#literal toilet humor

[onceuponapuffin]

Fanatic Intervention Part 18!!!!!!

I haven't been able to write for a week and it made me all squirrely.

Alright so the vote was for a weird roadside attraction, and I got THE MOST AMAZING recommendation. Just as a reminder, I do take requests for this fic :) This particular attraction was suggested to me by @hummingbee-lievable and I mean, I just couldn't say no. You'll understand why when we get there.

Here are some links to the music mentioned, in case you haven't ever heard it and want to :)

Vivaldi's Four Seasons

Tchaikovsky's 1812 Overture

Let's do this.

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*************************************

Approximately 8 hours.

That’s how long you’d been driving for.

Aside from a couple bathroom breaks, and a quick trip through a fast food drive through (Aziraphale complained until you managed to persuade him to try french fries and a chocolate shake – suddenly he became positively fascinated, much less whiny, and much more fun to be stuck in a car with), the five of you have basically been on the road non-stop. You’ve all run out of things to talk about, the playlist has been shuffled and reshuffled often enough that you’re becoming able to tell the difference between the different concertos and symphonies that Aziraphale added. The SUV, roomy as it is, is becoming stuffy, and frankly you’re starting to feel sore in places that are going to make the next 20 hours of this...difficult to say the least.

“Okay,” You say, breaking the silence, “Honestly, I get that we’re on a bit of a time crunch, but if we don’t stop for a real break soon, I’m gonna lose my mind.”

“What,” snorts Crowley from the driver’s seat, “You mean you’ve had it this whole time? I am shocked.”

You stick your tongue out at him, and lean over into Sardis’ space to make sure Crowley can see it in the rearview mirror.

“Now, now,” Aziraphale says soothingly – he doesn’t fool you, you can see him smirking, “I’m very certain we can find a suitable place to rest for an hour. Some fresh air would probably do us all some good.”

Oh, so he’s getting restless too. Good to know you have Aziraphale on your side with this one. Sardis is already tapping around on his phone, and you glance over to see him googling the area. Thank someone. Anathema has her nose in a book, but gives a thumbs up to show that she agrees with the idea. So it’s basically unanimous. Sardis very quietly taps you and discreetly shows you his phone screen. You look over, figuring he must have found something and….oh.

OH BOY DID HE EVER.

It takes actual work to play it cool. If you don’t do this very carefully, you won’t get to see this glory in person. You nod at Sardis, who winks in return. The plan is set.

“I’ve found an art museum nearby,” he says. You can see Aziraphale’s face light up.

“Oh! That sounds lovely! Perhaps they have a cafe!”

“And maybe a gift shop!” You add hopefully. Best to sell this hard.

Crowley sighs. “Yeah fine, whatever. Just give me directions, would you?”

“Sure thing,” Sardis replies.

To cover your bases, you take you phone, and turn on Vivaldi’s Four Seasons. Aziraphale, utterly delighted by the turn of events, begins humming and conducting the non-existent orchestra. He loses himself to the music relatively quickly. Between that, Anathema in her book, and Sardis feeding Crowley directions one at a time, you’re off to the races.

As you get closer, you start to see signs advertising it. Crowley snorts once or twice, but doesn’t seem any the wiser as Sardis directs him. It isn’t until you pull into The Truck Yard that you can see his eyebrow raising in the mirror. And it isn’t until Sardis instructs him to park in front of the building that it seems to click. Aziraphale doesn’t notice until you turn off the music.

“We’re here!” You sing triumphantly.

“Are you serious?” Crowley asks.

“Oh most definitely,” You reply. Then the demon starts to laugh, and kicks open the door with a snort.

“Right, okay, come on then!”

Aziraphale hasn’t moved.

“Perhaps I’ll stay here,” he says.

“NOPE!” Crowley calls, crouching to look at Aziraphale through the driver’s door, “You wanted an art museum, angel, you’ve got one!”

Aziraphale groans and gets out of the car. He leans heavily upon the door as he closes it. “Yes,” he said, “But I hardly think this counts as art!”

“Think of it as modern art, angel!”

“...All the more reason for me to stick to the traditional sort.”

“As long as it doesn’t stick to the bottom of your shoe, am I right?” You say, because you just have to join in. Sardis laughs and Crowley snorts, and the three of you lead the way into Barney Smith’s Toilet Seat Art Museum. Aziraphale and Anathema follow behind, pretending not to know you. You spin around and walk backwards so that you can watch the two of them as they approach the door of the building, which features Roman-style pillars built out of toilets. Aziraphale glances at them with a sigh, but Anathema raises and eyebrow and goes in for a closer look.

“Huh,” she says, clearly impressed, “Actually, that’s really clever.”

“Ugh,” says Aziraphale, clearly unimpressed, “Vulgar is what it is.”

You enter the building, and find floor-to-ceiling toilet seats. They cover every inch of wall, an absolute punch to the eyes, and yes, it is beautiful. It is glorious. You let out a low whistle.

“Look at you,” You recite, because any opportunity to quote the show is one that should be taken, “You’re gorgeous.” You notice both Aziraphale and Crowley glance in your direction briefly, but you don’t elaborate, so they both look away while you take the opportunity to notice the tiniest of blushes between them. Ha. Softies, the both of them.

“It really is,” Sardis replies, oblivious, “I’d call it downright glorious.”

You look up, and then run back over to nudge Aziraphale. “Hey, Aziraphale, look at that!” You point upwards. “There’s some more traditional art for you!”

He follows your gaze, but is, as you predicted, still disgruntled. “Is that...Michelangelo??” Painted upon the high ceiling is a recreation of Michelangelo’s painting The Creation of Adam. However, this particular adaptation features a closeup of the hands – with God handing Adam a roll of toilet paper.

You hear Crowley snort. He comes over to you and Aziraphale just so he can say to you “Most useful she’s ever been, eh?”

“CROWLEY!” Aziraphale exclaims in disgust.

“Demon,” he replies with a smirk, and saunters away. With a giggle, you follow him to where Sardis is standing.

“Hey, Witch!” Sardis calls, “Here’s one for you! It’s all about Astrology!” He looks over his shoulder, and you follow his gaze to where Anathema has started looking at the seats with curiosity.

“I’ll be there in a minute!” she responds. You see her lean in for a closer inspection of the piece in front of her.

“You are really good at this road trip stuff,” You say as you turn back to Sardis. “Did you spend a lot of time on the road with your siblings?”

“Nah, but there were a few dinners where someone had to calm things down.”

“I can imagine.” You go quiet for a while before something occurs to you. “You know, you barely know us, and you’re a lot more...open about things that I would expect, well, anyone really, to be.”

Sardis shrugs. “Well who am I going to share with? Philly was the only one I still talked to.”

You think about your first impressions of Sardis. Someone who likes to play games, someone who takes things half-seriously, but would probably monologue if you let him. Oh. He’s lonely.

“I want to trust you Sardis,” You say after a minute, “I just...I’ve been disappointed by enough people in the past that I’m still trying to decide if I can.”

He nods. “No hard feelings, Moth. Trust is a hard thing, and it takes time. So by all means take yours. Just do me a favour and put up with me in the meantime, eh? I haven’t met many humans willing to trick both an angel and a demon into visiting a toilet seat art museum with me.” He winks at you, and you can’t help but smile back.

“Oi!” Crowley announces, “Angel! Come look! This one’ll perk you up! It’s got sheet music on it*! Get it?? SHEET MUSIC!”

You and Sardis both burst out laughing, and you wander over to see this masterpiece. Anathema is coming too, and she’s also giggling even though you can tell she’s trying not to. Even Aziraphale has cracked a smile despite himself.

“Really, Crowley,” he says with a shake of his head. The angel sighs. “Right, let’s see then.” Aziraphale pulls his tiny glasses out of his pocket and puts them on his nose. Then he leans in to inspect the classical music that has been collaged onto the toilet seat, plastered beneath the title “Cannon Ball.” He hums to himself as he inspects the notes, and after a moment he starts to conduct to himself. Sardis has come and joined in, so now the full group is watching Aziraphale in anticipation – waiting for his verdict. After a minute or two, Aziraphale leans back, takes the glasses off, and polishes them with a cloth from his pocket. “It appears to be an excerpt from Tchaikovsky’s 1812 Overture. Specifically the bridge, which is famously known for including cannons as a musical instrument.” He glances up at you all sideways, the tiniest of Michael-Sheenian smirks upon his lips. “It is indeed, sheet music.”

No one is able to contain their laughter, not even Aziraphale.

By the time all of you head back to the car, everyone is in much better spirits. Aziraphale admits that it was a good idea to stop here after all, even if it still isn’t his idea of art. Overall, the car feels much lighter and happier than it had a few hours ago, so you bask in it. Even after the toilet jokes fade away, the mood stays. For the first time since New York, things feel light and the challenges ahead of you feel manageable.

Sometimes you just gotta stop and smell the toilet seat.

And no, I will not apologize for that line.

* My Dear Reader, I need to pull you away for a minute to quickly tell you that I have never been to this incredible museum, so I have no idea if this particular piece actually exists. But I had to, you understand. I just HAD to.

❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ 🖤

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[alleykatart]

I'd like to introduce you all to the Stoilet. It is a toilet installed facing and directly across from a staircase with no doors between the staircase and the kitchen. It is not only deeply unclean, it is also a safety hazard. I am now obsessed with the Stoilet.

[all-the-things-2020]

10-1 this is at a Taco Bell

[moomoocowmaid]

Use the bathroom by the three Ts: Tinkle, Toilet Paper, & the most important, Tumblr

[kissoflightning]

[latimeria-fell-from-heaven]

teleportation toilet go wheee

[cakiette]

“MISTAH PHONE HJELP MEH IM THROWING UP !!!111!!!!!1!”

[vernnillion]

i shit for too long

[yoinkschief]

I think Tyler, at the age of 7, would think that Boobies is a swear word for some odd reason

I feel like Tom laugh every time he hears him say it tho

[one-and-a-half-threat]

every so often im reminded that pretty much any source of media has a fandom/fanbase. and every so often my mind is blown. and every so often i remind myself that people finding joy in the same things that once brought me joy, even if it was years and years ago, is such a wonderful thing. and every so often i think that humans are amazing.

[endearingsalt]

“lol random” humor is a developmental stage, you dipshits. obviously the kids are still into it

[theafrochick]

Y'know I saw a post like years ago that boiled down to men hating on things women primarily enjoy feels misogynistic and I wrote it off but now here I sit and every time me and the transman in our group are talking about things we both enjoy the boys go 'im glad you two get along so you can talk about this weird shit with each other'. And it's like...glad you admit out loud you won't pretend to care about things we like when I pretend to care every time you talk about fucking gambling in CSGO or league of fucking legends.

Did I mention said weird shit was just engaging in media literacy and talking about what makes a good main character?

[dyns33]

Flufftober 2024 - 29 Eddie Brock / Venom

Y/N had met Vee during a Halloween party.

A little intimidated by the crowd and not knowing anyone, she had stayed in her corner for a good part of it, until this giant with his incredible costume came to talk to her.

It would be a lie to say that she had not found him adorably charming, and she would have liked them to be more than friends, if he had not spent most of the time talking to her about his Eddie.

It was obvious that there was something strong and unique between Vee and this Eddie, even if he did not seem to appreciate him at his true value.

"He never agrees with me… He wants to control everything !" he had sobbed against her shoulder. "He says that I won't even be good at cleaning toilets."

"That's not nice. Maybe this relationship is not very healthy."

"But I love Eddie. He takes care of me and even though he's a stupid loser, he tries a lot. Maybe… Maybe I'm too hard on him."

"It's normal to have expectations from your partner. You need to sit down and communicate, to see what's wrong and find solutions."

"You're right, little morsel ! You're a good friend !"

Obviously very busy, Vee kept in touch with her by calling her almost every night and sending her messages, but never having time to see her.

He used Eddie's phone, while he slept. Before meeting her, Vee had never seen the point of having one, and he contacted her secretly because he found it funny to have a secret all to himself.

"But I'll tell him at some point, because we share everything. We're in symbiosis, we're one."

"That's cute. Do you think he'll be angry ?"

"No. Scared maybe."

"Oh." she wondered. "Is he the jealous type ? He'll be afraid that I'll steal you from him ?"

"I'd rather be afraid that he'll steal you from me, I think he'll love you a lot. And that's why he'll be afraid for you. He'll think I want to eat your brain."

Sometimes she didn't understand everything he said, but she found him funny and considered that he simply had a particular sense of humor.

But after several months of talking to him, he finally ended up running into him while a guy was trying to take her purse in an alley.

Vee jumped from a rooftop, growled at the thief, grabbing him with one hand, before biting his head off. Then he turned to Y/N, smiling.

"Eddie, she's my friend."

"Y/N ?" a voice that seemed to come from inside him asked. "Great, Vee, she's not going to freak out at all because you just killed someone. I already told you to go get some chickens if you were hungry."

"You never let me do anything ! He was mean ! He was attacking my Y/N !"

"Let me talk to her, okay ? So I don't traumatize her more than necessary."

In the end, Venom was an alien, and Eddie his host, a man not as horrible as she had imagined, simply trying to keep his symbiote from doing too much mischief so that they wouldn't be spotted by the government.

They fought often but they couldn't live without each other. Literally for Venom, even if they also loved each other too much to want to be apart.

As he had expected, the human had panicked a bit when he learned that he had a friend, that she didn't really know what he was, and that they were therefore putting her in danger just by talking to her. But Eddie had understood that she was important. He had felt it.

When Vee said that they shared everything, he was dead serious.

"I showed him a picture of you. He got an erection."

"Vee !" Eddie shouted, trying to silence the head floating next to his shoulder. "Shut up ! Those are not things to say ! Excuse him."

"Why ? I like Y/N, and you like her too, and she likes us. Her pheromones don't lie."

"Vee ! You're making everyone uncomfortable, stop."

"See ? He never agrees, he controls everything."

Y/N saw clearly, now understanding many things that had seemed a bit strange to her. She could have run away, but despite this surprising discovery, she really liked Vee, and Eddie seemed as charming as he was.

So she suggested that they spend the next Halloween, all together this time.

[checkoutmybookshelf]

I mean...this combination of depth and toilet humor is literally Shakespearean, so A+ for Eoin Colfer.

[enpr-ss]

THE TAGS LOL:

#tumblr sexyman everyone

#obsessed with reigen throwing down with a man so mob could go pee safely

#LET THE MAN SHIT

#reigen fights someone so mob can go to the toilet#reigen is also arrested for shitting

#hey. hey ONE. hey what the fuck is this

#no one can write humour the way ONE does. ive never seen anything like it and it speaks to my soul but also smacks my soul unconscious#just think about it. the past month was full of reigen memes.. reigen being sexy reigen drawn making out with all these random characters#reigen acknowledged as a sexy motherfucker by OFFICIAL MP100 TWITTERS and TOBY FOX.#theres no way ONE doesn’t know about this… he comes out here the same month and draws reigen shirtless#weeks later he draws a beautiful omake of reigen taking AN EXPLOSIVE SHIT in the womens washroom. and then forcing serizawa to piss with him

#seri’s ‘that’s a good story but not what I asked’

#how can someone be such a loser but also great at the same time

#This is your ultimate dilf -One won't let you forget that

#REIGEN SHIT OMAKE

#i really appreciate one making reigen as unfuckable as possible tbh

#dimple being horrified as even

#reigen ibs warrior confirmed

#I can't get over little mob getting so into defending reigen that he's got a little psychic cloud going on#mob is getting so intense about telling them his shishou is a good person that pebbles are starting to fly around#I bet the cops let reigen go because they were intimidated#not because of mob's actual speech

#thanks one. for whatever the hell this is.

#THE CALCULATIONS HE WAS DOING

#dear god

#and mob is so dramatic too ''i had to save shishou after he sacrificed himself by letting me go to the toilet first''

#serizawa heard a story about reigen shitting himself and still fell in love with him#absolute legend

#a family that pisses together stays together 💖

#ONE doing his best to undo BONES horniness for reigen

#how do you have the courage to say don't let your balls shake with a straight face

#also love that he's forcing his employees to pee together with him best boss ever

Mob Psycho 100 NEW Omake (2022/10/05) - ENG

The new omake posted by ONE (aka ‘Reigen shits himself’) on 2022/10/05 in celebration of the new season beginning broadcast is now translated & typeset - the latter done by @BigHatFan500 over on Twitter.

Full comic below:

[sodavizz]

can i req daisuke x reader who is daisuke reskinned ... like they are the same person different bodies . god got lazy so he copy and pasted daisuke kinda . fluff preferred , gn or fem reader pls ^_^

Hope this suits ur tastes T^T

°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･°❀⋆.ೃ

Great minds think alike!

--

Paring: Daisuke x GN! Reader

Warnings: My headcanons again!!

Wc: 100+ somethin

--

You and Daisuke are literally two sides of the same coin. Everything he gets excited about, you’re right there with him, equally hyped. It’s not even a conscious thing; your energy just matches up perfectly,

Your personalities sync so well that when one of you starts a sentence, the other finishes it. You’ll often find yourselves speaking in perfect harmony, whether it’s making a joke, finishing a crew member’s thoughts, or simply solving a problem. It’s like a perfect partnership, and everyone around you is both amazed and a little bewildered by how easily you two work together. (Example bc I'm silly :3 ; "Skibidi-" You say. "Toilet!" He says happily.)

Since you two practically share the same brain, you of course have the same odd tastes, amount of braincells, and youngin' typa humor, which Swansea would like to call it. Like you guys would be in the corner, just giggling to one another as you draw the most ugliest portraits of each Tulpar member and he'd just be giving the most meanest, most impeccable side glance to you guys and would probably huff to himself; "Damn kids these days..."

Since you two are essentially the same person in different bodies, there’s no real need for personal space when it comes to sharing experiences. You’ll often find yourselves standing way too close to each other, excitedly chatting, and you don’t mind in the slightest though!

Conversations with Daisuke are always an adventure, but with you? It’s a comedy show. You’ve both got that same quirky sense of humor, so you end up riffing off each other all day long. One minute you’re telling a story about a malfunctioning piece of equipment, and the next minute, you’re cracking jokes and turning the whole thing into a hilarious reenactment. No one can keep a straight face around the two of you—it’s a full-on comedy duo in motion.

Neither of you is exactly known for being graceful. In fact, between the two of you, there's a lot of tripping over things, knocking over cups, and running into doorframes. But you both laugh it off, usually with a look that says, "Well, of course we did that—what did we expect?" When one of you trips, the other usually comes to the rescue, offering a hand with a smile, like it's all part of the fun.

On days when the space shuttle feels particularly small or the work is extra exhausting, you’ll both end up curled up on the couch together, just taking a break before heading off to do their job. It’s not anything special—just you two, cozy, talking about nothing and everything at the same time. Daisuke might ramble about a new idea for a ship upgrade, but you both always end up in fits of giggles, tired but happy, content in the quiet companionship.