#like you're not necessarily a bad person or anything but you 100% went to the wrong source that will absolutely try to downplay what you di

[unproduciblesmackdown]

asia kate dillon (voice acting and guest starring) as LOS-307 in moon girl and devil dinosaur 1x04 "check yourself"

("part one" only referring to posting the audio, b/c the mp3 file size is too large for a single upload here or on discord, and i refuse lossy compression) (part two)

[anti-transphobia]

Holy shit op you're clearly the asshole here. YTA YTA YTA. Yes it sucks to be reminded of something that triggers you but when your trigger is a disorder or a minority group it is 100% on you to recognize that and understand that it's not an excuse to treat people of those groups poorly.

There is a difference between saying something in the moment and defending/seeking validation for it. Yes, calling a person with a delusional disorder crazy is an asshole thing to do. Yes, even if you're triggered. I don't think being an asshole in one situation makes you a bad person or anything. I think it would be excusable! However, you took it too far, even for someone triggered. Not taking someone's delusions seriously and saying you think that if they don't move out they'll try to KILL you? Asshole. If I were your roommate I'd never forgive you for that shit

HOWEVER your saving grace here is that you acknowledged that what you said was bad. You seem to know it's fucked up. The WRONG thing to do was go to aita about it. If you want to know if the way you treated a delusional person was wrong, don't go to a blog for literally everyone to comment on regardless of how much they care about human rights. Those are the sorts of people who say delusional people deserved to be locked up for truly harmless beliefs. Go to schizospec advocacy blogs. Go to actual psychotic people. Don't seek validation from people who would do far, far worse to your roommate if given the chance

aita for calling my roommate crazy?

I (28f) live with 2 other people, a former college roommate who I’m pretty close with (29f) and 2nd roommate (28nb) who we both met when we moved in together 2 years ago.

Let me start this out by saying, this isn’t a fandom aita, it’s going to sound a bit weird at first, but bear with me.

I have a medical condition (relevant later) which stopped most of my bones from maturing past puberty (growth plates closing, cartilage not hardening into bones, ect.), so my skeleton is basically stuck somewhere between 13-19, (I look about 17-19, but the last time I tried to buy hard cider, the cashier thought I was 14, so that’s how young I can look). I also have very pale skin (unrelated to my disorder, just a ginger), and (related to my disorder) lack some liver enzymes so I need eat meat or I get sick (the same reason why cats need to eat meat), I ended up in the ER when I lived with my vegan sister for a week and ate the same veggie diet as her.

Trouble is, Roommate 2 is really into conspiracy theories and other fringe stuff. Nothing alt-right or anything, just like, (for example) they fully bought into that Mermaids: the body found show, and wouldn’t be dissuaded, even when Roommate 1 googled it and showed them solid proof that it was fictional. Wholeheartedly believes the US government preformed 9/11, does alternative medicine (homeopathy, ect), wishes there were ‘all natural’ vaccines (still isn’t an anti-vaccer though, just needs to be persuaded that Bill Gates didn’t put microchips in them).

Anyway, Roommate 1 and I have a recurring joke that I’m a vampire because of the meat thing and the pale thing and the not aging thing. Roommate 2 overheard us and laughed, but weirdly. She kinda joked along with us, but she seemed...odd. About a week later, they start asking me stuff about being a vampire. But they seemed friendly and not nervous then and I was hoping they were just joking and I also sincerely thought they were just asking me about how vampires work on one of my shows (I’m a big fan of Carmilla and the Originals), so I tried to explain, but I cited each show when I’m explaining a thing. This continued for several weeks, but getting worse and more weird every time, eventually culminating about 2 and a half months later into them asking me more stuff about life as a vampire and I really realised that they were serious. Bear in mind, Roommate 1 and I were trying to be very clear that we don’t believe in vampires this whole time because we both know how Roommate 2 is about this. As a result, this was the first time I really registered that they seriously seemed to genuinely believe I was a vampire. I firmly told them that I am not a vampire and that vampires aren’t real, they’re fun to joke about, but they aren’t real. They implored me ‘to be straight with them about being a vampire,’ and that ‘I could trust them,’ and I’m ashamed to say, I kinda freaked out at this point, cuz I was afraid that they would be scared of me and maybe try to hurt me, since they seemed kinda unstable because of this.

This is where I think I was an asshole, I am usually very sensitive to mental health issues. I have some c-PTSD myself and there are a lot of mental health issues in my family (unfortunately, I think some history with my own mentally ill father may have made me react this way, since he has very similar issues to Roommate 2 (vaccines, alternate medicines, specifically involving me in his delusions) and I had a very bad experience in my early teens where he thought I was a demon and ‘sent to destroy him’). Anyway, I got very upset and I yelled at them, I told them they were completely crazy and needed to get mental help and said I thought Roommate 1 and I needed to move out because they might try to stake my heart or something. I feel really bad for calling them crazy, especially because Roommate 2 has some very mental health issues and words like crazy make light of and stigmatise that and I’m very big into not blaming people for their mental health problems, but this was very triggering and in this moment I was very distresssed.

So, aita, all things considered here? I’m still gonna feel like the asshole no matter what, since mental health problems aren’t to be taken lightly or blamed on the person, but I’m curious what the internet thinks.

What are these acronyms?

[plantsjustwannahavefun]

I keep seeing so many people here getting angry that this season is "vilifying Ed", and it's depressingly fascinating to see how others can watch the same show and somehow see something completely different. Is it simply the lack of media literacy? Is it the inability to appreciate and enjoy complex, nuanced, morally grey characters without willfully blocking out anything even slightly unpalatable about them to the point where the character they think they love isn't really that character anymore?

Because, uh... Season 1 already "vilified" Ed plenty. Except "vilify" is the wrong word, of course. It wasn't in any way malicious or mean-spirited, quite the contrary, it was often played as comedic (until the end of episode 10 when it was anything but) - Ed was always meant to be a sympathetic character, he's a protagonist after all, and the show's portrayal of him is very compassionate. It merely refused to sugarcoat or shy away from his darker side. He's literally history's most famous pirate, you don't become one by being nice and treating everyone gently. He ambushed and strangled his own father to death when he was like 9 years old (100% deserved and justifiable ofc, but it still bears saying it out loud like this just to comprehend how unhinged this actually was). He loves torturing and maiming people for fun, and sometimes even animals (that scene with forcing a turtle to fight a crab). He didn't give a fuck about his crew members dying to satisfy his whim to meet Stede. He entirely failed in his role as a captain in ep 4. He effectively played a double agent with Izzy and Stede for a while before changing his mind. He attempted to murder Lucius. And while you could try to argue his punishment of Izzy was at least to some degree deserved, not only cutting Izzy's toe off but forcing him to eat went beyond punishment, it was sadistic torture.

So, yeah, please just read all that and take it in. And then remember once again that Ed is also a traumatised, lonely, depressed, sensitive, creative, curious, deeply passionate person yearning for true love and for something different in life... just like Stede. He loves music and can play the piano. He wrote a very vulnerable song and sand his heart out. He likes his tea with seven sugars. He enjoys fashion and dressing up. He has such a limitless sense of wonder for the world. He went on a trek with Stede just to make him happy, even though he hated nature and was in a shit mood that day. He wants to host a talent show. He wants to become free. He's clever and funny and fascinating. I love Ed.

Yes, it's possible to reconcile those two sides of him and accept both sides as the "real" Ed. You have to reconcile the two sides if you want to enjoy him as a character, because if you don't, you're going to either detest him to the core (which would make enjoying the show practically impossible since he's sort of a main character...), or you'll only be able to enjoy a diminished, crippled, cardboard cutout version of his character, which would be such a pity and a massive disservice to the creators of this show who worked hard to create interesting, multidimensional characters.

Not to mention you'd be missing one of the core messages of the show - the idea that people still deserve love and can be loved even if they're imperfect, or not necessarily good people. Because love is a human condition. It's not a sole dominion of "good" people. "Bad" people can fall in love too - even if, just like them, that love isn't exactly "nice" or "pure", and neither are the relationships that stem from it. They can be messy and exasperating. But "bad" people can also grow and change because of it. That's what OFMD is ultimately about - growth and change, learning to accept yourself but also become better. That can't happen if the character is already 100% perfect the way they are.Ed is far from that. So is Izzy. They can both become better, and they both still deserve compassion and understanding, because that's the environment people need to become better.

So, if you're mad that at the start of S2 the crew are sympathetic to Izzy's suffering and want to help him instead of kicking him when he's down, and what Ed did to him is being acknowledged as cruel and wrong... congratulations, you have completely missed what OFMD is all about.

[cowgurrrl]

Ok I have fluff angst idea…Charlie is pregnant and freaking out about telling Joel because she is kinda young. And Joel is mad, scared, excited , crying and also grandpa Joel?!

Hello why did this make me tear up

April, Come She Will

Pairing: Joel Miller x fem!reader

Author’s note: it’s canon to me that reader and Joel live to be 100 and nothing bad ever happens to them ever again

Summary: The next generation of Millers find their way [3.6k]

Warnings: teen pregnancy (what’s new for this series lmao), arguing, language, call backs

Charlie's been acting weird for the past few weeks. She's been coming in and out of the house at strange times, not showing up for patrol, and giving you vague answers about where she's been. She's nineteen now, so she doesn't necessarily need you and Joel breathing down her neck all the time, but you still like to know where your kid is. She tells you she's been with Ellie or her boyfriend, Eric, which is fine. You like Eric. You just wish she would spend a little more time at home. 

Charlie and Eric met on patrol. No matter how much you tried to dissuade her from joining the patrol team, she wouldn't listen. She had watched you guys go out and defend Jackson as she grew up and even talked to Ellie about her adventures outside the walls. She knew how to ride a horse, and Joel taught her how to handle a gun. The intention was never to "train" her for patrol but to be prepared in a worst-case situation where she needed to protect herself but the second she was old enough, she signed up. She got paired with Eric, a sweet boy her age she went to school with, for her first patrol, and that was it. They've been together ever since. 

Joel was hesitant when they started dating, but you reminded him she was an adult and could make her own decisions. Eric was somehow more hesitant when Charlie invited him over for a family dinner. Eric grew up hearing stories about your family, and his dad occasionally worked patrol with Joel, but knowing him by proxy is much different than sitting across from him at the dinner table. Joel promised to be on his best behavior, but poor Eric was terrified any time Joel asked him a question. Since then, they've gotten a little closer, but they are by no means buddies. You're a little nicer.

All this runs through your head when Eric trails behind Charlie into the house. It's a Saturday, and you and Joel are off patrol, sitting next to each other on the couch. You were supposed to go see Ellie and Dina, but they rescheduled for next weekend without much explanation as to why. JJ might've gotten in trouble. At seventeen, he has more of Ellie's wild personality than anything else. It's a little fun to watch her try to handle a younger version of herself. 

"Hey, can we talk?" Charlie asks, a slight tremble in her voice. You look up from your book, and Joel leans forward to drop his wood carving knife on the coffee table. She and Eric sit across from you, her leg bouncing anxiously when she does, and you glance between them. You're a little confused as to why Eric has to be here for this, but she's clinging to his hand so hard you almost worry she's gonna break it. Worry claws at the back of your throat, but you swallow it down. Whatever it is, you can handle it.

"Sure, bug," you say. "What's up?" 

"Um, so there's something I've been meaning to tell you, but I wanted to get some things squared away before I did because I didn't want you guys to freak out or anything. I understand this is a really big deal, but it's under control, and we have a plan." She explains rapidly, and Joel chuckles as he removes his glasses to rub at his eye.

"You ain't pregnant, are you?" He asks, and Charlie is silent. That's when you feel your heart drop to the pit of your stomach. Your mouth goes dry, and you sit up, staring at her like you're waiting for her to say she's joking. "Charlotte," Joel says, his tone even and scarily calm. "You're not. Right?"

"I'm sorry, Daddy," she says, tears shining in her eyes. "But we… we have a plan. We're gonna get set up in a house, and Ellie's gonna lend us some of JJ's old things, and we're gonna pick up some more shifts before the baby comes. It's all gonna be okay."

You can't help but feel like you set her up for failure, not only with your own teen pregnancy but with your inability to keep her safe. In the old days, you might've been able to put her on birth control or give her condoms when she started dating, but those things aren't on the top of the list for what little FEDRA manufacturing is left. The best "safe sex" talk you could have with her is letting her know her options if she did get pregnant or sick. You hated it, but there wasn't much else you could do. And now look where you are. 

"Mom, can you please say something?" Charlie begs as Eric rubs her back. You thought you'd be prepared for something like this with your and Joel's (and Ellie's) family life starting earlier than most. Instead, you find yourself, possibly for the first time ever, sympathizing with your mother. You pull yourself together enough to open your mouth. 

"You wanna have this baby?" You ask, and she nods. 

"We already decided. We're not gonna get married or anything yet, but yeah, we want this baby," she says. Eric doesn't say anything. You figure that's probably smart. It's only a matter of time before Joel freaks the fuck out about the fact that he got your baby girl pregnant. "That's why I went to Ellie's the other day. I was talking to her, Aunt Dina, and Uncle Jesse about when they had Jay." She says. You try not to be offended that she told Ellie before she told you. You told lots of people before you told your mom you were pregnant. Still, you thought you and Charlie were closer than you and your mom were. 

You look at Joel, the same panic and anger taking over his features, and take a deep breath. He grinds his teeth as he thinks, and you have to stop yourself from scolding him. When you look back at Charlie, her face is splotchy, and her brown eyes sparkle in the mid-afternoon light. She looks so grown up but so little at the same time. Your eyes slide from hers to Eric's wide ones.

"I'm assuming you know the stories about Jane and her dad?" You ask.

"Yes, ma'am." He croaks, and you nod.

"And I'm assuming you know how Joel and I got to Jackson in the first place?" 

"Mom," Charlie starts, but you catch Joel shaking his head at her in your peripheral vision. Eric swallows thickly and nods.

"Yes, ma'am." 

"Good," you say. "If I ever hear anything about you not being there for Charlie or that baby, or if you even think about leaving them, I'll fucking kill you." You haven't had to speak this way in years, and it, obviously, rattles both Charlie and Eric. Good. You hope it does rattle him. 

"Mom!" Charlie scolds, looking to Joel for help, but it's clear that he has your back with this one. You'll be damned if she ends up a single parent like you two were. She scoffs and stands, pulling Eric up with her. "You don't have to listen to this, Eric."

"Yes, he does." You say.

"Baby, what did you think we were gonna say?" Joel asks. 

"That you'd support my decision or, at least, find a way to!" 

"Of course, we support you. I just..." Joel trails off. "I just don't think you know what this means. How much this is gonna change your life. And I know you love each other, but havin' a baby ain't an easy thing."

"That's why we're doing it together," she says, her eyes moving from Joel's to yours. "That's why it's fucking crazy to talk to him like that. And unfair. You didn't act this way when Ellie had JJ." 

"That's because we didn't need to have this same talk with them. Jesse and Dina had already decided to co-parent Jay. There was no way Dina was gonna be a single mom," you say. "But there were three of them, and it was still hard. You were just a baby when he was born, so you don't remember, but it was a lot."

"So, you don't think I can be a mom?" She asks, and you stand with your hands up in defeat.

"I didn't say that. I just want you to be prepared. I remember what it was like, and I-"

"Just because you were miserable when you had Jane doesn't mean everyone is." It's mean and calculated and hits you right where it hurts. It doesn't matter if it's the hormones or not. The sting of her words renders you silent. 

"Don't you speak to your mother that way!" Joel yells. He never yells anymore, especially at Charlie. The scary boom in his voice fills the room, but you catch the glint of tears in his eyes as his breathing stutters. "This ain't just playin' house, Charlie. So, if your mama is a little worried, she's allowed to be. Shit, we're all allowed to lose our fuckin' minds for a minute, but that isn't an excuse to talk bout your family like that." He says, and she taps her shoe on the ground twice, a nervous tick she picked up from Joel.

"I'm sorry, Mom, but I can't just sit here and listen to you threaten Eric like that," she says. You nod but don't apologize. You can't find anything to say. Charlie stares at you like she's waiting for you to lash out or yell at her, but you can't. She wipes a stray tear away furiously and turns away. "I need some air," she mumbles, dragging Eric out of the house before you can even protest. The door slams behind her, and the floorboards she took her first steps on shake with the force. Joel reaches for your hand and pulls you into him. He murmurs soft assurances into your hair, his voice cracking and tears spilling from his eyes as he does, and all you can do is let him hold you. 

What the fuck else are you supposed to do?

You wake up in the middle of the night to the sound of the bathroom door in the hall slamming open. You and Joel jolt upright in bed at the sudden sound (old habits die hard, right?), and you sigh as you rub your eyes. You check the alarm clock next to your bed for the time and see it's close to three. The dark mountain town is still asleep outside your window, and you grab a soft flannel from the floor to pull over your shoulders. 

You don't remember falling asleep. You were up, waiting for Charlie to come home so you could talk further, but when the front door opened and closed, and she basically sprinted to her room, you couldn't find the energy for another fight. But when you laid down, you couldn't sleep either, your conversation from earlier playing on a loop in your mind. You and Joel just sat there in silence, staring up at the ceiling until your eyelids got too heavy, and you fell into a dreamless sleep. You couldn't have been asleep for over an hour or two when the bathroom door swung open. Joel looks at you, confused when you stand.

"What are you doin'?" He asks, and you wave him off.

"I know why she's up. Just go back to bed." You say without much explanation before padding down the hallway and into the bathroom.

Your footsteps are loud enough on the tile for her to hear you, so she doesn't flinch when you suddenly pull her hair away from her face and hold it out of the way. She glances at you and softens a little before retching into the toilet again. She does that for another minute or two before her stomach is finally empty, and you can safely let go of her hair. She sighs and leans against the wall as you flush the toilet and hand her a towel. You settle across from her, your back pressed against the sink, and rub her leg as she wipes her face. 

"Thanks," she mumbles as she tips her head back against the wall. She looks tired and weak. All you want to do is scoop her up in your arms like she's three years old again. "I feel like shit."

"I'm sorry. That's my genetics. I was super sick with you and Jane." Her name rolls off your tongue so fast you almost forget the last time it was invoked. The air stiffens between you, and she shifts uncomfortably. 

"How long were you sick for?" She asks softly. You sigh as you track your memory back and try to remember the exact details.  

"About six months," you admit, and she groans. You laugh a little at her reaction, but only because you know how frustrating it is. If you could take it from her, you would. When you settle, she stares at you guiltily and starts picking at the nail bed around her thumb like she can't stand the silence. "Where did you guys go?" you ask to put her out of her misery.

"I just… needed to get out of the house. We walked around town for a while before going to his parent's house," she says. "They still don't know. We wanted to tell y'all first." You nod, unable to give words to your gratitude just yet, and she swallows thickly.  

"You could've stayed," you whisper. "I wanted you to stay."

"I know," she says. "I'm sorry. For everything." She looks like she could start crying again, so you take a deep breath, scoot over to her, wrap her in your arms, and kiss her temple. You feel her relax into you, and a weight is lifted off your shoulders.

"You know your dad and I worry about you. It's not about you not being capable or not smart enough because you are plenty capable and smart. But we also know that it doesn't matter how prepared you think you are. There's nothing that can prepare you for being a parent, and that's not me trying to scare you. It's just how it is." You explain, and she nods into your neck. 

"That's what Ellie said, too." She says. 

"Smart kid." 

"I feel like I fucked up," she pivots dramatically, but you hold on tightly and wait for her to continue. I'm right here with you, baby girl, you think. "I want to be happy because Eric seems happy, and you're supposed to be happy when you find out you're pregnant, but I'm so fucking scared." She sounds like she's on the brink of tears again, and you shush her. She sighs heavily and wipes at her face as she leans back enough to see you. "Were you scared when you found out you were pregnant?"

"Both times, I was fucking terrified. With you, it came later, though. Even though your dad and I talked about having another kid and how amazing you'd end up being, I remember going into labor and shaking cause of how scared I was." You say, and she nods. 

"How did you... know you were supposed to be a mom? She asks. It's a loaded question. How does anyone ever know they're "supposed" to be a parent? You certainly didn't think you were meant for anything that important at sixteen, but you do remember why you made the decision you did. 

"I, um…" you trail off, laughing. "I started having these dreams after I found out I was pregnant."

"Dreams?" 

"It was pretty much the same thing over and over again for a few months. I would be going through my regular routine, but this… baby was following me around. I couldn't tell if it was a boy or a girl, but I knew it was my baby. And it came with me to school, the grocery store, work, everything, and as time passed in my dream, the bigger the baby got. They'd get more personality or start laughing, or their eyes would change colors, and I'd be so in love with them," You know you sound crazy, but that's because it was crazy. "The first few times, I woke up crying because the baby from my dreams wasn't there. I thought there was nothing worse than waking up in the morning and not having my kid there," you say. The weight of your words catches up with you, and you have to bite your bottom lip to keep from crying. "And I was right." You shake your head and take a deep breath, hyper-aware of her eyes on you.

"I had the same dreams when I got pregnant with you, except they were a little different. In all of them, you were always with Ellie and Dad— every single time. I thought you were gonna grow up and not like me as much or whatever other reason my hormones gave me for the change, but, towards the end, you started showing up alone. You were just this little light. I can't describe it exactly, but everything I did in the dream was a little more magical because you were there. Things were shiny or glittery, and you would just giggle and giggle and giggle," you say, smiling at the memory. You grab her hand and squeeze hard, looking directly into her eyes and fighting more tears. "You turned my world technicolor even before you were born, and I knew I would always do everything I could to protect you. That's why I was so hard on Eric. I know he's a good kid and nothing like Jane's dad was, but I don't want you to end up like me, kid." Charlie squeezes your hand, somehow harder than you squeeze her, and a familiar crease appears between her eyebrows.

"Mommy, if I'm half the woman you are, I'd be so fucking happy. Are you kidding me?" She says. 

"Charlotte-" 

"I'm serious," she cuts you off, Joel's commanding yet gentle tone seeping into her voice. "Mom, you made my lunch until I was in high school, and even when I asked you to stop, you still had one ready to go just in case I needed it. You used to take JJ and me to the park so Ellie and Aunt Dina could get some sleep, even though everyone knew that meant you didn't get any. You convinced Dad to talk to Eric because you knew I loved him and wanted him to like him..." She slows down a little bit, scanning your face before she continues. "You kept a kid alive during the Outbreak despite everything. You still buy her flowers on her birthday. You tell me about her. You let me know her," you take a shaky breath, and you can't stop the tears anymore. "You're a good mom, and I'm so lucky to have you, and I'm sorry for what I said and for getting pregnant and-" 

This time, you stop her by hugging her tight and letting yourself cry. She gets emotional, too, and a very unlucky Joel finds the two of you crying on the bathroom floor in the middle of the night. Like everything, he takes it in stride and joins you two on the floor until the sun breaches over the mountains and a new day shines down. 

It's hard to say things got easier after that day. Eric's parents didn't react very positively at first, and it took them most of her pregnancy to come around. Charlie goes through weeks of sickness and bed rest. They argue a lot about the future and what it should look like, but they get there in the end. The next year, the house is filled with a familiar chatter and chaos. Charlie and Eric's twins (which explains why she felt so bad), Elliot "Ellie" Beth, and April Theresa Miller-Donovan, squeal as Joel takes turns dancing with them in the living room.

Elliot is, obviously, named in honor of your Ellie, but she bears Sarah's middle name. April threw you for a loop. The twins were born in snowy January, confusing you as to why they would name her that and not January, but Charlie smiled as she handed April to you. "Jane's birthday is April 7th. I didn't want to steal your name, but I remember you taking me to the meadow to pick flowers for her. April 7th was always my favorite day." She explained, making you choke up. When she told you April's middle name, you and Joel completely lost it. Theresa, for your Tess, the woman who believed so much in Ellie, she forced you to believe in her, too. The woman who saved your life in more ways than one. The woman who would've absolutely adored Charlie if she ever met her. 

You love being grandparents again— admittedly, a little older than you were the first time around. Joel teaches the girls Spanish words and lets them pull on his beard. You make extra food so your baby has something to eat after the long days and nights of keeping them alive, and you play silly games with them. They don't look like you or Joel or even Charlie or Eric. They look like their own little people. People who will never know the loss, destruction, and nights spent staring hopelessly at walls you went through. People who will grow up safe and loved and cared for. People who carry names they won't be able to put a face to. 

That's okay. They don't need to know about the people you were before you were their grandparents, and maybe it's time for you to try to let that time go. Maybe, in your and Joel's old age, with the deep wrinkles and graying hair, you can just be. Maybe you can just dance in the living room and make warm blankets and fall asleep holding hands. Maybe everything does turn out okay.

[sixthwater]

Hello again! Welcome to another chapter of poptarot with sixthwater~! This one is going to be more general and I have a feeling it's a bit further out but we shall see!

Chapter Three: Will we get another star who's a household name?

Deck's Used: After Tarot

Cards: II of Wands Rx, King of Cups, The Emperor Rx, The Hierophant Rx

Yes?? Sort of. The feeling is reminiscent of Robert Patterson after Twilight, that's why I'm a little...lol. Also Drama Queen by Lindsay Queen started playing so I think this person will go down a path trying to prove something to themselves or others (or it's like a dumb bet) and it accidentally blows up? Which is not what they wanted, which throws to acting like Mr. Robert, but it's not authentic (some of it is some of it isn't), I hope that makes sense, but let me keep pulling lol.

Ace of Wands Rx, III of Pentacles Rx, IV of Pentacles, King of Pentacles

lmao okay. I already have my answer but I pulled an extra four anyway so they're on the side right now we'll get to them. This person does not want to be here but they'll be in high demand. I don't think they'll hate their career, but they don't like what comes with it, which is valid. However Shaman King's opening came on and so did Calendar by PaTD. For those unfamiliar with Shaman King, here's a rundown of the main character:

"as a slacker by nature, Yoh maintains a carefree, laid back attitude about everything, even while achieving his goal of becoming Shaman King…generally seen as lazy and uncaring about most things, Yoh holds wisdom well beyond his age as he thinks outside common norms and principles, with many people being unable to read his flexible and unique nature. While his comments and general demeanor give an impression of irresponsibility and lack of commitment, which has often infuriated others…despite not looking like it, Yoh acts seriously in most all instances, but always tries to keep true to himself"

This is what they feel like. 100%. Calendar talks about wanting to leave because it's harming you/it's bad for you but something always drags them back, and I believe it's either participating in things that's created by those they care about or just for contracts that were already established before they dipped. In the four of pentacles there's a reaper coming for the guy and he looks anxious so it feels like someone trying to just rest easy after their gains but their manager is coming in with another deal or project, only because it's right next to the King. Besides that there's a lot of solitude present; so it's like they will be a household name yes, but their heart is not necessarily in it, this isn't what they signed up for, and after a while they want to leave, they don't gel with all the accessories here and they don't want to mingle -- not because they're a bad person if anything the energy surrounding this seems quite nice. Like I see people goofing off in an auditorium to place an imagery to this. Okay last four cards

VII of Swords Rx, Queen of Cups, IV of Cups, King of Swords Rx

You're fucking lying lmao. I want you to keep in mind that II of Wands Rx, Ace of Wands Rx, and VII of Swords Rx are all on top of each other. Mmmmm. Had a random thought but this could be a person who wants to go back to leading a normal life after this so they try to leave but they can't (aka want to have a family and not have to balance all this since it wasn't a goal anyway but--). Idk like...Like I mentioned earlier, Robert Pattinson twilight interview energy + this sad story

“I had a stalker while filming a movie in Spain last year,” Pattinson revealed in 2009. “She stood outside my apartment every day for weeks – all day every day. I was so bored and lonely that I went out and had dinner with her. I just complained about everything in my life and she never came back. People get bored of me in, like, two minutes.”

but they also come off as an awkward Aubrey Plaza?? Like they want to be left alone. In the seven of swords the guy is sneaking off but there's a rope under his foot so it's like they can never get away but it feels like after a certain point they just become obnoxious and pull out asshole king of swords energy. Cause the four of cups is pouring water out while the cloud has turned it's back. It kind of feels like them leaning into (excuse me) Shia LaBeouf's energy, or acting out like Miley did right after Disney to gain her name back, but this is to gain independence and solitude again. This entire reading has been a lot of "Yes But--" cards lol. So it's like, we will have a household name at some point, but it might be short lived? Or they will be liked for a little bit before people will go down a rabbit hole of "What Happened To ______" because they start acting up and then disappear. Considering the examples I just kept pulling, I have to assume this will be within the acting industry, but eh let's pull some cards anyway to see what they'll be famous for maybe it'll be a writer somehow

Q: What industry will this person belong to?

Cards: Waning Crescent Moon, First House, Twelfth House, Sun, Uranus, Vesta

??????? Oh?! I can point out the modeling industry as a possibility, that's one thing...there's.

Either this person multi-tasks / is a 'jack of all trades', or they'll be known primarily for two things? Because vesta can stand for doing something that soothes you or makes you happy, but if this is representing their industry it'd have to be a type of healing industry. Then we have Uranus + Twelfth. That kind of points to spirituality or astrology if we're combining it. But then on the complete opposite we have First + Sun, which shoots towards modeling or putting your best food forward, not diving deep into your emotions or standing out awkwardly like the other two would. Then Waning Crescent stands for an ending time period? This could somewhat point to someone inventing a whole new niche, and that's why they're known + not coping with it well/not expecting any of this. That would sum up being a pioneer that's known for something fresh and unique, laying something to rest and entering a new phase and it might be in an area that gives them joy.

So in that case: not necessarily a household name but very in demand, high praise. If it is a household name, I'd have to go with possibly modeling or a high maybe on possibly sports????? high maybe.

[klainelynch]

I've had three concussions in the past two years, and what's described here doesn't match my experiences at all. In media, getting hit on the head is shown to be a big deal when it happens and maybe a slight headache afterwards. For me, the days and weeks after the concussion were much more significant, and there is still PLENTY of opportunity for whump with concussions.

All of my concussions were roller derby related, but I've known people who got concussions from other sports and even hitting their head on a cabinet, and none of us described an experience like what was listed above. But I will just speak to my experiences, even though each concussion was slightly different and I didn't necessarily have all of these symptoms for each concussion.

When I first hit my head, there is usually a buzzing in my head. This might feel like adrenaline, but it quickly becomes apparent that this is wishful thinking when the feeling doesn't go away after a few minutes and turns into a headache. Whump: caretaker trying to convince whumpee who has hit their head that they are in fact Hurt™️and need to stop for their own sake.

You may feel fine and like you can drive home. You should NOT operate heavy machinery because your judgement may be off and you do not have any way of knowing since it's your brain that's hurt. Whump: "Don't worry, I feel fine." "I know you feel fine, but you're not." "What, don't you trust me?"

People used to think that you shouldn't sleep after a concussion, or that you should wake the person every so often. There's nothing supporting this, so let the person sleep because rest helps a concussion more than anything. Whump: caretaker worrying over how to care for their whumpee, and feeling useless that what the person needs is simply time; caretaker can't help with that.

There are a lot of concussion related symptoms, but my main one was fogginess. I felt like I was wading through mud, and even though I could function, everything took so much longer and tired me out so much faster than it should have. This wasn't apparent when I had free time, but when I went back to work two days after my concussion, I was taking cat naps in between classes. Whump: whumpee is trying to get back to normal, but they simply do not have the energy. Things that normally take no thinking at all are now eating up all of their brain power. Maybe they ask for help, and maybe they don't. Either way, there's going to be a loss of independence as they need help with basic tasks.

It feels counterintuitive when you're so tired, but certain kinds of exercise can help healing. Nothing that will move your head too drastically. The exercise bike and the elliptical are both great at getting your heart rate up and moving your legs without knocking your brain around. Whump: caretaker trying to convince the whumpee to exercise for their own good, and getting a mouthful in return because "You have no idea how exhausted I am right now."

I was prescribed melatonin because sleep regulation is often difficult, but I ended up not needing it because I was always able to sleep. Other things I was prescribed include: fish oil, B12, and magnesium oxide. Whump: the whumpee has an aversion to taking pills; the caretaker can't find one or more of these, and feels frustrated at not being able to do this one thing for them.

If you're writing a modern story, screens are VERY bad for concussions. This was a hard rule to follow, and I wasn't always the best at it. I tried to find other ways to occupy my time like listening to podcasts/audiobooks with my eyes closed and cross stitching. Whump: caretaker is VERY strict on the no-screen rule, and the whumpee gets it, they really do, but surely just a few minutes here and there won't hurt??

My doctor told me to drink at least 100 oz/2841 ml of water each day, so I was peeing all the damn time. Really any liquid other than alcohol is fine, but water is best. Whump: whumpee cannot believe that their caretaker is handing them ANOTHER glass of water.

Sometimes I felt nauseated; other times, I was ravenously hungry. Relatedly, there are certain foods/drinks that you should and shouldn't have while healing. Whump: caretaker is trying to make meals that will aid in healing, but whumpee can't/won't eat.

I had hoped that I would be better within a week, but it was more like two or three weeks to feel 100%. This is very frustrating and a place for relying on your loved ones for support. Whump: whumpee genuinely feels better, tries to do their day at a normal level, and realizes that they aren't 100% better yet.

Oh and the test for concussions can be very simple. I had assumed that it would need to be some sort of brain scan, but mine were all verbal and physical. There was a memory test (where I had to retain information about different words and numbers - the hardest one was saying a sequence of numbers backwards), an eye test (following the doctor's finger around my face), and a balance test (I didn't realize my balance was so badly affected until doing this test). Whump: whumpee felt like hitting their head wasn't a big deal, but becomes overwhelmed when they fail different parts of this test. They don't even need the doctor to tell them that they're hurt worse than they thought.

Not a symptom, but I am now VERY sensitive to other people hitting their head. I love watching my alma mater play (American) football, but I just know so many of these players are getting hurt and pushed through it because the team and the institution wants a win, and if it all stopped tomorrow, I wouldn't cry over it. Whump: whumpee is now overprotective of their caretaker and anyone they see who hits their head even a little. Just because you hit your head doesn't mean you automatically have a concussion, but try telling that to someone for whom it took three months to get back to normal.

Like I said, this is all very personal to my own experience, but I think a lot of people assume the fictional "hit on the head knocks you out for a plot convenient amount of time and you wake up with nothing more than a headache" is real, and it very much is not. Write what you want, but there is still plenty of whump to be found within the reality of concussions.

STOP DOING THIS IN INJURY FICS!!

Bleeding:

Blood is warm. if blood is cold, you’re really fucking feverish or the person is dead. it’s only sticky after it coagulates.

It smells! like iron, obv, but very metallic. heavy blood loss has a really potent smell, someone will notice.

Unless in a state of shock or fight-flight mode, a character will know they’re bleeding. stop with the ‘i didn’t even feel it’ yeah you did. drowsiness, confusion, pale complexion, nausea, clumsiness, and memory loss are symptoms to include.

blood flow ebbs. sometimes it’s really gushin’, other times it’s a trickle. could be the same wound at different points.

it’s slow. use this to your advantage! more sad writer times hehehe.

Stab wounds:

I have been mildly impaled with rebar on an occasion, so let me explain from experience. being stabbed is bizarre af. your body is soft. you can squish it, feel it jiggle when you move. whatever just stabbed you? not jiggly. it feels stiff and numb after the pain fades. often, stab wounds lead to nerve damage. hands, arms, feet, neck, all have more motor nerve clusters than the torso. fingers may go numb or useless if a tendon is nicked.

also, bleeding takes FOREVER to stop, as mentioned above.

if the wound has an exit wound, like a bullet clean through or a spear through the whole limb, DONT REMOVE THE OBJECT. character will die. leave it, bandage around it. could be a good opportunity for some touchy touchy :)

whump writers - good opportunity for caretaker angst and fluff w/ trying to manhandle whumpee into a good position to access both sites

Concussion:

despite the amnesia and confusion, people ain’t that articulate. even if they’re mumbling about how much they love (person) - if that’s ur trope - or a secret, it’s gonna make no sense. garbled nonsense, no full sentences, just a coupla words here and there.

if the concussion is mild, they’re gonna feel fine. until….bam! out like a light. kinda funny to witness, but also a good time for some caretaking fluff.

Fever:

you die at 110F. no 'oh no his fever is 120F!! ahhh!“ no his fever is 0F because he’s fucking dead. you lose consciousness around 103, sometimes less if it’s a child. brain damage occurs at over 104.

ACTUAL SYMPTOMS:

sluggishness

seizures (severe)

inability to speak clearly

feeling chilly/shivering

nausea

pain

delirium

symptoms increase as fever rises. slow build that secret sickness! feverish people can be irritable, maybe a bit of sass followed by some hurt/comfort. never hurt anybody.

ALSO about fevers - they absolutely can cause hallucinations. Sometimes these alter memory and future memory processing. they're scary shit guys.

fevers are a big deal! bad shit can happen! milk that till its dry (chill out) and get some good hurt/comfort whumpee shit.

keep writing u sadistic nerds xox love you

ALSO I FORGOT LEMME ADD ON:

YOU DIE AT 85F

sorry I forgot. at that point for a sustained period of time you're too cold to survive.

pt 2

[kinetic-elaboration]

March 28: My So-Called Life 1x07

This episode was just so good, and really both inspired me toward wanting to Write the Fic and scared me away from Writing the Fic because I don't think I'll ever be able to capture these characters or relationships. Aaaah!

Anyway, I felt like this ep was more of a plot/character installment, like the pilot, as opposed to a themed ep like Father Figures or The Zit. I like both types, but after a couple themed episodes and then last week's comparatively meh ep (comparatively!!) this one felt...like a gear I was ready to switch into. Every single character was so interesting and compelling to me, and every single scene felt like such a classic, I kinda don't know where to start in talking about it.

When I was younger, I assumed Jordan was just this hot guy Angela liked who probably wasn't actually good for her, but now every time I rewatch I feel like...they are compelling together as a couple. Jordan could have been written as just this sort of vague, mysterious figure, but instead he was developed into a really, genuinely sweet kid, well-meaning and kind and truly interested in Angela, perhaps for reasons he doesn't fully understand. I'm obsessed with trying to see Angela from Jordan's perspective, perhaps after so long of not bothering with that. I think he sees her as mysterious, slightly unapproachable even, smart, challenging--and intense. His attempts to get her to pay attention to him in the museum struck me as adorable, and you could see how their kiss could have been, to him, like a second chance. I get why he couldn't bring himself to meet her parents. Angela went from 0 to 100 after that kiss, in a way that was understandable from her POV but also wild, she over-represented their situation to her parents, and then she tried to subtly maneuver Jordan into that situation without really seeing if he was ready. I don't blame her for that because I see her POV too--she has no experience to compare this to her--but it would have been OOC for Jordan to show up at the Chases in this episode. But I believe he did struggle with it. This kid doesn't have any structure in his life at all. He appears to have no family. His housing situation is obviously precarious at best. No one has noticed he can barely read in over 10 years of public school education. He just floats around from place to place without any expectations ever placed on him. It's not that expectations are bad or that he doesn't like or want them but he just simply doesn't know what to do with them. Angela comes from a place of stability and she has rule and expectations, even going back to their first kiss, and he's seeking them out, but he needs to take smaller steps than she is trying to force on him--not maliciously force, but that she expects based on her own experiences.

This is also the episode where I thought Rayanne might be a lesbian. I mean she definitely likes girls but the way she talks to Sharon about sex, about having "tried every type of person" and still feeling numb--I mean I know probably the intended reading is that she has unemotional sexual encounters with men she barely knows and who aren't good for her--but there's a part of me that's like... maybe you're not into men? She's clearly jealous of Sharon's relationship and this connection they seem to have; both Sharon and Angela are experiencing things that she can't. Again, another interpretation is that Sharon isn't ready for the adult type of relationships she's faking; like Jordan, she lacks security and structure, and her reaction to it is a sort of stunted emotional growth, making her often seem even younger than 15. But I don't think these things are mutually exclusive. Another character who is shut out from relationships is Rickie--not because he isn't ready, necessarily, but because there are no partners available to him.

I don't have anything new to say about Rickie's crush on Jordan other than, oh, Rickie's crush on Jordan... affects me emotionally every time.

I am so intrigued at the image of Angela and Brian watching The Bicycle Thief and Brian explaining it to her. It's interesting that she accuses him of over-analyzing everything. I guess he does--but so does she. Jordan's the opposite of both of them.

I had this thought when Rayanne and Angela were talking about the letter, and the way Rayanne was so invested in what Angela was saying, that later Rayanne will be Angela's best audience for her writing. I'm doubting that a little but... I still think it's true. Rayanne is not as mature as Angela at this point and she doesn't have her attention span, lbr. I think when she grows into it and also maybe gets over the crush some, she'll be super invested in Angela's creative endeavors.

Ugh, there's just so much to think about and imagine! But it's getting late and I don't want to be TOO tired tomorrow.

[akookminsupporter]

Gonna be brave and not post anonymously. *sigh* What makes a insecure jkk? I think I might be one. Sometimes I think they aren’t together and not because of lack of content or anything. I just think maybe sometimes I want them to be together so bad that maybe I see what I want to see. I guess I just don’t want to feel like I’m pushing a fantasy on them. Does this make me any less of a supporter? Genuinely curious. Little nervous now but thanks for listening to my Ted talk

Hi, how are you? Don't worry, we are chill over here.

I think it is easy to differentiate. Or at least I think so. Insecure jikookers are those who immediately conclude that jikook isn't real or that the relationship ended because JK hugged Tae or because Jimin said he didn't know where Jungkook was. They are the ones who say that jikook is not real or that the relationship ended because in a bangtan bomb we didn't see them together. An insecure jikooker is the one who believes that Jungkook is in love with IU because he went to her concert. An insecure jikooker is the one who thinks that Jimin and Jungkook broke up because Jimin went to the USA alone.

An insecure jikooker is the one who at the slightest thing that happens or doesn't happen concludes that jikook broke up.

We do tend to insert what we want into jikook or being a jikooker. People usually see everything from a personal, singular point of view. You judge/criticise/believe in something, based on what you know, and what you have experienced. Here it's no different, I think that's intensified if you're from a country a bit more progressive about LGTBI+ couples, especially if they're famous.

I think having doubts about what we believe is normal because we really don't know anything for sure. Personally, I have always held what I believe to be a strong possibility of it being true and not exactly a real truth. And that has helped me to keep everything in perspective and to be as objective as possible. Having doubts, and not believing 100% in what you think you see does not necessarily make you an insecure jikooker but a person aware that you can be wrong.

[cassianandfenrysaremyboyos]

<Spoiler alert for These twisted bonds for anyone who hasn’t read it yet>

You are definitely not alone in feeling bad for sebastien! Like i was waiting throughout the book for the author to make sebastien the bad guy coz that’s what always happens right? If there is a love triangle, one guy usually gets turned into a not so good guy so that it’s easier for readers to go along with the other pair. But nope, not in these twisted bonds. If anything, Sebastien was sorta better in this one? He definitely had his not so great moments where i went ‘just shut up and sit down bash’, but overall he was decent and it is honestly refreshing. Which is why it does kind of suck that he is basically all alone in the end.

100% this. I was expecting this book to at the very least lean into his flaws and double down on his bad points, but you're right it made him better. And a lot of that is to do with the fact that we actually got to know what he thinks in this book. So it's not even that he was necessarily better or worse in this book, it's just that we didn't know how he really felt in the first book. And that made it hard to believe he actually cared for Brie and that it wasn't all a manipulation. But this book, through the bond showed us that he genuinely loved Brie deeply. It actually broke my heart a little bit too see his pain and agony through the bond and him going "please stop I love you I love you please please please". It definitely made him more sympathetic. And made me quite conflicted because it was still hard to forgive and forget what he did to Brie. But like you said that was kind of refreshing because the book didn't go the easy route to just make you hate Sebastian.

And also like you said he definitely had his moments where I was like Sebastian "no stop". Because even though he loved Brie, it was a possessive, jealous, fearful of being alone love rather then what love should be which is selfless. And if he really loved Brie he would want her to be happy and let her go. So it was still incredibly frustrating that he didn't get it and wouldn't listen to her. But I could understand his fear to lose her because he really had no one. (What his mother did and said to him at the end was horrible and made me feel so sad for him. Plus his only friend betraying him)

Anyway at the end of the day, despite everything he was a good, albeit flawed, person, with a good heart, and even though it took him a while to really get it, in the end he understood and he made the sacrificial, selfless choice and redeemed himself. And it just left me sad that he was left all alone and vulnerable and that he lost his immortality, which is going to make his life really hard and he doesn't have anyone he can really trust and depend on. And I just really hope he finds happiness

[drabbles-mc]

Saw that post about female characters you reblogged and I 100% agree with it! I wanted to know your opinion/thoughts on the female characters from SOA and Mayans (If you don't want to it's totes fine)

Love me some good opinions. Let's get into it lol

Truthfully, I don't have a burning hatred or distaste for any of the female characters. I find it interesting that they get so torn apart when they exist in the same universe as literal criminals and murderers but they get reamed by the fandom for being...idk...not flawless? They definitely get put under more scrutiny than their male counterparts imo, and maybe that's why I don't get super worked up over any of them the same way I don't really get worked up over the bad shit the male characters do. Because they're all existing together in this "bad guy" universe so like...how picky are we gonna get with the decision-making skills?? lol. I think that different writing choices should have been made for a lot of them along the way, but there is no one that I have a super strong aversion to the way I've seen some people have in both fandoms. Everyone's entitled to their own feelings, but for me personally, there aren't any female characters that I've blacklisted lmao

But we'll put a character-by-character breakdown under the cut if you're looking for specifics.

Feel like I should mention this now- these are just my opinions and I'm really not looking to start a debate or any kind of discourse over it. If you disagree that's fine and I respect it but I'm not looking to get into arguments with people over fictional characters lmao

In terms of SOA...

By the end of it all I was so glad Gemma got got. I don't think there was ever a point in the series that I was ever super pro-Gemma. Her character was good at being bad, and I respect that, but I didn't like it at all and she frustrated the bejeezus out of me because of it hahaha. That being said, she went through some really awful, terrible, violent shit in the show that broke me. I wanted her character gone but I didn't want any of that stuff to happen to her. I know a lot of people tend to be like, "Oh but she'd do anything for her family," but like...bro...she wouldn't. It was all for herself. That was the whole thing of it. It was never really about her trying to do what was best for her family. She was just controlling and manipulative and that's that. I will say, though, that she is the female character that SOA put the most effort into. So like...kudos for that I guess.

Truth be told, I liked Tara. I know that that isn't necessarily a popular opinion, but it's the one I have haha. I think that towards the end of her time in the show, the writers took a hard left turn with her?? Like I feel like she went off the deep end super quickly and I wasn't the biggest fan of it, but it was what it was. I would've loved to see her put her foot down way earlier and have it actually change some things for her family. I liked her, and her death almost made me not finish the show. I think that they gave her a lot of wicked repetitive storylines and that's on the writers, not really her as a character. I think that they wanted too many different things for her and they couldn't make it work the right way. But I liked her and no one can take that from me lol

They did Donna dirty. I know that behind the scenes, it was either her or Opie who had to die, so from that standpoint I get it. But the potential for her. I just. I cry. For a woman who got stuck holding the bag, raising 2 kids on her own with what seemed like little to no help from the club (we never really got into all that in the show so that's just me assuming), I think that her anger and bitterness were totally justified. Everyone can scream, "She knew what she was getting into," until the cows come home, but I don't think it was ridiculous of her to think that maybe Ope would do some reevaluating after sitting in prison for 5 years for a club and a best friend who repeatedly treated him like garbage. Donna Winston deserved better. If nothing else, she shoulda taken those kids and got the hell outta dodge while she had the chance.

I loved Lyla. She didn't deserve the shit she went through. I wish that her and Opie's storyline was handled better??? But as a character I absolutely adored her. She's just out here trying to make things work despite the fact that the universe repeatedly fucks her over. I just want to hug her and keep her safe. Lyla Winston my beloved.

Ima was a poorly written, throwaway character who drove me insane. My distaste for her is 110% the writer's fault.

Wendy Case. The light of my life. The ultimate turn-around character arc. I would take a bullet for the woman. I loved her and I'm glad that she made it out with the kids. Also her dynamic with Nero was better than Gemma's lmaoooo I joke I joke...kinda. I'm just a sucker for platonic relationships. But I was a huge Wendy fan by the end of the series despite her introduction to the show. This is my official offer to Drea to be my wife.

Onto Mayans...

It's harder to give an accurate eval of all the female characters because the show isn't done. However, using what we have so far, here it goes

Emily is annoying at times and I don't agree with all of her decisions, but I also don't hate her. I don't think she's a character that you're supposed to look at and be like, "Ah, yes, a Perfect Woman," because none of the characters are perfect. She is a character that has always leaned on/hidden behind the men in her life and that impacts the way she navigates through shit in the show. It's frustrating, and not always well thought-out, but you're not supposed to agree with everything that she does. Again, I think the writer's reduced her to a tension-point between Miguel and EZ for a long time and it was overdone and boring. The whole scene with her and EZ in s3 in his trailer drove me bonkers in yonkers because like...girl you don't have the right. But I digress lol. I'm curious to see what s4 looks like for her now that she's trying to get out from underneath Miguel's thumb.

I got a lot of love for Letty. I hate how they did her relationship with Coco in s3, but I'm hoping for some redemption in the upcoming season in some way, shape, or form. But she was funny, tough, and still making mistakes because she's young and has had a shitshow of a life so far. She's a fun character and I hope that they don't fuck it up. I liked the friendship that they were sort of building between her and EZ early in the series, and idk it'd be nice to bring that back somehow but I'm not sure how they'd go about it at this point. I think she has a lot of potential.

Antonia has my entire heart and I wish that she would fight Bishop with her bare fuckin' hands after the way he treated her this last season. Maybe the grief storyline has turned me into a soft bitch, but I have the biggest soft spot for a woman who is trying to live her life and honor someone that she loves so much who isn't here anymore. She's trying to be a good wife and mother and she's making moves for her family and I respect the fuck outta that. More people in this universe should do that. She's the epitome of someone doing the best they can with what they have.

I would gladly let Adelita shave my head. I'm not saying that I agree with all her methods (child armies are very yikes) but I love her character. Still find it hard to believe that she would ever come close to loving Angel and I think it's weird that we never really addressed the fact that she straight-up used him to get to his father but I mean. Writers are gonna do what they're gonna do I guess lol. I'm excited to see what she's going to do next.

Gaby is another one that I've seen people shit on a lot but I don't have any strong negative feelings about her at all? Like yea she's a bit naive with some stuff but she's also just human so let's cut her some slack?? It was nice to have a breath of fresh air, some sort of attempt at happiness, through her character. She just wanted the best for people and I really can't hate on her for that. However, I will say that I'm glad she left EZ's ass and got outta Santo Padre. For her sake I hope it stays that way so she doesn't end up like pretty much every female character in SOA lol.

Nails. My girl Stephanie. She is just setting herself up for disappointment lol. When we first met her character I truthfully didn't see it going in the direction that it did. And I hate seeing women get dumb over men (because let's face it, thinking that is anything is going to go well with Angel at this point is d u m b) so that's frustrating. But she's not bad. She's just lost and grasping at straws. Bless her entire heart I hope things work out alright.

I wish that they did something else with Hope's character besides making her "Coco's Downfall". Idk what I would want them to do with her exactly, but I just don't like that they turned her into this big hindrance for Coco's character. Also, and this is more about Coco than her, but the fact that he chose her over Letty grinds my gears to this day. But that's not Hope's fault lol.

We know nothing about Erin but she just seems chaotic and fun and tbh I love that for her. Was I hoping that she would square up with Miguel at one point? Absolutely lmao

If you made it this far, thanks for coming to my TEDtalk. All these women deserve better. Obviously, if you have other questions or thoughts feel free to send them my way I love talking about this shit lol

[urcharactersclasspect]

A thought on the most common classpects post; there's something to be said about those who are the type to, well, read homestuck, let alone those who try to understand how classpecting works and know what their classpect is. Regarding, at least, what the most common one would be for each respective aspect.

Coming from the kind of cringe individual to use the classpecting thing as a party trick, a lot of the people I've read were not the type to ever. Read the webcomic. Let alone care what they'd be amongst the canonical 14 classes and 12 aspects.

Tl;dr, I think the reason those are the most common are because, you're right, they are. Of the type of people to want to get into classpecting, at least.

Of course. I'm a light player, so that means I'm always right no matter what glad to see people acknowledge this

jkjk

Joking aside, Yeah, even a lot of homestuck readers don't always care too much about any of this too depth let alone people who don't care enough to even read homestuck much or at all, not like I can blame them though lol.

Although in my personal experience with somewhat generic classpects like Witch of Light, where I've seen it probably the most, it comes into 2 different ways both in more in-depth classpecty types of areas and just with people who just wanted a classpect and got Light on the test hussie made and just went with the coolest sounding class and just don't really care, they just wanted the cool title. Like Jade Harley was their favourite character, so they just went with a Witch as a default without putting much thought into it beyond that, and it is obviously pretty common as a result of probably people like that more than anything else, its not necessarily bad or good, but its something to acknowledge about that post and posts like it; as if these same people did think harder I'm sure they might just be something way different in a lot of cases and it's not exactly a 100% concrete of whats the most legitimately seen classpects through any serious analysis, it's just what I've seen as the most-used overall since I've been in the fandom roughly.

But on that note, I also feel like whenever somebody hits the nail on the head for themselves even by sort of accident when not thinking too hard about it either, when it comes to some classpects, it always tends to be genuinely AGGRESSIVELY obvious that they are definitely that classpect. And that tends to happen p often too. Where somebody will just fit so right that if they tried to be anything else it just feels so wrong.

This is kinda the case for a lot of Blood or Breath players I've met specifically speaking though. usually, even if they aren't the types to go too hard with the analysis, they get the feel for their aspect very easily or almost automatically, and its easier to tell if they really do match up to what you know about the aspects in question even if you go further into it than them. They really do just tend to slip into their classpects like god damn slippers.

[calpalsworld]

Not "autistic anon," but also autistic, (being called maybe ableist made me want to put this out there before go to bed) i thought Zane was depicted that way purposefully by the writers. He has stereotypical traits like taking things literally, and has an actual humor switch. The writers have done things with Zane before like have him lose bodily autonomy (during that one Wu's teas short) and did something with his voice be it making him unable to be understood or talking too loud and the forced pirate voice by Jay. (what you're doing isn't too different from that, right?) I thought it was just a little iffy to distort his body and memory bc that could be interpreted as something not that I'm sure what exactly, it's some kind of disability. I dunno. I'm not good with putting this to words. I hope this makes sense.

Sorry I went to bed but now I’m awake 😭

Also I ended up totally spilling all my thoughts here rather than only specifically replying to you please forgive me context: my scary zane concept design, & my ninjago rewrite i refer to a lot 

Im a little confused but I think I get what you're saying? You're saying the Ninjago writers absolutely DON'T write Zane well (you listed examples of this) and you don't want me to fall into the same trap?

I had the opposite logic earlier. I thought: If Ninjago writers made Zane have stereotypical autisitic traits while also being a dehumanized robot, I may as well embrace it, say he is autistic blatantly, while also making him do funny/cool non-human robot things, so its clear as possible the two aspects of his character are literal and separate and not a metaphor for each other. But you're right! I do have a choice and I dont have to embrace things! :)

Like there were a couple ways I was gonna reject the original, for example, I never wanted Zane to have a funny switch, and I hated how other characters could fuck with Zane and he didn't even care 😬. I want to change that stuff. So youre right, if I am changing shit like that, it would be counterproductive for ME to GIVE him MORE traits along that theme. 😬😬😬 I should try to feel less obligated to portray Zane like he originally is. I still like the concept of "scary zane" (for reasons i explain below the cut) but I might tone it down a bit like with the claws and weird proportions and shit. I’d def make him look more skeletal and undead. That was my original intention, but i didnt execute it as good as I could have.... idk if anyone could tell thats what he was supposed to be like...my bad! But rn I dont wanna redesign him I wanna draw other stuff like normal alive Zane. Sorry LMAO 😳. Like I said in some earlier asks I think, I think Im gonna focus rn on how I should portray season 1 normal not dead Zane so thank you and feel free to share any other Zane thoughts ^_^ SOME OTHER THOUGHTS:

Also I Wanna Argue Some Stuff But I Understand its a Weak Argument Since All of This Context was Just In My Brain (so don't take this as an argument, just as me rambling): I don't want messed up things to happen to Zane and for it to just be ignored. I think if Zane is going to have fucked up things happen to him, as all characters must, its best for it to happen during a season where he actually addresses his feelings about being a robot (learning to accept that he will always be himself, regardless if hes "human" or the "original" or whatever. (thats how I always interpreted his emotions)). But I wouldn't have the other Ninja be very phased by Zane's looks because the whole point is they already love who he is (seasons 1-3 were about getting to know Zane) and now Zane himself just has to learn the physical, robot part of him is okay. Its about person-hood rather than humanity. Because the season focuses around Zane's soul, and because he lost his original body, I feel like I could mess around with his current, temporary body and have fun and make it scary. Because that body should be irrelevant. I understand it possibly being upsetting for an autistic character to be designed like this, but other people I talked to see it the opposite way. They find it comforting for him to look so different but still be himself and be so loved. SO IM ABSOLUTELY NOT saying its wrong to be bothered or to hate it or to feel any way. Just that I personally think it would be cool for Zane to be portrayed with a little spice lol, so thats why I like scary Zane for season 4.

Another Thing I Wannna Say But Is REALLY Hypocritical: (this isnt directed at anyone I just REALLY want to say this) I know I say "this is Zane but scary, he looks like fnaf" so he's obviously dehumanized, but I always felt like "scary" is more of an objective fact. Its an instinct. But what's "not human" is subjective. I think there is a problem with saying anything different from "average" human is dehumanized because that could extend to real people. Lol I know its bad for me to compare FNAF-ass Zane to real people, but I mean he could be real. People can have exposed teeth, and people can be shaped weird. And when someone first sees a person who looks like that they'll probably think "woah those features are scary" by instinct. And that surprise doesn't make someone ableist obviously. But bring that person’s humanity into question is NOT an instinct, and is fucked to shit. This is kinda a bad point for me to make since its about the fictional FNAF Zane I drew, and I am NOT implying ANYONE was thinking like this. [especially not the original asker anon who I am totally forgetting about at this point OOPS]. But I just thought it was an opinion of mine I couldn't go without mentioning when talking about dehumanization and disabilities.

^^^ I think you (anon) understand what I mean and might’ve said the exact same thing as me if you were writing a long ass response? I think this because you started to bring physical disabilities up and you said it was "a little iffy." ^_^ So we agree, but I don't see Zane's relation to real life disabilities as "a little iffy" I see it more like "complicated"? IF THAT DIFFERENCE EVEN MAKES ANY SENSE?????? I feel like a lot of things about Zane are really just complicated and need the right context, rather than the concepts necessarily being wrong -- NOW THAT I THINK ABOUT IT! THATS THE WHOLE REASON I DO THIS STUPID REWRITE! XD thats why a lot of my rewrite SO FAR has been the same concepts and plot beats, but different dialogue n specifics and such. I like a lot of concepts in Ninjago but I dont think they were presented correctly.....! :( So I guess all we can do is wait and see if I make Zane offensive or not....???

Also something about the memory part - yeah i agree i was surprised no one thought that was weird to make jokes out of his memory issues..... BUT I am like 100% firm on making his memory take longer to come back because I think its stupid how quick Zane was able to recover from literally dying. Like its just dumb to me. Hate it. (also bc memory & soul mechanics is ummm kinda important in my rewrite.... for reasons). Another memory thing btw, I was going to make his original amnesia come from hitting his head in an attack against the Skulkin when they stole his dads corpse, rather than his dad fucking choosing to make him forget. (its a sweet & iconic scene, but Um, WHY?!!!?!?!?!?) He has to follow data recovery instructions he finds in his dads diary. I think in that context it makes moments of memory loss somewhat different for Zane's character? Instead of loss of autonomy associated with disability, its a literal violent loss of autonomy associated with being traumatized by physical force. Idk how to phrase it exactly but I think that makes some vibes different?

Sorry, I think I got really distracted, and I don't know if I responded well to your points. Because uhhhh I think I agree with your stance actually? If I understand correctly? Fuck Ninjago writers for making the robot lose autonomy (a stereotypical robot theme) while also making him seem clearly autistic (NOT A HAPPY THEME FOR AUTISTIC PEOPLE) and not addressing it. And also auuugh Zane with a weird body is a difficult topic - kinda sussy pretty iffy.

Lol anyway idk if this made any sense and I REALLY rambled on you. but this was nice 👉👈 more Zane criticism pls love you and i love zane. i hope u dont feel mad at me because then it would be weird that im saying that lol. if you do feel mad at me tho you can send another ask (ILL TRY TO JUST LISTEN NOT RAMBLE NEXT TIME) but assuming ur chill rn, love you thnx

Take this page, don’t mind cole’s ass.

[resinatingbeauty]

A 'Witch Shop' Owner's Plea Before Casting That Love Spell

I don't personally offer many spell kits, mojo bags, etc. In my shop and avoid selling my 'Craft', as in, I don't advertise or list spell casting among my offerings, though I have had a couple of customers specifically ask if I could perform a spell I offered as a kit on their behalf for whatever reason. This is because I personally believe that the journey is just as important as the destination in witchcraft and many of the spell kits / spells I do offer are designed in such a way to soothe, relax, release, and heal throughout the process. Honestly, in addition, I really don't want the responsibility associated with performing magick on someone else's behalf for many reasons. The strength of my intent is not going to be as strong as yours, for example. Even if I effectively channel your energy, creating that personal connection between the beneficiary and the intent or purpose of the spell work is incredibly difficult at a distance. I'm always wary of other shops advertising this type of service- the sad truth of the matter is our little niche has been permeated by scammers, con artists, and frauds looking to take advantage of anyone looking for a solution to whatever it is that has them at this low point in life. I will tell you, more often than not it's love spells that the customer is after, and they are apt to find many options on Etsy, the platform I primarily do business on, and beyond.

I distinctly think of one potential customer who had contacted me one night obviously very upset. My heart went out to her immediately - I could just tell by what she was saying and how quickly she responded to me that she was in a state of panic and extreme emotional distress. She isn't the only one, but she stands out from the others as her desire to win back her ex lover was so strong it was evident that she would do anything and (potentially) pay anything for a chance to get things back to the way they were in her love life.

I am a human being. I have been given this amazing opportunity to pursue my passion to share my creations and spiritual / metaphysical knowledge with the world through my work. I understood a long time ago that this also meant I had a responsibility to do my best to help those in need and never knowingly harm, much like a doctor commuting to the Hippocratic oath. This may make me a flat out horrible business woman, but I would rather not sell someone on something I don't believe is going to help their situation. In fact, love spells usually make things worse. I'll get to that momentarily.

"Is there a spell to make her see what she has done wrong and to make her love and want me again?"

I allowed this customer to explain to me the situation and took the time to hear her out after telling her that I'm sure that she could find something like that elsewhere and someone else willing to sell her a spell kit or cast that spell, but I urged her to take a deep breath and talk to me before she did something that she would regret.

Thankfully, she spent the next hour or so explaining her situation and elaborating on everything that has happened in her relationship. It was one of those on again / off again things that so many of us get trapped in. Understandable, considering once you establish that strong bond of love, whether one sided or not, it's incredibly hard to cut that cord and move on especially if you're so emotionally invested (and maybe even financially invested) in this other individual who has had your heart for so long you can't imagine giving it to anyone else.

This PSA goes out to the broken hearted of all walks, as this is a universal experience for anyone who has been in love. There may not be someone to stop you from pursuing what you think will fix everything as I did for her, but I'm hoping if you read this, you'll think twice about acquiring and performing love spells or any magick in hopes that it will provide a quick fix to any situation.

•Beware the Opportunistic Con / Scam

Our field is flooded with scammers, con artists, and frauds that exclusively cater to those in this sweet girl's position and anyone who is vulnerable due to emotional distress or panic. Whether you need a love spell like she did to win back her ex or a quick fix to get more money in the bank or what have you, beware those that have used spiritual advisory and witchcraft as a means to peddle you their high priced garbaged. This is a tough one, as you may have a hard time deciphering what is 'legit' and what isn't, but there are some signs and facts you can look for when browsing these shops / websites.

-They promise / guarantee results within a specific or unrealistic time frame

Magick takes time to manifest and the true story is that nobody has a 100% satisfaction guaranteed spell book. More often than not, when spells come to fruition, it often isn't quite the way you would expect it to, either. Anyone promising a quick fix to anything is most likely just trying to take advantage of you when you are vulnerable and you better believe there will be no money back guarantee if said garbage doesn't work for you. OR, they like to do one of these:

-"Oh, your situation is worse than I thought. You're going to need this and this, with a huge $$$$ price tag."

This starts a never ending cycle of you pouring money into this scammer who will make you believe that it is necessary to do so. That maybe if you did throw them an extra $500 for their thingamajig that you will get what you want. This is only the beginning, as when THAT doesn't do it for you the way you would like, they will claim some other interference, maybe you're cursed or under psychic attack, and need something else even more expensive and elaborate to take care of that before you can even get to what you went to them for in the first place. Anytime someone proposes this type of thing, stop while you're ahead and don't provide them with a guaranteed cash flow that you aren't benefitting from at all. Also, be wary of ANY seller who makes outrageous claims- overnight changes, curing cancer, etc. Are unrealistic expectations.

•Understand What You Truly Need

Maybe it's time to consider an alternative path. The customer I spoke about DID ultimately purchase a tarot spread, which I was much more inclined to do for her than some love spell to win back this girl who has repeatedly broken her heart over the past few years and obviously got a kick out of it, the way she told it, as it was ALWAYS her doing the breaking up and blocking, starting all the drama. I told her I would much rather give her a spell to find her twin flame / soul mate than to win this person back who has perpetually been hurting her and taking advantage of her kindness.

Sometimes it's time to cut the cord before more damage is done. I understand it isn't easy to move on from someone you have loved and cultivated a relationship with over a long period of time, regardless of the negative energy that has invaded the relationship, we DO tend to focus on the positives, which leaves us a bit biased and blind to what we could have and deserve to have.

Take a moment if you are in a relationship situation like this, are beginning to question your current relationship, or are considering taking the next step in any relationship. Sit down with a pen and paper. On one side of the paper, write down all the things you love about that person. All the ways you think they have been the light in your life (be honest and give credit where credit is due!). Now on the other side, list the negatives or cons in your relationship. If one list is noticeably longer than the other, depending on which side it is, it may be time to consider breaking it off, giving things another shot, or taking things to the next level. Ask yourself;

-Do they support me in what I do, even if they don't understand or necessarily agree with it? (So long as it is something healthy -obviously if they're supportive of a bad habit or detrimental behavior, this is more like enabling and not a good thing)

-Do they have my best interests at heart more often than not?

-Do they show that they care? Even in the smallest of ways?

-Could I call them my "best friend?" Am I honest with them?

-Are they honest with me?

-Do they lift me up more than they put me down?

-Do you want the same things in life / have similar priorities?

-Is our relationship valuable to them the same way it is to me?

•LOVE SPELLS NEVER WORK THE WAY YOU WANT

This is the cold hard truth about love spells. Forget the warnings in movies and books, as it is hard to believe them or even take them as a legitimate warning when you haven't had the displeasure of experiencing what a love spell can do for yourself. I have, so you don't have to. This is MY story:

Of course love spells are very appealing when you're a young and naive teenager. I had a strong crush on this guy I had low key been stalking since middle school. I don't know why I liked him so much. Part of it I'm sure was the way he looked (hey, I'm being totally honest!) And how he came across to me. We had absolutely no interaction with each other outside of passing each other in the hallway. He had no idea who I was.

I had just borrowed a copy of Silver Ravenwolf's 'Teen Witch' (which is honestly a fantastic book for teens and young adults just starting to delve into Wiccan practices, which she follows exclusively) from a friend of mine and thought I would try the super simple love spell in the book figuring I had nothing to lose. All it consisted of was focusing on the subject, your intentions, writing their name on a piece of paper, folding it up and placing it under your pillow. I would sleep on that paper for months. I was in middle school just about to go into my freshman year of high school when I performed the spell and would forget about it up until the day it worked, a few months into my freshman year of highschool, when my crush was in the graduating class of that year- literally my last chance to make an impression.

I had gone to a local band's concert that was performing at the school's auditorium one day after classes and was just about to leave when my crush randomly approached me and started talking to me. It was like the whole world just stopped right there. I couldn't believe it. The thought of that spell crossed my mind briefly as we exchanged phone numbers.

Over time and getting to know him, he admittedly wasn't exactly my type. He was still someone whose friendship I valued, but not someone I could really put any effort into dating. About the time I realized this, his personality took a complete 180° turn for the worst. He was stalking me. Blowing up my cell phone (which was a prepaid piece of junk at that time I really couldn't talk on for more than a minute without paying a fortune), so much so one evening when I was at Jukido Jujitsu practice that I came home to something like 32 missed calls and 17 voicemails from him, each one showing gradual frustration and anger. This scared me. I knew I had to confront him about it and break this off before it got worse.

I caught him in a populated area of the school the next day before homeroom- more like he came up to me out of nowhere like he knew I would be passing through that part of the school that day- and I confronted him about the calls,attempting to gently explain to him that I wasn't interested in a relationship and I would like to continue being friends. He blew up at me and threw me against the brick wall of the school, trying to kiss and touch me in front of every single person that walked by. I wish I was making this up.

Thankfully a teacher came and pulled him off. Nothing much else was done. I did my best to avoid him and cut him out of my life entirely from that point on.

I don't know if it was the love spell or if this would have occurred anyways. All I knew was that what had been originally a very sweet, big hearted guy that was soft spoken with low self esteem became a monster in a matter of weeks. The take away from this and what I have personally seen with other's experiences with love spells is that they tend to bring out the worst characteristics of the person they are cast on and you have to be really careful what you are actually asking for when thinking about 'desire' and 'passion.' This intent can quickly lead to stalking, obsession, and not in a good way. Another customer of mine who originally came to me for my Forgiveness Spell Kit and had the desired results also, unbeknownst to me, had someone else perform a love and desire spell in addition to it. The guy that she was reverted into an obsessed jerk who decided to spread rumors about her on social media and beyond, blocked her on all platforms, and would get her friends involved in his quest to make her life miserable. Her story reflects and embodies so many I have heard over the years from others who have dabbled in such spells. When they work, it's just never quite what you had in mind.

So if you came to this blog post in search of a love spell for your personal situation or came across it when you have maybe considered one in the past or know someone who has, please take a deep breath, consider your options, and don't do anything that you may regret down the line. Remember that you are deserving of all the love, respect, support, and happiness one could give another. Do not settle on someone who offers you less and expects more, no matter how much you have invested in them, no matter how many years you have spent with them, as they do not appreciate you for the amazing person you are. I can promise you, however, given some time to heal, you WILL find someone who does.

-Samantha

(Owner /Chaos Witch/Designer)

Blursedbaubles.etsy.com

[thedreadvampy]

this is kind of a Hot Take (and rlly long) so don't feel pressured to post this

also no one cancel thedreadvampy over posting this ask if she does these are my beliefs and not necessarily hers kthx

I'm honestly really uncertain why people are so militant about aphobia on this site. like obviously aphobes are Not Nice People and it's good to be against their shitty beliefs. But I've been on this site for ~5 years and I have never, in my memory, seen an aphobe (with the few exception of like. literal nazis but their main label isn't aphobe). I have seen a lot of people who were then harassed/cancelled being called aphobes in addition to a lot of other things like (homophobic, racist, abusive, etc) but as far as I bothered to figure out, the label of aphobe came from one specific phrase they used or one post they reblogged (though I can't be bothered to Deep Research so I genuinely don't know on this one).

(I have seen casual acephobia in my own personal life. however, that is not Tumblr.)

I have seen scores of posts along the lines of "aphobes are bad" "aphobes dni" etc etc.

Maybe it's just who I follow, but it seems like there's a lot more anti-aphobe sentiment than aphobes. Which is good! It's the goal! However, I think it's possible that that anti-aphobe sentiment has not become "look how few aphobes there are! yay!" it's "there are hidden aphobes all around us and you have to interrogate everyone to know who to ostracize"

You're a fairly popular figure in the mechs/tma fandoms and the thing about Tumblr is that it hates popular figures. And more than that, you're visible, so a) people will see if you answer a bunch of questions about ace things, and b) you exist in everyone's brains more than little blogs.

to be clear. to be absolutely crystal 100% clear: I am not saying that people got together and went "let's interrogate all the popular blogs so we can pretend theyre acephobic and have fun bullying people," I'm saying it's possible that what was once a positive emotion, "we don't tolerate intolerant people" has possibly, in some people, morphed into a fear that intolerant people are hiding all around them. And frankly, that fear can be understandable (not right, not kind, but understandable), especially if they face hate irl and their only outlet for emotion is tumblr. shit, Tumblr is one of my emotional outlets.

I don't think it's bad to engage with these people in good faith, or to answer questions, but I think it's possible that some of them are coming from the "intolerant people are hiding all around us and must be ferreted out" kind of perspective instead of a "hey I wanna check that this person isn't an intolerant asshole before following/supporting them" or "I want to engage with a person who may be ignorant" (I'm not attempting to imply that you're ignorant). Im not saying "not answer their questions" this is just, like, my opinion. I'm not making a lot of actionable statements here.

that's my whole Hot Take, hopefully I made some kind of sense, I just honestly feel kind of mad on your behalf that you have to go thru an interrogation to be Not Tumblr Cancelled. If people were generally having a nuanced discussion then that would be fine but you've already stated several times that ace/aspec people are valid and deserve love and respect etc etc. which as an aspec person makes me feel that your blog is safe for me, and I don't feel the need to play 20 Questions Are You Sure You Aren't An Aphobe

I don't know how much of this I entirely agree with and I refuse to think

(not about this. just in general. today I refuse to think)

my main response to this is:

a) I think my confusion is I have less than 1500 followers I think I always assumed the You Are Now A Public Figure People Have Opinions On mark had to be higher than that but this appears to have been a totally incorrect assumption

b) I don't feel like. a threat of Cancellation except inasmuch as I don't want Kofi to eventually get any kind of kickback if I turn out to be or people understand me to be a shitty person. I didn't ask for a platform or do anything to deserve it, if I get distressed it's largely just that I don't want to be a shitty person! and I have a whole thing about. I don't ever feel secure in my ability to say I'm NOT being shitty so like if enough people start saying AH RUTH THEDREADVAMPY IS A GARBAGE PERSON I definitely do stay wondering if they're right even if I think my position is morally defensible. like I'm very easy to get into a spiral of I think that's highly defensible but maybe I'm just in denial/trying to cover my ass/self-justifying so I can avoid accountability/etc. like this is a thing and it's why I'm very uncomfortable with absolutism, a lot of my family in my experience have a phenomenal capacity for denial and for rewriting reality into something they Fully Believe despite all the evidence, and so I'm really conscious of the possibility that I'm doing that and I wouldn't. know about it. it's a really really powerful subconscious force and that's been like. a big fear point for me my whole life. that I could be being a cunt and be obviously being a cunt and be so deep in denial that it just doesn't register at all. this is like. the thing I fear most. So I DO want people to tell me if I'm being a dick because the only way I can 100% know I'm not just in denial is if I can trust people to call me in, but I really, really, really struggle with when people say I'm being a dick and I disagree, not because they're harassing me necessarily but just because it really sends me into a spiral of doubting my own ability to be sure about like, anything. at all. it's a whole unreality thing which is, uh, it's MINE to deal with, it's not something I would want to put on other people, but it very much does affect my responses and I didn't mean to write this but hey, no therapy last week and it shows.

oh also c) on reflection I don't agree that there's very little aphobia on Tumblr (although as I've said I'm not ace or aro so my opinion should hold little weight) but I do think that there's a lack of give and take, not just in aphobia stuff but also in general, in these kinds of conversations, like sometimes yeah people are actively hateful but I don't think there's any room for misunderstanding, poor phrasing, or questioning, and I understand that that's coming from a really genuine place of pain and devaluation of aro/ace experiences but I also think people jump straight to assuming active malice very fast, and often explicitly consider "actively not stating an opinion" to be an offence on the level of "actively staying a harmful opinion," which I think is unhelpful. like. we learn by listening, there are times in my life where I would have been lying at the time to agree unconditionally with something like "I think we should believe survivors" (I was a 2000s teen who hung out with 4channers) but I also was conscious of the harm that it would do to publicly debate from the perspective that No We Shouldn't Believe Survivors, so you know I waited and I listened and I thought about it and ultimately I came to a position I could say with my chest. but like. The online social more that you Have to have an opinion and I Have to hear it to prove that you have the Right opinion is. uncomfortable to me to say the least. I don't think it gives you much room to learn and improve, especially given that everything on the internet is permanent and often treated as if it forever reflects your current beliefs. like I have changed my opinions So Much since I was 16 and if someone went back through a tag on my blog to Prove My Bad Opinions they could paint pretty much any picture they wanted with 12 years of changing opinions.

anyway yeah like. no I don't fully agree with this ask but I appreciate the alternate perspective. I also did not mean to write another wall of text I'm just very much In A Brain Hole today and sometimes words Just Happen.

[thisiswhymomworries]

How did you figure out you're a man? Gender is confusing

gender is very confusing, and I just dogpaddled in this great big Confusion Ocean toward anything that made me happy

I started out by realizing that even though wearing makeup and dresses and heels made me look very pretty and that validation made me happy, I was only happy about other people responding positively. it didn’t make me happy on its own, and was actually a huge pain to do every day

so I went more “butch” and eventually started buying clothes out of the boy’s section, and that DID make me happy. to the point that I started only wearing those and stopped wearing makeup entirely

then being called she, her, anything about being a woman, started to feel really wrong and aggravating, even though I’d spent years IDing as non-binary (knowing I am Not a woman is one of the few solid facts I’ve known about myself for sure, but I went to the non-binary label before trans male) and not caring or feeling bad / dysphoric about it

idk why that changed. maybe because I just started being more open with myself about what I really wanted, and I’d also sort of “proven” to myself that I *could be* beautiful and attractive as a femme-presenting person, which was important bc my entire childhood was about how ugly and weird I was, so I guess I just needed to reverse that in my mind before I could move forward with anything else

but then once I had learned how to dress fashionably and apply makeup well and “look pretty,” my brain was like “OK we accomplished that Fuck You so we’re totally done with that now” and suddenly it just wasn’t fun anymore  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

then I went through months of reacting very badly inside my own head every time someone misgendered me as female (before, thinking I was non-binary, I personally was just sort of resigned to the fact that no one would ever realize I was nb without me telling them, and it was “fair” for them to assume I was female, so it didn’t really bother me toooo much or feel like misgendering, but whoo boy did THAT change)

and also during those same Bad Months, struggling over whether I could still be happy IDing as non-binary, and just because I Was Not Female, that didn’t necessarily make me male, but also I liked wearing boy’s clothes and the thought of being a boy made me really happy and I started dreaming that I was a boy and one time my boss told me I was “a gentleman and a scholar” as just a silly joke but my dopamine receptors latched onto the word “gentleman” for like a week of happiness, soooo

I just started doing anything that would make me happy and dropping the things that didn’t. getting a binder made me happy, buying all boy’s clothes for my whole wardrobe has made me happy, and eventually I decided using he/him pronouns would make me happier than they/them pronouns

I’ve also been in therapy for the last several months specifically to have someone to talk to about this stuff, mostly just as a sounding board and someone to listen while I figure out how to verbalize my feelings, because that’s helped me understand WHAT I’m feeling a lot. I also went through a leadership program at my local equality center that let me test out using he/him pronouns and joined a transgender support group where I’ve made friends and also talked about it all!

as for non-binary vs trans male, I eventually realized the actually important part is that I’m Not Female. right now, at this moment, I’m happiER using he/him pronouns and being a trans male. maybe that’s because it’s “easier” in a way because I didn’t have to explain much while coming out at work and he/him is more common than they/them. maybe one day I’ll realize that being binary-male doesn’t quite fit and I’m more demi-boy or even go back to non-binary

but RIGHT NOW, it does make me happy and is easy and safe (at work, with my friends, and with my mother; I am very very lucky) to use that label. since I’m never going to wake up and feel like a cis woman, because I never have in my life so I see no reason for that to be fluid or change, there’s no point in clinging to it when something else could make me happy. and even if I do need to switch to non-binary, that’s not any LESS trans. that’s not like basically a girl. my cis coworkers would still consider me different from them and would still need to get used to new pronouns and a new appearance, so holding back on IDing as a trans male just because I’m not 100% certain I’m a MAN sometimes doesn’t make sense

so that’s how I ended up making the jump to declaring I’m a man, even though it took a really long time and I have doubts sometimes. that’s all OK, and I’m just going to do whatever I need to so I can be happy and live my best life, and so should you

[transphormers]

the thing that bugs me the most abd the reason why i keep putting off rereading mtmte is. megs really doesn't deserve a redemption, but jro didn't even try. literally two issues after he's introduced into ll we have ravage telling him "you're not a monster"??? excuse me????? we're just conveniently forgetting every single thing that's happened in the past 4 million years?

Just a heads-up: this is going to be mostly nonsense cause I'm writing it all on my phone & I can't leave this unanswered cause I won't be able to focus on smth else untill I do, but tonight I'll try to write an actual coherent answer. Añyway...

I think the thing with redemption arcs is that they don't necessarily mean forgiveness, you can have a character that learns & accepts their wrongdoings and ends up doing smth to at least (if only a lil bit) try to make up for them while the rest of the cast can be like 'this is good, but it does not erase all the shit you've done' and the thing with m*gatron is that, aside for a couple instances, they forgive him before he really does anything (they almost seem to forget he's done anything at all, which i could understand with characters not native to Cybertron (key would: could) or characters that died & came back before the war truly started) and I feel like a good end for M*gatron would have been to die alongside T*rn. I really do think so, but Jro didnt dare (or maybe wasnt allowed) to do so.

I understand that maybe Jro wanted it to be a story about forgiveness and growing from your past and what not, but it felt more like an easy out than anything else (Also, we...already have Drift. And like his story isn't perfect either & it's not the same structure, but it's similar enough), which is a shame cause considering idw1 (i don't remember the exact writers) dared to show the decepticon/autobot war as smth complicated rather than as a black&white conflict where one side was 100% right and the other 100% and Jro could have used that instead of trying to paint M*gatron as the poster child for personal change (specially considering some of the real life parallels(idk if thats the right expression to use here sorry :( ) he choose to use as a way of showing just how terrible the decepticons could be. (Which is also a whole other story considering the inspiration (again idk if thats the right way to put it) they used for m*gatron's backstory, but idk if im the rights person to talk about that)

It doesn't help that later on we had the whole mutiny ordeal which, not gonna lie, I was in favour of before it went from complicated to nightmarish, but that's another entire story.

Also, the ending..... Like yeah. Ok. He got executed in one of the ends, and? It doesn't make me feel anything, it doesn't tell me anything and I feel like, even if we argue that he did have a good development and that he changed for the better, he still deserved to get some kind of punishment, and to put that in the "bad ending" is just..... I have no words.