#like…im not a doctor…but a diagnoses might be there for something

[nico-di-genova]

I have more Rossi lore :)

Lost to James at a cornhole game one time, and proceeded to order professional cornhole gear with the correct dimensions and everything so he could practice properly, and thus ensure he would remain the number one victor at all times for the rest of time. Joked about going pro, but I don’t think it was fully a joke tbh, he probably fully thinks he could.

Was once denied entry to a steakhouse in Detroit, despite the fact he had reservations. Says he “pulled up in an Audi (weird flex but okay) in dark wash jeans and a sweater” and was told he couldn’t come in because he didn’t have a collared shirt. Later, three of his friends sent him photos eating at this same steakhouse. They were t-shirts and sneakers.

Alex “loves to sleep in” according to James. Didn’t want to wake up early to care for his plants so he spent a (assumedly substantial) undisclosed amount of money on an electric controller that takes care of his plants and comes on at 5:30 in the morning. You will not catch him missing out on his beauty sleep apparently.

Doesn’t like when people are bubbly and talkative at restaurants, hostesses and waiters specifically. Being social stresses him out, he doesn’t like it, don’t try to talk to James about ketchup while Alex is trying to order a Diet Coke, he will become annoyed and stressed because he “waited his turn” to speak and things aren’t going right. Clearly he prescribes to rigid social cues and structures and is thus annoyed when these are not followed. Don’t piss him off, don’t be nice apparently, this is a serious problem for him. (He’s so real for this tbh. I too become stressed annoyed and overwhelmed when waiters are overly talkative and I no longer have an established script to follow. Not their fault to be clear, I just don’t know how to process that.)

Went nonverbal once at the start of a podcast episode and was asked by James “is this a no talking day”. Alex was too involved in eating his gold fish to give more than one word answers. (Also relatable.)

Also, this whole interaction between him and Tim:

Tim: I’m over at Alex’s and he’s struggling to open this one package. He stops in the middle of opening the box, and he just looks out the window and goes, “I need to trim my roses”. And then he just- he returns to the- he gets the box open and then doesn’t even take time to put shoes on, goes out in his socks and trims his roses. Like, we were in the middle of a conversation…

Alex: the reason why- I was using my rose scissors to open the package, so it reminded me.

He’s too relatable I fear. Antisocial, frequently nonverbal, easily sidetracked king.

[sollucets]

hi everyone :’) i havent been on tumblr much lately because i am 1) not watching anything and 2) still dealing with the effects of a bunch of fun medical stuff! i am doing ok but my body hates me so so so much lately. i have the energy and ability(?) to do only a few very specific things right now (play elden ring, let youtube forcefeed me kpop videos, languish) and that does not include watch show or make gif or even write no matter how much i might want to. so. this is how it is haha. miss u guys

[xoshepard]

i've been walking on the treadmill every day this week thanks to my brain currently doesn't hate me and being remote makes it much easier to do shit that's not working and commuting, and i actually jogged last night and it felt good and i wasn't forcing myself i just wanted to... finally back to 2016-2017 tahirah who was motivated enough to get up and jog every morning

[letthebookbegin]

.

[asteraceaye]

Why is it so fucking hard to get evaluated for dyslexia

[girl-bateman]

Blood-work came back fine which either means I really do have a mysterious deadly illness OR its my mental health that's fucking up my physical health. Now my dilemma for my upcoming appointment .. do I mention how neurotically devastated I've been feeling these last months, knowing the doctor might be relieved to blame it all on hysteria instead of doing more testing ? Or do I just... not say anything about that.. lol

[catmask]

if it's not too intrusive, would you be comfortable talking about your experiences with OCD and maybe what made you seek a diagnosis?

idm it might help other people. i mean disclaimer not to use this as a diagnostic tool but if this sounds like u and u got a doc to talk to its worth bringing up

i think an important place to start and why i didnt think i had ocd is i am 1) autistic 2) a csa victim. this is pertinent because all of the things that actually lead me to get diagnosed with ocd i just kept dismissing as parts of those two other things. thinking 'surely this is all thats up there cant be anything else wrong with me' (<- thoughts of a clown)

the trouble with this is that coping skills id found for parts of both autism and csa trauma weren't working with things i later found out were related to ocd. so like, for example. frequently having intrusive thoughts about csa/sex trauma, i was told that if im experiencing a flashback the best thing i can do is try to ground myself and comfort myself. and yeah this is true, it would work if a flashback is all it was. but what it DIDNT account for is the guilt/dirty feeling id get after having them and the obsessive need to be 'clean' after.

and this trickled into hundreds of aspects of my life. 'cleaness' has always been such a vague unattainable concept unmedicated for ocd. if some things touch other things theyd become 'unclean'. if a person i felt uncomfortable around touched me or something it became 'unclean'. there were 'good' and 'bad' thoughts to have. i was constantly existing as if my presence was being monitored 24/7.

i could not fucking relax because every action i took, regardless of whether or not i was in private, i was constantly thinkin 'am i doing something wrong? am i hurting someone by doing this? am i breaking any rules?' and the 'bad thing' i was doing was like. i missed my boyfriend while he was at work. or i was going over former scenarios in which i was socially awkward in my head and wondering if i should be dead for doing that.

part of why i dismissed this as autism ofc too is yknow. being autistic i often missed social queues as a kid and was pretty brutally punished for it (physically by my parents, emotionally and socially by peers) so i was like yeah its Normal and Realsitic id have super intense fear about 'am i secretly doing something bad and dont realzie it because no one will fucking tell me until ive already done it and its too late and then i deserve all the punishment i get' but where my loved ones stepped in and were like Hey thats Not really normal. is where it waslike. other autistic people going 'brother i dont do that'

so yeah. it was like. kind of rule of elimination? the problems that wrrent getting solved by coping skills for the Other problems i Knew i had, i isolated those leftover things and my doctor was like 'this sounds like you have ocd. do you do this too' and listed out like 60 other things i didnt consider symptoms i just considered 'funny quirks' i had, like crying so hard id throw up if i couldnt get a blanket to lie perfectly flat during a picnic when i was 8 or thinking i was going to hell and my stuffed animals could feel pain so i would apologize to them iver and over while crying when they fell off the bed

you know. 'quirks'

[copperbadge]

How did you find the doctor(s) who assessed you for ADHD? Im looking into the process of getting diagnosed because (although ive suspected I might have adhd for years now) I've been struggling a lot more lately and i want to try medication to see if it helps at all. Im trying to search for psychiatrists through my health insurance portal but the the results im getting are all for child/adolescent psychiatry specialists, and I dont think that'll be much help for an adult adhd assessment? Did you have an established therapist to refer you for your assessment or were you able to find a psychiatrist independently?

I actually just kind of had to freeform it, but that does mean I have some tips to share!

I will say, I have never once used a health insurance portal to find someone to treat me for anything. Often their search engine is fucked up and the information is sometimes out of date. I almost always either ask someone who I know has had similar issues if they have a recommendation, ask my treating physician if I have one, or just google until I find someone reputable-looking; any qualified medical center or professional will list what insurance they take anyway, and you can always ask when you make the appointment.

So here's the process for how to do that!

When I was first considering it, I asked a friend who'd had an evaluation that came back not-ADHD, which I liked because it meant we knew it wasn't like, a weird Adderall pill mill or something. I really wanted to have a professional and thorough evaluation because I knew myself and knew I was capable of gaming a questionnaire. The place she had her evaluation was unfortunately having some staffing issues; part of the reason it took me so long is that I played phone tag with them for ages -- I'd call, and regardless of what time of day I called, their scheduler would be "out", so I'd leave a message and never get a call back. Ultimately I said "I really need to talk to a human, because your scheduler has not returned any of my numerous calls" and they said they could transfer me to another office outside of Chicago (in the burbs). That was not going to be accessible to me, so I told them thanks but I'll go somewhere else. Then COVID hit and I was not going to go anywhere near a medical center unless I had to for about two years.

So, when I was making my second serious run at getting evaluated, I did what might be expected of me by longtime readers of this blog: I made a spreadsheet.

I want to caveat this up top with REALLY IMPORTANT CONTEXT: I did not do all of this in a single day. The process from starting research to making an evaluation appointment took about a month, and probably would have taken longer if I wasn't getting somewhat desperate. Do not push yourself to do this as a single act. Research alone is a multi-day process; some days I looked at the open tabs and only entered one tab's worth of information. It took me quite a bit of time to write the form email I sent inquiring about an assessment. It took me time to call the clinic back when they asked me to call to book the appointment. This is a series of steps, not a single leap.

So!

I was looking for a clinic rather than an individual, in part because I'd heard a couple of horror stories about people who went to a psychiatrist and just got argued with for an hour instead of actually getting evaluated. So I googled, and here are some key terms for you, chicago adult adhd assessment. Chicago obviously for the region, but "adult adhd" (putting it in quotes will help) is the important term that will help you filter out a lot of child psych stuff. A lot of what I looked at did included family or child assessment/therapy but were clear that they also evaluated adults.

Then I went through every legit-looking search result and noted down, in my spreadsheet, the name of the clinic/company, the contact phone and email, the URL, the physical location (I needed to be able to get to it fairly easily) and whether they took my insurance. Even if they didn't take my insurance (all but one did) I still put them into the spreadsheet so that if I found them again I could check the sheet and know I didn't need to investigate further. I also tended to bump more legitimate and friendly-looking places to the top of the sheet. And if I were going to do it again I would also look for one specific thing, which is an assessment guide of some kind.

The assessment guide may be something they only give you after you speak with them, so it's not a no-go if they don't have one on their website, but it basically tells you what generally will go on during the assessment, how long it will take, and what you should bring. A full assessment like I had is estimated to take 4-6 hours and they recommended I wear layers so I wouldn't be overly cold/warm in their office, and to bring a snack. That's the kind of information you want, duration of the assessment and what they recommend for you, to ensure that you're working with people who are thorough and care about your comfort.

So, I have this spreadsheet now of places to reach out to, which I know take my insurance and do adult assessment. In the spreadsheet I also had columns for what date I contacted them and whether they'd responded. I started reaching out via email, one per day, with the form email I'd written.

The form email basically said "I'm 42 with no previous diagnosis but I have a family history of autism and dyslexia. I've been told I should get assessed for ADHD, so I'm looking for a clinic that will do the assessment and takes (my insurance). I prefer to be contacted by email but if need be, my phone number is (phone number). Please let me know if you have any open appointments and what information you will need from me to book an evaluation with you." (You can always ask for more information about the actual evaluation process once they respond.)

If I didn't get a response within 24 hours, I moved on to the next, but I only greyed out the text in that line of the spreadsheet; I didn't disqualify/remove the nonresponsive ones because again, I wanted to make sure I kept that information in case they eventually did respond. I did this with about ten clinics, because I figured I must be able to find at least one in ten who could do the eval, and I could go back and research more if necessary.

I think the third or fourth one I reached out to was the first to respond, and I ended up going with them; I had a very positive experience in the assessment itself but it was a real pain in the ass getting the documentation from them -- they took about a month to go through the evaluation data (this is not abnormal but is rather longer than usual according to my psychiatrist) and they gave me an in-person-by-zoom report once it was ready. That said, it took another four months and the threat of reporting them to the state to get them to send me the text of the eval (in part because the evaluator left the clinic unexpectedly with my formal report not yet written). But that's something that's truly impossible to know until you're working with them, and highly unusual, so don't let concerns about that deter you. If you end up in that situation come hit me up and I'll tell you how I dealt with that.

My eval recommended an executive function coach, but if I haven't been able to func it by now I never will, so I thanked them for the recommendation and went looking for a psychiatrist unaffiliated with the clinic to prescribe me meds. There, the key words you're going to be looking for are again "adult adhd" but also "adult disability" and if you want medication that's less likely to be a huge fucking hassle, "medication management". My psychiatrist and I meet every two months to reup my prescription, but he doesn't require me to take a regular drug test or meet him in person in order to get a new scrip, as some people have encountered. We meet in person once or twice a year (I can't remember, it's due to a legal requirement in Illinois) but otherwise it's over zoom.

So yeah -- it's a process, but there are ways to streamline and manage it, and a few tripwires in place to make sure you don't end up screwed by the system. Definitely feel free to ask if you have questions, either here or if you want a more indepth conversation you can email me at copperbadge@gmail.com. GOOD LUCK!

[certifiedsexed]

Im a trans woman, im 18. I get periods.

Ive been on estrogen since I was 16, 2 years and three months... and my cramps are debilitating. I turn suicidal for a week every month and i sometimes throw up from the stinging/dull pain combo. there is bloating, severe depression, mood swings and extreme dysphoria.

My endocrinologist said that i should beware because my brain is decepting me and that can hinder meaningful conversation in my last meetup a month ago. i swear that im not making this up.

painkillers dont even work on my third/fourth day (i start counting the first day from when i get depressed, the other symptoms start the next day, and there is alot of sharp, radiating cramps, headache and other shittery the third day)

what should i do? am i really such a fraudster? i cant keep going on like this. its reducing my quality of life. is it really possible for me to have this much pain at a 26-27 day cycle??

So, I don't say this lightly: your endocrinologist should go to to hell! You're not a fraud and your brain isn't "deceiving" you. Those are literal textbook symptoms of something like PMDD and it's actually vile of him to straight-up diminish your symptoms and do nothing about it.

My first suggestion is get a different endocrinologist, if you can. That person is committing medical neglect against you and its loaded with medical trans/misogyny. If you can, you do not want to have to continue dealing with that.

Secondly, I want to suggest you try to find an OB/GYN. You have a few choices for dealing with it. If your AGAB is on file, it might be hard to find one that will take you, especially depending on where you live.

If you AGAB is not on file, it'll be easier to get in but medical misogyny, coupled with medical transmisogyny/transphobia is going to make getting help harder.

This does not mean you're faking it or that it's not worth trying [speaking as someone who cannot get diagnosed partially because of bigotry!], it just means people are bigoted assholes sometimes.

You might have to try numerous doctors. I cannot emphasis this enough: if you can, take someone with you! Doctors WILL treat you better.

Sometimes even going to the ER when you're experiencing these symptoms to have them run tests to narrow-down what disability you're dealing with can help. But do not let your endocrinologist force you into believing that the pain you're living with is normal or okay.

I'm not sure if this helps but I hope so, Anon! Let me know if you have any other questions or need anything else, fr. <3333

If anyone else has info that might help Anon, please add on in comments, reblogs and/or asks. Thank you.

[olderthannetfic]

Oh great, everyone is all in on the ~all the kids who think they have DID are wrroooong~ thing.

Im sorry but none of you saying that are helping the community or plural folks as a whole. Even if you are also a system or have a CDD.

For DID *alone* the barrier to diagnosis is very high- arguably as high as Autism and according to one study it takes an average of 10 years in therapy to be diagnosed because so many doctors are ill-informed or refuse to diagnose it/believe it exists despite all the evidence due to the shadow of the satanic panic. The goddamn REASON people are diagnosed in their 30s and 40s isnt because you *need* to wait that long its because they look for horses before zebras and refuse to do anything else most of the time and fuck us over!!! Many of us report symptoms -the same fucking symptoms- since teen&young adult age or earlier!!!

The diagnosis has many of the same drawbacks of any other major diagnosis like autism and schizospec stuff where you can lose custody of children or the ability to adopt, face unofficial discrimination from doctors or employers or people you try to get accommodations from with it, and could even have your drivers license taken away or have to jump through hoops to keep it- and more issues!

Pursuing a paper diagnosis is not for everyone and the plural community for decades has been built on this- even before the exclusion criteria were added to the DSM and ICD that kicked a huge chunk of us of us off even getting one despite being systems (which is a good thing to be clear! If its not impairing or distressing it shouldnt be pathologized!). We have folk therapy and dyi resources and we have a lot of them for a reason.

And thats not even getting into how therapy has historically severely abused our community and how the only accepted treatment path is pursuing the fusion into one person (which has a hilariously low success rate that for anything else wouldnt be accepted as a vaild treatment) and not everyone wants that or is helped by that.

Most of us are never going to be ABLE see useful therapy or a paper dx, so we use the community to find resources and community and it FUCKING WORKS. We built our community with our own blood, sweat, and tears because no one else could or would fucking help us. And it WORKS.

Attacking these people who self-dx ONLY ever causes splash damage on the very people this kind of behavior claims to protect.

And like. If someone reports an autonomous entity that talks in their mind and takes over their body sometimes its... rather obvious they belong in the 'having an autonomous entity that talks in your mind and takes over your body sometimes' community regardless of anything else. NB4 people say psychosis; Schneiderian First-Rank symptoms are actually more indicative of DID than schizophrenia in this manner according to studies- but schizospec people with persistent personlike voices are known to benefit from the same exercises you'd do if they were ''''real'''' alters and are included in the plural community anyway (which btw doesnt require a dx- calling yourself plural or a system is not self diagnosing its an identity label the community created OUTSIDE of diagnosis criteria FOR this very purpose of self-ID).

While yes, we would agree many people say DID For Sure when they might want to hesitate there- we do NOT doubt they are plural. We just wonder if they were told the ONLY way they could be plural/a system is through DID and that is why they are saying they have it. Which... yeah thats not so great. HOWEVER informed self-dx is fine provided they havent been fed that kind of misinformation.

The solution there though is to just spread the real information about the breadth of plural experiences and people will feel less pressured. Simple as that.

Never EVER telling them its really just something else, you dont know yourself- you cant know something that extreme when something that extreme is EASIER to tell tbh because its such a unique and intense experience.

--

[intersex-support]

hi! Im uhm kinda questioning if I might be intersex? I have hyperandrogenism and clitoromegaly as diagnosed conditions, but my doctors say they come from a genetic complication from my diabetes. I have a rare genetic mutation, which means I don't have type 1 or 2 type diabetes, but rather type A insulin resistant diabetes. Im not sure if that would mean I can't be intersex because I've only seen things about PCOS so far, but the term intersex comes up when ever i search up my conditions. I was assigned afab and seemed totally normal until puberty and started growing facial hair. It's not a lot but its noticeable. I just wanted to see if the term intersex may applie to me? Sorry if this seems like a dumb question.

Hi anon! It's not a dumb question.

So, I wasn't familiar with Type A insulin resistance before this question, but I did some research to become more familiar with it. And based on everything I learned, I do think that this is a diagnosis that could be considered an intersex variation. Like you shared, it causes hyperandrogenism and clitoromegaly, which are often intersex traits.

I like InterACT's definition of intersex: "a variation that:

shows up in a person’s chromosomes, genitals, gonads or other internal reproductive organs, or how their body produces or responds to hormones;

Differs from what society or medicine considers to be “typical” or “standard” for the development, appearance, or function of female bodies or male bodies; and

Is present from birth or develops spontaneously later in life."

I think that insulin resistance A would meet all those criteria: it's a variation in how your body produces or responds to hormones that differs from what society considers "standard" sex traits for those assigned female at birth, in a way that might bring stigma or discrimination, and it is a lifelong variation, not something temporarily caused by medication or something like a tumor. Insulin resistance A isn't usually listed on intersex variation lists, but I honestly think that's because it's rare enough that orgs just aren't aware of it, and hadn't thought to research it because diabetes in general isn't an intersex variation.

Ultimately, I think it's up to you--if you don't feel comfortable identifying as intersex you don't have to, but in my opinion, you're welcome to identify as intersex, and I think you'd find a lot of shared community with other intersex people who might experience similar symptoms or life experiences. If you wanted to start exploring intersex community spaces, I think you'd find a lot of people who would accept you. Your journey is your own journey and there's no timeline or pressure to do anything, but you absolutely would count as intersex from my perspective.

Please feel free to reach out if you have any other questions, and wishing you the best of luck, anon!

[etherealspacejelly]

ok really hoping someone can help me out with this because its a bit weird. first of all, important data:

ok heres the deal. for most of my life, every time i have walked or stood up for more than 20-30 minutes, my feet hurt. not uncomfortable, PAINFUL. like pressing on a bruise painful. if i walk/stand for more than 3-4 hours its a SHARP pain like blisters, except there are no blisters and none form later (unless my shoes were rubbing or something, which if im wearing my usual trainers they dont)

I always thought this was normal and that everyone just grits their teeth through pain to do fun stuff like go to a zoo or a museum or a theme park. but i told my dad about it recently after a day out and he was like "what the fuck go to a doctor thats not normal my feet only feel uncomfortable right now they dont Hurt"

so i want to know how common this is. does anyone else get this? and what might be causing it?

information that may or may not be significant, just including it in case any of it is relevant to a condition i havent heard of:

i am diagnosed with adhd and working on an autism diagnosis

i am hypermobile (not diagnosed yet but. my neck and arms definitely hyper extend, and ive been able to touch the floor without bending my knees my whole life without stretching regularly, so i know i am)

my hands swell up in extreme temperatures. expecially if im exercising at the same time. i used to have to get other people to do up my shirt buttons after PE in school because i couldnt bend my fingers enough to do them myself

i bruise very easily. my brother likes to poke and prod me to get on my nerves and if he pokes just a little too hard, i bruise. also scratching my leg through my trousers causes me to bruise

i get friction pains on my hands if im doing something like carrying a heavy bag with a cloth handle or opening a tight jar

i have very dry skin and suffered from excema as a child/teenager

i have been looking into EDS and i think i might have hEDS, so idk if any of this is related to that. my dad also thought the foot pain might be an autism sensory issues thing?

if anyone can relate to any of this please tell me about your experiences and what causes it because that would be super helpful

thank you

[wishful-seeker]

Being disabled means speaking to doctors and nurses like you are defending yourself against a crime in a courtroom

Im seeing an old rheumatologist tomorrow about me having possibly having behcets, a disease my mom has and we have the same symptoms.

But his nurse called and said he "already tested for that" which is a lie!

There is no test for behcets, like crps its diagnosed through symptoms, not tests. What he's talking about is before my crps was diagnosed with thought it might be behcets so he did a blood test called HLA-B51 testing for something in the blood that may suggest behcets but that shows up even if you don't have behcets and people with behcets can still not have it, so not a definitive test.

I said this to the nurse and she very passively aggressively said "where did you get that information? :)" i said "my mother who has behcets and mayo clinic."

She put me on hold for a minute then came back "that is the teat he usually does for behcets and he did for you, but like i said you already discussed this issue with him about your disease." I said "NO, HE DID NOT. You are referring to my CRPS which i thought was behcets, im asking him to look at a COMPLETELY NEW illness with NEW SYMPTOMS." And again, with a passive aggressive attitude said "okay..."

So im seeing him tomorrow.

Why do i have to fucking fight for my life like this.

[spectrumgarden]

I keep thinking about how no one seems to think about nuance when it comes to like, the concept of "autistic traits / symptoms" and discussing them, and how that is intertwined with the push to not consider it a disability. And its complex to discuss, but here's my convoluted thoughts. I know it's long but I hope people will take the time to read it.

There are in fact people who do fit some commonly associated with autism traits that are not impaired by them. Let's make up a guy, for a second:

They like routine and repetition a lot but easily handle change in them. For example they wear the same set of clothes for years with no desire to ever branch out, but if you made them wear something else they wouldnt really be bothered by it as long as they dont think it's super ugly, etc. They like to watch the same movies over and over but happily agree to watch other things with their friends when spending time together, and are engaged and interested in those movies. Etc. They speak very formally or choose "complicated" words for things that could be expressed easier. They however do not face problems with communication beyond annoyance of others because they're able to rephrase things easily to be understood, and they also have a normal back and forth in conversations and initiate conversations normally. They sometimes engage in subtle self stimulating behaviors and recognize the desire to do so during boring or stress inducing times (which pretty much everyone does, btw). They dislike loud environments but do not respond with melt- or shutdowns or any other "severe" reactions, and while for example preferring to go to a museum over a club, they easily go through their daily life in busy areas like city centers, shops or cultural events like parades without issues beyond like, mild annoyance and no desire to stay for longer than necessary. They have strong interests in seemingly random topics and spend quite some time researching or engaging with those, but they do not view the world through the lense of said interest, they do not neglect caring for themselves or fulfilling academic or professional responsibilities because they are so engrossed in their interests, they are easily able to hold conversations about other topics. I could go on.

This person would not be diagnosed with autism by any doctor who pays attention to the impairment clause of the diagnosis. They would probably be told "you're subclinical / you do not meet enough criteria / ..." While his person would probably relate quite a bit to (parts of) descriptions of (level 1 and / or low support needs and / or high masking) autism. And this is an imaginary person I made up, but these people obviously exist (and as a side note, are probably what people refer to when they talk about "everyone being a little autistic" etc)

And this person being told they're not autistic might be upset. Because clearly, they have so many autistic traits. They relate to so many videos! But the thing is! There is no impairment! The one thing that connects all of the symptoms related to autism to the actual diagnosis. This does not mean they do not in fact relate to the autistic experience. This does not mean these parts of their life or personality are fake / non existent / not important to who they are and how they experience things. But it is important to differentiate. If they consider themselves autistic, if the world considers them autistic, it waters down the definition to a point of being categorically useless from a medical standpoint, from a standpoint of figuring out who needs support and in what ways. Who needs (early) intervention, who needs extra support in school or at work or at home or in public.

And like. Humanity at large will probably always want to shove themselves into random categories. "Which character are you like?" "What is your personality style?" "What is your star sign?" or "which sports team do you support", and countless more come to mind. I dont think this imaginary person is wrong or silly for wanting to find a category of people they are like, or recognizing this similarity with some autistic people. I wouldnt even mind if they made up a non-clinical category / group of people who relate to autistic experiences without the impairment. It would get the point across that it is a group of people with shared experiences, but it is not the same as autism.

However autism is increasingly treated like something thats just a personality type without impairment, by people online and offline. And when they go "this is an autism symptom" without nuance, without looking at the need for impairment, or even differential diagnosis, it spreads that attitude. "Liking to eat the same foods is an autistic trait"... or is it normal to have food preferences to a degree if it does not cause you stress to eat new foods, if you are capable of eating other food if hungry and presented with them and not the food you prefer? Or is this person anorexic and their mind has created categories of "allowed to eat" and "not allowed to eat" based on arbitrary categories relating to their fear of weight gain? "Only eating with small spoons at home is a common autistic trait"... or is it a harmless preference as long as you are still able to eat food outside a strict routine set up with zero possible deviations? Or is it a person with OCD and eating with small spoons is a compulsive behavior for some sort of intrusive thoughts?

I could go on forever. But in the end, these short sentences are all the same. They are, at the same time: autistic experiences and allistic experiences, because they are so non specific. They are watered down and any additional information is removed.

autism is about a specific combination of experiences that impair you. That's literally all it is. It does not automatically turn us into a category of "other" that is fully not possible to relate to, because we are human too. And some of it will be relatable to people that are not autistic!

And there is value in discussions of experiences of autistic people that go beyond the impairment, as long as we do not forget about it, or treat it as secondary instead of the defining factor. I dont mind if autistic people bond over something they're not impaired by, that they see as a common experience, for example not easily going along with authority. Being creative. Preferring the small spoon (without being impaired by it while having other impairments), whatever, and call those common autistic experiences. But those are not the pillars of what make up autism and solely relating to them should not be your reason for calling yourself autistic. Neither should relating to commonly impairing symptoms without being impaired by your version of them. The impairments resulting from abnormal development are what makes someone autistic.

There needs to be more nuance, detail, when discussing autism symptoms. And the push to, at the very least, expand autism into an area of experiences that do not cause impairment of any kind, or worse claim it never caused impairment, need to stop. It does not help anyone.

I genuinely think part of the whole "everyone is autistic these days" crowd who likes to go after people and invalidate them has picked up on some of this, but they lack the skills to criticize it for what it actually is and / or they want there to be a simple solution, which is that everyone who calls themselves autistic online who does not fit their very stereotypical view is faking. They are wrong of course. But I dont think this comes out of nowhere. There is something to criticize about how autism is treated in many circles, especially among younger people.

I'm really not sure how to end this post because I like to come to some conclusions on my long posts but just. Uhm. The way some people treat "autistic traits" as completely unrelated to the impairment they cause while staying exclusively autistic traits is wrong. The way people try to redefine autism is harmful and in the end not needed because they could simply invent other words for that experience.

[auschizm]

this is an offensive symptom to have but its real and i promise it isnt a troll, just hear me out: i haven't had a chance to talk to a doctor about this because of our economic situation, but i have a symptom where the n word plays in my head whenever i see a human or animal with dark pigmentation, not just black people but also dogs at the dog park for example

for context im a 19F afab european-american woman. and i don't know what to do about this because a few weeks ago on my birthday i was just sitting there at a restaurant on a busy day, and i was sitting by the entrance to charge my phone while a lot of mostly black people walked in and out, and i received the n word playing in my head a few hundred times and there was nothing i could do about it. I'm not racist i just have this recurring involuntary duosyllabic thought that i can't control.

this could be related to ocd or it could be some other type of coprolalia thoughts. but i also have thoughts multiple times a day saying "i am going to k*** m*s***", which i know I'm not going to do, it just gets really annoying and recently I interrupt those thoughts by thinking SHUT UP SHUT UP DON'T SAY THAT or something which certainly feels like I'm "going crazy" or something but i don't know what's wrong with me. (both of these have happened since around autumn/winter of 2023.)

i told my mom about this and she knows, we just haven't had a chance to talk to a doctor because we are moving to a different house. I've been diagnosed with autism and ADHD, and i was given a GAD diagnosis in January 2023 with the doctor saying i had some ocdspec traits of obsessive compulsiveness, tics, dissociation, and i forgot what else he mentioned but maybe the fact that i stutter? (i dont know what he meant by tics, back then i just made noises when lost in thought or typing things, and i used to have echolalia when i was 5 or something, this was before the current symptoms) i have no way of knowing right now if this is my Super Mega Autism (autism/adhd/anxiety + ocdspec traits) or if it's an ocdspec disorder if i am developing schizophrenia or schizotypal or something. and I'm not asking for a diagnosis or anything i just want to know what your thoughts are on the symptom situation because it's weird and i don't want to publicly post about it.

(and another thing, sometimes when I'm alone i stim by saying "vinegar vinegar vinegar" or Something Else if you know what i mean, and it might be controversial to have coprolalia-related stims, but my head/face feels warm and electric and i say it to calm down and feel normal again which is not something i feel comfortable telling a doctor about. I have a stutter affecting my speech, but i don't completely "involuntarily speak" offensive things, i just involuntarily think KMS and the N word on a consistent basis without variation in the symptoms besides them getting worse, and sometimes get a strong urge to say "vinegar" or just the last 2 syllables of vinegar, which sounds terrible but i think it's similar to coprolalia and i only do it when alone where nobody can hear me.) again this might sound fake or like a troll ask but i promise it isn't. what are your thoughts on this? again im not asking for a diagnosis i just need somewhere to anonymously talk about this.

1) Obsessive compulsive thinking is not fully within your control and does not reflect your actual desires or character. The best way to manage it is actually to stop moralizing it and to focus your attention on what actually leaves your head. 2) Of course no mental disorder excuses acting in racist and otherwise bigoted ways, but things happening exclusively inside your head can't hurt anyone but yourself

[otherentrance]

um. an analysis of martha & ten in s3e1 of doctor who or whatever

now when it comes to the tenth doctor's companions you only really hear about rose and donna. and that's great, that makes a lot of sense, i get it. but that meant i really had nothing to go off of with the introduction of martha jones in series 3 & setting aside the fact that i immediately loved her, it really struck me just how calculated the doctor was in that first episode in regard to letting her on

i think its fascinating actually, because in "The Runaway Bride" (the christmas special between series 2 & 3) the doctor had just lost rose. like it went: "Rose Tyler, i love you" *30 seconds later, Donna has entered the chat* "Who the hell are you?" so it makes sense that he's super out of it that whole special

a new end of world crisis is thrown on him, a new person is thrown in his life, & its all happening before he's had time to process the end of "Doomsday". by the end of the special i didnt get why donna didnt go with him, but i get it now

it was all just so much so fast. unfortunately, i dont think we know how much time has passed between The Runaway Bride & Smith and Jones, but he's apparently had enough time to settle two things:

despite his protests, there's no avoiding what donna made him promise. "find someone", "i dont need anyone", "yes you do. because sometimes i think you need someone to stop you.", "yeah"

the fashion in which he wants to go about finding said someone

ok

in that first scene martha and the doctor have together, where the doctor is pretending to be a patient, right off the bat he's got this cheery neutrality to all the doctors-in-training crowding his bed. martha just happens to be the one called up to diagnose him, and he seems to like the way she reacts to finding out he's got two hearts

its interesting, she just takes it calmly, no freaking out or even mentioning it. this is a pattern with martha, she just accepts whatever situation shes in and rolls with it. and the doctor's got this look on his face when he looks at her in that first scene, neutral smile, raised eyebrows, he's curious he's probing the waters he's trying to figure her out

right off the bat, the doctor is curious as to what sort of person martha is. & i dont have the background of how he met rose (because im not watching doctor who in order) but im assuming, based on how it ended, that everything about her sort of happened to him. like she just burst into his life, blinding, and they crashed into each other

so it makes sense, indeed its incredibly human of him, to take the exact opposite approach with a new companion. he doesnt want to fall apart like he did for rose, so he's going in all experimental and curious neutrality and its fascinating because he's not even emotionally distant!

right, ten's emotions are something that gets talked about a lot, about how buried they are. its funny, ten is telling martha who he is instead of showing. (because if you're upfront with the things that hurt you then its all out in the open and you can put distance between yourself and the significance of your own experiences)

im getting ahead of myself. second scene they have together

ten comments on how smart martha is with the whole "if the air was gonna get sucked out it would have happened straight away, but it didnt!" thing. this objective observational approach to bizarre situations seems to be the first thing that draws martha and ten together. shes smart, and clear-headed, and curious. like he is

and then! and then and then!! "fancy going out [-side, on the moon, where there's no oxygen]?" "okay." "we might die." "we might not." "...good, come on."

good. good. like a teacher asking a question and getting the answer they want. the line is delivered slowly (which is saying something because jesus christ david tennant talks fast) and deliberately. if the question is "will you risk your life in the name of figuring out what's going on?" then the answer is "yes, not only will i risk my life but i choose to put my faith in the chance that i live."

curiously, i think it's this gift for hope martha has that ten is drawn to. i think he's been flying by the skin of his teeth, running on hope and running out of it, and martha is an optimist. a curious, smart, observant, optimist. god i love her already

(at the end of that interaction ten specifically points to the other woman with martha and says "not her, she'll hold us up". he's chosen his subject, and disregarded the other potential opportunities. its so calculated)

scene three, that balcony scene.

turns out they can breathe on that balcony, wahoo. martha remembers that party with her family and starts getting choked up. "you okay?" "yeah" "you sure?" "yeah" "you wanna go back in?" "no way, we could die any minute but all the same its beautiful"

ten sees her getting emotional and, briskly, asks if shes okay. she insists she is twice in a row and shoves down her emotions in favor of admiring the view. and who is this reminding me of?

okay so thats the fourth thing of note then. she's calm, smart, hopeful, and ignores her own emotions in crisis. and she finds joy in that view too! its beautiful! standing in the earth light.

she finally asks him whats happened, and he turns the question back on her. here we go, fifth thing. "extraterrestrial. idk a few years ago that would have sounded mad, but these days?" she pays attention. complete opposite of donna, she's caught up on the alien events going on and she believes them

moving right along: ten makes the decision to open up to martha, and tell her his real name. "what, people call you The Doctor?" "yeah" "well im not, as far as im concerned you've got to earn that title" "well i better make a start then"

i love this interaction. he's telling her his name and instead of ogling at the weirdness she says "earn it." like its a challenge. my current hypotheses, having not seen the rest of season 3, is that this is a unique quirk of their dynamic. martha wont just take his bullshit, or ogle at his space-alien-ness, or let him take charge just to follow after going "what the hell??". she'll catch right up with him and help figure out the mystery as well

ok scene 4

"if they're [jabloon, monster of the week] police are we under arrest? are we trespassing on the moon or something?" "no, but i like that! good thinking."

again, she's sharp. creative. and then the reveal that the doctor's non-human! oh youre kidding me, dont be ridiculous, stop looking at me like that. 13 seconds. "oh you're kidding me, you're not non-human" to "well shit, guess he is" in 13 seconds! she's marvelous! she just takes it!

fifth scene, the whole The Doctor is trying to figure out the situation and the companion is hanging back asking questions and trying to get their head around the whole space alien thing while he spits information a mile a minute. its crazy, she keeps up! like not just with how freaking fast ten talks, with what he's saying!

im a broken record, she just believes it all its wild. she recognizes the situation as a problem, accepting each piece of information as valuable and true, and works to solve it i love you martha jones

ok i cant sit here going scene by scene lets jump to the end shall we

scene i lost count. the tardis is parked in some back alley after a fiasco of that family party for marthas brother

the initial test is over, and martha's passed. the doctor wants to take a chance on her

"i just thought, since you saved my life and ive got a brand-new sonic screwdriver which needs road testing, you might fancy a trip?"

evidently martha cant say no to that so we, lovely viewers, are treated to a classic "its bigger on the inside!" scene. and ten's got that look on his face again! carefully cataloging her reaction, sizing her up.

coming full circle, martha asks about the doctors previous companions (again), and its fascinating comparing this scene with the opening of "The Runaway Bride"

where donna stumbled across rose's jacket, assumed ten had kidnapped her, and confronted him about it, thus throwing the hurt of loosing rose right back in his face, ten puts it all out in the open for martha right off the bat

im the doctor, ive got a brand new sonic screwdriver, the tardis is bigger on the inside, and the last one was rose. welcome aboard

even while throwing it all out in the open, ten quickly says "anyway" like he doesnt want to talk about it. when martha asks where she is (like donna did) ten assures her that rose is safe and fine. directly doing the opposite of how donna approached the subject

and still ten insists that martha isnt going to be "the new companion". that shes here for one trip, then back home. he knows donna was right, he needs someone, he promised her. he knows but he doesnt want it, yet. hes telling martha the situation while still walling off his actual feelings about it

which explains why ten reacts so badly to martha teasing him about that kiss from earlier. when she opens up the situation like he's flirting he shuts her down fast. but when she turns it into a joke, and says she's not interested we get "good." again

its a really clear pattern, the way ten assesses her this episode. he notices her cool headedness and observation and pokes a bit more. he shuts her off when she approaches territory he doesnt want her to. he responds with "good" when she responds with what he wants

he's drawn to her because they share a lot of key traits (accepting bizarre situations, intellect, high emotional regulation) & because she shows a few key traits that distinctly compliment his own (her hope, curiosity, and stubbornness). she doesnt marvel at him like other companions did (and will), and doesnt put up with his bullshit either. she makes fun of him for being "pompous" in a way other humans just worshipped him. she relates, accepts, understands, and humbles him in very distinct, important ways

anyway "Smith and Jones" was a solid episode & you guys dont talk about martha enough, shes amazing