#listen im a bad person okay | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

fatuismooches · 8 months ago

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EVEN MORE CUTE DOTTORE MOMENTS TO MAKE YOU SMILE 🙏 (because I am too tired to post anything of quality)

#smooches talks #ouhhhh... to experience the domestic life with him...#someone motivate me to start writing actual fics again...#the dottore honeymoon fic merely has the title “medicus scriptor amorem” and “Honeymoon fic” in the actual document LMFAO #i made it on... january 27 oops #idek if im gonna stick to that name because google translate for latin is so bad omfg #(TO THAT KIND PERSON WHO SENT ME IDEAS ILY AND I PROMISE I WILL RESPOND. I PROMISE IM NOT IGNORING U)#i also have another wip i havent touched with loving the harbingers when they weren't in the fatui yet #no like seriously i think churning out 50k words did something to my writing state 💀🙏#a snippet from dottores part: Il Dottore’s strength was nearly unmatched in the Fatui being the Second Fatui Harbinger and all.#what most people do not know is that he was… certainly not the best fighter during his Akademiya days.#A claymore was also out of the question - he grumbled when he had to lug his numerous research materials and parts to the desert…#In the end you settled on teaching Zandik the basics of a sword. do with this as you will...#however i am still so proud of myself for fabulam diu oblitus #i was rereading in class bc i was bored and i was like #damn i kinda ate with this #thanks for listening to smooches mini writing life crisis if u made it here #okay i go sleep now... i have midterms this week #OMFG THESE TAGS R SO LONG IM SO SORRY

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enlichened · 7 months ago

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The thing thats consistently bothered me the most in the fallout show is the racism. I would hesitate to recommend it because of that alone. And there was obvious love that the set and prop designers, actors, costume department, and even maybe the writers put into the show! There are themes and characters in fallout that i'm certain would resonate with fans of color!

It KILLS me that so many of the fallout entries are damn well unplayable/watchable in this regard because the writers simply Don't Care how the people in their work are presented. That this like hugely popular world with a lot of worldbuilding and thought behind it does such wrong to so many people, fans and otherwise, that you cannot find any game in the series that does it right or well. It alienates a lot of people who might've been fans just because the majority white creators and fanbase don't give a shit, and I'm sick of it.

it's not enough to say "in the fallout in my head that racism doesn't happen," you actually have to put some things into PRACTICE. Allow space in your head, your games/show, your fan spaces for people of color! notice and say something when you see racism coming from media, yourself, and others!

#like its not AS bad as other fallout media but isnt that the fucking kicker. that its not AS bad #and in fact the games im thinking of that are most egregious in their racism ARE interplay/obsidians games.#bethesda is NOT free from criticism or racism. just look at the elder scrolls.#all of the fallout games have been terrible to different extents to their black characters #the games are TERRIBLY sinophobic. the great war being pinned on china allows for SO much racism in the writing and in fan spaces #but fallout 2 and new vegas specifically have awful and degrading representations of indigenous people. to the point where i wont play 2.#and now this show treating maximus nearly one to one with how star wars writers AND fans treated finn? its not okay #personal /#fallout show #fallout blogging #racism #antiblackness #colonialism #fallout #if not for this i would have thought that the show was GOOD. surprisingly compelling. anti capitalist messaging. but its just. all the time #and this is coming from a white person! i can only listen and imagine how painful it is to play these games or watch the show #and be the butt of the joke every time!!! or the villain or the fool or the one who dies or the nameless entry.#maximus gets to have Some time in the light as a protagonist but for the beginning half of it he's treated SO awfully by the writers #and the latter half does not do enough to make up for it #EDIT: I JUST FINISHED THE SHOW AND THEY FUCKING MADE IT WORSE....#taking max out and having lucy leave him. for what exactly. why did they have to undermine him and make him look stupid at every opportunit #AND. two of the more major black women being evil capitalists juxtaposed by some white guy who opposes? .........................#like im glad moldaver was there. i guess. but even she is posed as the villain for the good majority of it and kills innocent people #for no reason and. UGH

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toytulini · 4 months ago

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me, stupidly and weirdly resistant to listening to audio books vs reading a physical book for no real reason: man i wish there was a way to like, read a book while i crochet like i do with tv shows and movies and podcasts

#toy txt post #my reasons are irrational you dont need to try to talk me into it. i KNOW #its very silly of me #imagine how much reading i could get done. but alas. Feels Bad #even listening to a more. uh. Story type podcast or fiction like nightvale was a bit difficult to start for me. i like nightvale now i #listened. but i worry that is clocking in my brain as an Exception 😔 maybe it would be easier if i tried some nonfiction books? scary #i also struggle with single host podcasts apparently even tho im also ehhhh on the kind where the structure is the host Interviewing a #different person everytime? maybe it would be okay with a nonfiction audiobook tho cos it would be getting read by a narrator and not sound #so much like a guy ranting into a mic which makes me feel a little insane. altho propaganda doesnt necessarily always sound like a guy #ranting into a mic so idk. i could probably make it through if i can find a nice book about like. parasitic worms. i could tolerate #feeling like im falling into sigma male affirmations videos for worms i think. wormffirmations are allowed #*to clarify i dont listen to those but listening to better offline makes me feel like im morphing into the kinda guy who does and i hate it #which feels unfair cos he is RIGHT and the podcast is good but i need there to be like a cohost there to break the tension of the Ranting #sometimes he has guests on? but its not quite the same #i think the format i like best is either like 2 or 3 regular cohosts discussing things within a specific topic #OR. 1 host whos like infodumping to the other host who knows nothing about the subject. OR. 2 hosts info dumping to each other about #different aspects of the subject. OR. 1 host who brings on fun guests to infodump to them about a subject. and then obviously the subject #needs to intrigue me. ex. sawbones well theres your problem (I HATE THAT THIS ONE IS BEST EXPERIENCED ON YOUTUBE😭 I WANT THEM TO JUST DUMP #ALL THE SLIDES INTO A BIG BLOG POST SOMEWHERE AND I CAN CHECK IN AND FOLLOW ALONG THAT WAY WITHOUT HAVING TO HAVE MY PHONE SCREEN ON THE #WHOLE TIME!!!!!!!!! but. im listening for free so its unreasonable to demand more of them BUT ALSO I FEEL LIKE JUST COPYPASTING ALL OF THE #SLIDES INTO A BIG BLOG POST ISNT THAT MUCH MORE EFFORT THAN EDITING A WHOLE YOUTUBE VIDEO? WAAAAAH. THEY DONT NEED TO BE TIMESTAMPED OR #ANYTHING JUST THROW EM IN ILL FIGURE IT OUTTTTTT #anyway. also more than 3 hosts is really pushing my ability to keep track of voices.#anyway: sawbones wtyp tpwky behind the bastards scam goddess #(which is true crime adjacent but focuses mainly on scams and isnt copaganda and laci is funny and cool)#common descent pod completely arbortrary maintenance phase if books could kill #deep sea podcast has more bringing ppl in to interview them about shit than i personally enjoy but i put up with it cos i do like the hosts #and the subject

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bunnihearted · 2 months ago

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⋆ ˚｡⋆୨♡୧⋆ ˚｡⋆

#today i thought about this a lot because #it was a veryyyy bad day noise wise #it goes up and down even if im generally easily disturbed by noise #but sometimes i feel more ok with it and can cope somewhat #but some days it is just extra bad and it is physically painful and im constantly stressed #today was one of those days where i almost just broke down and started screaming and crying #i managed not to. but god my upper body hurts a lot bc i get so tense and i cannot relax #all the CONSTANT noise is so painful lol #so yes i thought about it a lot today bc i was doing bad and i realized.. even if i already know #how like.. amazing it is that i can feel such a way .. and that in this existence a safe space for me does exist #his voice just does smth to me on metaphysical (is that the word?) and undescribable levels. it just /reaches/ me #it's so cool that i have physical reactions to just hearing the sound of his voice? i feel my heartbeat slow and my body relaxes and im like #idk how to explain but i feel soothed to my bones and my soul feels cradled. it's like his voice just erases everything else #i just think that is so amazing? like how can that be? how can i experience all of this inside of my existence?#im just in awe of how that can work. how this person's voice has such effects on my being. how it makes my hyper stressed body just feel #okay and calm and soft when i exist in the space of hearing his voice..#maybe i sound crazy :$ .. but thats just how i feel. like today when i was on a walk..#and omg it was noise overload it was crazy i felt my entire neck and throat and shoulders hurt so bad and i wanted to scream and rip my #hair out. i just kept imagining his voice and wanting to just be in that space and soothed state my body enters his voice alone puts me in #im not sure if thats weird or bad of me.. :c but thats just what happens!!! and selfishly i crave it!! i'd never be demanding or forceful #i have more than i couldve ever dreamed or asked for. i can listen and breathe and be ok. and i can imagine his voice too..#soft fluffy cloud that envelopes me.. maybe i *am* crazy or too intense but its just the truth #and ig what im trying to say it is that im infinitely thankful & grateful for this. that i can have felt this. & know it exists like wow??

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skitskatdacat63 · 6 months ago

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Here is a badly drawn comic of my terrible, awkward group project experience from yesterday. I thought it was very absurd so I wanted to share it other people lol :)

Let me know, how do you find their conduct 😭

#i tried to small talk #and they werent rly listening and were like i just wanna get this done w so i can eat #yet talked to me abt smth random after #but the moving the laptop is what made me draw this 😭#like is that not absurd????#i dont wanna rewatch the video #but i wanna see what the camera frame looked like #bcs from what i saw my drawing is p accurate #but yeah they also talked for the majority of the time #even tho i did more research bcs they took up most of the slides #AND ALSO TOOK MY IDEAS #im like uhhhh im p sure [insert slide topic] is required!!!#and i went to go start writing it #and theyre like oh okay ill do that slide #and even tho i kept reminding them of the slide requirement #they kept being like ugh i cant think of anything #and then would take my ideas when i proposed them #like the conclusion part was to write a proposal abt what solution can be made for the current event topic #AND i took notes the night before and wrote down the idea for the solution #and i told them and theyre like oh yeah thats okay and started writing those slides #i know i should be more assertive but im so conflict avoidant and was kinda like oh. okay. ah.#lmao i hope this doesnt make me come off as someone victimizing themselves #im just annoyed 😭😭#and also this person was on my abroad trip and we all hated them #but i felt bad abt how much we hated them and theyre(I THOUGHT) much more chill in a classroom setting #so i kinda softened my hate for them and theyre the only person i know in my class rly #so im like ahhhh we should work together!#and now i remember why i dislike them 😭😭#catie.rambling.txt #catie.art.

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phagodyke · 18 days ago

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the masculine urge to take a saucepan off thr draining board and bash myself repeatedly over the head with it until I pass out and no longer have to experience feeling Bad 😍

#struggling to tolerate this one ngl its fucking dire this weekend. i just cant do this man #thr things i would fucking do for attention please. just one person to notice and care in the slighest i feel like im losing my fucking #mind out here how does every single person who has ever mattered to me in my lifr see me in distress and choose to ignore it or maybe they #dont even recognise im ij distress in the first place i dont know whats worse i dont think i hide it well at all im just so done #listen like ultimately its fucking fine. i will get myself through it like ive gotten myself through everything else in my fuckijg life #i dont even feel bad that often these days im doing so so so much better and its so much more tolerable to only have to deal with this #once or twice a week instead of it being a struggle every single day like i dont think i could go back to feeling like that again ever i #dont know how i managed to get througyh it before jesus fucking christ. but i can deal with it i can deal with this #ik ill feel fine tomorrow. its just thr fact im so desperately fucking alone with it that makes it so much worse than it has to be #i fucking hate repression i hate being so incapable of expressing myself that its easier for me to injure myself than it is to talk about #how i feel to anyone i hate being trapped in this stupif fucking torture labyrinth and not knowing how to get out of it and never being #given a single avenue anything to hold onto i hate having to do it alone every single fucking time and when i do try i just freeze out #entirely i cant form a coherent thought my brain enters total fucking shutdown pure static white noise fuzz and i dont know why please #its so unfair i dont think its that much to want a little comfort. just once just for someone to stay with me while i cry it doesnt have #to be more than that i just dont want to be alone like this i just want to feel safe around someone just close to someone just once #and well ill survive without it bc i always have i guess. so far at least. and there are many things im grateful for and i do in general #feel pretty okay my life is pretty good at times even. i feel so pathetic and stupid and ashamed for even feeling like this #but do i have to go my entire life without ever experiencing any kind of real intimacy with another person emotionally that is #i mean physical is nice too and they go hand in hand in some ways but i just want to feel seen and safe over anything.im tired #i feel like i try.but not hard enough i know its all my fault really but i dont know how to try any harder but nothing will ever change if #i dont i cant expect anyone to do anything if i cant rven communicate in thr first place. oh i dont want to think about it anymore #i have a headache from crhing and its not even 8pm ugh. okay. well it is what it is.#ill breathe until i calm down and then tidy up whatever i left in the kitchen and get my work stuff ready for tmr #and polish my boots maybe. and read and go to bed at 9:30 i think. and ill feel fine in the morning #my fault for thinking about it earlier i know i shouldve nipped it earlier on its such an easy spiral to fall into i need to get better #it happens. okay anyway. no cause for concern im good guys. weakly thumbs up at the camera all covered in blood #my period is late actually thats probably all this is lmao. makes sense thinking abt it #cant wait for it to finally start and all earthly desire to leave my body so i never experience pain again amen #.vent #ignore this sorry for being mentally ill im not even that mentally ill anymore so no excuse rly ummmm. bit embarrassing innit.

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anastacialy · 5 months ago

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y'know, i keep making a habit of swinging my bat at hornets nests, but i have to say i'm getting so, so tired of people complaining about shows not making perfect sense when they aren't even close to done. we're four episodes into this season of doctor who. we're four episodes into this season of bridgerton. and yet in both fandoms i keep seeing people whine that such and such didn't make sense or it wasn't explained all the way and by god you guys i think maybe explanations might come later in the season. this is something most viewers will recognize as being called a 'plot.'

#like maybe a tiny bit of media literacy... might save you #and if you think i'm being mean like. its okay if you don't get it at first. it's okay if you don't understand the themes. but maybe #instead of stamping your feet and saying this makes no sense and i hate what they're doing and and and #maybe you could try listening to other people's interpretations of things and you'll find that what the show is trying to tell you becomes #more clear! would you look at that. wild how that happens #like im sorry you're entitled to your opinions but calling things bad writing just because you don't quite get it or it doesn't resonate #with you personally... i don't think you should just say this was shitty and worthless #the examples im using are because both resonate with me btw. 73 yards was existential horror it was hill house and bly manor #(im going to write about this in another post btw bc it compels me so)#it was about the way fear of abandonment can haunt you how mental illness can haunt you how you feel like you can drive people away #just by being yourself (the Woman was Herself what caused ruby to be abandoned was Her it's about her feeling as though she was the cause #of everyone who left her even as a baby even the people who loved her most could decide to not love her at the drop of a hat)#colin bridgerton is masking and faking a personality because it has been proven that time and time again #being Himself is Wrong that he annoys people he makes himself into what people expect of him because he's tired of being abandoned too #his family ignores and does not reply to his letters this season PEN stopped replying to his letters #his brother was cruel to him for being a romantic his friends LAUGHED AT HIM for saying sex is meaningful to him and don't they feel lonely #his Fake Rake persona makes viewers cringe because! its!! fake!!! he's faking it! HE GETS CALLED OUT ON IT TWICE IN EP ONE #if you don't understand he's faking it then that's on you at that point! i don't know! maybe take a minute to sit in the discomfort and ask #why did this show make me react this way and do you think maybe it was on purpose #''73 yards was confusing'' do you think confusion may be one of the ways ruby feels about her abandonment?#there is a theme in all of her episodes so far is it ''badly written'' unclear to you or do you just refuse to think critically about it #txtly #and im sorry for tagging this its just for my blog i kinda wish they still didnt show up in tags if i tag them all the way at the bottom #[old lady ruby voice] ''i used to be able to tag things just for myself once upon a time''#bridgerton #bridgerton spoilers #doctor who #doctor who spoilers

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penisbilt · 6 months ago

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the bittersweet but absolute flood of relief that comes from admitting defeat at living independently, to have to move back in with parents. we tried! we gave it our best shot for almost 3 years! but living like this (being on our own) is just not possible for us at this time of our lives. we've finally proved it to ourselves that we can't do it. it'll be okay to let ourselves rest now

#latimers parents not mine!!!! i am NOT moving back to florida LOL #really hope that the changes will be good for my mental health. this apartment is toxic to us #ive been on the verge of meltdowns Kind Of A Lot lately. imnot doing great #extremely dependent on substances. just to reach a baseline level of functioning. but even that isnt working as much anymore #the only things i do on my phone or tablet these days is like. 2 mobile games. and skirting past my dms to check latimers blog #its too overwhelming to even open discord these days yknow. everything on earth is too much for me right meow #i havent been drawing i havent been social online OR irl i havent been cooking or creating #i havent been keeping up with personal hygiene like at all im particularly ashamed about that one #i've been really bad about doing my T the past few months which is a HUGE shame because im SO fucking hyped to be on it #theres just. too many obstacles in getting it done half the time. and the other half of the time i just forget #anyway. anyway.#our lease ends in july so between now and then we're just gonna try our best to tolerate our living situation enough to get by #there's a light at the end of the tunnel. and its called 'i only have to be in charge of like 2 rooms at most. and not a household!'#we're gonna try to slowly comb through all our things between now and then so the process of moving wont suck as bad #cuz listen. its pretty fucking bad right now #maybe not for other people. but it is for me. and its okay to let myself come to terms with that #im just. so relieved. still very stressed! but theres at least light at the end of the tunnel and its only like 2 months away #ill be able to draw guilt-free again. ill be able to just EXIST guilt-free #i dont think ive felt guilt-free for just existing the way i do since like. turning 20 #i know my mom wouldve loved if i stayed home forever. and im sad i cant be there for her #but ever since i had a fight with my dad at 15 or 16 it just really felt like he didnt want me there more and more #maybe as the youngest he was resenting that i was preventing him from becoming an empty nester or something. i dont know #because all the other kids had been moved out and on their own at least once but i had never left home before #i dont know if he'd be heartbroken or not to hear that i feeling like he was resenting me. but thats the energy i was picking up for years #i dunno. i dont know #anyway. back to housing. for now im going to try to relax and store energy for the moving process #the huge pile of things by the kitchen? i dont have to worry about that becoming permanent because we're leaving in 2 months #the general discord of the state of our possessions? we have to go through everything to pack it all anyway. we can move in RIGHT this time #when we moved in here we didnt have a car or license so we were dependent on latimers 3-hr-drive-away parents to help us move #just /across town/. and we had a whole month between leases! but it still had to be done in a weekend

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hassianlovebot · 10 months ago

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i know the rare and epic bugs are supposed to be yknow,, rare and epic so it wouldn't make sense if they spawned all the time. that being said, it's bad enough that the game has time limits on certain bugs, adding super low spawn rates just makes it worse. imo players should never feel like they have to spend hours playing to catch one bug