#like whatever way they do it it'll be so good
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🪶 early morning rookanis enjoy 🪶
Lucanis leaves the pantry to see Rook stumbling towards the stove, delightfully disheveled. Hair tumbling from her head in a middle part instead of swooped across her skull and down one shoulder, shirt umbuttoned lower than he dares to look.
Spite still points out the green and purple fabric of her breastband.
"Good morning." She jumps, suddenly, only barely keeps from spraining her ankle.
"Where did you come from?"
Lucanis points his thumb over his shoulder.
"The pantry. Like every morning." Rook huffs, runs both hands up her face and lightly pulls at the roots of her curls. "Short night?"
"My night was long enough," she starts, moving out of his way and leaning against the worktop, watching him light the fire in the oven. "Then I had the weirdest dream in a minute, right before waking up. Whatever rest I got - ruined."
"Want to talk about it? It'll take a while for the water to boil."
Rook rubs at her eyes.
"Dreamt Emmrich made me partake in some Fade magic or whatever but it backfired and I came out tall and skinny, but really disproportionate."
Came back wrong. Smells not right. Dry potsoil. Old, dry potsoil.
"Would.. would you not prefer to be tall and skinny?" Lucanis himself could surely do with a few more inches in the legs, on his bad days.
It dawns on him an instant too late, the way his question sounds, even to his own ears. But she's not offended. Far from it, actually.
"Are you kidding? Absolutely not. Have you seen my thighs?" Rook stands back up straight and cocks her hip. The high Crow boots and tight pants hug her curves enticingly. "Luscious, but spacially demanding."
A pause, as he crushes some coffee beans in a mortar. If he remembers his labels correctly, these beans will have a hint of chocolate flavor in them.
"Besides, people never think it's the short, fat elf who'll kill them." Lucanis snorts at that.
He pretends not to notice the way Rook's eyes linger on his forearm, the popping veins and the shifting muscles.
"Would you prefer to be taller?" Rook asks after a while.
"Sometimes. Though less because of the actual height and more because of the jokes." The noise out of her is knowing, familiar.
"Head taller than a cheese wheel." A phrase they both must have heard more times than they could care to count, judging by the familiarity in the way she quotes it. She moves away from the cooking corner, toward the cupboard around the stairs.
"How did you get into coffee?" She asks it as though it's a story she knows, and knows it well. So, as per usual, he deflects.
"How does anyone get into coffee? I imagine you told someone you were tired and they handed you a cup." Lucanis pauses, as he transfers the ground beans into a filterrag and secures it over the pot. "Only that it made you more tired."
She laughs, wiping out the two cups she chose with a dishrag.
"Accurate. Though the way you speak about coffee, it sounds like more of a revelation."
11 cups, Rook. Last night. ELEVEN. WE NEVER SLEEP AGAIN. STAY SUBDUED. STAY AWAKE. ALL THE SHITS.
"Our barista bought samples of all beans available in Treviso. Had me try them to find Caterina's favorite. I was fourteen. Didn't sleep for five days."
They're lucky she chose tin mugs. Her jaw drops, and so does her grip on the mug, and it falls loudly onto the tiles.
"One: you have a barista at home?!"
"Not anymore. Last I was there, I made my own coffee. The other staff don't get it right."
"The other staff?"
Lucanis shrugs, as he takes the kettle with an oven cloth and pours the hot water over the filterrag in slow, deliberate circles. The few memories he has of his parents, they waited on him hand and foot. After they were killed, and he went to live with Caterina, her staff.
"I'm sure your house has staff."
"Viago's the Talon, Lucanis. The Fledglings are his staff."
True point, he thinks. Viago has a tighter grip, more control over his underlings. So they don't get ideas. The reason he's constantly peddling with orphanages and whorehouses is that the moment a Fledgling even breathes wrong in his presence, they disappear. Myself is my true king, and he makes sure everyone knows it like the know the sun also rises.
"Two," she continues, either oblivious to secondary string of thought that always seems to run in the background no matter what or electing to ignore it. She has picked up the fallen mug and wipes it off yet again. "You drank every sample in one night?"
"The best beans at the time were from the Montilyet vineyard, surprisingly, crushed in a coarse herb mortar, run through alchemy water that's just about to boil. Press it onto this tiny metal sieve and pour the water as fast as you can without getting the grounds in your cup." During his youth, he drank that prep so often he can no longer think of it without recoiling. "I got so much done that week. And have no recollection of any of it."
She laughs. Holds both mugs as Lucanis transfers the ready coffee into their mugs. She already put creamer and a sugarstick into one of them.
"Sounds like you to remember the coffee and nothing else." The sugarstick serves as a spoon as she mixes creamer, coffee and the sugar falling off of it. "What's in this one?"
"If you believe me, the beans in Neve's pellet coffee before they abuse them beyond recognition. It's supposed to have a chocolate aftertaste."
She raises her eyebrows at him, lifting the cup to her lips.
"You think you can save that hogwash?" The expression on her face tells him there's no saving this. "Maybe the beans just suck."
"What can I say?" He takes a sip. Oh, dear. "If anyone can, it's me."
"Did Caterina like any of the samples you tried?"
"Of course not. She prefers tea over coffee. It was a lost cause."
Rook laughs so hard and sudden she inhales her swill. Spite laughs at the way it drips out of her nose.
🪶
i know bioware fixed that bug but idc if i saw it happen and they patched it its a dream now i dont make the rules
i still don't know how coffee works but I love some tevinter slander lmao
I'm trying to break out of the chronologic thing I had going with solavellan and just write what I feel like writing and its really cathartic ngl [also the way I finished my thesis and went straight back to creative writing for the first time in like FIVE YEARS lmao]
@lanafofana if you want me to tag u in ONLY what we talked about you gotta let me know lmao
@vespaer77 i forgot to tag u in my rookanis stuff and tbf I don't know if you WANT to be tagged in that but here u go haha
[~rina]
#rookanis#rook x lucanis#lucanis dellamorte#dragon age#dragonage#lucanis my beloved#lucanis x rook#dragon age lucanis#lucanis dragon age#spite dragon age#dragon age the veilguard#antivan crow rook#rook#de riva#rook de riva#de riva rook#veilguard spoilers#rinawrites#rinascreamsaboutbioware
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Mhm... going to have to respectfully disagree on that one. While yes, emotional fulfillment is a big part of Lust, so is the concept of "base desires". After all, is the visual motif of all that is Lust in Limbus not primarily based on the idea of "desires of the flesh"? The flesh-like Peccatulae Luxuriae, hungrily trying to grasp onto the Sinners. The Bloodfiends (all of which have at least one Lust skill), whose instinctual craving for blood is the only reprieve they can grasp from their disease of loneliness. Even the very symbol used for Lust is a DNA double helix.
In the end, the exact nature of the desire itself isn't the important part for Lust - the important part is that of the desire's existence itself. A distinct need for something to fill one up, whether it's positive emotions, human connection, an addiction, or some base instinct - the main idea of Lust is to do everything for the sake of trying to fulfill this need, even if in reality there might not be any way to actually fulfill it.
This, mind you, is the big difference between an object of Lust's desire and an object of Gluttony's hunger. The latter can and likely will be reached, many times even - it's just that it'll never be enough to satisfy someone. For the former however, reaching it in the first place is the hard, downright impossible part.
So, for the base E.G.O representing Gregor simply standing back and being unable to do anything as his arm changed against his will and attacked those around him to require Lust with him being unable to provide it himself... Simply saying that he doesn't have some "higher goal" doesn't click for me. Because how would having one contribute to an arm's involuntary attack?
The whole idea of Sin Resources is that they represent the emotions and memories a Sinner needs to hold to be able to manifest the representation of whatever their E.G.O represents - with the base E.G.Os' case being a representation of an event in their past, of their 'Sin' so to say. Saying that the Lust "came from Hermann" makes no sense under this framework - after all, I highly doubt "Lust" would be a good descriptor for the kinds of feelings and memories the thought of Hermann would bring up within Gregor, if anything the fear and hopelessness he feels due to her actions would be moreso classed as Gloom, the other Sin required for Suddenly, One Day.
This is why I believe the Lust required for Suddenly, One Day is moreso tied to the more "base desires" side of Lust. Someone else in my reblogs posited that this Lust might be a representation of specifically the arm itself's desires, as the conceptual seperation between Gregor and his arm is a constant theme with him. Honestly, I'm inclined to agree.
While we still don't know much about his arm beyond the fact that it also acts as an allegory for PTSD, we know that Gregor commonly assigns intent to what it does - he treats it as a sentient being seperate from himself, one that acts on its own will and one which he has no choice but to live alongside. One which we see him consistently deny the ability to actually act out, by avoiding any situation that could potentially rouse it and trigger an attack. Would that not be an example of someone denying themself a feeling or experience, of someone hiding a part of themself at all cost, not unlike what was earlier posited to be what lacking the ability to fuel a Sin Resource for one's base E.G.O would represent?
Goddammit the two-in-one theory is even supported by GAMEPLAY MECHANICS
HONG LU'S BASE ID IS SPLIT BETWEEN RUPTURE AND SINKING
Yuuup. I haven't mentioned it on here but yup.
Fun fact, he's the only Base Identity who uses two of the Major Status Effects rather than the usual one!
And just to add to it in case you think that doesn't matter - Faust is the only Base Identity who doesn't inflict any Major Status Effect, and we know she usually sees herself as more of a vessel for the Gesselschaft than a seperate person herself.
So clearly, there has to be Something to it.
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a little late to this game and I can't even give my full notes like the previous two times (I'm at work and can't do the second watch through I do to take note of my thoughts) but I would like to scream regardless, sp here are a few disjointed thoughts and feelings I'm screaming into the void!
as always, spoilers for arcane, the final act, under the cut
-LESBIAN SEX LETS GO WE FUCKINGGGG WOONNNNNNNNNNNNNN 🎉🎉🎉🎉🏳️🌈🏳️🌈🏳️🌈🏳️🌈🏳️🌈🏳️🌈🏳️🌈
-but on a serious note for that thought, I'm so fucking happy that we got to have this. these two complex, beautiful, awful amazing women who are unapologetically queer and finally get their shit together to realise, the world isn't gonna wait for us, let's have sex, let's enjoy it. the fumble that vi makes with caits fancy belt, the delicate and healing way that cait holds and undresses vi, the full shot of vi's back tattoo, the fact that they can't keep their hands off each other and can't stop smiling! fuck! this was everything to me if you couldn't tell. also so much appreciation to the fact that this scene is an exact parallel to their first meeting!
-yes Mel get it with your sexy golden magic. I can't wait for the spin off series that will come from thus show cus I think it'll explore the black Rose and noxus war and I can't wait to see more of them!
-cait fighting desperate and dirty while still being so smart you have my heart (also cait with an eyepatch, fuccckkkkkkkkkk
-Maddie's betrayal lol, and the thanks for the warmth, bitch what warmth, cait was so mean to you even when you were sleeping together 😂
-the alternate reality???? oughh, oug oww, I need to lie down and cry for a whole week about that. everyone being alive except vi??? that shit hurted. also, domestic and therapised powder was everything I didn't know I needed and I'm so glad that when ekko figured out the anomaly that that timelines ekko came back to her. timebomb so cannon (also adore ekko for this entire act, every single second of it)
-jayvik mutual destruction is so them actually, and I'm glad they were together in the end. also sorcerer older vik had to be my favourite of his character designs. he looks so soft and at peace
-ambessas death is really not something I though we would see, or at least not in the way that it happened. but it's almost bitter-sweet that her death was nesacary for Mel to graduate to wolf in her eyes
-look, heimerdingers sacrifice was cute and heartfelt, but I really didn't have any attachment to the guy and was just glad that ekko made it home. very cute little song though
-Jinx is fucking dead and I hate it. yes it was in character, she did her one last good thing and just wanted to rest, but damn why did it have to be like that , but on the other hand, it leaves open the spot for powder to take hold of the narrative, because don't think I didn't see those hextech gems girl. she is everything to me and I really hope she's apart of whatever story comes next (I'm praying that powder gets to see vi all grown up, and that her older sister is okay, and that vi gets to see powder, the girl she might have been, and also that vi can see her brothers all grown up) (but that's all just wishful thinking)
-btw!! I always had faith in the writers. I love how this season came out on the full. it's absolutely amazing to me how they have managed to create on of if not the highest quality animated TV show ever. it was admittedly rushed, and I would have loved to see all these plot threads tugged at thoroughly before being tied up, but I still think what we got was a masterpiece
-jayce I did not like you in season one but I loved you in season two, and I held out hope that we would see why you did what you did, and it was so fucking perfect I would like to kick all of the jayce haters, just a little in the shins
-back to Jinx, it was genuinely so heartbreaking to see her catatonic over the loss of Isha and I hope they're together again now
-final form (herald) vik was pretty cool I like how it looked compared to his LoL design
-cait and Mel team up was something I didn't know I needed but damn it was good. the gays and girl kissers were eating well this weekend
-the animation of powder and ekko dancing? think I'll just go cry for another week for that alone, and their kiss!!??!? screaming crying
okay that's all I can think of for now. I may post more, I may not. I will absolutely be reposting like crazy though. agree or disagree with me, I want to hear your thoughts!
#lesbian#arcane#arcane season 2#arcane season 2 spoilers#arcane spoilers#caitvi#piltovers finest#timebomb#jayvik#screaming crying throwing up#im not okay after this and will proceed to watch the entire show at least 3 times through
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I wanna make a tf2 oc so so bad but I’m terrible at drawing people. Got any pointers?
So you wanna learn how to draw humans. Good for you! Drawing humans is complicated as shit and theres a lot that goes into it. I still need to improve in some areas of anatomy, and especially with drawing shit like clothes. There's millions of good guides out there for drawing all these specific aspects, but they're going to vary in complexity, style, etc. So I've instead put together my bullshit guide for drawing humans that can apply to people of any style and skill level!!!!! Welcome to Grey's 3 steps to draw humans.
STEP 1. DRAW BAD.
People get bashed over the head with the advice of "just practice bro." But the realistic thing is that if you're a perfectionist, it'll make it difficult as shit to improve your art if you don't let your art be bad. This doesnt mean, oh draw poorly on purpose. This is more a mindset thing. Embrace the fact that, while your art might not be at the level you'd personally want it to be, it's still worth making. If you enjoy drawing, it shouldn't matter if its "bad." You'll draw tons and tons of "bad" stuff and eventually look back and realize you've gotten better, even subconsciously. But if you can't get over the hurdle of letting stuff you draw be "bad" sometimes, you'll probably be too frustrated to keep going.
STEP 2. Practice drawing blocky shapes BEFORE details.
This is a skill I learned in the two art classes I took, but you can learn it on your own too. Basically humans have a lot of details going on and it can get a little overwhelming trying to capture it all. Work big to small. Focus on overall shapes first. Keep your sketches light and messy, cause itll be easier for you to overcome the hurdle to change something if you don't like it. Gradually build up to drawing the more intricate shapes like fingers, facial features, etc. If you're doing a full render, capturing the overall shapes of lights and shadows is helpful too!
When it comes to drawing your first sketch, try not to get too caught up in those tutorials that make you draw a specific type of sketch with like all the circles and cylinders and straight lines, thats all fine and good but if you're starting out its just kinda confusing and misses the point. Those are tools that'll help out when you want to hone in your ability to draw things in perspective.
STEP 3. Don't draw humans if you don't enjoy it.
Have you tried drawing humans but just don't really like doing it? Then fucking dont baby!!!!! Don't miss out on making things you enjoy just cause these goddamn humans are in the way! Make em a furry, a mech, an object character, a disembodied gangle of nerves floating in the abyss. Hell if you don't like drawing at all, WRITE em instead! Don't feel shackled by this mortal coil! Shed that shit!!!! Draw whatever the fuck makes you happy, and you'll be on the right track.
Hope this helps!
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hey so yk how in itsv Gwen pleaded with her dad to not shoot/arrest her. Yk how she said he was the last person she had left and he told her to you have the right to remain silent. Yk how MK and Wukong will most likely fight. Yk how Wukong might have to choose MK or the wor💥💥💥💥💥💥💥
Ah, who doesn't love a classic "one person vs the world" type trolley problem. Me when MK is one of the only people Wukong has left, and Wukong loves MK so much, yet he might be forced to make an impossible decisio-
#Like I can not believe this is the direction the show's going it's literally so awesome#Everything I could have wanted and more tbh#like whatever way they do it it'll be so good#honestly though let's be real SWK is NOT choosing the world lol. Not when it comes to MK (probably)#I love how we're really gonna push the ''leaving the world better than you found it'' philosophy to it's limits in s5#Like do it Wukong do it pull the trigger against MK do it we know you won't. do it doom the world#And then Macaque being there while that sort of choice is made by SWK of all people. CAN YOU EVEN IMAGINE#''Every choice has consequences—for someone.''#HAHA YEAH IT DOES#WE WILL LITERALLY HAVE IT ALL.#lmk#lego monkie kid#SWK V MK#asks#lmk SWK#maybe I sound a little too confident but otherwise it's like. Why bring in exchange as a theme at all you know. Why do it#Why bring up ''I get it! I would do anything for my friends—but at the cost of the world?'' like why do that#Like the main gang is gonna have to make a ''their loved one'' vs the world type choice.#rubbing my little hands together. laughing mischievously
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Hello! I just discovered your blog and I immediately became captivated by your webcomic, but I'm unsure where to read all of it. I know it's on Webtoons, but I can see it hasn't been updated for a while, and you still post about it.
Are your physical novels just prints of the webcomic? Are they a continuation? Is the story complete? Thanks in advance!
Hi there!
Glad you found me and are enjoying my comic!
It's only on webtoons, and the story is not complete yet! We're 2/3 of the way through right now. It's currently on hiatus, and it's scheduled to come back in about 2 months!
I'll explain why it's been so long if you're curious, but also for my followers who might also be wondering about it under the cut. Sorry, it's pretty much just me complaining haha
I took a month off I took 2 months to get the books printed I took a month to prepare my next comic and I took 2 months to write the rest of the series (I knew the character arcs I wanted, but not the time periods or mysteries!!!) I've been working on actual episodes since then
I had to take some time off because of some pretty extreme burnout due to the sheer amount of work it was to draw over 800 pages and write 6 complete stories in a year and a half... I was getting sick almost weekly due to the overwork, it was really really bad honestly. I was having to work 60+ hours every week just to keep up...
The nature of the comic itself is also difficult... Each of the arcs is a complete, self contained story which can be read (ideally) without context, and my arcs need to be about 10-13 episodes each... And since I have an exact number of episodes to work with, it's even harder.
It takes a ton of planning and a ton of refinement, and working week to week with no breaks I was forced to put out second or even first drafts, so I just wasn't happy with the work I was doing... And to do that for the rest of the series? I wouldn't be proud of the work I did.
Plus... To be entirely honest, webtoon has treated me quite badly IN MY OPINION... They deprioritized me before I launched (I had to beg for more promotion, I'm not exaggerating), they outright denied me the opportunity to even ask for a raise, I don't make any money on fast pass and they pay me less than my partner makes working at trader joes. My first editor left me completely hanging, my second editor (who I loved) was fired... And they told me I wouldn't get a third season before my first season even finished. So it was just repeatedly completely demoralizing.
I'm sorry it has taken so long, it'll have been 10 months by the time I come back. But I realized... I won't get promotion either way. I won't get more episodes either way. I won't get more money either way. So to finish everything, to make it feel good, to make it something I'm proud of, I chose to take longer to make it better.
I am fully aware I will lose a significant amount of my readership for this and it might genuinely affect my career moving forward. But it's what I had to do! So I'm sticking to my guns on it, and I'm confident long term it'll be worth it. It never could have been this good if I didn't take this much time.
#asks#steakandpeanutbuttersandwiches#I'm SO sorry youre new and you asked me such a benign question and I responded with... this... LMAO#I swear to god I tried to make it as short as possible#theres just a lot auauuaghkhgjk#basically. way too much work. not enough money.#so it either is gonna be good and take longer or be worse but come back faster#and I chose to take longer#so.#I'm really sorry and I wish that this decision didn't also come with the... pretty much guarantee that it will negatively impact my career.#I will lose readers. I will lose potential readers for my future work. it looks bad on me as a creator to take such a big break. etc. etc.#but it's good. it's so good. you have to trust me it's like the best stuff Ive ever written#it. ok well to be honest#it'll probably feel extremely simple and extremely natural#but it's been SO much work LMAO#I am not exaggerating I have written over 200 pages of scapped ideas to get to where it is#I'm sure it won't make sense why it took so long while reading but you gotta trust me LMAO#ideally it doesnt even 'feel' different right. cause its gotta be cohesive with the whole thing#but there is SO MUCH TO WRAP UP#THERES SO MUCH#and to make that feel natural in this little space oh my GOD it is so hard#ok omfg I'm doing it again I'm going on way too long again IM SO SORRY#YOURE NEW HERE AND IM DOING THIS IMMEDIATELy#this is like 90% for my followers who I know are curious about this and I'm just using you as a jumping off point to talk about it#cause I don't really like to make standalone posts very often#I likely will make some kind of official announcement about it when the date is extremely set in stone#right now I think it's still only tentatively scheduled so it could still change#and I'll say something more... refined and restrained... then.#but for now this is like. actually everything. I think#I'm sure I forgot something but whatever lmfao
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max and i are closing in on launching [redacted sports rpf charity fest] and i am once again pondering how do i write "experience with writing form emails and manipulating google forms in ways no one has dreamed of" in a cover letter without saying "i did it for the rpf grind"...like there's no way unless everyone in this microsoft teams meeting gets really cool about a bunch of stuff really quickly. you know
#IT LITERALLY CAME UP WHILE I WAS WRITING A COVER LETTER A COUPLE WEEKS AGO#AND IT WAS SUCH A BAD COVER LETTER BC IT WAS LIKE. I CAN DO THIS. I CAN BE A VIRTUAL PROGRAMMING MANAGER#I JUST CAN'T EXPLAIN HOW I CAME BY THESE SKILLS!!!!#i did not get an interview lmao. but we stay silly#like how do u frame ''community organizer'' when you're organizing. people on the internet to create rpf fanworks. for charity#lmaooooo oh well#me and max locking down our timeline last night and i'm like 😶 the thing i have wanted to do for years is finally happening#the universe tried to smite us multiple times in multiple ways. but we persisted. and it is happening!!!#last night i had to go to the grocery store at 9pm wearing short-shorts and an oversized t-shirt bc i was really like#if i don't get a coke in me right the fuck now i am going to end it all#procured coca-cola. drank it in the parking lot. recovered instantly. got on here and started posting#went to monday night service. last one bc after this week it'll be too late at night in est :(#it was such a nice global community to be apart of. people in 5 countries on four continents showed up almost every week!#not to be christian on main. but i love working with ecumenical organizations because i meet people all over the world#who have different ways of doing church and different interpretations of scripture and different takes on faith#and i always learn so much from people! good and bad lol sometimes it's like wow i will NOT be integrating that into my worldview#yo just under one week until i move 😵💫 i decided i am packing one (1) more box and then saying fuck it we ball#whatever i forgot has to go in the car. i cannot let myself be owned by cardboard boxes any longer#and soon. freedom. new start. new beginnings. someone said ''i hope you look at this as a time of new growth and unfolding'' to me#and i went man. i think i am#like the pine trees that reseed after a forest fire#fresno oilers.txt
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finally finished all of one character's entire quests/optional dialogue/questions/etc.... 100,000 words... .... aughhh
#Given some of it IS lines of code and stuff but like.. minus all that it's still probably at least 85 - 95k words hhhhhh#AND I have to do this for another 3 characters. Then a few partial quests for 3 others. THEN the other random misc stuff in the game#(like there are public areas in the city like a park and a forest that you can go and do a few things at. and chat with a few random#townsfolk that aren't actually full characters or anything. And there's a community board where you can#browse some of the random job advertisments or silly things that happen to be posted around#and also pick up a few odd jobs of your own to help earn coin to buy gifts for the npcs. etc. etc.)#Originally I was thinking like 'ah I'll make a short little game just to try it out! :3 It'll take maybe a few months!''#haha........................hee hee........................................hoho#Also evil that it would have been done already if I didn't totally drop itand stop working on it for like 5 years randomly#i could have made 5 years of steady slow progress gradually. instead of like 'one initial idea dump + about a month of art and writing'#...... 5 year break..... 'sudden mad dash to try to get probably 400.000 words written in a year or less' lol#I just really want to be done and have something out there already so it can lead to doing other things in my world..!!!!!! T o T#Like this can be an introduction and then maybe from that I can make other games. or short story anthologies. or other such things#But there needs to be some initially not very complex easy to interact with starting point first I guess... if that makes sense#That's part of why I stopped posting worldbuilding lore dump stuff as often because its' like.. massive walls of novella length#text are much more inacessible to engage with than like.. ooh a game! and there's characters! so its more approachable! and theres#visuals! oo! and the text is broken up in small bits line by line with other things in betwen! oo! etc. etc. lol#Not that THIS is even very accessible. I think dialogue heavy interactive fiction/visual novel type stuff is pretty niche and considered#boring or tedious compared to something with more ''gamplay'' like where you can actually move around in a world#and shoot things or whatever lol. But its an inbetween point. something SLIGHTLY#more accesible for now. Since i just dont have the budget or means or ability to make some skyrim type thing obviously LOL#Though maybe if theres any interest in the visual novel that could lead to making other things too. or at least I hope. I have a VERY cool#idea for a more ''gamey'' type of game that is a super fun concept and etc. but I would need to hire at least 2 people to make it.. ough..#I could do all the writing and probably half of the art. But I think I'd inevitably need a 3d artist and someone who can Code For Real hbjh#the system for ren'py (the thing I'm making a visual novel in) is not that complicated if you stick to just simple dialogue and stuff.#Making a whole moderately sized 3d game with minigames in it and a bunch of quest features and etc. would be out of my simplistic scope#''just learn it yourself!!' ... i barely manage to eat and sleep reliably every day lol... i do not function well enough to spend months#learning that many new skills. I already have a lot of of things I'm good at (not in a braggy way but just factually like.. i already have#a wide variety of different things under my belt).. at some point I have to just be happy with what i CAN already do and focus on that#and admit I need to get outside help sometimes ghjbh... NO more new skills/hobbies!!! ... ANYWAY
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thinking about the person i could have been if i tried a little harder to find my own way
#probably the thing i am resenting my parents for right now is how good they were at convincing me#not to pursue any career paths other than the ones they laid out#every time i was like hey this seems interesting should i check it out? they would be so quick with the#do you care enough about it to stake your livelihood on it? to do it for your whole working life?#and obviously 8 yo 12 yo 14 yo 17 yo 18 yo me would get terrified and go no sorry and just not look into anything further#supposedly this is the safe option but everything i do feels meaningless#all of the jobs in this field seem meaningless#the job market in this field right now is dog shit and I'm fighting like hell for positions that just make me sad to think about#but every time i think hey what if i tried another thing#now my brain shuts me down with the do you care enough about it to stake your livelihood on it#your whole life on it#and the answer is no and it's gonna be no for a long time i bet#don't know if I'll ever find my way out of it#told my roommate's boyfriend about my general dispassion for pretty much everything in life#he asked me if I'm even a person#which feels very true#i feel like this path I've followed if i keep following it#I'm not going to be a person i can be proud of#i know it's really early in my life to say but#idk if it's nature or nurture or my own damn fault but all the ambition has been weaned out of me and I've been getting just surviving#i just wish i got told more you can be whatever you want to be :)#instead of whatever you'll do you'll be good at so do what makes money and push your hobbies to the side you can do them after you retire#your mom likes this and you're good at it so you'll like it too it'll make you money this is the best thing#the other thing is harder and doesn't make as much money don't do that you won't like it that much i bet#when i was younger#maybe I'd be struggling more but I'd be really happy and fulfilled#or maybe this is genuinely the best timeline and eggs who tried to pursue art hates it now#maybe I'd be really stupid at all the other things i gave a passing glance at#eggsistential speaks#tag rant
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So, he has a new series out so I was reminded of my obsession with Ding Yuxi again and in watching some YT video about the new series I was again struck by how fascinating it is to me how different his looks can be. For example, when I watched the first series with him in the main role (The Romance of Tiger and Rose; which yes, I'll readily admit, I agreed to watch in a large part because I saw him on the poster and was like, well, I wouldn't mind seeing more of this 😏), there were two ~versions of him – in the historical and the modern setting:
And like yeah they all wear those wigs in historical dramas so that's not particularly remarkable, right. Little did I know that this was just a tiny tip of the iceberg
Because then when I went to look him up afterwards on YT etc. and the first pictures I saw were these:
about which I was at first like, is that even him? Like the face is just ... not the same in these? But ok, what do I know, anyway ... And then I watched an interview where he has yet another different look, and that seemed kind of in between, so that "bridged the gap" in a way. And then! – in that same interview – they juxtaposed him with another of his earlier looks:
and it's like, who tf is this person ?
It's just, idk, really amazing how much just different hairstyles, lighting, makeup, accessories will do. Obsessed
Other interview looks are nothing extreme
And obviously there's supposed to be more variety when looking at the different roles
But still, sometimes I'm just like, this is one person .....
And like, sure, these looks obviously aren't impossibly different, but comparing the different ends of the spectrum can be pretty wild
In any case, the one that brought all of this about was this latest one:
and idk at this point I shouldn't be surprised anymore. And yet ...
Anyway, I do actually love his acting too lmao
It really is ... delectable 😌
#his gay little mannerisms#(they're not actually gay but i choose to see them that way 😌)#sometimes he'll just move his hands a certain way or tilt his head or pull an expression or do smth with his eyes or ...#and i'll be there all hnnnnnnhg 🫦#in the new series apparently he's a part-cat detective#looking forward to the physicality of that already 😌#i really have never before been this fascinated by how different someone can look#like i would say it's just me but honestly i don't think it is#bc most people usually don't change their hair quite that much! for one thing#but ofc with a face like that you can do whatever and it'll look good#anyway sorry for this long post#there are so many more good pics! and i only included one heavily lesbian-coded one smh there are more#so yeah just ... allow me to not be normal abt him for a sec#and this is it i've gotten it out of my system for a while at least#j#dyx#ding yuxi#eta: i did start watching the series and the physicality *is* 😙👌#i could just watch him forever#like 🕵️
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'how to write a good character arc' 'follow this act structure for your plot' 'best checklist for worldbuilding' 'the correct way to design a magic system' 'you're boring your readers with long descriptions' 'the correct amount of exposition' i don't know man. what if i do whatever the hell i want.
#I HAVE VERY STRONG BUT HARD TO ARTICULATE FEELINGS ABOUT THIS.#it's not that i don't appreciate any guides/ tips. okay. i just. am so tired.#of hearing the phrase 'there's a right way to write' wrapped in fancy terminology.#LIKE LISTEN LISTEN HEAR ME OUT.#take lord of the rings right.#'oh wow a classic!! the pinnacle of fantasy!! omg tolkein is a worldbuilding genius!!'#that's all well and good. alright. but how do you think tolkein approached it.#probably not with a 'this is the right amount of time to spend describing' mentality.#this man can will and has spent 15 pages talking about one (1) tree. or the obscure etymology of Minas Tirith.#im willing to bet he wasn't trying to fit any mould is what im trying to say right#he just wrote what he wanted !!!#the goal wasn't to cater to the reader!!!#and so much of the modern 'writing advice' contradicts the classics!#which isn't to say the classics are the end all be all of course#but it still counts for something that they stood the test of time and are considered a Big Deal#the point is.#or what im trying to say is that#if you're given advice on your art form that goes directly against what you're trying to do#and removes any element of enjoyment or what you consider to be a defining characteristic of your art#then just. don't do it.#like like#im not going to stop writing long ass winding descriptions of the setting my characters are in if it's something i like about my work#im not going to cut segments out of my dialogue that i think are funny/clever because im worried it'll confuse the reader#'b-but long descriptions/dialogue/infodumping about the magic system or worldbuilding/whatever the hell makes it tedious!!'#girl for who? because it sure as hell isn't tedious to me. im having the time of my life here#do NOT let me on this blog after 10 pm#writing#miss j's musings
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can anyone that's going to anime nyc 2023 please say hello and send my appreciation to recreyo for me?
#recreyo#recreyo anime nyc 2023#to be specific#there really is just no way i can go#and it seems like it'll be that way for a while- a good couple of years and i dont even know if recreyo is going to keep posting#nothing like they saved me from a dark time or whatever#but like they do give me something to think about and obsess over and really i appreciate them so so much#i wish i can go really but like#damn whatever#if anyones interested i can type out some type of appreciation note if you could like bring that to recreyo#it's fine if not#i dont really know if i want them to know i exist#that's so weird to think about#like a random turkey on the internet#scary#by the same logic i dont even know if i would go up to them if hypothetically i could go to anime nyc#probably just stare from afar and scream
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so i need 1600 words by tonight ;;;; oh boy;;;; wish me luck
#why do i always end up writing so much tho like once again#this is supposed to be like 50% done and im not actually anywhere near that :')))#but it IS gonna be at least 5k#which isnt actually........ what eeds to happen... it SHOULD be 50% of whatever its gonna end up as..............#but i have no idea what it'll end up as bc i can never predict that#so we're just gonna try and write fast and hard through dec-jan bc ill have more time off :')))))#and try and get the story to a good point#i man i know what the ending will be but im trying to hit all of the scenes i wanna include ;;;#i think.....#maybe once we get through the beginning.... we can do a story of montage of shorter scenes???#and then go back to another longer scene at the end ????????#like 2-3 Long Establishing Scenes -#5-6 Short Connection Scenes -#2-3 Long Finale Scenes#????#that#.....#that may work......#ok so really what i need to do tonight is get through the opening introduction scenes#cus that'll at least get me to 1/3 the way done.......#it won't quite reach 50% cus that's be including some of the shorter scenes#but it'll be SOMETHING#ok#ok we can do this#i need to go back and write the first scene with Kevin#and then I'll need one with everyone.......#but we need to get a little bit more of just the one first.............. ok......#I'm 1600 words or more. shouldnt be too big a problem.....#i ahould. move to my desk for more confortable sitting.....#shh ac
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How’s life? No pressure question ofc, but if you want to share please feel free to do so with this ask :3
Eh, it doesn't feel all that great right now. I'm tired and hungry a lot, but I just have to get a routine together. My sleep has been wonky, I've been waking up too early, but I feel fine then but it also feels like I can't rest completely- I have dreamless nights mostly. And I also just get annoyed a lot, but it feels better being around people I like.
#my father is upset today too cause I couldn't hang out with him#I talked to a social worker at school a few days ago just for check in and in my opinion I still feel bad even talking to her#it's been a rough week and I'm not sure what to do except deal with it and move on#I like to draw still#I dont want to get tired of it#I mean at least I'm doing productive things like laundry and showering#I'm gonna have spaghetti today that's a good thing#I'll have clean sheets for my bed that's good too#I got presents a day earlier and that's good#I like listing the positives#It kinda gives me ideas for writing#I really wanna eat all these positive things i mean the feeling it gives me in itself#I really love the good things I don't ever want to lose them#I'm actually gonna try to make a doll bunny today#I got dug up old fabrics in my room so I can experiment with something new#I'd list more good things but I'd sound kinda weird doing that in the tags#I should probably journal again but my mind blanks when I try but I'll figure it out#I mean poetry and fanfiction is always an outlet#I gotta practice that more often#There still a ways to go in life so obviously it'll change eventually it always does#And it's only one of many weeks so I can't be too doubtful#It can't always be the worst#Feeling the same feels awful#No matter the emotion it kinda turns numb if you feel it long enough#Days are always changing though since everybody is doing different things everyday all the time#Like most say 'it gets better' eventually#I guess I can wait for a good day#I have no choice sooo I'll let whatever happen#Well technically I can make it happen#I'll feel better when I made myself dinner and cleaned my bed and put away my laundry and put on fuzzy socks and go to sleep
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I just finished your New Wave fic. I’m convinced everything your write is gold. I loved your TMA fics, with the most heartbreaking demon AU imaginable and the hilarity of Fahrenheit 101. I loved your moon knight fics, starting with Steven talking to animals on the reg at work to the system growing closer with a focus on Jake, i- there’s- it’s sooo much packed into it. When I’m on burnout, of art or writing (maybe life in general at times) I revisit your work and am thrown back into a creative headspace.
You are my favorite writer, you cram so much meaning and thought into your work and it shows. The characters are dumbasses and say the most ridiculous shit and turn around the next chapter and say the most thought provoking thing, and I don’t get whiplash from it because these characters just work! They just do, and I… am very much off track!
Anyways I just got into Batman and reading your fic is fueling that flame! I can’t wait to see what you have in store next, and I shall now stalk your blog for writing tips! I hope you have a nice day broski 💙
Thank you!! This is so sweet thank you so much! This ask is so nice!
Trust me, if there's meaning then it's because I get obsessive over these fics and I massively overthink them. I honestly wish I was better at making simpler, more elegant stories. I feel like nothing I do is truly going to be good until I can find that simplicity.
"Dipshit who says stupid stuff and then turns around and spouts ridiculous philosophy" is just how I talk. But I habitually approach my life from a standpoint of finding humor in everything, if only to soften the blow. I was once told that it's really hard to tell when I'm joking, because everything I say is always half-joking and always half-serious. I feel like that's pretty evident from my narration too...
As for writing advice...um, I was just speaking about this with somebody. When you're plotting a story, the first thing I like to figure out is what I'm trying to say. Everything else should be built around that. The joy of writing is that I think we all have something we want to say, or something we want people to know, or that we have an aspect of ourselves and our lives that we want to express. Most of the time, trying to convey those things verbally just results in a frustrating approximation of your true feelings. I find that when I manage a successful story, the depth and scale of what I'm trying to impart is fully understood and felt. It's rewarding. I think if people aren't understood on some level, by somebody, they kind of die.
Thanks for the sweet ask!!
#dungeon meshi is the peak of storytelling and im not joking#my asks#my writing#(my writing tag is a good place to find my dumb essays!)#i dont consider myself a creative and i barely consider myself a writer#so i professionally have no fucking opinions on art or whatever#also im not sure you can call what i do art in like any meaningful way#but i know a lot of musicians and everything#and so much art is just a person trying to convey something that can't be conveyed through words alone#so much stuff is lost in translation between our brains and our mouths - its like translating english to a foreign language#the meaning can be conveyed but inherently it'll never capture the original meaning exactly in every way#i think art can help you achieve a more perfect translation more than anything else can#you just have to feel like that poor schmuck in j alfred prufrock all the time#'that's not what i meant at all; that is not it - not at all'#JASLKDF sorry for the pretentious tags and also pretentious essay#all i do is write fanfic i dont know shit about this tbh#i just think that idk. there's things in this world that only we know#things that only we can say or understand#and sometimes we have to say them ourselves in our own words#sometimes ppl focus too hard on making their writing sound pretty or correct or 'good'#and they dont focus as much on how pretty writing is a tool to say what youre trying to say more effectively#idk! im sorry for quoting ts eliot some things can't be forgiven etc
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I'm stuck in some kind of purgatory where my mother keeps asking me over and over to explain depression to her (my behavior when I'm showing symptoms of it) but every time I try to tell her about depression as a concept she says it's not real. and then we do it again. and again
#like I cant explain my behaviour any other way.#why did I spend several months sleeping most of the time and staring at the wall doing nothing?#depression!#but depression doesn't exist#so what can I say to her.#well I guess that I'm lazy and I want to feel special that's why I cultivate this mental state#and if I just decided what I don't want to be lazy and stop trying to feel special in this way–then it'll just stop#well that's not true and I won't say that and I think that this won't satisfy even her#like she knows that this behavior is 'abnormal' and beyond laziness or teenage (or more like young-adult) angst#but she won't accept the only real explanation#this is driving me insane it feels like some kind of mental torture#fuck. I'm so sorry but I remembered that tng ep where picard is tortured by cardassians#and they're trying to make him believe there's two lights when there's only one or whatever#sorry.#but that's literally what it feels like#to pass this test I have to believe in something that's not true#the truth doesn't work and if I just lie it won't be good enough#I have to convince myself of some third option (that I cant even think of) believe in it and then present it to my mother#vent
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