#little brother tells his big brother to live the apple pie life with the girl of his dreams

[sheathnknife]

kicking my feet and giggling at damon spending the rest of his human life tormented by the possibility of never seeing stefan again, not finding peace until he finally has his brother in his arms in the afterlife despite marrying the girl of his dreams… his very own eternity of misery….........

[hahaha-3]

wilbur reminisces on his first love

category: angst and hella sad

tw: mentions of suicide attempts, eating disorder, medication, self harm, and abuse (verbal and physical i think)

she used to be mine

“Ello chat today we are doing a chill Q & A stream so ask away!”. I couldn’t catch all of the questions from the chat but one caught my eye. “Wilbur what was your first love like?” I chuckle “wow the fowardness of you guys tonight is astounding”. I could picture her in my head so clearly. My face flushed “Ok my first love well it was pretty rough I guess you could say”

It’s not simple to say most days I don't recognize me

Its been 5 years since we split and I carried a piece of her with me everyday. Literally her tiny cat named snowball curled up against my leg purring. I smile sadly at the cat and remember the girl I was once in love with. “It was four years ago, I was still in college and still very stupid” I laugh as chat aww’s.

With these shoes and its apron, that place and its patrons, have taken more than I gave them

“I used to work in a diner near my college at Uncle Sams Hamburger Express” (I did my research ;)) “She stopped by almost everyday and ordered the exact same thing every time an apple pie, a strawberry milkshake, and a smile” I giggle softly. They always seemed to go crazy over the smallest details but it was all true. Even knowing her was worth so much.

Its not easy to know, Im not anything like I used to be, Although its true

Thinking about her hurt like all bloody hell but remembering her made me smile. “Her favorite animal was pandas, I remember whenever I sang her this stupid little song she would just burst out laughing and her cheeks would go beautifully red”. I glance towards my donos and I see more questions and comments appear but I couldn’t shake the image of her out of my head and vision. Almost like she was still with me, in my arms.

I was never attentions sweet center, I still remember that girl

Forgetting her was impossible, and I tried. She was burned into my brain like metal branding or an ink seal on a letter. The way she smiled, the way her eyes fluttered beautifully as she tried to stay awake in my arms, her laugh that I swear could make angels cry. “Truth be told chat I don’t know how I ended up with her in the first place. She was totally out of my league”. Suddenly Tommy joins the call to joke “Unlike me! Women love me.” He laughs and I smile at the sound of the boy whos like my little brother.(I will cry) “Okay Tommy don’t you have women to talk to now?” chat spams BIg Man Tommy and he leaves call with his final remarks “Yes yes I do bye chat”.

She’s imperfect but she tries,

Flashback to June 2015

She is good but she lies

“Aria you can’t just pretend nothing is wrong when something obviously is” I held my breath waiting for her to respond with something, Anything, “Wil I don’t know what you want me to say it wasn’t a big deal. I have a headache can you stop being melodramatic”. I ran in front of her and held her shoulders “Aria you went off of your anti depressants and I almost lost you to an overdose. You told me you were taking your meds and getting better, that everything was going to be fine. You are total a big deal to me Aria. You matter more to me than anything else in the world. Please just talk to me, let me help you” I plead to her. My neighbor was coming in for my old pc and saw her on the floor with a bottle of pills. “Will I told you here, in the car 20 minutes ago, and at the hospital I am fine. I don’t need you or some stupid doctor telling me what I can or can’t do and how to live my fucking life. Now I’m tired and I need to get some rest, drop it”. She walked past me into our room leaving me in the hallway speechless. Her anger over the subject only made me more worried about her.

She is hard on herself, shes broken and won’t ask for help

Back to present

“She had the most beautiful brown eyes that I would constantly get lost in. She went through so much but refused to let it show. Her courage was what I loved most about her”.

flashback to august 2015

Her deadline was nearing on her and her stress was increasing everyday. That on top of the struggle to take her meds drove her to the point of insanity. Sometimes it would be crying in the bathroom or being sick from malnutrition. But she refused to show it. Showing it lead to questions, and questions meant providing answers that she didn’t have. Her bruises and cuts only showed just how much stronger she was than me. 10 pages. She had to write 10 pages plus an article for the college newspaper on obsessive media influence.

I caught her on the phone sometimes crying but she just said stress whenever I asked. She was breaking but never let anyone know. “Aria I can help if you want it’s on obsessive media right? I do youtube so I can help”. She ruffled my hair and smiled shaking her head “no no its fine I don’t have a lot left. I already have the brainstorming done”. She turned to the computer and smiled sadly “I just need to put my thoughts into words”.

She is messy but shes kind

Flashback to December 2015

She sped down the hallway as the christmas snow fell outside the window of our apartment. Her beautiful brown hair was tied into a bun and she had a gold and white onesie on to match my pajama set that she bought me for this special morning, She ran to directly to the small tree we had in the living room/kitchen and immediately handed me a present with a cheeky smile. I opened the box with blue and yellow wrapping paper careful not to rip all of the paper off. Her smile widened as she saw my reaction to a blue harmonica. I laughed and thanked her for the gift. She points to a spot under the tree and I avert my eyes to where she’s pointing. A beautiful blue Fender Play Telecaster electric guitar. I hug her tightly and she laughs. “I can’t believe you did this”. She smiled brightly “oh but I did Mr. Gold”. I get up and run to the guitar smiling my face off. I look up at her “how much did this cost?” she shakes her head and smiles “don’t worry about it. Go ahead try it”. I grab my pick from besides the guitar and strum it. I make a happy giggle and smile. “Thank you Aria”.

she is lonely most of the time. She is all of this mixed up and baked into a beautiful pie

“I spent so much time with her that I don’t even remember her really leaving the flat but her company was the best thing ever.” The chat was going crazy over the possibility of who it was but they would never know. The closest they knew to my love life was my songs and my crush in middle school that I made documentaries with to get closer to her.

flashback to january 2016

She ran inside the flat squealing with a small kitten in her hand. I look up from editing and smile at her. “I named her snowball and shes our daughter”. I laugh softly and get up to see the kitten closer. It had beautiful brown eyes and snow white fur. It purred loudly in her arms and her eyes reminded me so much of Arias. “I thought a pet would help make this a little less unbearable”. I hugged her and smiled. “Shes perfect love, just like you”.

Shes gone, but she used to be mine

I picked up Snowball and pet her softly. “ This was our kitten. Snowball.” Her eyes were still mesmerizing. “It was three of the best years of my life. Every second with her was undoubtedly worth it”. “I remembered how she was slowly losing herself. Far too quickly for either of us to stop. But I loved her. So much. through off of her scars and heartbreaks. She was mine”. The chill vibe in the chat had quickly gone to a sad one so I quickly answered less depressing questions to lighten the mood. She was still in my head the entire time.

And its not what I asked for, Sometimes life just slips through the cracks

I waved Snowballs soft paw towards the screen and smiled fixing my beanie a little better. “Say bye bye to the chat Snowball!” I waved with my free hand and shut off the webcam. I held Snowball closer and kissed her head. “Time for bed love”. I got up out of my chair and quickly shut off my computer and went to set Snowball down on my bed. My phone rings with a new trend on twitter. “She Used to Be Mine- Twitch streamer Wilbur Soot opens up about his past relationship with someone struggling with mental issues. Support from not only his own friends but from millions of fans with their own stories share their battle with mental illness and how he has individually helped all of them in his own way”.

And carves out a person, who makes you believe its all true, and now I got you

flashback to february 2016

She was getting visibly better. She was taking her meds and smiling more. Her stress was decreasing and she even made a friend in her journalism class. She was better. She smiled looking up at the stars from the flat roof. She pointed up, “the brightest star is the one that leads you back home”. It was true. She was my home and I was hers.

You’re not what I asked for, If I’m honest, I know I would give it all back for a chance to start over and rewrite an ending or two

~back to present~

I lay down next to Snowball and look into her Aria eyes as she purs and hold her close. Four years and I still can’t get over her. I chuckle softly and boop her nose “I blame you little one”. I wanted to help her through everything. I didn’t know how. I didn’t know the right things to say that wouldn’t hurt her more or bring her to tears. I would have carried all of the hurt and stress for her if I could. But it was too late. Tears brim my eyes at the thought that I could have done so much more to help her. If I paid more attention or asked about her day more. She would still be mine.

for that girl that I knew, who was reckless just enough

the calm before the storm is what you remember most in a tragedy~ Anonymous

flashback to March 2016

The rain poured as we looked up at the sky from the flat roof. Our one year anniversary.

Her hair clinging to her back as she stood on the edge of the roof in an almost angelic white dress. She smiled at me. My heart surged as my hair pressed to my face. She takes my hand and we dance together in the beautiful rain. Two hearts together one whole and one mending.

She looked up at me with tears in her eyes “thank you”. Things will be fine.

Who gets hurt but learns how to toughen up when she's bruised and gets used by a man who can’t love

April 2016

She held her phone close to her ear and shook as tears ran down her face. The door was closed and the lights were off. She was all alone. With the voice screeching through the phone. She sobbed harder as the criticisms flooded her head. Everything she was doing wrong. Everything she has done wrong. The effect of her living and how much it hurt people and ruined them. “You are a worthless little girl who will never get anywhere with your stupid journalism career. You choose to run away and leave your own family who have treated you so kindly and gave you everything but apparently it wasn’t enough for a stuck up brat like you”. Her eyes burn as the tears continue to come down her face at the harsh words stabbing her entire body. Each burn and scar light on fire as the pain in her heart spreads. “I’m surprised you're not dead. You seem to love attention so much with your fake disorders. Your mother died already because of you. Might as well Join Her.” She chokes on her own tears and screams at the phone “It wasn’t my fault. It wasn’t me. She loved me. It was you. You hurt her. I didn’t”. She whispers “I would never hurt her.”

And then she'll get stuck and be scared Of the life that's inside her

The phone hangs up on her words. She looks at the blank wall in front of her. The world collapses around her in her mind as the oxygen depletes around her. Breathing suddenly becomes harder and harder every second. With the oxygen she has left she screams at the shadow condescending her and scolding her “IT WASN’T ME I DIDN'T DO IT”. The knife under the mattress screams at her. Daring her to live another minute. Willing her against everything that cares about her. She reaches her hand as the door opens. Her broken eyes burn into my soul. I look from her to the mattress that her hand is motioning for. I lift up the mattress and take the knife from under it. Neither of us utter a word as i put the knife on the dresser. She flinches from the slight sound and curls up in a corner. Almost like she doesn’t recognize me. As I get closer to her a faint whisper leaves her voice “go away”. I kneel beside her and look through her broken soul. “I can’t do that”. She glares “Why? Everyone else can so whats stopping you? Guilt?” Her eyes are accusing and hurt. “No I-” she cuts me off “ I don’t need you or your pity. I don’t need a fucking babysitter. There's nothing to pity so fucking leave.” She stands up “Or better yet. I will leave for you”. Before she can say something else I hug her. She collapses on the floor and into my arms as her tears wet my shirt. “I’m here”, and with the faintest whisper she says into my shirt “for how long”.

Getting stronger each day until it finally reminds her to fight just a little and bring back the fire in her eyes thats been gone but it used to be mine

June 2016

She looked at the face besides her. Peaceful, happy, content, and whole. She broke with the guilt of being a burden. She gets up softly not to wake the sleeping soul besides her and walks to the bathroom taking the knife off the dresser. The room around her spins and her hands covered in blood. The knife burns in her hand. The medicine numbs it. All she needed was the medicine. The medicine would fix her. The knife would only end her. Not fix her. And she needed to be fixed. For him. She needed to leave. Her father was right. She was a burden as long as she wasn’t getting better. She collected the bathroom necessities and quietly emptied out her side of the dresser. On her way out of the door she looked at baby blue and smiles with tears in her eyes. This was for the best. Before she completely left she made her way to the roof. Her favorite place. She walked to the edge and looked at the sunrise. “New beginning.” She smiles and turns to a disheveled William Gold. “Were you just going to leave? Without saying anything?”. My eyes were red with worry. Her stuff was gone and in a panic I ran up here to the one place I knew she could escape. “I’m sorry. But I have to go. It’s better this way.” I shake my head and look up at the pink sky “better for you or for me?”. She shakes her head and walks past me “I don’t want to burden you and something needs to change”. I look at her in disbelief “ you were never a burden. And I want you here, scars and all.” The words fly over her head. Her mind was already set. So I beg, “Let me help you, please”. She kisses my cheek one last time and turns to walk out of my life and out of our love. “Somethings just need to be fixed alone”.

She is messy but she's kind, She is lonely most of the time, She is all of this mixed up and baked in a beautiful pie, She is gone but she used to be mine

BACK TO PRESENT

Reminiscing made my stomach twist in knots. To ease my heartache I walk to the one place that always made me feel better, the Uncle Sam Hamburger Express. As I sit down my phone rings with a new trend on twitter. “She Used to Be Mine- Twitch streamer Wilbur Soot opens up about his past relationship with someone struggling with mental issues. Support from not only his own friends but from millions of fans with their own stories share their battle with mental illness and how he has individually helped all of them in his own way”. I smile softly as I see the love that these people share. I helped them and they helped each other. I look up from my phone to the waitress handed me an apple pie, a strawberry milkshake, and a sticky note with a smile on it. I look up to the waitress confused “excuse me miss I never ordered-” She nods her head towards the booth and I turn my head to see the eyes I haven’t seen in 5 years. The same eyes that my kitten hold. The Aria eyes. She comes up next to me and smiles “Hey Will”.

[dadstielkline]

guys this is actually castiel with the baby he and dean adopted a few months after dean and sam rescued cas from empty. his name is noah samuel winchester and they love him very much. miracle has already taken a liking to him and dean just knows his son and miracle will be best friends.

dean thought he would be the overly protective father but it turns out to be castiel who takes the role, going as far as to ward their son's nursery against demons and angels.

just fyi castiel was the one who proposed marriage as he's been making the first move since he took dean out of hell. really the only first moves he didn't made first was kissing & starting a sexual relationship with dean. dean was the one who made those moves after rescuing cas in the empty.

sam and eileen live in a house across from dean and cas. they still hunt from time to time but they're more focused on their families. the bunker has become something of a hunter hotel.

dean owns his own diner. sam was the one who suggested he could put his talent in the kitchen to good use and make a career out of it. they both run it together. though sam still dreams of being a lawyer so he's taking night classes to finish his law degree.

eileen and cas both became teachers. eileen teaches a high school mythology class and she loves it very much. castiel has become a college professor. he teaches a world religions class. dean thought it was funny. an angel teaching the class. former angel as cas reminds him.

dean and cas adopted another child, ellen mary winchester a few years after taking noah and that is enough for them. noah is very protective of little ellie as they call her and it warms dean's heart to know her big brother will always be looking after her.

claire asks dean to be her best man at her wedding to kaia and dean cries he's so proud. but it's nothing compared to the ugly tears from cas when claire asks him to walk her down the aisle.

eileen and sam have a son shortly after cas and dean adopt noah. they name him johnathan. they have 3 more boys after him. daniel, joey, and robbie, before finally a girl comes along. they name her deanna after her uncle dean who is so proud that he cries right there in the diner when sam tells him the name he chose.

jack visits sometimes. dean has told him that it's a requirement for him to be there for holidays. sam thinks it's crazy that dean is treating God like a child but castiel reminds him that jack IS a child. THEIR child. it doesn't matter how powerful he is. he'll always be that boy who sleeps with a teddy bear and eats cookie crunch cereal late at night.

dean doesn't die on a hunt. he dies from old age in his 90s and cas passes away soon after him. the two never did do well away from each other. and the same could be said for sam and eileen as well who pass away 2 years later.

of course they all share a heaven. jack has made it perfect so that everyone's heaven is connected and they can go on making new memories with their friends and family rather than just reliving the same memory over and over.

dean has no regrets looking back on his life now as once thought he would. he had an amazing life full of love, laughter, and happiness. he and sam both got to live their apple pie life in the end and it was perfect.

thank you for coming to my Ted Talk

[clairenatural]

look at you, strawberry blond

destiel, 1.8k. pining, fluff, growing up together, etc! minor character/parental death, vague mention of John’s A+ Parenting. based on the mitski song  (this is a repost because the first one got deleted)

I love everybody because I love you

Castiel first learns what love is when he’s eight years old and Gabriel, sixteen, is grumbling about driving an hour out of his way to find his girlfriend the rare chocolates she likes for Valentine’s day.

“Why?” he asks his older brother, and Gabriel sighs, melodramatic as always.

“That’s love, little bro. Remembering the little things and then putting in the time to make it happen.”

Cas thinks about when he told Dean his parents don’t let him eat candy. He thinks about how Dean has given him half his Kit Kat bar every day for the last year.

He thinks about the time he scraped his knee falling off the jungle gym and Dean spent the rest of recess picking dandelions to make him feel better. Yellow is his favorite color.

“Oh.”

“You’ll understand when you’re older, Cassie. Love is about sacrifice, and commitment--” he goes on, but by the time Michael cuts him off, yelling from his office that you’ve only been dating for two months, Gabriel, stop preaching to Castiel, Cas has already sprinted up the stairs to his bedroom.

A broken piggy bank, $1.50 in pocket change, and several pleas to Gabriel later, and Castiel tucks a king-sized Kit Kat into Dean’s valentine box.

 --------------------------------------

When you stood up, walked away, barefoot

It’s eight years later, one summer in high school, when Castiel realizes that there’s a difference between loving and being in love, and that he is, in fact, in love with his best friend.

He realizes this as he watches Dean walk away, sandals discarded and unnecessary in the soft grass, back to the picnic tables to get them both more fruit punch. It’s the annual junior class picnic, the official welcome to being upperclassmen, and the August sun casts a warm glow over Dean’s freckles, and Castiel knows.

Two seconds later, he watches Dean nearly get hit by an errant frisbee and completely forget his punch mission in lieu of playfully tackling its thrower, Benny Lafitte. He watches Lisa Braden, giggly and glowing and perfect as always, yelp as she’s almost caught in the crossfire, and Dean winks at her as he releases Benny.

He swallows thickly and turns his attention back to the patch of grass they’d been laying in, flattened where Dean had been just a few moments before. He wishes he hadn’t come to this particular realization.

And the grass where you lay left a bed in your shape I looked over it and I ached

--------------------------------------

I love everybody because I love you I don't need the city, and I don't need proof

Castiel goes to college in Chicago and pretends like the two-hour drive between them doesn’t mean anything. And it doesn’t, until Dean’s father gets a job back in Kansas halfway through his freshman year. Dean goes with him even though he’s an adult because the alternative is letting Sam deal with John alone, so Castiel spends most of that summer in Lawrence, dodging both his friends in the big city and his family back in Pontiac. He tells them all that he’s studying Kansas’ role in the Civil War, assisting in research back at the University, but he and Dean spend two months going on road trips with Sam.

His sophomore year John dies and Castiel flies back for the weekend, explaining his sudden departure as a family emergency and getting an extension on two papers. Dean holds his hand at the funeral but won’t look him in the eyes for two hours after, even as he refuses to leave Castiel’s side.

The boys move in with Bobby but that summer Dean shows up in Chicago, explanations lined up about not worrying about Sam anymore and wanting to see what about the city made Cas keep coming back. Castiel gets an internship and pretends like that was the plan all along. He quietly cancels his plane tickets to South Dakota.

All I need, darling, is a life in your shape I picture it, soft, and I ache

--------------------------------------

Reach out the car window, trying to hold the wind You tell me you love her; I give you a grin

Dean stays in Chicago. He moves into Castiel’s empty room when his original roommate moves out, he finds work at an auto shop, and he starts taking mechanic classes at a community college. Castiel isn’t sure why—he doesn’t want to ask. Afraid to look the gift horse in the mouth and risk having his happiness bitten off.

Then Dean starts talking about a girl. Then Castiel meets the girl, Cassie Robinson, and it all makes sense.  

He pretends it doesn’t sting every time Dean brings her up, that the way his face lights up doesn’t burn, that he doesn’t feel physically ill the first time he meets her.

By the time Dean tells him he’s in love, gushing about Cassie in a way eerily reminiscent of Gabriel twelve years earlier, it’s turned into a dull ache that Castiel has mostly contained in the back of his chest. They’re on their way to Cassie’s apartment, the first stop on their way to a cabin spring break of their junior year, and the ache is suddenly threatening to break through his ribcage.

But the sun is warm on his cheek, and the radio is playing a soft summer soundtrack, so Castiel allows Dean’s happiness to wash over him long enough to forget who—or, more importantly, who isn’t—causing it. He grins at his best friend before turning his gaze back out the passenger window of the Impala.

Oh all I ever wanted was a life in your shape So I follow the white lines, follow the white lines, Keep my eyes on the road as I ache

--------------------------------------

Look at you, strawberry blond

Dean and Cassie break up, and Dean drinks for a month, but Castiel getting into Stanford for grad school distracts him just long enough to go back to normal (a normal that does not involve thinking about how Dean nearly kissed him when they were both drunk the night he got his acceptance).

This new normal involves staring graduation in the face, and California beyond that, and moving out of his Chicago apartment somewhere in this middle, which also involves coming to terms with moving away from Dean.

Until Sam gets his own acceptance to Stanford a few months later. Then Dean starts sending him links to two-bedroom apartments, and using “we” when talking about the move, and looks just as confused as Castiel when he asks about it.

“Well, yeah. I mean, with you gone, and now Sam—You thought you were going by yourself?”

And even though Castiel vaguely thinks this is a bad idea, and living with his best friend who he’s been in love with for his entire memory had been hard enough for the two years they’d been doing it, he can’t say no. Because every time he gets up the nerve to say something Dean calls him over and shoves his laptop into Castiel’s face, talking about hiking trails and flower fields and front lawns and dogs, and that quells any doubt he had.

They move to Palo Alto, into a townhouse with a lawn and a communal garden. Dean adopts a golden retriever.

Fields rolling on, I love it when you call my name

--------------------------------------

Can you hear the bumblebees swarm? Watching your arm

Two months into Castiel’s first year of graduate school they have a picnic, taking advantage of the lingering warmth of the California fall. Sam is off in the field playing with Zeppelin, obviously having used the ‘come meet my brother’s dog’ excuse to invite the pretty blonde woman (Jess?) chasing the golden with him. Dean is rambling about Star Trek and Castiel is paying half attention, the majority of his focus on the reading in front of him because professors don’t consider picnics an extension-worthy excuse.

He’s just started to get invested when he hears a yelp and looks up to see Dean Winchester, his best friend, most trusted confidant and the possible love of his life, swatting a bumblebee. Cas gasps, reading forgotten, and lunges across the picnic blanket to grab Dean’s wrist. “Dean.” He chastises, and Dean gives him a look.

“It’s a bee, Cas.”

“It’s a bumblebee, which are essential—”

“To our ecosystem, yeah, but it’s pretty essential to me that it doesn’t sting me.”

“It won’t sting you if you don’t swat at it.”

“You didn’t see the look on it, man. It meant business.”

“Bees are attracted to sugar. You probably just smell good.”

Dean grins. “You calling me sweet, Cas?”

And, well, no. He isn’t. He’s talking about the empty pie tin next to Dean. But the words make him realize just how close they are, how far he’d moved into Dean’s space in his efforts to stop his hand, how the force of the movement had pushed Dean almost back onto his elbows.

He opens his mouth to respond the way he usually does to Dean’s cavalier flirting, but the words don’t leave his mouth—which is, somehow, he swears, closer to Dean’s than it was a second ago. Just as Castiel is preparing to push back, clear his throat, and add this moment onto a growing list of almost-but-not-quite moments stretching back years, Dean sucks in a breath and closes the gap.

Castiel reacts before his brain can fully comprehend what’s going on, bypassing any shock entirely and kissing Dean back immediately. He lets go of his wrist, instead bringing his hand to the side of Dean’s face, stroking his cheekbone with his thumb. Dean pushes himself back up and wraps an arm around Castiel’s waist, pulling him essentially into his lap, and then they’re kissing, and Dean smells like summer and tastes like apple pie, and Castiel suddenly understands more than ever why bees are always buzzing around him.

It feels like a lifetime until it’s over, until they’re just staring at each other and out of breath, both scared to say anything and break the magic they’d accidentally created. The silence is only broken by a shout from across the grass, followed shortly by a tennis ball that nearly misses them, followed by 65 pounds of golden retriever that does not miss them and nearly topples Castiel in his pursuit of the ball. And then Sam comes running after the dog, still shouting—apologies, this time—and then there’s Jess, laughing hysterically, and then Castiel has to scramble out of the way because Zeppelin has made a U-turn, interpreting the whole commotion as a game of keep-away.

Dean meets his eye above the chaos and grins, and the sunlight hits his dirty blonde hair, and it’s so breathtaking Castiel almost forgets to smile back.

I love it when you look my way.

[the-great-imagines-of-1812]

La Vie En Rose- Bucky Barnes x Rogers! reader

Summary: By some miracle, Bucky Barnes doesn’t fall of the train on that cold day in the Swiss alps in 1945. He spend the rest of his days with his girl; you.

Song Used: La Vie En Rose // (The Louis Armstrong version)

Hold me close and hold me fast The magic spell you cast 

You remember the day your Sergeant first set foot in New York City after 2 years of fighting overseas so vividly. Two pairs of arms clutched each of yours; Rebecca, Bucky’s sister, on one side and Winnifred, his mom, on the other. 

Dozens on regiments have reached the US several days before, but because both Bucky and Steve were stuck on one last mission, something in The Swiss Alps, as he had expressed in a letter, they were due on the second to last ship.

But now you were here. Two years of tears, nail-biting anxiety, and exchanging letters back and forth had finally come to an end, and soon both your boys were coming home. 

If it weren’t for the three of you standing near the back, you wouldn’t have seen the ship due to all the people crowding the Brooklyn harbor. Thousands of wives, sisters, brothers, families and best friends all crowded together on that day were there were no clouds in the sky. 

It seemed like some sort of sign. All the madness of war had finally reached it’s end; and now the sun was welcoming the country’s men home.

The magic spell you cast This is "La vie en rose"

You didn’t see Steve or Bucky at first. Rebecca clutched on to you, the poor girl almost breaking out into sobs as the three of you had been waiting nearly an hour since the boat had come into sight. 

Winnifred stood on the very tip of her heels, hand over her eyes, in an attempt to block out the sun so she could get a better look at the soldiers walking down the gangplank. 

The shriek she let out could’ve made you deaf if you didn’t realize what it was for. Helping Rebecca up from the ground where she had collapsed, you clasped a hand over you mouth as the last of the soldiers set foot on solid ground, Bucky and Steve among them. 

Rebecca sped away quickly, her body crashing onto her brother’s in a tight hug. Walking up to them yourself, with Winnifred close behind, you gave Steve a tap on the shoulder and he turned around with a smile.

“Stevie, look at you! You’re so tall now. You’ll have to reach the flour on the shelf for me now.” you smiled, while he wrapped you in a now- tight - hug. 

“I have absolutely no problem at all reaching the flour for-” he attempted to answer you, but was cut off by Bucky.

“What m’ I,  dollface, chopped liver?” He said from behind you. 

Turning around and practically jumping on him, he wrapped two arms around your back. He was warm and smelled like fresh pine. Tucking your head into his neck, you felted grounded and safe. 

Because he was home. 

“Let go of the sister, Buck. She does live with me, and we oughta to all go home to catch a rest.”

“Oh shove off Steve. She may be your sister, but she’s my girl and I missed her.”

When you kiss me, heaven sighs And though I close my eyes I see "La vie en rose"

The day that Bucky got down on one knee with his mom’s ring in hand was one you’ll remember for ever. 

It was a year after he had come home, and Steve had put him through the third degree (despite being his best friend) when he stood at the doorway of the small apartment that you and Steve shared with a small bunch of flowers.

You had come out a few minutes later, with a dusty green dress, hair curled to perfection and a red lip.

Steve had demanded that he bring you home by 9, how he couldn't  hurt you, the regular stuff he would say when Bucky came to take you out on a date. 

The stars seemed to shine for only you two that night. There was a soft jazz tune playing throughout the park. The pair of you had just gone to dinner, and couldn’t stop giggling, which earned you a few stares from the elderly people trying to enjoy a quiet night.

But he sat you down on a bench, grabbed both your hands gently, while he got down on one knee, probably delivering what was the most moving monologue you had ever heard in your life:

“Y/N M/N Rogers, love of my life, doll-”

You knew what was coming. Tears streamed down your face in happiness. “Buck I-”

“Just please hun- let me say what I gotta’ say. We’ve known each other for a very long time now. And ever since I can remember, Steve always threatened to punch me whenever I did so much as look at you.”

This earned a laugh from you.

“But somehow, we made it work, and the three of us ran around Hell’s Kitchen like the mighty trio we still are. Hiding under the watchful eye of Steve in our late teens and early twenty’s was not easy- but here we are. And before I left for England, I promised I was gonna marry ya. And I’m a man of my word.”

He let go of both your hands to dig for something in his pocket. After a few seconds, he pulled out a little red box.

“This ring belonged to my mom, and now it’s mine to use. I hope you’ll let me give it to you. You are the love of my life. I might not have much, but I sure love you with everything I have. Will you marry me?”

You practically jumped on him, and if he wasn’t on one knee and hadn’t managed to maintain balance, he would’ve fallen over. Peppering kisses all over his face while he wrapped his arms around you. 

“I’ll take this as a yes, doll?”

“You bet, Sergeant.”

“Now let me put this ring on you, hmm?”

When you press me to your heart I'm in a world apart

You became Mr. and Mrs. Barnes in the fall of that same year. It was a small wedding, so there wasn’t much planning.

It was held in one of Howard Stark’s many residences, an small estate in Albany, which he offered to have the wedding held, and even officiated himself, as he had been a close friend of yours since you had entered a career in science, and had helped Bucky and Steve overseas. 

There weren’t may people in attendance, but that was exactly what you and Bucky had wanted. There was Steve and your soon-to-be sister in law, Peggy (which you had gotten along fabulously with), Bucky’s mother and father and siblings, Howard himself (of course) and his girlfriend, Maria.

The golden rays of the sun shone through the high windows, light bouncing off practically everything in the room. You had previously saved up enough for a dress, and maybe Howard had given you a bonus in the past couple of weeks just so you could. He didn’t tell you that, of course.

As soon as you had been pronounced man and wife, Bucky swept you up in his arms, giving you a quick spin, dipping you, which got “Calm down you two rabbits-” from Howard. Maria slapped him after.

Celebration soon followed in the dining room of the home, with a home-made meal, courtesy of Winnifred, Rebecca, Peggy and Maria all together.

You couldn’t have been more thankful.

A world where roses bloom And when you speak, angels sing from above

The Barnes Family had been blessed with twins two years later, in 1948. One girl, and one boy; Rebecca Margaret Barnes and Robert Howard Barnes. They lit up both you and Bucky’s life, and you both became involved in a much more domestic life, now moving to the suburbs, but still remaining in the state of New York in order to be close to friends and family, which now included your new niece, Sarah Y/N Rogers. 

Howard and Maria had yet to have kids, but they were in no rush to get married, either. 

Every weekday Bucky would come home from work at the bank, were he was finally able to make the money he had been dreaming of his entire life, and your worked from home, making many blueprints for Stark Industries, which you were now the co-owner of, and spent some days at your office in the city while Maria had offered to babysit numerous times. 

Fridays Bucky would bring home soda-pop for the entire family, which was then followed by a big dinner made by you, and dancing in the living room with Bucky till’ midnight, when the kids were already in bed. 

Saturdays were for the Rogers, Barnes and Stark families to get together and have a picnic in the park you, Bucky, and Steve had grown up in. Maria always had the habit of bringing the watermelon, you the apple pie, and Peggy with her famous  English biscuits. 

Sundays, Winnifred practically dragged three families to church, much to everyone’s protest, but it was always followed by a plentiful Sunday dinner.

Nobody ever complained about that.

Everyday words seem to turn into love songs Give your heart and soul to me,

The years had passed, yet none of these traditions faltered, even when all the kids were of age to leave for their college education. 

Minus one Anthony ‘Tony’ Stark, who had been born in 1970. He was the youngest of the bunch. 

As Rebecca and Robert Jr. had moved off to college in New Jersey at the same time, you and Bucky moved back to the city, not to far from The Starks.

The only one tradition that never faltered was yours and Bucky’s dancing on Friday nights, where you often danced to the song form your wedding- “Dream A Little Dream of Me”

You would love and cherish the small things. You knew that then, you knew that now. 

To love and remember, because as long as you and Bucky had each other, you would always- what was the phrase the French used? oh, right.

You would always see La Vie en Rose.

[hanaseispeach]

Fathers of twins headcannons

Before you read: eeee I can’t believe this is my first hc that i’m writing after not writing anything for like 5 years!!! I hope I do okay in this piece. 

Request: Overhaul and Shigaraki as fathers of twins, and because of where the manga is currently, i am going to make this a quirkless AU 

* just a side note before I get into the headcannons, this will be a fem!reader only because I have not wrote for gender neutral so please understand that i am trying my best, hopefully in the next couple things I write will be GN or stated otherwise :) * 

TW: MENTIONS OF ABORTION & MENTIONS OF ABUSE (only in shigarakis though), AND SPOILER WARNINGS FOR SHIGARKI’S NAME AND IDENTIFICATION

-Overhaul (Chisaki Kai):

- first of all let’s take a look at him and Eri, this man HATED her. so you know what since this is an AU im just going to assume that he would be slightly more okay with having kids since there are no quirks for him to worry about

- I personally see kai as either a doctor or a health teacher, but no matter what you think his occupation is I know on thing for certain, this man loves you and his kids

- you and kai both agreed that you would have children you were all married and settled down with stable incomes but I also feel like if you were to get pregnant before getting settled down then yall would still love them both just as much

  - both of your children are named after traits that they portrayed when they were born. Akihito (meaning bright and compassionate) and Kenji (strong and healthy), with Akihito being born just 3 minuets before Kenji

- since they are twins they look the same and they take most of their looks from you, but as they get older kenji has more of kai’s personality and akihito has more of your personality

- since Kai has severe germaphobia, before he even thinks to change those kids’ diapers he put on the full mask and gloves, not the hazard suit because they are HIS kids

“Kai, sweetie can you change ‘hito’s diaper while I change kenji?”

and in comes kai fully decked out while you’re just deadpan

-when kenji and akihito get older, they both branch off into their own little worlds, so it get’s kind of difficult trying to play with one while the other wants to do something entirely different

-akihito is a total mommy’s boy and always want to play ‘princess and hero’ where he saves you from the bad guys (which he makes kai be, and he’ll do it only because he loves seeing his son so happy)

-Kenji wants to be just like his dad, saving peoples lives and caring for his family. kenji always wants to play doctor and he always looks to kai whenever he wants to play

“papa, can you teach me how to be a doctor. I want to be just like you”

- later that night after you guys tucked in the little ones, he cried while laying down in bed,

“kai, babe what’s wrong?” you ask, worried that he might be thinking about one of his patients again,

“kenji wants to be just like me, i’ve never been told that before.” he says, while trying to stop himself from producing even more tears.

- he somehow knows the difference between the twins from the get go, and not because of their personality traits, but very miniscule features of theirs.

- kenji has a little birthmark right on his wrist while akihito doesn’t

-whenever you’re at work and kai is home alone with the boys, he likes to color or play a combination of the two of their favorite games and when you come, you can either find them asleep on the floor or doing something and all of them are smiling and having a good time

-Tomura Shigaraki (Shimura Tenko):

- now this crusty mo musty gremlin

- he very much wanted as many kids as he wanted because he wants to give them the life that he couldn’t have

- since he was abused by his father, he fears that he may turn out like him so when you told him you were pregnant he was anxious

- when you told him that since the both of you were still kind of young, abortion was always an option but he quickly refused and told you how much he wants kids he’s just scared

- you reassured him that he was nothing like his father and his mood lightened 

- after going to the doctors and finding out you were pregnant with twins he became even more anxious, but you were still there for him

- when your kids kenzo & ami were born, tenko instantly fell in love.

-Kenzo, meaning humble and Ami, meaning second and beautiful, was just that. Kenzo was born first while Ami was born mere seconds after her brother.

- I personally see tenko as youtuber or a video game creator if he didn’t have a quirk, so he usually works from home so that means he spends a lot of time with his kids 

- he is definitely the type of dad to feed his kids candy or junk food for dinner when you’re not home OR he forgets to feed them all together until you remind him or they remind him

“Hey, did you feed the kids today while i was gon-”

you were not expecting to find him and your children eating a pie straight from the tin and this would be his defense,

“but it’s apple, you’re always telling us to eat more fruits”

yeah that day he got sent to the couch...

- since it’s cannon that tenko is very childish and acts like a child, he will get along with his babies so well but you swear you’re taking care of 3 kids instead of 2

- and since he has his child like tendencies, for example, your kids are very big on cuddling and you’re so comfy and warm that they just lay and cuddle into you and when tenko see’s this, he is jealous 

- he just looks over to you and just starts glaring at his kids and you

- sometimes if he’s really jealous, he’ll move his kids to lay on you

- going back to when you aren’t home, he is such a laid back dad,

“hey dad can i sit on your lap while you play your games?”

“sure, don’t move around though, you’ll distract me”

- ami is totally a daddy’s girl, she wants to play video games just like him

“Ami it’s time to do your homework’

“but daddy doesn’t do homework and i want to be just like him”

- now you make him do a addition sheet right next to her so she can do her work

- kenzo prefers to just silently play his own video games, he also wants to be like his daddy but he really means he likes video games

- both take your looks mostly and his personality and since they aren’t the same gender that means they’re fraternal twins

- taking care of 3 kids basically can be difficult, but since tenko himself is child like, he helps when it comes to entertaining and keeping them happy, and you couldn’t be happier

@vangooh-works

[janicho88]

Falling For You -Part 2

October

Pairing- Eventual Dean x Female!Reader,  Dean x Lisa(past),  Female!Reader x OMC Justin(past)

Word Count-4008

Warning- Mentions of cheating, little angst, some swearing, fluff. This is going to be a bit of a slow burn. Haunted woods.  Talk of trying to fake a pregnancy, manipulation, trying to steal from significant other/ falsify documents,  Lisa is awful, Justin isn’t much better, talk of being pressured into doing things you don’t want to.  I think that is it

A/N- I had an idea for a one shot, and giving a backstory to Dean and the Reader meeting took on a life of its own. This story is AU, and un beta’d.

Summary- After being burned before you had sworn off finding love for now. Coming home from work one night there is a strange man pounding on your door.  Neither of you knew what this meeting would lead to.

Series Masterlist

The next week kept you busy at work and not giving you much free time in the evening.  Coming or going you always kept an eye out for your new friend though, not seeing him again till the weekend.  Heading back to your apartment after your Saturday morning workout you ran into Dean coming out of his brother’s apartment. 

“Hi stranger, how is everything coming together for you?”

“Hey Y/N, it’s coming.  I found a job, starting a week from Monday.  Still looking for a place though, guess I’ll be crashing with Sam a little longer and putting my stuff in storage up here till I find something.  Work slow down for you yet?”

“Congrats on the new job!  No, not yet.  A family emergency came up, and our new person can’t start till next week.  At least there is a light at the end though.  I hate to run on you, but I’m supposed to be meeting Meg, and I really need a shower.  Talk to you later?”

“Sure, see ya around.”

With the wedding dress found it was time to find Bridesmaid dresses.  Hopefully this went a little better.  Her wedding colors were red, black and silver, you would be happier with a black dress, but Meg was thinking red.  The color of fire, this wedding was going to be hot she said. 

Thankfully you and the 2 bridesmaids Ruby and Sarah were on the same page about finding one and getting done.  None of you wanted to try on tons of dresses. Meg actually approving of the third one you found.  They were free to leave after that, you got to go help her set up a gift registry.  Your fingers were crossed these next six months until the April wedding went fairly quick. Done for the day, she suggested meeting up with Cas and his best man so you could finally meet him.

The guys were meeting you at a local pizza shop so you could grab dinner and talk.  Walking in with Meg you quickly saw Cas, and getting closer to the table, recognized the spiky sandy brown haired man across from him.  Sliding in next to Dean you mentioned how he never said anything about being the best man, when you said you were the maid of honor. 

“Sorry, I think my head was still on other topics then.” He answered you with a small smile

“Wait, you two already know each other?”  Cas questioned looking between you both.

“Yeah, I live across the hall from his brother, remember Cas?”

“I do now.”

“No one ever told me that you and Sam knew each other from Kansas though.”

“I guess we didn’t think about it.”

It was an enjoyable evening out with your friends.  You found out more about Dean’s new job, he found a small auto shop hiring a head mechanic.  The owner, Bobby, had done most of the work himself but was looking to cut back and possibly retire in a few years.  If Dean was still around then and interested he might sell the shop to him.  There was a part time mechanic working there also, Benny.  Dean seemed to think they would get along well.

Dean gave you a ride back so Meg could take Cas with her since they lived in the opposite direction as you two.  “I don’t think I told you last week, but I really like your car.”

“Thanks, Baby is my one true girl.”

“Baby?”

Patting the top of the dash Dean glanced over and smiled at you, “That’s her name.”

You just smiled back, “It’s very nice Dean, I hope the two of you will be very happy together. 

Closer to home Dean told you he was renting a car and leaving for Kansas tomorrow.  He would turn the car in there and drive a Uhaul back with Sam the following weekend.  Apparently his brother wasn’t the best driver and he didn’t trust him to drive that far with his car or the uhaul filled with his belongings.  Sam was flying home later in the week to meet up with him.  Giving him a quick hug outside your apartment door you wished him safe travels and good luck, telling him you would see him when he got back. 

Quickly entering your apartment and shutting the door, you were trying to figure out why you hugged him, and why you suddenly were overthinking it.  You were friends, friends hugged right?  No reason to give it a second thought.

Friday night there was a knock on your door, but you weren’t expecting anyone.  Opening it you were surprised to find Jess on the other side with a pizza box and a bottle of wine.

“Hey, I thought I’d see if you were up for some company.  Sam and Dean started the drive back this afternoon, so it’s just me over there.”

“Sure!  Come on in.”  The two of you spent the evening watching bad romance moves and talking about the brothers.  Jess had known Sam since they were in undergrad at Stanford, and had a few stories to tell you about both of them.  It was nice to learn a little more about Dean.  

When Jess had more wine in her she opened up about Dean’s breakup.  “I met the cheating bitch a few times and never cared for her.  She thought she was better than everyone, always pushing Dean to buy her things, jewelry and fancy clothes.  Apparently she started asking Dean some questions that he thought were weird but told himself she must have been taking an interest in things he liked for once.”

She paused to take a drink of wine. “When Dean was packing up after he kicked her out he discovered some stuff in his safe had been moved around, insurance papers, information on stocks he owns, and even his will was in a new place.  I guess he didn’t think much of it; he was too caught up in the cheating mess, till a lawyer's office called the house like a week later and left a message saying they needed to come in and sign the last paper.  Lisa had either made a copy of his signature or forged it and was trying to put things in her name and change his will for her to inherit even if they weren’t married.  He called Sam because he needed legal help to straighten the mess up and make sure she got nothing.  

Sam went down one weekend and helped him clean it up.  They were looking up something on Dean’s laptop and one of them typed in a wrong word or start of one and some crazy past searches came up.  They looked for more and found searches relating to Dean and what he owns, what his business was worth.  There was even a search on how to fake a pregnancy test.  Sam thinks she was going to try and trick Dean into marrying her if she couldn’t change the papers on her own.  She was stupid enough to use Dean’s computer.  His parents don’t know, he doesn’t want them too.”      

“The first night I met Dean I called him by his last name and he asked something about how I knew and if I looked him up.  I get why now.”

“Dean’s a lot more guarded now.”  She gave you a lot of information to take in, no wonder he wasn’t looking to date again.

The next afternoon a commotion in the hall drew your attention.  Opening the door you found Sam and Dean struggling with some boxes they were both carrying across the hall.  You asked if they needed help, but neither heard you over Sam complaining about Dean not knowing how to pack a box.  Dean was in turn instructing Sam to be careful with the valuables. Seeing you just before he turned inside Dean gave you a wink and said he would talk to you later.

A few hours later a knock at the door had you hoping for a green eyed man on the other side.  Opening it you had gotten your wish.  “Hey, I was heading out to grab some dinner.  Give Sam and Jess some time together, thought I’d see if you wanted to join me?”  

“I actually have lasagna in the oven, it should be done in 20.  Would you like to join me here?” 

Dean’s eyes lit up at the thought of a homemade meal and he readily accepted.  Entering your apartment he removed his coat and asked if he could help with anything.  Handing him the drink he asked for, you told him everything was all set.  Salad was made and the pasta and bread were in the oven.  You washed some dishes while waiting and Dean grabbed a towel to help dry.  The two of you working together easily and talking about Dean’s trip back to Kansas.  When dinner was ready you dished it up setting Dean’s infront of him.  You noticed he wasn’t a big fan of the salad though.

“This is great, my mom isn’t much of a cook so it’s simple meals or take out at their house.  Sam and Jess cook, but it’s not real food.  He gets these plant or veggie burgers, kale and some green shakes.  I need real meat and carbs.”

“Well, you are welcome to stop over here when it gets to be too much. I’m sure I could find something that would save you.”

“Thanks sweetheart, I may take you up on that.”

When you were both finished and everything was cleaned you invited Dean to stay and watch a movie.  It was to give Sam and Jess more time alone you told yourself.  Dean was just a friend, you were hanging out with. 

A short time later your oven timer went off again and you disappeared to pull out the desert you had made.  Grabbing some ice cream from the freezer and cutting into the hot treat you once again plated it up and took some to Dean warning him it was still hot.  You didn’t think Dean’s eyes could go any bigger than they did when you handed him the fresh baked apple pie.  Taking a giant bite his eyes almost rolled back in his head.

“This is incredible, one of the best I’ve ever had.  Trust me I’ve had a lot of pie.”

“I’m sure it’s not really that special, but thanks anyways.”  

“No, I’m serious. Love me some apple.”

“Fall is a good time for apples here.  I would love to go to the orchard some time and pick my own, or even just hang out there one day.  I’ve gone a few times as a kid, but I haven’t been in years.”

“You just want to go hang out with apple trees?”

“Not exactly, there is a lot to do this time of year. Apple picking, pumpkin patches, corn maze, hayrides and a store where they sell baked goods,  fresh produce and other things.  I just think it would be fun sometime.  Maybe next year, I’ll find someone to go with me.”

“Tell you what, you pick a weekend next year and I’ll go with you.  Speaking of weekends, do you have anything going on next Saturday?”

“Um, a baby shower for a friend in the early afternoon. Then catching up on some work around here, why?”

“One of Jess’ friends is having a big Halloween party, she invited me in hopes of getting Sam to lighten up about it.  He’s not a fan of Halloween.  Anyway she said I could bring a friend if you want to go.  It’s a costume party in some old barn.”

You thought about it for a minute.  Was he asking you out, neither of you were supposed to be looking to date right now. He did say bring a friend though.  “I think I can manage that, I’ll have to see if I have a costume.”

“Great! I think she said it starts at 8, there’s supposed to be some haunted woods too.  Not a corn maze, but it can still be fun.  I’ll let you know what time she wants to leave, you don’t care if we ride together right?”

“Nope, not at all.”  At least if you were with his brother and Jess it wasn’t a date.  Why were you so worried anyway?  Dean left a short time later and you cleaned up and got ready for bed. 

The new girl you were training, Anna was finally starting to catch on in her second week.  This meant you were able to get more of your work done, and not have to stay too late.  You needed to find a costume and a baby gift sometime before Saturday. Running into Jess in the hall one night, you asked if you needed to bring anything Saturday. There wasn’t anything, and she was  just happy that you were joining them. 

Since you had just over a week until Halloween many of the costumes were already picked over, you weren’t looking to meet up with anyone so you were also trying to avoid anything too revealing.  Plus it was outside in the evening, and temps were falling so you didn’t want to freeze either.  Finally finding something you deemed would work at the third store you tried.

Saturday came faster than you had hoped.  The shower went well, Kelly was so excited to meet her little boy in a few short months.  You couldn’t wait to spoil him!  Doing a quick grocery store run, you headed home to try and clean a little before you had to get ready.  When 7:30 rolled around you were ready for the knock on your door. 

Opening the door you bit back a laugh at the sight before you, “Howdy Sheriff.”

Dean shook his head sending you a fake smile, “This was one of the few adult costumes left.”

“That’s what you get for waiting till yesterday to get your outfit Dean,”  Sam rolled his eyes, also trying not to laugh at his brother’s attire. He and Jess were dressed as Sandy and Danny from Greece.  

“Yeah, yeah, yeah.  I had this awesome Batman costume, but it’s in one of the boxes in storage and couldn't find it.  Oh well, cowboys are awesome too.”

“Yeah, but Dean you're a toy cowboy,”  Sam wasn’t able to hide the smile that time.

He sent Sam a glare before turning back to you, “I’m still a cowboy and a sheriff, I can still protect the princess here.  All ready?”

“Yep, I’m good to go.”

You rode in the back with Jess, Dean pouting up front because Sam decided to take his own car instead of riding in Dean’s.  Jess was telling you Sam didn’t want to dress up at all, but she was able to talk him into Danny since it was his own clothes except for the leather jacket and just some hair dye and gel. 

Arriving at Jess’ friends you and Dean followed behind as they led the way to the barn.  They had definitely put a lot of work into the decorations.  There were pumpkins and jack-o’-lanterns everywhere.  Some real, some plastic and other scary Halloween creatures along with orange lights strung all around. 

 There was a dance floor with the DJ already playing and round tables and chairs set up around the floor and a buffet in the back.  

You had never been to a Halloween party this big before.  Jess introduced you and Dean to some of her friends who Sam already knew.  Dean grabbed the two of you drinks and you sat down at a table taking everything in.  This was a little more than you were expecting.  

Sam found you a short time later, Jess was ready to go through the haunted woods they had set up and wanted to know if you two wanted to join.

“I’m game.  How about you, Y/N? Sheriff Dean will protect you.”

“Who can turn that down?”  Scary things weren’t your favorite, but you had a feeling if you said no Dean wouldn’t have gone either and you didn’t want him to miss out.  Justin had hated how some things would scare you, and you wouldn’t want to do something.  According to him you would ruin his fun, you weren’t going to do that to Dean. If you were with the three of them it shouldn’t be too bad.  

Wrong, wrong, oh so wrong!  You were going to have nightmares for a month after that. Most of the actors scaring you had come from the front or side, so you had ended up in the back hiding behind Dean to avoid everyone.  Jess had turned around to say something to you when you noticed her eyes getting bigger.  Quickly turning around you were certain they could have heard your scream in Ohio.  There was a creepy looking person behind you wearing a mask with a white face, green teeth and red eyes holding a giant knife above your head.  You never heard him come up or had any idea he was following you. 

Hearing you scream Dean turned and pulled you close to his chest and then turned the two of you back around so you were no longer facing that character.  He kept you close until you were out of the woods.  When you went back to the barn he took you over to your seat before grabbing you some water.  Kneeling down in front of you, his green eyes carefully looking you over.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m great.”

“You want to try that again?  Especially since you are still shaking?

“I’m really sorry.  I’m not the biggest fan of scary things.  That really caught me off guard.”  

“Why didn’t you say anything?”

“I didn’t want to ruin it for anyone else.  I’ll be fine, really.”  

“Sweetheart, we need to work on your communication skills.  First that bar, now this.  If something is going to affect you like this, you gotta say something.”

“I’m okay, really.  Sorry to ruin it.”

“You didn’t ruin anything.  Sit here a minute I’ll be back.”  Dean walked off coming back a few minutes later with some food for both of you.  

Sitting next to Dean you stared at the plate he put in front of you before talking. 

 “Justin took me to Cedar Point one day with some friends of his, all other couples.  I’m terrified of heights and dropping too, he knew this beforehand.  I’m more of a spin me girl, as long as it’s not too far off the ground.  They were all excited about going on the biggest coaster there, I told them I would watch everyone’s stuff while they went.  This one takes your picture on the way down, one of the girls said if I wasn’t there some stranger would be in the picture with all of them.  Justin took me aside and said when I don’t participate in these things it makes him look bad and ruins his good time.  I should be a better girlfriend and do what he wants.”

“I would really like to introduce your ex to my fist.  If something is bothering you, I really want you to speak up, no matter what, okay.”

“Okay, thanks Dean.”

  When Sam and Jess caught back up to you, she pulled you out to the dance floor with her since her fiancé wasn’t interested.  The guys watched as the two of you enjoyed yourselves.

Arriving back at your apartment that night, Dean followed you in to make sure you were going to be alright.  You assured him you would be fine.  What you didn’t tell him was you were going to be sleeping with the lights on tonight.  He did a quick check of your apartment before going back across the hall.  

Halloween was the following Friday, Meg invited you over to her and Cas’ place to hang out while they handed out candy to the trick or treaters.  Cas had also invited Dean, Sam and Jess.  He must have told Dean you were coming because Dean offered to drive you over with them.

The phone in your pocket started going off snapping you out of your daydreams, “Hello.”

“Hey Y/N, are you still home?”

“Yeah, why what’s up Dean?”

“I’ve been knocking on your door for a few minutes now, everything okay?”

“Yeah,”  looking down you saw the time on your watch.  “I’m sorry I lost track of time. I was sitting on the patio and didn’t hear you.”  Rushing inside you locked the door behind you before quickly letting Dean in.  

“Sorry, let me grab these and I’m good to go.” Grabbing your Halloween sweatshirt and the two containers sitting on your counter you were headed back to the door.

“What’s in there?”

“Oh I got bored last night and made some Halloween sugar cookies and pumpkin cake bars with apple cider glaze for today.”

Dean just looked at you as you rode the elevator down to meet Sam and Jess, “What is that look for?”

“Well, are you going to give me one?”  You were a little lost and just stared back.  “Oh sorry, forgot the magic words, trick or treat.  May I have my treat now?” He asked, pointing to the containers.

“Oh sorry, sure, the bars are a little crumbly, but you can have a cookie now. 

He took a big bite of the orange pumpkin shaped cookie.  “It’s not your apple pie, but it’s very good, sweetheart.” 

The guys disappeared into the basement when you arrived, apparently there was some horror movie marathon on, you were just fine avoiding that.  You three ladies hung out in the living room so you would hear kids coming to the door, and watched the Halloweentown movies on TV.  Meg and Jess compared wedding notes and talked about their different frustrations.  Jess and Sam were getting married in July.

You were happy for your friends, but if you were being honest, also a little jealous.  They had found great guys, been with them for years, now they were getting ready to walk down the aisle to them.  You had thought by the time you were 27 you would be settling down too.  Instead you were swearing off dating right now.  Your Mr Right seems to have taken some wrong turns somewhere and wouldn’t ask for directions.  Apparently you zoned out from the conversation because both girls were looking at you.  “Sorry, what’s up?”

“I was saying I’m not sure I would be cut out for the matron of honor duties when you get married.  We all know I don’t have the patience.  You could have Jess, and we know Sam would be the best man, it would work out great.”

Yep, you definitely missed something. “Wait, when and who am I marrying, and why is Sam already the best man?”

“Really Y/N?”  Meg giving you her best bitch face, “when you and Dean get married.”

“You guys make such a great couple!  I’m so glad he found you!  Lisa was just awful to him from the start, and to cheat on him like that.”  

Lisa must be the reason he left Kansas, no one mentioned her name before.  “Guys we’re just friends, we aren’t a couple or even dating.  Neither one of us want to get back out there right now.”

“Y/N, you can’t let Justin ruin your chance at happiness, it’s been over four months now.  At some point you need to get back out there.  Deano is one of the good ones, you are going to regret it if you let him go.”

“Meg, Dean doesn’t want to date anyone either.  We really are just friends, just hanging out.”

When you walked away to hand out candy, Meg turned to Jess, “any idea how long those two are going to stay in denial about how they feel?”  Jess just shook her head as they both stared after you.

Part 3

Thank you for reading!

Tags- @talesmaniac89 @katehuntington @winchest09 @flamencodiva @whatareyousearchingfordean @waywardbeanie @deanwanddamons @smol-and-grumpy @emoryhemsworth @anathewierdo @malfoysqueen14 @superfanficnatural @jensengirl83 @atc74 @sandlee44 @akshi8278  @fantasydevil2002

Falling For You tags- @halesandy @abuavnee @hearteyes-j2 @vicmc624​ @440mxs-wife​ @wonder-cole​

[callsign-hummingbird]

A Kiss from Heaven

Summary: (Y/N) has grown to love Sam throughout all the time that she has known him. When Castiel breaks down the wall keeping Sam from his memories from Hell, she notices that something is wrong with him. One night, she tries to distract him from the memories. 

Pairing: Sam Winchester x fem!reader

Finishing washing the last dish, I put it in the rack and looked out the window. It looked like Dean was still working on his beloved baby, while Bobby sat in a chair and watched. He was nursing a beer in one hand and was looking at the newspaper in another hand. He was obviously looking for another hunt again. I turned around and picked up the towel laying on my left and started drying my hands. 

My eyes drifted over to the dinner table, where Sam chose to sit at. His eyes were closed, while his head fell forward, almost about to hit the table. He’s been up since this morning trying to study for what was happening with Cas. He was studying so hard that he was falling asleep. I sighed and put the towel. I made my way to the table and started shutting all the books that were open on the table. I stopped for a moment and let my eyes drift over to Sam again. His head was now on the table, while his arms rested beside him. He looked so peaceful as he slept. It was like as if all of his worries and fears that ever tormented him washed away and disappeared. Like they no longer were allowed to do so for as long as he was asleep. 

I walked a little more closer to him and stopped at the edge of his chair. My arm reached out and grazed the top of his head. My fingers making their way through a few strands of his hair, until I came to the end of one and pushed it behind his ear. He was so beautiful- every inch of him. I leaned forward so that our faces were level to each other. Leaning in, I placed one hand on the char taken by him and the other on the table, steadying myself. Lips found his forehead and lingered there for a moment. Slowly, I leaned back up and smiled. “I love you Samuel and you’ll never even know” I whispered in a hushed tone, careful not to wake him. 

I tiptoed back, so I would not wake him and turned to make my way into the living room. I should stop distracting myself and actually try to get some sleep tonight. As I walked through the halls and up the stairs to the room I was staying in, my thoughts went back to Sam. I remembered a few days ago when Cas put him in a coma like state. During that time, he was thrashing and moving around as if something was hurting him. I had to admit, it scared me more than it should have. Maybe that was because I have grown to love Sam more than I should have. I loved Dean like a brother and Bobby like a father, but my feelings to Same were way different. I had fallen for the clumsy moose and I wanted to be his happily ever after. Or as Dean puts it, his apple pie life. 

Thoughts of Sam rushed through my mind. His smile was wide and clear. The only actual time that I have seen Sam actually smile was when he got his soul back. It was so genuine and made me want to smile. Just thinking about the memory now was making my lips curl up into a smile. Another memory popped into my mind. This one took place when Cas zapped us back to the old west. I remember Dean was so happy that he would actually get to experience such an event, but when he got there, it wasn’t as he pictured it. I remember that he made Sam dress up as a cowboy and he made me dress up as a saloon girl. That definitely killed my vibe. Especially when I was the prettiest saloon girl there. I laughed to myself about that one.. That had to be the craziest memory that I had of us three. 

I was in the room now, so I grabbed a blanket and changed into a comfy pair of pajama bottoms. I had a weird feeling that I should sleep in the living room tonight. Call it a hunch, but usually when I had those weird feelings, they usually were right. I started down the stairs and down the hallway again, going back to the living room. Good thing Bobby and Dean were still outside or else I would have to deal with all the sounds that they made at night. This is why I chose a different room to sleep in, because of those idjits. I sat on one of the recliners and pushed the handle on the side to tilt it back. Setting my blanket the way that I wanted it, I closed my eyes and feel asleep. 

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I opened my eyes and heard sounds coming from the kitchen. I felt so groggy, that it took me a minute to actually figure out it it was was coming from the kitchen or not. With my legs, I pressed the recliner bed back in, took off my blanket and got up. As I started making my way to the kitchen, I hear someone whining a little and a few grunts here and there. I called out, but no one answered. Yawning, I made my way into the kitchen to where the sound was coming from. 

My eyes adjusted to the scene around me and stopped at the table again. There was a big man in a chair, who had his head on the table. He was the one making all those noises. My brain started slowly adjusting just like my eyes and it clicked. The man in the chair was Sam. I sprang to action and made my way over to him. The scene unfolding in front of me invited flashbacks of the night Castiel put him in that coma like state. I started tapping him on his big shoulder. “Sam” I started. He did not respond and kept grunting. I tried tapping him again. “Sam!” I said even louder. There was still no response from the big Viking in front of me. I sighed and sat down on the chair that was closest to him. Picking up his hand, I started rubbing little circles with my thumb. “You’re going to be alright. You always are” I said trying to comfort him. At this point, I think that I was comforting myself more than I was him. 

A few minutes went by with him still captured in the nightmare that he was having. It was getting worse by the second and now he was acting as if he were getting choked from some unknown force. I let his had go a long time ago because I was scared and did not know what to do. I wish that Dean and Bobby didn’t stay out so long so they could help me. My knees were held up against my body as I watched the man I love go through this. Tears started making their way down my face.  “ Come on Sammy. Please wake up!” I kept shouting in my head, as I continued to watch him. 

Suddenly, after a while of such a terrifying event, he jolted awake. I quickly wiped my tears away and stood up, ready to comfort him any way that I could. The big giant turned his head frantically, looking like he was trying to make sense of everything around him. He stopped and looked at me. “(Y/N)?” He questioned, looking like a deer caught in headlights. I tried to smile, but it came out as more of a grimace. “Hey Sammy. I heard you struggling there for a moment.” This response caused him to look down at the ground. I could tell that something was bothering him, but just how much was he willing to tell me? 

He sighed and looked back up at me. “Yeah, I was uh... I was... I was struggling hard” he let out. Tears started cascading down his beautiful face. He closed his eyes for a moment and looked away. This made me sad, so I kneeled down in front of him. I wrapped my arms around his big frame and brought him as close as I could to me. I wanted to shield him from whatever he was going through. He didn’t deserve this. 

New tears started making their way down my face, replacing the old ones. “It’s okay Sammy, I’m hear and I’m never letting go” I said as I rested my chin on the top of his head. A shaking and broken man was in my arms and all I could do was hold him. This thought shattered my heart. He wrapped his arms around me and moved his head to the crook of my neck. “I can’t do this anymore.” It came out more as a whisper than anything else. I placed my hands on each side of his jaw bone and brought his face up to mine. I looked into his watery, sea green eyes. “Yes you can” I said, trying to smile. This in turn made him smile and close his eyes. A shaky breath left his body. His hands came down to my waist as his head started leaning to the side and in. In what felt like an eternity, his lips finally were on mine. They tasted like water, but I didn’t care. I had to let Sam know that I was here to help him. 

My hands slid up from his jaw bones up to the top of his head and into the thick locks of his hair. I wanted him to know how much I loved him. I needed him to know that I loved him. Pressing my lips closer to him, I could feel him smiling into the kiss. He pulled away and kissed me on the forehead. As his lips lingered, I took my hands out of his hair and placed them on  his chest, steadying myself. We stayed like thought for a little while, until I looked up and made contact with his beautiful eyes again. He smiled at me. “You game me a peace of Heaven tonight. More than I have ever had in a while.” I leaned in and captured his lips in another, chaste kiss again. I pulled away and placed my forehead on his. “Thankyou.” he whispered. I smiled. “You’re welcome Sammy.”

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A/N: Requests are open! Tell me what you thought and if you ever need to talk or get to know me, just hit me up! Love you all and you are amazing!

[percywinchester27]

A lot like ‘Us’ (Part-17)

Word count: 5.3K

Pairing: Sam X Reader AU

Warnings: ANGST, miscarriage, accident, graphic descriptions of blood, detailed/spoilery warnings in the tags.

Series Summary: Y/N Y/L/N is eager and honestly, still in awe that she managed to get herself an acceptance from Stanford Law School. On the face of it, her life seems as put together, mysterious and independent as one might hope for. On the insides, she carries the burden of past that haunts her till date. Seemingly, she’d left it all behind; that is until she sets foot in the class of the Law School’s youngest, most promising professor.

A/N: Here it is guys, finally. I know most of you already know what’s going to happen but please please heed the warnings. If you have triggers please check the tags, I’ll put in everything I can think of including the spoilery warnings. I had a hard time writing this, so here’s to hoping I managed to convey the emotions.

The story employs two different timelines. The present timeline for the story takes place in 2014. Please let me know what you guys think :)

Beta: @deanssweetheart23. You da best <3

A lot like ‘Us’ masterlist

24th April 2009

“I’ll be fine, really,” you said on the phone. “It’s only seven.”

On the other end Jo sighed. “Y/N, it’s starting to rain again, and it’s getting really dark outside.”

“Weird that it’s already raining in April,” you murmured. “I’m just around the bend of Clinton lake.”

“Why did you even leave the house?”

It was Sam’s birthday in just a little over a week. You really wanted to get him something. Sitting at home wasn’t giving you any ideas, so you had decided to go around to the other side of the big lake and try your luck at the engraving shop there. It had worked and you ended up placing an order for an engraved pen. It was a simple black fountain pen, part of which was made in obsidian, so your message could be engraved. Even if Sam used it regularly, it was supposed to be very durable and you were extremely pleased. You were also particularly proud of the quote you had picked. It wasn’t romantic in any way, but you had heard Sam read it out to you from your favourite book many times in that lovely voice of his.

You hoped Sam would carry the pen to work. Things were hard for him in New York right now, living by himself. He wouldn’t tell you if he ever had troubles at work, but you knew enough of the profession to know that it was ruthless, and sometimes hard. You couldn’t be there with him to tell him that things would be alright. Maybe if he looked down at the pen, the quote would remind him of that.

“Y/N? A storm’s about to hit that side, ” Jo fretted, slightly frustrated on the line. “Are you listening?”

“Yes,” you said, peering into the horizon just beyond the lake, beyond the pitter patter on the glass. It really was getting dark. “I’ll be home in a few minutes. In fact, I’ll come over directly to your place. I think Dean could use another apple pie.”

“No!” Jo shouted. “You go to your house.”

“Oh-kay.” Not suspicious at all. “What’re you not telling me?”

“Nothing!” 

Jo’s voice was too high to be believable. Either way, it wasn’t the best idea to stay out any longer. 

“I’m parked at a shoulder,” you told her. “I’m gonna hang up on you so I can get back on the road.

“Okay. Drive carefully.”

“See ya in fifteen,” you grinned as you cut the call on her vague protests. She really did want you to not visit her. Maybe she was throwing you that surprise baby shower afterall. 

“Looks like you and I have to pretend to be surprised, Chirp,” you muttered. 

Slowly, you reversed the car and eased it back onto the road, thinking about how cold it seemed to suddenly feel. Maybe you should turn the heat up further. 

It came out of nowhere. The blow. One minute you were sliding the car onto the road, next minute you were sinking, drowning, the shock not even letting you register what had happened. There was a bright, blinding yellow light- straight in your eyes at first, from a direction it shouldn’t have been coming from. The confusion just spiraled when the road which should have been beneath you was over your head, and then you were spinning out of control. You closed your eyes, unable to understand what was happening till the water hit. Then you started thrashing, trying to get the seat belt to loosen, to get yourself out of the vehicle, but even with all the whipping around, you couldn’t free yourself. The water rose higher and higher in the darkness as you struggled to strain your neck to rise above it… until you couldn’t.

Seconds… then your throat was hurting. No- it was burning. The world was turning upside down and you were in a torrent of water. Frantically, you tried to unbuckle yourself, but your swollen middle made it hard. That thought cleared your head more than anything else and you doubled, tripled your efforts to get out, finally managing to free yourself of the seat belt and open the door. For all your effort, it wasn’t soon enough because the van rolled in the dark water and hit something, plummeting you to the side, against what could only be jagged metal and pieces of glass.

You wanted more than anything to just go to sleep now. Maybe then the cold will seize and so would the sting. Everything was stinging. The cold water was biting into your skin like a thousand knives and the cold was so cold it burned, it set you on fire. But the shards, they were a different kind of ripping, tearing- outside on your skin and… inside.

No. You opened your eyes, and with every last ounce of strength, made your limbs move. There was pain. You knew it deep down that you were in a lot of pain, though right now you couldn’t feel anything beyond the haze in your brain and the ice under your skin. The burning in the throat was dulling, but you used it to remain conscious, to propel yourself up, because there was something infinitely more important in this world than your life. You had to force yourself to swim to protect that thing. 

The ripping once more and a stab… It was gut wrenching to keep pushing the water down with your hands, the consciousness was slipping again. Another convulsive spasm from the inside now… to the point where you felt something other than the cold… you felt it, you felt the pain, primal and devastating inside of you. The blackness overwhelmed you.

Something was patting your face and then something soft was on your lips. Soft and warm. 

“Jesus Christ,” a voice hissed, desperate, then shouted away from you, “She’s not responding! Jesus!”

“Stop with that, you moron,” another scared, deeper voice in the distance yelled. “Get the water out.”

“I-I can’t… I can’t roll her over on the stomach. She’s… she’s… Fuck.”

“Press her chest. We’ve got to do something till the ambulance comes. Slap her face again.”

pat pat pat.

The rain was thudding hard around you, hitting your face like arrows.

“Fuck, I can’t,” the first voice answered. “Her lips are blue and all this blood. Shit!”

“She’s not even shivering.” The other deep voice cursed. “Move aside, you idiot.” A different set of hands replaced the ones on you.

Pumps on your chest and then something on her lips again.

The first man, far away now, was shouting. “She’s gonna die… she’s gonna die… and they’ll think we did it. That bastard drove off and you- you had to stop driving.”

The voice near you growled in frustration. “Oh, fuck off!” He said urgently in your ears. “C’mon dammit! Keep fighting.” The pumping continued, but you didn’t fight to live. You knew it in your frozen bones that the reason you had been fighting for was gone. It was in the blood seeping from your middle, the blood rapidly staining your already drenched pants. It was in the glass and metal sticking out of your body. It was in the unbearable pain and the bone crushing cold, it was in the scared and defeated voices over you… he was gone. 

Pump. Pump. Pump.

“C’mon! Fight!”

You fought, yes. But not to live. You fought to go under, to never resurface ever again. What was the point? 

“Check her wallet,” the man over you commanded. “She’s married. See if you can get a hold of the husband.”

Sam.

“I can feel a beat. Fuck. Thank God.”

The tensed, shrill voice yelled from far away. “I think I hear the ambulance.”

“You hear that?” The voice, soft now commanded. “Stay with me!”

You heard it… you heard the siren… farther and then closer. The pain felt sharper now, agonising like hellfire burning in your veins. More voices, more pain… and then nothing.

***************************

26th April 2008

“Sam?”

“Sam, seriously. If you stop responding, I’ll slap an answer out of you. I swear I will.”

He looked up at the girl standing over him. Jo was scowling down at him, her voice high pitched and reedy.

“You need to eat something.”

He said nothing.

She grabbed him by the shoulder, fingers digging into the muscle. “Are you even listening to me?” Jo might have tried to shake him, he didn’t notice it. “Mom’s sent some food.”

“I’m not leaving her.” 

Jo’s body relaxed just a bit at his response. At least she had gotten one. He felt her take a seat next to him, without letting go of his shoulder. 

“You’re not helping her by starving yourself,” she said. “You think Y/N would want you to torture yourself like this?”

“I wouldn’t know what Y/N would want now, would I?” His voice sounded muted, dead, even to his own ears.

She sighed. “There’s nothing you could’ve done. The baby… Y/N…. you couldn’t have done anything.”

There’s nothing you could’ve done.

They were only words. His brother had said them, and Jo and Ellen; so many times that they had lost meaning to Sam now. Not that they had ever held any to begin with.

“Why’re you doing this to me, Jo?” He asked flatly, without even the intention of an inflection.

She took a deep breath. “Because Dean’s losing it, Sam. He’s fucking losing it seeing you like this. I’ve never seen him look this… this…” Her hands flailed in the air. “Crazed! He’s blaming himself for everything.”

For the first time, he turned to look at her and actually see her. Jo’s hair was coming out of the plait that she hadn’t combed out of for almost two days. Her face was grimy and blotched. Her eyes were red and nose shiny. She looked on the verge of tears still.

“It’s not Dean’s fault.” 

“It’s not yours either,” she yelled, exasperated,

“I should have been with her! Maybe then she wouldn’t have gone out.”

“It was a perfectly good day to drive. She was barely even out of town and it wasn’t her fault that a trailer doing ninety miles decided to make a bend on the wrong side of the road.”

Sam flinched.

The hand on his shoulder slid down and wrapped around his waist. “It was a freak accident. I know you’re hurting, Sam. I have to be blind to not see what this is doing to you, but think about what you’ll do to Y/N if she sees you like this.”

“I thought I lost her, too,” Sam whispered. “The way she looked.” A shudder ran through his body and Jo threw her other arm around him, as if to protect him, as if she could shield him from what had passed and what was to come. 

Sam had stayed with Y/N as long as they would let him. However, no one was allowed in the ICU, so he was forced to remain in the waiting area outside. Be that as it might, no one had been able to move him from here since that wretched phone call.

It felt like eons ago- Sam had paced the living room in their home impatiently, waiting for Y/N to come back from wherever she had driven to. Jo had arranged for a surprise baby shower, and to add to it, Sam had flown in a day early. It was a wonder to see her look of sheer joy each time Y/N found him home! He had spent the hour fixing that one odd joint in the crib, and then another trying to get the rainbow mural stuck on the wall opposite to the crib. Y/N would be so proud. He had been congratulating himself when the shrill ring of the phone interrupted his reverie. The phone call that had changed everything. 

“Y/N’s tough, Sam,” Jo whispered in his ears. “You heard the doctor, right? He said no one that far gone had managed to pull through all in one piece. She had a cardiac arrest from the hypothermia and she’s still with us.” Jo rubbed soothing circles into his back. “Shhh… it’ll be alright. She’s tougher than she looks, that one.”

“I don’t know how to tell her… how to face her.” Only when Sam’s voice broke did he realise that he was already crying. “I can’t see her in pain, Jo. It will kill me.”

“No, it won’t. You need to let others in. Let people help you first, so you can be there for her tomorrow. If you let yourself go to pieces, who’s she gonna turn to?”

Sam simply shook his head as the tears overwhelmed him. He knew he couldn’t stay weak, couldn’t afford to be fragile… especially not now.

Someone cleared their throat and Jo pulled back to reveal the nurse standing in the hallway. “Mrs. Winchester just regained consciousness.”

************

“Y/N, Darling.”

Sam’s voice. The only sound that could mean anything.

“You said she was awake,” he spoke, voice sounding farther.

“She is…” said another doubtful voice. A woman’s voice. “At least she was.”

“Y/N, sweetheart, can you hear me?”

His voice was dim and strained. You didn’t need to open your eyes to see the expression on his face.

“Doctor,” he said, frantic now. “What’s wrong with her?”

Cool hand pressed against your wrist, then another lightly prodded at your eyelid, trying to pry them open. You turned your head to the side, not willing to look.

There was a sharp intake of breath. “Darling?”

“Mr. Winchester, could I please request you step outside while I examine her?”

There was a pause, then the door opened and closed. 

“Mrs. Winchester, my name’s Richard Hawke and I’m your doctor. Could you please turn your head this way?”

You did. 

Against your hazy vision, much couldn’t be made out about Dr. Hawke except his kind eyes. “How’re you feeling? Is there any pain?”

You shook your head. Physically, you only felt numb. Your throat felt scorched, but that pain was welcoming. You needed it to feel something.

“Do you remember what happened?”

One dip your head.

Dr. Hawke looked at you for a long moment. “You’ve been through one hell of a trauma, Mrs. Winchester. It’s a miracle that you survived.” He gave you a compassionate smile.

You knew what his words really meant. ‘Be grateful that, at least, you survived.’

He studied the file he was holding, then said. “We had to perform a surgery when they brought you in. Thankfully, there are no fractures, just deep lacerations on your stomach, back and chest. To let you heal from the surgery and for the stitches to hold, we had to keep you under sedation for over a day and half.”

Dr. Hawke waited for you to give a sign that you understood, when he didn’t get one, he continued. “You need complete bed rest for a couple of days. That means no moving around or even standing for too long. If you’re in pain, please immediately call for the nurse.” His voice softened. “Do you want me to send your husband in?”

You looked him right in the eyes and very deliberately shook your head. 

He nodded and you closed your eyes, not wanting to see a world where your baby would never exist.

***************************

30th April 2008

“Y/N, do you want to take a walk?” Jo asked, trying to make her voice bright. “The doctor said you need to move around a bit, sweetie.”

“C’mon, sweetheart,” Dean added, in the same tone. “There’s actually sun outside today. No more gloomy, rainy weather.”

Sam felt himself stiffen and Dean shot him a wary glance. No one had mentioned rain in front of her. Their careful exchange was lost on Y/N though, just like everything else had been up until now. For all they knew, she hadn’t heard a word of the conversation. Her gaze was fixed, unseeing on the blinders of the window, through which some of the sunlight that Dean was talking about trickled in. The expression on her face was blank, exactly how it had been since she had first opened her eyes.

No one had told Y/N that she had lost the baby… she had already known. Not that she had told anyone that she knew. Hell, she hadn’t spoken a word in the four days since gaining consciousness. But it was just there, in that hollow look, like a blackhole. Each time Sam looked at her, the pit in his stomach would grow deeper, threatening to swallow him whole. His heart, which felt heavy in his chest beat frantically like its beats were numbered. It scared Sam… it made him feel as if the cataclysmic loss wasn’t behind him, rather it was in front, drawing close with every second that Y/N didn’t speak, didn’t look at him.

Forcefully, Sam shook his head, dislodging the thought. He got to his feet and walked over to the window Y/N had been looking towards. Slowly drawing the blinds away from the glass, he let the sunlight flood the room. He turned around to see Y/N closing her eyes. 

Over her Dean and Jo exchanged a distraught look, then looked at him. Their expression made Sam realise that he hadn’t been meant to see their exchange.

“Okay, rest up, then,” Dean said, in a low, kind voice. He bent down to kiss Y/N on her forehead. “We’ll be waiting outside.”

Jo ran her fingers through Y/N’s hair, then with one dejected sigh, followed Dean out of the room. It didn’t miss Sam’s attention that his brother gripped her hand tightly on their way out.

Sam took his place on the steel chair next to Y/N’s bed and reached out to take her hand. She didn’t shirk it away like she had for the first two days. Now, it lay there, dead, without any movement. Sam might as well have been holding the hand of a marble statue. Cold and hard. The doctor had said not to touch her skin at first… that it might be painful for her after the hypothermic attack, but even after they were sure that it might have passed, Y/N had recoiled from his touch and it had hurt like the lash of a flaming whip against his raw, exposed skin- her rejection. It had been the only visible reaction she had shown to his presence or even his words at first.

Sam had tried, he knew that much. He had tried with every ounce of his soul to put on a smile and call out to her. He had dried his eyes of the last drop of moisture, rid his expression of the last spasm of pain and smoothened it into a smile for her. If it was the only thing he could do now- bury his pain- he would do it for her. He would do it all. If only he knew that he was getting through to Y/N, if only she would spare him just one glance. When he forced himself in the way of her gaze, she would simply look through him. He could touch her and he could kiss her, but it was showing love to only her inanimate body, not his Y/N. She didn’t seem to be in there.

Bile rose to his mouth each time he skimmed his fingers along her cheek, and not even her eyes blinked. The heat didn’t rise to her cheeks. Nothing happened. 

Now, Sam sat next to her, reading out loud, “… Jem finally realized that he had been done in by the oldest lawyer’s trick on record. He waited a respectful distance from the front steps, watched Atticus leave the house and walk toward town. When Atticus was out of earshot Jem yelled after him: “I thought I wanted to be a lawyer but I ain’t so sure now!””

He stopped when the nurse came in with a bowl of soup and placed it on the table next to her bed. “Here’s some soup for you, honey.” 

“Thank you,” Sam murmured, placing the copy of To kill a mockingbird on the table.

“You’re welcome,” she said in a pleasant voice, giving Sam a pitying look before exiting the room.

“C’mon, love,” Sam coaxed, helping her into a sitting position. He settled besides her with the bowl in his hand, dipped the spoon into the thick soup and brought the spoon to Y/N’s bruised lips. She didn’t resist as he tipped it into her mouth. She never resisted anything. Sam wished with a yearning that was acute to the point of pain that she would just raise her eyes and look at him. Look and actually see.

His hopeless longing had led him to tilt the spoon sideways and a line of soup dribbled along her chin. Sam hurried to wipe it off with the folded sleeve of his shirt. “I’m so sorry.”

Y/N hadn’t even noticed. 

Slowly, she finished the soup, one spoon at a time. 

“That’s my girl,” Sam encouraged, cleaning the last of it from her lips, and raising a glass of water. 

“Do you want to go out?” He asked, trying and failing to keep the despair out of his voice. This time, however, Y/N shook her head and hope, even more painful than the yearning, roared through Sam’s chest. She sometimes reacted to his words, something she never did for anyone else. And that was the one string he had clung to…. one golden string of faith.

“Later, then?” It was there in his voice, too… that same hope.

Slowly she nodded, then turned her head away and closed her eyes again. Sam knew she wanted to be by herself.

He almost bent down to peck her on the forehead, that unsettling fear of impending loss, urging him to do it… but then he thought better of it and stepped outside. When Y/N was ready, she would come out herself. She had said so… she would have to. 

In the strangest way, without even having known her, Sam missed his mother. He knew that if she had been around now, he would have hidden his face in her lap and allowed himself to cry to his heart’s content. He loved Karen, and she loved him, too… but it was different with her. She felt like his favourite aunt. Dean had called both Bobby and her to let them know what had happened. They wanted to come over immediately, but one look at Sam’s face had made Dean decline their offer. Sam didn’t think he could pretend to be alright for any more people than he already had to. 

Everyone else could afford to show weakness. In fact, they did. Jo had broken down more than once right in front of Y/N, and Dean could clench his fists and grind his teeth in frustration about how unfair this was. Ellen was so defeated, she could hardly even be around Y/N without crying. Sam, however, couldn’t show a flicker of what he truly felt. It didn’t look like she registered most of what was happening around her… but on the off chance that she did, Sam would die a hundred deaths before let her see what the grief was doing to him.

He slowly walked to the seating outside, crumpling on the bench at the corner. How was any of this happening? What deity could have been so cruel as to hurt the purest person to ever breathe? Sam had never gotten over how infinitely good Y/N was. For as long as he had known her, she’d never said one mean thing about anyone. Never. He knew he wouldn’t ever stop marvelling at her goodness. He would marvel as long as he loved her… as long as he lived. And yet, if something this horrifying could happen to her? What hope did the rest of the world have? 

There must be no God, Sam decided. There must be no higher power that weighs good and bad in the world, that takes one look at a person and decides how much suffering or happiness they deserved. Because no such entity would be so callous, so stone-hearted to sentence Y/N to this! 

A heavy hand fell on his shoulder and Sam felt his brother drop into the seat besides him. 

“How’s she doing?”

Sam shrugged. “Much the same.”

“Did Bobby ever tell you that I didn’t talk until I was six?”

Sam turned to his brother with what must have been a look of shock. 

Dean’s eyes tightened, as he stared straight ahead. “He didn’t? I could swear the old man loved to tell that one.”

“I didn’t know.”

Dean tilted his head. “Well, I didn’t talk for two years after the fire. Honestly, I don’t remember it all that much, but death and trauma does that to a person, I’ve been told.”

“She doesn’t even know the extent of it, Dean,” He gasped, his heart doing that thing again where every breath seemed to labour it. 

“Will you love her less for it?”

Sam whipped his head, angry. “Of course not,” he spat. “Nothing would make me love her less!”

Dean sighed tiredly and Sam realised that it had been a rhetorical question. Sam put his face in his hands, speaking into his palms. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to yell. It’s just that something feels essentially broken inside her. And I don’t know how to fix it… fix her. It makes me feel helpless.”

“You’re not a frickin’ miracle man, Sam! And there isn’t a magical solution for this. Sometimes you have to let grief run its course.”

Dean was making sense, Sam knew that… but he also knew Y/N. Better than anyone alive. He was sure of it… the blankness behind her glassy eyes wasn’t the type that complied with sense or logic. It was a feeling in his gut that he couldn’t explain- not even to Dean, that there was something terribly wrong with her. That it wasn’t simply grief holding her vacant, it was something incomprehensibly beyond that.

“I know you want to be there for her,” Dean said, quieter now. “I know you’re worried, but you’re grieving, too, man. You lost your kid.” His voice broke. “That’s not something you can sweep under the rug.”

Sam bit back the ‘watch me.’ 

He felt too tired, too weary and too scared. 

“How am I going to tell her?” He whispered, staring at the floor in horror. “How am I ever going to tell her that she can’t be a mother again? That they had to remove parts of her body because they were too damaged, crushed? She’ll lose it, Dean. You don’t know how much she loved Ch- Ch… “ He choked up… The name just wouldn’t come out. “It was her dream to have her own family.”

She’d whispered it at night, in a awed, hushed voice, under soft sheets about how she had never really had a family. Just Gran and her- two souls shouldering the burden of memories of people they would never see again. Is that what Y/N would think when she found out? That she and Sam would become two such souls?

“She’s coming home tomorrow, right?” Dean said. “We’ll do everything we can to make it okay. With time…”

Even now, with his brother’s hand on his shoulders and his words in the air, Sam knew that this was not the type of grief he would ever get over. No amount of time could bury the dreams and expectations of the little life they had both yearned for. Sam knew that someday it might get easier to bear, even if it seemed impossible right now. However, it would never truly go away. 

With a fierce resolution, he vowed to love Y/N twice as hard! He would do whatever it took to get that smile back on her face, the light back in her eyes. He knew it in the depth of his being that if they were going to make it through this, he had to figure out a way to get her back first.

What Sam didn’t know was that he wouldn’t get the chance. What he didn’t see was the slight figure, standing at the far corner, behind the door, fingers clutching the frame till the knuckles strained. If he had turned, Sam would have known that Y/N had listened to him after all. She had come out for a walk… seen him slumped over in agony and heard his words of anguish. 

She had heard other things in the short nineteen years of her life. Whispers had followed her everywhere since her parents had died in the car crash. Awful words…

“… Her parents didn’t even live to see her sixth birthday…”

“… It starts before that. I heard she wasn’t even three months old when poor Gertrude’s husband passed away…”

“… Girl’s a jinx if I saw any… No survivors… ”

Sam had heard some of it at her Gran’s funeral, and it had boiled his blood. But he hadn’t dreamed, hadn’t estimated for how long Y/N had heard them, how word by word, piece by piece the rumours had lodged themselves in her mind. They had been lost in the recent bout of happiness, but very much there, waiting to cut her open the moment she tripped. She’d never spoken of them to him, afraid that she might really jinx her luck… terrified, in fact. Now she knew that you couldn’t jinx what you didn’t have.

“…How am I ever going to tell her that she can’t be a mother again.,.”

Sam didn’t see her turn around. For now he let his brother hold him, feel some of the grief ebb away from him into the vastness of his brother’s love. Sure, Sam didn’t have a mother, and he might miss the idea of having her, but he hadn’t ever missed that unconditional love. Dean was there, always had been and always would be.

Sam would need his brother more than ever tomorrow, when in the ten minutes that it took him to park his car in front of the entrance, the private room where his wife had stayed would be deserted. He would shout her name till his throat was sore, and lose his mind trying to look for her. There would be a missing person report filed which would soon be disposed off, because CCTV grab from the Hospital cameras would show her walking out by herself with the bag that they had brought for her. It had some of her clothes, her wallet recovered after the accident with her identity proofs. There was nothing left behind, not the book, not the brush, not even a note. She had left willingly and without a word.

They wouldn’t believe it, though… He, Dean, Jo and Ellen would all get into their cars and drive for a day and a half, checking all hotels, bus stops, gathering spots, showing her picture to see if anyone recognised her and despairing when no one did. Sam would push himself into a craze over finding his wife, the closest he would come to insanity.

When two days later- having driven almost across two states into Texas- Sam would return home, he’d find the gift delivered to him on the correct date- 2nd May. An etched, black obsidian fountain pen, wrapped in fine silk; the note over it proudly proclaiming: “With undying love- Y/N Winchester.”

The etched inscription on the pen would be seared into his soul:

It’s not time to worry yet - Atticus Finch

Sam didn’t know any of it. For now, he was simply allowing himself to be comforted by his big brother. Surely finding some peace again wouldn’t be that impossible, right? Surely this agony would have to end sooner or later. Everything seemed possible in Dean’s arms. 

***************************

A/N 2: Not gonna lie, this chapter was VERY hard to write. I rewrote it twice and edited it thrice. I can only hope that I did justice to their pain and suffering. This is the first time I’ve ever written something so irreversible in a series… and boy, was it painful!

Anyway, we can finally return to happier times! Next chapter takes us back to a very hungover Y/N! Who’s excited?

I’ll try to post the chapter early. You guys can brush up on Part 12 for hints and clues about what is coming ;)

The feedback is literally what’s keeping this story going right now. My immense thanks to all you lovely people who take the time out to be SO kind to me. I love you <3

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[supernaturalwritingbunker]

Apple Pie Life-Dean Winchester

Summary: Dean is finally living the life he’s always dreamed of. He has a wonderful wife, a baby and a great job...But was that the truth?

Warnings: Fluff, Slight Angst, Paranormal Influence, Language, Daddy!Dean.

Pairing: Dean x Reader

Words: 2370

Tag List: @elskinner45​ @you-a-southpaw-doll​ 

A/N: First Story on This Blog! I hope you all enjoy! To be tagged in Dean One shots, Message me, comment or submit an ask!

Dean’s P.O.V. ~ 2010, Lawrence, Kansas

Humming the words to Simple Man by Lynyrd Skynyrd, I slowly climb out of Baby, my 1967 Chevy Impala, passed down to me from my dad when I got married to Y/N four years ago, after we’d been dating and engaged for a little over a year. Mom and dad were so happy when I finally settled down. Sammy had been off at Stanford for a couple years, and getting close with his own girl, Jess, when I met Y/N.

She and I had hit it off the moment she walked into my mechanic shop, trying her best not to freak out about the fact that her car had pretty much just died on her. Since it was a newer car, a 2003 Honda Civic, I wasn’t entirely sure I’d know what to do to fix it. My specialty lies in fixing up classic cars, always has been, ever since I was old enough to help my dad work on Baby.

At the time Y/N walked into my shop, I’d only recently been learning how to work on the newer style cars. Despite my hesitancy at being able to fix her car, the look on her face, the distraught, the panic...it just tugged at something inside me, and I knew I’d do whatever it took to fix her car for her. 

Only, I wasn’t able to. The car was beyond repair. Even my adopted Uncle Bobby couldn’t fix it, and he can fix almost anything. So, after he and I towed Y/N’s car to his salvage yard, and I made it back to my shop, I offered Y/N a ride to wherever it was she needed to go in town. It was a quick trip to the diner to get her some to-go food before I dropped her off at one of the town’s motels.

That was when I learned she was new in town. That she had just moved here from a small town in the New England area. Just before she got out of the Impala, since Dad let me drive it today, I gave Y/N my number and told her to give me a call tomorrow, and I’d take her up to Uncle Bobby’s salvage yard and see if we could find her a new car that would actually work. 

It didn’t take long after finding her a new car, a 69 Dodge Charger, that Uncle Bobby had on the back part of his lot, that Y/N and I started dating. Six months after we got together, I popped the question, to which she said yes, and not even six months after that, a year to the day we met, Y/N and got married in a small, intimate ceremony. 

She and I moved into this cute little, 4 bedroom, 2 bath farmhouse with a yard big enough for our two Golden Retrievers, Zep and Cash, and our bluetick hound, Lenny. We wanted a place big enough for if our family, well mom, dad, Sammy and Jess, came over and stayed the night or something. And, we also wanted it to be big enough for when we started to grow our own family.

When we first moved in, there wasn’t a fence around our yard, but after a weekend and some help from dad and Uncle Bobby, I had one up, and could let the dogs run around freely. As I close the driver’s door, and step away from Baby, Lenny comes running over from his spot on the porch, and jumps up, putting his front paws against my chest.

I laugh as I pet him. “Hi, boy! I missed you too!”

He barks happily, his tail wagging. I chuckle and gently push him off me and keep walking to the porch. Lenny bounds along behind me, happy that I’m home. I pet his head again before opening the front door, kicking my boots off, and stepping inside.

“Honey? I’m home!” I call, setting my keys on the hook by the door.

“In the kitchen!” I hear my wife call out.

I smile to myself. My wife. After four years of being married, the thought of being married to Y/N still has me grinning like a fool. I pad across the hardwood floor in my grey socks, making my way to the kitchen. Pausing in the doorway, and leaning against the frame, I tuck my hands in my pockets and smile even more at the sight in front of me.

Y/N dances in the kitchen, our little girl, MaryJo in her arms, as she sings our song and bakes something. My stomach growls as the smell of an apple pie in the oven wafts across the room to me. I smile and push myself up off the door frame before walking over to my little family. I place a kiss on Y/N’s cheek, making her jump a little but giggle as she smiles up at me. 

“How was work, sweetie?” She asks, moving MaryJo slightly.

I smile as I lean down to kiss our four month old daughter’s head, earning a giggle in response. I lean against the counter, and look at my beautiful wife, taking in the sight of her in my shirt. 

“It was good. Extra slow so I was just fixing a car from Bobby’s salvage yard.” I say, grinning.

She giggles. “Is that why you look like you went four rounds with an oil bucket and it won?”

I laugh and look down at my oil stained t-shirt. “I suppose so, baby. You know those old things are covered in so much dirt, grime, and Chuck knows what else.”

She giggles. “That’s fair. Mine definitely was.”

“Mmm. She was. But she’s all clean, and running smoothly now!”

“Thanks to my amazing husband.” She whispers, leaning up to kiss me softly.

I grin as she pulls away. “Mm. Your amazing husband? Hmm. He sounds like a pretty cool dude.”

“Oh, he is! And he’s a sweetheart and an even better father.”

I smile. “Yeah?”

“Oh yeah! See, our daughter, she just loves him to pieces, and has him wrapped around her finger.”

Chuckling, I sneak a glance down at MaryJo, and wink when I see her staring up at me with an adorable, gum-filled smile. She squeals and wiggles in her mama’s arms, making her laugh softly and rub her cheek with my thumb.

“Well, it’s a good thing her daddy loves her to pieces too.” I say, looking back at my wife.

Y/N giggles and nods. I smile and watch her cook. 

“How was your day? You girls do anything fun?” I ask.

“Oh, definitely! Let’s see...we napped...mommy did some work while MaryJo napped again after lunch. Um...oh, she got a bath. Then we snuggled and watched Ice Age. After another nap for Princess, and more work for mommy, we decided to bake a pie for when daddy got home.”

I smile. “Sounds like an amazing day! Work’s still letting you work from home? Not still pressuring you to get back to the office?”

Y/N smiles and shakes her head. “Nope! Luckily I can still do whatever I need to from the house. Although, I have to go in one day next week, to turn in the case files I have here and pick up some new ones.”

“Sounds like a plan, baby. Let me know, and I’ll take the day off from the shop, and stay home with our Princess here.”

She smiles up at me. “Maybe Wednesday?”

“Sounds good to me, baby.” I smile, leaning down to kiss her head. “I’m gonna go get cleaned up and come help you finish cooking, yeah?”

“Go get cleaned up, but don’t worry about helping. Dinner’s almost done. And it’s a surprise.”

I chuckle. “Yes, ma’am!”

I give her another gentle kiss before bending down and kissing my little girl’s head, getting another giggle as I do. I smile and make my way out of the kitchen as the front door opens, causing me to look up. 

“Sammy? What are you doing here, brother? I thought you weren’t due to come into town for another couple weeks.” I say, confused, as my younger brother steps inside, looking a little panicked.

“Dean!” He exclaims, rushing over to me, and pulling me into his arms. “C’mon, man. We gotta get you outta here!”

I push him back a little, even more confused. “What do you mean, Sam? I just got home? And Y/N’s cooking dinner.”

“Y/N’s here? Dean! It’s a trap. It’s not real!”

I glare at my brother. “My wife and daughter are real, Sam! They’re just as real as you and I! And so is mom, dad, and Jess!”

Sam sighs. “Dean. Mom died when you were 4. Jess died while I was still at Stanford, right after dad went missing. That’s why I got back into hunting. And, dad...Dean, sold his soul to Yellow Eyes to save you after the car wreck. You know this. Now, c’mon. We gotta get you outta here before the Djinn comes back.”

I stare at my brother like he’s grown a second head.

Suddenly, everything goes black for a second as I blink and when I open my eyes again, I’m no longer in the farmhouse with Y/N and my daughter. Instead, I’m in an old warehouse, leaning against Sam.

“Sam?” I croak out, my throat dry.

“I’ve got you, Dean. Don’t worry. We’re gonna get you outta here. We gotta hurry. The Djinn’s gonna come back soon though.” My brother replies, holding me up.

At the sound of a growl, he and I both look. A Djinn comes running at us. I pull away from Sam, knowing that neither of us will be able to properly fight with my leaning against him. It doesn’t take long for us to destroy the Djinn, even with my weakened, still slightly drugged state. Sam helps me back to the Impala.

For once, I don’t oppose and argue as Sam holds his hand out for the keys. I toss them to him and slide into the passenger side of Baby. Sam gets in and cranks the engine.

“Burgers before we go back to the hotel?” Sam asks.

“No.” I mumble.

“No? Dean? Are you okay? Passing up a burger.”

“No. I need to see Y/N first. I have to tell her something.”

Sam nods. “Alright. Well, she’s at the motel room, waiting. So, we’ll get burgers and go back there.”

I nod and look out the window. Everything that happened while I was in the dream state from the Djinn’s poison floats through my head. And, I want something that every Hunter wants but rarely gets. A family. A shot at a normal life. And, I want it with Y/N. Even though I’ve been denying myself that for the last first years since I came across her on a hunt, I still want it.

And after that dream, the one that felt like reality, I want it even more. There’s no more denying, no more hiding, no more lying about the way I feel about Y/N. And I have to tell her. By the time Sam makes it back to the motel room, I’ve scarfed down one of the four burgers he got for me, and start feeling like myself again.

The moment he parks Baby, I’m out of the car and rushing into the motel. I bust into the room so quickly that Y/N nearly falls off the bed from jumping sky high. Hurrying over to her, I help her get steady on the bed again as I kneel in front of her. Taking her hands in mine, I look up at her.

“I’ve tried denying it. Tried hiding it. Tried lying about it. But I can’t do it anymore.” I start.

She looks at me confused. “Dean? What’s going on? Are you ok?”

I nod. “I will be. I just gotta tell you something.”

“Okay?”

I take a deep breath. “I love you, Y/N. And, I know this life, being a Hunter, ain’t exactly the easiest one to live when you love something. But, something happened and I realized I couldn’t fight it anymore. I had to tell you. Had to at least try. I love you. And, I want a shot at normal, or at least as normal as we can get. You. Me. A kid. Or four. I don’t care. I just want you. By my side. I got a brief taste of it, even if it wasn’t real and I crave it.”

Y/N’s eyes go wide and she opens and closes her mouth a few times. “You...you love me? THE Dean Winchester loves me?”

I nod, not taking my eyes off her as I swallow deeply. “I do. And I want the Apple Pie Life with you, Y/N.”

 Before I can get another word out, to tell her that it’s okay if she doesn’t want to say it now, or ever, she pulls her hands from mine and cups my cheeks and leans forward, pressing her lips to mine. I smile into the kiss and lean up towards her a little more, deepening it just a little, putting all of  my no longer hidden or denied love into it. 

As we kiss, something I’ve never felt before, a shock of purely happy energy courses through my body. When we slowly pull back, she rests her forehead against mine, keeping her hands on my cheeks.

“It’s ‘bout damn time you said that, Winchester. Only took you four years.” She whispers. “I was beginning to give up on ever hearing you say that, and the chance for me to say it back.”

“Say it back?” I whisper.

She giggles. “Such a bull-headed man sometimes, Winchester. Yes. Say it back. I love you too.”

I grin from ear to ear and kiss her again. Pie has always been my favorite thing in life, and I want the Apple Pie Life. I need it. And, I need the Apple Pie Life with Y/N.

[yetanotherreader]

Pain, so much pain

[spn finale spoilers]

i'm in pain. in so much pain, it's crazy. i did not expect that ending at all. it's so hard to accept that this era has come to an end, and like this. this was the most unexpected thing to happen, to see sam carrying on without dean for the rest of his life. his "apple pie life" which wasn't half as beautiful as before because unlike the hard, monster filled life of pain, this one was without his brother. sam and dean lived only for each other. dean died giving sam what dean wanted the most, for him to live a life that was normal. sam gave dean what dean wanted the most too. the pain is excruciating. i can't believe the people i held onto in my darkest moments bid me a goodbye like this. i can't bring myself to accept this and am just somehow hoping for a miracle to happen and a finale be shot again. but unfortunately, it won't.

my life, personally, has been anything but normal. of course not as crazy as the winchesters but yeah haha. i've got a fucked up mental health and even more fucked up family. i haven't really got friends, and the people i met online who want to be there for me, i can't bring myself to talk to them about what i go through. so sam and dean have been the people i held onto, for a long long time. past few months were especially hard, and the past few days took a few hard turns for me. and it now feels harder to know that the people who were "there for me" aren't there anymore. and not only because the show has ended. it's funny how someone who doesn't even exist can have such a deep impact on your life. dean has been so special for me, it's hard to bring into words. he was my comfort person. a person i related to a lot. maybe the only character i actually did relate to. to see him going without even having the chance to live, after struggling all through his life took away a little hope from me, but again like he would say carry on.

Dean deserved better and Sam deserved better. They deserved all the happiness the world has to offer. They still do. What made me happy is that they actually are together, maybe not in this world but the other. But the possibility of what all they could have, what all they deserved just makes a little space in my heart which is hard to fill. They are always going to be permanent parts of my heart.

I know it's been so hard for everyone, but I guess this family we made here is together and will always be. Dean and Sam are alive for us and will be. Dean did not die an untimely death here, in this fandom he's living happily with Sam. Dean married (Y/N is you're a dean girl) and Sam married (Y/N if you're a sam girl). Every day starts with Sam forcing Dean to exercise while Miracle play around happily and it ends with Dean eating a big slice of pie while Sam shakes his head, sometimes annoyed and sometimes happily. They spoil their girls everyday. Sometimes they all sit together as the boys tell you about the hunts they've been on. Dean bragging about his heroism and Sam doing the same sometimes. It isn't until midnight when they're alone with their wives that they opened up about the struggles they faced. A few tears and a lot of kisses, you make love until his pain is replaced with pleasure. And just like that, a new day starts and their lives carry on.

I'm still not sure when I'll be active again, like I said it's been really hard lately. My career, my family and even myself. Nothing seems to go right. I'm surrounded by a lot of toxic and abusive people and now of course, now that my favorite people have gone, it's gonna be even harder. I guess I'll have to read a few fics to finally feel Dean alive again. So do suggest me if there are some fix-it fics. And please talk about your experiences too, I know it's hard on all of us. I love you, always keep fighting. 🦚

[supernaturallyobsessedchic]

Save Him

Warning: A total rewrite of Carry on because…well…it’s shit. And maybe not from start to finish, the beginning half of the episode was good. No other warnings, just a feel good fic to help cope with the end of SPN.

Pairing: Dean x Reader

A/N: Events are after the fight with the vampires.

Word Count: 1,369

Mobile Masterlist

Summary: Sam and Dean go on one last hunt. But just before the older Winchester can accept his fate, his little brother fights for him one last time.

(My opinion, the acting was awesome. Jared and Jensen deserve all the Oscars after that performance. Just, story-wise, it’s shit. Too fast and rushed. And out of character, Sam didn’t even call 911, or put an attempt into saving Dean. They just accepted ‘fate’. After they said they’re better together, and worthless apart. Dean saying, he sees him retiring from the life in Season 13, and actually seeming like he was looking forward to it. Sure, it’s the only way to end the show, but too soon. Dean deserved more, and Sam’s kids deserve an uncle. The boys deserve to grow a family of their own. But that is just my opinion, Jensen and Jared will forever be my favorites.)

~

“It’s okay,” Dean says. Fighting off the pain as best as he could. “It’s okay, it’s good.”

“It’s good.” He says, smiling.

“No Dean, this is not good.” Sam argues. Clearly upset and freaking out his older brother is dying and there’s nothing he can do about it.

Unless…

“Jack!” he calls out, pacing the barn.

“Sam, don’t.” Dean groans. “He said he was hands off.”

“Jack if you can hear me, save him. You owe us that much!”

Moments later Jack appears in the barn.

“Jack, save him.”

“Of course, Sam. You don’t have to ask me twice.” Jack says. Snapping his fingers. Snapping the boys back to the bunker, Dean fully healed. Miracle running over to them, greeting them with licks and tail wags.

“But I thought—”

“I owed you guys that much. For all the things I’ve done to you, Mary. I just wanted to not only make it up to you guys, but to give you a proper chance at life.” Jack explains.

Dean stood there, speechless and taken aback by Jack’s reasoning. He was still wanting their forgiveness, and he did it by bringing Dean back to life.

“A proper chance?” Dean asked.

“I got Cas out of the Empty and we’re working on making a world just for monsters. So, this world can be free of them. No more monsters, no more hunting.” Jack says.

“That’s amazing Jack, thank you.” Sam says.

“Yeah, that’s awesome.”

Jack smiles on his family. “Anything for my family.” And vanishes.

“So,” Sam goes. “What now?”

“Now, we start living.”

 5 years later…

After 5 years of leaving the bunker and living the apple pie life. Sam, managed to get back together with Eileen, and have been married to her for two years. Sam working at a law firm agency, having gone back to law school, and graduated recently with honors.

Dean’s story. Dean always liked working around cars, he liked working with his hands. Dean tried his hand at school, wanting to open up his own garage. Not being a fan of being bossed around and such, following in Bobby’s footsteps. Opening a garage, scrap yard, fixing up cars, reselling them. Restoring them. At Winchester’s Restorations.

It wasn’t until a few years later, after his garage has been opened, and the Winchester’s are living comfortably in their apple pie life, he had a visit he didn’t know he was waiting for his whole life.

It was a stormy night, his garage normally closes around 8pm, later than most garages in Lawrence Kansas.

A car pulls up to his garage, sounding god awful. The engine making a noise even he didn’t like the sounds of it.

Hurrying outside, he urged the driver to shut off her car. She does so.

Grabbing her things, she gets out of her car.

“My car has been making this noise all day today, and just as I’m driving home from work the check engine light came on.” She explained. “Now, I know you do restorations, but what about just, regular like, garage stuff like fix up cars like mine.” She asked.

“I know what you mean, and yes, I do that stuff too. Let’s get you squared away so I can do it tomorrow.” Dean says with a smile.

They hurry inside to get out of the rain.

Dean grabbed the correct paperwork, having her fill out her information of her car and her contact information and the problem. And handing it back to him.

“Alright, I’ll start on it first thing tomorrow.” He tells her.

“Thank you so much.”

“It’s not a problem.” He says with a smile. “Do you have a ride home miss?”

“Um, no I don’t. I’m new to Lawrence.” She says.

“It’s totally fine, I have no problem giving you a ride, if you like.” Dean offered.

“I don’t know you.”

“Just thought I’d offer.” Dean says.

“My name is y/n. I’m from Nebraska, and I’m a writer.” She says.

“Dean Winchester, I’m was born and raised here.”

She nods. As the two get to know each other.

Dean happily gave her the ride, she accepted happily given the storm not lighting up.

As Dean sat outside her house, while she gathered her things and got ready to head in.

“I really enjoyed your company Dean, maybe you should call me some time.” She offers.

“I’ll take you up on that offer sweetheart. See you soon.” Dean smiles.

She smiles back, as she exits the impala, she’s taking a number of times looking back at Dean. She shuts the car door behind her, running inside so as to not get soaked by the rain.

Dean keeps an eye out to make sure she is in the house, safe and sound before driving off.

Only to make a turn seeing the road flooded. Turning around he tries another route to getting out of the neighborhood, getting the same road.

It had been raining all day that day, and well into the evening. It’s no surprise if the creeks and rivers have gone over their banks, or even the storm drains having a hard time keeping up with the rainfall. So, he drives back to her place.

Rings her doorbell. She opens the door after a few beats. Dressed in her more comfortable clothes, sweats, oversized t-shirt and a pair of big warm socks.

“Problem?” she asks, when she sees him.

“Roads are flooded, kind of trapped here.” He says sheepishly.

“It’s not a problem, come on in.” she offers

She had popped in a couple of frozen pizza’s in the oven while Dean got himself comfortable.

She headed up to her guest bedroom, where she had spare clothes stashed away. From number ex-boyfriends who have forgotten most of their clothes. She grabbed Dean a pair of sweats and a comfy t-shirt.

She heads back downstairs to offer Dean the clothes.

“I have some clothes, hope they fit.” She offers.

“I’m sure it’ll be fine, thanks sweetheart.” He says, taking the clothes.

“Bathroom is down this hall here on the left.” She points out.

Dean makes his way to the bathroom, getting out of his work clothes and into the comfy clothes offered to him.

The beeping of the oven going off as he exits the bathroom.

“Hope you don’t mind, I heated up some pizza.”

“It’s okay, I am starving, thanks for offering.”

She smiles, offering him a styrofoam plate of pizza.

 Dean spent the night that night, and every night since then.

After that night, they bonded over stories. She learned of the places he’s been, she knows he’s keeping a major part of his life secret. But maybe it is for the best that she doesn’t know the hell he has been through.

 As the years went on, Sam and Dean having families of their own. Sam had his son, who he named after his brother Dean. And Dean having him kids of his own, two boys, twins and a girl. Kevin, Jack and Charlie.

Monsters really were a thing of the past. But the people over the years up to this point, the people Sam and Dean have saved, made stories. Like heroes to legends.

They lived their life, happy and to the fullest.

Sam and Dean died of old age in their homes, surrounded by family and those they love.

 Up in heaven, where Bobby sat on the porch of Harvell’s Roadhouse and waited for the boys to enter heaven.

“It’s about time you boys showed up.”

“Bobby?” Dean asks.

“What memory is this?” Sam asks.

“This ain’t a memory. You’re not living in your golden years anymore. Rufus just lives about half mile that way. You’re parents there.” Bobby pointed out.

“Wait, mom and dad are here?” Sam asked. Bobby nods.

Sam taking off, Dean following him.

They catch a glimpse Dean’s Impala, with his old Kansas plates, KAZ 2Y5. Dean excited he sees his old baby again.

“Let’s go see our family.” Sam says. Dean smiles, agreeing.

Dean turning the key in the ignition of the impala, roaring the engine to life.

The radio playing Carry on Wayward Son by Kansas.

“God, I love this song.” Dean sighs.

“Same.” Sam says.

~

Dean Tag List:

@luci-in-trenchcoats​, @supernatural-jackles​, @becs-bunker​, @mlovesstories​, @winchesters-favorite-girl​, @winchest09​,

~

Copying and reposting someone else’s content is plagiarism and illegal. This work is property of supernaturallyobsessedchic. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. These works contain material protected under International and Federal Copyright Laws and Treaties. Any unauthorized reprint or use of this material is prohibited. No part of these works may be reproduced in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system without express written permission from the author / publisher. An electronic reference link to the original posted work may be provided for purposes of promotion or assistance of publication by the readers discretion, if proper credits are given to the author in the re-post. 12/2/2020

[msmarvelouswinchester]

Love In Sin

Chapter 4

Summary - Special Agent Winchester is forced to go undercover with his frenemy Special Agent L/N when they try to track down a notorious drug dealer. How will Y/N and Dean complete their task? Will their relationship worsen or will new feelings emerge between them?

Pairing - AU Detective!Dean Winchester x Reader

Series Warning - Angst, Slow burn, Fluff, Implied Smut, Mentions of crime and drug, Swearing.

Chapter Warning - Slow Burn and a teeny tiny bit of angst.

Word Count - 2.5k+

Square Filled - Diner Food ( @spndeanbingo )

A/N - Beta'd by the lovely @deanwanddamons

Spn divider by the talented @talesmaniac89

Series Masterlist

My Masterlist

“How's the preparation for the party going?” Dean asked as he poked his head into the room where you were sitting on the floor, a mass of utter destruction around you.

“Woah sweetheart, it looks like you fought a war. What the hell happened?” Dean asked.

“I am exhausted, cranky and I am tired of putting up these damn streamers,” your hair was a mess, you were beyond tired and you needed coffee in your system. And you were also hungry.

“You should have called me. Y/N/N, let me help you,” Dean said and took a bunch of streamers in his hands.

“No Winchester, leave those. You have already helped me enough during unpacking. I should be able to put up a little decorations in the house. I am a special Agent for fucks sake.”

“Now I get it. Come on,” Dean said and pulled you up onto your feet.

“Where? Dean, we have the party tomorrow and I have so much to do! Ugh, who tells you to arrange a party the day after you move into a house?” you grumbled.

“Apparently the executive director of the bureau,” Dean chuckled, “And I am taking you out for a walk. You need food and coffee in you and neither of us are in the mood to cook.”

“How do you know I need coffee and food?” You narrowed your eyes at him.

“I have eyes, sweetheart,” Dean smirked at you, “I know how grumpy you are when you are hungry. You can’t even function properly.”

Dean was right. Food really lifts up your mood. You both went out for a walk and came across a little diner in the area. It was small but beautiful.

“One burger with fries, an apple pie divided in two and two cups of black coffee please,” Dean ordered.

“Coming right up sir,” a young blonde girl responded from behind the counter.

You and Dean took a seat at the diner.

“Why are we even arranging a party, what's the reason?” You asked.

“Just moved in, new house. A....a housewarming party?” Dean said deep in thought.

“That….sounds appropriate.”

“So it's settled then. A housewarming party,” Dean said, a small smile playing on his lips.

“Alright. Since I'm married to you, I should know some stuff about you just so I don't stutter when people ask me about my own husband. Tell me about yourself - where are your parents? What are your hobbies, other than watching the movie Die Hard on repeat?” you said.

“Hey, the Die Hard movie is a classic. You should learn to appreciate good films. As you know my name’s Dean Winchester, no middle name,” Dean smirked, “I have a younger brother, Sam who is a lawyer. He is engaged to this girl named Jessica-”

“Wait! Jessica? As in Jessica Moore? I think I know her. Maybe I went to high school with her,” you said thinking aloud.

“Small world,” Dean gave you a tiny shrug, “My parents are still together. My dad, John Winchester owns a garage and my mom, Mary Winchester owns a coffee shop near my parents’ house. My life's pretty boring. Tell me about yourself.”

“Well you already know a lot about me because apparently ‘you have eyes’,” you chuckled, “but my name is Y/N M/N L/N, I do have a middle name. I have two brothers named Michael and Gabriel, I am the youngest. My Mom and Dad are still together too. My Dad, Y/D/N works at a corporate office and my Mom Y/M/N used to teach at a primary school. So my life's pretty boring too.”

“Here's your order,” the server interrupted your conversation by placing three plates on your table, “and here's your coffee.”

The girl kept eyeing Dean. You cleared your throat as you saw him turning towards the waitress with a stupid smirk on his face. You took his hands and entangled your fingers with his, making him jump and look back at you.

“Nothing else,” you said in a cold voice surprising the girl and Dean. The girl walked away from your table quickly.

“Jealousy is a bad colour on you sweetheart,” Dean said to you in a cocky tone.

“Why would I be jealous? I am not jealous,” you replied but that was a big, fat lie. A switch had been flipped as soon as you saw that waitress ogling Dean. Maybe you were jealous.

“Whatever helps you sleep at night,” he said with a stupid smirk plastered on his face.

“I was not jealous but I think you should try to keep it in your pants if you want this cover to work,” you pointed out to him.

“Ooh, an affair, maybe it will spice things up a bit,” he winked.

“Dean,” you glared at him as he raised his hands in defence.

“So,” Dean said stabbing the piece of pie with a fork, “Any past relationships I should know about?”

“No,” You said after swallowing the piece of burger - the food was so good, “why should I tell you about my past relationships?”

“Let's see, I am your husband and I think I should know about your ex boyfriends...ex flings.”

“Fake husband. How many times do I have to remind you?”

“Okay, keep your secrets to yourself. I was just trying to make some small talk,” he shrugged.

“God you're so nosy. Fine,” you said biting into a single fry, “I don't have many ex-boyfriends or ‘flings’ as you may say, but I was in a serious relationship with a guy named Cain for almost three years but...uh-then we broke up and now he..he is just a bad memory. What about you?”

“Kinda the same. Had a few serious relationships. The last one was with a girl named Lisa. After two years of dating we realised we weren't made for each other so we broke up - it was an amicable breakup,” Dean said.

“No one night stands? Girls would kill to have a one night stand with you,” you said.

“Will you kill to have a one night stand with me?” He asked, making you choke on your food.

“W-what?” You said after regaining your composure.

“Just saying. We have the arrangement - you and I are already married. You can experience the full package if you want too,” Dean smirked.

“N-no, thanks,” you said and gulped down a glass of water. This man will be the death of you.

“So, tell me about Cain. I mean I have to live upto your expectations.”

“Trust me, you don't want to be like Cain,” you said, swallowing hard. You didn't want to speak about the topic of Cain, he was just a bad memory, no scratch that, the worst memory of your life.

“Did he hurt you?” Dean asked, his voice soft.

“No.” You looked down at your plate, suddenly finding it too interesting.

“He hurt you, didn't he?” Dean clenched his jaw.

“Why are you suddenly so interested in my past relationships? It's not important to our job. We are work colleagues, let's just keep it that way,” you said and abruptly left the table and went out of the diner.

You didn't know why you lashed out at Dean like that. Maybe because you were still not ready to talk about Cain. No one knew why you guys broke up - not even your parents, but Dean was just trying to talk to you as a friend. Now he was going to think of you as an overdramatic bitch. You buried your face into your hands as you heard footsteps approaching you.

“Y/N? I am sorry for what happened back there. I-I definitely crossed a line I wasn't supposed to cross. You're right - we are work colleagues, let's keep it that way,” Dean told you, “just remember whatever Cain did, you don't deserve it.”

You looked up to him and saw him staring at you.

“Come on, let's go back to the house. We have a lot of work to do,” he said and snaked his arms across your waist, making you jump a bit.

“Just to keep the cover,” Dean whispered into your ears. You nodded but you'd be lying if you said that your heart didn't skip a beat when he pulled you closer to him.

You opened your mouth to speak, but you were interrupted by the ping of your phone, which indicated you had received a new text.

“Oh look at that. Now what does Mr. Singer need? A BBQ party in our backyard?” Dean said, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

“According to trustful, internal sources, the right hand man of Crowley is apparently one of our neighbours,” you said reading the text as you saw the gears turning in Dean's head.

“So we gotta be cautious at the party. One slip, and our entire cover will be blown,” Dean said, immediately slipping into the serious work mode which you loved.

“Let's go and meet the neighbours then, husband,” you smirked at him.

“After you, sweetheart,” he grinned back at you.

Let me know if you want to be added to the taglist!

Feedback is appreciated!

[whatareyousearchingfordean]

Supernatural Series Finale

It took me a couple days to collect my thoughts on one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to watch in my life. Like I said a few days ago, I cried even harder watching it the second time around. But now that I’ve had a chance to process and also see what other people were saying, I think I can finally put into words my impression of the finale. 

Buckle up, this is a long one....

Let me preface this first off by saying that as an adamant Dean girl that has said numerous times over the years that all I’ve ever wanted was to wrap Dean in a blanket and give him some forehead kisses and tell him everything is going to be fine, this episode gutted me. I fully believe that my boy did not deserve to fight so hard for so long to just die as soon as he was free. He deserved a lifetime of truly enjoying time with his baby brother, the person he loved most in the whole world.

Now with that being said, having watched this series so many numerous times, I truly don’t believe that the show could have ended any other way. It’s something that has been pointed out by the creator, the writers, the actors, and even the characters themselves in the show. Dean never saw anything else for himself than dying doing the one thing he knows best, hunting. I saw a post that discussed how this would have happened numerous times already had Chuck not been interfering in their lives, and I wholeheartedly agree with that sentiment. 

And Dean had been raised to never think anything of that. It goes back to Cas’ declaration that he is “the most loving human he has ever met”. Dean is and always has been a man of duty. He would gladly die at the end of a blade if it meant he saved someone from the fate his family was ‘destined’ to live. He has always cared more about other people than he ever has himself. It part of the reason that his freak out in 15.17 didn’t throw me because for fuck’s sake wasn’t it his turn to be a little bit selfish for once?

Anyway, I digress. Dean has been fighting for others his whole life. And as stated in 15.19, him and Sam were free to finally write their own story. Is it not 100% on character that Dean would die a hunter’s death? As we see in the beginning of the episode, the Winchesters could have chosen to walk away from the life then. They could have chose the apple pie life, a wife and 2.5 kids. But they didn’t, they chose to continue saving people, hunting things. They were writing their own story, even if it ended tragically. But that’s life, it’s messy and depressing, but it’s also beautiful and even if Dean only got a small taste of that, I can be happy.

I know a lot of people feel like that negates their character growth throughout the seasons, but I disagree. I think that the way this ended shows just how much both of them had grown. Sam very well could have went to Jack and begged him to bring Dean back and Dean could have asked him to. But neither felt that it was necessary any longer. Without Chuck pulling the strings, that scary, neurotic, codependence they used to hold was gone. Dean was okay with dying and Sam let him go. Dean told him how much he loved him and how scared he had been to go get him at school. Dean opened up, something that season 1 Dean never would have done. Just look back at “Faith”, the episode where Dean makes every joke in the book about dying instead of facing the truth that his time was up and Sam refuses to accept it so much that his one source to save him (unwittingly) is black magic. The men I saw in 15.20 were far from the men we met in season one. 

Coming back to finally being free, I have to talk about the dammed paperwork in Dean’s room. I’ve seen the speculation about that. But that’s all it is, speculation. We have no idea what that was supposed to be about. If they had meant for us to see it, they would have shown it to use like they showed us the “Dean’s other other phone” sticker. But they didn’t. So it’s perfectly fine to speculate about it, that all a part of art interpretation, but in my opinion, even if Dean was working on ‘something else’ I don’t think he ever could have fully walked away from hunting. This ending was for all intents and purposes, inevitable. 

For all the rest, as a writer, I fully understand the way that they chose to do this episode. Sure covid played a role but the boys had said that the crux of what the episode was did not change. There is a certain nuance to storytelling, like I posted back on Thursday and something that is probably one of the most famous lines from this show. Endings are hard. Writing is hard. It’s impossible to please everyone and even harder to tie up all loose ends. At the end of the day, the writers had to be satisfied with the story that they put out, irregardless of what you or I think. As Jensen so beautifully puts it, Supernatural is a piece of art, one that has numerous hands in the pot. From writers to actors and directors. And art is always up for interpretation. But that’s the beauty in it. 

I talked to a dear friend, @waywardbeanie after the episode and was like “I want to know x.y.and z” because a part of me wanted all the answers from them. I’ve always been a person so very deeply rooted in canon (I know as a fanfic author that sounds weird but stay with me). I trust the information given to me and take it as face value. I seen my stories as an extension to canon, not trying to rewrite it. So it took me a few days, and more conversations with other fans of the show, like @winchest09 , to understand that the facts left out of the final were most likely intentional. 

This is a show that has such a passionate and loving (mostly) fandom. Together we have done so much good for the world, and that is something even if you hated the finale, you can’t take back. The writers left the ending open for us, to write our own stories, whether it’s just your thoughts or if you actually write a piece of fanfiction. There is so little about what happens after Sam leaves, presumably for Austin (don’t even get me started on the essence of that cause I might cry again), because it’s our job to decide. Did Sam quite hunting all together or was he a pseudo Bobby, manning the phones for other hunters? Did he finally go to law school or end up getting some other mundane job? Who was his wife or girlfriend or baby momma in the background? Was it Eileen? If not did she know about his life? One could drive themselves crazy answering these questions, and it’s your right to do so however it will make you happy. But at the end of the day, it doesn’t really matter to the story. 

At the end of the day, what mattered was the peace that the boys found together, in heaven. Sure Dean missed Sammy when he first got there, but he didn’t fuss, because as Bobby said “he would be along”. So Dean did what he’s always done, he took a drive in Baby, and Sam was there when he finally brought her to a stop. In the end their story ended just as it had started, our boys together. 

And I know a lot of people are angry because one of the big themes this show touched on was that family doesn’t end in blood. And I agree wholeheartedly that I would have loved more familiar faces or even the mention of them (I screamed when Donna was mentioned), but at the end of the day, something Eric Kripke has been saying since season one, this show is and always has been about the brothers and their relationship. I in no way think that this negates the family they found along the way or how they could not have done a lot of it without them but, it’s not their story. I’m sorry but it’s true. 

It’s not about Cas, Jack, Bobby, Crowley, Ellen, Jo, Mary, Eileen, etc. It’s about Sam and Dean and it sucks that people can’t let that go, but I get it. I can’t imagine putting so much time into something to let something like that ruin the whole experience for you. I hope that you can find peace eventually. I guess that’s my blessing, that I never really cared for anyone besides Dean. Which isn’t to say I didn’t like characters but what happened to them never mattered to me, as bitchy as that sounds. 

I’m at peace with this ending, no matter how much it hurts me. And I think it’s just the finality of it that hurts. Jensen and Jared and Kripke are satisfied with their little show that could and that’s what matters most to me. Because those are the real people with real feelings that I care about. 

So there you have it. I have zero tolerance for negativity, so please keep your comments off this posts. You are free to your opinion but I don’t want to see it and put any seed of doubt in my acceptance of this ending. I’ll be the first to admit I’m too easily swayed, ha!

But if you need to talk, my inbox is always open. I’m still coping with the loss of this show and everything that comes with it. I don’t do well with change or facing my own mortality, something that has rattle me these past few days. I feel a million years older and that scares me. So know your feelings are valid and I’m here. 

[janicho88]

Falling For You -Part 3

November

Pairing- Eventual Dean x Female!Reader,  

Word Count-3546

Warning- Fluff. Mention of serial killers. Still burning slow. 

A/N- I had an idea for a one shot, and giving a little backstory to Dean and the Reader meeting took on a life of its own. We should hit the one shot part around chapter 20, oops?  This story is AU, and un beta’d.  Thank you @waywardbeanie​ and @whatareyousearchingfordean​ for helping me keep these 2 characters in line and letting me bounce ideas off of you. 

 Summary- After being burned before you had sworn off finding love for now. Coming home from work one night there is a strange man pounding on your door.  Neither of you knew what this meeting would lead to.

Series Masterlist

Do you ever notice how quickly time goes once October hits?  In a blink November is over and suddenly Christmas is here and then we are ringing in the new year.   You aren’t even sure you remember much of the first two weeks of November this year. You did remember you had been out helping Dean a number of nights.  Work was finally back under control , but you needed to get a list around to start on your Holiday baking for the first weekend of December, Thanksgiving was next week. It seemed like you couldn’t figure out which direction to go in. 

Dean had gone to see a few houses and asked you to go with him for another opinion.  Both of you fell in love with the sixth house.  It was a two story single family home, you would have killed for the kitchen.  So much counter space for baking or cooking.  It only needed a few touch ups here or there, maybe some new paint in some of the rooms eventually, but it was move-in ready.  The previous owners already moved out of town and took all their belongings with them.  Dean had been working with a bank to be approved for a loan before finding the house, plus he had saved what he had when his house sold.  The closing was done by Friday the end of the second week.

While Dean was busy finalizing paperwork on his house, you were at your desk on your lunch hour looking through pinterest for new cookie or bar ideas. A familiar voice sounded behind you.  

“I’m back bitches!”  Turning around you saw the fiery redhead who was in charge of IT for the company.  Charlie used to work out of this office, but they had moved her to the new clinic that had opened an hour away for the last two months.  

“Things are running smoothly over there, two weeks without any problems, I get to come back to you guys now.”  She walked over to her familiar work area and tapped the Hermione figure sitting by her monitor and asked if she missed her.  “So what have I missed here?”  You and Monica filled her in, and introduced her to Anna when she came back.  The rest of the day passing fairly quickly. 

Making a quick dinner that night you received a phone call from your mom.  Her older sister had fallen and hurt her hip.  She wasn’t going to be able to travel down for Thanksgiving, so your parents were going up there.  This way your mom could help her around the house and with the meal.  Your cousins were a bit lazy, they weren’t going to do it.  She asked if you wanted to go with them, and after thinking about it for a moment, told her not to worry about you.  Your aunt's house wasn’t very big, and some other family was going up also.  That was going to be too much close family togetherness for you.

 Wiping down your counter you heard a tap at the door, slipping on shoes and grabbing your purse you headed out.  Jess and Dean were out in the hall waiting for you, the two of you offered to help Dean clean tonight before things were moved in tomorrow.  Sam was working a big case and stuck at work this evening.  The house was in good shape, it just needed a good pre move in clean.

“So Dean,” Jess started talking when you got in the car.  “Since you are going to have the most room, how about you host Thanksgiving next week?”

“What?”  He was a bit caught off guard by that.

“Your parents are coming up, so are mine, that’s seven of us in our apartment trying to cook a big dinner, you have a huge new kitchen and a dining room.”

“One, do you really trust me to make Thanksgiving dinner?”

“I didn’t say you had to make it all, we’ll help, you just have the space to have it at.”

Sitting at a red light Dean closed his eyes and let out a sigh, “If we can have the house usable by Tuesday, fine.”

“Good, Sam also told your parents they were staying at your house.”  Rolling his eyes Dean knew it was pointless to respond.  Jess turned in her seat to see you in the back, “What are you doing for Thanksgiving, Y/N?”

“Usually we go to my grandparents, but my mom called tonight and my aunt got hurt so they are all going up to her house.  I’m just going to hang out at home, watch the parade, and be lazy.”

“Apparently I’m hosting Thanksgiving, come join us.”  Dean offered, glancing at you in the back.

“I appreciate the offer, but I don’t want to intrude.”

“You won’t be, Sam already did that when he has people staying at my house that I’m not even living in yet, without telling me.”

“Okay, if you are sure, thanks.  Just let me know what I can bring.”

“Pie, lots of pie,”

Dean had already taken cleaning supplies over to the house and the three of you decided to divide and conquer.  You took the kitchen and dining room, Jess and Dean split up the two upstairs bathrooms and the master bedroom and one of the guest rooms. Whoever finishes first would start in the living room.  These rooms would be used for his parents' visit and Thanksgiving, the other rooms would be tackled if there was time.  Walls, windows, doors all scrubbed down, floors vacuumed and mopped, kitchen cupboards all wiped out.  It took you guys a few hours and everyone was beat when you headed back to the apartment building.  Sam and Dean were renting a uhaul in the morning to get Dean’s stuff from storage, you made plans to ride over with Jess to help unpack. 

Back in your apartment you looked to see what you could whip up to take with you for breakfast.  Normal cinnamon rolls would take too long, and you didn’t have the energy, but cinnamon biscuits were doable.  You made a double batch, and prepped the icing.  Figuring you would warm them in the morning and top them then.  

Dressed in a comfy old t-shirt and worn jeans sweatshirt sitting with the biscuits,  you were ready when Jess came to get you.  “Oh my, what is that smell?”

“I figured we would be working up an appetite today, so I brought breakfast rolls. Do you want one for the road?”

“Uh, yes please.”  Both of you laughing, she grabbed one out of the container while waiting for the elevator.

“Yep, Dean’s right.  Girl you can bake.”

The guys pulled up with the uhaul just as you were getting out of the car.  “Ready to start,” she asked.

“Not really, you?”

“I wish I was back in bed.”

“What are you two laughing at?” Sam inquired leaning down to give Jess a quick kiss.

“Just wishful dreams,” she told him.

Dean unlocked the house while Sam opened the truck.  They let you and Jess take some boxes, while they moved some of the furniture that came on this load.  Thankfully Dean had somewhat labeled the boxes as he packed so you knew where to drop what.  His labels gave you an idea on what was important to the man: kitchen crap, bathroom junk, living room stuff, bed things, other room bed things, you just didn’t know what was in each of those boxes, but clearly knew what was in the VINYLS, TOOLS, and MOVIES boxes.

Dean had kept most of the furniture from his old place, but did have a few new things coming.  Such as a master bedroom set, and new couch and dining room table. Those were going to be delivered Tuesday.  Jess told you he didn’t want things that reminded him of Lisa, so he sold anything that did when he moved.  

Cas came over to help in the early afternoon, bring some pizzas as an apology for missing the morning work.  The biscuits you made long gone.  Things were coming along nicely, Dean wasn’t super picky on where things went right now.  Dean gave you the job on organizing the kitchen, he said you would know best.  His only request being the coffee items were close to each other and easy to get too.  He would figure out where you put anything else later.  Placing his old coffee maker next to the plug between the sink and refrigerator, the glasses and mugs in the cabinet next to the sink and and coffee and filters above the machine. 

Jess was helping Sam set up the guest bedroom and washing the sheets for that room and Dean’s once his bed arrives.  Cas and Dean ran the wires for his tv and speakers for his record player.  Dean deemed those two things most important.  Everything was out of storage and into the house Saturday evening, put away was another story.  You offered to help on Sunday, but Dean said he wasn’t going to work on it then, taking one day of the weekend not to work and unwind a little.  He still had a few things at Sam and Jess’ place to get packed up at some point.

Thanksgiving week was always a nice work week since you were only open 3 days.  Monday and Tuesday evening you had helped at Dean’s and it was ready for Thanksgiving, his parents were arriving sometime Wednesday. 

When you left his place Tuesday night you headed home alone.  Dean was all moved in, he was out of the apartment across the hall.  It made you kinda sad to think about.  It’s going to be weird not running into him in the hall, or have him randomly come over when he was giving his brother some space.  

You opted for staying home Wednesday night instead of hitting the bar with Charlie and her friends, and decided to get the pies made.  You went with two traditional pumpkin, and one apple since Dean liked the last one so much.  When you were at the store you also picked up the ingredients to make a strawberry pretzel jello.   

Thursday morning you watched the parade in comfy pj’s on your couch with a glass of hot chocolate.  Unlike Dean coffee wasn’t your thing.  But with the chilly weather you liked something hot in the mornings. When it was warmer you would enjoy your weekend morning drinks on your balcony.

Dinner was supposed to be at two, but you headed over before noon to help with the preparations.  You put on leggings and a long sweater, Jess had told you it was more about comfort than fashion today. 

It was your turn to knock on Dean’s door for once, a pretty blonde woman answering the door.  She had a big smile on her face that turned to surprise when she saw you.

“Hello, can I help you?”

“Hi, I’m Y/N.  Dean and Jess invited me, I came over early to help with dinner.”

“Hey Y/N!”  Dean came up behind her with a big smile on his face.  “Come on in.”

“Hi Dean, I came to help, brought pies, pumpkin, apple, and a jello”  

“You don’t have to help,” he said while ushering you inside, “you did that enough with moving this week.  Y/N this is my mom Mary, mom this is Y/N.  She actually lives in the apartment across from Sam.”

“Nice to meet you dear.  I’m sorry, I was expecting Sam at the door, I didn’t know anyone else was coming.”

Getting to the kitchen Dean opened up the pies and you saw him hide one of them in the cupboard.  Shaking your head, you look around at the food out on the counters.  

“What kind of jello is this?”  Dean asked looking at the cake pan you set down.

“It’s a pretzel strawberry jello or some people call it a salad.  I didn’t think you would be too fond of that term though.”

Dean looked at you before looking back down, “Pretzel jello?  I see the jello and strawberries, and something solid under that but it doesn’t look like pretzels.  Where’s the salad part? What are you trying to feed me sweetheart?”

Rolling your eyes and shaking your head “There isn’t actual lettuce in it Dean, this time salad is referring to a side.  The solid layer is cream cheese cool whip mix, the Pretzel is the baked crust.�� It’s a combination of salty and sweet.  Just try a bite, I’m not trying to sneak anything past you.  I promise it won't hurt you as much as Sam's veggie bacon.” 

Dean's face grew serious, “I thought we agreed that we don't speak of that fraud, it's not bacon. I need actual meat.”

Laughing you pat his back, “I know, I'm sorry. Now you have your own kitchen to cook real bacon.”

“Yeah or I could come to yours and let you do the work.”  He said with a smile your way

“You are always welcome at my place.”

“Now that we are done discussing the jello, what do you need me to do?”

“Y/N, seriously you don’t have to help.”

“I want to, I like cooking almost as much as baking.”

Dean moved over to the list of food Jess had made up the other day, “Turkey is stuffed and in the oven, potatoes are boiling,  the corncake hasn’t been started yet, neither has the salad, rolls are just waiting to bake.”

“Well Sam wanted the salad so he can do that, I’ll get the corncake going and in the oven.”

Sam, Jess, and her parents arrived a short time later.  The guys all ended up in the living room watching football and left you four ladies in the kitchen.  Mary started to ask Dean where his mixer was, but he told her to talk to you since you organized the kitchen.  While working on last minute touches Mary turned and looked at you.

“How long have you and Dean been dating?”

Jess started laughing while you stuttered out an answer, “Oh, uh no we, we aren’t, we’re just friends.”

“They are both in denial about having any feelings for each other.”

“Jess!  There are no feelings to be in denial about, we’re just friends, that’s it.”

“I’ll let you know when they catch up with what the rest of us know, Mary.” You turned back to setting the table shaking your head at her.

Dinner was great, and the conversation was even better.  Dean’s dad was a little intimidating at first, but grew on you as the meal progressed.  Dean sat next to you and before he took a bite of his jello he picked up the bowl and looked it over and made you promise him he wouldn’t regret it.  He took his time chewing, bobbing his head around while you awaited the final verdict.

“It’s actually pretty good.” You just gave him a little nod, holding back your laugh at his behavior before going back to your own food.  

The guys migrated back to the television after a while, and the four of you cleaned up.  Dean came in a few times, but you sent him back out.  When the first game ended the men came back for dessert.   Jess brought out pumpkin bread and apple crisp her and her mom made and Dean carried the pies over.

“Y/N made pumpkin pie,”  Dean told the others.

Leaning over to whisper in his ear, “You keeping the apple for yourself?”

Giving you a little grin he nodded,  “You know it sweetheart.”  Laughing you didn’t notice Mary watching your exchange across the table. 

 Looking through the ads with Jess you made plans to go out with her and her mom the next morning.  Mary was watching the two of you, and you asked if she wanted to join. Jess quickly looked up and told Mary how much fun it would be if the four of you went together.

Sam tried to talk everyone into playing a new game he picked up. When he finally got everyone, even Dean to agree to join he went out to the car to retrieve it.  Coming back in empty handed swearing he put it in the car, but unable to find it.  He went looking through some of Dean’s things for the deck of cards he swore he didn’t have striking out again.  Dean told him if he wanted to play games he needed to host Thanksgiving and went back to watching the football game.  Jess was sitting beside you unusually quiet the whole time.

“Did you know he forgot the game?” You whispered to her.

“He didn’t forget it, who do you think took it out of the car?”  Quickly covering your laugh with a cough she continued. “It was a trivia game about serial killers that used a courtroom type setup.  The box said something about cross examining, objecting and redirecting.  It seriously wasn’t happening, I get enough lawyer talk at home.”   

At five am the next morning you decided Jess had too much energy.  She had you leaving the apartment building by 3:30, then picked up Mary before hitting the mall.  You drove the 40 minutes to Ann Arbor because Jess wanted to go to the bigger mall.  Luckily the temperature was in the high 30’s this morning and you didn’t have to wait outside long.  There are years you have stood outside in the snow waiting to get in a store.

You had a few things on your list, but no clue for some people.  You weren't great at coming up with gifts, especially at this hour. You walked past one store front before stopping abruptly, and Jess walked into your back.

“Sorry, I wasn't thinking.  I’m going to run in here real quick, I’ll catch up with you guys in a minute.”  The display in the window made you think of Dean and you went into get him a house warming present.

Stopping in the food court for a break later, Mary had a question for you, “Call me crazy, but didn’t you say something about apple pie yesterday when you arrived?”

You started laughing, “ I did, Dean apparently hid it when he took it to the kitchen.  He had some last time I made one and decided he didn’t want to share this one.”

Mary was talking to you more about Dean.  “He seems so much happier now than when he left.  He was in a dark place for a while, that girl hurt him bad.  I ran into her in town, and she had the nerve to talk to me like everything was fine.  I gave her a piece of my mind and John had to pull me away.”  She paused for a minute before continuing, “Dean has mentioned hanging out with a new friend a number of times I’ve talked to him.  I think that person has made a big difference in his happiness, and I hope they stick around for a long time.” 

You weren’t really sure what to say, you gave her a little smile, and told her Dean was an amazing guy who didn’t deserve to be treated like he had been. 

After running errands on Saturday you stopped over at Dean’s.  He was surprised to see you at the door and invited you into the living room where he was talking with his parents.

“Oh, I’m sorry to interrupt, I just wanted to drop something off.”

“You’re fine sweetie, you aren’t interrupting anything.  We were just chit chatting, but we should actually start to get some of our things around.  We fly out tomorrow morning.  John, we should go pick up the room, and pack what we don’t need tonight.”

“I did that earlier.’

“Well you should double check it, just in case.  You two talk, we’ll be back later.”  Pushing John out of the room they headed upstairs.

“I didn’t mean to chase them away, I just wanted to drop off your house warming gift.”

“Thank you, you really didn’t have to get me anything.  Your help was a huge present,”  Dean told you, taking the wrapped box out of your hands.

“I wanted to, just open it.”

“Oh Sweetheart, she is a beauty.”  You had gotten him a new Keurig coffee maker, this one could make a whole pot, or a single pod.  He mentioned he had been fighting with his old one, and you knew how important coffee was to him, especially in the morning.  

“This way, you can make yourself a single cup if you just can’t wait for the whole pot to finish, or if you want one later.”

“This is great, thanks Y/N.  You did well, especially for a non-coffee drinker,”  he finished with a teasing grin. 

“I should get going, let you enjoy your last night with your parents.”

“You don’t have to, Sam and Jess should be over soon, her parents left today.”

“Thanks, but I don’t want to interfere with family time.  Tell your parents it was nice meeting them, I hope they have a safe trip back.  I’ll see you around Dean.”

Part 4 

Thank you for reading!

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[prince-of-elsinore]

On the Weechesters that could have been

Or, Supernatural has a flashback problem

So, I've been thinking a lot about Dean's confession ("I didn't know what I would've done if I didn't have you," "it was always you and me") and how it shapes my view of season one and my pre-series headcanons. On the one hand, it really only confirms what we could already infer, but on the other, it enshrines as canon, beyond a doubt, just how big a deal the events of the pilot were to Dean, how much he wanted and needed Sam in his life. Meaning Dean already knew back then that Sam was it for him. It's possible he didn't fully examine or accept this until after Sam had left, but either way, the groundwork for that need was laid in their childhood. Despite various complaints Dean has voiced over the years (either jokingly or seriously) about having to look after Sam, all he wanted at 26 was to have his brother at his side again, and that could only arise from true affection and attachment--and yeah, an unhealthy dose of codependency.

And we know the affection and codependency run both ways, even if it wasn't as explicitly stated on Sam's part, especially in season one. Personally, I trust Jared Padalecki to understand Sam best, and he's said that Sam's happiest moment was committing to getting back on the road with his brother--despite the fact that back then, Sam's assumption was that he would return to his normal life after they found Jess's killer. Jared has also said something to the effect of "Sam loved his father and brother so much he had to leave" which definitely reframes his decision to go to Stanford--because of, rather than in spite of, his love. How to make sense of these statements? They only track if Sam really is just as smitten (in the platonic sense) as Dean. In spite of whatever resentment he had towards Dean, he loved him (keep in mind, the deeper the love, the deeper the potential resentment) and, importantly, liked him, and was intrinsically tangled up in him. Everything Sam does and says makes perfect sense if you accept that Sam loved his family, but hated hunting. Of course he's upset that the father and brother he loves and needs go out and risk their lives all the time. He's right to be. And of course he would be especially upset that his brother doesn't even try to imagine a different life for himself, that he takes their father's word as law despite the damage it does to Dean. And, when Sam finally does leave, it hurts him that Dean doesn't try to understand his decision because it would shake Dean to his foundations to consider that Sam might be right, let alone to consider following him out of the life (as I believe Sam would have preferred, though he probably knew it was a lost cause). Dean can only see it as Sam abandoning him, even though for Sam it was always about leaving hunting, never about leaving his brother. Sam wanted nothing more than his brother on his side, by his side, and it broke his heart when Dean seemed to choose John over Sam. The tragedy of the Stanford split is that Sam and Dean each thought their worst fear was confirmed--for Dean, that Sam didn't need him, and for Sam, that Dean hated him--even though this really wasn't the case.

So, why this digression about the old Stanford grievance and the boys' headspaces in the pilot? Because I wish so much we got to see how they got there--and the flashback episodes, for the most part, do not show us. In fact, there's a frustrating pattern of flashbacks that don't really corroborate this textually-supported characterization of young Sam and Dean. Almost universally, the flashbacks concentrate on the brothers in isolation from each other, either physically or emotionally (or both). That's not to say that they're all bad episodes or that they don't reveal other important information about Sam and Dean. It does, however, give an overall skewed impression of their "normal" as kids, and presents something of a paradox in considering the Winchesters' childhood. We see, textually, that the brothers must have been extremely attached to each other growing up, beyond just Dean's sense of duty to look after Sammy (which is hammered home again and again, and again...), but this isn't the impression most flashbacks give. Let's take a closer look:

1x18 Something Wicked--Sam is too young to be much of player. It's all about Dean and his sacrifices/responsibility for Sam--all important stuff, but aside from Sam offering Dean the prize in the cereal box, there isn't much evidence of actual affection between them. Dean appears only put upon--fair enough for a young kid given such (way too much!) responsibility, but it's to the complete exclusion of any potential positive emotion, even fondness, for Sam.

3x08 A Very Supernatural Christmas--This flashback is the exception, and it's why it's my favorite! This was a crucial moment for the brothers in their young lives, when they chose each other over anyone else. Sam trusts Dean, not his father. Dean tries to put on a nice Christmas for Sam because he feels it's his job, yes, but he then experiences genuine gratitude when Sam gives him the pendant. They lean on each other. They comfort each other. In short, we see the why and the how of their relationship. I wish every flashback accomplished what this one does.

4x13 After School Special--The focus is mostly on Sam and his relationship with Barry and that English teacher, with a big emphasis on Sam's dissatisfaction with his life. That's super important, but I can't think of any moment between Sam and Dean that reads like anything other than pretty average brothers... which they are decidedly not. The episode drives home the diverging desires of the brothers more than anything.

5x16 Dark Side of the Moon--Not strictly a flashback episode, but we do glimpse important memories in Sam and Dean's heaven. Dean's 4th of July memory is iconic for a reason--it's one of those rare moments we really see why these brothers feel the way they do about each other. They're having actual fun together--the only time we get to see young Winchesters doing that! We all know which of Sam's memories were in heaven, though, and how that made Dean feel. Now, it makes sense that Sam would cherish moments when he was getting away from The Life, but the fact that the writers again chose to prioritize this (beat a dead horse, one could say), over showing a single good memory Sam had of the family he supposedly (actually, really!) loves, feels wrong and motivated solely by the plot's need for more artificial brother drama. Could anyone really blame a casual viewer for believing that Sam doesn't love his brother as much as Dean loves him? And yes, one can make excuses--Sam probably had lots of heaven memories of Dean that weren't shown! Zachariah was messing with them!--but it's still on the writers to make that clear.

5x23 Swan Song--I'm including this one for the flashes we get of little Sam and Dean in the Impala. These are beautiful moments, but it amounts to telling, not showing: we get toy soldiers and legos, and a brief shot of Sam and Dean carving their initials. What we don't see is the impetus behind that action. We are essentially told how to feel about these things. (Don't get me wrong, I think it's still a really well done episode and I'd be lying if I said I didn't feel exactly what it wanted me to feel--I'm just pointing out a pattern.)

7x03 The Girl Next Door--Dean is only present as a voice on the other end of a phone call (do we even hear him? Can't remember. Don't think so). Oh, and Sam has doubts, yet again, about hunting monsters. Hm, I think we've been here before. Sam has an instant connection with a girl he just met and he seems ready to put her before his family. I get that he doesn't want her to die, which is sympathetic. But again, one would be forgiven for thinking he does not care about--or even actively hates--both John and Dean. Maybe he does hate them a little bit in this moment, and wouldn't that be interesting to explore? (Cue Jared saying Sam had to leave because he loved John and Dean so much! He couldn't stand the thought of it all turning to resentment! It makes so much sense!) But, alas, the episode just doesn't go there.

9x07 Bad Boys--This time it's the Dean show, and we get to see Dean finding happiness away from his family, even if he needs some time to warm to the apple pie life. Okay, cool to know this about Dean. And the moment at the end is interesting, and gratifying for brothers fans, since Dean doesn't seem pulled back out of a mere sense of grudging obligation to Sam--he gives such a genuine, loving smile when he sees him. He wants to go back to Sam. But it's just a gesture, telling rather than showing again. We don't know why Sam makes him feel that way.

11x08 Just My Imagination--The only brother interaction, over the phone, doesn't reveal much about how the brothers feel about each other, though it does hint that Dean would ultimately come down on their father's side when John and Sam were at odds. Dean asks John, on Sam's request, to bring Sam along on a hunt, but he doesn't press the issue when John refuses. If anything, this leaves me more curious than ever about what the good in their relationship looked like, if Sam was so often disappointed by Dean's kowtowing to their father.

Sully seems a bit like English Teacher 2.0, encouraging young Sam to figure out what he wants for himself and reject the family business. I think it's quite well done and sweet, actually, and it's nice that in the end Sully actually thanks adult Dean for looking after Sam (how rare for anyone to acknowledge that), and Dean likewise comes to appreciate Sully. In the flashbacks, we learn that Sam was eager to join in hunts when he was little, which is interesting and sad when you think about how that changed. Already, though, he must feel pretty ambivalent, because he's seriously considering running away at the same time. Ultimately, Sam chooses his family--articulating that what he wants is to be with his dad and Dean--and rejects Sully's message of self-determination. He makes the decision that may not be best for him, but he's motivated by love. It seems in character, and hints at the claustrophobic pull of the Winchester family. Yet again, though, we are left to fill in the blanks ourselves about why Sam wants to be with his dad and Dean. In fact, the motivations for his two apparently conflicting desires--to stay or run away--are never very clearly laid out. We don't know what, specifically, Sam doesn't like about the hunting life, when part of him also wants to hunt, and we don't know what it is about his family--what good memories, desires, or needs--that draws him back to it.

15x16 Drag Me Away (From You)--It's unfortunate that the young actors had no chemistry whatsoever, but the script also didn't do them any favors as far as displaying their dynamic. Dean has a moment of vulnerability (if you squint) over Sam thinking about college, but aside from that, it's almost amazing how little the brothers interact, given that they're staying in a motel together, on their own. What a missed opportunity. Can you imagine if the episode had focused even a little more on Sam and Dean, rather than on their interactions with those other random kids? If it had given us just a fraction of the relationship "A Very Supernatural Christmas" managed to show in such an understated, poignant way? You wouldn't know these brothers liked or loved each other from this episode. When Dean said "We made a good team" I was honestly baffled because they barely did anything together. You could argue Dean was reaching with that statement because he was desperate, but again, there's nothing actually shown to back that up.

Ultimately, what these flashbacks show can all be true--it doesn't negate what we know about Sam and Dean from the show's present. Of course, like any brothers, they teased and annoyed the hell out of each other. Of course they had vastly diverging desires for themselves and their lives--that's sort of the premise of the show and characters in the early seasons. These aspects of their relationship are true, but these aspects are not the whole story, which is why it's frustrating that almost every flashback focuses exclusively on these things. From the flashbacks alone, you might think Dean is only about "protect Sammy" (and later, "order Sammy around") and Sam is only about "I hate my life (and by extension, family)." Most of us could tell all along--and the finale confirms--that there's another story underneath this one, though, of two brothers who are soulmates, destined to find each other like magnets again and again.

But this requires the astute viewer to do a lot of legwork in characterizing the brothers' childhood dynamic beyond what's shown--partly as a result of some logistical and practical issues (especially with child actors), to be sure, but mostly of lazy writing. There's a difference between respecting your audience's intelligence enough not to spoon-feed them every detail, and expecting them to pick up the slack and make excuses when your characterization and plotting is inconsistent or one-note. This is far from the most egregious example of this in Supernatural, but the finale had me thinking more closely about what is canon for the pre-series era, and it drove home how much it applies to the flashbacks.

So what would I have liked to have seen? What it comes down to is interaction between the brothers. The only flashback where we have both brothers in equal focus, interacting with each other rather than outside characters, is "A Very Supernatural Christmas." It's impossible to show the progression and significance of a relationship when you consistently show only one side of it at a time (or don't even focus on said relationship when both parties are in the same room--looking at you, 15x16). Sam and Dean are the heart of the show, and they should have--together--been the heart of the majority of flashbacks. It's not that Sam wasn't a lonely kid, but as Dean says to Sam in "Just My Imagination": "You had me!" Of course, Dean's memory is skewed--he isn't thinking about all the times he went off with John on a hunt and left Sam behind, and hell, even when Dean was supposed to be babysitting, we know from "Plucky Pennywhistle's Magical Menagerie" that he sometimes dumped Sam. But I can't believe that Dean is totally wrong, either. Sam and Dean must have been each other's best--only--friends, living the life they did. What we see rarely looks like friendship, and it certainly doesn't track as a basis for the codependency we see in the series present, starting with the pilot. That didn't come from nowhere, though.

I would have loved to have seen that first hunt Sam went on in Milwaukee, after he left Sully. I would have loved to have seen Dean, proud of his little brother becoming a hunter. Or Dean, looking out for Sam on a hunt (and treating Sam's peril like a bigger deal than he does in 15x16, where it barely phases him). I wish I'd seen the moment that made Sam reject a future as a hunter, after his initial excitement. Did something happen on a hunt? Was it the violence of it? The brutality against a monster with a human face? Or the peril? Was there a moment when Sam's life was in danger? Or perhaps, a moment when John's or Dean's was, that scared Sam even more? I wish I'd seen Sam grappling with how leaving hunting would mean leaving the family he loves. I wish I'd seen him mention it to Dean, try just once to convince him to try a different life, and get shot down. I wish I'd seen more of the Dean who wants to give Sammy the world, struggling with the increasingly impossible task of balancing Sam's wants and needs with John's orders. Dean, caught in the middle of their arguments and torn apart by it. Sam, hurt when Dean doesn't back him up. Dean, terrified that Sam might actually follow through with that college pipe dream. Perhaps all of this would have been indulgent (not to mention difficult to film, with the right child actors and JDM), but even part of it would have allowed for some nuanced characterization.

More than anything, though, I would have liked to have seen a few more of the good memories, because they are actually important to understanding the characters and the story. It's not about fluff; it's about showing rather than telling. What are the good memories that made Sam love Dean and even his dad? Sam's anger towards their father is all the more compelling and believable if there is a fierce love underneath the layers of resentment and betrayal. And you know what's even more sad than a kid whose dad didn't make it home for X occasion? A kid whose dad did come home, just once, and the kid who enshrines that one perfect memory because they don't realize how messed up it is that it's such a rarity. Or, if it wasn't John making it home for one holiday, maybe it was the one time Sam remembers getting John's approval in some way--it could be any number of small things. The good that a character holds onto, no matter how small a scrap, says a lot about them. And the same goes for Sam and Dean. Where was Sam the social outcast, wanting but struggling to fit in, grateful that at least he doesn't have to put on a pretense of normality around his brother? Dean, feeling the same, though he'd never admit it? Dean, talking Sam up rather than tearing him down? How they felt safe, comfortable, only with each other? Even if they both had to act a certain way to earn the other's approval or admiration, that act must have felt worth it for the reward. Where was the Sam that looked up to and tried to emulate Dean, and the Dean that cherished that more than anything? Where were the moments of fun, the contentment Dean felt when he managed to put a smile on Sammy's face? The small acts of rebellion that united them, however briefly, against both their father and the world? The fireworks scene has to do so much heavy lifting all on its own, in the face of all the flashbacks that repeatedly give the opposite impression.

People are complex, of course, and we're fortunate to have two such complex characters as Sam and Dean. Both the good and the bad of their childhood, and their relationship with each other, are true, but the writers chose to emphasize one side much more than the other when it came to the flashbacks. As much as I'm a believer in the power of the audience's imagination and of transformative works, it is still up to the writers to guide that imagination in a certain way. Unfortunately, in the case of the flashbacks, that guidance is off-track and unbalanced at best, and negligent misguidance at worst. The story of Sam and Dean only makes sense with a more balanced picture. It only works if it really is about two brothers who love each other more than anything. It only makes sense if there's much more to their childhood relationship than we were shown. Now that the series is over, we won't be getting any more flashbacks (unless prequel series? Unlikely haha), so we're left to fill in these gaping blanks on our own. At least the finale gave us some good crumbs to work with.