#listen to Nasty Majesty

[5hark-byt3]

Ik I said I was gonna draw 4 but that’s a problem for later me, take this instead😼💅

(I may or may not finish it idk tho)

[gaysheep]

splatoon has such a sincerity to it that i think a lot of games lack it's such a love letter to art in a way that shines through every aspect of its presentation

the hip hop and street fashion of splatoon arent thoughtlessly tacked on because the developers think those things appeal to kids; the fashion direction came from the art team doing life drawing in the city. the music team so clearly has an actual love for hip hop and a solid grasp of its genre conventions

when something is so sincere and reverent it's incapable of being lame

[nanenna]

Detective Work on the Other Side

We getting into my own HCs now, enjoy the lore!

Sleep King Master post (it should actually work this time)

---

It felt weird sitting in the Specter Speeder as Phantom with his parents. It wasn’t that long ago that he’d finally told his parents himself, but just like Jazz had said they’d loved and accepted him as is. Danny was still getting used to it.

Danny pointed out the windshield, “That island there should be good.” It was little more than an oversized boulder with some grass on it, but it was big enough for the speeder and was pretty close to Johnny and Kitty’s lair, so it would do. Once they landed, the three Fentons disembarked so Danny could let the lovers out of Soup Time.

“Ugh, finally!” Johnny griped once they were set free.

Danny crossed his arms, “How do you keep getting into Amity? We put extra protections on the portal, no one should be able to get through.”

“Your dinky portal isn’t the only one in the whole world,” Kitty said with an eye roll.

“You just gotta know where to look,” Johnny added with a wink.

“Well stop it! I don’t want to have to repeat a grade!”

“Then stop chasing us. Jeez, no one’s forcing you.”

“Danny, sweetie,” Mom interrupted, “ask them about the summoning.”

“Summoning?” Kitty asked, perking up.

“It’s really concerning,” Dad said while scratching his head.

“Yeah, I was asleep so I don’t really remember it but I got summoned last night.”

“How’d you sleep through a summoning?” Kitty asked incredulously with a sneer.

Johnny just nodded, “Damn, wish I could sleep through a summoning.”

“I don’t know!” Danny threw his hands up in the air. “The really weird part is they were trying to summon Pariah!”

That got Johnny and Kitty to stop laughing. “Oh shit, really?”

“Johnny! Don’t cuss around the baby!” Kitty smacked his arm lightly.

“You owe the swear jar,” Dad boomed eagerly.

Johnny just rolled his eyes.

“That’s what we were told,” Mom cut in. “There was a cult that was trying to summon the Ghost King and somehow got Danny.”

“Wait, were they trying to summon Pariah by name or the Ghost King title?” Kitty asked eagerly.

“Ghost King,” Mom said decisively.

“Oh no,” Danny said. His grades may be in the toilet, but even he could put two and two together. “No, there’s no way I’m the Ghost King!”

“Maybe,” Kitty said while looking Danny up and down.

“Not like it means anything,” Johnny said airily.

Danny thought the matter over, “How does it not mean anything?”

“Well Pariah just declared himself the Ghost King one day, others only listened because he forced them to. And it’s not like we need a king, we’ve had the council ever since.”

“Ugh, stupid eye balls,” Danny griped. “But yeah, if he just decided to make himself king I guess it doesn’t really mean anything.”

Mom sighed deeply, “You mean like Alexander the Great? Or Ghengis Khan? Or William the Conquerer? Or anyone else from history who declared himself in charge and then killed anyone who didn’t listen?”

Danny drooped, “Okay, so maybe it does matter. But how would that even work? Why am I the Ghost King now?”

“Dunno,” Johnny said with a shrug. “It’s not like you even have the crown or ring.”

“No, Pariah still has the ring and last I saw the crown Vlad had it.”

“Good old Vladdie,” Dad boomed eagerly, “holding onto a powerful artifact like that to keep it safe!”

“So shouldn’t Vlad be the new Ghost King?” Danny asked with a shudder.

“Well the summoning circle thinks you earned the title somehow, so I guess it’s you now.” Johnny snickered as he got on his bike, Kitty quickly hopping on behind him. “Anyway, see ya ‘round, your majesty.” Johnny sneered the last part, then the pair both laughed like Johnny had just told the best joke ever as he zoomed off.

“Well I’m proud of you!” Dad slapped Danny’s back so hard he face planted. “Fighting that nasty Ghost King was really brave of you, and look at you now! Our boy, the Ghost King!” Dad wiped away a tear of deep paternal pride.

Danny had already floated himself up off the ground and dusted himself off, completely unharmed. “Thanks Dad, that means a lot.” And it really did! He was used to his parents being proud of him, not for his grades obviously, but just… in general. Or something. To have his dad say he’s proud of things Danny did as Phantom just… hit different.

“Is there anyone we can ask about this? The council that ruffian mentioned?” Mom looked thoughtful.

“Ugh no, the council hates my guts for some reason.”

“Well… if they’ve been in charge since Pariah was put in the sarcophagus and you’re the king now, maybe they feel threatened?” Dad asked, rubbing his chin.

“That’s probably it, sweetiepie. They’re just threatened by you.” Mom gently pat his arm.

“That’s so weird! I don’t even want to be king, I’d probably be a terrible one anyway.”

Dad gasped, “Danno! That’s just not true! Sure, you’re a bit young to be king now, but in a few years I bet you’d be a great king!”

“Pass.” Danny did not want to add a crown to his disaster of a life. Especially if it meant he’d have to be a bully to make others listen to him anyway, it’s not like anyone listened to Pariah.

“So honey, anyone else we can ask about the Ghost King? Or summoning circles? I’m really worried about you randomly getting summoned by creepy cults.” And boy, did Mom have a point about that! Yikes!

“Uh… maybe Frostbite?” The yeti did keep calling him “Great One” and that had to mean something, right? And if not he could hopefully point them in the right direction.

“Wonderful!” Mom chirped as she started herding Danny back into the Speeder. “And along the way you can answer a few small questions about your fight with Pariah.”

“I’m sorry about taking the Ecto-skeleton without asking,” Danny blurted out, face turning green as it grew colder.

“It’s alright, baby boy,” Mom pinched his cheek, “we understand why you did it and why you felt you had to at the time. But never do it again, okay?”

“Yeah,” Danny said miserably as they got back into the speeder. Once Danny had pointed them in the direction of the Far Frozen, he sat criss cross applesauce in the air. “So uh… questions?”

“Oh yeah! What questions did you have, fudgecakes?”

“Well…” Mom started but hesitated before continuing slowly. “This sounds like it might be a right of conquest situation.”

Danny had no idea what that meant. Well he knew what the words individually meant, and he had a pretty good idea what the phrase meant generally, but he had no idea what the rules or details were.

“Was this an official challenge?” Mom asked when Danny only stared blankly at her.

“Uh… maybe?” Danny tried thinking back to the fight, “What would make it an official challenge?”

“Did the Ghost King say he accepted your challenge? Or challenge you?”

“He uh…” Danny tried to remember the times he’d bantered with Pariah. “He said he accepted my terms,” Danny said with a squeak near the end.

Mom just nodded, “Right, so it sounds like a challenge. And did you take his crown at any point in the fight?”

Danny tried to remember the end of the fight, and well… “Yeah, I knocked it off him right before shoving him back into the sarcophagus. But Vlad had the key that actually locked it, and then he had the crown the last time I saw it.”

“Danny, sweetie, Vlad didn’t challenge the Ghost King to single combat, and he didn’t take the crown as part of that challenge.”

“Oh,” was all Danny could say as the realization of what he’d unwittingly done sank in. “Well… shit.”

[gremlingottoosilly]

The Horror and The Wild [Emperor!Konig x fem!Reader] Medieval Fantasy AU (ch.4)

You had a nice, simple life. Serve the princess, obey the princess, protect the princess with your life. You never thought that this nice, simple life would bring you to be kidnapped by the infamous Northern Emperor. Konig never thought that kidnapping a wife would be much easier than courting one.

CHAPTER 1 CHAPTER 2| Chapter 3| Chapter 4| you're here! AO3 Word count: 3469 Tags/Warnings: Medieval fantasy/Alternative European history AU, Age gap, Enemies(one-sided)to lovers, Hurt/Comfort, Kidnapping, Forced marriage, Size difference(Konig is absolutely huge), Somewhat one-sided slow burn, Yandere Konig Warnings for this chapter: Dub-con oral sex(f!receiving), outdated views regarding sex

— Now, dear princess, your husband will expect certain…qualities of his wife. Please, you must listen to this as closely as possible if we want to avoid…traumas. 

You pout, eating the apple that was provided to you by a group of servants who looked way too scared to be appointed to a princess. If Her Highness saw this, she would order them whipped – a servant shall never look unhappy in front of their patron, as not to invoke nasty feelings of sadness, misery, and empathy in the royal rulers. Princess made you smile and laugh through hours of her extensive, albeit a bit improvised and amateur, singing. You were to hold her hair while she was doing it, listening to the melodies of desire to escape the castle. 

The servants in front of you were sent by the Emperor – König, to…teach you something. You were not too interested in his, way too invested in weird fruits from foreign countries that they provided – still, you are too well-mannered to ignore them. 

— Traumas? Is his Emperor’s Illustrosicy going to torture me? 

Servants look over at each other, nervous. You tilt your head to the side, trying to see if you can decipher their gazes – but you see nothing but sympathy. Sad, miserable kind. Your blood runs cold as you get another bite of that apple. 

— You’re as innocent as Emperor said, your Majesty. 

You weren’t, in reality – you’re a liar, a traitor to your nation, the only one of the servants who was too scared to die alongside the royal family and performed that foolish gamble in order for a chance to save your hide. Such silly things like an untouchable hymen between your legs or lack of knowledge of intimacy, saved for a few books, are nothing compared to the life you are saving in your mind, There is nothing innocent about you or your actions. 

— W…well, you see…you are of child-bearing age. 

That was up for discussion. You might be an adult by all standards, a bit too ripe even, too sheltered for the age in which young men are already taking their family’s businesses and women are giving birth to their second and third children, but it doesn’t mean you want to bear someone’s kid. Definitely not conceive from a man who destroyed your future. 

— I won’t do it. 

You act like a princess would – bratty and pouty, all the new dresses and the room they place you in acting like a perpetuar of your ego. 

— My Lady, this isn’t up for discussion. Please, we need to…we need to teach you how to do it, in order to prevent…accidents. 

— What accidents? 

The other servant, an older lady with tired eyes and snappy gestures, took out a pile of drawings from the bag she was holding. Quite a lot of drawings. Quite detailed drawings. Quite nasty drawings. 

Quite…bloody drawings. 

Gods, is this what a woman must endure during lovemaking? Is this even lovemaking, or is this a dissection straight from the medical book? The drawings are lewd and horrifying – whoever was the artist, they didn’t spare the details of the act. Pain, blood, torn flesh…god, if they wanted you to learn how to take your husband properly, they did a horrible job – now you don’t ever want to see him again. Not without armor plates protecting…that thing. 

— I w…won’t do it. Behead me this instant.

Your voice is weak, horrified. Servants look equally scared. 

— Your Majesty, you must know that it’s just…the worst outcome. If you listen to your lessons and relax, you will escape such a fate. 

— How could a living being relax while they are being impaled on a spear?!

— With certain balms and extracts, such fate can be escaped. 

— How can a balm prevent this?! Too angry to ever listen to the servants, you drip the drawings from your hands, along with a half-eaten apple. Un-ladylike, but you need to preserve your life – and your dignity – before they would show you even more horrifying things that would never let you sleep again. Tugging on the heaviness of your skirt, you ran to the nearest hallway as soon as possible. 

The emperor’s palace is disgustingly big and dark – you’d say it was magnificent in that scary, gothic style, but you don’t have the time to think about all the artistic choices that the architects made by installing so many dark hallways in a place that suppose to protect Emperor from possible assassins. Still, you drop to the nearest dark corner, hoping that no one will follow you. 

With a calm sigh, you brush the dust from your skirts. God, you had to bring that apple with you – it was delicious. 

— I never heard anyone calling my cock  a spear before, Liebling. You’re full of surprises. 

Big, gloved hands are enveloping your waist, putting you in the hug you didn’t want. This embrace is all too familiar and too terrifying – you forget that this castle serves the only true owner, and your desire to escape will never be considered an option. Like a rabbit in the wolf’s mouth, you freeze. The worst company you could expect after such a horrifying lesson – your only hope is that, like men from the novels you and Princess were reading sometimes, The Emperor was into his comrades more than he would be into you. 

His warm hands, pulling you into a tight hug against his body, however, make you think otherwise. 

— Let go of me! Pl…please. 

You plead because the drawings installed a new fear into your body. You're not afraid of death – if anything, you wish for it. However, the fait of constant pain and suffering which each nightly visit makes you more terrified than any death sentence would. 

König only laughs, holding you as close to him as possible. A warm hand grazes over your stomach, making you shiver from anticipation. You don’t know what he is thinking about – you also don’t want to. 

— Why would I let go of my precious wife? 

— I’m not your wife yet. 

— And won’t be for quite a while, considering the lessons my servants taught you? 

Blood drains from your face. Even the slightest reminder makes you whimper – like a puppy without its mother, you let go of a pathetic little sound, and your face finds comfort in the armor plates that Knog wears even in many of his castles. Cold metal makes you slightly calmer, and you can force the dreams of touching his chest instead of deep in your mind. Bane to all the lewdness, as you saw the amount of blood it would drain from your body. 

— I will never succumb to such fate. 

— I promise it won’t be that bad. I can whip my servants for installing fear in you if you want to, little princess. 

No matter how scared they made you feel, you will never bestow such fate on any of the servants – you, perhaps, the only one who knows how hard and horrible work as a lady in waiting might be. You might not be the perfect princess, but you certainly aren’t a cruel one. 

— No. They…they shall not be harmed, Your Majesty. 

He chuckles, pushing a hand on your face. A few tears fall down your cheeks – he drains them with his gloved finger, making you whimper only more. God, you look divine like this – eyes are glistening with tears, the face is hot from fear and embarrassment, the mouth is open with a sweet little pout…it takes every last inch of his self-control not to simply pick you up and bring you to his bedroom before you could say anything. 

— You’re kind for a princess. 

There is suspicion in his voice – but you quickly try to brush it away by forcing yourself out of his embrace. Unfortunately, he only holds you tighter, making you bury your face in his armor again. To be honest, it’s not the worst place to be. 

— Shouldn’t you be in the courtroom? 

— I ran. Never liked to greet new people. 

You almost choke on your breath. Is he serious?! His face betrays his emotions – despite how confident his mask is, you can see that his eyes are colder than usual. More nervous than usual. His hands are shaking, if only for a little bit, holding you tight, as you can simply escape through his fingers like sand. You’d love to have such powers. 

— I thought the Emperor had responded. 

— I do. And an army of men to do these responsibilities for me. 

— You’re hiding from my country’s Ambassadors? 

— Collaborators and traitors of your people, yes. The only ambassador I care about is in my hands. 

With this, he quickly pushes you up in his hands, forcing you to sit on the cold stone ledge. The new dress design makes it possible to manipulate and move the skirt as he pleases – you hate this new fashion because it makes it ridiculously easy for König to simply push your skirt upwards, revealing your legs and your dignity, concealed by only a pair of short, frilly white underpants with so many bows and ribbons, it feels obscene. 

You try to kick him in the face, but he catches your ankle before you can do anything. He was a horrible, terrible man – totally unfit for the ruler of half of the world, you have no idea how a man this villainous could still be held in high regard for his people. This place is just as barbaric as their ruler, you presume – no dignity or sense of taste as König holds your skirt up, tearing apart the delicate fabric. God, it probably cost a fortune! 

Emerald green fabric lays like green ocean waves under your legs. You must admit, even the cold of the inner parts of the palace does not make you feel uncomfortable – if anything, this moment of exposure of your legs makes you feel a bit more comfortable and fresh. The light breeze caresses your legs, and you almost want to close your eyes and just enjoy wearing clothes without the stuffiness of the full gown. 

With your corset, torn skirt, and underpants, you almost feel like you’re wearing pants – an obscene picture, you assume, a lady should never show her ankles to anyone but her husband…and you would do everything to stop him from being marked as one. Still, König places his large imposing body between your legs, and you panic immediately – is this monster terrible enough to show you what those illustrations meant, not even in the comfort of a marriage bed, but in the coldness of the stone hallway? You close your eyes, kicking him to your heart’s content – and he is laughing every time you’re trying to resist, only catching both of your ankles in his grip and forcing them open. God, this is the end. Torture that you never wanted to experience will be bestowed upon you right about…

His tongue goes to rub you through the rough fabric of your underpants. Dispute all the layers of expensive material, your maidenhood feels like it had been set on fire. 

You are suddenly aware of the silly things you have between your legs. You can feel them too well right now – every second of movement of his tongue against sensitive flesh makes your legs kick him less and less. Your nails are trying to dig into the stone of a small ledge you were sitting on – but you can’t do anything to stop this sweet torture he is perpetuating. You want for everything to stop this instant, and you want for him to finally take off your undergarments. 

— Wh…wha…what are you doing?! You don’t scream as loud as you can, only because you know that the maids are nearby and you don’t want to be making a scene. Putting the emperor back in his place and revealing him as a pervert would be nice, of course – but it wasn’t as nice as having your dignity saved. You bite your lips, feeble attempts to save at least parts of yourself – still, you feel like you’re being boiled alive by his masterful tongue, without even the need to bring your pants down and feel him on your flesh directly. 

— I want to show you how nice this could be. 

— How nice what could be?! You are still kicking your legs, and he is slowly taking down the fabric of your underpants. You wish he had exposed hair so you could tug on it – you wish he wasn’t afraid of showing you his face, just so you could break it properly. A lady should always protect her virginity from a man with evil intentions, and König was certainly the most evil person of them all. 

Still, his tongue felt so good, circling around the parts you were only finding accidentally, blindly searching for pleasure like a dumb kitten, trying every little button in your body to see what would make you squirm. He is masterful at this, every action is deliberate and strong – every little thing in his movements makes you wonder just how many women he bedded. 

You can still feel the little tremble in his hands, his fingers that supported you and kept your legs apart are trembling, if only just a bit – you wonder if he truly is nervous about everything he is doing or if he just wants to make everything perfect. His touch leaves a trail of bruises on your inner thighs and you never thought that you’d yearn for a man whose touch is literally hurting you. 

— I know how to make… consumation go painless, little princess. Certainly have the experience for this. 

— Is fondling my undergarments a part of this experience, Your Highness? 

— If you wish for me to lost my control, little princess.

Before you could say anything else about not wanting for him to simply take off your underpants and throw them on the cold floor of the castle, he had already lowered them to hang around your ankles – revealing your sensitive folds, already glossy and wet from all the fondling he performed to make you nice and ready for him. 

König knew he shouldn’t be doing this – losing control would be too easy in this case. Little princess, out of her own depth, can barely stop him when he wants to take something precious from her – still, he wanted to at least try to be slower, softer, to make everything perfect and make her his precious trophy. Her dread over bedding him would prove horrible for their marriage – if she didn’t wish for the workers to be saved, he would already sent those dumb maids away. 

Princess is adult enough to learn the pleasures of being a woman – still, he understood why a king would want to hide a precious flower like this. You don’t behave like a spoiled brat would, no matter how much you want to make him think you were nothing but a pouty face and frowned brows, and he wants to see your true self – your inner nature, revealing itself in front of him. And he knows just a way to do this…

Your cunt is perfect – he is a soldier, a man of war and little romance, he can’t sing you a song of how beautiful and perfect your maidenhood is, but he can lick it and tease it and make you come on his tongue more than you ever could with that dainty fingers of yours. 

He isn’t ashamed of touching your sweetness when he is burning his face between your legs. Not even caring that his hood, which he had to draw back as fast as possible, is going to get messy with all o your juices, he licks and tugs on your clit, your folds, on every sensitive bit of skin of your body. 

And, by god, are you sensitive? 

Soon, your little cries of pleasure are turning into moans that you are pathetically trying to hide. Soon you are marking his rough, rugged face wet with your juices – his nose is pressed on your clit constantly, and that well-mannered, perfectly bred royal woman in your body is moaning like a common whore. 

König isn’t trying to be too gentle – his mind is filled with that boyish nerves and anxiety, the fear of getting spotted not because anyone would have anything to say to the literally fucking emperor, but because he doesn’t want anyone else to see how easily he can drown little princess in pleasure. She is a perfect girl, so pretty for him, so nice and wet when he pushes his tongue in and out. 

He forgot the last time he experienced such pleasure – his dick only grows with each gentle stroke of tongue in your folds, and he doesn’t even need to touch himself. You’re perfect for him, writhing under his touch, he had to force himself to stop putting too much pressure on your poor swollen clit. König almost forgot just how sensitive you are – he had to introduce you slowly to the world of pleasure, not pushing you into the depths before you could even get married, but…well, he was never one to follow the rules – and you, as his precious bride, deserved something nice outside of the wedlock. 

— St…stop, it’s t’ much…

You are mumbling, holding his hood in your hands, and he is almost afraid you are going to pull it to reveal his face even more – but even your ruined skirt is enough of a cover to make his identity concealed, and he isn’t afraid of pushing your gummy walls with his tongue, gently caressing your insides. 

You are clenching around his tongue, the intrusion is unfamiliar to you – he makes sure he kisses your clit from time to time, holding the sensitive bud between his teeth so as to threaten you gently. He usually involves a lot more biting and would love to put some permanent marks on your thighs and soft lower tummy, but if you were scared of the drawings those dumb maids put on to you, he doesn’t want to fuel your fear any further. He could try later, making your perfect body into a canvas for his desire. 

— Patience is a grace for a princess, ja? Be patient, Meine Liebe. 

— Pl…please, stop, I don’t…

— What is it? 

— It’s too much, you shouldn’t…

— I’m not claiming you yet. God won’t be against a bit of fun, Schatzi. 

— I’m against it…

— Your moans tell another story, little princess.

He knows you don’t want to be patient – he tugs at every nerve inside your body, his tongue swings in and out, and his lips caress your soft folds, collecting any juice that might be escaping. He will have to gift you another dress after this – but he is so used to seeing you in torn clothes it becomes a thing that stirs his manhood again and again. You look perfect when you’re not perfect – by god, he is unable to control himself. 

You whine lightly as he presses a final kiss to your clit, catching your orgasm and drinking your pleasure. He is a messy eater through and through – his stubble makes you whimper from sensitivity, you sob lightly as he pushes back, a hood returning to conceal his face before your dazed eyes would be able to catch him. 

Hell, you look precious. 

Panting, with sweat beads glossy on your skin, with your lips open and moans escaping it – with your face completely turned into an expression of enormous pleasure, he doesn’t know what to do with himself as he watches you breathe heavily, chest going up and down. If he could, he would chain you to a bed in his bedroom, not ever allowing your precious figure to escape. 

He might just do this when you’re married.

You whimper under him, your eyes are still glazed with that pleasurable expression, making him smile under his hood. You may hate him all you want, but he sees the truth – knows just how perfect you are in your stubborn desire to defy him. 

— Wh…what was it? 

You are still shocked but regain some of your senses – you take on your underpants quickly, stubbornness spreading across your warm, embarrassed face. How he loves that expression. 

— I wanted to show you that our wedding night wouldn’t be as bad. 

— I would rather live without a wedding night, Your Majesty. 

— Now, was it that bad? 

You tilt your head to the side. 

— I am not here to feed your ego. 

— You’re sure it is feeding my other senses. 

He brushes his hand over your face. You allow him to – not because you wanted his touch, but because you needed some time to think, and his touch was gentle enough to ignore. Yes. That is the truth.

[starshadyy]

what your favorite splatoon character says about YOU!

obligatory “this is a joke” disclaimer, please don’t take offense i’m only being silly👉👈

☆ ★ ☆

callie: you are a diehard squid sisters fan. you have an intrinsic sense for design and are probably super creative. you hate it when people misinterpret her. others wouldn’t assume it, but you actually need therapy more than most others on this list…😔

marie: you’re really intimidating but probably super nice. you’re actually good at the game and are well-versed in the meta. you may not be the best at communication, but you have a strong intuition and are good at reading people

pearl: an absolute feral crackhead who needs to be kept on a leash. definitely queer. nasty majesty is your national anthem. you breathe life and energy into every situation you enter, and others appreciate you for it. you are pearlina’s strongest soldier! 🩷🩵

marina: you are a massive nerd /affectionate. you either wanna be her friend or you have a fat crush on her. you listen to splatoon ost all the time. your room is packed with stuff from the media you like, including mountains of plushies

shiver: you join her team during splatfests even when you don’t necessarily agree with the platform. you’re likely very sarcastic and always speak your mind. oh yeah, and you’re a weeb

frye: you loved her from the start and defended her honor back when everyone was clowning on her design. you’re very talented but humble about your accomplishments. you would bite someone if allowed

big man: you act laid back but are probably filled with anxiety. i get the vibe that you would own an unconventional pet of some kind [turtle, frog, ferret, etc.]. you’re for sure the mom friend. you know nothing about splatoon lore

captain 3: you are the BACKBONE of this fandom and i have nothing but respect for you. you’re probably ranked pretty high in competitive and are likely a completionist

agent 4: you grew up on splatoon 2 and were sure that they would show up in side order only to be… uh, half right? i’m so sorry sweet prince /gn. don’t you worry, your day [splatoon 4] is fast approaching…

eight: you’re very analytical and derive great joy from the story aspects of splatoon. you either write or read fanfiction and maybe cosplay too. you LIVE for the found family trope, and also probably ship them with captain 3. you have amazing taste :]

neo agent 3: you think lil buddy is the most adorable creature to walk the planet. you wish their initial outfit was actually accessible in the game. you’ve probably only played splatoon 3

cap’n cuttlefish: you’re an og who’s been around since splatoon 1 but still know next to nothing about the lore. you don’t main a weapon, and instead prefer to bounce around. you are… an inscrutable crackhead who i want to study

dj octavio: you’re willing to die on the hill that he is not a villain and only did what he did to support his people [you’re right btw]. you’re actually really chill and fun and i have a lot of respect for you. also, i’m liable to believe that you ship him with cuttlefish, don’t you? DON’T YOU?!?

commander tartar: you’re… ME??? villainous characters are always your favorites. you think octo expansion is a masterpiece [and you’re entirely right]. you’re a splatoon scholar and scour every obscure twitter post and artbook note to satiate your hunger for that sweet sweet lore. there’s something deeply wrong in your head.

mr. grizz: you play a lot of salmon run but are actually kinda bad at it [shhh i won’t tell]. you suffered through after alterna just for his backstory log and the bear ears. i’m going to go out on a limb here and say… you have daddy issues

smollusk: you LOVE the idea that marina and pearl are its adoptive moms. you’ve beaten side order with every palette. you overuse the “🥺” emoji. you miiight be a little annoying, but your heart is in the right place… probably

acht: either the chillest person you’ll ever meet or the most insane. probably both. you’re 100% queer and probably neurodivergent too. i bet you listen to will wood and / or tally hall. i wanna be your friend

harmony: you know every chirpy chips song by heart. you’re probably really sweet and i know you make banger fanart. you have an affinity for cute things and i bet your favorite pokémon type is fairy. DEFINITELY neurodivergent.

cq cumber: ???you both confuse and frighten me!!! what can i even say? you’re a cryptid! but honestly, you’re kinda iconic. i salute you, you freak of nature🫡

iso padre: I LOVE YOU. you’re accepting of all people and are just an absolute saint in general. daddy issues, but you’re coping way better than the grizz fans. also, i’m betting that you’re neurodivergent

sheldon: i didn’t think you existed, but turns out that you do? you actually listen to his rambles. splatoon 2 is your favorite game in the series. you’re able to see the value in things that others tear down and y'know what? i respect that [not saying i approve of your character choice though]

judd: wait, why him? ohh wait, i know! you probably just don’t care about splatoon’s story at all and / or love cats. there, that’s totally it, right?

lil judd: you either DON’T know his lore and just like the cute little kitten, or you DO know his lore and you’re unhinged. i’m scared of you

spyke: you’d bark for him without hesitation and DON’T pretend you wouldn’t. you clown. you absolute freak. i know what you are. /j

murch: if i had to bet, you’re probably the shy type who prefers to let others do the talking for them. you might secretly be a little freaky though, and i think you should embrace that side of yourself. you’re safe here. be free.

[zoeykallus]

Hm? A note?

*opens the note and reads*

“I kindly request a Pheromones but with Tech with a mix of predator and prey into this nasty smut. But if you do not want to do this that is fine with me your majesty.”

Finally! Someone's asking me for unhinged Tech Smut 🔥🤩🔥🥵 I feel like I've waited for this one for years 😱

And I had so much trouble writing and editing my draft 😅😭 A lot of hours later: "I'm not happy with what I did here 😓

Warnings: SMUT/Sex Pollen Trope/Unhinged Tech/ Shy Tech Turning Feral/Dubious Consent(!11!1!!)/PiV/Oral/Groping/Biting/Pining/Pinning Down/Restraining/Plus Short Dirty Dream Sequence/Angsty/Creampie/Messy/Fluff (Believe it or not)18+

_____________

Ko-Fi (If you feel like giving me some coffee)

_____________

>Master List<

____________________

AC: This is very feral Tech, Reader is definitely having fun, but there are possible triggers, so mind the warnings!!! This one is dancing heavily on some very thin lines concerning consent and pleasure/pain. I wasn't even sure if I should post this. Guess there was a lot of pent-up smutty stuff left in my mind about this guy. Okay I tamed the original version down, a good bit, I think it was a tiny bit too much. But still, this is pretty messy.

Update: damn it, I changed this draft so often now, I don't know if it's still readable...

_____________________

Wrecker, who playfully bumps into his helmet, nearly knocks Tech off balance. Tech glares angrily at his brother through the lenses of his goggles, but finally sighs and turns back to his holopad. Again and again, his gaze sneaks from his holopad to you, watching Hunter talk to you. Today, you and Tech are to complete a mission, just the two of you. A more or less simple exploration tour. His heart beats faster just thinking about it. You've been traveling with CF99 for a while now, and Tech has had a crush on you practically since day one. You smell good, you're pretty, you're curious, and you always listen to him so intently. He's been blown away from the beginning by your little laugh, the smile, the way you talk, how your fingers move when you're lost in your thoughts. Tech takes in so many little things, by now he knows so much about you, so many wonderful little things that he admires, almost idolizes. But as straightforward and logical as Tech actually is, he can be just as shy.

He hardly dares to exchange a word with you that has nothing to do with work, he hardly dares to look you in the face. So often he has dreamed of you, of touching, kissing and even more, things that have done wild things to his mind and hormones. But he can't bring himself to do it, just doesn't dare touch you. So many times he had been close to just gently touching your hand, or sliding a little closer when you were sitting next to each other, but each time he has backed down. Tech wouldn't know how to deal with you, in theory he's already read everything there is to know about intimacy, romance and the like, but the practice is somehow so damn seductive but also so incredibly scary for him. What if you reject him? What if he kisses you, and it's bad? What if you feel nothing when he kisses you? What if his touches leave you cold? What if he does something wrong, scares you away, or leaves you unsatisfied? With all these questions, his guts tighten, and a heavy pressure builds on his chest. This is a challenge that can't necessarily be tackled with logic. Love doesn't really feel logical, but it feels intense, Tech thinks silently. Another light bump against Tech's helmet snaps him out of his thoughts.

"Cut it out, Wrecker!" "Come on, you two finally alone again? This time you have some guts!" the giant rumbles. Tech hastily glances over at you, but you're still engaged in conversation with Hunter, then he looks at Wrecker and nervously waves his holopad around. "Keep it down, Wrecker, she can't hear this!" he whispers energetically. Wrecker rolls his eyes and laughs softly, "You're way too nervous, I think she likes you a lot too" Tech pauses in his tense movement and asks, "Oh yeah, did she say anything?" "No, but that one particular smile, she only smiles at you like that". Tech's gaze darts back in your direction and that's when he sees it, that smile, his face gets all hot, and he hastily turns back to the holopad in his hands. "You're such an idiot," Wrecker grumbles, "She's smiling heavenly at you, and you're staring at your holopad" "Shut up, please, Wrecker," Tech says tensely.

The others are on their way, doing their jobs. Tech is finally alone with you. His knees are soft, he feels slightly shaky, and his pulse is permanently slightly elevated, but he's more in control than he suspected. Tech puts on the helmet he customized for you and says, "This helmet has an air filter, just like mine. We don't know what to expect yet, so we'll play it safe." He explains as you look at him questioningly through the visor. He can't really see your face, but he always senses when you look at him. Actually he is annoyed about the helmet, just because he can't see your beautiful face, but Tech also wants to protect you and when you are moving among unknown flora and fauna, this helmet is actually indispensable. "Okay," you say, groping for the helmet with both hands, an unfamiliar feeling. "Don't take the helmet off outside, please," Tech says gently but firmly, "We don't know much about the plants and animals in the area yet" You give him a thumbs up and say, "Okay, got it. We're good to go as far as I'm concerned" Along the way, you carefully take some samples of various plants, take holo-images of the environment, and look at various species of animals from a safe distance. You listen with fascination as Tech comments on some of your observations. It's so nice to spend time alone with him, you like the way he looks out for you.

You discover a cave that is riddled with glowing crystals and mushrooms. You put on your gloves because Tech told you to. "We'd better not touch anything with our bare hands for now," he notes. You nod and reply, "Sounds reasonable." With a gloved finger, you poke a neon-red glowing, thick mushroom, which then begins to blink and emit a thin cloud of spores. Tech leans over and says, "See, this is why we have the helmets, we don't know what these spores might do, hallucinations, fevers, toxic reactions..." You nod and say still intrigued, "It's blinking, like an alarm light" "Indeed" Tech looks at his watch and says, "We've been walking for a few hours, maybe we should head back" With a nod, you agree and follow him out of the cave.

Something is wrong, he is way too warm, the outside temperatures are not that high, but his body temperature seems to keep rising. He feels strange, maybe Wrecker knocked his helmet a few too many times, maybe his filter wasn't working properly. Tech quickened his steps, and you tried to keep up with him in surprise. Arriving at the Marauder, Tech takes off his helmet, and you can tell something is wrong, the expression on his face, that slightly glazed look. "Are you okay?" "I don't know," Tech admits, "I'm very warm, and I have a headache." He blinks in surprise as you start to help him take off his gear, but he allows it to happen, he also lets you push him into his bunk and tuck him in. "You must be overworked," you say gently, "You're always working, around the clock. At some point, your body just can't keep up with your mind, Tech." He blinks, accepts the water you brought him, and says, "Maybe you're right." He likes the way you take care of him, fluffing his pillow, covering him up, bringing him water and putting a cool, damp cloth on his forehead. He feels miserable right now, but he literally melts at every little thing you do for him.

"I'm sure a few hours of sleep will do you good," you say with conviction and a soft smile. Tech looks at you from wide, glassy eyes, he gets lost in that smile of yours, and before he can pull himself together he says, "Can you stay here, with me?" "Oh," you say in surprise, "Sure." You lie down in the bunk across from his, barely two steps away from him. Tech turns to the side, so he can look at you. You say with a smile, "Don't worry, I'll take care of you". Tech's ears turn red as he smiles back. At a certain point, you both fall asleep.

His dreams are wild, very wild, much wilder than usual. Intimate dreams are not unknown to him, but this one is very intense. He watches you suck him while his hands on the back of your head give you a wild pace, shortly after he pins you to the floor and plows his hard cock through your pussy while you gasp, sigh, moan and whimper under him. Then he spins you around and shoves his length into the tight little hole between your buns, taking you so fast and hard that the clash of bare skin, echoes loudly off the walls. His hand is in your hair, pulling at it as he thrusts ever more savagely into the tightness of your butt. Tech tears open his eyes, feeling even hotter than before, his thoughts a wild jumble of sexual acts. His cock pulses hard under his blacks, almost painfully. Everything inside him burns and screams to grab you, to take you, to taste you, to fuck you. He moans softly and wipes his forehead, a very small part of him knowing that he's thinking and intending very naughty things right now, that he actually needs to pull himself together. But this small part is lost in the wild, feverish racket of his suddenly felt hundredfold intensified sexual desires.

He is so tense with horniness that a slight tremor goes through his body. He looks over at you, you are still asleep, you are still alone and will probably be for a while. Automatically, almost of his own accord, he takes off his blacks. He looks down at himself, he doesn't see much, it's still dark, but his cock is clearly standing at full size. Against all reason that tries to survive somewhere under the wild chaos of sex thoughts, he walks over to the bunk you are lying in. In between he hesitates, this little part of him is only small, but stubborn. "You can't do that, it's indecent, you'll scare her... it's wrong..." he whispers to himself, and yet he keeps coming closer to you.

You feel someone climb into your bunk or sit on the edge and slowly awaken from your slumber. Your eyes do not immediately adjust to the darkness. You blink, there is someone, in your bunk, you are uncovered and that someone is bent over you. "Tech? Is that you?" you ask, confused and not yet in your right mind. Your fingers grope for the nightlight and turn it on. It's not particularly bright, but enough to clearly see the naked Tech kneeling above you on your bunk. Your gaze lingers briefly on his hard length, thick, long, gently curved, the tip slightly red and swollen, a trickle of precum on the small slit. You look up at him, startled. "What's going on here?" you ask, perplexed, completely bewildered by the unexpected situation. He's not touching you yet, but you can still feel his body heat already. "Tech, you must have a fever- wait what are you doing!" Ignoring your words, Tech reaches under your sleep shirt for the waistband of your panties and sets about pulling them down. "Need you, need to smell you, taste you, feel you," he stammers as if delirious with fever.

When you automatically grab his hands in surprise to stop him, he fends you off and tugs impatiently at the fabric until it tears. You let out a startled little scream as he rips the fabric from your body, and right after that, impatiently, your sleep shirt. His eyes get even bigger behind the lenses as he sees you naked in front of him. "Tech, what are you doing....?" you ask quietly. He grabs your wrists, rips a strip off the sheet and goes to tie your hands together, but you fidget and stubbornly resist. He grabs your hands and pins them down, glaring at you impatiently. "Tech, what the fuck!" "Need you, need you to comply," he says hoarsely. "I don't understand," you say quietly. He looks at you, feverish, almost desperate, "I need to taste you and smell you and feel you, I need to have you!"

His words make you nervous, it doesn't sound like him at all, neither the pitch nor the way he said them.

Tech smells your hair and shivers, as do you. You feel his legs pushing your thighs apart, his pelvis thrusting between them and his cock pressing down on your pubic, rubbing against it. You let out a small surprised moan as the friction drives heat and wetness into your pussy.

He moans softly and repeats, "I need you." You've been into Tech for a while, but this wasn't really Tech, was it? Again he tries to bind your wrists, this time he's faster, and a little rougher, overpowering your flagging resistance and finally tying them to the headboard of the bunk. Your pulse races, your heart hammers in your chest. A startled, surprised squeak comes from your lips as he presses up against you, and dig his teeth into your shoulder, not hard enough to really hurt you, but hard enough to leave pressure marks. He licks over the spot, kissing it as his hands travel down your body. You're hot and cold, thoroughly aroused, but this seems so foreign. His body is burning hot, you are sure he has a fever. You want to tell him that he needs a doctor, but at the same moment his mouth moves to your breasts, and he begins to lick and suck your nipples, his long fingers greedily embracing the soft flesh. Your head is swept clean. You loll under him, sighing softly, he presses his lap into the mattress as he moves down your body, a low rumble coming from his chest as he sucks your nipples and rubs against your body.

Suddenly he rises, kneeling higher over you, his hard cock hovering just in front of your mouth. You blink and look past his hard length up into his face. His hand roughly grips your chin, pushing it higher, then he demands, "Open." Nervously, you open your lips as he finally presses his tip against them, letting him in. Your tongue automatically presses against the underside. You see him shiver, and hear him moan. Admittedly a nice feeling and a delightful sight. But Tech is under pressure, under fire. He grips your head and pushes further until you gag and your eyes tear as he fucks your mouth. His whole body trembles with tension. You stare up at him, having no idea how long you can keep this up or what to do when you can't anymore. But it doesn't take long, you feel him throbbing in your mouth, Tech moans out, then his semen shoots down your throat and mouth. You swallow in surprise as best you can. There's quite a bit. He pulls his cock out of your mouth again. Some of his semen trickles down your chin, but you can't wipe it away because of your bound hands. He keeps moving, his lips and tongue roaming from your breasts down, over your belly, faster and faster, as if they're impatient.

You start breathing faster the closer he gets to the heated triangle between your thighs.

There is something tugging at you, a craving, a want, something you didn't know before you had. It's weird, all of this, yet you feel you want this, you want him.

Then he's finally there, you hear him take a deep breath, feel him shakily expel the air on your wet folds. While you're still shuddering from the soft draft, his mouth is suddenly on your pussy, his tongue heatedly exploring your folds. A surprised squeak escapes you, followed by a gasp as his tongue glides over your pearl, repeating the motion several times in quicker succession. You have no idea how he does it, but his tongue is so nimble and strong, getting wilder and wilder. Your thighs tremble around his head, the gasps from your throat become faster and faster, mixing with hoarse moans. Tirelessly, his tongue flicks over your swollen, pulsating clit, again and again and again. You mewl in arousal, stir in your bonds. The feeling of his soft, wet tongue dancing on your sweet spot, that bundle of nerves is delicious.

He's rutting his cock into the mattress while he licks and sucks your clit, moaning as he does so, humming, muffled by your pussy where you very clearly feel the vibration, an added stimulus. You don't know what's gotten into him, at the moment you can't get a clear thought either. But somewhere in the back of your mind, you think back to the red glowing mushroom in the cave.

No matter how surprised and overwhelmed you are right now, you are also incredibly horny. Your abdomen trembles, your thighs quiver, the tension, the tingling and pulsating is heading towards a climax.

Tech's tongue gets faster, flicks your little clit in rapid fashion. Your abdomen tenses, your walls clench around nothing.

You almost cry out as you tip over the edge into your climax. Tech continues to lick your clit, a little too long, you become hypersensitive, and you jerk under his touch, but his hands grab your hips hard and hold you in place, pushing you into the sheets. He's still rutting his cock into the pad of the bunk, and his tongue finds your dripping opening. A little cry comes over your lips as Tech slips his tongue between your slick walls and wiggles around inside, starting to lick you out like you're candy. He's greedy, and intense and he's making a mess. "TECH!" He growls, not a word, not really a response, just a growl. His nose keeps pressing against your hypersensitive pearl, but every twitch of yours is held in check by his hard grip. "This is too much, Tech, too much!" You see him twitch, another growl, he rolls his glassy, reddened eyes back for a moment. You realize he's cumming in the sheets.

He finally lets go of you for a moment, sits up, somewhat breathlessly wipes his mouth and chin with the back of his hand and forearm, wipes away your juices and his saliva. His sweaty chest rises and falls heavyly. Tech still looks feverish, his eyes still wild and without focus. "Not enough," he says, slightly hoarse, smoky, "More!" You see that his length is still hard and erect. Then you see his gaze fall between your legs, you automatically want to close your thighs, you don't really want any more over-stimulation, but he pushes himself in between. Automatically, you want to use your hands, but they are still tied to the head of the bunk. Tech lies above you, pressed against you, his body still glowing hot. He seems to be wrestling with himself, hesitating, but only briefly. In the next moment, he has brought his tip to your hole and is penetrating you, parting your moist folds and plunging deep inside you. He's quite long and thick, you feel him stretching and filling you. "Fuck," you curse softly.

It hurts a little, but somehow it also feels so damn good. He's leaning on his hands, hovering half above you, his cock deep inside you. Sweat is on his forehead, his muscles are shaking, his reddened eyes keep blinking. He looks strained. You realize he's trying to hold back right now, but barely managing it.

This is not your sweet and shy Tech.

He starts to move, dragging his cock a bit out of your sensitive entrance, and right after that he pushes forward into you again. Slowly at first, but he gets faster and faster. He half sits up, pulling you to a different angle as he does so he can push deeper inside you. Tech moans, gasps, makes little sounds you've never heard before, every now, and then he stammers words you don't understand. His hips move faster and faster, the sound of naked skin meeting naked skin fills the room. You didn't expect it, but your arousal picks up again and as if Tech sensed it, a hand moves between you and his fingertips, deftly find your pearl. A hoarse sound passes your lips as his cock inside you, as well as his fingers on your clit, speeds up. As if of their own accord, your legs close around his hips as your thighs begin to tremble.

His name comes moaning over your lips, again and again. He stares at you, but his eyes are still so glazed and wild that you don't know if he's really looking at you. A shudder goes through his body, a twitch, then he growls softly, you feel his cock twitch and pulse in your cleft, his warm seed filling your pussy. Every other thrust, accompanied by a squelching sound. Shortly after, the knot in your abdomen loosens, tingling all the way to the tips of your toes. But Tech doesn't stop, he's still hard, thrusting into your pussy filled with his seed. "More," you hear him say in a shaky voice. You moan, "Tech, I can't take anymore." You don't know if he really understood you, perceived the words, but he pulls his cock out of your pussy with a wet smacking sound, grabs your hips and turns you onto your stomach. Your heart races, you're not sure what he's up to. His length is still full of his juices and yours as he pushes it lengthwise between your buns. His hands grip your buns pretty hard and squeeze them together as he begins to rub his cock in the crease between them.

He moans, gasps and trembles. You are glad that he has refrained from sticking it in your ass. Without preparation, that would have been very unpleasant. Tech rubs himself against your buns, panting, trembling. He suddenly slows down, then you feel his warm load splashing on your buns and your back. By now you are full of his cum, in and on you, even the bunk is full of it, everything is sticky. Tech, of all people, who is very conscious of his hygiene, has made this mess. His breath is getting shaky, you hear it, feel his cock finally softening on your buns. "Oh maker... oh no... oh hells no...", you hear him whisper, in his tone a desperation that is hard to overhear. You pull at your bonds and say as calmly as you can, "Please, Tech, untie me." "Oh my goodness, of course, right now.... I'm so sorry... really so sorry..." he continues to stammer and with trembling hands he loosens your bonds. Finally, you can sit up, turn around and look at him. His eyes are back to normal, no longer glassy, nor reddened, but his cheeks and ears are red, and the expression on his face completely desperate and ashamed. He hastily grabs a pillow to cover his crotch as you look at him.

"I'm so sorry," he says softly, almost whispering, barely managing to look at you, his gaze jerking away again and again, "I felt everything, perceived everything, but it was like my body was just a doll, controlled by overwhelming sexual desire...my mind had no control." "I figured something wasn't normal," you say dryly, looking down at yourself, "I'm all sticky," you grumble softly. "Oh maker, please don't hate me now, I couldn't stand that" he says, ducking his head. You laugh softly and say, "I'm never touching any mushrooms near you again". He doesn't feel like laughing, and your attempt to loosen him up unfortunately fails. You say softly, "Tech, well, before all this happened, you and I really liked each other, didn't we? I mean, we were just a little too shy to interact more." Tech blinks and lifts his eyes after all. His cheeks are flushed as he clears his throat and says meekly, "I've been in love with you for a long time, if that's what you mean." You feel heat rising in your cheeks and your heart beating faster. "Yeah, that's what I meant" you say nodding "The feeling was mutual by the way". Tech's eyes grow wide behind his goggles, but then he lowers his gaze again. "I guess I ruined that now".

"No," you contradict him, "you didn't. The fungus has twisted your senses, or whatever you want to call it. Nothing is broken because of it yet." Cautiously, Tech raises his eyes again. "I'd like to make you a proposition," you say softly as he looks at you. Tech nods and says, "I'm all ears." "You and I are going to take a shower together, nice and relaxed. We'll wash, maybe each other, some tender touches, no pressure, no expectation, just enjoy each other's closeness. Some tenderness after this, little disaster?" Tech blinks several times and asks, "You would still let me touch you?" You nod and admit, "It's not like I wasn't having fun at all. Besides, that wasn't really you, but I'd still like to get to know the real Tech better." Tech smiles, stands up and after a moment's hesitation, puts away the pillow he was covering his crotch with. He takes your hand and helps you out of the sticky bunk.

Under the warm stream of water of the shower, you both slowly relax, Tech letting his tension escape with a sigh and smiling at you as you look over your shoulder while he gently washes your back. Tech says tenderly, "You're gorgeous, by the way". Your ears get all hot and a tingle spreads through your stomach as you say, "You're not bad yourself, handsome" Suddenly you hear voices, the boys must be back from their errands. Then you hear a curse and Crosshair yelling loudly, "WHAT THE HELL HAVE YOU DONE TO MY BUNK!!!" You look up with a soft, "Uh oh," at Tech who then whispers, "Oh. That's probably bad." "He's going to kill us," you say, biting your lower lip suppressing a grin, "We really made a hell of a mess." "Indeed," Tech says dryly, "I'd say we stay in here for now until he calms down." "That could take a long time" Tech smiles mischievously, "I don't mind"

@rintheemolion

@andyoufollowyourheart @clone-whore-99

@brynhildrmimi @kaliel2310

@misogirl828 @tech-deck

@meshla-madalene

@chxpsi

@thebahdbitch

@nahoney22 @ladykatakuri

@darkangel4121

@ttzamara

@arctrooper69

@padawancat97

@agenteliix

@allsystemsblue

@palliateclaw

@either-madness-or-brilliance

@ortizshinkaroff

@andy-solo1

@hunterssecretrecipe

@heyitsaloy

@greaser-wolf

@extrahotpixels

@hated-by-me

@hunterxcrosshair

@malicemercy

@bebopsworld

@echos-girlfriend

@cpnt616

@dangraccoon

@jediknightjana

@pb-jellybeans

@antishadow2021

@sleepycreativewriter

@projectdreamwalker

@1vlouds

[are-you-judd-enough]

Replaying the splatoon 2 end bosses (hero mode, weak as heck, not good, 5th in a list of 5; Octo Expansion 1st, knocked it outta the park, amazing, no notes) and being splatted in real life by Nasty Majesty blaring over the Spinal Column.

You have to assume Pearl wrote those lyrics and convinced Marina "It's fine, girl, we can say whatever we want, I'm rich and you're a genius", I also headcanon it as being written shortly before they in a relationship and the freudian aspect is apparent to literally everyone but Pearl, or funnier, Pearl already assumes they're in a relationship and Marina hasn't caught up.

This is to say, I'm compiling the OSTs to work on cassette tapes I can listen to on my commute to work on my walkman because there no internet on the underground. Uh... Let me know if those playlists are worth anything to ya.

[taradiddled]

Ada: It's so fucking funny.

Lucifer: No, it's not!

Ada: Yes, it fucking is. You're the King of HELL. Your subjects fuck in the streets, advertise dildos and buttplugs publicly in store windows, and your porn stars are treated like celebrities, with their own cereal ad promotions and merchandise. I turn on the TV, and there's over fifty free channels of porn. You've known that for over ten-thousand years, and yet, your little butler knowing that we fuck gets you all fussed-up.

Lucifer: It's not that they know we're fucking that bugs me, it's that they know WHEN.

Ada: Aaaaaaaaaand? I doubt Lambie gives a shit. It's not like they listen outside the door every time we get nasty. And the red bow-tie on the door tells them we're busy fucking, anyways.

Muriel: Rest assured, I do not find your fornicating intriguing in the least, Your Majesty. While I am very, very, very happy that you and your mistress are bonding both emotionally AND physically, I prefer to not be present in the close vicinity while you and your mistress voraciously engage in coitus. I appreciate the use of the red bow-tie, to signal when you and your mistress are physically occupied, as this allows me to give you and your mistress privacy, as well as assure me that your absence is not at all due to anything nefarious, but simply the result of you being unable to restrain your baser urges.

Lucifer: ...you make me sound like a sex-obsessed maniac, Muriel.

Muriel: I have done no such thing, Your Majesty! I am simply saying that I am aware that your sexual appetite for your mistress has virtually no refractory period, and that you are often filling that appetite on an almost daily basis.

Ada: They've got you there, Luci.

Lucifer: Okay. FIRST OF ALL, how come I'm the one getting called sexually voracious, when YOU are the one who initiates sex the most often? I'm getting jumped at almost every corner lately!

Muriel: Your mistress cannot help if her pregnant state has increased her sexual drive. As the one who impregnated her, it is your responsibility to satisfy her needs, however constant they might be.

Ada: Sounds fair.

Lucifer: Sounds like bullshit.

Ada: Stop pouting, Luci. It only makes you cuter.

[memversemenace]

calamari inkantations got NOTHING on nasty majesty. listen to it. hear those bumpin beats and that sick rap track. perfect fusion of octarian soldier tunes and inkadian counterculture.

Mawina said I can’t listen to Nasty Mwajesty until I’m older. Too many no-no words. :(

[scekrex]

Hi I know you already have a lot of prompts you're working on but I just read that new part of Overlord!reader and got kinda inspired so I figured I send it now before I forget

Reader just got through his daily paperwork so he proceeds to go to balcony leading to the garden to do a bit of 'bird watching' to relax, then some sort of magical video call appear, open to reveal the king of Hell with a bunch of other people in the background. Confusion gives way to outright wrath as the king basically demands he hands over Adam.

Ever since the outing, he had been inundated with offers and demand that he hand over the angel, he had to bite his tongue because some were business partners, others, while not a threat, would make him take time away from his darling birdy. But this king in name only, who can't even get to him because he made sure his little paradise in Hell is so ward off and hidden it might as well be nonexistent, he went off coldly about how he nurse him back to health, take care of him, lengths he took to ensure his happiness and comfort, why would he give him up now. Only for Lucifer to reply how happy an angel could be in hell, as if on cue, Adam flew up to the balcony and into your arms, demanding affection in a happy, mock whiny manners. Not noticing the window or how his lover beam with vindictive satisfaction at Lucifer anger -and jealousy?- nor how a hand move away to close the call before going back to satisfying his demands

The Adamsapple undertone is soooo fucking lovely like ehcueuczc I hope you like how it turned out <3

Bird of Hell's Paradise

The king's demand of golden birds

pairing: Adam x male!reader

warnings: language

note: not beta read bc fuck you I don't have beta readers

Watching your little golden feathered bird roam around the garden always calms your nerves, especially after days like today. The VEEs had sent a shittone of paperwork, they had tried their very hardest to get their filthy sinner hands on Adam - not that your hands were any purer. You had reasons to be in hell, after all, and those reasons were against the choice you’d made if you were given one. But your hands had been cleaned from the blood when you had decided to live on the very edge of the pride ring, far away from the demons and sinners that roamed hell’s nasty streets. Adam was watering the plants, making sure they all stayed hydrated. A habit that he had picked up on, the first man had once or twice mentioned that your garden felt like Eden - like home - and that was why he felt responsible to take care of your lovely plants.

A tiny little VoxTek drone accompanied you on your little balcony and before you had the chance to decline the incoming call and destroy the small piece of technology, the call was started and a video projection of the king himself appeared. The little drone had left enough space between itself and you to be easily overlooked if you were not focusing on it. The king however was not alone, along his side you spotted Zestial, Vox himself and a bunch of nameless faces that you had never seen before. “Your Majesty,” you hummed slightly annoyed by the interruption and bowed before the king. Yes, the timing was bad, but Lucifer was truly no one to purposely mess with, there was a reason why he was the king after all. “Listen Y/N, I’ll make this quick, you’ll obey and we all will continue to leave you alone in your perfect little paradise on the other side of the ring,” the king spoke as he looked down at you from the video call. Your eyes left the technical device to look for your little birdy, rushing through trees and carefully taking care of the sensitive plants. The golden feathers of your beloved little angel sparkled in the synthetic sunlight that you had managed to create over time. “Name your desire then, Your Majesty,” you mumbled as you joyfully watched Adam, your attention was on your lover and the king did not seem to like that fact at all. “Adam,” Lucifer spoke and that made you snap your head sideways to look at the king and the people keeping him company. “Excuse me?”

The king tilted his head upwards, making him seem taller than he actually was as he looked down at you, “I demand that you hand out Adam.” You however shook your head as you denied the king’s demand, “I won’t hand out my golden little bird, Sir.” The king’s mimic changed into something you were unable to read, yet you continued to explain to the blonde male why, “I took him in when you and your daughter had left him to bleed out. Adam had been located right next to the new Hazbin Hotel that you and their residents built,” you explained where you had found him, though you were aware that the king knew that already, he had been the one to kick Lute and the other exorcists out of hell in the first place. He was the reason why Adam would have died alone if you wouldn’t have paid attention to the battle. The lovely brunette would be dead by now, maybe even eaten by the cannibals Charlie had considered her army and invited to her hotel for protection. As if Alastor and Lucifer had not been devense enough. “You could have taken the first man in instead, but you chose to leave him, to let him die alone. I not only provided him shelter from the sinners’ greedy eyes, I also offered him a forever home,” the king looked angry as you spoke your words, you found yourself not caring enough though, so he was angry that someone else found the first man the king himself would have killed if it weren’t for Charlie? Good. If that was the case, then Lucifer shall remain angry.

The blonde knew just how true your words were, he was very aware that Adam seemed to enjoy not only your company,but also the place you had offered him to spend his eternity at. Otherwise the brunette would have left you and your home already, at least that’s what Adam would have done in Eden. But back in Eden the first man had been someone entirely different, he was not the kind stranger Lucifer got introduced to anymore. And maybe Lucifer hoped you would hand out Adam and the brunette and the blonde could be what they were in Eden before Lilith had been created. But deep down inside of him the king of hell knew that would never be the case.

A soft yet sarcastic chuckle rumbled through the blonde’s body, “Well, how happy could an angel be in hell? Look you’ve-” the king interrupted himself as he heard the flapping noise of wings and given how loud the sound was the creature attached to the wings was not only nearby but also owned a huge pair of wings. Adam flew right in front of the little VoxTek drone, blocking the king’s view, “The fuck is taking you so long?” The first man complained, his arms crossed over his chest as he pouted at you. He was quick to land right in front of you, unintentionally shielding you from the king’s eyes and yet they all saw very well what was happening. “I’m so sorry my dear,” you hummed softly as Adam wrapped his arms around your body, hiding his face in the crook of your neck, “Work kept me busy longer than I expected it to.” You side-eyed the drone, letting the king and his company know that they were the cause of the hold up. “Well, get your hot ass down into the motherfucking garden then, you promised me fucking cuddles,” his voice was muffled by your skin yet the brunette spoke loud enough for the blonde to hear.

Lucifer had transformed into his demon form, not able to control all the anger and hatred he was feeling towards you. How dare you keep Adam from him? Adam, who used to belong to him when it had been just him in Eden. But this was not Eden, this was Hell and in Hell the first man belonged to you and not him, a painful truth the blonde had thought he would be able to change. And despite being the king, he did not get what he had demanded. For the first time in a very long time, someone had denied Lucifer his deepest and darkest desire.

“Very well, my love,” you agreed to Adam’s reminder of the promise you had made, your hand gently ruffled through his hair and the former angel was eager to lean into the touch you offered. A quick peck on his head and then you turned off the drone with a swift motion of your hand that remained unnoticed by Adam, the first man was way too busy holding onto you and breathing in your scent. “Who the fuck was keeping you so goddamn busy?” the brunette complained as he held onto you even tighter. You chuckled softly as you placed another kiss on his head, “Lucifer.” Adam’s body tensed up at the mention of his name - not because memories of Eden were filling his mind and the name made him uncomfortable, but because Lucifer had been the one to almost kill him, the king of hell had beaten the living shit out of Adam and the brunette was very aware that the fallen angel was able to do much more than just that.

“Don’t you worry, my golden feathered bird, he won’t touch you.”

[cirilla-fiona-riannon]

Birthday Event: My Beloved

Translations may not always capture the exact nuances or tone of the original text. Expect grammatical errors.

Drake spoke to his subordinates, who were overwhelmed by the grand celebration of Queen Elizabeth's birthday party.

Drake: "Alright, you guys. Celebrate me instead of the Queen."

Crewmates: "Huh?"

Everyone was taken aback by what he suddenly said.

Drake: "Come to think of it, I feel like today is my birthday, too."

Crew 1: "There's no way in hell that's true, Captain."

Drake: "Just go along with it for now."

Drake: "And you know what? Since we have plenty of expensive drinks and delicious food before us, let's celebrate like it's my birthday party instead of the queen's."

The crew exchanged glances as their captain spoke in high spirits.

Then Drake, grinning, snatched a glass from the table and raised it above his head.

Drake: "Come on, boys, don't be shy. Eat up, make some noise, and drink up!"

Encouraged by his words, the pirate crew, which had been hesitating until a moment ago, burst into laughter.

Crew 1: "Hahaha! Captain, your reasoning is completely absurd, but fun."

Crew 2: "Yeah, now that this happens, let's raid the party."

Crew 2: "Today, you're the star of the show. Cheers to Captain Drake!"

The corner of the elegant hall turned into a lively scene as the crew members eagerly grabbed glasses and wine bottles, shouting "Cheers!" and downing their drinks.

---------Flashback Ends---------

Mitsuki: "Pfft! Ahaha! Suddenly saying it's your birthday is pushing it too far!"

Drake: "Yeah, I agree."

I listened to Drake’s old stories and couldn’t help but burst out laughing at his carefree remarks.

Mitsuki: “But I guess that helped relieve some of the tension in the group.”

Drake: “Yeah, they were originally a jolly bunch, but once they let loose, they don’t hold back.”

Drake: “But since we were surrounded by royals and nobles, we received some pretty judgmental looks.”

------------Flashback------------

Noble 1: “How barbaric. Who are those causing a commotion over there?”

Noble 2: “Honestly, why are those pirates here?”

Crew 1: “They’re giving us some pretty nasty looks. But you don’t care, right, Captain?”

The crew cursed under their breaths at the impertinent looks and whispered words exchanged by the nobles.

Drake: “.........”

Just when they thought Drake would ignore them, he slipped past the nobles, approached the Queen, and kneeled while taking off his hat.

Queen: “What’s the matter, Francis Drake?”

Drake: “I’d like to congratulate you again on your birthday, your majesty.”

Drake: “We’re honored that you personally invited us this evening.”

The term “personally” invited caused a slight stir among the nobles, and the Queen looked down at him, raising an eyebrow.

Drake: “However, I believe there are those who may deem us, lawbreakers, unfit for this gathering.”

Drake: “If Your Majesty, who has invited us, could show your generous heart, we’d greatly appreciate it.”

Queen: “Oh, very well. I shall turn a blind eye to whatever behavior you all exhibit."

Drake: “We’re grateful for your kindness.”

Queen: "Hm. Drake, you're quite an interesting man."

As the queen narrowed her eyes, Drake smirked, adjusted his hat, and flipped his cape as he strode through the hall again.

Once the queen acknowledged them, no one dared criticize the pirates.

---------Flashback Ends---------

Drake: "I didn't really care about the nobles, but all their babbling made my drink taste bad."

Drake: "So I borrowed the queen's authority."

(Wow. He silenced the nobles by showing respect to the queen.)

I could only imagine how bold and dignified he must have looked.

Drake: "That concludes the tale of the pirate who stole the queen's birthday."

Mitsuki: "Hehe. So that's why September 7 is your birthday."

Mitsuki: "Thank you for sharing that story. I always thought you were kind."

Drake: "Huh?"

When I said that, Drake himself looked surprised.

Drake: "I'm a pirate who has committed all sorts of crimes, you know? Was there really kindness in the story I just told?"

Mitsuki: "There was. You used your wit to boost the morale of your crew."

Drake: "........."

(He suddenly asked them to celebrate with him at the party as an excuse to lift their spirits.)

Furthermore, the reason he became a pirate and started working under the queen's orders in the first place was to free his captured comrades.

Mitsuki: "It's nice to see your kind side again."

Drake: "........."

He subtly blushed and awkwardly looked away.

Drake: "Don't treat me too nicely, Mitsuki. You remember what I've done, right?"

Mitsuki: "Yeah. But I want to tell you how I honestly feel."

I smiled at him, and Drake let out a small sigh, a hint of shadow passing over his eyes.

Drake: "Well, I was young back then. At that time, I probably felt that the ship with my crew was the only place I belonged."

(Place, huh?)

(That's right, after that...)

He became feared by enemies and allies alike as a demon while sailing the world.

And eventually,

(Even by his comrades.)

I passed through that door and witnessed his anguish and anger.

Just remembering those memories still made my heart ache.

I tried searching for words when he suddenly placed a hand on my head.

Drake: "There's no need to get sad about it, little fawn."

Mitsuki: "Drake."

Drake: "So, the answer to the question of when my birthday is tentatively September 7."

Drake: "I don't know my actual birthday, and I'm not particularly fixated on that date, so you don't need to worry about it."

Drake: "More importantly, I'd like to know when your birthday is."

He smiled cheerfully, and the conversation shifted in a different direction.

That night一

I lay in bed in my room and recalled his words.

(His birthday is on September 7, but it's a temporary date.)

(He chose that day for the sake of his pirate crew and even forgot about it until I asked him.)

(I guess he doesn't really feel the significance of his birthday.)

But determining his actual birthday would likely require going back in time.

(He said not to worry about it.)

(But still, I want to celebrate that he was born.)

(Wait, no. What's important is not the date but to convey these feelings to him.)

Part 1 ╎ Sweet╎ Premium End╎ Epilogue

[summerf0x]

Splatoon dashboard simulator

🖌 GhostOfInkblotAcademy

god I fucking hate school first my teacher drops a ton of extra homework on me right before the exam then the Horrorbouros comes to town and forces me to evacuate in the middle of an exam and then a Grizzco employee sends a Booyah Bomb DIRECTLY into my dorm so now I have to replace all of my furniture

🐻 mr-grizz’s-favorite-child-soldier follow

why don’t you complain AFTER you spend all night trying to clear Salmonoids out of the city

🖌 GhostOfInkblotAcademy

37,597 notes

🌟agentfourhead

Day 137 of posting photographs until my boss comes back

#at least I don’t have to deal with the other guy here anymore all he did was complain and ask me to listen to his mixtape #then again I did stuff him in a snowglobe so maybe it’s justified

4 notes

🐟 chum1738292 follow

ω-3 fans will be like “You should listen to Fishing Frenzy it’s so good!” And then the entire song will be composed of doorbell noises and choppy cello and it’ll be the best thing you’ve ever heard.

🔁 🐠 flyfish893

The Valiant Green Flame Born in Jigokudani could slam his head through the drums and still make anything leagues better than Wet Floor or whatever weird music the land-dwellers listen to

436 notes

🐚 selfishshelfish

“Muck Warfare is actually about Marina Ida’s past as a weapons engineer for the Octarian army” yeah and Ink Me Up is actually about Marie Cuttlefish’s secret job as a special agent

#honestly *ff *he *ook fans scare me #like I love their music but there’s no way I’d ever interact with their fandom outside of existing on the same social media platform #next thing you know they’re going to say Fly Octo Fly’s actually about an amnesiac soldier escaping to the surface #or Nasty Majesty is about lesbian sex

0 notes

🎱 applicant-10008

I’m glad I never have to deal with the Deepsea Metro ever again

🎱 applicant-10008

IM BACK IN THE FUCKING BUILDING AGAIN????

🎱 applicant-10008

Ok ok ok ok I just need to get out of here and Pearl is here so things can’t be too bad

🎱 applicant-10008

DEDF1SH??????

3 notes

♠️ TopTableturfTactics follow

Something that’s always bothered me about the Alterna Adventures card packs is that they feature some guys I haven’t seen anywhere else.

Like the other expansion packs always have some sort of connection with other creatures (EX: Zapfish Zeal’s titular Zapfishes and other electricity-based creatures) or brands. But these guys are brand new! I’m starting to wonder if they’re original characters but DJ Octavio apparently has some sort of historical significance I’m currently looking into.

If anyone has any information, please DM me or send an ask in!

🏹 NEOthree follow

@captain-three

#might want to keep an eye on this one, boss

231 notes

[foreverinthepagesofhistory]

~ Rumors About Our Daughter ~ (fan fiction requested by @historical-epic)

Rumors questioning Archduchess Marie Valerie of Austria’s legitimacy have been circulating within the Austrian Court. What do her parents think about this? What do they do?

Characters: Archduchess Marie Valerie of Austria, Emperor Franz Joseph I of Austria, Empress Elisabeth of Austria

Valerie heard her mother talking to a random maid servant in the drawing room of their summer home Kaiservilla in Bad Ischl. Thought it sounded more like arguing to her.

“Don’t you dare make such treasonous accusations!” Elisabeth shouted, loud enough for 8 year old Valerie to make out what she said. 

“Y-Y-Your Majesty….I didn’t mean to…I was just implying that”

“What, that my daughter is illegitimate? That her father is not The Emperor? How dare you!”

Valerie had never heard her mother this angry before. It was quite shocking, more shocking than the rumors of her own illegitimacy. 

These rumors were swirling in and out of Kaiservilla for months now, mostly the fancy talk of lower servants. When the imperial family arrived, the servants had to be more careful about their gossiping and shut out their willful thoughts as these thoughts could imprison them for life, or even worse, death.

Emperor Franz Joseph I was married to Duchess Elisabeth of Bavaria, who later became Empress Elisabeth of Austria by marriage. But everyone close to her called her either Mother or Sisi. 

Together they had four children. Archduchess Sophie, who died young, Gisela, Rudolf, and Marie-Valerie. They all lived somewhat happy lives although there were problems in all.

Franz and Sisi had to bear the burden of ruling an all powerful Austro-Hungarian empire, Rudolf had to bear the burden of being heir, Gisela had to bear the burden of being unloved by her parents (it was very complicated), and Valerie now had to bear the burden of various rumors spreading about who her real father was.

There are plenty of servants and nobles who live at Kaiservilla and that means that there are various mouths to blab whatever they want about whoever they want. 

A few months ago, the topic of Empress Sisi and her lover Count Andrássy was being spoken about and somebody must’ve put together that Valerie might not have been her father’s daughter.

These were obviously just nonsensical rumors because Valerie was Franz’s child. She was legitimate. 

But Valerie herself didn’t know that and neither did all of the servants who had been blabbing their mouths off for months. 

“Get out of my sight! Sisi practically screamed at the frightened chamber maid who unfortunately gossiped at the wrong time to a footman.

The maid scurried off and Sisi sat down on the nearest chair and was trying to hold in tears.

“Mama..” Valerie walked in from the other room. “Was that maid talking about me?” She asked.

“Oh darling” Sisi held out her hands to embrace the trembling young girl who started to cry.

“Don’t pay any mind to what that filthy servant said. It was all lies and it wasn’t true at all.”

Sisi stroked her daughter’s unruly dark brown hair and continued to do so until Valerie broke the embrace.

“But Mama…I heard it all…I don’t know what this all means.” Valerie was on the verge of hysterics. 

Seeing her mother so upset ignited something in her that is usually hidden away. It made her angry and confused and utterly upset.

“Valerie darling” Sisi soothed. “All you have to believe is that you are your father’s daughter, you are my daughter. If somebody said that you aren’t then shame on them!” 

Sisi gave her youngest daughter a little playful slap which turned the sad frown on Valerie’s face into the wide smile that would be seen playing outside with her dogs or drawing pictures with her mother.

“You are Archduchess Marie Valerie of Austria, youngest daughter of Emperor Franz Joseph I of Austria, King of Hungary. That is who you are and you can’t listen to anybody if they say otherwise, especially the nasty servants who gossip.” Sisi softly placed a hand on Valerie’s face.

“Okay Mama, I love you very much.” The two hugged firmly again.

“Next time Valerie, don’t eavesdrop okay?” Sisi said strictly, but with a laugh.”

“Okay Mama!” Sighed smart Valerie as she skipped out of the room.

~

Later that night, when Valerie was doing her nighttime prayers, Sisi was informing Franz about the events of the day.

“Franz, darling,” Sisi spoke to her husband who was sitting calmly on the bed taking his boots off.

“Many people are questioning Valerie’s legitimacy, today I caught a maid servant gossiping with a footman. I’m greatly concerned.” Sis went over to sit next to Franz who wrapped his arm around her.

“Darling, you know those rumors are false. I remember the night we conceived. It couldn’t possibly be anyone else. What makes you so worried?” Franz said

Sisi wanted to say that the rumors were specifically stating that Count Andrássy was the suspected father and that she never did anything with him except one small kiss, but she couldn’t say that to her husband. 

She loved Franz and Andrássy’s kiss brought her no affectionate feelings, minus disgust and anger, but this was just not the right time.

That was a story for another day.

Sisi decided to tell Franz the truth about half of the worries about this situation.

“I’m worried because Valerie was in the other room and she could hear me yelling at that maid.” Sisi was close to tears.

“She has never heard me that angry before and she came up to me afterword and was quite distressed...” Sisi wept into Franz’s arms while he gently stroked her back.

They might not have been passionate soulmates, but after all these years of marriage, Franz still loved Sisi, and the feeling was mutual.

“Sisi darling hush now, I will talk to her, I promise.” Franz stated his wife in the eye and gave her a gentle kiss on the forehead.

He then exited the room and let Sisi undress peacefully.

As Franz was walking to Valerie’s rooms, he couldn’t stop himself from thinking more deeply about the rumors.

Why would anyone think that Valerie is not my daughter?

Valerie heard a sudden knock on her bedroom door.

“Valerie, darling, it’s Papa, can I come in?”

“Enter.” Valerie spoke softly as her nanny calmly put the book away and exited the room.

Franz came in and slowly sat down on Valerie’s bed.

“What’s wrong Papa?” Valerie noticed the solemn look on her father’s usually joyful face. At least he was joyful when she was around.

“Valerie…” Franz spoke in a nervous but fairly calm tone. “Mother told me about what happened today.”

Valerie’s face fell into a sad frown.

“Does everyone think like that maid thinks?” She said desperately. “Mama says that I shouldn’t listen to them…but I did.”

“Oh Valerie my dearest,” Franz wrapped his daughter in a tight embrace and rocked her around like he did when she was a baby. 

“Look in my eyes, Valerie, you are my daughter. Nothing can or will ever change that.” Franz was disgusted by these ugly rumors. His heart knew that Sisi could’ve and would’ve been unfaithful at times, and he could’ve been too. But he knew deep down in his heart that Valerie was his child, nothing could convince him otherwise.

“Papa is that really the truth?” Valerie asked longingly.

“Darling,” Franz cooed. “It will forever be the truth.”

“Oh Papa I love you so much!” Valerie gave her father a kiss on the cheek and a tight squeeze before hopping under her covers.

Franz kissed the little girl goodnight and exited calmly.

He knew that everything was going to be okay, and if not, he would take care of it.

~

[avastrasposts]

The British Connection - ch. 3

Summary: Grace Mallory makes a reluctant Billy Butcher and The Boys team up with an MI6 operative sent over from London to track down a dangerous supe killing people on both sides of the pond. Billy is being his usual arsehole self but maybe opposites attract?

It's 14 chapters and complete and 'll be posting a new chapter every day

Warnings: canon typical violence, smut, fluff, Butcher being his usual grumpy and unreasonable self, nasty supes, guns etc.

After meeting with Mallory and Edwards, Butcher makes his way to the Flatiron Building on Fifth Avenue and double parks his beat up car outside the entrance, drawing dirty looks from a woman pushing a pram with a wailing baby. He ignores her and crosses the pavement, pulling open the heavy door. Making his way up to the office he meets Hughie on his way out. 

“Hughie, ‘ang on a minute, I’ve got news to share with the whole team, come back up.”

Hughie attempts a protest, something about meeting Annie, but Butcher throws him a look and Hughie reluctantly follows him back upstairs. 

Butcher bangs open the door to the office, making the glass pane rattle and MM wince. 

“Butcher, for fucks sake, it’s a listed building, some respect please!”

Butcher ignores him and barks an order, “Everyone gather round, we’ve got a visitor on the way and I need to brief you.” 

Frenchie and Kimiko get up from the sofa where they’d been watching something on the laptop and join MM and Hughie in front of Butcher at the large table in the middle of the room.

“I’ve just had a meeting with Mallory, she’s got a special assignment for us,” he begins. “The MI6 ‘ave sent an operative stateside to aid in catching a supe. Apparently we’re trading information with them in exchange for a hand in catching this fucker.”

“MI6?” Hughie asks incredulously, “Like James Bond MI6? The British Secret Service?” 

“Military Intelligence Service, Section 6,” Frenchie fills in, his eyes widening, “These are serious guys, Monsieur Charcuterie.”

“I haven't exactly seen her file, but yes, if she’s as senior as I think she is, she’s certainly a serious force.” 

“She’s a woman!?” Frenchie asks, “Mon dieu, I’ve always wanted to meet a female James Bond!” His wide grin is full of excitement at the thought of it. 

Butcher growls and leans forward, puts his hands on the table. 

“Listen, I need you all to be on your toes. I know she’s British and all but this is not an ally. We don’t know her hidden motives and we don’t know what kind of information MI6 is willing to give us. Keep the chit chat to a minimum and your desks clean of any clandestine documents.”

“Butcher,” MM crosses his arms over his chest and leans back on a filing cabinet, “when you said ‘aid’, do you mean as in joining us in the field?”

“Ye, she’s here on active duty, Mallory made it clear that she’s part of the team while we work on this.” 

Butcher looked around at the rest of them, “I’m not crazy about the idea of her teaming up with us, she’s an unknown factor and we don’t know how she reacts under pressure. They don’t exactly have many supes over in ol’ Blighty.”

Frenchie leans in over the table, excitement in his eye, “Can we get her file you think? I wonder what 00 number she is? I wonder ‘ow many confirmed kills she ‘as? Oh, MI6 has a licence to kill outside of…uhh..Royaume-Uni, how you say?”

“United Kingdom,” Butcher interrupts, “and you’ll keep your mouth shut about MI6 Frenchie.” He straightens up from the table and glances around the office. “Clean this mess up, we’re about to be inspected by Her Majesty the Queen’s Secret Intelligence Service, let’s not give her any more information than strictly necessary,” he barks. 

Butcher is making a final round in the office in the Flatiron building, checking that anything sensitive is stowed out of sight, when there’s a knock at the door. The rest of the team immediately looks over at the door and seem to straighten their backs, only Kimiko remains slouched on the sofa with her laptop. 

Butcher is closest to the door so he opens it to Edwards standing outside. She’s changed her clothes, he notices, and it’s changed her look. The woman in front of him now looks more like someone he’d eye more than twice in a bar, not like an MI6 operative. He catches himself wondering how old she is, the suit from this morning made her look in her 40’s, now she looks like she turned 30 yesterday. 

He blinks a couple of times to regain his composure and she smiles at him, fine lines at the corners of her eyes showing briefly. 

“Hello Butcher,” she says and puts out her hand. This time he takes it without thinking and shakes it, her hand is warm and he can feel something, a scar perhaps, across her palm. He catches himself, “Welcome to HQ” he waves with a mock grin and steps aside to let her in, letting go of her hand.

Eve smiles as she walks into the office, taking in the other occupants standing around the large table. Butcher’s reaction to her altered appearance had been almost missable but she’d noticed the pause in his response time as he caught sight of her outside the door. Maybe Mallory was right, it would be easier to do this if she could appeal to Butcher’s more base urges. 

Butcher walks in behind her and points to the different members of the team. 

“Hugh Campbell, our resident connection at the FBSA. Marvin T. Milk, usually known around ‘ere as MM. Frenchie, our resident, well…French guy. And Kimiko. Don’t piss ‘er off”.” The last he says to Eve as she shakes Kimiko’s hand. Kimiko smiles sweetly and rolls her eyes at Butcher’s retreating back. 

Butcher walks over to the large table in the middle of the office and turns to lean on it, arms crossed over his chest. 

“So, Ms Edwards, please let us know what it is we can help you with”. 

Eve pauses for a few seconds, collecting her thoughts, before she turns and walks over to an empty chair and sets down her backpack. 

“My name is Eve Edwards and I work for MI6, but I’m sure Butcher has told you that already,” she says, turning to the room. At the mention of MI6 Frenchie opens his mouth but closes it with a snap when he sees Butcher’s eyes on him. 

“MI6 is part of the British Secret Intelligence Service and section 6 is the foreign intelligence service, meaning we only serve overseas. MI5 is our domestic counterpart in the UK. Eight weeks ago MI5 received reports of two suspicious deaths, both in London, within a few weeks of each other. Scotland Yard first handled both cases but called in MI5 when they reviewed the CCTV footage.” 

Eve pauses and turns to pull out her laptop from her backpack and bring it over to the table. It hums to life as she flips open the lid and presses the power button. She id:s herself on the laptop’s fingerprint scanner and brings up a video file. Hughie leans in to look closer at the laptop’s sides. 

“Sorry, excuse me for interrupting, but I think, if you give me a second I can connect it to a bigger screen if you want,” he says, motioning at the large PC monitor on the desk next to them. But Eve shakes her head, 

“Thanks, but it won’t connect, closed system for SIS equipment only.” 

“Oh, that’s kinda cool actually,” Hughie says, squinting at the ports on the laptop. 

Eve full-screens the video and presses play, stepping back to let the others get closer to the screen. There’s no sound on the video but the image is clear and in colour. 

A man can be seen leaving a side street door leading on to an alley, rubbish bins lining the street. He is well dressed in a suit and tie with an overcoat slung over his arm, a briefcase in one hand. The camera changes angle and follows him towards the entrance of a public car park building. He disappears for a brief second from view before the camera inside the car park shows him walking at an angle towards the second row of cars. Another man is seen getting out of a car in the first row, approaching him. The last few steps he takes at a run and launches himself against the first man, slamming him into a concrete pillar, making them both fall to the ground. The second man is up fast onto his feet, grabbing the head of his victim and slamming it repeatedly against the pillar. It takes two impacts with the pillar for the man in the suit to go limp but his assailant continues to bash his head against the concrete four more times before unceremoniously letting go of the head and calmly walking away. The first man is left like a rag doll on the ground, blood pooling around his head. The camera changes angle again and the killer can be seen exciting the garage and walking towards the main road. The camera catches him again as he turns the corner and continues down the busy main road. The video speeds up until he reaches Earls Court Station, the bright Underground sign clear in the video. The man goes inside and taps through the turnstalls, down to the nearest platform and stands waiting calmly just behind the yellow line. As the underground train approaches he steps in front of it and immediately disappears from view as the front of the train hits his body. 

Eve leans forward and pauses the video. “That was the first one,” she says. 

“That looks like a simple ‘murder-suicide’ to me,” MM says, looking over at Eve, “but I’m guessing it’s not that simple or you wouldn’t be here.” 

“That would be correct,” she replies as she clicks up another video file on her laptop. 

“So who’s the supe?” Butcher asks, “someone who can take on a tube train and walk away?” 

“That wasn’t the supe,” Eve says looking over at him. “That was James Cardwell, a 52 year old primary school teacher from Hammersmith in town to meet some friends for a birthday party at a pub nearby. Scotland Yard thought it was a murder-suicide and closed the case after informing his wife and finding out that he had been prescribed anti-depressents. Only problem is, he was prescribed them once and it was 32 years ago after his first girlfriend broke up with him at uni. Hardly a reason to bash a stranger’s head in on a Wednesday evening three decades later and then kill yourself.” 

She full-screens the second video, “This second video will make things clearer.” 

Kimiko taps Eve’s shoulder and motions at the notepad she’s scribbled on, “Scotland Yard?”

“Sorry,” Eve says, “Scotland Yard is the headquarters of the London Metropolitan Police. Like the NYPD. Scotland Yard is the name of the building their HQ is in.”

Kimiko nods and Eve turns back to the laptop, pressing play on the second video, and stepping back. 

“This one is a bit more grim.”

The video is black and white but shows a garden, the backyard of an affluent looking home. A young girl, about 8 years old, is jumping on a trampoline that’s set up in a back corner. A middle aged man, presumably her father, is hovering around a lit barbeque. Tools for cooking are laid out on a counter next to it, tongs, spatula and a chef’s knife. An older man appears in frame and is greeted by the younger man, by the look of them it’s father and son. In the background the young girl stops jumping. The two men seem to be talking for a couple of minutes before the younger of the two hands over the spatula to his father and walks into the house and out of frame. The older man remains at the barbeque and waves at the young girl. She doesn’t wave back but climbs down from the trampoline and walks across the well kept lawn towards the man. Behind him is a large outdoor dining table with chairs set up. The girl walks over to the one nearest and picks it up, carrying it over to the barbeque and sets it down next to the man. He looks over and smiles at her, saying something and giving her a hand as she climbs on top of the chair and stands next to him. As he turns his attention back to the barbeque she grabs his throat and rips it out, blood, black in the video, shoots out over the barbeque. The man immediately keels over, his hands barely reaching his exposed windpipe before he’s bleeding out on the patio. The girl reaches down and picks up the chef’s knife, calmly slides the blade across her throat and falls off the chair as the blood starts pouring out of the deep cut. 

Eve pauses the second video and looks up at the team. Hughie looks pale and has backed several steps away from the laptop. MM looks grim and Butcher has his eyes fixed on Eve, a deep frown between his eyes. She looks up at him. 

“When Scotland Yard saw this they got in touch with MI5. A little bit out of their league, this sort of thing.”

“You don’t say,” Butcher replies, still frowning. “How’d they connect it to the first murder?” 

“They didn’t. MI5 went through recent violent deaths, both open and closed cases and found it. And they spotted this.” Eve leans over the laptop and taps over to the first video. She moves the slider back to the beginning of the video, zooms in and points to one of the rubbish bins in the alley outside the car park. Among the heaped black rubbish bags they can just about make out the head of a person. They seemed to be wearing a hood over their head and a mask or a bandana pulled up to their eyes. Eve moves the video forward to the moment the killer is leaving the alley and points to the rubbish bin again. A shoe could be seen just at the corner of the screen, a dark green trainer, coming out of the rubbish bin. She moves the slider forward again and stops it, now the killer is standing on the platform waiting for the tube. Frenchie leans forward and points at the screen, “There, in the corner, the same green sneakers,” he says excitedly. 

“Exactly,” Eve says and tabs back into the second video and zooms in on the still frame and points to the screen. At the back of the garden, behind the garden wall, the shape of a person can be seen. Only head and shoulders are visible above the wall but the black hood and mask over the face can be made out, even at a distance. 

“That’s the supe,” she says, looking over at Butcher. 

“He’s controlling ‘em,” Butcher growls, a deep furrow between his eyes. “But ‘ow?”

“We don’t know. Telekinesis perhaps, or neurological control, mind control. Part of my objective here in the US is to see if you can help us find out how he, or she, is controlling them. The other part is why.”

“Who were the people that were killed?” MM asks, motioning at the laptop. 

“First one was Sadiq Mohammad. A small time investment banker, not very successful. Certainly not successful enough to have powerful enemies that would hire a supe to assassinate him. I have MI5’s file on him for you to read.” 

She goes back to her backpack and pulls out two folders, the first one is rather thin. 

“The second man was Alistair Byng, his title was Viscount Torrington. Long time serving member of the House of Lords. The little girl was his granddaughter Arabella.” 

She dropped the second folder onto the table, it was a lot thicker. “He was deeply involved in the Tories, the British Conservative party. Had fingers in every pie, very much a part of the inner workings of the party. He certainly had powerful enemies but MI5 hasn’t found any real motive for a killing this brutal.” 

Butcher picks up Byng’s file and flips through it, scowling at what he sees. 

“This geezer could’ve been killed for any number of reasons, he’s as bent as they come. Just work ya way down the list and you’ll find whoever hired this supe pretty soon.” He tosses the file back onto the table. “Why’d ya need us for this, eh?”

Eve looks at him for a few seconds, meeting his sharp gaze. Her eyes narrow as if she’s weighing her options and then she exhales. Turning to Kimiko she says, “Can I borrow your notepad, please?” Kimiko hands it over to her and Eve grabs the marker and writes on the pad, handing it over to Butcher when she’s done. It says “How certain are you that this place isn’t bugged?” He reads it and the furrow between his eyes deepens.

“Right that’s enough gore for one day, let’s have a little breather,“ he exclaims with false gusto, “Coffee's on me down at the park.”

Chapter 4

[zaptap]

curious whether nintendo music used the files from splatune 2, octotune, and splatoon 2 live in makuhari, since a lot of it's shuffled around compared to the ost orderings, and they even combined fly octo fly and ebb and flow octo into one track for some reason (yeah those do play back to back in game, but they're two different songs. what if you wanted to listen to an extension of just one of them?)

like, with mario kart 8 deluxe, you wouldve thought they'd at least use the album versions of the tracks from the wii u, even if they didnt release a better quality version of the switch stuff, but they just used the same quality of music from the game for everything instead (which for mario kart 8--original and deluxe--in particular is unusually bad quality among switch games. and wii u games for that matter i think)

probably doesnt matter as far as quality goes for splatoon 2 though. im looking at the extra tracks i have that werent on the osts and theyre all looking good. though, considering those same extra tracks (for instance the coccyx phase music from octo expansion) are also missing on nintendo music, that would suggest they just used the osts and shifted the order around, the following ways:

they put the newer battle themes with the older ones (abxy's were on octotune, sashimori and diss-pair were on splatoon 2 live in makuhari, and now instead of those being at the very end of the list they're right after ink theory's)

they moved wet floor's now or never and victory/defeat stuff to after the other multiplayer bands' music instead of in front of them with the other wet floor songs (this is odd because they didn't do that with c-side's in splatoon 3. going out of their way to create inconsistencies lol)

they moved nasty majesty and shark bytes lower on the list, to right before splattack octo (i guess this makes more contextual sense. nasty majesty was almost at the beginning of octotune because it was kind of the main theme, and shark bytes was just thrown into the middle of dedf1sh's songs. this is where they actually play)

combining fly octo fly and ebb and flow octo is unusual but it's less drastic a difference than mario kart 8 deluxe's nintendo music version having extra tracks for different phases that the original mario kart 8 cd didn't even have, in this case they'd just have to stick them together back to back and that's all

doesnt look like they put inkopolis memorial mixtape on there though so they definitely fucked it up

trailer themes are also missing, as with splatoon 3. why is botw the only game allowed to have them...?

(also i just noticed it uses the splatoon 3 grizzco album art???? huh??)

[sorakh28]

Whumptober 2024- A Break/Shake FST EP

Papaoutai by Stromae- The source of the main conflict in Marth’s story in the series. This song can fit so well in so many fandoms (looking at you, Persona 2), and it fits in this one.

Bein’ Friends by Catherine Warwick- What, I can bring in any music from any soundtrack as long as it’s appropriate, and this is totally Caeda’s perspective on the whole deal! She does help out Marth with his troubles! And it appears in the series!

Bring Me To Life by Wagakki Band ft. Amy Lee- Listen, any version of this song would’ve fit Marth’s feelings for Caeda involving his new backstory, but I purposely chose this version because it is glorious. Japanese instruments has a beauty that works with Break/Shake’s interpretation of Altea.

Running Up That Hill covered by Eivør- I specifically chose this version because I love Eivør and she’s one of my two choices of Ange’s voice. ...Which this song is an Ange song, because for a moment, she did wanted to switch place with Marth, if only to keep him away from the pain he was experiencing at that moment.

Live And Learn by Crush 40- How many franchises can I put in this? Anyway, this is the lesson Marth learns throughout Break/Shake in song form. Sonic was my very first fandom ever, so having a song from the series for this FST makes me giddy af. Love you, Sonic!

Nasty Majesty by Splatoon’s Off The Hook- This is Never Thought: The Vibe. Marth’s prior experiences changed how his worldview and savior complex expresses itself, and from it, Marth can smell bullshit from a mile away, and he’ll also refuse the same bullshit because he has standards. Long story short- DON’T MESS WITH THE CROWN PRINCE OF ALTEA.