#literally it would fix me though every problem i have gone

[seveneyesoup]

a long nights sleep under the tardis console would fix me btw

[everyonewooeverywhere]

NSFW BLOG | MINORS AND AGELESS BLOGS WILL BE BLOCKED

chapter 2 : dirty bastard

part 1 | masterlist

summary: when you come into his shop to get your boyfriend's car fixed, yunho can help but wonder what a hardworking, pretty girl like you is doing with someone so...pathetic. and maybe, just maybe, he feels like he could treat you better.

pairing: cowboy mechanic!yunho x female!reader

genre: non-idol au | strangers to lovers | angst | fluff (no smut yet, but there will be eventually)

rating: pg-13 (18+ for the whole series bc there will be smut eventually)

word count: 4.7k

content/warnings: pet names (sweetheart, doll), toxic relationship, yeonjun slander 😞 (again, sry baby)

notes: again, thank you @ateez-main-yapper for being my ride or die with this one 🫠 literally would have never finished this without her (and yes im gonna say that for every chapter get used to it ☺️����)

The apartment was quiet for the rest of the evening. You’d stopped going to Yeonjun’s gigs ages ago, so you usually had the entire evening to yourself. It was nice, a relaxing way to wind down. It felt like you lived alone in this little apartment for a few short hours. After clearing away all the scattered beer cans and paper plates scattered around the living room, you could live in your little bubble of delusion. A single girl, just enjoying her quiet after a long day.

You tried to keep your previous argument with Yeonjun out of your mind. It wasn’t really a new one. He’d always been wildly insecure around any of your male friends, even though most of them were the boyfriends of your female friends, and it was a disagreement you’d had several times. 

He’d never acknowledge the hypocrisy of him having plenty of female friends who hung around him and his bandmates, though. Girls who either didn’t care that he had a girlfriend or simply didn’t know. Being the man that he was, you couldn’t help but assume the latter. 

No more Yeonjun thoughts. You told yourself. He was going to be gone the rest of the night, so it was better that you kept him out of your head. 

And as you watched the TV you found it was pretty easy to keep him out of your mind, especially when thoughts of another man slipped in so much easier.

The feeling of Yunho’s arms wrapped around your shoulders lingered. The way he’d held you so close and rubbed your back was so comforting. His soft whispers of reassurance floated through your head as if he was still there. As if he was curled up on the couch next to you, holding you because he knew it brought you comfort.

You were baffled at your lack of guilt over the fantasies of being cherished by a man who was certainly not your boyfriend, especially when said man had made it pretty clear that he would’ve made advances toward you had you been single.

But you couldn’t find it in you to care.

And when Yeonjun stumbled into the apartment at two in the morning, you were lying awake in bed. You felt the bed dip as he rolled himself toward you, drunkenly wrapping an arm around you and pulling you into him. “Mmh…Love you, baby,” you let him place a wet kiss on the back of your neck, “M’sorry.”

You didn’t pull away. Letting him hold you close. Imagining the slurring of his voice in a charming southern accent. And wishing the smell of alcohol on his breath was gasoline.

Yunho called you at noon the next day telling you the car was ready for you to pick up. He said that it had been a much quicker job than he’d first anticipated. 

His soft southern drawl floated through the phone's speakers, “You need a ride over? I can bring ya some coffee, too.”

A heartfelt smile spread across your lips, “Oh thank you, Yunho. But I think I’ll just have my friend drive me over... If you…happen to still be getting coffee, though…”

The sound of his chuckle made your stomach flip, “I’ll grab ya somethin’, Doll.”

“Thank you.”

“Not a problem. Send me your order and whatever your friend wants, and I’ll have it ready for you when you get here.”

He hung up not long after. Huffing and complaining that “Mingi’s being needy.” 

“Okay,” you let out a breathy laugh, “Bye Yunho. I’ll see you in a bit.”

“See you later, Doll.”

You felt an odd sort of guilt over how excited you were to see him, and you felt like you had to consistently remind yourself of your own relationship when you were around him. But it was so hard to mask the way he made you giddy every time he called you “sweetheart.” And nothing could compare to the way “Doll” rolled off his tongue.

You quickly saved his number in your phone before calling up your friend, praying that she was free so you wouldn’t have to call Yunho back and tell him that you actually did, in fact, need a ride.

She picked up in seconds, “Hey, babe! What’s up?”

“Hey Ro, you free this morning?” 

You heard an excited gasp, “Yes, please! I don’t care what it is. My mom set me up on another blind date, and I’m like ninety percent sure he’s her pastor’s son. And I’ve met the guy a couple times, and he really gives me the creeps. Please give me an excuse to not go!”

“Rosie, how many times do I have to tell you that you can stay at my place if you need to avoid your mom and her date choices?” 

“Babe, I love you, dearly. But there is no way I am sleeping on that couch of yours. I don’t think Yeonjun could keep it clean if he tried.”

You shrugged, “We could always kick him to the couch.”

“Yeah, not sure I want to deal with that, either.”

“Ok, well I actually need to go pick up his car from the mechanic today. Do you think you could give me a ride?”

She gasped again, and you swear you heard something thump against the floor on her end, “Oh my god! Please please please tell me you went to the shop I suggested!”

You laughed, “I mean, I didn’t really have any other options.”

There's a rushed squeal of joy, followed by the sound of her bedsprings crying out in pain as she launched herself off of it, “Hold on, let me put on a better outfit, and I’ll see you in like an hour, okay?”

“Take your time. There’s really no rush.”

“Oh no no no. There absolutely is a rush. Can’t leave any opportunity for someone to swing by and swoop Mingi off his feet before I get the chance.” You loved her dedication to this, “Hey, by the way…just out of curiosity, what color was his hair while you were there?”

“Uhh, it was platinum, I think,” clearly you hadn’t spent much of your time thinking about Mingi’s hair. Or any part of him for that matter. You had other things on your mind.

Her groan bordered on a moan, “Fuckkk, girl, he’s so hot. I need that man more than I need air.”

“Ok, well, finish getting ready, and then come pick me up, and you can get your fix! Oh! And tell me what kinda coffee you want.” 

“Alrighty!” Her excitement was clear as day in the tone of her voice.

She pulled up to your building a little over an hour later. Looking absolutely stunning. Her hair was perfectly done up, and she was wearing the purple cardigan and white pleated skirt she had bought when you two went to the mall last month. 

“You look cute.” You pulled her in for a hug.

A bright grin pulled at her lips as she squeezed you tight, “Thank you.” She leaned back but held onto your shoulders, “So do you!”

You smiled softly at her, “Really?”

“Yes.” You knew she’d never tell you otherwise, and you truly believed she'd never even considered that she could be wrong. But part of you really needed to hear her reassure you on it today.

She finally let you go after a few seconds and looked around the kitchen, “Where’s the coffee?”

“Oh! Actually the mechanic is getting it for us.” 

Rosie raised an eyebrow at you, “The mechanic is getting us coffee?”

“Mhm. He was actually so sweet yesterday. Drove me home, too, because Yeonjun refused to give me a ride,” You sighed as the events played through your mind, “Jun and I actually got into a huge fight in front of him, and he was nice enough to…check on me after it was all over.”

Her eyes were wide as she grinned up at you, “And he’s buying you coffee this morning?”

“Yep.”

She looked beyond excited at this knowledge, “Is he cute?”

“Rosie.” You glared down at her. 

“What? I’m just curious,” A giggle bubbled out of her throat

“Curiosity should have its limites Ro, I’m in a committed relationship” 

Rosie scrunched her nose and mumbled something under her breath. You couldn’t make it out, but you had a clue. There was no bigger Yeonjun hater on the planet than her. And as much as she tried to keep in underwraps out of respect for you, there was no hiding how deep her distaste for him ran.

But you placed a hand gently on her shoulder, gestured her to the door, “Come on, girl. Let’s go.”

As you pulled up to the shop for the second time in the past twenty-four hours, you couldn’t help but start to feel a little giddy. You fidgeted with your hands in your lap, trying to control your excited anxiousness, but you couldn’t deny the butterflies that fluttered in your stomach when that baby blue pickup came into view. 

“We’re here~” Rosie sang. Flipping down the visor to reapply her lip gloss in the mirror. She flipped it up just in time to see a very sweaty Mingi manually pulling open the garage doors. “Oh fuck.” She turned to you, “Babe, I love you, but will you be okay on your own?” 

The pleading look in her eyes made you giggle. “Go for it girl.” 

She giddily slid out of the car and jogged up to the building, leaving you to gather your things with a bit more apprehension in your step. It would have been a bold-faced lie to say you weren’t nervous. Crushing hard on a stranger when you were already in a relationship made you a little sick with guilt. As much as you and Yeonjun fought, being unfaithful to him was the last thing on your mind. Regardless of how you felt about him, you trusted your own character that much at least.

You watched as Rosie and Mingi talked with each other. The flirting blatantly obvious from both parties. You were so glad to see her enjoying herself. Dating had been a nightmare for her because of her mother’s incessant prying into her life. And it had gotten so much worse as of late. Rosie turning twenty-five last month with still no signs of marriage was turning her mother into a bit of a monster. Setting her up with men with questionable histories just because she knew that they would want to get married fast and give her grandchildren. 

And while you didn’t know him, Mingi seemed like a great guy. He was absolutely her type, at least. She always had a thing for rugged car guys, so maybe his occupation was a sign from the universe herself that he might just be the one.

A knock on the window of Rosie’s car startled you out of your thoughts, making you drop your purse on the floor, tearing your gaze away from your friend. Oh. Yunho was standing outside smiling at you. You pushed the door open.

He tipped his head toward you in greeting, “Hey Doll, how ‘re you?”

“Oh…I’m alright,” you grabbed your purse off the car floor and finally looked up at him. He looked…good. Really good. Wearing another button up flannel and that same fucking beige cowboy hat.

He held a cup out for you, “Your drink.”

“Oh! Thank you.” You couldn’t help the heat rising in your cheeks when his fingers brushed your own. 

He glanced over at your friends who were getting very close as Mingi showed her the engine of a car. Yunho chuckled, “I’ll leave hers on the workbench. I don’t wanna interrupt that.” “That’s probably for the best,” you laughed, following him into the garage. 

He set Rosie’s drink down on the bench, taking the opportunity to lean down towards you, “He’s talked about her a lot, you know?” He lowly whispered in your ear. 

Pulling back, you fought the urge to shiver at his breath brushing your cheek, “Really?”

He nodded, “Spent a long time gettin’ ready this morning, too”

“Well, she was beyond excited to drive me, so I’d say it’s pretty mutual,” biting your bottom lip. Trying to hide how giddy that knowledge made you feel.

You both glanced over at them and saw Mingi’s hand on the lower part of her back as he reached to show her something inside the hood.

“I think that part’s pretty obvious.” He chuckled and turned his attention back to you, “Well, I got ‘er fixed up for ya.” He patted the hood of Yeonjun’s car. 

Your mind was so focused on the proximity of Yunho’s body to yours that you hadn’t even realized that the car was right behind you, “Oh my gosh. Thank you so much, Yunho. This has been stressing me out for a while. I’m so glad it finally got done.”

The whisper of a smile on his lips did nothing to mask the pity in his eyes, “It’s not a problem at all, Doll. You’re an incredible partner for getting it fixed for him.”

An awkward laugh escaped your mouth, “I sure try.”

“You’re doin’ great, sweetheart.”

“Thank you,” you muttered. A little embarrassed by his flattery.

“And before I forget! I gave her a full detail for ya, too.”

“Oh, you didn’t have to do that…” But your heart fluttered, “What do I owe you?”

He shook his head, “It’s on the house.”

“What? Yunho no. I can’t let you do that.”  You started fishing in your purse for your wallet, “Please let me at least pay you for the work yo–.” You peered into your purse to see nothing but your phone, a tube of lip gloss, and a panty liner you kept on you for emergencies. You grumbled, “I forgot my wallet.”

Yunho laughed, “Then I guess that’s settled.” He swung open the driver side door, “Here, have a look.” 

“Thank you,” you sighed in defeat.

“Oh! Before I forget.” He reached into his back pocket and pulled out a little pink digicam, “Found this on the floor in the backseat. Figured you might want it back.”

He placed it in your hands and watched as you tentatively flipped it over. Running your finger gently over the power button, but not pressing it hard enough to bring the device to life.

“Let me go grab some paper work, and then you’ll be good to go. Alright, Doll.”

You nodded but didn’t look up, too focused on the weight against your palm, “Ok.”

The cold metal felt unfamiliar in your hands. Its shiny surface reflecting a distorted, pink version of your face back at you. Yeonjun had never been the sentimental type, and the little heart stickers covering the front were not characteristic of him. You rested the beaded strap in your palm, the pearly white and blue glass beads smooth to the touch of your thumb. The name "Camryn" spelled out in bold, white lettering on powder blue hearts.

Yeonjun had female friends, you knew that. They weren’t exactly the quiet sort, their chatter and laughter usually spilling out the windows of Soobin’s car when he would pull up to your apartment. You’d never seen them as a cause for concern. But what would they be doing in his car? Yeonjun never drove himself to gigs or bars or parties. He always had someone else drive him, so how did his friend’s camera end up in the backseat?

Slipping your hand through the beaded strap, you flipped the camera over in your hands. The black screen staring back at you. Your thumb finally pressed the power button, and you watched as the little screen lit up. Flashing a logo at you before the lens pushed itself out and the screen showed your boots below you.

Hesitantly, you opened the gallery. The first photo was a selfie of a girl in a mosh pit huddled close by three other girls who all grinned up at the lens. And as you flipped through the gallery a bit of relief began to creep in. They all seemed to be photos of a girl partying and enjoying nightlife with her friends. But you kept scrolling. 

And you eventually reached a photo of Yeonjun. He was grinning at the camera. Happier than you had seen him in years. You frowned at the photo, trying to recall the last time he looked at you like that. 

It only took two more clicks for you to reach the first video. You pressed play without even hesitating for a moment.

A giggle seeped through the small speakers on the side, the sound coming out muffled due to the camera’s poor quality. A girl, who you assumed to be “Camryn” was placing the device on a table, clearly aiming to film something. You heard a male voice come from behind her but you couldn’t make out any of the words. When she turned around, you could see Yeonjun lounging on the couch in front of her. His arms splayed out on the back of it. 

You took a deep breath, bracing yourself for what you knew was coming next. 

And as you watched the scene play out, your fears were unmistakably confirmed. She slid onto his lap and let him wrap an arm around her waist.You couldn’t make out his voice, but the way he called her “baby” was impossible to miss.

You could feel your heart pounding out of your chest. The video kept playing, and you couldn’t tear your eyes away. The way he held her and cupped the back of her head made your stomach turn. Her jacket fell away, and he pulled down her dress, exposing her bare back to you. He was leaning in to kiss her chest when you watched as the camera fell forward on the table she’d propped it up on. Your view became obstructed but you could still hear the muffled sounds of her moans.

You dropped the camera from your hands, letting it swing as it hung from your wrist. Everything felt so heavy. The legs under you didn’t feel like your own. Everything felt disconnected. You couldn’t stop the shaking in your hands or the bile that rose up in your throat.

It felt as if the floor was crumbling under you, and when your knees gave out, you would’ve tumbled into the cool cement beneath your shoes if it weren’t for the pair of arms that caught you before you hit the ground.

“Woah woah woah.” Yunho’s voice came from above you, “Hey, what’s wrong?” You couldn’t even muster up the energy to look up and meet his eyes.

“Y/n?” You heard Rosie run up behind you. Yunho let her take you into her arms. She saw the camera swinging from your wrist and slipped it off. And seeing the video playing on replay answered any questions she would’ve asked you. “Oh babe.” She pushed the camera into Yunho’s hands and wrapped her arms around you tightly., “I’m so sorry,” she whispered into your shoulder.

Just the comfort and familiarity of her arms around you made you break down to tears. You gripped onto her shirt for dear life. She ran a comforting hand over your hair. Letting you cry into her arms. 

You had no idea how long she held you like that. But when you pulled away, Mingi and Yunho were clear across the other side of the shop, giving you your privacy.

Rosie wiped a tear from under your eye. “I asked Mingi if he could drive the car back,” she refused to even utter Yeonjun’s name, “I don’t think you should drive like this.”

You nodded, “Ok.”

“Do you want to go back now?” She asked apprehensively.

You took a deep breath, “Yes.” You didn’t have any other words. The sadness inside you was fading into anger, and you didn’t want anyone here to see that part of you.

Yunho came back over. He held the camera out to you, “I figured you might want this back. Might make it easier to…confront him.”

Your lips formed a tight smile, “Thank you, Yunho.” You looked up at him, missing the flutter in your heart that his eyes had given you just several minutes earlier, “You’ve been a really big help. I’m sorry you did all it for some asshole who…” You couldn’t say it out loud yet.

He shook his head, “I didn’t do it for no dirty bastard like that. I did it for you, Doll. Because that’s only the smallest fraction of what you deserve.”

You could only muster out another small “thank you” before Rosie was leading you to her car. And you watched as he stood in the garage door and watched you both drive away.

The numbness was starting to wear off by the time Rosie pulled her car into the lot below your apartment. You could feel the anger seeping into your blood as she parked and turned off the car. A million explanations for why your partner of six long years would cheat on you playing through your mind like a broken film reel. 

He’d stopped being attracted to you when your long work hours stopped you from putting as much effort into your appearance as you used to. 

He’d only stayed with you so he’d have a place to sleep and food on the table. 

He was using you. 

He never really loved you.

You wished he’d never really loved you. 

Gently, she grabbed your shoulder to get your attention, “Do you want me to come up? I’ll wait outside the door if you’d like. Or do you want me to wait down here?” 

“Can you just wait here?” 

She nodded and gave your shoulder a light squeeze, “Ok. Call me if you need me. I’ll be right there.” You couldn’t even formulate a response before you slid out of her car. Mute with anger as you rode the rickety elevator up to your floor. Racking your brain over and over and over again for some sliver of a reason for how he could do this to you. After everything you’d done for him and everything he’d put you through. After everything you’d been through together. Memories of the days back in college when you’d spend long nights out together at bars and crash out on the couch in each others’ arms swirling together with the anger swelling in your chest. Making you sick with distress and confusion. 

Where did it all go wrong?

When you stepped through the door, the quiet air of the apartment felt so unfitting for your swarming thoughts. Of course, he was still asleep. 

But not a sliver of your existence cared when you threw the bedroom door open, letting it slam back against the wall. He didn’t stir. In fact, he didn’t even show a single sign of life until you kicked the bed with the toe of your boot.

When did everything you’d given him stop being enough?

He groaned and lifted his head to glare at you, “What the fuck?”

He had to have loved you at some point, right?

“Get up.”

Where did that end?

“Oh god, what did I do now?”

How did those two carefree lovers end up here?

“Get. Up.”

He sat up and reached into the nightstand for a shirt, “Will you save the nagging for one fucking second? I have a headache.” He pushed himself up from the bed with a huff, striding past you to get to the kitchen, “Is this about yesterday? I don’t want to talk about that right now. Not like you ever fucking listen to me anyway. All high and mighty think you’re better than me beca–” 

Every bone in his body froze when he saw the camera sitting on the kitchen counter. He snapped out of his daze, realizing a little too late that you’d followed him out of the bedroom, and had been staring at him from across the counter. Watching his whole body stiffen in place.

Guilty. 

“Who is she?”

“Who the hell are you talking about?” 

Liar.

He wouldn’t even look you in the eye. Gesturing vaguely at the dusty pink digicam. “What even is this?” 

“I am not in the mood to play stupid games with you. Who. Is. She?”

“Do I have to say it twice? I don’t fucking know.”

Did he think you were an idiot?

You slammed your hand down on the countertop, trying to stop yourself from screaming for the neighbor’s sake, “Will you fucking stop!? Turn around, look me in the eyes, and tell me you’re not fucking cheating on me!”

Maybe you were an idiot.

His shoulders slumped in defeat. “She’s just a groupie. Comes to our shows sometimes.” He turned to you, mood shifting to desperation, “It wasn’t anything serious, I swear. We never did more than kiss. She doesn’t mean anything, baby please.”

An idiot for buying into his apologies and excuses for so, so long.

You were thankful in that moment that you were still too numbed by shock to cry. A bitter laugh bubbling out of your throat instead, “A groupie? You don’t fucking have groupies, Yeonjun. And there is practically a sex tape on that camera. Don’t play dumb with me.”

“Shit, baby, come on. I’m sorry. It really didn’t mean anything. I was just drunk and stupid and got caught up in the moment.”

You were done. 

“Stop! Stop lying. Stop making up excuses! I don’t care! You cheated on me Yeonjun! That’s the fucking issue here!” You paused to take a deep breath, “I don’t care why. I don’t care what the circumstances were. I don’t care how bad you feel. I care that I’ve spent six years making sure you have a roof over your head and food on the table without you ever having to lift a finger, and instead of a ‘thank you, baby’ all I get is you fucking around with other girls.”

He grabbed your hand, and you let him bring it up to his lips and kiss your knuckles. Beyond numb to the feeling.

“We’ll work this out, baby. I swear. I’m so sorry. I’ll help out around the house! And I’ll start looking for a job I swear.” 

You nearly scoffed. 

“That’s great, Yeonjun,” and you saw him get excited at the prospect of winning this, “But you can do that somewhere else.”

Panic rose in his eyes, “Baby, no. Come on! We can work through this.” His hands started shaking as they held your own, “I can’t lose you.”

“I want you gone by tomorrow afternoon.”

“What?” He froze, “What the fuck? You’re kicking me out!? Where do you expect me to go?”

“Fuck if I care. You should’ve thought about that before you cheated on me. For fuck’s sake you should’ve thought about that before you decided to put your pathetic excuse for a band before me. Before us.”

Anger flashed across his face, and he dropped your hands as quickly as he’d held them. “You know what? Fine. You were never anything but a bitch anyway. You never supported me or my music. At least she knows talent when she sees it.” 

The sound you made was more than a little unnerving, laughter ringing through your small apartment. “Nice to know you already prefer her over me. Hope she’s got room for you on her couch tonight.”

He ignored you completely. And you watched as he threw on his shoes and stormed out of the apartment. Slamming the door behind him. You had no idea where he was going, but you didn’t care. It would only take you a couple of hours to pack up all his stuff, and maybe you could leave it at the curb so he’d never have to step foot in your home ever again.

But as his footsteps faded down the hallway, silence enveloped the small space. You could feel the anger collapsing in on itself.. The pain you’d been bottling up for the past couple of hours finally overflowing. And the man who you’d spent years of your life trying to “fix” couldn’t have cared less about anything you did for him. 

He couldn’t care less about you.

And as you sank to the floor of your kitchen, you felt the weight of all the time and energy you’d wasted on him. Of all the tears you’d shed and money you’d spent. All the love and youth you’d given. And you knew deep down it was as much your fault as it was his.

ok cowboy: @saintriots @ateezswonderland @fairyofhueningkai @acetyu @kyeomofhearts

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[cy-cyborg]

I'm getting a little tierd of the idea because amputees get more representation in media, it means rep for our disability is better and we "have enough"

People are right, we do have way more rep than really any other disability, im not going to deny that, and ive joked before about how often people write amputees without even realising it. So you would think, by sheer numbers, we should have at least some good representation, but by-and-large that is not the case. Legitimatly, the closest example I can think of to point to of good amputee rep is Full Metal Alchemist Brotherhood and even that uses multiple tropes I hate (the miracle cure/quest for the miracle cure, the almost perfect prosthetic replacement/forgetting the chatacter is an amputee until it breaks or needs repairs, refusal to call prosthetics, "prosthetics" (automail), the amputee who can't do anything without a prosthetic) and they call Ed a slur for another disability (m*dget) CONSTANTLY. I love fmab deeply, it legitimatly helped me feel seen and represented as a childhood amputee in a way no other show has even come close to, and when it gets it right, it gets it really right, but it's also very far from great and should not be the best example I can think of. Especially nearly 15 years after it released...

A big part of the reason why I don't read many books anymore is because of the sheer amount of books with downright offensively bad amputee rep, some of which were touted as good by people with other disabilities and were recommended to me as good examples. others times, I wasn't even looking for books with amputee/disability rep, it just popped up. It has ruined one of my childhood hobbies for me. Ive tried to get back into reading again as an adult but it hasn't gotten better in that time i was away. I was kicked out of 3 different scifi writing groups on facebook and reddit for asking people to remember "cybernetic enhancement" users are amputees - a real group of people, and maybe debating weather or not we're less human isnt great, and for pointing out seeing those discussions every day was making me feel pretty unwelcome in that space (yes i know, "real" cyberpunk isnt trying to say that, i had to turn notifications off on my post about the topic, it doesnt change the fact that newer creators in the genre dont seem to get that bit, that ive seen cyberpunk writers in these spaces say that debating weather people who loose more parts of their body were less human was, in fact, their intent but they hadnt even considered the fact this made their chatacters amputees, it doesnt change the fact that these tropes, intentionally or not, help make those spaces hostile for disabled fans/creators, especially amputees).

But yeah, I should be thankful I get more rep than other disabilities, no matter the quality, right?

It doesn't just stop at being me being made uncomfortable, though. The sheer, overwhelming amount of amputee chatacters with "perfect prosthetics" has had a noticeable impact on how we are perceived irl. In my lifetime, the general idea people have about multi-limbed amputees in particular has gone from "literally the worst thing that can happen to a person and the worst disability to have" to "is it even a disability? The prosthetic fixes it". These are both wildly untrue and harmful ideas about my disability that were both perpetuated by media, but now that the second one is taking root, it's causing real problems. I have not been shy in talking about how I have to fight to maintain my NDIS funding every time I get something done with my prosthetics, and had to get my prosthetist to sign off, twice, that my fancy prosthetic knee that costs the same as a higher-end new car ($125,000 AUD) is not, in fact a cure and I still need help with other things. It took me nearly 2 years to get a new wheelchair because they didn't understand why I needed it if I had the prosthetics - which to be honest, is not comfortable for me to wear, let alone use all day every day. Guys this isn't just assholes on the street or on twitter saying dumb shit, it's the people in the government body who decide how much funding I get to help with my disability who beleive it. People who have very real control over my life. It's not entirely the media's fault, but when the sheer, overwhelming majority of representation for people like me confirms that belief, it's hard to ignore the possibility that these portrayals are contributing to it, you know?

Which makes it so frustrating when I come on here and see other disability writing advice blogs saying to not write amputees because they have so much representation already. We do, I can acknowledge that, but the vast, vast majority of it is shit, and no one, not even other disabled people, are listening to us about it. And what makes it even worse, is the people they're advising to not writing amputees are the creators who care enough to be doing the research. They're the ones willing to listen, to ask questions. They could be the start of the positive change. But instead they're advised to not even bother with us.

And don't get me wrong, other disabilities ARE under-represented. There are so many disabilities, including some I have myself, that I've never seen represented as anything other than the butt of a joke. There does need to be more reprentation of disabilities other than amputation and limb differences. 100%! but can you please talk about that without saying "amputees have enough"

This isn't even touching on how amputees/people with limb differences who dont/cant use prosthetics, or even folks who use prosthetics sometimes but not others, are almost never represented unless it's for pitty-porn, or how the non-fictional media's (news outlets, etc) portrayal of amputees in particular is used to justify hurting very real, very vunderable people but this rant is long enough and honestly, ive got enough thoughts to make whole other posts on those subjects. That second one in particular deserves its own (more thought-out) spotlight and shouldn't be a footnote in a frustrated rant post lol.

[andyoullhearitagain]

Every Odo Costume Ranked From Worst To Best Part 1

Odo looks terrible 75% of the time and it's not bad costume design, it's true to the character! But it does test me.  Here's everything he wears definitely ranked.

19. Cardassian Uniform:

It is NOT a good look for him.

18. Seasons 1 and 2 Bajoran Security Uniform:

The original Bajorn uniform is SO UGLY you guys. I understand that it's meant to be beige and unattractive to reflect Odo's discomfort with his appearance and his general state as an awkward stiff guy but, oh man. Boy does it achieve that. It's just so unflattering and it makes him look so old and I hate it.

It has so many fit and construction problems, you guys.

17. Makeshift Blanket Poncho:

I literally think he looks better here than in season 1. Also his hair looks better!

16. Klingon Odo:

I almost forgot about Klingon Odo because while I like Klingons in episodes, I don't like Klingon Episodes, you know what I mean? And Odo would be the very bottom of my list of people to go undercover as a Klingon, I don't care if he IS the chief of security. But he does have the face for it, I have to say.

15. 200 Years in the Future Odo:

Ok it's not thaaaaaat bad an outfit but I really cannot with Casual Summer Farmer Odo. It's just not right. It's not what a want for Odo, fashion-wise. Texture of the tunic is pretty.

14. Federation Infirmary Scrubs:

Oh if you get hurt on a FEDERATION ship they give you a non-stupid outfit, huh? It's cute, I'd lounge around the house in it. Is it insane to rank this above Future Odo? Maybe, but I just think it suits him better.

13. Season 3+ Bajoran Security Uniform:

Oh thank god. They fixed most of the fit problems, mainly by adding padding in the chest and shoulder and eliminating some of the shaping in the side front.

And I don't mean padding like they're trying to change his shape, I mean padding as in they've made a suit coat correctly. They also added a high collar. I don't know WHY they repeated the mistake they made in TNG where they started with crew necks (near universally unflattering) but at least they fixed it. It's still a frumpy, insecure look but it feels much more appropriate. Love that Odo always makes his sleeves too long. 

12. Umpire Odo:

This look absolutely gains points because of how much Odo's enjoying it. And that's the most important part of an outfit! He's serving Dadcore.

Do you think the mask is part of him or do you think he wore a real one because It's The Rules? If he got hit in the face with a baseball would it hurt? Important questions.

11. Season 3 Bajoran Security Uniform But With A Belt:

Odo wore this belt for like six episodes and then Kira said she liked it right before she started dating Shakkar, ruining it for Odo forever. May it rest in peace.

10. Mirror Universe Odo:

I really think they could and should have gone harder on Evil Sexy Odo, but unforch he's just wearing the season 3 uniform in black. It is nicer than the brown though so it ranks higher! When you see the costume in full light it's actually got some nice texture.

But Terok Nor is the darkest place in the galaxy, so for most of the episode it looks like this.

Part 2

[descendantsramblings]

I have a little idea for Male!Reader x james Hook and morgie

-

Male reader (son of Rapunzel maybe?) Went back in time with Red and Chloe, Hook and Morgie took a certain interest in him cause the boy is a stubborn little thing with a big mouth.

The Reader is mostly annoyed/amused with Hooks flirting and finds Morgies teasing Interesting. Reader is interested in morgie (sorry hook) but the Reader knows he cant put a move on morgie even if he wants to cause that could cause problems with the timeline and the future

Its all just a mess for the reader but he may or may not become weak at one point cause lets be honest- who can resist a Dork that acts like a golden retriever.

Having the Morgie boys be some of the main people in my inbox is literally my favorite thing. I love him so much, this is wonderful.

In Another Life

Morgie le Fay x Time traveling!Reader/James Hook x Time Traveling!Reader

Pronouns Used: He/Him/His

Summary: When Rapunzel’s son is dragged back in time by his childhood best friend he finds himself the object of two villains’ affections.

Warnings: suggestive comments, crying technically, minor swearing, a few words in German, bad ending, mentions of death, the reader is kinda mean to Chloe in the first paragraph

Word Count: 2.9K

Translations (I don't speak German so I hope this is correct)

hau rein - "see ya", mein sonnenschein - "My sunshine"

    “How was I supposed to know that I’d get us sent to the past when I grabbed you? You have to forgive me at some point!” The blue-haired girl looks nearly animated in her movements as the argues with him. Chloe had managed to get him thrown into every single negative situation she’d gone through the entire time they’d known each other. But this? This takes the cake. “I can’t believe you! How dare you act like this is just a little spill, we’re stuck here Chloe. Stuck, no going home until some Wonderland kid we just met decides we can. This is not something I’ll just ‘forgive you eventually’ for! I should be at home with my family, not here in a point of time where our country doesn’t even exist yet!” His arms move wildly in the air around him as he yells. The last day with his parents until family day and now he had to spend it with someone else? And he was supposed to, what? Trust a kid who just convicted his best friend’s mother of treason? This was ridiculous. Everyone should know not to trust the person who got your mother sentenced to death to help save their mother. “What about my family? If we didn’t come back then my mom would for sure die.” “No Chloe, not we. If you and Red didn’t. This doesn’t involve me. I don’t want to be here!” “And you think I do?” 

    He turns on his heel, storming off towards the woods behind him. “(Y/n) Fitzherbert! You don’t even know where you’re going!” The boy huffs, waving a hand at her as if to brush her off “Well, guess I’ll just have to get lost!” Normally he wouldn’t be so huffy. But normally normal things were happening to him. Being the first person to experience time travel was not part of his bucket list, he could promise you that. He just needed to clear his head, regroup. That would fix him, surely it would.  The woods felt no different to the ones in his own part of the timeline, though then again, how could they be? They were just woods, just trees and grass and morning dew. It smelt fresher though, as if the air was cleaner somehow. Perhaps it was, the past couple decades had the time to affect the air, would they not? (Y/n) would never tell his friends about where exactly he went when he was alone in the woods, they all assumed he spent his time at the enchanted lake, and he  assumed it was better that way. Some things should get to be secrets, if not he’d never be alone again. He deserved to have his secrets. Everyone did, didn’t they? 

      And there it was, the old shell of a hideout that looked newer now, nicer. Not that it looked nice per say but it wasn’t what he was used to back home. The boy slowly makes his way to the side of the lagoon, jumping from rock to rock as he approached his slice of solitude. It felt like he was where he was supposed to be for the first time in the four hours he’d been stuck in the past. Listening to the familiar thump of his converse on the large flat pieces of stone put him at peace. Maybe for only a few minutes he could be at home, that’s all he wanted. Home, god Red better be able to get them back there. He just needed his taste of it, then he’d go put on a pretty face for Chloe and Red and apologize to his best friend for yelling at her. Of course he would, he always did.

   At home, he was pretty much the only person who even knew about the black lagoon, no one else was ever there. So why would he expect someone now? The two boys sitting in the hideout were a shock to him. How had he never thought about who would have used the place before him? He was smarter than that, surely he was. Had the boys been facing away from him, he would’ve just left. Actually gone to the Enchanted Lake or maybe just turned back to Chloe. That wasn’t his luck though, instead they stared at him nearly challenging him.  Silently but visibly questioning what made him think he was allowed to be in their space.

      “What have we here?” The boy with the darker hair steps towards him, hook swinging towards him in a manner that almost felt playful. “We don’t get many Princes around here. What a surprise,” he slides the dull end of the golden hook down the boy’s cheek, smirking at him, “Come here looking for something, did you?” The seductive tone of the pirate was so thick you’d have to be a fool to miss it. Something similar to how he’d spoken to Chloe earlier when she was more than ready to fight him. No doubt the pirate was just like that. His eyes go over the boy, giving him the up and down twice before scoffing, “Not for you.” Hook drops his arm, stepping back slightly with a brow quirked. “Oh really?” The other boy comes up behind him now, hands resting on Hook’s shoulders as he peers over him at the Prince. “So you’re here for me then?” His lip slots between his teeth as he looks at the boy. Something about the teasing tone Morgie used had his stomach flipping. The smirk on his face was softer, an almost hopeful twinkle in his eyes.  “Come on, Darling, we both saw how you were looking at us back in the courtyard. Who’d you come to see?” Hook crosses his arms as he speaks, shamelessly checking out the Prince. 

    “Actually,” (Y/n) steps away, heading over to that old seashell chair he  adored and falling in it, “I was hoping the place was empty. Shouldn’t you two be in class?” Morgie’s brows furrow, that was his seat, why would he take his seat? “Shouldn’t you be in class, Darling?” Eyes roll back in their sockets as he runs his hand down the fabric of the chair. It was so much nicer right now, going back to the way it was in the future was going to suck now that he knew its potential. “You don’t need to worry about where I should be.”  “Oh no,” Morgie waltzes to his side, perching on the chair beside him, so close their thighs brush as he sits, “Well, you’re in our space and my seat. So I think we do get to worry about where you’re supposed to be.” Morgie's seat, huh? He hums, a smirk on his lips, “If you say so.” “I do,” Morgie lets his eyes shamelessly linger on his mouth, taking in the smirk that seemed to tease him back. This was the closest he’d ever been to a royal without actively harassing them. He thought the stranger would pull away, maybe move from his chair all together, but he didn’t. He simply adjusted in the seat, their legs getting closer as he did, now pressed to each other, solidifying his stance on moving. “Listen boys, you can pretend I’m not here, I don’t really care. I just need a piece of home and this is as close as I can get.”  

     Hook and Morgie share a look, seeming to communicate through their eyes. This exchange student didn’t fear them in the slightest. It was new, almost a rush for the both of them. And in that moment they seemed to silently agree on something. This was going to be their new little game it seemed. Who could get the new boy’s affections first? May the odds be ever in your favor. 

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      Pretending he didn’t know exactly where they were going while walking with Red and Chloe to the Black Lagoon was harder than he thought. Surely if he was too obvious they’d get suspicious. And he couldn’t imagine how they’d react if they knew he’d spent a whole class period with two boys who would help lead to the mess they’d been facing back home. Not that he’d meant to spend time with them, of course not. Why would he? They were villains, or at least they were supposed to be. He wasn’t so sure he could call them that though, not after the way he saw them. How would those two boys, the ones who were teases as best, go on to end up on the Isle of the Lost? How would Morgie end up there at all? Surely it would have to be similar to how the VKs from his part of the timeline did, wouldn’t it? Just a victim to his family line, nothing more. Not that he knew him. Of course one afternoon wasn’t enough to know a person, but the way he spoke, the innocence in his eyes when (Y/n) had confused him a few times, that seemed a little hard to fake. 

     He lags behind the girls as they walk away from the Lagoon, lost in his own mind. Not that they’d notice, too wrapped up in talking about the prank that was meant to be pulled in two days. Chloe being a touch too distracted by the red lipstick painting the other princess’ lips. He took a mental note to tease her for that later, some point where they could all laugh about all this. He could feel eyes on him from behind, pausing to put more space between the girls before him and himself. Whoever was trailing them didn’t need to bother the princesses, he could handle them alone for sure. Left hand reaching for the sword on his hip as two bodies collide with his back. Chests to his shoulders. “Are you following us now, Darling?” “Miss us that much already?” (Y/n) turns to look over his left shoulder first, smiling at Morgie and sending him a teasing wink before turning the other way to look at Hook. Hand falling away from his sword, he wouldn't need it against them. “It seems to me you’re following me, Captain. Considering you ran into my back when I stopped walking and all.” “Touché,” he smirks, putting his hook under the boy’s chin with a smile, “Can you blame me? Watching you walk away is quite the view.” 

   He laughs, stepping away from the pirate and slightly running into Morgie. “You pirates are all so shameless. Ego’s bigger than your ship isn’t it?” “Oh wouldn’t you like to know? You should come ride it some time.” He winks at the Prince, words obviously holding a double meaning that should've brought a blush to his cheeks. (Y/n) laughs, taking notice of the gentle hand that had found its way onto his shoulder from behind. “Oh, I’ve seen the Jolly Roger, she’s not that impressive.” Hook raises a brow, “Oh you have? How haven’t I seen you before, then?” Shit, he hadn’t seen the Jolly Roger while Hook was the Captain. He shouldn’t have let that slip. “I’ve visited Neverland a time or two, guess you just aren’t that observant.” Hopefully it was convincing enough, he turns to the sorcerer behind him, the boy looking down at him. “You would’ve noticed me, wouldn’t you?” He hoped it would help make his earlier words more convincing or at least serve as a good distraction from them. If it hadn’t been so dark, the boy would’ve seen the pink hue drawn to Morgie’s cheeks and ears. The villain silently thanking Uliana for wanting to wait until dark to discuss their plans for revenge, had they done this earlier he would’ve been caught for sure. “Of course I would. Look at you.” It wasn’t as smooth as he’d hoped for, nothing like the line delivery he’d had in the daylight but he could still see a smile play across the Prince’s face, teeth and eyes sparkling in the pale moonlight. 

    “I’d hope so, I like the attention.” He knew better than to play with him like that. Who knew how they’d be changing the future just from a small interaction. Though it seemed that Chloe and Red hadn’t, (Y/n) did learn a thing or two about the Butterfly Effect. He could only hope to all things good that he wouldn’t ruin his own future by just being between the two boys. If he was stronger, maybe he'd move. It was hard not to linger there though, with that sweet look on Morgie’s face and the burning feeling of the pirate’s eyes on him. Boys back home never looked at him like this .Never stared at his lips the way Morgie did, it felt good. And if he wasn’t so scared of changing things, he might have just given in to those half lidded eyes that were locked on his lips and leaned up. Were they as soft as they looked? It was like the other boy could read his thoughts, Hook turning him to face away from Morgie with a teasing smirk playing on his lips,  “If it’s attention you’re looking for, I know a great source.” (Y/n) laughs, shaking his head as he pulls away from both of them. “You don’t know when to quit, do you, Captain? Well, hau rein boys, have a good night.” 

     Morgie hates to admit to how hard he was staring as he watched the prince walk away from him. Eyes locked on the royal strut, he knew Hook’s would be too. It was nearly impossible to look away from him. “What language was that?” He spares Hook a look when the darkness swallows the boy’s receding form, brows raised in confusion. “I,” Hook stops, turning to look at his friend with an equally confused face, “I’m not sure.” 

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    Two days in the past shouldn’t have this effect on him. It’s embarrassing, how did he let a boy he just met get him so wrapped up like this. A boy he couldn’t even have, and yet he was begging for an extra thirty minutes in the past to just say goodbye. Running through the halls of Merlin academy just hoping to see a flash of black and green. He had to say goodbye, he just, he had something he had to do. For himself. Where would a sorcerer whose friends all just got frozen by a magic cookbook be hiding? Where would he be if Chloe had just been frozen? 

    Looking for whoever did it to her. Without a second thought he’d be looking for whoever hurt her. And if Morgie was anything like him, that's what he'd be doing too. So that means, he needed to retrace his steps from the office to Red’s dorm. Running back towards the dorm and straight past it he ends up slamming into a solid chest. Two strong hands grabbing his arms and stabilizing him as the impact almost sends him falling backwards. He looks up to see a pair of hazel eyes that had plagued him for the past two days. He assumes they’ll be haunting him for the rest of his life now. The boy being forever unattainable.  The thought was nauseating.

    “Hey! Careful there, you almost wiped out,” Morgie’s hands slide down his arms, ghosting over the bewildered look on his face, “You okay, (Y/n)?” He didn’t know the boy well, Morgie couldn’t deny that. But he could feel in his heart of hearts that the way the boy laughed at his question was out of character. “I was looking for you actually, lucky me that you were,” he looks at those pretty eyes again, letting out a shaky breath, “Right here.” A pale pink lip slides between his teeth, disrupting the smile that was trying to spread across his face, “Lucky I was, someone had to catch you.” (Y/n) shakes his head, breaking eye contact, “People don’t tend to catch me very often.”It makes Morgie place a single knuckle under his chin, tilting his face back up so he has to look him in the eyes again. “I’d catch you every time. I actually was looking for you too. I needed to ask you something.” 

     The sorcerer had that hopeful look back in his eyes, the one he'd had back in the hide out. It made (Y/n)’s chest hurt. “You did?” He nods, smile stretched across his face as he pulls his hands back to himself, fiddling with his fingers as he speaks. “Listen, I know that it’s super late, considering it’s tomorrow and all, but I was wondering if you’d go to Castlecoming with me? I know we just met and all but there’s no better time to get to know each other right?” He knew from the way the Prince’s face fell that there was no way he’d get the answer he wanted. If he was smarter, maybe he would've run away. 

     “Oh, Morgie, in another life I’d be able to answer that the way I want to.” He frowns, brows furrowing, “Well, why can’t you?” He lets his palm rest on Morgie’s cheek, and despite the fact that the boy’s heart was visibly breaking, he nuzzles against his hand. “You could never understand how us being together would effect where I’m from,” it’s shaky, a slow breath following his words. His voice was weaker than he wanted it to be. “Is it,” he takes a shaky breath, eyes growing a little blurry as he looks at the prince. He thought he was different, that maybe his family wouldn’t matter to him, how silly he was to believe that. “Is it because I’m a villain?” (Y/n) knew better when he leaned forward, he knew better than placing his lips on those pretty pale pink ones. It was a kiss he’d compare to every one that followed. Soft, sweet and sad, a poetic moment that would only ever get to be a memory. He knew he’d regret it when he went home and nothing felt like the lips of the second generation sorcerer. Forehead resting on the other boy’s as he lets out a sigh, eyes still closed because he knew he couldn't look at the boy and get his words out. The way he caught feelings for the first person to show him attention was embarrassing. “Mein sonnenschein, I didn’t get to know you well, but I know you are no villain. In another life I’d be your happily ever after.” Morgie frowns, pulling away from him, “I wish it could be this one.” Eyes opening at the loss of contact, (Y/n) looks up at the boy, his words were doing more harm than good. He knew he should turn away, he needed to get back to Red - to his home-, but tearing his eyes away from the boy would hurt. “Yeah,” he wipes a tear he didn’t mean to let slip, “Yeah, I do too.”

Yeah, there was no way he'd just "forgive Chloe at some point" over this one. No one is supposed to break their own heart.

Find Part 2 Here

[tf2thoughtdump]

TF2 Thought of the Day

Headcanon? Yes.

Character(s)? All the mercs, team not specified but for simplicity’s sake, the red team

Long or Short? Long. This may take a while.

You're free to use any thoughts of mine in any form of media you make.

Thought

This one is real simple, it’s how I think the mercs would handle being given a baby. Enjoy!

Scout

Literally going crazy

Like, about to explode levels of crazy.

Gushing over every inch of this baby from her big eyes to her tiny nose and down to her chubby little hands and feet

Luckily, the little munchkin doesn’t seem to mind his intense energy so it works out

He does his best, but admittedly he is a bit… rusty

The first time he tried holding her, he wasn’t properly securing her head

The second him, he was just holding her upside down

He’s not the WORST merc to leave a baby with, but you have better options.

Soldier

Not really sure what to do with this….

Recruit.

He held her FAR from his body before opting to just tuck her under his arm like a loaf of bread

This didn’t last long though because he eventually found a way to keep her strapped to him with his belt

Uncomfortable, sure, but the baby could care less

She was more concerned with who gave her to this man in the first place

Soldier is your last resort

Pyro

Is most likely to set the baby’s diaper on fire when it gets full

He’s not BAD with a baby, it’s just…

There are so many better options!

They can hold the baby right, that’s not the problem, the problem is the outfit

The rubber, the material in general

Babies need skin-on-skin contact and Pyro.. doesn’t exactly fit the bill with that one

She’s definitely gonna make the baby uncomfortable but it’s nothing a good tickle won’t fix!

Demoman

Why?

Just….

Why?

Did you run out of options again?

Was Soldier too busy so you had to wake up Tavish?

What on Earth could be running through your mind to think leaving a baby with a drunk is a good thing?

He might rock it to sleep, but that’s about all you’re getting

Heavy

Your number 1 go to if you need a babysitter

He’s got three younger sisters! How hard can taking care of a baby be?

You’ll soon come to find out that with Heavy? Taking care of a baby is a piece of cake.

No complications, no fusses, no unchanged diapers

Just Heavy asleep on a couch too small for him, and a baby resting in his giant hands.

Engineer

Also another good one!

Doesn’t have much experience with REAL babies, just his mechanical babies, but he’s sure he can watch her for ya!

Don’t worry about a thing, buttercup, he’s got everything under control

Turns out, he kinda did?

In the time you were gone, he built her a rocking crib

Plus an automatic diaper changer

He’s just a little to busy with machines to be worrying about diapers

Relax though! If the baby cries, he’s putting down everything to figure out what’s wrong and how to solve the problem

Minus the guns in the equation

Medic

Well, uhm..

He’s not a bad baby-watcher!

He will keep that little rascal in his sights at all times! No doubt about it!

He could stare at that baby all day!

Best babywatcher in the world!

But…

This is Medic we’re talking about…

There’s no way this baby is coming back the same baby..

Sniper

Not.. sure what to do?

He’s a bit of a recluse, so he doesn’t hang around people that much

That also translates to him not really being able to understand what to do when given a baby and told to watch her

You know that TikTok audio?

“Your mom told me to watch you, but.. you don’t do anything.”

That’s him.

He takes “watch her” seriously

Now granted, Mick will let her play with his fingers occasionally but is really just staring at a baby in his lap for 2 hours straight and freaking out every time she cries or soils a diaper

Spy

Spy is a neglectful dad

We see that with Scout, so it’s no big surprise there

However, he’s not horrible with kids

He can take care of a baby just fine, change her diapers, feed her, burp her, lull her to sleep and the like

He just won’t be very enthusiastic about it!

If you want your baby to have a good time, pick Scout or Engineer

But if you want someone who actually has some idea what they’re doing, get Heavy or Spy for the job, okay?

[sergeifyodorov]

would u do a little analysis of how each team has done so far this season … i trust ur opinions so much

EACH team okay... under the cut bc i am not subjecting the masses to 32 nasty little thots cody edition

Bruins: RIP patrice of course but the bruins are steamrolling as ever... i think that if there is any evidence of the universe simply not caring abt good things it is that the bruins slip and stumble and have some of their best players retired and still manage to put up a 50 win season every year. <- salty leafs fan but ANYHWAY the bruins are easily a Playoff Team. simply "there" 5v5, strong power play, they make their money off finishing (pastrnak you filthy animal) and goaltending (swaymark you filthy animals). they have been trending downwards of late so i'm not entirely sure of like their final standings place but with this kind of head start they're staying up.

Sabres: currently in what we the people call a "decade of darkness." might be a "two decades of darkness" if we're going to be honest. the active player with the most playoff points with the sabres is tyler myers. 7 points. yeah the tall one most famous for having a subreddit that posts the gamescore card every time he's on the bottom of the gamescore card. sabres are really hard to fix because their first real step to contention is "hoping devon levi turns out really good." not promising. bad enough that by selling a piece or two celebrini is in sight. maybe that'll help? a third 1OA?

Red Wings: presenting the mid-season Season Ruining Unforced Error Award early by saying: not that they were going to be as good as their first few games of sniping suggested, but signing patrick kane tanked any realistic hope they have of playoffs. is patrick kane good? he's actually alright. maybe this time the surgery worked. is the team made better by having him on it? it surely isn't! a few REALLY BADLY TIMED dylan larkin based misfortunes have made it go from bad to worse. they were in A2 like a month ago and now they're Out. strengths: finishing. weaknesses: everything else, including morale.

Panthers: okay you've probably clocked this by now but ive been Generally Salty so far and that is bc a) im easily tempted to haterhood and b) currently discussing each team in the atlantic which does nothing to make me less Tempted To Haterhood. that being said the panthers are Good and For Real About It. they can do everything except finish chances, which is fine when the other team has way fewer chances than you and your goalie doesn't let any of them in. fuck ALLL the way off. place your bets on these guys having a deep playoff run. cross your fingers for them not having a deep playoff run i can't stand chuckyposting again it's RAN ITS COURSE. (also: machuk is probably still injured and absolutely Not doing as well as he did the last few seasons. maybe because he's just not that kind of guy but it's probably at least mostly the broken chest thing)

Canadiens: they are bad EXCEPT when it comes to overtime + the shootout. also much like the sabres they're going nowhere fast. i expect at least one of their goalies to be gone at the deadline... furthermore i think ppl who are ragging on slaf's slow development are simply expecting all 1OAs to be like an auston or a connor type (pick your connor) where they come in and immediately adapt -- slaf rings very reminiscent of quinton byfield to me, who was picked 2OA in 2020 and is only now starting to break out. give him time he's a baby...

Senators: despite how much literally everyone talks up all their players constantly, they are not good either. like the sabres or the habs... atlantic is 4 teams in the genuine hunt, 3 teams who suck and have sucked forever and will suck forevermore, and the red wings who haven't made up their minds yet. the sens actually Do have a singular Biggest Problem though and that's goaltending, but they're not a good enough team otherwise that getting a quality goaltender is going to make them playoffs worthy, especially not in the very short (this-season) run.

Lightning: the lightning are weird to me because like i think they're still making up their mind as A People what they want to do. kucherov is the best player in the league rn, this is stamkos' ufa season and he hasn't been offered an extension, vasilevskiy is back and vasying his levskiy... i fully believe they have the capability of getting a playoff spot, maybe even A3 if they want. we've all seen them in the playoffs, we know how they can turn ~It~ on at will. as always they're a deeply mid 5v5 team powered by very strong special teams... the goaltending numbers say goaltending is shit but they've been playing in front of the genuinely unplayable jonas johansson most of the season so i think it'll be fine.

Maple Leafs: as the team ive watched the moast i can talk about these guys for evar so for all of our sanities i will be brief: Auston Matthews, Baby, Look At Him, That's Auston, Auston Motherfucking "Sexy Mustached Bitch" Matthews!!!!!!! powered by an extremely strong power play and very good offence, and defence and goaltending that is held together by Morgan Rielly and a dream. possibly the only reason they're in a playoff spot is the fact that martin jones didn't get claimed on waivers three months ago and i am being dead serious about that. for some reason they're at their best when they're down by two. they do really need both their #1 goalie to come back from injury and to make a splash for a genuine nhl-calibre defenceman, but they're stubbornly determined to win games even through nasty flu.

Hurricanes: their usual selves -- analytics darlings, can't buy a goal. this year they can't buy a save either -- Freddie is out with a medical condition, Raanta is straight up not good, and Kochetkov is... well, he's Kochetkov. they're not far out of a spot but they'll need a hot hand if they want to get comfy... which i don't expect, frankly. they're good enough to make the playoffs, but they're not really a team that goes on heaters, so they'll be bubble until the end.

Blue Jackets: genuinely not sure they know what they're doing like... okay. from an outside pov they are obviously Tanking. they're bad in every way that matters except for finishing and the standings show it. but also like... they're at the point in their development cycle where they shouldn't be tanking... or at least are on the verge of Shouldn't Be Tanking. and again, because they don't know what they're doing, they hired mike babcock for this... if they know what they're doing they'll toss kekalainen as soon as they can and, following this year's draft, start Fighting. but let's be real i doubt that. adam fantilli it's your time to shine... sorry sweetheart!

Devils: see Hurricanes. Great on paper, can't buy a save. They've obviously been stunted by Timo, J'accuse, and Nico all being injured at various points, but goaltending is their biggest and most solvable problem. Unlike the Hurricanes, though, the Devils are fully capable of going on a heater, so the gap between them and WC2 isn't as big as it looks (probably.) Luke Hughes is going to be something special.

Rangers: Looks like Lafreniere is finally getting his feet under him -- but the Rangers have always been far more about getting old, known players to get a second wind with them than they've been about prospect development, and Quick and Wheeler are both showing this pretty definitively. Another one of those teams that's run by special teams and finishing/goaltending. Easy playoff spot, likely solid run. Nothing too interesting here.

Islanders: On the other hand, the Isles are interesting because... like... how did they get There? They have a negative goal differential, for heaven's sake! Their special teams are godawful, their defence is a sieve, they blow leads like that's what actually gets you points in this league, and they're somehow second in the Metropolitan??????? Is it Horvat? Barzal? Sorokin? (It's probably Sorokin.) They'll make the playoffs but i doubt they'll succeed in them.

Flyers: This one's also weird. They have the power play and offence of a peewee team in the big leagues, but have become defensively Actually Super Competent and are somehow good because of this? I'm going to theorize -- because you've asked me to but also because I really want to -- that this is due, at least in part, to somewhat of an inverse Kane-on-the-Red-Wings effect from their offseason removal of Provorov and DeAngelo; without them, the team is now not only better defensively on paper but also better as a team in the locker room. They're [uncle voice] playing with heart now! I doubt they're a real contender, but I think they might actually make playoffs.

Penguins: ...this one's also weird. They're good on paper. Like, really good on paper? Defensively "just okay" but offensively great, goaltending is fantastic, special teams are shutdown. They just can't buy a goal and they can't buy a good sequence.

Capitals: This one's weird, too, but in the opposite way -- aside from the power-play, the Caps are actually godawful on paper, especially when it comes to finishing (because when Ovechkin takes such a high percentage of your shots but he isn't scoring, your team REALLY suffers) but somehow they've managed to pinpoint sequencing luck (win close, lose ugly) and are somehow in WC1. Do I think they'll make the playoffs? Absolutely not -- if either the Devils or Canes step up, the Caps are the odd man out -- but it might be fun to see them try. Or hell, I hope they win-close-lose-ugly their way to a goddamn Cup final. Would be funny as fuck for Ovi's second-longest ever playoff run to come at the fresh young age of thirty-eight. Dude looks ragged out there. I'm going to shut up now before I start talking about finding him sexy

Coyotes: Simple on paper: bad at running play, good goaltending and finishing. Essentially what the Canucks are doing at a smaller scale. The Leafs should never have let Kerfoot walk and I mean that unironically. Okay, anyway, the Yotes are a bubble team and won't make higher than WC1 because of the logjam at the top of the Central, but holy fuck do I want them to make WC1 (or a playoff spot in general.) People ask "how can we grow the game" a lot, and when it comes to what the NHL can do directly, the number one biggest thing is win in small markets. Arizona has already created one of the sports' biggest stars -- Auston! -- and it's an absolutely massive TV market and a potential hotbed of new fans and new, great players. Arizona making a playoff spot -- or even better, going on a run -- would be amazing for the NHL. And it would be funny. And I would like that.

Blackhawks: shoutout to dave !!! dave who works for the hawks!!! anyway the hawks are very obviously tanking and good at it. Their only real point of interest is their Sacred Child, and holy fuck is their Sacred Child going to absolutely fucking smash it when he's given a team that's not entirely made up of scrubs. i think his analytics, especially his defensive numbers, are, like, fine? but accounting for his leverage (all situations, especially the difficult ones), his teammates (his best linemate is Anthony Beauvillier, and tito... is a third liner), and the fact that he's all of eighteen, he's definitely on track to be a Real Force. i kinda love him... okay moving on.

Avalanche: All-over good: finishing their biggest obvious strength, but hockeywise they don't have any real weaknesses... although there is some serious Drama brewing in that locker room and i think it might just be getting started. with landeskog gone for at least until the end of this year (and possibly forever) and ej a sabre, there is absolutely no one in there capable of actually emotionally running a team: makar lacking in a leader's magnetism, rantanen an idiot, toews and mackinnon far too high-strung and competitive, and no one else with seniority. they're a good enough team that it's not really affecting them right now, but ... i don't know, i can kind of feel it coming. They'll make the playoffs, but when the pressure is on they'll either step up or completely fall apart.

Stars: See above: all-over good, but saving their biggest obvious weakness. I think most of this is spurred by Otter being out -- Wedgewood is a serviceable backup goaltender, but obviously not capable of being a real starter, and the team is stuttering because of it. I doubt it'll be for long or too much difficulty (they're a good defensive team, so it's not going to affect them a lot, but they might lose a game or two they might have won with Otter, especially if he's out for a while), but it's going to keep them from taking a step on top of the Central. Easy playoff team, probable contender.

Wild: They are bad! Penalty kill is their worst weakness, but they're not great in goal either and the combination is kicking their ass. As much as I respect how well they've done with that giant cap-space penalty from the Parise/Suter buyouts all those years ago, it's... kind of time to throw in the towel. Get Flower those final few wins, because by god are they devoid of much other success. Right at the tail of a competitive arc. RIP. Tank incoming.

Predators: Weirdly good, even though Saros hasn't been his usual self? O'Reilly esp has been an absolutely fantastic addition for the team over the offseason. No huge strengths, no significant weaknesses. Not an amazing offensive team, but it's Nashville so they were never going to be -- the place practically breeds defensive forwards and all-around dmen. I don't expect they'll seriously contend, but they'll make the playoffs (unless someone offers the farm for Saros).

Blues: I genuinely think so little about the Blues .... that whole thing with Jordan Kyrou has been the most I've thought about them for a bit. That and the fact that only three of their games haven't been decided by the first goal? They're not good and they're really boring. Yeehaw.

Jets: THE JETS let's get JUICY. Jets' biggest strengths by far are a) 5v5 defence and b) finishing/goaltending. Even with Kyle Connor out they're sniping and Hellebuyck and Brossoit are both absolutely on it. The Jets have always seemed to have this problem where on paper (take a shot every time I've written "on paper" in this post if you want to die of alcohol poisoning) they seem fantastic, then January onwards they absolutely plummet. And it's not January yet, so that might still happen, but that kind of thing tends to happen because of a dramatic morale shift, and now that Lowry's captain and Wheeler's left for New York... that might not happen? They've banked enough points that unless they're historically bad from here on out they're still a playoff team. If they keep up what they have going so far, they're a contender, but if it's the same Winnipeg with the same problems, then they're not.

Ducks: Taking a step in the right direction with Carlsson and Mintyukov, but still bad! I really hope Carlsson recovers well, he seems like a sweet boy. Also: what on Earth are they doing with Zegras. Is he a defenceman now? Are they making him play defence? Are he and Dixie D'Amelio still dating? I have many questions. I just hope whichever high draft pick they get is an idiot. I feel like they need another dumbass baby on the team.

Flames: The Flames also appear to have no idea what's going on. And frankly, neither do I! They're too good to be obviously tanking, but not near good enough to be a bubble team. They're definitely reluctant to sell, but their best hope to win soon absolutely should be selling. They have one of the worst contracts in the league on their payroll (wow... I hope the guy in charge of my favourite team didn't sign that!) and a bunch of really solid late-round picks and prospects cutting their teeth on the NHL. In short: they aren't going to make the playoffs and should be leaning into that, but they don't seem to have realized this yet.

Oilers: For the sake of not gloating, I'm going to sum this one up with a Marek quote: If you have a goalie, it's 70% of your team. If you don't, it's 100%. They've had finishing trouble, but considering they absolutely run the show at 5v5 AND special teams (they put nearly SIXTY SHOTS on Vasilevskiy the other day) a little finishing shouldn't be quite so dangerous if they didn't have two sieves minding the net. McDavid might hit 150 again and the Oil might still miss the playoffs. If they get in, they're going far, but at this point it'll be tough as fuck to make it in.

Kings: Average penalty kill. No other weaknesses. Kopitar 4 Selke.

Sharks: This is an absolutely glorious tankjob. No other way to put it. This is the pinnacle of tank design. This is the Wayne Gretzky of tankjobs. This is the Casablanca of tankjobs. This is the Saturn V of tankjobs. Nothing has been so beautifully engineered to suck since Sir James Dyson patented his vacuum or Nancy Reagan walked the earth. It's beautiful. It's gorgeous. I am in awe. They deserve Celebrini purely because of how flawless the tank is. I don't care if he has a warm undertone and would look pink in that fantastic teal. The boy needs San Jose.

Kraken: Good defensively at 5v5, bad pretty much everywhere else. I'm going to be honest with you all, last year was kind of a flash in the pan -- Seattle isn't great and they're neither headed upwards nor downwards. Not a bubble team, probably won't pick top ten. They haven't decided whether or not to build up or tank. Beyond the fantastic aesthetics and four-unranked-lines shtick, they don't really have a whole lot of competitive mojo: no star forwards, no goaltending. Wholeheartedly mid.

Canucks: oH BABY!!!!! The 23-24 Canucks made us all learn what PDO is. The 23-24 Canucks are first in the motherfucking league after being one spot out of being in the Bedard lottery. The 23-24 Canucks are on track to have the best shooting and saving percentage in league history. The 23-24 Canucks' leading goalscorer is Brock Boeser, the guy they've almost traded practically every year since they drafted him. The 23-24 Canucks started the season by naming the Wettest Little Man On The Planet captain and they haven't looked back since. I think they're an easy lock for a playoff spot -- but within the playoffs, do I know what they're going to do? I absolutely do not. They could PDO their way to a Cup or they could bow out in four games flat. Either is equally likely. They have thoroughly embraced Good Chaos. Quinn Hughes might win the Hart. Everything's coming up Vancouver.

Golden Knights: Not as good as they were last year. Ultimately still pretty good. Easy playoff spot. Definite contender. Jack Eichel is better than ever and I love him for it, the dickhead.

[saintverse]

"brutus" (11/25/24)

boys and girls like you and me were contrary even in the womb, he says, and i nod. every detail of my life points to something not quite there, a rushed job with minimal effort. i’ve always been the runt of the litter, fighting for nutrients as i’m shoved back by the crawling of my brothers and sisters. in birth i refused to turn and instead begged for the scalpel and the needle. in childhood i screamed and cried as though i was a woman possessed, in need of an exorcism. and as i grew older it only became more obvious that i wasn’t very good at performance. as i approached womanhood, i became the problem child in about five different ways, i balanced precariously on a wire and prayed i wouldn’t fall just yet. i have spent the past eighteen years of my life careening toward an inevitable end. a star that consumes itself in death, an actress found collapsed in the dressing room after one final performance. i have navigated the world as something less than human, something faulty that was beyond fixing, and i have only hoped i would one day find the piece that would make it all fit back into place, and i could be whole for the first time. if you’ve been graced with a place in the world, you might not understand it. but to machines built like me, there is nothing more horrible than the act of not belonging.

and it’s not really fair, he says, that i’m here, because he was here first - and he does a much better job at performing myself than i ever could. i think i might be inclined to agree with him, but i wonder if he’s not better off. he wouldn’t have been strong enough to watch us crash and burn, the shame would have eaten at him until he couldn’t take it anymore. but me? i might be worse at many other things, but i’m quite good at holding to the steady rhythm i’ve long maintained instead of rocking the boat. and i think i do rather enjoy this life i’ve carved for myself, even if he curls his lip in disgust at the mere sight of me. there are a collection of pieces that i like having clenched beneath my fist, and i’m braver than he is in that regard: if he’s here to provide us with dignity, then i’m here to make sure that we stay afloat. he doesn’t like me, and i don’t really think that i like him either, but at least we have damned ourselves to the mutual cause of continuing our careening path.

i’m sure there are much more broken people than you and me, i say, who have cultivated even greater. if stubbornness has kept me here until now, then i will shoulder that horrible grudge until i find out what draws people to this life, and even if i never find out, then at least they will admire my commitment to my pride long after i’m gone from this life. i’m being haunted - in as literal of a sense as a haunting can get - by a version of myself that wanted so much greater for us. my answers aren’t enough for him, he’s as stubborn as i. but i don’t really pay him much mind anymore. he can grit his teeth and lie in wait, hoping to reach the time when he’s once again needed more than i. and in the meantime, i will continue with my stubborn grip, and i won’t let the perfect machines sneer at the likes of us. i will tell them my brokenness is far more authentic than their functionality will ever be, and they will envy me, and i will wait. my brother will wait, and i will wait for him, too.

[keldae]

Illiteracy

One would think that, in the wilderness, Devi's lack of formal education wouldn't be a subject that would come up. One would be wrong for thinking so. Or: Gale is appalled that someone from a civilized society like Baldur's Gate never went to school or learned how to read properly. He decides he's going to fix this.

It was only the first full day after the nightmare had begun. How had it only been yesterday that Devi, along with so many other people, had been plucked out of her life in Baldur’s Gate by mindflayers, had a tadpole shoved in her eye, gone through Hell (literally), and wound up waking up on a beach in the middle of nowhere? And now she was traipsing through the ruins of some ancient temple that had been taken over by a smuggling ring, with the half-Elf she had encountered on the nautiloid (who was being particularly cagey about whatever object she had retrieved from her pod on said nautiloid), and a knife-happy Elf, and a wizard who’d had to be yanked out of his own portal.

No one back home will ever believe this, Devi thought to herself. Even though she had lived through the last twenty-four hours and gone through this ordeal, she still didn’t fully believe what was happening to her.

In the dim light, broken only by a few torches, she squinted at the piles of books in this chamber underneath the ruined temple. A lot of them had to have been brought in by the now-deceased smugglers – the books were in surprisingly good shape. Approaching one altar on the side of the chamber, she selected a book at random, squinting at the letters adorning the front cover. “The… the c-curse of the… of the…” She scowled at the last word of the title, unable to make heads or tails of it.

She heard footsteps behind her before Gale’s voice spoke as he read over her shoulder. “Ah, The Curse of the Vampyre . An older work, but one still sadly relevant in these tumultuous times.” He took the book from Devi’s hand, gently brushing dust off the cover. “And it looks to be a first edition, too.”

“Huh. I wonder if vampires are a common problem around here,” Shadowheart mused.

“I’ve heard there’s more than a few of the bitey bastards in Baldur’s Gate,” Devi commented. “Robbed a man once that I swear must have been one.”

“If it was a real vampire, you would be dead or turned, yourself,” Astarion sneered. “Not that I have personal experience with them, of course, but I’ve heard stories.”

“First, it’s bold of you to assume that I’d get caught,” Devi retorted, scowling at the pale Elf. “Second, I run fast, and I know about every shortcut in the Lower City!”

“I believe you,” Gale quickly said as he stashed the book in his satchel, raising his hands placatingly at Devi and Astarion. “I don’t need intimate familiarity with you to know that you’re fast and stealthy, Deviali.”

“I told you to call me Devi,” the thief grumbled at the wizard.

“My apologies, Devi.” Clearly trying to get the conversation back on stable ground, Gale looked back at the books. “What else is there on that shelf?”

“Ummm…” Turning her attention back to the books, Devi picked up another volume, frowning at the title. “Uhh… The… the unnn… shit. Umm…”

“... Do you…” Gale hesitated. “... Do you not know how to read? ”

Read the rest on AO3

[juliaaa420]

Couple of thoughts on Life is Strange: Double Exposure, though this post is mostly just my interpretation of the “Sacrifice Arcadia Bay” ending. I’ve finished the first episode of LiS: DE (going to play more soon), so any spoilers here are only about the first part of the game. I actually already have so much (bad things) to say, but this one is about Chloe and Max

Although I love Chloe (she’s literally my highest kin of all time, lmao) and always chose the ending where she lives, I get the other one. It’s logical, it’s rational, Chloe even wants it herself (after all, it was her idea that Max goes back in time and lets her die). The Bay ending seems just normal. But that’s also what makes me love the Bae ending even more.

Chloe always seemed like an egocentric, irrational, and selfish character, while Max is the opposite. Max is altruistic and calm, the whole game is about how different people are and how Max tries to help them all. The only thing Chloe and Max have in common is their past. They are united by shared memories, that’s why they get along. But the thing is, that in the Bae ending they switch sides. Now Chloe is thinking about other people and Max is thinking about herself. Chloe wants Max to save the city, Max wants to be with her best friend/love interest (whatever you choose).

I also believe Max choosing Chloe over the city has something to do with a feeling of guilt after ghosting Chloe through her worst period of life. I feel like this ending is paradoxically about redemption. “Paradoxically” because Max sacrifices the whole city just to save one girl, which is not really morally correct, but she does show that now she will never leave Chloe. The ending is about a promise. The promise to stay together and never part.

But there’re also a couple of things that make this ending more bitter (not considering sacrificing the whole city, lol). Even though Chloe is alive, her feeling of not being worthy just triples.

We can already see that Chloe often thinks that she doesn’t deserve things, it’s a constant feeling in “Before the Storm”, it’s an expected emotion after William’s death, hell, she has the same damn problem in alternative universe, where she’s disabled and dying. Her parents pray for even a minute of her life and are ready to do anything for it, but she can’t feel grateful, the only thing she feels is guilt and shame, like she’s a dead weight and only brings more pain. It was Max telling her otherwise.

And with this kept in mind, just imagine how she would feel when Max decides that she is, in fact, more worthy. Imagine how painful and terrifying this would be for Chloe. Feeling that for someone you’re worth more than every single life in this city, while your own self-value is at the lowest.

I’m sure that after the Bae ending Chloe thinks about this every day. The worst part is that it wasn’t even her choice. Chloe was absolutely ready to die (again, the Bay ending is her idea) at that point, it was Max making the call. It’s both painful and beautiful. In the Bae ending Max is showing Chloe that she can be loved, valued, and cared for.

So, what happens to this philosophy in the new game? They part ways. Great. Thank you, Deck Nine. You absolutely ruined the whole idea of the first game.

I thought they just made the Bay ending canon, but oh man, now I wish they did. I was unfortunate enough to read Max and Chloe’s text messages, this is just painful for me. You’ll wanna sit down: now Max is blaming Chloe for not thinking about the dead people enough.

Yeah. You read that right.

Max sacrificed the whole city, a lot of people died, and now she’s blaming Chloe for wanting to move on and start a new life together. But what are you supposed to do in this situation? You can’t fix it, you can’t go back (well, you can, but the ending is literally about just not wanting to), you can’t resurrect the dead. Chloe has already gone through a similar trauma: death of a loved one is the situation you are unable to influence. All you can do now is try to build a better future, try to appreciate what’s left. And now Max and Chloe need each other most of all. It’s a new shared memory, a depressing one, too. As I said, the Bae ending is about never parting again.

The most irritating part of it is how Chloe has absolutely nothing to do in this situation. New Max pulled so much weight on Chloe’s shoulders and now is rubbing salt on the wound. Chloe definitely still feels like she doesn’t deserve all of this, and Max is literally telling her that. It’s so not Max. Max wouldn’t be like that at all. This is a contradiction to the first part of the series.

So, final thought — I will pretend like this game doesn’t exist. Or it’s about some different Max and some different Chloe that have nothing to do with Life is Strange franchise

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[balketh]

Third game of our new first-ever PF2e Campaign: Oblivion Deep.

(I don't recap every sesh/post heaps about it, but I've tagged it uniquely if you wanna mute~)

I'm a player; custom setting of DM's design, second campaign in this world. First campaign was 5+ years in 5e, ended with my Warforged Arcana Cleric accelerating the heat death collapse of the known universe while outside it, so he could use the unlimited potential of the early magic of the new empty universe that appeared in its place to bring the old universe from the past forward, but with a few slight alterations to how Time and Entropy work. (He a thousands-strong spies'-murmur Simulacrum hivemind user - he was literally starting to see the limitations of the universe, always contained within six second intervals. He was starting to see the Ruleset as the underlying problem of the whole setting, and so his end goal was to change it. And he did. To PF2e.) In our current game, I'm playing a Kashrishi (short psychic crystalhorn rhinoman, cool as SHIT) Alch Studies Investigator. Real sherlocky/batmany type. We've been dumped out of the playable intro cutscene - our trial-at-sea ship being attacked by a kraken, after we managed to successfully exonerate ourselves, no less - and murdering the crew trying to steal the lifeboat... So we could take it ourselves.

We were dumped out of this onto what I'm now guessing is the Tutorial Island Dungeon - an island wreathed in shadow, a world plot connected situation that we cannot easily escape from, and likely must solve to handle.

But I say tutorial island dungeon, because, so far, the two games we've spent on this island have been:

grappling with the very powerful but woefully inconsistently designed FoundryVTT (some things: drag and drop, works every time, flawless. others, of the same complexity: you need three modules and a custom bit of code and even then, it's only 80% of the desired solution.) Today it proved its worth by letting us undo a hugely misinterpreted enemy ability that was ruining the fight

we have mananged to kill 1 (one) grippli archer. This would have gone much better (and did, after fixing), if the DM hadn't been using its special multi-attack ability without any Multi-attack Penalty. One of us was still downed, in spite of that.

Rolling like absolute dogshit. I, rolling with +8 at level 1, have only hit, I think, one target, once. If it weren't for the benefit (and sometimes strong drawback) of Devise a Stratagem basically letting me 'preroll and decide' before wasting my attack action, I'd have been the most useless- oh, wait, I have been the most useless member of the party in combat so far; I've literally critically failed MOST of my attempted non-attack combat actions. I think the FoundryVTT roller just hates me.

It's taking a LOT of getting used to; we're definitely improving, but we're still very much in the run-up-and-attack mindset of 5e, and it shows, because a single grippli archer was such a fucking problem for us.

Ugh. Ah well. We actually started getting somewhere, so, things are looking up.

Can't wait to get out of this fucking Shadow darkness, though. Only one member of our party has Darkvision. Shit suuuuuucks.

[iridescentoracle]

The Klavier Problems Post

so. i talked about a bunch of things in that post i made earlier about how to fix apollo justice (the game though also the character) including all the little things i would do but the two big changes i think are needed to fundamentally fix this game are 1) making apollo’s inscrutable asshole mentor a separate character from phoenix wright 2) make klavier gavin an actual goddamn person.

and i talked about #1 at length last time, so here’s the post about #2.

so, klavier gavin. i keep trying to come up with metaphors that don’t feel too clunky to actually use in a sentence and not being satisfied but to me he is several pieces of cardboard lovingly painted and assembled to make roughly half the shape of a person, held together by three staples and a prayer. what’s there is great! it’s just. not an entire character.

conceptually he’s fantastic. an actually nice and helpful prosecutor? WILD. absolute galaxy brain development. who knew you could have one of those. an apparently nice and helpful prosecutor who has ties to the game’s main villain and so might be playing the long game, leaving the audience and potentially protagonist suspicious and unsettled the whole time, only to eventually prove himself genuinely a good person when things get desperate? excellent twisty fun, and provides obvious and delightful room for things to get interesting and complex.

and even in practice, there’s parts of that that are genuinely executed well! there’s at least a half-dozen points over the course of 4-2 and 4-3 where he clearly knows what’s really going on and gives apollo the opportunity to figure it out/prove it when he could’ve just gone for an easy win. he actually plays way more fair than literally any other prosecutor so far up to and including edgeworth in the matt engarde case! he’s way more forthcoming with info during investigation segments than anyone else would’ve been, both directly and by providing access to crime scenes apollo was otherwise blocked from, and i swear during the first trial especially he, like, hand-fed apollo the win. that’s FASCINATING and so so different from anything we’ve seen before, i love it.

the problem is… kind of the everything else? or like, that there isn’t anything else. he’s set up to be this massively complex character who actually has by far the most difficult/horrible time over the course of the game, and the writers just… forgot to actually put the complexity in.

he’s got all the pieces of an amazing character—this consummate performer who’s always putting on a show, perpetually performing who he wants to be and how he wants his audience to see him, hiding his true feelings from everyone around him, that’s great, that’s always a good time. someone genuinely good-hearted and honest who truly believes in justice and doing the right thing and playing fair so sincerely and completely that they can’t even see that the people they love are secretly evil? again, that’s great! i love that! that’s so compelling!!

but like. [padme amidala meme voice] okay so he’s a consummate performer who hides all his feelings. he does have actual feelings, though, right? okay so he’s genuinely sincerely good and honest and kind and would pick justice and truth over letting his loved ones get away with murder if forced to make that choice? again, he does have feelings about that, though, right? that’s not an easy choice to make?

and while i do love the introduction of a prosecutor who plays fair and is nice and friendly instead of [literally every other prosecutor in the entire series both before and after this game], it’s really fucking weird how chill he is about interacting with apollo and trucy. like. really fucking weird. why are they all so normal about each other? why is klavier so chill about helping his brother’s ex-employee who proved his brother was a murderer and the daughter of the man his brother framed for said murder? like. even if he’s all Professional™ to the point of managing to hide whatever he must be feeling just about his brother being a convicted murderer, how how HOW is he so normal whenever he’s interacting with apollo and trucy. it’s WEIRD it should be SO WEIRD where is the tension??

even more weirdly, why isn’t apollo weird about interacting with klavier gavin, in turn? even if we want to assume klavier is Just That Good at maintaining his persona, apollo is not a professional musician and doesn’t seem like a very good actor. he should feel extremely weird about this guy and he just… does not seem to. for that matter, trucy should feel weird too! that doesn’t need to be something the game actually digs into, it could be implied in passing that she’s also doing the performance thing and hiding all her actual emotions in favor of showing a carefully crafted persona to the world and that she only shows what she’s actually feeling to phoenix, in private, but NOPE not even vague implications in that direction really, she’s just. actually totally normal around klavier gavin and is a huge fan of the gavinners somehow??

but the weirdness (or rather, baffling lack thereof) doesn’t end with apollo and trucy.

again, not wanting to talk about/show how he feels about his brother for most of the game totally makes sense, he’s a consummate performer with a well-practiced facade etc etc, he isn’t even in 4-1 so by the time we meet him he’s already had time to practice being His Normal Professional Self. he’s got this. in my hypothetical rewrite he’s got this slightly less around apollo and trucy specifically because of their very specific personal connections but if we hear him talking to ema or to other people he’s definitely got this.

but in canon he literally finds out during a trial that one of his bandmates/good friends is also a murderer and a smuggler and was the one responsible for setting his guitar on fire which he was SUPER upset about earlier in the case, and his reaction to daryan’s confession is… playing air guitar and saying “you’re not in the band anymore btw.” there’s a couple minutes in the last case where he’s like “oh shit my brother committed a LOT more crimes than i thought actually” before he goes back to not caring. like, setting aside his expression bc limited number of sprites etc etc, based specifically on the actual dialogue he’s clearly distressed about the possibility of kristoph having been responsible for poisoning vera, apollo openly says “but you clearly think it is possible,” and then klavier is like “eh fuck it, i knew something awful was going on, yeah let’s make my brother testify” and… that’s it. air guitar time. kristoph spends half his time on the stand insulting/manipulating klavier/attempting to undermine klavier’s confidence in himself and it’s clearly working! until suddenly klavier’s like “haha yeah no it’s all good.” in the credits scene he compares the trial in which he found out his brother had attempted to kill at least three different people and he himself was partially complicit in kristoph being convicted, positively, to a rock concert.

like. there’s maintaining a professional facade and then there’s that.

he deserves to be so goddamn compelling. but like. in practice he’s not even a person. why doesn’t he CARE. why doesn’t he care kristoph is a murderer. why doesn’t he care apollo proved it. why doesn’t he care daryan is a murderer. why doesn’t he care kristoph is a murderer again, and also forged evidence and used klavier to ruin someone’s career and presumably would’ve used the forged evidence himself to win under false pretenses in klavier’s first case if he had the chance and and and. why doesn’t he care in the next game that his mentor got murdered. let him be a person with interiority i am begging.

but like. this is what i keep coming back to. i could fix it. i could fix him. not in the “oh i could fix him” generally-dating-related sense. more like the opposite of that actually. i could make him psychologically MUCH worse. but as a character he would actually be good.

it should’ve been such an amazing dramatic reveal/twist in the last case when the scope of kristoph gavin’s crimes begin to be revealed and klavier stays true. all game, he’s too nice and too helpful and apollo and trucy feel more than a little awkward interacting with him even though he’s always perfectly polite to them despite little hints of something darker underneath, moments when his perfect facade falters. he should keep apollo/the player off balance and unsure what to think of him, and we should suspect that he’s just as bad as kristoph but playing the long game even better.

and we get to the final case and realize kristoph gavin has been behind everything and at first klavier acts like he doesn’t believe it, and we brace ourselves for klavier to show his true colors and push the judge to end cross-examination and let kristoph get off scot-free even though we know he’s behind everything and we know klavier knows—

and then he doesn’t.

he hasn’t known all along, he wasn’t in on it, he’d adamantly repressed any suspicions he’d had all those years—so the gradual reveal that kristoph was behind everything is completely devastating, not least because he has to learn and process it all on the stand in front of everyone (not least both apollo and kristoph himself), and so the evidence builds, and finally, klavier has a whole entire breakdown of his own, that’s if anything longer and more dramatic than kristoph’s

and then he collects himself, and he apologizes, and he helps us win the case.

like

that would be

so goddamn compelling

and i genuinely don’t understand why that’s not what the game gave us. we were so close to getting that, why did he just brush it off? why didn’t he care?

so in the secret good version in my head, that’s what happens.

there should be differences in how he’s written outside the courtroom, too, though. like i said before, in canon, apollo-and-klavier and trucy-and-klavier should feel extremely fucking weird about interacting with each other and be varying levels of good at hiding it but none of them should be perfect, and i think it’s a major writing/characterization flaw that none of that is true. in this version, though, the situation is a little different: trucy could still potentially be a little weird around klavier gavin bc he’s kind of part of why her original dad abandoned her (and vice versa), but she doesn’t actually have to be.

because here’s the thing: in this au, klavier hasn’t done anything to phoenix at all except (if he didn’t take the whole seven years off for his band—which, given that he did still get someone disbarred thanks to his brother’s tip and probably still had weird feelings to repress about that, he might have!) potentially face him sometimes in court (where, as in canon, he’s an entirely fair and reasonable opponent who doesn’t resort to anything beyond lighthearted insults and is an extremely graceful loser, and in general is an absolutely delightful change of pace from the paynes or who-have-you), and while he is part of why trucy’s original dad left, that was as much (as far as she knows) the fault of shadi’s defense attorney for forging evidence instead of proving him innocent fair and square, and if her dad had actually cared he could’ve come back for her eventually, so while she probably isn’t sure about klavier right at first regardless, i think it would be plausible for her to not have any sort of a grudge by the time the game actually happens?

conversely, though, if phoenix stays a defense attorney he and edgeworth definitely get married within, like, a year, tops. so while trucy might not be weird about klavier, at least by the time the plot of the game kicks off, he’s kind of nervous around her, just like. not bc of the zak gramarye trial. because one of her dads is his boss.

but then that just makes any conversation trucy-and-apollo have with klavier that much more fun bc as far as trucy’s concerned, here’s that cool prosecutor who’s one of the nicest people she knows from her dads’ jobs! while klavier is slightly terrified but in a normal polite kind of way, and meanwhile trucy and apollo have their canon pseudo-siblings-because-they-don’t-know-they’re-biological-siblings dynamic, and finally klavier and apollo interacting is every bit as fucked up and tense as they should be about each other in canon bc oh my god you’re why my brother was exposed as a murderer and got sent to jail / oh god you’re my evil ex-boss’s younger brother, and how the hell do you talk to someone like that? because that’s what their dynamic should have been in canon and frankly we were robbed

nyquildriver: klavier being polite and helpful but obviously taken off guard frequently by these two would be so entertaining nyquildriver: it gives us the tension that we want while not being like, bizarre about it and resorting to like. flirtation? that feels weirdly like pandering nyquildriver: although klavier disguising his uneasiness with flirtation? that would be an interesting choice iridescentoracle: YES i actually love the idea of klavier flirting reflexively as like. a defense mechanism. when he’s stressed and doesn’t know how to respond he leans harder into the rockstar persona which includes flirting with everyone whether he remotely means it or not. it fits into what we do see of klavier in canon so well but like. turns him into more of a real person?

nyquildriver: honestly the pieces are there! they just didn't arrange them into a complete picture of a person, argh nyquildriver: after their first meeting apollo: what the fuck was that trucy: was he… into you? apollo: I don't think he was, which is why that was weird as hell??? nyquildriver: trucy's favorite running joke now is klavier flirting with apollo like he's a fan nyquildriver: she buys gavinners merch to plant on apollo/his things on the off chance that klavier sees it because the reaction should be hysterical nyquildriver: and that is worth giving up her allowance for however many years

iridescentoracle: god. and the like, deeply comedic irony that of literally everyone in the world who he could have this awkward and specific a relationship with, it just happens to be the one guy who can tell he absolutely does not actually mean the flirting and is perpetually accompanied by his sister who can also tell iridescentoracle: like, if apollo was ANYONE ELSE he might be able to actually pull off using Flirty Rockstar Klavier Gavin as a façade to get through interactions convincingly normally. but unfortunately, nyquildriver: and it would be a great way to keep the player off guard and suspicious of him too!

[randomly--accessed--memories]

Another idea for an ending where things become both better and worse for Vox: he recovers completely in a very short amount of time for whatever reason after 5 or 6 years, like over the course of a week or from one day to the next. Only problem is he doesn't remember anything about those couple of years. For him, he was living his normal life, had a fight with Alastor and then blank. Nothing until he "wakes up again" five years down the line in his room with most furniture gone. The other Vees try to hide what happened for a bit but you can't really hide something like this from the guy who specializes in surveillance. I don't think Vox could deal with that kind of "betrayal"/deception but he also doesn't have all of that power that he's amassed anymore so he can't really kick them out. Incredibly uncomfortable situation for everyone involved. Vox refuses to engage with Val and Vel who are on one hand happy to have him back but on the other hand not sure how to fix this. If they give Vox his souls back he might just go for the kill but if they don't there's no fixing any of this.

Extra points for Alastor coming back in the middle of this to see that literally every single point of his plan failed

Interesting. I'm not sure why Vox would be angry at Val and Vel though. Any sort of deception they attempted would be discovered so quickly that it would barely matter. Vox would probably be more caught up in "Why Did You Do All That For Me/Why Didn't You Just Kill Me?" imo. It's incredibly awkward because Val and Vel don't really have an answer for him (at least not one that they'll all accept).

They're all ready for things to go back to normal but, uh. that's not going to happen. So much has changed over the past several years; Valentino and Velvette can't just shrug off the trauma of what happened, and even if he can't remember it, simply knowing (and possibly seeing security footage) of the state he was in is enough to have Vox acting irritable and defensive. Everyone looks at him like he's a bomb about to go off when he's not?? He's fine! He's himself! Why can't they all just move on?!

Alastor's in for a rude awakening when he comes back and suddenly has all three Vees gunning for his head on a pike.

[spotsupstuff]

Ooh, super interested in what happened to your Sun and why he went from lying to himself to becoming an apathetic brick wall lol

well! Suns was always an apathetic brick wall. because of a design flaw. Moon has already talked about this in one of the questions we've answered:

the Iterator design evolved by the process of eliminating "redundant" things, with only their capability of figuring out the Great Problem taking priority. quite literal case of putting the evolution points into a singular specialization because of outside guidance

Gen 1s are chunky and tall as they are because they physically (with their puppets) interacted with the Ancients often- either because check ups and fixing things was often required since they were the experimental Generation OR for the sake of things like school/educational trips (citizens of Gen 3s would have road trips to Gen 1s rather than visiting their own iterators). and we end up with the lanky spiky Gen 3 design thanks to this process of elimination

the official jump from Gen 1 to Gen 2 was a BIG thing. different Gen happens when a LOT of things are eliminated to the point that the base design is more cumbersome and therefore it gets revamp to fit the systems better. the jump to Gen 2 wasn't.... the smoothest one

on a physical level everything had gone absolutely swimmingly. but some dumbfuck from the big designer/engineer/programmer team fucked up n accidentally removed the One thing that ensured the Iterators could experience emotions as fully and broadly as a normal organic. and so early Gen 2s have the reputation of being incredibly dull concerning emotional matters (some were a bit spared of this when someone from the construction team on-site noticed the flaw)

this was resolved within the same Generation and pretty quickly by reverse engineering the parts of Gen 1s that made them so capable of this. NSH specifically was very influencial in this research because, for some reason nobody could ever figure out, he was more emotion capable than most of Gen 1s (this fact got boosted cuz the reverse engineering then turned into Enhancing so they could see how far they could possibly take this. NSH does the Iterator equivalent of crying when watching movies Every Time GUARANTEED)

i already have this on hand, so here's Fish (early Gen 2) and Euros (mid Gen 2) for comparison

poor bastard Seven Red Suns drew the shortest stick possible with this design flaw n has absolutely Minimal emotional understanding and capability

the Terrible thing about this is that they are Aware of this flaw of theirs and what little spark of emotion they can surrect within themselves they dedicate to either mourning or hating it. that's the subject of their depressive "pondering" in this pic

they are *trying* so hard to have emotions and feelings. they often force fake ones into their voice and it's painfully apparent cuz they always put their all into it, no subtlety about it

the pain there is faked. they know what sounding pained means to other people, so they force their voice into such form to show to Spears that they didn't mean to be so blind to its capabilities of being a feeling, comprehending creature

their ruse of charm was put in place to make themselves... well, maybe not Feel exactly but you know what i mean- to seem better, i guess. so the other Iterators would love them, so the children wouldn't be so scared of their apparent coldness, so they wouldn't hurt anyone around them because harming people will make them go away and Suns doesn't want to be lonely and Needs other people if he wants to solve the Great Problem. more heads more smarts. "look at me, i'm alright! i feel alright! i am Well! i am happy!" and if i say that to myself enough it will Have to become true

like all Gen 1 n Gen 2 Iterators could tell they were bullshitting, though. they appreciated the effort though so most of the group accepted Suns either way. Gen 3s did not recognize it so much- that's how Pebbles ended up as their mentee rather than Moon's (as he was honestly set up to be, which just made him Not Want To take Moon on as his mentor) or some other Gen 1's (Gen 3s often search for mentors cuz there's a lot of things to catch up on in the research at this point- they often go for Gen 1s cuz naturally they have the most knowledge at hand. Innocence, for example, is Nish's mentee!!! she's his shitty little student, he wants to bonk her So much for bein disrespectful to everyone and he loves her with his entire fuckin being. his lil fucklet...)

this ruse starts to slowly slip past Suns' fingers some years after the Ancients' mass ascension. the longer the searching for solution drags on the more Iterators start giving up, becoming desperate, negative, ...insane... Suns gets affected by both the time and everyone else around them. the ruse doesn't MATTER anymore, because everyone is damaged in SOME way at some point. everyone is a little or a lot broken, what is so bad about their flaws at This point- nobody gives a shit and they sure as fuck don't have the emotional power to give a singular fuck in the first place so why not... just let go of that if it isn't so required anymore...

and so they become an apathetic brick wall openly to the whole world, "shedding" their lies, prioritizing logic and goal chasing over others' feelings and importance of the present

that's how we got here in my take on RW

Suns is fucked up, man

[mixterglacia]

CONTENT WARNING

VIVZIEPOP CRITICAL/STOLITZ CRITICAL BELOW THE CUT

You have been warned.

I wanna clear some things up before I get to the episode. (Yes I will clarify when I get into the ep itself.)

Stolitz in and of itself isn't the issue. Them being toxic, or messy isn't actually a problem. In fact, that can make for very interesting characters.

If you actually put in the effort to do so.

Currently as it stands, they're just a lukewarm, half-thought out, sad microwaved piece of steak. They were once a very satisfying meal. They could POTENTIALLY get back to that point. But you have to treat them right.

My biggest issue with these two is how easy they are to fix. Or rather, how easy they could be. I actually don't hate the idea of them together, I just hate how they're executed.

Here's a few things I would have done, and the problems I have with the current state of things.

One, make it like an addiction. I often jab at Stolas being the architect of his own undoing, but...the biggest risk he's taken has already happened. He's gone through with the divorce. As the child of one, they suck but to put it bluntly, Stolas has lost practically nothing.

If he were risking being disowned, that would be one thing. But you've given no indication that he's dealing with anything short of normal problems. Royalty has to deal with assassination attempts already, so Stella trying to take him out is just a Tuesday for him. (In fact, that would be a very funny potential running gag. "Ugh, Stella you really think I would fall for this? You know I have royal bomb sniffers. Try harder, you witch!")

Instead, make it so he and Blitz never had any real reason to keep getting together. Make it so SO easy for them to get over each other. No matter how many 'last times' they have. It's never going to be enough.

Their motives can be different, sure that's great. Blitz started it in a very shallow way, and Stolas craves the relationship he's always wanted. I agree with you, that's an interesting start.

But the book bribery just makes anything in this whole deal lack a punch. Blitz CAN'T get out of this. He has an entire team, one of which is his daughter to support. He literally couldn't get out of this if he wanted to. He likely still thinks the gem is some sort of trick. Like it's a test.

Instead of what it should be. A deep, unavoidable NEED. Something so addicting that they can't stop. They keep falling together, Blitz clearly struggling with his burgeoning desire to stay. Stolas with his clear understanding that he's going to destroy his daughters life.

Because as it stands, it's painfully boring. We've seen plenty of royals hooking up with servants. And that's what Blitz is/was for the grand majority of this. He was that vision he had. A man on a chain, unable to get away from this rich bastard because he NEEDED his magic.

Give me substance. Give me two deeply flawed men finding comfort in their own ruination. Give Stolas more stake in the game. Make his life well and truly fall apart because he just can't stay away, even though it's as easy as breathing.

Because at the end of the day, Viv and Co can't decide what they want. Do they want us to believe that Blitz wants this too? Because I sincerely haven't seen evidence of it.

There is a difference between showing and telling.

You're SHOWING us that Blitz is desperate to keep what little he has afloat. You're SHOWING us a struggling father who's grasping at every little moment to keep his adopted daughter and two employees fed. You're SHOWING us a man so driven to carve out a niche for himself that he'll subject himself to being a prince's dick for hire.

You're TELLING us that he's growing feelings for Stolas. You're TELLING us he's just as wrong as Stolas is.

Blitz is wrong about MANY things, but this isn't one of them.

You're SHOWING us Stolas is constantly demeaning Blitz. You're SHOWING us he's just moping around his big fuck off castle, not putting in more than the bare minimum for his daughter. You're SHOWING us that he's a petulant toddler in a grown man's body. You're SHOWING us that Stolas has allowed Blitz and his daughter to live in abject poverty this whole time.

You TRIED to show us that he's actually got some level of feelings below all that, but you keep throwing the sincerity of that into question.

You're TELLING us that he's always held him in such high regard/value. You're TELLING us to feel bad when he's arguably worse of an asshole than Blitz.

Give us real character development. Not rushed one-liners that are often so hard to tell if they're genuine or not.

My big issue with the Helluverse in general, but ESPECIALLY Boss, is that the team is so obsessed with getting to the juicy bits that they DON'T PUT IN THE EFFORT TO GET THERE. This isn't a telenovela. This is a early 2000's drabble fic pretending to be a plot.

Your work lacks any true substance. It's EMBARRASSING. You're letting your fans do all the work for you and hardly putting forth any quality writing yourself.

You need to stop CONSTANTLY contradicting yourself.

They're both often in the wrong, that much is true. I won't ever argue that. But I am dreading how this episode is going to shit on Blitz when he was ABSOLUTELY JUSTIFIED FOR WHAT HE SAID TO STOLAS.

Okay, let's get into this crap.

Let me start by saying this. Viv and Co? If you're going to try and gaslight me, at least make it fun. Or less obvious.

Why is it bad when Blitz says he wants to earn his ticket to earth? He so SO clearly thinks this is just a test by Stolas. It's so plainly obvious that they never communicate, and why are we pretending Blitz has no right to be mad here? Sure Stolas got hurt, but how is that anything other than his own fault?

Blitz has NEVER pretended he was anything other than a booty call for Stolas. It really REALLY isn't his problem that he didn't recognize that.

"We don't do words. We do sex." There we have it folks.

You can't make me feel bad for Stolas over this. He made a deal with a man who NEEDED him to keep his company running. Why should Blitz have to grow feelings for a man that never wanted more than his body?

“Everyone just hates me for shitty reasons.” This is the line that makes Stolas look like a total dickwad. EVERYONE else (from what we know) has genuine, valid problems with Blitz. Stolas just misunderstood him and is mad that he couldn’t coerce this man into being in a relationship. Why should I feel bad that Blitz ripped into him?

You’re SHOWING me Stolas is throwing a tantrum. Then you’re TELLING me to be mad at Blitz? Fucking why? He’s RIGHT.

“I don’t look down on you!” FUCKING PROVE IT. You’ve made literally no effort outside of some throw away lines to show that he actually cares. Everything he’s after from Blitz is sex. He never gives any hints that he wants more until he explodes. He’s always baby talking him and treating him like a toy. You are SHOWING us something totally at odds with what you’re TELLING us.

Why is Stolas acting like Blitz didn’t send M’n’M to save him? Why is he acting like Blitz wasn’t literally in another ring of Hell during this? Blitz was literally doing all he could in that moment, because NEWS FLASH YOU IDIOT! He was being a good dad and taking care of his daughter! Take notes!

I’m getting very concerned that there’s no continuity editor. Because this was either an intentional misrepresentation of the truth on Stolas’ part, (which if that was the case, he’s even more of a prick.) or they just forgot their own show!

Stolas is crying about showing Blitz so much attention and time and care. WHERE? Is it between the sex and hired jobs? When are they spending quality time together? Sex. Is not. A relationship. Blitz was never putting up signals that he wanted anything more, he is not in the wrong here.

I know damn well Stolas isn’t out here asking Blitz if he feels remorse. DO YOU? I refuse to be gaslit into thinking that Stolas isn’t the problem here. Blitz is totally justified when he shouts that he doesn’t owe Stolas anything. He doesn’t. He never signed up to be in a relationship. He’s functionally just doing his job.

The mini-apology tour was actually quite fun. Especially the humans. Good job.

I’m also somewhat confused why the party was held on Earth. At first I thought it was because the others didn’t know Blitz had the crystal, so they did it in a place he couldn’t go. That would have been a pretty decent stroke of writing on their part. But then they said it was the one night any of them could go through? Why bother with Earth? It just seems kinda pointless? If I’m missing some narrative reason, feel free to let me know.

Honestly the one shining star of this episode is Verosika. She was BRILLIANT. I wasn’t anticipating how much I was going to enjoy her writing. She’s going out of her way to basically give these folks a night to let their hurt out once a year, at her own expense. She’s functionally holding a group therapy session. I really adored that nuance.

Unfortunately, it all just makes Stolas look so much worse. These people were wronged by Blitz. Deeply, truly wronged. (Though how he can cause this much damage in what, like thirty, thirty five years is a lil…weird. Unless she’s just inviting everyone he’s slept with.) Compared to them, Stolas looks like a petty ass.

I’m really not that mad at the song, but more so how she’s trying to make us feel about it. Everything Stolas is saying is more or less true. He’s the one that misinterpreted what they had. He’s the one trying to get this man who never showed any actual interest. He’s the problem. But every time you give us a moment of introspection, you then use it as fuel to try and force us to feel bad for Stolas. For once in this show’s life, can we actually let someone be mad at Stolas and not use it for a future pity party?

He is not the victim in all of this.

While Blitz is an undeniable asshole, he’s not the one that asked for this. He made a desperate deal to try and survive. Never once did he pretend to be anything outside of that. Do you seriously expect me to believe this song is what would make him go “oh no i hurt him im a meanie”?

This would GALVANIZE him. “Fuck this royal bird for pretending I’m such a bad person. Like he wasn’t playing with me like a toy.”

Why should we pretend that this apology/confession isn’t totally out of left field? The only one I wanted to say sorry to was you? He wouldn’t fucking say that! He had what, an afternoon of fake sorries and this is the one he actually wants to give? No!

It feels cheap and rushed. While the sequence is decently written (and very well acted, kudos Brandon) out of contex, it feels stupid when you look at the show as a whole. Especially when you follow it up with Stolas directly stating he just wants SOMEONE to be with. He doesn’t want Blitz. He just wants someone that isn’t obligated to be with him. So why does that have to be Blitz? Why are you forcing this relationship when you directly clarify that Stolas isn’t even after Blitz in particular?

I’m sorry but you all have ship-blinders on.

When you take them off and look at everything in the grand scheme of things, it doesn’t work. And that’s okay! It’s honestly fine to let a relationship end! They can be a step on each other’s journeys and there’s nothing wrong with that. I truly don’t get why they’re pushing for this to be the end goal when there’s far more weight in letting them move on. Honestly it’d be refreshing to see them tackle it in such a way!

But that’s the problem I mentioned with Viv and Co’s writing before. They excel in drabbles. But when you try to make a show out of drabbles, it falls apart eventually. The narrative doesn’t flow. The characters are all over the place. It makes it all the more infuriating when you get moments like the balcony sequence.

Gods that started so strong. It was so SO well done.

Then you shoot it in the foot by once again trying to force this boring, broken ship down our throats. You know what Blitz needs?

SOMEONE THAT WANTS HIM FOR WHO HE IS. NOT SOMEONE THAT’S JUST LONELY AND WANTS ANYONE THAT LOOKS HIS WAY.

He deserves Fizz. Or hell, he deserves to grow as a person and learn to love himself outside of the lens of others. He shouldn’t have to keep chasing a guy he didn’t like in the first because he thinks no one else will have him.

That’s pathetic and sad. Why should we be rooting for these two? Just because Stolas felt bad that he was using Blitz’s desperation as a tool to keep fucking him? I DON’T FEEL BAD WHEN HE CLEARLY WAS EXPECTING BLITZ TO ROLL OVER AND THANK HIM FOR COMMON DECENCY. You don’t do good deeds to expect anything. Despite them TELLING us he was willing to give Blitz the crystal, come what may, that’s not what they SHOWED us.

Stolas is a total creep and I won’t be gaslit into wanting them back together. Until they actually prove to us that he can value Blitz as a PERSON and not a toy? Hard pass.

Learn how to actually write a good toxic ship and get back to me. Because for how interesting these two can be, you had the unmitigated gall to make them BORING. Christ on a bike, let Blitz be interesting in his own fucking show challenge. You can’t just write the fun bits. You gotta work for it.

[lovesosweeet]

better left unsaid // cth

chapter seventeen

in which orion has leukemia, and calum doesn’t know.

calum hood x fem!oc

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august 14, 2018 los angeles, california orion

Since our tense conversation — I can’t call it a fight, nor do I want to — Calum has texted me at least once every hour that he’s awake. It’s refreshing. He’s a much better partner and boyfriend than any of my previous relationships in all regards, so it shouldn’t come as a surprise that he’s actually following up on what he says. 

My ex that I’d dated from the start of freshman year through a few months before I left for Spain was horrible about texting me. He’d always forget to text me good night, then didn’t bother to reply to my good mornings. We wouldn’t start texting until I’d text him again a few hours later. I would time that message by posting a Snapchat story and then waiting to see if he’d viewed it. It was toxic, and he never followed up on his promises that things would get better and he’d text me more.

It had always felt silly to get so hung up on something so seemingly small, but it kept being a recurring problem. He always promised that he would text me more and show me just how important I was, but the proof never showed up. 

With Calum, the moment he knows I have a problem with something, he works to fix it. This is another instance of it. While it may only be two days after he promised he’d keep in better contact with me, he has upheld his promise impeccably. 

Just more reasons to love him, and more reason to be racked with guilt from keeping a massive, literally life or death, secret from him. 

Today is round three of chemotherapy, and since we both are going to the same place, Macy and I are going together. Her mom will drop us off and Emelia will pick us up. I’ve packed my fluffy blanket again, along with Uno and a phone charger. It’s yet again another day where I wear one of Calum’s left-behind sweatshirts with a pair of shorts that are hidden underneath the oversized top. With my worn-out but very comfortable Birkenstocks, I’m wearing fuzzy socks.

Macy knocks on my door to let me know she’s here, and I give Duke a peanut butter filled Kong to keep him busy while I’m gone. I swing open the door and find her standing there, wearing an outfit almost identical to mine, except her sweatshirt is likely her own, with UCSD in large, embroidered block letters across the chest. 

“Good morning,” I tell her. I close the door behind myself and lock it.

“Damn, I really thought I might get an Orion latte this morning,” she pouts.

“Oh, shit, I can go back in and make you one? It’ll only take a few minutes.”

Macy shakes her head. “No, I’m fine. Maybe next time, though?” 

I nod and we start walking toward the elevator. “Yeah, next time. How are you feeling today?”

Macy has just this week and next week left on this treatment cycle. Her team is pretty confident that this final round should hopefully send her back into remission and she can resume her coursework in the spring. After years of going in and out of treatment, Macy doesn’t want to get her hopes up, so she’s currently still planning on starting school again in the fall next year. That said, she’s felt pretty miserable for the past few weeks. 

Her cancer — Hodgkin’s lymphoma — is currently just in stage one, caught early because she has regular visits to her oncologist over the years to monitor. While my treatment is supposed to be six weeks of chemo appointments, hers is only three weeks, but she has them twice a week. 

“Like death, but, just means it’s working,” she says, pressing the button for the lobby. “You?”

“Same.”

We ride down to the lobby in silence, listening to the hum of the machinery that makes it move. There’s no elevator music, which I’m grateful for since I don’t know if I could listen to it every time I take the elevator. When the doors slide open, we find Ron behind the desk like normal, and he smiles when he sees us. I fight to smile back at him.

“Good morning!” He calls out.

Macy and I both raise a hand in a haphazard wave. 

“Morning, Ron,” I manage to reply.

Macy’s mom is waiting for us in the car in the parking garage, and she’s on some kind of business call when we get in, so she doesn’t say anything to us as we buckle our seatbelts and she pulls out of the parking space. Macy and I are both just on our phones for the drive, since her mom’s call seems pretty important and I don’t want my voice to be echoing in the background.

I check my phone for the first time since I woke up and see that Ashton has texted me. It’s in the wee hours of the morning in Adelaide, which is where they should be now, so I’m going to guess that he’s out partying or just coming back to their hotel from it. 

From: irwie will you be honest can you tell me how you’re really doing none of the bs where you pretend you’re fine i’m worried i can’t stop thinking about it i can’t sleep i know you and i know you’re pretending it’s all fine and you’re not miserable. please just give me a real update

After reading through, I decide he’s probably not drunk. I don’t think he is out either. I think he’s probably just laying in his bed and overthinking. Kay is probably sound asleep next to him. I triple check the time conversion, and it’s 3:42 am there. I wish that he was as blind to what I’m actually doing back in LA as Calum is. 

To: irwie ash, please go to sleep i’ll be fine

Calum had texted me goodnight a few hours prior, too, complete with a selfie of him wearing a sweatshirt I bought him, but I wait to reply to him, since I don’t want the notification to wake him up. I’ll send a message in a few hours while Macy and I get our drips of poison.

Ashton replies almost immediately.

From: irwie orion, please it’s late, i just want to know the truth

To: irwie ash… it’s fine just go to sleep

From: irwie stop it. tell me the truth

To: irwie i’m not lying. it’s fine. it’s gonna be fine

From: irwie you keep saying that but i literally don’t believe you at all just give me an ounce of the truth please

To: irwie oh my god fine i’ve lost 10 pounds bc i’m so nauseous i can barely eat and my body feels like it’s covered in bruises but there are no bruises it just hurts and i’m so fucking tired there’s your update 

There’s no activity from Ashton after I send that, and when I look up, we’re at the hospital. Macy’s mom is still on the phone, so we quietly open our doors. I get out of the car and I watch as her mom gives her arm a squeeze, and then Macy joins me. We walk inside and check in, and then we go our separate ways to get our vitals taken. 

When we reconvene at the armchairs, Macy is waiting for me. 

“My mom says she’s sorry she couldn’t talk in the car,” she mentions as I sit down. 

Two employees come over with their carts to hook us up to the IVs. As usual, I close my eyes so I don’t have to watch it happen. 

“No, it’s okay, I know she has work.”

I feel the coolness of the wipe on my arm, and I brace for the impact of the needle in my skin. With the pinch, I feel my phone vibrate on my lap.

“I told her you wouldn’t mind, but I just wanted you to know she did apologize.”

I nod, my eyes still shut. When I feel tape over the IV in my arm, I open my eyes again, giving the nurse who’d done it a smile. She tells us to let them know if we need anything before they disappear to tend to other patients. 

“Tell her I said thank you for the ride,” I say. I pull my phone out again, seeing what the notification is. It’s Ashton, unsurprisingly. 

From: irwie orion promise me you’ll ask for help if you really need it we can’t lose you

His third text is gut-wrenching enough to send me into an emotional spiral, but I do my best to hold myself together. I fight the urge to start crying in the middle of this room where I’m surrounded by people who are all fighting the same battle. It would feel like I’m belittling them. We’re all struggling through the same thing. Why would I be special enough to cry while everyone else is acting fine?

I take a deep breath before I reply.

To: irwie i’m fine. it’s fine.

From: irwie can you please stop lying

To: irwie everything remains as is until i can tell calum.

When he doesn’t reply instantly, I follow up again.

To: irwie please, please go to sleep.

From: irwie 👍

Now he’s mad at me, but hopefully he will at least go to sleep now. 

Frustratedly, I lock my phone and push it into the kangaroo pocket on my sweatshirt. 

“You good?” Macy asks from next to me.

I gulp, rubbing my eyes. I feel like crying, but this isn’t the time or place. “Yeah, it’s fine. It’s just Ashton.” 

“What do you mean?”

Macy knows that Ashton is the only one on the tour who knows about my leukemia, so I know she understands why there may be a problem there. I guess I didn’t really give much context, so her question is valid. 

“So it’s like 3:30 am there and he’s texting me saying he can’t sleep and I need to tell him how I’m really doing.” 

An unusual smile paints itself across her face. “And that bothers you?”

Bothering me isn’t exactly how I’d describe it. “I just want him to live his life.”

“Orion,” she starts. “Just because you’re stifling your emotions about this whole thing doesn’t mean he can.”

I’m not stifling my emotions. I’ve cried almost every day since Calum left. I feel like I’m drowning in everything that’s going on and it’s practically the only thing that I can think about. My little detour to feeling sad that Calum wasn’t communicating with me as much as I wanted him to was brief, and most of the time I’m just thinking about my literal impending doom. 

“I’m not stifling my emotions.”

I don’t meet her eyes, but I know that she rolls them. 

“Just because I’m not talking about them doesn’t mean I don’t have them,” I add.

“Can I be honest?” Macy asks.

“I’d prefer you always be honest, so yes.”

“I feel like you’re still in denial about all of this.”

When I don’t have something articulated to say straight away, she adds more.

“I don’t know if it’s truly all set in, and I think a lot of that stems from you not telling Calum.”

She’s probably right. I don’t feel like I can let myself really think everything through, because I know that once I do, I’m one step closer to calling Calum and messing everything up. I’ve worked too hard to protect Calum from my reality. I can’t just throw it all away because I get depressed about my lack of potential future. Even when I’m just home and all alone, I don’t let myself feel sad about the cancer. I just focus on being sad about being alone. 

My life is ending, at a faster rate than most other people’s, but right now, I just feel like someone going through a long distance relationship while having the flu. I’m sick and I’m lonely but I don’t feel like I have really processed just how sick I actually am.

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a/n: day 2 of nanowrimo we are just over 5k words so far!!!!!!