#literally 10 months. i checked. how. how did i survive.
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facedock · 6 months ago
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youtube
yes i used ai to make a facedock song no i'm not sorry yes i also set it to clips and made it seem way more dramatic than these two have any right to be no i'm not sorry about that either
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nights-at-crystarium · 9 months ago
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on authenticity
My mood in the recent months keeps going from bad to worse. Today I randomly fell into the rabbit hole of checking out other patreon artists, which always grounds me in reality and cheers me up, perhaps in a weird way. Essay incoming \o/
Authenticity is a blob of a word that sounds almost pretentious nowadays. It gets sneered at. You either sell your soul, or you don't earn with your art.
What's authentic, being true to yourself, will vary from person to person. It's like a sliding scale of suffering that you will tolerate in exchange for a coin, while convincing yourself that you have fun.
The harsh truth of modern world is that if your art pays for your living, you've already reached success, no matter how you may feel about the type of content you actually make for that money. Insert the meme furry nsfw art here. Or not furry. Or even sfw, but comms, lots of comms every month. Or merch. Anything that sells. Products first, art second.
Marrying passion and profession is virtually impossible, yet I'm doing it, only thanks to your support. I'm acutely aware that, even as I choose to be "real" and talk about an artist's money-making in a raw way, it's still patreon talk, and yes, I'll plug the link as well, so technically this entire post is an ad *fingerguns*
I just feel so privileged being able to create whatever the fuck I want, literally, I take no comms/requests/guidance on what and how should I draw/write, I post experimental, sometimes provocative stuff, and still make enough to survive. This sole fact should get me through the day, whatever other struggles I may be facing currently (I am. I don't wanna talk about it rn, instead I distract myself with this text), I should always remember the unique place in life I managed to carve for myself.
There are madmen (gender-neutral) who toss $10-20 at me every month. The majority "only" pledges $1, the notorious tier that gets treated as a tip jar with no rewards by many other creators. All of my rewards are the same at $1 and $20 (save for the one-time digital artbook download at $10, just to be perfectly clear), it's a conscious choice and a risk I continue taking because it's how I am. I used to split rewards between tiers in the past, before xiv, and it was a lot of busy work while it made me treat my art less as art and more as product. This pic goes into the cheap box, this pic goes into the expensive box. Every month. It's. Definitely not for every artist.
Logistic hell of splitting and delivering rewards, different posts with less comments per post, also my discord roles/channels would have to be split, nowadays it's just patron, whether you give me $1 or $20, there's no visual disparity, you're hanging out in the same cool kids' club, and collectively making happy noises on Fragments Fridays.
Could I be making more money if I got rid of the $1 tier? Yeah. But, mercifully, after 2 years I don't need to. I legit make enough currently, my only worry is to keep what I have. Patrons don't stay forever, 2-5 people would leave every month, about the same number would join (hence my patreon ads, I need to keep people reminded of it, even if it makes me feel guilty every damn time). I did Research (tm) in the past to find out that my "bleeding" numbers are below average, i.e. it's good, people generally tend to stick around.
I put a lot of emphasis on the $1 because I'm kinda proud of what I managed to accomplish while staying self-detrimentally humble. Literally doing an impossible thing in a world that keeps burning down. So yeah if you've been feeling bad for only giving me $1, what matters is that there's enough $1s to make a difference. Together you're creating a phenomenon, and you should be proud.
There are many stupid little principles, hills that I'll die on, that make up my authenticity. I chose to speak of it here and now in order to sorta sell myself, so it feels hypocritical x'D But if I don't shine a spotlight on this, who will. I'm old and jaded and increasingly terrified of how insincere the internet's becoming. Everything's fake, sugarcoated, polished for sale. My art's always been a scream of defiance against all that, now that I'm more or less established, I wanna scream louder. Thanks for hearing my screams. You can scream with me too if you want.
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lethalchiralium · 2 years ago
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No More | [3] | Simon “Ghost” Riley x F!Reader
a/n: i think i have a storyline. i’m winging the SHIT out of this y’all it’s not even funny. (…maybe a top gun-ish au but we’ll see) I LITERALLY CANNOT FIGURE OUT HOW TO KEEP THIS GOING BUT I KEEP FINESSING??? WHAT IS HAPPENING. this sucks too but whatever. i love it. messy is messy and i love it
warnings: angst, cussing, MEDICAL ATTENTION/INACCURACIES, cerby being both useless and useful but we love him, MENTIONS/ALLUSIONS OF DOMESTIC ABUSE (NOT ABOUT ANYONE FROM 141), cussing, violence, trauma, Top Gun ;)
summary: It takes time heal a wound that big. Alejandro and Soap are big oafs, you have unwanted conversations in person and in text, one with Keegan and one with your elusive best friend back home.
PREVIOUS << | >> NEXT | SERIES MASTERLIST
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Against Simon’s best protests, you found yourself sitting at your desk on base, already gone over files you meant to before the mission. Your pen hadn’t stopped writing as you signed off on patient notes, confirming what you had put down when you examined them.
It was nearing ten in the morning when your personal phone began to buzz. You glanced up from your notes, grabbing it and looking at the notifications.
ROOS: Alive?
It was your best friend. He texted you every few months to make sure you were, indeed, alive. He fought you tooth and nail about you joining the 141, that’s why you don’t talk as often as you used to.
YOU: Maybe. What’s up?
ROOS: Just checking
YOU: You okay?
ROOS: Had a bad dream.
ROOS: Are you okay? Are you safe?
It wasn’t often that Bradley ‘Rooster’ Bradshaw asked if you were safe. It wasn’t often that he texted you at all. Your nightmares were about surviving a plane crash, eating dinner next to frozen and rotting corpses in a town in Ukraine - his nightmares were of flying back day after you crashed to explode your plane so the enemy had no access to the technology, his nightmares were of the weeks of mourning he did of you because your rescue was a classified Special Forces op. That and sometimes, it was of the night you two don’t speak about anymore. He’s protective of you.
YOU: Yes, I’m safe. And at work. I’ve got like 10 guard dogs.
ROOS: Okay
YOU: One of them’s a real dog
YOU: Are you okay? Do you need me to call you?
ROOS: No
YOU: Was it about Ukraine or about Nevada?
ROOS: Nevada
Well, there goes the not talking about that specific traumatic night.
YOU: Do you want to talk about it?
A knock sounded at your door, you glanced up from your phone to let out a calm, “Come in.”
The door opened quickly as you heard the clack of claws on the concrete, you pushed your chair away - a smile invaded your face. Cerberus yapped like a puppy, his front paws coming to set on your thighs as you took his face in one hand, scratching his head with the other while still holding your phone. “Hi, baby.”
The German Shepherd shoved himself forwards, his wet tongue licking your nose and cheek - you pushed him down and laughed, “No kisses, honey, we’re working.”
“He likes you a lot more than he ever will me.” You looked up to see the familiar cloth skull mask of Keegan, his hands shoved in his pockets. You smiled at him.
“How’s your chest? Doing okay?”
Keegan nodded, moving forwards to place Cerberus’s blue leash on your desk. He shrugged, crossing his arms.
“Just came to say thank you.”
Your eyes widened a fraction, hands stopped petting Cerberus - who whined in annoyance. His wet snout pushed underneath your hand, trying to get you to continue to pet him. “I just did my job.”
He sighed, going to pull the chair opposite of you out. He sat down quickly, hands wringing each other. “You didn’t-“ He paused. “You almost died.”
“Part of the job.” Your eyes glanced at your files on your desk before you set your phone on your desk.
“I remember how bad your nightmares were when you first joined us.” He recalled, hands settling on his thighs before he finally locked eyes with you. “Just wanted to make sure you’re gonna be okay before we leave.”
“So soon?” Your eyes widened with surprise. “I thought Price was keeping you guys here for a couple more months.”
“That plant they’re building is something big. Caught the eyes of the US Navy, which means-“
“Top Gun.” You finished for your friend, he gave you a knowing look. The only thing he knew was that something bad happened to you on a mission in Top Gun, he knew about the nightmares.
“Look on the bright side,” Keegan’s voice pulled you from almost jumping off the precipice into what could happen. Your hands clenched into fists. “You’re a very important medical Captain, and you’re not under their jurisdiction anymore.”
You would think. You wanted to say that Laswell kept you as a standby pilot, even though she promised you she’d never make you fly. So, in the eyes of the US Government, you were still a Top Gun asset. A damn good one at that, to the point you knew that Top Gun was pestering Laswell for you back. You wouldn’t tell Keegan that though - he’d rip someone’s throat out with his teeth.
Keegan cleared his throat. “You don’t ever have to fly again, Mercy.”
Before Ghost, there was Keegan who woke you from nightmares. Sure, he wouldn’t hold you but he’d sit next to you and quietly talk about something random, something informational - like the design and sinking of ships. If you put thought to those talks, you would be able to talk about his favorite ships. He was a good friend, incredibly loyal. You were the same.
You nodded, hands going back to pet Cerberus, whose head had settled on your thigh, eyes gazing up at you. You looked at him and smiled, scratching behind his ear. He let out a happy little yap before you looked back at Keegan, a solemn nod came from him.
“You know my number, Mercy.”
“Rest up, Sergeant.” You commented, he stood then.
He walked towards the door, opening it before he took a brief pause, looking back at you. “Be careful with Ghost.” And with that, he was out the door and had shut it behind him. Your eyebrows furrowed.
Keegan had known you two had been together since… you got together. What does that mean?
Cerberus whined, making you look back at him. He raised his paw and smacked your leg, you pet him with one hand as you grabbed your phone again, seeing more messages from Rooster.
ROOS: Trying to wake you up in your apartment. Then it was me running to the ER with you in my arms.
ROOS: I hated that feeling
ROOS: I still hate it
ROOS: I’m sorry I’m bothering you
ROOS: Please don’t tell me if you have a boyfriend again
You internally groaned, knowing how incredibly protective he got of you because of your last relationship - which was almost five years ago. You kept scratching behind Cerberus’ ear, his leg thumped against the floor.
YOU: …Surprise?
ROOS: I think I’m going to have a heart attack
ROOS: I’m gonna throw up
YOU: If it makes you feel any better, we’ve been together for a year and a half and he hasn’t done anything to me other than make me overthink things. He loves me and I know he does
ROOS: It does not make me feel better you ass. YEAR AND A HALF AND YOU HAVEN’T TOLD ME
ROOS: And stop fucking saying shit like ‘oh he loves me, he loves me not’ . That’s exactly what happened last time, you’re starting to fucking freak me out
YOU: I don’t know what else to tell you. He’s a good man.
ROOS: Last time you said that I broke my entire hand in a man’s face. Please tell me you’re safe
You wouldn’t have taken that shit from anyone else. If anyone snapped at you like that in person, they’d be on their back with a knife on their throat. By you or your guard dogs - Ghost, Soap, Gaz, Alejandro; Rudy, if you asked nicely. All the men you’ve grown to cherish their companies.
You began to type to Rooster again when there was another knock on your door, three in rapid succession. Your eyebrows furrowed, slightly annoyed. “Yes?”
The door flung open, Cerberus whined when you stopped scratching his ear as you stood, seeing Soap stumble in with a hand on his head. You flung your phone onto your desk, eyes widened. Right behind him was Alejandro and, unsurprisingly, Ghost. You were immediately around Cerberus and your desk, reaching for Soap as he groaned in pain. “What the Hell happened?!”
“Muppets got too involved in their trainin’.” Ghost growled, Alejandro gave you a smile to which you noticed the bloody gash on his forehead.
“You’re both idiots.” You grabbed Soap’s arm and pulled him towards your cot, motioning Alejandro to follow. Cerberus weaved through your patients effortlessly, immediately going straight for Ghost. He pawed at Ghost’s leg while you forced and Sergeant and Colonel to sit on your makeshift examination table. Both of them stared at you, Soap looked like he was out of it. You grabbed a pair of medical gloves, pulling them on quickly.
“Also might be nursin’ a hangover.” Soap mumbled, you rolled your eyes. Of course he had gone out last night. You would have smacked him upside the head had he not been cradling it. You forced him to move his head, seeing the bloody gash on the back of his head near his mohawk.
“Christ, how hard did you headbutt each other?” You mumbled, going to grab your med kit.
“Was his fault.” Alejandro murmured, closing his eyes. “Feels like he cracked my head open like a coconut.” You pulled out your pocket flashlight from your vest, making Soap face you again.
“Keep your eyes open and look at my nose.” The Scot blinked a few times before staring at your nose, you flashed the light into his eyes - they were both reactive, so there wasn’t brain damage. You held up your finger. “Follow my finger.” His eyes followed your finger back and forth, he was responsive so you weren’t worried. You put the flashlight back in your vest before moving Soap’s head again to look at the gash. “Helluva hit, fellas.”
“Thanks.” Both Soap and Alejandro said, the Colonel laughed.
“Didn’t mean to hitcha that hard, hermano.” Soap mumbled as you moved to Alejandro, instructing him the same way. Look at my nose, follow my finger - his coffee like eyes were sinkholes, he did as you told him. If you had taken a moment to set back, you would’ve said that he was your new version of Rooster. A Special Op Limited Edition, with better maintained hair and great jawline.
If you weren’t so enraptured by Simon, you would’ve dove for Alejandro the second he gave you any sort of glare. But no, you’d choose your ice cold boyfriend over a cowboy casanova. Maybe in another life.
You moved the Colonel’s head towards you. It was a thin cut on his forehead, jagged but nothing a small bandage can’t fix. You turned around, peeling off your gloves before grabbing your phone. You opened it, amazed at how many texts Rooster had sent.
ROOS: Please don’t ignore me right now I will get Ice on the phone this instant
ROOS: I mean it
ROOS: Sorry you’re probably busy
ROOS: Just stay safe please.
ROOS: I can’t have a repeat of that shit .I’ll lose my mind
ROOS: Call me when you’re free
ROOS: Please
ROOS: I really don’t want to have to go detective on you and show up at your doorstep like a dog
ROOS: Cause I will
ROOS: You’re worrying me, please don’t make me have to call Mav. If I have to call Mav you will never hear the end of it I SWEAR IT. YOU’LL HEAR ABOUT IT UNTIL YOU’RE DEAD
YOU: I’m working, I’ll text you later
“Dramatic bitch,” You mumbled to yourself before turning your phone off. You moved across the room to your sink. You began to wash your hands as Cerberus poked you with his nose. You glanced down at him. “Go play with Dumb and Dumber, buddy. I’ll be a minute.”
The dog whined, pawing at your leg and poking you with his snout again. He wasn’t alerting, he was trying to get your attention. A search and rescue dog like Cerberus had no job right now since he was on base, except to sometimes get in your way. You gave him a sharp glare. “Now.”
Cerberus let out a loud whine of annoyance before he huffed, walking away towards Alejandro.
“Don’t have to be mean to the poor dog, lass.” Soap commented, you shot him a glare when you dried your hands with a paper towel. He threw his hands up.
“He knows I’ve got stuff going on, he likes to be bothersome.” You pulled on new gloves and grabbed the equipment you needed, moving your chair over to the cot with your foot. You sat down gracelessly, setting bandages and hydrogen peroxide on your lap. You pulled a cotton swab from your vest, opening it and then dousing it in the peroxide.
You took Soap’s head in your hand and moved it again, letting the light shine into it as you dabbed on the peroxide - the man flinched.
“You’re usually chatty, hermana - what’s wrong?”
You glanced at Alejandro, tossing the swab into the garage can behind you. “Friend texted me. Chatted for a while.”
“You not like her or somethin’?” Soap asked, you settled the small adhesive bandage over his injury, sticking it to his shaved head with firm pressure. “You mind not pressin’ that hard?”
You smirked, waving him off. “You’re done.” The Sergeant smiled and stood, walking away from the cot while you faced Alejandro. “Bit of an argument, nothin’ new. Happens when you’ve known them your whole life.”
“Oh?” Alejandro smiled. “Like me and Rudy.”
You shrugged. “When I say my whole life, I mean as soon as I was brought home, I had a best friend.”
“Ah, not like me and Rudy.” He chuckled then, you cleaned the wound with another cotton swab and some peroxide - he didn’t even react.
“Not even close. I didn’t get a choice.” You threw away the swab, opening another bandage.
“You always have a choice in the people you keep company with.” Alejandro closed his eyes as you opened the bandage.
“Not when you’ve both put your lives on the line for each other without question, like I would all of you.” You mumbled, securing the bandage a lot softer than Soap. “Maybe not to the length I would for Roos, but it might be near it.”
“Roos?” Soap echoed, suddenly right next to you as you turned the opposite way to toss the trash into the bin.
“Nickname.” You shrugged, pulling off your gloves and standing. You gestured to the door. “You can leave now, just take some Tylenol if the pain persists.”
Cerberus whined as Alejandro stood, saying a quick farewell as he darted out the door - Soap lingered as you pushed your chair back to your desk. “You’re always so mean.”
“It’s,” You glanced at the digital clock on your desk. “almost eleven. I might just want to go get something to eat,” You sat down, throwing your feet up on your desk as you glared at the Scot. “Maybe I want to sit in silence like I was for the past five hours.”
“Aww, lass, you just wanna get railed by-“
“That’ll do.” Ghost’s voice boomed, making you jump a little as Soap whipped his head to look at his Lieutenant.
Cerberus found his way to you again, pawing at your leg. You reached forwards and scratched behind his ear as you watched Soap and Ghost have a small stare down. Soap backed down after a few seconds, glancing at you and then Ghost. “I’m going to take my leave.”
“As you should.” Ghost’s voice was low, both of you watched as he scurried out of the room, almost slamming the door behind him. You looked to Ghost, who visibly decompressed as he moved towards your cot in sluggish motions. He collapsed onto it, the cot let out a groan under his weight and his mask went straight into the white pillow you kept at the head of it.
You cocked your head to one side. “You hurt too?”
“No.” His voice was muffled.
“You’re just gonna sleep in here?”
“Yup.”
“Well,” You grabbed your phone again, hand leaving Cerberus as you pointed to Ghost. “Go lay down with Dad.”
The German Shepherd would never not take the opportunity to jump onto Ghost, even in a position like that. The dog sprinted the two feet away and jumped onto the Lieutenant’s back, he groaned loudly in pain. Cerberus’s tail wagged with a quick pace as he laid his head on Ghost’s shoulder blades. You quickly took a picture of it before sending it to Rooster.
YOU: oh no! my guard dog killed my guard dog :(
ROOS: THAT MAN IS HUGE .
YOU: Thanks! he’s mine :)
ROOS: I CANT KILL A MAN THAT BIG
YOU: Won’t need to. Pretty sure he’d die before he even raised his voice to me he’d be so ashamed.
YOU: I love him.
ROOS: you have got to stop having boyfriends. my heart can’t take it
YOU: You’re a clingy bitch.
ROOS: well at least someone cares for your well-being 🤍
YOU: My boyfriend does.
ROOS: Don’t fucking say that shit. I’m not getting traumatized again cause that guy is not a man, he is 100% a demon
YOU: LMAO
ROOS: HOW IS HE SO BIG
YOU: Idk. Go to bed idiot
ROOS: Fuck off
YOU: Love you too, clingy bitch.
ROOS: You’re a bitch too
YOU: All day, everyday.
“You’re not paying attention to me.”
You looked up from your phone, seeing now that he moved his head to look at you. Cerberus’s head rested where his nose settled right next to where Ghost’s ear would be. You put your phone down on your desk, putting your feet on the floor as you gazed at him. “I have never heard you say that before.”
“Maybe fuckin’ you would put your attention back on me.”
You rolled your eyes, setting back in your seat. “You’ll always have my attention. I’ve got to keep Roos updated before I get a search party sent on my ass.”
“Sounds clingy.” He murmured, you could barely see as his eyes closed.
“Sounds like what you would do if I didn’t answer your text right away.” You commented, looking at the files you had stared at all morning before stretching your arms above your head. “I’m probably gonna take a half day.”
Ghost hummed from the cot, Cerberus whined from above him. “Take the mutt with you.”
“Always.”
The man moved his body, making Cerberus jump from his back - Ghost groaned in pain. He rolled over like an oaf, since he was bigger than the cot itself. You smiled at him as he looked back to you. “C’mon.”
It was often that he would waltz into your office unannounced and collapse onto your cot, beckoning you to come lay on him. And you did, every time. You gracelessly climbed onto him, settling your head under his chin and stretching your legs out over his.
“You didn’t sleep last night.”
Your sort-of-happy mood completely fizzled out like a flame doused in water. You could’ve sworn he was asleep when you slipped out of bed and into the bathroom, holding yourself in the bathtub until you felt like you could breathe again.
“Where’d do go?”
“Tub.” You murmured, hand crawling up his side and settling on his shoulder. “Had a bad nightmare.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I can’t tell you about it.” You spoke immediately, the phantom feeling of flames licking your skin made you bury your face into his clothed neck. “Don’t wanna talk about it.”
“Well, uh…” His gloved hand went to your hair, petting you gently. “You know where I am.”
“Not really, not all the time.” You whispered, hand clutching his sleeve.
He huffed out a humorless laugh. “I guess not.”
“Is this your way of trying to make it up to me?”
He stilled a little, it wouldn’t be noticeable if you weren’t laying on his entire body. You drank in the fading smell of his musky cologne he wore sometimes, pressing the top of your head into the bottom of his jaw.
“It’s hard.” He cleared his throat. “I don’t know how to.”
You moved your head up, raising it so you could see his eyes. “At least you’re trying.” You leaned forwards and kissed his cheek, then rolled off of him with a groan. “Alright, I’m going home. Need my key?”
He shrugged as you walked over to your small rucksack, checking what you had in it. “No, got the spare. I’ll lock up when I’m done.”
You looked over your shoulder him, seeing his arm over his eyes. You shook your head before grabbing Cerberus’a leash from your desk and walking back to him. You placed a kiss on the exposed skin of his arm and spoke, “I’ll see you at home.”
“Mmhmm.”
_________________
Simon always made you take the car, the nice SUV he bought for himself yet will not drive - always makes up an excuse to have you drive, and you were grateful. You weren’t even sure he had a driver’s license, let alone any knowledge of driving. He was always keen to walk home anyway.
Cerby dove into the apartment as soon as you opened the door, he immediately sprinted his way to the living room. It wasn’t long before you heard a couple of glass bottles hit the rug and you groaned.
“Cerby, come here.” You called, dropping your rucksack on the floor and shutting the door behind you. You would have taken your boots off, but you had no idea what he had knocked over in the living room. You walked into it, seeing that your dog laid on the couch, tongue hanging out from his mouth and his ears perked. You rolled your eyes, looking down at the rug. There was three empty bottles of the bourbon you knew was Simon’s favorite, your eyebrows furrowed. You kneeled, taking a bottle in one hand and seeing how there was no alcohol left in it. Placing it on the table, you pulled the two other bottles onto the table before noticing a small folded piece of paper under where the bottles had lied.
A knot in your stomach began to tug as you grasped the piece of paper, pulling the piece of paper open and recognizing Simon’s handwriting.
My love,
I’m sorry. I don’t know how else to say it but, I do trust you. I trust you a whole hell of a lot.
But what we have isn’t worth the pain, I am not worth the pain. If you wanted me to leave, I would. No one has stuck around this long anyway, you won’t hurt me.
But I hate that I’m hurting you. I think the best choice is for me to leave. I’ll always be here for you, you have my number. I’ll send you where I’ll be. I’d rather you be happy without me than miserable with me.
I love you.
S.
That felt like a punch to the gut.
It felt like a knife wedged in between two of your ribs, digging and twisting.
No one has stuck around this long anyway.
Is this the pain he felt, waiting for you? Drowning in his sorrows, going to leave you to save you pain? It made a part of you angry, yet all of you felt ashamed. You had hurt him too.
But he hadn’t left. He had to have written it before you came home because he did not spend one moment without you since you arrived home.
It hurt your heart that he thought his best decision was to run. It hurt to know that he probably felt scared, that he ducked back into that dark place in his head. He was drunk last night, he might not even remember himself writing it - but in case he did, you folded the note again. You placed it on the floor, placing the empty bottles how they were after Cerberus made them fall. You stood, feeling as if you had held a gun to Simon’s heart and pulled the trigger.
Even as you walked back towards your bathroom to shower, you could still feel the gunpowder residue on your hands.
———————
(comment for part 4! it will get better from here, i promise (aka more fucking angst HAHHA))
taglist! (some i wasn’t able to tag, i’m sorry!)
@luhvbot @its-me-ya-boi-lisa @ladystarfishnut @chris3tom2pau1rdj @kat-nee @efsa-lks @angelsquidd @marytvirgin @medivalpersephone @ramadiiiisme @blueoorchid @guiltyconfessions @abbiesxox @lockleywife @nicomactavish @nose235678 @lumpypoll @multi-fandomlovers-world @holyfeck @thriving-n-jiving @kgive @simonsdoll @crazyfandomist @ryunniez @sofasoap @depressedacidtest @angelinathron @dindjarinsbby @kluhhsu @lazyperfectioniste @keiva1000 @jellyedkazoo @le0thely0n @1sam1 @lovecats123451 @erensonly @cielobgers @sunniiiiiiiiii @d1lf-luvr @thekuroinsomething @lake-145 @badpvn @guineapigzwei @qualitypudding @mariamorim28 @s0meth1ngs-n0t-r1ght @doodle-cat16 @5seastar @horniestbutterfly
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voidoflife1 · 4 months ago
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My name is Anas Al-Sharfa. Since October 7, 2023, we have been suffering from a brutal war that has destroyed our dreams and hopes, exceeding the limits of human comprehension. During this savage war, we have endured hardships that mountains could not bear. We are facing severe water shortages and a critical lack of food and nutrition due to the blockade in northern Gaza for the past 10 months, preventing essential supplies like meat, vegetables, and fruits from entering. This situation has forced us to eat animal feed, leading to weight loss, various diseases, and a significant weakening of our immune systems.
We also suffer from severe water shortages, often walking nearly 1 kilometer to obtain a single gallon of water, which is approximately 16 liters, barely enough for five family members. As a result of the war, our home and agricultural land, which used to provide our daily sustenance, were destroyed and completely bulldozed, leading to major disruptions in our lives. We have also suffered from repeated displacement, moving from one place to another and from one area to another due to the horrific and brutal bombings.
Additionally, we have been deprived of education and the opportunity to build a future. I was studying to become a doctor to help people, but fate did not allow this as my university, where I dreamed of studying, was destroyed. I have been overwhelmed with thoughts during this war—how will I build my future? How will I complete my studies?
We also suffer from fear and terror due to bombings, fire belts, and explosives. Hospitals, which are the lifeline for every sick and needy person, have also been destroyed. We face a shortage of medicines and vaccines while diseases increase and ravage us, with no solution in sight as there are no hospitals or medical supplies available here in Gaza. We live in constant fear for my younger siblings because they haven't received their general vaccinations, particularly after the widespread outbreak of polio due to the lack of cleaning supplies and the massive accumulation of waste in the streets. The streets are also flooded with sewage, posing a grave threat to our children. My brother suffered from jaundice, battling it for about two weeks with fatigue, dizziness, and other symptoms. It's a deadly disease, and as mentioned before, there’s no treatment available due to the destruction of hospitals and health centers.
We are also suffering from the absence of cooking gas, forcing us to use wood and plastic to start fires, which could lead to poisoning. We've been without electricity since October 7, spending days in darkness, causing immense fear in my younger siblings. This has also made it extremely difficult to charge our phones and batteries for lighting at night. We had to travel kilometers from our home to find places with electricity, incurring high costs to charge our phones and batteries.
Moreover, we have had no stable income since the beginning of the war after our agricultural land was destroyed.
I kindly request assistance for my family so that we can live a better life.
https://www.gofundme.com/f/7fn48y-gaza-palestine
https://www.tiktok.com/@anas.alshrafa8?_t=8pE6rwceXIG&_r=1
https://www.instagram.com/anas.2007667?igsh=eXZrcDg3ZXYzbXNr
I’m sorry the world has failed you. It’s important though to keep pushing through, you’ve survived this much. Check the tags #palestine or #gaza for more people to ask for help for. Other tags that i am not 100% sure about but have seen a bit are #from the river to the sea #palestine will be free #all eyes on rafah
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winderlylandchime · 1 year ago
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And as for today? He woke up and was dead fucking silent. I need you to know that for months now, ive been waking up to him, wide awake at like 7 am, already up listening to music and getting ready for the day in whatever way he can. And today, he woke up at 10 am and didn’t speak a single word at all for like 3 hours. And then while i was eating, he was drinking his coffee and then out of nowhere he went ‘what the actual fuck was that finale?’ And after all i did was replied ‘now you know the bullshit ive been mad at for years’ he went ‘how did people survive this bullshit when it aired?’
Then afterwards he sent a voice memo to our mom and went ‘mom, you have no fucking clue how bad it is. Its really bad. This shit is my 9/11. I need to talk to you’ he also sent a similar voice memo to our dad.
Then he called his best friend and went ‘remember iron man? Yeah, i wanna fucking jump off a building right now. This is..Dude, i feel like I got dumped.’
Then he called our uncle cause he sent my brother a text about the finale. And they talked for quite a bit and he realized that our family knew about the finale and he went ‘AND NONE OF YOU FUCKS THOUGHT TO WARN ME? I know i hate spoilers but im not that bad! (This is where my uncle reminded him that my brother stopped talking to his husband bc he accidentally spoiled who won on drag race once) okay, but that was..okay maybe youre onto something here but still! This shit hurt! I was happy for no wedding and then BOOM! No justin.’
The things he said to me about the finale were a lot and all over the place but these are some of my favorite parts that stood out and i could remember: this was said while he was pacing up and down ‘everyone got their happy ending except Justin and Brian. What the fuck man? This is bullshit! I will start a protest over this’
‘So basically what i got from this fucking show is that: everyone except Brian, Justin and Emmett sucks.’
‘I want to know how many people they pissed off with this finale. Because this is bullshit! I mean not the wedding part, god imagine if they got married….yikes. But seriously why? Did people get angry at the season 4 finale so they decided to do this abomination?’
this next one was said while he was on the phone talking to a nurse who was telling him about tomorrows check up. Btw he was trying to whisper which to me made it funnier cause it sounded like he’s never whispered in his life ‘i just don’t understand cause why would they do th- yeah i’m still here. Okay, okay, yeah, mhm..okay- that like they were finally happy. Together. After all the bullshit! The bashing, the cheating, LA, CANCER, whatever the fuck season 5 was and now gone, ripped apart by one fucking review and a bitch with a bad haircut- yeah, so I give blood first and then? Okay cool- how fucking dare sh- no no im not talking to you, im talking to my sister.. about this sh- actually nevermind, I can’t do this now’
And the last one that i can remember that he said to before he once again went on a silent retreat for the rest of the day was: ‘fuck you. I hate you so much for showing me this show. I was better off not knowing because in my world, they were still together under one roof and not doing this long distance..(i remember that i wanted to say something here idk what) THEY ARE STILL TOGETHER AND NO ONE IS TAKING THAT AWAY FROM ME! This last season was just a suggestion..shit ended with the bike race’
After that, he went back to his room. Then outside to smoke. Then had his 5th coffee. And then he sat on a couch for like 20 minutes just petting Brian. And that was it. He was dead silent for the whole day. Our mom couldnt call him today because of work so he was in an even worse mood. And then he passed out with the cat. So basically the finale completely destroyed him and left him speechless. We barely even talked today because he literally looked like he went through hell and back over and over again. Im honestly wondering how tomorrow will go. Especially since our parents did text me to ask how bad on a scale of 1-iron man is it. And when i replied that i think it might be worse, our dad texted me ‘fuck…that’s uncharted territory. We’re all fucked.’
How did people survive this bullshit? I think this is the time to bring up the existence of fan fiction and gifsets and fanart. That’s how we survive. We create art. Because in the end the writers DID make us care and did make us feel big strong feelings and it inspired us to go create more feelings… and isn’t that the point in the end?
AND NONE OF YOU FUCKS THOUGHT TO WARN ME? You were ALL so careful to avoid spoilers. For science. He would have been really angry if he had been spoiled.
I will start a protest over this. I really did think he would start a petition for a reunion episode. I also thought he would make it happen. He seems like he has great relationships with his friends and you and your family, so I just thought enough people would care and he would be passionate enough and he would be able to accomplish what 20 years of fandom hasn’t been able to.
Shit ended with the bike race. THAT IS LITERALLY WHAT I’M ALWAYS SAYING. END THE SHOW WHEN BRIAN ASKS JUSTIN TO MOVE IN. YOU CAN EVEN LEAVE AMBIGUOUS WHETHER JUSTIN GOES TO LA, it’s unambiguous that they’re partners.
“how bad on a scale of 1-iron man” “fuck…that’s uncharted territory. We’re all fucked.” I love your parents. They are going to kill all of us when they find out we’ve been egging you on. Please tell them that a bunch of internet strangers want to be adopted into your family.
Thank you for this journey Dear Sweet Anon. It has been such a rollercoaster AND also the most hilarious thing to happen. I did not have A Straight Man Watches on my 2023 bingo card. We are a teeny tiny fandom but this has brought the few of us here together in such a fun way.
If you want to send any other updates, my asks are always open. I know everyone will want to hear if your brother ventures into the fandom at all. Or what his reaction is when he finds out how many people knew - beyond the entirety of your wonderful family. I hope his recovery continues to go well (and he sustains no more queer as folk related injuries!). You seem to be an incredible sibling to him even though you broke his damn heart.
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sokokoko · 1 year ago
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These are from @awfulalignmentcharts
I have wanted to fill out alignment charts for so sooo long. I even have some saved on Pinterest that I might get to later
Using my characters from After School Guardians for this <33 I did 10 charts because I don't have self control
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Sorry I haven't made proper drawings for everyone yet :((( but these are them. I'm going to rant about my characters and their placements now though🚨🚨🚨
Any good, healthy decisions Ash makes is as a result of him thinking about his father
I was so tempted to put him in doesnt study and it shows seeing as he's proved to be a problematic disaster (see: road trip and living together 😭)
Stormy aces without studying even though she's not much of a brainiac (more of a fashionista type, tbh) because a lot of her youth was spent either surviving or sharpening her mind. She's unexpectedly smart sometimes (kind of sad that it's "unexpected", as if she can't be both beauty and brains). She has photographic memory and commits important details to mind (which really helped her when she was on her own) and I think that'd transfer over to remembering things she needs to ace tests
There's no other way to put it but to say Shadow is a himbo. but!!! he can't completely be blamed? He, Ash, Crystal and Stormy are all non humans getting used to human things so stuff's kind of complicated. Although, it probably makes him look really dumb seeing as the others aren't doing things as silly as him
On the note of them being non human, (Shad a boogeyman, Stormy a siren, Crystal a harpy and Ash an it's complicated) they don't attend school (they'll definitely have their moments where they show up and embarrass the human gang or get into shenanigans) so the studying one is definitely hypothetical
I'd honestly be scared to give some of those guys phones. Crystal would follow instructions on how to use it (probably being guided by one of the humans), Shadow would struggle for 3 months and discover a new feature every other day ("huh?? You can check the weather? I thought this was just a calculator???" "Shadow, PLEASE 😭") Stormy would probably always be getting hers wet/forgetting it's not waterproof and Ash would be the one with the horribly cracked screen, disgusting fingerprints all over or losing his phone frequently (possibly all at once. If so, Zinthia would faint after seeing the "phone" and she isn't phased by many things [execpt Ash being Ash])
It's okay though cuz Zinthia and Alan are our rich kids!! Just buy more phones and ignore what Ash is doing to his current ones 💞
Zinthia steals your wallet only for the thrill of stealing it but doesn't care about money cuz she has her own ✨
Alan will def help u out by holding ur wallet for u but he got his own money so he wouldn't even have any particular intentions. He's not not touching your money cuz he cares about you or your feelings. No, no. Koko is the only one who could be accused of caring about feelings (Shadow too but not in the situation in which you give him your wallet and say he can buy something if he likes)
Crystal's alignment explained wallet wise; she simply doesn't care about material goods (but food is 💯 the way to her heart)
The phone wallpaper one is actually really interesting to me cuz the pairs seem to mostly have the same tastes. Crystal is Nino's guardian, Stormy Alan's, Ash Zinthia's and Shadow Koko's and they're all basically next to each other ("basically" cuz Koko and Shadow deviated, dang it, guys)
The arrows in the thunderstorm one indicate that they'd just be comforting their magic guardians and Alan would use hot coco (never been so glad before that i used Ks in Koko's name 😭✋) while Nino uses his awkwardness
The storm one is funny but Crystal and Stormy are literally reliving trauma so that puts a bit of angst to an otherwise lighthearted situation. Thanks, Soko 🙏 just what the Dr ordered 💞
I felt the need to add something special for Stormy during the road trip. She'd appreciate me letting her have a place at the top <3
Nino and Koko protect the snacks in shifts but show no loyalty/there are no discounts for each other if they both happen to awake at the same time while one is guarding and the other is craving snacks
The urge to say Stormy disappears into to the ocean was so strong but considering the fact that she's a siren that's literal just running away 🤣 so Nino gets to avoid his problems through cryptidhood
Im crying at how Ash's placements literally tell a story
And Alan's "aesthetic" wallpaper exclusively means he goes through rotations of pictures of stars. Because he is obsessed with them by virtue of his family and their history. I won't get into that just like I won't get into what Ash is because that is a whole Thing™️™
Also, Alan is not meek, that's just the drawing. He's more of an intelligent, dedicated and composed person. Crystal might seem a bit similar to him because they had some similar answers or in how they are studious, but she is quiet and stoic in her intelligence and has a bit of a superiority complex towards the others at first. Alan just tries to wrangle these heathens he's been stuck with (read: everyone but Koko and occasionally Shadow if he doesn't get attacked in conversation. Despite how silent and level headed she is most of the time, Crystal gets hella argumentative with Stormy.)
✨ Refer to this post for the old + new summary of After School Guardians ✨
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kawaiilizzie · 4 months ago
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My name is Anas Al-Sharfa. Since October 7, 2023, we have been suffering from a brutal war that has destroyed our dreams and hopes, exceeding the limits of human comprehension. During this savage war, we have endured hardships that mountains could not bear. We are facing severe water shortages and a critical lack of food and nutrition due to the blockade in northern Gaza for the past 10 months, preventing essential supplies like meat, vegetables, and fruits from entering. This situation has forced us to eat animal feed, leading to weight loss, various diseases, and a significant weakening of our immune systems.
We also suffer from severe water shortages, often walking nearly 1 kilometer to obtain a single gallon of water, which is approximately 16 liters, barely enough for five family members. As a result of the war, our home and agricultural land, which used to provide our daily sustenance, were destroyed and completely bulldozed, leading to major disruptions in our lives. We have also suffered from repeated displacement, moving from one place to another and from one area to another due to the horrific and brutal bombings.
Additionally, we have been deprived of education and the opportunity to build a future. I was studying to become a doctor to help people, but fate did not allow this as my university, where I dreamed of studying, was destroyed. I have been overwhelmed with thoughts during this war—how will I build my future? How will I complete my studies?
We also suffer from fear and terror due to bombings, fire belts, and explosives. Hospitals, which are the lifeline for every sick and needy person, have also been destroyed. We face a shortage of medicines and vaccines while diseases increase and ravage us, with no solution in sight as there are no hospitals or medical supplies available here in Gaza. We live in constant fear for my younger siblings because they haven't received their general vaccinations, particularly after the widespread outbreak of polio due to the lack of cleaning supplies and the massive accumulation of waste in the streets. The streets are also flooded with sewage, posing a grave threat to our children. My brother suffered from jaundice, battling it for about two weeks with fatigue, dizziness, and other symptoms. It's a deadly disease, and as mentioned before, there’s no treatment available due to the destruction of hospitals and health centers.
We are also suffering from the absence of cooking gas, forcing us to use wood and plastic to start fires, which could lead to poisoning. We've been without electricity since October 7, spending days in darkness, causing immense fear in my younger siblings. This has also made it extremely difficult to charge our phones and batteries for lighting at night. We had to travel kilometers from our home to find places with electricity, incurring high costs to charge our phones and batteries.
Moreover, we have had no stable income since the beginning of the war after our agricultural land was destroyed.
I kindly request assistance for my family so that we can live a better life.
https://www.gofundme.com/f/7fn48y-gaza-palestine
https://www.tiktok.com/@anas.alshrafa8?_r=1&_d=eegd1e4bgd3b6m&sec_uid=MS4wLjABAAAAsV6ZBEz6iF1rqntC6MpuWHuPJiIQPYdXX0aAH-pYWmrFXwLlIRmO02n7dFU1mFVM&share_author_id=7405660048045556753&sharer_language=ar&source=h5_m&u_code=efla4echdd989m×tamp=1724864658&user_id=7405660048045556753&sec_user_id=MS4wLjABAAAAsV6ZBEz6iF1rqntC6MpuWHuPJiIQPYdXX0aAH-pYWmrFXwLlIRmO02n7dFU1mFVM&utm_source=copy&utm_campaign=client_share&utm_medium=android&share_iid=7402927531621926663&share_link_id=002275c1-795d-4f6c-9a63-20dc58e8fe46&share_app_id=1233&ugbiz_name=ACCOUNT&ug_btm=b8727%2Cb0229&social_share_type=5&enable_checksum=1
https://www.instagram.com/anas.2007667?igsh=eXZrcDg3ZXYzbXNr
Woah, you didn't have to go into that much detail, but I'll still share your gofundme campaign.
Check out Anas Al-Sharfa's campaign to help his family survive. Spreading the word can help too!
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sweatersstyles · 1 year ago
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while we’re on the hate train for my dad…
let’s talk about how I broke my back in December (which was the result of HIS actions) and was in the most excruciating pain I’ve ever experienced in my life and had to psych myself up before even getting out of the bed to go to the bathroom or anything involving moving my broken body, but the second this bitch has a little swelling in his foot (from a condition he refuses to believe he has or get help for because he doesn’t believe in science or doctors) he calls my aunt to bring him a fucking wheelchair
let’s go through some of the other things he did after my accident:
tried to argue with the paramedics about how to do their job when they were trying to get me off the ground, all because he was a volunteer firefighter and thought he knew better than the professionals.
called my Nanna while I was in the ambulance (knowing that I didn’t want her to know yet because I was worried she was going to try to rush to the hospital if she knew) and told her that I “just got the breath knocked out of me” when I literally was kicked by a horse and went flying 8 feet across our yard.
also yelled at my Nanna that same night and made my family think I was dying just because my sister who is no contact with him didn’t want to talk to him on the phone. he then bullied them into giving him my cell phone number, not so he could call and check on me, no, but because the insurance had run out on the cars the day before and I got kicked while he was on the phone with them (how dare I!) so he had to talk to my mom about renewing the insurance.
came into my room after I got home from the ER and asked if he could “pray for me” knowing that he and I don’t have that kind of relationship anymore and haven’t in a long time, but that I would be too in shock and out of it from the meds to say no. he then fake cried through a prayer and “apologized” to me.
exactly a week after my accident, he came into my room where my mom (who is a retired nurse) and I were and said, “I really think your mother is enjoying being a nurse and having someone to take care of again” and then laughed. when all week I had been questioning what I did to deserve what happened to me, why I survived, how I didn’t even want to live and how I might have to go back to the hospital for help with pain management because it felt unbearable even with the amount of medication I was sent home with.
didn’t ask how a single one of my 4 neurosurgeon appointments went, or how they were talking the possibility of surgery. he still doesn’t know that I have a permanently collapsed part of my spine and arthritis because of the accident and probably will have lifelong pain and disability because of what happened to me.
2 months ago he came into my room to ask me for the Hulu password and then asked me how I was. That was the first time in almost 10 months he had asked how I was and it was only after he came in there because he needed something from me, not because he actually cared or wanted to know.
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one-possible-erin · 2 years ago
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As far as the wizard game goes, if someone reams a person out for merely WANTING to play it, I kind of think they’re the one being a jerk. And I lean toward “giving JKR money at this point is not great,” FWIW, but I feel like a lot of people on this site seem to regard personal media consumption as the pinnacle of morality in a way that does not make sense to me.
But that aside -- most times, at least in my experience with OCD, the intrusive thought is fundamentally not about believing or wanting that thing. It’s about being SCARED that I believe or want that thing, specifically BECAUSE I am horrified by the idea of believing or wanting that thing. Yes, that sounds cracked and fundamentally makes no sense, but that’s how OCD is! It’s a super shitty mental illness that inherently makes no sense!
Your dad handled it great when you had the scary thought about hurting the fish, IMO. I have also occasionally, over the years, had intrusive thoughts about harming a beloved dog in a horrible way, and it was beyond awful. Today, when my OCD is under much better control, I am able to say that it’s 100% not because I wanted to harm my pet. Unfortunately, when I was a kid who was not diagnosed or even aware that this form of OCD was a thing, the thought “stuck,” as someone else put it, and I was terrified that having the thought meant either that I secretly wanted to hurt my pet or would actually do it somehow against my own will, and lay awake sobbing and terrified while also feeling like I could never ever let anybody know, because I was raised in a particularly literal-minded Christian denomination that said thinking something was morally the same as doing it. 
In the early stages of discovering what OCD was (in, like, college, so bunches of years of this), I was incredibly relieved to learn that the distress these intrusive thoughts caused me was evidence that no, I in fact did not want or believe the thing that was causing me anguish. So for a short time, I relied on that. 
Unfortunately, when you have OCD, your brain fucking hates you. It always finds a way around. And with “pure O” OCD, the compulsion often took the form of “checking in” with myself. OK, had that thought again, it’s still distressing, obviously it’s just the OCD. But what if it didn’t distress me quite as much as the last time? Does this mean that I actually do want that thing now? What if that flare of anxiety was actually excitement? Lather, rinse, repeat.
Honestly, as bad as it was being scared every night as a child for literal years that the house would burn down, it could not top the scrupulosity for suffering, because now not only were the thought spirals ruining my own life, I worried that I could end up causing other people/animals harm as well. (A particularly stupid/hilarious-in-retrospect example was the period of several months when I was like ten that I became scared that I could have AIDS -- spoiler, there was no way I could have had AIDS -- and if I forgot to wash my hands I might give my family AIDS as well, but I also couldn’t tell them because it was too embarrassing.)
I mean, maybe that particular OCD spiral did speak badly of the morality of 10-year-old me -- my family’s lives vs. my own embarrassment! And maybe later on, the “willingness to entertain” bad thoughts in the interest of getting past them also speaks poorly of my own morality, but you know what? I no longer care enough not to employ those tactics, because at that point it was literally a matter of survival. If I kept on that way, I was going to be miserable 24/7 at best and dead of suicide at worst. If that sounds dramatic, oh well.
Aaaaaaand I am spiralling hard now in a way that I haven’t in over a decade, so I am going to have to tap out for at least the rest of the evening, sorry.
I think "soy" vs "estoy" might very well be part of the issue here. I'm pretty sure "there are no bad thoughts" is shorthand for "I'm not morally responsible for my awful intrusive thoughts." They are "bad" in that they are causing distress, but they are not "bad" in the sense of reflecting the morals and values of the person thinking them.
Yeah, I think that's it. To me, "there are no bad thoughts" means "it's okay to entertain any idea."
And that... to me there's a lot that depends on. I'd say more here, and actually typed out something very long and specific, but I'm pretty sure Tumblr's reading comprehension would surely take it to mean I endorse certain ideas I absolutely do not, so... paragraph deleted.
So like... the wizard game. People seem very alarmed that people would think "I want to play the wizard game."
In a way they wouldn't be if they really believed "wanting to play is having a thought. Having a thought is neutral in every case, no matter the content thereof. Want all you want, just don't play."
Hence to me it makes a little more sense to say "yeah, I can't actually assert there's no thought it's ever bad to have. I'm pretty sure everyone thinks some thoughts are bad, when pressed about something that upsets them intensely enough. Nobody's actually neutral on everything.
"BUT the mere fact that one has thoughts doesn't have a clear, much less a specific and obvious meaning. It's possible for them to be random, and it's also possible for them to not be random and to reveal something about a person, but not what one might think.
"Like maybe I'm, idk, wondering how pedophiles feel because they scare me, not because I am one. That's a reason to think about them that has nothing to do with approval or endorsement."
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staynoonaz9290 · 2 years ago
Text
Temptation - S2 (Ch. 9)
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Where Maddie and Lila are back six months later, still managers of Stray Kids, navigating the world of incubi, and worse… Dealing with unexpected feelings
Group: Stray Kids
Pairing: Each SKZ Member/Fem! Reader (Third Person-Lila and Maddie)
Rating: Mature/Explicit
Warnings: Sexual Content (a LOT of sexual content-please don't read if this makes you uncomfortable), Sex with multiple members (at separate times), Sex-to-survive (Incubi/Succubi), Desperation, Oral Sex (M-Given/F-Given), Fingering, Language, Supernatural Love, Excessive Drinking, Crack Fic, Age Difference, Slight OOC, Slight Angst, Love Triangle
Word Count: 4,082
Main Masterlist | Stray Kids Masterlist
COMPLETE
8 | 9 | 10
Maddie and Lila sat side by side in Maddie’s room, back against the headboard, something mindless on TV as they shared a bag of salt and vinegar chips, talking about just two nights ago in Busan.
“I didn’t expect Changbin to be so…” Lila trailed off, her cheeks dusting pink.
“Sexually appealing?” Maddie suggested with a grin. “Yeah. Neither did I when we hooked up.”
They giggled, taking turns grabbing more chips as Lila sighed.
“I guess he’s an incubus so we shouldn’t be surprised. And, I mean, when you look at him-”
“Right; he’s obviously hot,” Maddie nodded quickly in agreement. “But it’s just… he’s Changbin, you know?”
She knew her best friend’s struggle all too well; she remembered how surprised she’d been, having to help Changbin in that closet all those months ago.
His hands pulling hard on her hair, the way his body felt so nice beneath her fingers, the hotness as he whispered her name-
“Oh- gross-”
Maddie shook her head violently, Lila turning to her in slight surprise.
“We’ve gotta talk about something else,” she smacked a hand to her forehead. “Basically, Changbin was hot and it’s surprising, and be prepared for it to haunt you for the rest of your life-”
“I’ll never look at him the same,” Lila giggled.
“You really won’t,” she agreed before throwing a chip into her mouth.
“Well it seemed to help, because they all killed it on stage that night,” the younger continued. “Literally everyone. That was one of my favorite stages they’ve done so far.”
“Mine, too!”
“And I think whatever you did for Felix really has been helping,” Lila added, grinning a little. “He did so well.”
“Yeah,” Maddie was giggling, eyes darting from hers. “He really did.”
She thought of Felix for a moment, and how much happier he’d seemed since their night of baking together.
Maddie smiled to herself; that’s all she'd really wanted to do…
Help Felix.
When she glanced at her best friend again, the girl was checking her phone, eating another chip as she texted someone back.
Maddie felt slightly guilty, not telling Lila the entire truth about what went down with Felix that night in the kitchen, but she’d decided the information wasn’t really necessary.
Not only had Felix so clearly not wanted Lila to know he had feelings for her, but Maddie also didn’t see how Lila knowing this information would be helpful.
Her best friend’s heart was clearly set on Chan, and telling her would do nothing but make Lila feel guilty, something Maddie knew she and Felix both didn’t want.
Felix looked like he was trying to move forward- seemed happier in more ways than one- and Maddie thought for now, what Lila didn’t know wouldn’t kill her.
If the girl ever specifically asked, then she would of course, tell the truth.
“Anyway-”
She broke the temporary silence just as Lila was locking her phone.
“-they really did kill it the other night. I’m so proud of them.”
Lila nodded in agreement, but this time, the smile faded from her face a little as she fidgeted with her fingers, Maddie’s eyebrows furrowing.
“What?” she asked, turning towards her.
“I don’t know if Chan was too happy,” she admitted quietly.
“Oh…” Maddie trailed off as she thought back to that night. “I definitely noticed he was a little… irritated. But I thought it was just stress.”
“Was he stressed before we got there?” Lila asked.
“I mean… kind of…”
She remembered how Chan had been before Lila and Changbin had arrived; worried but keeping it together, insisting he stay behind and help Maddie no matter how many times she told him she’d be fine, knowing he had so much to do behind the scenes…
She remembered seeing how often he checked his phone, checked the clock on the wall, glanced at the door, clearly worried about Lila and Changbin; not only that they’d make it there on time, but also safely-
And then when they’d finally arrived and Maddie had joined them, she’d seen the slight relief on Chan’s face, the way he smiled lovingly at Lila- so very different than the way he smiled at everyone else- and she’d thought the man was okay…
So it’d surprised her when Chan had met them on stage just ten minutes later, looking stressed, biting his lip, rubbing his eyes as if tired, a little quieter than usual.
“Did something happen?” Maddie asked, watching Lila fiddle with the ends of her hair, green eyes meeting Maddie’s.
“I saw it again,” she said quietly. “The red in his eyes.”
Maddie stared at her for a moment, somewhat surprised.
“Maybe he’s going rogue,” she joked.
And Lila smiled, rolling her eyes and shaking her head.
“Shut up,” she said with a laugh. “I think… I don’t know, I think Chan was angry when he found out I was the one who helped Changbin before the show.”
Oh.
Well, Maddie couldn’t say she was too surprised.
“I mean, it makes sense,” she admitted gently. “He’s obviously head over heels for you, bestie. And it’s no man’s dream to hear his girl is hooking up with other dudes-”
“We’re not,” Lila argued indignantly. “I wasn’t hooking up with Changbin, I was helping him. It’s my job…”
“Believe me, I get it,” Maddie backtracked a little, realizing her wording wasn’t the best. “This whole situation is just…”
She trailed off, sighing a little as they looked at one another.
“Maybe you guys should talk about it,” she suggested lightly. “He doesn’t really have a right to get upset with you if he’s not telling you what’s going on. But also, if you’re noticing all this eye color stuff, it might be best for you to… you know. Tell him.”
Lila nodded, and Maddie watched her mull over the words for a moment, quietly pressing her lips together.
“You’re right,” she finally said. “I’ll talk to him soon.”
Maddie smiled, reaching into the bag of chips again as Lila turned a bit, raising an eyebrow.
“So, enough about me…” she began slowly.
This was never good; it almost always meant Lila was about to say something serious.
“What’s going on with you?”
“What do you mean?”
But Maddie already knew where this was going-
“With Jeongin… and Hyunjin.”
Her stomach flipped automatically, and she shifted the chips in her hand for something to do, avoiding Lila’s eyes.
“You mean like… us spending time together?”
“Yes.”
And while Lila didn’t say anything else, she didn’t have to, Maddie knowing exactly what she was asking.
Why are we spending time together?
“Well, I… I like hanging out with Jeongin a lot,” Maddie said softly.
“As… more than friends?”
Lila was asking all the tough questions, but her voice was quiet and understanding, Maddie turning to her, not all the way knowing the answer...
“I mean…” she trailed off. “He’s super fun to be with and when he smiles at me, it makes me kind of… giddy? I guess-”
“Yeah, I don’t know how you survive that, bestie,” Lila teased, giggling. “His smile is killer.”
“It is, and…”
Maddie was biting her bottom lip, thinking of all the times they’d spent together lately.
“We talk a lot- mainly me, honestly- and he’s super sweet… much nicer than I am, and he’s always so patient and calm…”
She smiled.
“We have fun together.”
“You have to keep it on your head-”
“What?”
Maddie was giggling and a little drunk, sitting side by side with Jeongin on the living room floor, the two of them playing a board game she’d never heard of.
“The name-” Jeongin pointed to the card in her hand, speaking between laughs. “It has to be stuck on your head so you can’t see it-”
“How?”
Before Jeongin could answer, she was attempting to press the card into the skin of her forehead, letting go and watching as the paper fluttered to the floor.
He pulled a red plastic circle from the box, laughing too hard to speak for a moment, Maddie realizing what he was holding-
“You have to wear the headband-”
Maddie remembered that night so clearly, happening just weeks after the guys had come back from Christmas break.
How much they’d laughed, in such goofy moods they’d hardly made it through two rounds of any of the games they’d picked out.
And they’d only continued to hang out from there…
“Basically, they’re best friends, but they kiss because they want to practice.”
Maddie was pacing back and forth in the kitchen, Jeongin sitting at the table, drinking iced tea and listening as she talked about the newest novel she’d started working on.
It was a warm summer day; the windows were open and the fan was on, the smell of outside refreshing despite the heat.
She’d been talking for a while, almost an hour now, but Jeongin was still there without complaint, smiling softly.
He’d asked to hang out with her hours ago, and she wasn’t sure what he’d wanted, but she was sure it wasn’t this.
Nevertheless, there he was, handsome and moving some dark hair out of his eyes, letting her go on and on.
“That’s not weird, right?”
Maddie was rambling, she knew, but she wanted to make sure it all made sense-
“I mean, it sounds stupid when I say it out loud, but there’s a whole trail of events that lead up to it, and they also have feelings for each other and just don’t know it…”
“I don’t think it sounds stupid,” Jeongin told her quietly. “It sounds interesting.”
“Thank you,” she smiled warmly at him, pacing once more as she started swinging her arms. “So, anyway, so they kiss each other, right? And nothing has ever been the same since-”
Maddie remembered that day, too.
How she’d been in the middle of writing a little novel; an idea she’d had for a while and had just recently started to work on.
She wasn’t sure how, but she’d ended up telling Jeongin the entire story- from the very beginning to the very end- and he’d listened to every bit of it, never complaining or trying to veer her attention away…
Knowing how much she needed to talk it out.
“Does this look okay?” 
Maddie was hurrying toward Jeongin, pointing at her latest sad attempt at a messy bun, watching his face.
But Jeongin just laughed, reaching out to fix some pieces of her bangs, his touch against her face leaving a light, tingling sensation upon her skin.
“It looks fine,” he said, smiling gently at her.
“Thanks,” Maddie laughed a little, a small stutter in her chest. “You’re the best.”
It was only a week ago that he’d done that, and remembering the way his eyes had moved up and down her face had her stomach flipping even now, Maddie shaking her head a bit.
“Jeongin’s just…” she didn’t know how else to say it. “Like, perfect.”
She laughed to herself.
“I would be concerned about age, but I guess that ship has sailed.”
Honestly; Maddie missed when that was her biggest issue.
Lila giggled loudly, taking a bite of her chip before raising an eyebrow at her.
“So what about Hyunjin?”
And Maddie knew this question was coming, but it didn’t make it any easier to answer, her eyes darting from Lila’s again as she swallowed hard.
“Well, for one, he annoys the crap out of me-”
“Yes, we all know this,” Lila quipped, making Maddie giggle.
“But you know. Hyunjin’s funny. And I…”
She shrugged.
“I like spending time with him, too.”
Maddie was laying on her bed, waiting for Hyunjin to meet her in her bedroom, knowing the man was coming back from recording his solo dance video- Play With Fire- and had asked if they could hang out.
When he opened the door, she was right in the middle of a chapter of her book, only looking at him for a moment before her eyes were back on the page, knowing if she looked too long, Hyunjin would distract her.
“I’ve gotta finish this chapter,” she said, seeing him walk to the other side of her bed in her peripheral vision. “Sorry-”
“It’s fine-”
He flopped down so dramatically, the entire mattress shook, Maddie giggling before he was rolling onto his side, chin resting on her arm.
“Is the book good?”
But when she glanced over at him, there was something black in his hair, and Maddie was jumping back with a quick yelp, losing her balance and toppling over the edge of the bed.
She could hear Hyunjin’s hysterical laughter from above, Maddie rubbing her arms as she sat up quickly, the man scooting to the edge of the mattress-
“There’s a bug!”
It was the first thing she’d thought, but when her eyes darted to his head again, she realized it was a black ribbon, Hyunjin’s face buried into the pillow as he continued laughing-
And then she started giggling too, realizing how funny she must’ve looked, flying off the bed, laying on the floor now, the sheets caught on her ankles.
He finally lifted up, holding his hand out to help her off the floor before pointing to his head.
“It’s a hair ribbon.”
She couldn’t help but laugh under her breath, remembering how Hyunjin had pulled her back onto the bed, the two of them laughing all over again, so hard they couldn’t breathe, Maddie begging him to take the ribbon out and throw it away so they could stop giggling.
She remembered him dangling it over her face, Maddie swatting it out of his hand and throwing it away herself, Hyunjin still laughing when she came back across the room.
They were always teasing each other like that.
Maddie sat close to Hyunjin in his bed, both still shirtless from the sex they’d had earlier, her bare arm pressed against his own as his laptop sat on his legs, their drama playing quietly.
She’d come by for some late night fun- something to ease her mind after such a stressful week- and Maddie should’ve left hours ago.
But Hyunjin had convinced her to stay again, reminding her there were only three episodes left of the drama he’d roped her into watching, and now they were on the last one, Maddie completely engrossed in the story, comfortable against him.
The finale was sad- heart-wrenching, really- not at all the ending she’d been expecting, and Maddie was surprised by the tears welling in her eyes, blinking fiercely.
She used the blanket around both of them to dab at her cheeks, and when Hyunjin turned to her- hair still sticking up in all directions- his eyes were a little glassy as well.
“Are you crying?” she teased, voice thick with her own tears.
“No-”
He sniffled, both of them laughing.
“I’m gonna tell everyone.”
Hyunjin sniffled again, smirking as he pushed his arm against her own.
“Go ahead,” he said with a shrug, turning back to the screen. “You were crying, too.”
Maddie grinned again, remembering how long they’d stayed up, discussing how much the ending sucked. She’d fallen asleep right in the middle of him talking, something he didn’t stop teasing her about the next morning, or even the next few days after…
“You look pretty smiley,” Lila remarked with a smirk.
“Shut up,” Maddie was laughing before she could help it, shaking her head with a heavy sigh.
“So, if Hyunjin is funny and you like spending time with him,” Lila began slowly. “Then why does he annoy the crap out of you?”
She looked away from Lila again, exhaling with a huff.
“He just-”
But how did she explain?
Hyunjin held the remote above his head just as Maddie was about to swipe it from him, smiling smugly at her.
“My hotel room, my choice of TV show-”
They were on a three day trip with the group in Thailand, and he’d asked her to come to his room for the night, the two of them having hooked up just a few hours ago.
Maddie was tired of whatever RomCom movie he had on, wanting to watch something else, but when she’d tried to change the channel, he’d gotten the remote before she could.
“How come that rule doesn’t apply when it’s my hotel room?” Maddie complained, making a swipe for the remote again and failing.
“Because we never stay in your hotel room.”
Hyunjin was taking great pleasure in teasing her, and Maddie was annoyed with him, sitting up more completely and grabbing for the remote for the third time.
He laughed, dodging away and losing his balance, falling to the mattress. Maddie fell with him, giggling despite herself, catching the fall with her palms, and landing on top of him.
Then she was frozen, her face so close to his, eyes wandering down every feature, stomach in knots. 
And Hyunjin was looking at her as well- for a moment, seeming almost as captivated as she’d been- before he was smirking a little, a small flicker of purple in his eyes.
“This would be a lot easier if you’d just let me have the remote, Maddie.”
She rolled her eyes, remembering how he’d won.
How that stupid movie had been on all night and- even worse- Maddie had gotten into it, staying in his room to watch until the end…
Hyunjin just had a knack for always getting his way.
“We’re all set.”
Maddie looked up from her phone at the sound of Hyunjin’s voice, her eyes wide.
She’d been sitting on the cold stone bench at the subway station, desperately looking for a way to get all eight of them to Busan before 7:00 pm-
But she watched as he took a stack of tickets from behind him, fanning them out with a smug grin on his perfect face.
“What?” Changbin was shocked, getting closer to take a look. “But how did you get them?”
“I convinced her to let me buy them,” Hyunjin said with a shrug. “They were the last ones left for this subway.”
“Oh my god-”
Maddie was just so relieved, the words slipping from her lips before she could help it.
She really thought she’d just ruined everything when she’d messed up those tickets…
Standing from the bench, their eyes locked for a moment, and then-
“Thank you!”
She wrapped her arms around him in a spontaneous embrace.
Hyunjin chuckled close to her ear, hugging her back as Maddie’s cheek dropped to his shoulder on instinct.
“It wasn’t that hard,” he muttered. “I just asked if we could buy them so they wouldn’t lose money on unsold tickets-”
Maddie remembered when he’d said that so casually- like it was the easiest thing in the world to just charm the pants off of everyone- and how he’d made it sound like she should’ve done it, too…
How he’d told her he just knew how to talk to people and it wasn’t because he was so incredibly good-looking, no matter how many times throughout that subway ride she'd told him otherwise…
As usual, Hyunjin always thought he was right.
“I’m telling you, the guy from Reply 1997 was in Infinite.”
Maddie was indignant, making grilled cheese in the kitchen as Hyunjin leaned against the counter, shaking his head.
“No,” Hyunjin was already taking his phone out of the pocket of his jeans. “It was Block B.”
“Block B?” Maddie’s eyebrows furrowed, and she quickly checked the bread of her sandwich, making sure it wasn’t burning. “No- it’s definitely infinite. Woohyun!”
Hyunjin was concentrated, still typing on his phone as she turned around to look at him.
His face fell a little when he stopped scrolling.
“Okay, you’re right,” he said with a sigh. “It is Infinite…”
“Ha! See? You don’t know everything like you think you do!”
She was teasing of course, but Hyunjin had been arguing pretty fiercely with her about it-
“Yeah?”
He was suddenly smirking, turning his phone around so she could see, shaking it a little.
“Well, you don’t know as much as you think you do either, Maddie. His name is Hoya. Not Woohyun.”
She shook her head, remembering how annoyingly smug he’d been about that.
How she’d told him messing up the name wasn’t as bad as messing up the group, and they’d gotten so into that debate, she’d ended up burning her grilled cheese after all-
“He’s just so full of himself.”
Maddie finally found the words she was looking for, stuffing three chips in her mouth and chewing them fiercely, Lila laughing beside her.
“Bestie, I hate to break it to you, but he’s always been full of himself.”
Maddie swallowed quickly.
“And now you see my dilemma.”
“So you do have a dilemma.”
“Wha-”
“I thought there was no dilemma with Hyunjin. That you guys were just hanging out for stress relief.”
Maddie had walked right into this one, her mouth snapping closed.
They were just hanging out for stress relief.
Or…
Well.
She couldn’t help but think about it; how many times they’d been in one another’s bedrooms, hidden in closets, locked themselves up in bathrooms…
Kissing, yes; Touching, yes; Having sex, yes.
But also talking about their days, getting into shows, sometimes just reading webtoons together after a hookup, barely speaking, but so very comfortable together…
Was Maddie always stressed out every time she came to see him?
Was Hyunjin always worn out and in need of a feed every time he saw her?
Everyone was getting out of the car, Maddie lingering behind to finish an email to BamBam, telling the rest that she’d meet them inside.
Hyunjin had lingered behind too, saying something about needing to call his parents, and yet he hadn’t made any calls, Maddie glancing up when she was done with her email, raising her eyebrows at him.
“I thought you were calling your mom.”
But he just smiled- the softer, one-sided one she got sometimes from him, her heart skipping a beat in her chest- and then he was leaning forward, pressing his lips against hers.
An immediate heat was spreading across her cheeks, Maddie’s eyes slipping closed automatically, heart pounding against the walls of her chest, Hyunjin’s hand sliding casually up her side.
When they broke for air she was pulling back to look at him, feeling surprised.
“What was that for?”
But he just grinned playfully, leaning close again, lips centimeters from her own.
“I just wanted to.”
Maddie didn’t have time to ask what that meant, Hyunjin already kissing her again, hand running further up her shirt.
And when their lips moved together, there was a certain feeling to it Maddie couldn’t explain; her head going fuzzy, throat tight, air caught in her lungs. 
Her fingers threaded through his hair and Hyunjin’s breath hitched, sending a spark through her system-
“Maybe we should just stay out here for a minute.”
His words were breathy and whispered in the little space between them, Maddie wrapping her arms around his neck as she smiled.
“So basically you just want me to yourself.”
She was mostly joking, and he laughed softly, his hot breath against her mouth almost more than she could take-
“Yeah sure,” he muttered, already coming to kiss her again, fingers now curling a bit, holding her waist in the best of ways. “Think whatever you want.”
Maddie hadn’t known what was to come.
That they’d be making out in the back of the SUV, his leg lodged between her own, moving against her, their breathing a little too loud for the complete quiet of the car.
Maddie holding him, never feeling like he was close enough when they were like this, Hyunjin’s heavy exhales against her parted lips, the two of them getting so lost in each other…
And while that had always been the point- while it’d always been so easy to forget about the real world when they were together…
Neither of them had been stressed or in need of anything when that’d happened.
Maddie swallowed hard, realizing the lines were starting to blur…
There was a lot less “This is to take the edge off” and a lot more “I just like the way this feels”.
She shook her head quickly, a strange twist in her chest as she bit her lip, feeling anxious as she looked at Lila.
“Honestly…” Maddie said, sighing heavily. “I really don’t know anymore.”
To Be Continued...
8 | 9 | 10
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hybistrophile · 3 years ago
Note
If we’re going to torture Barry: he survives an attack from carnage. He spends the next couple years desperately looking for them hoping that they’re still alive and then finds civiles high school and he waits for when he’s alone to him. He tries to explain but then he stops him “I already knew that It was scary at first but then I understood Papa does everything love for me and mama! He protects us! Even if that means his hands are red. Papa would never hurt me but you are a dirty hog to him.”
This ask, along with the one underneath, has inspired me to torture Barry further.
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Want to see the Kasadys after a dacade-long timeskip through the eyes of Barry Hatchet?
Check it out under the cut!
• the last time Barry Hatchet laid eyes on you was when you left to get some overpriced coffee from a San Francisco café; you looked as beautiful as the day of his return to NYC; you were wearing red;
• the last time he saw his son Clive, he was carrying him to his crib; and the first and last time he saw Carnage, the creature that's been terrorizing NYC, was when he entered his baby's room; and it spoke to Barry before slicing his dick off: "good evenin', Hog Jr.; that's my boy you're holdin' and that was my woman you've been gettin' cozy with;"
• the words didn't make sense to Barry the time; all he knew was that he's been emasculated; literally; when the paramedics came, he had lost enough blood to lose his memories too; but he recovered them in time with his body;
• moving on with his life was not what he wanted to do, but it was the only choice presented to him; as a surviving victim of Carnage and Cletus Kasady (which the Spider-man swung all the way to San Francisco to catch), he had more in common with you now that you were dead; or, so the police speculated;
• the next time Carnage escaped, Barry didn't rely on any authorities to keep him safe; the NYPD knowing your location is what had left a trail for that monster to follow you in the first place;
• he trusted no detective, but the private ones; so, after years of moving around all across the US, working in both butcher and craft shops, he settled back in NYC and hired a PI; it took him several more years and multiple PIs to track you down, but he did; "that damn redneck moved back to the South," he seethed, learning by now that Cletus Kasady was raised in Brooklyn, despite his Southern roots;
• when he eventually made it to the small town you've settled down in, he drove past your house; there was a new pick-up truck parked right outside the renovated farmhouse; he's seen the photos the investigator took, so he shouldn't have been surprised to see how cozy your property looked; it made him envy the man as opposed to making him pity you;
• the next day was a school day, so, after getting only a couple of hours of sleep, he made his way to the local middle school; his 10-year-old son Clive (now going by Cain) was supposed to be there along his 8-year-old sister, Louise; he saw the both of them get on the school bus from his car he parked right across the street;
• for the next week, he did this; either from his car, or by pretending to be a pedestrian; his baby boy, his Clive was all grown up; he couldn't get close and he shouldn't have either; it's a small town, so it's only a matter of time until anyone notices the latest one to move in is creeping around the school;
• he got hired in the local woodshop, painting furniture; the pay was shit, but that wasn't why he was there; he could've been on the other side of town, in the slaughterhouse, working for Cletus Kasady himself; but he couldn't do that, could he? sure, he could expose him as the monster that he was, but nobody seemed to suspect Kurtis "Butch" Cassidy; he made it easy for them, but they just closed their eyes to the truth;
• it took him two months to work up the courage (or to make a death wish) to seek out his son again; the woodshop had a delivery to make and the client was Mrs. Cassidy herself; you had to refurbish the nursery before the new baby arrives;
• "saw the missus just the other night at the diner; she looked about ready to pop, but said the baby ain't do for another month," his boss boasted about his closeness to the Cassidys; "think that's the second time this month they went out; Butch loves spoilin' his lady; he loves knockin' her up and showin' her off even more; all this?" he then directs Barry's attention to the furniture they loaded in the truck; "that's for baby number four;"
• Barry's stomach flipped and flopped the entire drive to your house, but it wasn't motion sickness; he hoped that the years apart, the overgrown beard and the old cap on his head would protect his identity from you; he simultaneously wished he'd be your savior again; he's raised one of your children before, so he'll raise four of them if you asked it of him; he had no means of impregnating you or anyone else anymore; that monster saw to that when he sliced his family jewels off;
• he'd seen you in pictures, alive; but it was nothing like the real deal; even ten years later, you looked the picture of motherhood; you greeted them on the porch with your two-year-old on your hip and literally barefoot while very pregnant; he took his hat off and introduced himself as Basil, but you were too distracted to notice how he was avoiding your eyes; along with his boss, you were fawning over Cornelius "Nelly" Cassidy and how big he had apparently gotten;
• since his boss knew his way around the house and was a friend of the family, "Basil" got to be out of your sight while they set up the furniture upstairs; you only joined them after they were finished, admiring his work and thanking them for the effort; "I got sweet tea if you boys are feeling thirsty," you invited them out on the porch and Barry got to cool down with a drink before spotting the oldest Kasady child again;
• he was chasing a cat around and the poor thing barely got away; after it climbed into the nearest tree, he began climbing after it; "Cain, baby, get back here," you called to him, as overprotective as he remembered you; you even kept your daughter close, squeezing her hand when she tried running after her brother; Barry promised you he'd go help him and so he did; but he was too late;
• an eager Cain cried in frustratation as he fell from the lower branches; you cried in terror, but were slow to catch up with them; "Baby, are you hurt?"; "don't worry, ma'am," Barry helped Cain up; "Clive's fine;"
• "who's Clive?" the gangly boy, tall for his age, but sounding even younger, looked at him like he was a stranger; and he was; then, he looked at you; "I'm fine, Momma,"; if you were scared before, you looked terrified now; you got to look into “Basil’s” eyes and his cover was blown;
• "Momma?"; "how many times did I tell you to stop terrorizing the cats?"; "sorry," he said, but it was devoid of any remorse "hope the baby's not freakin' out in your belly"; he must've apologized for stressing the unborn child so many times before; the only emotion he heard from the boy was when he called out to his blood father: "Dad's home!"
• the pick-up truck pulled up and you were dragged away from him by Clive - Cain, actually - who was leading both of you towards it; "Daddy," Louise bounced in place with her baby brother in her arms; Barry watched as the child he had once called his jumped into the arms of the man who took everything from him
• he watched as he was spun around, and heard him express more of that emotion: happiness; he was happy; and, as they were joined by your other children, you looked the picture perfect old-fashioned Southern family;
• "how's my youngest?" Cletus asked, one hand rubbing at your sore back and the other placed protectively over your belly; "baby is fine," you leaned against his side, head resting on his shoulder; "how's Mommy?"; "Mommy missed you, Daddy;" your children went from trying to drag the both of you inside, pulling at your arms, to letting go once the two of you started sucking face;
• "stop," Louise laughed; "stooop; Daddy, stop; Mommy and I made your favorite;" Cletus looked down at the light of his life; "can't wait to taste it, Lulu; now get your brothers and mother inside; I gotta take these trespassers off our property;"
• "evenin' to you too, Butch," the woodshop owner teased him before shaking his hand; "told you about the Northener workin' for me? he painted the crib the missus is crazy 'bout;" "Basil," he introduced himself, eyes on the ground; "thanks from pleasin' my lady, Basil," he squeezed his hand a little too tight, and, just as Barry began to fear being discovered, he was released; "she was dead set on red;"
• as he got back into the truck, Barry saw his son - Cletus Kasady's son - stare at him through the kitchen window; he'd escaped unscathed tonight, but he knew he wouldn't be so lucky next time;
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theplushmaker · 4 years ago
Text
Oki since someone asked for the Silver headcannons I'll post them, there's quite a few so I hope you enjoy!
Please let me know if I should put a warning
• Silver loves to look at the night sky to see the stars since he came from an apocalyptic future where ash and smog covered the sky
• Silver was originally part of Sonic's time but was transported 200 years into the future by Mephiles to insure the (rewritten) events of Sonic 06
• Silver enjoys botany
• Silver was taught English by Mephiles
• Silver knows seconds and days but has trouble when it comes to hours, weeks, months, and years
• Silver at first had trouble understanding how birthdays worked
• Silver was a lot shorter when he first met Sonic due to malnourishment, making him look like a 10-year-old (despite being 14)
• only Silver remembers the events of Sonic 06 due to Mephiles' interference
• Silver had to ask Sonic what certain words meant ex: parents, mom and dad, sister/brother, etc, etc, the first time he asked Sonic what family was, Sonic was, understandably, confused then worried, afterward, Silver had asked Shadow instead only to get the same results (albeit less obvious) so now he only asks if he can't figure it out on his own
• Silver is used to hot temperatures due to the lava and fire in the apocalyptic future
• Silver gained the ability of foresight, albeit weak, (after Sonic 06) and is only able to use it when meditating (this is so that Silver doesn't have to appear JUST because "oh the future's in danger and he has to prevent it" like in the games)
• Silver can not time travel, that was all Mephiles' doing (^)
• Silver has a fear of fire (pyrophobia)
• Silver can not tell when someone is being sarcastic and will take everything someone says literally, Charmy learned this the hard way when he told Silver to "throw the bucket of water at Sonic" Sonic was knocked unconscious with Tails panicking, safe to say Charmy learned his lesson and was later grounded by Espio when he found out
• Silver's first "food" when Mephiles sent him back was ham sandwiches
• when Shadow had to keep an eye on Silver, (along with Rouge and Omega, due to him getting a head injury because Shadow "accidentally" kicked him and Rouge felt it was their mostly his responsibility to take care of him till he recovers) he saw Silver laying on the ground outside, when Shadow walked over Silver looked at him with big eyes saying "it's so small" with the tone of an amazed child, upon closer inspection Shadow found out that he was referring to a caterpillar he found eating a leaf, Rouge was there recording the whole thing
• Silver managed to make Shadow smile when he first saw snow and started acting like a child on his first snow day
• Silver never told anyone about the events of 06 after the "time-line reset" thinking it was best left forgotten (that and he's afraid of what everyone will think should he tell them that he helped a man, who no longer exists, almost end the world)
• Silver sleeps at 12:40 but will wake up at 4:00 IN THE MORNING just because he's still not used to the concept of time, the only reason why everyone knows this is because one-time Sonic let Silver stay the night at his and Tails place, and Tails ended up finishing a project at 4:33 AM the boy walked out of his lab expecting for Sonic and Silver to be asleep, only to get the absolute daylights scared out of him when he finds Silver (trying to but shh!) Reading a book at the kitchen table, Silver fell out of his chair and Sonic came down running (but not without falling off his bed and hitting his head hard) to check on them, after that they told everyone of Silver's "messed up" sleep schedule
• Silver is illiterate but is trying his best to learn how to read without anyone knowing, so far no one suspects a thing
• Silver has quite a bit of pain tolerance given the fact that Knuckles dislocated his shoulder once and Silver didn't even flinch, even after they fixed it by taking him to a doctor
• Silver can not stay in one place for too long, given the fact that he traveled all over the place in the apocalyptic future, it was only a given that the habit never died, of course, Sonic and co can keep him from leaving by simply keeping him busy, this has helped greatly with surprise party's
• Silver's first "language" was just a mix-mash of 40 other languages
• if Silver doesn't use his psychokinesis he can end up building up too much energy for his body to handle, so what happens if he can no longer handle it you may ask? Chaos, absolute chaos, he ends up acting like Charmy on a sauger rush and Sonic when he has coffee, his abilities go haywire and he doesn't even know it, the worse part is, the only reason he did stop using his psychokinesis is because he made a bet with Shadow to see who can go the longest without using their abilities, Rouge, of course, recorded the whole thing, along with Omega, no one has let him live it down since
• the gold bracelet things (what are they even called?) Silver has can store excess energy and it can store a lot, (so combine that with energy build-up)
• Silver has nightmares of when his primary caretakers were killed, (PTSD?) Though sometimes it would be about Blaze, Amy, Sonic, Shadow, or all of them, sometimes it's them getting killed or them leaving him once they remember or find out about the events of 06, which is why he tries his best to act as normal as everyone else, though sometimes it's about Mephiles telling him things, he tries to bury those memories
• Silver didn't know it at the time but he and Mephiles had a father-son relationship before he realized Mephiles was using him, it saddens him knowing that he might never have that type of relationship again
• Silver sometimes reminds Shadow of Maria with how he acts when he sees/ learns something new
• Silver, Shadow and Sonic have a brotherly relationship, Silver being the young oblivious brother, Sonic being the carefree middle brother, and Shadow being the strict older brother
• Silver may act like a child most of the time but if someone gets in his way of survival, he will go stone cold
• Silver's boots are made of metal so they weigh quite a bit, of course, the only reason why everyone knows this is because when Shadow "accidentally" knocked him unconscious, he, along with Rouge, tried to drag him inside only to find out his boots weighed him down and had to be removed, this lead to the discovery that Silver was underweight, (they left his boots outside, covered by a box because they didn't want to bother trying to move them inside)
• Amy and Vanille were the first to find out that Silver had quite the sweet tooth, he likes marshmallows best
• Silver gets vocabulary lessons from Amy while taking cooking and health lessons
• Vanille makes sure that Silver eats whenever she gets the chance, like a worried mother
• Silver's teeth are surprisingly healthy, just not the cleanest... with a little bit of red staining (though people assume that it's because his gums bleed and not because he ate something he shouldn't have) Amy had to teach him how to brush and had to remind him to brush every night until it became a good habit of his, his teeth are also pretty sharp for a hedgehog (I wonder why)
• due to multiple reasons, (take a guess) most of Sonic Co think that Silver didn't have a great upbringing, with most of them assuming that he had strict parents and lived during a famine in a dry/hot area that was prone to violence, which they aren't wrong but they are?
• with Silver's fear of fire, one would think that he and Blaze didn't get along, but the opposite is true, Blaze keeps using fire at a minimum when he's around and if she did use it then she'd give ample warning time and space before she does it, in return Silver stays close to the ground so he doesn't "trigger" her fear of heights
• Silver does not know anything about romance, so when he starts to suddenly feel odd around Blaze, ex: abnormal heart rate, weird feeling in his stomach, warm cheeks, etc, he asks Amy about it, (mostly because she's been teaching him about health) and she gets excited and tells him about love (she's secretly cupid, fight me)
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thestarsoutofyourwindow · 4 years ago
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Forbidden Library - The Doctor x Reader
This was written with 11 in mind, but you can easily see it as 10, so it’s your preference! I wrote this as a description experiment, then tried to apply some story to it. I’ve been trying to master character/body language too, so this took a while to write because I just couldn’t settle on anything, so I just gave up. If this does well I may do a part two, and I’ll try to make it more romancy. Word Count: 2,161 Summary: You hear a book fall whilst in the library and go to investigate. You stumble upon a book that answers the questions you’ve been asking yourself for a long time, but you just can’t bring yourself to lie to the Doctor about it. Warnings: Time War heavily referenced, Comforting the Doctor, A lot of description, You find it hard to lie, Reassuring the Doctor.
All of time and space, he said. Wherever, whenever, and home in time for tea.  The Doctor has always been a bit of an enigma to you. You knew practically nothing about him, yet if anyone had asked, you would consider him one of your closest friends. However, whether or not you're the sort to ask questions, you had a feeling he isn't as honest as you'd like to believe.
The first time you had asked him about his people and planet, he ignored you completely, babbling about the asteroid you were supposed to be visiting. The second time you had asked, he dodged around it, giving you a half-arsed response. All he told you is that his race died out a long, long time ago and that there was a war. After that, he excused himself, and you couldn't bring yourself to mention it to him again.
You had to admit, that puzzled you: you had believed it to be a sensitive subject, so of course, you left it there. No matter how curious you were, you're not going to force The Doctor into reliving anything he'd rather not. But sometimes it did keep you up at night. The Doctor had never seemed like the fighting sort, but something about his recount didn't settle right with you. You weren’t sure what. Usually, on those nights where you end up in an hours-worth of conversation with the TARDIS, you would truly realise how much you thought about it. As weird as it sounded, you felt she was listening as she would often click or whirr in response. You felt insane the first time you did it, but the longer you spoke to her, the more normal it felt. You hardly mentioned your conversations to the Doctor, but whenever you did, he only grinned to himself.
"Doctor?" You peeked into the library. It was, and always will be, the most impressive library you had ever seen. There were cherry-wood bookshelves, that stood towering over you, each shelf overfilled with beloved, worn books. The library was like a maze, asides from the sitting area where a few chairs huddled around a fake-fireplace, there was an indeterminable quantity of shelves. The rest of the library was lit up by fairy lights, which looked as if to be a new addition to the systematic chaos, making the already supernal library look even more mystical. According to the Doctor, the TARDIS has full management over the configuration and layout of the bookshelves, sort of like the Hogwarts stairs. There were step-ladders haphazardly scattered throughout the library. There was the occasional ivy plant that had grown and twisted down the bookshelves. One day you had been scrolling through Tumblr, and a post with ivy plants showed up on your feed. You talked about how cool that is to the TARDIS; within the next week ivy sprung up all over the place, including the kitchen. The Doctor made a passing remark about the ivy plants, and you confessed, alongside a frantic apology. He laughed, telling you it didn't bother him.
"Yeah, Y/n/n?" He mumbled, not so much as blinking away from his book. He hunched over it; his legs draped off the arm of the chair due to his inability to sit correctly. He nestled himself in a duvet, and which would be inconspicuous if not for his head poking out. "Have you seen... Woah. Fairy lights!" You smile, looking up at the tastefully draped lighting. "Is this your doing?" The Doctor asks ludicrously, turning to face towards you, gesturing over at the shelves, "I knew the TARDIS liked you, but this is getting ridiculous."
You chuckle for a moment before peering back at him, "I only came here to ask if you'd seen the book I left on the kitchen counter, but if you're going to criticise me so rudely, well I guess I'll go trip over something important." The Doctor grimaced at that, "That's really not necessary, I think... Yeah, I brought it in here with me earlier." He gestured the book out at you, over the back of the armchair. You stepped closer, about to take the book, when he pulled it away, his eyebrows furrowing. "Are you going to do some reading? If so, would you like to, um, maybe sit and join me?" "Yeah, why not?" You marvel, looking him dead in the eye. You walked around the chair and sat on the armchair next to his.
You cosied down and tried to focus on reading. However, your anxieties and considerations began cropping up again. You lost yourself in thought over what the Doctor keeps from you. Peeking up at the Doctor, you noticed his eyelids drooping. You watched attentively; you had never seen him asleep, oddly enough. His head, already tilted into his chest, slipped further. His tousled brown hair settled on his face, and his breathing eased. His grip on the book slackened. You remained there, admiring the sleepy face you had grown attached to over the months of touring time and space together.
Due to the endearing nature of his subtle breathing, you hardly realise the TARDIS clicking to get your attention. A distant thump draws you out of your hypnosis, the sound emanating from deep in the library. You stir noiselessly out of the armchair, as to not disturb your friend, and hesitantly edge towards the direction you assume it originated. You notice a small, cherry wood door in the wall between some bookshelves. Convinced you have never seen that door before, you approach the door. Stopping dead in your tracks for a moment, you take a moment to calm your nerves. The TARDIS would never let you get hurt, at least if she could help it. You reached your palm out towards the handle and, taking the TARDIS's silence for approval, enclose your hand around the metallic knob and twist.
Behind the door was what appeared to be the smaller section of the library, perhaps it's a study full of books the Doctor had just never taken back to the library? From what you could make out through the darkness, and the distinct smell of dust, the bookshelves were similarly themed to the ones outside. Although, these shelves are in a much smaller room, both vertically and horizontally. A desk was facing towards the door on your left, and a beanbag on the floor to your right.
You were about to close the door and leave, ready to call it his study and leave it at that. But as the door was half-closed, it dawned on you that the Doctor had never even mentioned this room, and the room appeared as though it had been undisturbed for a long time. This room would be pretty redundant, and the TARDIS surely would've reorganised the books onto the shelves, right? With that in mind, you re-entered the room, curiosity brimming in your eyes as you notice the book in the middle of the floor. It's TARDIS blue cover stood out like a sore thumb against the crimson carpet, regardless of how dark the room was. As you knelt to pick up the obscure book, the ceiling light flickered on.
"History of the Time Lords: All you need to know." You mumbled as you read. You habitually flip the book in your hands to read the blurb, the grey foiled text read, "From humble beginnings to the vicious politics of the time war, here is everything you need to know about the history of our civilisation." You checked to see if there is a contents page, of which there is. None of the chapters stood out, except for perhaps, Gallifrey Falls. It clicked in your mind that Gallifreyan must equate to Time Lord, at least to some extent. The Doctor had referred to himself as the last Time Lord.
You flip to the chapter and settle down on the floor, considering you may be there for some time.
And by god, you were. You read about everything from the potential causes, to the effects on the rest of the universe. What you paid the most attention to, however, was the Doctors' involvement. For the most part, he stayed out of the war, asides from helping the victims. But whoever had "restored" him, had pinned the continuing deaths on the Doctor and his lack of involvement, which had finally made him give in. The Doctor fought for literal decades on the front line.
No wonder he didn't want to talk about it.
You read on about the sacrifices he made and the Daleks. They always survived, no matter what he did. By the time you had wrapped up two or three chapters, you had worked yourself up. Even if you're not the emotional sort, just the thought of the Doctor having to go through all of that brought you to tears. You kept imagining the burden he must be carrying, keeping from you and Amy. The decisions he has made.
You stood up, the book still in your hands, and make your way back to where you had left the Doctor.
Upon re-entering that section of the library, it took you a moment to realise that your companion no longer huddled in the armchair. There was no trace of him. You hoped he had withdrawn to his room, and took a step towards his chair.  "Y/n!" A hand landed on your shoulder. You recoiled, whirling around to face the weary-eyed Doctor, pulling the large book to your chest, "There-... what's up?" "Nothing, I-I just thought you had gone to your room, is all. You scared me." You exhale a sigh of relief, gently laughing as you spoke. "What have you got there?" He scrutinised inquisitively, eyes pinned on the book you were gripping so tightly. "Oh, It's a book," The Doctor raised a brow at you and rolled his eyes, a smile on his cheeks, and you thoughtlessly added an, "Well, of course, it is, uh, it fell off a shelf in a sort of study room- I heard it and went to see what it was." You handed the book over sheepishly. It wasn't your book to keep, after all. You didn't want to admit it, but a part of you didn't want to lie to the Doctor, either.
He shifted the book about until he could comfortably read it; the moment his eyes darted back up to you, eyebrows curved upwards, smile extinct, you could've sworn something shattered behind his eyes. Noticing this, you couldn't stop yourself from clarifying, "I, I did read a bit of it, quite a lot actually- out of curiosity. Look, I'm, I'm so sorry. I didn't realise when I kept asking you about Gallifrey, and the war- if I'd known the half of it-" You paused, taking a deep breath and looking into his eyes, "Look, If you want me to forget about this, that's cool- I, erm, can just pretend this never happened, and I'll make sure to keep Amy/Donna off your ass about it," "Humans, you're so," The Doctor mutters exasperatedly, gesturing outwards with his hands, before sighing, he puts his hands on your shoulders, squeezing gently, "You know, Y/n. You don't have to stay. I get it, I really do. I killed my entire species, nothing co-" "Doctor. You cannot honestly tell me that it is your fault. I won't sit here and listen to you take the blame for something you avidly tried to avoid. From what I read, you tried to help- you swore to help, to make up for something out of your control," You rest your hands on his upper arm, shaking him gently as you speak, "You did your best, you did what you thought was the right thing, and most importantly, you saved the whole of time and space, again, from the Daleks and the Time Lords." The Doctor hesitated, lips pursing as he looked away. You offer him a hug, and he quickly accepts, his arms wrapping around your waist. You try your very best to make it the best hug you've ever given. You hold him firmly and flatten the back of his hair soothingly as you speak, "Treat yourself the way you'd treat someone else, you know? I know it's been a long time, but I need you to know that I'm not leaving you for doing the right thing." The Doctor took a shaky breath, "Yeah. Thank you." He breathily laughed, "I wish I had met you sooner." You smiled, "Well the day you figure out how, I will have prepared some very, strong words for you." He hummed in affirmation into your shoulder, "I'll have to work on that." The two of you just stood there for a bit, hugging each other. You impulsively touch a kiss against the Doctors temple as the two of you separate. 
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solipsistful · 3 years ago
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Fuckit, you know what seems like a good and productive use of time? Applying DSM-5 criteria for schizotypal personality disorder to best boy Control:
(Using examples from Authority, because I think him losing his goddamn mind in Acceptance is pretty understandable, even if he does so in very Control ways.)
ideas of reference: Control literally just people-watching going ‘I wonder if they’re playing out actions for me specifically 🤔’: “Which made Control wonder if he had become a wraith or if they were enacting a ritual, meant for an audience of one. Which implied a deeper significance to it all, even though Control knew that might be a false thought, and a dangerous one.”
odd beliefs or magical thinking: Arguably, his inner guides, right? Or there’s other moments where he acts directly based on his dreams and “subconscious.”
unusual perceptual experiences: His dissociative episodes! “Sometimes this happens while he is awake, as if he hasn’t been paying enough attention, and then he silently recites his own name until the real world returns to him.”  And yes, dissociation counts -- is in fact a common example given in descriptions of schizotypal. :’)
odd thinking and speech: ““Seven hundred and fifty-three isn’t a mistake,” he said. “Seven hundred and twenty-two isn’t a mistake, either.” Her eyes narrowed. “Something is wrong with you.””
suspiciousness or paranoid ideation: ... Do I really need an example. One fun one: “There was a squashed mosquito on the inside of his windshield, and Control had no idea how it had gotten there. He knew it hadn’t been there in the morning, and he had no memory of swatting one away. Paranoid thought: Carelessness on the part of someone searching his car... or did someone want him to know he was being watched?”
inappropriate or constricted affect: “John looked over at her, standing across from him while the waves blasted the rocks and despite the gray and despite the wet and the cold, despite the fact he might die sometime in the next few minutes, he started to laugh.”
behavior or appearance that is odd, eccentric, or peculiar: Please read the entire ant scene at the start of part 2 and tell me Control isn’t a goddamn weirdo throughout it. “”Hold still,” he told her as he set his coffee and biscuit atop the trunk of his car. “It’s harmless, and I’ll get it off you.” Because no one else seemed of any use. Most were ignoring her, while some, as they got into or out of their cars and SUVs, were laughing at her. But Control wasn’t laughing. He didn’t find it amusing. He didn’t know where Area X was on him, either, and all the questions in his head seemed in that moment as frenetic and useless as the woman’s questions.”
lack of close friends or confidants other than first-degree relatives: “There was only one message: from Mary Phillips, his girlfriend until they’d broken up about six months ago, checking in to make sure the move had gone okay.”
excessive social anxiety that does not diminish with familiarity and tends to be associated with paranoid fears rather than negative judgments about the self: Unclear, but one of the reason he gives for his relationships never working out is “his circumspection” (”There had been almost as many girlfriends as postings; they usually didn’t survive the moves, or his circumspection, or his odd hours, or maybe he just hadn’t found the right person.”)
And of course, this all being pretty Disordered™ for him, leading to 10 jobs in 15 years, a love life that he’s clearly dissatisfied with, etc.
- Serpent
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nataliedanovelist · 4 years ago
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GF - Their Girl
Loosely based off of several cases that have, unfortunately, taken place in schools.
Mabel defends herself when a boy touches her, only to be the one to get in trouble. Not on her grunkles watch.
~~~~~~~~~~
“In 1930, the Republican-controlled House of Representatives, in an effort to alleviate the effects of the - Anyone? Anyone? - the Great Depression, passed a - Anyone? Anyone? - a tariff bill. The Hawley-Smoot Tariff Act, which - Anyone? Raised or lowered? - raised tariffs, in an effort to collect more revenue for the Federal Government.”
Mabel leaned back in her desk chair to stretch. It was cold in the high school, but luckily her seat was right in the sunshine, warming her up like a lizard on a rock. Her baggy yellow sweater fell off her left shoulder and she let it without giving it much of a second thought, then watched some birds on a tree as the Economics teacher droned on.
“Did it work? Anyone? Anyone know the effects? It did not work, and the United States fell deeper into the Great Depression.”
Tenth grade was too young to learn about something so boring. This was for suckers who paid money for it, like college students. Mabel held her breath to keep herself from snorting over her own inner thoughts. Grunkle Stan would be proud of her, she thought, and her thoughts wandered to him and Grunkle Ford, until she was snapped back into reality. Literally.
“Today, we have a similar debate over this, anyone know what this is? Class? Anyone? Anyone? Anyone seen this before? The Laffer Curve.”
A boy behind her (his name slipped her mind at the proper moment) was playing with her exposed bra strap. It felt like he had grabbed it, barely pulled it back, and let go. At first, she thought maybe it was an accident. Unlike, but possible. But then it happened again, this time the boy pulled the bra strap far enough that when he let go it slapped against her skin a little. It didn’t hurt, and the teacher’s boring voice drowned out the noise, but still.
“Anyone know what this says? It says that at this point on the revenue curve you will get exactly the same amount of revenue as at this point.”
Mabel turned around sharply at once and gave him a deadly glare. “Stop it.” She whispered firmly.
The boy grinned menacingly, and sneered just as quietly, “Make me.”
Mabel whipped her head back, making sure her long ponytail hit him in the face, but though her actions stopped him for a moment, soon he was back to pulling on her bra strap, each time pulling back farther and farther.
“This is very controversial. Anyone know what President George H. W. Bush called this in 1980? Anyone? Something-D-O-O Economics. Voodoo Economics.”
A loud snap sound echoed, a yell of pain and aggravation, and then Mabel Pines stood so sharply her chair fell backwards, turned around, and punched the jerk in the face, left-hook boxing style.
“Ms. Pines!” The teacher scolded loudly.
The whole class was on the edge of their seats. All the kids had seen what happened; the ones sitting closest to the pair had been well aware of what was going on since the beginning. While they were hopeful the jerk would get what’s coming to him, they all knew that wasn’t likely. Not under the most sexist teacher’s nose.
“To Mr. William’s office. Now.” He growled.
“But he was touching my bra!” Mabel defended. “He was invading my personal bubble even though I told him to back off!”
“It’s a very small classroom, Ms. Pines. And maybe he wouldn’t have touched it if you didn’t have it out for the whole world to see.” The man said coldly and pointed to the door. “Now please leave my classroom.”
Mabel knew there was no point in defending herself. She did a quick glance around the room to see if anyone would defend her, but no one looked ready to jump into the line of fire. She understood why. This guy had a bad reputation. Mabel loudly stuffed her notebook filled with doodles into her backpack, took it and her small purse, and stomped out of the classroom.
She did manage to catch the blood coming out of the boy’s nose and grinned.
At Mr. William’s office, the sweet secretary with old-lady glasses offered her a mint and was very nice to her. But soon Mr. William entered the room and had Mabel enter his office. Apparently the teacher had called ahead so Mabel didn’t have to tell the principal what happened, leaving the girl to feel like she was walking into the Lion’s Den.
~~~~~~~~~~
Dipper left his Robotics class to meet up with Mabel, who normally would be leaving Economics, so they could walk to their last class, Language Arts 10, together. Economics emptied pretty quickly thanks to the boredom, so Dipper was a bit confused when he didn’t see his twin sister out in the hall, and wondered if she was in the bathroom.
He saw a fellow student who shared Mabel’s Economics class, Rose, leave the ladies’ room, and so he asked, “Hey Rose, is Mabel in there?”
She shook her head. “Nah, didn’t you hear? She got sent to the office for punching Jeremy.”
Dipper grinned with pride, but it quickly went away; Mabel would only do that if Jeremy was doing something. “What’d he do?”
“Smacked her with her own bra strap.” Rose pulled down the neck of her t-shirt and demonstrated, “Like this.” And she pulled her bra strap and let go, making it snap.
“Are you kidding me?!” Dipper yelled and his eyes landed on the teacher to his right, standing with his arms crossed and looking out for rule-breakers.
The young man growled in his throat like an angry dog, ready to tell the jerk off, but he felt a buzz in his pocket and pulled out his phone while Rose walked away. Dipper calmed down a little, sighed, and walked to the lockers to lean against them as he responded to his newest text. He had no intention of going to Language Arts. He’d be on his way to the office soon enough in case his sister needed him.
~~~~~~~~~~
Ford re-read the maps and plans for Spring Break with an exciting grin all over his face. Soon the kids would be out of school and take a bus to the pier where he and Stan had docked the Stan O’ War II, then they would sail alongside the California shore, fishing, sailing, and occasionally swimming, for a whole week. They had been planning this since the holidays, when they had all facetimed for five hours while the old sailors were on the shores of the Netherlands. The kids had practically begged to go on the boat with them, and so they agreed to sail alongside Russia and visit California, planning to then re-visit Alaska quickly before sailing down to Oregon for the summer.
Stan climbed up from the cabin below as he pulled on his white t-shirt. “How much longer until the kids are free from prison?”
Ford rolled his eyes and checked his watch. “Ninety minutes. And it’s a twenty minute drive, so it’ll be about another two hours, Stanley.”
The youngest of the pair by fifteen minutes groaned and collapsed on the couch. “I could always hotwire a car and we could see them now. We can pretend one of us died and so we need the kids now.”
“Stanley, no.”
“Stanley YES!”
Ford chuckled and rolled up the map. “Text them if you miss them so much.”
“Maybe I will.” Stan snorted and pulled out his phone to text in the group chat. “Surviving okay, kids?” Just a casual greeting, and he and Ford were pleasantly surprised to get a little buzz back not a minute longer.
“Not really.”
Stan raised an eyebrow while Ford had his back to him and was organizing his papers. “Why? What’s wrong?”
Little dots appeared and reappeared. Stan knew what that meant. Dipper was being careful how he answered. Stan decided to check, and sure enough Mabel hadn’t even seen the texts yet. When he got a small paragraph back, Stan nearly crushed his phone in his fist. “WHAAAAAT?!”
Ford jumped a foot in the air and held his chest. “Christ, Stan, what…”
“Check your phone, Genius! We’re going to Piedmont. NOW!” And Stan slapped on his beanie and stormed out of the cabin of the ship with a slam of the door.
Ford picked up his phone, which had been lying face-down on the table, and once he was caught up on messages, he matched his twin’s anger and made sure his ray gun was in his blue hoodie as he left.
~~~~~~~~~~
Mabel sat in her chair with her arms crossed over her chest, letting Mr. Williams go on his tangent. According to the school nurse, she had broken Jeremy’s nose. Good. That’s what he gets for touching her. But apparently Mr. Williams disagreed, saying things like how her actions were unlawful and that she had no right to punch another student.
“Under no circumstances should you ever punch a fellow student, Ms. Mabel.” Mr. Williams said firmly.
“But he was touching me!” Mabel quickly injected, in some effort to defend herself. “He was pulling on my bra strap and smacking me with it! And I told him to stop, but he wouldn’t leave me alone.”
Mr. Williams snorted as he reached into his desk. “Well maybe next time you won’t wear such revealing clothes? How else are people supposed to pay attention to the lesson?”
Mabel felt her heart drop. She looked back down at her sweater, her purposely baggy yellow sweater that she had knitted herself a few months ago. This sweater - in fact, none of her sweaters - had ever been a problem before. Mabel plucked at her top and said in a quiet, timid voice, “But I made this.”
Mr. Williams glanced up from what he was writing for a second, before mumbling bitterly with his cold eyes on his paper, “Let the professionals make your clothes, okay? If you don’t want to find yourself in trouble then try wearing suitable clothing.”
Mabel felt her entire face turn red. She was so angry and so hurt and she saw no possible way out of this, so she decided to bite her lip and hide the lower-half of her face in her sweater, shrinking in her seat and lifting her yellow sweater up a bit.
“Now, I am giving you three weeks of detention.” Mr. Williams said. “Two for violence and invading a student’s personal bubble, and one for breaking dress…”
The door opened sharply. Mabel turned and her jaw was wide open to find her great-uncles at the foot of the office. At first she was jubilant to see them again, but then terrified to see them so angry. She had never seen them so mad. She knew they could be scary when they wanted to, but they had always seemed like soft old teddy bears to Mabel, what with their fluffy gray hair and warm hugs and squishy tummy-tums to snuggle against. Mabel was a little unhinged to find their faces darkened with anger. She could see a vein popping out of Stan’s forehead. Ford appeared to try to be collected, but his aura was as black as an imploding star, matching his brother’s quite well.
Mabel stood on shaking knees. Her uncles softened, ignoring the cold look Mr. Williams was giving them, and Stan was at her in an instant, with Ford right behind him, rubbing her shoulders and looking over her. “Mabel, sweetie, are you okay? Did he hurt you? I swear to Moses if that…”
“I’m okay, Grunkle Stan, I promise.” Mabel soothed, trying to smile, but she was still really nervous. “I… Wow, it’s great to see you guys, I missed you, but why are you here?”
“Dipper contacted us.” Ford said softly. “Said you were in trouble. What exactly happened?”
“She pu-...”
“I didn’t ask you.” Ford growled at Mr. Williams. Mabel actually shivered. She was so used to hearing a smooth, warm, comforting voice come from him, that hearing it growl like an animal like that startled her. “I am talking to my niece.” His eyes moved back on Mabel and he was instantly much warmer and not as scary. “What happened, pumpkin?”
“I was in Economics when this boy, Jeremy, was plucking at my bra strap.”
“Please show us exactly what he did.”
“Does it matter?!” Stan snapped. “He touched her!”
“Stanley, please,” Ford gave him a firm look, then returned his attention back to their girl. “Humor me.”
Mabel nodded in agreement. She had pulled her sweater down so it had covered both shoulders and sagged a bit on her chest. Now she moved it so her left shoulder was completely exposed, and she pinched at her strap. “It started like this,” She barely lifted it up, having little effect or sound. “But then after I told him to stop, he did this.” And Mabel pulled back far enough that when she let go it made a harsh slapping sound against her skin.
“Wait a minute,” Stan had caught a glimpse of it the moment she lowered her sweater. He gently turned her to look at the back of her shoulder, and he saw red. Literally. Her skin was reddening from the aggression. Not enough to swell or require ice, but enough to indicate just how invading and violent the action had been.
Stan was growling in his throat. He squeezed Mabel’s forearms reassuringly and said, “We’ll handle this, pumpkin.”
“Gentlemen,” Mr. Williams said firmly, still acting professional and snobbish. “Your niece here has violated several school rules and even went as far as to break a student’s nose.”
“You did?” Stan asked and patted her back. “That’s my girl!”
Mr. William’s nostrils flared. “Gentlemen, that is not what we should be teaching young…”
“While breaking cartilage is unfortunate, sir,” Ford said coldly, stepping forward, “It’s abundantly clear that she was only defending herself. Not only did the boy have no right to touch her, in any sense, in any manner, she was even gracious enough to give a verbal warning before she acted as she had to to get the boy to stop.”
Mr. Williams crossed his arms over his chest and snarled, “Well maybe if she hadn’t dressed in such a distracting way Mr…”
“Oh HELL NO!” Stan marched forward and slammed his fists down on the desk so hard he actually left cracks in the wood from the impact. “YOU’RE NOT PLAYING THAT GAME, ASSHOLE! NOT ON MY FUCKING WATCH!”
Ford made no attempt to silence his twin. In fact, he was smiling cunningly, like a policeman letting his dog go after the target. He gently walked Mabel to the door and ushered her outside. “Why don’t you wait outside, my dear? Dipper is waiting for you with a snack and some water to calm your nerves, you look a little shaken.” He said quietly.
Mabel dipped her head and smiled, unable to find the words, but Ford understood and closed the door after her.
Dipper was, in fact, there with a package of peanuts and bottled water in his hands for her. They sat in the cool office, listening to the conversation. While exact words were muffled by the walls and door, it sounded like Stan and Ford both were yelling and cursing at the principal. While Dipper and Mabel probably should have been more nervous, they weren’t; they were calm and they both knew that everything would be okay.
About half an hour later, just when the old men’s throats were getting a little sore, they left, leaving Mr. Williams to try to kill a small fire on his desk. Stan swiftly pocketed his lighter and smiled warmly at his kids. “Let’s ditch this hellhole.”
~~~~~~~~~~
Mabel was sipping some hot chocolate with extra marshmallows while Dipper was in the shower and her uncles elsewhere on the boat. She rubbed her shoulder with her free hand, elbows on the table, as she thought about the day. While she was grateful to not be in trouble and that the whole situation was over, it didn’t feel over. At least, the feelings it gave her hadn’t gone away.
The door opened and she smiled to see her favorite uncles coming inside. “Hey there, pumpkin.” Stan greeted warmly, but grew a little concerned. “You okay?”
Mabel blinked and tried to make a more convincing smile. “Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?”
“That principal rattled you pretty good.” Stan pulled out a chair and sat next to her, rubbing her back. “C’mon, what’s on your mind?”
Mabel looked down at her hot drink, sighed, unsure of how to properly express her emotions, but managed to settle with, “It wasn’t fair.”
“No, it wasn’t.” Ford said firmly and stood on her other side. She looked up at him and the old scientist said, “What happened to you was completely unfair and should never be tolerated.”
Mabel nodded in agreement. “It’s just that… not only should Jeremy not have touched me, but you’d think people would have my back for defending myself, but… they made it seem like it was my fault…”
“Mabel Pines,” Stan moved his hand to her shoulder and squeezed gently. “That was not your fault. You did nothing wrong. You dress how you want and punch any guy that touches you if you don’t wanna be touched, and don’t let anyone tell you you should act differently.”
Mabel smiled weakly and nodded. “Okay.”
Stan chuckled and ruffled her hair. “That’s my girl.”
“Now hold one minute, Stanley.” Ford teased and wrapped Mabel up in a one-armed hug, making her giggle and hug him around his waist. “You were always terrible at sharing. She’s my girl, too.”
Stan smeared playfully and tickled Mabel’s ribs to loosen her grasp on Ford, pulling her into a big bear hug as she laughed. “Nu, uh. My girl.”
Mabel rolled her eyes as the twins only kept up the charade for another minute, filled to the brim with appreciation and power.
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dangermousie · 4 years ago
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2020 End of Year Post - kdrama edition
You can find my 2020 cdrama post here: dangermousie.tumblr.com/post/638449659546845184/2020-end-of-year-post-cdrama-edition
This is only going to cover kdramas that aired in 2020; if it originally aired another year, it’s not on this list.
It’s been a pretty lackluster kdrama year. There are probably only 5 kdramas I truly loved and only three of them I was really obsessed over. Better luck in 2021!
DRAMAS WATCHED
(In order of liking from least to most as opposed to pure quality; I am including if I’ve seen enough to make up my mind; yes I realize that’s inaccurate, but that’s my list)
42 Born Again - so bad, so incoherent, so insane, I have no idea why the leads signed up for it (and unlike some of the other watchers, I think it was awful from the very start.) There is literally nothing about this drama that makes sense.
41 Love with Flaws - a bunch of people who should be tried under the Geneva Convention.
40 Sweet Munchies - Jung Il Woo proves his inability to pick a functional script.
39 Meow the Secret Boy - if you ever wanted to bang a cat, this drama is for you. Not being a furry, however...
38 Do Do Sol Sol La Sol - I lost braincells just typing out this title.
37 When I Was the Most Beautiful - the only way it’s not the dumbest, most pointless melo of 2020 is because Born Again considerately came out the same year.
36 Woman of 9.9 Billion - if you want to watch an artsy French movie about miserable people, but only badly made, boy do I have a drama for you.
35 Lies after Lies - screams after screams.
34 Backstreet Rookie - people were up in arms about various problematic plots. I am a survivor of many plots much more problematic but even I couldn’t survive how utterly boring and annoying this drama was and how utterly irritating the leads were. This has taken Ji Chang Wook off my top favorites into “should I even check his latest Lovestruck in the City? Probably not” territory almost single-handedly (Melt Me helped, to be fair.)
33 Men Are Men - boring is boring.
32 Dinner Mate - two beautiful boring people eat out a lot.
31 Was It Love - no it wasn’t.
30 Alice - Joo Won in the shower can make up for a multitude of sins but not plot nonsense of such magnitude. When you find yourself thinking it would be better if he hooked up with the alternate universe version of his mother because at least then something entertaining would happen, you know it’s bad.
29 More than Friends - started out OK, then made me hate basically everyone and kept going.
28 Start-Up - honestly, it’s probably more decent than its place here, but the toxic and batshit fandom for it (the worst this year) made me feel like breaking out in hives any time it’s even mentioned.
27 The Spies who Loved Me - how to take a good cast and waste it.
26 Private Lives - it was good but it never took off with its concept and spent more time on the incoherent plot than the OTP which was its one strength. It’s a decent drama but coming after Heartless City and My Beautiful Bride from the same writer, it’s a disappointment.
25 Record of Youth - as high as it is due to Park Bo Gum hard carrying this entire awful drama on his shoulders and doing it so well I finished it. Alas, while he is in one drama (and that drama is great), the rest of the characters and the entirety of the script are a pointless useless mess.
24 Do You Like Brahms - excellent first third, mediocre middle, and terrible last third. I don’t know what musical term applies to this? Diminuendo, I think.
23 I’ll Go to You When the Weather is Nice - nice and mellow but nothing much happens.
22 Forest - mainly for Park Hae Jin’s excellent and frequently naked bod.
21 The Ballot - I didn’t love it as much as everyone did but it was well-made.
20 Hyena - more romance and less weird law stuff would make it better.
19 365 Repeat the Year - surprisingly solid.
18 The Game Towards Zero - see 365.
17 When My Love Blooms - very old fashioned, very lovely.
16 Chocolate - also very old fashioned and very lovely but also with Yoon Kye Sang performing medical procedures bleeding and shirtless. MMM.
15 (tie) Secret Royal Inspector - a fun if run of the mill sageuk.
15 Find Me In Your Memory - best melo this year.
14 Mystic Pop Up Bar - surprisingly good even though I wasn’t planning to check it out.
13 Where Your Eyes Linger - came out of nowhere but was tender and hopeful and lovely.
12 Itaewon Class - Park Seo Joon hard carries a drama that is already excellent. Love it.
11 Psychopath Diary - Yoon Shi Yoon is such a treat in a hilarious, cynical, dark comedy.
10 Kairos - more like ouroboros.
9 Queen Love and War - in a year where sageuks are very rare, this was solid and surprisingly moving and shippy.
8 The King Eternal Monarch - people didn’t like it but I did. It’s no masterpiece and both the leads and the writers have better dramas, but it was a lovely romantic fairy tale for me.
7 Mr. Queen - sharp, hilarious, and some of my favorite actors.
6 Psycho But It’s OK - healing, sharp cinematography and even sharper chemistry.
5 Crash Landing on You - the last ep pissed me off so much this drama is dead to me but I loved it so much until then I can’t place it lower in good conscience.
4 Train - who knew I would go this hard for an OCN drama or that OCN would do romance so well? But this time-travel mystery romance is just incredible and I shipped the OTP and rooted for the characters and loved every last bit of it.
3 Run On - this is the drama Record of Youth wanted to be but failed. Smart and lived in, you feel like you are peeking at real people, but also even four episodes in, I am so invested in the main characters separately and together, and care for them so much, it’s a little frightening.
1 (tie) Tale of the Nine Tailed - my perfect fantasy romance. I liked it better than Goblin, yeah I said it.
1 Flower of Evil - all the tropes I love in one incredible package. I would rewatch episodes waiting for new ones trying to puzzle the story and to stay withdrawal but it works just as well on rewatch. Lee Jun Ki brings his trademark tortured intensity and for once, both his leading lady and his script back him up and are worthy of that. It’s perfect.
FAVORITE DRAMA
It’s a tie between Tale of the Nine Tailed and Flower of Evil but if I had to pick just one, FoE, because it had me seriously obsessed and guessing about the protagonist and gave me the narrative tropes I love so much and an OTP that statisfied all my hurt/comfort kinks and then some.
WORST DRAMA
Born Again - honestly, this is so bonkers it almost becomes good but alas...
FAVORITE MALE CHARACTER
Do Hyun Soo/Baek Hee Sung, Flower of Evil - he is so messed up, so on edge, so traumatized. Yet capable of so much warmth and caring even as he himself doesn’t realize his humanity. FoE is basically a story of a man pushed and punished by the world for his entire life who, because of one woman, finds a safe place and peace and slowly comes to life without realizing it, and watching his desperation to keep this small bit of normalcy is so heartbreaking and exciting all at once. Plus, you start the drama thinking he’s a psychopathic serial killer and end it (if you are me) thinking he must be protected at all costs and if anyone even looks at him wrong they must suffer, and that’s quite a change!
FAVORITE FEMALE CHARACTER
Nam Ji Ah, Tale of the Nine Tailed - she is so funny and tough and smart and loving and amazing that I will totally buy that a literal demi-god will do anything and everything for her and love her for literal eternity.
NEEDS TO BE MURDERED
Dad in Record of Youth - yes in a year with serial killers and supernatural demons, I picked a normal character from a mediocre drama. It’s his everyday awfulness to his family that hits so hard and I am sad he never got his comeuppance.
FAVORITE SHIP
Ji Ah x Yeon - a fearless reporter and an immortal demi-god who’s been hoping for his human beloved to reincarnate. A really rare set-up where the OTP is equally ride or die, so compatible and completely BAMF. I got why he waited for her for that long and then fell in love with her all over again. Perfection.
Runner up: Flower of Evil - he is so messed up he literally does not believe he is capable of love or empathy, but he falls in love with her anyway and so utterly she permeates his entire life. She is tough as nails and only believes what she sees and is the sole person who believes in him against the world. She loves him but he needs her. She needs him but he loves her. They are amazing.
FAVORITE SECONDARY OTP
Seo Dan x Gu Seung Jun, Crash Landing on You, North Korean x Conman were so good I shipped them harder than the main OTP and the end of that storyline pissed me off so much I dumped the drama and didn’t finish it for months (and it’s still dead to me.)
NOTP
Record of Youth - it started out and they didn’t have much chemistry but the dialogues were interesting and I thought the chemistry would grow. It didn’t and deteriorated, their dialogues became boring and relationship had zero development (about as much as the supposed female lead.) I think we were supposed to feel bad they broke up and they were going for a bittersweet open ending, instead I found myself happy about the break up of two incompatible, chemistry-less people and hoping for the love of God they never get back together.
FAVORITE SCENE
Yeon and the bridge of knives, Tale of the Nine Tailed - Yeon choosing to undergo the creeptastic bridge of knives for a chance to save Ji Ah, who at that point he is not aware is the reincarnation of his Joseon love because, as he says, he doesn’t care if she is or isn’t, it just would be more horrible to have her die than to undergo the horrific torture he is undergoing, and then the sequence with his catching her, her weeping over him and the fact that she is the original Joseon girl revealed and all the bandaging and his watching her sleep and all that loveliness, is everything for yours truly.
Runner up: Hyun Soo having that break-down at the cliff at the end of ep 15 of Flower of Evil as Ji Won desperately tries to convince him she is alive and he finally stumbles to her.
Runner runner up (it’s my list, I will do what I want): Do Won preparing to blow his brains out to give a chance to Seo Kyung to live in Train.
BIGGEST CRUSH
Seon-Gyeom, Run On. Yeah, I know. Im Siwan is tiny, delicate featured and has a runner’s build, none of which are things that normally appeal to me. But his character is so odd, so honest, so unflinching in pursuing what he thinks is right, so incapable of self-pity despite plenty of reasons for it, and so ridiculously attractive when he smiles, I don’t even care.
BEST SCENE STEALER CHARACTER
Kim Bum, TotNT - I started out being annoyed by him and ended up looking forward to his scenes and being distraught by his ending.
NEEDS A SEQUEL
Honestly, none. I was fine with all the endings. I wouldn’t mind seeing post-end life of Tale of the Nine Tailed characters or the OTP settling into their literal new world in Train, but I am good.
TROPE THAT NEEDS TO DIE
Time jump that solves all the problems off screen or alternatively years pass and everyone is frozen - something that kdramas need to learn and need to learn badly. See Record of Youth, Brahms and Start Up.
FAVORITE TROPE WE’VE SEEN A LOT OF
Men who are ride or die for their OTP - this was a great year for this - the male leads of four of my five dramas were beyond anything on that scale (only exception is Run On because it’s still too early to tell there.) Yes PLEASE.
BIGGEST DISAPPOINTMENT
This was a banner year for that what with Start Up, Do You Like Brahms, Record of Youth, and Private Lives all starting out well and nosediving off the cliff but winner is Crash Landing on You. I loved it so much for bulk of its run but the last episode pissed me off so much I deleted all my files and called it a day.
BIGGEST GOOD SURPRISE
Flower of Evil - I had no expectations of this drama and wasn’t even planning on watching it despite liking both the lead actors because yet another “look at evil serial killer be evil” drama with no romance was not my thing. Luckily someone convinced me there might be some romance and I peeked curiously. Honestly, their promo campaign was the most misleading and dumbest thing ever.
Runner up Psycho but it’s OK - I have never liked Kim Soo Hyun in anything before and the drama premise seemed WTF but it was shockingly good and KSH totally blew me away.
Hardest Working Lead
Yoon Shi Yoon - he starred in two (!!!) dramas in 2020 playing three characters and not only were both these dramas awesome in a lackluster year, but if it wasn’t for the fact that I knew it was the same actor and the fact that the characters shared a face, I would have never believed that they were played by the same actor. So good!
2020 DRAMAS I HAVEN’T SEEN THAT I MOST WANT TO WATCH
None. Covid Year gave me PLENTY of time
BEST NON-2020 DRAMA I’VE WATCHED IN 2020
My Beautiful Bride and Deserving of the Name - I was obsessed with both of them and honestly, they were much better than the bulk of 2020 kdramas I watched.
MOST ANTICIPATED IN 2021
The Moon That Rises in the Day, Hong Chun Gi, Joseon Exorcist, Island,  Frightening Cohabitation, Snowdrop.
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