#like. harder than it ever was
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this place makes me want to kill myself
#things have been.... incredibly hard on my job#like. harder than it ever was#I don't even have it in me to talk about it because I don't wanna relive it#but that one coworker who hates me just brought it up again to make it worse#and I did SO good on keeping my cool and simply not caring when it happened earlier this week#I guess she saw that and couldn't let me be at peace with something for once#she realized I didn't suffer enough from the situation and decided to give me one last blow about it#which is just bizarre. I wish everyone here would stop acting like children#god I just wanna get out of here so bad#this place makes me want to throw up#I never want to work in an office job again#it's just fucking ruined for me#if I don't pass the latam dynamic I'm just gonna go back to job hunting for grocery store jobs or something#I can't believe this place was so toxic it made me give up my entire plan b career path#rambles*
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perhaps the most important question iāve ever asked:
does anyone have tips for people trying to stop being chronically late to everything in the world that arenāt weirdly judgmental and aggressive or flat out lies
#when i tell you every single resource iāve ever found or tried to get through or anyone iāve ever asked#has been just so. mean about it#not even intentionally#not always at least#but thereās so much inherent shame tied to being late to things or being a person who used to be late to things#that i donāt think people can untie that from their āhelpful tipsā#itās all āi used to also be a lazy uncaring piece of shit! you donāt have to be a horrible wretched loser anymore!ā and itās like. okay.#you see how thatās not helping. right.#making me feel worse about it is NEVER helpful. i promise you i already have tortured myself over it FARRR more than any āon timeā person#ever had#this has been a comic iāve been stewing on for ages as well but. well thereās of course the shame#idk itās something that people are always despicably mean about bc fundamentally people who have never struggled with it#see it as a personal choice to be late#and as something one needs to just ātry harderā to fix. and that if you donāt#you inherently donāt care about other peopleās time or even other people in general#and that feels horrible! it feels really bad!!#i mean iāve got it from EVERYONE. disability allies. other adhd folks. disability resource offices#itās something that nobody ever cares to acknowledge or try to accommodate for#bc time blindness and exec dysfunction are NEVER taken seriously as disabilities. theyāre always always viewed as a personal failing#and iām sick and tired of it. bc all this does is make people struggling with this Hate themselves#and worry endlessly that maybe they Are selfish and actually Donāt care about anyone else#thereās a bit too much here to keep in the tags i should really do the comic for adhd awareness month
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"if we make america worse and more of a dictatorship that will be even harder to unravel and make it the way we want the country to be, maybe then everyone will join our Glorious Revolution!" bb girl you cant even be in the same room with someone who thinks you should vote, how in tf do you think you're gonna unite people to fight in The Revolution with you? it's gonna be you and your 5 friends, i hate to break it to you.
#i dont think you realize how repelling you and your politics are to everyone else#you get all of your validation for how Smart You Are from your friends and ignore any kind of feedback that suggests you should#change or do something differently. thats the only reason you're so convinced average people will go along with you bc you keep getting#affirmation from the people who ALREADY agree with you- but you have NO IDEA how to bridge the gap between people who agree#with you and disagree with you. you're horrible at convincing people of your side of things outside of straight up guilt tripping them#or bullying them like a highschooler. im sorry but the tools you learned to survive with as a kid aren't gonna help you in this situation.#the ONLY THING you can come up with to bridge that gap is a bloody revolution. thats how bad you are at this.#and you're also so bad at this and unimaginative that you dont even realize how THAT might not even be enough.#you cant imagine ANY kind of avenue to getting people to change AT ALL outside of blood and fire. and thats why people call you#an authoritarian.#i'll be honest- i really do think the world would be a better place if we did incremental change under a democratic president who wont#set the world on fire vs the godkingemperor republican WHO WONT EVEN LISTEN TO YOU AT ALL EVER AND MIGHT KILL YOU#FOR PUTTING UP A STINK. idk if you noticed but if that evil fuck gets into office we are severely outnumbered if he gets police#n shit to go after his own citizens. letting trump win is making this battle so much harder than it needs to be.#you are choosing trying to fix the world while its exploding vs trying to fix it before it explodes at all.#what is this like a procrastination thing? you wanna wait till the last minute to try? idfgi. wtf is wrong with you#throwing minority lives away to prove a point. and then you try to tell me you care. gtfoh.#accelerationists should never be taken seriously.
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Unpopular almost blasphemous labru opinion time: kabru would so be into getting flavour profiled actually hed be like. Oh citrus notes interesting. And then he'd have a small crisis about not being able to do the same for Laios BUT he can tell him how quickly he would die if he stabbed him in whatever part he's kissing and that's just as sexy
#labru#nsft text#so much fanfic in which laios is like 'oh you taste almost like..' and kabru is like NO and im sorry esteemed scholars i gotta disagree#its an interesting thing to know!#now if you dont want to go to the trouble of describing taste because its a pain in the ass i respect that#wow but ive been talking a lot about laios eating kabru out lately. it has been a very dry pride month over here what can i say#kabru *sucking a mark into laios' tigh* and you see youd think this is safe but actually an important artery passes here#*resting his ear on the spot* i can even hear your heartbeat!!! *big smile* you'd bleed out in ten minutes#laios *harder than hes ever been in his life* what if. what if you stabbed my dick#kabru *still smiling* not yet#laios: PLEASE PLEASE PLEASEPLEASEPLEASEE
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Himaruya Bamboo Thicket Blog Posts Link
Hi, today I came across those super old blog posts from Hima on Hetarchive, many of which are apparently still left untranslated. Since I had nothing to do today, I decided to put them all in a doc in order and side-by-side with English translations. Since it's A LOT and I'm lazy, I decided to just put them through ChatGPT lol. It's still a work in progress, atm of writing this I've only done January-March 2008 lol, but anyway if you're interested, feel free to check it out:
I'm learning a lot about Hima like this honestly, like apparently he has ADHD? It's very interesting
And if you happen to know if there was anybody else who tled these elsewhere, please let me know! :)
#hetalia#hidekaz himaruya#btw sorry for not tling any heta content lately i tried tling a dj the other day but it was harder than i remember so i gave up lol#originally my plan for today was to log down all heta content and the dates they came out so I can put Hetalia āin orderā#but then got distracted by these un-tled blog posts so I guess you can consider this step one of a very long process#though i can't expect I'll ever actually finish lol I just love doing these weird impulses of mine whenever I feel like it#and if you're interested atm I've been tling a manga series called āmy arikaā it's pretty good
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I connected the dots (ie I saw two rottmnt dtiys challenges involving cars and decided to combine them)
AU crossover time! Featuring @angelpuns's Leo and @onionninjasstuff's Donnie and Mikey.
They saw Barbie in theaters, robbed the US government, and got ice cream afterward.
(In my mind this is post villain pb+j "redemption", meaning they're still gleefully destructive, but now also get along with their long lost family.)
Bonus:
#leo can have a little crime. as a treat#(i really didn't want it to be angsty)#this might be the most involved peice of fanart ive ever attempted#was it fun? yes. was it a pain in the butt? also yes#pizza supreme i had to draw CARS for this!#fun fact- Donnies gun is based off of a nerf gun. it felt like the right amount of extra#also: this is my first time using alt text. image ids are harder than i thought#rottmnt#rottmnt fanart#rottmnt fancomic#my art#rottmnt dtiys#rottmnt au#villain pb&j duo#kid leo au#unrealistic sci fi gun but jic#tw gun#cw gun#rottmnt donnie#rottmnt mikey#rottmnt leo#rottmnt raph
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I'm actually so done with people (including "allies") using trans* men in order to attack trans* women. There is no trans liberation without all of us.
"Oh, you don't see trans men doing [x], but you see trans women doing it!" Actually, that just tells me that you intentionally leave trans* men out of this specific bias against trans people. It tells me everything about your attitude about trans* men and trans* women.
#trans#transgender#lgbt#lgbtq#ftm#mtf#nonbinary#transphobia#transphobia tw#transmisogyny tw#going to actually steal something out of y'all's houses if i see that EVER again#'trans men aren't invading manhood!' every time y'all say that i ~invade~ manhood even harder#genuinely saw somebody like 'trans men know they're too weak to go after [cis] manhood' and y'all are so sexist it hurts...#...like y'all really just think women(/anybody you force into womanhood) are INHERENTLY weaker...#...and people wonder why transphobia is so tied to things like racism/antisemitism/white supremacy/so many others...#...because rhetoric like this RELIES and DEPENDS ON people believing in the idea of a lesser class of peoples...#...without the idea that there is a Lesser Class/Less-Than-Human Class these ideas (eg transphobia/homophobia/sexism/rascism) CEASE to exist#scratch a transphobe and a fascist bleeds
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Thinking about Elizabeth Woodville as a gothic heroine is making me go insane. She entered the story by overturning existing social structures, provoking both ire and fascination. She married into a dynasty doomed to eat itself alive. She was repeatedly associated with the supernatural, both in terms of love and death. Her life was shaped entirely by uncanny repetitions - two marriages, two widowhoods, two depositions, two flights to sanctuary, two ultimate reclamations, all paralleling and ricocheting off each other. Her plight after 1483 exposed the true rot at the heart of the monarchy - the trappings of royalty pulled away to reveal nothing, a never-ending cycle of betrayal and war, the price of power being the (literal) blood of children. She lived past the end of her family name, she lived past the end of her myth. She ended her life in a deeply anomalous position, half-in and half-out of royal society. She was both a haunting tragedy and the ultimate survivor who was finally free.
#elizabeth woodville#nobody was doing it like her#I wanted to add more things (eg: propaganda casting her as a transgressive figure and a threat to established orders; the way we'll never#truly Know her as she's been constantly rewritten across history) but ofc neither are unique to her or any other historical woman#my post#wars of the roses#don't reblog these tags but - the thing about Elizabeth is that she kept winning and losing at the same time#She rose higher and fell harder (in 1483-85) than anyone else in the late 15th century#From 1461 she was never ever at lasting peace - her widowhood and the crisis of 1469-71 and the actual terrible nightmare of 1483-85 and#Simnel's rebellion against her family and the fact that her birth family kept dying with her#and then she herself died right around the time yet another Pretender was stirring and threatening her children. That's...A Lot.#Imho Elizabeth was THE adaptor of the Wars of the Roses - she repeatedly found herself in highly anomalous and#unprecedented situations and just had to survive and adjust every single time#But that's just...never talked about when it comes to her#There are so many aspects of her life that are potentially fascinating yet completely unexplored in scholarship or media:#Her official appointment in royal councils; her position as the first Englishwoman post the Norman Conquest to be crowned queen#and what that actually MEANT for her; an actual examination of the propaganda against her; how she both foreshadowed and set a precedent#for Henry VIII's english queens; etc#There hasn't even been a proper reassessment of her role in 1483-85 TILL DATE despite it being one of the most wildly contested#periods in medieval England#lol I guess that's what drew me to Elizabeth in the first place - there's a fundamental lack of interest or acknowledgement in what was#actually happening with her and how it may have affected her. There's SO MUCH we can talk about but historians have repeatedly#stuck to the basics - and even then not well#I guess I have more things to write about on this blog then ((assuming I ever ever find the energy)#also to be clear while the Yorkists did 'eat themselves alive' they also Won - the crisis of 1483-85 was an internal conflict within#the dynasty that was not related to the events that ended in 1471 (which resulted in Edward IV's victory)#Henry Tudor was a figurehead for Edwardian Yorkists who specifically raised him as a claimant and were the ones who supported him#specifically as the husband of Elizabeth of York (swearing him as king only after he publicly swore to marry her)#Richard's defeat at Bosworth had *nothing* to do with 'York VS Lancaster' - it was the victory of one Yorkist faction against another#But yes the traditional line of succession was broken by Richard's betrayal and the male dynastic line was ultimately extinguished.
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finishing my art? never
heres some silly huskerdust sketches i had to dig out of a discord server because i forgot to save the canvases
#hazbin hotel#angel dust hazbin hotel#hazbin hotel angel dust#angel dust#husk#husk hazbin hotel#hazbin hotel husk#huskerdust#angel dust x husk#husk x angel dust#why are these tags so fuckin awful like#way harder than tagging homestuck art wtf#the struggle of having characters with names that are either something else or lame HA#i love that these are genuinely awful sketches and idec im posting them because otherwise no one else will ever see them#theyll also never be finished
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No but Astarion wanting to be valued for more than sex and seen for something that's not just sex regardless of who romances him and Wyll wanting a chaste and genuine romance with sincere and committed courtship with no sex regardless of who romances him is insaneeeeee. I know everyone's talked about this before but everytime I stop to think about it I lose my mind. They couldn't be more narratively bound I'm clawing at the bars of my cage
#I put my lengthy tags in a reblog if you want.#And yes ofc Wyll teaching Astarion compassion and Astarion teaching Wyll to value himself and advocate for himself#Make them perfect for each other#But THIS to me is the nail in the coffin (pun intended) of why they are meant for each other#Wyll would not fall for Astarion's seduction attempts he is the only companion who would not give in to having meaningless sex w him#Or if not meaningless sex then immediate sex ykwim#Likewise Wyll's identity as a monster hunter and a chivalrous champion of the people would make him the prime target of Astarion's whims#Because who better to protect a monster but the monster hunter TURNED INTO A MONSTER himself.#Astarion would jump on the chance to use Wyll's devil transformation to his advantage and Wyll is THE ONLY ONE it wouldn't work on.#Wyll may have fallen first but Astarion fell harder than Elturel when he finally realised Wyll is GENUINELY good#And that he GENUINELY does not want sex and does not love Astarion for the possibility of sex#He asks for a fucking dance. He asks for a fucking dance before he ever even entertains the idea of sex. And he is steadfast about it#And astarion would play along with the romance just until he can get Wyll to help him kill Cazador#But would inevitably fall in love with Wyll along the way no matter what because Wyll is just genuine and chaste no matter what#āWyll is the type of man I used to dream of marrying. When I was 13ā he is doomed to fall for Wyll no matter what and he hates it#wyllstarion#Wyll Ravengard#astarion ancunin#bg3 astarion#bg3 wyll#Bloodpact#Coolest fucking ship name ever also. No one does it like them
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A portrait of Sir John Herschel because Iām normal about Pulp Musicals
#yall donāt understand this took so long- amongst the five different versions this went through it took a total of 22 hours#and itās finally done#god I love sir John Herschel#truly THE guy ever#itās crazy because I started this way back in the beginning of April and finally picked it back up on Wednesday right before they announced#pulp 4 which Iām so fuckin excited about by the way#oh my god itās going to wreck me Iām so pumped#and now I gotta get ready for pulp fortnight#but yeah I really wanted to draw him and I wanted to try something more elaborate that some of my typical stuff#I was going to do the shit where artists do the shading in greyscale and then overlay the flat colors but I decided fuck that#because I like to enjoy drawing and as I found out I DO NOT enjoy that#also for some reason doing realism and drawing curt is SO much harder than what I typically do#it took sooooooo long to get him down and make it actually look like him#oh hey fun fact about this drawing before I do my fun fact- I used a screenshot of Duke as a reference for this#ok now for a real fun fact#fun fact: Asteroids can sometimes have moons and rings of their own#alright now Iāve got a billion other drawings to go work on because the grind never stops yall#sir john herschel#john herschel#pulp musicals#the great moon hoax#the brick satellite#the ghost of the antikythera#Curt mega#my art#god yall I love pulp musicals#Iām so insanely pumped for pulp 4 itās going to be the raddest thing ever#EVERYONE WHO IS READING THIS NEEDS TO GO LISTEN TO PULP MUSICALS PRONTO /nf#PLEASE (its on Apple Music and Spotify)
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I was seeing the comic of Emmets self destructing behavior even after he and Ingo reunited and wowā¦ that implication itās not the first timeā¦
How many times must have this happened? How many times until Ingo knew snapping him out by a gentle hand on his shoulder? What bad habits did Emmet develop while being on his own? With "Ingo" encouraging him to be more healthy? Just so deliciously dark! I love it?
On the other hand how much strain Ingo's body going through when he has his moments he sees "the man in white" his body switches to "life-or-death-mode" receiving a little bruise could cause him to fall into full panic mode and try to treat it like a lethal wound if not for Emmet snapping him out of it and calming him down again.
While both have their moments of seeing their subconscious guardian angel both react differently.
Emmet is apathetic towards "Ingo" dismissing him since heās not even there. He reacts mentally.
Ingoās whole body could react to small bruises and injuries like they could kill him and depending on his support to get through it. He reacts with his whole body.
Also when Ingoās aware heās probably insecure about all the scars heās got on him now. How many times he almost diedā¦ he doesnāt want the real Emmet to know. Itās bad enough that "the man in white knows"ā¦
YES YES!!! This analysis is so perfect!!! If you'd allow me to ramble a bit...
Emmet's self destructive tendencies have been going on for a while since Ingo's disappearance. He has his Elesa and his depot agents to support him/remind him to not truly forget about himself (Elesa trying to take more time off from her job to check on Emmet/invite him out to lunch to make sure he eats, the veteran depot agents frequently checking up on him during the day/encouraging him take more breaks/interrupting his smoke breaks "accidentally", ect) but it's been hard to say the least. It will take some time for these habits to truly go away even with Ingo back, especially on his bad days.
BUT ALSO YEAH! Ingo! If Emmet appears at the corner of his eye suddenly or he sees him from a distance (any sort of blurred visage - as the man in white always appeared as) he might have a knee jerk response - a sudden urge to run or seek safety - but ultimately it won't be too serious.
His body reacts the most drastically when he is already in a state of injury and Emmet is within eyesight. Elevated heart rate, shortness of breathe, blurred vision, body tremors: his adrenaline levels will spike to an unnatural level causing a ton of stress on the body, since his mind is basically telling his body that he's on the brink of death. The quickest way to calm him down if it were to get this bad would be to have Emmet out of his sight until he can calm down...Not very ideal when the source of one's panic works the same job as you, in a work environment where slight injuries aren't too uncommon
#emmet would try to calm him down if he were to have an episode and it might even work since emmet is pretty good at reorienting him and#helping him focus on where he is and that he is safe but he might also make it worse and cause him to panic harder! :D#and ok this answer is already super long but lastl i think ingo would try to hide his scars once he sees how worried emmet is about him#when he returns like emmet is already worrying about the fact he was sent back in time where pokemon actively try to attack you. he doesnt#want to make him worry about the injuries he's already gotten too#physical or mental#i already hc that out of the two ingo is usually the one to dress more conservatively#like long sleeves and long pants or skirts but after hisui even more so#tho i would think his fashion would also factor in maneuverability and motility now more than ever#BUT YEAH IM RAMBLING NOW LMAO#subconscious guardian angel au#long post#ask#angst
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Head empty. Just them.
#your dear daddy the series#your dear daddy#I'm gonna swoon harder for Fluke than I've ever swooned before#kissing another man's leg like that!#what about my sanity?!
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Snoopy #4
5/10/2024
#peanuts#snoopy#art#woodstock#4#well at least there's a beautiful sunset to watch while they freak out about the trajectory of their lives!#actually i put a sunset there bc they're running out of time :(#they're not even watching the sunset#realised halfway through drawing this that i don't think i've ever drawn a sunset before. the colours were way harder to pick than expected#and the sunset in the end still looks kinda ugly and sloppy but i like it well enough because i don't think anything has to look good <3#not included: the shadows and sunset reflection on the wall that i started doing before i realised i know nothing about lighting#i think i'm more at ease drawing woodstock now though. YAY!#this drawing is brought to you by the 'what am i doing with my life' crisis that i have every weekend (NOT FUN!)
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makes me want to die a little bit how getting cosmetic surgery/filler/botox is constantly getting pushed as some act of female empowerment
#every time a woman is like yeah I'm not doing that i don't like it#it's always 'but let's not shame women who do! it's their choice! it's the best decision i ever made! i did it for my confidence!'#people will go harder to defend a woman's right to botox than to like. abortion or equal pay#talking
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hello fellow shades. hades 2 nation. free icarus reminder for the night: not only did he burn, he drowned after. maybe it's just my experience with dying via drowningĀ¹ but i think we should play in that particular space more.
melis not the sun, and she's never going to be. she's not the moon beat for beat either. shes the beautiful distorted reflection of the moon on churning powerful waves, shifting, a bright spot in an almost perfect void. and when you fall (and you will fall) its going to hurt, that impact, the water filling your lungs, the weightlessness disorienting, but you look for it, that reflection, that fixed point...
cough. anyway, how we feelin' tonight. we good?
#hades 2#hades 2 spoilers#icarus#waxwitch#Ā¹clearly that death didn't stick. word to the wise: respect the ocean or she'll Make You#anyway im normal. so normal. dont look at my drafts. im the most normal person that's ever lived actually#the problem of course with the moon is that she's harder to see. she's so dim in comparison but you look anyway#brightness doesnt make one less beautiful. and the moon reflected in the waves that she herself tugs on. her influence her pull-#its about swallowing btw. to be so full of it that the sensation burns. to burn inside and out. to be entirely overwhelmed.#its about being unable to stop yourself from breathing it in. if you care. that painful gasp when you hit the water full force#if you hit water hard enough itll feel like concrete. do you ever wonder if the water hurt more than the wax#the wax left its mark sure. twisted and burned. scars left upon flesh#but do you remember how to breathe after the airs been ripped out from the fall and replaced with choking saltwater#the merciless glittering sea. salty. the sound of it once a comfort now lost to you as you flail in it#normal normal normal normal normal-
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