#literal abuse apologism and denial of peoples trauma

[proudfreakmetarusonikku]

I think I should be allowed to tell people to kill themselves

[livseses]

"But why are all these DID tiktokers AFAB?? Quite suspicious eh?"

Cw // CSA mention

So this is this recurrent thing we see about DID folk who are presumably AFAB. There's this discrediting attempt of DID because the shithead making the argument sees mostly AFAB folk talking about DID and finds it quite suspicious. It makes no sense to them. There's nothing at all that could explain this disparity between perceived sexes.

It bothers us a lot that this comes up. We've come across two things that draw a glaringly clear line that explains (in part of course) why there might just happen to be some connections there.

First, is something we see coming up when we get into arguments about system origins. Usually it's something we find is being misapplied because it's being used to invalidate systems that don't have those experiences, but it's never denied as a potential cause. In that list of "what causes DID" CSA is always listed as one of the potentials.

Second, idk how tf in 20-fucking-24 people don't know the fucking horrifying stats on CSA. A) It's entirely fucked how common it is and B) disproportionately happens to women. Stats vary but it's always 1 in <10 women will have been assaulted before 18. Recently we saw 82% of CSA cases are female survivors.

So, when we see skepticism around why DID is so disproportionately AFAB folk, we immediately hear denialism. Fuck I'm willing to go so far as to say it just flat out is rape/sexual assault denial and apologia.

Caveats and clarifications below the cut

AFAB, women, and female are fucking impossible to separate out in the stats. Hell, even the jumping to AFAB by the deniers is likely erroneous, cause I'd bet that they're running on perceptions and assumptions. Unless the systems they're talking about specifically stated that they are AFAB, there's literally no way to know their AGAB. My apologies if my wording of this post equivocates them.

DID is not exclusively caused by CSA. It's not exclusively caused by abuse. And while probably exceedingly rare, its not exclusively caused by trauma. And while CSA disproportionately happens to those perceived to be girls, those perceived to be boys (or non-binary kiddos for as much as that might be happening) are victims and survivors as well. Do not take this data here to deny people's experiences. If you somehow read this as "Only AFAB folk can be survivors of CSA and therefore have DID" you are being incredibly shitty and dangerous.

Lastly, this has come up a lot with tiktok. While the skepticism skeeves us out regardless, something we had experienced with systok was outright statements from various system creators, or heavy allusions to being survivors of CSA. Sure, our experience may have been biased by the algorithm in the same way that these asshats who think that there's too many DID folk on tiktok. But we can't help but think of those data points in the context of systok.

[temple-of-hermes]

I'm sorry this isn't a submission, but I felt a little nervous to submit this publicly. I don't really want people knowing who I am. I suggest tagging this ask with a TW for abuse mentions. I don't go into any explicit detail but still feel it best to provide this warning.

I grew up in an abusive household and continued to live in the same house for the next 21 years of my life. Some time last year, I cried to Lord Hermes and prayed that he please deliver me from this house. I asked to move away. I even asked specifically to move to Greece someday (which I still currently want to do). I begged for him to get me out of that house, out of the place where almost all of my trauma had taken place.

This year, I spontaneously was told we were moving, and it wasn't just a move a few cities away, we were going completely out of the state. It was a big move and would completely uproot our lives. At first, I took the news poorly. I was angry and even in denial. I desperately fought the change and tried to find ways to stay in my home state. However, I knew I had no choice in the end and relented. I started packing my things and reluctantly accepted the inevitable move.

If I'm being honest, I actually was kind of mad at Hermes for a bit of time. I know it sounds dumb, especially since I had literally asked for it, but it was difficult for me to come to terms with such a massive change. At the time the move was announced, I had also finally started building an actual life for myself in my home state. I was making friends, planning for college, and putting myself out there, so it was a little devastating to have all of those plans immediately turned on their heads. I was forced to go to a specific college now, I was forced to say goodbye to healthy and new friends I made, I was forced to see my home state for what feels like it will be the last time in my life. I was terrified, and I was bitter, even knowing I asked for it.

But when I finally arrived at the new house, I began feeling a little better. Slowly but surely, this heavy weight started lifting from my chest. I made new friends quickly, I felt more motivated to take care of myself, and I even started going outside more often. Even though the house is much smaller and I have to be around my father more physically, I began building more self-confidence, helping me set aside his presence more and focus on myself. I had asked for Lord Hermes' help in adjusting to the change and apologized for feeling so bitter in the beginning, and despite my complex feelings about the move at the start, he lent me his assistance anyway. I am very grateful for his understanding and his willingness not to judge us humans for the feelings we have, even towards things we literally ask for.

I wanted to tell this story in order to share my experience and express that it's ok for us to have negative feelings about the actions our deities take or even the way a prayer is answered because at the end of the day, any change can be difficult, and I feel that deities understand that humans struggle with significant changes. Lord Hermes is especially patient and kind. I feel that he understands humans in a way that cannot be easily described. He's seen both the best and worst of us, yet he chooses to continue reaching out to us anyway. He chooses to continue forming close relationships and staying by our sides and helping us through the toughest transitions of our lives. I hope he'll be there with me in my final transition from life to death - the biggest change of them all.

Lord Hermes is a god of Change and Transition, I think, and of learning to accept both of those things. He is a wonderfully caring god, and to anyone on the fence about worshipping him or even just reaching out, I encourage to give it a chance. It's a decision you will be forever grateful to yourself for because once a friend, Hermes will always be a friend. ❤️

Thank you for sharing your story! /gen

[mycptsdrecovery]

To the person who sent this ask:

https://at.tumblr.com/mycptsdrecovery/hi-im-sorry-to-ask-this-really-because-it-feels/fepccd6vfm9e

So first off I want to apologize because this message is probably gonna fuck your shit up a little bit. But for me at least, clarity brought peace. I hope this helps you put the pieces together and can bring you some comfort to know that you are not alone, what happened to you was very real and incredibly traumatic, and that you are incredibly strong for living through that. You’re obviously very smart and you’re asking the right questions- keep it up.

I read your post and I know exactly what happened to you. You had a VCUG. I had it done too, multiple times when I was 3. It took me literally 20 fucking years to figure out what that was and what happened to me. When I read the Wikipedia page, it was like I got hit in the head with a brick so brace yourself before you look it up. The procedure has literally every characteristic of a sexual assault, and I have lifelong sexual trauma from it. It’s used as a tool in research for studying memory related to CSA, because ofc you can’t abuse children to get data- but the VCUG is “medically necessary.” I think it’s almost worse in a way because it’s more like a gang rape WHILE YOUR PARENT IS WATCHING, and you’re not even seen has an object of attraction- it’s dehumanizing, and the denial of autonomy over your own body has serious, long term effects. It set me up for a lifetime of other sexual trauma- by the time I was 6 I was already showing hypersexual behavior. I never learned how to set any boundaries. Period. If you learn as a child that you don’t even have privacy *in the bathroom by yourself*, layered with the confusion and embarrassment of the experience (I was being potty trained, and then all of a sudden I’m in a radiology room and my mom is telling me I have to pee on this table in front of all these people??) seriously fucked me up, at least.

I spent literally my entire life not knowing why I was so fucked up, not knowing why I was so deeply traumatized when nothing (that I knew of) happened to me. It’s agony, and I blamed myself and lost myself in addiction and anorexia. Funnily enough, Ive always gravitated towards people who had serious childhood trauma. I’d hear their stories, and understand the feelings, but I never had a “story” of my own. It made me feel like an imposter, because it wasn’t like I got raped by a family member or something more “textbook”. Nobody talks about VCUG trauma even though thousands of kids go through this every year. It’s a faceless trauma, there’s nobody to blame (which makes it even more difficult to cope with imo)

There’s like one (1) support group on Reddit with 70 members, which is the largest to my knowledge. I was thinking of maybe starting a blog because there’s a lot of older people on reddit (like 5-10 yrs older than me at least) and I think that growing up Online with that trauma and 24/7 access to violent adult content is a totally different experience. But all of the emotions they talk about are the same, I’ve always kinda felt like nobody could understand what it’s like to be in my head, but reading that subreddit made me realize that I’m not The Most Fucked Up Person Who Has Ever Lived. And I learned how the trauma has formed every facet of my personality. Like I’m an anxious control freak who feels no sense of ownership over my body- surely that has nothing to do with this foundational traumatic memory of being denied control over my most basic bodily functions, right? Much to think about lol

You’re not crazy, and what you went through is unfortunately very real. I’m assuming that you’re still a teenager or a very young adult so you may not have gotten a yeast infection since you were a kid, but I think that the white stuff/medicine you were describing was monistat for a yeast infection. It’s a suppository, so there’s a like plastic plunger you put this white egg on, and then you put it in your vagina and push it up to your cervix, and the medicine leaks out over the course of a couple days. So it doesn’t surprise me at all that you would remember that, someone put a foreign object inside of you that was itchy and gross.

And for the record, your parents are *Very* Bad At Boundaries!!! If they can’t be the adults and set healthy boundaries, you have to. Its perfectly okay to say “I don’t want to talk about that” or “you’re making me uncomfortable, please stop touching me”. You didn’t have a voice when you were a kid, but you have one now. Trust me, I know it’s fucking scary and feels impossible- but do it once, and you’ll be hooked on the feeling forever.

I figured everything out last year (I’m about to turn 24), and I’ve been in therapy which has been super helpful. For me at least, EMDR has really been great for reprocessing those memories, and so has hypnotherapy exercises for being able to get into my subconscious. If you’re gonna look for one, you need a trauma specialist. Don’t fuck around with like a school counselor who mainly does “I’m depressed sometimes” therapy. If you’re anything like me, you need Serious Help.

I love you internet stranger- everything’s gonna be okay. You’re not alone, and it is possible to heal ❤️ I hope this brings you some peace

.

[many-but-one]

Hey, so definitely don't go into more details than you feel comfortable with but if you can, could you elaborate on systems forming pseudomemories because they researched programming? Like developing completely false memories of programming when they aren't, or?

Hey constellation!

To be completely honest, I don’t know how well I could do that because I’m in heavy denial for the memories I currently have. I often try to tell myself they’re not real/they are pseudomemories so that I can like…feel better, I guess. Lol. Iykyk.

The reason I said that is because of what I read when I looked into RAMCOA, including alllllll of the warnings that were given to me from other victims of RAMCOA and ignored them like a dumbass and researched anyway.

They told me it was super common for non-RAMCOA systems to get pseudomemories. I honestly don’t remember how they explained it, I apologize. Something along the lines of “if you hear about a trauma situation that vaguely seems like it could make sense you may jump to conclusions” sort of thing. Gonna do like a really basic example here:

If you have a phobia of spiders (common in anyone really) but you read about a trauma scenario involving torture with spiders you might be like “Oh GOD! I have a spider phobia! I must have spider related trauma!” And anyone can be good at running with an idea and overthinking and imagining all these horrible scenarios.

HOWEVER

This is not always the case. If you feel you have genuine programming or memories regarding them it’s probably best to NOT fuck around and find out and find a specialist that can treat that because if you poke the bear it can get hella messy. It’s better to be safe than sorry. It’s better to realize they are pseudomemories later than assume they’re pseudomemories and dig deeper to figure out the “real memory” and realize that IS the real memory and massively destabilize the system.

However! (x2)

I stand by my original reply to that one person that if you haven’t already looked into RAMCOA, Don’t. You will not find good things. Whether you have progs or not. It’s not a fun thing to read about.

TW on this next part for what progging would be used for, NOT detailed at all, just be aware that I will be talking briefly about CSA/MC/suicide related things.

Wanna add that not all programming is done the same. I sorta brushed past that in that last reply, but I wanna make it more clear: not all programmers are super skilled or have done it a lot to make a fully programmed system. This sort of thing takes massive amounts of work. YEARS of work. And the stuff that happens is usually massively fucked up. I can only imagine some people not involved in a literal organized cult who specializes in this stuff who try will give up for some reason or another, or may not do it “well enough” or may modify things they’ve learned from other proggers to fit their own needs. Programming/mind control is usually done to fit the abusers/proggers needs, which means one’s programming could be at the level of like “Monarch Program” shit or like, more simple MC/progging for sex-related tasks or compliance or suicide programs for protection of the abusers.

Hope that answers your question. DMs are open, I’m absolutely okay to talk about this stuff carefully.

-Dorian

[menalez]

i feel so bad for you with the callouts about you faking being a lesbian bc of posts you made when you were a young teen

i just found writing from when iw was 12 of me pretending to like men and it hurts so much and its so fucking stupid it was kind of like your old posts at least it was completely private

the way it was written was like me trying to force myself to feel those ways and i even remember researching like most attractive man ever to try and find a guy to act like i was attracted to all while looking at them and feeling nothing at all... and id search for like hours trying to find a boy that i felt anyting for to pretend to wajt as a boyfriend.... i never even found one! my friend told me maybe i was 'aesthetically gay'when i was like "soo im totally straight but i do not find any men attractive at all"

i just have no idea how i didnt realize earlier i wasnt attracted to men with all that bfjdmfjd

i feel u 😭 the wildest part is that post was made to paint a certain image. there’s no emphasis on the posts being primarily from 2013-2014. nothing highlighting the fact that i was literally like 14-16 in ALL of the posts (and that the person who was calling me out is calling 15 year old me a whore / slut for what r obviously jokes. if i as a 15 year old managed to have sex 500 times with 420 men while in an long distance “relationship”… wouldn’t that be indicative of something rly insidious? like they’re obviously not legitimate numbers & were me exaggerating ridiculously bc i didn’t want to answer such questions. i didn’t know if my rapist / rape counted. i was dissociated through a lot of it). the wildest part is she intentionally ignored all the posts highlighting what ive been saying: i was literally on substances a lot of the time when in that guy’s vicinity. i considered him a friend and didn’t want a relationship but then gave in after he kept insisting we were together & facing other pressure and he was giving me substances to get my guard down & be able to do things to me. i even made posts back then saying “idk if i like guys at all or if im into girls or if i like anyone” and talking about how i don’t understand attraction and don’t feel love. i talked about the guy making me cry all the time (& would then downplay it and act like i cry over everything) and there’s hints that i was attempting suicide and on sedatives the day our “relationship” started (which was the day he decided we were in a relationship. i repeatedly said i don’t want it) and drunk + had repeatedly tried to kill myself the day i lost my virginity (if that even counts. maybe the time i was raped is when i lost it? who knows.). and when asked why i won’t leave or when id defend him it’s almost always “he’s the only person who’s there for me” “im scared”… never “i love him” or “im attracted to him” or anything of the sort. i was baffled going thru the blog bc i didn’t realise there were so many hints that it was unwanted. etc etc etc. no wonder when i finally ended it and refused to back down (had to do it repeatedly for like 6 months) he immediately said “is it bc you’re a lesbian?” 😐.

also yeah sadly the only diff between me and the Real Lesbians trying to argue im lying about my sexuality is that their closeted shenanigans isnt available for everyone to look at and analyse and pick apart. their trauma isn’t there on display for people to call them liars and partake in abuse apologism with. but this whole thing has only confirmed to me that my truth remains my truth & my story. it was pretty upsetting seeing how i was somehow so aware of my lack of attraction to men but so in denial of it at the same time. and it made me realise that that whole portion of my life might’ve been even worse than i remembered. i remember the suicide attempts but i didn’t realise how often i was out of it.

ALSO anon that’s such a mood. i did a lot of the same stuff 💀

[strawberiitea]

What The Fuck Was That: A very spiteful attempt at analyzing "Meet the latest resurrected gentleman of L'manburg" because god is dead and I killed him

—

A lot of people like myself have been left very very confused by this recent stream.

Truth be told, watching it live was nerve wracking as fuck my dudes!

It felt like everything I thought I knew about this absolute bastard of a man who haunts my silly little analysist dreams was completely thrown out of the window in favor of either confusion, panic, rage, or somehow all of the above!

But never fear! After rewatching the vod a total of three times fueled with nothing but the burning rage and spite I have in my silly little Wilbur sympathizer heart – I now somewhat have my shit together!!

BASICALLY!

Today, I will be sitting down and trying to pick apart and analyze whatever the fuck that shitshow of a stream was for your absolute entertainment value.

So if you're still reading this god awful introduction and are ready to subject yourself to the horrid sights of Tea Using Her Brain™ —

Be my guest :)

—

This rage essay will consist of a total of four sections.

Our first point being,

1. Someone's a little TOO mentally ill

I think as a general consensus for not only this analysis, but for the entire stream itself – is that it's important to remember that Wilbur is still very very mentally ill.

And while he may not be nearly as self destructive or suicidal as he was back in Pogtopia –

Wilbur is still dealing with those effects.

Shit like extreme cases of paranoia, depression, self loathing, and the odd phenomenom of viewing your reality as a fucked up narrative designed to twist your suffering into a literary tragedy doesn't dissapear out of thin air!

Not only are those effects completely untreated – but he also has the added trauma of being stuck in a dingy death train station in complete and utter isolation devoid of any stimuli for a good 13 years of his life!

This Man Is Not Okay!

And despite how much he claims he's better and generally seems happier – It's pretty likely he's still riding the euphoria of being alive, and is possibly dependant on it.

Wilbur seems to be in somewhat of a state of denial – such as by pretending he's perfectly fine and dandy, creating yet another persona to hide from his crushing amount of baggage, avoiding confronting his issues and instead making apologies he himself doesn't fully understand, or, i dunno—

Baring second hand witness to the abuse and manipulation his younger brother went through by the hands of the man he now views as his hero, and dismissing it in favor for his ideals? perhaps choosing not to look into it?

Or is it the apathy and desensitization to not only his own – or his brother's – but everyone's trauma?

or maybe it's the refusal to see past his own theatrical ideology?

Say, remember how he said not to think too hard about things?

This newfound euphoria won't last forever! It's only a matter of time until Wilbur has that wonderful slap of reality where it all comes crashing down!!!!! :D

2. He's a mushy mother fucker

Moving onto our next point!

Now, you might be a bit confused by the title. Allow me to elaborate!

Essentially, Wilbur is straight out of Literal Hell, right? To paint a picture for you – imagine being stuck in your own personal limbo for 13 years in complete isolation and darkness, left with nothing but your own spiralling thoughts as company.

Sounds fucking lovely, I know.

Now, imagine you are suddenly pulled straight out of that limbo and back into the real world more than a decade later on your end, in a fucking blink of an eye. Needless to say, it must've been jarring as shit.

What I'm trying to say is —

Wilbur's still adjusting to Being Fucking Alive.

Not only that, but he's desperately trying to find any sort of direction in life – trying to get back on his feet seemingly as quickly as he can.

He's like the fucking equivalent of a baby giraffe trying to walk for the first time in life – only managing to consistently trip and stumble over like the utter fool he is.

And despite having a strict ideology – his thoughts and worldviews are still underveloped and have yet to inevitably change the more he adjusts to his new environment.

As of now, though? His mind is most likely just as fucked up and scrambled as it was on his final days.

His brain is just mfin scrambled eggs man.

3. Theatre kid morality: gone wrong

It's pretty apparent that Wilbur still holds a very very black and white mentality.

Comparing it to season 1, it was normal for the setting they were in! Everyone held those views, everyone played their roles of "good guy" and "bad guy"!

But comparing it to season 3? It's... tragically out of place.

Wilbur believes that true power is gained from violence. He recognizes the existence of meaningless decorative power, and he recognizes how broken and meaningless "government" on the server actually is – and yet, he is not self aware enough to realize that there are other forms of gaining power on the smp – such as charisma – and that his ideals are inherently flawed.

Not only is his moral compass incredibly skewed – but his entire perception of reality is.

To him, life is some sort of "Narrative" he and the people around him have to live up to. He views the world in fancy archetypes and literary titles – He is a villain, Dream is a hero, Eret is a traitor, Quackity is his rival. L'manburg is his unfinished symphony, he has to obey his Chekov's Gun, and he needs to tell a story.

It's not only his entire ideology, but it's also a coping mechanism.

Why accept that you're broken and in pain, when you can turn your anguish into a performance no one will ever forget?

4. Funky ass contradictions

Hoh boy, here's what you've all been waiting for.

Essentially, Wilbur's been constantly contradicting himself throughout the entire stream.

He's been making consistent contradicting statements all in the same confident tone, thus making it incredibly difficult to analyze and understand.

There's a lot of different opinions regarding his contradictions – ranging from bullshit like "manipulation" and the possibility that he was straight up lying.

Allow me to throw my own two cents in –

To put it simply, Wilbur is very conflicted as of now.

The biggest example of this is his conflicting feelings about Dream. Logically, Wilbur should and would hate Dream for what he did to Tommy during exile – even so far as to expressing wanting to disembowel him.

However, that hate towards clashes against how he views him. It's possible Wilbur could feel like he owes Dream some sort of gratitude. I mean, why wouldn't you be eternally grateful towards the person who saved you from your personal hell? Not only that, but while Wilbur may not necessarily like Dream – it's evident that he respects Dream.

Remember how I said Wilbur's headspace was equivalent to scrambled eggs? That heavily applies regarding his contradictions. If his thoughts are scrambled, his speech wouldn't be any better now, would it?

Revivedbur tends to think out loud. He says whatever is on his mind, generally has a bad brain to mouth filter, and has difficulty properly articulating himself and what he means, thus resulting in something completely different in what he says.

A big example of this is the comments regarding L'manburg;

“Tommy, I’ve made an oath of not lying now that I’m alive again. So I’m gonna come clean to you with the truth. Uh…one thing, I didn’t actually care about L’manburg, I just cared about – you know, sticking it to the man. Actually, I cared about L’manburg for the sole reason that I could use it to stick it to the man. You ever sticked it to the man, Tommy?”

While I wasn't able to find all of the transcriptions, I found the most important one.

Wilbur never cared about L'manburg? Absolute bullshit. Wilbur loved that nation with every fiber of his being! he cried for that nation! He bled for that nation!

Truth be told I had to think about this quote for days, despite having the answer all along.

Wilbur never cared about L'manburg's land, he cared about the people and what it stood for.

He never cared about the van, he cared about the fond memories of his brother tied to it. He never cared about the walls, he cared about the effort of a friend joining a cause. He never cared about the land, he cared about the people who built that land.

It didn't matter what land it stood on, its name, or even its flag – it was the people who put their heart into it.

Wilbur never blew up L'manburg, Wilbur only blew up its remains.

So this is where I come back to – "Revivedbur has difficulty properly articulating himself and what he means, thus resulting in something completely different in what he says." –

“Uh…one thing, I didn’t actually care about L’manburg, I just cared about – you know, sticking it to the man. Actually, I cared about L’manburg for the sole reason that I could use it to stick it to the man. You ever sticked it to the man, Tommy?”

"I never cared for the land L'manburg was on, I cared about the ideals it stood for. I cared about challenging an oppressive authority for our rightful and deserved freedom. Actually, I cared about L'manburg for the sole reason it was a revolution."

Take that with a grain of salt. But I think this is closer to what he actually meant.

“L’manburg was a tool. It was a great tool, it worked, you know. It divided so many people, man (. . .)”

I'm bringing this quote as another example of Wilbur's silly little scrambled eggs brain. But this. This was the one that stumped me.

L'manburg was a tool, huh? Tool for what? "Sticking it to the man"? Well, we all know what that's supposed to entail.

It divided so many people? Well, Wilbur created a side in the first place – his side – or perhaps he is referring to the electoral fallout?

I think this line specifically is an example of not only his poor wording, but his tendency to speak out loud and say whatever he has on his conflicted mind through his awful filter.

I think this line might be from a place where he was negatively thinking about L'manburg in the moment.

It's no secret Wilbur lost hope and declared L'manburg dead in his eyes down along the line – who's to say he wouldn't switch back to a similar mindset with his jumbled headspace?

 “I’ve seen it all, you’ve had your little strifes – this isn’t the first, right, Tommy. Tommy, do you remember when you got sent into exile? Yeah, I remember. I was there, Tommy. I was there. I was there – I was in the cage of that little ghost’s fucking head. Every single step you and me took – look at me, Tommy, look me in the eyes – every single step me and you took, I was there – I was there! I had no control of what was happening, I’ve no idea what was being said, but Tommy – I’ll tell you what – if I was there, and it wasn’t that stupid shell of a ghost instead of me…I would’ve struck down Dream right where he stood. We would’ve disemboweled him. We would’ve disemboweled him together.”

“Tommy, I’m not – I wasn’t blind, I saw what he was doing to you, Tommy. I saw. I saw what he was doing to Tubbo – I saw what he was doing to me. (. . .)”

So I'm gonna be going back to his views on Dream for a moment.

These lines strike me as genuine. Not only because it was confirmed that Wilbur really was angry at Dream's treatment of Tommy – But there's also something I haven't mentioned regarding this;

Tone.

Y'all ever notice how Wilbur switches his tone – actually, his entire demeanor – depending on his genuinity?

A big example of this is the contrast of how Wilbur acted around Tommy most of the stream – with a loud, cocky and confident persona. But the moment he was alone, he switched into a quiet, somber, burdened man.

"He's a good kid. He's a good kid."

It's about the little things, innit.

“But you know what, Tommy? I wasn’t there. I wasn’t there, was I. We had Ghostbur. Ghostbur was there instead, right. And you know what the issue is, you know what the issue is? After seeing Ghostbur interact with Dream, I realized that no, Dream is not the enemy – Dream is not the enemy!”

“This world was not supposed to be inhabited by a people of this caliber – Dream is the hero! Dream needs to be let out of here! Dream’s not in prison for being a horrible person, Dream’s in prison because he dared to try and stop you all. He dared to try and stop you all from gaining all this power, because the minute I was gone, there was a vacuum, there was opening, and everyone just seeked to get in there! And Dream was the only one who stood up to them and told them not to, Dream was the only one who held my seat for me. He held my – he kept it warm! He kept my throne warm, and you guys didn’t like that, so you threw him in prison! And if Dream died instead of me, I would be in there right now.”

“So Tommy, you should thank that I wasn’t alive to attack Dream when we got exiled! You should be glad we had little, passive Ghostbur, because now Dream’s in there, and I’m out here, baby.”

And this is where he switches again, and the contradiction occurs. I've already went through this above, but I'll point out that Wilbur seems to have a very flawed thought pattern here.

This is where his flawed ideals of literary titles kick in once more. Wilbur seems to believe that Dream took his place as the story's villain – therefore "keeping his throne warm."

He also makes incorrect assumptions he genuinely believes are true. Such as his belief that by some logic, he was supposed to end up in the prison; and that the events that occurred he deemed as necessary and ultimately "the best route" – as he's out, and Dream's in. Or the insistance that he and Tommy would've been exiled together.

It's just another example of his flawed thought process and how jumbled up that silly little mentally ill noggin of his is.

And while I can sit here all day trying to rationalize and pick apart quote after quote like a madman, I'm pretty sure you've got the gist of it.

—

Wait. Holy shit you read all of that? Damn. Poggers.

Take this with a grain of salt!! This is just my silly little interpretations of this god damn nightmare of a stream. I'm open to any add ons!!!

That being said. I am going to lie down. Holy shit. Holy shit it's done I can rest.

You've come far, dear traveller – take a them as a reward.

[sepublic]

Marcy’s Condition

           I’m scared for Marcy. Seeing her so wounded, I just-

           I really am afraid. Afraid that she’s going to need not just emotional and mental therapy, but physical therapy as well… Which, we don’t know how successful Andrias’ procedure is going to be, but still. It really sucks and haunts me how Sasha has that scar on her face, as a permanent reminder of what happened in Amphibia, of Reunion…

           But not to compare pain, but Marcy is somehow even worse- Because she might just have that ENTIRE gaping scar on her chest and back, and… Remembering how she almost died, how she THOUGHT she died. The pain, the unimaginable horror and agony at being impaled. The reminder of everything that happened in True Colors, the pain and desperation, the betrayal… I can legit seeing it become an actual, medical trigger for Marcy. Sasha at least managed to cope with the scar on her face, good for her…!

           But Marcy… I can easily see this breaking her. And it just leads to her always trying to cover up that scar and not look at it, which, is easy because she can accomplish that with any regular shirt, but still… It’s just the entire concept of bodily autonomy being violated, of being marked like that, and it worsens with the idea of Andrias turning Marcy into a cyborg, and/or his master possessing her. To already have her body so grievously hurt and wounded, to then be operated on like a test subject, to be controlled and puppeted with this entity inside her… It genuinely sickens me.

           This girl suffered, and there’s always that permanent, visual reminder of it. At least with Sasha, you can argue how she brought it on herself, as a reminder of how she tried to kill Anne’s surrogate father and why this mistake backfired; It’s a learning experience, although trauma is trauma of course, so that is to be said VERY lightly and carefully. It’s not like Anne MEANT to scar Sasha; But Marcy… Marcy didn’t deserve that. She didn’t deserve to be impaled by someone she trusted, who took advantage of and manipulated her… 

          She was afraid of confiding her fears in with Anne and Sasha, and she found that in Andrias; And now, she’s likely to be even MORE terrified of opening up because of this! Especially with how Andrias has the AUDACITY to literally gaslight Marcy in her final moments, as she realizes she’s going to die and is dead, by saying “Look what you’ve made me do.” As if he hasn’t emotionally manipulated her enough, to imply Marcy’s violent death is all her fault, and/or that of the friends she loves and didn’t want to lose, was so afraid of being rejected by. Because I guess her soul hadn’t been crushed enough!

           Not to mention… Getting impaled like that, having a burning blade through your spine… I’m just really afraid that when this is all over, IF Marcy gets to recover and heal; She might be paralyzed. She might be plagued with physical health issues for the rest of her life, because she’s missing an entire chunk of her spine; And, hopefully Andrias’ procedure can give Marcy’s body a full recovery… Ideal scenario, no scar, even! 

          But I can’t help but feel like being possessed by Andrias’ master, THAT could leave its own physical toll on Marcy’s poor body, and it just agonizes me to see this girl be violated like that, emotionally and physically. It’s depressing how Marcy briefly treats others more like NPCs in her game than people, because now SHE’s being objectified, losing her agency, in a way that is so much worse and totally undeserved.

           Marcy doesn’t deserve to have to live with physical health issues for the rest of her life, for what happened; She’s a kid. She doesn’t deserve to be plagued with echoes of pain and physical trauma that constantly remind her of what happened, even when she’s not directly looking at the visual mark it left behind. And I’m just scared that when this is all over… I can see Marcy being bedridden, being in ACTUAL medical therapy, because I have a hard time imagining her being able to function without that.

           What if she becomes physically sick and ill, still feeling the repercussions of her wound or possession or being modified against her will? I don’t want to imagine Marcy looking at prosthetics that Andriasgave her, for the rest of her life. There’s nothing wrong with needing physical aid, or medicine, or therapy to get by in life; But for Marcy, it could serve as a reminder of issues that came as a direct, unfair, result of her time in Amphibia; A loss of carefree health she once had… And she doesn’t deserve to be haunted like that.

          I don’t want Marcy to be plagued by health issues, she’s gone through ENOUGH already, having the rest of Marcy’s life be permanently riddled and restrained because of her wound, it just… It genuinely leaves me in anguish. I don’t want to see Marcy in a wheelchair, as a permanent, haunting reminder that is intertwined in every aspect of her life, of what happened… A reminder she literally can’t escape because it’s her own body, and it’ll affect just about every breathing moment for her.

           I don’t want to see Marcy struggle to breathe from damaged lungs. Or have her struggle with meds –I know that feeling- or constantly need a device for physical aid, something to be hooked up to often. I don’t want to imagine Marcy sometimes lying in bed at night, placing her hand over her chest, so she can feel her heart beating, to relieve and reassure herself that she’s still alive. Not after feeling her heart stop beating when she was first impaled… She’s so young, she has her whole life ahead of her, or should, and she had that violently ripped away from her, barely got to live with that kind of normal life before it was gone for good. She deserves to just breathe, carefree, and feel the sunlight on her face and enjoy life.

           As a disclaimer, I don’t want to patronize people with disabilities or injuries. I don’t want to turn physical conditions into some inescapable tragedy that can’t be moved past, can’t be healed from; There are so many people who have managed to adapt and continue living as always. I’m sorry if I did that… But Marcy’s whole condition could be a brutal reminder of what happened to her, of that horrible thing that wracked not just her heart but her entire body. She shouldn’t have to suffer for that, for the rest of her life…

           And I’m terrified for her mental health. Of her suffering from actual PTSD, being triggered by things that remind her of that moment. Of having nightmares and waking up in a cold sweat, heart racing, as she reaches out for Anne or Sasha for comfort. I can’t handle that thought, the idea of a kid in that sort of pain… It’s so unfair and she doesn’t deserve it. I can genuinely, plausibly see Marcy becoming depressed, becoming somber and morose for a long while, before she can finally heal and become happy and excited and curious in things that open way she does; And GOD, I’d be inconsolable if she felt suicidal, because how do you move on from that? Thinking her life wasn’t worth it without Anne or Sasha, that she literally can’t handle it… Combined with the possibility of abuse in more ways than one from her parents, how THEY won’t help, if they’re even allowed near Marcy after all this.

           Does Marcy have anyone to even turn to when it all ends? I hope she does. I can only imagine her being constantly terrified of being alone, and needing company just to get by… She really deserves a therapy pet after all this, maybe Joe Sparrow could help. It just… It just sounds like Marcy’s whole life has been wracked with this kind of pain, and I don’t want to her pain get any worse, to see it get physically chronic. Any kind of physical pain could easily traumatize and push Marcy to her limits… And, there’s the possibility of good representation for physical disabilities, but also, I don’t want to patronize anyone, or speak over their voices, so again I apologize if I did.

           I guess this just stems from me wanting to see Marcy’s pain be acknowledged and addressed so she can properly heal from it, can be validated and told that it was terrible and should’ve never happened no matter what… But maybe I can find relief in the denial that it didn’thurt her this badly, that Marcy is fine and doesn’t have to deal with that to begin with, because wouldn’t that be better for her? I dunno.

           It’s undeniable that Marcy is going to be emotionally crushed after this… But does she have to stay, or become, physicallycrushed as well?

I just…

           SOMEONE GET THIS GIRL SOME LOVE AND CARE AND THERAPY ASAP FOR THE REST OF HER LIFE AND LET HER BE WELL AGAIN!!!!!

           I just want Marcy to be able to recover and heal… I genuinely hope and wish her emotional spirit will at least be able to move on after this, that she can still find joy and excitable fun, and get to be a kidagain, with her best friends like old times; Only better, because she’s at least grown. God, these girls and their trauma, and the inevitability of how it’ll haunt and hurt them… It leaves me inconsolable.

[kaypeace21]

Stranger things is about mental health & trauma- deal with it!

I’ve seen a lot of people claim anyone who mentioned this topic immediately be gaslit and told they’re “just crazy” and “rudely projecting their own issues on to the characters.’ Like- no you don’t have to believe my  Will DID/Lonnie theory ( I could be wrong). But to claim one of the show’s central themes isn’t about mental health/trauma (screams either complete lack of lit comprehension or denial cause you have your own negative biases towards such people). So let’s just go into what’s literal text-not subtext/symbolism. Just the super blatant stuff.  RIGHT IN THE SHOW!

S1

-We have El when she first appears on screen  asked by Benny if her parents starved and hurt her and if that’s why she ran away. Benny then calls CPS to say El “may have been ab*sed or something.” After this Lucas says there is “seriously something wrong with her-wrong in the head. She’s probably from the NUT-HOUSE in curly county.penthurst” We also see El  cannonically has PTSD-all of s1 she’ll see something benign (a cat, a coke commercial, a closet) and is triggered to see a traumatic flashback. That’s literally ptsd.  There’s also hints throughout the seasons she’s developmentally behind in both language, telling time etc (neglect like El’s irl can cause an intellectual disability-analysis on El/that subject here).The real pethurst in pensylvannia (not the one in stranger things/ Curly county)  closed in 1986-  it was a facility for people and mostly  kids with intellectual disabilities (it wasn’t technically a psych facility like the one in st)-but it was infamous for it’s abuse of these intellectually disabled patients kept there. We also have Brenner be a ab*sive psychiatrist.

- Hopper after suffering from the loss of his daughter. Is popping pills like candy, drinking and smoking constantly. He later says he used to hallucinate and forgot what was real -seeing and hearing sarah and says if he didn’t confront the pain he’d “fall down a black hole he couldn’t get out of.” NO... subtext here about what the void represents nope.

- Both mothers (Terry & Joyce) are dismissed as being mentally ill and simply grieving the loss of their kids . But both end up being right about the supernatural.

- “Terry pretends Jane is real. i mean it’s all make believe. you know the doctors all say it’s a coping mechanism.”

- While with Joyce the whole town pre s1 already questioned her mental health. Jonathan says “She used to have anxiety problems (pre s1).” And Jonathan, Hopper, and Lonnie all assume she’s hallucinating: talking to Will via lights, seeing a man without a face, saying Will’s body is fake -due to grief. Plus Lonnie mentions the fact Joyce’s aunt Darlene also used to hallucinate as a possible reason  (terry’s aunt also had mental health issues mentioned in s2 by Becky). Lonnie even says everything Joyce is seeing  is “all in her head.”  Hopper and Jon both say she needs to sleep and accept reality and Lonnie says she needs to see a “shrink”.  Hopper “i’m not saying that you’re crazy”. Joyce : “no, you are.” Joyce also says to Lonnie “Stop looking at me like that... like everyone else like i’m out of my damn mind.” Hopper also says about Joyce she’s “on the edge”. Callahan says in response , “she’s been on the edge for a while now” (referring to her mental health- even before Will’s dissappearance)”. While Lonnie says Jonathan is “feeding into her hallucinations ... you’re going to push her right over the edge.” In s2 Hopper says “ I think everyone is on edge- you, me, Will most of all. (when talking about Will’s ptsd/trauma)” 

- in s1 They claim Will just “fell” over the edge of the quarry’s cliff. Later the only other queer coded character (Mike) jumps off the quarry cliff (where Will’s body was found) cause the homophobic troy forced him too jump. Troy even says earlier dead-Will is “flying with all the other fairies all happy and gay” (to Mike). And Troy says to Hopper El made Mike “fly” after jumping off the cliff. Friendship saved him from jumping off the edge metaphorically ( and he’ll prob eventually be happy and gay too).

s2/3

-Will is seeing a therapist . And we are told he has ptsd and will experience the anniversary effect, personality changes,nightmares, having episodes, etc. And things “will get worse before they get better”.  Mike also asks if what Will is seeing is “real or like the doctors say all in your head?” And Will continues to see hallucinations of the mf/upsidedown that only he can see initially.

-Hopper also agrees with owens mentioning how he knew guys with ptsd . joyce : “it’s not like he’s describing a nightmare. He talks about them like they’re real.” Hopper: “Yeah, because they’re not nightmares they’re flashbacks.I think he’s right about trauma.I think everyone is on edge (bringing that s1 ref back), Me you, Will, most of all.Nothing’s gonna go back to the way that it was. But it’ll get better.In time.”

-Nancy suffers from survivor’s guilt and drunkingly says she killed Barb. Jonathan says like Nancy he has “a weight that you that carry all the time . i feel it too.” (cough depression). He also says he tries to be there for Will but says about Will “he’s not the same. maybe things can’t go back to the way they were. (mirroring Hopper’s words earlier that season)”

-Jonathan said in s1 Joyce had “anxiety issues” than Nancy says in s3 “you really are your mother’s son... you worry too much.” Then we see him look worried after the comment.

- in s2, Axel & a scientist both call El and Will “schizos” because of their powers. In s3 mrs driscoll isn’t believed about the supernatural cause she’s schizophrenic-but like Joyce/Terry was right.

- Kali saves a woman named Dottie (a british slang term for crazy)  from a mental hospital and then compares herself and El to dottie. saying her non-powered gang is “Like us ...outsiders... society discarded them.”  In graphitti we even see the title “obedlam” a british poem about discarding the mentally ill and leaving them homeless.  El before this sees a mentally ill man screaming “we’re all dead!” Kali’s friend says to El, after this encounter they were “dead all of us” until kali “saved them here” (points to head) “and here” (points to heart). Pointing to the theme of love and friendship helping those with such issues. Similar to the cliff analogy.

-The cycle of ab*se. Max in s2 says she’s afraid of becoming like Billy (her ab*ser). We see Billy mimic his ab*ser neil and inflict pain on max. In s3 we see the roots of his behavior are linked to mimicking Neil- Neil in a flashback says  about baseball “what are you scared?”  “ did i raise a p*ssy for a son”. So young Billy later in a fight says to a boy “ what are you scared to fight me? fight me p*ssy. (as he beats the boy)” Deflecting his anger of his father on to someone else. In s3, We see as a kid he used to say to Neil “don’t hurt her” (his mom)-specifically after  Neil backhand slaps her -but we later see possessed Billy backhand slap Max (just like neil).  The resentment to his mother leaving - festered into how he views women and max negatively . And his attraction to mrs wheeler prob is linked to him subconsciously missing his mother. Max in s2 even says  he can’t take it out on her mother so he does so to her instead (we even have Billy hallucinate hurting mrs wheeler).We see in s2 the cycle of abuse is there- Billy mimics Neil, and then Max mimics Billy. Billy harrasses Max and yells “SAY IT!” (mimicking Neil).  Max like Billy later  yells “SAY IT” and uses a bat /violence to stand up for herself against Billy- which earlier she said she was trying to combat … explaining she can be angry like Billy sometimes but she never wants to be like him (her nickname symbolizing this: aka ‘mad max’).  Billy’s last dying words were an apology to Max- for becoming her neil. And we hopefully will see Max break this cycle.

- Will says his now memories (that he describes like dreams) are “growing “, “spreading “,and “killing”. While Kali says they need to face their father and (as Brenner) says El has to confront her “wound” or else it’ll “grow”, “spread” and “eventually it’ll kill her.” Kali says she used to be like El . She used to bottle her pain away and it “spread.” But she then says  “I confronted my pain and I finally began to heal (from those wounds).” We also see with jonathan and nancy when describing “shared trauma” zoom in onto the scars on their hands. The wound heeled into a scar so to speak.

S2 & 3 ENDINGS

both have Hopper do a speech that delves into dealing with trauma/depression but still finding good along the way.

-s2 Hopper outside the snowball: “how are you holding up? Yeah, that feeling never goes away. It is true what they say, you know. Everyday it does get easier.”

-s3 Hopper monolouge : “ Feelings jesus. For so long, i’d forgotten what those even were. I’ve been stuck in one place,in a cave you might say , a deep dark cave (cough s2 supernatural cave). For the first time in a long time, i started to feel things again. I started to feel happy. Life... yeah sometimes it’s painful .sometimes it’s sad, and sometimes it’s suprising... happy.. And when life hurts you, because it will .remember the hurt . The hurt is good. It means you’re out of that cave.”

BUT YES- St has nothing to do with mental health/trauma, we’re just “crazy” and “projecting”. It’s not like some of ya’ll  act pompous when you just have a bias and get pissy at the idea of relating to characters you “other” as “crazy” or “damaged” irl or anything (so attack people for pointing it out). Or (benefit of the doubt) you are just like.... oblivious... or just a kid who doesn’t know better XD

[putseraphinaonthaphone]

Adjustment | Group Chat AU

CW// angst, abusive family, CPTSD, trauma survivor reader (it's a weird mix of self indulgence and these four using sex to show their affection and care instead of therapy talks, yk?)

tw// rough sex, orgasm denial, d/s dynamics, anal sex, spanking, recreational drug use, high sex, CGL, sexual age play, group sex, m/m, degradation kink, praise kink, daddy kink, dacryphilia, double penetration, creampie, breeding kink

It shouldn't have surprised any of them, but the first time you threw a fit you were met with shock before the anger.

You were in a shitty mood after a call from home you couldn't dodge, and it threw off the rest of your day. You locked yourself in your dorm and smoked yourself into oblivion- ignoring your phone and the many texts from your boyfriends, and masturbating until it hurt too much to continue. Your clit was sore and throbbing and walking was uncomfortable when you got up to take a shower.

By the time you finished cleaning up there was a violent pounding at your door. You opened the door and Shoto's concerned faced morphed into anger when he was hit with the smell of weed and your blank face.

"Why the fuck weren't you answering the chat? Or my calls?"

"I turned my phone off early this morning. Didn't want to turn it back on." Was all you could manage, turning to finish getting dressed, a flash of annoyance going through you when Sho grabbed your wrist.

"Do you know how fucking worried I was?"

"I don't fucking care Shoto! I didn't want my fucking phone on. I didn't want you people fucking calling me." You were too angry to realize you fucked up, only scoffing in the face of Shoto's complete shock at your rudeness.

You both knew sometimes the haunting effects of your trauma could make you lash out at each other, Dabi too, but you had also all agreed never to take it out on each other.

So even though Sho could see something had obviously triggered you, he couldn't allow this behavior to go unchecked.

"We're not people, you fucking little brat. And if you want to make your punishment for today's little stunt worse then by all means keep running your mouth." You winced as you shifted your weight from one foot too another once the sharpness of Sho's tone finally cut through your bravado.

"What the fuck did you do." It was all but growled at you while he took out his phone, to call the others for you punishment you realized with a gulp. If all four of them were needed to punish you... you must have really fucked up.

"N-nothing.." It was a strange, insidious form of self harm you'd developed in highschool. Usually only realizing what you'd done when it was too late. But masturbating until your clit hurt too much to walk was self harm just like any other form.

"That's fine, we'll get it out of you one way or another." He clenched his jaw but only spoke a few terse words to someone, Dabi you guessed. "Found her. Come pick us up at her dorm. Call the others."

"Get dressed." You almost flinched at the way he barked at you, Shoto was usually soft spoken to the extreme even when he was high. But now he was properly angry at you and you just felt like shit.

You tried to hide the winces and awkward movements to accommodate the new discomfort, and eventually Sho orders you to get on the bed and spread your legs.

When he sees just how engorged your clit is, how you flinch from the barest touches to it, he glares at you with such anger you're truly worried for what your punishment was going to hold.

"I'll carry you to the car. But you're in no way off the hook."

You end up being piggybacked to Dabi's car, and told to lay down and shut up in the backseat while the two men talked in the front seat. Unfortunately for you, Shoto's anger and the chill of Dabi's leather seats sobered you up quickly. Not to mention the bits and pieces of their conversation you overheard.

"Bakugou's fucking pissed. Even Shinsou raised his voice."

"So did I... stubborn as usual."

"The fuck are we gonna do with her?"

"Considering she rubbed her clit literally raw to the point I'm literally concerned, I thought it'd be a perfect time to remind her orgasms are a reward to be earned or taken away depending on her behavior."

"God damnit, that's my job stupid fucking slut." Dabi cursed at you worriedly over his shoulder, and you couldn't stop the way you whimpered in response because your thighs clenched together automatically and now you were paying the price.

Or so you thought.

But even through all the torture they put you through that evening for not coming to them when you had been triggered, and for shutting them out- resulting in them not being there to stop you from hurting yourself, you weren't truly sorry until you were stretched around Bakugou's shaft while Shinsou, Shoto, and Dabi took turns fucking loads into your ass.

They decided that each of them would give you a load for every missed call they sent to your phone.

Bakugou's job was to spank your ass hard enough to make you clench around whichever two dicks were in you at the moment, making you apologize for every missed call and reminding you "We wouldn't fucking call if we didn't care."

You were trembling in his lap, your face buried in his neck as Shoto fucked you relentlessly- happy to take out all his worry and anger on your ass and adding his final load to the mess in your ass.

When Shinsou pressed into you for one last round in your sloppy hole, Dabi and Sho went to either side of Bakugou, sitting beside him so they could see your face as you were fucked as befitted a punishment- hard, with little pleasure that didn't come with more pain.

"Do you know why you need to answer daddy's calls baby?" Shinsou groaned in your ear as he gripped your hips tightly, and when you took too long to gather your scattered thoughts Bakugou was happy to pop your ass. "You were asked a question, brat."

"B-because I belong to you." You answered, more a sob than anything, like Dabi drilled into taught you. At the end of the day that's what he saw the crux of the problem was, you didn't truly think they wanted you to belong to them. And maybe his moody ass was right.

"Yes, and because you belong to me, to all of us, we need to always be able to reach you. Keep you in line, keep you safe even from yourself if we need to. Cause that's what you need, isn't it kitten." This time it wasn't a question and as you finally broke down and cried. Sho's cold hand and Dabi's hot hand each claimed on of your thighs on either side of Bakugou's waist, and Bakugou wrapped his hand around your throat loosely to make sure you kept your eyes on his even through your tears.

Shinsou felt his orgasm approaching as you started to whimper out apologies to all of them, told them you needed them to keep you safe and that you'd be good from now on, because nothing aroused him more than fucking you with the others back into his sweet baby.

When you woke up next, you were sandwiched between Shinsou and Bakugou while Dabi and Sho made out at the foot of the bed.

"You finally awake sleepy head?" Shinsou's soft voice was heard above you, and as you took stock of the fact that you were freshly washed and dressed, you felt grateful for these guys all over again.

"Hurts, daddy.." You admitted quietly, and Bakugou reached to the table closest to the bed and grabbed a cold wash cloth, both him and your daddy holding you open to press the cool cloth to your aching clit. Sho and Dabi paused to watch worriedly, Dabi's piercing blue eyes glaring at you as he growled, "Don't you ever pull that shit again. We can't touch your clit for days now."

"Days?" You pouted but Bakugou just pressed a little too hard and you were whining from the pain. His crimson eyes met yours angrily as well.

"Days. This is a punishment afterall. You're going to remember who you belong to. Who you obey. If we have to drive you insane by fucking you without giving release, then maybe you'll learn your lesson this time."

[anselm0]

stranger things 4 is garbage, and here’s why: a not-mad, just-disappointed meta about theme

s4 was about making the theme of trauma in stranger things literal. this was a very smart move and it was being executed reasonably well for most of the season! unfortunately, it crashed and burned in the last act.

this is so fucking long, my apologies

trauma and trauma responses are consistently present throughout the season’s major beats. max was torn up about seeing her stepbrother die and her own ambivalent response in that moment and afterward. el is bullied mercilessly until she lashes out violently and it resurfaces her suppressed memory of a massacre she feels responsible for. she previously lost her powers but suddenly her abusive dad is back and offering to torture her again to get them back. hopper’s using his siberian vacation to spiral about how he curses the people he loves. joyce is still hyper-vigilant and on edge from everything that had happened to will, seeing bob die, seeing hopper die; she packed up and ran away from hawkins! i could see an interpretation of will’s (incredibly scant, yet again!!) arc as self-flagellation for the crime of being gay and in love with mike, which is to say trauma from being closeted in addition to all his upside down trauma.

and of course, vecna’s whole deal is that he tortures you with the worst things you’ve ever experienced until you die so horribly it traumatizes other people.

like max, eddie sees someone die horribly in front of him and he’s wracked with guilt about how he reacted in the moment. jason and the jocks were pissed and completely in denial that chrissy could have ever been with eddie willingly, but it wasn’t until jason saw patrick die the same way that he’s actively looking to kill eddie and whipping up violence against anyone connected with him. this could even be tied back to billy, since people want to ride that guy’s dick so bad. billy’s traumatized by the loss of his mother, his dad is abusive to him, and he sees and experiences horrible things while possessed by the mindflayer, who we now learn is an extension? symbiote? flunky? of vecna.

this theme of trauma is so clearly and competently developed that it really puzzles me how the duffers ended up ~resolving it. what are they saying about trauma?

let me start by saying that i expected something about trauma perpetuating itself, abuse victims becoming abusers when they don’t work through their trauma. again, going back to billy, this reveal of vecna reinforces that his abusive behavior might be explained by his unresolved trauma, but it doesn’t excuse it. instead of him getting half-assed redemption from the one time he wouldn’t stand back while a kid was killed in front of him, the parallels written between henry and el would reinforce that billy was still responsible for his visiting his own pain on other people instead of confronting nor dealing with his trauma. (max even offered him help, and he rejected it! but that’s a different rant) this is similar to what i’ve seen other people say about how they  interpreted the mechanics of vecna’s curse. when max is playing bait but vecna isn’t taking it, it seems like it SHOULD be because she’s finally expressed her feelings to billy at his graveside and told her friends why she’s isolating herself. vecna literally traps his victims in their own heads with the worst secrets they haven’t told anybody else (chrissy’s abusive mother and eating disorder, fred’s hit and run, patrick’s...something or other), but now max’s trauma is exposed. i think it does make sense that vecna could still be goaded into attacking her using the exposed trauma the way he ends up doing: impersonating lucas to tell max that her friends don’t really accept her and secretly think she deserves to die like she had secretly believed about billy. but the huge hurdle of admitting that something is wrong and asking for help seems like it should weaken vecna’s power.

i wonder if this was how the curse is supposed to work. the school counselor practically says verbatim that there are people who will help if Max asks, that saying what is wrong will help her come to terms with her trauma! even the plan of hiding from vecna in good memories seems like a plausible visualization of the concept.

the problem is that vecna himself upends this theory of trauma.

again, what I expected was that when the party learned that the victor creel murders happened so long ago and with such a long gap between killings was that the son somehow acquired the power of whatever had killed his family and was inflicting it on other kids like it had been inflicted on him first. this could have been a strong parallel with eleven. what if the things that vecna says he learned lurked behind his parents’ front of normalcy was not war trauma and ...uh, something?? what do moms do? Something! anyway - what if the dark secret was something that actually involved henry? just for instance, what if henry was abusing his little sister and his parents were ignoring/covering it up? or henry himself was being abused and didn’t have anyone to turn to for help? or if they came to hawkins because another child died in their previous home, whether from neglect or some mistreatment either from henry or his parents?  yada yada yada, and then henry gets whisked away by papa.

papa is not interested in curing trauma. whether or not henry killed his family (i think it would be most interesting if this was left ambiguous, or if it is clear he did it, ambiguous if he did it involuntarily), papa is convinced he did. and by some weird combination of 1980s drug experiments and living on a hellmouth, henry does gain (regain?) that power. but now he’s internalized the idea that he was at fault for what happened to his family. maybe he’s convinced himself that he did it on purpose because his parents deserved it for what they did to him/allowed him to do to other people. that’s why all his victims see visions of the clock from his house and max and nancy end up in his house - it’s why vecna still lives in the upside down version of his house. he’s literally stuck there because that’s the site of his trauma! but he’s convinced himself of papa’s narrative that it isn’t where he was traumatized, it’s where he gained POWER. papa has really made an impression on henry, but henry’s rationalizations have made him a megalomaniac, and there’s only room for one megalomaniac in papa’s underground child farm. the whole thing with papa trying to neuter henry, making him actively participate in the abuse of other kids, and then henry manipulating el into releasing him/feeling responsible for things henry did still works as a way of showing how henry becoming the same kind of abuser as papa because he never dealt with the trauma papa inflicted on him. (wish that it was more obvious that she only helped him because of his manipulation, not because she’s just a born-good person like he’s a born-bad person, since that would preserve the arc of s1 and mike’s value as the “heart” of the party better plus serve the s4 theme better, by it’s fine)

at the end, when el tells henry he can still stop hurting people, he can still be saved even after everything, that’s the offer of help that max kept getting from her friends and the counselor and finally accepted that she was worthy of receiving. that should be the cap on this season! with the support of her friends, el (sort of) worked through her trauma from papa enough to see him as a monster who hurt her instead of a benevolent jailer, and now she is doing her best to offer friendship to henry to work through his. (oops, the max/billy thing IS this rant after all!) s4 should have ended on this poignant offer of healing and the tragedy of henry rejecting it.

but that’s not the way it actually goes.

we do get the classic downbeat, empire strikes back ending for the season, which i respect.

(side salad: i do think they should have gone whole hog with tragic death and killed steve as they seemingly were winding up to do. doesn’t that make sense, narratively? he’s the most well-adjusted member of the party! head empty, no dark secrets, all his worst behavior has been made public and atoned for! he’s been consistently supportive and protective from the end of s1 even when tommy and billy were goading him into returning to his old ways. he’s also fully integrated into the dynamics of both the older and younger halves of the party. if vecna was going to target any single person as the key to breaking the party’s spirit, wouldn’t it be steve? his death would cut robin out almost immediately; nancy would feel even more guilty for all her wavering over wanting to get back together with him after watching him die and feeling responsible for getting him into it like she did unwittingly to barb; dustin would be devastated his big brother is dead and they hadn’t been as close recently; eddie would feel like it should have been him for the crime of running away at first [unlike steve when he first encountered the upside down!!]; el would feel guilty for not being there for him as well as for max; mike would lash out from being defensive that it isn’t her fault; lucas and later max would feel survivor’s guilt for being glad it wasn’t max; and will and jonathan would keep drifting away and feeling like they aren’t allowed to try to hold on tighter since their trauma is supposedly over. joe could come back for the final season as an avatar of vecna to torture them all until they finally come back together as a party and remember that steve wasn’t like that AT ALL. but i digress)

anyway, the season ends on the downbeat of hawkins literally cracked open, the upside down infecting what’s left, vecna undefeated, and henry’s continued cruelty of insisting that el is at fault for making him into vecna and giving him the power of the upside down. that ending is completely in line with the show’s overall arc and the way i personally think that the theme of trauma should have gone. if i was writing stranger things, nearly all the major beats could stay exactly the same.

the one beat that i would absolutely change is that vecna isn’t actually traumatized according to the way the season is written. his motives are totally divorced from the backstory we see in el’s flashbacks of the lab. el tells henry that papa is dead because she assumes he’s acting out of unresolved trauma, and vecna specifically refutes this interpretation! he’s sort of indifferent to papa’s actions except for the fact that he prevented henry from doing whatever he wants. he resents papa’s power, not papa himself. he’s much more resentful of eleven for not going along with him or believing henry’s interpretation of his  actions - that is, he’s pissed because the victim of his abuse is fighting back. vecna’s motive is that he’s a born monster who on purpose killed his family when he was like twelve because...they weren’t actually perfect? thank god this takes place before the invention of instagram. what horrible crime of pretend normalcy did his ten-year-old sister commit? irrelevant, I guess. henry is sensitive AND he likes spiders! classic supervillain shit there. he kills traumatized teenagers in particular because...well, he’s a supervillain. doesn’t like seem like something a supervillain would do?

unfortunately, this casts papa’s actions as reasonable and even noble because henry (since apparently he was born evil and with superpowers) presumably WOULD have been killing people the whole time without papa’s intervention. this makes el’s repudiation of papa as a monster narratively wobbly, because he did do that good thing, and he did force her powers to manifest again, and she absolutely needs them now. the bizarre way his death scene plays out like we’re supposed to care a horrible man dies seems to show the writers’ ambivalence about papa’s ultimate morality. plus, if henry’s actions don’t stem from trauma, then vecna isn’t an embodiment of repressed trauma. his curse uses a victim’s trauma against them, but only because vecna himself is plain evil. he killed his family and framed his father because he hated them, period. the way he reveals this to nancy reinforces this, since she is looking for what happened to the creels in the hope that it will help them with the riddle of how to defeat vecna and the answer is he just killed them and he liked it (and spiders!) and knowing that is totally useless to nancy. it’s a slap in the face that hits at nancy’s insecurrities of being as silly and useless as some people think she is and her actions endangering other people. every reveal of information about vecna makes him less and less relevent to the theme of trauma that is otherwise ever-present in s4. vecna killed chrissy, fred, and patrick and tries to kill max because he thinks he should act like a spider (he super loves those leggy boys!!) and kill the most vulnerable prey, but he only does that because he needs to open gates to go back to the real world to...kill everyone. because of...order? something like that. insert supervillain monologue here.

one of the reasons s1 of stranger things worked so well was that there were three different groups of people working with three different understandings of what was going on, and winning the final battle depended on those groups communicating with each other and working together. so successful in fact that this is the structure of every season of the show! each fragment of the party is in the dark, unable or unwilling to ask for help from the others, struggling in vain until they all come together and and coordinate their individual efforts to support each other. s4 should have been the season where the external threat also expressed an internal threat to this power, setting up s5 for a final triumph of the power of friendship. and i think the duffers intended to do that. vecna being the ultimate big bad and feeding all the while off the trauma he had inflicted via intermediaries in the previous seasons, while himself being the product of the same lab as eleven, that all works! and maybe they’re going to roll back on vecna’s supervillain monologues in s5 by saying he was lying in s4 and make him more plausible as a person, but that would be incredibly cheap and also prevent the constant escalation of threat in terms of literal size that television writers seem to think viewers require.

for my money, the externalization of the threat to party unity as just one extra-evil guy (who’s always been evil and in fact made the upside down evil with how evil he naturally was!) completely undercuts the trauma theme i think the duffers were going for. as it is, i think the most probable version of s5 doesn’t involve catharsis and healing for most characters, let alone DEPEND on it. maybe we finally get a reveal of what’s really going on to the wheeler parents, the sinclairs, and dustin’s mom and the implication of parental support before the final battle? i think will will get to come out at last but i doubt that they’re going in a healing in queer solidarity direction considering that he and robin never interact!!

the inevitable working-separtely-before-coming-together-to-defeat-the-big-bad shape of s5 could really sing if it was going to resolve the trauma arcs that s4 set out. if s4 had fulfilled its promise the season of trauma and trauma responses, s5 would be about breaking the cycle and healing. the big bad is the embodiment of the dark thoughts and secrets that make you feel alone and desperate and like you deserve to be punished by some evil guy with no nose!! the party members have be there for each other emotionally as well as literally to win the fight. i think we can see the seeds of this already planted in the imperfect end of s4. el’s power is HERS, and she doesn’t owe papa or henry anything or have responsiblity for anything they did. the possibility of healing max would never have occurred to either of them, but el has benefitted from her friends and an actually good dad, and that environment has opened up a new horizon of abilities she never knew she had. dustin takes eddie’s uncle’s grief seriously, but dustin’s grief should be recognized by the party instead of some near-rando - nancy’s grief over barb and joyce’s over bob, too!

and THAT’s the narrative circumstance in which will being held in the closet against our will for three seasons is narratively justified as ongoing truama reaction, but now will comes out because he’s brave and risks himself, and the acceptance and love he gets in return for his vulnerability CASTS PROTECTION over the whole party, bringing the whole fucking thing full circle ‼️‼️‼️

and another thing! fred could have been used way more effectively to really put the screw to nancy. instead of bizarrely hitting on her, fred should have been clearly looking for help, maybe even trying to confess what he did to nancy in some sideways manner like aggressively pushing for an investigation of the crash he caused, but nancy bushes him off either because she assumes he is weirdly hitting on her or because she’s focused on her own ambitions or because she’s distracted by her drama with jonathan, and THEN she realizes once he’s died that she COULD HAVE SAVED HIM if she had just paid attention to other people’s shit!! and that girl’s not telling anyone about her failings EVER and she’s hypercompetent with all her guns so nobody suspects, and then surprise! she’s a super juicy target for vecna. of fucking course nancy isn’t going to tell anybody that either, maybe we don’t see it either except for clues like a bloody nose (could have been from running into something) and taking advil (she hit her head after all) and then the truth comes out at the worst moment!! hire me netflix

[stellocchia]

Something that’s been bugging me is the idea going around that Tubbo needs to be “held accountable” for more things. That he somehow “got away” with anything. You mention that no one talks about what Tubbo said before the whole “the disks were worth more than you ever were” bit, but then neglect to mention how after Dream spent like two and a half minutes straight calling Tubbo terrible and stupid and no one interrupted him, and everyone blamed him for Doomsday afterwards with him just numbly agreeing.

Tubbo’s been punished for everything he has and hasn’t done in the story. And if you really want to get Nitpicky and say that Tubbo’s multiple attempts at apologies didn’t count for everything he did, how about the time when Tommy called him a monster? He never apologized for it, but we’ve let that go.

I get wanting to lift Tommy up, especially with all that’s been going on in the fandom, but you don’t have to tear Tubbo down to do it. Just because his traumas are quieter than Tommy’s doesn’t mean there aren’t there and affecting his actions, and if you can excuse what Tommy does due to his traumas, you can extend the same courtesy for Tubbo.

Okay, let’s get back into this then: 

1) Tubbo really wasn’t blamed for Doomsday, Tommy was the one most of the characters and fandom alike were mad at. That said, NEITHER of them is to blame for it. Dream, Techno and Phil are the ones who destroyed L’Manburg, NOBODY ELSE is responsible. 

2) When I say that I want Tubbo to be “held accountable” I literally just mean him aknowledging he has hurt others with his behaviours and pointing out that he’s not “an innocent angel” like a lot of people like to portray him in this fandom. It really has nothing to do with lifting Tommy up, it’s just a call for Tubbo to stop living in “denial town”. Also, didn’t Tommy call him a monster after learning that he had almost executed someone? Like... that’s honestly pretty reasonable... he thinks the same about Techno executing Tubbo.

That said, the one reason I may sound harsh when calling out Tubbo despite him being one of my favourites it’s mostly because his wrongdoings are just almost never aknowledged in canon. People blame him for the wrong things and that’s a problem. 

Tubbo isn’t to be blamed for the exile, Dream is, yet that’s the one thing he’s gotten the most backlash about. Characters said he “was the president that killed L’Manburg”, but NO, Dream, Phil and Techno killed it.

But for other things like: Tubbo never visiting Tommy in exile or never sending anyone to check up if he was alive or not, or saying hurtful things during their confrontations or now not doing anything while knowing he was locked up with the guy who hurt them both so much... well he IS responsible there and it should be aknowledged. 

Does this mean I think he is a bad person for it? Or that he should be punished? HELL NO! Punishment is useless and it’s exclusively harmful! I just want him to actually realize (much like for Ranboo) that his lack of action and his words have been harmful before so that he doesn’t repeat his mistakes in an endless cycle, which has already been happening (throwback to him doing nothing while one of his supposed best friends was locked up with his abuser).

Also, just a nitpick here, but I have talked SO MUCH about both fandom and characters straight up ignoring Dream yelling at Tubbo for 5 minutes. SO MUCH. Just because I don’t mention it in every single post that discusses Tubbo doesn’t mean I’m not aware of it or haven’t brought it up multiple times. 

Also, NEITHER Tubbo’s NOR Tommy’s harmful actions are excused by their trauma. Trauma doesn’t excuse wrongdoings, it makes them understandable, but it doesn’t EXCUSE them. The characters aknowledging them and trying to fix thing or, at the very least, apologize for them is what solves things. 

[system-of-a-feather]

How do you feel about endos? Just curious.

Oookay, Riku will probably never get around to this, and while Riku wants to “get all the aspects” addressed in a “diplomatic” manner because it is a “complex and multifaceted discussion”, but they are over thinking this and will literally never do it so I’ll go with the really rough outline that they started and fill it in with what I know of our system.

Sorry if I sound really inflammatory, I’m not a diplomatic person lel 

Also, for comedy sake, I am going to maintain everything Riku kept in this outline and try my best to fill it out. A lot of this I am completely lost on so, there will be moments where I am clearly confused lel

I may get some of our opinions “wrong” because I’m kind of taking a guess from my access of the brain, so I apologize if Riku looks at any asks or reblogs we might get from this and goes WHY DID ADERIS SAY THAT?! I’m trying my best

===

Overall TLDR Opinion: So as a system, we don’t like to be too involved in it publicly. Its a multilayered complex topic with too much nuance for it to be worth advocating for or against, and with how large of a cultural phenomenon it is, it isn’t going to change with us. We don’t think it is likely that DID can be formed without trauma, but we also don’t write it off fully. We strongly however do not like “intentional” systems and find it really offensive and gross. With that being said, we also recognize issues in being too forward about that, so we don’t bother with it much.

More details below the keep reading.

-Aderis (Local Discourse Alter)

Can I follow if…

Yes. We really don’t limit or care who is following us. If you identify as an endogenic, singlet, fictionkin, a roll of toothpaste, we really don’t mind or care. I mean, we’d prefer if transphobes and homophobes and all those gross things weren’t following us because honestly - G r o s s - but also like, whatever.

I guess the only people we don’t want following are people that are actively going to use our posts to hurt others or to fetishize trauma or anything? I don’t think we have much worry for that but yeah nah. If you are endogenic or whatever, you can still follow. Just know that our writing isn’t written for an endogenic crowd.

====

Stages of Understanding DID and Endogenic Spaces

I don’t FUCKING know what Riku meant this. What the FUCK is “stages of understanding DID”? I’ve been sitting here for like... five minutes trying to understand what that meant, but I *think* they were trying to get at the idea of how people come to terms with DID.

If that is the case, then one reasons we don’t want to bash or actively advocate against endogenics is that identifying as an endogenic / endogenic-parallel concepts or finding concepts put out there by endogenics is kind of a stage / easier way to accept the situation since it doesn’t carry to baggage of having to accept that you were abused / mistreated. 

It isn’t necessarily the healthiest and there is a large concern of getting misinformation and feeding the denial or learning really bad coping mechanisms through those environments, so we don’t think it is a **good** purpose or environment to be in, but the last thing we’d want is to force people who are still struggling to understand their mental state and come to terms with the past that they *have* to admit that they were really fucked up and hurt by things that had happened in the past.

We have a lot of mixed feelings and don’t have a firm stance on if that role in coming to terms with DID is good or not so we really don’t know there or have firm opinions. Since we don’t have firm opinions, we default to “we don’t want to rush / control / dictate what other people with DID are doing in their path of healing and we don’t want to rush people’s healing journey with DID” so we refrain from involving or telling people one thing or the next.

====

Intentional Systems / Tulpamancy Systems

We think they are really offensive and problematic. We instantaneously unfollow and block systems that claim to be intentional, and we tend to unfollow people who post about intentional systems. That is the part of the endogenic community we have very little patience for.

We do know there are still probably actual DID / OSDD systems out there that use those terms to write off their condition similar to endogenics mentioned above, but the amount of damage these ones do and the just straight up often horrible thoughts and opinions about DID that they have outweighs our opinion on not budding our head where it doesn’t belong.

Don’t fetishize / make our disorder a fun thing.

====

Median Systems

Uhh.... I think Riku was going to mention something about how we found out that some people have multiple people in their head through median systems and came to understand that as ourselves and learned beyond that???

I don’t really know what stands out in specific about Median Systems though. I think there might be an opinion somewhere about BPD and Median systems? But generally we also put this in the same categroy as “stages of understanding DID”. Maybe if Riku comes around they can explain if they even know.

====

Can you have a system without trauma?

Oooookaaay, this is one Riku would be 10000% better at answering because they have a lot of nerd stuff about this about science and psychology and statistics and research and shit. I’m not that savvy in those topics though? So I guess I’ll give you a quick rundown from the gist.

We don’t think that it is likely that you can have a system - a true dissociative system with dissociated parts - without trauma. That though comes with the key word “likely”. We are very much open to the possibility / idea that other methods could form dissociated parts and are actually a bit keen into maybe some day doing research on it. Science and research has backed that DID is formed due to disorganized attachment to caregivers and repeated trauma at a young age, but DID is very under researched, psychology is a soft science, and very little about the conscious, identity, and dissociation is actually firmly known.

Until the exact neurological structure / reasoning / process to how DID forms and how it differs from those that don’t have it, we really hesitate to put it in any box because that’s really not how mental health works. It might be that the majority of cases are due to trauma, but theoretically other disorders can cause pretty dissociation and if said disorders occurred at a young enough age, then theoretically maybe something like that could happen. There is somewhere in this brain a tab on ADHD or something, but I can’t go into that cause I really wouldn’t do it a service.

The really condensed version is we don’t think so with our current understanding and readings, but we don’t think it is 100% certain and there is a very reasonable possibility that there is something out there, a different path way that can cause the DID we know - or a different condition that looks and appears similar to DID but is fundamentally different.

You rarely ever *know* anything in psych, especially with something so abstract of a disorder with little research on it such as DID and how consciousness / states of consciousness work in the brain to really be claiming anything so certainly.

====

Should endogenics be considered DID?

I don’t care?? Honestly, our system is generally of the consensus that until evidence comes to show that it is possible AND the same disorder, then no. And even then, I think the question Riku meant was “should endogenics and DID be related / equated / in the same space” which is a strong no.

Even if endogenics are real and are possible, the amount of which trauma plays into what we currently know as DID is so ridiculous that there is honestly little overlap other than the “same hat” of having multiple parts in a body. So much of DID is much more about “spicy” C-PTSD with the exclusive DLC of thick dissociative barriers. A lot of our experience is centered around navigating trauma and helping parts grow beyond the trauma that seeded their existence and I really don’t know how much of that would be able to be properly understood and shared with someone who has NO trauma? I also feel as though inherently the dynamics between parts would HAVE to be extremely different without trauma because all of the “roles” in our system are fundamentally absed on how we are because of our trauma and how we cope and manage things.

====

Endogenics on Social Media / Practically Speaking?

We leave them alone for the most part. If they aren’t being toxic or spreading misinformation, its really not our deal to care about much - and even then it really isn’t. We have a lot of other things in our life to care about and we really don’t have the time or energy to get worked up, heated, stressed, or anything because we see someone claiming to have parts without trauma. 

I say let people be people and do things as people do so long as they aren’t harming anyone. We disagree and are technically “sysmeds” or whatever, but like, its not that huge of a thing.

Anyways, that’s all.

[xerantic]

Shigaraki’s Perceptions - Ch. 236

I find the psychological implications of this chapter very interesting, and it makes me sad that most people probably won’t fully grasp its complexity. First of all is the fact that we’ve got an unreliable/biased narrator, considering he’s been manipulated into leaning toward some very twisted conclusions about himself and his experiences, and he’s never gotten therapy to clarify the the events that led to his current state of being (not to mention he just fully remembered these things for the first time in fifteen years right now).

When it comes to a traumatic event, especially one in which a person has any level of agency, no matter how small, it can be easy for the person to blame or vilify themselves for what happened. “I think I realized what was going on at some point in the middle; I wasn’t innocent.” “I hated them for letting me down, so I probably wanted this.” “I killed my father on purpose, and it felt really good.” This can either lead to a ton of guilt or to acceptance and embracing of the notion that one is a bad person. The latter can feel deceptively freeing, considering crushing self-hatred is the other option. But that doesn’t mean either are the truth.

The truth is that Tenko harbored hurt and resentment toward both his abuser and his family that failed to help him, who seemed to take his father’s side. That resentment gradually turned into hatred and bubbling rage, as it felt things just kept getting worse or more intolerable. He felt trapped in a world of abuse and denial. Then his quirk manifested, possibly fueled by his overflowing negative emotions.

His dog fell apart into chunks, and he was stricken mute by the shock and horror. He had no idea what was going on, thought he was being attacked by some villain. He reached out to his big sister for help, to be saved for once, but (understandably) she freaked out and tried to run. He tried to grab her, not wanting to be abandoned again, and she fell to pieces, too. At that point, he might have started to suspect it was him causing this, but who can think calmly and rationally in a situation like this--as a five-year-old?

And who could have expected his quirk would split the earth and destroy his mother and grandparents from afar, as he was reaching out for his mother’s embrace? He was mad at them, but he also still needed love, still wanted support and saving; there are very mixed feelings in having a family both who you are quite close to and who has let you down. So recognizing that anger, analyzing the event 15 years after the fact, he figures he must have wanted to destroy them all, deep down.

Then his father appears. Tenko clearly feels incredible guilt realizing he was the cause of this, and he’s probably afraid of his father’s reaction. He apologizes in a sobbing panic. His father, seeing the extreme danger his son poses and the fact that this child has just murdered the entire rest of his family, acts on adrenaline. Grabs a gardening tool and tries to knock his son unconscious. Nurturing and loving? Not at all. Practical? Possibly. He’s clearly not trying to punish or damage his son for no reason; he’s yelling at him to stop. It’s a panicked moment, not a revenge moment, it seems. If he knocks the kid out, his quirk might stop, and he can address the situation with whatever is needed in a less immediately deadly environment. Argue there might have been better ways, and he might have been (understandably) upset, but you try making a panicked, emotional decision in split second, facing your death along with your family.

But obviously, his son isn’t seeing from that perspective. Tenko sees his father yelling at him, beating him in the face with garden shears, and reaching for him with the hand that hits him. In an adrenaline-fueled response of rage and self-defense (from his father for all times, not just this moment; he’s not taking the abuse anymore), he reaches out to intentionally kill his abuser. And feels amazing finally having the power to get rid of the person who’s tormented his life the most. It’s a rush. So after that intense stress buildup and mind-breaking trauma, he laughs, unhinged, at the relief of pressure, decides, for that moment of euphoria, that he’s glad all this happened. That decision made in an unstable state of mind sticks in his head for fifteen years. That if he felt good about it at that point, that makes him 100% responsible, guilty, naturally evil.

Even if him previously wishing for his family to die or vanish as a child were even remotely true to some generic, un-detailed level...this did not begin intentionally. And the realization came gradually, with much panic and confusion. Most importantly, the impulse control area of the brain of a five-year-old is highly underdeveloped. They can be literally incapable of stopping themselves from acting on an urge. Furthermore, a five-year-old is not capable of fully rationalizing the heavy consequences of their actions on their future (nor are they yet able to grasp the entirety of life, death, murder, or morality to their full extent), especially in a moment of incredible trauma and stress. The problem is, a 20-year-old will look back on the event with a 20-year-old brain and figure, “I consciously went with it, so I must have wanted it.”

Put that sentence in any trauma victim’s mouth, and you know they need therapy (any trauma victim needs therapy, but I’m just saying). This wasn’t some permanent, cathartic relief, wasn’t his fulfilling raison d’etre. It obviously wasn’t great for him, wasn’t what he wanted, because he was sobbing the whole time, hardly able to speak from the shock and terror. It was so horrific to him that he ran away afterwards, completely repressed the memories from his consciousness, and lived as a “hollow shell” until All for One took him in. When he was told what he had done, he immediately had a panic attack, got physically sick from the flashes of vague memory, and started sobbing, holding the remains of his family close in shock.

This is trauma, not fulfillment. But instead of helping Tenko heal, getting him therapy, All for One took that trauma, that confusion and questioning, and intentionally made it stick, ingrained it into Shigaraki as something to hold onto no matter what, a permanent part of himself. “Yes, you wanted this to happen, you killed them on purpose, you were happy about it, you are twisted; this is who you are.”

And this is why Shigaraki thinks this is his villain origin story. Because he thought he must be bad for what happened, and All for One, the one person who still seemed to support him, claimed that distressed child’s self-condemnation was his personal truth.

[aion-rsa]

Infinity Train and Manifestations of Trauma and Abuse

https://ift.tt/3b40KOO

In the third season of Infinity Train (subtitled Book 3), one single aspect among many sticks out: the shots of characters placing their hands on each other’s shoulders. In the crazy, random events that occur on this grandiose, mysterious train, characters reach out to each other, eager for connection, longing for trust, pining for affection. 

Then when certain revelations disrupt understood and accepted relationships, the  meaning and of these gestures shift. Suddenly, reaching out for others is dangerous, portrayed as movements of panic, fear, control, and manipulation. They become violations of personal space. These denials devolve into warnings, then threats, then all-out violence. Such events exemplify the theme and power of Infinity Train season 3. The show depicts the ways trauma and abuse manifest themselves, even in those we love, and the harrowing ways people have to elude the brunt of it.

Infinity Train’s overall development has been shocking, ingenious, and powerfully clever. It began as a broadly vague but character-specific fairytale of a young girl who had to face the truth of her past, and her relationship with her parents’ divorce, in which the train’s purpose could be distilled down into creating distinct worlds within each train car that provide assistance to help its troubled passengers become their best selves. The second season tore apart the premise and saw a mirrored doppelganger of the first season’s protagonists break free of their original train-car world, only to be confronted with the raw truth that the denizens of each car world serve no purpose but to advocate for the progress of the passengers.

 The third season pushes this notion even further by taking a closer look at Apex, a group of passengers who have in effect tossed aside the story, who thrive in the train with little concern for the denizens of the train worlds–the “nulls.” They aren’t looking to get better; or, more accurately, they believe the act of getting better consists of increasing their number (humans who arrive on the train are assigned a number that glows on their hands; as they perform acts of generosity, bravery, compassion, or overall acts of goodness, that number goes down. Once it reaches zero, they can go back home). To them, improving one’s moral or ethical perspectives towards a self-actualized sense of peace isn’t how one gets better. To the Apex, becoming a raw, primal, carefree agent of chaos is true Enlightenment. (The Apex also have a complicated belief system where the conductor of the train, a small robot named One-One, is “fake,” and the “real” conductor, a human that took over the train way back in season one, is the One True conductor.)

Grace and Simon, the leaders of the Apex, take their wards on occasional missions to other train cars where they loot, pillage, and destroy the world within them with glee. It’s brutal to watch, even if the denizens–the nulls”–are just anthropomorphic objects. On one particular mission, the train “shifts” (relocating the entire car, basically), leaving Grace and Simon to traverse the cars to get back to the Apex HQ. Along the way they meet a young girl named Hazel and her large, powerful, protective companion, a gorilla named Tuba, who has literal tubas connected to her. Hazel intrigues the Apex leads, partly because she’s human, and the Apex recruits humans, but partly because the number on her hand doesn’t glow, while the others humans’ numbers do. The course of the season at first is about venturing back to the Apex car while figuring out a way to get Hazel on the Apex side and ditch/dispose of Tuba.

In the course of this mission, however, Grace grows more and more affectionate towards Hazel, opening up to her about her past and establishing an “older sister” dynamic to the girl. Grace’s careful manipulations to pull Hazel away from Tuba and towards her ends up also bridging Hazel and Grace closer. Simon, however, gradually starts to feel pushed away, particularly in an episode where they meet Simon’s former companion, a cat named Samantha, who ran away from him when he was younger and at his most helpless. Grace apologizes to Simon for her neglect, but this moment also plants the seed in which Simon’s broken, vicious downfall begins. In the following episode, Simon begins to step up his direct challenges to Tuba, and while Grace tries her best to maintain some kind of peace, Simon finds a way to “wheel” Tuba–to essentially kill her.

It’s an explicit, horrifying moment, and Simon expresses no remorse. Hazel, completely distraught, rushes out, but when Grace follows, Hazel transforms into a strange, turtle hyrbid. Hazel is not human but a “null,” and the revelation instantly makes Simon a real, vicious threat if he were to find out. Now Grace has to use her skill for manipulation less as a mechanism for weaponizing and control, but as a tool for protection and survival. It’s genuinely nerve-wracking to watch Grace wrack her brain in subsequent episodes to keep Hazel’s truth a secret and to keep Simon off guard. It’s even harder as Hazel struggles to keep her true emotions at bay, bottled up due to the direct fear that Simon will kill her.

The human characters that traverse this train all struggle with some kind of personal failing or struggle, but the Apex’s worldview only exacerbates the issues. Grace, for her part, channelled her loneliness and isolation into crafty acts of desire and attention, and directing that towards Hazel inadvertently starting on the path to healing. But Simon never was afforded any potential outlet for compassion or empathy. We don’t get a backstory about him, but it doesn’t matter. Samantha “leaving” him traumatized him, and seeing her again triggers him in the very direct and honest sense of the word. With no real outlet to cope or learn (Simon doesn’t get a chance to really venture the cars to even somewhat develop; Grace at least seems to explore a bit), his trauma and pains festers, solidifying into three unhealthy, self-rewarding truths: a quasi-love for Grace, a power/status role in the Apex, and a misguided understanding in the purpose of the “true” conductor.

Read more

TV

How The Ren & Stimpy Reboot Reignited the Debate Around Animation Gatekeepers

By Kevin Johnson

So it’s inevitable that Simon wouldn’t care at all about Hazel’s loss, pain, and/or fear. Simon’s inability to provide support or empathy towards Hazel, not two episodes after Grace shows sympathy towards Simon’s traumatic relapse over losing his past “null” partner, is telling. Simon’s pain is based on what he believed to be his past partner’s betrayal and abandonment, which partly explains why he doesn’t trust nulls, but he also weaponizes his pain and trauma, wielding it the very ways abusers often do: guilt trips, passive-aggressive behaviors, snide and unsympathetic remarks (“I got through it, you should be able to, too” – never mind that no, Simon clearly has not “got through it”.)  

Simon’s more committed belief into the “real conductor” narrative suggests he copes with trauma through this belief structure (and also by pouring a deep amount of meaning and vulnerability into a quasi-romantic pursuit of Grace’s heart). Other people who interfere with either of those two things are automatic threats, and ultimately disposable. It explains why when Simon sees the memory of Grace telling Hazel to keep her secret under wraps, to keep it from Simon, he doesn’t see the raw threat of real violence he has become, but the victim of some kind of audacious conspiracy against him, particularly from the person he loves. 

Simon discovers the ability to “see” this memory by returning to Samantha and asking for help (Samantha possesses keener insights and access to the machinations of the train than most denizens). An uneasy, fraught alliance between them occurs when Samantha explains her past actions; while not ideal, at least had a reason. Simon asks her “why” Grace is shutting him out, but it’s remarkable how he literally can’t see–or refuses to see–the obvious: he “wheeled” someone, he terrorizes their new ward, his aggressive behavior, once proudly thrown at the nulls and worlds around him, has turned towards the one person he supposedly cares about. He’s become dangerous, but can’t grasp why people would be scared of him. 

It’s the ultimate in abuser mentality. It was always burgeoning in him: a white, male nerd-type (he is introduced painting figurines and writing a fantasy novel), epitomized in his ability to manipulate his own emotions and then callously kill Tuba. Simon’s surging toxic sense of masculine control builds in a slow-moving trainwreck manner: he’s made vulnerable when he sees his original betrayer (so he thinks), he challenges himself with a unnecessary wager (“I bet I can take Tuba”), faking new found affection for her until the point he can finish her off, and when not provided with the praise he thinks he deserves, believes everyone else is wrong to react this way. Amelia’s presence (the human who once took over the train but now finds herself wandering about to try and “fix” things to make amends), destroys his entire belief structure behind the false and true conductors, specifically, the very point of the numbers. “Numbers are power,” Simon says, ruefully. “Numbers are numbers,” Samantha shoots back, calmly. But to Simon, that can’t be. Simon is humiliated, but Grace is scared. That line about men’s biggest fear is being laughed at and women’s biggest fear is being killed? It feels apt.

Watching Simon become more hostile is difficult, but at the very least, Hazel is able to escape, leaving with Amelia to learn about herself. Grace is clearly hurt, but like with Hazel, Simon doesn’t understand why. And so he gets “grabby,” in the kind of possessive, jaw-dropping, cringey way that signals instant trouble. He snatches and pulls at her arm in one deeply dark moment; in the next episode, he shakes her by grabbing at her shoulders. The following episode, he callously tries to grab at her shoulder again for her attention, and this is the point where Grace swats his hand away and unloads on him. The argument is cut short though when Simon attacks her with her own memories, a sort of specific, literal type of gaslighting that nevertheless Grace manages to overcome (“So my memories are real until you don’t like them, then they’re fake?” Grace shoots at Simon at one point during the memory venture). 

Yet here is where my singular criticism of this season occurs. Grace relives both her distant and recent past and the show portrays Grace’s behavior and actions as personal fears of self-honesty instead of inherited techniques and actions to minimize and avoid Simon’s abusive reactions. Grace is far from infallible: her manipulations were self-serving early on, but she also recognized Simon as a threat at some level, so to portray this as a failing, even a little, feels disingenuous. Simon was kicking and punching at Amelia just one episode earlier, and it was a sound waves shield that protected the viewer from what very much would have been brutal. Grace was protecting all the parties involved to the best of her ability and to the best of her understanding of everything that she learned up until this point.

The final episode does address this, somewhat. Grace returns to Apex HQ a new, honest, introspective person (her number has shrunk considerably). But she finds herself at odds with the entire Apex crew, manipulated by Simon against her. They almost “wheel” her, but the Apex crew is mostly children, so they demure. But Simon confronts Grace with the uncontrolled anger he cultivated all this time. He says the words that all abusers say: “You made me do this,” attempting to force Grace to apologize for doing the very things she needed to do to ensure her and Hazel’s survival. Powerfully, Grace does say that while she made mistakes, the choices she made to lie to Simon to protect Hazel were not among them, and she stands by those, even when directly confronted with Simon at his most dangerous. She also refuses to apologize for Simon’s pain and conflicting emotional/violence state. Those two beats should have hit a bit harder though. This narrative beat emphasized what those moments for Grace really meant, not just for her, but as a broader response to the ways in which abusers justify their abuse.

Simon and Grace fight, and their battle is up-close and personal. Grace bests Simon but still saves him from being wheeled, but in the season’s most shocking moment, he pushes Grace off the train anyway. Grace, miraculously (and somewhat randomly, as it’s not common for random train denizens to leave their train worlds) is saved by a few nulls she helped restore to life; Simon, his number so high that it covers his entire face and body, is killed by a monstrous bug-creature that lives outside the wastelands that surround the train.. Grace, a changed woman whose number is now much lower than where it was when we are first introduced to her, tells her young Apex wards to seek out their own unique, special truths, and work to be better people so they themselves can be free.

Infinity Train’s greatness stems from its ability to open up its characters in the kind of ways that a lot of weighty, rich shows these days can do, like Bojack Horseman and Steven Universe, but it also possesses an inherent flaw that the writers are actually utilizing as a narrative crutch in rich, clever ways. From the question of how its train worlds portray and think of its denizens, to the question of whether the train’s purpose is genuinely beneficial, Infinity Train makes the argument that maybe it’s not. 

One-One, in past seasons, fixates on the humans’ pain, trauma, and problems as algorithms, as numbers that need to be solved. But as the Apex, Simon, and Grace showed, humans are messy, complex beings that can disrupt any premise or belief or narrative to justify their behavior and actions. Simon, prior to his final fight, yells to Grace, “Why would I ever want to change, when I’m always right!?” Trauma, pain, and abuse cannot always be solved with whimsy. One of the last shots of the season has Grace crying over Simon’s body. An Apex member places his hand on her shoulder. Perhaps an honest connection like that is truly what’s needed to be better people.

Infinity Train is available to stream on HBO Max now.

The post Infinity Train and Manifestations of Trauma and Abuse appeared first on Den of Geek.

from Den of Geek https://ift.tt/3gAj7Mz

[honeybee-babe]

How can you excuse all of the abusive things Luther has done to his siblings (especially Klaus) throughout the series? And don't pull the "he was drunk" card. And without implying that Luther locking up Vanya isn't intentionally cruel or intended to hurt her? He has the ability to think logically, unlike Vanya he isn't experiencing a literal psychotic break down.... Please, explain this to me logically. Thanks.

~ wowowowowowow i clenched my jaw all night thinking about this ask~~

Yikes. You’re not asking me why I “excuse his actions” (I don’t), you’re asking why I see him as a human being with flaws and trauma which need to be addressed rather than the literal devil. And why I don’t think he is irredeemable based on a few terrible choices (when he has also made some great ones and showed affection for his siblings in the past). I honestly think people hate Luther because it’s easier to have clearly good characters and clearly bad characters, even in a show that actively and artfully avoids that dichotomy.

Why do you care that I like Luther? I’m not bashing your faves or causing any harm to you? I am not trying to tell you to like him or convince you he is a great character. I know he has flaws. 

But if you really want to know how I “excuse all his actions” (which…. I don’t?), I’ll humor you, but I’m answering the question you’re really asking:

Why Do You Not Despise Luther?:

This response is really longwinded but THIS QUESTION IS REALLY OVER-SIMPLIFYING(!!!) so I feel it’s warranted.

First, I’m gonna address the “abusive things Luther has done to his siblings throughout the series:”

I am not excusing any of the things Luther “does to his siblings,” I’m just saying we should extend the same amount of courtesy to him in sympathizing with him and understanding the motive behind his actions (just like we all do with Vanya). And also consider the fact that he is deeply traumatized and has literally been gaslit his entire life into thinking he has to follow a specific model that was set out for him as “leader.” Literally he has been taught that he is nothing without the UA and being a leader, and I don’t think people release how damaging that is to a person?

But also hot take: I don’t think Luther is abusive towards his siblings at all? Not until the last two episodes for sure. I think he is insensitive towards others’ emotions at times, but he is never cruel just for the sake of being cruel. I honestly think Luther is incapable of picking up on emotional cues to some extent.

I’m re-watching right now, I just finished episode 7 and I have yet to see any signs of him being abusive towards the others, and not Klaus specifically? The choking scene was vile and physically violent but I don’t think it’s abusive because it was a one time thing and abuse is a cycle. Luther isn’t particularly awful to Klaus, he is just dismissive? The only person he ever is really verbally mean to is Diego when they get into fights and Diego is just as bad if not worse, and also intentionally tries to get an emotional rise out of Luther (which is…. just as awful and cruel?).

But yeah I finished episode 7 and no abuse so far… maybe my dumb ass who was abused for my whole life just doesn’t understand what abuse looks like? Okay that’s kind of a joke but I’m actually being serious, my abuse is pretty similar to Luther’s and my body dysmorphia/eating issues are similar to his too which is a lot of why I resonate with him, so I could be missing signs because I’ve probably acted the same way. So please point out to me where specifically he committed an act of abuse, and not a one time act of violence or simply being dismissive of/not picking up on someone’s emotional needs.

Also I honestly think Luther is just in denial of others’ emotional needs because he is in denial of his own emotional needs. He has been taught to push everything down, including the needs of others, with the only goal being completing the mission, and protecting everyone/leading everyone to safety. Also I mean, he hasn’t been around human beings for 4 years (so of course he struggles to relate to them/communicate healthily), and he was always taught not to engage with his siblings but just to lead them because that was his role.

Also Klaus and Diego (especially Diego) are just as dismissive of Luther’s trauma? And like yeah Luther covers it up but it’s pretty freaking obvious…pointing out how big he is specifically.

Diego literally sees Luther shirtless after the chandelier falls on him, sees how self-conscious he clearly is, and then never asks about it or checks on him (yet continues to joke about it – also Klaus makes fun of his muscles when he first sees him which is just insensitive). And in the first episode the way Klaus jokes around during the family meeting about cucumber sandwiches when Luther is trying to plan a memorial service; it’s obvious that Luther is grieving and paranoid (and also that he has been manipulated enough to love Reginald!!!) and Klaus is just making jokes and not addressing this? And then they both just ignore his obvious paranoia over Reginald’s death and just call him crazy and walk away? And don’t use the “he was high” excuse for Klaus being a prick (just like I can’t use the ‘he was drunk’ excuse for Luther, which I never did once btw, y’all just want more justification 2 hate on him).

Also: Yes, Luther tells Diego to stop talking shit about Reginald at the memorial service but like, from his perspective, that is someone bashing the person he was closest to AT HIS FUNERAL!!! He starts the fight with Diego but only after Diego provoked him, clearly intentionally, and Diego continues to fight him and throws a fucking knife at his arm (but physical violence is only not okay when Luther uses it right?).

Also HUGE THING Y'ALL ARE IGNORING: Klaus finds out Luther had nonconsensual sex while drugged out of his mind and congratulates him………. uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh idk about you but I think Klaus has been around the block when it comes to drugs and sex (and consent) and should realize that someone on drugs for the first time losing their virginity is nonconsensual, or even if considered consensual still pretty icky? Like Luther is clearly ashamed and upset and doesn’t want to talk about it and Klaus just laughs abt it. That is so not cool.

And another thing:

Luther is very, very protective of Five which is so so sweet, yet people just completely overlook it because they only want to see the bad things he’s done. When he and Allison run into him in the hallway at the end of Run Boy Run and see him looking distressed Luther asks him in a soft voice, “Are you okay? Can we help?” and reaches out to touch Five’s face. Five grabs his hand to stop him but this was very sweet? Like it’s clear Luther has a soft spot for him because he’s small.

But Diego? After he finds out about Patch he bursts into his apartment and goes to attack Five; Luther has to pick him up to restrain him from beating up their brother who has the body of a 13 year old. All because he blames him for the death of the love of his life (just like Luther is afraid of Vanya after she killed Allison). But in Diego’s case, Patch is already dead; Diego only wants to hurt Five out of vengeance, not because he’s trying to protect Patch. And he doesn’t apologize or anything after????? It’s just never brought up again!

SO IN TERMS OF LUTHER BEING AWFUL TO KLAUS THE WHOLE SEASON: is he? is he really? is he really abusive? and is he really that much worse than his other siblings?

And now I’ll address this nonsense:

“And without implying that Luther locking up Vanya isn’t intentionally cruel or intended to hurt her? He has the ability to think logically, unlike Vanya he isn’t experiencing a literal psychotic break down…. Please, explain this to me logically. Thanks.“

…….sigh.

Luther is absolutely not being intentionally cruel or doing this to “punish” Vanya, he’s doing this because he’s freaking the fuck out and doesn’t have any idea what she might do. Yes it’s a bad idea but we need to keep in mind that he’s not thinking logically, he is emotionally distressed. Yes he could talk to her but Allison had just tried to do that…. and look where the fuck that got her?

Do you seriously believe Luther was mentally stable and thinking logically in this moment? Do you not realize he was literally going through a breakdown and identity crisis of his own?

He just found out maybe two days ago that his entire life was a lie and the person whose approval he sought the most didn’t give a shit about him, found out he was isolated from humanity for no reason (which….. as if being isolated in itself wasn’t traumatic enough), after he was mutilated against his will, and now he has just witnessed the person he loves most almost die and he couldn’t do anything about it. Luther is experiencing a breakdown and I think a big part of it is control: he realizes he’s had no agency his whole life/has never had control, he just lost control/agency over his body on drugs even more and had nonconsensual sex while intoxicated, and then after this he sees Allison dying and he can’t do anything to help her (he can’t even give his blood)!!!! His superstrength and locking up Vanya is the only thing he has control over, he feels it’s all he can do to prevent the apocalypse/protect everyone. 

Not only that but the idea of control as contol over powers: Luther has super strength, he has to be super careful and controlled all the time so he doesn’t accidentally hurt the people he loves… the thought of someone’s powers being out of control is probably the scariest thing in the world to him. And yes, he gets in fights with Diego but he doesnt use his full strength (just like Diego doesn’t either) because if they did then they would actually hurt each other, they have a lot of control over their powers. But Diego can control his powers by just… not throwing things and having temper tantrums. Luther doesn’t need to be angry to fuck up with his powers, we see that in the very first episode when he punches the model airplane. Luther can never escape his powers and has to constantly control them, and the idea of uncontrolled powers is his worst fucking nightmare.

So Vanya tells him, “we got in an argument and things got out of control” … like just imagine what must be racing through Luther’s mind when he hears that!

Yes what he does in this scene is awful but you can’t convince me he is doing it with the intention of hurting her. Literally you can see in his eyes as he is choking her how pained he is by this. And he apologizes to her: why would he apologize to her if he was trying to hurt her? And if that was intention… why wouldn’t he just fucking kill her?

I absolutely don’t agree with his decision here but like…. he absolutely is going through a mental breakdown and it doesn’t just stop during The Day that Was/Wasn’t and to act like he is completely stable and in his right mind when he locks Vanya up is just grossly oversimplifying everything! 

Y’all demonizes him over this but completely overlook some of the awful things his siblings have done (Diego going to beat up Five because he blames him for Patch’s death, Vanya killing a ton of random people because she was locked up)…. Like yes: Luther is insensitive, dismissive, and cruel in this scene but it is not his intention to be cruel, it’s obviously his intention to control Vanya’s out-of-control powers, protect his siblings (esp. Allison), and prevent her from causing the apocalypse. It is awful and yes it is cruel but to act like he just doesn’t give a shit about Vanya and/or is doing it just to hurt her is just….. so beyond what the show is portraying.

And I get that you guys really despise him for this, and if you’re going to hate him, fine: but you completely overlook the terrible things all the other siblings do throughout the whole series and write Luther off as evil, which is not cool. Seriously, y’all portray Luther as the literal devil just so that your faves seem like infallible angels and your headcanons and fanfictions seem nicer and more simple………. and honestly I just can’t reason with you. I think some people just hate on Luther and love everyone else because his abuse situation is more complex and they’re just… literally too lazy to do the mental math, so they stick with stanning everyone else whose trauma is more obvious? Even though Luther covering up his trauma (literally) and refusing to talk about/deal with it is a huge plot point in the show, y’all perceive this as him just not having any trauma, or just overook how his trauma affects his actions.

This show isn’t supposed to be “everyone in the family are wonderful, perfect victims and deals with their trauma like angels EXCEPT LUTHER HE IS STOOPID AND EVIL AND ALSO HIS TRAUMA ISN’T DEEP ENOUGH!!!!!!!!!”…… and if you think this then I think you need to do some soul searching? Or actually do some research into abuse and learn that it comes in many different forms and has many different effects?

Again: I don’t dislike any of the siblings. I used them as examples but I love Diego, Klaus and Vanya!!! I respect and understand them all and view them all as troubled souls who are trying.

This show is complex and it’s designed to be uncomfy, and if you simply write it off as having clear victims and villains (except Reginald, he a dick) then you are not respecting the writing or giving the show justice. 

Gerard Way says he wrote Luther based on his own experience of body dysmorphia, isolation….. the show designers say he has self-harmed before, and Tom Hopper has said Luther has been suicidal in the past…. but you know what, go on portraying his trauma as “having it easy” and using violence/cruelty just for fun, even though the show clearly portrays him as a broken man.

~