#like why do you interpret those names like that lmao

[unproduciblesmackdown]

come get your levitous sidekick / vicious bastard / funny little guys

[changbunnies]

Crave (18+)

♡ Pairing: Romantic Lust Demon!Hyunjin x Plus Size Human Fem!Reader

♡ Genre: supernatural au, demon au, demon/human relationship, age gap relationship typical in fics of this genre, despite the immoral demonic behavior this is intended to be a lot more soft and romantic than the warnings will make it sound lmao

♡ Word Count: 21.9k

♡ Summary: "The more a thing is perfect, the more it feels pleasure and pain." – Dante Alighieri, The Divine Comedy. In which Hyunjin, a demon from the nine circles of hell, finds himself impossibly infatuated with the very human he once set upon himself to destroy.

♡ Warnings: discussions about religion from the perspective of a demon, themes of sexual purity in the context of religion, a lot of immoral behavior and thoughts + ideas from hyunjin (such as snooping, infiltration, and manipulation), references to death / dying, use of supernatural abilities, themes of possesiveness and jealousy, the seven deadly sins are brought up multiple times, hyun is thousands of years old so take that as you will lol, reader's age is not specified but is implied to be at least mid to late 20s, hell's structure is based off dante alighieri's depiction of it in the divine comedy but knowledge of it isn't necessary to enjoy this fic!

♡ Smut Warnings: multiple smut scenes + references to sex outside of smut scenes, masturbation, noncon voyeurism, porn watching, sex with hyun in both his human and demon form, wine drinking (but neither reader or hyunjin gets drunk), pet names (my love, lovely, baby, gendered language such as "good girl"), dom/sub dynamics with switch implications, pleasure dom hyunjin, kink exploration and establishing limits + safe words, traffic light system - reader uses "yellow" once, lots of kissing (per my standard), some nipple play, oral (m + f receiving), fingering (f receiving), biting / marking, choking, dacryphilia, slight overstim, multiple orgasms, improper use of a tail :) take that as you will :), size kink, unprotected piv, creampie

♡ Notes: this is a reupload + edit of an old fic so if you start to read and get deja vu, that's why lol originally, this was a series posted in several parts but for cohesion i'm reuploading it all together in one post! i also fixed up various parts i felt i could've written better, so it should be a better reading experience this time! and if this is ur first time seeing this story, i hope you enjoy it! <3

♡ Disclaimer: please read responsibly, and remember that this work is fiction and meant strictly for imaginative fun. the idols used in fics are more accurately faceclaims and personality outlines for imaginary characters, and should not be interpreted as factual representations of existing people.

There are many things in this world, the world of humans, that even a monster such as Hyunjin was born to desire. A primal want, weaved into the very fabric of his being, designed to be etched into his soul– if he had one, that is.

That is what initially brought him here; the heart of one of the world's most populated cities, his territory an otherwise unoccupied luxury suite in one of the many skyrises that line the bustling streets.

It was an ideal place to be; there wasn't much in the way of furniture, given that it's a new development with no human occupants, but the amenities it held were sleek and pristine. High windows that overlooked the entirety of the city rife with sin from what was nearly the top floor, marble countertops that screamed sophistication and elegance, and well equipped with security of both the physical and digital kind to keep out those who may want to chase the thrill of wandering where they do not belong.

Hyunjin, who could simply float about wherever he wished, had no need for human things like beds or sofas. The fact that it lied barren and empty was no deterrent– in fact, it was better that way.

In this space, he already had everything he needed– an ideal vantage point, isolation from the world until he himself chose to interact with it, and easy access to the myriad of damned soul that walked the streets beneath him. It was perfect, and it was his– until you showed up.

Hyunjin was no stranger to dealing with potential renters overtaking his territory– it was only natural for those with wealth to be ready to spend a fortune on the newest availble luxury apartment that catches their eye.

While Hyunjin had never once been seen; he was certainly known; rumors abound of an evil presence in suite 13, that left even non-believers fleeing in terror, leaving as quickly as they came. "Evil" felt a bit extreme of a description from Hyunjin's perspective, but what would humans truly understand of him? 

He always felt as if his actions were completely justified; after all, why should a being with immense power such as him bend to the will of a measely human whose life was akin to a grain of sand in the desert of immortality that was his own lifespan?

Regardless of his justifications and thoughts on what is evil and what isn't, he welcomed the fear humans have towards him– it made his life easier if they feared him and stayed far from his domain. 

And yet here you were, seemingly ignorant of the fearful reputation this apartment held (not that he expected that the building's landlord would have informed you of it, of course– their only goal is money, at the end of the day.)

Hyunjin didn't care for the rules of humans– whether or not you'd supplied the necessary money to purchase your way here or were deserving of it made no difference to him. It was his until he decided otherwise, and you were trespassing on his territory by being here.

When he'd first arrived back after a long outing back in his home within the second circle of the nine hells, only to see you filling his space with your things, walking about the apartment as if you owned it, blissfully unaware of his presence– it was infuriating. 

He had half a mind to scare you out right then, forever scar you by showing you his true form, send you running as he'd done to countless before you who tried to be here. But no, that wouldn't be enough. It would be letting you off too easily for his liking; this was different than scaring off someone who might intrude on his home– you already had.

What he wanted was more than his territory back– he wanted to make you suffer the most egregious torment one could ever endure for intruding on it, something far worse and much harsher than whatever a demon below his stature could muster.

You deserved worse than that of mild terror, or to be able to flee from his space without repercussions for your transgression. No, he would only take back what was his after he'd turned your mind into a den of paranoia and hysteria. You needed to know true terror, true loss, true suffering, by his hand.

So he settled for observing you– it would be a longer process, one that could easily take months to reach true fruition, but the reward would be well worth his patience. He watched carefully, intently, his presence always concealed but unmistakably there. You would feel it sometimes, unbeknownst to yourself.

A sudden chill up your spine, the subtle feeling of being watched making you turn your head, only to be met with nothing unusual in your line of sight. Funny, how humans were so attuned to the supernatural while simultaneously being so oblivious to their reality.

Your routines became committed to his memory, your every step and every action becoming increasingly familiar to him. Boring at times, but necessary if he wanted to learn the ins and outs of what makes you you, taking in every detail and memorizing them fully, so that when the day comes for him to turn your life into a miserable tragedy, forming you into a shell of who you once were, you'd have to beg him for forgiveness, for his mercy.

What were your fears? He'd easily make them reality. What did you hate? He'd make sure you suffered it. What broke your heart? He'd subject you to that pain over and over, until your heart was left shattered into a million, microscopic pieces.

And it was only then, when you were mentally destroyed, the lowest you could ever possibly be and unrecognizable in your despair, that he'd appear before you, triumphant as he made you apologize for ever having stepped foot in his domain.

But as he observed you, he came to realize something strange- something he had never once found himself thinking about a human before. You were so... good, the closest to perfection a human could ever possibly be. And not perfect by the bullshit puritan standards set by the "heavenly creator," because you were as touched by sin as any human is, but perfect to him specifically.

Your sins were few and far between, with only one making a substantial impact on your purity; but it was the most important, most delicious sin of them all, the one that made Hyunjin's body seethe with delectable desire.

You weren't envious, nor greedy or gluttonous; you lived in a luxurious penthouse suite, that was true, but greed to have the best of everything isn't what brought you here. The pride you felt for your accomplishments didn't go anywhere near sinful levels– you were proud of yourself, but not in such a way that you looked down on others while you sat atop your high horse.

You weren't slothful, brought to your current position by your own hard work and tireless efforts, and you weren't wrathful either, your emotions toward your fellow man always sweet, compassionate, and gracious. That only left one sin– just one that impacted your soul, that barred you from reaching true, godly purity.

Lust.

It wasn't an unhealthy amount of lust by any means, but any at all is enough to damn an unmarried woman's soul if she gives in to the temptation– an unfair ruling that has cost many their rightful place in paradise. And you certainly did give in to your temptation, and that is what made you perfect to him.

You had none of the avarice of other humans, none of the undesirable qualities that made them foolish and arrogant and insufferable to deal with, instead held closely by one desire, the most important desire.

Was it a coincidence, he wondered? That he, a demon born of lust himself, found one such human that seemed to adhere perfectly to what he enjoys most?

Hyunjin often felt himself above that of the sins his brothers were born to pursue. Violence did not suit him, emotions such as greed, pride, and jealousy often went beyond his comprehension. And not because he was some lowly, ignorant creature who was only capable of thinking with his dick, but because those feelings simply never came to him to begin with.

What was there to be jealous of? If he wanted something, he could have it, he could take it, as simple as that. Was he prideful? Sure, one could say he was, say that he has an ego, but he would argue that there was a clear difference between the arrogance that often comes with pride, and simply having confidence in one's own abilities and joy in their accomplishments.

He knew he could feel other emotions, indulge in other sins, if his brothers' conquests and actions were any tell, but he simply.. didn't. Lust was all he knew, was all that he enjoyed, but at the same time, he wasn't some low level demon who was consumed by lust.

No, he could control it quite easily if he wished, was more than capable of waiting for the most ideal moment to finally savor in the addictive dance two bodies can share. (Or more than two bodies, should one prefer that.)

Lust was all he ever knew, but unlike the sex-starved beasts he ruled over and observed in his circle within hell, he was very much in control of himself. Make no mistake, it never went away, he always felt the gnawing craving for more and more and more– but it never addled his mind. That was the perk of being a demon with a higher consciousness than that of say.. an imp. He had complete control of his compulsions and desires. 

It was this control over himself that led to Hyunjin savoring the lust that poured from human souls in only the most ideal conditions. There were many different kinds of lust, each with their own "taste" so to speak, and while Hyunjin found them all enjoyable to at least some degree, there was one in particular that was the most intoxicating to him, one that never failed to light a fire within him, the one that was always, always, worth waiting for.

The lust between two lovers, whose care for eachother was true, and good, and special– such as you would see from couples sleeping together for the first time, full to the brim with nervous excitement. Or maybe from long-time lovers reigniting their spark with a romantic night spent together after a warm, candlelit date.

Especially delectable was the sweet consummation after making an eternal promise under God to be together forever, in sickness and in health, 'til death do you part. Those are just a few examples of the sort of lust that gave Hyunjin the best, sweetest taste.

The irony of being an immoral entity who gained the most enjoyment out of love and romance wasn't lost on him, but his preferences weren't built on some misconceived notion that he could aspire to feel those things himself. Yes, Hyunjin knew he would never feel the human emotion that was love, but he could understand, at least on a superficial level, why it tasted so sweet, and why humans seemed to fight for that feeling above all else.

Perhaps he existed to be a hypocrite, sowing seeds of chaos and turmoil while valuing true love, contradicting that which humans believed they knew about demons of lust such as himself. After all, was it not the very nature of a demon to confuse, contradict, and twist the human condition?

And was it not utterly against his being to indulge in a feeling that was considered sacred by God? It didn't matter either way; if there was one thing that Hyunjin knew for certain, it was that sweet tastes were the best, and it didn't matter where it originated from or how– he just knew he liked it.

And oh, how his proverbial heart jolted when he sensed it on you the first time he saw you touching yourself. It was a surprise when, after a long day of unpacking and arranging furniture, you let your hand travel sinfully between your legs with a heady sigh– and far be it from Hyunjin to deny himself the opportunity to feed on a human's lust when it's practically being delivered to him on a silver platter.

You hadn't been touching yourself for long, barely got your panties down your legs when he tasted it– subtle, but familiar enough to Hyunjin that he could recognize it anywhere. It was hard to explain the sweet taste in human terms– there were really no words that could come close to describing it, as the "flavor" itself didn't exist within human understanding.

Suffice it to say, it was something entirely unique to his kind, and something any demon would be able to distinguish with ease should they be in close enough proximity. It was unmistakable– you loved someone. That was information that could serve him well, something that he should be delighted to know he could ruin you with. And yet, for the first time in all his thousands of years, the feeling of lustful love left a bitter taste on his tongue.

You were in love.. And you envisioned that person while your fingers were buried between your legs, as you bit your lip and made your eyes roll to the back of your skull.

Who was it? Why did you love them? Were they even deserving of someone as perfect as you? Did they deserve to touch you? To feel you? Hyunjin grit his teeth, fists clenching into tight balls as an unfamiliar feeling began to permeate through the entirety of his being.

Is this.. what envy feels like? A rage beyond comprehension at the thought of someone else having you when it should be him?

He should be the one you desired to have touching you, the one you imagined marking your unmarred skin, the one who made you cry out and tremble with even the simplest of touches. Would they even indulge in the sweet taste you radiate like he would? Would they even understand what perfection it is you offer simply by being? 

His, you should be his, only his, his, his.

The realization hit Hyunjin like cold water over hot skin– he wants you. And not just for one night, not superficially, not with needing to part ways afterwards. He wants you to love him, wants the feeling of love-drenched lust that radiates off you to be because of him, wants you to belong to him and him alone.

You don't know him yet, but you will. And he'll make sure you're left wanting him, and only him, by any means necessary. Because it's what he wants, and he always gets what he wants.

Hyunjin wants to say it's simple curiosity that leads him to carefully steal your phone off your nightstand once you've fallen asleep, or that he's acting with the desire to know how to ruin the target of his ire more succinctly, but that simply isn't true.

No, he is scrounging through your phone not with the intent to learn your greatest fears and hates, nor does he scour your messages to discover your darkest secrets. It's a different purpose that has led him here, an unfamiliar ache that drives him to search your phone for something more.

In hindsight, going through your phone to learn about you is a simple, easy act he could've, should've, done already, but he's a bit of a traditionalist in that regard. (Or maybe he just doesn't want to admit how much he's liked watching you these past few weeks.)

Who is that you love? And why? It would've been easier for him to find out had you truly let yourself go, allowed yourself to be loud and moan their name to your heart's content, but you hadn't. And maybe that was a good thing, as hearing someone else's name leave your lips in such a moment would've definitely sent him into a dangerous hate spiral, but that also meant he was left with nothing to go on as a clue.

He was much too stunned, and then seething with anger and jealousy, to read your thoughts in the moment, and if he tried to do so now, while you were sleeping, all he would do is catch a glimpse of your dreams– not helpful in the slightest, unless you happen to be dreaming of the object of your desire. (Which you weren't. He already looked.)

Unlocking your phone is easy, as he's seen you put in your password several times over at this point. Unfortunately for him however, (and fortunate for the one undeserving of Hyunjin's wrath,) he finds nothing that makes the object of your affection explicitly obvious. Your texts with friends all use the same tone, you talk about mundane things like what movies are coming out or how you wish you could go on a vacation for a while.

Your photo gallery is relatively small, filled mostly by screenshots of things you wish to remember or keep for a laugh, and the occasional selfie. There's nothing that screams "this is the person i'm in love with!" no matter where in your phone he looks, and if it wasn't for how intensely he felt the emotion radiating from you as your fingers sped up and release built, he'd think he must have imagined it.

What interesting this he does find, however, are the differen't porn links littered through your incognito tabs, all that paint a very vivid picture of what you find most appealing– or in more vulgar terms, what gets your pussy really fucking wet.

He skims through your collection of favorites and private bookmarks, and quickly comes to realize they all hold a similar theme– love, romance, and doms who are soft even when being rough with the sub's body, or speaking condescending words.

Various videos and audio files, with titles such as "roommate gets railed after confessing her secret feelings," "pov: boy next door accidentally confesses and then fucks you passionately," and "soft dom makes his good girl cum hard: boyfriend asmr." There's even an entire erotic movie, much to Hyunjin's surprise, with a 2 hour run time and dedicated plot in your recent bookmarks.

He decides to watch it, for research purposes of course– what better way to get to know the object of his desire than by watching the porn she consumes for himself? It's rather generic as far as ideas go– childhood best friends confessing their love before going away to college, with sweet, sensual but desperate fucking and a promise they'll be in love no matter the distance put between them. A cliché plot, by human media standards. 

However, he has to give it due props– it's obviously not an amateur production. It's acted well, has better cinematography than one might expect for a film produced by a porn studio, and the dialogue never crosses into cringe, overtly fake territory.

Despite it all, something about it feels real, as if he'd taken a genuine glimpse into the lives of two young people in love, rather than a manufactured video meant to make the people who watch it unbearably horny.

Hyunjin continued through your collection after that, eager to see what other gems lied in your favorites, waiting to be watched by him. They're all the same fundamentally speaking, your preferences and biases easily shining through with each video watched and audio listened to.

Emotionally charged, romantic confessions, sweet "i love you"s, soft, caring doms who take good care of the submissive one, making them feel desired, beautiful, and secure. The person you're in love with, the one who lingers in your mind when you watch these videos and your hand travels between your legs– this is what you want them to do.

You want them to love you passionately, to make you fall apart in the sweetest of ways, to take care of you so well that your thoughts can linger on nothing but the way they make you feel. You want them to sweetly tell you they love you while they fuck you, to speak filthy words in your ears in a soft, saccharine voice as they make you cum. To fuck you dumb, to ruin you, and then expertly put you back together with a tender touch. 

Carefully, he puts your phone back in its place, looking at you once he's done, still sound asleep in your bed and without a clue in the world that there's a demon standing before you, close enough to touch. You've lived with Hyunjin for weeks now, but you don't know who he is, don't know that he's there, don't know that you have unexpectedly become the reason for a demon's strange and new complex emotions. Isn't it funny? How a demon as powerful as him has become infatuated with you despite you not even knowing he exists.

It's illogical to desire you, truly. Humans are fickle, subject to corruption and irrationality, their lives impossibly short. What one man works his entire life to obtain, Hyunjin can have in mere moments with a fraction of the effort.

To a being that has lived thousands of years, the life of a human happens in a mere blink. You grow old, you get sick, you die, your accomplishments fade to nothing, forgotten as the next wave of humans walk the earth in your stead. You're beneath him, he's better than you, and yet..

Why does he still crave you so? Maybe he's no better than the humans he's looked down upon, considering them lesser for their innate hypocrisies and irrational actions– because Hyunjin is about to do just the same.

His feelings for you are hypocritical, irrational, foolish, but also the most real thing he's ever felt. And if it's romance you want, that will make you fall head over heels for him, then he'll be the most romantic demon the nine hells have ever known.

How do you make a human fall in love? A question that is perhaps simple in theory, but Hyunjin hasn't wooed a human in centuries, and much has changed since he last blended in with society.

In the modern age of technology, sin is at the most rampant it's ever been. The common man can access all manner of sin from the palm of his hand with a single device, and it has made the act of integrating into human society an unnecessary practice for demons. 

There's a plethora of human sin to feed from at any given moment, and obsolete is the need for a demon to blend in with the humans that walk the earth, no longer required to be a snake in the community garden just waiting for their moment to strike and consume.

Though an outdated method to obtain their wants, integration with humans can still be done, if only the demon in question wishes to do so– and as Hyunjin has come to realize, he does if he wants to win over the object of his desire. 

Despite how long it's been since Hyunjin walked among them, he wasn't ignorant of modern human culture; he still had to be well-informed if he wanted to be effective and efficient in sowing the seeds of sin in feeble minds, after all– his work in the second circle required such knowledge, and it was also a benefit when it came to deciding which soul he would drink from to sustain himself. 

He knew perfectly well how to use most modern technology, knew how to dress in a manner that was unique to his own tastes but suited the trends of the era. Whatever "pop culture" knowledge he lacked, as it was called by humans, he could blame it on things such as "preferring to stay off social media," or "not watching much tv or playing much games." Most would take it as a fair, reasonable enough excuse, even if the person asking questions of him could not relate to his answer. 

In the last century especially, most of Hyunjin's public outings were limited to a few hours at most, spending that entire time scoping out who'd satiate his cravings the most. Nightclubs in particular were an easy place for Hyunjin to get a quick fix of the lust he needed, sustaining him well enough when his preferred love-drenched lust was still being built to its peak. 

Despite all his experience in human matters, there was something that posed a problem for him initially. Since moving into your lavish suite, you worked from home– a luxury Hyunjin assumes you have from a high ranking position within whatever company you work for (especially if this is the kind of place you can afford to live in on a single salary.)

But if you only ever left the house long enough to run errands, how was he supposed to meet you organically? And further still, how does he meet you in such a way that makes contact with you consistent, that makes you want to talk with him and be in his presence? 

He could, theoretically, stage a meeting, pretend to be a neighbor entering the building at the same time or "accidentally" bump into you while shopping for something he has absolutely no use for, only to then charm you the moment your eyes lock with his.

The problem with that approach is that charming you defeats the purpose of what he wants; for you to have genuine, real love for him, and only him. And asking you out after meeting you just once, in a situation where you have no reason to connect with him further, could be uncomfortable or off-putting in the eyes of women. What woman likes to be hit on by a stranger while she's grocery shopping? 

Hyunjin's human form is attractive, sure, but looks can only carry him so far when it comes to making a woman fall for him. His appearance is useful for one night stands, but he needs to show you more substance than that if he wants you to desire him beyond the physical– and he was sure based on his observations of your character that you weren't vain or superficial enough to fall for him based on looks alone. 

Thankfully, he didn't have to ponder on these questions for much longer, because only a few short days after you finished all your unpacking and decorated your apartment to your liking, you returned to work.

He could tell easily enough what your destination was when your routine suddenly deviated; for the first time since moving in, you had turned on a repeating alarm for 6 a.m, and your choice of business casual clothing and subtle, office appropriate makeup told him all he needed to know. 

Hyunjin followed you there, naturally; presence hidden, lingering in the shadows with the intent to best establish how to infiltrate your work environment. As he suspected, you held a high ranking position inside a corporate office– head of human resources for one of the many subsidiaries of some conglomerate Hyunjin had never heard of, as typically there is no need or reason for him to be well versed in human's business dealings. 

Becoming someone you work with directly would be the best route, he was sure. Whether on equal ground or as someone answering to you on a team, it was the option that gave him the most opportunity to create a connection with you, and maybe be the start of one of those sappy office romances that humans seem to enjoy in their media. 

It was fine if there were no employment openings– it'd be simple for Hyunjin to create one by exerting his influence over a human's mind. He'd pick out whomever you liked the least, someone who bothered you either overtly or simply by being an inefficient worker, and he'd take their place. He could plant the idea of a career change, a desire to move across the country, or simply sabotage their work and get them fired should the gentler, subtle approach be deemed too time consuming for Hyunjin's taste. 

Of course, Hyunjin knew jack fucking shit about how your job truly works or what would be required of him if he was on your team, but that was fine too– it would be easy for him to fake his performance when necessary, and charm any who questioned his work abilities.

He wouldn't enjoy lying to you directly if there was ever a need for it but, well.. The ends justify the means, don't they? And while he wouldn't charm you for love, certainly it wouldn't hurt to do so to make him appear a better worker than what he would be in reality, right? 

No matter what his hypocritical justifications were, he’d do anything necessary to make you his, even if it meant having to lie at times. It was a foreign feeling, having a guilty conscience– after all, lying is as innate to a demon as breathing is to humans.

He supposed his infatuation for you is what makes lying begin to feel different. Is that why truth was considered a godly virtue? It was the first time in his life that just the thought of lying, before it could even be an act done in the first place, felt.. wrong.

Maybe because on some subconscious level he recognized that love woven from lies isn’t true, no matter how much he’d wish it to be. Even if you fell sincerely in love with him, would it still satisfy him to have gotten there based on tricks and lies?

When he determined that the answer to that question was a firm “no,” he vowed he would do his best to keep lies far from his lips when it came to you, even if that made his goal more difficult to achieve. Strange, how this was easily the most human he’d ever felt. 

In a way, it is almost natural to feel this way, to be met with internal conflict for the first time in ages; most demons are born directly from human sin, after all. What is he, if not the physical manifestation of a human who has fallen from perfection?

More powerful than a mere human though he was, his proverbial soul still held an innate inclination towards sin, still struggled with the temptation and decadence inherent to his very being. Hypocrisy and corruption went hand in hand with sin, hand in hand with the very human condition he would oft wrongfully deny he felt.

And that wasn’t the only human emotion that came to him when he watched you at work for the first time. Most of the morning was spent rather uneventfully, Hyunjin’s time dedicated entirely to scoping out the environment and determining where he’d best fit within your corporate world.

He observed the people on your team, who was designated where and what their duties were, keeping track of what feelings and opinions you had for whom, looking out for who he would be able to effectively replace.

Without warning, he sensed it, felt it, tasted it– love, seeping out of your pores, heart suddenly alight and a smile that should be reserved for him lingering on your lips. Jealousy pricked Hyunjin’s skin before he could even fully process the scene before him, a deep fondness in your eyes as a man that Hyunjin could only assume was from another department approached you with a smile of his own.

Shit. It was expected that he would find out who you loved eventually, but he didn’t anticipate that it would be here, in the very environment he was setting up to be the stage for your romance with him.

The man asked you questions and talked in ways you’d expect to hear between friends and coworkers– “how’d the move go?”, “are you settling in well?”, and “you should invite me over sometime!”

It was the last statement that made Hyunjin’s eye twitch with suppressed anger, not much liking the idea of the person you’re in love with being alone with you in your apartment. Every time you giggled at something he said or blushed when the man held your gaze, it nearly made him sick with envy.

Fuck him, he didn’t deserve you, Hyunjin thought, I'm better than him in every conceivable way, that should be me.

This man didn’t love you the way you loved him; Hyunjin could tell, could feel the platonic affection that radiated from him. And instead of being happy about the implication that Hyunjin would have no rival for your affection when he pursued you in earnest, it almost made him more pissed off.

This guy didn’t even know how fucking perfect you were, didn’t seem to notice the way your eyes sparkled with affection, how your heart raced when he hugged you, or the bashful smile that lingered when he invited you to share your lunch hour with him.

He’s a complete fucking idiot for not being head over hells for you– you, who’s only sin is lust, who is beautiful, intelligent, humble, and positively radiant in presence without even realizing just how much value she truly has.

It’s okay, he has to remind himself, it’s a good thing his one-sided rival doesn’t share your sentiment; because when Hyunjin shows you how beautiful you are, treats you with the reverence you deserve, your heart would surely shift to beat for him instead. He’ll make sure of it.

You let out a sigh as you comb through the next resume that found its way to your desk, exhausted from the amount of interviews you've conducted today. This was probably your least favorite aspect of your job if you were being honest; being the head of human resources put you in charge of all recruiting efforts, scanning through countless applications to determine who was the best fit for the company, but you never enjoyed doing it. 

It always makes you feel guilty to determine someone else's worth based on a flimsy piece of paper and interview first impressions, where nerves are almost always at their peak as the person sitting across from you makes their best conscious effort to impress you. It is also not a job you can delegate to someone else on your team, unfortunately; your place at the top of the HR department made all hiring decisions entirely up to your own discretion.

And apart from the guilt of knowing you couldn't hire everyone that walked through your door, it was so tiring to go over the same questions multiple times a day with a myriad of strangers. 

Hwang Hyunjin was the name of the last person you'd be interviewing today (much to your relief) and you hoped he'd be the person to wow you in the end, as you have lukewarm feelings to who you've met thus far.

Despite the impressive credentials on most resumes you reviewed, none of the people you'd met seemed to be a good long term fit for the company; some of them would likely only be good as temps, needing to be let go unless they showed substantial improvement in the areas they were lacking in. 

It was a terrible thing to judge someone based on whether or not they were able to calm their nerves or had enough charisma, but when working for corporate conglomerates you can't afford to be meek. It was okay to be shy and reserved in your personal life, many people in the office were, but for the sake of professionalism you're required to have the ability to put meek tendencies aside.

If the interviewee couldn't speak with confidence, then you had reason to believe they'd crack under the daily pressures of speaking with representatives of other departments or when handling sensitive negotiations. Unfortunately, you don't typically have the luxury of giving applicants the benefit of the doubt or the ability to give them the opportunity to change your first impression of them.

You take a glance at the clock hanging above the door to your office, opposite of your desk; it's just a few short minutes until you meet your last applicant, and you pray he'll be the person you've been looking for. Despite how desperate you are to fill the hole in your team after Mina's extremely abrupt resignation and move out of the country, you still don't want to desperately hire someone just to fill the gap she left- you want someone capable and confident on your team. 

You take one last passing glance at the man's resume, making sure you're familiar with his education and work history, not wanting to be mistaken on any of the details listed. A short succession of knocks are heard on your door a few moments later, and you look up from the resume you're rereading to see Nayeon opening the door just enough for her head to come into view.

"M-Ma'am, H-Hwang Hyunjin, uh- he's here for his interview," she speaks in a timid voice, face flushed the brightest pink you'd ever seen on her. Your brows furrow ever so slightly in wonder and concern at her out of character demeanor; Nayeon is among the most confident and well spoken employees on your team, and you've never known her to stutter or appear so off kilter.

"..Right, send him in," you say after a moment, wondering if her attitude shift is due to the stranger you'd be meeting shortly; if that is the case, you'll have to talk to her about it once the interview is over– you wouldn't want to hire someone the people on your team are uncomfortable around. 

She nods and opens the door further, the silhouette of the taller man coming into view just slightly behind her. "Right in here," she mutters, stepping to the side and motioning for Hyunjin to enter your office. It becomes immediately apparent what the reason for Nayeon's abnormal behavior is; Hwang Hyunjin is easily one of the most beautiful men you've ever seen in your entire life. 

Black hair that just begins to touch his shoulders tucked neatly behind his ears, a few strands left untouched to frame his face, accompanied by wide circle glasses that seem to further enhance his beauty. He's dressed well, his suit modern and sleek but not overly formal for the setting, his accessories tasteful and understated, as they should be in an office environment– just a simple, long chain necklace and small, almost dainty hoops on his pierced ears. 

The reason why a man this gorgeous would even be applying to work here when he could easily make a fortune being a model is beyond you.

You're quick to correct the initial surprise on your face, hoping that the man you'll be interviewing didn't notice how struck by his beauty you were when he stepped in. And how could you even know that he did notice you had a reaction to him– and not because of any overtly obvious expression of attraction, but because he could hear the beating of your heart with his inhuman ears, its steady rhythm taking a sudden, erratic jump the very moment he first stepped through the door. 

Nayeon is quick to close the door behind Hyunjin once he has stepped fully inside your office, leaving you in privacy for what will likely be the most difficult interview you have ever conducted– and not for the reasons you would've otherwise expected.

"Have a seat," you speak clearly, as if your heart wasn't stuttering just mere moments ago, motioning for Hyunjin to take one of the chairs sitting opposite of your desk. "Pleasure to meet you, Hyunjin," you say after he's taken a seat, politely holding out your hand to shake his.

"Likewise, ma'am. I'm grateful to be considered for this position," he responds with a smile so effortlessly charming that you have to once again remind yourself that this is a professional setting and you shouldn't be thinking about how handsome the potential new addition to your team is.

If you were a worse woman with lesser morals, you'd hire him on appearance alone– his flawless skin, plush, soft, almost inviting lips, and the little mole that sits daintily under his left eye are all positively bewitching to look at. 

You collect yourself after a brief mental scolding, deciding to get straight into the most pertinent questions you have once he's settled in his seat, opting to waste no time in getting straight to the point. While this approach does make the interview more tense for the applicant, you find it best to go about it this way to make sure they're truly ready for the sort of discussions that will be expected of them should they get hired.

You don't expect perfection, but more accurately determination– if they can maintain a confident air about them under pressure, that's typically a good indicator to you they'll be a good fit for your team. Equally, you don't mind if they stumble over their words a few times throughout the course of the interview as long as they show the ability to bounce back from any slip ups.

Error is expected at some point, as we are all human– you just want to assess their ability to come back from a mistake when speaking, and to see if they are able to maintain their composure in situations that may not be the most ideal or comfortable. 

The ease at which Hyunjin answers your questions has you convinced that he's perfect. 

He speaks confidently, coming across as self-assured and charismatic, not at all stuttering or faltering when you ask him to speak candidly with his own words. You appreciate a well rehearsed answer of course, but you like to ascertain whether or not the person you're considering for the job is able to maintain confidence when not using an internal script or reciting their memorized resume. 

Some struggle to do so, losing confidence in themselves the moment they are expected to go off the cuff, while others find it to be a trick question of sorts, as if you're baiting them to say a flaw that would place them out of consideration for the position they're applying for.

What you value most on your team is adaptability– it's okay to falter for a brief moment, as long as they are able to collect themselves quickly and continue where they left off. And Hyunjin's ability to do just that is utterly astounding. 

He has an almost effortless sort of confidence and charisma about him; something unique and special that you don't often see, a state of being that isn't learned, but rather is innate to who he is. Even when he briefly pauses or lets out a small "hmm" as he thinks about his answer to your question, it never feels like he's struggling to find his answer– more accurately, it seems that he already knows what his answer is, and is just pondering on the best way to phrase it before speaking. 

It seemed that even his unrehearsed, unfiltered answers were nearly perfect, his ability to speak leaving you almost in awe. Truly, in the year and a half it's been since you were promoted to head of human resources, you'd never conducted an interview where the person you were speaking to seemed this effortlessly natural and comfortable in what is otherwise a tense situation.

Honestly, you'd be a fool not to hire him right on the spot– his ability speaks for itself, and you're confident that any weaknesses he has can be corrected quickly and easily with more experience in the work environment. 

So you congratulate him, smiling as you once again hold out your hand and welcome him as part of your team. And Hyunjin smiles too as he takes your hand in his, knowing that this is just the start of what is his grand plan to make you his.

In the months it’s been since you first hired Hyunjin, he’s come to learn so much more about you than he did just lingering around in your apartment, and with that has come an even deeper appreciation and desire to have you.

Your good nature, which he knew you had from little interactions at shops and cafes, was now able to be fully seen by him– from the way you cared about your team, treated them like equals despite the fact that you were their superior in rank, and how you encouraged and fostered true friendships between everyone on your team. 

You held so much sincere care for everyone around you, and you lead with compassion and kindness at the forefront. If someone was sick, having an off day due to mental health, or simply felt the pressures of life weighing them down, you always met them with compassion. You encouraged them to get better, and never made them feel bad about themselves for any small slip ups that occurred while they were struggling with something. 

Of course, in this line of work it’s vital that they show up always ready to do their utmost best and show others the best versions of themselves, but you weren’t some militant manager that expected people to always be at 100%.

It’s unrealistic, and hypocritical to expect perfection, so instead you always did your best to accommodate them when they were low, and that consideration resulted in your coworkers and employees having a great deal of respect for you; it was easy to see why your team always put in their best effort at work. 

By extension, your care for your team resulted in equal care towards you, and it seemed they greatly missed you when you were absent due to your move. They had fine enough leadership while you were gone, sure, but it wasn’t the same without you– the one who made them feel comfortable, secure, and made them want to perform well at their jobs.

What Hyunjin felt watching you was something akin to pride– and it was strange, as he had never felt pride for someone else before. He hardly ever even felt it for himself.

He just liked seeing you succeed, if he had to guess; he liked knowing the woman he desired was not only beautiful in body but also in soul, just as he suspected her to be when he first came to put aside his anger and truly know her for who she is.

What a happy accident it was, that he happened to be gone when you finalized your move to suite 13; because otherwise how would he ever have known what it was like to care about someone other than himself? To understand what it is that makes a human God’s greatest creation? 

He gets it now, he thinks– why God prioritized humanity, why he loves them despite how flawed and drenched with sin they are. And again, it occurs to Hyunjin how hypocritical he was before, and continues to be even now, how foolish it is for him, the very embodiment of sin, a being who is supposed to uphold depravity and ruin, to be infatuated with you, who is the very image of benevolence.

Hyunjin got to see so many new sides of you, sides that didn’t make themselves known within the 4 walls of your apartment, sides that made him fall for you more and more. A demon can’t experience love the way a human does, but he thinks this is the closest to love a creature like him will ever have.

Obsession, longing, desire.. Isn’t that all a manifestation of love? Perhaps one does not need a true heart and soul to experience what love is; maybe all that one really requires is feeling. 

Most sins are a feeling- lust, pride, envy; all are an emotion you feel strongly within your gut, a natural reaction that cannot be prevented from pricking your skin or making your stomach twist. It’s innate, woven into the DNA of every creature with higher understanding.

With all that in mind, who is to say a demon can’t love? Maybe it won’t be felt in the same way a human feels it, but if love is a feeling, and sins are a feeling, then what truly prevents him from knowing love? 

As equally as he learned about you and himself, he also learned about the man you had developed feelings for– Yunho. According to Nayeon, who was apparently a wealth of information when it came to the subject, you met Yunho in college and have been friends with him since. You grew quite close in your time studying the same major, and as fate would have it, you both ended up working for the same conglomerate after college. 

While you ended up here, promoted to head of the department when the opening became available, Yunho worked for a different subsidiary within the same building; so while you technically worked for different companies, you shared the same CEO, and had ample opportunity to meet and talk during the company lunch hour and maintain the friendship you had in college. 

Well, he imagines you would’ve still been friends with Yunho regardless of where the two of you ended up in life after graduation. But still continuing to see him daily certainly didn’t help you get over the college crush you had on the man.

And you had tried to move on– you’re not stupid, you know Yunho doesn’t feel the same way as you. But your relationships never worked out as you’d hoped, and you’d always be left at relationships end still battling your unrequited love for your best friend. 

Though you are always professional, it was obvious, at least to the other women in the office, that you had deep feelings for Yunho. They could always tell in the way your face changed when he was near, displaying a timid smile that only ever showed up for him, the flush on your face subtle but recognizable to those who knew you well.  

And by extension, it became increasingly obvious to the rest of the office that Hyunjin was down bad for you, and hated seeing you with Yunho. His face too always changed when Yunho arrived, would be positively seething with jealousy, always failing to mask the frown of disapproval when Yunho stepped into your office to talk and invite you out for lunch outside the building. 

And Hyunjin went above and beyond to be a gentleman when it came to you– holding open doors for you when walking somewhere together, carrying stacks upon stacks of heavy paperwork so you wouldn’t have to do it, memorizing the way you liked your coffee so he could get it for you and you could focus instead on your work.

The only time Hyunjin ever wasn’t smiling, it was when you were giving your affection to Yunho. It was painfully obvious how bad he wanted you; if he was trying to keep his feelings a secret, well.. He failed spectacularly to do so at every turn.

Everyone in the office could tell how he felt, and while they would never admit it, most were just waiting for the day he’d ask you out, as it seemed to be more and more inevitable that he would. Some who had been your coworkers since long before you were even promoted, and knew of your unrequited feelings, hoped that Hyunjin could be the person to finally give you the happiness you deserve. 

Even you yourself began to suspect that Hyunjin liked you as more than a friend or coworker, because why else would he go so out of his way for you? Why else would his face change whenever he saw Yunho?

You can still remember the way his smile dropped when Yunho stepped into the room when you were having lunch with your team, how Hyunjin subtly clenched his teeth and tightened his fists, how he’d practically glare at the man before replacing his expression with the most forced smile you’d ever seen him have for the sake of professionalism. 

Were you being delusional? To say Hyunjin is fucking gorgeous is an understatement– he’s practically ethereal. And while you wanted to move on from your stupid school girl crush on Yunho that continued to grip you all these years later, wasn’t it too much to fantasize about Hyunjin being the person to finally make you happy?

He could have anyone, and you couldn’t understand why he’d want you of all people when he could easily bag someone more impressive than you. You did well for yourself, but you didn’t consider yourself particularly desirable..

Maybe years of unrequited love and failed relationships made your confidence tank more than you realized; at least when it came to love and romance.

And while there were other couples in the office, you worried it’d be unprofessional of you to date someone who you are technically the boss of.. Shouldn’t you be more concerned about the power dynamic instead of worrying about whether or not you were desirable enough for Hyunjin to want you? 

God, you really needed to get your priorities straight before you did something stupid; and certainly you were just reading too far into things. But still, while your feelings for Yunho didn’t go away, you still couldn’t deny that your heart would race whenever Hyunjin smiled at you, couldn’t ignore how goosebumps would erupt on your skin when his hand lingered on yours as he handed you a perfectly made cup of coffee, couldn’t help but linger on the the thought of what a perfect lover he must be.

As if sensing you were thinking of him, you hear a knock on your door, breaking you out of your thoughts and met with the sight of Hyunjin cracking open the door. “May I?” he asks, and you smile politely with a nod, motioning for him to enter your office.

“Hey Hyunjin, what’s up? Need something?” you ask and he shakes his head, sitting on the chair in front of you.

“Nothing work related, though I do want to ask you something,” he replies, and immediately your mind wanders to delusional territory again, though you quickly try to shut it down. 

“What is it?” you ask, trying your best not to fill your brain with the thought of Hyunjin making a move on you. Be professional for God’s sake.

“I was wondering,” he starts, looking at you with that charming smile that is so natural to him, and that you always have to stop yourself from folding over at the sight of, “If you don’t have any prior obligations today, would you like to have lunch with me?” 

Oh no. He’s adding fuel to your delusional fire. “Just us?” you ask, trying to mask your hope, or the way your heart is picking up speed. You really want to be chill about the invite, but you really can’t help but hope the invitation means something more. He’s perfect, how could you not? You’re only human, after all. Isn’t it natural to want someone this fucking beautiful to want you? 

“Yes, just us. You don’t have to consider it a date, but.. I would be happy if you did,” he smiles, head tilting to the side in an almost playful display, and your heart jolts.

He’s not just playing with you, right? He wouldn’t, would he? But you have to ask, “You make it sound as if you want me to consider it a date. Are you saying you like me?” 

“That’s exactly what I’m saying, ma’am,” he replies without hesitation, confidence fully on display. It’s as if the possibility of you saying “no” has never crossed his mind. You’d probably be confident too if you looked anything like him; you don’t imagine he’s been rejected often.

And well, you certainly won’t be the person to hit him with his first rejection either; you’ll have to ask a third party to handle the necessary paperwork if things go well between you and Hyunjin, as the head of the department can’t approve and oversee her own consensual relationship agreement, but it’ll be worth it, you think. 

After all, if someone this beautiful and seemingly perfect wants you, why deny yourself the opportunity? Even if it doesn’t work out, maybe he’ll be the person to finally help you get over your stupid crush on your best friend that’s been going nowhere for years.

Apart from his beauty, he’s always been chivalrous and attentive towards you, a true gentleman in every sense of the word. And even if it's only for a brief time, you think he can make you feel happy, desired, truly cared for.

You’re about to tell him you’d love to, when your door unexpectedly clicks open, your eyes moving past Hyunjin to see Yunho standing in the doorway. Hyunjin immediately scowls, having half a mind to rip him apart once the day is over, though he does his best to temper his aggravation.

He can’t let himself lose face in front of the one he loves after all; he’s not sure you’d still be up for a date with him if he displayed his jealous, possessive tendencies this early on (not that he did a very good job of hiding them to begin with.)

“Shit, sorry- am I interrupting a meeting?” Yunho asks, and Hyunjin rolls his eyes, turning his gaze back to you instead.

“No, nothing like that,” you answer, shifting your gaze back to Hyunjin, who for the first time looks concerned that you’ll turn him down. It’s subtle, but his eyes are softer, nearly pleading, though he tries his best to not display the desperation that lies underneath- the desperation for you to affirm that you like him too, that you want to go on a date with him, that you want to give him a chance. 

“Oh, good,” Yunho sighs in relief; he knows that sometimes your work bleeds over into the lunch hour, and he'd have hated to interrupt something important. He glances at Hyunjin next, a slight frown forming on his face.

He’s never spoken to the guy, but Yunho would have to be blind to not notice that Hyunjin hates him for seemingly no reason. “Well, uh– I’ll let you get back to whatever talk you’re having. I’ll see you for lunch when it's over?” Yunho asks, and you can see Hyunjin swallow, hands tensing as he waits for your reply. 

Please don’t reject me, his body practically screams, and you almost can’t believe that the confident Hyunjin you know is looking this nervous over potential rejection because of you. 

“Thanks, but I’m actually having lunch with Hyunjin today. Maybe next time?” you answer, smiling at Hyunjin to reassure him that yes, you are going on a date. No, you won’t be picking Yunho over him, despite the history that lies there.  

Relief instantly spreads through Hyunjin, and he returns your smile, his confidence returning in a blink, as if it’d never left in the first place.

“Oh,” Yunho blinks in surprise; that’s.. unexpected. You’ve never prioritized someone else over him before. Huh. He feels.. strange. Jealous..? No, that can’t be right. Why would he be jealous? Hyunjin stands, offering his hand to you, which you accept before you stand yourself. 

“Are you ready, ma’am? I know this cafe you’ll just love, but we have to hurry if we wan’t to make it back before the hour is over,” Hyunjin smiles, turning away to face the door, and subsequently, an almost bewildered looking Yunho.

You miss the way Hyunjin shoots your best friend a smug, almost triumphant smirk; a smirk that says I’ve won, she’s mine. And even as Yunho watches the pair of you walk towards the elevator, hears you tell Hyunjin he can call you by your name when it’s “just the two of us,” suddenly he feels incredibly stupid. 

Even as he’s left standing there, watching the elevator doors close with just the two of you inside, he can feel his gut twist as Hyunjin shoots him one last smirk, one that affirms something Yunho is just now realizing– there was a reason Hyunjin hated him. All this time, Yunho was a rival for love, and he just lost the race without ever having actually participated. 

He scoffs, laughing at himself in near disbelief. What an idiot he’s been, and what a moment to realize it. He knew you had a crush on him, but what did he expect? That you’ll always be there, just waiting for the day he’d finally miraculously return your feelings after all these years?

Of course you’d move on eventually; and maybe Yunho didn’t want to admit he found your infatuation with him to be a comfortable ego boost, now hit with the epiphany that his newfound jealousy over the loss of your affection is ugly and twisted. 

And truly, Hyunjin had him beat. Somehow, he knew that this was the end of your feelings for him. How ironic it is to lose due to his own complacency, his expectation that you’d always be there no matter what relationships you found yourselves in.

How arrogant and selfish he’d been, assured that no matter whom he slept with or pursued, you’d be there just waiting for the day he’d finally ask you out. But now Hyunjin has you, and he’s certain he’ll never let you go.

Dating Hwang Hyunjin is like a fairytale you thought only existed in the imaginations of young girls that had not yet experienced the disappointment of reality. You imagined he'd be a perfect lover, but you truly hadn't anticipated just how accurate your interpretation of him would end up being. 

He took you on more dates than you could count on your fingers– to museums and exhibits, to restaurants you'd never find on your own with delicious menus. He took you on picnics with the scenic views of the city, of nature, or the setting sun, staying until stars hung in the sky and your only illumination was the vibrant moon shining on just the two of you.

You learned that he was a reader of classic literature, with an impressive knowledge of romantic poetry and novellas, often able to recite the most beautiful lines you'd ever heard straight from his own memory. When he took you to museums, you learned more from Hyunjin himself than the tour guide, and truly it seemed like he was an encyclopedia for all things creative, classic, and romantic in nature.

He was multilingual, which you knew from his resume, but to actually hear him recite something in latin with ease was something else entirely. It was if it came naturally to him, like it wasn't technically a dead language, and you almost couldn't believe it was just an extra class he took in college for fun.

He endlessly impressed you– with his beauty, his intelligence, his attentiveness, his.. everything, really. And he never let you feel inferior to him, always assured you how happy he was that you were his girlfriend beyond just taking you out on dates throughout the city.

He bought you many, many gifts– clothes that always fit you perfectly, that not only suited your tastes but that he thought you'd look beautiful in. Sweet treats, often your favorites but other times just slightly outside your usual comfort zone– just enough to get you to try something new to fall in love with the taste of. 

Stuffed teddy bears or other cute animals meant to remind you of him, jewelry that was sometimes dainty and meant to be office appropriate (in which he'd have the brightest smile seeing you come into work wearing it) and other times lavish, extravagant pieces that somehow were always stunning without being tacky or garish.

If he brought you a necklace or bracelet before a date, he'd help you put it on, smiling when it fit you perfectly and complimented your skin tone, always touching you softly and showering you with compliments.

And while acts of service were clearly a huge love language of his, it wasn't like Hyunjin just showered you with gifts and fun dates and expected that to be enough (which would be valid if it was enough for some people, but you want more than that! You value emotional connection!) He always made time for you outside of the office or promised dates, coming to your apartment anytime you asked just to spend time with you. 

He always listened to you so attentively, genuinely interested in things you liked, and listened to your input when it came to what to do for you next date. He listened to your thoughts and ideas, let you vent if you were having a hard day, hugged you sweetly if you needed reassurance or were feeling stressed.

He'd spend hours on the couch with you watching movies if that's what you wanted to do that day, and he always paid undivided attention to you or what you were doing together, never pulling out his phone or mentally checking out even once. 

Everyday with Hyunjin feels like it's Valentine's Day– and honestly you can't even imagine what he'll do when an actual romantic holiday or your anniversary rolls around when he's already so perfect to you. Even months into your relationship he still holds open doors for you, still carries anything that seems even the slightest bit heavy, still dotes on you as if he still has to prove he's a gentleman (when you clearly already know he is.) 

You honestly can't express enough how perfect Hyunjin is, and how much you appreciate the relationship you now have, but.. well, if you're being honest there is one problem. Nothing major, of course, just.. You think you're going to explode if he doesn't fuck you soon, or at least touch you somewhere less than polite.

The first time he kissed you was at the end of your third date; you were certain things were going well, felt those infamous sparks other people talk about- like every cell in your body was gunpowder and it had just been ignited. You became addicted to kissing him after that, always seeking out his plush, soft and perfect lips, even if it was just for a quick peck to satiate you until later. 

You made out for the first time just under a month ago, and that spark turned into a full on blaze, hot and raging and dangerously close to burning out of control. You wanted him so bad, more than you ever imagined you'd want someone; it was almost sad to say your past relationships and attractions paled in comparison to how Hyunjin ignited your deeply hidden passionate side. 

Still, Hyunjin hadn't touched you intimately yet, and while you suspected it's because he's a gentleman waiting for the right sign or explicit, worded permission, you were going crazy inside. You don't know if you even have it in you to make the first move, truthfully; you feel almost.. intimidated?

Whenever you think about it, your mind always travels to how effortlessly beautiful he is, and despite how much he shows you that he wants you as his girlfriend, you are admittedly still struggling with thoughts of your own desirability.

It almost makes you feel ashamed despite how natural a feeling it is. You know you should be confident, but it's not something that just comes to you just because you know objectively you're worthy; knowing it and feeling it are different things entirely.

You wish you could just pull it together with a snap of your fingers; like c'mon Y/N, you're a beautiful woman who holds an impressive leadership position, who graduated with high honors and has more than enough to show for it! Why wouldn't Hyunjin want you? You're a catch! 

You sigh, setting down the knife you were using to cut the veggies for tonight's dinner with Hyunjin, closing your eyes to collect yourself for a moment. Isn't it a bit pathetic for you to be reduced to insecurity over past rejections and unrequited love when what you have now is such a fairytale?

You wish it'd just go away, so you can tell Hyunjin to fuck you until you're dumb and have no thoughts left in your head but his cock filling you up, but- 

You jump slightly when you feel Hyunjin's arms wrap around you from behind, and he chuckles a bit, apologizing for startling you; you were so wrapped up in your thoughts you didn't even notice him rise from the sofa when he heard you sigh and put down the knife.

"What's bothering you, my love?" he asks, his chest pressing firmly against your back as he kisses the top of your head, "You seem so tense tonight.. Is dinner giving you a hard time?" 

Your heart always picks up when he uses that affectionate term for you; you're not sure if your relationship could already be classified as "love" when you've only been together a few months, but you love the way it sounds falling from his lips all the same. "No, it's not that.." you frown a bit, not melting into his embrace the way you usually do. 

"Feeling stressed out again?" he inquired next, his hands moving up to your shoulders to feel for any tension and massage it away if it exists. You hum in confirmation, finally melting against his body when his hands rub soothing circles in your tender skin, just deep enough to relieve some of the built up tension without leaving you sore and achy.

"Stressed, and.." you pause a moment, biting your lip as you consider if you'll really continue and admit what it is you really need.

"And?" Hyunjin's voice comes out in a soft question, clearly wanting to know what it is you want to say but with no intention to force it out of you.

"S-Stressed, and.. frustrated." you finally acquiesce after a short-lived internal fight with your nerves. You're not even entirely sure he'll get the implication behind you saying it in the way you did, if he'll recognize your need for a physical touch beyond what you've felt with him so far but you hope he does, because you're not sure you're capable of just coming straight out and saying "please fuck me before I lose my mind." 

Hyunjin is the next one to hum, his tone relaying understanding. Goosebumps erupt on your skin when he leans his head down to kiss your shoulder and neck, his hands traveling from your shoulder to rub down your arms.

"Why don't I finish dinner, hmm? Have you relax in the bath while I take care of everything," his voice is soft, almost a whisper, his hands finding your waist and rubbing carefully over the area before moving down to your hips.

"It'll be finished by the time you're done, we'll have a little wine," he continues, his lips now touching the shell of your ear, his voice reaching you directly, "And after that.. I'll take care of you. In any way you want me to."

A kiss pressed to your skin, a shiver running down your spine as you suck in a breath– he definitely got the message. His right hand reaches up to your face, fingers finding their place on your left cheek, guiding you to twist your face to meet his gaze from behind you.

He leans down to kiss you like this, one hand holding your face where he wants it and the other squeezing the meat of your hip. Hyunjin holds the kiss for several seconds, making sure it lingers and tingles on your skin when he pulls away, already expertly planting the seeds of desire and anticipation within your gut.

"How's that sound, lovely?" he asks and you blink for a moment, your brain already feeling like it's going to melt out of your ears from how eager and desperate for more intimacy you are. 

You nod, almost dumbly, and he smiles, planting a quick peck to your forehead before he helps you prepare for a bath. He runs the water hot, wanting warmth to linger for as long as you'll need it to once you're settled and used to the temperature.

While he takes care of the bath, you spend your time picking out what you'll wear afterwards. You swallow as you rummage through your drawers, possibilities seemingly endless. 

You've never been in a situation like this– a situation where you knew with absolute certainty that you'd be getting your pussy wet by the end. Your sexual encounters were never preplanned, not even with your past boyfriends.

It was always spur of the moment, especially since you were too college-then-career focused to spend time on dating apps looking for hookups. Honestly, it was kind of exhilarating; and suddenly you felt like you understood what the appeal of knowing you were going to get laid by the end of the night was. 

And Hyunjin, well.. he promised himself he wouldn't fuck you until he was sure without a shadow of a doubt that you were head over heels in love with him and only him, because it was that kind of first time with you he was seeking.

But that didn't mean he couldn't have fun with you in the meantime, did it? And how could he say no when he could literally fucking taste the desperation on you? He'd be a good boyfriend to you, and give you whatever he could within his limits, because you're his perfect girl, and he'll always spoil you in any way he can. 

After the tub is full, Hyunjin leaves the bathroom, smiling at you when he sees you standing in the hallway patiently, towel and a change of clothes in hand.

"Take your time, lovely," he pecks your head again as he passes by, ready to tackle finishing dinner while you soak in the tub. You texted him instructions just in case before you left your bedroom with your clothes and towel, so you're confident that it'll turn out well without your guidance– and besides, Hyunjin cooks well anyways; you're sure it'd turn out delicious even if he didn't follow your instructions. 

Your soak in the tub is spent entirely on thoughts of Hyunjin's hands and lips on your body, wondering what he'll do and how. You wonder how much of the heat on your body is from the water, and how much is from your own mental images of him between your legs.

Thankfully, the water actually does manage to loosen up your tense muscles (despite your anticipation doing you no favors), and you do just as Hyunjin instructed; you take your time. Dinner won't be done any faster just because you hurry, after all, so why not soak and destress and indulge in your little fantasies?

You dry off thoroughly when you step out of the tub, pulling on your prettiest pair of white panties and a silky slip nightgown- a cream color with lace accents on the hems. You brought a cardigan too, just for warmth while you eat dinner, though you don't bother to button it up at all the way, leaving the upper most buttons undone so Hyunjin can have a clear view of your chest while you share dinner.

It's a bit bold of you to purposely display your cleavage, but what's the harm in enticing him further? You know he wants you as his partner, but seeming him want you physically too would be everything.

The nightgown is tight enough to hug your curves, which means it also clearly displays your stomach, but.. Well, Hyunjin isn't blind, you're certain he knows that the woman he's dating has a chubbier physique than other women in the office.

But he wanted you out of all of them, and he's spent so much time calling you beautiful and giving you the world, that you imagine he either likes bigger girls, or at the very least doesn't let weight dictate someone's appeal. So, you're not self conscious in the slightest– at least, not about that.

You still have nerves, but you think that's natural when you're dating, and plan to have sex with, someone attractive enough to have people falling at his feet for a chance to be with him. 

When you step out of the bathroom and into the kitchen, Hyunjin is just finishing plating the food and is pouring the wine into two glasses he pulled out from your cabinets, already familiar with where you typically keep them.

"Feeling better?" he asks with a soft smile when he notices your presence, and you don't miss the way his eyes drop to your chest, a glint of something flashing in his eyes before he looks back to your face– desire for your body, you hope.

You sit across from each other at your dinner table, having the quietest dinner the two of you have ever shared– though the tension being built is far from uncomfortable. His eyes linger right where you wanted them to, tempting him, teasing him, and you're buzzing with anticipation, almost giddy whenever his eyes meet your again as he sips from his wine. 

Your face is dusted pink all the way to your ears, but you'd blame it on the wine if he asked (though you suspect he'd know better than to believe that.) Hyunjin downs the last of his wine in one gulp when he's finished eating, and you do the same, wiping your mouth carefully with a napkin before you look at him again. He's standing now, gathering the dishes from the table and bringing them to the kitchen. 

You follow, intending to help him wash and put them away, but he tuts at you. "Baby, you're supposed to be relaxing and letting me do the work! Go get comfortable and wait for me, hmm?" He instructs and you can't help but smile, doing as he instructs after you thank him, quickly making the trip to your bedroom. 

However, the nerves hit you again once you're in your room, and you sit on the edge of your bed, fiddling with your hands as you think about what you should do next. Just lay down and get comfortable as you would if you were going to bed? Should you present yourself to him? Get into some enticing position he won't be able to resist? Stay right where you are now and let him lead you wherever he wants you?

You've never experienced so much build up before– you almost feel like the inexperienced girl you were in college again. God, you don't know what to do with yourself and you're definitely overthinking it– but you can't help it! Hyunjin is just so.. well, he's Hyunjin. And that alone is enough to send your nerves into overdrive as your mind races with the possibilities of what's to come. 

You hear him chuckle softly when he's in the doorway, looking at you who is very clearly shy, twiddling your thumbs as you wait for him. It took everything in Hyunjin to not say "fuck this" over dinner and just take you on the table, the lust pouring off you enough to make him lose control if he was a lesser demon.

And now, he can hear the thumping of your heart louder than ever, can smell the arousal pooling in your underwear even more clearly than he could over your meal. 

"Silly girl," he says with a near grin as he steps fully inside your room, meeting you right where you are at the edge of the bed, "Why didn't you get comfortable? Sweet thing, you're nervous, aren't you?"

He carefully nudges your legs so he can stand between them, and you swallow as you nod and look up at him, not sure how much more of the anticipation you can handle before you snap and just drag him to you in a fervor. 

One of his hands comes to your cheek again, rubbing gentle, soothing circles with his thumb as he leans down to kiss you. He does it slowly, the combination of his soft lips and the taste of wine that still lingers on them making your stomach flip. It doesn't take long for him to introduce his tongue, in the same manner he always does– rubbing over your lips before pushing past them.

You're always left panting, lips stained red by the time he pulls away, and tonight his kisses leave you especially dizzy with need. "Take care of those buttons," he instructs in a near plea as his fingers ghost over your neck in their downward descent, "or I might just pop them off when I pull this off you." Your breath hitches, though you're not sure if it's more from the words or the feeling of his fingers lingering on your neck. 

Hyunjin seems to notice that you like his fingers there, the way he notices everything when it comes to you, and he has to stop himself from smirking as he asks you about it. "My love- do you like being choked?"

You almost groan in embarrassment, not expecting him to have already noticed and asked about it. How are you so fucking transparent to him already? "I-I mean.. I'm curious. I've never done it, because.."

Well, it's probably best you don't get into an ex-boyfriend talk right when you finally have the possibility of Hyunjin fucking you into next week right in the palm of your hands.

"Uhm– it just never happened. But it looks nice. Really nice. I, uh– I think I'd like it," you say; certainly true, but without going into detail about how you always seemed to struggled to trust your boyfriends enough to release control and let them do it.

It's natural that giving control to someone else is hard for you; you've always been very independent, and your career puts you in a position where you are leading others, always in control of everything. But you like the idea of giving control to someone else in the bedroom, letting them take the lead and decide on how you'll receive the pleasure you crave– the real problem lied with finding someone you trust enough to truly let go with.

You think you can trust Hyunjin– he's been so, so perfect since the day you met him. You firmly believe he sees you for who you are beyond your physical attributes, that he values you beyond the superficial, and that he'd never hurt you (unless you asked him to, of course.)

Hyunjin naturally feels all this, can read every emotion that pours off of you– and the fact that you have trust that he'll treat you right positively elates him, knowing he’s one step closer to the love he craves so badly. 

"We can try, see if you like it," he says, soft and careful, "and it doesn't have to be now. We can always wait until later." His fingers now rub over your neck purposefully, never wrapping around but simply familiarizing your skin with the feeling of them there.

"Either way, we won't start with that. We need to build up to it first, don't you agree?" he asks and you hum with a nod- building up to it certainly sounds better than jumping straight into unfamiliar territory.

Carefully, and slowly, he lowers himself to his knees, still between your legs, now making it so he's the one looking up at you. "Even if we try it and you decide you don't like it, I'm so happy you trust me," he says before he kisses you once more, all his passion and affection behind the soft touch of his lips. "Do you already know what to do if you don't like it?"

You nod again, having become well familiarized with different safe words and systems you can put in place in your research on the topic when you first found out you might be into the rougher side of intimacy. Hyunjin tuts his time, displeased by the fact that you nodded instead of verbally answering him. "I need you to tell me what you know."

He already knows how much you know of course; his look through your phone painted him a vivid picture of your sexual intrests– but you need to say it to him regardless. And despite the tone he used, his eyes are still soft, and you can tell he genuinely cares about your safety and comfort, aiding more in the trust you feel.

"Sorry, I– I know what to do. Uh, traffic lights..?" you suggest, preferring that over coming up with a random safeword that you may not even remember if the time comes to use it. Hyunjin smiles again, whispering a soft "that's good" to you before he kisses you again, making sure all your nerves melt away now that the key elements are established. This is supposed to be fun and enjoyable above all else– nothing else matters but that. 

"Now, be a good girl and take care of those buttons like I asked you to, lovely," Hyunjin instructs in a gentle tone after he pulls away from your lips. With another shiver, you quickly do as you're told, fumbling with the buttons just slightly in your rush to get them all undone. You probably should've been more graceful about it- purposeful, maybe even sexy, but honestly you were acting before even fully considering how you'd appear. 

With the buttons undone, Hyunjin pulls the cardigan down your shoulders, and you pull your arms out of the sleeves. You pay no attention to where it gets discarded, Hyunjin's lips back on your much too distracting to care about something so trivial.

"Gonna take care of you now," he whispers against your lips, his fingers coming to bottom of your nightgown, where the hem squeezes against your parted thighs, "use your words if I do something you don't like."

You tell him you will, and he smiles again, rewarding you with one last sweet kiss to your lips before his lips trail your neck instead, his hands pushing your nightgown up your thighs until your panties are completely exposed.

One thing Hyunjin is confident of from his time looking over your porn history, it's that you love biting– and while he's unsure if it's just a fantasy you have that has remained unfilled in reality, similar to choking, he's decided it's the first step he's going to take in gently finding your limit and what boundaries you want to set between fantasy and reality.

Carefully, after his kisses to your skin have become familiar, he presses his teeth to the sensitive skin, and you gasp before he even has the chance to actually bite down. To Hyunjin's absolute delight, you tilt your head to the side to expose more of your neck to him, giving him all the permission he needs to sink his teeth into your soft, unmarred skin. You let out an involuntary squeak at first, the unfamiliar sensation sending a pool of heat to your gut– the act always seemed so hot, and now you knew for sure you loved it. 

It wasn't just the physical feeling of it you loved though– you loved the idea of your lover's marks remaining on your skin for days, leaving behind evidence that someone touched your body and brought you bliss. And while you'd certainly cover the marks with makeup for work, the knowledge that you and Hyunjin would share, that they are there just below the surface your concealer has created, would be exhilarating.

His hands leave your thighs, finding the straps of your nightgown and pulling them down, until your breasts are exposed for him to see. Pulling away from your neck, he admires you– the way your skin blooms with fresh bruises and impressions of his teeth, your nipples hard and begging to be played with, and your pretty white panties stained with arousal. You can see the lust in his eyes as he looks you over, and it makes you bite your lip in anticipation for what he'll do next. 

"I've told you so many times you're beautiful, haven't I?" he asks as he takes your heavy breasts into his hands, though you can tell it's rhetorical– he's not expecting a real response from you. Instead, he continues to speak as his hands squeeze and thumbs rub over your nipples. "But I haven't told you how fucking sexy you are yet, isn't that right? You're so alluring, it drives me crazy sometimes. Did you know that?" 

You can't help but let out a soft whine as you shake your head, completely clueless to the fact that you ever made him as crazy with need as he made you. You hoped you did plenty of times, but you really didn't know until now just how much he was holding back from having his hands all over you. His hands move to your hips next, fingers slipping into the band of your panties. 

You lift your hips from the bed, letting Hyunjin pull the soaked fabric down your thighs and then your legs, tossing them quickly aside. You hold the bed for additional support as he spreads your thighs further apart, sucking in a nervous breath when he looks directly at your dripping heat.

The fact that he's on his knees for you is already enough to have your heart feeling like it's going to beat out of your chest, but when he starts planting sensual, open-mouthed kisses to your thighs, mixed with carefully placed bites, you're done for.

Your thighs twitch with each kiss, jolt with each bite, your nails digging into your bed sheets before he's even at where you want him most. And God, when he finally kisses your pussy, you feel so worked up that you could cum just from that simple stimulation alone. When his tongue meets you it feels like heaven, your head falling back and an almost embarrassingly loud moan tumbling from your lips. 

Hyunjin starts licking you up slowly, almost teasingly, and you can't even complain; because even though you still want more, it's already so good. It's when he's done with his teasing and really gets going that you're left truly breathless– he pulls you closer to his face, to the point your ass is practically hanging off the bed, but he throws your legs over his shoulders, using his hands to hold you in place, right where he wants you against his mouth. 

Your whole body is trembling from the pleasure, and this position makes it so that your hips can't move unless he lets them. Even as you unconsciously twist and jolt from the pleasure, you're always firmly in place, unable to escape his tongue even if you wanted to. You cum almost embarrassingly fast like this, barely able to warn Hyunjin you're close before you're crying out in absolute bliss, eyes rolling to the back of your head. 

You expect Hyunjin to set you down as you catch your breath, but that's the exact opposite of what happens; against all your expectations, he keeps going, his tongue sliding over and around your sensitive clit, drawing out your orgasm until the pleasure mixes with tingles of painful overstimulation. You stutter out a curse, loud whines and begs leaving you in a nearly unintelligible jumble– though you're not entirely sure if you're begging for him to stop or keep going.

His hands carefully move from your hips to squeeze the meat of your ass as he continues holding you where he wants you, tears pricking the corners of your eyes from the unrelenting onslaught of pleasure. You're certain you're going to receive a noise complaint from your neighbors, unable to control your volume as another, more intense orgasm rocks your body. The tears lingering in the corners of your eyes fall as you cum once again, and you can hear and feel Hyunjin groaning against you, evidently taking just as much pleasure in this as you are. 

He's careful as he moves your trembling legs off his shoulders, helping you to fully rest your weight back on the bed. When he stands, he helps you get your head to the pillows before he's laying next to you, your sensitive body jolting once again when this time his fingers rub between your slick folds.

"How're you feeling, my love?" he asks, wanting to make sure he's not overwhelming you too much. You're definitely overwhelmed, but in the best way possible, and you stutter out a shaky "green," to which Hyunjin smiles.

"What a good, perfect girl you are," he praises you, pressing lingering kisses to tear-streaked cheeks, "My sweet thing, you're all for me, aren't you? A good girl just for me?"

You nod quickly, brain fuzzy with the desire to be anything he wants you to be. "'m a good girl, all for you Hyun, only you."

You have no idea how much those words affect him– and you're sure if your brain wasn't so foggy from the pleasure, you'd have noticed how he had to clench his teeth and take a breath to stop himself from pulling his cock out and fucking you into the mattress right that moment.

Patience, restraint, it's not the right time, he has to desperately remind himself.

Even as his fingers slide inside your heat and hug him tightly, he has to make a conscious effort not to lose himself in the thought of what you'd feel like hugging his cock instead. In all his years of lust, he's never been this close to losing control of himself; but fuck, he's never wanted someone as bad as he wants you, and you're so slick and warm and tight, it takes all he has to ignore the desperate throbbing of his cock. 

Hyunjin finds your spot within seconds, and your eyes are rolling back, fists once again straining and tugging against the sheets. He adds a third finger when you seem ready for it, pumping at a steady pace before he's curling his fingers into your spot again. He's at your neck again now, his teeth making contact with your skin just as they had before while his fingers continue their motion between your legs. 

When he bites this time, it feels different– rather than the dull pain and ache his teeth brought before, this feels more.. sharp? You let out a loud gasp as the sudden sharp feeling buries further into your neck, as if Hyunjin is a vampire digging his fangs into your skin.

Did he actually have fangs this whole time and you didn't notice..? No, that seems impossible- and honestly you feel too fucking good right now to even put much more thought into it. You're sure it just feels that way because now that he knows you're comfortable with the sting, he doesn't need to show anymore restraint when biting. He's simply putting more force into his bite now- that's all that makes sense.

He speeds up his fingers as his teeth sink further into your skin, his thumb firm on your clit, and it's enough to send you over the edge for a third time, your back arching off the bed as you let out a string of expletives and moans. 

Fuck. When Hyunjin pulls away, he knows he fucked up, quickly retracting his fangs before you can notice them; two holes now distinctly left in your skin. Unlike the hickies, that's not something you can simply hide with makeup, and when you look at yourself in the mirror tomorrow you'll definitely have questions about how the fuck he managed to do that with dull, human teeth. 

But when you look at him, absolutely blissed out and eyes hazy with pleasure, he decides that it's a problem for future Hyunjin; you're both already in the moment, and why ruin it now? He's still not quite done with you, after all; he's supposed to be relieving your stress like a good boyfriend. And what better way to relieve all your stress and tension than to make you cum again and again, until your body is as weak as jelly?

"Can you handle one more, lovely?" he asks, rubbing your cheek with his unoccupied hand. You lean into his touch, a soft smile on your face as you eagerly nod, ready to take all he wants to give you.

He returns the smile, planting a lingering kiss on your swollen, self-bitten lips, praising you once more. His hand trails down to your neck, fingers lingering on the surface while his other hand resumes its motion between your legs.

"Tell me how you feel, baby," Hyunjin instructs softly, and you look at him with glassy eyes, stuttering out your answer.

"Y-Yellow. Feels g-good, but 'm nervous," you say honestly and he coos and comforts you, assuring you he won't squeeze unless you want him too; for now, he'll just hold his hand in place, let you familiarize yourself with the pressure before you decide if you want anymore than that. 

Soon enough your eyes are rolling back once more, your pussy clenching around his fingers as he drives you close to orgasm just as expertly as he did each time before, letting yourself go completely as you become familiar and comfortable with his hand on your neck. You're babbling almost incoherently about how good it feels, but there's one thing in your string of words that he hears loud and clear, and that's "more."

"Want me to squeeze, lovely?" he asks, wanting to make 100% sure that he's not mistaken, and you nod quickly, repeating the word "squeeze" with a soft, pleading voice, followed by a string of "please, please, please."

You don't have to beg for a single thing when it comes to Hyunjin, but fuck, does he love hearing it more than he's ever loved anything. And so he does as you ask, gently of course, since it's your first time experiencing it.

Your body immediately reacts, gushing and clenching hard around his fingers as your mouth hangs open in a silent wail of pleasure, your last orgasm of the night hitting you like a semi-truck. Hyunjin slides his fingers out of you, planting soft kisses to your heated, sweat laden skin as you come down from the high.

He steps away just for a moment to bring you some water, helping you sit up enough to drink it before you fall back against the bed, body limp, utterly spent and exhausted.

"Hyun.. what about you..?" you ask in a sleepy voice, and Hyunjin chuckles softly, patting the top of your head after he wipes the sweat from your brows. "I'm good, baby, this was all for you. Feeling better now?"

You hum with a soft smile, curling into him and closing your heavy eyes. Hyunjin does his best to fix your nightgown and clean you up, once again chuckling when you start to softly snore after he manages to get you under the blankets.

As a demon, he doesn't need to sleep, but he lies next to you anyways, wrapping his arms around you and smiling as you snore into his chest. 

There's an anxiety that lingers in the back of his mind, the reality that come tomorrow you're going to see an abnormal mark on your neck and how he'll have to face what that means for your budding relationship.

Does he tell the truth? Would you even accept him if you knew? Humans hate and fear demons, and demons in turn aren't fond of humans, often the cause of a great multitude of their suffering.

Loving you was against everything he understood about himself, and in turn, loving him would be against what you understood about yourself. Hyunjin closes his eyes, and for the first time in centuries, he forces himself to take the sleep he doesn't need- because if this is where his relationship with you goes up in flames, then he wants the last good moment with you to be spent as human as he can possibly make it.

Unsurprisingly, Hyunjin is first to awake despite having fallen asleep after you. Even without the exhausting pleasure gauntlet he subjected your body to, he would’ve woken first regardless; as a being who doesn’t require sleep, he doesn’t stay in that state for nearly as long as a human does.

And even then it’s not a “true” sleep; it’s more like a meditative state, that surely did help give his mind and body rest, but was wholly unnecessary when it came to his ability to function. 

Given that he’s already forced the state once tonight, it’d be almost impossible to do so again as it’s simply not in his biology to do so. And despite himself, he still wants to linger; so he closes his eyes again, and though sleep does not return to him, he stays that way– holding you close, listening to your deep, slow breaths, his fingers lazily and softly tracing over your skin. 

The meditative state he’d been in for the last few, entirely too short hours did thankfully offer some much needed clarity to his racing mind. Hyunjin, grappling with the fact that he lost control of himself, carelessly (or maybe instinctively, unconsciously), bared his fangs to sink into your skin and mark you like a werewolf would his mate left him both ashamed and frightened for what would come next. 

It’s far from Hyunjin’s proudest moment, and never before has he had to grapple with the possibility of losing something important to him. There’s part of him that still doesn’t even fully understand why you’re important to him.

He’s a demon for fuck’s sake– demons don’t fall in love with humans, they manipulate humans to fall in love with them. They destroy human’s lives for fun, they take and ruin and feed until their prey is left with nothing, and then they move on to the next person. 

And Hyunjin knew he was different from a standard demon, not just in physiology and intelligence but also in the way he approached life, but it still baffled him to realize just how different he truly was.

He did the exact opposite of what other demons in the same position as him would have done; he could have charmed you for an easy fuck where you think you’re in love with despite the fact that he would've been a stranger, and it would’ve, ideally, been enough to satiate his need to have you. 

He could’ve avoided spendings months getting to know you, he could’ve manipulated you to suit his whims from the moment he formally met you instead of spending all his time to foster a real connection. He could’ve lied through his teeth at every moment, and while he certainly did lie, it was only ever necessary lies; he never, not even once, lied about something he felt or thought.

Every glimpse into his personality, ideals, likes and dislikes were all genuine. He could’ve just given you thoughtless answers that he thought you’d want to hear, never injecting his real self into the dynamic, but he didn't.

For reasons he couldn’t understand, he wanted you to love him– he thought at first it was simply because of his preferences whilst feeding, but now he knows it's more than that.

For reasons he can't understand, he wants you to love him, and not for some idealized man he crafted to meet your every need and preference. He wants you to love him for who he actually is as a person.

But.. he isn’t really a person; not in the way you are. Still, he followed that notion, and at every moment he was genuine; every look, every touch, every date and every gift– they were sincere admissions of a love he truly felt and wanted you to share, his proverbial heart being worn on his sleeve. 

It reached a point where lying to you ate away at him, but he didn’t know what else he was supposed to do. In what reality did it make sense for him to confess that he’s a demon and for you to be okay with it?

And his mistake has forced him to confront that difficult truth much sooner than he had hoped to, has given root to the fear of rejection, loss, and unrequited love– human emotions he never expected to feel, that he thought he was incapable of feeling in the first place.

All he can do is pray that when he tells you the truth about who he is, you don’t turn away and rebuke him. And how ironic it is for him to pray for something– to want something so badly that all he can do is plead to the higher power he’s supposed to be against to grant him this selfish wish he doesn’t want to let go of.

Hyunjin has come to understand in his time with you that the relationship between humans and demons is more complex and codependent on his end than he would’ve initially given credence to. Maybe all it took to spark that epiphany was meeting the right person. 

And how foolish he is, to devote so much time and love to a being whose existence will only equate to a mere fraction of his own, who is fragile and weak and without lasting power.

Maybe if he’s lucky, when you are met with mortality your soul will find him in his domain in the second circle, where your sins will go unjudged and unpunished for as long as Hyunjin remains at the top, where your eternity of “atonement” can be spent with him, where he’ll regard you as a queen of equal standing. 

Dark fades to light with the rising of the sun, and still he keeps his eyes closed, as if preventing them from opening would also prevent the reality that is fast approaching from coming to pass.

Eventually, when the sun is high in the sky and brightly illuminating your room through your open blinds, he feels you stir, cautiously opening his eyes to the sight of you trying to blink away the sleepy fatigue that still maintains a grip on your senses. 

You offer him a soft, lazy smile as you wake further, clinging closer to him with a tight squeeze of your arms around his torso. How naturally you smile at him and hug him is both a soothing balm and cruel crutch that he knows will break the heart he isn’t even supposed to have when it is gone.

Thankfully, in your sleep-addled state you don’t recognize the looming dread that hangs over him, and he’s able to quickly shove it down to return your smile and plant a soft kiss to your face, reminding himself to enjoy his time with you while he still has it.

Pushing your hair out of your face as you wake up more, Hyunjin catches a glimpse at your neck, the speckled bruises and fading indents of his teeth becoming entirely visible. Well, all marks of his teeth were fading except for one– the two holes left behind from his fangs, the shameful evidence that he lost control of himself in a way he never had before.

Broken skin doesn’t mend in just a single night’s sleep, and he knew the moment you touched your neck or looked in the mirror you would know they were there and you would look at the mark, at him, with either fear, confusion, or disgust as you try to comprehend how his bite would cause such a thing.

“How’d you sleep, lovely?” Hyunjin decides to ask so his mind doesn’t dwell and linger on your neck.

“Good,” is all you say with a small, bashful smile, pink crawling over your features as you recall all Hyunjin did to and for you. Honestly, you can’t remember the last time you slept so deeply, and you don’t think you’ll ever forget that feeling of ultimate bliss as your eyes grew heavy and mind drifted off comfortably. 

“You make me so happy,” you follow up, tilting your head up to capture his lips in a soft, good morning kiss. “Want to make you happy too,” you whisper against his lips before kissing them again, and his heart squeezes almost painfully in his chest because he feels it– lust, passion, desire, love.

What starts as a small prick to his senses builds to an all encompassing tsunami the more you kiss him and entangle your limbs with his. Love, love, I love you, your soul radiates.

It’s all he’s ever wanted, all this time it’s what he’s been working towards and hoping for, and it shoots almost painful electricity throughout his every nerve ending. Overwhelming, consuming, too radiant and bright and pure to belong to a man such as him, who isn’t really a “man” at all, but an entity entirely undeserving of your grace. Selfish, desperate, shameful– he holds you as if he is none of those things, as if he doesn’t taint you just by loving you. 

You push Hyunjin so he’s flat on his back, rolling yourself on top of him, your hair tickling his skin as it falls over his face when you kiss him. His grip on your hips is tight, almost painfully so, but you welcome it.

He’s so fucking hungry for you, he craves you so, so bad, and you meet that hunger enthusiastically, your hands ghosting over his chest and down his stomach, making quick work of the shirt he slept in. 

You suppose taking the lead comes naturally to you once shyness and subtle insecurity is dealt with, but you’d easily concede control to Hyunjin again should he have the desire to once again make you pliant beneath him.

Your hips roll down onto his hardening cock, and the groan that escapes him makes your stomach flutter with countless butterflies. He nips at your bottom lip with his teeth, sometimes tugging before soothing the bites with soft licks of his tongue.

The rest of your clothes come off in a blur– your nightgown practically ripped off of you by Hyunjin while you fumble with the tied knot of his sweatpants, both of you panting into each other’s mouths, every noise being muffled and swallowed.

Wrong, this is wrong, selfish, you’re wicked, deplorable, the back of Hyunjin’s mind screams at him in stark contrast to the way he desperately paws at you, lust and hunger casting a fog over his rationality. 

But when he opens his eyes as you pull back for a breath, his eyes instinctively travel back to your neck, the mark he left on your skin expounding upon his building guilt. He has to tell you now- before the guilt eats away at him entirely, before he loses control of himself again, before he does something else he’ll regret.

An almost guttural pained noise leaves his throat when you roll yourself down on him again, fingers digging into the swell of your hips, his now bare cock becoming slick with your essence. 

“Shit, fuck– wait, baby wait–” Hyunjin breathes out, the most ragged and strained you’ve ever heard his voice. He can feel your passion and desire become background to concern and doubt, can feel your anxiety spiking as you cease your movements.

Fuck, he feels so bad– but you have to know he’s not what you think he is, he won’t forgive himself if he doesn’t tell you now. “Listen, I–” Hyunjin starts, then swallows, and your eyes swim with care as you see him struggle, “I– your neck, its..” 

“Hyun, I wanted you to do it, don’t worry about that,” you tell him sweetly and softly, one of your hands grabbing his and rubbing soothing circles on it with your thumb.

His heart squeezes painfully once again, and he shakes his head, “That’s not it, I– ..just feel it, or look at it, or..” You furrow your brows in confusion but do as he asks of you, trailing your fingers carefully over all the spots you knew he bit and sucked your skin.

You don’t feel much, at first– just a tender skin where you assume bruises have formed, some extremely faint indents of teeth, but as you get closer to the junction where your neck meets your shoulder, you feel it and your entire body freezes.

What.. is that..? You scramble to grab your phone from the nightstand, turning on the camera and flipping its view to see yourself, blinking as you try to process what you’re seeing reflected in the viewfinder. 

What the fuck? Slowly, in disbelief as your mind lags and struggles to compute with the reality of what you’ve seen, you lower your arm and let your phone fall from your hand. Are you dreaming?

You feel like you’ve been transported to one of those YA vampire romances you read in college for fun– but that’s impossible, isn’t it? Things like that aren’t real, are they? There’s no way you’ve been dating a supernatural being for months.

Your next thought is that this is an ill-timed prank, though you can rationally tell it isn’t. And Hyunjin’s hand that is still in yours.. You can feel it tremble with uncertainty and apprehension, his eyes relaying a deep seated fear of rejection and.. Guilt? Guilt for what? Do you even want to know the answer to that question? You assume it’s related to whatever this is, whatever he is, but.. what is that, exactly? 

Hesitantly, you ask him, wondering if this is really your teen fantasy Twilight moment– stark naked, sitting on the dick of a man who might not actually be “a man” at all. “You may not believe me if I tell you, but I can show you,” he says quietly whilst cautiously squeezing your hand.

“O-Okay.. sure,” you breathe out nervously, squeezing his hand back in support. Maybe this is a mistake, but seeing the utter anxiety he’s struggling with, you can’t help but empathize. 

If the roles were reversed, and you were an otherworldly being in a relationship with a human, would you be able to tell them? Wouldn’t you be scared of losing them if they knew the truth? And maybe you shouldn’t forgive him easily, regardless of what the truth ends up being, but you think you can understand what would drive him to keep such a deep secret.

You’re still fucking scared of whatever it is, if you’re being honest, but you don’t want to believe that the Hyunjin you know is anything but the sweet, perfect, gentle boyfriend you’ve known him as thus far. 

All you do is blink and instantly the Hyunjin before you is different, as if a veil that was covering your eyes has been lifted to reveal his truest self. His facial features and hair are the same, recognizably Hyunjin through and through, but his skin has changed from a natural, honeyed tone to a deep, scarlet red hue. His eyes, in turn, are no longer a dark, boba-like brown, but instead an unnatural crimson.

Long, pointed ears like an elf you’d see in a fantasy game or movie, horns the same color as his skin protruding from the top of his head, curving gently until they point straight up. You can just barely see the points of his fangs between his parted lips, can see bat-like wings struggling to fit beneath him on the bed, as well a long, slender tail with an upside down heart as its tip.

And his body, which was already warm, now feels almost impossibly hot, as if he has a dangerous fever coursing through him, with his nails now more like claws in their length and pointed edge.  

He’s.. still so beautiful..? You weren’t sure what kind of change you were expecting, and you still don’t entirely understand what he is, but he’s undeniably just as gorgeous now as when he was presenting himself as human. His form is reminiscent of the beauty found in the work of Gustave Doré, whose art Hyunjin had once praised and talked at length about; ethereal, otherworldly, mesmerizing–

Wait. Something clicks– the rumors of your apartment being haunted by a demonic entity before you moved in that you disregarded and didn’t believe in. The times you’d wake up from sleep and notice something had been moved, always slightly off from how you’d left it. 

The presence you’d sometimes feel despite being alone, the sensation of being watched that sometimes lingered, but always seemed to go away when Hyunjin was at your apartment. His extensive knowledge of art and history that felt as if he lived through the era rather than just having read about it, his fluency in latin that goes beyond mere college study..

You’re in love with a demon. And you suspect that he’s known you for longer than you’ve known him.

“I’m sorry, I never wanted to lie to you,” Hyunjin breathes nervously after he sees understanding flash in your eyes as you put the pieces of his identity together. “I just, I.. became so utterly, impossibly infatuated by you. But I couldn’t just.. show myself, even if I wanted to. And I– I wanted you to know me, because I love you more than I ever thought was possible for someone like me.”

It’s hard to say whether or not you’ve been manipulated and misled to trust him, but you do, even if you shouldn’t. You’ll have to hope that God will forgive you for the sacrilege you’re about to commit.

Squeezing his hand in a display of acceptance, leaning down to kiss him once more in a promise of love regardless of the truth you’ve been shown, dedication to an act entirely unholy.

But if Hyunjin is what will be waiting for you in hell when you die, maybe damning your soul there isn’t so bad.

You feel him positively melt with relief, soft apologies from him and acceptances from you rolling off the tongue. “Promise me this is the only lie, promise this is the only secret, and I’ll forgive you,” you breathe and he affirms without hesitation, enduring promises of true love and honesty pouring from his lips.

“We can even make it a pact if you want,” he says after a string of promises, and you shake your head with a slight smile. 

If what you’re led to believe from media is true, if Hyunjin made a pact with you in which his end of the deal is to never lie to you, he’d suffer grave consequences for breaking it. “I’m choosing to trust you without that, so don’t break it, okay?”

Hyunjin nods with a smile before you’re kissing once more, his arms wrapping around you and hugging you tight to his impossibly hot skin. 

When your tongue enters his mouth, you curiously explore the point and feel of his fangs, and when he nips at your lips, the sharp point very nearly draws blood with each bite, the subtle pain utterly intoxicating. It’s not long before your lips end up swollen and bitten red, your tongues continuing to swirl and move together, your hands fervent in their exploration and demand to feel. 

Soon enough, he’s flipping your positions, your back now against the mattress with Hyunjin pushing himself between your legs, his mouth trailing gently over the marks he left the previous night. He sucks over the skin once more, deepening the bruises he’s already left behind, brightening them in color. It aches, and yet you tilt your head to the side to make his task easier, feeling him smile against your skin as his fangs poke at your sensitive skin.

He doesn’t bite down, not like he did last night– he doesn’t want to hurt you too much. Instead, his teeth scrape and taunt, the feeling of them enough to have you whining even without the bite. When he pulls away to look at you, your eyes are already pleasantly glazing over in a lustful haze, and seeing his fangs when he smiles confidently down at you makes you dizzy. He’s so fucking beautiful, sexy- it’s going to drive you crazy one of these days.

You jump slightly in surprise when you feel his tail slinking up your leg, wrapping around and hugging your thigh. And it’s when you look down to see how his tail looks wrapped around you that you finally catch a glimpse of his impossibly hard and leaking cock, so unlike anything you’ve ever seen before.

It’s big– much bigger than you imagine a human could ever compare, and just as deep and supernaturally red as the rest of him. You’re practically drooling at the sight, at the thought of having it in your mouth– would he taste the same as a human, or would his essence be entirely unique?

Hyunjin has to hesitate from smirking when he sees you blatantly staring and curiously, hungrily licking your lips, the increased lust from seeing his cock spilling from you in droves. “You want a taste, lovely?” he asks with a charismatic, almost mischievous tilt of the head, his grin growing when you nod eagerly.

“C’mon then, love, ‘s all yours,” he says while uncurling his tail from around your thigh, standing up and letting you come meet him at the edge of the bed. You tentatively reach out to touch his cock, and fuck, it’s so heavy in your hands.

Your hands look so small wrapped around him, your fingers unable to wrap entirely around his girth, and while usually both your hands are enough to cover the entire length of a cock up to its tip, Hyunjin still has much more than just the tip poking through. 

Long, thick, big, you’re not sure how it’ll fit in your mouth, much less your pussy– but you’re not a quitter. You start with kisses that turn into kitten licks as you rub up and down his length with both hands, looking up at Hyunjin through your lashes, eager for a reaction, for praise.

He brings a hand to the back of your head, waiting for you to open your mouth for him. He carefully guides and urges you to take more and more of him in, until the tip is touching the back of your throat. It takes everything in you not to gag and choke, your eyes brimming with tears as you breathe through your nose.

“That’s it, what a good girl, taking so much of me,” Hyunjin pets your head as he praises you, and he can see you pressing your thighs together, squirming and desperate to hear more. You want to take all of him in your mouth, but you recognize that’s an impossibility- so you settle for pumping what you can’t fit in your mouth with your hands, doing your best to match the pace of your hands with the bobbing of your head. 

Hyunjin’s soft, breathy moans fuel you, his fingers tangling in your hair as he begins to take control of the rhythm. You let out a squeak of surprise when you feel his tail snake between your legs, gasping when you feel the tip of his tail teasing your clit.

“‘s good? You like that?” Hyunjin asks when you moan around his cock, another smirk gracing his beautiful, perfect face when you quickly nod. 

The combination of his cock down your throat and his tail rubbing your clit makes you dizzy, the pace of your hands faltering as your thighs twitch and tremble. Eventually, your hands drop to your lap, your nails digging into your palms as you let him play with your clit and use your mouth, tears falling as he holds your head while rolling his hips and making you take as much as you can handle. 

Determined now to make you cum while his cock is deep in your throat, he moves one of his hands to your chest, tweaking and pulling at one of your nipples, earning a muffled whine as your eyes squeeze shut.

Your hands, no longer curled into desperate fists, now cling to his thighs, your nails digging into his skin as you cry and whimper. Hyunjin is relentless on all fronts– from the pace he fucks your mouth, to the flicking of his tail against your clit, to the way he pinches and tugs on your nipples. 

“Gonna cum just like this, aren’t you, lovely? Go ahead baby, let go and show me how good you feel.” With Hyunjin’s permission, and a few more quick flicks of his tail against your clit, you’re cumming with a loud, but muffled cry, your nails failing to break the skin of his thighs despite how harsh you claw at him.

You suck in a deep breath when he pulls out of your mouth, your chest heaving as you come down from your high and air returns to your lungs. Hyunjin showers you in more praise as he wipes the tears away from your eyes with his thumbs, subsequently leaving a lingering trail of kisses to your cheeks where they streaked your skin. 

He guides you to lay back down on the bed, planting sweet kisses to your lips once you’ve finished catching your breath. You can feel his cock, wet and still impossibly heavy, between your legs, and you want it in you now.

“Hyun,” you start, a pout gracing your lips as you prepare yourself to shamelessly beg, “want you so bad, please, please, fuck me, I need it.”

You can feel his cock unceremoniously twitch at your pleas, a groan leaving his throat at your desperate tone. “You don’t have to beg, my love, I’ll give you anything you want,” Hyunjin says as he rubs his fingers between your folds, feeling how slick you’ve gotten for him.

Truthfully, he should prep you more first, but you’re both so fucking needy for each other, and he’ll just have to hope that fingering you last night and making you cum again since then will be good enough. 

He kisses you and lets you squeeze his hand as he pushes inside, the stretch so much more intense than anything you’ve ever felt, so full that your eyes are rolling back before he’s even thrusting his hips.

It aches, it stings, but it’s also the most addictive pleasure you’ve ever experienced. You want all he has to give you, more and more, until you can feel and think of nothing but him. 

Hyunjin holds one of your legs, his tail once again wrapping around the thigh of the other, this time using it to keep you spread and open for him, allowing him to sink as deep as he possibly can. “Fuck, baby–” Hyunjin groans once he’s sheathed fully inside, your walls so wet and hot and squeezing him impossibly tight, “needed this, needed you so fucking bad, you have no idea.” 

“You too, needed you too Hyun, so bad,” you mirror his sentiment between gaspy moans and shaky whines when he finally starts pulling out, pushing back in one swift and fluid motion, building a quick, desperate pace. Despite the desperation however, his pace is far from sloppy– every thrust is precise, leaving you arching your back as your cries grow in volume, your nails digging harshly into his forearms. 

When he knows you can handle it, he fucks into your faster, capturing your mouth in messy, open kisses, your saliva mixing and pooling until it drips from the corners of your mouth. His grip on your thigh tightens, his fingers sure to leave bruises behind in their wake.

Sweat drips from his brow, sometimes falling to your cheeks, and God, the sight is utterly mesmerizing– even as sweat drips down his face and sticks his hair to his forehead, he’s the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen. 

And again he feels it, the utter love and trust pouring forth from your soul, radiant and perhaps undeserving to be felt by him, but it exists all for him nonetheless. His head drops to your shoulder, every emotion that he feels spilling from you driving him further and further into bliss, his pleasured moans dancing in your ears.

“Tell me, please, fuck, please tell me–” Hyunjin practically whines, his nails now digging into the meat of your thighs as he fucks you harder. Tell him? Tell him what? Somehow, you think you know what he wants to hear, because it’s the very same thing that you want to hear too.

“Love you, I love you, lov– fuck, love you so much,” you breathlessly spill the words between moans, and you hear Hyunjin keen, pleasure erupting from every nerve ending, the wave of love that you exude enough to drown him completely.

“Lovely, my love, I love you, I’m gonna– fuck, ‘m gonna cum, tell me again,” Hyunjin pleads, desperate and urgent, his cock throbbing and twitching as he approaches his own high. 

You do just as he asks, stuttering out endless “I love you”s until you’re both cumming hard, a blissful intensity that steals your breaths away and leaves your bodies shaking. His cum shoots inside you in long spurts, filling you to the brim, so much so that it spills out of you even with his cock still firmly pressed inside you.

“Mine,” Hyunjin mutters as he kisses you, passionate and deep, no longer sloppy and desperate as it was in the throes of his orgasm, “my love, just mine, aren’t you?” 

“Just yours, all yours,” you say, and he knows you’re telling the truth, can feel it with every fiber of his being that you mean it sincerely. It was surreal, realizing the truth about your boyfriend and loving him regardless of who he is and how he truly appears, but you don’t regret it.

He cleans you up diligently, he helps you get dressed and makes you breakfast, he showers you in kisses and endless praise just as he always does throughout the rest of your day.

Because even though he may appear different to you now, he’s still the same Hyunjin you met; the one who dotes on you endlessly, who takes care of you sweetly, who spends hours talking and cuddling and listening to every thought you have.

Though you can’t explicitly read emotion the way he can, you always know what he’s thinking and feeling– because with you he’s transparent, with nothing to hide, and only love and tenderness to give. 

Maybe it’s wrong for a human and demon to be in love, but you like to think this is the happiness you were meant to have, that this is where you’re supposed to be– right by Hyunjin’s side, until your final breath and then in eternity, a love that transcends your human mortality.

If there is one thing you are certain of, it is that spending forever with Hyunjin will bring you a love you’ll feel eternally– warm, gentle, and true.

[genericpuff]

Public service reminder: I love y'all for your support in what I do here, but (a very gentle but) I want to make it clear that this isn't the way-

Names are censored for obv privacy reasons and I don't want to put any of my own readers on blast because I trust comments like these are made with good intention. I appreciate y'all for loving what I do here and putting it out there for others to read along, but I don't do it for this. As much as Rekindled is indeed a parody redraw of LO that's trying to "fix" a lot of the original comic's issues, at the end of the day it's still just a Tumblr project that I'm doing here for fun and I don't want to see it used as ammunition in the comments sections dedicated specifically to LO (for clarification, this was in the @webtoonofficial announcement post for LO winning its third Eisner).

Whether or not it's "better" than LO is subjective and irrelevant. I obviously can't pretend like I didn't have my own motivations to "fix" what I felt was broken, but the act of "fixing" was for those of us who saw it as broken, not for those who love LO as is.

I also can't reasonably ask anyone to keep their opinions about Rekindled to themselves, it's a piece of work that is publicly available and therefore that will put it under the lens of public opinion, but from me to you, this ain't the way. I host it on Tumblr and DH precisely to keep it out of the main view of the fans/stans, because this work isn't for them, it's for all of you who share my disappointment in the original series. I want to be able to run this space free of any extreme fandom discourse - this is also why you won't see me using general LO tags on Tumblr/IG - but the only way that can happen is if we all play nice and don't let the heat of the discourse get to us. Rest assured, I will always stand by my work and what I do here because I love it and have found my lost joy in what LO used to mean to me through it as well as a community of amazing writers and creators... but prevention is better than the cure and I don't want any of that heat getting thrown back my way through weaponizing of my work with or without my knowing in the first place.

Am I pissed about the comic's third win? Absolutely. And as much as I feel it isn't worth anyone's time or energy to get into bickering matches with the stans in these comment sections, those opinions regarding the comic pre-exist my participation in this fandom and would have, one way or another, hit that boiling point regardless (and it's been wild to watch that comment section go down, I can't lie lmao) But this is not the way. Rekindled is - to me, and hopefully to you, too - a reclaiming of the love and passion people like myself used to have for LO, and a celebration of Greek myth and transformative fiction as a genre, above everything else it stands for or could be interpreted as. It's not a weapon meant to be used in discourse. Let's please do our best to be mindful of that so we can keep having fun in this special little space we've carved for ourselves and not make ourselves into the monsters we're often made out to be just for critically discussing and transforming a piece of media that, in spite of all its flaws, brought us together in the way that it did. Let's keep being the best for each other instead of turning ourselves into the worst over others within this massive fandom who we were never going to agree with in the first place.

Thank you all, much love 💖 Do no harm, take no shit ✊️

[hermanoga]

Right now, I can't cite those sources, I'll paste the link when I find them.

Rambling time!

Omg, I have always thought about this! Cheng Xiaoshi is

1. Tall, tanned and handsome (fork in the kitchen, surprise!)

2. Talented singer, so much so that Lu Guang closes his eyes and then sincerely compliments with a solemn expression. (ref - ep 8, season 1)

3. Skilled basketball player, athelete

4. Also skilled in martial arts

and something, SOMETHING even I misinterpreted very much, and this is coming from Li Haoling himself,

5. Cheng Xiaoshi is also academically gifted. Lu Guang and his first meeting was in high school and after qualifying university entrance examination, they got into the same tier university. Haoling describes Cheng Xiaoshi as someone who will perform badly in class, getting 60 or something in class tests and will pull an all nighter before exams and score 90 or above.

So the kind of 'good for nothing' image of Cheng Xiaoshi (ik not all but there are people) is not true. He is truly a multi-talented guy with a charming and cheerful personality (I mean come on his mbti is ESFP).

About his popularity and having friends...

I have always headcanoned that Cheng Xiaoshi chose Lu Guang one day and just never let him go. His choice to spend time with Lu Guang is an active choice and not out of his status of being 'friendless'. I have no one so I'll hang out with lu guang because he only tolerates me/gives me 'patta'. Nope.

The host asks Haoling why Qiao Ling said that before Lu Guang, Cheng Xiaoshi didn't have any friends...and Haoling replies with,

"There is a difference between ordinary friends and true friends, Qiao Ling is referring to the latter. The kind of friend you would open your heart to, embrace with your body and heart, show your most vulnerable core..."

So Lu Guang is that to Cheng Xiaoshi.

I mean, yes, people have different interpretations but I have always been very uncomfortable with that discourse which undermines the intimate bond Shiguang share, it's very underwhelming.

It's both psychological and physical. Season 1 is full of these moments. For Lu Guang, I can say he is the kind of person who just doesn't care about people (I think people might misinterpret it. let me explain. I am not implying he is a sociopath, he is responsible, he manages a lot of things and he considers a given situation with due seriousness BUT he is never actively trying to discuss his extremely personal judgement with anyone EXCEPT your name is Cheng Xiaoshi. He is rational, aloof, respectful towards others as it is a general decorum he follows; all of these have an avalanche breakdown while interacting with Cheng Xiaoshi. I can tell you ( as a fellow introvert scorpio who almost shares his mbti, he judges, I prospect) Lu Guang will probably never curse anyone who is not Cheng Xiaoshi. Decorum and etiquette gives away when he is with him. He does not care about what kind of impression others get of him, but his otherwise solemn demeanour just deliciously fails- he gets angry, frustrated, extremely angry, he (sharply) mocks, he calls him names because he can. Cheng Xiaoshi can install all those feelings in him which he never really publicly displays. Throughout season 1, we often forget that we witness extremely intimate and private Shiguang moments. The stories of the clients progress as it leaves room for Shiguang to interact. The way Lu Guang straight up yells at Cheng Xiaoshi sometimes when he doesn't seem to understand something is so relatable lol. There are fools who allude to that chibi episode where Cheng Xiaoshi asks Lu Guang with hopeful™ eyes " do you think I am handsome?" and Lu Guang goes like "😨🤢🤮" and try to argue that Lu Guang is het 😭 man. Get some IQ. Lmao, Shiguang bicker like an old married couple, and tbh I would react similarly if I had a partner like that.), he cares about Cheng Xiaoshi's morals and perceptions. He seems to be very possessive of Cheng Xiaoshi but Cheng Xiaoshi being Lu Guang's Cheng Xiaoshi does not mind it.

I can't fucking forget that scene when inspector Xiao Li approached Cheng Xiaoshi for Emma's case and Lu Guang just grabbed his wrist and straight up said to the police inspector with all seriousness,

"Before talking to him, you have to talk to me."

I mean- bro-

Cheng Xiaoshi is an adult goddamnit. Lu Guang has no interest in negotiating or discussing the case, and no that is NOT the behaviour of a business partner/manager.

Yingdu episode 1 : Normal friends do not move into your house as an act of apologising. Lu Guang went - I was the reason you were injured, I apologise, I will stay with you (as compensation?). And the conversation escalated to the point where he said "I'll never leave."

heh?

And in ep 8, season 1, he is telling Cheng Xiaoshi to sleep on the couch 😭 bitch it is his house.

(ok, while writing I just suddenly teared up thinking that Lu Guang's Cheng Xiaoshi died. We will never see their original interaction, the Cheng Xiaoshi Lu Guang probably imagined his future with...there was a violent separation and everything stopped altogether. This Cheng Xiaoshi-ok ok it's too painful to think rn I can't )

um, I might have had a shiguang meltdown and I can't continue this rn. will edit later

hi, I came back

so,

about lu guang, we get to see 50 shades of lu guang only because cheng xiaoshi is there.

on the other hand, cheng xiaoshi...

I can't stop thinking about the earthquake episode. Cheng Xiaoshi slapped lu guang. Then hugged him while crying. Then lu guang calls him 'silly melon'. Can you fathom this level of emotional intimacy with someone? what level of intimacy would you need to achieve to let the very person hold you gently and intimately and call you by sweet nicknames who offended you in the first place? it's huge. Cheng Xiaoshi's trust in lu guang is beyond comprehension and no it's not just portrayed in life and death situations, rather shown in vignettes of everyday suffering.

[instantpansies]

STRANGE NOISES FROM THE HOLE IN THE WALL HEADCANONS/INTERPRETATIONS UHHH OBVIOUS SPOILERS. CLARISSA CENTRIC CAUSE. HOLY SHIT

clarissa is to locomotion as clara is to the nutcracker. she's the kid who dreamed him into existence hundreds of years ago. i know he says he's older than the devil - i think that's still plausible, he's existed since thought but wasn't attached to the Silver Line or brought into physical existence until clarissa, lonely or in danger or just bored, imagined a world where she could escape from her everyday life and live as a grown-up(? maybe? since benjamin/timothy/billy seemed to age up as soon as he went through the portal?), with freedom and whimsy and eventually a relationship with the friendly driver.

why do i say this? because otherwise im really fucking confused lmao, that first scene where clarissa and loco are introduced is strange in the context of the end of the play. they seem to have known each other for a good while before they get on the train. they act like a young couple who's stumbled upon the silver line as an escape from danger and now they're excited for their new life in a new, safe world. except that loco also says he's been driving the train for years.

(looking back, that very much feels like a scenario from a child's imagination - or perhaps a dream - where of course he's been doing this for years, that's his job, but of course they're glad they've found the train together, this is a new experience for her so it's just an extension of her perspective)

but clara is, she says, a child when she gets on the train. idk how old "little girl" is, but if we run with this headcanon and also assume that the timeline is both linear and literal, she's imagining herself in some form of a sexual relationship with loco at a pretty young age.

i posit that this can be reconciled in several ways (some more disturbing or inappropriate than others), but one thing that could be considered is that the first scene where loco and clarissa are introduced is symbolic of their relationship over the course of the train's history. depending on how old clarissa was when she first dreamt the world into existence, she might not have even been very aware of loco, and spent her time just enjoying the escapism or whatever. after a few years or however long, she starts to get older and decides to learn how she's actually done this, maybe spends a long time trying to understand exactly what's going on. maybe her research leads her to a relationship with loco, i don't know. they do get on the train together, maybe, when they're both young (or, well, relatively speaking) and new to the world, and loco eventually has been driving the train for years and years and clarissa makes it a bit more tolerable with some companionship after a long lonely time. but those things don't happen simultaneously, because i think those things don't really work simultaneously. that scene is a sort of speedrun/amalgamation of how the two of them have interacted over the years. and yeah i guess that means they fucked at one point in there

(im going to be transparent, some of that is a bit of cope/rationalization. i think loco and the conductor are very exes/begrudging coworkers vibes, but i do like clarissa and loco together as well - unsettlingly powerful girl x eldritch being with a soft spot is a very good trope. and im trying to make it work out okay? give me a break lol. you don't have to agree with me on this, but once i see a luke and tom couple with a fun and compelling dynamic i will not let them go even if the ethics get a bit hard to explain later on. sorry, anyways moving on)

additionally, and i probably should have said this earlier, a reason i think this whole nutcracker theory holds up is because clarissa holds a sort of unique power in the world. she's been on the silver line for hundreds of real-years, who knows how many train-years, and still remembers her name and something of her old life. loco isn't hostile to her, even confirming her memory of her name and reminding her of her birthdate. with everyone else (ex. benjamin), he actively discourages them from remembering their lives. despite seemingly being one of the oldest passengers, she doesn't transform for hundreds of years. she obviously has some significance.

you know how that ties in? if this is clarissa's world, if her mind is what created the whole thing, then i think it makes sense to assume it's tied to her. as she begins to question her surroundings, then panic as she realizes she can't leave, her emotional and/or mental state becomes less stable, less utopic, less perfect. the dream begins to turn into a nightmare. and it becomes. well. an ouroboros. the snake eats its own tail and the train goes in circles and the escapist fantasy clarissa once loved becomes a prison of her own design. trapped in the very thing that was supposed to save her.

maybe that's why anthony and benjamin can get out when they do - as clarissa's world decays, as she finally begins to become part of the nightmare, as she melds with the train, the world has to shift a bit. it's reaching the point of no return - once clarissa has been fully sucked in, the train will never stop again. falling into an infinite nothing. but in that moment, there's one final chance for the conductor to stall locomotion, one final leap that could at last pull benjamin and anthony and everyone who's been sucked in by clarissa's black hole of a nightmare out of the portal and back into the real world.

and now, clarissa has lost three hundred years of a life that should never have lasted so long. gained perhaps thousands of years of memories of joy and connection and despair and panic and forever forever forever. and she is once again trapped in a vessel of her own making - her body is that of the child she has not been for lifetimes. her world is dead and gone - not just the world she created, but the world she escaped from as well. what of locomotion, that brief flash of connection? does he even exist anymore? who is she, now? who was she? where can she possibly go from here?

shoutout delirium_undead on discord for going along with the nutcracker theory and helping me flesh this out. your ideas are so galaxy brained and i am forever in your debt

[antianakin]

hey, just wanted to say that i appreciate you creating this space to discuss more uh....unpopular takes on star wars. obviously fandom is a hobby and i don't want to ruin anyone's fun! but i also want a space to push back against fanon interpretations without treading on anyone's toes, you know?

like the whole obi-wan catholic guilt trope, jedi repression trope at large...i'm being dramatic but as an asian person, sometimes it sucks that this is such a prevalent idea about a heroic group that was influenced by buddhism and is very asian-coded. i'm not wording this well but just like how stories about european knights often reflect *the very best* of western values like chivalry, honor, gentility, i could really see a lot of the best of asian culture (a huge over-simplification) in the jedi.

but all that being reduced to "oh actually it's totally catholic guilt" or a inadvertently a regurgitation of prevalent asian stereotypes (the jedi as a group suppress individuality, they don't express emotions, they are too harsh, too unforgiving, lack compassion) is...frustrating to see, even though it's everyone's right to interpret & relate to things as they see fit.

especially when focused on obi-wan! even if we assume that obi-wan is repressed, secretly attached to an unhealthy degree but hiding it, or whatnot - the man quite literally airs the dirty laundry in front of mace and yoda, perhaps the "highest" members of the jedi. he says that he thinks anakin is arrogant, isn't listening to him. i dunno but a repressed person who hates confrontation and vulnerability probably wouldn't do that. he should've gone "haha nope anakin and i are totally fine masters, totally fine" instead of looking for advice & airing out his frustrations.

people getting angry at obi-wan for putting the jedi order over anakin is still annoying, but at least accurate. like yes! obi-wan does put the good of his culture and the galaxy at large over his old padawan! good for him!

but honestly all popular fanon obi-wan tropes go round on a roulette wheel waiting for me to pick one to be petty about lmao.

I definitely get what you mean about wanting a space to push back on common fanon interpretations without stepping on anyone's toes. That's obviously exactly why I made this blog in the first place. It's why I named the blog "antianakin" at all, it's supposed to be a giant neon warning sign to people that I'm not going to feel ashamed of some of my more negative opinions. It's why I use anti and critical tags as much as possible, and don't use the more general tags most of the time (aside from just... "star wars"). This is my space to put my feelings out there, positive AND negative, and I work really hard to make sure I'm not invading spaces that are meant for being positive.

I also often don't reblog people's posts that I completely disagree with JUST to talk about why I don't like their take. I won't invade someone's Jedi critical post in order to tell them that they're wrong about Star Wars. People have tried to tag me into posts like that, but I'm not interested in doing that kind of thing. If I DO want to say something about what I've seen, I make my own post about the issue.

It's interesting that you mention that stories about European knights often reflect what's viewed as the best of Western values, because so often when I see people talk about what would make the Jedi BETTER (or Legends versions of the Jedi that they think were done better), it's usually pretty clear that the Jedi are being turned INTO your more typical European knight to reflect those exact values. They're often wandering on their own, doing what they personally believe to be right whenever and wherever they want, defending the helpless wherever they find them by just riding in on a white horse and slaying an enemy or a monster. And of course some of those values they uphold are about what love and relationships should look like, too, so they all end up in committed monogamous relationships (even if it's with more than one person, it's still usually monogamous). This is one of the reasons I started getting frustrated with the High Republic novels by the third one because it started having that vibe that the "good" Jedi who stuck to more "traditional" ways of doing things and "traditional" values were so much more like your typical European knight, while the Jedi character doing something more modern and more political was losing his way and struggling with a desire for things he was repressing.

It's a feeling we've seen come up time and time again and it keeps getting tossed out in more recent shows, too, the idea that the Jedi "lost their way" from what they should've been, that they once used to represent something worthwhile and losing those traditional values is what caused their destruction and the only way to keep it from happening again is to go back to that. It's not hard to see where that storyline feels compelling, obviously, but it IS sad to see the values that the Jedi DO have in the Prequels in particular getting tossed aside as unworthy and to see their defeat being rewritten as THEIR failure instead of everyone else's.

I've had people tell me that this story feels like it has more nuance to it than the Jedi simply being the heroic victims and the Sith being pure villains. And I get why people think that, I just think that there's a lot of nuance they're MISSING in the story being told, and that that nuance exists EVEN WITH the Jedi still being the heroic victims and the Sith being clear villains. I am more than happy to help critique some of the WAYS that that story got told in the Prequels, the issues in the structure of the Prequels and how it maybe muddied some of the messages that the story was trying to get across, but I also think that that critique is SEPARATE from my feelings on the intended narrative itself. I don't think that the narrative itself is bad or lacking in nuance simply because it may not have been told perfectly. And, personally, I think that some of the more "nuanced" Jedi critical takes often seem INCREDIBLY simplistic themselves.

As for Obi-Wan, fandom will do what fandom does to its darlings. I've certainly done my fair share of simplifying my faves down to shadows of themselves because I happened to enjoy the shadow sometimes in its own right. But I do think that there's plenty of evidence to contradict a lot of people's more popular interpretation of Obi-Wan as a repressed, damaged, traumatized waif. I don't mind a LITTLE of that sometimes, usually when I read fics set in the early years of his apprenticeship with Qui-Gon following some of the events of Jedi Apprentice, but it comes with the context that Obi-Wan is still VERY YOUNG at the time and is dealing with some fairly specific things that have just happened to him and is still learning how to do that in a healthy way.

By the time you hit The Phantom Menace and ESPECIALLY the Clone Wars, Obi-Wan should no longer be a repressed, traumatized waif of a person. That's when it stops being believable to me because the character we see on screen in that time period never fits that description. Like you said, he's ACTIVELY confrontational to his superiors. He does do it with Mace and Yoda (and he does it in ROTS as well as in AOTC) and he does it with Qui-Gon during his apprenticeship, too.

The one other time I was willing to accept some of this characterization was in the Kenobi show where we do see him being more repressed and traumatized and less willing to stand up for himself when faced with confrontation with people like Owen. But one of the reasons this worked for me is because, much like with those JA fics, it comes with a VERY SPECIFIC CONTEXT, and it's done with the intentional purpose of giving Obi-Wan somewhere to develop. He also doesn't stay particularly submissive or waif-like for long, we see him gain back a LOT of his willingness to stand up for himself and confront people by the second episode. The message wasn't that Obi-Wan had ALWAYS been damaged and traumatized or that he was always "meant" for sadness or whatever, but that he had the capacity to find happiness IF HE CHOOSES TO ACT LIKE THE JEDI HE ONE WAS. The only reason he's struggling is because he ISN'T acting like a Jedi anymore. He's not finally figuring out how to handle his traumas, he's GOING BACK to being the person who can handle his traumas.

Anyway, yeah, I feel you, I have definitely experienced the roulette wheel of petty frustration at fandom interpretations of Obi-Wan lol. I can barely handle the "he drops his lightsaber all the time" joke because I feel like it often makes him come across as childishly incompetent.

[jazzyblusnowflake]

I saw your post about your Nuzi headcanons and I have to say THEY ARE ADORABLE!

But it got me thinking, do you have any Vuzi headcanons?

I don't why but I've become obsessed with them in the past while and I wanted to know if you had any ideas for them since you made that incredible Vuzi comic a while back.

oh jeesums, i didn't really expect people to like my HCs enough for it to get over a hundred likes 😭😭😭💕

but yesss id love to take a swing at writing down my subconsciously decided vuzi headcanons too XD so lessee-

Some Vuzi Headcanons i got òvó:

[once again only the drone version ones and as sfw as i can manage lmao sorry asddjfkdfl-]

This version being for AFTER everything is over with and V is ALIVE //or I'm going for Liam's neck personally//- but whether she's with N too or not is for your own interpretation, cuz for ME personally she gets with Uzi AFTER N and Uzi were already a thing together-

Starting a bit similar to the previous HCs, unlike with N, Uzi and V looooooooooooove calling eachother names- ranging from pet names to petty insults, they very hardly call each other their actual names lmao; and Uzi is probably the ONLY person that could get to call V pet names or flirt with her and get away unscathed- V has very little tolerance for anyone else. when actually trying to be intimate or flirty- Uzi loves calling V "Kitty" [cliche i know] and its one of the more acceptable pet names that V allows, but sometimes Uzi goes for pet names to actually make V blush and feel flustered, and those are usually from Uzis more compassionate side since V is allergic to romance apparently 🙄. calling V things like "my pretty", "gorgeous", "you wild thing"- drives V up the wall and she's stuck between wanting to bite Uzi's face off or rip her own off- and likewise when V wants to fluster Uzi she has her own range of heat fueled pet names like "baby bat/batsy", "cutie", "my little snacc"- and overall their job is to try and drive eachother insane lmao. less romantic names on both their sides would be=> [Uzi]: fatty, insufferable nutcase, dumb boob// [V]: shorty, edgy toaster, lil freakshow- and etc etc. TLDR: names.... they call eachother alot of names. that's it lmao.

They have a more avoidant relationship, where N and Uzi would seek comfort in one another, Uzi and V realize when the other isn't feeling well they need space to let off steam and trust one another enough that the other will come to them when they are ready. this isn't the most perfect way to deal with things given they are usually on a time crunch and need to get over their traumas quickly, but in the end they both know they are there for eachother when it matters the most.

teasing.... they do alot of that- although one would argue that V is the only one winning here 😭. V would not let the subject of Uzi being short go- if there's any moment that she could make the joke, she will not let the opportunity pass- anything relating to flustering or embarrassing Uzi absolutely goes- its not uncommon for N to walk in on the two fighting while V is just laughing and cooing at the other that she's just a cute lil baby while Uzi is trying her best to strangle the other without actually harming her. but then Uzi says that V is just a big dumb boob cuz that's all she could see from her pov and N is desperately trying to keep himself from laughing in the background-

V loves picking up Uzi.... that's it... she would never admit it out loud, but holding Uzi up, whether on her back or holding her from the front and feeling Uzi cling to her for support gives her immense internal joy, even if she doesn't show it in her expression. she often prefers picking Uzi up when they make out and this works in both their favors too cuz Uzi loves being taller lmao.

V wouldn't admit it but she is terrified of Uzi getting angry. like actually, genuinely, furiously LIVID level of angry Uzi is enough to make V curl her tail between her legs and just step away slowly. and Uzi.... when Uzi is mad, she talks sickeningly sweet to V. that's how V knows its time to fucking RUN or PERISH.

V is a lot more traumatized than N from Cyn's influence. during her comatosed state she can still vividly remember all the things Cyn had done to her in her mindspace, the same way N got to see all of his own mangled bodies in his own headspace, but unlike N she remembered all of it, hence why she turned into a neurological murder bot. So while she is with the others shes often scared opening up emotionally, and to fix this Uzi tries to force her for some cuddle times. don't get me wrong sometimes both N and Uzi have to literally WRESTLE V til she no longer has energy to fight back just to drag her in the cuddle pile. she usually doesn't talk much and even more rarely breaks down into crying but she's secretly grateful of having Uzi to sometimes force her into things she should do more often in order to heal, and one of those is learning to trust again.

V and Uzi have sparring sessions every now and then- tho sometimes V fights dirty- if you catch my drift lmao- and Uzi is weak for that shit, sadly 😔 Uzi finds herself contemplating her life choices when V is constantly giving her new kinks to consider smhhhh. it doesnt help that V doesnt treat Uzi as weak or breakable, she goes all out and Uzi is thankful to her about it. tho N would not touch this particular catfight between two wild ladies with a 100ft pole- [which would probably be the distance he's standing and watching from...just in case...]

funny enough most of their arguments end with makeout sessions. N cant tell if this is their way of flirting from the start or their way of making up after a fight....

V is secretly protective of Uzi, not interfering when Uzi is dealing with someone but standing a few steps behind her, brandishing her claws just in case, to send an obvious message.

V is absolutely rough when trying to be intimate. Uzi needs lots of energy to heal from bite marks but they always make sure the other is comfortable about it. but when Uzi is soft and gentle with her and focuses on being reassuring and loving towards her, V's a flustered incoherent mess-

despite being the more avoidant one, V is usually the one who initiates any intimacy- [mostly because Uzi is too short or busy or embarrassed to do so 🙄] and when she gets needy, Uzi feels internally giddy as though a cat has chosen her or something-

Uzi likes to ask V sometimes of any HAPPY memories she had back at the mansion.

OKAY- damn that was LOOOOOONG- hope these are good enough- i had a lot of fun writing them :D

once again, left out any nsfw hcs 😇 enjoy the dumpster fire lesbiams-

i also tried my best to leave out the N x Uzi x V headcanons so it would seem more specifically for Vuzi :"3

[truthinquotations]

While i absolutely love malevolent and everything about it from its insane concept to the fact that everything is done by one fucking guy i cant help but laugh at the fact that theres no difference between supernatural and malevolent in terms of queerbating 😭😭 i think I’m cursed to like homoerotic media made by straight men who wont ever commit to the bit they created

I’m not saying that i want them to be together like explicitly or whatever its just that i know that theres no reason to add certain things in the plot other than to create this kind of ambiguous state. And i know its not just me cos my bestie who got me into malevolent and recently watched all supernatural says the same thing😭😭 So now we’re just making jokes about how stereotypically “bury ur gays” or “make them go their separate ways” the ending will be lmao in true fashion of the best queerbait media

Top 3 are: 1) they get separated and go their separate ways cos John wants to “find himself” 2) they get separated and john goes to find lily (and don’t get me started on lily that whole thing is fucking HILARIOUS to me) 3) one of them dies and the other is forever in mourning

Again i love malevolent but the last seasons really r trying it in this department 😭😭😭

Edit. Lmao i know its a controversial take so not surprised at the comments. First of all i cant be “wrong” about a feeling I have its just how i FEEL about the show in the later seasons. You can say you disagree but to say that im wrong about my feelings just doesnt work lol im not here to defend a thesis. Secondly i know for a fact it’s not just me and my bestie feeling this way since yk this post also has ppl who agree with me🤷. If you get what I’m talking about you immediately understood my point, if you don’t, u don’t, its ok, I’m not advocating to change the podcast lmao

Pls stop with the whole “a lot of people see it as a aromantic relationship they dont have to be a couple friends tell ily to each other often” respectfully IN MY OPINION they have passed that line of friendship a long time ago. You can interpret it however you want same as I can interpret it however I want. But as a person who has a couple fandoms where i love the friendships and platonic relationships of characters i have never genuinely paid attention to to the amount of ily characters say bcos yk it would be a regular amount😭😭 Same as it never struck me weird if some characters been jealous in a friendship bcos it was clear that it was a friendship pure and simple. Which js why iI dont feel like jarthur is written as friends even if they never get together (which i dont even want lol i dont see how it would fit into plot atp). Honestly just how many times yall tell your friends that you love them or be ready to kill their other friends 💀💀

Some moments in malevolent feels eerily similar to supernatural and tw and if you get it you get. Two that come to mind is how in spn they had dean have sex with a female angel when everyone obvs been shipping him with cas. And how teen wolf brought dereks little sister that was practically his copy in every way on screen and alluded to stiles having a crush on her 😭. I get similar vibes when john brings lily out of fucking nowhere as his “light” (Or purpose or tether to humanity smth like that i forget the exact wording). I died laughing when hearing that like im sorry i get what he’s saying you don’t have to explain it to me but he brings her up so abruptly and i was just sitting there mentally asking myself “what do you know about her??? Who IS lily???” Like we’re suddenly meant to think lily is a bigger influence during those 2 months on johns humanity then arthur is😭😭 i mean come on even arthur was like ???

i wouldn’t be as surprised if they showed us some interaction like lily reading to arthur or smth like us hearing her voice or idk her last fucking name at least😭😭 something that would make it clear why he’s bringing up that character from fuck knows when other then its the only female character that can be considerably linked to john as his “light” in this scenario.

You can view their relationship however you want if you dont see it perfect then its not meant for you. I however genuinely cant view this as just friendship, the whole being jealous to the point of wanting to kill someone who seems as devoted to your partner as you are, refusing to be parted even when opportunity WAS presented and so on. If you can thats great, media is not meant to be interpreted in one way I can say its not friendly and you can say its your fav aromantic duo 🤷

I dont even think Harlan is doing it on purpose we just have very different definitions of what platonic means lmao. However the increase of these moments in the last seasons felt kind of purposeful to me lol which was what brought this on. And pls dont tell me its cos they got closer in the latter seasons arthur killed himself in s1 they’ve been close😭😭😭

I just don’t think that a person who hasn’t heard that harlan wont make them a couple, hasn’t heard a bit of discourse, listened to the podcast and certain moments of “ily” or their separation anxiety yada yada yada and would never think they have romantic feelings for each other or that its not where its headed.

Also if I feel like i experienced this exact same thing with media before and it was called queerbait and universally acknowledged as such I’m not gonna reinvent in my head definition of friendship and platonic love to fit what was previously labelled as queerbait there, Im gonna call it queerbait. Especially since it feels like every other media that was labelled as such before. Im not advocating to change the podcast or cancel it or whatever im expressing an opinion i have on my blog that i know other ppl even if not a lot agree with.

I stand with my cancelled take 💀💀💀

[countlessofvoids]

what's interesting about hiccup's character that you never see people talk about? as someone who likes him, i also get annoyed by how the fandom sees him and i prefer him in the first movie over everything else.

A lot of things honestly. I have a hard time naming them individualy lmao.

I feel like people tend to take parts of Hiccup's character they like, then mold him into something imitating Hiccup. I see a lot of interpretations where his sarcasm takes up 90% of his personality and/or his entire motivation is saving dragons and killing people as some kind of vigilante. Another thing popular in this fandom that annoys me is taking other characters' traits and giving those to Hiccup.

But what I believe mainly gets ignored, or rather purposefully removed, is him being a 'peacekeeper'. Now, I can't exactly blame anyone for doing this, because continuations after the second movie either ;

1) Completly forget it was a thing.

Or 2) The Narrative actively shames him for it, or turns it into something else. This goes for THW — where it's treated as a flaw of Hiccup's character, then reduced to him "being afraid of change" (And circles back to the whole "Humans bad, Dragons good" message of THW, I could go on about this topic for hours).

The source material itself is not interested in exploring it.

This also happens partialy because fans think peacekeeper means someone who has no understanding of how conflicts work and expects everyone to drop their weapons to go frolic in the fields together. Hiccup gets criticized for trying to find another way, when he has a reason to believe he can change people. I mean, he changed the entirety of Berk. Yes, pursuing Drago Bludvist so you can convince him to join your side when everyone who has more experience with the warlord tells you not to, is not the best decision. But Hiccup is young, he's bound to make mistakes. Besides, events wouldn't alter too much if he did otherwise.

Which is a bit disappointing. I think it could fit with the theme of him being different from everyone else; Looking for a peaceful solution when others want to destroy each other. Another reason why I find this concept intriguing is because I see Hiccup as someone who struggles a bit when it comes to sympathizing with humans, especially hunters. Not as in he intentionaly hates them — he just spent his life befriending animals & dragons instead of people, so now he's spiteful especially towards humans who hurt them. I like to think he still holds even a tiny bit of spite towards Berkians and his enemies-turned-allies (not with Stoick & Valka though, it's complicated with them).

As for why I personaly don't like him in most iterations after the first movie: He's just kinda boring. He goes from a sarcastic loner who ultimately wants to be accepted by others, to 'young movie male protagonist n.1235'. Huge part of that comes from what was done with his design. Second movie!Hiccup has started to grow on me lately. I couldn't care less about RTTE!Hiccup. THW!Hiccup was on the right path, but they chose the worst and most contradictory way of doing it. It could also be the fact he loses relatability for me.

[splashstar01]

Unofficial "Gayness Levels" of my 7 TOP TIER fave-of-all-time slash couples

(that I’m doing purely to pass the time whilst sick with covid, don't be mad at ratings, I adore them all & tried to be as non-biased as possible, looking purely at canon moments!! xD)

I TRIED NOT TO SPOIL ANYTHING. PLEASE DO NOT SPOIL.

Warning: This post is anti-Hinny & anti-Arwen. If that triggers you, don't read. In actuality, I don't hate Ginny or Gwen. Ginny got better in HPCC after she was no longer an annoying teenage girl, and Gwen is my fave girl! But I ship her with Lancelot, not Arthur! ;~;

•• ━━━━━ ••●•• ━━━━━ •••• ━━━━━ ••●•• ━━━━━ ••

I will give spoiler warnings, as there are ships where the spoiling just had to happen in order to fully rank them. :| I will give ample spoiler alerts!

I worked diligently for hours each day since coming down with covid (after the 2nd day, because before then I was too weak to move). 

I tried making sure each ship had a proper fighting chance. My ships are like my children lol. X3 I went into this working from the top down, with assuming the best of them and trying to find evidence for why they were 5 stars in each category!! I wanted all my ships to get 5 stars across the board. But I also had to be partial/realistic, supporting the 5 stars with evidence, or lack thereof, in some cases.

Ships on the list (in no particular order. No, really, I used a randomizer to pick order lmao):

Renga

Drarry

Hannigram

Destiel

Asheiji

Merthur

Scorbus

Anime: Sk8 the Infinity--Renga (Reki & Langa)

Pros:

Deep Emotional Connection 

Affectionate 

Strong Chemistry

Semi-Canon Status

“During his beef against Shadow (a rival) in episode 1, his skating when he’s just coolly, narrowly avoiding rocks in that long 18-second cut, and his final jump, I fell in love with him just as Reki did when he saw Snow (Langa's skating name)!” ~Utsumi (creator)

Cons:

Lack of Explicit Romance: While the emotional and psychological depth of their relationship is clear, there’s no explicit romantic resolution in the canon yet (we only just got done with season 1). Fans are left with a lot of subtext, which, while meaningful, can be frustrating for those seeking concrete confirmation of their relationship beyond friendship.

One-Sided Vulnerability at Times: While Langa expresses his admiration and need for Reki in more overt ways, Reki tends to hide his struggles and insecurities, which at times creates emotional distance. Their dynamic leans more towards admiration and personal growth than deep codependence.

Ranking Renga's Gayness:

Touchy-Feely Levels: ★★★★★ 

Their frequent proximity and shared physical activities, like skateboarding and emotional hugs, show a lot of closeness. Their body language often communicates a sense of care. Skating together in such intimate, trust-filled moments adds a subtle layer of physical intimacy. While there aren’t overt romantic physical gestures, their body language and frequent proximity (like skating together and often emotional literal flying-bodies-on-the-ground hugs) show a lot of closeness. Their skateboarding together, sharing intimate experiences like teaching and encouraging one another, could be interpreted as a form of touch. But also once they shared a skateboard ;) Like, how gay is that? rofl xD

Emotional Intimacy: ★★★★★ Their emotional connection is the heart of their relationship. They provide each other with significant emotional support, and the anime highlights moments of vulnerability, particularly as Reki works through feelings of inadequacy while Langa seeks connection. Langa, a former snowboarder, relies on Reki to rediscover his love for -boarding (now skateboarding) after moving from Canada, while Reki finds confidence in Langa’s presence and validation in their friendship. Langa’s conversation with his mom, where he blushes while discussing his crush on Reki, further highlights the depth of their emotional bond. Reki and Langa openly support and encourage each other, creating a strong foundation for emotional intimacy. They have a close, supportive friendship with many moments of emotional vulnerability. Their emotional bond is built on a strong foundation of deep mutual care and admiration.

Obsession/Codependence: ★★★★☆ There are elements of obsession, especially on Langa’s side, as he becomes fixated on skating with Reki and their shared bond. Their relationship also affects their self-worth and happiness, which speaks to a subtle codependence. Langa cannot perform well without Reki, who is his main reason for skating. When they drift apart, their emotional turmoil is palpable, especially for Reki, who struggles with feelings of inadequacy. They lean on each other for emotional support and personal growth, though for Reki it doesn't cross into full-blown obsession or unhealthy codependency. Because the obsession/codependence is a little bit 1-sided, they get 4 stars instead of 5. 

Sacrifices: 5/5 ★★★★★

Reki sacrifices his time and energy to help Langa become a better skater, even when it impacts his own self-confidence. Meanwhile, Langa shows his deep affection by trying to bring Reki back into the fold after they drift apart. Both make sacrifices to maintain their friendship and emotional bond, though these are more emotional than life-threatening. Reki sacrifices his confidence and emotional security for Langa's sake, as he struggles with feelings of inferiority. Langa also makes emotional sacrifices by never flaunting how much better of a skater he is. Langa also takes Reki’s jealousy without retaliation or anger, only deep sadness. They each compromise and grow from their relationship, making personal sacrifices for the sake of their bond. While their sacrifices are more emotional than physical, they’re still significant.

During this fight, it was even raining. What a het trope, lol. Fighting in the rain... XD This was completely intentional.

Chemistry: ★★★★★ Their chemistry is undeniable, with a mix of playful banter, deep emotional support, and moments of jealousy and longing. Whether skating together or simply interacting, their dynamic is magnetic, and their friendship feels full of unspoken tension and affection. The chemistry between Reki and Langa is electric, with strong emotional tension and moments of clear admiration. Their relationship balances moments of fun and lightheartedness with deep emotional conflict and resolution, making their connection dynamic and impactful. The fact that fans—and even the creator—acknowledge Reki’s love-at-first-sight moment highlights the romantic potential. The dynamic between them is filled with tension and warmth, as they balance moments of fun, teasing, and heartfelt connection. Their bond drives much of the emotional intensity in the series, with their skateboarding journey acting as a metaphor for their relationship. (The show is mostly about their relationship, with skateboarding as a side/distraction lol)

How Canon?: ★★★★☆ 4.5 Renga falls into the semi-canon category, with the creator’s commentary and Langa’s blushing reaction to his mom asking about his feelings for Reki. The romantic subtext is strong, and there’s creator intent to show Reki and Langa’s relationship in a romantic light. The creator openly discussed Reki’s admiration for Langa from the start. However, despite these clear hints and the romantic subtext, there’s no explicit confirmation of their relationship on-screen, keeping it from being fully canon for now. Nonetheless, the anime provides more than enough material to consider them as a semi-canon romantic pairing.

During episode 8, while Langa's mom was asking him about why he seemed so down in the dumps, his mom related his story to an experience she once had, presumably about his dad. Because of that, she tells him it would be better if he was honest about his feelings. She asks him to confirm, (in both English and Japanese dubs), "You like this person, don't you?" Langa replies with a shocked yet toned down blush, and eventually Utsumi (the creator) confirmed he does romantically like "this person" (Reki). During that same episode, in the original Japanese dub, his mom says it as "Sukina ndesyo?" which translates to what the English sub or dub said. The word "Suki" In Japanese means "like", however, in contexts like this, it translates to "romantic love."

Final Summary:

Touchy-Feely Levels: 5/5  ★★★★★

Emotional Intimacy: 5/5 ★★★★★

Obsession/Codependence: 4/5 ★★★★☆

Sacrifices: 5/5  ★★★★★

Chemistry: 5/5 ★★★★★

How Canon?: 4.5/5 ★★★★☆

Total: 4.75 out of 5 stars

2. Series: Harry Potter--Book!Drarry (Draco Malfoy & Harry Potter)

Both original Harry Potter book artwork by Jim Kay.

Before reading the books, I thought Drarry was a total crack ship & I didn't like movie!Draco. I thought he was a simple bully. I read the books for Snape x Lily. But Snily ship sunk faster than the Titanic, and in its place was this glorious OTHER! Drarry actually has a ton of textual evidence/support & I couldn't deny the gay anymore lool.

Pros:

Obsession & Codependence

Chemistry

Sacrifices

Tons of Intimate Moments (in the official last installment, the play HPCC--Harry Potter & The Cursed Child (which focuses on Harry & Draco's sons Scorbus (who is also on this list). Most of the fandom hates HPCC, but it's the book with one of the best drarry so I'll gladly take it lol.)

JKR (the TERF) randomly hates Draco, & she hates the ship. BUT: I compiled the Drarry Bible, a 98k word doc of all the Drarry scenes/how they are accidental literal soulmates! Read first if you're mad about smthn I said (even if you've read the series—many Drarry shippers have been stunned by its contents). I have text proof!

Cons:

Never becomes canon—it's mostly fan interpretation of the canon text where JKR accidentally writes them out as utterly in love. I was never looking for the gay with Drarry. I disliked Draco, I was there for the Snily. Why would I want Harry with his bully? The gay ran me over.

Very little physical intimacy, though the emotional intensity is powerful and the times they do have physical intimacy are very profound.

Obsession & Codependence:

"Harry, however, had never been less interested in Quidditch; he was rapidly becoming obsessed with Draco Malfoy." ~Harry Potter & the Half-blood Prince

Rating: 5/5

Obsession levels are extremely high for both characters. Draco spends a good chunk of the series fixated on Harry, while Harry reciprocates by fixating on Draco’s every move (even when he's not being suspicious, which is most of the time). The fact that they stare at each other, know each other’s habits, and even unintentionally hurt themselves due to this obsession solidifies this. Codependence emerges in how much they seem to thrive on this rivalry and attention from each other. Their mutual fixation and obsession with each other feel incredibly intense, with shades of romantic tension, especially given how the entire school, even staff, pick up on it. Their obsession feels very queer-coded, even if not canonically romantic.  Draco spends five out of seven books completely fixated on Harry (even in books where he's not like The Half-blood Prince & Deathly Hallows, there's still plenty of gay)! And Harry is obsessed with Draco in return.

From the Drarry Bible:

They are constantly staring at each other for no good reason (like all the way across the Great Hall during lunches). They shout at each other all the way across the Great Hall too, making their obsession obvious for the whole school (because the whole school has same lunch period). They are literal walking encyclopedias of the other. Draco talks about Harry constantly to anyone who would listen (Harry is his favorite topic...), and thus the whole school knows about his big gay crush on Harry, including the staff, his parents (especially his father who told him to STFU about Harry since he was talking about Harry literally all summer lmao), and even Voldemort was highly suspicious in the last book, to Draco's father's horror. Harry is equally obsessed over Draco, so much so that he gets hospitalized because he’s thinking about Draco too much during a Quidditch match and gets hit. Also, the staff, Draco’s mother, and Ron’s dad knows about Harry’s crush on Draco (Ron’s dad is amused by it)… Draco is so obsessed over Harry that he makes ‘Potter stinks’ badges and charms enough for all 3 Houses and gives them out for FREE! (He's his own personal Harry Potter fanclub..) And Harry, despite pretending to be furious, secretly kept one! (He brought it home and kept it under the bed with the rest of his special souvenirs from school lolololol I can't even with this!) Their last encounter before that school year was out (his only time to be able to have taken a Potter Stinks badge) was even another argument with Draco on the train.. Lmaao! And all along, little did Draco know, Harry had a badge tucked away on his person. And brought it home with him. And it still works even years later because that’s how much care Draco put into making them (who does this??) And there’s no way you would put all that effort into doing it for someone you’re not totally crushing on but talk about constantly and watch all the time and use every excuse in the book to try to talk to.  Like one year he even faked an arm injury and then later admitted to Harry he was just trying to get Harry to help him out in their class. So he kept complaining until Snape finally gave him Harry as a lab partner. XD This gay, I swear.

2. Chemistry:

Rating: 5/5

The enemies-to-something dynamic creates a palpable push-pull tension. Draco’s teasing and Harry’s confused reactions lead to charged moments, and their chemistry seems more alive than with other characters. The emotional and physical energy between them is notable and strong. Draco teases Harry constantly because he's upset Harry rejected his friendship (this was confirmed by Draco himself in his confession to Harry in HPCC). Harry confusing anger for arousal (he'll be "mad" but stares constantly, never agree with Ron when Ron makes fun of Draco's looks or wishes ill on him, & immediately perks up at any mention of Draco's name bc Draco is also secretly his fave topic lol). Draco’s teasing, and their back-and-forth feels emotionally charged and reads like many classic queer-coded rivalries.  The push-pull, enemies-to-something dynamic is strong. Draco and Harry have a charged energy whenever they’re around each other. As Draco smirks-winks at him, Harry sometimes acts the part of the 'blushing maiden' with Ron to defend him. His face flushes, and he gets really quiet sometimes. One time Harry was standing towards the front of the school and all the other kids were standing too, but Harry was wondering where Draco was, so he turned his head and looked for him as Dumbledore was speaking, and Draco was sitting instead of standing, and staring straight ahead. So Draco obviously sees Harry just try to find him and Harry just turns back to the front after finding Draco (which totally gave himself away). That's like, so fucking embarrassing. JKR said Ginny was meant to represent his dead mother Lily, which is why like Lily, Ginny has flaming red hair. (Kinda creepy to make the wife physically look like the mom, but okay.) Not to mention, with Ginny's family, which is Ron's family since Ginny is Ron's little sister, the family basically adopted Harry in as their own, making them Harry's first 'real' family. This suggests that his connection with Ginny is more about emotional security than romantic passion, which explains why he's never truly as obsessed with her as with Draco. Their het romance was so sudden and lacking in passion that some fans theorize Ginny used a love potion. (Literally, Harry had a bigger girl crush on Cho than he ever did Ginny.) Harry & Draco’s obsession with each other is love-potion extreme all throughout the series (the way Harry would be with Draco would almost feel like the way Ron would describe his feelings this one time Ron accidentally took a love potion). In HPCC, they are friends and without even being there for their intimate 1v1 talks, they must be acting so friendly because Ron points out that they’re so “chummy-chummy” now! And their Quidditch matches became like their impromptu dates that they both looked forward to. (Harry was hospitalized bc Draco was skipping his matches that year, so during a match with Hufflepuff, he was thinking about where Draco could be and that's when he was hit. (Everything I say are book passages--feel free to search them up in the Drarry Bible above.)

3. Sacrifices:

Rating: 5/5

Both make significant sacrifices for each other, risking not just their lives but the well-being of loved ones. Draco’s risking the lives of himself and his family’s for Harry is particularly telling given JKR confirmed that nothing is more important to him than family (except Pottah I guess *snicker*)! While Harry repeatedly saves Draco, even risking the lives of himself and his two besties who are like his own family (of course Harry is an orphan and has no living blood relatives except the Dursleys, so the few found family he has are everything to him…..) During the Battle of Hogwarts, Draco saves his life from his two friends, screaming “DON’T KILL HIM! DON’T KILL HIM!” (Draco rarely ever screams) and of course when Draco needs rescuing immediately after, Harry is the first one there!! Even as Ron screams that if they die, he’ll kill Harry lol. So Harry risks the lives of his two best friends to fly back in and rescue his big gay crush. He rescues Draco while his friends get Goyle. Harry honestly didn’t give a shit about Draco's friends, he was going straight for Draco. If he’d really cared about rescuing the one in most need, he would’ve gone for Goyle first who was in much worse shape….. Or Crabbe. Crabbe ended up dying in the fire. 😓

Though this doesn’t cement a romantic relationship, the emotional investment is high. Sacrificing one’s life or risking safety of other loved ones for each other shows deep emotional ties. The risk-taking for each other’s sake has undertones of devotion that could easily be read as a more-than-platonic connection. Harry's repeated acts of saving Draco’s life, even putting his best friends at risk, and Draco's willingness to risk his family's safety for Harry, show a profound level of sacrifice. The fact that both characters are willing to risk everything for each other, including their lives and the well-being of loved ones, underscores the magnitude of their sacrifices and devotion. Draco’s intense vulnerability in HPCC further emphasizes the depth of their emotional connection. Draco shows an intense vulnerability in the final book, opening the door for an emotional connection for HPCC. Unlike the movies, he never goes to Voldemort’s side in the end. He chooses Harry’s side, even though Harry’s side isn’t his parent’s side. He does this because he soon realized in book 6 that he can’t stomach violence (unlike James Potter—Harry’s violent bully of a father who was planning the murder of a fellow student but backed out last minute), but also I’m sure Harry being over on that side pushed him over the edge.  Even during the duel from HPCC, where Draco initiated it as he was trying to get Harry to allow their gay sons to be together, Draco didn’t really want to hurt Harry. His attack spells were mild, much less lethal than his spells during school in their duels (like, Harry used two spells: tickle & forced dancing... while Draco used spells that shoved Harry and etc etc.. it was all very mid).

4. Emotional Intimacy:

Rating: 5/5

So Draco always wants to use every excuse to talk to Harry. That's why every single year on the train (except the 6th book, there was no 7th year since Harry went on the run that year), Draco would go meet up with Harry to talk to him before school starts probably because he missed him over the summer. awwwww LOL. And in the year Draco didn't go to him, Harry put on an invisibility cloak and went to Draco, because Draco, a 16 yo kid (mind you, in HP, 17 is legal adult age), went shopping without his mother! And this going shopping alone made Harry so suspicious of Draco and Harry's two friends were with him the whole time, but neither of them thought it was that suspicious and they literally get so sick of Harry talking about Draco non-stop that year that they tune him out. Harry proceeds to use a magical map to track all of Draco's movements that year, going as far as ducking into bathroom stalls to check where Draco is. LMAO! These boys will be the end of me... -,-; HPCC adds fuel with their intimate conversations where Draco confesses his true feelings about their school rivalry—that he just wanted to be besties with Harry & was jealous of Ron & Hermione because they got to be Harry’s friends while he had to force his way into Harry’s life through mean teasing just to be able to talk to him! Their interactions go far beyond what we see in Harry’s interactions with many other characters in the play, and now that they’re adults and civil, the depth of their bond escalated like wildfire, which leaves the audience wondering how much closer they would get after the play when they’re now actual friends! Considering their innate obsession with one another and need to be close….. And the fact that Harry and Draco are both pretty queer-coded gay men.... (The books are told from 1st POV so we know exactly what Harry was feeling and who he kept staring at, and he was definitely never staring at Ginny....)

Emotional intimacy is often a hallmark of romantic or queer connections. The vulnerability Draco shows and the fact that he was so obsessed with becoming friends with Harry shows a deeper connection than rivalry. In HPCC, Draco admitted to Harry that he was never jealous of his fame, just his friends. Naturally, Ron got to be friends with Harry, so that's why Draco had such a hatred for him.

Harry knows Draco better than anyone else, even though Draco is really good at hiding his feelings with occlumency (the magic of closing one's mind against mind reading, which requires a strong ability to hide feelings). Harry is the only one who can still see past it despite the fact that they’re not even friends. Likewise, Draco knows Harry really well and is the only one to know Harry well enough that he knew Harry wouldn’t attack those students in Chamber of Secrets during a time when most of the school suspected Harry. He also knew that Harry wasn’t the heir of Slytherin despite most of the wizarding world, including his dad who he idolizes, thinking Harry must’ve been some dark wizard in order to blast Voldemort away as a baby. 

In HPCC, Draco was the one who was most worried for Harry when Harry volunteered to go confront Voldemort (I cannot make this up, he was literally panicking like how he does in fanfics.... llol like aww so sweet), and Harry was the one Draco was most worried about, despite the fact that Harry was the head of the DMLE (Department of Magical Law Enforcement—Head Auror) AND the only one to have repeatedly gone face to face with Voldemort & lived of all the people there (Ron, Harry, Hermione, Draco, and their gay 14 year old sons). 

Harry worries endlessly about Draco when he knows Draco is in a tight spot. They are soulmates, one half of the same whole. They are the only two who really know what the other went through in regards to Voldemort. Harry saved Draco in more ways than one. In HPCC, they had far more special moments with each other than with literally anyone else in the play, far more than Harry with his wife (Draco’s wife died of illness at the beginning of the play). 

In the books, Harry was never really attracted to any of the girls. His biggest girl crush was Cho (crush on Ginny/wife doesn’t even come close so the fandom never talks about her because there’s barely any book quotes to bounce off of!), but even that crush paled in comparison to his obsession over Draco. Even though Cho's table was closer to his, he'd never look at her during lunches... He'd look right over her to look at Draco.................. YUP. This is why Drarry is such a huge ship. JKR was not subtle.... yet she claims Drarry is all in our heads! In Harry's internal monologue, he was mostly checking out other guys, but mostly Draco. Literally all the guys he thought were handsome had Dracos’s eye color! 🤔 Sus much? LMAO. There was no guy he found attractive that did NOT have Draco’s eye color.

In HPCC, Draco was so quick to forgive Harry (he was mad enough that he went to Harry's house and started fighting him and they fucked up the kitchen by throwing chairs etc.. & generally reverting back to their schoolboy days!!! lmao), even though Harry never apologized! They have such soft spots for one another, and Harry is always just as fast to forgive, esp in school. v_v

The depth of their connection is highlighted by their intimate conversations in HPCC, and in all the books, their deep understanding, and concern for each other. Their interactions go beyond typical rivalry, displaying vulnerability, trust, and a soulmate-like bond. The way they save and forgive each other, along with their unique understanding of one another’s experiences w Voldemort. Everything thus far suggests an extraordinary level of emotional intimacy that Harry doesn't even have with Ron. Ron and Harry are like, BFFs, but Draco is like the boyfriend/lover. Different types of closeness. They have a profound, unspoken connection where they are drawn to each other like moths to a flame, coupled with the significant moments shared between them.

In the main books, Harry went to fight Voldemort with Draco’s stolen wand that he didn’t officially win in a duel. Wands are a wizard’s heart & soul. And also Draco’s wand was unicorn-core, meaning it’s extremely loyal. Harry shouldn't have been able to get it to work, but Draco’s wand was friendly towards Harry, unlike Draco’s maniacal aunt Bellatrix’s wand. So, because Draco’s wand, along with Harry, defeated Voldemort, Harry was basically fighting Voldemort with Draco’s heart and soul. Aawweeeee. Gayeest battle lmao, and just like that, DRARRY saved the day/world! The wand was only friendly with Harry because it could sense that Draco truly cared for Harry…. 😏 In HPCC, Harry and Draco talk as friends for the first time, and Draco stops calling him 'Potter,' while never once using Ron's first name lol. Draco is also the only one able to get through to Harry on a topic that not even Ginny or McGonagall could. They bond and their moments together are so electric, unlike any other relationship in the play aside from their gay sons.

5. Touchy-Feely:

Rating: 2.5/5

There’s little physical touch beyond duels and Quidditch, where Draco’s physical attacks seem to have an undertone of excitement (like literally in HPCC.. where Harry used a tickle spell on Draco and also a dancing spell....LMAO XD like.. bruh... just ask him for dance lmao). Physical intimacy is minimal but emotionally charged. The touchiness is more indirect, stemming from aggressive physicality, but in the context of their obsession, it seems like Draco gets some satisfaction from the physical encounters. When Harry rescued Draco from the fiendfyre, Draco was “holding Harry so tightly it hurt” and shouting in his ear. ;) lmaoooo. How.... intimate.

While physical touch is minimal, the moments that do occur are emotionally charged and hold significance, particularly in the context of their interactions. Draco would always try to hit him during their Quidditch matches because he seemed to get off on any sort of touch with Harry. The touch is more about tension, aggression, and heightened emotion rather than tenderness, but it still conveys a sense of intimacy, especially in moments like the fiendfyre rescue.

6. How canon? 

Rating: 2/5

While Drarry is not canonically confirmed as a romantic relationship, the strong obsession, chemistry, and emotional intimacy make it a compelling interpretation for many. Their secret love is definitely real in their world, since JKR wrote them that way--as closet gays by total accident, but the official canon does not explicitly confirm their romantic connection. ;_;

Final Summary:

Chemistry: 5/5 ★★★★★

Obsession & Codependence: 5/5 ★★★★★

Sacrifices: 5/5 ★★★★★

Emotional Intimacy: 5/5 ★★★★★

Touchy-Feely: 2.5/5 ★★★☆☆

Canon? 2/5 ★★☆☆☆

Total: 4.08 out of 5 stars

3. Show: Hannigram--(Hannibal Lecter & Will Graham)

Pros:

Obsession & Codependence

Intimate Moments

Chemistry

Sacrifices

When asked about the relationship between Will and Hannibal: "For me, Hannibal has always been a romantic horror story. Even from the get-go of the series." ~Bryan Fuller (Creator)

Cons:

Not the touchiest duo in terms of physical affection—this is all about the mental, emotional, and psychological tango.

Chemistry: ★★★★★ 5/5 The chemistry between Hannibal and Will is both terrifying and compelling. Their intellectual sparring, emotional vulnerability, and seductive manipulation create a deep, electrifying connection. Even without explicit romantic actions, the tension between them is palpable in every scene, pulling them together in a destructive yet irresistible bond. Every glance or exchange feels weighted with unspoken desire. Their chemistry is magnetic and dangerous. Every scene between Will and Hannibal is charged with tension. Their chemistry builds on manipulation, psychological games, and seduction, creating a connection that feels as inevitable as it is destructive. Even without traditional romance or intimacy, their bond is electrifying and nearly impossible to look away from. Electrifying, built on mutual manipulation, psychological chess, and seduction.

Emotional Intimacy: ★★★★★ 5/5

Hannibal and Will's intimacy comes from their deep psychological connection rather than physical affection. Their relationship is built on understanding each other's darkest desires and fears, allowing them to share a closeness that few could replicate.

Though physical touch is rare, the sheer intensity of their mental and emotional intimacy makes their relationship profoundly intimate. While Will and Hannibal’s relationship isn't traditionally physical, their intimate moments are charged with emotional depth and psychological intensity. They share many intellectual exchanges that build the feeling of closeness. They even ‘adopt’ a daughter together and Hannibal planned to have them all run away together. They have an intense intellectual intimacy.

Obsession & Codependence: ★★★★★ 5/5 Hannigram is defined by mutual obsession. Hannibal’s fixation on Will is all-consuming, while Will is constantly torn between his own fascination and fear of Hannibal, creating a dark, codependent relationship where both seem incapable of letting go of each other. Their love becomes destructive but undeniable, spiraling into mutual obsession. They are unable to escape each other, deeply intertwined in a codependent relationship. Their unhealthy dependency elevates their connection to an extreme, spiraling into an all-or-nothing love that leaves no room for anything else in their lives. Off the charts! Hannibal’s love is an all-consuming, dangerous obsession. Will’s constant mental push-and-pull with Hannibal’s influence shows a deep, dark co-dependence.

Sacrifices: ★★★★★ 5/5

*SPOILERS FOR ENDING IN THIS SECTION OF SACRIFICES*

Both Will and Hannibal are willing to sacrifice everything for the other—morality, lives, innocence, and even their own sanity. By the end of the series, they are both willing to kill for each other (Hannibal even kills someone he loves deeply for Will), and the finale showcases that ultimate willingness to die together with the cliff scene—where they metaphorically and literally fall together—marking their ultimate sacrifice for their bond. It’s the kind of all-consuming bond where nothing is off-limits. Will sacrifices his sense of self. Hannibal sacrifices his plans, resources, and carefully cultivated image just for Will. Will, despite being a force for good, is willing to compromise his values, embrace darkness, and sacrifice the safety of others for Hannibal.

Touchy-Feely Levels: ★★★★☆ 4.5/5 They share many sensual moments that add to the relationship's intensity. When Hannibal and Will touch, it's brief but deeply charged, loaded with meaning. Not to mention, they almost kissed in the series finale! The physical touches between Will and Hannibal are subtle yet charged with deep emotional and psychological intensity. These touches include Hannibal’s caring, almost possessive gestures like touching Will's face during so-called “medical examinations,” symbolic dream sequences where they merge together, and the highly intimate moments like when Hannibal cradles a wounded Will or helps him to his feet after a fight. They excel in emotional and psychological closeness, and when the physical aspect is present, it feels like an event—transformative, even. While not overly frequent, these moments reflect their complex, entwined relationship, blending care, control, and fascination.

Their almost-kiss:

How Canon: ★★★★★

Creator Bryan Fuller has confirmed that Hannibal was always meant to be a romantic horror story, and the series shows that explicitly by the end. The romantic subtext becomes full-on text, particularly in the final two seasons, with both Will and Hannibal entangled in a twisted, deadly love story. There’s no ambiguity here—by the end, their love is openly acknowledged by the characters, even if it manifests in the most dangerous of ways.

Final Summary:

Chemistry: 5/5 ★★★★★

Emotional Intimacy: 5/5 ★★★★★

Obsession & Codependence: 5/5 ★★★★★

Sacrifices: 5/5 ★★★★★

Touchy-Feely Levels: 4.5/5 ★★★★☆

How Canon:  5/5 ★★★★★ 

Total: 4.91 stars out of 5.

4. Show: Supernatural--Destiel (Dean Winchester & Castiel)

Pros:

Sacrifices 

Chemistry

Obsession & Codependence

Intimate Moments

Cons:

*Spoilers for the end*

Dean’s side of things is a little more ambiguous despite Cas’s confession. Plus, they never fully addressed it beyond that.

1. Chemistry: ★★★★★

Level: 5/5

*SPOILERS*

The chemistry between Dean and Cas is electrifying, built on years of longing, emotional tension, and deep connection. They have 12 seasons of unresolved tension, with countless lingering looks and longing stares, moments of vulnerability, and emotional conversations. It's the kind of chemistry that often leaves viewers wondering why they haven't kissed yet. The show builds their interactions like a slow-burn romance that plays on subtlety and emotional depth, though it’s more about their soulful connection than physical. Cas’s confession solidifies what fans had known for years: that their bond went beyond simple friendship. The way Dean and Cas interact, often like a long-term couple with unresolved feelings, makes their chemistry undeniable, even though it took seasons for the show to confirm it outright.

Literally all the characters thought they had a thing for each other. LOL. Many joke that they are boyfriends and "attached at the hips."

2. Emotional Intimacy: ★★★★★

Level: 5/5

Their emotional intimacy is high-level. They are a very serious couple with deep emotional issues that they have to sort out. (Like long-term husbands do. V_V) This ship is a deeper/more serious pairing for sure, though they do have moments of humor. Dean allows Cas into his guarded heart, which is no small feat, and Cas is always there for Dean through every moment of vulnerability. Their deep conversations and emotional moments reveal layers of feelings that go beyond mere friendship. We finally got the canon confirmation of Cas’s love for Dean after over a decade of so-very-obvious pining, making the relationship feel even more profound and intimate.

3. Obsession & Codependence: ★★★★☆

Level: 4/5

Dean and Castiel’s relationship is incredibly co-dependent. Cas literally falls from heaven for Dean and sacrifices everything—his family, his angelic duties, even his life—multiple times for him. Dean is deeply torn between his responsibilities and his feelings for Cas. They constantly come back to one another after fights and disagreements (where 95% of the time, Dean is in the wrong), with Dean repeatedly apologizing and choosing Cas, and of course, Cas always is very willing to take him back and accept his apology, even after this one time when he beat Cas to a bloody pulp and almost stabbed Cas to death. Dean later got flashbacks of this, as it traumatized him. (Dean was not in a good place. He was battling the Mark of Cain, which he willingly took on to save the world, as he, being so selfless and self-sacrificing, tends to do.) Their obsession with each other drives many of the show's conflicts, creating an undeniable codependency. They often live/travel together and are total husbands! Their lives revolve around each other. They (along with Sam) raise an adopted newborn son together in their bunker/permanent home, and the son calls them his “three dads.” 🥺 Very domestic! (Their infant son is 2 by series finale but chose to come into the world in the body of a 27-year-old man—the same age as Jensen/Dean in season one, because he knew otherwise he wouldn't be safe. GOOD CALL!) The only reason they lose a star is because Dean will always put his brother Sam above all else, so Cas will never truly be his number one. Meanwhile, Cas’s entire character arc revolves around Dean, while Dean is constantly torn between the mission and his feelings for Cas.

4. Sacrifices: ★★★★☆

*SPOILERS FOR THE END IN THIS SECTION*

Level: 4/5

Cas repeatedly sacrifices everything, including his angelic status, heaven, his powers, his family, and eventually, his life, all for Dean. Dean, in turn, sacrifices his emotional barriers, constantly letting Cas in despite the risks to his heart. Dean shows sacrifice in his emotional openness. Cas’s ultimate sacrifice, confessing his love and then dying whilst saving Dean’s life, is the culmination of years of devotion. Castiel’s sacrifices are larger in scale than Dean's, often costing Cas everything. Castiel's arc is defined by his devotion to Dean, making him one of the most selfless characters in the series. Cas literally died for Dean—multiple times. Cas throws away all of heaven/his family that he’s known since the beginning of time all for Dean. Dean has repeatedly shown emotional vulnerability and trust towards Cas, which is significant given Dean’s mega-guarded ‘macho’ nature. This emotional openness often puts Dean at risk of emotional pain and betrayal (Dean has secretly cried many times over Cas, and this man doesn't cry!) Dean has said that he considers praying to be begging, but yet he prays to Cas all the time, especially when they can't be together, or are in the middle of an argument and are physically separated. Dean’s dedication to Cas sometimes strained his relationships with others, including his brother Sam, and led to conflicts. But because Cas’s sacrifices are far more extreme and Dean’s sacrifices are much less, they get 4 stars. Ultimately, Cas overwhelmingly sacrifices more with much less in return.

5. Touchy-Feely Levels: ★★★☆☆ 3.5/5

Level: 3.5/5

Dean and Cas have an intense emotional connection, and although they aren't the most physically affectionate, there are a number of moments of close physical proximity, like when they hug (which they do five times!), or their many lingering touches, pats on backs or shoulders, eyesex, longing stares, one time Cas even showed up on Dean's car naked and covered in bees (LOL), but they lack the constant hand-holding and easy constant physical affection or constant physical proximity that might we see with some other slash ships. This is likely due to the show’s ambiguity surrounding Dean’s feelings. Their relationship thrives on emotional and psychological closeness, rather than touch. Their connection is more about the soul than the body, though the longing gazes certainly count! 

6. Canon?: ★★★★★ 5/5

*SPOILERS IN THIS WHOLE SECTION*

Cas’s love for Dean is explicitly confirmed, which cements the ship as canon from Cas’s perspective. While Dean doesn’t reciprocate in words, his emotional reaction and devastation suggest strong feelings of reciprocation. Dean’s side remains just slightly ambiguous onscreen (us shippers see it plain AS DAY especially with all the parallels to them being an epic romance!), and Misha Collins (Castiel) was quick to confirm that:

"Dean was always too shocked in the moment to respond." ~Misha Collins

While the show stops just short of fully embracing the romance, the confession is a pivotal, iconic moment. The confession remains one of the most iconic moments in the show.

Final Rankings:

Chemistry: 5/5 ★★★★★  

Emotional Intimacy: 5/5 ★★★★★ 

Obsession & Codependence: 4/5 ★★★★☆ 

Sacrifices: 4/5 ★★★★☆ 

Touchy-Feely Levels: 3.5/5 ★★★☆☆ 

Canon? 5/5 ★★★★★ 

Total: 4.41 stars out of 5

5. Anime: Banana Fish: Asheiji (Ash & Eiji)

Pros:

Themes of Healing and Redemption

Tons of Emotional Intimacy

Obsession/Codependence

Many Sacrifices

Loads of Chemistry

Cons:

Lack of Explicit Physical Canonization: While the emotional bond is undeniable, the relationship is never physically explicit in the traditional sense. For fans looking for more open romance or physical intimacy between characters, the lack of canonized romantic development might feel unsatisfying.

Ratings:

Touchy-Feely Levels: ★★★☆☆ 3.5/5 stars

They have notable moments of physical closeness, such as tender/supportive hugs and the kiss that totally took Eiji by surprise (to pass a secret note to him), when Eiji helps get Ash into the shower, and they occasionally touch lightly, but it's not the primary focus of their relationship. Their bond is more about emotional connection and shared experiences.

Emotional Intimacy: ★★★★★ 5/5 stars

Extremely high levels of emotional intimacy. Their relationship is built on deep emotional support and understanding, making it a core aspect of their connection. Ash and Eiji share a profound emotional bond that transcends traditional definitions of friendship or romance. Eiji represents a source of light and peace in Ash’s dark, violent world, while Ash becomes Eiji’s protector and emotional anchor. This deep emotional intimacy is one of the most compelling aspects of their relationship. Ash allows himself to be vulnerable around Eiji in ways that he does with no one else. Eiji becomes the only person Ash trusts entirely. Eiji feels safe with Ash, even when surrounded by danger, showing how much faith he has in Ash's abilities and care. Eiji symbolizes hope and healing for Ash, offering him a chance to escape his tragic life. Their relationship serves as a narrative of redemption, as Ash, who is accustomed to violence and manipulation, finds unconditional love and acceptance in Eiji. Their love, while not super explicit, is often interpreted as deeply romantic by fans due to the intense emotions they share. Their relationship transcends labels, making it a beautiful representation of love in its purest form—one that defies societal conventions. Their emotional connection is profound. Ash and Eiji share a deep bond characterized by mutual support, understanding, and a strong emotional connection. Their intimacy is central to their relationship.

Obsession/Codependence: ★★★★★ 5/5 stars

Asheiji involves strong codependence with significant emotional impact. Their connection is deeply entwined, and they are both obsessed with each other to the extreme. All Ash can think about is Eiji, which leads to enormous consequences. Eiji for his part, loves Ash and obsesses over him endlessly. They demonstrate a significant level of codependence. Ash and Eiji are deeply intertwined in each other's lives, and their relationship profoundly affects their actions and decisions.

Sacrifices: ★★★★★ 5/5 stars

They make notable sacrifices for each other, showing dedication and commitment. Their sacrifices are substantial. Ash was willing to send Eiji away for his own safety despite Eiji being the only light in his life, but Eiji didn’t go, risking his life by choosing to stay. They’ve both put their lives directly in danger for the other. Both characters make considerable sacrifices for each other. Ash’s actions are often influenced by his desire to protect and be with Eiji, while Eiji shows remarkable dedication and commitment, despite the dangerous circumstances. Eiji takes care of Ash when he’s unwell or hurt. At one point, Ash tried to shoot himself dead to protect Eiji but unbeknownst to him, there were no bullets in the gun. Eiji jumped in front of a bullet for Ash once, landing him in the hospital. Ash’s fierce protectiveness over Eiji is a central element of the ship. This dynamic creates powerful, emotional moments throughout Banana Fish, where Ash goes to extreme lengths to ensure Eiji’s safety, showcasing the true depth of his feelings.

Chemistry: ★★★★★ 5/5 stars Their chemistry is compelling, with a blend of tenderness and intensity that defines their relationship. They are magnetic, built on emotional vulnerability, trust, and a shared experience that pulls them together in powerful, often understated ways. Their chemistry is notable, with a mix of emotional depth and connection that drives the narrative. Their interactions are charged with both tenderness and intensity.

How Canon?: ★★★★★ 5/5 stars

Their relationship is confirmed as canon by the creator, making it a deeply acknowledged romantic connection. It was heavy subtext in the anime, but in the manga Garden of Light, it became explicit. While not explicitly sexual, it is recognized as a deep, romantic soulmate connection.

In the manga, Sing Soo-Ling (creator) states in the short story “Garden of Light” that they truly loved each other and were soulmates.

Final summary:

Touchy-Feely Levels: 3.5/5 ★★★☆☆ 

Emotional Intimacy: 5/5 ★★★★★ 

Obsession/Codependence: 5/5 ★★★★★

Sacrifices: 5/5 ★★★★★ 

Chemistry: 5/5 ★★★★★  

How Canon?: 5/5 ★★★★★ 

Total:  4.75 out of 5 stars

6. Merthur (Merlin & Arthur Pendragon) 

Pros:

Extremely Touchy-Feely

Sacrifices 

Chemistry

Obsession & Codependence

“I think it’s a love story, it absolutely is a love story.”  ~Julian Murphy (creator)

Cons:

It quietly went canon, with no obvious love declaration or successful kiss onscreen.

Chemistry: ★★★★★ 5/5 stars The chemistry between Merlin and Arthur is undeniable and electric, with an unspoken bond that far surpasses all other relationships, including their other romantic ones. Their banter, loyalty, and constant presence in each other’s lives create a compelling and often flirtatious dynamic. Arthur lights up around Merlin in a way he never does with anyone else, including his wife, Gwen. The high school AU vibes are real—they bicker, laugh, have a deep emotional connection, and have an undeniable pull towards each other. The tension between them, combined with their loyalty and the way they light up around each other, creates an undeniable spark that draws viewers in. Their palpable tension makes their relationship feel very much like a secret castle romance, which is what it basically was as confirmed in the commentary. Their unspoken understanding and constant presence in each other’s lives create a chemistry that’s magnetic and endearing. Unspoken yet undeniable. Well, others speak of their bond, just not them most of the time (though in their intimate moments, they do, too!) Like Princess Mithian once commented saying to Merlin, "Arthur values your opinion above almost all others."

And after seeing them together for only a few days, Merlin's mother says:

The great dragon Kilgharrah has always said that they're two sides of the same coin, and that they make each other whole. So it's confirmed that they're soulmates, literally half of each other. Their bond is one of loyalty, humor, and an endless, deep connection. They are like a cutesy/angsty high school AU of secret gay boyfriends. The whole castle is aware of Merlin’s ‘other woman’ status and they treat him as such. 

2. Emotional Intimacy:  ★★★★★ 5/5 stars

Merlin and Arthur’s relationship is defined by an unbreakable bond that transcends friendship, with deep emotional intimacy, playful chemistry, and mutual reliance. They constantly bicker, but their loyalty to each other is unwavering, with Merlin secretly sacrificing everything to protect Arthur, while Arthur depends on Merlin for emotional support and guidance, often treating him as more than just a manservant. However, the secret of Merlin’s magic creates a subtle yet significant barrier in their relationship. While Merlin sacrifices everything for Arthur, he can never fully trust him with the truth about his identity. This adds complexity to their bond, highlighting how the political climate of Camelot and Merlin’s fear of rejection prevents their relationship from reaching its fullest potential of emotional honesty. Merlin’s secrecy prevents the relationship from being entirely transparent, meaning Arthur doesn't fully know who Merlin is. While Merlin harbors this secret, Arthur bares his entire soul to Merlin, his best friend, and tells him everything. He trusts Merlin with his life, and Merlin trusts him (aside from the magic part). This limitation keeps them from achieving the ultimate level of emotional closeness, despite their otherwise strong connection. From lingering gazes (SO MUCH EYESEX--there's 23 minutes of eyesex in a 65 episode show), and shared vulnerabilities (Merlin does share his vulnerabilities with Arthur, just not the magic), their connection feels deeply personal. They are each other's #1 best friend. These moments go far beyond any other relationship either has in the show, creating a profound, unspoken closeness that is intimate in both the emotional and physical sense. Arthur tells Merlin everything, unlike with his sweet wife Gwen. He is able to truly be himself around Merlin. For Arthur, due to the way he was raised, everything has an order. With Gwen, he is always super formal/polite. Basically, she is not his friend. He has put her squarely in the "wife" category. Merlin is supposed to be put in "servant" category but Merlin becomes his actual dearest best friend, a category none of his knights touch, since his knights are put in "knights" category. He expects his knights to die for him, he expects Gwen to always be supportive & loving. He expected Merlin to listen to him and respect him, but Merlin is, as Arthur puts it, "Well, you've been terrible. I mean it. Worst servant I've ever had." Even being such a terrible servant, Arthur refuses to fire him, even upset when Merlin goes missing so they find an actual GOOD & perfect servant, George (who hilariously even dresses up as Merlin).

So as Merlin keeps from Arthur the most vital thing about himself, Arthur confides in him more than anyone else, showing trust and vulnerability that he doesn't share even with his wife. He calls Merlin his friend. For context of how special this is, he doesn't even consider his knights his friends.. Even in season 4 finale (14 episodes from the series finale) he told Merlin that Merlin was still his "only friend." The physical comfort and emotional intensity between them, along with creator and cast commentary referring to their relationship as a love story, suggest that their bond is romantic in nature, even if it was never fully confirmed on-screen. Even though for most of the show, Merlin keeps such a vital part of himself from Arthur, since in the end, he did reveal himself (& I'm rating based off of how the relationship left off), these two get a full 5 stars.

3. Obsession & Codependence:  ★★★★★ 5/5 stars

Merlin and Arthur are inseparable, spending almost every moment together. Arthur relies on Merlin for everything, from making major decisions to simply getting dressed in the mornings (I truly wonder how he did this before Merlin. One time when Merlin was gone, Arthur had to ask the Court Physician for help with putting on a shirt & he ended up getting stuck in it, then ripped the shirt......... -______-;). As his wife Gwen was helping him with his armor, Arthur said, sounding very frustrated and like a petulant toddler, "I want Merlin back. Where is he?" ;u; Merlin feels the need to follow Arthur everywhere, even while gravely injured. Merlin was still begging not to be taken back home despite barely being able to speak, but thankfully after Lancelot took Merlin and the two made their way back, Merlin was able to heal himself midway. Then he and Lancelot caught up with Arthur and the other knights again!

Arthur relies on Merlin more than any other person, often over his more experienced knights or even his wife. Their bond is so strong it becomes unhealthy. Their trust and devotion to one another are undeniable. Arthur’s dependence is extreme. Arthur literally takes Merlin on his dates with him and Gwen and even had Merlin hide behind curtains for when he proposed to Gwen. -______-; This is NOT NORMAL. That song "Me you and Steve" is literally THEM (and comments all agreed that animatic is basically the show in a nutshell--it even uses actual show scenes)! Poor Gwen. ;u; Arthur couldn't remember the anniversary of his wedding even though Merlin reminded him the day before, and also, regarding his courting of Gwen:

"He sends Merlin to gather flowers for her, to prepare the date for them, etc. It's not genuine, and this is a boring and chemistry-less relationship. I especially laughed when there was a plot of Gwen being basically replaced by an evil twin. Merlin noticed it almost right away while Arthur didn't, even though they spent weeks together, sharing a bed, having conversations, and so on. He didn't realize the love of his life was replaced!" ~K_S_Morgan

The fact that Arthur instantly knows when Merlin is upset but doesn't notice that his wife hates him for weeks.... He noticed and counted how many days since Merlin smiled! This King has priorities I guess…. LMAO! It shows he's not super oblivious, he just pays attention to things he cares about..... Whenever Merlin is more withdrawn, Arthur always notices and tries to cheer him up. He clearly wouldn't notice if it was Gwen.

You know who would have most definitely noticed 100%? Lancelot!!! Lancelot loved Gwen like Arthur could never. *now I'm trying to not cry* Lancelot and Gwen were soulmates in the same way Merlin and Arthur were. Lancelot would've put her first in all things he did. He was loyal to Arthur because of Merlin, so he would've most definitely put her above ALL else if they'd been allowed to be together. But the show forced her character to stay with Arthur, a gay man, simply because that's the way it was in the legends. Otherwise, the showrunners put zero effort into making their love story believable. It was obvious the aim of the show wasn’t Arthur/Gwen, but Merthur. They said it themselves. They showed a bit of Gwen/Arthur because it is an important part of the legend, but otherwise, that was it. No effort otherwise. Such a disservice to their characters.

Once, when Arthur was on a nice romantic picnic date with Gwen, he told her that he always wanted to run far away from Camelot....... and then he said, "Of course, I'd take Merlin with me." WHAT THE ACTUAL FLUCK. He never once implies she would go with him. Who says this to their date? ???? ??????????? Its just common courtesy to say at least your date can go too lool. but he was not having it XD Once she's queen, all the courting is out (because he was doing such a stellar job at that lol). He settles into the boring married couple routine, and season 5 is also when all gay breaks loose. (He and Gwen got married in the last episode of season 4.)

Arthur and Merlin’s obsession with each other is off the charts. Arthur listens to Merlin more than anyone else. Merlin stopped Arthur from marrying Princess Elena after Gwen, who Arthur was in the talking stage with at the time, tried unsuccessfully to stop it. Literally one word from Merlin was all it took for Arthur to stand the princess up at the alter. 😐 Arthur’s reliance on Merlin is intense, and they clearly cannot bear to be apart. This is Sam/Dean Winchester-on-steriods codependence. Their bond is a constant force in the show, making it central to the plot and their lives.

They are utterly devoted to one another, and Arthur trusts Merlin more than anyone else. These two spent BY FAR the most time together of all mentioned ships. They could not live w/o each other, codependent to extremely unhealthy levels. They had to spend practically every moment together good grief. Very angry/upset when apart for even just a day. Especially Arthur. Arthur is always shouting at Merlin to be next to him when he notices Merlin has lagged behind, even when they're in the castle, and Merlin would roll his eyes but have the biggest most dopey grin and run after him. They are always at each other's sides, even on epic quests that require Arthur to go  "alone and unaided." Merlin is like an extension of himself, ofc Merlin would go! LOL. If I could, I'd give them 10 out of 5 stars for obsession tbh.

*SPOILERS FOR THE END* Arthur literally cannot function without Merlin. His obsession with Merlin's presence, combined with Merlin’s unwavering loyalty, creates an intensely close and often codependent dynamic. In many ways, Merlin needs Arthur too, and without Arthur, Merlin just wanders until he's able to be with Arthur again, no matter how many hundreds or thousands of years pass. Merlin will wander around that same lake where he put Arthur to rest. ;~; If that's not codependent, I DON'T KNOW WHAT IS! Not to mention, in that lake/Avalon, Arthur is just waiting for Merlin to need him again so that he can come back to life. CODEPENDENT TO A TEE! Merlin is 100% dependent on Arthur to feel whole again, because canonically, they are two halves of the same coin.

4. Sacrifices: ★★★★★ 5/5 stars

Both Merlin and Arthur make profound sacrifices for each other that go beyond typical devotion. Merlin sacrifices everything—his entire life’s purpose, dreams, chance at a normal life, his humanity—all for Arthur, consistently putting Arthur’s safety above his own happiness, goals, and desires to end the ban on magic (lifting the ban was supposed to be more important than Arthur, his ultimate goal of the series was to lift the ban in order to unite all of Albion, but Merlin never got the memo). Merlin sacrifices his emotional well-being by living in secrecy even though it causes him personal pain.

Arthur, in return, sacrifices his pride, royal expectations, a sense of propriety, and adherence to social norms by elevating Merlin to a position of trust and power that goes far beyond what is appropriate in the class-strict society they live in. Arthur often treats Merlin as his equal and his life partner despite the massive class divide. The level of trust and emotional vulnerability Arthur shows toward Merlin is profound, especially in trusting him with decisions that even his knights and advisors don’t influence, showing how much he is willing to sacrifice for their bond. Arthur was willing to sacrifice everything his father had warned him about magic and lift the ban, if only Merlin had agreed (naturally he asked Merlin for his opinion on such a serious topic)! But unfortunately, since Merlin thought doing so would cost Arthur his life, Merlin with great sadness, said that all magic was evil. 

Arthur’s vulnerability and complete trust in Merlin challenged everything he was raised to believe, and Merlin consistently chose Arthur over his own needs. This was the ultimate demonstration of mutual sacrifice.

One time Arthur was forced to order Merlin back to Camelot bc Merlin couldn't even walk due to his injuries. Arthur was not happy about having to send him away and seemed pretty distraught, eyes red-rimmed and tearful. Arthur almost abandoned the quest, even though one of his knights reminded him that if they abandoned the quest, hundreds more would perish. If not for Lancelot offering to take Merlin back, Arthur would have abandoned the quest, sacrificing hundreds of his people's lives, all for Merlin! When Arthur finds out the truth about Merlin’s magic, he wasn’t angry about the illegal magic, he was only hurt that Merlin felt he couldn’t trust him. Despite the imbalance in the scale of sacrifices, both characters show an overwhelming willingness to give up significant parts of themselves for the sake of the other (if Arthur had known about the magic sooner, he would’ve been able to do his part in sacrificing more for Merlin). Merlin constantly sacrifices everything for Arthur. Arthur sacrifices his royal status by treating Merlin as a trusted confidant/"husband"/"other woman", so much so that his actual wife becomes more like the mother he never had (he gives her chaste kisses, doesn't let her truly in like he does Merlin. At one point she casually says, "Arthur never tells me anything.”) Merlin, a mere servant, starts ordering the knights around as early as season 2, something that only the ‘other woman’ would ever be able to do! This swapping of roles challenges social norms and his strict upbringing, where his father drills it into his head that royalty cannot consort with those of lower rank. This bond often puts Arthur in vulnerable positions where he places Merlin’s advice above that of his much more experienced knights and advisors, despite the fact that Arthur is always calling Merlin an idiot. If idiot, why listen to all major decisions? Arthur is clearly smitten. 

*SPOILERS FROM HERE ON OUT IN THIS SECTION*

The final sacrifices they both make: Merlin waits over a thousand years, five hundred for Arthur to rise again for him, since after 1500+ years, Merlin's the last remaining piece of Albion. And Arthur is in Avalon, waiting for the day Merlin will finally need him again. 😭 (In the show, they have ghosts, & Merlin put Arthur’s body in the lake with Freya, whom Merlin was still able to talk to now and then.)

5. Touchy-Feely Levels: ★★★★★ 5/5 stars

There’s a clear sense of physical comfort between the two that you don’t even see in Arthur’s canonical romantic relationships. The contrast between Arthur's comfort with Merlin versus his awkwardness around his wife Gwen suggests that Merlin and Arthur share a deeper physical comfort level.

Merlin and Arthur's "touchy-feely" levels are high, with frequent touches--from regularly bathing Arthur to falling asleep next to him, moments of deep physical proximity, like humping each other while making highly suggestive noises then falling asleep curled up together in that net, constant touching through roughhousing, close physical proximity, and they even held hands a total of six times (in 1 scene, it was 4 times in one setting as they were fleeing). Even though they only hug once (Merlin: "Hugging is… for amateurs?" Lmao. Versus what else they do, yes, yes, *Arthur cracks his knuckles* Arthur: "Hugging very much is for amateurs!"), with constant physical contact reinforcing their emotional connection, their touchy-feely levels are some of the highest (all they need to do now is copulate tbh 🥴 which they will guarantee do once Arthur is out of Avalon and back with Merlin!)

Here they humped each other to sleep (the close-up shots were super sexual too, but I wanted to post this panned-out view so yall can see what they were really doing):

^Merlin needed to get some keys so he decided the best way was to pull Arthur's pants down. LOL. The fandom collectively agrees he didn't really need to lick his lips, pull Arthur's pants down, and wrestle him in front of the council to get them........

Merlin also bathes Arthur regularly. We have zero canon proof other than assumptions that his wife's ever even seen him naked... Cue the scene where he walks out naked expecting Merlin but sees Gwen, his actual fiance, and the first thing he says is (notice he's covering himself with a pillow presumably because she's never seen him unclothed):

And then afterward, he basically runs away. He isn't a teenager but a grown ass man. Gwen is supposedly his "one true love." Make it make sense. He used to always sleep shirtless but once he married her, he only slept with his shirt on…… How.. strange. It’s really no wonder Gwen never got pregnant in all the four years they were together. There's a random rumor that she was infertile, but I've watched the show multiple times and never is this supposed "infertility" mentioned (if it was, I'd know). I think they simply were not sleeping together due to the king being a flaming homosexual for his manservant. (literally who is surprised?) Merlin & Arthur only hug once throughout the series, but the other things they do more than makeup for their lack of hugs. Oh, & Arthur is absolutely fixated on Merlin's butt and Merlin is fixated on Arthur's crotch.... (I have pages of tags just of all the times these two were fixated on one another's butts & crotches..) These two have serious issues and need to just fuck it out already.

and it's like, "Merlin, my eyes are up here" (but why such a bulge???)

^Pantless Arthur's like, 'Stop checking out my cock, now lemme see dat ass. ;)' Sometimes I can't believe this is a real show.

6. How Canon?: ★★★★★ 5 of 5 stars

*SPOILERS IN THIS SECTION*

The romantic subtext is undeniable and supported by cast and creator commentary confirming the love story. In the very last episode, Arthur mouthed 'I love you' along with the two almost-kisses (first time they were staring at each other's lips & the show's default romantic theme song was playing in the background--music choices are always intentional; second time Arthur was dying & he tried tugging Merlin's face in, but he died mid-kiss).

^they were staring at each other's lips and the show's default romance theme song was playing.. This was also the final episode, & afterward, the showrunners confirmed they were a love story.

Julian Murphy, one of the creators, openly refers to the relationship as a “love story between two men,” to which Katie McGrath (Morgana) responded, “You maybe just confirmed what a lot of people [shippers] thought.”

Alexander Vlahos (Mordred) referred to their love as a "brilliant love story" and an official ad for the DVD boxed set said, "There's much to recommend about this mythical hokum, but it's the droll, sweet love story between Arthur and Merlin that compels in the BBC's excellent fantasy series." Droll means 'funny' so it was essentially calling the show a romcom between Merlin & Arthur. 😂 Which perfectly describes it, actually!

Summary:

Chemistry: ★★★★★ (5/5 stars) Emotional Intimacy:  ★★★★★ (5/5 stars) Obsession & Codependence:  ★★★★★ (5/5 stars) Sacrifices: ★★★★★ (5/5 stars) Touchy-Feely Levels: ★★★★★ (5/5 stars) How Canon?: ★★★★★ (5/5 stars)

Total: 5 out of 5 stars

7. Scorbus (Scorpius Malfoy & Albus Potter)

Based on the new script developments:

Pros:

Deep Emotional Bond

Mutual Dependence

Intimate Moments

Affectionate Banter and Chemistry

Queer-Coded Subtext

“One of the most notable changes is the shift in the relationship between Scorpius and Albus from a close friendship to a romantic one, making 'Scorbus' canon. John Tiffany, the director of the play, has been involved in these updates…”

Cons:

Not Fully Canonized:

While the emotional bond between Scorpius and Albus is incredibly strong, it is never explicitly confirmed as romantic in the play itself. This can be frustrating for fans who wish for a more overt romantic resolution or confession, especially given the chemistry between them.

Albus’s Emotional Immaturity:

Albus is a more emotionally volatile character compared to Scorpius. He can sometimes be reckless, brooding, and push away those closest to him, including Scorpius. This emotional immaturity occasionally creates tension between them and could be seen as a barrier to a healthy romantic relationship.

Viewings inconsistent:

The play can change depending on the night or how the actors feel a certain day. Because of this, you never know what could happen on any given day, which means that the Scorbus might be amazing (like an almost-kiss) or it may be more toned down and not include that.

Touchy-Feely Levels: ★★★★☆ 4 of 5 stars

The way they prioritize each other gives strong undertones of romantic affection. They share moments of physical closeness, such as hugging, forehead touches, very occasional hand-holding, and other comforting touches, that emphasize their romantic friendship and emotional bond.  In some viewings, Albus is seen to almost kiss Scorpius but Scorpius is always oblivious to this and moves away!

2. Emotional Intimacy: ★★★★★ 5 of 5 stars

They are extremely close and are each other’s #1. They comfort each other during difficult times and tell each other everything. They share everything, providing each other with comfort and support. Their deep emotional bond is a key component of their relationship. Their bond is characterized by deep emotional intimacy and affection, which are key elements of a romantic friendship. They provide each other with significant emotional support throughout the play.  Scorpius and Albus continue to share a very deep emotional connection. They are each other's confidants, supporting one another through personal struggles—Albus' difficult relationship with Harry and Scorpius' grief over his mother and the rumors surrounding his lineage. Albus' refusal to abandon Scorpius in times of crisis continue to be strong indicators of their connection.

3. Obsession/Codependence: ★★★★★ 5 of 5 stars Their bond is intense and inseparable with significant emotional dependency. They exhibit classic signs of codependency, feeling deeply affected by any separation. They are consistently the most important person in one another’s lives. Their bond is intense, much like classic codependent ships. They both cry when they’re no longer allowed to be close, despite being 14 years old (too old for this kind of behavior, honestly. I mean, can you see Ron and Harry behaving like this during their 4th year..? Because quite frankly, I can’t.) They share an emotional bond, which is an essential part of their journey. They rely on each other for emotional support, making their friendship the most important relationship in the play. Their relationship is a bit codependent, especially since Albus tends to rely heavily on Scorpius for emotional support. Their closeness is endearing, heavily relying on each other for validation and comfort.

Actual line from play:

4. Sacrifices: ★★★★☆ 4 of 5 stars They are willing to make significant sacrifices for each other’s well-being, including risking their safety and affecting each other's lives through time-traveling adventures. Scorpius sacrifices a lot more for Albus though. He allows Albus to rant about his dad, all the while, he’d just lost his mother. Scorpius follows Albus blindly into immense danger because he loves him so much. Albus sacrifices a good relationship with his father to keep seeing Scorpius. Ultimately, they’re both willing to risk everything for each other, but because Scorpius sacrifices quite a bit more, they get 4 stars.

5. Chemistry: ★★★★★ 5 of 5 stars Their chemistry is undeniable with a lot of emotional depth and moments of longing and vulnerability. Sparks fly at every sweet interaction between the two completely fluffy boys. The tension is less physical and more about their shared experiences and emotional vulnerability with each other. Their banter, affection, and overall chemistry carry through. Their interactions are filled with humor and warmth, which gives their relationship a unique charm compared to others in the series.

6. How Canon?: ★★★★★ 5 of 5 stars

Their feelings are confirmed by the playwrights and the script changes suggest romantic implications, including how Albus even comes out to his dad in the end confirming his love for Scorpius. The playwrights have said that the only reason they're not in a relationship is due to their ages (the characters are in 4th year whilst most romance in Harry Potter happens in 6th year). The playwright has stated that the queerness is very real. This is a queer high school love story in its early stages. ❤️ It's heavily implied that they oh-so-obviously got married (because in HP, marrying one's high school sweetheart is the norm) & therefore (& I'm sure they will just be thrilled!) Harry and Draco will be related through marriage at last (though not exactly in the way I want). 🫨

Overall Summary: 

Physical Intimacy: ★★★★☆ (4/5)

Emotional Intimacy: ★★★★★ (5/5)

Obsession/Codependence: ★★★★★ (5/5)

Sacrifices: ★★★★☆ (4/5)

Chemistry: ★★★★★ (5/5)

How Canon?: ★★★★★ (5/5)

Total: 4.66 / 5 stars

FINAL WINNERS (decided ties based on how on-screen the canon material was + how much trauma was endured):

WINNER: 

🥇 Merthur Takes the Crown! 👑✨🎉

(Arthur Pendragon x Merlin - Merlin)

🏆🎉 All Hail the Kings of Gaydom! 🎉🏆

^Just fuckin kiss already dear gods.

In an epic showdown of ships, where love transcends timelines, magic, and destiny itself, Merthur has claimed the crown as the Gayest Ship in our tournament! 🌈💖

Ok, so this is my OTP, but I really was being partial!!

This ship truly has the full package:

Devotion spanning thousands of years. (The only ship of the list this canonically applies to.)

Humor (the show was labeled a "romcom between Merlin & Arthur" by that aforementioned ad).

Playfulness (lots of boyish roughhousing because Arthur's a jock who likes to mess with his dorky nerdy boyfriend who was 16 in the pilot episode--these two were young!)

Never-ending loyalty

Life/death sacrifices

MOST OBSESSIVE SHIP!!!! (like, way more than Wincest, which is saying something. 👀)

MOST SEXUAL SCENES. 💦 This ship is most definitely the ship with the most sexual/touchy-feely scenes (which is why I have so many gifs of them doing sexual stuff.... I can't find those gifs for the other ships except Hannigram maybe?), which always ups their chemistry. ;)

Tears. So many tears. From us, from them. This is such a tearful and powerfully poignant ship of epic proportions.

Makes you feel good because they are SO FUN together! Their dynamic is extremely entertaining to watch.

From birth—Arthur and Merlin were destined to be soulmates. Whether it's Merlin saving Arthur's life (for the hundredth time!) or Arthur secretly cherishing every snarky comment and stolen glance, their bond is the definition of legendary. Their love, though unspoken in so many ways, has always been undeniable to us and the rest of the castle (knights and all--EVERYONE noticed, even visiting royals). We all saw through every swordfight and sassy banter to the truest love story of the series. ✨

This win celebrates their journey from servant and prince to something so much deeper. Through battles, quests, betrayals, and everything Camelot threw at them, they always prioritized each other, proving that magic isn’t the only powerful force—it’s love. 💫

Congratulations to Merthur for showing us that destiny was never just about a kingdom—it was about the undeniable connection between two hearts. Let the celebrations in Camelot begin!

Long live the once and future kings of gay ships! 👑🌈

Runner Up: 

🥈💀 Hannigram: Dark, Delicious, and Dangerously Close to Victory!

(Hannibal Lecter x Will Graham – Hannibal)

🔪✨ They love each other... to death. ✨🔪

They say love is a dangerous game, and no one plays it quite like Hannibal Lecter and Will Graham. In our tournament of ships, the twisted, tantalizing bond of Hannigram slashed its way to a close second, proving once again that darkness and desire make one hell of a pairing! 🌹🔪

From mind games to dinner dates (where the menu is… questionable 🍽️👀), the chemistry between these two transcends morality, sanity, and the human heart. It's a dance of obsession, control, and unrelenting affection—one that left us all on the edge of our seats, breathless and horrified in equal measure.

While their love may be unconventional, what could be more intoxicating than two minds so perfectly, terrifyingly in sync? It’s a relationship where murder, manipulation, and unspoken devotion go hand in hand—and we wouldn’t have it any other way. 🖤

Hats off to Hannigram for being the ultimate runner-up, and for reminding us that love can be as beautiful as it is monstrous. This ship may not have taken the crown, but it has our hearts in its deadly grasp forever. 💀💕

Cheers to the killer chemistry of Hannigram! 🥂

Bronze:

🥉 Asheiji: A Tender and Timeless Love

(Ash Lynx x Eiji Okumura – Banana Fish) 🍌✨ Asheiji takes the spotlight! ✨🍌

Bronze goes to Ash Lynx and Eiji Okumura, who remind us that love can be both gentle and profound. Asheiji shares a bond that transcends words—it's a love that knows absolutely no limits. From their subtle touches to the emotional vulnerability they share, Ash and Eiji's relationship radiates a pure, heartfelt beauty. Their connection is super wholesome, filled with longing, mutual trust, and an unspoken love that breaks barriers and leaves a lasting impact. Their love is eternal, and the legacy of their ship lives on in our hearts. 🌸💫🌈 

the rest of the gays:

4th place: Renga (my newest ship!)

5th place: Scorbus (fluffiest!)

6th place: Destiel (1st ever slash ship!)

7th place: Drarry (2nd fave OTP in last place 😭 Aw well, their soulmate love is real/true in their world at least)

Final Ranking:

Renga (4.75 stars) – Deeply emotional and supportive where mutual admiration and personal growth define their close, semi-canon bond.

Book!Drarry (4.08 stars) – The ultimate “could-have-been” with palpable tension.

Hannigram (4.91 stars) – The ultimate psychological obsession.

Destiel (4.41 stars) – Finally canon but with some loose ends.

Asheiji (4.75 stars) – Profound, romantic connection marked by intense devotion and soul-deep love.

👑 Merthur (5 stars) – The devotion and unspoken romance are too deep to ignore. 🥳🎉

Scorbus (4.66 stars) – Emotionally intense, codependent relationship with strong romantic undertones.

Phew! That took almost a whole week. O-O Thanks for reading! =D I’d like to always update this list, so if you have any points to add, DM me & I'll see about incorporating it in! I recently updated this to where I rank based off of where the relationship left off in canon!

[marsprincess889]

Slightly controversial?

My take/opinion on asteroids

So I only ever talk about vedic astrology(mainly nakshatras) here, because that is the most interesting astrology can get for me.

But I'm also someone who thinks that you can learn about yourself/the world using different methods, as long as they don't contradict each other or fail to make sense. For example, there are no nakshatras in navamsa, like come on, I've already explained why I think that is just straight up false(the post is linked in the masterlist). That being said, I see no harm in exploring asteroid placements(BUT THAT HAS TO HAVE LIMITS).

There is no way some asteroid's sign/house placement can explain major patterns in a person's life, unless it's tightly conjunct a planet or an angular house, or any other important point. If you have, for example, Sirene in Leo, and someone says that that means that your allure is magnetic/dazzling/attracts attention(even though it does not make tightly conjunct or opposite important planets) then I'm sorry, but I don't think that's true😭 you might have that kind of allure because of something else, and don't let me saying this affect your self-esteem. My point is, asteroids are minor, but if they are on the same freaking degree as your moon, then yeah, they're important(other than when the asteroid was discovered in like the past two centuries and/or named after someone famous).

Mythological asteroids that make those important aspects are worth checking into, but again, even if that is the case, do not get carried away by long, fanciful interpretations. My advice would be to just research the asteroid yourself. I am saying this with the genuine intention to be truthful.

Anyways, in my chart, the name of the asteroid that is conjunct my ascendant is the same as my first name 🙃. Not revealing that one, lmao, obviously, for privacy reasons, but I also have a few that are conjunct my moon and sun/saturn/rahu, one that opposite that point and conjunct my ketu. Those are interesting and relevant, but in my opinion, do not in any hold the same importance as the planets.

Let me know if you guys want to know about my personal experiences/interpretations of those asteroids in my chart. ☺

Also def tell me about important asteroids in your own charts💕💕

Interact with me and take careeee

[weidli]

Is it ok to ask what your Bond story is going to be about? 0-0

YES OF COURSE I AM ALWAYS HAPPY TO ELABORATE ON WIPS. it's (a) fun and (b) helps me figure out what the fuck i'm actually trying to do with a certain story

ao3 draft version of The Creature currently looks like this:

(dw i have everything in a word document also. i put active wips in ao3 drafts to 1. give myself a pretend deadline and 2. so i can figure out title / tags / summary / formatting in advance)

the idea for this fic crystallized when i saw this quote:

but the main concepts i'm trying to get at in it have been drifting around my head since i first watched casino royale / quantum of solace / skyfall (only thing in spectre i found vaguely compelling were the bond/moneypenny/q interactions and i still haven't subjected myself to no time to die (even though the fact that we were doing billie eilish's no time to die is the only reason i decided to watch a james bond movie at all lmao), the dc!james bond oeuvre is an open-ended trilogy 2 Me). basically the thing is that although james bond is commonly known as Theee womanizer (this is probably completely true when referring to the earlier bonds and also the books, nothing i have heard about those makes me doubt it) ummmmm. the way the trilogy and quantum of solace ESPECIALLY handles james and sex certainly. Leaves room open for alternate interpretation.

let me elaborate.

(disclaimer: i'm a law major, probably some degree of asexual, and my favorite bond movie is quantum of solace, and all three of these things certainly show)

FIRST casino royale babyyyyy. as noted above not my favorite of the three (least favorite actually lmao) but there's various things it gets points for on my list. but what we're mainly here for is (watch out this is a sentence i will never type again) THE SEX SCENES.

(please put you know my name on now. For Atmosphere)

first interaction we see bond have with a woman in casino royale beyond like. random people who are technically also in the street he's having a standard batshit james bond chase scene in is with m and OKAY YEAH I'LL ADMIT IT i'm not entirely opposed to a romantic reading of that relationship (they're fucked up and it fascinates me. i'm predictable. whatever). but thing is what bond mostly does in this scene is sit there and look at m with big woeful eyes while she tells him to fuck off and die somewhere (three times) calls him a blunt instrument (to be fair he did just blow up an embassy) and also get out of her house and HOW DID YOU GET IN HERE ANYWAY, 007. iconic

it's a HUGELY important scene for establishing how this version of james bond works (i think about "well i understand double-os have a very short life expectancy. so your mistake will be short-lived" often) and james is vaguely flirtatious in the way he always is (i.e. in a way that mostly consists of saying things softly while looking at people the right way) and nothing comes of it all. he doesn't make any real overtures, she doesn't even take off her coat, he leaves when she tells him to.

first SEXUAL bit is solange. he DOES give her bedroom eyes as soon as they spot each other on the beach, but 1. she does it first and 2. this is already The Mission. please consider once again the luca guadagnino quote. why flirt with her? why smile? because he's attracted to her? because it's useful to have the mark's wife want him? who knows! not us! and he's definitely not going to TELL us-

Ah! Well okay then!

and as soon as she tells him the guy he's after is going to be on the last plane to miami he's like Okay i'm outta here (almost visibly turns the switch marked flirtatious and available to the off position). i mean i don't have very much experience in this whole having sexual intercourse lark but that's not really Guy Who's Really Into This Sex Thing behavior to me! he does sex the same way he does killing which is to say. efficiently and with a vague sort of disinterest the second he's not actively performing it for someone.

compare this to, for example, the Whole Relationship bond and camille have in quantum of solace. the whole thing is (as far as i can tell, deliberately) CHOCK full of parallels between the two of them, and the fact, stated in text, that camille has unenjoyable sex with people she despises for the sake of the mission, isn't exactly excluded. consider (among other moments) this:

(James voice Lol same haha)

which is almost IMMEDIATELY followed by

HAHAHA CRAZY. this motherfucker out loud calls camille basically a prostitute and then says james kills everything he touches and then says this. and then we find out that camille is also a spy and is also here to kill a man and james and camille themselves are like yeah we ARE mirrors of each other actually

PARALLELS ARE TWO LINES IT'S NOT A STRETCH TO DRAW THE SECOND ONE IS ALL I'M SAYING. there are two people in this cave and they're bonding over losing someone in a violently traumatic way and then turning themselves into a weapon as a reaction but NOT about also using sex they don't really particularly want to have as a weapon in service of the mission in much the same way as a knife or a gun? don't make me laugh . it's RIGHT THERE. it is literally RIGHT THERE. and they do all this together and nearly die together and he gives her new purpose after she does the killing she meant to do and then all they do is kiss once

that's not SEXUAL!! LOOK AT IT. that's what two people who haven't quite realized that you can touch someone without it being the prelude to fucking or killing do instead of a normal goddamn GOODBYE HUG. that's what you do when you're a damaged creature and someone who's exactly the same as you except she's gotten what she thought she wanted looks into your eyes and sees you and the only thing you can think of to do to stop her looking at you is kiss her. NONSEXUAL INTIMACY between two people who use THEIR BODIES AS A WEAPON IN ANY WAY THEY CAN BABYYYYYY.

god i love quantum of solace. anyway.

my point? i think the fact that james bond has sex on missions often and skillfully doesn't mean he enjoys it. the whole point of these movies is that he does a lot of things for the mission that he doesn't enjoy. i think a more compelling interpretation of this version of james bond is actually somewhere on the asexual spectrum.

But Elke, you say. What about Vesper? the whole POINT of Vesper's role in the story, after all, is that what he does with her ISN'T the mission, and in fact ends up running contrary to mission goals. and yet he has sex with her, long after he's left the mission behind. to quote quantum of solace:

(this is also a point in favor of my SECOND hill to die on when it comes to "things that are probably true of most james bonds but i don't think are actually true of this one", i.e. i don't actually think he gives a flying fuck about england. most of the things he does are either fueled by personal loyalty to a specific person (most of the time, m; briefly, vesper) or personal conviction that it's the right thing to do (see for example him getting mad at m in quantum of solace because he thinks she's putting england's interests over the lives of people in bolivia) i personally don't see much patriotism in it at all)

the thing about vesper is that the initial flirting definitely IS an Standard Mission Behavior thing. their first conversation is a verbal sparring match that only occasionally dips to the physical (his "every penny of it", her "your perfectly formed arse") and i'm pretty sure the sparring match aspect of it is what he finds more interesting ("skewered. one sympathizes."). yes he flirts and yes he kisses her and i think part of that really is about wanting le chiffre to think he's distracted by the pretty woman and part of that is trying to get on her good side because it's useful for the mission. and then part of it is that she's unpredictable and thus fascinating (not least because she DIDN'T immediately step into the honeytrap) and the subsequent way he acts around her is . Hm in a certain way it's playing. this middle section of the movie is about two games james is playing and one of them is the poker game with le chiffre as a worthy opponent and the other one is with her. the sniping at each other is fun! it's different! she understands him in a way other people don't! and she DOESN'T WANT TO SLEEP WITH HIM. people wanting to sleep with him is the predictable standard outcome and she doesn't.

these movies work a lot with bond being a guy who kills people to get done what needs to be done and with how you can't really do that for very long without starting to think of yourself as a weapon rather than a person. even if it wasn't the original intention, i think a reading of the text that does the same thing with sex is DEEPLY compelling enhances the whole thing. the first scene with bond and vesper that really isn't about the mission even a little bit, the first scene where he steps out of his role as 007 for her, is this one:

(FINGERS IN HIS MOUTH FRIDAY)

which is notable 2 me for being wonderfully quietly intimate and not at all sexual about it (despite the fact that they are WET in a SHOWER and also he SUCKS ON HER FINGERS. what was that, james) and also what it's ABOUT. she's messed up over being responsible for a human being's death and he, killer of killers, doesn't ridicule it, but sits down in the shower next to her.

(they do this in a bathroom. i wonder where this james bond's first official kill canonically took place--

ah. oops. well never mind that i'm sure it's not important)

sure, they have sex later. but the first moment of actual, real intimacy is pointedly nonsexual. and listen. listen. i like to interpret bond as on the asexual spectrum, yes. but i think he really fucking likes touch, actually. i think that's what the whole thing with miss fields in quantum of solace is about, besides seducing her into letting him have a bit of leeway. the part he actually wants out of that, if he wants anything, is the one we see on screen-

sure it COULD be sexual. could also just be an excuse to touch someone he won't have to try and destroy with it afterward (and then it destroys her anyway, but that's a different essay). like god. think about it. you are a little boy in a big stone house in scotland and you love your parents and then they're gone and you go into the tunnel under the moor and you stay there for two days and then you come back out because you know you'll have to, someday, but you left your childhood buried in that dirt. and who is there after that? the gamekeeper, kincade, who you were probably close with, but when you meet him again years later you only shake hands. boarding school. the boys talk about girls, about wanting. you try it and it doesn't feel right to you, but then again nothing has, not for years. and you learn to do it, and do it well, like you do everything, because if you don't they'll remember you don't belong here. ("-and they never let you forget it. hence the chip on your shoulder.") the navy. they teach you to kill. in a grimy bathroom you hold a man down into the water of the sink, his body against yours, until he stops moving. ("not well.") you stand there. take a breath. ("made you feel it, did he?") this is what you are now. kill him a second time. kill another man without ever coming close, and starting then the only thing your body is good for-- ("as mi6 says, he's difficult to control. nice way of saying that everything he touches seems to wither and die.") -- is being a weapon, one way or another. you fall in love with her because she takes you apart and doesn't want to sleep with you, and you send in your resignation and sleep with her after all because you love her, you do, and you want to touch her forever, and you don't really mind it, if it's her. (her dead mouth under your mouth and she won't breathe--) you start killing again. you're as good at it as you ever were. one wink, and she's following you to bed. the only person you had left to trust asks you to hold him as he dies, and you do. ("that's better. that doesn't hurt.") drop the necklace in the snow. it nearly does kill you this time ("take the bloody shot.") and you sleep with anyone warm enough and let the scorpion crawl onto your hand and go back anyway, and when he ties you to a chair and puts his hand high on your thigh you say ("what makes you think this is my first time?") --

Which is to say, I have a lot of opinions about James Bond's relationship with his body and relationship with sex and relationship with autonomy, and I'm writing a substantial amount of words of fic about it. PLOTWISE the basic scenario of the fic is that on some mission somewhere, part of the plan is for James to get someone specific into bed, and then before this actually happens, she roofies him, and the subsequent sex happens while Q has some camera somewhere on them. the following god only knows how many words are about Q (who i'm writing as aromantic but not asexual in this, because i can) slowly realizing that something really fucked up is going on here, actually, and trying to fix it, and instead fucking things up harder because he underestimated the level of fucked up inside James Bond is baseline operating at, and then eventually they do figure it out and now maybe MI6 sends someone else out when they can tell from the beginning that a certain mission is going to require sex, and maybe sometimes James and Q sleep in the same bed and don't ever ever ever fuck about it. James makes scrambled eggs in the morning. The cats steal some. It works out okay, maybe.

[randomthefox]

(about the wildly inconsistent line) I understand you are annoyed with the complaints, hopefully you don't mind my two cents on this line.

Personally my issue with this line is well, I feel like the fanbase kinda ruined things like people complained about 2010's and calling it "meta era" (a name that I find really nonsensical) and yet glaze on Ian Flynn's writings when he does meta stuff like "sonic cycle" and "project remaster" just to name a few.

So when this line comes, I guess a part of me feels a bit throw out of immersion lmao.

Of course Flynn being the writer of frontiers certainly didn't help and thus feels like a doomer in my head.

Anyway these are my thoughts, feel free to disagree with me and sorry if I accidentally said something that might annoy you

have a nice day/evening.

I don't see how the fan base being a bunch of morons is somehow a problem with the game.

Tails ISN'T inconsistent. So the complaint about the line being some "meta acknowledgement" of Tails' bad writing doesn't make any sense. Because Tails isn't and hasn't been badly written in any Sonic game. The fact that MORONS think he was, and then those MORONS decided to act like some out of context line of dialog was some kind of acknowledgement of support to them isn't a problem with the game.

Those same MORONS also think that the game was some kind of redemption narrative for Eggmans character, which EVERY SINGLE PIECE OF OFFICIAL SONIC MEDIA PRODUCER SINCE has IRREFUTABLY demonstrated to be an incorrect interpretation. And those same MORONS also think the game "fixed" Sonic and got him "back on track" when Sonic wasn't written any differently in Frontiers than he was written in Forces or Lost World or Colors or Black Knight before that. So I don't see how "yeah well a bunch of MORONS were being MORONIC about the series" is somehow a valid criticism of the line itself or the game in general.

If I let what a bunch of MORONS think about Sonic influence my own opinion about Sonic, then I wouldn't enjoy literally anything about Sonic whatsoever. Because MORONS are MORONIC about literally everything regarding the franchise. Why do you give a shit what MORONS think? Why are you letting the voice of MORONS ring in your head while playing Sonic Frontiers? (You have actually PLAYED THE GAME, right?)

I have been very public that I don't believe Ian Flynn had much if anything to do with the way Frontiers was written. Based on everything he and Sonic Team staff members have said about it, and based on the comparison of quality between the games writing and the writing of the comics which Flynn has near infinite creative control over in comparison, it pretty much sounds like Ian Flynn wrote what Sonic Team told him to write. Everything that is in the game every line of dialog of the main story cutscenes is in there because Sonic Team wanted it in the game. I find the way both HATERS and PRAISERS of Sonic Frontiers act like this is Ian Flynn's game to be incredibly disrespectful towards Sonic Team and it frustrates me to no end.

You really think that Sonic Team had a line written and put into the game, and then rigged animated and voice directed the scene where that line was said, that was included to be some kind of dig against Tails's handling as a character BY Sonic Team in previous games? In a scene that was THREE CUTSCENES REMOVED from THIS scene, wherein they directly acknowledge and discuss the way Tails' character was written in Sonic Forces?

If you want to suggest that the "wildly inconsistent" line was some kind of wink and a nod to the audience about Tails's previous writing, then are you also then going to agree that THIS line of dialog is a direct CONFRONTATION of people's complaints about the "Sonic Help Me" scene from Forces? Am I allowed to say that this line of dialog is Tails looking at the camera and saying "I WAS EMOTIONALLY TRAUMATIZED BY SONIC BEING SUPPOSEDLY KILLED BY INFINITE RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY EYES AND THAT'S WHY I COWERED FROM CHAOS 0 YOU ILLITERATE FUCKS"? If YOU'RE allowed to act like the "wildly inconsistent" line is some kind of statement to the audience about the franchises writing quality, then that means you will happily and readily accept my interpretation of THIS line and how it's telling everyone who criticized Tails in Sonic Forces to shut the fuck up and fuck off, right?

Frankly I don't care what people's reasoning is for why they think Tails saying "then I'm wildly inconsistent" is bad. They're wrong. Source: I played the fucking game and you didn't. End of discussion.

[theguyinthemathexamples]

been a long while since I've been back, so here's something before i disappear again ✌️

so here and now, i would like to introduce to you all,

The Levels Of Self Awareness in SAGAU

(aka, the ones I've seen so far)

Warning(s): Cursing(probs), possible misinformation?, not really accurate?, my opinions, my humour and experience, and more.

Not proofread, we die like Guizhong in the Archon War.

1. None. Just- Just none.

As the name suggests, none. Just your average game.

No, literally, there's nothing to worry about here.

No worrying about getting sucked in while you're sleeping or anything of the like.

Nothing strange happens (for now) while you're playing, nothing like that.

No extra items, no extra friendship exp, no extra anything.

It's best to savour it while you still can.

2. "Since when did i get that??"

This is when the "getting extra stuff" and/or "extra luck" happens.

Either your characters have been doing some offcam grinding themselves, or you've just been collecting stuff for a while now and haven't really looked into your bag other than to switch gadgets.

Normally, you probably just caught one crystalfly, and yea it shows that, but either 1. it shows you got multiple, or 2. you have a tiny bit/alot more crystalflies in ur bag the last time you checked.

Maybe that's what they want you to think, who knows.

You'd also probably get lucky with a pull or more - usually nothing more than ten or so.

Your characters would also glitch a lil. Things like the sudden cancelling of idle animations, not switching onto the character you want/need, accidental skill/burst activation, and more.

Though, those only happen on occasion. It's not common enough for you to notice and just interpret as misclicks, but also rare enough to set off a raised eyebrow or red flag inside of you.

Nothing happens out of the ordinary outside of your phone.

Apps like Youtube, Google, Chrome, Photos/Gallery, etc. aren't tampered with.

You're good ... As long as the characters don't break through the 636f6465, that is.

3. "Yo," - Kaeya, 2022

It's probably time to delete and redownload Genshin at this point.

You might see hints of you - i.e statues, your favorite color/thing appearing here and there, characters mentioning someone by "Their/His/Her Grace" or some other title, etc.

Your Gallery might be affected, a few photos of a character and/or a view from Genshin.

Getting extra stuff also (probably) gets more frequent

Either you get them through mail or it just gets sent to your storage/bag directly.

The character glitches also happen a lil more frequently.

Oh, you wanted [thing] but didn't have the chance to do so? Don't worry, we'll get it for you, Your Grace. Just occupy yourself with some other miscellaneous tasks and you'll have it in no time.

Your luck also increases a lil more.

The character you've wanted for some time now but didn't get the chance to get them before? Yep, you guessed it, you lost your 50/50 atleast 4 times now.

Lmao I'm kidding

But seriously, if it's what you've been wanting for some time now, you're at least bound for one or a few 50/50 losses (unless you're guaranteed)

It's also why you (probably) get that one unwanted 5* because you wanted to try your luck/build pity.

Jealousy runs in the family, as they say. It's almost unavoidable, really. (looks at my lost 50/50s)

Hey, don't blame them! They were just... excited that you wanted to even pull on their banner, y'know?

Level them up and ascend them to level 20. I dare you.

I mean hey, atleast you'll get a free acquiant fate after you ascended them.

It only takes 7 Hero's Wit, 1 Wanderer's Advice, and their ascension mats.

It's basically a win/win, is it not?

You get a free fate, they get strength. It's fair for everyone.

You don't even have to give them a new weapon or any artifacts! Just leveling them up will do the job, will it not?

4. Caught You Slippin'

Oh, and if the Barbatos statue at Mondstadt actually changed into you, it's best if you just, yk, just look at the first • on this #.

It's too late to turn back now.

This is the "isekai" part of SAGAU, aka, where most fics take place.

This might be a major jump from the previous #, but hey, i started making this at 5AM.

But besides that, what AU you end up is all based on chance.

I'm sure you get the gist of this #. If you don't, i don't blame you.

Remember that one machine in Albedo's cave? That big rectangle/oval one? You don't? Good cuz neither do i.

Either you got sucked in and woke up somewhere in Teyvat, or you woke up to a bunch of hot people staring at you.

This part of the post is very sensitive to change, so I can't really say much here.

Just know that if you manage to find yourself at this point, you probably don't have a chance in getting back to your normal life without getting atleast a tiny bit of trauma.

C/N: Yea, it's me Your broy, chips ahoy, Cake.

Didn't expect me to post, did you? Well, you probably did, but hey, i like imagining nonexistent things

Anyways, have this while u still can cause i'm going back to nap again

Oh wait right i just remembered i haven't done my commissions

Nevertheless, thank you for all of your patience.

Peace — ★

[another-lost-mc]

thoughts on obey me as an actual game? anything u wan a change if given the chance?

it honestly makes me mad everytime i think about the obvious lack of effort for world building but specifically for the nobility plotline... sooooo underutilized it's upsetting. like i've read isekai manhwas with better use/grasp of the nobility and political climate... also (can't remember if it's from swd or nb) the fact that lucifer and the brothers' are basically living off an allowance/salary set for them by diavolo is just... ugh. they couldn't have given them actual positions with titles ??? they couldn't have brought their title as princes/lords of the underworld into play ??? like i get they did it for the game, for shits and giggles and idk maybe it's just me lawl

sorry for ranting lmao i've sent asks a couple times and i quite like your insights and takes on things. was wondering if you'd have anything to say 🫡

I love talking about this stuff! I know it's a dating game and the lore/world building is basically an afterthought because the game's focus is on MC's relationships with the characters now, and not necessarily on the world/characters before MC existed or became involved.

I've mentioned before that the world feels really empty to me at times because they don't really talk about characters that exist (in a meaningful way) unless they're the established dateables (or soon-to-be dateables) for MC. Many of them are nameless demons/angels (the demon lords, the owner of The Fall that's been mentioned more than once by his title but not name), generic sorcerers and angels we know exist in the other realms. (For some reason, Uriel has been name-dropped twice with very little info besides that.)

Part of my motivation for developing the angel/demon OCs is to give more context and depth to the world that MC interacts with, even if they don't necessarily interact with MC in their own day to day lives. There are countless Devildom businesses that keep the realm running – who owns them? Who are the demons that develop their technology and vehicles? Who are the demons that acquire the raw materials used to build these items, or design/build the Devildom's architecture and homes? Who are the professsors at RAD and the other students? They're probably not all demons born from nobility, so where did they come from? What do the parts of hell outside the Devildom metropolis look like? Do they live on other levels? Rings? How easy can you travel between them, or why would you want to (or not want to)? Who are the demons that make up the demon armies and where do they live? Also, how in the world did Solomon end up in pacts with so many powerful demon lords, and now that he's not a power-hungry king, how do those pacts serve him (and the demons he's bound to)?

So yeah, maybe I think about the game world a lot because there's so much potential that goes ignored. I understand that the game isn't meant to be an in-depth look at the Devildom or Celestial Realm outside of what's relevant for character development or plot purposes, but it would be nice to have answers for some of the obvious questions that come up over time. Some of the information we're given in Nightbringer feels incomplete or doesn't match the tone/characterization we were presented with in the OG game either which makes me worry about continuity issues and retconning going forward.

(This got long so the rest is going behind a read-more link. lol)

When I started developing/outlining The Fall, it was meant to be a personal interpretation of the game's lore and my own creative spin on filling in all the gaps. At the heart of it, it's a love story between two angels-turned-demons. But the worlds they live in change over time, and there's a lot of nuance and deeper insights to explain how and why those things happen.

Some of the topics I wanted to explore in this project include:

Rank/power structures in the Celestial Realm. Basically, how do the various ranks of angels interact with each other, and how do they view angels with ranks higher or lower than their own?

Xenophobia. How angels and demons interact and perceive the other races/species. Metatron is an angel that was originally born as a human and ascended to the Celestial Realm after being chosen by Father to do so. Knowing that, how does his former human life impact what other angels think of him, if it does at all? (Spoiler: It does.) There's also significant issues that come up with the arrival of fallen angels, although Meta and Azra falling has very different reactions compared to Lucifer and the others later.

The role of the Seraphim. This story begins before the Celestial War with Lucifer, so he and Michael are still the two primary beacons of power in the Celestial Realm. How often do they agree or disagree on handling disputes, and how do they resolve their differences of opinion? I also wanted to explain the role of other Seraphim – basically, it's not just Michael or Lucifer calling the shots, and the other Seraphim are expected to lend their voices to discussions/debates about serious matters and it's treated almost like a council where majority vote wins if they can't all agree on something.

Side note: I really don't like the idea that Michael (or any of the other Seraphs) are free to do whatever they want without any sort of accountability or repercussions. I think the things Michael might want to do (ex. sneaking into the Devildom in disguise) and what he should do (literally anything but that) are two completely different things, and being emotional/grief-stricken isn't a good excuse for a leader that wants to YOLO his way through his problems when he has an entire realm of citizens he is responsible for. Gabriel is my solution to some of Michael's emotional impulses and rash decision making. He's the angel OC that acts as Michael's voice of reason when he struggles to separate logic and reason from emotions. He keeps Michael in-check when he wants to do things that are too erratic or personal, but he whole-heartedly supports Michael's plans or ideas that benefit the Celestial Realm. I like to imagine Gabriel and Barbatos are similar in that way and have the potential to be good friends as they bond and commiserate over their loyalties to leaders that sometimes act like spoiled children.

Fallen angels in general. There are a lot of fallen angels besides Lucifer and his brothers. Meta and Azra are two angels that go through the process of falling together and I had a lot of ideas about how I think that looks on a physical and spiritual level. There are differences for angels that are cast out by the Seraphim for breaking the rules/putting the Celestial Realm at risk vs. angels that choose to fall vs. angels that are punished by Father for defying him regardless of what the Seraphim choose. Azra and Meta's motivations and reasons for how/why they fall are slightly different, and how that plays out (and the impact on the angels left behind) are different too. They don't have a pre-existing relationship with Diavolo to pave the way for their new lives in the Devildom either, so how do they cope? Who helps them start their new lives, and how do they navigate being strangers in a foreign land while undergoing the physical and emotional changes of becoming demons? Diavolo's father is still the Demon King when they fall and it's only Belial's involvement that keeps things from completely going off the rails after their arrival. The fact that Belial himself is a former angel has its own significance. There isn't a manual or one-size-fits-all approach to this either, and Azra and Meta demonstrate how the Devildom's negligence of their newest citizens can lead to disastrous results sooner or later.

Navigating tension and conflict between the Celestial Realm and Devildom. There is violence that breaks out between the two realms, so how does the Celestial Realm respond to that sort of crisis? Once in the Devildom, there's a glimpse of how the Demon King (Diavolo's father) handles these developments and why the conflict happened at all. (Spoiler alert: Belial is an antagonist in this part of the story for a reason.)

What is Solomon up to? He has all these pacts with powerful demons and he's no stranger to the Devildom, so of course he's going to be interested to meet some new fallen angels – especially one with as much power and common interests as Metatron. Solomon is very human in this story too. He has his own selfish motivations for getting involved, but he also shows genuine care and concern for those he considers friends. He gets involved maybe more than he should, but for good reasons. He's a useful bridge to help the demons understand some of the obvious implications of having ex-angels living in their world. He also manipulates things a bit behind the scenes because of his connection to Barbatos (and therefore Diavolo) but there's no immature feud souring their relationship in this story. (Gonna be honest, I do not think Barbatos's problem with Solomon had anything to do with his place on Solomon's list of demons.)

Lesser demons and the nobility. I wanted to explore the lives of lesser demons versus the lives of noble demons. Where they live, what they do for a living, how they view demons of higher/lower ranks than themselves and other races. Zee's an example of a lesser demon who does whatever he needs to do to earn a living for himself, and Azra doesn't have much clout behind him so they almost meet each other as equals. It's an interesting look at their friendship and the way connections to more powerful demons (like Belial) help them both make better lives for themselves in the central Devildom where they eventually grow their business and social reputations. Meta, despite being a fallen Seraph, has practically no motivation or reputation to speak of and this has its own consequences later. But Zee's not the only lesser demons in this story, and if you thought the nobility in Nightbringer had problems with fallen angels, the lesser demons are far more hostile towards them – they're the ones on the front lines whenever war with the Celestial Realm breaks out, so its understandable they might not be very welcoming. For the demon nobility, the ones that aren't actively criticising fallen angels are mostly indifferent to them, but that's not such a great thing either.

There are other areas I wonder about that I don't explore in The Fall, but I hope to do so for the various OCs and their stories. The Devildom's power hierarchy/use of titles is one of them. The demons of the Ars Goetia all of their own armies at their disposal, and some are dukes while others are kings. That doesn't seem to have any meaning or impact in the game world, but surely there are ways that can affect how the demon nobility interacts with each other? It certainly made a difference to Solomon, I doubt he would've wanted so many pacts if the demons didn't have anything to offer him at the time. The how and why of Solomon's pacts is it's own area of exploration, which I hope to do with Belial and Bathin.

[karlachismylife]

I woke up (was sleeping cuz I spent the night crying over fucking higher math, might go back to sleep for a little bit more cuz I don't wanna face the world and am still tired) and saw that my Russian words post was reblogged by a bunch more people I respect and look up to (that also happened in one previous wave of popularity that post gained a day or two ago). And like, first of all, I am intimidated by being perceived by people so way out of my league. Second, this definitely shows that there's a writing circle in this fandom of very talented writers and it's not that big. And while my ego definitely wants to somehow worm my way into that circle to be with the cool kids, I very much understand what a chasm separates my writing and their writing, so it makes me feel self-conscious about it again. Especially because I spent last days writing absolute silliness and all these people manage to write incredibly gripping, emotional and deep things. Like very psychological and smart and clever. And finally, I am a little scared to be seen on that scale and by some of those people, because they are so opinionated + well-spoken + have quite clear standpoints. And I am scared to be seen with my potentially problematic/bad/shallow character interpretations and very shallow texts. Cuz I won't be able to back it up substantially, won't be able to defend why I don't write deep enough/why I don't put in more effort/why I mischaracterize the characters so much. What if I actually wrote something problematic. I never intended to, but I might have just done not enough research and self-education. Or something. I don't know.

Obviously I am not actually visible on that scale, it's just one post with writing aid, none of my works reached those people. But what if. I am not smart, and I am immature, and I don't really have anything meaningful to offer. I am usually fine with this, like, I do believe there are also needed stories about raccoons being befriended through the power of cartoons and apple slices, or short fluff pieces with no plot other than two people loving each other and kissing. I am usually pretty comfortable in this niche.

But right now I just got such a strong wave if anxiety. And I know this is just a corner of the internet where no one even could name my full name and I have no chances of meeting any of you irl. But this is a place I want to belong to. I wanna be in the fandom, and I wanna be someone people know as, well, maybe the hyena CEO, or maybe as the fluff gorilla, or - my dream - as Karlach x Soap weirdo. Like. I wanna share what I have with people and be accepted. I feel so very grateful every time I get the feeling of being accepted from notifications, or messages, or asks, or anything. When people show interest and enjoy my things. I am anxious to lose it in case I turn out to be not good enough (which is the motto of my life). I'm pretty chill about being not good enough for many things, it's just facts and well, that's just me. But when it's about something I really really wanna be a part of, like the community here, this scares me, because this failure will hurt like a hundred others didn't.

I'm sorry for ranting, I might delete this later, I see the new asks guys and I will be trying to write something today, I just woke up and I'm a mess and it's not a real problem but it just made me cry for a moment. I'm okay, I'll be fine, I know I'm here to just enjoy myself and hope other people will too, so I'm not like going into hiding or anything. Just needed to say this, cuz whenever there's "fandom discourse" I am so scared I'm actually part of whatever problem people are discussing. And stuff. Yeah gonna go have a cup of tea and sleep a bit or at least lie down. I'm sweaty, temperature regulation is not a thing my body is good at, lmao.

Love you all so much, eternally grateful for all the love and attention I receive from you comrades. It feels incredible, today is just an anxious day.