#but that march was literally the worst month of my life and i live in permanent fear of it

[s0fter-sin]

i had an eye test done a few days ago and one of the tests gave me mad vertigo, it only lasted a few minutes but i still have a major headache and nausea and it flares up when i’m scrolling. obviously the answer is to get off my phone but it’s making me think of the march that shall not be named when i couldn’t look at fucking anything and ya girl is getting nervous

[maraczeks]

+

[azriels-shadowsinger]

No. 13 for Azriel please ❤️❤️🤌✨

“Everything reminds me of you, it's driving me insane”

Azriel x Reader

wc: 1.4K

a/n: kinda inspired by cardan’s letters. if yall read the cruel prince series then u know. get ready for some angst yall.

prompt list

“This is the last straw Azriel. I can’t handle not being a priority in your life! You always choose Rhys, Cassian, Elain, work, or literally anything else over me. I have only seen you once in the past week, and we live together for Cauldron’s sake! I feel like I live with a ghost. You’re gone before I wake up and you return after I fall asleep!” You yell between tears. “I can’t do this anymore. I love you, but it is too painful to keep living like this.” Azriel realizes where this is headed.

“Y/n, please. I’ll be better. I promise!” He begs, desperation in his eyes.

“I’m sorry, Azriel. You had your chance, multiple actually. It’s too late.” You turn away, unable to look at his heartbroken face without potentially giving in. You can feel his shadows attempting to reach for you as you walk out the door.

———

January 7th

Dear y/n,

Rhys won’t tell me where exactly you left to, but promised he would deliver this. I understand that you are angry with me and that you need some time to calm down. I hope that you will return soon so we can work this out. I love you and I’m sorry.

Sincerely,

Azriel

———

January 29th

Dear y/n,

Point taken, dear. I know I messed up, but it’s been weeks and I miss you.

I know you are getting these letters. Rhys said he ensured they would be delivered. I guess that doesn't guarantee that you will read them. Nevertheless, I am sorry for my actions and I am taking steps to create boundaries in my life so that I can have more time for you. I can prove it, if only you would just come home.

With deepest apologies,

Azriel

———

February 14th

My love,

I had hoped you would return before Valentine's Day. You always loved celebrating this holiday. I know you won’t see them, but I still got you flowers. They're on your nightstand.

It's been over a month. I miss your voice. Please come home.

Azriel

———

March 7th

Y/n,

If this is your way of punishing me, then consider it a success. I’m a wreck without you. Please come home.

-Azriel

———

March 30th,

My heart,

I am begging you to come home. Come home and yell at me, come home and fight with me, just please come home. I love you and I’m so sorry.

Always with love,

Azriel

———

May, 15th,

Y/n,

I understand what you meant about feeling like you were living with a ghost. Everything reminds me of you, and it’s driving me insane. I am haunted by these traces of you around our home. Please end this torment and come back to me.

-Azriel

———

June 7th

I’m sorry.

I love you.

Why are you doing this to me?

I hate myself for causing this and pushing you away.

Do you still love me? Do you even miss me?

Please come home I can’t take it anymore.

I love you I love you I love you I love you

I miss you.

———

Y/n,

This is my last letter. I won’t bother you anymore after this. I hope that wherever you are, you are happy. I will always regret taking your love for granted.

Eternally yours,

Azriel

———

It was another sleepless night for Azriel. He was plagued with the memories of every single time he chose something or someone else over you. He’s past the point of beating himself up over it, but rather, he considers this the worst punishment of all. Being forced to relive each memory over and over, unable to change it. Hating himself and drowning his sorrows in whiskey.

He hears a knock at the door. It’s probably Cass or Rhys, doing their weekly check on him, since he rarely leaves the house anymore. Azriel chooses to ignore them.

They knock again.

“Fuck off, I’m not in the mood tonight guys.” He barks in the direction of the door, taking another sip of his whiskey.

Another knock.

Cauldron boil him, his brothers were relentless. He was going to open the door, but only to yell at them to leave. He grumbles angrily to himself all the way to the door.

“I said I wasn’t-“ It's not Rhys or Cassian on his doorstep. Instead, he sees you, holding a stack of letters. His letters.

This is another dream, he thinks. He must have fallen asleep on the couch. When he wakes you will be gone again, having torn the rip in his heart even wider. But until then, he lets himself indulge in the dream. Azriel doesn’t hesitate for another moment before pulling you into a tight hug.

“My dreams must be especially cruel tonight because somehow I am able to smell your perfume. I can feel your heartbeat.” He mumbles, face buried in your hair. His shadows encompass you two, whispering in Azriel’s ear y/n, y/n, y/n

“This isn’t a dream, Azriel.” You say softly, pulling away to look at him and placing a gentle hand on his cheek. It takes him a moment to realize what’s happening, but as soon as he does, he pulls you back into a hug, even tighter than before. You feel hot tears fall onto your shoulder as his shadows surge around you.

“My love, my heart, my star. You came back to me.” He sobs. Your heart breaks at the pain in his voice. You had known he was probably upset about the breakup, but in an attempt to heal and move on, you never opened his letters… until last night.

After several long minutes of intense bear hugs, he finally manages to let go. Well kind of, he can’t seem to let your hand go yet.

“We should talk, Az.” You say nervously.

“I will do anything you want if it means you will stay.”

Gods, you were the worst person in the world. This poor male, who you still love desperately despite your best efforts, is so broken over you leaving.

“I’m not going anywhere, Az.” You reassure him. He finally loses a small bit of tension in his shoulders a the words, but his hands seem to hold tighter. You take a deep breath, trying to prepare for what you have to say.

“I didn’t read your letters until last night. I was trying to get over you, and so I avoided reading them. In an attempt to move on, I had convinced myself you were happy without me. But I couldn’t move on. I couldn't stop loving you. When I finally read your letters, I realized you truly had changed. I should’ve read them months ago. I should've never left. I’m so sorry Azriel. I understand if you need time or if you can’t forgive me but-“ He cuts you off.

“I forgive you. I don’t need time. I only need you here.” He’s so quick to dismiss every mistake you made, it breaks your heart. It will take a long while to reassure him that you aren’t ever leaving again, maybe a lifetime, but that’s okay.

You take notice of his dark circles and how skinny he has gotten. Gods, has he eaten at all since you left, you wonder.

“Let me make us some dinner, then we can talk more, okay?” Azriel nods and reluctantly lets go of your hand, following you to the kitchen like a lost puppy.

———

After several long hours of tears and brutal honesty, you and Azriel lay in your bed, embracing each other.

You spent the next week holed up in the house, reconnecting and reigniting your love for each other. You even took extra time to apologize to his shadows. They were very happy that you were back and made sure to show you so.

True to his word, Azriel never took your love for granted for as long as you both lived. And true to yours, you never left again.

I think I may do this prompt again later with someone else in more of a rivals to lovers type scenario, but I kinda just felt like this was fun for this one and wanted to try it idk

prompt list

taglist: @fxckmiup

[azumeowth]

SpongeBob is an Adult

I'm so sick and tired of people trying to say that SpongeBob is a child or that he was 13 when he was hired at the Krusty Krab. I swear does anyone actually watch the show? Look no further than Season 3, Episode 3: The Bully.

Mrs. Puff would NOT be his teacher if he was a child. He is a grown ass man who can't pass the driver's test. That's not THAT uncommon.

The argument I often see online is his (fictional) driver's license stating his date of birth as 7/14/1986. There are two problems with this. One: This is a dream sequence. (A rebuttal to this is that his license was shown again in season 2, but cartoons reuse assets all the time) Two: We don't know when the show actually takes place. Many shows don't take place in the same year as real life. Example: The Jetsons.

Season 1, episode 12: Employee of the Month. 43 months have passed, at least, with the 44th month being this episode. Three and a half years have passed AT MINIMUM since he was hired. This is still in season 1, mind you. March 8, 2000 was when the episode aired. 10 months, 1 week after the Episode 1 airdate of May 1, 1999. These episodes do not go along with real time.

When people say he's a kid, they are not being literal. Figurative language has been around forever. They mean he has the heart and energy of a child while living his adult life. When Mr. Krabs calls him a kid, he is being dismissive and derisive. Krabs is an old man, to him, SpongeBob IS a kid, because he's so much older than him.

Squidward calls him a kid because he's just an asshole sometimes. It's like when someone dismisses someone else along the lines of "Shut up, you're like 12" even if the person is in their 30s.

Another problem I have with people insisting SpongeBob is a child is that he's very autistic-coded if not flat out autistic. To say he is a child is infantilizing autistic people who act the same way. My partner is this way, she is nearing 50 but she acts like a 10 year old. To say she's not an adult would be insulting at best and ableism at worst.

Need more proof? Season 1, episode 12: The Chaperone. SpongeBob mentions that he couldn't find a date to his junior prom. That means he finished his junior year of high school. At the very minimum, SpongeBob could be 17, but Pearl is 16 in that episode so that is VERY unlikely.

If I need to add more to this post, I will, but chances are the ones who need to read it never will.

[papermint-airplane]

I'm really not doing well guys. Tl;dr my life sucks a lot. That's all you need to know.

My job is still jerking us around on the layoffs. They started in October of last year with "we're selling the department and laying everyone off in February" then when March rolled around and nothing had happened yet, told everyone "lol just kidding the buyer dropped out". So a lot of people quit because this clown company just told everyone it was willing to sell their jobs out from under them and didn't give a shit who was affected or how.

My job is not a job that can function when short staffed. It was already short staffed before they pulled this fakeout layoff shit and now we're lucky to have two people scheduled at any given time. They're paying thousands in overtime, begging people to come in even for a couple of hours on their days off because we don't have enough people to cover one shift, let alone the three they need because the department is 24/7. Customers are rude and entitled. I've been threatened, I've been called horrible names, I've been told I'm a shit human being and don't deserve to live. I'm not allowed to hang up on them. I'm expected to sit there and just take it and not say anything. Most days, we're so busy that I can't take my daily fifteen minute break or even get up to go to the bathroom. And that's only scratching the surface of what goes on at my job.

I have had a history of overworking myself in that job and everyone knows it. I've had literally hundreds of public panic attacks, three full-on mental breakdowns where I was screaming and literally tearing handfuls of my hair out in front of my coworkers from stress, ended up in the hospital twice because I thought I was having a heart attack, and took off three months in 2020 to check myself into an inpatient mental healthcare facility all the way across the country. I have had countless meetings with my supervisors and their supervisors and HR about the toxic work environment and shitty management. I had to beg them to take me off my 8 day rotation (four days of ten hour shifts, four days of eight hour shifts, all in succession with no days off in between) because I started shaking and laughing uncontrollably around day 6 because I was having a literal fucking breakdown. I have literally had to be taken away from work in an ambulance before.

On top of my anxiety being the worst it's ever been (and that includes when I lived with my abusive father), my depression has gotten so bad that all I can do nowadays is work and sleep. Sometimes I don't even get fully in the house before I pass out because I'm so exhausted. I have woken up on my living room floor after work more than once. I told them that I could no longer work shifts like that nor could I take overtime for my own mental health. And they still act like I'm lazy because I don't work 14 hour shifts daily. Bitch, I'm barely holding it together with my weekly 40 hours, and I'm expected to work every Thanksgiving and Christmas but that's just not enough. Nothing I do is enough. And now I don't even have enough energy for the few things I have that I still enjoy. Want to know why my Sims story is on hiatus? Because I have to force myself to do literally anything other than sleep. My house looks like a disgusting hoarder's nest because I can barely move on my days off. I cry all the time. I can't stand to be touched. I shower excessively because I feel filthy when I come home from work in a way I can't adequately articulate. My eczema is so bad that my neck and face are literally covered in bloody red rashes. I look horrible. I feel worse. I have gained over 150 lbs since starting that job in 2006. My thyroid is busted. Some days, I truly believe that I died long ago and this is my own personal Hell.

Now they're telling us that "we definitely have a buyer for the department and all the contracts have been signed". They said there'd be a transition period, after which we'd be laid off but we'd be told when the transition period begins. Now, we got an email telling us we're halfway through the transition period and are probably getting laid off in August "but we don't know when in August, so stay tuned." At this rate, I'm likely to show up one day and be told to go home. I have no idea when that will be and I have no way to know how to prepare.

The only reason I'm still putting up with this bullshit is because...well, to be honest, I've put in a lot of applications and got absolutely no replies. I'm an unemployable useless sack of shit. My company is at least giving us a really good severance package. I'm getting 17 weeks of pay (one week for every year I've worked there) plus another four weeks of pay, plus a $1000 bonus for staying through the transition period. I think I will also qualify for unemployment. I'm trying not to freak out but I don't know what I'm going to do when my severance runs out. I have only had two jobs in my entire life: a grocery store job when I was a teenager for 3 years and this job that I've had for nearly 18 years. My resumé is one page. I have no skills outside of this job. I'm never going to get hired anywhere that's going to pay me anywhere near what this hellhole of a job paid me.

I truly wish I were brave enough to kill myself but I'm not. I keep living and it keeps getting worse and I'm bombarded with hundreds of news articles and Tumblr posts every day telling me how the world is falling apart around me, so even if by some miracle I manage to find a job that pays me enough to fucking live, I don't have a future anyway. I'm almost 40 and I keep waiting for my life to begin but it never does. And it never will. I will never be happy. I will never be safe. I don't deserve happiness. I don't deserve safety. My own fucking parents hated me from the moment my mom read the lines on her pregnancy test. If my own parents can't love me, nobody can. I'm on medication and in therapy but sometimes, I wonder if it's doing anything at all. You can't fix what's wrong with me. I was just born wrong. And no matter where I go or what kind of job I end up in, the same shit will just keep repeating over and over and over because that's all I deserve. I'll just keep on hurting until global warming or war takes me out and I end up in real Hell.

In an hour, I'm going to regret writing any of this and probably delete this post. Because I'm supposed to take it and not say anything.

My Sims are the only thing that gives me any comfort anymore. Even then, I don't have the energy or attention span to do the things I want. I'm just as irrelevant on Simblr as I am in real life. If I disappeared tomorrow, nobody would notice.

[preciousmomentsfigurine]

hey, is anyone still here? looks like the last time i was on here was two years ago and change. things are really different now, but i guess then again it would be weird if they were the same

i was thinking of returning to this dead site because for a good fifteen years it was a big part of my life and provided me with a unique way to express my thoughts and ideas and feelings and opinions and musings to an audience of people who can hear me but not truly know me outside of my words that i share on this platform. and on the same coin i enjoy following the lives of people i know nothing about and watching their stories and selves develop and evolve from a complete distance in every sense

i'm five months sober now

i have a hard time pinpointing when exactly i became an alcoholic, but i guess i could say i dealt with it in some degree for about eight years, and progressively, as it always goes

i graduated with my masters last may (2023) in critical media studies where i spent my time writing and researching feminist cultural social and media theory. i produced a great deal of work i was and am very proud of including a thesis that is honestly my life and heart's work but unfortunately over the course of those two years my drinking escalated rapidly and by the end i was manically and drunkenly banging out papers and essays in the dead of night sleepless and naively inspired

somehow i got a 4.0 though despite that. everyone in my life always says i played off my drinking well anyway. beats me how or why

once i graduated i practically immediately began drinking all day every day while somewhat-hardly-kind-of-not-really looking for work which was fruitless and i quickly learned my degree i worked so hard for meant practically nothing to employers who were merely looking for experience i dont have outside of my teaching background in grad school

for almost exactly a year i was drunk 100% of the time i was awake

same old story, at some point i switched to bottom shelf pints of vodka, which constituted my breakfast lunch and dinner. sat on my couch in my filthy apartment occupying my filthy poisoned failing body either watching tv or causing problems somehow

this was when i was twenty-nine. for a while now i had known in my heart of hearts i wasnt someone who would ever be able to handle my liquor or drink like a normal person, whatever that means, and that too much was never enough, and that it was literally impossible to function so long as booze was a part of my life. any attempts to "cut back" or "take breaks", i knew, would end the same way, which was waking up to shots of room temperature vodka and being a prisoner to the worst shame a person can feel

i figured once i turned thirty, which was this march, that would probably be about the time i got sick of my own shit and said goodbye to the bottle. which i undeniably felt a kind of affection toward as if it were a lover. still do in a sense and thats why ill never flirt with it again

my sobriety date is april 16th 2024. my last drink was a shot of vodka at 8:30 am on the 15th after creating massive gashes in my upper arm the previous evening during a blackout fight with my boyfriend

im still unemployed and extremely mentally ill and my bipolar has gotten progressively worse over the past couple of years and will likely continue to according to what the science says and all of that. after my last manic episode last month i adjusted my meds (again) and for now they seem to be working but i don't hold my breath really

i do AA and i like it a lot, i do it my own way, i have a sponsor who approaches the program liberally and progressively and shares many of my comorbidities and has allowed me the freedom to define my relationship to the program and god in a way that works for me and i have made incredible strides through this. i have become a far far far better person.

being sober is easy and i never want to drink. not once not ever

ive never worked so hard on myself in my life because i got as close to death as i ever had and ive been very close at many points in my life for many years. when i was drinking i knew i wouldnt make it to see 35 if i continued as i was

therapy, AA, meds, a whole fucking lot of discipline

ive been with my boyfriend for two years and wed like to get married. thats nothing that will happen anytime soon but it is nice to think about. he has been by my side through unimaginable things that any sane person would not have stuck around for. he is my heart and my soul

im also trying to start applying for jobs again but im genuinely on the fence if i am capable of holding a full time job due to my severe mental illness. im exploring a bunch of options right now as far as that whole thing goes. the future is very uncertain as always

let me know if you see this or remember me or anything.

bye for now

[mamaestapa]

Epilogue: Nine Months

•pairing: Joe Burrow x reader

•series summary: Y/N Y/L/N moved to Cincinnati, Ohio for a new start. Move in day arrives and she discovers something terrible...the apartment complex gave her the wrong lease. Instead of living with who she originally was supposed to, she's now living with the hottest quarterback in the NFL, Joe Burrow. Y/N is stuck living in the same apartment with him for a year...which the two are not thrilled about. However, as time goes on, they realize that maybe this wasn't the worst thing that could happen to them. Will Y/N and Joe stay enemies, or will they find themselves falling in love?

•chapter summary: Instagram posts and stories from the past nine months of yours and Joe's life. A great way to wrap up the end of this series❤️

•word count: 1k

•warnings: pregnancy, childbirth, lots of fluff. Witney Carson, Lindsay Arnold, and Sadie Robertson are the face claims for these posts :)

series masterlist

——————————————————

November 2023-May 2024

November 20, 2023

liked by bengals, itsmemacee, and 879,990 others

tagged: @yourusername @joeyb_9

yourusername and joeyb_9- Unexpected, but so, so loved. Baby girl coming April 2024🩷

comments:

bengals- A BABY BENGAL!!!

burrowsbae- I am SOBBING

nfl- Congratulations!

joeyb_9- 🩷🩷

robinburrow- SO excited to meet her!!!!❤️❤️❤️

itsmemacee- Can't wait to spoil this sweet babe🥰

joeburrowfan- NOOOO. That's enough social media for me today.

erinandrews- This is so exciting!! Cannot wait to meet her😍

y/njoestan- I CALLED IT. SO HAPPY FOR YOU GUYS😭❤️

shiestysbae-i need like four margs and five business days to recover from this news

traviskelce- Congrats y'all!

lahjay10_- Welcome to the daddy club Joey B

jblova- @lahjay10_ Joe's always been in the daddy club wym

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December 12, 2023

@yourusername instagram story

story replies:

itsmemacee reposted second slide:

itsmemacee- cant wait to see baby girl in those outfits!!🥹

y/njoestan reposted first slide:

y/njoestan- omg the bump😭

jb9lover reposted first slide:

jb9lover- I CANT. this is too cute.

January 10, 2024

@yourusername instagram story

story replies:

joeyb_9 reposted story

joeyb_9- I’ve yet to feel her kick

bengalsbabe reposted story

joebrrr reposted story

joebrrr- this is so cute wtf

yourinstagram reposted joeyb_9 story

yourinstagram- she’s just a lil shy

February 14, 2024

liked by samhubbard, yourusername, and 500,009 others

tagged: @yourusername

joeyb_9- Best Valentine's Day yet.

comments:

yourusername- The perfect day. I love you sooo much❤️

burrowsbae- Joe posting on V-day? Y/n must feel so special rn

bengals- Happy Valentine's Dey!

samhubbard- Enjoy your day with the girls, Joe!

shiestysbae- sometimes i forget she's pregnant lol

body_by_hollyyy- Joe🥹 This is SO CUTE😭🩷

joeyb-9- @yourusername ❤️

robinburrow- Miss you three!❤️❤️❤️ (and Bean)

yourmomsusername- Y/n/n, you are glowing!! Miss you sweetie. Happy Valentine's Day to you and Y/n!❤️

alisonkuch- I've haven't been this excited for a baby to be born since ours. Our babies will be besties🤍

teehiggins- Counting down the days...

loganwilsonlb- @teehiggins We all are. So impatient to meet her

emhubbard- @yourusername I think these guys are more excited to meet this baby than you and Joe😂🩷

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February 22, 2024

@yourusername instagram story

story replies:

joeyb_9 reposted story

joeyb_9- ❤️

y/nandjoeupdates reposted story

y/nandjoeupdates- Joe and Y/n saw their girl today!🥰

labjay10_ reposted story

lahjay10_- @joeyb_9 girl already looks like you

March 10, 2024

liked by emhubbard, body_by_hollyyy and 204,119 others

yourusername- My heart is so full. Had the best day celebrating Baby Burrow with the best people. She is already so loved!🩷

comments:

emhubbard- Such a fun day!

itsmemacee- So fun celebrating you and the little lady🩷 You’re going to be the best mama!

robinburrow- We’re ready for you baby girl!!!!❤️

burrow.updates- Looks like a fun day, Y/n! Where’s Joe?

body_by_hollyyy- Literally the BEST day!!! Can’t wait to meet the sweet little lady!!🥹🩷

joeyb_9- She’s already so spoiled.

cincystyles- Beautiful baby shower, Y/n! Hope you enjoyed the clothes we sent for your sweet girl🩷

brittwill- So cute!!

samhubbard- While y’all were having fun…the rest of us were putting a nursery together. She’s already got all of us wrapped around her finger!

yourusername- @samhubbard @loganwilsonlb @teehiggins @lahjay10_ thanks for helping Joe!😉

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April 17, 2024

@yourusername instagram story

story replies have been turned off

April 24, 2024

@joeyb_9 instagram story

story replies:

joeburrow9fan reposted story

joeburrow9fan- Baby Burrow is here AND Joe and Y/n are engaged!! Congratulations🎉

yourusername reposted first slide

yourusername- My little family❤️

bengals.updates reposted story

bengals.updates- Joe is a dad AND he’s engaged! So happy for these two.

April 28, 2024

liked by loganwilsonlb, nfl, and 900,000 others

tagged: @yourusername @joeyb_9

yourusername and joeyb_9- Josie Lee Burrow🤍 04/24/24

comments:

robinburrow- My beautiful granddaughter!! We love you Josie🩷

bengals- Welcome to the Jungle, Josie!🐯❤️

loganwilsonlb- Congrats guys! She’s beautiful.

itsmemacee- She is the sweetest!!! Congratulations you two!❤️

emhubbard- Josie girl! Cant wait to meet her❤️

shiestysbae- SHES SO CUTE

jb9lova- SOBBING. Congratulations!!!🥹

heykayadams- What a cutie!!

nbsmallerbear- Congrats Joe and Y/n!

lsufootball- Congrats! (and Geaux Tigers)🐯🩷

lahjay10_- I can't believe ur a daddy @joeyb_9

patrickmahomes- Congrats!❤️

body_by_hollyyy- JOSIE LEE!!😭🩷 She is TOO cute, congratulations guys!!🥹

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May 1, 2024

@yourusername Instagram story

story replies:

bengalsbabe reposted story

bengalsbabe- I just KNOW the tumblr girlies are losing it rn over this pic

joeyb_9 reposted story

joeyb_9- How I'm spending my off-season...❤️

May 4, 2024

liked by bengals, yourusername, and 455,090 others

tagged: @yourusername

joeyb_9- My girls (not pictured: Bean, who is also included in that).

comments:

yourusername- We love you so much Joe❤️

joeburrowfan- look at those little blue eyes🥹

susieevans- So sweet!

beanburrow- Mom and baby sister🥹

bengals- Best girl dad🩷

carolthelandlord- I remember when the two of you came to my office and begged for me to do something about your lease...you hated each other for a while LOL. It makes my heart so happy seeing the two of you together with a baby❤️ cray how much changes in a year!

robinburrow- Such beautiful girls! You are one lucky guy, Joe❤️

christenharper- My heart🤍

itsmemacee- I don't think I've ever been so happy for two people! You, Y/n, and Josie are the perfect little family🥰

bengalsbabe- I am so happy for them. Joe deserves this so much

joeyb_9- @yourusername and I love you and Josie

joeburrowupdates- And they lived happily ever after...😉

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hey loves!

i wanted to do this as an epilogue instead of a written chapter. i thought it would be sweet! plus, i had some anons ask for a couple more instagram posts before i finished the series :)

so, it’s official, welcome to the jungle is COMPLETE!!

if some people are interested, I may write some little imagines to go along with this series! like instagram posts, written imagines--from any timeline in this series. so if you have an idea for a little imagine post Josie or something for when Joe and Y/n were still roommates, i'll happily write it ;)

i already wrote the long thank you paragraph in the previous chapter, so i’ll save your time. but i just want to say thank you again. thank you so much for all of the love, support and encouragement you all have given me as i wrote this series. it was a blast and i’m so glad you all enjoyed it as much as i did!🤍🤍

tags: @jackharlow @ilovejoeburroww @dandelionwrites8 @ijustcrypretty @sinners-98-world @a-moment-captured @stainednailpolishremover @spooky-stoner @xoxokiaraaxoxo @kkrenae @hallecarey1 @jordyn14

[ukrfeminism]

‘What’s the worst that can happen?” That is what Georgia Harrison asked herself one Sunday morning in August 2020 when Stephen Bear, who lived opposite, invited her over for a cup of tea. They knew each other through the reality television and influencer circuits. She had been on The Only Way Is Essex (Towie) and Love Island; he had done Shipwrecked, Ex on the Beach, then won Celebrity Big Brother. They had hooked up before and he hadn’t treated her well.

“We’d been in lockdown and I was definitely quite lonely, feeling quite rubbish about myself,” says Harrison, 28. “I knew that going to Bear’s was a bad idea – there were two voices in my head. In the end, I thought: what’s the worst that could happen? Well, now we know.”

What happened was this: the morning cup of tea stretched into a long lunch washed down by tequila, followed by drunken sex in Bear’s back garden. The sex was different from how it had been in the past – more performative, with Bear carefully positioning Harrison in various locations. “It was more dramatic and lasted longer,” says Harrison. “I just thought he was having a good day.” Afterwards, to Harrison’s horror, Bear mentioned casually that it might have been caught on his CCTV system. When he showed her the footage and she began to cry (“I’ll die if anyone sees it,” she said), he promised to delete the video. Instead, three months later, Bear posted the footage on his verified Only Fans account. Within days, it was all over the internet, including the website Pornhub. “Georgia Harrison sex tape” had become a top search on Google.

Harrison found out when a fan in the US sent her a screenshot asking: “Have you seen this?” Her reaction was to gag. But she picked herself up and went to the police. Bear was arrested, charged and convicted. In March 2023, he was sentenced to 21 months in prison for voyeurism and sharing private sexual photographs and films with intent to cause distress. Now, she has written a memoir about it, Taking Back My Power.

It is hard to overstate the impact of this case. Most victims of intimate image abuse never report the crime. They are teenagers too terrified of their parents’ reactions, professionals who fear for their careers, parents who don’t want their children or partner to know, or anyone else who can’t face walking into a police station armed with a link to Pornhub. Of those who do come forward, only about 4% will ever see a charge; a prison sentence is rarer still.

Bear’s case – on the news, in headlines, all over social media – sent a message of hope to victims of this sort of abuse and a warning shot to potential perpetrators. There was a 56% rise in calls to the government’s “revenge porn” helpline in the month he was sentenced. Harrison didn’t stop there, though. She lobbied parliament to demand better laws around “revenge porn” and helped to secure amendments to the online safety bill that make the crime easier to prosecute. She is still campaigning for platforms that carry the footage of her and Bear to be held criminally accountable.

It is certainly not the life or career she had in mind when she left school at 16, the only child of a single mother, already intent on reality TV stardom. “I grew up in Essex and a lot of my friends were on Towie, so that’s what I wanted to reach for,” she says. “It was the idea of literally getting paid for doing photoshoots, partying and having some fun in all these mad countries and bars.” At 19, she did get on Towie; a few years later, she was on Love Island. She built a career as an influencer and was able to buy a flat in Essex at 21. Was it all she had hoped for? “Actually, it was even better,” she says.

Although she and Bear were neighbours, Harrison didn’t get to know him until October 2018, when they were cast in The Challenge, an MTV reality show. By then, the former roofer had built a TV reputation as a bit of a player, a “lovable rogue”. They got together during filming, but when the show finished, Bear went back to womanising. Shortly afterwards, they starred in the sequel and got together again. This time, though, Harrison says, he locked her out of their hotel room to sleep with someone else.

The next time Harrison saw Bear was in August 2020, when he invited her over for that cup of tea and secretly filmed them having sex. Afterwards, she felt certain he had planned it. “We’d been in every angle that his CCTV covered,” she says. “He’d made sure we were never outside the lines.” Even so, she didn’t see what lay ahead. “I was really upset and he seemed to understand. I never for a second thought he’d be stupid enough to send it to people. I hoped he had some form of respect for me, but I also thought he wouldn’t want to ruin his entire career or end up in prison. I just didn’t think he was capable of what he was capable of.”

In the days after, Harrison messaged Bear asking him to promise he wouldn’t do anything with the video. He assured her that he had deleted it. It was December when she received the screenshot from a fan in the US. “That’s when I knew it was global,” she says. “One of my first thoughts was: it’s time to tell my family. My mum knew already, but I needed to have the conversations with my dad, my uncle – the male figures, I guess – so they knew it was coming.” In fact, her uncle knew already; he had been sent the video by someone who didn’t realise Harrison was his niece. “They were all horrified, but supportive,” she says. “I was an adult having sex – they told me I’d done nothing to be ashamed of.”

She knew that, but shame still hit in waves. “It went so horrifically viral; my postman’s probably seen it,” she says. “It’s that feeling that I’d let myself down, let my family down, that I should have seen it coming and how could I have been so stupid?” Her influencer work went into freefall. Any post on any product would be flooded with comments about the video (“Congrats hon, you’re a porn star now!”). “There were so many other influencers – same amount of followers, been on Love Island, same calibre – who didn’t have a sex scandal. Why put me next to their brand?” She rented out her flat – for income and because she was terrified of seeing Bear – and moved in with her mum.

“I don’t think I’ve admitted to myself how bad my anxiety was until now,” she says. “I wouldn’t be able to go to the gym on my own, or I’d get in and feel everyone was looking at me and have to leave. I barely left the house and when I did it was really hard not to panic. It got to the point where I only wanted to be around my closest friends.”

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Harrison reported Bear, who was arrested in January 2021 and charged four months later. There was an 18-month wait for the trial. Harrison’s life was on hold. She knew she had a strong case – she had been filmed without her knowledge and had sent multiple messages to Bear begging him not to share it – but she dreaded a “not guilty” verdict. The Bear she knew, the Bear who had won Celebrity Big Brother, was a charmer. He could win hearts, talk you round.

“If he was found not guilty, I think I would have had to shave my head and move to Bolivia or something,” she says. “The career I love would have been over – that’s definite. But aside from that, my faith in the universe would have been so shattered. It would have drained all the hope and faith and love and life out of me. To see someone act in such an awful, evil, manipulative way and then walk away … I felt it might just ruin me – and it seemed possible. Bear could play things so brilliantly. I don’t know why he decided not to.”

Bear’s behaviour before and during the trial probably sealed his sentence. He uploaded X-rated videos of him and his girlfriend to the internet, captioning one: “At least she knows I’m filming her.” In another video posted just before the trial, the couple cavorted in orange prison jumpsuits. He ran a Twitter poll on what colour of suit he should wear to court – and turned up in a rented Rolls-Royce, dressed in pink and a huge fur coat, carrying a cane topped with a gold snake’s head. In court, he interrupted the judge and waved away the barrister. He pleaded not guilty, but his defence was nonsensical. At times, he claimed that Harrison wasn’t the woman in the video, or that she didn’t mind it being filmed, or that there was no proof that he had uploaded the images – it might have been his assistant, it could have been a hacker.

Had he pleaded guilty and expressed remorse, he would almost certainly have been handed a community sentence. Harrison still can’t understand it. “The Bear I first met was funny and cheeky, but also really charming – he could be kind,” she says. “That person in court seemed possessed. I feel like every show he went on, he was praised for being ‘the villain’ – and the worse he was, the more attention he got. At some point, the lines blurred. That role took over.” A reality TV monster? “That’s how it seemed.”

Giving evidence was excruciating for Harrison. She sat in the witness box as the jury (nine men, three women) looked through pages and pages of video stills, having to confirm that each one featured her. “I could tell the jury was absolutely cringing,” she says. “I was in a private garden in a private moment that I thought was between me and one other person. To know people have seen it is hard. To see people seeing it while they can see you is harder.

“As someone in the public eye, used to public speaking, it was still hard to get my words out. You don’t know where to look, who to talk to. You feel you’ve done something wrong when you haven’t. I dread to think what it’s like for a vulnerable young woman who isn’t used to addressing a room. I think it would be near enough impossible.” She hopes her case might make it a little easier. “Women come up to me all the time, crying, saying they’ve been through this horrible situation and never spoken to anyone about it before. They message me on a daily basis. Intimate-image abuse happens so much more than people think.”

After the trial, Harrison continued campaigning, initially to make cases easier to prosecute. At present, the sharing of intimate images without consent is not illegal – unless done “with intent to cause distress”, however hard that is to prove. In June, the government announced amendments to the online safety bill that will remove this requirement if the law is passed. This will mean that sharing intimate images without consent, whatever the motive, would become a criminal act.

But Harrison wants more.

“If you go to court for this and get a criminal conviction, that content should become illegal and any platforms that still show it and fail to take it down should become criminally accountable,” she says. “It’s crazy. If someone gets caught with drugs, those drugs are seized and disposed of. Why should this footage stay up there? A change like that isn’t hard to make and it would make a huge difference. Far more victims would come forward, because they’d know it will be possible to make all that footage disappear at the end.”

The video of Harrison and Bear is still out there. “I worry that one day I’ll have kids and it will be accessible to them,” she says. “I just hope that by that time, society may have got on top of this and it will be too risky and expensive for platforms to carry it.” She expects that finding a partner she trusts will take time. “As I get to the point where I am trying to have relationships, I’ve realised that I do have trust issues, but that’s not a bad thing. I’ve been burned so badly. I won’t accept anything that might be a red flag or makes me feel vulnerable. If someone really cares about me, they’ll just have to help me get past that.”

Meanwhile, she is busy again. There is a TV show coming up that she can’t talk about yet. The brands are back. Harrison has written Taking Back My Power. She would like to present daytime TV: “You literally get paid to have a natter!” She is also happy to be known for the court case. “I’ll never, ever lose the stigma of being all over those porn platforms,” she says. “But if I’m known as the person who stood up and fought back – I’d be proud of that.”

[a-french-coconut]

Travis Stoll (Part 11)

Ringing.

His ears hurt.

Constant buzzing.

His whole body hurt.

What happened ?

Fire, flower, monsters

Connor

"Oh no, no, no, no, no, no !"

He limps toward the explosion site, now covered in the Keres’ ashes.

“Gods, no, no, no,” he pleads as he frantically search the flower, “please be intact, please be intact.”

Nothing but grains of dust and rocks meet his hands.

The flower is gone, destroyed by his stupid actions.

What was he thinking, pulling out a fucking grenade ?

He’s the dumbest demigod to have ever existed, the worst thinker in critical situations.

He’s the one who just killed his brother because he is the most useless big brother to ever live.

Sobs wreak his body, as he cries alone in the dark tunnel.

I’m sorry Connie, I’m so fucking sorry

He won’t even make it to his side to accompany him.

He should have stayed with Connor, never leave his side.

You would have been regretful says Mind Clovis.

And now I’m remorseful , he snaps at him, tell me O Wise One which one is better ?

Mind Clovis doesn’t answer.

“Mister ?”

For a second, he thinks that Clovis have somewhat become real but then he notices the ghost next to him, looking at him curiously.

And screams in higher notes than he is used to.

He scrambles away from the ghost, who seems a little concerned but otherwise makes no move to attack him.

A friendly ghost then.

He can work with that.

“Hey buddy, hum, what’s up ?”

The ghost, a young boy with wide eyes, looks at him with wonder.

“Why were you crying, Mister ?”, he asks tilting his head.

“You can call me Travis, and I-“ he gulps, tears gathering in his eyes” I just lost something very precious to me.”

“Oh ! I can help you find it.” The little boy says happily, “what have you lost ?”

His eagerness to help makes Travis smile sadly.

“A flower but don’t bother looking, it’s gone.”

“Oh,” his enthusiasm diminishing, “can’t you find another one”

“Don’t think so, buddy. It was a one chance thing and I blew it, quite literally.”

“I’m sorry for you Mister Travis, were you going to offer it to someone ?”

“Yeah,” his voice breaks, “to someone I love more than life itself.”

“Do you think that they would like green shining rocks ?”

“Ergh, I don’t think so ? He’s not really the type. Why do you ask ?”

“Because there are some pretty rocks over there Mister Travis.” The little boy points towards the entrance of the tunnel and indeed, something green glints in the darkness.

Bright, strong, exhilarating hope grows in his heart, a fire rekindled and soaring high.

He forces it down, suffocates, drowns it with all his will.

There is not need to climb if the only thing awaiting him is the fall.

But as he gets closer, he sees the rocks more clearly and he can see their shape.

Small, fragile petals.

When he picks up the miraculously intact flower, tears of joy fall and he laughs, a strangled sound echoing in the tunnel.

“Will he like them ?” The ghost asks timidly.

“Yes, yes he will love them ! Thank you buddy, thank you a lot.”

His smile earnestly at him, eyes still shining from the tears but also from relief.

He can still save his brother.

“I have to go, but it was nice meeting you buddy, hope you get a good afterlife.”

“Oh I’ve already been judged ! I work at the palace.”

“Why are you here then ? It’s a little far from the castle.”

“My Queen send me, said she heard a very loud noise and ask me to investigate.”

“Tell your Queen to expect sacrifices for the three next months and every March 14th. I really have to go now.”

He carefully tucks the flower in his backpack, if she survived an explosion she can takes a few hits, and bids goodbye to the young boy.

“Farewell Mister Travis !” The little boy waved at him before vanishing in a cloud of blue smoke.

When Travis finally steps under the sun again, after a terrible interpretation of “Staying Alive” to open the door, he rushes to the nearest store to grab a newspaper.

May 25th.

He left Camp May 24th.

“Hi sir, yes sorry, could you tell me what time is it ? Half past five, okay thank you, have a nice evening.”

He’s got until midnight to heal Connor.

It’s a six hours trip from here to Camp, which means he’ll arrive around ten.

He is going to make it.

Connor will love and he will hug him before yelling at him about going out alone in the woods.

Everything will go back to normal, everything will be fine.

Connor still got a chance guys !!!!

Hehehehe, I guess we have to wait to see if he ultimately makes it through…

[alatariel-gildaen]

I am not doing well.

At all.

Yesterday was my birthday. I turned 42. I live at house number 42. As a life-long Hitchhiker's Guide fan, this is a birthday I've looked forward to for years (for my brother's 42nd a couple of years ago, I bought him a bowl of jet-black petunias, with a whale toy nestled amongst them. I was wondering how he would top it) but I cancelled my birthday this year.

Last year, my family drove down to visit us. My side of the family isn't large. Both sets of grandparents are dead, my mum was an only child, my dad's brother - who never had kids of his own - died when I was about 4. My brother is single and doesn't want kids or a partner. So my side of the family is me, my parents, my brother.

And we're close.

So yeah... they drove down to see me for my birthday. They stayed a couple of nights. They were going to leave shortly after breakfast on the morning of March 16th, but I persuaded them to stay just a little longer. To come with us to soft play, and then go after lunch.

They left mine at about 2pm. My little boy gets very distressed when people leave, so they had to sneak out (hence why they were originally going to leave after breakfast, straight from the hotel, so they didn't upset him.) As predicted, he got upset, and I texted mum. She answered straight away.

Anyway. She always gives me updates when she's on the road.

"We've just crossed the bridge. We're stuck in traffic. We've stopped for a coffee." And after an hour and three quarters, when I hadn't heard from her, I sent her a WhatsApp asking how they were getting on, then carried on playing with my 4 year old.

An hour later, I realised she hadn't replied. I checked my phone - the WhatsApp had been delivered but not opened. I didn't think anything of it immediately. Then half an hour after that, I saw that I'd forgotten to give mum her mother's day present, and messaged her again.

About another half hour after that message I realised what the time was, and started to worry. They ahould have been home, and still none of my WhatsApps had been opened. I called her. It rang and rang, with no answer. I tried my brother's phone. The same happened. I called Dad. Same again. I called and called and called, and by now panic was setting in.

So I began looking online for traffic updates. Any reason at all why they may be held up, unable to answer their phones. I saw that there had been an accident on the M25 around the time they were due to get there, and obviously my mind jumped to the worst. But the more I looked into that accident, it didn't seem to fit. Traffic reports said it involved a van and a lorry, and besides, if they were held up in traffic, they'd still be answering their phones, surely?

I looked at google maps, and the a21 looked completely blocked. Dark red for miles. I went on a local "what's happening" facebook group and there were several posts saying the same thing. Avoid the A21. Serious head-on collision. A stolen car being chased by police had ploughed into a white Audi, with three passengers. Two elderly. Judging by the suitcases, they'd been or were going on holiday.

I cannot begin to explain the horror of reading that. We began calling every single hospital we could think of, trying to track them down, and finally found them in Brighton. My mother-in-law raced over to us. The plan was that she would take me, my husband, and my son over to my sister-in-law's (which was on route) drop my son off there, then take me and my husband to hospital.

Just as my MIL arrived, the police turned up to tell me there had been an accident. I think they were very confused that I seemed to know more about it already than they did.

Anyway. The next 2 months were literal hell. My dad was in a coma, and at 80 years old, was walking a knife's edge between life and death. His list of injuries was extensive. From top to bottom, he had a broken shoulder blade, broken collarbone, every single bone in his right arm was broken, his elbow completely shattered, he had 5 broken ribs, his spine was fractured in two places, his pelvis was shatterd, his femur broken. One lung was punctured and collapsed, he had internal bleeding into stomach, his renal artery was damaged.

My mum and brother fared better. My brother had quite severe concussion and extensive bruising, but nothing else, my mum also had bruising and a small tear in her liver, but they were otherwise conscious.

After a week, both my mum and brother were discharged from hospital. We found a 2nd hand mattress that we set up in our living room, so that me, my husband, and my son could sleep in there, my brother taking my son's room, and my mum taking ours until dad could come home.

And he seemed to be miraculously improving.

But after a week, we received a phone call at around 3am. Dad had taken a turn for the worse. His heart had stopped twice, and they had made the decision to not resuscitate should it happen again. We should get to the hospital to say goodbye. We were told it wasn't a matter of 'if' but 'when.'

We stayed by his side for 36 hours, telling him stories. Remembering happy memories. And after those 36 hours, I remember the doctor's exact words. "I don't understand what miracle has happened here, but I think you are safe to go home."

My dad is a miracle. He improved. He woke up. 6 weeks later, he was well enough to be moved to a hospital closer to home.

But the trauma of those two months will always stay with me. I can no longer celebrate my birthday because the association and guilt that I was the one who made them stay later, and it was because of me that they were there in the first place, are too intertwined. I have been officially diagnosed with suffering from PTSD as a result of it. Yesterday was awful, but I know tomorrow will be even worse.

Tell your loved ones that you love them. I am fortunate to still be able to do so, but that can be taken away from us in a heartbeat

[skylermadness]

A Minute in March (Ricky Matsui TF/MC)

(Original Date of Upload: March 31, 2022)

Original Description:

Say hello to the very first Dimension 20 TF in the world (probably)! This is a very long story I wrote alongside a friend of mine and I am so happy to finally share this! Ricky is honestly such a great character and to bring forth TF into him is something I am proud to do, especially something that ended up being 16 pages long in the end. This was definitely meant to be a silly thing since Ricky is frequently called Mr. March in the series, so I thought why not write a TF into him in March! I spent the past three months watching Dimension 20 and honestly it has been one of the best experiences I've had in a while! It is SUCH a great series and I fully recommend others watch it! Special thanks to my best friend for all the help editing this! They spent a lot of time doing so and I thank them so much...

   New York City.

   The Big Apple.

   A massive, metropolitan cityscape, home to towering skyscrapers, landmarks and monuments of all kinds, and a bustling population of over 8 million people- a city that never, ever sleeps. 

   Though, if we were here to go over every single one of them and what their deal was, we’d be here all day, amirite?

   We zoom in and find ourselves deep underground- this subway station is a crowded one, choked with people on their morning commute to work, just the same as our target… there. 

   Aaron Pearce, a man in his early 30s, wearing a dress shirt and tie, only slightly stained slacks, and a pair of loafers. He had been living in New York City for roughly a month at this point, having been sent here on a business trip by his company. It was a bit… jarring, at first, especially after having lived in a suburb for most of his life on the other side of the country- getting used to a life in the city where he’d see more people in a single day than he’d seen in his entire life up to that point could be uncomfortable at best, and downright suffocating at worst when he took the time to think about it. 

   But he’d settled down, for the most part. Gotten used to it as the weeks went on. He didn’t have the time to dwell on it, anyway- and honestly, who did, in this city? He had work to do.

   Suitcase in one hand, half-eaten bacon egg and cheese bagel in another, and phone squashed precariously between his ear, chin, and shoulder, half wishing he had an extra hand to keep the darn thing from falling to the ground and cracking again. Aaron’s eyes wander listlessly across the crowd of New Yorkers sprawled out across the subway, waiting for one subway line or another. Just like he was. …And that meant he was a New Yorker himself, didn’t it?

   Well… he wished it felt that way, at least.

   Aaron hastily swallowed another bite of his bagel to promptly respond to the co-worker on the other end of the call, who had just posed a question with the natural expectation for an answer. 

   “Yeah, I’ve got everything ready for the presentation today.” He mentally ran through the list of what he had planned for said presentation at work, then while he’s at it, jumped to another project he was working on, also for work. A moment later between the call and more bites of his bagel, Aaron idly looked down at his watch, and sighed. “Do these trains ever come on time?” A soft chuckle escaped his chest as he asked. He already knew the answer.

   “Not a chance- it’s a miracle we barely even get to work on time at all!” his co-worker, Marshall- also in New York on the same trip- laughs from the other end of the line.

   “Yeah- though, I could swear it’s never too late, y’know? Honestly, it sort of has it’s charm like that- at least its inconvenience is consistent, right?”

   “Sure seems that way. Personally, I genuinely believe it’d take nothing short of a literal act of magic to get these things to work on time.”

   Aaron rolled his eyes, a smile finding its way onto his face. “Yeah, and your taxis are so much better.”

   “Hm, sounds like someone’s jealous they didn’t integrate well enough to figure out how to taxi like a normal person.”

   Aaron shoved the last bit of his bagel in his mouth when the conversation lulled, letting his gaze drift over to follow the subway tracks and across all the waiting people. He found his own thoughts slowing as he chewed- a short moment of respite. That did not come often in his new routine. 

   Even rarer, did it come, when there was only a single thought on his mind.

   Shuffling his items around his now partially free arms to hold his phone properly again, Aaron swallowed his bagel quickly and spoke up, breaking the call's silence.

   "You ever think about living here… permanently? Outside the business trip, I mean."

   There was a short pause on the other end of the line, before Marshall answered him.

   "A little, yeah. I won't lie, there's a lot in this city that beats home hands down, but the public transit really stinks. Can't stand it."

   "Really? That's your only problem with this place?" Aaron snorted. He wondered if Marshall counted taxis as part of that judgment.

   "...I mean, pretty much? Why?"

   "I just think-" Aaron broke off and sighed. "I don't know… this is just such a nice place. Maybe it's the atmosphere, or the different weather from home, but- I just wish we didn't have to leave at the end of March."

   "You sure the paycheck bump isn't starting to get to you?" Marshall joked. "Come on, you know how much of a chokehold the company's got on our work shit. No chance they're letting us stay any more than we have to so they can drop our salaries back down again."

   Aaron blustered out a frustrated sigh. He knew that…

   "Please, I'm being serious."

   "Fine, fine, alright. …I wouldn't mind if I could stay living here for a bit longer either, I'll be honest. The food's great here, and my place is only a block away from the mall. That's walking distance! Crazy, right?" There's a sigh on the other end of the line. "I still don't think it's likely at all that the company would let either of us stay for longer- but hey, if it were to happen anywhere, it'd be here in the city of dreams now, wouldn't it?"

   There was no inflection in the end of Marshall's sentence outside the humor of an intended joke, but something about it had a feeling rising in Aaron's stomach that he couldn't parse. He opened his mouth to say something, but a sudden rushing of air and pressure and people announced to Aaron that his train had arrived, and snapped him out of that slight daze.

   "Oh, the sub's here, gotta go."

   “Well, if you want to hang up that much…”

   People started walking past Aaron towards the open subway cars, and he hastily gathered his work supplies to follow. 

   “I’m not going to be on my phone in the middle of public transit, that’s basic public manners.” Aaron shook his head as he approached the train. “I’ll see you at work today, but do you wanna meet up for coffee sometime later too?”

   “Sure, sounds good to me. Work’s got me by the wringer, but I’ll let you know when I’d be good to go. See ya at work, Pearce.”

   Aaron’s phone hung up without fanfare, but it left him with a slight pause before he moved further.

   “The city of dreams, huh…” he whispered to himself, feeling the weight of something he somehow knew he could hardly understand settle on his tongue. The thought did not leave his mind as he boarded the train.

                                        ----------------------------------------------------------

   The subway car was just as crowded as the station had been, as usual. People took their seats or stood when necessary, smooshed up next to each other or having others jutt into their personal space, but they all mostly kept to themselves, retreating into their own personal bubbles as best they could amidst the uncomfortable arrangements- more unspoken public transit manners. Aaron followed suit, hastily opening up his suitcase and laptop inside it to work. His eyes ran over a PowerPoint file he had open, that he had been working on for two weeks now- an important, critical asset, highly crucial for the growth of the company and the industry as a whole. 

   …Or so the daily emails asking about progress updates went on and on about, as if the mere assurance of the company’s benefit from all the work and polish Aaron put into this would make the process any less of a dull slog. It’d be over soon, though, he just had to check for edits one last time before he arrived at work.

   Aaron focused in on his laptop, too engrossed in his work to notice anything else that might have been happening, just as the rest of the passengers were. Not one of them noticed the near invisible wisps of something beginning to flicker through the air, trailing down the length of the subway car, gathering together with more and more wisps until they had become a swarm distorting the very air. Not a single passenger saw the little motes of motes of golden light, the same color as the sun shining through and between the city skyscrapers, floating past in the same direction, bobbing gently among the invisible current. 

   No one saw, and the movements of the passengers on the subway car began to slow, gently, gradually, before being left absolutely still. Aaron began to fall still in turn, his mind attributing the sensation of time passing strangely to one that occured whenever he was working hard on something, and his attention slipped off of it without a second thought. But before he could fall victim to this strange fate his fellow passengers seemed to have fallen into, however, a new feeling rose in his chest instead- his stomach jumped like he'd gone over a speed bump too fast. But wasn't he on the subway, not in a car? 

   The rising pressure in his chest blurred his vision, and he rubbed his eyes a little in reflex. His vision cleared just in time for another golden orb of light floating just past his eyes- that he could see.

   Aaron's eyes flew wide open with shock as his gaze shot around the subway car, taking in the glowing golden lights, the wispy distortions, even the almost absurd lack of reaction from the other passengers. 

   Aaron distractedly shut his suitcase and laptop, his excessively checked and double checked presentation the furthest thing from his mind. He stood up, and lurched a bit- the subway car was still moving, and he quickly adjusted himself before he lost balance. Looking around at the other passengers, Aaron realized- gradually, haltingly, as if he were in a dream- that the others were not moving at all, or even breathing… like they had been frozen in time.

   Aaron was not sure where the idea had come from, but it did made sense, in the moment. Something strange going on with time would certainly explain why a stop hadn't been called in so long.

   Aaron walked down the aisle hesitantly, yet firmly, the subway car once familiar, now liminal. He stood against the wispy current, feeling actual pressure pushing against him, like a particularly strong wind. 

   In response the sensation in his chest grew, then bubbled up, and he blinked and gasped aloud. Whatever dream-like state he had been in, and whether it had only began when he stepped onto the subway or it had lasted for his whole life up to this point, he was awake and aware and alive- there was fear, and trepidation, and apprehension, but carried anticipation among it all.

   He reached the head of the car and watched the motes of golden light with cautious eyes. By now the wispy current had caught enough golden light of the orbs in its wake and refracted it, scattering it around and almost seeming to bathe the car around him in a warm golden haze. His skin and work attire stood out among the gold, the lone figure moving in a frozen gold world. Just to check, he waved a hand in front of a passenger he was walking by, and did not receive an annoyed glare in return. 

   Aaron shuddered and let out a sigh. The liminality of the space was starting to get to him.

   “Keep it together, come on.” He clapped his hands on his face and looked back through the subway car one last time. His eyes ran over the golden haze, the very air rippling and distorting in consistent enough ways as the ocean tide would, the numerous passengers frozen to the spot mid-movement, and stepped through the door to the next car.

   Peering through the doorway, Aaron saw that this car was in much the same situation as the last, with time seeming to stand still for all but the tide and the subway cars themselves, still rushing through the dark. No one else experiencing the same phenomenon to talk with, as he'd silently hoped for. When asking himself what exactly had caused all of this, Aaron was truly at a loss. It could be all just a dream, that had been his first guess, or maybe some sort of work-stress induced hallucination, but it felt a bit all too real to be simply that, he knew he was just fooling himself trying to believe it wasn't… 

   But wasn't the only other alternative that this was all real?

   Aaron went cross eyed as something passed in his vision too close to his face, snapping him out of the train of thought. Another larger mote of light, among thousands of others the size of golden dust, gently carried by the invisible current down the line of subway cars. 

   "What… are you?" Aaron's voice was barely a whisper, as if he was worried he'd startle it away if he spoke too loud. The light only continued to bob in response, like some sort of drunken gnat.

   Whatever it was, Aaron was almost certain it was connected to the time stop. He didn't even know what they were, but curiosity was beginning to get the better of him. Aaron reached out, and closed his hand around it.

   In an instant, a scene so vivid and real he could have mistaken it for one of his own memories flashed before his eyes.

   The building was burning. Smoke choked the air and the flames snapped at him from all sides. A child was clinging to him as he bolted through the ember filled halls, the air laid thick with heat. He was forced to swerve and dodge as a charred beam of wood collapsed in front of him, but he stayed calm, he knew what he had to do. Something- what he had- he had to do to-

   Aaron gasped and stumbled back, a headache hitting him and forcing him to release his grip. The golden mote of light still hung there in the air, though almost seeming a bit more subdued, while Aaron reconfigured. "What… was that? It almost felt like…"

   He trailed off as his gaze caught on the orb of light again. His panic subsided as he gazed into the golden glow, and felt… compelled to touch it again. It wasn't finished yet, he somehow knew. Incomplete. 

   He took a few steps forward, and his heartrate quickened as he reached out a hand and grasped it once more.

   -He knew what he had to do to save the kid.

   How familiar the vision felt, how real the sensations of adrenaline and determination shooting through his veins while it played out, how foreign it should have felt but didn't even feel wrong that it had placed him in the first person perspective, it almost felt like…

   "…Like a memory…" Aaron breathed, letting it play out within his mind once more.

   His breathing quickened, and with each breath something began to settle within him. At first was the feeling of warmth- not scorching and ravaging, like the memory of fire had been- but a gentle warmth enveloping him, like someone bigger and stronger than him that he knew with a certainty would protect him no matter what was wrapping him up in a protective, caring hug. 

   Aaron somehow felt more comfortable and safe than he'd felt in the longest time- but his breathing didn't relax. His breaths instead began to deepen and strengthen, seeming to fill out his body as it began to grow. His frame expanded, shoulders broadening and shaped itself out into a sculpted, almost intoxicatingly masculine form. His shirt very quickly seemed to stretch taught under the pressure as his chest barreled out, and almost sent him doubling over. Pectorals inflated and solidified into thick slabs, together forming a massive shelf that hung over a set of hard abdominals pushing forward- all visible through his shirt, straining at the buttons.

   Still carefully drinking in everything the memory had to offer, Aaron absently reached up his free hand to loosen his tie, to the relief of his neck thickening to match the proportions of his new frame. The sleeves of his dress shirt began to tighten in turn, the delts and biceps and triceps swelling and further filling out the projected shape of masculinity his shoulders had established. His larger, stronger lungs began to find- not difficulty, but rather resistance, in the form of his dress shirt- now seeming almost comically small on his larger, powerful torso. 

   Aaron groaned and rubbed at a building headache, inadvertently releasing his grip on the mote of light and missing that it had completely disappeared from the space it had been in when he grasped it. He undid a button or two of his dress shirt- god, he could have sworn it felt fine this morning- and glanced around at the golden haze, even more of the bobbing golden motes of light drifted down the line, carried by the tide.

   "There's so many-" His throat went dry and closed up, he coughed a bit to clear it and tried again. "There's so many more of these little things, huh…" Wait- was that his voice? Did it sound different than before? It did sound different, didn't it- it was deeper, and there was an inflection in his voice that he couldn't place. 

   Aaron walked through the fog of gold and amidst more of those glowing golden lights, watching them closely. Part of him didn't want to bother with them further, they were most definitely related to what was happening to the other passengers. But that part was drowned out the more he thought about that memory, and how comfortable it had felt. It had been of an extremely dire situation, yes, but there had been an overwhelming sense of positivity and optimism emanating through the demeanor he held and the way he carried himself. Like he could save the day. Like everything was going to turn out alright. Like…

   "Nothing bad is ever going to happen to us…" Aaron whispered to himself, finishing the thought. In an instant, with reflexes he had not ever thought himself capable of before, he reached out his arm and his hand snapped shut around another mote of light floating lazily past him. His eyes widened at the sight of his new defined, muscled arm before he was swept up in another memory.

   Smoke. He could smell it on the wind, even just the faintest traces of it, miles and miles away from him and his jurisdiction. A series of scenes flashed soon thereafter, of dashing through the streets of New York, of diving into the freezing waters of the New York Bay, of swimming at what must have been nigh-superhuman speed- the ferry wasn't fast enough. All powered by that strong, ever present desire to help, and to save whoever was in danger, that simply permeated his everyday life. That sense of…

   Of…

   "…Civic duty…"

   Aaron's arms swelled further, bulkier and muscular, as the memory continued to play, accepting it as his own. The musculature of his arms was left rock solid and truly bulging out of the sleeves of his dress shirt. Strong enough for hugs, of course, and strong enough to protect. His hands followed suit shortly after, widening palms and thickening fingers to match his larger arms, and Aaron felt the power, his power, surge through them. The strength his upper body carried was very clearly not a brutish type- but rather, a kind one.

   More memories began to play- if Aaron could wrench his focus away from the visions playing in his mind, he'd see the motes of light gravitating towards him on their own, rather than aimlessly following the tide, bringing their own distinct memories- now his. As the lights began to coalesce, Aaron felt another feeling rise within him, like a light illuminating in his chest and coursing through his body, that shined the same gold as the dust around him. The light of warmth, comfort, civic responsibility and duty filled his body and mind, and he couldn’t help but relax as the light made its home in his mind. Had he been clenching his jaw so hard this whole time? Aaron rolled his broad shoulders and thick neck, smoothing out all the kinks that he’d been used to from hunching over a computer for work all day, and found his face slipping into a more relaxed grin. It was all of a sudden even harder to be worried about the “critical asset” that he needed to prepare for his work- he wanted to help people, more than anything, and the only thing the presentation would do would be helping the company. And the company wasn’t a person- so it just wasn’t as important to Aaron anymore, his priorities shifting with his demeanor as that civic light filled his mind. The train of thought made perfect sense to him.

   The memory of swimming through the New York Harbor returned, and in the memory… he reached the remains of a burnt down house, somewhere on an island that he’d smelled the smoke of miles away. Aaron recalled the details that came after- there were no casualties, thankfully, and the friend of his that had been living in the house had been safe elsewhere at the time of the fire-

   “Wait, I… no, that’s not right…” Aaron stepped back, laying a hand on his forehead and squeezing his eyes shut. The memories were foreign, of someone else’s life, the memories were his, they were real and he’d lived through them, the memories were changing his mind somehow, the memories were confirming who he was- thoughts swirling around in his mind almost made him dizzy. Rather unhelpfully, in that moment he registered that his body was largely different from before, to which all he could think to react with was slightly furrowing his brows and uttering, “That’s definitely not right either…”

   But something about it did feel right to him. All of his apprehension and fear when first approaching the lights had all but completely melted away, and he didn’t want to fear it either, anymore. He wanted to embrace it.

   He lifted up a hand, smiling a bit as he took note of just how big it was, and felt around his body a little- squeezing his wrist, then his arm, occasionally trailing a finger down the noticeable indents his arm muscles had carved into the sleeves of his poor dress shirt. His hand drew over to above his heart, where the warm feeling felt the strongest.

   Not because it was also where most of his massive pectorals were. Nor did he leave his hand resting on said pectorals for more than just a few moments. Nor did he play with them.

   Thankfully because of the spot Aaron left his hand, he felt his chest expanding further sooner than he would have otherwise, giving him enough time for his large hands to clumsily undo the rest of the dress shirt’s tiny buttons before disaster struck. And not a moment too soon- Aaron’s eyes widened in awe as his abdominal muscles chiseled out into a rippling 8-pack, and the shelf formed by his pectorals jutted out even further, reaching their peak- at least, the result of all the hard work and working out he’d taken to get there. He was almost tempted to flex, just to show off his gains- but given the state of his strained clothes, that likely wasn’t a good idea, for now. He took to tracing his fingers around more of his bodily muscles like he did with his arms, instead- and while it did feel a bit silly and self indulgent of Aaron, it also felt… fine. There was nothing wrong with showing off his body like this- even unprompted on the subway, though he himself did feel a bit guilty for it, this was New York- people have seen weirder. Hell, he’d seen weirder, even before he was inducted into the Unsleeping City. 

   But nonetheless, it was all starting to feel more right. It was starting to feel like him.

   It really was him.

   The conclusion seemed to unlock something within him, setting off another wave of changes- this time to his work attire rather than his body. The ever-faithful dress shirt still barely clinging to his body was finally allowed its rest, as it loosened and reached over his uncovered torso to hide it again- buttons disappearing and shirt halves joining together by themselves, shirt collar disappearing into a plain shirt neck, sleeves rolled up and turned to a clear blue hue while the torso of his shirt stayed a clean white- the new nice, casual t-shirt was still quite snug enough to be… pretty revealing.

   His tie undid itself and slithered down his shirt and through the belt loop holes of his slacks, though to his surprise it instead lost color and mass until it was nothing but a white string- the use of which became apparent as his pants changed next. Aaron’s nice slacks lightened from black to gray and the fabric softened to cottony material, becoming a comfortable, loose pair of sweatpants- with a white drawstring quickly tying itself into a knot at his waist. He found himself smiling softly as he shoved his hands into the pockets of his new sweatpants, reaching much deeper than the slacks could carry.

   The pair of loafers he wore were last to go- the slick, black cloth reshaping into something more useful, well-worn, comfortable. Aaron held out a foot to watch as the changes settled in, a roughness inlaid in the material, the laces tied messily, a tongue emerging from the top as they formed into a pair of black, yellow, and white sneakers, perfect for walking or running places easily, and safe for swim in water with. It’s good to be prepared, especially after an incident like last time.

   Aaron set his foot down and let out a content sigh. His pants and shoes felt a bit big, but he didn’t doubt that would be resolved soon. He glanced down the length of the subway car in both directions. Most of the little light orbs in this car were gone, having been attracted to the man almost magnetically and absorbed, but there were still some stragglers hanging back around toward the car he had come from. He nodded to himself, “Well, might as well finish cleaning up while I’m here.”

   The next few seconds could not pass quickly enough- he took step after step towards the door, and the motes of light began to draw closer to the man in return, eager to gather around him and be absorbed, in rapid succession than slow, one at a time, like they had before. 

   Memories played out again and again, but this time the man neither winced nor closed his eyes to think about them separately, consciously. Locations, people, contexts, so much was being given to him, the unfamiliar becoming natural, the strange suddenly making sense. It was a little headache inducing, but he wasn’t afraid. He knew he was going to like his new life… or rather, he liked his life, craziness and all. That was what he meant, right?

   While the floodgates were broken and memories poured in, the rest of his body made to fit the rest of what had already been changed. Each step he took, his leg muscles grew larger, thicker. Strong quads and hamstrings and bulging calves, perfect for running or bringing help to those who’d need him. His sweatpants seemed less and less loose as his legs grew- his glutes in particular growing to fill out his pants quite nicely. At the end of his legs his feet grew larger, filling out the sneakers properly with their size.

   One last sensation began to well up in the man’s large chest- one that he quickly recognized as his own magic aura of protection, emanating its calming presence as it always did- but for some reason, the man felt he could really feel its effects on himself, as if he hadn’t felt it for a while. He laid a hand on the door back to his old car, his eyes flicked back to the haze tinted gold. He didn’t need to activate his divine senses to recognize it as raw umbra bubbling up from the World of Dreaming again, like in the months leading up to Null’s attack on the city. But why was it here now…?

   Another deep breath, calm, warm. He could bring it up with the friend he was meeting up for tea with, if it struck the man as concerning enough. That’s where he was going that he decided to take the subway to travel to, right? It’d be nice to see them again, his friends’ names on the tip of his tongue.

   He let his eyes close and felt a bit of numbness run through his skull, as his facial structure reconstructed himself. His head grew a little larger and wider to fit the rest of his body proportions, jawline shifting into a handsome, masculine one. So many little touches, in his nose, his ears, his chin, preparing him for the man he was ready to become. His hair deepened to jet black, the style eagerly shifting from combed to short and messy, endearingly so.

   The signs of a lifelong New Yorker set deep into his face, his posture, his attitude. His old knowledge of the inner machinations of corporate enterprises faded into a network of important safety information. His suddenly renewed affinity for maintaining his personal fitness and helping others with their own brought a smile to his face as he pushed open the door.

   Ricky Matsui walked back into the subway car, back towards his seat.

   He couldn’t really remember why he’d gotten up in the first place, but those questions were pretty quickly dismissed when he saw the golden-tinted raw umbra still permeating the subway car, all the passengers still stuck in time. 

   …He wasn’t sure what to do about that, still. Whoops. Although- there was at least one noticeable difference that Ricky hadn’t noticed from before when he entered the car.

   Stumbling around down the aisle, knocking into time-frozen passengers and snarling at anyone they touched, was a werewolf. They had coarse, brown fur covering most of their body, and a thick mane of slightly more well groomed fur surrounding their head, though it had seen better days. Bits of fur poke out of holes from their denim jacket, undershirt, and severely torn up pants, though some may have been from intentional styling as such rather than accidents. They also seemed to be missing a shoe, revealing a large clawed paw.

   If the lack of reaction from any of the passengers were any indicator, the werewolf seemed pretty out of place. It could be another manifestation of anti-populi, which Ricky could dispatch here and now if that was the case… his eyes flicked over to his silver bat he’d left at the side of his seat. For one strange moment, the thought of swinging it like a club to attack someone almost seemed absurd and silly- before he blinked and remembered that’s how baseball bats were used in the first place. He shook away the strange thought and returned to the most pressing matter.

   It didn’t really seem likely that they had to do with anti-populi, though, since it seemed to be localized to just one person. Ricky sniffed the air with his enhanced sense of smell, and tasted the smell of alcohol coming from the creature’s muzzle. Poor guy must have been pretty drunk, and badly handling it- he might be the violent type, based on the way he was acting. But maybe if Ricky could just calm him down a little…

   Ricky cautiously trodded towards the seat the werewolf had collapsed into, and sat down in the open empty seat next to them, actually a few seats down from where he got up from. Throwing up Calm Emotions on top of his Aura of protection, he opened with a simple “Hey.”

   The creature’s eyes focused in on him from where they were darting around erratically. They growled for a moment, then sputtered in a guttural, yet vaguely Irish accent, “…hey.”

   “You, uh… doin’ alright?”

   They snarled instead of answering, and irritatedly scratched their arm, inadvertently adding a few more rips to their jacket.

   Ricky hummed. That was pretty stupid of him to ask. “What’s your name?”

   The werewolf practically scowled at him. “Jawbone. Jawbone O’Sss..” his speech slurred a little, “...ssh..shaughnessey.”

   “I’m Ricky Matsui,” Ricky reciprocated, giving his full name back, with a smile and a thumbs up. Something about the gesture tugged a bit of a smile on Jawbone’s muzzle, but he turned away and scratched himself some more, and harder. Ricky raised an eyebrow. “Do you want to talk about what’s got you, uh, real bummed?”

   “‘m drunk on a train, fer one thing,” Jawbone glanced around at the subway car and its frozen passengers. “Wrong train, too. I tried to get off before it started moving, but too many people got in the way and nobody even looks at me when I ask for directions. Nobody ‘til you now, anyway…”

   “Yeah. I think something weird is going on, on top of all that? In like, the magic kind of weird, I mean. Uh, you’re really scratching yourself a lot, are you good-”

   “Allergies.” Jawbone snapped, growling at the other passengers again, who remained blissfully unaware. “Apparently these arseholes don’t seem to know it’s polite to conceal their silver in public spaces!” Jawbone raised his voice through the sentence and spat out the last part.

   Ricky’s thoughts immediately jumped to his magic silver baseball bat and winced. 

   “Uhh, hold on-” Ricky leaned back over to his seat and knocked over his bat, and rolling it under the seat it was leaning against. Thankfully, that was the only thing he had brought with him on the subway. “Sorry about that, realized it was at least partly my fault-” Ricky startled a bit when Jawbone just seemed to start crying at the gesture. “Hey, hey, it’s okay!’

   “It… it really ain’t,” the werewolf choked out between sniffles, “This entire day has been utter shite. First I forgot to take my meds before heading to work, hoped I wouldn’t get sensory overload, got sensory overload, you know how it is. Didn’t bring any backup medication on me either, so I had to improvise and tried snorting some drugs I had on me to help, but didn’t- turns out something I thought was cocaine was actually something else I’d never even heard of before, that I’m not even sure was drugs! No idea how I got to this place, I don’t know where the hell I am, and as best I can gather I’m not even on a train bound for out of the city!” Jawbone began pouring out, Ricky doing his best to support Jawbone physically before he collapsed from a stroke, or something.

   Ricky rubbed Jawbone’s shoulder, and when he didn’t resist, brought him closer into a consoling hug. “I’m sorry, that sounds really messed up.”

   “Ricky, you’re… the only person who’s actually noticed me and talked to me this… entire time,” Jawbone sniffled between hiccups.

   A soft, golden glow began to emanate from Ricky’s hand as he rubbed the werewolf’s shoulder. “Hey, I bet I could help you. I’ve lived in New York all my life, I’ve gotten the hang of the subways pretty well, I can help you get back on track, once we hit a stop and I, uh, know where we are at the moment.”

   The sniffling began to slow as not only Ricky’s calming, civic aura helped wash away Jawbone’s anxiety and fears, but even the mundane act of someone offering to help in his time of stress helped bring Jawbone back from the angry, hostile mess he’d been earlier. 

   “Yeah… yeah, I’d like that…” The werewolf looked up at Ricky’s face one more time, with a look in his eye that was likely meant to look different when not drunk and potentially high. “Gods, annyone ever tell ya yer hot as Ffffffffffffffuc-k?” Jawbone popped that last -k out loud in his mouth, then groaned to himself. “Uuuugh, ‘m usually way better at this, even when smashed, I swear…”

   Ricky laughed in spite of himself. “Sorry, I’ll have to ask my partner about it before we think of adding a third.” He’d give Jawbone the chance to make a better first impression than this encounter before he made any solid judgments himself, too. “But yeah, I do get recognized a lot as Mr. March from the Firefighters’ calendar. Or at least, the 2019 version…”

   The two of them sat there and talked for what felt like hours, Ricky talking about his friends, and Esther, and his time being a firefighter, and Jawbone told him about some wild and often drug filled escapades, rattling off lists of drugs so many drugs and the amazing partners he’d had in the past, surprising Ricky that Jawbone had apparently settled down and was a dad himself too- well, Ricky wasn’t one yet, but he would be one very soon- and gotten a job as a school guidance counselor. Jawbone hadn’t itched or scratched once, and Ricky’s aura seemed to really calm him down. He felt so calming, even talking to Ricky was a soothing experience.

   As time went on, or rather didn’t go on, it was a surprise for the both of them when the train sounded the soft ding that played before a stop was called. “Now arriving, Elmville Station.”

   Jawbone’s wolfish ears perked up. “Elmville… that should be my stop…”

   Ricky grinned and gave his shoulder a little shake. “Hey, that’s great! Maybe you weren’t on the wrong train after all.”

   “I uh… maybe.”

   Jawbone stood up, a little shakily, as the subway began to slow. The doors opened once fully stopped, and Jawbone made to walk over, but paused to give Ricky a wave of departure. Ricky beamed back at him and gave a wave back. With one last pang of warmth in his chest, Jawbone only slightly stumbled leaving the cars- onto a station platform that looked to have been built outdoors in the open air, that Ricky didn’t recognize. It almost looked more like a classic railway station than a subway stop.

   Ricky wasn’t given too much of a chance to dwell on it, though, as the doors closed and the subway began moving again. Ricky watched as the golden haze of raw umbra finally began to dissipate and the other passengers began to move again, continuing about their business as if nothing had ever happened. Ricky didn’t have any business to work on himself, he was just there for the ride to Pete’s tea shop-bookstore, but he was glad that everyone in the area was safe. 

   …There was a strange sense of finality that hung in the air, now that he was back in the waking world, but he couldn’t tell why or what for.

   He shrugged.

   “At least this would make a nice story to tell Cody.”

   As if on cue, the train dinged and Ricky’s stop was called. He didn’t know what that feeling meant, or what caused it, but somehow, he was almost certain it wasn’t a bad thing. A part of him that seemed to know better than he himself did seemed to prefer it, even. Whatever “it” was.

-----------------------------------------------------------

   “Dude, wait, so you’re telling me you saw a werewolf on the subway and he was just. Chill?”

   “Yep. I mean, no, he was pretty down on his luck, but he turned out alright when I helped him out.”

   “Dope… that’s got to be like, the coolest werewolf on a subway story I’ve ever heard. Even though I only knew of one other before this one.”

   Ricky was definitely right, Cody did end up hooked hearing about this experience of his.

   “Yeah, and he told me a lot of stories about doing crazy stuff while on a lot of drugs- some of which sounded made up, but like, I don't do drugs myself so I couldn't tell anyway."

   "That’s so cool, dude. So wait, like- if he was on the wrong line, you think he might've been from Jersey or something?"

   Ricky sighed. “Honestly, I hope not. I don’t think I could take Esther to go visit him if he was, even if I was sure I wanted to.” He shook his head. “But I dunno. Part of me was thinking it could have also been anti-populi, but it seemed a bit too localized for that. Maybe it’s just weird dream world stuff?”

   Their friend Pete arrived from nearby, pouring them refills of tea from his arcane focus teapot, which also served just delicious tea. “Might be- but I think it might have been part of something weird going on instead, I’ve been getting some weird vibes between the Waking and Dreaming worlds lately.”

   Cody looked at Pete in surprise. “Damn- you think it’s that serious?”

   Pete nodded. “I was gonna message the group about it earlier, but I was bit busy to do it until you reminded me just now, actually.” He pulled out his phone and started texting with one hand, preparing to close the shop with the other. “You guys up for checking it out today?”

   “Yeah, my shift at the Fairyland park ended an hour ago, so I’m good to go. You, Ricky?”

   “Yep, I’ll text Esther and let her know.”

   Even though they were only in the researching and planning stage, a glow of anticipation lit up in Ricky Matsui’s heart. The time to once again help and protect New York City from danger he could feel was fast approaching, and he could not wait to stand together with his fellow Heroes of New York to do so.

[anabon3s]

Starting a blog: AUGUST 23

My names Lottie, I’m 20 years old and as in my first post I’m new to tumblr but not 3D!!

(I’ll pin this post)

For tumblr legal purposes

I am not PRO A4A, AGAINST RECOVEY or FAT-PHOBIC!!!!

Read or don’t read, follow or don’t follow, scroll on or don’t scroll on. BUT please don’t report, PLEASE PLEASE!!!! BLOCK me if you don’t like what I feel the need to share. THIS IS WHO I AM and this is my only outlet to people who understand and feel how I feel with no judgment or hesitation to help me feel less alone in this dark and lonely illness.

About me 😊

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I am 20 and relapsing for the 100th time through this bumpy gravel road (not really but it’s been on and off). I first got diagnosed when I was 14 and have had the best ups and downs of my life so far on it. I hate being ana (life is fucked up on this road and really we all know it deep down) but weirdly it is the only comfort I have now… earlier on this year (feb/March it’s unclear even to me) I relapsed into the worst state I’ve been in since I first got diagnosed.

Because I was seeing a GP for an already existing health condition since I was 12yo, I got “caught” pretty early on. Little to my knowledge, not so lucky for me (or lucky, you choose) my GP was “specialised” in 3D’s… ffs 🤦‍♀️

Since my diagnosis (being a minor family got involved against my choices early on). My family have been so hit and miss with holding me accountable, sometimes nothing can slip through the cracks for weeks and others I feel like they just “forgot” , “gave up” or “just don’t give a fuck” for literally months… BUT they hold me accountable to going to my GP appointments REGULARLY no matter what my weight or physical/mental health is like at the time 🙄

STATS:

HEIGHT: 156cm (5.1ft)

SW: 59kg (130lbs)

CW: 40kg (88lbs)

GW: 34kg (75lbs)

I’ve been through the highs and the lows of this illness (physically, weight wise and emotionally) I promise, I understand pretty much all sides and angles of it, most likely I’ve been through them my self :(

This is the long way of saying, I am open to sharing my journey from here, it is a lonely, dark journey a lot of us have not voluntarily taken part of but are stuck in for an unknown chunk of time for our lives!!!

I am always open for messages, chats, rants, questions or friendships! Just shoot the text and I’ll reply :)

[gobbluthbutagirl]

sorry if this is weird but as someone who hates their hometown and wants to leave it's very inspiring to see your posts about hating south carolina/wanting to get back to la...gives me hope that one day i will also escape lol. anyway hope you're doing well i'm rooting for you from afar

thank you! not weird at all don’t worry! and you WILL escape one day i believe in you!

also i know you didn’t ask but number one piece of advice i can give for Getting The Hell Out is once you do Get The Hell Out do NOT compromise about where you live. if there is virtually nothing you like about an apartment do NOT move in there! you will NOT magically start liking it at a later date! and it’s one thing if you hate where you work because you don’t live at your job but if you hate where you live too? you’re pretty much screwed because that’s what you have to go home to every night. that’s the main thing i did wrong because i was kind of in a beggars can’t be choosers type situation(no credit score, no rental history, no current income and my last job in sc had paid me like $4 below what LA’s minimum wage was at the time) and i didn’t want to keep airbnb hopping, i wanted to start my life in la NOW so i moved into the first place that would take me and that place was an old ugly dirty tiny shithole studio with no oven and a one-legged florida man landlord named dave who still had a “stop the obama agenda” sticker from 2010 on his wall and it cost $1,425 a month. SAD!

and then the other big thing i did wrong was, because tipped workers in LA make the same minimum wage as non-tipped workers, i applied for retail jobs instead of serving jobs. and obviously it depends on where you’re trying to go because that’s kind of an LA-specific thing and if you move somewhere where tipped workers make $2.13 an hour it obviously does not matter nearly as much. but i could have been making waaaaaay more money that whole time had i not gotten so caught up in the triumphs and defeats, the epic highs and lows of World’s Worst Target.

but yeah. live and learn! and the great thing about the way it worked out for me(getting so fed up with that apartment that i decided to go back to my hometown temporarily instead of staying there for potentially 6+ more months while i found a new job and accumulated the 3 months of paystubs i’d need to move to another place) is i still have all the money i had managed to save up while working at target. which is enough that i can literally move back at any time. and i have a temporary “job” that i’m doing right now that will probably last until mid-september (it’s a process that i’d estimate is about 65% done currently) which coincidentally happens to be the “ideal” time to look for a job according to some guy buzzfeed wrote an article about who’s worked in hr for like 20 years. so probably september/october i’ll start doing some WFH customer service job and between january and march i’ll have been at that job long enough to have 3 months of paystubs and will therefore be able to move back to LA & into a non-shithole apartment. so ultimately at the end of the day i do believe it’ll all work out for me. And also that, as a wise episode of 30 rock once said, sometimes the way back up is down

[sehetep-shenwer]

Prayer story!!! (Long)

So about 8 months ago, I moved into an apartment in the town I went to college in back in 2019-21. To say it was a mistake would be an understatement, but I am thankful for the shit I learned along the way even if it was less than ideal.

In november 23, I got my first official full time job as a dishwasher at a hospital. It was fine for a few months but then became unbearable and stressful. I ultimately came to realize that this is not where I wanted to be, which led to me feeling angry and scared.

And so, I began the process of trying to find someone to cover my lease (it was the worst apartment I've ever lived in lmao), which essentially took the whole month of March to happen.

But how I was able to find someone was a miracle. I kept getting people that were interested but never really inquired further until one terrible day at work when my depression was talking shit.

I was in the elevator on the way to pick up more dirty trays and on the verge of a meltdown so I essentially begged and pleaded Neith to get me out of here and quite literally the second after, I got a text from the person that would ultimately cover my lease!

I couldn't be more thankful when I was finally able to get out of that garbage apartment. But there's another angle to this story too that I feel is important.

Even before this fiasco happened, back in 2022, I prayed to Bastet and Hathor for a potential romantic relationship before the end of 2023. Now this is something I've been striving for both practically and spiritually for five years, and when the end of 23 came I had thought They did not answer my prayers.

However, when 24 started, the more I worked my job, the more I became thankful my wish didn't come true because it helped me realize what was more important to focus on: taking control of my life and going down a new path.

Maybe Bastet and Hathor will answer my prayers one day when I least expect it, but when Neith helped me get out of my apartment, my desire for a romantic relationship dropped way down the priority list. And for that I'm thankful because now I was able to see what's actually important.

Tl;dr sometimes the Netjeru will help you rearrange your priorities by answering some prayers and leaving others unanswered!!!

[koala-confessions]

Introductions

I have always been an over achiever. A perfectionist if you will. Raised by a drug addict mother and an equally addicted but absent father, I was surprisingly well adjusted. I graduated at 16, became a supervising CNA before I was 18, got married, had a baby, got divorced, got married again, had 2 more, got divorced. Got into an awful abusive relationship where I literally fought for my life. Left him at 33.

I spent a whole year single and for the first time, learned who I was. What my hobbies were, my likes and dislikes, my own values and morals. At the end of that year, I was rewarded with David. I fell hard and fast for this beautiful man who taught me what love was. I found it. the secret to happiness and life. I was madly in love. Our relationship was so strong. There was only one thing stronger than our love for each other. His love for heroin. My healthiest, happiest relationship was with a heroin addict. In his chase for heroin and my chase to keep him safe from himself, I found myself doing things I'd never thought I would do. We stole with abandon. We took care of his addiction and our family at any cost. My morals fell away. I also fell in love with meth.

In my head, I was a functioning addict, we still took care of and spent time with the kids. We paid our bills, even if the money was dirty. We were in love. Crazy in love. I didn't need anyone else ever. As long as I had David.

We were married New Year's Eve 2020. I was just getting over COVID. It was the happiest day of my life. I don't recall all my vows but I know that I said, " I know that I have trouble deciding on everything, and it is a pet peeve of yours. That is why we are late to EVERYTHING and have dinner at 1 in the morning. But I have never, in my life, been more sure of anything, than that I want to spend it with you."

Those words still echo in my mind today. They echoed the loudest March 08, 2021 when he was gunned down by the police in front of my then 7 year old son while he screamed for his dad. It was all very public. My grief. He was villainized in the worst possible ways. Attacked on all ends. Reporters, ignorant people, filled my messenger inbox. Our wedding pictures stolen from my facebook, nothing was private, everything was on display.

A few days later I found his other love heroin. She comforted me for a long time. I also fell in love with the syringe. Then my morals fell away. My kids took a back burner. Everything took a backburner to the numbness I craved more than anything. Anything to escape the pain. Suicide, I tried twice. I fucked that up too. I watched as my humanity and my life, everything I was, everything I worked for fell away. The felonies built.

Fast forward 3 short years, I am a 4 time felon fresh out of jail on my last chance. I am fighting to get my kids back. Blessedly, they have loved me unconditionally through it all and I only lost them recently. They will be home in a few short months. I am in Las Vegas in a program called drug court. I was just released Valentine's Day 2024. I spent 110 days in the local jail CCDC fighting for this opportunity, to spare me from prison. It is said, CCDC stands for Cant Complete Drug Court instead of Clark County Detention Center, and the odds are certainly stacked against me. 6% of participants complete the rigorous program. I was released to Crossroads, a rehabilitation program and stay at Koala house, a transitional living where around 150 men and women also live although only about 15 of us are court ordered. I attend class 3 days a week, 3 hours a day. i have a judge I see weekly, I have a court coordinator I ask permission for everything, I attend meetings daily, I drug test randomly at ATI and have an ankle bracelet called SCRAM and an officer I have to alert of my movements. I have a probation officer and a therapist. I have a case manager and will soon start paralegal school and a job. I am not allowed to do anything or go anywhere that doesn't involve one of these things except for 3 hours Saturday morning when I am allowed to grocery shop. The program is not meant to be easy. It is meant to set you up for success, if you want it. You have to want it bad. I also have a sponsor and am working the steps.

I fast forwarded through my entire life which I am writing a book about. I want this blog to reflect the inner workings of my mind on my journey to healing, growth, insight and recovery. I don't care how many people read or don't, but for those that do maybe they will find insight or gain courage through my words. I want an ever lasting memory of this journey which may be my hardest one yet.

So, I will publicly post my inner most thoughts and struggles, my daily journaling. My insights on my path to self discovery and recovery. Here it goes.

[sureuncertainty]

vent post ahead, cw for discussion of covid, anxiety and morality based OCD:

so my covid symptoms have almost completely resolved (I just have a lingering cough at this point) but I'm still testing positive on a rapid test (with a really dark line) so I'm extremely stressed about going back to work in a few days AND about the fact that I'm going out with my family tonight and tomorrow for my siblings' last days here, bc of how much they've been pressuring me.

as for work, i literally cannot NOT go back in to work i've already lost so much money and they won't let me stay out anymore anyway because their rule is 5 days after your symptoms start you go back and just wear a mask. and obviously i'll wear a mask but like. i feel so horrible about it. and as for going out with my family, they spent hundreds of dollars to fly down here and I promised them i'd get them into the parks and spend time with them and they've already been pressuring me a lot to do that the past couple of days and I was able to put my foot down then bc I still had symptoms but now that my symptoms are basically gone they won't accept 'am still testing positive' as a valid reason to not go out. and I just can't have that argument with them, not after the week I've had

so i keep going back and forth between 'i'm the worst person in the world for going back to my life before i have a negative covid test' and 'it's not my fault that there is literally no guidance anymore particularly regarding the new variant and everyone else has decided they literally don't care and there is no protection or safeguards to ALLOW me to keep isolating past five days like I did last time I had covid

i want to do my part to protect others as best i can but i feel like I can't (or that I won't and this entire post is just me trying to justify my horrific decisions) and it makes me so so so upset, and it frustrates me how other people get to just go do whatever they want and it doesn't matter, but i'm sitting here sobbing bc i don't wanna infect people but i feel like i have no choice but to go back out and keep living my life, bc of how our society just doesn't care anymore

anyway my brain is being really really mean to me about it (thanks OCD!) but it's extremely hard not to believe my brain that i do deserve to feel like an absolute piece of human garbage for starting to go out again, even if I mask up with a kn95. i'm doing what I can but I feel like I should be doing more, I should be putting my foot down i should be accepting the fact that I won't be able to make rent this month (my job wont' pay me for the time out I already missed so I'm already gonna be super tight this month) I should have done more not to have gotten it in the first place, and yeah. just spiraling about it and i feel like I"m going to live with the horrific guilt of this for the rest of my lif

and i KNOW that part of it is me being mean to myself but my religious and morality ocd is very hard to ignore, especially when it's being backed up by half the people on tumblr and twitter right now who act like if you haven't been isolating since march 2020 you're the literal scum of the fucking earth

i'm overthinking it i know i am sorry to make anyone read all this and i'll almost definitely delete it later i just had to get these thoughts out somewhere, thanks for reading