#like. this was not how my life was supposed go lol
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starrygazers · 2 days ago
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cross my heart (hope to die)
˖ ࣪⭑ ⸱ haiii :3 I only write like once a year but that won't stop me from yearning for these new characters. I love Amphoreus because I was a Greek myth nerd growing up and this new update tickles me in aaaall the right ways.
˖ ࣪⭑ ⸱ tags : angst, established relationship, mentions of character death
˖ ࣪⭑ ⸱ featuring : Mydei; minor spoilers for 3.0
─── ・ 。゚☆: *.☽ .* :☆゚. ───
Mydeimos, the Crown Prince, has no fears. He tossed away his humanity when he embraced immortality, the tool that he needed to trek on this god-slaying journey. There was no room for fear, not when he had to fight the Titan of Violence. A man such as this was not capable of human emotions; or so he thought.
"So," you hum in a sing-song tone, draping your arms around Mydei's shoulders. "When will you take me to that new restaurant in Marmoreal Market?"
Mydei huffs, but makes no effort to peel your touch off of him. He turns around to meet your eyes; you're so close to him. If it were any other person, they would have faced the wrath of the Undying Lion.
You detect no change in his expression, so you start pouting. "Mydei! You promised me you would."
Mydei shrugs. "Did I?"
You roll your eyes, finally letting go of him and sitting on the empty spot next to him. "Dying doesn't exempt you from the promises you make, you know?"
The Prince can't help but crack a smile at this; you're the only person that he can comfortably joke about his immortality with. With you, it doesn't seem like the big deal everyone makes it out to be. Not the heroic Chrysos Heir trait that Phainon envies him for, or the source of worry for Aglaea and Tribbie. It's just another part of him that you've accepted.
Because you accept all of him.
You cross your arms and look away from him, mumbling about how the restaurant's been open for a month and it's not new anymore so there won't be as many people and why do you always have to go on such long expeditions, but Mydei shushes you by taking a strand of your hair and tucking it behind your ear.
A whisper of apology.
"It's okay," you mumble, extending your pinky. "Just promise again, for this life."
"I'll make a thousand promises if that's what you want," he says, and it comes out rough, like he's doing it to get you off his back. But you know better, you know him better.
He raises his own pinky finger to entwine it with yours. "How does the saying go again?"
"You're so forgetful," you laugh, and it's the most melodious tune he knows.
"Cross my heart..."
Mydeimos knows that he must suffer a thousand deaths, and a thousand more. He's content with this destiny, because he knows he is not given the privilege to choose. He must lay down his god for the glory of what little humanity he has left within him. He will trade a thousand lives for peace, and he will enter a losing battle with only his faith in the infinite lives that he has.
Perhaps this is what made him forget how flimsy a life really is.
In his usual boredom, Phainon once riddled him. "How heavy do you think the world really is? Like, a thousand Dromas?"
Mydei's response, in typical fashion, was to huff and call Phainon's musings irrelevant. But now, he thinks he can answer that question.
The world is really light in his arms. The world is pale, cold, and losing a lot of blood.
"I'm sorry. Don't hate me," you manage to say before your last breath. Your voice is hoarse, but Mydei would beg Oronyx to loop it forever because he still thinks your voice is his lullaby.
It wasn't supposed to be like this. He promised to take you to that restaurant, and many more. He vowed to bring peace to this world to one day crown you as his queen.
Mydeimos knows that he must suffer a thousand deaths, and a thousand more. But this was worse than death. For you, he would trade it all; his status as Crown Prince, his pride as the Undying Lion, his immortality.
A thousand life for yours.
"... and hope to die."
─── ・ 。゚☆: *.☽ .* :☆゚. ───
yaaya it seems I can only write angst lol
©2025 starrygazers. do not repost, copy, translate, modify, or use for AI.
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sprinklesoncake · 6 hours ago
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While I sip on my apple tea and eat my apple pie, let me tell you another my opinion of Calebs storyline.
Warning: Spoilers!
First of all, I was always a Caleb stan the moment I saw him and chapter 4 broke me back then. My worry was, how the devs will handle him in the story. It is hard writing a character who is suppose to be dead in MCs eyes.
His introduction was🥵 him in uniform and then using his evol against an assassin had me feel things and then the scene where the fleet landed and him in his sunglasses AHHHHHH!
The interrogation was also hot af! But that’s not my point, I could go on for days talking about how sexy Caleb is lol When they hugged you could actually feel the relief on both sides. Let me say this but MC in this story was better than before in my opinion.
And I know a lot are creep out by his possessiveness but knowing that he also lost his parents as a young child he probably was already traumatised and then MC came into his life, someone who gave him warmth, that little boy wanted to start protecting his sun so bad. In his anecdotes there is a hint that Caleb was already possessive like he is now. He almost lost his life too during his training as an aerospace pilot but the only thing that kept him fighting was the thought of MC. And now after the explosion he took the sacrifice to be an experiment so that MC won’t have to go through that. In his mind it’s better to be alive than letting MC fight on her own.
And that chip??? Every soldier seems to have in the fleet where they basically become cold and emotionless soldiers? Or when that kid was crying for his sister’s death and the chip realised an error? MC in his myth was implementing one into herself (Might be wrong but I think it is heavily implied) and the chip made her go crazy. She thought there is no tomorrow! Maybe that chip also makes Calebs fear even bigger and that’s why he’s like that now. And possessiveness might not be count as a “weak feeling” by the system.
His possessiveness throughout the main story makes more sense now if you keep that in mind. Am I still mad that he drugged us? Absolutely! But it shows me how easy it is for love turning into possession, the fear he feels makes him do things he normally wouldn’t act out. He wants to protect his sun so bad.
MC however wants to go back in time where everything was still alright. She sees that Caleb is in pain, that someone who had no secrets with her suddenly is not telling her everything. Unlike Zayne, who MC met again as basically “a stranger”, Caleb was constantly in her life and both of them didn’t want to be separated ever. It is understandable that she can’t grasp the “new Caleb” yet.
Both of them yearn for each other so badly and want whats best for the other one but they need to understand that none of them is the same as before. MC is not a child, she knows things about herself which she can’t ignore anymore and Caleb needs to accept that. MC on the other hand needs to accept that after the explosion, Caleb due to circumstances is not the Caleb she knew before.
I was so happy when the start of his myth told us that they found a way to coexist but you could feel that they don’t fully accept it 100%. Yet both of them are ready to die for each other.
And let’s not forget that MC is possessive herself. In his 4* where MC kisses his cheek, the story was about how MC thought he got a love letter and knowing how Caleb never accepted one before, she got curious. She vaguely asked Caleb in 3rd person and he thought she had a crush on someone. Both of them were restless and who tf gets restless not knowing your best friend crush?? UNLESS you yourself are possessive for that person. And the promise they both made at the end? “You promise to not ever get a girlfriend!” That is one cruel promise to make UNLESS again, you are possessive if each other and deep down you know you’ll end up together😂Crazy finds crazy😂
I really like how the devs wrote this story. It is exactly how I thought the vibe would be between those two and I can’t wait for the next story cards and main story.
What is your thought, dear reader?
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zepskies · 2 hours ago
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Oooh here we go, diving right back into Angst City with some manic Cowboy Sheriff. 😅
A computer mouse flung against the wall and only missed Jenny’s head by an inch as the blonde peeked inside his office. The rest of the station had selected her to talk to the big boss, his outbursts even being heard from miles away. “You okay?” Jenny checked carefully. “I’m tryna find that stupid camera!”
*snorts* Oh, he's not handling this well, is he? Can't really blame him, considering a serial killer has the love of his life captured somewhere. 🥲
It wasn’t just about what he had done in there but also about he’d said. No wonder Diane had gotten so easily under his skin. She probably had heard every insecurity he had ever uttered. To you. And to imaginary Randy. How was he supposed to sleep in a place where he felt exploited, exposed, and unsafe?
Oh Goddd, it really is awful. It's like nowhere in his life is private or safe anymore for him. How could you ever feel comfortable in your own office again?
And if the roles were reversed, Beau wouldn’t either. He’d probably be even more annoyingly persistent than Randy.
loll I could definitely see that. 😅
“This isn’t a game, Randy! We need to find Y/N before it’s too late,” Beau argued furiously. They didn’t have time for petty competitions.
THANK YOU. At least one of them is taking this situation more seriously than their rivalry. But I honestly understand and sympathize with Randy too -- he's grasping at straws even though he knows he's losing his (former) wife emotionally already, even if he does manage to find the key to saving her before Beau does.
“‘Sides, why would I give up my favorite part? I’ve waited a while for this one. Killing her? While you two idiots watch helplessly and throw feces at each other like monkeys in a zoo? Gotta say, it’s better than killing twenty-four people combined. Ever since I met Deputy Popcorn, I’ve been actually craving a snack.” Upon Beau’s facial twitch, Diane leaned closer and whispered with a smirk,
Ok, just shoot this bitch out back and bury her under the sheriff's office. Honestly. 😤 (But the monkeys line did make me snort lol)
“About four years ago, she wrote a rather lengthy email to her sister Sophia in Seattle. She seemed very upset. Said there was a little something you wouldn’t give her. Ring any bells?”
Dammmmn how the hell is she getting this information?? But now I'm looking at Randy sideways even harder. 😒
I was on pins and needles throughout all of the reader's almost escape -- that bear trap actually made me physically grimace/wince!! Omg poor thing. But I loved how remembering Beau's advice helped her get out of the trap -- or at least the bear trap, if not Hal's "Benders"-themed game of hunt and chase. 😰
Pulling out their weapons, the two shared a look without speaking a word before entering the house, a feeling of familiarity rising in Beau’s chest. They were still partners, somewhere deep down.
Such a great moment between Beau and Randy here, and such great storytelling, especially as they actually start to work together to solve the mystery of what happened to the reader next. 👏🏽💜 I think one of the things I love most about your writing is you have such a great sense of story beats, creating tension and when to relieve it, and how to build character arcs that provide amazing twists, while also making exact sense when it all comes together, piece by piece.
Beau knew the question was mostly rhetorical, but true to himself, he still answered, “It’s actually pretty easy. Just press down on the springs, and the thing opens right up.” A smile formed on his lips as a memory popped back into his mind. “I told Y/N that once when we took a camping trip back in Houston. She probably didn’t remember it. I mean, honestly, I doubt she was even listening. I was kinda ramblin’, you know?”
Oh these two were made for her -- she was actually listening to his ramblings. 🥰💜
“Yeah, well, it’s true,” he said, his gaze cast downward as if he were confessing his sins to a priest. “She wanted kids, and I told her I didn’t. Neither of us was backing down. The night the cartel kidnapped me, we were supposed to have dinner and talk about it when I got home. Part of me already knew where it was headed.”
Remember earlier when I was talking about your amazing twists that make things click into place even more perfectly? Well THIS IS IT. 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽 It makes things with her and Beau make even more sense now that we know she was likely leaving Randy anyway, no matter how much she loved him.
“Good thing you’re not her father,” Beau snapped. He could only muster so much patience. “You don’t really have a say in who she’s datin’.”
YES, Beau!! I get it, Randy's been dealt a shitty hand, but Beau's POV in this situation and conversation is so valid. 👌🏽 (Especially since she was likely leaving Randy anyway.)
Regardless, it seems like they had the honest man-to-man talk they needed to have about everything. But Wayne!!! That cliffhanger is...
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Polaris – Chapter 12
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Series Summary: When Beau Arlen moved to Montana, he left behind a past he wasn’t proud of. But when a series of murders requires the FBI’s help, Sheriff Arlen‘s ghosts come back to haunt him one by one. With a wrong turn waiting at every crossroads, it’s hard to make the right choices and find his way back home – back to you.
Pairing: Beau Arlen x FBI Agent!Reader
Warnings: 18+, a heavy dose of angst, kidnapping, violence, injuries, serial killers, death, an awful cliffhanger
Word Count: 6.8k
A/N: Happy New Year, everyone! 🥳 We jump straight into 2025 with an angsty banger 👀
Series Masterlist || Main Masterlist || Tag List
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Chapter 12: Through
On one of the sunniest mornings Helena had seen in recent days, the peaceful quiet of the early risers in the Sheriff’s Department was disturbed by one restless sheriff.
Beau was taking his office apart – bit by bit, nail by nail, panel by panel, brick by brick.
The search for you had gone on all night and yielded zero results. You were nowhere to be found. For all Beau knew, you could be dead by now and buried in the vast woods of Montana.
A computer mouse flung against the wall and only missed Jenny’s head by an inch as the blonde peeked inside his office. The rest of the station had selected her to talk to the big boss, his outbursts even being heard from miles away.
“You okay?” Jenny checked carefully.
“I’m tryna find that stupid camera!”
“Thought you already found that hours ago,” Jenny noted with a raised brow.
“Can’t be too careful…” the sheriff murmured, his focus landing on the pile of pens on his desk. The silver one – had that always been there? He picked it up. “Does this look normal to you?”
Jenny only offered a shrug.
“Never mind,” Beau muttered and reduced the pen down to its individual parts. Nothing. Just a plain, old pen.
“Did you get some sleep?”
“What d’you think?”
At five in the morning, Beau had promised Jenny he’d snooze for half an hour on the couch in his office. He did lie down, stared at the suspended ceiling tiles for about a minute, and then remembered the damn camera.
It wasn’t just about what he had done in there but also about he’d said. No wonder Diane had gotten so easily under his skin. She probably had heard every insecurity he had ever uttered. To you. And to imaginary Randy.
How was he supposed to sleep in a place where he felt exploited, exposed, and unsafe?
“Well, uh, I just wanted to tell you that Randy went into Interrogation Room 2 with Diane…”
“WHAT?!”
“Yeah…” Jenny exhaled a deep sigh and leaned against the door frame. “He said you’d deputized him and authorized it, but I had a feeling that wasn’t true.”
Beau ran a hand across his face, rubbing his beard.
Rule #3: She’s my wife. I get to decide how we proceed.
Rule #4: You’re not the boss of me.
“Well, I did deputize him,” Beau admitted. He had given his former partner a long leash, not expecting he’d bolt through the backyard.
“Beau…” Jenny clearly didn’t approve.
“He left me no choice, alright?!”
Well, no choice his guilt could deal with.
The sheriff then left his destroyed office and thundered into Interrogation Room 2 down the hall. Randy wouldn’t get to do this alone. Beau knew there was an ulterior motive – if only Randy saved you, he could also miraculously save his marriage. Randy was a persistent motherfucker. He wouldn’t give up.
And if the roles were reversed, Beau wouldn’t either. He’d probably be even more annoyingly persistent than Randy.
“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” Beau charged in with steam coming out of his ears. For a moment, his anger was so focused on his friend, he didn’t even notice the rising smile on Diane’s lips.
“Good morning, Sheriff Arlen.” Even if Diane’s voice sounded melodious, to Beau it was still chalk on board. “Remodeling the office, are we?”
“You mind?” Randy prompted stand-offishly, glancing up at the sheriff. “Kinda in the middle of something here.”
“Outside. Now,” was all Beau said.
Defiantly and miffed by the authoritative tone, Randy followed him to the hall.
“Play nice, boys!” Diane’s voice echoed through before the door fell into its lock.
“What d’you think you’re doing? You can’t just talk to our prime suspect without my presence!” Beau roared.
Randy rolled his eyes back. “Didn’t know I needed a babysitter…”
“This isn’t a game, Randy! We need to find Y/N before it’s too late,” Beau argued furiously. They didn’t have time for petty competitions.
“Yeah, which is why I’m talking to the only lead we have! That bitch knows where she is,” Randy countered with an equal amount of fury.
“She’s not gonna tell you!”
Randy only shrugged – cocky in nature and completely unlike him. And Beau then realized something that had changed: His friend wouldn’t back down anymore and bend. Those days were over, and it was probably Beau’s own fault.
“We’ll see,” Randy said stubbornly, his hand wandering back to the door handle. “You comin’?”
Beau inhaled and exhaled a deep breath before nodding – and back into the lion’s den they went.
Diane welcomed them with a sneer. “All made up?”
“Tell us where Turner took her,” Randy demanded with a stern expression and firm voice.
If Randy wanted to play bad cop, the role of good cop fell to Beau by default. And although they had never ever played it that way before, Beau figured Randy carried more anger than even him right now. He might as well let him make good use of it.
“Can’t.” Diane twitched her shoulders. “Hal doesn’t tell me.”
“Oh, and we’re just supposed to believe that?” Beau lifted a brow in mock. “C’mon, Diane…”
“It’s true,” she said, smiling. “Call it an insurance policy in case one of you Neanderthals decides to go rogue on me – looking at you specifically, Sheriff Arlen. If you leave your own partner to die in a filthy warehouse, I don’t wanna know what you do to your enemies.” She then looked at Randy, whispering behind her palm, “You know, I think he did it on purpose.”
Beau clicked his tongue and snorted humorlessly. “Alright, Diane, you’ve had your fun. You’ve wreaked havoc… You’ve won, okay? Fair and square. Just give up your partner, tell us where Y/N is, and end this once and for all. Might even get a better deal if you do. Think about it. Murdering an FBI agent doesn’t look good in front of a judge and jury. We have iron-clad proof you killed at least five people in Texas. Capital murder, death penalty… See where I’m going with this?”
“Oh, I’ve thought about it, Sheriff. And I’ve told you: I don’t know where she is now,” Diane reiterated with the same infuriating smile. Her gray eyes then wandered to a wall clock behind the men. “At least not yet.”
Randy and Beau both followed her gaze and stared at that same clock. Their eyes widened.
“Then when?” Randy prompted.
“Don’t worry. You’ll see her soon.” Diane smirked. “If she makes it out alive, she can tell you in person she’s choosing the rugged sheriff here over you, Detective Nichols.”
Randy’s jaw tightened, his fists clenching and unclenching under the metal table.
“I gave her a fighting chance.”
“Oh, you mean like the others?” Beau had known from the start that it would be useless talking to her.
“They all could’ve gotten out,” said Diane as if she blamed the victims for not being smarter and more durable. “‘Sides, why would I give up my favorite part? I’ve waited a while for this one. Killing her? While you two idiots watch helplessly and throw feces at each other like monkeys in a zoo? Gotta say, it’s better than killing twenty-four people combined. Ever since I met Deputy Popcorn, I’ve been actually craving a snack.” Upon Beau’s facial twitch, Diane leaned closer and whispered with a smirk, “Yeah, I know about the cute little nicknames for your deputies too, Sheriff. I wonder how many bugs you’ve found yet in your office. Sure it can’t be all of them. Maybe I’ve bugged the whole station. Who’s to say? Have you checked your trailer yet? The lovely agent’s motel room? No?”
Beau couldn’t pinpoint the exact feeling that clutched his heart and twisted it like a boa constrictor. Pain, fear, anger, sadness – a deadly cocktail for anyone. Was this throbbing sting in his chest what a heart attack felt like? Only recently, he’d read an article in the paper about a guy his age who just dropped dead. Was this it for him?
Would it mean he'd get to see you again, though?
“Enough of that!”
Randy’s voice rang in his ears, but Beau couldn’t refocus. He needed fresh air to breathe, his lungs dried up and clinging to every molecule like he’d been deprived of oxygen for days. The small room felt suddenly suffocating as the monster across from him sneered joyfully.
“Look, I don’t know if you’re saying all that horseshit ‘cause you wanna hurt him or me,” Randy said, his voice laced with a darkness Beau had never seen before.
“Little bit of both,” Diane teased with a shrug.
“Yeah, well, I don’t care either way,” Randy huffed, the deep creases in his brow casting threatening shadows on his face. “Do your worst to me or him. Hell, burn us at the stake if it makes you feel any better, sweetheart, but all I wanna know is where that bunker is. Where is she? Your beef’s clearly with us. Men, right? You know she doesn’t deserve this. Just let her go.”
Diane seemed unamused by the suggestion, leaning back in the metal chair. “You’re right. She doesn’t deserve this. I actually like her. She reminds me of me. But you two did this to her. It’s out of my hands at this point. You don’t deserve her, sheriff,” she said and looked at Beau before her cold eyes shifted to Randy. “Neither do you, detective. I know a lot of things – and not just about the sheriff here. I know what you did to her, too.”
Randy forced a tight smile. “You’re bluffing. I didn’t do anything.”
“Am I?” Diane quirked a brow and then sent him an innocent smile. “About four years ago, she wrote a rather lengthy email to her sister Sophia in Seattle. She seemed very upset. Said there was a little something you wouldn’t give her. Ring any bells?”
With a thick swallow and a glare swimming in his hazel eyes, Randy nodded. “We’re done here.”
Diane let out a long, suspenseful sigh, not bothering to engage further. Her icy heart wouldn’t melt. Her eyes flickered around the bleak, depressing room. “I miss windows. Haven’t seen the outside for days.”
“Yeah, and you ain’t gonna,” Beau huffed. He had quietly listened, his heart rate slowing down as his head started spinning with questions. You had never told him anything. He had never asked. It had been an unspoken rule to not talk about your marriage. Beau always figured knowing too much would only make it worse.
“Too bad. I always liked the autumn sunsets. When it gets dark sooner…” Diane then stretched out her neck. “Anyways, nice chatting with you boys, but it’s time for my beauty nap now. Which one of you two cowboys is gonna accompany me back to my cell, hm?”
The men shared a look and then wordlessly rose, leaving the room. In the safety of the hallway, Beau ran a hand over his face and took his first deep breath.
Air. Lungs. Brain. Without toxicity, he could finally think straight again.
“Well, this was pointless and a waste of our time. Happy now?” Beau huffed with his newfound lung capacity.
But Randy’s brow was furrowed. He was thinking. “Actually, yeah… Didn’t you hear what she said?”
“Yeah, bunch of narcissistic bullshit. She’s not gonna tell us where Y/N is,” Beau muttered bitterly. If possible, he wished to never converse with that psychotic witch again. There was only so much he could handle before snapping her neck.
“She said that she doesn’t know where Y/N is now,” Randy pointed out. “Maybe she wasn’t lying. Maybe Y/N’s not in the bunker yet. Turner might keep her somewhere else and wait till he can move her.”
“At sundown,” Beau mused, Diane’s words haunting his mind. “He’ll move her when it’s dark.”
“Which means we still have a couple hours to find her,” Randy finished the thought.
“Popcorn!” Beau yelled down the hallway. The sheriff found himself in better spirits. He hadn’t used a silly name for his most loyal deputy in days, although it ached a tiny bit to say it now. “Any properties in Newton’s name?”
“Yes, sir, several,” Mo replied.
“I need a list of all in the area. Get a team together and search ‘em. One by one,” Beau ordered. “Warehouses, cabins… Take it all apart. I don’t care.”
“And also see if any properties are in Hal Turner’s name and add them to the list,” Randy suggested.
Poppernak shot Beau a look, and only when the latter gave his agreement, did the deputy nod. “Yes, Sheriff Arlen.”
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The obnoxiously loud sound of birds woke you from a deep slumber. Groggily, you pried your eyes open and found the first few beams of sunlight warming your face. For a peaceful moment of dazed bliss, you had no clue where you were or how you got here.
There was a thumping, searing pain in your skull, hammering away at your sanity like the ticks of a clock. Your neck and shoulders hurt from tension till you realized you were bound to an old wooden chair, a harsh and creaking surface underneath you. Your behind felt both sore and numb.
Glancing around the room, you noticed you were in the living quarters of a small cabin. A fireplace sat to your right. Above it, a cuckoo clock that showed shortly past noon, and you realized that must’ve produced the bird noise that woke you. The stinging sunlight reached your eyes and filled you with hope.
Hal Turner hadn’t locked you into a bunker yet.
“You’re awake. Good.” Turner entered the room with a bottle of water and a sandwich, throwing the items unceremoniously onto your lap. “You need to eat. We’ll leave soon.”
“Where are we going?”
“Where they all went,” he said and came up behind you. Turner wasn’t a man of tall stature. Small, middle-aged, nervous. Non-threatening.
Diane’s little ant.
He cut your ties, and you could tell his hands were shaking. They didn’t treat the others like that. Entertaining a victim had never been his job before.
Sedated, dumped, marooned.
That had been the pattern, and you hoped this little off-course adventure would pay off with your freedom. Your gaze drifted down to a lonely brown belt buckle.
Unarmed.
With free hands and Turner still vulnerably behind you, your arms shot up and wrapped around his neck. Fortunately, he wasn’t as heavy as Beau in training when you jolted him forward, jumped up, and rammed his face straight into your knee.
Unconscious for the moment, Turner tumbled to the ground, and you sprinted through the front door. You hoped it would give you enough time to find an exit.
But all you found was a vast sea of trees – towering pines that reached heavenward with no neighboring houses or roads in sight.
There was a shed to your left. Tools. You needed weapons.
And, most of all, you needed more goddamn time to think your way out of this one.
It wasn’t long till you heard the front door of the cabin slam open, heavy and angry footsteps aimlessly searching before they slowly circled closer to the shed.
Fortunately, your little hide-out had proved itself useful – and fully stocked. Turner had arranged his tools in a neatly organized manner. Nothing seemed to be out of place, screwdrivers hanging on the wall from small to big, pliers, drills, hacksaws… Your weapons of choice, however, fell on a hammer and the heaviest, biggest wrench.
Lurking behind the small barn door, you lay in wait till the old door creaked open and Hal Turner walked through. He only blinked at you wide-eyed before your first hit with the wrench landed across his right cheek. It was hard enough for blood to spew out of his mouth, and as he tumbled forward, you delivered your second blow – the hammer, this time, slamming against the back of his head.
Dropping the tools, you decided to take your chances and make a run through the woods for it. You still had a few fleeting hours till dark. If you just kept going, maybe you’d make it to a road or a town somewhere before you froze to death.
What a great outlook…
However, you didn’t even get farther than a few yards from the house before a sharp pain seared from your ankle throughout your entire body. Falling harshly and bracing yourself on the cold, wet leaves, you screamed out and looked down at the culprit – a bear trap.
Well, points for Hufflepuff!
Apparently, you had underestimated Turner. Ahead of you, you also spied some tripwire. Great. This place was a giant death trap – and you had already hated the woods before all of this.
Getting back onto your feet was not only hindered by the giant claws in your flesh but also the iron chain attached to the trap that tethered you to the ground. So, with your freezing hands, you dug out the metal stake that served as your anchor.
Then, the fucking bear trap – you knew this one would hurt like a son of a bitch. Carefully, you inspected the oozing wound, the razor sharp edges deeply clutching your skin at your lower calf and ankle. For a moment, you even swore you could feel the tips of their pointed teeth drilling into your bone. You tried to pry them apart with your hands but gave up on that idea rather quickly once the jaws cut your fingers.
Glancing at the shed, you saw the door was still ajar. It was quiet in there. Either Hal Turner was gone, solely unconscious, or currently bleeding to death. The shed was your Schrödinger’s cat. As long as you didn’t know which one it was, you still had time.
Taking several deep breaths, you closed your eyes and remembered the trip you took with Beau when you were back in Houston. The two of you drove camping in Piney Woods. For a few days, you were gone and unknown to everyone around you. You could just be you and him. No one had to hide anything. No one had to feel guilty. In those short days, you realized you wanted to spend the rest of your life with him.
“Did you know bear traps are actually pretty easy to get out of?” Beau babbles a random fact in his usual manner when neither of you has said anything in a minute. He glances at you, a happy smile on his face as he intertwines his fingers with yours during a stroll through the green and lush forest.
“Huh.”
“Yeah, all you gotta do is not panic, get up on your feet, and press your weight down on the springs at the bottom. Just pops open and you can pull your leg out,” he explains with a popping sound, turning the little lesson into a show-and-tell.
“Don’t panic…” you mumbled to yourself and sat up. “Get up…” With a strained groan and your palms supportively on the ground, you heaved yourself to your feet. You winced as you put pressure on your injured leg and, therefore, tried to shift your weight to your good one. The main problem was the next step: “Press down.”
Mentally, you braced yourself before you slowly started to put pressure on the leg again. The jaws moved and wiggled in your flesh, but the pain was too much too bear. You bit down on your tongue as tears strangled your eyes.
Alright, next try.
If slow was too painful, then maybe the bandaid method was the way to go. Quick and painless, as they say. You inhaled and exhaled through your nose as you raised your foot a few inches above ground, making sure the springs would hit the uneven surface properly. Then, you kicked down.
The trap sprung open, you pulled your foot out, and released a primal scream that echoed through the quiet woods, surely disturbing whatever lived there.
And then, suddenly, Hal Turner stood in front of you with a shovel.
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Diane’s listed properties came up empty. There was still no sign of you. Turner, on the other hand, had only booked a motel room in his name but hadn’t been seen there in weeks. So, Beau figured he had to be staying somewhere if he wasn’t sleeping in his room.
At four o’clock, the sheriff was close to a breakdown when all leads petered out and the daylight was almost gone. But then Cassie and Denise stormed the station, both out of breath, and brought forth a document that showed a property north of Helena in the name of a Diane Turner. It was a remote cabin in the middle of the woods, which also happened to be close to the location where the ambulance had picked up Randy.
Ding, ding, ding!
Beau gathered the whole cavalry and raced there as fast as he could. By the time he was ten minutes out, the sky had grown dark, the woods pitch-black around him. Switching on the Jeep’s headlights only added to the uneasiness in his stomach. His passenger was quiet next to him, but Beau could tell how worried Randy was by the way his left leg anxiously drummed against the floor mat.
Both of them thought it was too late to save you.
An access road, all dirt, led up behind the cabin, only making it a short hike. Turner’s vehicle had been parked at the fork where it reached pavement. They seemed to be on the right track. After all, if Turner was here, then hopefully so were you.
Beau and Randy were the first to arrive, the cabin inside dark without a single light on, not even a candle burning in the smudged windows. Carefully, the men stepped on the porch, the property around them quiet and undisturbed, but the front door was an inch ajar. Pulling out their weapons, the two shared a look without speaking a word before entering the house, a feeling of familiarity rising in Beau’s chest.
They were still partners, somewhere deep down.
The floorboards creaked under Beau’s boots as he treaded down the hallway. The cabin was small, only consisting of one bedroom, a living area, a kitchen and bath. While the men checked each room, Beau already knew you weren’t here anymore – if you’d ever been here to begin with. Maybe Diane had sent them on a wild goose-chase, another sick game created by the mind of psychopath, while you had been locked in a bunker all along, waiting for him to find you.
How much air did you still have left? Would he get to you in time?
“Beau!”
His partner’s voice drew him from the bedroom to the living space, his mind still rattling with the unspoken fear of losing you. His green eyes then focused on the beam of Randy’s flashlight as it shone on a wooden chair in the middle of the room, a set of cut plastic ties on the floor next to it. There was also an uneaten sandwich and an unopened bottle of water scattered on the ground.
And then, there were the trails, the little drops, and the sheer pools of blood everywhere that made his gut churn. Was it all yours?
“We need to get forensics here,” Beau said with a thick swallow, already pulling out his phone to call Jenny.
“That’s a lot of blood,” Randy said with a lump in his throat, his eyes transfixed on the little red pond by the tips of his feet. And although it was dark, Beau could see the color drain from his partner’s face.
“I know.” Beau bobbed his head quietly, gently clasping his friend’s shoulder as he held his phone to his ear.
The sheriff then informed Jenny of their findings, telling her to hurry any lab results along. The sooner they knew whose blood it was, the better. As he hung up, he noticed Randy following a trail of blood to the door, leading further outside. He shone his flashlight through the dense foliage before it landed on a little working shed to the right.
As Randy creaked the door of the shed open, with Beau behind him, both thought there was a high probability they’d stumble upon a body in there – if not two.
Instead, the shed was disappointingly empty.
Beau whistled lowly as the light hit the neatly arranged wall of tools. “Well, that’s some freak level organization.”
But Randy’s brow furrowed as his light landed on the ground behind the door. “There’s a hammer and wrench on the ground.” He knelt down to inspect it closer. “Got blood on it. Lot of it.”
Beau chuckled lightly and ran a palm over his face to keep the stinging tears of hope inside, which only confused Randy.
“What’s so funny? Y/N might be dead,” Randy said sourly.
“That’s not Turner’s doing,” Beau argued and gestured at the tools on the ground, his heart flooding with a tiny bit of relief. “Look at the wall. Why would he kill her with tools? It’s way too bloody. Guy like this can’t handle the mess. He had a perfectly fine gun. Would’ve been way cleaner if he wanted to.”
“So, you think this was Y/N?” Randy thought for a moment before nodding. “The ties inside were cut. The food and water on the floor… Maybe he cut her loose and she took advantage of it? I mean, it does sound like her.”
“Yeah…” Beau’s eyes then musingly drifted back to the wall. “Is there a screwdriver on the ground somewhere? There’s one missing here.”
“Nope, nothing on the ground,” Randy replied once his flashlight search was complete. “You think she took it with her?”
“Let’s hope so…”
“But if Y/N managed to overpower Turner, why isn’t she here? And where’s Turner? And if it happened out here, why is there so much blood inside?”
Beau licked his chapped lips, his brow returning to their initially creased position. “Maybe she didn’t take him out for good.”
“You thinkin’ she knocked him out and escaped?”
“Yeah, and then Turner woke up, went back into the house before taking off after her through those woods,” Beau shared his theory. It would explain the vast amounts of blood inside.
“So, your theory is she’s lost and being hunted?” Randy cocked a brow.
Beau only offered him a shrug. “Best possible scenario.”
“Great.” Randy scoffed. “What’s the worst possible scenario then?”
Beau’s Adam’s apple bobbed. “I think we both know.” Licking his lips, he patted Randy’s shoulder. “But let’s not think about the worst right now. I’ll get a team going to search these woods. We’ll find her. You’re not losing her again, alright?”
Randy could only nod and hope, but a little tug on his heart told him something different as he glanced at his former friend.
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“It’s been three hours,” Randy huffed frustratedly as they passed the same street sign to Helena down the mountain once more, driving up and down the roads around the cabin in an endless loop, hoping and praying a miracle would happen. “Don’t you think we would’ve found her by now? If she’s hurt and inside those woods, we should be in there looking for her.”
Beau passed another sigh between his lips. There had been three hours of that, too. Patience was a not only an eight-letter word but a bitch as well.
“Neither of us is any help there. We don’t know those woods. You don’t even a phone, Randy,” Beau said with a bit more firmness in his voice, causing his partner’s frown to deepen. Saved by the bell, Beau’s phone chimed in his pocket with Jenny’s angelic name popping up on the screen. He pulled over on the side of the road before picking up.
“What you got? Uh-huh… You sure? What did they say about the cabin? Okay… Both of ‘em? How far? Which direction? Alright… We’re close. Driving back up there now.”
Randy held his breath till Beau hung up, trying to guess the content of the phone call by the various facial expressions of the sheriff. Then, he asked, “Good news or bad news?”
“Hard to say,” Beau replied, his eyes fixed on his hands gripping the steering wheel. He swallowed the lump in his throat, gave himself an encouraging nod, and started the engine, trying to sink every bad theory that surfaced in his mind. “Forensics came back. Our theory was partially correct. The blood inside the cabin was mostly Turner’s.”
Randy raised a brow, his heartbeat thrumming in his ears. “Mostly?”
“Evidence points to her not escaping. Turner might have gotten to her before she could even leave the property. They found a bear trap with her blood on it,” Beau explained slowly, his grip on the wheel tightening. “Dogs picked up a trail, leading into the woods. Forensics confirmed both of their blood on that trail.”
“Doesn’t mean anything. He could’ve followed her. She still could’ve escaped,” Randy replied and knew full well it was only sugarcoating the truth swimming in the lower pits of his belly.
“Could’ve…” Beau nodded and swallowed heavily. “But then again, if she did manage to escape, how did her blood end up inside the cabin?”
Defeated, Randy licked his lips, expelling a humorless chuckle. “Yeah, guess my hopes are little too high. I mean, how the hell would you get out of a bear trap?”
Beau knew the question was mostly rhetorical, but true to himself, he still answered, “It’s actually pretty easy. Just press down on the springs, and the thing opens right up.” A smile formed on his lips as a memory popped back into his mind. “I told Y/N that once when we took a camping trip back in Houston. She probably didn’t remember it. I mean, honestly, I doubt she was even listening. I was kinda ramblin’, you know?”
“Uh-huh. I remember. I’ve spent a lot of time with you…” Randy smacked his lips, fingers tapping his thigh. “You guys went on a trip together?”
Beau’s mouth opened on reflex, but he stopped himself from replying, shooting a scrutinizing look at his partner. “Yeah, uh, just the one, really. Shoulda been more…”
Regrets seeped to the surface. If Beau had known he had only a finite amount of time with you, he would’ve enjoyed and appreciated every last second of it. He should’ve spent less time in his head. He should’ve taken you out on more dates. He should’ve been the best he could be. Instead, he wasted so much time and couldn’t even remember why in retrospect.
“What makes you say that?” Randy’s question rang both with curiosity and pain. His brown eyes stared stubbornly ahead and focused on the dark road.
Beau blew a long sigh. “Well, I wasn’t always the best–,” he hesitated a moment before saying the word, “–boyfriend, I guess.”
If Randy was upset by the term, he didn’t let it show. Maybe he was sticking to Rule #2. He quirked a brow and glanced at Beau in the driver’s seat. “So, on top of stealing my wife, you’re telling me you didn’t even treat her right?”
“Guess so,” Beau admitted quietly, poking the inside of his cheeks with his tongue and ignoring the subtle jab. “And I didn’t treat her badly, by the way. Just could’ve tried harder. Felt guilty because she was your-, well, you know… And the divorce got kinda messy, too. I just wanted to stay clear of complications.”
Exasperated, Randy scoffed, shaking his head. “This is not really making me want to give you my blessing…”
Beau huffed a chuckle. “Didn’t know that was an option.”
“Well, it’s not. You don’t deserve her.” Randy clicked his tongue, pensively bobbing his head. He then finally admitted, the words sounding almost sour, “Neither do I. You might be as big of an idiot as me.”
Beau’s eyes widened in surprise, his focus briefly swaying from the road. “What d’you mean? You guys were perfect together. Is this about what Newton said?”
Randy’s lips curved into a bitter smile. “Y/N never told you?”
“Told me what?”
Randy chewed on his lower lip before pushing out the words that had plagued him for three years. “She wanted to leave me.”
Beau shook his head. “Nah, I don’t buy it. She loved you. You should’ve seen her after she thought you’d died.”
Randy inhaled sharply, his head spinning with regret and heart filling with hope. For the past years, he had wondered if he’d ever get another chance to fix things with you.
“Yeah, well, it’s true,” he said, his gaze cast downward as if he were confessing his sins to a priest. “She wanted kids, and I told her I didn’t. Neither of us was backing down. The night the cartel kidnapped me, we were supposed to have dinner and talk about it when I got home. Part of me already knew where it was headed.”
Beau listened and nodded. He remembered the set dinner table, the lovingly prepared food, the candles – it didn’t seem like something one would do if they planned on leaving.
“No, I don’t think she would’ve left you,” Beau noted, although his heart stung when he said it out loud.
“I overheard her asking Carla for a divorce lawyer. Pretty sure she was,” Randy retorted. “Seems silly now. She was already out of my league. I should’ve just given her what she wanted. I don’t even know why I didn’t. I should’ve just shut up and been grateful.”
“That’s what I would’ve told you to do,” Beau muttered, his brain trying to keep track and process everything. Why had you never told him any of this? And more importantly: “Why have you never told me?”
“Guess I was embarrassed.” Randy shrugged. “And I already knew what you would’ve said.”
Secretly amused, Beau cocked a brow. “What? That you’re an idiot?”
“Exactly.”
“And Carla knew?”
“I guess.” Randy gave another shrug of his shoulders. “I mean, they talked all the time. Well, mostly it was Carla complaining about you, but still…”
Beau’s brow furrowed into deep lines. He should’ve been more surprised than he was. The only thing that really baffled him was the fact you had still agreed to date him after hearing all of that. What else didn’t he know?
“I thought they met once a week for book club?”
Randy shot him a pitying look. “Dude, there was no book club. Only three bottles of wine.” He then exhaled a long sigh, stretching back into his seat. “Maybe it’s good she didn’t pick anyone. She deserves someone who can give her what she wants.”
“What makes you think I can’t?” A little offended, Beau raised his brow. “You know, when she came back a few weeks ago, I swore I’d make things right. I wouldn’t let her go this time.”
But Beau broke that promise. He pushed you away to stay clear of complications. His heart twinged.
“And you think she wanted to live in a trailer in the woods of Montana?”
“Doesn’t matter. I would’ve given her anything she wanted. No questions asked,” Beau stated simply. “I was happy when I was with her. Didn’t matter where we were or what we were doing.”
“So, what? You planned on marrying her? Kids?”
Beau twitched his shoulders, his eyes not drifting from the street. If he glanced at Randy only for a beat, he couldn’t ignore his friend’s reactions any longer and still remain honest. “We never talked about it, but... If that’s what she wants, then yeah. Don’t even have to think about it. You really were an idiot, you know?”
“I know that. Thank you,” Randy huffed sarcastically and rolled his eyes. “Still not getting my blessing, though.”
“Good thing you’re not her father,” Beau snapped. He could only muster so much patience. “You don’t really have a say in who she’s datin’.”
“You’re one to talk.” Randy scoffed mockingly. “I met your friend Denise at the station. We had a long chat. She almost talks as much as you. Sounded like you tried to have a say in who Carla should marry. Little hypocritical, don’t you think?”
“That’s different,” Beau retorted defensively. “We have a kid together. Whoever Carla’s seeing is also gonna be in Emily’s life.”
“So, you don’t even care a little about Carla’s well-being? ‘Cause Denise said you killed her new husband,” Randy countered cleverly.
“Of course I care,” Beau admitted frustratedly. What did Randy want to hear? That he was right about everything? Well, except one thing: “And I didn’t kill Avery, by the way. Might have been slightly responsible for his death, sure, but I didn’t kill the idiot.”
“Seems to be a pattern for you. Maybe Diane was right,” Randy muttered wryly.
Beau licked his lips and sighed. “Listen, I know that devil woman is good at getting into someone’s head, but you gotta believe me, man. I did not leave you to die. If I had known–”
“Whoa, I know,” Randy interrupted him with an amused chuckle and two placating hands. “I was just joking. I knew you didn’t hand me over to the cartel on purpose in some evil ploy to get with my wife. That would be insane.”
Beau gave a nod, accepting his answer with relief. “Well, good.”
“Look, I’m not delusional, contrary to what everyone’s thinking. I know things happened while I was away,” Randy admitted. “I figured she had moved on. For three years, I actually hoped she did. I wanted her to be happy. Just didn’t think it be you, I guess. Probably shouldn’t have been surprised, though. I kinda knew you always liked her. Just didn’t think any more of it, you know?”
“And there wasn’t more, alright? I promise,” Beau assured him, his cheeks reddening from embarrassment. He never thought Randy would’ve suspected anything – not that there really ever was anything. But had his tiny crush really been that obvious? “One of those things, you know? Just ‘cause I find Michelle Rodriguez attractive doesn’t mean I seriously expect to date her. I didn’t know it was more than that till I spent some time with her.”
“Good to know,” was all Randy said, crossing his arms with an uncomfortable clear of his throat. “Definitely surprised Y/N likes you, though. She always had a pretty low opinion of you. Said you were doing shitty police work and I should be more careful. Guess she was right..." Beau shot him a darkened look but refrained from taking the bait. Randy pursed his lips. "Look, I know I’m a pain in your ass right now. You’d probably love to get rid of me.”
“Well, hey, that’s not–”
“What, true?” Knowingly, Randy lifted a brow. “I would if I were you.”
Beau only nodded, not admitting out loud the thought had certainly crossed his mind. “So, what are you thinking now?”
“Still want her to be happy,” Randy said quietly.
All of a sudden, Beau then slammed on the brakes, both men jolting forward into their seatbelts. A loud thud echoed through the car as something heavy hit the Jeep’s hood. For a moment, the sheriff thought he’d run into a deer before blinking his eyes at the bloodied and muddied image of Hal Turner.
“What the hell?!”
Turner was in rough shape, pantingly and deliriously stumbling around the car and onto the road, shielding his eyes from the blinding headlights with his palm. Blood dripped from various places from his head and body before Beau’s eyes narrowed on the metal tool stuck inside his neck.
“Guess we found our missing screwdriver,” Randy noted as the two men jumped out of the car, guns drawn.
“Where is she, Turner?” Beau prompted sternly, his finger itching to pull the trigger for everything he’d done to you. But knowing where you were was more important than a vendetta. Turner could only speak while he was alive.
And the man seemed to know it, too. Before the sheriff could call for back-up and an ambulance, Turner sneered and raised a hand, gripping the screwdriver tightly.
“No, don’t!”
Beau’s plea came too late. Hal Turner pulled the makeshift weapon out of his throat and collapsed to the ground, bleeding out within seconds.
Randy’s fingers landed on the man’s pulse point. He glanced up at his partner with a shake of his head. “He’s gone.”
Throwing his gun angrily into the rustling brushes, Beau gripped his temples and screamed into the void of the dark woods. Desperation clawed on his mind and heart. The fear of losing you for good took him prisoner. With labored breaths, he squeezed the bridge of his nose with his thumb and forefinger and rubbed his tired eyes. Turner had been his last lead. He knew more wouldn’t be coming.
What now?
A sanctimonious beep of his phone drew his attention. A small part of him prayed it was Jenny, informing him you’d emerged a few miles up the road – bloody like Turner, but otherwise fine. Alive.
But his green eyes only found an email and darkened at the sender’s name. “Diane just sent me a link.”
Randy, caught in his own spiral, suddenly glanced up. “To what?”
“Livestream.”
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Chapter 13: Sure And Certain
Another cliffhanger, and it looks like Diane's still having the last laugh 🙈
What did you think of this part? Were you surprised by Randy's revelation? He might've changed his mind on a few things 😉
See ya next week for the freaking finale 🤍
Join the TAG LIST here! 🌌 Wanna sponsor my caffeine addiction? ☕️
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@agalliasi @yvonneeeee @hobby27 @iamsapphine @globetrotter28
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@syrma-sensei @perpetualabsurdity @deans-baby-momma @yoobusgoobus @jessjad
@hunter-or-the-hunted @k-slla @just-levyy @mrsjenniferwinchester @illicithallways
@muhahaha303 @ultimatecin73 @nancymcl @leigh70 @brightlilith
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Everything Beau Arlen: @snowayumi
Polaris Series: @corruptedcruiser
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starfacenix · 2 days ago
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To all of my god spouse’s out there and people who look at those people with intrigue or contempt:
You can not approve of someone’s practice and personal relationships with a deity, but that doesn’t mean you should disrespect them the way I often see.
People understand and love that their gods can be a friend to them, a mom, a dad, or a sibling. But suddenly someone is being self absorbed and has “main character syndrome” or some other thing if they’re flirtatious or romantic with a deity.
Because when has a god ever wanted a human before, right?
I also suppose it depends on how you view gods. Do you think they’re so other worldly and beyond us that they don’t even “need” us? Or are they more personal than that? I’ve seen someone say that they think gods don’t have stomachs or understand human emotions! 😭 To each their own!
But personally, I view gods as very powerful beings that can show up to us in so many ways that our eyes cannot even comprehend sometimes. I do think they have stomachs, through. Lol. I also believe they love very very deeply, they have complex emotions and personalities just like the rest of us. They fuck up, have flaws, and are like us in many ways.
So with believing that, comes with believing in the idea that they could come across a human that they enjoy the company of on a deeper level than just worship or work. I think it happens a lot more often than we think, actually. Does something always come of it? Probably not, but I do think it happens often. I don’t always believe people saying they’re “godspoused” either, (meh on that phrase) but I suspend my belief. Because usually, these people are in disbelief too and go through many hoops to ensure the feelings their deity feels are the real deal too.
I see people say that godspouses aren’t better than them and to that I say of course they aren’t! If someone that’s in a relationship with a deity says they’re better than others than take it up with that specific asshole, not an entire group of people. If you’re someone that believes that gods only want worship and they don’t want to be your friend, lover, parental figure or otherwise, to each their own! Just don’t be a dick.
And to the actual people out there that are in a relationship or multiple relationships with deities: please take care of yourself. And before you think of getting into a relationship with one, please, I beg of you, think about yourself and your mental health first. Can you handle not being their only lover, partner? Can you handle seeing others talk about your god in a romantic way, even sexual manner? How they please others besides you? How you’re not the only one in their life?
I hate to be so blunt, but the idea of someone getting into a relationship with a god even though the jealousy will eat them up at night makes me so sad. Now I don’t say all that to say that your relationship isn’t important. It’s just not the only romantic relationship this god has. I truly believe gods love their partners very deeply. To feel a god’s love in this way is very special. It’s something that cannot be described easily. It’s a love that makes people become poets.
But it’s not for everyone. Think about it first.
Your relationship with said deity is valid and it’s yours. Whatever form it may take. Cherish it and take care of it.
Blessings and much love to all of you.
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florida3exclamationpoints · 6 months ago
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My best friend can't come to be here when I hopefully possibly have a really big personal achievement in a few weeks that other people have made difficult for me and should've happened before she even moved away anyway. So ig I'm gonna kms
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why-the-heck-not · 3 months ago
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me, a responsible being, working on the coding project as I should vs. me, a dysfunctional shithead, getting distracted by reading about brains (once aGAIN damnit (it's my favorite "I need to study my field but bc I should do that it's an impossible unthinkable feat now, so I'm reading about something else to fool my brain I'm still being productive"-topic))
#but after my thesis me & brains have been on a break bc got tired reading abt them during that (bc I had a topic that sorta allowed me to#sidetrack to brain stuff also) but seems I'm over the brain overload now#yay? i guess#also no one who actually studies medicine/brains/etc. yell at me abt wikipedia and like ''why are u studying that like that''#I'm just going through the wikipedia & reading article abstracts path; nothing serious#also my procrastination has reached inhuman levels like it's a full-time job now#bc I have like a chill week's worth of work to do and then I've done the courses for my bachelor's degree#but sending in that ''heyy i'm done with the courses let me graduate''-thing fills me up with sO MUCH anxiety & dread I'm working so slow#now (even tho couldn't send that in for like a month bc gotta first wait the courses to be graded and stuff so in actuality I should#not be slowing down even a bit bc I need to finally be done with this damn degree asap; gotta move on and should've ages ago (it's actually#super bad how late I'm with it (1.5 mf years jesus christ; I'm not even like a little bit proud abt getting a degree anymore like I'm sorta#just embarrassed if I have to tell ppl like ''yea I graduated'' bc dude ?? only now?? u were supposed to be done with that 1.5year#ago what have u been doing (fuck if I know) so I'm keeping it like ''if anyone asks'' basis)))#(the tags and parantheses started a life of their own lol sorry abt that)#studyblr#studyspo#bookblr#booklr#study#november 2024#2024
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tigersharkapologist · 12 hours ago
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ho HO just caught up on this thread did not realize this was sitting and updating in drafts lol.
To branch off of septimius, one truth about the gladiator movies is that it’s basically historical fanfiction/au so it’s almost never going to be 80%+ historically accurate. Real life septimius ruled for 18 years, which is pretty solid. Gladiator septimius probably didnt rule for long at all. It has been around ~16 years since the death of maximus, and its been implied that the twins have ruled for the majority of that time. But what about septimius? How long were his ruling years? Not much it seems. Since history rhymes I say he got assassinated big time, maybe when the twins were a bit younger since it seems they’ve had this power since their later teen years (Assuming they’re in their 20s rn)purely guessing with the audacity at which they behave. A point was brought up that the og praetorians septimius didn’t trust got fired and were replaced (maybe he didn’t trust them because they were so easy to refuse Commodus a sword even though they’re literally almost only supposed to listen to what their praefecti tell them to do?? sideplot did quintus and his batch get fired lol? could that be an explanation as to why we dont see him in the second film even though there were about 4 praefecti so chances are he was mixed in the sea of purple somewhere) Speculating but chances are they killed him for that. Regardless he definitely was killed he had maybe five years or less in rule if the twins had the majority since the death of Commodus. That or he was overthrown which is sort of a stretch I feel?
And you’re right in the sense that they have a reason to feel safe, conquering was a huge factor in the success of acquiring the approval of the people, so they definitely had that going for them. My question is have they had assassination attempts before? Were people too scared to even try given their reputation? Do the people think that maybe they killed their father? What about their mother, Julia? Did she suck too? Was she killed along with her deadbeat husband? And most importantly why does bro hate his kids is there some hatred towards red heads Im not aware of (tbf it was a rarer hair color in rome and looked rather similar to the very tribes they were conquesting)
What made septimius such a BAD person? Why did he get like this? He managed to be such a source of pain and negativity in the twins’ childhood to the point that they never fully recovered from it ~10+ years later and probably never will.
au where lucilla and acacius adopt these idiots?? please?? PLEASE they need at least one good and solid ***non deceptive*** father figure in their life and Acacius would crush it I feel.
I started to wonder how many emperors were killed by the praetorian guard and apparently it was quite a few lmao so the emperors were very much not safe with their own bodyguards
makes me wonder how many other little personal privileges the guards could take if they would even kill the emperors if they so chose and if the emperors were ever scared of them
the guard were elite soldiers and a branch of the military working as the emperors' private police essentially
they worked for the emperors and their job was to protect the emperors and to stop social unrest and also demonstrate the emperors' power but while they were ordered by the emperors they were not commanded by them but instead by their own commanding officers
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mohntilyet · 1 month ago
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illario + lucanis growing up together means a lot for obvious reasons ofc like the fact they did not have to go through the dellamorte villa torment nexus alone really helps. immediately from the moment they are taken to that house, lucanis has had something to protect and love. the snark and jokes that they share in wigmaker job finally having a chance to shine outside of the only person lucanis is socialised with and he learns that wow, he's actually likable. because up until this point everyone around him calls him a demon and is freaked out by him but ofc the veilguard only know him as lucanis "he banished harding from the kitchen" dellamorte. sure he's a big bad crow assassin but his reputation simply does not carry that much weight with people who are just equally deranged (maybe a de riva rook but that's also a little different) . and then he's able to share and extend that love with his new friends, and able to try being something that he's not had the chance to before, and his goodness is actively encouraged rather than being an unfortunate sidequest that is tolerated. and i fondly think also of how much of that humor is copied and mirrored off illario ("shoulders....... feeling tight...... need a ..... MASSAGE!") and it's his best experiences with illario that turned him into the man he is. wish the game explored this just a little more because the betrayal would have been made a lot more intense if they had just bothered to show any of illario's redeeming qualities. he has them!!!!! nobody is just born a traitor. you have to love someone before they can become that.
#not sure where i was going with this one#just thinking of the differences in the way lucanis is in wigmaker and in veilguard#particularly with how.. jokey he is i guess. that was much more illario#anyways sorry i need to keep posting about him but i also dont want to start cornplating#'you're the vengeancey one!' 'a funny little dog' 'usually its just death' etc. that was all illario#not that lucanis is not funny in wigmaker just.... i dont know. it manifests differently. he's taunting and sarcastic#anyways. sorry. i have to lie down#its a point ive made before and the point was supposed to be illario's obvious influence on lucanis#but . idk. i dont know if thats clear. anyways#illario dellamorte#lucanis dellamorte#txt#and then ofc how lucky lucanis was to have the veilguard while illario's self inflicted fucking torment nexus made his life worse#thinking of that one post. one of my mutuals made and ive lost to my likes. where it was like#if illario just had one positive relationship outside of this shit where he felt valued and loved and received this attention#then he would not have turned out the way he did. which i honestly believe is true lol#lucanis is 'obligated' to love him. the same way they're both raised to believe family is everything and the way they're obligated to-#-love caterina. having an outsider actually care for him for no reason other than being illario could have actually fucking like#fixed this. and i hesitate to say 'power of friendship' 'dick so good it saved him' 'post nut clarity' etc etc but ITS JUST.#MAYBE HE DESERVES SOME COMPANIONSHIP THATS NOT THE CROWS. THE SAME THING THAT LUCANIS GOT. THATS ALL
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manchesterau · 3 months ago
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happy 15 years of dan and phil!
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canon-gabriel-quotes · 6 months ago
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Transcript:
I'd like to congratulate you on getting your CPR certification.
Now remember, when you’re going in for compressions, it should sound like somebody is standing behind you with the worlds largest Dorito and cracking it open!
Go in firm and hard and snap as many ribs as you can on the way down, that means you’re doing it right.
You save that life. Good luck.
Or... Or... Or kill them, I don’t fucking care.
Audio source
#ultrakill#gabriel ultrakill#congratulations this is misinformation and by listening to it you have actually gotten a bit dumber <3#you're welcome!#anyway. this is the first post using a new method for the filter. my second time completely redoing it lol#can anyone but me tell the difference? probably not! did i spend hours trying to figure it out? yes!#basically what i did was download an unedited audio from his patreon and compared it to the edited version (the srimp special if u care LOL#and did edits- then compared it to the edited version. over. and over. and over........ and over.......................#ANYWAY.#turns out i have been delaying too little#before i had done between .025 to .075 depending on the audio#its more around .1#i also downloaded reaper to add the bitcrush#so its about as close as i can get it without having the exact number that the filter is supposed to be delayed by#i could not for the life of me figure out why mine has less 'echo' but its close enough..#plus the audio from the streams is not the best quality and already has a slight filter on it anyway so like- theres only so much i can do#cough. so anyway i brought my laptop to work today and spent a long time figuring that out#paid to shitpost on company time~#also i have no idea if this is too loud or too quiet cause the audio levels on my laptop are weird#like anything over 10% volume is super loud#i was at 6% while editing but idk how that is going to translate over to other people uhhhhh idk let me know if its ok
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xxrat--punkxx · 1 year ago
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Repair day
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add1ctedt0you · 1 year ago
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Four times Jiang Cheng protected someone
Bonus: Two times Jiang Cheng was protected by someone
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Yet, at the same time, Wen Zhuliu was closing in on Madam Yu. He looked as if he was about to knock her down. Jiang Cheng hurried, "Mom!"
He immediately gave up on Wang Lingjiao and threw himself over.
The Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation - Chapter 58 - Poisons - Part 3
That, at the town we passed on our way, when you were buying food, a group of Wen Sect cultivators caught up. That, I discovered them early and left where I sat, hiding at the corner of the street and didn't get caught, but they were patrolling the streets and would soon run into you outside.
That this was why I ran out and distracted them.
The Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation - Chapter 110 - Concealment - Part 4
Jiang Cheng heard the voice as well. In an istant, his face had turned white, "Sis? Sis! Where are you? Where are you?"
The Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation - Chapter 78 - Nightfall - part 3
With a roar, Nie Mingjue grabbed at Jin Ling. Both Jiang Cheng and Jin Ling had backed away to the corner of the wall, unable to retreat further. Jiang Cheng could only stuff Jin Ling behind him and unsheathe Sandu, which at the moment was unable to use spiritual energy, forcing himself to fend off the attack.
The Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation - Chapter 107- Concealment - Part 1
Bonus:
Lan Wangji grabbed Wei Wuxian's shoulder with one hand, letting Wei Wuxian stand behind him, and with his other hand he forcefully pushed away Jiang Cheng's hand. Rage could be seen hidden within his eyes. Although his push held no spiritual energy, it was quite powerful in terms of strength. The wound at Jiang Cheng's chest ripped apart again. Blood surged.
Jin Ling cried, "Uncle, your wound! Hanguang-jun, spare some mercy!"
The Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation - Chapter 102- Hatred - Part 5
Nie Mingjue's heavy fist punched through a body.
But the body was neither Jiang Cheng's nor Jin Ling's.
Wen Ning blocked himself before the wall, in front of the two of them. With both his hands, he grabbed Nie Mingjue's iron arm and slowly pulled it out of his chest, leaving behind a large, hollow hole. There was no bleeding. Only a couple of black organ crumbs fell out.
The Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation - Chapter 107- Concealment - Part 1
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tennessoui · 4 months ago
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it’s like baby gorl there’s no way I, the author who wrote the fic you’re commenting on and who is the intended audience for this comment, am gonna agree with you 😿🙏 some things can just stay on your chest 🙏
#there’s a threshold I think of what I accept in comments about characters#and their actions or about who is in the wrong or what should happen#because I do like reading people’s opinions#and sometimes when someone is like I didn’t like obi-wan in this fic#I’m like makes sense! maybe you weren’t supposed to or maybe the argument they had was supposed to not be clear cut on who is right#because arguments in real life don’t always have a clear cut winner or morally superior person lmao#I’m ok with that I’m ok with comments saying boo this character is annoying#because sometimes they just are (eg the amount of people who just don’t like obiwan in pbatmb like?? yeah of course he’s not gonna be nice#but I digress lol#anyway but there’s a threshold of when comments about not liking a character go too far and you’re just like.#saying mean things about the writing itself and that’s not something lm gonna allow to be normalized#no matter the intention behind it#you do not type a comment like this knowing it wil be send to an author#who will get an email notification about a comment#click on it and go oooo long comment :D and then go oh.#you don’t do that it’s rude it’s being a jerk#I’ve been here for like 3 almost 4 years I feel ancient in this fandom sometimes#and I’ve gotten so much feedback on my work through that time and so many nice comments and community#but mean comments can really hurt especially new writers#and they can make people who maybe would write fic for a fandom decide to not#like this isn’t even that mean I can almost see the writer just wanting to say how they feel#but sometimes you do not have to 🙏#also I just think this understanding of the characterizations in the fic and probably their understanding of the characters in the films#is a wee bit trash but that’s for me to say in the long tags of my own blog post and not for me to comment on their fics for the fandom#(they don’t have any but I did check because 3am kit felt nosy)
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skrunksthatwunk · 8 months ago
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KUWAMESHI SKETCH DUMP KUWAMESHI SKETCH DUMP in which they are little shits who cannot stop messing with each other
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also obv zoom in to see everything bc this shit is CRAMPED. but it's all neat i prommy
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bacchuschucklefuck · 8 months ago
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love thinking kipperlilly spends her afterlife looking for lucy in a familiar forest
#not art#fhjy#fhjy spoilers#like. does she have a mean of knowing lucy and yolanda got sent to cassandra's domain to hang out for a bit#kipperlilly's isolation means so much to me. she is punished for everything she's done she just doesn't pick up on it#until the moment she dies! one more funky thing that mirrors riz in which he's actively tried to cultivate a community and denied it#until the bad kids. while kipperlilly does not want or care about a community she just wants someone who validates her#but she does Need a community so she latches onto the person she lets closer to her to fulfill her emotional needs#she took the ritual willingly so this might genuinely be her first death. probably terrifying#probably not even enough bandwidth to feel mortified. maybe immediately seeking something comforting out of instinct alone#lmao honestly thinking too much abt fantasy high afterlifes gives me a headache And a visceral fear#Im not religious but I grew up in a culture with a dominantly buddhist/taoist cosmology its Scary that u just go to A Place after u die!!#and then ur still urself!!! thats scary to me what do u mean u stay like that forever. thats fucked#but yeah I think this influences how I see kipperlilly turn out a little bit. in a sense I think of her as being a ghost now#yknow. trying to solve something from life so she can move on and. stop living this life etc#man the reveal that lucy took being killed pretty seriously and is like yeah the others are decent and even sweet#and probably was just trying to hold her party together and do what she thinks is moral by hearing kipperlilly out#lol lmao etc. gods I gotta wonder how kipperlilly's mindset handled jawbones' help#it really is damn tragic tho. I stand by what I said folks like this will complain and be nasty to be around#but they dont have enough desire to inconvenience themselves to off the bat do something abt what they find unfair or whatever#its when theyre handed the seemingly very easy means to be right that they'll start being dangerous#its horribly tragic that the supposed metaplayer and the self-perceived mastermind turned out to ultimately be just an useful idiot#yknow what. I think personally in my heart kipperlilly moves on from her afterlife the moment she says sorry#doesnt even have to be to lucy but that's probably gonna be who received it#ah.... teenage rebellion. teenage gamejacking
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vaguely-concerned · 2 months ago
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I don't know what I love more, the fact that as rook you can make a statement in NO uncertain terms that you are NOT responsible one way or the other for the theological implications of the shit you're discovering in the 'regrets of the dread wolf' memories. not my jurisdiction. quite simply none of my business. not my chantry circus not my chantry monkeys. irrelevant to the matter at hand here we'll kill that god if we get to him he can get in line. or if the best thing about it is seeing the lone little 'lucanis approves' that pops up right after choosing it. corvid with a knife about to commit deicide keeping it real and sensibly, pragmatically, wilfully agnostic with me here in this magical lighthouse today
#we do not see it. we cannot read all of a sudden.#rye having war flashbacks to watcher conferences and firmly going 'we are *not* getting derailed by the metaphysics here folks'#rare stern moderator/dad hat moment from ingellvar lol. he's Seen Some Shit in his time (debates that raged over the multiple#and not always concurrent life times of the participants involved. ain't no academic rivalry like watcher academic rivalry#because watcher academic rivalry doesn't stop even when everyone involved is dead. and the rest of us have to live with it)#I. do not think the way I'm getting this quest is how it's meant to be experienced so I'm a bit at a loss as to how to pace it out#I've been an annoying little completionist so I have ALL the statues and could just marathon it out#but that does not feel like the best way for the story and upcoming reveals to work. hm. how to do this#I'm supposed to go fail to save weisshaupt right around now I can't be having study group with all of you rn as much of a delight as it is#rye is nominally an andrastian as mainstream nevarrans generally are but as I gather is the case with many of the watchers#what he *actually* believes in is the grand necropolis itself haha#(and the philosophy of history memory death and relationship (as well as responsibility) between the past and the present#and indeed the future that it represents. we have a duty. to what has been to what is and to what will come after us. good shit)#the nevarran/mortalitasi element just makes their lack of care or respect for chantry orthodoxy *mwha* that extra bit special#the nevarran lack of concern bordering on quiet condescending disdain for official chantry doctrine and policy my beloved#dragon age#dragon age: the veilguard#dragon age: the veilguard spoilers#dragon age spoilers#poor harding really is living through the most relentless 'if this is the maker testing my faith he sure be testing me' gauntlet of all tim#good news: god might be real! bad news: god might not even be a real thing but more like a magical accident or vibration or something#honestly tho. if we could get full lovecraftian incomprehensible to human conception the maker -- He is a particle and a wave style --#that's the only way I'd be cool with him or them actually answering the question of his existence. that'd be kind of sick#'yes. but no. but maybe. depends on how you define god. and exist. and he. and does.' *ingellvar sets of the METAPHYSICS!! klaxon#that's a time out folks good game but easy on the jargon and navel-gazing definition of terms next round#rye and lucanis have some slightly differing views about at what exact stage of a problem murder becomes a valid solution#('well you just kill them and then I'm the one who has to deal with the next much longer part')#but they're surprisingly kind of vibing on a lot of other stuff lol. good for them <3#oc: Ellaryen Ingellvar
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