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notquitequelled · 5 months

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nothing's wrong-- i'm just a STEM student...

[i rarely see stem rep-- so here’s PART TWO! (find part one here) the extended edition of ‘stoners in stem’ highlighting the parts of this life that i find myself loving ;p

Thinking of doing sectionals (Physics, Environmental Studies, Mechanics, Entomology, etc.), so if there are any suggestions you'd like to highlight, plz tag or comment !!]

TAG YOURSELF !! I LOVE SEEING WHAT YALL GET UP TO !!

slightly concerned glances being shared between even the worst of acquaintances when your mentor drops some crazy lore surrounding how they entered their field(s)

good god. the apple-cider vinegar and dish soap gnat traps. honey alternatives decidedly never cross anyone's mind (nor the threshold of the lab for that matter)

walking the fine line between the Ridiculous and the Logical during data analysis like the two aren't twin kings of ruin

noncommital shrugs when asked anything about your preferred diet or eating habits

writing exclusively with pen, or exclusively with pencil. feeling borderline disgusted having to use the other when you forget your own

'Why do you care?' 'Why don't you??'

Every documentary you watch absolutely changing your life and challenging your worldview

Either hanging onto your textbooks like a lifeline or forgetting about them as they gather dust under your bed. maybe you never bought them at all-- pirated PDFs littering your desktop

anything in jars being considered decor (snakes, regurgitated bones, praying mantis egg cases)

seeing the slant of fences, trees, and lamp posts-- thinking of all the wind and weather that's passed along the same path you have

TREEHUGGER !!! HA HA

the clean quiet that hangs over the linoleum early in the morning; the warmth is not so subtle now that you've rolled up your sleeves.

teaching everyone around you how to bypass PAY FOR ARTICLES because knowledge should always be F[ree]INED [inspect, gear, disable java]

having to just sit by n watch while someone pointedly ignores your input, and a totally avoidable incident (that could have totally been avoided) is not, in fact, avoided

dealing with the consequences of that incident for the rest of the experiment/project

blank stare, lips in a placatingly firm line as you nod along with the stern talking-to you're being given. their words going in one ear and out the other because you're already thinking through another way under admin's nose

whaaaaat ? how'd those locally indigenous species just pop up everywhere overnight, ha ha ? wow nature is crazyyy

digging through public records for one reason, only to uncover an entirely different can of worms about the institution you frequent

digging in the literal dirt and uncovering literal worms lol amirite guys

'Please remember that this is just a prototype and that i'm it's in a very fragile state right now.'

going crazy trying to figure out what a specific testing company uses in their chemical compounds, because good fucking god how are you supposed to cite the evidence if you can't even label what it is?

a disastrous experiment being abandoned like Chernobyl once determined beyond salvation-- everyone curious to see how it'll develop and fester when left on its own

'life imitates art,' you think, as you finally recognize one of your unnecessarily complicated formulas being represented in your daily life

often being so bad at the thing you love that you can't do anything about it but laugh

staring for so long at something during a lecture that white begins to leech into your vision. you should probably blink a few times so people don't begin to suspect you're a reptile (even more than they already do)

'Don't.. don't look at me like that...' [speaking to a(n) (INSERT NAME OF LITTLE CRITTER HERE) you had to gently move onto a little scale to collect data]

honing in on where your talents in your field lie; the disappointment in finding your limits that turns to indifference when you remember you're still phenomenal at a million other things you enjoy

'i want to study you like a bug.'

thinly concealed irritation masked by a patient smile and a small 'mhm' when someone tries to explain your life's purpose TO you (ten dollars says they're wrong about it, too)

'and you want me to run this... on a full moon?' 'don't start with that shit again.'

yer disgust is lookin' a lot like morbid curiosity these days...

a lot of your scientific conclusions being discerned by common sense ('Please just use your cognitive functions, you guys...')

a clean earth sciences lab floor.. my white whale...

the small (increasingly large) pile of recyclable material that's waiting to be torn apart or filled with soil and plants; it topples over when people walk past, but no one can bring themselves to throw any away

'all this only cost me like... $270. which is crazy given that these're the real fuckin' deal with solid steel reinforcements.' 'man...this shit is so gonna blow down.'

leaning into the obscure, instead of away from it out of habit; seeing its effect in your daily life and work

all the plastic utensils in the dining area being stolen for diagrams, leaving behind only the reusable metalware. this is unexpectedly admirable of the engineers, if only to those who care about the inadvertent environmentalism

taking things apart to see how they work-- having very little planned on how to put it back together

'I don't know what you want me to do about that, you created it.' 'Not on purpose!'

downloading photomath during testing season. your doubt being palpable over your (in)ability to solve simple equations

carrying hand lotion everywhere you go because of how often your work has you washing your hands; colleagues and peers holding their hands out like beggars in a Mel Brooks film ('lotion... dollop of lotion for the poor D:')

borrowing chemical-grade goggles from the lab before going out to protest; supervisors giving you dubious thumbs ups while they 'accidentally' leave the key to the goggle sanitation station right by the cabinet..

'Now that you've poured your blood, sweat, tears, and other secretions into this project-- decide if you want to take it home to maintain, or have it eradicated.'

utilizing the public library, but having to double-check the internet before citing anything from the books you pour over because your city is more concerned with the way the building looks than the content it supplies

'The Martian,' both the book and the movie ... Mark Watney you will always be famous,,

'Why are you taking so many difficult classes at once?' 'My entire degree is difficult classes.'

carrying a small journal everywhere in an attempt to organize your thoughts, tasks, and reminders (you've never looked back on a single you've written, but you like to think it at least helps in the moment)

being torn between the scientific evidence that supports getting eight hours of sleep and your own hubris. you can stay up it's fine. it'll be fine.

you're not fine but at least the lab counters feel so nice against the side of your face

WHAT THE FUCK IS EVEN A KILOGRAM 🦅🦅🦅‼??!!!!!

having no idea where your degree will take you, giving everyone who asks a different vague answer

hands being littered with cuts and burns; not being able to stop yourself from touching even at the worst of times

geeking out over carbon sensors and ammonia regulators your supervisor managed to convince the department to splurge on (nothing provided by them will enter your lab for another three semesters)

being one of the most prepared people ever when it comes to disaster prep; this includes zombies

'this was not.. our intended result... someone get the shovel.'

pettiness infiltrating your daily life in the form of utilizing your talents; coding programs and drawing up diagrams and running tests just to prove someone wrong (or just to fuck with them)

studying with your liberal arts friends; both of you staring at your respective incomprehensible lines of symbols and words that neither of you have the brainpower to comprehend. most of the lights are off and the library closes in ten minutes, but you know the night staff and they've learned to keep their distance until absolutely necessary.

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kindred-spirit-93 · 10 days

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watch me wip, watch me nuh uh

excuse the awful title lol, but i was listening to the epic version of the arab nokia tune and not only does it slap, but it made me think of a very rough draft of a concept idea for a wip i had a few years ago

i hopped onto tumblr to ask a few questions and get some insight, but in the process of mentally making this post i decided i wont be able to achieve what i want the way want (in the forseeable future at least) so im discontinuing something i havent even started.

thank you for coming to my ted talk :D

curious. i like u. anyway heres what could have been if i slayed as the kids say:

the idea was a fantasy (maybe even futuristic) novel set in a place heavily influenced by the middle east and the regions history, cradle of civilisation and all. the concept idea was for two kingdoms whose rulers where raised as brothers and are very close fall into discord and disharmony after shadowy shapeshifters (bad guys) of another realm sought to divide and conquer the kingdoms and seize their assets and domains (wow this is less subtle than i thought lol)

its up to the two crown princesses of the kingdoms to uncover the evil plots schemed, weed out the traitors assassin style or sum, and reunite the two kingdoms before its too late. all of this of course while they are the most wanted on the planet. girly things amirite

the world building is very shaky and i dont have the patience nor the braincells to spare to really sit down and come up with something, but the idea was several realms that 'represent' (dont laugh at me) the primary & secondary colours, and each one has a bunch of domains that include an element and an area of knowledge, but with time and a few other factors societies merged and theres a lot of diversity and multiculturalism and its all wonderful and awesome till disaster strikes and its used against them.

for example unnamed kingdom one is the biggest producer of minerals and grain, the main colours of the kingdom are gold and green and their domain is agriculture and languages (idk dont ask)

whereas unnamed kindom two is more celestial and astronomy oriented, with colours being navy and silver (or bronze now that i think of it) and its domain is scroll keeping and cartography

now with the passage of time and the rise and fall of dynasties and all that jazz, the domains are much more mixed as a reflection of the developments of the societies (primary colours becoming seconday and tertiary and so on and so forth), many city states specialising in one area of knowledge are grouped under the rule of a kingdom. essentially the world is a big beautiful tapestry :')

like for example a kingdom being home to the worlds biggest trade route and being a melting pot of cultures and tongues and faiths, has no specific colour; all encompasing and its glorious (idk how much it fits in the current timeline & narrative but its something)

again i dont have much world building down and what little i do is very vague lol, but thats the premise. the two princessess as of now belong to these two kingdoms and are bestest best friends, mirroring the epic bromance of their fathers before them lol. they are different in nearly everyhting but they are two halves of the same soul (platonic soulmates lets go!) and fiercely love each other >:D

so yeah. 2 princesses join forces to overthrow the ultimate evil and be the awesome kickass bff queens that they are. friendship (maybe more?) saves the day and reigns supreme as it so often does, but this time theres badassery and murder involved. dark stuff and fluff too

im hesitant to put this idea up for adoption bc a big reason it came to be was me being sick of all the gross stereotypes and tropes of everything ever manufactured and perpetuated by the west and me selfishly wanting to be represented correctly in media, esp original works, so im leaving this here in a sort of grey area i guess.

suggestions question thoughts ideas asks welcome! please be my guest ^-^

#i feel under and overwhelmed at the same time #what is wrong with me #anyway yes #writers on tumblr #world building #fantasy stuff #wip #work in progress #concept idea #idk what to tag this as #my stuff #my shit #lol

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toinfinitywinning · 8 months

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this is get to know you time. the cringy name game at every camp in the world you do with toilet paper. enough.

Conversations and thoughts resembling the same level of random and incongruence of my Apple Music library. like Josh Groban is to Eminem: Mercy Me. a lot about everything that’s not a hashtag bc it just needs more attention.

Let the first (post) be first:

Hi. I’ve never done this before (like a seriously grown up blog on purpose. Just when just followed sad somewhat desperate poetry with a random live-laugh-love meme in there somewhere.) and Pitch Perfect.

BUT.

For 2 years I’ve had Long-Haul COVID. It’s a different kind of lonely

Thanks so much, amirite? —Gen-Z apologies if I didn’t use that jumbled acronym-word correctly.

It’s hard to keep up.

See? What am I talking about now and how did I get there…

Due to a very common symptom of LHC…

Again—hard to keep up. It’s there. Tho

And I have a lot of quirk so it’s possible I think you’ll “get” but are just nice not to tell me

BUT.

It’s already gone. Train left the Station yesterday.

Slipped on a penny.

Not Good. not even funny.

Teens with the gorgeous graffiti have to Go elsewhere. I’ve always been jealous of that kind talent.

Whole lot better than something else shiny thrown on the track and it’s derailed. There’s at least some innocence in a paint can.

WOW.

I have major attention and Brain Fog hurdles to conquer or shortly bypass. You might not be able to tell b/c of how My writing jumps around so infrequently.

Not true but still easier.

Mostly innocent and playful.

Sadly the attention part is this many years young.

Writing comes naturally. As it always has, strangely...

And why is healing so exhausting? Writing is therapeutic but My body says—can you not?

i know im not the only one asking that!

As if I have time for that too.

find a community of people suffering just as similarly and gain strength, tips and tricks.

Just, speak-screen edit my writing for me. Maybe a clarification fact-✔.

Just not wherever Tr*mp gets his.

Could be Truth Social. Monthly fee tho will cost you your Red Hat.

MYGAbad

Speaking I struggle with processing w/e skills I must have held onto.

BUT.

Since 2 years is quite. some. time.—I’ve shared many struggles and victories.

Like a Bell curve. Or a punk Domino falling then lining them up takes longer just to go down again in half the time. Repeat.

It’s very likely I Will try to talk about many things at once.

I really can’t help that. LOL.

Jury’s still out but I get most of my writing and miscellaneous musings from mom.

Dad can write the best, longest, and precious prayers and notes.

Almost delicately but like you KNOW he’s giving you a hug.

A Good mix tape’s paper Version.

Enter Run on sentences. Truly a stream by now.

Although my brain muscle is weak I’ve been encouraged by several people to Start a blog. Someday I’ll include the past 2 years of w/e pics are on other SocMed.

I can’t think of anything worse.

Yea, okay LOL.

Judgment free. Occasionally… like normal doses then have to work through that.

Mostly that’s because I knew nothing about anything before I opened My computer and started sharing My thoughts under zero context ridden or form at all.

More likely as well to offend and piss someone off. Well done you’re now one less friend popular. There’s an App for that tho-tracking people Who don’t like you.

Not sure where I’ll land with this. It may not land you either.

Because like a lot of us. Sometimes you don’t get to talk actually. No Room.

I like routine; that’s out. So it gets dull.

I’ve learned I hadn’t yet given myself the space to see all of things I can do sitting down.

But. By “given” I mean to say that perhaps I didn’t know it was there.

One Good thing I’ve gathered from this Hell.

Hell fresh by the Day! Never frozen.

So at that time and in this case of my life; sitting is fine.

Some of it isn’t too bad. The writing. You will find questionable punctuation. Run on sentences that I was running.

Relevance at all.

All around Confusion…altho connect the dots could have been seen as practice.

Or annoying even. I’d have no words.

I truly don’t set out to be funny. I could never do stand-up or improv. Or act.

Humor forced just takes and receives too much energy that might come off insincere.

Nothing on command.

Like Matt Perry’s brilliant improv wit it just doesn’t hit the same.

B/c it was scripted.

A syllabus for it Imagine.

The horn to jump off the swim block.

It’s when Life feels more scripted a lot of people close up.

That’s because you’re not in charge anymore. I’ve lost the Power.

Don’t prefer caring about whether someone likes me like I used to.

I believe you can snooze me for 30 days or say ‘I’m done w/ her’ and send Me to the cyberarchives.

Okay. Okay.

So—90% of the time I’m witty and sarcastic with a bit of cynicism, discomfort (for you), and pettifogging.

I write primarily about the questions of intersectionality.

How do things fit.

Let’s Fit it.

Until I figured out physics and calculus and basic math were behind a career in architecture and the classes I would have to take, I enjoyed taking things apart to make something else.

Not always pretty.

Could be Good what I took apart was the best thing we can’t see.

Like I’m writing questions but with wisdom not meaning to do that either,

A lot of people don’t like that. You do you! Baby.

I don’t mean to be at all harsh or hurtful. I try not to say that anything vainly.

I say it b/c a lot of what I’m writing is all of every piece of stream of consciousness tallied.

And it was a synapse connecting another.

Maybe that’s the creative part? The other side of My Brain is telling Me to ✔ on the other side so I’m like…crickets.

What I write is stream of consciousness, brutally honest and to some might be lightly offensive. In College writing this Way would’ve absolutely driven Me crazy.

Then life steps in and bonks u on the head with a newspaper but 15 years later returns the favor with an iPhone.

Or too blunt. And comes across as harsh. And that’s mostly because if I don’t have an emoji to match my real-life broken ღ I’m breaking up with you.

Self reflection: impulsive

I used to journal so much growing up.

When did I lose that innocence?

We can’t talk about folding paper into cranes and witchcraft finger fortune games anymore?

No more MASH?

Huh, maybe you weren’t born this Way. Ur Parents just drew circles nearest each other or your apple stem twist broke too soon and you want a partner whose name starts with P.

Very often I overshare. If you’re reading this this is not brand new information. No ability to say things simply. Think I’ve already. That can put me really vulnerable to more bitcoin hacks.

And then you need to figure out what bitcoin is. And whether Mario can collect coins as well in place of the hackers.

I’d say ask Tom Brady b/c of his investments but since retirement he’s been pretty deflated.

Mean people that mean to hurt.

First of all I feel sorry for you. Not in a poor you tho.

People Who hurt on purpose don’t often have any Way to vent or get a rise other than evoke feelings in and deflect toward a schoolmate.

Skip back to the part I tried talking about vulnerability. It truly is the invisible cloak and no one can see you but nothing makes sense still and you’ve only fixed what’s on the outside. Now you’re peeved AND cloaked.

At this conjunction junction next I’d suggest try shopping at Target opposed to Abercrombie then.

Feet in the water right above bankruptcy to see how things could be different only what…if?

Good ♧ seriously.

So there’s more grace given when you fall. When it’s not your month Day or even year!

Nobody is there for you!!

And My cloak is getting rained on.

Maybe gathering strength from falling will come a common sense with a 6th one but with seriously meaningful things I’ve learned and less hard knock’s Life for us.

The hard Way.

The bottom’s still there and it actually stinks stinks. Discouraging b/c there are two sides to the bottom of the cave full of stalagTITES and mites.

All the up’s and down’s. Right there. And the COVID-19 bat OMG!

You know you may not be able to fall any further further but once you’re up again you’re wondering whether you should get some cement to close that thing off.

Choose to live! But welcome to the real world—it sucks—ur gonna Love it.

Almost 4got. In the cave you dont always have to wait for Jesus to be resurrected if that metaphor comforts you but if change comes and it requires a whole new worm can of Life we already can’t handle that gets us outta the dank I don’t think we need to ask permission to the rights of that Bible passage.

BUT.

Until YOU are ready for change...

Forget it. At least you meant well. Someone can guide that horse to water but it stays pretty hydrated, so he says he’s Good. Promise. The only talking animal and it was Me Who got to hear it. More importantly, who’s gonna ☊? Care? There’s a country song finding out Who your Friends are. A lot stay lost and it’s not helpful all our Friends aren’t the same.

Missing a Good chance to find out if you’re in a similar predicament and that not always a bad thing.

At times I have literally had to be lifted off the floor.

I don’t do this at all for pity. As you read, My Pride is the biggest obstacle to let Go.

When you do?

The hard way through this.

I am angry and irritable for bouts. Sometimes I’m silly and invite karma punishments.

Go all Brimstone and every type fire and the Old Testament has nothing New-thinking and no one new to add to it. SMH. Nail a list on the wooden church door reading it is nearing endgame. Or, Just open your hotel drawer and tear out the back half.

So change then— If it were Me and it has been just not an actual hole I’d be outta there due to the spiders and crickets alone. Jiminy’s Cool.

If u can’t change and just stay a novice bunny hill—fine! Stay there. Build some confidence through experience.

And isn’t that another thing? Something specific motivates the fire under your (cuckoo!) and before you’d see the dark without any End of the tunnel and more importantly with the light aspect. All the sudden you care b/c what? It applies to you of course be selfish. Fascinating yet humbling.

Then there’s the ‘Why Me’ (?) phase? Not fully pitiful but just pretentious enough to resume the trailblaze. Bad attitude with a healthy dose of are we there yet and trying to Balance whether someone is saying …’they get it; you always feel bad’ so…KY Basketball banter? Ashamed accompanies too bc thing is a few times I did kind of scoff at phrases like I always feel bad. Like, here’s 2 Extra strength Tylenol.Alright, Ok, come test for Covid 1/29/22. It shouldn’t take going through something to empathize with or change but you could’ve listened for longer with a clear mind. Just cannot wrap your head around it and I think sometimes that’s okay. What’s next I’ll try so hard.

+ It’s 12:01am of 1/29/24 (so last night), you still can’t do math and/or struggle to add or subtract 12 so aren’t entirely sure its your sophomore year orientation, and you already surrender to what you didn’t want to get up for in the first place. Kind of silly u set the alarm! B/c Pain, confusion, Discomfort and a Deep loneliness that has very little to do with people awaits. That whole scenario is a disaster but look who’s standing and GOT. UP. period. 15 years ago that’s where I’d be. Just defeated.

THAT. Is enough some days. I say that to you struggling to believe the same but know Deep down.

Year 2 longhaul and youre wondering why there are anniversaries at all given about half are always sad or tragic. Evoking the worst on what could be the best. Might be something To think 2 minutes ago you’d ended your prayer to have a better Day. Of anything is true about everything happens for a reason I’d say having to chooose how to respond given you have the privilege at all to that just means were normal. B/c ill be honest I would not

I’m angry. WHAT is so complicated about your lack of Faith or belief prayer must go into an encrypted iCloud even the FBI can’t retrieve or interpret. Never had a chance! But I’ll add that it’s worth noting prayer doesn’t deal with its existence in transaction currencies..

Feel less Pain but feel more with it or stronger now. Or, just plain ‘ol numb. Similar to Addiction I suppose people get so used to being healthy one Way or another they don’t even notice better OR worse and no one is getting married.

Truth is.

Yea.

I’m in Hell, but I’m not on a ventilator. I’m not without relentless Support.

I still can smile but laugh just a bit before it hurts.

Something is always worse.

SomeONE is doing worse.

Somewhere and definitely rn.

I never knew I’d be dealing greed of perspective for this Long.

Something you’ll never find out about that changed your life’s trajectory where an explanation would have only confused things.

Then we still have the chance to be astonished and then genuine bc of that. Thankful. Expectant. With Faith somehow. Maybe carrying someone else’s Hope for a while might burden you less for a short time.

You dont need to see eye struggle and suffering. You dont need examples. You just know. There’s a fleeting peace u might not see again for 2 days but in knowing it’s not just you with the same bs going on.

Like here. Here is someone who needs support but in a different Way but how unique it could be to trade just for a bit. It’s not leg day this time remember u agreed a temp trade.

We don’t have to know everything. Most of the time I don’t give God the time to keep up w/ Me let alone do anything miraculous before I just hang up.

Although My Life was headed in a completely renewed direction in so many ways of recovery—

I got sick. Not because it was meant to be.

Because COVID. Possibly a rabid bat. Cracked vile or petri-dish

Everything does not happen for a reason and ppl dont like hearing that bc its an easy out. Says time might go on but this thorn wont ever heal. How do we respond? that’s the most authentic and a strength yes or no wand.

I hate cliché. Thing is tho…I think we all hate it b/c it doesn’t hold us accountable. Eh it’s fine.

Unfortunately we wouldn’t have the pretty, surprise, one of the Walk to Remember walks. All up to the of healing and forgiveness individual to each of us.

If for Me that means ive healed all I can and I’m counting on research to help Me out some more maybe I just keep going. Trust Me nothing is forgotten but you do know now that at least you were strong and capable enough to figure all that at all. And—I can do that. Some days aren’t that kind.

Maybe it becomes a goal we never anticipated but ✔ your resilience at the ticket line and saddle up, honey.this donkey only holds ____ lbs. let some things Go. That thing will still only walk in a circle but you’ve evenly distributed your baggage.

The feeling of pure joy. Which btw does still require a thesaurus b/c it is NOT the same as joy. Like a preventative Med to an acute one.

Then feel Accomplishment.

Not knowing what’s next but trying to be prepared.

It’s a surprise party we never RSVP’d and don’t regret it.

And it’s a Good thing u got outbid for that yacht.

Hell, tho, you won’t be forgotten but pushing helps the donkey move faster for now that is acceptable.

Unshun. Reshun. (This will make sense if you Watch the Office)

Flee fly. Be gone. Thankfully we hope to come out more resilient after the rip and tear and often not fully repaired sewing lessons.

But perhaps the biggest trait I’ve had to work on is My Pride. I want to do it.

I’ll give myself 3 strikes. 4 balls.

Then I walk to First.

Please do not get Me a gift.

I Love you and that was so sweet.

Would I be as generous?

Do u work, yea. It’s just one really hurts more and being tough isn’t tough at all if it’s not helping the worst hurt.

Those are sitting down, timeout thoughts.

The compression socks need to breathe.

But once the Pride slides over, let go, I get to know how it feels to very tangibly be taken care of and watched over.

Patience. The other side of a rant.

Later on that.

My main goal is to learn. Connect. Be called out if something comes off really tasteless.

Laugh at things that don’t have anything to do with being chronically sick. Laugh about what Medicine u had to administer and royally failed.

Sometimes all coupled with a handicap car-tag. No crutches either b/c I don’t like hearing I Will get better. It is a nice statement but it is impossible to be sure. Ive struggled with that b/c I know everyone believes that and means well I’ve just taken prior sick Gentry’s generalization and multiplied.

I am not making light. I think part of me is using the sarcasm as a coping mechanism.

Praise God there is something that does help the pain or at least distract from that Pain just not the one in your legs.

A codependency just a bit less severe. Embarrassing. Reason for judgment. Too easy.

If you can believe it—-I am not the same person I was 2 years ago.

For now I truly don’t know how. Pain can leave, anything traumatic can be worked on. You’ve got your scars.

I actually really think a scar is just unique as a snowflake or fingerprint. Telling so many stories. B/c a scar does mean something has healed. And it never forgets at one time it was painful. I’d prefer to see what I accomplish but I see wonder and beauty in them.

Things get pretty deep, complicated and downright pitifully sad. Vulnerable. Frighteningly true and relevant.

So I take what Good I can get in that day and pray those with LHC (Long-Haul COVID-19)

Be released.

However. On the flip tail’s side.

I’m 35 years aware there are some people who just don’t like me.

Until recently I wouldn’t have meant ‘sorry not sorry.’

I do now. To a respectable extent.

Reader discretion is advised. I promise I never set out to hurt anyone.

definitely not on purpose.

Because. Idgaf. Not bars being held. Que sera, sera.

complete transparency and seriously tho this doesn't mean i dont care. i wear my heart on my sleeve like a ding-dong ready to get hurt.

call it a diversion. we were on a break.

i just might take all of whatever hits wrong and turn that in to whatever ounce of assurance I can with the openness and to the best capability to learn new things and grow with compassion.

And back to writing—may already be just engrained but I don’t ever have a thesis, 3 supporting ideas or a better word then a conclusion.

You might find yourself confused. Reading it again prob won’t help.

Some will be really bad. Ugly. Waste of time. it was at least therapeutic for me.

Already is.

Even more might not make sense.

Read at your own risk, basically.

I have confidence but not really. Just enough not to care to change.

But I think about it. Because I’m wrong a lot.

challenge me. ill try to get through the fog.

But a lot of things have changed. in ways i might not even know Beauty in the Mess.

To sum up the above (sorry, there won’t be another summary after this disclaimer’s commercial intermission.)

I want to be as positive as possible.

Be in control of what I can. Ask for help for what I cannot.

I’m so ready to get My Life back. Trust Me and trust anyone Who tells your theyre in constant pain.

Really embarrassing I used to kind of scoff and be empathetic.

Funny how youre so sure of things.

Until it happens to you.

Suddenly it’s back to the drawing board and humility.

I wear my ღ on my sleeve. My greatest superpower and kryptonite.

What you read is as close to what you get as possible.

Balance can be unfair.

Please know that I care. I try harder than I ever had before. There are things I didn’t even Imagine could happen to someone when sick.

In all the ways I want to come out of this even better than what I envy I was entering into when I got sick.

There will be a WIDE range of thoughts similar to how i write. Mostly Sports and public figures and the politics I can comprehend.

B/c I know there’s someone out there who’s homeless because of this diagnosis. Or was deadly. Fired.

Divorced.

Ive become a bit of a nerd. Childish in some ways b/c you have to be creative…to be creative.

How do I even Start philosophizing that? So I don’t.

So I try My best to be the best I can. Inspire. Elicit laughter and new ways of thinking.

Questions.

Really tho? I just wanna be me.

thank you so sincerly to anything fromn a meme to a gift to a hug a prayer a smile, company, vibes if they can travel

but most of all

for holding hope when ive not been strong enough to.

For better or worse

for loving me.

making me feel heard.

idk what tomorrow holds but if its the same as today ill know at least i can make it and i am still beyond blessed and cared for and loved unconditionally.

even if forever.

wanna feel free, free.

to be me unabandoned.

changed for the better without knowing it.

some people dont have that option.

or even less the resource or safety to write about it.

Lastly mostly—I’m thankful for Insurance and the ability and privilege to work from home. And. Still have a job in general.

A Family and Family reserves holding me.

gentry.gonna.gents/g3

next. and if you made it this far, bless you.

thank you.

you mean more than you know to me. to anyone miscellaneous thanks as well and to my family and extended family and friends and job and insurance.

im in better shape than a lot. perspective sucks in the throes. selfish not selfish but my gosh turn the lights off. each journey is sooo different, but idk find the goodness and inspiration inbtw. There will be a rainbow soon enough, I wont make the bold claim and promise you one tho,

semi lastly and vulnerably, we've all been hurt. all going through something.

I say this every time something really bad happens. Ya know the ‘this is even worse,’ talk.

This one holds every candle.

Funny not funny none are the same and you’re never fully prepared.

and no one knows what it is you’re dealing.

give grace when I can’t sometimes.

cliché’s be damned lets just golden rule it b/c that one’s hard to do too but it sounds cute and Idont see a periodic table saying A! U! Be nice and welcoming.

I know I’ve forgotten something.

So I’ll fight.

But I still get to complain.

Feeling so entitled to this ill.

Sincerely,

Gentry

no ps you're welcome

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snappedsky · 9 months

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Borderlands: Skies the Ultimate Treasure Hunter

Skies joins the Vault Hunters in Krieg's mind and meets some unlikely foes.

*Reblogs appreciated*

The Fantastic Fustercluck Part 2

Within the depths of Krieg’s memories, the Vault Hunters find themselves facing off against a duo of unlikely enemies. Fortunately, they’re all about the ‘shoot first ask questions later’ mentality, so they ready their weapons as the larger of their foes charges at them like a speeding vehicle. Before he can reach them though, a different speeding vehicle breaks through the atmosphere overhead.

“Incoming!” a voice exclaims from their ECHO devices.

“Skies!” they gasp and quickly leap out of the way as a drop ship crashes into the ground. The hatch opens up and Skies stumbles out.

“Woo, catch a ride, amirite,” she chuckles as she struggles to regain her balance. “Oof. So, what’d I miss?” Her question is answered when the drop ship is lifted off the ground and she turns to see an evil, purple Brick standing behind her. “Wow.”

He tosses the ship aside with ease and cracks his knuckles. “I shall obtain recompense for the transgressions you just attempted upon my person. Indubitably.”

“What?” Skies questions, “Brick doesn’t talk like that. I’m pretty sure he doesn’t actually know any words longer than two syllables.”

“Skies, watch out!” Moze shouts. Skies turns to see a purple bird diving towards her and she quickly rolls out of the way. The bird then lands on the shoulder of an evil, purple Mordecai.

“Ay, you gonna be bird food,” he drawls.

“Okay, I’m guessing these guys are just versions made-up by Krieg’s mind,” Skies muses then turns to the Vault Hunters. “You guys handle Brick, I’ll take Mordecai.”

“By yourself?” Zane asks.

“Trust me, it’s gonna take all four of you to beat Brick, even a fake one.”

“Can’t argue with that,” Amara shrugs. They charge the beefed up muscle man as Skies faces Mordecai.

“Get sniped, ese,” Mordecai taunts as he fires his sniper rifle at her. Skies races around the arena, dodging the bullets, and shoots her pistol at him. He suddenly vanishes and reappears in another corner of the room.

“Oh, come on,” Skies complains, “Mordecai can’t teleport. He ain’t Zer0.”

#borderlands #borderlands 3 #borderlands fanfiction #borderlands au #borderlands oc #borderlands krieg #moze the gunner #zane the operative #fl4k the beastmaster #amara the siren #the fantastic fustercluck #myocs #myart

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shoutydwarf · 2 years

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people don’t call inquisition/da:d “elf simulator”/”elf age” because they hate elves and elvhen lore. Let Me Be Clear:

- elves have the most special dialogue options. even more if you’re a f!mage. bioware accidentally forgot dalish elves know who mythal is for ONE dialogue wheel and people really used it to run with the idea that elves were somehow narratively shafted during inquisition; meanwhile dwarves in the descent dlc, you know, THE DWARF DLC where you get your Crumb Of Dwarf, you get next to no special dialogue options besides being told by valta that you’re not a Real Dwarf and you don’t have stone sense (which isn’t even true. stone sense comes back to all dwarves if they’re underground long enough. this is more of bioware trying to prove all the disgusting corrupt systems in place are Acthually Correct Trollol.. that or they just forgot bc they dont care.)

- eluvians, the fade, fen’harel, everything that comes out of solas’s mouth, a chunk of WEWH, inquisitor ameridan being a dalish elf, etc is not at all narratively relevant to anyone but an elf inquisitor. spin all the stories you want to make eluvians and elvhen gods important to your non-elf OCs but off what we get in the games alone, without doing an ungodly amount of work to make it fit, what BIOWARE has established, it means nothing. you can argue that all of this is important to the inquisitor on principal of them Being inquisitor but... be fucking serious

- elves seeing the crossroads differently than other races. just another special elfy thing

- every single religion is being geared up to link back to the elves. i think we can all agree by now that andraste is flemythal and the maker is mythal (whether u think the theory is good or not is neither here nor there, bioware is so predictable at this point). and thank god she freed the dwarves from the titans, amirite! it’d really suck if the dwarves had something exclusive! (bioware if you try to paint the titans as slavers and mythal as the Dwarven Savior........................)

- you can make an argument for any of the origins in da:o fitting “the best” as canon. the dalish elf is as ignorant to the world outside of the forest as the player is. cousland is your classic betrayed hero thrust into saving the world tale. dwarves are intrinsically tied to the darkspawn/wardens. the mages are freed birds but the world outside their cage is corrupted and torn asunder. tabris/brosca is your saving the world that never fought for them back tale. they all equally mean something in unique, valuable ways to the main story and it shows through ample unique dialogue options and main quest relevance.

- can you REALLLLYYYYY say the same for all of the non-elf da:i origins? what do we got, a mercenary vashoth. a carta dwarf. a human noble or mage. all random NPCs fr. but the dalish elf who unlocks the power of an elvhen orb which leads to a slew of world-shattering reveals about the lore they grew up with and believed in? meanwhile ur dwarf/human/qunari inquisitor didn’t even know there WAS a plot twist. they didnt even know there was a plot

- all of this extra elf stuff would be perfectly fine. the countless elvhen ruins, lore reveals etc. if it was even REMOTELY evenly distributed across all the races. BUT IT’S NOT.

- it would also be fine if inquisition was a one-off elf-focused game but they used the opportunity to take from every other races’ lore and make it about elves, so now A. there’s no going back, B. the 4th game’s title is literally dreadwolf wow i wonder who the story is going to be written for, C. if i ever have to hear with my own two ears “i’ve been through shit that would make the deep roads look like a cake walk!” followed by the dwarf at the receiving end of this Dying From Being Pwned, i’m going to get violent

- the point is that it’s bioware’s fault, not the elves. “elf simulator” is poking fun at biowares pandering to solavellan twitter, not at elf players lmao

#miriam you were out of fucking pocket and if i wrote that dwarf he'd have spit on you but this is only one small problem in the grand scheme #of grievances i have with absolution lmao #sorry to have opinions today. hope u enjoy. rare shoutydwarf opinion day.#im not tagging this cuz yall can argue with the wall but feel free to rb #p

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lakemojave · 2 years

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hey so im a different person but i just wanted to tag on to that one delightful prettygender anon... between you saying your gender is bisexual, your incredible fashion and *gestures at all of CT @cryptotheism , and actually at all of you as well* i too had the lightbulb moment that i can use other, more unconventional words to describe my gender. and i have lots of fun with it, i play around with it and its brought a lot of joy and laughter to my life, like when i see a pretty sunset or a nice outfit or a cool train or a child's toy or whatever, i point and say, "that. thats my gender. im thatthing-gender," but more importantly i started seriously describing my gender as trans—like, not just that i am transgender, which i am, but that my gender itself is fundamentally and inextricably trans in nature—and it helped me explain myself to my closest loved ones and my therapist, who is helping me find even better words that fit me comfortably, and my doctor. which this is like, maybe obvious for a lot of people, but was not even an option i understood one could have, that gender can be something outside of binary male, binary female, both or neither. anyway once i understood that, i started transitioning (something i thought was not an option for anyone but binary transfolk, or at least not an option for people like me specifically.. the things you can learn when you know to ask questions amirite) and for the first time in my rememberable life i don't want to die. and ive been trying to think of a good way to tell you and CT thank you for at least 4 months now and i was so stumped, i was waaaay overthinking it, right up until i saw that other anon. so. thank you lakemojave and cryptotheism, thank you for unknowingly saving my life. and thank you prettygender anon for making me realize i didn't need a fancy gimmick or performance, i can just.. say it, like you did. im finally free. i love youse (like strangers on a bus who are wearing the same shirt can love each other) goodnight

I'm. Wow thank you. I really don't know what to say but. I'm glad we've been such a healing influence for you.

Take care on the gender journey, it's a long walk with lots of turns, but there's a lot to discover and lots of gay sex to have on the way. Goodnight dear 💜

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thiscomicruinedmylife · 2 years

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Question: Who would be a character you like/love the most or most identify with? appreciate all you do for this tiny fandom! :>

First of all, thanks!!! Just humbly reposting stuff and discuss whatever people want to discuss :) Second of all, that’s a good question!

Can’t say I wholly identify with anyone, but I do relate to a deadpan look and kind of please-leave-me-alone attitude both Gretchen and Aton are giving, since irl I have a severe case of resting bitch face and on top of that I’m introverted as shit.

As of the character I like/love… wooo boy, where do I even start… I'm gonna ramble for a bit, so please bear with me here. My absolute faves are Tim and Astaroth Matauzier and let me explain why.

Short and simple, I always like funny pathetic losers who get their asses kicked (just look at some of my other faves).

And wow does Astaroth get his ass (nose) kicked a lot.

Doesn’t help that his human counterpart Tim is a poor little meow meow, who’s also getting his ass kicked, but in this instance I just feel sympathy for him, cause here it’s absolutely undeserved.

And for the long reason why I like them… I like the creative potential they have. Not in a sense of development, but the whole concept.

So Tim was supposed to be only that – Tim. But he’s been literally split into two characters since his birth and I kinda can’t treat them like a single one. At least not fully. They were two different people for 14 ass years, how can you unify that and not have some bumps in the road so to speak. Just this fraction is already fascinating enough, how can a person grapple with being two? Two set of beliefs, two set of memories, two behavioral patterns. Top notch angst/psychology fanfic material amirite or amirite.

But it doesn’t stop there! They were presented like two separate characters and then Francis dumps this infobomb on us that Tim and Astaroth's been one person all along, which is… fine, I could run with that, but his explanation doesn’t make sense?

He claims you can’t see Tim and Astaroth at the same place at once, which implies he’s been switching between two of his personalities and teleporting between the human/park world. And then in literally a few panels he says there were two bodies he jumped between. Huh???

Also this weird line.

So which one is it? Was there a single body or was there two? I'd say it's an important difference. Either you have a teleporting dude with split personality disorder or you have one brain shared between twins.

I know this could be a translational issue, but some of native French speakers can’t understand Francis’ explanation either??? HUH?????

Yeah, I also can't for the life of me understand how no one noticed a child constantly disappearing out of thin air for 14 years straight. This weird discrepancy is what makes it so interesting though. My friends and I spent hours discussing, guessing and straight up headcanoning how this child works.

Obviously headcanon territory here, but we came up with “there were two bodies with shared but split consciousness; when one body was active, the second one was sleeping or dissociating or being awake but severely absentminded”. That way he won't disappear randomly and school bullies will have reasons to pick on him. And we headcanoned that when they've become one they were having conversations in their unified head and fought for the driver's seat, which could potentially be either funny or tragic, your choice.

If you survived this long ass ramble/rant congratulations and sorry it took so long :D But I do love this stupid child-who-became-office-rat and he absolutely lives rent free in my head.

fanart by @martapreliy

#zombillenium #zombillénium #ask response #text post #headcanons #comic panels #fanart #tim matauzier #astaroth matauzier #gretchen webb #aton noudjemet

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jellybeanium124 · 9 months

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watching a new simpsons episode for the first time since... season 32? and let's be real I don't remember anything past season 29 because the simpsons got reeeeeeeal boring. but taika is in this episode so fuck it amirite? anyways here's my reaction to season 35 episode 9 "Murder, She Boat."

wow the animation seems worse? something is noticeably worse

I like that bart is acting like a 10yo with the vroom-vroom thing. a big issue later simpsons have is the kids acting like teenagers or even adults (in lisa's case)

homer simpson: nerd hater

wow they're parodying that thing from phineas and ferb!! :D (asdfhbsdgjl I know p&f was doing a parody too)

also there was already a simpsons episode where they went on a cruise and it's one of the best damn episodes of the modern era if you ask me (23x19 "A Totally Fun Thing Bart Will Never Do Again")

ANNOYING ANNOYING ANNOYING ANNOYING

"Oh my God is that Taika Waititi?" I stg lisa's had a line like this every since since season 11. STAHP IT INTRODUCE YOUR CELEBS NATURALLY YOU PIECE OF SHIT HD SIMPSONS EPISODE

remember when simpsons celeb cameos used to be good. because I don't because it was all before I was born.

Why is everyone moving weird. seriously wtf is up with the animation they're too damn smooth

"You know it's good, because it's based on existing IP" ouch wow ouch... ouch it hurts

Comic Book Guy acting Like That™ is the only guy who works because CBG is supposed to act like that. Like CBG should be an obnoxious nerd that you'd root to see homer actually beat up lol. not any other random motherfucker!

CBG shredded bart's comic right in front of him??? jesus christ that dude sucks

You can really tell the producers were like "taika, just read the lines" because his performance is giving "taika, just read the lines"

shut up with your vegemite american writers

see it's cute when taika pretends to have a stupidly inflated ego of his own volition but when the simpsons writers make him do it I'm like "BRO ARE YOU OK BLINK TWICE IF THEY'RE HOLDING YOU HOSTAGE UNTIL YOU SAY THE LINES IN THE BLANDEST VOICE YOU'VE GOT!!!"

What... what the actual fuck was that joke with Kumiko. Like her whole character has always been kinda racist but that was such an incredibly racist joke... what the fuck actually for real was that.

The Futurama reference was cute tho.

CRINGE CRINGE CRINGE CRINGE

there was like, a halfway decent albeit tropey bart & lisa moment in there but then we went straight back into the cringe

"Of course I'll help you. Why? Because I have a medical condition that forces me to be multitasking at all times." ok can everyone shut up forever actually and stop speculating about that man. if the simpsons writers are making that joke it's time to stop

taika actually sounds like he had a gun to his head and recorded these lines for 18 hours until 3am

something weird about the simpsons going on for 35 years is that all the characters sound slightly different than they did in seasons 2-15 now. like they've all aged 35 years and you can hear it in their voices. the kids have this... oldness to them now that, even tho the voice actors on this show are talented as hell, can't totally hide (and who knows they may not be trying to because who gives a fuck it's simpsons season 35)

taika being distracted joke. haha. what if I release the bees on everyone who speculates about that.

I can't listen to the horrible lines they gave him anymore 😭😭😭 "egomaniac" isn't funny 😭😭😭

I mean like it's not like the dialogue anyone else is getting is great either, just to be clear. it's pretty terrible across the board lol. I'm just a titch sensitive to how taika (real man) is being written for... reasons... I mean maybe I shouldn't it's not like it matters and nobody thinks your portrayal on the simpsons is how you truly are. there's a time honored tradition of celebrities being portrayed as egomaniacs or fucking crazy on the simpsons when everyone knows they aren't (bette midler doesn't throw cans at people irl and darryl strawberry isn't a kiss ass... although both those celebrities have their own issues). I guess it bothers me because it is playing up something that's real and fake at the same time, and also this man is getting unduly criticized for a lot of shit rn.

Kumiko's speech was actually painful. "When we got married, I was his priceless collectible." DID NOBODY FUCKING SEE A PROBLEM WITH THAT IN THE WRITER'S ROOM?? DID NOBODY SEE HOW THAT BLATANTLY PLAYS INTO THE FETISHIZATION OF AISAN WOMEN??? Like holy fucking shit what the hell was wrong with the writers of this episode???

wow I love seeing marge and homer be really depressing bad parents -_-

Ok so when Rainer Wolfcastle shouts out his latest movie, that's funny and doesn't bother me. Troy McClure's shtick never bothered me either. Probably because they're FICTIONAL

Lisa said "damn it" ?!?!?!?! SHE WOULD NOT FUCKING SAY THAT. Lisa doesn't curse wtf are you doing she'd say "darn it!!!"

cringe cringe cringe cringe

if I had a nickel for every time lisa simpson solved a murder mystery because of the cuprit's signature favorite food being left on a weapon, I'd have two nickels. which isn't a lot but it's weird that it happened twice, right? (the first time was the 3rd segment in treehouse of horror XV, "Four Beheadings and a Funeral")

taika being mad at people tearing apart his room was the best line delivery he gave in this episode. like there was a real emotion.

sideshow mel saying "who speaks with such an exaggerated affectation!" got 1 chuckle out of me

damn. CBG dropping the doll into lake springfield is just like ed dropping his leathers into the ocean. (not even remotely true)

in conclusion is this a bad episode of television don't watch it

#nina rambles

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daniigrimm-blog · 2 years

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Can we just take a moment to simp about the newest album drop by Black Veil Brides, The Phantom Tomorrow, released October 29, 2021. I know, I know, I maybe should have wrote this post like two years ago but really I had a lot to do in the meantime and wanted to give it the true justice this piece of art really deserves. This release is the second album drop since the band's decision to part ways with former bassist Ashley Purdy, (the first basically being a re-master of their former masterpiece debut album "We Stitch These Wounds", now dubbed cleverly, "Re-Stitch These Wounds") and now this! Can I just say, WOW-wowie-wow-wow-wowzers! omg I am just BLOWN away by what has gone into this piece of art and I feel blessed to be born in a time where I got to truly experience its release. Just wow. Welcome to the band Lonny Eagleton, with a resounding, please please don't ever leave.

Tracklist:

The Phantom Tomorrow (Introduction)

Scarlet Cross

Born Again

Blackbird

Spectres (Interlude)

Torch

The Wicked One

Shadows Rise

Fields of Bone

Crimson Skies

Kill the Hero

Fall Eternal

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Oh hey did you know that Black Veil Brides released a COMIC BOOK?! It apparently goes right along with this masterpiece of an album because WHY NOT? Siri, can you add "Buy The Phantom Tomorrow comic" to my to-do list? Hell yes. I bought Andy's Ghost of Ohio when it dropped so ya know ya girl is gonna hop this band wagon. And who wouldn't? With such an awesome story and a crazy ass cover like that? Name two people, I bet you cant. And if you can I don't believe you.

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From the mouths of babes, as they say. And man is Andy a MAJOR babe. Anyhoo, I figured I would save ya'll a track-by-track personal breakdown because who can do it better than the guys themselves? Amirite? I will say this though, this album feels WHOLE. It feels full. It feels like a really well-rounded album. I'm not a musician myself, but I LOVE music, and I have been watching a lot of different bands grow and rise and it has been an absolutely AMAZING ride. But this band, what a well-rounded flushed out sound they have come to grow into as each individual has honed their craft or joined. And before any of you ask my personal favorite off this particular album is Torch. It's on my On Repeat on Spotify for a reason--but I digress...that brings me once again to Lonny.

Lonny Eagleton

Who is Lonny Eagleton you ask? Well, he's a sweet boy from Canada who joined the BVB family, and man does he fit RIGHT in. Well, his website Bio boasts he's a professional musician who has worked with multiple recognizable names in the industry, that he's done his fair share of arena/theatre based tours, and a plethora of other hidden talents all backed by a degree. I mean, that's impressive enough but man he is humble and sweet to boot! I don't think I am out of line when I say that the BVB family has scored big with this addition to the band--especially if the "The Phantom Tomorrow", and the latest ep drop (October 21, 2022) "The Mourning" are any proof of what is to come in the future.

Now that brings me to "The Mourning" EP which I am also very late to mentioning (at least here!). It's four tracks of powerful music that speaks from and to the soul directly. Clearly what went into this was some powerful storytelling, some genius mastery, and some amazing skill-work. Dare I say, that the older these boys get--the more they manage to master their craft? But it's true. And being someone from the sidelines watching them grow, has been a most satisfying experience--man am I PROUD to be in this fandom. NOT TO MENTION the totally amazeballs producer they have, Erik Ron who handled this ep and the previous album before this. Way to rock out with that cock out Erik!

Tracklist:

Devil

Saviour II

The Revival

Better Angels

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"How the fuck is one so evil left to just proceed? All the luck and how deceitful that idle minds can be." Lyrics from Devil really hit close to home some days, especially if you're currently living in America (and I am). It's clear from the tone set by the melody of the guitars when the track first open-fires on your eardrums for an eargasmic explosion of what can only be described as pure Black Veil Brides energy. Straight from the speakers to your soul, Andy Black truly has a way with words and the boys on strings (Jake, Jinxx, and Lonny) really know how to nail it home and build a mood to a harmonious climactic point before bringing it smoothly back down again. And may I say, that CC has really just been on fire these last few albums? He is really kicking some ass behind that kit and I think it's fair to give him a mention for it.

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In softer tones Saviour II was second on the EP and set a more serious and tender vibe. A soul bearing ballad needs to be on every album right? At least that seems to be a theme for BVB that I personally hope never dies. They do amazing with a good somber heartfelt melody and these new lyrics that sort of offer different softer, more human side to the Saviour we as a fanbase were used to. The first being: "So hear my voice, Remind you not to bleed. I'm here." the message being a strong voice offering a shoulder to lean on here. A superhero almost. Whereas, the second, "So I'm trying my hardest to be what you made, Like a court jester, my smile won't fade. Giving it all, rising to fall to my grave. Answer the call, living in thrall-You're the one born to save." Is a tooootally different vibe. Like someone human just trying to make it through each day. So-so so good.

The Revival is the third track on the EP and it unfortunately didn't get a video but is still really cool and definitely worth a mention. It feels like Saviour II worked right up into this song. I'm sure they did that on purpose but I can hear/see a story playing out before my very eyes. Maybe my imagination is running a little high, but they have a habit of writing a whole ass story and following it up with a rock opera--so I am not sure because I looked all over for like a track-by-track breakdown and didn't find one (so if anyone has one and can link one to me that would be sugar and spice!) but nevertheless the instrumentals in this song are fire but from 2:19-2:35 it is just the best musical soup I have ever tasted. There I said it. I can say it. It is hot fire.

That brings me to the final track on the EP, Better Angels. I think instrumentally, and melodically, Better Angels may actually be personally my favorite track. Lyrically it is one of the coolest things I have ever heard. I came from a really strictly and very strangely repressed religious background and when I hear the stories told in these songs tied up in some sort of religious metaphor it really resonates and I know I am not the only one in the fanbase that is dealing with these issues. "Go back to hell with all your demons-leave me alone to find the pieces inside my mind. They came in to control my life. And all the devils devour- Your better angels devour." Whether it comes from a religious place or not, that is a pretty fire chorus, you have to admit. Not to mention the absolute MELTDOWN I have inside my head when the guitars (2:35-2:50) fuckin slap my dudes! I am telling you, if you haven't heard it already, please do--your life will be more complete because of it. It's one of the prettiest things I have ever heard ringing in my ears.

Really can't wait to see what Black Veil Brides has in store for us next! I mean between the comic-book, the album, and the ep, I'm already pretty stoked and I literally have no fuckin clue outside what Andy has mentioned in recent interviews! But I will be keeping my eye out! you bet!

Also before I go please enjoy this acoustic set I found on Youtube.

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SUPPORT YA BOIS:

http://facebook.com/blackveilbrides

https://twitter.com/blackveilbrides

https://www.instagram.com/blackveilbrides/

#Youtube #black veil brides #black veil army #bvb #andy black #andybiersack #lonny eagleton #jake pitts #jinxx bvb #cc bvb #phantomtomorrow #the mourning #music blog #music #bvb army #bvbarmyforever #erikron

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residentbunburyist · 1 year

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Moby-Dick or, The Whale by Herman Melville

This is a really difficult book to rate or review. I almost dropped it more than once near the beginning, turned away by its slow pacing, meandering focus, and... well. This is from 1850. I was prepared for racism. I wasn't prepared for Queequeg. Did you uh. Did you know that Ramadan is a queer heathen ritual performed by island cannibals where you put your hand-carved totem that you pray to on your head and then sit unmoving for 24hrs in an act of self-deprivation and humiliation? Did you know that true and not at all bonkers thing? (speaking of bonkers, recent science MAY suggest that a whale is in fact a mammal, BUT Bible says it's a fish. So... Jot that down.) I mean, that said, Ishmael realizes after a single night that the big scary heathen cannibal ISN'T actually a horrible person, and you should all get to know him guys, maybe we're being closed-minded about other cultures, and he's my best friend and also we share a bed and snuggle. (All joking aside, it does have a lot to say that is very much about how racism is useless and all men are basically equal and working class on a whaling vessel, and should be recognized as such, it's just said in a very 1850 kind of way.)

But after about 200 or so pages I kind of finally started to get into it. It's like those video games that people recommend where they're like 'hey you just need to get through the first 70 hours of gameplay and then it's good, that's totally worth it' and you're like 'that sounds insane what are you talking about if it took 70 hours to start having fun that's not a good game that's a sunk cost fallacy'. I started to really enjoy Ishmael's poetic navel-gazing (more like naval-gazing, amirite?), the technical chapters about equipment and how whaling works, and I especially loved whenever Ishmael/Melville got catty. when Melville wants to be catty, he's good at it. There are entire chapters just dunking on every culture's pictorial depictions of whales like 'what is that? Just a big fish?? That dorsal fin is stupid. None of you fuckers have ever seen a whale before, eat my ass. MAKE IT MORE MAJESTIC' And I appreciate that. Quote: "In another plate, the creator made the most predigious blunder of representing the whale with -perpendicular- flukes!" This man is SO passionate about getting drawings of whales right. He constantly has chapters that boil down basically to 'Okay but realtalk do you appreciate how big and cool whales are? Do you?? TRICK QUESTION NO YOU DON'T BECAUSE YOU'VE NEVER SEEN A WHALE YOU POSER. YOU'LL NEVER LOVE THEM LIKE I DO.' And I'm so here for that energy.

Basically what I'm saying is you can say a lot of different things about this book, some good, some bad... but at the end of the day it DID get me to start looking up whale facts to the point where my wife is sick of hearing about cool things about whales, and really I think that's all Melville ever truly wanted.

wow that one got away from me. Uhhhh tl;dr whales are fucking cool, and maybe the real moby dick was the friends we made along the way. (who then all die horribly)

#moby dick #herman melville #books of 2023 #i decided to start writing my reviews of books on tumblr.

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lawain-dimensional-heroes · 1 year

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"Miku! Happy Birthday! How was it? Did you do anything great? Sorry, I got a little bit busy with work but... I did manage to get you something, from one idol to another, not to mention I'm guessing you're getting alot of cake. But still, let's see..."

"First of all, four travel vouchers. You can invite friends and use it for a discount to wherever you like. I recommend say, maybe someplace like a tropical resort, or someplace in the West? Now the other thing I want to give you, is..."

And he's putting a bag in front of her. Something which he believes would fit her color scheme, really.

"Ta dah! A Travel Bag! It's a nice bag for sure, but... the thing about this bag is that there's actually a secret compartment at the back, so you can store your clothes inside."

"Say you think you're being followed, but you don't want to start any trouble in public. You get in the bathroom, quickly change out into different clothing, preferably with a cap, then walk out. Still, I hope you like it, and... well, happy birthday!"

"Ah, Eri~ Thank you!! It was a birthday I could not forget-- really! I couldn't have asked for a better day after what this year had to offer. I'm probably going to share the cakes with a lot of people if there is a lot of cake. Can't become fatsune Chonku just yet or at all! Or was its Hatsune Thiccku? Ah, who cares~ Sharing cake with everyone is something I loved to do anyway. I know I have cake I'm going to share~"

Having an idol congratulating her birthday always was something that brightens her mood-- not that she wasn't in a good mood to begin with, even going so far as to joke around.

"Hearing a fellow idol remembering my birthday means a lot to me-- really! I hope you're doing well with your work and I hope you're taking your breaks when you feel like you need to. Better not push yourself and take good care of yourself, amirite?"

As for the gifts, what is there to say?

"While I will pay one ticket for myself, that will allow me to bring my boyfriend and his sister along with the twins too! They had helped me bring a lot of my presents back to my own bedroom studio."

In a way that was a gift back to them for helping her out. She knew it would cost a lot and that it was heavy.

"Oh that bag seems very classy and a lot of stuff can get in! My Laptop, small peripherals and my headphones to help make music with-- and the hidden compartment, wow, you really did think of everything for a fellow idol!"

Miku couldn't help but give Eri a big ol' hug, prolly a tighter hug than she was used to giving, but a hug nontheless.

"Oh-- right, you asked me if it was my last concert. Actually, that's kinda a lie? I've decided that I'm going independent actually! Of course I'll perform with my fellow colleagues, but this will allow me to get more freedom to do what I want, like music production! I always wanted to make my own music, even if it's part of my idol career, so the bag gift was definitely a surprisingly useful one so thank you very much Eri!"

#ask answered #Vocaloid-02 | Hatsune Miku #alchemistdetective

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icharchivist · 1 year

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gosh, mentioning your friend who got bowled over by act 2 autumn must’ve been foreshadowing, because I, who foolishly was like, oh I don’t think I’ll relate to azami that much he’s very different from me but it’ll be fun to see autumn, cried twice while going thru the back half of this story. jeez. I’ll may have to be a bit less chronological than usual for the sake of keeping all of that stuff later.

zombie run night was rly great! more like zombie fun night amirite. I’m sorry I make bad jokes. banri getting azami to be a zombie as well was so nice like. again he’s being a good leader.

tenma being scared of zombies makes sense obviously. I’m with him. not zombies but when I was staying with a relative a while back I found a lizard the length of my hand in the bathroom and then refused to use that bathroom for the rest of my stay.

I really liked the eyeball necklace detail—it made the event feel real and also considerate? the moment yuki just went … at tenma I Knew he had planted the necklace on him tho. he’s so funny for that. seeing that and being like yeah tenma you’re so right. you don’t need to participate. cant believe mankai didn’t recognize banri when he caught them. azami must have some stellar makeup skills

azami going after sakyo and haunting him abt his budget lifestyle was sooo funny. like I was bracing for something slightly charged to happen but it was just funny. and he had a good time!! I’m glad. I liked that banri was like. still encouraging to azami even tho his acting motives aren’t the purest lol. I mean to be fair he has no room to talk there but it’s also just nice to like. meet him where he’s at. like we see azami doesn’t really get The Feeling until closing night but. things take time.

azami and omis whole thing was. so good. like the way he won’t even like accept a bandaid is so. azami… I loved the way they resolved it? first seeing omi juza and tsuzuru talking in uni was cool. but then kumon approaching azami was like. so nice. again the way that they like talk and kumon’s like I miss summer! and u can Hear the smile in azamis voice when he’s like come on summer literally just ended!

but him being awkward around omi bc he’s not sure what a mother should be like… gosh. like the way he describes the whole thing as like. strange and confusing I’m going to vote the wall like. like yeah actually that’s exactly how it feels when someone is kind to you in a way you haven’t yet experienced it makes you want to throw it off immediately bc it’s like whoa whoa hold on. I’m not allowed this kind of thing. anyways just. no wonder he likes kumon so much that guy is like, effusive in his praise and azami probably likes having ppl around who are Nice like that. loved omis portrait. it was so good. and it like. absolutely sucks that he had to grow up that quick. very nice to see nachi again, though. but when kid-omi was like: one day in the future. I’ll take a break for myself :) omi. omi I’m shaking you. have you ever really done that. well ig now that he’s living in mankai he’s letting his family take care of housework and stuff? but like, still.

minor note but when they’re doing a street act it was rly cool to see juza just like seamlessly and confidently advertise the play. he’s come so far…

*cracks knuckles* alright all of that was warmup now it’s time for the BIG STUFF. azami almost got hit by a car!!!! the cg there was like. So Good. like the way sakyo is absolutely Frazzled… yeah. like god I keep thinking abt that cg. its sooo. wow!! i dont think ive seen sakyo look so distressed!!! hes not wearing glasses bc he was so shocked that he ended up breaking his glasses in the rush to get there!! its like. azami look... u have a dad that wishes for your every happiness... and azami is just Sitting There mostly unharmed and looking a little confused like huh… why’s sakyo looking so out of sorts… it’s wonderful. and the way sakyo is like even if it was just a scrape I need to find who did this and hurt them. like godddd and the way he’s like “so I don’t even have the right to worry about you anymore?” I am. Going to cry.

what rly got me tho was like the whole jin-gi-oh cards though bc like first off sakyo remembered ALL of them but also!! also just the way u can hear azami kind of mumble stutter like we-well I bet he doesn’t even remember the card stuff (why would he really care about me…) and then sakyo clearly Does. and it’s just like.

it’s so clear that while sakyo is convinced that he barely has the right to talk to azami bc he betrayed him by chasing after his dream… a lot of what azami is worried about is that sakyo doesn’t care about him anymore. like imagine you’re fourteen and you’ve just learned that the guy you secretly think of as your dad, who’s like the only one that’s supported your dreams, is leaving you to pursue his own. without you. and you get into a huge fight with him about it and storm off. and then a week passes and you don’t hear from him. months pass and you don’t hear from him. whenever he’s around doing ginsenkai stuff you just… don’t really talk to him. and you’re fourteen maybe fifteen so you’re too embarrassed to reach out first. besides if he left that easily maybe this whole thing was just a job to him, huh? maybe he never liked you as much as you liked him. whatever. whatever. it’s fine. like the “I bet he’s having so much fun now” line azami says… it’s so clear he believes like. oh sakyo was slumming it with me and left for greener pastures.

and of course sakyo is sitting there like oh I’ve committed the biggest betrayal ever by not supporting his dreams well enough. he probably hates me and doesn’t want to ever see my face again. and like that’s not helping.

and then you run away from your bio dad because you can’t let go of your own dreams and when you don’t have anywhere to go it turns out that you can actually run to the place sakyo went to. and strangest of all sakyo is letting you stay. like the way he just. the pause he has when sakyo says he’s basically his guardian. the feeling of. sakyo is… admitting that? does he… does he WANT to be my dad (I thought he didn’t want to—)

and now you’re here in a hospital and just saw sakyo was super worried about you and also like. maybe treasures you in the way that you thought he did. sakyo says his story of running away is about a pathetic kid but it’s also like. for azami he just learned that the card thing he did with sakyo and liked so much that he still keeps them carefully is actually a parent-child thing sakyo did with his own mom!!! it’s like. oh my god.

azami talking abt his own experience with buying cards and then his dad trashing them, though… I. hm. I am going to leave the section abt azami’s bio dad alone bc I’m tempted to get mean about it and I kind of want to leave that for later.

so, skipping forward to the actual play… it was so cool to see summer come in for support! and I always love seeing how the chapters extend what we see in the actual play. also the voice acting that’s good too. the one thing I noticed was like. “you remember the boy with brown hair you killed three years ago?” who’s going to tell them that taichis hair is as red as ever. so roy’s hair was never brown. it got kinda brown when he became undead? but before I don’t think it was.

cannot believe those asshole delinquents were the ones who almost hit azami. the title “buff high schooler” is just rly funny to me tho. sakoda chasing after azami and then calling everyone was so good of him. smart choice my guy. love how everyone in autumn (minus taichi who seems a little nervous) is like. it’s fighting time. very cool to see all of natsugumi volunteer to be opening act. was confused by the “I always repay my debts” line but I think it’s for banri acting as stand in for kumon? which is nice bc it’s like. tenma is the one saying this so it rly just gives the idea that like. natsugumi is a team yknow. and later when they do the acting it meshes so well with the actual play? bc like they had a specific point where they were like oh let’s adlib and do some comedy that’s undead related to make sure the play isn’t a bummer. and then here’s natsugumi just doing like those sorts of jokes.

anyways back to azamis kidnapping.

muku: won’t it be bad if they see ur faces?

me: …ah. I have. the faintest idea of where this is going [judo bear nozaki flashes to my head]

THE CG WAS. THE BEST POSSIBLE USE OF A CG EVER ITS SO GOOD. I LOST MY SHIT. THE HOLLOW EYES R KINDA TERRIFYING IN A REALLY FUNNY WAY. TAICHI THIS WAS AN AMAZING IDEA. the guitar / bass guitar (? idk instruments) that rolls in during this scene is amazingggg. it’s just the like instrumental break part of respawn which is. I went and listened to that after finishing boyhood collage and the song is like, sooooo good. much love to it. the rly fast vocal parts made me think of the fast parts of worlds end dancehall. which is like also apocalyptic setting so that was cool. also I love worlds end dancehall.

they were so funny during this tho. sakyo going “roooar. give us back our friend, you punkass kids.” and juza forgetting what bears sound like so he just literally goes “beaaarrrr” what are you a Pokémon?

and sakoda running towards azami!!! <3 I grew soooo much affection for sakoda in this story tbh like he takes care of azami so well!

thought it was very interesting that like. when they return, everyone in natsugumi is audibly exhausted minus tenma (he’s probably got great acting stamina) and misumi (I don’t think he says any lines here? but he’s probably just got excellent physical stamina. and he and tenma did start out with the like best acting chops of the troupe) which is a cool detail.

and then azami just carefully opening up that he was terrified. not of being hit but of disappointing them and the play. and then when he says to sakyo… “I’m only saying this once, but when I was a kid, I always thought of you as my dad. And… I still do.” IM GOING TO CRY. idk. like the way that azami just Says That and let’s it hang there and then they do the play.

izumi: wow the fight scenes r intense today! (please don’t tell me it’s bc they were just actually fighting…)

damn izumi what do u want me to tell you then. huh. they stomped in their with their animal heads and azami pirouetted back to mankai? no violence involved?

and sakoda crying at the play!! again I can hear the smile in azamis voice when sakodas like bawling in front of him. when azami was like. shift couldn’t make it…? I paused and was like. azami implied shift had an interest in theater at the end of act 2 summer… could it be… and then when azami was like “the god troupe, huh…” I was like ahhhh fuck. we shall see what goes on there later ig.

also they bring up vkei again when talking abt what they want to do next and izumi shut it down… what do u have against it! honestly eyes emoji at masumi saying he likes it, tho... mazumi expressing an opinion that doesnt align with izumi's personal tastes??? maybe I’m missing something.

but the ENDING!!!!!

citron: "I have reached my limit..." AND THEN GUYS THERE HES LITERALLY THERE!!!!! I’m assuming the <> for their dialogue means they’re speaking in their native tongue anyways im going to obsess over <Citronia.> <I've come to get you.> / <I've been wondering when you'd get here.> I knew guy was coming to get citron so I’m glad to see that’s confirmed… already gave my theories on the specifics so I’m interested to see if I’m anywhere close to the mark there.

okay and Now I can talk abt azamis bio dad. i. uh. I hate him. actually he really grinds my gears in a way I didn’t think was going to happen. so I’m worried that I’m being like somewhat unfair to him bc I’m projecting my own biases onto him. so I’m sorry if u have like good opinions of him. it’s rly so funny tho I knew azami did like makeup and stuff and I was like “oh I have. No Interest in makeup or skincare so I probably won’t relate to it too hard” and then This happened and it’s like I got hit with a bowling ball.

like goddd. the way azami is like yeah I bought some cards with my allowance, and then my dad who’s not sakyo found out and threw them out. “I learned then to never let my dad get his hands on anything I’d bought with my own money” gah… not to overshare but like, I feel azami so much there. growing up I would like. never want to tell my parents I liked Anything bc I knew they’d be like oh you’re so silly and dumb and stupid for wanting any kind of merch or collectibles! it’s such a hassle!! why do u like this stupid thing!! so. ahah. I went to a concert for the first time this year and I remember my parents thinking it was weird but then one day my dad called me and he was like oh I was talking to a colleague abt the concert you’re going too and he says that band you like is like, super cool and popular. so it’s like ah. ig now that an Adult has approved it I’m a cool kid now. the same way my writing was worth shit and was totally useless until a family friend kept gushing about the way I’d helped their daughter. anyways what I’m saying it is azami I get it.

and his dad then trashed his makeup, too… like the way sakyos defense for the handmade cards were that they were like “yakuza” cards so he couldn’t complain like it’s a flimsy defense but the fact that he even had to like, make a Justification about these cards when it’s like. these handmade cards aren’t going to help azami fit in or make friends at all so like they’re not accomplishing what the store bought ones were for. but like you still need to defend against it.

but yeah the way it’s like. wow at a pretty young age azami was like oh okay. so if I like ANYTHING I can’t tell my dad about it or he might ruin it. do I feel that this is perhaps part of why he seems so cautionary abt romance yeah sure.

the first time I actually teared up during this whole thing was actually sakyo in the hospital telling azami not to give up. that he can do it even in defiance of his parents. and it’s so meaningful bc sakyos like his DAD. and he’s telling him he’ll support him… like idk. something so heartwarming abt a parental figure being like, hey, you need to prize yourself to the point that if needs must, you can even rebel against me.

the conversation sakyo and izumi have after that, too… “after seeing my boss, I get the feeling there’s no dad out there who doesn’t care about his kids.” this line makes me feel. So Complicated. like I won’t deny the fact that I think azamis dad cares for him on…. Some level…. but it’s like homares grandmother. im glad she loved him but it doesn’t erase the ways that she hurt him, yknow?

also sakyo. you live with misumi tenma and masumi. masumi you can maybe argue his dad caring abt him and same with tenma (but. I mean I’m not HAPPY abt arguing that bc they r rly under baseline care.) but anyways are u gonna do that with misumi’s dad. then again probably only summer troupe knows about the situation there… honestly sakyo probably knows nothing abt the tenma situation too. so he’d only know about masumi and masumis dad seemed like fairly reasonable and nice at the end.

sakoda was so cool here tho. first off having the nerve to even try to still lie about the tickets to protect azami. and then when azami got dragged to his bio dad the fact that sakoda just. started yelling at him? amazing. this made me cry again. like yeah sakodas been watching him… what azamis doing isn’t child’s play! he’s right! and sakoda knows all of this bc he’s been caring abt that kid for forever!! to the point that he’ll yell at the yakuza head like this bc he cares that much!!!

and azami is like. god. I rly love the way he was like. so openly resentful. “Since when have you ever been a father to me?! Dont pull that shit on me now!” ouch. so true though.

and the. the way that uh. “Wh-what are you bowing for? This asshole doesn’t deserve—“ you can HEAR the trembling in his voice. he’s holding back tears. sakyo bowing FOR azami is so good. like I think this scene hit me so hard bc like both sakoda and sakyo who have the lives they do now mostly in thanks to the ginsenkai, are like… sticking up for azami. who is fifteen and thus hasn’t really Given them anything but like his presence. and they care enough about him to stick up for him anyways.

anyways I hadn’t thought abt this until now but it’s like huh… yeah no wonder azami made something up. he wouldn’t want to talk abt sakyo in front of sakyo bc that would be like admitting he still cared abt him. and he didn’t want to talk abt his parents in front of sakyo bc uh. it would be complicated ofc. like in his boyhood collage he was like oh I don’t even remember why I ran away, but shift was probably frustrated and stuff. but like clearly azamis mom had just recently died at that point. he probably just didn’t want to talk about that.

the reveal that the magic brush he uses on kumon was his mothers makeup brush, though… like the way it was her cheek blush to make herself look less sick. and he does the same thing for kumon years later. it just makes it… so much more affectionate. ”I wanted to use its magic to make someone happy like that again. I wanted to do for someone else what I could no longer do for my mom.” and YOU DID!!!

and then his bio dad’s response to all of this. “well, aren’t you all just making me out to be some evil villain. you think there’s a parent out there who doesn’t want to support his child’s dreams?” yes. yes absolutely.

and the way his reasoning is just like. he just thought azami was making up excuses to run away from the family. that uh. that’s not. true… ugh this part is what made me so frustrated. like azami, after his portrait, so very specifically asserts that’s he’s his son and because of that he’ll do anything for him and ginsenkai family. and it’s like. Yeah. I know what it’s like to be so aware of your position as someone’s child and know that even as you hate them you will also do anything for them even if they won’t recognize that. like… he never even asked. azami was so pissed about getting his makeup trashed that he literally ran away and didn’t come back. and you’re still assuming oh it was a little side hobby, if he REALLY cared about it he would’ve, what, psychic mind beamed the force of his feelings to you? if you had paid attention like sakyo or sakoda you would’ve clearly seen how long and how deeply he’s loved it for. even if it had been for a short time how would you know it wouldn’t grow into something else, anyways. like acting.

also his “study your ass off and aim for the top.” line about makeup and then when he gifts him the makeup set later… good on him for personally buying that stuff. but that line left such a sour taste for me bc it’s like. ugh… honestly it just hit a sore spot bc I remember my parents being like. hi child. you can do like, anything you want supposedly but if you want to do like Anything in the humanities field or arts field you’ll have to be the top 1% of it otherwise you’ll die alone. so like if you’re not good enough to do that just quit (I am implying you’re not good enough). and it’s just like. idk. the sort of implications that if azamis not like the best at makeup ever and also that if he hadn’t chosen to do it bc of his mother and it was just something he Liked, then that reason wouldn’t be enough…? that’s just the vibe I get.

also azamis bio dad being like sigh I’ll tell sayuri you’ve become a strong independent man instead of the family head. it just rly irks me like. even now it felt like hey old man. are you looking more at your dead wife than you’re looking at your actual child. because that’s what it feels like.

anyways idk. I hope azami has more space later in life to be a bit more resentful bc I think he deserves it, yknow? I think the way the whole thing went down like, Made Sense bc why would that guy like admit he had hurt his son… that’s like. unrealistic. so I don’t think the story was written badly or anything. it just made me like. really sad. azami didn’t end up loudly crying (im not counting the wailing he has to do in the play for his dead dad.) and like that makes sense to me. actually I think it was very Cool Of Him to never lose his composure That Badly. uh and he’s going to do great considering he as a middle schooler is like rolling normally with college students. but I just want him to be like. feel safe even when he’s not excelling, yknow?

I fear I lost the plot or rambled a bit too hard there at the end, so sorry if it’s incoherent!! I rly like azami!! this was a very good story. im also ridiculously excited for winter.

HUH OH. SORRY ABOUT THAT LMAO. a3 relatability strikes again?

let's go into it!

dFKJDFKLFDJ zombie fun night is perfect. Banri is really being a good leader and figuring out how to have Azami engage with what they're going to do it's just. god Banri is good.

HELPP. Tenma scaredycat, but also for the lizard thing, so valid, i would do the same. AND HELP for the necklace. This is so funny. and yeah Azami's makeup skills truly are shining there! DLKFJDKLFJD being so used to a3 dropping emotional bombs that this just ended up being funny makes it even softer. But yeah agreed on the way Banri coaches him and still encourages him even though it's obvious Azami doesn't feel the same way about theater yet. For Banri who went from uninterested to "this is my whole life actually", it must be jarring to look at this past mirror, but even more reasons to take it easy.

God the Omi and Azami scene was so good. (friend was staring into oblivion during this whole scene and then cursed me. I would love to be all awww but i couldn't stop laughing.)

But yeah it was so nice that like, so many of them worked together in trying to help out? like it really shows that they're really all a family and a community now, and they'll try to help with their newest members as well. AND AWW. yeah Summer is happiness itself. always missing them. even Azami cannot resist them.

BUT YEAH Azami's awkwardness aroound Omi is just. man. Exactly as you say, it's just, difficult to approach right. but yeah it does serve to justify why it goes smoothly with Kumon on the other hand. Omimi's portrait… just, absolutely heartbreaking again as always. I wonder if Omi did take a break when he was being a delinquant and therefore is doubling down on being of service because he still feels guilty for this time. or if him joining the theater troupe is his vision of taking a break since it means his family has to handle things on their own. Or maybe like Juza and Taichi he's just being too hard on himself.

JUZA SO GOOD. ALWAYS.

and here's the meat of it! yes that CGI was so good man. You really feel just how important Azami is to Sakyo in that image. Also if i recall correctly, Kumon panicked over the phone so they really all expected it to be bad while it was just, Kumon panicking, which somewhat makes it even funnier to me. Anyway. Sakyo good dad. that's all i'd say. god this scene is so emo. AND YESS SOBS THE CARDS STUFF. IT'S GENUINELY SO EMO. Azami not able to believe Sakyo would care this much while of course Sakyo does, come on and it's just. god this arc. God the whole way you describe Azami's thoughtprocess is bringing me to tears. I feel like this is exactly how he felt it yeah. Sakyo is worrying about how he "betrayed" Azami by leaving while Azami would have been just fine with it if it didn't feel like Sakyo was abandonning him and only thinking of him as a duty, and it's just. godd. and goddd the way you describe the rest i'm just. soso emo. They really have a neat relationship, a hurt neither of them were able to explain to the other and therefore they hurt one another like that, but they genuinely care so much and want to be part of each other's lives and and y'know what Azami maybe Sakyo is the only dad you need.

SUMMER SO COOL YEAH!! And yeah the play is pretty nice, though yeah. I guess with Azami at makeup they tried new hair things but Taichi's hair stayed too red for it all smh! but i guess in a huge theater it might not matter so much.

SAKODA IS SOOOO GOOD, UNSUNG MVP OF THIS EPISODE. yeah for Tenma's "i always repay my debts" it's about how Autumn helped Kumon out, so Summer is going to help Autumn and Azami out as well basically. And yeah Tenma definitely see them as a team, he's Natsugumi's leader and therefore he speaks for and takes debts for all of Natsugumi. What a lad. But Natsugumi did such a good job and i love how hard they helped on this one. truly MVPs.

Also yes i love how all of Autumn was ready to fight except Taichi who was nervous, but i love even more that it's Taichi who comes up with the plan on how to infiltrate the base. Really reminding us that he was with the "Bad Boys" because of spy related crimes by how he can come up with plans to infiltrate stuff, but also i love this so much. It's kinda where i started to have my headcanon of "Taichi is scaryingly smart when it comes to illegal stuff". Like the idea of Taichi messing up say, simple math, but coming up with an infiltration plan that would even have Chikage pause is one of my favorit headcanons ever, and it all started because of this.

BUT YES THE CG WAS SO GODDAMN PERFECT. IT'S ONE OF MY FAV CG EVER IT'S SO FUNNY. And with the song in the back, it was GLORIOUS. i'm glad you liked Respawn!!!! it's such a neat song! Also i need to share this stage video: https://www.tumblr.com/icharchivist/708632707674079232?source=share

BUT YEAH it was so funny and i lOVE that they were dedicated in like, actually playing their animals like. dguys you didn't HAVE to. you're just so funny. AND JUZA'S "BEAAAR", it's so good. I love them so much.

Sakoda MPV <33333 he really does take care of Azami so well it's really soft.

And yeah Summer's exhaustion is a nice detail. god it makes me wonder for how long they went on, a wonder the public didn't get weirded out by it.

AND SOBS YEAH AZAMI'S SPEECH. YEAH. And also the "maybe it's because i have two assholes dad that i turned into such an asshole" with a bright smile on his face. god he's so good.

And eheheh for Shift, but, yeah. yeah…. AND SAKODA REALLY GOOD. and please just let them having some vkei related play it's all good!! it's worth it!! maybe this time none of you would oppose Juza wearing a dress if the whole thing is about being scared he wouldn't look feminine enough smh!! AND LDKJFKLDFJD MASUMI'S RARE INDIVIDUALISTIC MOMENT.

AND THAT ENDING!!! yeah < > are for foreign languages in general, and in their case it's their native one. But finally. Guy teasing just to build up to it now!!!

Ok so, now, Azami's dad.

"my dad who's not Sakyo" i love that we're carrying it on on "Real Dad Sakyo" and "Not Sakyo Dad", it says everything.

And i'm all good with the oversharing as long as you're comfortable with it, and man. Yeah i feel you on that, my family is pretty much the same. I've also had my family like, throw out or destroy my stuff, important stuff, either without my knowledge or in front of me, so to say i felt Azami really hard would be an understatement. It's a whole level of violation that is just, really hard to swallow and forgive. Impossible even.

Honestly the whole writings over the problematic dads of Mankai, in the whole story, is so conflicting to me in general. I feel like. The issue is that most of the bad parents we meet don't have anything else going for them, the only thing we know about them per se is their function in society, and that they're bad with their kids. They're tools for their kids's backstory more than actual people. And i feel like Azami's dad actually sounds like a real person. A conflicting, messed up person with his own issues, and that ends up hurting Azami as a result. There's a difficulty to reconcile how the dad took good care of Sakyo as a kid for instance, to how he behaved with Azami, and it's really unnerving in general. And as such it puts Sakyo in a position of wanting to defend the man because he owes him so much, and it's difficult to blame him for that, but as a result Azami loses one of his major support.

Honestly my feelings about Azami's dad are complicated. I believe he's the one father of Mankai who can actually realistically work on his issues and improves his relationship with Azami. I believe he cares for Azami on some level more than just material (in opposition to how i'd consider Tenma's, who cared for his carreer more, and Masumi's, who only cared when he needed to fill his divorce's loneliness, and well, Misumi's don't care.). So i end up believing there is a possibility still for this relationship to improve in a realistic way that doesn't feel just like a deus ex machina like the others dads have been. but god, this particular brand of neglect and mistreatment truly also struck a core with me and therefore i can't totally go unbiased about it and ends up just, uncomfortable and unsure. It's so complicated.

Mostly i'd say my different approach is that, even if Tenma, Masumi or Misumi wants to work things out with their dad, i would be completely opposed to it. Purely "why the fuck, no, that's not worth it" at them. But if Azami wants to work it out it's like. "Fine. just stay safe, know you can remove yourself from it whenever you feel like it, and remember to be yourself, and bail out anytime something would go out of hands". yaknow?

But yeah i agree i feel like it really puts Azami in a position of hypervigilence. Everything had to always be a secret, calculated, you only show to your father what you're ready to defend, and it would make some stuff like romance or passions in general, stuff that leaves you emotionally vulnerable, as something that's just too much risk for very little reward. So you just closes in completely.

so Sakyo being there and actually showing him that he can just be himself and he doesn't have to worry more ahead of it is meaningful because yeah, like you say, it gives him a parental figure who is actually willing to let him experiment and be free without having to always be prepared to defend why you want to do something.

“after seeing my boss, I get the feeling there’s no dad out there who doesn’t care about his kids.” i actually really hate this line in a sense, i know Sakyo is mostly just, extrapolating to what he's seeing now, but i hate it on a personal level. I do think Azami's dad cares for Azami, but yeah exactly like you said, like Homare's grandma, his own issues means he hurt Azami in ways that are ways too deep for love to just be enough. Sometimes parents love you and hurt you more than a parent who would merely tolerate you. Because they love you so much they want to make sure you're well fitted to the world and ends up messing you up as a result.

But yeah god, i'm glad we're on the same page, you can't say "all dads care for their kids" when you're living with those kids, and Misumi's in particular. This makes me see so red. I get Sakyo has a personal bias here but giod. but yeah Sakyo probably only knows about Masumi's and yeah, Masumi's dad was reasonable at the end that he might work it out. but also like, didn't Sakyo's dad abandon hm and his mom?! that the whole reason his mom had a hard time in life was because of that? bc i don't remember if Sakyo's absent dad is due to abandon or death. Bc if it's abandon, i feel like Sakyo shouldn't be the one saying all dad cares yaknow? I still think that, the Wastonian reasons of it all, is because Sakyo owes so much to the Boss that he tries to rationalize things in his favor yaknow? But the Doylist reason, i think, is mostly that the one weakness of a3's writing is truly with how they manage to create realistic scenarios of abuses and the way it affects the kids, but then they want to solve it with the parents going "my bad", and the problem is that it's not how coping with abuse works yaknow.

SAKODA IS SOOO COOL HERE YEAH. Like man, the glow up Sakoda got in this arc with how much he would go to hell for this kid and fight the devil himself if he had to. god. unsung mvp.

Azami is totally entitled to throw that at his father's face, go Azami go.

" sakyo bowing FOR azami is so good. like I think this scene hit me so hard bc like both sakoda and sakyo who have the lives they do now mostly in thanks to the ginsenkai, are like… sticking up for azami. who is fifteen and thus hasn’t really Given them anything but like his presence. and they care enough about him to stick up for him anyways. " OGHHH SO TRUE. THIS IS REALLY SO. SO GOOD.

and you're right about Azami's collage being the way it was. It makes sense Azami just didn't want to share this vulnerability, especially with Sakyo, at a point where he still believed Sakyo didn't care for him on top of that. It's really just. man.

SOBS AND YEAH FOR THE MAGIC BRUSH….

"and then his bio dad’s response to all of this. “well, aren’t you all just making me out to be some evil villain. you think there’s a parent out there who doesn’t want to support his child’s dreams?” yes. yes absolutely. " DJFHDL LEGIT. GOD.

But yeah i feel you on everything else you mention about Azami's dad it's just. Acting like Azami was at fault for not making it clear he was serious, while also making the environment too hostile for Azami to even come out and say that. He's responsible for how Azami couldn't trust him and then he blames Azami for not trusting him in a sense. It's really frustrating, and it feels like he's deflecting the blame, while also kinda taking the blame itself. I'm glad he's trying to fix things, and i do think he feels guilty, but it's still so sour.

and i'm so sorry your parents made you feel all those things :( but yeah i totally get what you mean on how it relates to Azami. It's just so unfair to put on him the pressure to be the best of the best.

In a sense i feel it fits a lot of the thematic of Autumn of like… The reasons they have Regrets to start with is because of the expectations people have put on them, whenever it is over their abilities (Banri) or their appearance (Juza) or their age (Sakyo) ect. And i feel like Azami is in this situation where he's about to regret it if he doesn't take his own life in between his hands. He has to break free from those expectations and fights for what he wants. but god. He shouldn't have to fight for it. ig you can't expect Yakuza to do things the easy way, but god he really shouldn't have to fight for it it makes me so sad.

"are you looking more at your dead wife than you’re looking at your actual child" so true unfortunately hhhh.

But yeah i hope Azami gets more ways to process everything later on :/

I do think that, out of all the bad fathers' plotline, like i said, this is the most realistic one in a sense, and i do think it's well written in general. And i do think that when it comes to abused/neglected kids and their parents, there is also just… i know online the consensus is "children should just cut ties with their toxic parents" and i get how it's the easiest way to see it, to free yourself for good for the influence, but it comes with its own type of downsides that are rarely discussed and is also a lot of pressure to put on a kid. Obviously, if it's too toxic it SHOULD be the case, like i said, chara like Misumi in particular are better off moving past it, but i feel like, in Azami's situation, where despite all the hurt and all the pain, Azami still definitely see his father as a human whom he wants to work things out with… It's just really complicated. I have really messy feelings about all of this.

I do hope Azami would manage to be more resentful and end up being able to actually discuss with his dad and challenge him like, no, YOUR behavior was truly fucked up, it's not fair to ask of ME to communicate my feelings better when you never tried to listen, yaknow?

Anyway i do feel like this sort of… complicated messy conflicting feelings of resentment and yet wanting to work it out that is in Azami and his father's storyline, for how fucked up his father is, actually works very well and is very realistic, even if there would be wishes for Azami not to bother at all for it. I feel like it allows Azami the grace of having really mixed feelings about all of this without going to one extreme or the next about how to be with his father, and it's something i really personally connected with, as someone with a very difficult relationship with my family, who thought cutting ties was my best solution at some point, and now as an adult, have to deal with how while i could never ever forgive them, the other extreme isn't satisfying to me, on multiple levels. I don't like his father, but i want Azami to be able to work it out in the way he would consider satisfying, and i think that the story is written in a way that leaves this approach possible and addresses it as such, in a way i think the others bad dads of Mankai get too much of a free pass. but man. messy. And with the patern of bad dads getting off too easily this can come up as much more sour than the conflicting feelings it could have actually worked on if the others dads were treated accordingly imo.

Azami's storyarc genuinely did hit hard for me as well because of that. He's not a chara i particularly relate to outside of this specific plotline but this plotline hits not only very deep, but on mixed feelings that are hard for me to face in fiction, so it's always hard to look at.

On the light hearted side, my friend we talked about was cursing me the whole storyarc bc of how he related to Azami and then Azami's portrait happened and he genuinely just went "okay you know what fuck you" and was so emotionally damaged by the mirror that i could forget for a bit my own pain by letting him suffer a bit. Terrible friend moment.

Anyway!!! it's all good, i'm glad you did ramble, it was really nice to read and well, it's interesting things to think about, even if the conclusion isn't easily clear cut.

I'm really glad you liked Azami and his story!!!

And ehehe Winter soon <3333

And "Conquering Misoshiosa Island!" first!

Take care and always feel free to ramble <333

#ichareply #long post for ts #ichafantalks a3 #aranarumei

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noivoom · 1 year

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Okay, after several days of brainstorming and debating with myself, I have finally decided to emerge from The Lurking Pit and share this little (“little”) thing! This AU came about from my love of dysfunctional family tropes as well as my desire for everyone to live (honestly I mostly just wanted to daydream fanfic ideas without having to navigate canon’s minefield of problems, began wondering what an “ideal” situation would look like, and this spawned out of it)

The point of this was to, again, create an “ideal” situation for the gang, with potential for all kinds of Shenanigans™ and Drama™ alike while still keeping everyone as close to their canon selves as possible, as a bit of relief from all the angst :’) (I say “ideal situation,” but that doesn’t mean they haven’t still got issues galore. *cough*SUNNEEDSTHERAPY*cough*) (If, on the off chance anyone is inspired by this and/or wants to make something with this setting, please let me know! I’d LOVE to see it! :D)

I call it- One big UnHappy Family!

TL;DR Sun, Moon, Lunar, Earth, KC, Bloodmoon, and Solar Flare are all alive and well and somehow ended up as the world’s most Complicated™ family. Chaos ensues.

As for how they wound up that way? WELL. I’m gonna start rambling now, please bear with me

It starts with Sun shooting Bloodmoon. Sun didn’t fully know if he really wanted to kill Bloodmoon, was fighting internally to come to a decision one way or another and therefor wasn’t actually aiming when a moment of reflex kicked in, and the barrel went off. And he misses. Well... mostly. Bloodmoon takes a decent amount of the shot, and though it doesn’t kill them, they’re left severely damaged. It’s quite a confronting sight for Sun- while in canon there was nothing left of BM for Sun to really understand the weight of what he just did (at first, anyway), here he’s immediately confronted with another animatronic panicking and in pain as their nanomachines desperately try to rebuild them :’) Nothing like a bit of visual trauma to hit home that your actions have consequences, amirite? Moon investigates the barrel shot and sudden screaming (from both BM and Sun) to find... this. He’d probably have several things in mind to say to Sun about shooting BM, but he’d hold off for now. And thus begins one hell of a domino effect.

While fixing Bloodmoon, it becomes apparent the barrel shot corrupted some of their code. Nothing particularly bad, but oddly enough, it seems to have somehow also curbed their bloodlust. The lack of cravings leave the twins disoriented and kinda lost, but it’s also... almost a relief. Lunar takes advantage of this, introducing them to new things to occupy their time, and wow, who knew they could find entertainment in something other than homicide and appalling crimes against humanity? They’re still Bloodmoon, of course, they still have to be held back from killing people, but that’s not all they wanna do anymore. And food! Now that their bloodlust is out of the way food tastes so much better, there’s so many different flavours and textures and they gotta try everything and whoops, they’ve accidentally found themselves on the world’s weirdest redemption arc. (So, uh, thanks for shooting them after all, Sun...? I guess?)

Meanwhile KC, concerned over Bloodmoon’s wellbeing, convinces Moon to let him watch over them during their recovery. As the twins begin discovering new things that satisfy themselves, KC, trying to be Dad™, joins them. He’s never actually participated in anything that doesn’t involve murder, and much of these activities are uninteresting to him, but something about doing it with his sons... it actually... satisfies something in him, too. (None of them are particularly good at finding non-violent hobbies, mind you, but Lunar, Sun and Moon help out. Mostly to keep them occupied. They have no idea what’s going on, but they much prefer whatever the hell this is to evil plotting.) Eventually Moon relaxes a little when he realises KC intends to stay true to their deal, and occasionally switches off while KC’s out rather than watching him like a hawk. This leads to KC exploring on his own and running into Glamrock Freddy. He panics a little and pretends to be Moon. A parallel of their canon talk happens and oh would you look at that, KC’s accidentally Dad-ed his way into a redemption arc of his own! (No dead Bloodmoon means Sun doesn’t McFreaking Lose It, which means Lunar doesn’t move out and get killed, and also means the magic circle isn’t destroyed, which means Moon doesn’t get stuck in his head and get his memories wiped! :D Huzzah!) (Sun is still in desperate need of therapy though)

Eclipse is, of course, rather indignant at this turn of events. He never like the Blood Twins or KC, but seriously? Just like that?! It’s almost insulting. Not to mention it screws up his plan (not that he’d had a chance to flesh out said plan yet anyway). He continues regardless, taking over Solar Flare’s body to... do something. I’ll admit, I haven’t exactly figured out what his new course of action would be. Regardless, he ends up making his own body and ditches Solar Flare without a second thought. Solar Flare, alone and deeply disturbed over having their body hijacked so easily, is at a loss for what to do when they stumble upon Earth! Or more accurately, she stumbles upon them. She comforts them and they go with her to the Daycare. (I also don’t know if Earth would have already joined the DCA crew or if she just shows up fashionably late with Starbucks Solar Flare. Both are funny; either she shows up as a stranger with another stranger like “yes hello I’m your new sister, also I decided to bring this vaguely traumatised stranger along with me, hope you don’t mind :)” or she goes for a walk and comes back with this stranger like “can we keep them? *puppy eyes*”) Thus, Solar Flare joins the family!

Honestly... despite everyone else getting redeemed/joining the family, I think it’s funniest if Eclipse stays a bad guy. Everyone else is learning about themselves and growing as individuals/family, meanwhile Eclipse is over there being a stubborn, petty, lonely bastard and refusing to acknowledge that the reason he is miserable everywhere he goes is because every time he goes somewhere, he is there. Also he creates the conflict needed for further plot to happen. Also also I don’t think he’d take the option of redemption if it was handed to him on a silver platter accompanied by a ten-page essay on why it’s the best choice for everyone, especially him. (But who knows! I guess it is possible, it would just be a lot of work. He’d have to really want to be better and put the work in. Even then, I imagine he’d probably end up going his own way. It’d be for the best after all the trauma he’s inflicted.)

The FUNNIEST pat of all of this is when Glamrock Freddy visits the Daycare to talk to Sun and Moon about something only to see Sun yelling and chasing Bloodmoon, who’s knocking over and destroying EVERYTHING, Lunar running after them playing the Benny Hill theme, Solar Flare robotically restacking the barrels one pile at a time (seemingly oblivious to the fact that Bloodmoon knocks them over again as soon as they turn their back, creating an endless cycle they don’t seem to question), Earth calling out for everyone to please not hurt themselves, and Moon just... sitting there, rubbing his temples. “... Hey Freddy,” Moon says, not looking up. “... What the heck is going on?” “Family bonding.” “Family- where the heck did all these people even come from?!” “It’s a long story.”

If you’ve read all this, thank you so much for hearing me out <3 I’ll admit, most of my thought processes behind this boil down to “I just think it’s neat” and “because I think it’s funny”. This is supposed to be just for fun, after all. Please tell me what you think! There’s SO MUCH more to this, from evolving family dynamics to specific character development and even Monty, this post is all just the basic set-up of how the gang got to where they are. I have SO MANY more thoughts about this setting, it’s a disaster and a half and I’d love to discuss it please give me an excuse to ramble more

#scuttles out of the aether to drop this and bolts #tsams #The Sun And Moon Show #sorry about the length #I just needed to ramble #tsams au #One Big UnHappy Family #I love them so much #screw it no more editing just POST

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