#like anything over 10% volume is super loud

[canon-gabriel-quotes]

Transcript:

I'd like to congratulate you on getting your CPR certification.

Now remember, when you’re going in for compressions, it should sound like somebody is standing behind you with the worlds largest Dorito and cracking it open!

Go in firm and hard and snap as many ribs as you can on the way down, that means you’re doing it right.

You save that life. Good luck.

Or... Or... Or kill them, I don’t fucking care.

Audio source

[anisangeldust]

Coriolanus Snow NSFW alphabet

A/N: did one for Ani a bit ago!

Because Coriolanus is the way he is, I’m doing this all based on the idea that he genuinely loves you.

Fem!reader x young!Coriolanus

A = Aftercare: Coriolanus would definitely have to learn about the importance of aftercare. I feel like he’d only understand after a few months of being sexually active. But after that it’s 10/10.

B = Body part: his favorite body part on himself is his hands. The way he can make you feel good, the power and strength they posses, and how objectively beautiful they are. On a partner would definitely be hips. He loves to grab, squeeze, and pinch your hips.

C = Cum: Coriolanus LOVES cumming on you until you’re akin to a glazed donut. He loves the way it marks you, almost like he’s claiming his territory. But when he wants kids, it’s creampie after creampie for you!

D = Dirty secret: He’s definitely very subby sometimes, and it takes him a very long time to admit that he loves not being in control all the time.

E = Experience: Academy Coryo was a cum in his pants if you touched him virgin, but anything PK on he’s very experienced.

F = Favorite position: 100% piledriver. He’s obsessed with how deep and hard he can go. But I also think doggy and riding him are other faves.

G = Goofy: Coriolanus Snow isn’t goofy. He’d be as serious as they come during sex.

H = Hair: He strikes me as the kind of guy who is completely shaved. Like no hair at all down there. And (don’t hate me) he’d expect the same from you, I lwk think he’d think pubic hair is gross.

I = Intimacy: With sex in general he used to be very robotic, just get off and go. But once he met you he’s so obsessed with your pleasure that he treats you like a princess while fucking you like a slut.

J = Jack off: once again, Academy Coryo was best friends with his right hand, but anything PK after he sees no use. He can always find someone to fuck. And after you two start he can’t get off if it’s not you doing something.

K = Kink: President Snow is into ddlg. I said what I said. Also I think bondage/ any kind of sensory stimulation or play is up his alley.

L = Location: (President Snow) He loves the bed most of the time; if it ain’t broke don’t fix it, but he also adores bending you over his desk randomly.

M = Motivation: Anything to do with you is a turn on, because you two go at it so often, he thinks about you all the time. And anything associated with you makes him want you.

N = No: I know lots of people love Snowjanus x reader, but I can’t imagine Coriolanus ever sharing you. He’s obsessively possessive, and he’d rather shoot himself in the face than have someone else pleasure you.

O = Oral: I don’t think he’s as much of a munch as people say he is. He’s 100% prefers receiving, but he also definitely gets off on you getting off; so he’s really good at eating pussy.

P = Pace: Listen, if he really wanted to, he’d be slow and loving. But 99.9% of the time he’s fast and rough, he fucks you until you can’t feel your waist and down.

Q = Quickie: I feel the same I do for Anakin. He’ll do it if he really needs you or you really need him, but he prefers taking his time and getting into it.

R = Risk: He’s 100% into anything you put on the table. Coryo is a freaky mf. I think maybe all except President Coriolanus would be done for exhibition.

S = Stamina: Coryo’s stamina is crazy. He goes until he feels satisfied. So if that means it’s hours upon hours, too bad.

T = Toys: At first he’d hate toys. Why would he let silicone do what he can do? But after a bit and some learning, he starts to understand the benefits. I think he’d own a butt plus for each of you, and a multitude of vibes and dildos.

U = Unfair: Oh he’s so unfair. His favorite punishment is to get you super close to the edge, and then make you wear a chastity belt while you watch him get off. (Escp President Snow)

V = Volume: I don’t think he’s super super loud, just grunts and groans. Maybe the occasional mewl or whimper.

W = Wild card: Anal. You, him, doesn’t matter. He loves being on the giving and receiving end of anal.

X = X-ray: He’s definitely packing. Maybe 7-8 inches? He’s definitely not super girthy, but he’s longgg.

Y = Yearning: Coryo could go all day if he wanted, he has the stamina of a teenage boy who snorted viagra. So anything about you makes him hard and needy.

Z = Zzz: he’s out like a light. He cuddles into your boobs and he’s a goner, lord help him if you play with his hair.

[raccoonsandrangoons]

Rick Grimes NSFW Alphabet

Just a little something I whipped up for a friend ✨💛

✨ pairing: Rick Grimes x Reader

✨ warnings: NSFW (smut)

✨ A/N: honestly for a Daryl girlie myself, it was a lot easier to write HCs for Rick 🤣

A - Aftercare

A King. He’s 100% for a cuddle. He’s like a baby; he needs skin to skin, even if it’s just holding your hand

B - Body (his favorite part)

Ass. He’s all about that ass. He’s gonna say he loves all parts of you (and it’s true), but he’s got a weakness for your ass. He can’t help but stare as you’re walking away.

C - Cum (anything to do with cum)

He knows that protection is a rare commodity in these times. If he could finish inside, best believe he’s going to, but he doesn’t not like the look of you covered in his cum.

D - Dirty Little Secret (what’s he hiding 🤭)

He doesn’t have any dirty secrets, but he does keep his feelings for you suppressed as long as possible, especially if you’re significantly younger than him

E - Experience

He’s a fairly experienced guy. Kinda. He’s not a virgin by any means, he’s got kids. But he’s only been with 2-3 people at most.

F - Favorite Position

Classic missionary bby. He wants to see your face.

G - Goofy?

He’s fairly serious, but if something funny happens, like you slip while trying to switch positions, he’ll let out a little giggle.

H - Hair

It’s the apocalypse. How do you think grooming goes? Once he’s in the Alexandria safe haven, he’ll keep himself trimmed up. As for you, he doesn’t care at all. It’s your body and it’s whatever you say.

I - Intimacy

He is very sweet and intimate. He loves showering together. It’s his favorite form of intimacy, whether it leads to sex or not. He loves when you wash his back, and he loves when washing your hair and giving you a nice scalp massage.

J - Jorkin’ It

For stress relief, and definitely before y’all get together. But once you’re together, he’d rather just go straight to you

K - Kinks

He’s a fairly vanilla guy, but he’s not opposed to spanking, roughhousing a little. Maybe you can convince him to role play a little in his uniform.

L - Location

He prefers at home. He’s not a risky man as it is and he doesn’t want to risk being caught. It’s motivated by respect for you.

M - Motivations (turn ons)

Anything you do. He throws his all into everything and he is all about you.

N - NOs

Nothing that can put you in danger. Nothing restraining for either of you

O - Oral

Giving and receiving. He loves it. He’s all for it. He always says “baby you don’t have to”, when you get on your knees but you both know he wants it and he is more than happy to reciprocate.

P — Pace

Soft, slow, and sensual. He comes from a place of love and respect, and he’s going to take his time with you.

Q — Quickies?

If he has to. In the beginning, maybe that’s all you had.

In Alexandria, if you get enough in him to drink at a party, rile him up enough, he’ll pull you into a corner for a make out session and then tell you to meet him at home in 10 minutes.

R — Risky?

Nope. He’s not risky at all. He’s pulling out. He’s making sure no one is around.

S — Stamina

He can go a few rounds, for sure. But he is climbing in age, so

T — Toys

Hard to come by in the apocalypse, but in a situation where it’s available, he sees your toys as his teammates.

U — Unfair

He can be a bit of a tease when you start developing a more domestic relationship. A slide of his hand down your back, a quick squeeze of your ass (he can’t help it).

V — Volume

He’s not super loud, but he’s vocal. A lot of “That’s it”, “feels so good”; etc.

W — Wildcard (dealer’s choice hc)

I think he’s jealous. He knows you’re a helpful person and he knows others are drawn to you. He can’t help but feel a little jealous. And boy does he love when you get jealous. He loves being able to tease you when you’re jealous.

X — X-ray

He’s packing. Nothing extraordinary, but you’ll giggle with the girls over tea, as respectfully as possible. He is shy, ya know.

Y — Yearning

He’s a yearning man. He’s not a desperate type of needy, but he will tug at your clothes as he holds you from behind and whisper “need you”

Z — ZZZ

He definitely wants to sleep after, which is why he doesn’t really like doing it anywhere but home.

[gunnerfc]

Alexia Putellas NSFW Alphabet (18+, minors DNI!)

AN: I don’t particularly like the prompts for letters H and X, so going forward, I’ll be skipping those! :)

A: Aftercare

Alexia will run a bath after sex for you both to help relax and calm down. If you need something, chances are she already knew what you needed and had it ready beforehand

B: Body Part (their favorite body part of themselves and their partner)

Her favorite body part of herself is her hands, she loves how much pleasure she can bring you with small touches

Her favorite body part on you is your neck, Alexia loves wrapping her hand around your neck when she’s fucking you no matter what the position is

C: Cum (anything to do with cum)

Loves when you cum on her face or her fingers so she can taste you (especially while making eye contact with you as she does it)

D: Dirty Secret

Alexia isn’t opposed to having a sex tape, as long as there is no way for it to get out

E: Experience (Are they experienced? Do they know what they are doing?)

She is experienced and definitely knows what she is doing. She knows how to read what her partner likes and doesn’t like very well

F: Favorite Position

Having you bent over something while she fucks you from behind

G: Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous?)

Alexia is very serious in the moment, her focus is 100% on you and you only

I: Intimacy (How intimate are they during the moment?)

Her intimacy is here and there. She’ll be intimate regardless but if it’s your birthday, your anniversary, or some other special occasion, she’ll be more intimate

J: Jack off (Masturbation HC)

Doesn’t care if you do it because she knows you can’t pleasure yourself the way she can

If you guys are separated, Alexia will have you touch yourself while on the phone with her and that is something very attractive to her

K: Kink (One or more of their kinks)

She won’t actually tell you but hearing you call her ‘captain’ or any other title relating to captain is hot to her

Doesn’t mind blindfolds

L: Location (Favorite place to have sex)

Your house or whatever hotel you are in during away games for Barça

M: Motivation (What turns them on?)

If you don’t speak Spanish often, hearing you speak it drives her crazy

Seeing you after a game or practice where you played very well turns her on as well

N: No (Something they wouldn't do)

She doesn’t like the idea of being caught so she wouldn’t want to do anything super public or where a teammate could walk in

O: Oral (Preference on giving or receiving)

Alexia loves giving, if you would let her and she had the time, she would never leave from between your legs

She also loves receiving, you know her body well and know exactly how to make her cum

P: Pace (Fast & Rough? Slow & Sensual?)

9 times out of 10, Alexia is fast and rough but there are some occasions where it’s slower. Times like were you both are tired or it is one of those special occasions mentioned in the letter “I”

Q: Quickie (Thoughts on quickies)

She doesn’t really like them because she likes being able to take her time but she’s also not going to turn down the chance to have sex with you

R: Risk (Are they open to experimenting)

She is if you are. Alexia has some things she’d like to try but only if you are open to the same ideas

S: Stamina (How many rounds)

You both can last for many rounds

T: Toys

Her favorite is the double ended strap on that you use all the time

U: Unfair (Do they like the tease)

Alexia is the biggest tease ever. She loves hearing you whine and beg for her to touch you or let you cum

V: Volume (How loud are they? What sounds do they make)

She isn’t the loudest most of the time but there have been times when you’ve been pleasuring her that she’s moaned louder than normal

W: Wild Card (Random HC)

Loves fucking you while you wear her jersey, especially if she’s fucking you from behind and all she can see is you with “Putellas” on your back while screaming her name

Y: Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

Pretty high, she loves being intimate with you some way and if she could, she would do it 24/7

Z: ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterward)

Even if she had a busy day, she’ll still be up for a bit after sex

[shinestarhwaa]

SAN NSFW ALPHABET

A - Aftercare (how is he after sex)

San is super sweet and gentle to his lover after sex, he'll ask a thousand times if they need anything and hold them in his big, strong arms.

B- Bodypart (his favourite bodypart on you)

I think we all know it can only be one thing and that is the 🍑. San loves your ass, and will touch it the entire day long, sexually or just out of love (or if he wants to be annoying).

C - Cum (anything to do with cum)

Sannie loves to cum inside you and breed you like the good pet that you are-

D - Dirty secret (his dirty secret)

He loves your ass and wants to fuck it (even if he knows you won't let him, he'll still think about it cuz he be obsessed)

E - Experience (how experienced is he?)

I think San has some experience. I don't know if his bodycount is necissarily high but with the ones he did have sex with he's done a lot with soooo

F - Favourite position

Doggy style/reverse cowgirl🍑

G - Goofy (how he acts in the moment?)

This depends on the mood cuz he can be a little silly sometimes but more often than not he's serious about sexytime.

H - Hair (how groomed is he?)

He's either completely bare or he trims it for you. I cannot decide.

I - Intimacy (how passionate is he?)

San is super intimate, even if it's not about sex. He's very loving and will initiate gentle touches, naked cuddling, bathing together etc.

J - Jack off (how often does he masturbate?)

Bit more than average? 4/5 times a week? 6? 7? I don't know, it might depend on how his mood is but I think he's fairly horny most of the time lmao and he might go twice in a row-

K - Kink

San loves spanking, he wants his hands on you all the time but he won't mind a spanking if he's subby himself either👀

L - Location (what's his favourite place to have sex?)

The bedroom allows him to be most comfortable so probably that but he enjoys fooling around in the shower a lot.

M - Motivation (what keeps him going?)

Nothing's as good as the feeling of you getting more aroused.

N - NO (what is a no-go for him/turn-offs?)

He will NOT have sex with his family in the house. His family is holy and he will not stand the chance he'd get caught.

O - Oral (giving or receiving, skill etc.)

He's fairly skilled in oral and loves to give but I would say it's 50/50 because he wants his mouth on himself everyday.

P - Pace (fast and rough? slow and sensual?)

He's usually more on the fast and rough side, he'll grope you everywhere to hold you in place and ruin you.

Q - Quickie (their opinion on quickies)

He's more a fan of long sessions but once in a while he doesn't mind it.

R - Risk (experiments, taking risks etc.)

Is a bit shy about trying new things so you might have to lead a little in that, but he's open minded.

S - Stamina (how long does he last?)

Lasts quite long, at least 3 rounds I'd say. Even if he gets tired he'll still wanna prove his strength to you.

T - Toys (do they own toys? does he use them with his partner or himself?)

I think he's the type to use toys on himself rather than on his partner (but he would occasionally! He just prefers to do the work himself). He might own a fleshlight or a dildo/vibrator if he is into that

U - Unfair (how much do they like to tease?)

He's a tease but he cannot last long. He gives in too easily.

V - Volume (how loud are they? what sounds do they make?)

Okay no cuz San can get pretty loud. Be it dirty talk or moans, groans, grunts and all the other animalistic noises escaping his mouth.

W - Wild Card (random headcanon)

San has you naked over his lap as he orders you to count the slaps he's giving your ass. It's slowly turning red and it's starting to hurt but the vibrator inside you and the willpower to make Sanie proud of you gets you going. "That's it baby? Number 10 already, aren't you such a good pet for me?"

X - X-Ray (what's going on in them pants?)

He's average to a bit bigger than average (I can't decide but this is based on a set of pics I've seen of him not wearing underwear under his sweats lol) but he's definitely thick and girthy.

Y - Yearning (how high is their sexdrive?)

Honestly, he probably has the highest sexdrive out of all the members. Even in regular videos or videos from tour theres a hint of sexual tension or arousal.

Z - ZZZ (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards?)

If he's done multiple rounds he'll fall asleep quite fast but he'll make sure that you're okay first, even if he's already half asleep.

Taglist: @anyamaris @a-soft-hornytiny @whatudowhennooneseesyou @wooyoungmybelovedhusband @pyeonghongrie-main @woosanbby @dreamlesswonder86 @changbinslovelylegs @jonghostie @lovjensoo @1-800-shedevil @mjyungi @bratty-tingz @sugarnspice630

[eepwriting]

II NSFW Alphabet

Warnings: all of it…

!! mdni !!

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✶ A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex.)

➮ II is the king of aftercare. Cleans you up, runs you a bath if that’s your sort of thing. Will bring you a drink and rub your back as you fall asleep.

✶ B = Body Part (Favorite of theirs, favorite of yours.)

➮ He loves his arms. Being a drummer, he’s constantly using his arms for long periods of time and he loves the way they look and feel.

➮ He loves your hips. Hands always on them, squeezing them, massaging circles into them.

✶ C = Cum (Anything to do with cum.)

➮ He likes to cum on your stomach or chest. Just likes seeing you painted with him.

✶ D = Dirty Secret (Self Explanatory?)

➮ He likes taking pictures of you without you knowing. The two of you obviously talked about this before hand but you don’t know exactly when he’s taking these photos. He’s the only one who sees them.

✶ E = Experience (How experienced are they?)

➮ He’s somewhat experienced. You might have to teach him a few things but he learns quickly.

✶ F = Favorite Position

➮ You on top. He likes to look up at you, gripping your hips as he thrusts up into you.

✶ G = Goofy (Are they serious or fun and playful?)

➮ He’s pretty serious, his goal purely set on making you feel good.

✶ H = Hair (How well groomed are they?)

➮ He’s all natural baby.

✶ I = Intimacy (How intimate are they?)

➮ As stated before, he’s purely focused on you most of the time. If he’s not caressing your face while slowly thrusting into you, he’s whispering how much he loves and appreciates you.

✶ J = Jerking Off

➮ He likes sending you videos and pictures of his hand wrapped around himself. Loves it even more if you send something back.

✶ K = Kinks

➮ He wants to be tied up sometimes.

✶ L = Location (Their favorite place to do the do.)

➮ He likes doing it on couches.

➮ With him loving you on top, it’s the easiest place. His feet planted on the ground, his back up against the cushions.

✶ M = Motivation (What turns them on?)

➮ If you sit on his lap or throw your legs over him, he’s done for.

✶ N = No (Something they would never do.)

➮ No shit. No piss.

✶ O = Oral (Preference on giving and receiving.)

➮ He’s obviously very appreciative if you want to give him head but he never expects it.

➮ He, on the other hand will spend many hours between your legs. Whether it’s actually pleasuring you or teasing your thighs and hips, he throughly enjoys his time down there.

✶ P = Pace (Are they rough and fast or slow and gentle?)

➮ He’s a slow lover but if you want to switch up the pace, he’s more than willing to get rough with you.

✶ Q = Quickie

➮ Although he does love taking his time, he also enjoys quickies. The thought of getting caught really gets him going.

✶ R = Risk (Do they experiment?)

➮ Because he doesn’t have a ton of experience, he’s hesitant to try new things but eventually finds what he likes and dislikes. Hence the bondage kink.

✶ S = Stamina (How long do they last?)

➮ An average amount of time, but is quick to arouse again. Meaning multiple orgasms for the both of you.

✶ T = Toys (Do they use them? On you or themselves?)

➮ He has one fleshlight that you semi-jokingly gifted him for when he’s away. He uses it sometimes and will always send you pics of him fucking it.

✶ U = Unfair (How much do they tease you?)

➮ He loves teasing. It prolongs the whole thing for both of you.

➮ Kissing and nipping on your hips and thighs for 10 straight minutes before going down on you. Sliding just his tip in multiple times before thrusting into you fully.

✶ V = Volume (How loud are they?)

➮ He’s not super loud but does often let out very pretty moans.

✶ W = Wild Card (Random head cannon.)

➮ He can’t have sex without music playing. He can’t explain it, only that he can’t.

✶ X = X-Ray (What will we find under their clothes?)

➮ Lotssssss of tattoos.

✶ Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

➮ Relatively high. He’s not constantly thinking about sex but once he gets going, you’re in for a long night.

✶ Z = Zzz (How quickly do they fall asleep after?)

➮ He won’t sleep until you sleep. Your head on his chest, him caressing your head and back. He’ll stare up at the ceiling and wait until your breaths are even and heavy.

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I’m stuck at work so I’m writing all these hehe

If you wanna see anything specific, just request!

K. Bye bye.

[evenmorebeetles]

I come bearing Team 7 road trip headcanons

(very american road trip because that's what I'm familiar with)

Naruto calls shotgun, but that doesn't even last long enough for them to get on the highway before Kakashi sentences him to the back seat because he put his feet up on the dash and tried to steal the aux cord for his Super Awesome Road Trip Playlist

Sasuke tries to claim shotgun for himself afterwards but Kakashi declares that the front seat is now off limits.  Call it a bonding exercise

Whoever sits next to Naruto is inevitably going to smack him at some point and while Sakura hits harder than Sasuke, she's more patient than him, so she's in the middle with Sasuke behind Kakashi and Naruto behind the passenger seat so that he can kick the back of it without causing an accident or a murder

No one ever actually sees him take it off somehow but every 45 minutes someone has to yell at Naruto to put his seatbelt back on.

Naruto wants to play a road trip game, which Sakura thinks is a novel and fantastic idea.  She makes puppy eyes at Sasuke until he agrees to play.  It actually goes well until Sasuke starts cheating during I Spy by describing billboards that passed them in half a second.  Naruto and Sasuke bicker over whether this is actually cheating or not, and Sakura takes Naruto's side, much to Sasuke's indignation and Naruto's excited woops.  They get so loud that Kakashi threatens to start playing educational podcasts at max volume if they don't shut up

Sasuke puts his headphones in and you'd think he's listening to some punk alt emo rock album but nope he's got on a mixtape playlist Sakura and Naruto made him for his birthday

He leans his head on the window but the road is too bumpy for it to be comfortable.  Naruto notices and offers Sasuke his hoodie to put between his head and the glass, and Sasuke grumbles but ultimately accepts it if only so he can stop having a conversation that involves his friends being kind to him

Sakura tries to read but eventually gets too car sick and falls asleep with her head on Sasuke's shoulder

Naruto pulls out a handheld game and is careful to turn the volume all the way down so he doesn't wake Sakura up

Kakashi puts on a forest ambiance soundtrack instead of music, and Naruto is very confused.  He doesn't know that due to them being in the middle of nowhere, Kakashi can't get any service, leaving him only with the things he has pre-downloaded to his phone.  These are limited to forest ambiance and every Icha Icha novel on audiobook

Sakura does eventually wake up to go into a rest stop with Kakashi while Naruto and Sasuke wait in the car because they didn't feel like putting their shoes back on.  She comes back with each of their favorite snacks

Naruto has to use the bathroom 10 miles after leaving the rest stop

Everyone newly recharged with sugar, they agree on another road trip game where they have to find words starting with each sequential letter of the alphabet (chosen for its collaborative and therefore cheat proof nature)

They absolutely do the COWS thing whenever they pass a field

Sakura finally smacks Naruto upside the head when she catches him without his seatbelt on for the seventh time

Kakashi imposes a tax where he's owed a bit of snack every time someone asks if they're close or how much longer

Naruto and Sakura end up sharing a blanket (Sasuke isn't cold due to his recently acquired hoodie)

Naruto and Sasuke compete to see who can put more stickers on Sakura without her noticing.  When they get caught, Sasuke claims to have no knowledge of the game at all, and sure, Naruto never saw Sasuke put anything on Sakura, but he knows for a fact that not all those stickers were from him

Sai, who has been in the third row of seats the entire time unbeknownst to everyone else in the car, is very pleased with himself for winning

[7grandmel]

Todays rip: 07/05/2024

Rooftop Bop

Season 4 Episode 1 Featured on: SiIvaGunner's Highest Quality Rips: Volume AI

Ripped by Mitchell

Requested by InitialDDD! (Request Form)

Man, Scatman John...what an interesting relation he has to the internet, huh? For whatever reason back in the early days of YouTube, his titular hit song Scatman became really prevalent to use in amateur comedy videos, most notably with the "Super Mario 64 Bloopers!"-genre of video. These are actually videos that I have memory of watching - people just playing around in their childhood 3D game and making up their own little stories and sketches to the tune of silly music. But Scatman, and its less-viral sibling Scatman's World, are more than just nonsense, there's an emotion to John's two legendary songs, a distillation of raw nostalgia - one that the internet suddenly rediscovered back in 2019, and one that SiIvaGunner itself celebrated in bursts throughout the whole year, with Rooftop Bop being an absolute standout example.

Like with most memes, its hard to really trace down a logistical reason for their upbringing - check any KnowYourMeme page, and its bound to just say something along the lines of "on this date, this video/image was posted, and gained tons of attention". The Scatman-posting of 2019 was a pretty interesting case on top of that - the "AWESOME - HE FINALLY" memes that initiated it all were like a big mishmash of memes old and new. Part of the joke was in using nostalgic pieces from the old internet, the music and the "black border" template, over clips from Vine or elsewhere edited to have a positive, borderline innocent outcome, as if to intentionally turn the "Loud equals funny" format that so much of Vine fell under on its head. It's like three layers deep into irony, to where it loops around into finding sincere happiness funny - but it is genuinely still just a really good bit, the perfect kind of stupid comedy that's at once unexpected yet also brings its audience together over the nostalgia it evokes - nostalgia for two different eras of the internet, even! Despite being so core to the old internet days, Scatman wasn't very prominent on the Unregistered Hypercam 2 takeover of 2018, taking a backseat to other internet anthems like Never Gonna Give You Up in Never Gonna Give Up Mahjong and Dreamscape in How 2 Do Anything. But, as if it was fated to be, just a few months later in 2019 Scatman John would once again be made relevant - and the SiIva team was right on top of things.

A lot of Scatman John's prominence on SiIva in 2019 was, of course, on the legendary Not Funny Didn't Laugh day - on the 10th of September (whats 9 plus 10?), a series of shitposts intentionally drenched in as much irony as possible were featured on the channel, the depths of which I explored back in Sex - Steve Harvey. But beyond giving us all brain damage, the event was like a huge shot in the arm for Scatman Stocks - and just two weeks later, we would receive perhaps the best Scatman rip yet. The guy had been lurking as a meme on SiIva before, notably being in some Season 1 rips here and there - and so his return on Not Funny Didn't Laugh day felt like just one more piece of internet history to be nostalgic for. Early YouTube, Vine, and the very first months of SiIvaGunner - all rolled into two songs filled with such whimsy, yet also filled with pure emotion. Now: Does that ring a bell to anyone else?

I feel like Rooftop Bop is the definition of a "more than the sum of its parts" rip, if that makes any sense. It's an excellent melody swap/mashup no doubt, the kind that almost makes you wonder how it was even done with how authentic the violin's lead melody sounds, and the chorus returning to the original Rooftop Run: Act 1 theme with Scatman John's vocals hits oh-so-hard - its an amazingly paced out rip throughout, ping-ponging between melody swap, mashup and both at once throughout - but like I said, the rip is so much more than all of that. It feels almost like a universal experience (at least, for my generation) to have an attachment to Scatman John - but more than that, we all have an attachment to the very thing his two hits represented. Because his balance of silliness and genuine heartfelt emotion is the exact thing that made SiIvaGunner so special all the way back in Season 1, the kind of balance that has made us all smile, laugh, empathize and outright cry, althewhile never losing its core of pure whimsy. Be it The Paragoomba and the Wiggler, Aphex, Planet Wisp Mashup Medley, Turnabout Fishters, or indeed Rooftop Bop - SiIvaGunner, very much like Scatman John, has gotten so many emotions out of us, and made us all too attached to an entity others may consider naught but a silly gimmick.

It's a fantastic listen - but more than that, it's an incredible experience. The latter half of Season 4 Episode 1 of SiIvaGunner was perhaps the most exciting period to ever follow the channel during, and Rooftop Bop's unprecedented ability to unite us all through a raw dosage of nostalgic memories couldn't have come at a better time.

[aidensteddybear]

also can i req regressor tom with cg jake hcs ?? (sorry, i couldnt decide because i hc them both as flips :pp)

Regressor! Tom w/ Caregiver! Jake Headcanons

•Jake never gets any sort of quiet time when Tom’s little. Little Tom is extremely loud, talkative, and noisy, all of which Jake doesn’t mind and actually encourages.

•Jake rarely ever lets Tom out of his sight, especially when he’s in a teeny tiny headspace.

•Tom loves making messes and getting into stuff he isn’t supposed to. There was a specific incident that happened and is now the main reason why Jake never really leaves Tom alone.

•Jake had left Tom, who was regressed to the age of one, alone in the bedroom for a few minutes so he could go get a bottle ready for him.

•Tom had crawled off the bed and explored the room a bit, before he came across a thing of baby powder that Jake had accidentally left on the dresser.

•Needless to say, Jake was in complete shock when he walked into the bedroom and saw baby powder everywhere. It was mainly on Tom, who was an absolute giggling mess. He thought it was hilarious, while Jake had the exact opposite reaction.

•Toddler Tom loves taking Jake’s phone from him and watching videos made for babies. Jake wouldn’t really mind this, but Tom always has the volume up super loud and refuses to turn it down.

•Whenever Tom’s in babyspace, he will bite Jake’s hand or fingers. Jake doesn’t get mad at or anything, but he will tell him “No” and redirect him by giving him a teether or pacifier.

•Jake calls Tom “Tommy” sometimes. Jake also calls Tom by his actual name, “Thomas”, but he only does that when Tom’s not listening or he needs to immediately get his attention.

•There are rare times where Tom gets extremely upset over his scars and will sob to Jake about it. Jake always feels absolutely horrible for him when this happens and does his very best to comfort and make him feel better.

•Tom’s favorite shows to watch when small are “Spongebob” and “Paw Patrol”. He will force Jake to watch those shows for hours on end.

•One of Jake’s favorite activities to do with Tom is baking. He absolutely loves teaching and showing Tom how to bake.

•Tom loves baking with Jake as well. He loves the quality time and he also really likes to snack on the ingredients.

•Jake’s not very strict about a lot of things, except when it comes to putting Tom down for a nap or for the night.

•When Tom gets tired, he becomes extremely upset and irritated. He’s the type that absolutely does need a certain time of day for his nap and going to bed.

•It really depends on what age he’s at, if he’s at a younger age the time is earlier, if he’s at an older age the time is later. But Tom’s normal time for a nap, that Jake decided for him, is around 12:30-1:00 pm. His bedtime, which Jake also decided for him, is around 9:00-10:00pm.

•Jake will let Tom stay up later sometimes. That really only happens if he’s been rewarded a later bedtime and he’s at an older age, anywhere between 6-8, where Jake knows he can handle his emotions and sleepiness better.

•Tom is incredibly playful, which sometimes causes him to become too aggressive when playing, mainly when he’s at a younger age.

•When Tom gets really excited while playing with Jake, he tends to be a little too rough, especially if the two are playing outside.

•There have definitely been times where they’ve played Tag, and when Tom was It, he tackled Jake to the ground to tag him.

•Jake’s not the biggest fan when he does this, but he never gets mad at him for it. More often than not, Tom’s mentally at the age of a toddler when he does this. He often forgets that he’s taller and stronger than Jake.

•Jake simply just tells him to not do it again, which Tom does do his best to listen, but he normally does need to be told stuff multiple times before he can comprehend it.

[dun9eons]

a/n: NSFW alphabet for the danganronpa girls day 2 / sayaka i love sayaka omg

my carrd if u wnna know more abt me > dun9eons.carrd

-

summary: nsfw alphabet head canons for sayaka maizono

CW (18+): kinks, fav position(s), mentions of toys, wlw, heavily implied bottom s/o, overall nsfw/smut, mdni

words: 0.5k

Sayaka Maizono - NSFW Alphabet

A = Aftercare (what they're like after sex) Super duper caring, loves to kiss and rub your stomach

B = Body part (their favorite body part of their partner's) She loves your breasts, she likes playing with them like stress toys

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically) Shes the type to lick it up honestly

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs) She likes phone sex with you during work

E = Experience (how experienced are they?) Definitely knows what she's doing, shes got good intuition to know what you like

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying) Missionary, Cowgirl

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment?) Both honestly, likes to tease about you begging for her

H = Hair (how well groomed are they?) Well trimmed ^^

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment?) Romantic, with a bit of roughness to it

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon) Like with Kyoko, she usually does it when shes feeling alone at work

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks) Body worship or Bondage, probably likes to hand cuff you with the ones with pink fluff or something 😭

L = Location (favorite places to do the do) Back stage (After or Before performance) and in the bedroom

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going) Cuddling and alot kisses, to the point it gets passionate

N = No (something they wouldn't do, turn offs) Doesnt like anything to do with harm (e.g spanking or knife play)

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.) Loves to give, will make a fuss if you ask to give 😭

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.) A bit of both, loves teasing you, but also loves seeing your eyes roll back

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.) Doesn't do it much (But does it more then Kyoko) As well as she will only do if needed

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks?) More intense then Kyoko, but not anything over the top

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for?) 4 Probably

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them?) Most likely has a pink glittery collection of Strap-ons and vibrators 😭 Also uses them on you

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease) Looooovvess to tease you, also likes edging you aswell

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make) Will loud out heavy breaths and a few soft moans

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character) Secretly into roleplay sex

X = X-ray (let's see what's going on under those clothes) C cup.. Not really sure abt her ass but i'll imagine its big.. 🙁🙁

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?) medium level at most

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards) 10 minutes after cuddling and kissing..

8:04 pm

ill make a masterlist later or tmrw ^^

[comfort-writing]

Crayons and Cassettes

Chapter 10: Music to My Ears (pt. 2)

You are a kindergarten teacher. Eddie’s daughter, Sage, is in your class. Waking up to Eddie is pure bliss.

warnings: making out, fingering, handjobs, morning sex, creampies. 18+ - minors DNI!! no use of y/n. (please let me know if I missed anything)

a/n: I think I have a few more chapters plotted out and I’m feeling a lot better about it. sorry for the super late upload of this chapter. let me know in the comments or my asks if you want to be added to the tag list! requests are open!

word count: 3.4k

Chapter 1 || 2 || 3 || 4 || 5 || 6 || 7 || 8 || 9 || 10 || 11 || 12 || 13 || 14 (coming soon!)

Once the concert was over, you could feel your heartbeat in your ears and you body still vibrated from both the adrenaline coursing through your veins and the loud drums and bass line from the last song. Eddie looked down at you, his hair still in a ponytail but it had become a bit frizzy from dancing around, and beamed. He was so proud that he could take you places like this and you would actually have fun.

He led you out of the venue, holding your hand so you didn’t get lost in the sea of people. Once the two of you got back in the van, the quiet consumed you for a moment, coming down from the high of the concert.

Eddie laid his head back against his headrest and sighed, “You have fun?” He asked quietly, looking your way.

You nodded, “Mmhmm.”

“Good.” He whispered, taking another beat before cranking the ignition.

It was nearing ten o’clock, so he needed to start the drive home if the two of you wanted to be home at any sort of reasonable hour. You closed your eyes as you felt the car pull out of its parking space and onto the road. You were exhausted, but you didn’t want to sleep so Eddie wouldn’t have to sit in silence for two hours.

“Thank you for bringing me along. I think I might be a super fan now.”

“Of course. I bought the tickets for you, you know.” He hummed, “And seeing bands live is always better than just listening to them on the radio.”

“Yeah, I think I can officially agree with that now.” You smiled, opening your eyes and looking at him.

He paused for a moment, then raised an eyebrow, “Was that your first concert?” He asked, a bit shocked.

“First one like that. I mean, I’d been to like, classical concerts and piano recitals of course, and a couple small, basement shows in high school, but that was my first big concert.”

“Really? I thought you would’ve been a total ticket junkie by how much you love music.” He chuckled.

“Nope. Not before, at least. But I think you may have started a new addiction, so thanks for that.”

Eddie laughed quietly, and a comfortable silence fell over the two of you as the stereo of the car pumped out more of the band’s music at a low volume.

The rest of the drive was spent quietly talking about all the cool things about the show and how you’d have to keep an eye out for new shows in the future. It was hard for you not to fall asleep, but you managed to stay awake.

Eddie pulled the van into your driveway, shifting it into park.

“Wanna come in?” You asked, grabbing your purse from his floor.

“Sure.” He smiled. He’d paid the babysitter for the whole night, so he wasn’t against the idea.

You led him into your house and picked up Pencil, who’d run to you as soon as she heard the door unlock, walking in. You kicked off your shoes by the door, your feet aching as you’d felt a blister slowly start to form over the hours. Eddie did the same, not wanting to track dirt or whatever godforsaken crap had gotten on them at the venue into your home.

You walked to your bedroom and flipped onto your bed, Pencil still in your arms. “I’m so tired.” You groaned, closing your eyes as you sunk into your mattress. You heard Eddie chuckle as you felt him sit next to you, reaching a hand over and scratching Pencil’s chin as she lifted her head.

“Me too. I had fun, though.”

“Same here.” You said, looking over at him. He was focused on Pencil, smiling softly as she purred. “You wanna spend the night?” You asked.

He is gaze fell on you, “I really need to shower.”

“Believe it or not, this house is equipped with a nice shower. And it’s got plenty of hot water, thanks to you.” You giggled.

“If you’re okay with it, then yeah, I’d love to.”

You nodded, happy to have him there. “You go shower first. I can make us a little late dinner.” He said, kissing your head softly as he got up to go to your kitchen.

You pushed Pencil off of your chest gently and got up, trudging to your bathroom. You cranked on the hot water, stripping off your clothes and stepping in once it was hot enough. You rinsed all the sweat off and quickly lathered and rinsed, not wanting to take too long. You finished up and toweled off, wrapping one around your hair and getting in your favorite pajamas, which was an oversized shirt and underwear.

You padded your way to the kitchen, seeing Eddie boiling some pasta on the stove. You walked up behind him and hugged him from behind, smelling like soap and the perfume he loved. He placed his hands over yours. The whole thing felt so domestic. You kissed his shoulder blade and rested your towel covered head there, sighing softly. He turned the stove off, and you moved away to sit on the island of the kitchen as you watched him drain the pasta. He’d also warmed up a jar of alfredo sauce, and you smiled, “This is my favorite comfort meal, you know.”

“I remembered you mentioning it once.” He hummed, placing the pot of now drained noddles on the stove. He dished out two bowls and handed you one before searching the drawers for utensils. You pointed to the right one and he opened it, grabbing two forks. He stood facing you, leaning on the counter you sat on as the two of you ate in silence. You’d mumbled a thank you, to which he nodded.

Once he finished, he rinsed his bowl and placed it in the dishwasher, then grabbed the now empty pots off of the stove and stood over the sink to wash them. You ate the last bite of your food and hopped down from the counter before walking up behind him and placing your hand on his back.

“You go shower. I’ll take care of this.” You said, tapping him out. He nodded, leaning down and kissing you gently before heading off to your bedroom. You’d left out a fresh towel and another one of your oversized shirts for him to wear, as well as a pair of pajama pants you’d been given that were entirely too large on you, but you’d accepted anyways because they were a gift.

You rinsed your own bowl and fork, sticking them in the dishwasher before scrubbing the pots down and dried them off with a dish towel before placing them back in a cabinet.

You walked back to your bedroom and knocked on the bathroom door, sticking your head in, “Can I come in? I need to brush my teeth.” You called over the noise of the shower.

“Yeah, of course.” He called back.

You entered the bathroom and unraveled the towel from your hair and brushed it out before grabbing your toothbrush. You brushed your teeth as you listened to Eddie him quietly to himself in the shower. You spit out the toothpaste and wipes the corner of your before walking over to the shower.

You peeled back the curtain just enough to stick your head in, facing him as he washed his face. “Hey.” You smiled.

He chuckled and looked back at you, “Hey.”

“Kiss me.” You said, closing your eyes and puckering your lips expectantly.

“You’re gonna get all wet.” He laughed, rinsing your soap off of his face.

“I don’t care. Kiss me.” You said, resuming your pose.

He giggled and leaned down, placing a sweet kiss to your lips, his hair rewetting your own a little.

You smiled once he pulled away, “Thanks.” You said, pulling your head out of the curtain and shutting it again before walking back into your bedroom, closing the bathroom door behind you.

You turned on your bedside lamp before turning off the overhead light and crawled under your covers, sitting against the headboard so you would be awake when Eddie got out of the shower.

Your attempts didn’t work though, as you slowly drifted to sleep sitting up. Once Eddie finished his shower, he got dressed and scrubbed his hair off with his towel. He walked out of the bathroom, seeing you and chuckling, walking to the other side of the bed. He crawled up and shook your shoulder gently.

“Hey,” he whispered, “let’s go to bed.”

His voice roused you enough for you to nod and lay down, cuddling up close to him as he laid next to you. He wrapped his arm around your side as the two of you quickly fell asleep, holding each other close.

The next morning, you awoke with Eddie’s arm around you, holding your back to his chest. You were a little confused when you first woke up, but after a second, the memories flooded back and you smiled, pulling his arm tighter around you as you snuggled into him. You traced the tattoo on his forearm while you listened to his slow breathing, letting yourself soak in the moment.

After a little while, you slowly peeled yourself from his arms and slipped out of bed, managing not to wake him. You walked to the kitchen and started your coffee pot, rubbing the sleep out of your eyes as you waited for it to brew. You grabbed two mugs, filling your own with cream and sugar, and leaving his empty, knowing he liked his coffee black. The coffee pot clicked, signifying it was done, so you quickly poured out to cups and walked carefully back to your bed. You set them down on your bedside table before crawling back into bed, sitting up and rubbing Eddie’s back.

He slowly woke up, stretching like a cat before looking up at you and smiling, “G’mornin.” He grumbled, his voice all raspy and deep from sleep.

You smiled, reaching over for his mug. “Good morning.” You whispered, seeing him spot the mug. His eyes widened slightly and he sat up, leaning against your headboard as he slowly took the mug from your hands.

“You’re an angel.” He smiled sleepily, leaning over to kiss your lips sweetly before sitting back to take a sip of the hot coffee.

You smiled and grabbed your own, taking a sip and humming. The two of you drank your coffee in silence, leaning against each other and waking up slowly as the soft morning sunlight poured into your window.

Once you’d finished half of your mug, you spoke. “How’d you sleep?”

“Like a rock. That’s probably the best sleep I’ve had since I stopped smoking weed.” He whispered.

You chuckled, “Me too. Well, I didn’t smoke, but I slept really well.”

“Good.” He hummed, reaching over and setting his mug down. You did the same, then he pulled you close, kissing the top of your head as he rubbed your arm.

You leaned into his touch, loving the quiet the morning provided. The two of you stayed snuggled up together for a while, letting the minutes tick past. Eventually, he turned reached up and took your chin in his hand, pulling it towards his face and kissing you gently once again. You pulled away after a second, covering your mouth with your hand, “I have coffee breath.” You whispered, almost getting up to brush your teeth before he grabbed your waist, keeping you in place.

“I do too. Kiss me anyways.” He smiled.

That was all the convincing it took for you to lean back and kiss him again, soft and sweet and sleepy. He kept his hand on your waist, using his thumb to rub comforting circles on your skin.

It all felt so familiar, like you’d been doing this for years, when in reality, this was the first time you’d woken up next to him. You could definitely get used to this.

He eventually broke the kiss and motioned for you to lay down. You did so, and he crawled over you, pulling the covers over his back. He smiled and bent down to kiss you again, at a better angle this time. You wrapped your arms around his shoulders as he deepened the kiss, humming softly when he licked your bottom lip.

Instead of everything feeling so heated and quick like last night, Eddie took his time, kissing you slowly and letting his hands explode every inch of you. It felt comforting and intimate. You let your hands wander too, touching his arms, his chest, his neck, his hair that was messy from sleep.

He moved his kisses down to your neck and you smiled softly, pulling him closer to you. He smelled like coffee and your lavender shampoo with a hint of something distinctly Eddie. He loved the way your hands lazily splayed across his chest as he kissed a spot that made goosebumps crawl across your arms.

His hands slowly slid under your shirt, running up your sides, memorizing every detail. He had all the time in the world to do so, and he planned on utilizing each moment. He slowly slid your shirt up and over your head, taking care to kiss every piece of your skin he could once he had access to it.

You tugged at his shirt and he sat up and peeled it off, tossing it on the floor. He bent to kiss you again but you stopped him, holding your arms out so he would sit up. You raked your eyes over his body, getting a good look at his tattoos finally, running your hand over the one on his chest. He smirked softly as he watched your eyes study them, letting you have your little moment.

You eventually made eye contact, and he took that as your signal to come back and kiss you once again. You wrapped one of your legs around his waist, pulling him closer, and you felt his hand grab your thigh, gripping the soft flesh gently. You’d also felt him, hard and pressing against your panties. You moaned quietly into mouth as he slowly ground against you, enjoying the friction.

You tugged at his pants, and he stayed connected to your lips as he tugged them down and kicked them off. Once he’d gotten them out of the way, you reached a down between the two of you and took him into your hand. You slowly stroked his cock, humming against his lips as you realized how big he was. He took one of your breasts into his hand, gently massaging it as he groaned against your lips, keening into your hand.

After a minute, he broke your kiss and looked down at you, his breathing a little ragged. “Do you want..” he whispered, grasping at straws to find the words in his cloudy brain.

“Yeah.. yes, Eddie.” You whispered back, knowing what he was trying to ask.

He nodded and leaned down, kissing your neck and slowly tugging your underwear off, being careful not to pull too hard and ruin another pair. You lifted your legs for him, helping him get the fabric off of your body. He tossed it somewhere in your room and you spread your legs as his right hand slowly moved from your inner thigh to your cunt, his thumb sliding up and making slow circles on your clit. You moaned softly, your hand moving from his dick to his back, enjoying the feeling of his mouth and his fingers and how his hair felt on your chest. It was all-consuming, but not overwhelming. Gentle, slow, perfect.

You were already wet, but he still took his time with his fingers, slowly pushing them into you and curling them upward, massaging your g-spot as he listened to your quiet moans. He left a small hickey on the underside of your breast after he’d rolled his tongue around your nipple.

“Eddie, please.” You whined softly, gently tangling your fingers in his hair, causing him to look into your eyes, “I need you.” You practically begged.

He moved up and kissed you gently, grinding against you again, this time without any fabric separating you. You whined against his lips, so he lined himself up and broke the kiss, looking into your eyes. You stared back at his blown pupils. “You sure, baby?” He asked one last time.

“Yes.. please, Eds.” You whispered, your breath ghosting his lips.

He kissed your temple before pushing into you. He went extremely slow, letting you adjust. Your hands tightened on his scalp, holding his face close to your own as you let out small, breathy moans until he was buried to hilt. He didn’t move, waiting until you gave him the go ahead.

After a minute or so, you nodded and he began to push in and out of you, kissing every inch of you that was with his reach, one arm holding himself up and the other supporting one of the thighs you’d wrapped around him.

He never made an attempt to speed up, instead, going at an agonizing pace but making sure to push into you as deep as possible with each thrust. One of your hands stayed in his hair, while the other held into his shoulder to brace yourself as your back arched.

The hand on your thigh eventually moved between the two of you, two of his fingers rubbing your clit, making him moan into your ear when he felt you clench around him.

You felt a knot in your stomach slowly tighten as your breath picked up and your moans progressively became more frequent. You were spilling praises, telling him how good he felt and how close you were.

He kissed up your neck, his breath hot against your already burning skin, “Say my name.” He instructed.

You moaned at that, “God.. Eddie.. you’re- yes keep going.”

He kept his rhythm, feeling you get tighter as you got closer to your climax. “Come on baby,” he breathed in your ear, “cum for me.”

After a few more thrusts, you were arching your back and moaning his name as he rutted into you. “Fuck.” He groaned, close himself.

Once you’d regained yourself a little, you wrapped your legs tighter around him, “I’m on the pill, Eddie.” You whispered, “Please.. I need to feel it.”

That was all it took for him to groan and fill you up, his hips snapping into you a couple times as he finished. Once he’d come down from the high, he slowly pulled out of you, apologizing when he saw you wince slightly.

He flopped down on the bed next to you, causing you to giggle breathlessly. You turned on your side and rubbed his back gently. He smiled and pulled you close, cuddling up with you and peppering kisses on your face, loving the sound of your quiet laughter.

The two of you stayed like that for another hour, whispering and giggling, your hands gently tracing shapes on the arm that held you so close. He kissed you every chance he got, smiling against your lips.

Eventually he sighed, “I should probably relieve the babysitter of her duties soon.”

You nodded, understanding, and sat up, grabbing your now cold coffee off of your night stand and taking a sip, tugging your covers up to keep yourself warm. He got out of bed and got dressed in the clothes he’d worn last night, aware of your eyes on him as he did so. He pulled his jeans up and stuck his hip out to the side, posing and making you laugh. Once he was fully dressed, he walked over to you and kissed you again.

“I’ll call you tonight?” He asked.

“Of course.” You smiled, pecking him one last time before you watched him leave your room. You heard the front door close and you hummed, finishing up your coffee in the quiet hours of the morning.

tag list: @mcueveryday @bebe0701 @emma77645 @edsforehead @manda-panda-monium @nina211544 @wendyfawcett @whisperinthewoods07

[inconsideratekidney]

10/3/24

happy october! i love spooky season, not for the spooks, but for the earthy tones and slight weather change. i have definitely not prepared myself enough for this cold weather and am in a bad mood lately, but i am very ready for this season. i like it better downstate because it's very fucking cold up here.....i don't like it thaaat much up here, but everyone i know and care about is up here, so yur. i also love wearing sweaters, cardigans, sweatshirts, fun socks, ugg slippers, PANTSSSS pacifically flare pants and jeans in general.

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i like that my hair sits on my shoulders and has enough volume that it looks vibrant, but what i wouldn't do to have thin hair that is easy to put up in a ponytail and take care of. i hate how frizzy my hair looks about one hour after brushing it, how it takes so much effort to put it up and how often i see other people putting their hair up in such cute braids n shit! i want that. every day it sits awkwardly on my shoulders waiting for me to give enough of a fuck to do something about it. i also don't do anything to take care of my hair. i just hate it and stick with whatever it looks like. i don't blow dry my hair ever, i also don't wear makeup really. i only brush out my hair after it's mostly dry, then i brush it a little, cuz it just frizzes up and looks poofy and stupid when i brush it out. i don't like how time-consuming hair and makeup is. i would love to be an eyeliner and mascara girly, but eyeliner is so hard. im good with my mascara cuz i also don't want to look like im wearing anything. it's super cool to see the eye looks people come up with, but i wouldn't want people to always look at me even if it made me feel good to wear it and that i worked hard on it--if that makes people stare at me or look at me more than usual, i don't want it.

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why the hell is the boob rock all over the snapchat stories and why are these boobless computer science majors so invested in reincarnating it? it's so pathetic. get a life please.....stop bothering public safety to have to keep removing it after you guys keep replacing it......so odd and such freshman behavior. they also get so mad when you say that it's porn and upsetting women. sorry something you did upset someone else and you have to risk your ego. it's a dumb thing and honestly is such a tech school thing. sometimes i really wish i didn't go here....

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my thumb hurts less, but still hurts. i am uncomfortable with the fact that it's not healing fully and that i can easily reinjure it if i am not careful....hate that. it lowkey feels broken..... it hurts in the bone area if i bend it outwards like in a direction your thumb doesn't typically go. this is like that doctor interaction:

"it hurts when i do this, doctor."

"then don't do that!"

i don't do it on purpose, it just happens when i do life. my bad, doc.

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there really are some people in my classes that stunt my learning. some people that talk during the lecture, fidget a ton and are too loud for my liking all throughout the lecture and they sit right next to me. i am referring to one person, but they really do piss me off. they weren't in class today, so i could pay attention better... i also had to ask for help with the lab and the person next to me was of little help and i wanted to cry after asking for his help because i still didn't understand what he said or whatever the fuck i actually have to do for the assignment. that assignment sucks and can kiss my ass. i hate statistics.

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this blog is all over the place as i am plopping ideas onto the page that have come up and are all that i can remember for the time being. sometimes i write these in multiple go's and i hate it because it lacks the continuity that i crave. i also love sitting down and writing it in one sitting because it develops a theme, but sometimes that theme is very tunnel-visioned and doesn't make any sense at all. this blog is not going in one single direction or even a couple, it's going in many directions and i couldn't care less this time to fix it because i feel like shit.

speaking of my blog and continuity--i want to try to post on either tuesdays or thursdays or both. thats what i did last week and it felt easier. thursdays appear to be the worst day out of my week consistently so i hope to get at least tuesdays.

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why do people have children? i mean seriously, why? because it's what other people do; because it's the expectations your parents set for you; because you want the population to keep going; because you really wanted to have a little girl since your own childhood for vague reasons at first, then realized you hated the way you were raised and want to do better for the next generation and you can't complain about the next generation going to shit when you aren't actively having children? yeah, these reasons are very pressuring. feels rough when i don't even really want children for myself, i just want to parent in a different way than my parents, and that in and of itself could be more harmful than just not having kids. idk. i probably will have kids so i don't feel useless in the future, but also, i don't want to pressure them to do anything they don't want to....idk....

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i really dislike when people get so opinionated that they have blurred vision or even rose-colored glasses on. i want more opinions from different people, but it's also so overwhelming honestly. i need like a couple of business days to take in what people say to me, and that's way too long before people get bored or forget what five-second convo we had that i thought about for way too long.

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i scratched my watch against the wall when trying to get something in between my wall and my bed. it turns out my bed was too close to the wall and i want to truly throw it at the fucking wall because what the fuck. this thing gets scratched so easily and it pisses me off. i hope it goes away this time...it's happened before.

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i am almost completely done decorating my room. got my mushrooms up, my butterflies have a home now, i put my mattress topper on my bed, and i removed the clutter from the ground. i gotta vacuum, build the shelf, put up some posters, and get a rug from target most likely. yipee!~

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i want more frilly socks cuz my typical socks pull on my hair and it hurts like a motherfucker.

i also have been sweating too much in this cold weather. gotta pick one or the other, babe. fuck my body and its stupid inequalities.

oki, goodnight y'all love you,

kD :p

[queenlilithprime]

NSFW Alphabet - Lilith Obergene

For the curious ones... (Reminder: Lilith is a self-insert but also not a 1-to-1 me. My friends can ship Lily with their charas but if we aren't friends please ask first!)

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

Extremely attentive, will get water, snacks, will clean their partner off… turn on a movie, give lots of affection and cuddling afterwards. They’ll always make sure to help their lover wind down especially after rough sessions.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

On their body? Probably their tits, thighs, or ass, but if you want a real answer, their eyes. On your body? Hands, neck, thighs… ass...

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

Doesn’t have much of a taste but it takes forever to get Lilith to climax!

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Has a secret dacryphilia kink, likes the idea of their lover just absolutely ravaging them and making them unable to think.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

In most canons they are extremely experienced! In some however, like in the Camp Willowpeak universe, they are a virgin.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

Mating press, up against a wall… basically just fuckin wreck them <33

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

Pretty serious! Can be lighthearted in some moments but does take sex more seriously.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

90% of the time they’re fully shaved, the other 10% they have a heart patch.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

Most of the time that they have sex it’s not super intimate but Lily can be very romantic with someone that they have a relationship with.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

Very often… almost too often…

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Sadism, Masochism, Bondage, BDSM, Breeding, Hair-pulling, Dacryphilia, Edging, Overstim, Begging (Especially being made to beg), Biting, Lingerie, Praise and Degradation, Playfighting, Oral, Facesitting, Choking, Voyeurism/Exhibitionism, Cock-warming, Rough Sex, Spanking, Shibari, Collaring, Cream-pies… you get the idea

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

Bed, Shower, Bent over a table, pretty much anywhere you can fuck them

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Sensual touches, affectionate words, showing sexual interest in them will definitely rev their engine

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Age-play! Gross-out Kinks! No Daddy kinks! Mommy kinks are fine. Nothing Anal </3 will peg partners but otherwise its a no-no

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

oral fixation go brrrr, prefers eating pussy over sucking dick but will absolutely give their penis-having partner head, and might make them lose their mind a lil, they’re good. Albeit if a little shy to be on the receiving end

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

Tries to start out slow but once they get into the pleasure of it will want more and more until it’s a pretty steadily quick pace.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

Likes them! Loves to take their time with partners but also enjoys the risk of being caught.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

Most things are cool with them, outside of their no-no list they’ll try pretty much anything at least once

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

Human: 13 hours Succubus: Infinite Vampire: 27 hours

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

Any toy you can think of, they have. Tons of dildos, tons of vibrators, lots of bondage gear.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

1000000000% loves teasing on either end

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

Soft breathy whimpers and moans, pretty quiet. Gets really flustered by dirty talk.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

Can be the most sadistic dom you’ve ever met or the most pathetic whiny sub ever.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

J-Cup tits, bigger ass, large thighs, small waist… Even when they aren’t a succubus in some worlds they still look like one lol

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

Hypersexual

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

They stay awake long enough to get to the cuddles portion of aftercare. They’ll try to stay up if there’s a movie but will pass out shortly after.

[msbarrows]

I had the weirdest dream this morning. Not so much weird because of content, but just... weird.

Background context: I often find it easier to go to sleep if I pull up a fic I've read before (pref several times before) on my tablet, set the TTS running, turn the volume down super-low, and just listen to it with my eyes closed. Occupies the brain just enough that the small distract-able rodents that power it stop running on the wheel, and I drop off after a bit instead of lying there awake with too much going on in my head.

Of course this conflicts a bit with my desire, once I wake up in the mornings, to want to lie in bed for a bit listening to a fic before actually getting up and starting my day, because my brain has now been trained that lying in bed listening to quiet TTS means sleepy times and will all-too-often doze off again. So I've gotten used to turning up the volume until it's a bit loud, so my brain knows that no, it's not sleepy-time any more.

This morning I woke up stupid early, like 6am-ish, and after listening to loud reading for a bit my brain decided I needed more sleep anyway. Except I have a loud voice reading aloud. So my brain incorporated that into a dream. I'm in a coffee or donut shop of some kind trying to order a drink, and there's this leonine older man on his phone, projecting his voice as he talks (hence the loudness). Meanwhile dream-me can't hear the counter-guy over the loud voice, it's as if I've gone deaf apart from phone guy's voice, though counter guy can hear me just fine and I can mostly hear my own voice (usually it's me who can't make a noise, and everyone else is fine).

So he's trying to talk to me and I'm having to explain, "Sorry, I've gone temporarily deaf. Apart from that guy, of course," *gestures over shoulder towards phone guy* "Him I can hear just fine." We both roll our eyes, I get my order placed, then I'm digging through my purse looking for my debit card to pay for the purchase... can't find it. Can find loose change. So I'm picking out loonies and toonies and quarters and some dimes, figuring I'll need $6-$7 dollars or so, but I can't keep count and keep having to start over as I pick out coins. I'm trying to ask counter guy what I owe him, and he's trying to tell me, but I still can't hear him, just phone guy's loud voice. "Hold up enough fingers for how many dollars will cover it, I still can't hear you." He laughs and shrugs and pushes the drink over to me and waves a 'forget about it, it's free' gesture and walks back towards the kitchen. I push over the change anyway and take the drink.

Dream-me is now looking for a table, and is delighted to realize I know the story the phone guy is telling. A fellow enjoyer of it! Awesome! I should take my copy out of my purse and flash the cover at him so we can have that delighted 'same hat!' moment at each other over it, without interrupting his phone call of course.

Except I can't find the book in my purse. Nor my tablet it might be on. Or my phone. Or anything else I recognize, actually, and I've never owned a purse that looks like this, wtf...

And then of course I finally wake up.

Mostly I'm just amused about how my brain decided to work with the loud noise in the room. Like I've slept through some loud noises before (up to and including actual literal pile-driving just down the street from my apartment), but this was just so funny to me once I woke up and figured out what had happened.

Also it's one of my most clearly-remembered dreams I've ever had, even hours later. Like I can remember how as I was picking out coins I was thinking about how I used to say that one of the nice things about loonies and toonies (back before paying with cash became the exception rather than the norm) was that you might have only a handful of loose change but if you checked it still might be $10-$20 or so. And was also thinking about how unusual it was to be paying with cash at all these days.

Also, you know that thing about how every face you see in a dream is one you've actually seen before in real life? Yeah, I actually remember both the faces in the dream. The counter-guy was one of my college teachers, and the leonine phone guy was Canadian flutist Robert Aitken (about 30 years younger than he is now - as he looked when I first saw him).

Brains are just so weird sometimes. Doubly so when dreaming.

[dzpenumbra]

7/14/23

Good lord, today has been a shitshow. Once again woken up at 8AM, dreams and creaking floorboards. I roll over and go back to sleep, then an hour later... I am woken up... I shit you not... to knocking and a fucking voice yelling out inside my apartment.

The maintenance guy showed up unannounced at 9AM on a Thursday. And he keyed his way into my apartment. I'm hoping him seeing my shoes on the floor was the reason he actually said anything. I honestly don't know.

Looks like those self-protective instincts telling me to be vigilant for intruders in my home... turned out to be spot on. Great. Now this hypervigilance will never go away. I could feel it once I verified the sound was actually maintenance in my unit, it was just yelling "see?! see?! I fucking told you! I was warning you! I was RIGHT!" Even a broken clock is right twice a day, gotta keep remembering that.

I scrambled to put on clothes and get downstairs. The guy had an extra fan blade he wanted to size, to see if it would work as a replacement. It did not. So... he turned around and went to leave. Yep, woke me up for that. Now, this is me on about 5 hours of sleep, which normally isn't that bad... but this the fourth consecutive night of 4-6 hours of sleep. That shit accrues. It stacks. I feel straight up fucking drunk right now, I'm legit delirious.

So... he said he was going to look around for a replacement fan, or maybe order one. I asked when to expect that, he said he'd send an email. After he left, my heart was still going and my eyes were barely open. I was unsure what to do. I just kinda paced around a bit and oriented myself with the waking world. I don't entirely remember what I did. But not too much later, he started knocking on my door again. He found a fan, and I said... okay, we're on. Let's get this shit over with. He had to get a ladder that actually... worked... so he left and I put on a pot of coffee. He got the new fan put on, it's set and running now. Finally. It's been like 4 days.

But something weird happened. I mean... the whole situation was insanely weird, in hindsight. The dude shows up at my door after saying he's going to order a part and get back to me... he doesn't order the part or get back to me... he shows up with a salvaged piece from a different model of fan... three days later. I specifically asked in the email I sent to the manager that he drop by after 3pm since I'm on a weird schedule. The first time, he did that. Then... this time, he just shows up at 9AM for no reason at all. Which was insanely disruptive. But, me being the super nice pushover I am... I just got out of bed, made coffee and struck up a nice conversation about the crazy weather as I started working on my digital art project with him on a ladder next to me. Not telling him to fuck off and come back after 3, like I specifically asked in the email. Why? I'm scared of confrontation. I want to be nice. And I'm already fucking up. The damage is already done. He already keyed into my goddamn home, we're ending this now.

The weirder thing that happened? Like... every sentence I spoke? He couldn't hear me. He needed me to repeat literally everything I said. Again... because I am constantly tiptoeing around my apartment, and whispering. And I'm usually awake all night while everyone else is asleep and no one has complained yet, so... I'm guessing I'm pretty good at being quiet? I never speak loud. I never even really have opportunities to use my full voice. So... no shit? I guess? No shit my voice has disappeared?

It was a bit haunting though. Like I said last night, I used to be a goddamn singer. Not only that, a screamer. A metal vocalist. I used to sing full-bore in the shower every single morning. I got really good at singing from that. Now? Now, I'm talking at a comfortable volume to someone 10 feet away and he can't hear me.

So which came first? Did I end up in isolation because I wasn't seen or heard? Or am I not seen or heard because I'm in isolation? Chicken or the egg? In the end, it's just sad.

He finished, the fan is set up and running, that chapter is over. I played Hades for a while. It was actually a pretty nice day out. I was planning on taking a nap and then going skating. I was way too tired to just go skate then. I finished my pot of coffee, put a coat of oil on the beads... Honestly, I don't really fully remember much of the day, it's all been a blur. But around noon or one, I ended up eating a big bowl of Raisin Bran with almond milk (yep, I've become that guy) and passing out. Successfully.

I woke up to more creaking. It gets to the point where it's like a sick joke or something. I don't even bother with the headphones anymore, I feel like they might actually hurt unless I'm blasting something, because they neutralize the sound of the fan... which is covering up the creaks... and it ends up actually isolating the creaks... so... not a super effective solution unless I'm playing something loud directly in my ears that covers up those sounds. That option is still on the table.

I woke up and it was... a sickening yellowish grey out. I was a bit afraid I overslept until dusk... but I checked my phone and it was only mid-afternoon. I got another couple hours of sleep. It felt a bit cold... so I check the weather and... sure enough... there was a storm rolling in, and it was starting... 10 minutes from when I woke up. Like it was literally just starting. Crazy timing. So... I missed my window to skate.

But that turned out to be okay, because I had a lot of inspiration today for some reason. I finally conceptualized what I wanted to do for my griptape art... at least the start, and I'm going to work from there. Actually for a lot of my representative art.

First, for my trick board, I wanted to do a red-tailed hawk on the tail, and a raven on the nose. Their heads, in profile, likely looking the same direction, so that when you shove-it and the board fully rotates the birds are looking the same direction. And I want to paint those with acrylic in color and in detail. And in the center, I want a mandala radiating out to meet them. I think that's a solid design.

I really want to reconnect with animal spirits. I have the owl here, and my other animal I've had representing me has been the chipmunk. And, as much as the chipmunk is very innocent and playful and loveable... I'm afraid I'm identifying too much with it. The timid skittishness and hiding and all that. The Red-tail has been one of my strongest animal connections in my life, I'd like to rekindle that connection. No offense, blue jay. Maybe I'll save a pant-drawing for the blue jay, so it has its special spot.

And the raven? I pulled a tarot card before going to the event in the parking lot yesterday. God that feels like days ago, my sense of time is so fucked. The tarot card I pulled was Six of Swords, which in my deck is an illustration of a woman holding her child, riding a raven over turbulent waters. And... the river yesterday... So... the literal symbolism was a part of wanting to connect there. I've connected with the crow plenty, but have always neglected the raven. I figured it's time. The card is supposed to represent... carrying your conviction through adversity, towards a better future... "a change of mind leading to a brighter future" is what I wrote in my study doc. It was pretty dead on. And the raven is a symbol of wild wisdom. Where I've always seen the hawk as... a scout of sorts, a sentry; precision, vigilance and solitude.

My electric hybrid board, it's a bit more general but I wanted to do the dog god (Anubis) on the tail, and I think I'm going to go with a deer god on top. I'm really feeling pulled towards the deer right now. I've also felt pretty compelled to put a dear head on my beige cargo shorts, the color is right. It's a thought, I think it'd be cool. And I was tempted to put a symbol that represents ahimsa on my green cargo shorts, but... it's a symbol used in the Jain faith, which I'm not fully familiar with... but what I have studied of it was... a bit too much for me. I love the sentiment, but it goes a bit farther than I think I'd comfortably be able to live. Like... I can do vegetarian, but I don't know if I can go vegan... that kinda step a little too far for me. So... yeah, still on the fence with that one.

I did yoga super late, but I did one for my neck and I swear to god every time I do that one it is very humbling but it makes my neck and shoulders feel so much better. That's the one that introduced me to Locust, which I have a very love-hate relationship with. I guess I don't really do enough regular neck stretches, and I'm constantly craning it, doing art and looking at monitors and such. I did my yoga right around when the storm was picking up. It was nice.

After the storm, I was doing all sorts of stuff... but I ended up gathering some books from my bookshelf. I figured it was time to study meditation. So I got my book on modern Druidry that I was studying last summer right until I got to the meditation chapter... because I read a passage where they said you can "suffer neurological damage" if you meditate while inebriated? Like... even on alcohol? Which... I could see as a... deterrent to try to make it clear that young party kids are not welcome... I guess? But like... you have wine and meditation as part of most of your rituals... Just sayin... It felt like fear-mongering. It did not feel like something rooted in truth, it felt like a propaganda statement stated as fact as a way of showing disapproval towards certain forms of practice. And this guy and his school are absolutely entitled to those restrictions, I mean Jains don't even eat eggs, but they consume milk? For some reason? I mean... we all have our reasons. And I get it, and I have my own too, and I respect those deeply. They're part of what make us... us. But for the love of god, don't go around saying "if you meditate when you're drunk you're going to get brain damage". That sounds like the same paranoid shit people in the suburbs were spouting about "don't take apples from your neighbors on Halloween because they might have slipped razor blades in them!" Or "don't let those kids skateboard here, if they fall and hurt themselves they're going to sue you." It really turned me off, so much that I stopped reading the book entirely at that point.

I also grabbed a book by Chogyam Trungpa called Meditation in Action that found its way into my hands... and my copy of Ram Dass' Be Here Now which... I'm pretty sure has a dedicated section in the back about meditation. I don't know exactly what I'm looking for, but I'm sure I'll find it here somewhere. I started with Ram Dass, and started reading the introduction to get more familiar with his story, but I was getting too sucked in and had to go shower...

But first... I glanced at the sky. The storm had ended and it was peach and rose colored. It was gorgeous. I went to my big windows and looked in awe at the sky above. And I decided to draw a tarot card, because it felt like a moment of transition. My prompt being... just a general "what to look out for in the future". I pulled the inverted Seven of Wands. Seven of Wands represents standing in defense against overwhelming odds. And the inversion... a blockage, or difficulty, a disconnect, a dissonance. And that's sorta been weighing on me a bit, because it's true. I struggle with standing up for myself and my rights and my desires a lot, as it's rooted in confidence, and I think my confidence is pretty damn low lately. Mostly because... it's not being fed... it's entirely self-generated by a depressed person and my worst critic - me.

I showered and decided to sing in the shower. I couldn't bring myself to sing loudly, despite the people I would be disturbing being the same neighbors who have fucked up my entire life for four consecutive nights now. I just... held back.

And... I shit you not... I went to get a drink and there was a letter under the door. I couldn't fathom what it could be. My rent and bills were autopay, and they were payed up over a week ago. I... was just baffled. I opened it. It was a lease renewal form. They want me to renew my lease with them, if I want to, and it would have to be done by September. So... I have some time to think. They said they can put some of my deposit towards my first month of the new lease. But... what was really confusing me? There was a new number for the rent. There was my current rent... then my renewal rent which was... $60/month higher than my current rent if received before mid-September. And a renewal rent which is $95/month higher if I renew after that. So... no matter what, my rent is going up. And this is how I'm finding out about it.

It's weird. You'd think you'd like... want to reward people for being good tenants, and renewing their leases. Like... imagine if you were renting somewhere and were a perfect tenant and every year they just keep raising the rent. Like... nothing is changing... I guess it's inflation? Is this normal? I don't think my last house had a rent change in the like... 4-5 years I was there... I don't know.

So... that's confusing for a few reasons. And the worst part is, I don't have anyone to talk to. No one to try to work out my difficulty understanding this concept. Add in the fact that my neighbors have been affecting my sleep so severely that it's forced me to change my sleep schedule and is still affecting my physical health. Add in the fact that... I don't even really go out... I don't even really use the city. I just sorta... get stuff delivered, which I could do in the country... but I have to deal with the inconveniences of the city on top of that. The noise... the loud, oblivious, flat-footed city folk who slam doors and stomp around and scream while they have sex when they have neighbors on all sides. And the forest has been calling me. And I just don't know what the best idea for me right now is, or even what's available. I need to really think about it.

Here's another factor. I found that sustainable trail building certificate course again. It's a year-long thing, including an internship. The college it's at is about an hour drive away, each way. I don't have a car, so I'd have to do that rental shared car thing specifically for that. And it was listing the courses as... a full week... one week a month, in September and November, then a spring "field trip", then another week in april/may... then a May to August internship. $3.5k for the whole thing, full-year certificate program.

Bro, I don't know how to balance that. Where the fuck am I going to live? What do I do with the rest of my time? Am I driving to this college for one hour classes... 7 days a week... for one week... then waiting two months, then doing it again? Can't I just... apprentice under someone? Can't I just say "hey, I'm super interested in what you do and I'll literally uproot my life and devote every day to learning this. Full-time. All I ask is teach me what you know and help me get set up with a job after.

And... do I keep this in consideration for my lease renewal? Is this a real plan? This isn't even a job, this is just for a certificate. I'm just... I can feel the emotional wall, so I'm just gonna say it. I'm scared if I go through with this, I'm going to get fleeced again. Like the tattoo school thing. Where I go, and I'm the best student there, and I do amazing work, and then I go home and... I'm $5k lighter, no license, no connections and no future. And the Tower comes crumbling down.

And I've been a bit insecure about just... calling the college and asking them to do something non-traditional. Or calling people who do this type of work, and asking them for mentorship. I had it work one time in college, when my non-traditional approach of trying to get credits transferred, and having to make presentations to committees of teachers to justify the credits I had already fucking earned at other colleges and all that... that did work. But it's like ever since then, every single time has fallen flat. Every email I send is just... never responded to. Every call, not returned. Every heart-felt 2 page long letter pouring out my story and my soul-deep reasons for why I'm so passionate about this... it just... doesn't go anywhere. Because I'm a stranger. I'm just a random stranger, writing them on the internet. So... it just... feels pointless. I'd love to write like this to someone in the field. Or one of my mentors, my idols. "Hey, I absolutely love what you do. It inspires me every single day. I want nothing more than to do what you do, and I'm willing to uproot my entire life to immerse myself in it." And to not even get a call back... it's like... what's even the point?

So yeah, I'm struggling with all of that. But it's good to have more options, and more info. I just want to make sure I've given this area a fair chance before I pack my bags. Plus... I don't have a car... so how the fuck am I going to move anyway...

I even entertained the idea of asking the building manager to have me switch units. Ideally to one where there isn't someone pacing back and forth stomping on creaky floorboards at both 2AM and 8AM... somehow... I do like having the unit number 111, that's gonna be hard to give up... but the prospect of having a top-floor apartment that might even be cheaper than this one? That's pretty fucking tempting... But... ugh, moving already? I'm kinda attached to this place. I don't know.

Anyway. Big day again. God, I need a day where I just... chill. This is too much. I'm so deeply exhausted. And, because it's already late and I need to read this back... I'm going to stop writing now.

[heyninja]

Episode 5: The Scream-ening

This show continues to take some genre staples and just flip the bitch. I thought from the morning conversation with Porsche and Kinn that Porsche didn't remember anything (which, unfortunately, can be a side-effect of GHB) and I thought OH NO, not this again.

But no. Porsche remembers. He just doesn't know what do do with it. Kinn is treating him like before, maybe worse than before. Porsche is being punished by the bodyguards he's supposed to be in charge of. Kinn flaunts having a different lover right in front of Porsche, and flippantly makes clear to Porsche that whatever it is Porsche is doing with his time, it is of less than any concern to Kinn.

The only marks that Porsche bears from his time with Kinn are the marks of punishment, and his entire bearing, his entire demeanor, shows that he is struggling to find his footing in this space and failing.

Gone is the animated, over-exuberant man who flings himself around and happily inhabits the life of the party. His actions are tempered, small. His face is a mask, his eyes are downcast. When he interacts with Kinn he tends to hunch, to turn aside, to turn the volume down from 10 to barely heard. Even when directly confronting Kinn it's worn down.

Even then, from Kinn's perspective, it's clear that Porsche takes up all the air in the room. When Porsche tells him if Kinn can do whatever he wants, then do it, Kinn physically sways into Porsche like he can't help it. Now, whether Kinn is not allowing himself to name what he feels for Porsche because a) whatever in the past that happened throws a pall over it or b) he literally is just not allowing himself for personal reasons, it's still the same outcome - Kinn will not let himself admit that Porsche is different to him. Despite how his actions are screaming out those differences.

I think, when he got the advice from Pete on how to talk to Porsche, Kinn was honestly just thinking "how to get through to my most dumbass body guard, excellent" and nothing more. And he's clearly super, super bad at the execution. Though it does give Mile the opportunity to show off how he normally handles himself vocally (soft but assured and pointed) versus how Porsche ends up twisting him up (frustrated, snappish, verging on loud).

Also, I mentioned this in one of my gifset tag explosions but: the tryptich scene, where they showed both Porsche and Kinn attempting a casual hookup while BOTH of them were thinking of the episode 4 hookup, and thus neither one of them could get very far because it did not live up to the memory of their time together: chef's kiss. I was screaming into my hands about that.

Anyway, I love the range here of both characters. Porsche withdrawing, trying to find some way to connect to Kinn, and withdrawing even further when those efforts are rebuffed. Kinn trying to find his equilibrium by falling into business as usual and trying to keep his father's good opinion, and still finding no solace, and finding himself in the position of trying to connect with someone on their terms instead of his. Just a REALLY great character study here, especially when neither of them is admitting to their true turmoil out loud.

Mile and Apo just buried everyone with how well they did with these complex emotional interplays and how well acted they were. I am just over the moon about how well they complement each other.

ALSO ALSO. That chase/fight scene. Glad the budget was there for this one, it was so good. I love me some drift compatible battle couples. Seriously my first post on tumblr after I decided to start using it in 2012 was a battle couple post don't @ me.

I believe in the power of being handcuffed together to force people to face their feelings.

(Plus I am waiting for Porchay to wreck Kim's everything by being the sunshiniest cinnamon roll ever and giving him all the feelings. I'll wait.)