#literally this happened with me and my sibling when we were younger

[willow-incorrect-quotes]

Airk: I found an old note on my desk the other day that said: Note to self: get revenge on Kit.

Airk: Except, I couldn't remember what I was supposed to get revenge for. So I just decided to go for it.

*distant clamor and screeches*

Sorsha: And now it is going to get you. I suggest you run.

[kavehater]

I’ll never understand younger siblings whining about their older siblings moving away like I bet yall were nasty and annoying too like wow all those years and you claim to adore the older sibling and post oh woe is me the older sibling abandoned me … girl … the older sibling didn’t have a parental certificate or anything.

[canthelpit0]

Enemies (with benefits)

Pairing: Cold!Chris x Reader

Word count : 1,489

Summary: Chris and reader have always been enemies ever since they’ve known each other. neither knew why they had this burning feeling in their gut. So one day they decide to fuck it out. Until, eventually doing it regularly

Warnings: smut, p0rn with plot, a LOT of plot, angst, name calling (bitch, slut, etc.), p in v, rough x, mentions of safe word (not used), rude/cold!Chris, degration, friend with benefits, awkward, (implied) RichKid!reader, no love (😔), unprotected, creampie, no after care, no use of y/n, no oc

(A/N: this is my first ever fanfic that I’ve posted on tumblr. So ya, I’m shitting bricks. Please give me feat back on my writing, and what I can improve. Also English is not my first language so I’m sorry for any mistakes. Hope you like it!! :D)

PT1 PT2 PT3 PT4 FINAL

Ever since I can remember, I’ve known the triplets. The sturniolo’s and my family were always really close. And ever since I can remember, I’ve hated Chris.

Now, enemies was a harsh word. A bit of an exaggeration. It wasn’t like we were at war for opposing countries. We were more like rivals. In every aspect.

Sometimes it felt like the only reason Chris studied for school, was to beat my grade. He wasn’t really stupid, but he was definitely not book smart.

The problem wasn’t that. We’ve always lived normally, simply hating and avoiding each other. After all he was my longtime nemesis.

Until that one fateful night where we’d been at my house. My parents have a big business so they’d frequently be on business trips. And it just so happened that that night my younger siblings were not home, both of them being at their separate sleepovers with friends.

We’d been paired for some project. And naive me thought, that it’d be fine. We could be civil for a few hours. But I thought wrong. The hatred was too strong and the tension was too thick in the air.

Seemingly everything I did made him agitated. And vise versa.

Until he finally snapped and we got into a full fledged argument, wich turned into a yelling match. However it all went quiet when he crashed his lips onto mine.

Breathing heavily I had kissed back, hard. It was easier to battle about with a kiss, rather than screaming. And like hell was I gonna be dominated by Christopher fucking sturniolo.

So the night progressed. He had me, my face buried in the sheets babbling out nonsense and screaming his name. But not in anger like I usually would.

It had been months since that happened, and it still haunted me. The idea that it even happened. That his lips had been on mine, his dick literally inside of me, that I was literally under him, disgusts me to my core. But it didn’t matter. It was one of many times.

Sometimes it was a quickie, sometimes an all nighter. Sometimes Chris was dominant other times he was not. Sometimes it was at my place other times at his.

And it wasn’t like those cliché stories of friends with benefits where one fell in love. This felt more like an urge. Like neither of us wanted to actually hook up but we were irking to. This was better than having a yelling match. And on the rare occasions I was dominant it felt great making him shut up and take it. It felt equivalent to winning an argument. The whole point was to teach a lesson, and express annoyance and anger without directly doing that.

“Chris-“ I let out a sharp cry, even the pillow that my face was buried in didn’t really make the scream sound quieter.

His hips keep drilling into my core hitting all the right spots to make me weak in the knees.

Sex with him, objectively, felt good. In the moment. He knew how to please a woman. But he also knew that he was pushing it right now.

“Don’t fucking tell me to slow down.” He snaps his tone, and words as harsh as his breathing. “You have a safe word. Use it if you need to. And other wise, shut, the fuck, up.”

I only let out a sharp whine when he seems to pick up pace even more. He’s made a mess of me. We’ve been at this for hours. Literally.

I’ve come more times than I can count and Chris wasn’t showing any sign of stoping anytime soon.

My back arches perfectly, but I’ve been in this position for too long for it to be comfortable. Him leaning over my back occasionally leaving harsh slaps on my ass while his other hand stayed firmly im my hair.

His hand being tangled in my hair as he was both pulling it, but also pressing me down into the pillow under me.

I feel the ache in my cunt subside again, as a knot starts to form. I’m close, again, and I don’t know if I can keep going after.

“Chris” I scream his name loudly panting and moaning. “I’m- close” I can barely form a sentence. His thrust are hard enough to knock the air out of my lungs every time.

“Oh ya?” He harshly slaps my ass causing me to moan loudly. “How much more you think this pussy can take?” He huffs his tone ever so cocky.

He always did this. He liked being dominant and absolutely wrecking me as much as he can. And he knows I’m close to breaking, and that’s what makes it worse. I just know he gets a wired satisfaction out of exerting me.. using me, like this.

His hand stays firmly in my hair tugging harder. His other hand trailing from my ass to my clit as he starts to rub on it harshly.

I clench instinctively, my whining and moaning getting even louder. “I’m gonna-“ a harsh slap on my clit catches me off guard.

Chris keeps going. “Fucking slut. You like getting destroyed like this?” he mocks, his tone condescending as his pace doesn’t let up.

“Go on bitch, cum on my cock. Come again.” He urges. And the rubbing of his fingers on my clit and the relentless torture to my cunt is threatening to push me over the edge.

“Can I come in that pussy again?” He asks his voice coming out strained and harsh from the pleasure.

“Yes-“ I’m cut off, again. As i am physically not able to speak with the pace he’s going at.

And the combined pressure of everything pushes me over the edge. Suddenly the knot in my stomach snaps and my body goes limp after loud moans. He goes for a few more thrusts before I feel the familiar hot liquid fill my cunt.

After a minute where we catch our breaths he slowly starts to massage my scalp knowing he’s been pulling on it for at least half an hour straight.

He pulls out not really gently, but not harshly either.

Hook ups with Chris always felt like one night stands, when they were really regular.

I let my body fall limp fully laying on my stomach as I sigh, content in my position, not attempting to move.

I can practically feel Chris watching me.

Normally I wouldn’t be this much of a mess. But than again normally we didn’t go for hours. Normally Chris used a condom. But today was not one of those days.

Sometimes chris had enough common sense to at least pretend to care.

But right now he was just staring.

“You okay?” He asks his tone gentler and more quiet than usual. He knew he was pushing it, but did he really care tho?

I shiver as I feel his hand start to rub over my back. Ever so gently pinching the skin to ease some tension.

“Ya”

My breath is short as I’m still calming down not doing or saying anything else.

After a while I turn around slightly, wincing as I lay on my back. My back hurt from the previous uncomfortable position I was in.

I opened my tired eyes, looking up at him, my eyes meeting his. I knew I probably looked like a wreck right now. My hair a mess because of all the moving and position changes as well as his pulling. My face having dried mascara and tear stains on it from when I’d been crying.

I was too tired to even hide my body. I just turned around not bothering to hide my chest as I did, I was too fucked out to care.

His lips pursed, looking over my face. But he wasn’t concerned. But rather disgusted at the sight. He was glad he made me look like shit, but I could see in his eyes that he would much rather be anywhere else right now.

After sex was the worst for us.

The arguments leading up to it were normal. The sex itself was great. But afterwards…

Usually he’d leave. But today he had gone far. He’s done worse before. But every time he did he felt like he should give me proper after care. But I can see the annoyance radiating off of him, and I just know he does not want to be here.

And as harsh as it sounds, he couldn’t really care less what state he left me in. He’s told me multiple times.

“You can leave.” I mumble sighing. My throat felt horse from all the screaming, crying and moaning, that I’d been doing. I’ll need to get a water soon.

He gives me a simple nod, quickly changing, then going to my bathroom to fix his appearance.

And than he leaves.

The room is quiet. Nothing to be heard, nothing to be said.

Masterlist

A/N: hope you liked it, this was literally my first time writing smut🫣 also I don’t have a taglist yet, so i just added my moots. Tell me if u wanna be added, or removed :D

‼️please don’t copy my work/idea‼️

Taglist : @muwapsturniolo , @sturnad , @iluvm4ttsturni0l0 , @evie-sturns

[zeestarfishalien]

Writing a Damian and Danny are half siblings fic and oh my stars these two cannot go even 5 seconds without antagonizing one another. I try to have plot happen but they literally just CANNOT help themselves. Plot cannot advance while they are within hearing distance of one another.

Its not even about the whole "you tried to kill me when we were younger" or the "What if you're trying to usurp me as a form of revenge"

Its literally just pure sibling instinct. They hate each other your honor. They'd also probably severely traumatize and/or maim someone who tried to hurt the other one but they haven't realized that yet.

[star-girl69]

imagine the little family but reader gets hit on by one of the new campers and the rest of the camp is waiting to see ivy and clarisse reaction 🌚

I LOVE THIS OMMGGGGGG

no bc this is specifically so funny and dear to me bc imagine

you’re like sitting with ivy and playing in the sand on the beach having a fun time

and then hi harry from better than revenge in an alternate universe

clarisse has been so busy lately bc it’s the start of summer and there’s all these new campers and things

so you haven’t been around each other as much 💔

dumbass harry walks over to you and is like “it’s so sweet how you treat your younger sibling like your own”

and ivy is preening at the attention of this nice boy who quickly realizes the way to your heart is through ivy

you just think he’s nice and playing with ivy in the sand and making a killer sand castle tbh….

then he says smth a little flirty like a compliment but neither you or ivy think much of it at first

then he’s like “oh hey here you have some sand on your face” and leans so close to you to brush your cheek with his thumb

woah buddy 😟😟😟😟😟

ivy is like ok what the freak (she’s not supposed to swear) (let’s be real she still does)

bc like she’s not dumb….. she knows the only person who touches you like this is clarisse and yeah this guy is nice but she doesn’t like him THAT much

he doesn’t look that strong he can’t be her jungle gym she’s not liking it

you’re sitting there in shock and ivy is getting mad bc HE SHUFFLES CLOSER TO YOU

she climbs into your lap and starts SCREAMING bloody murder and kicking out wildly at harry

“Y/N I WANT TO GO Y/N I WANT TO GO I WANT TO GO I WANT TO GO”

so you pick her up and rush your little butts out of there and harry is trying to follow you bc THIS BITCH WILL NOT GIVE UP DAMN

and you’re looking over your shoulder like GO AWAY

after another second you think he’s gone so you set ivy down

you crouch down and you’re pretty sure she just didn’t like harry flirting w you but you just wanna make sure smth wasn’t actually wrong

“hey are you guys okay?”

“RAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH” is ivy’s war cry as she jumps on top of harry and starts screaming and kicking and hitting him

AND YOURE SCREAMING TOO BC WTF??????

“IVY YOU GET DOWN RIGHT NOW NO DESSERT FOR THREE DAYS I SWEAR”

eventually everyone kinda heads towards the commotion of this 10 year old screaming and attacking harry and you desperately trying to pull ivy off of him

that is when clarisse walks over

she just stares at the scene for a second in absolute shock

then harry finally pushes ivy off of him and she FLIES into you like he pushed her HARD bc he’s a BITCH

and you weren’t expecting it so you fall back w ivy in your arms

CLARISSE IS ABOUT TO GO INSANE

she runs over but harry is like NO NO NO MY CHANCES ARE RUINED

so he’s desperately trying to help you up and you’re like oh my god i think i’m gonna die

ivy starts attacking him like a feral dog again

“YOU- HURT- MY- Y/N- STUPID HEAD!!!!!!!”

you need a leash for her atp

but by the time clarisse makes it over to you she realizes what’s going on

she crouches down next to you and says ivy’s name really intimidatingly and ivy is like

“OMG HI CLARISSE I LITERALLY SAVED Y/N’S LIFE ARENT YOU PROUD OF ME”

and after she looks over you and sees that your find just a little shocked and very tired (motherhood is hard) she decides to glare at harry

“okay and what does that mean?”

“ok so we were playing in the sand and then harry comes over and he’s nice and he’s helping me build my sandcastle and then he starts TOUCHING Y/N and getting all CLOSE TO HER and i was like woah wait hold on what the freak so then i threw a tantrum so we would leave BUT HE KEPT FOLLOWING!!!!!!! I JUST WANTED HIM TO GO AWAY BC YOURE THE ONLY ONE WHO TOUCHES Y/N LIKE THAT SO I ATTACKED HIM AND THEN HE PUSHED ME SO I ATTACKED HIM MORE BUT NOW YOURE HERE!!!!!!”

harry is just horrified bc that’s exactly what happened this child was just throwing a tantrum 5 minutes ago how is she so articulated

she’s just smart like that tho

clarisse is like “oh so you’re flirting with my girlfriend? are you dumb? literally everyone knows.”

harry just accepts defeat and mutters a few choice words under his breath and walks away

clarisse debates about punching him but decides that ivy has already done all of the work for her

ivy hugs clarisse so tight

“you are so amazing my little warrior you did such a great job protecting y/n i am so proud”

then you join the hug “yes you’re my little knight in shining armor but please remember violence is not always the answer”

ivy and clarisse share a look like “this crazy lady just be saying stuff”

“EXCUSE ME???? BC I KNOW YOU TWO DIDNT JUST LOOK AT EACH OTHER LIKE THAT-”

you try to actually make ivy skip dessert for a few days but she’s so adorable so you give it to her anyways

clarisse teaches her how to properly throw a punch and kick someone

you are not pleased

ivy is ecstatic her new passion is fighting

harry stays far away from you

also percy is now campaigning to bring awareness to the clarisse and mini clarisse epidemic

he is very concerned.

—-

taglist:

@lvrue @t-wylia @laughingcheese037 @kroumi @urdeadpoet @colezb @rey26 @harmzilla @elliewilliamsbae @amberfreemansburntface @kyuupidwrites @neverwaakeme-up @shark1008 @liballer @heyimadison @nvirskies @pnsteblnme @mar2ss @restellsss @ravisinghs-wife @marsconer @evangelinexo @randomhoex

[delfiore]

—ONE OF YOUR GIRLS.

pairing: lucy bronze x reader, (alexia putellas x reader)

synopsis: the only reason is simply because you are both heartbroken, lonely, and desperate.

word count: 1.9k

a/n: i gave myself a 1k word limit on this and i failed miserably. literally why is it so hard for me to write a 1k essay for school but not this

You started to learn Lucy’s routine only a few weeks after she started coming around. Like clockwork, it didn’t matter how late you went to bed, she would always be up before eight. Sometimes, it would be to go downstairs for a swim in the freezing cold outdoor pool in her apartment complex. “Helps me wake up and think clearer”, she would explain. Sometimes, it would just be to sit in the living room with a coffee in hand, watching videos of the team you and her would be playing later in the day. Other times—and it was always a treat when she did—it would be to stay in bed with you, and watch you wake up.

Those were the times in which you felt like what you had with Lucy resembled most like a relationship, due to the sheer amount of domesticity of it. The way she would take time out of the day to lay a few extra minutes with you made it feel concrete like what you were doing was worth the time. But that wasn’t the goal—a relationship.

“I forgot to bring my stuff last night,” you whispered, suddenly remembering the lack of gear you brought over to Lucy’s apartment. You had hastily stuffed the necessities into a crossbody bag when she texted.

“It’s alright. We can drive by later and pick it up on our way to training.”

“We’re gonna arrive together? What if people see?”

Everyone else at Barcelona didn’t know, of course, because you couldn’t even begin to explain what the fuck transpired between you two. It was no relationship, but it was no ordinary friendship either. A special kind of friendship, maybe, but not entirely the kind people would think of if you described it as such . . .

Lucy’s lips pursed, and she contemplated for a moment. After a few seconds, she turned towards the window, the morning sun washed white behind the milky blinds.

“I don’t really care, to be honest,” her chest rose quickly with an exhale. “Why have we got to explain ourselves to people anyway? Kinda tired of it.”

You knew she meant having to deal with the looks her ex would give her. She had been chasing after Keira, trying to make amends for a long time. You knew that, she told you everything.

It made you think about your own situation. You were still very much in love with your own ex, but Alexia has since moved on with a mutual friend, and your conversations were reduced to strictly work nowadays. The way she started treating you after the breakup wasn’t dissimilar to how an older teenager treats her younger, annoying little sibling; with avoidance and an overly sense of self-importance. It made you despise her ten times more than you already did, but you also yearned for her attention, because it was what you have aligned your life with for a while.

But you supposed you had a type—older women with avoidance issues—which was why you were here with Lucy.

“Keira asked me about you the other day,” you said on the car ride to the training ground. You sat in Lucy’s passenger seat. “She was wondering how you were doing. Said you never talk to her anymore.”

Lucy scoffed and turned back to you. “Can we talk about something else?”

“Like what?”

“Like how you actually look so fit in my shirt.”

You let the snort escape your nose but leaned towards her in the passenger seat. “It’s literally a plain black T-shirt, Luce.”

“‘Xactly,” Her cheeks creased with a grin. “Makes me almost want to fancy you.”

“Almost.”

“Almost,” Lucy said.

Almost.

You and Lucy have always had a friendship filled with banter. Heart-to-hearts rarely happened—maybe before and after important matches, or international ones in which one of you had to be the loser—but you appreciated her easygoing nature and how it has shaped your relationship.

If you were a bit closer in age, if you weren’t already with Alexia, and she with Keira at the same time, you reckoned you would have gone for her. You’d always found her attractive.

“You’re too young for me, Y/N,” Lucy had told you once.

“I’m just saying,” you had put your hands up. “If you’re ever desperate enough, I could be like one of your girls.”

Lucy only laughed. Perhaps desperate was the wrong word to use. Lucy Bronze could never get that desperate so as to seek you out for company. No, everything would have to be on her terms.

You agreed with her, though. A nine-year age gap might have been a bit too much, but Lucy wasn’t just like any other 32-year-old.

But you were in love with Alexia. You still were, and your coupling with Lucy might have just been a ploy to piss her off, but your captain didn’t need to know that. Just seeing the not-so-subtle looks she sends your way whenever you are too touchy with Lucy was enough to satiate your grudge.

It seemed the joke wasn’t merely a joke, not to Lucy, because one night, she called you. You had never seen Lucy cry, at least not in person, and she was the type of person to let people see her cry only for her profession, never something in her personal life.

Every joke on your tongue died the moment you saw her blotchy, red face at your front door.

“I didn’t know who else to call.”

Really?

She could have called anyone on the team and they would happily offer her comfort. That was the charisma that Lucy wielded, and you were willing to bet there were other members of the team who were much better than you at comforting someone.

“I think I’m just unlovable.”

You led her inside and offered her a glass of water. I think I’m just unlovable. Her words echoed in your mind as you scrambled to find any words that would be comforting to her at that moment. How do you convince someone that they weren’t their flaws when you yourself struggled with the same insecurities? If Lucy even had those doubts about herself, how could you ever get out of it?

“I think I’m unlovable too.”

You didn’t know whether that was comforting or just rubbing salt in her wound, but Lucy exhaled shakily, for the first time looking at you in a way unlike that of teammates, or even friends.

Unlike a friend would, you lifted your hand and wiped away the tear on her cheek with the pad of your thumb, and unlike a friend would, you leaned in and kissed her slowly.

Kissing Lucy was exhilarating. She was eager and rough, and soft and gentle. It made you almost want to fall in love with her. She was tired, so you climbed on her lap and led the way, and all her burdens faded into oblivion, at least for the night.

When you both arrived at training, only a few of your teammates were there in the locker room, and most of them didn’t seem to notice you coming in together anyway. Pina, though, found you across the room.

“Did you hear?” She said quietly.

“What?”

“Alexia has been with the physios since like 9 this morning.”

“Why? What happened?” You tried not to sound too eager, or worried.

“I don’t know, but I walked past and I think she was crying.”

When you came into the rehab center, a physio greeted you with a smile. You returned it as your eyes quickly found the only person lying down on a bed, hiding her face in the crook of her arm.

“Hey, capitana,” you said in Spanish. “You sleep here last night or something?”

You saw the way her jaw ticked, and looking down, noticed the bandages wrapped around her knee, the ACL one.

“You didn’t happen to bring any coffee in, did you?” She said groggily. “I could use a sip.”

“No coffee, sorry. I’m trying to wean myself off of it.”

“You said that a thousand times before.”

You put your hands in your pockets and leaned against the bed. “What’s wrong?”

She let out a sigh and removed her arm. “They’re making me sit out Saturday’s game. They’re scared I might mess something up.”

You nodded, because you understood exactly why. Another ACL problem would be detrimental to her career in ways that you didn’t want to think about. “It’s better to be sure,” you shrugged.

“I’ve fucked my knee, Y/N,” Alexia said, inhaling shakily. “That’s what it is.”

You couldn’t imagine having to live with the anxiety, tiptoeing around your own knees, afraid it might give out any second again. Even the smallest discomfort could spell trouble, and the slightest movement could trigger the injury to worsen.

You opted not tell Lucy about your conversation with Alexia, because you wanted to keep it to yourself. As useless as that might be, that was the first genuine conversation you’ve had with your ex in about a year. You’ve learned not to take it to heart, though, because you knew you’d disappoint yourself when Alexia eventually goes back to treating you like a kid.

You made a conscious effort not to think about her when you called Lucy over for a hookup, but when she was knuckles-deep inside you, you couldn’t think of anything else but the pleasure.

Laying back and staring at the ceiling, you drew deep breaths as you came down from your high.

“You okay?” Lucy asked.

“Yeah,” you nodded. “Hold me?”

She smiled and gathered you in her arms before kissing you sweetly. “Did something happen with Alexia?”

“No.” Nothing happened, really, but maybe it was because nothing happened that made you so distraught. “Maybe in another universe, where you’re not you and I’m not me, I would take you on a date tomorrow, maybe we’d be happier.”

“Well, why won’t you do it in this universe?”

You shrugged and settled back against her chest. “Because I’m me and you’re you. But mostly, because I am me.”

Lucy didn’t answer. She knew as much as anyone that once you’ve made your mind up, there was no swaying it, and that she didn’t have the energy in her to either. Instead, she leaned down and planted a sweet kiss on your forehead, wishing you’d find it in you somewhere to see yourself the way she sees you.

It would take some time until then, though, as only a few weeks later, she saw you hand-in-hand with Alexia coming to practice. Apparently, Alexia’s girlfriend was no more and you got what you wanted. It was okay, though, because Lucy found comfort in Ona, about to go on a second date with her the next day. You might have almost gotten the love you’d always desired with her, but it was just that, an almost.

[baldursgate3tempobsessed]

Please let Astarion meet Tav's family and have a younger sibling like 6 be like im gonna marry the prince points at Astarion.

Tav : Sorry, im married to the prince

NO IM GONNA MARRY THE PRINCE

That's so fucking cute kill me. But I just realized AFTER I finished it I read this wrong 😭😭 I read it as "marry" instead of "married" so whoops now it's an asking for your hand in marriage fic.

Also, I'm going to make this a weird little, unofficial, alternate reality, off shoot of this fic to explain away why Astarion can be in the sun without ascending because I am ~lazy~

Quick summary if you didn't read it, Tav serves Selune, gets a blessing for all the good work, and uses it to cure the anti-light issue of the vampirism (but not all of it). It's not a literal extension of that fic but I'm stealing my own plot explanations. That's it! Now here we go:

~

Astarion wasn't nervous per se. He was just... on edge. And the two-week journey it took to get here wasn't helping things, not when it gave him so much time to ruminate in his thoughts. He never expected to be in the position of "meeting the family," let alone in anticipation for asking for someone's hand in marriage.

Astarion wasn't even quite sure how his life got here. He had always fantasized that a life without Cazador would be one of selfish hedonism, not one where he would be legitimately concerned about a damn six year old sibling's first impression of him.

But then you came along, effortlessly shattering all of his grandiose plans with a batt of your eyelashes. Perhaps the entire journey of falling in love was more complicated, but it felt like it was that simple. In hindsight, he never stood a chance against you, but it was hilarious that there was a time he ever thought he did.

All of his prior dreams and fantasies felt like nothing in comparison to just being with you. It had been a year since you both saved the Sword Coast, a beautiful, fantastic year. That had ended with him somehow more in love with you now than when he first confessed. Selune's blessing had certainly helped with that he was sure. He still couldn't quite believe that you would use a god's blessing on him of all people, but gods, was he appreciative. Because being able to walk in the sun again meant that he could live the life he wanted, with no restrictions. He could be the partner you deserved, the kind that a father would happily say yes to when asking for your hand.

Which brought him back to his current dilemma. Perhaps he hadn't seen any of your family members in the time you'd been together, but he had heard plenty. You loved them all to death, especially your little sister. You wrote to them constantly, the mere sight of a letter from your parents enough to put you in a great mood for the rest of the day. He was aware that your mother was supposedly a saint, a fact that your own father had instilled in you often. He knew that they had a wonderful, loving marriage and were both higher ups in the Church of Selune. A fact that Astarion didn't particularly enjoy.

As grateful to the moon goddess as he was, he was aware that you were an expectation to the very normal belief that vampires were bad. And that marrying one was one of the stupidest things you could ever do from an average person's perspective, let alone a Selunite.

Why you hadn't done the smart thing and lied about what he was, Astarion would never know. But he did know that the thought of their rejection over his admittedly sordid history was putting him in a tailspin.

"They're going to love you," You said for the hundredth time, giving his hand a squeeze as you led him up the steps to your childhood home, "You have nothing to worry about sweetheart. I promise."

Astarion highly doubted that, but you were already knocking on the front door before he had a chance to argue. The door instantly slammed open, a beaming child already launching themselves at you before Astarion could process what was happening.

But you were more prepared them he was. You effortlessly caught them in your arms, laughing at their excited shouting, "Titi! You're late!"

So this was the famous Arabeth.

"No, I'm not!" You laughed as you settled her on your hip, "And what happened to my little girl's manners huh? You haven't even introduced yourself yet."

The child glanced over at him, like she was just realizing for the first time that someone else was standing over there. She looked a little shocked at the sight of him, staring at him with wide eyes. Wide enough for Astarion to start to wonder if something was on his face.

He gave her a little wave only for her to bury her face into your shoulder, peeking out at him with her lips pursed. Which was not the best start to the whole making his darling's family actually like him plan.

"Well, as you've probably guessed this is Arabeth. She's just a little shy," You reassured as you stepped inside, muttering a quick invitation inside under your breath. He appreciated that, he didn't need the whole house to be reminded of his... limitations.

"But she'll get over it soon enough," You continued as you called into the house, "Mom? Dad? We're here!"

And just like that they were rushing into the room, acting just as excited as your sister had been. Your mother wasted no time in smothering your face with kisses while your father swept you up into a hug. It was a rather impressive display of coordination, considering how they hadn't managed to knock you and your sister to the floor in the process. Astarion was pretty sure they were both saying something along the lines of We missed you! But it was hard to tell with all of you so tangled up in each other.

It was heartwarming to see, in all honestly. Of course such a loving person would come from an equally loving family, what else would he expect?

Though he certainly hadn't been expecting for your mother to throw her arms around him next. She brought him into a tight hug before looking him up and down, "So you're Astarion huh?"

She turned back to you, grinning ear to ear with her hands set on Astarion's shoulders, "He's so handsome! Selune help us, do you remember the last boy you brought home? He had a nose the length of my arm-"

"And that's enough of that," You said with a strained laugh, pulling your eccentric mother back a few inches, "And we've talked about the impromptu hugs. What happened to asking for permission?"

"Sorry, sorry!" She said with a wave of her hand, "Let me try again. I'm Seliras, and this is my husband-"

"Marcoul," Your father interrupted, putting his hand out for Astarion to shake, "It's been awhile since we've met a boyfriend."

"He's a little more than that," You said with a sigh as everyone exchanged pleasantries.

"We'll be the judge of that," Marcoul said with a sharp but friendly grin, the grip he had on Astarion's hand briefly tightening before he let go, "From what we've heard, you're quite the character aren't you?"

Ah, so the interrogating was starting early then. It was nothing that Astarion hadn't expected. Besides, turning up the charm was his strong suit, even when he was uncharacteristically nervous.

Astarion smiled back at him, "You've heard right. And I'm more than happy to answer any questions you might have."

"Oh gods please don't say that," You groaned, but it was too late. Your parents were already leading him to sit, rapid-fire questions coming out of their mouth.

Where are you from? How did you meet? Are you serious about our Tav? What's your religion? Where's your family? What are your plans?

But Astarion answered them all, with only mild censorship for the child's sake. The child who suddenly couldn't stop staring at him. It wasn't exactly easy to sell himself as a future husband when he was a vampiric ex-slave, but he made do.

It was an overwhelming experience to say the least, but not necessarily an unpleasant one. That was one good thing about trying to marry into a family of zealots, it was a lot easier to convince them of your virtue when you received a personal blessing from their goddess.

By the end of the night, they were all throughly appeased, enough so to get off the topic of him for a moment.

"You look a little young to have a thirty-year old child," Astarion said to your mother. He was actively trying to compliment her for obvious reasons, but he was also genuinely curious. She barely looked a day over 40.

"Oh we breed young," She said with a laugh, "We had Tav in our teenage years. Arabeth came much, much later. Our favorite little surprise. Gods, I can't think of a single person in our family who didn't have kids young. Our little Tav is the only exception to the rule."

"But maybe not for much longer, huh?" Marcoul added with a grin, yelping when you lightly smacked him over the head for the comment.

"Do not start the kid talk again!" You hissed out, cheeks red, "We've talked about this!"

Astarion couldn't help but grin at your reaction, charmed by your embarrassment. Though... the idea of the two of you having children together sure was an interesting thought.

Astarion felt a tug on his sleeve while you were distracted arguing with your parents. He turned, smiling when he saw your little sister standing there, still staring at him with wide-eyes.

She took a deep breath before blurting out, "You look like a prince. Are you?"

"Not exactly," Astarion said with a small laugh. That couldn't be further from the truth, "There's no blue blood in my veins."

She frowned, cocking her head at him like he wasn't making any sense. But then an idea obviously struck her as she excitedly asked, "But if you married a princess, then you'd become a prince too. Right?"

"I suppose?" Astarion answered with a shrug.

"So if I become a princess, and I marry you, then you'll be a prince?"

This conversation was quickly becoming out of his depth. But luckily enough for him you were swooping in to save him.

You laughed at her question, turning your attention back to the two of them, "No offense Bethy, but I'm going to be the one marrying this particular prince."

But Arabeth wasn't having it. She crossed her arms, looking at you like she was the one talking to a child, "You can't. Because if I don't marry him, he won't be a prince. So there. I have to do it."

She looked so serious, her facial expressions incredibly similar to your own. Astarion was holding back a loud laugh as you tried and failed to reason with her, "I can marry him without the royal status-"

"No! I'm marrying the prince!"

Your parents were doing a much worse job at hiding their reactions, both of them opening giggling behind their hands as you came up with a compromise.

"Okay, okay," You said with a sigh, kneeling down to look the small girl in the eye, "How about this? I marry him first. But only until you become a princess. Then he's all yours. Sound fair?"

She thought about it for a moment before nodding to herself, "Sounds fair."

Well Astarion wasn't going to get a better set-up then that. He turned to your father, his nerves coming back for a brief appearance, "I'm assuming now might be a good time to ask what I came here to ask. Though I do promise I only intending on asking for one of your children's hand in marriage."

Marcoul nodded slowly, his face unreadable as he spoke, "I mean no offense when I say this Astarion, but you aren't exactly who I imagined for my daughter."

"Dad don't-"

"Darling, let him finish," Astarion gently interrupted, his eyes still locked with your father's.

He took a deep breathe before continuing, "That said, I've never seen her so... herself with someone else before. So yes. The two of you can marry. On one condition."

"Anything," Astarion said instantly, nearly giddy at the fact that he was so close to the official yes, "Just name it."

"You have to have the wedding here," Seliras answered for him, a massive smile on her face, "No ifs, ands, or buts."

"And I get to be flower girl!" Arabeth chimed in, her past indignation completely forgotten as she climbed all over you, "And there has to be chocolate cake!"

"Oh gods, help us," You groaned, but Astarion was already nodding along. He couldn't give less than two shits where it happened or who was involved. He could scarcely believe that it was happening at all. But that was the last thing he had needed.

He already had the ring, the most amazing person he could ever fathom being with. Who actually wanted him back.

Now all he had to do was ask.

[bearw-me]

Hii hope I'm not interrupting.

Can we please have some angel dust with a young sibling reader (everything platonic OF COURSE), they're younger than angel by two years.

Take your time with this one 🌸

you're never interrupting! thxs for request such a cute prompt! i love platonic stuff :,]

𝐒𝐩𝐮𝐧 𝐅𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐒𝐚𝐦𝐞 𝐖𝐞𝐛 — 𝐀𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐥 𝐃𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐇𝐜𝐬

𐐒 ft : platonic angel dust x younger sibling!reader, valentino mentioned 𐐒 cw : fluff, mentions of alcohol, swearing, slight angst, angel shoots someone for you 𐐒 summary : general hcs + what angel is like as a big brother 𐐒 note : forgive me that this feels a little long, but i needed to get all this off my chest!

every time the two of you are introduced to someone they assume angel is the younger one (you both correct them)

angel always acts like the younger sibling

by the way you pull up in your car or a cab and peel him from the clubs, annoyed that he's clinging to you drunkenly and hugging you but also relieved that he's safe

him mushing your face around and sobbing about "how much he actually loves you" and "what would he do without you"

Angel always stands up for you, even going so far as to shoot someone just because they said something to you

now that he lives at the hotel, he likes to text you and plan fun "dates" for you guys to do and spend time together

when and if you ask, he always gives you money "okay run along now, go, keep yourself busy or something" while shooing you away

although angel doesn't care that he's in hell, or the messed up situation he's in with Val, he really cares about you being down here

and in his own way, he tries to keep you away from all that stuff

likes when you call him by his actual name: Anthony

the only time you'd probably call him "Angel Dust" is when he tells you to, which is usually at work

and loves that no matter how much he f*cks up, or you do for that matter, you'll always have each other, no matter what

would love doing your makeup or giving you some of his whenever you drop by to visit him

you fight, as siblings do, yelling and throwing things at each other if it gets serious before angel walks out like a drama queen

then that very same night you'd both be sending each other funny videos and pictures as if it never happened

he always apologizes though, like when he sees you the next time in person

he still calls you "kid"

i feel like he'd be prone to fixing you up and dotting on you like a mother. like if you went to a school dance or something he'd help you get ready and fiddle with your hair until he figured it was perfect and would STAY all night

probably cried at any event that celebrated you; like a graduation

tries to be a big brother and not tell you about what happens at work, or how Val owns his soul (you could probably get a bit out of him and be there for his comfort, but he only talks openly about it to cherri and husk)

your big brother is always just a phone call away, like he will literally drop everything he's holding no matter how fragile and find a way to get to you

when you were both younger angel dust was a scrappy little kid, getting into fights with anyone on the playground and chipping his tooth.

always tried to give you the best he could (don't worry, he was never a horrible brother, just a little dramatic at times)

[replaycamera2]

What Your Fave Redacted Character Says About You

Davey - You value a lot of things in a man: the most important being his ability to snap you in half.

Asher - You are the annoying younger sibling who is completely aware of exactly how much they can get away with via years of experience.

Milo - When people ask you what your hobbies are you say “reading” but the silent part of that answer is “fanfiction”

Vincent - I could go on for hours about all the parasocial relationships you’ve had in your life.

Sam - You’re rapidly running out of things other than yourself to blame for your problems, and honestly, it’s just a cry for help at this point.

Lasko - The people in your life have learned not to use the turn of phrase, “What’s the worst that could happen?” Because you will immediately launch into a 20 minute PowerPoint presentation with cited sources on exactly everything that could possibly go wrong.

Damien - Your parents were PTA terrorists. They were planning your bid for student council president while you were still in the womb.

Hux - For the people who think other people are always flirting with them or buttering them up, but they’re honestly just being nice and you never really learned how appropriately reciprocate that because life has taught you that everyone is always after something.

Gavin - God gave you depression and anxiety because if he didn’t, you’d be competing for his job

Avior - You’re either a burned out “gifted kid” or you only just got diagnosed with ADHD in your mid 20s. No in between.

Vega - Dear god do you love to be stepped on

Blake - You can not fix him. YOU CAN NOT FIX HIM.

Elliott - The ultimate fantasy of every demi-sexual out there.

Aaron - Depends: if you’re a straight woman, this is just everyone’s daddy fantasy. Otherwise, you’re a white gay guy. Only they would see a 1-to-1 recreation of their bully and go, “That is my husband.”

Ivan - I’m not saying you’re scary when you’re mad, I’m just saying the Venn diagram of people who have crossed you and the people you never hear from again is a circle

James - Admit it, you find degradation just a little bit hot. Just give in and go for it, it’ll be cathartic, trust me.

Anton - Literally that meme of “Thank you for changing my life.” “I’m literally a white man from Arizona mumbling and mouth-breathing into a mic.”

Geordi - “Patience of a saint” and “persistence of a rock” do not even begin to describe you. We have had nothing but radio silence from this man for 7 months.

Regulus - You just want someone to end your existence without actually killing you and honestly, valid take.

Guy - Your insecurities might scream at every person you meet, but not if you scream louder

Ollie - Your life moves from one disaster to the next and you are desperate for a shred of stability, which is probably why you’re listening to boyfriend role-play.

Morgan - There are two kinds of people in this fandom: Those who know what “19 months” means, and those who don’t.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

NSFW, s/h mention, smoking mention

AITA for not telling my boyfriend how I felt about something sexual that we did?

So, my (19f) boyfriend (22m) was in town visiting me over the summer. I live with my parents while I'm not at college, so he was staying with me, my parents, and my four younger siblings. The event that I'm talking about was at the end of his visit, the night before he had to head home back to his own place (different state, about a 7 hour drive from me).

Some important context for this before I begin is that I am somewhere on the asexual spectrum (he knows this and we have discussed it) and don't typically derive any sexual pleasure from anything that we do. This isn't to say that I don't enjoy it -- I'm typically very neutral on sexual things, but I like feeling close to him and I like the pleasure that it brings him. This is to say, I find enjoyment in what we do in my own way, and everything we do is with extremely explicit consent. He also has some issues when it comes to sexual acts from a relationship in the past, and while I don't know all the details, it's clear that he is hesitant specifically about making sexual advances towards me. We are both technically virgins in the strict sense. We both have histories of deep body image issues and self-harm (mine ongoing, his (mostly) in the past).

This particular day I was super overstimulated all day for reasons that had absolutely nothing to do with him (hunger, exhaustion, ongoing depressive episode, other unrelated reasons). We started messing around at night and, although I was not terribly in the mood, I was still enjoying being close to him (and wanting to be intimate before he left in the morning). It went further than I think either of us expected it to (again, EXPLICIT consent from both parties). Obviously I won't share details, but at the end of the night there was cum on me and in my bed.

Now, while all this was happening, I was enjoying it. Not sexually but sensually and romantically. But afterward, the overstimulation of being dirty and my bed being dirty hit me like a wave and I sort of internally freaked out. I made sure to reassure him that everything we did was good and that I wanted it all, which I did. He then asked if I wanted to shower together or separately. I said separately and went to shower. I took a longer time in the shower than I intended to and had a minor meltdown. I ended up self-harming (not majorly) to calm myself down and get myself out of the panic. When I came back to the room and he left to wash up, I smoked a little weed and nic while he was gone (he's a nonsmoker but knows that I do) to calm myself down more. When he came back I told him I didn't want to sleep in my bed because it was dirty, and asked if we could sleep on the couch in the living room instead (relatively isolated living room, both fully dressed and literally just sleeping, no chance of anyone stumbling upon us in the morning except MAYBE my 16-year-old sister). The rest of the night was fine.

Here's where I'm almost positive I'm the asshole. He was clearly upset with himself after what happened even though we had both wanted it, and he kept apologizing and telling me he loved me. He asked me to turn away so he could get dressed (which of course I did) which is a major change from usual. I think it was because I asked to shower separately from him and then expressed discomfort at my bed being a mess. Even though I reassured him almost relentlessly the entire evening that everything was good, he was obviously deeply upset with himself. He was also crying when he got out of the shower, but I'm 90% certain that was because he was upset about leaving the next day, since we were going to be apart for the longest we'd ever had to be due to his career.

So I just didn't tell him about the self-harming or the smoking or the meltdown. I knew he wouldn't find out because he was leaving the next day.

Why I am almost certainly the asshole: I wasn't communicating about something he almost certainly would've wanted to know about. The self-harming is particularly shitty on my part. We are both very open about our mental illness and relate in a lot of ways, so he knows I actively s/h and is not upset by it (apart from just like generally not wanting your partner to s/h). But he's so intent on communicating all of our feelings about everything that we do together that I know he would've wanted to know that I was upset, and actively hiding that I was hurting myself is a deeply deeply shitty move on my part. I know that.

Why I might not be the asshole: telling him would've done absolutely NOTHING positive for either of us. Everything we did was consensual and enjoyable, and it was only the mess afterward that overwhelmed me and just happened to be the straw that broke the camel's back after a really long day. There's absolutely nothing he did wrong or nothing he could've done to prevent it. I feel like telling him couldn't have brought about any positive results since he wasn't really responsible for it and it had nothing to do with him. It would've just led to more insane self-flagellation and self-hatred on his part.

I'm almost certain I'm the asshole here. It's been weighing on me like crazy since he left. But I almost feel like telling him would've been MORE of an asshole move on my part.

Feel free to ask any clarifying questions.

[famemonsterrr]

Astrology observations part 6. 🪽

- siblings were their signs are in the same element tend to be closer because of their same nature ( a friend of mine is a Sagittarius and her little sister is Aries and I haven’t seen these two arguing or being awful to each other EVER in fact they support and love each other sooo much)

- water placements do everything with music. Study, cleaning ect

- air placements need to watch something while they eat

- earth placements need a lot of silence.

- fire placements need a lot of excitement and adrenaline.

- speaking of music…go and see a playlist of pisces, Gemini, Aquarius and Sagittarius. They listen to EVERYTHING. ( my Spotify wrapped had my 5 top artist being different from each other because I can’t listen to one genre it’s sooo boring).

- again speaking of music…earth placements are the least experimental with their taste in music. They have found what works for them and they stick with it forever. (my Capricorn bestie listen to 3 genres my cancer sun bestie who has Virgo placements listens only to limited stuff and doesn’t know almost all of the iconic artists)

- Aries moon as kids they were getting angry for the most unnecessary reasons. It’s a fire moon thingy 💅🏻

- Sagittarius moon act like everything is fine and then cry behind close doors. Babes don’t be shy I promise u we will not laugh at u. 💀

Speaking of Sagittarius. They don’t open their hearts unless they know they will not be judged or make fun of. Deep down are really sensitive but they laugh it off because being honest and vulnerable is for the pussies right? (Women are more open with their emotions)

- Pisces has strong and weak memory at the same time. These bitches remember useless things or things that happened years ago but can’t remember a simple thing that was said 2 mins ago or even names that was said the very same moments.

- I have noticed cancer placements aren’t sentimental at all ( my cancer bestie throws away things and my mom who has cancer mercury doesn’t like to keep nothing unless it’s really important). On the other hand me as I Pisces love to keep everything to remember everything. ( i ain’t kidding but I have keeps every bottle of perfume I have bought or even broken stuff just because someone gave it to me. it really breaks my when I have to throw something away). Scorpio is the middle ground.

- I have seen cancers either having a lot of friends or just 2.

- Aquarius woman are always sooo likeable. I haven’t found one that i don’t like. They are just here vibing and doing their thing. Also they look younger than they are. Especially risings. (My bestie has Aquarius rising and looks underage when she is adult)

- Sagittarius placements if they reallyyyyy loooove u they care about ur opinion. Usually they don’t give a shit about opinions. (My ex boyfriend was like that he was asking me for everything. He wanted to hear my thoughts and opinions. That’s was really sweet and also was doing anything I told him would look on him.)

- I want to know what’s makes a Leo man dressing so flashy? Okay we support girly pops 💅🏻

- Capricorn men have the energy " I have big dick " metaphorically and literally but they will not flex it like a Leo or Aries would.

- Libra women tend to like men who are "uglier" than them.

- Scorpio placements know how to respect boundaries because they don’t like people crossing theirs.

- the water sign who tends to share a lot is Pisces the least of Scorpio

- the earth sign who tends to share a lot is Virgo the least is Taurus

- the fire sign who tends to share a lot is Sagittarius the least is Leo

- the air sign who tends to share a lot is libra the least is Aquarius.

- it’s very funny but as a Pisces with 8th house placements I can stay strong in very difficult situations and see the positive in bad but if someone break my mug or throws away a small thing of mine this is where I cross the line and start crying. Pliz fellow fishes tell me I ain’t the one🫣

- we need to talk about the fact when Virgo placements are in distress they will start cleaning the whole house. Like okay miss clean girly…maybe cry and let the cleaning for later. This coping mechanism is stressful. I want to hug y’all 😭

- I have noticed that Gemini writing amazing essays. They are amazing writing thoughts and feelings down on paper.

- if a Pisces placements friend or Scorpio placements friend or anyone with 8th house/12th house placements tell you they don’t like someone or they think the vibes are weird. Always TRUST THEM. they know what they are talking about.

- speaking of water signs they are stronger that what we gave them credit for. They don’t escape like a lot of people say. They are strong and keep until the end. Unless someone has 12th house placements or Pisces rising. (Sorry but y’all so self destructive).

- Capricorn x Gemini friend duo is also really underrated. They vibe sooo well even tho they have different styles and approaches to life but what they manage to do is that they have a lot of intellectuality. Maybe they would not last long but definitely they will have a beautiful friendship.

- Leo’s care for the opinion of others even if they say they don’t. You know this attitude "I’m a baddie I don’t care what people think" it’s their fake it till you make it but they never make it.

- when u see a air placements and earth placements cry u know it’s very serious for them and they need support 🫶🏻 btw they aren’t touchy so just allow them to cry without judging them.

- libra moons have u healed the fear of being alone?

- put a Pisces or Sagittarius in chart and u will see a psychologist or a person who loves the human brain and behaviour.

- Aries people are the biggest cheerleaders and women have girls girl energy.

- what’s up with mutable signs getting stimulated by a thing and then get bored of it? Like girlyyy why? Where is ur dedication? probably not in the room.

- Virgo men are sooooo messyyy…and rarely take care of their looks or their personal spaces ( I have sooo many examples)

- Pisces is disorganised in everything and it’s almost hilarious until they lose their things and then blame others.

- i will tell this 100 times if it’s needed but if u need help with ANYTHING go to a Capricorn friend. Even just an advice is really helpful. I love y’all sooo muchhh 🫶🏻

- 5th house placements showcase someone who not only is creative but will definitely have a good relationship with kids or will have amazing relationships with their own kids.

- 0 degree placements are showing that you are like the sign it is on. ( I have mars in Taurus in 0 degrees and honestly I act like a Taurus sometimes. The way I care for aesthetics,smells and I’m soooo stubborn in my opinions. it’s sooooo annoying)

- the most hilarious thing is hearing Sagittarius saying they are logical and not control by emotions. ( yeah that was my ex like girly pop u were influenced by every emotion and boredom is one of them. He cried more than me in the span of 2 years. Like okay hahaha babe keep believing ur delusions)

That’s all 🪽

Guys thank u for reading so far and giving a lot of support. I’m soo greatful every single time 🥰 stay healthy and hydrate girly pops 💅🏻

[bluelolblue]

The Ecstasy of Temptation

Summary: During the celebration that the D'Antonio siblings organized, with a bit of too many glasses of wine, the young omega, Santino, unexpectedly went in heat. The only one who could help him handle that was his alpha bodyguard, John, even if that meant breaking the rules of the contract. And he took great care of Santino in his heat.

Rating: Explicit

Relationship: Santino D'Antonio/John Wick

Note: August 12th, (12.8.) 2023 was the day I got registered on ao3, became LittleRealSimp. The day I officially joined. The lore behind this silly username is literally me and my irl bestie sitting in a park and talking about how we're gonna name ourselves there. And we both came up with silly usernames ehehe :P. I can't believe it's already been a year, like what, A WHOLE YEAR! I was lurking on ao3 for a VERY long time, and during summer 2023, I got enough courage to start posting.

This fic is a gift for @mrssimply because really her fics were the ones that helped me get through that summer and inspired me to start working on my own fics. I remember reading those fics on the terrace, at evening, so those are really some of my favorite memories from my vacation. BUT ALSO thank you for being my beta reader, a friend, a support, helping me out so much, and all our conversations, that really means a lot to me! Thank you for reading this, too! I'm so happy you like it! <3

Ahh this all made me emotional. I'm just so happy and can't believe it was already a year, and so much had happened. What a journey, and it's still going!

1 year anniversary of me officially joining on ao3, celebrating with a new fic!

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

Snippet

The D'Antonio siblings threw a celebration over gaining more territory. Gianna was in charge there, greeting guests and having everything under control. Santino, on the other hand, regretted even being there.

He usually liked those celebrations only because he actually felt included and he could drink more wine. The guests were annoying to him probably because most of them were alphas and only a few people knew Santino was an omega. Gianna, his family and John who was assigned as his bodyguard. Who was also an alpha.

John knew he wasn't supposed to have anything with Santino. The contract made that very clear and Gianna's order to him not to react at his heat or his actions during it. He listened of course, but he had to admit, Santino was tempting. The omega didn't want to play by the rules, always teasing John when he had a chance to.

Tonight, John had to keep Santino in his sight all the time. With other alphas around, powerful people, anything was possible. Santino was wearing blockers, he always did when he was around people. He hated the way some alphas would look at him as if they knew.

John kept his distance, watching how Santino was on his second glass of wine and accompanied by a younger alpha. Santino didn't seem interested in the guy, he was just pretending to listen to whatever he was saying.

Luckily, Gianna came to check out the situation. She excused Santino for a moment, going to a private room.

“Don't drink too much, you know how wine affects you,” Gianna reminded him, not looking very pleased.

“I know, don't worry,” Santino reassured her, “Thanks for getting me out of that situation. That guy was not shutting up.”

“Yes, I could tell.” His sister agreed, “Just go easy on the drinks, it could trigger your heat. After all, alphas are all around.”

“I'm wearing blockers, they can't scent me.” Santino fixed his tie, checking himself out in a small mirror on the wall.

Gianna sighed, walking over to him to fix his hair, but the omega moved away.

“Your heat is supposed to come… tomorrow? Or in two days?” Gianna tried to remember his last heat, she has lost track of his cycles ever since he kinda snapped at her for doing that.

Read the rest on ao3

[cherrylite17]

The Heart Killers ep 1 (spoilers ahead)

at first i was (hahah first) like oh? interesting? sex worker khao? and then he said wait for the food and we can go all out with no interuptions and i was like… ahhh hes gonna kill him

ah yes, my favourite! gun salad! POST EPISODE ADDITION: THE GUN SALAD DOESN'T HAVE SILENCERS BUT WHEN THEY KILL THE GUY THEY DO?? THEY NEVER SHOW THEM PUTTING THEM ON???

yall think they (bison and fadel) are called the heart killers (hence the name of the show) because they always shoot their victims in the heart? like that first guy?

ALSO bisexual lighting room. guys I think this might be foreshadowing that fadel and bison aren't straight (and thats my one deep analysis for this episode)

i was lost in though about how rich that style and kant have to be to get TWO LANES at a bowling alley (damn take turns on one lane like the rest of us) when DUNK RAISED HIS ARMS CROP TOP NUMBER 1 BABYYYY

sorry kant baby you sound like a virgin loser giving out bowling advice. I swear if bowling becomes a reoccurring element to this show (they get to include it one more time before i order myself a gun salad)

red room with red curtains and red bedsheets for a red boy (and he works at a red burger joint??? like damn i always thought that some of @respectthepetty 's colour analyses were reaches (in a nice way!! in like a "no way the directors actually put that much thought into putting... idk cop in purple, they just grabbed a shirt i bet") but bison is the reddest boy ever (watch them say hes actually a different colour and i am a silly goofy)) followed by kant picking up his brothers book (which has a suspicious amount of red on it) and looking lovingly at it (no one looks lovingly at Shakespeare) Also the fact that they showed the book makes me wonder if the plot of the taming of the shrew is going to have much to do with this show

but also if bison is red hes def a different shade of red compared to Arc (of perfect 10 liners). I mean Arc has serious anger issues and Bison just wants to be gay (and do crime). hes such a silly goofy guy compared to Arc (at least what we know of the two so far)

i am HATING this upclose shot of kant eating the burger please stop it

excuse me? kant, bison this is a Wendys please stop looking at each other like that

(bison giggling after kant leaves is literally me when i think about my crush)

LOOOOL NOT FADEL CALLING STYLE A PERVERT FOR TAKING HIS SHIRT OFF BUT HE STILL WATCHED ANYWAY

NO seriously i hate these up close eating shots what is the point of them im going to cry and barf? Like surely this isn't going to be some future plot point right?? surely its just an artistic decision (which I hate, but now they have to do this EVERY TIME he eats food lest i complain about them stopping doing it (BECAUSE WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS IF YOU ARENT GOING TO DO IT THE WHOLE SHOW))

"is the taming of the shrew gonna have anything to do with this show"??

the show: bison can only be in a relationship once fadel is in one like come on taming of the shrew

fadel being mean to style (though one could argue style deserves it) and style shouting that hes gonna take fadel out [on a date] like COME ON TAMING OF THE SHREW

in conclusion i feel bad for bison (and babe, they do NOT give younger siblings unless something is gonna happen to them) already

im assuming that kant's dad is dead yeah? what if he got killed (by bison and fadel obviously) (unlikely but what if??? they brought up fathers way too much for one episode it would be weirder if i wasnt suspicious)

anyway, i don't want to have too high of expectations but i love first and khao so i really hope this show delivers 😭

[ultimateissuessimp]

Could you do Cat King x gn reader, they are a mage that came to port Townsend and tried to warn Edwin about using magic on cats. As they escort the dead boy detectives to the King they try to have Thomas go easy on Edwin. Cat King gets a little jealous as to why his partner wants to let Edwin off easy. (Edwin reminds the reader of their younger sibling they haven’t seen in while)

I love, love, LOVE this request SO MUCH! Thank you for giving me the honour of writing it! I hope you like it as much as I enjoyed writing it!

For me? For you.

The Cat King x GN Reader

Word count: 3,041

Warnings: A dead body appearing, but only for a second and without gruesome description, some jealousy coming from the Cat King and a mention of having a dead younger sibling

Y/N had known about the Dead Boy Detectives Agency for quite some time now. They had been watching the two boys' adventures the moment they heard about them, taking care of bigger problems when they encounter them from the shadows, taking on a role of a guardian angel. Well, guardian mage, but the point stands. The reason why they took such interest in those boys was because one of them, Edwin Payne, reminded them of their little brother who died quite a long time ago due to an illness that even magic couldn't cure. They stayed with their brother until Death showed up to collect them.

So the moment they felt their presence in Port Townsend alognside a very skilled medium, they had to finally show themself to the trio. A small lesson in dos and don'ts when it came to this town, something that would not only keep them safe, but also inform them about what could be hiding in it.

Y/N teleported themself into the little apartment that Crystal was renting, scaring the three people inside it to death. Well, at least one of them since the other two were already dead. Immediately Charles got into an offensive stance, ready to fight if needed while Edwin remained cautious and Crystal stood behind both of them, still a bit in shock, a fight or flight mode ready to go in a case of an emergency.

-Who the hell are you and what are you doing here?! - Charles asked, hand at the ready to reach for his cricket bat. At the same time Edwin was thinking of different exits out of the possible danger.

-Calm down, calm down. I come here as a messenger - Y/N said, raising their hands up in defense before crossing them over their chest and looking the trio over. - You could say I've been observing from the shadows what you've been doing for quite some time now. The difference now is that you're in a new place you have no knowledge of. There are dangers here. Rules even. If you like your peace, keep to them. Most important would be to stay away from the cats. Don't even think about using magic on them, you don't want to find out what will happen if you do - they stated, uncurling their index finger as they started talking about the first rule. Then the second one when they mentioned watching out for a witch that lived in Port Townsend, a menace to deal with. Then another one and another one until they were out of fingers to show and rules to tell.

-Why the hell would we believe anything you just said? - Charles asked, suspicious look on his face as he carefully observed Y/N, not even for a second dropping his guard.

-Because I saved your ass so many times you could at least try to trust me. Remember that nasty poltergeist in 30 East Drive, Pontefract? How you got cornered because he smashed all the mirrors and quite literally trapped you inside that house? Yeah, that was me. So have some faith kids. Alright, that should be it. Remember what I said and don't get into any trouble. If you dive, head first, into deep shit, then I don't know how well my influence in town could help to save you. Again - they said before doing a little wave with their fingers and dissappearing in a swirl of black fog.

You'd think that after such a warning, people would listen. Yeah, not Edwin. As much as Charles is stubborn, he's somewhat not dumb enough to not listen to someone who clearly wants to help them, albeit reluctant. Crystal doesn't even know much what to do, so she wouldn't try anything either way, but Edwin... Oh Edwin. Mr. Edwin, Know-It-All, I-Know-Better-Than-You, Why-Should-I-Listen-To-You?, Payne. Of course he would be the one so intelligent, yet so stupidly stubborn, to pull shit like that.

Obviously he just HAD to cast a magic spell on a cat. Now not only does Y/N have to save his ass from a harsh punishment, they also have to deal with a certain moody Cat King that was currently throwing a hissy fit, pacing around and cursing out everything in bloody existence. Y/N rubbed their temples as they listened to their partner rant continously.

-The nerve! Magic! On my cats! They'll be lucky if they walk out of here alive! - Thomas said angrily, running a hand through his hair as he did another circle in front of his throne.

-My love, will you take a deep breath with me, please? I'm sure there's a logical explanation to this. I know you're mad, I understand where that's coming from, I really do, but let's not make rushed decisions okay? - Y/N proposed, walking over to Thomas and stopping him gently by placing their hands on top of his shoulders, before sliding them down his arms to his hands, catching them in theirs and holding tightly.

-Sugar, I don't think there's a logical enough explanation to using magic on my fucking cats - the Cat King hissed out, before finally closing his eyes for a second and taking a deep breath to slightly calm down, not wanting to lash out on his partner.

-I'm sure there is. Will you hear him out at least? - Y/N asked, rubbing soothing circles with their thumbs into the backs of Thomas' hands, wanting to calm him down a bit more.

-Him? Kitty cat, it sounds to me like you know who it was - Thomas said, slight accusation in his voice as he looked at Y/N with his head slightly shifted to the side, eyebrows furred as a scowl started appearing on his face making Y/N cup his cheeks in their hands.

-I think I know who it is for almost a hundred percent, but I've warned them that they would be wise to stay away from your cats - they said, pressing their forehead against Thomas', hoping that they convinced him at least just a bit to go easy on Edwin without particularly saying anything.

-Yet they didn't listen now did they? - The man asked, huffing out some air before wrapping his arms around their waist. - I'll think about being less harsh, but there still must be a punishment. No one gets away with hurting or damaging what belongs to me - he added before planting a kiss on Y/N's lips.

It was finally time for the trio to have a little talk with the Cat King. He had already sent the cat Edwin used the magic on to go and fetch them, but Y/N wanted to be there too before they actually get there to give them another small advice. They promised Thomas that they'll be back soon before they departed in a swirl of black fog like the one before.

-You've done fucked up. What did I tell you, huh? Stay away from the cat and what did you do? You went and used MAGIC on one. Are you out of your mind, Edwin Payne? - Y/N asked with a certain edge to their voice, clearly very annoyed with, mostly Edwin, the group, because there was no guarantee that Thomas would actually go easy on all of them. Especially with all of their smart mouths that only get them into even more trouble.

-I don't see what's all the fuss about. It's just a bit of magic - the ghost teenager said, rolling his eyes sassily before placing his hands on his hips to add even more sass to his statement.

-Don't give me that attitude, young man, you have no idea in what deep shit you are and I specifically told you not to dive head first into any shit. It already took me some time to try and get him to calm down and not send out a swarm of cats to rip you to shreds. Talk any more shit and I won't be able to get your ass out of this one - Y/N said, crossing their arms over their chest as they stared Edwin down before Charles chimed in.

-Him? Who's him? And why is he so important that you speak of him as if he was about to send Edwin back to the pits of Hell? - he asked with a look of confusion on his face as he looked simultaneously at Y/N and the cat that was now sitting a few feet behind them, patiently waiting to continue navigating the group to the warehouse.

-You'll see soon enough. Now come on. There's no time to waste - they said before finally turning sideways and gesturing to their right as an indicator for the teenagers to finally move.

When they got inside the warehouse, Y/N couldn't help, but smile softly and shake their head at their boyfriend's antics. Of course he would put on a show. He wouldn't be the diva cat that he was if he didn't. As they approached the throne and the cats dispersed from before it, leaving only a very massacred body behind alongside three disturbed teenagers with an unfazed mage in front of them, the said teenagers behind Y/N observed the orange cat with confusion and caution written on their faces.

-We were invited to see the Cat King - Edwin said, trying not to let the shakiness in his voice after seeing the dead guy before the be heard.

The trio flinched when the cat disappeared in purple fire, making space for the gorgeous man that is Y/N's boyfriend to appear. They smiled brightly at him and bowed down jokingly, making the Cat King chuckle with endearment, just to get that fire back into his eyes that spoke of danger and anger at not only the disrespect of his rules, but also endangerment of one of his subjects after he saw the group behind his partner.

-Hi - he said as he observed the trio, a faux friendly smile on his face.

-Can all cats do that? - Crystal asked the boys quietly, yet not quiet enough that the Cat King didn't hear which only made him chuckle in amusement.

-"Can all cats do that?" Of course not, I'm a Cat KING - He answered, putting an emphasis on the 'king' part, going full on sass as he usually did. - I can tell you're not the brains of the operation. Sorry, I'm already bored - Thomas added, making a rather mean comment, which he didn't really seem to care about, wanting to get to the center of the problem quickly.

-No need to be rude, darling - Y/N said with a gentle pout to their face before they walked over to where Thomas was sitting and stood right next to the throne, putting their hand on the man's shoulder, a little sign that he could tone it down a bit.

-Hmm - The Cat King only mused before letting out a soft sigh and turning his head towards the cats gathered in the back. - Which one of them used the magic on you? - he asked the cat that fell victim of Edwin's antics.

-The scrawny one that just had the nerve to talk to you - the cat answered, clearly showcasing where the it's personality came from.

That brought out a little 'oh' out of Thomas, before Edwin spoke up again, trying to explain what they were doing and who they were until the Cat King interrupted him.

-Oh I don't care. Using magic on my cats is a total car crash on your part - He said with a cynical smile before lazily pointing with his index towards Edwin. - We... Should discuss your offense. Privately- the man added while standing up from the throne.

Of course Charles didn't like that and tried to stop anything from happening, but Y/N shook their head as a signal not to do it. It would only make the matter worse and they already had a plan of action, so he could screw it up with his little outburst. Edwin talked it out with the other two while Y/N walked over to Thomas and slightly fixed his messy hair, sighing softly as they thought over what to do when they actually go and sort this out.

When the trio came back, Thomas departed himself, Y/N and Edwin to the bedroom they both shared. Weird choice of a place to sort this situation out, but Y/N didn't really question it. Out loud at least.

-So... What should your punishment be? - Thomas said with a large amused grin as he stepped closer towards Edwin.

-How about something that wouldn't involve dangerous things that would result in Edwin going to the afterlife? - Y/N proposed an idea with arms crossed over their chest and eyebrows slightly raised as they looked at their lover with a, just a smidge, pleading look.

-Why not? I don't think that would really be over the top. Seems quite fitting in my opinion - the Cat King said shrugging his shoulders with a smirk as he looked back towards Y/N.

-Please? He just made a mistake. A dumb one, I admit, but it was a mistake. He shouldn't have to lose his ghost life for that - they said, straightening their pose before slightly tilting their head to the side as they kept their gaze only on Thomas.

Clearly he didn't like that constant defending of the boy coming from his partner, so he decided to have a small talk with them off to the side, excusing them both for a moment before guiding Y/N to the one spot he knew Edwin wouldn't see or hear much.

-Why do you care about this ghostly twink so much? What, do you find him cute, is that what it is? I've got to admit, he's quite cute, but I'm literally right here, hello? - Thomas began asking a series of questions, an aura of jealousy surrounding him as he loosely caged Y/N against the wall, his cat personality clearly kicking in as the respect for personal space completely flew out of the window in a matter of seconds when he leaned in so their faces were centimeters away.

-What? No! Kitty cat, he just... He reminds me of Alexander... They both didn't get to grow up and they are similar so much personality wise... I can't help but see Alexander in him, even though I know that he had moved on to the afterlife. Somewhere where I can't follow. Not yet - Y/N explained, letting out a sigh before turning their head and looking off to the side at the clear as day memory of their younger brother filled their mind.

-Shit... I'm sorry, sweetheart. I shouldn't have jumped to conclusions... - He said with a look filled with guilt before he rested his head against their shoulder, wrapped his arms around their waist and closed his eyes. - I'll go easy on him for you. Give him something not too hard to do, looking at the fact that he seems like a clever fella. He will have to stay here for quite some time to do that though - Thomas added after pressing apologetic, small kiss against the skin of their neck and then pulling away a bit to look into their eyes.

-Really? You'll do that for me? - they asked quietly, looking back at Thomas with a soft smile.

-For you. Always for you - he said and leaned it to capture their lips with his own in a sweet, short kiss.

After that they went back to Edwin who was looking around, more than likely looking for a way out, but even if he wanted to run, he would get lost, so that would be unsuccessful.

-Alright. I've got just the right punishment for you - Thomas said, stretching out his arms to the sides slightly with a large grin on his face. - Show me your arm. Come on, I don't have the whole night - he told Edwin, doing a little 'Come on' motion with his hand at the same time he said it out loud.

-For what? - Edwin asked cautiously, clearly not trusting the Cat King. Obviously so. After all he was about to receive a punishment that he had no idea what it was.

-Edwin, just do it - Y/N said, encouraging the teenager with a small smile and a nod of their head.

Finally, the boy agreed, although reluctantly, and stretched out his arm towards the Cat King before pulling it quickly back when a gold bracelet showed up around it.

-What is this? - Edwin asked with suspicion, immediately trying to take it off yet finding himself unable to do so.

-A little piece of jewellery that will keep reminding you of your punishment. All you have to do is count all the cats that reside in Port Townsend. It will also keep you in the town for that time. Until you finish counting of course. Also only the one who put it on can take it off, so I'd recommend hurrying if you want to go back to wherever you came from - the Cat King said, a cheeky smirk on his face as he observed the boy's flabbergasted expression with amusement.

When Edwin started lamenting and protesting that the task was unfair and impossible to do, Thomas explained why he received such a punishment before sending him back to the other two teenagers while Y/N and him stayed back in the bedroom.

Y/N walked over to the Cat King, wrapping their arms around the man's neck and leaning in to press a sweet kiss, thanking him without words while he wrapped his arms around their middle and pulled them close.

-That went well. Next time he pulls something stupid, then you won't be able to save his ass from the harsher punishment though - he said before burying his face in their neck and simply resting there.

-Yeah, yeah, we'll see about that - they said, both of them knowing how different the reality will be if such a thing actually happens. Y/N having so much control over Thomad without trying too much. After all, the Cat King was such a romantic and he hated it.

[nofingjustaninchident]

⛧° you promised you’d come back

⛧° 。 ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆༺♱༻⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ 。°⛧

content: jason grace x pluto!fem!reader blurb

warnings: angst, not a happy ending, interrupted friends to lovers, death of character, really short.

a/n: i know, i know, i have to post the leo fic first. whatever?? i wrote this late night in the hospital in my phone and i cried, so you’re gonna read it and cry too. this one doesn’t even have wc or song cause i literally left it just like i wrote. shits really short. good luck 🫡

⛧° 。 ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆༺♱༻⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ 。°⛧

You didn’t have any news on how the damn quest was going.

No Iris message. No letter. Absolutely no indication that your best friend was still alive. lt was a mix of emotions together, but especially fear.

Fear that maybe he wasn’t alive anymore. Maybe he had finally succumbed to one of those damned quests that your parents put you through, because somehow, they can’t do it on their owns.

But you had to cling to the small light of hope that was alive and that he was okay. After all, he promised you he’d come back.

“Of course i’ll come back, y/n/n. I always do.”

And maybe when you do came back, you thought, i’m finally be able to tell you how much i love you.

But all that hope was completely and totally crushed down the moment that Nico came to your apartment, along with Lester, Meg and Piper.

All of them had a dark and intense gaze, but especially Nico.

You obviously knew about the growing friendship that Jason had with the younger boy. Gods, Jason even talked about him like an older brother talks about his baby sibling.

And that’s when you knew. That’s when it hit you, that’s you’d never see Jason again.

“Y/n… can i come in?” Nico asked, his voice cracked. He instantly cleared his throat and stand up straight, swallowing a lump. “I mean- we. Can we come in?”

You just nodded, the tears already welling up in your eyes.

“Hm… Im really sorry to say this, Y/n, but… Jason didn’t make it. Caligula, he-“ Apollo - Jason’s half brother, cause nothing could be better - said, but you interrupted him with a raise of your hand.

“It’s okay. You didn’t have to come all the way here to talk to me about this. You have a quest to continue, i get it. You can go now.” You said, your voice trying to sound firm and certain.

“Y/n, are you-“ Piper said, reaching out a hand to you.

“Yes.” You said, taking a step back away from her. You and Piper never had the best relationship, and you just thought that she was the last person you’d want around in a moment like this - the girl who first killed Jason. “I’m fine. Really.”

You tried to sound reassuring, but Nico quickly caught in your facade. He cleared his throat again and looked back at the trio behind him. “It’s fine.” He said, and they finally backed off.

Meg was the only one who didn’t. She achtualmy took a step forward and pulled you in to a hug. She was a few inches shorter than you, so it was hard for her, but the hug was very appreciated. You quickly reciprocated, and she finally pulled away. She had puffy eyes and a pout on her lips.

“I’m sorry about him. I know you were close.” She said in a whisper, only to both of you hear, and you smiled. She was sweet. You nodded and whispered back a small ‘thank you’. And then, they finally left.

When you closed the door, you immediately broke into sobs. Your brother was quick to cradle you into his arms, and you just sobbed.

Not that far after, you felt his body also shaking. You didn’t think you ever saw Nico cry, but this was understandable, at least. He was his best friend. He was the best friend to both of you.

“W-why, Nico? It’s- it’s not fair! He’s- he was too young, he-“ You groaned as you sobbed into Nico’s old jacked, damping it completely. Bit you couldn’t find it in yourself to care, not when that happened.

He nodded, caressing your back.

He was gone. Jason was gone. Your Jason. Your best friend. The man you were in love with. The person that you grew to admire, looking up to how kind, generous and intelligent he was.

Your favorite person. Your soulmate.

In the end, all that’s left is a broken promise, a crossed heart and a shattered soul.

[whattimeisitfic]

So I was fucking around with an incorrect quote generator and these are some of the funny prompts I got for Luci and his brothers. Most of them are just Raphael and Gabriel having the pettiest sibling rivalry in existence.

—

Pre-Fall days. Lucifer is still getting the hang of proper utility usage…

Gabriel: Hi could I ask how exactly does one accidentally set a lemon on fire?

Lucifer: Microwave for 40 minutes

Michael: WHY WERE YOU MICROWAVING A LEMON?!

Lucifer: I read boiling lemons helps cover up bad smells and I wanted to cover up the scent of burnt oranges, but I didn’t on any pots…

Raphael: Did you burn an orange too? HOW?!

Lucifer: Microwave for 40 minutes.

—

Gabriel addressing the Council. Probably on some really memorable, meaningful event for him or something.

Gabriel: I just wanted to say that over the years, I have come to regard you as… people I met.

—

Does this need context? Could happen literally any time.

Gabriel: You look mentally ill.

Lucifer: I am. Let’s go.

—

Once again, could realistically happen any time, though more likely in their younger years.

Gabriel: Bet you can’t eat 15 crayons

Raphael: Bet you I can!

Michael: *sips coffee, checks to make sure 911 is still on speed dial and goes back to reading the paper*

—

These two I stg—

Raphael: Can I have some water?

Gabriel: *starts chugging their water bottle*

Gabriel: *chokes from drinking too fast*

Gabriel: *spills water all over themselves*

Gabriel, coughing: I don’t have any water.

—

My man is absolutely clueless in the most adorable way possible. We love him for it tho. Was probably Rals texting him.

Lucifer: Gabriel, what does IDK, ILY, and TTYL mean?

Gabriel: I don’t know, I love you, talk to you later.

Lucifer: Alright, I love you too, I’ll ask Michael

Gabriel: Wait, Lucifer, no—

—

You can’t tell me Lucifer wasn’t a chaotic little shit pre-Fall.

Raphael: I have a question.

Michael: Shoot.

Raphael: Is the S or C in scent silent?

Gabriel: Fuck you, I’m going to be thinking about this all day.

Michael: Okay well, cent is pronounced the same way as scent so I’m gonna say the S is silent

Raphael: Okay, but sent is also spelled the same way

Gabriel: Google says that the C was added in the late seventeenth century, so I guess the S is silent.

Lucifer: Plot twist, both the S and the C are silent and the E actually makes the sss sound

Gabriel: Lucifer is not allowed to talk anymore

—

Once again, plausible any time at present.

Michael: You’e ignoring all your problems.

Lucifer: I know.

Michael: You also know it’s an unhealthy coping mechanism?

Lucifer: I’m ignoring that fact as well

Michael:

—

Lucifer can do no wrong.

Michael: WHOEVER CAUSED THIS MESS IS GOING TO-

Lucifer: it was me

Michael: …Is going to be forgiven because very one deserves a second chance.

—

He lasted all of five seconds, and the he had to sass.

Raphael: Oh, hey, I didn’t see you come in! You should have come by and said hello!

Gabriel: Oh! Yeah, I uh…

Gabriel: Didn’t want to bother you.

Gabriel: Or talk to or listen to or be around you.

—

Back when Lucifer wasn’t recovering from near death, and actually didn’t sleep.

Raphael: Truth or dare?

Lucifer: Truth.

Raphael: How many hours have you slept this week?

Lucifer:

Lucifer: Dare.

Raphael: Go to sleep.

Lucifer: I don’t like this game

—

They had an argument. Typical occurrence.

Michael: You have to apologize to Gabriel!

Raphael: Fine!

Raphael: Unfuck you or whatever!

—

I think this about sums it up.

Raphael: Are you alright?

Lucifer: Short answer or long answer?

Raphael: Short?

Lucifer: No.

Raphael: Long?

Lucifer: Nooooooo

—

I’ll say it again: these two—

Raphael: Guys, I have a question.

Gabriel: kys <3

Raphael: I love you too.

Michael: Ah. Yes. Siblings.

—

If Lucifer ever went out drinking w/ his siblings (u know, to the places that actually serve shit to get him wasted)

Lucifer, clearly drunk: Gabriel, hit me another drink… wooOO HOOoo…

Gabriel: I think you need a therapist and not a bottle

Lucifer: I think yooOOoouu need to shuUT YOUR MOUTH!

—

Last one. You can’t tell me Raphael doesn’t get weird obsessions w/ shows like this and convinces himself he’s gonna somehow end up in a similar situation. Michael is concerned

Raphael: When I get murdered, can you make sure I become an unsolved case?

Michael: wHat?

Raphael: I want to be on Buzzfeed Unsolved

Michael: Can we go back to the part when you said “when I get murdered”?

—

Alright that’s all I got for now ducklings! I just thought it was kind of funny.

If you’re reading this with no context but are interested, consider checking out my Hazbin Hotel Lucifer-centric fic on AO3 What Time Is It. I try to update daily and do my best to answer all comments ;)