#like with the nun storyline i actually like the story they were trying to tell just not HOW they decided to tell it

[sibylsleaves]

Idk at this point I’m pretty tired of all of Eddie’s plots this season being played off as a joke. This feels so silly and unserious even though it’s exploring his trauma. Hopefully I’m wrong and by the end of the season it’ll be better than I thought

yeahhhhh like they seem like they wanted to give him some more lighthearted material but couldn't figure out how to actually execute on that. But they could have done other storylines with him--stuff about chris becoming a teenager, which is PRIME comedic material, or like maybe he gets over-involved in the PTA or just something that's not this bizarre out of left field plots that feel like they were recycled from Jane the Virgin 😭. Honestly even doing something comedic that's riffing on telenovelas could have been fun and instead it's like. no we're just ACTUALLY making his life a telenovela. Tonally it's all so bewildering!

If they wanted to dig into his feelings about Shannon there was a way to do that too that does not involve random doppleganger woman showing up for no reason. Like maybe he joins a support group for widows/widowers (you know who else could have been in that support group....Amir...👀) or maybe someone ACTUALLY connected to Shannon comes out of the woodwork (her mother would be a great choice as she was intimately connected to the reason for Shannon leaving in the first place, or a sibling, or...even juicier...a man that she was seeing during their separation which would REALLY drive home that things were not as magical as Eddie remembers...) OR

Anyway 911 writers give me a call next time you're thinking of pitching "Eddie starts dating an exact replica of his dead wife" as a storyline ive got LOADS of other directions you could go in

[love-geeky-fangirl]

Ranking every teen drama I've watched

I have gotten really into teen dramas lately, because it's quarantine I can't go out and have fun, but I can still watch other people my age going out and having fun and doing things I don't get to do. Anyway I haven't seen all teen dramas, I was never interested in supernatural ones, so you won't find Vampire Diaries and similar shows on this list.

From worst to best:

The Secret Life of the American Teenager

I will never understand how this show ran for five seasons. It will forever remain a mystery to me. This show is so bad it's good. The writing resembles a wattpad story, Amy's pregnancy is inconsistent (like how was she five months pregnant for like five or six episodes, aren't the episodes supposed to be set a week apart?), the acting is bad (that is not to say that Molly Ringwald or Shailene Woodley are bad actresses, obviously they're not, I'm talking about Amy's sister that has the same facial expression no matter what her mood is supposed to be), some of the views this show expresses are very old-fashioned and damaging (the madonna-whore binary, the fact that they can't even utter the word abortion) and every single male character on this show is a creep and a cheater. I can't believe I watched like thirteen episodes of this. I will never get that time back.

Weirdest moment: "I'm a whore!" "Well, you're my whore." (Was this supposed to be romantic??)

Best moment: none

Glee

This is going to be unpopular and don't get me wrong, I like Glee, but I feel like the writers put much more thought into the musical numbers than the storylines. Again, Quinn's pregnancy is inconsistent (but I'm starting to think TV shows are always inconsistent about pregnancies), the characters don't look like they're in high school at all, the cheerleaders wear their uniforms 24/7 for no reason (Quinn even wore it to her sonogram, like seriously?) the whole celibacy club thing is weird and Mr Schue is a terrible teacher. However, the visuals and the musical numbers are great, Sue Sylvester is iconic (albeit also a terrible teacher) and some of the scenes are really emotional (Kurt singing I Wanna Hold Your Hand made my sister cry) so overall, it's pretty good.

Weirdest moment: Finn praying to grilled cheese (what??)

Best moment: Quinn giving birth to Bohemian Rhapsody, Kurt singing I Wanna Hold Your Hand

Dawson's Creek

I LOVE their 90s' outfits and Joey and Pacey are really otp material, but I just can't stand Dawson! He got mad that Joey didn't tell him about his mother's affair, as if it was her place to get involved. She was 15! It's understandible she didn't want to get tangled into that mess. He also slut-shamed Jen in a really gross way. He literally stopped talking to her for a day when he found out she isn't a virgin. Why are both Joey and Jen into this guy?? This would've been a much better show if it was called Joey's Creek or Pacey's Creek.

Weirdest moment: the way Dawson's mom confessed her affair to her husband. I don't think any irl human would use this choice of words. Also that scene where Dawson's father was teaching him how to kiss while Joey was watching. Cringe.

Best moment: any time Joey and Pacey are bickering. My shipper heart!

Pretty Little Liars

I loved the book version of this, but the TV version seems way too dramatic. First of all, they romanticized Aria and Ezra's relationship (ewww) and made the whole thing seem much more overdramatic. I don't know how to explain it, I mean the books are also dramatic but the TV show somehow took it to a whole new level. None of the girls look like they're in high school, but I love the way they dress and do their makeup. It's almost as though the writers put more thought into their outfits than storylines. I still loved watching it until Netflix took it off, though.

Weirdest moment: Spencer somehow trying to block A's number from her laptop in the middle of a park and then being confused that it didn't work. Weren't you supposed to be the smart one, Spencer?

Best moment: Haleb in the shower, hiding from Hanna's mom.

Skins

This is a classic. Effy is iconic (I somehow heard about her even before watching Skins) and the musical number at the end of season 1 was out of nowhere but still somehow fit perfectly into the story. I also give this show point for being one of the few TV shows where teen characters are actually played by real life teens. They look their age, talk their age (no "I reject reality" or other cringy lines like that) and aren't unrealistically perfect like characters from American teen dramas tend to be. They look like people you might actually meet in high school. However the show loses points for all the continuity errors (are 8 episodes supposed to be the whole school year??) and the number of unneccessary death/tragic accidents. It seemed kind of over-the-top and unneccessarily dark and brutal at times.

Weirdest moment: Chris's graphic death

Best moment: Wild World

Euphoria

The Gen Z American version of Skins, but with better visuals. Much better. I loved the aesthetic, the colors, the lighting and glitter. Zendaya's a great actress and I give this show points for casting an actual trans actress in the role of Jules. However I find it weird that all guys on this show are complete irredeemable assholes (except of Jules's dad and Ethan that is). Are we supposed to just root for the girls and not the guys? Also I find it hard to believe that any of these characters are actually 16/17. They have sex all the time (yeah teenagers have sex sometimes but on this show they treated Kat as some kind of a chaste nun for being a virgin at 16) and have seemingly no rules and no curfew. It would've been much more believable if they were in college.

Weirdest moment: Nate breaking into Tyler's house, beating him up and then taking a shower. The audacity this guy has!

Best moment: "You did this to me!" and Rue having an anxiety attack on the stage in theater class

Gossip Girl

I know this is also an unpopular opinion, because many claim Gossip Girl is the best teen drama ever, but for me it just got way too soapy as the seasons went on. The first two seasons were believable, even though they didn't really look like they were in high school, but after that it was just more and more weird plot points. I will give this show points for the fashion (I mean Blair's headbands and school uniform inspired a fashion line), the acting ("I killed someone"- iconic) and the choice of background music (Nate and Serena kissing to Paparazzi, Thanksgiving with Watcha Say). Despite the wild twists and turns of events, I just had to keep watching because this show had me hooked.

Weirdest moment: Bart Bass somehow flying off the building for no reason (seriously, what he did there had no logical explanation and defied laws of physics), Dan being Gossip Girl, Bart faking his death and returning more evil than before, Serena becoming Gossip Girl, the affidavit, everyone randomly stopping going to college... there are so many but Bart takes the cake I guess

Best moment: the Thanksgiving flashbacks from season 1, Dan placing a plastic crown on Blair's head

Freaks and Geeks

This is one of the few shows where high school is depicted realistically. It's not all glitter and parties and not everyone has sex and does drugs. Okay, I admit, the bullying was over the top and it was weird how no adults cared but other than that, it was pretty spot-on. It was emotional without being too dramatic and far-fetched and also had funny moments. Yes some of the characters may have been stereotypes but at least the show seemed self-aware of that. It's truly a shame we only got 18 episodes of this show, while The Secret Life of the American Teenager somehow got five seasons??? I don't get it.

Weirdest moment: when Cindy suddenly got super mean once she started dating Sam

Best moment: Daniel showing up at Kim's doorstep, Sam breaking down in tears in the end of 'Garage Door'

Gilmore Girls

I'm not sure this one counts as a teen drama, maybe it's more of a dramedy but I'm still including it here. It's funny, the dialogue is witty and full of obscure pop-culture references and the relationships between generations complex. Same as with Freaks and Geeks, the portrayal of high school is pretty realistic. Characters are shown studying and taking tests and not just partying all the time. However the show loses points for getting weirdly soapy in the 7th season. The dialogue wasn't as good and the camera angles were soap opera like and the storylines weren't very good either. You could really tell the show changed show-runners. The earlier seasons are the best. It's hard to explain but something about them feels cozy like a warm blanket and a cup of hot chocolate on a rainy day.

Weirdest moment: Lorelai marrying Chris and then making the whole "you're the man I want to want" speech, Lorelai defending and loving Dean for no reason

Best moment: Rory's graduation speech, Rory yelling at Chris and calling him out for not having been there for her, Then She Appeared, "Yes Emily, you may go first"... there are so many!

[gellyfishical]

Alas! Here I am; back to the posting board to finish showing you some designs I hadn't finished. I say designs plural despite this being just for one character because I have a couple of variations I was playing with and I wasn't really happy with any of them.

Let me start with some backstory; the concept came from the prompt 'lyrical' so I wanted to make a character from Aviator's 'Godhunter' song. So I was designing a godhunter. I decided to go a bit beyond the line than most people go with this prompt and rather than have them go after the Greek gods or anything like that I went straight for the Christian god. This decision was completely disparate from any angst or personal unhappiness Christianity has brought me and it's ridiculously that you would think otherwise. Please do not be offended :) I believe that you should believe and follow whatever god you like, however if it's so common to critique and turn other gods into some sort of fictional antagonist in other stories than I can do it too.

Anyways! Here are the designs:

I wasn't quite finalized on any of them yet. Basically, as I hope you can tell by looking at these, she is a disgraced nun repelled by the cruelties that many (not all, there are a lot of kindly Christians in the world, but there are just as many corrupt ones, I personally was involved with two, one where there was embezzling and the other where the minister was cheating on his wife with prostitutes) Christian churches have been responsible for. Rather than try to live her life with no job history and nothing to her name our protagonist decided to spite the god who allowed her to be hurt in such a way after learning it was possible for mortals to reach the realms of the gods.

If the storyline were to continue she would successfully kill god and go onto to kill other gods as well.

The first design here was created with only the rule of cool in mind and the idea that she sort of ripped off her nun costume to reveal who she is now. Her axe is a broken cross and her upside down rosary was the one she wore as a nun. Her prayer shawl is torn. She wanted to show she was a nun and now she's the greatest hunter. Sort of to show the injustices I suppose. This design I mostly liked but I thought it was a bit generic and I definitely wasn't sold on the broken shackles on her limbs (though they'd be such a cool weapon).

This design was less of her just tearing off her nun gear and more of and anime representation of a nun. I went more cyberpunk here since I think it congrats nicely to more traditional elements visually. She has a sort of lightning bolt blade that she holds with her hand that I quite liked. In total I thought the design was a tad to Hatsune Miku looking and I missed the cross axe.

This design I made even more nun like and I really love the gun and the total design but I thought it looked a bit too much like she was just a nun rather than someone actively trying to kill god.

I was very pleased with this design. Her lightning blade was much more defined and the broken chains being tattoos was much cooler and made more sense. The axe is back. The top had more nun references than the top one and was less generic. I still think it's missing a few things as a design so I decided not to use it either. I also could not decide if I wanted her to be white or not because nun(lol) of the designs were actually designed as white (we have Filipino and African American) but I wasn't sure if wanted to make them white to make fun of some churches' racism as one of the leading concepts was critiquing a church that doesn't tend to get criticism. However Filipino made a lot of sense to me since they are Roman Catholic and have some of the same flaws. Race was pretty important to design here since I think it added more depth to a storyline. I also considered making her African American to highlight some of the racism that has occured.

At some point in the story, after she has killed god I wanted her to run into a church that was kind since in this story (and in a way in real life) it was the gods who pulled people astray while people were intrinsically good.

•

Sorry for the edgy design and concept. The idea is fairly messed up and that's the main reason I didn't finish it. While I'm angry at quite a few churches for homophobia, corruption, racism, general outdated opinions that come with following ancient books, I also really love a lot of Christians and I don't think they deserve to be represented only by my anger towards them and not the whole situation. I still really love the idea of a godhunter being for more than just ancient gods and I do think that people's inability to critique the Christian Church in such a way is hypocritical since so many other religions are used so disgracefully in media (voodoo, paganism, Islaam, etc) but I don't truly want them to be hurt in the same way they have hurt others. I was just angry when I designed this character. And in such I created a negative character.

It's kind of awkward to still be here and I hope that I have not offended anyone though if this is the case it is rightfully so. Regardless, this closes out the character designs I did not finish for Swan's Oc-tober.

[ylizam]

[picard through 1.6: my disjointed feelings vs. my disjointed thoughts]

I guess the tl;dr is that I love (most of) the characters, and I do not trust the writing? which, fine, par for the course, especially as a Voyager person, but still. I’m enjoying it! I don’t think it’s actually good! I keep having feelings! I am really confused about what they’re doing in re Picard the Character! anyway!

the positive (give or take):

LARIS <3 <3 <3 my Picard’s my Romulan wife! traumatized and her whole world is gone and ex-Tal Shiar (!) and Irish and sweater-wearing and honestly Star Trek: Laris is the show I want in the world. 

I’m this.close to changing my user icon thingy to Laris. I mean I love Caroline and her wine but what if. (the main reason I haven’t yet is because what if they kill her off for more Picard manpain and I’m too angry about it, etc. like I said: I do not trust the writing/writers/whatever, especially with Duff on the staff.)

honestly, there are so many stories one could tell about Laris and Zhaban and home and rebuilding and loss and spies and family and you know what, I don’t trust the writers at this point, so maybe I’m the tiniest bit relieved they’re not telling it (but, oh, for writers who COULD)

Romulan secret names? sure, I can accept that. plenty of cultures have family versus public names, etc. Romulan secret names they only tell their lovers? eh, no, that’s a myth they sent out to the universe for a laugh / to see who believes it / because they could.

Romulan Warrior Nuns. the entire concept. all of them. absolute candor. swords. give me more. 

give me Laris formerly of the Tal Zhiar and members of the Qowat Milat having an awkward meal together I am just saying.

relatedly, Elnor needs a cat. 

Seven. Of. Nine. with pockets. 

continuing trauma because of course! (and look I love Janeway but I do cringe at the way “humanity” was thrust upon Seven in a very limited and forced way and that can’t have been great for her longterm and give me more Seven learning that she is “human” enough there’s no one definition but also she’s fucked up and that’s okay too except where it’s self-destructive and not okay and) 

although seriously they tiptoed riiiiiight up to the line of confirmed queerness and then swayed a bit and hope that was enough and it’s not? (I wonder if they were so paranoid about Kill Your Gays-itis and what it would mean for Seven to kill an ex that they didn’t want to skirt that fallout, but come on.) (I also wonder if, when Seven comes back, they actually go there or if this is as far as it will go.) 

Raffi. Michelle Hurd as Raffi. Raffi.

Raffi deserves better. Better writing, better writing, better writing.

so that was her ex-girlfriend Picard bribed her with wine to contact, right? 

Hugh. That hug. Hugh. 

the negative (give or take):

the casual racism problem. 

stop killing characters of color! if you colorblind cast and then only/largely people of color die that’s not good! not to mention Indiana Picard (see next point) and the Romulans of color all swarming around him and yeah. stop it.

don’t dress Picard up like a colonialist unless you actually mean it—like, if you want to get into the issues with the Federation and colonialism rah rah flags and all that, do it, but I just feel like they’re not actually going there (too much emphasis on conspiracies and people infiltrating the Federation rather than, oh, maybe the Federation itself is an issue?). 

this is where my trust of the writing really comes into play because I just don’t know that they know what they’re doing. 

the writing can be pretty clunky. why did they make someone with basically no tv experience the showrunner again? (it turns out that maybe television and novels are different media! with different rules and etceteras!)

no really why is this show being made in 2020 so straight (and so 1990s coy about any hints of queerness)

I don’t care about Narek. At all. He bores me. 

this is obviously a personal thing, as I’ve definitely seen people out there who enjoy him. but yeah. he does nothing for me personally.

and his sister is just. cartoon villainry.

if you’re going to keep intercutting to scenes with the bad guy and his sister sexually choking him and all either actually explain the reason they’re doing all the bad stuff and actual justifications, etc. (we don’t need it to be a surprise to be interesting, yo! why do you care about the android homeworld or whatever it is you’re searching for? have you shared your secret lover names with each other yet or naw?) or just don’t. the baddies should be their own heroes! 

I would definitely prefer the story about how the Federation and Starfleet aren’t what their PR says they are and digging into how flawed they are and colonialism and all that to the one about the conspiracy and infiltrations into the Federation and Starfleet that sort of just skim over the parts where whatever the conspiracy managed to do depended on the flaws in the Federation and Starfleet. 

look, maybe we’ll get it? but, again, trust issues with the writing.

I really, really, really wish they hadn’t gone the addict route with Raffi

it feels a little lazy? very plug-and-play characterization? idk! I think she’d be more interesting without it! 

(also to be fair I have my own issues with addiction stuff in general so even if I trusted it to be done well and all that it still wouldn’t be my favorite.)

is there any trauma care in the future utopia times (the Borg Reclamation Project seems to suggest that there may be at least, on some level, an attempt at it)? has Picard received any mental health care at all post-living-on-a-ship with Troi who sometimes tried but also maybe was too much of a friend to be an effective therapist for him no really what is the status of mental healthcare in the future utopia times I want to know.

(I mean the PTSD stuff makes sense, I’m not denying that and that’s not the stuff I find myself disliking in the character. but it does lead me to wonder about the state of mental healthcare and the like, not because I think he should be “cured” or anything like that, but because I wonder.) 

Is Picard meant to be an asshole I no longer like? 

is the bit with the doctor who is not Beverly telling him about his brain whatever issue meant to be a hint that he’s going senile or something? is that why the worst parts of his nature keep being thrust front and center?

do the writers know how unlikeable he can be in this? is that the point? is there a point to it? do they have any idea at all what they’re doing? (giving alcohol to the addict so she’ll do what you want, Picard? really?)

in conclusion: I just don’t know what they’re trying to do in re Picard the Character on Picard the Series and I worry that the people in charge don’t know either. (also, I want to continue liking Picard the Character so.)

anyway I left out a bunch here (I largely like the crew of the La Sirena but also don’t have anything I really want to say about them) (my eh-reaction to Narek has affected how much I really care about that storyline, but I do in fact like Soji and hope for more interesting stuff for her because I was really bored with her adventures in sleeping with a bad guy) (anyway this is already very long, but yeah, hopefully the rest of the season will return some level in faith in the writings having a Plan but I’m not super confident in that oh well).

[truthbeetoldmedia]

Shameless 9x13 “Lost” Review

Next week, the ninth season of Shameless will come to a close, and Emmy Rossum who plays Fiona will make her final exit (as far as we know). The seasons to come must be carried on the backs of the remaining Gallaghers we’ve come to know and love. But what does the future look like for those whose lives will continue to play out offscreen?

In the second to last episode of the season and Fiona’s onscreen story, we begin to get a glimpse at what her life may become, and how she might get out of the Southside in a more positive way than her brother Ian, who may show up again next season as teased by Cameron Monaghan, who plays him.

After being given an ultimatum by Lip, Fiona seems to wake up having done a complete 180. After helping an injured Frank get to the hospital, she meets with a public defender who tells her if she gets a job and attends AA, a jury may believe she’s contributing to society and overlook her previous felony when deciding how to rule. This is, of course, in relation to her punching a woman while drunk a few episodes back. Fiona follows the woman’s instructions, attending a meeting and getting a job at a gas station doing the overnight shift.

Kevin and Veronica get into their own legal trouble when the daycare they’ve sent twin daughters Gemma and Amy to discovers that they aren’t the same person. The nuns give them two options: Either they can pay a hefty fee, or Kevin can play Jesus in an upcoming pageant. He’ll need to drag an extremely heavy cross the 150 feet from the school to the church, but Kev agrees, thinly avoiding being charged with fraud.

Meanwhile, Lip chases a closed-off Tammi around town after discovering she’s going to see a doctor without him. Lip wants to support her and his unborn child, especially after her father showed up at his house questioning his motives, but Tammi doesn’t want any help making decisions regarding her and the baby. Eventually, she confides in Lip that she got tested for the BRCA gene, which will determine if she’s at high risk for developing breast cancer and if so, whether or not having children will decrease her risk. This is essentially where the conversation ends, as Lip can’t get much more out of Tammi.

Across town, Frank undergoes surgery after stumbling out of Fiona’s old building just as demolition starts. The hospital staff attempts to figure out how they can get him out as quickly as possible, as Frank has a reputation for stealing pills and not paying any of his bills.

At work, Carl faces an armed robber and wins by using his pent up anger from Kelly dumping him and beating him with various objects on the counter. When he gets back to the house, the bad blood between him and Debbie continues as she hangs out with Kelly. The two girls bond while shopping for military gear, as Kelly is about to head back to school. Feeling closer than ever to her, Debbie attempts to kiss Kelly as they’re cuddling on the couch. Unfortunately, her feelings are not reciprocated and she’s left feeling sad and a bit naive when Kelly decides to leave.

Though Debbie is heartbroken, Carl manages to cheer her up, and the two bond over their hatred for the girl who hurt both of them. It’s a nice moment between siblings especially after the strain that’s been on their relationship lately. Carl also tells his sister that he didn’t get into Westpoint, to which she offers a simple but sincere “Sorry.”

And all the while, Liam is at his friend’s house playing video games, watching movies, and eating homemade biscuits. Though his siblings have been texting and calling him all day, Liam is bitter that it’s taken them two days to notice he’s gone (I don’t blame you, Liam). So, he doesn’t answer any of them and continues to live lavishly with his buddy — which definitely beats staying in the Gallagher house.

While Fiona is working her first shift, Max comes into the store. He tells Fiona that the building she invested $100,000 in actually is going to be turned into a nursing home at some point in the next year, and that he wants to buy out her share. Stunned, Fiona can’t do much except agree to figure out logistics in the morning. It looks like this might be her first and last shift at the gas station.

So, it looks like Fiona isn’t going to leave Shameless in a cop car or a body bag after all. Throughout her emotional decline, it’s seemed like the eldest Gallagher sibling might not be able to pull herself together. Her siblings weren’t helping her, her friends weren’t helping her, and she certainly wasn’t helping herself. Now, though, Fiona has a chance that the audience thought would be handed to Frank through the Hobo Loco games — a surplus of money. And with the family just not the same as it once was, I won’t be surprised if Fiona decides to abandon the home she’s spent most of her life building.

In this episode, Fiona and Lip did finally have a conversation about getting back up and trying again. This particular conversation is extremely satisfying, but again, seems long overdue. Having been through an alcohol addiction and the recovery process from that addiction, there’s no reason Lip couldn’t have encouraged his sister to get up and try again when she got fired from her job for being drunk all the time on the clock.

And, sidenote, how is it that Fiona was spending her entire last paycheck on alcohol just last episode, but now seems to be having no trouble refraining from drinking? Even just one shot of Fiona looking at a bottle longingly for a few seconds could’ve made her crawl out of alcohol dependency more believable. Even if she isn’t actually an alcoholic, it’s hard for me to follow that she’s suddenly fine, going to an AA meeting and getting a job all within one episode.

This brings me back to my issue with the show’s pacing this season. There were so many episodes of Fiona walking around town drunk, interacting with a few people, going home and going to bed. All of this filler could’ve been replaced with actual plot points, like Fiona getting arrested and fired, a lot earlier. Then, she would’ve had this motivation to get better and we would’ve watched her struggle to do so. Unfortunately, we now have one more episode for a grand total of two in which Fiona is attempting to recover and get her life back together, and it’s being fast-tracked by a large sum of money. Can somebody say “rushed”?

Ignoring the pacing, this season has all around been fairly uneventful, sans Fiona and Lip’s storylines. Lip says he might get to see Xan in a few days, and Tammi might be keeping the baby. There’s a lot of what ifs right now, and a lot that I’m hoping the finale will resolve or at least raise the stakes of. I’m having trouble caring about Xan when there’s also the pregnant Tammi storyline, though even that is hard to care about when she’s so standoffish and argumentative. I feel like she and Lip are just going in circles about what’s going on with the baby, and I for one don’t know how much longer I can stay on this ride — I’m getting dizzy.

This episode felt like a lot more filler, Frank being given a completely new storyline that can’t go much of anywhere with just one episode left in the season, and Debbie and Carl resolving a petty fight over a girl. And then there’s Kev and V, picking up a long-abandoned storyline after Kev’s vasectomy provided a couple episodes of laughs and not much else. Even Liam, who’s been absent for a while now, spent the episode playing video games with his friend.

The highlight of 9x13 was Fiona being offered her $100,000 back. Though it’s out of nowhere, I guess we just have to accept that this is how Fiona is going to better her life — unless of course she gives it to Frank to help pay off his medical bills, but I somehow doubt that’ll happen.

In the preview for the finale, we see Fiona visiting Ian in prison and also sitting down with Lip, asking him to take care of Liam, presumably, for her. I’m glad that we’ll finally get some loose ends tied up and even see a familiar face before the season ends. I’m just having trouble figuring out what questions we’re going to be left with going into Season 10, besides maybe Tammi’s decision regarding her pregnancy.

Going into the season finale, I’m hoping and praying for a huge plot twist. With the relatively slow and uneventful nature of this season, it only makes sense that the finale would be totally unexpected and jaw-dropping. As a lot of people probably are, I’m hoping deep down that Jimmy/Steve will make his return to whisk Fiona away and start a new life with her. I’ve always been on the fence about them as a couple, but I think Fiona has shown us that she needs her life to be exciting. I’d love to see Jimmy/Steve come back as a better person, but still with that dash of recklessness that Fiona needs. Regardless of if this happens or not, I just hope Fiona finds adventure somewhere. All will be revealed next week, I suppose.

Shameless airs Sundays on Showtime at 9/8c.

Jessica’s episode rating: 🐝🐝.5

[koganphrancis]

WE ARE FINALLY, TRULY CAMLESS!

Season 9 Episode 6 Recap

First and foremost, I want to single out Noel Fisher for being a truly class act and returning to this demon show to give fans what happiness he could-the ONLY happiness a lot of fans have found here, myself included, in a very long time.

Next a serious piece of appreciation to Cameron Monaghan.  I know he worked hard on what little they gave him to do in the past few years, and I’m thankful he had Gotham to work on to actually use his talent while mired down in the stinky swamp this show has become.  In another actor’s hands, I don’t know that Gallavich would’ve been as captivating as it was-without Noel I know it wouldn’t have been, but Cam does deserve credit for bringing the other half of the couple to life-when they were on screen together, they had an undeniable magic happening.

Finally to any of the “fans” that are thinking or posting that we got this actually pretty shitty prison endgame because people pestered the show producers, writers, and actors too much to “bring Mickey back” may I please direct you to watch the early episode (I believe it was in Season 1, but certainly no later than S2) where Lip tells Ian prison must be a gay man’s dream with all the tattoos and unlimited sex partners.  THAT is John Wells’ perception of gay men and it has been since long before he even thought of breaking Ian and Mickey up, let alone bringing Mickey back.  

Personally I’m supremely disappointed this gay couple, like so many others, did not get a free and truly happy ending in canon, even though my friends know I predicted this could very well be all we got in the end.  FFS it’s the year twenty gayteen-couldn’t ONE iconic gay couple be given a nice, normal happy ending?  John Wells is a fucking dinosaur.  He needs to go to a sensitivity training camp run by Dan Levy, Emily Andras, and Ryan Murphy.  

Anyway-my last recap (baring a miracle) of this shit show is under the cut

(screen cap credit: justmikhailothings)

This episode was brought to us by White Castle.  I’d like to think they gave every dime they got from them to pay Noel, but I’m sure it went to the other “big name” guest stars.

Also the show was (disappointingly) written by Nancy “Ratfucker” Pimental, so you know it’s gonna be bad.

The show begins with Ian putting his stuff away up in the attic and claiming he wants to eat a shitload of White Castle.  Sure, whatever.  Everyone is trying to offer ideas of what they should all do on his last day of freedom, but suddenly THIS Ian is talking and making decisions for himself.  WHERE HAS HE BEEN THE PAST 4 SEASONS?  He only appears when Mickey’s about...

Debbie offers to bring him to a gay bar to “get laid” (flashing back to Monica in S3, ugh-it was a bad idea then, it’s a bad idea now), Ian says, “Pretty sure I’ll get laid a lot in prison.”  He says it with a grim expression, but considering how they end the show/who his cellmate is, he should be so lucky.  

Frank pretty much ignores Ian in the scene, and they certainly don’t interact.  Frank recommends Ian should read James Joyce’s Ulysses in prison, but other than the fact that it’s by an Irish writer and it’s extremely long and dense to get through (aka it’ll take Ian some time to do it), I don’t know if there’s any significance to his suggesting it.  

This scene with just a throwaway send off from Macy seems to be in line with John Wells’ vision to have the series fade away with the characters going about their daily lives rather than end, but I really think both Cam and WHM were screwed out of not having a final scene together with just the two of them.  Their comedy timing was always the best out of Macy and all the Gallagher kids.  The lack of respect is just astounding-especially since the show wasted so much time on rando actors/characters we’re never going to see again.

The rest of Frank’s story this week takes place with Liam in tow again and it’s just dumb and boring.

The next scene shows Fiona and Bored looking at an apartment-they’re going to move in together (why?  And when was this decided?  Not that I care, but they could’ve cut a scene of them bickering to show a scene where they arrived at a decision together for once).  It makes absolutely no sense-they have Fiona’s whole place to themselves, why waste $3000 a month living in some other apartment all to themselves?  Just because it has two bathrooms?  Do they shit that much?

And then, ooh, bad news for Fiona-her business partners require her to kick in another 25 grand or their investment will be dead in the water.  I still don’t know how she went from having $50K to invest to $100K, so this new twist is just more bullshit that I can’t care about.  

Then there’s a scene where we have to see Carl’s new girlfriend’s head in Ian’s lap.  WTF.  We need to see Mickey’s head there-or better yet, Ian using Mickey’s perfect thighs as a pillow.  

There’s a couple of boring, unfunny bits of the nun and then the priest (is it supposed to be hilarious that the dad from Full House is spewing out sex scenario names Nancy must’ve googled?) from Kev and Vee’s kids’ preschool with a dildo.  Seriously, Nance, not even close to funny, probably time to put yourself out to pasture, old girl.  This show has used dildos as a sight gag so many times at this point there’s just nothing more to do with them except maybe shove them up the writers’ asses.

Lip’s storyline this week is something out of very, very bad fan fiction: A movie star comes to their house!  Cuz, that happens, okay?  I’m sure studios and billion dollar make up companies don’t run any kind of background check on people they hire to babysit their clients-why would they?  It’s not like a crazed fan would rape/maim/kill the object of their obsession or anything.  ANYONE can be a star minder for one day, surely.  

BORING ALERT: Lip has a couple more running scenes this week, because no one got enough of that last episode.  This week the least they could’ve done was play the Friends theme song over the endless footage where he’s chasing Courtney Cox around on location in Chicago.  

While watching, I was wondering if Courtney’s role was written for her or they just settled for her when Roseanne Barr was suddenly unavailable-the stuff they had her say and do (except for the sprinting) seemed like it was written for a more jaded motherly type-but I’m jumping ahead.  Since we DID get CC, here’s a couple of stray observations.  1. She looks like a rich man’s Emmy Rossum, and 2. was part of the purpose of her storyline to throw shade at Jennifer Aniston?  Her character is named Jen Wagner, and there’s this whole dumb thing where Nancy’s trying to make, “Face it, you’re gorgeous” happen as her make up commercials’ tag line-which was reminiscent of Aniston’s ads for L’Oreal that stated “I’m/you’re worth it”.  

Meanwhile, after Fi gets the devastating news that she needs to come up with more money she tries to get out of taking the new apartment with Bored by lying to him and telling him she smelled mold there-HE RESTORES OLD HOUSES/BUILDINGS FOR A LIVING why does Nancy think that was a clever lie for Fiona to come up with?  How stupid is Fi supposed to be?

Back at the Gallaghers, Ian is practicing self defense moves with Carl and Kelly to prevent someone from raping him at knife point.  Everyone’s flipping each other in these scenes and it just felt like they wanted to give their stunt coordinator (and Cam’s double) a lot of (boring) shit to do this week...Ian’s final scenes being played out with this meaningless newbie (who Carl will probably wind up killing or dumping or both) made me very sad.  I guess maybe it was to build dramatic tension for when Ian’s in his cell later and the door slides open before he turns around.  But it’s lame because the scenes play like he’s JUST realizing prison’s rapey.  

Someone knocks at the door-my heart started racing but it wasn’t Mickey.  A guy who wasn’t in the jail scenes tells Ian Joselito sent him.  Ian starts asking him about the guys he was in county lock up with-WHO CARES.  The guy tells him the couple he’s asking about broke up when one of them got out and Nancy throws in a line about long distance relationships not working.  Joselito sent this Antonio guy to give Ian an “in-depth safety orientation about Beckman Correctional” before they send him up.   

Antonio draws Ian a map of the facility and tells him the areas to avoid, then draws a big circle with Mickey Mouse ears on it and tells him that’s “Disneyland” and he can get all good things there-smooth blowies, weed, Snickers...I’m sure ol’ Nancy thought she was being clever, but it just took me out of the scene hearing Antonio say “Disney” at least three times-reminded me of Cam’s publicity stunt “coming out date” there last year.  

Fi comes in and asks if anyone has any money (shades of S4 when Ian gave her his Fairy Tail tips) and that she needs 25 grand.  She’s so stupid.  And she’s honestly that out of touch with the family that she thinks maybe one of them has thousands of dollars they could give her?  (although, if she had only gotten to Lip before he tried to buy Xan...)

Fiona tells Ian, “Don’t forget, I’m driving you to prison tomorrow.”  And that’s the last time they see each other.  So much for family, eh, Nance?

A huge time waster of a scene where Kev and Vee pack up all their sex toys and then another drawn out scene of them throwing the stuff off a bridge happen.  Seriously, these are Cameron’s final moments on this shit show-they couldn’t think of anything for him to do?  This was all screen time Cam and Noel could have had, SHOULD have had!

I have to recap this next bit because it was beyond belief unrealistic-Frank steals a bicycle and goes following Katey Sagal and her ex-husband when they leave the hospital in an Audi-and Frank manages to keep up with them all the way to their nice neighborhood that must be some distance away since it was daylight when they left and dark when they get to their door.  Frank.  On a bicycle.  Kept up.  YOU’RE SUCH A DUMB FUCK, NANCY.

Then there’s more White Castle with the money shot of the food and packaging all over the Gallagher kitchen table.  Courtney gets to make a bulimia joke Nancy wrote into the scene.  Hope you weren’t looking for a Guest Starring Emmy, CC.  

Ian tells a “Carl story” about him puncturing his scrotum (on purpose) with a screwdriver when he was a kid.  Carl must have the most mangled dick and scrotum on the planet between his several botched circumcisions and now this.  Kelly asks him if that’s why he has “that scar”.  You know what, Nance?  While some people do in fact find scars sexy, self inflicted ones on scrotums don’t make that list.  

Debbie comes in, recognizes “the chick from the make up ads” having dinner with them.  I’m sorry-having WHITE CASTLE with them.  Now everyone else sees it too, and Kelly insists that CC says “the” line that Nancy made up to make happen-why do they keep trying to make meaningless things A Thing?  

After dinner, Jen is giving Ian advice about prison: “Find a hobby, it makes time go so much faster.”  Ian asks, “Did you learn that from one of your movies?” and she says she did 48 hours for DUI (hey, just like Ethan, Nancy!).  Jen really needed to get into making TP paper mache to get through 2 days?  

Debbie, desperate to make shit about her says, “Maybe I should go to prison too.  It seems like the only way I’ll find a real relationship.”  WHY are they acting like Ian’s going away on a single’s cruise?

Jen says to Debs that’s not true and Debbie says it is, that she’s unlucky in love (when the fuck has she ever been “in love”?)...”men, women...”  

Jen tells her she’s a special woman (how the fuck does she know?) and that she doesn’t want just anyone, she wants somebody “who gets you” and then for the second time in two weeks an older woman, without determining if Debbie is of age, pulls her into a kiss and the others (Ian, Lip, Carl, Kelly) stare like, “WTF?”  The kiss ends and Debbie looks all amazed like she did after the Mel kiss, but then Jen looks at everyone and says, “I played a lesbian once in a movie.”  And that’s what your research into that role led you to believe lesbians do?  Kiss random teens when they’re whining?  Lip starts the “Face it” line and everyone else chips in with “you’re gorgeous” and everyone laughs and I don’t get why it’s funny or even why it’s supposed to be funny.  Seemed like they were trying to drive home the point that ACTORS only PLAY gay characters, but no matter how convincing they seem, they are in reality the much more “preferable” heterosexuals we can feel safe with and really want them to be.  Fuck you, Shameless.

Also, Courtney/Jen is three times older than Debbie-CC is 54 irl and Debs is forever 17 now, so more Kash vibes for anyone who was missing those.  Also perpetuates the writer room’s fantasy that hot young actors would find middle and past middle age folks suitable sex partners.

Fi goes to Patsy’s Pies and there’s another hysterically lame scene where she opens the office safe and is counting out money-I don’t know how much a place like Patsy’s rakes in (or keeps in their safe) but I would think it would take a long time to accumulate 25K in CASH in this day and age of debit and credit cards.  She abandons that bad idea and winds up going down to the docks and drinking with a Patsy’s employee and reciting all her “mo money” problems while he counters with the facts that his car’s been repossessed and that he and his moms are being evicted from the projects.  Then the guy kisses drunk Fi but she tells him she has a boyfriend and that she has to apologize for lying to him (although, really, the underlying implication is she has to apologizing for never seeing that he’s always right about her being a dumb woman who has no head for business decisions).  

Lip and Ian have their last one on one scene.  After the movie star mom for a day leaves, Ian’s fake smoking on the front steps and Lip joins him.  Lip gives him money for his commissary account and Ian says, “I’ll pay you back,” (but not thank you) and Lip says, “No you won’t,” and I’m at home saying, “Lip, why are you being such a dick?”  Ian goes to hand him the lit cigarette, but pulls it away when Lip reaches for it, but then gives it to him and rubs his shoulder.  I guess this is supposed to signal to us that they’ve said everything that’s needed to be said?  Except we’ve been watching and we know Lip is supposed to be a mouthy motherfucker and in the old days they would’ve had actual conversations that they DID NOT have at all-all their conversations this season have been short and awkward.  Ian’s been made into a fucking mute now, even in these final moments.

Their last scene should’ve been in their room, in their beds-Ian can’t sleep and they talk things out in the dark like the brothers they used to be, but no.  Can’t have that.  

The Fiona drama finding out Bored has a wife, kid, and house and then drunkenly smashing up her leased vehicle is so “bad soap opera” I can’t believe this show is still on the air.  If we were supposed to cry for Fiona as her make up  and fake blood ran down her face after her millionth time of being let down by a guy everyone else could see was an ass from the start-well, we just didn’t.  

Next day the Gallaghers are waiting in the living room for Fiona to take Ian to prison.  Kev steps up to drive them all in his truck.

They get there, get out, and Ian looks around, then says to his family, “All right.  I thought Geneva and some of the others would be here but...”  Thank christ they weren’t!!!  The show/Ian wasted too much time on those randos as it was.  However, credit where credit is due-the show got us all the way through this swan song arc without bringing up Terror once!  But I digress, back to our scene.  Carl says, “You can only count on family, dude.”  I scream BULLSHIT at my TV screen.  

Debbie says, “I’m gonna miss you.” 

Group hug.  Kev says, “Don’t get too raped in there, aight?”  Everybody breaks apart, the moment ruined.  Kev says he doesn’t know what to say in these situations (and clearly no one can improvise but Noel).  Vee says, “How about goodbye and I love you?”  

Kev says, “Goodbye, man. I love you.”  

Ian says, “I love you guys too.”  Wasting it on the wrong fucking people!  All of them-except Kev and Vee who never voiced an opinion-didn’t care if went to prison!  

Ian looks at Lip, walks over to him.  “Hey, uh, thanks for being my brother.”

Lip, still a dick, says, “Never had a choice.”  That’s right, bitch-you didn’t get to choose to play the interesting gay brother, you got cast as the dick know-it-all who never cared about anyone but himself.  

During this entire farewell scene I was sitting at home, strangely unmoved.  I felt nothing watching it, probably because everyone was such an asshole about Ian going to prison all season, plus never caring about what he was doing all last season, plus the fact that none of these characters are the characters we first got to know.  It hasn’t been a case of character growth and development, it’s been character assassination and retconning.  

Ian breaks the hug.  “All right.  See you guys.”  He goes to the gate, shows his papers, gets let in through the gate, waves to his family as he walks past the fence, walks into the prison, slaps his phone (wouldn’t he just give that to Lip to hold on to?  Battery’s gonna be dead by the time he gets out) and watch (probably ditto on the watch battery) onto a counter, strips down so we see one last quick shot of his naked ass (what, no cavity search?  And just how long has it been since we’ve seen his unclothed ass anyway?), and a glimpse of the boob tattoo.  

Next we see him in his yellow “I Love You, Philip Morris” jumpsuit, carrying his bedding through the GP.  He’s attracting “fresh meat” attention and Cam actually does a really good job of looking a bit scared while trying to look tough and “don’t fuck with me”-there’s a vulnerability there, but he’s not overplaying it, and he’s certainly not overplaying the fronting.  His acting was really powerful in that scene.  

They put him in his cell and slam the door and he winces a little at the sound, then he sadly looks at his 6X8 foot (or whatever the dimensions are) room, puts his bedding pile on the top bunk and leaves his hands up there and lets his head hang down.  He hears the door slide open behind him again and gets this, “Ugh, here we go,” expression on his face and turns around to see it’s Mickey standing there.

Me at home: Not what I wanted for end game but I’m still thrilled to see the man, the myth, the legend again anyway.  He’s all beefy still from when he was shooting Fonzo and looking good.  

Ian’s looking at him like he’s not sure he’s really there.

Mickey mildly says, “I rolled on the cartel I was working for and in exchange guess who gets to pick where he gets locked up?”  

Ian’s got tears in his eyes now and says, “Holy fuck.”

“Oh hey-I got bottom,” Mickey says as he points to the lower bunk.  Then he walks past Ian and says, “So...you’re on top,” in a bit of a sing-songy voice. 

He flops down onto the bunk, puts his hand behind his head-and check out the gifs closely, especially on Twitter-in the jumpsuit you can see the outline of his dick and it “twitches in interest” as the fan fics say (don’t know if Noel did it by adjusting his thigh, don’t know if it was intentional or what-but it was a sight to see whatever the case).  He does a lip lick/bite combination, Ian’s face lights up a bit and he gives a smile, he crawls onto the bunk on top of Mickey, pinning his hand down while Mickey smiles softly, they gaze at each other a beat, Ian gently strokes Mickey’s cheek, Mickey wraps his free hand behind Ian’s neck, their noses boop, and Ian sort of gently thrusts into a kiss (it was good-definitely had a bit of a sexual vibe to it), which Mickey expertly returns.  It was a very good kiss, tender and loving, but that scene needed words, needed Ian to say SOMETHING to Mickey-needed an “I’m sorry” and a “thank you for always being here for me” and exchanged I love yous.  Neither of these boys are ever told they’re loved!  JFC, nine seasons and the show couldn’t manage to work mutual ILYs in ONCE?  Fuck you, Shameless.  They didn’t even say each other’s NAMES!  

Mickey (and Noel) looked so fucking good lying there-relaxed and happy, finally back with his love where he’s always belonged.  Even when his eyes are closed, they’re perfect.  The angle the scene was shot at, we see more of Mickey’s microexpressions than Ian’s.  

An after the credits began scene of them lying in an afterglow embrace would’ve been nice.  Mickey could’ve mocked Ian’s hair (give us one last “Fire Crotch” you cowards!) and boob tattoo (or offered to fix that for him while they’re in the joint).  

Mickey’s got new ink on his forearm we never see clearly.  Until and unless we’re told otherwise, I’m saying it’s a big ginger root ;)  Bam.  

On a personal note, and not to rain on anybody’s parade, while I believe 100% in Drunk Crew Guy and what he said, I really don’t see us getting another scene in the finale.  This show’s attention span is down to nothing now, and I can’t see them dragging these guys back out now that they’ve given us (shitty) endgame. I don’t think enough time will have passed to let them out of prison by then, I think those final episodes are going to be about Fiona leaving and not Ian and Mickey getting to Mexico-and I can’t really see Mickey being able to go back there now that he’s crossed a cartel.  My feeling is the show filmed 2 possible endings using Noel to choose from-one ending with them in Mexico and the other being the one we got.  They probably ripped off The Shawshank Redemption too much with a Mexico ending and decided to go with this “original” idea instead.  I’d love nothing more than to be wrong, and to get one more scene of these two free and happy.  Cam’s question mark at the end of his farewell post and the fact that I do trust everything DCG said leaves a spark of hope burning in my heart, but hopefully I can back away from endless online speculation and theories about it over the next 5 months.  If it happens, beautiful.  If it doesn’t, at least we got one last look at Mickey and he’s getting dicked down and the love he’s always deserved, even if I hate the fact they’re locked up and will be in danger whenever they’re not in their cell-not to mention this is the shitty way gay love stories get handled in general, but I must not go down that path again in this recap.  

I want to add that Mickey didn’t sound all that “Mickey” in his scene, but maybe he didn’t need his swagger and was being more “real” to let Ian know he had a choice (as always, Mickey didn’t force himself on Ian-he let him come to him).  And kudos to Cam for not doing his hideous Chicago accent for most of the episode.  

There WAS love and chemistry in that final scene.  Just sucks that we don’t get it anywhere else in the show and they wasted so much time last night that could’ve been given to Cameron and Noel.  

But hey, I’m finally free of recapping ;)  While I’m sorry the Gallavich parts are now over, I’m not sorry I can finally quit missing what we used to get while watching what the show now does.  Mickey and Ian are back together now, so, fuck you, Shameless.  

[table-top-romulan-playing-games]

Movies I have seen so far in 2018

A few of these arent new movies, just ones ive watched for the first time in 2018. I felt like doing this cuz I really love watching movies and felt that it might be a good version of those "good things" jars, but instead it's movies I saw. Some reviews are short, mostly cuz I didnt really have much in the way of opinions, but I did have something to say.

Just incase you havent seen them. I have tried to keep them spoiler free, but if you dont want even vague non spoiler spoilers, the list of movies is as follows; 

The Grand Budapest; The greatest showman; Jumanji: out of the jungle, King Arthur: legend of the sword, The Black Panther, Shape of water, Thor Ragnarok, the Emoji Movie, the Good Dinosaur, Jurassic world, Incredibles 2, Hotel Transylvania 3, Ant-man, A Wrinkle in Time, Lara croft: tomb raider, Guardians of the Galaxy volume 2, Spider-man homecoming, Ant-Man and the Wasp, Avengers age of ultron (semi live blogged), Captain America civil war, Avengers Infinty War, Deadpool 2016, King Arthur the one with kiera knightly, Deadpool 2, The Nutcracker, four realms, Venom, Love, Simon, Ready player one, Aquaman, Solo, a star wars story, Ghost stories (2018), Wreck it Ralph, Ralph breaks the internet, Goosebumps 2, Hidden figures, The meg, Pacific Rim, Pacific rim uprising, Wrath of the Titans, Mission impossible: fallout,Oceans 8, The Breadwinner, Mune, Operation Finale, The House With A Clock In Its Walls, Bad times at the El Royale, Outlaw king, Gnome alone, Journey to the center of the earth, Hitchhikers guide to the Galaxy, Vvitch, Ex machina, To all the boys ive loved before, Extraordinary Tales, The Golden Compass, Erramentari, the blacksmith and the devil, Dragon heart, The black klansman, Robin Hood 2018, The Princess of Thieves, First Man, Bohemian Rhapsody, What we do in the Shadows, Overlord, For the Love of Spock, Next Gen, Small Foot, The Spy who Dumped Me, The Nun, Kin, Crazy Rich Asians, Spider-Man, Into the Spiderverse, A simple favor, Predator 2018, Rampage, 47 meters down, 2036 Origin Unknown, 2001 A Space Oddessey, The Martian

The grand Budapest hotel - good, great visuals. I enjoyed it.

The greatest showman - wonderful music, actual circus parts were good, the rest was boring. Its really short, and I felt it focused to much on the drama in pt barnums life, too much focus on a silly fuax love triangle, not enough on the acts themselves. I went in hoping to see the acts interact and actually be presented as the forefront. The beginning showed this magnificent scene with the acts, with this wonderful musical number that made me tear up. But then, it was just about Barnum and his kids being boring most of the time. The songs and musical scenes though? Absolutely wonderful, magnificent, stunning, and entertaining. Zendayas and Zac efrons characters duets? Beautiful, I loved the song and choreography. I just feel like the emphasis should have been on the circus itself. Hugh jackman. Needs. To. Do. More. Musicals.

Jumanji: out of the jungle - hilarious omg I laughed my ass off!

King Arthur: legend of the sword: wtf was this movie bro? I mean. I have a new song in my cars playlist, but wtf.

The Black Panther - IT WAS SO COOL! I loved the visuals and the storyline. Shuri is my favorite genius and I can’t wait for more Black Panther

Shape of water: absolutely beautiful omg

Thor Ragnarok: you mean that was the actual movie, that tumblr wasn’t just fuckin with me, like, those were real ass scenes that were filmed?

the Emoji Movie: bad, forgettable, literally did not remember watching it till a friend asked me.

the Good Dinosaur: literally a children's movie, idek why I watched it tbh

Jurassic world: THE HUBRIS OF MAN! THE INDO RAPTOR! BLUE! They made... An indoraptor. Not just any raptor, oh no, that's not enough for the hubris of man, its an indoraptor. What's an indoraptor you may ask? Well it's when you mix a raptor, with the indominous rex DNA. But Cotie, didn't the indominous rex already have raptor DNA? Wasnt that the whole thing that it was a t-rex with raptor DNA? Yes, yes it was. But this one is different, it's smaller, it's smarter, it made to obey commands like a war machine, it's the I N D O R A P T O R! So it's just a super powered velociraptor? Yes, yes it is. So what makes it special? THE HUBRIS BEHIND IT!

Incredibles 2: awesome! I loved it! Those flashing scenes really were no joke though. I don't have epilepsy, but damn those scenes were hard to look at. But I absolutely love the fact that edna babysat jack jack for a night, and gave him a super babysuit. I hope we get to see more of the other superheroes helping out the incredibles!

Hotel Transylvania 3: it was a good movie. Its the only Adam Sandler movie series I can stand, but it was a decent movie. I like the introduction of the van helsing family, and the whole premise. Plus I love the message that its possible to fall in love again.

Ant-man: "in like the Flynn" niiiiiiiiice Tangled ref! "ANT-THONY!!!!" Ok that was a fun and hilarious movie. I fucking love the three wombats, especially Luis omg. Also I love Scott lang relationship with his daughter and that he was the driving force behind his motivation. Also not gonna lie, I kinda watched this one so I could go see Ant-man and the Wasp, but I liked this one too.

A Wrinkle in Time: FUCK ITUNES NOT WANTING TO WORK DURING THIS MOVIE! ok but Chris Pine as a Dad? Awesome. "Happy anniversary, if only you'd dissapear too" wow, these high school preps are viscous. Also I love the little kid calling out grown ups for being pieces of shits. Also this movie was adorable and heart felt and I loved the mix of fantasy and science that made it a science fantasy movie omg.

Lara croft: tomb raider: ok but the girl who kicked Lara crofts butt in the beginning has me gay as Fuck man. "OPEN IT! OPEN IT! OPEN IT!" OK calm down Nicolas cage.

Guardians of the Galaxy volume 2: omg that was indeed another real marvel movie I had just seen. I can't believe the stooges are a space family that just, does stupid things. I love them all. 

We gonna start some parralels; a wrinkle in time - a movie about two siblings trying to find their dad who has been lost for 4 years. They get him back through the power of love; Lara Croft: Tomb Raider - a daughter finds some adverturing stuff to lead her to her father who had been missing for 7 years. Tries to get him back by killing men. Doesn't, and then kills more men; Gaurdians of the Galaxy volume 2: a boy finds his father after 34 years, but turns out he is a huge fucking jerk, also finds that Mary poppins was his dad after all, but then both Mary poppins and jerk dad died, with varying degrees of mourning from Boy.

Spider-man homecoming: omg so many second hand embarrassment scenes but it was so good! I laughed my ass off at the ending omg tony no. But also, that awkward moment when ur dates dad threatens your life and he actually meant it...

Ant-Man and the Wasp: Dude. Duuuuuuude that end credit scene. Duuuuuuuuuuuuuude. That movie was just as hilarious as the first ant-man movie omg! It was fun and incredibal and I'm so happy the 3 combats were there. I was losing my shit over the baba yaga stuff!

Avengers age of ultron (semi live blogged): god, I'm 9 minutes in and I hate this movie... 13 minutes in an ur telling me this could've been avoided if marvel hadnt turned two Romani (from what I remember of mutant canon) characters into, not only human expirements instead of mutants, but voluntary hydra agents. -sighhhh-... 20 minutes in and why, why Tony, just... Tell the team, why do we gotta have lazy 'i dont wanna communicate' writing bullshit...Jarrrrrviiiiissssss my boy T.T... Did they really just try to make dissimising female characters and using their achievements as a sort of 'my horse is bigger than yours' as quality character writing? God this Bruce/Nat romance is so forced... Oh no, Ultron fucking appeared, why does he sound like a bad Tony stark impression? Ultron is fucking annoying... Fuck man, the plot with the twins have arrived, and I hate it... -mentions Wakanda- thanks for reminding of a better movie I could be watching... God, the acting is either way too dry, or way too ham... Wow... Clint is... The most mature person in the movie... Wow, the scene where Nat reveals she is infertile, is worse than I thought it would be, and I knew it would be awful... Hour and a half in, still bad... Though ultron is now acting like a c h i l d... Oh no, now we creating Ultron 2.0 this time its Jarvis... Please discuss it with the team, pleeeease... Annnnnnnd U didn't... Fuck... I'm so tired, 1 hour and 31 minutes and the team is fighting... Thor coming in for the jarvis Saaaave! Yassss vision with the worthy of the hammer! Okay the battle scene with ultron was pretty cool. Still dont like the movie over all.

Captain America civil war: not as much fighting as advertised. Too much 'we arent going to sit down and communicate' trope. Honestly I was too bored and tired to really actually pay attention to closely... All I got from it is the russos need to learn what a get along shirt is and be better film makers.

Avengers Infinty War: wtf, what the fuck, was that. That was some fuck right there. You are telling me thanos was really able to get the soul stone like That? And the mind stone like That? And all that other bull shit? Y'all Russo better be ready to have thanos ass kick in the next avengers movie. But damn that was some shit that happened.

Deadpool 2016: I loved every bit of the movie omg, it was everything I hoped for out of a deadpool movie.

King Arthur the one with kiera knightly: That uh, sure was a King Arthur movie? Way less weird than King Arthur Legend of the sword. Merlin didnt cast magic, and arthur was a Roman, but guinevere is a kick ass archer, soooo acceptable...

Deadpool 2: THAT WAS FUCKIN HILARIOUS I LOVE DEADPOOL SO MUCH! god I love this movie, I would die for dominoe.

The Nutcracker, four realms: such a cute af movie omggggggggggggg. I loved Captain Phillip the nutcracker soldier and the gold highlight they put on his lips 💓

Venom: listen. I did no t see this film for quality. I saw it for the symbi ote ok. Ok. I lov it. But blease for the love of god.... Y.... Did...... The......... Symbiote........ Take the shape of a sexy comic book lady..... When........ The same sexyness could have been achieved by letting the symbiote be big beefy orc like lady....

Love, Simon: I'm not one for these films... I dont like these films... They are teary eyed wholesome cake frosting that make my cold gay heart sick... That being said... I relate, I relate so much... Also... If I was in simons shoes and the blackmailing weasle Martin outed me? They would still be scraping him off the pavement... That is all.

Ready player one: it wasn’t as bad as some of the things i heard about it on tumblr, but its not one I will watch again.

Aquaman: "show off, heh, I could've just pee'd on it" is the exact quality line I want out of my films. Also that was soooooooo awesome! I loved it! More Aquaman!

Solo, a star wars story: Not bad, but not great, it kept on plot really well, not memorable but I won’t knock it. I still say the actor playing Han Solo looks photoshopped and not real.

Ghost stories (2018): awful... It was slow and boring, and I didnt like it... I rented it through itunes and it glitched part of the way through and I stopped being able to see the picture. Even after I got it working again I still didnt like it... Though I did like the message of "dont be a bystander", but the whole this was boriiiiiinnnnnnnggggggggggg.

Wreck it Ralph: okay, technically I caught the beginning like 4 or 5 years ago, but I finally actually watched it and it wasnt bad. Will go see the sequel.

Ralph breaks the internet: WAYYYYYY better than the emoji movie, also, I really loved the princesses scene, the bright colors, and following Venelope through the internet... Also.... Ralph........ WTF..................... Also............................. that Stan Lee cameo.................................... Heartbreaking............

Goosebumps 2: Mr. Chu and his Halloween obsession is me... Stones appearence had me dying omg... Also where tf r ppl getting these awesome super cool Halloween stuffs!

Hidden figures: IM NOT CRYING UR CRYING! omg such a great movie i fucking loved it. Couldnt understand a WORD of math that went on, but damn girls, calculate that shit.

The meg: listen... Listen... The trailer looked stupid... And ridiculous... I just... Wanted to know how bad... And it was bad... But it was incredibally enjoyable omg... I loved it... In all seriousness, it was actually a pretty beautiful movie when it came to marine life and the wonder behind it, and it was anti shark culling for fins, and it was very clearly "not all sharks are bad, they do as they do, but megalodon is about to fuck our shit up."... It was also fucking hilarious... My favorite character was meiying, the little 8 year old in the movie... The love plot wasnt forced and they way they did it the two leads were not having it and had actual chemistry... Just... Also the dog... The dog does not die... Pippin lives... The wedding is not ruined... Also the shark ate a billionaire soooooooo... We good meg... We good...

Pacific Rim: yes I know, I took a long ass time to watch this movie... But Listen... Explody robots and monsters... Hannibal chau... Look... I just... Sometimes take a long time to watch movies... You wanna know how long it took me to watch Merlin BBC? I watched every episode as it came out and then put off the last episode for 5 years... Listen...

Pacific rim uprising: ok I watched the first one so I could watch the one with my boi John Boyega in it.

Wrath of the Titans: wtf kind of movie... Like really what the f... Since when is zues ever responsible and wise.

Mission impossible, fallout: I liked it. It's an action movie. Saw it for my birthday, kinda interested in the other mission impossible movies now. I appreciate the advance tech and the obviously stupid impossible shit.

Oceans 8: Listen, i have never been interested in the Oceans franchise, i dont want to see crusty men steal things, but lads, im gay. Extremely gay, just, shamelessly gay.

The Breadwinner: holy shit that was a good movie.

Secret of the Kells: eh, it was a good movie. Not my favorite, but it was good. I mostly just like the animation.

Mune: Guardian of the Moon: dat was a cute movie, and also i loved Munes Design, he is a little fawn

Operation Finale: Wow, that was an amazing film, absolutely superb. Not at all like the trailers. Seriously, what is it and trailers where everything has to either be an high stakes action movie or a romantic comedy? but this film, spectacular.

The House With A Clock In Its Walls: A Neat little movie. Corny, but i liked it. like, its a kids movie in the same way A Wrinkle In Time is, but this one was little less disney-fied in the way that they needed to have this overarching lesson of empowerment, and more “this is a kids movie to enjoy, like Halloweentown”

Bad times at the El Royale: neat movie, somewhat engaging, kept losing focus at the slow parts... Liked the Chapter title cards... Can't remember who that "important person" was supposed to be.... I think I may have missed it...

Outlaw king: I liked it! Way better than Braveheart! Also.... Cpine was not that naked.... Butt....

Gnome alone: weird, didn't like it, like a bad combo of Mean Girls and Coraline?

Journey to the center of the earth: I said old movies were gonna be on this list now didnt I? Also this movie was awesome and I wish the book was real too.

Hitchhikers guide to the Galaxy: Nice!!! I had been meaning to read the book before I watched the movie, but I've packed my book away soooo, MOVIE. Also out of all thw sci fi movies that have destroyed planets, this is by far the only good one.

Vvitch: it was okay... By the middle I was kinda wishing it would go faster. But it was okay.

Ex machina: I'm not done with the movie yet but it's so fucking creepy holy shit... Also "its kinda non-autistic" in relation to "aware of her own mind and mine"???? Wtffffffff.uggggghhhhhhhhhh ewwwweeweeewewweeeewwwwwww the talk about giving the robot a sexuality is so grooooooooooooosssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss he gave her a working vag and hearing him talk about fucking the robot was baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad. Mmmmmmmm no, did not like.

To all the boys ive loved before: Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww... Also that sibling relationship was..... Relatable.

Extraordinary Tales: tales based on Edgar Allen Poe and holy sweet Jesus I loved it, it has multiple different art styles per story and I loved them soooooo much!

The Golden Compass: okay but how could you end on that cliffhanger and not at least put out another movie????

Erramentari, the blacksmith and the devil: based on Basque folklore which I know nothing of, but it looked neat. It's also originally in basque but netflix has the English dub over. AND HOLY SWEET JESUS I KNOW THIS MOVIE IS SUPPOSED TO BE SCARY BUT THE VOICE OVERS ARE SO FUCKING FUNNNNNNNNYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!

Dragon heart: I didnt like it, there were better movies I could have seen, I'm not gonna reach for this one again...

The Black Klansman: Damn, I might very well be speechless. That was a Fantastic Movie, came at you like a bag of Bricks, and the ending when it went straight from a cross burning to the 2017 neo nazi rallies, to trumps “good people on both sides” speech, to everything that happened in 2017. The movie did NOT fuck around with anything. God Bless.

Robin Hood, 2018: Antifa film of the YEAR! Yeah Robin, Be a Class Traitor to the ruling class, Spread Wealth, Down with the 1%!

The Princess of Thieves: OMG Kiera Knightly as the daughter of robin and also a kick ass archer that causes trouble!!!! Loved it!

First Man: dude that movie was incredible, it read like you were seeing snapshots of his life, not completely invested, but as though you were a spirit looking at memories. I kinda liked it. I loved the silent scenes that filled the viewer with anxiety, like a realization of the gravity of what was happening. Omg. Good film A+

Bohemian Rhapsody: OMG I LOVED IT SO MUCH OMGOMGOMGOMG MY QUEER HEART IS RESTORED AND THEY SAID BISEXUAL!!!!!

What we do in the Shadows: that was an enjoyable movie. I didn't quite like the reality show format but it was funny!

Overlord: That was a great movie! it had decently fast pacing, which is good that it was only an hour and forty-eight minutes long... They Plot-Ex-Machina’d alot of the movie, like the wounded soldier feeling fine for the main firefight, then remembering he was supposed to be wounded all of a sudden. I watched it with a friend who saw one character, turned to me and said “He’s cute, i hope he doesnt die” one (1) second before a landmine went off. Also, Ghouls created by science rather by supernatural means.

For the Love of Spock: -cries like a big baby-

Next Gen: screams of anti-tech ideals... Also.... Damn...... They are channeling the "addiction to iPhones" angle man, like, villianous angle...

Small Foot: Not bad, At least it was a Short movie, or at least it didnt feel like it was dragging on. The Songs were great though, I actually liked them and at least they were written for the movie and not like, a song that already existed...

The Spy who Dumped Me: I rented it through iTunes and it gave some Ukrainian nuts swangin in my face...

The Nun: it was okay, but let maurice theirult be a lesson; u see some creepy haunted shit, you grab a cross and you walk away. You dont go back to play hero, cuz then you get possessed.

Kin: there is a line in the movie that says "you got a decade of bad decisions under your belt" and I feel like that sums of this movies plot points...

Crazy Rich Asians: that was so gooooood! I don't normally go for romcoms, but ppl had been praising the film, and I actually liked it. I'm glad I saw the majong scene explain before I actually watched the scene, because it felt a shit ton more powerful.

Spider-Man, Into the Spiderverse: AMAZING! INCREDIBLE! the animation was TOP NOTCH, like, omg!

A simple favor: I didnt like it... It tried to be both a thriller and what seemed like a parody of a thriller.

Predator, 2018: I kinda liked it, it was a mindless action movie, and the ending left it open for a badass sequal. I havent seen the other predator movies so I have no idea if this is in faith for the series, but im guessing yes.

The Martian: It was cool and chill, I liked it, also Mark Watney cussing out a government agency via a hundred thousand dollar communications outlet is.... Mood.

47 meters down: 2hrs of one woman having an absolute panic attack and being right to worry about sketchy diving boats.

2036 Origin Unknown: kinda what I feel like 2001 a space Oddessey wouldve been like if I had actually watched that movie... Oh shit the Borg!

2001 A Space Oddessey: Have I ever told y'all that I dont like Kubrick or his movies? His movies are the epitome of that pretentious art school boi style that just does too much and tries to pretend it's more than it is and sweet merciful god why is this one 2 and a half hours long! I'm 40 minutes in and I have a head ache from the over ise of classical music and boring slow pace of the movie. 2001 a space Oddessey is 2 and a half hours long and only has 1 hr of actual relevant film... The other 1 1/2 is just unending, weirdly colored space shots, two color inversion shots of planets and eyes, theremin and flute noises, and classical music set to nothingness

RAMPAGE: a 30ft alligator showed up about an hour and 10minutes into the movie and the first reaction was "well that sucks" and it killed me on sight. The movie is awesome! In am so glad I picked this as my last movie of 2018.

[jbuffyangel]

Weekly Rundown 10/21/18-10/26/18

Time to rundown what I’m watching, loving, hating and everything in between! Spoilers ahead! Full episode reviews and reactions are linked in the titles.

Daredevil Season 3

Just so y’all know - most nuns do not wear their habits in public anymore. It’s been that way since Vatican II, but TV refuses to catch up.

The action is amaaaaazing again. I love how Matt actually gets tired when he’s fighting.

I don’t want Matt to put that ugly Daredevil suit on again he looks ridiculous. Keep the black mask and call it a day.

I want Foggy to propose very badly. I need a Foggy wedding in Season 4.

Is there any particular reason why Karen didn’t haul ass to Frank’s Punisher lair when her life was in danger and Matty Mcbrown eyes was off Daredeviling an existential crisis? That’s where I’d go.

Matt refusing to ask the other Defenders help because “it’s not their fight” is the stupidest reason ever.

Arrow (“The Longbow Hunters”)

It is a bit creepy when Stan says, “I bet a guy like that would do anything to keep his family safe.” Maybe Stan is a nuthouse, but leave me to my dream for now.

Is it me or did Yorke look older than 40? 1978????

Deputy Director Bell is evil. Calling it now.

The Longbow Hunters don’t actually use bows. This is a twist I did not see coming.

Bl*ck S*ren can’t lawyer worth a damn, but she can wear a suit.

“Stay behind me.” That was oddly hot Rene. I’m wildly uncomfortable that I find you attractive right now, but it is what it is.

Rene: Been back in town a week and you’re already sneaking out of A.R.G.U.S. behind Papa Dig’s back? I’m so proud.

Felicity: Thanks man.

This whole exchange was delightful and not remotely derogatory like “Blondie.” THY NAME IS CHARACTER GROWTH.

“Grab your balls Curtis, we’re going in.” If the Rene character only exists to say this one line of dialogue then it was worth it.

Why didn’t BS and Dinah go after the Longbow Hunter? What is up with allowing all these criminals to run away at a moderately brisk pace and our people acting like they can’t catch them? They are called legs! Move your ass!  

BITCH YOU BETTER NOT STEP ON THAT PHOTO!!!!!!!

Legends of Tomorrow  (“The Virgin Gary”)

Legends Season 4 premiere is fantastic and full of all the hi-jinks I’ve missed over hiatus.

“Speaking of the same old crap isn’t that what he did last year?”Legends gets points for acknowledging that Wally gets the storyline shaft a lot.

When you are officially a hero the time bureau gives you a medal, but I was more excited about the balloons.

It would be super weird if the Legends spent more than a day in 2018.

Remember when Oliver asked Sara to move in with him and she went running screaming in the other direction? It all worked out because Sara knew he was really in love with Felicity. I’m just saying she’s come a looooong way.

I want to be clear about one thing and it’s not up for debate. Ready? The best thing about Legends is Mick. It’s always Mick. That is all.

OMG NATE’S FATHER IS BIFF FROM BACK TO THE FUTURE?????!!!!!!!! THIS IS SPECTACULAR CASTING!!!

Manifest “Connecting Flights”

It was nice to fill in the back story of the characters left behind after the plane went missing, however the show is starting to lose my attention. I need more movement on these character relationships. Manifest is hitting a lot of the same notes week after week.

This Is Us (“Toby”)

Randall is going ahead with the city council job? Are they independently wealthy Does no one have to work?

Baby Toby is the cutest.

Holy crap is this how in vitro really works? It’s so friggin expensive and no guarantees. Wow, my sympathies to all those who have gone through this excruciating process.

Randall unbuttoning his shirt is all the reason I need to vote for him. Done deal. 

Toby used his wonderful sense of humor to cheer up his depressed Mom. Ugh my heart.

But for real though sometimes you need just “one damn day.” #MomLife

Three hours to get ready Kate? Just as an FYI - that’s all over when you have a baby. You’ll be lucky to get a shower.

Miguel carried a piano up stairs to cheer Rebecca up. That’s love.

“There’s so much of her in you it scares me.” THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU SAY TO YOUR CHILD ASSHOLE.

A+ on the prom dresses. Absolutely what I wore in high school. We were fashionista slaves in the late nineties.

Kate’s impression of Adele is dead on.

Miguel tries so hard. He’s just trying to keep his promise to Jack.

Rebecca is such an amazing mom. Kate doesn’t give her nearly enough credit.

KATE IS PREGNANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Rookie (Pilot” and “Crash Course”)

I really loved The Rookie. I typically don’t hate procedurals, but this one has surprised me thus far. It’s fast paced, so it held my attention more. I hope it stays that way. 

I love how it is the rookies versus the training officers. It fills my Rookie Blue void.

I am not invested in any ships yet. I am not buying the romance between Nolan and Lucy so far. I actually think Lucy has more chemistry with Bradford and Nolan with the Captain.

A Million Little Things (“Friday Night Dinner” and “The Game of Your Life”)

I want to love this show, but they are making it next to impossible. I hate cheating storylines in any show. It’s one of the main reasons I quit watching Shonda Rhimes’ shows because she is unable to write one without including adultery. Arrow’s original love story revolved around cheating and was an absolute mess. It feels like a lazy way to inject drama. This cheating storyline between Eddie and Delilah is making two characters who are otherwise very likable extremely unlikable. 

Instead of jettisoning this plot into the atmosphere where it belongs and never speaking of it again, A Million Little Things is double down on it.  Delilah is pregnant! Oh wonderful, now we get to play “Who’s the Daddy?” for several weeks.

Apparently, the writers come from The Fl*sh school of writing. Characters can only be mad at other characters for one episode. All the friends found out about Eddie and Delilah’s affair and the very next week they are sitting down to pizza. It’s at Delilah’s house and Eddie’s wife Katherine comes too because FRIENDS. No. Just no.

Instead of being angry at Eddie and Delilah, the friends make excuses for them. Regina’s conversation with Delilah turned into a huge “I didn’t see your pain” apology, which is flat out ridiculous. What Delilah did was so off the charts wrong there is no excuse for it. If you are in pain see a therapist. It’s not an excuse to cheat on your husband. Also, Regina you are not to blame for Delilah lying to everyone for over two years. 

Gary, who has been the angriest, decides he’s being too hard on Eddie (ya know by actually holding him accountable for his actions) and lets Eddie move in with him after his wife finally kicked him out. Are you freaking kidding me with this? I was already mildly irked at Gary for giving Delilah a free pass, but I understood his reasoning because her husband just jumped off a building. She has been punished quite a lot. But Eddie? I think we could muster a couple episodes of anger towards Eddie.

The writers attempted drum up sympathy for Delilah by shining a little light on her seemingly perfect marriage with Jon. It’s not really perfect, but what marriage is? Jon was short with Delilah during a family dinner. He took a phone call from work and snapped, “Everything I do is for this family.” What a bastard. Of course, that is reason enough for Delilah to jump into bed with Eddie, her husband’s best friend. GIVE. ME. A. FRIGGIN. BREAK. If my husband slept with someone else every time I was cranky with him, he’d have a harem.

So, on top of being suicide apologists, the writers are adding cheating apologists. There is no reason to cheat. It’s just mean. Nobody has put a gun to your head. If you want out of your marriage you march to an attorney’s office and file for divorce. Not sure if you want a divorce? Then go to counseling. But cheating, under any circumstances, is wrong. It’s cruel and selfish. It’s trying to have your cake and eat it too. A Million Little Things trying to excuse away Eddie and Delilah’s heinous behavior is almost as bad as the cheating itself. Trying to make suicide and cheating okay with excuses is dangerous behavior. I AM NOT A FAN.

Stray Thought - on what planet is a school program presented in the middle of the freaking day? What kind of ridiculous school do Eddie and Katherine send their son to?

Blindspot (“The Quantico Affair”) 

Zapata has a very interesting running stride. Sorry I was in cross country. That stuff interests me

Roman saying "He knows. This is it. Kill him" underscores the dramatic tension.

I’m gonna need someone on Team Blindspot to pick up on Remi's side eye. Y'all are FBI agents for goodness sake.

I don't actually know what Patterson's name is, but I feel confident it is not Lisa.

I think Martin Gero saw me write "Where is Patterson's storyline?" in my last review. I could have opted for patience, but complaining loudly via written word felt like a better plan. 

Hey watch the condemnation Remi aka Jane aka double secret agent who told so many lies I can't keep it straight anymore.

OMG Rich not explaining how the tattoo was solved is the best thing ever. PLEASE DO THIS EVERY WEEK

I wanna talk about the Book of Secrets mostly because Rich calls it the Book of Secrets.

Hahaha. Her one night stand showed up at work. This is how Meredith and McDreamy began. I highly recommend elevator scenes too.

One night stand boy is Weitz's nephew. IT. JUST. GOT. BETTER

Sure Madeline come on in and check out our super secret tattoo murder board.

"Thundercats ho!" OMG was that an ad lib?

Totally ship Patterson and this dude. I should probably learn his name.

Somebody tell Rich about the one night stand. Pleeeeeeeease.

I'm not calling him Lincoln. He shall be known as "Slab of Man-Ham" forevermore.

Patterson and Rich are the perfect work wife/husband team. Remember Rich is the work wife

How does Weitz maintain employment? This may be the greatest of all Blindspot's mysteries.

Of course "Jane" and Weller are on the train Weitz. IT'S THEIR JOB. Seriously someone get this dude a DVD of #Blindspot S1-S3

Patterson girl, Jane is never that cranky with you when she's diffusing bombs. SOMEBODY NOTICE PERSONALITY CHANGES PLEASE!!!

"You're new here." ALL KNEEL TO PATTERSON.

[waterlilyvioletfog]

Why Reading ASOIAF Made Me Dislike Game of Thrones- An Open Letter to David Benioff and D. B. Weiss

Hey dudes. Your show sucks. 

Since October, 2016, when I decided to start watching Game of Thrones, I have been slowly reading the book series you are adapting it from: George R. R. Martin’s A Song of Ice and Fire, which is a fantasy series that sets out to examine the genre of fantasy itself, humanity, morality, ethics, climate change, and our collective reality through the lens of morally grey, intelligent characters, living in a medieval fantasy world fifteen years after a two year long civil war called Robert’s Rebellion rocked the core of the continent/country of Westeros, some of whom are self-aware, some of whom are really, really not. 

There. That’s the spoiler-free series summary.  

It didn’t occur to me while I was reading book one, it niggled in the back of my head while I was reading book two, but it stuck with me while I was reading book three, A Storm of Swords, the very simple thought that yo. 

Your show is far. Far. FAR worse than the books you set out to adapt. 

People go up to me and ask “What are you reading, Vi?” because that’s how you start a conversation with someone who doesn’t want to talk to you. I show them the book title, they see the banner at the top reading “GAME OF THRONES- A NEW ORIGINAL SERIES FROM HBO” and say, predictably, unfailingly, “Oh, Game of Thrones!” and I have to take the time to put the old, worn receipt I use as a book mark in my place to inform the uninformed, “The books are a hundred thousand times better than the show. And that’s not even me being a book snob. Read the books, don’t watch the show.” You don’t know how exhausting that is. 

You will find no shortage of people on this site who are fans of the books and/or your TV show. Many criticize you, many criticize GRRM, some unrepentantly  scream into the Void that you and/or GRRM are God, and deserving of nothing but veneration, unquestioning love, and sainthood. I have reblogged and liked posts from all three sorts of people. Never doubt that I enjoy both stories. Your television series has some really good acting, plenty of nice aesthetics, and some damn nice costumes. 

And yet, I vastly prefer the books. Reading the books, reading metas about the books, reading fanfiction about the books, reading metas about the show, and seeing the general discourse in both fandoms has all brought me to the conclusion that I prefer GRRM’s story. 

Lady Stoneheart and Young Griff are the two major storylines that you cut out in your book-to-screen adaptation, to the utter detriment of your show, and the fact that you removed them tells me a lot about what you do and do not understand about ASOIAF. 

Lady Stoneheart, the reanimated corpse of the late Catelyn Tully Stark, is a character only introduced in the epilogue of A Storm of Swords, and I can understand why, at first glance, you would think that your decision to cut out her narrative is acceptable. You murdered Catelyn’s story within her own story, after-all. You forgot that Robb is not the center of the Northern Rebellion; Catelyn is. She is the eyes and ears, and it is her mistakes that both start the war, end it, and prolong it. 

Lady Stoneheart’s story effects Brienne of Tarth’s story, and Jaime Lannister’s story, and GRRM’s examination of knighthood, honor, redemption and loyalty through them. It relates to Gendry, Sandor Clegane, and Podrick Payne, and their themes of loss of identity, as well as Sandor’s themes of redemption and mercy. LSH’s own actions work to the detriment of her daughter Sansa, and the themes of her story mirror and accentuate those of her younger daughter, Arya, whose story is about psychological trauma, justice, mercy, death, and why you should not join death cults. By cutting out Lady Stoneheart, Sansa’s story becomes that of her poor, forgotten friend, Jeyne Poole, and Arya becomes a terrorist instead of a girl struggling to find her identity and wander home. 

Lady Stoneheart, in GRRM’s broader examination of the genre of fantasy, is an examination of the trope of the reanimated dead. Catelyn is resurrected as LSH after three days of slowly decomposing in a river, her torn cheeks and slashed throat still draining blood. When Beric Dondarrion sacrifices herself to save her (yes, Beric is dead in the books) he does not bring back the loving mother who knew the name of every stablehand in Winterfell, he brings back the screaming woman who “clawed her face to bloody ribbons” when she witnesses her last living child die before her eyes. He brings back a demon, intent on bringing death to anyone she views as remotely related to those who have done her wrong. This is GRRM’s examination of why people don’t just come back from death. They are changed, they are different, they are a bit mad. LSH is a zombie, every bit as much as the wights, she’s just a zombie forged of the other end of the spectrum: fire. 

Aegon VI Targaryen, or “Young Griff” is the perfect prince. He is introduced during the fifth book, even later than Lady Stoneheart. You would think exempting him would be even more acceptable, and yet, once again, you would be wrong. 

Young Griff’s story relates to Arianne Martell, another character who is utterly cut out of the television show, as well as to the Sand Snakes and their plot with Myrcella Baratheon, who they were intending to crown as queen, not murder. Young Griff, by extension, relates to Doran Martell and poor, poor Quentyn Martell, and to Daenerys Targaryen, Ashara Dayne, Varys, Illyrio Mopatis, and, crucially, CRUCIALLY, Tyrion Lannister, who has become a background character ever since his escape from King’s Landing in Season Four. Young Griff is planning on invading Westeros using the Golden Company, which will probably effect the remainder of Arya’s stint in Braavos before she runs into Jeyne Poole and Justin Massey, and the actual invasion will greatly affect Brienne of Tarth because of where the island of Tarth is located. Brienne is her father Selwyn’s only heir, and he’s probably going to die before the end of TWOW, leaving Brienne as the Evenstar. 

In GRRM’s broader discourse, Young Griff’s role, as @poorquentyn talks about quite a bit in his metas, is to deconstruct the fantasy genre as a whole. Young Griff is the Perfect Prince in exile, Varys’s guaranteed A+ Political Science thesis project, complete with badass army, misfit mentors, sassy nun, and a hot future wife waiting for him. And yet, Young Griff is actually a tragedy because he is not Aegon VI Targaryen, he is not the Once and Future King, he is not the savior, he is not Rhaegar Targaryen and Elia Martell’s son. Young Griff is most likely the biological son of the hedonistic pedophiliac opportunistic Illyrio Mopatis, and a kid who would have been content to sail up and down the Rhoyne with his motley crew for the rest of his life, but no, he was told that he is the only living child of Rhaegar Targaryen, the heir to the Iron Throne. GRRM uses Young Griff to explain Dany’s story and Jon’s story. Don’t you see how unsatisfying it would have been, he asks, if Jon had been Young Griff? Don’t you see how much more interesting Jon’s story is with Val and Ygritte and Sam and Gilly and Monster and Mance and Donal Noye and Satin and Craster? Don’t you see how much better fantasy can be? 

You see, my good sirs, you have missed the entire point of ASOIAF in your hit television show: what can fantasy be? 

Arya does not have to be merely the plucky tomboy, an assassin with a sad backstory who Is Not Like Other Girls. Arya can be the plucky tomboy who looks up to her mother, is jealous of her sister, and is abused by her teacher. Arya can be a girl who admires other women, who wishes she were pretty, who loves to learn languages and is good at math. She can be the girl who wargs into Nymeria and the cats of Braavos, who leaves Sandor Clegane to die because he would not let her kill herself trying to save her mother. 

Jon Snow does not have to be merely the Male Action Hero Who Will Save the Day and Get the Hot Chick. Jon can be a flawed man, too young, too brilliant, too radical, too kind to live. He can be the adopted son of a good man, he can be intelligent and still make mistakes, he can be kind and still show Gilly profound cruelty, he can be a leader and be best at leading when he is negotiating marriages and panes of glass and who works where when. He can be impartial to who sits the Iron Throne and still get himself killed for loving his baby sister too desperately. He can be a good leader, and still be killed. Jon is not important because he is Rhaegar’s son, he is not important because he is the Ice to Dany’s Fire; he is important because he is Aragorn’s Tax Plan. 

D. B. Weiss and David Benioff, your story fails in the face of the might that is ASOIAF because your story fails to be profound. Your story fails to contribute anything to The Great Struggle. Your story fails to innovate, your story fails to evolve. Your story fails to understand the core of its own characters, it fails to understand its own themes and messages. 

Your story fails because it is not a compelling story. 

I hope you are capable of understanding that. 

Best Wishes, 

A Teenage Girl Who You Can Call Vi

[questions-within-questions]

My big The Last Jedi post

Spoiler free until you get to the page break 

I love the theme of this film. It’s pretty much exactly the theme from the star wars sequal trilogy I had playing in my imagination when I was a child. But it really took me in surprise with how the film executed it. It’s not as simple as “there’s a lesson the heroes are learning, meanwhile the bad guys and some idiot Jedi are standing of the way of that” 

The pacing of this film? It’s well documented that I hate the pacing of the Star Wars films. I think all of them, save for Revenge and Awakens, have terrible pacing. This film has three story-lines and is really, really long. I love long films, but even I thought “Wow I don’t expect a star wars film to feel this long” but the pacing almost makes it work because there’s a clear plot (Screw you Phantom, Clones and Empire) and a lot of the film keeps you on your toes about how it’s going to end. 

A lot of the reviews I read have complained that Finn and his story-line is the short end of the stick? I don’t understand that. I freaking love Finn and Rose’s story here. It’s not big on character arcs but it is big on character exploration, world building, and damn I love Rose? I was always eager for the plot to return to their story.

And I LOVE that world building. Thing I disliked about Awakens? No space politics; I didn’t feel like I understood how this setting worked. And, yes, I still don’t really feel like I know what the Republic even is at this point. But Finn and Rose go to a core world planet (which, we never see in the movies. Courasaunt is literally the only planet we spend any time on that isn’t a sleepy back water in the films. Naboo is the next in line and even that felt like an outsider in the republic) I freaking love seeing what that looks like. Rose says some really profound stuff about the people who live in the side of the galaxy which isn’t war torn.  I’ve seen a lot of people complaining about Luke having his character ruined. And I am so freaking happy because I hate fanon Luke. Everyone expects Luke to be a chosen one and to be a Jedi Grand Master like Yoda in the prequels and to be this super-sayan human deity. And yet Luke’s entire character arc in Return is realising that he’s better than that, beyond that. And I’m glad this film follows through with it. It’s a great performance from Mark.  Hux is, weirdly enough, the character I think who benefits the most from this film? Like, he’s not in any way different from how he was in Awakens, but the tone and plot just benefits him more. I didn’t even notice he existed after my first watch of Awakens, but in this I was always happy to see him on screen. Shippers are going to have a fucking field day.

Kylo Ren also is a character who’s arc I really, really enjoyed in this film? Which, woah that’s a surprise. I still think Rose and Finn’s storyline is more enjoyable, but Kylo’s and Rey’s is really compelling and had me surprised. Their conflict is really easy to understand and ties in really well thematically with both the film and where the franchise is right now. Kylo is probably equal only to Poe in terms of how much character development he gets, with Rey in a close third place.  SPACE BATTLES. Damn, I complained that Awakens didn’t have enough battles and this film did me a solid. Now that writers seem to have a strong hold about how battles actually work in this setting, especially in space, things are just really satisfying.  People have complained that this film is too funny? What? How is that a bad thing? Y’all just want a star wars film to make you miserable because that’s how you think you remember Empire making you feel.  Anyway time for Spoilers  ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Lot’s of spoilers now. If the prequel trilogy is about the failings of stoicism, the original trilogy is the triumph of emotion, this trilogy is setting up to be about letting things go, moving on.

Which, you know, Star Wars really badly needs to do. It’s horrifically formulaic. So having Luke Skywalker say “You don’t need Luke Skywalker”... it works for me.  I’ve been hating on the Jedi for a decade now, and Luke’s criticisms of them ring so true. The force isn’t something to be wielded. Hording the force into super soldiers isn’t what the force is here for. The force is something that is best utilised by everyone, together, rather than a lone hero. Which I think wonderfully explains why the Jedi failed and the Rebellion succeeded.  Yoda seemed to realise this, a finally reached the end point of his character arc. Forgoing his hubris and helping Luke destroy the temple. I was actually about the forgive the green bastard but then he makes this pun “There’s nothing in the library that Rey doesn’t already posses.” BITCH KNEW ABOUT THE BOOKS. But this is why I love that Luke’s last battle isn’t him using the force in an amazing display of power to destroy the first order, but rather using the force in an amazing display of power to cause a distraction so that the Resistance can live.  But how amazing is Rey and Kylo’s take on this? Two kids who spent the entirety of the previous film obsessed with the past admitting that actually, the past has been cruel to us. Kill that sentimentality. Of course the reason they differ is because Kylo is evil and thinks the end point of this is destroying the republic, resistance and the first order. Rey literally rolls her eyes at this shit. But it’s really compelling to see why these two kids would both do a 180 and turn on the legacies that previously controlled them, all be it in very different ways. Rey is just ungodly powerful, and that’s fascinating. It’s revealed that she has no lineage, she’s literally nobody special. She’s just some random kid who happens to have amazing power. (And damn she’s strong in the dark side too) which makes for a very interesting Star Wars protagonist. Because we’ve had Anakin and Luke both be chosen ones due to their conceptions. Anakin defined by the dark side and Luke by the light. It feels fresh to have Rey be the hero now. Luke literally says, “I’m going to give you three lessons. Not about how to be a jedi, no, about why the Jedi suck”. She drops out of Luke school before even taking the third lesson! She still kicks ass fighting the royal guard. It’s impressive.  It’s all pretty damn dwarfed by some of the shit Luke and Snoke pull. That galaxy spanning stuff has the be the biggest displays of force power we’ve ever seen mortals do in the films. I know people are saying that Leia flying through space like an angel is bullshit powerful, but damn, if you watch Star Wars Rebels; force pulling yourself through space is just the easiest thing to do. Very pretty. Though her cloak billowing up to look like angel wings? A bit heavy handed what with Carrie’s recent passing.  Speaking of Snoke. The number one Raylo shipper? Snoke. I love his evil plan in this film. I know it rhymes a lot with the Emperor's plans, but it’s like he watched Return of the Jedi and was like “Hmmm, I could use this to my advantage” and I love that he died like a punk. I still have no idea where he came from, why he has such weirdly long legs, what his motivation is, or why he’s such a obvious retread of Palpatine, but hay it was fun watching him be an evil bastard and die so to be a stepping stone in Kylo’s story.  He also slapped Rey in the face with her own lightsaber using the force? Literally yesterday I posted to tumblr wishing this would happen. (I also theorised that Rey was her own parents so shit me did I gasp when she saw herself behind the dark side mirror) That scene in Snokes throne room is a wonderful subversion of Vader’s promise to Luke in Empire? “Together we could overthrow the emperor and rule this galaxy” this is a subversive look at, “Hay, what if Vader had actually followed through on that?”  Speaking of Raylo. Damn the ship wars are going to be intense. This film gives massive material to all of the popular ships. Huxlo and Raylo especially, without saying anything definite at all. There’s literally nothing in the text to suggest that Hux, Kylo and Rey aren’t all disgusted with each other. But damn there is fuel for those fics now.  I did a little dance every time Phasma turned up. She’s so cool. She’s somewhere between Bobba Fett and General Grievous in terms of “really cool character who does nothing and dies”  So that final scene. It’s already controversial. And I bet the editing team were anxious about leaving it in. It was probably tempting to end on our cast of heroes. But you know what? Empire did that and that ending sucked. Having a force sensitive kid telling his own stories about the Resistance as he looks up at the horizon? Thematically it’s just more satisfying.  Though this film really does try to have it’s cake and eat it too with killing the past. The Jedi temple is destroyed, but the books survive. Kylo shuns the Vader mythology, but plays the exact role that Vader did in the battle of Hoth in the final battle. Luke says we don’t need Luke Skywalker, but the final scene is a boy being inspired by his mythology.  LIST OF STUPID THINGS I LIKED Adam Driver visibly slipping on those really polished First Order floors, and the editor just keeping it in. Space nuns!?  BB-H8 turning up and the film instantly recognising that this droid is A MAJOR THREAT. They killed off Admiral Ackbar!?  Luke’s smile when he saw R2!!! Rose looking out over the casino planet. Saying all these people are happy. And not one of them cares about the war we’re dying in. Damn. I love it.

[couldnt-think-of-a-funny-name]

I need the story of the Underground Shakespearian Ring

Okay, so the school I went to for 9th grade had this really bizarre grading setup that I still don’t understand- for some reason, instead of the teachers writing up and grading tests and exams and the like, all the work was sent to an unknown third party for them to grade??? It made no sense.

Now, for the most part, the school had decent teachers, and they would just teach the curriculum correctly and then you wouldn’t run into problems with the grading. My English teacher was not one of those teachers.

So like, she hated me pretty early on- she was my homeroom teacher and thought it was disrespectful that I slept in homeroom in the mornings (I was on sleeping pills and they never wore off completely until around 10am), I never had the vocab homework in on time (someone kept breaking into my locker and stealing my vocab books I had to buy a new one like five times), she thought it was “inherently pessimistic and stuck up” when she caught me reading a book called ‘Ninth Grade Slays’ (it was about vampires, not her?), and during our Greek Mythology unit I kept correcting her about the name pronunciations of the gods (she pronounced Hephaestus as Hepatitis one time holy shit). 

Anyway, her feelings on me aside, her teaching skills were shoddy at best. But I had had way worse teachers, so had the rest of the class, and Greek myths are pretty straight-up in what’s going on, so no one really had trouble with the third-party tests.

Then we get to the Romeo and Juliet unit.

Now, fun fact: Shakespeare has always come pretty easily to me. Like, to the point where I sometimes forget/fail to understand that other people have an incredibly hard time translating his works. (I told this whole story to my friends in the school I went to for 10th/11th/12th grade and when the drama department put on ‘Midsummers Night Dream’ one year, more than half the cast tried to get me to translate their scripts and monologues for them lmao).

So, anyway, I’m just a girl, reading Romeo and Juliet and digging how it’s going…and then the teacher starts ‘translating’ it.

Um.

I cannot sift through all the bullshit this woman was spewing, but let’s just say that my favorite part is during Romeo’s spew about Rosaline, there’s one part where he says something like ‘with cupid’s arrow/she hath diane’s will’, and the teacher was taking this to mean Rosaline was a Super Lesbian who was breaking the law or something and running away with her lover Diane, which would be a rad storyline, sure, but like…I’m just raising my hand like “Um Ma’am, Diana is the Roman goddess of chastity. What Romeo meant is that she told him she’s sworn off love and is probably becoming a nun?” and this woman just got. So angry. Like, excuse me, you are a student, you’re here to learn, so you clearly don’t know anything about this (I read Romeo and Juliet for the first time in like preschool whoops). Anyway, she continues on making up her own plot to the play, and I…well I was basically Hermione Fucking Granger at this point I couldn’t just sit there and listen to someone be this wrong about something omfg??? She just got angrier and angrier and stopped calling on me after a while.

So for a couple lessons I’m just left to seethe quietly, but one day after class this girl I knew since grade school came up to me and was like “Could you…? Tell me what the hell we’re supposed to be learning?” and I didn’t even like her but I liked the validation of being someone’s Chosen Teacher so I wrote out a summary for her of everything we had covered so far so she could actually write a comprehendible essay for our homework that night.

But THEN the during the class when we got our essays back, she made a HUGE DEAL, like ‘oh Molly, it wasn’t bad enough that you’ve been failing this course material, now you have to drag your friends into it by trying to re-write the play?’ (l m a o). Like this bitch had literally tried to fight me on ‘Paris is the guy Juliet’s father wants her to marry’ and she didn’t even put a grade on my essay where I said the play only ended in tragedy because of how young and naïve the kids were, that if they had taken a breather and thought things through it probably would’ve been fine (it was a damn good essay and I stand by it). But anyway, she’s trying to make me out to my classmate’s as someone who’s trying to sabotage their education for laughs.

This backfired on her.

See, it dawned on people one by one, that she was only teaching the wrong material -> so they wouldn’t know the right material -> so when they eventually would take the exams they would only have her crazy answers -> which the third party graders wouldn’t know about -> everyone fails this course that’s like half the overall grade of the year.

Most students consider that a problem.

So suddenly the class has decided I’m the fucking Shakespeare Whisperer or something, and one by one start begging me for help. At first I was confused, because as I said, it’s so easy for me that I didn’t realize literally the entire class was lost out of their asses here. omfg. So I was really getting hassled here but I didn’t want my entire class to fail you know???? So I started meeting with people during study halls or texting them after school so they knew what was going on. And then they started telling people in this teacher’s other classes, including upperclassmen who were lost as fuck, so this was quickly spiraling out of control on my end, but overall people were really starting to understand the plays better!! So I was feeling really great.

But then, the teacher noticed that none of the homework getting handed in to her matched up with her crazy translations, and knew I was the sole person to blame (naturally). She literally tried to get me suspended over this, she went to the school’s disciplinarian!

Note: This guy, Mr. C, knew I was a God damn angel- my science class was off the charts, inappropriately awful, so every time one of our science teacher’s wanted to give the entire class detention, instead of calling Mr. C up to the class room as was the rule, they’d send me down to get him so he’d know to write up every student except for me. So when my English teacher dragged me in there he was looking her like “What on Earth could this girl have possibly done to piss you off?” 😂😂

And when she explained he looked at her for a very long moment, glanced at me with a signature ‘Office’ Reaction Face™ , turned back to her and was like “You want her suspended…for starting a study group?” and I was CHOKING.

So that really pissed her off and they started fighting and this was a very overworked and Done man so at some point he gave up and was like “I’m not suspending her but fine we can put a ban on the study group if you leave my office” omfg. So all the other students get notified and now they’re back to freaking out about the upcoming exams.

So like two days later, I’m at lunch, complaining about this to one of my friends who had a different English teacher and thus no problem, and I’m on this whole angry rant (Because I’m pissed, a bunch of kid’s grades are gonna get fucked up because of this! They just wanted to do well! I just wanted to help them!) and my friends staring at me quietly the whole time and when I finish I’m like “What?” and she’s just like “…Molly did you literally start up Dumbledore’s Army in our fucking school?” and I died on scene.

But then I started thinking about the comparison and I was like? You know fucking what? If Harry Potter can get those kids to pass their fucking DADA test I can help kids pass their fucking English Exam. Bring it the fuck on, Umbridge.

So I started Spreading The Word that anyone who needs help with their Shakespeare course can still get help, we just all need to meet up once to hash out the details. After some back and forth notes and deliberations, we ended up meeting in the school library, which was hilarious for a few reasons:

1) It was directly across the hall from this teacher’s classroom.

2) It was actually a converted janitors closet, way smaller than all the other classrooms, and there were like 50 people shoved in there; Not exactly an ideal Room of Requirement

3) The library carried no Shakespeare texts, but had the entire Harry Potter series on display to see when you first walked in

But anyway, despite the fact that we were literally three feet away from her door while we were doing this, our teacher was none the wiser of the meeting. We worked out a game plan- everyone writes out bullshit essays that align with what the teacher’s expecting. After she grades those and gives them back, they get them to me- slipping them in my locker, handing it to me discreetly in the halls or in another class, what have you. I then try to power through the dizzying amount of confusion radiating out of the teacher’s mouth and onto these papers, and more or less write out better translation of what was going on in whatever scene they covered, what the highlights they needed to know were, stuff like that, and then slip it back to them in similar discreet fashion (so the teacher/disciplinarian wouldn’t see me and get suspicious ; also because I was like 15 and wanted to feel like a super cool secret agent). They would then keep my copies and use them as study guides for the upcoming exams, where they would then answer all the questions correctly, the way the third party graders would mark correctly, and pass the exams + the bullshit essays would get them high marks in the teacher’s homework grades. The teacher never caught on to what was happening, just thought her students finally started paying attention to her.

All in all, it was a complicated mess, but it fucking worked. I don’t think anyone failed their exams that year. Will I ever be cooler? No. I think I fucking peaked when I was 15.

[terrie]

Last of the March reads (sorry, didn't make the deadline to post yesterday!). Fire by Katherine Neville Before there was Dan Brown, there was Katherine Neville, whose first book, The Eight out-Browned Brown in terms length and breadth of subject matter as well as darn good writing. The Eight is hard to peg. It had elements of historical fiction, fantasy, mystery, thriller, adventure and a heaping dose of esoterica, which ranged from chess, to alchemy, to Arabian formulas etc. It was also darned good fun, switching timelines from present-day (well, 80s) to the French Revolution, The Terror, Czarist Russia, pre- and post-enlightenment Europe, and many other places and historical periods. Its cast of characters include fictional characters as well as historical figures such as Talleyrand, Robespierre, Catherine The Great, the Bonapartes, Ben Franklin and a few other significant figures. The Eight centered on the mysterious Montglane Service, a bejeweled chess set reputedly given to Charlemagne by the Turks and was supposed to hold awesome power. It's been hidden in Montglane Abbey, deep in the French Pyrenees and unearthed during the French Revolution. The abbess feared that the set would fall into the wrong hands so she broke up the set and gave pieces of it to her nuns and novices who were commanded to flee the abbey as it was being sacked and hide the pieces. The story follows Mirreille, one of the novices, as she journeys to Paris to deliver her piece to one of the most powerful men in Paris, Talleyrand. But then, she learns more about the set, which contained a mystical alchemical formula that many people wanted to possess. Anyone who learns about the set, gets roped into The Game, with players trying to capture as many pieces as they can in order to decipher the formula. And that's only the "historical" part of it. What ties it all together is the present-day storyline in which heroine Cat Velis, a financial analyst gets recruited into The Game along with Lily Rad, a female chess grandmaster. The Fire takes place 30 years after the end of The Eight. We learn what happened to old characters and meet new ones. But still, the objective is the same: Get roped into a real-life Game of chess. Between the two, I liked The Eight better (isn't it obvious?). Liked it so much that my copy has become battered over the years from rereading. The Fire is also a pretty great read, but suffers from treading on the same territory as the first book. Still and all, I'm glad there was a second tale, which gives closure to the tale of the mysterious Montglane Service. Evening Class by Maeve Binchy I was handed several books by Maeve Binchy, which for various reasons I couldn't refuse to accept. For this reason, I wasn't really enthused to read the books, especially since the original owner said, they were light reading. Don't get me wrong, I love light reads. But I do require them to be well-written. My first Binchy book, Quentins, I wasn't too impressed with. I liked the premise, but didn't like how it was written so I wasn't too enthusiastic to read this book. Imagine my surprise when I actually enjoyed it! Devoured it in one day, in fact. Evening Class tells the story of a motley cast of characters who attend an evening Class to learn Italian. Each chapter is devoted to a character in the class. We get the backstory, how they ended up in the class and eventually how their lives become interconnected. It's an easy read. The structure actually feels like a TV show and we're it to become one, the scriptwriter and director won't need to change the way the story unfolds.

[swearronchanel]

and my commentary continues: series 6, episode 2 (if this is now a thing idk what to title it)

You asked for it, my first class isn’t until noon tomorrow so I can sleep in & so, I complied Also the SAG awards finished at like 10pm so even after doing my night routine it’s still early haha here it goes …

- Oh shit I forgot color - ah I really like the new intro - Penny’s outfit is so cute - “Walk don’t run” stfu Sister Ursula this isn’t elementary school - “Have you lost your marbles bubsy” haha that’s cute - UGH I WANNA FIGHT THIS NUN - LET JULIENNE ARRANGE THE DAMN FLOWERS - This is when sister Ursula presses sister Monica Joan about the bon bons lol - “Unlike your sisters” guessing u don’t think u count - You’re damn right - Sister MJ sly af 😏 wish she was my grandma - Aw penny it’s ok sweetie all will be well - AlRight so where is St Cuthberts, is it closer than the London? Idk just wondering - I don’t care that much tbh - Damn this man gonna go blind how sad - I like knowing what happens when I’m watching bc I can’t take so much I get anxious - But are we not going to mention Patsy’s wig anymore? It’s still ugly, lucky emerald is beautiful anyway - - Ugh my bbys are still so hurt about the thalidomide 💔💔 - IT WAS NOT EITHER OF YOUR FAULTS - YES IT IS A MIRACLE PATRICK, YOU SHOULD’VE MENTIONED IT LAST WEEK but it’s all good - HE’S TOUCHING HER STOMACH AH - AND THEY KISSED Lmaoo I bet this will break Tumblr - UgH SUCH A SWEET MOMENT TO MELT MY COLD HEART - Jk this show has made me such an emotional mess, like I rarely ever used to cry or anything - But it could also be because of university diminishing my sanity - “We should really start telling people” - YEA PLS GIVE US A CUTE SCENE TELLING EVERYONE @ NONNATUS - - Buttt, I’m gonna guess it’s either going to be implied that they told them off screen or they won’t find out till she starts bleeding mid inspection ?? idk I’m just guessing, don’t come at me lmaoo - Patrick’s smirk “he’ll certainly understand” 😂😂 - SHELAGH’S CRINGING FACE I LOVE IT - YOU KNOW IM HERE FOR ALL CRINGEY EXPRESSIONS - Plus that’s my bby - - PHYLLIS SAW PATS AND DELIA - SHE KNOWS & IM GLAD IT WAS HER TO FIRST FIND OUT - - alright so let me be annoying real quick - From that clip from the casebook Valerie is problematic/lowkey racist & no estoy aquí para eso PERO I like her in the moment? - One, her outfit is cute - & B, she gets along well with my shelagh and seems nice.. I’m not gonna forget her comment though lol, so I’m going to stay neutral for now - - Ok the Marsh baby is born next - Lol sorry I love when sister Winifred is being cringey or funny but this was just kinda boring but I know it’ll get better later in the episode - BUT SERIOUSLY I WANNA KNOW SISTER WINIFRED’S REAL NAME - Idk why that was capitalized I don’t feel that strongly but I’m very curious !¡! - - Shelagh being all cute and cheeky giving those vaccinations - Penny is so sweet - - Alright this is so irrelevant but still, Shelagh is outside.. so Why would she throw up in a napkin in her hand? lol, all that open space 😭😂 idk I really hate throwing up and will not let my self throw up. Not even vlad can make me😷 - SHIT THAT EXPLOSION THO - what were they doing exactly? - like a bitch over here a lil confused :/ - MY LIL SUPERHERO SPRINGING TO ACTION YES BBY - shit George’s blind for good now it’s sad - and arthur’s gonna die damn - - look at disheveled Shelagh so damn pretty but I wonder when she got that cut lol - Lmaoo @ Valerie, so she knows the Nonnatuns - - Damn I’m only 17 mins in why do I talk so much shit to myself - Sister MJ sneaking that bread during sister Ursula’s prayer is me 😂 - I swear though if Sister Ursula tries to get rid of Sister MJ I will fight - My eyes roll every time this woman is on my screen - Phyllis chewing angrily is also me - “Travel visas there have been canceled” shit pats it’s too relevant right now - “I’m trifle deaf these days” PHYLLIS U ARE A GEM - Penny wins best dressed patient - - Patrick worrying is precious - SHELAGH TRYING TO HINT WHILE SMILING IS SO FUNNY BUT WHY - Lmao why are they acting like Tim is not literally right there? - Also this boy is 15 why is he not ever with friends - Of course he knew, he’s always around and isn’t dumb at all. He basically grew up around pregnant ladies tbh - “.. Good I don’t want to know any other details” lmao 😂 - I knew he’d be pleased but I lowkey wanted him not to upset or annoyed so he could have a good little story line - It’s not realistic that this 15 year old is so pleasant with his parents all the time - Like I was an angsty fright @ 15 - lol I’m acting like I’m old, I’m going to be 19 & I’m still like that^ with my parents a lot of the time - - Why do British people call bandaids “plasters”? Hm. I just think of plaster of Paris for like walls or whatever it’s used for - “I’m a slow healer” lol Shelagh is so precious - “If the baby’s a girl I’m moving out” I think it’ll be a boy. Actually Idk forget I said that - Don’t be nervous bby, speak up you got this - “That’s my girl” yes Patrick that’s our girl protect her at all freaking cost 😭 - I’ve gotten so far without saying “fuck” I’m proud - - “This is the dark before the dawn, but there is always a dawn” thanks sister I needed that - “I’ve committed a crime"😭😭 - I love sister MJ - also not gonna lie I cried a little the first time watching this - - Some mothers of color in the community centre makes me happy - Who’s the model though? 😏 - Someone find him & tag me - Ugh here comes sister “I ruin everything” - Honestly when is sister Julienne just gonna come out and say “you gotta go”? - No that’s not the way you do things - fuck yea sister J - “We must simply sit it out and wait for Churchill” - I HOPE THATS TRIXIE - BUT also I really want Sister Julienne to be the one who saves the day - Lol yea Babs your wardrobe should step it up but it’s okay - - Shelagh don’t be nervous you’re gonna kill it - Does sister Ursula even do anything? She doesn’t see patients does she? Nah she just makes everyone angry - Get up outta here - Lol I’m so Brooklyn for that - “Mrs Turner you look nice” - UM YES, MY BBY, her new dresses & coats slay - She finally took a break from the damn cardigans & I love it. Not that there’s anything wrong with cardigans but you catch my drift - Nah for real I wanted a fabulous wardrobe for Shelagh bc times are changing & Laura Main is literally gorgeous so she needs pretty outfits & got it I did - so here for it, now we wait for another pair of trousers. lets get it 1962 - this first dress had such jackie kennedy vibes, love it - - “Consequences be DAMMED” YES PATS - Phyllis and Sister J are proud, I really want one of them to press Sister Ursula - Look @ Delia actually being a nurse! - ah penny 💔 - - Shelagh’s so nervous at first but then is like YOU KNOW WHAT ASSHAT JUDGE - “Where is nurse Mount?” , “where she is needed” YES SISTER JULIENNE - love the blue coat Shelagh - “I’m not ill, I’m just tired and angry” same - Don’t cry bby - “Our best is worthless bc it won’t change anything” ugh crush my heart, especially that little hug. I need to hug them all - lol who invited Tom to the hospital - he’s so handsome though so it’s ok - TELL THEM, STAND UP - “We need to fight” yes ! - I was worried penny’s baby wouldn’t live - C'mon Pats be pc - okay patsy opening up, crushes my heart she’s so closed off but I feel - Here comes the wicked bitch of the east [end] - Whoops can I call a fictitious nun a bitch - YES PATS YES DONT TAKE HER SHIT - Aw patsy, you two will okay, I mean look sister Bernadette came back as Shelagh because of letters so you never know - - Shelagh’s baby blue outfit >> - she needs to go out in public more with her hair down and slay everyone’s life - “Not today.” Yes Delia - “You did it Mrs Turner, you made em listen!” - Yes tf she did. I’m so proud - the set makeup artist did a crazy good job with the burns - “We never really out grow our parents, we just think we do” aw I should call my mum and dad - mm maybe later it’s midnight lmao - DELIA SAID I LOVE U - I FEEL LIKE NO IMPORTANT COUPLE on here HAS SAID “I LOVE YOU” to each other ?? - They almost kissed aw - Fred just break the door damn - Reminds me a little of when Jenny left - Aw the Marsh fam - Phyllis you are gold - Phyllis is still learning Spanish, please give her an opportunity to use it! - the only Spanish speaking mother was conchita, wasn’t that the first episode ever? lets get another one - Anyway, this was so sad. - “The pain it costs to love..” PHYLLIS I LOVE You. You deserve everything good - Aw all the other mothers with penny! - Alright Lets hear it Vanessa - Aw Delia Bonus: preview for next week - my other bby Trixie is back !! - hope she loses her shit when she realizes sister Ursula is ruining everything + patsy/sister mary cynthia are gone - My bby Shelagh looks so pretty!💕 - BUT I KNOW NO ONE IS SHUTTING DOWN ANYTHING - I will not have it - Phyllis spilling the ever so obvious and boiling tea, sister Ursula is UNFIT - Pls let Sister Julienne say something crazy to her before she goes - Why is babs crying?? - ugh of course that’s the most of a preview we get - Nothing bad will happen to my bbys I won’t have it. Protect them at all costs or I’ll spontaneously combust - Jk but I might flip my shit or throw my laptop - But for real for Shelagh to miscarry 3 episodes in would be a waste of a storyline - Plus it is a drama, we’ll be shook for a while, then we’ll cry, we’ll laugh & then Vanessa Redgrave says something profound and we go on with the week - The End 🙃🙃 - If you read this far, you’re a champ - I did this for u all

[buffster]

Lie To Me (BTVS 2.07)

This is part of my ongoing Buffy Project, where I write notes/meta for every episode in an attempt to better understand the characters and themes of the show. You can find the full list here. Gifs are not mine.

You might think the Angelus arc begins after Surprise, but you would be wrong. Take a closer look and you will see the foundation at the very beginning of season two. Some Assembly Required, Inca Mummy Girl, Lie To Me, The Dark Ages, and Ted all have Buffy dealing with villains that are complicated. They have a story. They have reasons. Or they have ties to people with them. As Buffy says later, “It’s always different.” This season is teaching her that there are times when the complications don’t matter. She has a job to do.

Buffy: Nothing’s ever simple anymore. I’m constantly trying to work it out. Who to love or hate. Who to trust. 

Buffy must reconcile many complications in this episode. She learns more about Angel’s past. A group of misguided teens get themselves into trouble that they’re kind of asking for. Her friends lie to her and work with Angel behind her back. And her old friend from school tries to have her killed. With each situation Buffy must decide whether people are deserving of her rescue and forgiveness.

When Buffy sees Drusilla and Angel talking intimately she demands to know who she is. First, in a sort of unfair moment, Angel asks if Buffy loves him. She admits that she does but she doesn’t know if she trusts him. Angel says maybe she “shouldn’t do either”. He tells the story of Drusilla: she was an obsession of his. She was pure, sweet, and chaste. He made her insane by killing everyone she loved and doing other unspeakable things. Then, when she took her vows to become a nun, he turned her. I’m so anxious to write this Angel/Angelus essay ugh SO MANY THOUGHTS. 

Drusilla must seriously hate Buffy. If she was a bit more focused she probably would have spent a lot of energy trying to take her down. Then again, maybe she just saw that it wouldn’t work out in her favor. 

The vampire-worshipping teens Buffy deems worthy of saving. They’re misguided and ignorant but not evil. Angel mentions that he’s seen people like them before and that doesn’t surprise me. This is the first time we see the girl later named Anne. Their hangout has “safe space” vibes. “Anne” is extremely distressed when Angel criticizes her beliefs.

When Angel’s gut tells him not to trust Ford (is he jealous? Yes. But I also think part of Angel’s character is his gut instinct) he goes to Willow. Willow agrees to help him and invites him into her bedroom, an act she’ll come to regret later. But for a few moments they’re actually talking in what seems to be the start of a relationship.

Buffy’s old high school friend Billy Fordham comes to Sunnydale (and they were obviously close; see his knowing she used to like Oreos dunked in apple juice) wishing to be turned into a vampire. To do it he’s willing to make a deal with Spike that will have Buffy killed. At first Buffy is all righteous anger, but when she learns Ford is dying of cancer it throws her. She gives him the opportunity to repent but when he doesn’t she leaves him to die. This one she decides she cannot save.

Ford’s storyline reminded me a bit of Ampata’s. Both characters were meant to show us an example of a teenager dealt a crappy hand and handling it all wrong. Buffy chose to rise above her deal. Ampata and Ford chose themselves. Buffy inspires me as a hero because she chooses to look at people with compassion even though she can’t empathize with their bad choices. She says Billy was just scared and lays flowers at his grave even as she prepares to stake him. Trying to be both Buffy and the hardened Slayer is something she struggles with throughout the series. She can’t ignore her duties but she doesn’t want to be dead inside.

Let’s finish up by talking about Spike and Drusilla this episode. Spike agrees to turn Ford despite hating him, a decision I don’t think he ever planned to go through with. In a very Angelus-like move, he forces Buffy to kill her friend by turning him into a vampire rather than just draining him. 

Buffy: Does it ever get easy?

Giles: You mean life?

Buffy: Yeah, does it get easy?

Giles: What do you want me to say?

Buffy: Lie to me.

Giles: Yes, it’s terribly simple. The good guys are always stalwart and true. The bad guys are easily distinguished by their pointy horns or black hats. And, uh, we always defeat them and save the day. No one ever dies and everyone lives happily ever after.

Buffy: Liar.

Character Notes:

Willow Rosenberg: After she starts talking about sore thumbs not even sticking out, Xander tells Willow she has too many thoughts. I could relate to her there.

Willow/Angel: These two rarely cross paths. It would have been neat to see their relationship in season six had Angel stuck around.

Buffy Summers: Buffy tells Ford that if he’s turned a demon will set up shop in his body but it won’t be him. This distinction is important for Buffy because it makes it easier for her to kill vampires and it convinces her Angel and Angelus are totally separate beings.

Spike: Spike’s badass demeanor is diminished by his clear subservience to Dru. He listens when she instructs him to let Billy live.

Xander Harris: Though Xander doesn’t have feelings for Willow, he still seems upset Angel was in her bedroom. It’s possible he’s just protective and not jealous when he makes all these comments to Buffy.

[pluckyredhead]

Daredevil 101: Born Again, Part 1

And we’re back!

Now I tried, guys. I really tried to condense this down as much as possible. But Born Again is the most famous Daredevil story - and one of the most famous comics - of all time. There’s so much to talk about: the plot itself, the craft, the impact, the character analysis, the religious symbolism. Parts of it really are That Good, while others are...less so (there are plot holes, and it pretty much falls apart at the end).

I had to break it up into two posts, and they’re gonna be long ones, but please stick with me - it’s worth it. (And of course, the comic itself is worth a read, for its landmark status if for nothing else.)

So. When last we left our hero, Nelson and Murdock had gone under and things were tense between Matt and his nearest and dearest - Foggy and Glori at this point, basically. It’s at this point that Frank Miller comes back to the book, teaming up with David Mazzucchelli, who frankly doesn’t get enough credit for the sheer beauty of his work.

We start in Mexico, where we see...Karen Page, who has been AWOL for nearly a decade at this point. When we last saw her, her Hollywood career was taking off, but...things have changed:

Karen is now a junkie, eking out a meager living by making really low rent porn, because in Frank Miller’s world, all women eventually become sex workers. It’s less the sex work that bothers me - though it’s part of a gross pattern for Miller - and more how low Karen’s morals have sunk here, and the abuse she suffers in this storyline. She’ll turn it around, though! (P.S. Deborah Ann Woll’s absolute disdain for this plotline brings me so much joy.)

Back in New York, Matt is blissfully unaware that his life has just been destroyed:

These opening splash pages of the first four issues, all of Matt asleep, are famous and with good reason. If you took out the rest of the comics, they’d still tell a story. Anyway, even though his full bed is oddly narrow, please take note of how sprawled out he is. He’s still twisted in the sheets, but he’s taking up horizontal space as well as vertical.

(Also, this is just gorgeous. Look at that lighting!)

But Matt wakes up to a very bad day:

Those last two panels are, of course, the machinations of Fisk, who is using his knowledge of Matt’s secret identity - and his enormous behind-the-scenes pull - to systematically destroy Matthew Murdock’s finances, credibility, and life.

To add insult to injury, that cassette tape is Glori breaking up with Matt for being flaky and emotionally unavailable, which...legit, honestly.

And the hits keep coming:

Matt’s never really had financial problems as an adult - even when first the Storefront and then Nelson and Murdock were struggling, Foggy insulated him from that by taking on all the bookkeeping responsibility himself. (Whether or not Foggy wanted to do that, or whether either of them ever acknowledge that that’s not fair, is never addressed.) Even though he’s unemployed at the start of this story, you can see how cocky he is about how quickly he’ll bounce back in the first panel of the page above this. Born Again never really delves into the class issues at play here - nor do any Daredevil comics, really - but for someone who has been tremendously well off for his entire adult life but who grew up in poverty, this must be even more of a nightmare.

Meanwhile, Glori’s apartment gets broken into and trashed. Uncomfortable calling Matt, who she just dumped, she calls Foggy instead (remember, he’s an ex-in-law as well as a friend). He rushes over, helps her file the police report, and gives her a place to stay when she’s too freaked out to sleep at home. And, well...

This is a little fast, yes - and it’s a rebound for the recently-divorced Foggy as well as for Glori - but hey, they’re both free agents and she’s not Matt’s property. (Foggy is a perfect gentleman and sleeps on the couch while Glori takes the bedroom, btw.) But as far as I’m concerned, Glori has the right idea: ride the Murdock train as long as it’s fun, then hop off and let Foggy comfort you and ply you with coffee in front of a cozy fire.

Meanwhile, the cruelest blow of all strikes Matt: a cop named Manolis, a former witness in one of Matt’s trials, comes forward and says Matt bribed him to lie on the stand. Matt stands in very real danger of losing his freedom, let along his legal license. Fisk is gleeful:

Please note Fisk fanboying over Foggy in that last panel. Please also note how gorgeous that last panel is. I want to see a whole comic in grayscale from Mazzucchelli (and colorist Christie Scheele).

Foggy manages to get Matt’s sentence reduced to being disbarred and not fined or jailed. And, well, I could’ve probably cut this next page but I’m always gonna include avocado hugs:

Aw. P.S. Foggy why do you look like you’re going to the opera right now.

Devastated, ruined, and barely clinging to sanity, Matt returns home - but here’s where Fisk screws up. He can’t resist that final grandstand play, even though he knows he shouldn’t do it:

He blows up Matt’s house.

Despite having someone to blame, Matt’s sanity is fraying even faster, especially since he’s effectively cash poor and homeless. (SWEETIE. GO STAY WITH FOGGY.) And so we get the opening of issue #2 (yeah, that was all one issue up there!):

Compare this to the first issue splash and you can see how much more twisted and compressed Matt is, how tangled around himself he’s become. (This pose in particular is homaged again and again, especially by Samnee.) When he wakes, his thoughts are equally tangled:

In his rambling, broken thoughts you can see that he’s losing it - struggling to follow the thread of what’s happened to him and what his plan is. I love the way Mazzucchelli draws his arms up like that, held up for a block but also like he’s trying to figure out a way to fit into those compressed, claustrophobic vertical panels.

And then:

This is the very next page, and I honestly gasped aloud the first time I saw it. It’s such a brilliant visual contrast - Matt in tight, twisted red verticals; Fisk in these expansive blue horizontals. Fisk fits perfectly in his panel. He has plenty of breathing room. He owns the whole city. It’s so wonderfully, masterfully done.

Matt pulls it together enough to call Foggy for help, but Glori answers at 7 am - remember, she spent a chaste night at Foggy’s - and Matt, already paranoid to the point of irrationality, snaps further. He starts calling over and over again, veering between threatening them and begging Foggy for help because there’s definitely something wrong with him:

He makes his way outside, vaguely on his way to kill the Kingpin, but goes into another paranoid funk on the subway and attacks a cop. He leaves more pleading messages for Foggy from a pay phone - but without putting any money in, so he’s hallucinating a lengthy conversation with the operator - and finally makes it to Fisk’s.

(Side note: Matt’s “insanity” is never specifically diagnosed as any particular condition and comes on very fast (though believably, in context). Take the depiction of mental illness in this story with a thirty-year-old grain of salt, please.)

Meanwhile, what’s up with Karen? Well, she’s still strung out, and now Fisk’s assassins are trying to kill her, so that he’s the only one alive who knows Matt’s secret. All Karen knows is that she needs to get to New York, where Matt can protect her.

Simultaneously, Matt makes it to Fisk’s:

It doesn’t go well for him. (And yes, Fisk wears a speedo a LOT in the comics.)

Fisk kicks his ass, then has his underlings douse Matt’s unconscious body with whiskey, stick him in a stolen cab, and push it into the river, so that the cops will assume Matt got drunk in the aftermath of his ruined life and drove blindly off the docks.

But.

Now in these panels Fisk’s blues are giving way to red, and though they’re still horizontal, they no longer have the peaceful majesty of the ones above. He’s too big in the second and too small in the third; he doesn’t fit comfortably in his space anymore. His control is crumbling. #VISUALSTORYTELLING

Anyway, Matt survived! He makes it from the East River to Hell’s Kitchen (which is on the Hudson, but whatever), where he is promptly hit by a cab, then passes out in the garbage, because he is Matt Murdock.

In his little garbage nest, he dreams of a mysterious woman who came to him in the hospital, right after he was blinded:

And so we begin issue #3:

IN THE LITERAL GARBAGE. #trashpigeon Curled tighter and tighter because he’s still on his downward spiral. In fact, he is promptly stabbed after this. Because why not, at this point?

Meanwhile, Ben has started to investigate Matt’s disbarment, because he knows Matt wouldn’t bribe a witness. He goes to talk to Officer Manolis, the witness in question, and discovers that Manolis has a sick child and that Fisk is paying for his medical care...conditionally. But the son dies, so Manolis agrees to spill to Ben:

Matt collapses at Fogwell’s.

Meanwhile, that nurse, Lois, is actually one of Fisk’s enforcers:

Ben is effectively silenced for a few terrified issues, and the Manolis lead is dead in the water (and literally).

But salvation is coming! Literally, because Matt is found by a nun who brings him back to her church and nurses him back to health:

This is the start of issue #4. I’ll get into the rest of the issue in the next post, but I wanted to include this with the three splash pages above (and the last page of #3 ends with an equally religious pose, with Maggie holding Matt Pieta-style. Here we see Matt almost-but-not-quite in the crucifixion pose - his arms are down but held awkwardly out, his legs together in a way no one would ever sleep, a wound in his side. He’s even got a Jesus beard.

[EDIT: @lifted-nevermore helpfully pointed out to me that "the pose in the last splash reads a lot more as Jesus rising from his tomb to his disciples after his three days of death. Less crucifixion and more resurrection” which of course is a far more logical interpretation, given the story context. Whoops!]

This is the heaviest religious imagery we’d get in Daredevil until “Guardian Devil” 25 years later, and honestly the show hits that note harder than the comics ever have. But here’s where Catholicism and Matt Murdock become inextricably linked. (Obviously there have been religious themes throughout the story, they didn’t start with this page.)

But who is Maggie, and why did she come looking for him? How does Matt get his life back together? What will happen to Karen, and Ben, and Foggy and Glori? STAY TUNED.

[aion-rsa]

Wynonna Earp Season 4, Episode 6 Review: Holy War Part Two

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This Wynonna Earp review contains spoilers.

Wynonna Earp Season 4, Episode 6

You can love a narrative choice that a show makes without loving what it means for a specific character. If I knew Wynonna Earp in real life, I, like Doc Holliday, would be seriously afraid for her following her choice to shoot Sheriff Holt in the back, after he agreed to try to work towards ending the long-running feud between the Earps and the Clantons. But, as a fan and reviewer of this show, I love this choice that the Wynonna Earp writing team made. It implies a kind of ambition in this series’ Season 4 storytelling that is all-too-rare in genre TV, and I hope this show finds the narrative time to devote to it. Let’s talk about this bittersweet, amazing, accidental midseason finale…

Doc’s storyline last season was one of the weakest part of an otherwise pretty great Season 3. It wasn’t always clear what his motivations were and the TV show never really justified the decision to turn him vamp. While I’m still worry that turning Doc into a creature of the night was one twist too many for a character who already has a history of delicious knots to untie, his arc in Season 4 has been a good one, especially in the last few episodes as he begins to seriously question if his loyalty to Wyatt Earp, most often proven through killing at Wyatt’s side and in his stead, was worth the pain that it has caused himself and others. Actually, he’s not really wondering at this point. He’s coming to the realization that it was not, just as Wynonna is coming to the assumption that shooting first and asking questions later is the only way to ensure the safety of her family.

These are two characters who obviously love one another, but who can never quite get the timing right. To see them head in different directions again, ones that will presumably keep them from being together in any honest, healthy way for the near future, is both heartbreaking and excellent storytelling. This division works because it is led by their characterization, not by an arbitrary plot mechanic. Do I believe that having the Clantons back in town, a family whom Doc chose to kill for Wyatt all those years ago, adding fire to a war that would continue on for more than a century-long war, has Doc rethinking his past choices? Absolutely. Do I also believe that Wynonna, in the wake of finding out that the Clanton family tried to buy her baby, and after years of fighting to keep her family safe, would shoot Sheriff Holt in the back rather than trust that anything would change, after a lifetime of learning the lesson that bloodshed and betrayal is the norm? Of course.

I understand both of their choices, even as a grieve for Wynonna as she takes a step down a path that will surely lead to more pain, for herself and for others (because the two are always inextricably intertwined, even if our culture of toxic individualism would have us believe otherwise). As we see in the final scene, it already has. Wynonna is crying for the rift in her relationship with Doc, sure. She’s crying because Waverly is so happy, and that’s all she wants for her baby sister. She’s crying because she’s tired, because how could she not be? But you better believe that she is also crying for herself. Because she just shot a (human) man in the back, as he was walking away from her. Because she just chose fear over hope. And that’s a very lonely place to be.

This agonizing middle for Wynonna hits extra hard because it is juxtaposed with a #happymiddle for Waverly and Nicole. After months of being separated and weeks (how much time has passed since the time jump?) of Nicole being terrified that Waverly would reject her after finding out what she had done, these two finally got the timing right in a way that Doc and Wynonna are nowhere close to doing. Waverly kills Margo “Mam” Clanton and it will no doubt stay with her in some traumatizing ways, but it was a very different situation. To save Nicole, a good person and the love of Waverly’s life, Waverly has to kill Margo, a woman who more or less murdered her own, teenage son, has no qualms with letting Nicole die, and has made it her life’s purpose to make the Earps and anyone who loves them suffer. To say that killing someone would ever be an easy choice for Waverly Earp would be oversimplifying the situation, but I don’t think for a minute that Waverly regrets her decision. Not in the way Wynonna seems to.

Earlier in this episode, Wynonna tells Rosita that sometimes the hero has to kill, and, in the context of supernatural TV, I don’t think she’s wrong. Too many shows that have violence as part of their narrative formula, from superhero television to other kinds of high-stakes genre storytelling, pretend that death isn’t often a natural consequence of violence. They pretend that a character presented as a hero, someone like Oliver Queen or Bruce Wayne, could have the kind of god-like control that would allow them to enact violence against those who “deserve it,” but always be able to stop short of death, and that this distinction absolves them of all accountability. This is often done as a way to draw a simplistic line between the “good guys” and the “bad guys,” so that stories that use violence don’t have to dive into a more earnest exploration of the hero’s violent methods and the harm they cause to both themself and others in their doling out of “justice.”

Violence is such an accepted, uninterrogated part of so much of American culture, we often accept its unexamined inclusion in so much of our mainstream storytelling as our status quo. (And, while I know this is a different situation, seeing a character shoot another character in the back as they are walking away has a particularly loaded meaning in American culture right now.) I’m eager to see Wynonna Earp walk a different, more difficult yet more rewarding path when it returns, and to dive into a more complex exploration of what it means for a character like Wynonna, ostensibly our hero, to kill someone outside of the justification of self defense. What a bold storytelling choice. What a way to head into our midseason hiatus.

Additional thoughts.

Peacemaker’s back, baby! (Now I feel conflicted about this, though. I missed Peacemaker and I want Wynonna to have a sense of purpose, but I don’t want her to think that killing is all that she’s good for, you know? Maybe Peacemaker could transfigure into something else besides a weapon and reveal Wynonna’s new purpose as a… something.)

Real talk? I don’t think what Nicole did was so bad, especially as she didn’t ever seem actually willing to hand Doc over to the Clantons.

Last episode, Nicole’s situation was all Ron Weasley in Chamber of Secrets. This week, it’s all Olivia in Fringe.

The Ghost!Nicole/frog shenanigans first part of this episode was fun, but didn’t totally work tonally for me. The episode started out by taking Waverly’s distress over Nicole’s (temporary) death seriously, and then tried to transition into a “goofy shenanigans” vibe. It stressed me out that Jeremy and co. didn’t seem to go through the plan in a little more detail before they, you know, drowned Nicole, and felt out of character for this crew. (Nedley was perfect, though. Never change, Randy.)

That being said, Nicole was a straight-up ethereal ghost. And I loved getting to see Waverly be the hero in this episode, though I hope we see some processing of the fact that she killed Margo in coming episodes.

At first, I was worried that Wynonna Earp was going down the “mean girls” path with Rosita. (I never should have doubted you, show.) While the episode plays with the idea that society wants to pit Rosita and Wynonna against each other in a petty “catfight,” the story eventually subverts that trope, having these two complex women band together to take on Mother Medea, a very scary demon nun. I don’t believe that these two would be friends after what Rosita did, but I also don’t think that Rosita is without complexity or that Wynonna’s soft spot for “scorned women” wouldn’t work in Rosita’s favor in this case. I’m glad the show landed somewhere in the complicated middle, as if so often the case in real life and so rarely the case in mainstream storytelling (written by men).

I hope we get to check back in with Rosita and the nuns in future episodes. As much as their current situation is better than their previous deals, I wouldn’t exactly call it a happy ending to be stuck in this nunnery for all time.

I’m not sure if this show knows what to do with Jeremy as a character. He really did ghost Nicole, and I hope the show delves into that a bit more.

“2 Becomes 1” is a highly underrated Spice Girls song. Yes, I am listening to it right now. Yes, I still know all the words. Yes, I am always here for this show’s subtle agenda to celebrate pop music that is loved by teen girls and therefore derided by “mainstream” culture. Yes, Nedley is the best and canonically loves Pretty Little Liars and Spice Girls. Yes, that demonstrates how at home he feels in his various identities. Yes, this kind of representation is important too.

As painful as it is to see Wynonna make her choice, it is so heartwarming to see Doc choose himself and the healthy path in a way we haven’t seen him do before. Especially because it puts him in a better position to support Wynonna moving forward, should she ask for his help. It has been Doc’s instinct to put his relationship with the Earps before his own sense of morality, and that hasn’t helped anyone really.

It seems redundant at this point to talk about how talented this cast is, but special kudos to Melanie Scrofano and Tim Rozon in that final scene, having to balance the sorrow they were feeling for themselves and one another and the joy they were feeling at seeing Nicole and Waverly so happy and at being part of this family.

See you all on the other side of the hiatus, Earpers. It’s sunnier there.

The post Wynonna Earp Season 4, Episode 6 Review: Holy War Part Two appeared first on Den of Geek.

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