#literally ab to start killing people for her

[thesolarstorm]

Collection of non au specific Pixal hcs I have BC she's practically my brand (probably part 1)

Randomly punches Jay, Kai and Cole, and then pretends nothing happened (this is BC of the shit ass teasing she had to SEE LIVE from Zane's head and like... Yeah <3 her main targets are Jay and Kai BC Cole was less of an arse to Zane, the pretending nothing happened is more just to emulate the fact that they didn't seem to care AB how Zane reacted to their teasing) (And she's strong af this isn't just light joking punches, she gave Kai a nosebleed once. Girlie leaves bruises.)

☆ﾟ⁠.⁠*⁠･⁠｡ﾟ

Small... Like .. 5'4 mby... (Not that small, slightly shorter than me but like almost a foot and a half shorter than Zane bc y not)

☆ﾟ⁠.⁠*⁠･⁠｡ﾟ

Her Sam X Armour is thinner compared to Nya's, mostly BC she's a robot but she's quite chunky and armoured without the armour after rebuilding herself anyway.

☆ﾟ⁠.⁠*⁠･⁠｡ﾟ

Hnnnsnfnmnfffhh reaches for black pixal HC (like human disguise skin tone yk gigglessss)

☆ﾟ⁠.⁠*⁠･⁠｡ﾟ

When in human disguise she still has her glowy purple pattern stuff visible (idk I just like making it obvious that she's still a robot)

☆ﾟ⁠.⁠*⁠･⁠｡ﾟ

She just really enjoys any and all life, even to the point of a little jealousy (common HC but I'm just ONNGGGG)

☆ﾟ⁠.⁠*⁠･⁠｡ﾟ

She doesn't need a bed, or a room at all, the only reason she has one is because Zane begged to have one built for her (see HC above, BC like we all know bbg.. that's the only reason she has 1 nightmare in the entire show, BC she only sleeps in the room to feel close to Zane after he was thrown into the never realm.)

☆ﾟ⁠.⁠*⁠･⁠｡ﾟ

She refuses to take her Sam X Armour off after battle if she's been damaged underneath it so that she doesn't worry anyone, and just fixes it herself (or with the minipix) later.

☆ﾟ⁠.⁠*⁠･⁠｡ﾟ

Sometimes tries to modify herself to be able to seem more human (but giving yourself the ability to eat, as a robot, is hard and stupid BC it just clogs up wires and cogs)

☆ﾟ⁠.⁠*⁠･⁠｡ﾟ

Gen Z. Knows ALL the memes from Lloyd, she freaks the others out with it. It's funny.

☆ﾟ⁠.⁠*⁠･⁠｡ﾟ

Her and Lloyd are incredibly close after the year before S8, we all heard the "I could kiss you pix" "I don't think Zane would approve" they r close to the point of Lloyd being comfortable joking ab kissing her u can literally HEAR the joking tone in her voice when she responds to him!!!! CMONNNN they r such an underrated duo (gaslights you into thinking ab them)

☆ﾟ⁠.⁠*⁠･⁠｡⁰

Loves doing silly mundane tasks, even though Master Wu tries to get the ninja to do their own chores bc of "responsibility", she ends up doing most because she actually enjoys it.

☆ﾟ⁠.⁠*⁠･⁠｡ﾟ

Cyrus sends her a huge weekly allowance bc he loves his silly robot daughter fr. And because in her spare time she helps him make blueprints for mechs <333

I think that's all.. for now.

[gomacave]

My most unhinged f/f7 opinion is that seph should eat people

[p0orbaby]

Slow Motion Mountain Climber

summary: leah signs up for pilates, what could go wrong?

warnings: none

a/n: based on this request !

word count: 981

-

Leah texts you on a Tuesday morning, right before your alarm, like she does whenever something has gone terribly wrong in her life. Like when she found out gluten was in soy sauce, or when she discovered she might have to use that godforsaken 6 train in New York. This time, it's a message that reads: Just signed up for Pilates. You may never see me again.

You roll your eyes, groaning at the incoming rant that's sure to follow. Leah's the kind of person who only does new things for one of two reasons: someone dared her, or she's trying to prove to herself that she is still young and can get away with eating three chocolate croissants in a single sitting. You suspect it’s a combination of both. She’s mentioned something about trying to build a "strong core," which you assume is code for "I'm slowly being bullied into this by the fact that all my teammates have six-packs and I have a soft spot for bread."

At 7:45 AM, just as you’re pouring coffee, Leah calls. You pick up on the third ring because you’re not a monster.

“I’m going to die,” she says, without so much as a hello

“Bold start to the day,” you reply. “Anything specific, or is it just a general feeling?”

“Pilates,” she says, and it sounds like a curse word. “Do you know what that is?”

You almost spit out your coffee because, yes, you know what Pilates is. You’re not sure what’s more shocking: that Leah doesn’t know or that she actually followed through on signing up.

“Yeah, Leah, I know what Pilates is”

“Well, it’s hell. No one told me it was this hard. And the instructor—she’s, like, smiling at me while she’s killing me. How are you supposed to trust someone who's trying to make you do something called a 'teaser' while she grins like a lunatic?”

You can picture it now. Leah, in the middle of a room full of people who've been doing this since their nannies signed them up for ballet at age three, contorting herself on a reformer like it’s some kind of medieval torture device. Meanwhile, the instructor—probably named something like Tiffani with an 'i'—is telling her to “engage her core,” as if Leah didn’t already have a job that required her to do that for 90 minutes straight, several times a week.

“Did you die, though?”

“Almost. My legs were shaking. My abs—I didn’t even know I had abs. Why does anyone do this willingly? I’ve literally been fouled by Fran Kirby, and that was less painful”

“Maybe you should stick to yoga”

“Yoga!” Leah scoffs. “I can do yoga. That’s just stretching and pretending you’re one with the universe or whatever”

You let her have that one because there’s no use arguing with someone who once mistook a meditation class for an excuse to nap in public.

Leah continues, “This class, though—it's not natural. They make you put your legs in straps. Straps! Like a harness, but for your feet. And then they expect you to lift them while you're suspended in the air like some sort of flying squirrel”

You’ve taken Pilates before, so you know exactly what she’s talking about, but you can’t help but laugh. Leah, in her infinite wisdom, probably signed up for the most advanced class because, as she said once, “Go big or go home.” Now, she’s paying for it.

“Maybe you should ask to start in a beginner class,” you suggest, knowing full well she won’t.

“Yeah, no. I already told them I’m an athlete. Can’t back down now. But I swear, if one more person tells me to ‘breathe through it,’ I’m going to punch them in the face”

You imagine the looks on the faces of her Pilates classmates as she throws a fit in the middle of a serene, candle-lit studio. You’ve seen Leah frustrated before, but this is a new level of agitation, and it’s all directed at something she willingly signed up for.

“Maybe it’s good for you,” you offer, “builds character”

“Yeah, and scars. On my pride”

You laugh again because you can see where this is going. Leah, who tackles challenges like they’re personal vendettas, is going to keep going back to that class until she can hold a plank longer than anyone else, even if it kills her. Or, more likely, until she finds something else to distract her, like knitting or extreme ironing.

"I’m just saying," she adds, after a pause, "if I end up with a six-pack, it’s because I earned it. None of this ‘strong core’ bullshit. I want abs of steel. Like, I want to be able to crack a walnut between my ribs”

You’re crying with laughter now, imagining Leah doing sit-ups in front of a mirror at home, testing her progress with various hard-shelled nuts.

“Don’t worry, babe,” you say, trying to calm yourself down. “If you do get abs of steel, I’ll make sure to bring walnuts everywhere we go”

“Good,” she replies, and you can hear her finally start to laugh along with you. “You’re on walnut duty. And if this all goes horribly wrong and I never make it out of Pilates alive, just know it was the straps that did me in”

You shake your head, still smiling. “You’ll be fine. But maybe next time, start with a class that doesn’t sound like it was designed by someone who secretly hates people”

Leah sighs dramatically. “Noted. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to spend the rest of the day lying flat on the floor and cursing Joseph Pilates”

“You do that, babe,” you say, hanging up as you imagine her sprawled out on the carpet, texting you updates about how her muscles are rebelling against her. And you can’t wait to read every single one.

[fillinforlater]

A little pre-Christmas breeding perhaps?

Feeling your hot thick cum inside of her only encourages Sakura to dance harder 😉

Both of you managed to not get caught but Chaewon knows something is up when Sakura has that burst of confidence and energy. Just thinking about it distracts Chaewon and she makes a cute little mistake when performing (Chaewon actually made a mistake during AAA performance 😂)

Knowing Chaewon is starting to get suspicious but deep down she's also a needy girl (Or so you've heard).

Would you continue to secretly fuck Sakura until Chaewon inevitably comes to you? Or would you rip the bandaid off, surprising Chaewon by fucking Sakura in front of her and hopefully convince her to join your frisky activities?😉

The Award She Wants

Male Reader x Miyawaki Sakura (ft. Kim Chaewon)

Length: 509 words

Tags: Quickie, a literal quickie, dialogue only, needy sex, THIGH STRAPS WORLD DOMINATION, prais kink, standing sex, creampie, cumming deep inside her, trying (not?) to get caught, needy_noona!Sakura

(A/N: the definition of late night BFH, as often thanks to @friskyriskywhisky)

-

"Hurry, we don't have much time left."

"I'm here, I'm here—God, it's so hot in here. The Philippines are killing me."

"What do you think of this? Do you like it?"

"Your face? Gorgeous as always, Noona."

"No! The, the outfit. Does it look any good?"

"Oh, you better not feel self-conscious about it, Noona.

"Please, spin around for me. God, you look so good in this. Sexy, hot, perfect—naughty."

"Your hands, hng! You're the naughty one."

"I love that this dress exposes your navel. It makes you look irresistible, I can't get my hands off of those abs.

"You smell so damn good, Noona."

"You too~"

"The thigh strap is a nice touch. I bet many people want to get their hand underneath it and—"

"Hey, what are you—"

"Lift your leg high like this. Oh lord, Noona, I can see it in the mirror: your thighs have gotten rounder. Look how they jiggle in my hands."

"Touch them more, okay? Are they nice?"

"Hm, yes, but what is that? Your ass is hanging out, they will see so much of it. Almost like an Arin fancam."

"Y-you, ah, watch Arin fancams?"

"No, I only watch fancams of you.

"Now, what do you want, Noona? I can already feel your wet pussy; should I finger you? You'd glow so bright on stage after I make you cum."

"N-no."

"Should I pull down the bottom of this outfit—with this way, waaaay too short skirt and eat your beautiful ass?"

"Hng, no."

"Then what do you want, Noona? Tell me."

"I want, I want your c-cum, deep in my pussy! Quick, Chaewon will be here soon!"

"Oh, but last night you wanted me to last forever~

"And now you want to be filled while Chaewon waits outside, her ears on the door of the locker room? Lewd-kkura~"

"Stop, please, just fuck me!"

"Pull them down, I'm already hard for you, Noona.

"And kiss me.

"Let me give you the confidence you deserve."

"Oh fuck, your, your pe-nis is so nice, ah."

"Aw, you're so cute—my tight, little Noona.

"Your pussy, no, your fucking cunt is trying to empty my balls."

"Don't call it that! So deep, so deep, f-fill me."

"You're so lewd, your eyes, you

"Hot-kkura, Noona.

"Fuck, I'm getting close."

"Ah, right there, faster, yes!"

"Noona, y-your cunt, I—

"I could fuck you the entire time, e-every day. I need your snug cunt, and I'm gonna make it my little hole for cum. Be my little cock-sleeve for now, Noona, and, and shine—like the star you are."

"Ahhh!"

"Noona, I—

"Kkura-unnie!?"

"Chae-chaewon, wait!"

"I'm cumming, Sakura~"

...

"Our performance is in forty seconds, what are you still doing in there?"

"Pull them up, quick!"

"What the—who are you?"

"He, he is a friend."

"Yeah, I just got here and—good luck, on the performance?"

"You should not be here—dang it, Unnie. On stage, now!"

"Yes, of course!"

...

"Who are you, really? What happened?"

"I'm... just a friend? And we, uhm, hugged."

"Seriously? Is that why you got a fucking bulge?"

"Uhmm...

"Yep."

[oh-no-its-bird]

FELLOW THORNE FAN SPOTTED????? i love him sm his funny little reactions get to me everytime

YESSSS I LOVE THORNE SO MUCH HE IS SO SILLY AND SO CUTE AND SO STRESSED!!!! I love when he does his little cat eyes,, he's so fucking cute, and his reactions are always so funny

My wife,, the village people also agree he is cat coded, which fills me with glee

HE CARES ABOUT HIS PEOPLE SO MUCH HE'S SO COMMITTED TO THE VILLAGE AND ITS PEOPLE AND ITS CHILDREN ESPECIALLY I LOVE HIM SM!!

HES LITERALLY HAD THE GOAL OF JUST HELPING HIS FELLOW DEMONS SINCE HE WAS A CHIILLDDD PLS ALL HE WANTS IS FOR HIS PEOPLE TO BE SAFE

I love him SO much, he is The Favorite, I think. I wanna add more photos of him but Tumblr is maxing me out at 10. But like!!!! He's so cute!!!!!!! I need to see him go through The Horrors.

Anyways take this from my notes app:

I think Thorne would be funny to put in Naruto bc he is, at his heart, just a guy. Just a silly little guy who has skill in like, management and selling things. And running a village, actually, which could be interesting in itself to squint at w Konoha.

But he's also like. A demon. A demon w little to no skill in battle who would probably die miserably in like all of 1 second if tossed at literally anyone in Naruto.

But also like, he runs a magic shop! What the fuck, that's cool.

I started daydreaming ab him being tossed into Naruto before we got the confirmation that he didn't really make (at least the main potions) he sold. But also like, canon is what I wish it to be, so it'd be cool if he did make some of those potions and trinkets, or at least had their recipies, so.

But also we could just toss him a bag of holding or smthn filled with some of his stock. But also it could be fun to just play w him trying to make his usual things and trinkets but like !!! Uh oh !!! The magic (chakra) here is totally wack !!! Now he has to find out how to adapt his potions recipies for the magic in the air, and they keep coming out weird / stronger / weaker than usual...

But ummm demon guy with -5 stats in fighting trying to scrape by undetected in Naruto world while operating a magic shop, while waiting for Remillia to hopefully come save him (which like, she would. Bc she's Remillia and literally not even god can stand in her way) (hes going to get fucking demolished the second any ninja so much as catches a wiff of him)

He ends up adopting Naruto bc ofc he does.

Demon connection!!!!

The kids in the demon village seem to love Thorne, and he has an advantage w Naruto too bc like. Baby Naruto being shunned by the village being adopted by an ACTUAL literal demon from the demon realm.

Would pay to see it tbh.

Thorne tries to free Kurama,,,,,

He sees people scared of the fox and is like "oh no...demon racism strikes again... this poor guy...."

And Kurama goes "yeah lmao, it was the racism. I pinkie promise I didn't flatten like half the village twice."

Actually tho. Thinking. Bc in TOWYV, demons dealt with the Frenzy curse, which'd make them go totally berserk and literally eat even their loved ones. So Thorne might actually have some context to legitimately empathize with Kurama ab being controlled by the sharingan to flatten Konoha that one time. It's a similar fear he shared with pretty much all of demon kind, not so long ago. (Even if Kurama cared less about the being made to kill people than loss of control)

Idk, could be interesting

Ummm final thoughts: read The One Within The Villainess

[sage-green-matcha]

FIGHT OR FLIGHT - ETHAN LANDRY ✈️

“It’s my move, fight or flight?” - Conan Gray

Content includes: gf! Ethan Landry, angst, betrayal…slight mention of reader getting horny ab sweaty Ethan (relatable) 😭

A/n: I literally adore Conan sm! I’ve been a fan of him for years and idk why I haven’t written anything based off his work! Hope u enjoy :)

<3

<3

<3

Well, fight or flight...I'd rather die than have to cry in front of you.

You swore your heart stopped as ghost face revealed himself. Ethan Landry, the so-called love of your life. The signs flashed in your face, but you were too in love to care.

"Y/n, hi sweet thing" You felt too betrayed to respond. All you felt was regret, anger, sadness. It filled every pore in your body and you felt like your heart was being stabbed thousands of times. God, you felt so stupid. You should've known. You shouldn't have let your heart get in the way of things.

Fight or flight?

Ethan knew it probably wasn't a good idea, to make you choose between him or your friends. But he did know you loved him, and he had manipulated you enough for you to think he was the only one who would ever love you.

"Come on Y/n, get the easy way out. It's life or death here" Quinn taunted you with her knife, Ethan watching you with curiosity.

"Y/n, don’t go with them. We can beat them together” Your eyes were watering, Sam’s figure blurry as she talked to you. "I can't, I can't pick" the answers was obvious. You had to pick your friends. But something inside of you told you to go with Ethan.

I'd rather lie than tell you I'm in love with you.

"We're waiting Y/n. Come on babe, you know you love me. I love you, I always will and I always have. Don't tell me all our time spent together meant nothing to you"

You didn’t want to admit it, that you loved him. He meant everything to you, but did you still feel the same after he revealed himself? You weren’t sure.

You knew you shouldn't listen, but it was so tempting. It felt wrong, to feel your core heat up at the sight of Ethan’s sweaty face. He looked so hot with a knife in his hand.

You started to question your sanity. He’s a killer, he killed Anika and who knows how many other people? But…he was your killer.

“What’s it gonna be Y/n?” You stood in between Ethan and Sam and Tara. “Don’t do it Y/n, please” Mascara ran down Tara’s cheeks, her hair and face sweaty.

You glanced back at the sisters before walking towards Ethan, cuddling yourself into his arms. “Y/n? Please, why?” Their lips spilled with cries, feeling betrayed by your decision.

“Shut up” Quinn’s words came out angrily, frustration shutting the sisters up.

“That’s my girl, now sit and look pretty while we work” He placed a kiss on your head and then your lips. The taste of blood in his mouth made you feel sick.

“Fuck you, Y/n. Hope you fucking burn in hell” Sam’s words hurt, but they wouldn’t mean anything after she was dead. This was the only way to survive. Also, you had the one thing you’d always wanted, Ethan Landry.

It's my move, fight or flight?

[gonzo-rella]

Headcanons: Starting Your Freshman Year at Greendale and Joining the Study Group

MASTERLIST | AO3 | KO-FI

Requested by: Anon

Headcanons for being a new freshman at Greendale and becoming a member of the study group?

Ohh sorry i didn’t clarify! it doesn’t matter to me, i just liked the idea of the reader kinda being the baby of the group, so maybe everyone is in their later years at greendale?

Relationship(s): The Study Group (Jeff, Britta, Annie, Troy, Abed, Shirley and Pierce) x gn!reader (platonic)

Warnings: References to underage drinking. (Let me know if I need to add any)

(A/N: I started writing this literal years ago, but I rewatched the Community Christmas episodes today and it’s made me want to rewatch all of Community and start writing for it again. Not enough people write for it, and not enough people write gender-neutral-reader fics. This was like 90% done so it was a good place to start again. I went with making it so the reader joins the Study Group during season 3, since I had the idea of using the reader to replace Todd in the episode where none of them want to work with him. I haven’t followed the canon of season 3 verbatim, since it’d have made writing this kinda difficult (plus I haven’t seen season 3 in years). So, this is more general. I’m hoping to work through my list of Community requests from years ago throughout 2024, since I’m hoping to get more into the habit of putting aside time for writing.)

When you decided on taking Biology 101 during your first semester at Greendale, you were bound to learn of (and witness first hand) the notorious Study Group.

Your hope that you wouldn’t be roped into their borderline-narcissistic antics was killed when you were given Pierce Hawthorne as your lab partner.

To say he was annoyed would be an understatement.

Oh boy, did he make it known that he abhorred having to be your lab partner.

In fact, most of them seemed to hate the idea of being stuck as your partner, which was at least a little hurtful.

When Abed rearranged the lab partner pairings based on some mental computer wizardry, you got put with Jeff, who was a bit more subtle with his annoyance.

You spent most of that night standing there awkwardly while Shirley cried about being the least popular member of the Study Group, or trying to be some kind of mediator between these friends who you knew only from rumours and observing them.

You also had to rescue a turtle from being burned alive by Britta, which sent you over the edge into a fit of fury.

Annie was the one who apologised to you for everything, and, much to the chagrin of everyone else, invited you to join the study group.

Perhaps she didn’t expect you to take her up on the offer, but you did anyway.

Your first study session with them made them realise that you fit in well with the group.

Even Abed liked your presence, because he believed it ‘changed the status quo without being like when sitcoms add a kid character in a desperate attempt to boost the ratings’.

(He compared you to Frasier from Cheers)

For a while, though, you did feel a little isolated from the group, considering you were often the only one to comment negatively on the group’s questionable behaviour, which they saw as perfectly normal.

However, you adjusted to being in the group alarmingly fast, to the point of getting carried away in the Study Group mentality like the rest of them.

As the baby of the group, you were treated as such, despite being at least a bit more mature than Troy and Abed.

For example, if Jeff and Britta were in the middle of a heated discussion, you’d be told to ‘stay out of it’.

Abed, early on, would analyse you to figure out how exactly you fit into the group, such as deciding what archetype best describes you.

There’s also a chance that he would create and manipulate situations in order to test your personality.

Jeff would shut this down as soon as he figured out what Abed was doing.

In an effort to try and include you more, Annie would force each member of the Study Group to do an activity with you. 

Annie invited you to a one-on-one study session.

(Also, if you’re taking any classes that she took in her first or second year, she’ll lend you her old materials, like notes, textbooks, study cards etc.)

Shirley took you to the mall with her and her kids, treating you like one of her own kids.

Troy and Abed introduced you to Inspector Spacetime, which you quickly became a big fan of.

(Watching it became a Saturday night ritual for the three of you)

Britta brought you along to a protest which ended in the both of you in jail.

(An irritated Jeff would have to come bail you both out, and Britta would beg him not to say anything about it to Shirley or Annie)

Pierce gave you $1000 to tell Annie that he’d taken you to the zoo.

Jeff invited you over to his apartment for beers, which resulted in you both getting wasted and having a tearful heart-to-heart with one another.

Despite adopting the Study Group mentality to a certain degree, you would be the least susceptible to the group’s dumbassery due to joining so late, which meant you’d often be the one to pull the group out of the stupid shit they were doing.

At the very least, you’d pull Jeff out of it, and he’d take the lead and sort out everyone else.

If you weren’t that close to your family, you’d probably spend holidays over at Shirley’s upon her insistence.

(I love love love the idea that she makes a custom Christmas stocking for you the first year you come over)

In a weird way, the Study Group became your family, albeit a dysfunctional one.

After your friends all graduated, you stayed in touch with most of them, even before you were reunited because of the Save Greendale Committee.

It’s safe to say that, even if you do join late, you’re still accepted as one of them, for better or for worse.

[bogbees]

smth ab the way Iruka looks at his students and equates them to his precious people and how known jackass Hatake Kakashi publically humiliates him for caring. smth ab that gets me

it's like. they're both orphans. through two very different traumatic experiences. Sakumo killed himself over his own shame for protecting his comrades and allowed for his six yr old son to find his body. While Ikakku and Kohari died in what was ultimately a terrorist attack, one literally in Iruka's arms bc she used her body to protect him, and the other screaming about how children are supposed to be given protection by their parents, and had someone take Iruka away.

like. Iruka copied Kohari. he did the same thing for Naruto. Iruka considers himself his students' family and he's gotta protect them regardless if he's still actually teaching them.

He knows the chunin exams are dangerous. he got the promotion only six years prior to the start of the series. Kakashi got his chunin promotion twenty years prior. when he was considered fodder for the war.

and like. Kakashi is, in this moment, threatening the lives of Iruka's most precious people. like straight up? it's waved aside bc "lol Iruka why are you caring so much. they're not your concern anymore." and it's like. wow. I can't believe we end up entrusting the village to the hands of this guy in four yrs. when we have no... evidence he's no longer thinking like that that. like, Kishimoto doesn't really... give us Kakashi actually showing growth from this moment so it's like "this can't be better than warmongering Danzo??" bc there's not really any textual evidence Kakashi isn't still looking at child soldiers and shrugging.

like. a reoccurring theme is precious people being strength. Iruka is the ball, Haku pushes it, Naruto keeps pushing it around. Hiruzen makes some shitty speech ab true strength being found through life riskinh combat, but then later turns around and repeats that it's found by having precious people to spurn you on. Iruka's funeral speech repeats that.

Sasuke threatens to kill Kakashi's precious people and Kakashi just (^\ \) "lol they're all dead already."

which implies he's currently got nobody. there's nobody there to give him the strength to carry on, and he's just doing it bc what else is he alive for if not to be a tool of konoha. like. he could have had team seven. maybe Iruka by that point in time. but he fucked that up royaly.

sorry im just. getting me thoughts out

[meowsticmarvels]

Does Phi want to live or die: an insane essay because I can't stop thinking about it [PART I]

hi!!! so i said not too long ago (like literally a few hours ago) that i'd been working on this analysis but considering this post is getting very long and tumblr's glitching and bugging out a lot (it's over 6k words!) i'm gonna post this part first as is as a little treat, and the second part will come a bit later once i write the rest of it. i'll link it here once it's done!

I've been meaning to write a proper analysis on Phi for a while (see my more proper grammar while writing this which is Unusual for me) and while there is too much of her I think abojt a lot to write ONE BIG ANALYSIS I think this topic is a pretty good one. There's a lot to be said in the wake of all of this on how Phi feels about herself and the roles she's meant to play and her own self-worth, the affects of Radical-6, and the impact the events of VLR have left on her onto ZTD (spoiler alert: it's trauma) which I will get into here. Will be up for further commentary if anyone has any + if there's any other particular topic I find interesting about her (I.e. her familial relationships, the matter of trust in her dynamics with others, her backstory/mysterious presentation and framing, or analyses where i could say how a hc would affect the narrative e.g. her being trans. id love to talk abojt that sometime.) i might get into that another time

i will preface this with a few notes:

1. If you're a little confused at why I'm even asking this it's because there's a bit of a disparity on if Phi seems to be okay with the idea of dying or not. it seems to vary by timeline and circumstance and by what the purpose of her death would be and THAT'S what I'm digging into. basically "is she okay with the idea of being a sacrifice". parts i will be looking at PRIMARILY will be K End and Another Time End in VLR and Fire / Outbreak (D-END 1) of ZTD, but others will be mentioned obviously

2. she is NOT okay with the idea of people dying FOR her and I will get into that also

3. Of course spoilers for VLR and ZTD will be in this post, and while 999 isn't really going to be discussed at all since she's not in that game by proxy as sequels they will spoil it too. So please I'd reccomend only reading this if you've played all 3 games and/or are okay with spoilers if you haven't. But I won't be giving exposition to the plot here.

4. Additionally, I'm going to warn for talks of a lot of death (obviously), trauma, and self destructive behavior/suicidal ideation. Radical-6 by nature IS going to cause this but the nature of the topic also means the things I'm going to be talking about in the way Phi views herself is going to be a little fucked up. She's fucked up.

5. Any screenshots used will likely be taken trom someone's playthrough or the LP Archive, however I'm planning on just inserting quotes into the text when possible.

anyways!!! here comes the analysis. LONG post incoming

TABLE OF CONTENTS (only I-VI are in this post)

- VLR -

I. SURVIVAL OF THE SELFISH

II. K END

III. RADICAL-6

IV. ANOTHER TIME

- ZTD -

V. AFTERMATH

VI. FIRE

VII. OUTBREAK

VIII. SUPPRESSION

IX. SELF-DEFINITION

I. SURVIVAL OF THE SELFISH

At the start of Virtue's Last Reward and throughout most of the plot mostly early game Phi could very well be described as a selfish person. She acts in her own self interest primarily and will betray others if it means guaranteeing her own survival. It's not that she's completely against cooperation, otherwise the end wouldn't happen, and she isn't willing to go so far as to kill to save herself, but this is still important to consider. One day I'll get more into the nature of trust and how she pushes people away but I'm just going to mention it a bit here. The nature of the AB Game requires complicated moral dilemmas like this. Some characters are more selfish or selfless than others and will betray or ally in specific circumstances, and during the start of VLR, Phi could definitely be seen as the latter.

SIGMA: Damn... you're pretty cold, you know that? PHI: I prefer bold, but whatever. I just don't let emotions get in the way.

This is an interesting line in of itself that she doesn't actually LIKE being perceived as cold - and states here that she just "doesn't let emotions get in the way". Which I assume is both her own and other people's. Despite her cold and unemotional demeanor she does really feel a lot of things quite deeply, as evidenced by Way too many scenes for me to list, it's just something she tries not to let get in the way of decision making. Usually. This is important. But what's also important is her actual opinion on acting this way, on routes where she talks about the Prisoner's Dilemma:

PHI: In this game, if each individual acts for the benefit of the whole group, everyone benefits. But if everyone starts looking out for themselves, it'll impact the group negatively... And eventually it'll impact them negatively too. If all of us choose "betray" then the group gets 0 points. Ultimately, nobody benefits. Not even the individual. In other words, selfish but logical decisions hurt everyone, and they hurt you.

before I get into what this means, I'll also bring up this segment:

SIGMA: What you're saying is that I should pick "ally". PHI: No. I mean the opposite. SIGMA: What?! PHI: If you're going to make the most logical choice here, the only option is "betray". SIGMA: What?! Why?! You just explained why that was a terrible idea! PHI: No, I didn't. It's not the prisoner's solution. It's the prisoner's dilemma. Even though there's an outcome where everybody's happy, the choice you'd have to make for that outcome isn't the rational one. You want to pick it, but you can't. A dilemma.

This is at its core the heart of how the AB Game works, really. The ideal of the game WOULD be for everyone to Ally and escape together, which is what happens in Phi End, but not with countless (we see 20+) other timelines in which that doesn't happen because of various reasons that people can't cooperate or die too soon. It's a dilemma. You can't really guarantee how the other person will act, unless it's someone like Dio or Luna who will almost exclusively Betray or Ally respectively, but even they don't always act that way and have reasons for doing so. It's incredibly difficult and perhaps even ridiculous to expect all 9 players - all strangers - to vote Ally, especially with preconceived notions of eachother and secret personal goals to escape. And Phi is incredibly conscious of this. She knows she can't trust anyone to for sure Ally, but Betraying is a "safe" option especially in the first round and the more logical to protect yourself. Even if it means getting others into the 1 BP territory. She plays the game carefully. Even though in the first round she isn't actually supposed to know that dropping to 0 BP or below will kill you and only really knows because of morphogenetic field/time jump stuff, based on that inexplicable feeling she acts this way. The fact that everyone Allies in Phi End at the later point is almost a fucking miracle.

There's a lot I could go into in terms of Phi and the nature of trust in the AB Game but my main focus for bringing this up is protecting herself to survive. A desire to stay alive, in some way, e.g. instances where she has only 1 BP.

In contrast to all the Phi End talk here's the "everyone Betrays" scenario on tbe way to Alice End. Naturally Betraying when going against Dio is the logical option but there's a LOT of risk involved here.

ALICE: Two other people just tried to kill someone! SIGMA: Phi and Dio. ALICE: Yes! If Dio had chosen "ally", Phi would have killed Tenmyouji. And if she'd chosen "ally", Dio would have killed her.

Funnily enough this is not the only time Dio attempts to kill Phi (see: Dio End which Phi also DOES retaliate at him for. i love violence). But my point is here the weight in the decisions here. Both Allying OR Betraying is insanely risky for Phi in this scenario. An Ally, and Dio has no qualms with letting her die. With Tenmyouji out of the picture to take care of Quark, Betraying is the safest option. Even Alice says it's a "valid defensive move". But what's really interesting is the conversations this sparks.

TENMYOUJI: Hmph. Hard to trust someone who tried to kill me. PHI: Same to you. I told you letting Dio vote was a stupid idea. What did you think he was going to do? You might as well have pressed the button yourself! TENMYOUJI: I couldn't just leave Quark alone. PHI: That's no excuse. And where do you get off telling me I shouldn't have picked "betray"? Did you even think that through? What, I was supposed to pick "ally"? If I'd done that, I'd be dead right now! TENMYOUJI: I could say the same thing to you! Damn good thing Dio didn't choose "ally"!

This conversation is so so interesting to me. It puts a rift between Phi and Tenmyouji where there wasn't before because the other could've been killed, and Dio stands in the way of all of this by virtue of voting for Tenmyouji. There's a LOT I could say here especially on Tenmyouji's sake about Quark, but my focus is Phi here. Take a look at the text I put in bold above - "If I'd done that, I'd be dead right now". Which doesn't mean a whole lot on its own other than that Phi is willing to protect her own life at this point, but keep this in mind for future reference as it's a major contrast from a lot of other things she says on the topic of death.

II. K END

I'm not going to preface this by listing everything that happens in this ending, but all you need to know is at the point I'm focusing on, eventually K(yle), Dio, and Phi need to go through one of the white Chromatic Doors together. That's the only way they can go through. Dio is killed and has his bracelet smashed and nonfunctional which leaves both Kyle and Phi up for a penalty. Death. That's the gist of it, at least. Of course I know that Kyle was the one that killed Dio and smashed his bracelet in a fucked up way of seeing if Sigma would pick Phi or him as a method of testing his father's love, but really, the focus of my analysis here is on Phi as one of the sole remaining survivors in this ending. Many of the lines in this end are self-explanatory so I won't comment too much on the ones I selected but I pulled a few I felt were relevant.

PHI: Go on ahead, Sigma. You have those bracelets K gave you, right? You should be able to get through the secondary door with those. So just— SIGMA: Fuck that! You know I can't just ditch you guys like that!

^ Phi is surprisingly okay with the idea of Sigma just leaving them to die (likely since him staying behind puts his life at risk too, and as will be shown she does not like the idea of people dying for HER)

More text incoming as Sigma decides to have Phi be the one to be saved with the neostigmine due to Kyle's armor and Sigma not even thinking about himself. This is one of the most interesting parts of the route to me:

PHI: S-Sigma... What the hell...did you... SIGMA: I injected you with neostigmine... It's a type of cholinesterase inhibitor...It's the antidote to the muscle relaxant... PHI: Why did you...pick...me?

A bit self explanatory here and will make a bit more sense when discussing Fire but I really like Phi asking why she would be the one to survive. It's interesting IDK

PHI: No... Screw this... I don't want...to live if it means...being in debt...to you... No...goddamn...way... I'm not...gonna...

Once again pay very close attention to the highlighted text. That particular line is fucking fascinating to me. There's the idea of a "debt" to be paid with sacrifice here, as if she feels she owes Sigma some eternal debt that she can never repay in this timeline. And that's not worth living for in her eyes. She doesn't want to live with that weight. But she's doomed, in a tragic way, to survive it. I'll continue more on this idea when I get to Fire in ZTD on the nature of Phi being incredibly against sacrifices made for her life to be saved, but for now I think it's just worth pointing out how much she hates the idea. Hell this dialogue implies she would rather have just been let to die than to live with Sigma's sacrifice weighing on her and that's fucking interesting. And also really sad. Being forced to live in a doomed timeline where only a few people are alive is almost worse (if memory serves right I think Quark is still alive here but then again he's a 10 year old child). Nothing is elaborated on further in this timeline as Phi passes out from the anesthetic and Sigma and Kyle die, but this is a timeline where she's doomed to wake up eventually to their dead bodies. Not many people are left here other than Quark and maybe Luna. It's a dead end.

III. RADICAL-6

I was going to have to talk about Radical-6 eventually, wasn't I. Before I really get into this I'll mention the obvious: one of Rad6's main symptoms is causing suicidal ideation. This isn't shown outright with Phi in particular at any point, but she does show the symptoms, in its most extreme way, in Clover End.

SIGMA (NARRATION): In the middle of the lake of blood, like an island of flesh, were bodies. They were a bloody tangle of lifeless limbs and dead eyes, with too much blood and chaos for me to tell who was who. Had they sliced themselves open? Or stabbed one another? I couldn't tell.

Phi slices her own throat.

The effects of Rad6 are, obviously not actually a person's real intentions nor are they thinking clearly to do so, but it's still worth addressing in this case because Phi will very likely remember this ending in Zero Time Dilemma. She very well has the possibility to remember what it's like to feel feelings exacerbated and caused by the virus and the act of suicide itself because of all the esper shenanigans possible here. So although this says little about Phi's ACTUAL intentions and opinions towards death because of Rad6's influence, it's still a point I felt was worth mentioning due to that. And it's hard to discuss the topics of death and suicide without bringing up Rad6 in some capacity.

IV. ANOTHER TIME

As stated I'll go into Another Time End a little bit but mostly just exploring the idea of more doomed timelines here. This is where I managed to put the dialogue from failing to disarm the bombs in Phi End.

PHI: Our time's up. This is it. Before...well, before it ends... I wanted to tell you thanks. You knew we were about to die, but you still stuck with me. A lot of people wouldn't have done that. You're a good person. There's...one more thing. ...I'm glad I met you. The moment I saw you, you seemed...familiar. Anyway, thanks. It looks like our time's almost up. Hopefully the others will make it. There isn't much hope for us, though. I think this is— SIGMA: Don't you dare say "goodbye." PHI: ...What? SIGMA: We'll meet again. Somewhere. Somewhen. I guarantee it.

Sigma is right, by the way, in terms of things like SHIFTing its entirely possible he was alluding to that here, but it's the sentiment that matters. Dying is not either of their decisions at that point, and a cruel fate since this timeline only exists when neither of them can find the necessary passwords. And god is this interesting. Granted this says more about how much Sigma actually truly meant to Phi as much as she refuses to admit it but I still feel it's relevant. This is what happens when a threat of death becomes fate. I want to point out a specific part of that segment just because it's really interesting to me:

PHI: [...] You knew we were about to die, but you still stuck with me. A lot of people wouldn't have done that. [...]

I can't really explain why I like this line so much. But this entire part is a really interesting moment of an example of character growth, even if it spans however many timelines Phi ended up seeing and jumping between. And this line... I don't know. I'm not sure if it's a comment on that most people wouldn't stick with her specifically or just most people are selfish by nature, but either way I really like it. The focus of this analysis isn't Sigma and Phi's incredibly close dynamic even though they rarely will actually admit how much they mean to each other but it's so so necessary to think about I think. Despite everything, all the deaths and betrayal and hardship, Phi's glad she met Sigma. On the topic of character growth and/or Phi caring about others more than she lets on, though, there's also this part from the same excerpt:

PHI: [...] Hopefully the others will make it. There isn't much hope for us, though. [...]

It's important to think about the fact that Phi isn't completely selfish and cruel. She has her moments and is notoriously very cold and blunt but is nowhere NEAR the level of selfish that people like Dio reach and at least cares enough about the safety of others to hope they're okay. There's way too much other evidence for me to bring up the fact that she does actually care about people more than she lets on (especially Sigma and Quark most notably), so I'm not going to bring up every single piece of evidence that proves this but there's a lot. My point is that even though she has her relatively selfish and cold moments in VLR a lot of them can already be justified as an act of self-defense AND she's got a lot of actually genuinely caring moments beneath face value. She's just got a bit of a prickly exterior and isn't really used to people getting close. And by this end she's already begun to warm up to getting a bit closer to the participants of the third Nonary Game (bar Dio obviously she still very much hates him in this timeline)

This is relevant because very soon I'll be getting into the changes she goes through between VLR's Phi End and ZTD, so really understanding how she operates throughout VLR is necessary for really getting into the change. Setting up a basis for how she acted before and contrasting it to her ZTD characterization - that's pretty much what I'm doing here.

I want to go more into Another Time END a bit later (in the context of D-END 1 and in the context of her self-definition) but I'm putting this quote here for necessity and to get you thinking. Pay very close attention to the text I put in bold.

PHI: I'm kind of an unknown variable in this situation. You could think of me as a kind of... x-factor. It's taken me the last three and a half months to understand it. ?: And I haven't understood anything in the last three and a half seconds. Could you please explain? PHI: It's kind of like the relationship between classical mechanics and modern physics. Strictly speaking, you can't combine velocities with (v1 + v2). (v1 + v2) / (1 + (v1 x v2) / c^2) is the actual equation. Of course, the sort of velocities we encounter in day-to-day life don't come close to being c^2, which is the speed of light squared. That means that (1 + (v1 x v2) / c^2) is usually going to evaluate to something pretty close to 1. Since that would mean dividing by 1, it's usually okay to just skip that step and use (v1 + v2). You see what I'm saying? In most situations it works, even if it isn't technically correct.

And this, from the part where Sigma and Phi jump back in time to stop Dio from killing Akane. I don't have too much commentary on it but in the grand scheme of things I felt it needed to go somewhere.

SIGMA: People have died for this. I mean, let's count how many different ways people died... Murder, antimatter explosion, suicide... I've died. So has Phi. So have you.

AKANE: The purpose of the AB Project was to send the two of you into the past. Or your minds, at least. In order for that to happen, some death was necessary. When a human brain is faced with danger, its processing speed increases. Information is processed more quickly, and time almost seems to slow—a few seconds can feel like an eternity.

V. AFTERMATH

I don't think I have to prove that the events of all three main Games across the ZE series are incredibly traumatic for everyone involved. Junpei in ZTD is the most extreme representation of this but practically nobody really leaves any of these games the same. Granted, danger is necessary for a SHIFT to occur - as stated above and in many other parts of the series danger increases esper abilities - but this does not make the presence of danger any LESS catastrophic to Fucking You Up Quite A Bit. Most espers end up remembering their own deaths by the end of it all. While one of the less obvious cases, Phi does seem to clearly be damaged quite a bit by the events of VLR at least in my opinion.

She has virtually no dialogue in the written Prologue, so instead the best I'm getting for this part of the game is the flashback in Fire with her and Diana:

DIANA: Something the matter? PHI: No, not really... It's been three days since I came to Dcom… But nothing's happened. Nothing strange at all…

[...]

PHI: Hey, Diana. I want to ask you something... Would you mind…giving me a hug? DIANA: …Huh? PHI: I'm just... really tired...

I don't think I have to go into detail how especially the last part is a stark contrast from how she acts throughout almost all of VLR. She lets herself be vulnerable and exposed to Diana in a way she really doesn't allow other to people see here and it's so fascinating to me. Diana is someone she can trust to let down her barriers. Someone Phi can actively ask for support when she needs it as much as she doesn't want to admit she does. Their dynamic is REALLY interesting and what this is really indicative of is too I think. The first quote brings up her, Sigma, and Akane's time at DCOM specifically to stop the spread of Radical-6 - and they've got a few days of DCOM where nothing happens. Only a few, granted, mentally Phi has just experienced VLR and went straight to DCOM afterwards, but even these few days feel strange now that nothing's happening. After experiencing the insanity that is VLR this completely makes sense that it's just weird to be in some sort of neutral zone where nothing's happening but it's STATED to happen. And it does, the Decision Game happens later, but how does it feel to just be in wait? The second quote is interesting, also, as she lays it out plainly: she's tired. Maybe this is just situational and not a result of exhaustion or anything similar but I do believe it definitely impacted her to a great amount - as evidenced by her change in behavior to ZTD. She's much more trusting and has learned that since, but much more self-sacrificing at the same time. These next few quotes I'll elaborate on more in the self-definition segment, but they're important:

DIANA: "Not even gods can return to the past, so live in the moment so you have no regrets." That's not the right interpretation? PHI: Well, if you take it at face value. I guess that'd make sense, if I was a normal human being. DIANA: Does that mean that you're not?

This is what Phi and Diana say about Phi's brooch - "Not even jupiter can find a lost opportunity". Phi's wording is interesting, here - she's talking about her status as an esper, but as of this point in the story that's something Diana's not supposed to know (never mind her being one), but her phrasing as labelling herself "not a normal human being" is really really interesting. She certainly isn't, but it feels all the more permanent - can she ever go back? Will she ever be able to? What's considered 'normal' to her? Similarly,

PHI: Hey, this isn't normal, right? DIANA: It is. You're a completely normal girl, Phi.

Not a lot I can say here - I want to roughly try to stay on topic, but in terms of analysis I really like this line. Phi doesn't consider what she's doing 'normal', at least not with someone she barely has met. I also really like Diana's response to this; she reassures Phi by telling her that this is normal, what she's feeling is okay and normal to feel, and she is too. While Phi isn't 'normal' by definition of not being an esper, despite the weight of the world on her shoulders and her cold exterior she is still human. She's not perfect, she DOES feel things, and that's okay. This has gone slightly off topic but I feel like this part's worth mentioning somewhere in the grand scheme of things or for ANY analysis at all, and will be brought up again in the self-definition section. But there's more to Phi and Diana's relationship once the actual Decision Game begins, and what it means for Phi's idea of her own self-worth.

SYSTEM: Incinerator startup... will now commence. Incineration in... thirty minutes.

VI. FIRE

This is the big one. The big fragment I've been building to, and part of the reason I wrote this analysis at all instead of focusing on a different theme related to Phi such as family or trust (both interesting still, though). Once again, I won't preface this by explaining the fragment - but here, Phi's in the incinerator (reminiscent of 999...). A lot of the way she acts here is of major interest to me, especially after the puzzle room - notably she's incredibly self-sacrificing. I won't say that she's completely apathetic to her death, because she isn't:

PHI: I need to stop firing myself up or else I really will be… PHI: ...Stay calm, Phi.

But, I mean, who wouldn't when placed with the threat of burning to death. It's a slow and painful way to die, at that. But you'll see a lot throughout this fragment is Phi's mentality of "rather me than them" - as painful as death is, at this point she'd rather be the martyr to save their lives than the opposite.

PHI: Diana and Sigma are over there... Damn! Why am I here... But it's better that I'm the only one who got locked in.

At this point she doesn't know her death would save their lives (the true rules of the decision in this fragment haven't been revealed), but is still willing to be the martyr as she's the only one currently at risk of dying as far as all of D-Team knows. Maybe it's because she can SHIFT out, maybe it's because she sees herself as a worthy sacrifice, maybe it's both. This is also all the more noteworthy knowing she and Sigma both remember VLR - they've both died, both had to make sacrifices, and been through many of the same circumstances. Although where it is in their memory is different - for Phi it's mentally a few days prior and for Sigma it was decades ago but he's spent those decades creating it (and without the ability to talk to Phi) - that doesn't get rid of their bond. Phi's bond with Diana is a little different since the only scene they get is the flashback (if you want my personal opinion, I feel like Phi should have taken a bit longer to trust her or at least be wary; maybe not as slowly as it took her to trust Sigma, but it feels out of nowhere IMO. it could still show her development with coming to trust people but still provide an interesting and heartbreaking bond), but nevertheless still important. And then comes the decision.

DELTA: Diana, both of their lives rest upon your decision.

What does Diana do? Sacrifice Phi's life for a guaranteed chance of saving Sigma? Or risk Sigma's life - a 50/50 chance of him living - to save Phi?

This analysis isn't about Sigma so I won't go too far into detail about his lines, but the important thing is that he's willing to risk his life for Phi - and it's the logical decision in his mind, since there's a chance of everybody living. If Phi dies, someone's guaranteed to die, but if Diana shoots Sigma, there's a 50% chance they all make it out alive. It's the more pragmatic decision, however Phi is very against it.

PHI: How dare you not consider everyone else's feelings, Sigma! What if the shot is a live bullet?! Do you really want Diana to end up blowing your head off with her own hands?!

It feels a bit like the expected roles they'd play have reversed since VLR, or at least for a scenario like this. In a way, she's right - Sigma barely considers the fact that he might die. And the implication of her bringing up Diana is also a really interesting point of consideration that Sigma also doesn't think about - Phi knows Diana won't be able to handle the guilt of killing Sigma. She knows that, and in the timeline where that does happen, she's right. Sigma's sacrifice isn't just a simple detached death like with Phi's; if Diana chooses to shoot Sigma and he does die, she had an active role in his death. Which is sort of the complexity behind the trolley problem in the first place (it essentially is a sort of trolley problem - except there's a chance they'll both live and both victims are asking to be a martyr to save the other). I also want to call to attention Phi's specific wording of everyone; she mentions just Diana at the end, but given her difficulty with expressing her own feelings it doesn't feel like a stretch to assume that this is about her feelings too. Looking at her reaction in the ending where Sigma DOES die (which I will get to), it's clear she really can't bear to lose Sigma either. Not after everything. Not after all of this.

DIANA: But Phi, if I don't pull the trigger, you'll... PHI (facing away): Don't worry about me.

Like I said, she seems to believe herself to be expendable in this situation. Sigma can't die - she can't handle that, but in her eyes, she can. If it means he and Diana live. She basically asks Diana to let her be the sacrifice, even though there's a chance they can all make it out alive. I also will point out that while Phi had some moments of this in VLR, this is a stark contrast between her much more self-interested characterization there. Also, note what I wrote down in the quote - while ZTD's models aren't the best or the most expressive, I think it's an interesting detail that she faces away from them for a moment and while saying this. So what's Diana meant to do? Pull the trigger, and leave open the possibility of everyone living while it risks her killing Sigma? Or let Phi burn to death? Sigma wants her to pull it - it's the more pragmatic choice, they can all live, maybe - and Phi wants to ensure that Sigma won't die. Even if it means she burns to death. We're able to see all three options, but most of them aren't pretty.

As it's the shortest of all three options by a long shot, I'm going to first discuss Shoot: Live; where Diana shoots Sigma and he dies. There's not much to preface this with other than what's on the tin: Sigma has died by Diana's hand in an effort to save Phi.

PHI (crying): Why?! Why did you do it?! You murderer! Murderer! I wasn't... I didn't matter at all! I didn't...! I didn't...! So why... Why did you...

Yeah. It's a pretty heartbreaking route, and probably the most emotional Phi is seen as being apart from near the end where she yells at Delta, maybe. Every part of her that she's held together up to this point just falls apart. The subtitles/captions don't do it justice as her VA sounds a bit more like she's struggling to get out what she wants to say at all. Like as if she's so upset and broken by witnessing Sigma die right in front of her, and FOR her, that she basically breaks down right here. Hell, right after this line she stops actually saying anything and just cries until Diana picks up the gun. (side note: not to nitpick but the some of pauses here sound like the type of pause that would be used with an em dash rather than an ellipsis. take that as you will)

It's easy to wonder why she'd call Diana a murderer, of all things, considering the extremity of that accusation and Phi KNOWING she was forced into that situation, but once again you have to consider Phi's emotional state. It doesn't even sound like she's speaking clearly, and grief and trauma makes people do and say pretty fucked up things sometimes (and especially when it's someone so close to you. Phi also WATCHED Sigma die). Given the fact that she already didn't seem to be doing the best in the first place it mostly just seems to be something she said in the moment out of grief rather than an accusation with any real weight behind it. It's not completely out of nowhere - and may imply some sort of resentment towards Diana for choosing to pick that (which I will also get into in Shoot: Blank) - but my point is this line should be taken with a major grain of salt. Maybe some of it comes from somewhere, such as hidden feelings suddenly being vocalized and taken to their extreme, but not all of it may be how she really feels and just an inflation due to her mental state.

Another thing to consider is her constant questioning of why - why would Diana ever pick Sigma over her? Why would she make that decision? Phi can't fathom it. Even though Sigma did say it's the more logical situation because that means there's a chance they all could've survived, she still doesn't understand that she'd even be worth sacrifice. See the K End segment for more on Phi hating people - especially Sigma - sacrificing themselves for her (I'll get to it in Suppression but she seems to cope better when the death isn't FOR her to live, if it is she seems to deal with it a lot worse), but here its taken to its extreme.

I also need to point out the text in bold. It's so so important to this I think. She doesn't think she's worth the sacrifice. She didn't matter, doesn't matter, so why would Diana do it? Why would she risk Sigma's life? Again I'll point out that Phi's self-sacrificing nature here could be a result of many things; maybe because she can SHIFT out and she's done it before (too many times, maybe), maybe because she's just that willing to die for Sigma and Diana to live, maybe it's a mix of it all, and any of those could ring true here. But my point is that it seems like she doesn't understand Diana's decision or that she could really be worth dying for. She didn't matter, after all. (once again, take this with a grain of salt, but still.)

This route ends not long after this but I do want to mention how much of a horrifying dead end it is. Phi was right about Diana being unable to handle the guilt, and she kills herself - leaving Phi alone. On the topic of how Phi's more emotional here than before, she literally screams at the end of the fragment before the "Game Over" screen plays. This is the worst possible end to Fire, I think - two people die instead of the expected one, and the sole survivor is struggling to cope with even one of the two deaths she just witnessed. That was enough to cause her to break down completely. Adding onto that another death of someone she cares about, especially a suicide, is A Lot. For anyone it would be. It makes sense why it just ends right there; where else would it go, really, and anything that could happen is fairly bleak, but it's interesting to think about. Anthropic Principle confirms she lives, and considering the revelation that all of D-Team is poisoned from the start in Don't Shoot it implies she drank the antidote. But where does she even go from there? In the timeline where C-Team all dies, she ends up as the sole survivor, even. I don't know. But it's an interesting thing to think about for an absolutely heartbreaking and tragic end. It's a dead end, really. What's Phi meant to do now? After all this? After losing the people she cared about?

in the second part I'll continue starting from Shoot:Blank - but the rest of the analysis will go there. i'll link it in this post once it's done! i'll even include some deleted lines from Fire from TCRF because they're quite interesting ! feel free to leave any commentary you have (so far) in tags or replies because i'd love to hear :} (also note: everything up to near the end of Aftermath was written months ago, the rest was written in the past few days)

[agent-oo-z]

Ok it’s been too long since I’ve spoken about BG3 headcanons. Instead of talking about my Tavs though I’m gonna talk about the companions!

POTENTIAL SPOILERS BELOW!

No Minthara because I have yet to recruit her in one of my games, sorry!!! I love her I just haven’t had the ability to play with her and all that.

Halsin

Halsin does not have sculpted abs. He’s got a stomach. I mean come on he’s literally a bear.

He loves talking about the ecology of the various environments you visit. He knows so much about so many plants and animals and fungi.

If you ask him to, Halsin will braid your hair for you. Social grooming is very important to him.

He loves to play with scratch and the owl bear cub in wild shape. He takes the shape of a wolf most often so he’s not too big.

Halsin keeps a nature journal! It’s like his own private version of inaturalist. He tracks the species he sees and where he sees them.

Gale

Gale is skinny and a bit toned during the start of the game, but as he is encouraged to take better care of himself he puts on some weight.

He is constantly asking Halsin about various creatures and Druidic magic. The man’s a nerd, he’s got so many questions and Halsin is kind and patient enough to actually enjoy answering them. They’re great academic buddies. When Gale becomes a professor he invites Halsin to give lectures on ecology and Druidic magic.

Gale has created spells that allow him to make a magic kitchen while on the road. This way he can use more than a campfire to cook.

He loves to stargaze and will point out his favorite constellations if you ask to join him.

Astarion

While he’s good at mending and sewing, Astarion enjoys making perfume far more. He eventually develops perfumes based on each of the traveling companions.

Astarion teaches the entire camp how to wash blood out of clothing and gear because someone has to. Also he refuses to do everyone’s laundry for them.

He often goes with Halsin to forage for herbs and flowers. It’s a chance to stock up on supplies for his perfumes and also to manipulate bond with the Druid.

Him and Shadowheart often discuss poisons together. They have a secret game early in the adventure where they say how they would poison each member of the group, what poison they would use, and why. When both of them start to feel accepted and cared for they switch to talking about what poisons best represent the group members instead.

Shadowheart

She spends a lot of time at camp by herself, even after rejecting Shar. She values alone time. It also allows her a chance to process what has happened to her and what she has lost.

Scratch sleeps with her most nights after he joins the camp. At first she’s annoyed by it(a ‘pet’ distracts from her mission) but it’s not very long before she’s cuddling with him.

Shadowheart collects trinkets after converting. She wants to surround herself with things she enjoys.

Lae’zel

Since she travels with a grindstone, Lae’zel helps everyone maintain their weapons. Not out of kindness at first, but because her allies being weak and having subpar gear makes her weak. Eventually tho she teaches everyone how to do it themselves to help them be stronger(and because helping people care for their weapons is a friendly gesture).

She develops a special bond with Gale and Shadowheart, as all three were manipulated/used/abandoned by their deities. She doesn’t exactly know how to support the others as the process things, but she is Faerun’s greatest hype man and constantly reminds them that the gods were cruel and foolish for what they did.

Lae’zel and Halsin help each other maintain their braids. Hers are more intricate and decorated but Halsin is more than able to put them in properly.

Wyll

Wyll spends a lot of time with Karlach after he refuses to kill her. At first because he wants to apologize for hunting her and prove he can be trusted, then after the transformation for advice on how to live life with horns, and finally because he just loves to spend time with her.

While he wasn’t exactly “shy” before his transformation, Wyll starts bathing last because his own body has become unfamiliar and he no longer feels comfortable being seen without at least a shirt and some pants on.

When the others realize that he’s struggling with his body more than he lets on they do their best to help in their own ways. Karlach teaches him how to care for his horns properly, Halsin helps him learn how to braid his hair around them, Astarion finds clothing that is not only comfortable and modest but also makes him look really good, Lae’zel helps him adjust to the change in his center of gravity by sparring with him, and Gale tracks down books about teifling/fiend anatomy for him to read.

He’s really good with children. When Arabella and then Yenna join the camp he spends his evenings keeping them company, telling them stories, playing with them, etc. Karlach often joins him.

Karlach

She makes use of her unnatural heat to help with as many things around camp as she can. Drying clothes, cooking, heating water for bathing, being cozy when it’s especially cold, etc. because if she can do good things with the engine it feels less like a curse.

Once she can touch people safely, she spends almost an entire evening just cuddling with as many people as possible. It starts with just Scratch and the owl bear cub. Then Halsin joins. Then she goes to find the others for hugs. Astarion jokes about how the two of them could probably reach normal temperatures if they just hugged for long enough.

She and Lae’zel bond quickly through their sparring. The two joke back and forth in their own ways and it confuses the other companions at first, because basically no one else has had a chance to learn Lae’zel’s sense of humor.

Karlach collects the various teddy bears and plush toys they encounter on the journey. Having nice, soft, cuddly things to curl up with makes her feel safe.

Jaheira

She knows how to get you fucked up beyond your wildest dreams. Smoking with her is an ORDEAL.

Jaheria speaks to the younger party members like they’re her kids. This doesn’t become clear until they visit her home, however, at which point said companions have various reactions(Karlach loves it, Lae’zel does not).

Minsc

Minsc quickly joins the sparring sessions. He also starts wrestling matches.

He can often be found having seemingly one sided conversations in camp, apparently talking to boo. The topics of these chats are vast and varied. Gale once heard him discussing the various meanings of different flowers in bouquets according to flower language.

[visenyaism]

i'm desperately interested in your lannister in the walls symbolism essay if that's something you would like to share

you know what i would. like all my summer 2022 notes app archival material it is both deranged and very informal. but i had just read cersei i affc for the very first time and i was convinced i was cooking something up. Here’s the intro the rest of it is under the cut so it’s not a scrolling nightmare:

so my like big tinfoil theory ab this so far is that the walls and tunnels of kings landing represent like the cataclysmic institutional rot that will destroy the city because said rot is also the truth of it. The little birds who convey the truth to varys while also representing how fucked up this place is because they’re child servants with their tongues cut out. Also like how the doom of valyria was in its walls because the enslaved were literally in there and bc that evil was institutional. Also like the rot that consumed tywin lannister whole cause he’s kings landing in microcosm or whatever. the doom of kings landing is quite literally in the walls cause of the wildfire, and because it’s wildfire it is also LITERALLY the doom of valyria. Just like the Doom was a lot of fireworks but it’s real downfall was the true extent of its rot filling every space in the walls and under the empire, the walls and tunnels of KL are also the Lannister Cognitive Dissonance Basement.

Tywin’s Hypocrite Tunnel reveals the truth of who he was the entire time. Tyrion learns the worst truth of his life in the tunnels, and then comes up thru the Hypocrite tunnel to kill his dad and also he decides to be evil while he’s down there because he thinks that’s the truth about himself, that the rot is also his. But that’s like our mini doom of valyria, that everything tywin hated about himself as well as the people he wronged he shoved underneath the city until it came up and explosively killed him.

Cersei starts her flop for crows arc by in tandem refusing to go into the tunnel or think abt its purpose while refusing to acknowledge any of her father’s flaws. The Tyrion in her head that’s taunting her about being in the walls is the same voice that’s confronting her abt the truth she is repressing abt her father. She knows her doom is in the walls and under the city, but she thinks it’s tyrion when actually it’s the threat of every single truth she has ever repressed to form her delusional worldview coming back to destroy her (the truth that the rot is hollow and pursuit of tywin’s kind of power means nothing but self destruction and also that her mirror was the one who might kill her and not the brother she thinks is different from her in every way). I dont think shes going into the walls until it’s time for her to blow the city up tbh. apocalypse!!!!

Side note: the tyrion in her head being cersei especially is so. like for the past three books we have been told that cersei lannister’s main trait is her pride and vanity. and then you get to her first POV and it’s immediately clear that everything she hates about herself, her father, and the world she attributes to tyrion and everything she likes about herself she assigns to something she inherited from her father, something jaime should be, or both. queenhood and womanhood and her own body are just coffins her family has stuffed her in to fit their own needs. For cersei, the body is a construct just like the Red Keep is, and it is a prison!!! it’s the cage they kept the lions in under Casterly!!! The power she’s constantly chasing after is just the ability to be taken seriously in her own right, respected as a person and not a woman (which to her are antonyms). What presents as her pride and vanity from the outside is actually just a constant battle against the reality that cersei lannister doesn’t really exist because she has absolutely no stable sense of identity and is just as empty as the rest of her family!!!!

Back to the walls: Jaime has a running theme where he can only speak or think the truth if he’s underground, like harrenhal bath moment or taunting catelyn abt bran and the incest in the riverrun dungeon or telling tyrion about tysha in the black cells or his dream in the cave with brienne where he’s like it’s dark out so i can tell the truth abt her being a beauty and a knight. It’s the same with the tunnels. He starts HIS flop for crows arc going in first to the Tywin Hypocrite Tunnel, and has to confront the truth that he doesn’t actually know his brother like he thought he did, or his sister, or his father, or himself really. Also that he’s kind of responsible for their father’s murder. ALSO he finds a dragon mosaic that he thinks is rhaegar, telling him “I know you, kingslayer.” He has SO many repressed truths come up in this tunnel, but he just comes out and is like lol who knows what’s down there not me whoever did this could still be down there look out.

Not that it would’ve been smart to tell Cersei the truth, but it definitely indicates that during Jaime’s feast arc he will not be confronting anything unpleasant because he doesn’t want to. Pushing the truth of yourself away and into the walls and under the city means you can be somewhere (the red keep) without really being there at all, which I think is the connection to Jaime’s dependence on dissociation and going away inside and his relationship to institutions. The details of why he didn’t say anything about the wildfire aren’t super clear but I think him hunting the pyromancers but leaving wildfire in the walls is representative of the fact that on some level deep down he believes in false knighthood, that you really can solve institutional rot if you are Good, if you do enough Heroic Sword Violence to the right people. Lady Stoneheart is in a cave or something I think so that’s his big underground inability to repress anymore-related downfall looming.

So anyway TLDR: Cersei’s right, there’s something those walls and under the city that’s going to destroy them all. It’s not tyrion lurking, but like the irrepressible truth that the rot and evil at the heart of the red keep has eaten it whole, and that the Lannister legacy and conception of power propped up by violence and intimidation is just hollow. That’ll get them because that singular truth is enough to crumple everyone’s self-concept and is too much to overcome even with the Lannister dedication to cognitive dissonance. Which is why I think Cersei blows it up when she gets to the point where she cannot lie to herself abt shit anymore. If twow drops and actually joncon ends up starting the Great King’s Landing BBQ of 301 AC i actually didn’t say any of this😌

[missinconsistent]

Glorious Evolution: Arcane Viktor S2 Act 2 Analysis

Since season 1, Viktor has always wanted to utilize hex tech to improve the lives of the people. Considering he is a disabled person from Zaun, this desire, of course, comes from a very personal perspective.

But the Viktor we meet in season 1 act 1, and the Viktor we see in season 2, feels so incredibly different despite having the same goals. Looks aside, there is something internally, *fundamentally* changed ever since he was influenced by the Arcane. And it's actually worse than it appears.

When we first saw Viktor, the man had colour in his skin, life in his eyes, and often dawned a smile. But as time passed by, and sickness started to overtake him, he looked sickly pale and tired. Frowning a lot more, with sunken eyes and cheeks. Yes, the literal explanation is his illness. But metaphorically, it was meant to hint that there was already a Viktor that died.

In Act 3 of Season 1, we see him running for the first time. Despite not having much time left, he continued to look for ways the hex core could be utilized to overstep mortal boundaries. However, it came at a cost. He not only sacrificed part of himself, he (unintentionally) sacrificed Sky. A person who, despite having affection for Viktor, he never got to know.

What's important about the running scene, though, is that Viktor doesn't *look* better. Despite "fixing" his limp leg he's always had since he was a child, his complexion is still lifeless.

Even in Act 1 of Season 2, when Viktor, who is brought to life thanks to being completely engulfed in the hex core, doesn't look "better" in terms of health. He can fully walk again, he can't feel cold, he possessed godly powers, but he still looks ill, and now his eyes are completely changed. Another Viktor did die in that explosion and replaced with another one.

He is never going to look like the Viktor from S1 Act 1 despite magic running in his veins and making him more able-bodied than he ever was in his life, because the Viktor back then, despite his disability or his incoming sickness, was more human than the Viktor now could ever be. But Viktor is too blinded and unhealthily obsessed with evolution to see that old part of him he lost.

To Viktor, helping people is making the disabled walk again, getting rid of deformities caused by shimmer, but how much of this is truly helping people? When we see Salo and the people in the commune who were "saved" by Viktor, they seem to have lost all sense of agency. They live in a dystopic utopia, where people have no emotion but listless euphoria. They could have a wild beast lunge at them or a weapon pointed at them, and no one bats an eye as if they lost all emotion. They lack humanity.

This could be foreshadowed with the death of Sky back in S1. Viktor never truly got to know her. Never got to understand her. Never felt the love she had for him. And in S2 she becomes something like a hallucination to Viktor. But even with that, even if their souls are linked together, Viktor doesn't know Sky as a person. Only as an idea. He doesn't know, say, her favourite food, what music she enjoys, her odd little habits, what made Sky a person to love. He doesn't fully understand intimacy (unlike Jayce). So when he kills Sky, he kills his ability to understand humanity with it.

Viktor only considers saving people from their physical limitations. He doesn't consider it odd or morally questionable (to put it lightly) that the people of the commune have developed a complete hive mind. He doesn't consider the ethics of being able to pop in and out of their consciousness to speak to Jayce or see through their eyes and monitor people. He only considers them to be "cured" from their ailments because physically, they're better, but inside, they are essentially lobotomized, completely devoid of their previous being.

This might sound like a stretch, but you can consider Viktor's motives of "glorious evolution" borders on eugenics. He is concerned about the "glorious evolution" of humanity by focusing on the physical limitations of people (edit: which is ironic considering he was one of Piltover's greatest thinker, he doesn't work towards improving Zaun through knowledge or education). His idea of evolution is disbanding what it means to truly be human and, with the influence of the Arcane, is implementing that onto other people to follow him like a herd of sheep without them fully understand what they'd be sacrificing when they turn to him for help.

And by the end of Act 2, it looks like Viktor is set for another rebirth, losing even more humanity to keep chasing "glorious evolution." His last little speech seems to indicate that human emotion is a weakness. Viktor feels emotion when he's with Jayce. He believes emotion leads to more destruction, as Act 2 ends in an emotional climax that leads to Isha's death. And Jayce and Viktor are total opposites. Jayce is acting on emotion, and Viktor is acting on (what he believes to be) logic.

In Act 3, Viktor will finally take up the form of the Machine Herald, not even possessing a human body, and will lack nearly all his humanity except some lingering affection for Jayce - as the two are two sides of the same coin (or in this case, a cog).

[leclerced]

Hitman!Oscar being Lando’s girl comfort person. Probably because she doesn’t have lots of friends in general and they don’t see each other often. But then there’s Oscar that stays with her when Lando goes to deal with sth. First time he’s with her he starts cleaning his guns at the dining table and she hits him with a kitchen cloth telling him he’s out of his fucking mind if he thinks he’s gonna clean the weapons on the table. Second time she’s distressed because Lando had to go out in a hurry so she just clings to him (then when Lando seems jealous she screams at him n tells him if he’s gonna leave her w Oscar he’s gotta get used to it). Oscar is just a third wheel but even Lando warms to him being the third one in his relationship haha

i really love this ola 🥺 im gonna brainrot ab this and try to get in a writing mood. added read more bc kinda long

oscar definitely regularly cleans his guns at his dining table and does not understand why she is chastising him for it!!

imagine lando asking oscar to protect her for the first time, to stay with her when he goes to do something. oscar’s literally a hitman, and tells him such; he kills people, he’s not a security service. lando convinces him to do it the one time, saying if anyone tries to harm her they are his target and he gets to kill. he gives in and lando introduces them, and tells her oscar is now her personal bodyguard. oscar tries to be like, “hey this is a one time thing, i’m doing you a favor while you go out of town.” because he fully intends on getting back to business, but lando just leaves before he can get the words out.

he's staying with her in a secret apartment lando owns, a safe house of sorts, for the weekend, while lando goes out of town. it’s weird for oscar because he’s used to being paid to kill people, follows and watches his targets for days until he has the perfect opportunity to get the job done. she thinks he’s a little weird because he just sits and watches her, and when she asks why he’s staring he’s like, “lando told me to watch you. that is what i am doing.”

she starts making dinner to distract herself from oscar’s staring, and he follows her to the kitchen and starts cleaning his gun. she’s making pasta, and keeps her back to him so she doesn’t accidentally make eye contact with him. the layout of the kitchen makes it easy for her to avoid looking at him until she’s plated the food. she nearly drops the plates when she turns and finds a dismantled pistol on the table. the plates clatter as she sets them back down on the counter, tugging the kitchen towel off her shoulder as she approaches him. he looked up from what he was doing as the plates hit the counter, giving her a questioning look as she stormed over. then she was hitting him over the head with the towel and telling him to put it back together and never do it again. he puts it back together and they eat dinner, he’s surprised she made him a plate and she’s deeply offended that he’s surprised. like, “you thought i would just let you starve?” and more offended when he doesn’t tell her how good it is bc she really enjoys it but he looks so bored.

he sits and watches while she sleeps, nods off in the chair a few times but wakes up when he hears anything, her rustling in bed, mumbling in her sleep, a car in the parking lot. he’s awake when she wakes up and she tries to make him lay down and sleep because he needs sleep, but he ignores her and just follows her out of the bedroom and to the kitchen. she makes him coffee and breakfast and he’s once again surprised when she sets a mug in front of him and asks if he wants cream or sugar. he doesn’t. she’d ask him what he wants for breakfast and he doesn’t have an answer so she makes a bit of everything, bacon, eggs, toast, and pancakes. she makes a smiley face out of whipped cream on his pancakes and he’s never once had that before so it confuses him.

she gets some reprieve from him after breakfast when she showers, but then he’s back to watching her when she gets out and goes to watch netflix in the living room. she tries getting his input on what to watch, but he tells her he doesn’t watch tv. she puts on her favorite show, season one episode one, and decides she’s going to make him like it. she knows he’s paying attention to her, and not the show, so she tells him everything thats happening and all her opinions on it. he finds himself enjoying it, occasionally glancing at the tv to actually see what’s going on, but he prefers watching her to the actors and actresses on screen. she ends up enjoying oscar’s company, aside from the gun dismantling on her dining table and constant watching, she likes him. she gets him to crack a few smiles. he tells her he likes the dinner she makes saturday, and the coffee sunday morning. he’s nice if she lets herself forget he’s a hitman.

it’s the first semi-normal weekend oscar has ever lived. he’s never sat around and watched tv or had breakfast lunch and dinner. it’s not the life he’s led. he hates lando a little bit when he returns sunday and dismisses oscar with proof of a wire transfer.

she finds herself missing oscar after he’s gone, and is hoping she’ll see him again. it happens, but not in a way she likes. one night lando wakes her up and hurriedly tells her oscar’s staying with her because he has to run out. they’re at home, not the safe house, this time. she doesn’t even understand what he’s saying, still half asleep when he rushes out of the room after kissing her forehead goodbye. she’s confused, scared, and worried about lando as she sits up and tries to get her bearings. she rubs her eyes and opens them to see oscar’s just standing at the foot of the bed, watching her. she’s weirdly calmed that he’s there, her racing heart slowing a bit as she stares at him. she needs someone to hold her so she doesn’t spiral. she hopes it isn’t showing.

she knows he’s likely planning to stay in that exact spot until lando returns, so tells him to lay down with her. he declines, saying he’s fine where he is, but she crawls to the edge and pleads, “i won’t be able to go back to sleep without someone next to me. please?” he gives in after a moment and starts climbing onto the bed but she presses a hand to his chest and tells him he’s not getting in bed with shoes on. truthfully, she wants to fetch him a pair of lando’s jammies and make him change into them but she knows he won’t, so she lets him stay in his own clothes. he tries to lay as far away from her as possible, laying on his side on the edge of the mattress, but she lays in the middle and pats the spot next to her, “i said next to me, didn’t i?” oscar’s never cuddled before, and he hesitates before he scoots over and awkwardly lays on his back next to her. she cuddles up next to him immediately lifting his arm and wrapping it around her as she presses her face into his chest. he wants to tell her lando will kill him if he finds them like this, but he plans on slipping away as soon as she’s asleep. he doesn’t mean to fall asleep with her, to cuddle into her and slip under the covers with her.

lando’s pissed when he finds them, would kill oscar if it wouldn’t traumatize his love, instead yanks the man out of his bed. it wakes the both of them, and she sits up and grabs lando before he can get his hands on oscar again. “you left me. you left me alone. you do not get to be angry. if you are going to scare me like that, he is going to comfort me.” and oscar’s super confused, laying on the floor with a now aching back from the impact. he was sleeping so well, he felt like he was in a cocoon of warmth, and the confusion turns to anger as he realizes his sleep was interrupted. lando just stares at them, wondering what comfort me means and if he comforted her in the safe house.

[autisticrosewilson]

You have any Wilson family headcanons to spare? Especially on Rose & Grant?

DO I EVER!!! Gosh where do I even start

I mentioned to a friend of mine the other day that I think Slade was a leash kid, and I stand by that whole heartedly. He wanted to raise Grant as a leash kid too, simply because he thought you were supposed to, but Adeline threatened his life so it never happened. This was the first of many times he was confronted with the concept that maybe his home life wasn't great.

He would not even begin reflecting on this until almost a decade later. He still doesn't really consider himself a victim and honestly most of his shitty parenting comes from him just having no clue what he's doing. He's aware that he's bad at it, but instead of trying to improve he just tries to avoid his kids in hopes that they'll be better off without him.

Also he grew up in 1950's-60's Appalachia, I think he's more superstitious than he lets on. I imagine he grew up hearing about family curses and old wives tales, and while on some level he recognizes that Fran likely just used those stories to cope with the situation there's also a part of him that believes it for the same reasons she did. He's not a victim, he can't be, so it must not have been abuse. Which eventually turned into him just kind of accepting that he was always going to be a bad father, that there was never a chance for him to have a family and any attempt he makes will just end up worse than the last.

It makes it easier to maintain his self imposed isolation that way.

Adeline is a lot more interesting than people give her credit for. I like to think she was born and raised in a big city like New York or maybe Gotham if I wanted to be funny. She was definitely a wild child, and that was something that didn't change during her first marriage.

I truly do believe that Count whats-his-face (I don't care enough to look him up) tried exactly once to hit her and he ended up with three bullet wounds that all knicked arteries. It was his only warning and he was smart enough to know that.

Addie is loyal to the end, she's the kind of person that steadfastly refuses to let go of people she cares about. In basically ever version of her story she tries, she tries so hard to make things work. I once compared her to the Greek myth of Medea and I think about the comparison often.

I also think that Adeline was always her father's daughter, whether she liked it or not. I don't remember if it was canon that she was raised primarily by her dad but I only remember her dad being mentioned so I think she grew up in a single parent household and was mostly left to her own devices as a kid. She probably grew up really close with her cousin, most people probably thought they were sisters.

Mayflower fucking HATES Slade, she was advocating for the divorce before they were even married. I know in my heart she was Slade's biggest hater. Her and Slade talked mad shit about each other but they were also gossip buddies for the longest and it was the only thing that stopped her from beating his ass all the time.

SladeAddie is so toxic Bi4Bi coded. Really funny to me that Addie was probably older than Slade, do you know the kind of rizz you have to possess to bag a milf that could kill you in 20 different ways before you could blink? One who's already been divorced? What charm was this freshly 18 year old drop out exuding to be pulling like this?

When do you think he told her that he lied to the recruiter about his age and he wasn't actually 23 or whatever? Did he ever tell her? Did she figure it out herself? It was literally never addressed but I think about it all the time.

Slade is definitely still mildly in love with her and falls a little all over again every time she deals him grievous bodily harm. I don't know his thing for people who hate him is probably a self conscious way to punish himself for sucking all the time.

Billy and Alfred being friends is a headcanon that I literally never stop thinking about. Why wouldn't they be old friends or whatever? They have tea the 4th Tuesday of every other month. They complain about their respective morons and brag about the kids they have to take care of because their morons won't.

Billy is definitely a British rock fan and he fucking HATES country music. Slade starts playing it in the car and Billy threatens to crash the whole car just to make a point.

He's like maybe 5 years older than Slade if I'm being generous about it, he just looks older next to Slade because he's not hopped up on super serum.

He's the one Rose gives her father's day gifts to <3

SladeBilly is canon to me, no way Slade is capable of spending that much time with someone without sleeping with them at least once. It might be the healthiest relationship he's ever had with anyone and Billy barely tolerates him.

Lilian Worth my beloved,,,,,,they gave her such a white ass name. I choose to believe that she changed it later on for anonymity. Chea Nath is a name she hasn't used in a while, but it's still one she holds dear.

She seems like someone who was really into ballet, and probably someone who was really good at it too.

She's one of those characters that we don't really have any information on, which leaves a lot of wiggle room backstory wise. I probably write too much about characters with poor backgrounds (surprise your bitch grew up impoverished) so I guess I'll let Lili have this one.

Diplomats daughter, her and her mom were really close growing up, and she seems like she grew up with sisters. She's got that middle sister energy to her, growing up everyday was a fight and let's just say she didn't lose often.

If Adeline is Medea, Lili is definitely Circe. Versatile, powerful, a man hater, and she'll do anything to protect her girls.

Honors student, her grades never dropped below an A- and she has degrees in everything from fine art to communications. Rose went to college purely because her mom made it clear that not going was not an option.

Grant is one of my favorite characters. Ever. He's definitely an old school country enjoyer, much to Billy's chagrin and Slades secret delight.

He was the boy who climbed up the tallest trees to prove he could and then came home with a thousand little scrapes on him.

He has a bee allergy.

He's the least enhanced of his siblings but he still has a meta gene, I think the reason the H.I.V.E. serum didn't activate it like it should have is because his power was the mental kind and not the physical kind so his body couldn't hold up against it even while his psychic powers were getting stronger.

Painted his nails one(1) time, it was a dried up iridescent blue that Addie dug up and was going to throw away but Grant wanted to try it. He didn't know what nail polish remover was though so he scraped his teeth on his nails to get it all off but he couldn't get all of it and he almost cried so hard he threw up at dinner that night because he was scared of Slade noticing (Slade didn't notice and wouldn't have cared if he did).

Thought he was SO stealthy when he snuck out but literally everyone knew because he always came home smelling like weed, hungover, and he went to school in the same clothes he wore to go out. Most of the time Addie didn't care (See above: "former wild child") but Slade "Biggest loser in his hometown" Wilson always had an issue with it.

Officially his tomb is located in the Kane family plot but he's actually buried in Slades hometown next to his grandmother. (Adeline is not aware of this)

Joey was actually the one who pulled most of the pranks when they were kids, but Grant always took the fall. Mostly because literally no one would believe it even if Joey said he did it. Which he tried to do, many times.

Grant taught Joey to make flower crowns but he never admitted it because he thought it made him look weak. He still keeps the few that Joey made for him though, they're basically turning to dust in the drawer he hid them in to this day. They're one of the few things that weren't torn down and shoved in the attic after his death.

Joey still celebrates Grant's birthday every year, him and mom play The Last Man by Clint Mansell on the piano because it was his favorite piece to play before he stopped because it wasn't "cool".

Grant tried to get Joey to come with him when he ran away but Joey didn't want to leave Addie. Joey ended up moving into Grant's old apartment, he often thinks of what life would be like if he'd taken up the offer.

Grant is THE ass hole big brother from the late 90's/early 2000's. Down to the mullet and the shirt with the sleeves cut off. He used to steal Addie's eyeliner and she would get so mad because that stuff is EXPENSIVE and he's just smearing however. She teaches him how to do it properly but he says it makes him look "too girly".

Grant's picture is the only one in Slades wallet because he doesn't have to worry about putting him in danger anymore.

DON'T let Joey's "natural" pretty boy look fool you he has a 20 step skin routine and a 15 step hair routine and he wakes up at the ass crack of dawn to start on his makeup.

He used to get the worst acne as a pre-teen and he has physically burned all the evidence except for one picture of him and Slade on a fishing trip when he was like thirteen, he doesn't know it exists and it's the only picture Slade consistently travels with.

He doesn't want to be the favorite but he would get mad if someone else was the favorite because what work were YOU even putting in for it.

He has 12 year old boy humor I fear. Giggles at dick jokes and has used his name to make "Joe Mama" jokes on various occasions.

Number one Mama's boy of all time, there's not a single time they've gone out in public together where they haven't had coordinated outfits. Him and Addie call biweekly to shit talk people and exchange recipes and the like.

Joey is THE biggest gossiper. He'll talk shit about people right in front of them if he's sure they don't know ASL and whoever is around just has to try not to laugh while they "translate" him.

He's so good at convincing people to do things for him just by looking at them with his big ol' eyes. And he's a theater kid so his expressions are really exaggerated.

Rose, my muse. I know canonically she's a smoker but I'm changing that to her being a vaper. I don't know she just looks like she'd beat the shit out of you for a cherry lemon cancer stick.

Energy drinks don't work on her in normal amounts so to rectify that she constantly walks around with horrific concoctions in a water bottle the size of her head.

She street races as R4V4G3R and she's pretty good at it. She learned a lot about cars doing it which is how Slade justified being an anonymous benefactor for her.

The few weeks Slade had her she ran that shit like the navy. Up at 6 AM on the dot, tight ass ponytail swaying as she got ready for school. She was out that door by 7:25 everyday and she would MAKE Slade violate traffic laws to get to school by 7:35.

Has bitten people before and will do it again.

Had the BIGGEST crush on Donna Troy when she was on the Teen Titans. She didn't know it then but she did. Her taste in women really hasn't changed at all.

Only has her grunge thing going on when she's planning on meeting people, average day outfit is all pastels and florals that her mom used to pick out for her.

Got pretty much all of Lili's stuff, her main apartment is always Immaculately decorated. She also lives in L.A. because literally fuck New York. She's trying to get her engineering degree in PEACE.

She looks up to Grant a lot, she really only has Joey's account of things and he only tells her the good stuff. How he was brave, and strong, and funny. When she was younger she really wanted to be like him, but that was the last thing Slade wanted. So obviously she named herself Ravager out of spite.

Rose is the shortest one in the family but she's buff as hell, my girl is built like a fridge and she knows it. Joey tried to rest his arm on her head one and she stabbed him. It didn't go through his armor obviously but it did leave a mildly annoying bruise that he pouted about for a week.

She low-key really likes Addie but she tends to stay away because of the whole "child of infidelity" thing. She HAS threatened to call Addie on Slade multiple times.

Grew up with a bunch of other kids so she never really wanted siblings, but she would kill for Joey. She'd like a sister though. Really misses her cousins and aunts from the brothel but doesn't want to put them in danger by talking to them.

She's fond of kids but wouldn't want her own because she doesn't want to bring a kid into the kinda life she has, or their family in general.

Routinely takes jobs from Slade because she knows full well he won't do shit. And she's right every time he makes it into a team up that usually ends with them fighting but sometimes, every once in a while, they do something nice together and it makes her remember why she wanted to find him so bad when she was 13.

I don't like her carving her eye out for Slade I thought the whole concept of her idolizing Slade was fucking stupid. She tolerates him at best. So I like to attribute it to her visions, I think the blind prophet symbolism is really fun. Especially because then we can have a Prometheus type situation where her eye patch keeps switching sides/sometimes she's not blind because she keeps carving them out in fits of Seer Madness™️ but they keep regenerating.

SHE HAS BROWN EYES HER EYES ARE BROWN I KNOW HER PERSONALLY PLEASE LET HER KEEP EVEN ONE OF HER ETHNIC FEATURES I BEG!!!

[tilthedayidice]

Hey welcome back to my BG3 Hot Takes

While I have your attention, here's a cool site to help Palestine, all you gotta do is click it daily.

This session was inspired by @lipsie, gettin me ttalkin way too much. Yes I am aware that the tadpole changes things, and they have to make it balanced for the game blah blah blah- let a bitch complain.

Screenshots sourced from the Baldur's Gate 3 Wiki

Gale is the only character I feel is spec'd correctly, He's smart but fiuckin stupid, he has autism rizz, mam could not lift any box you asked him to, the only reason his constitution is 13 is because he's been dealing with the Orb and he's used to it by now.

Karlach should start with 20 strength and you CANNOT convince me otherwise, her charisma should be higher also, she's a ball of sunshine and could put the fear of god into anyone, and the line "Gods I wanna ride you til you see stars" will never leave my brain. Give this bitch a 15. She do be a little dumb I'll give you that.

Shadowheart is just funny to me, How can her wisdom be a 17 when she's been cloistered away for so long? Her wisdom is only a 17 in ONE SPECIFIC SUBJECT, a subject where she's forced to give up her memories. Memories are where we get our wisdom. Wisdom is gained through lived experiences, I'd give you the 17 for endgame Shart, but not start of game Shart. I'll take the 8 CHA cause she's a bitch (said with love, me too babe) but she knows enough to get what and where she wants so I think we should nudge it up to like 10.

Lae'zel.... I think it's unfair to put Lae'zel's intelligence at 10. Her wisdom being low, yeah i get that she's been cloistered away in a society that believes its the only way, it's all she knows. But intelligence? No. She might know much about Faeruns culture and people, but she knows EVERYTHING about the stars. And there's far more of that than there will ever be of Faerun. She's the funniest person we know, give her 9 CHA.

Wyll my beloved, do you airbrush those abs on? Do you wake up every morning and contour them? I DON'T BELIEVE YOU DO!!!!!!!!! SO WHO'S THE ASS WHO DECIDED YOUR STRENGHT WAS A FUCKIN 8??????? THE BLADE OF FRONTIERS SHOULD HAVE AT LEAST A 13. He deserve a 15 but I know they won't give it to him. Lipsie and I were talking about him and they're right, WHEN WE DUMP THE BITCH HE SHOULD RESPEC INTO BARD.

Astarion..... oh Astarion.... you're such a disaster. Such a wet cat of a man. Such a pathetic little mew mew. I shit on him a lot, but I do really love his character and development lol. LESS STR MAKE HIM WEAK, he has been starved and living off rats and shame, he can have his measly 8 AFTER he drinks... uh "Thinking" Blood. His CHA being 10 is perfect actually no notes. I personally think his actual INT should be lower, not too much lower, maybe 11/12, I knooooow he was a magistrate, but you can't tell me he's not giving himbo... no what was that word on the meme graph? Himbim? Himbim.

Halsin.......... 10 STR? 10?!?!?!?! You built him LIKE THAT and give him 10 STR?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!? What in the nine hells...... Weaker than Karlach of course, but 10????? Give that man 15 at least 8 INT???????????? 8???????? LARIAN WHY DO YOU HATE HIM???? Is it because he isn't Gale? Mans has been studying the mindflayers on his own, he's been studying the shadow curse... on his own. HE'S A MASTER HEALER?!?!?! AN ARCHDRUID?!?!?!?!?!?!? That takes time, study, and dedication. You wanna assign him himbo so bad. He's just a whole well rounded man with autism,. (Not a dig on himbos, quite literally my favorite genre of Man). This is just 'cause he fucks isn't it.

Minthara she's so much smarter than Larian gives her credit for. While I agree with the WIS, that's more a product of being so closed off, Her INT is much higher. I'd give her a 14? She cunning, just because it's used for Evil deeds doesn't mean she hasn't been she hasn't put a lot of thought into her work. She lived in Menzoberranzan for Gods' sake. She had to be smart or be killed?!? She's said so on multiple occasions! Just because she's Evil aligned doesn't mean she not smart. (She's just as smart as our average Bear according to Larian)

Minsc...... First off let me say that I love that they chose this image. A Bad Bitch. Anyways, anyone who doesn't find that dumb happy face charming is either lying or literally has a stick up their ass.... 12 CHA. Also why is he so weak? I know he isn't like actually weak... but mans chunked that mimic? Let him have 14.

Jaheira I'll give you the 10 STR, she's complained about her knees like three times in my most recent session. 8 INT? So what I'm getting here.... is anyone not an origin character is just baseline 8? Lazy. Especially considering she was ALREADY GIVEN STATS IN TWO PREVIOUS GAMES. In both BG1 and BG2 she has an intelligence of 10, and if anything she's only gotten smarter over time. I wasn't gonna do this... but left is 1 right is 2.

15, 14, 17, 10, 14, 15, and 15, 17, 17, 10, 14, 15

Make it make sense. I know she's old at this point, but in my game she killed Sarevok again so idk man.

Rip me apart in the notes ;)

But do it nicely...

[snzhrchy]

Hello!

Can I request a dr. Stone hyuga x reader. Like she's pretty shy at first so no one takes notice of her, but secretly she's a closet perv who drools about hyuuga's muscles. He takes notice and starts to get interested in her. Sorry if this is weirdly said, It's my first time requesting something! Thank you for ur time and I love your writing.

shameful.

hyoga akatsuki x perv!reader

synopsis; you find yourself attracted towards the man who tried to kill you and that causes him to be intrigued by you too. taglist; lmk if u wanna be on it <3 warnings; smut (implied at the end) + masturbation notes; loved writing this !! im so down horrendous for this man like i need him to ruin me..

— your first meeting with hyoga was very... interesting, to say the least. in short, he burned down your village without any mercy. however, he did get his punishment in the end as he was now a prisoner in the kingdom of science--being forced to spend his days behind bars for the heinous crimes he had committed.

— that's also when you had the misfortune of meeting him. senku wasn't an evil man--far from it so because of that, he wanted to make ishigami village's prisons a little but more habitable and he chose you for the job! it wasn't exactly a job as you were merely just providing food to him and the other prisoner but...

— during this task was when you first met and got to see him, properly. you’d be lying if you didn’t say you weren’t attracted to him from the moment you laid your eyes upon him. he was, quite literally, the most attractive man you had ever seen. sure, you had your fair share of muscular men from all over japan however, there was something about hyoga that drew you towards him.

— which was probably why you were so very enthusiastic about this job you’d been assigned. since you hardly ever spoke to anyone, no one ever guessed that you had done the unthinkable and managed to become infatuated with hyoga--the man who was responsible for destroying your entire village but he wasn’t that dangerous now, though.

— however, you hardly ever interacted with him, whether it was on the perseus or back at the village; he barely paid any attention to you while you were head over heels for him. you did not attempt initiate any conversation with him either--you'd rather just admire him from a far. it was hard not to with the way he carried himself. no matter how strenous of a task you were performing, if he were in that room, that task would be long forgotten as your eyes would be fixated on him.

— your eyes would travel to his silver, silky hair, imagining what it'd be like to run your hand through them (and pull on them) then they'd traavel to his chest and your eyes would admire his perfectly built body and how well his abs adorned his abdomen and then his thighs and...

— hyoga wasn't stupid--far from it; he was quite literally one of the most intelligent and observant people ever. and unlike everyone, he noticed. he noticed how your eyes would always stare at his figure. even though you tried to be subtle, he was very aware of the effect he had on you. he found it amusing and peculiar as well; how could someone who he tried to murder possibly like him…? sure, he was used to attention from the opposite sex but he hadn’t gotten any after his depetrification—and he surely didn’t get any attention from villagers here.

— this intrigued hyoga. he found this entire thing amusing and liked receiving this type of attention. to know that he had someone—an ishigami villager at that—wrapped around his finger made him joyous. he could surely use this to his favour.

— and he did! once aboard the perseus; on one faithful night, he was just taking a mere stroll across the ship, admiring the changed landscape when he heard you whispering his name.

— he found it odd but as he got closer to the source of the sound, he realised that you were touching yourself while thinking of him. hyoga was aware that you were terribly infatuated with him but this pleased him (and certainly gave him an ego boost.) to think that someone was touching themselves while thinking of him… yes, it was certainly pleasant.

— no matter how much hyoga tried to control himself, he couldn’t help but get hard over listening to you mumble his name over and over again. he wondered what you’d look like if you were under him.

— eventually, that night, hyoga allowed his emotions to take over and he ended up finally fulfilling your desires.

— let’s just say it didn’t end there and hyoga ended up using you as his personal stress reliever from there on out.