#literally no one has ever written a fanfic about him wtf????

[cosmiccdivinityy]

Ship rant

Finally figured out why I don’t like sukufushi ships so much. It’s because in most of the fics Megumi has no agency. I’ve read like five where he’s written with a backbone.

Like just cause Megumi is quiet doesn’t mean he wouldn’t fight back. His whole arc is him literally being on the verge of suicide because of how much he fights back.

Sukuna will abuse, beat, etc this boy and Megumi just takes it and doesn’t fight back yet somehow they’re in love. The power dynamics are so skewed like what?

Every time he’s paired with Sukuna, he’s almost always turned into a trans man or omega boy (which fine that’s your kink go off) but why is it only ever Megumi and never Sukuna oh it’s cause yall feminize and fetishize Megumi to the extreme.

Whereas when Sukuna is paired with Yuji, Yuji fights back, the relationship dynamics seem more even. Even in the fics where Yuji is a trans man or omega boy, he still has more power and agency, he gets to fight back. Yuji isn’t fetishized the same way cause he’s buff and roguish.

The same shit happens in itafushi fics where Megumi is the bottom, they put so much focus on him being girly and feminine and it reeks of fetishization. Yuji is this buff man with a huge dick and Megumi is so tiny and just takes it like wtf?! (Not taking about PWPs btw)

Just normal fics. He has no agency he’s just this pseudo weak little anime or k drama girl stand in but has Megumi’s name and looks.

The same shit gets applied to Inumaki as well just cause he’s pretty/effeminate (which he’s not he’s just short and skinny?!?)

There’s nothing wrong with liking pretty men or effeminate men but the fetishizing starts to get weird af when you can almost never find a normal story that doesn’t focus on how soft and pretty and tiny he is.

This is a thing across the board in all fandoms. (Draco Malfoy for one but he gets to keep his snark and personality, so does Dean Winchester and Stiles, etc they all get to stay pushy and sarcastic and aggressive despite being feminized in fanfics ) but for some reason Megumi doesn’t and it just gives me the ick. (Lowkey Dick Grayson has the same issue but this ain’t about him)

If you ship sukufushi this ain’t at you persay just the type of fics I’ve come across one to many times.

I guess all I’m saying is if you’re gonna make Megumi a uke at least give him a backbone or something man.

Also just cause a man is pretty and thin doesn’t mean he’s a uke for real. Y’all really ignored Megumi’s dominating ass personality, the way he bosses Yuji around, straight up ain’t afraid to die to fight Sukuna or whoever and twinkified him cause he’s pretty. 🙄

And dadified Yuji the same man who legit has an almost canon praise kink, housewife skills, and does whatever anyone tells him too ok.

[skzoologist]

My mooties

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⤐ @dmnksrt - One of my irl best friends, you guys can thank her for so much, because she is my number 1 fan and keeps cheering me on. Without her, I wouldn't have written this much. She's a victim of accidentally being converted into a kpop fan, purely because I was also dragged into the fandom. Even though she stans another group and man (Suga), we still ramble to each other for hours easily. Once she gathers the courage to post her own fanfics, you can be sure I'll be there to support her immediately. Her brain is wonderful, just like her, I wouldn't hesitate to commit arson for her sake. Her tag is 'my Darling', no, we aren't dating, in case any of Nat's anons come here asking that.

⤐ @nerenbe - Well well well, if it isn't my menace herself. This lil gremlin is the sole reason I am in this fandom altogether, since she just kept singing 'Star lost' while we were in the Christmas market in the year 2023. I guess this is what I get for dragging her into so many animes and manhwas, haha. She isn't really active here, but know that she loves to murder me with pics and memes of my bias and wrecker. Truly, she lives up to her nickname.

⤐ @shetherocket - The last of my irl best friends, the poor one who isn't in the kpop fandom and has no idea wtf I am saying to her, ever. It's really funny actually, as she just nods as I speak, no clue about anything. But she likes Felix! Loves his softness and sunshine self, so I sometimes spam her with him lmao. I am never going to be sorry for that :D

⤐ @thightswideforhanin - First ever person to loudly admit Bae wrecked her, and hard. I always enjoy her reblogs, she was one of the first ever active members of my blog.

⤐ @michelle4eve - A shy follower of mine who gathered enough courage to speak to me, and would you look at that, we speak more regularly now :) She's very sweet, which is why I just call her my Sunshine.

⤐ @jinnie-ret - Jinnie-ret, Jinnie-ret, the person who started it all. She was the first skz writer who noticed me and decided to raid my blog, quite literally. She recommended my work on her blog and I got a big influx of people, making me breach the 100 followers threshold. I still can't believe she'd followed me back, when I've been her silent follower for months by that point. While we don't speak a lot, as she is busy, I know she's very welcoming and kind (also my brit mum, because she decided to adopt me lmao).

⤐ @atinyniki - Niki, my precious little pocket pookie who just loves to pester me and absolutely shower me in love, no matter how hard I keep pushing it away (this is the norm for me and my friends). She's absolutely sweet and so strong, I look up to her in that sense to this very day. We easily start gushing about ATEEZ or my husky puppies for a good while, or even start planning some gut-wrenching fics together xD I am so happy she wrote to me, even if she keeps insisting I am cute, falsely.

⤐ @writingforstraykids - Nat, my talented menace! I love her art, oh my god, I cannot wait for her to draw more, even if that is a year later or more. And her soft thoughts? Hell yes! She's the one who usually gets to see my own random thoughts about the boys (hence our collab), because she's my mootie and they get VIP services :) I am forever afraid she's gonna do what my menace does and send me pics of the boys... I would straight up die on the spot.

⤐ @cheesemonky - Leisel! While we don't talk a lot (timezone differences and my depressed, anxious self), she's cute and so supportive. I just know if we would talk more, our chat would be filled with rambles and thoughts about TXT, haha.

⤐ @yangbbokari - Mumu, the chaos child. We didn't get to know each other well yet, but she loves to say random shit and cause mayham xD Very maknae line coded.

⤐ @lilmisssona - Sona, my sweet sonata, who is so sweet and supportive of me despite barely knowing me, it gives me diabetes. I already love her works, her AUs are very interesting. She also loves my two puppies, and I am only glad to provide her with photos and videos of them.

⤐ @minholing - Jenny, my lil biologist sprout. While she left, I will await her return here. Who knows, maybe by then I'll be able to accept her hugs more easily.

⤐ @kimistorm - We don't really talk, but we occasionally tag each other in some games. Her works are really nice and sweet, I wouldn't be surprised if she is like that too.

⤐ @miuracha - Miu, the legend amongst us. I haven't really gathered the courage to talk to her yet, but I do know she is an absolute sweetheart who only deserves the best. I hope life finally gives her a break, and very soon.

⤐ @silverstarburst - Silver, my star and guardian wolf, thanks to her protective nature over her friends. Our friendship started with her tagging me in a Jisung photoset, completely unprompted. That was a sign, so true that we now regularly talk here or on discord. Bless her and her gif/photo sets.

⤐ @galaxycatdrawz - A very active moot of Nat, someone who gave me even more meme ideas when I started memeing Nat, being the menace he is. Thus, he shall be named my official meme partner. While we don't talk regularly, that doesn't mean he isn't fun to be around.

⤐ @thatonedemigodfromseoul We haven't really talked a lot so far, but that is how it is when you just meet someone.

⤐ @dean-a-mean-tae Ah, yes, sweet Ronnie, who likes to sing my praises, even though I am average at best. No, please, don't look at me like that guys, I'm sorry- We have this mouse and cat game where we compliment the other in an endless cycle. Also let me tell you, when I first saw that they mentioned me, saying how good my silly fics are, I just sat in front of my screen like a confused and emotional dumbass. Definitely will remember that day for a good while, haha. I look forward to getting to know them better, if life allows it.

If I didn't tag you here, that either means I am way too nervous to do so (you're probably a big writer blog), or I just straight up forgot with my smooth, pea-sized brain. Please do reach out to me, I assure you I didn't mean to somehow offend you.

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[saltynsassy31]

Regarding that Silvaze post. I, of course, can't speak for anyone else, but I can say why I personally fell in love with Silvaze. It's strange, I swear this is like the third time now I've written a response like this to someone asking why people ship Silver and Blaze. I don't want to spend too much time on this, I often get carried away with stuff like this. Ultimately, it comes down to three points:

1. Dynamic - Goofy cringefail boyfriend x stern emotionally-reserved kickass girlfriend, is a fun dynamic. Not to mention I'm a sucker for 'guy who worships his partner like a goddess' archetypes. Lots of fluff potential. That's the fun part, then there's always the angst.

2. Backstory - It's like a damn Greek tragedy! Two people who, in a dark future, only had each other, no home, friends, or hope, just each other. They grow so close that one decides to sacrifice herself for the other. History is reset, memories are erased. Blaze is reborn as a royal in a paradise dimension. Silver is left to relive his life in the apocalypse, only this time all alone. Separated by time and space, memories erased, their life together never existed. And yet! They manage to meet again! And through a strange feeling of deja vu they remember one another! Through muscle memory alone they act in sync without the need for words. AHHHH Like come on, that's writing gold! And that brings us to the final point:

3. Potiental - I would go so far as to call Silvaze a crackship or rare pair, because content for them can be a drought sometimes. It really comes in waves, rather than a constant stream. And canon seems to like to keep them apart which I suppose is poetic in a way, or if they do meet the writers don't really seem interested in their relationship. I think you can count on your hand the number of times they've actually had conversations with each other. Which is a shame. But what often makes me daydream about them, what made me fall in love them is the potential! What if they rediscovered the memories of their previous life? Would Silver be consumed by shame of letting Blaze go when she sacrificed herself for him? Would Blaze feel guilty about leaving her friend behind in a nightmare world while she got to live in a paradise with all the riches and luxuries she could ever ask for? What if we explore their early years in the 06timeline, how they met? Would they be overprotective of each other? Would Blaze offer to shelter Silver in her kingdom to make sure he doesn't have to return and live in his devastated future? What if we explored the whole time travel thing, how it works, can Silver do it on his own? How would they aid each other in their quests? Silver protecting the Sol Kingdom, Blaze returning to the future in hopes of fixing it. There's literally so much you can do with them, they're so interesting!

But those are just my thoughts. Hope this isn't too long. Bye.

Oh dude, don't even WORRY about that, I love long posts! Despite taking forever to reply to them XD

These are some pretty interesting points but that second point....WHAT THE HELL!?! FR!?!

Wait oh my god, I think that has been the biggest revelation to me I'm stumped huh????? Oh god i really have to look deeper into them now wtf

And they have lacking content? That's so unfair! Ugh man, now I wanna try to contribute, I really love them and finding out more about them has only solidified that 😭😭

It's like I can never win with my ships here lmao, I thought I'd be safe with sonamy, only for sonamy to have less than a thousand (completed) fanfics on ao3 with sonado at almost 3k 😭😭 (nothing against sonadow btw, just surprised sonamy doesn't have more)

But I'll try my best do do Sonamy and Silvaze right! I don't have the talent of writing to do nothing with it!

Thank you so much for this small, in depth explanation, I'm really shocked about their past part, this is pretty interesting shit lmao

[mswhich]

20 questions for fic writers

Tagged by the marvelous, magical @elder-flower! Exactly the thing I needed to keep procrastinating on my WIP! edited to add I just noticed that Tumblr turned all of the numbers into the number 1. IDK, I'm not gonna fix it, just roll with it.

How many works do you have on AO3?

56.

What's your total AO3 word count?

675,992

What fandoms do you write for?

Lots and lots. Lately, 2001: a Space Odyssey. But also a lot of original works, plus Formula 1 RPF, Harry Potter, Teen Wolf, occasionally some Taskmaster RPF.

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Unforced Error (Harry Potter), 3798 Forged in Flames (Harry Potter), 3722 (my first fanfic!) No Secrets (Teen Wolf), 2738 Bondmate (Original Work), 1326 The Frontier Spirit (Original Work), 1280

Do you respond to comments?

God, I try, but I'm so bad at it. I always feel so awkward about comment replies. I wish I could just click like on them and leave an emoji or something. I do try to get to as many as I can, though.

What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I dunno if you'd call it angst exactly, but I've written a fair amount of noncon where the "bad guys" win. Probably Experiment XB-20, which ends with someone finding out they've been getting repeatedly memory wiped and then nonconned, shortly before getting memory wiped again.

What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I write a lot of happy endings, tbh. Let's just say that the large majority of my fics end reasonably happily for most participants involved. (With a few notable exceptions.)

Do you get hate on fics?

You would think I would. I write a lot of unrepentant noncon, often with underage characters. I write RPF. I write incest. But apart from the occasional "wtf" comment, I've so far managed to avoid attracting significant hate. If I did get a hate comment, I would just delete it. I am too old for drama.

Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Fuck yes. All kinds! I have been writing smut since I first started writing fiction. Stephen King once said, in response to a question about why he wrote horror fiction, that if he and Louis L'Amour both visited a lake, Louis would write about cowboys herding cattle near the lake, whereas King would write about a creepy lake monster; that's just how their brains work. Well, I would write about people having weird, power dynamic-y, kinky sex near the lake. That's how MY brain works.

Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

Not really, but wouldn't rule it out.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I have occasionally had people report to me that my fics were stolen and nameswapped. AO3 has been pretty good about taking them down quickly though.

Have you ever had a fic translated?

Many times, yes. I hope the translations are good! I have no real way of knowing.

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I have not, and have no real plans to do so.

What’s your all time favourite ship?

Ugh, I ship so much. SO MUCH. Honestly, probably Peter Hale/Stiles Stilinski. It just works for me. Age gap, characters who are smart as fuck and morally gray, power dynamics, and werewolf powers. It has everything.

What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I have most of a novel-length fic written in the Harry Potter fandom. It's post-War and Snape comes to stay at Grimmauld Place while they're rebuilding Hogwarts. Ginny Weasley is the only person there at first, and they kind of circle each other warily at first and then come to a cautious detente, which turns into a bit of a friendship. There's something weird going on with the portraits in the house, though, and when Snape notices it, there's an action sequence that ends with him getting them the fuck out of Dodge and going on the run. I actually love this story, it's entirely drafted and 80% written, and I just had to work out a couple plot issues at the end. And then the HP fandom kind of blew up and the creator turned out to be one of the literal worst people in the world, and I just don't know if I can ever bring myself to finish it. We'll see.

What are your writing strengths?

Uh. I....don't know? People seem to like my fics for the most part, but I'm not sure I could nail down exactly why.

What are your writing weaknesses?

I repeat myself too much. I say the same things repeatedly, over and over again, reiterating on a theme. But joking aside, I swear I spend half of my time in editing removing stuff like this.

Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I'm fine with it, if it fits the characters and it works. I prefer it if there are either a lot of English cognates so you can kind of work out what they're saying, or if the author translates it in the author's note.

First fandom you wrote for?

Harry Potter. I found a shitload of Hermione/Snape fic, read as much of it as I could find, and then thought, you know, I think I could do at least as well as some of these? So I tried my hand at it and have never really quit writing fic since.

Favourite fic you’ve written?

I'm saying two. One is Crown of Neon Lights, because I love the characters and story so much. And the other is Bondmate, same reason. But really I love most of my fics. They are like my precious babies and I adore them all. tagging (pls feel free to ignore) @whimsicalmeerkat @jammerific

[a-nice-egg-offering]

Found out one of my best friends wrote Ben 10 smut at some point and it’s just been out there on ao3 this whole time ???? He just became so much cooler. It was so funny we were out with his gf without him and she was like ugh L wrote a fanfic on ao3 and he won’t tell me what it was, then she went outside for a vape and our friend who has known L the longest called him and was like “look. I’m going to need the link to this fanfic” and L was like ffs how do u know about it now, it was Ben 10 and it was smut I’m not finding it for you” and me and the friend that called him just looked at each other and immediately ran outside screaming “IT WAS BEN TEN SMUT” L is a nerd so the fact he had written a fanfic was surprising only bc I don’t know any cis men that read let alone write fanfic but I literally could have had a thousand guesses on what fandom it involved and I would never ever have landed on Ben 10 smut wtf😭 I love him.

[esorxy]

daily updates of thoughts while reading crimson rivers

afterthoughts::

this was so beautifully written and well plotted, it had some of the best scenes and dialogues, and had me swooning, in shock, all of that

(particularly regulus') character development!!! insane!!! this has left me unsatiable, jegulus has me in a chokehold

oh the romance was so sweet, and ever so rewarding after all of the hurt, both jegulus and wolfstar

my only complaint is that its way too long like i lost so much sleep over this, at the end i was so impatient i kept skipping all the side characters povs cos i just wanted to be done with it

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day 1. 10% (games just started)

it took 80k words to get to the start of the games .... what did i get myself into. and i saw tiktoks going like the jegulus WEDDING ?!?!?!?!?! love it when sirius cannot form coherent sentences around remus, but he needs some distraction they literally have the worse luck ever. I'm so glad they dont have horrible communication issues, maybe because theyre all about to die.

oh and if the jegulus parting 'present' wasnt the saddest way to separate especially since they think theyre going to die

aside, i keep comparing sirius to quackity in that hunger games fic and then i remember how much better the dsmp fanfics were especially since i can actually recall the details after like 2 years. back when i thought 100k+ was a long fic oh how naive

so so far, pretty good, im invested in the story enough to not be bored but not THAT invested

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day 2. 31% (games ended, just before interview)

im fuckin invested. why whyyyy so much pain. regulus never fails to be the most hurt in any room aye. and james being touch starved?!? i lived for that shit.

why was it that reading about the games was so thrilling. the life/death oml give my boys a fucking break. they're out now and still no comfort, the only break theyre getting is a break up wtf!!

asides about the games, james was just a dumbass about peter, evan my beloved as always (and glad that the author shares that sentiment), and what the fuck regulus just realising at the end that he had nothing to live for if james died asfhhdsjjfsgjjf

why the fuck was i not satisfied with reading cute one shots or 100k fics,,, the length of this, i don't want to sleep i don't want to eat god help me with this addiction

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day 3. 60% (second games started)

honestly the lack of a mcd tag is the only thing getting me through this. the hope!! i relate to regulus so much on that.

and that's also the only reason im forgiving them for all being fucking IDIOTS and not making the most of their time together. now is the time to profess your love and get your spine realigned my darlings

why is there literally a force field preventing james and regulus from being happy together??? well im not complaining too much because that means that anything they do now is extra special. regulus not being able to resist james??? gahhh im gone.

also them having tea together and actually starting to heal oh theyre so sweet they dont deserve that cruel world.

they literally chose the worst time ever to make up, at least they did at some point, but man they really confessed and got engaged right before... probable death...

oh the amount of pain my poor boys are going through, i wish they can all escape and live in some cozy domestic paradise with everyone they love. but they have to suffer first otherwise the happiness in the end doesn't count for anything.

oh. my. god. CRYING regulus trying to get sirius to kill him and then going soft at the last moment, and i can't believe sirius almost got baited like that and was really about to kill him. but REGULUS, oh my, my sweet gentle boy, he tried so hard, and the aftermath left everyone in fucking pieces.

it is 2.30am, and it takes literally half an hour to make a 2% dent, and i am HOOKED

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day 4. 80% (healing at phoenix)

regulus is on his way to being my favourite and it's entirely cos he's so angsty and unhinged. following through with all of his threats??? fucking hilarious, and his desperate love confessions and having a meltdown every 2 seconds. hes a wreck GET HELP.

sirius, such a literal icon, i strive for his level of don't give a fuck. "what pasta"?!?! my god i love him. hes so gone on remus its sickening. when dumbles asked for his blood, sirius being possessive?!?! if i was remus i would have folded right then and there, literally sold, this man owns him

james high and being obsessed with regulus the angel?!!! im swooning, literal heart attack material. best scene so far.

i love regulus' character development, hes levelled up to be james' first man. goodbye sirius but tbh he has more than enough problems on his own. oh jegulus is so achingly sweet i will not shut up about it. this is the reward after reading through so much couples angst. they love each other so much IM CRYING, the way regulus looked after him after the rescue mission, in all the ways that James didn't after the first games, oh they're finally together and happy, i would die for them.

i am PISSED at how long this fic is. the amount of nothing that I've done these past few days to read this, after this im going to exclusively read one shots for a whole entire week.

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day 5. 100%

sirius dissociating on the roof and remus sitting with him, im sobbing

yeah im deadass sick of the comfort now, theyve had too much that its not special anymore. i just want it to end already.

jegulus finally getting their dream life and dancing by the fireplace,,,, aaaand theyre getting married ahhhhh, my boys,, theyve come so far, i have no words

james holding regulus in bed while they watch the rain to help with his aquaphobia?!!! if thats not the most angsty romantic beautiful scene ever, im in love

why is it so fucking funny that james gets high from getting railed with a dagger to his throat, like legit my man CANNOT even form thoughts anymore hes so far gone 🤐

happily married with 4 kids, its too perfect, domestic, im in shock

aaand guess what im finally finally finished. that took way too long, reading fanfiction should be a full time job.

im never reading anything over 200k in the near future, that was way too much emotional commitment.

[drawnecromancy]

4 and 8 for the video game asks?

4. Top favourite characters from videogames.

Oh, boy ! Let's go with a top 3 ?

Miraak from Skyrim. My beloved. My poor little meow meow. My favorite horrible person. i KNOW he's not super well written i KNOW this DLC is kind of a mess i KNOW he has like ONE MONOLOGUE but I love him. I wrote fanfic about him. He helped me realize I deserved way better than my shitty ex. Comfort character.

Issun from Okami. THE funniest motherfucker. He's so supremely unfunny that he loops back around to being hilarious. I love him. Worst jokes. Okay he is also incredibly annoying in an endearing way, I think ? And he's, uh, a pervert so there's that but he is my little guy who's done nothing wrong ever and who KEEPS getting SWALLOWED BY A WOLF (he is tiny).

Yota from Loop Hero. I'm in love with her. I thought she was a teenage boy for 90% of the game. I can't remember if I learned she was a woman by browsing the wiki or by her dialog making it clear like Right after killing the end boss. She's not the only person whose gender i very much did NOT manage to tell. [hello Hero and Priestess]. I would LIVE for this woman that's how far I'm willing to go.

Honorable mention : Astarion from Baldur's Gate 3. I haven't played enough of the game to DEFINITELY point to him as a favorite yet, but he seems like he was MADE IN A LAB to APPEAL TO ME, SPECIFICALLY. there's a 50% chance he's going to get in the top 3 after i'm done dissecting him.

8. What is the game with the best story you've encountered so far?

OKAMI. OKAMI OKAMI IT'S SUCH A GOOD GAME AND SUCH A WELL CRAFTED STORY AND I LOVE IT SO MUCH AND I SHOULD REPLAY IT I BOUGHT IT ON STEAM SPECIFICALLY TO REPLAY IT (hi you have activated the Okami sleeper agent. I have been in love with this game since I was, like, 14. Except I was the ONLY person who knew wtf this was and my friends got sick of hearing about it real fast.)

I promise it's not just rose-tinted glasses and nostalgia here, it's genuinely well written, when replaying I caught some foreshadowing that I hadn't seen on the first playthrough, even when the characters can get annoying I think they're all SO endearing, there's literally no one I genuinely hate in there. Amaterasu (nicknamed Ama in the french version, I think she's nicknamed Ammy in english ?) HAS personality as a character who 1. is a wolf 2. does not speak 3. is played by you and she's DELIGHTFUL. Doing things mindlessly, straight up swallowing her companion Issu when she's annoyed by his constant talking, bark bark bark (ok no that one's me as a player. but you CAN bark at people for FUN).

Ok I am veering off-course this was about the story but like. The way it unfolds - keep in mind i was pretty young back then - is that I thought, at first, that one of the Big Bosses of the game was like, the end, and was sad that I didn't manage to find every single Celestial Brush technique (...basically spells) - and i was SO happy to realize it meant there was MORE GAME. and More things to explore and do and more story ! The tiny events of the beginning spark a chain that go so far. Please play Okami it's so good. I don't want to spoil it it's SO good. There's character development, secrets, so much cool shit. I love it.

[drowninginships]

okay first off let me start by saying this idea has me acting the fuck up, holy shit

and Baz is like [finger guns] absolutely not. and Simon is like 👁️��👁️ welp i'm in fucking agony. screaming at this fucking pretty girl getting akwardly rejected by this gorgeous book boy, im already obsessed and so Baz comes up to ask if Simon needs help and he says yeah, as usual, and the two of them end up having a bantery convo about the book Simon's looking for bc they've both read it and Baz hated it, but Simon loved it, and it's just very cute and casual, and then Baz is like. so, my shift ends in liiike… four hours. are you doing anything?

BAZ IS SO CUTE IN THIS WTF im obsessed with the idea of baz being happy and comfortable in his sexuality and hitting on guys he likes, it heals my soul

so they go out and have the most fucking insane romcom date ever.

as the gods intended

'cause you gotta remember, Simon only gets one real day with people, so he doesn't do like casual coffee dates or movies or whatever

this is genuinely such a sad and lonely concept, and you've made it sound fun and silly but god there's a deep rooted lonliness there, of fucking course he falls in love with the first person to really see him

Baz is just like all smiles and creased eyes and messy black hair and, breathlessly: "I want to see you again." and Simon's heart drops. because he wants to see Baz again, too, but he can't.

shut up shut uP shUT UP SHUT UP

so he does the only thing he can think of: he stays awake. all fucking night.

very simon snow thinking, this is exactly a solution he would reach

in my notes this is written as "??? smash ???

you haven't mentioned yet what simon looks like for these two dates, and im desperate to know. i wanna know who baz is looking at

either way, Simon passes the fuck out at Baz's place bc he was properly exhausted by that point, and he wakes up to Baz screaming at him bc obvs he looks like a different person now.

god but just IMAGINE THAT MOMENT baz is so justified and simon sounds fucking insane, i love this so much

MC keeps a video diary, logging every day what his face looks like, and in this, Simon does this on his phone and backs them up to his computer every hundred days,

BACK TO THIS BEING INCREDIBLY SAD AND LONELY IM GOING TO CRY

Baz recognises him in some of them

literal hearts in my eyes bro

Baz: "I want you to leave."

understandable and hurtful all the same

Baz just stands there staring at him. and Simon is so uncomfortable, like, he just wants to leave— "Simon?" SORRY, YOU WHAT?

baz has a sixth sense, dude, he can scope out simon in every body, in every lifetime, in every universe and im sobbing

Baz liked Simon a stupid amount considering they'd only gone on two dates, but they were good dates, and Baz doesn't date much, so he's a bit hung up on just how much he liked Simon and the weird way shit ended, so he's basically like. i want to see it again.

baz: i want to see it again simon: wut baz: yknow, for science

he has the lives of a dozen people shoved into a room the size of a shoebox,

SOBBING

this is a fanfic, so they just end up having sex again but it's supposed to be kinda emo and tender and look, it's what my heart wants, ok?

its what they deserve okay, and its fanfic law

Simon: "That I'm still me. Inside, I mean. Like… if you had a book, and every day you gave it a new cover, the story wouldn't change." Baz: "You must get lost on a lot of shelves."

rip my heart out and stomp on it, why don't you?

Baz is just a part of Simon's life the same way Penny is, he knows the truth, and he deals with it. for the first time in Simon's adult life, he gets to really date. he and Baz do a bunch of domestic shit together, for months, and it's so good. all of it is so good, all the time, and they fall so fucked up deep in love with each other.

IM SCREAMING BECAUSE HE'S LESS LONELY NOW, HE HAS SOMEONE ELSE, NOW

Simon will come in and try to act like a stranger, but Baz can Where's Waldo him every time.

baz has an ingrained Simon Detector

he can't ever be the type of boyfriend Baz can bring home to his family. he can't ever be the type of boyfriend Baz gets to have a normal life with. SO SIMON GHOSTS HIM.

prince henry behavior

he's fucking devastated and confused by this and desperately trying to get Simon to respond to him, but he won't.

alex Claremont-diaz behavior

the general idea i wanna go with is that Simon goes to the bookshop Baz works at just for the sake of seeing him, checking up on him, bc he misses him.

becuase for a brief moment in time, Simon wasn't so alone in this world, and now he is again. of course he wanders back to Baz, the only other person who saw him

he fucking clocks Simon after like ten seconds.

simon detector

Baz is like: "You don't get to decide that for me! You're still you, you're still lovely—" "You don't even know what I look like!" "I don't care what you look like, you fucking moron, I care that you're Simon Snow! There's a person inside you that exists every day, even when everything else changes, and he's lovely. I love him.

extremely firstprince behavior

"Like this one, then?" he says. "Loveliest yet." Baz brushes his knuckles over the slope of Simon's shoulder. "Freckles, curls, broad shoulders… Mmm, maybe we should stay in bed today."

baz you're so gay its embarrassing

"Holy shit!" he shouts, and shoves himself up onto his knees. "That's me!" Baz rolls his eyes. "Yes, yes, I told you—" Simon shakes his head furiously. "No, it's. Baz. I'm. Jesus fucking Christ, that's me. Baz, that's me." Baz sits up slowly. "Do you mean—" "Fuck, holy shit!"

im crying again

what if it was only for today. how long will it be until the next time? what if there is no next time, what if, what if—

i can feel his fear

Simon wakes up to Baz's mouth on the back of his neck. "Good morning, Simon Snow."

SCREAMING CRYING PUKING HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME IM DEAD, IM BEDRIDDEN FOR WEEKS DUE TO THIS, I'VE BEEN SLAIN AND I AM NOTHING I AM LYING AT THE FEET OF THIS FIC AND WORSHIPPING IT AS MY GOD

Oh do tell about that snowbaz au of yours 👀

I WOULD FUCKING LOVE TO, thank you so much tumblr user pidgelikethebird (and also my most beloved and loyal companion @drowninginships) for providing me the enrichment i need to survive the winter.

ok gimme a min here to turn my thoughts into comprehensible words. i'm gonna say right now: this post is gonna be a LONG one, but 10 out of 10 scientists agree you should read to the end.

so, if you didn't know, The Beauty Inside is a Korean romcom from 2015, based off an American short film of the same name; the orig short film i linked is an extremely quick watch (only 6 episodes, each one 4-10 minutes long) and i would absolutely recommend it, but the very basics of the premise is that: a man wakes up in his bed on his 18th birthday to find he's in a completely different body than his own, and every day since then, he wakes up as somebody new.

AND OBVS I JUST HAD TO FUCKING SNOWBAZ THAT, which is how my AU, titled In the Many Ways of Loving You, was born:

Simon Snow wakes up every day as somebody new; the only person who knows the truth is Penny, his best friend and roommate, since she's been by his side since it all began ten years ago.

he works on commission as a custom bookbinder—like, he has an Etsy or some shit, i dunno, some kinda online shop where people can commission him in a variety of ways to rebind their favourite books, either by paying extra for Simon to buy the book himself and rebind it from new and send it to them, or sometimes collectors will send their personal copies to him to have him rebind them, and he's very good at it, and N E WAY the point of this is that he has a small bookshop he's been going to regularly for the last eight or so years, because it's close to his and Penny's flat, and where the story begins: Baz is a new employee that just started working there about two weeks ago and Simon has a massive crush on him.

ok, now. day one: when we meet Simon for the first time, he wakes up and he's lovely and blonde and brown-eyed and ok, yeah, i've just made him look like Agatha bc i thought it'd be kinda funny, esp since Agatha's not actually in the fic otherwise.

and Simon has to pick up a copy of some random book from the bookshop today bc someone bought a custom binding of it, so he goes down and, as usual, since it's his job, Baz has to come over to talk to him and is like, "hey, can I help you with anything?" and Simon doesn't need any help bc he's been coming to this shop for years, but every time Baz asks he says yes bc he wants the excuse to talk to him, and on this day Simon is like, wait. i'm so hot rn. so he asks Baz out—

and Baz is like [finger guns] absolutely not.

and Simon is like 👁️👄👁️ welp i'm in fucking agony.

but whatever, fine. a guy like Baz is prolly already in a proper relationship, and it's always a bad idea for Simon to get involved with someone he has to see on the reg. he had to start going to a different coffee shop that's twenty minutes out of his way bc he went out on a great date with one of the baristas at his old spot and then obvs couldn't go out again after just that one time, and it made him super emo, so really, Baz saying no was prolly for the best.

TIMESKIP, it's been a few days and Simon has to go down to the bookshop again. but this time he's a bloke. and so Baz comes up to ask if Simon needs help and he says yeah, as usual, and the two of them end up having a bantery convo about the book Simon's looking for bc they've both read it and Baz hated it, but Simon loved it, and it's just very cute and casual, and then Baz is like. so, my shift ends in liiike... four hours. are you doing anything?

and Simon is like. OH. OH!!!

that whole "it's prolly for the best" thing? yeah, fuck that, that was Simon of the past, he doesn't know what the fuck he's talking about bc cute bookshop guy wants to hang out and so they go out and have the most fucking insane romcom date ever.

'cause you gotta remember, Simon only gets one real day with people, so he doesn't do like casual coffee dates or movies or whatever. they go out and like fucking B&E a museum after hours bc Simon knows someone like the janitor or something (i dunno) leaves one of the back doors unlocked so he can step out for a cig every few hours, so they sneak in and have the time of their life running around looking at art while trying not to get caught, and we're going to use the suspended disbelief bestowed upon us by the power of romcoms to pretend security cameras aren't a thing, and it is BRILLIANT. like, Simon and Baz have so much chemistry, and when the night ends Baz is just like all smiles and creased eyes and messy black hair and, breathlessly: "I want to see you again."

and Simon's heart drops. because he wants to see Baz again, too, but he can't. no matter how much he wants to, he can't. when he wakes up tomorrow he's going to be someone new, so he can't, he can't, he can't, he—

"Yeah," he says. "Tomorrow?"

SIMON NO!!!

"It's a date."

FUCK!!!

ok, so now we have a problem. Simon can't just stand him up, i mean he could but he doesn't want to, and he really does want to see him again, so he does the only thing he can think of: he stays awake. all fucking night.

Baz, the next day: "You look exhausted."

Simon, wired asf on caffeine and trying to be smooth: "Had someone on my mind all night."

and then they go have another wicked date, but i have nothing in my notes about what it is. oh, i have them living in Canada in this fic btw bc as a rule, if a fic doesn't have to be set in England, i move them to Canada for comfort. so i might have them go cliff jumping or something? who knows. we'll go with that for now.

cue the romcom montage.

[mother tongue starts playing SO DON'T SAY YOU LOVE ME FALA AMO, JUST LET YOUR HEART SPEAK UP AND I'LL KNOW]

ok. post-date. Simon is so dumb and infatuated with Baz and does something only a boy who is dumb and infatuated and sleep-deprived would do in his situation, and he goes back to Baz's flat with him to "watch a movie", or in other words: the movie starts and then they prolly have sex, but in my notes this is written as "??? smash ???" so i guess it's kinda up in the air.

either way, Simon passes the fuck out at Baz's place bc he was properly exhausted by that point, and he wakes up to Baz screaming at him bc obvs he looks like a different person now.

Simon, half-asleep: [PANICKED FLAILING] BAZ IT'S ME!!! STOP THROWING THINGS!!! BAZ!!! IT'S ME, IT'S SIMON!!!

and Baz is like: WHAT THE FUCK

and Simon is like: I CAN EXPLAIN

and Baz is like: HOW DID YOU GET IN HERE

and Simon is like: I CAN EXPLAIN!!!

so, here's a detail from the orig film that comes into play here: in the orig movie, the MC keeps a video diary, logging every day what his face looks like, and in this, Simon does this on his phone and backs them up to his computer every hundred days, so he gives Baz his phone and tells him the whole story while Baz scrolls through these short like minute long videos of Simon on various days going, "Hey, this is me today. I have [this and such] thing to do, blah blah blah."

and the thing is, Baz recognises him in some of them. bc Simon is always coming into the bookshop. he stops watching when he gets to the day Simon looked like Agatha, and Simon has been quiet for a while at this point, just letting Baz process.

Baz: "I want you to leave."

Simon takes his phone without a word and goes. Penny picks him up on the corner a block over and drives him back to their flat. she doesn't ask what happened. she already has a pretty good idea.

when Simon's next commission comes in, he thinks about going to another bookshop, he really does. but this one is so convenient, esp since Simon can't drive bc he can't risk getting pulled over carrying a licence that doesn't have his face on it, and he's been going there for eight years and it's not like Baz will recognise him anyway.

so, to the bookshop he goes, but this time when Baz comes up to ask if he needs help, Simon is like, "haha, no that's okay," and goes back to looking for things on his own, and Baz kinda lingers awkwardly for a moment before going on his way, but then when Simon comes up to the till to pay for the book, Baz just stands there staring at him. and Simon is so uncomfortable, like, he just wants to leave—

"Simon?"

SORRY, YOU WHAT?

"What?" Simon gapes at him. "How did— how did you? But I'm—"

"Can we talk?" Baz asks.

"How did you know it was—"

Baz shouts over to the other employee on the floor that he's taking his lunch break, and Simon just slowly follows him out of the shop with the book forgotten, unpaid for, at the check-out.

and here's the deal, Baz liked Simon a stupid amount considering they'd only gone on two dates, but they were good dates, and Baz doesn't date much, so he's a bit hung up on just how much he liked Simon and the weird way shit ended, so he's basically like. i want to see it again. and Simon is like, see what? and Baz is like, you. the... whatever that you do, i want to see you change.

and that's how Simon ends up bringing Baz back to his flat, and btw: Simon has a rule about never bringing people back to his flat bc it's weird as fuck. his room is really tiny, and it's cluttered as fuck in a Howl's bedroom type way. he keeps to the same cheap, casual style for all his clothes, but he needs things in a bunch of sizes. shoes are a nightmare. he has to take care of his hair in a million different fucking ways. so he has the lives of a dozen people shoved into a room the size of a shoebox, and his mattress has no frame. that shit is just on the floor, so it takes up less space. and there's this mirror, a wide full bodied mirror, propped up against the wall facing the bed, so that the first thing Simon can do each day is roll over and look at himself.

Simon and Baz have supper together, they talk, they pretend this isn't weird as fuck and, even though it is weird as fuck, they still have so much chemistry, and this is a fanfic, so they just end up having sex again but it's supposed to be kinda emo and tender and look, it's what my heart wants, ok?

morning comes. Simon wakes to Baz's hands on his face. which is already and improvement compared to last time. Baz is looking at him very seriously, but also very like. softly. he's touching Simon's features, tracing them, and Simon is quiet for a very long time, watching him do this, until he's just like. what are you doing.

Baz: "Getting to know you." A pause. "Why does it happen?"

Simon: "I don't know."

Baz: "Are there other people like you?"

Simon: "I don't know."

Baz, sighing: "Well, what do you know?"

Simon: "That I'm still me. Inside, I mean. Like... if you had a book, and every day you gave it a new cover, the story wouldn't change."

Baz: "You must get lost on a lot of shelves."

Simon: "Yeah."

and from there, Baz is just a part of Simon's life the same way Penny is, he knows the truth, and he deals with it. for the first time in Simon's adult life, he gets to really date. he and Baz do a bunch of domestic shit together, for months, and it's so good. all of it is so good, all the time, and they fall so fucked up deep in love with each other.

(detail from this point that is relevant later: Baz and Simon make a game out of Baz recognising Simon at work on days when he hasn't seen yet what he looks like. Simon will come in and try to act like a stranger, but Baz can Where's Waldo him every time.)

but then Christmas comes. and Baz has to go home to see his family. and i don't have an exact idea of how this convo goes, only that it is not a fight of any kind, like, it is a normal convo about the holidays but Baz apologises to Simon during it for not telling his family about him, he says they'd want Baz to bring Simon home if he did (bc i just don't wanna fuck with homophobia in this so we've shot Malcolm with the ally beam) and he wouldn't know how to explain Simon's whole... thing to them, and Simon kinda realises that like. he can't ever be the type of boyfriend Baz can bring home to his family. he can't ever be the type of boyfriend Baz gets to have a normal life with.

SO SIMON GHOSTS HIM.

like, Baz comes back from his family's place, annoyed that Simon hasn't returned any of his texts or calls, only to find that Simon and Penny have literally fucking moved flats in the two weeks he's been gone. and obvs he's fucking devastated and confused by this and desperately trying to get Simon to respond to him, but he won't.

Simon goes out of his way to find a new bookshop to go to, and that's the end of things for about a week or so, and i haven't actually decided what happens here exactly, but the general idea i wanna go with is that Simon goes to the bookshop Baz works at just for the sake of seeing him, checking up on him, bc he misses him.

but remember that game they played? so yeah, Baz walks up to say his usual like, "hey, can I help you find anything?" but he fucking clocks Simon after like ten seconds.

scene change: they're in Simon's new flat, like maybe Baz demanded that if Simon is going to break up with him he owes it to him to do it goddamn properly, but i dunno. details, details. but they end up getting in a huge fucking fight and Simon reveals the reason he ghosted Baz was bc he realised Baz can't have a real life with him and Baz is like:

"You don't get to decide that for me! You're still you, you're still lovely—"

"You don't even know what I look like!"

"I don't care what you look like, you fucking moron, I care that you're Simon Snow! There's a person inside you that exists every day, even when everything else changes, and he's lovely. I love him. The rest doesn't matter, how can you not see that? Stop telling me I'm not allowed to love you however you are, I'll love you a hundred different ways, Simon. Any size, any shape. I'll love you over, and over, and over. That's a life for me. A real life for me. You!"

and then Simon throws his arms around Baz's neck and hugs him like he needs him to breathe and Baz clings to his shirt and they're both prolly crying all loud and gross, but it's fine. they're gonna be fine.

the next day: Simon wakes up to Baz's mouth on the back of his neck. "Like this one, then?" he says.

"Loveliest yet." Baz brushes his knuckles over the slope of Simon's shoulder. "Freckles, curls, broad shoulders... Mmm, maybe we should stay in bed today."

Simon laughs and rolls over to pin Baz to the mattress, grinning at him. he goes to say something, prolly rib at him the way they do, but as he does he catches his reflection in that mirror he keeps by his bed and he freezes.

"Holy shit!" he shouts, and shoves himself up onto his knees. "That's me!"

Baz rolls his eyes. "Yes, yes, I told you—"

Simon shakes his head furiously. "No, it's. Baz. I'm. Jesus fucking Christ, that's me. Baz, that's me."

Baz sits up slowly. "Do you mean—"

"Fuck, holy shit!" Simon grabs his curls with both hands. he hasn't touched these curls in ten fucking years. he looks older than he remembers himself, which is a given, but it's definitely him. his father's eyes, his mother's chin. the moles on his cheek, above his eyebrow, below his ear.

Simon freaks out in a way that kinda toes the line between being happy and being a breakdown, he throws himself at Baz, and they both fall back onto the bed and Simon is laughing and he's shaking and he doesn't understand, he doesn't get it, but holy fuck, he has his own face, he has his own body, he has his own hands. Baz pushes them apart so he can get a look at him, and Simon is actually kinda self-conscious when he does, which is a new feeling. he never has to feel self-conscious about anything, usually, since he knows every flaw or insecurity isn't really his, and will be gone the next day, but this is just... him.

Baz takes Simon's face in his hands and then, breathlessly, "Hello, Simon Snow."

AND THEN THEY KISS bc what else would they do here.

and uhh, yeah. so. Simon goes out to the kitchen where Penny is making breakfast and she loses her shit when she sees him. big hugs all around. Baz really does take the day off work to spend it with Simon, even though that just means lying around on the sofa watching movies while Simon works on his current rebinding commission. when Penny gets home that evening, they order takeaway and sit around the lounge room playing boardgames together until late, late, late into the night. Penny falls asleep in the armchair, and now it's 3-am.

Simon is tired. he's looking at the clock, sitting with his knees up and his arms around them, with Baz beside him. Baz has his forehead on his shoulder, an arm around his waist. he doesn't want to go to bed, because what if... what if it was only for today. how long will it be until the next time? what if there is no next time, what if, what if—

"We'll still be here," Baz whispers, exhausted. "And you'll still be you. No matter what, Simon."

and so they go to bed.

Simon wakes up to Baz's mouth on the back of his neck.

"Good morning, Simon Snow."

AND YEAH, that is the entire plot of my The Beauty Inside AU.

i told you this was gonna be a long one, but if you've made it all the way to the end of this mess, thank you kindly again for indulging me!

[ratmonky]

Inorganic Human

Word Count: 3.1K

Warnings: noncon, guided & forced masturbation, home invasion, stalking

AO3 Link

Another fic I wrote for my besto frendo @anti-interesting​ who finally watched the show after me talking about it for hours lol

You were tucked under your sheets with your laptop on your bed and catching up with your favorite show when the screen abruptly turned black.

“Ahh,” you groaned audibly, having to move from your cozy position took too much effort and it was way too annoying if you had to be honest.

As you were about to press the power button to see if you had accidentally turned your laptop off like the many other times you had in the past, the screen flashed white before returning to normal.

“Can you hear me?”

You stared blankly at the screen. It wasn’t your show that was playing. It was your classmate from school. Had you opened your social media account by accident?

With a small scoff, you tried clicking away from the video. However, your laptop must have frozen because you couldn’t turn it off no matter what.

“Can you hear me?” he asked again, looking right at you.

Chills went down your spine and you looked around you as if someone else was in the room. The feeling of discomfort was settling in, enough to make you feel self-conscious and pull up the sheets to cover yourself.

It was getting creepy, he was still staring at you.

Reaching your hand forward, you pressed the power button to turn off the laptop and somehow it didn’t turn off.

“(name), I asked if you could hear me.”

Your muscles tensed, you pulled the sheets further up to cover your chest. “Shishigami? Um, i-is this a video call?”

He hummed softly. “I guess so.”

How could it be a call when you had never given him your email or phone number?

It was silent for a moment. You were trying to come up with a polite way to tell him to leave the call since you couldn’t end it yourself but he spoke again.

“You’re coming to school tomorrow, right?”

Dumbfounded, you nodded slowly.

After that, he smiled softly and the screen flickered a couple of times until your show continued playing again.

~~~~

As if last night hadn’t happened, Hiro was on the other side of the classroom talking to his friend, Ando.

He hadn’t even spared you a passing glance the whole day. You started to believe you dreamed of the entire thing.

Yeah, that had to be it.

~~~

At home, you put a tape over your laptop camera in case a glitch like that happened again and turned it on. Letting your show play in the background, you took off your clothes to get in your pajamas.

“Could you please not touch him so casually, you homewreckers?!” The annoying main character was exaggerating his reactions and it made you giggle. While you were taking off your bra, he continued his banter. “Megumi has violin classes with-”

The audio stopped suddenly and you turned around to check if your internet was messing up again but you found yourself looking at Hiro.

You covered your bare chest with a shirt you were just about to put on and gasped sharply. Wait, he couldn’t see you, you had put that tape on your camera and-

“Sorry for the bad timing. I’ll return after you’ve dressed up.”

With that, he was gone. Your show was back on the screen but you were too terrified and confused to be able to laugh at the funny reveal at the end.

You walked up to your laptop with shaking limbs and slammed your laptop closed.

~~~

The next time you opened your laptop was in the morning, you checked from the camera app if you could see anything through the tape but no, it was pitch black.

Then… how?

Were you imagining all of this?

You had to be only tired or maybe the university entrance exams were starting to get to you. The stress could have been causing you to imagine stupid stuff like these. Right?

~~~

“Hey,” you said to get his attention for the third time but he still had his face pressed against his desk.

He wasn’t asleep, you knew that.

“Ando.” You put your hand on his shoulder and he finally lifted his head from the desk to stare at you.

He looked around himself as if to see if you were actually talking to him.

“Could we talk for a second?” you asked, hoping that you could take him somewhere else before Hiro returned to the classroom.

“Um, yeah, sure, why not?” He blushed, looking around the classroom one last time to see if this was a prank before following you out.

You took him up to the roof.

“W-what did you wanna talk about?” Ando nervously asked while rubbing the back of his neck.

Maybe this was a bad idea. You were being accusatory and this guy had nothing to do with any of this. He didn’t need to be caught up in between with whatever was going on.

“Do you know if Shishigami is messing with me?”

“Huh?” He looked confused, he scratched his cheek and gave himself a moment to think. “I… I don’t think so�� Hiro’s not the type to prank others... I mean, what made you think that he was messing with you?”

“It’s just…” It had to be your imagination, if you spoke about this right now Ando would most likely ask his friend about it too. There was no need to make it a bigger deal than it already was. “Nevermind.”

~~~

You didn’t turn on your computer that night and decided to sleep early. You weren’t going to school tomorrow either because you certainly needed to rest and collect your thoughts. Thankfully your family was away on an overnight trip, meaning that nobody could scold you for skipping school.

It was going to be a restful day for you!

However, as soon as you put your head on the pillow, your phone’s screen on the nightstand lit up. Weird, you had your phone on ‘do not disturb’ all the time, it didn’t show any notifications unless you picked it up.

Too tired to check what was up, you turned to the other side to avoid the bright light.

“(name), you never sleep at this hour. Something wrong?”

Your eyes snapped open.

That was Shishigami.

“Pick up the phone.”

You didn’t answer him as your limbs shook uncontrollably in terror. This couldn’t be a nightmare, it felt too real.

“Pick up the phone or I’ll have to come to your house.”

Cold sweat trickled down your back but you still couldn’t move. Your entire body had turned to stone. He didn’t know where you live, right? Even if he did, you weren’t going to open the door.

Wait, wait, wait…

This all was a prank.

The muscles on your limbs eased and your shoulders relaxed. He was pranking you! Haha, yeah this was a prank. But then how was he able to talk to you without you having to answer his call?

“See you,” he sighed and a static sound filled your ears.

You jolted up from your bed to check your phone. The screen was normal. Okay, calm down. This was a prank, he wouldn’t come to your house.

The sound of knocking filled your room. Your shoulders tensed again and you turned your head towards the bedroom door. That… knocking wasn’t coming from your apartment door.

Knock.

Your blood ran cold as you glanced over your shoulder and found yourself staring at a shadow behind the curtains, he was standing on your balcony. He was trying to look inside through the curtains, moving around to find a crack that could help him see who was inside.

H-how did he get there? You lived high up from the ground, there was no way he climbed up there… More importantly, how did he know where you lived?

He couldn’t come in. He can’t come in. The door is locked, he can’t come in.

The door was locked. You knew that yet the fear had settled in. You were being invaded, it already felt like he was inside.

You turned around your heels to face the balcony as you stepped back towards your bedroom door. The balcony door was locked so there was no way he could get in and all you needed to do was stay back-

The balcony door unlocked itself.

Your mouth popped open in shock and you gasped sharply.

Hiro pulled the curtains away as he stepped a foot inside your room. He stared at you with a blank stare, “Ah, so you were awake! Why didn’t you answer your phone?”

You couldn’t move, fear had paralyzed you.

Why are you here?

How did you get inside?

Get out!

Your mouth wouldn’t move either but your teeth still chattered. This didn’t feel like a prank anymore.

“Why don’t you sit down,” he said, turning on the lamp on your nightstand and gesturing towards your bed. His other hand was pointing at you with his forefinger and his thumb was extended out. “Don’t yell, scream or cry. This is a real gun.”

Prank.

It was a prank.

You desperately wanted to believe it.

“Bang!” he yelled, his hand recoiled like a gun. Immediately, you felt a rush of wind right beside your ear and when you looked behind you, there was a hole in your bedroom door.

Did he really do that with his… finger?

You were confused, in disbelief.

“W-what do you w-want?” Your teeth were still chattering, you put your tongue in between them to stop it but the action only resulted in you biting your tongue.

“I just need your help.” He gestured towards your bed once again. “Sit down.”

This time, you forced yourself to move.

As soon as you sat on your bed, Hiro pulled the chair you had beside your desk and placed it in front of you. He gracefully sat down, still pointing his finger gun at you. “I’m not a human anymore.”

You didn’t say anything.

He sighed and a click sound filled your ears.

His head popped open like a flower. All you could see was metal, it was a machine. A robot. This thing wasn’t your classmate. You clapped a hand over your mouth to keep your voice down and finally started to realize the horror of the situation.

The open metal pieces closed up seamlessly to form Hiro’s face once again.

It was silent, you were unsure of how to react or what to say. You weren’t even sure if you were going to live.

“What makes humans human?” Hiro asked, pointing his finger up to your head. He was expecting an answer.

“I don’t know.”

“Feelings of guilt,” he said, his face was inanimate. “Only humans feel remorse and empathy. When you kill something you must feel some sort of guilt. That’s what makes you a human. Most humans cannot take a life without feeling guilty.”

Ah, you started to get the picture.

“Are you going to kill me?” The question you never thought you would ask anyone at any point in your life left your lips and you felt tears streaming down your face.

His lips slowly curled up to a smile. “I already tried killing others, it didn’t work.”

Your chest clenched abruptly at the revelation. “T-then why?”

“There’s one another feeling only humans can feel.” He reached towards your face and wiped your tears, humming softly. “It’s lust. Animals choose partners by instinct, humans choose theirs by attraction.”

“I don’t understand,” you sobbed. “Why me?”

Hiro slowly carded his fingers through your hair, petting you like you were a scared animal he was trying to calm down. “I always thought you were pretty. I used to jerk off to your pictures on your account every day.  I wanna see if I still feel the same way in this body.”

You didn’t get to react to his sickening words as he pressed his forefinger on your breast, still in a finger gun position. He smiled while moving his finger on the supple flesh. He then placed the rest of his fingers on your breast to grope it fully. “I kinda feel it.”

Speechless, you only stared at him as he sat back, prying his hands off of you reluctantly.

“I need you to take off your shirt for me.”

When you didn’t move, he lifted his hand back up, threatening to shoot you.

Grabbing the hem of your shirt with shaking hands, you pulled it over your chest and above your head before putting it on your lap. You clutched on the shirt and stared at your hands. Tears blurred your vision.

“I’m feeling it a little bit right now,” he said, voice filled with faint joy.

A moment passed before he spoke again.

“Take off everything.”

You let out a choked sob and shook your head.

“You don’t need to die, (name). All I’m asking for is your help.” He was looking at you with a sinister expression on his face, his finger pointed right between your brows, it didn’t even waver.

You didn’t want to die. Not yet. Not when you were half-naked like this and in your room.

With a rapid nod, you hooked your thumbs under the waistband of your pajama pants and pulled them down, lifting your hips from the bed to slide the pants down your thighs.

He watched you intently, without blinking once.

“Spread your legs.”

Complying his order, you spread your legs involuntarily. A blush tinted your cheeks from embarrassment.

Hiro hummed in delight, drinking up your naked form.

“Can you put a finger inside?”

You had to remind yourself that you were only doing this because you didn’t want to die.

Hesitantly, you brought your hand up to insert two fingers inside of your pussy. A whimper left your lips when you saw the way he was watching you.

“Move them.”

The shame you felt as you pulled your fingers out to push them back in was indescribable. His eyes were focused on your pussy and your digits.

“It’s happening,” he whispered to himself in disbelief.  “I feel alive.”

Whether it be your crush watching you masturbate so carefully or the unsettling threat of being in the claws of death, your walls were pulsating around your fingers, begging to be filled and stretched. You needed something bigger but you bit your lip, holding back your filthy thoughts before your mind could wander off. Instead, you dipped one more finger inside your cunt to satisfy yourself.

Yet, your eyes were on Hiro as you were fingering yourself.

“I’m still human,” he said, eyes softening in relief. He smiled, the soft expression on his face made your walls clench around your digits. “Thank you, (name).”

Lust filled all of your senses at the way he said it.

The pads of your fingers rubbed on your sensitive spot inside of you as you brought your other hand up too. Using your free hand, you drew tight circles over your sensitive nub.

Hiro put his hand down and leaned forward on the chair to watch you closely.

Your fingers started moving in and out hastily when you realized he was giving you all of his attention. The sloppy sounds of your juices gushing out from your pussy with each thrust of your digits filled your room.

He opened his mouth to say something but he was too hypnotized by the way your hips were moving towards your fingers. You were grinding your pussy against your own fingers like some animal in heat.

Humans could reproduce.

Hiro knew he could never reproduce in this body. Not anymore. Many humans couldn’t reproduce, it didn’t mean he wasn’t any less human. He knew that but he couldn’t stop his hand from reaching to grab your wrist.

He stopped you from moving your fingers any longer, he pulled them out, and before you could whine at the emptiness, he inserted his own digits inside.

“H-Hiro.” Gasping, you looked at him with needy eyes, begging him to move.

Hiro pressed his lips together and scissored his fingers in and out of you experimentally. You moaned, throwing your head back shamelessly. The reaction he got from you was enough to encourage him to add another digit and started to fingerfuck you.

Your hips bucked wildly against his hand, you were already close, and having Hiro’s long fingers inside you was too much. They could reach so much deeper than your own fingers and hit the sweetest spots you could only wish you could with your own digits.

So, this was what made humans human. The attraction and lust towards one another. The feeling of guilt had never sprouted in Hiro, not even once. Not even when he was a child. Perhaps, that was the reason why he felt so much more alive than he ever did in his life.

His mind was going crazy, the consciousness he had was getting fuzzy as he used the entire strength of his arm to fingerfuck you.

Your walls pulsated around his digits, clamping on them and sucking him in deeper.

Oh, so needy.

Hiro leaned further down to close the distance between his face and crotch. Your legs shook in anticipation until he lolled out his tongue to take an inexperienced lick against your cunt.

It made you moan audibly.

Wanting to hear your cute moans again, Hiro continued lapping at your pussy and moving his fingers inside of you. Your juices he managed to slurp were… sweet. He could taste them, unlike any other things he had tried eating and drinking, he could actually taste your nectar. You tasted like candy to him and oh, you had no idea how much he had missed the delicious aroma of candy.

While he was slurping your juices, you were clutching on your bedsheets and your toes were curling in pleasure. You arched your back before placing your hands on his head, fingers carding through his silky hair.

Soon enough you were on the edge, the white pleasure building in your gut was spreading all over your body. Legs shaking violently, you pulled Hiro’s hair and moaned as the euphoria washed over you before your body went completely limp on your bed.

Hiro stood above you as you were trying to catch your breath on the mattress, he marveled at the sight of your afterglow.

He was breathing hard, inhaling as if he actually needed the air to survive. Was this excitement? Satisfaction? Salvation?

He was feeling overwhelmed with feelings of passion. He desperately wanted to see you like that again.

Oh.

That was it.

At that moment, he felt more alive than he ever did before. He knew he was alive.

[ineffably-human]

I've said the broad strokes of this on like four different Discord servers but I don't think I ever actually did a Tumblr post about it so: here are my most idyllic Happily Ever After/endgame dreams for the entire Shadows crew. Some of this is part of a fanfic that will maybe be written but like...idk why it's so much easier for me to just word vomit than to make something into a proper story for this show.

- Guillermo de la Cruz (sometimes known as Guillermo the Relentless, but keeping the slayer name is a power move) is now head of the Staten house, which is a prominent well-regarded presence among the New York vampire scene. He negotiates a peace treaty/hunting territory thing with the vampire slayers of the area that's always like an inch from going up in flames, but he manages to navigate whatever drama is happening and still keep it intact. (Typically in the vampires' favor, there are too many people on the planet okay?, obviously they are doing an environmental service)

- (He insists any familiars are referred to as 'interns' even though he knows literally no one will listen to him, including the familiars, who would rather be called something cool and fantastical. But the .2 seconds any vampire who knows him will hear 'intern!' in their head is .2 seconds longer that they will be thinking about their familiars, which sometimes makes all the difference.

Also he has two of them that work part-time in shifts because wtf humans need sleep and also if they get distracted by a mortal job or school or whatever in their free time then they're not actually committed to the bit and he can suss that out early.)

- Anyway Nandor is his second in command/doting househusband, he has a Fearsome Warlord Reputation that is actually 90% coasting on Guillermo's reputation and this suits him just fine. He throws really kickass parties and experiments with vampire novelty foods, also he owns a horse because let Nandor have a horse you monsters. He helps Guillermo with the slayer treaties sometimes because somehow he got Guillermo's mom to really like him and he likes to impress her.

- Nadja is either on the Supreme Vampiric Council proper or has at least stepped her political game up to the national level, but puts her main seat of operations in Staten Island. She is respected and feared and everyone wonders why she and Guillermo de la Cruz haven't murdered each other in a power struggle yet. (They secretly work very well together but would never admit it, the bickering keeps them at the top of their game.)

- Nadjita the Doll is still around even though Nadja has fulfilled her ambitions, because she's having a good time, and what, are you gonna MAKE her leave? Try it, she'll bite your ankles.

- The Guide is besties with Nandor and Nadja because we don't know much about the Guide (I'm not sure if she even wants to advance at work or likes her position tbh) except that she really needs some friends. She gets the hint with Guillermo eventually and it turns out she just likes to creepy-flirt with familiars, eventually she finds one who's into it and they hook up a lot.

- Laszlo and his son/bestie Colin Robinsworth curate the local Vampiric Council's library and relics archive, where they can hyperfixate on porn and boring trivia to their unbeating hearts' content.

- Sean isn't a familiar exactly because Laszlo would never allow it, but he's picked up some house renovation stuff from his Uncle Fulvio and helps out with odd jobs or any time the mansion needs an extra hand with daytime errands. He's not interested in immortality but thinks helping keep up the secret is pretty cool, like a heist! Charmaine's very happy he has a real job keeping him busy, even if they usually get paid in weird antiques.

- The Baron and the Sire are happily married in their little New Jersey cottage with their pet hellhound, hellhounds live a really really long time because why not. They also adopt Derek as an adult son because I forget who had that idea originally but I like it.

- Jenna turns up at some point and is thriving as a very feared and deadly killer of shitty dudes, including her former online boyfriend because he sounded like a creep. She reconnects with Shanice and they have a vampire/slayer torrid romance that Guillermo and Nadja watch like a soap opera for a while, until they finally get together to everyone's delight.

- After they admitted their feelings, Nandor and Guillermo kept trying to make it out to southern Iran, but there was always some kind of epic drama and/or peril going on that held them up. Finally Nandor said well, it'd be very romantic to share home soil. But really, his soil is from the homeland of a human who lived a very long time ago. Nandor the vampire's home, on the other hand, is a house in Staten Island - and that house will be Guillermo's home soil if Nandor sires him tonight.

So that's what they do.

[chezez]

Reblog from jadeeskara

nikandr-voronin Anonymous asked: That seems like a super long-winded cop out with shaky reasoning and logic considering a recent fanfic in the fandom stated that outright when you've never mentioned it before. Ever. Copycat know-it-all run out of ideas, has he? Also, Gazelleman is from Tanzania, not South Africa. It's literally on the wiki nikandr-voronin answered: 1) Which fanfic? I'm curious who wrote it . . . you are aware I wrote 64 fanfictions, Cristy_Duck wrote 46, and that it’s not unusual for us to leave prompts or gifts for one another, or use the same or similar ideas? In a fandom with only two other active writers, I’d be shocked if we four - at some point - didn’t share ideas with one another at some point 2) My bad on mixing up his country, though, but the rest of my points still stand,  especially as one of the official/de facto languages of Tanzania is also English (I'll correct the original post)

kebbymask Ahhhh that certain kind of terror when the fucking Twat of the fandom follows you straight out of the blue. Like I know you exist. You’re everywhere there’s Kinnikuman.  I didn’t follow you for a reason dude.  It’s called avoiding toxic people. wtf is even going on here? Of course they’re aware you’ve written 64 fanfictions you NEVER stop bragging about it. Like we don’t know you’re the reason all the old fanfic got taken down. Is this how you talk to fellow fans? You think I want to be your friend when you’re throwing your big ole dick around like that. Pass, mate, pass.

jadeeskara So this is all making me really uncomfortable I haven't really been able together piece what's going on because this Nik... person blocked me a few weeks back and I have no idea why? Like he says, we are two of a handful of fanfic writers in the fandom but he has never spoken to me... Idk what I did? Idk I was kinda disappointed because he's always promoting everyone else's Kinnikuman fanfics. I mean if he doesn't like mine, he doesn't, but no idea why he had to block me too. but no I've never shared ideas with this guy. I'm not really sure what you're accusing him of stealing from me, Anon, but no, I haven't shared any ideas with him. I mean, I might have, if he'd asked, but he didn't...

#kinnikuman#kinnikuman nisei#fanfic#off topic

[angelmichelangelo]

i’m about five years too late and nobody asked for this except me and i need to just get this out of my brain because it’s 2am so here’s a list of things i wish happened on glee that didn’t HERE WE GO:

- new directions being actual teenagers. just them hanging out. going to group sleepovers. giant study sessions (because school exists in this universe?) like remember in tpp when they were eating lunch together ? that’s what i wanted MORE of. just them being actual friends. a sleepover episode is all i wanted imagine all the abba songs we could have gained from that episode

- a halloween themed episode. the closest to this that we got was the ‘thriller/heads will roll’ mashup which YES was iconic but im greedy and it’s not enough. my idea for a halloween episode is that the gang gets trapped inside the school after staying behind to idk rehearse? or something? and then things get progressively worse as they start to go a little mad, thinking the school is haunted and they split up into pairs trying to find an escape and they think they’re seeing ghosts/someone lurking around the school and they’re getting real spooked but it turns out it’s just sue fucking with them lmao

- kurt and finn being brothers. THE POTENTIAL WAS THERE and sadly after furt we are left with crumbs. why ?? WHY?? little moments like finn saying that he’s driving back home with kurt or them saying they can’t do something because they have a family thing would have been good enough. more scenes of them hanging out in their home with their parents would have been *chefs kiss* but alas. it never happened because glee writers are bastards

- based off my last point: sam actually living at the hudson-hummel house because he actually did live there? but nothing is ever said like what’s the dynamic there why weren’t kurt and sam and finn close if they all lived together for what? like a year? was sam living in the mf shed? did he ever get close to carole and burt?? where tf did he live when everyone went off to college did he just stay in their house lol who knows not me LMAO

- blaine dealing with his trauma ? mental health was never dealt with very well on this show. emma’s ocd was just ignored after she got married or whatever and blaine mentioned his trauma once and then it was ignored until it was mentioned in passing a few seasons later and even he just brushed it off and it was never brought up again like wtf. i have no idea how they wrote a whole episode about hate crime in bash and they never once thought to have blaine and kurt have a single conversation together, let alone a conversation about how they’d both been victims of a hate crime. AND THE ONLY TIME BLAINE DOES MENTION IT IS IN TESTED WHERE ITS JUST USED AS A REASON FOR THEM TO FIGHT AAAAAAAA no wait im calm it’s okay. i just would have liked to have seen kurt and blaine have an emotional moment together in that episode that didn’t include blaine singing and kurt being knocked tf out. just sayin.

- kurt dealing with HIS trauma !! again, glee gets bad points for talking about mental health and it just is crazy that they had so much potential with kurt, ie: depression, anxiety, ocd (kinda?) his bullying, being literally assaulted (i see u ryan murphy taking that whole plot line so loosely mmhm) and then shoehorning in the fact that he was suicidal AT THE SECOND TO LAST EPISODE when they had a whole episode about suicide and they could have mentioned it at any time but ofc they didn’t because the writers just wanted to shove in as much as they could in the flashback episode AYE AYE AYE the potential!!!! oof.

- literally just more tina. jenna ushkowitz is a fantastic actor/singer/preformer and she was criminally underused. i like the episode props because of two reasons: one. everyone switching characters was amazing. and two. some actual tina scenes. even if she.. technically was rachel but also herself or something? either way. i digress

- this is just in general but MORE ABBA AND ALSO THE CARPENTERS and also some sound of music songs would have worked GREAT but they already had like a million songs and as the show progressed they veered away from old songs and more towards popular songs at the time to help chart numbers blah blah blah whatever it’s cool. but also how did they only do a few abba songs that is criminal

- a more fleshed out ending that wasn’t so rushed. like rachel won a tony and everyone else is just? there? why is sam at mr shue’s house ??? how did artie get up the stairs? did quinn graduate from yale? and where tf was kurt and blaine’s child during ‘i lived’ because burt and carole are vibing in the audience and rachel isn’t pregnant so like? is the baby just?? alone somewhere in the wings?! lmao where are u bby girl!! but once again i know they didn’t have the time to do it so idk it’s fine what they did it just sucks we didn’t get more! but again. fanfic exists so yah im all good

- more of blaine’s mum. or mom, in this case i guess. why cast gina gershon and then give her ONE line like ? ik there was a whole deleted script that explained why she was there but i love that up until that point blaine seemed like he genuinely murdered his parents, lived in their big house all alone and when people got suspicious he just told them that they were “out of town” :) either way pam is great i love her and i wish she had more to do in the one episode she was ever in. not even a moment with blaine?? wasted.

- more of cooper anderson, matt boomer is so fucking funny everytime i think of the emotion tornado i bust a lung laughing like it’s so fucking stupid but oh my good i love it. (and if you haven’t watched the special feature of cooper’s transformers audition tape please please watch it because it’s just so funny.) ik he was just a special guest but i wish they got him back for at least the wedding ep but guess my mans was just busy. boo ;(

- going back a couple of points, i wish they’d done a whole episode like props. every actor here just shines when they’re impersonating each other. finn and puck as kurt and blaine is beautiful and quinn and sugar is incredible. also idk why they refused kevin the right to wear the cheerios skirt; they could have put a little more effort into some characters but that’s glee for ya lmao but yeah. a whole episode like that would have been so much fun

- they should have let chris colfer write more episodes. purely for the fact that he wrote with his own bare hands the whole scene where lea michelle’s character gets dragged down a road by dogs. this guy. it’s a shame he only got to write one since he actually did a really good job! i would have loved to have seen what other episode ideas he had :)

- glee in the summer! obviously it only was centred around the school year but after season 3 who honestly gave a shit about the glee club and mckinley lmao i wanna see them in SHORT SHORTS and POOL PARTIES but nope we just got september - june so like rip all my hopes and dreams

- WHAT HAPPENED TO DALTON? bitch just burst into flames ?? and for WHAT?? oh yeah plot convenience smh this is so sad i wish they’d either written something better than “we need the warblers to team up with new directions so uhhh the school burnt down” like. it’s a private school. if the school is gone and they’re just staying at mckinley what are the parents paying for? they’re just cool with sending their kids off to public school now? every adult in this universe has been murdered by these kids, haven’t they? they’re just doing whatever they want jfc

- a wedding was a good episode. ish. and yknow, huge kudos to them because gay marriage wasn’t legal in the us at the time so im less harsh on the fact that they definitely threw up the rainbow flags and made it less about the characters getting married and more so “we have gay characters and look they’re getting married what a concept” but i do wish we could have gotten some more married!klaine since they don’t really have much to do after this understandably but a little moment alone together after the wedding would have been nice :) IT WOULD HAVE BEEN NICE IM TELLING YOU

- get rid of the hummelberry friendship and send mercedes to new york instead. i have nothing else to add to this other than the fact that i mourn the fact that kurt and mercedes went from bffs to just. school mates. this is tragic this is traaaaagic !! and all for more of the rachel berry show smh

- every day i wonder what was going through carmen tibideaux mind when she watched the kurt hummel preform not the boy next door and was like :) and then watched rachel berry have a breakdown on stage and then proceeded to give rachel the spot at nyada and kurt gets payed literal dust. and THEN she had the nerve to tell him it was because his performance had no heart. AND HOW DID ADAM GET IN THIS BABY GOT BACK MOTHERFUCKER?! nyada is a circus school oh my god !!!!! kurt deserved better im telling yall he deserved so much better

there’s so much more i could rant about but im going insane im so tired and i need psychological help after watching glee so im gonna leave it here and say peace out homies it’s been fun but i need to sleep so bad

[docholligay]

LIVESTREAM WINNERS AND TOP POINT COMMENTS

THose of you who read the schedule already know this but the winners are:

HOLLIGAY INVOKES THE SPIRIT OF CLOSET GHOST 

and

WE COOK FOR DINNER IN THE APOCALYPSE

Please join me for both! It’ should be a terrifying, thrilling time. 

AND NOW, THOSE OF YOU WHO MADE ME FEEL THE WARMEST. Thank you to all who answered--I know this was super self indulgent and it means a lot to me that you took the time. So, literally 12 out of the 13 of you got at least one point (One person did not give any details, or even a quote) MAZEL. 

Point allocations are below!!

One point winners: 

4(?)ish years ago, you sent Jet a series of letters/cards/funeral lilies, from different Sailor Moon characters. The lilies were for Mako. One card was from Michiru, after Haruka's death. I have never been able to find them again, but I just loved the care you put into them--how they were all written specifically from the character, the fact that you even put tear stains and perfume on the cards. It was just so creative and touching, and it felt like the characters were real for an instant, mourning and living and giving you a peek at their lives. --- @kumeko (That was A Little Letter, and Mako’s was actually a separate thing for the same contest!) 

   “Before you get yourselves killed I want to go on record as saying this is the stupidest thing you’ve ever done.” Rei stood with her hands on her hips at the front of the garage- from that short story about Mina and Haruka strapping an engine to a shopping cart. You can really feel how rei must feel, the resigned exasperation mixed with genuine, but hidden, concern for Mina and haruka’s safety. I think i have said the exactsame thing before people i know do stupid shit. --- BeefSalad33  (oh ma, an oldie but, I think, a goodie) 

OH MAN. I am always thinking nonstop about that piece where Minako confronts Seiya about bullying Haruka, specifically for the line where Mina spits out "you think she'll love you for this?" and UGH that LINE. it HAUNTS me, I want to BITE DOWN ON IT AND NEVER LET GO, I WANT TO PUT IT EVERYWHERE EVER BECAUSE IT HURTS SO GOOD, AND I DON'T EVEN CARE ABOUT SEIYA. --- @wouldntyoulichentoknow (I’m so glad that I’ve managed to make both you and jetty grit your teeth and care about Seiya at some point ahahah) 

"*But flowers grow from death and decay, don’t they? That has always been true, you know that, Mako. You are a rose of perfect beauty, grown in the rich fertilizer of your loss.*

She threw the stress ball across the room, knocking over the cup on the sink, spilling the ice down the drain."

The contrast between reminding herself of how life works, and then still being bitter about it, and knowing what she is and being frustrated about it. It's a lot, when sorting out various issues- i have trauma, and that makes me better at empathizing with people, i'm adaptable long-term, and that means i can put up with some bullshit, that kind of thing, but that doesn't mean those are wholly good things. It's nice to see it put into words, and so plainly, and with such a strong reaction of it.

Roses can still grow wild, as pretentious as that sounds with how your passage resonates to me, but it's still nice to feel that. ---- @katrani (I’m so glad it resonates with you! I liked that line a lot! ) 

2 point answers:

Christmas Carol, Stave 1 - “You are a terrible person,” she jutted out her chin, feigning strength. “Fareeha deserved much better than you. But,” she took a deep breath. “I still hope she forgives you, someday. Someday, I hope you will deserve it.” It feels like cheating to use the most recent thing you’ve written, but nonetheless this section conveys so much about your take on Mercy, so quickly. She may be an idealist, the peacekeeper and builder, and she may want Pharah to have a relationship with her mother that’s not this disaster, but that doesn’t stop her from acknowledging that Ana’s been the primary factor in making it what it is and telling Ana that directly. I love how you write Mercy (and Tracer for that matter) as very warm characters who try to see the best in their situations but won’t gloss over the fact that sometimes, someone does have to be shot in the fucking face. “Good” doesn’t mean “hopelessly naive”, even with a pacifist, and I appreciate that you have characters who show that. 

Bonus, and a fringe case as technically part of the Fushigi Yuigi hateblog: “She was still trying to get home, had been unable to get Tamahome to let her poison him, and then Nakago had hugged her into his chest until she had been forced to flatten him with a punch to the nads. She was tired, she was hungry, and she was trying to have a moonlight bath to consider her options and wash the stink of a man off of her.

And then, Tamahome, again.” - Haruka-gets-dumped-into-Fushigi-Yuugi-as-Yui was a delight that entire episode, but this post was one of the best. Is it really just narrativizing your frustrations with the many, many writing choices that were made here? Absolutely. But it’s a fun little bit of comedic pacing here, especially with the utter exhaustion of Haruka that this bullshit isn’t over yet. (“Fuck my life” to the moon wondering if Usagi could help and regretting how hard it would be to drown herself are close runners-up on that front.) --- Regalli 

(Mercy is, in many ways, my attempt to write someone who is MOSTLY a pacifist that I can respect. It’s not easy for me! I often find pacifism to be cowardice, because so often in life the people I know who are pacifists are, well, not the folks in the street. So i thought, could you write someone who is very hesitant to kill, who believes that even Doomfist, even Reaper, even whoever, deserve care if they are hurt, who believes that a sword will not leave her hand free to uplift the fallen, and make her brave? And make her strong? And so was born, Mercy, who proved that, yeah that person, at least in my mind, can exist.) 

I think one of my favorite passages from your writing is from "The Rest is Commentary". Particularly the part that starts with "I am a doer. " That entire paragraph is wonderfully written, with mix of beautifully descriptive language to describe *why* you don't trust words. It's slightly paradoxical, but it also fits with the rest of the essay (?) so well. And even beyond that,  I love reading when you write about your faith. You are deeply devout woman, and a personal aspiration to me. When you write about your faith, it reminds me that there is work that needs to be done to live it, and not easy work either. But it is very much worth every bead of sweat, and every drop of blood. --- @shavedjudomonkey 

(Thank you so much! I love that people have connected so much with my Jewish writing) 

3 point answers: 

From Requiem for the Great Consummation, I adore the word play with "compose." Ie, in the line, "Michiru folded her hands in her lap and composed herself." Why? I'm a musician. So, Michiru, with her music, holds a special place in my heart. (Why Ami gets the music attacks is beyond me. WTF?)  I don't think the writers ever really understood what it takes to be a musician, and while fanfic writers often include Michiru's music, I've never really seen it done well. (I'm sure it has been. I just haven't seen it.) Music is all about structure. It has to feel free and soaring, but it can only be that because of the intense amounts of tension and structure underneath. A kite without a string plummets. When I reach for high, soaring notes, that's when I have to be most conscious of having a solid base. Making music Is constant tension. So, often when I see writers portray musicians, it's all "she never felt so free and untethered as when she sang/played the,violin/piano/whatever." And I think, "wow, really? She must have been Crap." So, back to compose/compose. This wordplay shows that tension. The "I have rehearsed this 5,000 times and am still working so hard I'm sweating standing still in this freezing auditorium so that it can look and sound completely free and easy." This is Michiru's entire life. She is composing herself. She is outlining complex rhythms and tensions and resolutions that even though you hear when the piece is played, you don't fully take in or understand, and all you consciously comprehend is 'wow, pretty.' Because that's how music works. Organs have keys that can't be heard by the human ear, and composers include them in their pieces. Why? We can't hear them! But we feel them. If you look at the score for an orchestral piece, it contains So. Many. Notes. So much going on. But when you listen, all you hear is that melodic theme. But if you take out anything underneath, things change and cam fall apart. Michiru lives her life like that. She creates herself, composes herself, and it looks elegant and free and easy, but it is so so very tightly controlled and rehearsed, and that particular wordplay showed off that side of Michiru's music, which is one I don't get to see explored much. --- @incorrecttact 

(Thank you so much for this!! I am NOT a musician, but so much of Michiru and music speaks to me, the structure of it, the discipline, the way it allows you to express yourself while hiding behind something else. And yes! I think of that double meaning so much!)

I want you to know... that this was very, very difficult. I made a notepad and collected shit I'd pulled out from your work where I could find comments where I did such, and then I AGONIZED. Here is where I landed but know it's so close with other things god. 

"Winston worked in earnest at his inventions, and Emily went back to teaching, and the two of them began to cook for each other again. Family dinners once a week resumed, grew with some of the new recruits that were being folded into their family. Pharah and Mercy’s daughter took them to the zoo, the park, out into the world. Dva had continued the game they had all been playing before Tracer died, their party picking up after the terrible and well-done loss of their beloved rogue. ***Life did not return, but it grew forward. It bloomed again.***" — A Clock's Fading Chime

I ended up choosing this one because I hate it a little when I read it. Not because it's not good but because it's SO PAINFUL. I love so much about the way you talk about love, and I think grief is all a part of that. We grieve because we loved. The idea of the grief period, especially for those in a close circle of a lost person, being like the cycle of the seasons where a flower may die but life blossoms in the soil it left behind is so evocative and perfect and everything leading up to that last line is the soil for which that line got to bloom. The slow, simple way life returns to them, that they adjust to the heavy rock in their pack (A piece of yours I revisited for this and a metaphor I will always carry with me) and start growing stronger together. And that they find it WITH EACH OTHER too just god, it kills me. But would I rather wish it wasn't necessary? YUP. FOR SURE. It hurts to think about someone who plays Lena's role dying in our own lives and trying to mend the rift between those left behind. But it brings all those possibilities and who may have gone already before to mind because it feels so grounded in the reality of what these experiences are like and shit it's just a great sampling of everything I love about your work. Beautiful prose, saying so much with so little, grounded in stuff that feels read, and ending on a banger, transfixing line. ---- @thoughtfulfangirling 

(Thank you so much! I LOVED that whole series of fics around that, as it is in the way that I often like to toy with the nature of grief, and the way that we go on. Things aren’t ever the same, but we go on. And I’m so glad you gt into it too! It’s very self-indulgent for me, basically everything with OW, so I love when other poepl like it) 

4 point answers: 

Given that I am not Jewish, I hope this isn't overstepping my bounds, but your passover Seder speech really spoke to me this year. Specifically the bits about the relationship between cowardice and metaphorical bondage: 

"This is a celebration of our freedom from bondage, but it is a also a reminder, a call that we must ensure we do not, in cowardice, return ourselves to bondage. "

Without explaining too much, and risking the kind of parasocial oversharing that you lamented the other day in a post, this particular push and pull has been at the forefront of my mind this year. The intense gravity that the familiar, the easy, the safe, can have, versus the genuine terror of pressing out into the unknown in search of something better.

Trying to change, and to do better, and to press on, is fucking terrifying, and hard. But, that is not an excuse. And I appreciated the reminder.   --- @blastoise-m 

(Not overstepping at all! I am so glad that it speaks to you, I really, really love this kind of writing, and I really should get back to doing more of my Jewish writing. My rabbi is leaving, because we apparently don’t have the money to have a rabbi! And he’s readying people to be lay leaders, and called on me to be someone who could give Divrei Torah (sort of like our sermons) because of my tendency to do stuff like this, and it’s very scary! But really exciting as that’s the kind of stuff that had me interested in being a rabbi, is picking this stuff apart and applying it to our own lives HI YOU ASKED FOR NONE OF THIS SORRY) 

"There are no beautiful deaths in this world, and am sorry that you must know it. Rei never was allowed to say goodbye. I watched Haruka grow weaker and more ill every single day. We each have been jealous of the other, at turns, but I tell you this truth now: Our lives mean much more than our deaths. You and Seiya had a wonderful love story, and you raised a wonderful daughter, and unfortunately it is very often difficult to finish a story in a satisfying sort of way. It is not the end of your story, simply of hers. For you, it is a new chapter"

I think this is still one of my top 5 fav fics that you've ever written. I still think of it randomly once in a while. It's such a small moment but it sold me Usagi and Seiya in a way never would have expected. It's such a moment of growth for both Usagi and Muchiru. A small moment of connection for two people who are so different.

This is wrapped up in the entire MaS series, which I could never separate from this work let alone this quote. The entire series is a series about love and all its many permutations. About finding meaning in a world when you think your meaning has been taken away. About carrying on when you think there's no reason to do so. And I think this quote really encapsulates all of that. 

This story, this entire series, is one the favorite things I've ever read and I'm so glad that you decided to share it. --- @madegeeky

(I truly and in all ways love how much you love this fic, it cheers em and makes me so happy every time I am reminded of it. And thank you for loving that line! I FEEL that line. It’s been true for every death that has come to me, so I love when it has meaning for others. ) 

The 5 point answer:

"God separated the sky and the sea, and that’s true, but there will always be the horizon where they blend."

I'm not much of a quote person. I'll often remember the feeling or the takeaway but rarely the words themselves. This, though, has stuck with me.

There is so much in this world, and so many people, who see everything as absolutes. Black and white. Good or bad. Right or wrong. And as I've grown and changed, that has come to bother me more and more.

This quote is such an elegant and accessible way to express how that oh-so-common point of view is a fallacy. And really it's just a lovely line that invokes both lovely imagery and feeling. ---- @seolh

I FORGOT I WROTE THIS, and like the completely arrogant piece of shit I am, when I read it was I was like, “Oh fuck, that’s a solid line.” And yes I am with you on getting older and relizing that the horizon line can be so fuzzy out there, sometimes, and this quote WEIRDLY came back to me when I needed it, a lot, and so thank you! 

[filthyjanuary]

For the ask game: RK1K

I WROTE A WHOLE THING HERE AND THEN TUMBLR ATE IT THE FIRST VERSION WAS MORE POETIC FML SORRY THIS TOOK A BIT

001 | send me a ship and I will tell you:

when I started shipping it if I did: i think 1-2 months ago? not long after i got into dbh tbh. i was immediately drawn to their hunter/hunted to allies dynamic and THE INHERENT EROTICISM OF TRYING TO KILL EACH OTHER.

What makes me happy about them: i think there’s just SO much potential like they are literally red string of fate tied to each other, their destined to kill each other but they unshackle themselves from that and choose their own futures. they’re the only RK models in existence!!!! they understand each other in a way no one else can. if they don’t trust and believe in each other it literally ends in their deaths, the deaths of their people, the destruction of everything but if they do take that leap of faith they free each other, their people, they save the world. they just compliment each other so well like they’re so similar and yet entirely different, and like i am ALWAYS thinking about the look on connor’s face when he hears markus speak for the first time in stratford tower... the look on his face!! the way markus can convince connor to deviant with a few short sentences... even tho connor has actively been fighting that all game. THERE’S JUST SO MUCH POTENTIAL THERE. IT’S SO INTERESTING. also they are both so pretty <3

What makes me sad about them: uh well a) any scenario where they do not choose to believe in each other and thus uh kill each other!! like it’s compelling and hurts in a juicy angst way but it IS sad wtf. also like just the incredible work they’d need to do post-canon to even be in a place where either of them would feel comfortable in a relationship. i also think there’s a lot of sadness potential in having to unpack connor deviating, being taken back over, and then fighting free and both he and markus having to reckon with that and if connor can be trusted in his own body :( SAD

things done in fanfic that annoys me: i feel like fic connor is often written incredibly ooc? like he becomes this like shell of the compelling and nuanced character that he is. like he just becomes either this like fragile, helpless thing that needs markus to save him all the time or just acts like??? idk just so ooc. what i love about markus and connor is that they’re both layered in the sense that they both have softer, domestic sides to them but they’re absolute stone cold badasses when they need to me. turning them one dimensional turns me off. 

things I look for in fanfic: nuanced characterization. not villainizing north. NOT ERASING JOSH. i’m still too early in my dbh fandom experience to chase after AUs yet, so i mostly read canon stuff that explores markus and connor realizing they have feelings for each other and what that means. how do you even unpack then when having feelings is like a newly unlocked experience for you? meanwhile this is all happening on a backdrop of the android revolution, and the political minefield that is advocating for legislation that gives them rights. i’ve always been a big lover of plot and character exploration supporting each other, so i enjoy fics the most when the actual plot has meat to it too. canon compliant/post-canon is the best. also am a big fan of outsider pov fics or fics where their relationship goes public and they gotta deal with that on top of all the political stuff.

Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other: literally markus is incredibly shippable. i think the actual game could’ve handled him and north way better but in fanon people can make them so compelling! and i think both markus/josh on a pacifist backdrop and markus/north on a violent backdrop are rife with possibilities. i haven’t really explored simon/markus tbh and i don’t particularly feel compelled to YET but i do see the potentials in that i think they are very similar in a lot of ways: weighing multiple options, seeing both sides, but markus is more active and simon is more passive and i think that makes for interesting character exploration. tbhhhhhh i really struggle to see connor with anyone but markus, but i think connor/north could have a lot of potential in the sense that they are SO similar, but i also think after all the violence in connor’s life, connor/josh has the potential to be very sweet and heartwarming also.

My happily ever after for them: slowly coming to terms with what their feelings are, revealing them to each other, and taking a relationship slowwwww because they have a lot going on. leading the androids to freedom n equality and finally being able to just live in peace without being worried about another fight. supporting each other in figuring out after all this, what do they want out of life? and knowing they’re going to figure it out together. they get cats. 

who is the big spoon/little spoon: i don’t think they stick to strict designations like this. i bet they switch tbh depending on who needs to be held most that day, you know? connor has a lot of mental shit to work thru, markus is bearing an incredibly stressful responsibility on their shoulders. i think they both like being both the big n little spoon sometimes. [ariana grande voice] it’s equality.

what is their favorite non-sexual activity: i am a BIG SUCKER for markus teaching connor really mundane life things the way carl taught him so like playing piano or painting for fun and not off programming scripts, markus teaching connor to cook, really just spending quality time you know?

send me characters/ships

[insupportofhatedanimecharacters]

Lanling is a good boy and person overall.

Because I cannot tolerate Lanling slander anymore. I might as well make another defense later but this is a mini defense. Who would hate this sweetheart?

First of all, I’m downright disappointed that LB3 was a mistake and that they treated his character like shit. He isn’t the only one. Liangyu, Yu, Xiang Yu, and literally everyone else is treated like shit.

I really don’t like how they treated my boy. Or anyone else who isn’t QSH for that matter.

But I really hate when people say he (Lanling) is outright evil or a complete asshole with no redeeming qualities yet will praise worse villains. He’s really not a bad guy. He’s just a man who wants his master to be happy. But deep inside, he doesn’t hate us.

The reason being is the fact that when Goredolf and everyone else in Chaldea was imprisoned, is the fact that he showed sympathy for both his master and for us. Yet people slander him like crazy. Especially on Reddit. For instance:

“I know I'll end up getting downvoted to hell for this but, of the 3 crypter servants shown so far Lanling in my opinion has been the worst and most boring one.

LB1 you've got Anastasia who had an interesting character she showed her cold noble side yet when alone with Kadoc she would sometimes show a sassy side or a sweet caring side. then you also look at her abilities she had style, she had ice magic and a badass snow beast guardian spirit (Viy).

LB2 you've got "Sigurd" who was a badass dragon slayer knight who hunted us down like the Terminator and was constantly kicking the crap out of us and nearly killed us a few times. then plot twist you find out it wasn't actually Sigurd in control but, a giant god of fire and destruction and the actual Sigurd was still  a badass Dragon slayer knight but, was also a friendly gentleman who alongside his wife helped us fight the evil god.

LB3 you've got Prince Lanling who for the most part was a pretty boy, yes man the entire LB who harassed us a lot but, really wasn't all that intimidating and constantly had to retreat and run with his tail between his legs. hell even his death sucked, he ended up dying being a glorified juice box with a pretty face for the angsty vampire with a fetish for the cyborg centaur wannabee dark souls boss.” (ironically, this post got really upvoted for the slander)

Anastasia (don’t get me wrong, I love her but this is the truth) outright hates us and wants us dead. She blames us for the death of her family. The entire human race. She is also responsible for killing and destroying Chaldea. Nonetheless, she and Kadoc have a good relationship and they get along like siblings.

Sigurd wasn’t written by Urobutcher so he got a good chance of helping us. Surtr, on the other hand hates us and treats his own master like trash. As for his master Ophelia, she doesn’t hate Mash so she has redeeming qualities.

Lanling is just a victim of his own story. Considering how Urobutcher treated Diarmuid, he has everything against pretty boy twinks. As for Lanling, sure, he harassed us and why did he do so? He was following orders. He isn’t the man to go against orders unless told to do so. The reason he wasn’t so intimidating is because unlike the previous crypters’ servants (for the record, Sigurd doesn’t count because Ophelia’s true servant was Surtr and the type moon wiki says that he’s only Ritsuka’s servant), he doesn’t outright hate us or want to kill us. The scene where he attempts to assassinate us but can’t bring himself to do so is proof of that and like I said before, he isn’t the man who wants us dead or locked in a cell with Tamamo Vitch. The reason he fought us anyway is because he’s a man who follows orders (and because that fox is a total bitch who annoys him too.)

The main problem is the fact that despite his somewhat good relationship with Hinako, she isn’t a good master and her team comps are terrible. Lanling with Guda isn’t weak at all, he is actually pretty badass and good at supporting us.

The reason his death sucked was because he was thrown out, nobody in the story cared about him, and he was basically treated as a punching bag turned into a plot device. Lostbelt 3 is terrible in my opinion because of how mistreated he was as a character. Not just him, but Liangyu was also shit on hard. If it ever gets an anime, it should have a writer who is good to all the characters overall other than QSH. QSH, while I do like them, they are the biggest creator’s pet in this lostbelt and thanks to them, no one else really got to shine except for a select few.

Honestly, I hate LB3 so much that I wanna make a fix it fanfic. One where Lanling isn’t treated like shit, one where Liangyu is conflicted with fighting alongside the emperor, and QSH is a male with his original design and never redeems himself because of how cruel he is. Yet so many people on Reddit are against this idea because LB3 is “good” to them. WTF? You do realize there are people who were disappointed with the ending for GOT for said reasons but when the story is by Urobutcher, it’s fine?!?!?!?!

Haven’t you forgotten Aldnoah Zero exists? That anime was a trash heap because all the characters who were supposed to die didn’t and were just there. No one really had any character development except a few characters. And it was written by the same writer.

Yet Urobutcher is a god when writing LB3 somehow.

I get QSH as a character, I really do. But I really liked Lanling (and everyone else but Tamamo Vitch) a lot more. The reason being is the fact that he’s got insecurities about his appearance, is shy and introverted, is most likely a crybaby, and suffers from back pain. He also loves horses the way I love other animals and not just horses for me. He is also not too bad with children (at least how I see it). Sure, he may not be the grand saber Muramasa but he was an important character to the story in my heart. Honestly, I hope he redeems himself in the story later on, considering how many characters did redeem themselves in the story.

I’ll definitely defend him for some of the newer reasons later.

[captain-aralias]

META ASKS!!! 1, 7, & 17. Also hoping you’re having a lovely weekend 💖

<3 <3 <3 thank you!! i would be delighted to answer these asks. my weekend is... ok. i’ve enjoyed the asks part, otherwise... i tried to make some space on my bookshelves to get more stuff off the floor. that part wasn’t so good. (was this an ask? i’ve answered it anyway. i’m in the zone) (hope yours is going well.)

1. Tell us about your current project(s)  – what’s it about, how’s progress, what do you love most about it?

i think the real you, not the interviewer, knows the answer to this 😂 but i’ll tell you anyway. for posterity. 

i have two carry on exchange things. so both are secret.

one of them i’ve mapped out in my head enough that i think i can start writing it. i should have started today, but i didn’t want to because my brain needed some distance from writing.  it’s about [REDACTED]. 😂 what i like about it so far is nothing because i haven’t written it, but i think the prompter gave me a cool thing to write about that i’m excited to ... have written. i think it will be good. 

the other one, i have no idea what i’ll write and so need to get this first thing done. 

the OTHER thing i’m writing is for you 🥰 but it’s not a secret. it has no title yet, but it’s about baz joining the coven where simon works about 10 years after they last saw each other at watford (because they didn’t get together). i really wanted to write a ‘getting together later in life’ fic because i love them, and i wanted to write it for you because i know you do too and you wrote two really recently. (my other favs from this genre are Recapture the Magic by rainbowbaz and newkid on the block Could It Be Magic? by @arca9 )

what i like about mine .... is that it’s a chance to write both of them as more-assured and confident versions of themselves, and to write something a bit more like what i wrote for blake’s 7 and doctor who (and ‘keep calm’) where to be worthy of simon’s love baz has to actually do some good stuff - acts of service, gotta love them. plus, they’re awkward colleagues and go to the pub, and simon gradually realises he likes him. which i like!!

i dont like that i have literally written about 400 words of it. it’s a long way from being done.

7. What do you think are the characteristics of your personal writing style? Would others agree?

just answered this one (possibly rather boringly) here. 

17. Do you think readers perceive your work - or you - differently to you? What do you think would surprise your readers about your writing or your motivations?

this is a hard one to answer. i know that you once told me you thought i was tall 😂

er.... i mean, the answer is almost certainly yes. i perceive my work in a certain way because i wrote it, and i read it and think ‘WTF was i thinking with this paragraphing?? why is everything on a different line??’ and probably no one else cares. 

i think it’s possible that ‘carry on’ fandom thinks i’m kinkier than i really am - in fact, i’ve just been in fandoms for a decade, so i’ve become much more comfortable with writing smut.

occasionally i say that i dont want to become a professional writer, and that surprises people because often fandom people do! i think i’d really like to be a writer, to be fair - i’d like to be known for writing and to have written characters people love, but i can’t invent my own worlds or characters and that’s not what i enjoy doing. plus, i find it really hard to write on command, and the idea of having to be creative to earn money is genuinely terrifying. 

i feel like i’ve said a lot of the other things about my motivations before - like a lot of what i write is driven by my relationship with my partner, who i recently banned from reading my fic because i know she hates the canon and that really upsets me because i write fanfic a) because i love the canon but also b) that is about as bound up in the canon as possible. if you don’t know the canon, i’m not sure what you’re getting out of it. you’re not getting the jokes, and you dont know whether this is good characterisation, or why it was clever to bring X in - or that i didn’t invent Y, it’s from the canon. 

but then i also felt bad about banning her because so much of it is about her - the depression and the politics definitely, and she’s the one who’s obsessed with victoriana so. it would have been difficult to write ‘Tyrannus’ without listening to her for the last decade. plus, we’ve often been in the same fandoms before, and have written for each other a lot. (she’s better than me.)

maybe it would surprise people to know i don’t think i’m actually that gay. but i have also only been in one relationship ever, and it’s with another woman. i love gay romance, though. M/M or W/W - both in fandom, and in literature, film, etc. 

maybe i answered that question ok in the end!