#literally any jester character ever

[ratremusowo]

Oh to be a non-gendered jester coded character that is weirdly overpowered and has a unknown amount of knowledge of everything around them, only for then not to be helpful at all to the protagonist either telling them shit to cause chaos or making it the hardest riddle to even comprehend just for shits and giggles.

[biodigitalfox]

hey it’s like the guy from that other app

[sparklecarehospital]

an important announcement

this isn't really a decision that was made lightly and there's been a lot of thought put into it, and i know a lot of people are going to be sad about it but i feel like it's for the best. i hope you all will be understanding and supportive of my choice.

I've decided to officially up the age limit for reading the comic and its AUs and all of my content in general to 18+. this DOESN'T mean the content of my comics is changing, they AREN'T becoming pornographic, DO NOT MISUNDERSTAND THIS AGE RATING BUMP. i just feel like having this age limit is probably a good idea because i worry some things in my content just may be too sensitive to not have this label.

the only reason i never put this in place before was entirely because of the fact i started working on the reboot when i was 16 and i didn't ever have intentions of making it pornographic, i mean, my immediate family reads it. my parents have literally commented on updates on the site. obviously i'm not going to do that. at the same time, i'm not 16 anymore, and i feel like that should matter in terms of who is engaging with my content, even if it isn't literally porn. this is probably the most responsible thing i could do.

i know there's inevitably going to be people who continue reading anyways but that's kind of out of my hands. i can't go through my entire followers list and block every person who is under 18, considering my follower count that's literally physically impossible. i will at least enforce people directly interacting with me going forward.

for anyone wondering about the two jesters we have who are under 18, they are receiving a break from the crew until they are of age. they're not being completely kicked out, they just won't be working on or be involved with the comic until then.

repeating for emphasis: the comic is not becoming porn. do not misunderstand or misconstrue this. the content is not changing in any way. nothing is changing in the comic that wasn't already going to be there. all that's happening is i am setting and enforcing a strict age limit to my content because i feel like it's necessary.

additional notes about the age rating that i will add to my pinned posts on my blogs for clarity

blogs that interact with me or my posts or follow me going forward that either are under 18 or have no listed age will be softblocked.

please have your age in either your blog bio or your pinned post, i will manually check before i respond or interact. i don't want to have to dig through blog pages to check your age, especially if i'm on mobile or something.

for the AU ask blogs, i will not answer any asks for blogs under 18 or have no listed age, in-character or OOC.

^ these terms don't apply to THIS post only, if you want to leave a message for me in the replies here if you have something to say or additional questions before you leave i will answer, but only in the post replies, i will not do the reply screenshot method here.

thank you all for your patience and understanding.

[kurogane2512]

I see so many breeding fics with some family-oriented characters like Childe, Arlecchino etc but rarely ever with Signora.... Ya'll can't tell me she wouldn't be into it. Okay, granted she wouldn't want it immediately but HEAR ME OUT

I very much believe she wanted to have a perfect little family with Rostam but ofc it never happened. Then eventually her body lost the functionality (could be due to liquid fire or just ageing as she's literally 500+). Then due to all the tragedy she became completely untouchable as a Harbinger and suppressed these 'maiden' desires but.... what if she starts thinking of them again when she finds new love? UGH IDK I JUST WANNA BREED HER SDOHWOEIFHWF

Fluff + Smut below

Reader has a cock but no gender stated (I imagine g!p but others are also welcome)

It was another cold winter night at Snezhnaya when you returned home from work. You were exhausted and wanted to immediately rest, you opened to door to your room only to be met by an unexpected yet pleasant sight.

"Oh, welcome home, my love~" your partner, Signora, the 8th Harbinger of the Fatui was already back and currently undressing herself in your shared room. You watched her dress slide down her exquisite body as soon as you entered and almost became flustered despite having seen her that way plenty of times by now.

"Ah, sorry, I should have knocked...." you averted your gaze and she simply chuckled before beginning to walk towards you, a small smirk adorning her beautiful face.

"Well, you came back at the perfect time. I was just going to take a bath so...." she paused before sliding her hands down the lapel of your coat and leaning in to whisper seductively, "Care to join in?~"

All the exhaustion from before suddenly vanished as you speedily undressed and walked in the bath together with her. The tub was already filled with warm water, a scented bath wash and rose petals. Signora stepped in first and sat on one edge then pulled you inside and made you sit in her embrace, your back facing her as you comfortably rested back on her body.

You relaxed together as the warm water seeped in your skin and rejuvenated you, complimented by the feeling of your lover's presence and touch. Signora wrapped her arms around your waist and rested her chin on your shoulder followed by planting soft kisses on it, you giggled from the ticklish feeling and she only continued doing that more to tease you.

"How was your day, Rosa?"

"Mm, just the usual.... Jester still doesn't allow me to take field missions, says I need to continue resting and that others are handling them...." she sighed in dejection then cuddled into you.

"Do you feel bad?"

"Certainly, I understand why he says that but it just makes me feel worse...."

She sighed again and embraced you tighter before continuing, "But at the same time, it's not so bad. I get to come home early and spend time with you more~"

She pecked your cheek as you chuckled together. La Signora would have never said that until a few months ago, nothing mattered to her over her mission and Tsaritsa's dream. She was a ruthless and untouchable Harbinger of the Fatui, the people who had sworn their life in service of their Queen. Such frivolous moments of pleasure and indulgence were useless to her, yet she could no longer ignore the feelings rising in her recently.

She pondered about your current situation, the way you were lying in each other's arms in a warm bath with no care of the outside world. Everything felt perfect. She could never picture this scenario for a long time, she knew her life was drastically different. Yet, the bliss and relaxation of this moment caught up to her. She could picture a life with you, living together as any ordinary family even when there was nothing ordinary about you both.

Her thoughts almost scared her, how could she? How could she have these feelings again? She was supposed to have forgotten them, she was supposed to have embraced the pain she suffered and look forward to a future the Tsaritsa promised. But she could no longer ignore the beating of her heart right now as she pictured you both living together somewhere faraway in a little house of your own, with a perfect family of your own....

"Y/n, I wanted to ask something...."

"Hm, what is it?"

She remained silent for some time which caused you become worried, you sat up and turned to face her and saw a rather serious look on her face.

"Rosa? Are you okay?"

She nodded then spoke, "....Have you ever thought of having.... children with me?"

The question surprised you to no end, your eyes becoming wide in shock.

"W-Why this all of a sudden....?"

Her brows furrowed, "Just answer.... Do you want to have a family with me?"

You fumbled on your words, "I-I mean....Uh, y-yes I do but family doesn't necessarily require...c-children, you know?"

"Then.... you don't want children with me?"

"T-That's not what I meant! I-I...." you trailed off and struggled to reply, unsure of what was happening. You looked at her expression which was filled with a strange sense of longing and affection, something you had never seen on her before.

"....Ideally, yes, I would want to have a family with you, a proper family but...."

"But?"

"I know it's not possible and I don't want you to blame yourself or anything, I accepted our situation long ago and am perfectly fine with the way things are...."

Signora's eye widened now; of course, how could she forget? How could she forget the limitations of her own body, one of the many prices she had to pay for her sins. How could she even for a moment think she was deserving of wanting that perfect life?

"R-Rosa, what happened? Why did you ask that?"

You became increasingly worried as she stayed silent and looked down, you had no idea why she had this thought now of all times. You were well aware of everything that had happened to her and how her current condition was, you had accepted it all the moment you fell in love and never thought of anything more. Yes, a perfect family life would indeed be ideal but you never bat an eye to it.

"I...." she finally spoke and looked up to meet your gaze, her eye filled with tears which she held back from falling then suddenly lunged forward to embrace you tightly.

"I imagined that life with you.... living together as a family, away from all these things, doing simple jobs, having children and raising them together....and much more." she confesssed her deepest desires and you were speechless.

"....Did you want all of this in the past? Before.... things turned the way they did?"

"Somewhat. I never pictured it too far but.... I suppose it was the dreams of a young maiden heart who fell in love with a knight, to gaze upon each other and think of a future together...."

Your grip almost tightened hearing that, you understood what she wanted to say.

"But I no longer think of it that way.... I hadn't had these thoughts until recently and now I think of you in them, even if it's not possible anymore...."

She cupped your face and lovingly gazed at you with a small smile before kissing your forehead, "I'm sorry for this, you don't have to brood over it. Just.... think of it as a silly little thought."

She let go of you and proceeded to step out of the tub then dry herself with a towel, you pondered for a moment then stepped out as well and suddenly hugged her from behind.

"....Let's do it then."

Signora was caught by surprise, "What? What are you saying, Y/n?"

"I'm saying let's do it. Let's have the perfect life you want."

"B-But, Y/n—"

"I know, I know what you want to say. And I mean.... let's have that experience at least, that feeling.... Even if in the end nothing would change, we can still experience the feeling a little."

Signora was shocked at your proposition but pondered over it a little before turning around to passionately kiss you, "Yes, let's do it."

The next few moments happened in the blink of an eye as you two made your way over to the bed while kissing and clawing at each other. Neither of you required any prep time, you were needy and desperate enough that she was soaking down her thighs and your cock was throbbing hard. This wasn't going to be your usual session, no matter how passionate and hardcore your previous sessions had been, this was going to be completely different.

"Do it deep and hard, Y/n. Breed me like you mean to, impregnate me like you would!"

She pleaded while holding you close, your cock rubbing against her eager folds. Hearing those words only made you want to do it more, you wanted her to feel what she wanted. You pushed inside soon after, penetrating her hot walls and sliding to her deepest parts. She arched up feeling you push so deeply, her legs dangling over your shoulders to give you the best angle.

You didn't have to be fast, you only wanted her to feel you deeply and understand how much you wanted this. Your thrusts were moderate and controlled but everytime you made an effort to push deeper than before, to explore the spots you had never touched before. Her angelic moans resounded in your ears, your hands fondled her supple breasts and you leaned down to suck her hardned nipple, causing yourself to push deeper.

She gasped at the feeling, your hard and thick member was filling her up so well. It indeed felt different than your previous sessions, perhaps it was really due to the fact that the purpose right now was different. You pushed her legs closer to her chest, folding her in a mating press as you angled even deeper and continued pistoning in and out.

"Yes! Yes! Do it, my love! Cum in me! Give it all to me!"

She chanted her sinful thoughts as if she was lovestruck, you cock splitting her open then suddenly felt a rush of hot and thick liquid fill her insides. She arched up as you filled her up with your seed, pushing in every single drop and ensuring none fell out.

"More! Y/n! Do it more! I want you inside more!"

You needn't be told twice. You flipped her to lay her on the stomach and she automatically stood on all fours and you hilted deep in one go. You moaned at the contact together, her back arching down as you began pounding deep and hard. This position was even better than before, you were deeply connected with each other and no obstacles were in your way.

"Aah!~ Yes! Right there! Yes! Mmmmm!~"

You grinned looking at her figure, she was moaning out so messily and needily, nobody could imagine her this way. You suddenly held her hands and pulled her up to make her stand on her knees and hugged her close, your face being buried in her neck as you continued thrusting. She almost whimpered feeling you inside, your right hand roamed down her abdomen and pressed on a particular spot as you slowed down your movements but still kept going deep.

"Feel it here.... Touch it, feel where I am~" you whispered, making her move her hand to the same spot as well and she could feel it, your cock was making a small buldge every time you thrusted. She couldn't describe how she felt at that, she could see how deep you were, feel the lining of your cock deep inside her as you pounded into her. She wanted this forever, she wanted this so much.

Your hands were busy playing with her breasts now, pinching on her pointed nipples. She moaned so loudly, breathless gasps leaving her lips as she couldn't take her hand away from that place. Her other hand looped around your neck and pulled you closer, giving you the chance to kiss and suck on her neck.

"Aah...I told you, Rosa.... I'll give you that feeling.... Do you like it? Mhm~ Is this what you wanted?~"

"Yes! I feel you so deep! I love you, Y/n! I love you so much, my darling! Keep going! Fill me up all night!~"

Well, if she kept being this way then you could indeed go all night. She was irressitble to you, so tempting and captivating. You let go of your hold on her and pushed her down in an arch again, roughly gripping her hips and squeezing them as you fastened your thrusts. You came another bout, thick ropes of cum painting her insides and filling her up once again. But you were far from over, and she knew that too- she wanted that.

You ended up in so many positions all night, tossing and turning each other and finding yourselves all entangled with desire. She was now on top of you, straddling your lap as you rested on the bed and she wanted control now. She aligned your hard cock with her cunt and pushed it all the way in, immediately touching her deepest part. And she wasted no time to grind and bounce on your cock, she wanted to milk it dry and have every last drop of your cum inside her.

You gripped her waist and thrusted up as well, a delicious rhythm forming of your bodies. She then leaned forward and deeply kissed you, your tongues intertwining messily before leaning back and continuing to ride you. Her walls had a deathly grip on your cock, it was evident she was going to keep you inside all night. You had lost count of your orgasms, the amount of times you came inside her but she was ready to still hold more.

"Mmmm~ Cumming, my love... Aaaah... Y/n! Together.... come on, inside me! Breed me!~"

And yet another spurt of cum deep inside her, she too came at the same time and arched back with a loud guttural moan. Your bodies were still connected, you sat up and embraced her as you breathed out together. You nuzzled into her neck and she softly caressed your hair, the feeling of your cum drip down made her feel euphoric.

"I love you so much, Y/n... Thank you for this." she whispered in a low voice and you smiled to yourself before suddenly turning over and placing her on the bed, your dick still inside.

"We aren't done yet, I still have lot more to give. You'll hold it in, right?~"

She smirked then pulled you down by your jaw, "Who do you think you are talking to? That's not even a challenge for me~"

[powerpuffobsession]

Am I the only one who feels that Hazbin Hotel's overall vibe is far too naive and upbeat for an adult cartoon about hell and redemption of sinners?

I feel like before writing this cartoon, Vivzie and the other writers should have made a trip to unfortunate areas of the world and watch how the lifestyle there rolls. Because hell is said to be a place of misery, where there is no trust and a lot of hate, both internal and external... Adam is an object of pure unfiltered hartred (both from writers and fandom) because he dares to live in heaven, such a safe and friendly-natured place...

And yet the sinners who happen to be main characters act more like school kids on a field trip (even more carefree than those, lol) - their selfish and sinful motives are so artificial and are brought up only when these characters need to look like a victim, not like criminals who somehow deserved a place in hell

Obviously, it's a manipulative trope to put them in a better light than Heaven and Adam (who is forever silenced by the writers and not allowed to voice any thoughts and reflections other than "hurr durr murder I luuuv murdering and being evil because that's what I was since I was born, even though Lilith and Eve, born literally the same way as me, were innocent victims from the get go, and no logical explanation for that will be provided whatsoever - men bad, women good")

In the light of all that, the sinners are too eager to trust each other and form "da epic powar of friendship" mlp-sonic-style

In a society built on terror, anarchy and survival instincts, no one would ever bother wasting vital power on noticing someone's problems and helping them out. Everyone is focused on their own problems and desires, and that's what drives them to act. Well, the exception may be family members, and even that varies

That's why Husk's intent to comfort Angel after the later attacks him over nothing at the bar, looks really fake, considering the setting. At first I thought that "loser baby" where Husk insults Angel, was some sort of revenge and Husk laughing in the spider's face. But no, it actually turned out to be a comforting song that started their friendship. Husk literally had no motivation to want to help Angel, because he was annoyed by him all the time prior. If there was some kind of basis for their bonding, I would have believed it. But not like this.

And Angel had no reason to actually like that sort of comfort. I get it when your best friend or a family member cheers you up in a harsh way - you know them. And even when coming from people you trust that can hurt. Now imagine a complete stranger doing that to you. That's actually something that shouldn't be done - trying to playfully insult or jester a person you haven't communicated with for a long enough time to gain their trust. And to make this even more strange, Angel at first reacts negatively, but then suddenly snaps to liking that disrespectful way of comforting for no reason at all.

And why did Angel even vent his problems to Husk, a stranger bartender who he'd hurt before. Wasn't he actually afraid of being laughed at and of Husk using his trauma to spread gossip around or something?

Next, Sir Pentious. In the pilot (which is officially part of canon, mind you), he already felt like a joke sunday cartoon villain, but at least he had some edge to him that made him look like a sinner with some dark history. In the series however, he gets nerfed the very moment he steps into the hotel to the point where it's painful to look at

His tendency to abuse his henchmen, his physopathic demeanor, his hartred for Cherri (instead of embarrassing attempts to get blue balled by her), his sincere power hunger - where did all that go? Vanished in a blink of an eye. All that's left of a promising snake demon is a pile of fanservice. So morally unchallenging and harmless that a viewer theoretically simply cannot resist loving him

Well i'm kind disappointed. We don't even know in what way Sir Pentious had to improve, because the plot never focused on his past, his life goals, whatever made him want to lead turf wars and whatever awful things he did in life, what was the point where he started degrading... none of that. He just became a better person after one "sorry song" and acted perfectly innocent ever since and didnt put any effort into getting ready to sacrifice himself for other main characters

The sacrifice... to me it's baffling how fast the sinners, over the course of just 6 months, actually became Charlie's family figures and risked their lives for her hotel. Such pure child-cartoon-styled power of friendship, built in hell, with the aid of a princess who cant even think through her project of helping sinners without bringing them more trouble... realistically, Charlie would have had to fight angels alone (how convenient it is that no main characters died in that chaotic brawl, right?)

And Charlie herself is far too naiive and soft-natured for someone who is free to walk along the streets of hell looking at all the muder, rape and othe horrible stuff that's happening there. Given that she's 200, Charlie had more than enough time to built up her street smarts and guts and learn to be more practical and mindful, instead of staying with the mind of a 12 year old who needs other characters to do everything for her (Lucifer, Vaggie, Alastor) and then get praised for THEIR efforts. That's hell's royalty and our main character?

Aaand since sinners are portrayed as Charlie's "people" (as if they are a nationality), sweet babies who all deserve redemption and are called innocent by Emily (I can't believe how dumb the writers made angels be) - the true essence of exterminatons is never focused on. Adam and his exterminator army are seen in the wrong, like some kind of monsters who terrorize poor souls. However, think about this - child molesters, rapists, torturers, bullies, nazists, actual racists etc died in those exterminations. Doesnt that seem like something a lot of us would want? To have scum like this disappear as revenge for people they have hurt/driven to suicide?

Exterminations are not really an act of racism, bigotry or something like that. They are an excecution of criminals, which a lot of sinners are.

But the black and white writing is trying to conceal that rather prominent highlight of the rotten part of Charlie's plan (not all sinners deserve mercy or redemption). All that was needed was to make exterminators these icky "villains" who luuuv killing and are never willing to listen

All in all, a cartoon that has an ambitious premise that should be driven by psychological reasearch/analysis and dark serious themes... makes me roll my eyes with its cliche use of "power of friendship" and " strictly good main characters, strictly bad villains" tropes. Too bad such beautiful animation was wasted on such juvenile writing that never had any effort put into it

There shouldn't even be any villains or heroes in a setting like this. Allow the lead roles (sinners in hell) do something actually questionable and be unlikable, don't coddle the viewer in fear of making them even the slightest bit uncomfortable. Allow those, who opposes sinmers, have personalities and reasons, not cliche sociopathy for sociopathy's sake to cause forced sympathy for the main characters

Pristine "safe" writing should not have a place in adult cartoons. Or else they will stay a product that'd rather be watched by 7-14 year olds instead of adults (I can't picture a single adult over 22 who would unironically call hazbin hotel a show that tackles realistic issues in an observant way)

[cherryfennec]

what are some of your favorite Super Paper Mario headcanons?

I wasn't sure how specific you'd want those to be but I tried to think of a few that I personally enjoy/tend to apply myself!Includes spoilers.

Some general headcanons:

SPM takes longer than than a day/few days (maybe about a month or two)

Flipping into 3D is a nauseating experience and it takes time to fully adjust to it (especially for Mario, he never really managed to get over it).

Pure Hearts emit a comforting aura, a sense of warmth and calm, while the Chaos Heart feels like a thousand voices are whispering in your ear.

Some character specific headcanons:

Mario finds himself confused and lost more than he ever did in his life during this adventure. His usual confidence and grounded attitude are shaky because almost everything in these other worlds makes no sense to him, which is rather frustrating, especially at the beginning of his journey where he's completely surrounded by strangers and forced into the hero role. (Seriously, Mario couldn't even go home if he wanted to because he's stuck not on an island but between dimentions where he was TELEPORTED IN. There isn't really a door that leads to the Mushroom Kingdom.)

Peach's parasol is hardened by steel and enhanced by magic with a sharp tip at the end. She changed her heels to something more comfortable on the Flipside and put her hair up so it doesn't get in the way during travel and unavoidable combat.

Bowser takes his 'marriage' very seriously. He cares more about Peach than Mario in the team so when she's trouble he'll dash to assist her (he can run when he really wants to huh), but if the red plumber's in trouble he'll pretend to not see it or brush it off. (unless his lovely wife nags him about it).

Luigi, after landing is the Underwhere, finds lots of stuff in his pockets that he doesn't remember squirreling away like firecrackers, bolts and a small screwdriver. He is in fact very confused.

Count Bleck isn't very emotional. Most of the time he only has one, sad and dull expression. Any type of larger emotion showing through means that you've REALLY pushed it to the extreme.

The minions know the kind person that the Count is deep at heart so they're not put off by his frown, except for Mr.L. A default reaction that the brainwashed soldiers get as a 'bonus' from Nastasia is the highest respect for the Count, yes, but also fear of him. The fear ensures that they are most obedient but it's more of a failsafe than anything. You can imagine how it looks when Mr.L, an exploding and tempered personality, runs around the castle causing havoc like a brat and then suddenly just FREEZES on the spot at the sight of Bleck.

On the topic of the quirks of Nastasias ability, usually a person only needs to be brainwashed once. HOWEVER due to a certain someone who likes to provoke the man in green and his subconscious she is required to sometimes strengthen the control on Mr.L as she doesn't trust the magician with keeping his mouth shut. At one point she directly orders L to actively stay away from the jester, even forcing him to follow her around when she works.

Dimentios poncho and hat are covered in glitter and his mask is porcelain-esque, also the idea of him being the "son of the magician". I just think this theory is quite fitting and I like the thought of him being actually 3000 years old. He's not very popular at the castle but everyone has a silent agreement to not bother him. He however bothers everyone and likes to stare. When he's intrigued he tends to tilt his head slightly.

Mimi enjoys designing clothes and tries to give fashion advice to her teammates (to absolutely no avail because who cares we're literally ending the world, we're evil and depressed blehhhh). She and Dimentio have an 'annoying sibling' dynamic and she wouldn't hold back against him in battle at all for all the times he's messed with her. She also enjoys filing her nails to be super sharp.

Nastasia is a very strict person who takes her duties seriously but she does have a side for fun. You just need to search for it a little.

O'Chunks likes to spar with Mr.L in his free time. Mr.L is in general one of the few people he can do this with since Mimi says that 'she doesn't want to ruin her dress over such a stupid thing' and Dimentio always finds an excuse or simply dissapears.

Post SPM headcanons:

There is little conflict with the neighbouring kingdoms after the void incident. Peach, Mario and Luigi use that free time to have fun and just relax after everything that happened. They need eachothers support for the time being.

'Team Bleck' still meets up often after everything and hangs out. They don't necessarily talk about the Count but it's nice knowing that there are other people who understand what you're feeling right now. *They've been trying to have a full group reunion with Luigi included for some time now. Things are a bit awkward among them but it's still nice when he agrees to come along.

Luigi inherits some of Dimentios mannerisms which shine through from time to time such as laughing patterns, hand gestures and a rather malicious looking grin... A bit more unrelated and physical change is that his hair tends to turn white when he's around strong sources of power. (Dream Stone and Dark Star levels kind of powerful ykyk maybe Super Star as well or stardust in general cause star child origins) and the eyes somewhat darken.

He's also never really informed about the specifics of his Mr.L and Super Dimentio arc. Mario doesn't really want to burden his brother with something that was in the past and not a necessary in his eyes knowledge since it wasn't truly him.

The Chaos Heart isn't completely gone. It rests, slowly regaining power within it's host, accumulating all the scattered fragments like puzzle pieces. Try all you want but you can never fully get rid of chaos, it's an inescapable force.

I might gather up some more another time but I'd say that's it for now! You might've already heard some of these before but I hope it was at least a good read.

[shorthaltsjester]

if i ever have to see another thought piece on the description of the white picket fence outside of fjord and jester’s place in mighty nein reunited indicating jester’s unhappiness in the relationship i will burn the world to the ground.

a) heteronormativity doesn’t exist in exandria !

b) fjord isn’t your Typical Male Love Interest Guy. if i ever have to read someone say that shit again i’m gonna (correctly) assume they haven’t paid attention at all to campaign 2 and any of fjord’s character arc.

c) perhaps, jester lavorre, woman who was raised on the ideology of romance novels and sexuality as exchange, might just find it uh… not a terrible thing that the white picket fence is falling apart outside since… fjord explicitly does Not feel like those romance novels to her, instead he feels comfortable. the way that a brightly painted but rarely used house might, especially when the couple in question spends most of their time adventuring together… which is an essential part of jester’s motivations throughout the campaign.

d) the reason fjord and jester seem unhappy in the reunion might be because, well, uh, whereas everyone else was getting a “vacation”, jester and fjord’s life together (specifically the fact that Fjord Loves Jester Enough To Risk The World (Momentarily) To Save Her) was the inciting action for an apocalyptic demigod being released - they Were unhappy. who wouldn’t be given those circumstances. jester nearly died, and fjord felt like the god that once saved him had now abandoned him, i am so truly sorry that their romance was not satisfactory for your vision of atypical romance (which, by the way, is literally reinforcing the restrictive romantic tropes you think you’re criticizing, so good job i guess). i would be much, much more concerned if jester and fjord Weren’t clearly dismayed.

e) both fjord and jester are individuals whose entire lives and character are defined by the expectation (both external and internal) that they behave and emote a certain way. that they’re in a relationship with someone who they feel that they can show that they are frustrated with or disagree on the layout of their house with or have different ideas on how to deal with the looming threat of a demigod is incredible. jester and fjord are emblematic of a relationship in which the characters Aren’t meant to be, but they Want to be together and they want to understand and support the other person so they work at it. we wouldn’t have conversations like “you seem disheartened..” “i am very disheartened! you almost died!” if they didn’t take the time and care to communicate with one another.

f) if you want a honeymoon era joyful queer romance, yasha and beau are right there! they are explicitly horny and in love and bright about it! if queerness is your measure of “trope breaking” i am very sorry to tell you that queer people partake in white picket fences, and i’d actually argue that in terms of Lifestyle Metaphor, beauyasha are more adherent to the whitepicket fence, nuclear familyism. this isn’t a detriment to them, just, very literally, beau works a 9-5 where she comes back to her housewife who gardens and cooks dinner and their future includes explicit reference to children. comparatively, fjord wants to address some issues in his past, jester is an artist, and both of them are interested in adventure for the foreseeable future.

g) if you truly think that a single part of laura’s description of the part-time abode of fjord and jester overrides every interaction and choice that both laura and travis make towards fjord and jester caring for each other in a deep and meaningful way that goes beyond the weird fandom constructed Man/Woman characters being portrayed by a married couple i truly, Truly have no idea why you even watch the many hours of content that cr is when you could… play/write your own shit.

[utilitycaster]

@just-a-moon-phase replied to your post “I have a lot of things in fandom I'd call "Brown...”:

please OP, where is the theory... I am listening...

​re: having a theory about why using non-canon nicknames cor characters specifically tends to be technically harmless and minor but also is really frequently a signal that someone's takes will be bad:

I think it's that it's both a quick shortcut to indicate intimacy, but it's also really generic and often out of character for those doing it.

To use Caleb as an example: not only did various German speakers in the fandom (of which I am not one) say that it's just not really a common thing linguistically/culturally, the nicknames people tended to use (usually at the time for Veth) were intended by the writers to be fond and platonic but were often either the sort of thing you'd only say in a romantic context, or else were nicknames very much intended for one's own children.

However, more importantly, Caleb very, very specifically doesn't really use nicknames in canon. He in fact frequently calls Beau "Beauregard". During a very emotional moment at the time of her transformation, he specifically uses Nott/Veth's full name. He refers to two of the characters we know he had romantic feelings for, Jester and Essek, by only their last names on at least one occasion, which reads to American audiences as either formal or perhaps fratty, but distinctly not romantic. As @essektheylyss said at some point, Caleb tends to use epithets a lot though mostly when talking about someone in the third person (eg: "our Kryn friend,") and the closest we ever get to any term of endearment is him saying "my friend," which again sounds quite formal. Caleb in general gets more formal with those he loves, not less. It's a great character detail, and anyone who peppers "spatz" into their fic like it's going out of style kind of comes off as, to put it kindly, not very good at finding characters' voices. Unfortunately, that is in my opinion literally one of like two things you cannot fuck up in fanfic for it to be good; if you don't get the voice right, then even if it succeeds as a story it fails utterly as fanfiction.

Anyway Caleb is a really good illustrative example because it's so clear from canon that this isn't his voice, but it applies anywhere. It's a sign that this person is cutting corners instead of actually establishing a base from which there will be a rewarding payoff.

(will say: this also, bizarrely, often applies to people who called Trent Ickythong/Ickythot or people who call Ludinus Luda, though it's much less reliable there. I feel it's similarly like, people who rely on shortcuts and the idea that the fandom will agree with them because these are clear villains, and never actually go deep enough to come up with an argument. Like in the end it always just feels like a cheap and insubstantial discussion.)

[doofnoof]

One of my favorite personal DCA headcanons is that Moon is Like That™ because he's a Jester and they put him in the one position that is fundamentally not meant to have any attention paid to it. He's the Naptime Attendant. His job is to make children fall asleep and stay in bed, there might've been a storytime but it wouldn't have been long, and then Moon would have to skulk around the darkness making sure no one got out of bed, which goes against what he was literally built to do, because he only gets Attention when a child is Misbehaving or for Storytime.

Don't get it twisted though, Moon was meant to play The Villain on stage, and I don't believe he was ever Soft or Nice per se, he's just always been Spooky. But also putting him in a situation where he can only get someone's attention when he's punishing them was a Very. Bad. Idea.

If Sun were in Moon's position, he'd make a better Naptime Attendant. He's still nightmare fuel, but he doesn't thrive on it, his job was to be The Hero, The Protagonist, The Good Guy™ and he would do what he felt he must to fulfill his role as The Naptime Attendant. I also believe that just like Moon, he would absolutely farm some children for remnant, if that's what we're gonna call it. He was willing to throw Gregory to the wolves after he disobeyed and turned the lights off, dooming the poor kid to actual factual death (if not for Freddy, who I don't believe Sun was aware of), I think he and Moon are both extremely morally grey, they just play up different sides of it.

For the record Moon would also suck as a Playtime Attendant, because he's scary, but he'd also likely be less likely to, ahem, "farm remnant" when people are around to see. He'd absolutely thrive on all of the attention, though he'd be just as stressed as Sun with all of the rule breaking and commotion! If you tried to take attention away from Sun he'd go off the rails just as hard as Moon did.

This isn't a jab at anyone else's personal headcanons either, not a character hate post, I just think Sun and Moon are the most fun when neither of them are Good People, and I think both of them are unsuitable for any position other than Stage Animatronic, which makes the fact that they were canonly moved to the Daycare even funnier. Every corporate decision in Security Breach reads like a dark humor skit.

[athena-xox]

The most annoying characters in eah

This is not my opinion this is genuine fact. I don’t mean that in a joking way.

Apple White: this is obvious. I mean she forced destiny on to people, then has character development then has a fucking To Coda or whatever and goes onto the same bs she started on.

Holly O’Hair: in the show she was cool. I don’t mean that as in ‘I like her’ or ‘she has a cool design’ like genuinely, she was cool as fuck, which the other characters thought as well. But in the books… I 100% that either everyone found her extremely annoying or she was on the spectrum (WHICH COULD HAVE BEEN SUCH COOL REPRESENTATION IF DONE CORRECTLY). Like her whole personality was ‘I’m a ✨wrITer✨. I don’t feel that fact checking rn (what im about to say is right just aren’t examples drawn from the book) but she would randomly use words like serendipity and indubitably. And also someone asked POPPY how she got into being a hairdresser and Holly started telling Poppy’s life story. AND IT WAS LIKE A WHOLE CHAPTER LONG OF HOLLY JUST SAYING NOTHING.

Ginger Breadhouse: same thing with Holly. Fine in the series but in the books… okay actually she’s not that bad. But she was lowkey a pick me. Just her internal monologue. I just didn’t like how 13 year old girl she was over hopper. She made such a big deal for what. Anyways the part of kiss and spell where ginger kisses hopper and she’s his true love but everyone thinks it’s briar… stupid af. Lowkey briar x ginger.

Sparrow Hood: I mean this is literally canon. I would find some random redhead constantly screeching with an electric guitar that somehow always has an amplifier annoying too.

Courtley Jester: her voice alone is annoying

Justine Dancer: what do you mean to tell me ‘Justine Dancer, the youngest of the twelve dancing sisters […] But who does not yet know her fairytale destiny.’ (Moonlight Mystery). My girl be lacking braincells. Especially since she’s a double Royal people would be so sick of her wondering her destiny. Hmm you have 11 older sisters and your mom was a dancing princess… I wonder what your destiny could possibly be.

Meeshell Mermaid: again with the inner monologue. ‘In sea we all sing beautiful choir together and everyone’s voice is equally beautiful, except for Coral that’s why she’s the sea witch 🎀🐠. But fsr on land my voice is the most beautiful ever’ and don’t forget the ‘no headmaster Grimm I don’t want any Accommodations for being a mermaid because ppl will treat me differently *cutely forgets that’s there’s literally fairies, witch, ogres, giants at eah and she’s nothing special* so because I’m don’t excepting any accommodations people are treating me weird because I need accommodations to fit in’. Also her singing is shit.

Gus + Helga Crumb: self explanatory

Tw: controversial opinion

Cerise Hood: ⛓️I’m so different🐺 💔no one understands me🐾 I’m sorry but she legit talks and thinks like this. Also I can’t remember if it was the year book or royals & rebels but like there was a catagory that said bffa’s and cerise put something along the lines of ‘I could never have friends no one would know the true me.’ And then raven legit put Cerise down as one of her bffa’s. Cerise bffr. She’s so Wattpad alpha female coded

[icyfox17]

New tag game bc I'm bored

List 5-10 of the most obscure crossovers you have floating around in your brain !!

1. Dumbass!crimeboys x halcyon!crimeboys

-> arguably the most obscure since it's a crossover between two aus that aren't even posted publicly, but i gen adore it sm<3 db!crimeboys is a hero au where tommy is just. Welp. A dumbass<3 he's my fav tommy ever guys 😭😭 he's my friend's au and I just SOBS most precious guy ever... And halcyon crimeboys is a detective au. Basically take the dumbest tommy and tired older brother Wilbur and make them meet the smartest crimeboys. It's very silly:))

2. Psych x Dsmp

-> okay hear me out. Hear me out. Shawn Spencer is literally Tommyinnit. They are the SAME. Now Phil as Chief Vic, Techno and Wilbur as twin detectives who both function as Jules and Lassiter (platonic ofc), and Tubbo as Gus. It fits way better than it should 😭😭

3. Critical Role (specifically Mighty Nein) x Dsmp

-> guys. Guys. I went on a rant on here like a year ago BUT CADUCEUS AND TECHNO'S CHARACTER DESIGNS ARE EERILY SIMILAR TO EACH OTHER. Tall pink dude w animal traits (cad is more cow, tech is more pig)? Cad is like c!Phil and c!Techno to me... (Is it bc of the tea obsession? Maybe...). I just also think that clingyduo would get along with Jester and Nott/Veth like a wildfire. OR OMG FOOLISH-- Does anyone remember Foolish building dick statues everywhere?? Yeah, he's definitely a follower of the Traveler.

4. 911xMCU

-> okay ngl guys this just came 2 me bc I realised that everyone calls Bobby Cap like how all the Avengers call Steve Cap and I was like lmfao imagine a scene where someone says Cap and they both respond to it.

5. Cw Flash x Pjo

-> okay this isn't my idea but it's one of my fav fics ever WHY DOES IT WORK SO WELL LMFAO

6. Spider-Man x Dick Grayson & Wally West

-> PETER IS LITERALLY DICK AND WALLY IN ONE PERSON 😭😭 SUPER SMART SCIENCE BRAIN + SILLY GOOFY + ACROBATS they're the same. I need them to meet so badly sobsosbsosbsosvsosbsosbsisbsjs Not sure which versions of which I just. Need it. Pls 😭😭😭

7. Justice League Unlimited x Young Justice (tv show)

-> This one has its own separate post here, but omg it makes me SO UPSET GUYS 😭😭😭

8. TMNT x Batfam

Okay not obscure bc they have had both a movie and a comic BUT HEAR ME OUT. SPECFICALLY THE 2007 MOVIE VERSION OF TMNT. This scene is literally Dick and Jason I can't do this guys WHY DO THEIR COLOURS EVEN MATCH

9. Dceu!Bruce & Barry x MCU!Irondad

-> okay my mental illness is full blast here but omfg they are the same duo THEY ARE THE SAME I need them to swap sons for a day plspslspslspspspdlfkfdishskdfjdksklaskd

10. Any vigilante au Tommy x Spider-Man

-> this is hidden in my notes app and is both like my own version of Tommy and Spidey but omfg I'm attached it's such a fun idea to play around with rahhhshshshss. I have a scene where Tommy and Spidey have a miscommunication over Blade lmfao and it lives rent free in my mind. Like Blade is a vampire but does NOT dress the same as Technoblade who might also secretly be a vampire in Tommy's universe lmfaooo

Okay and Bonus One that literally no one will understand except me

11. Magnum PI remake x Orphanduo (Techno and Skeppy)

-> Katsumoto is literally Technoblade guys. THEY ARE THE SAME PERSON. And omfg Magnum and Higgens are so happy duo ngl 😭😭😭

OKAY THAT'S ALL FOR NOW YIPPEE

Tag time :D

@sammiekel @jiksvokrat @cristalmystery @ghosts-and-blue-sweaters @sleepdeprivedofmycorn @sunflowervc @angrilydancing and anyone else who wants to join in!!

[wordsandrobots]

I just wanted to say I have so much respect for the incredible essays and fic you write for IBO, and I’m so grateful you’re in this fandom.

I was wondering, have you talked previously about McGillis’ line of “Is there such thing as true happiness and fake happiness?” especially when considered alongside his line of wanting to make Almiria happy? If not, what do you make of that?

It’s been floating around in my head ever since I watched the show, but I haven’t been able to figure out exactly what to make of it and haven’t had the time to rewatch the show yet.

Thank you! My brain has been set to overdrive on the subject of Iron-Blooded Orphans for more than three years now (please send help) so I'm not sure I could have stopped if I tried.

Anyway. Oh boy. That line. No, I haven't written commentary on it previously, at least not directly. But it underpins literally everything I've done in terms of fanfic spiralling out of McGillis' actions, so I have thought about it quite a lot.

For me -- apart from being the moment Gaelio realises precisely how far he's fucked everything up -- that question is the distillation of McGillis as a character. And as much as he says it about his treatment of Almira, it also serves as an excellent vector for examining McGillis and Gaelio's changing relationship throughout the entire show, specifically with regard to why Gaelio is Always Wrong (TM) about his best-friend-turned-mortal-enemy.

The context here is important, since this final scene is the one point in the entire show where we can uncomplicatedly say McGillis is being completely open. He's lost. He's dying. Everything he hoped to achieve has fallen to pieces. Visually, he's been stripped back to his child self, hair fallen wild and expression dulled. This is McGillis undone. It no longer matters what he does or how he presents, so he's finally able to be honest with Gaelio. All the masks are off.

Gaelio, of course, is in full avenger mode, demanding McGillis stay alive long enough to look directly at the consequences of his actions and face his crimes. And McGillis finally admits that all the jumping up and down and masked-ghost shenanigans was unnecessary: he'd *always* seen Gaelio and always held affection for him. He wasn't some cold traitor, saying all the right things to get close enough to stab everyone in the back. Gaelio and Carta were his friends, and though that was anathema to his desire for power, it wasn't a fraud. He even promised to make Gaelio's sister happy for the sake of their friendship.

The English dub script adds the phrase 'no matter the cost' to the end of this statement and I think that's a very acute sentiment, given McGillis nearly dies sooner due to the wound he suffered stopping Almiria from killing herself. His own actions prove he means what he says: even at the cost of harm to himself, he was determined to honour his word on at least this point.

Predictably, Gaelio responds by reiterating the accusation of McGillis spreading delusions. Any happiness McGillis gave to Almiria could only be fake (due to the scheming, backstabbing, brother-murdering and so on). Which leads McGillis to asking, does it matter?

Are there such things as true and fake happiness?

I mentioned masks. For Gaelio, that's a literal object, a disguise to conceal his survival (from anybody who doesn't have the official height chart to hand, at least), that is literally discarded at this point. But for McGillis, the masks always run deeper. Indeed, if there's one thing we can say about his Montag persona and the attendant jester's visage, it's that it allows him to act more like he really wants to, to the point he starts getting a little giddy.

No, for him, masking is performance. Acting. The construction of a surface persona to meet the demands of the situation he's in. Gaelio draws attention to this when describing how McGillis changed as they grew into teenagers, opting to actively fit in with the social scene around them and only seeming to share his 'true' feelings when the two were alone. As the audience, though, we can trace his chameleonic nature back further. In the montage of McGillis' past, we see him adapting to the various situations he is forced into, first by teaching himself to commit violence to establish dominance, then by cultivating studiousness. It seems unlikely McGillis being chosen as Iznario's heir was disconnected from how hard he worked on building himself up in order to survive. Learning how to navigate social and political environments is a natural progression of these efforts.

That this *is* conscious construction is key. Because McGillis also sets out to transform himself into the ideal Agnika Kaieru represents. Ultimately this culminates in physically altering his body so he can use Gundam Bael, but it's far more than that. He trains himself in the two-sword fighting style Agnika used, long before he's anywhere near achieving his goal. He immerses himself in Gjallarhorn's hierarchy and assists skilled, lower-class officers like Isurugi. He dispenses with his childhood sombreness in favour of an authoritative, rigorous, charismatic professional persona. All of this serves his goal of achieving absolute power, yes. It's also about shaping himself into what he thinks he should be -- the embodiment of the characteristics he attributes to Agnika.

There are a few positive aspects to this. Gaelio, operating on the assumption McGillis is a cynical back-stabber, thinks he goes to Mars to survey the mobile armour situation for personal gain. But in truth McGillis goes to ensure Hashmal doesn't awaken. It's the kind of move someone in Gjallarhorn *should* make, so he does. That he is later inspired to go after the Order of the Seven Stars as Gaelio originally imagined he intended is a reaction to things spiralling out of control and exciting him with the world's most ill-advised historical re-enactment; it's not where he comes into the situation. Likewise, he seems to have been a fairly good inspector, exposing corrupt officers like Coral and later doing due diligence on pulling the Outer Earth Orbit Regulatory Joint Fleet (oh cripes I can write than from memory) into proper fighting shape.

At the same time, it means McGillis is always dishonest with other people. He's always got an angle, is always holding something back, always tries to fit everyone into his plans, somehow. Even when he is truthful (such as saying he's admired Carta for treating him as an equal when they were kids or sharing his faith in Agnika's principles with Almiria), there are other factors to consider. His scheme to gain power inside Gjallarhorn, his need to keep things running smoothly, his obsession with being the individual who can transform the world -- these are in play right up until he is bleeding out on the floor.

It's natural, given this, to ask 'who is the true McGillis?' What really exists underneath the layers of performance? However, I think doing so is to repeat a lot of Gaelio's mistakes because, as we eventually find out, McGillis himself fails to draw a meaningful boundary between 'real' and 'fake'.

He promised Gaelio he'd take care of Almiria while in the act of killing him. It was politically prudent to maintain the engagement and he also considered Gaelio a true friend, so there's good reason to honour the promise. On top of that, Almiria is someone he appears to care greatly for, perhaps out of fellow-feeling since she is as much a pawn in others' games as he once was. Thus, her happiness becomes one of his chief goals. To this end, he accommodates her wishes to be seen as a grown-up lady (as imagined by a nine-year-old) and explains how what he is doing will benefit them both. He goes so far as to stop her from harming herself once his deception is exposed, promising that one day, she will be truly happy despite everything.

And the next time he refers to Almiria in any way -- the last time, prior to his final confrontation with Gaelio -- it is to internally chide her for being so troublesome as to leave him with a wound that negatively affects his battlefield performance. Placed alongside his earlier lines to her and the act of putting his hand in the way of the dagger she aimed at her throat, it's an *incredibly* dismissive reaction. It would be easy to read this as him having only pretended to care about Almiria all along, concealing a real disdain. Except, again -- he put his hand in the way of that dagger, without hesitation.

What's going on here?

Well, McGillis presents in whichever way he needs to in order to navigate his circumstances, saying whatever he thinks is most likely to get the outcome he wants. That's his base state for interacting with the world, as a consequence of growing up the way he did. Seeing no distinction in the veracity of happiness speaks to a very outcome-focused view on human interaction. What difference does it make if a positive reaction is prompted by sincerity or by moulding oneself into a form best suiting the other person? They're still happy. Or giving the appearance of it. That's enough, right?

We eventually see this approach fail with Tekkadan, owing to McGillis' misunderstandings about them. Towards the end of the show, stripped of material superiority, his appeals to their fighting spirit fall flat. He tries to sway them on the level he thinks they operate (pride, desire for power, strength of will) rather than the shared loyalty and familial bonds that actually drive them forward. He simply doesn't realise the things they have pursued were always a means to an end -- each other's safety -- rather than the end itself.

That failure highlights both how important it is to engage with the reality of what you're trying to manipulate (the critical distinction separating him from Rustal) and how genuine McGillis is about his stated goals. He really does want to become the all-powerful leader of Gjallarhorn and believes that will allow him to make the world better. He'd do anything to achieve it. Just like he really means to ensure Almiria's happiness, however much he needs to cover up and present differently -- or even suffer physical harm -- to do so.

That right there is the fundamental problem with how Gaelio sees him throughout Season 2. He doesn't get that McGillis' performances are not strictly falsehoods but tools used to obtain the outcome he's proclaiming to anyone who'll listen. The act may be pieced together from truth or lies or force of strength; what matters is that it *works*.

I spent my essay about Agnika focusing on McGillis' ideology. What the true/false happiness line exemplifies is his methodology or, more strictly, the survival strategy he adapted into a generalised approach. It's the Tekkadan strategy error -- applying the same methods over and over in situations where they are increasingly counter-productive -- writ on a subtler scale. A compulsive need to treat every interpersonal encounter as having a specific outcome, where the actual content, the human connection, and the emotional impact lose any significance beyond 'if X then Y'.

The kicker being that, when McGillis does have to deal with genuine emotions on their own terms, he shoves them as far away from himself as he can. Carta and Gaelio should have been his closest allies and loyalist supporters, not to mention a positive impact on his wellbeing due to, you know, actually caring about him as a person. Instead, he kills/tries to kill them, not just because their deaths serve his ambitions but because they gave him something other than his ambitions -- full stop. Something else. And he couldn't have both.

McGillis could not build himself into the perfect embodiment of individualism while keeping his friends close. He couldn't continue to persist on an outcome-focused approach with unprompted, un-targeted happiness just happening to him. From everything else about his character, I'm not sure he could ever have trusted the feelings Carta and Gaelio induced in him. Far better to construct the happiness he thought he wanted. Far safer. Far more natural, for someone under no illusions about the world's hypocrisies, or what people do in order to survive.

The tragedy is that this is an inescapable problem. McGillis was always going to chose the constructed ideal future over the reality that lay within touching distance. The damage, for that's what this is, was done long before anyone who cared was in a position to intervene. This is somebody who'd execute the people he cares for and who cannot understand his best friend crying over his dying admission of affection, any more than he can grasp why being willing to do anything to ensure a little girl's happiness isn't necessarily laudable. Where would you even begin trying to unpick that?

Which of course is exactly what makes him so effective within this story. There's a paradox at the heart of McGillis, which is part of why I've never tried to write his perspective in my fic, where he manages to be profoundly honest and chronically self-deluding, the signifiers of a manipulative bastard twisted around into . . . I don't really want to call it pathology because I think that undersells the active choice to be who he is. But we see how he got there, the trauma that went into making him, how different aspects of it meshed together, shaping him one after the other. It's not just the homelessness, or the sexual assault, or being trafficked, or being made a pawn in a political game, or fixating on a historical figure. It's all of them put together, and I think it's a fantastic bit of character work.

There simply isn't a solution. Just an inescapable arc towards disaster, and the devastation of a pair of siblings who each loved him more dearly than he could possibly conceptualise.

-----

That's more or less where I land on things, anyway. Hopefully this was mostly coherent, as rambles go? Like with everything to do with McGillis, I can never just pull one thread. The man's a living rats-nest, which I love about him but does make it difficult to be succinct!

Thank you very much for the ask, and for your kind words. I will admit to feeling a degree of 'if there's no active fandom for this show, I'll damn well do it myself' when I started writing the fic and the essays, so it delights me no end to know there are people getting a kick out of them. :)

[toaarcan]

Every now and then I see the Capitalism Ruined Tieflings post float past and my brain just goes "Skill Issue."

For context, this is a popular post that states that in D&D's second and third editions, Tieflings had a huge variety of appearances and then in 4e they were homogenised into generic devil-people because Hasbro was calling the shots and demanded that Tieflings all look relatively the same because that way it was easier to sell minis of them, and now Tieflings are ruined forever because you can't make one with greasy skin that smells like farts.

But here's the thing: You can absolutely still just do that.

"But the book says-"

Fuck the book! This hobby is 50% improv and the highest authority you'll ever have to deal with is most likely going to be your friend Jim, when it comes to pure roleplay things, there is literally nothing stopping you. The D&D Police aren't going to kick down your door and haul you off to RPG Jail for the crime of not playing a Tiefling like they're described in the PHB, because there is no D&D Police.

The PHB is great for telling you what you get mechanically (or the "crunch") and can be entirely ignored for everything in terms of lore (or the "fluff").

I've been playing 5e for something like seven or eight years now, and during that time, across all those groups, we've used vanishingly small amounts of official lore, one official setting, and precisely zero Hasbro miniatures (largely because all of those games have been online).

If I had gone to any of those DMs, both the good and bad ones, and said "I wanna use the Planescape Tiefling tables for my character's appearance", I don't think any of them would've said no. Now, that's not something I personally would ever do (I'm not leaving my character's design up to the RNG that hates me), but I don't doubt that the option would exist if I wanted it.

Additionally, people have always broken from the official limitations of the books with these things, and a few really obvious ways.

Per the books, Tieflings have the full range of human skin tones, plus varying shades of red. Now, how many people actually keep to that limitation? I've seen blue, purple, orange, green, yellow, bone white, grey, black, pink, etcetera. Even the Planescape table only gives you red, green, and blue, random 5e players going "What if it was purple!" and disregarding the PHB is fully and openly accepted.

Hell, two of the most prominent Tiefling characters in the current era of D&D are Jester and Molly from CritRole's second campaign, who are blue and purple respectively. "Tieflings are just red" says Hasbro, and "No they aren't" says literally everybody else. Even Hasbro themselves don't care too much about it, there's an official Lego D&D Tiefling minifigure coming out this year, and they're orange, not red, when Hasbro could easily have demanded that Lego make them red.

Additionally, the book says Tiefling eyes are a single, solid colour, with no visible iris, pupil, or sclera. Yeah that one gets ignored a whole lot too. In fact, that one gets ignored more than it gets followed. I've made at least ten of these fuckers and one of them followed that rule, and only did so after her Sorcerer bloodline activated, and nobody, DM or player, has ever called me out on it.

The book says nothing about them having weird legs, I've still seen plenty with varying forms of digitigrade gait, whether it's with hooves or something else at the end of them.

If you want to make your Planescape Tieflings, then you absolutely still can. And if your DM says no, then they're probably just still in their Rules Stickler phase. Give 'em a little time and they'll loosen up, it happened to most people in this hobby.

That's the great thing about playing D&D. Most of the time, you really can just do whatever the hell you like as long as it doesn't futz with the mechanical side of things (and sometimes you can do it with that too).

Capitalism didn't ruin Tieflings. Sure, you can argue that it tried, but the only thing letting it succeed is a lack of imagination and an unwillingness to go "Hey, can I just do X instead" on the part of the players.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go make a character that's mechanically a Tiefling and lore-wise a completely different species, because nothing can stop me doing that.

[unicyclehippo]

top 5 moments of your fave character from each cr campaign

oh u DO think my memory is better than it is but i will give it a go

1. c1 - everything vex has ever done. when vex rises up out of the ocean on her wedding day, furious, & summons a bow made of light & pike gives her a golden arrow to shoot sylas……h-hot. woman hot. delilah WAS a bitch. i am a twin myself & that whole deal was..a lot for me. do not go far from me. there’s a kind of loneliness that only twins get to feel & vex&vax nailed that.

2. c2 - beau with her shitty strength steps back into the room w the laughing hand & hauls her BROTHR her CAPTAIN her FRIEND onto her shoulders & gets him out of there she goes BACK for him she has no MAGIC she LOVES him she risks everything to get her hands on him & pull him away she risks an awful death she would die for any of them she means it she proves it she loves so hard her hands are in fists all the time she can’t let people see what she wants she can’t let people see that she wants she takes her bloodied hands& picks up her FRIEND & gets him OUT she LOVES him.

3. also c2 jester cupcake moment. i think it’s the only moment in cr where everything just….clicked. to me, that’s THE jester moment. everything stripped away. that’s CHARACTER baby that’s the good shit.

4. c3 laudna in the tree matt giving up his seat for her to speak to imogen for the most brutal like. ten seconds ever. laudna hunger of the shadow the first time. Marisha does this thing where she like. visibly dissociates for like. i don’t rmbr. i want to say fully forty minutes but that might just be me having felt it so powerfully. ten minutes ? the way she diminishes her presence, hides at the table, sits SO perfectly still. my heart aches.

5. exu calamity laerryn BLIGHT. who has done more in the history of exandria? who has changed the world more than her? NO ONE. NO. ONE. who had the power the skill the vision the LOVE to do what she did, to see avalir move not only over the face of the world but between every world? That ALONE would put her into top tier. & then yeah ok with a single spell she broke the pen that wrote the runes of protection across the world & shattered the ancient tree but who hasn’t wanted to kill a tree that was killing their friends? everyone would do that. it hurt her friend it hurt her husband (ex) it KEPT her BEST FRIEND in its BRANCHES who she has tried EVERYTHING to save. so yeah FUCK that tree! & then when everything went to shit she SAVED the world. she SAVED THE WORLD. laerryn literally has done the most anyone has ever done. & in some ways she did succeed in making it so that people could travel between realms im just saying she very much did succeed at that even if there were a few consequences

[helloiamadrawer]

Kinger Tweaking Headcanons (PART 2)

Warnings: some angst, slight addiction, kinger almost having a breakdown/slight abstraction, attempted suicide

A/n: this is very long so strap in!

Ever since he took that first hit of the joint Kinger saw colors that he has never saw before and within seconds his worries washed away, he was in heaven. every night he would head to his pillow fort and smoke a little of it of what became more in time and then sleep....well, sort of since you don't really need to sleep in the digital world ofc. He was never startled by the other characters or NPCs he was so unexpectedly chill..

Sometimes so chill, a certain jester or doll felt that something was off with him but that didn't matter to him right?

Caine ofc paid no attention to this as being an AI would mean not being able to experience suspicion

So this is how Zooble feels every day, this feels great

But for some reason it would always wear off in the day and then his paranoia comes back and he's back to his same old self. So what does he do now? Caine is most active in the day so he would have to go somewhere that Caine doesn't venture to a lot just for one minute to smuggle some good stuff, then get back out there and get through the "fun" adventures. Suddenly he remembers hes been here in this digital hell the longest so there must be a shortcut.

And it was no other than The Void, he contemplates that he's seen a door on the floor that leads instantly to the blank space in the circus but where?

The feeling of being high was leaving him and for some reason, it started eating at him like he needed more. He needs to find that door and fast without raising any suspicion so who knows doors any more than Jax. He didn't care if he was going to act like his sassy little self today he needs to know now

He gets info from Jax and he hands him the key to the floor door. Then at night he searches for the location which was literally UNDER HIS PILLOWFORT all this time it was blended in with the checkerboard tile and he didn't even notice it at all!

Few days later smoking the "Mary Jane", the chess piece has been acting more...strange lately, whenever someone asks him anything he'll either jump as if he hiding something or acts aggressive and that is very out of character for Kinger one day he actually snapped at Pomni and he felt a slight twitch of something dark in his eye and so he runs over to the nearest mirror, his eyes were bloodshot and within his pupil it was black and glitchy.

No, no it can't be, he thought drugs did nothing that would cause abstraction and he liked doing it, he would do anything to feel "new" again. The drug has fogged his mind with nothing but wanting to feel the colors and the relaxing sensation but then again it makes him violent and now he's inflicted it on a friend.

He had no choice but to rid himself, no way he was going to tell Caine what he did because he just wanted to be calm for once. On one windy stormy day, he climbed the top of the tent and thought of how much he'll actually miss the circus and everyone ,his body shivers as tears pricked his eyes as he squeezes them shut and puts a gun to his head from his robe pocket.

"Goodbye, everyone.."

"KINGER WAIT!" yelled Ragatha followed Pomni along with Zooble who was probably the most concerned cause she was the one almost at the point of stupendous concern like her grumpy demeanor disappeared. "What are you doing?! This isn't you!" Pomni cried out in a panicked tone as she was witnessing one of her comrades going over the edge emotionally.

Ragatha ran to him panicked, tears streaming down her face that were only blended with the rain as she stopped and placed a gentle hand on his shoulder as her voice trembled in fear and sadness, "Kinger..please..tell me what's going on..I promise we won't tell Caine any of this just..what has got you to be like this?"

The doll convinces him to come back inside the tent and let him vent to the crew about how he turned to a certain substance to keep his mind relaxed while Gangle made tea (she makes matcha green tea, yes it's canon now.) A while later, Jax joins the rest of the cast and slyly takes the gun out of Kinger's pocket and goes, "Oh, so that's where my gag gun went. Thanks for keeping it for me Kinger.''. He pulls the trigger and out popped a flag that said 'BANG!'.

After the group departs, Zooble and Kinger are the only ones left. Silence gathered around them until Zooble apologized to him

"uh, hey, I don't know if you will ever forgive me for this but i should have found something that was not a factor of causing symptoms of abstraction...i'm really sorry KInger, I didn't mean to-"

"it's okay."

''What? Really?" Zooble asked surprised.

"Well, it's not the first time I had drugs ever since i crashed down here, I understand now that I don't need a high to keep my cool, I have you guys." Kinger reassured and pulled Zooble in for a hug. how could he forgive me for such an unforgivable act? I guess Kinger has ways of letting things go, I should be grateful i could have been shoved into the cellar.

Pomni and Ragatha tell Caine that Kinger accidentally got shoved into the Void during one of his adventures and how his eye started glitching when they found him, so Caine fixed him up right away.

"Y'know uh, Kinger, if you ever feel paranoid or scared, you can always talk to me, i'm not really doing anythi-we're not doing anything." she chuckles nervously as she gestures to Ragatha and Gangle. The chess piece puts one of his floating hands on her shoulder, his eyes sparkled as if he was grinning at his caring group of friends.

"Pomni..thank you.."

[15-lizards]

please do more gender swaps omg how fucked up do u think the greyjoys would get. personally i just know fem aerons slay would be lethal

A bunch of fem Greyjoys in a heightened masculine culture I want to chew on this (also I know they’re diff races but we can just pretend they’re half sisters)

Bellona Greyjoy might be the worst but she’s also suffered more than jesus. Like she’s literally the eldest of nine daughters on the brutally aggressive and hyper masculine iron islands she’s allowed to be a little crazy. Had to develop a very blunt, abrasive, stubborn personality from an early age just to keep her head above the water. Did everything the men did and did it all at an earlier age, just to prove herself a capable heir. Fighting, sailing, and reaping were all learned very quickly. She took the Seastone chair after her father died during the rebellion, and managed to keep most dissent at bay. To please her vassals and to fuel her own pride, she had the islands return to the Old Way, shunning the reforms her father had made. This let her believe that Roberts rule was unstable and the kingdoms were ripe for the picking, leading to her own rebellion. Even after two children die and another is taken hostage she decides it’s a good idea to do it all over again nine years later. Leave her alone she’s mentally fractured.

Don’t say you like crazy women if you can’t handle Eydis Greyjoy. She never had to try as hard as Bellona, she just knew that she commanded power, fear, and respect without even trying (which means she’s especially insane). She commanded her own ships during Roberts Rebellion, but afterwards, there was quite a bit of trouble with her and one of Victaria’s husbands, leading to her banishment by Bellona, who never had much affection for her to begin with. She has since then been exploring and pillaging all of the known world with her loyal men on the Silence, claiming she has seen an experienced more than any other explorer ever could. After her elder sisters mysterious death (which coincides with her mysterious arrival) Eydis stands for the Kingsmoot, claiming she is the better choice than any of her sisters or nieces. The islanders, seeing her more as a bold and cunning man instead of a woman, they choose her for their king.

Victaria took a leaf out of Eydis’ book and became a respected soldier and captain without much effort due to her aggressive and brash character, but she lacks the cunning and wits of her elder sister. As dumb as she is, she is still a fearsome warrior, unafraid of death and even respecting her enemies who die with bravery. She follows Bellona without question, believing in the greatness of her elder sister. However she doesn’t have the same reverence for Eydis, hating how her sister would poke fun at her “womanly genius” in front of her own men. (There’s a lot of internalized misogyny going on on these islands if you couldn’t tell). All three of her husbands have died in and the only child she had was stillborn. She has salt wives of her own, but when Eydis seduced her third husband, she nearly killed her sister but she was banished instead due to Victaria’s fear of the sin of kinslaying. Her husband, however, was killed by Victaria herself, enraged that he allowed another woman to have him.

Aerona was once a wild, brash girl like the rest of her sisters. She enjoyed to drink and dance and juggle and jape, to flirt with her fathers men, to ride horses wildly, and to sail on treacherous waters. Her sisters often called her a better fit as the kings court jester. However, during her sisters rebellion, her ship was capsized and she nearly drowned of the coast of Fair Isle, washing ashore and being taken prisoner by the Lannisters. This near death changed her, becoming an ascetic, cold, hard young woman, taking up the mantle of a priestess of the drowned god. She spends her time preaching the path of her god, spurning any behavior which she doesn’t consider pious. Despite the iron islanders general lack of respect for women, she is widely revered for her priesthood and men often come to her asking for her blessings. She seems to enjoy none of her sisters, but is especially fearful of Eydis, running away when she comes back from exile

(Ignore the modern clothes I just wanted the face claim) (also yes I’m using the same pic from my other fem theon face claim but I just like it so much) Bonus Asha and Thea. Cocky asshole hostage Thea who wants to be the son her mother raised her and her sisters to be, but Bellona despises her for forgetting the old ways and assimilating to the starks. Doubly stings because she treats Asha like a proper son and heir but not her. Does everything for mommy’s approval and ends up a shell of her former shelf :/ causal Iron Islander Tuesday