#like. what if i said syd and luca should get to make out. as a little treat

[francesderwent]

literally so difficult to be 1) a person who believes that hooking up indiscriminately is actually so so terrible for people 2) a person who watches a lot of television and is steeped in the usual tv relationship trajectories 3) a person who enjoys watching dynamics of all sorts play out onscreen and 4) a person who really wants all characters all the time to get a romantic happy ending

[outmakingmoonshine]

The hug was awkward and he didn't even look at her but:

his hand on her waist 😭 then immediately he finds her waist again to guide her to their table

And he keeps it there as he introduces her to the table of his peers as "Chef Sydney", something they'll all know is used as a sign of respect. He's immediately letting them know he respects her in the kitchen and she's gets their world, she's one of them

And it's still there...they've stopped at the table now, he's not guiding her anymore but his hand's still just resting on her waist while he stops to casually wave to a work friend??? He only lets Syd go right before he introduces her to Luca.

Why does this look and feel like a man proudly introducing his gf/wife to all his work friends?!! It's so domestic!

This was an unnecessary amount of time to keep his hand on his "platonic" business partner tbh and it reminds me of the signals men subtly give each other in situations like this to make it clear the person is his, she's with him "like that" so no one else should try anything with her. Very selfish of him tbh but he's also very much in love with her and unable to help himself.

Not to mention, other than Evil Chef, that table/room is probably full of the majority of people he knows, spent time with and has respect for outside of his family, everyone connected to his past etc and he asked, no INSISTED, Sydney came with him to meet them all 😭😭

I think he wanted Syd to come as moral support bc he knew EC would be there. When Syd said everyone will be there Carmy was like "Yeah, everyone 😐" like he was thinking of seeing EC again. The next thing he says is Syd should come. Then she said no and insisted, he even cracked a small chuckle as it became like he was asking her out. And saying what sounds like much more than it seems on the surface:

"Syd, it's forEver."

"Yeah I know."

"So what are you talking about? You should come"

"Okay."

"Good."

"Good."

The way Jeremy delivered that dialogue gives me the same vibes as "Family style? Two tops? Booths?". He's saying one thing but asking her a whole other thing in the unspoken language they share.

[chefkids]

As much as I love sydcarmy, I really don’t think they’re going to become romantic. Especially after this season. If Storer really only planned for 3 seasons and had to split it into half, it doesn’t make sense. The show doesn’t have enough episodes to really develop them to where both realize their feelings (if they’re really there) and then be in a place to get together in a way that it doesn’t feel rushed

I don't think Storers big plan for this series is to leave Carmy in a miserable lonely place.

This season already set up a few things with Claire. Mainly that she does not seem interested in getting back together with him. She's a pushy person, she was not afraid to push him to be with her once. If she really wanted to she would have pushed again and talked to him to get him to apologize and be with her again just how she forced him to apologize on the phone for giving her a fake number. I think she's hurt he hasn't talked to her at all or apologized, but she does not want to be with him again. She told Tiff he basically said he would blame her if anything went wrong in his life. Which is really not what Carmy meant, and I think that will be part of their fight when he does apologize to her. She also told the Faks "it's done." when they were saying she's the peace and that he loves her and that she should get back with him to "take care of him because no one else does". I don't think she wants to be with him again and has accepted they shouldn't be together, and I think that will be the end of their relationship once he apologizes to her. I do not think Storer plans on making Claire his emotional caretaker. And the same goes for Syd. She's not his babysitter either.

She's running out of time to decide on her partnership offers. Which I think will be address right at the start of the next season and will be the turning point for Carmy to get his shit together.

This story is about family and found family, they have made that very clear and it has always remained true though out all the season. Sydney is stuck because she doesn't want to leave her found family, but Carmy is a toxic family member. Carmy left his family because of his toxic mother, but we've seen how Nat and her were able to rebuild their trust and come back to each other. Jimmy told him his mom wants to speak to him. He knows he's been avoiding her, but he will see her again, even if he doesn't fully forgive her for what has happened between them, I think Donna and Carmy will be on an okay place even if they don't stay close and speaking with each other. Which I think also mirrors Storer's relationship with his own mom that he has talked about.

We already know next half will be all about him rebuilding his broken relationships with everyone by apologizing to Claire and getting closure, fixing things with Richie, and reuniting with his mother. There has been evidence for all of these. And I'm sure finally fixing things with Sydney in the end will also be a part on the next season.

I think she will make moves to leave and tell him about the offer, and I think she will likely develop some sort of relationship with Luca. But we also know that he comes with an expiration date, he's only here for a few months. That was the set up, while Carmy was not paying attention to Sydney, she was getting scooped up professionally and personally. I really don't think her and Luca will work out long term. But I'm still uncertain about Sydney leaving The Bear. We know Jimmy was going to cut them off if they got a bad review, which is apparently what they got, and I think that might actually happen. I could still see The Bear closing next season and everyone going their own ways professionally, but remaining a family at heart.

That conversation about Legacy and family trees Carmy had with Marcus really seemed to me to foreshadow Sydney starting her own place and taking bits of The Bear with her and also Marcus perhaps starting his own place or going somewhere else. Carmy said he wants to leave behind something "panickless and anxiety free" and I do think he will get there in the end, but I think that might involve closing The Bear or at the very least him stepping away from it and handing the reins to Sydney. I think there was a lot of emphasis on his drawings especially from Chef Terry, and I think that will still play a role in his future and him pursuing his passions which might be beyond cooking.

I do not think this is all going to end on a sad and miserable note. If this part's theme was about funerals, Marcus's mom and Ever. The next will be about weddings. We know Tiff and Frank's wedding is coming. A big theme for Richie was the idea of him being alone/lonely. He's also very clearly starting something with Jess and I think that will continue in the next part. I think Syd and Carmy's "partnership", be it professional or romantic, working out will also be a part of these "weddings".

I don't think Storer is as stupid and oblivious as we sometimes think he is. He knows that Syd and Carmy have a crazy transcendental celestial bond that Claire and Carmy don't. He knew the implications of the Season 2 panic attack. As much as Season 3 felt like retcon to justify Claire and Carmy being true loved or something, he still doubled down on Syd and Carmy's invisible string, on her being his muse, and on her being his actual peace in panic attacks despite any lies Carmy tries to tells himself about it being Claire.

I think they will unambiguously break the platonic allegations by the end of the series. Will they have the guts to show us their relationship and partnership outside of the kitchen in the show beyond just them getting together at the last minute? Unsure.

I think he probably intended on ending the series with Syd and Carmy getting together at the last second. Especially if you consider John Hughes' Some Kind of Wonderful, which I do think inspired his Claire/Carmy/Syd dynamic, ended with them getting together and kissing right before the screen turns black. Which would honestly be a lame cop out and really quite offensive to Syd to not show their full partnership in motion after giving so much screen time to Claire/Carmy's romantic life and would only feed the people that will claim it's fanservice to end with sydcarmy.

I think that's what the ambiguity of there being a Season 5 or not is. We know the studios want it, sydcarmy is making them a lot of noise and a huge subset of people would love to actually see it play out on screen for more than 10 minutes at the series finale, but does Storer want to actually make a season about more than Carmy being miserable and show that people can heal and exist in a functioning relationships and a functioning kitchen and still be funny and exciting and entertaining? Who knows.

[badwritinghabit]

Chef's Kiss | Carmy x fem!OC x Luca | Chapter 7

Previous Chapter | Next Chapter | Masterlist | Ao3

Warnings: none this chapter! Let me know if you see anything you think I should add.

Word Count: 5,033

Summary: Luca invites Sophie to a night out with his chef friends where Carmy and Claire are surprise guests. And Sophie and Luca spend a day together as tourists.

As he dropped her off, Luca invited Sophie to join him for tapas with some of his chef friends later that night. He said he’d call her later when they were headed to the restaurant. Some part of her assumed he’d change his mind. This was a one night thing, surely. He’d return to Copenhagen and she’d never see him again. But even so, she felt lighter than she had in a long time.

She spent the morning lazily reading and listening to music, feeling good. She was tempted to text her sister, she wanted to tell someone about what had happened. But Mallary was on vacation with her family and she didn’t want to interrupt.

Syd texted her in the early afternoon asking if she wanted to join her to get lunch at another restaurant on her list. She was on a mission to try as much new food as possible in the lead up to the opening of The Bear and Sophie had joined a few other times to keep her company and to expand her restaurant experience in Chicago. Sophie eagerly accepted her invite, knowing Syd also wanted to talk about what ended up happening with Luca.

They talked over pancit and lumpia. She filled Syd in on the date, no sordid details, but blushing enough when she talked about him inviting her back to his hotel that Syd grinned and Sophie felt she basically knew everything anyways.

“He invited me to come out with his friends tonight. It’s strange, right? It seems like a lot for something casual.”

“Maybe he likes you and wants more than casual?” Syd asked, taking a sip of water.

“He lives in Copenhagen. That seems unlikely.”

Syd shrugged. “So are you going to see him again tonight? Night two?” She was smirking at Sophie.

“Syd, I’m a little worried this is the best sex I will ever have. If he wants a night 2, I will be there.”

Syd laughed loudly and Sophie swatted her arm with a laugh of her own. “You said it had been a while right?” she asked at her nod, she shrugged. “Don’t build him up in your head too much. You have nothing to compare him to. College boyfriends are not the best measuring stick for sexual prowess.”

“You’re not wrong there,” she accepted. “I do feel a bit like a teenager. Honestly it is kind of embarrassing.”

“You’re down bad.” Syd nodded, faking understanding.

As if being summoned, Sophie’s phone started ringing. It was Luca.

“Hey,” she answered, motioning to Syd to be quiet. Syd shook her head with a silent laugh.

“Hello. I’m with some chef friends and we made our way to Boystown early, I thought I’d see if you wanted to join us early. We’re going to a bar.”

“I’m actually eating with Syd right now,” she said, biting her lip. “I’d still be up for joining afterwards though.”

“Yeah that sounds good. I’ll let you know when we are headed to the bar.”

“See you then,” she said, voice a little too excited. She hung up and looked at Syd’s grinning face.

“See you then.” Syd teased her. Sophie groaned and put her head in her hands. “Down bad.”

—

She was, she realized. As she walked into the bar lobby and felt her whole body light up when she saw Luca. She made herself walk over calmly and not call out to him or do anything embarrassing.

He greeted her with a hug and kiss on the cheek- the kiss surprising her a little- and then introduced her to his friends. Sebastian, Lyssie, and Carlo, all Chicago area chefs. They were intimidating and a little too much like the chefs she usually avoided. All eager to talk about their newest accomplishments.

She tried to make a good impression, be complementary and kind. But she ended up feeling most comfortable with Lyssie’s wife, Laura. She seemed equally uninterested in hearing the gossip about the chef who had added too much lemon juice in a reviewer’s dish and had never recovered. The two ended up by the bar chatting for a bit and then she stuck close to her when they rejoined the group. Laura was a science writer working on a book and the two bonded over writing.

Sophie picked a bit at the tapas and eventually wandering back over to the chefs who happened to be talking about Chef Thomas, the owner of the restaurant she worked at in San Diego.

“You worked with Johann Thomas, didn’t you?” Luca asked as she joined them, pulling her into the conversation.

“I did. Ivy Green. Fantastic restaurant.”

“He’s a handful. Very old school techniques.” Sebastian added, looking judgmental.

“He’s unbelievably talented,” she said with a warm smile, wanting to defend her friend but not wanting to get into a debate. She watched as recognition flashed in his eyes.

“Wait, you’re Sophie Miller?” Sebastian asked, looking shocked.

“Yeah?” she responded, more of a question.

“Of course. I didn’t put it together,” Sebastian said, eyes still wide. “He certainly speaks highly of you. I saw him last year. He said you and Carmen were the only chefs under the age of 50 that were worth seeking out for their food.” Sebastian explained.

Sophie squinted, unsure. “That doesn’t sound right. He was on my ass the whole time I was there. Said I julienned carrots like a fuckhead.” She laughed to herself. “Once Chef Thomas found out I worked with Carmy he constantly talked about how much worse I was than him.”

“That’s not what he says to other people.” Suddenly, Sebastian seemed much more interested in her. It annoyed her a little.

They were interrupted before she had to respond. Carmy and Claire walked in the restaurant. Sophie smiled at the two of them, trying to remain calm. She didn’t know Claire would be coming- didn’t think about it. But she realized this was a good way to get the introduction over with. Lots of other people around to help hide her nerves.

Carmy did the rounds, shaking hands. He seemed as uncomfortable as she was.

“Carmen Berzatto and Sophie Miller in one place. We were just talking about Chef Thomas’ favorites.” Sebastian said after a bit, seeming to want to get back to that conversation. Carmy just nodded.

“I still don’t know about this favorite thing. Whenever I talk to him he asks if I’ve learned how to sharpen my knives yet. One time he caught me slacking. Never gonna live that down.” She grinned, trying to get Sebastian off her case with a joke.

“He said your sister single handedly took out the best up and coming chef,” he said, curiously.

Sophie froze, drink pressed against her lips. She wanted to be flattered, she respected Chef Thomas’s opinion greatly. But she hadn’t been prepared to talk about her sister. And her heart started racing. “He has a flair for the dramatics, hasn’t he?” she asked with a shaky smile.

Carmy chimed in. “He does. Remember the year he wore a gold suit to the James Beard award ceremony?”

Sophie looked to Carmy gratefully as everyone changed direction and started talking about the James Beard awards. She was surprised he spoke up, he so rarely did in these types of conversations.

“Does anyone else need anything?” she asked, motioning towards the bar, wanting to escape for a second to catch her breath. Carmy volunteered to go with her and Claire followed.

“It’s so nice to finally meet you,” she said, reaching a hand out to shake Claire’s. She wasn’t going to get the break she wanted but it would be good to talk to Claire. She should get it over with.

“You too. Carmy has told me a lot about you.” Claire smiled, her hand sliding into Carmy’s. “I didn’t know you were coming tonight.”

“I didn’t either,” Sophie said with a small smile as she sidled up to the bar. She looked at Carmy for a second with a grimace. “Luca invited me. I think I somehow convinced him I might fit in with the chef friends,” she said with a self deprecating sigh. She looked back to Claire with a shrug.

“You were fine,” Carmy encouraged, his gaze heavy on her. She smiled and ordered another drink. Carmy wasn’t drinking but Claire ordered wine.

“Have you been here before?” Claire asked, steering the conversation as she got her drink.

“I have not. Have you?” She turned to Claire.

“Yes, just once. The food here is really good.” She smiled. “At least, I think it is. You all are the chefs.”

“Our palettes are all fucked.” Sophie joked. “You’d be the better judge probably.” Carmy was grinning. “Oh Carm, did you see? Figs and goat cheese.” She raised her eyebrows.

He huffed a laugh and shook his head. “Height of cuisine tonight.”

At Claire’s confused look, Sophie explained. “I’m being mean. Carmy and I were working in New York when the fig and goat cheese fad swept the city. It’s delicious, don’t get me wrong. But it became a bit of a joke,” she tried to explain. Claire nodded politely but Sophie felt bad, she didn’t want to make a bad impression. She was still reeling from the question about her sister.

“I’ve heard you work in the emergency department at a hospital? That is so impressive. Are you one of those people who get super calm in tense situations?” she asked, trying to win her back over.

“Actually, yes! I feel like my brain thrives under the pressure. Like a puzzle. It’s really rewarding work.”

“That’s amazing. I feel like Carmy is similar. Obviously different –scales?” She faltered on the last word, not wanting to insult either person. “But I’m so jealous. Not my strong suit at all.”

“Really? But it sounds like you were quite good at cooking.”

“The yelling and the rush got to me. I ended up being a much better pastry chef. I like getting up early and prepping at 5am when no one is around and then being able to leave when things get heated.” She smiled.

She asked Claire more about herself and shared bits of her story in turn. She was lovely. Of course she was, she was Carmy’s girlfriend.

It wasn’t long before Luca wandered over with a small plate and handed it to Sophie. “I thought you might want to try one,” he said, handing the plate over before wrapping an arm around Sophie, hand warm against her lower back.

Carmy huffed out a laugh, looking away and putting a hand to his mouth. Sophie glanced to Carmy and then down at the plate and bit back a laugh as well. Luca had brought her the fig and cheese appetizer.

“What?” he asked, looking confused.

“Thanks! This is sweet. We were just joking before you walked over,” she said, leaning into him slightly since both hands were now taken up, one with a drink and the other with the plate. “Should we re-join the group? I was hoarding Claire’s time.”

As they walked back Carmy slyly grabbed the crostini from the plate and slid it into his mouth. She shook her head at him, grinning.

The rest of the night was calm. Luca and the other chefs shared stories. Unfortunately for Carmy, the chefs were all hounding him with questions. He always answered them briefly. He seemed to get more comfortable over time but still disliked the attention.

Eventually she snuck off to the bathroom and checked her phone, making sure her sister hadn’t contacted her. She felt a little panicky, worried she’d messed up somewhere. Particularly worried about her conversation with Claire. The other chef’s opinions didn’t matter too much but she wanted the night to go well. Wanted to leave Claire with a good impression.

Mallary hadn’t texted. She held her phone and took a breath.

She decided to text Chef Thomas, giving herself a little more time before she had to go back and face everyone again.

“Just met some Chicago chefs who told me how much you appreciate my julienning skills.” 

He responded right away, “They’re lying to you.” He texted again. "Just sharpen your knives, you'll be fine." And then a third time. “How’s your sister?” 

She replied quickly, letting him know Mallary was doing well. She walked out of the restroom with a smile on her face.

His reply cheered her. She could practically hear his disapproving voice in her head. Feigning annoyance with her but still always supportive. She was ready to go back. Sophie spotted Carmy at the bar as she left the restroom so she walked over to him. “Hiding at the bar, chef?” she asked.

“Getting another glass for Claire,” he responded. “And also hiding.”

She laughed. When the bartender asked if she wanted anything else, she asked for a glass of water. “How’s Luca?” he asked her, the glass of wine in his hand but he hadn’t turned to leave yet.

She bit her lip and looked at the bar. Her heart sank a little. She shrugged. “He’s lovely. Of course. But I think I messed things up.”

She met his eyes and felt the immediate pull to spill her guts to him.

“I just– fuck. I don’t know. Yesterday I pretended I could flirt and go on a date with someone and be normal. But–” she stopped, feeling selfish. “It’s stupid really. So many bigger things happening. Don’t know why I care anyways.” She forced a smile and pushed away from the bar to go back to the table but Carmy grabbed her arm. Her heart stuttered in her chest. She wished he hadn’t touched her- hadn’t reminded her what his hands felt like.

He stood in front of her. “Look, Soph. I get it. But Luca is a good guy. And it really doesn’t matter what any of them think of you anyways.”

She forced herself to smile at him, ignoring the pounding of her chest. “Yeah, thanks Carm.”

---

They said goodbyes at the end of the night. Sophie felt slightly hopeful that things went better than she had feared because Claire hugged her as she left. The chefs clearly weren’t as interested in networking with her once they found out she had no immediate plans to start cooking again, but they were all cordial and she was glad she met them at the end of it all.

She and Luca stood in front of the restaurant after everyone left and she shifted on the balls of her feet. “Thanks for inviting me,” she said with a small smile.

“I’m sorry if they made you uncomfortable,” he responded, clearly looking concerned.

“No! It was fine. I’m just in a weird place with cooking and everything I guess. But they were all very nice,” she finished, realizing she was digging herself deeper.

“Do you want to go for a walk? Find another bar or something?” He ended up asking. “I haven’t really explored much.”

“Yeah, I’d like that,” she agreed.

He seemed to hesitate as he looked down the street. “I’ve never actually been here before,” he admitted and she grinned at him and reached over to grab his hand in hers.

“How about we go this way? There’s a tiny park and a garden we could see. It’s not far.” He nodded and followed her lead.

“Do you not like talking about your time in San Diego?” he asked, curiously. He seemed open and curious, like he just wanted to get to know her. If this were a normal date, she’d think this was lovely. But she was getting confused. They couldn’t actually date, this had to be something casual. So why was he doing all of this? Was he just a kind person? She wished she could summon the fake confidence she had in fits and bursts the previous night. But she felt drained.

“I don’t mind talking about it! It was actually really nice. Chef Thomas has a reputation of being rude but he is really very kind once you get to know him,” she said. “And I loved San Diego. Even more than New York City. Have you been to California at all?”

“Just L.A. I’d like to see San Diego someday.” He paused. “Carmy has a lot of fans, yeah?” he said when she didn’t offer more.

“Oh yeah. Poor guy. He really isn’t in it for the fame. It throws most people that he isn’t going around bragging about it.” She grinned. “For all of the jealousy that comes with being friends with someone so talented, Carmy not particularly enjoying the accolades really helps.”

Luca grinned at her. “You seem close,” he said. “He talked about you a lot when we worked at Noma.”

She nearly tripped over an uneven sidewalk section. “That doesn’t sound like Carmy,” she said, slowly, shocked.

“He did. Said you were going to be the best pâtissière in New York. Everyone in Noma heard about Sophie Miller. I was secretly hoping to meet you, if I’m being honest. Not because I thought this would happen.” He squeezed her hand, a blush dancing across his cheeks. “But because I wanted to know who could impress Carmy. He really cleared up any notions I had about being the best chef when we worked together.”

“He sees the best in people,” she said after a bit. “I don’t think I’m particularly talented but he saw how hard I worked. He actually nudged me towards becoming a pastry chef. I think he saw how bad the stress of the dinner rush got to me.” She was lost in her thoughts again, about New York. About her friend who had helped her so much. Even in ways she didn’t know.

She had impressed on Carmy the importance of trying to make a name for himself. She had dragged him to a few events and had followed to his own James Beard award ceremony. She had made it her mission to repay all of the help he gave her by getting his name out there to everyone. She knew she could be good at it, the networking thing. And she knew Carmy hated it. And to be fair, he didn’t need the help, not really. His cooking spoke for itself. But if she could get people to go try the food, she knew it would help him in the long run. She hadn’t realized he’d done it for her too.

“He absolutely thinks you’re talented, by the way. He was so happy Marcus could learn from you,” she said, realizing she had nearly walked them past the park and turned them down another block.

“Marcus is a fantastic pastry chef. Carmy knows how to pick his people.” Sophie smiled at him and blushed as she felt him run his thumb up and down the back of her hand, still held in his.

They walked through the garden, her steps loud in her ears. She didn’t know what to say. She felt like they’d gotten quite close in only a little over 24 hours. She wasn’t excited about the prospect of him leaving. “I didn’t really want to move to Chicago, to be honest.” She found herself looking at the tiny garden, surprised at how few people were around on such a peaceful night. “I was finally finding happiness in San Diego. But it has its moments”, she said. “I do love this garden.” She remembered she hadn’t told him about her sister’s cancer. Hadn’t wanted to deal with being the sad girl, and yet here she was, being sad. She turned to him with a smile.

“Do you think you’ll stay in Copenhagen? Or are you going to return to London someday?”

“I’m not sure. I’ve found a restaurant I love and it is hard to want to leave that,” he said, looking at her thoughtfully.

“I understand that.” She smiled at him. The two had started walking again, over to the tiny corner park. “Want to go on the swings?” she asked when she saw no one was using them.

He grinned at her and agreed. She started leading him over and had an idea. “Race you there,” she said, dropping his hand and rushing forward, the sound of his laughter chasing after her.

She made it there with barely a second to spare before he reached her. She beamed up at him from her place on the swing. “I thought with those long legs you’d be a little faster,” she taunted him. He chuckled and pushed her swing before sitting on his own. She watched his feet drag across the ground on the swing until he lifted his legs.

“I think you might be too tall,” she laughed at him. He reached out and shoved her swing sideways causing her to swing away and then back, nearly bumping into him. She laughed. He reached over and dragged her to him for a kiss. She melted instantly, sighing as he pulled away, his free hand reaching up to cup her cheek.

“Tomorrow’s my last full day here,” he said, quietly. His eyes burning into hers.

She didn’t know what to say. She knew their time was limited, that this was it. But she supposed she hoped they’d somehow get away without saying goodbye. That they could just have this magical moment and walk away from it with some nice memories. She didn’t want to think about how much she’d have liked it to last longer. “What are you doing tomorrow?” she asked.

“I have to go see the Bean.” She laughed at him and he released his grip on her swing causing her to swing the opposite way. She kicked her feet out to stabilize herself. “Hey don’t laugh at me! I’m a tourist. I never got to do the touristy things when I worked here.” He paused. “I also wanted to go to the art museum. I like going to museums while I’m traveling,” he said.

“Do you want company?”

"Only if you're willing to be a tourist with me," he said, teasing edge to his voice. She smiled. Being a tourist with Luca sounded like a whole lot of fun.

Realizing they were running low on time, she stood and walked over to him, standing between his obnoxiously long legs. She grabbed onto the chains of the swings and stood looking down at him. “Do you want to come back to my apartment?” she asked, pulling the swing toward her slightly.

She pressed her lips against his in what she planned as a quick peck but turned passionate, Luca leaning up into her, his mouth opening against hers causing tingles to shoot down her spine.

She forgot that she was holding the swing in place and let go to tangle her fingers in his hair. She realized a second too late what she'd done. He started swinging back and she stumbled towards him. He grabbed her around the waist and put his feet down harder, stopping the movement.

“Sorry. I forgot I was holding the swing.” She laughed breathlessly, holding herself up against his shoulders.

“I noticed.” He smirked up at her, his hands shifting from holding her up to sliding down her waist and holding her hips, taking her breath away.

“Come on.” She grabbed his hand and pulled him up, walking him away from the park and towards her home.

---

For the second day, she awoke wrapped in Luca’s arms, head buried in his chest, feeling warm and comfortable. She felt him stir underneath her and tried to stay still, not wanting to have to wake up just yet.

“Good morning.” His grumbly morning voice sounded from above her on the bed.

“Five more minutes,” she whined, wrapping her arms tighter around him. She felt him reach over and comb his fingers through her hair.

“I’m not planning on leaving anytime soon,” he said, his grin clear in his voice. His hand grazed down her shoulder and back and slowly slid back up. Warmth spread through her, feeling too comfortable. She sighed and relaxed into him.

I don’t want you to leave. She slid her hand up his side and burrowed her face into him, eyes shut. Two days of waking up with a warm, soft, sweet man in bed with her. She didn’t want to go back to waking up alone. She took a breath and forced herself to keep moving. “I suppose we should get ready. We have tourist stuff to do.”

“Can I make you breakfast first?” he asked.

She lifted her head to look up at him for the first time that morning, a smile on her face. “You want to cook for me?”

“Yeah,” he said, eyes warm and soft. His eyes crinkled in the corners as he grinned wider watching her react. He rolled onto his side and tilted his head at her. “You do realize we are both lying naked in your bed, yeah? Why are you blushing about breakfast?”

She matched his posture, lying opposite him. “It’s just–” She hesitated a second. “You’re so– wonderful.”

“Wonderful?” he asked, his grin softening. Then he leaned forward and kissed her sweetly on her lips, then her nose, then her forehead. “That’s it. I’m making you breakfast.”

 ---

Luca stood in her kitchen in his rumpled clothes from the previous day. Coffee had just finished brewing and she was leaning against the kitchen island watching him cook for her.

She sipped her coffee and found herself watching Luca, his hands as he whipped some egg mixture in a bowl to make french toast. His hair flopped over his forehead, messy and perfect. She had the sudden urge to take a picture. She tried to be quiet, reached to the end of the counter with her phone and quietly took a picture of him. She put her phone down as he turned and he smirked at her.

“Did you take a picture of me?” He grinned and stepped over to her. She blushed. “I need a picture too then,” he said, grabbing his phone from his back pocket. He patted the island and she hopped up. He took a selfie of them, his arm wrapped around her, her cheeks still pink as she held the coffee mug between her hands. “Now let me work, yeah?” he said, before kissing her on the cheek and getting back to cooking.

---

Their afternoon was the picture of perfection. They walked around the museum, commenting on pieces of art as they went. Sophie would grab Luca’s hand and pull him to look at a painting before dropping it again. After the third time he grabbed her hand and wouldn’t let go.

Sophie flexed the one Art History class she took in college, pointing out pieces and movements she recognized. They eventually turned it into a game, pretending to be art critics talking about the works. Being a tourist with Luca was fun.

They took pictures at the Bean. Sophie made sure to get a few of them together. She wished again that this wasn’t about to end. That they could have time to actually date. She pushed the thought away. They lived in different countries, after all.

As they walked around they shared pieces of their lives. Sophie told him about her nieces, how she was excited to see them since they’d been gone for the past two weeks on a family vacation. How one of them, Cecily, was in her silly joke phase. She started sharing her favorites with Luca.

“I only know 25 letters of the alphabet. I don’t know ‘Y’.” she said, with a wide grin at her own joke. Luca chuckled and returned with his own silly jokes. And the two spent a while trying to make each other laugh.

Luca also told her about his family. His sister had married recently and was living outside of London. He hadn’t visited in over a year but was hoping to go back home soon. She learned about Luca as a teenager, who to her surprise and delight had an emo phase similar to her own. Their easy conversation made it harder for Sophie to think about the upcoming goodbyes.

“Thanks for all of this,” he said, as they walked down the path towards the fountain.

She grinned at him and grabbed his hand again. Don’t leave. The thought wouldn’t stop spiraling through her head. She hadn’t felt this happy in so long.

She knew some of it was her just avoiding thinking about everything else, giving herself a vacation from her life for a bit. But there was something about being with Luca that made her feel so happy. It just felt easy, in a way so few things did. Like things would turn out okay as long as he was there. She knew she wasn’t putting a very convincing smile on her face by the look Luca was giving her. “I’m trying not to be sad,” she admitted quietly.

He squeezed her hand. “Me too,” he said and she looked at him. “If you’d like, you could come visit me. I’d show you around Copenhagen,” he offered, quietly.

“Yes. I’d love that,” she responded, perhaps too eagerly. The idea that he wanted to see her again cheered her up so much she didn’t think about how that would work. And her immediate reaction seemed to cheer him up too. He grinned at her and wrapped an arm around her shoulder, pulling her to him.

They said goodbye at the subway station. Sophie got on her tiptoes to kiss him. As they pulled away, she put a hand to his chest. “It was lovely meeting you, Luca.”

He smiled and leaned down to kiss her, one more time. Slow and easy and perfect. “It was lovely meeting you, Sophie.” he said with a small grin. She smiled at him, knowing her cheeks were pink. Still feeling her heart jump the tiniest bit at the sound of him saying her name.

As she walked onto her train, she felt her phone buzz. He had sent her a joke. “I’m reading a book on anti-gravity.” 

Her phone buzzed again. “I can’t put it down.” 

She laughed and sent a text saying “loser 🤣 ”. And then, before she could talk herself out of it, sent "❤️". She put her phone back in her purse.

[thecapricunt1616]

luca was serving more for me this season than carmy was and frankly, as much as it hurts my sydcarmy heart to say this, i would fine if luca and sydney ended up together

obviously i'm still holding out for sydcarmy but i genuinely don't know what storer has in store (haha pun intended) anymore considering the way he framed their relationship

but idk, what are your thoughts?

Ohhhhhhh anon - DO I HAVE THOUGHTS FOR YOU!!! Luca became the LOML this season, He is so calm and - what was that BS that Carmy said about Claire? Ohhh yes!! LUCA is Peace :))) As well as Marcus, I would love to be friends with Marcus. He is WAY too well adjusted for that kitchen thats for sure.

I am holding out for SydCarmy until the show is literally over because this season feels like it could be one of a few things more btc

A: (most likely what happened) This show was never meant to be a romance. But, after S1- and all the fans being like 'wow, idk if its just the actors butttt...Syd&Carmy are cute! And would be a great couple!!' and in the writers room , Chris said- that is it. This is endgame for the show, we will work it in to the 3 seasons we already have outlined. So come season 2 , sydcarmy is ITTTT it is it. Like - we all know this, sydcarmy is IT, everyone goes NUTS and loves it and Storer wasnt ready to see just how much we pay attention to the symbolism that isnt blatant (since with basically any other show out there people dont look as deep into it for symbology as the bear fans do because storer films it a certain way it attracts a certain crowd) - he got mad. he literally got mad that we figured him out. so like a baby he went "NO. WWWAAAHHH I WANTED IT TO BE A SUPRISE LIKE IT WAS MY IDEA IN THE FIRST PLACE!" and shit all over it. Hm. Someone who has something great going for them, and then as soon as it starts actually going great - they SHIT ON IT AND RUIN IT FOR THEMSELF who does this sound like? Someone I think they go by...bear?

B: Second most likely, WILLFUL MISDIRECTION!!!! This was supposed to happen. I kinda knew things would get worse before they got better, but I didn't know THAT much worse. The more I think about it, Carmy wasnt OOC this season - EVERYONE ELSE WAS except for maybe Marcus? Which is CRAZY because the only one that SHOULD be OOC right now IS MARCUS BECAUSE HIS MOTHER DIED!!!! Carmy is turning into his old boss. Point blank period. So his behavior if anything is a tad bit tame. The smoking thing was out of left field I'm still trying to understand that one, but yea. This was purposeful misdirection, because syd needs to be broken down so she can realize why she really isnt leaving (hint- she feels something for carmy past platonic) carmy is still trying to romantisize claire in his head which is why were always seeing them make out. his family keeps bugging him about it and telling him that he needs to be with her so hes trying to make himself see it (he cant he tried in the freezer and can't see her that way.)

C: (least likely) they have 0 idea what theyre doing. sydcarmy isnt romantic, every writer in that room is on drugs or simply stupid, and claire and carmy are somehow meant to be????? when he literally doesnt like her and its so clear.

anywho im going down with this ship. i prefer my blue lotus fic storyline where carmy goes to therapy before this point and doesn't spiral and ruin everything :))) and admits his feelings to syd!!!

[regaliasonata]

You Honest Opinion: Power Ranger Seasons that were AWESOME, were bland as oatmeal, and deserve to be run through the wood chipper from Fargo. Speak and be recognized.

Awesome Seasons

-Jungle Fury: Overall solid season, great characters and development, awesome choreography and villains. Only thing that could’ve been better was if the show was given more episodes. A side effect of ranger seasons as they probes on was the reduce in episode amounts, Jungle Fury could’ve definitely benefited from having at least 10 or 12 more episode…AND THE CROSSOVERS OF OO AND RPM.

-Dino Thunder: See this is how you do a season where you incorporate the core theme of the 90s classic trope with high schoolers/heroes, cast is likable, show flowed well along with the story and villain and Trent was adorable(actor still hot…don’t judge me). My gripes is Zeltrax not getting an actual ending, or PR not giving Ethan’s actor a chance to come back even though he definitely wants to.

-Lost Galaxy: Breath of fresh air into the new era after Zordon, cool concept and I love that cast as well. We all need a boyfriend like Leo, also the idea of what they did for Kendrix was both bold and entertaining when watching for the first time…only thing that could’ve gone better was them being able to do the lost galaxy arc a bit earlier to actually show off more ideas there.

Bland as Oatmeal(spicing this up, category for seasons I enjoy but their issues need to be addressed to gain peace for the better)

-SPD: Now this season honestly was ambitious with the ideas of having all these alien designs and being based in the future on earth. Cast is cool and so far I’m pretty much enjoying it…I do however don’t appreciate the focus being mainly on Jack, Sky and Cruger, they are nice characters but the others get thrown in the dark. Not to mention Sky in the beginning being an asshole about not getting red (also for you to be raised by a single mom yet get offended at the idea of a woman being a leader is clown behavior, glad he grew out of that shit fast). Syd and Z’s treatment was pretty poor, we should’ve had Taylor and Jen complaining to SPD and making shit right for them👌🏾🩷💛

-Time Force: This was an interesting season but I have some overall issues with the way half of the team was handled. For a season based on time travels they didn’t really utilize that much and outside of Wes, Jen and Eric the other three barely got anything, I would’ve loved to see perspectives of Katie, Xybrian lore on Trip(have a few posts of that I made if you wanna give it a look👀💚) and…Lucas I guess, but tbh Nadira should be the blue Ranger from now on after…certain things about his actor(if you know you know) but yea overall season could’ve had more of that stuff.

Wood Chipper

-Ninja Steel: Dogshit season, outside of the many things I don’t like about this season I will say some things to say with from the little grace it has. I love the idea of Madame Odios being the antagonist as one I love fox themed characters and also her design is peak, the suits for the rangers are pretty stylish and the effects or their attacks are rather stunning when used well….now onto where we dive into the deep end. Victor and Monty need to not exist, no no that’s rude, they needed better writing. For one the fart jokes were disgusting and whoever thought that was funny in the writing room is just ugh, you could’ve made them actually engaging characters, heck paired them together as boyfriends like ANYTHING INTERESTING. Now onto Hayley, the way Calvin handled their relationship was so terrible and Sarah is a bad friend for telling Hayley to just deal with it, and had HER apologizing for Calvin being terrible??? Also the idea they originally had for the black girl to lose her boyfriend so he can hook up with the other girl on the team…oh my god I’m glad the actresses said no to that, goddamit what was this writing.

YOU HAD A NINJA SEASON THAT SAID OTHER SCHOOLS EXISTED, LORE BUILT UP BUT NO REFERENCE THERE???? Oh my god, I’m just imagining how good of a season it could’ve been incorporating ninja Storm and samurai together cause like just picture how fire it would’ve been(luckily I’m going to make a Ninja Steel AU rewrite eventually in ao3 if anyone wants to read it👌🏾. Also allow me to use the green ranger we never got form the Sentai 👀)

Let’s leave it at the fact that fans can take the characters and show and make better backgrounds and settings for them, anytime canon fails we have everyone here to do the good work👍🏾

That seems about it, I wanted to list only a few specific ones but I hope this was nice 😅

[yannaryartside]

Hello @moodyeucalyptus thank you for such a toughtfull response!

It is true that there is something that connects this two motherfuckers (affectionate) in a deeper level. Actually, the beauty of sydcarmy for me entails precisely the connection they have despite being both so close-up and emotionally illiterate. Those moments they can reach beyond all those layers and just make each other laugh, feel and improve sometimes without even trying.

I will like to go back to something you said:

“I’m actually to the point where I think - and I’m just gonna say it - sydcarmy HAS to be romantic to make any of how he’s treated Syd and her putting up with it - make any sort of logical sense. Because why has she put up with this??”

I read another post saying this love triangle (sydcarmy vs clairecarmy) had the undertones of an affair vs the marriage. Sydcarmy obviously being the marriage. In press talks cast talked about how creating the restaurant Bear was like giving birth. So in that analogy, carmy and syd are creating this baby and Carmy goes out to have an affair. Claire is the easy girl in all senses, she doesn’t ask Carmy for accountability or even ask to define the relationship. Similar behavior of many woman sleeping with married men.

Now, the reason why for me, besides what you stated, sydcarmy needs to be romantic, is because the show decided to use romance as a narrative vehicle to talk themes about recovery from addiction and mental health problems.

You have all the ingredients there. Syd has an holistic view of the issues. She doesn’t judge. She forgives, but asks for changes. She literally symbolizes the progress. Carmy failed to get them a good review because he was looking at the past (Chef David and Claire) and Syd succeeded to get a good review back in s1 just by innovating and looking ahead. Like, God. In the meantime you have the other girl Claire who has an effect like anesthesia, thinks is cool to set fires, commits malpractice and only lives for your needs. -again, common.

And finally, and that is a point that I think I didn’t go as deep as I should in my first post, in a discussion on having a parter with the issues that Carmy has, there needs to be a discussion of meeting the emotional needs of both partners. Syd has played the patience card with all of Carmy’s issues. The way you think someone in a long term relationship with do in this scenarios, support your partner because they are going thought a bad period, and you know them beyond that.

But the other part needs to know that they can leave.

A large part of the context of this work partnership is that Syd doesn’t think she has a future in the industry outside of the bear (she told that to her father) until the Shapiro offer. When a person decides to stay in a relationship because that is all they know, or because they have already invested too much, that is were things can get toxic and even abusive. Because why would you keep reaching if the other person is not reaching back?

I think Shapiro may be bad news. But inserting him at this point of the story, while also presenting another love interest for Syd in Luca, is on purpose. For me, is the lesson to Syd that she doesn’t “need” to be with Carmy, I rather have her “want” him once he actualizes. Specially because it doesn’t seem Carmy is gonna get Claire out of his system as soon as well like. He needs to know she is not good for him. That may get another season to resolve. Giving Syd a live outside Carm may be the best for both of them in the meantime.

My most blood chilling thought regarding sydcarmy is this

From Sydney’s point of view this has been nothing but a desolation game.

Carmy has left her to her own devices to handle his shit the whole show . While he is outside chasing other stuff in s1, another ass in s2, and goes s3 screaming to everyone while thinking about another ass.

And that is the part that it pains me. She knows. She knows he is been thinking about calling Claire. Everyone in “Next” created the correlation between the breakup and Carmy’s decent into madness. She has witnessed him talking about how Claire is in his mind “are you giving me shit for not calling people back?” To the computer.

If Carmy makes the attempt to apologize to Claire next season, even if they don’t get together right away, Syd has no reason to think Claire may not me still Carmy’s endgame. Carmy and Syd have no real friends underneath at this point. Maybe, she will realize that she should cut her loses.

And even if Carmy realizes his feelings for Syd…even if he tells her. She may be to tired of being the second choice after enduring all that she did. And I won’t blame her.

If you have seen the most recent “little woman” think of this scene, spoilers ahead.

There needs to be time, time where they work together and become friends after an ultimate breakup with Claire. Syd has literally no reason to say yes.

[lokisrare]

birdie

pairings: ben hardy x ofc.

word count: 4.6k

a/n: i hate this but i love this, also, spoiler: i hate cassie. i don’t really know what it is, but let me know what you think and if you want to know what happens next lmao. oh, by the way this was heavily inspired by break my heart by dua lipa.

June 6th, 2010.

“Well damn, you look HOT.” I gushed when Sydney walked out of the changing room.

She sent a smile towards me while fixing her hair, it must’ve been freaking hard to get on that dress, I think to myself when I look up and down her body, the dress hugging her body just right, but still, the material looked incredibly uncomfortable and her face just confirmed that to me.

“I feel like someone’s pinching my nipples constantly, like here…, ugh it hitches so bad,” she says trying to fix the top of the dress and I laugh at her struggling to make the dress work.

“Syd, why don’t you try something else, you’re going to look good anyway,” all I receive is a death glare and I just know she’s telling me to fuck off while still trying to find a way to feel comfortable.

She huffs and gets into the changing room, closing the pink curtain a little too aggressively, I suppress a giggle knowing she’s having a hard time and I’d probably end up with my hair pulled if I keep making fun of her. “Everybody Talks” by Neon Trees is playing which makes me roll my eyes annoyed, it had become my young sister’s favorite song so it was on repeat almost every hour of the day, just listening to it gave me a horrid headache.

“Fine, I guess I’ll just go with the first one,” Sydney says finally getting out. I nod, a very genuine and happy smile plastered on my face, it was 6.30 pm and we had left my house at 4, to say I was hungry and tired was an understatement.

 “I really hate you, Cass, you know that right?” Sydney says as we finally get to my house, most specifically: my room. I run straight to my bed, my back thanking me for finally having a moment to rest after being walking and standing still for three hours straight. “I don’t really know how you choose so easily; I just can’t decide when it comes to shopping.”

I smile with my eyes closed hearing Syd grabbing the make-up bag as she seats in front of the mirror, “I just go for black, that’s my secret, black’s the right decision. Always.”

“Your whole wardrobe is black, Cassie.” I don’t see her but I can tell she rolled her eyes, annoyed. “You could’ve at least gone for something red this time or maroon or grey.”

I prop on my elbows scanning my open (and messy) closet, well… maybe I owned a lot of black clothes but it is just a glorious color, or not actually a color but who cares, black just rocks and it was easily combined.

“I promise I’ll wear something else next time.”

Sydney looks at me with a sarcastic expression, raising an eyebrow.

“No, you won’t.” Nope, I won’t.

I grab the curling iron next to my night table: “Curls, straight or should I just go natural?” Sydney shrugs looking at me intently, her lips pressed together, after a few seconds she just clicks her tongue and turns around.

“Whatever you feel like doing today, babe, you’ll look pretty anyway,” she pauses. “And Ben will like it anyway.”

“SYDNEY, NO.”

“What?” She says smirking at me through the mirror. “Oh, come on you can’t possibly think I don’t realize, the tension is obvious,” she smiles satisfied at my petrified expression. “Besides he’s a Capricorn, Capricorn and Scorpios have AMAZING SEX.”

“SYDNEY” I shout throwing a heart shaped pillow at her while she laughs uncontrollably, “He’s my brother’s friend, your step brother and almost 3 years older.”

“Your brother does not care at all, I don’t either and you didn’t say nothing about the sex thing so you little bastards have been really sneaky about it but I’m the devil and I found a condom on the bathroom trash the other day,” I set a mental reminder to slap Ben when I see him tonight, “It wasn’t mine so it was either from my parents or from Ben. And your face just told me it was from Ben,” she stops and then wrinkles her nose, “Ugh, disgusting. Let’s move on from this topic, please.”

“You started it.”

“I thought he was fooling around with Candace, she’s been after him the whole year, it looks like she knows he’s leaving soon. Besides I heard the rumor they slept together, I’m sure she started it.”

“Yeah, I think she knows, that’s why she’s been so clingy.” I cringe thinking of it. “Well if it’s true then her wish finally came true.”

The disgusted tone in my voice making me feel kind of angry at myself, just as much as the thought of Ben fooling around with Candace and I know Sydney can tell. I wasn’t very surprised when I first found out she’d been trying to get his attention the whole year, her obsession with Ben wasn’t new and she seemed a little too desperate, but she wasn’t a bad person, maybe too much of a bimbo girl but still, a nice person and Ben had always found a way to avoid her.

When Malik came up to me with rumor it made my stomach turn, giving the fact that two weeks ago he had me pinned against a wall at some random party while we had a (very steamy) make out session hoping my brother wouldn’t find us. Fucking. Ben.  

“I don’t think that’s true at all, I totally think she spread the rumor herself with some friend’s help.” I sighed at Sydney insistence, “besides the whole situation is so weird, he is constantly running away from her and just one day they, like, fuck? Uh-uh, that just not makes sense, maybe she’s blackmailing him.” I laugh at her occurrence. Only Sydney, of course. “I truly hope my theory is not true, that’d be, like, pyscho behavior.”

“Yeah, but still, it might be true, we don’t know” I say getting up and throwing the curling iron on top of my bed. Curls it is, I think. “I believe there’s pizza on the fridge, is that ok for you or what do you want?”

Sydney thinks for a few seconds, “yeah, pizza’s fine, I’ll just eat a tiny bit though because I want to get really wasted really fast today and that’s way easier if I have an empty stomach.”

“You’re going to die.”

“Oh well, but it’s not going to hurt if my drunk as hell.”

“Touché.”

The dress hugged my curves just fine but I still felt like I was trying very hard to convince myself I really liked the way I looked with this way too short dress and I hadn’t just bought it because I knew it would catch Ben’s attention; I was upset knowing I was just about to leave my house wearing something just not-me at all to impress a stupid boy.

He’s not stupid and you know it.

“You look gorgeous, breathtaking and completely uncomfortable.” I turned around, Syd was standing leaning against the door frame looking effortlessly beautiful, her blonde hair straight and the loose baby pink dress making her look absolutely angelic.

“I am terribly uncomfortable, and I hate the fact the I’m about to take it off because it costed me good money I could’ve used to buy something I actually liked.” I said raising my voice, feeling angry at myself again, for the same reason, “I hate myself sometimes.”

Sydney giggles as she looked through my closet, smiling triumphantly when she found what she was looking for: a short black skirt and a grey blouse.

“I love this outfit on you, please change, you’re radiating so much negativity wearing that outfit besides the look on your face makes it seems like it’s causing you actual pain to be wearing this.” She stated and then lowered her eyes to my feet, “Oh god, Cassie, take those heels off, those are not even your favorite ones, put on your white vans, do yourself a favor, please.” I groaned as I got up feeling defeated and absolutely ridiculous to say the least.

Once I was changed, I felt my confidence coming back again, I looked pretty and I looked like me, Sydney got up from the bed clapping happily.

“Yay! That’s my Cassie, you look gorgeous!” she grabbed my hand dragging me downstairs way too fast and excitedly, making my chest crash against her back when she stopped abruptly at the end of the stair, turning around violently, “It’s not like you didn’t look gorgeous before, it’s just… now you look gorgeous and your face doesn’t look like you’re in the middle of a funeral.” I scoffed punching her arm but a giggle escaped my mouth making both of us laugh, right before we saw the taxi parking outside.

“Ok, let’s do it giiiiiiiiiiiiiiiirl.” I opened the door as Syd put two little vodka bottles inside of her little purse. “All done, and just to re-clarify, you look amazing and Ben’s going to love how you look, you really don’t need to try so hard, he already likes you.”

“Oh my God, STOP, let’s go Syd.” I said pushing her outside the house.

“Just saying.”

The house was packed, way too packed for a place so small, the air was filled with smoke from the cigarettes and the smoke machine placed on top of an old couch. I looked around trying to find my friends or at least my brother.

You’re looking for him.

I rolled my eyes annoyed at myself, once again. I wasn’t looking for him, or maybe a little, but it’s not like I was desperate. Or too desperate.

“My niñas, over here mis amores!” A curly haired boy calls from inside the little kitchen. Lucas. He had two girls clung to his sides, fighting for his attention, I smirk looking at him as he excuses himself with the girls and start making his way towards us. Poor girls, if they only knew.

“Ugh, I’m already hating this place and I’ve been here for just 20 minutes.” He states right after kissing Syd and I’s both cheeks.

Sydney takes the vodka bottles out of her purse making Lucas smile widely as he puts his hand on his chest. Oh my god. I already knew I was going to be tonight’s babysitter.

“Yas! You are my Blondie Number One angel, Syd.” Lucas grabbed her cheeks pecking her on the lips, looking behind them I saw the two girls from earlier, both with annoyed looks as they turned around to leave the place, Lucas hand grabbed my arm, catching my attention, “Why so distracted? Looking for Blondie Number Two?” He asked raising his eyebrows repeatedly. “He got in here right before you guys but since Candace the Crazy was looking for him since she got here, he completely disappeared.” He said looking around, his arms resting on Sydney’s shoulders, “Nope, Blondie Number Two’s not around. To be honest I’m kind of worried Candace is blackmailing him.” he stated clicking his tongue.

Sydney let out a very exaggerated high pitched scream, “I thought THE SAME and Cassie won’t believe it.”

“Guys, both of you are insane, completely insane, let the poor girl live.”

Hypocrite.

“Oh c’mon, two weeks ago you were ready to sneak into Daisy Clinton’s room to do the nasty with Benny-Boy for like the 100th time now you just don’t care? I don’t buy it baby, no no, not when you came in here looking like a lost puppy.” I opened my mouth ready to say something but Lucas spoke first also interrupting Sydney whom was about to complain since she was the last person to find out or to figure it out, actually, “And don’t tell me you were looking for your brother. I. Know. You. Cassidy. Peters.”

I just shrugged trying to not show him how fucking right he was, and also trying not to accept to myself I’ve been looking for him the entire time we stood in the middle of the tiny kitchen.  Sydney gave me the finger and then made her way towards the improvised dance floor carrying Lucas with her.

Now I was seated on the corner of the living room watching Logan Lawrence, our school’s quarter back make out with one of the shyest girls from our school. Poor girl. She’s so going to regret it tomorrow… and forever probably. Logan was just that disgusting. I kept looking around when I started cursing at myself, I’ve been sitting here for almost half on hour looking at Sydney and Lucas get wasted just because I was trying to find the boy I was desperately craving for and he was nowhere to be seen, which was bad, but I had seen Candace dance around looking absolutely drunk, which was good, but it also meant Ben could be with any other girl, which was bad. Really bad. For me, of course.

My phone buzzed, three messages from Jonas, also known as my brother.

Jo: bring me a whisky pleeeeeeeease

Jo: no one will realize, I’m on the roof with the boys

Jo: please cass, be a good sis

I huffed but still got up ready to do what he asked me to, I mean, it’s not like I was doing anything better. I grabbed the bottle of whisky and a very drunk boy stared at me, I was ready for him to say something but he just smiled and gave me the thumbs up, I laughed a little and waved him goodbye as I made my way upstairs.

How the fuck do I get to the roof?

Cass: how do I get there?

Jo: first floor, the room with the green door at the right, take the stairs

Jo: be fast, there’s like a lot of people getting at it

Well fuck. Once I got to the first floor the green door was the first one I saw, an AC/DC poster on it, I breathed in and opened it, trying to get used to the dark looking where the hell was the supposed way to the roof; not giving a single fuck I opened the door again learning a lot of lovely words from the people hiding in there, I was about to say something to them when I saw the hole on the corner of the bedroom’s ceiling and the wooden escalator right under it. Of course.

The relieve my ears felt when I reached the roof was glorious, I took a few second to enjoy the feeling when I felt a hand on my shoulders, grabbing harder the whisky bottle ready to snap at whatever drunk boy who was trying to annoy my little moment of peace I turned around but I was met with Blondie Number Two, or just Ben.

“Easy, Cassie.” He laughed grabbing the bottle from my hand and lending it to my brother who was right behind him with a knowing smirk, I sent him a death glare.

“Hi, Cass, having fun?” He said slurring his words, oh my God, obviously Jonas Peters was a lightweight and now I had just brought him a big ass bottle of whisky for him to keep getting drunk.

I looked to him and then to Ben who stood way too close for my liking, I was able to smell his perfume. My mind travelling back to Daisy’s room when I was pressed against a wall, his hands roaming trough my whole body while I left love bites all over his neck, getting drunk on his scent.

Stop it. Answer the question.

“Absolutely not.” Jonas pretended to cry and then blew a kiss towards me as he left to join his others friends, they were just as drunk as him, or even worst. Ben cleared his throat making me look his way taking in his appearance, black shirt, black jeans, black shoes, so good looking. Maybe that’s what I liked him so much, it seemed his closet was also full of black clothes.

He was effortlessly beautiful.

“Well, thank you. “He said, a smug expression plastered on his face just as the color drained from mine. WHY?

I sighed, putting on my best annoyed look trying desperately to make it seem I didn’t care at all. Liar. “Don’t flatter yourself, I did it on purpose.” He nodded, the little smirk still lingering on his face as he stepped closer to me, hooking his arm around my shoulder.

“Yeah, sure, Birdie.” I groaned at the nickname and Ben threw his head back laughing at my annoyance.

“Don’t call me that, Ben. I don’t go around calling you Blondie Number Two.” I tried to let loose from his arms but he just held my tighter, starting to walk and dragging me along with him to sit closer to the edge against a wall, the big tree in front of the house blocking the street lights making it hard to see clearly; once we both were sitting I was finally able to get off of his embrace, looking down trying to ignore the fact that Ben was so close to me, and we were alone in the –almost- dark.

“But I always call you like that, you should be used to it by now… Birdie” He said right after getting comfortable on the floor. I huffed. No. I would never get used to it because I felt embarrassed and angry, angry at myself (as always, of course) for being so obsessed with him since forever.

I saw him light a cigarette from the corner of my eye, before turning back his attention to me, blowing out the smoke, “it fits you, you’re so… free, I don’t know, so you,” I looked at him attentively, lost in the way he chewed on his bottom lip while he tried to find the words, “I mean…, ugh, you know what, nothing. It just fits you because you’re beautiful and birds are also beautiful and interesting and also fucking smart”

I really didn’t know how I managed to not throw myself to him right there. To everyone, Ben Jones was this incredibly confident good looking college boy every girl wanted but to me he was just Blondie Number Two: Ben Jones, the boy whom just had compared me to birds because I, apparently, am: pretty, interesting and intelligent and now just stared at his cigarette nervously waiting for my response.

He was trying to be romantic, cute or whatever about the nickname but we both knew really well why he called me that.

“You’re and idiot, Ben.” I punched his arm lightly, “you could’ve jus explained it that way ten years ago when you started calling me that. Seven-year-old Cassie would’ve have been happy with it.”

He shrugged, “I figured you hated me.”

“I threw myself from a homemade zip line to impress you, I surely did not hate you.” Ben choked on the cigarette smoke looking at me with a funny expression, ���I just never talked to you because Jonas wouldn’t let me, it wasn’t cool if his little sister tried to be friends with his friends.”

“The whole zip line thing was just to impress me?” I nodded, “well fuck, Cass, I appreciate it, you almost broke a bone back then.”

“Good to know you do now, finally.”

He finished the cigarette, throwing the filter somewhere and got closer grabbing my legs and placing them on top of his, I felt drowned to sit completely on his lap but held back that need while looking intently into his eyes trying to figure what he wanted, his left hand travelled to my lower back as he stared at my lips, my breathing slowly becoming erratic I just wanted him to do something.

“W-what are you doing, Benjamin?” He smirked, his hand resting on my back pushing me up so now I was fully sitting on his lap, his right hand caressing my thigh making me look up and down, from where his hands were drawing circles on my leg and then back to his plumped lips.

“I’m just trying to show you some gratitude after all these years of you trying so hard to get my attention, Birdie” He said, his voice coming out really low making my insides tingle and my cheeks burn, thank God for all this darkness surrounding us.

“Can I kiss you?” I felt so desperate, our lips gracing as his hands kept caressing my thigh not letting me focus on his question completely.

“Why are you even asking?”

“Just being a gentleman.” He said gripping my waist harder, a whimper coming out of me provoking a smug smirk to creep on his face.

“Oh, shut up.”

I grabbed his face finally kissing him, smirking against his lips when Ben let out a throaty moan breaking the kiss for a few seconds but kissing me back hungrily as I fully straddled him, his hands going automatically to my hips gripping harder when I bit on his bottom lip, licking it with my tongue. Ben captured my lips with his again, I was so high lost in the moment as our lips moved in complete sync I wanted to stay like this forever. He pecked my lips before resting his head on the wall behind him while both of us tried to control our breathing.

“I fucking want you, Birdie.” He said getting closer to my face to peck my lips one more time, “but we are not doing this here, not with your brother and our drunk as hell friends just a few meters away.”

I groaned remembering the fact that I was in a roof and also in the middle of a party and as much I was wanted him, he was right.

“We can go to my house, my parents are gone for the weekend and they took Layla with them,” Ben’s eyes shot open, his right hand brushing the locks of hair falling on my face as he smiled satisfied, “besides Jonas is staying at Will’s today.”

“Then let’s fucking go.”

He grabbed my waist and got up with me still on top of him, I laughed against his shoulder as he settled me back on the floor and took my hand to guide us out of the roof. He walked towards the group of boys, two of them were already passed out on the floor while Jonas and Will vibed to Pursuit of Happiness, the bottle of whisky was empty.

“You two. We are leaving, don’t drive, walk or just take a cab.” Ben said, his voice firm as the two other boys glanced at each other and then started laughing.

“Yes, father!” Will saluted and I couldn’t help let out a laugh. Ben gripped my hand tighter and I looked at him, he was trying to suppress a laugh too.

“I’m serious, Will. Be safe.” Will just nodded as he laid on his back again.

“And I’m serious, Benjamin Jones.” Jonas said stepping into the conversation. If he was slurring words earlier now he was just a mess, I rolled my eyes at the drunk ass of a brother I had, “Don’t make me an uncle,” my mouth opened to say something but the words weren’t coming out, “at least not on my bed or on the couch, if you please, now leave, my children.” And that’s all he said before passing out on top of Will legs. Ben looked at my horrified and I just stood there.

“Does he know?” I asked right after he took my hand to lead us toward the hole on the floor.

“I mean it’s not like were not pretty obvious. You keep looking at me completely stunned every time.”

I scoffed. “Like you don’t do the same.”

“Never said I didn’t.” He winked at me and then started to go down the wooden stair.

Once we closed the green door after another round of cursing from the people inside the room, Ben asked me to wait for him as he went to the bathroom and just then, during my time alone I realized I left and never told Syd or Lucas, and I had been gone for -maybe- longer than thirty minutes and then so suddenly the name Candace came back to my mind; turning towards Ben who was coming out of the bathroom fixing his hair, I got to him and he looked down at me confused but smiling.

“What?”

“Are you and Candace a thing and I’m just being that girl?” I was fuming, not really because I was being that girl but because of the fact that I hated the thought of him with someone else.

Is not like he wasn’t aloud, we’re nothing.

Ouch.

Ben rolled his eyes looking, to my surprise, annoyed. “That fucking girl. I was just being nice to her for once and now she goes around spreading bullshit. NO, Birdie, there’s nothing happening with Candace. That’s why we were on the roof, I was avoiding her, she’s a pain in the ass. In my ass.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah, ‘oh’.” He said closing the distance between us and kissing me softly, this time was way different than before, and I was loving every second of it, “why can’t you see you’re the one I want, Birdie?” he said against my lips and I felt my legs trembling at his honesty.

“We should go.”

Why didn’t I say something back? Why didn’t I say I wanted him too? Because I did, I knew that. I was stupid. Well no, actually. I was afraid and I knew it deep down, back then, I just didn’t want to come to terms with it. I was afraid of getting too attached to him that when we had to take different paths it was going to hurt so much. That’s why I never said nothing.

After some promises from Syd and Lucas to find my brother and Will and take a cab the four of them together we left the house holding hands, my house was maybe ten blocks away, a little less maybe so we decided to walk, enjoying each other’s presence, none of us saying nothing. I felt Ben’s gaze from time to time but I was too submerged on my own thoughts, drowning in them and hating to be feeling that way when I should’ve been enjoying our little moment.

Both of us knew it probably was the last time we’d see each other but none of us said anything, or I didn’t say anything, Ben had made it clear a few minutes ago. And I wanted him, but I also didn’t want to hold him back and that’s exactly why what I really think and felt was never said.

And after ten years it still haunted me.

Now the same horrible feeling growing on my chest, I was feeling as nauseous as I felt back then when I said goodbye to him knowing I was escaping from what I really wanted out of fear, because I was a coward but I was also seventeen and experiencing a feeling so hard it numbed my thoughts.

Now I stood in the middle of the room, the glass of wine long forgotten on my hands as Sydney’s hand gripped on my arm sympathetically and I felt thankful because otherwise when I saw him entering the place, looking exactly the same just more mature; his cheeky behavior that made everybody love him still present, I felt so out of place, my knees shaking a little, or maybe it was just my imagination.

8 years after.

“Blondie Number Two has ARRIVED!” I heard Lucas yell in the distance.  

And I just had to get out of here. Fast. The world was literally spinning around me as I looked at everyone greeting Ben with a hug, the ones who didn’t know him just stared at the scene smiling. 

“Cass, we can leave, there’s no need for you to be doing this now. It’s fine.” Sydney whispered. 

“No. I’m ok, this doesn’t affect me, not really.” I shrugged and she just stared at me not saying anything but her expression showed concern and tiredness towards this whole situation. “It’s just, it’s been so long and I’m just shocked. That’s all.” 

Sydney opened her mouth to protest but closed it immediately looking behind me, right then, almost instantly, a very well known cologne filled my nose before I could ask her what was going on. 

Oh crap.

 And there he stood, in all his glory. Just as handsome, his confident aura captivating everyone around us, just like always. I extended my hand to him provoking Ben to just smile and roll his eyes taking my hand just to tug me into his arms, hugging me sweetly as my face was stamped against his chest, not reacting. 

Do something. I mentally shouted at my self.

My hands travelled to his sides, finally embracing him. This felt nice, I thought. It felt familiar; way too familiar for two people who hadn’t seen each other for so long. 

Ben moved his head, lowering it so now his mouth was right next to my ear, sending a shiver trought my whole body, the action being too intimate for the place we were in. 

“Long time no see.” He whispered really low for me to hear it properly thanks to the music playing in the background, but still managing to knock the air out me when he got even closer and simply said: “I’ve missed you… Birdie.”

Now I really wanted to leave. Again.

[theiahuntley-blog]

Life After the Selection

14.Feb

“Morning, my la- I mean, Theia.”

I look up to see Sydney and Adelaide caught in a half bow and I giggle.

“Morning, Syd. Morning, Ade” I greet. When I left the Palace, my maids and I have become great friends and they even joked about coming to help me with my family’s farm. I said I would hire them after I helped my family expand the farm. And in these few months, I did succeed in helping expand my family’s farm by using the money I earn and the fame I got. A month ago, I wrote to the three of them to tell them about the news and asking them to come and help. Sydney and Ade agreed instantly while Mel declined. Sydney, always the wilder one, feels working in our farm will give her more freedom. Ade thinks since the selection is over, the chances of her being a lady’s maid is slim and so why not try something new? Mel, on the other hand, prefers making dresses and a birdy told me she’s really close with a guard.

A guard.

I sigh as I shake that thought away. As the three of us walk downstairs, I see Lucas giving Ade a smile while Sydney growls at Matt, my brother. Lucas and Adelaide will be a great match, Ade is quiet and sweet while Lucas is smart and nice. Sydney and Matt, though, will be a hilarious pair, both hot-headed and not afraid to tell everyone what they feel. I smile at all of them and we sit down and have breakfast.

After breakfast, all of them go out to farm except for my parents, Matt and I. I don’t need to help out with the farm now as we’ve hired more helpers, but I did reserve a piece of small land of potatoes for myself, near the trees. I can’t go out today though as I’m having a photoshoot a few days later and am specifically told ‘not to get tan’.

I am a writer now though because of being part of the selection, I still get invited to do photo shoots or commercials. I usually accept them as they come with good money and I’ve always enjoyed them.

“I’ll be in my room!” I call to my parents as I go back to my room to work on the book I’m writing. I like writing fiction, more specifically, teen fiction. I haven’t published any actual book but I’ve released a few short stories online and they’ve been a great hit.

One of the most powerful thing in the world. Something that everyone needs and wants, something so precious that even money cannot buy it. Love is just a word, but sometimes, it’s more than a word, it’s a feeling of affection, a promise that the person will always be there for you. But promises are meant to be broken. And love? It saves you, yet at times, it kills you.

It almost killed me.

I stare at the piece of paper, why-

“THEIA!” Matt yells, I sigh and open the door.

“What?”

“There’s a boy at the door for you.” He says. I sigh. Since I’ve been back home, I’ve gotten boys at the door for me. I accepted the first boy who looked nice and cute. It didn’t work out. I accepted one or two more guys afterwards but none of them worked out and I just gave up.

Because none of them was Theo.

And none of them made me feel what I feel when I'm with Theo.

None of them was Theo Hart.

He said he’d be here in January and it’s now February and I’ve given up.

“Tell him I’m not interested.” I say.

“I did. Told him you’re not looking for a boyfriend right now. But he insisted.” He replies. I sigh and run my fingers through my hair.

“How do I look?” I ask.

“You’re in your pyjamas.” He deadpans. I giggle and push him out of my room and quickly change into the nearest piece of clothing I can get my hands on - a simple sundress. I open the door and follow Matt down.

“Just say no and I can do the rest.” He says seriously, ever the over-protective brother.

“I know. I wi-” The words die down as we reach the front door.

“Thei-” Matt begins but his words are drowned as I run to the boy and hug him.

“Theo.” I breathe as we pull away.

“Am I too late?” He asks worriedly.

“A bit. But that’s okay.” I whisper. He smiles and pulls me in for a kiss.

“Okay. That’s enough. I’m leaving.” I hear Matt say. I giggle and pull away.

“Took you long enough.” I say as I pull away to take a good look at him. He hasn't changed in the past few months except now he's wearing casual clothes instead of uniform.

“I'm sorry.” He whispers. “I didn't know should I come… I read all those news about you and Connor Kels and I…”

I sigh at that memory. Connor was the third guy I dated. He was an A-list celebrity and we met during a photo shoot. But I soon realized he was more into my body and fame instead of me. And the media sucked up on that. They followed us on our first date and took tons of pics and the next day most of the gossip magazines had similar headlines. We broke up a week after that when I refused to um have sex with him.

“We lasted an unhappy week.” I answer, rolling my eyes. “I'm glad you decided to come.”

“I'm glad too.”

“Come on, let's go somewhere else where my family can't eavesdrop on us.” I say, loud enough for everyone to hear. I hear a groan, some scolding and muttering. I laugh and lead Theo to a gazebo.

“So what are you doing now that you’re not a guard?” I ask, sitting down and gesturing him to do so as well.

“Well, for the past few weeks, I’m mostly meeting my family and old friends and you know, trying to spend more time with them to make up the lost time.” He replies, wrapping an arm around my waist. “But I might consider being an athlete? But I don’t know. For now, I guess I’m just resting a bit, and maybe be a part-time model.”

“Model, eh?” I tease. “Have you gotten any jobs yet?”

“No, I haven’t. Not really.” He replies. “But one of my friends is an agent and when we were talking about careers for me, he said I should considering modelling.” He pauses and turns to me. “Said I had the looks and the body.” He finishes with a wink. I roll my eyes at him.

“So, you’ve mostly got your life the way you want, haven’t you?” I say with a smile.

“Not all… There’s a part that hasn’t been confirmed yet.”

“What part?” I ask with a frown.

“Well, there is this girl… We’ve kissed, but we never made anything official yet.”

“Yeah? So what are you going to do about her?”

“What do you think? Should I ask to be her boyfriend?”

“Um… it depends on how you feel about her.” I say carefully.

“Well, I love her and I’m pretty sure she likes me.”

What.

“What?” I whisper, peering at him through my eyelashes.

“I love you, Theia Huntley. Will you- will you be my girlfriend?” He asks, sincerity in his eyes.

“Yes.” I laugh. “Yes yes yes!” His face breaks into a huge smile and he hugs me tightly before kissing me again and again.

“By the way, happy Valentine’s day.” He whispers as we pull away to breathe.

“Oh, Theo. Haha. Happy Valentine’s day.” I laugh. He smiles and then proceeds to pull something out of his pocket.

“A small box of chocolates for my girlfriend.” He says, holding them out to me. I giggle, thank and hug him.

“I love you too, Theo Hart.” I whisper as we pull away.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hey, hope you guys enjoy this lol. Oh n that story that The is writing about is actually a story I’m writing! Click here to check it out! Thank! (Shameless promo smh)

[buzzdixonwriter]

Spoilericious Notes On THE LAST JEDI

That’s good… Luke Skywalker, Kylo Ren, and Yoda (hey, I said this would be spoilericious!) are all in agreement that humanity (because humanity represents about 90% of the Star Wars universe; there’s a whole side issue on human privilege that could be explored but we won’t) has grossly misunderstood what The Force is all about, attributing moral / ethical values it lacks (The Force simply…is), and as such creating a huge mess with the whole Jedi / Sith dichotomy and so should be (literally) burned to the ground and something new built from the ashes.

That’s bad… Based on the amount of training Rey goes through to get to avalanche lifting levels of Force mastery, Rocky Balboa would be an omnipotent god if he could just get into the Star Wars universe.  Y’know how in Hong Kong action films and Japanese anime the characters say, “We need special training,” and they spend thirty seconds to a minute in a montage and come out ready to kick Bruce Lee’s ass?  Not as much training as that.

That’s good… For the first time the Star Wars universe acknowledges the dreadful compromise and complexity of any large scale society, in particular how the wealth of the Star Wars universe is generated through arms sales and as such there is absolutely no reason for anyone to stop fighting.

That’s bad… In his climactic showdown with Kylo Ren, Luke Skywalker (dammit, read the title of this post; I said there would be spoilers) promises him and the fans that ”the war is just beginning”.  Question: Are Disney and the filmmakers even aware that they are criticizing their own business model?  I mean, in a certain sense they’re trapped; by the very name Star WARS they are compelled to tell stories about a grandiose interstellar conflict, unlike Star Trek which is just about a long trip that visits distant planets (or at least used to be…).  But this means that despite the title of Episode IV, there is no hope! and the Star Wars universe is condemned to an eternity of horrific conflict and violent death.

That’s good… Everybody has agreed to forget all about that silly midi-chlorian nonsense.

That’s bad… After presenting a consistently godless universe in ten theatrical features, two TV movies, six TV series, and lord knows how many books / comics / games, the concept of God has been dropped into Star Wars (hell as a concept was introduced back in Empire Strikes Back).  I’m absolutely not saying that God has no place in popular entertainment, just that the universe of Star Wars -- both in concept and execution -- consistently portrayed a culture where the very idea of God had never been introduced (but this may be attributable to bad scripting; see below…).

That’s good… Snoke’s throne room is like something out of a 1950s MGM musical, and I mean that in a good sense:  It looks genuinely futuristic and other worldly.  There are some small edits and cutaway shots in the film that look like nothing else in the Star Wars universe (and not big special effects scenes but rather subtle little moments).  Now and then there are specific call outs to earlier films, in particular Luke Skywalker dying (Fnck you!  I told you there would be spoilers!) under twin suns echoing the moment in the original Star Wars when he stared off into the twin sunset of Tatooine and realized destiny was calling him elsewhere.  And the salt-encrusted mineral world of Crait is the closest thing to a genuinely alien world that we’ve ever seen in Star Wars.

That’s bad… As my son-in-law Bobby Dragulescu observed, the Star Wars universe is only visually consistent:  In no shape / fashion / form does it portray a uniform worldview (or rather, galactic-view) of a society that could actually function.  The political systems are a hot mess, and for all the endless talk about trade alliances in the prequels, there’s virtually no signs of actual large scale interstellar trade or commerce (with the possible exception of the bio-factory on Kamino cranking out endless copies of Temuera Morrison in Attack Of The Clones).  Mind you, virtually all space operas suffer from this flaw (Star Trek The Original Series hid it better than most by taking place so waaay far out there that commerce had not yet completely caught up with the Enterprise).  Star Wars looks pretty but makes no damn sense, and this problem only gets worse with each additional installment, building towers of cards on foundations of sand.

That’s good… Poe’s brief exchange with General Hux was Monty Python / Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Galaxy level hilarity, shockingly unexpected in a funny (not offensive) manner, and an absolute delight harkening back to the cheekiest lines in the original Star Wars and The Empire Strikes Back.

That’s bad… The rest of the film has the worst dialog heard in a Star Wars movie written by anybody other than George Lucas.

That’s good… More (human) diversity in the roles, with females and non-whites / non-Europeans filling in a lot of supporting roles.

That’s bad… As much as I hate agreeing on anything with the fragile alt-right critics who decry said diversity, to this specifically limited degree they have a point:  The appearance of such characters was often shot / staged / edited in a way that instead of appearing naturalistic called undo attention to the casting.  “Hey, look!  We’ve got an Asian female doing stuff!”

That’s good… Gimme a moment…

That’s bad… I almost typed “There isn’t a single good performance in this film” but realized that isn’t true; there are several good performances but the bad ones are so bad they suck all memory of the good into a black hole of mediocrity.  Daisy Ridley as Rey does a good job, Domhnall Gleeson as General Hux and Benicio del Toro as DJ both chew scenery with great gusto, Kelly Marie Tran as Rose Tico struggles mightily to make a silk purse out of her sow’s ear and ends up with a nice imitation leather wallet, Andy Serkis draws ahead of Doug Jones as the best-actor-you-never-actually-see-onscreen race, but much to my delight Adam Driver as Kylo Ren goes so far over the emo top that I am capable of forgiving the film of all its grievous flaws.  That being said, The Last Jedi does Carrie Fisher no favors in her final portrayal of Leia Organa (flying through space like a Marvel superhero doesn’t help, either), Laura Dern is woefully miscast and seems to think she’s just doing a table read, and although serviceable as Luke Skywalker, Mark Hamil proves himself to be the least compelling performer to play a Jedi or Sith.  (He does shine as the voice of Dobbu Scay, a trollish alien who insists on shoving coins up BB-8’s nether regions.)

That’s good… ...lemme think…

That’s bad… When it’s good (see themes up above) the script is very good, but when it’s bad (50%+ of the remaining film) it sucks wet farts out of dead porgs.  Finn, Rose, and DJ have an incredibly convoluted / overly complicated hour long sub-plot that contributes absolutely nothing to the story’s final resolution.  They visit a gambling casino world that looks like a crappy swipe from a James Bond movie (tho the Gerry Anderson Supermarionation-looking alien was a nice touch), feature an alien critter race that’s a lift from Syd Mead, and chat incessantly via com-links while traveling through hyperspace despite the fact that tracking ships through hyperspace is repeatedly presented as a radical leap in technology!  And while it’s revealed the First Order has planted a homing device on Leia’s ship (something Darth Vader did in the original Star Wars with the Millennium Falcon) and has an agent on board, nothing is ever done with these ideas.

That’s good… Oh!  Snoke tells Kylo Ren to “get rid of that silly mask”.  That’s nice.

That’s bad… The Last Jedi drops the ball on several plot points in addition to the hyperspace tracking mentioned above.  Luke promises to teach Rey three lessons about the force, but only gets through two and the third one is never alluded to again.  They make a big deal about Rey’s parents being despicable drug addicts who sold her as an infant, completely lacking in Force pedigree which means (a) they are belaboring a non-crucial story point or (b) -- and we’ll give ‘em a benefit of a doubt here -- they’re planting a red herring in order to set up a big reveal for the next movie.  Snoke is demonstrated to be omniscient and capable of planning so far ahead and in so much detail that he can create a fake future in Kylo Ren’s mind for Rey to read, but conveniently leaves a live / fully charged light saber on the arm of his throne to get sliced in half by (and if he’s such a hot snot re Force abilities, why would getting whacked in half ala Darth Maul even slow him down?). 

That’s good… ...I got nuthin’…

That’s bad… Using a starship as a kamikaze by revving up to hyperjump speed and ramming it into the baddies’ ship is a cool idea but makes one wonder why didn’t anybody use it before in the Star Wars universe (c’mon, space torpedoes) and why did they wait to the very last minute to do so -- losing most of the supporting cast in the process -- instead of turning one of the other, smaller ships against Snoke’s flagship?  And nobody in the Star Wars universe has figured out that putting a sharp hairpin turn and/or baffles in an exhaust vent will keep people from dropping bombs / flying spaceships through it.

That’s good… Hey, no Death Star.  Finally.

 © Buzz Dixon

[undead-moth]

I've already shared my thoughts on the sauce scene (which are obviously just my personal interpretation too) but basically, I think that's a broken sauce, and so Carmy's intention wasn't to make the sauce look black with white dots. I also think that's why he throws the dish away. That being said, I do think the writers purposefully made the sauce resemble Syd's bandana and were using that to symbolically indicate that Sydney is one of Carmy's personal character motivations, so I do still think it's a symbol of eventual romance between them.

Totally on board with interpreting them through a Queer Theory lens, although I think it would be giving the writers a lot of credit to say that we were meant to. I do love the idea of them being a queer allegory though - I've seen a lot of people make comments about how they would love The Bear so much more, or be more invested in it, or it would work well if Carmy was a butch lesbian and honestly? I dig that so much (even though I think a lot of his characterization is deeply in line with someone who grew up with the privileges of being a cis man).

I think it works really well too, because it would explain a lot, as you said. Not just Carmy's inability to talk, or the fact that he dated a girl basically because she was there and everyone thought he should, or because he wasn't sure if Claire was his girlfriend and didn't have girlfriends in high school, which would seem to indicate both that he hasn't had a lot of romantic relationships and that he doesn't really understand the relationships he had - but also on Syd's end, with her struggling to talk too, and her feeling uncomfortable with Marcus asking her out and it seemingly not occurring to her he might be interested.

As for Luca...Honestly? Maybe I just, like, missed something, but I did not think we were meant to see any potential between Syd and Luca at all. I did not think that was even supposed to cross our minds as a possibility. All of Syd and Luca's conversation at the dinner was (like every other conversation at the dinner) I felt, a commentary by the writers about Carmy. Like, there's the part where Syd talks about how the dish with the peas is a "trauma dish" and Luca says that Carmy repurposed the peas into a desert one time, and Syd says something like, "Oh he repurposed the trauma," and Luca says, "That's all we can do, right?" Like...none of that, in my opinion, was being used to develop anything between Luca and Syd. And then, later when they're in the kitchen talking, it's mostly about siblings? And again...I felt like we were getting a commentary about Carmy, specifically I thought we were meant to be thinking about Carmy's relationship with Michael. Their conversations were so completely void of any of the usual markers for two people interested in each other, even physcially... I really think they were just being friendly the whole time, I don't know.

Like, no hate at all to SydLuca shippers, but I was completely shocked anybody was speculating that Luca was meant to be a love interest for Syd. And again, I might be missing something, but I just do not see it. (Would love to see Luca with Marcus tho.)

I think Carmy is both the reason Sydney is considering leaving The Bear, and the reason she can't leave The Bear. She recognizes that the way Carmy is behaving this season isn't something she wants to put up with, but she's also grown to care for him and is aware that this isn't the real him, and this isn't what he has to be like. She admired him as a chef from the beginning, and they built The Bear together, and she cares about him so much.

I don't personally think either of them are aware they have feelings for each other yet, but I do think the feelings are there, and I do think it's playing a major role in why Sydney hasn't already decided to accept Chef Adam's offer and just leave. I think it's also part of the reason why she struggles so much to bring it up to Carmy - trying to talk to him about why she's considering leaving, or not leaving, would require her to come dangerously close to admitting to herself/confessing to him how she really feels.

I’m sorry I’m rewatching The Bear again and laughing because Syd makes a dish at Carmy’s place and they plate it together and they both try it and it’s so disgusting that Carmy has to spit it out and literally like less than a minute later he looks at Syd and says, like, very sincerely and softly, “This really was almost perfect.”

[jenmedsbookreviews]

  Man. Where to even begin this week. Well. I will start by saying my reading achievements were next to none. Not quite none. But near enough. Work has been very demanding, I have been very tired and my heart just was not in it. No reflection on the books, more a reflection on my weary and rapidly ageing bones and brain telling me to take a break. In fact I am writing this post in stages as I know where my head is currently at so it if makes no sense come the end … well nowt new there really but this time there is an excuse at least 🙂

So, anyway. Aside from being generally ancient (turned 42 this past week don’t you know) I was preoccupied with something else. Lordy 42. Do you remember being a kid and thinking that people in their forties were ancient? Well I’ll let you into a secret – when you finally reach your forties you bloody feel it too. Just kidding. Age is just a number. Like my chest, mine is just larger than some, that’s all. But back to my point (wandering mind comes with age too…) I was away from home from Thursday until Sunday this week because I took the plunge, packed my backbone in a small holdall and made my way to Harrogate for the Theakstons Old Peculier Crime Festival.

It’s an interesting festival, very different in tone to Crimefest, geared very much to a social atmosphere but encouraging and enticing readers with a healthy and steady supply of books. I say healthy with my tongue in my cheek (not easy to do without biting said tongue – don’t believe me try it), as carrying around the dang things all day has knackered my shoulder but hey ho. 

As book hauls go, this week was mega. It was also rather big in terms of meeting people. I met a whole host of bloggers this weekend who I’m not going to try and name for fear of missing someone and causing great upset, but it was a pleasure to meet you all either finally or again (and you super lovely ones already know who you are 😉 ). I also met quite a few authors that I admire, including Robert Byrndza and the lovely Jan, Caroline Mitchell and Mel Sherratt, Graham Smith, Sarah Wray, Claire Seeber and also got to meet Keshini Naidoo (yes – a small Bookouture bias in this post I think).

It was also lovely to catch up with Kim Nash, Karen Sullivan, Steph Broadribb, Amanda Jennings, Lucy V Hay, Amer Anwar, Felicia Yap, Patricia Gibney, Bernie Steadman and Fiona Cummins again, and to get to say hi to Paul Burston as I absolutely loved his book The Black Path. I even remembered to take pictures of some of them (but not many as I suck at that). Oh yes, and it was nice to see Rod Reynolds again even if he did show Jo and Emma the terrible selfie he took at Crimefest (terrible because I was in it). And lovely to finally meet Graeme Cumming and have a catch up chat with Gabriela Harding in the quiet times. I’m just hoping I haven’t missed anyone and if I have I’m sorry and I do love you too. (Well at least like and admire – love is such a strong word 😉 ).

Have to give credit to Abbie Osborne for the selfies as I would totally not take those 😀

As well as generally milling about I did attend a couple of panels, though not as many as I perhaps would have liked so I’ll try better next time. The Friday night panel chaired by Sarah Millican and featuring Lee Child, Mark Billingham and Val McDermid was hilarious as you would expect. And I totally agree with Sarah Hilary’s shout out for Chris Whitaker as a totally brilliant writing talent. I also went to a blogger/author event organised by Orion where we met Mari Hannah, Emma Kavanagh, Stephanie Marland (aka Steph Broadribb, aka Crime Thriller Girl) and Lara Dearman, a forensics talk in which I learned many important things to include in ‘Killer’, and a quick start talk on writing crime fiction with Isabel Ashdown and Sam Eades.

And I had two lovely evenings out, firstly with Abigail Osborne, Leah and Jill of Jills Book Cafe, and then with Tracy Fenton and the guy and gals from TBC. Thanks for the company all.

And then there were the books… So. Many. Books.

I got the following:

The Devils Claw by Lara Dearman (Kindle pre order 7/9/17);

My Little Eye by Stephanie Marland (Kindle pre order 2/11/17) Happy dance moment :D;

The Wrong Child by Barry Gornell (Kindle pre order 2/11/17);

The Lost by Mari Hannah (Kindle preorder 2/3/18);

Murder at the Mill by M.B. Shaw (Kindle pre order 30/11/17);

Shadow Man by Margaret Kirk (Kindle pre order 2/11/17);

Beautiful Liars by Isabel Ashdown (Kindle pre order 19/4/18);

I Found You by Lisa Jewell;

The Seagull by Ann Cleeves (Kindle pre order 7/9/17) – The only book I actually purchased all weekend.

The Snowman by Jo Nesbo;

If I Die Before I Wake by Emily Koch (Kindle pre order 11/1/18);

Give Me The Child by Mel McGrath;

Eyes Like Mine by Sheena Kamal;

The Silent Companions by Laura Purcell (Kindle pre order 5/10/17);

My Absolute Darling by Gabriel Tallent (Kindle pre order 29/8/17);

The Mountain by Luca D’Andrea;

The Mitford Murders by Jessica Fellowes (Kindle pre order 14/9/17);

The Collector by Fiona Cummins; (soooooooooooo excited about this one and so new there are no Amazon links yet!!! :D) If you don’t know why I’m excited and haven’t yet read Rattle (and if not why not?) then you can order it here and get yourself ready for next year. Did I mention I love that book? I do. I was so excited I may have actually started reading this in bed instead of the books I should have been reading. Oops. (Sorry – not sorry). All the eeeeeeeeeks and squeeeeeeeeals.

The Woman in the Window by A.J. Finn (pre order January 2018);

Consent by Leo Benedictus (pre order 1/2/18);

Perfect Remains by Helen Fields;

Anatomy of a Scandal by Sarah Vaughn (Kindle pre order 11/1/18);

Strange Magic by Syd Moore

So all in all a great book haul of a weekend. And I visited Betty’s and treated myself to a belated birthday cake. Go me.

Now the weekend wasn’t without it’s down moments too but least said, soonest mended so lets move on.

Now as if all that wasn’t brilliant enough, before I left for Harrogate I received some absolutely stonkingly fantabulous book post from the wonderful Louise Ross (LJ Ross). Now I knew I’d be getting the signed book as I won it in a charity auction, as well as the chance to be a named character. But I wasn’t expecting to receive a DCI Ryan series mug as well. I actually collect mugs as well as books so this couldn’t have been a better gift for me and will take pride of place in the collection.

And, totally not book related but my new cushions and mugs turned up. How fab are these?

The McMoos by Jennifer Hogwood – You totally need to check out the website.

Just the one book order this week (just as well) which was Bad Sister by Sam Carrington. It’s due out on 5th October and I can’t wait to get my mitts on a copy.

Just the one Netgalley this week too (just as well) which was The Good Sister by Jess Ryder. It’s due for release on 16th August.

I see a theme here. Kind of reminiscent of my life. I have one of each. I’ll let them fight over which is which 😉

I also received an ARC of I Know A Secret by Tess Gerritsen, the brand new Rizzoli and Isles novel which is due out on 10th August.

Now I am hoping that all of these exciting things I’ve been rambling about above will distract you from my reading tally which stands at the grand total of 2. Lorraine at The Book Review Cafe will be laughing at me this week given her mammoth reading achievements and rightly so. If only I’d saved the bloody Mr Men books… When I say reading tally it was one read, one listen as I only completed one book and then listened to an audio on the way too and from Harrogate. Failed blogger I am then (this is not news but now we have evidence).

Books I have read

Red Is The Colour by Mark L. Fowler

A GRIPPING NEW POLICE THRILLER Bullying. Corruption. Murder.

It is the summer of 2002. The corpse of a 15 year old boy, who has been missing for thirty years, is discovered in Stoke-on-Trent. The city is on the cusp of change and Chief Superintendent Berkins wants the case solved quickly. 

DCI Jim Tyler has arrived from London under a cloud, moving to Staffordshire to escape his past. He is teamed up with DS Danny Mills to investigate the case, but there is tension between the detectives.

When the dead boy’s sister comes forward, describing a bright, solitary child, she points a finger at the school bullies, which puts important careers at stake.

Then one of the bullies is found brutally murdered and when Tyler and Mills dig deeper they start to suspect a cover-up.

What is the connection between the death of a schoolboy in 1972 and this latest killing? 

With the pressure building, and the past catching up with DCI Tyler, will he and DS Mills be able to put aside their differences in order to catch a cold-blooded killer?

I’m reviewing this for the blog tour next Monday but I have to be honest and say that this was a really well observed look at childhood bullying an the people who were involved, both directly and indirectly. With a thirty year old victim it is a tough ask for newly transferred DCI Jim Tyler to bring the killer to justice in this new police procedural from Mark L. Fowler and Bloodhound Books. It is released tomorrow, 25th July, and you can buy a copy here.

…

  You Don’t Know Me by Imran Mahmood

It’s easy to judge between right and wrong – isn’t it?

Not until you hear a convincing truth.

Now it’s up to you to decide…

An unnamed defendant stands accused of murder. Just before the Closing Speeches, the young man sacks his lawyer, and decides to give his own defence speech.

He tells us that his barrister told him to leave some things out. Sometimes, the truth can be too difficult to explain, or believe. But he thinks that if he’s going to go down for life, he might as well go down telling the truth.

There are eight pieces of evidence against him. As he talks us through them one by one, his life is in our hands. We, the reader – member of the jury – must keep an open mind till we hear the end of his story. His defence raises many questions… but at the end of the speeches, only one matters:

Did he do it?

Oh my life. What an intriguing novel. Taking courtroom drama to brand new heights this is a story which will not only challenge your idea of right and wrong but also the whole idea of how courtroom dramas should be. Set as a series of court transcripts and told in the defendants voice the author takes you on a journey and you as reader are set to act as jury. I listened to the Audio book of this and I have to say it was absolutely perfect in this format. My review will follow but you can order a copy of the book here.

…

That is all. Thankfully I was fully prepared on the blogging front so I had posts everyday.

#BlogTour Guest Post: Dying Art by Malcolm Hollingdrake

#Booklove: Katherine Sunderland

#BlogTour Review: The Other Twin by Lucy V Hay

Review: Blind Justice by M.A. Comley

#BlogTour Review: Her Deadly Secret by Chris Curran

#BookLove: Jane Cable

#GuestReview: Another You by Jane Cable

…

The week ahead is a bit of a mixture. I start with a review, then some #Booklove with Helena Fairfax, followed by blog tours for The Marriage Pact by Michelle Richmond, and then The Unquiet Dead by Ausma Zehanat Khan with a very special Author Q&A in between, rounding out the week with more #Booklove with Jack Steele and another blog tour, this time The Lost Wife by Anna Mansell.

Hope you have a brilliant week all. I’m reading all day today before going back to work and some more training tomorrow. Boo hiss to that one but someone has to do it. Going to Chester Zoo on Saturday so think of all the animal/nature pics I can share with you next week. You can’t wait can you? Hope they still have the Pudu’s and the Kimodo Dragon. I love them!!!

See you next Monday.

JL

P.S. since penning this post Sunday evening I have been online and preordered three books from Goldsboro (it’s now Sunday bedtime). We’ll just ignore those, pretend I ordered them after midnight and I’ll fill you all in next week 😂

Rewind, recap: weekly update w/e 23/07/17 Man. Where to even begin this week. Well. I will start by saying my reading achievements were next to none.

[badwritinghabit]

Chef's Kiss | Carmy x fem!OC x Luca | Chapter 4

Previous Chapter | Next Chapter | Masterlist | Ao3

Warnings: Mentions of suicide, Carmy panicking

Word Count: 2,501

Summary: Sophie and Sydney bond over dealing with Carmy's bullshit. And Sophie and Carmy get close in the kitchen.

Sophie started building a friendship with Sydney, the sous chef in Carmy’s kitchen. Their short time cooking together at The Beef acted as an introduction and when Sophie ran into Sydney at a farmer’s market, they reconnected and ended up spending the afternoon together. They wandered the market and eventually decided to chat over coffee and pastries at a coffee shop nearby.

The two bonded over their experiences in restaurants, exchanging stories. Sophie learned about Sydney’s catering experience and her time in culinary school. Sophie shared about her time in San Diego, how she missed California but had to admit Chicago had its own charm.

Sydney updated her about the restaurant. Carmy and the crew at The Beef had found money Mikey was hiding in cans of tomatoes. And they were planning to rebuild into an entirely new fine dining spot, with a window to keep hold of their roots and still sell their famous sandwiches.

Sophie was happy for them. Carmy had talked about his dream to help Mikey turn the restaurant into the Bear for so long. Syd was also excited to be working in a restaurant more fitting of her experience. She deserved the role of CDC and Sophie was thrilled for her.

“I needed this,” Sydney sighed into her coffee mug, looking at Sophie after she vented some of her frustrations. “Carmy is driving me insane.”

“Yeah?”

“He’s been even more unresponsive lately. And I know after his brother– I mean, I can’t imagine.” Sydney had quieted. “Tina was telling me how close they were. How Mikey had been a little unstable but no one ever expected–” she trailed off and Sophie went cold.

“Richie told me he had passed but I didn’t realize.. he- Mikey killed himself?” Sophie asked, feeling her heart start to race.

“You didn’t know? Oh shit. I assumed since you and Carmy were friends you must’ve– it was all over the internet too. With the Beef. There was a couple articles. And Carmy being Carmy…” Sydney was clearly uncomfortable, feeling guilty for spilling something she worried she shouldn’t have.

“No it’s okay, Syd. Carmy and I hadn’t really talked since he went to work at Noma. And I hadn’t really kept up with his career,” Sophie regretted not trying harder to keep track of where he had ended up.

“It’s hard because I know it explains some of this. I can’t blame him. But also, this is my future too. I can’t risk my career if he isn’t all in. And he keeps leaving me hanging.”

“You are absolutely right. Even if he has a reason it doesn’t make it okay for him to abandon you,” Sophie agreed, head still spinning with the news of Mikey’s suicide. “Damn, sorry Syd. I wish I could help. I don’t think me talking to him would be any help though.”

“Did something happen between you? It seemed like you two were talking and now you’re avoiding each other,” Syd said, leaving it open for Sophie to respond.

“It’s a long story. We had a bit of a disagreement,” she paused. “But I wish I knew about Mikey. My dad– uh. My dad also took his own life. A few years before I met Carmy actually. So I know what it’s like,” she said, softly. “Should have given him the benefit of the doubt. He has other things on his mind,” she explained.

“Oh I’m so sorry Sophie,” Syd was instantly sympathetic and Sophie nodded. “I’m sure you and Carmy will work it out,” Syd smiled at her encouragingly.

Sophie hoped she was right.

---

It seemed as though Sydney must’ve said something, done some urging, because Carmy called Sophie a few days after they spoke. He asked her to visit, to come see what they were doing with the new restaurant. And to discuss their decor decisions. He said she had the better eye for art and design. She disagreed, Carmy was one of the most detail oriented people she’d ever met. But she did enjoy it and it was a good excuse to put what happened behind them.

Her visit was fairly short and Carmy was quiet, as usual. She learned a little about the stress of kitchen prep, getting all of the permits, making sure the new space was up to code. She met Carmy’s sister Sugar and offered her help where she could.

She still felt a little awkward around him, a little annoyed at him and herself. But she wanted Carmy’s restaurant to be successful. He deserved it.

She left before they could ever interact without Sydney or Sugar also there.

---

Weeks later, Sophie received a call. Carmy’s voice sounded through her phone. “Soph. I– I know this is sudden. But I have an idea for a dish and I was hoping I could cook it for you.”

“A new dish for the menu?” she asked, confused.

“Yes. I had this idea and I couldn't get it out of my head. Could I come over? I want you to try it.”

“Oh– of course, Carm. Tonight?”

“Yeah. If that’s okay,” he sounded unsure. As if he just realized he was making a strange request.

“Yeah. That would be fine. You can come over whenever.”

Carmy called when he got to the front door and she found him outside, looking slightly flustered, holding a giant bag of groceries. She grinned at him and led him upstairs.

“I won’t get in your way but let me know if you need help. Or a taste tester,” she said. She walked back to sit on the couch and tried to work a little on her laptop.

Something about the sounds of Carmy cooking in her apartment made her feel at peace. Like all of the nights in New York, shuffling around in her tiny apartment, cooking into the early hours of the morning. She missed it. The comfort of just having him around. Eventually she stopped pretending to work and found herself just looking over at him while he cooked.

“This feels a lot like New York, doesn’t it?” he asked, as if he could feel her attention on him.

“I was just thinking about that”, she admitted, walking over and leaning against her kitchen island to get a better view of his cooking. She hummed. “Do you remember that night we made those god awful ginger prawns?”

Carmy laughed, loudly, caught by surprise. “Fuck, I forgot about that.”

“My roommates were so mad. Our apartment smelled terrible for a week.” She shook her head with a grin.

“This smells amazing though. Almost like–” She stopped for a second when she saw the chicken and herbs in the cast iron skillet on her stove. “Chicken Paillard?”

“It is. A little bit of a twist. Because you used to be obsessed with potatoes. And bacon lardons.”

“This is like our lazy sunday dish.” She was astonished. “But French.”

“A little French. A little Danish. Mostly just– our dish. It’s what I want the Bear to be. All of the things I love.” Sophie blushed at the softness in his voice.

He had started plating it, his hands sure as he placed the chicken over the salad of greens, roasted veggies, and crisped polenta– alongside the small caramelized potatoes. An herb and lemon scented pan sauce carefully poured over the top. He turned and handed it to her.

She bit her lip but took the plate and looked it over. Devouring the details, the mix of colors, the golden potatoes and the bright greens and the crispy, browned chicken. She took a bite.

“It’s amazing,” she said, knowing she was blushing. After another moment of thought, she looked up at Carmy with wide eyes. “I remember these potatoes. The Danish recipe.” He had cooked them for her the night he told her he was applying to Noma. She remembered so clearly sitting and watching him cook for her. Sad about his possible departure but happy for him. He was so excited. And he deserved good things.

This dish was all of it. It was New York. It was them, sitting in the kitchen at 2am laughing over complete nonsense because they were so exhausted they had become giddy. All of the quiet joy they had found amidst the chaos. She took another bite. Then she slid the plate over to him. He reached over and took a bite as well, looking at it thoughtfully. “You’re too talented for your own good,” she said, voice too intense for what she meant as a way to play off how much it meant to her. For him to make this dish.

He smiled at her, his own cheeks flaring pink. “I’ve been so fucking lost. Making the menu for The Bear. Syd has helped a lot but we’re both just taking swings wildly, trying to make something memorable. But for some reason this afternoon I couldn’t get our chicken dish out of my head. And I wanted to make something that felt like that. I wanted it to feel like your kitchen in New York.”

Her heart pounded. She was getting caught up in him again. She didn’t want to mess it up. She knew what he was going through. With Mikey. Didn’t want to make things worse for him.

“It’s perfect,” she blinked and looked away, trying to cut the tension. “But you improving on our dish feels a little like that terrible Bobby Flay show,” Sophie joked, lightly. He huffed out a laugh before looking at her with his unbelievably emotional eyes. “I think this is my new favorite dish,” she said, thoughtfully. His eyes lit up and she decided to tell him just how much she loved his cooking– had always loved his cooking. “For years my favorite has been that veal saltimbocca you made for us on our last night in New York,” she admitted quietly, hoping he didn’t feel odd about her obsession with his food.

“That was your favorite?” he asked, eyes wide.

“Yeah. Are you kidding me? It was simple but perfect. Back to basics, that’s what we talked about back then, remember? I was so annoyed with fine dining then, turning everything into foam. I feel like that conversation, that dish changed my career. It has stuck with me ever since.” She realized she had rambled, gotten too passionate, and bit her lip.

Carmy had stepped closer to her. “That day– those dolma you made? I tried for months to get that recipe right,” he said to her, eyes burning into hers. She felt the air leave her lungs. It had changed– the energy between them. Her hands gripped the edge of the counter, nervous. “And those caneles– I get a canele every time I see it on a menu now.”

She blushed, feeling nervous energy shoot up her spine as he stood in front of her, hands on either side of her hips against the counter. “I remember wanting to make something so you wouldn’t forget me when you were off traveling the world,” she responded softly.

He was standing so very close and shifted even closer, she moved slightly, making space between her legs so that they were on either side of his hips. Her heart pounded. He moved his hands and the feeling of his palms on her thighs burned through her jeans. “It worked.” It was a whisper.

And then his lips were on hers, the taste of lemon and smoke still on his tongue from the dish. He was soft and gentle, hands unmoving on the outside of her thighs. But she wanted more. She lifted her hand and tangled it into his hair.

Her thoughts had found her here numerous times before but none of it compared to the reality. The feel of his lips against hers. His hands as they smoothed up from her thighs to her hips, pulling her against him. His hand traveled up the curve of her back and cupped the back of her neck, fingers entwined in her hair. She was burning, every inch of her he touched suddenly alight.

And then it was over.

He pulled back and she found herself looking into his eyes. Something had changed. He was pulling away again.

“Wait.” He stepped back and pushed a hand to his forehead. “Shit, I shouldn’t have.” He was panicking, eyes wide. Gripping his hair, he turned and cursed to himself.

She reached out to him, still breathless. Her brain struggled to catch up but something kicked in, seeing Carmy’s clear distress. “Carm, it’s okay. I know you are about to start a restaurant. Not a good time to make things complicated,” she said, quickly changing to comforting mode. She was still thrown for a loop, her lips and fingertips tingling from the kiss. But she was worried about him. “It’s fine,” she said, again. Trying to mollify whatever feelings he was having. Remembering what she learned about Mikey. Knowing he must be so fucking exhausted with it all. She didn’t want to be another problem.

“No.” He shook his head, hands running through his hair. “Fuck. I ran into Claire. From high school.” She recognized the name, of course. The two had talked about their childhoods and she came up. “We ran into each other and then I helped her move some furniture. And she took me to a party.” He had let go of his hair and it fell across his face. He looked disheveled and broken and apologetic. She realized what was happening. He was choosing Claire. Then why did he kiss her?

Her heart raced. Shame burning the pit of her stomach. But she forced herself to respond. The embarrassment and hurt could come later. “Oh that– that’s good, right?” She asked, her voice sounding much more clear and confident than she expected, even with the stutter. “I know what she meant to you,” she said when he remained silent.

Why did you kiss me? She wanted to ask. Wanted to rewind and have him take it back. It wasn’t fair to do this to her. Make a dish for her. For them. Kiss her. Then say he was with someone else.

“I’m–fuck.” His hands were shaking. “Fuck I’m so sorry, Soph.” He walked over to the table and grabbed his jacket. “I’m going.” And he ran out the door.

She stood there in the kitchen as he left. Eventually she turned to look at the plate of food. Their relationship on a plate. Their hopes and dreams as young chefs. The little safe friendship they had built. She grabbed the plate and threw it into the trash.

She felt tears streaming down her face before she realized she had started crying. She walked over to her couch, grabbed her cellphone from the table, and called Mallary.

“Hello?” her sister’s voice answered almost immediately.

“Mal,” Sophie’s voice wavered, a sob escaping before she could help it.

“Are you okay? What’s wrong?”

“He kissed me.”