#i know. but i love where i lived and i wish i couldve stayed there forever. if only there were more opportunities and i felt safe being me.

[jitter-bugz]

It’s interesting to remember that my real first memory— not my first conscious memory (that was when I was four and in Georgia)— was of me being pushed in a stroller, into a chapel with a singing congregation in Utah. When I say I can’t remember my life before church, this is what I mean.

[mothusband]

feeling so homesick it hurts in my chest and listening to chappell roan is NOT helping

[ikealoki]

old order headshots + headcanons because hell yeah

i dont really have a hc for soren but the idea od him being missing is so interesting. its confirmed that ivor (and harper?) were on a mission to find him but obviously havent. the easiest answer is he went back to the end, but thats obvious meaning he/they probably looked there and he clearly isnt since they havent found him. so where the hell is he? theres no chance that hes in the portal network because of jesse being in posession of the flint and steel and hed have to way to get around without it, but considering hes a master builder and knew where ivors lab and enchantments are maybe he made his own?? i dunno. but its interesting. i wish that if there ever is a season 3 (highly doubt) we’ll get some closure on him. the only reason he wasnt in s2 is because the team said they wanted new characters, but considering how sparse soren was i feel like it couldve worked. but like i said i really want to know where he actually went and how his books got everywhere, its a fun concept.

gabriel!!! i dont know why he doesnt get more love hes amazing. but id like to think he lives near beacon town, not near enough to know about the admin shit but near enough to where jesse could get to him if hes needed without it being a whole ass journey. i think hed like to be more involved but feels too much guilt about the old order’s actions and feels like a fraud despite the fact that he is actually capable.

ellie my beloved. i understand any and all soregaard shipping but i like to think of them as having a sibling dynamic, like ellegaard has the older sister role whos exhausted by his “quirks” but will defend him with her life if anyone was judgemental. nerd club!!! also i feel like theres like a really intricate baroque style painting of her somewhere, maybe soren made it and its tucked away somewhere in his base. i know thats oddly specific. but it just feels right.

magnus!! (this is the one im most proud of)

i dont have many thoughts about him but i think hes bald on purpose. like his hair is too much of a fire hazard and his paranoia drives him to shave it off, even though he has his stupid ass fishbowl helmet its his way of staying on guard.

ivor!! this one isnt actually done because the filed corrupted while i eas working on it :( so i just did final editing on a separate application after screenshotting what i could

but as for hcs id like to think if he ever did/does find soren that hed encourage his work with endermen after learning what he was really doing. maybe making enchantments or potions to help him work among the endermen more freely or things like that. id ljke to imagine thered be an instance where jesse would have to go to the end for something and among the end cities theres a little cottage style structure and ivor and soren are just in there sharing their recent adventures over tea or slow dancing to one of sorens records. theyre in love JUST TRUST ME PLEA

and thats it! if u want to use any for anything feel free jusg credit meeee @ ikealoki 🗿

[burnt-tortellini]

Phillip Graves is cursed forever to sleep on a twin sized mattress (feat. soap)

aka line by line breakdown of twin size mattress by the front bottoms and how it relates to gravesoap because i made a joke about it on tiktok and i cant sleep

“this is for the lions living in the wiry broke down frames//of my friends bodies”

a key part of being in a non private military is that the people you’re surrounded with are literally stripped down to being a fighter and to their aggression and how good they are at killing people. having a genuine connection with anyone is hard when basic/SAS training guts you of most of your personality when youre on the job. the 141 in general are good examples of people who slip through the cracks but other examples of people who arent like that that theyre around is people who are part of pmcs like the shadow company who dont have SAS training exactly.

“when the flood water comes it aint gonna be clear//its gonna look like mud//but i will help you swim i will help you swim//im gonna help you swim”

one of the reasons i hc soap putting up with graves’ toxic behaviour is because he sees his past self in him. he sees the internalised homophobia and the self hatred and he wants to help because he knows from experience exactly whats coming, what itll look like and what he wished he had when he was going through it.

“this is for the snakes and the people they bite//for the friends ive made for the sleepless nights//for the warning signs ive completely ignored”

soaps aware hes getting hurt, hes aware that the most graves will let them be seen as is really close friends but hes also aware of the night hes spent lying awake wondering why he went back to graves’ room knowing hes wake up in his anyway. hes seen the warning signs and they are yet to stop him

“its no big surprise you turned out this way//when they closed thier eyes and prayed you would change//and they cut your hair and sent you away”

soap understands why graves is like this, he might not have grown up in southern America but he’s no stranger to the Christian culture surrounding being queer. the military is often seen as an escape from society or the people in your community, they might not have sent him away as such but they definitely pushed him in that direction

“you stopped by my house the night you escaped//with tears in my eyes i begged you to stay//you said ‘hey man, i love you, but no fucking way!’”

while graves’ betrayal was a complete shock to soap i think they both fantasise about what couldve happened if graves told soap beforehand. i personally think that if canon compliant graves ever did confess it was the night before he betrayed them because he knew it would be the last time

“im sure that we could find something for you to do on stage//maybe shake a tambourine or when i sing, you sing harmonies”

in an AU where soap finds out about the betrayal before it happens i think he would try and convince graves to stay and try to carve out a place for him in the 141 so he could switch sides despite them both knowing its not feasible

“it should’ve felt good but i can hear the jaws theme song//on repeat in that back of my mind”

in the lead up to the betrayal i think soap realised something was wrong, graves was making the most of their time together and trying to appreciate what they had while they had it but soap could sense something was wrong even though graves kept denying it

“make sure you kiss your knuckles before you punch me in the face//there are lessons to be learned//consequences for all the stupid things i say”

graves knows that soaps gonna be pissed, he knows hes ruined it and worst of all he knows that the anger soap shows him will he more emotion than graves ever gave him back

“and it is not big surprise you turned out this way//the spark in your eyes, the look on your face//i will not be blamed”

whatever soap thought he saw in graves is gone the second he betrays them. and then it hits him that this was always what was going to happen, this was always the plan and it kill him because he had to convince everyone (cough ghost cough) that they could trust him and he was wrong. thats gonna leave a stain on his reputation

“i wanna contribute to the chaos//i dont wanna watch and then complain//cause i am through with finding blame//that is a decision that i have made”

soap has a bit of a moment after the betrayal where he decides he either wants to never so much look at a man again or just become THE worst person ever when it comes to dating

“she hopes im cursed forever//to sleep on a twin-sized mattress//in somebody’s attic or basement my whole life//never graduating up in size to add another//and my nightmares will have nightmares every night”

soap is PRAYINGG for thjs mans downfall

[kindestegg]

What do you think of Collie going back to the sky. Because the way I see it, he's either all alone up there (probably not good for a young child) or he's gone back to living with the other collectors/archivists (which is probably also not good), Maybe he has found a guardian up there who aren't like his old siblings, an entire species of people can't all be bad, right?

hmmm... well first of all, i would like to say i personally never was a fan of the whole "collectors are emotionless assholes by default but our colly is ⁂⁕special⁕⁂ so hes different" like THATS SO STUPID!!! AND DEFEATS SO MUCH OF THE PURPOSE OF IT BEING IMPACTFUL HE CHOSE BY HIMSELF TO BE GOOD! i think the collector/archivist species is likely very very complicated and has a very rich history and hierarchy we just will never know abt in canon bc 1. theyre not the focus here and 2. well it kind of. ended. so.

BUT WELL. RIGHT! COLLYS FATE! SO UHM.

well. i have good n i have bad feelings about it.

ill start with the bad: i do wish we had seen more of him in the future timeskip, and that he had gotten a more permanent residence. i thiiink the archives are still intact around the titan skull (dont quote me on it though id need to look again), so, no reason why my future idea couldnt be canon with him living there n repurposing them. i think theres definitely a better solution than just sending him away, he couldve still had his little corner to learn stuff, just closer to the ppl he loves n that DO love him back.

HOWEVER.

heres where the good starts: i think it was actually a good idea for him to not become a noceda or a clawthorne. first of all because there was not enough of a bond between himself n those families to want to adopt him, specially there was a lot of trauma involved that cant be erased with how much he wishes to be good for them now. they still clearly care about each other, but theyre not family, maybe theyll never be, n thats fine. theres also another reason, but going into it would require... me being pretty bold about something thats been nagging on my brain ever since the episode aired, and actually talking about that might devolve into a bigger post in and of itself. i MAY make that post in the future and lose my fear of talking about, but im being cautious for now. all im gonna say about it atm is that if they had made him a noceda or a clawthorne, making him kings sibling, it wouldve made things... very awkward. and bad. so.

i think theres also a pretty fatalistic pessimistic way the fandom seems to be viewing this end: its never stated colly went back to the archivists at all, just "the stars", and its not even immediately after the finale events neither is it permanent- he had to have stayed around at least long enough to make that new portal door, and he visits frequently if king mentioning him being around to do something for luzs bday is any indication (not to mention that book lilith was holding that seemed to be about titans and collectors - i think colly mustve helped with info for that right).

me and the archive house server have actually been discussing this quite a bit, and we have reached the conclusion that the best way to describe this was that they "pulled a snufkin". collector is a space vagabond that travels around once in a while and then eventually always comes back to tell of their spoils to the people he still cares about most. and while that may not be satisfying to people who wanted him to be lovingly adopted into a welcoming family, i think its a good enough fate considering he might not even want a family out of the clawthornes, but rather just to be close to king.

and im sure maybe in the future he might decide to settle again at the isles for a more permanent residence. the future is in OUR hands now! we decide what to do with these characters and their future lives, and ive got a LOT of ideas.

[surprisesongsbracket]

Welcome to the Eras Tour Surprise Song Pairings competition!

This bracket will find the ultimate surprise song pairing of the Eras Tour! We will begin the competition with polls for the first leg of the North American tour. This post will be updated after each round, so check back here each week!

Would've Could've Should've 🎸 & Mine 🎹 wins the Eras Tour North America 2023 surprise song bracket!

Stay tuned for the Latin America brackets at the end of this year!

You can view the full bracket here, or under the cut:

Round 1a:

new romantics 🎸 & new year's day vs a place in this world🎸 & today was a fairytale🎹 vs mr perfectly fine 🎸 & the last time 🎹

haunted 🎸 & i almost do 🎹 vs jump then fall🎸 & the lucky one🎹

the other side of the door🎸 & coney island🎹 vs stay stay stay 🎸& all of the girls you loved before 🎹

hits different 🎸 & the moment i knew 🎹 vs you all over me 🎸 & i don't want to live forever 🎹

sparks fly 🎸 & teardrops on my guitar 🎹 vs i wish you would 🎸 & the lakes 🎹

high infidelity🎸 & gorgeous🎹 vs hey stephen 🎸 & the best day 🎹

wonderland🎸 & youre not sorry🎹 vs i bet you think about me🎸 & how you get the girl🎹

all you had to do was stay 🎸 & breathe 🎹 vs forever & always 🎸 & this love 🎹

mad woman🎹 & mean🎸 vs gold rush 🎸 & come back...be here 🎹

this is why we can't have nice things 🎸 & everything has changed 🎹 vs speak now🎸 & treacherous🎹

Round 1b:

should've said no 🎸& better man 🎹 vs our song🎸 & snow on the beach🎹

starlight 🎸 & back to december 🎹 vs never grow up 🎸 & when emma falls in love 🎹

i'm only me when i'm with you 🎸 & evermore 🎹 vs sad beautiful tragic🎸 & ours🎹

cowboy like me🎸 & white horse🎹 vs begin again🎸 & cold as you🎹

right where you left me 🎸 & castles crumbling 🎹 vs welcome to new york 🎸 & clean 🎹

this is me trying🎸 & state of grace🎹 vs question...? 🎸 & invisible 🎹

out of the woods 🎸 & fifteen 🎹 vs mirrorball🎸 & tim mcgraw🎹

i know places 🎸 & king of my heart 🎹 vs paper rings 🎸 & if this was a movie 🎹

i think he knows 🎸 & red 🎸 vs message in a bottle 🎸& tied together with a smile 🎹

i can see you 🎸 & maroon 🎹 vs picture to burn 🎸 & timeless 🎹

Round 2a:

wouldve couldve shouldve 🎸 & mine 🎹 vs speak now🎸 & treacherous🎹

getaway car 🎸 & maroon 🎹 vs gold rush 🎸 & come back...be here 🎹

dear john 🎸 & daylight 🎹 vs forever & always 🎸 & this love 🎹

our song 🎸 & you are in love 🎹 vs wonderland🎸 & youre not sorry🎹

the great war🎸 & you're on your own kid🎹 vs high infidelity🎸 & gorgeous🎹

dress 🎸 & exile 🎹 vs sparks fly 🎸 & teardrops on my guitar 🎹

new romantics 🎸 & new year's day vs hits different 🎸 & the moment i knew 🎹

haunted 🎸 & i almost do 🎹 vs the other side of the door🎸 & coney island🎹

Round 2b:

ivy 🎸 & i miss u, i'm sorry (cover) 🎸🎹 & call it what you want 🎹 vs i can see you 🎸 & maroon 🎹

last kiss 🎸 & dorothea 🎹 vs i think he knows 🎸 & red 🎸

seven 🎹 & the story of us 🎸 vs i know places 🎸 & king of my heart 🎹

holy ground 🎸 & false god 🎹 vs mirrorball🎸 & tim mcgraw🎹

death by a thousand cuts🎸 & clean🎹 vs this is me trying🎸 & state of grace🎹

death by a thousand cuts 🎸 & you're on your own kid 🎹 vs right where you left me 🎸 & castles crumbling 🎹

should've said no 🎸& better man 🎹 vs cowboy like me🎸 & white horse🎹

starlight 🎸 & back to december 🎹 vs i'm only me when i'm with you 🎸 & evermore 🎹

Round 3:

wouldve couldve shouldve 🎸 & mine 🎹 vs haunted 🎸 & i almost do 🎹

getaway car 🎸 & maroon 🎹 vs new romantics 🎸 & new year's day

dear john 🎸 & daylight 🎹 vs dress 🎸 & exile 🎹

our song 🎸 & you are in love 🎹 vs the great war🎸 & you're on your own kid🎹

ivy 🎸 & i miss u, i'm sorry (cover) 🎸🎹 & call it what you want 🎹 vs i'm only me when i'm with you 🎸 & evermore 🎹

i think he knows 🎸 & red 🎸 vs cowboy like me🎸 & white horse🎹

seven 🎹 & the story of us 🎸 vs death by a thousand cuts 🎸 & you're on your own kid 🎹

holy ground 🎸 & false god 🎹 vs death by a thousand cuts🎸 & clean🎹

Quarterfinals

wouldve couldve shouldve 🎸 & mine 🎹 vs the great war🎸 & you're on your own kid🎹

new romantics 🎸 & new year's day vs dear john 🎸 & daylight 🎹

ivy 🎸 & i miss u, i'm sorry (cover) 🎸🎹 & call it what you want 🎹 vs death by a thousand cuts🎸 & clean🎹

i think he knows 🎸 & red 🎸 vs death by a thousand cuts 🎸 & you're on your own kid 🎹

Semifinals

wouldve couldve shouldve 🎸 & mine 🎹 vs new romantics 🎸 & new year's day

ivy 🎸 & i miss u, i'm sorry (cover) 🎸🎹 & call it what you want 🎹 vs death by a thousand cuts 🎸 & you're on your own kid 🎹

Finals

wouldve couldve shouldve 🎸 & mine 🎹 vs death by a thousand cuts 🎸 & you're on your own kid 🎹

[luvhughes43]

https://www.tumblr.com/luvhughes43/762521546150526976/thinking-about-baby-blake-at-skating-competitions?source=share

OH 😃 Thanks for breaking my heart...

Now I'm thinking about her and jack being each others' best friends and how hard it must have been for them to be apart from each other 🥲 I mean, they were together from the womb (and even before that) and suddenly they're forced to be apart in order to pursue their dreams...and maybe, selfishly, they both (but mostly jack) wish that they could just be together again even though it means one of them has to give up what they love...........

BUT ALSO baby blake seems like the type to just be like "Don't worry mom and dad! I'll be fine on my own! You can just watch the boys so you don't need to travel so far!" and also "Don't worry guys! You don't even have to watch this competition! It's not even a big one!" And she says it every time because she doesn't want anyone staying up late for her or worrying when/if she falls during a jump.....and it kills her to say it because deep down all she wants is for her family to be there with her or to watch her skate her program even if it's not live....

im sorry😭😭

its hard because the split happens as soon as the family moves back to the usa. so not only are they being separated but now theyre in a new country and neither of them really know anybody. jack definitely wishes that one of them quit their sport so it wasn't so hard but at the end of the day they both love what they're doing so it was never really a question. they try to stay in contact as much as they can but blake was already competing in major competitions (ISU juniors, etc.) that it was so hard for them to be as close as they were.

they were definitely separated from age 13 till basically blakes injury (do we think she quarantined with her family? because if she was living with other family members so she could skate theres a high possibility they didnt get reunited until their 20s (of course they visit each other - but still)). it definitely makes blakes move to nyc after she retires from skating so much fun. she goes from seeing her twin only a few times a year to basically being neighbours. blake dating nico and being a part of the team that way also helps solidify hers and jacks bond which is soo special !! they definitely spend so much time together now that theyre closer.

baby blake is sooo truly a sad girl😭 this is the time in her life where her coaches abuse was really starting to increase and build pressure and the distance from her family didnt help at all. it made it easier in a sense, because blake knew she didnt have to try so hard to hide what was happening behind the scenes (she definitely struggled with an ed, injuries, mental abuse, etc.).

it was the absolute saddest/hardest period of her life but she truly loves figure skating and would do anything for the sport !! shes also so young and without her parents around she doesnt understand the scale of the abuse she faced until shes older and starts to unpack what happened to her in therapy.

she was soo the type of kid to tell her parents/family that she didnt care whether they missed her events !! i think her family also had a hard time connecting with her figure skating so it was just easier (not saying its right) to overlook her smaller competitions. it was definitely a really hard adjustment to make but her family did watch all her live streams. she just wished they couldve showed up in person more.

[spiteless-xo]

Im so sorry this ramble is so long but here u go🙁

The absolute terror that came over me when i saw the email notification for the new chapter😭😭😭ok before i read im gonna put my final insights here,, ive literally been scrambling around my house procrastinating reading it bc im TERRIFIED and honestly im so sad its ending,, ive been reading since like february??? I think???Idk atp but i cannot express how much ive loved this story i wish it couldve just continued forever🥲🥲

Ok my predictions are that this will not be a one way path ik tiff is evil and likes to fuck w our feelings😞 i think smt twisted like reader picking eren but eren not picking reader could happen BC HE REALISED HIS SELF WORTH MAYBE😭😭but im not intricate enough to actually use that to decide but i honestly am at a loss i have no clue,, its an honest gamble but i do think eren is endgame??? Help i have no clue😭 but i do remember someone analysing the smells? Vanilla is more home and comfort so like a foundation? And citrus was for summer and things but i was thinking how summer is a temporary thing where people live out crazy activities for the sake of it but the whole thing abt it is that its temporary like we always have to go back HOME to our foundation aka vanilla aka eren????

Thing is ive been eren for endgame since DAYY ONEE i only almost switched up once during the arc with erens confession (idky😞) but other than that ive stayed loyal LMAO idk if im just being delusional tho convincing myself I think she'll end up with eren but

ALSO my other point right

I wanna take this back to tiff bc she IS the author😋 from what ive seen in her tumblr,, a lot of the reader owns resemblance to tiff?? She's mentioned a lot how the readers job is based off her irl experience in an office and some of the readers habits shes claimed to have herself i remember she was saying how people bashing the reader made her think like 'wait thats kind of me tho’ i remember it too vaguely to quote but ANYWAY off the basis that the reader is in some aspects (not all) a projection in some ways?? Its gonna influence,, we ALL know tiff is a strong jean girl😭 we love that and so u'd think jean would be picked BUT in between chapters i saw a few tumblr posts abt her growing liking for eren? I wont deny that she is DEFINITELY still a jean girl but i think for some form of variation in her work bc i think as far as i know she only has one other eren story on her ao3 and so i think her growing crush ok eren may be enough to win her over for just this fic even if jean remains her favourite?? I have like ten million other theories but i need to read the chapter now i will be back😋😋 (im so scared im shitting my pants)

-

Im back!! its been like 6 days since i read it but i just didnt have time to write out my reaction after bc i was so fucking immersed i lost track of time and was late to meet up w my friends💀💀💀anyway it was such rollercoaster omd😭 the letters from jean we’re honestly so cute and i think the year time skip made everything all the more realistic in her choice bc she frl needed that break😭 OMD AND THE WAY I WAS PANICKING when that girl came out the elevator istg i thought it was mikasa,, with all generic eren fanfics if theres ever a third party to make the reader jealous theres some unspoken rule to never use mikasa for some reason and i was dying thinking it was gonna be her😭😭 commonly people use historia so when even a mention of eren having a new gf came up my mind shot to historia i swear i was worrying just as much as the reader💀 anyway back to jeans letters i was honestly like getting a bit swayed that i wouldnt even be upset if reader ended up w jean and especially considering how offstandish eren was when reader went to see him at first he was like not following up on anything like he was rushing to see his stupid gf (it was armin🎉🎉🥳) AND THE READER WAS SO CUTE FOR THAT GUNDAM (tysm tiff its such a silly headcanon that eren collects those and builds them i can see it HELP) and i think it was so cute seeing the reader and sasha as bsfs more bc i think there was long periods of time that that relationship w sasha wasnt as strongly shown so its so nice AND OMGOGMOGM LEVI????? U made the dynamic w them so well how he has that small bit of warmth telling her she can work there whenever she needs its the cutest thing ever i love it more than ever and the way levi talks abt petra UGH u made everything so endearing, and istg the reader has never been real until this chapter bc she is so right saying that a bunch of paper doesnt change him bc I KNEW AS SOON AS HE SAID HE NEVER LEFT TITAN AND BECAME BASICALLY HIS DAD that he was not gonna be endgame,, i always had the theory that titan and the kirstein status is a metaphor for the status jean has from the reader bc shes loved him for so long thinking hes someone that hes really not,, jean was painfully aware how he could make any mistake at work and have no punishment similarly to how even if he hurts the reader she will always forgive him so if he couldnt avoid reaping the benefits of his kirstein status then it means he’d continue to take advantage of the reader but thing is this status dissolved when she took that year away from him which is why I appreciate how realistic it all is logic wise,, Eren evidently changed and omg i wanna know abt the pictures on his wall bc when reader was first there there was mention how there were no family pictures or any sign of him really living there but when she came back there were pictures,, i was trying to figure out the meaning but i cant get my finger on it😭 my guess is that he found more purpose in life?? Idk bc that seems so vague and farfetched i was wondering what ur intentions were with that🙆‍♀️ and i had a theory AGES AGO that piecks ‘bad bf’ before jean or smt was zeke?? Bc knowing how zeke was in that gc and stuff like that it sounded like smt was gonna link together? I just think the added details abt piecks past was left unfinished so i was also wondering abt that😋 anyway ugh the ending was also so cute usually i hate when characters dance in fanfics but it was so cute and fitting for the moment like THEM AT THE POINT omg i loved it i love u thank you SO MUCH tiff for an amazing story i hope u have a good day bb❤️❤️❤️

omg thank you for a such a lovely message 🥰💗🥰💗 i’ll hide my response under a cut here because it’s long

reading since february!! omg that’s like the beginning! i think i dropped the first chapter on valentine’s day

“tiff is evil and likes to fuck with our feelings” 💀💀💀 yes.

ugh the smells!!!!! that was my biggest slip up frfr 🙈 i said way too much when i responded to that ask because i was so excited someone asked!! and you guys were all right of course. eren was home and jean was just temporary (like the summer season)

lmao ok literally. i was still a hardcore jean girlie when i started writing tbaw and even after i decided it was gonna end w eren. so throughout writing tbaw….. i literally fell in love w eren jaeger 🙈 and i almost fell out of love w jean!!! tbaw!jean is so awful he almost ruined jean completely for me

hehehe yes yes you’re 100% right w jean. he’s so used to taking advantage and never getting punished (w reader and titan) that he doesn’t really see a point in changing because tbh his life is pretty good?? but then when reader spent time away from him, her blind infatuation w him wore off and then when he tried to pull that same shit again, she’s like nah bro.

ok this is probably not clear at all, but the deal w eren’s apartment is that in the beginning it’s very sanitized and show-homey because he feels distant and detached from his friends/family after the death of his mom and becoming close w zeke. he’s like internally ashamed of the way he’s acting because he knows he’s in the wrong so he’s almost punishing himself by distancing himself from everyone.

and then after a year when he’s changed and the pictures are on the wall, its because hes worked his way out of that hole of self loathing and is happy with the person he is now. so he’s able to feel more comfortable, even in the privacy of his own home, and having his mom “watch over him” in a sense, and cherishing his previous relationship w jean and his ongoing friendship w armin, etc etc.

yes!! pieck’s bad bf was zeke! i was originally going to have her have a bigger role in tbaw to show like how eren’s past behaviour can affect people, since she was a victim of that treatment when she dated zeke. but i scrapped it because it would’ve extended the story so much and also i didn’t really like writing pieck lol

so there are like lil bits and pieces about the pieck/zeke relationship and how the way he treated her makes her seek validation in men, but it’s super underdeveloped in tbaw.

thank you again for such a lovely comment!! i’m glad you enjoyed it 🥰💗

[abinghospital]

where will i be in 5 years? i dont know. maybe still alive. and hopefully, absolutely happy. 5 years ago, i didnt know id end up right here. alive. working on being happy. racking my brain for a roadmap of my future. how do people just know what to do with their lives?

i used to wanna be a writer, only cause they told me i was excellent with words. but i also wanted to be a doctor. when i was way younger, i thought i could be a spy. i sometimes wish someone couldve just told me, "you were born to be— THIS." life would have been less bewildering. now, i just want to be alive. does it make me less of a human if my ambition isnt as regal? if i only wanna live, is my entire survival a loss when 2 years ago i wanted to end it? despite feeling like the odds were completely against me, i found a few reasons to persist;

i want a tiny space by the beach, with a perfect view of the sepia sky on quiet afternoons. i want an easy cookbook and the latest coffee maker. i want to come home to soft music and a cat waiting on the sofa. i want kitchen arguments about which cereal to make for dinner. i want wine bottles and late night films. i want random roadtrips to god-knows-where. i wanna be summer vacation for my nephews and nieces. to just feel like home and be happy. and if life would allow me a little more joy, be happy with someone. travel. see the world. bring my parents with me. and in a few years, gradually settle down. be illuminated with the warm glow of love and living.

and of course i dont know how ill get there. i didnt stay in school long enough to learn how to read my palms. the tarot card said, take risks and do something new. but what i actually wanna do is to fall in love with life. dwell inside beautiful books. try a stronger cocktail. get in touch with my friends. and to stay kind. when reality throws me the hardest punch, i hope ill carry the same grace i only see from my mother.

i turn 26 this year. my 5 year plan is to never get jaded. maybe laugh a little harder. to never run out of inspiration to create. and isnt this being ambitious? my 2024 horoscope is to be grateful. i definitely am today. when this year ends, i hope i can still say that i am and honestly mean it.

[theres-bugs-in-my-brain]

Dude

I’m so fucking close

In like two months I’ll be done

I’ll be out of this fucking hell hole of a high school

And I hope I can get out of this house

I want to leave and never look back

But god

Oh god dude I wish

I wish my entire high school experience wasn’t wasted on this fucking cult

Growing up in the Mormon church as been living hell

I missed out on so much just having to survive

I still remember shit of having to constantly be afraid of my own well being because I didn’t know if my family was safe, the people at church where safe, if my own friends where safe

Dude my parents OH MY FUCKING GOD dude they home schooled me for middle school then signed me up for a fucking Mormon private school taking their online course

I was so fucking isolated from anyone outside the fucking church

It was wake up, go to seminary at 5 FUCKING 30 AM, than listen to your classes talking about Jesus and how you can find him in every subject there is, after that go to a church activity, still have some time? How about we invite the MISSIONARIES over for a small FUCKING DINNER PARTY.

THIS WAS MY LIFE FOR YEARS

Im an atheist

I’m gay

I’m trans

I’m half Mexican

The treatment I’ve mostly gotten has been micro aggressions at best and physical/sexual assault at worst

I will never know what it’s like to just be a normal kid because of the people that preach they want “kids to just be kids” 

IF YOU FUCKING WANTED THAT THEN YOU COULDVE JUST LEFT ME ALONE

It’s so fucking shitty

Ever since I was outed at the age of 12 or 11 it’s been hell

At first I was fine because I still had my best friend that supported me

It was funny even

You’d be minding your business, then someone would try to talk you out of being gay, try to argue why it’s wrong, get mad at you for being gay. You’d fight back

Laugh at them with ur friends. Poke the bear with a stick

Then the tide would shift

Suddenly they didn’t try to pray the gay away, they weren’t trying to argue you out of it

Now they saw you as a threat

A threat to their friends’ sexuality, a threat to their kids’ sexuality, a threat to their own sexuality.

They where more aggressive

Often yelling at out, picking on you, singling you out, even threats that they love to call jokes

But that’s okay,

You’ll hold your head high

Stand your ground

you won’t swallow your pride

so you’ll fight with your words

And if they decided they didn’t want to play with words

Then you’d fight with every tooth and nail you have

You’d be very really win a fight

Like ever

They usually get broken up by adults or they’d get the upper hand and stop when they’re bored

A rare occurrence actually having to fight

But it changes you

Before you where creepy

Now you try to be off putting, to appear as batshit crazy as you can

But it’s okay because when it gets too much you go to your friends

Then

The tide shifts again

Your friends are closer to other friends than before

They stop hanging out

Then the excuses come

“My dad thinks you might be making me gay. Sorry. Yeah I’m going to have to block you.”

“My mom said if your mom weren’t friends with her, that she wouldn’t let me hang out with you, can we maybe stop hugging?”

“Being gay is one thing, but being trans is a bit much. You’ve always been a girl and i can’t see you any other way.”

“Are you just trying to be a guy so girls can like you more? That’s really creepy.”

And the worst of all you best friend

“I just think marriage should stay between a man and a woman.”

“But you said that you’d support gay marriage despite what your parents say. Your aunt is gay, and you’re a witch.”

“changed my mind.”

Now it’s harder to hold your head high

To stand your ground

You start to retreat

You cant appear normal for the life of you

But now you laugh at their jokes

You play along with them

Make yourself small

You’ll expire soon

It doesn’t matter

You promised

You took away life now it’s your turn

But you can never actually mange to do it

Then your friend finds out

He makes you stay

You decided to brake that promise but now it’s too late

Now your sister knows

You make another promise

Before you know it there’s too many promises to brake

They watch you like a hawk

Make sure you get better

But it doesn’t erase the fact that they pushed to here

You’re at this point because of them

And now it’s less than three months from graduation

You’ll never have a real high school experience

You’ll never be able to be a real teenager

You’ll never be able to be a real teen boy

What are you going to do about it

You graduate in less than three months

Can you make it to crawl out of this hell hole?

Or will you lay there in the grime you’re so well acquainted with?

[sonny-whorezik]

what really sucks is i wanted to hold out . i understood the situation and i knew they were struggling and i tried to let them know i was here as best i could long distance with minimal contact . but it had felt so Bad just getting maybe Maybe 15 - 20 texts a day it seemed with hours in between the majority while all i know here in colorado are couples who live together and call every day . i would just keep taking myself on errands , to coffee shops , bookstores , parks , ive felt like ive been dating myself towards the end because they just did not have the time for me and i understand why and i was willing to wait for it to pass and just be there for them if they needed me . but it has been hard . i even wrote in my list notebook that by jan 10 if it keeps going on to say something and if the behavior stays the same january 20th then i would be the one to break up for the sake of both of us . i was willing to do this another month and keep giving it a chance

typing all this out does help a bit , just moments ago i was sobbing in my car ; i still have 45 minutes of my break and when this post is over i will likely sob again . i just . idk . i feel like i tried all i could but i keep thinking i couldve somehow done more . like move back to where they live , or create things for them , mail letters again , say good morning instead of replying to last night's message and not hearing back until almost 4pm when my day is halfway over and theirs is just beginning . i wish i told them i love them more

they got nervous when i didnt acknowledge they were excited to see me in february because i was distracted christmas day dealing with my bank i should have told them how much i look forward to it , how it is what keeps me trying to be productive : seeing them in the future . i just had to hold out til february until i felt i couldnt , then it became january 20th as a last resort because i didnt know what to do anymore . i didnt know who they wanted me to be for them, how to be engaged when all they talked about was how hard it all is and how tired they are while i couldnt do a single thing it seemed but text , what could i do almost a thousand miles away ? im sorry i keep posting these i dont know what to do with these feelings and thoughts but purge them and have them acknowledged , whether or not someone reaches out which i dont really want , i think i just want to be heard . i cant tell my roommates due to our unorthodox situation i dont want to hear anything bad said about them from their ex , i dont care what he feels towards them or how he's never been supportive but still has been in my life knowing how involved they have been for my entire adult life . theyre not a bad person , ive never thought of them as abusive or toxic or bad or selfish or all these things people have told me to think when i just wanted to vent and be heard , not hear that they think we're incompatible . and i guess we are incompatible or else this wouldnt be happening . ive told myself this is just a situational issue and not The Relationship but maybe i have been wrong

i dont want that to be the truth . i swear it was just circumstantial , that it just got a little extra hard for a little while but we could get through it and they would know throughout this i would be there for them . i wanted to get them a promise ring while theyve been going through recovery just to give them something to remind them im there for them until the end , however that looks . i will never get the chance to do that for them now , it's too late and i am left just in horror it feels like . im so scared . im So , so scared of everything but ive always had them , now i do not and i know im capable of living without them , but why ? why do i have to do that now ? what could i have done different ? i just feel so , so sorry i couldnt be a better partner and i know they said its not my fault it's just where they are in life , but they didnt seem as sure as i feel about reuniting down the road after we work on ourselves. i just want to throw up but i havent eaten in 24 hours i dont feel hunger or anything but absence and anxiety . cant even listen to tmbg anymore everything i love reminds me of them and theyre not here anymore

[pinkadork]

I haven't really talked much but like.

Between being sexually harassed trying to get to work since my car erupted into flames and then paying that mf ( and ofc people i trust) to take me to work (when they do since its not like i havent been left either at the house or at work and had to either stay home, walk or beg people to pick me up, between my family hanging money over my head trying to get me motivated and help me get a car when i could really use it more to help with bills, the immense summer guilt thats just become the norm atp. I feel it. I've been tired for so long. I try to fake some kind of mojo on some fake it til ya ma it shit but i stg everyday is some other bs. I've had stuff get cut off temporarily in the past so it shouldnt be a big deal but idk. I just wish things couldve been different i guess.

I shouldve been fired ,which I'm glad im not but the anxiety knowing im well past the point limit and feel like at any moment im gonna either get a call that im fired or get dropped off just for my ID to not work and be stuck walkin back is constantly on my mind.

I always feel like im still messing up relationships with people i love and care about even though im trying and have been using the coping skills ive since ive been seeing a therapist again. Yeah i say im lonely but is more than that honestly, im just devastated everyday goes by like this, i had to address and try to figure out the situation of their stuff a few months ago because i felt immensely guilty over everything. I packed stuff up months ago im still washing and packing. Or i was. I feel like i dont get to so shit now but disappoint and upset people. I couldn't even explain that im upset because i feel like ive had to try and motivate myself so much just to live and that i feel like i dont go to work for anything. Hearing everyone talk about the good money we make at work knowing i havent been able to make it a full work week with out something happening irks my soul, even more so when its like im still trying and then either the response is try harder or give up and throw away the progress. I dont necessarily care about money but its obvious niggas need it. Ive been eating out of the convenience store or at work since August. Ive bought groceries twice in the last 3 months and groceries is being charitable because if im being honest i bought some breakfast food and have been esting on that to the point where i might be tired of it. I've always had to take care of myself against the stupidest of odds so sue me if im bitter that instead of chilling and relishing like everyone else about owning my house after being homeless and getting kicked out, thrown around, feeling like i have to mold into this nigga, that nigga to get through shit. I'm sorry that after every funeral, fight, breakup, sudden job change, shitty living environment, and overall fuckup ive done in my life wont mean a goddamn thing. Its always just gonna be something i couldve done more with, did better, tried harder. I dont want too anymore.

[thestrokesunofficial]

Bringing this here bc I don’t know where else ro rant and I hate bothering my friends. This guy DMed me today (while I was mid breakdown lol) and we like briefly I guess talked??? or flirted idk last year and I’ve always thought he’s really cool, but he lives so so far and idk, like he literally could be hitting me up as homies but I’m still anxious about it. And idk if I should answer or not (i will answer lol) or like what to say or like what we could possibly even talk about. And I know its just me overthinking but also idk, like I got my heart literally torn apart by someone at the end of 2021 and beginning of 2022 and before that I had self esteem issues and they honestly got sooo much worse because of that. And part of me cant help but wonder, if he’s hitting me up to like idk potentially try something, is it bc he’s bored and I gave him attention once so I’m an easy option, or once we talk what if he realizes I’m honestly very bland and boring and also incredibly anxious, or what if the weight thing becomes an issue? and like idk I know I should give things a chance and I always have guys who are out of my league in my DMs and they all get bored of me after 5 minutes and only come back after things didn’t work out with someone else. Like idk, I’ve always been reliable, I hate thinking that I’m most likely always gonna be someone’s back up plan. Anyways, this has nothing really to do with this specific guy. It couldve been any guy like even one I don’t care for at all and I would still feel this way. I just wish one day I could either undo trauma and like rebuild my selfesteem ooooorrr find someone who is just like very openly in love with me and stays that way forever so I never doubt myself. Also keep in mind I honestly don’t even know this person so I could actually potentially not be interested or even hate them! Anyways thank you void for letting me just put my feelings out and now I can forget this even happened

[reveriecorridor]

for the relationships game tell me about. kizzylien. go. go. go. go

getting blocked by half of tumblr speedrun any% [JOKE]

also good god im putting this under a readmore

describe their canon relationship/dynamic

christ. i dont even know how to put this one into words. kizuna obviously is a bit more detached from lien pre-timeskip bc. she doesnt know him. but he loves her. and he wants to prove that to her. its all about working through their issues and actually building their relationship on Trust. kizzy learns to trust lien, lien reinforces that he'll be there for her, no matter what.

theyre there for each other unconditionally, it just takes them a bit to See That.

your ideal/headcanon version of it? how does it differ from how it is in canon & why is this your favorite version? any other alternate versions of it you enjoy?

oh my god honestly i dont think my Ideal is much different GVJBKH54GN like theyre amazing as is. my only real Different Thing about them is just lien being a lot less Intense when he first meets kizuna, u know? like i get its like. thats just how lien Is, hes stupid and passionate, and mostly played for laughs (and, arguably, in a much better way than freaking. ota and moma also getting played for laughs) but i would personally tone it down juuuust a bit <3

what do you like about their relationship, why is it interesting or enjoyable to you?

auuuuuuuuhty9550085h4 god where do i start. god WHERE DO I START!!! like immediately uchikoshi already sold me on not going the weird "im going to wait until ur older SPECIFICALLY to date you :)" like. lien actually being onboard with kizuna's suggestion of waiting 6 years to see if their relationship either changes for the better or worse is... its sweet. it actually says alot about lien. like hes not the smartest guy maybe but he's still all in for respecting kizuna's boundaries when the topic of the time capsule gets brought up. and i rlly love that detail pre-timeskip :)

but. god. post-timeskip? literally EVERYTHING about them is interesting to me bc it means Everything to me. lien still loves kizuna. kizuna has come to love lien. but theyre both working through different layers of guilt (lien feels personally responsible for not being able to protect kizzy, kizzy is working through both blaming herself for putting her friends in danger AND not feeling worthy of being on the receiving end of lien's affection bc she thinks he only stays out of pity.)

which is. not true. they both have come to care about the other. but theyre both so deep into it they almost end up breaking up if it werent for mizuki going Out Of Her Way to prove them both wrong. like thats what they NEED. they NEED an outsider to just. break their walls down. make them See whats there already.

and while i dont think it needed to have been mizuki specifically (it couldve been ryuki. I WISH IT COULDVE BEEN RYUKI THEYRE HAPPY BC OF RYUKIS SMART IDEA) their relationship is just. its jsut so good i love it. also they IMMEDIATELY get bonus points bc kizuna's disability isnt treated as a joke, and lien doesnt have any sort of weird bullshit arc of "am i gonna be able to love her now that shes like this" or whatever the hell else ableds can come up with.

what about the individual characters involved? what does this relationship mean to them, what makes it unique among their relationships?

uuu uuuuuuuuuuuuuu Remembering when i went off to you during ur aini streams abt how both kizuna and lien are like... theyre similar. theyre both seeking a meaningful Connection with someone. they want that in their lives. and lien is Perfect for this bc it helps kizuna break out of her lonely rich kid shell. she needs this sort of influence in her life to help her see "hey, maybe this isnt so bad after all." and while it isnt outright Said, them both realizing theyre exactly what each other needs makes them unbelievably happy once they patch up. i love it. its about finding the person who makes u happy and "completes" u and being able to love them unconditionally no matter what!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

favorite interaction they have in canon

SHOUTOUTS TO THIS SPECIFICALLY.

favorite interaction they have in your head/a situation you want to put them in

HONESTLY. I CANT THINK OF ANY IN DETAIL OFF THE TOP OF MY HEAD? like ok maybe i wish we got more in the kizzylien ending bc them running off and eloping is actually rlly funny to me and i wish we got to see them being up to smth cute idk!!!

[kashimos-hajime]

no regrets (8/8) | r.b.

summary: For the first time, he thinks of a future he could have, and someone who loves him, and there’s something bright in his heart. Or, Reiner finally understands what peace is.

WARNINGS: MANGA SPOILERS!!! angst, mentions of violence, we get our happy ending :) pairing: reiner braun x fem!reader word count: 6.7k

a/n: welcome to the last chapter!! thank you so much for being on this journey with me. there are a few callbacks to previous chapters so see if you can catch ‘em all heheh 

masterlist

crossposted on ao3 x

Few months ago ymir asked if I could let her write one last letter to krista, and I did let her. I stood over her shoulder the whole time, watching her pen down all this sappy shit and I kept thinking about you the whole time, behind those walls. What you were doing, what you were thinking. Maybe if you thought about me. I dont know.

I’m starting to see the appeal of wrting what youre not strong enough to say to a persons face. I never thought Id find myself on the other end of this stick. for some reason, I thought that I could stop myself, resist the temptation, or maybe that I didnt feel for you as strong as I thought I did once I was away from you. I was wrong.

What do I even say? I mean shit, I can barely see, my limbs are barely in tact, and all of it—shiganshina, it haunts me, even though I cant really remember it that well. Half of it goes black and then I remember hearing your voice, I remember Bertholdt, I remember you screaming.

You couldve walked away. why didnt you walk away? It doesn’t make sens. Why did you think to cut me out? Why did you try to save me? Im trying to make it make sense inmy head. It’s not working.

Fuck I dont know what I was thinking when I asked for a paper and pen. Why am I asking you questions? Its not like ill ever understand. At this point, I think it’s pity thats letting Zeke let me waste ink on trying to write straight. He doesn’t know what im doing, but thats better this way. Better than sleeping—better than eating. I just wanna talk to you and this is as close as I can get. Its my own damn fault, but I dont care. 

I completed my mission. After this, im done. ill give up the rest of my term. I dont want any of that glory anymore. I dont want to be a hero. Im just done.

Fuck, my head hurts so much. I dont really know if what im saying is making sense. Im hoping you never read this.

im sorry. I wish I could explain it to you some day, but chances are, ill be dead soon. Whether for treason or because they need to pass on the Titan, and I wont be able to see you again. Which means youll never know how sorry I am. How much I

Thats okay. I dont think youd believe me now even if I did say anything.

I remember your dream to live by the lake with a bunch of kids. You know I started to wonder if youd mind if they were our kids, not just some orphans who needed a home. I’d imagine one of them with blond hair. Imagine them swimming in the lake.

Never told you that was my dream too. Never knew i could have a dream of my own, something only I wanted and not just something to further marleys damn agenda, til I knew you. Sounds stupid but its true.

I think youd like Marley, if we weren’t sworn enemies. Just want you here with me right now. make me sleep easier knowing you’re there when I wake up. 

Dont want secrets either. Fuck I miss you so bad. I feel s o tired all the time. 

I rember when i first saw you all could think about was how you were the most prettiest girl id ever seen. I don know if you know thats why I tried to distance myself. Knew I couldn’t get distracted from my mison. happened anyway. Wish I could tell you that. 

wish I could tell you I love you. Wish I could see the look on yur face when you try lobster for the first time. Youd love it. Not sweet, but tons of desserts here too.

Shit. And the ring on your finger. ill put a ring on your finger. I promised. i swear ill go home and buy a ring for the moment I see you again. Might not be pretty but will do the best I can.

Olnly wnat only wnat only want to see you again and beg for your forgiveness. Let you know if I had a choice, I wouldnt have done it. Would take it all back, nd stay. i wanted to stay, stay with you and the others. I used to want to spend the rest of my life in those walls, now I think im sick and tired of them dividing people who arent even that differnet.

My eyes are beginning to burn. Worse because the skin is sitll growing back. Fucking hell god I miss you. miss your smile more.

I know i dont deserve your forigvneess forgiveness. I want you to be angry with me. I deserve as much, and I cant ask you to, but 

With love,

Rienr

You fold the letter, eyes closing as your fingers trace where the ink bled, the old tear stains wrinkling the paper beyond measure. Some are older than others, and you trace over his name again, your eyes burning, your throat tight enough to suffocate.

You’re leaning against the wall as everyone disembarks. They had taken Eren off first, Hange and the others getting ready to depart for the city while Connie and Jean lift a covered stretcher too white for the vivacious girl that lays dead beneath it.

They pass you silently, and you catch sight of a certain captain approaching, his pale eyes nearly swallowed by the shadows haunting his face.

“Captain,” you say, straightening. Placing the letter back into the tin, you slide it back into your pocket as he folds a green jacket over his shoulder. You give him a nod.

“You made it out alive,” Levi observes. He stops beside you, eyes more focused on what’s ahead. No doubt he’s not looking forward to having to take Zeke to wherever he needs to go—somewhere far, far away from Eren. You cross your arms. 

“It’s good to see you, too, Levi,” you intone. Sighing, you step in beside him and look out at the Walls you can’t see in the distance, your entire body wrought with a strange fatigue that’s only sewn into muscles by adrenaline leaving the body. “I think I’m going to stay.” He tilts his head to you, eyes flickering to your face, and you mirror the shift, your arms tightening. “I can’t leave this unfinished. Not after Liberio.”

“The farm will have to be abandoned,” he points out. “The kids, too.”

“I’ll make sure I move them where someone can take care of them. Somewhere north, far away from the brothers,” you assure, although still, your heart begins to sink and you close your eyes, exhaling deeply. “I have to hope they understand.”

Levi only nods, and you open your eyes as he wordlessly takes the jacket off his arm and offers it to you. Grasping it wearily, you open your mouth to ask questions but he only sets off, back towards the cabin where Zeke is still being held, and you snap your jaws shut, looking down at the jacket.

When you unfold it, you swallow the hard rock in your throat at the blue and white slipping beween the folds of olive green before there’s a sharp whistle. Looking up, you see the carriages already beginning to load up, and you glance back at the door where the captain has disappeared through before jogging down the ramp.

You slither your arms through the sleeves and shuffle the fabric along your frame as something thumps against your thigh, and you frown, reaching down into your pocket and coming into contact with something smooth and hard.

Withdrawing, your lips part at the green bolo tie gleaming in the lights of the port and you, without another thought, pull it over your head, letting it fall against your breastbone. 

“For your services to the Survey Corps.”

There’s no time to second-guess now. No time to debate.

“Good to have you back,” Hange murmurs as you walk towards the carriage taking Mikasa, Armin, and the others back to the city. You tug the lapels of the jacket tighter around yourself and flash them a weak smile. 

The Wings of Freedom on your arm feel like a brand, and it prickles your skin as you climb in after them.

.

Distantly, he remembers flashes. 

Eren reaching forward for Zeke, the exhaustion ripping him every which way, the sound of ODM gear whizzing in his ears as he tries to make sense of the punctured sensation in his armour.

How he had softened his nape, intending to die then. At least, let his death have some meaning, he had thought. Let him make one last effort to repent for everything he did to Paradis, and to his friends who’d been more family than his own mother.

He slips in an out of consciousness for the next few days. He doesn’t know what is up, what is down, but he does recognize his surroundings blearily, the way his head spinning somehow slowing when he presses his temple to the wooden floor.

How can he almost hear your voice in the echoes of the panels, countered by someone who almost sounds like Annie before he drifts off again.

When Reiner finally regains consciousness again, he wakes to someone crouched down in front of him. Jerking up, he lets out a sound before a palm slaps over his mouth and your face is shoved against his own.

“Shut it,” you whisper fiercely. “It’s just me.”

Your name muffled by your own hand, his eyes begin to burn and you lift your palm away as he sits up and you draw back. You’re dressed in clothes that look like they’ve seen better days but you’re relatively uninjured as you pull back. New lines adorn your face—one of the many prices of their damned war—and you only look exhausted. 

Sitting up, Reiner’s whole body groans as he leans against the wall, but he can’t tear his eyes away from you. Your hands are hovering around his body like you’re scared he’ll collapse and there’s a fracture in your mask.

Something gleams on your finger and his eyes flit to it, his heart lurching when he realizes what it is.

The ring. You’re wearing it. You…

For a moment, a glimmer of their teenage selves shine through and he wants to reach for it—touch it so he can remember what it’s like to be happy. He thinks it’s an awful like now; the swelling of his heart so big he can’t breathe; the way his lungs are static in his chest; how he can’t say anything because there are so many words that want to come out first.

“You’re here. You’re alive,” he finally settles on raspily. Your eyes glint with a youthful pain as you nod.

“So are you.” 

And he doesn’t know who moves first—you or him. Nothing is forgiven as their bodies crash in an embrace that lacks grace, but they cling onto another like the world is ending and they’re the only ones left standing. 

Maybe they are.

He buries his face in your neck, and your arms are so tight around him your fingers dig into his shoulders as your body melts against his and his skeleton sags in his own body.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers against your skin, eyes fluttering shut. “I‘m sorry.” A hand against your neck and an arm around your waist, he wraps his legs around your own and traps you against him. You seem to only sink into him even more.

Is that enough? I don’t want you to hate me.

You suck in a breath, and then it comes out shuddering. “You can spend the rest of what life you have left repenting for making me fall in love with a man who was always supposed to die.”

Softly, in his mind, your voice cools the searing heat of hatred inside him. It’s enough. It has to be.

“I’m sorry,” he says again. It’s like they’re the only words he knows. He can’t remember ever meaning it this much. For him dying, for making you love him, for ever coming to Paradis. For loving you. For loving you. “I’m so sorry.”

“I know. I know.” Your face turns to press against his own. Your lips brush against his jaw and his eyes slide shut, tears rolling down his face. “I read every single one of your letters.” Drawing back, you cup his face in his hands and your fingers smear his tears all over his cheeks as his palm rests against your neck. Thumb stretching up to touch your chin, he feels sobs shuddering in his throat at seeing you again—looking at him almost like you used to. “I can’t begin to understand, but I know you are. And I know you love me.”

Choking, he gasps, “You should hate me.”

“Yeah. Yeah, I should.” You’re crying, too, voice thick, tears stubborn on your cheeks as you give him a watery smile. “I should hate Marley, too. But it’s beautiful there. The water by the sea… I want to be there with you next time. We need to go together, before you leave me alone, okay?”

Reiner doesn’t quite hear you. He hears Marley, and beautiful, and he’s never noticed how beautiful you are when you cry, but right now, it’s the simplest truth he knows. 

“Okay.”

When you tilt his chin up and kiss him softly, something inside him explodes from the gentleness that makes him want to crack in the palm of your hands. It sears him from the inside out, makes him grab onto you like you’ll disappear—this is another dream, isn’t it? 

It has to be. 

You can’t be kissing him again after four years. He doesn’t deserve it. You’re an illusion, something his mind made up to deal with the pain. He’s finally cracked for good, just like Bertholdt said he would, and he’s the devil, not you.

But then you pull away just for a moment to smile, eyes barely open as you look at him with a sad tenderness that wraps him in an invisible embrace, and he is faced with the heart-wrenching reality. 

The sky is falling, you are holding him tightly again, and they’ve lost their years. But you’re here. With him. 

He knows that this isn’t a dream as he feels the coolness of the silver band on your finger and the heaviness in how he knows he hasn’t repented a damn thing. 

Why him?

As you run your hand through his hair, you press their foreheads together.

“And I do want a family with you, by the water if you’d like,” you murmur fleetingly against his mouth and his eyes widen, cheeks burning, entire face crumbling as he turns his face in to your shoulder, crushing you in another brace. Sobbing into your neck, his fingers dig into your shoulders, wrap tight around your waist, squeeze you so close he isn’t sure where you end and he begins and your lips brush the shell of his ear. “Reiner, say it.”

“Please,” he whispers thickly into your skin, and you cradle the back of his head with a hand. He’s nothing more than shambles. “Please, don’t go.”

“I’m not letting you out of my sight again,” you promise. His breath is hot against his own face as you pull his head back and cradle his face again, thumbs brushing away the tears from his red face. “Just a bit more. A bit more and then it’ll be all over, you know?”

And he understands, then, what you want from him. Struggling for breath, for his lungs to stop seizing in his aching chest, he cups your face that turns into his palm on instinct, your face wet with your own tears as, for a moment, they try to pretend this isn’t where they really are.

Like they’re still in that afternoon in Trost, a thousand years ago, with the kids flipping coins into the water fountain and a cream bun between them. Like they’re under the tree, apple juice on your wrist and his lips on yours.

Like it’s those trips to the city, the walks on the Walls. Honey is dripping down your chin and he’s pretending he doesn’t want to kiss you, or there’s grease smeared on his forehead, and you’re reaching up to wipe it off his skin.

Like a thousand moments all at once, and he nods to himself as you brush your hand over his temple. The world outside is startlingly quiet, as if the universe itself stopped everything itself to watch this moment, and Reiner takes a breath that bruises his sternum before he’s holding your left hand where that ring still sits.

And slowly, he pulls it off, whispering as firmly as he can. He’s sure he fails—he’s shaking all over from your presence alone.

“When this is over, I’ll put that ring back on your finger. I promise.”

The smile that splits your face is dazzling. It’s the smile he’s missed since the day he left it.

“We have a lot of things to work out, Reiner Braun.”

And your fingers barely brush his jaw before you’re leaning to press a sweet kiss against his mouth. It’s sugary on his tongue, like honey and apple slices.

.

Your back is warmer when you’re pressed up against Reiner’s. The ship is quiet, and their pinkies are just barely hooked on oen another’s as you stare blankly at the empty space between Connie’s boots. You don’t speak, and Reiner’s gaze is only on you. He can’t look at anything else now that you’re back by his side again.

There’s a cut on your cheek from the fight just half an hour ago, and there’s dried blood along your hands where your knuckles had split open, but everyone seems too exhausted to clean themselves up. 

Reiner himself has a blanket pulled over his shoulders, and he sighs, slouching in his own sack of flesh.

Your head tilts towards him, enough that your temple presses against his cheek. His eyes close and he leans into your touch. Not a word passes by, but their hold on each other’s hands tightens. And Reiner thinks. 

For the first time, he thinks of a future he could have, and someone who loves him, and there’s something bright in his heart. Something that hasn’t burned since he left Marley as a child.

Reiner thinks he doesn’t want to die anymore. He doesn’t want to miss you for another moment.

.

Raising from the steam, you groan, your hands searing from the inside out as you touch your face where you swore every inch of your skin had been stretched, but nothing seems out of sorts as you glance around. Everywhere, all your friends who had turned just as you had are in various states of disoriented. The air is still hissing, crackled with surprised screams and shouts of names as people look for one another across the field. 

It smells like cooked meat and burnt hair, a none-to-pleasant mixture that turns your stomach.

Getting to your feet, you wipe at your face, trying to ignore the weird feeling underneath your nails and the ache seizing your muscles. Trying to ignore the remnants of Eren lingering like a ghost that won’t really leave you alone. You shiver, and a strange cold sweat takes over your body.

He had taken you to the sea, except it wasn’t the shore you were familiar with. There was a cabin nearby, with blonde children running, chasing after one another and a man with golden hair standing on the porch, firewood in his arms as he calls out silently. Or maybe you had been standing too far to hear.

“Eren… where are we?”

“Wherever you think you are,” he had said. “I just brought you where you wanted to be.”

A voice, quiet as a memory, catches your attention. “Here let me help.” A soft wind blows throw the mist, cooling your scorching face as you feel a presence stand behind you.

“Oh, thank you.” You look over your shoulder to see a tall boy, and your heart stops. Mouth dropping open, you stare at his foggy image, but he only smiles fully, a smile so tender it reaches every corner of you as you stumble forward, fingers stretching for him. “Bertholdt!”

His smile grows only that much more, eyes squinting a bit and a flash of teeth before he’s looking at your hand that passes through his chest. All at once, all the hope built up in your chest crumbles, and your hand snaps back, trembling just before him. He lays a hand over your own and your eyes begin to burn, tears slipping down your cheeks.

And then, softly, you barely whisper, “I miss you.”

Bertholdt’s smile merely grows, as if to say everything he couldn’t say before. As if to show he’s at peace now—that your last memory together isn’t every part of him, and your lips press together, trying to stop yourself from shaking.

 Shadows form in the fog, and together, the two look as a freckled boy and another girl steps out of the mist a distance away, beaming like the sun. Connie and Jean stagger to their feet just behind you, and your heart lurches into your throat when you recognize them.

“Marco! Sasha!”

Someone calls your name and you turn around just as arms scoop you up and you let out a surprised noise before settling into Reiner’s arms. Looking over your shoulder to look at Bertholdt, your heart only sinks.

He smiles and Reiner lets out a sharp breath beside you, settling you down. “Bertholdt…” More shapes emerge. A shorter boy accompanied by another taller one, both alike in their features. You recognize one as the Jaw Titan holder before Falco, but the other—

“Marcel!” Reiner chokes out the name, hand stretching out to the fog, but the boy merely tilts his head and waves.

Closing your eyes, hot tears streak over your cooling flesh as you fling your arms around Reiner again and press your face into his neck. He cradles the back of your head, and he feels… somehow weaker, but still, there is that impassable strength in his core that wraps around you as he watches over your shoulder, still clinging on despite your clothes hot enough to burn.

I’m alive, I’m alive, I’m alive, I’m alive. It’s the only thought in your head. Your last clear memory had truly been the others taking flight, and the pain that had ripped apart your body before sewing it back together again in unjust proportions. Your limbs had been too big, your blood racing too warmly through your head as your legs pumped but your brain screamed to stop. 

Your fingers had sank into Reiner’s legs to pull him down and you had watched—watched Jean take a bite out of him—

You shiver and Reiner’s arms tighten around you instinctively, constricting enough to let you know that his attention isn’t on you quite yet.

Boots shifting on the ground tentatively, your knees feel gummy as you draw back long enough to look at him. He still looks over your shoulder, and you follow his gaze to watch the mist retreat. Bertholdt and the other two boys fall into a pool of fog, and your lips part in a farewell, but it’s already too late.

He’s gone.

A wind sweeps through the battlefield, tickling your sweating neck and cooling your boiling blood.

“Hey,” a soft voice croaks.

Their eyes meet in tandem. He regards you softly, like you are the reason the sun rises and the stars hang at the sky. Overwhelmed, you can only cup the back of his neck and pull him into a deep kiss. Your other hand along his jaw, it takes all you can not to pull him into a bone-crushing embrace that’ll send them both to the ground.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” you whisper hushedly against his mouth, throat swelling as he lets out a soft noise of surprise as you pull him into another tight hug. You don’t care that you’re crushing him, just that his heart is pounding against your own chest. “I couldn’t stop myself. I’m so sorry.” 

His eyes widening, he wraps his hands around your wrists and pulling you back just enough to kiss your fingers that crumple against his mouth. Clasping one of his hands in both of your own, you close your eyes and he uses his free fingers to brush the tears off your cheek before reaching into some dented tin you don’t recognize.

Eyebrows furrowing, you feel the heat leave your entire body, sapping your energy too, and your eyes snap to Reiner who steps back, cracking it open and presenting it to you. 

“You’re not the one who has to be sorry. I don’t think I’m the Armoured Titan anymore,” he whispers. “I don’t know if I get the rest of my life back, but either way, I want to spend the rest of it repenting to you in any way I can, if you’ll allow me to.” A weak smile. “Truth.”

Your throat closes up, and you stare down at the ring so protected, gleaming despite the destruction around them. It looks almost out of place amongst the grime smearing your skin, the sweat drenching their skin, the smell of blood and metal clinging to their clothes, but Reiner only watches you with a tenderness you can barely meet. It’s so overtly overflowing with devotion that your heart is resting on your tongue, seizing control of everything. 

You barely nod, chewing on your lip, trying not to cry even harder as his eyebrows rise in relief and he lets out a long sigh.

He lifts the ring out of the tin, snapping it closed before sliding the band back home onto your finger and all at once, everything floods you. The exhaustion, the pain, the hunger, thirst, grief wrapping around your bones and chaining you to the ground.

It’s over.

The minute he put the ring on your finger, it would mean it was over. No more blood, no more fighting.

Just like he promised.

You barely croak out his name before you fall to your knees. You trust him to catch you, and he does.

[THREE YEARS LATER]

Just after the Rumbling had stopped, you had gone back to Paradis alone and came back with three children to a man who was still uncertain in a world that was changing. 

Since then, you’ve learned so much about the world, about yourself, about Reiner. 

How he’s seized by night terrors even now, just like you, and how one thing that soothes it is going out for a walk while the sun still simmers below the horizon, the sky a dark navy blue spliced with orange rays. The intricate details like him making a point to tie his own tie because his father never taught him how or the way he has to chug his coffee so he has enough energy to get through the day.

And some days are horrible, haunting, but now, it is far outweighed by the good. He teaches Xav how to dress smart, takes the girls out shopping. Sometimes, he’s spotted around Liberio with a flame-haired boy riding his shoulders, you trailing behind hiding a smile behind some ice-cream.

Different nations, foods, cultures surround you now—citizens of countries coming to settle down roots, spread cuisine to Marley. The idea before, of humans so different than you but still similar at the root of it all, existing, still blows your mind. The technologies that you had never seen before, languages you’d never heard, sights you’d never seen, had all swarmed you as you stepped into a new world with him.

But there is always one thing you’ll come back to.

Leaning against the railing in the port city Reiner told you was the harbour he had left twelve years ago, and returned to seven years ago, you watch the clouds travel in slow drags across the pale blue canvas hung high above your head. The water spans for as far as you can see, glimmering under the sun and gorgeous enough to take your breath away. You pull at your coat across your chest absently, ignoring the tender growl of your stomach. 

Breathing in the salty wind, you feel your chest expand at the litle fishing boats a little ways out.

Reiner was right. You don’t get sick of the sea. You never will—not of this much water. You still remember the first time you had swam in it, the salt-water making your hair crisp, the cold sweat forming on your your sun-warmed skin.

You feel a hand on your shoulder. Looking up, you spot blonde hair and warm eyes and smile. Your heart flutters a bit. You shift on your feet.

“Hey.”

“Hey.” Reiner leans down beside you, and you clasp your hands, letting the sea wind curl against your neck. Reaching to slip his hand in between yours, he sighs and you lean against his shoulder, glancing at their pile of interlaced fingers. “Are you okay?”

“Of course,” you whisper, although even still, you can feel a numbing at your fingertips. You remember what it was like to be a Titan, even now. The sensations haunt you—flashes of your own mutated body, the grotesque meat of your hands sinking into the ankles of the man beside you, the bloodcurdling roar spilling out of your throat.

Glancing at their fingers, you watch the flashes of silver of the rings play in the sunlight, your band now having a matching counterpart on his own hand. You grasp his hands tightly, bringing them up to your lips and his own grip tightens when you dust a kiss gently along his scarred knuckles.

“No,” you finally say at length. “I’m not okay. Going back to Paradis makes me nervous as hell, but we’ll manage.” He nods slowly, and you let go of his hands to wrap your arms around his neck. His own encircle your waist, pulling you flush against him and your eyes close at the familiar warmth—a warmth you’ve woken up next to most days for the past three years. 

“Have you eaten yet?” he murmurs, and your fingers play with the soft edges teasing at your pads as his nose presses against your cheek. Your eyes flutter at the soft heat emanating from his skin, and you shake your head, melting against him. With one arm still around you, he slants his body away from just enough to pull a bag out of his pocket and it crinkles as he hands it to you. Taking it, you frown and look inside.

A cream bun. You can’t help the crumbling in your expression and Reiner holds your face in his hands carefully, kissing the corner of your mouth.

“Let’s stay positive,” he whispers. “We don’t know the situation until we get there and Historia briefs us.”

“I know,” you whisper and his entire expression eases at your words. His eyes gaze at you as if you’re the sole centre of his universe, and he cups your jaw more insistently, pulling you in for a gentle kiss, one you ease into, your eyes fluttering shut as his tongue traces the seam of your mouth. Laughing, you feel his little nose scrunch and your heart bounds up into your throat as he pulls back only to kiss you again, softer this time.

“Get a room!” A sharp female voice ruins their moment and you pull back just enough to see a red-headed boy running towards them and Reiner crouches down just in time to scoop Xavier up.

“When are you getting married?” he demands. “I was promised cake when you guys got married.”

“I dunno. When you move out of the house I guess,” you tease and Xavier pouts, rubbing at the side of his nose with the heel of his palm.

“Besides, you got cake for your seventh birthday, buddy,” Reiner groans as the boy twists in his arms. “You’re getting heavy. What are you feeding him?” he adds, smiling roguishly at you and you roll your eyes as Alina and Anya approach, sun hats protecting them from the glaring sun. Alina, grocery bags in hand, waves. Anya, who’d been the one to shout, tucks her coin purse back into her bag before flashing you a great big smile.

Only fifteen and seventeen. You can barely recall what it’s like being that young anymore, but you’re grateful they didn’t spend it the way you did. They get to know beauty, and no limits at all. The former comes naturally, the latter is partially because Reiner spoils them rotten.

Alina picks a flower with velvety purple petals from a bouquet she cradles in her arm, extending it to you.

“For good luck,” she says. “And protection.” Your heart melts at her words and you pause for a moment, looking from the gorgeous bloom to Reiner, occupied with the boy in his arms making silly faces at him. Then, without another moment, you sneak the flower behind his ear and he reaches up immediately to hold it against his head, turning to you in surprise. 

“To protect the both of us,” you explain.

“Thank you. I’ll be extra careful now.” He looks at the girls, setting his free hand on Alina’s head heavily and she flushes, smiling grandly. “You three behave while we’re gone, alright?”

You nod. “Listen to Levi.” 

“And listen to your sister,” Reiner adds to Alina and Xavier. The former rolls her eyes, the latter sticks out his tongue. “I’ll miss you.”

This is their home—their family that tumbles together into a huge hug, and you can’t help but stand back, watching how they all seem to merge into one unit, unaware of where one part of their reach ends and another begins.

As Reiner pulls you into the hug, your heart soars through your body, effortlessly pounding in your throat and in your fingers and everywhere at once. Liquid heat pools everywhere as Xavier screws up his face when you kiss his cheek, the same way Reiner does after he’s eaten something sour.

And maybe it’s a bit different, or a bit broken, the shards of their bloody history still poking at their heels whenever they think you’ve forgotten them, and it’s most definitely not perfect, but you would rather have it like this then anything else.

“Hey, guys!” Breaking apart, the family look over to see Armin, Annie, and Pieck walking over. Gabi and Falco meander a little bit behind, pushing Levi in his wheelchair, and Jean and Connie are running not far behind them, shouting at one another. You stifle a laugh and Xavier shimmies out of Reiner’s hold to run towards them. The girls follow after him, trying to hold back their runs but the closer they get, you can tell the more frantic they are to say goodbye.

So this is what they’ve made a peace. Something, you hope, is good.

Annie bypasses them quickly, making her way over to you and you survey her face as Reiner squeezes your shoulder, walking over to their friends. Her blue eyes are fixed on your face, and you feel your lips curving into a smile as she shoves her hands in her pockets. Her hair is swaying in the wind, gleaming flaxen, and you remind yourself, not for the first time, that Armin and Annie’s kids, if they ever decide they want them, will be gorgeous.

Hope for the future, and all that.

She stops in front of you, tucking a strand behind her ear.

“So,” she says at length, “we’re going back to Paradis. I’m surprised you decided to come with us. You don’t owe any of us anything.”

“I know. But… you’re my best friend. You do the talking, I fly the getaway plane, right?”

“Yeah. There used to be a time when it probably would’ve been the opposite.”

You nod, and they stand in silence for a moment, watching each other. Two women who should not have been friends, but were against all odds. You don’t think you would be here today if it weren’t for Annie.

Your heart lurches and you take a step forward just as she does, her mouth open to say something. You throw your arms around her and she lets out a noise in surprise as you close your eyes. Arms coming underneath yours, her hands dig into your shoulders and you smile against soft hair as she sighs, easing into your hug.

“Finally working together on an actual assignment,” you mumble and her head tilts as her small frame shifts, a hand patting you on the back as a sign for you to back up. “Just like we always said we would.” 

Bluntly: “Just don’t do anything stupid.”

“You, too.” Pulling back, the two look at one another for another soft moment before you remember the bag in your hand and you shift the bun up in the bag, extending it towards her. “Want some?” Her eyebrows rise in faint delight, before she’s reaching over, pinching and tearing a piece off. 

You grin and do the same and you gesture for her to come stand by the rails with you, stuffing the bag into your coat pocket. Leaning against the warm metal again, you hear a seagull call. The plane you’ll be flying to Paradis floats on the water, the technicians giving it the final check before you take off.

If anything goes wrong while you help prepare and oversee accommodations for the rest of the ambassador group, you’ll remember to fire the black signal flare, but you trust Historia. You trust your friends.

You glance over at them, all laughing, and you notice that the flower has gone from Reiner to Pieck, who’s taking it out of her dark hair to tuck it into Jean’s, and his cheeks redden as he brushes it more securely behind his ear.

Annie catches your attention again, pointing out idly that they’ll have to separate soon when they finish with the plane, and you tell her to just wait a couple minutes more as Reiner catches your gaze. Setting Xav, who has somehow wormed his way back into his arms, down, he walks back over to you, and his hand trails purposefully over your back before resting at the nape of your neck, a reassuring weight on your body.

“You guys okay?”

“We’re fine,” Annie replies. “You have a clingy boyfriend,” she tells you. 

“I think it’s charming.”

She rolls her eyes. Reiner smiles, and you pat the railing beside you—silent invitation. He leans in on your other side, clasping his hands and watching the fishermen pull themselves to shore, singing a tune to each other—one familiar to all three of them and one that you wish you could get out of your head. 

“Soon may the Wellerman come…”

A faint breeze tickling at your fingertips as a sharp call for embarkment splits the harbour, you simply sigh and look over at Reiner. “I just want these last few moments to last.” His eyes meet yours, and he leans forward to press a kiss between your eyes. Annie lets out a soft noise of disgust and you bump your hip against her as Reiner pulls back.

Closing your eyes and lifting your head to the wind, you can almost imagine the one person missing standing on the other side of Annie, dark hair like spun, stained bronze and eyes like warm chocolate. He’d smile and tell them not to worry in that sincere way of his that makes you believe every word he says—as long as they were careful, they wouldn’t walk into any traps.

Your chest aches, and your lips tug into a heart-wrenching smile as you begin to sing along. Reiner slips a hand in between yours, pressing his temple against your head and you loop your other arm through Annie’s.

She rests her head on your shoulder, listening to your voice, eyes on the sailors bringing in their haul below them. Reiner hums the shanty softly, distractedly, eyes cast across the sea.

You tilt your head up to the sky, at the stars you cannot see but will join one day, and smile.

[vomitlyart]

Reading you based on your obey me Kin

i will be ruthless and im not holdin back!! ok now say it with me😈

Lucifer

I kin Lucifer and I have a hard time reaching out to my friends for help even when i know i need it. I don't want people to get worried about me so i mask my issues and help everyone with thier issues, completely disregarding my own needs for a break. in the end i feel alone because regardless of saying im ok, i want someone to truly sit with me and ask me if im ok, but i fear that moment because im not used to dealing with my own issues

Mammon

I kin Mammon and i just want to feel seen and loved. sometimes i do stupid/dumb things to get the seratonin that comes from making people laugh. i feel like no one ever listens to me and it makes me feel insignificant and like the last one to get picked. i truly want to be myself and fear that if im not the odds one out by doing little dumb things people will think im essentially worthless and most likely think im borning. I have a hard time talking about my feelings and want to so desperately, that if i do i won't know what to say or where to start due to the many emotions i've bottled up throughout my life

Levi

I kin Leviathan and i have very bad anxiety. i have a difficult time making friends and part of that reason is bc im scared they already hate me or want nothing to do with me. I know my interests are different from what is considered the norm but i so desperately want to talk and ramble about said interest for hours to someone who will at the very least listen. I get bashed about the things i like by my family and although i dont show it, this hurts me deeply. I lock myself in my room and indulge myself in my favorite things bc each character makes me wish i had certain aspects of them and makes me wish i lived an interesting life but bc of my anxiety it's extremely hard for me to do so. Im also used to being the last one picked and often assume i will always be the last one picked no matter how many times im reassured and deep down i want someone to relish in my own interests with me and truly love and care for me

Satan

I kin Satan and i have a horrible realtionship with my father. I Loathe my father and the tension arises every time we a near one another. A part of me feels terrible that i loathe my father because i know he has his own mind and emotions and i want to forgive him for what he's done but in the end I know it's fruitless to forgive him bc he has put me through alot of pain and hurt. i wish things couldve been different and we couldve had a normal bond. I also hide my emotions very well and am ashamed of ever feeling angry bc it makes me feel like i am horrible person. im also not used to affection and have only ever seeked or felt genuine affection from my pets. I also fear as if i have no personality and that im boring.

Asmodeus

I kin Asmo and i feel like i need to act confident around others in order for them to like me because im too scared to show people my insecurities because i fear they will never view me the same again and leave me in disgust. I want everyone to like me and I also can't handle when someone doesn't want to be my friend or doesn't like me bc i feel if there's something wrong with me. the need to act confident and cute all the time makes me oblivious to the fact that my insecurities shine through at times and make me even more oblivious to the fact people like me for who i am, insecurities and all

Beelzebub

I kin Beel and i have some form of sepreation anxiety towards my favorite person. i often get a sudden fear that something bad will happen to my fav person even though everything is ok. I get made fun of or scolded by my eating habbits and it makes me feel absolutely terrible because i'm trying. i also care very deeply for my family/friends and will do anything for them. i place unnecessarily guilt onto myself and perfer to do so, so that no one else has to bear the burden.

Belphegor

I kin Belphie and i act as if nothing matters but i secretly am very worried and care alot about my friends/family. I also stay up very late because i feel like i have no control over my life during the day and for some reason i feel like staying up late gives me some kind of control. I also hide my emotions with a sarcastic tone and usually think about the the mistakes ive made in my past while i cry in bed. i dont ask others for help emotionally and i want someone to care and listen to me as well as to relish in a calm peaceful life.

/Undatables/

Diavolo

I kin Diavolo and i fear that telling ppl i care about them isn't enough to get the message across so i constantly gift people things in hopes to show them i care. i also fear gifting things too much drives people away from me, i also dont get included much with friends and feel as if i have done something wrong. i also feel very upset when a fun time is over because the feeling of happiness goes with that moment, so i constantly throw little parties and whatnot to relish in the joy but feel upset once it's over. i can also read people well and get put on edge or very cautious when i cannot read someone

Barbatos

I kin barbatos and i constantly take care of others never once letting myself take a break. I hide my emotions behind a smile in order to not worry others and because i dont want dont ppls sense of depency on me to be ruined. i rarely let myself take breaks bc i fear that i wont be there for the person i care about when they need me.

Solomon

I kin solomon and i usually supress my emotions to hide the fact im not very used to being shown affection and that im not as confident as i seem. I also am a very private person but the fact im so secretive makes me disliked by some bc they think i dislike them. i also wish my friends would include me in more events with them and when they dont i bury myself in an activity to hide the fact im upset about it

Simeon

I kin simeon and i want to know and make sure they everyone is ok. i know just how to push and pull people's buttons but i wont abuse this because i care about those people. i'm also very hard to read and perfer to give people advise rather than answers to their problems. The constant taking care of others makes me forget that i also need time to just myself. It takes alot and i mean alot to anger me but once it happens it's not very pretty.

Luke

I kin luke and I want to take care of everyone and often forget to take care of myself. People often dont take me seriously and so i often i find myself baking as a coping mechisim bc it makes me feel in control of little things. I also have a hard time admitting that i care about others and i'll unknowingly show my affection that i do care about them by giving them little gifts and advice. im also very oblivious to certain topics and are i get mad when i get left in the dark about certain topics.