#literally i do Not know how to express my feelings i just need SOMEONE to be unwell about sharena w me.
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Recently Iâve been thinking about the different types of love languages in Omniscient Readerâs Viewpoint, The S-Classes That I Raised, and Lout of the Countâs FamilyâŠ
Not to say that each of the stories describes only one single kind of love language; they are, after all, all novels that focus on Found Family, with many different types of relationships between characters that express their love for each other in as many different ways.
Yet, Iâve noticed how at the core of each of these three stories there is one specific act of love that recurs more than others, and that becomes the true Theme each novel revolves around.
In Lout of the Countâs Family, the main love language is providing food and a home.
âHomeâ is such an important concept in LCF that Cale collects houses like they were pokemon cards. The source of his trauma when he was a child as Kim Roksu was that he was not given sufficient food, and that where he lived was not truly a shelter where he could feel safe, just a place he was trapped in.
And I donât think there are ever more than 2 chapters in a row without a character offering food to others, or asking if theyâre hungry, if theyâve eaten, why havenât you eaten, here have some apple pie!!
Cale uses his newfound money and power to make sure his loved ones are provided for. Thatâs how he adopts bonds with most of his new family.
The first thing Raon does after heâs freed from the prison heâs been trapped in all his life, is to leave food for this hopelessly weak human.
Choi Han, who has lived alone in a dangerous forest for decades, would do anything to protect his home.
The Crown Prince, who has been isolated and untrusting of everyone ever since his mother died, makes sure to always have cookies in his bedroom in case guests âbreak inâ for a visit at any time of the day or the night.
I love you, youâll never be hungry again. I love you, my home is your home.
In The S-Classes That I Raised, the main love language is words.
Yoojinâs powers are literally activated by telling people âI love youâ. Because all he ever wanted was to say âI love youâ to his brother one last time.
Because the tragedy that starts the story happens because Yoohyun loved and protected his hyung in secret for years. Silence creates misunderstandings, it creates distance, it leads to loss.
Loving someone isnât enough, tell them! Reassure them. Remember what they say, because their words are important!!
Ever since the regression, Yoojin always let people know when he loves them and appreciates them. âYouâre perfect, youâre cute, youâre so talented, youâre so handsome, you are loved.â
And as the novel progresses, whenever Yoojin is in pain, or doesnât know what to do, he turns to Sung Hyunje because he needs to be reassured, he needs to know he did well, he needs to hear he is still important to the people he loves.
I love you, please know that I love you! I love you, please tell me you love me back.
And finally, in Omniscient Readerâs Viewpoint, the main love language is time.
Time is one of the greatest sources of horrors in ORV. Eternities upon eternities of suffering, being trapped for ages in the same, hopeless loop, wishing for everything to just stop.
And yet, time is also the greatest gift characters give to each other.
Because the wounds Dokja suffered as a child, and then again and again through his whole lifeâŠ. They need time to heal. They need so much time. They will probably take forever.
So let them take forever.
Despite how much pain and worry he causes his companions by giving up on himself over and over again, his companions never give up on him. And he doesnât understand why!! He doesnât think heâs worth it. But itâs not his choice, itâs theirs. And they will go through as many tries, as much pain, as much time as it takes, before they can finally save him.
I love you, so I will wait fifty years for you. I love you, so I will live through thousands of lifetimes to find you. I love you, so I will read and reread your story for the rest of time, just to keep you alive.
#been feeling some feelings#love languages#omniscient reader's viewpoint#the s classes that i raised#lout of the countâs family#orv#sctir#tsctir#lcf#tcf#trash of the count's family#cale henituse#kim roksu#han yoojin#kim dokja
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FURTHERMORE,
PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD,
IGNORE THE NUMBERS
They mean nothing.
One thing I forgot to mention is that there's this expectation some people I've spoken to have that if their post doesn't do its usual numbers of notes or comments or likes, whatever the platform you're on uses, then it wasn't "worthwhile" or people "didn't like it".
Dude. Bro. Girly. They. It.
Whatever notes you get, whether it's 10k or 1 is a genuine life touched. People don't come on here and reblog or share or like without having felt something. Okay, yeah, sure, maybe you didn't explode and reach 50 thousand people and they didn't all simultaneously explode from excitement.
BUT THAT'S OKAY.
Social media platforms are designed around algorithms to push content they assume people want to see. Quite frankly, however, these algorithms suck balls. Tumblr might be one of the better in terms of posts reaching audiences and old posts gaining recognition for a long time after they were posted, but it's still just a computer throwing shit on a screen.
I see, and talk to, a lot of artists that feel they can't OC post or that they have failed because "my usual audience size didn't all see the post I made" when there's a dozen things beyond their control that affect whether or not people even know they've uploaded. Here's a short list of shit that can affect whether or not your post is seen by the average joe:
Tags
Notes
Fandom or OC
Followers
Time of Day
The weather outside
The Algorithmâą
Luck
Hype around a fandom at a given time
Trends
A total of ONE of these you can control, being the tags. You have literally no say whether your post does well or not, at it SHOULDN'T MATTER. As discussed in the original post, do art for you! These numbers are genuine people behind a screen that have felt touched by what you have made. It doesn't matter whether that's one person ever, or a million people at once. People were altered even in the smallest ways by your creation, whether it was a smile or a happy cry, and that's beautiful. That's what art is, an expression of self that others can find comfort in when shared. But the key words are "EXPRESSION OF SELF." Not what the audience wants, not what God wants, but what you want.
Let me put it this way:
If you open a hospital, and are used to treating a million people a day but then suddenly have a day where only 5 people show up in need of help, is that a bad day? Or is it just good that people didn't need help? One day they might and you'll still be there because hospital equipment doesn't just vanish into thin air one day.
Audiences will see your work when they need to, and when they don't they won't. There's no two ways about it, you're fighting impossible odds if you try to make it any other way. So just let it be, do art for you and fuck everyone else. Because ultimately, the only person you're fucking by doing otherwise is yourself, and the world does plenty of that for us by default.
So go ahead, OC post! Create porn! Create the most angst-riddled depressing shit you possibly can! Don't worry about whether or not it'll do numbers and blow up big, because it doesn't matter! All that matters is that you had fun, and every life you touch with your work is a genuine human connection made over impossible distances that otherwise would've never occurred. Even posting this I'm speaking to people all the way from China to Mexico.
Will they see it? Who knows! But it doesn't matter, as long as one person sees it then that's a good thing. If nobody sees it that's great too! It means nobody needed to, so the world didn't need more lecturing on how to be happy.
Live life folks. No matter who you are, someone loves you, whether they know it yet or not, whether you know it yet or not.
Thank you for coming to my inane rant, have a good day! :D
From,
Jofferson
DO ART FOR YOU! đ«”
FUCK EVERYONE ELSE!!!
Seriously.
I'm so sick and weary of logging on here and seeing creators I adore, and people I don't even know alike, apologising for not uploading or basically begging for a break like they're not a human with needs.
You're literally a human being, with thoughts, feelings and emotions. You're not an art factory, you're not some positivity pump, you're nothing other than a genuine human being living a genuine life experience.
SO GO LIVE IT!!!
YOU OWE THE INTERNET NOTHING!!!!
There should be, and realistically is, no shame in just fucking leaving if you want to. There's no contract you signed, there's no permit you bought or lease you hold. You're a person who decided to share their art with the world, FOR FREE, and garnered an audience of faceless people behind screens who enjoy that art because YOU wanted to make it and share it.
Let me be frank as best I can. You owe the internet nothing, you owe the world nothing and you owe yourself EVERYTHING. You are the only person who can live your life, you are the only person who can create the things you create and you are the only motherfucker that should matter to you when you create those things.
Art is supposed to be a wondrous joy that inspires the mind and indulges ideas that other creatures can't even comprehend. It's supposed to be a magical and fun fantasy land where anything is possible because you make it possible. It's not a 9-5 unless you make it one, so stop making your hobby a 9-5 unless you're getting paid for it, and even then put in limits because no job that you choose to do should end in you burnt out and wishing you'd never started in the first place.
Remember when we were all kids? When we all drew and wrote for fun simply because we could? We'd show people are shit and be like "Mama look!" and she'd clap her hands all proud. But she wasn't why you picked up that crayon, you just did it for you because you wanted to make some shit.
That's how it should be. That's how it is unless you let those fake ass numbers on a screen rule your life. It's all meaningless, the praise may be genuine but that doesn't mean you should spend your whole life running in circles and performing for an audience.
Be a human being! Be an artist! Fuck everyone else!
Just be yourself <3
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I really don't get how Lea could ever think they and the Hunter were a team, when apparently they knew about the collar thing while the hunter didn't even know??? They are the literal embodiment of the Hunter's alienation and dehumanization. Will Lea (and the narrative) ever acknowledge how fucking despicable the order actually is??? They're a bunch of child abusers who prey on poor families and practice human trafficking. On that note I actually deeply despise the Hunter's mentor. That fight scene with him forcing us to stand up again and again? I don't care that the same was done to him and he did it to make the Hunter stronger or whatever. That was the same logic my grandmother had when she hit my mother, and she would have done the same to us if my mother hadn't cut ties with her and broke the cycle of generational violence. I'm sorry. I probably shouldn't play this game right now as it very clearly trigger some things within me that I should address elsewhere than in your ask box, but I guess I needed to express how helpless the Hunter made me feel. Especially with Lea. My character (and myself I guess) couldn't sit down and have a normal conversation with them given how blind they were to the Hunter's situation, and that was even before I understood what the collar thing truly meant after replaying the demo and reading the last snippet you published. Lea comes from a powerful family with ties everywhere, they are literally called our 'handler', and they know what the ladder does to someone (both short term and long term, mentally and physically)... And they truly think them and the Hunter are the same??? Equals??? The only explanation I can find is that they grew up their entire life within the order and never knew anything else, and so this is a case of great ignorance and deep denial. They need a good wake up call and a lot of character development, but when I see Noel's reaction and Lea's behavior during their rival route, I'm kinda worried.
well... i mean most of what you've mentioned here is The Point. Lea is a hypocrite, and the hunter can argue with them and refuse their partnership because of it. Jorah is an asshole and treated the hunter poorly at times, to the point that him and Rodrick argued about it frequently, and is why Rodrick attempts to intervene when they spar. the Order does cause harm and coerces people into their ranks, usually children or those that are more vulnerable and lack other options; and this is always true no matter how the hunter tries to justify it and convince themselves otherwise. all of the people and institutions in this game are complex, none of them are righteous, and they exist as they do because i have something i want to say-- all of these are choices i've intentionally made when writing this story.
and we're only on chapter 1 right now (and even before the rerelease, only on chapter 2), all of the characters need character development, none of their arcs have even started yet.
this story is supposed to make you Feel, big feelings and little feelings, my goal is for people to connect with the characters or at the very least just empathize with them and have a desire to see their stories through. i'm not out to trigger people but this game is intended to be a dark fantasy that explores heavier topics. i'm always open to discussing my thoughts behind certain characters/narrative choices and i will always welcome suggestions if you feel i need to add something to the content warning list, but i really don't like asks like this, and i'm not really sure how to respond as a stranger on the internet. you can either trust me and my intent as the author, or maybe it would be better to not continue with the story if that's what is best and safest for you. only you can know and make that choice, not me.
#no judgement either way i have the content warnings there for a reason i know this story isnt for everyone & can be upsetting#but i would appreciate in the future. for people to not vent personal traumas to me in my inbox#ask#anonymous
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I was reading this post by @just-a-little-cellist and I was inspired to do something similar but with the fellowship
Iâve done a few more specific mental health hcâs but this is just their general relationship with mental health as opposed to how they handle others with something specific if that makes sense
Also Iâm not trying to diagnose any characters; you shouldnât make assumptions about others, these are just my hcs for some version of the characters, whether canon or not, we will never know
The Fellowship and mental health
Aragorn:
-He is very knowledgeable about different mental health disorders
-Very quick to pick up on it
-I donât imagine him having any personal experience with any of it though
-I could imagine him having ADHD as a kid and although it doesnât just go away he has learned to mask it incredibly well
-He has mixed thoughts on medication; heâs not against it but he personally wonât take anything
Legolas:
-I think elves are a split bunch
-Their knowledge of mental health is scattered
-Elves are not shy with feelings but I donât imagine them having many problems when not in a time of grief
-And I think Legolas was especially sheltered from any mental health discussions
-Maybe the woodland elves are less open to the idea since I think Elrond knows everything about mental disorders
-A cultural difference I suppose
-He loves learning though so he will ask lots of questions
Gimli:
-Dwarves are not strangers to troubled mental health
-They are openly emotional and expressive
-But they donât put names to it; the idea of disorders is not in their nature
-Like they will openly discuss having trouble but donât tell them they have depression or something
Boromir:
-I could totally see him having anxiety that heâs learned to suppress because his father is a dickhead
-He knows about the more common disorders and is very supportive
-He doesnât always understand and sometimes he accidentally comes across as dismissive
-Iâve mentioned before that I kinda picture him to be similar to Arthur from BBCâs Merlin (but when he learns to be a bit nicer lol)
-Heâs trying his best; he needs a little patience to learn is all
Frodo:
-He reads a lot so I donât think heâs any stranger
-I think PTSD from the events in LOTR is the first time personally experiencing neurodivergence though
-Bilboâs definitely got a pinch of something but I couldnât tell you what
-So he doesnât really question anyone; heâs kinda like âwell, if I meet someone quirkier than my uncle it will be a wondrous dayâ
Sam:
-I think heâs pretty naive to mental disorders
-Not because he doesnât want to learn; but he just doesnât know better
-He may be a bit judgmental at first
-Like I could imagine him making a comment like âwhatâs up with them?â kind of thing
-But he truly doesnât mean to be offensive
-He doesnât branch out much from the people and things he knows so anything new is strange
-But he will be so supportive and will never live down his own regret for saying something even slightly offensive
Merry:
-He knows every disorder, every sign and symptom, and everything to actually have the disorder
-Like this guy has read every version of the DSM
-He finds it fascinating how peopleâs brains work so differently
-He totally thinks he can diagnose people though; which isnât great Merry
Pippin:
-Literally doesnât care
-And I mean he doesnât judge and it doesnât change how he thinks of someone
-Itâs just kinda like âyeah they do that sometimes; itâs part of their charmâ
-Will stim with someone absentmindedly; he is just inherently a copy cat
Gandalf:
-Obviously he knows all the shit and doesnât discriminate against anyone
-Violently protective if someone makes an inconsiderate, presumptuous, or offensive comment
-Gives kind advice if someone is struggling; but he wonât be overbearing or draw a lot of attention to it
-Ik for some people it is part of their identity and he respects that, but he isnât going to make jokes or anything (like example: a majority of my friends, which isnât a lot tbh, are autistic and I joke with them that clearly I have âša typeâš)
âââââââââââââââââââââââ
I personally have my own struggles and experience with my own mental health but I am not the most educated despite this. I know my own diagnoses pretty well but itâs only a small amount compared to the vast number of different disorders.
If anything in here is written in a way that is offensive please let me know; I try my best but itâs entirely possible I am blinded to certain things
Anyway love everyone and I hope you all are doing well :)
#lotr#lord of the rings#lotr headcanons#legolas#lotr fellowship#the lord of the rings#frodo baggins#lotr preferences#boromir#samwise gamgee#meriadoc brandybuck#merry and pippin#peregrine took#gandalf the grey#gandalf#sam gamgee#Aragorn#Gimli#mental health
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ranking the phantom troupe based on how good of parents they would be
1. chrollo. the way that this isnât even because i have favoritism towards chrollo, its because heâs so responsibleđ„čđ„čđ„č like do you see the way that he basically takes care of the troupe? fathered so hard he mothered tbh. chrollo is literally so girl dad codedđ„ș prolly cried when his held his child for the first time. heâd be the sweetest, brushing his daughterâs hair and taking her shopping.
2. pakunoda. sheâs so respectful and self sacrificial and responsible im cryingđ„ș she makes me cry real skibidi tears like togashi look at what you took away from us. sheâd be the literal sweetest mama ever. sheâs soooo girl mom coded itâs insane. can you imagine her painting her daughterâs nails pink?đ„čđ she would 100% take her daughter on mall trips all the time.
3. phinks. controversial opinion but this guy would lowkey but SUCH A GOOD DAD. remember during the chimera ant arc when he gave shizuku his clothes because she lost hers? i just KNOW that he would play video games with his son and once begrudgingly wore a tiara for his daughter.
4. franklin. i donât think heâd ever have kids (or want them for that matter), but if ever were to babysit kids, just know that heâll be great. since we all know that heâs literally just a chill guy, heâll just let the kids play video games and eat food the whole time.
5. nobunaga. okay okay HEAR ME OUT HE WOULD BE SO CUTE. like okay he wouldnât be a âgoodâ parent, but can you imagine him running around with his kid wreaking havoc and letting them play with his hair? like come on thatâs literally like my dream dadđâ€ïž
6. shizuku. now she definitely is NOT responsible, but she doesnât even need to be because sheâll lowkey be so chill and nice with her kids. thereâs a saying that kids like pretty girls, and shizuku is definitely that. sheâll probably let her kids play on her phone or something, and i lowkey donât think sheâll care if they take her glasses or smth.
7. machi. sheâs responsible, donât get me wrong, but i think sheâll be a bit too strict on her kid because she has trouble expressing any positive emotions. but when her kid runs away crying, sheâll instantly feel SO BAD and try her best to comfort the kid. she might make them a doll or some clothes or something.
8. bonolenov. we donât really know too much about him, but he seems to care a lot about the troupe, so then itâs probably natural to assume that heâll be the same with his children, if he ever has any, of course. heâll probably teach them about their clan and what the holes in his clanâs body symbolizes.
9. shalnark. now, heâs a friendly and âsweetâ guy, but i have a strong feeling that he wouldnât like kids very much. theyâre probably too dumb and pure for his liking, and he probably feels sort of uncomfortable when it comes to kids. if he finds out that someone is going to have his kids, then 90% of the time, shalnark will pull a ging freecss. the other 10% of the time, heâll try his best.
10. uvogin. heâs the type of guy to want his child to learn how to fight and learn Nen as soon as possible, even if he has to initiate them to unlock their aura nodes. heâd lowkey drink beer one day and offer his kids some beer too, forgetting that theyâre underage. but he loves his kids dearly though and would do anything for them, so thatâs good enough.
11. feitan. oh this guy HATES KIDS. he finds them annoying and loud and stupid, and he gets the ick even when he LOOKS at a kid. if he ever had a kid, (which he probably wouldnât but just hypothetically speaking) heâd have less of a reaction considering how that kid literally comes from inside of him, but heâd begrudgingly raise them as best he canâŠif itâs a son. if itâs a daughter, then i feel like heâll be much softer and (try to be) more gentle.
12. illumi. pretty self explanatory tbh. heâll love his kids dearly, but heâll express it in toxic and unhealthy ways (heâll also put them through terrible Zoldyck training)
13. hisoka. do NOT let this man near kids, even his own.
âââ
kalluto, kortopi - how do you expect them to have children when theyâre literally children themselves?
#hunter x hunter#hxh#chrollo#chrollo lucilfer#hxh x reader#chrollo x reader#phantom troupe#phantom troupe hcs#nobunaga#feitan#feitan x reader#machi hxh#machi komacine#machi#hxh hisoka#hisoka#hisoka morow#hisoka x reader#phinks#shalnark#shizuku murasaki#shizuku hxh#pakunoda#uvogin#illumi zoldyck#hxh illumi#phantom troupe x reader#hxh hcs#hxh chrollo#chrollo hunter x hunter
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NO MORE ASSOCIATING THINGS WITH FEMMES ONLY BECAUSE THEY ARE PINK!HYPERFEM FEMMES ARE GREAT AND I LOVE YOU CAMPY FEMMES WHO EMBODY PINK BUT ALSO JESUS CHRIST CAN YOU GUYS NOT GO MORE THAN ONE DAY W/O TRYING TO SHOEHORN FEMMES INTO BEING ONLY PINK UWU BABIES. I AM FEMME AS IN GRASS AS IN DIRT AS IN TREE BARK AS IN WEEDS SPROUTING THROUGH THE SIDEWALK CEMENT. FEMME AS IN GENDER NONCONFORMITY AS IN FUCK YOU MY FEMININITY IS WHAT *I* SAY IT IS. FEMME AS IN DEPTH AND DARKNESS AND WARMTH AND TERROR. FEMME AS IN CAVES. FEMME AS IN LIGHTNING. FEMME AS IN AN AMALGAMATION OF TRAITS THAT I HAVE DECIDED ARE FEMININE REGARDLESS OF WHAT SOCIETY SAYS. FUCK IS IT THAT HARD TO UNDERSTAND?!???
#personal#i am emotional yes#over the years ive had this blog I've made a few posts abt being femme#nd whether they're serious or jokey..... inevitably someone in the tags goes âohhh yeah bc pinkâ#or in the case of what inspired this post: someone going âwhat about the pink onesâ on my praying mantis post#and im just.#sick of it. im sick of femme being equated to pink and frilly girlie behaviors.#im sick of femme being equated to skirts and heels. to makeup. to skincare. to pristine nails exactly almond shaped.#im sick of ppl acting like All femmes aspire to this shit. im sick of femms being reduced to this shit.#and i love pink! i love pink! my phone theme is quite literally just black and pink all over.#im just. so tired of any expression of Femme identity being shoehorned into being a Specific type of femininity#especially as someone who DOES get dysphoric wearing skirts. wearing dresses. embodying the femme aesthetic yall are so set on making#if u guys wanna rb this i truly dont care#i just needed to scream#and this is one small thing#but the 2nd largest category of anon hate i have gotten since making this blog is str8 up homophobia from other âqueerâ folks#saying i cant be femme bc of how i present. calling me slurs (and using them as such) bc they cant understand femme as anything but that#my wife and i have our users in our personal discord server set as 2 different things of anon hate ive gotten#i have had OTHER FEMMES tell me i am not femme. femmes who Know im femme who still call me butch. femmes who ive corrected and been blocked#-by bc of it. the number 1 largest demographic of queerfolk who have me blocked rn is TME femmes who embody pink also#and i dont think its a coincidence at all. (and i know this bc i go to try and follow these ppl bc they get rbed on my dash & i cant)#and ik their blogs arent deleted bc some of them don't block my wife (tall. white. butch) and it cant be politics cause her and i rb#a lot of the same political shit (fuck. i think she rbs More than i do even. this is genuinely mainly a nsft blog)#and usually i don't say anything but im having a bad day so i get to be angry about this and if anyone fucking tries me i will block u#idc if we've been mutuals 4ever. im judt so tired of feeling like i am not Enough as a femme bc i dont embody this shit#im sick of this lameass lip service to he/him gnc femmes etc when the thin white 50s housewife femme is still what is preferred and loved#im sick of this lamesss lip service when y'all feel entitled to theorizing on other femmes genders bc u cant conceptualize a femme who does#wanna be hypetfeminine. im sick of it. im sick of it. im sick of it.#celebrity bun
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sonic and snufkin actually kind of feel like very similar characters to me. holding hands over âmy personal sense of freedom and dedication to making decisions based on what I think is right is what matters most, and if youâve built some idealized version of me in your head then thatâs none of my business and itâs not my responsibility if the reality of who i am lets you down in some wayâ. also the deep connection to nature and all.
#N posts stuff#this is also a little why i am extremely picky about fanfic for these two#bc fic where like. snufkin finally settles down in the valley or lets moonin come along on his winter journey or whatever#they grate because it feels like youâre getting rid of a core of snufkinâs character for convenience.#âhe would not fucking do thatâ style. i donât like it.#like you do you itâs not a big deal itâs just personal opinion#the same for sonic. for him itâs less about being tied down in a literal sense and more to do with. conceptually#like sonic is a character very Unavailable emotionally and i dont think thatâs something about himself heâs willing to change#i think that sonic is a very Internal person and his personal sense of freedom is such that like#he doesnât Care what other people think about him. in sa2 he doesnât seem to care that heâs been mistakenly labeled a villain bc thatâs#none of his business. and in tbk heâs blunt about how heâll happily become the âvillainâ in other peopleâs eyes if heâs making the choice He#thinks is right. i donât think his aversion to emotional sincerity or openness comes from some Hero Persona#i think he just doesnât ever want to be put in a position where he has to navigate his friends emotions about his emotions#meaning like. being open about your problems opens you up to people who think they know better than you and want to force you to listen#to them âfor your own goodâ which i think sonic would resent on a lot of levels. so heâs unwilling to make himself vulnerable to that#but also even if someone isnât Forcing you to listen you can still hurt people by ârefusingâ to take care of yourself the way They think#is best. so their emotions become a coercive force intentionally or otherwise which sonic would also resent#and sonic doesnât want to resent his friends. so heâs like âokay i just wonât put us in that position thenâ#i also think he doesnât feel a need to Justify himself to anyone. so explaining his emotions or the Whys of who he is#feels like an attempt at justification that sonic would dislike and avoid on Principle even if heâs the only one seeing it that way#anyway âhe would not fucking say thatâ but itâs sonic having a genuine moment of emotional honesty#i do think that snufkin is more. Open to his own emotions though. and the expression of them#Comet âweeping over the seaâ moment my beloved. sonic Wouldnât do that i think#i do think he closes himself off to his own emotions he doesnât want to be tied down by Those either#which is why i also think that sonic as a character is informed by repressed/dissociative amnesia#like i Am projecting a little but i also think it makes sense for him. âwho i used to be is none of my business i only care about#who i am Right Nowâ which is another reason why he doesnât like talking about his honest emotions#bc if he talks about them then He canât forget them properly bc that moment is now in someone elseâs head for them to remember and remind#him of. and he doesnât want to do that so itâs for the best if he never admits to anything so heâs free to ignore and forget what he wants#In My Opinion. these tags got long i wonder if tumblr is going to delete a bunch lol
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One thing about me is. AAAAAA AAAAUGHHH AAHHHHGGHHGHHHH SHARENA JUMPSCARE AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
#literally i do Not know how to express my feelings i just need SOMEONE to be unwell about sharena w me.#I LITERALLY GET SO BLINDSIDED SOMETIMES. LIKE. what the FUCK did they spike her character with#she's such a sleeper agent. like yay sharena đ©· *clutching my head doubled over* eeughghEUGGEHHJHAAAAAAAUGHGJGHGHGHHH!!!!!!#maybe it's a consequence of the Type of character she is too. like. you meet alfonse and you already know oh he has issues. cool cool cool#sharena. it takes a while. but you start to notice some off things about her. you write it off maybe.#until it's. very in your face. OH. she. has issues as well. she's just like. REALLY adept at hiding it. maybe even from herself.#BUT SHE. PUTS HER WHOLE HEART INTO EVERYTHING. SHE'S SO DEDICATED. SO DEVOTED TO HER FRIENDS!!!!!!!!#might ALSO just be a difference in how each are perceived bc of how they carry themselves like.#alfonse being more uptight and aloof maybe his issues are just even more noticeable w that combo#meanwhile sharena is just a ray a sunshine she's playful she's full of whimsy. yaaaay YIPPEEE!!! but watch out.#idk idk i know i'm [redacted] about alfonse but that does NOT undermine just how fuckinh insane i am about sharena as well.#different feelings but similar levels of insanity.#sharena
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zzzzzz
#soooo tired.. today was a lot of fun (outdoor boulderiny yayy) but also a LOT I was out literally 9-5. full work day#did some cool stuff tho.... harder stuff than i thought i was capable of n got the beta on a couple challenges that no one else did#actually got one that the instructor hadnt managed to do before which made me feel B-)#i just love problem solving routes like ik my technical knowledge is sometimes lacking but i have a good innate sense for it#i couldnt explain how i figure out how to do smth but the creativity of it is mmmmmm. i rly miss being artistically creative like i havent#really done much for a while but i guess climbing is currently a bit of an outlet for that for me like its a similar kind of stimulation#and i like coming up w beta n then watching someone else use the same. nothing better than a team send#might look into some low level instructor quals next year. or taking courses bc id love to know more technical shit#or at least be able to name technique i instinctively use so i can describe things better#anyway think my roommate might be annoyed at me but idk its probably nothing to do with me. been finding it so hard to read her lately#but might just be projecting. ive felt lonely lately so maybe im imagining distance between myself + others that others dont rly perceive#bc ik i have a habit of that sometimes. i dont knooow. but thats ok. we're all just trying to get by#and maybe ill have my needs met someday and be able to express myself and ill stop feeling so alone in tha world....#anywayyyy gotta shower and then ill watch smth...... feels so much later than it is im so sleepyyy#.diaries
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i worry a lot about some transfems and its not me trying to be like "im better than you" or some shit its bc some of them remind me of me when i was a kid and new into being considered a girl/woman and being really naive thinking people would treat me better than they would- like i knew people were gonna be shitty but i wasnt prepared for the sheer amount of dehumanization and being reduced to just a sex object... idk... I just want some of you out there to be careful...
#ik its hard to convey tone and emotion through text but i do really worry.#im sure people have felt the same way about me being new into being considered a guy too. Ik i wasnt prepared for how emotionally distant#guys can be. and how like. atomized we all are and how a lot of guys only know how to interact with the world through violence and#being a dick and .-. basically how a lot of guys are just bullies. idk.#i think if we have experiences that we think we can help others by sharing them and maybe preventing them from making the same mistakes#as us then we should share them yknow. idk.#for me at least it does in some ways feel like im a little kid again learning what its like to navigate a new social setting.#like i didnt realize how much playing pvp games with cis guys suck and ppl who grew up with that are just like. 'yeah. thats just how it is#im literally playing wow rn and playing on a pvp server and i literally never attack anyone sdhjdshjvvfd and ppl are just like.#dicks for NO REASON. im LITERALLY RUNNING AWAY. ugh#i get it dude! this is the only way you can feel like you have a big dick but cmon. you gotta accept the truth some day#^and having to learn to talk like that has been something ive had to adopt from dealing with cis dudes. fun#some transfems i want to grab by the shoulders and shake and be like 'DO YOU KNOW YOU'RE BEING TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF'#with a desperate plea in my gaze#'I WANT TO PROTECT YOU BUT I ALSO KNOW PPL HAVE TO LEARN SOME SOCIAL SHIT ON THEIR OWN BUT BY GOD ARE THERE#SOME THINGS I REALLY DO NOT WANT YOU TO HAVE TO FUCKING LEARN ABOUT THAT I HAVE NO CONTROL OVER AND#IS UNFORTUNATELY LIKELY TO HAPPEN TO ANY WOMAN'#why am i becoming a parent. i need to stop. problem is i care too much about people in spite of what ppl might think .-.#i worry so much thats why i yell at ppl online bc i dont want them to get hurt or do something to fuck themselves over idk.#i just... dont express it the best way. like a gym coach or something đ€Š#i really am Dad Vibes now huh. how do i stop myself from becoming a dad. i dont even have kids.#well. i have a cat. the eternal rebellious teen. but still#i need to stop expressing my care and fear through anger. its not great. ppl misinterpret me too much w it. but im not mommy enough to#sugarcoat things and coddle people if i feel like thats whats happening. so idk.#i realize this might sound patronizing and im not trying to be at all. to transfems with more experience this is like 'duh' to them probabl#but I'm more talking to the young transfems I see online who seem like they dont go out much and i dont blame them at all for it#its fucking scary out here. especially as a woman. esp as someone alt righters fetishize. and im sorry.
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whining hours . sry
#like idk i try to like. imagine a future where i have like. friends. you know. Bare mimimum i have People i talk to. who arent lamp. and i#just cant imagine it happening again#like. i genuinely feel like i cant connect to ppl anymore and idk how id like. i dont see a way for me to do that ever again since i cant g#to school and like. sny job im able to get wouldnt be the kind where i like. meet people or make friends. and last year when i eent out wit#the express purpose of Making friends i literally couldnt. speak to anyone. like i just sat alone with my headphones on until it was time t#go home ... i dont know how to like. initiate casual conversation#+ like. i worry i get way too invested in any potential friendships bc i want so badly to be Normal and have friends and then i freak out#rly badly over something trivial. and thats entirely my fault like I need to work on not letting my freakouts effect the person im freaking#out abt. yk. like its my stupid brain that just gets rly rly overly defensive and weird abt everything its not like. I need to work on that#and thats another reason i dont knowif ill ever be able to make friends again is bc i genuinely dont trust myself not to get overly attache#way too quickly and then explode or something. idk#i also think maybe im just not meant to have actual lasting relationships with anybody ever. yk. like maybe im not meant to ever have roots#and maybe i just wont ever get to have stability and my life will always be entirely transient. Perhaps thats for the best so that i dont#have t like. lose ppl. and ppl dont have to deal with me#+ if i make bad decisions there r less ppl to care abt it. you know. which is a plus. idk#theres like. some parts of me r like desperate for friends and for love and to just . feel like i exist and Talk to people and like. have#stability. and then the rest r like No this is good bc we cant hurt as many ppl like this and also we dont deserve any of that so this is#for the best. and i just have to sit here like ok ! bc if i seek out friendships that part shuts it all down and if i dont the other part#makes me feel miserable and lonely. like damn i am destined for misery. but whatever. it doesnt rly matter DHRNFJFN im just being whiny#it just feels like i need like. ok this is my abdicating responsibility and is the reason i dont have friends disclaimer. i know that. very#aware. but i like. i need somebody to be the one to reach out to Me bc i like. i cant reach out to ppl like. i cant Try to initiate#conversations . but i think if there was a person who like. initiated conversations w me and started a friendship with me i like. i think#itd help me get used to Having a friend again and then id like. id be better at maintaining it and eventually id be able to pick up th#weight. but Obviously nobody wants to like. put in all that effort for somebody whos incapable of returning the favor possibly ever. yk#i need to just bite the bullet and humiliate myself and reach out even if its embarassing and even if it makes me have to throw up#<- happened one time when i tried to talk to someone new. which is so. oh my god. there r ppl who have avtual fucking issues and then im#just like boohoo i tried to think abt a conversation starter and got so anxious i fucking threw up. GOD. i hateit i hate it i hate it. but#wtvr. ik i cant actually expect that from anybody basically like. ik its a stupid wish. idk. i just wish i had somebody who could help me#like. remember how to mask and how to socialize Like a real person. and wouldnt mind that im like. weird right now. and would be willing to#talk to me until i got normal and stuff. wtvr. idk ... 10000 lashings
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okay just coming back here to sadpost because iâm needing to rant about feelings
#i feel like iâm annoying literally everyone i talk to about my feelings#including my own therapist#but i genuinely have a feeling im going to die from my surgery#i know itâs likely just a trauma response because the first experience i had with surgery was when i was like 4 and my great grandpa died#he died on the table too so like. what if that happens to me#i also feel like my best friend is sick of hearing about my anxiety and sick of dealing with it all which fucking hurts#theyâve been incredibly distant and when i talked about it this morning they started responding with a word or two only#like i get it. these feelings are a lot. i know that all too well#i might just be projecting but itâs hard to not notice the difference in responses#yesterday and today they havenât responded as often or as quick as they usually do#and these past few days iâve been an absolute mess#i wish theyâd just. express how theyâre feeling about this all#if theyâre overwhelmed i wanna know!!!! i can vent to someone else about it!!!!!#i think i may just. stop#which i know is Not Healthy#but im doing the best i can right now and sometimes itâs not a healthy coping mechanism#anyway i just. hope things get better soon. i hope i feel better and less alone and isolated#with my other best friend being out of the country itâs just. too much#this is when i need support the most and with my best friend seeming annoyed and all of my other friends pulling back i just feel so alone#anyway im crying on the toilet and thatâs embarrassing#im sorry if you read all this#(phoebe if youâre reading this youâre not making me feel unsupported)#(if anything youâre my biggest support)
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I honestly wish people cared more about depression and other issues rather than saying they care but scrutinise a person so horribly when they show symptoms associated with said condition đ§ââïž
#everyoneâs so horrible about it#if you donât know what something means you research#I research when my friend says they have an illness or a particular sexuality I may not know about#or just to understand and help out because thatâs what friends do right ?#so research if someone tells you they have a condition and learn the symptoms#donât like it ? leave.#but donât stick around if youâre not in the slightest tolerant to any speck of symptom they may exhibit#whoever does this is a horrible person#because you signed up for this so you deal with it. itâs so mean to punish someone for something they canât control#because ppl arenât nearly as kind to people who are normal as they are to mentally ill people#arenât nearly as mean to normal ppl*#yeah sure they still have to control themselves etc but you never say this to normal people#youâre never so harsh to normal people if anything those with mental illness need more kindness and understanding and everyone blows it#how are you gonna sit there with full conviction saying I have depression and anxiety ( I have way more than that but okay )#yet blame me when I canât commit to my work or blame me for being âlazyâ I think as a perfectionist and star student I beat myself up over#that already so why would you hurt me more#alternatively this applies to ppl who get mad at others asking reassurance#im gonna rip my hair out for that why literally why would you have a problem#itâs always communicate this communicate that but in fact everyoneâs allergic to communication and theyâre not traumatised by it#ZERO EXCUSES BUT SOMEHOW all the excuses for normal people but none for mentally ill ppl#everyoneâs sick. this is what I mean when. I say itâs so aggravating seeing people because theyâre so hopelessly stupid#in the sense they donât have an ounce of compassion and are disgustingly selfish thinking of themselves 24/7 and their feelings when not to#compare but ppl have it worse than your dumb ass paper cut - esque issues đ#oh but all the sympathy to you and none to the âcrazy peopleâ who actually need more compassion than you be so Fr#and if you cope well with your own issues then good 4 u ! but youâre not the standard of the DSM đ€ you also arenât any better#everyone copes differently and expresses things differently dependent on their unique exposures circumstances and view of the world#letâs stop pretending that one view is the right view#this doesnât mean let yourself get abused btw it means using that thing in your head to be reasonable#dora daily
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i feel like not enough ppl are factoring in the cultural clash between laios and shuro and the many micro agressions shuro faced while being in their group. literally the name 'shuro' in itself is one
his name is toshiro đ lets also not forget that he has his own communication issues, in the opposite way that laios does- thats literally a factor in their argument, that his envy for laios's ability to express himself sincerely manifested as part of his distaste for him.
ig all this to say like, was their fight heart wrenching, especially when reading laios as autistic? absolutely. anybody whos ever been in laios's position knows how much it hurts to realize someone you thought was your friend doesnt actually like having you around, especially when they didnt tell you and you had no way of knowing due to not understanding their cues. but im begging yall to step back and see the nuance of this situation cause im gonna be real a lot of you are kinda just brushing over it acting like everything is toshiros fault and that hes a terrible person when in reality hes an average guy who really, really clashed with laios and it led to a very long misunderstanding due to their supremely opposite methods of communication. even laios and toshiro, after letting everything out in their fight, were able to come to an understanding and start a foundation for an actual friendship built on better communication
ok yknow what Edit: i shouldve made it even more explicit at the end of this post, i hadnt thought i would need to since i started the post with this, but i think a few too many people are missing my point so i just wanna clarify. i shouldnt have said 'really clashed' and left it at that because yeah they did, but it wasnt just their opposite methods of communication, it is also very much that toshiro was experiencing microaggressions via laios. it may have been unintentional on laios's part, but it still happened and wore him down, made it harder for him to communicate on top of both the more subtle social cues that he was raised with and his own communication difficulties. i also want to say that the fandom reaction to toshiro and the complete ignorance of this point is also racist tbh or at the very least ignorant. i understand that the anime did not cover this panel, and neither did the manga, as this was an omake, but im gonna be real with you guys. there are enough context clues within the story to clue you into this. if you didnt pick up on it thats ok, but i think this is a good lesson in picking up subtext in the stories that youre watching and/or reading. kui shouldnt have to explicitly say 'by the way laios was racist to toshiro' for this point to be understood, and at the very least, when the author portrays a character in a sympathetic light (as kui clearly does) it should make you question Why they are doing so and what makes them sympathetic, rather than youre immediate and only reaction to be 'well i hated what this guy did/said so i hate them and they suck'. idk exactly how to finish this, just. idk. question your biases and gut reactions to things you see in media and stories, and think about whether or not theres subtext that youre missing.
#dunmeshi#dungeon meshi#shuro dungeon meshi#delicious in dungeon#toshiro nakamoto#dont get me wrong i understand relating to a character and hating whoever wrongs them cause youre protective or you relate really hard#but i think toshiros been getting the short end of the stick for a long time now đ#even his love for falin is misunderstood#he literally states all the reasons he likes her#and none of them are superficial#but hes so closed off and has such difficulty expressing himself that instead of asking her out or smth he just#proposed to her out of the blue đ#leading a lot of ppl to just assume that he went 'white woman spotted' and proposed#do Not misunderstand me i am#a HUGE farcille stan#obviously#but i dont think toshiros feelings are surface level and i think theyre absolutely crucial to understanding him and his motivations#as a character in this story
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hii!! I saw you write for homicipher so i was wondering if you could write some dark/yandere sfw & nsfw headcanons for mr scarletella đ„č thank you so much & take ur time!!
MR. SCARLETELLA HC {N/SFW}
a Mr. Scarletella {homicipher} x reader n/sfw hc list.
{thank you for your support and nice words! :3}
warnings! : stalking, non-con, dub-con, hardcore, marking, slight gore, rough sex, violence, rough fingering, biting, cunnilingus, blowjobs, smut, murder mention, somno
{an : i didnt quite get what you meant when you said "dark" so hopefully this is what you meant. this is really hardcore. to the soft hearted people and people who cant handle ACTUAL freaky stuff, i wouldnt recommend reading this. there is a small section underneath the regular nsfw hc with a cw on it, so if you cant handle certain topics, there is still an nsfw section without it. he is my favorite character from homicipher ommggg hes so hot. id give him my name HAPPILY.}
SFW HC
sfw relationship/meeting him hcs
when you first meet him alone, he is very unexpected. his presence and constant facial expression is unnerving to say the least, but as long as you can manage that you will be fine.
if you end up "accepting" him, the relationship would be very weird.
he would be a wonderful partner despite the obvious other reasons, but dont think he wont be watching you constantly.
he will bring you daily gifts, consisting of anything he can find that he thinks you will like.
as for touch, he will let you touch him. usually he wouldnt let anyone even accidentally touch him, as he would teleport away, but one you are in a relationship with him, most boundaries he had before are gone.
he is rather fond of holding you. whether that be in his coat {for some reason} or just in general.
in Japanese culture {from my research, i am NOT Japanese!!} holding an umbrella with someone is a sign of love and acceptance. therefore he always likes you to hold it with him.
he isnt one of those "down-lo" kind of people. he makes it known everywhere that you are his.
he will do whatever it takes to please you. you are literally his princess/prince. even if that includes killing someone {he does it anyways}
if he catches anyone staring at you, or even remotely close to you, he will either teleport you away {if you are friends with the person} or kill them on the spot.
no matter how much he seems to be emotionless, anything involving you in pain or discomfort, it will flip a switch in him.
he has to be near you always. whether you know it or not, he will be there.
he hasnt quite grasped the concept of kissing or "romantic" things, but whatever you do he goes along with it. he rather enjoys hand holding or pressing his face into your neck.
he is the delulu type {this whole fandom knows it} and anything you do he will take as flirting. dont deny it though, hes too obsessed to care
he has a big thing for the height difference. he is a little over 8 feet tall, and feels a need to protect you at any cost.
any cost.
NSFW HC
what its like to have sex with him.
starting off, this man is a BEAST during sex.
he is a quick learner, and whether he is using his hands, mouth, or any part of his body, he will find those spots that makes you squirm.
one of his favorite things is you riding his thigh in public. say he was talking with Mr. Silvair, and happened to be sitting down. he would want you on his thigh "discreetly" getting off. bonus points if you cum.
he wouldnt be opposed to a threesome, but he has to trust the other person. a rare occasion.
anything you want to do, he will immediately comply. need him to go down on you? hes on his knees. even in public. need his fingers inside of you? absolutely. need his dick? against the wall you go.
he has a big dick, and luckily he knows it. he wont force everything inside at first, but eventually he will. you can take it. he thinks
he loves your body, and he makes sure you know it. even in his strange language, you can understand the things he is saying because he is touching you while he is doing it.
he makes little to no noise during sex, but not because he isnt enjoying it. he LOVES sex with you, but he prefers to listen to your noises. he would have it on repeat if he could.
you could look like anything and he would still find you to be the most attractive person on earth {or his earth, whatever}
for afab, he isnt one of those guys who has a hard time finding your clit. in fact, he doesnt even have to look. immediately his fingers will be circling that little nub that he loves so much.
he is a very dominating person, but it probably wouldnt be hard for him to let you dominate him. i say let because in no situation do you actually have control.
his fingering sessions are borderline violent, the pads of his fingers hitting that perfect spot with every curl.
cw! its about to get very dark and possibly triggering! viewer discretion is advised!
if you are one of those people who get off on your man killing for you, then he is the man. he will torture people in front of you as you touch yourself.
his sex isnt even borderline violent, it IS violent. if hes angry especially, he doesnt care if he hurts you.
afab, he will bruise your cervix and make you bleed. his tip hits so hard with his brutal thrusts that you will.
on certain occasions, {tw!!!} he will force himself on you. while it is rare, r...pe can happen, so be careful and dont piss him off.
he doesnt need sleep, so if hes horny enough then he will fuck you while you're sleeping. if you explicitly ask him not to, then he will just jerk himself off over your sleeping form.
dont expect to walk away from a rough fucking WITHOUT marks all over you. he makes it a mission to bite, claw, tear, any part he can. he wants you covered in blood, it gets him off faster.
will probably brand you with something
if you have a trauma kink he WILL use it to his advantage.
thats all bye bye!!! :3
{ made by @whokilledsamara }
#smut#afab reader#amab reader#mr. scarletella x you#mr. scarletella x y/n#mr. scarletella#cnc somno#mr. scarletella x reader#homicipher#homicipher x reader#dead dove do not eat
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#personal rant in tags#(because I NEED to get shit off my chest and I might as well put it here)#I HATE. /HATE/. how much stock we (as a society) put into how people look#I hate that there's bias in EVERYTHING toward people who naturally seem closer to some arbitrary standard of attractiveness#I hate how people are judged by their bodies and literally not anything else#I hate that I'm expected to completely overhaul my appearance and keep doing that day after day after day to be seen as worthy of#respect and support. I hate how many times I've been interested in someone only for people around me to say 'oh but they're not#hot why do you like them?' I hate how the only time someone has ever outright expressed interest in me is when I looked like someone else#I hate how I'm not the only person who has experienced this that I know SO many instances of this#AM I NOT WORTHY OF RESPECT JUST BY VIRTUE OF BEING A HUMAN? ARE WE NOT ALL DESERVING OF LOVE AND SUPPORT BECAUSE WE ARE ALIVE???#GENUINELY I DO NOT UNDERSTAND. YOUR OUTWARD APPEARANCE HAS /NOTHING/ TO DO WITH WHO YOU ARE AS A PERSON#IT DOESN'T INDICATE ANYTHING ABOUT HOW KIND OR UNDERSTANDING YOU ARE. WHAT YOUR INTERESTS ARE. WHAT YOU VALUE. HOW YOU SPEND YOUR TIME.#like...obviously I'm not perfect and I've still gotta de-internalize some stuff too!#but sometimes it feels like everyone is just so SHALLOW and JESUS fucking CHRIST am I /TIRED/#I have never been '''pretty''' I will never BE '''pretty''' WHY DOES THAT BOTHER PEOPLE SO MUCH???!!#like genuinely just. it's one of the (many) things that has driven a wedge between me and my mom. it's made dating almost impossible.#it made a career in stage acting so much harder than it already was. truly it has put me at some sort of disconnect with a lot of humanity#AND I'M SORRY BUT THAT IS SO FUCKING /STUPID/ IT SHOULDN'T BE LIKE THIS WHY AM I BEING JUDGED ON THESE GROUNDS#*sigh* this was another reason why letting go of Herâą was so hard tbh. she didn't care what anyone looked like not even me#she made me feel beautiful because she genuinely liked who I was as a person. the one time I had this and look where we ended up lmao#...god this not-relationship really fucked me up didn't it sometimes I forget how much everything hurt me and how far back I set myself#because of it#ANYWAY we're probably not gonna sleep tonight :)#In the Vents
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