#literally awful few months
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blocking the tag pjo spoilers when i read the books when i was like nine feels so weird
#remember waiting for mark of athena to come out#literally awful few months#what a cliffhanger#lol#anyway#i refuse to get this show spoiled#ikk its the same plot but i need to experience the first watch properly#percy jackson#pjo#actually i swear i saw a new pjo book i should rlly read
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Some art of Tori from @misfitmccoward ‘s Naruto fic Plasticity! Because!! It’s such a good fucking fic…! I had to do fanart for it!! honestly after I first read it I was so fucking hype about it that I was almost like “omg.. I have to do an animatic or something for this. it’s SO GOOD” but. My ability to do animatics has kinda flushed down the drain recently ghghg- But! Still!! I had to at least draw some fanart for it…!
#sorry if I got any details wrong! it’s been a few months since I read the fic!#I mean. I originally drew this right after first reading it. but! I only finished them now so. I might have screwed something up ggh-#but yeah! YEAH! OMG! I FUCKING LOVE THIS FIC!?!?!?!?#ITS SO GOOD!?!?#LIKE. ughghghggh. idk. I read it while still pretty deep in my head about awful life stuff#and just. reading Tori. going thru absolute HELL. was like. cathartic?? like my life. is not even a fraction of the shitshow hers is#but! JUST! STILL! like.. the way she responds to stuff… the delayed reactions. the attempts to just roll w the punches.#the fACT ALL OF HER POSSESSIONS ARE LIKE. MEANINGFUL AND IMPORTANT TO HER.#like that’s! a small detail in the grand scheme of the fic but the fact that sort of thing is commented on at all is like! FUCK.#I GET IT TORI I FUCKING GET IT#AND ITS SO FUN!!! like yeah shit is awful for tori basically ALL THE TIME. but it’s not! a downer to read! its fucking fun as hell to read!#the interactions between all the characters are SO GOOD! and entertaining!! literally EVERYTHING in this fic is a fucking delight!!!#and it’s like! ITS SO GOOD AT GETTING U TO ROOT FOR TORI! like!!!#yea I recognize Tori has slowly crossed all her moral and ethical lines and become. like. pretty fucked up.#but like! seeing that shift. coincide w the slow shift. towards everything in her life becoming NOT completely horrible#it’s just like!!! yes! girl! do what u gotta do! become a monster! get some happiness in ur life!#like it’s like… I love it so much. its such a fucking good fic. it’s sO FUN. I cannot overstate. how fun this fic is.#and Tori’s such an endearing character!! and everyone else is really likeable and well written too!#lIKE. IDK. ITS JUST A GREAT FIC DUDES. ITS GREAT#doodles#plasticity#blood#tori mendoza#also. the song that I was thinking of using for the animatic was gonna be ‘stupid intruders’#cuz I heard it and immediately was just like. OMG. THIS FITS THE VIBES SO WELL. like. it just felt very fitting ghgh#also also! Srry for misspelling ‘obviously’ in the first pic.. spelling is hard ghg-#but!! yeah!! have some art. of Tori! cuz I love her! and I love this fic!!#featuring 2 diff pics of her absolutely covered in blood from the 1st chapter! cuz. that was iconic…#and also I felt I didn’t properly convey the like. drowned rat energy the first time gGHG-#god ok I’m running out of tags now. U SHOULD READ THIS FIC IF U WANT ITS RLLY GOOD. highly recommend! it’s fucking great!
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it's been one of those weeks...
#i have deserved some me time (THE cheapest shittiest white wine known to mankind + some yaoi after the month ive had at work#one of my co workers was literally like ''oh my god ive never seen you like this before... is there something we can do?'' today gdvxhdj#shes so sweet but also no <3#anyways im fine now im hangin out with some friends this week and i have next week off from work B-)#i also got some awful work related news today but im not thinking about that as im not getting laid ofd#*off#theres just a possibility that i might get 2 days a week of work for a few months soon.... which.... not great....#ah anyways i have too much faith in my survival#leevi talks
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living alone is all fun and games til you have a medical emergency and there's no one there to help you to the hospital
#eliot posts#im fine now it's just last week's Incident fucked me up a lil#a couple online friends offered to call me an uber#and i maybe could have woken my neighbors up (though i would have felt awful abt that)#but while i was figuring out how to get to the hospital and if i'd be able to like#verbally communicate to whoever was driving where to take me#and explain to the doctors what was wrong with me#and fill out the entrance paperwork#and find my wallet/insurance card and my housekeys before i left#...i had gone unconscious before i could make the decision to find someone to take me#luckily i was mostly fine after i woke up#i knew it wasn't an ''i'm gonna die if i don't go to the hospital'' type medical emergency so i didn't call an ambulance#bc i was not abt to bankrupt myself unless i was Literally Dying#but yeah. eugh. 0/10 do not recommend.#at the VERY LEAST i'm gonna need to have good friends that live very close in the future#i don't want this kind of thing happening to me again#i am gonna be roommates with a very good friend in a few months after i move to the city#and then i'm probably gonna be roommates with a different very good friend in a couple years when i leave the state#both mostly out of financial necessity for us all#but also i thiiink i want to go back to living alone eventually?#unless living with friends goes so great that it changes my mind#it's just like. for the most part i've loved living alone#not just in a ''yay i'm no longer living with my abusers!'' way but like. in general.#i can do whatever the fuck i want in my apartment without having to talk to anyone#chores get done when i want. food gets cooked and eaten when i want. i can take a 2 hour bath no problem. i don't have to close doors.#i can walk around late at night without having to worry about waking anyone up.#when my social battery is drained i know that no one will try to talk to me. when im overstimulated i don't have to tell anyone to be quiet#it's like. the thing with me is every social interaction has a timer where i start thinking#''GOD i cannot fucking wait to go be alone in my nice empty apartment again''#that timer is much longer for some people and situations than others but it is always There even when i'm having a great time
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Im trying so hard not to loose my hope and faith in everything and everyone.. Goddd
#I just woke up :(...........#Vent#might delete later#Literally me these past few months have jjst been me being mad at the entire world and being mad at how unfair it is#Ans oh my god THIS ISNT HELPING#hruyghh im sorry if im bringing the mood down. Im just in my 'mad that everyone's can't be happy and safe and content and i don't feel like#-I can do anything abt it' era#text#text post#Like i KNOW stressing out abt things is unproductive but i feel like if i don't do anything else other than constantly think abt The Horrors#I feel like im being an awful and bad and selfish person#And im so scared to be honest. Im scared for myself. Im scared for my loved ones. And im especially scares for literally everyone else on#This fucking planet
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this is about medvedev right. he can win again! or at least get to the final and break your heart again
https://www.tumblr.com/batsplat/765495288853053440
yes... and he's perfectly capable of getting to another final and breaking my heart (if there's any of it left), but WINNING one of these things? would require that pasty germanic stick to lose a match on hard court again at some point... and if it's not him it'll be chucky chucklehead, or an exhumed corpse powered by magic water crystals coming back for one final hurrah. you don't win slams serving like that either and that's been in decline for quite a while now, kinda have to wonder whether the shoulder might just be fucked. he's not played well outside of isolated patches this year, see the lack of a single trophy to his name - the ao run was a bit of a miracle and he STILL didn't win that. so at a certain point... with his style of play and with his frame, the biological clock is gonna get him sooner rather than later. the top of the game feels firmly locked up again (if it ever wasn't), and if there's a weak link slam it's probably rg. it's fine, at least he got a slam. I mean, he's really way too good to not be a multi slam winner and I wish his only slam hadn't been immediately followed up by the most heartbreaking slam final defeat imaginable, but it's fine. I'm over it. it's fine
#djokovic's last slam not being washed was uso 2023 like i have to laugh. where was that ao 2024 performance a few months earlier#and sinner wasn't even that good this us open... 2023 version of medvedev probably wins that horrendous qf. does make u sick#just awful timing. he got lucky literally once with djokovic's calendar slam nerves#and it upset the gods so much he's been cursed for the rest of his career. it's fine whatever#men's tennis is fun because you're basically one of the anointed few or you're not and if you're not you might as well give up#//#batsplat responds#the serve thing drives me insane because his ground game these past two years has low key been better than ever but :)) no serve no hope#he's literally doing everything right he's been tactically super astute he keeps working on the right things and uses that brain of his#and it doesn't matter!!#but it's fine. haven't watched any men's tennis since the uso qf idc anymore. ao healed me like we're all gonna be dead one day it's fine
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yall i cant stop thinking abotu omori (the game) and i have to go out with my dad later i'm FUCKED
#HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO ACT NORMAL IN PUBLIC#WHEN A NEW FICTION HAS GOTTEN ME#AND I DONT MEAN LIKE FINISHING A CERTAIN WORK OF FICTION AND BEING LIKE#oh man that was good :)#I MEAN LIKE ONE OF THOSE RARE BUT INCREDIBLE INSTANCES WHERE ITS LIKE#OH MAN THIS IS GONNA FUCK ME UP FOR AT LEAST A FEW WEEKS IF NOT MONTHS#AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA#anyways play omori but heed the tw warnings like holy shit heed them#the final fight scene with you know who vs you know who#like oh wow the tihgns i tell myself every day coool!!!!#i had to pause several times bc i was just fuckin crying#bc it hit so hard so personally#AND ALSO i felt so bad for sunny and i was crying on his behalf like oh my god this is awful#for him hes just a kid and he has to deal with literally all this ahhhhhhho h god#The Fiction TM has gotten me yet again folks#sad clown emoji
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i will never get over the perfect agony that is astarion being an elf who reveries, rather than sleeping. every single night is a trauma nightmare on steroids.
#it’s made even worse by how he literally doesn’t have ANY good memories prior to being tadpoled#so he has two centuries’ worth of steroid trauma nightmares and a few months of pleasant things to meditate on#and elves can’t choose what memories they re-experience and picking blindly out of a hat like that he’s so much more likely to get#something awful just purely because of the numbers#im. going insane#origpost#arctic plays bg3#astarion#🎶sitting in the waiting room to my therapist’s office🎶
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venting in the tags just ignore me <333
#my patience with my kind-of-boss (idk she's in charge of the project but not my direct supervisor) is being tested to its limits.......#she has no prior experience in this industry and it SHOWS#like I'm generally not the kind of person who's like “oh I could do it better” but. I could do it better#idk I'm kinda over this job in general#most of my coworkers are amazing and I've made some great friends here and I love that I was able to move to a new country for this#but the job itself has rly gone downhill and I'm still super pissed at the higher ups for screwing everyone over#if it paid better I might be more willing to deal with this shit#but the pay is awful too so. my motivation is running veryyy low#anyway you know what would REALLY make it easier to get through these last few months??#if ofmd got saved and I had that to look forward to I think I would be able to do literally anything#universe if you're listening...pls
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can't believe i'm gonna have to work on my fucking birthday this year.
#ace rambles#that was only one of the days i requested off but all 5 days i put in for got rejected#and i'm not gonna have enough sick hours to call out without hitting attendance limit#the rest of my shift is completely shot since i found this out i'm literally trying not to cry on the salesfloor right now#these last few months have been awful and all i fucking wanted was a week off and to not have to work on my birthday#negative//
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Man nobody told me the comedown from a manic episode lasts like a year
Makes sense now I guess lmao
#1st month or 2 of ed edd n eddy obsession was pure mania btw lol#im at the uhhhh coming back up from the bottom of the mariana trench part of that whole process#you shoulda seen me in january it was bad lol#well i suppose yall did its not like i went anywhere#idk#too much info? idk maybe#well it was either that shit from december that lastes 2 or 3 months or a few weeks ago#i think a few weeks ago was something different tho idk#too much info#fuck it whatevr#i always send these posts 2 the drafts#too much shit happened between then and now jeez#you shouldve seen me when i was first going on my deviantart crusades#i was at the height of my entire fuckin life for the 1st few hours and then id find out about some sort of eene lost fan-media#and i would just BREAK down#and i did this over and over until something in me just broke#idk it was weird for a minute#ill take it aw a win though because my art improved a SHIT ton from that#gotta get back on that rapid improvement thing that was crazy#i think ive gotta start actually leatning stuff now lol#my ass has just now realized i can do thumbnail sketches#ive literally been publishing my first pass on all my ideas up till now#like maybe. i should try using effort....... waow#i need to go to ART CLASSES fuck#man you have to be an arts major to take any of the art classes its totally lame#STEM AND ARTS GO TOGETHER INHERENTLY!!!!!!!! STOP GATEKEEPING CREATIVITY ILL KILL YOU sorry#mildly hyperbolic here#graghhhrrr#i hate being employed theyre using up my entire brain#better not frizzle out before i finally get the chance to make cartoons
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i had an eye test done a few days ago and one of the tests gave me mad vertigo, it only lasted a few minutes but i still have a major headache and nausea and it flares up when i’m scrolling. obviously the answer is to get off my phone but it’s making me think of the march that shall not be named when i couldn’t look at fucking anything and ya girl is getting nervous
#i know its from the vertigo#i know#i just need to give it a few days and itll go away#but that march was literally the worst month of my life and i live in permanent fear of it#this is like 5% as bad as that so i know i need to just chill#but if it would just go away already thatd be very appreciated!!#side note guess who needs glasses ✌🏻#i have astigmatism which we been knew and my left eye is a bit weaker than my right which i also knew#but he didnt say anything about degeneration or anything even tho i emphasised that im always at home and always in the dark#so that was a little weight off my chest#but you know the big silver round thing they bring in front of your face that you rest your chin on#and they put the different lenses in and they ask one or two?#that spun me out something awful#i could only look through it for like a minute before i had to be like yo i cant do this#having my peripheral cut off just completely fucked me up#again it only lasted like five minutes#but still being nauseous and headachy is just making me nervous#i just need to remember it had an external cause and it will go away and theres nothing that suggests itll turn into another march#positive fucking attitude#coming out of my cage and ive been doing just fine.txt#spoonie#pots#postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome#chronic illness#dysautonomia
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extremely frustrating situation
#overly long winded explanation incoming#so i’m gonna be living with two friends starting this fall#my parents bought a little townhouse and we’re renting from them#so they’re getting all of the paperwork and contracts and leases figured out#and these two friends are just. awful with deadlines. horrific. just the worst.#my dad has been flexible but he’s had to keep nagging them again and again to get these forms signed and whatever#and one of them finally finished the whole process and she’s good to go#but the other one still just needs to get the lease signed/notarized with their dad. like. asap. like within a few days.#and i’m trying my best to be like heyyyy sorryyyy not trying to nag or anything but we do need that ASAP…. it should be quick and easy…#i know you’re working double shifts every single day and your dog just died im so sorry#but my parents say you should be able to just go to the bank during a lunch break to get it notarized…..#please don’t be mad at me or my parents for saying we need this Now…… i’m sorry i know you have a lot going on but we do Need that done#right away….#anyway i don’t want you to be mad at me or think i’m just nagging so here’s a topic change! oh you didn’t respond to the topic change.#fuck me then. god. i can’t tell if you’re mad at me or not but i have the suspicion you Are. and that’s making Me mad at You#like god man just come the fuck on already you’ve missed every other deadline up to this point too. can you please just FUCKING get#everything submitted so we can stop worrying about it and just get excited to live together!! because it’s gonna be fun!!#but it’s worrying me too bc like… if this is how they’re acting before we’re even living together#and they’re missing all of these deadlines#am i gonna have to nag them to pay their rent every month?#it’s just frustrating bc it feels like they’re taking advantage of the fact that it’s my parents and not some other landlord#so they don’t think the deadlines my parents set are like. actual deadlines#meanwhile if it WASNT my parents they’d literally be out of a place to live because the housing market is so fucked there#and if you don’t get everything submitted within The Day then you’re no longer a candidate to rent the place#if you can even get to that point in the first place#so like. my parents are being exceptionally flexible and obv i can’t really know what this friend’s thought process is#but it feels like they’re just kinda taking them for granted and taking advantage of their kindness#like fuck dude just please come on
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this girl at the centre is rly frivolous with her spending and it's driving me fucking insane because she complains about having no money but then somehow buys DQ lunch every day (a meal there is like $10+ ????) and buys a s.quishmallow or brand new fancy-covered book (not just paperbacks... the ones w embossed covers and cool stuff like that) or other fairly expensive trinkets almost daily ???? and then treats me like I'm being a party pooper if I decline buying food from DQ myself or if I say that I cannot afford some random thing that she tells me I should buy 🧍<- shaking with barely concealed frustrated irritation and tears
#I DONT HAVE AN ISSUE W PPL SPENDING MONEY HOWEVER THEY LIKE#I HAVE AN ISSUE WHEN THEY MAKE ME FEEL BAD ABOUT /MY/ FINANCIAL CHOICES THOUGH#OR IF THEY COMPLAIN TO ME ABOUT HAVING NO MONEY#GIRL MAYBE U NEED TO STOP SPENDING IT THEN. PLEASE MAKE SMARTER CHOICES.#i already feel so fucking ashamed of having zero income (literally zero except when i catsit every few months for the neighbour 🙃)#and i already feel awful for being a penny pincher but if i spend anything frivolously then im going to run out of the savings i earned#the savings i earned by not spending any money as a teen and being employed since grade 8. i worked hard for that shit.#and i would like to not run out of it sooner than I absolutely have to bc ... i will have to kms at that point fhdjdkl#if I can't get onto welfare and then disability i will not be able to live bc I'll have no fucking money 😭😭#SO LET ME PINCH MY PENNIES PLEASEEEEE I'd like to be able to fight to get onto welfare before i run out of money !!!!#ITS JUST RLY FUCKING HARD having to just. have her treat me this way.#when its like. life or death for me. and she doesnt even have to buy groceries or pay rent. jfc man#i just. its unfair. it is really so unfair. im so tired of being unable to buy little treats fhfkdl#i dont think ppl are bad for buying little treata but i am incredibly envious !!!! im glad other ppl can do so but i wish i could too !!!#its just so frustrating and humiliating when she tries to invite me to Money Spending Activities and i have to say no#and then she treats me like im a party pooper for it. PLEASEEEE I AM FUCKING POOR !!!!#pippen needs 2nd breakfast
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#having a day full of mixed feelings#I suppose this is how life goes#I'm officially done with my Bachelor's degree as of today#obviously I'm proud of myself for the accomplishment and I was excited to be celebrated today#it was a long and difficult road and there were many times where I didn't think I'd live to see it through but I made it#I'm the first person in my family to get this degree and I was really looking forward to having today be my day#I had a really lovely morning and then things kind of waned#there were a few arguments. someone I spent the day with repeatedly made negative comments about something I care about#it felt awful. I know it was intended as more of a playful jab than anything but I directly asked for the comments to stop and they didn't#it especially hurt that it was a fandom thing and the person is so invested in their own fandoms yet they felt it fair to step on mine#even though I've never done that to them#then people kept talking over me and acted like I was wrong for trying to interject to finish my own sentences#also as I said in the last post I was deeply upset by how my family members spoke of my 12 year old cousin#she's just a kid and some of our close family members have such a nasty opinion of her. she's so young and she's had a rough few years#but it seems like no one except my brother and I are willing to give her any grace#I think everyone else has forgotten what it feels like to be a kid and feel as if the world is against you#on a more positive note. I had a decadent slice of chocolate cake. it was heavenly#unfortunately I was really too in my head to fully enjoy it#literally every day for 3 weeks I've been talking about the lunch I planned to have today#I knew exactly what meal and dessert I wanted from the restaurant. it's my absolute fave and isn't available at any other local restaurant#I was totally starving by time we got to the restaurant. we were out all morning and I ate a tiny breakfast in anticipation of this meal#when we got there we found out they removed what I planned to order from the menu. I was devastated.#I know it's stupid but like this was the one part of my day that I've had planned for MONTHS and I've been thinking about it for weeks#we had a 40 minute car ride where I mentioned my excitement for the food no less than 10 times so this crushed me#also I'm just really picky in general and typically restaurants only have one or two things I'm able to eat#I offered to just eat the dessert while everyone else ordered food because they were all really hungry too but they wouldn't allow it#we left the restaurant and I still feel horrible for walking out. if I had known the item was removed we wouldn't have even gone there#it happened so recently though and I feel dumb for not even thinking to check the menu online beforehand#so we went to another restaurant and I barely ate anything and now I have no appetite for dinner and I feel bad for ruining the afternoon#even though it's my day and my celebration and I feel like I'm entitled to a slight amount of unreasonableness
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