#living vicariously through these boys
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Steve's not obsessed with Eddie's hands.
He's not.
They're just... he happened to notice them, once, when Eddie was listening to Dustin talk through how he might want to make his first DM campaign play out.
Steve wasn't even really paying attention at first, just reading some comic he'd found lying in Eddie's room. But then, out of the corner of his eye, he'd seen it. Movement.
Eddie and Dustin were sitting at the small kitchen table, Dustin talking about puzzles and traps and monsters and Eddie was smiling, nodding encouragingly, looking more and more exicted. But it wasn't the movement of his head that drew Steve's attention.
It was his hands.
They were resting on the sides of his legs, tapping.
Steve could only see one hand really, but he could see Eddie's other arm jumping the same way, his hands moving faster and faster the more excited he got, until they were just hovering near his legs, flapping in the air beside him as he smiled widely at Dustin. He suggested a few things, to Dustin, Steve's pretty sure that's what he was saying anyway, his ears weren't great anymore if he wasn't focused, and right now, all of his focus was on Eddie's hands.
Dustin slapped his hand on the table, pointed at Eddie and then started scribbling as Eddie laughed, Steve always managed to hear Eddie's laugh, his hands flapping harder, slapping at his thighs.
Steve vaguely hears his name, cocks his head to the side, but doesn't respond, his eyes still locked on Eddie's flapping hands, and then they stop moving. Both of them freezing, the one Steve can see clamps down on Eddie's thigh, fingers pressing into his jeans.
Steve blinks. Tears his eyes away. Looks at Eddie.
He's staring at Steve, his cheeks tinted pink. Steve swallows, gives him a little smile before Dustin has his attention, chatting at him about what he and Eddie had just come up with.
Steve hears about half of it. Nodding when he thinks he should, trying his best to sound interested. It's enough for Dustin. The barely there commitment. And usually Steve is better at engaging with him, even though he has no clue what he's talking about.
But he's distracted. His eyes keep wandering to Eddie's hands. But they don't move again the whole time he's there, Eddie's knuckles turn white as Steve's eyes linger on his hand. His fingers still pressing into his thigh, they drum a quick beat here and there, but his hands don't move.
Steve sighs, drags his eyes away, and tries to keep them off Eddie. Somehow feeling like Eddie is embarrassed, or upset, that Steve had seen... whatever it was he'd seen.
~°~
It keeps happening.
Eddie's flapping hands.
Steve's eyes on them.
But he's careful now. He doesn't stare. Just steals glances when the movements draw his eye. And Eddie always has his hands under tables, or tucked close to his sides, when it happens. Like he's trying to hide it.
Steve doesn't understand why. He likes it. Every time he sees Eddie's hands moving excitedly it makes his chest flutter. Like he's so happy that Eddie's happy it just fills him with warmth.
But it happens other times too.
Not only when he's happy.
It happens when he's nervous.
Happens when he's scared.
The movements are more erratic when he's nervous or scared. His hands flap, shake, clench, and unclench at his sides.
Every time, Steve wants to reach out and touch. To take his hands, hold them in his and tell him he's okay. That whatever it is. Steve will help.
But he hides it. Behind distracting smiles, and under tables, and behind his back, sometimes. But Steve sees him, watches him, and he wants.
Wants to ask. Wants to touch. Wants to be touched.
Wants to feel Eddie's shaking, flapping, hands against him. Wants to be the reason they flap happily at his sides sometimes. Wants to feel them flap happily against his sides. Wonders if Eddie would do that against his back if he kissed him.
Or if he'd do it lying underneath Steve, clutching at his shirt before his hands just taptaptaptapped against his back as Steve pressed him into his matress.
Or maybe he'd hold Eddie's hands, up above his head. Feel his fingers tapping against his hands as Steve kissed him, nice and slow. Eddie would just tap faster, if he was happy, if he wanted that, with Steve.
Steve sighed, deeply, and glanced at Eddie's hands, his left one resting in his lap, thumb twisting at his ring. His right one, hanging down by his leg, shaking happily as he listened to Will and Dustin make plans for their new campaign, and wished he could reach out and touch him. Even just settle his hand against Eddie's, just to feel the joy shake out of his body.
~°~
The first time Steve reaches out and takes Eddie's shaking hand, is at the summer carnival.
It's hot. And crowded. And loud. And they're waiting in line for some ride the kids want to drag them on. People laughing and screaming and crowding around, jostling them and bumping their shoulders.
And Eddie had gone quiet about five minutes ago. Steve keeps glancing down, watching his hands. It takes three more minutes. But they start to shake, flapping at his sides before he grabs at his jeans, wipes his palms, lets them shake again.
Steve leans forward, tells Dustin they'll be over by the benches, and he grabs Eddie's hand, gently slides his hand into Eddie's. Eddie looks at him, blinking rapidly.
"You wanna come with me? Get outta here?" Steve asks, jerks his head to the side. Eddie nods immediately, his fingers clamping down on Steve's hand, hard. But Steve doesn't care, because Eddie's hand shakes, just once or twice, and then it stops. And his hand is warm, and strong, inside Steve's as he leads them to the benches and sits Eddie down.
He gives him a drink of his lemon shake up, snorts when Eddie makes a face at the sour taste, and then sits next to him.
Eddie takes a few deep breaths, his eyes closed. He takes his hand out of Steve's, leaving him aching for his touch. Steve just lets him go, rests his hand in his lap instead.
"Thanks." Eddie sighs, after a long moment, his eyes finally opening, they don't land on Steve. Stay locked on his lap.
"Anytime." He says, and he means it. Deep in his chest he means it, he'd do anything for Eddie. Always. Eddie smiles, finally looking at him.
"Can't believe you tried to kill me with that though." Eddie huffs, kicks Steve's shoe with his own and nods at the cup sitting between them.
Steve laughs, watches Eddie smile, his fingers twitching in his lap, his wrist twitches once, Steve's pretty sure it counts.
~°~
The second time he touches Eddie's hands, Eddie's just made them grilled cheese, his signature dish. And he's stitting in front of Steve, his chin resting in one hand, his other hand hidden under the table. He's watching as Steve chews his first bite.
"Weeeell?" He asks, impatient, as always. Steve makes a show of chewing slower, his eyes lifting to the ceiling as he hums, thinking. Eddie kicks at his shin under the table, his socked foot not hurting at all. Steve snorts, kicks back, and says,
"It's good. Really good. Best grilled cheese I ever had." He's serious, knows he sounds like he's teasing.
"Yeah? You like it? I didn't burn it? I mean I know you said you like them crispy but I thought maybe I got it too dark. Might have burnt it." Eddie rambles, and Steve just smiles, shakes his head.
"It's perfect, actually. You're a grilled cheese wizard. Or a... grilled cheese... bard. No I don't think that's a thing. Wizard applies more here, pretty sure." Steve says, waving off his own words like they're nonsense, looking toward the ceiling again to avoid Eddie's, no doubt, exasperated look.
But that's when he sees it.
His eyes are on their way to the ceiling when he sees Eddie's hand, flapping next to his thigh. Steve looks back to him, sees him beaming, and can't help himself when he reaches out and grabs Eddie's shaking hand.
But it's a mistake. He didn't know it would be. Didn't think. Had forgotten about that first day when Eddie had caught him staring and froze.
The smile drops off Eddie's face and he tugs his hand quickly away from Steve, hiding it in his lap, scooting back in his chair, away from Steve, his eyes on the table.
"Sorry. I can't- sorry." He stammers, shaking his head, his cheeks are red, his eyes darting around the table top as he curls in on himself, arms wrapped around his stomach protectively.
"What are you sorry for? You don't have to be sorry." Steve says, his voice soft, just a breath between them really. Eddie frowns, shakes his head again.
"No. It's annoying. I know it is. It just happens. I can't help it." Eddie's voice is firm, his words sound rehearsed, like he's said them a thousand times. It makes Steve's chest ache, with pain for Eddie, and with anger for whoever told him that any part of himself was annoying. Especially this part, a part of him that Steve is sure is pure joy, made visible, made tangible and expressive.
"It's not annoying." Steve says, and he sounds... mad? A little. But not at Eddie. Eddie's eyes snap up, lock on Steve's face, he doesn't blink.
"It's not." Steve reaffirms, one shake of his head. He moves his hand, slides it across the table top slowly, towards Eddie, and then turns it, palm up, waiting.
Eddie's eyes twitch from his face to his hand and back again. Steve smiles, small, and wiggles his fingers, gives Eddie a nod.
"C'mon. It's okay." He nods his head again, eyes dropping to his hand and then back to Eddie's face. Eddie swallows, sits a little straighter, unwraps his arms from his stomach. Steve sees his arms flex, knows Eddie is squeezing his thigh under the table, nervous. But then he moves, slowly brings his hand up, and places it in Steve's.
He sighs, the contact he's been waiting for finally made, Eddie's breathing is shakey as he watches Steve curl his fingers around his hand, pull it closer across the table.
"It's not annoying Eddie it's-" Steve pauses. Eddie frowns, a grimace really.
"Hey. No. I mean it. I like it." Steve says, and Eddie looks at him, his eyes moving back to their tangled hands over and over.
"You do?" He asks, and he sounds so fucking small. So unsure. So Steve does the only thing he can think of, he stands, drags Eddie to his feet as well, and then presses a kiss to Eddie's knuckles.
"I do. I really do. That's why I was staring." Steve says, breathes it against Eddie's hand, smiles when Eddie's fingers twitch against him.
"I'm sorry it made you uncomfortable. But it wasn't because I was annoyed. I promise you that. You believe me?" Steve ducks his head a little, tries to get Eddie to look at him, he's got his free hand up by his mouth, his nail worrying between his teeth. And Steve has to smile, can see Eddie thinking, trying to make sure he does, believe Steve. One moment more and Eddie nods, presses his lips together, and looks at Steve.
"I believe you." He says, teeth worrying into his lip.
"Good. So you- I mean you don't have to hide it. Around me. If you don't want. Cuz I meant what I said. I like it. A lot." Steve feels heat rush into his cheeks and closes his eyes, breathes against Eddie's knuckles for a moment before he looks back up to see Eddie smiling at him. Looking a little in awe. A little breathless.
"You like it that much?" His nose scrunches and Steve just want to fucking kiss him. He nods instead.
"Yeah. I really do. It's like you've got... I don't know... happy little bat wings. Just flapping around you when you're having a good time. I love it. I love-" Steve stops, the words caught in his throat, because that's too much. Maybe. For right now. But he feels it. Has felt it for Eddie for awhile now, the warmth of it humming beneath his skin when Eddie's near him.
Eddie's beaming at him now, tears shining in his eyes, he hides behind his hair, for just a second, before he darts forward, presses his lips to Steve's, a quick press, and then he's gone again, and the space between them is small but still too much.
"Sorry. I've never done that before." Eddie breathes. Steve watches something that could be fear, or regret, pass over Eddie's features like a shadow, and refuses to let it stay there, not even a second longer.
He drops Eddie's hand and cradles Eddie's neck, draws him closer, til their sharing breath.
"Stop apologizing. I want this. You." Steve whispers, pressing his forehead to Eddie's.
"I want you t-"
And Steve kissing him. Slow. Sweet. His hands holding Eddie close. Steve moves his tongue along Eddie's bottom lip, smiles into Eddie's mouth when he gasps, and then deepens the kiss, just so, tilting Eddie's head a little for a better angle. Eddie moans into his mouth, his hands scrambling to grab at Steve's back, clenching in his shirt and unclenching as Steve tilts his world on it's axis.
And then Steve feels it, Eddie's hands, tapping against his back, like he'd thought about since that first day, like he'd dreamed about, on several occasions. Too many to count.
Steve hums into Eddie's mouth, smiles against his lips, their teeth clicking together as Eddie smiles too, laughs into Steve's mouth, his breath filling Steve's lungs as they cling to each other.
See, Steve's not obsessed with Eddie's hands.
He just knew they'd feel perfect tapping out happy rhythms against his skin.
And for once, in his traumatic, full of bullshit life, Steve was right.
He's not obsessed with Eddie's hands.
But he does love them.
The way they move, and shake, and show all of Eddie's joys, wild, and uncontrolled.
And his to hold.
#steddie#steddie ficlet#steddie blurb#i just really needed to write something soft and sweet and this wouldn't leave my head#living vicariously through these boys#inexperienced eddie#autistic eddie munson#he's a happy flapper!!!#fates endless inkwell#fei#mine#my writing#my fic#steve x eddie#steve harrington x eddie munson#this is.... so close to my heart#i just want someone to want me ya know???? to see all the weird shit i do and be like ... fuck. that one. thats the one.
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Can you imagine looking at them beautiful brown eyes filled with love and admiration and not breaking??
#deadclaws#poolverine#deadpool and wolverine#wolverine#deadpool#boy I wish I was Logan rn#I live vicariously through him#lmao#srsly I could rly use a hug like that hahaha
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Part two of Harry’s Artcop Yarncraft Adventures
#disco elysium#harry du bois#harrier du bois#kim kitsuragi#ace’s art#living vicariously through him because I want a Luxury sweater sooooo bad
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[ID: A digital drawing of Oliver Banks and Tim Stoker on a pink background. Oliver is a thin black man with dark skin, locs half pulled into a bun, and eyebrow piercing, a lip ring, stud earrings, and cartilage piercings. He is wearing oval glasses on a chain, a red t-shirt, gray boxers, and white crew socks. Tim is a mid-sized Latino trans man with light brown skin, a lilac side-shaved mullet, a small goatee, body hair, and a cut in his brow. He is wearing rectangular glasses, a purple t-shirt, aqua boxers, and dark purple socks with lighter purple toes. Tim is sitting cross-legged and is holding a game controller in one hand, and Oliver is sitting behind him, leaning into him as he hugs him from behind, squeezing his middle and reaching for his chest under his shirt with one hand. Tim holds that arm with his free hand, and smiles as Oliver kisses at his neck. "Comfy?" he asks, and Oliver replies "mhm~". end ID]
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happy tim stoker tuesday have my rarepair being cute and gay
#fg's art#the magnus archives#tma#tim stoker#oliver banks#timoliver#tim stoker tuesday#i just think they're neat!!#end boys in love <3#living vicariously through oliver with this one. i too wanna Hold That Man#also i forgot oliver's tattoos but hhhh i can't be bothered to add them in rn#also also idk what. version of them this is lol. i guess it'd be pre-avatar edition?? less angst#oliver's hair isn't the right length for that but i didn't have a real idea of Which Version this would be when i was drawing it#i was just being gay
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shhh theyre stargazing :D
#ive been in a mood lately hrnnn why hasnt the universe dropped a cute emo boy into my life that i can stargaze with huh#living vicariously through my mc#obey me#obey me fanart#obey me art#omswd#obey me mc#belphegor#obey me belphegor
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Dead boy detectives is SO GOOD at giving the viewer everything they could ever want!
I was watching it and constantly going "omg no way, another favorite trope of mine?" and "wow another great character??"
Just a few highlights:
-multiple people have a crush on your fave character, and he absolutely deserves it because he has an aura of someone who's never been loved in his life
-best boy and best girl characters become platonic best friends and have just the most amazing, wholesome friendship
-your fave is yearning and pining and gets constantly tortured by unforeseen circumstances and the object of his affection has to save him!!!!
#and the more people have crushes on edwin the more im like#damn lemme just live my dreams vicariously through you real quick#dead boy detectives#edwin payne#charles rowland#my posts#payneland#painland
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#till the end of the moon#长月烬明#cdramaedit#chineseartistsinc#luo yunxi#bai lu#cdrama#tteotmedit#asiandramaedit#prangon gifs#i was gonna watch one episode maybe make a thought post and that's that#oh boy was i mistaken#thank you bai lu for your service#this is what i needed in my life#living my wanning dreams vicariously through this drama#chu fei you are gonna be so pretty if hyx drops
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I know this has been discussed many times but anatoly maybe most embarrassing self-insert ever. sorry tim but if I were going to create a character to project onto I don't think the trait I would focus on is cheating on my wife. and that is not even getting into making anatoly the best and most specialest chess player, the wife and mistress I love him and he should do whatever is best for him regardless of my feelings song, Elaine page casting, is there no one in my life who doesn't claim the right to steal my work my name etc embroidered throw pillow...
#chess the musical#i also choose to believe he wanted to call his gay boy contemporaries and/or professional rivals fruits so so bad and#was living vicariously through anatoly
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recently been consumed with the idea that the crux of most of gilbert's problems is that he's an immortal who never fully accepted the fact that he's immortal and he tends to approach things, especially personal issues, from a human perspective for better and for worse and this has absolutely fucked him up and is now also fucking his son up because ludwig is not and will never ever be a human child despite his father's best efforts to raise him as one in this essay i will-
#not an ask#y'all im so sorry for the updates being sporadic#im fighting my inabilty to focus#im stockholmed to the gruelling schedule of ani school help#but yes this has been a thought that's been eating at me#gilbert is so determined to raise ludwig as 'normally' as possible#because he himself was robbed of normalcy as a child#in a way he's kinda trying to live vicariously through his son#which is sad and not exactly healthy for either of them#his boy is not human!!! and he refuses to see that!!!#gilbert has a lot of resentment built around being immortal and he's projecting it so hard onto his children#lud especially because he was so young when he came into his care#unlike sztefa who was older
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Dalinar's relationship with Adolin is a textbook example of a parent attempting to live vicariously through their child, making up for the all the lost opportunities they never took or were given. I feel like most people can't relate to having a war criminal as a parental figure, but they can relate to having a parent push you to become the person they, in retrospect, wish they had been themselves.
Adolin naturally feels trapped within the boundaries Dalinar sets on him, and rightfully tries to break free of them. So much of his flippant playboy attitude is a pushback against the rigid ideals to which his father holds him - it's not just cuz he's a bisexual pretty boi. Dalinar insists on always presenting himself (and by extension, Adolin) as the ideal military officer, perfectly in control of themselves - since Dalinar was so often not in control of himself as a youth. Varying his outfit, even within the confines of the military uniform, is a way for Adolin to express himself, find freedom from the constraining expectations his father puts on him. The same goes for the drinking, dueling, and being friendly with his troops.
It's a case of "what's right for one person isn't always right for another person." Dalinar is right to hold himself to these codes - he needs them. But what he's not right for doing is holding other people to these codes uncompromisingly. Certainly the other Highprinces needed the wakeup call the Codes provided, but Adolin is proof that it's possible to be a good person without rigidly holding yourself to the Codes.
And there are times where he's better off for having learned them. In book 1, we get the scene where Adolin comes to understand the importance of an officer dressing properly, to show that they are taking the war and the danger seriously - something many of the other lighteyed officers had forgotten. Adolin doesn't dismiss the Codes outright - he simply adapts them to his own personal needs.
In the end, your ideals should lead to increased self-actualization, not decreased. Ethics should set you free to be the best person you can be. That's one of the thing Stormlight does well - by having different orders of Knights Radiant, it shows how what's important to one person's personal growth isn't necessarily the right fit for everyone. Because Dalinar is so traumatized by the consequences of his previous life, however, he has trouble seeing this with his own son. This is further complicated by the fact that Adolin is one of his last connections to Evi - the woman who he murdered in his rage.
Anyway, this rant is in no way inspired by my own parents' expectations of me. Why do you ask?
#dalinar kholin#adolin kholin#stormlight archive#living vicariously through your children#he is a pretty boi tho
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Dragon Age Fans who happen to own those life-sized/giant Skeleton Decorations: I'd better see a plethora of Manfreds this Halloween Or So Help Me
#Please I live in apartment and don't have room for an oversized skelly-boy I need to live vicariously through others Thank You - xoxo#dragon age#veilguard#datv#manfred the skeleton
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i paid 4mil gil for dye i want to barf
#instead of doing any of the screenshot prompts i need to do today i farmed this set instead#is this outfit in character for her at all?#not even a little bit#but oh boy is it something i want to wear irl#and so i am living vicariously through her#thus i needed pure white and jet black dye#which go for 500k each on balmung#contemplated crying; bought them anyway#screenshots
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I think if Shen Jiu acquired Shen Yuan as a baby he would have pageant mom disease so bad
#Having a baby wouldn’t fix him I think in many ways it would make him worse#He’s still jealous of all those other talented kids Plus he can’t have them outshing his a-Yuan who he lives vicariously through#He is passing on horrible habits#and trying so hard to keep his a-Yuan a sweet boy and not a wretched man#while also feeling like it’s an inevitability#He probably think he’s doing good but Shen Yuan 20 something in a child’s body#is kinda glad it’s him in this position and not an actual child who would get so fucked up
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tempted to learn how to animate so i can animate Jack ice skating
#I NEED THAT BOY TO DO AN AXEL RN#figure staking is sooo pretty and hed love it you cannot convince me otherwise#Id live vicariously through him bc ice skating is $$$$$$$$#but seriously I feel the itch to animate Jack doing a spin or a twizzle or SOMETHING#A BACKFLIP. THATS SO HIM#ramble#rotg#rise of the guardians#jack frost
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My mom is mad at me for extremely stupid reasons and I think I'm going to cry and everyone is going to look at me like I'm stupid and dumb for caring this much about it whatever whatever whatever
#SHE SOUNDED. REALLY MAD .#i was trying to get this stupid matter sorted all day but nobody else gaf so i couldnt and now its me thats going to have to deal with her#being so mad at me bc nobody else fucking knew and wouldn't listen man i hate it here#idk sometimes i feel like im her avatar to live through vicariously and she gets mad when i dont do it right but like why me man. see if i#were a boy this would not be a problem#im going to go insane
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we better be following tourdust like we followed the mychem shows. i want a livestream link
#it might make me sad but i want to live through it vicariously#fall out boy#patrick stump#pete wentz#joe trohman#andy hurley#so much for stardust#so much for tourdust
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