#literally only one of our fryers are working

[rainknow]

work group chat was so wild today and I never text in there but today I just had to text "wage slavery"

[kararisa]

darling, starling

— 9. iridescence — ✦ (wc: 0.6k)

“Is this going to take any longer?” you ask.

It’s an interesting feeling, having Scaramouche in your lap while he does your makeup. The side of his palm gently rests against your cheek as he does your eyeliner, his brow furrowed in concentration while you rest against the cushions of your sofa. His indigo hair and indigo eyes are barely illuminated by the dimmed lights of your living room, an insistence of his even at your protest of the horrid lighting for makeup.

“It’ll only take a moment longer,” he responds.

“You said that ten minutes ago,” an over-exaggeration on your part, but you couldn’t see how a makeover could take so damn long.

Scaramoche grins, his voice dripping in mock innocence, “Perfection takes time. Or however that saying goes. I’m not used to putting makeup on another person so just cooperate with me, will you?”

You do your best to glare at Scaramouche as he finishes up your eyeliner. The two of you have been at this for a while now, bantering while he does your makeup. When he finishes, whenever that may be, the two of you will swap places so you can give him a makeover in return. Admittedly an interesting arrangement to re-enact for a scene in his book, but you have to admit it’s been alright so far. He isn’t terrible, he just takes too long for your liking.

“Part your lips a bit. I’m putting lipstick on you,” you oblige, and Scaramouche continues while he dabs color on your lips. “Our ruse has been quite effective so far. But people seem to think we’ve been in love for longer than we’ve been dating.”

Amusement colors your voice, “I mean, I like to think it makes our whole act more effective.”

He finally leans back to inspect his work after what seems like forever and declares that he’s done — time for you to switch places. He gets off you to take a seat by your side. You take the opportunity to reposition yourself and straddle him.

Only to get a proper look at him while you give him a makeover, of course.

A few minutes of silence pass when Scaramouche speaks up, “The whole point of me asking you to do this was for us to talk. So talk.”

“Like what, the groceries?”

“Doesn’t matter. Just talk.”

“Well,” you pause, twisting the makeup sponge in your hand before getting back to work. “I think we’re running out of eggs? And we only have a little bit of flour left.”

“Did you add it to the list on the fridge?”

“I already did, smartass. You were the one who told me to talk.” you laugh slightly when you see him glaring at you, and you move your other hand to rest on his shoulder. “Stop looking all grumpy like that. You’re gonna make me mess up.”

“I am not ‘looking all grumpy’.”

“Oh, you definitely are.” you chide, dabbing his cheek with your makeup sponge. “Ooooh is my grumpy face mad at me?”

“Shut up and just get this over with, will you?” Scaramouche averts his gaze. “Absolute terror.”

You move on to doing his eyeliner before you continue talking, “I could help you cook dinner tonight if you want.”

“Absolutely not,” he answers curtly. “You’re still banned from the kitchen.”

“The thing that happened with the air fryer wasn’t even that bad.” you protest.

“Do I need to remind you what happened? You quite literally –”

“Okay fine, maybe I should leave the cooking to you today. But one day you’ll lift my ban from my own fucking kitchen.”

“Not happening until you learn how to actually cook.”

“Gonna need a good teacher for that, so why don’t you teach me?” you jest

He gives you an incredulous look before responding, “Sure. Whatever. Are you done with my eyeliner yet?”

“Stop moving and I’ll get done quicker.”

✧— previous — masterlist — next —✧

summary: being the world-famous singer-songwriter "zenith", the limelight has been on you ever since the start of your career. however, the media becomes relentless when leaks of music you never meant to release begin to circulate. your friend scaramouche, meanwhile, seems to have gotten stuck while writing his second book. with a deadline fast approaching, he comes to you with a deal: act as if you're dating him so he can gather reference material and, in turn, he'll help keep the press' eyes off of your leaks until you release your next album. a win-win in your book, so why not help a friend out?

author's notes:

they're definitely not in love guys trust me

taglist — currently OPEN:

@aestherin @unsterblich-prinz @yourstrulykore @krnzysh @syriiina @yumiaur @featuredtofu @kodzusmiles @meigalaxy @fangygf @motherscrustytoenailclippings @samyayaya @hiimera @beriiov @e0nssadrift @dazaisboner @nillajhayne @chluuvr @nillajhayne @deffenferofjustice @romyoia @xiaomainlmao @hotgirlshit5 @potabletable @letthewindlead @esuz @toriiee @kclremin @angelkazusstuff @phoenix-eclipses @sakiimeo @mayuumine @ako-ang-mahal-ko @only-cherry-blossom @keiiqq @what-just-happened-huh @n3r0-1417 @haunts-gh0st @layla240 @mamafly @duckyyyx @certified-shrimp @kgogoma @xtobefreex @aeongiies @mechanicalbeat1 @meidnightrain @nordicbananas @feiherp @erzarq

[diabetes-365]

Hey tumblr friends, fellow diabetics. I just watched a rather mediocre movie with well known actors, and although the movie was far from Oscar worthy, it got me thinking about my life with diabetes.

The movie is Spiderhead, don’t bother lol. Chris Hemsworth and Miles Teller, idk who roped them into it - or how much Netflix was paying them, but here I am posting on tumblr at 2 AM about it haha. (No major spoilers ahead).

The movie is about drugs given to inmates and tests done on them. In this day in age, they convey that effect on a phone - a simple swipe of the finger and the test subject (a person) is given whatever dosage of this drug, and it effects them immediately, and if too much is given, it can be lethal.

Sound…familiar?

My phone, has an app that’s connected to a device on me (CGM), that displays blood sugar numbers every few minutes. In the very near future, my Omnipod PDM, personal diabetes manager, will be integrated into that app, or a separate app, and everything will be done a phone. One, single point of failure. To me - it’s scary to think about.

Also - crazy coincidence - but the other day I just so happened to run into someone the other day at a coffee shop - who’s literally working for Omnipod and that future that I just mentioned. He said he was a developer working on the software - being a product manager myself for software, and someone who’s literally wearing an Omnipod, I had a bit of a chat with him. I actually told him my fears too, about a single point of failure, and ya know - what if someone hacks my phone?!

There will be a future where your blood glucose level AND your insulin management, happens from one device. To me that seems inevitable. And to me, that’s terrifying. Imagine someone hacks your phone and cranks the insulin dosage up, or does the reverse and turns it off. Accidentally or maliciously. I don’t know about you - but thoughts about this type of thing comes up frequently for me.

Not the hacking of a device per day, that shit can and probably will happen - but what comes up more is…the fragile mortality us type 1 diabetics have because of our dependency on insulin, and devices.

Now granted this movie is in the future (it appears so), and it’s ridiculous in nature…but it still somehow finds its way to fuck with my brain.

It’s almost the same way a zombie movie fucks with me. As a type 1 diabetic, I would be - barring any zombie bites to the group - I would be the first to die. Even if we made it to a pharmacy during Armageddon - there’s simply only enough insulin for x amount of time, and when there’s no more, I die.

I know, I KNOW, this is fucked up to think about. But when your life is run by numbers every single solitary second, and your only alive because this solution inside of a vial - you think about things differently.

I mean, when I hear a electronic beeps out in public, I’m not sure if it was me - or if it’s just a noise of a chicken fryer, or a truck, or something else. I’ll literally check my Omnipod JUST to be sure I’m not in any danger.

Granted - I’m extremely and utterly privileged in my life that even when something goes wrong with my pump or CGM or blood sugar - I’m most likely able to fix the issue myself, or get assistance before I’m in a true near death scenario. Despite that, I still have fears.

I mean for fuck sake I’m watching a futuristic movie about drugs in inmates and all I think is…yeah I know what that’s like. The prisoners in this movie are “free” to roam the premises, they can play video games, ping pong, nothing is locked, but things are fhat way because they agree to the experiments.

Diabetic life is kind of similar - in that we are free, we can run marathons, climb Everest, do incredible feats - but we are bound to this ever present threat. A threat on our very lives.

I’ve spoken on here many times about how - how I do feel strong, despite diabetes. I know right now it seems like I’m being incredibly morbid, pessimistic? Idk.

I have always been real on tumblr, and that’s what I’m trying to be. I do feel at times, incredibly fragile because of this disease. This movie made me feel a button press away from death, and when I stop and think about it - it scares me. Like if someone truly wanted to, they could snatch my PDM without me noticing, get passed the code, and then destroy me.

I suppose, life’s fragile for anyone really. I’m just up late at night talking about someone killing me, and yet tomorrow I could get t-boned by a semi truck while driving to the grocery store. Ok yeah, definitely being morbid, but just being real.

Technology has saved me though. Insulin’s mass manufacturing, Omnipod, and CGM’s. It’s really incredible what’s even changed since I was diagnosed in 2011. Things have gotten smaller, better, easier to use, and I now have more information than ever at finger tips too.

So what are your thoughts? When you watch zombie movies or futuristic movies, does your min run wild with what you’d do or where’d you go? Does your mind jump to - how much insulin is in your fridge right NOW?! Or am I the only one losing my mind lol.

Just…don’t hack my phone, or my PDM, and I’ll sleep better at night. 🤣

[musical-shenanigans]

Show #1

Title: The Supreme Yellow Brick Moon Edition

Release Date: April 28, 2021

I want to be embarrassed by this show, but there are some rather good takeaways.  The sound is not horrible as I would have thought, although once I introduce the third person, the mixes get a little rougher.  Dave is not here (insert your own Cheech and Chong joke), and this is really the start of what would become Musical Shenanigans.

The whole WQRZ thing dates back to 2020 when I was hosting a "radio station" over Teams at work.  We had all been home for longer than the planned two weeks after Friday March, 13, 2020 when the world shut down (and most of us are still working remotely).  I got bored and started playing around with Audacity, mixing in songs, and doing something of a morning show, hence the Cory in the Morning moniker that hopefully disappears on this podcast.  I did manage to get a spot on the local news for bringing music and laughs to my coworkers - and honestly, it was only about thirty people, as it was kept inside our department.  I did different themes for each show and played music.  An mp3 file was delivered through Teams on the mornings I had time to drop them, and a good time was had by all.  So there is the WQRZ back story.  It is long gone, but it served its purpose well, and may it rest it in peace.  There were some great bits on there, by the way.

Boudreau's Cajun Fryer is one of the bits that came from the WQRZ days.  I was having too much fun with creating different voices and characters and every show needs a commercial, right?  Right?  So, I created these fake commercials, and some even had elongated and protracted back stories - I was also adjusting to a world that was literally shutdown and adjusting to being in the house with the same people day after day after day after day.  But, a lot of quality time with my kids came out of it, and for that, I am a little thankful.

Otherwise, on this show, Scott and I went through these picks way too fast.  This was clearly early in the development of what is Musical Shenanigans today, but we had to start somewhere.  And there is the back story of how Scott became the "O" in HELP! 

The Albums, as described by ChatGPT

"The Supremes Anthology" is a compilation album by The Supremes, an American female singing group active from 1959 to 1977. The album features a selection of the group's most popular songs, including "Baby Love," "Stop! In the Name of Love," and "You Can't Hurry Love." The tracks showcase The Supremes' signature Motown sound and the powerful vocals of lead singer Diana Ross. This album is a comprehensive collection of some of the greatest hits from The Supremes and is considered an essential addition to any Motown or classic pop music library.

"Goodbye Yellow Brick Road" is a critically acclaimed album by English singer-songwriter Elton John, released in 1973. The album features some of Elton John's most famous songs, including the title track, "Bennie and the Jets," and "Saturday Night's Alright for Fighting." With its blend of rock, pop, and theatrical elements, the album showcases Elton John's unique style and musical talent. The lyrics often have a nostalgic or introspective tone and are set to lush and ornate musical arrangements. The album was a commercial success and has since been regarded as one of Elton John's best works. It remains a staple of classic rock radio and is widely considered to be one of the greatest albums of all time.

"The Dark Side of the Moon" is a groundbreaking album by English rock band Pink Floyd, released in 1973. It is widely considered one of the greatest albums of all time and has sold over 50 million copies worldwide. The album is a concept album that explores themes of life, death, time, and human emotion, using a combination of rock, blues, and experimental music. The songs are linked by atmospheric sound effects, spoken word samples, and instrumentals, creating a cohesive and immersive listening experience. The album's iconic cover art, designed by Storm Thorgerson and Hipgnosis, adds to its mystique. "The Dark Side of the Moon" remains Pink Floyd's most commercially successful album and is considered a classic of progressive rock music.

[half-a-dozen-roses]

Not sure if I’m having one of those “ageing population of tumblr” moments, or if the younger generation have genuinely reached a new peak of stupid...

For context; I work in a popular budget supermarket in the UK. Within the first hour of my shift today, I was approached by several customers - all of whom either were or had pre-teen/teen kids - asking me if we had any “Prime.” I thought this was something Amazon related, or that maybe I was just mishearing them, or that they had our store confused with another with a very similar sounding name and were looking for something of theirs.

Anyway, I told them all “no” and carried on my day, only slightly curious about this mystery item people wanted. 

Usually, people want the big, middle aisle items. Things we only get seasonally and in limited numbers and which are usually great bargains. Things like heated clothes horses (actually the best thing I’ve ever bought from work) air fryers and of course, the famous carrot plush toys we get every Christmas from the TV ads... I assumed it would be something along these lines.

I was wrong.

On my break, I googled this mystery “Prime” item and discovered that it is actually.... *drumroll*

Juice.

Like, individual, single serve bottles of juice. Not big 2 Litre bottles you can share, but a single serving of juice...

Or rather, a “Hydration drink” (as opposed to???) as described by its creators. The reason it’s in high demand? Said creators are (apparently) famous You tubers (no-one I’ve heard of) and the high demand for the juice they’ve teamed up to create (sorry, “water based hydration drink” - I wish I wasn’t quoting that directly, but here we are) is coming directly from their pre-teen/teen mass followers they have.

Apparently we had a queue outside our store at 5am just for this juice. We had to limit it to 1 bottle per customer. We sold out within minutes.

Am I turning into a grumpy old woman, or is that just totally insane?

I remember the excitement of queuing all night/early morning for cool stuff when I was younger. But that was things that were actually worth the effort. Like when the latest HP books came out and EVERYONE wanted to read them first and nobody wanted to be left behind, or when a big, highly anticipated film came out with midnight screenings (like LOTR) and even things like popular festivals/concert tickets would be worth queuing for.

But this? This seems absurd. It’s literally just JUICE. We sell that every day, this one doesn’t seem all that special. In fact it doesn’t even look nice!

What am I missing? Anything? Have the teens of today gone mad, or am I just doing what the boomers did to us milennials whenever we enjoyed anything????

[601billionlazer]

I hope my parents never buy us food ever again

Okay, so I live in a pretty populated house, I live with my parents, my older sibling, their partner, my younger brother, and two youngest siblings (I also live with my cat but she is irrelevant to this rant.) So the house is pretty crowded so as you can imagine meals are expensive. Often, my parents will just buy shit in bulk from costco like Cup of Noodle and Kraft Mac & Cheese. And I’m talkin’ that blue box shit, none of that microwave cup bs. So often they’ll make us dinner or ask one of the oldest in the house to make dinner for everyone in their place. If nobody is able to, we often find ourselves getting takeout. Takeouts expensive as fuck for a house of 8 as you could imagine, so that option is usually reserved for if not everyone in the house will be joining us for a meal. If nobody is making dinner, and we aren’t getting takeout, THAT is precisely what the ramen and mac are for.

I know I rambled on for a bit there about pointless shit, but the tl;dr is my parents buy a lot of foods in bulk, typically shit you can just microwave or add hot water or throw in an air fryer and eat hassle free. On nights where we resort to these meals and don’t eat as a family, we refer to as “every man for himself” nights and they happen more often than you might think, especially in the fall when everyones busy with school and work. For some reason I can’t explain, I always make it a personal challenge upon myself to finish these bulk foods as soon as possible—even if the food is ass. So for a week straight I’ll have Cup of Noodles for lunch every day, I’ll make myself two boxes of Mac at a time, I’ll airfry some chicken nuggets and put them all a sandwich with lettuce and mayo, pizza bagels in the blender, I’m fucking gross bro but I HAVE to get through these meals. I want those crates empty. Why do I do this? I don’t really know, I guess it’s just the completionism mindset that makes seeing an empty crate once filled with sodium rich pre-cooked noodles feel so cathartic. I especially feel this way with breakfast cereals. My parents buy us breakfast cereal all the time, but NOBODY eats cereal in this house, especially not the fucking lucky charms and raisin bran and cinnamon toast crunch my folks keep nabbing. So I take it upon myself to have a bowl every morning until the cereal is gone, because I don’t wanna see the cereal they bought go to waste.

Y’all are probably imagining my homer simpson ass as a big lookin amorphous blob of microwave food, and that’s fine, I wouldn’t call myself fat but I’m certainly unhealthy as fuck I probably have a couple months left to live after the way I’ve been eating. The constant exposure to giant crates of empty calories and the allure of eating meals feeling like ticking off boxes on a list may be enabling these habits. But that is NOT the reason my parents need to stop buying food, oh no no no dear reader. The REAL reason my parents must never let a mere crumb of food enter this house ever again is because of the overwhelming crushing feeling of defeat I feel when I’m about to get to the last box of mac and cheese and suddenly the pantry has been restocked. The biggest problem here is some of the foods nobody in the house even fucking likes, like the cereal I mentioned earlier, I am quite literally ONLY eating it to get rid of it. But my parents will see this and thing “Huh, the frosted flakes are nearly empty! Our kids must love frosted flakes!” AND BUY LIKE 4 BOXES IN BULK AT COSTCO. IN MY ATTEMPT TO NOT BE WASTEFUL WITH THE CEREAL, I ONLY WOUND UP POURING GASOLINE ON THE PROBLEM. Honestly, the more I write about this the more I realize it’s just about cereal. Like the same thing happens with the soups and macs, but at least I’m not the only one who eats that shit. With the cereal though, I’m suffering through bowl after bowl of special k. Sometimes at 2 in the morning my sibling will come out of their room for a bowl of cocoa pebbles and we’ll sit and talk while we eat cereal together. It’s fun but they can’t have anything with gluten and it’s not like they know I’ve made this habit for myself. So the moral of the story is make me a salad, I should probably go on a diet.

[sirpeppersto]

everyone at work this morning was telling the head manager their problems with swiftie manager bc she wasnt here today 💀💀💀💀 she was 12 minutes late yesterday with her big ass starbucks drink! and didnt turn on the deep fryer for me so i was also 15 minutes behind even tho i come in half an hour after them. so we were allll behind bc she wanted her pink drink

and the opening cashier this morning was only on the prep team for like a week bc she doesnt like working with swiftie manager and she told the head manager that lol. the prep team is always needing more people bc people dont like working with her, we just lost another girl bc they got in a verbal fight(which i saw the beginning of, manager was being a massive bitch and i say that as a bitch myself. that was bitch behavior and she deserved to get cussed out). like they asked ME if i wanted to be on prep even though finding someone to take my job is hard bc no one likes it but me

and that cashier told me the other day that everyone knows about the whole situation with me getting written up, and everyone thinks it was dumb. so i think everyone at work aside from like two girls dont like that manager 💀 GOOD!! SHE SUCKS!! i literally have not liked her since i got hired last july, and i didnt start working with her until i became a cook in october. so im glad people are doing something about how fed up they are with her, and i think part of that was from me talking to our boss about her trying to write me up(this was like a week before she wrote me up). she doesnt have a ton of power over us bc shes just a prep manager which is a step under being an actual manager. but she uses every ounce of what power shes got to get people she doesnt like in trouble so that she can have her perfect little job. and its fucking with the rest of us. so idk what will come of today but i hope something changes, bc none of us can stand her anymore

[crazyblondelife]

My Obsession with Small Kitchen Appliances

Not long ago, I had a pinch me moment…

I opened my computer and saw an email from QVC asking if I was interested in collaborating!! Of course, right away, I replied “YES”!

For some reason, I never thought about shopping online with QVC, but it’s so amazing! They literally have anything and everything you could possibly imagine!

My assignment was to do a culinary post (right up my alley) and I was so onboard for coming up with something fun and fabulous for the holidays using small (ish) kitching appliances from the QVC website! I decided on a pizza oven (not exactly indoor), a Kitchenaid Mixer, a nugget icemaker and a combination Convection/Air Fryer countertop appliance from Ninja for my post. Keep scrolling…

I truly love what I do and when something like working with QVC comes along, I get so excited and then…I get nervous! I want to do a great job and come up with something unexpected and this time, I think I nailed it! I spent almost an entire day wrapping boxes as background props because it’s just not time to decorate for Christmas and I knew I could stash them in the basement to use later.

I know some influencers are already in full blown holiday mode and that’s fine, but I do like to take one holiday at a time if possible. My solution was to wrap lots of boxes and store them in the basement to use again as props for pictures, etc. (this is the life of an influencer).

The boxes looked amazing and now it was time to come up with how to display the products without actually making videos of using each one because that would have taken way too long and a reel can only last 90 seconds.

I choose to demonstrate only trusted brands such as Frigidaire, Kitchen Aid and Ninja. The small air fryer I currently use is by Ninja and I’ve totally loved it and I’ve had my Kitchenaid Mixer for over 30 years now…so I knew these brands would live up to their reputation and I felt comfortable promoting them.

I’ve been wanting a pizza oven for as long as I can remember, and when we remodel our kitchen in 2024, we’re planning to build one outside, but for now, this one from Ninja is amazing! Itt does so much more than make pizza…you can roast anything, including a 12 pound turkey. It does comes with a cookbook filled with fabulous and easy recipes and just looking through it makes me hungry!

Now on to the Convection/Air Fryer from Ninja…

While I do love my small Ninja Air Fryer, sometimes it’s just a little too small! I would much prefer to cook everything in one batch to cooking multiple batches…especially when I’m making chicken tenders for my grandsons! This oven is a combination convection oven/air fryer so you can make muffins and casseroles and you can also air fry anything! It’s really such a great appliance that it may just replace your oven…especially if you’re an empty nester and are now only cooking for two people!

Having said that, I’m not sure if I’ll ever get used to cooking for two, but there are many nights when this Ninja Airfryer/Convection oven would make my life so much easier!

The Frigidaire Nugget Ice Maker…

These little chewable nugget ice makers are all the rage right now and everyone wants one (including my 3 son-in-laws). This one from Frigidaire is compact, quiet and makes up to 44 pounds of ice in 24 hours. It’s so convenient and makes any drink taste better! Before I got my nugget ice maker, I used to keep a bag of ice from Sonic in the freezer, but now, I have this ice on demand and it’s fabulous!

The Kitchenaid Mixer…

As I said above, I’ve had my Kitchen Aid mixer for over 30 years and it still works just as well as it did the day I got it! Back then, it only came in white, but now, you can get these mixers in so many different colors and I’m loving this stainless steel one that matches any decor. Every cook needs a Kitchenaid mixer…it’s the gold standard of mixers. The attachments are universal…I purchased the pasta maker attachment not long ago and it fit my “antique mixer”. My youngest daughter Sarah has my mothers mixer and it’s even older than mine and still going strong!

I’m so grateful that I get to get up everyday and do what I love and I’m honored to work with companies like QVC! This was such a fun collaboration and I hope you’ve enjoyed this post!

[fuck-customers]

So I was put on my own tonight in my section. I'm rightfully pissed off because it's a Friday, one of our busier nights. I tell the chefs upstairs I'm 86ing some of the harder to make items because I do not have time to be the order taker, cook and barista as is and these items will make it worse. They're fine with it so whatever.

However, the amount of bastard customers I had complaining because they couldn't get an over priced, sad as hell burger was baffling. Like, my dude, there is literally a 24/7 burger place DOWN THE STREET. If you're craving a burger at 1am that bad maybe, idk, WALK THE 10 STEPS THERE. Better yet, buy the ingredients and go home to make it yourself you lazy fuck.

I have empathy for customers who act like their lives are sooo hard because they couldn't get the food they wanted. Cry me a river, I've been sweating over grills and fryers running around taking care of people BY MYSELF for 9 hours thus far. You don't have access to like 3 things from our menu of 20+ items? Oooh poor baby, life is soooo hard for you.

Customers can lick my entire taint.

That reminds me of when I worked in the deli. Our manager would put out sides on random days. Like one day it’ll be corn, green beans, and potato wedges. Others it’ll be peas, carrots, and corn bread. I guess she based it on what main items she put out. But whatever it was there would always be customers we all called “old crows”. They were the older people that came in and nothing was ever good enough. The ham wasn’t sweet enough, the turkey was too dry, etc. they came in every day because the retirement community would run busses to our store every weekday. The old crows would stand at the case looking it over and we’d ask them if they needed help they would say not yet and keep looking. Sometimes they would take a few minutes, sometimes longer. They were looking at what we had out and trying to remember what was here yesterday that’s not here today and decide to want the missing item and only the missing item. And they would through such a tantrum if they didn’t get what they wanted. 

The store manager decided it was pointless to argue because if they didn’t get what they wanted made they would find him and yell. If they still didn’t get it they would call corporate would would of course tell us to make the customers happy and make what they wanted. So of course we started making the item they wanted and if they were still here when it was done (because if the bus left before it was ready they would have to leave and they would always call and complain to corporate) we would give them the item and be done with it. Except every single  time without fail they would always HIDE THE DAMN ITEM! They would never buy it! They would put it behind the canned goods, or stick it in a freezer somewhere. I really hated that store and swore I’d never work at another near a retirement community again. 

-Rodney

[unpredictable-probabilities]

“I Do”: The Long-Term Deal 1 - Familiar Faces

Story Summary: 

Six years after graduating NRC, Jamil is working at a restaurant in order to continue funding his travels. A frame-up incident leads him to reunite with Azul, and they decide that they could be the help that the other needs. In order for both of their problems to be solved, they will have to temporarily work together--on a much more personal scale than they are used to.

Chapter Summary:

Jamil has been working a job to support his travels. After barely escaping some trouble involving an injured Ruggie, Jamil quite literally runs into Azul and finds out that he has troubles of his own too.

Word Count: 7,098

Author’s Note:

(At the end of the chapter)

---

"Morning!" Ruggie said as he got in line behind Jamil at the food truck.

"Oh hey," Jamil greeted back, seeing that Ruggie was also in his work uniform already. "You're having lunch here, too?"

"Yup, I usually go here for Taco Tuesday," Ruggie rolled up his sleeves from his wrists to his elbows.

The line moved and they took a step forward. They had the same afternoon shift today at Queen's Lantern, so Jamil wasn't surprised that they ran into each other here. It was just a short walk from the restaurant and the food was good.

"I heard that you might be Employee of the Month," Ruggie playfully punched his backpack and grinned.

"Me?" Jamil asked in confusion. "I've only been working there for a few weeks."

"Yeah, and they love your cooking! You even personally assist Chef Henry sometimes," Ruggie beamed. "You're really good with the customers too whenever you help wait on tables."

"Then I guess Anton and Ian would hate me even more now?" Jamil said lightly. Those two waiters seemed to dislike him ever since his first day for some reason.

"They're just jealous, don't mind them," Ruggie waved a hand dismissively.

"Well they won't have to be for long. I'll be gone in a month or two," Jamil said as they moved forward in the line again.

"Aww, gonna travel again so soon?" Ruggie adjusted his baseball cap to shield his eyes from the sun. "But you just got back, we barely had time to hang out!"

"That was the point of this job, right?" Jamil reminded him. "So I can keep traveling."

Ruggie clicked his tongue. "I shoulda made you promise to stay longer when I helped you get that job."

Jamil chuckled. "How about I just buy you the tacos today?"

"Deal!" Ruggie said before staggering forward. "Ow," he said in surprise and looked over his shoulder.

"S-Sorry," said the guy who had just bumped into Ruggie. "I stepped forward too far."

Jamil looked over and saw that the two teenagers in line behind the guy were kissing, and the others were uncomfortably giving them a wide berth. The woman behind them hid her face behind a magazine.

Ruggie snickered. "Nothing repels people more than public displays of affection. Wait," he squinted. "Is that Azul on that magazine?"

"What?" Jamil furrowed his eyebrows.

"What will it be?" Another voice caught Jamil's attention.

They had reached the front of the line and the bearded man was waiting for Jamil's order with a kind smile.

"Uh, two of the taco meal, please," Jamil replied. "The one with the fries and iced tea."

"Hi, Bernard!" Ruggie stepped up next to Jamil and patted him on the shoulder. "My friend's buying our lunch."

"Ruggie! I should've known you'd be here today. Give me a minute while I prepare your meals," Bernard poured some fries in the deep fryer.

"We're getting one of these magazines too," Ruggie got one from the rack standing to the side.

"Sure," Bernard nodded.

"It is Azul! Look!" Ruggie held the magazine in front of them, and sure enough, Azul was on the cover.

Jamil had no idea that Azul was famous at all, though it wasn't really surprising that his business had reached this level now.

Azul's smile was just like how Jamil remembered it; the corner of his mouth was turned up, and his eyes were subtly narrowed with a hint of mischievousness behind his glasses. And he still seemed comfortable in a fancy suit.

"How's it feel to see your high school crush like this?" Ruggie wiggled the magazine.

"What?" Jamil frowned. "I never had a crush on Azul."

Ruggie snickered. "So you were ogling him just now as a friend?" He held the magazine up in front of Jamil's face.

Jamil shoved the magazine away, but before he could retort, Bernard was back.

"Here you go!" He handed them a paper bag that was warm to the touch.

Ruggie put some coins on the counter, "For the magazine, Bernard." He turned to Jamil and winked. "My treat."

Jamil chose to ignore that and just paid for their order. "Thank you," he said to Bernard and walked away.

"So this is still going, huh," Ruggie said, he had opened the magazine and was reading it while they were walking down the street.

"I didn't know you read entertainment news," Jamil said.

"'With Azul Ashengrotto's birthday just around the corner, everyone is wondering whether we'll finally see someone by his side who isn't just a business partner. Celebrities such as Abigail Marquez and Nikolai Pennington have expressed their affections for the entrepreneur, but Mr. Ashengrotto is yet to pick anyone from his unsurprisingly long line of suitors'," Ruggie read aloud. "Oh yeah, his birthday's coming up. They're really making a big deal out of it."

"I bet he enjoys the attention," Jamil said. "It's good publicity for whatever business he has now."

"He hates it," Ruggie said, still reading the article. "I told him the same thing, about the publicity, but he said it's more trouble than it's worth."

"You still talk to him?" Jamil asked. He hadn't spoken to Azul since NRC, and he vaguely wondered how much he had changed now. The Azul he knew would grab any opportunity for advertisement.

Ruggie nodded. "Yeah, I run errands for him and the twins sometimes. And they help me out in return. Azul's actually the one who gave me a glowing recommendation letter for Queen's Lantern and helped me get in," he closed the magazine. "Man, even businessmen have become celebrities now. Or maybe it's 'cause Azul's pretty handsome for a business tycoon. Right, Jamil?"

Jamil rolled his eyes, "Whatever."

Ruggie stepped behind him and started opening his backpack.

"Hey, what are you doing?" Jamil turned around and tried to shake him off.

"I don't have any bag with me," Ruggie said, zipping Jamil's backpack closed again. "You carry the magazine for now. I bought it for you, anyway," he walked beside Jamil again and grinned.

"Why do you think I had a crush on him?" Jamil said irritably. "Where's that even coming from?"

"Dude, you guys obviously liked each other, everyone knew that. You never heard anyone mention it?" Ruggie raised an eyebrow.

Jamil looked away. He did hear people talking about it, but he didn't think any of them were serious. He thought it was just one of those things that bored teenagers liked to do; it was fun for them to pair him up with Azul because they often snapped at each other, Azul in his passive-aggressive manner and Jamil being a lot more direct.

"Those were high school rumors," Jamil said. "Don't you think it's childish to still believe them now?"

"You're the one who's still in-denial six years later," Ruggie replied.

"Let's just get to work," Jamil shook his head, glad that they finally arrived at the restaurant and he didn't have to continue this conversation.

* * *

"Is the soup ready yet?" Chef Henry asked as he walked over.

"Almost, Chef," Jamil used the knife to push the diced leeks from the chopping board into the boiling pot of soup. "Just needs to simmer for two more minutes."

"Chef!" Erica, one of the line cooks, approached them. "We're out of cinnamon; we used up the last jar of it this morning for several orders. Zac still isn't back from his supply run."

"For how many orders do we need it now?" Chef Henry asked.

"Just one, Chef, for the Apple Crumble Pie. But Miss Elizabeth Wilkerson ordered it," Erica said worriedly. "We had no idea she was gonna visit today."

"We can't keep a food critic waiting," Chef Henry muttered with a frown. "Has anyone called Zac to ask if he's on his way back?"

"Jamil has some cinnamon in his bag," Ruggie said, stopping by and carrying a tray of beef stew. "I saw it earlier," he told him.

"Oh, right," Jamil remembered. He had bought a small jar of it last night, but he must have forgotten to take it out when he got home. "I'll go get it."

Chef Henry nodded. "Erica, take over for this soup. That should be about ready to serve."

Jamil quickly went to the back where the lockers were and took out his backpack. He rummaged through it; the jar must have gotten buried under his extra clothes and the other ingredients he had bought last night. He took them out and placed them in the locker to make more space for him to look through, then he decided to just bring the bag with him to the kitchen to save time. After locking the locker door, he ran back to the kitchen.

"Did you find it?" Erica asked.

"Hold on," Jamil slowed to a stop and looked through his backpack again, this time he found the jar almost immediately. "Here," he handed it over.

"Thanks," Erica smiled. "Chef said he'd have this replaced," she said and then ran off to bake the pie.

"Jamil!" Ruggie was carrying a tray of pastries in each hand. "You busy? We need more help waiting tables. Those ones should have already been served like 5 minutes ago," he nodded to the counter where two full trays were waiting.

"Sure," Jamil picked up the tray on the right. After looking at the note to see which table to bring it to, he went out to the dining hall.

The place was packed, and there was the buzz of lunchtime chatter that Jamil had learned to expect during their peak hours. He weaved through the other waiters, saying a quick apology and steadying the tray when he slightly bumped into one of them.

He saw the table and walked over, setting the food down as soon as he reached it.

"Rib-eye steak with buttered vegetables, honey-glazed roast chicken with garlic bread, and two glasses of lemon iced tea," Jamil said politely.

"You really took your time, didn't you?" the guy said. He was around Jamil's age, and he was with a girl who looked a little younger. They could be siblings, based on how they resemble each other.

"Pardon us, sir," Jamil said automatically, he was used to these kinds of customers. "Early afternoon is the busiest time here."

"Wait, Jamil?" the girl said in surprise. "We heard you were off traveling."

Jamil frowned. Their accents and complexion did seem like they were from the Scalding Sands, but he didn't know how they knew him.

"Jamil Viper!" the guy said, recognizing him. "I knew you looked familiar! You'd been absent in all of the Asims' events in the last few years."

Now he remembered, Nadia and Farid Abaza. Their family was closely acquainted with the Asims, often dealing in business partnerships. Jamil had accompanied Kalim in playing games with these two a few times when they were small children. He never enjoyed it.

"So you left your honorable place as their servant just to end up waiting tables at some two-star restaurant?" Nadia sneered. "Once a servant, always a servant, it seems."

"How does your so-called independence feel now? Is it worth being disloyal and abandoning your family?" Farid added with a condescending smile.

"It feels pretty good, actually," Jamil said lightly. "And I'm sure my parents are glad that I'm earning my own money now, instead of still freeloading off of them at my age."

Their sneers turned into glares, which Jamil met with a polite smile before saying, "There are other customers to attend to, so if you'll excuse me," he tipped his head and walked away.

He had only taken a few steps when he heard Nadia gasp, "My hairpin!"

"Jamil!" Farid's angry shout stopped him in his tracks.

He turned around to see that the siblings had gotten up from their table and were walking towards him.

"How dare you?" Nadia said. "Return it at once!"

"Return what?" Jamil furrowed his eyebrows.

"Her pin with the ruby!" Farid glared.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Jamil said calmly, aware that the raised voices had attracted the attention of the other customers and staff.

"Empty your pockets," Farid said.

Nadia had her hands on her hips, and she looked like she was about to start yelling any second.

Jamil was getting irritated, this was a waste of his time and he had a lot of work to do in the kitchen. Just to get it over with, he transferred the tray to his left hand and dug around in his pockets. He pulled out a handkerchief and two hair ties, placing them on the tray to show Farid and Nadia. He knew that was all he was carrying, so he put his hand in the left pocket of his pants to turn it inside out and show that it was empty—

Except it wasn't empty.

His stomach dropped when his hand closed around the cold metal. He already knew what it was before he pulled it out to show everyone who was watching.

The hairpin was in his hand, its ruby glinting as it caught the light.

"I knew it," Farid said and harshly took the pin. "You've got some nerve stealing from us."

"You're just a lowly thief now, aren't you?" Nadia said, making a show of placing the pin back in her hair.

"I don't know how it got in there," Jamil tried to keep his voice even, but his thoughts were racing. Someone had planted the pin on him, but he knew that anything he said right now would just implicate himself more.

Farid snapped his fingers, and three men appeared seemingly out of nowhere, standing beside the siblings and looking at Jamil with unfriendly expressions. Those bodyguards must have been waiting quietly by the door, and Jamil hadn't noticed them among all the customers.

"You're not getting away with this," Nadia scowled.

"Whoa, wait," Ruggie was suddenly there, he had stepped in front of Jamil with his arms held out defensively. "Jamil wouldn't do that. Let's just talk this out, I'm sure it's just a mistake."

"Your mistake was hiring this thief," Farid said contemptuously. "But don't worry, we'll deal with him."

The tallest of the bodyguards took a step toward them, but Ruggie didn't budge. "I'm pretty sure that's illegal."

"Out of the way, runt," Farid said.

Nadia looked at the bodyguards and jerked her head towards Jamil, "Take him."

"No, wait," Ruggie raised his hands. "We can talk about—"

The guard punched him hard in the face and he fell sideways.

"Ruggie!" Jamil said in a panic, dropping the tray with a clang and rushing over to kneel beside his friend.

"Go," Ruggie said groggily, blood dripping from his mouth and onto the floor. ­

A shadow loomed over them, and the guard extended a hand to grab Jamil's collar.

"Go!" Ruggie yelled.

Jamil scrambled to his feet. The guard swiped at him and he ducked, but he ended up backing into one of the waiters who was carrying a tray with wine glasses. He turned and instinctively caught them, the wine spilling all over his hands and uniform.

The waiter stammered an apology, but Jamil was already running.

The main doors were behind Nadia and Farid, so he headed to the kitchen, hearing the heavy but quick footsteps of the bodyguards close behind him.

He burst through the kitchen doors, startling the chefs and the line cooks. He grabbed his bag from the counter and sprinted out the back door.

With the bodyguards still at his heels, he was grateful for the stamina he had built up from all the hiking and walking around that he had done for the past few years. The guards were faster than they looked, and Jamil didn't want to know what would happen if they reached him.

He turned a corner, cursing his luck when he saw the wide open space of the park. There would be nowhere to hide for miles.

There was a small café in the next block, but he would just be trapping himself in there. He didn't have many options, though, so he ran to it and hoped that there would be someone of authority that he could ask for help. The bodyguards were likely magicless, and it would be illegal for him to use spells on them.

He was nearing the café now, a few cars were on the small parking lot beside it, and the entrance seemed to be on the far side. He pushed himself to run faster—

And bumped right into something so abruptly that he had to blink a few times to realize it was a person wearing a dark blue suit.

"Jamil?" he said, his eyes wide with surprise behind his glasses.

Jamil couldn't say anything, his brain was still trying to process that the person he just saw on a magazine cover was now standing in front of him.

Hurried footsteps sounded close by, and his panicked mind conjured up what Ruggie had said—

"Nothing repels people more than public displays of affection."

He grabbed the front of Azul's suit and pulled him in, turning so that Azul was blocking him from the view of anyone on the street.

Then he closed his eyes and pressed their lips together.

Jamil vaguely heard the footsteps run past. Then he realized that because of the momentum when he turned them, Azul ended up practically pinning him to the wall.

Azul smelled like a refreshing ocean breeze, and his soft lips against Jamil's felt... admittedly not unpleasant.

He came back to his senses and noticed that he couldn't hear the footsteps anymore, and he slowly opened his eyes and loosened his grip on Azul, though their faces remained just inches away from each other.

Azul was staring at him in confusion, his face a bright red and his left hand on the wall beside Jamil's head.

Jamil felt his own face burning, too. He let go of Azul's suit and tried to speak, but no sound came out.

Azul blinked and stepped back. "W-What..."

There was a clinking sound, and Jamil decided to focus on it instead of whatever it was they just did.

"Get in your car," he told Azul, noticing the keys in his right hand.

"What?" Azul frowned.

"Let's go," Jamil said more urgently, looking around to make sure that the guards hadn't come back.

He grabbed Azul's wrist and pressed the button on the key he was holding. A sleek black car lit up and beeped.

Still holding Azul, Jamil pulled him along to the car and opened the door to the driver's side.

"Get in," he repeated, before running to the passenger's side and climbing in.

"Are you planning on telling me what's going on?" Azul said as he got in and started the car.

"I'm being chased," Jamil strapped himself in with the seatbelt. "By the people who punched Ruggie hard enough to make him bleed."

Azul's eyes widened and he looked like he wanted to ask more questions, but he thought better of it and just wore his seatbelt too.

He backed out of the parking lot and drove to the main highway.

"What happened?" Azul asked again, keeping his eyes on the road.

Jamil exhaled, finally allowing himself to relax as the car took them farther away. "Someone planted jewelry on me at work to frame me up for stealing. The owner, one of the customers, set her thugs after me."

"How's Ruggie?"

The concern in Azul's voice caught Jamil off-guard. "He was conscious when I left, but there was blood from his mouth and he was on the floor."

Azul took a moment before speaking again. "Do you know who the owner of the jewel is?"

"Nadia Abaza, she was with her brother, Farid," Jamil answered. "We know each other from the Scalding Sands."

Azul nodded. "I'll have Jade and Floyd sort it out."

"Wait, you believe that I didn't steal it?" Jamil furrowed his eyebrows. "Just like that?"

A small smile appeared on Azul's lips. "Jamil, if you had really wanted to steal it, you would have it by now without anyone knowing."

"Wow, thanks," Jamil said sarcastically. Azul still had a way of saying things that make it unclear whether he was giving a compliment or an insult.

"Do you think Nadia and Farid would leave you alone after today?" Azul turned serious again.

Jamil thought about it; the Abaza family were known for holding grudges, and the Asims were always careful when dealing with them.

He sighed. "No. They'll probably find out where I live."

"I thought as much," Azul said. "You can stay at my house in the meantime, until the real culprit gets caught and your name is cleared. Only Jade and Floyd know where I live; you'll be safe there."

"Why would you help me to that extent?" Jamil asked skeptically. A businessman like Azul must have better things to do than clean up random people's messes.

Azul fell silent, and for several seconds only the hum of the car's engine could be heard.

"Because I also need your help," he finally said.

Jamil just stared at him. The exchange of favors made sense; it was Azul, after all, but... "Why me? Why not Jade or Floyd or, I don't know, anyone from the probably hundreds of people working for you?"

"Even Jade and Floyd are out of ideas, and I don't trust anyone else in the company," Azul said.

"Ideas for what?" Jamil wondered what the problem could be that even the 'Octavinelle Trio' couldn't handle it among themselves.

"The board of directors are once again bringing up the issue of expanding the business," Azul seemed to be choosing his words carefully. "They want our company to merge with another... through marriage."

Jamil let that sink in. He didn't know what he expected the problem to be, but it definitely wasn't that.

"Your board of directors want you to marry for a merger? Like those arranged marriages between kingdoms in the old days?" Jamil couldn't help the tone of his voice, the idea sounded ridiculous. Even the Asims, with their business empire, didn't resort to such things.

"It's more like they see me as an antique vase that they could auction off to the highest bidder," Azul said, and Jamil noticed that his grip on the steering wheel had tightened. "They have several 'candidates' that they want me to consider. Needless to say, I despise being in the office these days."

Jamil remembered what Ruggie said, about how Azul hated all the recent attention he'd been getting.

"So what do you need my help for?" he asked.

"I need a strategist," Azul explained as he slowed to a stop at a red light and turned to look at Jamil. "To figure out a way for those sharks to leave me alone."

"Look at that, it's the first time we've seen each other again in six years and you're right back to convincing me to work for you," Jamil said lightly.

He had meant it as a joke, but Azul's expression became guarded, and he turned to face the road again.

"Never mind then," Azul said quietly.

"Oh come on, I was joking," Jamil said, surprised by how serious Azul was. He must be more upset about the situation than Jamil thought. "I'll help."

The light turned green and they moved forward.

"With me," Azul mumbled.

"What?" Jamil furrowed his eyebrows.

"With me, not for me," Azul clarified. "Even Jade and Floyd don't work for me."

"Seriously, Azul, it's okay." Jamil said. "If you help me sort things out with my job, I'll help you figure out how to solve your situation with the board."

"If you're sure," Azul said evenly.

"You've changed now. Back then you didn't give up so easily on trying to recruit me for Mostro Lounge," Jamil said, trying to lighten the mood.

"Hm," was all Azul said.

"Fine, I'm sorry," Jamil said, leaning back in his seat. It bothered him how quiet Azul was being, he had never seen him like that before. "I didn't realize how bad it is. I guess the 'long-line of suitors' isn't nearly as glamorous as that magazine made it out to be."

"You read those magazines?" Azul asked.

"Ruggie read part of an article out loud, the one about your birthday coming up," Jamil explained. "He bought a copy of this month's Limelight at lunch earlier when he saw you on the cover."

"Ugh, that horrid thing," Azul grimaced.

"What?" Jamil frowned.

"I hate doing photoshoots," Azul muttered, slowing down to a stop to give way at an intersection.

"Why? You look good on that cover," Jamil said without thinking.

Azul looked at him and raised an eyebrow. "An apology and a compliment? You've changed too, it seems. Since when did you speak to me like that?"

"Don't get used to it," Jamil looked away, a little surprised himself at how easily he had said those things to Azul.

"Are you all right with staying at my house for a while?" Azul asked as he drove the car forward again. "We're nearing it."

"Yeah, that's fine," Jamil nodded. "I can crash on your couch for a day or two."

"Jade and Floyd used to live with me there, so there are actually two extra bedrooms," Azul said. "You can pick one later."

"Oh." Of course Azul would have a big house. "Okay."

They spent the rest of the trip without any more conversation, and after several minutes Azul slowed to a stop in front of a three-story house. To Jamil it looked like an elegant geometric puzzle; the walls were made from polished hardwood in one part, and neatly-stacked sandstone on another.

Azul took out a small remote from the glove compartment of his car and the gate opened.

As Azul drove the car inside, Jamil noticed that there were potted plants surrounding the house, and a pathway that seemed to lead to a garden.

"Who does the gardening if you live alone?" Jamil asked. Azul hadn't expressed much interest in plants back then.

"It was Jade's garden when he and Floyd still lived here," Azul said as he parked the car and the gate closed behind them. "I know the basics of how to keep them alive, but it's mostly Jade that tends to them whenever he visits."

They got out of the car and Azul led the way to the front door.

Azul's living room had tall sliding glass doors on one side, and Jamil saw that it led to a pool somewhere in the garden. Three big couches faced a small glass table in the center, and a big flatscreen TV was on the wall.

"Do you have any spare clothes?" Azul asked.

Jamil almost said that he did, but he remembered that he took them out while he was looking for the cinnamon jar. "No, they're in my locker back at the restaurant."

"I'll lend you some of mine," Azul said, gesturing for Jamil to follow him to the stairs. "I can't imagine it's comfortable to wear a damp shirt."

They climbed to the second floor and walked to the end of the hall.

"You can take a shower here," Azul opened the bathroom door. "Spare towels are on the top shelf, they're unused. I'll get your clothes, hold on." He opened another door in the hall and went in.

Jamil washed his hands in the sink, soaping out the smell of spices and the wine that spilled on him. He saw in his reflection that the front of his uniform had a large red stain from that wine; it shouldn't be too hard to get rid of, and hopefully he could go back to his job in a few days.

"Here," Azul reappeared in the doorway and handed him a set of folded clothes.

Jamil took them. "Thanks."

"I'll call Jade and Floyd for a meeting, so we can start on our plans as soon as possible." Azul said before leaving.

Jamil looked around the bathroom. He needed a certain type of shampoo and conditioner for his hair; he still kept it long and wore it in a ponytail or braids, and he had to make sure it didn't become dry or brittle, especially with how much time he spent under the sun while traveling.

Luckily, Azul seemed to have as much concern for his hair, because Jamil saw three types of shampoo and two bottles of conditioner. He didn't bring any of the oils he usually used to prevent his hair from tangling, but that could wait.

After a quick shower, he put on the light blue sweater and grey sweatpants, then tied his damp hair into a loose ponytail before going back downstairs, bringing his backpack with him.

He found the kitchen and got a pitcher of water from the fridge; he hadn't drunk anything since before he started his shift, and all the running he did had left him feeling dehydrated. He had just finished a second glass when his phone rang from his backpack on the counter.

He took it out and was surprised to see Ruggie's name on the screen.

"What happened? How are you?" he asked immediately.

"I'm fine, man," Ruggie answered. "Those customers left soon after their bodyguards did, just put their money on the table and threatened to come after you. You picked up so I'm guessing they didn't get ya? I hope?"

"Yeah, I lost their guards a while back," Jamil said, relieved that Ruggie was okay. "How are things there?"

"It was pretty much back to normal after they left, Miss Heather just gave everyone else free desserts to apologize for the inconvenience," Ruggie said. "I had to wait for things to settle down, though. We still had a lot of customers to serve, I didn't have time to call you sooner."

"Don't worry about it. What did Miss Heather say about the pin?" Jamil asked. He didn't want their manager to believe that he had stolen it.

"Ah, she knows you well enough to know you didn't steal anything," Ruggie said. "And she said to tell you to lay low for a while, just in case those nasty customers come back here. She'll have the security cameras checked to see what really happened. Where are you, anyway? You didn't go back to your apartment, did you?"

"No, I'm..." Jamil trailed off. With everything that Ruggie said earlier that day about him and Azul, he didn't know how Ruggie would react if he told him where he was planning on staying.

"Oh, it's fine, you don't have to tell me," Ruggie assured him. "I totally get it. I'll keep you updated on the security camera footage and stuff, okay?"

Jamil briefly considered telling Ruggie about Azul's plan for Jade and Floyd to help, but they hadn't discussed it yet and he didn't want to take any steps without a proper strategy in place.

"Okay," he said instead. "Thanks, Ruggie."

"Not a problem. I gotta get back to work now, I'll see you around," Ruggie said before hanging up.

Jamil returned the pitcher in the fridge and began washing the glass he used.

"Sea Snake?" a surprised voice said.

Jamil looked up from the sink and saw a tall figure standing by the doorway, wearing sneakers, jeans, and a dark green jacket that was unzipped over a white shirt with the words 'Over the Sea' printed on it.

"Oh, hey Floyd."

"You're here!" Floyd charged at him and wrapped him in a tight hug, lifting him a few inches from the floor.

"Okay, okay, it's good to see you too," Jamil chuckled as Floyd set him down.

"Wait," Floyd squinted and looked him up and down. "Are those Azul's clothes?" He sniffed at Jamil's hair, "And his shampoo?"

"Uh, yeah," Jamil returned the glass in the cabinet. He was about to explain why he had to borrow them but Floyd suddenly gasped.

His sharp teeth showed as his smile grew wider. "Are you and Azul...?"

Jamil felt his face warm as he realized what Floyd was implying. "No. No, it's not like that," he hurriedly explained, looking Floyd in the eyes to make sure he understood. "Some wine spilled on my uniform at work and I didn't have any extra clothes with me. That's it."

"Eh?" Floyd's smile fell. "Really? That's disappointing."

"What?" Jamil frowned. What was that about? Was Floyd thinking the same thing as Ruggie about him and Azul?

"There you are," Azul came up behind Floyd. "I'd been looking for you two. The meeting's in the living room. Come along."

"Huh?" Floyd looked over his shoulder. "Oh, right. I was just gonna get a snack. And you didn't tell us Sea Snake was here!" He scowled at Azul as he bent down to get an ice cream cup from the fridge.

"That's why we're having the meeting," Azul said patiently. "Now let's go."

"Aight," Floyd took a spoon from a drawer, then he and Jamil followed Azul.

Jade was sitting on the sofa nearest the window when they arrived at the living room; he wasn't dressed as casually as Floyd, and Jamil wondered if they came from the same place. His black shoes were polished to a shine, and he was wearing slacks and a dark red button-up shirt with long sleeves. A steaming cup of tea was on the table in front of him.

"Fortune Illustrated is asking for an interview," Jade said while typing on a tablet.

"No," Azul said immediately, taking a seat on the sofa to Jade's right, across the flatscreen TV. "They're just going to ask again which company we'd merge with next and I am not in the mood to answer."

"Noted," Jade said and looked up, his eyebrows raising in surprise. "Jamil?"

"Hey," Jamil sat down on the sofa next to Jade.

"Azul said he would explain," Floyd took the sofa to Azul's right, across Jade and Jamil, and kicked off his shoes before putting his feet up and reclining.

"Oh? Alright, then," Jade smiled and turned to Azul. "Why is Jamil wearing one of your favorite sweaters?"

"Yeah," Floyd said, taking the lid off the ice cream cup. "You really let him borrow 'one of your most comfortable ones'," he made air quotes with his fingers. "You wear it all the time."

Azul glared at them. "I didn't call you here to talk about my clothing."

"Your clothing that is currently on Jamil," Jade maintained his smile.

"Can we focus, please?" Azul said sharply.

Knowing that he was wearing a shirt that Azul apparently wore all the time, Jamil remembered how warm Azul's body felt pressed against him earlier by the café.

Jamil felt his face flush, and he cursed himself for letting his mind wander like that. Azul was right, they had to focus.

"I believe it's time to start coming up with ideas again about our most pressing problem," Azul said.

"Hold on a moment," Jade furrowed his eyebrows at Azul. "Is that wine on your suit? It's unlike you to spill food on yourself."

Azul looked down at his clothes. It wasn't easily noticeable because of the suit's dark blue color, but now that Jade had pointed it out, Jamil could see wine stains down its front.

"Wine?" Floyd frowned at Jamil.

Jamil avoided Floyd's eyes and looked at Azul, holding his breath while waiting for what he might say.

"That doesn't matter," Azul straightened his suit without looking at any of them, and Jamil thought he saw his cheeks turn a shade of pink. "Let's start the meeting."

"Alright," Jade nodded. "I presume you inquired for Jamil's help?"

"I did. He has recently gotten involved in some trouble and I proposed that we could be of assistance to each other," Azul gestured for him to talk.

"Someone at my job framed me for stealing a ruby hairpin," Jamil said. "I ran into Azul while I was trying to escape the owner's thugs."

"Letting others take the fall for a scheme? Lame," Floyd said before eating another spoonful of the ice cream.

"Where was this?" Jade asked curiously.

"Queen's Lantern, the restaurant that Azul helped Ruggie get into," Jamil said.

"You and Floyd would investigate and clear Jamil's name," Azul told Jade. "And he would help us formulate a new plan regarding the board of directors."

"We shake around some people and find the sneaky culprit, right?" Floyd scooped out the last of his ice cream and got up to place the empty cup on the table. "Yeah we can do that."

Azul gave him a pointed look.

"Metaphorically shake around some people," Floyd gave his best attempt at an innocent smile.

Jade turned to Jamil and handed him a calling card. "Email me the names of all your coworkers and the customers present, as far as you can recall. Though if you don't mind, I would like to start the discussion on the matter about Azul first," he looked over to Azul.

"Why?" Azul tensed up. "What happened?"

"Director Stanton asked me this morning why you weren't at the office," Jade began.

"Simple. I hate them," Azul said with a straight face.

Jade chuckled. "Yes, well, I wasn't sure if you wanted me to tell him that, so what I said was you were busy organizing the details of your birthday gala."

"And now they want to hear those details in a meeting soon," Azul guessed.

"And we are all aware that any meeting these days is another excuse for them to talk about who you might consider dating before your birthday arrives," Jade said.

Azul sighed in exasperation. "We need something new to tell them at the next meeting."

"Precisely," Jade nodded and looked at Jamil.

"What were your ideas so far?" Jamil asked them.

"I suggested that Azul could become rude and ugly or something so people would stop tryna marry him," Floyd said, leaning back in his seat. "But he didn't like that."

"Of course I didn't," Azul frowned at him. "We're trying to get me my freedom, not ruin my reputation."

"And I proposed that he could be more of a recluse like Idia, even if it's temporary," Jade took a sip from his tea. "He is happily managing his own tech company now but he is rarely seen by the public. Even when we all meet up to play board games, it is us who go to his house."

"I considered going with that approach, but I have always been hands-on when it comes to my endeavors," Azul said. "Neglecting them could lead to vulnerabilities."

"How did the board react when you said you weren't interested in being married off?" Jamil knew that Azul would have told them that from the very beginning.

"They said that I should think about the business, having a partner with powerful connections of their own would greatly secure the company." Azul lightly massaged his temple, as if just the memory of that interaction was giving him a headache. "I can't openly oppose or fire any of them; they could easily sell company secrets or turn on me. So I merely said that I would handle it on my own."

"We could revisit the idea of you actually dating someone," Jade said slowly. "Just to placate the board for a little while and make you unavailable to those vying for your hand, corporations and celebrities alike. It worked with Miss Coldfire back then."

"Oh yeah," Floyd said. "Maybe you could make a deal with her again or something."

Azul shook his head. "We just allowed the dating rumors about us to happen back then because it was good publicity for both our cafés, but now the board would want me to marry whomever I would date, and I cannot be in a long-term arrangement such as a marriage with Scarlet. It's possible that she would cooperate, but her mischievous guile would have me looking over my shoulder all the time. She's like Jade in a dress, except I can't trust her like I do Jade."

"Oh, I'm touched," Jade said playfully.

Scarlet Coldfire. The name sounded familiar to Jamil, but he couldn't place where he might have heard it.

"Then why not marry Jade?" he suggested. "That seems like the most convenient option."

"And glaringly obvious," Jade pointed out. "Everyone knows that Floyd and I are Azul's closest friends and business associates. If Azul and I suddenly get married during a time when the board is asking him to find a spouse, they would know that Azul is just trying to find an escape."

Azul sighed. "It would be impossible to find a skilled enough actor that we could trust enough. I doubt we'll find someone who wouldn't take advantage of being legally married to me, and there's always the risk of them revealing that it's just for show. We need a different plan."

"Hm," Jade hummed thoughtfully. "Perhaps you and Jamil could discuss new potential strategies while Floyd and I head over to Queen's Lantern. That way, we would have progress for both situations that we need to solve."

Azul nodded. "Alright, keep us updated."

"I'll let Ruggie know you're coming," Jamil said. "You could talk to him, he was there the entire time."

"We shall," Jade put his tablet in the small bag he was carrying. "Oh, and Azul, when was the last time you ate?"

Azul frowned. "What does that have to do with anything?"

"You told me to make sure you don't get sick again," Jade reminded him.

Azul was quiet for a few seconds before answering. "Breakfast. I ate breakfast."

Jade raised an eyebrow. "And you are aware that it's long past lunch?"

"I'll eat, just go to Queen's Lantern already," Azul said impatiently, and Jamil wondered how he got sick back then.

Jade stood and picked up his teacup and saucer. "I shall wash this in the kitchen and then we'll go."

"I’m just gonna wait for you here," Floyd said, still in his seat. "It'll be neat to see lil' Remora. We haven't hung out in a while."

Jade turned to Jamil and smiled. "Speaking of which, it's good to see you again, Jamil. With you here, I believe things would really change."

---

Thanks to @kunikyuzushi​ for this post~ These tags are what gave me the idea for this whole fic <3 

Reference for the exterior of Azul’s house

Reference for Azul’s living room

- - -

Author’s Note

- I first had the idea for an AzuJami Marriage Contract fic when soybeansproutedrin mentioned it in one of their comments in Granting Favors, my first AzuJami fic. They said that it could be an interesting trope for the ship, and then I later saw kunikyuzushi's tags on Tumblr, and the story idea gradually formed over time.

- I thank them for helping me come up with this idea in the beginning, and I'm really happy that I finally made something out of it now~

- Scarlet Coldfire is the OC I made when I wrote my very first fanfic ever. I wasn’t into fanfics at all until @patchyegg87  got me into TWST. It was before Book 4 was released in JP and I didn’t ship Azul with any character yet, so I made Scarlet. Then I wrote my first TWST fanfic and basically never stopped.  

- Also I can’t draw so I just edited the magazine with Azul on it. 

- July and August had been so busy for me, so I uploaded this a little later than I intended. I’m hoping to upload Chapter 2 by the end of September.

- For readers of Granting Favors, I’m planning to upload Chapter 11 in the first half of September. Thank you for all your patience and I hope you enjoyed the start of this other AzuJami fanfic from me! 

- I’ll keep posting writing updates here and on my Twitter  to let you all know how it’s going. 

- Thank you for reading! <3 

- - -

Chapter 2 -->

(Masterlist)

(Ko-fi)

[joshuas]

lucky

♫ pairing: Lee Minho x Reader

♫ genre: college/university student!au, slice-of-life, crack, fluff

♫ word count: 3.8k

♫ warnings: Nil of note!

♫ summary: Let’s just say that Minho playing hard to get is not a good combination. 

♫ a/n: The third addition to my Christmas oneshots! This is a slight continuation from my Felix oneshot. Written on three hours of sleep, so I hope it’s at least satisfactory ;-;. Enjoy!

♫ skz christmas oneshots: 1 |2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8

“Playing hard to get is the best way to gain their affections,” Jisung advised his older friend, Minho, sipping at his iced Americano. “Yah, who are you to give love advice. You haven’t dated anyone.” Another boy, Hyunjin said, rolling his eyes at Jisung, “Hyung, I just think you need to be honest about your feelings.” Hyunjin nodded at Minho, leaning back in his chair. “No, no. They need to know he’s flirting with them - drop some pick-up lines, write them a song, be as cliche as possible. People like that. My mum said that my dad fell for her using this method of romancing.” Another one of Minho’s friends, Changbin, attempted to convince him. “You’ll scare them off if you tell them your feelings straight off the bat. Be cool and cold - it’ll pique their interest. Only then can you be all touchy-feely with your emotions.” Jisung countered, dismissing the other boys’ advice. Minho had called the boys for an ‘emergency’ meeting at the local cafe, luring them over by paying for their food in exchange for ways to confess his feelings to the person he admired. “Are you sure playing hard to get will work?” Minho raised his eyebrows at Jisung, contemplative. “Almost 100% sure, hyung! You won’t regret doing it. Y/N’s gonna love you.” Jisung beamed reassuringly. “By almost 100%, you mean like 30%. This isn’t a drama. Y/N literally only knows you in a school setting. How did you meet again? Oh yeah, you’re both accounting majors. Don’t you think it’ll be weird if you abruptly change your demeanour towards them?” Hyunjin questioned as Minho dismissed him, “It’ll be fine. Just you wait. Everything will sort itself out way before the holidays.” “Your call, hyung...” Hyunjin said, tone doubtful. “Seriously? Is no one going to listen to my advice?” Changbin said, incredulous. Jisung patted his back, “Just quit while you’re ahead, Changbin hyung.��

“Y/N and Minho, you’ll be partnered together for this assignment. Remember, it’s due on the 20th.” Your professor handed the two of you an assignment sheet as you exited the lecture theatre. “So... Minho, do you want to catch up later to work on the assignment?” You asked as the two of you walked through the courtyard. “Oh! Y/N, of cour—.” He cleared his throat, lifting his head high, “I mean. Sure, I’ll have to check my busy schedule and get back to you.” Is he trying to be pretentious or something? Forcing a bright smile, you patted his shoulder, “Great! I’ll see you tomorrow in class. Bye!” You shook your head, sighing as you walked away. Why can’t you just be cool, Y/N?

[21:38] (Y/N) hey, i was wondering if you wanted to meet at the cafe closest to uni for our assignment? [21:56] (Y/N) or... not?? i know you saw this message, minho... it’s not like it accounts for 30% of our GRADE and yk it would be nice if we could work on it and do well in it. just a suggestion though. it’s your call. “Hyung, you can’t say that! Seriously, this is the sixth revisit we’ve made to this text. Isn’t your whole brand just ‘playing it cool?’” Jisung snatched the phone off Minho, sighing as he settled next to Hyunjin on the couch, typing away. As soon as you sent the message, the whole dorm was in a flurry - Minho grabbing his phone as quick as he could to type out a reply whilst Hyunjin and Jisung (mostly Jisung) workshopped his texts “I don’t understand why he can’t just be himself. Haven’t you seen literally any movies? This’ll backfire majorly.” Hyunjin sighed, exasperated. “Hyunjin, do you want to be put in the air fryer for twenty minutes at 180 degrees?” Minho raised his eyebrow at the taller boy, daringly. Hyunjin sighed defeatedly,

“No, hyung.” “Good. How are you going with the text, Jisung?” Minho clapped his hands, spinning his desk chair to face Jisung. “Okay. How about you just... don’t reply and show up tomorrow?” Jisung said, his tone as if he had said the most enlightening statement in the world. Hyunjin scoffed, “There’s a difference between playing hard to get and just being plain rude.” “Well, I don’t see you suggesting anything.” Jisung defended. “Because this whole idea of workshopping Minho hyung’s texts and getting him to play hard to get is stupid. Why can’t you just be nice to Y/N and respond properly?” Hyunjin said exasperatedly. “I’ll just say ‘sure. i’ll meet you at 12.’ and be done with it.” Minho said, ignoring Hyunjin and looking at Jisung for approval. “Make sure that when you meet up with Y/N you maintain your cool demeanour. Actually... maybe we should tag along. It’s not that we don’t trust you, hyung,” Jisung hurriedly explained, “it’s just that... we don’t trust you.” “And that it’ll probably be entertaining!” Hyunjin added, smirking slightly. “Alright, you guys can come. Only because you’ll see how much I’ll crush this. Just make sure that you’re not in their line of sight.” Minho said, smug, shrugging his shoulders. “Five dollars, he doesn’t crush it,” Hyunjin said, watching the older boy exit the room. “Deal.” Jisung slapped Hyunjin’s hand.

You sighed, looking down at the time on your laptop. 20 minutes late... really? Does he think that this whole assignment is a joke? “Hi! I was wondering if you wanted to order anything?” A man with a dimpled smile approached you, holding out a notepad. “Oh! Yes. Um, I’ll have a chocolate th-“ “We’ll both have a chocolate thick shake, Chan.” You turned around, looking for the person that interrupted you, your eyes landing on Minho approaching your table. “Uh- okay! I’ll have your orders ready in a bit.” Chan gave the two of you a small smile as Minho sat opposite you. “So... I don’t really mean to pry into your personal life but is there a reason why you’re so late?” You asked tentatively, looking over at Minho as he distracted himself with his laptop. A long silence pursued as you fidgeted with a stray thread on your jeans. “Okay... you’re just not going to answer my question? That’s cool. That’s fine.” You looked at him, astonished by his coolness. You coughed, directing your attention back to your assignment. After a good thirty or so minutes of working solidly (and in forced silence), you leaned back against your chair, looking quizzically at the man in front of you. Dressed simply in a pastel cardigan, eyebrows scrunched from focusing so hard as he typed away furiously at the keyboard, occasionally nudging up the cat-eye glasses that decided to slide down his nose. Biting his lip in thorough concentration, he ran a hand through his glossy brown hair. 

It kind of reminds me of really rich chocolate? Chocolate is nice. I like chocolate. Wait. What am I doing? I don’t like Lee Minho. You like Lee Minho, not me. Your gaze wandered, eyes matching his slightly concerned dark brown ones. You looked away, heat radiating from your cheeks. Clearing your throat you stared hard at the table, “So... have you figured out what format you want to present the assignment in?” Minho opened his mouth to speak, only to close it a second later, contemplative. “Well... we should probably assign roles, right? Seeing as both of us have just done preliminary research. If you want, you can do the write-up and I can focus on making it presentable and in a speech format...” You suggested. Silence. You rolled your eyes, annoyed, “Okay, seriously? Can you stop being a jerk for like one second and actually cooperate with me to get this assignment done? You haven’t spoken to me this entire time!” You exclaimed, exasperated. Minho’s eyes shifted from softened and sorry to a blank expression. “I’ll only talk to you if you...” He stopped, frantically looking around and stopping short of the flyers on the notice board, “Participate in the university’s Christmas art contest and beat me!” He pointed at a random flyer on the wall, describing the details for the event. “Seriously? That’s what it’ll take for you to talk to me?? Why can’t you just talk to me without doing all that?” You said, incredulous. Minho raised his eyebrows expectantly at you. “Fine...” You threw your hands up in defeat. “Perfect. And hey, may the best artist win.” Minho smirked, shaking your hand.

“You did not crush it,” Hyunjin said bluntly, laughing as Jisung reluctantly gave him what he owed. All three of them had congregated back at the dorm, brainstorming their next course of action. “I don’t know how you’re going to beat her, hyung.” Jisung sighed. “Excuse you, I can do art!” Minho defended. “Um. Hyung. There’s a reason why we aren’t majoring in art.” Hyunjin stated. “Well, then. What are we going to do?” Minho rubbed his face wearily. “Does it matter if you compete in this? You did say to Y/N that you’d talk to her if she beat you and there’s high chance of that happening, seeing your portfolio. Or, you know, you could just drop all of this and talk to them normally.” Hyunjin reasoned. “We’re in too deep for you to back down now, hyung. If you want to impress them, I think your best option is... taking up the art lessons that the art department are providing.” Jisung pushed, dismissing Hyunjin’s voice of reason for the five hundredth time. “Art lessons? I don’t need those.” Minho scrunched his nose in disgust. “Oh trust me hyung, you do.”

Sighing, you opened the door to the art workshop,

Why has my life come to this? Wait. Why do I even care so much for him to talk to me? It’s not like I... like him. That’s ridiculous. I could just do the entire assignment yourself and never speak to him again. I should leave. Art lessons. You’re really going above and bey— “What are you doing here?” You stopped short of entering the room, staring straight ahead at the man in front of you. In your direct line of vision was... Minho... making a newspaper crown with the word “VICTORY” taped onto it. You shook your head, trying to clear him and your thoughts. Putting on a fake smile, you sat beside him, “Sorry for being so rude. I was just... surprised to see you here. You must be really sure that you’re going to win!” You chuckled awkwardly. Before Minho could reply, a voice rang out across the room, diverting your attention, “Alright! Welcome to the annual art workshop. We’ll be focusing on pottery and sculpting these next two weeks, so...”

Well into the lesson, you and Minho were finally handed your clay and given free rein to do whatever, “So, do you know how you’re planning on presenting the assignment?” “We shouldn’t talk about the assignment here,” Minho said, staring at his clay. “Okay well, where else can we talk about it? You don’t want to talk to me outside of this place and you even made me participate in this stupid competition even though I physically cannot do art.” You exploded, exasperated. You sighed at his lack of reaction, grabbing your stuff and placing yourself on the opposite side of the room. You glared at him, Fine, Lee Minho. We’ll do it your way... for now.

“They can’t do art!” Minho grinned, dancing around the dorm room. “Wait, that’s great!” Jisung exclaimed, high-fiving Minho. “That’s not good, though— if they’re worse than you then you’ll never be able to talk to them,” Hyunjin stated, seemingly confused at the others’ ignorance, voice drowned out by their gleeful celebration. “Well if they’re so bad- that’s gotta be good, right? How- how’s the art going?” Jisung asked. “Uh-“ Minho averted his eyes, “really well.” “You learnt a lot?” Jisung asked, not too dissimilar from a parent asking their child how their day was at school. “Yeah, it was really... inspiring. I felt like Leonardo DiCaprio.” Minho said proudly. Hyunjin scoffed, “Don’t you mean Leonardo Da Vinci?” “Ugh, this guy- plebeian. He pretends that he knows art,” Minho scoffed, laughing with Jisung at Hyunjin, “No, I mean Leonardo DiCaprio.” “Come on man, when it comes to art, Minho knows best. After all, I’ve paid over $100 for his lessons.” Jisung placed his pityingly on Hyunjin’s shoulder. “A good investment. I won’t let you down!” Minho said smugly, nodding his head. “When all this backfires on you, don’t come crying back to me.” Hyunjin threw up his hands defeatedly, walking out of the room.

I can’t believe Lee Minho. I can’t believe he didn’t do this assignment. I can’t believe he’s pushing all this work onto me! He has enough time to do freaking art classes for an art competition, but not to spare two words to work on the group assignment. Group, being the keyword!! It’s probably because he thinks he’s soooo handsome. Wait. Not handsome! He’s not handsome- he’s ugly. Wait. Not ugly. I like his hair. Oh, and the way his eyes sparkle when he smiles. Oh, and don’t get me started on his build. Who wouldn’t be jealous of his jawline? ...Ewwww. What am I thinking? Lee Minho, I hate you for infiltrating my thoughts. You are a horrible Scrooge that refuses to do this assignment and I refuse to give you the time of day by thinking about you. Not that that would matter anyway with how you ignore me. Staring at your phone for the fiftieth time, you looked at all the unread messages you had sent Minho regarding the assignment. You were genuinely concerned with how he thought he was going to pass this course if he wasn’t going to do any work. Not that it matters - once this was over, you would go your separate ways. Sighing, you turned back to your laptop, pulling up a PowerPoint since he who shall not be named decided he was too good to work on the assignment. I better get a good grade on this or God so help me and Minho when I murder him.

“So, Y/N, how are you going with your project? That looks so... interesting!” Your art lecturer stopped, staring at your attempt to sculpt a snowman. “Please. I know it’s trash but don’t tell Minho. Apparently, I need to beat him at this art contest to speak with him.” You rolled your eyes, staring at the boy across the room, as he stared down his clay on the pottery plate. “Oh? Sounds like he’s playing hard to get!” The lecturer laughed. “Hard to get? No. He’s just being rude.” You scoffed. “That’s how I won over my husband! Trust me, it works. Make sure you contact me when you guys get married.” Your art lecturer teased, walking away. ...what? He can’t be playing hard to get... he’s just being rude, right? No one would go to such extremes if they were playing hard to get. He’s probably just pranking me for his friends. Gosh, guys are such jerks (not really, I love some of y’all). Anyway, focus Y/N. You need to beat him to talk to him about the assignment. A commotion at the door shook you out of your internal monologuing, as you observed a guy with orangey hair alongside his friend (or lover, I can’t tell) come and harass him about making them a... life-sized present?? “...you’re an art major right? This’ll be right in your ballpark.” The boy clapped Minho on the back before leaving, their friend/lover hot on their heels. “But I’m an accounting major.” Minho sighed, putting his head in his hands. Wow. Sad backstory. His friends don’t even care about what he does. Whatever, I don’t pity him or anything. Then again, I could help him, allowing us more time to work on our assignment together... Steeling yourself, you tentatively approached a stressed Minho, “I may or may not have overheard your conversation with your friend. Are you okay? Do you need help?” “Really? You’d do that for me?” He asked genuinely before clearing his throat, “I mean. That’d be cool. We can do it at my dorm.” You gave him a small smile,

“Okay. Oh! And while we’re at it, we should discuss the project.” You grabbed your stuff before rushing after a speedy Minho.

“Hey, Minho hyung. How’d it go with— oh! Hi, you must be Y/N. I’m Hyunjin. Minho’s talked about you a lot.” Hyunjin smiled, welcoming you into the dorm. Another boy cleared his throat, staring pointedly at Hyunjin, “Uh- no he hasn’t. We don’t know anything about you, Y/N. And Hyunjin, don’t you have an end of year formal to plan?” The other boy said, eyes wide and pointedly staring at him and the door. “Um... okay.” You stared at them wildly until Minho dragged you to his room. “It was nice to meet you, Y/N!” Hyunjin called out.

“So, I have a cardboard box from the computer set up Jisung bought for his studio. All we need to do is wrap it.” “Okay, let’s do that.” You grabbed the wrapping off the table before wrapping the box mindlessly. “Don’t do that! It won’t look aesthetically pleasing.” Minho leaned over, delicately plucking the roll off you, your heart beating fast as your fingers grazed against each other. Get a grip, Y/N. “Seriously? Aesthetically pleasing? If you put half the effort you’re putting in your art project and this into your assignment that is due tomorrow. We’d top the class.” You said, exasperated. Minho froze, looking at you like a deer in headlights, “It’s due tomorrow?” He asked incredulously. “Didn’t you see any of my texts?” You asked, equally as incredulous. “I kinda... blocked you?” Minho rubbed his neck sheepishly. “Oh my— you really— I— wow. Minho. Good luck with this. I can’t believe you! You are so- so... irritating!” You sighed, done with him. “...wait so, are you leaving?” He asked tentatively. “No! Because I’m a decent human being and I’ll feel guilty since I already said I’d help you.” You said, angrily grabbing taping the wrapping paper to the box. “Wait! Don’t do it that way.” “I think we’re way past the point of you telling me what to do, Lee.”

“That’s an interesting snowman.” Minho sauntered up to your display, his artwork— apparently, not his sculpture but a now ruined life-sized present, as you waited for the judges to approach you, not too dissimilar from a kid at a science fair awaiting their judgement. “Oh. So you’re going to talk to me now? I’m sorry; the results aren’t out yet. I haven’t beaten you yet.” You turned away from him. “Wait—“ “Ah, hello number 34 - Y/N? Explain to us what we have here.” A judge approached, looking at your ‘snowman’. “Here we have a snowman. Although it looks... unique, it represents the fact that as an individual snowflake, every soul is unique. Not all snowmen look the same— some have big carrot noses, some have miniature heads, some aren’t even made of snow, and are made of clay that has somehow collapsed in on itself. It is basically a metaphor representing how our society functions.” You explained quickly, making things up as you go as Minho stared at you, bewildered. “Wow, that was so powerful. Thank you, Y/N. Now onto you, young man. What do we have here?” “Um- well. It’s a life-sized present. It’s slightly ruined because it was just used by someone to proclaim their love of someone else’s pick up lines?” Minho raised his eyebrows, confused by his own experience. “Wow. This is— wow. I love it. Everyone! I think we have a winner here.” The judge called everyone’s attention over. “No, no! I refuse to win!” Minho said worriedly. “Oh, you’re just being humble.” The judge smiled patronisingly. “No! I’m serious because if I win, I’ll never be able to speak to the person that I like because I was stupid enough to think I could play hard to get.” Minho exploded, an awkward silence pursuing as the crowd slowly backed away, as the judge quickly placing a first place ribbon on before scurrying back. As the crowd dispersed, people talking amongst themselves as they had done before, Minho cleared his throat, stepping towards you, “Y/N—“ “I guess this is it, then. You know, I finished the assignment for you, by the way. It was submitted last night.” You forced a smile, looking away from the man in front of you. “Wait what? I already handed in the assignment as well. Last night I finished it all.” Minho said, confused. “No! You did it last minute so I don’t trust your submission but now our professor is going to be so confused. One of us has to take down the submission.” You blurted out, panicked. “Well... why don’t we go to the University cafe and read over each other’s to decide which one’s better. As well as that, you can tell me more about yourself, personally.” Minho proposed tentatively. You sighed,

“One problem. I can’t and shouldn’t be talking to you.” You said, raising your eyebrows at him. “Okay, I know I suck at playing hard to get. Like really really suck. But now I know not to follow Jisung’s love advice. Truth is, you really intimidated me. I was nervous that if I acted like myself and confessed to you normally, I would make a fool out of myself and you wouldn’t like me back.” Minho explained. “You- you’re an idiot.” Leaning forward you pressed your lips to his before quickly pulling away. “I think. You playing hard to get did work.” You said quietly, a small smile on your face. “Wait, so you like me too?” He said quickly, incredulous. “Lee Minho, you infiltrate my thoughts nearly every second of the day and I used to resent you for that. Although, I don’t really think it was resentment. I like you, Minho. I like you a lot... especially your hair?” You said quickly. He smiled, pulling you in for another kiss, this time longer, your heart soaring, as you pulled back, intertwining your fingers with his. “As much as I enjoy doing this, we should probably get back to the cafe and fix our assignment.” You said, leading him towards the exit. “Oh, yeah! I forgot about that.” He commented sheepishly. “You’re lucky you have me, then.”

➳ part four?  |  masterlist!

[jeeperso]

D&D Quotes Without Context

Ravenloft, Hazlan Arc, part 5

"It’s cool. They stole it." "And you know this how?" "Magic." “90% of Ravenloft deaths are mysterious vanishings.” "Why does everything come out covered in glitter and … is that …" "Lube. I’ve got a few theories." "Please don’t share them."

OOC: This is a plan that ends with Strahd having fewer brides, his castle is in flames, and he’s lost his cape.

OOC: Our team consists of a horny pyromancer, a gnome who can fillete you in five seconds, an HP lovecraft protagonist with actual magic backing them up, a literal slab of iron with a face, and a guy with a "I went to the eternal city of Ryleth and all I got was PTSD and this lousy T shirt". Gorbash smashing his shield into their face: "Have! You! Considered! Therapy!" OOC: Good news is you guys will no longer be the most conspicuous guys at the masquerade now. Jonni: Challenge accepted! "Nyx, the bounty on stealing his fake mustache is still on."

"Lets see, gonna make Jonni Deathlock six, gonna make the cleric a Huecuva, the Dragonborn a skeleton warrior, make a wight with the gnome.... I don't think I can make an undead with the big guy but pretty sure Hazlik wants him personally." Gorebash is offended. "I beat the shit out of the witch-slaying sentient hammer that was trying to gank you and all I merit is a Skeleton Warrior! That hurts Nima. I expect CR3 or better or I'm taking my corpse business elsewhere." "I'm not powerful enough to make you a death knight, Sorry." Jonni: "Wow, Hazzy, you need better minions. We should kill her." OOC: Point is, if you can make liches or Death knights, Hazlik's already killed you and written his name over your grad thesis.

Jonni: "NOPE! No fey queens. Not after last time! Well… maybe just a few times…"

“Hey, I need to ask for some magic stuff, but also I need an outfit for a royal dinner. Something that says, I’m an ostentatious adventurer visitor to your lands, but also that I plan to spending this dinner in the cloak room with one or more of the serving maids.”

As it is most gauche to appear before a darklord with a warpick sized hole in the middle of one's chest.

"... This place has made green things seem ominous to me."

"A giant beanstalk, this is the most unique wizard's tower I've ever seen."

On that note you also notice behind the Beanstalk is what seems like a huge lagoon of bubbling green ooze. Edmund leans to the side to get a good look... Several zombies are working tossing corpses into it, as the corpses hit the ooze they dissolve into it. Edmund leans back to get a less good look before knocking.

"Since he hopefully can't hear us, Your boss is kind of a self absorbed egomaniac... if he didn't have so power I'm sure someone would have thrown a brick at him by now." “I know where we can find bricks.” "Supply of Bricks is not the issue, Jonni." “Everyone says that until the revolt starts. Pays to be prepared.”

“That explains it. You’re about the research, your boss is about applied power of dickery.”

“I hung around a magic school once to let the grad students study me for their thesis.”

“Oh, good fascist wizards. Why can’t we kill him again?” "Phenomenal cosmic power."

"Oh crud, the ooze someone merged some of the corpses together and brought them back to life as a new being. At least that is my wild guess as to what happened here." Willow blinks. "Um, this is unprecedented." “Nah, but usually you need lighting and some grave robbing.”

"I mean I grew a toe out of corn." Willow says, "Its not that far fetched."

"You think, therefore you are. Freedom is your right." “Weird, that magic red self driving wagon I met once said something similar.”

"The Elder Brain will deal with you eventually. You will never escape it." “Clan chief told me that the day I stole his mammoth after he found me with his daughter. Pretty sure that loser is still freezing his tiny grimbas off on fuck-stick mountain.”

at supper, to Mama: "I am forbidden from your kitchen for good reason, but I may require your assistance with my culinary dark arts for the feast." Mama gives you a dirty look. "Who are you trying to kill?" "Not kill, on purpose anyway, just a severe enough food coma."

"Yes, I already reminded the others we can't fake our deaths again." "Yeah that only works so often," Sergei says. Edmund lost a perfectly good watch that day.

OOC: THE FUCKING LENG FOLK HAVE UFOS! MOTHER-FUCKERS!

"Plus we owe you for sending the Sullivans our way. That was a well paying job." "Yeah, except I got those fleas on me and hallucinated I was a pawn broker sign. That was a weird afternoon."

As side effect of the dark cookery, Marshal's armor is well-oiled throughout the day, though Mama insists he be kept away from Jonni or pregnant women.

...you can see ominous black clouds of smoke coming from the wagon all that day. The rats and roaches circling it with anticipation. With the occasional black speech of "Double it." Mama comes rushing out after a bit, holding a rag on her face. "That.. is very ominous." “We’re gonna have to cast this back into the fires of its creation eventually.” "Marshal may serve the gods, but when he cooks he's channeling Asmodeus himself." OOC: The meal must be cast into the deep fryers of Mount McDoom. Only there can it be unmade.

Marshal's player: *rolls natural 20 on cooking check* GM: Congradulations, it's edible. Marshal: "It...is done..." "By all that is holy..." The chocolate is so dark, light cannot escape it’s surface. 50 pounds of butter per square inch. OOC: It occurs to me this is basically a more fucked up retelling of Snow White.

“Gor, going with plan C cup. You know what I like if he starts thinking he’s cute by offering choices of rewards.” "Try not to do anything that requires a rescue."

Marshall is clearly trying to spontaneously multiclass into psionics the way he's trying to vaporize Hazlik with his stare.

"I will draw." Hazlik smiles, places the cards before you, then steps the hell back. Jonni pat Edmunds shoulder and shakes his hand. “It’s been okay knowing you. You were one of the least dickish dudes I ever met. And part of a select few I didn’t want to punch in the balls.”

“You will. Briefly. That’s a promise from Jonathana, She Who Makes Torches of Men. Daughter of Eloise Wolf Slayer, outcast of the Mammoth Tribe, and consort of the 37th Princess of Fuck Mountain.“

OOC: Nima is someone we can actively reach to strangle to death. Dark lords are a bit out of choking range.

OOC: But.... and this is important: Will Edmund ever get pants? OOC: Strahd will consider it.

OOC: Like this is the dark powers going "He looked at me crossways, PUT HIM N THE HOLE."

OOC: If Ravenloft is a jail/prison, this is the equivalent of getting thrown in solitary confinement. OOC: Without pants.

[c-atm]

G-squared: The genin exam

Hello!" Steven cheered at the five in front of him. Connie, Daniel, Patricia, Peedee, and Jeff sat in a wilderness-like area created by the C.A.R ( Customizable Alternative Reality) orb.

"This magitech is amazing," Jeff started, amazed,

"It is a portable gem room..along with other things," Connie declared proudly before turning to Steven," Nice hat and robes, Mister."

"Thank you," Steven smirked, giving a small puff of his pipe, blowing a bubble.

"Yeah, you are looking kind of important there, Steve," Danny smirked.

"That's because I am the Kage of the village hidden in the Diamond! Hidden in the land of gems; The DaiyamondoKage."

"Oh my God, we're doing Boruto!" Tricia exclaimed

"That or Boruto's dad Shippuden." Peedee quipped. "So, which number are you?"

"The fifth, all nepotism." Steven nodded coolly.

"So you're the one percent!" Jeff pointed, "time to pull a coup."

That got a laugh out of everyone before Steven spoke again.

"So, you guys are-"

"Anbu, black ops." Connie interrupted with a smile.

"Freshly made child-labor…." Steven counted, "also known as Genin...You're about 12-13 in this."

"13…" Jeff answered, "That Anbu age in the leaf."

"This isn't the leaf village. ANBU: Crystal gems gotta be at least 15 here."

"Where our headbands?" Danny inquired.

"They ain't made yet." Steven shrugged," anywho, you guys are team 265.2"

"Wait, what? How many people graduated this year?!" Jeff screamed," and why is there a point two?"

"Enough, and you and Peedee are the point two."

"What the hell?"

"Stop pausing the scenario!" Steven ordered.

"Ok, so what are we going to do here, Daikage?" Connie chuckled.

"Right. You five are gonna be tasked with meeting your sensei at the entrance of the wilderness of the lost."

"Wait?" Trica exclaimed.

"What?" Peedee added.

"Guessing we are currently in the wilderness of the lost?" Connie joked.

"As expected from the heiress of the Maheswaran family, carrier of the Maheswarigan."

"Hell yeah! Kekkei Genkai!" Connie raised her gust with a laugh, "So what do my eyes do?!"

"Now, what makes you think it's an eye Jutsu?"

"Sharingan, Rinnegan, Tenseigan, Byakugan…"

"Her sight is 'gan,' all 'gan!'" Tricia yelled in jest as she and Connie laughed.

"W-what the fuck?" Peedee laughed.

"Calm down; all will be revealed In time.." Steven smiled, "So as we stated, we have Connie Maheswaran of the Maheswarigan. Next, puppet user Jeff of the sand."

"Ey! Puppet master on deck!" Jeff cheered, "What my puppet looks like, Dai-kage?!"

Steven grinned, tossing Jeff a doll.

"OH, Screw you, Universe." Peedee kissed his teeth, holding back a laugh, looking at the Frybo plush in Jeff's hand.

"Horrifying power!" Jeff roared out, chuckling.

"Speaking of Peedee, we have Peedee Frymichi."

"FRYMICHI!?" Peedee shook his head, "let me guess, soldier pills?"

"Soldier fries, but you also have body temperature Jutsu, which allows you to increase or decrease your body temperature to superhuman degrees."

"I…" Peedee shrugged. "I have no retort; that's actually pretty cool."

"See... Next, we have Patricia of the sound."

"So we have both a sound and sand on the same team. Where do you get these kids from?" Danny laughed.

"You don't need to know what a Kage does." Steven retorted, "above your pay grade."

"Daikage, what can I do?" Patricia inquired with a smirk. "What, my Jutsu?"

"You play the triangle."

"A~and?"

"Umm." Steven shrugged, " I don't know. I leave it to you."

"Oh, that bull." The bespectacled woman turned her lips, "Everyone else got an explanation of their special Jutsu, and all I get is ' triangle. '"

"Still don't know what my eyes can do," Connie muttered.

"You have a bloodline limit! You don't get to complain."

"I gave you free rein to make your own ability, be happy." Steven countered, "last we have D of the Cloud."

"Is anybody literally from this village!?." Danny questioned.

"Not a single one of you, anywho..." Steven answered smugly, "You guys make up Team 265.2."

"265.2!?" Connie laughed.

"The further this scenario goes, the more questions it raises." Jeff exclaimed, "Why is the number so high, and why isn't a full number?"

"...You guys are tasked," Steven started ignoring the question, getting howls and laughter of opposition from the group, "Your kage is talking!"

"I was stolen from my village. I refute your leadership!" Jeff yelled.

"Never asked to be a ninja; I wanted to be a fry cook." Peedee wailed, "my parents wanted me to be a nin!"

"I got a triangle. Diii~iing!" Tricia taunted.

"I was told this was a student exchange program," Danny complained.

"I was told money was involved." Connie started, "plus tragic anime backstory shit."

"I will send you all back to the academy!" Steven challenged.

"Go ahead, do it!" Peedee challenged, starting a chorus of disobedience from the rest towards Steven, who rubbed his head to keep from laughing.

"All right, Alright, Steven...Daikage-Sama." Connie batted her eyes in flirtatious teasing, "how does this work?"

"See, at least one of you is grateful."

"I'm happy to be out of the dungeon."

The rest looked at her, a bit horrified.

"I am going for tragic anime character; stop judging me."

“I...Don’t have a dungeon.” Steven stated, chuckling, “But that is neither here nor there. Now ninjas need to be both smart and strong. The lost shall test that, for you are tasked with getting out of the wilderness and back to the village within nine hours or turns. Actions also cost hours, as do hints... If you fail, you will not be recognized as ninjas and…." He let it hang.

"What?"

"You'll find out…."

"Ohhh!..I'm not too fond of that...I don't like that at all." Jeff snorted while chuckling.

"Just don't fail. Hehe. Now to begin, you guys need to make a decision. North. south, east, or west.”

“Where do each lead?” Danny inquired.

“Where indeed?”

“We’re going west,” Connie stated.

“Hold on, why do you get to make the decision?”

“Because I'm from this place, Cloudie.”

“I say we go north,” Patricia stated.

“Naw, let’s go south.” Jeff challenged.

“My nose says we go east..” Peedee offered,” Where’s there’s food, there are people.”

“Frybo and I say south.”

“My Maheswarigan is showing me the way, and it’s west.”

“My triangle rings to the northern border.”

Steven just laughed at their arguing.

“It doesn't matter, does it?” Daniel scratched his chin, looking at Steven, who just shrugged,

"Choose wrong, and you waste an hour."

''...We're going north."

"That two for north, two for the south."

"Two for sou~? YOU'RE COUNTING THE PUPPET VOTE!?" Peedee yelled.

"Hey, Frybo is a part of the 265.2." Jeffed defended the doll

"Frybo is a puppet from hell, deserving to be cast into the deepest fryer in the nine hells!" Peedee pointed. "I'm saying north just out of spite."

Steven stood looking at Connie to see if she changed her vote. "Well...You go north, moving deeper into the Lost ." Steven announced as the area scene shifted and darkened.

"See!? We should have gone south! Now we lost an hour." Jeff yelled, "Follow Frybo. For he knows the way."

- riiiing-riiiing-

"The hell is that?" Connie asked, a bit annoyed at the ringing.

"Doesn't matter; we're heading south," Jeff stated.

"You guys heading south?" Steven questioned, getting nods all around. "You head south...and find yourself back here."

- riiiing-riiiing-

"Now we are down to eight hours!" Danny yelled.

"Just saying if we went south, we would be halfway home."

"I'm pressing X to doubt." Peedee poked Jeff's cheek.

- Riiiing-Riiiing-

"What the hell is that ringing?!" Danny yelled,

"Wanna hint?" Steven asked,

"Can we get hints?" Jeff inquired,

"Did you not pay attention...Yes, hints cost an hour as Jutsu." Steven sighed

"Please, hint us!"

"You suuure…? It Costs an hour."

- Riiiiiiiing-Riiiiiiiing-

"Oh, God. It's getting more piercing...Give us a hint!"

"What are the three types of Jutsu?" Steven grinned.

"Nin, Tai, and…" Connie turned to Tricia, " Play with your triangle."

"Wow, beautiful phrasing, "  Tricia laughed.

"Oh my Shiva! Get your head out of the gutter and dispel the Genjutsu."

"So demanding too." Tricia chuckled more before ringing her instrument with a -Diiingg-diinnng!- The area lit up three paths were shown to the crew.

" North, West, or East?" Steven grinned, "since you used a hint and dispelled the Genjutsu, you lost two hours...Soo six hours left."

"OH my God, we blew through nearly half our time already!" Connie rubbed her temples. " Can I use my special eyes, Mister Daikage?" Connie batted her eyes.

"You wanna use the Heartful glance." Steve chuckled, " Ok, so for this game, you can use your eyes twice since you have two."

"Ingenious." Peedee taunted.

"That's why your parents' food shop failed to feed the Akimichi appetite," Steven noted nonchalantly.

"Wow, Daikage is petty,' Peedee blinked before the group started to laugh.

"Anyway, two times for your special eyes, your right eye grants your guys an auto turn. No hour lost. Right answer only."

" Oh shit, that..that's a bit OP for this." Jeff  stated, "What does the right eye do?"

"Best to save that for later, hehe."

"Shit, I'm using the left Maheswarigan," Connie announced with pride.

"You go east." The area shifted again as Steve spoke, this time displaying a creek and two paths. One of wood, and the other wildflowers in bloom. "So you guys can take a chance with the creek. Drink the water, try to fish...Set up camp..replenish yourself before moving on."

"Wait, wait...Why do you say chance , as if something horrible can happen? "

"Because everything can lead to death in the ninja world."

"If you don't have Talk-no-Jutsu," Danny interjected.

"I mean, yeah, that is the most powerful skill in Naruto." Tricia nodded, "allows him to hold the world hostage."

"Wait, what?" Peedee questioned.

"Thank you, I know I couldn't be the only one thinking that." Danny exclaimed, "that's the only reason I can see Orochimaru not getting fucked up every day."

"Cause of Naruto? How does that work? "

"Discuss the fucking loophole that is the sound and leaf shadow relationship on your own time!" Steven clapped, getting their attention.

"Ok, so how is this gonna work?" Peedee inquired.

"Depends, what you're going to do...Going to rest, or going to move on? If you stay..you have a chance to stock another free turn, via Connie getting to use her left eye again if...and I'll even throw in the chance of making this a free turn, if things go your way."

"Yo, camping out. Risk it for the biscuit." Danny offered.

"Hold on...Steven, what if we fuck up." Tricia narrowed her eyes.

"If it is bad, you lose two hours. If it is not so bad, it's a normal turn."

Connie pursed her lips and turned to the others, "risk it?"

The group nodded.

"So you're resting. Ok, So, are you going to drink...or are you gonna try to fish? If you try to fish, that's a chance for a free turn and Connie's left eye."

"Which also can lead us to lose two hours if we mess up."

"Yup. Just drinking can grant Connie her eye...If you don't mess up."

"And how do we mess up drinking at a creek?" Jeff taunted.

"Coin flip." Steven grinned, showing a coin app on his phone " fishing is a bit more complicated; you have to choose the right teammates to get fish and prepare the fish, plus a coin flip, but two free hours."

"We're fishing." Connie challenged, "Ninjas need to be fearless." The group nodded in agreement.

"OK, Who's fishing?"

The group stood before looking at each other.

"I would like to remind you that previously used Jutsu can't be used for at least three hours unless replenished. So Tricia's triangle is currently unavailable until the next turn."

"Well, thought she could Genjutsu the fish." Jeff stated, "What does Connie's right eye do?"

"...Sure you wanna use the right Maheswarigan, now?"

"...Not anymore," Peedee stated, seeing Steven's evil grin. "We're gonna pocket that."

"Jeff, use Frybo to get us some fish, puppet man." Connie smacked her friend back.

"Yeah! Puppeteer, that bitch." Peedee added.

"Puppeteer, that bitch." Jeff shook his head, chuckling, "Steven, I puppeteer the bitch to get the fish."

"That's gonna stick." Steven smirked, "that being said...Good choice. Frybo enters the creek and gets a fish for each member of the team. A.K.A Jeff puppeteered the bitch and got ya some fish."

"Steven swear! Not a G-Squared ep without one." Tricia laughed, pumping her fist.

"Ok, so who gonna-"

"Peedee." The group stated.

"Me, food is my specialty." Peedee  smirked, "and I use my body temperature Jutsu for cooking the fish."

"Fair enough...I was hoping you messed up." Steven shrugged, "but naw, you got your free turn, and Connie got her Jutsu."

"My special eyes!" Connie roared, "Full power!"

Ok, so you guys ate, you're replenished." Steven grinned, "Wildflowers or Woodlands?  Where we going?

The group looked at each other.

" Woodlands," Connie stated.

"Why would you choose Woodlands over wildflowers? Look at them dark, horrifying woods…." Peedee argued.

"The wildflowers could be a lie...LIE, I SAY!"

"This is some tragic anime story shit. We're going through wildflowers." Tricia stated.

"I'm with Connie on this one; it's definitely  woodlands." Danny nodded her a high-five, "what you say, Jeff, flowers or woods."

" I sayyy…"

_________________________

Steven: And that is where we end this episode. What happened next, do they become genin of my village...SSSHHH~HMMM. That will be seen, but until you next time, G-squared Breakout. Oh, and remember, in life you sometimes have to puppeteer the bitch and get ya some fish.

[atomicblasphemy]

Blight Industries Board Meeting

I have some thoughts about that EE episode. Being myself I just couldn’t put them out in a sensible fashion, so I put on some crust in my headphones, amped everyone’s cynicism, and here’s the result.

                                                       O: Good evening everyone and welcome to the Blight Industries board meeting of number...            

Ed and Em shoot glances at each other as confused about how they ended up there as when it happened for the first time.            

Al looks longingly at his workshop door.            

Amity glares.            

Am: Mom, can we try to have dinner like a normal family which, according to Merriam-Webster at least, we technically are? For once at least?            

O: That can wait, Mittens. Anyway, I called you all here to announce I shall be making some changes to our company. Namely, I shall change the job titles of the three of you. I’m still CEO, Alador still development, research and, well, the assembly line I suppose. As for you, Emira, Edric, you’re now in charge of security. I don’t want to hear about company secrets leaking out, okay? Mittens, you’re our new marketing department.            

Am: Marketing?            

Em: Seriously, mom?            

Od: Dearests, this is a meeting please use our appropriate titles.            

Ed: No no no no. They have a point. Okay, let me see if I understand your thought process. So, you’re the head of a company, right?            

Od: I don’t like your tone, Edric. But okay, I’ll humor you. Yes I am, go on.            

Ed: And said company essentially sells only guns.            

Od: Mhmm, what’s your point?            

Ed: And you think that the best way to convey that is by using your local annoyed teenage lesbian that half the time looks like she would be rather doing literally anything else? Is that a correct assessment, ma’am?            

Od: Oh, and I suppose you have a better idea?            

Em: Yeah, we do. ANYONE ELSE. We *frantically and repeatedly points her finger from herself to Edric*  could do this, I mean we tried to leak our sister’s journal just a few weeks ago so we clearly know nothing about keeping secrets. You could do it. I mean, no offense, but putting up a show seems to be your only useful skill because if this your idea of how to run a company, we... aaaaand now I’m suddenly starting to realize where we get our decision making incompetence from. Anyway. This guy *points at Alador* could do it if you just made sure to remind him that that’s what’s funding his little research. Heck, you could hire Luz. She’s pretty charismatic and just took a shot at the Emperor himself. I’m sure having someone like that vouching for our products would do wonders for our business. See? That’s how you make a half-decent marketing strategy. Besides, I hear Luz could use the money and I’m sure Mittens would be happy to have her working here.            

Am: Yup, normally I’d have other reasons but honestly I’d just be happy someone else is doing this particular job.            

Al: *woop there goes gravity* Why? I told you this wasn’t the best idea. Besides, we agreed, twice at least, that I would take care of the abominations and you’d be in charge of everything else *leans in closer to whisper conspiratorially to Odalia* I don’t like dealing with them *points at their very loving children*.            

Ed, Em, and Am: HEY!            

Al: *sighs* Listen to your boss, children.            

The children huddle closer, they are the conspiratorial ones now.            

Am: We’re gonna end up broke and starving, aren’t we?            

Em: Yeah, isn’t it weird though? I mean, you’d think they’d have found someone better to... sponsor by now. Apparently that’s not the case. Moreover, why do they, our parents I mean, keeping putting so many resources into product development then? And it’s not even like we’re branching out into new markets, making some groundbreaking products. Nope, just shinier versions of the old stuff.            

Am: Hum... Can either of you teach me how to write a resume?            

Ed: I... uh... was going to ask you the same thing.            

--------------------------            

Later.            

Em: Okay, let’s recap the recent events, shall we?            

Odalia and Alador were sat side by side in flimsy wooden chair at the factory’s storage area. Their children loomed over them with stern faces.            

Am: First off, you decided to entirely restructure the company, you know, the one with our name in it. And you did so by making all possible wrong choices. Especially putting me as the face and head of marketing.            

Ed: Then, secondly, when you realized that wasn’t working due to Mittens, justifiably I might add, wanting to do pretty much anything else with her time. So you two in a strike of parenting brilliance decide that the best way to deal with all of that was not to, oh I don’t know, hire some specialist or anything like that for the position and let her, and us, be teenagers like any normal parent would do. No, instead you think: “Hey, I’ll double down and alienate the one of my children giving me a hard time from the only people she seems to like.”            

Al: In our defense...            

Em: AND THEN, when one of said people decide to actually do something about, and in a very diplomatic fashion given the circumstances, mind you, you go ahead and try to commit murder in front of a large audience of potential witnesses. Granted, not a particularly morally upstanding audience given the type of products they were trying to buy, but still. Do you have any idea how many people would want a piece of you if you actually hurt the human? You have three of them standing in front of you right now.            

Od: Well, Emira dearest, you can’t argue with the numbers. Tonight’s sale was an astounding success.            

Am: And she still has her poise despite all the failures... Look, the three of us, we’ve been talking. We somehow are also part of the board, right? Moreover, we are, despite all evidence on the contrary, still employs of this company. So we put things through a vote.            

Ed: First off, we’re unionizing. And your first demand is better working conditions...            

Od: I’m not putting apple blood fountains in the factory floors. That’s off the table. I already told this Edric. The abominations take a surprising liking to the stuff.            

Em: We can discuss the specifics later. We have other topics at hand.            

Al: Okay, like what?            

Em: You two are out. Actually just you mom. We still need dad for development of new products and stuff.            

Od: WHAT? You can’t do this.            

Am: Let me rephrase what Emira said: you’re not CEO anymore. She is.            

Al and Od: EMIRA?            

Ed: Yes, Emira. I’ll be in charge of supply and distribution as well as any other duties dad still had besides research and develop. Mom, you’re the new Mittens. I mean, marketing. You’re in charge of marketing now. Just marketing and literally nothing else. I’m sure we won’t regret giving you this much responsibility. And, by the way. One mistake and we’re hiring Luz for the job. AND we’re giving her enough shares to sit at the board.            

Od: *starts chuckling while reaching for a small book in her vest* I can’t say I’m not angry at the three of you, but it is indeed nice to see you trying to take a more active role in the company. But there’s a big flaw to your little coup. You see, according to article 15 of the Blight Industries statute, Alador’s vote, as well as mine...            

Al: I’m voting with them, Odalia.            

Everyone else turns to look at him, wide eyed.            

Al: Look, I’m not ecstatic about this or anything. But at the end of day if Edric is taking half the load off my shoulders then I’ll have the more time in my workshop. And away from them. Odalia, don’t look at me like that, I told you the other day I was wanting us to develop magic powered air fryers. Now I’ll have the time for that. We can tap onto more markets this way, more money.            

Od: ... You’re sleeping on the couch tonight.            

Al: *sighs* How about Mittens, what will she do now?            

Am: Librarian. That’ll be my new job title.            

Al: We have no use for a librarian, Amity. You know that, don’t you?            

Am: I know. I’m not working here anymore. Gary had been telling me for some time about this internship opening. I start Monday. But don’t go thinking I’ll leave the board. I’m keeping my shares and besides, Ed and Em agreed to keep me as an adviser.            

Od: Oh look at our daughter, Alador. Going all out on that daily grind, making the minimum wage. Are you sure you can handle it, Mittens my dear?            

Am: Well, you paid me in passive aggressive comments and threats so far. I consider minimum wage a raise if anything.            

Od: Whatever you say... In any case. I suppose I’ll now be some sort of glorified secretary then.            

Em: What do you mean, mom?            

Od: Oh, right. You weren’t there at the time. We struck a big contract, big enough so we won’t need to worry about marketing for the foreseeable future.            

Em: What? HOW?            

Al: That uhh... That kid, what’s his name again? The new head of the Emperor’s coven. He came in after the sales ended, said we should go around building Frankenstein mercenaries, and that the Emperor would be buying all of our Thanos thingies aaand on top of that the state would fund all our future research.            

Ed and Em: Oh... Oh... Ohh Titan... Didn’t he get ahold of Eda’s portal? Mittens, we have to tell Luz.            

Am: *chuckles* Yeah, good luck with that, Emperor.            

Ed: I... Are you okay? Shouldn’t you be worried?            

Am: Eh... I mean... First things first. Yeah, I know he’s building an army to invade the human realm and yeah, I know we’ll be supplying the weaponry and that I should probably give Luz a heads up. But, you know. That’s pretty stupid of him when you think about it.            

Ed: What?            

Am: I mean, think about it. He is getting a supplier that he knows, for a fact, has a positive connection to his enemies. Meaning it would be in our interest - especially mine, you know, the other Blight with Abomination know how and the one closest to the one human living in the Boiling Isles, as proven today - to put some back doors in all the tech we’ll be selling them. Moreover... Sure humans don’t have magic but they make up for it in other ways. Luz was telling me about her realm the other day and... Well... Let me put it this way: we are not humans, meaning we are not covered by the Geneva convention. Best case scenario once Bellos opens the portal we, not them, become a colony. And humans don’t make a habit of treating their colonies with any decency. So, you know... Anyway. Worst case scenario, they’ll just start pumping napalm, anthrax, mustard gas, and all sorts of fun stuff chemical and biological weapons through the portal. Meaning we’ll die. Painfully. Heck, they can even make good on their anti-nuclear proliferation treaties and just throw it all here and make it go boom. Trust me, that alone will be enough to finish sinking the Titan.            

All the other four Blights look at her wide eyed.            

Am: Eh... But you know, I’ll go and tell Luz and Eda. Fir witchkind’s sake or whatever. So... See you guys later.            

Od: *shaking the shock away from her head* Oh... Quite a hurry to go and see Luz, aren’t we Mittens? *a sly smile forming* I’m sorry... I meant YOUR Luz.            

Ed and Em: Oh yeah, I forgot about that. Damn, missed the joke.            

Al just nods in agreement.            

Am: What are you people talking about?            

Od: Oh, it’s nothing really Mittens, my dear child. It’s just that, you seem to be rather attached to her, aren’t you? In a very weird way, but still.            

Am: Weird? Weird how? You’re talking non-sense.            

Ed: No, Mittens, the lady has a point. I don’t get your thought process tonight either.            

Am: I have no idea what...            

Ed: No, seriously. I mean, no need to beat around the bush here: you have a gargantuan crush on her. That’s plenty obvious to everyone here.            

Am: *blushing* No comments.            

Ed: Whatever, I’ll take that to mean you do. So, you see your crush up on the stage. She’s fighting dad’s Thanos thingy. Which, might I add, was being controlled by him. Seriously, what the hell, dude? Is this a way to meet your potential daughter-in-law? Anyway. She’s potentially in mortal danger. And your first thought is: I’m gonna woo her.            

Am: That’s... not what I thought...            

Em: Yeah, Mittens. Sure. That’s why the first you did was to turn around and start climbing the ladders.            

Am: I... They were fighting up there, I wanted to get to close quarters.            

Em: Nope. Not buying it.            

Ed: We were watching it all unfold Mittens, you started climbing the ladders before, long before, they were up there.            

Am: But... the crowd.            

Ed: Dispersed pretty quickly, and knowing Abomination magic, as you do, you definitely knew Thanos would have that effect.            

Am: I... But... I wanted to fight close quarters... and I wanted... the higher ground.            

Em: So... You are up in the pipes, and by then Luz and Thanos are already back in ground level. So you position yourself in the spot with the best lighting and a means for you to quickly climb down - I swear, I’m certain I saw you double checking to make sure you were positioned just right. Then you take your sweet time pulling your hood back up. And finally, then and only then, you go to Luz’s rescue by using your magic. And you do that before you climb down, meaning your magic has enough range, as we’ve all always known, to be effective without the close  quarters or the higher.            

Ed: Come on, Mittens. Just admit it. You wanted to do a super-hero landing in front of your crush. Come on...            

Am: I... Do you think it worked?            

Everyone, expect for Amity, looks at Alador.            

Al: I dunno, why are you asking me?            

Ed: Because somehow out of all of us you’re the one most likely to pick up that sort of stuff.            

Al: Right, and I’m also the one least likely to care.            

Am: I’M YOUR DAUGHTER.            

Em: *taking a deep breath* Okay, lets pause for a second here. Ed, Mittens. Pat yourselves on the back. Come on, do it. Look, I’ll do it too. *begins  patting her own back in tandem with her siblings’ more tentative display*            

Am: Em... Why are we doing this?            

Em: For not succumbing to drugs and alcohol (shrewd ad campaigns on Twitter aside). *Edric and Amity begin patting their backs more enthusiastically, Emira turns to their parents* You know, you two. You should pat yourselves on the back as well. I mean, sure, we’ll need years of therapy to undo all the damage the emotional neglect the both of you show us has caused so far, but no one can say we don’t get plenty of variety.            

Al: Are you done being passive aggressive, Emira?            

Em: What can I say? I’ve learned from the best. *looks at Odalia, who just rolls her eyes*            

Al: *sighing* As for your previous question. The human seemed to be blushing as well. So my best guess is that Amity’s little... spectacle... did work.            

Od: See? And you dare say it was a bad idea to put her on marketing.            

Am: That’s because I had a reason to care when I was doing all that.            

Od: Ohh right, then what do you suggest I had done to make you care about our, emphasis on our, business.            

Am, Ed and Em in unison: Pay us for our labor.            

Am: I mean, seriously. You guys built a whole business model around Abominations: a.k.a. free labor. Sure you could afford to pay us, a.k.a. self aware creatures that are not (and I’ve checked this) Abominations, something.            

Ed: So... again to recap the day. Mom and dad lost their company, Bellos shot himself square in the foot. Hell, even this new coven head pretty much proved his lack of intelligence gathering competence by doing business with us. Today was a failure on every front. Even Luz when you think about it.            

Em: Luz?            

Ed: Yeah... She trusted... her *points at Odalia*.            

Em: Ohh...            

Od: HEY! I’m still your mother.            

Em: Nominally, maybe. Jury still out on that one. Anyway, that reminds me. I want all our financial books for the past five years i my desk, formerly yours, in two days.            

Am: I think my day was pretty successful. I have reason to believe my crush likes me back and I’ll know what a healthy professional and financial life looks like for the first in these 14 groolling and long years of existence. So things are looking up for me. Anyway... Are we done here?            

Am: I guess so, why?            

Am: Cool. Gonna head out.            

Em: Oh, going to let your Luz know of the Emperor’s plan and bask in her presence.            

Am: Emira, I swear in the Titan’s name that if you ever address her like that in front of her they will never find your body. But yes, that’s the gist of it.            

Em: Fine. Actually, wait up. Lilith is living there now isn’t she? I wanted to talk to her.            

Am: Lilith as in Lilith Clawthorne? Eda’s sister? Former head of the Emperor’s Coven? My former mentor? That Lilith?            

Em: Yup.            

Am: Why, pray tell, do you want to talk to her?            

Em: Wanted to hire her. We need a new accountant.            

Am: And you thought of her because...?            

Em: Lack of options?            

Am: I... You know what, fair enough.            

Ed: Hold up. I’m coming with. I don’t like being around them *points at Odalia and Alador*.            

Am: Sure.            

They leaving. Only Odalia and Alador are left in the room.            

Al: Wow.            

Od: I know.            

Al: Just... wow...            

Od: I know.            

Al: I don’t know how to process any of this. It happened all so fast.            

Od: I know.            

Al: Like... no sense of pacing at all.            

Od: I know, Alador. Titan do I know.            

Al: Almost as if everyone’s words were being written by an extra-dimentional entity that reaaally wanted to rant but didn’t want to put out their opinions in a more reasonable manner, and wasn’t even remotely concerned with making it sound like a normal conversation.            

Od: I know.            

Al: Anyway. We failed as people, didn’t we?            

Od: *sighing* I know.            

[golbrocklovely]

yall my anxiety is thru the fucking ROOF RN

so my mom's car is a push-to-start. and she told me before that for whatever reason, there was one time when her car just turned off while she was driving. she was safe, luckily, and it started back on not too long after it shut off.

and hilarious (and by that i mean the complete fucking opposite) i had this really weird gut feeling that i should have taken an uber to AAA where i was going to reupdate my ID bc it expired in early november and i had been meaning to get it done.

so we went after i was done work, waited for like 20-30 mins for the whole process, and then we were on our way, we were literally about to pull onto the main road, which is crazy busy bc of rush hour, and the car just turned off.

mind you, my anxiety has been off the wall today bc of work and the amount of shipment we got in, and then on top of it, i hate driving done the main road during rush hour bc ppl are assholes.

so the car dies right before the drive way to pull onto the main road. ppl are still able to get around us, we were only blocking a tiny lane of traffic thru the parking lot.

but then a ups truck pulled up next to us, blocking the other lane, and basically forcing anyone that was behind us to stay put. and then the fucker had the audacity to yell at us for blocking traffic, as if we didn't have our fucking flashers on letting everyone know we were stuck.

so my mom and i are trying to talk to the lady on the phone about coming to tow our car out of a parking lot, had to go thru all the bs of that (and my mom not being able to hear the lady bc she was talking so quietly so that was fucking fun) and then right before the lady confirms that a tow truck was coming, she hung up.

after five minutes and me already starting to panic anyway, we call back, get a different person, and they confirm that a tow truck is coming.

and then magically, my mom's car turns back on. it seemed like it just needed to recharge the battery.... or something???? your guess would be as good as mine as to how the car started back up.

then we had to tell them to cancel the tow, which was fine bc it was covered under my mom's car insurance (so we ain't gonna get charged thank christ) and the whole way home i'm breathing like i was running a marathon bc i just want to get home but to do that we gotta travel down the main road with rush hour traffic which the possibility that the car could pull the same bs again :))))))

i feel like i'm going a thousands miles a min rn, the moment we got home i took my dogs out, made three grilled cheeses (one for me, one for my mom that she then dropped, then another one for her lol), fries in the air fryer, finally got changed and now i'm sitting in bed typing this.

dear lord above... fuck me.

slight positive is that while i have work tomorrow (which i wasn't supposed to have originally) i'm gonna be off friday-sunday, so yay!

also if you were wondering yes i do hate my new id photo :)

[alocasiagrey]

It's been a long time since I've felt like I've known the person staring back at me in the mirror. I think there comes a time in nearly every mothers journey that they feel they've lost themselves. They don't know where the person who started the journey magically disappeared to or how to find them, or if they will at all. And the answer is, you might not.

I think about a million people have probably made the comparison of motherhood being the equivalent to the metamorphosis from catapillar to butterfly. You may be made up of the same DNA and cells technically, but you might come out of the cocoon with entirely new colors, or the same colors but an entirely different pattern. Even though it feels more like the stages from meal worm to Beatle, especially when I look at myself naked in the mirror. I'm not gonna lie, I'm still working on a few things.

Unfortunately for some of us it refers more to our character rather than our appearance and to be honest I really wish I came out of the cocoon adorned with beautiful symmetrical colors but the only thing I've come out with are saggy tits, dark stretch marks, and a stomach made of cottage cheese... but at least the women I am today has depth, sympathy, wisdom, and passion. It was hard to find. It was hard to see my life as more than a literal bag, but not one drifting through the wind wanting to start again. No. More like a milk bag, or punching bag, or a hand reaching into a bag of chicken nuggets to put into the air fryer because my 4 year old decided its the only food this month.

But I've finally come out of the cocoon, it only took 4 years, one incredibly happy 2nd baby, and a move accross country. I've finally regained passion I was craving, I've shedded the cocoon and I don't wanna see that ugly ass caterpillar or hear her name ever again. I've reclaimed myself, I've found adventure, hope, and joy in every day life. So yeah. I hope you come a long for the ride? Also if you know me... no you dont.. please.. I'll delete the whole page if someone I know finds this so just pretend you didnt.😂