#literally everyone i talk to about it is like *shocked* ive been single for pretty much my entire life | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

philipkindreddickhead · 4 years ago

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I often seen critiques of make up from an existential/philosophical perspective, but I rarely see criticism of cosmetics from a stand point of the very physical bodily harm it does. I think this is because the number of dangerous ingredients is so massive, and overlapping its an absolutely daunting task. So I've compiled the information I've found and bear with me its a lot. (This is from an American perspective. Sorry, thats what I know. However I would love it if people from other countries had things to add.)

First I want to get the "simple" stuff out of the way. I think almost everyone has heard about bacteria and fungi in makeup and that makeup causes acne from clogging pores. Makeup has a pretty strict shelf life, yet consumers are entirely supposed to self-police as Ive never seen a single expiration date on any cosmetic packaging. (I guess consumers are meant to pull this knowledge out of the ether or something. I only found out about it in a tumblr PSA. I did read that expirys are on products in Europe.) Beauty blenders are the worst offender because theyre almost always moist. When I was taught makeup I was told to wet my sponge so it would soak up less product. If you apply makeup daily your sponge is likely constantly damp. USA Today had an article which said that 96% of sponges had fungi and over 60% had E. Coli in them. But I think what people talk about less is the complication of problems from using other products in conjunction with dirty beauty blenders. USA Today warns its especially dangerous to use beauty blenders if you have damage to your skin like acne, cuts, or dry skin. However the most popular beauty products for washing your face contain walnut pieces for literally scrubbing your skin and creating microabrasions. If youre a frequent makeup user you probably know about the cyclical nature of applying foundation, breaking out, and then applying more foundation to cover the breakout. You may even be using scrubbing cleansers more frequently to combat the acne creating more tears. This can lead to "blood poisoning" and, though neither USA today or Forbes mentions this, blood poisoning (not a medical term btw. Its sepsis.) according to numerous medical sites has the potential to be extremely lethal. The symptoms are so similar to a regular flu its nearly impossible to self-diagnose.

The very first thing I was told when a friend handed me a jar of finishing powder- popular with many beauty gurus for the "baking" technique and considered a must have- was a joke about "clown lung." This was a reference to the main ingredient talc. Talc causes lung problems including cancer and respiratory illness. If anyone remembers the large Johnson and Johnson lawsuit from 2019 it was because theyd been putting talc into baby powder. Talc is dangerous because it's impossible to mine and seperate from ASBESTOS. Some high-end finishing powders will try to sell you on safe talc-free formulas but all the products I looked into contained mica instead which causes pneumoconiosis, colloquially known as "black lung disease." Like fucking coal miners get. Its not just present in finishing powder either. In my research it turned out that talc/asbestos are also present in many eyeshadows and other powder products. [Googleable, evidenced in J&J lawsuit]

Another industry to examine is nail salons. Toluene, Formaldehyde, Dibutyl Phthalate, and Methacrylate compounds are all dangerous ingredients and present in various salon products. These ingredients cause a range of problems from dizziness, drowsiness, birth defects, slow fetal growth, future intellectual disabilities in the fetus, eye skin and throat irritation, coughing, allergic reactions, asthma-like attacks, short-term memory loss, nausea, dermatitis, cancer, and misscarriage. Some nail products advertise that they are 3-free meaning that toluene, formaldehyde, and DP should be absent but often the labels are found to be completely inaccurate. It should be noted that the risk is mainly to salon workers and not patrons but ask yourself if it is right to place other people at serious risk for your aesthetic. OSHA does make an attempt to mitigate these risks however not once in my years of makeup queen did I see a salon following these directives which include constant air monitoring, half mask respirators with chemical cartridges, gloves, long sleeves, and safety glasses. (And Im not even going to touch issues of human trafficking/slave labour out of nail salons one case of which occured 5 days ago two hours away from me) It should also be noted that formaldehyde can also be found in hair relaxers and hair dyes. [Found articles in Scientific American and NYT]

I also found on the FDAs website that many cosmetics include heavy metals like arsenic, mercury, and lead. (Usually accompainied by a picture of lipstick so I assume that is the product most likely to contain it, however campaign for safe cosmetics lists foundation as containing heavy metals, and The Guardian has an article about skin lighteners from Asia and Africa containing mercury.) The website stated that the amount of these heavy metals in cosmetics is "safe" if used as intended. (and I'm going to come back to the concept of "intended use" later because thats a can of worms too) However, when searching for info on heavy metal safety I found this quote in regards to metals in food:

"Certain metals, such as arsenic, lead and mercury, have no established health benefit, and have been shown to lead to illness, impairment, and in high doses, death. Understanding the risk that harmful metals pose in our food supply is complicated by the fact that no single food source accounts for most people’s exposure to metals in foods. People’s exposure comes from many different foods containing these metals. Combining all of the foods we eat, even low levels of harmful metals from individual food sources, can sometimes add up to a level of concern"

So like, which is it? Is it a "safe amount" or is no amount of metal safe? I understand that in the case of certain foods like fish some amount of mercury poisoning is always expected but fish is also something you feed yourself and nourish your body with while cosmetics are completely unecessary to your survival. The mercury problem in fish is also mitigated by health warnings when mercury levels are particularly high but cosmetics have no such warning. Another warning on the site indicated that children should ingest NO amount of lead AT ALL because it is particularly harmful for kids yet theres no effort to stop children from using lead-containing cosmetics. I worked next to a Five Below where I was shocked to find they sold Jeffree Star and Anastasia eyeshadow dupes for five dollars which amounts to fucking pocket change for a lot of kids and kids do buy that stuff. I also think its ironic the FDA would have anything to say regarding cosmetics because in the very same article about heavy metals in cosmetics the FDA says that they DO NOT REGULATE cosmetics beyond the color additives.

Mascara, eyeliner, lipstick, and brow tint often contain carbon black. This is a color additive that is an incomplete combustion of carbon-based products. It can cause lung disease, cancer, and organ system toxicity, and eye, nose, throat irritation. The effects are mainly studied in rats and those at biggest risk are industrial workers but why do other workers have to endure lung problems for something so unecessary? [Easily googleable, NIH, CDC, WHO Europe]

This next bit I only want to mention briefly because I didnt find any particularly reputable sources about it, but its a claim that cropped up repeatedly and I think its an interesting one. Parabens, estrogen, phthalates (again), and pesticides in cosmetics are apparently linked to endocrine disorders and hormone dysregulation. Im not entirely sure what is meant by this accusation. Endocrine disorders include female diseases like PCOS and possibly endometriosis. None of these diseases is very well studied and the female endocrine system itself is not well studied either. Im not saying "cosmetics cause PCOS" because we dont know if PCOS or these other endocrine/hormonal disorders are genetic or environmental or both (it appears that PCOS is largely genetic and Endometriosis is likely autoimmune related) AND we dont appear to know for sure that cosmetic ingredients cause endocrine disorder. But I include anyway for a number of reasons:

If you happen to struggle with hormonal problems you may want to know cosmetics is a potential environment factor.

These conditions are incredibly painful. It will be a battle getting your doctor to even acknowledge that pain for diagnosis. PCOS is linked to diabetes, and heart disease. [Thanks @mother-of-pearl ] There is no cure and the treatments are often throwing hormonal birth control at it and hoping for the best.

I dont anticipate the link between cosmetics and endocrine disorders being studied any time soon or any endocrine disorders studied at all because the medical/scientific field is sexist. I dont want women to suffer in the mean time.

Now again, take this with a grain of salt because I couldnt find scientific or news sources for it. Dont fucking come for me. Im not gonna respond to you. [Most reputable source was a paper from the library of medicine at the national institutes of health but it was behind a paywall and I dont have 39 dollars to be right on tumblrdotcom]

Avoiding these ingredients is not as simple as scanning the label for them. As many beautubers and the community are no doubt aware considering multiple scandals over veganism. Products advertised as vegan or cruelty free but contain non-vegan carmine or are sold in China which legally requires the products to be animal tested. Cosmetic companies will hide ingredients claiming they are "trade secrets" or they will be placed under "fragrance." Many ingredients will be known by six or seven different names and asking consumers to be aware of seven different names for multiple ingredients requires consumers to be aware of innumerable different, often complicated ingredient names. I shouldnt have to point out that's a ridiculous burden to place on women. The EU banned 1,300 hazardous ingredients that the US did not. Cosmetic companies rely on women being unwilling/unable to bring in a list of 1,300 ingredients- with multiple names- every time they pop in to the drug store, sephora, or wherever. Buying "natural" products will not help you either. Theres no established criteria for natural/organic in costmetics, the FDA doesnt test these products, and "natural"=/= safe anyway. Plenty of plants and minerals are poisonous. One good example is traditional kohl products which advertise their natural status but also naturally contain lead and reiterating that natural powders contain mica. US courts are rarely on the side of consumers either. I found an interesting lawsuit against St. Ives for their apricot scrub taken to court for their "dermatologist tested" label despite it causing breakouts and cuts to the skin. The courts ruled that this label was fine because it only indicated that the product was TESTED not APPROVED by dermatologists. However I think any rational consumer would look at this label and assume the tests concluded it was safe for use or else why put the label on there?

[Googlable XMONDO drama, googlable laws wrt china and eu, already stated about FDA, FDA website about Kohl. Googled St. Ives lawsuit.]

I want to return to the idea of "intended use." This is sort of a fucky concept a lot of companies have ways of getting around. My "last straw" with makeup had to do with a run-in I had with Anastasia over their "Riviera" eyeshadow palette. In this pallette they had two colors that were the real feature of the palette, an electric neon purple and a radioactive pink I mean every photo, every promotion has these two colors swirled together around the eye. Because again, its an eyeshadow palette. When I buy the eyeshadow palette of course there's a little insert warning in the package that says these two shades are not intended on the eye area. In an eyeshadow palette. Contacting their customer service they told me that these two shades were meant to be used as a blush. neon purple blush. Not only that, but their website and instagram featured NO models wearing the shades as blush while EVERY model one or more of the shades as eyeshadow. When asked about this discrepancy ABH stopped responding. What I find egregious about this is the amount of people who dont know, and then more staggeringly; dont care. The sephora clerks didnt know, the in store abh representative didnt know, their customers didnt know, and when I told them they would respond with "oh, [brand] did the same thing with their [shade]." Sure enough, when I demanded that store clerks open the packaging to look for warnings nearly every product had an "eyeshadow" that was not intended for use on the eyes. Relegating dark, red-toned teal to "contour" and neon grean to "highlighter" US-based cosmetic junkies will say that these pigments have been approved for use by the EU however I found absolutely NO evidence of that. I googled it a thousand ways but all I ever found were blog posts, reddit comments, and one quote from an apparently nonEuropean layman in an Insider article. I even changed my location to France on ABH's website and the Norvina palette still contains the same warnings (not to harp on ABH in particular. I just know which shades in particular are the problem there). The Insider article noted that brands who were selling pressed pigments declined to comment. If the pressed pigments were EU friendly, I would think companies would be clamouring to say so. It also still makes their market as eyeshadow colors illegal in the US. (If any Europeans would like to chime in I'd love that.) Another problem I find with cosmetics companies and their reps is the claim that the worst thing that could happen is eye irritation for those with sensitive eyes and staining. How could they possibly know? The FDA doesnt test, or approve these cosmetics in the eye area, so ostensibly no one should be using it that way.

The next one is a bit of a "duh" but I'm going to talk about it anyway. Counterfeit cosmetics are a booming market full of untold dangers. Untold primarily because these products could contain literally anything. Ive read about glue, arsenic, lead, feces, staph, and horse urine to name a few. The labels and ingredient list on these products are fake. Legitimate brands often unintentionally play into the counterfeit market. They create artificial scarcity by making less of the product than is actually needed for consumer demand to create an even higher demand. If consumers miss out often their only chance at getting the product is to turn to counterfeits. I found examples of women who had their lips superglued, lips "turned to goo" and burned to blistering, throat closures, women with stys, contact dermatitis, eye infections. I think we as a society turn a blind eye to this problem because we think "hey, if youre buying counterfeits for a discount and you get hurt you deserve it." We imagine idiots buying products for 4 dollars from ebay or perusing Canal street for FEИTY beauty. But these counterfeits can be really convincing. I myself received a gift of a huda palette that I only recognized something was weird about it because I'd swatched it at sephora about five times earlier that month. The person who bought it for me actually paid MORE than the usual cost for the palette because it was advertised as a newer, better edition. The websites can be disturbingly similar. For instance Kylie Jenner's legitimate website is KylieCosmetics.com but you can find fakes at kyliecosmeticsshop.co.uk. These fakes can buy ad space and be one of the first sites that populate when you google the products instead of typing the legitimate site into the address bar. Counterfeits can also be bought and sold through third parties on websites like ebay, wish, and amazon. (My gift actually came from Amazon.)

[Netflix doc "Broken" ep "Makeup Mayhem" Corroborated by personal experience and google]

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biomecharnotaurus · 3 years ago

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I'M ASKING YOU ABOUT HALO I've been meaning to get into it but I've only played Reach so far and that one doesn't even have master chief in it. Tell me about the specific, in-depth lore or tell me why I shouldn't play it.

Pik

PIK

WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!!!

THIS IS LONG, LONGGGGGG

So, you know the modern Doom lore, right? MAKE IT 700 TIMES MORE COMPLEX AND EVERY SINGLE SIDE CHARACTER HAS AT LEAST AN ESSAY WORTHY OF BACKSTORY. AND EVERYTHING IS DARK AS SHIT. HAPPINESS IS MOMENTARY, THERE IS NOT 1 (ONE) HAPPY CHARACTER WITH A HAPPY ENDING.

Like, I can't fit all of the infos I have about these characters in 50 different posts, AND I DON'T EVEN KNOW ALL OF THEM!! HELP!!

I'll just explain some of the main things about the first games because REALLY IT'S A MESS.

So, there are extremely religious alien group called the Covenant, they used to worship the Forerunners (MORE ALIENS) that were killed during the war against the Flood and they fucking hate humans SO THE COVENANT AND THE HUMANS HAVE A FUCKING VIOLENT INTERSTELLAR WAR.

They really like Halos, which are funny WEAPONS OF DEATH AND DESCRUTION FROM ANCIENT ELDRITCH ALIEN TECHNOLOGY, THEY HAVE THEIR OWN ECOSYSTEMS ON THEIR SURFACES TOO LIKE EARTH but they are machines and if activated they fucking ANNIHILATE THE WHOLE GALAXY. They were made to study the Flood but THEY ARE TOO FUCKING DANGEROUS.

The Flood are pretty much if mushrooms evolved in to lovecraftian horrors and they are tiny lil parts of a fucking massive worm god thing called the Gravemind, THAT IS MADE OUT OF CORPSES AND MINDS OF THE INFECTED FUCKERS! Once they infect somebody their mind becomes part of the entity and they become a fucking hideous zombie, so this bitch ass worm mf is pretty much diet omnipotent.

Now, the funny space marines in power armor like Master Chief are called spartans.

There are 4 generations of spartans:

Spartans I

WE DON'T EVEN KNOW IF THEY WERE ACTUALLY A THING. Sgt Johnson is TECHNICALLY one. Maybe.

Spartans II

You probably know Jorge 052 if you played Halo Reach! Massive guy, yellow armor, big guns, him. He is a spartan II. So is John 117, Master Chief!!!

So, how do you become a spartan II? YOU AREN'T THE ONE WHO DECIDES, SPARTANS II ARE SELECTED CHILDREN THAT GET KIDNAPPED BY THE ABSOLUTELY NOT EVIL MILITARY AND VIOLENTLY TRAINED IN TO WAR MACHINES. Literally war machines, because do you know what they do to those children? FUCKING BIOMECHANICAL AUGMENTATIONS TO MAKE THEM SUPER FUCKING STRONG AND OTHER FUCKING NOT VERY NORMAL HUMAN SHIT. SCI-FI STEROIDS. NOT EVEN ALL OF THEM SURVIVE THE SURGERIES, THEY RARELY DO. They also don't remember shit about their past pre-kidnapping life and even if they become adults, they still have the mind of an incredibly traumatized child with too much knowledge about war. Their brain cortex is also connected to their armors...there is more but pretty much ye

Spartans III

All of the other spartans from Halo Reach are spartans III! Exact same kidnapping-training-augmentations as the spartans II, EXPECT THE KIDNAPPED CHILDREN AREN'T EVEN SELECTED, THEY ARE RANDOM ORPHANS FROM RANDOM DYING COLONIES. Some of them turn out okay, some others kill themselves, some other are fucking sociopaths that hate humanity and everyone because of what they did to them! Fantastic!

Spartans IV

More recent Halo games! Halo Wars! The spartans you play as in the online of Halo Infinite!

Same augmentations as the other spartans, expect no more kidnapped children, these are all adults that were willing to join, ex ODSTs (I'll talk about them in a minute) and ex very-good-high-ranking standard UNSC marines! A lot of them have prosthetics, because of their past war experiences.

Talking about

ODSTs

(Orbital Drop Shock Troopers) aren't spartans, they were what came before the spartan program was made. They are uh..."fancy" standard marines? They are extremely well trained, but they aren't biomechanical like spartans. Their gear is pretty much slightly better than the standard marine one and it's resistant to...well...getting thrown from a spaceship inside of a pod in war and then having to fight to death thousands of aliens.

Now, ODSTs are treated like shit. Literally, to test out John's augmentations they made a couple of ODSTs fight this poor child that didn't even understand how strong he was, and well...they all got killed. Brutally. John wasn't exactly proud of what he did.

OKAY THERE IS A LOT MORE, A LOT, BUT. REALLY. I SUGGEST PLAYING THE GAMES.

Take in mind most of the Halo lore is in the books tho, of course the games have lore but it's nothing in comparison to all the stuff from the novels! There is also A LOT of alien lore with various species, I think you would like the sangheili, for example

#halo #ask #pikkish #truly sorry LMAO

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heyitsyn · 4 years ago

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'Siri Am I Having a Stroke?’ Sofia the First

Soulmate!Daichi x Reader Soulmate!Tendou x Reader

a/n: lmao, yall finna know what kind of soulmate au this

when your soulmate gets hurt, you kinda get hurt too

the music your soulmate listens to or constantly sings is always playing in your head

request: Can I request a daichi, tendou, and aone soulmate au headcanon 🤲🏽😩 they're my faves, I wanted to add some more but there could be a limit? I'll request again next time ^^

a/n: sorry anon but ill only do daichi and tendou bc im not very familiar with aone :( but theres not really a limit so go ahead!!

requests open!!

so anyways

for most of your life, you thought you didnt even have a soulmate

there were no scars, no bruises,

nothing

this other half of yours was completely silent and you really thought that youd die forever

but, you

you were a wild chile and you were the type to go playing outside w your brothers and get a lot of cuts

maybe that was why you thought you didnt have a soulmate bc when your soulmate does get hurt, you wouldnt see it since youd think it was one of your own

now, daichi

he worried for you

new scars and bruises would appear on his arms overnight and he fussed over the fact that you would constantly getting hurt

were you in a toxic environment?

were these intentional?

but he would try and heal them, thinking that it would heal you too bc he didnt want you to be hurt

uwu daichi luv

he would even kiss them better bc his mom told him that kisses help them heal faster

then,

during middle school, daichi found his love for volleyball

he started training and being more active and that caused him a lot of bruises and pain

meanwhile w you,

youve mellowed out a bit

so when you entered middle school,

you were actually ecstatic to find that you had a soulmate bc you would find bruises on your hands and arms

you found out the afternoon of the first day of middle school

daichi was in the gym, practicing during lunch, and he hit a spike that bruised his fingers and he received a really powerful ball

you were sitting in class, completely bored out of your mind so you just doodled on your paper

then you flinched at the sudden pain and saw the formation of the beautiful mix of blue, purple,green, bruise

yall are in different schools btw

you shrieked and stood up, cutting off your teacher and surprising everyone in the room

‘my soulmate!’

they were like, ‘okay and?’

the entire day, you admired the colors, not even minding the hurt bc this was it!!

!!!!

your soulmate was real!!!

but daichi was worried that you were also going through the same pain and soreness from practice

and you were

after the shock and happiness of knowing you in fact do have a soulmate,

youve started getting annoyed

was this what he felt whenever you injured yourself during your younger years?

bc this waas annoying

you were constantly fatigued, tired, sore

even the mere action of getting up in the morning sucked and you actually fell down the stairs due to the soreness of your legs and you dropped your chopsticks due to the hurt in your fingers

youve concluded that your soulmate was either an athlete or in a toxic environment

during the walk to school, you raised your arms and watched a new bruise forming

it was a truly beautiful sight but the stiffness and hurt weighed it down

this was your only form of communication with your soulmate and you were sad bc you wanted to be there for him and help heal his bruises and scars

one of your friends suggested a crazy thought of hurting yourself to write a small message which you instantly turned down bc thats too crazy and you will not do that

as the years went on, you were starting to get more worried each day that you wont be meeting your soulmate soon

for almost 6 years, youve wandered over to every athletic club in your school or nearby schools to find if there was even a person who had the same bruises as you

ngl, some lied just bc they wanted you as their soulmate uwu

one of your classmates in seijoh, iwaizumi hajime, has understood your dilemma since he was one of the ones youve expressed this concern to

youve been classmates for 3 years and youve always been coincidentally sat next to each other so youre close

i really cant resist my mans

‘y/n, i really think your soulmate is a volleyball player’

you rolled your eyes as you continued taking out your bento

‘iwa, ive checked your team, multiple times, and none of them are my soulmate! ive even checked other schools too since my brothers have connections there. but still nothing’

he felt bad for you, truly

he already found his when yall started high school, almost immediately, and you were so jealous

‘but those bruises on your arm can only be from volleyball. the way its placed, its like receiving an intense ball while the fingers might be because he spikes the ball’

you sighed before leaning your chin on your hand

‘okay, great buddha iwa-chan. enlighten me as to why you think so’

his eye twitched at the ridiculous nickname

‘y/n, im a volleyball player. ive been playing since i was like 6 and im the ace. i have those same exact bruises’

‘WHAT! IWA-CHAN ARE YOU MY SOULMATE?!’

‘YOU IDIOT I ALREADY HAVE MINE!’

but you mulled it over for a few days

yea, it would make sense, right?

but it still doesnt add up that youve literally visited every single club around with the help of being iwa’s friend and going to their matches

however,

due to karasuno not having practice matches w seijoh or not advancing far enough to play against them, youve never really interacted with that team

besides, the times they actually played against each other, youve been busy due to having to do interships, part time jobs, and studying since it was your last year of high school

it was during the second interhigh that iwa finally got you to go watch them play

‘come on, y/n. shittykawa misses you and matsun and maki keep demanding your support’

‘iwa, what-’

so you found yourself at the stands, just watching the games until seijoh actually plays

then you saw the team, known as karasuno, enter the gym to start their warm-ups

your heart started beating really fast and you were kinda freaking out bc what was happening

‘siri am i having a stroke?’

daichi was feeling the same thing

he thought it was just the adrenaline of playing a game but in all of his years of play8ing volleyball, he hasnt felt this intense beating of his heart

he even had to lean on suga for support bc it felt like his heart was going to jump out of his chest

‘daichi, you okay?’

suga worriedly asked and placed a hand on his forehead to check his temp

daisuga rights yall

he didnt want to worry the team so he nodded, just waving it off

he was captain so he shouldnt worry the others

oikawa and iwa entered the stands and were confused as to why you were looking around with wide eyes like an owl

fukurodani vibes

‘y/n-chan, what’s wrong?’

oikawa asked and you looked at them, surprised and shocked

they were lowkey freaked out bc what was happening

‘oikawa-san, my heart-’

you mumbled and pointed to your chest

his smile wobbled bc you just started at him and it was starting to scare him a bit

since oikawa hasnt found his soulmate yet, he wasnt familiar with the feeling of being in the same vicinity as his other half

but iwa did

and he was smiling

‘you owe me so much, y/n’

‘IWA! I FEEL LIKE IM GOING TO DIE!’

karasuno was going against johzenji and daichi wasnt exactly in his best game

to others, he looked like he was doing great but he wasnt feeling good and the beat of his heart was still very fast

this distraction caused him and tanaka to collide and everything went to hell

the entire time, your arms were crying and you were just sweating from the pain but you were also sweating w the possibility of your soulmate being either in johzenji or karasuno

but that was answered when daichi got hurt and you just collapsed, also falling unconscious

iwa, who returned from getting drinks, ran to your slumped form and oikawa, who was focused on the match and didnt notice, shrieked at your unconscious form

‘y/n? y/n, wake up’

everyone in the stands stared at your unconscious form and they started talking, eventually catching the attention of the karasuno team

suga, who was fussing over daichi, heard that a girl also fell unconscious

omg what if

oikawa was grinning at the sight of your bruised cheek bc you finally found your soulmate so you would shut up about it

iwa carried you to the nurse and you actually woke up as he placed you on the bed, conviently beside the karasuno captain

‘w-what-’

but he only smiled

‘congratulations, y/n’

bih what

congratulations for what

the nurse went over from beside daichi and she giggled at the meeting of soulmates

you sat up, wincing at the pain in your tooth

‘ow’

that caught daichi’s attention and he stared at you and your arms before looking at his

they were the exact same

‘i think,,,, i think we’re soulmates’

that made you quickly look at him and noticed the big bruise on his face that was like copy paste on you

‘oh god!’

you cowered and had your hands over your mouth in surprise

he froze, starting to feel insecure that he wasnt what you wanted

‘is something wrong-’

‘you’re HOT!!’

you shrieked unconsciously and when you finally realized it, you hurriedly pulled the blanket over your form

lmao gurl noooooo

daichi started laughing and he thought you were cute

straightforward

but cute

‘oi, come on. i want to see your pretty face’

yes police officer. this is the man who stole my uwus

you peaked your head out from your blanket cocoon and he smiled softly

‘i’m sawamura daichi, by the way. 3rd year’

‘l-l/n y/n. same y-year’

‘so? you expected me to be this?’

you shook your head

‘i mean, iwa told me you could be a volleyball player. but i didnt expect the universe to like me enough to give me a greek god as my soulmate’

im disowning y/n yall

he turned flustered and looked away to hide his blush

‘youre not too bad yourself, you know. youre actually more beautiful than i thought’

‘sir! dont say that to me i be catching feelings way too fast for that!’

i-i cannot w you

he laughed out loud before wincing, causing you to wince too

‘but are you okay, though? i mean,, it must hurt’

but you shook your head

‘i should be asking you that. does it hurt as much as it looks?’

‘nah, its bearable’

you continued talking about your childhood and you actually clarified that you were just rambunctious when you were younger so you got hurt pretty often

‘i really thought you needed to be saved or something’

you smirked

‘oh? my prince charming? knight-in-shining-armor? knight prince daichi?’

he stared at you, a blush creeping up again

‘are you always this bold?’

you shrugged

‘meh. im friends w oikawa tooru’

‘oh. makes sense’

lmao

you both completely forgot about the fact that his face literally got hurt and his tooth was gone bc you have been talking like two best friends who got separated

but you had to separate at some point too

the beautiful manager entered the clinic and asked if daichi was okay enough

‘yea, im fine. i can go now, i guess’

you nodded sadly

‘okay. bye, daichi’

he furrowed his eyebrows

‘but wait for me later, okay? ill treat you to something after i win this match’

from your bed, you crossed your arm with a smug smile

‘oh? youre confident, captain’

‘of course. ill win bc this victory is for you’

you bashfully smiled and chuckled

‘go hurry and win! i expect that date as soon as possible, captain!’

the deadchi memes are literally scaring the new fans and i feel really bad

bruh hes so cute for what

for his entire life, he had the sofia the first song stuck in his head

it was maybe bc his soulmate was in love w that show or just in love w the song

but either way, he constantly hears it and thinks about it

meanwhile you,

you constantly heard bye bye bye by nsync

of all things, it had to be a boy band

however, you were lucky bc for years it varied on what song would be playing

but for him, it continued to be sofia the first

this drived him to watch the show and he did see the appeal and soon, he started singing it too

omg its such a bop

you were triggered bc the song then switched over to sofia the first and you were like, ‘does he like it too?’

you would be going around the store, holding your mom’s hand, and singing it out loud, hoping to find your soulmate

but he never seemed to hear it

instead, hearing the song in your voice, instead of the show’s

he thought you had such a beautiful voice

then in elementary school, his bullying started and ngl, he was actually hurt by the words other kids said

he still had his cute smile on and acted like it didnt bother by teasing others but he was still sad

did nobody like him?

was he always going to look like a monster?

would you be revolted if you saw him?

then he heard this song in the radio ‘dear insecurity’ and he just couldnt help but keep listening to it

ofc you noticed and you were sad that he was listening to such sad song

he was insecure and you couldnt do anything about it

then you started looking up motivating songs and you started singing the one that you really liked

‘i see your monsters, i see your pain, tell me your problems, i’ll chase them away’

he heard your voice as he was hiding behind the school building and his tears instantly stopped, hearing a different song but he couldnt help but smile

he knew that song was for him

you were out there somewhere and a complete stranger to him but you were the only person who seemed to care

because under that teasing and cheerful personality, he was still human and he was very insecure about himself

but you were always there to encourage him, your voice instantly chasing all the fears away

when he started playing volleyball, he became famous for his efficient blocks and you could hear him singing different songs, all of them just under a minute

you concluded that they were his own songs

sometimes, you laughed bc they were funny songs and catchy so you would memorize it and sing it back to him

this was your only way of communicating back of forth and you were so lucky that you even got to hear your soulmate’s voice

then high school started, meaning your friends started meeting their soulmates one by one until you were the only one who didnt

your school, karasuno, had no one that had the same voice as your soulmate’s

some people even saw you as an extrovert and a people person since you started conversations with strangers easily but this was just your way of finding your other half

with no luck, you started singing your concerns

in no time, ‘thousand miles’ was playing on loop in tendou’s head and he was already feeling your antsy attitude

in retaliation, he starts singing ‘lucky’ by jason mraz and you always turned red, slightly happy that he was practically calling out to you

so even though you suffered through years being alone, you didnt give up on hope and continued your search

now, youd be asking, ‘why cant you or tendou just sing each other’s location?’

yes, young grasshopper, there is an explanation to that

you and tendou collectively agreed to let fate do its work and just wait for the time it happens bc if its meant to be, its meant to be

besides, tendou likes to tease you and he wants to make you wait for him so that the moment you do meet, it would become more special

in your last year of high school, you ended up helping kiyoko in being manager and you were so proud of these boys for making it to the finals

you were excitedly waving an orange flag in support of your team and you screamed with the others as they entered the court

you and yacchi ended up helping tanaka’s sister, saeko, and was setting up the plan for their cheers so you werent exactly focused on your soulmate

but tendou did keep hearing a fight song in your head

then they walked in

shiratorizawa made their presence known and you turned to look at them but locked eyes at the unique looking player

his red hair glinted against the bright lights of the gym and his smirk curled in such an attractive way that you were leaning forward to get a closer look

tendou noticed a stare at him and he saw your surprised yet flustered look

that eye contact made everything fall deaf in your ears and you just heard silence

no song, no cheer, just absolute silence

but you and tendou are practically the same so you thought for the worse that your soulmate has died bc of the silence

dread filled your stomach and you started singing sofia the first in instinct

your mouth moved with the words and you shut your eyes, trying to calm yourself down

his jaw dropped, hearing the familiar voice and song that correlated with your mouth’s movements

‘there you are, little birdie’

semi turned to tendou and saw him with a smile hes never seen before

it was so soft and genuine that he got a little scared

the entire game, you were all depressed bc it continued to be silent in your head

tendou was just teasing you a little bit and he didnt want to think or sing a song bc he wanted it to be a special cliche reunion after he crushes your team

but his famous song ruined it

it blared in your head and it got 2x bass boosted when he sang it out loud, completely disregarding the fact that everyone was listening

‘you!’

you shrieked and pointed to him

he was your soulmate

and he was alive

not dead

everyone, including all players, looked at confusion between you and him but he just waved at you

‘ill talk to you later, little birdie!’

great, he embarrassed you in front of everyone

but you didnt care bc omg he was your soulmate!!

‘omg universe and fate, you actually like me to give me such a handsome soulmate!’

now, youre actually cheering on both teams

one was your home school the other was your soulmate

however,

there could only be one winner

and that winner was karasuno

you noticed the defeated looks of your soulmate and his teammates and you almost bursted into tears

you quickly maneuvered yourself through the people and found the familiar spiky hair standing at the doorway, looking at the gym with a forlorn expression

the others noticed you there, especially ushijima who gave you a nod and a small smile

‘i trust you’ll take care of him’

you nodded shakily, raising a hand in salute

‘y-yes!’

you approached him and his teary eyes almost made you bolt into his arms but you calmed yourself

instead, you didnt say anything

but you did sing

‘come stop your crying, it will be alright. just take my hand, and hold it tight. i will protect you, from all around you. i will be here, dont you cry.’

tendou looked to his side and saw you there, not looking at him but also looking at the same direction he was previously

‘my name is tendou satori’

despite already hearing his voice, you still turned red and you looked at him, warmth and love present in your eyes

‘and i’m l/n y/n’

‘you have a beautiful voice’

‘and you are beautiful’

that ending for shiratorizawa physically and emotionally and mentally broke me

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mikkaeus · 3 years ago

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lessons from 1000 hours of tutoring high school kids - a letter to my past self

not all those hours were maths, but this is about maths

Not in order of importance; in the order they came to my head.

1. Do not trust a kid when they say that they understand something. They understand jack shit. Make them explain it back to you.

2. When teaching sth new try to prod them to reaching the conclusion themselves instead of just straight up explaining it, if time permits.

3. Things I have assumed and have been sorely mistaken:

a) If an area is identified to be an issue in the lesson, the kid will go and do some questions and revise themselves to fix it.

b) Kids take notes. (I’m still kicking myself for only realising this more than 6 months in with this kid. I get paid too much to be making stupid mistakes like this.)

c) Kids know how to take notes. (Session 1: Take notes, here is a detailed outline that you can then expand on with examples and stuff. Session 2: The kid has copied my scaffold word for word and not expanded anything on it. Me: You need to actually EXPLAIN how to complete the square for example, not just write “completing the square”. Kid: Okay yeah I get it. Session 3: For each topic he’s googled an explanation and copied entire paragraphs word for word, because he “thought they’d phrase it better than him”. He’s using terminology that I 100% guarantee he does not understand at all. I now understand why high school teachers always said use your own words when making notes - something that I had always thought should be blindingly obvious to everyone.)

4. Not everyone is as obsessed with not making mistakes or not being able to solve problems are you are. (For these kids, being stumped at a difficult question isn’t the end of the world.) They think a question ends at figuring out the answer, whether that be from the help of a textbook, the solutions, their friend, or me. You need to impress upon them that it doesn’t matter what the answer is! It’s about what you learn from the question. How was the way they were thinking about the question incorrect? How can they avoid this in the future? What general advice can they give themselves? And then they need to actually commit to reducing incidences of the same mistake in the future. Some kids I’ve been giving the same damn advice to every problem they get stuck on, and magically they can solve it after I give them the advice. Just remember the general advice!! You’re spending all this time studying but you’re running into the same wall over and over again instead of remembering to take the rope out of your bag. I’m not magic! I’m just sitting here reminding you that there IS a rope in your bag!! (Not that my method of angry scribbling in red pen across my working and writing that I’m a fucking idiot is something I’d actually recommend, but they could definitely afford to be less laissez-faire about learning from their mistakes.)

5. Actually make good notes during the session; otherwise, the kids probably retain nothing. It is kinda awkward to be sitting there writing away but it is a necessarily evil. Also, you can write while they’re chipping away at a question themselves, and that way you don’t need to be watching them like a hawk while they do algebra painfully slowly. (I feel like kids make more mistakes in sessions than they do normally.)

6. The key to being able to solve a problem is believing that you CAN solve the problem. I’ve been saying this a lot recently - if you follow the rules for maths, there’s no reason it should be wrong - when I have Year 11s and 12s asking me every step of simple algebra if something is correct, or asking whether you’re allowed to do something, and I ask them, “what do you think?” and they reply, “I don’t know.” (Related: Another thing I’ve been saying a lot is that algebra is about doing the same thing to both sides. They just think it’s magic!) Anyway, I brought this up because of problem solving questions actually, not basic algebra. Of course, you can teach them how to break down the question, or general processes like “if you don’t have enough information, go back and check you’ve used everything in the question”, but all that’s useless if they don’t believe that they can solve it by themselves. That means

a) You need to actually encourage them. Even though you’re not a... fluffy or particularly inspiring person, just try.

b) YOU need to believe that they can do it too. Think of the number of times you’ve been shocked that some kid managed to make a leap of logic you thought was beyond them. Kids are better than you think (and also worse than you think, but we’ve already talked at length about that).

7. It’s most of the time more beneficial to force the kid to go through the expanded version of the working instead of the abbreviated version. They’re not you, trying to economise as much as possible on working to save precious seconds for rechecking at the end. Don’t push that obsession onto them when their goals and skill level is completely different. Especially if they’re:

a) making silly mistakes

b) not understanding why something works and just following the pattern for a specific context, and then being completely lost in another context. (eg. not being able to use the null factor law for when the factors weren’t linear with a gradient of 1, because they always skipped straight to x= instead of actually writing out each factor equalling zero, and then rearranging).

8. Stop lecturing for too long. Make sure you’re writing stuff down, not only for the purpose of notes for them to look at later, but because not everyone’s good with auditory learning (you’re one of those people! and yet you subject others to the same shit you rant about out length about your professors!). Make them do work through a problem or part of a problem or ask them questions or something.

9. A lot of kids do not know how to study properly. A few important things:

a) Do not automatically look back at past questions when solving a Q. You need to treat every question as completely new, and only look back if you’re stuck. That way you force active recall every question and thus making sure you’re actually remembering what the process is. You don’t get any worked examples in your exam.

b) I do not know how this is every single fucking kid but knowing how to use your dang calculator saves lives!! It’s literally 50% of your grade and you’re sitting there two days before your exam struggling to graph a parabola??? After all the hours you poured into studying the content? Yes your calculators are gross and unfriendly but they’re your best friend. Not only should you know how to use them, you should be fast at using them, and you should know everything it can do that could be remotely helpful.

c) Sit full exam papers under exam conditions. That shit is like gold and kids are piddling it away by just leisurely working through one question at a time with the help of their textbook (and me).

d) Print out the formula sheet, and use it. Know what’s on there and what’s not.

I don’t know if this is a pretty standard experience for people with a track record of excellent academic results* (by this I mean just assuming some things are obvious to everyone) or if I’m particularly bad because I’ve always only interacted with a very narrow range of people. anyway feels fucking bad for my kids but. im trying. god knows ive come a long way since i first started.

*or as I prefer to state it, a track record of being a huge fucking nerd

#writing these reflections always gives me high school ptsd #the visceral fear i got when i didnt know how to solve a question #esp if my friends could solve it since they're all smart as shit #because i *needed* as close to 100% as possible in those exams #sheesh #ramblings

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witharsenicsauce · 5 years ago

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(XCOM) Chosen Stories From the War #2: We’re Not Using the “Zed” Word

For a month, Kon-Mai stayed secluded in the XCOM medical bay, spending most of that month sleeping, in deep meditation, or staring at the ceiling while her thoughts tangled in her mind. Her wounds, despite Malinalli’s assurances, were deep and painful, and often seemed just on the cusp of infection. Her IV contained one dose of antibiotics after another and, when the pain got too bad, the occasional shot of morphine so she could relax enough to sleep.

Seclusion leads to depression. Kon-Mai had never been very social with her brothers before, but being surrounded by the unfamiliar faces of people who kept you at arm's length, it was beginning to wear on her. Tygan was one of the only people who didn’t seem to fear her, but his social skills were lacking to say the least, and thus she didn’t trouble him for conversation.

Her only respite was Malinalli. While often swamped with tending to other injured soldiers, when her nurse could get a moment she would come change her bandages or refill the IV, and then take a bit of extra time away just to talk. She was much more talkative than Kon-Mai would ever be, but even listening to the human girl ramble was a nice reprieve from the solitude.

“I think you need a break.” The girl said to her one morning while changing Kon-Mai’s bandages.

“I have been resting diligently for weeks on end.” Kon-Mai replied. “I am already in the middle of ‘a break’ as you say.”

“I think you need a break from resting.” Malinalli pouted. “You don’t talk to anyone besides me.”

“They do not wish for my companionship.” Kon-Mai tried to sound dismissive. “I am used to being solitary.”

“Is that why you look so sad all the time?”

“I do not look sad, this is just the structure of my face.” Her borther had often commented on her “resting bitch face” and while she hated when he did...she ad to agree. She was no pretty sight.

“Mhm.” Malinalli pulled the new bandages tight and tucked them in. “You’ve gotten most of your strength back, haven't you? If nothing else, your wound looks much better. I don’t even think there’s a risk of dehiscence anymore.”

Kon-Mai was silent. While she’d been out of bed occasionally since the last time, it was only with help from Malinalli and while leaning heavily on a walker, and that was only because her medic insisted that she use her muscles so they didn’t atrophy. There was no other reason: she had no need for food of any kind and, thus, no need for the restroom facilities the other soldiers used. She also had not showered or bathed herself since she arrived, but that was less due to her own genetics and more out of...apathy.

“A bunch of my colleagues usually like to meet in the bar to hang out.” Malinalli kept talking. “I want you to come.”

“I appreciate the offer, but I’ll have to decline.”

“I told them you were coming though.”

“What?” Kon-Mai bared her sharp teeth and growled. Malinalli flinched, but only for a split second. She stood her ground firmly.

“I can’t pick you up and force you to go.” She said, “I mean literally. You’re a lot heavier than me. But, I want you to.”

“I can assure you, your colleagues DO NOT want me to join them.”

“I think you’d be shocked.” Malinalli said. “They’re really excited to put a face to the name. Everyone’s been talking about you.”

“They fear me.”

“Yeah but…” Malinalli shifted on her feet. “How do I put this...you have a bit of a growing...fan club.”

Kon-Mai growled. “Wonderful. As if the pathetic civilian stalkers were not enough, the very enemy wishes for my attention. Would they like me to autograph their plastic swords?” She said in a high, mocking tone.

“They admire you.” Malinalli insisted. “Facing you in battle made a lot of us realize we’re woefully unprepared in melee combat. Goldilocks has been trying to make a training regimen based on your work but without you it’s all guesswork, and I know she’d love to learn from the best-”

“Cease!” Kon-Mai held up her hand. “You prattle like a Sectoid! Who is this ‘Goldilocks’?”

Malinalli seemed to smile knowingly. “I could tell you, but it would be much easier to just...show you.”

Kon-Mai bared her teeth, but it was half-hearted. “...I will need garments.”

“You can borrow mine…wait…”

Kon-Mai raised a brow.

“I guess you can’t. Um...gimme one second!”

Kon-Mai stared at herself in the mirror of the tiny bathroom. She towered over the sink and had to look down in order to see her reflection, but even at that angle she noticed how ragged she looked. The battle had taken more from her than she’d thought it had. Aside from her main, self-inflicted injury, she was dotted with tiny bullet wounds that had bruised as they healed, leaving her peppered with indigo dots.

She reached up behind her head and ran her hand through her...her hair. Her long, white hair. She had not worn it down since...she couldn’t remember when. She remembered being issued her clasps, the tubs with which her hair had hidden behind. She remembered the circlet fitting around her skull, the priests clasping it in place and then drilling-

She ran her fingers along the slight scars along the sides and top of her head: they looked uneven. She supposed the doctors must have removed her circlet? If they’d removed her chip, they must have had to. Now, her white hair breathed again: her eldest brother’s hair was soft and radiant, almost glowing. Hers, in perfect contrast, was knotted, kinky and so very oily from years being neglected, only taken from the tube every few months to be cut down and scrubbed raw. She shook her head, the while curls bouncing around her shoulders, and ran her fingers through it. It only grew from the back of her head and down her neckline to the nape. There already wasn’t much of it, and the way it stuck together made her look as bald as The Hunter. No wonder he wore a hood, it was not a good look on either of them.

Following her scarred hairline, she reached back and felt along the thick scar where her chip used to be. She no longer heard the Elders’ voices, and they could not read her thoughts. To them, she must have been presumed dead. She had expected the emptiness in her mind to be stifling, but for perhaps the first time in her life, she had been sleeping peacefully at night.

Kon-Mai reached into the shower and turned it on. She was the Assassin, and if she was going to present herself to the enemy, it was on her to make sure she looked presentable.

She pulled off her gown and stared at herself, at her scar, running jagged along her belly. Her dagger had cut so deep; so many torn muscles and arteries, so many split tendons, she had nearly felt her soul leave her body when she drove the blade into her ribs. The fact that the Commander not only saved her life, had brought her back to near perfect health…

She was supposed to die there.

That woman was hiding something.

Kon-Mai stepped under the hot water, shivering at the sensation. She didn’t remember this kind of warmth. Her baths had always been cold, and she herself was always...cold.

She hugged herself and just stood there for a moment, feeling the water run over her body.

Then she reached for the shampoo. If she went to all this trouble to take her hair down, she might as well wash it.

She put her hair into a single braid when she stepped out, not wanting to encase it while it was wet. With that, Kon-Mai dried herself off and reached for the clothes Malinalli had brought her.

They were small, of course. That was to be expected, no one here was even close to her size. The pants she was given were more like shorts, stopping just below her knees and hugging her body where Kon-Mai was pretty sure they were supposed to hang loose. The shirt was a flowy dress that on a human would come down to the knees. On her, it almost reached her waist and hugged her lady-lumps a bit more than she would have preferred. It had no sleeves, leaving her arms exposed. She looked over the glowing veins and…

Shook her head.

There were no shoes that fit her, of course, so she walked barefoot into the infirmary, the cold metal floor biting the soles of her feet. Malinalli was waiting for her, and beamed when she saw her. “You look so pretty! And your hair! I didn’t realize you…” She trailed off.

“I do indeed have hair.” The Assassin glowered. “I simply can’t leave it flying like my brother can.”

“No, no, I totally get it.” Despite her dark complexion, Kon-Mai could see Malinalli blushing. “I have to keep my hair back during work so I understand….”

Kon-Mai said nothing, barely meeting her gaze. “Let us get on with it then.”

“Yeah.” Malinalli held out her hand but Kon-Mai shook her head.

“I can walk perfectly fine, if you lead the way.”

“Okay...the canteen is this way.” She opened the door and held it. “After you.”

Kon-Mai had to duck slightly under the doorframe. Perhaps it was a good thing she was barefoot, she could only imagine the trouble she’d have wearing something akin to heels.

Despite the insistence on her independence, every step Kon-Mai took sent a shot of pain up her legs and into her chest. She clenched her fists, biting her lip and willing herself to keep a steady pace with the small human woman. Thank goodness she was walking slowly.

The canteen was, thankfully, close by. They rounded a corner and the metal shifted to dark, polished wood. The bar was much darker, lit with mood lighting and candles, and Kon-Mai could feel her muscles relaxing in the calm environment.

Until she heard the yelling.

“I TOLD YOU!” A distinctly British voice cried. “WE ARE NOT USING THE ZED WORD!”

“Why not?” Resounded another woman’s voice, without the noticeable accent. If Kon-Mai had to guess, she’d say this one was American.

“Because it’s RUDE!”

“Rude to who, the zombies? They don’t fucking care!”

Kon-Mai heard Malinalli sigh audibly, and she looked over to the source of the nose, where two human women sat at a booth.

“It’s the principle of the matter!” The British one said.

“There is no ‘principle’ to this matter.” The other one began counting on her fingers. “They walk like zombies, they’re half-rotten, they eat brains, they talk in weird growls, they are zombies, so I will call them zombies!”

“They still have human rights!”

“NO THEY DON’T! And neither do we, Princess! Have you forgotten the world ended?!”

Kon-Mai approached the table, and the shadow she cast over it made the two women stop and look up at her.

“Guys!” Malinalli called. “Meet Kon-Mai!”

“Oh!” The British woman, a girl in her youth with short purple hair, perked up. “Oh yes! We’ve been absolutely dying to meet you!” She jumped up, and Kon-Mai noticed that clasped in her hair was a little tiara. “Lady Demetria Min of the British Isles!”

“Don’t believe anything she says.” The other woman piped up. “You’re not an actual Lady, Princess.”

“Shut up.” Princess snapped.

The other woman looked significantly older, with wrinkles and scars carved in her dark ebony skin, but the bright red hair she sported gave her a youthful demeanor.

“Kon-Mai, this is Zuri Temitope.” Malinalli gestured to the woman.

“I prefer Tisiphone.” The woman smiled, looking the Chosen up and down. “I don’t know what I was expecting, but you...certainly live up to the hype.”

Kon-Mai nodded in thanks, but remained silent.

Tisiphone turned to Malinalli. “Hm. She’s quiet. I like her already.”

Princess pouted. “Well, come on! Sit with us, don’t just stand there!” Kon-Mai yelped as Princess pulled her into the seat beside her.

“Maybe she can finish this debate for us.” Tisiphone said as she sat back down. “So. I say that the Lost should just be called ‘zombies’.”

“And I say that it’s rude to call them the zed word, and ‘The Lost’ is more politically correct!” Princess countered, her tone rising.

“I’m not fucking worried about hurting the zombies feelings, Princess.”

“It’s not about feelings, it’s about what’s right!”

“What do you mean what’s right? Our job is to mow them down like grass!” Tisiphone turned to Kon-Mai. “But what do you think? Your perspective is probably a lot different.”

“Yes. Tell her I’m right.”

“Shut your goddamn mouth, Princess.”

Kon-Mai blinked as the two women finally fell silent, staring at her expectantly.

“I believe it was one of your kind that said, ‘a rose by any other name would smell just as sweet.’” Kon-Mai said slowly. “What you call them does not matter, or change what they are. As long as you can do what must be done and eliminate them.”

“Oh fuck off.” Tisiphone said. “That’s a non-answer. You gotta pick a side.”

“Guys, come on, she said her piece.” Malinalli cut in. “Don’t badger her.”

“Why do you object to their current title?” Kon-Mai asked Tisiphone.

“It sounds like some sci-fi fantasy bullshit. Zombies have been part of human mythologies for centuries and everyone knows the term. Calling them ‘The Lost’ is just needlessly complicated.”

“Of course it is!” Princess cut in. “Everything is complicated right now, Tisiphone! But we have it so much easier compared to them, the way they’re suffering. Even if I gotta put them down, I don’t wanna forget that they are human, just like us.”

There was a brief silence, in which Kon-Mai’s eyes drifted to the hallway and she, unfortunately, locked eyes with a familiar Skirmisher woman.

“Betos.” She hissed, and hid her face with her hand, but it was too late. The conversation died at the sound of combat boots clomping their way towards the group.

“The Commander instructed me to fetch you.” Betos’ gravelly voice sounded too close for her comfort.

Kon-Mai looked up briefly, again catching Betos’ narrowed, yellow eyes.

“I did not expect to see you here.” she said as she stood, Princess helping her to her feet.

“My soldiers are here, and thus so am I.” Betos turned to Malinalli. “You are dismissed.”

Malinalli stammered. “I need to return the patient to-”

“When the Commander is done, she will page you.” Betos said firmly. “You are dismissed. Go back to your post.”

Malinalli looked warily to Kon-Mai, who gave her a nod.

“...Understood.” Malinalli mumbled as she left.

“It was nice meeting you!” Princess called after Kon-Mai. “Come back sometime, alright?!”

Kon-Mai did not answer her.

Betos’ pace was much faster than her human nurse’s, and despite her best efforts, Kon-Mai found herself falling behind. She dared not call out, but she saw Betos getting farther and farther away and knew if she didn’t, she’d get left behind on this damned ship.

Luckily for her, Betos stopped dead in her tracks and turned to face her, her yellow eyes glowing in the low light.

Kon-Mai bared her teeth. “This was your plan, then? Lead me away, so I would be helpless, and then strike me down?” She nodded. “A devious trick, but it has worked. If you wish to kill me, now is your time.”

“Believe me, if I wanted to, you would already be dead by now. Dead and rotting in your stronghold, where your poor brothers would find the broken body of their little sister, and they would know that your life was taken by your own hands...” Betos shook her head. “But no. No, it’s not enough. Killing you, it wouldn’t be enough.”

Kon-Mai’s goading smile fell, and she felt a chill run up her spine. “What?”

“If you died, that would be it. You might feel a moment of pain and in the end, you might even beg for repentance. But…” She smiled. “No. I began this journey not so different from you. Mox has killed more than you, lest we forget.” ”Do not remind me of that.” ”I will. You are not the monster you want yourself to be. And I want you to look upon that truth, and swallow it like medicine. I want you to renounce your precious Elders and become exactly what you swore to destroy, to live like us, to truly feel.”

“I did feel, once. You saw it yourself, Betos. And yet you did not seem to care so much then.” Kon-Mai blinked violently, hot tears in her eyes. “...Do not be so sure that anything will happen.”

“We’ll see.” Betos turned her back to her. “It’s why the Commander wants to meet with you.” She continued her pace, and Kon-Mai limped along, trying to catch up.

Thankfully, it was only a few more feet down the hallway that they stopped at a single metal door, upon which Betos knocked. “Commander, I have her.”

The door opened, and Kon-Mai froze.

The woman stood up, her long white hair flowing like it had its own wind current around it. She walked slowly around to the front of her desk and locked eyes with the Assassin, those green eyes glowing with warmth and light and calm. She radiated with ethereal beauty.

“Welcome, Kon-Mai Mordenna.” The woman said. “I am Commander Senuna of XCOM. I’ve been so looking forward to our meeting.”

(God I’ve been looking forward to this. I’ve decided I’m going to post a new chapter once a week on Saturdays, but I already have five or so written so waiting to post this has been torture.

Now that it’s out, I hope you all enjoy!

Also extra credit to the people who catch the “Shawn of the Dead” reference.)

#xcom #xcom 2 #xcom 2 war of the chosen #xcom2 #xcom assassin #xcom soldiers #xcom oc #xcom commander #commander #senuna #kon-mai mordenna #xcom bradford #john bradford

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vethyourhalflingmother · 5 years ago

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third session of not critical role critical de rolo was today, back after a four month hiatus!

here’s the last session if you haven’t read it!

to remind you of our players, we have:

Vax’ildan “Bard Boy” de Rolo, (Bard), played by @indigoire

Cessair “Cess” de Rolo, (Ranger/Alchemist) & Trinket, played by @winking-owl

Elaine de Rolo, (Paladin), played by @monkbeauregard

Percival “Freddie” de Rolo IV, (Artificer), played by @swiftbell

Maeve de Rolo, (Cleric), played by @because-seconds-not-the-same

the theme for this episode was finding mom & dad & oh boy they aren’t doing great:

-(dm note: i ended the last session summary saying percy was holding animus; i meant to say he was holding retort! he starts combat with retort, and it’s pretty relevant to what happened today)

-(second dm note: percy and vex are modified under the in-game explanation that it’s been over 20 years since they’ve been out actively adventuring)

-the party started by rolling initiative because something was clearly wrong with percy

-freddie went first and buffed his siblings’ hp

-trinket tried to approach percy & found a not-so-warm welcome when percy brushed him off

-elaine hid behind a tree and remained there for most of combat

-percy shot trinket, much to the distress of all my players (and something about playing percy gives you Great Luck because i rolled that at disadvantage and got a nat20 and a natural 18)

-bard boy put a cloud of daggers on percy

-maeve also buffed the team from a safe distance beside elaine

-cess decided to get really close to percy and cast protection from good and evil on him, which was ultimately very helpful but was not great for cess

-because at the top of the round, freddie pulled her out of percy’s way & percy did in fact shoot her, even with the disadvantage. just a flesh wound tho

-elaine and maeve continued helping from a safe distance of over 20 feet away

-more shots were fired by percy, but he was missing a bit

-bard boy used a mage hand to get percy’s gun away from him (because mage hand does disarm if your dm likes your plan enough!)

-cess noticed that percy seemed to be possessed by something and that somehow they had to get that thing out of him

-percy pulled out animus - and immediately misfired, doing damage to himself

-the quarter-elves seemed to noticed throughout combat that their father could hear them at times, and seemed to actively fighting against whatever was wrong with him (as evidence by shaking, twitching, eye-closing, head-shaking, various expressions of shock after being hit, and a receding/pulsing of the bulging veins in his face)

-freddie shot his father with a crossbow bolt. because that’s what happens when your family is alive in dnd. trinket sliced open percy’s arm. the daggers rained down upon him.

-my players finally let themselves believe that the power of love was the answer after all, despite their earlier skepticism, because my puzzle is “cheesy” i guess

-freddie and elaine, the twins, started talking (/whining) at their father

-trinket tackled percy and pinned him to the ground

-percy coughed up blood and an oozy black shadow creature - and he was back to (relatively) normal! and stewing in Guilt and Trauma once more, of course

-literally every single quarter-elf used a healing spell on percy, which almost brought him back to max HP

-percy explained that he and vex had gone into the parchwood to find a missing child, and that they were attacked by undead, which they easily defeated... and then he didn’t remember anything

-the party set up camp for the night

-freddie asked percy if he knew corinthia the drow wizard; percy said that he remembered a nursery tale about an elf in a tower that his mother told him, but that he didn’t know anything else

-there were three watches: first consisting of elaine and freddie, and they ribbed at each other & told jokes. elaine insulted freddie by calling him straight. the second was bard boy and maeve, bard boy tried to startle maeve with his eyeshine and maeve was not impressed, the third was cess and percy, percy apologized, cess tried to give him the gun talk again, percy was like okay but this was literally me not a weapon i created.

-in the morning bard boy made breakfast. cess confirmed the food he found was not toxic. freddie still didn’t like the taste.

-the party took off into the parchwood following trinket’s nose

-bard boy asked percy about his spellnotes written in celestial; percy explained they were vex’s idea, and that he’d only been transcribing them for her because she did not speak celestial, as that seemed like the appropriate language to write spells tailored to the undead in

-the sky started to get unnaturally dark, to the point where those who did not have darkvision (everyone but bard boy), could barely see

-trinket led the party to a temple-like structure that reminded everyone, unsettlingly enough, of the corrupted temple beneath castle whitestone, if that temple was made hastily from wood instead of stone

-trinket led the party around the temple, where they found vex among corpses killed by arrows, though her bow and sheaf were nowhere in sight. vex was unconscious. it took some effort and some rope to wake her up, but everyone really leaned into the power of love thing this time so it was much quicker - though she still had to cough up the inky gross darkness blob as well

-vex remembered more than percy. she said that the undead they fought were a distraction, and that she herself had fought possessed percy before succumbing to the possession, and that she remembered a woman in a grey robe. this woman was not among the dead. unfortunately most of the dead seemed to be members of whitestone’s pale-guard

-vex and percy had a tender moment where percy cringed at having heard that he attacked vex also, and vex told him that it was not his fault. (very odd but gratifying to rp the greatest couple of all time with myself)

-the party decided to explore the temple in the next session

#the quarter-elf campaign #critical de rolo #dnd #d&d #text #long post #the de rolo quarter-elves #it was fun! i wasn't read to like. socially rpg vex and percy.#i thought i was but can you ever really be prepared to follow taliesin and laura #i still got a tender darling in there tho #sometimes it's the best you can hope for #the other thing is i had to think of them as npcs #as they can not interfer too much with what the players want to do #their post-possession disorientation helped with that

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pastelrainbow1002 · 5 years ago

Text

Nanbaka: Upa x Nico’s Hyper Sister! Reader

Originally from my Nanbaka oneshots on Wattpad. If you would like to read them my Wattpad is in the links on my page

Ever since my brother Nico and I got separated into different prisons Ive been escaping every single one trying to find him. I mean we would escape together before that, but that's because the medication were needles. I don't do well with needles and my brother Nico doesn't like them because it hurts him. Over the years I've lived in random apartments from time to time until the police caught me again and usually the only way the catch me again is because I get caught stealing anime merch, or even killing people for rare merch that comes out. Especially if I don't take my meds soon enough. In a way i'm like my brother except i'm shorter and almost a year younger. 11 months to be exact.

ANYWAYS! Remember how I told you I killed people for anime merch. Yeah well that just happened and i'm currently being sent to Nanba prison that is located in the middle of an ocean. Yeah you heard me! It’s quite literally on a giant rock somewhere just off the coast of Japan. Everyone said that it's supposed to be a prison for boys, but they didn't really know what else to do with me. I've already escaped the top security prisons on land, so the police just ended up talking to the warden of Nanba prison. Obviously she decided to make an exception for me. I had to meet her about a week ago so that way she could approve of my prison sentence there. She told me that I had to go on birth control just in case, because most of the inmates are perverted. I was just told by the guards on the helicopter with me that my inmate number is 24 and i'll staying in block 5 cell 8. I wonder how big it is?

(Third p.o.v)

"Cell 5! You're getting a new cell mate!" Samon yelled as some of the other guards walked in with a prison bed and set it down for you.

"Wait who?" Liang asked curiously.

"I don't know I just know that they are some kind of escape artist. Oh! and apparently they like anime a lot." Samon spoke closing the cell door once the guards were out so the three inmates inside wouldn't leave.

"Nico!?" Upa shouted shivering at the thought having to share a cell with him.

"No. you wouldn't know them. The inmate is coming here on a helicopter right now." Simon answered Upa's question.

"So is the inmate nice?" Qi asked finally speaking.

"I don't know." Simon spoke again.

"Is he good with fighting skills?" Liang then asked.

"I don't know." Samon said growing irritated by the questions at this point.

"Is this inmate going to be annoying?" Upa asked making Samon officially explode in anger.

"I said I don't know! I already told you everything I was told!!!" Samon shouted at the boys before storming off.

“Damn. What crawled up his ass and died today?” Qi asked like he didn’t just annoy the hell out of the supervisor.

(YOU POV)

Once I arrived I gasped in suprise at how amazing the prison looked. I suddenly noticed this monkey looking guard waiting for me to get off the Helicopter. He had a tail and everything!

"Hiya! OH MY GOSH! Are you actually part monkey!? Is your tail real!?! You're like a real life anime character huh!?" I shouted trying to grab his tail. surprisingly it swayed away from me before I could even touch it.

“Hey! Don’t you know its rude to walk up to someone and touch them without permission!? Who even are you anyways!?" The money looking guard asked a bit rudely. I just ignored his irritation.

"Oh, I'm (y/n)... The new inmate? Where you not informed of me?" I suddenly said confused. He looked at the men who brought me here to see if this was serious. They just nodded and he turned to me clearing his throat. He blushed in embarrassment.

"Very well. Right this way... My name is Samon and i'm the supervisor for block 5. I’m also the assistant for the warden." Monkey man introduced himself and starting to escort me to my cell. or well I assumed.

"That's cool! So you'll be watching me, huh?" I asked not realizing how creepy that sounded. He just nodded before saying.

"Sorry about how i reacted to meeting you. It's just this prison doesn’t have any girls and. i DO NOT! Like my tail being touched." I noticed we turned into a hall with a bunch of cells.

"Oh its okay I totally understand!! It's not every day a girl is in this prison especially an inmate." I answered paying more attention to the decor of the prison than the actual conversation.

"So is there anything I should know that the warden might not have told me?" He asked. I thought for a few minutes.

"Um.. I need to take meds every day or I go crazy and out of control. Also the warden said I need to take birth control just in case." I stated as we stopped walking infront of a cell. He just said a simple “Okay” before opening the door.

"Well here's your new cell mate boys!" Samon shouted to the inmates that were already in the cell, gaining their attention. The three boys looked at me in complete shocked. They were all pretty cute, but there was one that stood out the most. His green hair and pale white skin made him look like a porcelain doll.

"Hey! And no funny business!!" Samon yelled as a reminder before closing the door and leaving. They were all staring at me still. I felt a bit embarrassed now so I decided to say something.

"Hi! My names (Y/n)! What are yours!?" I asked enthusiastically. The older one in the room shook his head smirking while putting down whatever it was he was smoking and walked over to me. He grabbed my hand and kissed the back of it.

"How rude of me to not introduce myself to such a lovely lady. My name i-." He got smacked upside the head by the Green haired boy.

"Sorry about him. My names Upa. That's Liang. And this trash is, Qi." He said clearly annoyed by the other male. Did he just call him trash? I stiffled a laugh not trying to seem rude.

"I could have introduced myself!" The two other boys yelled glaring at the small male.

"It's nice to meet you all." I said with a sweet smile before going over to my side of the room. Once I finished putting up my stuff on my bed and night stand I stood on said bed in triumph. I was only allowed to have this stuff because I forced them to let me bring it. What really grabbed my attention was the fact that Upa was now floating. I gasped and jumped onto his bed that he was floating above.

"Can you teach me how to do that!!? I want to float too!" I shouted. He looked at me slightly annoyed.

“You can’t just randomly jump onto my bed!! It’s my personal space!! and its not floating its called Qigong!” He answered me. I ignored his statement about personal space and got super close to his face.

“Please, please, please teach me!” I begged him with puppy dog eyes. he sighed and looked away from me with a blush on his face.

“I suppose I could try to teach you.. but that doesn't mean you'll be able to do it.” He said.

"I can totally do it!" I shouted with determination.

"You’re actually really cute when you're so devoted to something..." He mumbled. i don’t know if he meant for me to hear that, but I did. A small blush covered my face.

“What?” I whispered just enough for him to hear me.

"I.. I mean! Its very nice to see you with determination!! I dont think you’re cute! no way! Its not like I like you! How could i? I don’t even know you!" He said a little too fast.

"Would you two stop flirting? I'm trying to concentrate on learning some new moves." Laing directed over to us.

"We're not flirting!" we yelled back at him. Laughter was then heard from Qi as he said.

"Yeah sure." I was about to say something when I realized the moves Laing was trying to learn.

"Wait! I can do that!"

"Really?" Laing asked suddenly interested in what I had to say.

"Yes I learned it from an anime!" I said totally serious. The boys just started laughing making me pout a bit. They thought i was joking. Suddenly there was a loud bang and four different inmates fell onto the floor of our cell.

"See I told you I saw a girl inmate!" The boy with black and red hair yelled.

"A girl!" Two of the four boys yelled together.

"What are you doing in our cell!?" Upa shouted.

"We came to see the girl inmate that Jyugo saw walking with the monkey." A boy said with blonde and pink braided hair. I wasn't really paying attention though because I noticed something. The boy with green hair was my big brother!

"Baby sis/Big brother!!!!" We screeched to each other. I jump in his arms and he spun me around.

"I missed you!" We yelled in unison again. Everyone was staring at us in silence. Upa was the first to break it.

"She's your sister!?” Nico and I just nodded while giggling.

"We were separated into different prisons because they thought we would stop breaking out afterwards." Nico said happily clinging to me.

"Yeah, but we obviously didn't. So the judge's plan didn't really work out." I explained some more.

"So why are you in this one!?" The one with a pink and blonde braid asked getting way too close to me.

"Um... Well I kind of stole and maybe killed a man for rare anime merch. I trespass a lot, but only because I like wandering. Plus if I don't have meds I go crazy like my brother here." I said getting out of my brother's hug and stepping back so the guy wasn't so close.

"Except she is worse." Nico started. The three inmate's that came in with my brother shivered in fear.

"So you’re saying she’ll bite us if she doesnt get her meds?" The black haired boy with red at the end of his hair said.

"No I bite. She will probably try to rip your leg off." Nico said. Everyone looked terrified, but Nico and I acted like it was the most normal thing which for us it was.

"Baby sis! Let me introduce my friends. The boy with black hair is named Jyugo, The one with the braid is Uno, and the purple haired one is Rock." Nico said smiling introducing everyone. I smiled at the boys.

"Do you like food?" Rock suddenly asked.

"Of course!! Food is literally life. If I had an endless supply of food, anime, and drinks I would be good for the rest of my life!" I yelled energeticly and giving them my adorable smile.

"Why did you never tell us you had a sister?" Upa asked.

"A beautiful one at that." Laing add. Nico stared at Laing intensely. I could tell from the look on his face that he wasn’t too happy Laing was flirting. He has always been overprotective.

"Because it was a sensitive topic and.. she's my baby sister." He said the last part a deadly aura around.

"I-I can tell." Laing said putting his hands up defensively. Upa was suddenly right by me and I jump a little not excepting him to be there so quickly.

"How did you do that!?" I asked astonished because he was on the other side of the room only seconds ago.

"I don't know what you're talking about." He stated with a small smirk.

"Is it that Qigong thing you do?" I asked. My brother turned to Upa and picked him up. Pulling him in a tight hug him.

"Master!" He shouted happily.

"Put me down!" Upa yelled at my brother.

"I wanna hold him now!" I said taking him away from my brother and snuggling him like he was a teddy bear.

"Oi!! I didn't say you would pick me up either!" Upa yelled. I just snuggled into him more.

"Baby sis! Put him down." Nico tried to command me.

"Aww. But I don't wanna. You get to hold him and I don't. Thats not fair!" I said pouting.

"I'm not a damn baby!!" Upa yelled trying to get out of my arms.

"That's because i'm older and I don't want my baby sis hugging boys, no matter how cute and innocent they look." Nico said trying to steal him away from me. Upa stopped squirming and glared at my brother.

"I am not cute! And I am most definitely not innocent!" Upa shouted as everyone else was just laughing at the situation or being jealous that I wasn't snuggling them.

"See! Master isn't innocent more reason to put him down." Nico stated. I sighed in defeat and put him down.

"You know i'm the only girl in this place besides for the warden right, big brother?" I asked.

"The warden is a girl!?" Uno suddenly got heart eyes. I nodded before saying.

"She's the reason i'm here. Since I'm a super good escape artist and all. Honestly I think she has a thing for someone named Hajime because she was fantasizing about them when I met her." I stated only for Uno to fall flat on his face in disappointment.

"OI! What are you four doing in here!?" I heard the guard Samon yell stomping over. "Doesn't the gorilla know how to keep you in your cell!?"

"We came to see the girl inmate! Only to find out she is Nico's sister!! How crazy is that!?" Rock said obviously happy to meet me. In a shorter way to say they ended up having to leave with the help of Samon. I turned to Upa and smiled before picking him up again.

"You are totally cute by the way." I said holding him to my chest again. Upa's face turned bright red and he pushed his face away from me before shouting.

"Geez woman! You're going to suffocate me."

"Put him down before I come over there!!" I heard my brother yell from down the hallway.

"How did he know...?" I asked more so to myself before putting Upa down again.

#nanbaka #upa #nico #juygo #rock #uno #laing #qi #samon #inmates #xreader #upaxreader #nanbakaxreader #nanbaprison

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refractionrp · 4 years ago

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LOADING DATA . . . AHN HEEJIN ( june ) the SCALES OF JUSTICE 43k.87.056-007.exe / 79. 06. 30 - 43. 07. 01 eternally 24

life before death

i. average. a painfully dull word that describes heejin’s early life better than any other. aside from her korean roots, there is nothing special about the girl. nothing that sets her apart; nothing that is even the least bit interesting. her father works an office job just out of toronto, and her mother earns some extra money cleaning the houses of the filthy rich. out of three daughters, she is the middle one. the forgotten one. not that it matters much; her parents don’t have much time for any of them. her sisters seem to be perfectly fine living an anonymous life–but not heejin. she was meant to be so much more.

ii. she wonders what it’d be like to be seen. for people to know her name, to whisper behind her back. her hand-me-downs only have her stand out for all the wrong reasons, and she is just so tired of it all. at home, she begs her mother for some clothes of her own. begs her father to give her some pocket money. all the other kids get it, why shouldn’t she? don’t they want to see her happy? don’t they love her? she is sixteen years old, for christ’s sake. girls her age should be discovering who they are, but how can she, when she has next to nothing? when her grades pale in comparison to her older sister, and her looks pale when she is next to the youngest. why doesn’t anyone understand that she is tired of being a nobody? why can’t she be like the rest of them?

why is it all so fucking unfair?

so many questions, so few answers. the girls at school ignore her; the boys don’t even know her name. well, except for that one nerdy girl who always smells like her grandmother’s old house, and the boy with the uncombed hair and broken glasses. they are at the bottom of the food chain–and so is she. unnoticed. uncared for. if at least her grades were top of the class, she could have lived with it. but of course, it is all too much to ask for. so. fucking. unfair.

iii. high school passes painfully slow. nothing interesting ever happens. same old, every day. even her part time job is as basic as it gets, working at one of the local coffee shops. not even starbucks or tim hortons. just a small, unknown cafe. like all else, bland. it would almost be laughable if it weren’t so frustrating.

eighteen years old, and she still doesn’t have her own room. when is her sister finally going to move out? isn’t she old enough to live on her own? god, if at least she could have a place of her own, perhaps things would be better. but the bitch just doesn’t want to leave. it’s a hot summer night when their parents come home to the both of them yelling at each other; throwing insults and pulling strands of hair. they try to interfere, but it backfires entirely. ugly tears, accusations, slamming doors. why couldn’t they try harder to find a better job? why was she born into this family; why was she even born at all?!

she doesn’t even apologise the next day. instead, she decides there and then to throw her whole life upside down–for good.

iv. it starts relatively small. a twenty dollar bill, twice a week. once from her father, once from her mother. just a little extra to add to her less-than-rewarding pay from the coffee shop, and only so she can buy herself that pretty shade of lipstick one of the popular girls at college had been wearing. her parents never need to know. just this once. doesn’t she deserve it?

that is how she starts to resonate it all. she does deserve this. all those years of living in everyone’s shadow, and finally she is becoming someone worth gossiping about. their attention becomes her heroin; twenty dollar bills taken from her parents become twenty dollar bills taken from her job. they become snatched labels from pretty dresses, tucked away underneath her clothes as she pays only for a cheaper pair of earrings. within a few months time, she blooms from a gloomy outsider into one of the most popular girls in school. the relationship with her parents is worse than ever; her sisters don’t even bother talking to her anymore, and her old friends have literally called her an arrogant snob.

but the jocks chase after her and the cheerleaders have taken her in as one of their own.

she loves every single minute of it.

v. once warm-hearted and gentle, the popularity soon turns her into a shadow of her old self. a monster, as her mother would so kindly dub her. she will do anything for attention, and that includes hurting people. madison, please don’t talk to us anymore until you fix your shower. samuel, what on earth makes you think a nerd like you would be good enough for a girl like me? the harsher the words, the louder the laughter of her friends. she is both one of the most loved and the most hated people in her college, and it has her feeling absolutely invincible. it is better to be hated than ignored, after all. she should know.

vi. it should come as no surprise that heejin snatches a job as a reporter after college, oftentimes spinning the truth enough to make for an enthralling story. it is a known fact that people don’t want to read the boring truth. they want to read something worth their times; something shocking. sensational. is it her fault that people thrive on that? she is simply catering to their needs. who cares if she has to harm a person or two in the process? it pays her bills, after all. what’s more, seeing her name highlighted in the papers is almost magical. she is no longer just a sidekick to the queen bee; she has become the queen bee herself.

vii. something about icarus and flying too close to the sun. she should have slowed down while she was ahead. but of course, she kept on pushing. kept on finding bigger targets. destroyed their names in the papers, just for the hell of it. bragged about her accomplishments at parties and basked in all of the attention that she’d receive; all of the compliments that she was showered in.

and then comes the day that ends it all. 2024. she can vividly remember the cops telling her that she is under arrest before they drag her out of her office. all eyes on her, but for once, she does not enjoy it. case after case after case is being read to her. the lies she’s told in the papers (that have actually ruined companies and people, apparently), the goods that she has stolen (probably should have never bragged about that to old friends), her invasion of privacy on multiple occasions.. seems like having enemies isn’t all that great, after all.

she lands herself in prison with nobody but herself to count on. nobody that wants to visit her. nobody that wants to take her side. her reputation is gone, her credibility is gone, and as soon as her name disappears from the papers, her memory will be gone, too.

life after death

it is hard to pick up the pieces of your life after a downfall as bad as hers. nobody on earth had wanted anything to do with her anymore after her release. no job would take her back in. her family had not even tried to listen to her side of the story (which was crap, anyway). when she finally died, she did so on the streets. all alone.

and she had deserved it.

refraction is everything she had never dared to wish for. a place where nobody knows her name or her story. they don’t know just how terrible of a person she had been on earth or that she had to lie her way to the top. it is a second chance at life, and she will not make the same mistake twice. her very own redemption arc.

she is the self-proclaimed leader of the welcoming committee in refraction, eager to ease everyone into a smooth transmission. her way of adding value to the community and making sure that everyone settles in just fine. besides, it allows her to get to know everyone as soon as they arrive, and it ensure that they know her, too.

and perhaps there’s just the slightest bit of desire left to be known. validated. but no longer does she think that it is better to be feared than to be loved. never again does she want to be lonely again. death had been a way out once, but it won’t be an option again. no more room to fuck up–this time she is stuck here, forever.

(too bad that even her good intentions have a way of landing her into trouble. karma, is it not?)

#re.accepted #re.scales of justice

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insomnihan · 5 years ago

Text

han’s Entire Thoughts and Feelings on TWICE’s “Feel Special”

youtube

IM A ONCE I SWEAR-

im REALLY LATE BUT I CAN EXPLAIN im really living that College Life™ now and i literally dont have much time anymore for pretty much anything (rip to me but thats how it be) ANYWAY IM HERE NOW AND LIKE ALWAYS I HAVE THINGS TO SAY ABOUT THIS AMAZING GROUP AND THEIR TALENT ITS BEEN MARINATING IN MY BRAIN

there are no read mores here so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

ALRIGHT SO-

THE SONG i had a VERY GOOD feeling when it came to this song and im not saying that as a Once™ like i just felt really good even just LISTENING TO THE TEASERS LIKE THIS👏WILL👏BE👏EVERYTHING👏 LEMME TALK ABOUT JUST HOW GLAMOROUS™??????? THIS SOUNDS?????? its somehow so soft but goes so hard at the exact same time and honestly i aM HERE FOR THAT KIND OF SONG- IM DIRECTLY REFERRING TO DAHYUNS RAP BREAK WHERE IT GOES HARD OUT OF NOWHERE I- can we talk about these lyrics?????? P L E A S E????? we love songs that sounds like its nice and light BUT the LYRICS BICTH lyrics filled with how the world could be against them and hurt them how they would be all alone and wanna hide and feel as if they could disappear and no one would care or notice that B U T they have pEOPLE AROUND THEM WHO LOVE THEM AND MAKE THEM FEEL WANTED (but not in a like ‘these people healed me’ kind of way but like in a more ‘these people make it easier to deal with it’ kind of way??????? i dont wanna sound too Big Stupid™ but anyway-) IM CRYING DONT LOOK AT ME-

OF COURSE THE DANCE IS ALWAYS GOOD AND LIKE ANY OTHER OF THEIR DANCES I STARTED FOLLOWING ALONG EVENTUALLY- when they raise their arms for ‘you make me feel special’ and that part in the middle with jihyo as the center with all that arm movement and just THE ENTIRETY of choreography during dahyuns part (and of course that move she does too during it but ive said enough) literally mess me up i swear- and then those moves near the end when theyre in the line and when momo was center that was EVERYTHING™

THE VISUALS their sets are just always Pretty™ right????? for this mv in particular i LOVE SPARKLE™ and SHINE™ and LIGHT™ so this entire mv was SO gorgeous and all this shiny golds and the glittery silvers and the various vibrant colors but its NOT OVERBEARING AND HURTS YOUR EYES ive stared at these sets for five hours now-

SOME SCENES THAT I LIKED AND WANNA MENTION:

LITERALLY EVERY DANCE SCENE: the gold set with the chandelier and the darker room with their more elegant dresses with ANOTHER chandelier and the one outside of the diner JUST VERY GOOD

uuuuuuuuuUUUUUUUUH MINAS SCENE???????? HELLO??????? V BEAUTIFUL???????? V V BEAUTIFUL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

tzuyus doll house literally all of those patterns and those colors im screaming internally why is it SO pretty AND the room momo was in with all the glass cases and just OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-

diamond room??????? was that what nayeon was in??????? anyway SHINY™ and then jihyo is looking at her through all those millions of tv screens im sure that means something deep and i feel everyone figured out what that means so i wont go on

the diner (again I THINK) where sana is just sitting in front of i just like it al lot those colors were pleasing to my eyes (i feel like i should mention dahyuns umbrella during this and how the colors of it just sticks out i love that)

T H E M

DO I EVEN NEED TO SAY IT????????? THEYRE SO PRETTY?????????? JUST SO STUNNING AND BLESS MY EYES EVERY SINGLE TIME???????? the outfits the hair the makeup the colors given to them to wear the jewelry IM SO IN LOVE WITH HOW THEY LOOK IN THE MV i pretty much have nothing to complain or want to change like this like they are just so amazingly pretty i cant believe they are real and exist like this god thank you-

nayeon pls that sparkly pink outfit in the gold room with the puffy sleeves like by description it sounds ugly but i swear to you she looks incredible THE BLACK DRESS in that diamond or whatever room LITERALLY STOP THIS that white one with the big sleeves and the teal(????) hair and bangs....................... a little debatable i wont lie to you BUT SHES STILL KILLING IT- HOWEVER THE DRESS IN THE DARKER ROOM AND THAT F UCKING PURPLE SILKY ONE THANK YOU

jeongyeon!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BACK AT IT AGAIN WITH SHORT HAIR i need to express how amazing she looked with that RED AND THAT BLACK AND BLUE ONE DURING THE DANCE SCENES BE QUIET!!!!!!!!!!!!!! the shimmery dance outfit with the flow-y pants AND the white one with the short skirt AND that light blue one during the diner dance scenes P L E A S E i cant- you used to be my bias dont Attack™ me like this

MOMO WHOS FOREHEAD WAS REVEALED AND EVERYONE COLLECTIVELY LOST THEIR MINDS (INCLUDING ME) this womans power i swear she nearly broke everyone!!!!!!!!!!! that black dress with the see through sleeves literALLY IM DYING- the pink dress with that sheer dress (??? i dunno how to describe that i-) the white dress THAT PURPLE ONE LEAVE ME ALONE- (also the braids in the side of her head......................... im- just yes)

PINK HAIRED SANA I WAS SHAKING FROM JUST THE TEASER just the black jacket and the shimmery silver skirt (i think) and those red boots..................... y e a h the white outfit that has one long sleeve and theres no sleeve on the other side pls- and then the pink two piece with those shimmery boots the black and blue ombre dress and the light blue with the black boots I CANNOT™

J I H Y O!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MY BIAS WHO KILLS ME EVERY DAMN TIME that black dress with her shoulders out and all that jewelry THAT HIT DIFFERENT its my favorite fit of the whole mv that white two piece outfit im Died™ the one dance outfit that was mostly sheer?????? the ponytail??????? THE PURPLE TWO PIECE WITH THE PANTS AND THE BLACK SHORTER DRESS WITH THE PURPLE YES MAAM and she still has short hair im crying we already know how i feel about short hair

MINA 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 i was shocked to see her like forreal it was still incredible she participated for the music video knowing her situation i havent seen any live performances but i recall that she doesnt perform with them THE ELEGANT SPARKLY DRESS LOOKING LIKE A WHOLE ENTIRE PRINCESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! the white dress for the dance scenes with the one sleeve and the sparkly pink and white one and the pink (salmon colored????? pink-) dress IM APPRECIATE YOU

dahyun L I S T E N she used to be my bias too so this video just like jeongyeon SHE CAME AFTER MY NECK her kinda blue hair the white dance outfit with her shoulders out and the short dress with big long sleeves and the BLUE JACKET WHILE SHES IN THE RAIN WITH THE BLUE EYESHADOW PLS

chaeyoung................................ i was Attacked™ i dunno why i never considered her for a bias i considered her as one of my favorites (as if thats two different categories???? anyway-) that holographic fit with the long high ponytail yes the white two piece with the pants and gloves (i think she has bangs in this look???? if my eyes arent deceiving me) YES the shimmery one with the long see-through dress Y E S the pink (i dunno the color but ill just say pink-) dress Y E S and the light blue two piece YEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

tzuyu literally the scenes with her in the little house is by far one of the most stunning looks i saw in the mv i- the crown on her head with the flowers and she has like blue hair and that BIG ASS dress covered in flowers and its so colorful and she looks freakin AMAZING the pink two piece with matching colored sneakers the white dress the LONG BLACK DRESS that was seen for like two (2) seconds and then that one fit that was a mix of blue and purple??????? i dunno but IT HIT why are you attacking me-

i literally just named all of their looks but they looked great in EVERY SINGLE ONE I JUST HAD TO MENTION THEM ALL

LIKE THIS SONG IS JUST SO GOOD ITS SO GOOD and the message the lyrics hold there are TEARS IN MY EYES the fact that the song is more on more on the upbeat side rather than making it sad is just............................... im love- ITS JUST SO TWICE™ YKNOW??????? even tho they changed their sound (i believe) it still feels like twice!!!!!!!!!!!!!! in recent time their songs havent disappointed me or made me go ‘eh’ on the first listen AT ALL thats just their Power™ and they are just SO incredible and amazing and I LOVE THIS SONG AND MV

IN CONCLUSION: LISTENING TO THIS HEALED MY SOUL AND MADE ME FEEL SPECIAL BETTER

#with the weather changing my mood is All Over the Place™ and im feeling sick #BUT IM DEDICATED TO MY BRAND™#i wish i had time to do the fanart and fanfic stuff i wanted to do........................#ANYWAY #a whole BOP™#twice #not dc #han.txt #han's mv afterthoughts

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rashad95 · 5 years ago

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Lowest part of my life...

So, it’s been a really long time since I have written on this. And boy there’s been a lot of things that have happened to me recently. In the past year and a half I’ve experienced being in the lowest part of life I thought I would be in. School caught up with me and I pretty much almost flunked out one of my semesters. Some days or weeks I walked around with nothing more than a few coins in my pockets and less than a dollar in my bank account, not being able to pay for food, and even to the point where I would literally just have to go to bed without eating because I had no food in my fridge at all. I walked around with the heaviest weight on my shoulders and I just kept letting myself get lower and lower. I went to bed crying my eyes out until I could get to sleep because I just physically didn’t want to be alive. I didn’t want to tell my family any of my problems or turmoil because I just felt like all I was to them was a burden and a waste of their time. I didn’t want to tell anyone that I just hated myself and everything about myself. Even music, the one thing that kept me from wanting to end my life in middle school because I just thought I was an ugly monster and no one would ever want to be a friend or someone to talk to wasn’t helping. I thought about just giving up on it all. I mean what was the point? No one would miss me if I died. Everyone’s life would be the same, if not better if I was gone. I just felt nothing for myself anymore.

That all changed on November 15th. I was headed to see my girlfriend and a car pulled out in front of me and I couldn’t stop in time. I slammed into that car, spun out of control and my car flipped several times and landed in a ditch. I passed out for a good five minutes. I just knew that was it for me. I would have had the wish I had wanted. To no longer be a burden to anyone anymore. But God saw different and woke up right back up. Upside down, and pretty sure my car was on the verge of blowing up, some people stopped and tried to get me out of the car, with no avail, they had to wait for the paramedics and police to come and get me out. I was for sure I was just going to die and no one was going to miss me for it. I deserved it. I just made everyones life hell and now they wouldn’t have to deal with me anymore. When the paramedics got there, I was conscious and unable to move a lot of myself because I was in shock from the wreck. I just was in awe that I was still alive. Getting rushed to the hospital with a brace on my neck and an IV in my arm I just knew that I was not going to be the same. But again, God had a different plan for me. All my test came back negative for any breaks, or any serious damage. Just a lot of soreness and some bruising. Never in my life have I ever been through something this terrible, and I walked out of it without a single scratch on me. Something after that day told me I still had some purpose in this world.

Then in June, I lost my pride and joy, Peaches. She meant the world to me and there wasn’t a thing I wouldn’t have done for her. When I was sick, she stayed by my side the whole time and never moved a muscle. Any time I was in the worst of moods, she’d come and lay right by my side and just have me rub her stomach and just make me feel like the world was mine for the taking. Around the time I left for college, her health started to decline. She would get sick, couldn’t hold food down and was losing and gaining weight like crazy. She got to the point where it was a struggle for her to even come up the stairs and lay by my bed at night. I remember the last night I saw her, she was standing at the bottom of the stairs and she couldn’t walk up them and she was just crying and whining for me, so I came down the stairs and helped her get up them. She almost fell back down then and I just picked her up and carried her the rest of the way. I remember helping her come to my door and she just plopped down in so much pain. I stayed out there laying on the floor rubbing her stomach saying “it’s okay, Peach, you’re strong and you’re going to make it, you’re battle is almost over, honey” because I knew she was going to pass sometime soon. I had a wedding to attend, and had to leave for the weekend, but I knew that when I came home, she would be gone. She passed the night I left to go, and the last words I said to her was “I’ll be back soon”. I didn’t even get to tell her goodbye and it broke my heart into pieces. I cried myself to sleep for nights about it, and I still do. I miss her so much and there’s nothing I wouldn’t do to see her again and tell her goodbye. But again, I know for a fact that there wasn’t a time in here life that she didn’t know that I loved her to death.

And about a week ago, I was in another wreck, and this one wasn’t as major as the last one, but I just stared in awe as they had to take the man away on a stretcher. Just watching everyone just rush to his aid and make sure he was okay. Some person just looked at me and said: “what the fuck is wrong with you, kid?!” I couldn’t say anything but just look at him. The man was a veteran in the Vietnam War, and I could have possibly just taken his life because I over corrected. Stupid stupid stupid me. I came home and I cried my eyes out to my mom. I’ve never been so mad and scared in my life about it. I still wonder to this day what would have happened he had died. I would have never been able to live with myself. I just think why does God continue to let me ruin people’s lives? That’s all I’m doing. And it still feels like that every single day. I just don’t know why I shouldn’t have just died a year ago. No problems would have ever happened again because of me.

But I remember that I have two parents who have literally given up their lives and have supported every single thing I’ve done. There’s never been a time that I wanted for something and couldn’t get it. I learned over this year that if ever I have a problem that they will do their damndest to make sure that I can have everything I need to keep myself going strong. I have a sister who at one point in life I thought she was the most annoying person in the world, and now she’s literally helped me get through so much in the past year, even while she’s dealing with her medical conditions that she has. And last but not least, my amazing girlfriend who at one point I thought I would never have a chance to tell her that she’s the sparkle in my eye that keeps me sane and always smiling. She’s my best friend, and I’m so thankful for her. There’s never been a time in our relationship of almost two years that I have ever doubted that she loves me unconditionally, and that just makes living knowing that we have an amazing and bright future with her. I can’t say that I’m not blessed, because I know that I am.

All in all, I’ve had a pretty shitty past two years. There’s been so many times that I honestly wanted to just end my life, and when the opportunity came for it to happen, God said NO, and I can never doubt in my mind that He have unconditional love for me. I’ve got a roof over my head, food to eat, a car to drive, a supportive and loving family, second family, friends and a fraternity of brothers who I know always see the best in me when I don’t see it in myself, and I know that I’m blessed beyond measure. And I honestly couldn’t be happier with my life now. Ups and downs come with the human experience, it’s just how we decide to continue moving foreward in every step we take.

#self love #real life #happytime #Blessedbeyondmeasure #preserverance #stives #living #life advice #testimony

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killervibeflash · 6 years ago

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5x06 “The Icicle Cometh” Review

Okayyyy sooooo my life is a hot mess. I really do apologize for not posting reviews like I said I would. Im in my senior year of college and I'm just tryna graduate, ya know? So, please forgive me.

I am not gonna lie, I thought the last few episodes weren't horrible! I just wasn't feeling passionate feelings after each episode. I know one doesn't need passionate feelings to write a review, but I do. I really love Nora and the West-Allen storyline! I really do, but the whole Iris and Nora thing was getting a bit exhausting and this Caitlin storyline kept building up and basically I was really looking forward to this episode.

I love the OG trio. I love them so much and I love seeing them work together without (no offense) Iris, Ralph and even Sherloque. So, this episode just felt special.

Here is the thing, Im wicked drunk right now so I might get just slightly personal in this post. I am an only child and my worst fear is dying/being alone after my parents are gone. Caitlin is also an only child who is estranged from her parents (believing one to be dead most of her life) and she represents something I am scared of being, but also am desperately searching for. I am always looking for a family, like don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to replace my parents, but I am looking for a support system outside of my parents. (Yes, I have Aunts, Uncles, and Cousins but they aren't like my “Family-family”, they’re just family.)

What I have always liked about Caitlin (and don’t hate me Caitlin fans) but, Caitlin has always seemed to be alone in a way. Cisco and Caitlin were “work friends”, but they quickly developed a strong friendship. Like, here is how I noticed it. It was when everyone was outraged that Caitlin called Iris a work friend. I get it! Caitlin probably should have thought of Iris as more than a work friend after everything they’ve been through, but Caitlin is CAUTIOUS. Caitlin has always been cautious or “cold” to people. Caitlin and Cisco worked as a friendship, but it took Barry and Caitlin a little white to start hanging out outside the lab. Dr. Wells was her mentor and someone she looked up too, but her and Iris don't have the history she has with everyone else. I just get that about her character.

I honestly feel like when both Barry and Cisco called her a family, Caitlin was almost shocked in a way. I think she hid it well when Barry said it, but I think I saw a little trace of awe or shock in Caitlin’s face when Cisco said it to her. Caitlin genuinly didn’t think she would find that familial support base. She didn't know that Cisco and Barry are her brothers (Sorry, Snowbarry shippers, but Ive said it before I ship Snowbarry, but I am also down for this Team Flash family shit too). Again, I relate to that, because when I look for family in friends it’s really hard. I need them for more than just a lunch date every few weeks, They need to be there and they need to be there permanently. I don’t think Caitlin has had that in anyone else. Her mother and her grew estranged, she fell in love with Ronnie and he died, he fellow in love with Zoom who was a villain who treated her like shit, and then Julien who was no more than a short fling. She hasn't had permanency in a family way.

Cisco and Barry proved to her over and over in this episode that she was their family. They called her family. The couldn't be more clear about their feelings. Also, I hella loved Cisco’s big bro protective vibe (huh pun). Like Cisco was suspicious from like the first 2 minutes. Barry was the supportive brother who stuck up for Caitlin until Cisco shook him.

So, essentially this episode was hella cute and hella important for me to see.

Ummm, Ralph and Cecile were pretty funny this episode! Im so glad Ralph was not nearly as gross in this episode as he would have been at the beginning of last season. Speaking of Ralph, I think I have to be honest and address that the vibes Ralph gives off to Caitlin is confusing me. I hated the guy so much last season and this season he seems so much better and he’s helping Caitlin and he cares about and Caitlin. I don’t ship it, but I am paying attention. Like, I am so glad that the writers didn't shove the Ralph/Caitlin friendship in this episode. However, that friendship is there and I don’t know how I am feeling about. I, though am much happier that she is single and focusing on finding herself(Literally Killer Frost), but I also want to see her find someone and be happy by the end of the series. Doesn't have to be this season or next season, but I just wanna know she is gonna be happy and loved.

Also, I heard about Jessie and Papa Joe! So sad, but I hope he can return to the show soon and I am sending him prayers.

The Nora and Iris bits were interesting.I am glad they are getting along. Like genuinely, but it was still awkward. Like not to judge Iris, but her daughter wanted to do something with her. FINALLY. and Iris is like...but I usually do that alone. Like I guess a n explanation is that it makes the press look less intimidating. I guess. I don’t know, I would have said yes and then made up an excuse for her being there, but its not everyday your 25 year old daughter from the future asks to go to work with you.

ALSO, can we talk about Barry character growth from season 1 to now! Like, he seems so wise and old now! Like, he grew up and its almost sad. I don't know, its the way Grant talks and how he carries himself with confidence. I mean he is playing a dad and last season he was a mentor and he has just changed and learned so much and it shows in Grant’s acting.

Okay, So now to the exciting part! KILLER FROST IS BACK!

I am so happy that she is back, I was watching this video from a guy named Pagey (he’s on youtube) and he put it perfectly when he said that he was glad KF was back because he felt like Caitlin’s character was missing something. I love Caitlin Snow, but I have loved her so much more with Killer Frost. It really adds to her performance and character.

Icicle when Killer Frost showed up was just like a strange moment. He calls her his daughter and exclaims “You have returned”. So, I believe that Caitlin’s dad’s alter ego was created before her dad gave her the ALS treatment. I mean ethically it would be so messed up to perform a risky medical trial on your kid. It would make more plausible and ethical sense if this alter ego was created and was the one who injected Caitlin with the treatment. He wanted to create a daughter. He even asked her to join him and I just want more. The pieces are adding up for Killer Frost’s story, but I wanna know why these alter egos are created evil. I wanna know why he wanted to create his daughter, or if her dad is ethically abhorrent and risked his daughters life!

I don’t know, but this was a good episode! I am super excited for the crossover and I am glad that this story isn't finished yet.

#Killer Frost #Vibe #The Flash #icicle #Caitlin Snow #ralph dibny #the flash cw #snowbarry #nora west allen #cecile west

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osmw1 · 6 years ago

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Dimension Wave Chapter 13 — Cheesy

I’m standing in front of the cave. In my hand is my fishing rod with a sinker threaded onto the line.

“Let’s do this then.”

They silently nod in response and I cast my line. I have fine control over my rod, thanks to Fishing Mastery IV. The hook sinks right into the Lizardman Dark Knight. It probably dealt a point or two of damage, but it can hardly be called an attack. But it did exactly what I wanted it to—pulling its aggro.

“It’s comin’! Get ready, everybody!”

I’m not even sure if I did any damage to it, but it’s rushing towards us at the speed of lightning. If this were any other monster, we’d be instantly destroyed, but…

Kaboom!

The Lizardman Dark Knight slammed into the mouth of the cave accompanied by a terrible crash. Yup. The Lizardman Dark Knight doesn’t fit through the entrance. There are a lot of games where you can trap monsters by getting them to clip against objects. It’s an easy way to level up, but devs usually patch stuff like this out pretty quickly. Fortunately, it works in Dimension Wave. And it goes without saying that there’s a chance of it not working, but after discussing it between the three of us, we decided to try it out.

“Let’s kick its ass!” “Understood!” “Aye!”

The rest was straightforward. All we had to do was use the weapons and skills we had to and keep on attacking the trapped monster. I took out my Cetus Longsword and started hacking away at the trapped Lizardman Dark Knight too.

Unfortunately, I don’t think I’m doing too much damage. My strikes connect with a dull clank. I couldn’t tell from a distance, but now I know that it’s not only clad in armor but also covered in scales. Its defense is accordingly high too. I look over and see Shouko endlessly thrusting and swinging as well. Yamikage has some kind of scroll-shaped magic tome by his mouth and begins chanting. Moments after, a black visual effect appears, and he starts absorbing green orbs from the Lizardman Dark Knight.

That’s probably his Drain, a dark magic spell. Shouko and I aren’t using any skills though. We don’t know how much HP this boss has, so it’d be hard to guess if we’d make up any energy expended.

“This guy is literally so tough. Can you even win fighting normally?” “I have heard talk of a party defeating it before.”

We strike up a conversation, but our hands hadn’t stopped.

“’Tis naught but a rumor, but supposedly, they had tanks occupying the monster while they blasted it with light magic from a distance.” “I see. Its physical defense is as high as it looks to be.”

It’s just a guess, but I don’t think we’re quite fit to fight this Lizardman Dark Knight. The folding fan doesn’t do much damage and Drain is a dark-type skill. Our chances of winning are zero if not for cheesing it. My attacks make an unpleasant clank when I hit it and that’s with my strongest weapon I have. Oh, and if I had to say, I think a metal axe or even a blunt melee weapon would fare much better.

“In any case, if it doesn’t make any strange movements, we can just keep on wailing on it.” “Okay!” “Aye!”

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step is what they say. Just gotta keep at it.

Thirty minutes later.

“I-It’s still standing. How much freakin’ HP does this bastard have…”

If we get too close, it’ll strike back at us. We’re barely managing to outrange it. Especially with Shouko. The range on her fan is short, so she’s gotta occasionally parry its attacks. Not to mention, the AI causes it to try to run away from time to time. Naturally, I summon it back with my fishing rod. Seeing how I’m able to manage that says a lot about how smart the AI is.

“Perhaps it has regenerating capabilities.” “Nay. ‘Tis but because our offense is lacking.”

Well, that’s true, but I’m about average, I’d say. It’s been seemingly forever since we’ve attacked this monster, resulting in its armor crumbling and even scales ripped off. Still, it’s tough mentally to keep this up for a whole hour on a single monster.

“Be nourishment for my spirit. Drain!”

Yamikage’s been spamming Drain endlessly for 30 minutes and now even has more Energy than Shouko. That’s to say, he has about 27,000 right now. The Lizardman Dark Knight sure has a lot of HP.

“Whoa?”

As soon as the familiar green orbs get drained by Yamikage, the Lizardman Dark Knight moved in a peculiar way like nothing seen before. It keeled over with a deafening wheeze. It crumbles and slams onto the ground while luckily, causing no earthquakes.

“Hath it finally perished?” “Hey! That’s a death flag right there!” “Hmm, aye. I have left my younger sister behind in my hometown. Therefore, death must wait!”

… god damnit. I like his enthusiasm.

“Goodness… whatever are you two doing?”

Shouko shot a chilling glance over at us while confirming that the enemy is dead. Bosses feign death too. I raise my guard and get closer.

“Be wary. It may be feigning death.” “Gotcha.” “That is unlikely.” “Why’s that?” “Dark it may be, but it is still a knight. I believe it would have more honor than to do something so cowardly.”

Hmm, she’s got a point. It’s normally the demons and tribals that play dead, I think. Well, I guess the Lizardmen are a tribe, but still, it’s a knight. It should be honorable. More honorable than us, at least. We’re the one who trapped it and cheesed it to death. But ignore that.

“As for drops… we obtain a Fragment of Darkness and Dark Spear Splinter.” “We may sell those for a hefty sum.”

It’ll make us a good bit of coin, though I’m not exactly broke. Well, it doesn’t hurt to have more money. According to Yamikage, that two-handed spear is a material and a very desirable one for spear-wielders because of its dark element.

“Such is the prowess of a gutting-type weapon, true to what the rumors say.”

The real issue now is what to do. I glance over to Shouko and give her a look. Honestly, I want to gut it. I don’t think I’d get another chance to gut it. And likely, what we’d get from the monster would be really good for weapons and armor. A side of me is saying to keep the secret but the other side of me really wants the boss loot.

“We’re buddies that took down a boss together, so I guess I’ll tell ya…”

There ain’t nothin’ better than boss drops.

“If you are fine with it, Kizuna, then I believe it is for the best as well.” “Hmm? What is the meaning of this?” “Well, just watch. Speed Gutting…”

After chanting the skill, I take my Cetus Longsword and start to butcher up the giant Lizardman Dark Knight. I can’t do anything about the armor and scales broken off of it, but I can harvest the rest of his scales, bones, flesh, teeth, eyes, skin, tail, and even blood. But, for some reason, I can’t make use of what I broke off of it in the fight. It’s like the complete opposite of that certain monster hunting game.

“Egads…”

Yamikage mutters out in shock. Since this is a boss monster, I got as much material as I did from the Giant Herring. The Giant Herring must’ve been the boss of its species too.

“What on earth is this? Hath the items increased? Doth gutting-type weapons not increase our drops?” “It is poorly explained in the manual, but this is the proper way of using a gutting weapon.” “Never have I been more surprised in this world before!”

I can’t tell whether he’s really that surprised or his acting is just overboard, but his words are filled with zeal. Well, even if he tells everyone about this, we can still make plenty of cash if we sell these boss items quick enough.

“Then, shall I keep this a secret too?” “Huh?” “It seems as though Misses Kizuna and Hakoniwa were both keeping this undisclosed. As gratitude for saving my life, I, too, shall bring this secret to my grave.” “W-Well, I’d appreciate it if you would…”

And to think he had almost killed us. I’m glad he changed his mind. If he’ll keep it a secret, then I really don’t have any problems with him.

“However, I doth have an issue to discuss…” “What is it?” “May I perhaps join your party?” “… why?” “I have been playing alone up till now.” “Is that right?”

Shouko questions him. He’s got such a weird build. It’s no wonder no one’s letting him in their party. I almost blurted that out loud, but I held my tongue.

“It may hath been on your tongues already, but I have a communication disorder.” “…?”

… what was that? Unfortunately, I had no clue. Some might think his roleplaying is over the top, but I think most enjoy it. At least Alto or Romina wouldn’t have a problem with it.

“Many times, I have wished to join a party, but I always end up unable to.” “I am sorry to hear.”

Shouko’s totally starting to let her guard down. It totally reeks of a scam.

“Question.” “Aye?” “You said you have a communication disorder, but you’re talkin’ to us just fine.” “Speaking like this—like a ninja—seems to help.”

What kind of reasoning is that? At least come up with a better excuse.

“Mine heart is pounding as we speak now.” “Goodness! Kizuna, let her travel with us. We are fellow Spirits after all!”

What is this feeling? Like I’m watching my friends getting swindled? W-Well, I guess a party wouldn’t be too bad… hmm?

“What did you just say?” “We are fellow Spirits after all?” “No, before that.” “We should travel with her? “Yeah. ‘Her’?”

Yamikage’s wrapped up in all black. That’s not something you could tell at first glance. There’s even black cloth wrapped around their mouth, so it’s hard to tell by their voice.

“I am embarrassed to show my true face in front of others, but if we are to fight together, then please, look at me.”

Saying that, Yamikage unravels the black cloth…

—and reveals a beauty girl with silver hair.

contents: /prologue/ /ch001/ /ch002/ /ch003/ /ch004/ /ch005/ /ch006/ /ch007/ /ch008/ /ch009/ /ch010/ /ch011/ /ch012/ /ch013/ /next/

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