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#i just. its unfair. it is really so unfair. im so tired of being unable to buy little treats fhfkdl
piplupod · 2 months
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this girl at the centre is rly frivolous with her spending and it's driving me fucking insane because she complains about having no money but then somehow buys DQ lunch every day (a meal there is like $10+ ????) and buys a s.quishmallow or brand new fancy-covered book (not just paperbacks... the ones w embossed covers and cool stuff like that) or other fairly expensive trinkets almost daily ???? and then treats me like I'm being a party pooper if I decline buying food from DQ myself or if I say that I cannot afford some random thing that she tells me I should buy 🧍<- shaking with barely concealed frustrated irritation and tears
#I DONT HAVE AN ISSUE W PPL SPENDING MONEY HOWEVER THEY LIKE#I HAVE AN ISSUE WHEN THEY MAKE ME FEEL BAD ABOUT /MY/ FINANCIAL CHOICES THOUGH#OR IF THEY COMPLAIN TO ME ABOUT HAVING NO MONEY#GIRL MAYBE U NEED TO STOP SPENDING IT THEN. PLEASE MAKE SMARTER CHOICES.#i already feel so fucking ashamed of having zero income (literally zero except when i catsit every few months for the neighbour 🙃)#and i already feel awful for being a penny pincher but if i spend anything frivolously then im going to run out of the savings i earned#the savings i earned by not spending any money as a teen and being employed since grade 8. i worked hard for that shit.#and i would like to not run out of it sooner than I absolutely have to bc ... i will have to kms at that point fhdjdkl#if I can't get onto welfare and then disability i will not be able to live bc I'll have no fucking money 😭😭#SO LET ME PINCH MY PENNIES PLEASEEEEE I'd like to be able to fight to get onto welfare before i run out of money !!!!#ITS JUST RLY FUCKING HARD having to just. have her treat me this way.#when its like. life or death for me. and she doesnt even have to buy groceries or pay rent. jfc man#i just. its unfair. it is really so unfair. im so tired of being unable to buy little treats fhfkdl#i dont think ppl are bad for buying little treata but i am incredibly envious !!!! im glad other ppl can do so but i wish i could too !!!#its just so frustrating and humiliating when she tries to invite me to Money Spending Activities and i have to say no#and then she treats me like im a party pooper for it. PLEASEEEE I AM FUCKING POOR !!!!#pippen needs 2nd breakfast
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lolibles · 3 years
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playing video games with them| anemo boys <3
characters: kazuha, xiao and venti
very fluffy, a little suggestive in kazuha’s part, slight slight angst for xiao, crack
synopsis: what games you play with them, how they act with you!
not proofread please don’t sue me this is also very random :)
kazuha
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playing stardew valley and animal crossing with kazuha is my life goal that will never be fulfilled please cry with me. anyway, just imagine cuddling on the sofa under a thick blanket on a cold rainy day with cups of hot chocolate or tea whilst playing stardew valley. the both of you work through the first year slowly as little farmers doing cute little farm things. also if you ever chose to get into a relationship with any of the npcs in the game kazuha will not be happy, he’d definitely not talk to that particular npc because he is now kazuha’s “sworn enemy”. he will also be a pouty baby, so please apologise and give him kisses. and if you REALLY want to make it up to him, ask him to marry you in animal crossing and this man will be on his knees in a split second. he’d prepare EVERYTHING, from the venue, the guests, he’d even attempt to design his own tux for his little character to wear. and you guys would have such an adorable animal crossing wedding. also because kissing in game is not enough, he’d probably kiss you irl when the wedding officiant says you may now kiss the xx. honestly i see kazuha even going out spontaneously to buy you a promise ring with a little maple leaf engraved in it for you. yes it was an animal crossing wedding, but it was a wedding non the less. playing minecraft with kazuha please, its so fucking wholesome- he’s so good at the game and he doesn’t even try. he knows all the tricks and he’s so sexy with redstone you cant convince me otherwise. he’s also an amazing builder pls wtf. AND OH MY GOD, imagine playing the sims4 with kazuha, he’d literally cry inside. you both would sit next to each other in front of the computer screen for hours just designing your characters. and you would have a little cat too. everytime kazuha’s character flirted with yours, he will definitely shoot you one of his romantic haikus. also the first time your characters woohoo’ed, he most likely would have teased you and said “its unfair that only they get to woohoo you know.” anyway i think playing wholesome games with kazuha is 10 bells out of 10 bells.
xiao
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now this one is kinda scary. i think its pretty obvious that xiao plays shooter games honestly. or anything that has to do with fighting. it wasn’t unusual to hear him literally SCREAM randomly throughout the day because of a game. if you ever play shooter games with this aggressive boy, please proceed with caution. i honestly feel like he would be so caught up in the heat of the moment he’d actually forget he was playing with you. so if he ends up getting angry, please bare with him- he honestly doesn’t mean to call you bad, or useless, or trash… I SWEAR. xiao will immediately regret his words and he’d feel so bad. especially after he notices how your mood just instantly dies. he’d feel so bad, even after he apologised and you forgave him, he can’t accept the fact that he just called you- the love of his life something so vulgar. and since he’s so awkward and bad with people he’d literally feel like crying on the spot. he wouldn’t know what to do to make it up to you. the next few days, xiao was so cautious around you- even if you didn’t think much about the incident anymore. in the end even xiao was unable to stay away from you for too long, and he’d ask you to watch him play games instead- which you happily agreed to. he loves it when you straddle him while he sits in his chair while gaming though he’d never admit it. but whenever you felt him get tense, all you had to do was give him a kiss and you just knew he’d calm down. you literally work magic on him. also occasionally you’d hear some idiots in his party talking shit about him, you wouldn’t think twice before speaking into the microphone and start standing up for him, and your grip around his waist would definitely tighten a lot more. “if i ever hear you talking shit about MY boyfriend one more time, i will literally come in game and beat the absolute fuck out of you.” yassss girlboss! xiao’s heart would explode and his face would be beat red, he thinks he doesn’t deserve you. also he thinks your so sexy standing up for him like that, please don’t tease him about it. i rate him a “please dont scold me im trying my best” out of “FUCK YOU SUCKKKKKK”
venti
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oh my god, horror games. he hates them but he can’t stop. playing phasmophobia with him would be incredibly fun, but he would make you do all the work literally. he’d be too scared to do anything- and if you ever got caught with the ghost you’d be stupid to think he’d try to save you. he would be the first one out the door and running away. he’s also so loud, your honestly more likely to get jump scared by his screaming than the actual game. other than that i think venti likes to play the sims4 too, except he’s so chaotic about it. he wants to do challenges and he also wants to make like 10 babies with you even if your sims can’t afford them- cries when they are taken away. has all the packs and just enjoys fucking around with everything- also makes bets with you, like whether your baby is going to be a boy or girl, and if you lose you owe him a kiss or he asks you to do something for him. when he plays with you, he needs to be touching your body at all times. he says it makes him feel safe, and warm. so you just let him. venti also wants to play karaoke games with you, he loves your voice so much- whether you can sing or not he loves it. but he will tease you if you cant. he loves duetting with you, to him it’s something very intimate and close to home. he wants to hold your hand and give them a squeeze as an encouragement when you sing with him. and yes you guys probably have played just dance a few times, but venti gets incredibly tired after one round- so please bare with his annoying ass. i think venti is a solid 8 red bulls out of “ive already drank 15”
guys i was supposed to include aether but his part disappeared and i- </3 i’ll have to rewrite and upload it in a second part!! heh sorry for being gone for so long, anyway i have my presentations tomorrow, a test on thursday and another presentation on friday ;-; wish me luck! ill be back writing in a few days while i suffer rn sghshshsh
also @truegaypotat my love here is some xiao content <3
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liquidstar · 3 years
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hi this is evilmario666 anon. im ok now and i realized that despite the misogyny that does exist on account of genre and perspective re:zero actually understands the subaru archetype of guy very well and i was jumping to conclusions too quickly based on what i was seeing. it was impolite and unfair of me and id like to apologize both to re;zero and you, i am no longer on the verge of a blood rage. thanks once more because i am genuinely having a ball of a time . lost track of arc numbers but im on the one where subaru accidentally SPOILERS kills emilia becaus he tries to reveal return by death
NO YEA ANON ITS OK sorry i didnt respond to ur first ask last night i was too tired to read long things lol
but i TOTALLY get how you feel like subaru early on legit annoyed me with his behavior, and it was completely intentional. not that he didnt have his endearing traits, i think the first thing that made me really like him was the fact that he got to know the names of the village kids and legit cared about them a lot because before getting to know them he just considered them and everyone around him as "npcs", and the village kids in particular arent "important" characters. (also dont take all of what im about to say as subaru hate, having read most of the story now i legit love the guy but im just talking abt his portrayal in the show in the early arcs)
basically arc 1 just served to introduce us to characters and concepts so there wasnt all too much of an arc there, subaru is dense as hell so he still came out of all that thinking he was gonna get his Isekai Harem Fantasy and so when he arrived at the mansion in arc 2 he literally treated all the characters like tropes (even before that though he would assume emilia's behavior based on what the tropey response would be). he just didnt see any of them as people and thats where a lot of the conflict came from, in order to overcome in that arc he had to actually befriend both rem and ram in a way that actually mattered, and he really did start to care about them as people and we know that because of the story he tells ram about the ogres.
arc 3 though addresses his mindset about this hero fantasy he has a lot more bluntly, because while he may have grown some in arc 2, he still has a huge martyr complex and places emilia into this role where he gets to be her hero even though she didnt ask for that, and their fight about it is simultaneously really satisfying to see him called out, and hard to watch because hes being such a child about it, hes so incredibly entitled to her at this point. the show luckily frames him as completely in the wrong and shows us the nastiest parts of this mindset in him. one of my favorite scenes in this arc is the one where he accidentally kills her, but just before that. when he rushes into the room and yells at her about how shes useless and unable to save anyone and we focus on her face, and she just says "why are you crying?" and the cut zooms into her eye to reveal that he was staring at his own reflection in it, he was talking to himself. that just perfectly describes what she is to him at that point- a beacon to project all his insecurity and doubt. re:zero loves using those eye-reflection shots, and i love seeing them because my absolute favorite theme in the story is "self-recognition through the other"
subaru does legitimately learn and become better, he acknowledges how shitty hes been in his convo with rem and it gets turned into a really sweet moment between the two of them, and it gets memed a lot but "i love emilia" is honestly a really good line because its in that moment that he stops trying to either run away or project and face his feelings genuinely in a way that doesnt throw her under the bus. by the time arc 4 rolls around hes so much more likable, and his dynamic and relationship with emilia becomes honestly really cute, the way they talk is sort of dorky and charming (spoilers, but even when they have another argument that calls back to the one they had in arc 3, you feel its coming from a legit place now, and when he kisses her he does so only after getting explicit consent and telling her its okay to dodge). hes so much more sympathetic and you really root for him. i loved the choice to not show any of his backstory until arc 4, the point where youre supposed to be on his side completely.
all that being said though its NOT a series i think is perfect nor do i think its super feminist, i just think its a good deconstruction of these isekai tropes and calls them out in a blunt way that i enjoy seeing. there are lots of things about it that i dont like too though, some of the character designs sort of bother me and seem antithetical to this, part of that is that the writer and character designer are different people but it still passed. but i still enjoy the story and characters enough that it doesnt totally sully my enjoyment of it (some are more egregious than others tho). at the end of the day im so along for this whole ride, i love the way it explores its themes, again especially the whole "self-recognition through the other" thing but also suicidal ideation and of course the deconstruction of what the isekai genre has become.
TL;DR: the series perfectly understands the type of nerdboy that watches isekai anime and wants to be sent to another world just like their favorite blank-slate nerdy protagonist and it directly calls them out, saying "no. youre not gonna be an OP hero who saves the day and gets all the bitches with that fucking attitude. youre not gonna be able to escape your insecurities via this escapism, you treat the women around you like trash, youre not entitled to any of this, youre just pathetic." and though subaru is a character that gets better many of the viewers of the series straight up plugged their ears to its themes so they can jack off to rem lol.
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woolywoofs · 4 years
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I thought id update my tumblr.
The past few months have been so difficult. Excruciating.
I have been practically unable to function and have been mostly bedridden since september. The only times I go out is to see doctors and medical professionals.
My rheumo honestly was neglecting me (my doctor was SHOCKED to hear how she was treating me/not treating me) so my GP took over my care, and changed my medication in hopes of helping me.
It will be 2-4 months before we know whether they are working or not. I still dont have a diagnosis and probably wont at any point, but we do know its progressive. I'm also finally on a proper dose of pain medication.
I'm seeing a neurologist in December so we can rule out MS and other things since my neuro exam is not normal.
I am in constant pain. I had to re-learn so many things. How to dress myself, how to shower, how to take care of myself on a day to day basis. It's insane.
A few days ago I found out I've lost most of my vision, no idea why.
I dont use my right eye anymore. Its useless. And I have lost most of my vision in my good eye.
I have been ill for a while and ive dealt with it as well as i can, but the last 3 months have sucked every bit of joy and strength out of me. Life is unfair.
It is incredibly hard to go on every day. I have a lot of distractions thankfully, playing games and watching shows.
But I am so tired of not being able to go for real walks, see my friends etc. I'm so lonely but I cant have anyone over because im so zoned out most of the time.
I know im losing relationships with friends and family because im neglecting them. i cant help it and it hurts so fucking much.
im honestly so fucking angry that this is my life. like seriously? did we really need to add another things on top of everything else? apparently.
i lost myself. i will never have who i used to be back. it breaks me. i literally dont know if ill ever have a functional life again.
i struggle staying alive because the unknown is just too much to handle. I cant know if this will improve with the new meds, or just continue going down hill.
Skvetta has been such a champion. I would not be here without her. On our walks i can only walk at a very slow pace, Skvetta checks in constantly and usually only zooms around if I tell her its okay to.
When we get home I have to lie down and Skvetta does not hesitate to come lie ontop of me to keep me warm and safe.
i can not express in words how tired and broken i am. i am not processing this whatsoever. sometimes im numb and manage to zone it out and the next moment im having a mental breakdown over the smallest things.
like earlier i couldnt get my shoes on. its such a basic thing. and i couldnt do it. im lost, alone and scared. i dont know if ill ever get myself back.
please dont take your health for granted. do the things you love while you still can.
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Chapter 3 - Earth and the Lost Soul
The Butterfly Who Lost Her Wings
Word Count: 3981 | AO3 Mirror | Previous | Next
Summary: Marco returns to Earth and sets out to right a wrong.
✧·゚: *✧·゚:* ☾ *:·゚✧*:·゚✧
A rift in space opened up in the Diaz family’s living room. Marco emerged from it a second later, dimensional scissors in hand. He was exactly where he had intended to land, in the middle of his living room. But only when the portal had disappeared did he realize that he hadn’t fully thought that decision through.
His mother, Angie, immediately noticed his arrival from her standing place in the kitchen. “Marco, you’re home!”
A cold wave of dread washed over him as he caught sight of his mother’s unknowing smile. She threw her arms around him in a hug, but he was completely lost in his thoughts, dismayed by his realization. I’m going to have to be the one to break the news to everyone in Echo Creek…
“Welcome home.”
“Hi, mom.” Marco tried to politely excuse himself to his room, but Angie wasn’t about to let him go so easily.
“Did you get everything figured out with Star?” she asked, letting up on her grasp. “I know she didn’t leave on the best terms.”
He turned around slowly, opting to stare at the wall behind her instead of making eye contact. “Actually… can we talk about it later? I’m really tired.”
Unfortunately, Angie was smarter than that. “Is everything alright?”
“I’m tired,” he repeated. “I’m really, really tired.”
“Marco?” She could only repeat her son’s name as he turned his back and ascended the stairs without responding further. “Marco!”
He shut his bedroom door behind him, trying to listen through the door. When he was certain that his mother hadn’t followed him in an effort to demand answers, he slid down the wall to a seated position on the floor and sighed heavily, his exhaustion finally starting to catch up with him.
His phone in is pocket was being bombarded by incoming messages, now that he’d returned to a place with cell service. He remained there on the floor for several moments before he was able to convince himself to look through his notifications. There were a lot of unread messages from his friends, mostly Jackie. As he was attempting to read through them, he was bombarded by several new texts from Janna.
Janna: yo diaz
are u home yet?
u better answer me
Because of course Janna somehow knew that he was back on Earth. He supposed it really wasn’t all that surprising, once he thought about it. I’m not sure if I’m in the right headspace to put up with this right now…
Marco: Yeah I am, how did you know that?
Janna: not important
ur gf has been harassing me bc u werent responding
next time maybe give some notice before u disappear?
Guilt flooded over him. She had every right to be upset with him, as far as he was concerned. Everyone did. He was the one who left without notice, and aside from a parting message to Jackie—apparently she had still tried to contact him anyways—no one else in his immediate friend group had known where he was.
Marco: I’m really sorry
I didn’t mean to be gone as long as I was
Janna: save your sorries for your gf dude
u cant just disappear for a week w/o warning and pretend nothings changed. shes got every right to be mad if she is
i kinda do too, lucky for u im not the grudge holding type
did star come back with u or is she like staying on mewni or whatever
Marco collapsed backwards onto his bed, defeated. His phone fell out of his hand, currently of little concern to him, now that he was so lost in his thoughts. There’s just no escaping this, is there? Everything had always been about Star, and everything still was about Star. Just as suddenly as she had crashed into his life, she was gone, and there wasn’t a thing he could do about it. He couldn’t stop thinking about her, about how the last thing she’d thought to do before disappearing in that explosion was to apologize.
A piece of his world had went with her, and he couldn’t help but feel that he was somehow responsible. There had to have been warning signs, right? Should he have done something differently, or done something sooner? “I hate this,” he murmured aloud, burying his face in his hands. “I hate this…”
Star probably hates this, too, he admitted inwardly. She always did everything in her power to be a positive force in people’s lives. The last thing she’d want is for everyone who cared about her to be moping around. I really hope she knew what she was getting herself into…
He finally spared another glance at his phone.
Janna: ???
Marco: Sorry
I don’t know if I want to talk about it right now, if that’s ok
Janna: yeah sure
if things are awkward between u two now thats ur business, not mine
jackie isnt mad at you fr that btw
Marco: For what?
Janna: uh
at the party?
Oh, right, Marco grimaced. Just before she left for Mewni—and subsequently vanished—Star had confessed her feelings for him in front of everyone at their end-of-the-school-year celebration. Even now, he still couldn’t help but hold some resentment towards her for how hasty that decision of hers had been, especially when she knew he was dating Jackie.
It was almost like she knew that was the last time she’d ever see him, and that her true feelings had been a weight on her chest that she could no longer bear to keep bottled up.
And yet, at the same time, his resentment felt unfair. He had no way of knowing when these feelings of hers had actually emerged, but Star never stopped trying to help him get Jackie’s attention. Even once they were finally dating, Star still went out of her way to include both of them in her lives however she could. As much heartache as it likely caused her, she must have valued their friendship over everything else, if she was able to force herself to put up with it for such a long time.
Conflicted feelings about Star aside, he still had overwhelmingly negative memories associated with that party. He preferred to forget about it where possible.
Marco: Gee, thanks for that, Janna
I’d almost forced that party out of my recent memory, but now it’s back.
Janna: sorry lol
Marco: Why would Jackie be mad at me about that? Star having feelings for me doesn’t change anything
Just wondering why you think that
Janna: i dont, im just repeating what she told me
and she told me she wasnt mad at u, sooo
i dont think shes mad at all tbh? that was a week ago anyways
go talk to her urself dude, im no therapist
Marco: Alright
Thanks, Janna
Janna: no prob
Though he did feel a bit guilty for withholding the truth of the situation from Janna, he swore to himself that he’d be honest about what really happened as soon as he felt able to. Janna was a mixed bag, and even though they were friends—at least, I think we’re friends?—he had no idea how she was going to take the information. He wanted to give himself time to come to terms with it all before trying to explain it to his and Star’s friends.
He had some things he needed to take care of, first. There was someone that he needed to apologize to, more than anything. Hopefully she was home.
His door creaked open, and he slowly made his way back down the staircase. His mother looked up from the book she was reading on the couch, her eyes lighting up with concern. “Marco?”
“I’m gonna go see Jackie,” he said quietly.
“Okay…that’s okay.” Angie stood up and crossed the room to stand in front of him cautiously. “Just… if you need to talk, I’m here for you, sweetie.” She extended her arms in an offering for a hug.
“I know.” He accepted her gesture and rested his head on her shoulder. “I just need to talk to her first.”
He headed out to the garage. It didn’t take long for him to wheel his bike out of the garage and suit up. He never really felt like taking his bike out was all that notable. Nothing would compare to when he tried to teach Star a couple months back, but she—
No, stop it, he told himself, shaking his head as if it would help unscramble his thoughts in any way. Stop thinking about her.
He was sure that the last thing Jackie needed was for him to suddenly show up on her doorstep in tears, especially when he had already done such a terrible job of communicating with her during his impromptu trip to Mewni. His only message to her about the entire situation had been incredibly brief.
Marco: I’m going to Mewni to make sure Star is okay. It sounds like something bad is about to go down there. I’ll be back soon, I promise. Love you
If he could go back in time a week, he would have done a better job of explaining himself. But it’s too late to worry about it now. I just need to focus on the present.
Once he’d shut the garage behind him, he headed off in the direction of Jackie’s house. His gaze rarely lifted from the street, and he couldn’t bring himself to make eye contact with any neighbors that he passed, out of fear of encountering someone who’d ask questions or demand answers.
It almost felt like some of the color in his life had been leeched away. The only thing that didn’t look any more faded to him was the moon, which was painted a vibrant and shadowy red, slowly climbing its way out of the magenta-colored morning sky—wait, what?
Marco rubbed his eyes fervently in an effort to snap himself out of it, but it didn’t work. No, his fears were completely correct, and he found himself staring up at the Blood Moon, hovering behind the clouds. It wouldn’t be visible for much longer before it sank behind the trees, but the fact of the matter was that it was here. It was still here, lingering in the background like a silent menace. A shudder ran up his spine as he watched it, unable to look away.
The front wheel of his bike suddenly collided forcefully with the curb, threatening to launch him over the handlebars. Miraculously, he managed to plant a foot on the ground to prevent himself from landing in a heap. He let out a trembling exhale as he stared up at it with an intense gaze.
Okay. Why it’s here isn’t important. You’re here to see Jackie, he repeated in his mind, over and over in the hopes that it would stick. She’s worried about you. You haven’t spoken to her in a week. You need to apologize.
With one last fleeting glance at the moon, he backed his bike away from the curb and continued down the road towards Jackie’s house.
✧·゚: *✧·゚:* ♦ *:·゚✧*:·゚✧
“King River has returned.”
Moon’s gaze snapped up from the book on dimensional travel she had been scouring through. Even if she had publicly said that returning Star wasn’t first on her list of priorities, that didn’t mean that she was about to drop all of her efforts. As she viewed it, her status as as queen was an entirely different person from herself. Queen Butterfly was the one who would look after the kingdom, and Moon was going to find a way to contact her daughter. But hearing the news of her husband’s return reminded her that this situation was far too great in scale to look at it in such a black and white way.
“Is he alright?” she demanded, standing up.
The guard nodded. “He appears to be, yes.”
Moon let out a breath that she hadn’t realized she’d been holding in. “Thank goodness…”
She left her notes behind and quickly followed after the guard. It was a slightly unusual scene that she walked into, as there were several large eagles perched around the foyer. But her husband was there, too, and that was all that mattered to her in that moment.
“Moon-pie!” he exclaimed, his eyes lighting up at the sight of her. Their common formalities were forgotten as both of them rushed towards each other and met with a tight hug in the center of the room. “I’m so glad that you’ve returned safely.”
“And I you,” Moon murmured, pressing a kiss to his cheek. “I didn’t know how much more of this I could take...”
He pulled back from the hug to hold her hands instead. “You know, you really had me worried, leaving so suddenly!”
“I’m so sorry,” she apologized.
“It’s not that I don’t trust you, because I do! But if you and Star had to leave so quickly, it must have been serious...”
She’d sworn to herself that she wouldn’t cry, but her composure was betraying her. “I’m so sorry,” she repeated, her voice choking up on the last syllable.
River frowned in concern. “Did something happen?”
“I-I tried— but I didn’t— Star, s-she— I couldn’t...” River brought a hand up to cup her cheek, and she met his gaze with sad, watery eyes.
“Moon-pie?”
She lurched forwards and buried her face in his shoulder, holding him close as tears began to flow freely.
The few knights that were left in the room lowered their heads and excused themselves from the room, granting them both some privacy.
✧·゚: *✧·゚:* ☾ *:·゚✧*:·゚✧
After a very brief internal pep talk, Marco was finally able to convince himself to knock on Jackie’s door. As anxious as he was to see her, he tried to focus on the floor as he waited, in the hopes of not overthinking anything.
When the door finally opened and he was face to face with her for the first time in an incredibly long week, he felt a grin take shape on his face. “Hey, Jackie—“
“Marco!” She darted forwards and caught him in a tight hug. “God, I was so worried about you, doofus!”
“Yeah, yeah, I know. I’m the worst.”
“No you’re not,“ she argued, holding him tighter. “I saw your message… but I sort of hoped you brought your phone anyways, just in case.”
“I can’t exactly get cell service on Mewni. Earth phones don’t work there,” he reminded her, chuckling halfheartedly. She laughed too, and it managed to brighten his smile a little. There was something comforting and familiar about hearing her laugh.
“I know! I know, it’s just… you left without much of a warning at all. First Star, and then you… you guys really scared all of us.”
“I’m really sorry. I should’ve talked to you first. I didn’t mean to make you worry so much.”
“It’s okay, Marco. I know you didn’t mean to.”
A beat of silence passed as he tried to think of what to say and she patiently waited. Where do I even start?
“Do you think we can go sit down and talk about everything? It’s… a long story.”
“Yeah, of course!” She nodded and beckoned him through the door. “Come on in.”
He followed her upstairs—after a brief hello to her parents—and took a seat in her desk chair. She sat down criss-crossed on the foot of her bed and looked at him expectantly.
Jackie was the first one that dared to break the temporary pause. Her voice was cautious. “I take it that something bad happened?”
Marco was surprised by her forwardness. “W-what?”
“I can tell you have bad news, Marco. Well, either that, or something exhausting happened. I can see it in your face.”
“Oh, uh... yeah, your first guess was pretty on point.”
Jackie frowned sympathetically. “I may not know much about this Mewni stuff, but hey, I’m probably easier to vent at than a brick wall, right?” She leaned forwards and put her hands in her lap. “So lay it on me.”
“...How much do you want to hear?”
“Tell me as little or as much as you want to. If it’ll help you feel better, I want to hear it.”
But there’s so much that’s happened! “Gosh, where do I start?”
“The beginning, maybe?”
Marco nodded, and, taking a deep breath to try and calm himself, he began his story.
“Well... there’s always been a bunch of monsters from Mewni that kept coming after Star. Their leader was named Ludo. He wanted her wand, but him and his lackeys are pretty incompetent, so they never managed to take it. Not until this guy named Toffee came along.”
“Toffee? That’s a weird name…”
“Yeah, I don’t really understand Mewni’s naming conventions, either,” he laughed. “Maybe it’s a normal name there. I mean, to be fair, most of Star’s family is named after celestial bodies, so it’s probably not that weird.”
“Yeah, I guess that’s fair.”
“Anyways, Toffee kind of showed up out of nowhere, and we could tell that this was a lot more serious than what we were used to with Ludo.”
“You didn’t ask anyone for help?”
“Star’s not exactly the type to ask her parents for help, so no, we just kind of dealt with it ourselves.”
Jackie pursed her lip. “That sounds like a really bad idea.”
“In hindsight, yeah, definitely. We had no idea who this guy was.” Queen Butterfly made it sound like he’s pretty infamous, he remembered, silently wishing he had asked for more information on Toffee when he had the chance. “He’s the only one who ever managed to take the wand. He kidnapped me, and then he tricked Star into—“
“Excuse me?!” She interrupted, somewhat outraged. “You got— you can’t just gloss over that!”
“But this isn’t about me!” Marco protested. “I’m perfectly fine now, so it’s no big deal.”
“If you’re that calm about literally getting kidnapped, I’m not sure how comfortable I am with you going to Mewni all the time...”
“It’s not a regular thing, I promise!”
“Okay, okay,” she sighed in defeat. “Fine. What happened there? Besides the whole hostage-taking thing.”
“He used me as blackmail to make Star destroy the wand.”
“I thought you said he wanted to take it?”
“That’s what we thought, initially,” Marco admitted. “He had Star use this really weird spell that set it off like a bomb. The whole castle blew up, Toffee included. We thought it killed him, but… well, it obviously didn’t. He came back.”
Jackie furrowed her brow, thinking for several moments. “Not to insult your storytelling or anything, but I’m really lost.”
“Yeah, I’m, uh... kind of skipping over a lot. Sorry.”
“It’s okay... I know there’s a lot to go over, probably.” She glances around her room once before an idea came to her. “Wait! What was up with the night of the school dance? In the graveyard, when that weird little bird dude showed up.”
“That’s Ludo,” Marco explained briefly. “Long story short... when Star tried to destroy the wand, it actually split it in two. Star kept the first half, and Ludo had the other one. That night in particular was when he stole the spellbook from Star.”
“What does that Toffee guy have to do with this?”
Marco tried to recall as much as he could about the days prior to Star’s disappearance, but the fact of the matter was that he hardly knew anything about Toffee’s involvement with the whole situation. There was obviously a lot more to it, far beyond his own knowledge.
“That spell Star used must have put him inside of the wand. For some reason, she used it again, and she got caught in the blast that time...” He took a pause, having a hard time thinking about those that few moments before she disappeared. “Toffee got out. Wherever the spell put him, it put her in his place. I think that might have been his plan all along.”
He was leaving out a lot of the details—he could tell from the slideshow of emotions on Jackie’s face that she knew his explanation wasn’t quite lining up—but frankly, he could hardly make sense of it, either. Even if he had visited Mewni several times now, everything about it and its magic was otherworldly.  He couldn’t imagine how crazy it sounded to someone who had never even been there.
It wasn’t that unlike the Neverzone, in that way, though Mewni was certainly a lot less intense. A few things had stuck with him once he left—mostly learned skills, like how to drive a dragoncycle or wield a katana—but all the rest of his memories of that place had faded in a matter of weeks. He supposed it was time shenanigans of some sort, but it was still weird to him that he had acquired these skills when he didn’t remember practicing them at all.
Jackie had remained silent, mulling over his words. In the temporary break in conversation, Marco went on, saying, “Apparently this guy has been involved with Star’s family in the past, but I don’t really know how.”
Finally, she spoke up, offering an idea of her own. “Can’t someone use the same spell, or something? Anything at all?”
Marco shook his head. “I don’t think it’s that simple. The wand seems to be broken for good now, and I think that’s the only way to get to where she is.” He stared at the floor as he was reminded of just how dire this situation was. “She’s trapped in a dimension that no one can get to, and… I can’t tell if that’s worse.”
Jackie immediately dipped her head in understanding, and her sadness was apparent on her face. “Gosh, this really sucks.”
“That’s a heck of an understatement.”
“You were there when this happened? I can’t imagine how hard that was.”
He nodded once, averting his gaze from her when he felt his eyes begin to tear up again. “It should be so easy, but it’s not… everything that could have possibly gone wrong did go wrong.”
Despite his efforts to hide it, Jackie was quick to notice his defensiveness. “Hey... come here.”
He hesitated for several second before finding the energy to move. When he got up, she stood as well and met him halfway in a hug.
“I-if I had known that was the last conversation I was going to get to have with her,” Marco mumbled, his voice never rising above a whisper, “I, I wouldn’t have just let her leave without—“
Wordlessly, Jackie pulled him in tighter, resting her head against his shoulder. “I know,” she murmured. “I’m so sorry.” Marco could tell from her tone of voice that she was upset, even if she wasn’t really showing it in the same way he was.
In that moment, he felt awful for subjecting her to all of it. She and Star knew each other, of course—it was hard for anyone not to be charmed by Star’s infectious personality—but he wasn’t sure if him dumping all of the information on her without warning was a fair way to relay it. I hope she doesn’t feel guilty about what happened.
Nobody should have felt responsible. Not Jackie, not Janna, not Marco. It felt awful to admit it, but Star had been a victim of bad circumstance, and that was all. It wasn’t his fault. He wasn’t supposed to be a mind reader.
A shudder went up his spine. But why do I feel so guilty?
“I’m so glad you’re here, Jackie,” he said, attempting to redirect his thoughts.
“And I’m glad you’re back,” she replied. “I’m so happy that you’re safe.”
At least he didn’t have to wake up for school tomorrow. That was something he didn’t think he could manage.
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mousehole5000 · 4 years
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tgcf chapters 107 - 120 this is one where i give some Opinions. i do overall like hualian a lot but i have some quibbles
wait why am i still taking screenshots? i can copy/paste again afskldfjasad
It really was hard to tell whether people would feel happy after watching such performances. However, in truth, slaughter and the sight of blood did create excitement in people. Whether or not there was fear, after the initial shock was over, a rush of adrenaline would be produced in the heart- me watching horror movies
“Shi Qingxuan said. “Then, Your Highness, Crimson Rain Sought Flower! I order you to—to immediately strip each other’s clothing!” - djslkadjlsd WHY DID HE SPECIFICALLY SAY THEY HAD TO STRIP EACH OTHER THISALSKDJ is this a normal thing is it a wingman attempt what is happening
“I’ll tell you what it is,” he said softly. “To watch with your own eyes your beloved be trampled and ridiculed, yet be unable to do anything. That’s the worst suffering in the world.” ... “Ming Yi asked, “What’s the biggest regret of your life?”- when truth or dare gets a bit too real
On the side, Hua Cheng was still only observing, and was already bored to the point where he’d changed back into his red robes. Then he changed to black robes again. Then to white robes. Almost every time Xie Lian looked back, he would be donning a different appearance, and with every new look there were different hairstyles, and different accessories, and different boots, and so on; sometimes playful, sometimes elegant, sometimes deadly, sometimes glamourous. Xie Lian was growing dizzy from all the colours and kept looking back, unable to look away. - THIS ISNT THE TIME HUA CHENG. YOURE PRIMPING. THE WINDMASTER HAS BEEN KIDNAPPED AND YOURE PRIMPING
obsessed with xie lian not being able to figure out to use the windmaster’s fan and just. using it to SMACK
also windmaster??? whats going on??? :( i know some things from spoilers like who is not to be trusted but i really have no clue whats happening rn
anyways back to puqi shrine lets check on those kids also can we PLEASE get some funds for this restoration smh. hua cheng and xie lian doing mundane hard labor together to fulfill prayers.... :pleading:
jailbreak in the heavens 2: dig a tunnel
Sure enough, the moment Ming Yi put pressure on his shovel, a hole opened up before them. With the shovel raised, he burrowed crazily ahead while Shi Qingxuan, in the middle, cheered him on crazily. As the only non-crazy person, Xie Lian brought up the rear. That treasured shovel of the Earth Master was indeed magical, and with only a few strokes, a new tunnel of over ten meters was dug. - anybody remember mulch diggums from the artemis fowl series? this is much more dignified than that but i think this is only the second time ive read a character just starting digging a tunnel as a plot point
okay so much is going on i wish i hadnt spoiled who certain characters actually are for myself but i have no one to blame but me for a) not blacklisting spoilers at all and b) just having a little freefall through the tags. oh well. anyway heavenly college admissions scandal except way worse. the corruption extends to the heavens and the windmaster is having a very bad day
i guess we’re having a high seas adventure now?
im gonna keep it real im getting tired of how often we get told how handsome hua cheng is. i know its all xie lian’s pov and while im not terribly familiar with it i know what genre we’re working with and im assuming thats pretty typical. its something i dont much care for in general and idk maybe it sounds better in the original but ngl its starting to make me roll my eyes. love you goth king but god okay we get it.
i guess what i will say about hualian so far is that overall i like them and i like how they interact in general they have a lot of nice moments and they just genuinely seem to like each other which is really nice to see EXCEPT for when it actually comes to things that could be romantic or sexual which is a shame bc i dont think it has to be like this. again disclaimer that im only reading a translation and dont know everything might not have all the knowledge necessary to accurately criticize etc etc and im assuming a lot of this is expected from the genre (disclaimer to this disclaimer that i cant say that for sure its just based on things ive picked up about the bl genre over the years) but idk like xie lian was so distressed after their underwater kiss scene. it was kind of uncomfortable to read and maybe im being unfair i know his cultivation is based around abstinence or whatever but idk i dont care for it. and that scene alone doesnt have to be a bad thing like idk i guess its his first kiss ever (?) and it would make sense if he feels weird about it but i just have my doubts thats going to be addressed or resolved in a satisfying way. also im like. dude everyone is like centuries old. xie lian’s been on earth for 800 years. has he really never met or heard of a gay person during all this time? maybe he hasnt idk what he got up to yet maybe that’s actually a thing. also same thing with the reactions from the immortals to xie lian in a dress and characters like the windmaster like again you’re all centuries old and its not uncommon to be able to just completely change gender presentation. why are you all weird about a man wearing a woman’s dress? i just feel like that shouldnt be a big deal to these characters idk
also again not going to lie part of this that im not really a big fan of reading romance in general. yes i am reading this book. yes i do read and write a lot of fanfic that includes or centers romance. im multifaceted. but really what im talking about is the like physical side of it and descriptions im extremely picky about it. ill give an example. early on in the torture pit (or whatever it was called i cant remember lol) when xie lian kind of accidentally felt up hua cheng in the dark when he was being carried. i dont think thats a bad thing to have happen between the two romantic leads i think thats fine and good to include that early but i just did not enjoy reading it when it happened idk maybe it was the wording and i do think that moments like these work better in a visual medium. ive definitely read het romance that reads like this and i wasnt a fan of that either lol same with fanfic i get tired when writers go on and on about how hot one characters finds another character. this isnt a huge criticism of it like i said im picky but again like with the way that hua cheng is described it just makes me roll my eyes sorry kings
okay back to the reading. this whole saving the fishermen thing feels like a big set up for something narrative-wise. hua cheng specifically insisted on coming and i know one of the characters involved ends up dying im wondering if thats now it would be a good time tbh if things get just a bit too unfortunate during this heavenly calamity... and the brothers are notably not having a harmonious time... also tho it feels very likely we’ll just have another Hualian Moment (tm)
In such a situation, Pei Ming still acted the same. In the evening, when they rescued a few fishermen girls, so scared their eyes were blurry from tears, he held them in his embrace and soothed them with a gentle voice; a true show of honeyed romance, affectionate and charming. - pei ming please get pickled again.
also its funny that hua cheng is just kinda hanging out and everyone else just has to deal with it
Looking down from above, the entire area was painted in a terrifying black. It was easy to see the collision between the two different-coloured currents. Their fierce battle was what formed this enormous whirlpool. As the eye swallowed the ship whole, the two currents of water separated. However, the battle was far from over. Like two venomous vipers, they continued to snap at each other. Each collision was followed by a mountain of angry waves. - this pretty dope ngl. also love our wind and earth masters just chilling on a shovel i dig it. hehe
Yet, other than discovering Hua Cheng had a fine body, there were no other finds. Xie Lian was at his wit’s end and started to worry. - okay see this one’s funny im just also irritated bc im like WE KNOW!!! WE GET IT HE’S HOT AND XIE LIAN THINKS HE’S HOT OKAY GOT IT
okay kiss #2 again its not the kisses themselves its xie lian’s reaction it just bothers me idk im not saying i need him to be super into it and completely unconflicted about it rn but he’s just so freaked out about it and idk i just dont really like it just feels weird i dont care for that aspect of it. also dude hua cheng is a ghost and he did this exact same thing for you before just chill. i wish instead of xie lian literally running away while screaming that hes sorry he was just like “oh haha youre fine thats cool im gonna go look around the woods i dont feel weird about this at all haha” like idk its kind of funny but when its literally our two romantic leads i just feel like its confusing like it kind of makes me feel like they shouldnt be together if one of them freaks out this much again considering the fact that they are both CENTURIES old. i know i know xie lian is an 800 year old virgin but. he hasn’t been like this about anything else so yeah idk like it still could have been awkward and funny i just dont think it needed to be so :/ that being said it was funny that xie lian was then internally like “oh i did it wrong? perhaps i should ask him for more.. instructions....” if that actually happens i might like it bc it would complete this little watery theme
Before he finished, he immediately remembered. Coffin wood. There were trees here everywhere; and a deceased? There was one right before his eyes. Sure enough, Hua Cheng smiled. “Won’t it be fine once I lie inside? - love that hua cheng just sat on the fact that he can turn anything into a coffin. that would have been really useful information earlier but no he just waited until everyone but xie lian was gone afjaklsdjf
also i do think that oblivious xie lian thinking “wow whoever it is that hua cheng fancies is an idiot for not liking him back theyre totally taking him for granted :/” is kind of funny and sweet. actually the whole conversation they have at the campfire is good and im bookmarking it to think about later
“...You on top and me on the bottom,” Xie Lian replied. “Isn’t top and bottom the same?” Hua Cheng asked. - okay im sorry but. mood whenever theres discourse about top/bottom dynamics for a ship im just like jesus christ i dont care. tbh i rarely read fanfiction if its just sexual and ngl if i see a fic specifically tag characters as top or bottom i wont read it lmfao. especially when people have really strong opinions about this stuff when theres nothing canonical to back it up like headcanon all you want but whenever i see people argue about it im just like no offense but go work out your own sexual issues and dynamics instead of arguing with strangers on the internet about who’s a top and who’s a bottom. sorry to be mean but just thats how i feel lol
this was mostly a ramble with a few excerpts but im getting sleepy im going to TRY to take a break from this for like a day but we’ll see how that goes i do very much want to know what happens. anyway if you read this whole thing hiiiiii sorry for subjecting you to my opinions on top/bottom discourse
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misc-headcanons · 5 years
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Oh, Ive been waiting my chance haha! Headcanons of Barto, Katakuri and Corazón (my babyyyy) with a deaf and short Fem!S/O? She can talk but doesnt like to do it, but she can read lips! SFW and NSFW if you want, but SFW its great anyways! (Yeah, the most difficult ones with this kind of request, Im so sorry xD)
(I opted to do just SFW, since the NS.FW ones I wrote were really similar to the SFW ones with how they’d react and there wasn’t much variation between the characters. I also added an extra headcanon with Corazon, because he’s your baby and I can’t help but insert some extra angst wherever I can. :’) )
Bartolomeo
Barto doesn’t mind that you don’t speak much, since he talks enough for the both of you! When he finds out that you can read lips, he makes sure that whenever there’s a Grand Fleet meeting and you’re present (and sitting in his lap, of course) that nobody’s mouth is covered when they speak.
He’s not the best when it comes to learning new things, especially languages, but if you know how to sign he’ll try his hardest to learn it too. He thinks it must be tiring to have to read lips all the time, so he wants to do anything he can to make your time with him relaxing (especially since he knows that he moves his mouth really fast when he’s talking about something he’s excited about)
The first phrase he learns how to say is “I love you”, and when he has to leave on a mission he’ll always give you a kiss before crossing his arms to sign “Love”. He doesn’t know a lot of words/phrases, but he’s good at finger spelling (he’ll practice by looking at random things/people and signing their names)
He thinks your height is really cute, and sometimes whenever you go to kiss him you can’t quite reach him; his cheeks turn pink and he uses a barrier to just lift you up so you can kiss him. 
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Katakuri
When you two first get together, he’s caught between a rock and a hard place: does he let you read his lips and show you his face, or does he keep his secret hidden but make it unable for you to tell what he’s saying? He doesn’t talk much anyway, but still, he thinks it’s unfair to you if he’s hiding his mouth just because he’s insecure about it. One night he takes you to his bedroom and shows you his face, and apologizes for not being able to explain things sooner.
Katakuri learns sign language as quickly as possible so he can communicate with you while both of you are in public. He’s a fast learner, and soon he’s able to communicate with you as much as he wants to. While he’s normally very quiet and reserved, he’s much more talkative when he’s signing with you. If you asked him about his day when you two are alone together, he’d normally just say “Fine”; but if you two were signing, he would be able to go in more detail about how it was (“Stressful. Flampe-follow-me-everywhere. No-jelly-donuts-today. Mom-bad-hunger. Better-now...I’m-with-you.”)
Most people are already small compared to him, but you’re...ridiculously petite. He can hold you in the palm of his hand without a problem. Sometimes he’s afraid of accidentally hurting you, so he’s always a little cautious about being affectionate for a while. When you two are close enough, he warms up a bit and will actually be a little bit affectionate in public; he’ll put you on his shoulder when you’re traveling together, and during his Merienda he’ll invite you to have a few normal-sized donuts he had the cooks make for you.
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Corazon
When he first joined Doflamingo’s crew while undercover, he quickly learned some basic sign language so that he could sell the whole “I’m totally not able to speak” thing to the rest of the crew. Once Doffy recruits you, he pairs the two of you on missions quite a bit because you can communicate with him better than any other crew member. 
Initially, he doesn’t intend to develop feelings for you. But as you spend more time together with him, he starts to fall for you. It strengthens his resolve to stop Doflamingo, but it also worries him that if he confessed to you about who he really was that you could go to Doflamingo. 
He finally gathers the courage to take the risk and tell you about who he is and why he’s really with the crew, and...that despite the danger it puts you two in, he’s fallen in love with you. The first words you ever read on his lips are when he says “I love you,” followed by him signing it. You promise to keep his secret, and the two of you continue to communicate about Rocinante’s real mission solely through sign language. He’s glad he has someone he can share his true thoughts/feelings with, and even better, there’s no risk of anyone overhearing the two of you since you both use sign language with each other.
Law and the rest of the kids are jealous of how you two can talk without actually “talking”, and since you’re a bit nicer to the kids than Corazon, you offer to teach them little phrases. One night, little Law sees you sign “I love you” to Corazon, and sees him sign it back to you before kissing you; he knew about Rocinante’s secret at this point, but you two kissing just came out of left field. 
The night he’s killed by his brother, you’re hiding with Law and you help him escape; Rocinante begged you to help Law, and promises that whatever happened that night, he’ll see you again. You manage to catch a glimpse of him as he takes his final breath, and he gives you a small smile before signing “I’m sorry.”
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monzterzack · 4 years
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Sometimes i remember i drew 300 comic pages just becuase i wanted to tell a story
And then i remember that its been like a year since i posted more and that.... no one really minded
And i get a bit sad, cause my ocs mean the world to me but my brain, my body and depression has gotten to the point where im unnable to work like i used to do and i can barely construct coherent thoughts nowadays
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So sometimes i start thinking "how if i quit art and stop feeding myself the delusion that my art is worth enough to keep me alive?, why dont i just grow up and accept my dreams and aspirations are childish as best and a fantasy at worst? Why cant i just act like a normal adult, finish my law degree and work on that field? Sure... i hate law and i hate conflict and i hate everything related to that but its good money, why cant i accept im just a regular person and not someone special and that my talents are mediocre at best?"
And it gets depressing really fast, cause i dont wanna quit art, its the only thing i care enough about to keep doing
So sometimes i write super bummed out, and depressed and just.... ugh it pisses me off, my own sadness pisses me off so much, i really want someone to tell me my art is worth it, i wanna feel its special in a way, even tho i know its not
But also why do i need recognition? Why do i need praise? Cant i just do it cause i want to? Cant i just indulge myself? Why is it so bad to want to do stuff just for myself and why do i get so sad about it not getting recognition?
What is wrong with me?
Why does everything i make have to make others happy?, why cant i just be satisfied with stuff existing because i made it?
I feel something is breaking inside of me, i cant even work in commissions cause i start feeling frustrated cause im working on stuff that isnt for me and i find myself unable to motivate myself, that isnt normal.... that is fucking weird as hell
And i tell my therapist and he doesnt really know what to tell me other than "just sit and do it" and im always wondering if i explain wrong, im not looking for excuses to not do it, im looking for advice to help me motivate myself to work harder, cause it sucks not being able to deliver the best work u could do, just sitting myself and forcing me to do it feels unfair cause the final products are usually not as good as i could had done it had i been motivated
I know im capable of doing fantastic pieces once inspiration kicks in, but i find it more and more hard to even get inspire nowadays
I dont know.... something is not right with me, but im afraid to go to a psychiatrist and have all my issues trivialized, and im afraid of turning into a zombie again, being able to do what everyone expects of me but unable to do what i feel joy with my characters
I think i can only work with extreme emotions now, everything mild, everything that feels "normal" freaks me out and i trigger myself or find ways to get into a fight or to get yelled at
And i know it sounds edgy and stupid "i dont do normal" like if i was a emo riverdale character or some shit, but i really cant work with mild emotions, i cant work with happy feelings or with mild contempt moments, i need to feel so extreme that the emotions overpower me and force me to draw or die
And its not healthy, i have so many white hairs in my head now its unreal, i cant sleep and my pancreas is so done with my levels of stress that it started failing and gave me diabetes
I am so scared of the future, i am so depressed in the present and i feel so nostalgic for the past, cause at least now with perspective i feel like i had a bit more control and at least i feel that i certainly was valid back then, but nowadays i just feel so confused and done with everything im exhausted
Ugh..... i am really losing my mind... its not even quarentine stuff, i guess the fear of death and the fear of the unknown had just amplified this feelings but i been feeling this wack for years now
I am not sure what im doing or what i feel, and im scared that everyone else was right about me and i am wrong about myself
I dont know man, im tired of emotions and feeling like shit
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spelviin · 5 years
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endgame thoughts, not because i think i have anything valuable to say abt it, more just bc i want to get my initial unsullied opinions out before various overly nitpicky or overly praisy internet thinkpieces come around
okay so. first of all, i’m tired to death of the way folks talk about the mcu. like, it’s either a godly feat of everything and the most important thing ever or the literal devil incarnate and the source of all evil in this world. i am literally so fucking bored of both these perspectives and have zero time for either of them. 
yes, the mcu is emblematic of a lot of problems in the current state of the film medium as a whole. yes, it is also a really cool feat of storytelling that a whole bunch of movies spanning a whole bunch of years could all come together and culminate in a big huge blowout finale. yes, it could have been far better, but yes, it also could have been far worse. 
i wasn’t a fan of thor being a punchline in this film. like, the whole “lol thor fat” thing was like, really tired and not cool. and the fact that his genuine moments of expressing grief and the significant trauma he’s been through were played off for laughs more often than not bc “lol thor supposed to be big many man but he’s crying like a wimpyboy instread.” like, fucking please. it’s 2019 and other male characters were allowed to be shown crying and processing their trauma but thor’s??? not allowed for some reason??? anyway they did him dirty in this movie and i’m not super pleased abt that. 
i didn’t like that they fridged natasha. i’m not a fan of scarjo so much these days, but i did like natasha. 2012 me adored her and was 100000% behind her as the Only Woman (despite being miffed that she was the Only Woman) and i really liked her character and redemption arc through the films that she appeared in. and like, i get the justification for fridging her. like i get that she was this assassin who killed a bunch of folks and in the end, not only wiped out the red in her ledger, but saved the whole damn universe in doing so. i get that. i’m just annoyed that they literally went and fridged the Only Woman to give the boys manpain before the third act. 
speaking of the ladies.... the One Scene Where Women Get To Do Things. my god. the critical feminist part of my mind greatly resented the obvious lip service of that scene, and the fact that the ladies only got the one shining moment before we got back to the sausage fest. but lord, the lesbian part of my mind hella enjoyed it. like i was legit bouncing in my seat like YESSSS FUCK EM UP LADIES i was just completely stoked. 
and my god. MY GOD CAN WE TALK ABOUT CAROL’S HAIRCUT AKA A GIFT TO THE LESBIANS. THIS MOVIE HAS MANY SINS BUT WE CAN ALL THANK IT FOR THAT HAIRCUT. (and again, feminist me is like, hey, dont focus on her appearance, focus on the important shit she did in singlehandedly turning the battle around for everyone, but lesbian lizard brain is hhhhhhhhhhhhh girl hot)
anyways. 2012 me was a month out of a major jaw surgery when i saw the first avengers, puffy faced, on heavy painkillers, and unable to eat any solid foods, and just generally weak and miserable. i dragged myself to the theatre and i smiled the whole way through that movie bc even though i was feeling super shitty, that 360 shot of the team made me so excited and happy. so happy that i watched and rewatched a bootleg download over what was probably the worst summer of my life, and it made me happy and gave me hope, dumb as that may sound. 
i havent watched the first avengers movie in a long time, and i’m not sure if i’d feel the same way seeing it now. remembering how it felt then still makes me happy, but seeing that same 360 shot repeated in endgame didnt stoke much emotion. tumblr fandom took a lot of my avengers joy away. the drama and character hate and constant complaining and cringe culture bullshit exhausted me. and the recent turns of the mcu also contributed to that. a lot of things contributed to it, i guess. but i dont feel as happy as i once did. so a lot of this movie rang a little bit hollow, needless to say. 
that being said, though, i did feel a little flicker of that joy. for all the movie’s and the franchise’s faults, of which there are many, i can say that the moment where all those portals opened up and the revived characters stepped though, i felt that happiness again. i legit almost cried when i saw shuri’s silhouette step out of that circle. that moment when the score came in with that booming version of the avengers theme, i was 2012 me again, just for a moment, and i think that’s worth something. to me, that’s worth something. so for all its sins, i thank the movie for that. 
this is rly rambly and im tired so im just gonna say 2 more things. things i’m not personally super invested in, but other people are, and so i feel i need to have an opinion on em.
first is bucky. i fucking adore him, and i am kinda miffed that he got like, no interactions with steve. i know steve/peggy is the canon ship, i knew it was always endgame (heh) and that stucky is just a fandom thing. but god damn it, even if they were never gonna have their relationship go there (which tbh i literally never even came close to expecting to happen) it still feels a little bit unfair to have steve basically ignore probably the most important person in his life. like, i know he wanted to live his happy straight life with peggy, and passing on the shield and identity of captain america to sam is super important, and i loved that moment and would never begrudge him that bc i adore sam. i was just... really sad that bucky had to get kinda shafted for that. (literally all i was saying in the last half hour was “but where’s bucky? but what about bucky?” our boy deserved better. 
second is tony. tony tony tony. i know folks have a lot of strong feelings about him, both ways. i know of folks who think he’s the scum of the earth for some dumb reason, and i personally know others who think the entire mcu should revolve around him, for equally dumb reasons. i’m more neutral. i think he’s a good character who made questionable decisions in the past. i feel for him and his struggles with PTSD. i respect him as a character in-universe and also for what he and RDJ accomplished. like, if he hadn’t hit it out of the park with that first movie like a fucking decade ago, none of this would have been possible, and i think that’s pretty damn cool, regardless of feelings on the monster juggernaut the mcu has turned into. basically, i know some folks are maliciously rejoicing at his death while complaining that he got a hero’s send-off when he is a Bad And Not Morally Pure Man, which is. boring. and other people (namely one who i know personally in my family) who are mad because he is an Angel and deserved the Best Happy Ending Because No Bad Things Are Allowed To Happen To This Perfect Boy. i’m not here for either opinion. i’m okay that he died (peter crying over him did get to me in a huge way, but i think tom holland just has a power that if he’s crying, i’m crying so idk). i think it’s cool that he got to save everyone and got a heroic and well deserved send off. this isnt a revolutionary opinion i just wanted to throw it out there bc im bored with the polarization. 
and... yeah? i think that’s it? sorry, im really tired and this probs doesn’t make sense but i just felt like i had to get the initial reactions and feelings down before the thinkpieces get to me lmao. 
oh, also nebula deserved better 2kforever i just love her a lot and want her to be happy and not suffer, kthxbye 
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Harmony - Pt. 2
Summary: Being an idol was an entirely new experience for you, and meeting the famous Jeon Jungkook didn´t change that fact.
Words:  1756 (sorry It is so short, I am not sure anyone read these anyways) 
Genre: Smut (Im blushing of myself but I aim to please), Fluff
A strong urge rushes trough you to kiss him and run your fingers through his hair, but stunned by the situation all you could do was to stand there looking perplexed, Jungkook becoming more and more visibly unsure. How did this boy manage to go up on a stage in front of thousands and thousands of fans, hip-thrusting like his life depended on it, eye-fucking the fan-cams and make both men and women swoon over him, but at the same time sit here, nervously so on the edge of your bed, looking oddly like a nervous bunny.
Jungkook wasn't sure how to react to your standstill. Usually invitations for girls to go to bed with him ended with both panting after fucking multiple times. He looked down at his feet, black socks and slightly wiggled his toes. He scrunched his nose and bit his bottom lip. You couldn’t help yourself and the next moment you found yourself sitting on top of his, your lips interlocking with his, tasting the beer on his lips mixed with a sweet, unidentifiable taste. He is taken aback by you launching yourself at him and sits unable to move for a few seconds before intertwining one hand in the hair at the back of your neck pulling you from him. He looks at you surprised, making you blush heavily and cursing under your breath for making  such a bold move. He smirks, a smirk that sends shivers through your body, heating up your core, before pushing you towards him again in desperation and lust. You bite down on his bottom lip, giving it a slight pull, making him groan deeply.  
 He pulls at the back og your t-short tugging it over your head, The loss of his mouth on yours making you wince slightly. “This is a bit unfair”, you say looking down at your almost naked upper body, thankful that you had worn a simple but cute black lace bra today, and then at his thick hoodie. He hastily removes it and throws you down on the bed, laying on top of you, his growing bulge pressing against your core to provide some sort of release. He moved away from your lips leaving small kissed on your neck, moving down to your breast, his hands massaging one, his thumb lightly brushing your nipple under your bra. He pulls you up, unhooking your bra before launching it to the other side of the room. You laugh at the gesture, and he smiles proudly, before going down licking one nipple before sucking on it lightly, abruptly anding your giggling. He gives it a slight bite prompting a silent moan to leave your lips,  “Jungkook-ah”, you can notice him smiling, and continue placing kisses further down towards the waistband of your shorts, you pushing hips towards him in anticipation.
 «Eager baby?” He say giving your shorts a light pull with his teeth. He haven't even toughed you yet and you are already a moaning mess, raising your hips so he can easily rid you of your shorts and panties. He stands still for a few seconds admiring your naked body, letting the tips of his fingers trace the inner part of your legs, he leans down and places light kisses on your thighs, kissing upward, skipping the part you wish he would kiss the most with a mischievous grin, “jungkook-ah” you sigh in frustration causing him to brush his fingertips lightly over your core, and continues to kiss your hipbones, leaving small bites and kisses all over your skin, you breath heavily. “Baby, what do you want?” He asks in a low but stern voice. “Please jungkook…” you moan unable to voice your  wants, pressing your hips towards him, hoping for him to stop the teasing. “Say it sweetheart”, he says, ceasing all contact with your skin. “Please Jungkook, please just touch me baby” you wine, spreading your legs more and giving his soft, light brown hair a tug. Seconds later you let out a loud moan clasping your mouth, remembering that the others were watching a movie just down the hall. His tongue liking your slit painfully slowly, taking his time to savor you. “Baby, you taste amazing”, Jungkook moans, his blunt words causing your cheeks to flush. He sucks lightly on your clit, and you moan out in pleasure and pain. He uses his long fingers to spread you and eases one long finger into you. “Fuck, how are you this tight?” He murmurs against your wet core and moves his fingers slowly before easing in another, letting his tongue flick your clit between sucking on it, your body jolting. You grip the sheets and try to think straight, your hands frantically trying to get a hold so you could drag yourself back into reality,  buy the combination of Jungkooks hands and tongue makes it hard for you to even remember your own name. You find your core tightening and you press your hips towards his face to chase your orgasm, you loudly moan his name, fully ignoring the house full of people when it hits you, causing your inner and outer to shake.
 Jungkook lays next to you, a proud smile on his face, giving his lips a gentle lick before leaning into kissing you again, you reach down to grab his cock, and your fingertips barely hit his clothed member. Knock, knock, knock. Jungkook sighs in frustration, «Jungkook-ah» Namjoons voice seeps through the door. You frantically look for yoir clothes, flushing, terrified that he will come in. «We have to go now, Pdnim wants us back at the dorms». «Just a second hyung!» Jungkook yells back, taking  a few deep breaths before pulling on the white t-shirt he was wearing underneath the hoodie before giving you a small peck his lips still tasting of your wetness. He smiles widely, his bunny teeth visible and say «I guess we have to continue this another time», before hurrying out.
 When you decide to make an apperance in the livingroom an hour later the three girls were sitting there, Sunhee and Yeji watching some kind of drama and Inhye busy scrolling through SNS. «You missed the whole movie», Yeji said in a casual tone. «Anything interesting happened?» She cock an eyebrow trying to act uninterested but you know they all are dying to know. «Uhm nothing in partiqular» you say looking down, trying yo force your increasingly red face to stay a normal colour. «Stop lying! You are wearing his hoodie and your hair did not look like that this morning!» Inhye squeels throwing a pillow at you. «We might have kissed», you mumble, Jungkooks warm hoodie, smelling exactly like you imagined it would of warm cotton, washing powder, musk and vanilla, comforting you. The girls all started talking over each other, asking all kinds of questions about how it was and do you realize you kissed THE Jeon Jungkook. You just silently retreat back to your room, imagine the warm sweater being him holding you when you fall asleep.
 It was so unlike you to be this stupidly crazy over a boy. Yes, you definitely had been in love before, or at-least had crushes, but not like this, everything that happened during the next day reminding you of him. You didn’t even know if he even liked you. You had just met and had just slept together, well almost slept together, he probably did this all the time. Trying to seem cool and chill about it all and forcing your expectations to lower you turn of your phone to avoid texting him first. You had always thought of yourself as strong and independent and you were definitely not the type of girl to sit around waiting for a boy to call, but something about this particular boy made you feel like when you had your first crush in middle school.
 The next few days are uneventful, rather busy with dance practices and music producing and monitoring. You are tired and your whole body aches when you sitt in the sofa in your dorms with the other members. Your hair in a bun, wearing sweatpants and watching some drama on tv you dont really know what is about when a message plings into your phone.
 20.49 [Bunny]
Hey, Its JK, want to go for a drive or something?
 You are not an idiot even you know a drive means sex, even if you are a rookie you know that driving to a remote location often the only way idols are able to "date". But you can´t say you are too opposed to the idea. The thought of Jungkooks slim but muscular torso, soft lips and sweet smell is enought to induse a delishious tingle in your core unlike the way any guy has done before. You have often found yourself daydreaming about what that boy could do in bed, only to come to your senses and worry that you had drooled all over the place. You take a deep breath and answer his text with a yes.
 20.55 [Bunny]
Ill pick you up in thirty.
 A little more than 30 minutes later you find yourself sitting in a luxurious mercedes, the leather seats making your skin stick to the seats making you curse yourself for wearing such a short skirt. You look out the window nervously using your fingertips to smooth down the hem of the skirt even if it lays perfectly to begin with. Jungkook is talking about his day and practice and his voice and slight lisp when he gets exited about something is comferting and strangely familiar and makes your heart beat at least at a normal speed, even though even his presence, his soft smell of vanilla and some kind of spice you cant really pinpoint that fills the air is enought for you to forget to breath at times. When you stop at an intersection Jungkook lays his big hands on top of yours, which are nervously fiddeling with your skirt. You hitch slightly, the softness of his touch catching you by supprise. "Hey", he says smoothly, his voice, crystal clear. "Dont be nervous". He laughs slightly moving his hand upwards, his slender fingertips only slightly caressing the skin of your exposed arms and softly grabs the hair in the nape of your neck. "Relax noona", Jungkook says with a michevous smile biting his lower lip to hold back a smile, seing your mock offended face and suffering from a few light, playfull punches to the shoulder
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anarchistbitch · 2 years
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HIIIIII I AM FINALLY FREE FROM THE HELL THAT WE REGULARLY REFER TO AS COLLEGE ALSO HAPPY PRIDE MONTH
briefly(3 weeks and 5 days to be precise) but anyway, im tired, there's one class that idk if im gonna fail but im just glad to be done with it for now
how have you been?? ive been thinking of talking to you for such a long while uuuggghhhh but n e ways, i hope youre doing great and send you tons and tons of hugs to make up for the time i've been gone
i'd tell you im gonna read the sxf manga rn but ive got so many things on my list and i havent progressed with any of them bc ive been gaming, there's kinnporsche, and cutie pie, and semantic error, an endless list of books, so many fics too, my three weeks and 5 days are not going to be enough for sure
yeah, s2 was way more messy, but well, it's fictional and enjoyable to watch, benedict i felt was 2 seconds away from jumping him but theyre cowards so i wasnt expecting it
did you end up finishing cbaw?? 👀 btw, im gonna watch fire island tonight bc of you reblogging so many things about it cause i hadnt heard of it at all
i havent read a single thing ugh, idk if i mentioned that i was reading vermillion bird but i havent even continued that one, even tho i watched the donghua and it was good as hell, at this point i wont even login to goodreads cause ill be too ashamed to see the 0/4
i didnt even know there was a semantic error novel lmao, i started the manhua and might watch the la soon but that might is quite stretched
i was reading the lady needs a break or something like that, ive seen so many variations of its english name, it's about this girl that has been reencarnated so many times, remembering every single life and is just done with life and wants to laze around but her plan keeps getting spoiled by her being unable to ignore situations that she sees as unfair or generally disagrees with as well as other plot reasons, i wouldnt say it's high literature or whatever but ive enjoyed reading it despite several moments where i just feel unimpressed lmao
smzs was fantastic, 100/10, so much fun :'3 i wanna watch it with my friends sometime soon but theyre still in classes so it's gonna have to wait
hearstopper ahhhh it was great and i cant wait to see what alice meant exactly with big asexual plans, need me that rep
did you hear about the bts hiatus-not-hiatus?? thoughts on that??? honestly i think they said it wasnt really a separation to bring down the chaos somewhat bc everyone was already crying their eyes out, i feel they went "sheesh" and backed up a bit lmao on a serious note tho im glad theyre taking a break, recently after the announcement i saw two reels that just made me get out of the saddened state, one was about how the op hoped somewhere in the multiverse jk got to live his childhood and the other one was that one time they realized they could go home directly after the shoot, they really have sacrificed so much of their time to this and it's heartbreaking bc yeh, it's their dream but it does not replace family and friends
also, i cant with the memes about joe biden being sold to bts, i think of them and laugh randomly through the day
and yes, i want to tattoo jin's speech in my forehead bc i need to remember it more often
FEVER BY ENHYPEN WAS A MOMENT, it's so fucking good, i think i said in my last ask but i really like their vampire/supernatural concept
i am eagerly awaiting holland's bl, idk what it's about but i hope it wrecks me
did you finish the god of highschool??? it's so fucking good and well, halfway through i BAWLED, damn i wanna rewatch it now, i LOVE the fight scenes and the op makes me wanna stand up and start kicking stuff
heavy by yonaka is so SEXY, makes me think of like a noir movie heroine
re:gooey by glass animal yeeeees indeed, it's just perfect for that, and i though more brownies buuuuuuuut chocolate deserts exactly 😌
sxf does not dissapoint EVER lmao, it's comedy gold and yeah, yuri pls chill, and the thing about anya's performance at school is just agh, cause, i dont remember if it's canon or if it was just an analysis i saw floating around on here, about her having lied about her age and it would add so much bc she's trying her best and i seriously understand trying your best and still not seeing the results you'd hope for and if she's younger then she's already doing so damn good for her age, not to mention that she was in a shitty af orphanage for who knows how long, i cant imagine she got good education there, so yeah it's comedy gold but it has so much heart, what a great show :'3
KJSDHJFSGJFG THE THING ABOUT MIKA SHOVING HIS FINGERS IN SOMEONE'S MOUTH SJHJSFHJFH THAT WAS SOMETHING OK BUT IM NOT GONNA SPOIL YOU BUT LIKE THAT WAS SOMETHING
ok i can be normal now(lie) djkfhjsdhfjd look, i, sdjkhsjfhd, it's something alright, and with context it's so fucking different but still kfhkdsf i cant wait for you to watch/read it, the manga has so many scenes that make me put my phone down to breathe and it's art style doesnt help, in the anime they look softer
and yes i think of you often <3 hope you're eating well and resting enough!
-M<3
i know ive done this many times, but id like to begin answering by apologizing for the delay[ik u said its okay but its fine if u were frustrated]
i really wish i couldve answered this a few weeks earlier because i wanted to wish you the happiest pride month with better months to come!! i hope it still holds true
BUT ALSO HELL YEAH WOOOO FREE FROM COLLEGEEEE!!!!
i do hope that class went well[on that note, smth similar happened to one of my subjects: long story short, it wasnt fine for a bit but now its fine-ish, if it was the same for u i hope it continues to be well and then better💗💗💗💗]
i have been well!!! ive been in good health but how have you been!!! i hope you see cats , and ice cream trucks/ or little convenience stores with reasonably priced ice creams and chocolates!!![if u hate both maybe drinks? u strike me as a fanta person] ive been thinking of ways to talk to u too!! but it istg tumblr has some agenda against me cause it glitches so weird!! truly home of phobia😔[NOW SEE,, if i posted this during pride month i couldve also landed a joke about "during pride month??". truly my own enemies art mine own actions]. i am hugging u rn so if you feel warm rn thats me!! and if u feel cold in ur hands thats me holding ur hand with my ice cold hands hehe[im distantly related to mbj. sorry🧊🧊<-ice demon emoji for hearts<3]
i have so much to get through and its very ❕❕❕❕❕[<-overwhleming] so im taking everything as slow as possible but i am watching a few things rn like cutie pie and sxf so i get u. but also do tell me ur thoughts on everything regardless!! i like knowing what u think!! [also on cutie pie: idk if u started but i did and i think its a pretty good show and i think u'd like it 🤗 ]
bro i totally thought that benedict was gonna join in and s2 would be those 3 navigating a queer poly relationship in s2 while dealing with societal rules and "decorum" as it was in the 1800s
i did not finish the cbaw kdrama[im kinda abandoning all the shows ive left in the middle and coming back to them fresh in a year or around that time ]
re: fire island. i aim to inspire😔
oh goodreads isnt even that social but boy does it bully you hfksjksf[changed my reading goal to 1 book and now im 1200% done<3<3 beat the system<3 or beat up the system<3]
by the sounds of it she needs a break sheesh. high literature is fake ,if its doesnt bring u joy in some sort of way approach it like a snake[with care and curiosity] and i will check it out[in the future!!]
ive rewatched smzs so many times it really doesnt get old🥰 hope u and ur friends get to see it while eating smth really good!![personal rec is soup cuz im a soup fanatic!][also teeny tiny story but i once watched a show when i was younger and very impressionable ,and one character mentioned hating soup and i was like "ykw i will also hate soup now" and i felt horrible for like a week after that cuz i love soup!! moral of the story: soup is about warmth and love and also a form of rebellion against the deep nihilism engraved in society]
whats ur favourite soup? mine is sweet corn soup cause i used to have it a lot as a kid! and rn i favour egg drop!
heartstopper ahhhh!! i wanna see what they meant by big asexual plans too!!
bts does need a hiatus just for like letting ppl get into the know about what all they done -bbmas, run bts, bon voyage, beyond the screen , in the soop, literally all the concerts, not including solo work and so much more . and its been 9 years since theyve debuted and like namjoon said its hard to improve or grow urself in a field of constant expectations, so if they go to paris or a museum im glad they want to share it as well yk?
writing this in small cause even though i mean this genuinely i also feel a bit cringe😭so like ik theyve sacrificed a lot , not a little ,a lot and even though theyve reached a level of success that is quite hard to achieve without real talent and a lot of support, i do wonder what wouldve happened in another world if they didnt decide to pursue their current career. and yk. i hope theyre happy in both. also i hope in another world we wouldve crossed paths a little closer, m.
hope joe robinette can finally pay those student loans😢 and gets to live his best reverse harem explicit lemon 100k wip wattpad fanfic<3
ooooh wait if i also tattoo it on my brain😳😳 we'll have matching tattoos😳
i dont follow enhypen but yes it was a MOMENT i remember the first time i heard fever i was like "waiiiiittt a sec"
Tumblr media
NOTE: above image is supposed to represent my enthusiasm about the song and nothing else. thank u for ur time
wait didnt holland release a song for it!!! im listening to it rn and its a freaking bop!!!
i couldnt start the god of highschool ( ̄ ‘i  ̄;) but bro . bro why did it make u cry. bro answer me [<- person who is even more motivated to start it once they have enough time]
oooh i do like noir movie heroine!! and also . thats kinda a spot on vibe??
dude i kinda made a mistake associating that song with brownies/desserts cuz now whenever i hear that song im hungryyyy
anya! is ! such ! a ! cool ! character! the thing is idk if shes actually younger than six but if she is then she is technically performing better than any average child at that age would be[when i was six we already started multiplication and also at six i had an impulse to lick window cause of hansel and gretel<3] and shes just so near and dear to my heart💗💗 and also theres this thing about loid being an exemplary spy , but still fatherhood being his toughest mission like iktr
mika shoving his fingers in someones mouth is a spoiler therefore implying major plot significance got ya😊👍🏾
i might actually read the manga before the anime cause im a sucker for cool art [love animation too but as i said , im kinning a snail for the next few months<3 ]
i think of u quite often and hope ur well safe and have lots of food!!!
a song rec: every pore by tamino
love, kit
idk if u wanted to know and i feel. a bit weird about sharing this at all but the main reason for not answering this in so long is cause im in a weird headspace. which haha i mean who isnt right? but a lot of things changed in two months and like i can feel im in that stage you are right before a huge burnout and im trying to not? burnout? and my support system rn isnt the best rn and yea. im doing less than ok but just above being crushed. hopefully it passes and also hope this never happens in mine or anyones life again lol
making u read that might have u bummed out but if u read that [firstly sorry] [and secondly just, thank u for sending that first ask at all<3][my good bitch what do you want for your birthday][i think of u everyday lol][and also these last few months ive learnt to say i love you more freely without it being some huge moment at all, so i'd like to say: i love you. i truly do. idc that we've never seen each other. if u ever feel lonely just know that im rooting for u forever][💗💗💗💗💗]
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kaztrolls · 6 years
Text
I’ve been going through a lot of shit and if you don’t wanna read a ramble about friendships and personal needs and shit then you’re welcome to just pass over this
I wanna thank my friend for talking shit out with me tonight because it’s really just stuff I know I need to deal with but I just avoid dealing with altogether.
I am easily stressed out and depressed when it comes to the style of conversation I’ve been experiencing online for such a long time.
It has forced me to reassess what I need from friendships.
I’m fucking...tired of keeping up with those who are unable to give me the same energy I put in. It’s stressful and difficult and damaging when I put in 100% of my own energy when others can only put in so much. 
I’m not saying this as a slight against anyone, I just....have needs that aren’t being met, needs that i havent properly expressed (which is probably unfair but that’s what happens when you bottle shit up for such a long time without the ability to have conversations about important stuff without feeling like your the antichrist for having needs....anyways)
With work being what it is (a mess is what it is, and one where I feel constantly dismissed or underappreciated and acknowledged) it’s just a mental, emotional, and especially spiritually taxing place to be in.
I don’t have a lot of emotional capacity to be able to handle high emotion situations as well (I can barely take care of my own mental well being lately without tipping off into suicidal thoughts...to further my point im writing this while intoxicated and my better, sober midn will probably think this is an awful post and delete it in the morning).
I need a lot of support right now and I don’t want to ask that of everyone; it’s far too much to ask. But I have needs as well...
I need to feel appreciated. I need to feel wanted. I need to feel as though I’m thought of. Small stuff like liking my art, or engaging in me on my dash board are really fucking important to me. Starting conversations, linking me shit that you wanna share--this is all fucking important to me, it makes me feel you know, good. 
Liking, reblogging or even commenting on the stuff I work hard on making means so much when it comes from close friends. And lately...its been feeling a lot like I’m shouting to the void. That I’m putting all this time and energy into things (energy which I barely have to spare because of work and other commitments) and getting very little back....
I’m so tired...I’m tired of trying to maintain things on my own
to give an metaphor for how I am currently feeling it’s like:
this garden isn’t growing, it’s shriveling and dying and im desperately trying to water a desert with a god damn watering can is what it feels like right now
....
so if im silent
if i dont start conversations
if i drop off the god damn earth for awhile
this is why
im so fuckign tired i cant stand it anymore
and even though im drunk i know this much
i cant keep up this pace anymore
sorry
i just
fucking
cant
and if that means dropping people then i guess that’s...gunna be it
i know it might be cruel
to suddenly have all these expectations made known
to suddenly have a reason, finding this post in bad spirits but i just cant fucking take it anymore
im sorry
so sorry
i just need to take care of myself now
i need to work on making myself better
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littlebabycrybtch · 4 years
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ok ik bitches are still going to complain but i gotta rant to keep my shit together;;; ngl after being stuck co-raising two babies now i really feel genuinely Disgusted by unnecessary parent critique. like it actually makes me feel so viscerally upset and depressed when i remember nobody gets this or cares to and probably just wants to call out what im doing wrong, instead of lend me a hand to do it better. man im not treading lightly here the ‘no excuses’ mentality is literally Inhumane to parents and dehumanizes them as these superhumans, they arent, they are people trying to take care of themselves Plus One. there Are ‘excuses’ for not being perfect. just bc every child deserves perfect doesnt mean it can be given and that fucking SUCKS but that is one of the only times im comfortable saying; ‘thats just life’. you cant magically make life better for kids the way you think, you’re not a protector, you’re their Rock to teach them How to DEAL with what life brings, that means you’re allowed to struggle with it too. childcare is like this cosmic design to work you physically and mentally to the brink, fucking forget the normalization of how many people you think you’ve seen raise kids and done fine, it is harder than you can even fathom. they probably did not do fine behind closed doors. the parents with the best behaved and most obedient kids probably did harmful things to make them that way that will eventually come back to them, the parents with the happiest most well adjusted kids probably had the money to provide the extra care for that. there are ‘excuses’. idc if it fucking annoys you or w/e, i dont like being the bitch that says stuff nobody wants to hear, but you truly deeply cannot 100% understand unless you are raising kids, i dont say that to hurt your feewings or exclude you, i used to think that way, i say it bc when you see me passed out on the couch while my nephew gets into something dangerous, its because i got one hour of sleep that night while he kicked me in our bed for 4 hours. he cant help not knowing how that affects both of us, but i cant help being affected by it just cuz im supposed to be ~the big strong adult~, bc i am not a fucking xman. i CANT pretend it all away. while im sitting there napping im also waiting for my mental health meds to start working. im also dizzy from not eating. it sucks that he gets into shit sometimes. hes still gonna get into shit sometimes, and i can do my best, but if i sit here worrying that karens are gonna get pissed abt that and work myself even harder im gonna straight up explode. who does that help. who does me falling apart help. come babysit my kid for free if you wanna help me bitch!
parents are doing twice the work of a normal person while also teaching one of these people theyre caring for, how to BE a person. i used to be SO pro judging parents and im literally nauseated by the judgments now. “i cant believe this parent looked away and their kid got hurt, i cant beleive they just leave them there with a tablet or a snack or a toy while they nap, i cant believe they let them do that, i cant believe--” btich you literally have no idea how lucky you are that they are not both already dead. you are so lucky tehy are both alive and the parent isnt hospitalized for mental health or even physical exhaustion, or addicted to a stimulant (which includes caffeine), or using smth to relax like weed or alcohol (hello wine mom culture), or the kid isnt traumatized from watching their parent have repeatd breakdowns. that is literally better than most situations already. no matter how impossibly perfect the family could be in your mind, kids fuckin get hurt and they make mistakes and the PARENTS make mistakes bc theyre PEOPLE and yall this blows my mind that ppl dont realize this but,,,,, Little kids??? THEY DO NOT LISTEN TO THEIR PARENTS bc they essentially CANT..... for like YEARS there is a period they WILL NOT LISTEN TO YOU at ALL while they have the full autonomy and smarts and strength to cause horrible consequential problems, they are capable of learning how to circumnavigate your ‘babyproofing’ in new ways every single day, but they have ZEROOOOO MORALS OR CAUSE AND EFFECT SKILLS to understand RIGHT FROM WRONG, NO MATTER HOW OFTEN YOU TELL THEM!!!!! IT WONT CHANGE, ITS LITERALLY A PHYSICAL BRAIN THING THAT THEY CANT LEARN WHAT ‘NO’ MEANS FOR A WHILE YET!!! THIS CAN LAST FROM AGE 1 TO 4, SOMETIMES LONGER! THATS GENUINELY INSANITY INDUCING FOR THE ADULT WHOS KEEPING THEM IN LINE HUNDREDS OF TIMES A DAY, KNOWING ITS AMOUNTING TO ALMOST NOTHING UNTIL YEARS LATER!!!! IT DOESNT HELP WHEN PPL JUDGE YOU AND DONT BELEIVE YOU AND THINK YOU JUST ARENT ~TRYING HARD ENOUGH~! holy FUCK dude, idc if you wanna judge, im losing it bc i am being forced to keep my cool while a child whos pinching me and genuinely HURTING and BRUISING me laughs in my face bc he truly DOES NOT KNOW this, and there is NO WAY for me to convey it to make him stop at the moment!!!! thats maddening!!!
listen to me, neither of you dying or experiencing lasting damage is literally the goal every day, not just ‘raising them’, but that you both survive to the end of it. im appalled by how different the lifestyle is and the way ppl just... dont know that/REJECT that information so they get to judge. ofc tiny vulnerable innocent kids deserve the best, parents cannot always provide that if they want to Survive, bc they also deserve , basic understanding and humanity. you call out abuse all you want, theres a difference between the 'lesser of two evils’ choices, or even the genuinely Bad choices you can Accidentally make when at your wits end (which you should immediately correct anyways), and ever causing intentional physical or mental harm to the child, but the secodn yall start nitpicking or blatantly being ignorant to a struggle just so you get your blame validation in i literally cannot AFFORD to give you the time of day, im busy running on minutes of sleep, so if you think i have enough free time to entertain ur whining that my kids got a messy face and has been on his tablet in a highchair for an hour or w/e, idc, im using that time to shower for the first time in 2 weeks bc nobody else is gonna be there for me to let me do that shit :) so frankly put your money where your mouth is and help struggling parents whenever you can. i cant make shit better out of thin air.
“oh, but i dont have the money to help you.” YOU THINK IM AFFORDING CHILDCARE?? YOU CAN COME OVER AND HELP DIRECTLY WHILE I DO CHORES. “oh, but i dont wanna babysit for my friends, i dont like kids.” OH REALLY?????? OH YOU DONT LIKE KIDS??? BC THEYRE DIFFICULT MAYBE ??? SO MAYBE YOU SHOULDNT JUDGE WHEN ITS HARD THEN????? LIKE YOU RLY THINK JUST ‘LIKING THEM’ SUDDENLY MAKES IT EASY FOR ME?? YOU THINK ME FINDING MY NEPHEW CUTE AND LOVING HIM AND HIS LAUGHTER GIVES ME FUCKING SUPERMAN POWERS TO DEAL WITH THIS???????? “but You chose to have kids” rt in my case i literally didnt and would be homeless if not offering to help care for them but HEY COOL CONCEPT PRO CHOICE KINDA FUCKIN INCLUDES WHEN PEOPLE ‘CHOOSE’ TO HAVE KIDS EVEN WHEN THEY STRUGGLE AFTER, TOO LATE TO FUCKIN COMPLAIN NOW, JUST HELP A BITCH OUT. LIke... bro BRO b R O im losing it stop giving parents the inspiration porn treatment while disrespecting the actual struggles they go thru any time the child actually suffers bc they are unable to shield them from their struggle. can i be real, life literally will not go without struggle. you cannot raise them to have a life better than what the world is, you can do your best but you really cant MAKE it fair. once again this is not a ‘raise the perfect child’ contest you are just . trying to raise them at all. its messy. every single day you will have successes and failures, and you’ll be running on empty, and you’ll be doing that just to make it through to do it again tomorrow, while it slowly (AGONIZINGLY SLOWLY) gets easier each day. im tired of pretending lmao i dont wanna hear you bitches judge parents anymore, i dont wanna hear the stupid ass ‘im allowed to’ shit anymore dude!!!!! for gods sake i can agree with you when some shits just plain wrong but ill never apologize for standing up for myself or other struggling parents even if it makes you uncomfy, i can care about Both the child and the parent at the same time, ig i wont ask you why you seemingly cant. 😶 ESPECIALLY when things like classism and ableism tie in so often with these situations. not to mention racism like im white but hoooo if i hear one more story about a black parents ‘negligence’ in efforts of just trying to help their family, like leaving their kids somewhere during a job interview or w/e, vs the white parents that LET THEIR 10 YR OLDS WANDER AROUND MALLS BY THEMSELVES... im gonna scream. im gonna fuckin scream. its so unfair. fuck off, stop the spiteful ignorance, change this shitty hateful culture.
tldr; you Can care about kids while respecting parents, even when they arent perfect. you can advocate for children while also advocating for parents, and in fact, you should fucking try.
0 notes
Cobb Island Maryland Cheap car insurance quotes zip 20625
"Cobb Island Maryland Cheap car insurance quotes zip 20625
Cobb Island Maryland Cheap car insurance quotes zip 20625
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Cobb Island Maryland Cheap car insurance quotes zip 20625
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Where can I find a list of all the property insurance companies that offer insurance on rental property in texas?
Car Insurance Fraud - Please advice?
I am trying to get a new car insurance with progressive. They asked me if I had any citations recently (last 3 yrs) and I said no which is not true becuase I just got a citation. My citation was for going 10 miles over the limit. They did ask me for all of my info such as ssn and driver lic #. I am assuming they checked out my records. They gave me a very low quote considering my driving history. Is it car insurance fraud if I didn't tell them about my citations? Could I be dropped? Please advice.
When can I expect my Insurance premiums to go down?
They have gone up $200 a month since the health care bill passed. Voting for you didn't help my situation last time why should I bother this time?
Cheap car insurance companies in the UK for young males?
Cheap car insurance companies in the UK for young males?
Why are these insurance premiums so high?
so when i use to drive legally with insurance, i payed about 600 down and like 180 a month. but now when im looking for new insurance, i see monthly premiums for $900!! if car is financed, or min coverage of $400 for an owned car? i dont understand... can car insurance really be this expensive or is there something going on here? i got the quotes from online by the way...""
""How and how much for car inspection, title, insurance, and tags?""
I am getting a car from someone, and I need to know what all I need to do to get it registration (tags), it inspected, it with insurance, and with the title transfered over. The car is just sitting in a driveway right now with nothing on it, so how do I get everything I need done to it when it can't legally drive anywhere?""
Insurance pre-existing injury?
I took the ACL surgery, I had the insurance but I paid 100% because it was pre-existing. My question is: if 6 months later , I play soccer, still have that insurance and get my ACL torn again, Will the insurance company consider it as a new injury and pay for the surgery, because it is completely healed after 6mos, OR they won't because the injury is on the same knee and I still have to pay 100% of the surgery. Thank you very much.""
What are some cheap auto insurance companies in Phoenix Arizona?
I have an older car it's a 89 Ford Crown Victoria and I do have 10 points with my current insurance company (Progressive).
Car Insurance - Which one?
Hi all, I am shopping around for a new car insurance company. I've been comparing quotes and it seems like either Gieco, Progressive, TheHartford. As I've never had experience w/ either of these companies, could anyone here chime in w/ their thoughts on either?""
Cobb Island Maryland Cheap car insurance quotes zip 20625
Cobb Island Maryland Cheap car insurance quotes zip 20625
Fast Car - With Decent MPG (cheap to insure?)?
Hey All. Looking to buy a new car: Current Car: Honda Civic Sport 1.6Li Petrol Wanting: Fast acceleration car possibly diesel turbo with good MPG if required. Distance to work travelled every day: 50 miles Open to all ideas/thoughts. I know with acceleration/speed comes price and loss of fuel mpg, but I'm sure theres a car that can be flexible under different driving conditions etc... Thanks again everyone, best answer to be choosen ASAP.""
Insurance... please help?
Someone I know is 76 years old and is working as an employee at a small business. Can the owner of the small business get insurance to cover him? If not, any other suggestions?""
What is the Best Health Insurance For Pregnant women?
My husband and I are TTC. He just got laid off and he had Amazing health insurance...We had the Blue care network which had a Zero Deductible and only a 10 co pay. Pre Natal, ...show more""
Will my parent's car insurance go up if I get my drivers license?
Ok I am 17 years old and will turn 18 soon. I have a lerners permit at the moment. My parents have Geico auto insurance and they will not let me get my drivers license because they said their rates would go up as long as I live at home and they can't afford to pay for my insurance. I called geico and they said it would go up,and they asked me what vehicle I would be driving. I told them that I don't have a car, and they said you have to be assigned to a car as a 'part time driver'. But the problem is, I don't need a car right now, I can drive a motorcycle. In the state of florida, motorcycle insurance is not required, but a class e drivers license is required to operate the motorcycle. So if I get my drivers license, why should my parents car insurance go up if I were to drive a motorcycle that does not require insurance at all?""
What is a typical range of costs for teen auto insurance?
I have to say - this field is RIPE for a good consumer survey that gives some general ranges of insurance by state or region. Nearly everything online - (correction - EVERYthing) on line links to get quotes from insurers (commercial sites) . Fine, but suppose a kid is in the early stages of learning about cars and parents are new to the kid driver insurance game and they just want to get a feel for ranges of prices based on region, car type, first time driver, male/female, etc. Let's assume a modest new car in the $25,000 new range and a responsible kid with middle income family - good insurance history. The new driver is added to current parent policies. Is the range $1000 to $3000? Or narrower ... $1500 - $2500.""
Which company offers good whole life insurance?
I am sick of term life insurance and the company I am with now is abysmal. I would appreciate any help. I have a wife and two daughters, it's about them, not me....""
Car Registration and Insurance Company?
So, here is my predicament. A person wrecked into my car (while it was parked) and her Insurance Company (State Farm) has already sent out a person to do estimates and told me it is a Total Loss, which is fine, they offered me a lot more then blue book says, BUT my issue at the moment is, they told me I need to get my registration up to date before they would deal with me anymore (Was expired by a month cause my lack of insurance). So I rode up to a Tag Agency and got a Black Tag (In Oklahoma, we have color coated Registration stickers that we put on our License Plate) A Black Tag means it is not being driven and is parked but is up to date on being registered. So they told me they would call me back when it shows in their system I have registered my tags to up-to-date, and I called them today, which was over 48 hours after getting registration and they are still telling me they haven't heard anything. So I'm curious, did I do something wrong or is the Tag Agency slow? Or Insurance Company slow? (I'm impatient cause I need a car ASAP for work.)""
How much is motorcycle insurance for a 24 yr old in NJ? How does it compare to car insurance?
I can get quotes but just want to get a quick rough estimate answer. And does nj provide refund for motorcycle courses to take to pass the licence? for ex. I know illinois do
Car insurance and moving?
I'm going to buy a car soon, And then move pretty much right after that...It would be a good idea to get the insurance and plates and stuff before I go, obviously, but what will need to be done once I move? I heard that as long as I live in my parent's house, the insurance would be cheaper, well, I'd be moving out...so I have no idea how to get everything straightened around.""
What do you think about Massachusets insurance law?
I dont have a problem with having insurance, but being forced to? What do you think? I need to get a licence to sell insurance.""
What is a good website for getting non owner sr22 insurance?
Non owner sr22 insurance. I don't own a car and I do not have the time to make calls for insurance quotes. So I'm looking for a good website for getting cheap non owners sr22 insurance. Anybody knows someone? Thanks
Insurance for surgery?
how long after i get insurance can i get surgery? i dont have insurance yet but i am planning on getting one (ppo). i am planning on getting surgery and i know that insurance will cover it, i just dont know how long i have to have my insurance for?? are there any insurance rules i need to know. any insurance agent out there help plz!""
Accept $140K insurance buyout from Ford or keep insurance policy?
Hi, I'm wondering whether anyone can help me decide whether it is a better idea to accept a $140K insurance buyout from Ford or keep health insurance. Assume the person in question is 50 years old and in good health. This is a timely question for many auto workers. Any links to more in-depth analysis would be great.""
Low priced car to insure and buy?
I'm a 15 year old girl looking for a cheap car that is low to insure for when I turn 16...I live in the us and don't really care for sporty cars... I was think about a volkswagon beetle 03 but idk how much they are or how much it is insure so... Yeah. But please help!!!
Car insurance and reliability?
what would be cheaper on insurance and what vehicle would be a better investment, because I want to keep the next vehicle I get for a LONG time . . . dodge challenger srt8 or a toyota tacoma with a TRD sport package""
Health insurance for low income college student?
I was just wondering if anyone had some suggestions for reasonably priced health insurance in Minnesota. I am very physically active, do a lot of running and weight lifting; so my primary concerns are coverage for treatments involving possible breaks, fractures, muscle and tendon tears/breaks, and other things of that nature common with active individuals. Preferably something under $100/month because I am in school and with my current income I am lucky to average $800/month take home. Any help/direction would be greatly appreciated because I have not had health insurance for 9 years since I was no longer eligible for my mothers health insurance.""
If you have fully comp insurance & drive somebody elses car & have a bump will it cover damage?
my daughter lent her car to her cousin who has fully comp of her own but she crashed the car will her insurance pay for damage??????????
Would it cost any extra to put another car on insurance policy?
I was just added to my family's car insurance policy, and was just browsing used cars. If I were to give the person in the policy enough money to buy a car, would it cost them anything extra to put that car on their insurance? They have two vehicles on the insurance currently.""
Motorcycle Insurance question?
I recently bought a motorcycle and i'm just about to buy insurance but i am abit confused, I'm thinking of getting the Third party fire & theft insurance, which means i wont get no claim if I crash my bike but what if the other drive is at fault? Does their insurance cover my damage or what? thank you""
Im getting an abortion with my parents insurance will they find out?
Okay so I am a 20 year old college student and im pregnant and I am not in the positin to care for a child so I am getting an abortion. But I am doing so with my parents insurance I do not want them to know because after all im 20 I can make my own descions and do things on my own but with that being said I do not want it show up anywhere in the mail or online or anything that I had an abortion. I do not want them to know. So what should I do I talk to the ladies at the faility im using and they told me there not sure if it will show up as an abortion it might just show the facilities name whih im fine with because I can say I got birth control or something like that so what should I do? Any advice is welcome as long as its dont get an abortion because i am not in the position for a kid I will learn from my irresponsiblity.
How much would auto insurance cost for a 1996 dodge viper?
I just need some sort of estimate.
How much does insurance increase for a teen with an old car?
I was doing some research to buy my own car. I wanted either a 1976 dodge Monaco or a 1989 Chevy caprice. My question is, if I am 17 years old and I had this car, what is a rough estimate of how much my dads insurance will increase? I figure old cars and young drivers don't mix well but I need to know. Also, I have never gotten in any accident or received any tickets and I don't even remember the last time my parents crashed or got a ticket if that helps. Shanks""
Free health insurance?
im 19 years old and im unemployed and im about to start college is there a way for me to get free heath insurance? i live in orange county california
GEORGIA drivers: Where did you get the lowest car insurance quote?
I am in GA and ready to find another auto insurance company. Your recommendations for the least expensive company appreciated.
Is there any major medical insurance for pre-exsiting conditions???
I take care of my 50 year old mother, who is on COBRA, which went up to 700.00 monthly. We cannot afford this, but she needs medical insurance due to her pace maker. We've tried medi-cal, SSI, ect. Her ex-husband will not help her. He actually left her because she is sick, with the woman he was cheating on her with. Then he married her a year later. I am out of options and she needs help. Someone, anyone, everyone....please help. If she doesn't get medical care for her conditions and medicines for her heart, she eventually will die.""
Cobb Island Maryland Cheap car insurance quotes zip 20625
Cobb Island Maryland Cheap car insurance quotes zip 20625
https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/life-insurance-quotes-go-compare-jennifer-aldridge/"
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