#like... i love so many of them wow
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Happy one year anniversary to In Stars and Time!
#ISAT#in stars and time#siffrin#loop#I truly mean it when I say that this was the best game I have played since Disco Elysium.#It pulls off some of the best examples of Ludonarritive Harmony in a video game...possibly ever?#Not to mention just...wow. What a great story. What a tale of twists and introspection. What a tale about the need for home and connection#I know many of you have trusted me before with media recommendations. Trust me one more time.#Do you want to experience the torment of being in a timeloop? And *still* have fun and feel like your time is being respected?#PLAY IN STARS AND TIME!#Do you yearn for complex characters and love unravelling mysteries? PLAY IN STARS AND TIME!!!!#Please heed the content warnings; I took them a little too lightly on my playthrough! They are there for a reason! Don't be like me!#This game means a lot to me and so many others. On the small chance the dev sees this (they are on tumblr after all):#Thank you so much for all your hard work in creating this game and seeing the project through.#It has been a year for us fans but many years for you. So thank you!#I hope it has been a joyful year for you! Watching as people descend into shrieks of agony from playing your game.#It's good! It made me vomit blood. I had so much fun! I felt like I was torturing the protagonist when I played it. I loved it! I cried.
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"jason is a knockoff watered down percy" NO hear me out, jason actually parallels annabeth immensely, sharing SO many similarities with her personality, not percy, in this essay I will-
edit: my full analysis is out now! here
#just adding that I think jason and annabeth are similar BUT they are SEPARATE characters with separate personalities#and i don't think jason is anyone's knockoff!! so don't misunderstand me guys!#trust me ik how it feels like to have jason getting mischaracterized so I would never do that!#when I read about jason the first time I'm like wow he's gentler but similar to annabeth chase wow he could be her twin#they are both genuinely interested in learning stuff. they both mansplain and geek. they are both misunderstood as conceding when they do#they love getting involved in debates and discussions. they both have designed temples assigned to them by the gods themselves#they are both seen as 'scary and intimidating' when they're just softies who need love. they are both overthinkers with too many plans#they are both soft for ppl w silly humor. they both kinda give off an untrustworthy vibe at first bc they know too much info#they are both also pretty suspicious and don't trust immediately. they both love architecture. they both have a 'cold icy' stare#also they're both TALL#I could keep going on and on for ages actually#pjo#pjo fandom#percy jackson#jason grace#pjo series#pjo hoo toa#pjo hoo#annabeth chase
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danny phantom cast explorations and thoughts :v
#🧻 sharts#danny phantom#danny fenton#jazz fenton#danielle phantom#sam manson#tucker foley#i have like. other sketches of other cast members hidden away. maybe ill finish them up but#for now heres my thoughts on the cast! at least how i would do it#i never understood danielle being 12 when danny is 14. MAKE THEM IDENTICAL!!!!! RAAAAH#i have a lot of thoughts about danielle and non of them are canon compliant#i may just be rewriting the lore sorry#danny phantom is like r*wby to me#in which i rewrite the things i dont like#i will say a lot of the things im applying to the halfa’s is from an oc of mine#because i like the concepts and find them fitting#its not stealing if its from myself. its recycling#i think the one thing that keeps kicking me in the ass is danny's suit. its a hazmat suit but its vacuum sealed HAHA#i love both vibes of him in a tight superhero suit and him in a loose hazmat lookin suit with a mask or smth. for the creep factor#idk im figuring out how i would do the phantom alter ego. ywlma has me obsessed w it being elderich and scary though#wow. so many tags! LOL SORRY#guess ill die (danphantom)
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hello guys it's me miss consistent art style!!! wrestling AU????? sorry i am smashing my 2 current interests together as ya do, gideons trying to be a cool pro wrestler and harrow is her manager
#tlt#griddlehark#the locked tomb#gideon the ninth#harrowhark nonagesimus#gideon nav#camilla hect#ianthe tridentarius#idk im not tagging ALL of them you know the guys#i been watching a lotta wwe and wow lately good shit lemme tell you what#i need somebody to like wrestling like i do so i can yell at them about WOW like please that shit is CRAZY#anyways i have so many ideas for this AU you have no idea#i have plans for most characters okay it all fits perfectly just give me another 100 pages to tell you about it#i will be drawing more homosexual wrestling if you all are interested in seeing more#i love being cringe smiles real big
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Tony DiNozzo and Ziva David ↳ UNDER COVERS
#tony dinozzo#ziva david#tiva#ncis#ncisedit#my gifs#my posts#mine: tiva#mine: ncis#userannalise#usersof#cinemapix#userthing#dailyflicks#usersource#tvedit#filmtvdaily#userstream#useroptional#otpsource#did i really make a scene set if i didn't make it 3000 gifs long because i can never decide what to take out#i forgot how hard it was to gif s3 tiva like wow what whiplash this has been. but these are better than my gifs 4 years ago of them#loving the new tumblr sizes bc i can make them bright and it lets me?? madness. still ruins it making them bright but i've accepted my fate#crying that they changed the filter on the first kiss gif like who approved this?? we need to have a conversation.#these match kind of but we will ignore the mess and embrace the green. moment of silence for my ps who had several breakdowns making these#so many things to obsess over still in this. the way she takes his hand? leads him across the room? the confusion on his face? perfection.#anyway it's under covers day tomorrow so here is an under covers set. need them to go frame by frame explaining this episode for my sanity
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[ cw: death mention / strangulation mention / stabbing mention / blood mention / self-sacrifice / codependency mention in tags / ]
I think a lot about how common it is for Raph to be the one to have direct focus put on him when Leo gets into all his near death experiences.
Like, when Leo is thrown off a building, it’s Raph who’s right there jumping after him, not even thinking about the consequences to himself when he does. When Leo almost gets skewered by the Krang, Raph’s right there to take the blow and send Leo to safety without a second thought. When Leo’s being strangled to near death, it’s a Krangified Raph doing the job, doing exactly what Raph would never, ever want to do. When Leo is telling Casey Jr to close the portal, it’s Raph who tries desperately to convince Leo otherwise.
Likewise, Leo is consistently very single minded when Raph gets forcibly separated from them. Both when in the sewers and by the Krang, Leo is dead set on finding Raph first and foremost.
I also think it’s interesting that during each of Leo’s near death experiences, the lightheartedness of his words during them goes directly hand in hand with both how close Raph is to him physically and how much danger Raph is also in in that moment. From a literal “I told you so” as Leo’s falling away from Raph to a soft joke about how “hero moves” are Raph’s style - both of these are on the more morbidly carefree side and both of these notably take Leo farther away from Raph and, in turn, have Raph not in immediate danger.
On the other side of things is the apology from Leo, heedless of the danger he himself is in as he seriously and genuinely speaks to a Krangified Raph face to face. Then there’s Leo’s freezing and desperation as Raph takes a hit meant for him and sends just Leo to safety, leaving Raph himself behind. Both of these involve much closer proximity and Raph being directly harmed - these together make Leo much more vulnerable in his words and actions, something not even the threat of death can make him.
These two care about each other so much, and they’re way too much alike for their own good.
#rottmnt#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#rottmnt raph#rise raph#rottmnt leo#rise leo#honorable mention to the time Leo desperately tried throwing himself into harm’s way to get to Karai#and Raph is the one who has to pull him back#I also think that it’s interesting how both of them go about self sacrifice#because wow they both have problems with it#Raph’s tends to be immediate reactions not even thinking as he throws himself over his bros#Leo’s are often shown to be ‘for the greater good’ (said greater good often being his family)#once again I am saying that post movie these two would likely have codependency issues#considering Raph’s already present acute seperation anxiety and Leo’s immediate memory of Raph standing over him bleeding#another thing to mention is how Future Leo’s actual death still falls into the whole ‘morbidly lighthearted words’ category#I also wanna point out that in Many Unhappy Returns the trust that Leo wants so much does NOT come from Splinter but from RAPH#side note but in regard to the fighting that Raph and Leo were up to during the time between the shredder and the krang#I think it’s interesting that it’s NOT depicted as screaming matches - very blatantly not this actually#also also! I totally love how the movie parallels Oroku Saki and Karai with Raph and Leo respectively#there are so many parallels in general in this show+movie it makes me froth at the mouth#and because it breaks my heart - the beginning of the movie had Raph getting angry at Leo and lashing out at him#the end of the movie has the Krang very very angry at Leo and lashing out at him#both of these times has Leo ‘ruining’ a mission so…bad parallels#in the movie as well there’s a Krangified Raph who beats Leo senseless#so I have to wonder if Raph and Leo just…can’t roughhouse anymore#else Leo would flinch or Raph would be so scared to accidentally hurt Leo like he was already used to do before#then suddenly their usual dynamic of Raph never having to be softer with Leo is thrown on its head#worse is if they’re so terrified of this dynamic leaving that they power through their own sufferings to maintain it
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welcome home!!
#wow gay people am i right#working on a more complicated piece so have this in the meantime :)#i love them so much cant you tell#i think ive drawn them hugging like idek how many times but..#LISTEN. one of my favorite things to draw are soft acts of affection don’t percieve me#ttcc#toontown corporate clash#flint bonpyre#firestarter#pacesetter#graham ness payser#firesetter
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Carlos Sainz | F1 London Live in 2017 | x x x x x
#carlos sainz#autumn posts#explored this event last eve and omg so many wonderful moments!!!!#oh to be able to time travel 🚀 surfing the web will have to do!!#also I'll still reblog and post RBR of old and Max related content in 2025 but#wow they have made some immensely frustrating decisions as a company#I do sure despise their upper management!#also tbh I am glad newbies get chances but it seems like 2025 is going to be maybe too many rookies maybe o.o idk I just got here#and I know F1 teams are probably trying some succession planning and lots of new brands hopping on seem geared to younger fans#and I love Gabi and Jack and I'm sure Ollie and Kimi are great! idk them as well yet! and I miss Franco :(((#but idk I'm already missing the older drivers we lost like what do you mean Carlos is fourth oldest he's my age 🥲#idk I like grizzled old men!!!! and drivers who are still in their prime!! 30s isnt old!!! (I know it is in the world of f1 but...)#idk I know big F1 is trying to plant seeds but they're pulling up perfectly gorgeous trees to do so....I just got here too!!!!!!#hmmmm rambling balogna from a new fan#also I dont like watching cars crash so really really hoping the races next year with all these green drivers aren't too bad 🫣#idk I get worried!! and all the engineers and bts folks have to deal with wrecks so#mannifesting safe drives and good starts 🙏✨#and rbr and vcarb are on my shit list for now but the Max blogging will not cease#he and I will both be in our sixties and I'll be here salivating hehe 😵💫✨#gosh dad bod Max 😵💫❤️✨ heaven help me the thirst blogging will be off the charts here#okay enough yapping!!!#wishing everyone a v excellent Friday!! ☀️☁️🌙✨#brb soon to spam F1 Live in London content bc oh gosh what a rich well#also I won't spam too much hehe I'll space it out#also the Little Mix girlies (gn) were OUT at this event so that was fun!!#an insta feed of F1 drivers and a ton of Little Mix bloggers since they performed there! and I like Jade!! I gotta check when her albums out#okay autumn out!!! 🫡❤️✨ bye for now!
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POOR GABRIEL MONTEZ! YOU NEVER SAW THIS COMING DID YOU? ALL YOU WANTED WAS POWER. SECURITY. SAFETY. & THATS EXACTLY WHAT YOU GOT! JUST IN EXCHANGE FOR YOUR BODY. LETS JUST HOPE NO ONE FUCKS THIS UP. LETS JUST HOPE YOU WONT HAVE TO CLEAN UP THE MESS.
#jrwi fanart#jrwi show#cw gore#jrwi suckening spoilers#jrwi suckening#jrwi gabriel#jrwi gabriel montez#LOOK FAMILIAR?hahahahahDONT WORRY#IM REUPLOADING THIS HERE BC i fixed up the drawing a lil. and also i wanted to add main tags#U WONT SEE ANY DIFFERENCES BETWEEN THISSUN N THE POST ON MY SIDEBLOG.i changed the image there too.HA!!!!!!!#ANYWAY.i rambled plenty about pain and gabe on my sideblog.SO LETS TALK ABT THE ART SHALL WE.ihad i very hard time getting the colors down#would u believe i nearly left this uncolored??FUCKED UP!! it was only a sketchhow did it end up like this. it was only a sketch...#BUT IM RLY GLAD I WENT W COLORING IT.this time i actually used the airbrush n pencil tools BUT i also have a handy dandy brush i made#its just the mspaint air brush tool. fucking LOVE THAT THING. but now its in fire alpaca and it can be slightly transparent.IT LOOKS SOGOOD#perfect for splatters and grime.i love you mspaint i love youuu.im also so happy w the blood here.i think i reached a shift last year#back when i made that genloss fanart something abt the way i draw blood finally CLICKED and im like OH. the inside must always be darker.#like i KNEW that already but it was like my hand itself finally had it click.i wonder what i will learn next?I LIKE THE ORGANS HERE TOO#not as veiny or thready as i usually draw em. but i think thats fine. not as WET as id like em to be but thats also fine.#i got the point across. the point ofc being WOW THIS IS GRUESOME AND PAINFUL AND TERRIBLE#I LOVE HIS EXPRESSION.i love pain and thinking abt pain. you lose yourself to it after enough time passes of just being in an ocean o agony#at one point its just too tiresome to scream or writhe. theres a point when the body accepts it.sometimes.atleast.#OHHH GABRIEL AS A CHARACTER DELIGHTS ME SO MUCH.he is a dog to me.a thing to serve others.I WISH I KNEW MORE#WHAT ELSE DID YOU WANT BOY?? SURE POWER AND SECURITY AND SAFETY ARE NICE.BUT DID YOU HAVE DREAMS? WANTS? PASSIONS?#WHAT WAS THE STORY BEHIND THAT TIGER TATTOO ON YOUR ARM?WHAT DO THE DOGTAGS SAY BOY?I WISH I COULD HAVE TEA W U#OHHH TO SIT DOWN WITH A CHARACTER AND JUST SPEAK TO THEM. AND YET. AND YET IN THE END ITS ALL TRAGEDY AND COMEDY#TRAGEDY AND COMEDY THAT IS SO SO PAINFULLY UNBALANCED. SIGH.#WHATEVER CMERE BOY YOURE BECOMING AN OC OF MINE NOW UR GONNA BE IN SPACE AND UR NAME IS GONNA BE VINEGAR#UR STILL GONNA BE SHIP OF THESEUSED THOUGH. OOOHHH GABRIEEELLL GABRIEL MONTEEEZZZ#HOW MANY PEOPLE WERE BUILT INTO YOU.HOW MANY DID YOU LOVE AND CHERISH.HOW MANY TATTOOS DO U RECOGNIZE ON UR NEW ARMS#WHAT WAS IT LIKE? ON THE NIGHT U WERE SIRED?WERE YOU EXCITED? DID YOU SEE YOUR BOSS' FACE?WHAT WAS THIS PROMOTION LIKE?
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Nicolibby:
#like pretty sure OP made this tweet thinking about them#like how more perfect could it be#IT’S THEM!!!#the quotations marks around not together is SO REAL#like please they very much will be together in every life and timeline#I miss them so much#also sorry for lack of quotes I still need to actually copy them down from stuff and that takes time and I have like 1000 things going on#but I’ll try to do at least one soon (remember try)#wow I use the like way too many times I’m so sorry#anyway love you nicolibbys so much#nicolibby#libbynico#nicolibby love#libbynico love#nico x libby#libby x nico#libby rhodes#nico de varona#olivie blake#the atlas series#the atlas six#ta6#the atlas paradox#tap#the atlas complex#tac
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OBSESSED with the weird dynamic between Ayden and Emhira. The dawnfather and the Matron of ravens, "you cannot heal everything" Vs the constant attempt to do so. The dawnfather says I love you all, clarifying this sentiment in such a moment of division and LOOKS at her last, separating her from the all? Or making sure she knows she is included? And what is reeling me is that a very long time from now, when the gods will have returned to the eternal beings they are, they will each choose a twin as their champion. Does the dawnfather choose Vex as a response to the matron choosing Vax, is it just that they cannot help but being parallels, life and death always circling each other. Now that I think about it , Whitestone is obviously a big worshipper of Pelor with the suntree being a symbol of him and life itself and the de rolos if I remember correctly also worshipped the matron. It's just so interesting to see all these connections that have always existed but have not yet existed.
#I am wowed by how Nick and Laura are playing them#like wow that is not only talent that's just something else on another level#I love that they sat beside each other so we can also witness the choices they make physically#like the matron shying away from his declaration? pheraps being uncomfortable with it#but really so many things that come into play when you assign a mortal vessel to them both#the fact they smiled when they recognised each other#like ' yes of course you are here'#recognition and reaffirmation through the other#and I also think they are both the youngest if I am not mistaken#which is interesting all on its own#cr downfall#critical role#exu downfall
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So, sometimes while playing botw/totk, I like to take out my horses and do long journeys across Hyrule, to take a break from fast travelling and completing quests.
Since I just got a new horse way down south (her name's Urania!), it seemed like the perfect excuse to take the long way to Link's house. Usually I map out the way before hand, so I know which route to take, and what stables/towns we are stopping at. Because I wanna feel like Aragorn I suppose.
This was the completed route, starting in Highland Stable, Faron, towards Link's House in Akkala:
It took us about 2.5 days to make the journey, with 3 stable stops in Dueling Peaks, Woodlands, and finally Foothill, with a short stop in Kakariko Village to get some supplies and food.
I realise now I could've continued north towards Riverside Stable, instead of east Dueling Peaks but. Oh well. It was a very pleasant trip either way!
(pics and deets below):
So, we took off from Highland Stable and headed east, around Lake Hylia. Crossing the Hylia bridge would be easier, but there's a fire gleeok there and I'm very scared 😌💙
It wasn't easy to cross Farosh hills on horse, but we made it! Took us a day's worth.
(I forgot the Big Twin bridge wasn't in use, so I did try my best to find a different way for Urania to cross, but no deal. I had to cheat a little and use the stable boarding function 🥺)
Then next day we took off early and stopped by Kakariko to buy some more arrows for me and carrots for the horsie 🥹🥕
Left the village by 9:30, passed by Wetland stable, and continued north to Woodland stable.
We spent the night, and I left Urania there while I took care of some nearby affairs (aka a shrine and a couple other things). She behaved super well so I mafe sure to give her some extra apples before we took off again 🥹
We only had a few hours of daylight left, so we only went around Trilby Valley, and stopped at Foothill for the night (horse girlie needs to rest and also I didn't wanna be arsed with all the stalkoblins and such 🙃).
Next morning we left early once again, and after some very annoying storms and rain, we at last reached home 🥹💙
It was Urania's first journey EVER, and she did wonderfully 🥹💙🐎
#this post will interest no one one but me but it's here anyways. because i LOVE doing these long journeys and documenting them!#me checking the map before and decided which routes to take and where should i detour: wow just like Mr Strider in LOTR#do i *need* to rest and buy food? not really. do i like to do it anyways? YEAH#i use fast travel (shrines) a lot so it's nice to take the long way sometimes#whenever i'm out and about exploring is always through the mountains and forests etc at random#so i don't always have the “on the road” experience. it's cool!!#especially if you've been grinding a bit for shrines and quests and stuff#i wish it were a bit easier to travel by horse tho. there's so many areas that it's impossible to cross#it would've been cool to have an alternative path that didn't consist of going around half the map#but i guess that's part of the fun right? yeah#anyways. this is a scheduled post!! i'm writing this quite late what else is new) so you're getting this at more appropriate hours#the legend of zelda#tears of the kingdom#loz#totk#loz totk
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Oh how my entire life narrative chemistry and perspective is about to be altered in innumerable ways huh
#oh wow I had not seen the key visual haha I will be so normal about this you guys so normal#DOROTHY FRONT AND CENTER WHO ARE THIS CHARACTERS??? I LOVE RHEM ALREADY NEED TEN PAGE ESSAY ANALYSIS#I will rewatch season 1 meanwhile oh wow I am like. shaking.#my favorite anime getting renewed I am so used to giving now I get to EAT !!!!!#look at makoto in the corner what a LOSER i am in love with him#who’s the person with the ponytail and earring I need to TALK to them#I have so many thoughts you guys I am so so normal about this#great pretender#anime
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I cannot imagine being a Damian stan right now. You've got both Zdarsky's bullshit (where he clearly doesn't give a shit about your boy) and The Boy Wonder (where Juni Ba clearly gives so many shits about your boy) coming out on the same day. The whiplash must be insane. I hope y'all get some nice warm soup for your efforts jfc
#damian wayne#damian al ghul#damian al ghul wayne#batman#batfamily#for all of the issues that come with having Steph as your fave having too much wild shit happening at once is never one of them#btw I quite like The Boy Wonder Issue 1. wow shocker an artist and writer who I have liked everything they've ever done#has once again written something that I am enjoying with art that makes me want to be part of its world.#it's almost like Juni Ba is really freaking talented or something#like I have some problems with it but it seems like many of those are part of the point. Damian is learning that his siblings are more#three-dimensional than he realized and that is part of this 'coming of age' story merged with fairytale#so I can't be mad at the oversimplistic defining of Dick and Jason and Tim until the conclusion of the series. that might be the point.#I hope that the series will address Steph as a Robin but if not then frankly it's not an issue unique to this series.#I'll be annoyed and disappointed but ultimately roll with it like I am with Babsgirl being here. There's too much good stuff here to get#hung up on shit that seems to be almost an editorial mandate at this point. at least that's where I'm at.#I am also very sorry that Chip Zdarsky is massacring your boy. he has 'X (Tim for him) is the best Robin so everyone else must suck' diseas#where a writer really likes one specific Robin and in trying to uplift them demeans all of the other Robins. instead of like...just writing#for that one character only or alternatively not demeaning the other characters in order to make his blorbo look good#it's wild because I actually think his writing for Tim is pretty solid. but he's not writing a Tim series. he's writing a Batman series.#and if you are going to write a Batman series and include other Batfamily members you need to actually write them well.#instead of assigning them like 2 personality traits while Tim gets to be a whole character#I accept that behavior in fanfic where I have lesser standards because it's fucking free. not a comic run that wants me to pay#tens of dollars in order to understand what the fuck is going on. he's been going for a while now it's gotta be a lot of money.#I can buy Steelworks with that money. I can see John Henry and Natasha Irons in a trade. Fuck you Chip.#it's why it takes such a special person to write a good ensemble story/a good Batfamily story. you have to be good at writing a LOT#of different characters. which I don't think most people are. I sure as hell am not. I can write maybe 3 at a time confidently well.#and you also have to give all of them at least SOME love or else people will be upset that you aren't focusing on their fave#and also the writing as a whole will suffer. Chip Zdarsky is a pretty good Tim writer. I'd maybe read a Tim solo written by him.#I would not read a story focusing on multiple characters that I like written by Chip Zdarsky. because every character who isn't Tim#is at least a bit weak/inconsistent/out of character INCLUDING FUCKING BATMAN. THE NO. 1 GUY MOST ARE HERE FOR
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the persona 3 protagonist 25th anniversary nui in food appliances!
#lizzy speaks#persona 3#minato arisato#makoto yuki#guys friendly reminder that this is what adulthood is about dont listen to anyone who calls you cringe#hence why im putting these in the main tags. i mean they're not incorrect for what the photos are about. lmao#anyway this was a very fun birthday!!! i feel very loved and supported by so many people and i got to do very fun things (like this)...#i think... birthday is like thanksgiving to me. in the gratitude respect.#a reminder of all the lovely people that i have gotten a chance to meet and how i've learned from them#it makes me very happy to have been born... i think every day is a great day to celebrate life's grandeur + brilliance + magnificence#it's just a very poignant and strong feeling that i have that i'm happy to have met so many wonderful people#and while there are some people i've only known for brief periods of time or people who i havent really been good at keeping in contact wit#i do cherish it! im so grateful. so happy that there are people who cheer my silly shenanigans on#while there are ways in which aging makes me go “oh hmm” i think overall i'm happy that i get to keep on living and learning#i have so much fondness for humanity and people... like even if i dont get to talk to ppl directly i just get very emotional yknow#like wow.. you exist.. thats so fucking awesome... i hope you have an awesome day... im glad our paths could cross#if you have read up to this point of my tags.. thank you for reading and being part of my life#i will keep on being the silliest guy ive ever known! cheers to more shenyanigans and self-discovery :3
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So I was cleaning up a few manga panels for my other blog, and darn it, I need to talk about my thoughts on two scenes in the Shimane Illuminati arc (specifically chapters 61 and 62) because Kato deserves all the applause for everything. This post will be for chapter 61 and I'll post 62 later.
TW/CW for character death, medical abuse, and mental health struggles. Content below the cut.
First, in chapter 61 we get this heart breaking page when Tamamo Kamiki dies.
To get into what I'm seeing with this panel, I need to give a brief (or I'll try and make it brief) overview of Tamamo. Tamamo gets introduced to us in chapter 52 and the first panel we get of her is her sobbing into the camera that everyone acts so cold towards her because she is sleeping with the head priest and not married to said high priest.
We are then told that she was an irresponsible and careless woman by Mike. We find out three really important things though.
Tamamo is judged by the people around her and gets a cold shoulder
Tamamo relies heavily on her daughter and the byakko to have the house run at all and has dreams of a fantastic family and house she has shown no ability to actually run.
Tamamo is in love with the (shitty) Chief Priest of Inari and that he isn't married to her.
We then find out:
That Tamamo and her entire line have always managed the terrifying and unruly Nine Tails by assimilating the god and becoming her, and that the town/shrine distrust her because of that, even though she does it to protect them. They ostracize her for the duty her family has and they judge the entire family because she had Soji's children.
Notice Soji isn't in the judged club and that Soji has never seen his daughters. He's never been to her house. It is always her going to him.
This theme of ostracization is something that pops up over and over and over again in Blue Exorcist. Almost all of the main characters had a childhood that was lonely and where they were rejected by their peers--almost always for things outside their direct control and almost always in someway connected to demons, even if they didn't know it, but I'll get to that more in a moment. Suffice to say, at this point we can see that Tamamo is isolated outside of her illicit meetings with Soji (not at all healthy as we'll see later on) her interactions with the demons around her, and her daughters, neither of which are old or mature enough to offer her the type of companionship she's in need of, which leads to everyone in this tangled dynamic having unhealthy relationships with each other.
We see Tamamo seeking connections and affections and largely being rebuffed by it everywhere except Tsukumo and the byakko. Soji's affection has strings attached, and Izumo is too fed up to offer any affection. The other members of the shrine ostracize her and give her a cold shoulder, and I'd bet money that they're vocal about their opinions any time she's around. (And they likely don't care if the kids are around or not.)
What I'm getting at is that Tamamo is lonely and you see that in how desperate she is for approval and connection and it mostly comes out with Soji. She does whatever he wants to keep her connection to him intact. We've also had a few indications thus far in the manga that isolation and depression and poor mental health are things demons take advantage of. We'll get more explanation on that later on, but suffice to say that Tamamo is not at all in a healthy spot to be constantly risking possession against an immensely powerful and evil demon.
I'll be honest and clear up front that I have no love for Soji and think him deplorable and he did not do anything to help Tamamo that we see. Rather, it seems he exclusively used her for his own pleasures without any care for her or the consequences their time together had.
I also think it's important that everyone know that Nine Tails -- at least the Nine Tails in this story -- is based of Tamamo no Mae who is an infamous yokai in Japanese lore. She has a long and complicated history with her origins unknown and a lot of political manipulation, but an important thing to know about her is that she is always depicted as a child eater. She devours women as well, and thrives on seducing men. She's beautiful and powerful and alluring, and she's manipulative.
So generations of women manipulated and regularly partially possessed by Nine Tails down the line, we have a shrine and town that reject Tamamo and her losing her grasp on the one adult who 'likes' her, and we see this moment:
We see her staring at him, enjoying the light atmosphere and gathering her courage (the sweat drop in the panel has me thinking she's nervous about this because it's not the first time this convo has happened.)
She wants him to come to her house and is trying to make it as appealing as possible. She wants a family and the life she's been dreaming up.
Soji rejects the idea entirely and pushes further by saying if she asks for him to interact with the kids in any way he'll dump her. The one adult connection she has will be lost because of her children. (Not actually. It's because he's a dick but she sees it as the children being the problem.)
She then goes immediately to Nine Tails to do the dance of spirit invocation which we're told this about:
So Tamamo--who has been isolated and lonely for at least a large chunk of her adult life is now seeing the one connection she's made with another adult (and an unhealthy one at that) potentially break because of her children-- goes to assimilate the Nine Tails in that unstable and unhealthy emotional and mental state.
It is heavily implied that Nine Tails started to take her over at this point, and you see her become more and more obsessed with Soji and more angry with her children, further isolating herself away from the small amount of support and connection she did have until she's entirely possessed by the vengeful and malevolent spirit of Nine Tails.
She murders Soji and tries to do the same to her children before the Illuminati take her and subject her to years of torture, all while she's still possessed by the Nine Tails.
One more detail and I'll get back to the scene in chapter 61.
When Tamamo was last fully in control of her faculties and saw her daughter, she saw Izumo in the same place she was. Ostracized by her community with no one but their small family to lean on. Her daughter was doomed to follow the same path Tamamo had, and at this point, it looks like this was a cycle that had been going on for at least a few generations. Isolated and connection starved women raising daughters who were isolated and connection starved children. Tamamo became overly touchy and clingy to everyone where Izumo became mistrustful. (And man does she have a lot of reasons for that.)
Now back to chapter 61 and the moment Tamamo dies.
She wakes up amongst the chaos of the zombie hoard going towards possessed Izumo, and she immediately intervenes to get the Nine Tails spirit back inside herself to save her daughter.
That's important to understand for her. She moved before the next moment I'm going to talk about. She saw Izumo possessed and didn't seem to hesitate to save her daughter. She has been tortured for five years and immediately moves to start that horrible possession again.
But while she's dancing to contain Nine Tails in herself, this is going on in the background:
Each of the other teens in the room came to get Izumo and they're shouting their support of her even while they fight an endless hoard of zombies because they came to get her. Tamamo can hear that happening and she can see that they came to help Izumo.
No one came to help Tamamo. At no point did anyone ever come to rescue her or fight for her. She was blamed for everything and was left to bear all the consequences for five years. (I am not blaming Izumo for that. She was a child and was not responsible for saving her mother.)
But with "We're here for you!" ringing in Tamamo's ears, she completes the ritualistic dance and frees her daughter from the possession.
Tamamo in her dying moments looks at her daughter and sees a community around her that Tamamo didn't have. She sees people willing to intervene and help and fight even though Izumo is pushing them away and possessed and not easy to get along with.
Tamamo, from everything we saw, was isolated and rejected by her community and had no one to support her. She was manipulated and played by her significant other and left vulnerale to possession by a society that needed her to do the thankless job and hated her for doing the thankless job. She was bubbly and friendly and still pushed away and rejected and ostracized until she succumbed to Nine Tails.
back to chapter 52
Blue Exorcist talks a lot about curses and ostracization. All the main cast suffer from it in some way or another. They've all been called terrible things and most of them have been treated as if they aren't human, and a lot of them have complicated lineages and may not be fully human which just amplifies the amount they're rejected by their peers.
For Tamamo, that curse was literal and figurative. The literal curse was the constant absorption of an insane demon that eventually consumed her until she'd destroyed what little family she had.
It was figurative in that as the head priestess and medium in charge of the rituals, she was rejected by the community she needed to support her. She was left floundering on the outside, always given just a taste of what she could have had if she was born to a different family, and left with a longing for what she would never be given and always wondering why she couldn't have it. (And yes, I'm probably reading into some things and filling in the blanks with hypothesis and assumptions.)
But in that final moment, Tamamo sees that curse of isolation and rejection has been broken by Izumo. That her daughter, who like all the daughters of the Kamiki line was alone, is no longer alone. That she has friends and support. Support that followed her into this hell and reached out to call her back even from a demon like Nine Tails.
I don't know if I've made myself all that clear, but I love the way that Kato has shown this over and over again and keeps showing the rejection of isolation and ostracization as any kind of solution. That she keeps showing through each of these relationships and arcs that it's reaching for and connecting with other people that brings change and healing and hope, and I love how she shows that through moments like this. It's a little moment that's so easy to miss, but it's so immensely huge when looked at in the context of the entirety of Tamamo's life.
I wish she knew that they would have come for her if they'd known she'd been there all this time. I wish she'd have found a community to support her and I wish she'd had someone to tell her Soji was a dick and she could do better.
I wish she could see Izumo now, still connected to her friends and even though it's the end of the world, she's fighting with and beside them. That she's seeking out connections and learned her lesson about not needing to be alone. That she's teased and loved and welcomed.
But I'm pretty sure in that final moment, she saw it all anyway.
As always, check out my tag #raven rambles for more aoex meta and analysis
#blue exorcist#ao no exorcist#izumo kamiki#tamamo kamiki#manga discussion#shimane illuminati arc#it has occurred to me i could have used anime screenshots#but honestly it's easier to get the manga#and i still forget i have it all animated sometimes xD#wow that got long#raven ramble#i love this story so much#and god the way she writes about connections and relationships#and how she uses so many types#i love it so much#shura and ryuuji and shirou and izumo and rin and yukio#gah#i could write lengthy essays on all of them and still not feel like i've conveyed my thoughts
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