#like when i was in the uk and mostly staying with my ex it really escalated lmao
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tw unhealthy eating habits
like how am I supposed to have a normal relationship with food when just yesterday I said "well, ten years ago I probably looked different as well, I was only fifteen" and dad went "yeah and probably weighed a couple kilos more", and then later told me that that morning he'd weighed himself and apparently was at 80 kg so that's we he decided to eat all sweets and stuff he had around (just some chocolates I got him for fathers say) and then quit junk food lmao
#gotta tell him again to please just not talk about the topic of weight around me and to not comment on mine. past or present.#it's also something he points out every time he looks at or talks about my st picture from school (bc both mine and my sister's are on a#wall in the hall). that i weighed more than. how you can see it in my face.#recently even said we should take new ones#oh and that time my sister deadass said (about another photo) 'wow youre fat in that picture' (years ago)#cylas vents#weightloss#weight loss#weight mention#eating disorder#eating issues#unhealthy eating habits#also pretty sure i was about the same weight around fifteen lmao#as i am now#heighest weight was around august 2019 or so#like when i was in the uk and mostly staying with my ex it really escalated lmao#oh also another one of my dad's infamous phrases was when seeing the stretch marks in my arms and basically saying 'look what you did to#yourself with that weight gaining'#anyway I've had Always On My Mind by Elysian soul stuck in my head since yesterday#teenage me deserved better#when i read my diary/diaries from then i cry lmao
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Excellent, actually. After my divorce and move back home, I had completely given up. I’d never had much luck dating throughout my whole life. This isn’t whining, I was always fine with having friends and being social, sometimes I wanted sex but I was never the kind to sit around pining. After moving back to OK, having a young child and living with my parents for that first year, I figured this was it and that was fine. I’d get a home for me and my baby and just settle in.
My ex wife is British and lives in the UK (as do many Brits) so our kid goes to stay with her for the summer. It gives me a nice break and recharge to make me a better mom throughout the school year. After I got our home, and Kid went off for her holiday, I decided I needed a bit more of a recharge and began to look for what I started calling my Summer Shag. Not a girlfriend. That’s too much. I don’t need anyone on my island trying to make me feel shit, I just want a few dates and some physical attention. Middle aged women have Needs and that’s no lie. So for a few years I’d use dating apps starting about this time of year (late April) and see who I could find. Someone who’s down for good times and knows that this is absolutely just some summer lovin’, have us a blast.
Mostly it worked. I did have the 😱😱😱 racist date I told about in an earlier post, and sometimes it took a little longer to make a connection, but the dating apps were great. See pics, do preliminary chatting. One of my flings I met on Lex, the app with no photos, just talking and sharing. Very nice. Even when it wasn’t a match, just scrolling around looking at who’s out there and what their lives are like was interesting. Who else is a lesbian in central Oklahoma?
So that worked well for a few years, even during lockdown. Amazing what some private chats can accomplish in a world gone mad. Then one May I started the quest, swiping around and seeing who was available. I see some pix of a super cute dyke who headlines her ad ‘I can cook and fix shit’. Heck yeah! Swipe on her! We start chatting that evening and by the time we were able to actually meet 10 or so days later, I realized I actually liked her, and now here we are years later moving in and making wedding plans. The funniest thing is that we have mutual acquaintances and a decades long history of living in the same small town. We talk often about how many times she must have waited on me as she worked in literally my favorite restaurant in town, or how often I pushed my baby carriage past her house, or crossed paths on our bicycles but never met because it wasn’t our time yet.
So yeah, online dating is really good, in my experience and opinion. Especially if you don’t live in an urban area with lots of lgbt groups etc to join, and you’re too old to go out to clubs because you get up early for work and are sleepy 😂
If nothing else, it’s a system that gave me the sweetest surprise of my life and that can’t be bad
#lesbian queries#lesbian query of the day#lesbian#lesbian love#wlw#wlw love#sapphic#sapphic love#dykes to watch out for#lesbian art#so so gay
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Russell's passport - 1979/80
The Bath Bankers
PulpWiki: Extracted by Stephen Bray from an interview with their bass guitarist, Paul.
I met Russell on the [Business Management] course at Bath Uni in 1979, and we became friends because of that. The course started in October and was mostly filled with kids from well to do families, and Russell and I were in the minority of kids from ordinary working class backgrounds.
It was in the days where suddenly it was OK to join a band even if you couldn't really play. I got a bass guitar and played some rudimentary riffs, Russell was on guitar, and we had a keyboardist called Steve and a singer whose name I can't recall. No drummer. We knew Steve and the singer socially. The band was formed from scratch, driven by Russell, (of course) and i think the band started after Xmas. Russell came up with the name.
We didn't do any covers. It would mostly have been thrashy punk stuff, but I also recall a spooky discordant repetitive melodic song about a fairground and some scary people who worked there! That was the only decent song we did really which I recall got some good feedback from the reviewer at the arts barn. He wrote for some sort of Uni fanzine I think. I looked up [Pulp's] 'Fairground' on Youtube and the skeleton of the song is in there! Amazing!
We did a total of two gigs. One was at the "Arts Barn" at the Uni and one as part of a big music day which culminated with a performance by The Vapours. So in a way I can vaguely claim to have "supported" The Vapours, though they started at 10 p.m. and we were on at 10 a.m. [Editor's note: In April/June 1980, The Vapors were on a UK tour and played at Bath University on 21st June which was presumably this gig]. A local band called Alarm Clox who had a 7" single out were also on that bill.
We didn't do any recordings - recording something back then was a bit different. I do recall a photo of the Vapours gig but looked in my old shoe boxes of photos and couldn't find it.
As a sideline to the band, Russell ran a fanzine called "The Bath Banker" back then and one edition included an early review of a Pulp gig in Sheffield whilst he was back home in the summer holidays (of 1980). [Other than that, Russell didn't mention Pulp. I wasn't at the gig that they played at Bath Uni].
We were on a sandwich course, so at the end of year one we went off to a work placement for six months. In the meantime Steve switched Universities and the singer disappeared from Uni and we never got going again. After we disbanded, I wasn't such close friends with Russell as before and I was pretty useless musically. It was me who lost interest and sold my bass and amp for cash to buy a hifi system.
I did go up to Sheffield in 1982 [actually 28/2/1981!] to stay over at his dad's house and go to see The Fall and Cabaret Voltaire at the Polytechnic. Russell must have liked The Fall, but I think he was more interested in Cabaret Voltaire
Russell was strange and very different and not really dictatorial at all. He arrived at Uni in 1979 with his live in girlfriend, so the Uni wouldn't help out with accomodation. His Hitler moustache and stary eyes made him stand out. He had a left field style of thought process. Generally unconventional when lined up with the Bob Wigley anally retentive types on the course. Also a ironic / wicked sense of humour. Of course he shared my own "underground" music tastes. He was interesting and wasn't condescending I liked him.
A while back I was looking up ex course members who got famous and wiki'd Russell. [The wiki stated that] he got a first class honours degree. He was [actually] the least interested student and got a 3rd. I never knew why he applied for the course to be honest. It was full of posh people who wanted to go on and run big companies. A couple succeeded (Justin King - Sainsbury's and Bob Wigley - Unilever)
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[Wikipedia now says Russell got a 2:1]
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Shelves I Am Debating Adding to My Goodreads
(talking random ideas out in a public forum helps me think)
Maps (I would like to remember which books have cool maps inside them!)
Illustrated (for books, mostly children's and vintage, with pencil sketches within the text and similar)
Endpages (we love a book with illustrated endpages) (it would also help remind me which books are Not Good Enough to get as ex-library, whose stickers and tape ruin them)
Mixed/multi-media? (I have a "unique books" shelf that already covers the coolest ones, but stuff like A Good Girl's Guide to Murder that just switches up prose with things like text messages, emails, etc. might be interesting to keep track of too. I'm just not sure exactly what the best term for this is)
Mass Market Genre (cozy mysteries and more generic/Harlequin-type romances, which just aren't quite on par with normal standalones. the recommendation feature is mostly garbage now, but keeping those out of consideration can't hurt)
Romance (genre tag for the standalone contemporary style right now, because I have an "OTP" shelf, but that's specifically for book couples I ship and that doesn't happen for me in all of them, or maybe even most)
Mystery and/or Thriller (actually criminal I don't have this yet, but for a long time I didn't read enough adult fiction so if it wasn't horror or historical I just slapped it all under 'contemporary-adult' (separate from longstanding #1 shelf Contemporary YA) but I should really divide them out)
Ugly Covers (I finally made a Cover Love shelf for the beautiful ones, and I don't usually read books with ugly covers for obvious reasons, but sometimes there's only one edition of a book that came via friend rec and whose summary sounds irresistible, and you don't have a choice. Across The Desert. I want to yell about them)
Hollywood or Celebrities (I finally made a 'music' tag but that covers pretty much any book where the main character is a musician or listens to music; I need one for actors too because I'm starting to read more of those. Celebrity memoirs will stay in the Memoir tag because those are mostly the kind I read anyway)
Film And TV (I have a TV Tie-ins shelf for those kinds of novels specifically, but I also want a place for my nonfiction related to the entertainment industry, a reading category which continues to grow)
Gift Books (this is a category in my book catalog for how I would hypothetically shelve the small and pretty books together; why not make it GR Official)
UK and Ireland (I have an International Setting tag but it never quite felt right applying that to the Isles when it evokes more far-flung lands. On that note, may also need a Canada one) (I HAVE thought about doing one for every state, too, just for data reasons, but the idea of adding up to FIFTY new shelves on one theme seems like it would overwhelm my system)
EDIT:
Movie Cover Accepted (or something like that! Most of the time I'm happy to join in on the movie cover hate bandwagon, but on occasion, I actually like them as much or more than the originals. Specific ones I've seen recently are The Storied Life of A.J. Fikrey, Daisy Jones & The Six, and It Ends With Us. also let's not forget about the random LOTR book I bought because of Viggo Mortensen on the cover...)
Beautiful Buildings (you slap a beautiful old mansion on a cover and I'm 50% more likely to read it. I have a lot of these. I would like to gaze upon them all at once)
Restoration (I ALSO read a lotta books, both fiction and non, about restoring old houses)
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brain thoughts... of the day 9/24 and i actually treat tumblr like the blog it is LOL some hetalia brainthoughts and worms if u guys care to know headcanons, ship thoughts, it's mostly usuk and spamano thoughts
i want to write fic i no longer want to work the nonprofit i volunteer at makes me want to die and I'm so stressed out the more i want to ignore that and think of my little guys...
i was writing/reading some usuk last night and i love these two... they're INSANE. in terms of hetalia i obvs like spamano + btt + mediterranean adjacent europe countries the most, but i do like usuk+face sphere a lot as well. but the biggest difference is that alfred & arthur are INSANE and they murder and get turned on by it!!!! and antonio and lovino are lovers and soulmates and they kisskiss bc they're retired (nationverse)
arthur & alfred: burning cigarettes on each other during sex, breaking each other bones, insulting each other antonio and lovino: what should we cook tonight?
anyway, I'm gna post a full thoughts on the fic i was reading last night later BUT if anyone's interested the best usuk fics are 1912 and 1915 by robinrocks. especially 1915 if anyone's interested in how alfred is power hungry + innocent at the same time ("why wouldn't i want power? isn't it natural to want everything in the world?" he asks 100% genuinely) and arthur being a conniving, resentful bitch and it has saturn eating his son themes and it has arthur hating and loving alfred at the same time, jealous and in awe and resentful of how powerful alfred is...... "this is your century after all" robinrocks you are my god....
anyway my point is that even though I'm an antonio, lovino, and company gang, usuk has a special place in my heart bc THEYRE FUCKING CRAZY!!!
and antonio and lovino can also be crazy, but i love thinking of them very... old soul/world romance... and when they are crazy (if nationverse) i like to think of it as they are crazy towards other people. oh Until the Moss Had Reached Our Lips, and Covered Up Our Names is a perfect example of this (the real gangster au)
my point is that arthur and alfred are very insane towards each other, it's full of hatred and anger and resentment but also fondness... it's that they both want to see each other burn but also have an immense love and fondness for each other. power hungry freaks LOL
and antonio and lovino are insane in a way that's like... they'd see the world burn if it meant the other was happy. they're possessive and bitchy and controlling but also codependent and happy and domestic. it's more of an external 'i'd see the world burn to make you happy' vs usuk's 'i want to knifeplay you and then make out with you'
usuk is very new world and spamano is very old world, court politics, tensions of back and forth, love of the beaches and forgoing everything in favor of love <333 usuk is insanity lol
oh since I'm talking abt hetalia ships, i should perhaps talk abt things i like and dislike. loves: spamano & usuk <33 gilbert (just in general LOL idc who he is w) likes: prucan... (i like gilbert :/ and i feel like i find him the most fun to read in prucan fics), aushun (MY WIVES!!), Switzerland meh: fr////uk. i used to be a hater back in the ship wars (ancient look) i don't really care and i think its fun. i just wish both of u guys would stop fighting its not that serious (talking abt shippers). i quite like when francis and arthur are jaded ex lovers LOL, but it does get a bit overused at times. or best frenemies. i used to hate ger///ita but i am quite fond of it nowadays <33 i think they are very cute notp: antonio with anyone but romano. on the contrary, i think it's fun when lovino cucks romano lol (there's a LiveJournal fic somewhere that i read recently like this...) sorry it gives me the shivers anytime i think antonio could ever like anyone but romano (he's possessive, he's one track minded, he's a simple man... that means staying dedicatedly in love with the same man over 500+ years. i was reading some usuk fics where antonio said something bad abt romano and then i cried).
to touch upon why i hate antonio with anyone besides romano and why I'm ok w romano with everyone... like i said i think antonio is possessive, he is crazy, he is simple. romano, i think, is quite free-spirited in a way people don't really get LOL and also he likes attention and also i like knowing romano is a hot commodity (literally)
there was an old blog that described the European countries as bastard princes veying for the hands of retrix mundi (aka Italy aka rome aka romano) and it has haunted me since... if i ever finish my 2016 historical hetalia spamano fic. here's a snippet LOL for those who really care
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Visit went really well, L is very nice with solid sense of self and determination. She's a carer on the local hospital alzheimers/dementia ward and has a refreshing positive approach that's neither infantilising nor pitying. I straight up told her how rare and special that is, psych carers who don't see their patients as full people piss me off so someone who actually enjoys their job and likes the patients? Yeah, gonna celebrate that.
She hates paperwork, keeps close ties to home though daily video chat but lockdown was rough until they found a place that had a garden, smaller space but less confining. Her husband's doing great, he's found a niche hooking up local restaurants and businesses with local produce. His psychosis was high level cannabis induced and waned as he detoxed in long mental hospital stay to make sure it wasn't the beginnings of something else. He was going through a depression found weed and got groomed by extremists in his paranoia. He's very lucky to be white, well spoken and have a mother who went to bat for him to not be criminalized but get mental help instead. I can't help but wonder how many second chances he got that my ex neighbours his age and less messed up didn't get for being poor and half north african though nearly passing physically, they never nailed that proper 'respectability' tone and body language.
Elisa, 4, was utterly adorable, whip smart, self assured and very at ease. She spends a lot of time with her grandma our friend J and is thriving. Baby Jack fell asleep a few minutes in, he's huge for 5 months and both kids have the most gorgeous big dark brown eyes. Elisa had insisted on the visit so she could meet the doggies and another Elisa(beth). This was Talia the chihuahua's first encounter with a child on home turf in close quarters and it went well until things got a little loud and Talia snapped just the once at Lily the dog as a way of releasing stress so I lifted Talia out of the little girl's way so she could refocus and come back if she wanted to engage. Within 10 seconds the wild fearful look was gone and she gradually returned to look at Elisa and let herself be petted but keeping an eye on an exit. Lily is the most chill dog I've ever had so she just lay next to the little girl and had a fisher price phone put to her ear and her back lump palpated just completely unbothered.
With L we were able to talk about culture shock and switching languages (mostly because i was thinking in English again and having to mentally translate which is the stupid way instead of brain switching to full french), island culture... though her island is considerably larger and more complex than the UK obviously. Then her and sis bonded over being little sisters and the joys of annoying big sisters. She's considerably younger so we're not really the right peers, I do hope she meets some nicer folks her age, maybe at kiddos preschool.
It's hard to tell if it was a pity visit or curiosity or if she made a new point of contact in town. Kiddo had a great time and our full attention. It's hard to tell when you're disabled until people follow up.
Talia passed the "multiple people including an inquisitive child" test without having a freak out so that's an excellent sign, it's odd seeing her wrestle with her very strong protective and fearful instincts. I've had dogs fight their prey drive, Lily is food obsessed to the point she'll forget everything else which is why I still have to test her on food theft regularly but Talia's natural state is like fight or flight and you can see her little brain whirring about all she's missing out on by being fearful.
We decided to unmask since we were all vaxxed and the windows were open and I'm really glad to have been able to lip read as L's french was dialectical (dialectic?) Keeping an eye on dogs and listening to lil Elisa chat away made it very hard to tune in properly to her mum. It helps the plague anxiety that her work took PPE and distancing very seriously from the start. I felt less uncomfortable than I have with most neighbours who have a "qué séra, séra" approach to illness (except for the three months after Granny M got covid and realised it was as nasty as her former husbands emphysema... then forgot) . I don't want to live in fear but I can't shake the memories of putting sis on the cpap 24/7 for a week and the first time I looked at myself and was yellow. Oh I had fructose sugar and real sugar today, we made low sugar gluten free chocolate cake - we'll see how well that went tomorrow.
#saf#Visitors#My_dogs#Training a teenage unsocialized chihuahua#Somebody get netflix to do french dubs that actually line up with mouth movements so i can reset my brain to french mode#I heard futurama in English for the first time today that was wierd anf uncanny.#Long post
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D&D Character Ask Post
In Honor of D&D, Here are 100 Questions answered about my character Alistair. Done from a prompt reposted by @mechmech and @scatterpatter , and also gonna tag my DM @aerial-ace97
What Does He Smell like: Ozone, Sandalwood, Pine
Voice: A light baritone, sometimes slipping into a bit of a lit from his native island (similar to a Scottish brogue/Irish lit)
Motivator: Before he met his group? Power and Adrenaline. Now? Redemption.
Most embarrassing memory: (TW: Animal Death) He doesn’t really remember this as he was terribly drunk at the time, but he and his crew stopped in a city that held goats as a sacred animal. With a terribly “bright” idea, he wondered how far a goat could fly? Because goats fly. Throws the goat off of the third floor of a building. Then proceeds to have a not very respectful Coffin Dance-style funeral for said goat.
How does he react to pain: Lots of swearing and anger.
What does he wear: He wears dragon scale armor that has three deep gouges in it from where he was previously killed. A faded and slightly ragged admiral style coat on top, leather breeches, and give this man some high calf pirate boots. He also always wears a green headband to keep his hair back, and occasionally an eyepatch to hide his demonic eye.
Most positive relationship: In terms of character development, it might be Torvid, as Torvid inspires Alistair to be a better moral person. In terms of wholesomeness? His partner/hopefully soon fiancé, Atwater. Atwater was able to show Alistair that he can have positive love in his life, without having to fight so hard for it.
The weirdest thing he has ever eaten: Corren’s cooking
Sleep: He suffers from nightmares and now more recently night terrors. Because he technically doesn’t need to sleep from effects of his class, he often chooses not to. However, when he does sleep, he sleeps hard, snores lightly, and octopus cuddles anything in his bed.
Favorite food/ kinda food: He actually really loves a dish similar to pao de queijo (Brazillian Cheese Bread).
Most insecure about: His ability of being a leader.
Like to wear: He enjoys fairly tight fitting clothing to prevent too much flapping when he flies or moves around quickly.
How do they react to feelings of guilt: Denial and self doubt
React to betrayal: A very quick and violent anger that chills to a long lasting and cold hatred. He doesn’t forgive easily.
Greatest achievement: After being mutinied against by his former crew, being wanted and supported as a leader for his current adventuring party
Too little sleep: Pretty robotic, but he doesn’t get exhausted anymore or feel any physical effects of not getting sleep due to his class.
What are they like drunk: He’s a very cheerful and boisterous drunk. Makes and laughs at many jokes. Can fall into a melancholy pretty easily though if he thinks on certain thoughts too long. Deflects with humor!
Music likes: 80s hair band music, and 70s-80s rock.
Right or left-handed: Right handed
Fears: He’s claustrophobic, but also has a fear of being vulnerable and getting his heart broken again.
Favorite weather: Sunny Day with a slight chill.
Favorite color: He really likes blue.
Collect anything: Well technically he used to collect gold and other high priced artifacts. He doesn’t really collect anything anymore.
Hot or cold weather: This man controls the weather. He enjoys his thermostat of life to be at a nice 70 degrees F.
Eye color: His natural eye color is an emerald green. His left eye is a demon cat eye, with a gold iris and black sclera.
Race/ ethnicity: He’s a human in the world of Sekrezia, but in IRL, he’s probably northern UK.
Hair color: Ginger/Auburn, with some sun-bleached streaks in it.
Happy where they are currently: … Well his adopted sister and brother just died in the last game so nah. BUT- as kind of a whole, he’s happy to be where he is now as a person compared to how he used to be.
Morning person: Yup. He tends to wake with the sun if he sleeps, and once he’s awake- he’s awake.
Sunrise or sunset: He loves the sunset. It calms and amazes him that he survived another day.
Messy or organized: He’s messy. Kind of an ADHD procrastination kind of messy.
Pet peeves: Disloyalty, undeserved ego trips, other weather veins that mess with his control of the weather,
Objects of significant importance: O’Malley, his halberd. He earned his weapon when he became a captain, and it has saved his life numerous times after.
Least favorite food: After being stuck in a cave for over a year? Anything with mushrooms.
Least favorite color: He’s not a fan of dark reds or browns. Reminds him too much of dried blood. (oooh edgelord)
Least favorite smell: Cauterized Flesh, Rotting Fish
The last time they cried: Last game. But before that? When he found out that Torvid killed his father. Before before that? When Atwater died. Before before before that? When he woke up alone in the desert after the mutiny.
Were they with anyone when they cried: His party. His party and both sides of the war that was going on. And no one.
One time they got injured: He actually died in a fight with a dragon, not with the dragon, but with a bat crony of the dragon.
Scars: He’s got a scar in the shape of a jagged p on his right cheek, a claw scar from when his eye was gouged out, and he also has the marks from the bat crony when he died. Alistair also has lightning scars on his arms that led to minor nerve damage that occurred when he first was learning how to use his magic.
Mental health issues: ADHD, Depression, Anxiety
Bad habits: Lashing out when he doesn’t know how to process his emotions
Why might someone dislike him: … Lemme get the list. So if we ignore the fact that he used to be a feared sky pirate, earning the nickname “Orphaner of the Skies”… he can be a flippant asshole sometimes. He can often forget to stay in touch and update people on important topics. Also, some may dislike him because he insists on being their dad (*cough* CORREN *cough*)
Why might someone love him: Alistair is very loyal to those he trusts and he can often fall into caretaker type tendencies.
Believe in ghosts: Yeah. He’s seen them and fought them. Also dated one.
Anyone they would trust with their life: Mecha, Corren, Tristan, Atwater, Jerry, Mephistopheles, and Torvid.
Romantically interested in anyone: Atwater!
Dating/ Married: He is currently dating Atwater
Like surprises: Not really
Birthday: His weave day is in Summer, Sibelya 13th.
Celebrate their birthday: He used to. Doesn’t really anymore, mostly because he hasn’t had much reason to celebrate or the time.
Family: His parents are dead, but he still has his adopted aunt Imelda. He also views Tristan as his brother, Corren as his little brother, Mecha as his sister. Atwater is his romantic partner, and he is now the step father of Atwater’s child, Crestwell. He also is the adopted father of Liam (deceased) and Liam’s twin sister, Serana.
Close to their family: Yes
MBTI type: ENTP
Zodiac signs: His Sekrezian Sign is Xamatang, The Coming Storm
Hogwarts house: Gryffindor
Alignment; Chaotic Neutral but he’s steadily making his way towards Chaotic Good
Nightmares: Yes. Often about his ex, Ghost. He also has nightmares about losing those he considers family.
View on death: If it happens, it happens. Once someone is at peace, leave them be.
Something they always laugh at: Seeing his group smile and joke around.
When bored, what do they do: Fly, tinker with magic, practice magic, research magic.
Enjoy the outside: Very much so.
Accent: I can’t replicate it, but I imagine it’s somewhere between a Scottish and Irish accent. However it has faded as he hasn’t been home in a very long time.
Upon seeing a slice of chocolate cake, the first reaction: *Poke it*, *Look at it*, *Look around*… *Shrug*, My cake now.
If they knew they were going to die what would they do/ say: He would find his party, if he can- gives them hugs, and hopefully be able to die watching the sunset. “Find what makes you happy and hold on to it. You all deserve to have happiness in your lives.”
Feelings about sex: He likes it. He also has a pretty damn high libido.
Sexuality: Bisexual
Squeamish around blood: Somewhat. It makes him uncomfortable now because he’s scared that he likes the sight of it still.
Anything they find gross: Rotting bodies and decaying bodies.
TV trope: Father Figure, Tragic Backstory, Anti-Hero
Enjoy helping people: Yes, he finds it comforting, like a form of redemption.
Allergies: Minor shellfish allergy
Pet: Does Meph count as a pet? I mean, he usually hangs around Alistair as a cat.
Quick to anger: Depends on the situation, but yes.
How patient is he: Not very. He gets very jittery and anxious easily. He’s getting slightly better at that.
Good at cooking: Somewhat, he tends to overdo it on the spice.
Favorite insult:” It’s cute when you try.”
How do they act when happy: The biggest doofiest smile, and he can’t help but laugh occasionally.
What do they do when they learn about others’ fears: He keeps it secret, but tends to go out of his way to help them through it, or help them avoid their fears.
Trustworthy: If you earn his trust, yes. A million times in return.
Do they try to hide their emotions: If it benefits him? Yes. And he’s damn good at it. But if he feels it’s not necessary to do so, his heart is on his sleeve.
Exercise regularly: Yes. His constitution is ridiculous and so he often finds ways to keep up and improve his stamina and strength even further.
Comfortable with the way they look: Yeah. He can get a lil cocky about it. But this is a man who uses bar soap on his hair.
Features they find attractive on others: Eyes and hands.
Personalities they find attractive: He likes those that can keep up with him intellectually, but also on a wittier level as well. He really views self-confidence as attractive.
Do they like sweet foods: Yes.
Age: He just turned 42.
Tall or short: He’s 6’0”
Glasses or contacts: Nah
Consider herself attractive: Yup
Sense of humor: Sexual humor, dad jokes ftw, but can also throw in some dark and self-deprecating humor nowadays.
What mood are they in most often: Most recently, a sort of determined melancholia. But he used to be very self-assured, confident, and flippant.
What angers them: Child abuse, betrayal, hurting those he cares about.
Outlook on life: “Just keep going. Roll with the punches. Because that sun is going to rise again, and you’re going to get to try again, try something new, find something new.”
What makes them sad or depressed: Thinking of those he has lost, thinking of Ghost, falling into his own insecurities.
Greatest weakness: He often jumps into situations without thinking them through. He tends to be very “leap before he looks”
Greatest strength: His determination and resiliency
Something they regret: Losing contact with his crew and Imelda, not being a better leader in his eyes, his past of piracy, and in some ways- all his deals with Mephistopheles, even the one that granted him his magic.
Biggest accomplishment: Isn’t this the same as greatest achievement?
Favorite memory: Sitting by the campfire with his group and all of them laughing, joking, and smiling with each other. With the good ol occasional ribbing at Corren’s expense.
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So, I guess here comes the Camille ☕️ (if you wanna call it that)
Sorry in advance this gonna be a fucking long one.
If you have any questions just ask.
I honestly don’t know if I should be impressed or concerned that my brain still remembers so much details about this shitshow. But I guess their plan did work in the end.
So you asked about Camille. I honestly don’t even know where to start with that one. I don’t know for how long you’ve been a fan of Harry and how intensively you stan him, but this one send my bullshit detector right off in the same way that Holivia does.
Can’t really explain it but I just smell if something isn’t right. It’s not only that way with Harry but in general. I just KNOW if something doesn’t add up.
The reason hamille wasn’t overdone and ppl believe it was bc it was marketed to be real. It wasn’t for promo in the sense Holivia is or to be shoved in ppls faces. The point was to have a relationship to fall back on when his album came out to be the “long term relationship” described in the songs. To have a certain narrative if you want to call it that.
They only were papped 2 (+the time at the Classic East concert.) They went to really popular places where you only go to when you want to get papped.
Other than that they only posted „sneaky fanpics“ which was on purpose to make them look „private“ but they were anything but that.
I actually had saved so much stuff as proof till recently when I deleted it all bc it honestly has been 3 years and I didn’t think I needed it anymore to help me explain lol. And please don’t make the mistake of looking up Hamille timelines, bc they’re all created by shipper afterwards so 95% of the shit is wrong, in the wrong order or they added the wrong pics to certain events. (If you want to look for pics, specific dates and stuff look them up individually and NOT through shipper pages or similar shit.)
Alright, back to explaining why it was so obvious. Disclaimer: I‘m just gonna point out the most obvious things but there is way more.
Harry started following Camille back in June 2016. They have several mutual friends (Waseem, Alexa Chung, Matt Hitt etc) so I assume they‘ve met before. She didn’t follow back though till shortly before the „relationship“ started. So after Harry followed her in 2016 she started to tag him in posts of her and her friends ass and did that video moaning his name while grabbing her boobs (classy 🤢). Shortly afterwards Harry unfollowed for a while and started follow her again before the mess began.
Fast forward to 2017. After doing „Dunkirk“ and about to bring his debut album out they started the first attempt at what I call a failed narrative with Tess. Not gonna go over that again bc one anon pointed out right how fake it was. They got rid of her rather quickly after she posted several times from his house which wasn’t the „private way“ they intended it to go.
So they were looking for someone to replace her. Cue Camille entering the scene.
Perfect person for the narrative as she’s half french (goes well with Dunkirk promo), is a VS model, have mutual friends and she has several ex bf who have written songs/albums about her. She’s the picture perfect muse for his second album.
Please let’s first talk about chemistry and body language bc I can’t even say how awkward they always were around each other. First the two pap pics from the sushi place and in front of the gym/ yoga place: both times both had closed off body language either crossed arms, Harry walking 3 steps ahead, faces didn’t look pleased at all and rather irritated or as of they just had a fight/ were in the middle of a fight (especially the pic from in front of the yoga place). No touching or anything involved in any pap pics. If you didn’t knew they were supposedly „dating“ you wouldn’t see it.
Let’s get to their behavior at the „sightings“: they weren’t seen much together outside of touring. But when they were seen we got pics in like 95% of the cases and people meeting them always said they didn’t seem like a couple (apart from shippers who made up shit about them all the time).
Even in every „sneaky pic“ there was as much chemistry as in Holivia -> none!
We got a few pics or even videos were you could see them backstage or besides the stage (e.g. 2017 Toronto show: while Muna is on stage Harry and Camille stand awkwardly 3 feet apart from each other, both closed off body language, not interacting with each other. You’d think as they were still in their honeymoon phase at that time and in private, seemingly not knowing that anyone could see them that they acted more coupley or at least would not stand there like 🧍🏻 🧍🏻. (Have you seen him interact with Xander while watching 1D’s opening act? Total opposite to Hamilel and they were „just friends“. Also in other pics Harry would rather cling to her bag / coat etc that he was holding so he didn’t had to touch her or anything. I think the only time we saw them „touch“ was that Classic east concert („relationship debut“) when he awkwardly held her shoulders and she was swaying weirdly. She even tried to touch him or get him to sway with her but he shot that down immediately 🤣. I could go on for longer but you get what I mean...
The next weird thing is, that she was down in literally the pit or sitting with „regular fans“ 97% of the time. Without Harry’s bodyguard around. Sometimes Jeff was with her but mostly she stood there alone. Everyone knew that she wasn’t really popular and liked around fans, so why would you put your gf in the pit with all the crazys or why would you as a gf want to be in the crowd at most shows when you could watch from the side of the stage or backstage? Also the fact that we always knew when she was at a show because she was always „spotted“ even the few times she was indeed staying at the side of the stage, she didn’t stay hidden. Sometimes we even joked about how she wanted to be part of the band or something by how close she stood there in the open. But whenever Anne for example was on tour or close friends of his or whatever they always had someone walking with them for protection and Anne never was like „in the pit“ like Camille. She never followed any of Harry‘s close private friends or family. Only people who she could gain something from. Like Lambert, Jeff, Teasedale, the Crawford’s etc. And she was never at any of the London or Manchester shows where basically all of his friends and family were. Even though she would have had definitely time bc she posted herself and friends doing nothing or trolling in LA all the time in that time. When she was at that show in Paris in 2018, she brought her friend who lives in Paris and her cousin I think. We got backstage pics of them all and Harry and Camille staying as far away from each other in that pic as possible. She was seen leaving as well after that show with her friends out through the main entrance. This was also the show Anne was at and an awkward hugging video of them both came out. Tbh it’s not clear where Camille and co were sitting bc they moved around the arena the whole night. At one point you can see Anne and Camille standing next to each other and all of a sudden Camille was „hugging“ Anne but Anne was so surprised that she was just standing there like 🧍🏼♀️ and waited till it was over (that „hug“ looked more like as if Camille tried to tackle Anne 😂). Also serious question and not to make it sound weird, but it deadass looked in that video as if Camille just waited for a sign to go for that hug and that it was being recorded. Because the way the camera was pointing at them all of a sudden and they were just lucky enough to catch that on camera? Yeah sure...
Not to forget, she didn’t seem to have a lanyard like for example Anne had, so everyone would knew that she could move around the arena and crew as she wanted which is fucking weird not to have as a girlfriend especially if you’re apparently on tour for many dates. This also mean she couldn’t join them when she wanted but had to contact Jeff or Harry before so they could give her a lanyards for that specific date or a sticker with AAA. Sometimes she wore a lanyard but that was literally the VIP lanyard that you got when you bought a VIP ticket like any other fan. Didn’t mean she could move freely around the venue. Even weirder is that she put that AAA sticker on the back of her phone after she left tour 2018 and placed it obviously in lots of her insta stories and posts on insta (one where you can see that sticker is still up). Fan behavior not that of a real girlfriend!
Camilles mum followed Hamille shipper accounts at one point and liked a post of them. After that shippers were unbearable. Which mum follows a shipper account on insta? 😬
What I also find weird is that she was barely working and when she did she posted only like 2 about it. I mean it’s part of her job to post stuff like that?! But she went radio silent more often then not to let fans guess if she was with him or if she would turn up somewhere.
Her friends who are all are well in their 30s or older made often „jokes“ about Harry or implied stuff about him or 1D and posted this on their stories and she was laughing with them most of the time... what a girlfriend huh...
Another thing is, she was never at his house in London. Because she was never at any of the UK dates besides that one gig he did for X -factor. They were not much in London at the same time. And when she was alone in London or with her friend, they literally stayed at an AirBnB or a hotel. So I ask you, why would she as his gf of a few months not stay at his place while she’s in the UK? Or that one time when she was in the UK making it look like she was waiting for him coming back from tour in Asia and he stayed extra long there (a week or two) even after tour in Asia finished and she was in London. But he went rather out partying in London. I don’t blame him.
When she was at his show in Milan (2017) she met a „fan“ and they took a selfie in the restroom (classy 🥴🤐) during the concert. Idk but this is one thing which is really questionable bc people were speculating she was at this show but we hadn’t gotten pics yet. So that she then took a pic with a „fan“ coincidentally seems really fishy to me. Also that said „regular fan“ had allegedly floor tickets as you could see in the videos and pics she posted in the beginning of the concert. But after the pic with Camille she all of sudden appeared on the balcony as well, close to where Camille and more VIP guests were. So how did she end up there if she didn’t have connections or was told to take a pic with her so then being on the balcony was her „reward“? To add this woman was close to Camilles age so this scenario makes just less and less sense the longer you think about it.
In May she was still on tour with her then bf in Tokio. In July just two weeks before they were seen together for the first time that awkward Grimmy interview happened. Where he specifically asked about her. And Harry said he „ didn’t know her“. Fucking weird to bring up such a private topic on radio and then be seen not even 2 weeks later. (Not gonna argue on that one, it’s the same like the wedding weekend pap walk just more subtle).
Then there were so many pics of him backstage at that concert, pics with fans, official pics, „sneaky fan sightings“ in the audience... He looked rather uncomfortable holding her shoulders while she was dancing. We know Harry goes often to concerts but when did we ever get so many pics from one? Mostly it’s a blurry pic of him or one backstage pic with the artist, not like the ones we got and certainly not that many. Plus we got an relationship article the day after.
Funny is also how he was on vacation in Muskoka with the Gerbers and Anne at the end of July 2017 shortly before the first spotting of Hamille and Camille no where to be seen.
Now I‘m gonna point out inconsistencies and such might be in chronological order, might be not.
I think the next time we saw them was a „sneaky fan pic“ (just the two of them) without a source from Beverly Hills hotel at lunch. Her friend Lauren posted a instastory being at that hotel right then and there and deleted the story like 5 minutes afterwards. She wasn’t in the pic of the „fan“ so my bet is she was the one taking the pic.
Coming to the stunt props. The „ring“ he was suddenly wearing on his pinky was from Camille. She only wore it once for a photoshoot in 2013 and then all of a sudden she wore it in every story she posted for the next 2 weeks right BEFORE he was wearing it and literally made such a show out of showing that ring that it was so cringey to watch at.
Not to forget his Pink Floyd shirt that was featured in his Rolling Stones mag interview that she not only wore but posted a few instastorys with showing it up close so every Harry fan could identify it from the distinctive holes in it.
Funny was the times she wore „his necklace“ and again posted several stories wearing it and even went to an event with it that Kendall wore before. After people pointed the connection to Kendall out, she never wore it again 😂😂 Harry being papped leaving a gym while wearing Camilles ex shirt was peak comedy.
Camille making a post saying „goodbye“ to her friend Lauren before Christmas in a really distinctive fur coat. Then New Years dinner pics with Jeff, Camille and co came out. Harry looking bored as always around her. Then the weirdest thing: he took fan pics while holding Camilles distinctive fur coat in his hands in every fucking pic. And it wasn’t that cold to wear a fur coat! Why couldn’t she hold it herself while he took the pics or Jeff or put it on the chair beside him? That wasn’t really slick of them.
Then Camille having a girls trip to Corsica and literally posting so fucking often being girls only in cars an what not. Harry was in London out with Mitch and was also seen on other occasions so I assume he went to Corsica for maybe 2 days max to get pics in. (Her cousin/ goddaughter of her mum posted a pic with Harry in Corsica in 2018 from that time). Mind you they could have just „dating“ for maybe 5 week’s max at that time bc they were never at the same place at the same time before maybe late June, and that’s when Robin died and he was home so I doubt that’s when they met. I assume 1.st proper meeting was in early July or after the Grimmy interview.
Harry filmed the Manchester special for his album in Manchester literally right before he went to HC with Camille. Yet Grimmy, one of his best friends at least at that time, never followed her or hung out together.
The next thing is her being in Holmes Chapel. She hinted at it on insta, like she did EVERY time she would be around Harry. Also appearing in every pic of him in the background when she was around. Even posted a story of random people with Harry’s voice in the background. That’s also a point why it was so obviously fake.
She posted in a train and captioned it with something like „England ❤️“ and then a cow (similar to Olivia with the hedgehog and caption) and then appeared in every pic we got of him that weekend.
She turned up to several of his shows, yet NEVER to his hometown shows (neither London or Manchester) where all his family and friends were at. She also only followed people beneficial to her career like Lambert, Jeff and co but never anyone of his real friends or family even though Gemma followed her after Christmas 2017 (which was taken as the „proof“ that they spend Christmas in HC🤦🏻♀️ and we got this photoshopped pic of Hamille which turned out was an old pic of originally Harry and Gemma. Glenne also never followed her and Camille was also never seen with Glenne it was only ever Jeff around and people noticed that (probably why we got now the joyride etc including Glenne).
Ok so what do we have next? The charity gig where his mum celebrated her 50th bday with everyone wearing a yellow flower crown. Everyone besides Camille. She wasn’t invited and just was brought to them while Harry was already singing a song, Gemma looking annoyed in the video her friend posted. Before Harry’s set was over someone came and took Camille with them again while Anne, Gemma and co stayed in the crowd. So why was she even going to them and didn’t stay backstage if she clearly wasn’t invited to celebrate with Anne and co and left before Harry even finished his set. We got also pics of a bday dinner with Anne, Harry, Gemma and all the friends from the concert but without Camille. This was also the gig where he was groped on stage.
After that charity gig in late October Harry went to tour in Europe. He stopped wearing the ring and seemed happier than before somehow. I went to the Cologne show and let me tell you, it was fucking nuts! His energy and the way he was smirking all the time not to forget Kiwi twice.
You’d think Camille would have been quiet now on sm that Harry wasn’t around, but it was exactly the opposite! It was like as if she had to remind everyone that that „relationship“ was still „on“ after he ditched that ring bc she was literally unbearable on insta. We got her and friends singing SOTT on karaoke (while she was wearing the Kendall necklace like mentioned previously), then she did a whole photoshoot (sorry but that’s just what it was) with her friends Djuna + Nik whit a very distinctive blue totebag Harry was carrying around just a week or two before while meeting fans in LA and she did the same thing like she did with the ring and posed with that bag in every angle. As if all that wasn’t enough in the space of 3 days she then celebrated Halloween with her friends and 2 or 3 of them wore costumes that reminded of 1D and Harry. All this happened between his cologne show and Halloween. Trolling at its best.
Then Camille decided to turn up to tour in Europe but she didn’t choose days when he actually had time off (even though she evidently didn’t do anything in LA besides trolling the last few days) so she decided to pop up when Harry had shows back to back and needed to travel to them as they were all over Europe. He had two more Berlin 7.11. and an event in London on the 6th) before she turned up on 8.11. in Amsterdam where she met Ella his cousin who followed Camille then (but Camille never followed back), 9.11. Italy x-factor, 10.11. Milan , 11.11. London X-Factor). He clearly didn’t have any time then which gets even more ridiculous if you know that she was back in LA by Monday the 13th the latest bc a photographer „exposed“ her being on set early that day. So why did she even bother turning up to tour that time when she could have done earlier and be at his homeshows?
Another thing is, when Harry went to NYC at the end of January 2018 to perform with Fleetwood Mac he didn’t take her instead he took Jeff and Xander was there as well. But no Camille. Right before was one of the rare times they got papped. Harry as always looking irritated around her. And them looking as if the soccer mom collected her son from practice😂
On his b-day her friend Lauren posted Camille chilling at their home reading and hanging out with her. Harry was officially MIA but a good friend of mine actually saw him while walking her dog the next day in Hampstead rather covered up with another guy (assuming his trainer or PA) trying not to be seen. She is not a huge fan of Harry and only knows him bc I‘ m a fan but she texted me right away saying something was weird about how he was trying to not be seen.
And on cue allegedly someone (real estate Agent from London) said he was on her flight to London over a week later (even though I knew he was already there for a while).
So the last time they were actually seen together was the day they were papped (I think that was even the day of the Grammys).
Then the thing about her quitting smoking bc she was „ dating“ Harry 🤣🤣. The way she even lied about that. She posted a video and made a few instastorys throughout that year to say how long she didn’t smoke at that time „bla, bla, bla“ and Harries ate that shit up. She was caught so many times lying in regards to that. Her friends and co were the ones to always expose her accidentally. She appeared in so many stories in her friends stories were she smoked a cigarette and not „just“ a juul like she always liked to pretend (not that a juul would be any better lol). Harry probably didn’t like it when he had to be around her for longer periods of time and she would smoke around him or smell of smoke so she had to pretend she cared for his sake and quit publicly. To say is also that she publicly started smoking again after she came back from tour end of March/beginning of April 2018.
Now speaking of the big tour in 2018. Camille seemed to had joined tour again at some point. She was at the Paris show like mentioned earlier but then only joined tour 2 dates or something later in. Someone „exposed“ her of staying with friends in each city she went on tour with at that time instead of staying with him. I think he also got fed up with her bc Harry & band + some of the crew went to museums in each city. But of course Camille had to post something every time they were at a museum and so it didn’t take long till fans caught on and turned up en masse in these museums so he couldn’t go there anymore. I would have been pissed too if I were him. And girls who’s dad is the director of one of the museums did meet Harry at the museum and he invited them to the show and backstage. These girls said Harry and Camille didn’t look or behave like a couple at the museum, he was mostly around the band and she on her own. And backstage the same thing. She was kinda just there and nothing more. Not long after that she left tour and only turned up at the Ireland show and then later the NYC and LA one.
Speaking of the Ireland show, that must have been the most awkward thing ever. I saw a few videos from people who did constantly film the side of the stage and she is staying alone there with the sound guys while Mabel was performing and Harry was standing backstage with Jeff and the band, watching Mabel and preparing for their prank they did on Mabel.
Twice Harry is walking past Camille and didn’t even acknowledge her. She was once again just standing there. You could almost feel bad for her, but only almost. Then he went to prank Mabel on stage with the rest of the band and was so affectionate with Mabel something you never saw him be with Camille.
After that show the trolling did turn down a bit for a while but like 2 days before the concert she posted a Mick Jagger pic and everyone knew she would turn up in NYC. And she proved us right bc she posted about being on a plane the minute she stepped foot in said plane 🤦🏻♀️. At the show itself she was in the crowd/pit with with Xander, Waseem, Matt Hitt & Jeff but Jeff had to fetch her again a lanyard at first for that day bc she still hadn’t one although allegedly „dating“ him for nearly a year at that time. You’d think she had one for the whole tour but nope. And after the concert Harry was once again out with friends while she stayed with another friend in NYC. Between the NYC and LA show she was seen being cosy with Alexander Skarsgard and then her now bf Theo Niarchos. To the LA show she turned up with Djuna, Nik and another friend. All of them sat up pretty high in the nosebleeds while Kendall and co where in the family and friends lounge right above pit. And Camille and co left a little earlier before the show finished and left through the front entrance. Suspicious is also that the „break up“ was announced like exactly on the year mark of the start their „relationship“. Sorry that I wrote so much. And I probably still missed a lot but I hope it’s gotten clear what I mean.
I'm still reading this through but wanted to post for those asking about it!!
Thank you!
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SS Tily does not lay claim to Lover; a thesis
I thought this would take me longer but y’all, I’m done with Part 2 of my Gaylor analyses. Unfortunately this chapter brings bad news for Tily nation. I honestly don’t think many of the songs on Lover are about that relationship. But I also think it’s not as simple as the mainstream Kaylor narrative would have us believe. Let’s dive into this, shall we?
First things first. I think it’s worth noting that many of the songs on this album are not about romantic relationships at all. Like it’s a bit of a marketing ploy to portray it as an album primarily about romantic love when so many songs explicitly aren’t about that feeling. In fact, there are more themes on Lover than on any of her earlier stuff - it’s something she expands on in folklore.
I Forgot That You Existed, The Man, The Archer (which I firmly believe is about her debating coming out), Miss Americana & the Heartbreak Prince (very obviously about the political situation generally and supported by the doccie title), London Boy, Soon You’ll Get Better, YNTCD, and ME! are all about explicitly different themes. Obviously there are a couple references within those (like ME! has that line about “I never leave well enough alone” which reappears on the 1, and The Archer mentions someone “staying” but I still think ME! is about self-love not romantic love and The Archer is about personal anxiety around identity). Fundamentally, they are not love songs.
I don’t think that’s really up for debate. The only one I can see anyone - say Toes or like hardcore Tily fans - debating is London Boy. Unfortunately for my Tily babes, I do think it’s satire that serves as a homage to Joe and the other British beards, and possibly riffs a teeny bit on her time with Lily. Contrary to some gold medalists in Kaylor mental gymnastics, I fully believe Tay does make reference to Joe in her lyrics (I’ve mentioned the fictional verse for Dress and the reference to “keeping him” in Ready for It). This really doesn’t have any of the hallmarks of Tily songs off of Rep. The British references in CIWYW, KOMH and Delicate are subtle and chilled and actually quite cute. London Boy is an onslaught of non-sequiturs about London, the UK and her beards. Also “stories from uni” fits both Joe and Tom H, but it doesn’t fit Lily who never went to university. All her Lily songs are about hiding out in private; London Boy is all about galavanting around town with “his” friends (Lily and Tay had the same friends though?) It’s simply not about the same person or the same relationship.
I do think there’s a chance it could be poking fun (lightly) at Lily/that period she spent in London because as I’ve already said I think Tay is not above shading ex-girlfriends and it seems like the kind of thing Karlie would’ve also found a bit funny. I think when she got back together with Karlie - which almost definitely happened - she would’ve 100% laughed about the “say you fancy me not fancy stuff” era. That would explain the recurrence of both Motown and queen imagery, which first appeared on KOMH. But where KOMH felt very genuine and authentic, this one is obviously meant to be funny.
Right. So. Now that we’ve established 8 songs are about other themes, let’s get the Kaylor songs sorted: Cruel Summer, Cornelia Street, DBATC, False God and Daylight are all undeniably about Karlie fucking Kloss. They all feature the images and tropes and hallmarks that pepper Karlie songs. They all have the same kinds of emotions. And they paint a pretty sad, troubling and complex picture.
Cruel Summer comes first and seems to mostly be about their first breakup, which she first referred to on DWOHT. We have Tay once again begging Karlie to stay and work it out and not being certain for sure about her feelings.
We say that we'll just screw it up in these trying times
We're not trying (Oh yeah, you're right, I want it)
I mean that’s super sad. Tay’s saying they discussed how they’ll fuck it all up, and she’s feeling like they’re not even trying to fix things. You also have that “I want it” which is interesting considering the “we” that preceded it. “We’re” not trying because only “I want it”. Ouch.
Killing me slow, out the window
I'm always waiting for you to be waiting below
Devils roll the dice, angels roll their eyes
What doesn't kill me makes me want you more
And it's new, the shape of your body
It's blue, the feeling I've got
And it's ooh, whoa oh
It's a cruel summer
It's cool, that's what I tell 'em
No rules in breakable heaven
But ooh, whoa oh
It's a cruel summer
With you
Here we have “I’m always waiting for you” which yet again suggests Tay is the one who’s more invested. Then we have the shape of “your” body (which is a familiar concept from Dress), but the feeling it gives her here is blue here not gold - maybe that’s why the shape is new? In the past Karlie’s body made her feel golden but now it’s a bluer, sadder feeling. Blue starts recurring more frequently on these late era Kaylor songs. There’s a possible alternate reading, which is blue = Swiftgron (“my love had been frozen deep blue”). It’s a nice theory but it just doesn’t gel with the garden gate below. Also, while both relationships seem to have been colored by commitment issues, the premise of unrequitedness doesn’t really feature on the songs about Di. She asks Di to stay, tells her she’s thinking of her, and they’re “too in love to think straight” but Tay never says Karlie loves her back. Ever. It’s never expressly mutual.
I'm drunk in the back of the car
And I cried like a baby coming home from the bar (Oh)
Said, "I'm fine," but it wasn't true
I don't wanna keep secrets just to keep you
And I snuck in through the garden gate
Every night that summer just to seal my fate (Oh)
And I scream, "For whatever it's worth
I love you, ain't that the worst thing you ever heard?"
He looks up, grinning like a devil
Look at that fourth line. It perfectly fits with the Kaylor narrative on Rep and it doesn’t fit the Tily songs at all. She wanted to keep that second relationship private and secret and hidden. And here she’s saying “I don’t want to keep secrets” - this is take two of “I don’t want you like a best friend”. Also the “for whatever it’s worth” reminds me of “here’s the truth” from End Game. It’s the kind of thing you’d say in the midst of a fight.
Then we have her screaming “I love you” and receiving no reply as usual beyond a devilish grin. The more I do these analyses the less I understand how or why Kaylor gets romanticized in the way it does, while Swiftgron gets bashed for toxicity. Like my girl Tay has a thing for chaotic lesbians with commitment issues and Kaylor seems like it was WILD.
Back to the lyrics, this time let’s look at Kaylor anthem Cornelia Street:
We were in the backseat
Drunk on something stronger than the drinks in the bar
"I rent a place on Cornelia Street"
I say casually in the car
We were a fresh page on the desk
Filling in the blanks as we go
As if the street lights pointed in an arrowhead
Leading us home
I find this whole song really interesting because it features one of Tay’s favorite ideas - glamorizing normal people things. It’s like the time with the “motel bar” in Getaway Car. Like she 100% was thrilled to be able to say “I’m renting this apartment” - never mind that it’s basically a whole ass house. I actually think the above verse is really beautiful. I know I give Kaylor a lot of shit but obviously there were beautiful moments and Tay had/has plenty of good memories.
And I hope I never lose you, hope it never ends
I'd never walk Cornelia Street again
That's the kind of heartbreak time could never mend
I'd never walk Cornelia Street again
And baby, I get mystified by how this city screams your name
And baby, I'm so terrified of if you ever walk away
I'd never walk Cornelia Street again
I'd never walk Cornelia Street again
I mean frankly this verse above is super insecure in the standard Kaylor way. Tay’s saying she’s terrified of Karlie walking away and that she “hopes” she never loses her. The tone is sad, forlorn and a little desperate. I also think it’s interesting that she says she’d never walk Cornelia Street again, and that the city screams Karlie’s name and then on hoax she goes ahead and says she left a part of herself back in New York. It’s almost like her fears and anxieties did prove justified. Poor baby.
Windows flung right open, autumn air
Jacket 'round my shoulders is yours
We bless the rains on Cornelia Street
Memorize the creaks in the floor
Back when we were card sharks, playing games
I thought you were leading me on
I packed my bags, left Cornelia Street
Before you even knew I was gone
But then you called, showed your hand
I turned around before I hit the tunnel
Sat on the roof, you and I
Those first four lines seem to be about the good again, and I’m happy for them. I really do think they had good times. Those four lines make me think of parts of YAIL and the toast and weekends and stuff.
The rest of this verse though seems to be about the first split and subsequent reunion. “I thought you were leading me on” she says, and I “left Cornelia Street” presumably to go to London. But then Karlie called her back, “showed her hand” and Tay “turned around” before she reached the point of no return and they worked it out. “Sat on the roof, you and I” is similar in content to “up on the roof with a schoolgirl crush” but very different in tone. She’s not peppy here, she’s not positive. It’s a little bit tortured - and then it continues with “hoping it never ends”. The reappearance of the Tily imagery on Kaylor 2.0 songs makes sense to me, again, because discussing exes in the same social circle as you is just blatant lesbian culture. It makes complete sense that these two women are on Taylor’s mind. She has really really deep feelings for Karlie but she enjoyed the more simple and straightforward relationship she had with Lily.
DBATC is the Kaylor 1.0 breakup anthem:
Saying goodbye is death by a thousand cuts
Flashbacks waking me up
I get drunk, but it's not enough
'Cause the morning comes and you're not my baby
I look through the windows of this love
Even though we boarded them up
Chandelier's still flickering here
'Cause I can't pretend it's okay when it's not
It's death by a thousand cuts
We have her getting drunk to forget, trying to say “I’m fine” when it’s not true, and just generally missing Karlie.
I dress to kill my time, I take the long way home
I mean, this is Cornelia Street (“never walk here again”) and Dress all over again. It’s the two ideas from before but now on the other side, because they’re actually broken up.
And what once was ours is no one's now
I see you everywhere, the only thing we share
Is this small town
You said it was a great love, one for the ages
But if the story's over, why am I still writing pages?
“I see you everywhere” is very “this city screams your name” and I think “small town” is a metaphor for their social circle. The last two lines are just Tay being hung up on Karlie. She was writing pages in Cornelia Street as well, so this whole idea of telling a story with Karlie is another recurrent image.
My heart, my hips, my body, my love
Tryna find a part of me that you didn't touch
Gave up on me like I was a bad drug
Now I'm searching for signs in a haunted club
Our songs, our films, united, we stand
Our country, guess it was a lawless land
Quiet my fears with the touch of your hand
Paper cut stings from our paper-thin plans
My time, my wine, my spirit, my trust
Tryna find a part of me you didn't take up
Gave you so much, but it wasn't enough
But I'll be alright, it's just a thousand cuts
I mean this is the usual obsession, desperation and general pining Tay has for Karlie. We also have Karlie touching her briefly, which is something she has spoken about before and is really into. Paper-thin plans is probably about the plans to make it work? We have that image reparations later in hoax so I think it’s most likely about Karlie bailing on Tay’s PR game and doing her own thing and/or Karlie’s (accidental?) involvement in the masters heist.
Also, this whole song is very sad but it’s not on the level of desperation I would expect if Tay wasn’t rebounding hard and if they didn’t reunite. She’s pretty sad about how the whole thing went down but she does say she’ll “be alright” which is the opposite of “that’s the kind of heartbreak time could never mend”. I think she wrote this after the first breakup and Cornelia Street came later, after they were back together. That’s when she really went all in into this relationship. It still wasn’t enough.
False God is about their reunion:
We were crazy to think
Crazy to think that this could work
Remember how I said I'd die for you?
We were stupid to jump
In the ocean separating us
Remember how I'd fly to you?
We know Tay ran away to Europe after the mess of 2016 and here she jumps into the ocean separating them and flies back to Karlie. The idea of it being “crazy” that it could work is also a recurrent fear/anxiety she has with regards to Karlie. “I had a bad feeling,” remember?
And I can't talk to you when you're like this
Staring out the window like I'm not your favorite town
I'm New York City, I still do it for you, babe
They all warned us about times like this
They say the road gets hard and you get lost
When you're led by blind faith, blind faith
They’re figuring things out, and Tay is New York - Karlie’s favorite city. “I still do it for you” is an admission of affection, which rarely happens in Kaylor songs, but it’s so sexual that I don’t find it shocking or out of character.
But we might just get away with it
Religion's in your lips
Even if it's a false god
We'd still worship
We might just get away with it
The altar is my hips
Even if it's a false god
We'd still worship this love
I mean sex songs are just peak Kaylor and this is all just so so so gay and I don’t understand how hets can make it make srnse. “We might just get away with it” is the usual Kaylor anxiety by the way.
I know heaven's a thing
I go there when you touch me, honey
Hell is when I fight with you
But we can patch it up good
Make confessions and we're begging for forgiveness
Got the wine for you
And you can't talk to me when I'm like this
Daring you to leave me just so I can try and scare you
You're the West Village
You still do it for me, babe
They all warned us about times like this
They say the road gets hard and you get lost
When you're led by blind faith, blind faith
Standard Kaylor imagery with sensual touching, wine and New York and a direct reference to Karlie’s apartment. I think “make confessions and we’re begging for forgiveness” appears to refer to the reunion.
Daylight is a very beautiful love song for Karlie. The “golden”, the bodies intertwining, New York, and the depth of her emotions all fit the Kaylor story and narrative. I think she wrote this when they were back together. It’s also, as is common with the Kaylor songs, squarely from Tay’s perspective. She wrote it alone, and I think specifically for Karlie when they reunited. Very pretty, very nice. I mean they ended up breaking up and that was bound to happen in like every other song but when they were good Tay did create some gems and they were very happy. I love this song and I do like aspects of Kaylor’s time together.
Now we get onto the songs that don’t neatly fit Kaylor.
Afterglow could be a Kaylor song. But it could also be about the breakup with her rebound. It’s not only by Tay, so we’re looking for broad themes rather than specifics necessarily.
Hey, it's all me, in my head
I'm the one who burned us down
But it's not what I meant
Sorry that I hurt you
I don't wanna do, I don't wanna do this to you (Ooh)
I don't wanna lose, I don't wanna lose this with you (Ooh)
I need to say, hey, it's all me, just don't go
Meet me in the afterglow
I don’t know that this sounds like the Kaylor breakup we heard about. It’s a different premise to False God, DBATC and Cornelia Street. In all of those songs it was a mutual breakup/misunderstanding. “I can’t talk to you” and then “you can’t talk to me” in False God is a two-way communication issue. DBATC goes off at Karlie for taking up every part of her and “giving up on me”. Cornelia Street said Tay thought Karlie was “leading her on” but that was resolved. Then Afterglow goes and lays all the blame on Tay.
I lived like an island, punished you with silence
Went off like sirens, just crying
Why'd I have to break what I love so much?
It's on your face, don't walk away, I need to say
Hey, it's all me, in my head
I'm the one who burned us down
I mean this really does sound like it’s Tay fucking up badly. Not wanting to let the other person in, taking it out on them, hurting her lover.
It's so excruciating to see you low
Just wanna lift you up and not let you go
This ultraviolet morning light below
Tells me this love is worth the fight, oh
This really doesn’t sound like the Kaylor fear and stress. It sounds like the cerebral and emotional connection from Rep. “It’s so excruciating to see you low” seems tied up with the heart to hearts and conversations she was having in those secondary songs on Rep.
Tell me that you're still mine
Tell me that we'll be just fine
Even when I lose my mind
I need to say
Tell me that it's not my fault
Tell me that I'm all you want
Even when I break your heart
I need to say
This just seems like a very different plan for fixing things than the one outlined in the Kaylor songs (which is “let’s bone”). Also “I break your heart” is an anxiety that seems to parallel the burgeoning love in Delicate, KOMH and CIWYW. It doesn’t seem like a Kaylor fear because Tay is always the one who wants Karlie more. I believe this is mostly a Tily breakup song.
Then we get the three happy songs on the album: Lover, I Think He Knows and Paper Rings. It’s actually pretty intense that there are only three peppy, romantic songs on an album largely touted by Gaylors and Hetlors alike as being about a happy long term relationship.
You want my controversial explanation for these songs? They’re fictional. All three are extremely vague and lacking in any of the Karlie/other person imagery. They’re like New Year’s Day and some of the early stuff.
I Think He Knows is a very hetro song. It physically pains me to say that, it really does, but nothing about it seems gay to me. I guess “boyish look” is something you could say about some women but that’s really a reach. Also it’s just very much not a relatable lesbian emotion. I’ve never met a queer woman being like “yeah I think she KNOWS, you know?” about her girlfriend. “She’s so obsessed with me and boy I understand” would make no sense. Us sapphics are compulsive overthinkers. And that’s what comes across on all her songs about Karlie and about Di and even those Tily songs from Rep. That’s largely why Tay’s stuff is so damn gay.
Tay’s permanently anxious - even on her love songs, there’s a thread of anxiety running through it all. This song is missing any of that anxiety. This song also has so, so many male pronouns…. And “I am an architect, I'm drawing up the plans” is an objectively weird thing to say about a relationship. It just doesn’t strike me as sapphic, and it definitely doesn’t strike me as being about Karlie lr Lily or Di. Also Nashville is 16th Avenue and I don’t know why any of the women would be associated with Nashville.
That Nashville reference makes me think that maybe the song is inspired by the music industry generally? If you go look at 16th Avenue by Lacy J. Dalton, there’s a clear narrative about the music industry. I think it’s possible that Tay’s song is referencing the love she feels for and from the music industry and her fans. That would tie into the architectural plans, being 17 (she often speaks about being stuck at that age because it’s when she got famous), and “he’s so obsessed with me” makes sense when you’re AOTD. Even the “attitude” line makes sense in this interpretation.
This bit:
Lyrical smile, indigo eyes, hand on my thigh
We can follow the sparks, I'll drive
Lyrical smile, indigo eyes, hand on my thigh
We can follow the sparks, I'll drive
"So where we gonna go?"
I whisper in the dark
"Where we gonna go?"
I think he knows
Is a little harder to make sense of and seems like it could maybe be about Lily or at least inspired by her - there’s the car/driving theme from the secondary Rep relationship and Lily does have indigo eyes (they’re way bluer than Joe’s). So maybe she used images and diaries from that period to add to the story about Nashville? But overall this smugness just doesn’t strike me as very gay and in general the song doesn’t seem to be about any one woman in her history. Also “better lock it down or I won’t stick around” is so very hetro and like… untortured.
Paper Rings is not about Karlie but I also don’t think it’s about Lily.
The moon is high
Like your friends were the night that we first met
Went home and tried to stalk you on the internet
Now I've read all of the books beside your bed
The wine is cold
Like the shoulder that I gave you in the street
Cat and mouse for a month or two or three
Now I wake up in the night and watch you breathe
This is not about Karlie. We’ve heard repeatedly that they fell in love at first sight so “month or two or three” is kinda wild? Like they full on U-Hauled it with the Big Sur trip and Tay moving to New York and Karlie basically moving into her apartment. They were never cat and mouse? Also Karlie was a supermodel by the time they met one another so “trying to stalk you on the internet” seems a bit of an odd way to phrase it. There would’ve been plenty to find. They both had big reputations. Moreover, they had multiple mutual friends so “your friends” is also an odd turn of phrase. How does this verse fit any aspect of the Kaylor love story?
In the winter, in the icy outdoor pool
When you jumped in first, I went in too
I'm with you even if it makes me blue
Which takes me back
To the color that we painted your brother's wall
Honey, without all the exes, fights, and flaws
We wouldn't be standing here so tall, so
This is also very not Kaylor lol except for the tall part. The chilled out hanging out and swimming and wall painting sounds more like the songs about Tily on Rep.
I like shiny things, but I'd marry you with paper rings
Uh huh, that's right
Darling, you're the one I want, and
I hate accidents except when we went from friends to this
Uh huh, that's right
Darling, you're the one I want
In paper rings in picture frames in dirty dreams
Oh, you're the one I want
This seems like it could be Tily because of the “we went from friends to this” (Kaylor were never friends, and had no intention of being friends, they’ve literally only ever dated). But I’m not sure Tay ever wanted to marry Lily? That’s not what comes across in the other Tily songs.
I want to drive away with you
I want your complications too
I want your dreary Mondays
Wrap your arms around me, baby boy
The driving and the chilledness is similar to the Tily songs but I’m still not sold. It really doesn’t feel particularly authentic.
Also, I know I mostly do lyric analysis but I’d like to include this quote from Tay about the song: “This song talks about true love, and if you really find true love, you probably don't really care what the symbolism of that love is. Material things wouldn't matter to you anymore if you found someone that you just wanted to live your life with.” The quote is distinctly hypothetical. “You probably don’t really care” “wouldn’t” “if you found”....
My gut says this is based around positive romantic relationships she has had but is extrapolated to a rosy conclusion. One day, Tay’s gonna want to marry someone with paper rings. But for now it’s a fictional hypothetical. None of the details fit any of her relationships. It’s made up. That’s why it includes the “baby boy” line... because it’s fiction.
And now for the really hot take… Lover is equally made up, although she was - again - inspired by her real relationships.
We could leave the Christmas lights up 'til January
This is our place, we make the rules
And there's a dazzling haze, a mysterious way about you, dear
Have I known you twenty seconds or twenty years?
This is continuing the themes from New Year’s Day which always strikes me as a “what if” rather than an actual ode to one of the muses. That final line seems like it could be about Karlie but the absolute calmness with which she sings makes it seem like it’s not about her. The mysterious way is also a brand new image and considering how much she sings about Karlie you would’ve thought we’d have had that image at least once before?
Can I go where you go?
Can we always be this close forever and ever?
And ah, take me out and take me home
You're my, my, my, my
Lover
I mean this doesn’t sound like Kaylor. Part of the anxiety there is always about going places together and being seen. It does have bits that seem like Tily to me; “take me out and take me home” kind of reminds me of the “meet me in the back” and “can we always be this close” seems similar to “is it chill that you’re in my head?”
We could let our friends crash in the living room
This is our place, we make the call
And I'm highly suspicious that everyone who sees you wants you
I've loved you three summers now, honey, but I want 'em all
The first three lines could be about either Karlie or Lily although I don’t know if Tily had “their place”. Kaylor definitely did.
That last line… is kinda why I think this is mostly fiction. I mean we know it doesn’t make sense for Toe. We know that. And I know about the gymnastics to fit it as a Kaylor song. But the thing is, even if she wrote it around the time that they went away to Wyoming, why wouldn’t she update it when recording it? It literally doesn’t fit the Toe timeline so it can’t be that she wanted it for that. She could’ve made it vague. But no she says “three summers”. Where else have we heard about “three summers”?
September saw a month of tears
And thankin' God that you weren't here
To see me like that
But in a box beneath my bed
Is a letter that you never read
From three summers back
It's hard not to find it all a little bitter sweet
That’s from Tim McGraw.
She just likes that image. It recurs. It’s not about Karlie, and it’s not about Lily, and it’s obviously not about Joe. It’s just a pretty turn of phrase. She loves counting in summers and Cruel Summers and the summer in Betty/august…. It’s not something she associates with one person.
Ladies and gentlemen, will you please stand?
With every guitar string scar on my hand
I take this magnetic force of a man to be my
Lover
My heart's been borrowed and yours has been blue
All's well that ends well to end up with you
Swear to be over-dramatic and true to my
Lover
This whole wedding bit doesn’t make sense for either Kaylor or Tily or Swiftgron. Like she’s constantly questioning Karlie’s commitment to her. And you want me to believe she’s singing vows? Lol no.
And you'll save all your dirtiest jokes for me
And at every table, I'll save you a seat
Lover
Very cute. Very non-specific. Not about any one partner.
So this supposed ode/serenade to Karlie doesn’t feature any of the images associated with her and doesn’t include any details that actively fit their relationship arc as described elsewhere except for jealousy and possibly love at first sight.
These three peppy love songs - which make up the minority of songs on the album - are about Taylor’s manifestations for the future. ITHK could be about the industry more generally. The other two are describing what she wants and what she pictures as ideal for a relationship.
So conclusions: a large chunk of the songs on Lover aren’t about romance. Many, many are about Karlie. Afterglow could be about Lily and some of the regrets Tay had about the split. Paper Rings, I Think He Knows and Lover aren’t about anyone in particular.
Last thought: I agree that It’s Nice To Have a Friend is about lesbians generally. But also possibly about Karlie, in which case the final verse is Karlie choosing the marriage with Josh and in that case the song is fucking devastating and heartbreaking. But tbh a lot about Kaylor is so it’s no surprise 🤷🏻♀️
---------------------------------------------------
As usual, I’m up to discuss this. Do you agree? Disagree? Let’s talk! xx
#tily nation where you at#tily#taylorswift#lyric analysis#lover#taylor swift#gaylor swift#kaylor#lover analysis
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Stay or Sail Away (1/6)
Here comes part one the modern AU fake dating Geraskier fic that I talked about in this post. I’d like to post each part daily. Tagging @geraskier-trashh as requested! :D
***
It’s not that Jaskier has any problem finding someone, thank you very much. It’s just that he’s busy. Busy with concerts and composing, meeting fans at various events, travelling, internet dramas involving Valdo (it’s always fucking Valdo). There’s no time for a relationship, only for occasional one night stands that sometimes that leave him heartbroken because he actually manages to fall in love with someone in the span of a few hours. It’s fine, though. Heartbreak inspires him like little else.
Jaskier's never complained about lack of bed partners, when he seeks them out. He’s charming, after all. Still, the moment he hears “commitment”, he flees. It’s just not his way. Or perhaps he’s never found anyone fascinating enough to commit to; it takes a lot to keep his attention. He wasn’t even looking for someone like that. Not until recently.
His troubles began a week ago, during a phone call with his mum. She reminded him of his father’s 65th birthday party and asked if he would bring anyone with him. This was followed by a series of questions about his love life because, as his mum put it, “you’re 35, Julian darling, and you’re always working so hard! I worry you’ll end up alone”. In order to placate her, Jaskier might’ve lied a little tiny bit about some things. As a result, because of all the twists and turns of the conversation, he made his mother believe he had a fiancé.
A fucking fiancé.
Wanda Pankratz was ecstatic, wishing to know everything about her son’s relationship, but he dodged all the further questions by saying that she would meet his love soon enough. She left it at that but, of course, told half the family about it, if the texts and calls from his sisters and aunts were anything to go by.
Hence, The Post.
It’s a bit pathetic and desperate, Jaskier can freely admit, but he has no other choice. His personal guard Zoltan almost pissed himself laughing when Jaskier asked him to pretend to be his fiancé, and not one of his friends knows anyone who would want to do this. Not even his agent Triss could help him out.
It all drove Jaskier to log on his anonymous Facebook account (he is a pretty big name in the UK; better be safe than sorry) and post in one of the big London groups.
“I need urgent help from someone who’d be willing to act as my fiancé during a family party on February the 24th. The only thing I expect is the ability to sing praises of our love and to compliment my aunts. It’ll take around 4 hours and then we end our relationship. Age from 35 to 40. It’d be great if you knew something about the sea because I intend to introduce you as a sailor who’s never home and afterwards, you die. Can anybody help?”
Since yesterday, the post has got more than a thousand reactions (mostly the laughing one and likes) and hundreds of comments. Many people tagged their friends as a joke, which is not helpful, but Jaskier still scrolls down and down, trying not to let his hope die. Nobody seems to think his request is for real and he’s received no serious offers so far. Then, one of the newest comment threads catches his attention.
Lambert Rivia: Geralt Rivia Destiny!
Geralt Rivia Fuck off
Yennefer Vengeberg Omg 😂 Cirilla Vengeberg-Rivia Eskel Rivia you must see this!
Cirilla Vengeberg-Rivia Yesssss!! This is perfect! ❤️
Eskel Rvia Do it Geralt
Geralt Rivia No.
Intrigued, Jaskier decides to check out these people’s profiles. Lambert Rivia is a handsome red-haired man who wears some kind of black military suit in his profile picture. Looking at his bio, Jaskier already knows why Lambert didn’t volunteer himself – he’s in a relationship. Eskel Rivia is blond, even more handsome than Lambert despite facial scars, and also has a photo in a black suit, together with a white cap on his head. There’s no information on Eskel’s relationship status and Jaskier is intrigued indeed. Yennefer Vengeberg is a terrifyingly beautiful woman who, judging how professional her profile picture appears, must work in some serious profession. Cirilla Vengerberg-Rivia is a lovely teenage girl with white-blond hair. Jaskier reckons she’s the daughter of Yennefer and one of the Rivia guys.
He left the poor Geralt’s profile as the last to look at, but now that Jaskier has seen the rest, he checks this one too.
His jaw fucking drops.
Geralt Rivia is a ridiculously handsome man. His face seems practically unreal because, surely, people as beautiful as Geralt don’t actually exist? The man’s long white hair (which makes no sense considering his apparent age), as well as his brown-almost-golden eyes, only add to his otherwordly, stunning appearance. Double stunning in that black military suit he’s wearing in his profile picture, just like Lambert and Eskel. The suit looks familiar and Jaskier has a nagging feeling he really should know what kind of army it is. Google helps him out and he quickly puts two to two – Geralt, Eskel and Lambert serve for the Royal Navy.
He bursts out laughing.
This is too good.
He wonders what he should to about this. Now that he knows about Geralt’s existence, he can’t really miss the chance of meeting him, however slim. His gut feeling tells him not to let the opportunity slip and well, who is Jaskier not to listen?
When he’s in the middle of debating what to write to the man, his phone pings. There’s a new messenger notification... with Geralt’s name. With a racing heart, Jaskier opens the message.
FEB THE 18TH AT 06:14 PM Hey. Everyone’s telling me to message you and won’t leave me alone. Is your request for real? Please say no
Jaskier chuckles and replies:
Hi! I’m sorry they’re bothering you and I’m also sorry to say that my request is very much for real. I’d be forever grateful if you helped me 😁
To this, Geralt responds with:
They really won’t stop until I agree They think it’s so fucking funny
Jaskier purses his lips, already suspecting this isn’t likely to work out. He'll have to face his loving mum and admit that he lied to her about fucking having a fiancé. She’s going to be so disappointed. At the very prospect, bad mood overtakes him, but he still types what he hopes to be a cheerful answer.
Damn, so sorry mate I won’t push you but, again, I’d totally owe you one if you agree ☺️
What would I get?
Jaskier tries to reason with his hope to calm the fuck down and replies:
Money, or a favour of some sort, I have many connections Could be free tickets to my concerts Even my company for the night 😏 Just whatever you want I really need help
Fuck
For a minute or two, the three dots next to Geralt’s photo disappear, and Jaskier’s hope plummets in a dramatic fashion. Then, more messages from Geralt show up in the chat.
Free tickets seem fine My daughter loves going to concerts She’d like free tickets but I never heard of you
Jaskier starts begging any god out there that Cirilla is Geralt’s daughter. Teenagers make up a large part of his audience (which is great, actually; teenage kids are amazing these days). If she’s a fan, the free tickets are a major bargaining chip.
Well, Julian AP isn’t my stage name I don’t use it on fb
What is it? Your stage name
I’d rather not say here And you must promise me you won’t tell anyone about it too Well, anyone but your daughter
Ok
Can you call me? It’s better to talk about this on the phone anyway
Fine.
Jaskier sends Geralt his number and waits for the call. In other circumstances, he’d congratulate himself on getting a man like that to call him so easily, but he’s too anxious. His hands itch for his guitar but he doesn’t get up from his bed. He begins smoothing his hair out with his palms, praying in his mind that Geralt hasn’t changed his mind.
After the agonizing wait of six minutes, there’s an incoming call. Jaskier takes a deep breath and picks up.
“Hello,” says a gravelly baritone voice so pleasant that it sends shivers down Jaskier’s spine.
“Uhm, h-hi, Geralt,” he replies a bit breathlessly, “so, my name’s Julian Alfred Pankratz but I’m known to many as Jaskier.”
There’s a beat of silence. “Jaskier?” Geralt repeats, “the one who sings Her Sweet Kiss?”
Jaskier beams, his chest swelling with pride. “The very same.”
“Fuck,” Geralt growls, “Ciri wants to blast this song whenever we drive somewhere.”
Jaskier laughs. “She would love free tickets to my concerts, wouldn’t she?”
“Yeah.”
Geralt says no more. Jaskier has to swallow down to sop his throat from constricting. “So?” he asks, “Can you do this for me?”
The silence on the other side is deafening and Jaskier doesn’t even breathe until Geralt finally speaks up. “Fine,” he grunts, his tone indicating it’s anything but fine.
Air leaves Jaskier’s lungs in a whoosh, replaced by a flood of such sheer relief that he may as well cry. “Thank you, thank you, thank you!” he babbles, heady with joy, “Gosh, you’re my saviour!”
“Just don’t tell anyone about this,” Geralt grumbles.
“Not a soul, Geralt, not a soul.”
“Send me the details about when and where and let’s get this over w–”
“No, wait!” Jaskier cuts in, “My family’s very perceptive, they’ll know it’s a ruse. We should plan everything carefully.”
“You’re making me regret this,” Gerlt growls.
“I’m sorry!” Jaskier hastens to say. “Just... at least tell me a bit about yourself?”
Geralt lets out an irritated sigh. “I’m forty, serve for the Royal Navy with my brothers. Eskel’s the nice one and Lambert’s the prick. My ex-wife Yennefer works for the government.” Jaskier actually shudders at this one because he already can picture it. Yennefer seems exactly powerful like that. “We have a daughter,” Geralt goes on, his tone softening, “Ciri. She’s fourteen. We live in London but I’m away often.”
“Oh, lovely,” Jaskier says with a wide smile because, really, this man’s love for his daughter is so clear and endearing, “this is something we can start with.”
“Just make everything up about our relationship and send it to me. I’ll play along.”
“Thank you,” he breathes out, still amazed at his luck. Jaskier is almost high on the success of his ingenious scheme and his obligations are therefore non-existent, so nothing stops him from teasing Geralt. “Though, to be completely honest," he says cheekily, "you don’t strike me as the type to sing praises of our love and compliment my aunts.”
“Hmm,” Geralt replies. It doesn’t sound like a negation. “Yen says I’m not that bad if I try.”
The fondness with which he said Yennefer’s name is a cold bucket of water poured on his enthusiasm. “O-oh, ok,” he stutters out, thrown off-track, “So, uhm, would you be willing to try for me?”
For a moment, Geralt says nothing, then answers, “If you give Ciri an autograph.”
Jaskier laughs out loud. “Not a problem at all! Whatever she wants.” He pauses. “Whatever you want,” he adds more seriously.
Geralt only hmms, in a way that Jaskier’s prone-to-romanticism mind would almost call warm. Silence falls between them but it doesn’t feel awkward somehow. “Have to go,” Geralt says.
“Okay,” Jaskier replies quietly, “Thank you again. I’ll text you, yeah?”
“Yeah.”
After Geralt hangs up, Jaskier huffs out a shaky breath. Deep down, he already knows.
This is going to mess him up.
TBC
Part 2
#myfic#geraskier#geralt x jaskier#the witcher#modern au#pretend relationship#fake dating#fanfic#let's call this... the Sailor and the Singer AU xD#the Sailor and the Singer AU
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hey man if it's not too much trouble, could you give us a brief rundown of the Nocturnes? It's just, every morning I wake up and there's a new one, and I Care everyone in this establishment a lot though I don't really know them, thank you kindly have a nice day
let my preface this by saying: aayushi, i love you, and your enthusiasm and interest for the things i create never ceases to bring me joy. you are the kind of friend i think everyone should have and i say that completely genuinely outside of this bit.
i say that as an apology in advance for what i’m about to unleash upon you, because what you’re going to see is the product of my friend @himepapillon and i’s absolute BRAINROT and what comes of it when not only two people make an oc universe from scratch but what happens when we then have to explain that universe to other people
you are in no way required to retain this information as to be completely honest me and jeremie haven’t fully either and we’re the ones who MADE this shitshow. below is the shoddy family tree i lovingly crafted in ms paint
let us begin.
for starters, i’ll specify some things:
1. not every oc on this chart is mine, as it’s a collaboration between me and jeremie - the koenig family and bishop family belong to faer but the rest is all me baby! for the sake of your soul i will only be going into my half of this Mess
2. the universe this takes place in is a pretty wacky and silly one, just, like, Slightly removed from reality. these characters are all completely batshit insane and do things that no human being probably should. it’s all portrayed critically, as the general concept of this whole thing is “the goings-on of a bunch of unhinged corrupt rich people”. we kind of flip flop on how seriously stuff is played but if i had to slap a genre on this it’d be, like, black comedy drama. i know a lot of these concepts sound kinda fucked to write but that’s just because i’m trying to describe them in a SOMEWHAT concise way without going into Super Introspective mode
the nocturnes are an incredibly influential and rich family in the uk that tends to produce very influential and rich people. they’re also all a little bit insane. the main characters of this Saga are the sons of desmond and xanthes, the family’s resident Power Couple and biggest figureheads. they suck ass but that will become apparent the second i talk about their children.
from oldest to youngest, the nocturne boys are:
ichor nocturne, 25 - the eldest, ichor was disowned from the household when he was 18 for unruly behavior, sent to live alone on a farm so he couldn’t tarnish his family’s image any further. since then, you’d think the isolation has driven him a bit mad - he’s a very prolific cotton farmer and has been doing astonishingly well for himself, running his farm on his own with only his parents’ inheritance as help. ...that, and, of course, the blood of the people he executes to keep his crops growing - or so he believes. he moonlights as an executioner in the small town over, exterminating the ‘pests’ of the city. despite his newfound violence, he still routinely checks in on his siblings, finding ways to mysteriously end up at their door to pay visits. the older brother instinct still hasn’t left
icarus nocturne, 23 - the second eldest (only by technicality, as he is a twin), icarus is the family’s golden child! but not in terms of business or anything, oh no - icarus is a famous heartthrob teen (sorta) musician! he’s been in the limelight since he was a little boy, being an actor as a small child and getting into music as he grew. his general Look(tm), accompanied by infectiously happy rave music, is a trademark cutesy mask over his face with oversized clothing - meant to express as much energy as possible as he bounces about the stage. in reality, he lives a life as forced and controlled as possible by virtue of... living the fucked up life of a child star. but his parents have someone to take the fall - so, what of his twin?
achilles nocturne, 23 - icarus’ younger twin, which wouldn’t mean much... in any family but this one. achilles has had it drilled into his head since the beginning that he was a mistake next to icarus, to the point where legally, he does not exist. following icarus beginning his career, achilles was unpersoned completely - living in the family’s basement with the height of his education being for a very specific purpose... needing to be icarus’ body double on tours and for paparazzi - after all, they can’t have icarus’ purity tainted by all those clamboring fans! it’s a godawful situation. on the bright side, though, achilles has found a hobby where he can be himself: twitch streaming! yes really. under the name of 1upanonymous, hidden under a mask just like his brother, achilles at least has a fanbase that can love him for who he is! ...uh, kind of.
tomasine “tommy” nocturne, 16 - the youngest of the bunch, and it says a lot about his siblings’ capabilities that he’s the technical heir to the nocturnes’ various businesses and fortune. tommy is just a feral 16 year old that doesn’t give two shits about any fame or fortune, he just wants to party and drink and have fun like any other kid his age! he’s rebellious, loud, and charmingly annoying (to his brothers anyway), and has no real care for the gravity of his family’s situations beyond finding it annoying that they want him to be all PRIM and PROPER and BUSINESSY EEWWWWW. he’s just a funny loud little child trying to live his best life. loves his brothers fiercely
already a mess of people. and really, all you need to know about or really keep in mind are those four: the upcoming characters are largely just side ones we came up with because we thought it’d be funny to flesh out this fucked up family more. so let’s get into the anatra branch of the family - headed by jael nocturne, xanthes’ brother and the siblings’ uncle
jael anatra-nocturne, who i am not giving an age for my own sanity trying to decipher this fucking timeline - a crude and playful uncle, jael is someone the nocturne boys either love (icarus, tommy) or hate (achilles, ichor). constantly joking, as he expresses affection with loving insults - kind of a money-driven asshole, but a lovable one - he’s a career politician and met his current husband, joaquin, on the job. or, well... no longer current, because jael’s funny life of debauchery, toxic masculinity, and making fun of his nephews, came to an abrupt end when he was assassinated on live television. yipes!
joaquin anatra-nocturne, who also does not get an age - jael’s former secretary and current widow, joaquin is the local wine uncle. im not sure if that’s a classification but it is now, because he is one. an unapologetic gold-digger, he (publicly) took jael’s death frighteningly well, and is now living his best life with a revolving door of new boyfriends. his relationship with jael was a genuine and very loving one, and joaquin IS devastated by his death, but both of them just found the bit of pretending to be this loveless gold digger/politician couple very funny, and being as suspicious as possible around his husband’s death is exactly what jael would have wanted joaquin to do
taddeo anatra-nocturne, 14 - the youngest child of these two, a shy little boy with big Child In A Horror Movie energies. makes potions in the backyard and probably decorates his clothes with animal bones n stuff when he’s older. despite this he’s pretty harmless, nice and fiercely loyal - tommy especially thinks he’s fun and likes to hang out with him at family gatherings - just so long as you look past the creepy dolls he likes to talk to and fires he likes to set. especially close with jael and wants to be a miniature version of him, buuut still being a shy tween taddeo hasn’t been able to act on that much.
dailon anatra-nocturne, 20 - the adopted second child of jael and joaquin, dailon is a moody and unstable delinquent that was snatched up by them just as he was about to age out of foster care. while he has a chill ‘cool-older-even-though-he’s-younger-cousin’ demeanor, the tension when he’s around his parents - jael specifically - can be cut with a knife. dailon hates his dad: ‘someone who expresses affection with insults and jokes and likes seeing people pissed at him’ and ‘someone who’s volatile, short-tempered, and sullen after living in a foster home most his life’ are just as bad of a combination as you’d expect. dailon gets himself into a lot of trouble, and is an overall very self-centered prick, but we’ll get more on that in a bit.
HELL FAMILY...2!!! that’s the last of the families to cover, buuuut there are still some other names on that list - mostly connected to dailon. this is REAL “just going on in the background” shit that you also do not need to know whatsoever (except for mitzi she’s pretty important she’s just down here for organization purposes) - i just like to play god and make characters get into drama.
[tw: cheating, unhealthy relationships, stalking]
mitzi “moon” altberg, 23 - achilles must feel very far away by now, but we’re back to him for a second! mitzi is his ex-girlfriend he met online, a fan-to-employee-to-lover and one of the maybe two people outside of the family achilles has shown his real face to. however, achilles growing up deeply unstable - between his parents’ abuse, having spotlights on him and adoring fans both as icarus’ body double and as a streamer, and in general not really growing up to be any kind of well developed human being - made this relationship a complete disaster. he grew obsessive and controlling - and when she tried to ignore him, he broke his one rule (to never go outside without permission) to find the hotel she was staying at in real life and show up to confront her. the incident was completely covered up, both by the nocturnes and with their connections, and so mitzi was forced to stay silent. this entire thing is based on this song! as time heals wounds, though, mitzi will end up doing pretty well for herself and putting achilles behind her - even getting a new boyfriend, jared!
reynard fiala, 20 - dailon’s (ex-)boyfriend, who he’s enraveled in his own weird soap opera subplot with. reynard is a relatively chill person, with an interest in art and taxidermy - just as morbid as dailon’s brother, but in a more. Normal way. genuinely a sweetheart who does not deserve what happens to them: getting cheated on with dailon’s best friend. yipes^2! while it's earth shattering in the moment, all reynard will really want to do come some time to process is to move on and for him and dailon both to heal in peace... far away from eachother (which is easier said than done since taddeo thinks reynard is super cool and loves having him over, the awkwardness between them and his brother be damned)
jared summers, 21 - the most normal person here. a longterm best friend of dailon’s, and yes, the very same one i just mentioned. he’s not the sharpest knife in the drawer - what we in the industry would call a himbo if his dumbassery didn’t cause very real damage - who had been pining for dailon for years and him dating was no deterrent, and dailon, thinking the world revolves around him as he tends to do, accepted jared’s confession so they just kinda started dating on the side. jared has the moral backbone of a pool noodle, and even after it causes dailon’s relationship with reynard to fall apart, will need a wholeass intervention to be staged to make them both realize just how shitty they’re being. after that, though, jared will end that mess and be on his way to becoming a better person himself - with the help of a sweet girl he’s met online.
jared and mitzi dating in the future is the most contrived thing on the planet but just hear me out that it’ll be HILARIOUS for achilles to check in on his ex-girlfriend and find she’s dating his cousin’s best friend, who said cousin was apparently dating on the side. very small world, it is.
anyway, thank you if you’ve somehow stuck around to read this entire thing - this isn’t even getting into jeremie’s half of this whole ordeal, which includes some of these fellas’ friends and partners, as well as more crazy rich people nonsense. it’s been very fun to think about and i do love it all dearly, even if putting it all together it’s SUCH a mess.
we don’t intend to make anything Legit out of this, it’s honestly just a fun way to pass the time. it’s the adult equivalent of playing dollhouse. in our minds this is like a 20 season soap opera but actually explaining it to other people it’s just like this
but thank you again for letting me babble i hope it was somewhat entertaining! and again, godspeed if you managed to read this much XD
#nocturnes#ichor nocturne#icarus nocturne#achilles nocturne#tommy nocturne#jael anatra nocturne#joaquin anatra nocturne#taddeo anatra nocturne#dailon anatra nocturne#mitzi moon#jared summers#reynard fiala
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W8 - Ask Mr. Google
Do I Look Like Google to You?
To be frank, most of the information that I know are mostly from the internet / social media. News such as covid-19, celebrities, missing people and so on, are mostly from someone / some page sharing it on social media. Sometimes, we know too much that we are even qualified to be Mr google. “Kepo” I would say, but I am proud to say that I am part of “kepos” in some areas / topics.
Crowdsourcing (NGL I did not know what it was)
So, crowdsourcing. According to White (2019), crowdsourcing is the habit of using source of a group focusing on the particular topic. Crowdsourcing has been practiced and existed long before, just that after the help of social media it helps connect people from all around the world. Social media has made it easier for us to search or fill in the gaps that we have in our minds on a particular topic.
Personally, if you read my previous blogs, you would know that I am quite ignorant when it comes to politics and news that are more ‘adultly’ which are normally boring to me. However, I am a sucker for news relating to celebrities or movie theories. I often read news and click in links I see from Instagram and FaceBook (call me boring but bite me). The social media platforms I use often introduce articles that are related to celebrities or movies (which I am not complaining). Every time after I finish a movie or series, I would always have my own theories on what message the show is trying to portray. After that, I would google or go to the show’s instagram page to search and read on more information.
Crowdfunding (Ahh this I’ve heard before)
According to Fundable, crowdfunding is one of the ways to collect money from families, friends, customers or even investors primarily through social media. After the help of social media, I often see influencers especially promoting other online users’ GoFundMe websites. The ones I have seen before is when an influencers or a well-known TikToker’s, relative pass away, they would share their GoFundMe page and ask for their fans’ support.
Personally, I have experienced a time where one of my school mates from my secondary school did a GoFundMe page. Long story short, he/she went to UK for his/her studies. However, he/she had some family troubles happening along the way during his/her studies in UK which caused him/her not to have enough money to continue staying in UK. He/She had to come back to Kuching ASAP so he/she set up a GoFundMe page secretly, but it somehow spread until all of our ex school mates knew about it and donated to help him/her. Oh well that is just a bonus story for this blog.
Conclusion of GC
In conclusion, social media really made it so much easier for us to search and know more on the topics that we had doubts before or even get to know new knowledge about new topics that we never knew of before. However, we should not abuse this power to spread rumours that can cause chaos. Be “kepos”, but be wise “kepos”.
References
Fundable, “What is Crowdfunding? Clear, Simple Answers Here.”, viewed on 3 November 2021, <https://www.fundable.com/learn/resources/guides/crowdfunding/what-is-crowdfunding>.
Jacquelyn, W 2019, “What is Crowdsourcing and How Does It Work? Definition and Example”, TheStreet, 22 July, viewed 2 November 2021, <https://www.thestreet.com/personal-finance/education/what-is-crowdsourcing-15026002>.
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IBRAHIM JARVIS —
IG info/bio: @/OFFICIALRAHIMJARVIS | 130k followers | pro🏌🏿, & yes i was on that dating show...don’t obsess over other people, obsess over water, stay hydrated friends!
22 (23) years old
From Birmingham, England
Pisces sun? + Virgo moon + Cancer rising
Parents are both Afro-Antiguan and Barbudans + migrated to The UK once they were pregnant with their first child
They’ve been married for over 20 years
He gets his height from both of his parents
His mother keeps her hair buzzed short, cooks the best Antiguan food + loves creole seasoning, she’s 5’11, & works as a bank teller
His father is 6’5, works as a substance a*use counselor & does not believe in tough love as a way of showing you care about your children. He learned that the hard way growing up
Ibrahim is a pro golfer & dislikes tiger woods, “he’s a proper arsehole, typical American yeah?”
Got into the craft thanks to his maternal grandfather who was also into golf along with other sports & taught him all he needed to know. At first Ibrahim didn’t like it, found it rather boring & would rather stick to video gaming but his grandfather wanted to break his grandchildren out of staying in the house all the time
It kept him fit and also relieved any anxiety Ibrahim had in life and he had a good amount
He’s got an incredible swing, thanks to his long arms
He’s 6’3
Has three older brothers: Jesse (27) , Keithroy (25), and Reuben (24)
He loves working out and spotting other people, feels likes it’s a team effort & he’s a team player
Drinks gallons of water on a daily and nothing else, it’s even better if he puts fruit in it
Always eating fruit, for breakfast/with or after his dinner. Rather eat fruits than vegetables...yes he’s an adult but he can’t stand broccoli or radishes
Canon: hates seeing other people test their fruit to see if it’s ripe or not. But it’s fine when he does it himself, he just thinks about all the germs that are on other peoples hands when they’re doing so; it physically makes him sick & irritated if he ends up touching the fruit that’s mushy/lumpy
He’s a big fan of comics. Always has been since he’s a kid and has a huge collection of them, his oldest ones are packed away in a couple of crates (in his loft room that he uses as a extra storage room) since he no longer has space in his room. Yes he has no shame (and shouldn’t) of having them on display even tho his oldest brothers clown him for it
Massive fan of black panther & was hyped when it first came to theaters. Saw it three times in one day
Was heartbroken when Chadwick Boseman p*ssed
He’s awkward at expressing himself & sometimes it makes him feel misunderstood & it’s frustrating
Hates people that come up with these ideas of him instead of allowing him to collect his thoughts and speak them the right way
Yet he can be the type of person that wants to ignore issues and hope they go away
He wishes people had enough patience like he did with others in the world
He seeks advice from his dad, since he’s a counselor & everything yet it’s slightly different?
Can be a sweetie & very romantic in relationships
Will do the most (he won’t see it that way) & drop $ on you if he wants to...buying things, trying & failing to DIY, doing wealthy ppl shit, expensive trips— canon: taking his girl to Spain? Was it? Or Italy? I don’t remember... the whole 9
Had 1 gf before the villa. He broke up with her for being too flashy with his things & found that she wouldn’t have liked him if he didn’t have a bit of money
His parents live with him. “They’re basically my roommates until or if they find a house they like.” He didn’t go overboard once he got his first paycheck, he didn’t need a mansion but he did go big enough, industrial style but homey with some minor modern touches for his dream home—he didn’t want it to feel cold or penthouse-like
Isn’t too flashy on the socials but will post something every now & then if he feels the need to show it
Doesn’t post much of his face, mostly what he’s doing in the moment...lots of golfing pics!
Dresses like a dad but it works for him. Loves a good snug polo & plaid trousers/regular that are cut above the ankle, “those are highwaters innit?!” “No mum, it’s the style.” Rolled up jeans, tall white socks & some patterned, baggy sweaters, fancy hats, picks oxfords over sneakers, etc...
Definitely takes the time to iron/steam/press his underwear & socks
Enjoys getting his hair braided, isn’t tender-headed at all (must be nice)
Only grows his hair out during the fall/winter seasons or cuts/gets a shape up
When he posts about his tournaments or time at the golf course, he can always count on Bobby to comment the usual... @/returnofdamckenzie: do you ever have moments where you Reenact troy bolton on the lovely green grass? @/officialrahimjarvis: Idk whether to block u or have a laugh mate, yes i had to look him up!
Dated Jo for about 5 months after the villa until she broke up with him, finding that their lifestyles were too hectic for them to continue, at least that was her public statement to the fans but they really grew apart & the “love” was no longer there
Ibrahim seemed to be more upset about it than Jo in the beginning resulting in snappy replies for awhile, which again stems from him not knowing how to express himself
She checked up on him A LOT, almost as if they never broke up but Ibrahim felt like he needed his space now. They talked it out the best they could over dinner and got closure but that didn’t mean it didn’t sting. He just didn’t think it was needed to be calling each other everyday to see how they were both holding up. If they were done, then that’s what they should be
Jo didn’t see it that way. She still cared for Ibrahim, that didn’t mean that they had to stop talking in her view. She wanted to know how he was coping, and was known for “sticking her foot in her mouth” so that was also a flaw in their relationship
She would say certain things that touched on how she was feeling but didn’t express them at the right times & then there was Ibrahim who didn’t know HOW to say the things he felt which left jo to assume things
Ibrahim was back to the single life and he hated it. He wanted someone he could come back home to, someone that wanted to be with him for the long run. A part of him feels like Jo wasn’t planning to be with him for the long run in the first place and in a way that was okay? Sometimes you don’t know where you’re going in relationships but there should be some sort of goal? Maybe? At least that’s what he thought. Yeah they had fun but he wanted more someday
He was still young he didn’t need to be hung up about it right? Sike. He didn’t know how to take things lightly. That wasn’t how he was built. And to get comments about his ex relationship and have fans dragging him about his choices in the villa A YEAR later!!! Was disheartening
Shannon seemed to be doing well. He thought they would still be friends, at least that’s what she showed before she left the villa. Before he got her dumped. They talked a couple of times since then, jo personally wasn’t a fan of that—Shannon didn’t care but it was clear there was some tension still there
Until he contacted her just to realize she probably had his number blocked but her IG was public and she had a new man & was traveling about
His dad and Reuben were the only ones rooting for them
He had no choice but to be happy for her. Who was he to come in between that? Not that he wanted to but it’s a natural reaction to wonder after a fresh breakup, “what if?”
Talks to Priya every so often now. He seems to find comfort in her, it’s the same for her on her end
His mother has a feeling Priya is the one her son will end up with. Even if she is older...Keithroy also liked her the best
While Jesse seemed to be the only one who supported his relationship with jo
I honestly thought he would have liked Hannah in the beginning but idk if it was him or Gary that said she was too unrealistic when it came to love? I think they both said something along those lines which is odd since it seems Ibrahim has no problem treating his girl like a princess
Probably only has one special dish that he can cook the best & it’s gumbo. otherwise hes out of the kitchen or having his personal chef cook for the family
Goes live on twitch—when he has time, playing many games with the boys from the villa, which pleases the fans
Talks to them all as much as he can
Noah seems to be the first to always text back since Bobby is the one who’ll start off responding in minutes then forget to text back cause he’s off doing handstands or booping people on the nose or some shit, Gary always ends up busy doing something with his nan or for Lottie—but Noah’s always around
They seem to be the closest outside the villa, they mesh well & hang out the most when they can
he likes having his sound on & LOUD when he texts! There’s something so satisfying about hearing the clicking of texting to him
Watches a lot of sports on the Telly, it doesn’t have to be just golf. Usually watching that sport sends him right to sleep while the others keep him active/vocal...yes he’s a tv yeller
Holds sports parties at his home & invites all of his family & mates, he HATES having to clean up afterwards. If it wasn’t for his mum he would save the cleaning until the next day yet he doesn’t mind cleaning his car twice a week
Continues to make his violet man drink & wouldn’t be opposed to someone giving him a endorsement deal for it
Is the “I love everybody!” Drunk
Enjoys yard work over cleaning the house
Has his own customized golf cart that he keeps in his garage
He likes driving that more than his Buick suv tbh
Wants kids some day, not too many, not too little just right— he’ll probably have two but for rn his Doberman pinscher is his bby
Either ends up with Priya with slight insecurities that she’s too good for him or he falls in love with a tennis player, either way I’m fine with both
Crushes/his type? : Jojo Levesque, SERENA WILLIAMS, China McClain, Brie Larson, Victoria Pedretti, Nathalie Emmanuel, & Keke Palmer
Listens to: Aminé, Big Sean, Frank Ocean, Brent Faiyaz, Pink $weats, B Young, Ali Gatie, Russ, Raveena, Jessie Reyez, Rayana Jay, Cosima, TianaMajor9 etc...
Anthem = Lucky Daye, “Buying Time”
#litg#litg2#litg s2#litg ibrahim#litg jo#litg shannon#litg priya#litg au#litg headcanon#litg headcanons#litg Bobby#litg noah#litg rahim
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Mod (finally) reviews all 67 winners of the Eurovision Song Contest Part IV: The 1980s
Ah yes, the 80s. One of my favourite decades for music overall, and one of the only decades in Eurovision where I wouldn’t immediately jump at the chance to change most of the songs that won, the other decade being the 2000s.
But at least with the 80s there was more quality songs per year, whereas the 2000s was mostly drivel.
I also count the 80s as being somewhat of a turning point in the contest’s history, and by that I mean it always seemed to me like it was the decade where the UK really began to stop caring. Most people know the song that won in 1985, but nobody knows what won in 1986. Everyone knows Johnny Logan won twice, but couldn’t name his second song. Everyone knows Celine Dion competed, but can’t remember if she won or what she sang.
That and countries also started experimenting with more modern sounds and outfits towards the end. The early 80s is just an extension of the 70s I swear.
But that’s enough of all that, how do I find the winning songs?
1980- What’s Another Year?
Country: Ireland
Artist: Johnny Logan
Language: English
Thoughts: Ah yes, the song that makes every 50something woman in the UK and Ireland all doey-eyed and rosy cheeked as they remember back to when they were a teenager watching this on TV and drooling at the lovely looking sad Irishman singing his sorrows into the microphone. Or that’s my experience with this song anyway. Another experience is that most vintage fans I know tend to dislike this song on the grounds of it beating out [insert song here] Everyone has their favourite from 1980 since it was honestly a pretty strong year, but even though this song isn’t my first place for that year I can still clearly see why it won. See, 1980 had a lot of pop songs, so a slow, sad song like this one was bound to stand out, whether it was popular or not. Luckily for this one, it turned out to be a popular choice. Other songs wouldn’t be so lucky… Back on track though. Like I said, this is a very sad and melancholy song with sad and melancholy lyrics, which not only made it stand out in its year, but also made it stand out amongst other Eurovision songs of its time. It’s strange to think, but at this point in the contest’s history there hadn’t been a winner with lyrics so solemn and personal. See, in modern Eurovision, every other song is the artist baring their soul about their horrible ex-boyfriend, or their depression, or past abuse, or whatever, so knowing there was a period where songs like that were so rare is just… surreal to me.
Is this my personal winner for this year? This or Greece tbh, I don’t mind this one
If no, what is? Greece- Anna Vissi- “Autostop”
Personal ranking (out of 67): 23rd
1981: Making Your Mind Up
Country: United Kingdom
Artist: Bucks Fizz
Language: English
Thoughts: Ah yes, the UK winner that nobody really likes, but the BBC still forces at us anyway because they’re proud they came up with a gimmick that everybody remembers. Or maybe it’s not that well remembered, but nobody would know that because we’re reminded of it every year. This song is… alright. Just alright. The first listen of this one is always the best, because after a while it just gets kind of annoying. The singing ESPECIALLY starts to grate you for a while. Even in the studio version the two girls sound unbearably shrill and whiny, and I’m not sure if that’s their fault or the songwriter’s (since if I remember correctly only one of them was a professional singer). I’m seriously convinced there’s no way for a female vocalist to pull this off without sounding terrible. Again, this one’s perfectly fine and serviceable, but that doesn’t mask the fact it’s still the worst UK winner and the worst winner of the 1980s too.
Is this my personal winner for this year? No
If no, what is? Portugal- Carlos Paião- “Playback”
Personal ranking (out of 67): 58th
1982: Ein Bißchen Frieden
Country: West Germany
Artist: Nicole
Language: German (Translation: “A little peace”)
Thoughts: This song gives me a really warm, nostalgic feeling, and I don’t know why. I mean, I know this one did well internationally, so it’s possible I just heard it as a kid, but given how I grew up in the early 2000s, “Eurovision is a shitty freak show full of weirdos from the USSR who gang up on the UK and don't vote for us on purpose” era Britain, that’s highly unlikely. Anyways, this is such a warm, fuzzy kind of song. It has a lovely… round-the-campfire, singalong kind of vibe, like this is meant to be sung by a load of long haired hippies with flowers in their hair and CND symbols drawn on their cheeks. And it’s… … Also kind of bland. If you’ve been reading my personal winners so far, you’ll have noticed I definitely have a soft spot for old German entries, so it’s a shame I find the one song they actually won with to be so… generic. It’s like they got tired of being unique so decided to send the same saccharine fluff everyone else was sending, and guess what, it paid off majorly, because this song was a huge hit at the time. Something about that kind of bothers me, like, out of all the entries they sent, it’s the one that’s the most “Eurovision-y” that ended up winning. And there’s something depressing in that.
Is this my personal winner for this year? No
If no, what is? United Kingdom- Bardo- “One Step Further”
Personal ranking (out of 67): 50th
1983: Si la vie est Cadeau
Country: Luxembourg
Artist: Corinne Hermés
Language: French (Translation: “If life were a gift”)
Thoughts: You want a tip on how to stand out amongst Eurovision fans? Say you like this song. Probably won’t make you very popular, but you’ll stand out at least. I will confess, I, too, was part of the hate-wagon for this song. Like most fans I knew, I’d complain about how boring and uninteresting it was and how it, ahem, “robbed” so many other entries, and how basic it was, et cetera, et cetera. But… honestly? It’s not even that bad. Sure I had other favourites from 1983 (the ones I could stand watching anyway, the host that year was so unimaginably terrible I gave up watching halfway through. I DARE you to watch the whole thing without wanting to neck yourself), but this song gets way more hate than it deserves. I honestly don’t think this song is half as bad as I made it out to be myself, or as bad as the fandom makes it out to be. It’s got a decent melody, some solid vocals, some appealingly 80s instrumental, like there’s a lot I like here. …Until you read the lyrics and realise they’re almost as half-assed and lazy as All Kinds of Everything’s, but I digress. Did I prefer other songs from that year? Of course. Am I going to complain about this one winning? Nah. It’s alright.
Is this my personal winner for this year? No
If no, what is? Sweden- Carola Häggkvist- “Främling”
Personal ranking (out of 67): 41st
1984- Diggiloo, Diggiley
Country: Sweden
Artist: Herreys
Language: Swedish
Thoughts: Whenever I was a younger fan I used to describe this song as being drunk-dad-at-a-wedding-music performed by three sentient Ken dolls, and I still stand by that statement. And I don’t really know how else to describe this one. It certainly has its charm, and it’s still a likeable song, but it also feels very… vapid. Like if this song were a person, they’d be a bit of a bimbo. And I mean, the song’s about how the singer’s oh-so-happy and prancing down the street in his brand new shoes, so that’s probably a fair description. Part of me wonders if that’s down to old Eurovision songs being vapid in general or if it’s down to the schlager genre itself requiring songs to be kinda neutered and happy-go-lucky, but even though I do like this song, it does come off as being a bit bland. A bit by-the-numbers and playing-it-safe. And I don’t mind songs like that, but I’d rather they didn’t win, y’know?
Is this my personal winner for this year? Not really
If no, what is? Italy- Alice & Franco- “Il Treni di Tozeur”
Personal ranking (out of 67): 15th
1985- La det Swinge
Country: Norway
Artist: Bobbysocks
Language: Norwegian
Thoughts: Ah yes, the song which finally hauled Norway into first place after years of being a regular last-placer. Maybe the UK should take some notes instead of blaming Brexit. Or Russia. Or Iraq. Or anything other than their own apathy, for that matter. But this is about La det Swinge and not the UK, so what are my thoughts on it? Well it’s… It’s the kind of song I imagine my mom and aunt would sing at a wedding if they ever attended one. It’s a very fun song, a little cheesy, sure, but it’s hard to not like a song that’s this upbeat and cheery. And yeah I know it’s because it’s schlager and that’s generally a really cheerful genre by default, I touched on that in the review above,
Is this my personal winner for this year? This or Israel
If no, what is? Israel- Yizhar Cohen- “Olé Olé”
Personal ranking (out of 67): 14th
1986- J’aime la Vie
Country: Belgium
Artist: Sandra Kim
Language: French
Thoughts: This song is an enigma because I’m an absolute slut for 80s pop, yet, for some reason, I find this song painfully average and uninteresting. Now, I’ll get it off my chest and say that 1986 was also a painfully average and uninteresting year, and most of the time I just felt myself remembering the singer more than the song, and even then I struggle to remember what some of the acts even were. It was just such a boring blur of a year I’m surprised the juries even managed to stay awake to pick a winner. And I GUESS you could argue that this song is so upbeat and peppy that it woke them up, but that doesn’t excuse how bloody generic it is. Like, this is the most generic 80s song you can imagine, and not in a good way. It feels more like stock music than an actual publicly released pop song. Had it not won, I doubt it would’ve stood out to me at all; it would’ve just faded into the background with all the other muted, 80s-coloured mush from this year. Basically, there’s a reason the singer’s age is the only thing noteworthy about this song.
Is this my personal winner for this year? Not really
If no, what is? Luxembourg- Sherisse Laurence- “L’amour de ma vie”
Personal ranking (out of 67): 49th
1987- Hold me Now
Country: Ireland
Artist: Johnny Logan
Language: English
Thoughts: Ah yes, the superior Johnny Logan winner. And I’m not sure why everyone forgets this one because Mother of Mercy this song is in another league entirely compared to the other schlock Ireland’s won with. Like this is their best winner, no competition. One of their best songs overall as well. One of the best entries from the 80s, one of the best winners of the 80s, one of the best winners… Yeah, I really like this song. I’ll admit to sleeping on this one for too long myself, always dismissing it as some boring Irish ballad to go with all the other boring Irish ballads they somehow managed to win with (we’ll get to that later), and always agreeing with people who said XYZ country (always Yugolslavia) should have won instead. Basically I learnt the hard way to never judge a song on its country and genre. But one day I found myself in the midst of a revisiting trip, going back to winners I didn't pay much attention to, just to see if there was anything I’d missed the first time round. And something about the lyrics in this song resonated with me a lot more than I thought they would. In a strange way, it made me feel older; like I’d grown up and was able to relate to the words in a song and appreciate it more than I could when I was younger. The line “what do you say when words are not enough?” especially hits harder than it should; as someone with autism I tend to find showing emotions difficult, even in virtual conversation where I’m not using my voice or face, because… Well, what do you say when your words aren’t enough?
Is this my personal winner for this year? Yes
If no, what is? N/A
Personal ranking (out of 67): 2nd
1988- Ne Partez pas Sans Moi
Country: Switzerland
Artist: Céline Dion
Language: French
Thoughts: Telling people Céline Dion won this thing is a new favourite hobby of mine, just to see the confused reaction. And that’s the most interesting thing about this song because it’s… fine, I guess? It’s a perfectly serviceable 80s power ballad, but there’s no bells and whistles to make me sit up and declare it any better than just “okay”. It’s basically the ballad equivalent of J’aime la Vie from 1986, in that it’s extremely 80s and also in French, but there’s nothing to make it that memorable aside from the singer herself. And even then this isn’t the song that made her famous anyway. Even her singing doesn't make this one stand out, partially because the song doesn't do anything special with it, and partially because she just blends in with all the other good singers of this era. And that’s kinda sad to think about.
Is this my personal winner for this year? Hmmm....
If no, what is? Greece- Afroditi Frida- “Clown”
Personal ranking (out of 67): 22nd
1989- Rock Me
Country: Yugoslavia
Artist: Riva
Language: Croatian
Thoughts: So this is another song it really took me a while to get into (there’s lots of those, trust me) and one that was very briefly in my top three overall favourites. It’s slid down a few slots since then, though I would still say it’s… Somewhere in the top 15. I don’t really have a lot to say about this one, if I’m honest. It’s just a good, fun, solid song which stood out in a very dull and ballad-saturated year, nothing more, nothing less. The lyrics are nice too, being about a bored musician who learns to love music again by teaching himself how to play pop songs to entertain his friends. That’s a unique subject and I can imagine it resonating with a lot of people who’ve fallen out with a hobby they used to love because they took it too seriously (providing they either speak Croatian or have looked up the lyrics, of course). I mean, it resonates with me at least. All in all, I just like this song for its message more than anything else.
Is this my personal winner for this year? No
If no, what is? Portugal- Da Vinci- “Conquistador”
Personal ranking (out of 67): 9th
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Hello!
I choose LXC because he is a good, kind man. He is strong, resilient, intelligent and respectful. He is everything that is right in this world, and I admire that!
I am staying safe, I hope you are too! It indeed is very hard to look for a job, but the course is giving me tips so I know I will get one eventually! Thank you for your well wishes ❤
I hope you will enjoy your break! I don't doubt it's deserved!
Personally, I loved Handsome Siblings! I watched it so I could hopefully learn some Chinese from it, and I didn't expect to become invested. I absolutely loved it and I binged the entire thing! I love the twins so much ;-; The love in the bond they share just makes me feel things hahahah
It's been an ok week so far! Fixed my sleeping pattern (that I will eventually mess up again) so I'm more productive! I hope you'll have a great week!
My question for today is: if you could recommend one show/movie in Chinese to me, which one would it be?
- Sincerely, your Classified Cultivator
hello! (≧∇≦)/ oh that’s nice! hopefully that course will have some good tips that will come in handy~ it sounds really intense tho (@_@;) I don’t remember going for any courses back in the day (ok this sounds ages ago but it was like... 2 years ago???) when I was still studying and/ or looking for a job... more like I was too lazy _(:3」∠)_
oh man maybe one day I would check it out! my watch queue is insanely long right now and I take really long for chinese and korean shows especially since they typically have a lot of episodes and very long episodes respectively ヘ(_ _ヘ) I usually finish uk/us shows and japanese anime much faster (ノ・o・)ノ since they have fewer episodes... aha
oh noooo please don’t mess up your sleeping pattern again (>△<Uu my brother’s is absolutely terrible (he goes to bed around 4 or 5am and only gets up at... noon??) and it seems really bad for health in general... I used to only sleep at 2am (remnants of my addiction to a mobile game sigh but that’s another story there) and get up around 9 or 10, but for the past couple of months I’ve been trying to change that and exercise more often (sometimes in the early morning if needed alksdlksdf) and my sleeping pattern feels much better now! ^^ and yes, totally understand on that more productive thing! it feels like right now I can get more things done in the morning, at least. hope it will last for you~ (b^_^)b
ahhhh only one show/ movie?!?!?! (゚Д゚;) hmmmmmMMMM......
eh well one of my all time favourite cdramas is my roommate is a detective, which is kinda like sherlock holmes. it’s set in the chinese republican era , and is centred around an ex-mafia-turned-police-inspector (acted by my tumblr url namesake) and a smartass-genius-rich-boy-eking-it-out-on-his-own and the crimes they solve together in 1920s shanghai. but since that’s pretty obvious from my tumblr in general, I’m gonna recommend another movie that I don’t think a lot of people here may be aware of but is still really good!
it’s this...
red cliff! it’s actually a super long show and got split into two separate movies, released in 2008 and 2009. I was like... 12 around then??? but I remember watching both parts in the cinema and going like...... wow
it’s a historical war epic, definitely not in the xianxia or wuxia genres that a lot of popular cdramas are in right now. and this is the one I would recommend because it’s based on an actual historical battle in ancient china AND is also one of the most famous arcs in one of the four Chinese Classical Novels (capitalising these here because this is a legit term ahahaa), the romance of the three kingdoms.
it’s somewhat like a david vs. goliath situation, and besides the super epic fight scenes, there are also a lot of clever strategies being thrown around and used, mostly by that guy from the second right up there called zhuge liang (or kong ming).
and some videos!
trailer in chinese:
youtube
and another trailer in english (UGH at that voiceover):
youtube
each part also has its own theme song! they’re both sung by the same singer (a lan) and they’re both equally pretty and haunting. my brother and I couldn’t get the second one in particular out of our head for a reaaaally long time because they kept repeating that melody (that appears at 1:33 in the mv) throughout part 2 lolol
theme song for part 1, called 心战 “heart war”
youtube
theme song for part 2, called 大江东去 “the mighty river* flows east”
*referring to the yangtze river, at one point of which the actual historical battle was fought
youtube
and yes! super long reply omg (*ノдノ) I think I just convinced myself to watch the movies again... aHAHA
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Ask your law student friend why Louis has such bad lawyers that they missed really bad clauses in his contracts that are different from everyone elses so much so that he can't even sue while other XF have and others have said no including Leona Lewis Rebecca Fergusson others like Little Mix left and so many spoke out about the industry for decades while only Louis cannot. I mean even Zayn and Liam spoke out about what was going on, controll and how they didn't let Zayn change hairstyles etc
Hello anon I assume this is in response to my reblog of Allies @skepticalarrie post? Well first off my mutral seems to be offline bc she isn't answering DMs [so if she comes on later with a response I will edit this post and add her response] but I don't even need to ask her or any of the rest of my GC to give you an answer to this. It's simple the people you listed like Leona Lewis and Rebecca Ferguson all have things in common that they don't share with 1D. Those former Xfactor UK contestants never got big outside the UK unlike 1D who was known EVERYWHERE. Even Little Mix as big as they are in the UK they never got worldwide big like 1D. This is mostly because Simon being Simon only caring about money wanted LM big in the UK and 5H big in the US and if LM tried to cross over to the US it wouldn't allow both groups to make him money.
The bigger an act/star you are the less control and leeway you have while the smaller you are the more control you have and easier it is to get out of things. Over 90% of former Xfactor contestants/Syco artists that have spoken out about all the issues never got to 1D level fame and at best were big in the UK only. Leona only had one decent hit song here in the US and then no one in the US heard from her again. 1D being WORLDWIDE famous and apart of a boyband who [in the labels eyes] all their fans were young women who dreamed of dating them meant they were under heavy contract so their was much less of a chance they could speak out.
SO as you stated some of the members have spoken out but they spoke out about obvious things like being heavily over worked [5 years, 5 albums, 4 world tours] and their PERSONAL health and the ways they dealt with being over worked they never really said anything that would make people outside the fandom glance at Syco/Simon. None of the members who spoke out went oh yeah Simon and his label gave us all fake images, closeted some of us and treated us like garbage yada yada. On top of that the reason Louis has been the one who hasn't spoken out about anything is because it's been damn well clear out of ALL the members Syco/Simon kept the biggest eye on Louis.
They were the most scared of Louis they knew out of all the members HE was the one who would risk it all to expose their asses! LOUIS was the one who fought for them to produce their own music, LOUIS was the one who fought for them to write their own music and change their sound everything that changed about 1D was LOUIS doing. They kept Louis on a figuritive dog leash because they knew he was the one they needed to watch out for which is why Louis was still stuck with Syco/Simon after 1D went on haitus while the other members were under different Sony labels. There's a rumor flying around other major labels wanted Louis for his solo career but Simon/Syco stopped that from happening.
They have always tried to screw Louis over and it was clear when Louis was suppose to release his first album and go on tour in 2018 but instead they had him be a judge on the Xfactor. He gets almost ZERO promo and out of all the 1D members he is the ONLY one who doesn't get radio play [at least here in the US]. The main thing Simon did to try and screw Louis over in a way that would be long lasting way after he was our of the picture is babygate. If one believes the media lies and the stories "that are for the sun" than Louis seems like a pretty shit person. They are now so deep into babygate they don't even know how to end it but even if it did end tomorrow it clearly did the lasting damage Simon wanted on Louis. Babygate was all about control and wanting to ruin Louis because they seemed to have a personal vendetta against Louis.
Anyways back to the main point all this isn't to say Harry hasn't wanted to expose them to but since 2014 the Azoffs had been circling around Harry just WAITING to snatch him up for his solo career and I believe Jeff saw how Harry was being treated so he made Harry believe if he came with him and Columbia things would be better for him, Harry believed him and since the Azoffs have more power than Simon it wasn't hard for them to take Harry from Simon/Syco.
I do think it was easier for Simon/Syco to scare Harry into doing as they said. We have seen since the beginning Harry was always scared of what others thought of him [ex: painted his nails back in 2012] and overthinking most things so they 100% played on that feeding him lies [from when he was ONLT SIXTEEN A KID] as to what would happen if he didn't listen to them and how "they know what's best for him to succeed" where as Louis he never gave a damn, saw through the lies easily and was definitely the one who stood up to them especially when they did something he didn't agree with to another member.
That's why Louis is the one who hasn't spoken out he the one they put on the biggest leash making sure he would stay quite because they KNOW he was the hardest one to control and they DON'T know what would happen the minute he is off his leash. His Directors Cut MV tells the whole story of how much the "evil one" tells him what he can and can't do and the consequences he will face if he goes against them. He's been on a massive leash for a long time he is now gone from Syco so I can only HOPE something is going to happen SOMETHING will change but only time will tell.
#louis#harry#1D members#LM#leona#rebecca#xfactor contestants#people speaking out against syco#louis is on a tight leash#babygate#harry was always more scared#louis was the one felt like he had to protect the others
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