#literally in bed because I was reading my friends’ wonderful stories and then had to make an shopping online grocery order on the same day

[howdidthisevenhappenanyway]

the thing about having a sensitisation condition is that after a lifetime of joking about how women were supposedly overcome by a mere novel and need a fainting couch, I literally can’t read anything too angsty or suspense-filled on the wrong day, or I will in fact be overcome with the vapours

[lemoncrushh]

Dressing For Revenge 2

I had a few requests for a continuation of this story, so here it is!

Summary: A week after your night with Harry, he calls and invites you to a work-related event which his ex also attends.

Warnings: Smut, dirty talk, oral (male receiving), all the good stuff. MUST BE 18+ TO READ.

Word Count: 7.6k+

Read part 1 here

The microwave beeped offensively loud as you changed into your favorite pajamas. Slipping into a pair of fuzzy socks, you sauntered into the kitchen and grabbed a large bowl from the cabinet. Movies and popcorn sounded like a great plan for a night in. After the debacle the previous weekend, you’d scheduled this Friday evening for yourself. No parties, no nightclubs, no friends. Just you and a chick flick. And maybe some wine.

Deciding to pour a glass, you grabbed it and the popcorn and made yourself comfortable on the sofa. While laughing at Jennifer Lopez hiding from Matthew McConaughey, you felt your phone buzz. Expecting it to be Kelsie or one of your friends from work texting you, you were surprised to see a different name on the screen.

Hi Y/N. How are you?

Your stomach unexpectedly flipped just seeing your name in print underneath his. You hadn’t heard from Harry since he’d called you that night to make sure you’d gotten home okay. Not that you’d expected to. It had only been a week after all. And of course it was a two-way street. You could have texted him. But you hadn’t. But that didn’t mean you hadn’t thought of him.

Hi, Harry. You texted back. I’m fine. You?

Oh hey. I didn’t expect you to reply right away. Are you at home?

You bit your lip. Was he fishing for an invite? Shaking your head, you typed, Yes.

Mind if I call?

With a half squeal, half groan, you replied, Not at all.

Although you had literally just been texting with him, feeling the vibration in your hand and seeing his name again on the screen as your phone rang sent a new rush through your veins.

“Hi,” you answered nonchalantly.

“Hi, Y/N, how are you?”

You chuckled. “You asked me that already.”

“Right. So I did. Um…didn’t expect you to be home on a Friday night,” said Harry.

“That’s because I have a date.”

“Oh?”

“With myself,” you finished, reaching for your glass and taking another sip of wine.

“Oh,” he let out a breathy laugh. He sounded relieved, which only made your heart beat faster. “And how’s that going so far?”

“Not bad. I figure at this rate I’ll be taking myself to bed by midnight.”

Harry snickered harder at your joke. You smiled, happy that you could make him laugh.

“What are you up to tonight, Harry?” you asked.

“Pretty much the same thing, although I’m not sure I’m quite as compatible.”

“No?”

“Mmm,” he sounded. “Am I allowed to say I’m a little jealous?”

You chuckled, though you didn’t really give an answer.

“Which brings me to the reason I called,” Harry continued. “I have something to ask you. A favor, if you will.”

“Oh?”

“You can say no, and I’ll completely understand if you do. I know I said you could call me if you wanted to get together again…”

“Harry, what is it?” you persisted.

You half expected him to say he was horny and lonely, that he wanted you to come over for a quick fix. But you were surprised when he had a different proposition.

“I have a…a thing tomorrow night. A real estate thing. It’s like a corporate dinner where we meet up with the management companies and investors, announce the top brokers and give awards and such. And I was…wondering if you’d come as my date.”

“Oh…” you mused. “You’re allowed to bring a date?”

“Of course. In fact, it’s almost mandatory.” You heard Harry do the breathy laugh again and wondered if he made that part up, or if it was meant to be a joke.

“I see. And…you’re inviting me?”

“I am. I know we don’t know each other well. And you’ll probably be bored out of your mind, and I wouldn’t blame you one bit. It’s just…”

“Just what?” you asked when his words trailed off.

“I didn’t tell you this before because there was no reason to. But my ex is in real estate as well. That’s how we…you know…met.”

“Ah, so she’ll be there.”

“Correct,” Harry sighed.

“And you want me to make her jealous,” I added in a half question.

“Not jealous, really,” replied Harry. “More like revenge. To show her I’m better off without her. Like we did to your ex last weekend.”

“I see,” you said again.

You heard Harry sigh again, then groan. “I’m sorry, Y/N. It sounded better in my head.”

“I didn’t say no.”

“Well, no, but you’re probably thinking it. I swear, I don’t want this to seem like I’m using you. I genuinely like you, Y/N. And I’m very much attracted to you.”

You started to giggle, setting your glass back down on the coffee table.

“What’s so funny?” Harry asked solemnly.

“I used you, Harry. Last weekend. In fact, you wanted me to. And now you’re saying you’re not wanting to use me? For the exact same reason?”

“I reckon you’re right.”

“Of course I am. Now. Let’s just call a spade a spade. What time is this event tomorrow?”

“So you’re going?”

“Of course, I am. You did me a solid, and now I can do one back. Besides, it might be a little fun.”

“Alright,” said Harry, a smile in his voice. “It starts at eight. I can pick you up around seven thirty, if that’s okay.”

“That’s perfect. How formal is this, like black tie, or business casual?”

“Somewhere in between. A cocktail dress should be fine.”

“Sounds good. I look forward to it, Harry,” you announced honestly.

“Good. Me too. Thanks for doing this, love.”

After hanging up the phone, you rushed to your closet to pick out something to wear for the event. Even though you hadn’t wanted to let on over the phone, you were beyond excited to see Harry again. This time, you got to be his arm candy and not Luke’s. And unlike with Luke, you had a feeling Harry would only have eyes for you.

As long as his heart didn’t still belong to his ex.

You’d just dabbed on some lipgloss when you heard the buzzer. Pressing the intercom button, you instructed Harry to come on up to your apartment. But when the knock sounded and you swung the door open, you nearly had to hold on to the knob to keep your balance.

“Shit,” you muttered at the same time Harry exclaimed “God damn!”

With a nervous laugh, you caught the twinkle in Harry’s eyes as he leaned against the door jam, his gaze raking over your body.

He looked delicious. Similar to the previous weekend, he wore a silk shirt, unbuttoned plenty to catch peeks at his tattoos and pecks. Over it was a black suit with the jacket open, the slacks fitting him well in all the right places.

“Fuck me, kitten, you look stunning,” said Harry, expressing your thoughts before your mouth could.

You blushed, your hands self-consciously running down your waist and hips. You must have chosen the right dress for the evening. It was a short, fitted, black lace dress with a high neck and long sleeves. You felt like it was tasteful, yet sexy. Harry seemed to agree as he stepped over the threshold and reached for your waist, pulling you to him.

“Wow,” he breathed in your ear. “How lucky am I?”

“Hmm, I guess we’ll see,” you teased, inhaling his intoxicating cologne.

Harry chuckled low. “Is that how it’s gonna be, then, kitten?” You felt his hands travel down to your butt. And you didn’t stop him when he lowered his mouth to your neck.

“Yes,” you whispered as he sucked on your delicate flesh.

“Maybe we should just ditch this party all together and stay here instead.”

“Now, Harry,” you tsked, pushing his shoulders away. “I thought this was important.”

His laugh vibrated in his chest as he nodded. “Indeed. Thanks so much again for doing this.”

Pursing your lips, you winked at him. Then grabbing your clutch, you followed him out the door and downstairs to his car. When he opened it for you, you immediately got a whiff of the expensive leather, an aroma you’d found pleasant and comforting the last time. It reminded you of the smell of his bedroom, and you quickly clamped your thighs together when you climbed into the front seat, the memory of that night in his bed arousing you.

The drive to the venue was quick, for which you were grateful since you couldn’t manage to keep your eyes off of Harry’s hands on the wheel and gear shift, and the way his thighs looked in those pants. He made some small talk, but your mind was elsewhere, almost wishing you’d taken him up on the offer to stay at your place.

When he parked the car in front of a fancy hotel, you gasped. “It’s in here?”

You recognized the place. Well, obviously anyone would. But you’d been there before. Luke had taken you there once when you-

“Well, it only seemed natural,” replied Harry as he turned off the engine, “seeing as the company owns this property.”

Jerking your head, you stared at Harry with wide eyes, astonished. “Oh my God! I knew you were rich, but…oh my God!”

With a chuckle and a gleam in his eye, Harry opened his car door and rounded to your side where you still sat with your mouth agape. You eventually smiled, taking Harry’s awaiting hand and letting him lead you to the entrance and through the hotel lobby to the elevators. A cluster of people were gathered nearby and Harry slowed and whispered in your ear.

“Some of my colleagues,” he explained. “Shall I introduce you?”

“Of course,” you grinned. “As long as you’re not ashamed to be seen with me.”

“Are you kidding?” he smirked, giving your butt a pat before quickly guiding you toward the men.

“Gentlemen!” he greeted boisterously.

“Harry, my good man, how are you?” one of the men broke from the pack to offer his hand.

“Can’t complain,” Harry replied, shaking hands. “How about yourself?”

“Same here,” the man nodded, though his eyes seemed to wander to you eagerly. “And who is this gorgeous angel you brought with you?”

You felt Harry’s hand glide down your back. “Greg, I’d like you to meet Y/N, Y/N this is Greg Hawthorne, Chairman of the Board.”

“How do you do, sweetheart,” said Greg.

“Lovely to meet you,” you smiled, taking his hand though you had no idea what a Chairman of the Board was.

Just then, you were saved by the ding that the awaiting elevator announced, and you and Harry followed the rest of the group up to another floor. More groups of people were gathered there, and down the hall. Harry stopped a couple more times to introduce you to more colleagues. You knew for certain you would never be able to remember their names, but you figured that wasn’t the reason for the pleasantries.

When you came to a large, open, double doorway, you were greeted by another man and woman who welcomed you both to the event. Stepping inside the massive room, you took in the view of what appeared to be a ballroom, filled with cloth-covered tables with fancy centerpieces. At the far end was a stage, a podium erected in the center and a large screen next to it. The chandeliers were enough to take your breath away, and when Harry guided you toward one of the tables, you noticed the gold-leafed placards.

“This is nicer than most weddings I’ve been to,” you whispered to Harry, lifting the placard in front of you that held his name.

Your date only grinned, but you quickly felt a hand on your knee underneath the table. He gave it a nice squeeze, and you giggled.

“None of that, Mr. Styles,” you warned. “We’re in public.”

“Oh, so I can’t even touch you?”

“I didn’t say that. Just be careful. I’m very ticklish. People may get the wrong idea.”

“I see,” he smirked with sexy eyes. “I’ll try to be discreet, then.”

The room started to fill up, and Harry was greeted so many times that you just remained standing. You had to admit, it felt good to be the companion of someone so popular. Luke’s popularity was nothing compared to this. And everyone seemed to be very fond of Harry.

However, after a quick chat with one of Harry’s friends, you felt his hand twist the back of your dress. Taking a step back to keep your balance, you looked at him and noticed how much the expression on his face had instantly changed.

“What happened?” you inquired. “Is something wrong?”

“She’s here,” he said, his voice low but clear.

“Oh,” you whispered. “Where?”

Harry loosened his jaw, then cleared his throat, looked down and scratched his nose. “Right there. Blue dress.”

Scanning the entrance, you picked out the woman. While she was attractive, she was not what you had pictured. Not that you had any point of reference, but she just didn’t seem like someone you would have thought Harry would have been in a relationship with.

“Oh, I see,” you commented, unsure of what else to say.

A waiter came around with a tray of champagne, blocking your view of Harry’s ex. You graciously accepted a glass, and Harry suggested you both take a seat.

“Hello, Harry,” you heard behind you just as you’d turned.

Harry exhaled through his nose before addressing her. “Good evening, Toni. You’re looking well.”

Toni flipped her hair from her shoulder and grinned triumphantly. Then her eyes fell on you.

“Antoinette Bloom, how do you do?” she said, offering her hand to you.

“Y/N Y/LN, nice to meet you.” You tried your best to give the most nonchalant, yet genuine greeting, hoping Harry was pleased. The corners of your mouth began to curve upwards when you felt his hand on your back once again.

“I hear you closed on the MacHouser deal, Harry,” Toni turned her attention back to her ex. “Congratulations.”

“Thank you,” he half-bowed, “it was a team effort.”

“Of course.”

Just then, another tall man appeared, his hand on Toni’s shoulder. “Darling, I found our table over there. I think it’s about to get started.”

“Oh, yes,” she grinned. “Good to see you, Harry.” She merely nodded at you, and didn’t even bother introducing the man who was already guiding her to the right side of the ballroom. You felt Harry let out a long breath.

“That wasn’t so bad,” you assured with a smile.

“Wasn’t so great either,” he frowned.

You slid your hand up his arm, squeezing his bicep. “Could have been worse.”

Finally looking at you, Harry’s frown turned into a grin. Your insides flipped when his dimples appeared and he pulled you close to him.

“She’s got nothing on you, you know.”

“Except history,” you remarked.

Harry chuckled. “C’mon, love. Let’s sit and enjoy this evening. Together.”

“Sounds good,” you agreed as Harry helped push in your chair. “By the way, did you know him?”

“Who?”

“The man she was with. She didn’t introduce him.”

“Oh. Yeah. He’s the uh…”

When Harry paused, your eyes widened in astonishment. “Him? She left you for that guy?”

“Well, no, she didn’t leave me, I kicked her out.”

“Because she was cheating on you. With him!”

Harry covered your hand with his. “Let’s not get into it, babe. Not now.”

With a huff, you sat back in your chair, crossing your arms. What an idiot this woman was! Fucking moron!

Harry chuckled low, making you look over at him. “What?”

“You look like a defiant child sat there like that, kitten.”

With a snort, you sat up straight. “Sorry. I just don’t think she knew how good she had it.”

“And how good is that?” Harry leaned closer, his hand sliding up your thigh under the table.

“Harry…” you mouthed, barely able to get out a breath as his fingers played with the hem of your dress.

“Oh, good evening Harry!” a plump man announced, grabbing the chair on the other side of him. “Looks like Marla and I are at your table.”

“Hi, Tom, how are things?” Harry quickly rose from his chair to shake hands with the man, then with the woman he was with.

“Well, as they say…same shit, different day!” Tom cackled.

Harry laughed, “Yes, indeed.” Then he introduced you to Tom and his wife, Marla, who both already seemed like very nice people.

Two more couples arrived shortly after, rounding out your table. Soon enough, the waiters came around with plates of food. You gawked at the presentation of the scrumptious looking chicken dish in front of you.

“I’m sorry,” Harry whispered in your ear. “I forgot to tell you I ordered the food weeks ago. I hope chicken is okay.”

“Of course, no problem,” you replied.

“Obviously I knew I wouldn’t be here with Toni, but I reckoned chicken was a safe bet.”

“It’s perfectly fine,” you insisted.

“So, how did you two meet?” Marla asked after Tom had made a toast.

Harry looked over at you and you felt your face flush.

“Um…the traditional way,” replied Harry. “At a nightclub.”

“Oh!” Marla giggled when Harry winked, putting you at ease.

Once again, you felt Harry’s hand on you underneath the table. Instead of squeezing your knee, he slid his palm up dangerously, allowing his fingers to rest just inside your thigh. You gasped out a breath, swiftly grabbing your champagne, hoping no one noticed.

Chatter and small talk filled the room until the lights dimmed slightly and the man from the elevator stepped up to the podium. He announced himself as Greg Hawthorne and welcomed you all to tonight’s gala. Then the television monitor came to life and displayed a quick introduction to the firm. While most of it was over your head, you were once again impressed by the company and what real estate it owned. After another quick spiel, Greg introduced the CEO who joined him at the podium, gave a short speech and sat back down at his table. Then Greg proceeded with the awards ceremony, starting with one for another man you’d met earlier.

Having finished your delicious chicken, you placed your fork down on your plate, and dabbed your lips with a napkin. When everyone clapped, you joined in.

Harry leaned over and whispered in your ear. “Bored yet?”

“No,” you smiled. “I’m having a lovely time.”

“Liar.”

“No, I’m not,” you insisted with a laugh.

You reached for his hand then, pulling it underneath the tablecloth, setting it in your lap. You covered it with your other hand for reassurance. Harry beamed at you, then kissed your temple.

Just then, a name you hadn’t wished to hear was announced. Antoinette Bloom stepped up on stage to receive her award, though you’d missed what she’d earned it for. You felt Harry’s body go still next to you.

“You okay?” you whispered.

“Um, yeah. Yeah,” he sighed. “I’m fine.”

“It’s still hard to see her, isn’t it?”

“No, no…it’s…it’s fine. I’m fine.”

“Harry, it’s okay,” you said, squeezing his hand. “I get it. Remember?”

His green eyes stared at you and you thought you saw them water, but he blinked quickly. Then he pulled his hand from your grasp and reached for his champagne, gulping it down. You looked around your table and saw more sets of eyes, either on Harry or trying to divert their gaze. They all knew. They had probably known them when they were a couple. Suddenly, you felt like a duck out of water, and just as Toni was finishing her speech, you excused yourself to the ladies’ room.

When you made it to the stall, and took several deep breaths, you started talking to yourself. Reminding yourself that you were doing Harry a favor. You were his plus one because he wanted some sort of revenge, or proof for his ex to see he didn’t need her anymore - just as Harry had done for you the weekend before with Luke.

This isn’t about you, you stupid bitch. After tonight you’ll probably never see him again.

After washing up and touching up your lip gloss, you opened the door to see Harry standing in the hallway.

“Hey. What are you doing out here?” you asked.

“Checking on you. You rushed out so quickly.”

“Sorry. Must have been the champagne.”

Harry took two steps closer, enough to reach out and finger a curl on your shoulder. “Liar,” he muttered.

With a sigh, you shook your head. “Harry…”

“Y/N. I’m the one who should apologize. I made a fool of myself, trying to act like I didn’t care she was here. You were right.”

“I was?” you gulped.

“It’s still hard,” he nodded. “I mean…it’s not like I want her back. I don’t really want anything to do with her. Just…seeing her reminds me, you know?”

“Absolutely.”

“I’m sorry, darling. I really am.” Harry shoved his hands in his pockets, and you took that as your cue.

“It’s okay. Shall I get an Uber, or…”

“What?” Harry’s eyes widened. “You’re not leaving, are you?”

“Well…um…,” you stumbled. “Don’t you want me to?”

“Oh, God, honey, no! No! I didn’t mean to imply that at all!”

You fiddled with the clutch in your hands as you stared at him incredulously. “I’m confused.”

Reaching for your waist, Harry pulled you even closer. “Baby, I want you to stay. Please. I enjoy your company. And even though this is probably boring you to tears, you look so fucking sexy, I want...”

“What?” you asked when his words trailed off.

“I…” Harry searched down either end of the hallway, making sure no one was within earshot. Then he guided you backwards against the wall. “I wanna eat you up,” he growled.

“Oh!” you squeaked just before his mouth collided with yours.

His kisses were rough and urgent. His stubble scratched against your delicate skin. And you loved it. Gasping for a breath, you grabbed hold of his jacket lapels.

“Harry…”

“I want you so bad, kitten,” he whined. God, that sounded hot. “Been thinking about you all fucking week. Took everything I had in me not to call sooner.”

“Really?”

Just then, two other women started down the hall toward you. Harry straightened up and you pretended to be looking for something in your bag. When they passed and entered the restroom, you raised your head. Harry was staring at you like a tiger about to pounce its prey. When he blinked slowly, you could hear him swallow hard.

“I got a room,” he finally said.

Your jaw dropped. “A roo-, here?”

“Yeah. I know it’s presumptuous of me. But I was hoping…you might…wanna stay with me tonight.”

As he said those words, he moved closer to you, slowly like a dream. Chills erupted down your body, and you found yourself eagerly allowing him into your embrace. His lips met yours again, this time sweet and wet.

“I-I thought…” you breathed between kisses, “when you froze next to me…when she got her award…that you…”

“Shh,” Harry sounded, silencing you with more kisses. “Baby girl…let me make it clear. I don’t want her. I want you.”

You thought you saw the shadows of the women returning from the bathroom, but neither you nor Harry moved an inch. His gaze pierced through you, you melted, and you may have even let out a moan.

“I want you, too. So bad.”

“Good,” he growled, sliding his hand around your neck. Then kissing you one more time, he stood up straight and said, “Let’s get out of here.”

Taking your hand, you were halfway down the hall when Tom emerged from the ballroom.

“Harry!,” he said. “They need you in here!”

“What for?”

“Your award!”

Harry cursed under his breath, and you chuckled as he tugged on your hand and led you back into the ballroom.

“There he is!” shouted Greg from the podium. “C’mon Harry, everyone who’s awarded has to get up here.”

Harry snorted, then gave you a quick kiss on the cheek before heading up to the stage. With a cheesy grin on your face, you made it back to your table and joined everyone in clapping as Harry accepted his award. You hadn’t even heard what it was for, but it didn’t matter. You were proud of him regardless, and you planned on showing him just how proud you were later in the room he’d said he’d gotten.

You watched your handsome date as he gave his acceptance speech, the glow on his face. When he was finished, he gave a quick nod and thank you, then began to make his way between the tables. You noticed Toni staring at him, but your grin spread when Harry paid her no mind, and instead beamed at you with his dimpled smile.

“Congrats, Harry!” exclaimed Tom when Harry reached your table. “I was worried you’d either gone or didn’t care about receiving an award. But I see I was wrong on both accounts. Well-deserved, my friend.”

“Thanks, Tom.”

Although Harry’s words were addressed to the man on his left, his eyes hadn’t left yours.

“Ready to go?” he asked.

“Now?” you half-chuckled, half-gasped.

“Yes,” he replied, his voice suddenly an octave lower.

“Oh, don’t leave yet, you two!” Marla whisper-shouted. “You’ll miss the best part!”

“Best part?” you inquired, eyeing both Marla and Harry.

Harry smirked. “There’s usually some sort of dessert, and they serve more cocktails.”

“Oh. I think I can pass.”

Not missing the tone in your confession, Harry rose from his chair and held his hand out for you. You eagerly took it, giving hasty goodbyes to your table mates, then you followed him back into the hallway just as Greg was giving his final speech, announcing the imminent dessert.

“I have my own sweet, tasty treat,” remarked Harry, patting your ass.

You were mid-giggle, starting to get handsy yourself when you heard a female voice behind you.

“Congratulations, Harry.”

Oh, goddammit, what did she want?

“Thank you,” Harry turned and nodded sharply.

“I always knew you’d make top broker,” Toni continued. “I know I voiced it many times.”

Her tone was sultry as she stepped closer to Harry. Then she placed her hand on his bicep and gave an adoring smile. Your stomach turned and your mouth felt sour as you watched her try to seduce her ex right in front of you.

“Um, no, actually you didn’t,” said Harry.

“Pardon me?”

“You never said that to me, Antoinette. Not once. In fact, if I remember correctly, you used to provoke and torment me by claiming you’d beat me.”

“Oh, that,” Toni dismissed Harry’s accusation with a wave of her hand. “That was just a little game. You enjoyed it, didn’t you baby? You liked trying to rival me. It only made you better.”

Your eyes wide, you nearly smacked her, but you held back your hands and your tongue.

“No, I didn’t enjoy it. And it didn’t make me better. I’m better now because you’re out of my life, Toni.”

Turning away from her, Harry grabbed your hand again and began walking faster. You tried your best to keep up as he led you to the elevators.

“Aw, little Harry is heartbroken so he needed to find a little trollop to mend his ego,” Toni mocked with a sneer.

At that you turned around swiftly. “You’re a horrible person! No wonder he kicked you out!”

“Y/N, please baby-”

“What the hell do you know?” Toni rolled her eyes.

“I know that this man is amazing and sweet and sexy as hell, and you lost out.”

Toni’s jaw dropped open as Harry pulled you toward the open elevator doors.

“I also know that nobody has used the word trollop since the sixties,” you called out just before the doors closed. “The term is slut now, honey.”

When the elevator stopped, and the doors opened, you followed Harry down the hall, your hand still in his until he stopped at the end of the hallway. Then he pulled a key card out of his jacket pocket and slipped it into the lock.

He had been quiet on the lift, his jaw set. You knew he was angry, and maybe even a little embarrassed. You felt for him, seeing just how vile his ex was. You wanted to make him feel better, but only if he wanted the same.

Stepping into the room, however, you nearly forgot what had just happened when you saw the exquisite view.

“Wow…” you breathed as Harry headed for the bar.

“Nice, yeah?” he wiggled his brows. When he poured two glasses of brandy, however, his expression returned solemn.

“Harry…” you began, walking toward him. “We don’t have to do this.”

“What?”

“If you’re not feeling up to it.”

“Who says I’m not?” he asked, handing you a glass.

“Well, I can tell you’re upset.”

“I’m not. I mean…yeah, she’s…a piece of work,” Harry half-chuckled, shaking his head. Then he looked at you. “But she has nothing to do with us.”

“No?”

“Mm-mm,” he sounded, reaching for your waist with his other hand. “I’m just sorry you had to see that. Cheers?”

You clinked your glass against Harry’s and took a sip, setting your clutch on the bar. He looked over his glass at you and winked. Slowly lowering yours, you grinned.

“So your award was for top broker? What does that mean, you sold the most houses?”

Harry chuckled low. “Houses, hotels, commercial properties...”

“Wow,” you said. “I’m proud of you, Harry.”

“Are you?” he smiled wider.

“Of course, I am. And I wanna show you.”

“Oh. You do.” Taking your glass, Harry set it on the bar next to his. “And how do you wanna do that?”

“Like this…” you said, reaching for his jacket and tugging it off his shoulders.

With a smirk, he shook his arms out of it and tossed it on a nearby chair. Then his eyes sparkled as you ran your hands down his chest and began to unfasten the remaining buttons of his shirt.

Slipping his fingers underneath your jaw, he pulled you into a deep kiss. You moaned against him, letting him know just how badly you wanted to please him. When your own fingers met his waistband, you felt him shudder, a sexy tremble of anticipation as he threw off his shirt. You played with him a bit, letting your fingertips linger along his tattoos after you’d unbuttoned his trousers. Then with a loud sounding of the zipper, you dropped to your knees along with his pants. You heard him gasp out a breath, a tiny one, but audible nonetheless.

You kissed his inner thighs, sweet, tender kisses. Moving up slowly, you reached for his underwear. A low, sexy exhale escaped his throat then, followed by a chuckle.

“Oh, kitten.”

“What?”

“Is this what you want?”

You nodded and licked your lips as his erection sprung from his briefs, meeting you in the face. Harry’s breath hitched in his throat when you took hold of it and wet the tip with your tongue. You looked up at him long enough to see his jaw drop as you enveloped your lips around his hard cock. Then he quickly shut his eyes and inhaled through his nose.

He was big. You knew this already, of course, but having him in your mouth for the first time took a little extra work and finesse. You didn’t think you’d be able to deep throat him, so you did your best with what you had to work with. Lubricating him up with your own saliva, you moaned against his cock while your hand met your lips halfway. Harry’s fingers raked through your hair until they had a good grip. His breaths quickened as he bucked his hips against you, urging you to suck him deeper and harder, your hand to move faster. You obliged to his physical requests until you felt him quiver, then tug harder on your hair.

“Easy, kitten,” he gasped. “Fuck, you’re so good, but I don’t wanna come so fast.”

Clipping your chin with his finger, he gazed down at you.

“Jesus, baby, look at you. So eager and willing to please.”

You nodded, running your hands up his thighs. “Yes, Harry. I wanna please you so bad. Wanna make you feel good.”

Stepping out of his shoes and pants, Harry lifted you from the floor. With his hands cradling your face he pulled you into a deep, wet kiss that nearly sent you back into a pool at his feet. Then slipping his fingers behind your neck, he found the zipper of your dress and tugged it open. Stepping out of it, you let him lead you to the bed, his eyes never leaving yours.

“I wanna make you feel good too, kitten,” Harry promised as he removed your black lacy bra.

“But it’s my turn, Harry,” you argued, climbing onto the bed and sitting on your knees. “You made me feel better last time.”

“Did I? Is that why you left in such a hurry?”

“I told you why I left,” you frowned.

“I know. I’m sorry.” His hands cupped your breasts as he snuck a kiss onto your collarbone.

“Anyway, tonight is about you,” you continued. “And I wanna show you how proud I am of you. How worthy you are.”

“Yeah?” he smirked, sliding his hand down the front of your panties. “Am I worthy of this sweet pussy?”

“Fuck yes,” you hissed.

Harry laughed, “God, you’re so wet already, kitten. I haven’t hardly touched you.”

“That’s the effect you have on me.”

“Good to know. I am lucky.”

He continued to stroke you, his fingertip pressing gently on your already throbbing clit. Still on your knees, they began to give out just from his touch. You grabbed hold of his arms to keep your balance, a tiny cry escaping your lips.

“Oh, sweetheart, you sure this is about me?” Harry raised a brow, teasing you.

“Yes, Harry. I promise. You just…get me worked up.”

“What do you think you do to me, hmm? Sat there next to me in that tiny little dress, your thighs begging to be stroked underneath the table. Your fuckable ass just waiting to be grabbed by my hands. Your fuck-me eyes batting their lashes at me as if I don’t know what that means.”

“I didn’t know they do that,” you mewled as you continued to ride his fingers.

“Oh, yes you do. And you love it. Just like you love how you’re dripping on me right now.”

“But you love it, too,” you said, trying to turn the tables. “You love how hot and wet I am for you.”

“Goddammit, yes I do. C’mere, kitten.”

The air suddenly felt cooler when he removed his hand from your panties. But the warmth was returned quickly as you watched him lay down on the bed and stroke himself.

“Harry,” you pouted. “I’m supposed to do that.”

“Well then hurry up, baby. We may have all night, but I get impatient too.”

You gave him a smirk, knowing he was mocking your impatience from last weekend.

“Just for that, I may just take my time,” you teased, slowly sliding your panties down your hips.

“Please don’t.”

“What would you do if I did?”

“Make myself come,” he replied cheekily, his hand still on his cock.

“Aw, c’mon Harry, play nice.”

He chuckled low, sending another thrill down your spine. Kicking your panties off of your ankle, you let them hit the floor as you crawled cat-like over his naked body.

“Kitten, you are,” he grinned, reaching for your hips. “Looks like I picked the right pet name.”

“Yes,” you agreed. “And now kitty wants a ride.”

Harry growled as you nibbled on his neck. “Condom’s in my jacket, babe,” he whispered. “Forgot to grab it.”

With a tiny pout, you slid off the bed and retrieved his jacket from the chair, and found the condom in the inside picket. Opening it swiftly, you returned to the bed where you eagerly slipped it on his awaiting cock. Lifting your hips, you eased yourself down slowly with a high-pitched groan.

“Gently, kitten,” instructed Harry. “You sure you’re wet enough?”

“Yes,” you sighed. “You just fill me so well.”

“Yeah,” he grinned. “Go slowly though, alright. Don’t wanna hurt you.”

“I can handle it, baby. Question is, can you handle me?”

Harry’s chest shook as he laughed, and you slowly began to ride him. When you began to pick up a little speed, however, Harry started to blink, his head tilting back into the pillow.

“Fuck, kitten, you feel so good.”

“I do? You like how my cunt feels dripping on you?”

“Mmm yeah. So fucking warm and wet.”

“You deserve to feel this good, baby. Every night,” you moaned.

“Yeah? You would fuck me like this every night?” he asked, his hips bucking up against you.

“Mmhmm. Anything you want. You’re such a fucking hot and sexy man. You deserve to be fucked any way you want.”

“Ah yes, fuck me, kitten.”

“She didn’t fuck you like this, did she?” you purred as you rode him faster.

Harry shook his head and gulped. “No.”

“You deserve so much better, baby. You deserve a woman who knows your needs. Who worships your cock.”

Though Harry moaned and let out an expletive, he grabbed your waist and tried to hold you still. “Wait…baby…wait, stop,” he gasped.

“What’s wrong?” you blinked.

“I don’t wanna fuck like this.”

“Like what?”

“Revenge sex, angry sex, whatever this is. I’m done with that, aren’t you?”

You stared at him, confused. “But, I thought-”

“I know, babe,” he interrupted with a nod. “But I don’t want this to be about her. Or him. Just us.”

“Oh.”

“Don’t you?”

“I…yeah, I guess so.”

Harry’s green eyes stared at you, and though they were still filled with lust, a softer look in them also appeared that you hadn’t seen before. “Just you and me, yeah? I think it could be great.”

“Okay,” you nodded.

“Good girl,” he grinned. “Now fuck me.”

You slowly resumed your thrusts, your eyes still locked with his. While you tried to continue the little game you’d been playing, the point seemed moot. Something came over you that you couldn’t describe, and if you didn’t know any better, you’d say you were feeling emotional, overwhelmed. But you couldn’t, could you? This was just a hookup, a mutual agreement. There were no feelings involved. Finally, you stopped all movement.

“What’s wrong, babe?” asked Harry, a bewildered look on his face. “You tired?”

“No. It just…it feels different now.”

“Different…good?”

You shook your head, unable to find the words. “I don’t know. I just…I feel vulnerable.”

Harry’s face softened as he sat up and ran his hands up your back. “I know, baby. But it’s okay. I’m here, yeah? I’ll make you feel good.”

“But I wanted to make you feel good,” you said.

“Then we’ll make each other feel good,” Harry smirked. “C’mon love, it’s alright. We don’t need revenge sex. Those two other people…they mean nothing. We don’t have to use each other anymore. Let’s just…live in the moment.”

Taking in a deep breath, you let it out slowly. Was he saying what you thought he was saying? His arms around you, Harry kissed your lips softly. Then he continued down your jaw and to your neck. Inch by inch, you let the tension fall until his soft, pillowy lips lightly touched your shoulder.

“Mmm, that feels nice,” you breathed before you realized it.

“Doesn’t it?” Harry murmured before looking into your eyes. “I want you, Y/N. I wouldn’t have invited you here if I didn’t. I wouldn’t have gotten this room. For us. You and me, honey. You’re the one I wanna be with.”

Though he didn’t finish the sentence with tonight, you took it as implied.

“Let’s make each other feel good, yeah?” he continued, pecking your mouth again. “I wanna make you come so hard.”

A low moan sounded from deep within your throat before you started to giggle.

“Does that sound good?” Harry wiggled his brows.

“Yeah,” you nodded. “Sounds amazing.”

“Then get that ass up, baby, and turn around for me,” he demanded, patting your behind.

Once on your knees facing away from him, you braced yourself for a quick thrust. But Harry seemed to have other ideas. Instead, he grabbed your hips and pulled you back so that you sat on his lap. Pushing your hair off your shoulder, he kissed your neck just underneath your ear. Then his other hand found your right breast, cupping it and pinching the nipple between his fingertips.

“That feel good, kitten?” he whispered, his breath tickling your flesh.

“Mmm, yes.”

“Good. Now lift up just a bit and bounce on me.”

Doing as you were told had Harry slipping inside you easily just before you bounced back onto his lap, his cock filling you completely.

“Ohhhh,” you gasped. “Fuck.”

“Mmm yeah, babe, do that again.”

With a deep breath, you exhaled as you lifted up to your knees again. This time, however, Harry met you halfway, thrusting up against you as you came down. When you let out another gasp, Harry groaned in your ear.

“Fuck, princess, just like that. Keep going.”

Though your knees were already starting to shake, it was nothing like the nearly exploding feeling in your core. You could feel him fully, all of him in your pussy. And you couldn’t get enough.

You repeated the movements over and over, each time making your toes curl more and more. Finally, you noticed the thrusts weren’t quite as long, as Harry was practically holding you against him, his arm around your waist as he panted in your ear, giving you continuous words of encouragement.

“Oh, kitten you feel so good,” he whined, sliding his free hand down your belly. “I’m so close already. But I want you to come first, alright?”

“Yes.”

“Are you close, too?”

“Yes!”

His fingertips slipped through your folds and pinched your clit. Your knees buckled and you almost fell forward until Harry pulled you up. You could feel his wet, sticky chest against your back as he guided you to your climax.

“Easy, kitten,” he cooed. “I got you. Come for me, sweetheart. I wanna feel that sweet little cunt dripping all over me.”

“Aaaaaa…” you exclaimed, though it was far from an actual word. “Oh, God! Ohhh Haaarrryy….baaaabyyyyy!!!!”

“That’s it, kitten,” he urged, his finger still circling your swollen nub as he continued his thrusts. “Such a good girl. I love making you feel good, baby.”

With a few more whines and pants, you came down from your high, taking deep breaths and hard swallows.

“Mmm,” Harry growled, then kissed your neck. “It’s not over yet, love.”

You chuckled, placing your hand on his thigh. “I know. Shall I stay here, or you want me somewhere else?”

“I’ll let you pick,” he replied.

“Really?” Lifting yourself up, you turned around to face him. “Cause I’d really like to watch you when you come.”

“You got it, babe,” he grinned. Taking your face in his hands, he kissed you with fervor. Then he rolled you onto your back.

“Are you sore, love?” he asked as he resumed his thrusts.

“Not really,” you gulped. “Only in a good way.”

Harry chuckled, “Alright, good. Cause I want you legs up here.” Grabbing hold of your thighs, he lifted them over his shoulders. “That’s it, kitten. Now, keep your pretty eyes on me.”

You had no problem with that request. His arms around you with your knees next to your ears, you couldn’t do much more than stare at him. And he was a sight to behold. A curl had fallen from his forehead, and he already looked fucked out of his mind. Your entire body was on fire, inside and out. You couldn’t look away if you tried.

Because of his close proximity, his thrusts were short and quick, his cock hitting you in just the right spot every time. You tried your best to keep breathing, though you could already feel yourself teetering close to the edge. And Harry’s grunts didn’t help. He was so sexy, and it turned you on knowing you felt good around him.

“So fucking wet baby, god damn,” he panted. “Can I fuck you like this every night?”

You blinked in surprise until you remembered your words from earlier. With a gentle smile, you nodded. “Yes.”

“Promise? Cause I don’t think I can go another week, sweetheart.”

“Yes,” you swore to him, and as you wrapped your arms around his neck, you knew that it wasn’t a lie.

Harry’s breaths quickened, and with a deep groan, he shut his eyes tight. Then with two more thrusts, his body trembled and he gasped in your ear.

“Fuck. Oh, kitten, you’re amazing.”

Your fingers played in his hair as he laid on your chest. You listened to his breaths for a moment until he looked up at you.

“Please don’t leave,” he said.

“What?”

“Tonight. Don’t leave like last time, please. Stay with me.”

After a pause, you allowed your fingertips to draw shapes across his back. Then with a sigh you said his name.

“Hmm?” he sounded, rolling onto his side next to you.

You turned and looked at him, giving him a smile. “I have no intention of leaving.”

With a grin of his own, Harry pulled you close and kissed you, no other words needed.

Hope you enjoyed! Please like, reblog and comment (or even better send me a message) if you did.

tagging: @kathb59, @kahluamystery97, @triski73, @lovebittenbyevans, @chibijusstuff, @angywritesstuff, @indierockgirrl, @i-dont-want-your-sympathy (you are all ones who commented on part 1 so I hope that's okay.)

[heeliumhaze-elle]

close friends

「synopsis」 — after running into her extremely toxic ex at jake's birthday party last year, y/n seemed to disappear off the face of the planet. the only traces of her were her instagram story posts during her month-long trip to the states at the start of the new year. but other than that, no one had seen or heard from her since that night in november. the boys have speculated that it was because of the run-in with k all those months ago; however, when something y/n posts on her 'close friends' story begins to circulate through their group, they grow increasingly suspicious and angry over their speculations. ... except something about all of this doesn't sit right with heeseung. 「warnings」 — mc suffers from depression & struggles with thoughts of suicide, the boys are kinda petty assholes imo, cursing. please dm me if i missed anything! 「word count」 — 4923 words 「author's note」 — lowercase intended. only slightly proofread. no real plot, rushed ending - like seriously i didn't know how to end it so i just did... this is my first story, so i'm really nervous, lol. this is all fictional. the way the idols are portrayed in this story does not reflect how i view them by any means. 「dedication」 — this story is dedicated to my friend ani - may you always remember that you are never alone, not anymore.

"can you fucking believe her?" asked sunghoon, staring at the screenshot on jungwon's phone.

jake and jay agreed, peering over sunghoon's shoulder to get a better look at the photo. sunoo, who sat opposite the 02z, let out a tired sigh while ni-ki, who sat on the tabletop between jake and sunoo, massaged his temples. meanwhile, jungwon looked at his hyungs uneasily. heeseung wondered if he regretted asking if y/n was okay.

heeseung kept his gaze fixed on his friends as they continued to skim through the now-infamous screenshot.

"literally though, like what the fuck are we then?" ni-ki asked. "how dare she."

"god, no! and then to re-add us to her 'close friends' as if nothing happened," jay added. "like jungwon wouldn't have said anything to us."

"right?" sunoo said, rolling his eyes as he read through the post. "as if he wasn't going to tell us! like hello? he's our best friend!"

"it's like it was about us," jake said. "i'm not here to play these games. if she has a fucking problem with us, she needs to just fucking say so. we're not in high school anymore!"

"... well, except ni-ki," muttered sunoo.

jungwon let out a nervous sigh. "guys, i didn't mean to start anything-."

"no!" jay interrupted. "jake's right. we're all old enough. she needs to use her fucking words. she has a problem with us, just fucking say so. don't fucking act like we're all 'good' when it's clearly about us."

"because what the hell did we ever do to her?" sunghoon demanded.

all the while, jungwon's phone was making its rounds to each of the boys. and soon, the phone was in heeseung's hands. he was finally able to read the screenshot that started this entire uproar.

... and he was gutted.

"my sleep schedule is so fucked as of lately. all i do is lay in bed for 85-90% of my day. i can't keep pretending i'm jet-lagged from my trip to the states. i desperately crave to get out of the house to do things with other people, but i literally have no friends here — outside the ones that i made at work. even when i try to do things on my own, it's just so mentally taxing that i end up sleeping for 24+ hours after attempting to make myself feel better. it's a lot, i guess.

"... if i wasn't so afraid of death and dying, then maybe-."

heeseung felt his heart drop. he forced himself to stop reading; he couldn't continue, knowing that's where y/n's mind went.

how long had y/n been feeling this way? was there truth in what the other boys were saying? was this post about them?

shaking his head, heeseung refocused his attention on his friends. they all sat around him, angered by the post that y/n had made just the day before. the only person - save for himself - who wasn't mad about what y/n posted was jungwon. but heeseung couldn't tell if that was because he was still able to view her close friends story on instagram or if jungwon was genuinely worried about y/n.

even if the post was about them, heeseung told himself that that was the least of their concerns. the only thing that mattered to him (and he was surprised that his friends didn't seem to think similarly on the subject) was how y/n felt.

as the others went on to bash y/n for posting that and not being upfront with them about her feelings, heeseung handed jungwon back his phone.

"like honestly, i thought we were friends. what is her problem?" sunghoon circled back.

heeseung stood from his seat at the park table, white-knuckled fists suddenly clenched at his side. he startled the others with how abruptly he got up, but he didn't seem to care. "are you all fucking hearing yourself right now?"

"did you not just see what she posted yesterday?" jay asked.

ni-ki looked up at his hyung and added, "and she's so messy for re-adding us to her close friends list. if it wasn't for jungwon hyung, we wouldn't have ever seen this. so i bet she thinks she got away with talking shit about us like that."

"that's exactly what she was thinking!" jake chimed in.

heeseung didn't stay to hear what his insensitive friends had to say next. he simply told the five of them to "fuck off" and bid jungwon goodbye before storming off from the scene. as he neared his car, he reached for his phone from his back pocket; he wanted to text y/n. he needed to! however, upon closer inspection, he realized that his phone was out of battery. and of course, today was the day his car's charging cable broke!

groaning to himself, heeseung let himself into his vehicle and just drove. with his phone dead, there was no way for him to reach y/n to give her the heads-up that he'd be arriving anytime soon... but he also figured - given what he had read only minutes and minutes ago - that she would be home regardless.

his thoughts drifted back to y/n. he kept wondering how long she had been feeling that way. he wondered if she felt lonely because while she was locked away in her apartment, the rest of them were still going to each other's houses and planning group excursions... excursions, heeseung came to realize, that y/n wasn't invited to.

fuck! he thought as he came to a red light. if that post truly was about him and the rest of the guys, was it not deserved? he thought back to all the times that they went out without inviting y/n and he wondered if her fomo eventually got so bad she thought that they had silently kicked her out of the friend group. no... there's no way she thought that! right? y/n had a lot more sense than to think that a few outings without her meant that they no longer wanted to be her friend. right?!

the light stayed red as heeseung's mind swirled with several different thoughts. there was more to the post. heeseung knew that. granted, he didn't read it as thoroughly as his friends had, but he had skimmed through it quickly enough. the others were so hung up on the fact that y/n said she didn't have any friends; heeseung also guessed they were angry over the little bits of text that followed her dark thoughts. but... was she wrong to say all those things? the other seemed to think so. so much so that they completely ignored the blatant cry for help that was the entirety of y/n's post.

when the light finally turned green, heeseung couldn't stop thinking about the first line of the last paragraph. "...if i wasn't so afraid of death and dying, then maybe all of this would be so much easier."

in the three years that heeseung had gotten to know y/n, he had to admit that he was very aware of how dangerously dark her thoughts could be. there were moments when he wouldn't hear from her for weeks at a time. he remembered how y/n would lament on the droves of friends she had lost in the years prior because they hated when she would fall into her slump. after all, she wouldn't text anyone for days at a time; he recalled how when she recalled those memories, it somehow always ended with the friends telling her that she was selfish or that she wasn't trying hard enough to get better.

heeseung quickly parked his car in the guest space of y/n's apartment complex. from his spot, he could see the curtains of her bedroom window weren't drawn, but the window was cracked opened ever-so-slightly. he found himself devising a plan b in case y/n didn't come to the door and it involved somehow shimmying up to the second floor and busting through her window.

without another moment to lose, he rapidly bashed his pointer finger against the doorbell. at least if she was sleeping, he was certain that this'd wake her up!

not even a minute had gone by when y/n flung her apartment door open. heeseung took in the sight of her. her hair, a tangled, matted mess. if he had to guess, he assumed her knots were much worse at the back of her head. he noted that the fullness of her cheeks had vanished. she looked so gaunt compared to the last time he saw her; he wondered when the last time she ate was... or at least when the last time she ate anything of sustenance was.

y/n looked at heeseung with tired eyes. she frowned for a moment, only to replace it with a sad smile.

"have you come to air your grievances with me in person?" she said in a strained whisper.

if heeseung had been gutted before, he had no idea what this new feeling was. whatever it was though, it shattered whatever was left of him. he had known y/n to have horrible episodes of hopelessness and defeat, but this was too much for him to bear. he couldn't even begin to imagine how she was feeling. she was a shell of herself.

"... what are you talking about?" he asked gently.

"i just thought..." y/n let out a deep, long sigh. she looked down at her hello kitty house slippers, not finishing her thought aloud. she tightly wrapped her arms around herself as she stroked her right upper arm slowly.

instinctively, heeseung removed his coat and draped it over y/n. her bloodshot, tired eyes looked up at him once more. he wanted to hold her. to make her feel his warmth. to make her feel his love. he just wanted her to see she wasn't alone anymore.

"you just thought what?" he asked as y/n ushered him inside.

she shut the door behind her and wordlessly led him to the small couch in her living room. heeseung saw the nest she had created for herself with her blankets, pillows, and plushies in the dark space. the only source of light came from her muted television, which was currently airing reruns of old cartoons from the 1990s and the early 2000s. there were torn-up bags of chips (some empty and some half-full), unfinished, open bottles of soju and cans of beer, and a plethora of takeout boxes scattered around her little nest across her tiny coffee table. trash and dirty laundry lined the floor around her couch.

"sorry about the mess. i haven't had visitors in over six months now..."

six months. the last time anyone had seen y/n had been over seven months ago. sure, they had seen her posting all about her trip back to the states a month ago, but no one had physically been in her presence in over half a year. heeseung wanted to kick himself. why hadn't he visited sooner?

"no... please don't apologize-."

"i'm embarrassed," she whispered, trying to make space on the couch by tossing all of her used bedding to the floor.

heeseung stopped her in time, insisting that it was fine. after all, he had been the one to show up unannounced.

"what were you talking about before, y/n?" heeseung tried holding her gaze, but she quickly averted her eyes to her slippers once more. "what grievances are you talking about?"

every sigh that escaped y/n's lips was a dagger to heeseung's heart. he watched as she struggled to find the words to say. sensing her panic, heeseung guided her into her cocoon of blankets - making some room for himself as well. the two of them sat side-by-side in silence. he could wait all day for her to reply, especially if it meant not leaving her alone in this state.

"your friends," y/n reached for her phone from the recesses of her blankets, "they all texted me these paragraphs about something that i posted privately yesterday."

WHAT?!

heeseung could feel his blood boiling. "how do you mean?"

PARAGRAPHS?!

y/n unlocked her phone and handed the device to the man beside her. just as soon as he got a hold of her phone, she quickly retracted her hand and brought it to her eyes, rubbing away at them.

heeseung first watched as y/n began to curl up into a ball, then he directed his attention to her phone. upon first glance at her message app, he noticed that there were three circles pinned to the top: two group chats - one called "ohana 👑" and the other "the tortured poets department 🖊️" - and a silly selfie of him and y/n with the nickname "evan lee 💜" plastered just below it. a blush danced upon his cheeks at the sight of it all.

however, the warmth in his cheeks lasted for only a millisecond as his eyes fell just below their text thread; it appeared that ni-ki, jay, sunghoon, jake, and sunoo all sent messages to y/n in the time that it took for heeseung to arrive. heeseung tapped at the most recent of the texts, sunoo's. he repeated the process with jake's, sunghoon's, jay's, and finally, ni-ki's texts. with each scroll through of texts from his friends, he found himself getting angrier and angrier at them. especially after reading y/n's responses to each of them.

it was hard to tell tone over text, but heeseung knew his friends well. each message to y/n was crafted uniquely and in the sender's own words, but the gist of what they were saying was all the same.

they each started their message by telling y/n that they had been with jungwon the day before and how he had asked them if she was okay. they all state that they didn't know what he could possibly be talking about until jungwon mentioned that it was in reference to her instagram story - a story he failed to mention was only for close friends.

jay and sunoo went on to say that they didn't mind that they couldn't see her story; y/n was allowed to pick and choose who she wanted to see those stories. jake, ni-ki, and sunghoon - on the other hand - took major offense into not being able to see her story, considering "everything" they had been through "together with k". they all mentioned how deeply hurt they were by the fact that y/n said she had not friends. ni-ki had gone as far as to say, "i thought that me and the hyungs were your friends. but i guess not, huh?"

they then followed up their emotions with the same statements they were exclaiming at the park, about how if y/n had something to say about them to just outright say it and not dabble in this "high school bullshit and make everyone play this stupid game where they have to figure out what the hell it is they did wrong" (as jake put it in his text). in sunoo's message, he claimed that he was only reaching out to y/n because he wanted to be upfront with her and couldn't think of a single thing he might have done to offend her. jay and sunghoon continued to stress the fact that their text wasn't meant to be read as an attack, but they "wanted to be adults about the situation instead of resorting to petty, childish drama" because they too couldn't think of anything to warrant such a post from y/n. ni-ki drew from the fact that he and the rest of the boys were hurting over this and how it was "shady and cringy" to post a story like that on her social media account; he accused her of just wanting attention because he "didn't do anything wrong" so for her to post that with the implication that he had irritate the maknae to no end.

just like that, each of them wrapped up their lengthy chunks of text to y/n with such vitriol that heeseung couldn't believe that these were his friends. he knew they were coming from a place of hurt, but he was surprised that they didn't see y/n's post for what it truly was: a cry for help.

instead, they turned her raw emotions into their hurt egos. they decided to take bits and pieces of y/n's story and mold it into this narrative where she attempted to assassinate their characters. it went from being a post about how utterly depressed and pathetic she felt to being a post about them.

and heeseung was livid.

with all of them.

when had they become so self-important? if they were truly y/n's friends like they had so furiously claimed to be, why hadn't any of them asked if she was okay? even jungwon failed to ask her, opting instead to ask his hyungs and ni-ki - which, arguably got everyone in this mess in the first place.

heeseung felt his mind drift back to y/n's reply to each of the boys' texts. while he didn't read every single one, he did read the only one that got a text back, y/n's text to ni-ki. it was a long, heartfelt apology from y/n; heeseung could see how this whole mess was tearing her up inside just from her words to ni-ki alone. but he got even madder when he got to her parting words, only to see that ni-ki had replied with, "k. thanks for reaching out. i just need time for myself if i'm being honest. bye."

before he could say anything, heeseung was brought back to reality when he caught y/n silently sobbing into her hands from the corner of his eye.

"i'm sorry!" she whispered. over and over again. each time more broken than the last.

heeseung gently pulled her closer to his chestm cradling her to him as he rubbed his thumb against her back in an effort to comfort her. "you have nothing to be sorry for..."

"i hurt everyone's feelings-!"

"fuck them," heeseung growled, holding her tighter. "i'm sorry. i'm sorry that they let their egos get in the way of being decent human beings. i'm sorry that you've felt so alone for the last few months. i'm sorry that i haven't shown up for you in the way that you needed someone to be there."

y/n cried harder. "i... i... i... i didn't... i didn't mean..." her hiccups were affecting the rhythm of her speech. "i didn't mean that... that we weren't friends! i just... i just felt-."

"shhhh," he soothed as she shuddered under his embrace. "we haven't been very good friends to you as of lately, anyway. they're like my brothers and i love them, but those messages alone... we haven't been decent friends to you. i can understand how easy it is to feel like you're this lonely, little island, especially when the rest of us are still going out and making no effort to see how you're doing.

"i saw their messages to you. in ni-ki's case specifically, i scrolled up a little too far and saw that you've spent the last half of these past few months messaging him little things like tiktoks and memes only for him to like them or reply to you with one word. have you been reaching out to the rest of the boys?"

he felt her nod against his chest.

oh... so he was the only one to not have heard from her. the green-eyed monster crept into his thoughts momentarily, only for him to realize that the others' text threads were probably just as dry as ni-ki's.

"i'm really sorry that i didn't reach out to you sooner," heeseung sighed. "i really don't know what i was thinking. i'm sorry that you've felt so alone."

once y/n had calmed down enough to stop her hiccups, she excused herself to grab a glass of water. she asked heeseung if he wanted anything while she was up, but he declined - instead offering to get the glass for her. she appreciated the gesture but went to get the water herself.

this moment alone left heeseung in his thoughts again. he didn't want her to have to recount anything to him if she didn't want to, but he still needed to know. in her text to ni-ki, she said that she hadn't meant to keep jungwon on her list of close friends. that what she posted hadn't meant to be for the people she had met in south korea; it was for her friends back home - as a way to vent out the frustrations she hadn't known how to put into words for her korean audience. these frustrations, from what heeseung could gather, were things she wasn't ready to tell him or the others.

but the others had practically forced it out of her in her apologies to them...

... and ni-ki had the gall to tell her that he needed time and space from her. the rest left her on read - as if only turning their read receipts on for this moment alone.

heeseung could feel himself getting worked up all over again. gripping tightly at the fabric of his jeans, he sat up straighter when he heard y/n coming back to the darkened living room.

"i'm sorry," y/n whispered as she neared him.

heeseung stared up at her helplessly as she sat beside him. "no, there's nothing to be-."

"i meant to take all of you off my 'close friends' list. it wasn't because i didn't think we were friends; there are just some things from my past that i'm not ready to talk about with you guys yet-."

"and you don't have to! i'm sorry that the rest of them think that you owe us that..."

"i mean... they thought it was about them; they just wanted to clear things up and let how they were feeling be known," y/n said with a sigh, pulling heeseung's coat closer to her chest. "i offended them. i respect them from being upfront about their feelings-."

"IT'S FUCKING BULLSHIT!" heeseung stood up to face y/n. "WHY ARE THEY ALLOWED TO EXPRESS THEIR EMOTIONS LIKE THAT AND YOU'RE NOT?"

regret washed over heeseung as he noticed y/n's sullen eyes widen. she bit her quivering lips and heeseung wanted to punch himself in the face.

"sorry," he muttered. "i didn't mean to blow up like that. i just..."

heeseung knelt before y/n.

"no, it's okay," she said, avoiding his gaze.

"it's not... and what the guys did isn't okay either. yeah, they confronted you because they thought it was about them and they want to clear the air, but there's a way to go about that. and for ni-ki to go off on your like that only to leave you with that 'i need space' bullshit of a text-."

"he's just a kid."

"i get that, but i have no idea where the boys get off with being so... i don't know... vain? for lack of a better word. their reactions just feel so... guilty. as if they had done something-."

"i was being extremely vague in my post."

heeseung took y/n's shaking hands, finally holding her gaze as she looked at him. she seemed shocked by the physical interaction; he wondered how long it had been since she had touched another person outside their hug minutes ago.

"exactly! if it wasn't about them, but they somehow found a way to relate to it? i don't know... again, i think they're acting out of guilt," heeseung caressed the back of her hands with his thumb.

y/n gave heeseung a sad smile. "i get their side. with the way i worded everything, i can see how they relate what i wrote with the way everyone handled everything between k and me a few years ago."

heeseung felt y/n rip her hands away from his as she buried her face into her hands. sitting back on the couch, he pulled her into another hug; she didn't seem to be crying again, but he couldn't be too sure anymore. y/n hadn't mentioned her past relationship with k since their nasty breakup, but he remembered how unbothered she had been upon seeing him seven months ago at jake's birthday party. he also remembered how angered y/n had been - despite being unbothered at k's initial presence - because he attempted to approach her while she was alone at the open bar, grabbing refills for heeseung, sunghoon, and herself.

"... did the post have anything to do with k?" heeseung asked. he felt her go stiff at the mention of her ex-boyfriend before shaking her head against his chest and letting out a small sniffle. "okay, then? so the boys had nothing to worry about. it's just this huge misunderstanding. if they want to hold it against you, fuck 'em."

"i still really hurt their feelings."

"you apologized. did they?"

y/n pushed heeseung away to hug her legs to her chest. she shook her head. "but... a selfish part of me really feels like i'm owed one."

"it's not selfish - especially after you cleared it up with them. they jumped conclusions and said extremely hurtful things to you. if they truly did no wrong - which who knows, maybe they didn't do anything wrong! - i don't know... maybe they shouldn't have been so defensive. i don't know! maybe it's just me... but their behavior is downright embarrassing!"

with another sigh, y/n leaned against heeseung, who instantly wrapped his arm around her; it felt just like before, like no time had passed between the two of them. like there wasn't this mix of guilt, hopelessness, and despair in the air between them.

"embarrassing?"

"how else would your describe it when you make someone else's trauma and hurting about you?" heeseung asked, giving y/n's shoulder a tight squeeze. "y/n, i know you. i know you're not going to hold this another the boys, but i think their reaction to all of this is downright stupid. you talked about some pretty serious stuff in your post, but they pushed past that to complain that you might have posted about them. that doesn't sit right with me-."

"it's not that deep, hee-."

"except it is, y/n! this is exactly what happened with k hyung after you two broke up and more recently after jake's party. specifically after jake's party, you posted something privately about how hard things have been on your end and how it was affecting your mental health; someone shared it with him and he confronted you-."

"k apologized-."

"but then he immediately turned the conversation into 'i'm sorry, but also you hurt me!' and then you two only focused on his feelings!" heeseung thought back to that time. "i just... i feel like the boys took whatever was posted in the wrong direction. and even then, it wasn't even aimed in their direction to begin with! there are worse things to be done and that have been done than taking someone off your story then putting them back on..."

y/n pressed herself closer to heeseung as he continued.

"and honestly... whatever was actually said in your story was so much bigger than their feelings being hurt, y/n. because we both know that wasn't what it was about."

"hee..."

"look, i know... i know that you never meant for any of us to see it, but we did. and instead of seeing it for what it was, most of them made it about themselves. and i'm sorry for that. i'm sorry that we haven't been good friends to you lately - to the point where you felt like we weren't your friends to begin with. they're allowed to be hurt over it if they truly think that it's about them, but they can't just ambush you like that and then close the discussion when you clear the air and open it up for them. honestly, with the way all of this was handled, i wouldn't be surprised if you still stood by that statement! it's almost like... at every turn, you're reprimanded in some way for posting about your feelings. someone always has to take it out of context and make it about themselves.

"you literally told every single one of them that it had nothing to do with them and they have the audacity to sit there and say that they need time away from you? again, that doesn't sit right with me! why are you made to be the problem in every situation you're stuck to struggle with!"

there was still so much more heeseung had wanted to say, but the sounds of y/n's violent sobs had stopped him. she began to wail into his chest again and she squeezed him closer to her. heeseung felt his heart breaking as he looked down at one of his best friends. she wept loudly, screaming incoherent phrases into him while heeseung held her tightly.

"i'm sorry," heeseung whispered into her hair, pulling her onto his lap. "i'm sorry that i wasn't there for you before... i'm sorry that it's taken me so long to see how much you've been hurting. i'm sorry for everything. but i'm here now."

[sucuretcannelle]

hi! i briefly remember you saying that you're into if's, so i was wondering what your favorites are

Sighs and shakes a red cup full of ice

Nobody thinks I'm a nerd till they hear the way I talk about interactive fiction...no one knows...

Anyway I started playing IF's in like December. Time flies

This is kind of in order? Of like enjoyment. HOWEVER take this with a grain of salt because I was sitting here trying to rearrange them (except the top 3) for 40 minutes. If it was mentioned, it's good 🙂‍↕️

1. The six that thrive by @the-six-that-thrive-if —

the way I was playing this bro. I wouldn't let myself sleep until I was done with the demo and not because it felt like I had to, but I knew I would be PISSED if I went to bed without absorbing all the content (Dante give me a chance PLEASE 🙏🙏🙏). Anyway the hierarchy system reminds me of the one that I have for the way I wrote hell and I was like 🫵 OMG THATS SO COOL.

Key factor that I appreciate: Dialogue, descriptions, and transitions. Dante is deadass so funny I'm not even playing bro. Buddy how do you write like that, lmk. Also the official art has me gnawing at the bars of my enclosure

2. College Tennis: Origin Story by @collegetennisoriginstory — I ACTUALLY HAVE A FUCKING PROBLEM BRO. LOOK. IN MY HEAD, I WAS IGNORING THAT THEY WERE PLAYING TENNIS SO I WAS VISUALIZING VOLLEYBALL. SO AT SOME POINT I READ THE WORD RACKET AND I WAS LIKE WHAT ARE WE PLAYING???

Key factor that I appreciate: Skill checks, attention to side characters, amazing use of character tropes. Idk how to describe it but the writing felt so CLEAN. Like so organized and orderly. Plus I wanna study all of the characters under a microscope

3. Superstition (omg first IF I ever played) by @13leaguestories — I played this while I was sick and that's literally all I did for 2 days besides eating and sleeping. Am I okay? Yeah cuz it happened in December but like I was OBSESSED. And ashamed. My friend told me i would be into Zillah and she was right. I haven't recovered. I promise I'm in therapy.

Key factor that I appreciate: The fact that there was always something going on. Literally at least 3 things were happening at the same time, all the time, and it kept my lil depressed ass stimulated. Who could ask for more

4. Infamous by @infamous-if — this game makes me scared of commitment cuz I can't have Orion and Griffin😐 I might be biased because. I sing! So I was just really connected to this story immediately. Either way, one of my favs cuz the writing is saurrrr good, makes ya feel

Key factor that I appreciate — Infamous is generally well rounded, so I don't feel like it's LACKING in anything. Me gusta.

5. Mind blind by @mindblindbard — I have a problem so I'm a stereotypical Rosie fan. But anyway I personally loved this one because of the world building, even tho I'm a character-focused girlie. Plus the game is so funny for no reason

Key factor that I appreciate— I actually really like the MC in general. Which is funny to say, because they're supposed to be you, but MC's are different from game to game, and I like this one

6. Soulmates Inc by @soulmatesinc-if — idk with some games, it's just the vibe. Like the vibe is right so I'll read it (which like...it's hard for me to find games where the vibe is what drags me along. Tis really good)

Key factor I appreciate — Wyatt. omg who said that...I also love this game's take on soulmates. It's simple, but original, and I fw it

7. Nine Blood Dances by @nineblooddances-if— I'm boutta cry, how did you end up here twice without me noticing bro. Idk this one and TSTT have like, vibes that are connected by a small string, and I did play this one first if that matters.

Key factor that I enjoyed: It felt very structured, and again, clean. I really don't know what this feeling is

8. When Twilight Strikes by @evertidings — I love ALL the characters because damn near all of them pissed me off once. That's actually impressive /pos. Anyway Rylan hit my line

Key factor that I enjoyed: watching my relationship descriptions change. Some left me devastated stop... Like sorry A you're driving me nuts...

Honorable mentions:

Apartment 502 by @apt502-if — I can't wait to see the future parts cuz like I like it but I cant analyze any of the characters yet. But trust me I'm ready 📝

The Kings Hound by @the-kingshound — Same typa situation was Apartment 502... I'm waiting...patiently 📝

[molinaesque]

Cooper Howard and Lucy MacLean's rare and wonderful dynamic (and how it's ultimately alright if they don't become "endgame" or whatever)

First off... I'm saying this as a HUGE ghoulcy shipper btw. I don't wanna hear about some bullshit about how "you just don't like the ship" or something dumb like that (have you SEEN the state of my blog??). I ADORE this ship. These are also ultimately my own thoughts. Do not be affronted if this somehow doesn't apply to your hcs. At the end of the day, this is fiction, nothing more.

Something I have to note on about the wonderful dynamic between Cooper and Lucy. Even if ghoulcy stays platonic, I'm fine with it because this is the closest dynamic to Jack/Liz from 30 Rock that l've seen, and if anyone's seen that show, you KNOW what I'm talking about. Let me explain.

Jack/Liz were two v complex characters that had so much chemistry but the way their "relationship" worked was so unique in that they were never romantic but they're WAY more than just colleagues/ friends, etc. There was literally an article titled like "why you'll never see this kind of relationship in television again" and ghoulcy has the potential to be that again which is still GREAT! It even goes on to talk about how they're COMPLETE AND POLAR OPPOSITES but the dynamic still works and how they feed off of each other in the only way no other characters can. The "dynamic" is THEIRS and theirs only. Seem familiar?

From what we're getting not just in the Fallout show but from interviews with the actors and creatives involved, we're already getting that special dynamic. However, I must stress that many of the comments and those interviews (imo) are sometimes taken TOO literally. The existing text and subtext of the ship is already abundant and ripe so I feel like not EVERYTHING has to be referred to the ship and the ship only. I know it's mostly funsies but I legit wonder if some of this is taken too seriously to the point of misconstruing an actor's words and getting tunnel vision JUST for the sake of the ship and ship only, in turn cheapening what is already there. Kinda like what I've seen with people having to vilify Barb further with unnecessary inferences to scenes that give her more layers (like questioning her genuine love for Janey and Cooper. She can be loving AND a villain y'all. Both things don't have to be mutually exclusive) EVEN THOUGH SHE IS CLEARLY VILIFIED BY THE SHOW BY THE REVEAL SO WHY MAKE UP STUFF? To "punish" her more?? Apologies but this kinda reads as "I need to prop up my ship further so I MUST degrade the other ship" even though it's again... SUPER UNNECESSARY (I must stress I've seen this on ALL sides of shipping/character stanning. Both sides suck when you engage in this behaviour). Have fun and faith in the strength of your ships (ESPECIALLY if they're not "canon" adjacent)!

Anyway, as I was saying...

Going back to 30 Rock, there's literally a scene in the show where they get married due to shenanigans, they get in a big fight the whole episode and in the end sit down and have the most revealing discussion with a councilor about why they're so much more complex than typical relationship. And another scene where they sleep in the same bed together and addressed why they never hooked up with each other and why that's okay. By the way, I was also a HUGE shipper of these two... But I was fine with how they ended up with because the story of their special relationship that makes them uniquely THEM was clear and concise. This did not stop me from reading fics where they make kissy faces. It is possible to do both and I think some ppl tend to forget this.

I'm not saying this for the antis (don't like what you don't like, but if you harass shippers then you can suck eggs and leave. This applies to shippers to non shippers too btw. Be. Nice.), I'm saying all this because I want shippers to not "despair" if the ship that they've become so invested in doesn't come to fruition (and not go overboard into thinking that writers should listen to whatever audiences want all the time, we've been down this road SO many times, it's terrible. Do we REALLY need to talk about how The Rise of Skywalker turned out the way it did due to unnecessary pressure from the loudest antis/asshats in fandom? I think not). Maybe this is also more towards the younger audience members as a cautionary tale because we old ass millenials have seen and been through this but didn't have the immediacy of social media at our finger tips, so it was kinda easier to not be as reactionary. I don't like playing the "you youngins don't know what it was like" card, but at some points it is just a statement of reality. Some of you are/were LITERALLY too young to have experienced this.

Ultimately, what I'm saying is even if ghoulcy doesn't become "romantic", I'm fine with it as long as they stay within the "something more/beyond definition" dynamic which is ALWAYS refreshing to see. Give us more "what are we"! Give us more "it's complicated"! Give us more "we can't be summarized in neat little boxes"!

As long as they don't end up in the pit of "one dimensional interpretation of the Found Family trope which is somehow only just Familial and in this instance Father-Daughter". Please, I BEG. Nothing wrong for people to like this dynamic, but to immediately categorize this into that box is just... Tiresome. You can make the same arguments about "shipping two living beings together on screen all the time" too for sure... But again it leads to my point of if we're going the platonic route how about we NOT just shove it in the same boring dynamic of Father-Daughter that if you want, can find in multitudes of other forms of existing fictional media.

Tldr; have fun but always remember this is all fictional media in the end where we play with dolls in a sandbox. Just remember to BE. NORMAL. and not forget this and start shitting in it and flinging poo at each other. That goes with relationships with creators of said media too. Do NOT become parasocial and expect everything to be catered to you. The creators want to tell a story THEY came up with in the first place.

LET THEM.

[lotusmi]

hii! I wanted to share a sucess story !! I thought abt sharing this for a while now because it changed my whole life.

TW! suicidal thoughts

I’m lia, 16 and diagnosed with last stage brain cancer. I got diagnosed in september 2022. The doctors told me theres nothing they can do cause my brain already started to shut down (problems with speaking, not being able to move some parts of my body). Therapy’s didnt work and they werent able to do a surgery because the chance I’d pass was too high. They basically just kept me alive in the hospital. I cried a lot the last months and thought that it would be better if i go by myself if you know what I mean.

In january I discovered the LOA and I was like what no way but i tried it out and simply said IT WORKED.

I woke up a few weeks ago and were able to move my body like its supposed to be and i were able to speak properly. I screamed and my mum woke up cause of the way i screamed😭(she had a bed next to me in hospital cause she didnt want to leave me)

When the doctor came in he asked whats wrong and i explained everything, He checked me and he was shocked cause the tumor got smaler and stopped affecting parts of my brain. He literally didnt spoke for minutes cause it was 100% safe i’d die in the next weeks. The last few days i had daily check ups and the tumor is gone. FULLY GONE.

I’m so happy i cant even describe how i feel. Its still too much for me to comprehend. I’m able to go out with friends without worrying abt anything & more.

If you read till here, thank you. Dont give up. LOA IS REAL!!

Suuuuuccessss storyyyyy 😭omg angel I am about to cryy!! 💕💗😭

Hi Lia! I don't even know where to start. I am with no words. I can't even express how much I am happy and pround of you. How every word you said made me feel exactly how you felt, I am so much happy for you. This is so beautiful, you are of course an amazing person, and I am sure you deserve all the best in this world and in all other realities. Again, I am so pround of you. I am so pround that you made it, I am so pround of how you was strong. I am so happy you shared this wonderful story with me. I hope you keep sending me asks of all the success I know your life will made of! I am sure you will live all your biggest dreams!

Congrats, my angel! 💕🎀💐🌷 🌼 🌻 🌼 🌻

ps: your name is so pretty! 💌

[roseadleyn]

Lidia‘s SA was handled even worse. Sjm would have lidia fuck Ruhn in mind at the same time she’s getting SA‘ed by her ex. Lidia never received proper time to heal from that sh*t. The moment Ruhnlidia made up in the third book they had mf sex.

Nesta had sex with Cassian right after getting SA‘ed by that weirdo kelpie from the lake, and that other time when Lanthys made her see that vision in which he SA‘ed her too. The SA from Tomas was also never properly acknowledged.

At least Gwyn had 2 years to recover. Most SA survivors in her books don’t receive much time to at least process it all before fucking. You’re telling me Rhys is all cool with going down on Feyre after 50 years of SA? Feyre can easily forget the sh*t Rhys did to her utm? Great.

If Gwynriel is canon, Sjm will most definitely fuck up her trauma like she always does.

Sjm: „Oh you were touched against your will?“

Sjm: „Here have a cock. That will heal you quickly!“

Worst of all is that the sex is always so… rough? Specifically for Nesta. At least worship her and make her feel safe instead of dicking her down like she‘s a good one night stand. Poor girl.

ya i'm just realizing that gwyn is at least not as bad as nesta or feyre or lucien or rhys or lidia. i haven't read any other sjm books but i know abt lidia and that's insane 😭 it's like she doesn't know how to write intimacy. it's like she thinks emotional connections only exist in sex.

it was insane how feyre only rescued lucien from being raped because she remembered her darling rhys and not because lucien is her first friend and also it's just the MORAL THING TO DO

( also why is it that everytime a couple fights in sjm's novels, they always have sex when they make up? i get that angry makeup sex is soo hot etc but like can no one have a conversation? can she not show how sometimes issues are talked out not fucked out? )

do NOT i hate how she wrote nesta i hate everything abt it. nesta was assaulted by tomas and when he found out he restrained her against the wall??? in the same manner tomas would have?? also i'm never going to forget how cassian tugged at the skirts of her dress and asked her 'what're you hiding under all this anyways?' without her consent, during a time in which they didn't like each other, and he was there on diplomatic purposes.

and i just checked but literally RIGHT after she was sa-ed by the kelpie, cassian not only had sex with her but he left her without any aftercare. bed still warm. rough sex as if she's a one night stand. she's sexually assaulted and then left wondering if cassian was 'punishing' her by leaving immediately. ugh i despise him i hate him.

and rhys? he literally has one (1) traumatic flashback to his trauma and whoop that's it yall we're done. and feyre wearing the same clothes she was wearing when she got assaulted for rhys, even though rhys was the one who assaulted her.

it pushes an extremely unhealthy narrative. very young girls (literally 15-16 year olds) read these books and they'll think these toxic, unrealistic, unhealthy dynamics are normal. it's so concerning and i hate the entire genre of dark romance for it but that's a story for some other angry rant

i hate the rough jackhammering sex. i fear she's gonna do the same shit with elain and lucien (😭). nesta deserves to be worshipped and praised and then given plenty of aftercare free my girlll

( for acotar stans who for some reason go into anti tags: do not interact u will be BLOCKED !!! okay bye 💋 )

[berryz-writes]

Grayson Hawthorne Headcanons- when he was younger

He took ages to sleep. Playing chess games with himself, trying to draw the world map by memory literally did anything to fall asleep faster

Sometimes when he had nightmares he would just lay in bed knowing that Jameson would come to his room first. Once he did they would talk about things (never about their nightmares) but just in general. Once he knew Jameson was asleep he would finally sleep as well

Always took care of Xander even if it meant being the uptight brother

Wanted his mothers attention so would draw her cute cards and gave her flowers that he had dug up from the gardens

When he was bored, if his grandfather was at home he would follow him around sometimes discretely to see what he did and how he acted (he wanted tips on what to do once he got the fortune)

Being super young, Grayson sometimes wondered down corridors, just so he could get lost and then maybe he would get a little attention and someone would come find him

Instead he just found his way back to his room because obvs he's extremely smart

He also made up a lot of games for him, Xander and Jameson to play when they were younger

Always asked Nash for advice before doing anything because he didn't want to do it wrong

Never or barely cried in front of everyone because he didn't want to be seen as weak

He was a quiet child in class but always put his hand up to give the answer

Liked it when Jameson joined his school because Jameson was able to make friends in a heartbeat with literally everyone

Didn't trust his friends completely but he did enjoy spending time with them

His favourite extra curricular was Photography which he had joined because he had wanted to create memories that lasted forever

He is naturally good at drawing/art.

When he was small and the boys had a maid he would tell her "Please could you style my hair so it looks neat?" Cared about his presentation when he was like 6 years old

Also was always so so polite. His teachers always complimented his manners in parent meetings

Great at sports especially cricket but he's not really a fan of how long the game is

Whenever he wanted something he would whisper it at first "Could I please have the crayon?" He had to repeat himself like twice before the other children could hear him

Wasn't necessarily a shy child but he was quiet compared to Jamie

Jamie and Gray always get compared by teachers "You sure he's your brother? He's the complete opposite"

Anytime any child made eye contact with him he would give them the sweetest smile his dimples showing.

He didn't have very close friends but everyone in the class liked him so he was voted for class president quite a few times

His uniform was always so clean like there would not be a spot of dirt on his clothes. He was a clean child.

Unlike Xander who always had paint splotches down his shirt

When Xander was super young like 4 years old, all 3 of them would go to Nash's room and make him read a bed time story on Saturday nights

Slowly this tradition changed to Grayson also getting a part in reading. Xander and Jamie would fall asleep and so whenever it was Jameson's turn to read he had fallen asleep

Nash would ask if he wanted to sleep here as well but because Grayson likes to be independent he would leave to his own room- half an hour later he would creep into Nash's room and sleep next to Xander

Also still liked spending time by himself. Finding a comfy corner in the library to read his favourite book to escape for a bit- he would usually find Jamie here as well seen as though he loves reading

When he was quite young he insisted on having an opticians appointment because he thought people with glasses were smarter. Of course he turned out to have 20-20 vision.

He is the most hot fucking person in the whole of Hawthorne house

[waterfire1848]

AU where Azulon was adopted, and by adopted I mean, Sozin stole him after his parents conveniently died because Sozin is so old and his genes are probably compromised. Also I could easily imagine Sozin getting desperate enough to steal someone's kid and bury the evidence as I imagine he forgot to have kids due to being angry Roku told him to fuck off or the kids he did have weren't benders so he banished them and didn't want another failure.

Hello, @deadlyangelofpurity !!!

Sozin becomes so focused on the comet that he forgets he's supposed to have children. After Roku dies, Sozin realizes that he needs to have some children of his own. He is the Fire Lord so there are one or two kids with his blood running around but they're all either nonbenders or weak benders so Sozin doesn't claim any of them. He's in his old age when he really starts to see that he needs to have some children, desperately. He goes to his inner council, a group of two or three men that are the Fire Lord's closest allies, are tells them about his worry. One of the men says he knows of a friend, an admiral, who just had a son with incredibly bending ability. After Sozin gets more information on the baby boy, he orders the infant brought to him and his parents killed. To the Fire Nation, the story is that a happy couple and their baby were sadly killed in a fire started by the admiral during a fight. Meanwhile, their Fire Lord just announced a healthy baby boy (with no mother in sight) and named him Prince Azulon, his rightful heir.

It's kept under wraps throughout Azulon's life that he's not related to Sozin by blood. The whole point of the Royal Family's rule is that they receive it by being blood related to "supposedly" Agni. So if it were to come out that Azulon isn't related to Sozin by blood then that opens the floodgates for people to potentially challenge his rule down the line. That being said, it's clear to literally everyone that Sozin had a child very, very, very late in life. (Councilmen: Fire Lord Sozin, I didn't even know- Sozin: Yes, it happened suddenly. One of the servants came to me a few days ago and said that this little one was mine. She saw that he had such firebending potential that she wanted to give him to me. Councilmen: Thank the spirits that there's an heir to the throne now. He'll make a fine Fire Lord one day. Sozin: Yes, he will). Azulon grows up in the palace as Sozin’s son exactly as you would expect. He’s taught to bend, put into academic lessons the moment he’s old enough to read, and into prince lessons once he’s old enough to walk. Sozin both doesn’t spend much time with Azulon because he’s old and because he’s not a good father so Azulon doesn’t really have much care at all.

Time goes by and Azulon lives under the believe that he’s Sozin’s son. Everyone just tells him that his mom was really young which makes a lot of sense to Azulon so he never questions it. Eventually, Sozin passes away and Azulon becomes Fire Lord. A few months before his father dies, he gets into an argument with one of his inner councilmen who starts telling people that Azulon isn't his real son and isn't royal blood. Most view his rants as those of an idiot who is spreading rumors because he's mad at the Fire Lord. Azulon doesn't really question anything because, again, it just seems so crazy, but he can't help but wonder if there is some truth to this and goes looking. When he goes looking, he finds his real birth certificate that was hidden away so no one would find out. (Azulon: FATHER! Sozin, on his death bed: Azulon? Azulon: Why!? Just why!? Sozin: You're going to have to be a little more specific, son. And what did I tell you about disrespecting your father? Azulon: You're not my father! Sozin: Huh? You finally found the truth. I was beginning to think you never would. Azulon: Why? Sozin: I needed an heir, you were strong and a baby. Everything worked out perfectly, wouldn't you say? Azulon: You killed my parents! Sozin: I made you a prince! *Cough! Cough!* What are you going to do? Tell the world? The Royal Family will crumble, the nation will crumble and you will be left with nothing more than whatever you can grab when they kick you out of the palace. Azulon: You don't care at all? I-I really thought- Sozin: It is not my fault that you were an idiot. The choice is yours, son. I'm already dead. There's nothing I can do to persuade you one way or another.) Azulon stays quiet.

Azulon later marries Ilah and has Iroh and Ozai. Ilah passes away seconds after Ozai is born which leaves Azulon with a hatred for Ozai. He can't look at him without seeing another parent killer like Sozin was. Azulon "raises" Iroh and Ozai as best he can while also being Fire Lord but the two brothers are pretty much left on their own. Iroh and Ozai are as close as they can be for having a ten year ago gap but they are still close and Iroh hates seeing his father hurt Ozai so much. He hates it enough that he decides to do something about it, but there isn't much he can do because he's not Fire Lord. That is until he comes across a familiar birth certificate and realizes the truth. Azulon would certainly have a lot of trouble if people found out he wasn't royal blood. The only problem with this is that it would also affect Iroh and Ozai and reveal that they aren't royal blood either. For a while, Iroh sits on this new information and doesn't do anything. Then comes the day that Azulon also burns Ozai's face (in a very familiar fashion) and Iroh stops him and decides that he needs to get Ozai away from here. He gives the birth certificate to the council then runs off with Ozai that night and with enough food and money for them to survive until he can get a job somewhere. (Ozai: Iroh? Where are we going? Iroh: Somewhere safe. Ozai: Is father coming? Iroh: No. No, we don't be seeing father...ever again. Ozai:....Thank you. Iroh: Always.)

Iroh and Ozai get stuck in a massive storm while they're sailing away from the Fire Nation and wind up in the South Pole. Because they are not wearing clothes appropriate for the weather or know how to fish, the two don't exactly have a fun first day. During their first night, a young mother finds them and brings them to her village so they don't freeze. The next morning, Iroh meets Kanna and Ozai meets Hakoda, Kya and Bato. Ozai is absolutely not up for leaving his brother's side and being around children he's never met (it has nothing to do with the fact that he's never been around kids his own age and doesn't know what he's supposed to do. Why would anyone even think that?). Kanna and the village are very iffy about letting two Fire Nationals stay in their home but they also don't like the idea of kicking out a 18 and 8 year old into the cold. Eventually, Kanna agrees to let them stay but says that they will kick them out if the two act like princes or start firebending at them. Since their in the middle of no where and Iroh basically just told the entire Fire Nation that he and Ozai have been accidentally lying to them for years, neither is very intent on getting kicked out of the village. (Plus, Iroh really likes seeing his brother getting to play with other kids....he just has to keep reminding Ozai that throwing snowballs doesn't mean you whack people straight in the face as hard as you can with a snowball.)

[theoncomingchaos]

Meet you at the Blossom Novel

I've been reading the Meet you at the Blossom novel while watching the show and so far there are a lot of things the TV series really improved on with only minimal cute scenes being omitted.

There are some things that could be really triggering for some people in the novel, but if you can get passed those, I would really recommend it for people who want to better understand Huaien and Xiaobao's thinking and the progression of their feelings better.

Below the cut I have a list of major differences, descriptions of the cute scenes that were cut, trigger warnings for the book, and a brief analysis of the development of Xiaobao and Huaien's feelings for each other as per the book that can help clarify things for the TV series- especially for all the people out there wondering if they are still lying to each other.

Spoilers, obviously, but I've only read up through the harem scene.

Major differences:

-We get to see in both Xiaobao and Huaien's minds, so we are aware of what they are really feeling very clearly.

-The TV series added plot heavy scenes that don't involve the main two boys which helps make the situation a lot more clear.

-The book has a lot more sex...pretty sure half the book is literally just smut haha

-Xiaobao has been with guys before but only because it was a huge fad for a while and all his friends pressured him. He didn't really like being with guys and was always the top. (I've heard the author really likes the "what if they are both tops" trope and that is what is happening here.)

-There are some very ominous bits of foreshadowing for much later in the book...it seems like this series is going to get VERY dark later.

-Xiaoyu wants to marry Xiaobao and the parents are on board for this because she is smarter than him and will be better to run the family business, but Xiaobao only thinks of her as a sister and is very firmly against this.

The cutest missing scenes from the book:

-Xiaobao washing Huaien's hair in the cave. This is originally how the being together forever talk happened because Xiaobao casually said he wanted to wash his hair for the rest of his life.

-After their trip home in episode 5 (after they banged in that carriage for 5 days straight) Xiaobao wants to see Huaien at night, but he's off doing his sneaky shit, so Xiaobao falls asleep in Huaien's bed and then wakes up to Huaien hugging him.

Triggers for the novel that might make it difficult to read:

-Huaien is 15...(Xiaobao is 19 which is also not considered an adult in this story, but still) I find this easy to ignore because I just imagine the drama actors and skip passed all the mentions of him being 15, but yeah...still pretty messed up.

-There are multiple graphic rape scenes that are fully depicted. Always Huaien raping Xiaobao- sometimes Xiaobao trying to rape him and getting raped instead. The TV series has handled their sex scenes a lot better.

-Xiaobao who seems to not really actually be that chubby even in the novel is fat shamed a lot

Character thoughts development through episode 5:

-Xiaobao:

I want to marry her.

I need to top him because my dignity demands it.

I just want to be with him and if bottoming is the way I can hold him and kiss him, then I can bare it. Maybe if we get close enough, he'll let me top him one day! He is so beautiful and perfect.

I want to be with him and only him forever. (Book Xiaobao has not had a wandering eye the way the TV one did.)

I am going to protect him and shower him with kindness and teach him how to love...but I still wanna top him someday. People can NOT find out that I bottom, it will ruin my reputation forever. I need to grow up, show my parents they can trust me with the family business, and make sure I can make a good future for us.

-Huaien

This dude is disgusting why is he following me around?

Sex pollen- Huaien has NEVER had sex before, he doesn't like getting close to people or having people touch him. He never has wanted anything or anyone for himself. This opened a whole new world to him and he literally couldn't stop...for probably a lot longer than you are thinking.

Well, I already fucked him, so it doesn't change anything if I keep fucking him.

Why does he seem less disgusting now?!?! I don't know what love is supposed to feel like, but he is the closest person to me in the entire world already, so if I were to fall in love it could only be with him.

Ok, he is the one thing I want. Just him. I'll finish my last mission for father and finally be free, then he and I can travel the world and be together.

I am going to love him single-mindedly like my parents loved each other. I will protect him and keep him safe. He is mine and only mine, and if he fucks this up because he is an idiot playboy with no control, then I will make it so he ONLY has me in the entire world.

Today's Upcoming Episode: (No major spoilers just speculation about episode 6)

That last cliffhanger was so brutal, I'll admit I read to the end of the brothel scene which brings me to chapter 54 for reference. I don't think it's going to go the same way in the TV series, but I do think whatever happens is going to be brutal and bring about a very unhealthy and dark turn for the relationship. Hold on tight.

[simonalkenmayer]

There’s a small story I haven’t told, about when I first came to where I currently reside. If you’ve read some of my short stories about my life history, then this would follow directly after “The Suits”.

Back in those days, the place I currently live was almost entirely devoid of women who weren’t already married. It was a very manly man place of wild forests being logged, natives being colonized, and all sorts of hurdy guedy. A man by the name of Mercer began a transplant of women, who were to be educated and married off to the men of the area, so as to “civilize” the place.

After that plan was enacted, women began doing this in their own. And incentives galore existed, including reduced fares, housing, sheltering so forth. When I came up, I switched genders, because of this advantage. I had won myself a deed to some property here, in a poker game. I then pretended to be my own sister, sent to set up the stead and “marry myself off”.

So I came as a woman, and set myself up in a residence hall for young ladies. Why? Because of the proprietress, who kept a secure and tight ship for propped “gels”. I wanted that security, as there is no watchdog better than a large woman with a rolling pin looking out for virtue. My room was essentially Fort Knox. But I didn’t move around town as a woman! Heavens no. Such would be impossible, especially given the condition of the city, which was mud half the time and not set up for skirts.

I worked out of the lumber mill. Dressed as a man. I made friends with a batch of German and Austrian immigrants, because I could understand them. One in particular seemed very taken with me. Probably because he wasn’t much of a talker and I was mute. But then one day he turned up at the boarding house, and I realized he had figured me out, perhaps because he’d followed me home from the drinking hole we all frequented.

I suspected he’d come to the conclusion that I was a woman masquerading as a man to obtain employment. I suspected I’d have a difficult moment ahead.

One night he came to my window at the boarding house, after I’d just quitted the nightly meal. He was drunk as a skunk, and singing love songs at me. I knew the lady of the house would beat him stupider, so I dragged him inside. Then I noticed he was covered in blood. Apparently hed injured himself on the rough fence outside.

Imagine me, dressed in proper female dinner attire, bodily proppping a giant, German man against a wall, as he gibbers and bleeds at me. I shushed him, and told him he had made a terrible mistake. He said he hadn’t. That his life till then was a mistake. I was brave and wonderful and pretty in all the ways. I told him to stop talking rubbish. He realized he was bleeding and fell onto my bed. I say him up with some difficulty, as he extolled my many virtues. “How amazing,” he sang, “that you can push logs and look so fine.”

I offered to push him into the sea off the nearest cliff. He called me mysterious. It was a very lopsided conversation. I set about patching him up. Which led to the following events.

He, seated on the end of the bed, no shirt, facing away from the door. Me, kneeling in my gown, making plaintive noises. Of a sudden, there came a frantic cry and a bashing sound. In crashes the lady of the house, in her shift and pantaloons, her house dress open and flapping like the wings of a harpy. Her face was a red contortion as she smashed a hole into the wood. Jack Nichlson could have taken a lesson from her as she shrieked out a curse through the splinters.

She got the wrong impression from what she saw. It was an impression that unfortunately led to even more frantic mangling of the door. My gentleman caller hurled himself bodily through the window, chased by the very embodiment of Victorian internalized misogyny, screaming bloody murder. Literally.

I evicted myself. I went into the woods to my property and set up a cabin, where I lived to upset the logging and train operations. I went feral.

My man friend, later was injured in an accident, and died. It wasn’t until I spoke of this series of events with some of you, that I came to a different interpretation than I had all this time. I now believe that he actually thought I was a man, dressing as a woman to obtain housing. The things he said while intoxicated make far more sense if that was his assumption. I now realize I broke his heart in a different way than I’d even realized.

Perspective sometimes comes decades later. Sometimes you don’t even know your own past so well without the future.

I gain perspective like this almost constantly, and I realize more and more that I have never taken in all the information I could have. I’ve viewed the world you made through your lens. Silly thing to do, but how was I to know? It’s not as if I had the genius of Frankenstein’s creation to teach myself the truth of all things with a bible. No. Some of us had incompatibility with humanity altogether and couldn’t make sense of it without your biases.

I think about this often.

[anonymousbeefriendfanfics]

My Thoughts on Touchstarved

So, I've finished the demo! Let me start off by saying that I love the story! The concept is awesome, I adore that you can choose your own background, I love how immersive the setting is, everything is just... amazing. I can't wait for the full game to come out! Especially with all the special treats we're getting from the Kickstarter goals, it's going to be fantastic! And now, my friends, I shall share with you my thoughts & Headcannons for each of our lovely love interests, in order of appearance. If you'd like to see more, my requests are open!! I haven't gotten any for Touchstarved yet but I'm itching to write for them, I just... need some inspiration, so the more the merrier!

Kuras

First of all: pretty. I love his design, it's wonderful. He looks so ethereal! And very doctor-y, which was the point.

Can we talk about the hair, though???? How cool is that?? I love it. It looks very soft and fluffy. And so long... Could you imagine sleeping next to him? You wake up and you're drowning in floof.

He's very kind and gentle, but is obviously holding back. He distances himself from people, and like everybody else on this list, he needs to find someone he can really trust to open up and be himself with.

And he stays so busy, like... when does he ever take the time to relax? I know the city needs him and his clinic, but he deserves some time off, too.

To be honest Kuras gives me kinda like.... asexual vibes? Maybe demisexual? Idk, maybe I'm reading too much into him being reserved, but. I just feel like he either wouldn't be interested or he'd want to fall in love with someone before taking them to bed.

Leander

I love him, he's incredible. So talented, so kind!! I love the respect the Bloodhounds have for him, and how willing he is to go out of his way to help a stranger.

Also he blushes very easily and I love it, he's absolutely adorable

I am very very curious how he got so much skill with magic, because that doesn't seem to be normal. I bet it has something to do with his secret.

He very clearly has some serious trauma in his past, too. I wonder how he got that scar, if it has anything to do with his magic, if it is indeed the same scar running from his face to his arm....

Seems like he drowns his trauma in alcohol, his gang, and keeping himself very busy. Poor thing clearly doesn't get as much sleep as he should.

I think he just wants to be loved, but he's afraid to let himself be too vulnerable.

Vere

Foxboy Foxboy Foxboy Foxboy Fox-

Can I just say that I'm a little bit in love with his design. I mean I am with all of them but. Especially Vere. I love foxes and it's just. *Chef's kiss*

He's a cocky lil son of a biscuit tho. That tongue of his is quite sharp... as are his teeth~

I feel like he'd flirt with a Soulless to get what he wanted. In actuality he'd just murder it, but... you get my point. You're never sure if he's gonna seduce you or slit your neck.

Literally if Sage and Rime from Last Legacy had a child.

He's absolutely not trustworthy but I wanna get to the bottom of things and form that trust with him.

Romancing him would be very interesting. He's always three seconds away from eating you, but the question is... will he eat your soul, or your [redacted]?

Ais

He reminds me far too much of my friend's OC, and for that, I am the sliiiightest bit obsessed with him. At least that gives me a headstart on his characterization.

Would sell you to Satan for one cornchip, but fortunately MC interests him enough to keep them around

And Princess???? Oh my god. My heart. I adore her, I adore him, yes please

And he calls the MC "Sparrow"!!! That's absolutely precious. I love how he has nicknames for people, it's wonderful

Ais seems like the person who will tell you he doesn't care what happens to you and you can go get yourself killed for all he cares, then move heaven and earth to save you once you're even slightly in danger.

Mhin

Baby needs a hug. Enough said.

l absolutely adore them. They have stolen my heart.

And yes, maybe I do have the slightest bit of a savior complex, shut up. I'm just addicted to the hurt/comfort angst of it all, okay?

Literally hates everyone and everyone hates them (Except for, y'know, Kuras) because they're such a grumpy little loner and dear god just let me love you, let me teach you what love is.

They definitely fit into the whole "stronger than they appear" archetype because they're specifically mentioned to be pretty scrawny, but they have an impressive amount of strength and holy hells they're good with that dagger. That's incredible skill

I just. I want to break down those walls and earn their trust and teach them they have someone they can rely on who won't betray them, no matter what happens or how dark things get.

I just want to cuddle them and reassure them that everything's gonna be alright, is that a crime?

[animentality]

Depression and ADHD took away my ability to enjoy novels a long time ago, when I was 18.

I used to be a big reader. Ever since I was a kid, I'd plow through hundreds of books a year, no joke, no hyperbole. I was raised by an older mom, who didn't let me watch TV or use the internet until I was about 12, so books were the thing I loved most, aside from games I could play on the Gameboy Advanced or the SP or the Nintendo DS.

But books I could read under the desk at school. Books I could smuggle more places. I always had a hyperactive imagination. It was like watching a movie or a tv show in my head. I was a child perpetually lost in day dreams and fantasies.

I could read anything at all. Romances, historical fiction, fantasy, science fiction, literary.

I snapped up just about any story I could get my hands on.

But then I became a teenager, and then I showed symptoms of depression.

And I still read books, but in lesser numbers.

I read less and less every year.

And then I went to college. And then things just got worse.

I stopped watching movies, which were something I used to adore. I couldn't, literally could not, watch TV shows. I couldn't muster enthusiasm for anything at all.

I played video games, but they didn't make me happy. They didn't stimulate my imagination or give me joy.

They were just something I could use to while away my time in between the agonizing bouts of loneliness and apathy.

If I didn't have them, I would just be lying in my bed, in the utter darkness, staring up at the ceiling, wishing there was something, anything at all, that I cared about.

So I got my BA and master's degree, and all the while, every day, I asked myself why I did anything at all. Why I was not happy.

Why I didn't care about anything.

Just about the only thing I cared about was the books I was writing, and even them, I felt this horrible notion that they were all I had, and yet, that was nothing. They were as empty as I was.

So anyway.

One day, I started researching bridges to throw myself off of.

And uh. Well. Not to go into any gory details, but there was one friend I had, a long distance internet friend, who got concerned and sent some of my more troubling messages to my mom.

Who then took me to a hospital. And anyway, that part actually isn't important. All that matters is that I got medicated.

And the world sort of turned itself over, and I could start over.

And then suddenly the world wasn't brighter, it wasn't happier, but I could feel things again.

I could have interests. I was interested in everything, the way I used to be.

And then I started to love movies again. and then I started to love TV shows again (Cocaine Bear and Severance come to mind first, not sure why, but that's irrelevant, I guess).

And finally, we come back...to novels.

So this year, I have been reading books. Great books. Some bad books.

And some wonderful.

And I just wanted...to talk about The Night Circus.

by Erin Morgenstern.

Because this book...was breathtakingly good. Like.

Like...I have been out of practice.

I have been reading some decent books. Books with great premises, but disappointing follow throw.

Some great books, but with predictable twists or rather tired prose. Books that I liked, but won't think about again.

And then I read Night Circus. And suddenly, I...I knew what it felt like. Again.

For the first time in maybe seven years, I suddenly remembered this feeling I used to have, as a child, hiding behind a bush during recess, and reading Redwall or Animorphs or Goosebumps.

I was almost giddy with the feeling, it was like stepping back in time.

Back to before I started hurting, and even before I started feeling nothing at all, and everything felt so bright. So filled with lively colors.

I was vibrating, I was so emotional, I was so invested.

I literally was about to go to bed at 2 am, a reasonable time, but the Night Circus picked up, and it was suddenly so imperative that I finish it right now. I could NOT tear myself away.

And I am close to tears.

Not just because the book was wonderful and sad.

Honestly, this is hilarious to me, but as much as I loved the book, I still found myself criticizing some of its makeup, specifically slow pacing and some of the meandering. There was also a somewhat anti climatic solution to a problem that I sort of wish had been explained sooner as a possibility.

But honestly, it doesn't matter at all! All that mattered was that it thrilled me! It fascinated me! It spoke to me directly and grabbed a hold of my heart.

It tore me away from what I was planning on doing and dragged me into its world, in its pages, and I was moved by the book!

It's so fucking hard to move me! Especially a novel.

Movies and TV shows can move me much easier, because there's something so very human about needing to see faces, hear voices, experience the raw emotions through a screen that captures it all.

But this novel....Night Circus...oh my god, I had not felt so powerfully fond of a story in a long time.

I finished it, and I thought, this was what it was like, being ten...and yet, at the same time, as familiar as it was, it was also something new.

This was rediscovering something beautiful and lovely and old and new. It was drudging up the past, while creating something worthwhile, in the present.

It was the good kind of hurt.

It'll stay with me forever.

I was so happy. I am so happy.

I never expected to love this book so much.

I honestly don't even care to call this a review. I almost don't even want to talk about the specifics of its plot or its world or anything.

I just wanted to talk about how wonderful it felt to be so immersed in anything again.

To fall into a book and never want to leave its pages, and to be jarred by reality, when you realize it's over.

I am so glad to be happy, after that long dull period where nothing mattered.

I am so happy to be here. I am so happy to be alive.

To watch a good movie, to see a good show, to write novels where good things happen, where love and despair and joy and misery all happen.

To read a spectacular book, late into the night.

If I die tomorrow, I will be most disappointed, but at least, I could experience the best things in life again.

At least, I remembered in the night before my passing, what it felt like to be inspired and shaken by the creation of another person, to be touched by art, that moves you and changes you irreversibly.

I want to read more.

I want to be alive for as long as I possibly can.

I want to see the world change and I want to live every day of my life and I want to watch every good movie and every good tv show, and I want to read hundreds of books again. I want to write thousands of books.

And I don't know how you, in particular, found me or this post, but I hope whoever you are, you're also doing things that you like.

I hope you find that story you need. or make the story you need.

I hope you remember this feeling, and experience this feeling for the first time.

Maybe Night Circus is your book, maybe it's not, but either way, I wish it upon all. Upon everyone.

Read, write, draw, watch, create.

Do it all, and then do none of it, and go the fuck to sleep.

[twopoppies]

Hi Gina, this is probably a weird question to ask; when I followed you 3 years ago, I had obsession with your mp fics and would open a lot of them and read your pov about the fics. In one of them you said something like "you cried a bucket full of tears when reading it" , and I can't even remember which category it was in , Do you remember which one it is or which fics made you cry?

Oh, I’ve been meaning to make one of these fic rec lists. Be forewarned, I cry very, very easily so it’s going to be a very long list (and some people might roll their eyes at what’s made me cry) 😂 Even as long as this is, I’m sure I’ve forgotten some.

Gold-skinned, eager baby by StarryDay13 / @daydreaming-sunflower (E, 17K) This was soft and tender and sexy and beautifully done. There were wonderful moments of gentleness and vulnerability as Harry awkwardly expresses his thoughts about his gender and his feelings for Louis, and as Louis reasons and holds space for who Harry is. I really just loved this one. And I cried. So that’s a bonus. 😆

Deux Fantômes by ohpleaselarry (E, 16K) So, let me start by saying I cried through ¾ of this. I promise it’s a happy ending, but it’s heavy and very moving. Please read the tags as there are some triggering things, but it’s also so sweet and gentle and really well written.

of the divine by @thedevilinmybrain (Mixed ratings, 2-part series, 104K) Oh my god. This series. I cried buckets. It’s so beautifully written. The sex scenes are so tender and sexy, but in such a pure way. Their relationship is so good… you can totally feel how much they love each other, the climactic scene OH MY GOD so intense. It’s also got great zouis friendship and a very sweet narry friendship. Tender punk Louis and guardian angel Harry. Read it.

The bed and the carpet by orphan_account (E, 8K) So, this was written a while ago, and because of that there are some things which... irk me (like the use of “orbs”). But it’s really gentle and sweet and sexy. Thanks to the anon who told me they cried reading it. I did, too.

Lovely, made from love by userkant (T, 1K) This was so lovely and so moving (yes, I cried). This author wrote so much emotion into this short fic, please give it a read. I loved it.

may we all have a vision now and then by momentofclarity / @gaycousinlarry (M, 4K) This author is one of my favorite writers in this fandom and everything they do is infused with so much delicacy and tenderness. I literally cried through this fic because of how wounded Harry’s character feels. Read it and then treat yourself to their whole AO3 catalogue.

every universe but ours by @28finelines (E, 50K) This fic is so touching and funny and sexy and I read it all in one go––thankfully just before I published this post! Please go read it because it’s like reading multiple Larry fics in one, each one with that “I would find you in any lifetime” vibe.

Fading by tothemoonmydear (M, 202K) Let me start by asking you to please tread carefully with this one. It’s a very well-written fic, but it deals very graphically with Louis’ character’s eating disorder. At the time it was written, some people felt it did not portray ED recovery accurately, so if the subject is at all triggering for you, please don’t read this one. If that’s not an issue for you, make sure you have tissues ready because I ugly cried through almost all of this. I read it years ago and loved it at the time, but it’s not one I could handle reading twice.

wake the morn and greet the dawn (with hearts entwined and free) by mixedfandomfics (T, 21K)I cried the first third of the way through this because this author painted such a beautiful picture of Harry’s emotions, his found family, and the setting. I love how they slowly unraveled Louis’ story and the tender, sweet way they ended up together. And Niall!! The best friend/brother you could ask for.

Love you in the dark by Perzikje (E, 10K) This is such a tender and moving portrait of these characters. This author does a great job at capturing Harry’s struggle with the shame he feels (yes, I cried), and then beautifully portrays the balm of the way Louis loves him.

for as long as I can remember (it’s always been december) by green_feelings / @greenfeelings (E, 128K) This author always delivers on the angst, so yes…I cried. I loved the sense of the inevitable with these two characters — as in real life, they’re just meant to be. But first they’ll go through hell.

an entire desert in our hourglass by tofiveohfive (E, 20K) I told the author yesterday that I really appreciated the pain they wove into this story because they did such a good job making the emotions relatable –– even with a pre-apocalyptic setting –– so the feeling cut even deeper. Such a good read. And even though the tags said there was a happy ending (which there is), I still cried buckets.

haunted by the ghost of you by missandrogyny (E, 49K) Sweet and funny, filled with great banter and OT5 friendship. And yes…I cried. A lot.

deleted your number (so i can’t call you) by tofiveohfive / @sunflowrsix I think this author does such a great job with writing realistically about breakups and the emotions that are involved. Things aren’t just suddenly solved -- there’s still anger and hurt and a realization that better communication is needed. It’s just very refreshing to read. And of course, I cried.

the best part of me (was always you) by @moonshinelouis-archive (E, 6K) Gorgeous writing. The descriptions of heartbreak and missing someone and still loving them were really well done. And I cried. Of course.

everything suspended by louisandthealien (M, 9K) Set in the late 1990s/early 2000s, this fic is SO so good. And it’s so angsty and so incredibly well written. I felt every bit of tension and emotion and was so wrung out by the end. But it’s also such a gorgeously crafted fic. I just love it.

hope you guessed my name by juliusschmidt (E, 9K) Harry is a devil, Louis is human. I don’t know what it is about this fic, but I just adore it. It’s so moving and so beautifully written and yes, I cried over Harry being a lonely cryptid.

Through Eerie Chaos by mediawhore / @mediawhorefics (GA, 102K) This one is set both in present day and the 1920s and I absolutely adore this fic. This is such a unique and compelling story, the writing is beautiful, the characters are wonderfully realized, and I ugly cried for realz. Such a good fic.

Save your loving arms for a rainy day by BriaMaria / @briannamarguerite (E, 19K) Oh, I really loved this. Beautiful writing. Lovely characterizations. I love how harry makes Louis realize who he is/what he wants, but doesn’t “save” him. And yes, I cried…not from the angst this time, but from the declarations and descriptions of feelings. This author just gets it right.

the impossible now by stylinsoncity (M, 65K) I screamed about this fic for weeks when it was first posted because it’s just so moving and so beautifully written. It’s got a twist to it that makes it both wonderful romantic and heartbreaking at the same time. Happy ending, I promise, but I cried. A lot. Shocker, I know.

Little Technicolor Things by scary_crow (M, 72K) This is truly one of the most beautiful pieces of writing I have ever read and it is an absolutely travesty that it’s not being talked about every day. This fic is gorgeous and poetic and romantic and heartbreaking and an explosion of metaphoric images and everything I never knew I needed but now that I have it I want to read it over and over and over.

Finding Lou by stylinsoncity (M, 60K) This author’s writing is always such a pleasure to read -- they really know how to craft a moving story. Slow burn romance with some super sexy smut and lots of emotions. Yes, I cried.

Your Name Is Tattooed On My Heart by mcpofife (E, 87K) I reread this one recently and it's truly delightful. The characterizations are so well done. Harry is so endearing (I cried over his heartbreak). And the smut is both hot and really emotional. Love this one.

Love Is A Rebellious Bird by 100percentsassy, gloria_andrews (E, 135K) Everything about this fic is glorious. I’m always struck by how well the characters are fleshed out, how their behavior lines up with their backstory, how ridiculously hot the chemistry is, and how agonizing the angst is. So yes, no shocker, I cried buckets. Thank god for a happy ending.

Empty Skies by green_feelings / @greenfeelings (E, 13K) I just started re-reading this the other day and it holds up so well. This author is always a pleasure to read. Their fics just are well plotted and the characters are nicely fleshed out. I loved Perrie as Harry’s bestie, the bitterness and angst is PAINFUL, and the ending feels well earned.

my heart is breathing for this moment in time by usedtothebeach (E, 160K) Probably my absolute favorite time travel fic. I’ve read it more times than I’d like to admit, and every time I love it more. One of the things I like most is how organically the author weaves in canon events…every little moment is an easter egg without it being so obvious that it pulls you out of the fic. Anyway, this one is so moving and so absorbing, I hope you like it if you give it a try! There’s an 18K companion piece to it as well, but you’ll see the link at the appropriate time when you’re reading the main fic (and when you read the scene that breaks your heart –– in the best possible way –– come and scream at me. You’ll know which one I mean).

no one does it better by nodibs (E, 50K) Oh lord. Get your tissues and hang on tight. Such well-written heartbreak. Happy ending, but you have to suffer first.

like a bastard on the burning sea by vashtaneradas (NR, 21K) Heartbreaking, perfect writing. So well-written that the fandom hated real-life Harry for a while after this was posted.

Also, you might want to check out my recs for:

Sad/Open Endings

Major Character Death

Angst

[spiteless-xo]

╰┈➤ finally, a night alone (e) - tbaw. ⋙ an alternate version of eren and reader's last night together before visiting the kirsteins

why was it deleted. literally so much of the story changed so this chapter doesn't fit anymore with what's going on. what changed. eren, jean, reader, and pieck were all sharing a room together. also there was no mental-health subplot and reader was actually good at her job! pieck wasn't so bitchy. eren is a little meaner during sex. ft. fem!reader, eren, jean, pieck. cw. unedited, fem!reader, explicit language, explicit sexual content (mutual masturbation, blowjob, dirty talk, thigh riding, edging, fingering, creampie, squirting), degradation (whore, bitch). 6,300 words.

Please remember that this scene was deleted for a reason and that nothing that happens here occurs in the actual story posted on AO3. This is just fun bonus content for people who are interested in reading more.

context. none needed? eren makes a promise to you at some point prior to this chapter that he wants to wait for the weekend to have sex with you.

In the evenings, Eren and Jean go to the gym together while you and Pieck stay up at the hotel, separately watching Netflix shows on your laptops before bed. You had joined the two boys at the gym for the first day, deciding that a little non-sexual cardio wouldn’t hurt. You realized the error of your choice almost immediately when Eren and Jean both pulled off their shirts as they did their exercises.

Although they didn’t get along, the two tolerated each other’s presence. At the gym, it was more like competitive cooperation. Each boy challenging the other to lift more, work harder, sweat more. You had to leave after a quick 10-minute run because you were getting so hot watching them work out. Since then, you haven't been back. 

You and Eren have been keeping a distance from one another for once. It’s difficult to find opportunities to be alone and he seems to be serious about his promise to wait until the weekend, so you find it easier to just ignore him completely, but in the mornings when you go into the shower after him it’s intoxicating. You’ve definitely touched yourself there to thoughts of him, surrounded by the thick scent of his vanilla cologne. You wonder if he ever does the same.

On Friday afternoon, it’s hard to focus on work when the excitement of the weekend looms near. Petra and Oluo are satisfied with the amount of work everyone has completed so far, so they are allowing you all to take this weekend off from work. As a result, there is more chatter in the boardroom than there has been all week.

“We should all do something together this weekend,” Pieck suggests, clapping her hands.

“We’ve been working together all week and you want us to spend more time together?” Eren asks with a scoff.

Petra sighs, “You kids can go do something this weekend if you want. Oluo and I still have a lot to work on still for some other clients.” Petra and Oluo have been ghosts of their typical selves. You get the impression that, while your workload is heavy, theirs is even worse.

“I actually kind of want to go visit my mom while we’re here,” Jean says sheepishly. You forgot he grew up here in Trost.

Pieck looks between you and Eren, “I guess it’ll just be the three of us then!”

You meet Eren’s eyes and watch as they darken under your gaze. His eyes trail down slowly from your mouth to your chest before slowly climbing back to meet your eyes. He runs his tongue along his bottom lip seductively, the corners of his lips turning up into a smirk. You purse your lips as you feel a heat pooling between your legs. Finally, your chance to be alone together.

“... Or not,” Pieck says quietly, interrupting your eyefucking with Eren.

Jean clears his throat, “Actually, I was going to ask if you wanted to come with me to see my mom.”

You turn away from Eren to look over at Jean, noticing that he’s staring at you expectantly. “Me?”

“Yeah,” he says, smiling. “We’ve been friends for years and she’s never met you, she always gives me a hard time about it.”

Your heart swells with happiness, he talked about you to his mom? “Yeah, totally! I would love to,” you say, grinning.

You turn back to Eren to give him an apologetic look but see his eyes narrowed a Jean, biting his cheek. “You really wanna hang out with him this weekend?” he asks.

Yes, desperately. But you don’t say that. “We can leave sometime tomorrow maybe?” you suggest, turning back to Jean.

He shrugs, “Yeah, that’ll work. I can get her to come pick us up in the morning.”

“Then we’ll have tonight together,” Pieck says happily. “What if we bought some drinks and played games?”

“That… actually sounds kind of fun,” you say, surprising yourself. After a tough week of only working, eating, and sleeping, a fun distraction with your coworkers could be nice.

“Ok, enough chatter,” Petra says sharply. “We can clock out in three hours, try and stay somewhat focused until then.”

The four of you all turn back to your computers, but you have a hard time staying on task. Jean talked about you to his mom! Jean wants you to meet her! It looks like your jealousy tactic with Eren is working.

---

Since it’s Pieck’s idea, she volunteers to go pick up food and alcohol for the evening when you all get back to the room, borrowing the keys to one of the rental cars from Oluo. “Does anyone want to come with me?”

“Jean does,” Eren says quickly, shooting a look his way. “Right?”

Jean holds his hands up defensively, “You didn’t have to volunteer me, I would’ve gone anyway.” He looks over at you, “Any special requests?”

“Wine?” you suggest, setting your work bag down to flop onto the bed. “And maybe pizza or something easy for food?”

Pieck nods, locking arms with Jean much to your disdain. “You got it! See you guys later, we’ll be back in…” she looks down at the watch, “Probably an hour or so?”

Eren crawls onto the bed and overtop of you, caging you between his arms. “Take your time,” he says, eyes locked on yours. You’re not happy about Pieck and Jean running off alone together, but the ache between your thighs when Eren’s eyes meet yours overrides your jealousy.

You hear Pieck squeak in surprise before she drags Jean out of the room, the room door slamming shut behind them. You keep your eyes on Eren as he drinks in your body, already breathing hard.

“Are you sure you want to go hang out with Jean this weekend?” he asks, leaning down to kiss your neck. “We could have sooo much fun together.”

You hum in response, tilting your head to lengthen your neck for Eren. He starts to unbutton your blouse, mouth trailing lower to the tops of your breasts. “Are you jealous?” you ask as he pulls down your bra to expose your nipple.

At this, he pinches your nipple gently, causing you to arch your back up into him. “What did you say?” he dares as he reaches his hand behind your back to undo your bra completely.

“I said,” you pause, smirking down at him as he looks up at you, mouth hovering over the sensitive nub. “Are you jealous?” you repeat.

He closes his mouth around your nipple, teeth gently digging into the soft skin as you gasp. With one hand, he pushes your open blouse and bra off your shoulders, tossing them off to the side and leaving you topless in front of him. “Brat,” he says as he moves his mouth from one nipple to the other.

You reach your hands down to tangle in his hair, pulling it free from his half-up do and allowing his dark strands to fall down on your chest as he tongues your nipple. You mewl and gasp at his touch as his hands grip around your waist tightly, his large hands enveloping you completely.

“You haven’t been fucked properly in a while,” he says, voice slow and deep. “You must’ve forgotten how good I am to you.”

“You think you’re good?” you challenge. He lifts his head up to yours, eyes dark and half-lidded.

“Let’s see if you can keep this attitude up.”

You bite down on your lip to stop from moaning as his tongue moves along your neck while his one hand works on unbuttoning your work pants. His hand slides down across your underwear, palming at your clit. You gasp from the touch of his warm hand against your clothed pussy — you did forget how good he was to you. His hand is so much bigger and warmer than yours, you can’t wait to have him inside of you.

Eren sits up on his knees to pull off your pants and underwear completely, leaving you naked on the bed below him. He undoes his tie slowly before working on his dress shirt, looking down at you with predatory eyes.

You lower your hands to grab at your breasts, pinching and pulling at your nipples as he removes his shirt. You can see the imprint of his dick straining against his work pants as he starts to work on his belt, pulling it completely free from his pants before unbuttoning and unzipping them to alleviate some of the strain. 

You drag a hand down your stomach to play with yourself, fingers trailing up and down along your slit, spreading the wetness across your folds. Eren reaches down into his underwear, pulling his cock free to stroke it infront of you. 

“Keep going,” he says. “If you’re so fucking good at it, why don’t you make yourself cum for me.”

You lick your lower lip, eyes darkening as you look up at Eren. “Sure, I’ve been doing this all week.” You use your finger to swirl some of your wetness over your clit before you start to rub at it gently, gasping softly as you feel heat pooling in your core. 

Eren’s eyebrows raise in surprise at your words, still lazily stroking himself as he watches your hand. “Oh yeah? When?”

“In the shower,” you say, voice breathy as you dip a finger down to tease at your hole. “When I go in after you.”

“Really,” Eren says, his voice almost a growl as he watches you slowly slide a single finger inside of yourself. “Tell me more.”

“I think -- about you,” you say, voice stuttering as you start to pump your finger in and out of your wet cunt. With your other hand you keep squeezing and pinching your nipple, eyes fixed on Eren’s thick cock, heavy in his hand. “I think about… your cock inside of me,” you continue, “Filling me up, fucking me good,” you gasp as you slide a second finger inside of yourself.

Your fingers are small and thin and they don’t stretch you out the way Eren’s do, but you keep fucking yourself, mouth falling open as you gasp in pleasure. You watch the tendons in Eren’s hand flex as he grips himself harder, but still maintains a slow pace while he watches you.

Watching Eren jerking himself off while he watches you touch yourself is hotter than you could imagine. His eyes trail down from your flushed face to your heaving chest before settling down to watch your fingers pump in and out of your wet heat. He’s breathing hard above you, muscles tense as he slowly strokes his length, swirling his leaking precum around his tip. 

You can get yourself off quickly -- a practiced skill from sneaking orgasms in the morning all week, so you can already feel the coil tightening in your chest as you play with yourself. You reach a hand up towards Eren’s abs, running your nails down them as your fingers continue to work you toward an orgasm. “Eren,” you gasp, hips bucking up into your hand. Your eyes shut and your head falls back against the pillow, fingers pumping harder into your cunt as your heel grinds against your clit. “Eren — feels so good —“

You picture Eren’s cock buried inside of you, fucking deep into you as he pants and sweats on top of you. You imagine his mouth sucking around your nipple as his fingers swirl around your clit, egging you on as your orgasm builds.

The real Eren leans down over your body, one hand pressed against the mattress while the other pumps along the length of his cock. He presses his open mouth against your neck and shoulder, leaving a trail of sloppy wet kisses. “Cum for me, baby,” he growls. 

His deep voice vibrates straight into your core, sending shockwaves of pleasure through your body as you lose yourself in an orgasm. You gasp out his name, arching your back up into him while your pussy clenches rhythmically against your fingers. 

He groans into your neck as you shake against him, “Good girl.” His words make you whimper, pulling your slick fingers from your cunt to rub against your sensitive clit. Eyes opening, you’re met with Eren’s flushed face, biting his lip hard from watching you orgasm to the thought of him. “I can’t believe you cum all over your fingers like this every morning when we’re all just sitting right outside.”

Removing his hand from his cock, he wraps your legs around his waist, lifting you up off the bed with him. “Since you like thinking about me in the shower, why don’t I fuck you in there?” he says, kicking off his pants as he carries you with him into the bathroom. 

You grab hard at his back, nails digging into his shoulder blades as you suck and kiss along his neck. Eren sets you down on the counter in the bathroom, hands roaming up your thighs as he ravages your neck. “I missed your body,” he groans, teeth sinking into the soft skin of your shoulder.

“I missed you too,” you admit, feeling a burn of embarrassment despite having just masturbated in front of him. “Eren, let me taste you,” you pull his face away from your shoulder by his chin, looking deeply into his eyes.

“Ok,” he says with a shuddering breath, stepping away from you just enough for you to hop off the counter.

You grab his hips and guide him to lean back on the counter while you get down on your knees in front of him. He pulls your hair back with a shaky hand, his thick, dripping cock aching and desperate to be swallowed.

Looking up at him, you wrap your hand around his length, licking your lips. “I missed you so much, Eren,” you whine, hand gliding along his cock, thumb swirling across his slit to smear his precum across his head.

He exhales heavily, biting his lip as he watches you. “Yeah?”

“Yeah,” you respond, pressing a soft kiss on the head of his cock. “Did you miss me?”

“I missed you so fucking much, baby.”

It feels like the two of you haven’t seen each other in months when really you’ve been no less than six feet apart from one another all week -- but it was torture. You suffered through watching him get dressed: thick thighs straining against the stretch of his dress pants (wishing you could grind your clit against the firm muscle) and fingers working expertly on his tie each morning (imagining those fingers buried deep inside of you). Anytime the two of you even so much as brushed past each other in the office, you could feel desire pooling in your core. You were so grateful for Pieck’s suggestion today to go get food and drinks.

You press your tongue flat against the base of his cock, trailing up to his head before swirling your tongue around his tip. You watch as he hisses a sharp intake of breath, one hand clutched desperately onto the counter as you wrap your lips around him.

You take him into your mouth, slowly, at first. Pushing him in slightly and then pulling back before taking slightly more of him again, trying to coat his cock in your saliva. His grip on your hair tightens when you flick your tongue across his head before lowering yourself further along his length.

“Yeah, babe -- you’re so good, so fucking good,” he whines, voice high and airy.

When you and Eren fuck it’s always a battle of dominance, you love to piss him off and he loves turning you into a sobbing, drooling mess. But when you’re on your knees for him with his cock in your mouth, you can easily turn this arrogant asshole desperate and needy and you love it.

You finally take his full length down your throat, eyes watering as you press your nose into the small bundle of dark curls at the base of his cock. Eren is breathing hard above you, eyes wide as you flatten your tongue along his length. “Fuck, you’re so pretty,” he sighs, thumbing away the tear that falls from your eye.

After you finish showing off, you pull off of him completely, his cock achingly hard and glistening from your spit. “Do you like that?” you ask, smirking as you stroke along his length.

“I love it, babe,” he says, “I love -- ahh, fuck,” you cut him off by taking his cock into your mouth again, working on it rhythmically with your mouth and hand. His hand grips your hair tighter as his hips start to buck into your mouth.

Your cheeks hollow around his cock as you suck his length, tonguing his tip with every pass as you twist your wrist in time with your mouth. Eren throws his head back, moaning out your name as you suck his dick. “Such a good girl,” he pants, “You’re so fucking good to me.”

The praise eggs you on. Clenching your thighs together to tame the heat burning in your core, you let your tongue lay flat against the bottom of his cock as your head bobs on his length. He groans in approval, hips bucking gently into your mouth. “Yes, yes, yes, fuck.”

He’s gritting his teeth now, staring down at you as his hips buck harder into your mouth, the head of his cock pushing into your throat with every movement -- he’s close, you can tell -- but he doesn’t want to cum, he’s still holding back.

You use the salvia building around his base to work your hand along his cock, moving your hand and your mouth in time with one another as you pull him closer to the edge.

“Fuck, you’re gonna make me cum,” he whimpers, no conviction behind his voice as you throat his cock. “You gotta stop, you gotta -- fuck.”

Whimpering and whining like a needy mess, Eren bites his lip hard. You stare up at him with wide, innocent eyes, daring him to cum. Do it. Cum in my throat. You can see in his eyes that he wants to -- but you know he also wants to fuck you.

With a strangled moan, he jerks your head back by the hair, pulling you completely off of him and letting his cock slap up against his stomach, hard, heavy, and red. He grips the swollen head of his cock tightly as his chest heaves, body almost trembling from the sensation. “I said stop,” he gasps, “I was so close.”

You pout, upset that you weren’t able to make him unravel in your mouth. You wanted to taste him so badly. “You never let me swallow,” you whine.

Eren’s too exhausted to give you a snarky comment back, still reeling from your mouth on him. “No,” he says, “I don’t.” He pulls you up to your feet, his mouth crashing against yours. Wrapping both arms around your waist, he spins the two of you around until your ass is pressed against the edge of the counter. He squeezes you hard against his body and you can feel his cock throbbing against your stomach. “I’m gonna make you regret that,” he says against your lips. 

Eren kisses you like he can’t get enough. His lips move hard against yours, his tongue snaking out from his mouth to play with yours as you try to devour him. He nudges his thigh between your legs and presses it against your soaking pussy. You moan into his mouth, unable to stop your hips from grinding down onto the strong muscle of his thigh, just like you imagined.

“What else do you think about,” he asks, hands trailing down from your waist to your hips to help you grind harder against him. “When you’re thinking about me?”

Looking up into his eyes you can see how much it excites him that you told him that. That you make yourself cum to thoughts of him every morning — he’s obsessed. You want to laugh but when his hands roll your hips against his thigh you moan instead. 

“Fuck —“

“Tell me, I wanna know.”

You grab his biceps for stability as you grind down on him, his cock still leaking precum and leaving a mess on your stomach. “Your hands,” you gasp, “All over me — touching me — inside of me.”

His fingers dig harder into your skin as you speak, a glint shining in his eyes. He can tell your arousal is making it difficult for you to speak, so he helps you. “Yeah? You like it when I grab you?”

“Yes, Eren!”

“Like it when I fuck you with my fingers? Stretch that pretty little pussy out and make you squeeze and cum all over my hand?”

Your hips build speed against his thigh, coating it in your slick wetness as you chase an orgasm. “Eren, yes — fuck.”

“Tell me more,” he commands, slowing your grinding by grabbing your hips tightly in his hands. “Use your words, baby.”

Your face is hot and you can’t tell if it’s from your growing arousal or your embarrassment as you say, “I think about your head between my thighs… and your mouth on my pussy.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, and your tongue on my clit —“ It’s definitely from embarrassment, you realize, as you duck your gaze away from Eren’s amused smirk. He’s loving this. You love to tease him but you’ve never been so vulgar before, he’s usually the one whispering lewd things in your ear when he stuffs you with his cock. “I think about the way you eat me out, and how quickly you can make me cum on your tongue.”

Like a reward, his hands move your hips faster back and forth on his leg. Your nails dig hard into his arms as you feel your orgasm rapidly building from the sensation.

“Fuck — Eren, that feels so good,” you whine, throwing your head back and letting him move your hips against his leg. 

“Yeah? You like grinding on my leg like a lil whore?” He presses his thigh against you harder and you let out a deep, gutteral groan.

“Yes, Eren!”

“You’re such a needy little bitch,” he growls, “Can’t even wait for my cock, have to grind you clit on my thigh.”

You just let out a strangled moan in response. He is right, you are needy little bitch.

“You’re making such a fuckin mess of my leg,” he says, leaning down to lick and suck on your neck. “Are you close?”

“‘M right there, baby —“

You can feel him smirk against you skin for a moment before he says, “Good.” Eren holds your hips still and removes the pressure of his thigh against your leg, leaving you shocked and aching. 

“Fuck you,” you whine. You try to reach a hand between your legs to finish yourself off but he grabs your wrist before you can make contact. 

“Not yet, babe,” he tsks, “I’m not finished with you.” Grabbing the backs of your thighs, he lifts you up onto the counter, legs spread wide. He brushes his fingers against your dripping cunt, moving softly against your folds and teasing your hole.

You lean back on the counter, shoulders pressed against the mirror as you watch Eren’s eyes hungrily dance across your body. He is going to punish you for trying to make him cum earlier — he is going to tease you and edge you until you can’t take it anymore and you are so fucking excited.

“Look at you, you’re dripping,” he laughs, deep from his chest as his fingers ghost against your pussy. “I love how fuckin messy you get.” You can’t control the way your hips move with his hand, desperate to have him inside of you. Your pussy clenches around nothing, so swollen and needy to be fucked. 

He slides one finger inside of you at first. It goes in easily from the slickness of your cunt, and you already feel some relief. You gasp out a breathy moan as you grind your hips down into his hand for more stimulation. 

“So fuckin needy,” he whispers. Eren holds your hips down with his other hand while he moves his finger in and out of your pussy. Slowly, so agonizingly slow, you’re whining and desperate for more. “I love it when you’re so fucked out like this for me,” he groans, teasing your entrance before pushing another finger inside of you. 

His two fingers are so much thicker than yours and it feels so good. You whimper as he moves his fingers slowly, scissoring them inside of you but never quite hitting you where you need him most.

You try to grind your hips down onto his hand for more stimulation but his hold on you is too strong. “You can’t even fuckin control yourself around me -- you want me so bad, don’t you?”

“Yes, Eren -- please!” you’re practically crying.

“Baby, you’re so wet. I bet I could --” you feel another finger press gently against your entrance before sliding inside of you. You shudder at the feeling of three of Eren’s thick fingers pumping in your pussy. “Such a good girl,” he sigh, throwing his head back and letting his eyes fall shut as he enjoys the feeling of you squeezing around his fingers.

You can hear the slick wet sucking sounds of your pussy clenching around his digits as he fingers you. It feels so good to be stretched out like this, but it’s nothing compared to his cock. You bite your lip and moan as he grinds the heel of his hand into your clit.

“Please,” you sigh, no weight to your voice as he lazily finger fucks you. 

“Mhmm?” he hums, slowly beginning to curl his fingers up inside of you, just brushing your sweet spot. “Right there?” he asks when you gasp and twitch at his touch. “Is that the spot?”

“Eren!” You’re going to lose your mind. It feels like he’s been teasing you for hours and when he looks down at you, you can tell from the look on his face that he isn’t planning on stopping anytime soon. “Eren, fuck me — please!”

He bites his lip, breathing hard as he picks up his pace. You’re already clenching hard around his fingers, lewd, wet noises bouncing off the walls of the bathroom as your pussy leaks from your arousal all over the bathroom counter. 

“Yeah, baby,” he growls, “Keep saying my name like that and maybe I’ll let you cum.”

You instantly start chanting his name like a prayer, “Eren — Eren — Eren!” and he picks up his pace, thumb swirling over your clit as he fucks you with his fingers. 

“You like that?”

“Yes — fuck, Eren!”

“Are you gonna cum, baby? All over my hand?”

“So close, so fucking close, Eren!”

He pulls his fingers out from inside of you and you almost cry.

“No, Eren! Baby, please — please, I wanna cum so bad,” you’re practically sobbing as his hands reach for your wrists, already anticipating you to try to finish yourself off. Your pussy is clenching around nothing, desperately needing to be filled and satisfied. You’re so horny you’re practically shaking.

“Not yet,” he says, chest heaving from arousal. His thick, hard cock is pressed against your thigh and you think if you move your hips just right you might be able to slide him in. You dig your knees into his sides and roll your hips, only managing to ghost his head across your pussy. 

Eren quirks an eyebrow in amusement. “You’re so fucking needy.”

“Eren, please — I can’t take it anymore,” you whine. “Please, baby, I want your cock — I need you to fuck me, Eren,” your words are choppy and slurred, so fucking cock drunk for him that you can hardly think. 

Your desperation must stir something inside of him because he grabs your thighs, lifting you up off the counter and back onto your feet before spinning you around to face the mirror, his achingly hard cock pressed against your ass.

“Please, Eren,” you bend forward, hands bracing yourself against the mirror. “Please!” You’re almost in pain from how horny you are, so desperate for release and he’s still teasing you. You bounce your hips back against his, jerking his dick off with your thighs and finding pleasure in the way his cock rubs against your clit. You could cum just from this, you think, if he’d let you.

The head of his cock catches against your entrance and you squeeze hard around him, trying to suck him inside of you and fill you up. He groans loudly behind you, his eyes catching yours in the reflection of the mirror.

“You’re lucky I’m fucking needy too,” he growls, slowly pushing his hips forward and burying his cock inside of you. 

It’s intense -- so intense. After edging you and teasing you for so long, the feeling of his cock filling you has you gasping and crying out. You almost collapse forward into the mirror but Eren tugs on your hair with his hand, keeping your head upright and facing the mirror.

“Does that feel good?” his voice is just a rumble down your spine.

All you can do is nod in response as he starts to grind his hips against your ass. Every slight movement causing you to whine and shudder as his thick, hard cock massages against the walls of your cunt. You are already so close and he’s barely moving inside of you. 

“Fuck, I wish you could see the way your pussy’s grabbing my cock right now,” he says, eyes dark as he looks down. “You’re so fucking wet, baby, so fuckin wet.” Eren’s face is flushed, dark strands of hair sticking to his forehead from the sweat. You don’t want to take your eyes off of him but it feels too good.

You can’t wait anymore, you need to cum. You thrust your hips back into his, fucking yourself on his cock to find your release. He grips you harder as your ass bounces against his hips, his dark green eyes focusing up on yours in the mirror.

“Fuck, such a good girl,” he moans as you squeeze around him. He pulls you by the hair until your shoulder blades are touching his chest, moving his hand from your hip to swirl around your clit. Fuck. “Fuck yourself on my cock, baby, lemme feel you cum.”

It all happens so suddenly. One moment you’re on the edge and gasping and the next you’re exploding in pleasure. Every nerve ending feels like it’s on fire as you cum around Eren’s cock, clenching and squeezing him as wetness coats your thighs. You legs tremble beneath you and your eyes roll back into your head -- fuck, you’re crying from how good it feels.

You can feel Eren’s cock twitching inside of you as he fucks his cum deep inside of you. He presses his face into the crook of your neck, whimpering and whining out your name as your pussy milks his cock for every drop of his release.

When he finally stops moving he lets go of your hair and you almost collapse -- you can’t feel your legs. You fall forward onto the counter, legs still shaking as he pulls himself out of you. You’re both breathing hard and shaky.

Eren spreads you open with his thumbs to watch his cum and your own silky wetness slide down your thighs. You can see him smiling in the reflection of the mirror in satisfaction before he spanks you.

“Hey,” you whine weakly, your voice just a whisper from how hoarse your throat is -- a combination of deep throating Eren and your screaming moans.

“How are you doing, babe?”

“I think I blacked out for a minute there,” you confess.

“You made quite the mess,” he says, looking down at the puddle between your legs.

“Shut the fuck up,” you say, voice soft and breathy. You close your eyes, “I need a nap.”

---

The four of you sit on pillows on the floor while you share a box of pizza and a bottle of wine. The hotel room doesn’t have any cups, surprisingly, so rather than call the front desk and ask for some, you all decide to pass around the bottle. It doesn’t take long to finish two of the bottles, with all of you buzzing from the alcohol by the time Jean opens the third.

“So, how did you meet everyone, and what was your first impression?” Pieck asks around a mouthful of pizza. You are playing the Question Game, each person got to ask a question to someone in the group, and they had to answer or chug the wine.

“Well, I met you through Jean when we started working at Titan together,” you say, gesturing toward Pieck. “A mutual friend, Sasha, introduced me to Jean because we were in the same program together and…” you pause, thinking. “I don’t actually remember how we met,” you say, looking over at Eren.

Eren takes a drink from the wine bottle and cocks a brow. “Really?”

You shrug. “I’ve always known who you were because of the hockey team, but I don’t remember ever actually meeting you, y’know? I think the first time we talked was at the bar that one night.”

“Yeah, I think you’re right,” he says, passing you the bottle, but his tone is off.

“And what about first impressions?” Pieck presses as you take a sip.

“Oh, right! Um…” you tap on your chin in thought as you pass the bottle to Jean with your other hand. “Pieck, I thought you seemed nice, but really quiet until we played that drinking game together at the icebreaker.”

“And Jean…” You normally wouldn’t be so bold, but the burn of liquid courage in your stomach spurs you into saying, “I thought you were really cute when I first met you… until I realized you were dating Pieck,” you add quickly.

Pieck giggles as Jean looks away with a shy smile. “Oh, I didn’t know,” he says quietly, taking a sip from the bottle.

“What about me?” Eren asks, nudging you gently.

“Eren…” you pause for a moment as you look over at him. Eren looks at you and it almost seems like he’s a little nervous, but you think you’re just imagining things from the alcohol. “I wondered what it was about you that made all the girls at school go so crazy over you.

“And?” Eren asks, smirking. “Did you figure it out?”

“Yeah,” you say with a smile. “You’re just a fuck boy.”

“Well, you nailed it,” Jean laughs, sharp and cruel.

“She nailed me, actually,” Eren corrects, placing a possessive hand on your thigh as he flips off Jean. Jean rolls his eyes, “Ok, my turn.” Eren looks around the room, trying to decide who to question. “Pieck, would you trade beds with me?”

“This isn’t truth or dare -- you have to ask a question,” Jean says quickly as a heat grows across your chest.

“Was that not a question?” Eren asks, feigning confusion. “I thought I said, would you trade beds with me? That sounds like a question to me,” he turns to you, “Wouldn’t you agree?” You nod but keep your eyes down and away from Eren in embarrassment. He gives you a soft, comforting squeeze on your thigh before leaning into your ear, whispering, “If that’s ok.”

You nod again. “Totally ok.”

“Sure,” Pieck says with a bright smile. She turns to Jean, “Just no funny business, ok? Pock will flip out,” she says.

“Who’s Pock?” you ask, looking up at Pieck in confusion. That wasn’t the name of anyone you were familiar with from Titan.

When she looks over at you, her smile is almost impossibly brighter as she says, “He’s my boyfriend.”

You purse your lips in shock, eyes darting towards Jean but he masks his expression by taking a long drink from the bottle. “I didn’t know you had a boyfriend,” you say.

“Yeah, we actually live together,” she says happily. You can almost feel Jean crumbling next to her -- did he not know either? “We’ve been together for a couple of years now.”

Even Eren can sense the subtle shift in Jean’s attitude and he tries to move on. “Ok, whose turn is it next?”

Jean finishes the bottle and stands up abruptly. “I think we should all get to bed now. We’re out of alcohol and it’s late.” He nods towards you, “And we’re leaving tomorrow.”

Eren blows a raspberry at Jean. “You’re such a buzz-kill.” He wraps his arms around you and nuzzles his face into your neck, inhaling deeply against your skin. “But, that’s ok. We can go to bed.”

You’re almost giddy with excitement as you and Eren crawl into bed together. Although the two of you were sleeping together, you had never actually slept together outside of little naps in the back of his car. Your bodies mold together effortlessly with Eren’s arms wrapping you tight against his chest and your legs tangling against one another. Despite his solid, muscular build, he is a good cuddler and the perfect temperature.

You nuzzle your face into his chest as Jean and Pieck shuffle behind you in their shared bed. You can feel Eren’s laugh deep in his chest before he says, “They’re building a pillow wall.”

You giggle against his skin, pressing a soft kiss to the hollow in his neck. “How silly.”

He strokes the back of your head gently as your eyes flutter shut, the weight of the alcohol making you drowsy. “Goodnight, baby.”

“Goodnight, Eren.”

[nikethestatue]

There Was Only One Bed

Happy birthday @tswaney17

My bestie, my mate, my girl. I love you oddles and I hope that your birthday is amazing! Enjoy this provocatively titled little story.

“When will you ever man up, grow a pair of actual balls, swallow your pride and your insecurities and do what you fucking want to do? For once!”

Cassian’s rough words jolted Azriel out of his reverie and she gave his brother-best friend-bro-business partner a look of contempt and disdain. The best one he could come up with. Problem was that Cass could give it back just as well, and then some.

“Fine,” Cass shrugged, feigning indifference.

“Yeah, fine. Mind your own business,” Azriel suggested, his annoyance tripling, simply because he knew that Cass was correct.

“You know, Cass is correct,” Rhys called out–unhelpfully–from the sofa.

Azriel couldn’t stop his eyes from rolling. It was as if his brothers were in cahoots and agreed to drive him crazy.

Cass tipped his tumbler back, swallowing the last of his whiskey, and pointed his finger at him, “You know, literally everyone knows.”

Rhys was nodding, drinking his vodka and lime, brow cocked meaningfully. 

Azriel, usually the picture of self-control and unreadable emotions, growled at both of them,

“Nobody knows anything. Why? Because it’s not true. You and her sisters convinced yourselves that there is something going on,”

Cassian shook his head vigorously, his long black hair whipping about as if he was advertising for Pantene,

“No, no, we know that nothing is going on,” he kept pointing at Azriel with his finger, and Azriel wondered if it would be inappropriate to just break it. Cass was a tough guy, he could handle it. “Because if there was something going, you’d be with Elain freakin’ Archeron, in bumfuck Tennessee, drinking bourbon, eating barbecue, just before going home and getting your birthday dick sucked like a proper 30 year old, instead of hanging out with us–two dudes, who will definitely not suck your birthday dick,”

To that, Rhys nodded his head in acquiescence and piped in,

“Yeah, love you bro, but you can keep your anaconda in your jeans,”

“Jesus fuck,” Azriel gritted through his teeth.

“No, Jesus wept!” Cassian roared, like he was personally offended by Azriel and Jesus. 

“Jesus has taken his hands off the wheel,” Rhys agreed. “He is no longer helping,”

Defensively, Azriel snapped at them, “Vanderbilt is not ‘bumfuck Tennessee’ Cassian.”

Cassian got up and went to the bar, pouring himself another drink, while saying,

“You know, don’t come crying to me a year from now, when Elain is getting a proposal from some corn-fed good ol’ boy who’s got a lifetime membership at an exclusive golf club, wears Sperrys, played football in college and is now a VP in daddy’s successful company.”

“Yeah, I’ll make sure not to run to you,” Azriel assured him, his brother’s words stinging sharply and filling him with dread.

And that’s how he found himself on the plane from NYC to Tennessee. 

What was he even trying to accomplish? He had no idea.

All he knew was that last night, Elain texted him.

Elain: Hi Az! Happy birthday! It’s weird to not be there with you today.

Azriel: Thank you, El. 

(Thank you, El? What the hell?! That’s all he could manage? Maybe he was hopeless.) At that moment, for better or for worse, Cassian ripped the phone out of his hands and began tapping on it furiously. Azriel began wrestling with him, trying to get the phone back, before horrible damage was done, but Rhys and Nesta wrangled him back, while Cassian finished whatever he was typing, waited for the response, smirked widely once he read it, and then typed something more.

“Stop,” Azriel half-begged and half-ordered.

Cassian didn’t listen.

With a smug smile, he handed the phone back to Azriel. Azriel’s heart was beating in his chest like a bird in a cage, when he looked at the screen.

Azriel: I wish you were here as well. With me. For my 30th birthday.

Elain: I am sorry. I didn’t think you’d miss me.

Azriel: Don’t be ridiculous. I miss you all the time. More than you think. But guess what!

Elain: What?

Azriel: I’ll be there tomorrow. In Nash. Business trip.

Elain: You have business in Nashville? 

Azriel: Sure do. Can I stay with you?

Elain: You want to stay with me?

Azriel: If I may. If it’s alright with you. 

Elain: I suppose that’s fine. I will see you tomorrow? I am excited!

Azriel: Me too! See you.

“What the fuck? What the fuck? What the fuck?” Azriel screamed at Cassian, slapping the back of his brother’s head, and hearing Nesta’s defensive, “hey, chill out, Az!”

“He asked her if I could stay with her!” Azriel raged. “I’d never ask something like that! I’d never write something like that!”

“She don’t know that,” Cassian puffed indifferently. “She is fine. She wants you to stay with her.”

“No she doesn’t!” Azriel pulled at the ends of his thick, black hair. “No! No she doesn’t,”

“She said ‘yes’,”

“It’s because you forced her!!!”

Cassian slapped his shoulder and announced,

“No, you forced her, Az.”

Scowling, Azriel groaned ‘fucker’, while Rhysand handed him his own phone.

“Ticket booked and bought,” he grinned the most annoying fake-innocent smile.

Collapsing on the bar stool, Azriel buried his face in his hands, muttering, “fuckers. You are both fuckers.”

Azriel Knight loved Elain Archeron since the first time he saw her.

Pathetic. Cliche. 

Whatever.

He’d fallen for her during a very uncomfortable dinner, when her youngest sister Feyre introduced her new boyfriend Rhys to her sisters Nesta and Elain. Rhys had both Azriel and Cassian accompany him, and the dinner was kind of a disaster. Neither Cassian nor Nesta could keep their mouths shut, and there was plenty of bickering and sniping between the two. Feyre player referee. Rhys tried to remain diplomatic, and kept the conversation going. But Azriel…well, Azriel was enchanted by the beautiful middle sister, Elain. He didn’t hear Nesta and Cassian going at it. He didn’t notice Rhys’s hands balling into fists. He didn’t notice Feyre’s squirming. All he saw was an ethereal 24 year old, who glowed like the sun at dawn. Polite, lovely, welcoming Elain. Elain, who was clutching a fork in her small soft hand, ready to attack Cassian, if he continued to fight with Nesta. 

How could Azriel not love her?

How was it possible not to love a sweet, lovely girl who was willing to throw it down with his 6”5 ex-Navy Seal brother?

Elain. The love of his life.

Elain. Who had no idea that he was attracted to her. Elain. Who wasn’t interested in him. Elain. Who only saw him as a ‘friend’. 

Fuck his life. He didn’t want to be a friend. 

Now, he was turning 30 and he felt like his life, his last chance with her, was slipping through his fingers. However, somehow, the longer he waited the more paralysed he became. Conversations between the two of them became stilted, uncomfortable, and he was frustrated with himself and his inability to approach her and just have it out with her. Explain. Confess his feelings. But the prospect of her rejecting him filled him with such unbearable dread that he couldn’t bring himself to take that fateful step. He couldn't grow the balls that Cassian was recommending for him to grow. 

Azriel’s heart was broken even further when Elain notified everyone that she received a full scholarship to go to Vanderbilt University for her graduate program. 

Two years.

She’d left three months ago and he was already climbing the walls.

He texted her frequently and awkwardly, needing the connection, yearning for the thread of affection and yes, fucking friendship, because it was better than nothing. There was a glimmer of hope however–the communication wasn't one-sided. Elain texted him frequently as well. She sent him jokes and memes, and his favourite days were those when she greeted him in the morning with a fun emoji. He wasn’t sure what that meant, but the morning ‘hello’ was what he lived for. And luckily, she’d been sending those to him consistently. Sometimes, she sent him links to ridiculous Reddit posts and they laughed together at questions such as ‘I Ate a Year Old Packet of Ketchup. When will I die?’ and they laughed and laughed, talking on the phone for hours, often when they were cooking dinner or watching a show together.

Her not being at his 30th birthday sort of broke his heart. That’s all he actually really wanted. The only person who mattered. And she wasn’t there.

Nashville was hot as balls. 

By the time he got into his Uber, he was already sweating. So that was great. He was going to show up at Elain’s doorstep dripping sweat like a freak. 

The drive from the airport took about 25 minutes and with every minute, Azriel was getting more and more nervous. He and Elain were never really…together before. They hung out, they went out together in group settings, they celebrated Christmas and Thanksgiving and birthdays together, and Rhys hosted his annual huge 4th of July celebration barbeque, where they had to be in charge of dessert last year. Elain went into a full general mode, telling Azriel what to do, how to do it, what to get, and he was happy to follow her directions. Especially when those directions led him to her little apartment, where they spent 6 hours together, baking pies, making fudge, Elain directing him at every turn, and him following dutifully. 

The car stopped at a modern four-story apartment building and he got out, standing at the door for a good five minutes, sweating again, unable to press the button.

“Az!” he heard the familiar voice and looked up. She was on the balcony, waving at him, and just like that, the nervousness abated. 

This was his Elain. 

And whatever was going to happen, at least, he would spend his 30th with her.

Elain’s apartment was small, modern and very her. Piles of flowers everywhere. Smelled of jasmine and vanilla, and a touch of honey. Cute furniture. A neat sofa nestled between two bookshelves. 

He noticed all of these details while holding Elain in his arms, in which she threw herself the moment he stepped over the threshold.

“I can’t believe you are here!” she exclaimed, her arms wrapped around his waist, while he gingerly held her to himself. And it felt so, so good. For a moment, he forgot about everything–his bogus story about his ‘business trip’, his insecurity, the past, and the future. His girl was in his arms and that was enough. That was his best birthday gift.

“Okay, I made you dinner!” she announced, taking his ugly scarred hand in hers, her thumb tracing the bumpy, rough skin.

“You didn't have to,” he began, but she interrupted him breezily. 

“Nonsense! It’s your birthday! I wanted to make something special and I am so excited that you are here,”

He looked down at her and asked,

“Really?”

She nodded and smiled at him. 

“Of course really! I was beside myself for not being able to go back to NYC for your big 3-0, but money is tight,”

“I understand,” he assured her quickly. “I wasn’t expecting,”

“You should expect,” she told him firmly. “You should expect your friends to be there for you.”

Ugh.

Friends.

There it was. His most hated word.

“If you want to shower, it’s through there,” she showed him, “and I’ll finish up dinner.”

It was strange.

This domesticity between the two of them.

Azriel didn't know what to do with his bag, so he left it by the door. What worried him now was the little couch. He was 6”4. He could probably make it work, but he really wasn’t convinced. It was not made for someone of his bulk and his height. He hoped that Elain had an air mattress or something. Maybe he could sleep in the bathtub?

However, once he stepped into the bathroom, he only found a shower. 

Great…

As he stepped inside the glass enclosure, he became acutely aware of his own nakedness in Elain’s space. There was just a door between him and his nude body and Elain. Using her body wash was also nice. Intimate and he was happy that it didn’t smell too girly. Whatever ‘Snowflake Sparkle’ smelled like, it smelled good.

Elain went all out. 

The small round table was set up properly with nice dishes, wine glasses, even cloth napkins and a few candles.

When he emerged from the bathroom, he looked around, still hoping to see another sofa or something, but then Elain caught his attention. She had rebraided her hair, put on some softly-shimmering lip balm, which made her already soft, luscious lips look even plumper, more kissable.

He really needed to stop thinking like that.

They were friends.

But did friends wear cute flower dresses like these? And did friends nervously invited him to sit down at the table and handed him a bottle of Prosecco, murmuring shyly,

“I thought it would be appropriate to have some bubbly for your birthday.”

“Thank you, Elain. You didn’t…” he stopped himself, knowing that she’d just argue with him. “This is perfect.”

She blushed and when he poured a glass for each of them, she lifted and said,

“To you, Az! I hope you have a good birthday,”

“It’s proving to be pretty great already,” he said.

“And I hope that you get what you wish for,” she clinked the glass with his and then gulped down nervously.

He was pretty much already getting many of his wishes come true.

“I made risotto and scallops,” she announced, as she skipped to the stove and he gasped and chided her,

“Elain! Scallops are so expensive!”

“But it’s your birthday. And for your birthday, you deserve to get the best.”

Without thinking he said, “I already have the best.”

She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and glanced at him in a way that maybe wasn’t exactly friendly. Like maybe it was something different…

“So.”

Azriel was full. And happy. And pleased. And it was the best birthday of his life.

He ate so much lemon risotto and six very large, succulent scallops, and drank Prosecco and then they split another bottle of wine between the two of them, only to end the feast with a strawberry mascarpone cake, which was out of this world, and was homemade by Elain. She lit birthday candles and sang ‘Happy Birthday’ to him, while doing an adorable dance, which also looked unbelievably sexy.

“I can’t believe you did this for me,” he marvelled.

She bit her lower lip, and said, “It was my pleasure.”

No, it was definitely his pleasure. All of it. If only he could pull that fleshy lower lip of hers into his mouth and kiss her senseless, then his birthday would be complete.

“So?” he wondered what this was about.

Her hands on her small round hips, she looked both fierce and anxious somehow.

“I only have one bed,” she said at last.

His face dropped.

“Oh…Well, that’s okay. I’ll sleep on the couch.”

She frowned at the idea and shook her head,

“I don’t think that’s going to work. You won’t fit.”

“It’s okay. I’ll shimmy.”

She picked at her skirt and then said,

“If you promise to be honourable, you can sleep in my bed.”

He was so taken aback by the offer, that he just stood there and stared at her dumbly.

“Elain, that’s not necessary,” he protested weakly.

Fuck. He wanted to be in her bed. Very much so. Like he never wanted anything more than that.

“Well, I know it’s not, but…it’s okay with me,” she admitted.

“Of course I will be honourable,” he promised immediately.

It will be tough, but he wasn’t going to betray her trust no matter how much he wanted to touch her, and if his mind was currently in the gutter.

“Okay then,” she decided.

…He agonised over what to wear to bed–usually, he just wore his boxers, and sometimes, slept entirely naked, though he didn’t think that this was the time or the place. Should he wear a t-shirt? But that felt weird and dorky, with too much bare leg. Shorts only? Too forward?

He had no idea what the rules were, and finally, while Elain was in the bathroom, he just settled on shorts and that’s it. Most men slept like that? Right?

He was in bed, under the covers, when Elain emerged from the bathroom, and his breaths stalled in his chest when he saw her. Her long hair was loose, and she wore a pink cami and long pyjama pants. 

“Are you still okay with this?” he inquired, just to make sure.

She nodded once and then slid under the blanket next to him.

“Is this strange?” she asked softly.

“Not for me,” he said simply.

“Oh good. I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable,” she exhaled a relieved sigh. “When you texted me yesterday,”

Cassian. Cassian texted you. 

“I was worried about where you’d sleep,”

“But you said yes?” he pondered.

When he snuck a look at her, he saw that her cheeks were pink and she whispered,

“Well, yes.”

“So then why would I be uncomfortable?”

…Sometime in the night, Azriel found himself cradling Elain in his arms.

He spooned her, without meaning to, but somehow, in his sleep, he naturally drifted towards her. She was curled in her side, arms tucked into her chest, and he wrapped his arm around her, pulling her closer. Her bare feet tangled with his legs, and once he settled in behind her, he didn’t move, burying his face atop of her head, and holding her tightly next to him. 

He lay there for a few peaceful, calm moments, inhaling her scent and enjoying her softness before whispering “I will be gentle with your soul, if you let me in. I promise.”

The next time Azriel woke up was when he sensed light behind his eyelids and a light, tentative scraping of a little finger over his chest, his shoulders. He noticed the silky skin of her leg, which was slotted between his own legs, the toes sort of scratching and playing with his calf. Her finger kept tracing erratic patterns on his skin, and it finally dawned on him that she was following the design of his tattoos. 

“Always wanted to do this,” he heard her whisper.

“What, exactly?” he asked. Feeling bold today, because clearly things have changed since last night, actually, ever since he came here, he added, “Wake up next to me in bed? Have me hold you in my arms through the night? Touch my tats?”

She didn't answer immediately and when he managed to open one eye and peer at her, he saw her gorgeous face and a vexed expression which wrinkled her forehead.

“What?” he pressed, reaching up and cupping her cheek in his palm.

“All of the above?” she said at last, looking up at him.

“Good. I’ve always wanted to do this,” he murmured then, and fuck all doubt and questions swirling in his head, because he was swooping down and pressing his mouth over hers. There was a tiny gasp of surprise and satisfaction when he licked over the puffy lips, learning their texture, before she parted them for him, without him even asking for permission. Offering him entry, she lightly licked on his tongue, as she wrapped her arm around his back and pressed him closer to her chest, the wonderfully ample tits smashing against him, the little nipples poking through her cami.

Azriel kissed her. And kissed her. Slow and sensual. Forceful and dominant. Gentle and exploring. Filthy and sexual. Every kiss in one kiss. And she happily, eagerly responded to every variation, often taking control and kissing him in her own manner. 

The need for oxygen finally forced them apart, but only barely. He still placed slow, sensual kisses over her lips, her face, her ears, her hair. 

“May I take you on a proper date?” he asked at last.

She giggled joyfully and tucked her face into his neck, vibrating with excitement next to him.

“I thought you’d never ask!”

“Better late than never,” he said sheepishly and kissed her again.

Azriel’s phone dinged with an incoming message.

The flight attendant announced on the intercom that they should be turning things off right about now, but he glanced at the message.

Elain: When you come visit in two weeks, I’ll have a place for you to sleep.

There was an image attached.

Her neat sofa in the living room, extended into a perfectly nice, large sofa bed.

He stared at the photo and then grinned.

Azriel: You are a bad, bad girl.

Elain: Some men need a little push in the right direction.

Azriel: Some men do. But too late

Elain: For what?

Azriel: From now on, I’ll be sleeping in your bed.

Elain: Please do.