#2023: my so called life

[kinetic-elaboration]

July 26: My So-Called Life 1x19

And so I have finished another My So-Called Life rewatch. I love this show. I want to watch it again and I want to write The Fic and I want more, just, like, in general.

As far as finales go, this one is basically perfect. It holds the right balance between satisfying, complete ending and tantalizing hints of the future and including the motif of the dreams was really smart. Rickie reaches a major milestone, and Sharon and Rayanne make their friendship official. And that Angela feels like she's at the beginning of a story and not at the end is wholly appropriate. It's an inflection point. I don't even necessarily read it as a cliffhanger or a set up for a season 2 that never happened. It's... the story with Brian this whole season has been that she doesn't know his feelings for her. Now she does. That (part of the) story has concluded. The knowledge is definite; there is no cliffhanger. It's just what she does with it that is left forever unknown.

And in her relationship with Jordan... in some ways they made no progress in this episode at all. That's a much more open story. Because, when Brian wrote the letter, he spoke over Jordan. As Rickie points out, Brian is using Jordan to explain his own feelings to Angela. The letter is about Brian. Jordan explains himself to Brian, and he explains himself (actually really well and coherently and in a moving way!) to Patty, but he says very little to Angela, with one notable exception. It's not that Jordan is a bad choice or that he's a bad person or that Angela wouldn't forgive him or understand his side. It's that she hasn't had the chance.

It's interesting that the one honest conversation he does have with her, he says that he dreams of knowing the right words. He's come a long way in being able to express himself but he's still learning, and it's especially difficult around Angela because he is now where she was in the first episodes. The turn tables etc. She's even wearing his jacket, or a similarly styled jacket, in the early scene where he's trying to small talk with her and she's not having it. Being able to say the right words, for someone who has had very little practice in doing so or need to do so, is really hard. But what's interesting about his dream is how it relates to Angela's dream, which is also about him. In her dream, she has all the words. Maybe too many words. But they're useless because he doesn't acknowledge her. They both understand their relationship the same way: she has all the words, and he has none. But for her, his silence turns him into an object she can just vent her rage to (a satisfying feeling that makes her feel powerful), and for him, his silence is a nightmare, and in the good-dream version, he's able to break out of it.

Tony Poole is obviously a Jordan substitute or symbol, and I think it's easy to read that situation as a road map to Angela ultimately picking, and staying with, Brian. It's easy to lose yourself in someone who is also lost, but eventually, you want to come home. Lose yourself with Tony and Jordan, come home to reliable old Graham and Brian. But Tony grows up into a responsible adult! He owns a restaurant for 12 years and then a car dealership. He's married. He won't drive while on sudafed just in case. And Graham, that wet noodle, is about to fuck someone else lmao. If Tony is the future Jordan, that's a sign Jordan will turn out okay. He might even be a reasonable person to come home to.

For what it's worth, I do think Angela and Brian will date. I mean, now that she knows the letter was his, she has to date him. And it's fairly obvious that Jordan isn't ready for her. But I think Brian and Angela would be bad for each other as romantic partners. It's hard for me to explain, at least at the moment, but I think they'd bring out the worst in each other. You see it in their fights, in the way they fight. I think they're excellent friends but they both have a sort of snotty and mean side to them and I think they would amplify that in each other if they were partners. But they have to see it doesn't work to become better friends.

The weakest part of the finale to me was the adult story line, but they've been the weak link since the introduction of Hallie. I'm sorry, I actually do like the restaurant story line, the idea of Graham as a chef, and Hallie has her less-obnoxious moments. But I don't see Graham as being interested in cheating; the whole idea that they're on the precipice of an affair just rings really false to me. She has a crush. He's oblivious. We leave them right on the precipice of something, so close that a S2 would have to address it by having them at least kiss and then the fallout etc. etc.--and all that is lame because seeing Graham and Patty have a good and functional marriage is one of the best parts of the show, way better than angsting over some stupid meaningless kiss. I guess what I mean is Hallie is no threat to the relationship, not really. She's not Patty. And it's just a shame to me that Graham and Patty are left in such a crappy place, because their relationship is so much stronger and more meaningful than that.

I have some pretty strong ideas about what I think should happen next, including even years into the future, and I'm so attached to these ideas they're basically canon for me, so in some ways, the finale isn't that painful. Except when I'm actually watching it and I just feel so emotional about it. The letters. The conversation between Angela and Brian. The last shot of Brian on his bike. Man it's such a fucking good show.

I miss it already.

[temeyes]

Slip-Up

[fobyotes]

the connection is silly hat your honor

[narcissus-dot-png]

CRINGETOBER '23 DAY 9: Crossover ship/Rarepair

*in marge simpson voice* i just think they're neat! :]

[red-moon-at-night]

You know what. I hope, when I open youtube dot com to watch Cat on 26th July that Kazui Mukuhara IS the cat. and we just have another Muu situation except everyone is cats instead of bugs

[eeveekitti]

pspspsp. can you pitch the basic plot of entropy: zero to me in the way you would if you were trying to convince someone to play it

anon do you know what youve done /silly

[here's just the game descriptions for those who don't want to see 200+ words about a half life mod]

do YOU like half-life 2?? and optionally the HL1 expansion opposing force?? have YOU ever wondered what it's like to play as the combine?? well that's the entire pitch of this free-to-play HL2 [EP2 apparently, didn't know that] mod!

in entropy : zero, you play a combine metrocop, stranded in the unheard of city 10 almost a year before the events of HL2. your job? surviving the harsh cold, and taking down an entire rebel base!

fighting your way through the rebel outposts and working your way into becoming more and more of a threat is the fun of the first installment in the entropy series.

entropy : zero 2 is a much more character-driven game, and what attracts most people to the series, following a much more talkative and very interesting iteration of our protagonist.

this time, you pick up the story after the events of HL2, hunting down well-known resistance member judith mossman in the north. there's actually so little i can say on entropy 2, so much of it is character-focused, but i promise you it's super super good!!!

and a personal funfact: ez2 is my favorite game ever as of current [even above rain world!! and i'm a rain world blog!!] and has my favorite character ever in it!

so i highly encourage everyone who owns hl2 play these mods please please please [<- desperate for a tumblr fandom to exist] and if it sweetens the deal for you-- i'm like 90% sure they're making a third installment!!

[radio-4-is-static]

ハイパーベンチレイション | RADWIMPS from BACK TO THE LIVE HOUSE TOUR 2023

[kinetic-elaboration]

July 18: My So-Called Life 1x18 Weekend

I don't have a ton to say about Weekend other than stuff I've probably said a thousand times before... I love this episode, but the kids' story line is way better than the adults'. I just have so much affection for Patty. Trying so hard Patty. I want her to plan my vacation, and I want her to have better people in her life than oblivious Graham, annoying Neal, and... well actually Cheryl I didn't mind.

Mostly it just makes me sad when people are mean to her and abandon her.

I thought it was interesting that Graham gave Cheryl his sweater and this is played up as a big deal because what it actually showed me was, honestly, Graham has no awareness of how his own actions may read. He doesn't see that as a sign of affection, as it might be construed in other circumstances, and he doesn't see fixing Hallie's car that way either. He was not on the edge of an affair, I will maintain this forever. Really the only question for me is how that woman from the pilot got as close as she did to sleeping with him. She must have put in a lot of work.

Anyway. The teen storyline is just great. Just a fun use of all the characters and legitimately funny, and a nice break after the last episode and before the finale. I love that Rickie is so comfortable at Mr. Katimski's house. He says 'you too' before he hangs up the phone with him and I really wonder what he's saying. Not I love you, that would be weird, but like maybe something like have fun or have a good weekend or something like that? Idk. It just feels so domestic and home-y and I love that for him. I also love that Rickie is like finally getting what he wanted: not just a stable home environment but also just some rest? He doesn't love the drama. He is exhausted from so much Rayanne. He wants the quiet anniversary party with the oregano seasoning. He wants to give excuses to Rayanne and hang out with Angela at her house. Which, like, same, this seems like a pretty fun lounging around weekend to me.

Because I do actually legit ship Brian and Rayanne a little bit, their interactions were fun for me. Brian on top this time lol.

Rayanne is definitely burning some bridges at this point but the thing is she does attract people to her. Brian, Sharon of course, Danielle. She's one of those people who is simultaneously a mess and also very magnetic. Her conversation with Danielle was interesting... She sees everything around her in slow motion and she just needs something to happen. A sign of immaturity? Of something... diagnosable? To me it's just so very her in a nutshell. She cannot be still. She cannot just be with herself. I'm sure in some ways being handcuffed for over 24 hours really sucked, her nightmare in some ways, and in that sense I can see why she'd try to run as soon as she's free, even if that is a very jerk move. She's so over the top in this episode (calling herself Raygun?), so obviously faking...everything, except that conversation with Danielle, it's like red flags everywhere of the place she's in.

The moment when Angela sees Danielle and Rayanne sleeping together was very touching. Like sisters, except Rayanne isn't her family, she's not even in Angela's life anymore. But Angela still knows her so well, as the last bit with the key showed.

I was really obsessed this watch through with this line about the hardware store not being open until Monday. What sort of hardware store isn't open on weekends? What sort of stores are not open on weekends other than like maybe Sunday in the blue law sense? But Saturday? Does this whole suburb of Pittsburgh just shut down for 2 days every week? Do people who need wire shears have to take time off work, like vacation hours, to go run their errands? Why is the Pleasure Center still open? I have so many questions.

Also I think we were really robbed a scene of Brian and Sharon at the Pleasure Center.

Or Brian and Rayanne. Just for fun.

[bustedxblue]

As the great Dr. Ivo Robotnik/Eggman once said: I miss my (male)wife, Tails. I miss her him alot.

... He's so cute during the Skinny Ape performances. His little waves, how he gets up and down with his lanky legs, how he stands pigeon toed, how he everything— why am I getting so flustered when he is just existing?

[eosofspades]

every single person making gifs of the little mermaid 2023 on here is more talented at lighting, coloring, and editing than the actual moviemakers

[yurtletheturtlehenderson]

Anyone else kinda wondering if during the whole Kendom plot there's a second (Ryan Gosling) Ken thats in Barbieland and is the one facing off with Simu Ken and maybe even its just a big fight for who is the one true Ken? No? Just me? Alright cool no worries

[carcinized]

i dont know how to express to someone who has never played womens soccer what lindsey horan's goal today meant to me (and girls everywhere) but like . holy fuck im not kidding when i say that changed my life. my mom straight up cried

[ffrogie]

didnt call for that in our year 2023 we would be getting a dnpg google feud.

what a fucking time to be alive-

[cocotome]

I listened to the latest Dangerous Reunion with guest Yuzuki Ryouka and let me tell you! There was so much flirting going on between her and Hirarin!! So much happened! Check below~

Yuzuki was given a chance to ask anything to one of the hosts and she seemed really interested in calling Hirarin by something other than his last name (Hirakawa-san). She asked him in a super small voice and he was like "Oh, well just call me by my first name" like it was no big deal! People were saying Hirarin was too relaxed (probably because she's younger than him) but her reaction was so funny! She couldn't believe he said that! She tried saying "Daisuke" several times but couldn't get his whole name out. He also said that he was kind of envious of Koniyan calling her "Yuzu" when she first arrived. They haven't worked together much in the past so they're not exactly friends or anything. Of course she agreed when he asked if he could also call her "Yuzu."

Then there was Koniyan who was the biggest instigator lol! A couple times he mentioned they sounded like a middle school couple with how shy she was. He made sure to point out that she called him "Konishi-san" while she continued to call Hirarin "Daisuke" without hesitation XD! When Hirarin was calling her by her first name, she started stuttering and told him to stop calling her that or she'd fall for him! A few minutes later, Hirarin said he'd been rejected by her lol! Koniyan's fans kept asking Hirarin's fans if they were ok but they all replied that it was really cute and how they were having a lot of fun!

When the show first started she mentioned that her air conditioner at home was broken and how hot it was. By the end of the show, she said "Let me go to your place, Daisuke!" and he was like, "Come on over! You can take a cold shower too." Of course the comment section went wild lol!

After listening to it, I have a new fear of Hirarin and how casually he flirts! He's so blunt and he sounds completely serious when he says stuff lol! His danger level keeps increasing! Overall, it was a lot of fun to listen to and I'm so jealous of Yuzuki!! Listen to the first half for free here!

[kinetic-elaboration]

July 12: My So-Called Life 1x17

After a long hiatus, I return to MSCL. I just love this show so much. I want to write the fic. I do. It would require probably constantly watching the show on a loop at the very least to keep motivation up but... that's a sacrifice I would be willing to make.

Anyway. This was a particularly emotional episode. It really emphasizes to me the ways this has become an ensemble show. The plot both only works because and is so much better because all the characters are involved, and they all have these long-standing relationships with each other. They can all spread the gossip among each other. And the fallout for Rayanne is so devastating because it affects multiple relationships.

The scene where she talked to Patty really underscored this, because she comes in fairly sure that Patty will side with Angela (duh). Angela is angry with her; Patty probably will be; Sharon is; Rickie is. They're all closer to Angela than to her. Even Rickie, her closest friend, thinks it's impossible to be on Rayanne's side, and probably not just because of what she did, but because their relationship has been fraying for months. So when she says at the end that she's lost everything, even though she just lists "a really good friend" as everything, she's right: she was building all these bridges and now they're all burning, without anyone really knowing her side.

I thought it was interesting that Rayanne said she'd never hurt anyone this bad before because it seems pretty clear to me she did: I think staying out all night and letting Rickie think she was dead is just as bad as fucking Jordan, honestly. The way Rickie said he was picking out clothes for her funeral is just burned in my mind.

Yet Rickie is the only one who does see her side, and my interpretation is that he gets there on his own, just from knowing her. Rayanne always wanted to be Angela, and this was how she did it. It's so ironic, isn't it: Jordan and Rayanne weren't trying to hurt Angela, but nor were they really trying to be with each other. The betrayal is in stupidity, in a way, and recklessness. They both love Angela more than anything but feel rejected by and distant from her; that's what they bond over. I'm not saying it's a compliment to her but it's like... it has to do with her and it has nothing to do with her, all at once. It's not a love triangle, and it's not revenge. If Angela asked anything from them, they'd give it to her. The affair is a sort of proof that she holds all power in both relationships but she isn't in a position to see that.

The Jordan and Rayanne hook up is honestly one of the queerest m/f hookups ever. She is so obviously being positioned as the same as Jordan! They are both in love with Angela! I know an interpretation is certainly that they just love her in different ways or that part of Rayanne's love is emulation but like... too many other aspects of the show make more sense if you see Rayanne's interest in Angela as a crush, a romantic crush she just doesn't fully understand yet. That Angela's interest in Rayanne is very different, more clearly friendship, is repeatedly made clear. That Rayanne's interest is romantic coded, and that Rayanne is repeatedly paralleled with Jordan, is also clear. It's just!!! She's so gay for her!

I actually wish there were more scenes with different characters interacting. We don't see Angela interact with her parents at all, for example. I mean there isn't really anything new to learn from that, but I actually do think it's interesting that Rayanne assumes Angela told Patty (because they're "tight") when Angela almost never tells Patty anything, but... that's a sort of point of contention throughout the show, and it seems like they've kind of gone backwards, there, in their relationship.

Also, I think Brian and Rickie's established friendship deserves more than "I have no one else to talk to about this so I'll just talk to you."

Brian is, in some ways, kind of the worst. I'm a Brian apologist but also someone who believes he needs apologists. I'm like Tarantino but less violent LOL. Also it is super fucked up to video Rayanne and Jordan like that and it's sort of wild that no one mentioned that, that they were more obsessed about what was on the tape than, like, how we generally don't tape each other's private moments? Especially in 1994, when people weren't used to constant invasions of privacy? Anyway, Brian confirmed canon voyeur and Rayanne confirmed canon exhibitionist, I think you can see where that is going.

Brian and Angela have such a weird, like, almost domesticity to their relationship. I know she invades his room so easily because she single mindedly wants the tape, but I think that's also how they are. They are used to being in each other's space (well, Brian might be semi-self-conscious about it), used to each other. A sort of intimacy about it almost.

Just as we know Rayanne was calling Angela off-screen, and Sharon has been telling Camille about the Sharon and Angela fight, but not why, I think we can extrapolate that Rickie told Mr. Katimski about the whole drama. All of it. Like he absolutely knows what he's doing in the final scene when he positions Rayanne and Angela across from each other and tells Rayanne to think about having lost everything in her life. Oh gee whiz.

I probably had other thoughts but I am FA-DING. Gotta get to bed.

[katyobsesses]

I just got my first commission for a crochet piece 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰 sure it's my Aunt, and I've offered a family discount but it's EXCITING none the less. I hope she agrees with the price because I am excited to get started!