#literally so fucking close
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#tried to donate plasma since I’m dead broke#was SO CLOSE#literally so fucking close#got there at 1:10#I’m leaving now at 2:45#🙃🙃🙃🙃#did all the dumb questions#talked to the super chill nurse#and then she’s like#‘sorry we need your doctor to fill out the forms about your severe depression to make sure it’s safe’#:((((((((#what would help my depression right now is being able to get some money#bah humbug#I just feel like I wasted so much time for nothing#whatever whatever I’m fiiiiiiine#shut up rosie
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on a completely separate note; shizun luo binghe with a disciple shen yuan who fell into the abyss??? *thinks about LBH canonically stealing SQQ's corpse for 5 years* he'd hallucinate i think. like, like visual and audial hallucinations.
Keeps thinking he's seeing SQQ in the corner of his eyes, or wandering between the trees, amongst a group of disciples. Thinks he hears him calling for him, but its just the wind or another disciple.
Gets Xiu Ya reforged but patently fucking refuses to make a sword mound. Because his disciple Is Not Dead :))) There was No Body. He's Not Dead. And If You keep Insisting That He Is, He's Gonna Skewer You :). He's holding onto Xiu Ya so he can return his most favored disciple's sword when he returns. It's on his hip right next to Zheng Yang where it's supposed to be.
Also this motherfucker?? does not sleep btw. He has the image of SQQ, wide eyed and hysterical and standing at the mouth of the abyss burned into his fucking eyelids. Can't use the dreamscape to escape it either because he keeps trying to save him and either he does and it's an incredibly cruel trick to wake up to, or he doesn't and he gets his heart broken in several different pieces again.
There is no convincing this man that Shen Qingqiu is dead. Absolutely nothing at all. He is buried so deep in denial that moles would be jealous of how deep he is. He keeps making tea for two in the bamboo house only to remember that it's just him. SQQ's fans are hiding everywhere, little reminders of his presence. He goes to wake up SQQ on the mornings he sleeps in-- only to find the room empty.
#svsss#luo binghe#svsss au#scum villain#scum villian self saving system#shen yuan#shen qingqiu#disciple shen yuan#lbh. visibly exhausted and with twitchy eyes: im fine :) | everyone else: ho no the fuck you ARENT.#SQQ was hysterical not because he found out LBH was half-demon but bc he was having a long-awaited mental breakdown over his autonomy :)#or (limited) lack thereof. he was having a sudden onset crisis of mortality and was handling at quite literally the WORST time. oops#im thinking very hard that LBH would never push his disciple into the abyss especially with no system to force him to. so SQQ either#had to goad him into it (failing always) or throw himself in. he ended up doing it himself but not before some very impressive hysterics.#BUT ALSO. IF THIS HAD BEEN WHERE SQQ WAS THE HALF-HEAVENLY DEMON INSTEAD IT WOULD'VE BEEN SO GREAT.#and by great i mean horribly angsty bc SQQ is NOT doing too hot and has. in very SY-like fashion. convinced himself that LBH will kill him#when he finds out he's a demon. so when it comes out i have this mental image of him lunging at LBH and LBH flinches back. but SQQ wraps hi#hands around the blade of Zheng Yang and yanks it up so the tip of the blade is digging into his chest where is heart is. LBH can't yank th#sword away without risking slicing into SQQ's hands. SQQ's hair has fallen out of its tail/bun and is now messily spilling down his#back and its NO helping the kinda deranged look he has going on. he's visibly shaking and his eyes keep flittering away and back at LBH's#face. SQQ is looking at the messages from the system warning him that he has to go into the abyss or punishment will occur. he's like.#rambling though. talking about how shizun doesn't *like* unclean things and there is nothing more unclean than a demon. like he is#INSISTING. LBH can't?? get a fucking word in. actually. SY isn't listening that much either anyways. too overwhelmed with the system and#the amount of stress he's under and his crumbling mental state and the innate and primal desire to live even when he's standing in front of#his own executioner. it all ends with him sitting on the ground at the lip of the abyss with his hair falling in his face. he looks so#unkempt and fallen apart and so distinctly *non-Shen Qingqiu* that LBH feels physically ill over it. tears are streaming down SQQ's face#and despite everything he is smiling. its not a nice smile. its a very frayed falling apart at the seams about to crack smile.#he tells shizun not to worry about staining his blade with this disciple's filthy blood because this disciple will take care of it himself.#and then he falls into the abyss before luo binghe can so much as grab him. the only reason LBh doesn't literally jump in after him is bc#he was numb with shock and the abyss was already closed before he could feel his legs again :]
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friend wanted to see my tumblr, and when i told him i can’t show it to him bc it’s basically my personal diary he went “oh so I can’t see it but a bunch of strangers on tumblr can??” he literally does not get me. no one will get me like the people in my phone get me
#It’s just so different#even though it’s public it still feels secret and safe. i feel comfy sharing a lot more on here than I do in my actual day to day life lol#in my head I’m also just speaking to myself 90% of the time which helps#if a friend off tumblr saw my thoughts I’d feel so weird ab it#esp bc they might get the vagueposting about certain situations and tell mutual friends#no thank u. this is for me. I’m not about to start censoring my thoughts bc someone I know knows my tumblr#u guys literally saw me have LIVE BREAKDOWNS#meanwhile I’ll have the worst fucking day in history and tell no one about it. I’m already cripplingly private but way more so in real life#this is basically a low stress journaling outlet for me. it’s so important for me to maintain the separation#like this is actually my diary & has been so handy for letting out emotions / articulating thoughts / staying on track !!#& I’ve met so many kind people on here who actually get me. which is so hard to find irl bc I’m surrounded by pre-med gunners/overachievers#who are by standard not very good w emotion & can be competitive/judgmental. or at least it’s hard for me to be vulnerable in front of them#and I’m part of that crowd so I reserve my emotions only to a handful of very close friends#it’s nice to hop on here and express negative emotions!! or positive emotions!! just whatever I want and it’s low stress and people get me#I don’t have to worry about judgment or competitiveness etc etc#like everyone on here is so kind & nice & understanding. & just a breath of fresh air from the types I run w. it’s just nice to have this#so idk that’s why I think I’ll always be strict about keeping the worlds separate. it just works#p
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Chapters 46 and 47 were…….oh my god
#maccadam#transformers#jazz#prowl#jazzprowl#Optimus Prime#optimus#fic fanart#momu fanart#I was so fucking normal about those chapters you wouldn’t even know I was reading#if you like#close your eyes and ears#OP being a good friend is totally valid reason to cry in 3 am#(trusting me trusting you)#spontaneously combusts#I can literally feel this fic changing my brain chemistry
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ARCANE LEAGUE OF LEGENDS: 2x01 - “Heavy is the Crown” ↳ "I know you doubt your merit of your birthright, Caitlyn. There's wisdom in that. But remember: You're a Kiramman."
#last post for a bit bc i will take a short break#arcane#arcaneedit#arcane league of legends#caitlyn kiramman#jayce talis#ambessa medarda#councilor salo#councilor shoola#caitlyn#jayce#ambessa#salo#shoola#type: gif#media: arcane#arcane season 2 spoilers#s2 ep1#katie leung's delivery in this scene was amazing with this new hardened caitlyn... my jaw was on the floor#and then when cait said shut up i immediately closed my mouth oop LMFAO (also ambessa's face damn she defo notices her potential)#and then jayce hesitating for JUST A LIIIIITLE BIT THERE my heart....... hextech now being used for weapons :((((#ALSO this is so caitlyn she literally just told THE council what she wants to do just like how she does back then in s1 when marcus was#complaining about caitlyn not obeying orders and going off on her own lol#S1 Caitlyn…. who wanted nothing to do with the Kiramman name who wanted to forge a path on her own…#but S2 Caitlyn Kiramman driven by grief anger and guilt#finally accepts her birthright becoming into the woman she thinks her mother wants her to be and accepting a position#thats “befitting her station” as a full on commander and leader for piltover#but is this what cassandra truly wanted?????#Does she truly know what she is shooting for???? An anger fueled revenge tour just to kill jinx???#goddamn this show. fucking spectacular
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on the one hand I think inner demons could stand to have a bit more romanced rook specific content, but on the other hand the underlying in-built implication that 'yours is the one true voice of comfort and safety in my inner world' is a sentiment and intimacy so way beyond the romantic or the platonic or any secret third thing you could care to name that it makes me lose my entire poor little mind a bit. it's so big and fundamental — near-existential — that in that exact moment at least the distinctions kind of seem irrelevant.
all the people lucanis' mind conjures up along the way are relationships he has that are unavoidably mixed and fraught in some ways even when they're also full of love (they are fraught BECAUSE they're full of love) — the good in them inseparable from things that hurt him at the same time. (it's about: the basic disorganized attachment patterns this poor guy is dragging around with him. careful with those, they're dellamorte heirlooms. what you love also inevitably hurts you and you won't be allowed to have one without the other, you have to surrender parts of your soul to hold on to what little you have left: this is the story up until now.) and the idea that rook isn't that to him — that beneath the fear of wanting them when romanced (which is more its own separate thing because within this psychology, actively wanting something and not just clinging on for dear life to even a meager status quo lest you lose it is in itself dangerous bordering on catastrophic), this is a relationship where there isn't resentment, or guilt, or shame, or dread, or rage, or self-hate, or any of the other emotions that keep him paralyzed, unable to move this way or that. no debts, nothing owed of yourself and your soul's substance except what you can freely and safely and happily give. love and freedom don't coexist — but, I mean, you're almost starting to make me think........... unless...👀👀👀. the unconditional and undramatic 'you are here and I am here with you, you can be exactly how you are right now with me and it's safe for us both even though you're afraid it won't be, I'm not going anywhere' acceptance rook shows him here that he returns to them in the big romance scene, when it's rook who needs it. the way he's just. standing there in the center of it all, like a child desperately helplessly waiting to be found, hiding in the place he hopes you'll know to look first. (rook does know. it's one of the first things they say in there.)
in short the most important room in his little mind palace for the romance is the very first room — the one where rook isn't. where, in fact, rook cannot be, because they disprove the entire structure of the place with their existence and presence in his life. with everyone else he's putting words in their mouths about what they think of him, and rook is the one who actually gets to come in to speak their own words to him — and have him listen. ('he'll listen to you, he always listens to you', 'your voice is a comfort'.) of course rook isn't present anywhere else in there — at the risk of stating the obvious to a tedious degree, they aren't one of the locks, they're bringing the key. in the very finest 'the messenger and the message' sort of way.
#dragon age#dragon age: the veilguard#dragon age: the veilguard spoilers#dragon age spoilers#lucanis dellamorte#rook x lucanis#rookanis#dragon age meta#rook is his first brush with actual safe attachment. and to me and because of who I am as a person#nothing could be more romantically devastating or impactful fhdsjkfhs that's literally the unreachable wistful dream the pie in the sky#the garrus romance echoes too. some of the same stuff going on under the hood here#you know who else he's sneakily like too actually? iron bull. the 'no matter where I turn I'll hurt someone I love' and dissociation stuff#there's that whole line about 'walking close to the edge or whatever'#which is masterful as a diversion b/c what this romance is really about is feeling truly safe with someone#in a sort of weirdly realistic way that makes it struggle with the conventions of video game romance but sure is Doing something!#and I unwittingly made a rook who also is on that specific arc so it's working out just devastating for me thanks for asking#the part in andrea gibson's 'prism' that's like. there is no shelter in the womb it's where you learn the cord that feeds you#could at any moment wrap around your neck. I think that's the initial understanding of love here. which is not good. if you think about it.#I don't think I really write these kinds of posts btw I just black out for a while and when I wake up from the trance I too#get to read what the fuck I've been thinking about finally. corralling that raging electric storm#that keeps overtaking my neurons at regular intervals and translating it into if not sense then certainly words. lots of words#no one is ever more surprised than me to find out what i'm thinking and feeling
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heard it was year of the dragon : 0 also been trying to learn clip studio more
#artists on tumblr#sketchbook stuff#no art summary this year haha got very chill? plus didn't draw a lot this year (or at least the past few months)#buT I did draw something for new years fdghjf#how the fuck do people use screentones hAHA#thanks to everyone who's still hanging around or found my stuff haha#also I think it's absolutely fucking wild some peeps are getting very close to following me for 10 years >:'D#edit: ohhhhhhh man I checked when my first post was in the archive which was november 2013 so this tumblr is literally 10 years old FDJFKH
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CENTURY OF LOVE (2024) I 1.04 "Vee is the fox that conceils himself in Ms. Wad's fate. Like the nine-tailed fox that possessed the consort Daji."
#century of love#century of love the series#userrlaura#userrlana#uservix#userspicy#usersasa#userpharawee#userbon#sanvee#san x vee#daouoffroad#daou pittaya#offroad kantapon#bl series#thai bl#this scene was a serve from start to finish#the nails the hair the lighting the tension#offroad's acting was fucking amazing bc i would have folded like a lawn chair#also san literally knows martial arts and yet in his dreams his method of fighting vee off is just closing his eyes#so he doesn't see how attractive he is#my guy i think your subconscious is trying to tell you something so you better start listening#and he was kissing him back too so let's not fucking lie#mywork
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Daniel uses first karting helmet design for his 250th grand prix 💫 | Austria 2024
#im like THIS close to bawling#the sitting on the ground pretend karting was SO STUPID IM ILHSM I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE#LITERALLY JUST PLEASE JUST FUCKING GIVE HIM EVERYTHING#daniel ricciardo#f1#*#**#austrian gp 2024
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Pre-wedding photoshoot for their very gay, Ferrari-themed, wedding
#They drive me insane#gosh theyre so meant to be together#theyre literally so gay the photographer asked them to hold hands#just get married already#still waiting for that sex tape#It took me 2 hours to get rid of that fucking horrendous 3d gunk title#I had to reconstruct half of carlos face so im sorry if he looks a little weird#you can close one eye and look at him from far away to and you wouldnt notice#charles leclerc#16#carlos sainz#55#1655#charlos#c2#mine
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i love when ppl draw bumblebee like the happy little creachure he is but also i love when people draw bumblebee like he's had 500 beers in the last 1 hour and still the pain won't even ebb
#bonus when they do both by making him just utterly psychotic but he smiles so no one notices#i am a shameful idw bee enjoyer but like in the tired af ppl pleasing libra girl who needs a therapist so fking bad but#has 700000 billion duties and 900000000 billion expectations and mean bitches in his ear telling him hes stupid#sense#and not the he feels like an officer sense like no my queen is just a teachers pet doing her best which is her worst im afraid#anyways i love bee hes very indignant and a bitch but also im gonna stand beside her sorry#u do not understand how powerful it was to give him a cane . a literal crutch to hold onto to feel stronger even when ratchet says he doesnt#have to anymore but yet bee still insists bcs he doesnt have time for the repairs itll take when others cannot survive#and 2 it comforts him with support and also power and so he cradles it close with the idea of him being weak & needing smthing else#to make him strong#even tho at this point it's rlly just for comfort but he cant afford to allow himself to have comfort when others cant#or dont need it in his heroism ideals (specifically optimus being seen as so much stronger than him)#optimus also had bee tho. had him. but bee is so self conscious he just sees all his failures surrounding optimus & views himself not a#crutch to lean on but a crutch to optimus' character#he rlly needed rodimus and his fiery upbeat persona so they could fake it till they made it together and he left & fucking exploded#(in bees eyes)#like idk im just obsessed with this little tryhard loser#he islike a sad little clingy mother who refuses to think herself as human. she is just mother. lives off evrryones accomplishments#never her own#idk like hes so interesting tonme i want to kill him teehee#chew on him like sponge cak#bumblebee#transformers#tf bumblebee#tf idw#idw#tf#????#maccadam#i hate not knowing waht tag to use
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regret
#literally excuse the shitty anatomy and cell shading i was thinking abt chuuyas reaction to what he'd done and i decided to make it skk#bc skk copium :')#the way i've hated dazai so fucking much but i still cried like a bitch when he died#he's not dead the bsd fandom has this phase like the elevator chapter where we're like ''dazai's not gonna make it he's done for!!''#and then he comes back next chapter like surprise bitches yall thought i was dead lmao#this chapter fucking HURT for skk shippers tho like we rly lost this time around huh#deluding myself into thinking that chuuya used gravity manipulation to slow the bullet#bc we didn't see a bullet hole behind dazais head like when chuuya shot his shoulder even though the bullet to his skull was fired at close#the reason theres a wound is bc the compressed air that was still fired was enough to wound him#and the shock wave that followed caused him to pass out bc of the sudden tension to his head intermingled with the blood loss and poison#we also know dazai can control his heart rate at will so maybe he can drop his pulse to zero for like thirty secs#enough to make fyodor believe he's dead#in the event that all of this is untrue and dazai rly does die the way my entire being will go numb and cold and dead#knowing that fyodor will most likely use dazai's death as a weapon against chuuya effectively chaining him to his side#like bffr chuuya may dislike dazai but that's his partner his reflection the boy that makes him desperately want to be human#dazai is the embodiment of chuuyas humanity and once chuuya loses that tether to his human side he will snap and the facade will shatter#and we will truly see chuuya unhinged with nothing more keeping him bound to his mortal shell#this wasn't the skk reunion we wanted asigiri what the fuck :(#bungou stray dogs#bungo stray dogs#bsd#nakahara chuuya#chuuya nakahara#osamu dazai#dazai osamu#skk#soukoku#lotus draws
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screaming very loudly
#xingyun#chongqiu#xingqiu#chongyun#dotcircledotart#genshin impact#genshin#genshin fanart#xingqiu genshin impact#chongyun genshin impact#原神#GIVE ME HIS SKIN GIVE IT GOVE IT GIVE IT GIVE IT GIVE#i’m losing my fucking MIND AND I CANNOT DO THIS ANYMORE#please i’m so close this is literally the reason i came back to genshin at all xingqiu the hold you have on me
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Thinking about Mav being unsure of what Ice's eye color is
Of course he's not going to do the normal thing and ask the man, so he settles for finding ways to get up close and personal to try and see for himself without being obvious (-> he fails)
But every time he gets a close enough look they're different. One day they look blue but the next they look hazel. One moment they look brown but then he turns his head and a different light catches on them and they look almost green
It turns into one big game of "How close will he let me get? How much will he let me see?" And it's not until he's gotten to the point of being a breath away from Ice's face- close enough to brush lips- and standing under the bright white LEDs that he realizes that they're gray
#remove the the “r” and they're gay too#mav going insane because he can't narrow down ice's eye color while everyone else also goes insane because they're so fucking tired of the-#bullshit icemav courting ritual they're all being subjected to#mav is NOT subtle#what's that? you want to know they color of your wingman's eyes?#you could've just asked but no you want to get “close and personal”. ok gayboy#this was inspired by the fact mav refers to Ice as “Ice Eyes” in the novel#there is nothing normal about these freaks#top gun#pete maverick mitchell#tom iceman kazansky#icemav#maverick x iceman#iceman x maverick#long suffering rios#<- because you can't tell me goose (if he lived) and slider are not constantly banging their heads into the wall#as well as literally anyone in the general vicinity of icemav#they are SO stupid#5+ 1 fanfic when?#i cannot write for shit but if anyone does i will have your hand in marriage#val kilmer my mfing beloved#and his beautiful eyes
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“Homura can't stand the idea of moving on. So she's isolating madoka from everyone who's ever cared about her.” Are you fucking stupid? She literally rewrote the entire universe so that Madoka could be happy with her parents and her little brother, so that Sayaka could have another chance with Hitomi and Kyoske, so that Kyoko can have a life with Sayaka, she literally revived Mami and Nagisa and gave them a life together. What the fuck do you mean she's “isolating Madoka from everyone who's ever cared about her??”
The only person she's isolating Madoka from is herself because she knows Madoka will regain her godhood sooner ot later and she knows that her desire for Madoka and her friends to be happy will directly rebel against Madokami's rules that require Madoka to die to maintain order to the broken world that traps Magical Girls in their cycle of hope and despair, even if maintaining order means making hard choices and sacrifices, which in this case, is Madoka sacrificing herself again and again not only because she cares so much for others but because she cares so little for herself whilst Homura is the only one who can see that she's so much more than her sacrifice and that she shouldn't reduce herself to a means to an end.
She took Madoka's immortality for herself to spare her of anymore loneliness in Heaven as a trapped Goddess. She literally gave Madoka and the rest of her friends a second chance at life and you people have the audacity to just blatantly fucking lie on her to justify hating her for how she reacts to the psychological torture of having to watch the love of her life and her friends die for 12 years worth of time loops then to live in a world where no one remembers the girl she loves but her. Let something like that happen to you at the age of 14 and then come and talk to me about Homura. Idgaf that she's a fictional character. If y'all continue to treat her like a heartless monster that deserves to be “held accountable for her actions,” then I'll defend her like the traumatized 14 year old child that she actually is. Fuck off and stay away from Madoka Magica. It clearly isn't for you.
#pmmm#puella magi madoka magica#mahou shoujo madoka magica#puella magi madoka magica rebellion#pmmm rebellion#madoka magica#madomagi#homura akemi#madoka kaname#madohomu#rant#im so pissed tell me you watched rebellion with your eyes closed especially the last 10 minutes#where she literally EXPLAINS why she did what she did like are you literally stupid#no i will not calm down im fucking sick of these idiots with literally no reading comprehension skills thinking#their opinions on homura are facts when they can't even comprehend how different ppl react to trauma#without demonizing them for it. homura antis are victim blamers and deserve the worst in life idfc
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PILLS - ST. VINCENT (MASSEDUCTION)
#falloutposting#fallout#cooper howard#lucy maclean#maximus fallout#the ghoul#the ghoul fallout#norm maclean#rose maclean#janey howard#lee moldaver#vaultghoul#vaultknight#fallout tv show#fotv#fallout prime#fallout amazon#fallout edit#note: FALLOUT SHOWRUNNERS YOU BETTER SHOW A MOMENT OF KID MAX HAPPY NEXT SEASON#GOD I WAS THIS CLOSE TO INCLUDING HIM AS A KID IN THE “COME ALL YOU CHILDREN” PART#BUT THAT WAS HIM AS A KID ON QUITE LITERALLY THE WORST DAY OF HIS LIFE#SO I CAN'T INCLUDE IT IN GOOD CONSCIENCE#SHOW ME HAPPY KID MAX OR I'LL FUCKING MAKE YOU#cw blood#cw gore#tw blood#tw gore#cw decapitation#cw death
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