#logging this to tell my therapist

[drysdaales]

.

[fionnaskyborn]

pros of learning how to play fighting game:

undergoing a learning experience, trying out something entirely different from anything i have previously played

i get to look at a little guy do cool things on my screen :)

cons of learning how to play fighting game:

i am clumsy as all hell with the inputs

the order in which you press and/or hold buttons to create inputs is less like trying to get a sequence of movements right and more like playing a rhythm game (down then while not letting go of down press forward then let go of down and THEN press an attack button on the other side of the keyboard). i suck at rhythm games. hell world

sometimes, the damn things just... won't register? at all? you do a half circle to forward input and the game says "half circle forward? oh, sorry, that's ensenga :)" or, worse, "too slow, that's a regular heavy slash move :)". brother. why must you do me like this.

the area between the knuckles of my ring and little finger hurts like a motherfucker (though this has hurt in various areas since at least this morning, but i'm willing to bet that practicing quarter and half circle inputs for at least an hour did not make the situation any better)

[starlightcataclysm]

could really stand to drop the daily small trauma flashbacks that feel like getting electrocuted in the brain every other hour

[spocksgotemotions]

cannot WAIT until I am financially and emotionally ready to move out

[pierswife]

Thinkin about little ways my F/Os would comfort me and help keep me grounded after a really really bad panic attack and it's helping a lot, admittedly.

Linhardt would like... sit down beside me and hold my hand while rubbing small circles into my hand with his thumb. He'd also speak super softly to me and tell me all sorts of different facts about anything and everything to keep me focused on him.

Lyon would do something similar, but it would be an arm around me while he hums a familiar tune to both of us. He'd rock us back and forth gently until I feel ready to try and sleep.

Diluc would let me hide. And what I mean is whoever he finds me, he asks me if I want to keep "hiding", whether it be under my blankets or in his coat. Regardless, he'd wrap his coat around my shoulders (or lay it on top of me) and promise to sit next to me while I sleep to protect me, like how a big brother should.

Flavio would just hold me tight, especially in the moment when I'm the messiest. He would hold me as tight as he could until I was ready to let go and he wouldn't care if I cried super hard to the point I could barely talk or got tears all over his shoulder. He knows that I just want to feel safe and need someone there, so to him he thinks one of the best ways to help me calm down is to just let me cling to him as much as I need to.

I'd include Trand but idk if he'd be sure what to do besides asking if I wanna get some fresh air and go for a walk to help get the energy out somewhere.

[teethcore]

she interrupted one short story to send me pictures of a youtuber and when i was finished she gave me a two word response

[kiras-monkey-bum-face]

just had to put socks on myself like I'm a baby to stop myself anxiety picking the skin of my toes, how glamorous

[jackredfieldwasmyjacob]

cinesa friday is in two days i'm begging you to let me get the barbie tickets please

[genderqueerdykes]

folks love to blame the fact that younger people are "always" on their phones or computer, always on the internet, wasting their youth, wasting their time, whatever manufactured problem they have with the situation... but what they fail to realize is that everyone is always on their phones and/or computers- because they have to be.

everything is online in 2024. you need to keep up with your school and/or attend classes? almost all of it is entirely online. you want to apply for medical insurance or food/bill assistance? the call center tells you to apply online because they're too swamped to help you in person or on the phone. want to apply for a job? the receptionist or person at the desk tells you to submit an application online, they don't handle paper ones anymore. you need to check on medical documents? they're in an online "portal" now. you need to pay your bills? completely online- some places don't employ call centers at all anymore. you need to stay in contact with important individuals like landlords, social workers, lawyers, therapists, or other professionals? email is always the preferred method of contact. it leaves a trail. check your bank balance? some banks are online only and do not have brick-and-mortar locations anymore. need to look up the address or phone number for the nearest hospital? yeah you get the point. internet.

i went without internet and a phone for months last year and it was the most stressful period of my life. i couldn't apply for anything. i couldn't log into any of my accounts for anything. i couldn't go anywhere. i couldn't use uber or lyft. i couldn't look up information for my pharmacy. i couldn't pay for anything or even check most of my bank accounts. i was screwed. he reason we're on our phones/computers all day long is because we literally have to be, because the internet is so interwoven into our every day lives that it's not a choice- it's literally a necessity. lay off with this mentality. most people do not want to be online as much as they are. it's just necessary.

[fangirl-dot-com]

🤩Track 8 - Gorgeous

*I am alive!! I apologize for taking so long. I had to finish my internship before I could really start to get back into the groove. so here we go, almost 4k words just for you! lemme know if y'all like the redemption arc!*

TAG LIST IS CLOSED

Logan was on cloud-9 right now. 

Sure, the only person who could rival his good mood was probably Charles, who had just won his home race. But with Logan, he had you in his arms and another trophy to take back to Italy. 

The only issue was that he could feel eyes on him. He had felt it since he shared the podium with the McLaren driver hours before. The sad puppy dog eyes that used to have Logan on beck and call for the boy. The ones that belonged to the person he used to call his best friend. 

Oscar was a mystery that the American couldn’t figure out. 

How much of their childhood was a lie? How much of their “supposed friendship” was all fake? In his heart, Logan still wished that it was all true. That maybe, he could go back in time and live in his F3 era, where he knew that Oscar would always be there for him. 

But, if he did that, then you wouldn’t be in his arms, in the back of Jimmyz after Charles won the 2024 Monaco grand prix. 

As if you could tell something was wrong, you tilted your head to look at Logan, who had a sad look in his eyes. 

“Everything ok Log?” you questioned. 

The blond gave a slight nod before digging his head into your shoulder. You knew that Logan could be a different type of drunk every time the two of you partied. You guessed that Monaco was a sad-drunk Logan, which also meant a very lovey-dovey Logan. 

Your hand reached up and scratched his head, making him lean into your palm. You knew that Oscar was watching, he always was. His eyes were on the two of you like glue ever since the club mishap after the opening race back in January. 

You and Logan wouldn’t admit it, but the months in between the argument and Imola were some of the worst months for the both of you. If you thought being in Indy was isolating, you couldn’t compare the weeks of silence. Then again, it was mainly silence from you and Logan. But you two had been hurt and it was easier to build up walls again then let people in. 

Now, it was better. You and Logan made use of the on-team therapists that the team provided. They helped you get through things that you didn’t even know were problems until you talked about it. 

And a few of those discussions were about Oscar.  

A part of you wanted to push Logan in the Aussie’s arms and make sure that they apologized to each other. You could tell that Oscar wasn’t having the best season. His Monaco placing of P3 was the highest he had reached. Imola before that wasn’t the best. 

On the other hand, if they apologized and were friends again, where would that leave you? Deep down, you knew that Logan wouldn’t abandon you. But sometimes, the past liked to repeat itself. You had friends that dropped you so quickly and you couldn’t afford to lose Logan like you lost your other friends. 

Your therapist had mentioned that you had attachment and abandonment issues after everything you had been through. You weren’t going to argue with her as it made sense. You were scared of being replaced, that was it. 

When Oscar met your eyes, you flashed him a quick smile. However, that had the Aussie turn his eyes away and to the floor, which made you frown. Maybe if you could be nice to Oscar, Logan and him could make up. 

A snort from Logan had you looking away from where Oscar sat. A soft smile made its way to your lips as you looked up at Logan. 

“What is it?” 

He leaned in to your ear to whisper, “Look at Charles right now.” 

You looked around for the Monegasque and completely lost it when you noticed his Monaco flag covering his face, or well, his entire torso. What had you more intrigued was Max, who had Charles’s hand in his as he dragged the probably black-out-drunk man into a quieter corner. 

“Is there something going on between them?” you asked. 

A hum came from Logan. “I don’t know. If there is, they’re not being very discreet.” 

You leaned back into his chest. “You can’t talk Mr. Kiss Me On The Podium.” 

Logan whined, “It was one time.” 

You took your phone out and your eyes widened at the time. “We should probably get back to the hotel. It’s nearly 3 in the morning.” 

The blond nodded and grabbed your hand, much like Max did with Charles. The two of you dodged and weaved through multiple people as they also congratulated Logan on his race. Yours wasn’t as impressive as you crossed the line in P4. 

As you led Logan away, you passed by Oscar’s table. 

“Congrats on P3,” you said, hoping that he’d heard you over the music. 

Oscar, at first, hadn’t thought you were talking to him. But, the words “congrats” and “P3” made it clear that you were, indeed, talking to him. His eyes widened as he looked up at you. Logan behind wasn’t really paying attention, and Oscar didn’t know whether to feel glad or deflated. 

He cleared his throat. “Thanks.” 

You didn’t respond, but that same lopsided smile was flashed his way before you turned around and dragged Logan to the front, leaving Oscar frozen in his seat. 

A long sigh left his lips as he put his head down on the table. He didn’t know what to do. Logan had been his best friend, there was no lie about that. But with McLaren and all the success, he had pushed the American to the point of no-return. And he was dealing with the consequences. A firm hand landed on his shoulder, making him look up. 

His eyes, now partially watery, met the blue ones of George Russell. 

George was expecting Oscar to have fallen asleep, because if there was anyone who could close his eyes and nap at a club, it would be Oscar. However, he wasn’t expecting the younger man to be close to tears. 

The Briton quickly sat down next to the Australian. 

“What the matter Oscar? Not happy with P3?” 

That did it. 

It was only a matter of minutes before the floodgates opened and Oscar began to sob. George’s eyes widened in a panic, not knowing what to do with a sobbing Oscar. He frantically looked around, trying to find someone who could help him. 

His eyes landed on Charles and Max, but by the way they were both swaying, neither of them would be very much help. 

He glanced to the other side, eyes connecting with Lewis. He made a weird motion to the heap on the table that was Oscar and wildly beckoned him over. 

The older Briton picked up what George was putting down and ended his conversation. He walked swiftly over and sat on the other side of Oscar. 

“What’s wrong with him?” Lewis questioned, now hearing the very clear sobs. 

George ran a hand through his hair. “I don’t know. I congratulated him on P3, and he just started crying.” 

“He didn’t even look at me,” came a wail from Oscar. 

Lewis was now confused. “Charles looked at you a bunch mate.” 

“No!” Oscar sat up, fire in his eyes. To George and Lewis, he looked like a very peeved kitten. “Logan!” 

George was even more confused. “Logan?” 

Oscar sadly nodded, lip pouting. “Our first podium and he didn’t even look at me.” 

His head thunked back on the table, which made the two Mercedes drivers want to laugh. Lewis took a deep breath before putting his hand on Oscar’s back. 

“Mate, the two of you aren’t exactly friends right now.” 

That made Oscar quickly sit up, and more tears fell from his eyes. “B-but, he’s my best friend. I didn’t mean to push him away.” 

George sadly smiled. “Does Logan know that?” 

Oscar looked at the Briton. “He won’t let me talk to him. He turns away. Even Y/n talks to me sometimes but he won’t. I just want my friend back.” 

Another set of wails fell from his lips, making some people look in their direction. George grit his teeth as he tried to comfort Oscar. He hadn’t expected the Aussie to be so heartbroken about this. 

Lewis leaned in so that Oscar could hear him. “Well, then you just have to make him listen. Logan is guarded, so you have to keep pushing.” 

A sniff came from Oscar. 

“But what if he never forgives me?” 

“Then he won’t. But you would be able to apologize and move on.” 

That was definitely the wrong choice of words as Oscar started to sob once more. George sent Lewis a stink eye over the sobbing heap of McLaren driver. 

The younger Briton took a deep breath. “Lewis didn’t mean it like that. He’s just saying that you have to give Logan the chance to know that you are sorry and process things. It took him almost three months for him to forgive Lewis, Max, and Charles.” 

That at least got Oscar to stop sobbing. George made a mental note that Oscar was a sad-type of drunk. He was only hoping that you and Logan were doing fine, knowing that Logan tended to get sappy when drunk as well. 

However, it was about the same in the hotel that you were staying at. Logan had unexpectedly started crying in the car, making you panic. By the time you got him to the room, he was almost in hysterics. 

You had no clue what to do as Logan flopped face down on the bed. His sobs were still audible through the multiple blankets. You sat next to his head and rubbed his back. 

“Logan, if you don’t tell me what’s wrong, I can’t help you.” 

You knew he said something, coming from the muffles. You rolled your eyes, even if he couldn’t see them. 

“I can’t hear you through the blanket.” 

Logan pushed himself up, letting you see his red eyes and tear streaks. 

“Oscar hates me,” he wailed and flopped back face down. 

You didn’t know whether to laugh or cry with him. Obviously, the Aussie didn’t hate Logan. In fact, you think that Oscar is very sorry for what happened between them. You pushed all your feelings aside, wanting to help your boyfriend. 

“Baby, I don’t think Oscar hates you.” 

The sobbing blond turned his head. “But I yelled at him.” 

“You yelled at Max, Charles, and Lewis. Do they hate you?” 

There was some silence before he spoke up again and huffed. “No.” 

You giggled. “So why do you think that Oscar hates you?” 

Logan’s lip wobbled as he spoke. “Because he was so distant. I tried talking to him, and he kept pushing me away.” 

You thought for a moment. “You both were rookies with a lot on your plate. And, he had a pretty mean teammate. Maybe think about that?” 

Logan nodded. In his drunk mind, his thoughts were all over the place. But deep down, he knew that Oscar may have not meant to be distant. There was a difference between Williams and McLaren. The Aussie might have had more pressure than what he wanted to tell anyone. 

When he finally looked up at you, you could see the puppy dog eyes. Those bright ocean blue eyes that you loved so much. You always felt like you might sink, drown, and die in them. Logan sighed and closed his eyes, resting his head on your lap. His arms came around your waist to hold you. 

“What if we invite him to paddle in Canada?” he whispered, a bit nervous to your reaction. 

He knew that you dealt with some abandonment issues and didn’t want you thinking that he’d replace you if him and Oscar miraculously saved their friendship. So, by asking to invite him to paddle, it wouldn’t just be the two of them. 

He opened his eyes to see your reaction and was pleased with the soft look in your eyes. “We can do that baby.” 

“You’re so gorgeous. I love you.” 

You snorted, not expecting that. “I love you too, Logan.” 

A soft snore was your answer, making you giggle again. You gently rolled Logan onto his side of the bed and undressed him down to his boxers. You knew he tended to overheat, and sleeping in jeans was never fun for anyone. 

You stripped as well, but took one of Logan’s shirts out of his suitcase to use as pajamas. The bottom of the t-shirt ended a bit above mid-thigh. It was perfect.

When Canada arrived two weeks late, it was wet and cold. The race was a perfect reflection of the weather. You and Logan couldn’t be bothered by either of you not getting pole. In fact, you both almost ran over George when he managed to set the fastest time right before Max. 

The two of you, of course, hugged Max with the same ferocity. With Charles, you both hugged him a bit sweeter. You and Logan had made it to the lower ranks of Q3. Charles almost made it but was knocked out by Lance. 

Oscar stood by the sides, watching you two do a quick debrief with your small group of friends. Even Lewis, who had normally stayed away after quali-sessions, was excitedly waving his hands around, happy to be in the front of the pack for this race. 

The Aussie almost looked away, but Logan had decided to look in his direction, locking eyes with him. Oscar was ready for a sour expression, but was confused at the small smile the American threw his way. He quickly flashed one back before Logan’s attention went back to you and Max, who seemed to be in a very serious conversation. 

It really wasn’t as Max was telling you about his cats, but Oscar didn’t know. 

He was brought out of his staring by Lando wrapping an arm around him. He was then led away, but he quickly glanced back. You had caught his eyes this time, giving him the same smile that you had at the club. But this time, Oscar was brave enough to smile back. 

When his teammate dragged him away, you turned back to the group. “Are we all good for paddle on Monday? I know it’s very quick after the race.” 

George nodded. “I can come. Is it just us?” 

Logan chewed his lip. “I think I might invite Oscar?” 

Four pairs of wide eyes stared at him in disbelief. But they quickly smiled at him. 

Charles, who had made his way over after qualifying, said, “I think that’s very nice of you.” 

Logan nodded, sighing softly. “You guys don’t have to come.” 

Max wrapped an arm around him. “We won’t leave you to the wolves. Y/n could take care of you if we can’t make it. I’ll let you know on Monday morning.” 

The Ferrari driver grumbled a bit. “I just want to get through tomorrow.” 

lamborghini_racing has posted

liked by sargeantgirlie, Dior, lambo&co, and 3,204,284 others

lamborghini_racing tough race, but we'll get them next time. guess the bees don't like the rain 🐝

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lambo_duo we'll get them next time! still leading both championships!!

papa_tonino corsa superba. coraggio, ci arriverai la prossima volta 👏 (superb racing. chins up, you'll get there next time)

allofitaly what papa tonino said - Spain is ours !!

formula_delulu lando should have gotten a worse penalty. five seconds is nothing when George was almost 10+ behind

lestappenlove this just shows that lamborghini is more consistent. p2 and p3 should have been ours but whatever. heartbroken for Ferrari, Williams, and Lambo

Logan remembered how Charles grumbled as he had to hoist himself out of his car in the middle of the race. He was grumbling the same way. There were only ten laps left with Max in the lead, you and him trailing behind the Dutchman. However, it seemed like one of the McLaren drivers wanted to go bowling after getting a pitstop with new tyres. 

Everyone knew the track was cold, reflecting the rainy atmosphere. Going for gaps on cold tyres was not something that should be done. However, Lando wasn’t everyone. 

After coming out of the pits, he had barreled past you and then past him, clipping his tyre, which sent him turning back into you, ultimately resulting in a double DNF. He had made sure that you were fine as he helped you out of your car. You had gotten shunted more than he did, but he was still sore. 

It was silence in the recovery car as it drove you back to the pits. You two kept your helmets on as you got to your garage. Both of you were trembling as you walked in, expecting looks of hatred for crashing. Because that’s what happened with Williams and Arrow. A DNF was a death sentence for you and him. 

However, you two were met with sympathetic looks and very comforting hugs and pats. The team medics quickly looked you and Logan over for any major injuries. You looked over at Logan, who probably wanted to cry from the kindness as much as you did. 

Getting dressed was hard as your shoulders and fronts hurt, but you got through it. Max had won in the time that it took you both to get back and change. 

Still wanting to be good friends, you watched the podium celebrations as Max, Lando, and George stood tall. You were thankful that George wasn’t right on your tail as Logan hit you, because you would have hit the Briton. 

You wanted to say something to Logan, but were instantly pissed once again. The crowd of papaya-clad fans around you were chanting Lando’s name during the Dutch national anthem. You hoped that Lando would have the decency to gesture to them to stop chanting as Charles had done in Monza last year. However, the Briton seemed to bask in the praise. Logan sneered as Lando raised his fist, almost jeering them on. 

You scoffed. 

You watched as Max and George both side-eyed him. 

After the podium celebrations, you and Logan made your way back to the Lamborghini garage. You passed by Ferrari, noticing Charles glaring at someone behind you. A quick turn to see who it was also had you glaring. 

Lando and the McLaren team were celebrating the podium. But a swatch of blue had you calming down as you noticed Max sneaking into the bright red garage. 

Logan took your hand to lead you into your own yellow and black. The two of you went to Logan’s driver room and sat down. Your head was resting on his shoulder when there was a knock on the door. 

“We’re not expecting anyone right?” you asked. 

Logan looked confused as he got up and walked to the door. When he saw a flash of papaya, he wanted to slam it closed. But the McLaren kit belonged to Oscar and not Lando. 

The three of you just looked at each other before Oscar cleared his throat. “Can I come in?” 

Logan said nothing, but turned to the side to let the Aussie in. 

You went to say something, but he held out his hand. “Can I say something first?” 

Logan huffed. “Sure. Unless you want to be like your teammate out there and be disrespectful.” 

Oscar, with wide eyes, shook his head. “I can here to apologize.” 

You and Logan were interested now. 

The Aussie took a deep breath. “I know words won’t repair the past year, but I want to slowly start fixing it.” 

He looked to Logan first. “I’m sorry Logan. I shouldn’t have let Lando be so influential on me last year. Because of that, I lost you as my best friend and I regret it every day. Your friendship meant the world to me, and I’m paying my own consequences.” 

Oscar then turned to you. “Y/n, we don’t know each other well, but I’m also sorry to you. I noticed how everyone seemed to distance you at McLaren functions and I should have been the better person instead of following the crowd.” 

He was on the verge of tears, but so were you and Logan. 

“I’m not here because anyone asked me. I’m here because I want to make things right. And I know that I probably won’t be forgiven immediately, I’m not asking you to. But I wanted to say sorry first and hope to be on the right path to be friends. And – ”  

Oscar couldn’t finish as he was brought into a big hug by Logan. His breath shuddered as he melted into the hug. He sobbed a bit more when he felt your arms wrap around him and the taller blond. He squeezed Logan a bit tighter as more tears fell. 

Logan released the hug after a few moments and wiped his own tears. You also wiped your tears as you giggled at the moment of three drivers all crying together. Your laughs made Logan start, which made Oscar join in. 

It felt ridiculous as you three really started laughing. 

When you came down from the laughing high, Logan finally looked at Oscar in full. His eyes were red, but so where his and yours. He smiled at the Aussie. 

“Oscar, how do you feel about some paddle?” 

venus2 has posted

liked by oscarpiastri, pheonix95, sargeantgirlie, and 204,295 others

venus2 padel after the storm

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loscar4ever OH MY GOSH OH MY GOSH OH MY GOSH ���

presidentlogan LOSCAR IS BACK????

phoenix95 we totally crushed them 😌

venus2 YEAH WE DID

charles_leclerc if only SOMEONE put in the same amount of effort we could have won 😡

maxverstappen1 I SAID I WAS SORRY

y/ns_world everyone is focused on the first pic but the second one is so cute 🥺

y/nxlogan I know righttttt

lambo_duo glad to see smiles in the comments, we'll bring it back in Spain!

pheonix95 has posted

liked by venus2, charles_leclerc, logang2, and 402,947 others

phoenix95 you're so gorgeous it actually hurts 🥴

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loscarlife I CAME STRAIGHT FROM LOGAN'S POST

cardar8155 carlos and oscar are still superior

lestappenlove ummmmmmm no.

venus2 you're so gorgeous 🙃

charles_leclerc someone complemented me once 😒

maxverstappen1 I'M STILL ALIVE????

charles_leclerc y'all hear that 🤨

lewishamilton just the wind

y/n.nation they're such couple goals

oscarpiastri has posted

liked by maxverstappen1, opeightyone, venus2, and 805,294 others

oscarpiastri never playing doubles with them again 🥲

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opeightyone looks like we should start a padel line

lando_no_rizz glad that it seemed to be the group plus oscar

sargeantgirlie he's on thin ice, but I guess oscar is now fine

phoenix95 admit it, you're just scared of us 😏

oscarpiastri yes. on and off track.

venus2 AS YOU SHOULD BE 😤

oscarpiastri @/maxverstappen1 come get your son pls

maxverstappen1 that's George's son

georgerussell63 oh so he's only my son when he's acting out

loscarland MY FAMILY IS BACK TOGETHER

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suttonreidprivate oh did i mention i also dance??

emilyprentiss MILF

towolff Hübsches Mädchen [pretty girl]

maxverstappen1 TOTO?! twolff I have a contract printed out for you still. maxverstappen1 But what about the plan with Logan? towlff He replaces Lewis, and Lewis becomes his engineer, and you replace George. maxverstappen1 I'll do it when Logan does it. Only if you keep it underwraps twolff Deal. suttonreidprivate UNDER MY COMMENTS, REALLY?!

loganreid Oh so this is why I heard this sound multiple times.

pennygarcia Awwww.

𓆙𓆙𓆙𓆙𓆙𓆙𓆙𓆙𓆙𓆙𓆙𓆙𓆙𓆙𓆙𓆙𓆙

loganreid (this user is private for now)

liked by emilyprentiss, lewishamilton, and others

loganreid Happy birthday mom! Thank you so much for raising me and giving up a lot for me to race. You are an inspiration to everyone and I love you.

tagged: suttonreidprivate

suttonreidprivate awww logs! thank you! and i would do it again. but pray tell how the fuck did you get that picture??

derekmorgan Happy birthday to my favorite Reid!

lewishamilton THIS IS GOLD

loganreid I have so many more pics like this. lewishamilton For research purposes can I have them? nicorosberg Me too!

ahotchner You were a baby then. What happened?

suttonreidprivate ✨trauma✨ loganreid You need therapy. emilyprentiss You're just now realizing that?? loganreid Oh I've noticed it. Just didn't say anything. twolff I know a good therapist. suttonreidprivate thanks toto.

𓆙𓆙𓆙𓆙𓆙𓆙𓆙𓆙𓆙𓆙𓆙𓆙𓆙𓆙𓆙𓆙𓆙

tag list: @lady-laura-speaks @d3kstar @stupid---person @raizelchrysanderoctavius @magical-spit @nichmeddar @novelswithariana @ilivbullyingjeongin @barcelonaloverf1life @sya-skies @nikfigueiredo @woozarts @thescooby-gang @norstappenvibes @ietss @magnusstan @yukimaniac @formulaal @2pagenumb @pear-1206 @heavy-vettel @charllleclerc @lost4lyrics @fall-bambi @noooway555 @f1msc @formulaonebuff

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for block evading to make sure someone is still alive?

So this whole situation gets rather complicated and quick, so please bear with me… TW for mention of suicide.

I (20m) previously made friends with a younger artist (about 17f by now if I’m remembering correctly; please keep an open mind here) after being unaware of their age and just following them for their art for a few years. One day, when I was 18 and I believe they were maybe 15-16, I reached out to let them know that I had been deeply influenced by their art and thought a lot of their work was very fun and humorous, and we kept in contact afterward mostly through public chat spaces, just joking around with each other and sharing art and memes and the like.

I want to stress that I had absolutely zero foul intentions here. They were a lonely kid without many friends, and I felt for them; I went through a lot of the same shitty situations (namely an abusive home) they were actively going through, and genuinely all I wanted was to offer them a safe space and a friend. I know that people sometimes get weird about friendships across age gaps, but I sincerely only wanted to help where I could. To this day I’m still not sure if I went about it the right way, but that’s a discussion for my therapist and not for here.

Fast forward some time. I discover that the other artist didn’t have a lot of friends for various reasons that were all linked mostly back to their immaturity, which I didn’t mind considering that they were. Y’know. Kids. But part of this immaturity was just… not understanding time restraints and boundaries, and that reflected back at me, despite multiple instances of me sitting them down and having talks with them about it as gently as I could. These talks were usually just about them messaging me constantly, literally non-stop, in the middle of the night, during school hours, etc etc etc. During this time, I became sick — very sick. I stand now chronically ill and permanently disabled. I was sick, scared, and exhausted, and yet I was expected by this friend to talk to them literally constantly, or else they would get upset. And it took a further toll on my ailing health, because no matter how many times I tried to tell them that I physically couldn’t talk to them as much as they were demanding I do, it never seemed to resonate.

I started reaching out less and less, because I just physically couldn’t handle talking to someone That Much for That Long… It wasn’t personal. It came to a point where our chats went completely silent, and even if I did reach out to try and talk, they wouldn’t reply or would only do so in very short, clipped responses. So I respected the obvious decision they had come to and just�� kind of stopped trying to reach out. I was still a follower of theirs, though, so I would visit their profile every now and then just to make sure they were doing okay as a means to soothe my own worries.

Then they made a post alluding to offing themselves, went radio silent across all their platforms for a few days despite my best efforts to reach out, until I tried to check up on them again and found myself blocked everywhere. This made me panic; I genuinely didn’t know what to do. It took me a while to even remember that I could just… log in to a new account online rather than the app to check up on them, and after a few weeks of doing this, I was relieved to find that they’re still doing okay and back to posting semi-regularly. I don’t know the details, but at least they’re alive, y’know? That’s all that matters to me. Now, I just try to check every month or so to make sure they’re okay, and I’ll send them little anon messages trying to uplift them, or tell them to stay strong… I’m aware that it probably falls under stalker territory or something, but I genuinely only want the best for them, and as it stands, I don’t have a whole lot of other ideas for how to at least make sure that they’re okay…

Anyway… I’m making this post because there was another “AITA” post that got torn apart by people for someone evading a block for some reason or another, and I guess I was just compelled to see if this story would get a similar reaction… 🤷‍♂️

So yeah. AITA for block evading to make sure someone is still alive?

What are these acronyms?

[suffersinfandom]

When it comes to fandom, a thing that is supposed to be fun and not that serious, I'm usually a filthy moderate. I want everyone to feel safe and heard. I'll jump through a hundred hoops to avoid conflict. I only block people who are hostile or triggering because I know being blocked is hurtful to some. I genuinely try get along with everyone, even the folks I disagree with.

In OFMD fandom, I never tag my posts with "Izzy Hands," not even when it's a strictly canonical observation or analysis. I use the "Izzy critical" tag whenever I mention the guy just in case my bias against him shows. I don't outright call him abusive when I'm writing meta because I don't want to stir up drama or tempt anyone to deny my lived experiences of abuse. On the rare occasion when I reply directly to someone I disagree with, I do everything in my power to be neutral, polite, and understanding (when people aren't being overtly racist).

And you know what? It kind of sucks! I'm not having fun!

Every day I get to see people complaining about harassment that (when they link to it or refer to it directly enough for me to figure out what they're talking about) is just... other people disagreeing with them or challenging them. I see all kinds of spite and pettiness aimed at the low-media-literacy idiots who love OFMD, season two, and Ed and Stede. People like me who love Ed are called abuse apologists who're incapable of recognizing that he did things wrong (in spite of the fact that everyone I follow does recognize that, yes, Ed did do things wrong -- we just don't think that he's a monster). I get to see people telling me why Izzy, a man who does and says things that my abusers have done and said to me, is the actual victim, or why he and Ed are soulmates who invented love, or why the show would be better if the season one antagonist who abused the indigenous lead had been centered like he deserves.

Look. I don't care if people like Izzy. That's none of my business and I'm happy to leave Izzy enjoyers alone as long as they aren't being racist (that does happen) or running my mutuals off of social media. I'm not going to hang out with or trust someone who thinks Izzy was in the right, but I'm also not going to bother them. I love not bothering people! I've been doing it since I first poked my head into the fandom in June of 2022!

But, like, If you want the fandom to get along, maybe being a spiteful bully isn't the best way to accomplish that, you know? Maybe you shouldn't call people abuse apologists or idiots who are just too stupid to understand why the show that you're in the fandom of is bad and terribly written and a piece of shit with only the most lukewarm, heterosexual (?) queer representation.

And if the person who came into my inbox and told me that I'm a Zionist bitch who should set myself on fire is reading this, log off. Book a therapist.

[veryinjuredperson]

i'm not sure how many people will actually see this post, but anyone who does, hi! i'm vip, and i have some pressing questions on my ol' mind!

so, i'm... severly mental ill, to say the least of it, diagnosed with depression, adhd, anxiety, bpd, professional suspicions of autism and ptsd, and personal suspicions of some sort of dissociative disorder.

to make this easier, im going to breakdown what's been happening...

so, i can't say i've ever noticed being GONE from the present per say, but it's more like... i'm sort of present at all times, but have different personalities or voices who crop up and direct me. my tones change, sometimes my accent changes, my mood changes, the words i use change, certain skill sets might change, thought processes change, etc.

i've struggled with identity for a long time, i just don't like to share that fact usually, particularly because it scares the shit out of me and also due to the fact that i am constantly telling myself that i must be an attention seeker and a faker and a liar, even though i have only spoken about my suspicions of potentially being a system with a single trusted person.

some voices have names, there are several who are at least based on fictional characters, and others who aren't... sometimes i can communicate more clearly between separate voices, and other times it feels like one train of thought that's jumping back and forth for a single mental conversation, like i say something and then respond to myself but it still doesn't feel like just me? i have had people point out that i'm acting different before, but i have a consistent stream of consciousness, so i feel like that's kind of... idk... i feel like that's not how systems work, is it? bc it's less like individual people who take the reigns and more like i am a sort of central core, and then there are little voices or influences, some stronger or bolder than others, who sort of... blend in with me? and influence what i'm doing... so like... i know what's going on, i feel in control, but i don't feel... normal?

if anyone has any way they can help me decipher some of this, please let me know. for now, i've taken to using plural kit and simply plural to log these personality shifts.

i do intend to speak to a psychiatrist and/or at least a therapist about this, but i haven't been able to get that far quite yet. any help in the meantime would be greatly appreciated.

( i have trauma, but a lot of my childhood from at least anything prior to 6th grade is rather blurry, there's memories here and there, some clearer than others, some just gone, i know i've had some pretty bad medical trauma all prior to the age of three, but also some beyond that, i know my parents have always fought a lot, i know that i never stayed in one school for longer than a single grade year, i know i had very inconsistent friendships, i know i played pretend or even "played games with myself" including "hide and seek" which was... generally just sad... but yeah, i do have trauma, i js dont know if it's enough to cause what happened? oh! i also started school a year earlier than most, so i turned 10 part way into 5th grade, i know a lot of sources say that this stuff had to happen prior to... 9? 7? it's unclear... but... just letting that be known )

[bebsibby]

The Top Surgery Log

Hello! I got top surgery yesterday! I want to catalogue my experience so I can remember it and provide some insight for people who want it but haven't gotten it yet. I will continue to update this post as my healing goes on. Everything under the read more!

Leading Up

My insurance is with Kaiser which has been an AWESOME experience so far. They do require a therapist letter, so no informed consent, but the process was very simple and there were a lot of people dedicated to getting me what I needed.

I had about 3 therapist meetings where she just asked me questions about my experience with gender and how my transition has gone so far, my support network, can I afford it, etc. Then she wrote my letter, sent it off to the surgical team, and I was approved within a few days!

After that I had my very first consult with the surgeon. He took pictures, did a breast exam, asked about general health and family health history, then gave me a little presentation of the process. It had post up photos of prior patients, a lot of explanations of the types of surgeries available that he does, and a lot of good information in general. He answered a lot of my questions and made me feel fully confident and prepared for the experience.

Also important to note: I told him the surgery I had been wanting ever since I started doing top surgery research was Inverted-T and I was curious of he knew of it/why that WASN'T an option they offered. He explained everything to me and showed me what he expected my results to look like if I DID want to go to a different surgeon outside of Kaiser. Said surgeon does NOT accept insurance, but would work with the insurance side of things to make sure they would reimburse for the expenses. I really appreciate that because it showed me they wanted to do get exactly what I wanted.

Based on all of that, I decided to just opt for Double Incision both to save me time and get a result that was aesthetically more pleasing to me. Loss of nipple sensation is unfortunate, but apparently IT only has the potential to bring a little sensation back, which wasn't worth all the extra hoop jumping for me.

After this consult, my surgeon told me to think about everything then email him a few days later with my decision. I did and then a few days later got my call to schedule. I got to pick my date but not the time of day, as I would later learn that's decided by the hospital and not me. Once my surgery was scheduled, another pre-op appointment was scheduled about a month before the surgery date. That appointment was very short, as it was just signing consent forms and confirming everything I wanted. He also gave me a packet of supplies I needed to get before the surgery.

After that, I'd occasionally receive emails with more pre-op instructions, like when to stop eating and drinking, showering instructions, when to stop certain medication, and how to care for my drains.

The Surgery

The day before surgery I had initially planned to do all of the last minute housework and leave for the surgery the next morning. HOWEVER, when I got my call to tell me the time, it turns I had to be there by 6 AM! The surgery center is over an hour away from me and the bus my wife and I were going to take didn't run that early, so we had to scramble to make other plans. Luckily the friend who was going to drive us back home was cool with us crashing on his floor for the night, so we were able to do the most important things at home then take the bus down the day before.

Once we were all set up for the night, I did the first cleaning routine that I was required to do, set my alarm, then tried to sleep. I didn't get much due to Hard Floor and also excited but that wasn't a biggie because I'd be sleeping again soon LOL.

Next morning I woke up, did my second skin cleansing, and we headed out! I checked in, waited a little in the waiting room, then got called back to start.

Everyone who was working with me was SUPER funny and kind. I got asked more questions, signed another form, took some pre-med tylenol, them stripped to switch into my gown, bonnet, and grippy socks (Got to keep those btw :>) My IV got put in my wrist which REALLY fucking hurt!!!!!! It never stopped aching. After that, the surgeon popped in to check on me and see if I had any questions, then they wheeled me in to the operating room.

I had gotten another premed via IV that was already making me tired, and I remember the last thing being the surgeon saying what to do with my removed tissue once he was done and I was gone!

The surgery itself lasted around four hours, but all I remember is waking up and seeing my wife and friend sitting at the foot of the bed. I said hi to them and that was apparently third time I had said it. I had been up and talking to them for awhile all loopy but also becoming suddenly very serious when talking with the nurses. I've had a few surgeries but I've NEVER been this way after so that was funny. The nurse had also been giving ME all of the postop discharge info and I don't remember it so thats unfortunate! I only remember her talking about the drains. I had to read it all again when I got home but it was all good.

Once I was awake enough, they wheel-chaired me down to my friends car, packed us all up and we headed back home. I napped about half the time but still kept my eyes closed when i was awake and talking bc my vision was still FUCKED and it was so bright out. We got home, I was lead inside, and that was that pretty much! I napped several more times, nibbled on some roast beef, emptied my drains (which made me very woozy, mostly due to the standing) and went to bed!

After Surgery

Day one! I woke up a few times in the night mainly to go to the bathroom, but slept REAL deep otherwise. It rained all night which was awesome. I woke up feeling very achy but not painful except for my throat. Those ET tubes are NOT easy on your body. Took all my meds, got out of bed eventually, and had cup ramen for breakfast. Now I'm just sitting on the couch with all my computer stuff moved from my desk to where I'm sitting. I got a long hdmi cable so I can just watch stuff on the big TV so I'm pretty set up!

My wife just brought me some cookies and overall I'm just feeling really good. Not really excited or emotional about it. Its just a very warm contented feeling.

I don't know what my chest looks like yet since my post-op binder got put on while i was still out, but everything gets removed next week! I'll probably update again after that appointment.

Feel free to ask specific questions! I'll be resting most of the time so I'll just be around!

[phantomrose96]

Yknow I don't think I've... talked about the absolute smorgasbord of shit what's gone wrong with my condo since I moved in so

day 0 - hadn't moved in yet, was just moving items over, turned the sink on for just a moment. turns out the tube feeding into the sink faucet was full of holes (how???) and this caused a never-ending leak under the sink. the standing water rotted the baseboard under the sink

still day 0 - said leak and water accrual dripped down and damaged downstairs neighbor's ceiling ($$$). she has to call me to tell me about it.

I have to get a plumber out there next day (still not living there yet! empty place! I have to take off work). While waiting for plumber, I discover heat's not working.

Go to basement to investigate boiler. Seller didn't fix the issue they claimed they fixed.

Plumber looks at sink. Declares it full of holes. Says he can come back in a few days to fix it.

(Plumber postpones, then flakes. I chase down a different plumber.)

Plumber 2 says the issue is with the garbage disposal, not the faucet. Can come back x days later to work on that, and the boiler.

Plumber 2 comes back x days later (I have to take off work again), says "oh the disposal was messed up but also the faucet has holes." Says he can come back maybe the NEXT day with a new faucet

Oh also the smoke detector in the back hall is low battery beeping and I don't have a battery for it. It's constant, every minute on the minute.

I bike to a hardware store and buy a faucet and a battery ($$). Get lost on the way home. (All of this back and forth is by bike. I live in the city and do not have a car.)

Plumber replaces the faucet ($$). I replace the smoke detector battery but it's still beeping. Dozens of more stupid minutes later of going up and down and up and down stairs and dragging my big stupid ladder around, I realize it's the carbon monoxide detector which is hidden behind the door I need to open to even get to the back hallway.

Plumber services the boiler ($$$)

I move in. I have a less than great time emptying everything from my apartment, which doesn't have plumbing issues. On a bad foot to start.

Travel for Christmas. Come back. Now the first floor back-hall smoke detector is beeping. (At least I have a fucking battery. Get my big stupid ladder down the back hall, knock every wall on the way down, and replace that battery).

I get first month's heating bill (I'd been living there for 10 days if even.) $334. Jesus christ. Likely due to the boiler issue.

Electricity goes out for the evening, same day as I get this bill from the gas and electric company, because fuck you I guess.

Homeowners insurance log in doesn't work. I haven't received my bill, which I need to pay.

Radiators bang in the middle of the night. Something something about them being old or not level or full of ghosts. Cool I don't need to sleep or whatever.

I've received no correspondence from the bank about my first mortgage payment. It'll be due Jan 1st, which is a holiday, so I reach out early. They say it's in the mail.

I monitor my mail every day. I receive no mail. I contact again. I reach out to my old apartment building in case it's there (they can't tell me). I sign up for a bank account with them online. I jump through various hoops to discover the bank has my address wrong. The address of the place the mortgage is on...

They had the mortgage address right. They had my home address as identical to the mortgage address but with one number missing. No one noticed. They'd been sending my stuff to a non-existent address, or the back of a college warehouse, I haven't quite figured it out.

I jump through more hoops to pay my mortgage payment with a check in the mail (I had to go buy stamps and an envelope) (late, but they assure me there's no penalty, but are you sure.)

^This has all been about 2 weeks. btw.

(I get a therapist, and find my way to being seen by a psychiatrist, which I guess is good but jesus is it $$$. Still figuring out how to use my stupid HSA)

People on floor 1 move out. They've got contractors in constantly renovating the place top to bottom. I get all their paint fumes.

Sound proofing doesn't exist, turns out. I hear my downstairs neighbors' conversations. I hear their tv. I hear street conversations. One night it was pouring rain and I was woken up by the sound of something banging against the house. Like genuinely banging. I go outside and investigate - it's a car idling with their windshield wipers going. Windshield wipers. Why would that be audible. Walls made of paper.

Floor 1 contactors leave the back door open one night. Luckily I wasn't storing anything in the back hall and had the door to my interior locked.

I receive my next month's heating bill. $689. I call the gas company and they shrug. I call the plumber and he shrugs. I turn the heat way down cuz I don't know. I dunno. Something's wrong with the boiler but it just got serviced so I dunno. I have to call someone else.

Speak of the devil, cones appear immediately outside my building declaring there's going to be gas line work. For a month. They start with the jackhammers at 8am every weekday. It's gonna be a month. I miss the windshield wipers.

We have a weekend of arctic freeze. -30F windchill. I go down to the basement Sunday morning to do laundry. Floor 1 contractors have outdone themselves by leaving a window open. Pipe had burst in floor 1 and was pouring water down into the basement, totally flooded.

I have to call the plumber, and flag the Floor 2 people about it and they at least find the master water shutoff. I'm dealing with the plumber and I have no water for half the day and no laundry for me.

I want to lie down in a marsh for a bit.