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cellophobia · 8 days ago

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i have 4 minutes till i gotta go to bed

not every day is fantastic, but every day is enjoyable in some way. i genuinely did not think i would make it out alive a month and a half ago. i tried killing myself three times in 2024 because i was feeling so relentlessly terrible. i didn't think i could even experience satisfaction like this again tbh.

since getting off that medication and changing providers, i've been SO much better. i had a brief hypomanic episode which was intense but it went away on its own and i have felt so fucking normal since then. i am actually like almost completely sober for the first time in 5 years? and it's so easy? i'm spending less time scrolling, i'm able to soothe myself when i do feel bad, i am going to work and doing difficult chores and indulging in less impulsive, short-term pleasures.

i wish i listened to myself and got off those meds sooner. i missed out on a lot of life. i spent more than a year feeling fucking miserable and exhausted and inadequate and guilty. it was pure anhedonia and it was awful. i couldn't even fully enjoy my fucking wedding day.

i've had severe depression since i was 10 or 11 so i know the routine. like, the depression will come back eventually. but god, at least episodes END. and you know what, i'll fucking take it over the hell i've been through where there was no end in sight.

20 mins after my bedtime. lmao

#cello.txt #bpthingz #absolutely fantastic job done by my former NP btw #i told her i felt shitty then she l kept upping the dose on the medication that made me feel shitty in the first place #like did she never even fucking think about taking me off it and seeing how i fare?#i went to her in the middle of my hypomanic episode and she was upset i stopped taking it but like holy fuck i had to because it was DIRE #absolutely fucking dire iykyk lol #the hypo probably wasn't very good for my brain but whatever i genuinely feel brain damaged anyway #fry my brain it can't be worse than all the molly i was doing #and ketamine and weed and coke and meth and fentanyl and probably some other bullshit #lol christ #can't forget the benzos 😭 literally contributed to one of my attempts #suicide tw

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ladyshinga · 10 months ago

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lmao i married emily

#stardew valley #jesus christ clint i worry about u lol

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charbroiledchicken · 3 months ago

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he's going through his jesus era.

#guys its the second coming of christ #viktor arcane #viktor #jayvik #arcane #arcane s2 #arcane s2 spoilers #arcane lol #viktor lol #machine herald

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xxplastic-cubexx · 5 months ago

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obligatory beach divorce doodling

bonus rough cover redraw of x-men #41 (1995) But Beach Divorce below cut

#mcu #marvel cinematic universe #xmen #xmen movies #xmen first class #cherik #charles xavier #erik lehnsherr #professor x #magneto #snap sketches #'snap i thought you were drawing old cherik this weekend' so did i but i was inflicted with visions sorry </3 #i have my lil 92 comic sketched so ill do that tomorrow. not finish it but ill work on it 💀#i wsa just gonna draw the first thing but then i figureed i might as well draw Most of the beach-divorce-related things i want to #just so i could put it all on one post. however this is a lie and i know ill wanna doodle more beach stuff #the first drawing Unsurprisingly was motivated BY the xmen 41 legion quest cover- at the very least the total blackout of erik's face #i wanna draw more of erik using his powers .. i wanna figure out how i wanna draw the effect etc etc #i was just gonna redraw the cover but i already liked the sketch i did of the first thing so. here we are #plus i figure someones already done a redraw of the cover but if anyone cares ill finish my version ig LOL #as for the comic ermmm it was just an excuse to draw erik with glowing eyes </3 and fading-glowing eyes </3 #thats why i didnt draw the whole. Choking Moira bit. but i wouldve if i was redrawing the whole scene #kinda wish i did now that i think of it cause it coulda looked cooler prob but oh well maybe in like. three months when i redraw this #for exactly five cents ill redraw the whole beach divorce erlkjealkaje i can see it so clearly in my mind #what if first class was a comic drawn by a freak thatd be wild #but yeah thats why everything look rough as christ these were just supposed to be silly lil thangs #'silly things' and its beach divorce OK.#ok bye im gonna do my homework

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youdent1ty · 1 month ago

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gang while we're sharing interviews clips i have to say i feel we're forgetting this CRITICALLY important one

#this is genuinely a CRAZY WAY to start an interview but i appreciate the boldness #he gets to talk to the man himself and his first question is literally “ya'll fucking?”#and then jim basically saying yeah probably lol #sonic movie #dr robotnik #robotnik #jimbotnik #jim carrey #lee majdoub #stobotnik #ALSO ALSO OMFG THE DELETED SCENE CONFIRMATIONS CHRIST ON A BIKE AHHH

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lackpenny · 2 months ago

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a broken man's last effort, all for nothing

#henry miller #steven stevenson #jack kennedy #dave miller #dee kennedy #peter kennedy #dsaf #dayshift at freddy's #my art #drew this because i was thinking about steven's death having more of an impact than in game #it does logically make sense for them to not react THAT much (which this is kind of the same but more dramatic? not actually pulling emotio #ns from the rest)#its just oh. jesus christ what henry can just DO that???#so it puts them more on edge from what Henry can do #i dont know.. dont @ me......#also was talking to my friend about how i dont imagine their deaths being instant either.#for the phoneys its the quiet void to insistent ringing. static covering once coherent thoughts #so loud . then nothing #for the rest....... ummmmm thats for another day #sorry for the tags ramble LOL #also added little contxtt yess its a false heartbeat/pulse. its meant to mimic being alive... i forget i have to actually say my hcs

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vaguely-concerned · 11 months ago

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So much of Garak as a person starts to make sense once you know his childhood was a fucking gothic novel. His main playground was a graveyard and he'd play pretend by perfoming improv eulogies to an imagined audience. For a long time his main touchstone for most important figures from recent history is 'oh yeah I know about that guy my dad buried him. great flower arrangements for that one'. He finds out later his 'parents' are actually a brother and sister who had to get married to avoid the utter shame and social devastation of having a child born out of wedlock, and they live in the basement of his biological father's house. (the madwoman in the attic vs. the tiny elim in the basement.) His biological father calls himself his uncle and locks him in a closet whenever he fails to live up to his insane and unpredictable expectations and everyone just has to act like that's normal and expected, and his will hangs over everything at all times, unseen but always felt keener than anything else. The father who actually raised him grows the world's most beautiful (and as it turns out, most poisonous) orchids and keeps the mask of a god hidden in a box in his work shed. Everyone in the house is choking down secrets like it's the only air they know how to breathe anymore.

What I'm saying is that right from the get-go this guy never had the faintest shot at turning out normal, so I'm glad that by middle age he's found a way to get a bit silly with it as he continues to be deeply deeply not normal about anything ever <3

#guess who's reading a stitch in time!#star trek ds9 #elim garak #a stitch in time #star trek #ds9 #I will make a monster post of asit thoughts eventually but just. jesus christ!!! what a start in life lmao #tolan and tain seem to have been... well not exactly friends probably but to have had some connection beforehand #did tain know him or mila first??? how was mila and tolan's sibling status presumably not known publicly?#at what point during all of that did tain start to have sex with tolan's sister. the more you think about it the more fucked it gets lol #under the circumstances... shoutout to tolan and mila for not leaving him somehow even more fucked up interpersonally than he is #and no thanks to tain for anything ever I hate him so much

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risibledeer · 10 months ago

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I think I draw too much of him... I should really stop lol

#Art block I love you sooooo much….. ur absolutely horrendous. first thing I’ve drawn in a week lol and its once again 3am and i don not know #edit #actually its is now 6pm and jesus christ those hands look good #i'm actually kinda proud of meself lol #life series #trafficblr #hermitblr #life smp #empires smp #mcsos #minecraft sos #sos smp #joel smallishbeans #smallishbeans #hermitcraft #me art

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puppppppppy · 11 months ago

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littlest furth shop

@laikascomet

#i think i had a little too much fun with this lol #i also wanted to draw road boy and other characters but maybe when they actually get introduced #i do have a sketch of him with a lil chainsaw.. im not gonna be normal when he gets introduced man he looks so sillygoofy #if you squint laika's eye marking is a clover yue's is a crescent moon and mars' is a star ^_^#i wanted to give laika an accessory too but i couldnt think of anything.. maybe a stack of pancakes??#im curious to see the apocalypse side of the story too.. like so far we have an idea of the comet fucking everything up #and im assuming that lead to a ripple effect causing the apocalypse but exactly how bad?? i cant wait to find out #rn im kinda piecing stuff together.. larkspur delivers mail in a beat up van so that might mean all transportation is grounded #the buildings we've seen so far are intact like the observatory and turnip's house but idk if thats the same for big cities #laikas playlist only includes songs downloaded on yue's computer and there hasnt been internet in 20 years.. but radio signals might #still work.. if yue grows his own food we can assume that mass production and distribution also isnt a thing anymore #sorry im a sucker for worldbuilding.. and the furth puns are fun to me. i like to think toronto would be clawronto.. and vancouver wld #be nyancouver.. barktic circle.. mewfoundland and labrador.. canyada....#christ i have so many drawing ideas. willow if youre reading this im so sorry youre probably gonna expect to see a lot of drawings frm me #like. i wanna draw laika in the akira bike pose so sosososo bad. IT WOULD BE SO AWESOMECOOL. ill teach myself to draw bikes if i have to #i also wanted to animate laika leekspin.. man #my art #myart #fanart #laika's comet #laikas comet #laika #mars #yue #furry art #fur #littlest pet shop #lps

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fiyaharts · 7 months ago

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bruce and clark missed each other :) audio from the basement yard podcast

#superbat #superman #batman #bruce wayne #clark kent #dc fanart #animation #video #superbat fanart #jesus christ. so much effort put into this i should have done everything in sketches lol #anyways hope u enjoy! anyone who knows the basement yard knows that frankie is always trying to fk joe #im jk and yet?

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why-the-heck-not · 3 months ago

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me, a responsible being, working on the coding project as I should vs. me, a dysfunctional shithead, getting distracted by reading about brains (once aGAIN damnit (it's my favorite "I need to study my field but bc I should do that it's an impossible unthinkable feat now, so I'm reading about something else to fool my brain I'm still being productive"-topic))