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vs-redemption · 4 years ago

Note

Hi, its me! Im sorry for bothering you! How would Bakugou, Aizawa, and Iida react if some random kid, who had their eyes but different hair, who looks homeless and IS homeless, knockef on their door and said 'hey, do you know *insert womans name*? Youre my dad apparently' and it turns iut it was a woman they had a flimg with, who left them, and went on to abusr their kid? Like severely? Its just me projecting lol. Im so sorry have a great day!

A/N: I noticed that @madkaleidoscope got almost the same request while going through the my hero tags, so please check out their post HERE for another take on the same idea.

A Surprise Meeting (Bakugo, Iida, and Aizawa meet their abused child)

You can read the same scenario for Todoroki and Dabi HERE You can read the same scenario for Hawks, Fatgum, and Shigaraki Here

Warning:⚠️Mentions of child abuse and homelessness. Also, swearing for Bakugo!⚠️

Bakugo

“What the hell do you mean they were offended?” Bakugo growls at his manager through the phone propped up on his shoulder as he aggressively chops up vegetables for the stew he was making. “Instead of being grateful that I saved their asses, they decided to file a complaint against me huh?”

The underpaid person on the other end launches into an explanation about why a top ranked pro hero should avoid yelling out expletives while fighting villains in front of a crowd of civilians. Apparently it wasn’t an appropriate way to behave in front of impressionable children and elderly folks. Bakugo rolled his eyes as he continued cooking. He’d heard this spiel a hundred times before. He’d honestly worked hard over the years to improve the way he directly interacted with the innocent people he fought to protect every day, but he couldn’t help but get a little overzealous in the moment when taking down bad guys.

Bakugo clicked his tongue in annoyance when his doorbell suddenly rang. He wiped his hands off on a towel before going to tell off whoever it was that was interrupting his very limited free time. It was bad enough he was already getting an earful from his manger while he was trying to relax. He ripped open the door and felt a hint of surprise when he had to lower his angry red eyes to find the unexpected visitor. It was a little girl.

“What the hell?” Bakugo leaned out of the doorway a bit to look for an adult that might be accompanying the child but she seemed to be all alone. His manager paused their lecture to ask if he was all right. “Yeah, but I’m going to have to call you back,” Bakugo hangs up the phone and looks back at the little girl who was glaring up at him with familiar red eyes. Her long dark hair was dirty and matted. She had scrapes and bruises all over her arms and face.

“Do you need help or something?” Bakugo asks awkwardly as he tries to slip into his comforting hero voice. “Where are your parents?”

“Mommy left and didn’t come back,” the little girl scowls and crosses her arms. She then tells Bakugo her mother’s name, causing the man to freeze up in shock at the implication. “She said you were my daddy.” Bakugo just stands speechless for a few moments as his brain tries to catch up with what he’d just heard. He knew the girl’s mom, but he hadn’t seen her in about four years. They’d had a bit of a summer romance right at the beginning of his hero career before she’d suddenly disappeared, never to be heard from again.

Bakugo lets his eyes scan over the little girl once more. He couldn’t deny she had his eyes and his scowl. He felt irritated that his summer fling hadn’t even had the decency to tell him she’d gotten pregnant. He squats down to look more closely at the dirt and injuries all over the girl’s body.

“Who did this to you?” he asks, trying to keep the gruffness from his voice. Some emotion cracks through the little girl’s false bravado then and she looks down at her bare feet shyly.

“Mommy…” she whispers. Bakugo takes a deep breath to calm the rage that boiled up inside him and offers a hand to the little girl.

“Mommy left me too,” he confesses. “But she’s not going to hurt either of us ever again, okay?” The little girl looks up at her dad, a tentative hope blossoming in her eyes. Bakugo knew this was going to impact his life in a huge way, but at the moment he only cared about getting to know his daughter and making up for lost time. “Are you hungry?” The little girl nods her head eagerly and he leads her into his apartment. He would get her cleaned up and fed before getting started on all the legal stuff he’d undoubtedly have to endure before she could really be his daughter completely. His mind was already coming up with ways to fit parenting into his work schedule though, and he found himself looking forward to spending as much time with his little girl as possible.

Iida

Iida assumed he was going to have another normal morning as he sat at his desk, looking over his patrol route for the day. He’d taken over his family’s hero agency not too long ago, but he was already used to the daily routine. All the experiences he’d lived through during high school, not to mention growing up in a family of heroes, had prepared him for most scenarios he would encounter as a pro. He had no reason to suspect that anything out of the ordinary would happen, even as he heard the knock on his office door.

“Come in,” he calls out while standing up to start putting on his hero costume. The door blasts open and a young girl runs into the room.

“Daddy!” she shouts as she runs right up to him and throws her arms around his waist. Iida looks down at the girl in shock before glancing towards the door where one of his sidekicks stood looking as confused as he felt.

“Sorry for the intrusion,” the sidekick says a bit awkwardly. “One of the interns found her wandering outside. She was asking people to help her find you, her dad.”

Iida wanted to deny the claim immediately. He would definitely know if he had a child, especially one who looked to be around eight years old. The idea became a lot less preposterous as he looked back down at the girl. Her hair color was as white as snow, a complete contrast to his dark blue. The thing that gave him pause were the two legs sticking out from under the dirty skirt the girl was wearing. Her legs looked skinny, too skinny, aside from her calves which had tiny exhaust pipes sticking out of them. The girl looks up at him after a moment to meet his gaze. His breathe catches in his throat at her blue eyes and checkmark shaped eyebrows that were iconic to the Iida family.

“Uh, thank you,” Iida felt flustered as he looks back at his sidekick who was blatantly starting at him in shock. “I’ll handle this from here. Do you mind asking someone to take over my patrol?” The sidekick accepts the job and hurries off, leaving Iida alone with the girl. Part of him felt really embarrassed that this had happened in front of his coworkers. He couldn’t imagine what they must think of him now. He definitely didn’t seem like the type to be involved with something that could be perceived as scandalous.

“What is your mother’s name?” Iida asks, even though he was sure he already knew. The list of possibilities was very small. The little girl goes up on her tiptoes and Iida bends down to meet her so she can whisper in his ear. He sighs heavily at the name that falls from her lips. It was just further confirmation that this wasn’t some crazy misunderstanding. The information settles into his mind. He was a father.

“Please don’t make me go back to her though,” the girl’s eyes brim with tears as she searches Iida’s face for comfort. “She’s scary.” Iida understood how the girl felt. If given the option, he would choose never to see that woman again either. She had only dated him for a brief time, pretending to be in love with him in order to take advantage of his fame until she found someone higher up in the ranks to seduce. He had been so shocked and heart broken when she’d left him so suddenly, but now there was no way to hide from that mistake of his past.

“Why do you say she’s scary?” Iida asks while putting a hand on the girl’s shoulder. She winces and flinches away from his touch. He narrows his eyes in concern and asks her to roll up her sleeves. His heart fills with sadness at the welts marring her frail arms. “I see,” he frowns. “I promise you won’t have to see her again if you don’t want to, but can you tell me where she lives?”

“I don’t know. We always have to sleep outside,” the girl explains warily, painting a rather sad image of her life.

“Well that just won’t do,” he pats her on the head. “I’m going to make sure you have a comfy, warm bed to sleep in from now on.” The girl’s face lights up happily and she hugs Iida even tighter. The shame he’d felt initially was gone now, replaced by a determination to provide his daughter with the best life possible.

Aizawa

Between all his hero work and being a full time teacher, Aizawa’s opportunities to simply sleep for a couple consecutive hours were few and far between. He took any chance he could to just shut his eyes and rest for a while. Tonight he’d hoped to get a decent amount of sleep in before having to wake up at the crack of dawn to attend a UA staff meeting. However, it seemed fate had other plans for him.

It was around one in the morning when a knock on his front door pulled him from the depths of his much needed slumber. He rubbed the exhaustion from his eyes as he rolled out of bed, not even having the energy to be annoyed. “Who is it?” He asks while putting on his slippers and shuffling over to the door. There was no answer, so he pressed his face up to the peep hole. He let out a groan when he saw a random kid standing outside. If this was some kind of prank, he wasn’t sure he had the strength of mind to deal with it at this hour. He already put up with a whole class of teenagers every day who drained him of every drop of patience he had.

“Can I help you?” Aizawa mumbles after opening the door. The young boy in front of him looked to be about thirteen years old. The ends of his dark burgundy hair were frayed and had been cut sloppily as if he’d done it himself. He had outgrown his clothes a while ago, and they appeared uncomfortably small on his skinny frame. The poor kid looked extremely dirty and smelled even worse.

“Do you know this woman?” the haggard boy holds out an old photograph of a person Aizawa recognized immediately. It had been a very long time, but he’d never forget the face of the first woman he’d ever been with. He’d been so young and naïve at the time, and he still felt bitter toward the friend who’d set him up with a woman with such an atrocious personality. Aizawa knew right then and there that he wasn’t going to be getting back to sleep anytime soon.

“This is my mother,” the boy states the obvious fact. “And apparently you’re my dad.” Aizawa had no reason not to believe him as he looked into the boy’s tired eyes that matched his own. It was clear that life had not been kind to the kid so far.

“Come on in,” Aizawa invites his son inside, deciding to wait to involve the proper authorities until morning. “You can take a hot shower, and I think I have some leftovers we can heat up.”

“A shower?” the boy looked overwhelmed, as if the promise of a shower was more than he’d ever dared to hope for. Aizawa was growing more concerned with each passing second.

“Where is your mother now?” He asks and the boy shrugs.

“I haven’t seen her in a couple weeks,” he states as if that were normal. “I think she met some new guy.” That was enough to put Aizawa’s teeth on edge.

“Where have you been staying then?” he asks.

“Wherever I can,” the boy replies, sounding embarrassed. “Park benches, bus stops, train stations…” Aizawa was horrified. What kind of person left their child to survive in those conditions? Why hadn’t she ever reached out to him for help?

“What are these?” Aizawa reaches out to snatch up the boys arm. Now that he was inside where the lighting was better, he could see strange scars and scabs covering his skin.

“Cigarette burns,” the boy pulls his arm away and averts his eyes. “Mom thought it would make people more willing to help when I had to beg for money.” Aizawa felt his eyes fill with tears at the words, and he doesn’t think twice before pulling his son into his arms. The boy returns the embrace, clinging to Aizawa as if he feared the man might disappear if he didn’t hold on tight enough.

“What’s going to happen now?” the boy asks fearfully after he calms down a bit.

“You’re more than welcome to stay with me,” Aizawa finds himself accepting the role of father rather quickly. He was already responsible for so many kids already, he didn’t see the harm in adding one more to the list. “If that’s something you’re comfortable with.”

“Yes, please!” The boy nods his head, looking ecstatic as he wiped away his tears. Aizawa nods his head and pats his son on the shoulder.

“Well then kid,” he says with a small smile. “Welcome home.”

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Aizawa Tag List: @clovertitan @raine-needs-help @lucacangettathisass @lea2107-foxsin @tiaraowens

#Katsuki Bakugo #Tenya Iida #Shota Aizawa #Bnha #Mha #bnha imagines #mha imagines #Writing Requests #Cindy's Writing #katsuki bakugou #aizawa shouta #bnha scenarios #mha scenarios

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i-growl-growl-growl · 5 years ago

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Yandere Life Ship

Can I have a yandere life ship plz? ^^~ ok so! I’m really awkward, shy, and introverted! I’m open and accepting to everything! I cant be around people who aren’t 😅 I like time to myself and I have social anxiety but! When I’m close to someone I literally give my everything its all or nothing with me. I’m kind of clingy. I’m quick to cry and be manipulated. But once you piss me off all that goes away lmao I can be really smart mouthed and say cruel shit in the blink of an eye Part 1/3

and not care for the persons feelings at all. And with that being said it doesn’t take much to piss me off lol and I can’t be silenced like... at all unless you’ve completely broken me but even then I’ll probably still try you... if you try to silence me before breaking me then you’re in for me mouthing off at you and I’m brat for a reason you know lol Part 2/3

I love music, alternative(Lolita,yume/yami kawaii,e-girl,kawaii,etc. /mainstream fashion(“baddie” fashion) my fashion depends on how I feel, I have A L O T of kinks so I wouldn’t do well with someone vanilla 💀 I’m not sure if that’s enough but here it is! Part 3/3 -MILLI

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Yandere 1: (Main yandere)- Jay Park

Jay is a top dog when it comes to yanderes, he doesn’t mess around and what he wants, he gets no matter what. No one knows exactly how or when Jay became infatuated with you but you do quickly find out why; he likes someone who can put up a fight whether it be verbally or physically and you can do exactly that. This yandere makes it evident from the get go that he’ll let you yell and talk, hell, he’ll even let you punch him and try to knock him down all the while smiling at your futile attempts but, in the end, you’ll always learn your place after he’s put you through what he deems as a “reward” for your attitude. Your life with him is going to be interesting because he’s going to do every to brake you down into becoming a submissive victim but, unlike other yanderes and their victims, he’s also going to simultaneously mold you into a powerful “sidekick” that everyone will love and fear just as much as they love and fear him once he’s deemed you well-behaved enough to go public with him.

your friend that is victimized by yandere one: Mint

Mint is a supportive friend who is quick to dry those tears when you come to her in an upset state of mind. She doesn’t fool around when it comes to her friends feelings which means that if she learns that someone is hurting you in any way then she’ll doing everything in her power to bring that to an end. She may not be able to do much but she knows that sometimes all a person needs to feel better is some time out with friends or some time away from everyone, which she is more than willing to let you spend time at the extra house her parents bought for her. What drew you to together as such close friends was actually that facts that you two are nearly polar opposites from each other, she’s more outgoing and isn’t quick to start confrontation or talk back while you are, but you two did share commonality in being open with everything, loving the kawaii style of cutsey things, and with being emotional. Jay won’t like this one bit. He hates the thought of some tiny, 4′11 chick being an emotional support buddy who can clear your mind and has the resources to give you time away from him. Although she can’t do much else, he still hates her guts with every nerve in his body, just the sight of her or mention of her name can bring his blood to a raging boil. Although she isn’t much of a threat, except when she sends you away for some private time in her other house, Jay quickly writes her off as someone who needs to vanish from your life and he can think of many different ways to make that happen but his two favorite options are that he can either snap her like a twig and hide her body somewhere or he can have his shady friends take her and do with her what they please. Either way, Mint with disappear at some point and the likelihood that anyone, especially you, will ever see her again alive is less of a chance than a snowball has at surviving a trip through hell.

where they’d keep you: the studio

Jay is constantly working on new music whether it be for himself or for other artists so the best place to keep you is where he spends his time most often. Jay loves this option not just because he’s around you often but because this gives him a chance to have more ‘lively, productive’ breaks when he needs a break from pressing keys, strumming strings, recording or mixing. It’s also a good place to keep you because it limits the space you have when trying to be away from him and you have no option but to beg him to get you food or water or to let you out whenever you need to use the restroom.

your chances of survival/escape: survival: 5/10, escape: 2/10

Jay may enjoy that fiery passion that you have to not be controlled/manipulated or abused but he does have a point in time where he’ll get tired of it and, if you don’t brake and bow down to him at some point, then he will consider killing you eventually. Jay isn’t afraid to use his strength to get what he wants from you so you’ll not only deal with him mentally destroying you piece by piece but also doing that with you physically as well. The best thing you can do to survive with this yandere is by swallowing your pride from time to time (at the very least) if not completely and letting him say and do to you what he pleases without any interruptions from you. By doing so you’ll ensure less punishments, which are both immensely emotionally and physically straining to your body and mind.

As for escape, he may keep you in a small studio so it would seem as though it should be relatively easy for you to get away from him but what you’ll fail to realize until you make any attempts is that smaller spaces severally limit your sources of hiding or dodging his advances towards you when he arrives to check up on you and/or work. It’s also hard to escape the studio because you only have one means of escape, which is through the single door that he enters which is kept locked with many different dead bolts and locks.

Yandere 2: (yandere that wants to steal you from yandere 1)- Haechan

Haechan actually gets to know you before Jay even knows of your existence because he knows you through his connection to Mint. Just as you are close friends to Mint, you easily become close friends with the boy who shares common ground with you when it comes to mouthing off. The both of you enjoy having competitions to see who can be the most sassy and, sometimes you both reach the point where you actually hurt each others feeling because of what you say in an attempt to one-up each other during the playful fights. You both end up forgiving each other by giving one another backhanded compliments then move on to conversations about fashion, even though his sense is far different than yours. Haechan is a clingy person so to have someone who can be equally so once they’re comfortable around him will be something that he enjoys whenever he gets to hang out with you.

When you go missing after Jay takes you, Haechan will be distraught and will use his detective stalking abilities to try to find you and bring you back to safety. He knows that you’re not the type of person to just up and leave without saying something first so he knows immediately that someone else is involved and he’ll go through the list of people that you know well or only met even just once to try and find you. If Haechan ever finds you after being taken by Jay then expect him to be 20000000000000000000x more clingy and obsessive with you. You’ll quickly learn that you may no longer be with Jay (if Haechan is successful at helping you escape, which isn’t a likely case) but you’ve landed in the hands of yet another yandere, one who used to be (and apparently still is) your friend.

why yandere 1 & 2 fell for you:

What draws these two men to you is your ability to switch from a quiet, shy introverted girl to a smart mouthed, tough girl within a blink of an eye who also has the ability to not back down easily. Jay , especially, loves brats! so he sees braking you as a challenge that he is faaaaar too willing to take on, and to say that he’ll love every moment of braking you and molding you into the badass, “ride or die” but submissive victim that he wants is an understatement. He loves seeing you cry but he loves that fire in your eyes and the silver tongue that you use when you step up to fight back against his abusive advances. For both of these yanderes, the more you talk back, the more excited they become for the punishments they will dish out to you once they’ve had enough of letting you speak your mind before taking back the control and getting the final word in.

Oh, another thing that they enjoy, (again, especially Jay) is the sex life that you two will have. Jay is a very adventurous, kinky, thirsty man so knowing that he’s got a victim who has claimed that they aren’t up for that vanilla shit (whether they’ve taken that back or not since becoming his ‘puppet’) will definitely send his non-vanilla sex drive overboard. He’ll enjoy putting you in positions that you’ve never even heard of, he’ll enjoy seeing just how kinky you can be and how far he can push you overboard with his endless sex-capades.

~Savie

#yandere life ships #yandere life ship #yandere jay park #yandere nct #yandere #kpop yandere #kpop ships #yandere kpop #yandere haechan #nct yandere #nct ships

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eltanin-malfoy · 5 years ago

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THE QUIET

based on the song by Troye Sivan

pairing : draco/veryintroverted(quiet)!y/n (gender neutral :))

word count : 7.7k (i genuinely have never written anything as long as this)

warning(s) : abuse/self-harm/torture/trauma/depression/ptsd mention, fluff, angst, slight smut

requested : nope! (i am going to have a request from a while ago up soon so watch out!)

a/n : lots of pan-top! draco vibes. also based somewhat on this song by our boy tom. i conceptualised this quite a while back after sorta getting my own heart broke, so it’s kinda.. um.. sad. screw men! lol. not to mention, this is my 1st attempt at writing in 2nd person, so i hope it isn’t total crap.

taglist : @acciodracoo @drawlfoy @war-sword @socontagiousimagines

Silence is something Draco used to hate. With every fibre of his being.

When he was seven and sitting at the dining table, picking through his greens with his fork, his mother not letting him get up till he was done, everything was quiet. Forcibly so. His father thought that his chatting only got in the way of him finishing his spinach.

He’d overheard his parents talking about him when he’d sneaked out of his room late one night, to get his toy broomstick out of his father’s study after he’d confiscated it. (“You can’t be mucking about outside all day, Draco.”) He’d hidden behind his father’s desk, fingers wrapped tightly around the wood of the broomstick, while his parents had walked in, Lucius’ voice practically booming.

“Draco’s taken after me quite a bit. You’re right.”

“He definitely has.. Like everybody says, his fa-”

“No, not just that.. His behaviour. Just what I used to do.” “You haven’t told me about that.”

“He’s smart, isn’t he? He can babble on about anything and everything at dinner and you gush over him, and he realises it.” “Are you just pointing tha-”

“No, dear. I mean, he realises it. He hates eating his greens, you know that. He tips them into his pocket while you fawn over him when he speaks.”

“You’re kidding.”

“I’m not. I glared at him when I noticed it myself and put a stop to it this evening.”

“Wow.. he’s only seven and-” “He’s smart. At least we know he’ll be a Slytherin.”

Draco’s eyebrows had raised considerably since this conversation had started. He poked his head out the side of the drawers lining the side of the desk and couldn’t miss the smile lining his mother’s lips.

“At least we know he’ll be a Slytherin. I’ll just have to keep him quiet, I suppose.” She agreed, giggling as his father picked out a novel from the bookcase by the door. “So, this is the Waffling novel you so worship? Doesn’t look like much.” She took it from him and checked out the cover, turning towards the door. “Narcissa.. “ His father’s voice muttered off in a slow drawl as the two exited the room.

Draco clutched the broom closer to his chest and felt his heart racing, a smirk soon forming on his face as he realised he’d gotten away with what he so desired. He slowly crept out from his hiding place, carrying the broomstick with both hands now. He waddled over to the door, conscious of his movements as he tried his best not to make a single sound.

Tiptoeing on his tiny toes, he managed to get out of the study. The weight of his parents words suddenly hit him. For the first time in his life, he’d understood… his parents did in fact, notice the things he did. Little mischiefs here and there to somehow cajole an extra sweet or two from his mother. Their line of sight didn’t extend simply to his bad posture or hyperactivity.

Not only that, they’d figured out exactly how to combat his actions. Drat! It was such a clever idea.. how did he manage to see through it? Or, maybe, just maybe, he wasn’t as slick as he would like to admit. Either way, he’d seemed to have gotten his broom out just fine, so maybe they weren’t that aware of everything he did. Right?

Wrong. It wasn’t long after he’d gone up the staircase towards his bedroom that he felt a hand press flat onto the top of his head. He flinched at first and then looked up, squinting slightly.

“And what do you think you’re doing?” His father’s voice came out in a whisper, while his features still seemed high strung, even in the dark. Draco simply stared up at him silently and handed over his broom. “Now, you’re not getting this back. Not for another month.”

Draco pursed his lips and trudged silently up to his room. “And I’m not going to keep it where you found it either. You won’t be able to search for it yourself.” Draco felt the slightest bit of rage pulsing through his temple but kept his gaze on the floor, knowing even a cruel glance back at his father would only earn him an even longer punishment. He felt the need to retort and felt his lips moving before he could stop them.

“I’ll find it, alright. Like you could hide it from me.”

Draco felt his father jabbing the tip of his broomstick into the back of his hip and winced, quickly reaching back to grip at where his father had poked him, where there was sure to be a purply red bruise the next day. It wasn’t even like he’d never been put in his place much as a child, but this one time.. just..

“Silence is golden, Draco.”

His hip wasn’t the only thing that was bruised that night. His lovely, large ego hurt too.

And since then, for some stubborn reason, Draco knew he wouldn’t be able to stand it being silent. Not when he knew he wasn’t alone. Not around anyone else. Being silent only meant submission. Giving into something he didn’t want to be.

Submission was weakness. His father had told him that himself. Giving up wasn’t something Malfoys did, and submission was practically the same thing. But apparently, the same didn’t hold for however his father wanted him to behave around him. Even then, Draco knew submitting to another’s will only meant the loss of his own intent. Submission meant vulnerability, and being silent, listening to what someone else wanted to say rather than his own will, meant he was giving himself up instead of getting what he wanted for himself.

And so, he began to treat it as practically his own responsibility to always keep conversations going. Sure, he’d want his peace and quiet now and then (his friends’ constant bumbling around did grow annoying after a point), but he felt that the only way he could truly enjoy silence was in absolute solitude. Pursuing his own interests, reading a book or listening to a song..

If anyone was nearby, he couldn’t really stop himself from saying something to them, whether it be rude or not. He always had a word to put in. He found that while what he said didn’t always reflect what he truly felt, it made people recognise him. Know who he was. Even if it was for the wrong reasons, he found that he liked it. Popularity (or even notoriety) felt good on him. Or at least it felt great for his ego.

Being heard meant being in charge, at least in his perspective. He realised that facing situations head on, that confrontation was the best strategy for him. Even if it didn’t always end up in the best way for him, he never had many regrets. Most of the time.

Even at Hogwarts, his confrontational manner had earned him some sort of following, at least in his own house. Sure, it was also the same manner that had made Potter his rival, but hey, if Potter didn’t know what a great offer he’d just declined, it wasn’t his fault. He could go hang out with Weasley as much as he liked, it wasn’t like it was Draco who really even wanted to be friends with him. Like, at all. He was just doing what he thought he should be doing, dutifully. After all, if he, the Malfoy heir, didn’t attempt to befriend The Boy Who Lived, would he even be a true Malfoy?

But what truly validated him, more than anything else, was knowing that.. people were interested in him. Not that they treated as some sort of queer phenomenon, but that they.. romantically liked him. Sure, it did sound plenty pathetic, feeling great about himself thanks to someone else fancying him, it shouldn’t matter as much to him, should it? But then again, he loved attention. Especially that sort of attention.

And there was Pansy Parkinson and Theodore Nott and Padma Patil and Wayne Hopkins and.. well.. there was a fair share of people Draco definitely wouldn’t mind a love note from. But even then, so far only one of them seemed to actually feel the same way about him. And after spending enough time around her, it was clear she felt even more intensely about their relationship than he did. And so, he ended it, because while he did love getting fawned over, even he had his limits. His type wasn’t.. people who were clingy, so to say.

The one main similarity he noticed between all those that he developed some sort of attraction for was that they were all outgoing. Not necessarily assertive, some of them even came off as unpleasant at times, but they seemed at least interested in getting their word across, some way or the other.

Of course, there are always, always exceptions to rules. Draco couldn’t even understand why he felt the way he did about you. It certainly wasn’t immediate, as far as he could tell. It was incredibly gradual. For sure. He wasn’t impulsive. Not at all.

He didn’t even really see you at first, per se. You were apparently in the same year but managed to avoid his glance for the entirety of your first four years. It was only really in Draco’s fifth year that he even noticed your existence, frankly.

The very first time was during the later hours of the day, after dinner one evening in September. He’d realised his first OWL practice essay for Transfiguration (homework McGonagall had assigned in the second week of school, Merlin) wasn’t up to the mark. He’d scanned through Pansy’s when she’d left her materials in the common room while she headed to the washroom and was not pleased with her seemingly improving essay writing skills. He certainly wasn’t going to let her do better than him. Not when he knew a victory like that would go straight to her head and make her stop basically kissing the ground beneath his feet, even though they’d been apart for quite a while now.

He’d gone off to the library by himself in an attempt to rework it. Roping in another student to do it for him would have definitely done the job as well, but for some reason, a churning feeling in his gut told him this was something he needed to deal with himself. Maybe there was something special about Vanishing spells..? Maybe this was the year he’d impress everyone and get straight O’s for each of his assignments. And of course, his actual OWL’s, O’s on all of those too. Maybe he’d even do better than that mudbl-

And suddenly, the usually-very-regal-in-his-gait Draco Malfoy fell to the floor, face first. He felt an uncomfortable flaring up on his nose and grimaced. His book bag fell to his side, and he heard his ink bottle crack open.

He got back onto his feet as quickly as he could and picked up his bag, narrowing his grey eyes as he watched a dark stain forming on the side of it. Merlin. His father had only bought it for him that summer. Shit. He quickly looked to see what had caused him to fall on his face, frowning terribly. But he definitely wasn’t expecting what he saw. He was figuring some overexcited Gryffindor first year had bumped into him and pushed him over but.. no..

It was you. You. Someone close to his own age, looking up at him with nervous, nervous eyes, anxiously darting all over his figure and his bag. “I’m sorry.” You managed out, reaching into the pocket on the side of your robes. You did seem familiar. He recognised you somewhat. Sort of, at least. You couldn’t possibly be trying to get on his nerves on purpose. Not with the finicky way you were picking through your coin purse.

“I”m sorry. I.. I wasn’t looking where I was going.”

“Well, you should have.”

“R-right.” You paused and stared up at his face, avoiding his piercing gaze. “How much d-”

“You don’t need to pay for this. Just leave.” Draco uttered before he could even process his own thoughts.

“But I do.”

“No, i-it’s fine. I can handle it. Don't need you.” Why was he being generous? With this stranger?

“Your parchment..? And your b-books? They must be ruined too.”

“I know how to deal with them.”

“Oh.. oh. If you-you say so. I’m sorry. I can-”

“It’s alright. You don't need to bother.”

You offered him an awkward sort of smile and nodded before turning to leave. Draco blinked slowly and took a deep breath, holding the bag up a bit higher. He reached for his wand and did what little he could to deal with the mess. It was almost hopeless to begin with. And he couldn’t exactly understand why he was suddenly all jittery. Why his stomach suddenly felt like it was full of butterflies.

It really was hopeless. To begin with.

You were so not his type! Sure, there were no real physical aspects to tie into ‘his type’, but goddamn it! He now realised you’d been in his year all this while and he hadn’t thought of you once. Not once. You’d stay huddled up within your tiny group of friends most of the time. You’d shy out of uttering a word in class to anyone but those sitting right next to you, and the couple of times he’d heard your voice was when a teacher directly questioned you. Oh, dear god. He shouldn’t even care. If he actually had forced someone else to polish his essay for him, this problem would never even have manifested in the first place. He found himself wasting time, so much time, just pondering over you. Wondering over dumb, idiotic things. Time he could’ve spent studying for his OWL’s, practicing Quidditch, trying to butter up Umbridge… he was staring out the window by his bed, looking at the Black Lake, thinking about the color of your eyes.

Even during lessons, he’d find himself staring at you while you remained mostly unaware. Mostly, since at random moments you would peer back at him in fear. Why were you so goddamn afraid of him? What had he even done for you to think of him as such? Sure, he was intimidating, but he’d been nice to you. Right?

And before he knew it, he was pulling you to the side of the hallway after a particularly tricky Charms practical when he thought you seemed relatively.. alone. You looked up at him, again nervous, nibbling at your lip.

“D-do you want me to pay up now?”

“What? No.” Draco didn’t even understand why his heart was hammering out of his chest.

“Are you going to take me up to Umbridge?”

“No!” You were far from intimidating. Adorably rattled, if he were to be honest.

“Then? C-could I go?”

Oh god, what happened to his normal headstrong sort of preference in people? You and Draco were seriously total opposites.

But then again, opposites do attract, as a wise man once said (or at least Draco thought so).

“No. I.. was.. um.. we have a Hogsmeade weekend next week.”

“Yes..?”

“And I wanted to know if.. if you wanted to go with me.”

“W-”

“Just.. nothing more than that. We can just go there. As friends.”

“I don’t kn-”

“Please?”

“I.. I’ll have to think about it.”

“Alright.”

The shaky way in which he was gripping your wrist suddenly came to his attention and he drew his hand back. “L-let me know.” He muttered, watching as you slowly turned and walked away.

It was truly abnormal for him to be acting so.. unhinged. On edge, even. Really. This was all so pathetic. He was all worked up simply due to a crush. So very pathetic.

He spent the rest of the day walking around idly between classes, with Crabbe and Goyle following after him. They’d caught on to some extent, it seemed. And it deeply annoyed Draco that he wasn’t the one initiating a conversation for once. His nerves were much too on fire for him to even consider saying a word.

Unfortunately, Pansy noticed him being uncharacteristically calm as well. And what was even more unfortunate was that the Head Boy and Girl had made it such that the two Slytherin fifth year prefects had to do their rounds of the dungeons together that very night. Jesus. Christ.

Not only was his gut still seconds from turning in on itself, but he also had to face a girl who was as nosy as she definitely didn’t need to be.

“So… is everything alright?”

“Yes.”

“Are you sure? Pott-”

“Nothing to do with him.”

“You’re sure?”

“Yes.”

“Then what’s got your tongue?”

“Nothing. I’m fine.”

“Is there-”

“It’s nothing.” He responded somewhat harshly, hoping to force her silent.

But alas! Pansy wasn’t the sort to relent. She managed to nag and tug at his strings long and hard enough for him to actually snap at her. Thankfully then, she decided to stop sticking her nose into where it didn’t belong and fell silent herself. Oh, thank god. He didn’t want to have to give her the silent treatment himself, goodness knows how much his head would have hurt after that.

Even after his rounds were complete and all his work for the following day was complete, Draco found his stomach swirling with anxiety. It had been hours, hours, since he’d spoken to you. How long could it take for someone to come to a decision to something as simple as what he’d posed to you? Not to mention, there were an infinite number of ways for you to contact him. He had a lot of friends (all of whom definitely weren’t that intimidating and for the most part could easily be manipulated) who could pass on messages to him.

What did you quiet types even think of yourself? That you could keep everyone waiting and hope that they all just chalk it up to you being too goddamn demure? Annoying. You weren’t allowed to make his heart flutter by a simple glance. And with the way all your past encounters had gone, it seemed as if you weren’t going to give him much more than that. Gosh.

He was sitting by himself on his bed, legs crossed while he tried to somehow focus on his DADA textbook. Slinkhard could make even Common Defensive Theories and their Derivation sound plaintive. No matter how much he pretended to enjoy Umbridge’s presence, he had no idea how he was going to act like this textbook was actually usable.

As he found himself reading over the first few lines of the chapter for the seventh time, Nott burst into the dormitory holding up.. something. A piece of folded up parchment, perhaps.

“Y/L/N handed this to me. Just now. By the dungeons.”

“Thanks.” Draco took it from him, his hand trembling in excitement. Finally, finally, finally!

But then he paused. Nott must have read the message already. He wasn’t actually purehearted enough to simply hand over a message as asked. He ran his thumb over the parchment.

“Have you.. looked at it?”

“What? No. It’s private.”

“Don’t give me that.. you have, haven’t you?”

Draco suddenly wished he wasn’t in his silky pyjamas so he could use his prefect badge as a threat. What could you have possibly offered him for him to do this for you? He watched as his cheeks slowly turned crimson.

“No. Haven’t. Couldn’t. It… couldn’t open it.”

Draco raised an eyebrow and pursed his lips, nodding. Huh. He attempted to unfold it himself and found that it was in fact impossible. Theo was still staring at him, and Draco found that for once, he wasn’t enjoying the attention much. He sneered at him enough to get his message across and walked back to his bed, drawing up the hangings so he could continue with his efforts without any prying eyes around.

Physical efforts proved to be worthless and he found himself extremely confused. Could you have sent him a message just to tide him over for a bit? Give him some sort of hope but actually mean to just annoy him. Maybe you were more annoying than he’d given you credit for.

But then again, he had yet to put any sort of wizarding skill to the test. He brought his wand out from under his pillow and tapped the note.. and somehow.. it opened up! He honestly shouldn’t have been as astonished as he was, sealant charms weren’t new to him.

Draco,

I accept your offer. Let’s meet in the courtyard at ten o’clock on that Saturday morning.

See you,

Y/N.

And that was all it said. And for some reason, Draco couldn’t stop smiling.

You’d accepted his offer! Oh, yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! He wanted to jump around and sing and dance and just tell everybody. But maybe it would do him better just to go to sleep. It was quite late.. and well… he was tired. The unusual bout of anxiety he’d faced through the day had only made him weary.

Within the next few days, most everyone he knew, at least in his year, seemed to have gotten wind of him having received a secret message from Y/L/N, courtesy of Nott, of course. Gods, he should really have Crabbe and Goyle just let loose on him. Then maybe he’d learned his own place. Never mind, his face was still much too appealing to even imagining disfiguring as such. Maybe some other time.

Pansy didn’t hesitate to ask him, even tease him about it. He’d obviously offered no comment. It was obvious that her and her band of girls had already gossiped quite a bit about it, and he could only hope you weren’t being disturbed.

Surprisingly, you bothered giving Draco an actual smile a couple days later. A few times, in fact. It made him feel a lot giddier than he would have cared to admit.

Your actual ‘meeting’ with Draco turned out to be a lot more.. pleasant than he’d originally anticipated. While it was true that you weren’t one to talk much, you were a real pleasure to have around. You certainly weren’t the type to talk his ear off, and he found that he enjoyed that, for once.

Going to the Three Broomsticks hadn’t resulted in a prolonged awkward silence, as Draco had been expecting, but more of a.. blushy exchange of smiles. Sweet ones. It was totally new to him, what with always being surrounded by his Slytherin cronies meaning hours and hours of pointless banter. It wasn’t absolutely silent either. There were the greetings, exchanges of pleasantries and everything along those lines. Not much more, since, you know, you were.. shy. And it was adorable. Perhaps coyness wasn’t as annoying as he thought.

You’d even held his hand for a bit on the way back, and he’d loved it. (Obviously, he’d never tell a soul that.)

As the browned autumn leaves fell to the ground and left the trees bare, whatever it was between the two of you blossomed into something more. Exchanging letters later into the night (+hiding outside of the dungeons to even receive them) even stolen kisses when Draco knew you wouldn’t expect them (causing you to blush, which he so adored. Which was.. top secret, as well), became more commonplace. He grew accustomed to the frigid breeze that would blow around the courtyard onto his hands, he passed his own thick gloves to you while you walked, of course.

For once in his life, Draco understood that silence didn’t always have to mean subservience. Silence was tranquility. Silence was a symbol for.. intimacy. Sometimes the times when the two of you exchanged no words were the most meaningful of all. Sometimes holding each other close was all it took to calm him down, even after the wildest of days.

Feeling vulnerable didn’t have to mean you were shooting yourself in the foot. Draco now learnt what trust truly meant. Perhaps distance wasn’t the ideal, in actuality. Perhaps being superior wasn’t what he always needed to chase. Perhaps it was simply compatibility.

It felt nice to have you beside him. Or at least.. following nearby. All of his own friends had caught on to what was going on quite easily, and thankfully, Draco had gotten it across to them that there would be real hell to pay for teasing either of the two of you about it. He knew there had to be gossip. Hell, he could imagine some of it himself. But he knew how to pretend he didn’t care. Pansy’s jealousy had only grown, but Draco couldn’t find it in him to give it much thought.

One of his favourite instances was the one time he managed to sneak the two of you out to the Black Lake. It had taken some convincing and quite a lot of sneaking out here and then, but thankfully, Draco wasn’t one to shy away from using his prefect badge to further himself. He got out of his nightly rounds with Pansy and forced Macmillan to take them up instead. You didn’t like that very much but.. hey, Draco wanted to spend time with his significant other, doing.. important things.

Losing it (his.. virginity, shhh) was something he’d anticipated for much of his adolescent life. And he’d be lying if he said he hadn’t desired it, very very badly at that. (He was a teenager, wasn’t he? If he wasn’t allowed to be hormonal, who was?) The Black Lake was isolated in the dark of night, and a few Lumos Maxima’s did enough to offer some sort of romantic lighting. Setting out a makeshift mattress was hard enough, but he was ultimately just satisfied with the fact that you’d even agreed to it in the first place.

A lot of hand holding, quiet compliments, uncontrollable blushing and petting later, he’d managed to fit himself inside you. The slight tears in your eyes had made him feel like stopping it all right there, but you’d assured him it was all okay with a slight squeeze to his hand. Locking eyes with you had made him want to just… give in right then. He’d have thought the silence would have been awkward (and maybe it was, a tiny bit), but it felt ethereal to just be there.. to feel infatuated. To make love.

The only thing that had really bothered Draco was that your silence seemed to continue into then. Light gasps were all he could seem to coax out of your mouth, even at the tugging of tongue with teeth. He couldn’t tell if he was doing something wrong, or if it was just you. He held you close to his chest long after, grey eyes trailing over you with some degree of perplexity.

It had been very cold outside and you’d practically snuggled into him while you walked back, leaning back onto him while he tried to fit you into his coat. You couldn’t seem to get close enough to him, it seemed. He wanted to just carry you around wherever he went. Keep you on his lap and cuddle you.

And that was when he realised he loved you. And his lips felt oddly loose and he leaned down to whisper it into your ear.

And you said it back.

If only..

If only good things didn’t come to an end.

The Inquisitorial Squad was a beginning. A new start for the spring. But an end to his own free time. What he didn’t take seriously at first turned into an ordeal he was forced to take charge of. Responsibility, the word just didn’t roll off his tongue as easy.

Sure, he was allowed to take his liberty with practically every single decision he had to make. He didn’t have to give any kind of mercy to the people he took points from, and he didn’t plan on it. But it only seemed to force cracks into the foundation of your relationship.

The silence was slowly beginning to fade.

You weren’t enjoying the antics he’d begun to pull. Sure, his teasing was something that annoyed you to begin with, but now that bullying was backed by an official contract.. even watching Draco do his ‘prefectural duty’ and put the students in their place seemed to leave a bitter taste in your mouth.

“Draco.. I.. I just.. I don’t like it.”

“I have to do what I have to do.”

“No, you don’t. You don’t have to go around.. Being so awful.”

“I didn’t ask for you to approve of it.”

“Draco.”

“What?” He took a deep breath and looked up from the book in front of him to see you looking back at him, face more stern than usual. “Take me seriously.”

“I-.. I don’t see why this should matter. I’m not..”

“You’re being ridiculous. It’s horrid, you know that.”

“This doesn’t.. “ He huffed. “I’m not doing anything to you. This has nothing to do with you. Keep out of it.”

You got up all of a sudden, making him raise an eyebrow. You hurriedly started putting everything away, silent again.

“W-what? What is it now?”

“Maybe you wouldn’t be sporting a black eye if you didn’t go around on such a high horse all the time. I care about you, Draco. I’m only saying this because I do.”

You left soon after, leaving Draco in your wake, unsure of how to proceed. Your words only seemed to grow harsh when Draco was at his weakest. It wasn’t his fault Potter and the Weasleys were so goddamn sensitive, he thought.

As spring melted into summer, everything only seemed to grow colder.

His OWL’s were just as challenging as he’d anticipated them being but he hoped he hadn’t done too badly. The time he’d previously spent studying was filled with him trying to look for where Potter’s secret youth corps was hiding.

The Dark Lord was coming back to his full powers, Draco had known. But what Draco hadn’t expected was his own father being thrown into Azkaban after losing a battle to Potter’s preposterous student group (Dumbledore’s Army, really? The nerve of people!), of all people. The universe was truly bent on humiliating him. He could only feel rage. Red, burning hot.

You tried to comfort him, somehow. Surely, you had to be scared of him. He was the son of a full blown Death Eater.. of a prisoner of Azkaban, how couldn’t you feel afraid? Everyone else must have been. He’d seen the stares the younger children had given him, and he’d given them a taste of what was boiling deep within. His tongue had grown quicker, less patient thanks to all of this. He’d begun to crave the redemption of his family name above all else. Enough to try and seek revenge on the Hogwarts Express. (and fail.)

It was only a few weeks into summer when he’d been told that the Dark Lord himself wanted to include him in his ranks, even offer him a mission. One just for him. A special, secret task he felt Draco was up to. And how could he say no?

His mission was difficult, extraordinarily difficult. Getting rid of one of the most powerful wizards of all time was certainly much more than he could handle along with everything else going on in his life. His turbulent relationship with you, with whom he was still only.. sporadically exchanging letters, was not what he wanted anymore, it seemed. If you got to know about his goal, you’d only try to encourage him not to pursue it, and he couldn’t have any distractions, not when he was bearing his family’s status on his shoulders.

And so he wrote you one final letter. A short one, just to inform you of his decision on the two of you. At this point, he could care less about your feelings. He was simply more focused on being proud of the mark he wore on his forearm, the snake and skull etched into his skin forever. Eternal glory was what he was hoping for, and romance suddenly seemed irrelevant.

Y/N,

I have to end things between us. I’m sorry if this is very sudden. This is all just too much for me to handle, with father and everything, I find myself very stressed..

Good luck and I love you,

Draco.

And that was that. The end of an anomaly, of ten odd months of his life. He’d been happy for a while but it was time to move on and take life by the reins! His new mission was clearly something to be proud about and he knew it. But it was so simple to fall back into his old habits. Pansy…

She was far too eager to take your place. She was far too unconcerned about the mark on his arm. And he could care less for the consequences as she lay on his bed, kissing every part of him that was exposed to the cold air. Moving on was easier than dealing with his feelings, after all. If he moved fast enough, he wouldn’t have to think about you again.

It was clear you had thought about him. Made it clear. You’d sent him letter upon letter after receiving his own, your brown Athene noctua had twittered all over the place, chasing after him for a response. But Draco hadn’t even opened your letters, he’d tossed them straight into his fireplace upon receiving them.

Out of sight, out of mind.

And for the most part, it worked. He wasn’t hung up. He wasn’t moody. He wasn’t crying. He was using up whatever energy he had in bed. Over and over and over until Pansy was exhausted or simply excused herself. He flaunted her a bit, spent time alone with her. Looked you in the eyes while he held her hand. He didn’t even try to hide it. And he hoped his shamelessness helped you move on too. He knew you weren’t going to approach him, and that simply egged him on. The public displays of affection continued and you only seemed to continue to blend into the background, as you always used to. It was all for the best, really.

Except it wasn’t. The mission wasn’t as simple as it had seemed at first. It wasn’t something he could just.. do. It took effort and it took courage. Something he’d realised he lacked, greatly. It was much too much responsibility. Yet again, he struggled with it. His sixteen year old shoulders weren’t strong enough to bear so much weight, or at least that’s what he told himself.

But inside, he knew. He knew it was his own cowardice which would thwart his plans to save his family’s name, which would bring dishonour to his family. He had to try his best.

But he only seemed to fail. His plans didn’t seem to work for much. All that was working was the training Aunt Bella had given him. Compartmentalisation seemed to be the only thing keeping him going. If he gave in to his thoughts, he knew he wouldn’t be able to lift a finger.

And suddenly life began to move faster than he could think and he’d Imperiused Madam Rosmerta and Katie Bell was sent to St. Mungo’s and Ron Weasley had been poisoned and he was confiding his deepest thoughts to the ghost of a Mudblood.

All his feelings began bubbling up to the surface and he couldn’t attempt to numb the pain, the guilt, the fear by just forcing them away. He was making mistakes left and right, and perhaps.. his first had been you. Maybe if he hadn’t ever met you. Things would have been simpler. He could’ve gotten straight to Pansy. And.. there would have been no complications. Nothing in between. No guilt deterring him from looking you in the eye and just telling you to sod off.

Perhaps it had been true all along, that vulnerability was like holding your arm out on your own accord while it was permanently marked to show your allegiance. It was only regretful. For what reason would you bare your soul to someone? Why would you let down your guard? Was there anyone you could really even trust?

Draco didn’t know why. But inside, deep, deep inside him, he knew that there was still love for you in plenty. But he couldn’t acknowledge it. Not when he was so close..

And everything else after that point seemed to pass on in a vivid haze. It was like having an out-of-body experience, except the ‘experience’ wasn’t coming to an end. No matter how hard he tried. Scraping his nails along his skin drew blood, but nothing else. It seemed the pain had turned into something habitual. It was as if it lived inside him.

He watched himself grow paler, have to buckle his belt as tightly as he possibly could, give up his life of luxury in favour of serving the Dark Lord, as if he was simply looking in on someone else’s life.

His home was no longer his home. The Manor had turned into a place where turmoil and torture were everyday things. He could barely live with himself. His mother’s smile was all that kept him from knotting a rope around his neck and-

Well, it was that and… it was the memories. The few happy memories he had outside of the Manor. While now his childhood was tainted with what haunted his present, he remembered.. you.

The hours spent in silence, just being around each other. Giving each other smiles. Having no expectations of each other but to just.. give each other company. Cuddling. Kissing. This led his mind to a different path of thinking but he kept it at bay. He had enough of that from his time with Pansy, and he didn’t want to think about being with anyone but you.

It was no mistake. It was fate. It was destiny. That one day at the library was everything. And even if his heart still ached, he was better with the memories than without them at all.

He still loved you. But this damned war was in the middle of everything and the guilt was getting to him.

Hogwarts had succumbed to the Dark Lord’s forces only after Draco had managed to fix the Vanishing Cabinet. It was all him. He was the reason why so many first years would be filled with dread for years to come. He was the reason why so many people had to face so much more than they needed to. He wanted to end it all. Just. Get it over with.

But he wasn’t brave enough to.

Everything he set his mind to seemed out of reach.

And so, he lost his wand. And his sense of self. He betrayed the Dark Lord. And he endured his punishment for it too. The Cruciatus curse was more painful to experience than it was to watch, he’d learned. Hours and hours of it would leave a bloody taste in your mouth. Even the ruddy scars he’d scratched into his own skin burned. His Dark Mark was sizzling as if on fire.

The “Battle of Hogwarts”, they’d called it. It sounded so much more epic than it really was. It was pain and it was pain and it was pain. Over and over and over. The sight of the dead made him want to empty his guts and pull his eyes out of their sockets.

He couldn’t help but think about you. Where were you? Had you been evacuated? Or were you fighting too? He would have thought the former.. but the war drove people to extremes, he’d noticed. Bellatrix couldn’t have always been this bloodthirsty, surely.

He hoped and prayed and just wished that you were safe. He wanted to find you. And that he would. Perhaps after all of this. Perhaps you’d forgive him. Perhaps everything else would fit into place and you could live together. Maybe you’d be able to help him rid his memories of this insane, inhumane conflict.

But it wasn’t so.

It had been months since the war had ended. Since Potter’s side had triumphed and his had lost, if you could call it his. His family had managed to avoid going to Azkaban thanks to his mother’s courageous feat. His mother was braver than him in every which way, he understood that now. Perhaps if he hadn’t been such a goddamn coward, everything wouldn’t have been left in pieces.

The only thing he was glad about was that your name hadn’t been listed in the casualties of the war. He’d searched for it from paper to paper and had been glad it was nowhere to be seen, for once.

He was still in and out of St. Mungo’s and the memories still haunted him. The dreams would never end. Sometimes he’d see it all happen again in a rush, sometimes he’d imagine it was his parents they were hurting. Sometimes it’d be you. They were much too real. Once he imagined it was him hurting you. He’d woken up and gotten into the tub in his bathroom, writhing and shaking, clammy with perspiration. He wouldn’t have gotten out of the water alive if his mother hadn’t noticed his bed was empty.

And so he spent his days in bed, his body barely able to keep down what he took in, if at all. Their house elf practically resided by his bedside for a while, offering him glasses of water when he’d wake up in a cold sweat, nightmares as dark as always.

He wanted to, no, needed to find you. Apologise. Even kneel in front of you until you forgave him.

But he knew you never would. He’d hurt you and then gone on to aid in the murder of one of the most valuable headmasters of Hogwarts. He’d helped the Dark Lord harm all those that were supposedly beneath them. How could you even look him in the eye? You’d been afraid of him before you’d even spoken properly and.. he expected you to forgive him for essentially assisting in the taking over of the Wizarding World? It was impossible.

Draco found himself avoiding every sort of human contact. He’d stay in his room for hours on end with the door locked. The silence was everywhere, all around him. Swallowing him whole.

He’d spent ages just fathoming what it might be like if he could summon the courage to contact you. Maybe you would understand. Maybe you would forgive him. Maybe it would all be okay.

But the chances of that happening were too low. And so he let the quiet envelope him instead.

He was barely a shadow of himself. Of the person he thought you’d loved. He couldn’t tell you a single good thing about himself. He wished you would write to him instead. He wished there was some way he could retrieve those bloody letters you’d sent him all that while ago. But he could only be filled with regret.

The silence that had once disgusted him, then comforted him was almost mocking him. The loneliness, the despair, every negative emotion was as if a part of it. He knew the only way out of it and although he knew it was practically pointless to even try, he knew he had to.

Y/N,

I can’t take this any longer. I just can’t. I’m the most pathetic person on earth. I can’t live with myself anymore.

I love you. I still do. And I’m so deeply sorry. There is no way I can even attempt to justify what I did because it was just horrible. It was so terribly idiotic. You were right about all of it. I was such an arse. To everyone. You deserved so much better than me. You always have and you always will.

But I need to see you. Please. I need to speak to you. Just give me that much. I’m barely holding on. Just write back to me. Please. I know I sound desperate.

I understand if you decide against seeing me ever again. I do. I deserve it. Just give me this much. Please.

With love,

Draco.

And so he sent it off to you, putting it in his owl’s beak while spilt ink still blotched his fingers.

He could only hope that you would treat it better than he had treated your own letters. That you would even read it. Even two words of acknowledgement would be enough from you, really. He just needed to know that you had seen it.

He sat in his room, waiting for his owl to return. And it did a few hours later, but it was empty handed.

He laid down in his bed, even the thought of going to sleep having left him entirely now. The tears came dripping down his cheeks before he even realised how hard it had hit him.

He was alone. The one for him didn’t want him. He had been right all along.

Thus he spent the night crying into his sheets. The memories of the war and from everything between you flooding his mind and driving him senseless. Was this really the end? The end of everything he’d hoped for? Everything that he’d imagined would never come to fruition. Should he just lose hope?

There was always the proposition from the Greengrass family to consider. Astoria seemed.. pretty, for sure. But.. he wanted you. You over everyone else.

He didn’t even realise when he blacked out. Memories of you plagued his mind, almost as if he was dying and he thought he very well was. Was all that had been happy in his life flashing before his eyes as he lost consciousness? He could practically feel the ground turning to air beneath his body, how he lost his grasp on everything and fell into the void.

But then he woke up again. It was just a bloody dream. His consciousness was as it was. He should have expected as much. The healers had said shell shock was unpredictable.

What truly surprised him was the unusual bird cry that had prompted him awake. The familiar yellow eyed, flat headed, brown feathered, white spotted creature that stood on his window pane. Gripping a folded note in its beak.

And that was when he began to hope.

#draco x reader #draco malfoy #draco malfoy x reader #draco #hp #draco imagine #draco malfoy imagine #hp imagine #romance #angst #smut #trauma #draco fic #draco fanfic #draco x female reader #draco x male reader #gender neutral reader

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clockworkotter · 4 years ago

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been a while have a fuckin’ ramble of a rant lol

Today my parents called me looking for a fight because I asked them for the nth time to be mindful of shit they click and sign up for because they were getting shit sent to my email again. They did not take this well.

Like, lemme set a scene here--- today has been a DOOZY of a day including, but not limited to: a cat jumping out of a window onto my face and sliding my jaw out of socket in the process, a different cat possibly has a tumor, and my grandmother in law had a big health scare that ended with them going to the ER. (For now, she is fine and back home.) Today has been a lot of pain and stress.

My dad sent me a bunch of texts earlier that I saw but forgot to hit send on a reply to because so much shit was going down. Later in the day I checked my email and noticed I had yet another dumbshit newsletter IN HIS NAME sent to my email. Here’s the thing with that--- this has been a problem for a few years now. It started when they got a new car, they somehow managed to use my email address to set up their account with the dealer. I fully believe them when they say this was not on purpose because they DON’T KNOW MY EMAIL BY MEMORY. They have to look it up in their phones or on the computer. They would not be capable of writing it out on a paper form unless they whipped out their phones and checked and that’s stupid even for them. I figured they must have gotten some sort of sign up text or email and accidentally let autofill put mine in.

Ever since then, I’ve gotten things that they clearly intentionally signed up for because it’s related to shit I know they’ve been talking about or looking into. I get shit from shops local to them, in their name. None of this shit has had my name on it. Today I sent my dad a screencap of the latest thing I got with a message saying STOP THIS.

Now, to be faaaaaaaaaaair I didn’t nicely go “stop and check what y’all are clicking and signing up for” in this email, mostly because I have REPEATEDLY TOLD THEM this has been happening and that they need to be more mindful. I just said STOP.

This apparently sent them both into a rage because I got a call from my dad that I ignored at first because I was in the middle of a good stress cry and didn’t wanna interrupt that but he leaves a voicemail like call me NOW so, because there’s some major family drama going on on that side I was like well shit did something happen.

Call starts with him immediately huffing and saying he most certainly didn’t sign up for anything with my email. Before I can really answer he interrupts and gives a sort of perfunctory “oh and how is [grandmom]” and before I can even give a full answer on that my mom SNATCHES the phone from him (like i can HEAR as she grabbed it) and she starts in all super pissed about the email thing. Just totally offended and unreasonably defensive. I tell her that this has been an ongoing problem and I’m tired of having to remind them to be careful and she tries “this is the first time I’m hearing about it”

No it the fuck is not. We’ve had talks about this multiple times.

So she just gets progressively more and more angry because I won’t back down on it. I keep telling her this shit doesn’t happen in a vacuum and it shows me that they’re not careful about data they enter into things and I want them to pay more attention. She tries all sorts of shit including “well you used to live here so your email is tied to our address” nope, that’s not how it works but ok. “we haven’t even been to a car dealership” BITCH YOU JUST GOT A NEW CAR A FEW YEARS AGO AND THAT’S WHEN THIS STARTED. After I pointed that out, in nicer terms, she switched gears yet again. Each time I had to stand firm and remind her that it’s not the specific emails that are a problem, I have a magical tool called delete, the issue is that they clearly don’t know what kind of info they are using or giving out and because they’re both intentionally pigheaded about technology I think it’s a fair assumption that they’re not careful with their own info either.

I dunno man they called specifically to pick a fight and they got one I guess. I stood my ground until she got so mad she hung up on me, which honestly felt pretty good. For years she got her way by getting angry and throwing tantrums until I backed off just to make her shut up, but pandemic has help me let go of a lot of family shit because hey, I ain’t gotta see ‘em at Christmas!

In the end I guess she got a little of what she wanted because it ruined my day even more. I’m still pretty fucking pissed that they had the information that someone I love went to the fucking ER today and chose to push a fight instead of caring about that. Fuckin’ dumb.

anyway that’s my novel I just had to fucking rant about it even though I’ve ranted about it to friends and huzbutt like 40 times already because it just fucking pissed me off.

#personal #long post #venting #ranting #hi it's me i exist i just forget about tumblr

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imuybemovoko · 4 years ago

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My beliefs now

I set this blog up for a bunch of different purposes including conlangs/worldbuilding stuff, my writing, and my views on religion and maybe also politics. So far, mostly, I’ve ranted a lot about the beliefs I left behind. Now that I’ve let that particular sketchy brand of Christianity, now that I’ve discovered the ways it and my conservative family background were probably turning me into a fascist while I was still in all that, I figure I might as well try to hash out where I stand now. I’m around eleven months out from my deconversion, and a lot has already changed. I might try to attempt a before and after thing but there’s a lot to unpack about how I used to think and I’m not sure I’ve understood everything yet. I think I made the mistake of thinking that not very long before that repressed memory about “Sharon” and her Jonah display came crashing back in March. This is current to late July 2020 and may not include everything.

So without any further ado, let’s talk background. First, some things I’ve already either mentioned or given more than enough evidence for. I used to be a Christian fundamentalist. (Clearly. I rant about it a lot.) I got into that because I was raised religious, then let myself fall right the fuck into what I’ll call “deep end lite” shortly before senior year in high school. Some local churches in my small town arranged a missions trip thing and the way I agreed to go along felt in the moment like surrendering to a voice that’s been speaking to me all along. In ...a way, it was. Just not the voice I thought. I’m pretty sure I didn’t want this god, at any point like ever, until that little part of me whispered that it would be easier to accept him. I have a megathread document that I’ve stored a lot of my “God stories” from my time as a Christian in. Unfortunately I didn’t remember many specific details of this experience to write down in there, but I did write a bit of a “life-story” thing that reminds me that, chronologically, that happened after a period of focused attempts by the church to indoctrinate me, some traumatic things my family did, social struggles, and feeling like an asshole because of things I’d done in the past. I remember having this growing sense over the previous year that I was approaching some kind of very dangerous breaking point, to the point where (trigger warning: mental instability, school shooter mention. Please either stop here or skip to where it says “in other words” in the next paragraph after this if that’s going to be an issue. It also keeps getting dark from there for a minute. Please, please tread with care if you need to. There is no shame at all if this becomes too much. Take care of yourself first and foremost.)

when discussing how I came to accept the faith, I told some of my Christian friends that I felt like there was a scary chance of me becoming a school shooter. I think this may have been a post-hoc projection, but I can’t quite be sure of that. I was in a bad place for a bit there in high school. I had a wild temper and some sketchy intrusive thoughts.

In other words, it hit at a perfect moment of weakness. That’s how oppressive forms of spirituality function, it’s how hate groups function... it’s a massive shit cocktail and I found a pretty bad influence in the form of people who promote that whole “born again experience” thing in Christianity. I’d say I’m glad I missed out on being dragged into a fascist ideology this way, but uh... I’m no longer convinced I didn’t grow up around something like that. More later.

From there I spiraled my way through my first attempts at college through the university’s chapter of the Chi Alpha campus ministry and, peripherally through that, Assemblies of God (holy shit those guys are wild), then through a local Baptist church (more peripherally) and Calvary Chapel (I was a worship guitarist here for like 18 months and helped with their youth ministry for almost as long) closer to home and a CRU chapter at my community college. With each passing year I slipped further and further into this weird shame-induced funk where I got like... addicted to Jesus and hated myself or something. It’s a bit hard to find words that don’t take multiple entire extra pages and I want to be concise, so I’ll simply call it “Jesus-flavored depression” for brevity and because that was enough of a genuinely bad time (and I’m still fucked up enough) that I might need some fairly serious therapy.

Near the end of 2018 I was reaching a breaking point, wondering why nothing ever seemed to change in my life from “sexual sin” (...which in my case literally consisted of being attracted to women and occasional self-pleasure, but they literally teach you to hate yourself for less than that in the spicier churches rip) to my direction in life to how trapped I felt by my family. I also started to have more questions about the violence in the Bible and some of the sketchier doctrines, and that was strongly reinforced by some of the things I saw in a creative writing class I took, including an atheist who shared a story of a profoundly negative experience involving being taught about hell at a very young age. All that led to the absolute disaster that was December 2018. It was my last semester at the community college I went to. Finals week was a fucking disaster, and the week before that too, and my grades were really good but at great cost. I won’t go into a ton of detail because 1. space concerns and 2. this time is still damn painful to discuss, but just know that I’m unconvinced I’d have survived that month without this song. (Yes, that’s Paramore. Shut up xD they’re still good.) I looped it for like three days straight and I think it was just enough to keep me going through what was the third time I had any suicidal kind of thoughts ever and by far the worst and longest period of it so far.

So the next several months (and I won’t go into a ton of detail about this, I intended this post more to describe my current position and I don’t wanna get too in the weeds with background) were a confusing period of questioning, starting with, of all things, my family dynamic. The spiral after the week before finals was ...considerably worsened by some comments my dad made, and between that and some experiences in the past that the creative writing class I took that fall reminded me of, I was exposed to a bit of a deeply toxic pattern. I might discuss that more deeply in another post, but for now suffice it to say that extensive youtube binges and some other research between about January and March told me the situation is probably adjacent to pathological narcissism in some way. I brought some of this up to the church I was attending at the time (a small town Calvary Chapel, if I haven’t mentioned that already) and their responses were ...inconsistent. Some people blamed me, some people said “oh dang your dad is abusive”, and some people took the “your parents are trying their best” tack. In retrospect I think that made me doubt if God’s messaging to these people could really be trusted. Then, in about April, the question of hell came up again. I was helping in the church’s budding youth ministry at the time and we had about four regular attendees between the ages of 12 and 18. There were about three weeks in a row when one of the other adults (I’ll call her Kelly for the purposes of not doxxing; also more on her later) talked at length about how unbelief leads to hell. I remembered that atheist from creative writing, made the connection to these four kids, and thought, “what the hell are we doing?” (Pun not intended but rather convenient.) I immediately backed down from my role in the youth ministry, citing other equally valid but less pressing reasons involving stress from the issues with my dad, and tried to go on with life. But the floodgates were open.

In late May or early June, I was staring out a window one morning and suddenly a question crossed my mind unbidden: “Is God a narcissist?” I thought back to a relatively recent sermon by the associate pastor in which he explained that the purpose of the world was “for God’s glory”, to some apparent sudden flights of rage, and some other factors in the scriptures, and thought, “holy shit, I need to investigate this, because God is also very adjacent to narcissism.” It took a hot minute for the ball to really get rolling with that, but once it did... I came to a point by late June or early July where I delivered an ultimatum to God, something to the tune of “Ok, either show me how all these questions I have can be answered beyond a doubt or I’m done.”

There was no answer.

God was silent during this time, and the people in the church were shocked that I had the questions I did and either concerned or ...rather spicy. I joined an ex-Christian discord server to aid in a proper, thorough investigation. I aired my questions both there and on a Christian discord server. The Christian server was toxic as fuck and the ex-Christians started making a crazy amount of sense. I watched some videos from Cosmic Skeptic and TheraminTrees (most notably the latter’s deconversion story) for new perspectives and, by mid-August, had crashed out of the faith altogether.

So the last time I ever stepped into a church with the intent of attending service (I showed up after once in January of 2020 to kinda let them know and that went pretty badly lol) was about two weeks before I started college again in the fall. I burned all but one of my Bibles and a collection of gospel tracts I never did anything else with and stylized it like my limited understanding of what a satanic/pagan ritual looked like, complete with a chant in my conlang Aylaan for a more personal twist because of course, to feel edgy. (I did a lot of kind of weird shit to feel edgy; that’s one of two of them I’m sure I don’t regret.) And after that, things got ...ah, confusing?

Because of course when the linchpin of your understanding of the world gives way, everything becomes fucked for a hot minute.

So the first thing that happened was a couple months of anxiety and confusion. I slowly started to deconstruct my inherited political views too. (More on that later.) Then I had this really beautiful interesting moment in late September where I walked past a tree on the way to a class and had a sudden realization that I didn’t have to force the tree into a Christian framework anymore, it was just a beautiful mass of green shit and cellulose. I could appreciate it in whatever way I felt was best. I damn near broke down crying in the bathroom before class, it hit me that hard. So that’s fun xD

Since then I’ve kinda gone through a bunch of funky phases with this, including a couple of months of fairly salty atheism. Along with that process, I started questioning my sexuality in December (more on that in another post in a minute lmao it’s a trip) and literally shredding my politics in the face of Trump being a crackhead in a dangerous position getting away with confirmed illegal shit, COVID-19 and the ...dehumanizing responses of corporations and their sponsored politicians, and then what I noticed about the deaths of Ahmaud Arbery and George Floyd and the fallout from that. (In a nutshell, holy FUCK there’s a huge problem and it’s messed up that people don’t see it.) At this point, I’m socially progressive and pretty left leaning. I don’t know what the hell to do about it or how either other than some of the tense discussions I’ve been having, but I’d like to work against racism and discrimination too. So that’s cool and a lot better than where I was...

which... I regret deeply.

I don’t know exactly how to define my old political views, and they were marked by considerable cognitive dissonance. I’ll try to illustrate this as best I can but I don’t know what label I can use. Here goes.

Cursed images aside, I think the best way to explain this is through some background, i.e. what my parents believe, because my beliefs were largely inherited.

This might be majorly over-simplified and based on what I remember of my own pre-deconstruction views and what I hear them say lately. I’m doing my best, but take it with a grain of salt. Basically, it seems like they walk this weird line between constitutionalist and very authoritarian that I see a hell of a lot of in rural America. Kinda like the Republic party used to before they yeeted into Trump’s mindfuck wholeheartedly. They’re homophobic to a rather alarming degree (more on that in another post soon) and not ...overtly Christian-supremacist but you can tell that their ethics are dripping with it and they’re terrified of Islam and they’d like to legislate some aspects of Christian morality. They also support the second amendment, which is the one thing I still agree with them on that I’m aware of, but they take it to more of an extreme than I’m willing to. For further ...flavor, they also reject the premise that parts of our society are systemically racist (and maybe also the idea that such a thing is even possible because of course), subscribe to the “bootstrap theory” for everything they can think to apply it to, reject climate science, and have been extremely conspiratorial about COVID-19. Also they like making it out like everything is a Democrat conspiracy theory, compare the Democrats to Hitler and Stalin to a weird degree, have on at least one occasion called Fox Motherfucking News left-leaning, and think Alex Jones is wacky but sometimes raises valid points.

So that’s, in a nutshell, a bit of a look at my past political views, except I think I was a bit more Christian-dominionist than them and I think I had moments of “...does this really make any sense?” for years before I crashed out of everything. The first domino was my Christianity, but once that fell, my entire approach to the world went some places.

So ...yeah. Oof. I was sketchy as shit. Glad that’s changed.

So uh... I’ve already mentioned a vague (read: as much detail as I feel confident providing) description of my political views now, but after all this bullshit let’s finally get to the other half of my titular current beliefs. This ...isn’t going to be easy to explain either, but I feel more confident going into more detail. Buckle up :^)

Alright. So except for a couple of months where I was like “there is no god reeee” half because I was sOmE hYpErInTeLlEcTuAl SkEpTiC and half because of trauma from the toxic flavor of Christianity I left and some shitty developments in both politics and my social circles (I’ll talk at some length about “Kelly” in a sec here I think), since leaving Christianity I’ve always been what I’ll call “hopeful agnostic” (I think I stole this term from Rhett and/or Link lol). In a nutshell, what that means to me is “there may or may not be a god, but I hope there is at least one and they’re nice, or like, at least some spiritual thing that has a good aspect that can help me”. I also dabble in shitty rituals where I burn dead plants and occasionally also hate literature like gospel tracts (and, that one time, a couple of bibles) and basically call on “anyone who is listening and gives a fuck, else the placebo effect” for whatever my goal is. Like... witchy-adjacent but I don’t think about it very much at this stage. I kind of enjoy it, and I think for one reason or another it can be good for my mental health, but I’m wary of any kind of commitment or even more serious experimentation, even as I hope to find something good, because ...trauma, and maybe even absent that a desire to not be wrong in a way that’s dangerous to anyone else again. So that’s fun :^)

So if you’ve made it this far through this weird bullshit, thanks, this story is kind of important to me xD and if you couldn’t, and you’re not reading this ending thingy because it got too dark or it pissed you off or something, that’s cool too and you’re beautiful and valid. Whoever you are, I hope you find whatever healing you need. :)

#ex christian #spirituality #politics

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sir-adamus · 5 years ago

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So a lot of people seem to think the gods are good, or at least can't be judged because 'gods' or that at least the GoL is good and also that they are all wise, all powerful and at best only limit themselves to respect the free will of their creations and that at most defiant the series might have Ruby telling the gods they don't have the right to judge them or something. What's your take, on the gods in general and their potential narrative role & Scope of powers ETC?

i think a lot of the reason people think the gods are ‘good’ is for the same reason they think Ozpin ‘did nothing wrong’ (ie, because they’d rather blame a woman for everything). but they’re outright confirmed in the commentary to be based on Greek gods (famously abusive bastards) and Miles outright calls the God of Darkness an asshole

and they can absolutely be judged, the gods are by and large absolute bastards and just because they’re gods doesn’t mean they can’t (or shouldn’t) be held accountable for their awful actions just because they have a twisted sense of morality (it’s them who can’t judge humanity; they’ve got the power to destroy living, sapient beings who are just existing at any given moment for the pettiest of reasons, and they think they have the right to make that call)

and the God of Light isn’t remotely wise, otherwise he would’ve actually helped Salem with her grief instead of going “get over it lol” and then throwing a temper tantrum when she tried to convince his brother to help instead (a brother he actively mistreats while convincing him they’re equals - “oh yes brother, we are equals and created humanity together, now go back to your gross hole where they hate and despise you so they can keep adoring me” like he clearly has more power and influence over humanity than his brother does - to the point that the latter is genuinely surprised and touched that Salem came to visit him and was willing to break the agreed upon rules just as a favour to her)

‘wise’ gods wouldn’t get pissy the moment people stopped having faith in them and rage quitting (which the God of Light was obviously cool with - and then went behind his brother’s back to break the rule that caused this mess in the first place by bringing Oz back to life specifically for the purpose of summoning the gods back to Remnant to hang that sword of damocles back over their heads and phrasing it like he’s doing humanity a favour), ‘wise’ gods would actually value their creations autonomy and not treat this whole thing as an amusing experiment that they’re done playing with when their toys are too smart for them

and like, the God of Darkness’s parting words to Salem was “Still demanding things of your creators?” like, that’s such an abusive parent line! and this whole shit started because Salem was horribly abused by her father (oh yeah and the God of Light obviously already knew about that because he didn’t need context to know who Salem wanted him to resurrect, so he also apparently has more power than his brother - namely omniscience - yeah some equal partnership, and he also did nothing about that, some good guy) and understandably didn’t know how to deal with grief and the parting shot she gets (before she’s crushed by a chunk of the moon and left to wander the planet for eons, unable to even die) is that reminder of her father? yeah, they’re clearly the good guys who can be reasoned with - hell Salem’s whole gambit was banking on how fallible they actually were (a fact they really didn’t want humanity to know, apparently, given how the response was to kill everyone; they’re clearly not as all powerful as they pretend to be, even if they are major threats)

and like, why on earth would the heroes stop at Salem? someone who is only the way she is because of how she was mistreated time and again until she snapped (because let’s face it, none of that would be good for anyone’s sanity), and then when the people who put her in that position show up the heroes go “nah you guys are chill”? how does that make sense?

on top of that, it’s actively ignoring the inspirations that RWBY takes - this series is so blatantly inspired and influenced by JRPGs like Final Fantasy, and in those games, if there are gods, they will end up showing up, they will be bastards, and you will end up killing them because fuck the destiny they’ve written - it doesn’t make sense to treat that level of threat as ‘too big to handle’ and so just... not actually dealing with having those shitheads around; especially when the thesis statement of the show is that anything is possible when you work together

#RWB/Y #tumblingxelian

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fixxofvixx · 6 years ago

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Stay with Me - Demon Leo AU - Chapter 12

Hello my darlings~~~~

The plot has thickened!! So, I hope you like it!!!!

Either Teaching VIXX or Vampire Taekwokn is next. Depends on which one writes itself the fastest….lol

Please let me know what you think!!!

😈😈😈😈😈😈

You stared Hakyeon in disbelief.

“My parents? What in the hell do you have to do with my parents?”

“Oh, they didn’t tell you? We go way back. Hmmm, probably around the time your grandparents died.” He smiled an evil grin and your stomach churned.

“A-are you saying that……”

“No, I didn’t kill them. They asked me to. But even demons have their limits. They were innocents and had nothing to do with me. You can thank your parents for their death.”

Now you felt really sick. New tears formed and you laid your forehead on Leo’s shoulder. You’d had your suspicions but for someone to confirm it for you made it feel like it was happening all over again.

“Aww, come now, beautiful, they were old. They would have been dead soon anyway.”

Your raised your head to look at Hakyeon. You crawled out from behind Leo and walked to the window. Leo stood and tried to pull you back but you waved him off. You didn’t stop until you stood at the window, only a few feet from Hakyeon.

“I will give you one chance to fully explain what in the hell you want from me. And stop being an annoying cryptic asshole. You have five minutes to explain clearly. At which point I will tell you AGAIN that I have no idea what you’re talking about. Then you will leave us alone or I will find a way to open the gates of hell myself and throw your ass down there!”

Hakyeon sat on the tree limb silent. Then you noticed that his body was trembling slightly in rage. His eyes narrowed at you and smoke trailed from his feet.

“You arrogant little….” Hakyeon stood from his seat and his wings burst from his back. “Tell you what. You come out here and talk to me and I’ll tell you everything.”

“Do you think I’m stupid?” You laughed as Leo moved closer to you, ready for whatever Hakyeon had up his sleeve.

“No, quite the contrary. But you are curious.” He smirked as he moved forward, small wooden discs appeared out of nowhere to guide him to your window. The last one was bigger and it hovered just a few centimeters from the window sill. He stopped there and sat down again. Now he was only a couple feet from you.

“You’re right, I am curious. But I’m not desperate. I’m not the one seeking something the apparently doesn’t even exist. It makes no difference to me whether you find it or not.”

“Brother, remove the charms you placed on this house. I would like to have words with your human.” Hakyeon’s tone sent a shiver down your spine. He was extremely pissed off now.

“You can speak to her from right where you’re at.” Leo’s voice was barely audible, his own rage barely contained. Hakyeon took a short glance at his brother but then turned his attention back to you.

“Do you fear me, beautiful? Don’t you want to go somewhere nice and quiet? I promise to give you right back…..maybe even in one piece.”

You crossed your arms over your chest and sighed, ignoring the dull ache in your body. “Not happening. Are you going to say anything useful anytime soon? I’m starting to get bored.”

“Brother, I must say, you’ve got quite the firecracker. Now I feel slightly more apologetic for interrupting you earlier. Meh, no matter. Fine, I will explain.”

“Finally.” He glared at you before continuing.

“The item I seek–or more specifically, items–was handcrafted by one of our brothers, Ken, as a thank you gift to your grandparents. He had been injured and your grandparents took him in and helped him recover. In return, he made a set; a clock and two trees to match. However, what’s inside the clock is what I really want.”

“And what is that, your lost marbles?”

“Wench. No, power. A very specific power. Your parents found out about it and, of course, wanted it. Certainly your grandparents wouldn’t open it for them. So they killed them in hopes of getting it open. But, as they very quickly found out, it also can’t be opened unless a blood descendant does it. So, I was summoned by your parents via spell to help with that. Your mother assured me that the gift had been given to you before your grandparents’ untimely death. If I convinced you to open it, they would have all the riches they desired and I would have the power inside. But, our brother found out and banished me to a remote forest and your parents obviously moved here out of fear of him.”

“Wait, you said a blood relative had to open it. So why didn’t my mother simply open it?”

“Oh, did I forget to mention it? They aren’t your real parents. Hell, they aren’t even human.”

Your legs gave out. Leo caught you before you hit the floor. He wrapped his arms around you, holding you secure against his side.

“Oh dear, she didn’t take that well, did she?”

“Leave, Hakyeon. She obviously has no idea what you’re talking about. You’re just torturing her at this point.”

“Aww, it was just getting interesting. I have so much more to tell!” Hakyeon stood up on the wooden disk and brushed his pants off.

“What are they?” Your voice was unrecognizable to you. You looked at Hakyeon and waited for him to reply.

“Witches. And before you ask, I have no idea who or where your real parents are. Perhaps we can strike a deal. You give me what I want and I’ll leave you alone. We can–”

Leo snapped his fingers and the window disappeared from your wall. Now, your room was completely closed in. Even the skylight was gone.

“That was very rude!!” You could hear Hakyeon scream through the wall but then it was silent. You turned your head back to Leo as he smiled gently at you.

“I’ll put it back later. I figured you’d had enough.”

“You’d be right. I just need a little while to wrap my head around all of this.”

“I will try to get in touch with my brother. Maybe he can give us some more information.”

“Is he…..like Hakyeon?” Leo led you back to the bed so you could sit down.

“No, Jaehwan is as far from a demon one could get. But he’s a ghost and very difficult to track down. But I will try.”

Worried that Hakyeon was still lingering outside, you grabbed Leo’s hand and put it to the back of your neck. He nodded, understanding what you were thinking.

Your things are hidden in my room, in a box, guarded by charms. He can’t get to them. We can leave them in there until we can figure things out.

“Thats good. I just can’t believe how complicated things have gotten. Honestly, I just dont want to think about it right now. My mind is still fuzzy and I just….”

Leo kept his hand where it was and massaged the back of your neck gently. You breathed a sigh of relief when he didn’t press the issue.

You know, we were rudely interrupted earlier. His voice echoed in your head and took over your senses. It wasn’t at all unpleasant. But, your cheeks turned red as you recalled what you had been doing with Leo before Hakyeon had made his appearance.

Would you like me to take your mind off things? I think you’ll find that I can be very effective.

You opened your eyes to see his face only centimeters from you. He moved his hand that had been on your neck and placed it on your thigh.

“I think,” you had to clear your throat to speak properly, “that I might take that shower now.”

“Hmm, pity.”

You laughed nervously and stood up from the bed. You turned to say something else to Leo but he had vanished. Frowning, you worried that he might have been upset that you’d rejected him. Or that you hadn’t liked it. It was quite the contrary but you had panicked. You made a note to explain it to him later, if your heart held together.

—————————

Twenty minutes later, you stepped quietly out of your bedroom and headed towards Leo’s room. His door was open so you peeked inside but he wasn’t in there. You trudged down the steps and looked in the living room and kitchen. Still no Leo. You took a glance outside from the windows but saw nothing. Pouting, you plopped down on the couch.

“Where did he go?” The silence gave you no answer. Movement outside revealed Serix bounding around in front of the window. Worried something was wrong, you hurried to the door and let him in. He brushed past you and headed straight for the fireplace. He sniffed the air and whined a bit. You laughed when you realized the he wanted to sleep by the fire again.

You walked back to the couch and sat down.

“Come here.” You patted your lap and he launched himself at you. You scratched his ears as he snuggled further into your lap.

“Serix?” The little fox looked up at you. “Have you seen him?”

The little fox nodded his head and you frowned.

“Was he mad or anything?” Again, the fox nodded his head. Pain settled in your heart. Leo must think you didn’t want him like that. Adjusting the fox in your lap you moved to lay down on the couch. Serix licked your hand then curled up against your belly.

It seemed as though you had just closed your eyes when you felt a hand on your cheek. Your eyes popped open to see Leo kneeling in front of you. You immediately sat up, threw your arms around him, and kissed him. You could feel his hesitation and it worried you more. Leaning back, you could see how uncomfortable he was.

“I’m sorry about earlier. I didn’t mean to reject you. I just panicked because I…..well, I don’t even know. But, please don’t be upset. I want you like that but maybe just not right now? I’m just confused about everything and I–”

“Okay, okay, I know. I’m not upset with you. Not at all.” He laughed and .

“But Serix said he saw you when you left and that you were mad.” You finally remembered that he had been curled up next you. But he was gone now.

“Honey, Serix is territorial and he likes you so he’s gonna try to keep you for himself. He’s also a fox and they tend to be mischievous. I asked him to watch over you while I went to talk with my brother.”

“Oh.” You processed everything for a couple of seconds. “Did you find him?”

“I did, actually.” Leo looked behind you and you whirled around to see a tall man with white hair and the same blue eyes that Leo and Hakyeon had. Realization slowly dawned on you that he must have been standing there while you were telling Leo all those things.

“Hi. I’m Ken.”

“Oh my God.” You let go of Leo and tried to bury yourself in the couch.

#Leo fic #demon Leo fic #taekwoon fic #taekwoon au #leo au #vixx #vixx au #vixx fic

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sanjuno · 7 years ago

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You wrote it! LOL, I am amazed and gleeful and yes it is dark, but it's dark in a way that leaves you gleeful that the /bastards got what was coming to them/. Hooray! Although now I have the mental image of XANXUS being raised by Madara and Tobirama

I did indeed write it apparently, because I don’t really have a clear memory of doing so and I’m glad you enjoyed it. I’m really fond of abrupt and inevitable vengeance. It’s what happens when you make an enemy of a self-determined (or at least a ninja raised) person. Once they decide that someone has to die it’s just a matter of picking the moment. Funny thing about humans is that we really don’t expect other people to try and kill us, especially not fluffy bunnies like Tsuna. Which, of course, is why Tsuna’s plan worked so well.

“Hi, sperm donor. Die, sperm donor.” *BOOM*

Conversely, I feel like a Xanxus raised by Madara and Tobirama would have 100% more chill than his canon self. I mean, yeah he’d still be a Wrath Sky, but he’d have Madara to learn techniques from and acceptance from the rest of the Hibari Clan even without him being their blood. Especially if Madara had Resonance with Xanxus (which he very much would, thanks) and then Xanxus found his Cloud from among the HIbari, because the Hibari adopt their Skies into the Clan rather than letting Clan Members leave. (Gotta love that Cloudy Territoriality.)

Because I’m imagining a Xanxus who gets taken in by Madara when he’s still a child. During the hunt for the Man in the Iron Hat, Madara and his brothers would come across tiny feral street child Xanxus and instantly fall in love with the savage bundle of rage. Of course, Xanxus’ mama is cracked, and she insists that Xanxus has “his father’s Flame” and everyone knows that Xanxus looks nothing like Madara but it’s enough to get Madara’s attention. So Madara takes Xanxus home with him because adoption is a perfectly valid way to have kids and the Hibari can only benefit from having another Sky.

So Xanxus grows up knowing that he was adopted, but also that Madara chose to be Xanxus’ parent despite their lack of blood relation. And from Madara Xanxus learns how to hold the loyalty of an entire Clan. It’s not the all-or-nothing limitation of the Guardian Bonds that are so vaunted in the Western World. It’s a variety, it’s family, because there’s always that one relative that you’d rather throw into the koi pond or set on fire, but you’d still take their side in a bar fight because they’re your asshole relative. And Madara, and then Xanxus in turn, would be the Hibari Clan Skies and all that the title entails.

Then the sealing thing with Tsuna happens, and Madara would go to get Tobirama. Now, this makes things get really interesting, because now Tsuna has both a New Dad and a New Big Brother who are both Wrath Skies. Plus Tobirama as his Other Dad. So when the Vongola show up with their Ring Battle Nonsense, there is a VERY PERVASIVE sense of WHAT THE EVERLOVING FUCK because the tiny Primo clone has a Wrath Sky “cousin” who is Secondo’s clone.

Of course, Xanxus prowls around eyeing the Varia because the Sky in him is going “ooh shiny” and the Hibari cultivated parts of him are going “this is Ours now.” Tobirama would just be the Most Proud Dad when Xanxus went out and took over the Varia and brought them home with him. Because yes, assassins are only scary if they aren’t your assassins.

@hamelin-born said:

I’m pretty sure that a Xanxus raised by Madara and Tobirama (Plucked from the ice, given a real family - Madara knows that Rage. Tobirama knows that Will.) would trigger either the apocalypse or end up founding an independent Family of his own that more then rivaled Vongola. Because the best revenge is living well, being fully capable of destroying your enemies, and watching in glee as they squirm on the hook, knowing that they live only at your sufferance.

Oh yes, so in the case of a Xanxus taken away from the Vongola post-icing he’d be 16 or 17 ish? In which case we have a Xanxus who is riding the ragged edge of his sanity, betrayed and well aware of how little he actually means to his “adoptive” father. This would be a Xanxus taken in to the Hibari Clan just after Tsuna was revived, who would see Tsuna (an actual descendant of the Vongola) who Nono was just as prepared to kill.

Xanxus and Tsuna would resonate so deeply with one another here. And with Madara, because Hashirama might have only been his blood in their first life but he was still Madara’s brother ever after, and how many lifetimes ended with Madara dead by his brother’s hand?

Meanwhile Tobirama is staring at Madara and wondering somewhat incredulously why he’d never noticed how much of a mother hen Madara is. You thought the fussing over his little brother’s was bad, but that has nothing on Madara when he has foundlings to mother. Such fussing. (Tobirama is certainly not blushing shut up. Even if he was blushing it would be understandable because the ability to care for children is an attractive trait in a man.)

With Xanxus free, the Varia are in a bit of a conundrum, because do they confront Nono? Do they try to track Xanxus down? Do they wait for communication from Xanxus? Is this a trap by Nono? A test to see if they’re still loyal to Xanxus? Is Xanxus really free? THEY NEED TO KNOW WHAT TO DO AND THEY NEED TO KNOW NOW.

And then Fon drops by to see Mammon and is deeply apologetic about his nephew’s tendency to just take things that interest him. Mammon is just staring at Fon over their strawberry milk. Because how the fuck? Now, to be fair, if the Vongola hadn’t sealed Tsunayoshi then Madara would never have had a reason to go snooping and he never would have found Xanxus’ iceberg, so it’s all Nono’s fault in the end anyway.

Still, there is a slow trickle of the Varia members disappearing or retiring or leaving without warning, starting with Squalo and the other Officers. Except for Ottabio, of course, who ends up in charge of the dregs and sycophants and mooks. None of whom really deserve to be called the Varia and are little better than thugs.

Meanwhile the real Varia are being folded into the Hibari Clan and Madara is delighted look at what a wonderful son he has. Look at how he’s strengthening the Clan. Isn’t he just precious? Xanxus has… no earthly idea how to deal with this. Especially when Madara tuts and tells Bel and the other kids that if their aim is to cause maximum trauma they should cut here and then put pressure there and Tobirama is in the background complaining that Madara should not be teaching the children his bad habits and efficiency is better for contract assassins and it’s all morbidly heartwarming.

Then of course Reborn shows up to teach Tsuna and there is even more DRAMA AND CHAOS than in canon. And yes, Nono and Iemitsu are terrified to find out that this is where Xanxus has been. What is he planning?

And then Tsuna probably poisons them both with something chakra treated and incurable because this time he wants them to suffer for what they did to Xan-nii, so no mercifully quick deaths for them this time. The Vongola proceeds to get taken over by the cheerfully ruthless combo of Tsuna and Xanxus. The Alliance quick learns that a happy Xanxus is the scariest Xanxus of all.

#Sanjuno Answers #Sanjuno self metas #Fanfic meta #KHR meta #KHR fusion fic #Naruto meta #Uchiha Madara #xanxus di vongola #sawada tsunayoshi #The Hibari Clan is terrifying #Karmic Balance AU #This is more like Karmic Justice

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tylerwritez · 4 years ago

Text

Saturday, June 19 2021

I dont know how I feel about the day yet cos right now its only 10:13. I dont post these exactly on the days I write them, but I write them on these exact days nonetheless.

My throat still hurts, my ass hurts, oUch,.... I'm sure you know why. Like, when you suck dick, it takes throat strength to make sure you don't fucking vomit everywhere and like. I OBVIOUSLY dont have that strength since I had to wash vomit outta my hair this morning

Hes so hot tho oh. My god.

Whatever. New day. So we talk about new things.

Star seems kinda sad but I dont really know why? She said on her story that people dont really go outta their way to talk to her... idk. I shot a good morning dm and now I'm here. I made my bed. Packed up my shit. Every time we pack things up my parents rage cos they always find shit they dont want to see: monster cans, evidence of my self harm, etc.

We have 1 more week then school is OVER and I move outta this house cos of the divorce. Jay will be gone too... I still have his insta, but I might ask for his number... just in case. I always get weirdly attached to people I fuck even if there was never any romantic part of the relationship. We are just friends.

Apparently we are going to the pick n pack today with my friend let's call her Zara. It's notfar off from her real name but whatever. Basically pick n pack is where you go to a vegetable garden and pick vegetables

I have a test soon but idk if I'll study for it. I NEVER really put work into studying or pay attention in class and I'm holding an 82 average. I got a 39 once, so once I retake that quiz I might be in the 90s. Sorry Mr. Renal, I simply can't bring myself to care about your class 😢

I LOVE my art class tho. It's just doing ART!!!! ART TIME!!!! Art is the best and I would post some of mine but my irls would proabably find me then. Like my name isnt ACTUALLY Jude Shepard. I'm just using it as a penname and also cos that's what they called me in my dream. But other than that everything I tell y'all is real. I'm making buttered toast rn.

3:38 p.m. sat june 19th

I've decided to include a song recommendation with every entry. Today's recommendation: A Match Into Water by Pierce The Veil

Okay so it turns out we didnt go to pick n pack with Zara. Instead we went to downtown... White Ave. It was sunny n we walked a bit, got lemonades and a bit of candy, went into stores, idk. BUT. The notable part of this is that next to the farmers market there were all the usual activist groups: falun gong, vegan, whatever... but one of them looked like it was a LEFTIST GROUP, possible marxist.

I wanted to talk to them so badly and wanted to see how I could help the cause. See, I'm a communist. AND IM NOT HERE TO DEBATE THAT. I'm here to talk about my days. Anwyays I wanted to talk to them sO BADLY. but my parents wouldn't leave me alone. And like. I hate political discussion with them. They just upset me and they get mad and I CANT AFFORD TO MAKE THEM MAD. I play everything that goes on with me on the Down Low, I dont talk about anything about myself because if I do, I get less freedom in my life. They have control in my life, so I have to appease them. Because of this, I unfortunately did not get to talk to the communists :(

Hopefully they're still there next time... I'm kinda mad >:(

Also Star replied to my good morning text... I told her to have fun shopping since that's what she told me she was gonna do... she just said "thanks" and I was concerned because THATS NOT HOW SHE TYPES? I feel like shes sad over something but i dont know what.

The day me and Jacob did stuff, I was supposed to walk her to her bus stop like I always do. But I didnt (duh) I took Jacob home.

But IT WAS ONE! DAY. And I told her my dad called me over so.... I apologized too and she seemed mad at herself, but in the way that's intended to make you feel bad.

I dont understand her sometimes. I LOVE HER. DON'T GET ME WRONG. I love her so so much shes such a great supportive funny attractive girl! But soemtimes she gets upset and I can never tell why: is it the depression? Is it me? Is it soemthing else entirely? And she'll never tell me.

Whatever, I'll ask her how she is tonight and maybe we can Talk :/

I might never tell her about Jay... :P I might never tell ANYONE about Jay. It's our little secret I guess >:))))))

Man see? I'm no saint. I guess that's what'll make this blog worth reading. I'm a bit conflicted about the whole thing cos I KNOW this is morally not right but. I'm doing it anyways. What can I say? I'm used to lying and hiding things for my benefit. I had to do it to survive and now? Now I do it for funsies.

I'm gonna pack some more stuff, TTYL ♡

UPDATE: we had to go look at houses for the move (since my parents r divorcing) and I didnt get to pack much of anything yet

I'm definently over my cal limit today...

Cold sweet or carbonated drinks help with my throat pain so I'm downing them like they're NOTHING and since we have no zero cal cold drinks I'm DEAD... and no, water does NOTHING.

Jeez, its raining out.

And FUCK JAY cos hes still on my mind.

Its 4:11 p.m. now.

Its now 7:56 p.m.

I kinda feel like an edgy main character in an edgy movie rolling up to the park and sitting #alone in the Treez like the emo band music video protagonist I am.

Sometimes its exhausting to talk to people I care about in a serious way or that I talk to in a more sincere manner like Star and Jay and others. Even if they're just friends. If our interactions are serious and not really casual and usually play out like long deep conversation, I feel like to respond to or even read their messages, I need to have like an hour allotted to conversation. Soemtimes I see the messages early and have to pretend I didnt see em cos I dont have internet to respond or time to respond its. Funny. Idk.

Anwyays I'm binging chocolate in a park alone and like. Rotting my fucking teeth OH WELL 🤷🏻‍♂️ whatcha gonna do.

Its 8 now so I should head home. I just biked to the s4ve 0ns to get my dad white choclate but. If I'm going to s4ve 0ns... YOU BET YOUR ASS IM GONNA STE4L SHIT. THAT PLACE IS EASY AS FUCKKK.

Also I'm kinda addicted to sh0pl1fting. The THRILL I get from it is so insane. It's fun! And you get free stuff! I know If i get caught I'm risking a lot. I'm aware. But I dont really care. Every step I take nowadays is risk taking. So why not take more?

I dont care about nonsense therapy. Fuck that.... actually I'll explain why i dont go to therapy for my shit:

1. I cant

2. I don't trust it

Anwyays yeah.

My throat still hurts. Idk, I just like to be in the sun and shit ALONE.

ALONE! It's so funny to me how now I like my time alone but as a kid I'd proabably kill for some positive attention. Well... it's more complex than that, but I wont go into it tonight.

Pls watch me die of diabetes soon from eating all this fucking chocolate.

My parents said to stop drinking monster and I wANT THEM TO TRUST ME so i can go out with my friends... but also I shoulda got monster outta spite. Heart palpitations my ASS.

Tonight I'll be talking to Jay AND Star. At the same time. Which is awkward... Which is MY OWN MESS TO CLEAN UP. I actually accept full responsibility. But also its awkward.

Whatever. I'll sort it out.

My parents arent being as complicated as usual. I guess they're tryna reverse all those years of... emotional neglect i guess? Something.

Something. Which isnt nothing.

But also I think they're guilty over the divorce. Like. Today my dad was like "do u ever feel sad? Blah blah blah... how do u feel rn" and I was like smiling tryna play off his question like it was absurd and I said "uhm idk... *fake laugh* normal?"

THE TRUTH WAS THAT I WAS A BIT CONFUDDLED ABOUT WHAT I WAS GONNA DO REGARDING. LITERALLY CHEATING. ON MY GF. WITH SOME DUDE IN MY ART CLASS. JUST FOR SEX.

But then he was like "this isnt normal." And he looked all sad. But on my way to the park here, I thought about it a bit more. And actually... it IS normal. The divorce rate is smthn like 60 percent in the states and 40 percent in canada... which is where I live.

Yknow... if my irls find this,,, all I have to say is sorry. Be as mean as you want.

I've already accepted my fate as a degenerate scumbag anyways lol.

Actually... how DO I feel? Hmm... laying in this field.

Urgency.

I have a lot of stuff to do.

Physical pain, but that's not. A FEELING.

I guess anticipation to TALK TO PEOPLE.

Regret from my binge... I better get home.

You know what's so funny to me? I cant purge on my own... but dick makes me vomit. Like the one time I DONT want to throw up, I do. Damn okay.

Well its 8:18 so I'm going home maybe. Soon. For now, I think I'll stay a little longer.

Yknow one thing I didn't expect to be sore was my arms... which I used to prop myself up to... yknow, suck Jay...

I still remember he said: "you're trembling." And I was like FUCK because I thought the trembling was HIM... •_• it's okay though I'll learn to do better.

Idk tho... I feel comfortable with him. Even as nervous as I am and embarrassed to be. Naked. In front of soemone else. And such. He makes me feel comfortable. Look, I did my best, DUH of cOURSE I did my best, I'm the type who will work hard at stuff even if they're getting hurt. I didnt mind honeslty. My goal in that part was just to make him feel good. Equal exchange, yknow? He did the same thing to me.

But like, he can tell when I gag and he tells me not to hurt myself and of course I keep going, I'm not about to SToP. But. I dont kNOW. Him talking to me like that makes me feel a lot safer doing stuff like that you know?

I like when he starts kissing me and touching me like he cant contain himself its almost animalistic and VERY FUCKING HOT

I feel like I talk about him too much but you gotta realize that was my FIRST time

1. Sucking dick

2. having MY junk sucked

3. Having anything put. Inside me. (It was just his finger but stILL)

So yeaH. Of course I'm gonna talk about it. A lot.

He said I was adorable. He said he likes how, when he leans over me, I take in a breath... how he could make me flinch.

THATS HOT ISNT IT.

I feel like I'm getting lost in his charm when I shoULD be tryna fix shit with my girlfriend. She seems sad and I'm worried.

But there isnt much more to say until I DM her tonight...

I really fucked up, didn't I? I totally fucked up and now my brain is all confused. But I have to remember that Jay is only about sex. He would be nice to cuddle, since hes fucking HUGE and I'm kinda on the short side, but he doesnt talk to me out of love. He does it out of lust. And yeah... I really only want sex from him too. But like. Star and I are COMMITTED. We got our feelings wrapped up together. Emotionally and romantically.

So. I should proabably like... stop fucking with Jay. Tell Star what I did. And hope she forgives me. That's the morally correct thing to do.

But like... do I EVER make the morally correct decision? No. Not really. I'm a piece of shit. Whatever. Its highschool anwyays we arent mating for life. IM NOT SAYING WHAT I DID WASNT BAD. IT WAS. VERY BAD.

but I'm gonna keep making bad decisions.

I DO FEEL BAD.... but look. If we're being logical about this and tryna maximize my benefit here,, I should keep Star as my girlfriend and TREAT HER WELL... but with Jay as a fuckbuddy on the side. Hes leaving the school soon anwyays so then we'll hang out less...

That's my plan, anyways.

I KNOW I'm a bad person. I'm aware. But it's just a fact of life.

I'm cheating with my cards here in so many places: stealing, lying, cheating, disobeying my parents, not paying attention in class.. IM KIND OF AN ASSHOLE KID. Idk. It's kinda whatever to me. I'm fucking harry Houdini, okay? I can get out of anyhting. This isnt me being cocky... I have historically gotten out of MANY tight situations, even some that risked my life, and I'm still here. I think I'm a walking lucky charm or SOEMTHING

Welp, we know if gods real I'm going to hell.

I dont really care. Idk. I guess I'm just at that risk taking phase in.my life. That doesnt justify anything... but it explains it. And it's possible to explain without justifying.

Man,,, I guarantee whoever reads this blog is gonna hate my guts.

Whatever. It's my fucking journal/diary lol.

I can sorta say whatever I'd like.

It's funny because I always thought I was trustworthy and had no commitment issues BUT HEY I GUESS NOT.

I keep telling myself, cut him off, YOU AVE A GIRLFRIEND, FESS UP AND APOLOGIZE... but then I picture his STUPID smirking face and I CANT.

Maybe I am in love double.

Doesnt matter if I am... i still did a bad thing.

DAMN.

Well... I'm headed back home now. 8:41. I'm gonna pack my shit, change, watch youtube,,,, I guess I should check my google classroom and like. do my fucking homework... cos I haven't done it yet.

Then I'll update yall.

11:51 p.m.

Hey guys I'm back with an update.

I talked with both of then... star doesnt seem interested in having an actual conversation,,, shes just talking about random bs. Which is fine but I dont rly get what shes saying half the time COS SHES NOT BLUNT ENOUGH. and then the other half shes going on about how much she hates life. Like.

I do love her. We've bonded. I AM concerned about her. But sometimes I feel like she doesn't really try. Like I can talk her down from suicide all I want but everything I say is wrong and cliched and based off my own experience with suicidal thoughts and like... my mentality has always been sorta toxicly masculine. Push through, and push through alone. I CANT ALWAYS HELP! And it makes me feel shitty. Idk. She'll be okay, I know so cos of her story posts and drawings.

I feel bad but I know I can't help much. We talked a little. Idk, we didnt get anywhere. I love her but shes acting in a way that tells me soemthing is wrong but I CANT FIX THAT THING. SO. yeah, theres not much to say. I wish I could take away all her pain but I can't.

I talked to Jay as well... I DONT KNOW WHATS HAPPENING BECAUSE I LIKE HIM SO SO MUCH. SO MUCH. HES LITERALLY PERFECT. sexy, kind and super considerate, he always makes sure I'm comfortable... I dont KNOW,,, hes sweet.

Hes not romantically interested in me. Which is a bit sad. Sometimes I want to tell him "I love you!!!" But then I remember that we are, in his words, friends with benefits. Fuck buddies. Two horny teenage boys who just wanna fuck... and be friends. That's all. That's us. We aren't romantically involved nor will we ever be. I hate how my brain gets so attached to anyone I fuck... especially since I kinda see Jay as an "older brother" figure, which makes no sense until you actually meet him and vibe with him... and like,,, I've always wanted that?

Tommorow I'm gonna ask for him to come over to watch a movie... but idk if I should actually ask because my parents kinda hate me now for fucking up so much. I'll do my homework and clean my room first... which will take up all my time proabably :( it's okay. Maybe some other time :(

I dont want him to lose interest in me though.

.... its 1:56 a.m.

Okay. Okay. I'll say it. I love him.

Goodnight, tumblr.

-Jude

#JudeJournals #jude shepard #tumblr diary #journal

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elijahmillenniummikaelson · 7 years ago

Note

✩ for Sienna x Elijah!

Send ‘✩’ for the following:Disagreements:

Who is more likely to raise their voice? Probably Sienna since Elijah has an intermediate step in which he initially lowers his voice to a sharp, threatening warning when he is disagreeing with someone. Who threatens to leave but never actually does? Sienna. Which doesn’t mean she doesn’t absolutely succeeds in riling him up every time. Who actually keeps their word and leaves? Elijah. Mostly because in spite of everything he does he still has an obsession with technically keeping his word. Emphasis on technically. Mostly he just exits the room so the warning is fulfilled and immediately after returns with a vengeance like a drama king. Who trashes the house? If things escalate to that level I suspect Sienna would take advantage of at least one of Elijah’s unique items collections in order to force him into playing juggler for a moment. Do either of them get physical? Sure…In the sense that their disagreements religiously end when one of them begins to passionately kiss the other as if there was no tomorrow. How often do they argue/disagree? Surprisingly next to never from what we have seen until now. They playfully tease and taunt each other constantly but In spite of their tempers they seem to be too fervently attracted to the other’s supposedly worst qualities to actually have a classical fight. Who is the first to apologize? Both Sienna and Elijah: “…What the hell is an apology?”

Sex:Who is on top? Elijah has a predilection for utterly overwhelming her with pleasure and discover what kinds of pleading and raging moans he can find in the process so his first instinct is towards an active position but I suspect the reverse also occurs pretty often.Who is on the bottom? I don’t think anyone is “on the bottom” from their perspective. They are either taking and consuming the other in satisfaction or receiving the thrilling, passionate bliss they obviously deserve. Who has the strangest desires?…Define strangeAny kinks? Who? Them? No! I think it is obvious these two, morally sound citizens are pretty vanilla. XDWho’s dominant in bed? “Elijah has a predilection for utterly overwhelming her with pleasure and discover what kinds of pleading and raging moans he can find…”Is head ever in the equation? Is it ever not?If so, who is better at performing it?…Let’s not make those two compete with each other. Ever had sex in public? Well….Considering the level of hiding involved in their connection and how impatient they can get….One could assume…Who moans the most? “Elijah has a predilection for utterly overwhelming her with pleasure and discover what kinds of pleading and raging moans he can find…”Who leaves the most marks? Tsk tsk…What did we just say about competitions? We are adding fuel to the fire.Who screams the loudest? “Elijah has a predilection for utterly overwhelming her with pleasure and discover what kinds of pleading and raging moans he can find…”Who is the more experienced of the two? Probably Elijah by merit of age.Do they ‘fuck’ or ‘make love’? Hmm…Elijah would diplomatically quote “To define is to limit”Rough or soft? Fervidly intense, lustful and steamy as a general rule. Sometimes surprisingly soft and caring. Neither of them mention the implications of the second kind too much.How long do they usually last? Hours if they are supposed to have only twenty minutes together. Twenty minutes if they are supposed to have hours. Then they can go for a whole packet of rounds.Is protection used? YesDoes it ever get boring? Ha-HaWhere is the strangest place they’d have sex? Now these questions are challenging them? What little common sense!

Family:Do your muses plan on having children/or have children? Their current relationship goals include not dying for Elijah and not initiating a mob war for Sienna. If so, how many children do your muses want/have? I think I need to give an answer for the next few questions to make sense so on the top of my head lets say…A girl and a boy? The girl could have been spoiled beyond measure and in consequence be even more entitled, arrogant and adorably egocentric than the two of them combined and just for the fun and potential hilarious situations I would say the boy actually seems to be a genuinely noble, kind and compassionate person. No one knows how it happened. No one knows what to do with him. Sienna can choose the names if she wants. lolWho is the favorite parent? For the girl whoever is pampering her more that week. For the boy…Sienna. Who is the authoritative parent? Elijah.Who is more likely to allow the children to have a day off school? Both under the right strategy. With Sienna they can explain they meet this really interesting boy/girl or that they have to show the bossy teacher he can’t control them. With Elijah they can tell him they have a clever seven step plan that includes manipulation, deceit and betrayal in order to become head cheerleader/ school council president and it is really important for them to be away so no one suspects they are responsible for what they put into motion. Who lets the children indulge in sweets and junk food when the other isn’t around? That’s not how it works. The rules say 20% of the sweets they bring home automatically go to the parents who also reserve the right to indiscriminately take more of it if they are eating them in public. Who turns up to extra curricular activities to support their children? SiennaWho goes to parent teacher interviews? Either of them. Both if Sienna is in the mood to watch how Elijah sometimes not so subtlety informs the teacher it is in his best interest to ignore those silly rumors about their daughter being a “manipulative and snobby brat who thinks she rules the school” Who gets up in the middle of the night to feed the baby? Elijah’s job sometimes make him arrive late so he is more naturally active during those hours. Who spends the most time with the children? Sienna for a slight difference. But they do try to do things all together. Who packs their lunch boxes? They actually tried to make the kids their lunch boxes together once…It ended up as a mixture of lobster tartlets, lollipops, strawberry juice and a double cheese hamburger. They were incredibly proud of themselves. Both of the kids asked for lunch money from that day onward.Who gives their children ‘the talk’? The school if they have any luck. Who cleans up after the kids? The same service that cleans up after the parents.Who worries the most? Elijah worries about the boy and how little he seems to be made for the family business quite frequently. Sienna is the only one with enough influence over the two of them as to make them see more or less eye to eye sometimes. Who are the children more likely to learn their first swear word from? Sienna.

Affection:Who likes to cuddle? Cuddling just…Sort of…Happens. It is not to be questioned.Who is the little spoon? Sienna.Who gets naughty in the most inappropriate of places? Most places are inappropriate for them. Sienna appears to have a certain tendency towards that behavior and making him go crazy with it but Elijah isn’t precisely innocent either. Who struggles to keep their hands to themself? Both How long can they cuddle until one becomes uncomfortable? Not-To-Be-Questioned.What is their favourite non-sexual activity? I believe they would greatly enjoy travelling together if they were under different circumstancesWhere is their favourite place to cuddle? Apparently “Inappropriate places”Who is more likely to playfully grope the other? 49% Elijah 51% SiennaHow often do they get time to themselves? As often as they sneakily create it.

Sleeping:Who snores? No one. The closest is Sienna softly breathing from her nose while she is sleeping sometimes which Elijah finds mutely charmingIf both do, who snores the loudest? -Do they share a bed or sleep separately? They sleep on the same bed when they can be certain they can get away with it. If they sleep together, do they cozy up together or lay far apart? Again with the closeness questions…Cozy positions just happen sometimes. No need to over-analyzeWho talks in their sleep? Sienna. Elijah listens intently if he is awake as if she were reciting the most fascinating novel. What do they wear to bed? Whatever little remains of what they were wearing before the wild inferno of a night together occurred.Are either of your muses insomniacs? Elijah has some trouble sleeping but he never recognizes it out loud. Can sleeping pills be found by the bedside? No.Do they wrap their limbs around each other or just lay side by side? ….Repeat after me meme: Proximity. Just. Happens. It is like magic. Who wakes up with bed hair? If they don’t have it when they wake up they can still win it by their way of awakening the other. Who wakes up first? It varies. Who prepares breakfast in bed for the other? If Elijah can’t sleep he might try to improvise making something edible for her. Who hogs the sheets? Sienna. Elijah freely allows her to win that battle but still tease her about it. Do they set an alarm each night? Only if they have anything to do the next day.Can a television be found in their bedroom? YesWho has nightmares? Both of them occasionally.Who has ridiculous dreams? Sienna. Elijah listens to every single one of them intently and suggests meanings for them with interest as if they were the best stories he ever heard.Who sprawls out and takes up most of the bed? Sienna.Who makes the bed? Depends on whose bed it is.What time is bed time? There is no bed time. Only chaos.Who’s the grumpiest when they wake up? Elijah the days he doesn’t sleep.

Work:Who is the busiest? ElijahWho rakes in the highest income? Exclusively out of working? Elijah. I don’t quite know who has more money between Sienna’s family and Elijah. I usually try to write her father as a mafia boss currently above him in status and position so the danger of them getting discovered is real but by a minimal difference.Are any of your muses unemployed?….Technically speaking and as far as the law is concerned.Who takes the most sick days? If they don’t want to do something they don’t do it. No sick day status necessary. Who is more likely to turn up late to work? Elijah but only if Sienna is involved.Who sucks up to their boss? Neither.What are their jobs? Who is asking?Who stresses the most? Elijah sees it all as a big game he will eventually be the conquering winner of and reading her bio again Sienna only helps with her family’s business in innocent things like the books if she feeling like it so…Neither. Do your muses enjoy or despise their careers/occupations? Elijah enjoys it immensely. Sienna does as she wants so I assume she likes it too.Are your muses financially stable? Legally speaking? They are poor souls barely making it. Extra-officially? Have a bag of cash and don’t ask questions.

Home:Who does the washing? These are if they lived together right? It doesn’t make much sense otherwise. The staff.Who takes out the trash? Unless we are talking about a mafia “taking out the trash” expression…The staff.Who does the ironing? Staff.Who does the cooking? If he is in a specially good mood Elijah will try to cook pasta for her. Mainly as a private joke related to her Italian mafia lineage stereotype but he actually puts incredible amounts of never admitted effort into improving it each time it happens.Who is more likely to burn the house down just trying? The two of them together. They have a lot more fun but are also considerably more destructive when they try to act as normal people together. Who is messier? Elijah is better at pretending he isn’t but they are probably at the same level. Who leaves their dirty clothes on the floor? A bad job from the staff.Who is the prankster around the house? Sienna starts the prank wars but Elijah hasn’t been a pacifist about it once. Who loses the car keys when it comes time to go somewhere? Sienna pretended to lose them once and challenged Elijah to quickly get them a new vehicle without calling any of his employees. They still have an extra car the previous owner never dared to report stolen after Elijah nonchalantly stopped him to have a chat that day.Who answers the telephone? Staff. Unless Elijah is waiting for something important work-relatedWho does the vacuuming? S-T-A-F-FWho takes the longest to shower? The one who enters the shower first that day. They tend to share them.

Miscellaneous:Is money a problem? Yes! They have too much for the world to be safeHow many cars do they own? At least two based on the last section…Probably more.Do they own their home or do they rent? They don’t currently live together.Do they live near the coast or deep in the countryside? If they lived together…They would probably have several properties.Do they live in the city or in the country? Several properties. City as the main oneDo they enjoy their surroundings? If they don’t they go to another of their properties. Come on. Catch up with me test. Where did they first meet? Hmm…Based on the first starter I ever replied to I believe you wrote Sienna knew him since she was young so…Perhaps at some fancy party while Elijah was still only an aspiring mob boss working under someone else that gallantly called Sienna the princess of the celebration when they were introduced to score some points with her father? Does that sound good?How did they first meet? Test…We just discussed this. Pay attention!Who spends the most money when out shopping? Sienna. Any mental issues? I mean…There must be something but…They are only a danger to others and not themselves. XDWho’s terrified of bugs? Terrified?…Neither probably. You would have to confirm Sienna’s position. Who kills the spiders around the house? Elijah making a big white knight protecting his lady performance out of it. Who pays the bills? ElijahDo they have any fears for their future? Wise precaution and implemented strategy but not fear. Who’s more likely to surprise the other with a fancy dinner? ElijahWho uses up all of the hot water? Most showers are together as previously stated. If not…Both of themWho’s the tallest? ElijahWho’s more likely to just randomly hop into the shower with the other? Test…Are you mocking me?Who wanders around in their underwear? Sienna to Elijah’s eternal provocation and delight. Who sings the loudest when singing along to the radio? Sienna. Elijah finds it enthralling beyond belief and weirdly adorable.What do they tease each other about? Each and every single subject under the face of the earthWho is more likely to cringe at the other’s fashion sense at times?…Neither? I think. If Sienna hates any of his suits this is her time to speak.Do they have mutual friends? Elijah doesn’t really have friends as much as pawns. But he makes a conscious effort to be gentle with someone if Sienna introduces them as her friend. Who crushed first? …I don’t really know. Again I am in need of Sienna’s perspective. Any alcohol or substance related problems? It isn’t a problem.Who is more likely to stumble home, drunk, at 3am?…Equal opportunity and chances for a duo performance sometimes. Who swears the most? Sienna.

#thedreaaamteam #Mob!Verse

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lizziebennet · 7 years ago

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Hi Aurora okay first tysm for your blog It's so lovely to have another person so passionate about my fave things (i.e hp and period dramas) Anyway, i recently read the HP series (again) and found myself feeling SO MUCH. I genuinely teared up at so many different touching parts and I was just wondering what are your favorite most heart-wrenching/emotional parts from the books? I realize this is a lengthy quesition so feel free to never answer this or take a year.

ye S SS i love being passionate ab things and sharing that passion w my followers!!!!! i love yall esp when u ask me questions like this where i get to talk ab my fave things everrrrrrrrr (ps thank u so much for letting me take forever to answer this ur so cute to say that ilysm)

ok so literally i will cry my way thru the entire series when i reread bc harry potter has so much emotional weight for me and so many memories that go along with it. but i decided to limit myself to just 10 bc otherwise id be sitting here typing all day. so w/o further ado:

AURORA’S TOP 10 MOST TEARFUL HARRY POTTER MOMENTS:

((in no particular order))

HARRY READS LILY’S LETTER IN DH: listen harry doesnt actually spend a lot of the books angsting over the fact that he doesnt have parents but in moments like this u remember he IS AN ORPHAN AND IT GETS ME SO HARD. fuk like just picturing harry crouched on the floor of sirius’s bedroom reading that letter… rereading it… crying… wow.gif!!!!! the line that makes me cry eveRY TIME is “She had made her g’s the same way he did : he searched through the letter for every one of them, and each felt like a friendly little wave glimpsed from behind a veil.“ LIKE RIP RIP RIP ABORT ABORT ABORT ITS TOO SAD!!!!!

THE LOST PROPHECY IN OOTP: JESSESCREAMING.JPEG!!!!!!!!!!!! listen ,,, i talk ab this chapter so much on my blog. it is my #1 favorite moment in my #1 favorite harry potter book which is my #1 favorite series of all time. SO ITS A PRETTY BIG DEAL. harry’s reaction to sirius’s death… his anger at dumbledore… his grief… his discovery of his fate… its beautiful writing and its so painful but so amazing to read. LIKE!!!!! MY BABY!!! HE’S LOST SO MANY PEOPLE!!!!!!!! MY SWEET SUMMER CHILD!!!!!!!!!! “I DON’T CARE!“ Harry yelled at them, snatching up a lunascope and throwing it into the fireplace. “I’VE HAD ENOUGH, I’VE SEEN ENOUGH, I WANT OUT, I WANT IT TO END, I DON’T CARE ANYMORE!” “You do care,” said Dumbledore. He had not flinched or made a single move to stop Harry demolishing his office. His expression was calm, almost detached. “You care so much you feel as though you will bleed to death with the pain of it.”” LIKE LITERALLY WHEN I GET TO THIS POINT I HAVE TO TAKE A BREAK BC IM CRYING SO MUCH I CANT MAKE OUT THE WORDS!!!!!!!!!!!! also fun story: one time i was listening to ootp on audiobook while on vacation and we were in the car waiting to taxi on to a ferry boat and we were listening to this chapter when the ferry guy came by to take our tickets and i had like TEARS STREAMING DOWN MY FACE and jim dale is yelling as harry in the background…. the guy was like ‘is this bitch ok??’ lmaOOOOo

HARRY AND THE MIRROR OF ERISED IN SS: this is another one of those moments where you remember that harry is an orphan and its /so/ painful. thinking about this teeny 11 year old baby harry sneaking out every night just to sit in front of this mirror so he can see his parents………my darling baby sweetheart i love him So Much. it just makes me so sad like hes /so young/ AND HE JUST WANTS TO SEE HIS PARENTS!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHH!! it also gives way to one of my all time favorite hp quotes: “It does not do well to dwell on dreams and forget to live.”

HARRY STOPS SIRIUS AND LUPIN FROM KILLING PETER IN POA: me reading this part is literally ISAYTHATSMYBABYANDIMREALLYPROUD.GIF!!!!!! like!! my boy!! he finds out this man literally caused the death of his parents and he MAKES THE GROWN ASS ADULTS SPARE HIS LIFE… LIKE… he literally acts twice his age and is so mature and is just…….so amazing. it shows such strength and wisdom and it makes me SO PROUD. the way he references james also makes me cry because you see the relationship harry has with james even though he’s literally never met him and its so beautiful. i love harry so much.

HARRY AFTER SECTUMSEMPER-ING MALFOY IN HBP: this is literally the opposite of that last one where im so proud of harry this is def… not one of his best moments lol. he rly rly fucks up and his guilt is so raw and it makes me so emotional because i feel SO bad for him. its def an important harry moment in the books because it shows his flaws and the consequences of his rage, but it also shows how GOOD he is because he feels so bad about what happens and like willingly takes his punishment even though it means that he cant play in the quidditch match. he really like… atones and even tho its rough to read i def love that its a part of the series bc its a really like watershed moment for harry and i think it really reminds him of the wizard he wants to be. this part also leads to i think a more satisfying harry/ginny first kiss bc ginny defends harry and then him not going to the game leads to “several sunlit days” AKA ONE OF MY FAVE HP MOMENTS EVER!!!!!!!!!!!

HARRY AND HERMIONE VISIT JAMES AND LILY’S GRAVE IN DH: “But they were not living, thought Harry: They were gone. The empty words could not disguise the fact that his parents’ moldering remains lay beneath snow and stone, indifferent, unknowing.And tears came before he could stop them, boiling hot then instantly freezing on his face, and what was the point in wiping them off or pretending? He let them fall, his lips pressed hard together, looking down at the thick snow hiding from his eyes the place where the last of Lily and James lay, bones now, surely, or dust, not knowing or caring that their living son stood so near, his heart still beating, alive because of their sacrifice and close to wishing, at this moment, that he was sleeping under the snow with them.” THIS IS ANOTHER ONE OF THOSE MOMENTS THAT I HAVE TO STOP READING BC IM CRYING SO MUCH I CANT MAKE OUT THE WORDS ANYMORE. I CRIED TYPING THIS. IM SO SAD.

THE FOREST AGAIN IN DH: hoo boy. hoooooo boy this is a Big One. this one is really…. wow. just. wow. [deep breath]. there is So Much in this chapter that makes me cry where do i even START. harry realizing that he has to die and ACCEPTING IT BRAVELY LIKE THE HERO HE IS. “Why had he never appreciate what a miracle he was, brain and nerve and bounding heart?” im crying….. hes so good. HARRY NEARLY STOPPING WHEN HE SEES GINNY and ginny’s crying and comforting some girl and im crying too. JAMES. SIRIUS. LILY. REMUS. WHEN HARRY ASKS IF IT HURTS TO DIE LIKE LITEARLLY I HAVE TO PUT THE BOOK DOWN AND GET UP AND WLAK AROUND THE ROOM BECAUSE I GET SO EMOTIONAL LIKE. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! when harry sees harry and screams at him ……………… rip in pieces me!!!!!!!! ALSO ONE OF HIS LAST THOUGHTS BEFORE THE AVADA KEDAVRA IS OF GINNY AND KISSING HER……….. [GUNSHOTS] [SCREAMING]

BELLATRIX TORTURES HERMIONE IN DH: fuk this scene is no joke scary like it took harry potter to another level of real darkness. hermione being tortured was so chilling like beautiufl amazing smart snarky hermione it was so painful to read like my heart rate goes up when i read it bc im worried for my girl :/ and ron is sHAKING and like screaming and literally throwing himself at the walls to try to get to her and its SO upsetting like. they are still CHILDREN like theyre all so young and they dont deserve this like. hearing her plead and stuff … its just…. too much. these are my CHILDREN i have to PROTECT them.

HARRY DIGS DOBBYS GRAVE IN DH: this is another one of those harry moments where i just want to give him a huge hug. like he insists on digging dobby’s grave by hand which is just ..... [gets choked up] its fine. and his thoughts while he dig make me so sad. he so /tired/. hes so frustrated with dumbledore and he the hallows and the horcruxes and he feels responsible for what happened. and ron coming out and helping him dig silently makes me so happy and its one of those times u really see how much rons friendship means to harry. and harry comes out of this like ... older and more mature? his wisdom and knowledge is rly apparent when he talks with griphook and olivander right after this like. he knows what hes going to do. hes made his choice. hes not going to race voldemort for the wand. i love him so much for that choice. hes such a grown man in this part like accepting responsibility, taking care of hermione and everyone like getting things in order. i love him.

MRS WEALSEY HUGS HARRY IN THE HOSPITAL WING IN GOF: “’It wasn’t your fault, Harry,’ Mrs. Weasley whispered. ‘I told him to take the cup with me,’ said Harry. Now the burning feeling was in his throat too. He wished Ron would look away. Mrs. Weasley set the potion down on the bedside cabinet, bent down, and put her arms around Harry. He had no memory of ever being hugged like this, as though by a mother. The full weight of everything he had seen that night seemed to fall in upon him as Mrs. Weasley held him to her. His mothers face, his father’s voice, the sight of Cedric, dead on the ground all started spinning in his head until he could hardly bear it, until he was screwing up his face against the howl of misery fighting to get out of him.” HARRY POTTER DESERVES MORE HUGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! he feels so guilty about cedric and god bless mrs weasley for telling him it wasnt his fault because it WASNT!!! he did so amazing in the graveyard like.. .he saw voldemort return and he fought him and he survived and he saw his paretns and hE TOOK CEDRICS BODY BACK SO IT COULD BE WITH HIS FAMILY!!!!!!!! HE TOOK IT BACK FOR THEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i would die a thousand deaths if it meant that harry didnt have to experience this pain!!!!

whew so there we go!!!!! the bottom line is obviously that i love the harry potter series more than anything and specifically i love the boy harry potter so so SO much and his suffering is agonizing to read and he didnt deserve any of it!!! i can litearlly think of SO many more heartbreaking moments in the series but here are just a handful. happy birthday to harry!!!

#anonymous #aurora got an ask #hp #aurora RANTS

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