#like what youre feeling is very much rational and normal. you have empathy. this is a good thing

[greencarnation]

i just want to say thank you for posting that it's okay to not feel normal about the disgusting atrocities happening in Palestine right now. i've been speaking out to who i can, spreading links to resources and contacting my representatives (i am from the USA, ugh) but it just never felt like enough.

i guess just thanks for reminding me that outrage can be constructive when you channel it.

🫂🫂🫂🫂

do all you can, but remember you're not on your own. we need each other. this is a collective movement, and from my experience the best way to not go crazy is by falling back on your community and getting involved where you can offline, where you'll meet other people in the same boat

[picaroroboto]

As an appreciator of angst I like the times when the WoL's friends and allies worry for them: there's no doubt that the WoL can fight most anything and win, but that doesn't stop their loved ones from being concerned for their mental and emotional health, and there's an interesting flavor to that sort of drama. The scene I really want to talk about now though isn't about the WoL's friends.

The scene being the one in the StB post-patches where Fordola has an Echo vision of the WoL's past and is, to put it simply, shaken by what she sees. Her horror at the WoL's past isn't because she's worried about them as a friend, far from it, she's basically still an enemy at this point. My brother has a good take that Fordola's false Echo acts as a sort of "forced empathy" for her - she has her ways of rationalizing and justifying the bad things she's done, feeling little for the people she hurts, until the Echo forces her to see and share in that pain. So she gets a moment of direct soul-to-soul communication with the WoL, not friend to friend but just human to human, and her reaction is shock, confusion, and a small amount of empathy too, because she felt their pain through the Echo.

No doubt it's a sobering moment for the WoL as well. Like her, like anyone else, they likely have their own ways of compartmentalizing, justifying, choosing the stories they tell themself about what they've done and what's been done to them. By Stormblood they've likely come to accept their way of life as what's normal for them - but then someone looks at their life and her reaction is basically "how have you not gone insane yet?". It's a jarring reminder that all that fighting and grieving and being used as a weapon is not normal or okay.

The dialogue options in response are all very characteristic of the WoL: simple and blunt, a little bit harsh - there's no quips here considering the gravity of the moment. There's also, notably, no "..." option that crops up often in other exchanges. You can't keep silence, in this moment you have to choose a reason to say why you're still standing, for your own sake as much as for the one asking.

(Also, I have heard that this exchange is a bit different in some of the other translations of the game, with more emphasis put on the Echo and how the WoL suffers from being exposed to other people's pain as opposed to just their own pain in the English version. I don't think either version is right or wrong, but I do like the rare times where the Echo is explored as something more than a plot device for giving plot-relevent flashbacks. The Echo is psychic empathy; the fact that they frequently get brain-blasted with other people's trauma plays a role in the WoL's heroism.)

[eli0004]

Okay. So I loved loved loved your relationship HC canons. They were so well written and I loved him❤

But can I also request Levi falling in love HCs? Like I can imagine him being in love but for the love of God I can not imagine how he would fall in love with someone. Like what certain characteristics would he like? Bold? Calm? Sunshine? Introverted? And how will he be attracted to them? Would it be easy for him to accept his feelings or will he be in denial?

Like please please please.... I love the way you write Levi. So please.

-🌼

Absolutely! I love this topic actually, it’s something I’ve thought a lot about! 🖤 I hope you enjoy!

Genre: Fluff

Summary: How does Levi Ackerman fall in love, and what is his ideal type?

Warnings: None, maybe some talk of insecurity?

Levi is a December Capricorn. December Caps are known for being highly emotional, but struggling with emotional expression. They’re also usually very uptight and disciplined, and tend to take a practical approach when dealing with situations as opposed to flying by the seat of their pants. Obviously these traits are pretty accurate to Levi’s character. A Capricorn’s most ideal match are typically Taurus or Virgos. Commonly known Tausus/Virgo traits are passion, stubbornness, dependability, logic and communication.

Now, obviously you don’t have to be a Taurus or Virgo to be loved by Levi, but think with that in mind, Levi would do best with someone who is very strong willed and independent. He’s not the type of guy who wants to be with someone he has to keep his eye on. Emotional maturity and practical thinking are very important traits to him when looking for a partner, and someone who can communicate well is very attractive to him, since he has a harder time putting his feelings into words.

He likes someone who is genuine, trustworthy and dependable. Someone who has a strong sense of justice and empathy, who defends and advocates for others when they are unable to defend themselves.

I think he likes a good mix of pessimism and optimism. He’s a pessimist himself, so if you’re too optimistic it may irritate him rather than help, he prefers someone who is more of a realist. Someone who doesn’t enable his negativity, but who helps him to think rationally instead.

Like i said before, i think Levi is a deeply emotional person. If you’re only looking surface level, it wouldn’t be obvious, but when you breakdown a lot of his character traits in the show itself, it’s pretty clear that he tends to be swayed by his emotions. I think he would know immediately when he falls in love.

He’s the type of guy who’s always in his head, he thinks a lot, visiting the past, pondering the future. When he starts to catch his pondering turning into fantasizing about a life with you, doing domestic things, and being cozy together, that’s when it hits him.

But I think he’s also deeply insecure, not so much about his looks, but his personality. His ability to love again after having lost so many people. Whether or not you deserve someone better. He’s used to being misread as unapproachable or mean, so somewhere along the way, i think he might have begun to believe those things.

I think it would mean a lot to him if you just treated him like a normal person. Not humanities strongest, not mean or unapproachable, or someone to be pitied for his struggles. Just let him be Levi, and praise him for who he is in his soul.

All that said, i don’t think he would be the one to make a move 💀 because he’s so in his head, i think he’d be too worried that he’s misread the situation and that you don’t see him that way, perhaps you’re just being nice. He’s extremely oblivious to flirting.

But if you catch on first and decide to shoot your shot, he will be absolutely flabbergasted. He’s looking over his shoulder like “do you mean- are you talking to me?” Before that moment, he’s mostly convinced that he’ll be pining in silence for the rest of your lives.

Levi blushes. A lot. He’s very pale in complexion, so the smallest bit of flirting or teasing has heat spreading over his face, and it’s painfully obvious.

So when you’ve got him face to face, telling him how you feel about him, he may not be able to respond in beautiful poetic words, but his body language is enough to tell you how he feels.

He won’t make eye contact, he’s all red faced and bouncing his leg and gripping his teacup with so much force, you’d think it was going to crumble. And oh- what’s that? An ever-so- subtle, happy little grin; completely involuntary, he couldn’t stop it even if he tried. He feels boyish and vulnerable, but it’s strangely nice.

Your relationship with Levi is not a secret, but it is private. He values your time together, as it helps him to decompress. He all but melts in your embrace after a particularly hard day, and It’s crucial that you respect his desire for privacy, the level of raw emotion and vulnerability with these new experiences is something that he’s entrusted you with and that means everything to him.

And on the subject of new experiences, the more you handle him with care and allow him to process his feelings without judgment, the less he’ll worry about not being good enough, and you’ll find that he’s a very good and attentive lover.

Even still, you’ll find from time to time that reassurance is something Levi needs like he needs air to breathe, and this can come in the form of many things, like remembering little details about the things he loves, taking care of some of his responsibilities when he’s feeling overwhelmed, quiet touches when he lacks the energy to speak.

Having someone who sees him for who he is and loves all his broken pieces is what Levi finds comfort in while he’s nestled in your arms at night, and he wouldn’t trade it for the world.

[stupidlittlespirit]

Seeing how Ford typically responds to situations based on logic, and considering how smart he is he’s a little too good at rationalizing not-so-great decisions, I think someone who has high emotional/social intelligence and empathy.

Yeah sure you’re not as good as he is with astrophysics and biochemistry and other such whatever, very few people are, but you have a frankly remarkable understanding of other people and their emotions, and as much as it initially bothers him, you give it to him like it is and not just what he wants to hear. Ford has always appreciated that about you.

I just love the idea of two people who are both equally very intelligent, just in different ways. Where one comes up short, the other thrives.

just my thoughts 💭 hope you’re having a nice day :>

It's funny because I think as you said, at first it would be quite unnerving to him.

Society in general considers intelligence to be defined by 'IQ' levels (which are bullshit anyway) and a person's books smarts, for want of a better word. Emotional intelligence isn't considered to be as desirable or as needed, and therefore you're not often perceived as being smart on the same level as someone who's a lawyer or something. Emotions are just as vital as theoretic knowledge, but they aren't considered as 'serving' a person's needs, however in actual fact, that's exactly why the world is the way that it currently is (imo): A lack of emotional intelligence.

I think Ford would be guilty of holding that belief throughout the majority his life, too. He's always relied on, and been told that, his IQ is all he needs and is more important. His emotions will make him weak and he's too smart to worry about all that.

If he met someone who was very capable of pulling apart their own/his/another person's behaviours and feelings and then combing through them to examine the factors that inform those reactions, I think it would be very jarring for him.

People often (in my experience) tend to feel quite exposed by that; it makes them 'vulnerable' because people like to hide how they feel in order to protect themselves, and they can get quite defensive over it. Which is very normal!

I think he would be similar in that regard. You'd have to do a lot of work around teaching him the tools to examine his own feelings and helping him communicate them, whilst gaining his trust to let him understand that you're not going to use that intimate knowledge of those emotions against him. You just truly want to help.

Where other people lack the insight, gently showing them their own dissected feelings is really helpful for getting them to understand them themselves and I do think that it can assist them in communicating their needs with less shame because they know you're a safe place to unload them.

I'm also suuuper biased to the balancing thing, as you said. Partnerships that compliment each other in that way are very cool to me. He's the brains, you're the heart. Not that the other isn't capable of either, but just that you each have your areas of expertise and are a bit better at it than the other. And that's okay.

Personally, I do think that high levels of emotional intelligence are on par with ability in things like astrophysics because they require very extensive work and study to examine and understand, just like any science. In math, for example, you have clear, defined answers, whereas with stuff like this, you have to be aware of SO much in terms of context and individuality, and a lot of it is undefined. It requires understanding on many different levels.

[media-illiterate]

PSYKER HEADCANONS: FREE TO A GOOD HOME!

I wrote these out a while ago for my own use, and never posted them. But, as some people expressed interest, HERE THEY ARE! I'm gonna put them below a read more, because there's a lot of them. I have more on other psychic weirdness that I might post if people are interested in these.

(A reminder: Psykers are canon. There were psykers in fallout 1.)

Psykers - who often refer to themselves as Gifted - are individuals with strange powers and abilities – gifts* – that defy rational scientific explanation. Although they existed in small numbers before the war, psykers have become much more common since the bombs fell.

Psykers are fairly rare. Generally there's only a handful of psykers in any given geographic area, and they tend to stay on the move for their own safety. Many hide their nature for fear of being captured for study by high-tech groups such as the BOS or the Institute. 

Gifts broadly fall into two categories: Projective and Receptive. Projective gifts include things that have external effects, like telekinesis, telepathy, pyrokinesis, etcetera. Receptive gifts are more internal, like precognition, psi-empathy, etc. Some gifts, like dream-walking and bio-pk, straddle the line.

Psykers typically have a mix of projective and receptive gifts, but usually with a stronger affinity for one than the other. Really powerful projectives tend to have minor receptive gifts, and visa-versa. Being a psyker does come with free ESP, though.

Most psykers acknowledge that the sources and natures of their gifts are extremely varied: prenatal exposure to FEV and/or radiation, extended parental contact with psi-phenomena, genetics, and simple random mutation are all common explanations of a psyker’s origin.

Many psyker’s gifts are latent/dormant, and the individual doesn’t consciously experience anything unusual. Latent gifts can awaken any number of ways, with physical or mental trauma and exposure to psychic phenomena being common triggers. For some, it seems truly random.

Overusing a gift causes “Burnout”. Symptoms vary widely; sudden change in blood pressure,  heart rate, and body temperature are common, with purely neurological symptoms being rare but not unknown. Burnout can be deadly if a gift is pushed too far, especially for very strong psykers.

Receptive psykers are notably more common than projective psykers. Pykers with powerful projective gifts are rarer, and tend to be significantly more vulnerable to fatal burnout, but are not so rare as to be surprising. (I.E. How many serious athletes do you know?)

Receptive psykers are also more prone to advertise their gift (usually in return for caps) due to their intangible and thus easily dismissable nature. Projective types tend to be quiet about their Gifts for their own peace and safety, though some revel in the fear and awe they invoke.

Psykers tend to have really intense eyes, regardless of color. A psyker making eye contact tends to feel noticeably more… direct than normal. Especially if said psyker has psi-empathy or telepathy, in which case it can feel downright intrusive, like they’re inside your head.

Non-psykers can usually sense the use of a psyker’s gift indirectly. Someone standing near a telekinetic might feel their hair stand on end, while someone near a precognitive might feel watched. Regardless, strong gifts create a strong sensation of power and tension when in use. 

Psykers stand out to other psykers. When they get close enough they can just feel them on the edge of their perception: more there than everyone else, almost like they’re backlit. Distance varies with sensitivity, but two psykers would usually sense one other across a crowded street.

Psykers have an aura, influenced by their powers and personalities, visible to other psykers when they use their abilities, as well as in dreams. Psykers can also literally sense what other psykers are doing with their powers, especially projective gifts.

Extended contact (physical or mental) with a Psyker (especially one with poor control) or any class of psychic presence can result in… weirdness. This effect is typically non-physical, involving things like accidental dreamwalking and development of low-level esp. Often called “Uncanny” by true psykers, these individuals occupy a strange place between the mundane and the preternatural.

There are only two instances of Psyker powers being successfully suppressed, neither of which has proven replicable: Jack Cabot’s Abramelin-Field and the Master’s Psychic Nullifier. These methods were either developed by a psyker (the Master) or by an individual directly influenced by one (Cabot).

Only one Nullifier still exists, currently in possession of a psyker known as “the Forecaster” in the Mojave wasteland. Its development was possible only due to the Master’s inhuman intellect and innate Gifts; all attempts by the Vault dweller to even comprehend the mechanisms underlying the device’s operation ultimately failed, and the Brotherhood couldn’t find empirical evidence that it did anything at all.

Jack Cabot’s Abramelin-Field is only applicable to one entity: his father Lorenzo Cabot… or the entity inhabiting his body, at least. Although the field causes distress in other psykers (feelings of being smothered/blinded) it doesn’t stop them from using their powers. Jack’s studies have suggested it only suppresses his father’s connection to the crown rather than impacting its powers directly.

[aspd-culture]

This question might be strange:

I'm Dx'd w autism and ASPD, and I've found that my masking is usually heavily influenced by my intuitive reads on people. A lot of people mistakenly call me an empath.

For example, I often get extremely stressed around a couple people at my work who are afraid of and intimidated by me. It actually didn't click why I was so anxious around these people until they told me I scare them lol. Consciously, I'm aware there's nothing to be anxious about, I'm not usually anxious, I don't really care, but I still feel anxiety and frustration. Is this normal in your experience?

I've thought for the longest time that I have undiagnosed Social Anxiety, but this sort of struck me as an epiphany that people just tend to be uncomfortable around me and I reflect that.

Gosh, if I had a nickel for every prosocial who told me I was “such an empath” or “had too much empathy for my own good” or “feel too much of other people’s emotions” I would be SO rich.

So the thing is, while what you explained here may come off as affective empathy in this situation - and absolutely could be - you can check that by looking at other situations with emotions. If these same people at your work were to be sad for a reason unrelated to you, would you feel that sadness the way you do this anxiety? If they were happy, would you feel happy just because they do? If not, then this likely is *not* affective empathy. Instead, it is a rational, if hypervigilant, response to potential social friction, particularly for someone with ASPD.

PwASPD become very good at reading situations and people over the course of our lives because we have to so we can function in society. We often overshoot and get labeled as “empaths” as though it is some amazing power we have - when really we are usually inclined to be adept at psychology, sociology, and manipulation of situations enough to come *across* that way when it is to our benefit to do so. It is important for us to know when we are intimidating or frightening others so that we can adjust to not be “clocked” as having ASPD.

Further, many pwASPD live for and thrive off of a dream of convenience, rather than happiness, and it is rather *inconvenient* to have people afraid of/intimidated by you who might otherwise benefit you in some way - even if that benefit is just avoiding an unnecessary conflict with them in a place we cannot leave, like work. Imagine how it would be to have some kind of altercation with them because of their fear of you, and then still have to work with them every day? That would not just risk your convenience in reference to that person, but to *anyone* who they can convince to be on their side of the situation. That makes work a hellish place to go to (something that is already notoriously harder for pwASPD who are low in the chain of command at their job), but a job is needed for money, and now you’ve guaranteed yourself some serious inconvenience and possible risk to your ability to eat/pay rent/etc. In the effort to avoid that, it is generally quite common in the pwASPD I’ve talked to to be able to know when people are afraid of or intimidated by them through outward cues even if they aren’t actively trying to. When you do something so much, it becomes a habit you don’t have to think about - and that goes double for things that affect your safety.

Plain text below the cut:

Gosh, if I had a nickel for every prosocial who told me I was “such an empath” or “had too much empathy for my own good” or “feel too much of other people’s emotions” I would be SO rich.

So the thing is, while what you explained here may come off as affective empathy in this situation - and absolutely could be - you can check that by looking at other situations with emotions. If these same people at your work were to be sad for a reason unrelated to you, would you feel that sadness the way you do this anxiety? If they were happy, would you feel happy just because they do? If not, then this likely is *not* affective empathy. Instead, it is a rational, if hypervigilant, response to potential social friction, particularly for someone with ASPD.

PwASPD become very good at reading situations and people over the course of our lives because we have to so we can function in society. We often overshoot and get labeled as “empaths” as though it is some amazing power we have - when really we are usually inclined to be adept at psychology, sociology, and manipulation of situations enough to come *across* that way when it is to our benefit to do so. It is important for us to know when we are intimidating or frightening others so that we can adjust to not be “clocked” as having ASPD.

Further, many pwASPD live for and thrive off of a dream of convenience, rather than happiness, and it is rather *inconvenient* to have people afraid of/intimidated by you who might otherwise benefit you in some way - even if that benefit is just avoiding an unnecessary conflict with them in a place we cannot leave, like work. Imagine how it would be to have some kind of altercation with them because of their fear of you, and then still have to work with them every day? That would not just risk your convenience in reference to that person, but to *anyone* who they can convince to be on their side of the situation. That makes work a hellish place to go to (something that is already notoriously harder for pwASPD who are low in the chain of command at their job), but a job is needed for money, and now you’ve guaranteed yourself some serious inconvenience and possible risk to your ability to eat/pay rent/etc. In the effort to avoid that, it is generally quite common in the pwASPD I’ve talked to to be able to know when people are afraid of or intimidated by them through outward cues even if they aren’t actively trying to. When you do something so much, it becomes a habit you don’t have to think about - and that goes double for things that affect your safety.

[jun-ipher]

Omg thanks hahah. No worries it’s not a request or anything. Just ranting and asking your opinion because you write chishiya so beautifully 😩 and it’s no fun to share random blurts that I had about this man with my rlfriends who couldn’t appreciate his existence.

I have been thinking about Chishiya with a popular s/o. Do you think Chishiya will mind? I think he would be annoyed because he prefer to be in the shadow and doesn’t like people to know about his business. But I can also see him as perfect candidate as a famous person’s boyfriend ya know? Like that man will not be bothered at all if you got scandalous dating rumours or working with attractive costar. He is pretty secure with himself.

So yeah I’m stuck here with my plot. Which do you think Chishiya would value more. Will having no privacy be his deal breaker?

Im looking forward to hear your thoughts! 🫶 you are one of my favourite Chishiya’s writer and I trust your opinion

OMG THANK YOU! not you saying you trust my opinion🥺

rant under the cut!

i think chishiya as a famous person's bf has its pros and cons? he is definitely a very private person, so he wouldn't mind signing an NDA and keeping everything a secret/private

at the same time, i wonder if he would think it's too problematic/too much of a headache? i can definitely see him being put off by the paparazzi 🤔

i think he might need some convincing, but he could consider dating a famous person, especially if it means he can have benefits, such as private and avant-première viewings. i headcanon manga chishiya as secretly enjoying art galleries bcs art is subjective and he won't feel weird for not understanding a painting exactly as the next person does

netflix chishiya is portrayed as having more empathy, so depending on which version of canon you prefer, he will be more or less a good boyfriend for a celebrity. ofc, i don't really see manga chishiya as trying to date anyway. at least not before the borderlands🤷‍♀️

if his s/o is a normal person, but just popular in general, he would definitely be smug about it still. he would also find it interesting how so many people crowd around a person who isn't even famous, just because they are nice or funny. he would definitely choose to hang out with s/o's friends just to observe the interactions (i think this gave me some ideas for trtc omg)

also, if the celebrity!s/o has dating rumours or good-looking co-stars, i agree that he wouldn't be bothered by it. he is too rational to let jealousy get the best of him fr.

i imagine it more like, he is on the sofa, scrolling on his phone. celebrity!s/o is sitting next to him. an article pops up on his phone.

y/n l/n rumoured to be dating co-star. then some pictures of them together laughing in close distance.

chishiya looks over to you, an eyebrow raised, and reads the title out loud. "there are some interesting pictures too," he muses.

when you turn to look at him, you see his lips quirked up in amusement and his shoulders relaxed.

"it's just a rumour," you say the obvious. "we started doing the promo for the newest season and have to act close. he asked to meet you, by the way. if you want to come on set one day, you could. or we can go out for drinks."

chishiya turns back to his phone, wondering if coming on set and dealing with the paparazzi is really worth it.

"we'll see," is all he says, then he scrolls down. he's never cared about the rumours anyway. he knows that at the end of the day, he is the only one in your mind.

he is so secure, i don't see him getting jealous too often. maybe if there is something else going on with the rumours, like s/o not having time for him anymore, or them not answering his texts? then, i see him acting petty for a short while before telling s/o about it. i don't think he would sit them down, he would just be asshole-y and cold about it

anywayyy this is only what i headcanon

this was so fun!!

[gornackeaterofworlds]

Know that I am gently batting you around for being amazing!

How about number 37 and 10 for any oc or oc’s of your choosing! ^W^

Know that I am consuming you whole in one big bite btw

10. If your character is an antagonist or something of the like, do they self-justify their actions? If so, how?

Marvel OCs:

Eva: She doesn't necessarily cross that territory once the lab holding her prisoner dissipated, but during training she did anything it took to make them happy, crossing any lines. When first brought into the program she'd refused, and so they found that if they hurt Evan, they could convince her to do what they wanted. So that's how she justifies any deed she feels guilty about throughout her life, that it's for Evan, to protect Evan, she gets to shuck the blame of the choice if it's for Evan.

Evan: He is a lot more intentionally morally grey than Eva. He was a terrified little boy before, but after learning about his dimension(9591), seeing Eva cause so much pain for his sake, spending years as a prisoner, he gets a very nihilistic streak. His mindset is that everything he does is just for his own survival, his own gain, and while it causes a little guilt, he rationalizes his actions with "it's worse for people in my/other dimension(s), so people here shouldn't complain." Refusing to allow empathy helps also.

TMNT OCs:

Anni: Huge antagonistic streak, but she swears nothing is her fault! It's all for a purpose, for the end goal! Illegal activities galore. Her defense? "The government sucks anyway." Emotional manipulation? "I simply had to, it's the only way to do/get [object]!" I don't think I made it very clear in my fic, and part of that was intentional, but she's a very manipulative, sly person. Though I'm taking a break, in one of the two posted chapters she manipulates Donnie into getting his phone number and getting to come over another day. Also outright coerces April into seeing the turtles, but that's worded more obviously. Barely thinks about the repercussions of these things until later, and it leads to deconstructing her child abuse.

Millie: It's all her traumatic past, promise!! Not a very big bad girl side, most of her "antagonistic" actions are more like lies by omission. Hiding things. Stealing. Doesn't like to burden others, especially her friends, with things that are so petty in comparison to their issues. Also slightly manipulative, but more of a "pulling very small specific strings to get the reaction she wants" way, like Anni's smaller manipulations. Rationalizes by playing dumb/ignoring it or just thinking that it's very small, inconsequential, but also doesn't want to haunt them.

37. What does your character want to change about themselves?

Marvel OCs:

Eva: Pre-main battle, slightly guiltily wishes she wasn't a mutant. Though for her, it's more about "if I wasn't special, I wouldn't have been brought to this dimension, and Evan wouldn't have gotten hurt because of me." Post-main battle, there's not a lot she'd change. Still holds onto that past sentiment, but in regards to the deceased 616 Eva instead of Evan. During this arc, she tries a lot of things and explores herself a lot, so there's a lot of self-love there.

Evan: Doesn't want to be a mutant, and this is very consistent throughout his life. He never goes back to 9591, but he's heard about it from other dimension-travelers and from Eva, who visited one time(and was veeery careful not to use her powers there). Terrified every day that the curse of that dimension will still affect him, so he's very hesitant to use his powers. Thankfully it doesn't affect his looks, so he can pretend, but because he's stuck by Eva's side, he's a little forced to use his powers on the team(though that ends after the main battle, since she's in the hospital, he kinda does whatever he wants and really likes being an average person)

TMNT OCs:

Anni: Her childhood her childhood her childhood. PLAGUED by "what if I was a normal civilian". Without getting into spoilers, she does eventually tone down the international criminal persona, even brokering a deal to go into witness protection while staying in New York(it helps that her main partner in crime(literally), her father, is dead)

Millie: Kinda...everything? In most iterations of Millie I've made, like for Rise, she doubles as a spidersona, and in those iterations she wishes she had been a normal human so she could've died with the rest of her dimension(she's a little stuck wandering the multiverse to find a dimension where the Krang lose..) In the iterations where she's typically not spiderman, like Bay, she'd probably change her looks or entire lifestyle to be prettier or more interesting. I'll admit she's a self insert bc I'm cringe shush. And that's what I'd change, so it applies to her as well.

[togglessymposium]

This is an interesting and thoughtful post, and I'm glad you wrote it, though I don't really have the same feeling. I had a sort of middle-center-right upbringing, followed by a pivot across the aisle as a young adult at about the time (mid-aughts?) that some real daylight was starting to show between liberalism and leftism in a politically consequential way; there was an acclimatization period where I was sampling rather heavily from both, but the last 10-15 years have been almost exclusively from the liberal side of the dyad, and I'm definitely growing more sharply defined in that over time. I've identified personally and quietly as 'anti-SJ' for at least a decade now- depending on my social environment. I fancy that I've managed to do so without catching the mind virus or hanging my trans friends out to dry.

The cringe away from certain ideas was... there, I guess, but inconsistently. Cringe is very much downstream of social norms, and as the years went on and my peers and friends group got selected more and more from Blue Tribe, 'normal' started to shift as well. And anyway I think I've been cringing less and less as time goes by; the liberalism itself is terrific for cultivating empathy, and a celebration of all the wacky shit that humans get up to.

I think what you're underestimating here is the role of consensus-based epistemics and their implicit threats towards nonconformity, and what that does to people's sense of belonging. Particularly when they have staked their identities and reputation on iconoclasm! Sticking with the healing crystal analogy for a moment-

The problem isn't that healing crystals are popular, per se. It's that healing crystals are a condition and signifier for group membership, and you're literally not welcome in many spaces if you don't bring your healing crystal, even spaces you helped found and build, and failing to do so will be met with as much resistance as the organized left is capable of leveraging. I am pretty sure, in fact, that a large chunk of the leftish community feels on some level that they have to use this kind of non-rational social force to push ideas; certainly anybody who's been immersed in that culture for more than about five years will have experience with moral norms changing on a dime, or the social catastrophe of using a previously-correct form of moral reasoning in circumstances where it doesn't achieve the desired answer. You can't actually argue somebody in to believing in healing crystals, because it's not true or even attempting to be a truth claim really. It's a form of fashion, like skinny jeans. You just demonstrate a cool new lifestyle and hope people will imitate it, and once you have enough people imitating it, you pivot towards enforcing it with social hierarchy- in other words, weaponizing the cringe in the other direction. Setting the cringe of crystal healing against the far greater cringe of not fitting in.

There's a subtle problem with this, even if moral fashion happens to line up in the moment with the world you want to live in- and progressive moral claims usually do, for me. But the nature of fashion is such that you never get to be secure in those fashions for any length of time. The contrarian in me gets grumpy when some listicle tells me that I'm obliged to leash my epistemic reasoning to demographics, sure; that's going nowhere good, and would in itself be grounds for politely parting ways with the progressive wing. But far more corrosive even than that is the ongoing fear that existentially important pillars of progressive moral philosophy are subject to revision without notice, because there is no mechanism providing for consistency across time or between different domains. If I wake up tomorrow and The Consensus is that gay men are misogynistic for not dating women, there's absolutely nothing I can do about that, nor is there any possible guarantee today that it won't happen. I could trivially construct such an argument in the proper progressive vocabulary right now, and the fact that it's inconsistent with established progressive norms is no counterargument. On the contrary, it's desirable, because it helps sort the most up-to-date and fashionable progressives from those who are slow adopters.

As a result, once you have enough experience to understand how protean these social norms can be, you never quite feel safe in progressive spaces. It's always a competition, always climbing a slippery pole trying to make sure you stay ahead of those shifting fashions and don't accidentally wear last year's virtues. And you have limited-to-no ability to make sure that those fashions don't do grievous harm to the lives of you and the people you care about, and sometimes they just will; we're not really talking about quartz rocks and skinny jeans here. If you're in a position of relative security, or if the top of that pole offers you something that you couldn't get otherwise, this is sometimes worth it- it has many problems, but the system really isn't as dystopian as all that. But it can never be a home, really, a place you go to feel comfortable and safe. The people around you become both your competitors and your judge in a grand competition with arbitrary and sometimes terrible rules. Some people seem to thrive in that panopticon; I certainly don't, and I think a lot of the derangement syndrome follows from it.

That said, this process is really good for generating miles of discourse and thoughtful debate from many different angles. Listening to all of these conversations can be tremendously helpful for persistent and consistent moral growth; I don't think I'd have understood trans issues half as well as I do now if I hadn't been attentive to the internal progressive conversation. I just don't want to stake my identity or my happiness on the outcome.

Imagine one day a new social trend starts spreading. It’s something unbelievably dumb. Not harmful per de, but truly silly to believe. Let’s say, I dunno, healing crystals start going mainstream. Everybody’s talking about their crystals. It becomes impolite to criticize people who believe in healing crystals. They become a big part of people’s personalities, and people on TV start talking about them, and one day years down the line politicians are debating funding for crystal-based medicine. And through it all you are sitting there going, what the fuck is happening. I thought we were all on the same page on this. You want to get along and be friendly and open minded but you cannot pretend to believe in healing crystals, this is nonsense, and when the topic comes up you refuse to lie about it. This eventually starts to have social consequences—they’re that popular!—but what can you do? You cannot pretend a lump of quartz can cure the flu or whatever. It’s just all so unbearably embarrassing.

I think what the centrist/liberal/center-left reactionary turn driven by culture war stuff feels like. And I think the key emotion is probably cringe. Not hate, not fear, though those emotions may reinforce the turn. I think in a lot of cases people who imagine themselves pretty open minded and flexible have as part of their worldview something they thought was bedrock social consensus—on the level of “healing crystals are silly woo”—so bedrock maybe that it didn’t even need to be a conceptual boundary they actually policed in their minds.

For instance, when she started her anti-trans turn, JK Rowling made a big show of not being really anti trans, just arguing that Some People Had Gone Too Far. She wasn’t a frothing religious reactionary, after all. And I believe that’s probably true! I think Rowling probably did have a mental model of sex and gender with a little bit of give in it—of the “we can humor the odd weirdo” type. But as the discussion of trans rights in the UK got more serious over her lifetime, trans people went from “the odd weirdo” to “a recognized minority,” and eventually this ran against a bedrock belief that on some level men are men and women are women and never the twain shall meet. To act otherwise was just too embarrassing. And she wasn’t going to embarrass herself in the name of political correctness.

Other people whose brains have been eaten by the anti-woke mind virus (as @eightyonekilograms calls it) have something going of the contrarian in them, who enjoys yelling “up yours, woke moralists!” or w/e. Im thinking of ppl like Glenn Greenwald here, or Dave Chapelle, people who seem not to feel alive except when people are mad at them. That’s a separate but interesting dynamic. And there are people like Graham Linehan who become totally unhinged through this process of auto-radicalization, moths drawn ever closer to a particular source of validation within their chosen reactionary subcommunity, until they are truly parodies of themselves. That is also an important dynamic, but it’s one that only takes hold after the initial turn has begun.

I think the role of that feeling of cringe, that refusal to entertain an idea because it is too embarrassing (even if it does actually have a decent body of research behind it, unlike crystals) is important to think about, because I am interested in how to get people over it. I know that feeling has affected my own thinking over my lifetime. I wasn’t raised particularly conservative, but I had to learn not to cringe at a lot of feminist thought before I could appreciate it and learn from it. I explicitly didn’t have that cringe when it came to gay people for whatever reason, so it never entered my mind that it might be a problem. I remember being surprised to learn when I was very young that some boys wanted to marry other boys, but my response was “huh. Go figure.” Because for whatever reason I had not picked up that this was something I was supposed to be grossed out by. A general doctrine of empathy, of trying to understand people on their own terms, can help forestall some of this stuff, but it’s not foolproof in either direction—I don’t want to believe crystals have healing powers if it becomes socially popular to do so, just because it is socially popular to do so! And if they do, I don’t want to not believe they do just because it is socially unpopular!

(Obviously the crystals thing is not a one to one metaphor for the trans thing, so don’t read too much into that. Maybe astrology would have been a better analogy. Also I’m not talking just about people whose reactionary turn is predicated on trans issues—I think this dynamic applies to everything from gay rights to the Tridentine Mass. But trans issues are a handy example bc, as the adage goes, somebody posts once about trans people and they never post anything normal again. I think the classic rapid-onset trans derangement syndrome is closely tied to the fact that gender norms are a really deep element of many people’s social-consensus-based worldview, and so challenged to that worldview are felt as really cringe.)

I’m curious if other people who grew more liberal in their thinking over time had a similar experience of having to overcome what was basically a feeling of embarrassment at certain ideas.

[neurodivergientqueerthoughts]

Introduction

Have you been wondering what ADHD is really like? This will not be biased towards one minority of people who have ADHD. It will be focused on the big picture.

This document will explain the seriousness of ADHD and everything that may come with it. Make sure to do more research into ADHD, as I am not an expert (although I, myself, have ADHD). In this, I go into detail about different aspects of ADHD and why it should not be taken lightly.

What is ADHD?

(Note: Not everyone with ADHD has these symptoms. They can vary from person to person.)

Constant activity going on internally (Hyperactivity)

Hyperfixations

Hyperfocusing

Depression (Co-occurring)

Anxiety (Co-occurring)

Sensory Processing Disorder

Executive Dysfunction

Auditory Processing Disorder (Co-occurring)

Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria

Insomnia / Sleep issues

Inability to focus

Difficulty switching tasks

Inability to stick to one task

Mood swings

Difficulty regulating emotions

Choice paralysis

Problems with focusing

Poor impulse control

Trouble recalling things, such as commonly used words

Exhaustion levels

Imposter syndrome

Overwhelm

Overstimulation / Sensory Overload

Understimulation

Memory issues

Motivation issues

Time blindness

Poor sense of time

Delayed Sleep Phase Syndrome (Co-occurring)

Extreme boredom

Going into Detail

Executive Dysfunction/ADHD Paralysis:

A feeling of constantly ‘waiting for something’, without knowing what or why.

Confusion as to how to start or do a task.

A feeling of being completely overwhelmed, even by mundane tasks, to a point of being unable to do the task or function.

A very good description of how this can feel is “a fuzzy-restless feeling when you need to do something but your brain won’t focus on anything… you’re silently begging yourself to just do one thing but instead you’re [sitting there] even though you don’t even want to be. It’s like your head is filled with heavy electric cotton… you’re both uncomfortable and unable to stop.”

This is not the same thing as procrastination or laziness. This occurs with tasks that the person is afraid to do, does not want to do, or even wants to do. Laziness means that a person does not feel like doing something, but they could if they wanted to. Executive dysfunction/ADHD paralysis can be described as something a person has been trying to do for [insert amount of time between minutes and months/years], but they physically cannot do the task and end up feeling like a failure because of that. It is debilitating.

Hyperfixation/Hyperfocus:

An extreme obsession over something. This can be creating something, finding out everything about something, or just something that creates extreme emotions in somebody.

This obsession can easily become unhealthy as the person may forget to take care of themselves due to it. However, these hyperfixations cause extreme joy or curiosity in the person.

Difficulty switching tasks:

“When you have ADHD, task switching can often be difficult. You might feel like you're stuck in a gear. It might be you're trying to start, and your gears just keep on grinding. Other times you may want to stop but the gear just stays in place because you're hyper-focusing on whatever you're doing.”

Inability to stick to one task:

People with ADHD often have issues with motivation, which leads to many unfinished projects.

If a task does not give a person with ADHD dopamine, they are often unable to complete the task (i.e. homework; chores).

Delayed Sleep Phase Syndrome:

Instead of having a regular circadian rhythm, with sleeping hours from 11 pm to 7 am, people have an irregular pattern of 2 am to about 10 am.

These times are flexible. However, this means that people with ADHD tend to have issues with falling asleep at a “normal time”.

Extreme boredom:

People with ADHD have issues with dopamine and serotonin.

There are moments when boredom can be painful. People with ADHD can be bored to tears due to extreme emotions and a lack of dopamine.

Time Processing:

If somebody has to leave at 8 am and they wake up at 5:30, they will think that they have two hours or less to get ready. Time seems to pass without a pattern or rhythm.

“Today is Monday, but tomorrow is Tuesday and I have class. After that is Wednesday: I’m having lunch with my mom. Then on Thursday, I have a night class which means it’s basically already Friday and this week is already over.”

Time Blindness:

Not knowing how much time has passed based on their ‘internal clock’; they don’t have one!

Being completely unaware of how much time something will take.

Memory issues:

With ADHD, memory can be greatly affected. Some things will be forgotten very quickly, and some things can be over-remembered.

Difficulty regulating emotions:

“Processing emotions starts in the brain. Sometimes the working memory impairments of ADHD allow a momentary emotion to become too strong, flooding the brain with one intense emotion.” -Thomas Brown, PhD

Brain imaging shows that delayed rewards don’t register for people with ADHD. They are more motivated by the instant gratification that strong emotions deliver.

As a result, a person with ADHD may struggle to deal rationally and realistically with events that are stressful, but not of grave concern.

Motivation issues:

People with ADHD have much lower levels of dopamine than those without ADHD. This causes the brain to constantly crave dopamine.

If a task is not providing the dopamine the brain wants, it will make a person with ADHD less motivated to complete the task, or even start it.

Overstimulation / Sensory Overload:

Information reaching the senses feels like an assault of competing stimuli.

Understimulation:

Outside stimuli are dulled, as if a shade has been pulled over the environment, muting sights, sounds, and touch. These people crave extra stimulation to feel alive.

Exhaustion levels:

Feeling fatigued and tired all the time can actually be related to ADHD. Due to low dopamine levels, people with ADHD can feel exhausted even after getting ample amounts of sleep.

Ironically, people can get bursts of energy from ADHD as well. This can be from hyperactivity or high amounts of dopamine.

Imposter Syndrome:

Feeling like a fraud and doubting your own abilities.

Somebody who is intelligent and who has ADHD can have imposter syndrome towards both. They are not related to each other, but the ways they are portrayed in media causes imposter syndrome.

Auditory Processing Disorder:

Things can take longer to process when somebody hears them than when they see/read them.

The amount or complexity of noise around somebody can affect how they hear things.

Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria:

Extreme anxiety towards being criticized or rejected by others, despite their relationship with the person.

Extreme pain or emotional sensitivity is caused by a sense of ‘rejection’.

Hyperactivity:

This is not always visible, if at all. There is constant activity going on inside of a person’s head when they have ADHD.

This creates difficulty with sleep and relaxation.

If visible, it usually takes the form of fidgeting or stimming.

“Dealing” with ADHD

ADHD cannot be fixed, but some things can help people work with it. The coping mechanisms vary from person to person, and they aren’t always going to work. Getting diagnosed with ADHD is the best step to take before anything else, as trained professionals can help with ADHD symptoms.

It is important to understand that ADHD is a learning and doing disability. It affects every aspect of life, but it isn’t a bad thing! Many things with ADHD can be positive as well. Hyperfocusing can lead to a lot of productivity! Additionally, people with ADHD are known to be more creative and inventive (according to numerous studies). Empathy and compassion are higher in individuals with ADHD. People with ADHD even have a stronger moral compass!

[cinnamonest]

Xiao - Yandere Profile

Y’all big horny for yaksha boi too??? Excellent.

Remember how I said Kaeya and Diluc were like a game on hard mode? Xiao is Dark Souls on the 6th stacked difficulty of New Game Plus.

I really like Xiao on an analytical level because he's an excellent candidate for the debate some have as to the nature of selfless vs selfish love... He's a good one to analyze for that debate bc holy fuck does this man have some of the most selfish, inconsiderate love out there. He's brutal as fuck. I feel like his would be such an interesting balance of wanting returned affection and being really obsessive, yet being so uncompromising and not really at all hesitant to wreck your shit. This is the longest one I've made, too, I had a lot of thoughts lmao.

Fun fact, when I first heard his name was Xiao I assumed it would be the hanzi for "dawn" since I've seen that used in Chinese given names sometimes... Nope, I'd never seen the hanzi for his name before so I looked it up and it's like an impish demon creature lol

I had a dilemma between to go for tsunyandere or kuuyandere, but I was in a dark content mood so I kinda went kuuyandere route.

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tws: mentions of mutilation (on reader), mentions of violence and torture (on rivals), kidnapping, Xiao is very lacking in empathy and borders on sociopathic behavior (which can be triggering to some people), mentions of misogyny bc I'm just gross like that, generally dark and awful

tws (below cut): noncon, more mentions of mutilation goddammit Xiao, forced submission, also generally dark and awful

This is probably the darkest one I've written, so, that's a fair warning.

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What are they generally like? Lucid, aware? Obsessive? How do they behave?

Aware, over time, and very irritated by it, really. He's above... Feeling things. He changes with time. He starts off a bit irritated, flustered even, which is something he's never really experienced before. Honestly exemplifies the "boys are mean to you because they like you" trope, he will go out of his way to be harsher and colder towards you because how dare you make him... Feel things. He'll be exceptionally harsh in how he speaks to you, even more than others. But... once he realizes it drives you away, he'll realize that he actually wants you around him.

But that's the thing - Xiao doesn't normally go out of his way to do anything to anyone, really. He's cold and a bit aggressive because he's bothered by or just doesn't really enjoy people, but if they leave him alone, he leaves them alone. You're different - he feels a weird, uncomfortable feeling in your presence, but he still wants your presence anyway. It's a lot of new sensations for him, and it's overwhelming. So many new feelings.

One, he doesn't understand why his stomach flutters when you smile at him, why chills run down his spine when you accidentally brush your hand across his. Well, he understands what it usually means for humans - but he's not human, surely, there's no way he could possibly experience that same "love" humans do, right?

Love is horrible after all - he's seen how humans obsess over it, how much tragedy it can bring to their lives, and, in particular, how much of a fool of themselves humans often make when "in love", especially the men.

He thinks he's above the human feelings, so he'll deny it to himself at first. It will likely be some kind of breaking point for him, particularly one in which you're in danger. Normally, he couldn't care less about people in danger - if someone isn't strong enough to protect themselves, they die, that's just how the world works. But he sees you shoved down, another human looming over you with murderous intent in their eyes, he sees the fear on your face and the tears streaming down and something in him snaps and bursts and gives way to the intense emotions he's tried to shove down. He'll go wild, and make quick work of the offender. And you'll thank him for saving you of course, even if the display was a bit horrifying to see.

It's not only that intense nervousness in the others presence, but an enjoyment of their presence. It's so contradictory and he hates it - he feels so nervous, so jittery around you, yet at the same time, something about your presence, your smiles, your voice is addictive to him and he needs more of it. He enjoys spending time with you - a new sensation.

Over time, as he becomes aware of how he feels, he becomes less flustered, more stone-faced and matter of fact about it. He accepts that he feels a sense of affection, now his concern is how to handle it. He just has no idea how to begin going about it. Does he just try to suppress it? Act on it? He acknowledges the possibility of rejection, what then? Of course, rejection wouldn't make him stop wanting you with him, it wouldn't even really deter him, but it would make things more difficult than if you accepted it. He spends a while contemplating, just trying to make sense of it all.

He ends up laying awake at night with you in his mind - it's pathetic, it irritates him. No human is important enough to occupy his mind. And yet, even if he tries, he can't stop. And, as much as it disgusts him, he finds himself feeling very physical sensations when thinking about you. That's the most irritating part, to him. He's always viewed humans' drive to copulate as disgusting, and really a pathetic weakness - again, he's seen the absolutely foolish things human men do and the extensive lengths they go to for just a spare crumb of sex. So the first few times he ends up getting a physical reaction to those late night thoughts, he'll try to ignore the throbbing and just go about his night, but eventually it starts to get painful. That's the point at which he decides he can't just sit around and do nothing.

How likely are they to kidnap their darling? How quickly will they do so?

Unavoidable. But not the absolute fastest. He's far too confused by his feelings at first, and doesn't understand why he has the urge to do so. He'll experiment, spending time around you, trying to figure himself out. His prideful tsundere nature comes out then -- it's not like he enjoys your presence, no. He feels something very strange about you, and one of the possibilities in his mind is that perhaps he's being drawn to you because his subconscious perceives you as an enemy, perhaps. Something in him knows that you're up to no good, so he has to follow you, maybe. Those reasons are far more likely than actually enjoying being around you, he thinks.

As he comes to understand it better and is forced to acknowledge that he feels an affection for you, he begins to feel a darker urge. One of the things that forces him to recognize said affection is how much it irritates him to see you talk to others. He rationalizes this, as it is perfectly normal for humans to feel jealousy, isn't it? ... But are humans this upset when they see their beloved talk to their own family? Is it normal? Is it a thing with just the males, and that's why he feels that way? Surely the humans don't get this upset, or else they wouldn't let their beloveds have friends and speak to others, right? He doesn't really feel guilt for the urges, but he does feel bothered by the notion of having some abnormal desire, wonder if there's something wrong with him.

Well, he starts thinking back to history, and all the things he's witnessed, and that gives him... an idea. Teyvat has been around a long time. There have been several cultures and societies that did keep lovers... restrained. Confined to a house... forbidden from speaking to others... and that idea sounds nice, he thinks. Back in those days, no one would bat an eye at his desire to keep you away from the world, right? So really, it's not abnormal or weird at all. Things just change with time, but there's nothing abnormal about him, it's perfectly normal to want to prevent you from ever speaking to anyone else ever again. Sure, those cultures never went that far, but... it's the same idea, right?

So, he decides, there's nothing wrong with him, and in that case, he doesn't have any guilt or concern for your desires to hold him back. He's another one to take a fairly barbaric route -- he'll be one to show up while you sleep, clamp a hand over your mouth, gag you and tie you up, before leaving right out your window. He'll find an isolated, quiet, well-hidden place to reside, one with an enclosed, windowless room to keep you confined.

He doesn't like it, but he's not completely lacking in understanding human psychology. He wouldn't like to be in your shoes, wouldn't like if someone did to him what he's going to do to you, so he understands why you'll be upset, he prepares for it, even. He's not a delusional. So, from the beginning, he's already planning out how to make you compliant and love him. He settles on a simple tactic: utilize what he knows to force your human nature to love him.

How difficult is it to escape from them? How do they keep you restrained? How do they deal with attempted escape? 

Once you do get kidnapped, it's pretty tight security. Kind of like Albedo, he'll take you far away from society. Again, he's not super concerned with your desire on the matter, since this is about keeping you with him, it's about his imperatives. He doesn't really want to harm you, though, so there is a slight consideration. He's stuck on a balance of wanting to keep you agreeable and obedient, but keeping you confined is most important, so he'll try to keep it a bit comfortable. He'll get you a nice bed, very soft things. He's so nice, he'll even get you leather cuffs instead of metal ones. But you will be getting restrained, and no amount of begging will get him to take them off. He'll also give you nothing to do, and probably nothing to wear. Clothes are a waste and totally unnecessary when no one but him sees you. And the boredom will make you compliant. You'll be so unbearably bored that talking to him will be like a privilege. You'll start to look forward to it. You'll bond with him. He'll be your only source of mental stimulation. He's smart enough to figure that out when he's in the planning stages of your confinement, and already has this planned out.

Because he... struggles to feel high amounts of empathy when it's about what he wants, it's doubtful he'll ever really lighten up without incentive. Sure, he could lighten up on your restraints, but why should he? Sure, it would alleviate your suffering, but it would present the slightest chance of an escape. Your comfort isn't worth the insecurity and worry he'd have throughout the day. Why would he be so foolish as to feel that it was?

Escape attempts are an ultimate transgression to Xiao. He understands your stubbornness and anger to the extent that they don't hurt him too much, but an escape attempt is one of the few things you can do that make him feel genuine hurt. You won't get away for long, he will hunt you down in no time and he will ensure you're discouraged from ever attempting that again. He's not very hesitant to be brutal. Really, he doesn't want to hurt you just for the sake of it, but he knows how powerful fear and pain are. He'll make sure you are strongly dissuaded from another attempt. If you're, miraculously, brave enough to try again, he'll have to take a step further and make sure you can't.

How easy are they to trick, deceive, or manipulate?

Don't. He's not stupid, he tells you, the moment you try anything. And you really, really, really should be trying to avoid making him mad. Honestly, if you're at this point, you'd have to be either incredibly unafraid of pain, or just crazy to try and do anything that could result in his anger. He'll shut it down almost immediately, and tell you exactly that.

How lenient are they? What privileges can you have, and what will you be denied?

He knows you need food and all that, so he'll generally get you whatever you want to make for yourself. He's got a limited list of things he's willing to eat so you'll quickly find yourself asking for the privilege of getting different foods please I'm begging you for something other than almond tofu, and he'll get you whatever you ask for, at least in that regard. He's not going to starve you or anything. But you'll find it's probably one of the only things you get much of a choice on.

If you want any relief from the harsh restraint and boredom, you have one option: succumb.

No amount of disobedience or disagreeableness will have him letting up on you. You might think you can hold out and be stubborn long enough to get him to cave, but you'd be wrong. You will crack before he does, and he knows it. He'll simply punish your disobedience, and wait out a bit more. And wait, and wait, and wait, because you won't last long. It's inevitable that you will succumb to him, start to crave him, start to be sweet and affectionate, and bond with him. At that point, maybe he'll let you walk around - hey, getting your muscles back to normal from the atrophy can be a bonding activity. And he might give you some approved tasks or books or the like. But at the first sign of a regression, the first sign of disobedience, the first sign of rejection from you, that will be gone, and you'll have to earn it back, starting back at square one.

What kind of rules do they have? What kind of punishment would they use?

Don't run away. Obey everything he says.

He doesn't make a rule against fighting him, really, and he doesn't need to. You'll be far too terrified of him to try, and even if you did, it would be like swatting a fly, he could disarm and incapacitate you in seconds.

And now, we get into one of the darker yanderes. Once again, Xiao doesn't really get emotions too well, and doesn’t understand his own all that much. His brain thinks in actions and results. If you're trying to run away, he'll simply have to make it so that you can't... ever again. He is one of the most likely yanderes to be open to truly, permanently incapacitating you to a severe degree to keep you with him. He understands why you're upset, but surely you knew the consequences, right? You tried to run away, it only makes sense that he would do something like this, you should understand that, even if you don't like it. You're foolish to try and talk him out of it, what, do you think he's going to be persuaded by you crying? If you were that opposed to it, you shouldn't have tried to run. Really, he doesn't understand why you humans do things as if there's no consequences.

Xiao... doesn't feel guilt. When it's something unintentional, something he didn't mean to do, he can, but when it's about what he wants? There's none, really. He usually goes on what works best for him, and for the most part, that's keeping you happy. But when your happiness goes against keeping you with him, his imperative takes priority. You'll get over it eventually, and he'll help you. He can carry you wherever you need to go, you don't need to walk.

How do they deal with rivals, or perceived rivals? Will they get rid of them? Will they kill them themselves, or find another way?

Eek.

Yeah it won't be pretty. He gets mad about rivals, and he perceives everyone as one. He's another one that doesn't really distinguish between romantic rivals and rivals for attention - your family and friends are just as much of a problem as any love interests, because you smile at them, you pay attention to them, you like them, and just that knowledge makes an unbearable rage boil inside him.

He's desensitized to violence, and doesn't really understand how it affects normal people - he won't think of how it might affect you to see it, so slaughtering people in front of you comes naturally to him. He's actually one of the ones who might get angry enough to make it slow, making sure they know what they did wrong, even if that consisted of simply being a stranger who smiled at you. If you react negatively, he won't really understand. He has some, but doesn't possess a lot of empathy. He'll chalk it up to you being a hysterical, emotional human with your incapacitating aversion to violence. He's glad he doesn't have such a strong aversion. Would make his job rather difficult.

How easy is it to make them mad? What does their anger look like?

He's pretty easily set off. He gets frustrated because he thinks you're being unnecessarily difficult, and frankly he's very used to getting his way with things immediately. In his life, most of the things he wants are either given to him very easily, or are easily obtainable with a simple exertion of violence. Usually he can just, well, kill and slaughter and maim his way to any result he desires. This is one of the first issues he's dealt with that violence won't solve. Well... maybe not the extent he's used to. But nonetheless, perhaps a bit of controlled violence can solve his problems, at least to an extent.

His anger is, as you can imagine, terrifying. Sure, he'll reassure you that he won't kill you, but you can't get out of your head the images of the things you've seen him do by that point, the people you've undoubtedly seen die and suffer at his hands. He snarls and speaks in a deep, booming voice when he's at his angriest, and it's enough to make you panic. If he's angry enough, he knows he can't be around you, because he fears hurting you further than he means to, so he'll likely leave. If it's enough that he feels he can control it, though, it's not pretty. He's one to hold something in his hands and squeeze it to alleviate anger so hard it breaks. Just hope that doesn't happen to be your hand, arm, shoulder, or any other part of your person.

So they see you as above them, beneath them, or equal to them?

He doesn't... really care? I'm tempted to say far below, but really, the whole concept of relative value of humans and status and the like holds no meaning to him. He thinks it's foolish and pointless to even ponder such things.

As for his superiority in certain things, it's different. He's smarter than you. He's stronger than you. He's faster, he's more perceptive, he's more capable, he's wiser, he's more skilled. These things are just facts, they are the undeniable reality, he thinks. However, he doesn't really assign these things as having any ties to the relative value of an individual, and in his mind, humans don't really, either. Didn't they prioritize the lives of children? Children are far lesser in every way, but humans treat them as most important, even if they rightfully see them as inferior in every way. So it's the same with him, he thinks. In every field, you're inferior, but that doesn't really matter, worth and relative position are worthless human ideas.

As for treatment, however, he treats you as lower, which is all that really matters. He wants obedience and submission, and he'll get it, no matter what extent he has to go to.

How determined are they for you to love them? How hard will they try to make it happen? Or are they content just having you?

He's in the middle - one of the ones that would LIKE for you to love them, but in the end, even if they feel like you never will, they still want you anyway. He'll never stop trying, though.

He's got a lot of pride and wouldn't resort to groveling and desperately trying the way some would. Like a few others, he kinda automatically feels like he deserves the things he wants, including your love. But his unfamiliarity with human emotions leads him to be a little confused and unable to read you. He knows humans play "hard to get," and may assume that's what you're doing. And he recognizes that by kidnapping you, he is removing you from your friends and family, so he concludes that you're only mean to him because you're mad. And anger settles down with time, right? He also knows that, even if humans don't like someone, if they're forced to spend time around them, they'll form a bond. So what he concludes is that simply time is needed. Time to let anger simmer down, time to forget about those others, time to inevitably come to depend on him.

With his experimentation, what he discovers is that even if you aren't affectionate, he is still happier with your presence than without. So he'll keep you no matter what, he decides. You'll come around eventually. And gradually, even if it's ever so slow, you will. You will, no matter how hard you may fight it, the effects of such isolation are ultimately inevitable.

Some yanderes might be upset by the notion that they have to mentally deteriorate their darling to obtain love - they want you to love them "organically" and feel like love born from mindbreak and isolation isn't "real." You might think he'd be like that, due to his tendency to be prideful, but he's actually not. Xiao doesn't understand emotions well enough to distinguish little differences like that. Sure he had to use a strategy, but it's still love, isn't it? It's the same thing, so why should how it came about matter? It took a little bit of extra work, is all. And although he won't say so, he thinks you're worth it.

Bonus: Is there anything that makes them unique, in comparison to other yanderes?

Is somewhat reluctant to confess to you and may try to come up with some other reason as to why he did it, but it's kinda obvious when he's so concerned about you, so blushy and flustered in the beginning and the way he runs his hands through your hair when he thinks you're asleep. But yeah, initially he might try to think up some way to explain why your kidnapping is for some other weird complex reason he made up, and not just because he really REALLY wants you all to himself.

He's also very matter-of-fact about things. He says things with a straight face, no matter how horrifying, sweet, or inappropriate they may be. Doesn't matter if he's finally confessing his love, talking about how he wants to keep you locked away forever, or threatening to break your legs, it'll all generally be carried with the same facial expression and tone of voice. The only difference is the eye contact and slight blush if it's one of the former.

You may be able to catch moments of vulnerability, especially late-stage, months into your new life. If you've been highly affectionate, and he trusts you, he might seek some reassurance every now and then, in a soft, quiet voice, for a few precious moments of gentleness that don't come very often.

As aforementioned, Xiao has little to no sense of empathy nor guilt when it comes to obtaining the things he desires. What he does feel is wanting you to be happy... because it makes him feel good inside. In a way, you could say his love is incredibly selfish, because it's entirely about his happiness when it comes down to it. Normally, seeing you happy makes him happy, so your imperatives line up. And he's willing to maybe change some things to make you happier -- ok, fine, sure, he won't torture them to death, he'll just kill them. But he has limits to how much he'll compromise for you. Ultimately, when your imperatives don't align with his, he won't even consider yours for a mere moment. His brain just can't really consider anything but acting for his own desires. When he gets mad at people for hurting you, it's because it's an insult to him. It's part of why he's one that will settle for having you - ultimately, what he wants matters more than your happiness... but that's because he wants you, and loves you so, so much, you know? Don't think it's not love, though. It's incredibly selfish, self-serving, and inconsiderate, but it's hard to say it's not love.

Somewhat relating to the above, he realizes pretty quickly you're likely afraid of him, especially after what you've undoubtedly witnessed by that point. He doesn't want that, really. He wants a healthy level of fear, just enough to avoid running away, but he doesn't like seeing you cry and tremble because you're so afraid of his brutality. He doesn't help, though, because he thinks you fear death, and death alone, and in his lack of understanding, he will go through a very specific list of exactly what he will do, which frankly would only serve to make things worse.

"It's alright... I won't kill you, you know. You're foolish if you don't understand the difference... They only died because they wanted to take you away from me. You're the reason they died, so, I wouldn't kill you... I've already decided what to do at certain points. If you try to run away once or twice, I'll just break your legs, and if you try a third time, I can just take your legs off. That should prevent any further attempts, so I have no reason to kill you. So you shouldn't be so upset... don't look so afraid all the time. What? No, I don't mean your whole legs... just at the feet. Why are you still crying? I can just take off one if it's that upsetting... It's only if you run away."

You should probably know that he doesn't make empty promises, either.

General perverseness: how sexual of a person are they? What’s their drive like? How touchy do they get? Do they have any reservations about sexuality?

Boy has no idea what to do. He's only ever jerked off and always feels disgusted when he does, he only has anatomical knowledge of female bodies from medical diagrams he's seen once or twice.  Not that he'll tell you that. But you'll know, I mean, once he forces your legs open he's just staring in both awe and confusion, probably just sits there for a moment slightly flustered because?? Where's he supposed to put it in?? How does he do this? He'll figure it out, but it might take a few rough thrusts of him just rutting against you.

Drive goes from non existent to highish, he's got what you call a reactive sexuality. Really, he used to just jerk off only to relieve the buildup, because he found it gross whenever it would happen in his sleep. Reactive sexualities are when a person doesn't have a super high drive on their own, but will react to stimuli from persons or sights around them, and will get significantly higher when around someone they love. Before, he never had anything to react to, so he rarely got horny, but now? He has you. And you... Trigger some reactions.

And that being said, he's so unfamiliar with horniness and sex that it's constantly an exploration process for him too. He'll spend some time just... learning. Touching here and there, figuring out what makes your breath hitch and toes curl. It's a fascinating thing to him, really.

He doesn't talk about it much, nor during, he just kind of... acts. You don't get much of a verbal warning, he'll just kind of pick you up and move you around to however he wants.

Pretty decently sized, but isn't aware of it. He hasn't had the opportunity to be around too many other people to know. If you try to tell him it's too big for you, he'll just be incredibly confused, isn't your body literally made to be able to do this? He's actually not going to get particularly smug or anything, he just sees it as an irritation that you're so reluctant and try to fight because of it, but he does like watching you convulse and squirm once he's already in you.

He's actually not that much of a sadist, so much as he likes power. Pain is par for the course, it's a part of every aspect of life and he's essentially desensitized to it. But power and control, now that does something for him.

How forceful are they? Do they care about your willingness?

Not particularly concerned with it. Once again, he's decided to utilize what he knows to maximize your acceptance and love. He knows that orgasms release a bunch of feel-good chemicals, that they cause bonding, that they make you more complacent, and, for the sake of submission, that it'll humiliate you and make you unable to really defy him, as he can hold it over your head, and with time you'll accept him. Over time, he knows, you'll come to crave any physical touch you can get. And while he's more than willing to hold you and sleep curled up with you, he'd be lying if he said this wasn't his favorite and preferred form of physical affection.

Besides, he's been fighting off the urges for forever at this point, he's not going to wait around. Pretty much will be ready to do it as soon as you wake up, and you'll probably already be bound up and lacking any clothes by the time you do. He's not very hesitant. It's yet another case of wanting what he wants and getting what he wants. He's one that will bound you up pretty heavily, hands tied above your head, legs pulled back and tied to the headboard, so it's not like you can do much against it anyway. He understands your hesitancy, be it out of anger or fear, but he's also hard and fast enough that you can't really form a lot of words, so it's not too discouraging.

What sort of kinks or fetishes do they have, or would they fill?

He's not really familiar with any at first, and he has to experiment around. You would think normally an inexperienced boy would want the female to take the lead, but noooo, he's way too proud for that.

Oral fixation

The most shameful one to him. It's disgusting, he thinks, it's unnatural, it goes against the very purpose of sex to procreate, but he knows it exists, he's heard of how it goes and God when you talk and smile he desperately wants to see your mouth wrapped around his dick. When you're laying under him he just has an uncontrollable urge to just buy his face between your legs and lick at everything he can, and eventually he'll cave to both of those urges. The latter will be very unprompted and unanticipated, probably you're not even getting it on at the moment - something like you're sleeping, you're just laying there, your legs open a bit and he just rips off whatever you have on and stuffs his head between your legs - he's not skilled by any means, but works with such an intensity and speed that you'll cum on his face anyway.

If he's mad, he can get rough with the former. Hearing you gag and choke, watching the tears run down your face helps satisfy his anger quite a bit. Unfortunately for you, he can last quite a while, and will grab your hair and force your face down, or really, he's one to lay you on the edge of a bed on your back and really fuck your throat out. And he won't let you spit it out either -- he'll hold your mouth shut with his hands and force you to swallow every little bit.

Finger-fucking

He was once told the trick of putting your fingers inside and curling them, and that's an easy instruction to follow. He'll try it out, and once he watches how it makes you gasp and whimper, he'll get addicted to it, moving his fingers harsh and fast. He likes it because he's not too distracted by his own physical sensations, other than the throbbing hard-on, and can really take in your faces, noises, and really watch you come undone. As an added bonus, he's definitely not going to just leave it at that, no, and he discovers very quickly you're particularly sensitive immediately after one orgasm, reacting with extra loud squeals and harsh clenching when he presses against your extremely sensitive insides. And he likes that quite a bit.

D/S dynamic / bondage

It helps him restore his damaged pride from his embarrassment over the fact that he even has sexual urges in the first place. He deserves to be worshipped, he deserves to have you on your knees in front of him. In particular, he loves to give you commands, see you follow through with them. It's empowering. It's reassuring. Probably the type to want to be called master. He feels its appropriate. And he'd definitely be one to make it an all-the-time, 24/7 sort of dynamic too. He can be gentle about it, too, and will reward you for being well-behaved. The dynamic, the rewards, the praise, all makes you all the more slowly, but surely, succumbing to him, giving in, and finally accepting him.

Tying you up prevents you from moving around too much, and that's the initial reason for it, but he realizes very very quickly that something about seeing you that way is very, very pleasing to him. It gives him a sense of power and control in addition to what he already has established. It also helps alleviate a bit of his nervousness surrounding the whole thing. When you're all tied up, probably blindfolded too, he can just run his hands up and down, stare at your body, figure out what's where and see everything without you squirming around.

Masturbation instruction/voyeurism

Something about just watching you touch yourself drives him up the wall with horniness. It also helps give him an idea of what the fuck he’s supposed to do (again, not that he’ll tell you that). But more importantly, it’s yet another control thing. He won’t just let you go at it, no, he’ll be very specific with his instructions, and expects you to follow them perfectly. He’ll make you edge yourself and even overstimulate yourself, demanding you keep going even after you cum, and even if you can’t, he’ll just swat your hand aside and do it himself.

How do they feel about pregnancy or babies? Do they want them?

He's... Not sure if it's even possible? If so, the whole idea makes him feel a bit odd. Small little beings, ones that look like him, ones that share his blood? The whole concept is so strange. He'd probably want to find out if such a thing is even possible, considering your differences, but he would likely be somewhat opposed to it, as it feels weird to him. He would become more accustomed to the idea with time, though. And one thing he neglects to remember, even if he knows, is that you have to pull out to avoid that, and he definitely doesn't.

What kind of (nsfw) punishments would they use?

Overstimulation is a go-to, as is forced orgasms. Tying back to his finger-fucking tendencies, he learns how sensitive orgasms make you, and how torturous it can be. Even if he can't keep going, after he fucks you a few times, he can still go with his mouth, fingers, over and over and over again, until you're sobbing and begging from the overstimulation. He thinks there's something weirdly beautiful about how something can bring you so much pleasure and pain, be so good yet so unbearable. Seeing you cry while you convulse, hiss from the pain when you're so sensitive that even the lightest touches are painful. Just watching it gives him an electrifying feeling. As a bonus, it will just make you more bonded, the overload of the positive chemicals in your body will bind you to the very person inflicting such a torture on your body. How ironic.

He'd be one for impact pain too, potentially with his hands, but he's one that's more likely to invest in something like a riding crop, or just a belt. He likes the fear of it, too, seeing how you wince and whimper just by hearing it crack before he even does anything to you.

What body parts of their darling do they like the most?

Hips and thighs. He likes grabbing, pulling you back onto him. Running his hands over them. He likes that when he's rough enough, his hands leave bruises on them. It's really pretty to him, and just an ever so blatant reminder of your place... to him, and, he knows, to you.

[kassandras-one-braincell]

Abby Anderson x GN!Reader - Please Don’t Leave Me

Bad Things Happen Bingo prompt: Please Don’t Leave Me (I’m creative with my titles)

Can be found on AO3 here.

Setting: before Abby leaves to go golfing. Abby and the reader are in an established relationship.

Warning: angst angst angst, excessive usage of the f-bomb and discussions of murder.

(Y/N) replacer safe.

Word count: 1846

Fuck, she’s really doing this.

Every day since Isaac had granted the Salt Lake Crew leave to hunt down Joel Miller, you tried to bargain with Abby, tried to make her see some sense. That killing him won’t take away any of the pain she feels. The grief. The gaping hole in her heart. But she’d always brush you off, distancing herself from you, suppressing her emotions with bicep curls and crunches as per habit.

Each passing hour, a nail was hammered into the coffin of the woman you love. And this morning is the final nail.

The quaint apartment you call home is filled with a cacophony of rustling and pleas as Abby shovels supplies into her backpack, preparing for her hunt. In her mind, Joel’s death warrant is signed, the execution nigh. And God are you desperate, trying to drill some semblance of reality into her stubborn mind one last time before she embarks on a journey she’ll only regret.

“Abby, please just listen to me for one minute—”

“I need to do this.” She heads to your small shared closet, refusing to look at you from your position by the bed. You frantically try to intercept her path, knowing full well she’s much, much stronger and can reposition you with ease. But it’s worth a try.

“This isn’t going to solve anything,” you implore, clutching the wood.

“Move, (Y/N).”

“Abby, this isn’t going to bring him back. You know that.”

“Move.” Her tone is exasperated, utterly focused on packing her shit and promptly leaving. Your heart sinks to your stomach.

“That girl in the hospital. The immune one. She must have been like a daughter to him for Joel to kill a group of innocent people for her,” you plead, feet firmly planted on the floor. Searching for her eyes, those blue irises alight with a maelstrom of hateful determination. They meet yours. “Killing him will just put her through all of this.”

Abby reaches for the closet door and slowly pulls it open, acknowledging your reluctance to move, deciding to disregard it. The wood begins to dig into your back and you’re forced to step aside. “This isn’t going to end, Abby. You fucking know this.” As she folds some spare clothes and places them in her backpack, you fall gracelessly to the bed, needing to sit down. Bile climbs up your oesophagus. Shit, where was her sense of fucking empathy?

“Abby…” Once again, she doesn’t so much as spare you a glance, folding the garments in robotic fashion. “Abby, you said she was a kid. A kid.”

The final shirt is stuffed haphazardly into the bag. She grits her teeth and turns to you. “He killed dozens of Fireflies, (Y/N). Dozens. And that’s all we fucking know of. There could be hundreds of others because he’s a stone cold killer.” Her face flushes with anger, no remnants of the woman you know left behind. “No one person is worth that many fucking lives.”

You let out a breathy laugh in sheer disbelief. “But it’s not about them, is it? Not to you.” The words escaped you in a hiss, one that didn’t go unnoticed. “Never fuckin’ has been.”

Abby rolls her eyes and grabs her maps from the coffee table, iron fist crumpling the papers beyond legibility. “There could have been a cure. A fucking cure to all this.”

On the surface, her words are rational. One life for a cure that would save millions was a worthy sacrifice, that you would be foolish to deny. But the odds of developing this cure were slim, and the girl would have likely died in vain. You knew this. Abby knew this. Jerry knew this.

With a shaky breath, you cradle your arms, never before having felt the urge to cage yourself around Abby. Fingers firmly gripping at your elbows, you let the cards fold. Unadulterated truth.

“You’re in denial, Abigail.”

A tut. “Don’t you fucking ‘Abigail’ me.” Her previous efforts to maintain a steady tone have been vanquished, anger seeping into each progressing word.

She’s gone.

And it’s this precise revelation that fills your eyes with oceans. Throat closing up, nose burning with the urge to spill over, you attempt – attempt – to articulate yourself, to no avail. Seconds later, rivulets trickle from your eyes to your cheeks, and you find yourself sniffling like some stupid kid… No, not a kid. A grieving adult, bereaved by the loss of a lover. Because the other figure in the room is but a husk of the radiant soul you fell for.

“All…” You pause to inhale, deeply: a futile effort to regulate your breathing, to lay rest to the turmoil suffocating your ability to fucking think. “All that’s going to happen is… You’re going to have to—” Hiccupping, you close your eyes, praying no more tears would fall. “To live with the guilt of orphaning a kid.”

Sentence finally out, you surrender to your sorrows, allowing them to wrack your chest with sobs and heaves until it gets too much, salt freely spilling from the floodgates. You can’t…you won’t bring yourself to look at Abby – the machine in her place, one programmed to kill and kill alone.

It’s wholly terrifying.

Distress flickers in her eyes, her frown slackening for a fraction of a second at the sound of your despair. “No one is forcing you to come,” she puts plainly, as if that has anything to do with the issue at hand.

“You know this – isn’t about that. Fuck, even Owen knows this…this is a bad idea.” Too dejected to cry. Too dejected to battle the hitched breaths you take trying to force out the words.

Words that fall upon deaf ears. “That’s not what Owen told me.” She slots a Swiss army knife into her cargo pants’ pocket, headed with a canteen in hand towards the kitchenette. “He was there, (Y/N). He agreed that Joel needs to die.”

“Because he’s fucking scared of you!” We all are, nearly breaks free from your lips, but that’s not what Abby needs to hear right now. Nothing that will push her away. Further away. The reigns you have on your lover are fraying, leaving you grasping at nought but strings. Frenzied, you attempt a softer, less concrete approach. “Baby, it isn’t normal to be so…hellbent on revenge like this.”

Silence. The delicate trickle of water sounds from the faucet as Abby fills her canteen. Then, a sigh, one of frustration as opposed to defeat. “If you think calling me ‘baby’ is going to erase four motherfucking years of grief, you are sorely mistaken. You’re smarter than that.”

Patience thinning, you stand up, wading through strewn supplies across the apartment floor towards the kitchenette. “Four years and you still haven’t given yourself time to mourn properly,” you reason, deliberately obstructing her path out of the kitchen with your body again. “Maybe if you had you’d see some fucking sense.”

God, that was a mistake. Shit, shit, shit shit shit the last thing you want to do is piss her off, not with her mind in such a volatile state, devoid of all logic.

“I appreciate you’ve lived a fucking sheltered life since the outbreak,” she seethed. What?

“That’s not true—”

“And you have no fucking idea what it’s like to have someone ripped away from you like that.” Volume rising, words a mantra fuelled by detest. “And you know, maybe, just fucking maybe, this’ll be my one chance to put an end to this shit!” The fist not clutching her backpack clenches. And for the first time ever while alone in her company, you flinch.

“He fucking deserves this, (Y/N)! If I can show him a fraction of the pain he caused me—”

“Abby, you’re scaring me,” you whimper, closing in on yourself. Genuinely afraid she’d raise her hand towards you.

Had you a mirror, you’d know truly how perturbed you look in this very moment. Streamlines drying on your cheeks, eyes reddening and puffy from crying, wide with fear like a doe face-to-face with a moving car. Body subconsciously making itself smaller, reducing its surface area, reducing the likelihood for any incoming swings to hit.

She lowers her guard, colour returning to her knuckles as she unravelled her fist. Knitted brows returning to their natural place above her eyes, mouth parted as the horror of her behaviour settles in.

“You know I would never hurt you, right?” Even her previously stern voice cracks at this.

It takes tremendous willpower to not fall back as she takes a tentative step towards you.

Drying your eyes with your sleeves – her sleeves…you forgot you’re wearing her old sweater, the notion sour on your tongue – you break your mutual gaze. “You’re not you right now,” you whisper, not trusting your larynx to produce anything above a mouse’s squeak. “This isn’t the Abby I know.”

For the first time this morning, a sentiment other than bloodlust registers in her face. Hurt.

Either unable or unwilling to respond, Abby recommences her packing in solemn silence.

Shit, you have three, perchance five minutes at best to dissuade your girlfriend from leaving and doing something that will haunt her for all eternity. Yet all you can do is brace yourself against the wall and allow a second tsunami of tears to wash over you, pangs of anguish striking your heart. “Abby—”

“I’m going, (Y/N).” Firm, with a shred less conviction, but firm enough.

A violent sob tears through you as you beg, beg, the vessel of the woman you adore, “Please don’t leave me.”

For a fleeting moment, your heart stops as she hesitates in her tracks. A flicker of hope seizes your mind, that perhaps she has reconsidered, that finally some logic has entered her train of thought.

It all crashes down when she reaches for the spare rifle ammunition by the front door.

“Fuck, Abby—”

“I’ll be gone a month at most.”

Hail-Mary.

Hail-Mary.

Please.

Chest shuddering with each sob that wracks through you, you utter through violently trembling lips and hiccups, “You’re so – fucking blinded – by your hatred – right now – that you can’t – fuck, see – this will – kill you—”

The gravity of the situation threatens to make your knees buckle.

Abby plucks her jacket from the coat hanger and wades over to your crippled stance by the kitchen. A hand brushes your salt-slicked cheek as a lock of hair is swept out of your line of sight. “I love you,” she whispers in pained honesty.

“Abby…” You try to take her hand, to ground her, to remind her of the life she’s leaving behind on her relentless pursuit of this warped sense of justice.

“Goodbye, (Y/N).” She squeezes your palm and lets go, zipping up her pack as the front door to the apartment creaks open and slams shut.

Death is a word that isn’t used lightly, especially not after an epidemic takes the world by storm. But part of your spirit certainly died the moment that door closed behind her.

(I’ll leave it up to you whether she has a change of heart or leaves and scores a few hits above par.)

[cesiousblue]

This reads like a cool rational point of view, but it's a dangerous idea that art cannot change you as a person. Ideas like this encourage willful anti-intellectualism.

"a better person" is also a pretty loaded phrase. I think you're defining "better" as morally better?

Not all art has a lesson to tell and I don't think it needs to, but different art is good at teaching different things.

As far as I know, Tolkien wasn't trying to teach anyone about racism with Lord of the Rings. He wrote it with inbuilt biases. What he was doing was writing a book about a man experiencing trauma and coming home again changed, because that was his experience of going to war and returning home. Whether that was an intentional lesson from him or not, through reading and engaging with Lord of the Rings, you are gaining an empathetic understanding of that feeling. This might have an effect or your attitude towards things like trauma and war.

Art, more than anything, is a way to engage with the experiences of others. It is an empathy generator.

Look at the idea of Inoculation Theory - the idea is that when given a weak argument, people tend to double down on already held beliefs. So when wanting to change the ideas of others, it is best to either offer strong engaging information to change the belief OR offer information earlier that gives them the tools to combat the belief when it is presented to them the first time.

so, for example: it is easier to give someone information about how trans women are normal people just struggling like the rest of us BEFORE they have latched onto transphobic beliefs. Afterwards, they need consistent and strong arguments to change that belief.

Art is good at both of those things, but especially the confronting people with a diverse variety of ideas. This is why representation in media is such an huge issue. This is why books get banned. Because if you remove the art and experiences of a group of people, its easier to dehumanize them or create false narratives. Racist parents want books about black people removed from schools because they don't want their children to encounter the history and perspectives of black people in a way that promotes empathy and understanding.

On a basic level, that empathy and resonance is what people are gaining from art. I would argue that a person with more empathy is a morally better person.

(Art can also unlock vocabulary that effects change- see: a child reading about sexual abuse finally being able to put words to their experiences to another adult. or what i experienced as a teen: growing up in a very conservative area, reading a book that included a bi character, and realizing that was me)

I agree that being taught critical thinking skills can be an important addition to this- people that know about logical fallacies are less likely to fall for them, and being able to analyze literature and art can give you insight that you might not otherwise receive.

Reading theory and analysis can change the way you look at the world and your moral attitude towards those around you. It can expose you to entirely new systems of belief that you had never considered before, and that's valuable. But those transformative ideas can also grow naturally from the consumption of art that is engaging with those same ideas.

I think what you may have been trying to say in your post was essentially 'being able to analyze the racist content of Lord of the Rings doesn't make me a better person than someone who can't' but I think you're simplifying this idea too much and tossing aside the idea that art can be transformative even without a critical reading.

one thing i will say is that consuming art cannot make you a better person. it can only make you more interesting at parties

[redbone135]

So, this year I’ve been volunteering as crowd control during Bible Club at church Friday nights (for kids K to 6th)… and let me tell you, Red. I don’t know HOW you dealt with kids for 8 HOURS a day, 5 DAYS a week for years of your life. I mean I always respected you from the get-go but now?? After having to spend two hours with rowdy sometimes very naughty and rude little kids, I have a new found bigger respect for you being a teacher. Kudos to all of you. But especially you. You literally and seriously deserve an MVP award for what you had to put up with.

And also… Kids made me nervous before but… helping with Bible Club kinda makes me not like other people’s kids very much. Does that make me a terrible person for admitting this?🙈

And one more thing: do you have any tips for when they get rather disrespectful and start trying to shove the adults (meaning me) off the stage?

Aw, thanks! Crowd control is one of the hardest parts of teaching. At least, for me it was. It helps that I've always had a way with kids, even since I was one: my mom would get calls from school that were like, "your kid is giving lectures to the other kids at recess about some book he read... no we're not mad, we just wanted to request that he bring a different book tomorrow?" If being around kids isn't your comfort zone, they sense it like sharks smell blood and try to test their boundaries, not really to be rude but because kids are curious and they like finding where those boundaries are. Boundary testing is part of how they learn about our world.

And no, lots of people don't like kids, that's super normal. Kids are wildly unpredictable, not very rational, and incredibly self-centered - those aren't insults, it's just where their brains are in the development stage. The weird part is you thinking that it's "other people's" kids that are like that and not just kids in general. Your kids will be like that too, Abby, that's just how kids are. :)

Um, tips: consistency is key. Never make a promise or threat you can't keep, because you lose authority quick when you do that. Also, routine, kids need it. If they have a set routine with enforced expectations it leaves less time for getting in trouble or being off task.

It's hard to give specifics cause so much of authority and discipline is relationship and routine based, so it really does depend on how you feel about the kid and how they feel about you and what expectations are already set out for them. If it were me, we'd start with a talk about it not being okay to touch other people's bodies without permission - shoving is an extension of that. Walk the kid through some basic empathy - it doesn't come naturally at that age - about how they wouldn't like to be touched without permission and so they should treat the adults the same way. (Kids don't see adults as people like themselves, we are a very different category in their brain and so it sometimes needs explaining that we have the same emotions as them). Then, if that doesn't work, in my classroom, that kid would have lost stage privileges. Until I can trust them up high, they have to participate from the foot of the stage where no one is in danger of being shoved off.

But if you're just helping out, your best bet might be to go to the adult in charge and ask how they want you to handle it. Most of the time it's their classroom/space and they'd rather handle it in a way that is consistent with the rules and consequences they already have in place.

[shihalyfie]

Shiramine Nokia, and her role in Cyber Sleuth’s narrative

This one’s on request! Cyber Sleuth is quite the interesting game and a rather landmark entry in the franchise, mainly for being a love letter to the franchise and its long history itself, and for being the franchise’s very first work exclusively aimed at adults, meaning that it can explore different topics that wouldn’t normally be Sunday morning timeslot material, while also being a little more willing to assume that the people playing this are familiar with a lot of older parts of the franchise (not that it’s advisable to have complete lockout, but the game benefits greatly by not needing to assume lockout by default).

One of the ways Cyber Sleuth exhibits its “franchise love letter” status is by starting off the game all the way back at the franchise’s roots, before Digimon Adventure changed the game and everyone’s perception of Digimon and Digimon partnership, when the V-Pet lore was intertwined with Digimon as elements of hard sci-fi. As the game proceeds, the atmosphere slowly starts to resemble the more fantasy-like version of the franchise established by Digimon Adventure and its follower entries -- and that change is represented in none other than Nokia herself.

Before we begin: As anyone who follows my meta work has probably noticed, I generally prefer to have my analyses use tons of references and screenshots so that it’s easy to follow and the evidence is concrete, but Cyber Sleuth is a game, and it’s much harder to get those things without replaying the entire game, so I hope this won’t be too hard to follow despite being mostly text.

Nokia’s background and personality

If we want to apply the producer’s statements on Twitter, Nokia is 17 years old at the time of Cyber Sleuth, and has a backstory of having originally been a shy, bullied child who broke out of her shell thanks to the influence of her cousin (who, of all people, happens to be none other than Date Makiko). The flashback we get with Nokia in chapter 18, however, portrays her as just a fairly cheerful, go-getter child, but (although we only get to see her hair) she’s not quite as “flashy” or in-your-face as the description entails.

A possible hypothesis for rationalizing this all together comes from a what we learn about the process of memory wiping in Cyber Sleuth chapter 14: even if memories are extracted from the person, there’s some kind of residual memory left behind (the producer’s above statement also states that the same thing had even happened to Suedou). In Hacker’s Memory chapter 16, Arata confesses to Ryuji that the first Under Zero incident and Jude's loss to the Knightmon had re-triggered his trauma from having lost Yuugo years prior -- “not the memory, but the feeling.” So in other words, there was some feeling of loss that came after the loss of Yuugo that impacted those involved -- and it’s very possible that this deeply impacted and traumatized Nokia as well.

Assuming we’re still following this line of thought (since, again, this background point wasn’t actually in the game proper), Nokia eventually decided to break out of her shell thanks to Makiko’s influence, and become eccentric and assertive, and thus, the game begins.

While we’re here, I also want to point out that Nokia is also voiced by Han Megumi, possibly the Digimon franchise’s most notorious “promoted fangirl” who freaked out after getting to meet her childhood characters’ voice actors while cast as Airu in the Xros Wars crossover and ended up casted in a handful of major Digimon roles thereafter as a result. Which is not to say that her voice performance wasn’t also absolutely perfect for the bright and aggressive Nokia, but, you know...considering the below analysis, food for thought.

Nokia as a representative of “the conventional franchise”

Cyber Sleuth opens on a world where Digimon are largely seen as hacker programs, and even the hackers themselves only see them as non-sentient programs; there are ones like Chitose who treat them with empathy, but his attitude seems to be kindness towards them in a way not entirely unlike a family would treat a Roomba. Although he doesn’t admit to it at first, Arata himself also comes from this “world” of hackers, and we later learn that Yuuko herself is as well (via her “Yuugo” persona), meaning that, other than the playable protagonist, Nokia is the only “outside-context” person -- a completely ordinary civilian who’s gotten dragged into all of this.

Much like, say, the protagonists of Digimon Adventure.

With this background behind her, once she’s thrown into the world of hackers, she immediately has a “fateful encounter” with Agumon and Gabumon, instantly recognizable as two of the franchise’s most prominent Digimon (and complete with their Adventure voice actors, too). And I do especially bring up Adventure specifically, because while Nokia’s position in the game does end up taking in certain elements that roughly came around that era and possibly slightly predated it (mostly Digimon World and V-Tamer), Agumon and Gabumon weren’t particular mascots of the franchise until Adventure basically blew everything to pieces.

Right off the bat, Nokia does not have a single shred of doubt that Agumon and Gabumon are living beings and should be treated as such (again, much like the protagonists of Digimon Adventure; even Taichi in his “is this a game?” mode never doubted this). And they open up their meeting with this conversation:

Agumon: Umm, who are you? Nokia: It... It can talk?! It's so... so... so adoooooorable! M-M-M-M-My name's Nokia. What're your names? Agumon: Me? My name is Agumon! Gabumon: I... I'm Gabumon. Nokia: Agumon and Gabumon? Hee hee! What weird names! Gabumon: Hey, they're not weird! Agumon: You're the one with the weird name! Nokia: As if! My name's not weird! Hee hee!

And on top of that, Agumon refers to Nokia as having a “familiar” scent. Remember this for later.

Nokia’s second encounter with Agumon and Gabumon in Cyber Sleuth chapter 3 involves her properly partnering herself with Agumon and Gabumon, and learning about the existence of the “Digital World”. Note that, for all intents and purposes, EDEN had been treated like the functional equivalent of the Digital World in this narrative up until this point -- cyberspace with hackers, coming from the network, it’s basically a “digital world” from top to bottom, and yet here Agumon and Gabumon are introducing the concept of a more fantasy-esque incarnation of a digital world. (And, in fact, despite EDEN being right there, many long-time Digimon fans playing this game often complained about how little you get to see the “Digital World” in this game, because of how associated that term is with something more fantasy-like.) So, again: here we have Nokia, who’s forming a partnership with Agumon and Gabumon as equals instead of recruiting them as hacker tools (even the protagonist wasn’t immune to this method), and being indirectly responsible for introducing the more fantasy-like concept of the Digital World that the modern franchise is currently associated with.

Nokia embarks on the conventional shounen anime character arc of starting off cowardly, but eventually learning to have her own inner strength, with her Digimon evolving in accordance to her emotions. And, eventually, in Cyber Sleuth chapter 8, she decides to form her own hacker team, called the “Rebels”. She ostensibly bases it off the old creed of Jude, having heard that they were a team that never caused trouble for others, but we later learn via Arata turning out to have been its former leader, and the even later portrayal in Hacker’s Memory of its spiritual successor Hudie, that this is an extremely rose-colored image of them -- Jude (and Hudie) was not a well-intentioned team by any means, but rather a sort of mercenary group meant to enforce the “freedom” of EDEN, often taking on shady jobs and “punishing” entities they considered to be causing chaos. But in this case, Nokia forms her team under the idea of legitimately fighting for justice and good will -- again, much like a Digimon Adventure protagonist.

In case the metaphor weren’t clear enough, Nokia decides that the members of her group will not be called “hackers”, but “Tamers” -- the same lingo used by the franchise to refer to a human who partners alongside a Digimon to help them get stronger -- and that she wants to promote the idea of humans and Digimon working in tandem (complete with emotional bonding exercises). For this, everyone looks at her weird, and yet her methodology, initially naive as it seems, keeps working, because Nokia’s natural charisma starts bringing people from different places together and making quite the formidable team. Everyone is perplexed by this, but perhaps it’s only natural, because Nokia has just independently invented the modern concept of Digimon partnership in a world where it did not exist. And this is eventually solidified by the Under Zero invasion in Cyber Sleuth chapter 10, in which Omegamon is finally formed (from sheer guts on her part).

Omegamon is yet another symbol of the modern franchise, but it’s important to remember that he hasn’t always been so; even his appearance in V-Tamer was as more of a tactical piece than any kind of game-breaker, but the impact of Our War Game! has led him to constantly make a resurgence in major franchise roles (maybe a little too much these days). However, on top of Nokia basically embodying the modern franchise itself by doing this, Nokia and Arata’s positions are an obvious reference to Our War Game! in particular, being Omegamon and Diablomon Tamers -- but they’re not seen directly fighting each other. In fact, Arata’s partner only ever reaches Diablomon when he’s at the highest point of his morality, so the reference is more ideological; Nokia represents the more idealistic and heroic side of Digimon, whereas Arata represents the more dirty-playing and cynical hard sci-fi side of it (remember that Diablomon himself was rather detached from the fantasy conflict of Adventure, being a mysterious entity that sprouted out of nowhere on the Internet and wreaked havoc). Moreover, Nokia’s usage of Omegamon embodies a theme that’s central to both Our War Game! and Cyber Sleuth itself as a whole -- while most people associate Omegamon with Taichi and Yamato these days, the original method of formation back in Our War Game! came from “bringing people from different places together”. Nokia managed to bring together a formidable army in a place where everyone else in the hacker world was trying to promote a dog-eat-dog philosophy, and the sense of cooperation is arguably making her stronger than anyone else.

(I should also point out that Nokia’s name is, obviously, a reference to the Finnish telephone communications company, and this has a lot of relevance to the game’s theme of connection, along with her phone Digivice...and, also, the method used to bring everyone’s powers together in Our War Game!’s spiritual successor, Diablomon Strikes Back. Feels a bit too on-the-nose here.)

In the second half of the game, when the world starts falling apart due to the Digital World portal opening, Nokia becomes one of most important people holding everything together as Arata goes off the deep end and Yuuko starts fixating on her own personal problems and revenge -- because she’s the one most in tune with treating Digimon as the living beings they are, she’s most active in advocating for them and helping them bond with humans, and and she’s the one making the chaos be a little less chaotic. The second half is basically the more fantasy-esque version of Digimon leaking into the sci-fi, with the sidequests progressively resembling your average Digimon anime monster-of-the-week episode, and holding that all together is Nokia, who becomes a vital figure in maintaining that fellowship by being in tune with the modern franchise’s philosophy.

Through all of this, Nokia ends up taking a role rather similar to a Digimon protagonist, which is highlighted very strongly in Cyber Sleuth chapter 18 when she ends up literally becoming the player character while the main protagonist is out of commission. During that time, Yuuko and Nokia learn the truth of what happened during the EDEN incident eight years prior -- and we also learn that the five children involved had an extremely conventional “first meeting in the Digital World” experience that could have been pulled right out of the first episode of a Digimon anime, with them having a lovely adventure meeting new creatures. And at the center of that “first contact” was none other than Nokia, Agumon, and Gabumon themselves:

Agumon: Um... who are you? Nokia: Ahem! I am Nokia! And just who are you? Agumon: Me? My name is Agumon! Gabumon: I... I'm Gabumon. Nokia: Agumon and Gabumon? Hee hee! What weird names! Gabumon: Hey, they're not weird! Agumon: You're the one with the weird name! Nokia: As if! My name's not weird! Hee hee!

Nokia, Agumon, and Gabumon’s meeting at the beginning of the game had been an (accidental) reenactment of their first meeting in the Digital World eight years prior -- and, in the flashback, Nokia invites them to go on an “adventure” with them. So in other words, Nokia getting involved in the hacker conflict at the beginning of the game was, unknown to all of them, her attempting to restore that beauty and idealism of the Digimon Adventure-esque philosophy and fun in a world where the Eaters had torn it away and EDEN had turned into a haven of cynicism and hacker battle royale.

In the end, the game’s conflict is only resolved by bringing everyone together; Arata has to be retrieved from the deep end, and Yuuko has to settle her deep-seated personal grievances. Everyone makes a promise to return together, in the sense of making things right and repairing the connections between them that had been cut in that incident. The final battle (momentarily) causes the playable protagonist to literally fall apart, and the one reaching out to them and sending her message to them at the end of the game is none other than Nokia herself -- again, in the absence of the game’s protagonist, Nokia is the one with the closest role, because in the face of the new world going forward, she was the one who contributed most to restoring its idealism.

Ultimately, all of this is especially because Cyber Sleuth works under one of the most terrifying imaginable premises for a fan of a kids’ franchise: “we made an entry for this, but for adults.” Many of us can testify that this kind of premise can go very well, or very badly -- the latter especially in the case of things that decide “taking the opportunity to do things that you can’t do on a Sunday morning kids’ timeslot” means “going out of your way to put edgy violence and sexy things and cynicism just because you can”, or, in other words, looking down condescendingly on its kids’ franchise roots with malice and deciding that something for adults means “more suffering” and not “issues that require more life experience to understand”. The reason the game ended up getting as much acclaim among longtime Digimon fans as it did was that despite being the franchise’s first venture into this territory, it did end up setting itself up as something that took that opportunity to do something new and unique that would have never made it into any of the prior entries (holy hell the doll quest) and yet never gave up on the idealism and themes of connection that make up the franchise at its core, and paid respect to everything that had contributed to all of that while it was at it.

And at the center of that is Shiramine Nokia, who is effectively the spirit of Digimon Adventure, condensed into a single character.

[celticcrossanon]

BRF Reading - 4th of August 2021

This is speculation only

Cards drawn 1st of August, 2021

Question: Will Harry and Meghan divorce?

I am revisiting this question to see if anything has changed.

I am putting this under a cut due to length.

Interpretation: yes

Card One: The Queen of Swords. This is an air sign person, particularly a Libra, or someone who is good at strategy (but not as good as the King of Swords). This is someone who is able to look at situations from a purely rational point of view, devoid of any emotions. It is someone who assesses the facts objectively, without compassion, empathy, or any concern for other people's feelings (some people will add those factors in later, but that is not the provence of the Queen of Swords). What will achieve the desired result is the primary focus. These people can be very determined and they have no hesitation in calling out people who cross them.

In this spread, this card represents an attitude towards divorce, and with Meghan appearing as the underlying energy (King of Wands), it shows Meghan's attitude towards divorce. For her, it is all about strategy. She will divorce Harry when she thinks that is the best move for her and her ambitions. This card can also reflect the attitude of the people opposing Meghan - they are being very strategic in how they approach the question of divorce (the Air suit can be about communication, so any discussion of divorce will be done very strategically).

Card Two: The Eight of Cups. This is a card about loss, leaving a situation, walking away from something (such as a marriage). Coming after the Queen of Swords, this card shows that the strategy is related to leaving a situation, such as a marriage. The card shows Psyche leaving everything behind her as she descends into the underworld. This says to me that one partner may have to leave everything behind as they walk away from the marriage - they will leave with the clothes on their back and very little else (what eventually gets divided in a divorce settlement is another question entirely, this card focuses on the act of leaving).

The card also suggests that leaving may be very painful for one partner - like Psyche descending into the Underworld, it will feel like a descent into death for them. It is also suggesting that there is a loss of some sort that is the reason for one partner walking away from the marriage. I am getting both Harry and Meghan energy from this card - Meghan will walk away if Harry suffers a loss that is unacceptable to her (e.g. he loses his titles), and Harry will walk away if some sort of loss occurs that is very painful to him and it almost drives him out of the marriage. I don't know which one will occur first, but the Harry energy is stronger, almost as if he will be the one who is leaving.

Card Three: The Three of Swords. This card is sometimes known as the divorce card, and by appearing in this spread it tells me that Harry and Meghan will divorce. The card shows Queen Clytemnestra and her lover killing her husband, King Agamemnon, and so shows the end of a marriage by violence. The general meaning of the card is that of heartbreak and grief.

Coming after the Eight of Cups, this says that one partner will walk away from the marriage (the Eight of Cups) and the result will be divorce, not a reconciliation. The divorce will be painful. It will cause hurt to both parties. The picture on the card suggests that the divorce will not be amicable, and instead one party (most likely the female, Meghan) will try to 'kill off' the other party (Harry) as part of the ending of the marriage. Swords are the suit of communication, thoughts, strategy, so I expect the 'killing off' to be in terms of gossip and damage to Harry's reputation, and not a literal death. As per the picture on the card, Meghan may have a lover who is involved in this 'killing off' with her.

Card Four: The Devil. The Devil is a card about giving in to your base nature, and/or about being addicted to sex/drugs/alcohol/gambling etc. It is the card of Capricorn and as the shadow side of Capricorn it represents a desire for money/luxury and social status at any cost (the ruthless social climber).

Coming after the divorce card (the Three of Wands), this says to me that what will be of concern in the divorce is money and social status - the ability to fund a lifestyle of addiction to drugs and alcohol. The 'killing' of one party's reputation via gossip is intended to get the other person a larger amount of money in the divorce, and to preserve their social status. This card can also indicate that many unsavoury details about sex, drugs, alcohol use etc will come out in the divorce. It can also indicate that one person is 'addicted' to the other person in the relationship and will find it difficult to 'come clean' and break away during the divorce.

This card can also show the state of the marriage that is broken by the divorce - a marriage fuelled by drugs/alcohol/sex, where one person is unhealthily dependent on the other or 'addicted' to them.

As a card of a ruthless social climber obsessed with money and status, this card can represent Meghan. If that is the case, then if the divorce is not on her terms or she does not initiate it, then I can see her trying to get Harry to return to her by playing on his addictions and appealing to his base nature.

Card Five: The King of Pentacles. This is the card of an earth sign person, particularity a Taurus. Normally this would stand for HMTQ, and coming after the Devil card it would show that HMTQ is the person Meghan (the Devil card) is going after for money and social status, i.e. she will try to destroy the reputation of HMTQ so she looks better after the divorce. While I am getting that energy from this card, I am also getting the energy of another man from it - Harry's replacement. The suit of Pentacles is about wealth, and the King of Pentacles is the richest of the court cards, so this is a wealthy man. Meghan will have a rich man lined up as a future partner before she divorces Harry, although she will still try to destroy Harry's reputation and take everything she can from him.

Card Six: The Knight of Pentacles. This is the card of an earth sign person, particularly a Virgo, and here it stands for Prince Harry, a sun sign Virgo. The King of Pentacles stands between the Devil card and the Knight of Pentacles, so HMTQ as the King of Pentacles will shield Harry to a certain extent from the behaviour of Meghan (the Devil card) and her accusations during the divorce. The demigod Pan on the Devil card looks towards the King of Pentacles, but the King of Pentacles looks straight ahead and ignores him, indicating that the shielding will come through HMTQ ignoring/not responding to Meghan's provocations (grey-rocking).

It is interesting that while the demigod Pan on the Devil card looks toward the King of Pentacles, the Knight of Pentacles look away from both of them and towards the next card, Death. The focus of the Knight of Pentacles, Harry, is not HMTQ or Meghan's behaviour, but the card Death.

Card Seven: Death. This is a card of physical death or a symbolic death, the end of a cycle. Here it represents a symbolic death, the end of a cycle in someone's life. Coming after the Knight of Pentacles, this is referring to a symbolic death and/or the end of a cycle in Harry's life. It could be the divorce, of course, as the end of his marriage, but it could also be the end of his lifestyle in California, or him missing Meghan in his life (if she initiates the divorce). Whatever it is, Harry is going to be focused on this loss and not the divorce and what accompanies it (example: the BRF will be doing everything they can to preserve his reputation, and Harry is going to be sitting there mourning the loss of freedom in his life compared to California - I'm not saying this is what will happen, but it will be something like that, with Harry focused on his loss/the 'death' of something and not on his divorce).

Underlying Energy One: The King of Wands. This is the card of a sun sign person, particularly a Leo, and here it stands for Meghan, a sun sign Leo. Meghan is going to be a major factor in this divorce and may even be the initiator of the divorce, which is a change from the last time I looked, when Harry was the one leaving.

Underlying Energy Two: The Seven of Pentacles. This is a card about tending your investments and making sure they flourish, which means abandoning those that no longer give the return you want. This is Meghan's attitude to divorce - she will hang on to Harry as long as it is profitable for her, and then she will discard him.

The card shows Daedalus being offered money to help Queen Pasiphae, the wife of his patron King Minos, betray her husband. The energy here is of a divided allegiance. This is coming through as Harry's mindset - he has swapped his allegiance from the BRF to Meghan, but he may be wanting both, as Daedalus is torn between supporting his patron or being paid to betray his patron by his wife.

Underlying Energy Three: The Six of Pentacles. This is a card about giving and/or receiving amounts of money. The card shows King Minos holding an amount of money, while Daedalus the craftsman sits at his feet with his hands raised in a begging attitude. This is going to be Meghan during and after the divorce. She will be figuratively begging for as much money as possible from whoever is on the throne.

Conclusion: Yes, Harry and Meghan will divorce. One partner will walk out of the marriage, possibly after a loss of some sort. The separation will be followed by a divorce, with one party (most likely Meghan) trying to kill the reputation of the other party using gossip about sex/drugs/alcohol/addictions in general and the associated behaviour.

The divorce will be messy/violent, not amicable. Meghan will fight for her social status (eg HRH) and as much money as she can get. Her main concerns in the divorce will be social status and money. Harry will be focused on what he sees as a loss or ending, and he will be shielded from the fallout of the divorce by HMTQ.

If Meghan initiates the divorce, she will do so because she has got everything she can from Harry and he is now a liability to her. She views divorce as a strategy to help her with her ambitions and she will approach it without thought for anyone except herself and her aims. She will have another rich man lined up as her partner before she lets go of Harry.

If Harry is the one that walks away, Meghan will try to get him to return to her by playing on his addictions (to her or to other things). This won't happen. Harry will leave if something happens that he sees as a loss. It will upset him so much that he will walk away from the marriage.

Note: This reading was a general overview of where the situation is right now. There is nothing really new here, it is more confirmation of what we have already suspected. I want to do some more readings on this topic to see if I can pin down who will be the one leaving and who will be left behind.