#like what is inspiring you to write these horrific things oh my god

[ierofangz]

the mcr fandom on ao3 is kind of insane because you’ll see the most beautiful piece of fiction you’ve ever laid your eye that’s longer than most books and will change your life and then you scroll down and it’s waycest feederism

[vanesycho]

would you ever consider writing horror/thriller with jaehyun 👀

I've never tried writing horror, but i hope it was something you wanted🥹🤍🤍

I really like the movie Scream so I got inspired by this <3

Warning:Violence, horror(?)

wc:1k

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“I missed you Y/n.” You smiled at what you heard from your boyfriend and leaned against the counter. "I missed you too, I want to see you again soon." You took a deep breath, he couldn't spare much time for you because of his work. "Don't worry my love, we will spend the whole day together tomorrow." You smiled slightly, distracted by the sound coming from the TV.

'The recent horrific events in the city have caused widespread coverage. Authorities have announced that a person has gained a reputation as an extremely dangerous and obsessive criminal. This person has caused several kidnappings and has caused great concern among the public. Police are warning that this person could be in the area at any time. Citizens are asked to lock their doors and windows tightly, be careful when they are alone at home, and report any suspicious situations to the authorities immediately. For your safety, please pay attention to these warnings and take the necessary precautions to protect yourself. We will share any new developments with you as they occur.'

You rolled your eyes and talked to yourself as you changed the channel. "This stupid news again, this is all I've seen for 2 weeks." A deep breathing sound came from the phone. "Be careful though Y/n, you're in the killer's place, I'm worried about you." Your hand went to the popcorn you had just prepared and you popped a few into your mouth. "Don't worry, this is nothing but nonsense, I'm sure they'll catch them soon. And never mind that, haven't you gotten home yet?"

"No, not yet." "I told you to take a taxi, why do you insist on walking?" There was no sound from your boyfriend. You frowned. “Hello?” After a while he spoke again "Yes I'm here, god someone just standing there in a weird outfit." You chuckled. "What? Are you scared? Don't worry, Halloween is coming up, everyone has already started getting ready." You sat on the couch and started looking for a movie to watch. "Hey babe, I have to hang up now, let me know when you get home okay?" There was no sound again. You rolled your eyes. "Look, don't make those jokes on me, okay? You know I don't like it." There was no sound again, the next thing that came was the sound of the phone closing.

You just stared at your phone screen, thinking there was no signal there, you called again but he didn't answer, you waited for a while, this time when you got a call from your boyfriend, you quickly answered it. "I think the signal went out-" The groaning sounds in pain behind didn't let you finish your sentence, you called out your boyfriend's name in a familiar voice. Another voice answered you, a strange, unfamiliar voice. “Hello Y/n.” It made you stand up quickly, you swallowed hard. “Look... If this is a joke, it’s not funny at all.”

The person on the other end of the phone laughed, "Oh honey, if you saw your boyfriend writhing in pain on the floor you wouldn't call this a joke." Your breathing quickened, your heart beating with fear as you started dialing the police number. "If you call the police, I will stab you until I take out all your guts." Your hand started shaking, you just stood there doing nothing, you brought the phone back to your ear, your voice came out shaky "W-what did you d-do to him?"

"Oh him? Don't worry I haven't done anything yet honey, but if you don't do what I say I don't think he'll live very long, right?" he brought the phone closer to your boyfriend, his groaning in pain caused tears to flow, the strange-voiced person who heard your cry laughed "Are you crying? And just now you were talking about how nonsense this is?"

"What the fuck do you want?" Your voice came out a little harsh despite your crying, you heard the other person hummed. "You." You swallowed hard. “What?” “You heard me, Y/n. No time to play dumb. Now answer my question, do you think your boyfriend would suffer more if I cut him in half or if I tore his limbs off?" Your tears started to flow faster, you covered your mouth with your hand to suppress your sound. "Please..." There was no answer, and after a while you threw the phone down in fear when you heard your boyfriend screaming in pain, even though the sound was still echoing in your ears. You didn't know what to do out of shock and fear, your whole body was shaking, you were frozen. "Answer me, Y/n. Do you think he's suffered enough? He still doesn't seem to have enough organs out, hm?"

"Fuck you! You're going to rot in hell you piece of shit!! You think you're going to get away with this?" He just laughed, you hated it when you heard his laugh, you hated everything, you couldn't do anything while your boyfriend was there in pain taking his last breaths. "Come on darling, don't cry. Now I have one more question for you." you stayed silent. “Do you think...I would enter from the back entrance of the house or from your open window in your room?” You opened your eyes in shock, felt your heart stop for a moment and quickly ran to the kitchen, took out a knife and held it tightly in your hand. "I'll be the one to cut out all your organs." a small laugh was heard, when you heard the sound of the hardwood floors, you took a few steps back, the steps echoed in the house. “How cute, a knife suits your hand Y/n. Oh, we would make great partners.” and another footstep "But don't worry, if you'll be a good girl I won't have to kill you and we can do this together. I'm sure you'll have fun."

A tiny scream escaped your mouth when the power went out in the house, with that your phone fell out of your hand, you looked around in fear. You froze in place when a man in a mask and black clothes entered your field of vision. “You see, Y/n.” When he took off the mask, you opened your mouth in surprise, the faint lines of his face visible under the moonlight made your heart race. "This is a two-player game and I'm about to win." That was the last thing you heard from your ex, Jaehyun.

[eyra]

oh my god i just read your post about pmdd (very sorry about that btw it seems like a very hard thing to go thru) but i just discovered youre 34 ?!?!????! i am genuinely shocked because i feel like your writing can connect with me on a SPIRITUAL LEVEL in a way that nothing else other than a fellow teenage girl can

but wow you are literally an inspiration and im not trying to make you feel elderly but jesus christ i love when adults have actually fun intrests that i can connect to LMAO sorry all the adults in my life are horrifically boring so i am very excited and feel very normal now !!! i recently turned 18 and it seems like everyone is trying to convince me that i need to give up all my childish intrests but like no !!! im just a girl and its okay

the thing about 34 year old women is that we too were teenage girls once 🤍

you don’t have to worry about this for years yet but it’s worth knowing now: you will spend your 20s being told by everyone and everything around you that you should shape yourself into something that the world finds easy to understand. you do not have to do this. you can literally do whatever you want. a lot of people don’t get this: you can LITERALLY do whatever you want. and the people who do their own thing and like what they like (even if no one else likes it) are always the most peaceful people.

you will also realise when you turn 30 that 30 isn’t old and that most of us still feel like an 18 year old girl inside. I hope I feel this way at 40 and 50 and 95. I hope I will always feel like just a girl. x

[cloudbells]

Fantasy racism is one of my least favorite things in fiction writing, ever. Because why do 90% of people attempting to tackle it do it so wrong and honestly their depiction makes me wonder about their real life views.

Like the biggest reason why real life racism is so evil and nonsensical is because the only inherent different among races is the pigment of someone's skin.

So when you, as a writer, attempt a racism allegory like "Oh this race of people were once VIOLENT and DESTRUCTIVE SAVAGES, but are now docile and there's no reason to fear them anymore 🥺" it really gets on my last nerve cause that's not the take away!

Imma bash Zootopia for a bit, okay. The predator class (literally predators God help me) are being given this drug that reduces them to their base instincts which is kill and eat the prey class in the movie. The prey class has very real and very valid and historical reasons to fear their literal natural predators. And the lesson is "You shouldn't discriminate against people different from you just because of what they were born as" but that's horrifically awful for a racism allegory because oppressed races in real life did NOTHING to justify the fear and ire of their oppressors!

I saw someone else say this, but a better example of fantasy racism would be in a cat world. Where all cats live in harmony except for black cats because they're seen as a bad omen and a sign of bad luck because they are born with black fur. Nothing INHERENTLY wrong, but simply an aesthetic difference and baseless stereotypes that causes them to be discriminated against.

"But user cloudbells fiction is fiction and not everything is meant to reflect the real world-" don't care + authors literally cite their inspiration being real world bigotry + writing doesn't exist in a vacuum + it's just bad thematic plotting + ur wrong and probably annoying.

[merakiui]

oh my god… i just read ‘the most dangerous game’ on ao3 and while i was at the part of where jade pretends to be floyd while they… ya know 🥴

i was listening to phantom of the opera’s ‘medley : down once more / and track down this murderer’. and i just wanna you to know the heavenly experience i had cause OH MY LAWD

(~5:35 in the song, which is the duet/ trio between the phantom, raoul [love interest] and christine [main girl] )

and i LOVE how beautifully it connects. with reader’s confusion about their sudden flooding thoughts of jade. why they keep thinking about him even though they’re WITH floyd

while jade is going to the ‘point of no return,’ he literally cant go back. hes pretending to be his brother to 1. plant more jade shaped seeds in their head & 2. HES LITERALLY FUCKING THEM AS HIS BROTHER WHO HE KNOWS THEY HAVE A CRUSH ON. so yeah: he’s literally crossing the ‘point of no return,’ and he knows that. that this will either work out, or horrifically blow up in his face. but that’s only if you found out ☝️😲

my favorite part is that when christine sings about the ‘angel of music.’ the man [phantom] who was there in the shadows supporting her, yearning for her, loving her obsessively to the point it scared her (jade was much more discreet but that’s not the point)

a bit later in the song she sings ‘angel of music you have deceived me’ and i LOVE how it timed up when i read it. and she goes about how ‘she gave her mind blindly’

cause that’s EXACTLY what happened. jade played and deceived reader like she was a piece on a chess board. she literally let him into her mind because she wanted floyd so badly. he literally took over her mind as her thoughts slowly started contain less floyd and more of jade.

also, in the way he deceived her; jade never was going to help them with floyd, and made that ‘contract’ under false pretenses cause this was him making his attack. (ambush hunter, and you know that man was cooking shit up for months too, maybe it got sped up when reader wanted a job at monstro)

(this song also came again when reader and jade were in the ocean 🕺🏻💃🏻🕺🏻💃🏻 and ARGGHHH. i’m gonna lose my sanity im in love)

but also. the song before this is literally ‘the point of no return’ and reader the floyd part while listening to it was just spine chilling. but the icing on the cake for me was the medley 🤤

sorry for the long ask, but i just- i’m literally in love with your writing, the planning that goes into is just awe-inspiring. i love how you give us readers things at face value before revealing smthn HUGE but if you go back and reread you’re like ‘how the FUCK did i miss that’, or when everything gets packaged in a nice little bow (so coquette 🤭🎀)

any ways, just wanted to share this with you! keep up the great work‼️ (i’m foaming at the mouth for more jade)

:O :O :O :O !!!!!!!! AAAAAA THAT SONG AND THOSE MOMENTS FROM IT CONNECT SO PERFECTLY..... "plant more Jade-shaped seeds" omg that's so true. >_< he really did surpass the point of no return in that scene just to ensure you slowly but surely thought less of Floyd and more of him throughout the time you spend together. It was so high-stakes, too. Either it works wonderfully or, as you noted, it completely blows up in his face.

And you're right!!! Jade was never going to help you get closer with Floyd. He was willing to entertain and enable your obsession, but that's as much as he'll do. He's just in it for his own benefits and to hopefully twist your perception so that you might fall for him instead. He really was cooking that plan up months in advance. T^T what an evil eel... I love the Phantom of the Opera and its soundtrack,, <3 your ask reminded me of just how brilliant it is!!!! I need to listen to all of the songs again. >w<

Thank you for reading and enjoying tmdg!!!!! I'm happy you like the way I write. One of my favorite things to do is write scenes in which you can glean new information after a reread. >:D there are so many tiny details sewn into tmdg and topped off with a pretty bow!! Very coquette indeed!!!! (˘ ˘ ˘)💖

[noforkingclue]

Hello! Can you write a Dark!Morpheus x reader where they tell the story of the most popular myth of how to sandman courted the primordial being of love (the reader) by inspiring artists to write songs,books and ballads in attempts to woo her in a sort of Persephone and hades sort of way if that makes sense .it work and they are seen as like THE couple and Morpheus is just head over heals worshipping the ground she walks on both then and now and reader obviously adore him as well.maybe they have a few kids?

So I focused more on the darker side of this request and I didn't include the bit about children. Hope you don't mind and enjoy the fic!

Title: A Story

Warnings: dark fic

Everything tag list: @greenrevolutionary, @byebyebreezywrites, @spngingerbread21, @layazul, @lov3vivian, @simonsbluee

Are you sitting comfortably?

Good.

Then let me begin my tale of the Lord of Dreams and the Goddess of Love.

A burning, passionate love story that has lasted longer than this world has been around. It wasn’t often that another being captured the Dream Lord’s attention and yet this Goddess had done just that. Her siblings and fellows Gods and Goddess had warned her about the power and danger of the Endless but she paid them no heed.

And that, my listeners, was to be her undoing.

So, I hear you ask, how did he manage to court the reclusive Goddess?

You see, the answer is quite simple- by inspiring the humans that she cared so much about.

Dreams of inspiration is what he gave to the humans. Poetry, books, paintings, plays, all of this he provided for the humans. To shower each other in declarations of love that they otherwise would not have said. They had the ideas but he provided them with the ways of putting them into words.

That’s how he got the attention of the Goddess.

How happy she was that her humans and how charmed by the Dream Lord despite the continuous warnings from those around her. Of course this didn’t go unnoticed by the humans. Myths and legends sprung up about the two of you. How the God of Dreams gifted human s with divine inspiration to court the one he loves the most. These were the myths that humans needed the most. In hard times these were the myths the humans turned to the most. All other relationships paled in comparison to theirs. You see, there was no drama or fighting between them. Just love.

Ah, I see your cynical smile and perhaps you’re right.

In fact, there is no ‘perhaps’ about it.

You see, these were stories created by human and-

Oh. I see you’ve already clocked it.

The Dream Lord inspired the humans who created the stories…

Yes, you’re correct, how do we know these stories are fact or fiction? But that’s the same with any myth isn’t it? The lines between what happened and what is made up is often blurred and that is the case with this. Humans are romantics are heart.

The truth is, yes the Dream Lord did inspire humans and that did captivate the Love Goddess. However, the Dream Lord asked too much of the little Goddess. He wanted her to reside in the Dreaming with him. To leave her family and become completely his. To never walk among the humans again. To have his heirs and to never mention her old life outside the Dreaming.

And she didn’t bend to his commands.

You ok? Oh, you don’t like how this story is turning out? I’m afraid things rarely turn out how people want them to.

Now, there’s something else you should know about the Dream Lord. It isn’t just dreams that he controls.

It’s also nightmares.

At her refusal the human were plagued with horrific nightmares. The Endless are older and more powerful than the Gods, even the ancient ones. The more the Goddess refused his affections the worse the nightmares became. Until she agreed to meet, to relieve the humans pain and suffering at the hands of the one she thought she could trust.

But when it came time to meet she couldn’t face him. The trust that had been built up had long since gone. So she did the only thing she thought she could do.

She ran.

She disappeared from existence. None of the other Gods or the Endless knew where she had gone or if they did they didn’t let the Dream Lord know. The Dream Lord searched endlessly for his little Goddess but he couldn’t find her. He even couldn’t find her dreams, the mind he used to enjoy spending so much time in.

Which brings us up to now.

The Dream Lord has escape the prison where he was held for one hundred years. With all that time he’s done quite a bit of think and from what I hear he’s determined to find his Goddess. This time, nothing is going to stand in his way.

Hmm?

What’s that?

What does this Goddess look like?

Heh.

My dear, just look in a mirror and you shall see. Surely you don’t think of me as stupid?

Pleasant dreams and good luck.

[daincrediblegg]

Oh my gosh okay I've seen you tag things with 'Lady Terror' and please please please I have to know more . Is it what I think? (The Terror in human form *o*) I'm so interested .

LMAO OK SO!!! funny story because, actually, even though she's definitely more human and grounded in reality now (and if you should wish to hear a little more about her backstory- knowing that she's a self insert for sure that I'm using to fuck francis crozier silly, I have a Bio for her HERE that may entice you ahead of the impending fic I have been writing about her and francis- the gothic austen romance of my fucking dreams, and I've also got a couple of mini fics and a fic preview on my masterlist should you like to read them) SHE ACTUALLY did kinda start out as the terror in human form, because at around the time I did my re-watch of the terror that LED to this whole year-long adventure, I was also watching 1899 on netflix and mourning the loss of its second season (added to netflix's list of heinous crimes), and the whole endeavor was partially inspired by the concept behind that show (no spoilers. but it's very cool), and some of the principal characters that absolutely have some kinda romance going on (yes I'm fully invested in maura/eyk and they are definitely a blueprint for whatever the hell francis and lady terror have going on)

but even though the dynamics have changed since I first came up with her and the nickname, I feel like there's a lot playing into that name that makes it a really fascinating moniker for her as a character now. the disambiguation from complete personhood that the name implies (similar to how Lady Silence for Silna operates), meanwhile having binding to both the ship (double-edged, as it implies something illicit in being the "lady of terror"- which is how she earned that nickname in the story in the first place- since she is supposed to be stationed on Erebus, but spends enough of her time on Terror to garner that reputation... but also something horrific and to be feared- as it's also what they call the Tuunbaq as well), and something then also in the way that it commands some level of power... but then also, for Francis especially, becomes something that he can embrace... in all her (and the nickname's) facets. Not something he could ever claim, but someone he can respect... feel affection for. perhaps even find some comfort and levity in... and by god do I love those implications and you'll pry them out of my cold dead hands at this point.

And so, to all, Lady Terror she remains.

[mareenavee]

Fic Authors Self Rec!

Tagged by the indominable @kookaburra1701! Rules:

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Let’s spread the self-love!

I love this. OKAY LET'S GO. Tell me about how proud you are of your work, friends. You've come so far <3

Tagging: @paraparadigm, @polypolymorph, @changelingsandothernonsense, @thana-topsy, @dirty-bosmer, @thequeenofthewinter, @gilgamish, @archangelsunited, @throughtrialbyfire, @expended-sleeper, @ladytanithia and YOU yes if you see this, talk kindly about your writing journey and TAG ME BACK <3

Below the cut because I do be ramblin' (: They're not really in any particular order, I just love them all for different reasons.

1) If We Knew Anything At All

This one was a hell ship prompted by a list that Topsy shared with a bunch of us and I had a brainwyrm, then ended up crying while I wrote the end of it. Quite possibly one of my favorite ever pieces. This one is both the inevitable end to my fic universe and something completely outside time. How did I manage this? Via Sheogorath's voicing. I don't think it gets more unreliable than that.

2) Metempsychosis

A very dear friend and fantastic teammate I met through Skywind sent me this prompt and it gave me such an excellent challenge not only to flex on weird god voice stuff again, but also to bust out some spoken word poetry tricks. I did end up recording myself reading this one too and it felt like old times. I loved all the layers of references I shoved into 1,000 words. It is also my first Morrowfic. And also one that reminded me what I am capable of even more strongly than some of my other projects did. 🥰

3) Serpens Caput

This one is newer, yes BUT OH MY GODS what a flex it was. ANOTHER Morrowfic but it's set in Ceth's fic universe featuring not only major character death but the mindset of a villain in his final moments. And we get to see Danger!Josh through his eyes. It was WEIRD. WEIRD WEIRD but so much fun. I don't think I've yelled so much about a fic whilst writing before. Ceth threw me this prompt, but I don't think was expecting this to end up...being this way (: Borrowed the description of Teldryn and Nerevar from her universe and just RAN WITH IT.

4) Little Dragon

This was written as part of my cute, happy LDB!Athis polycule AU where nothing is quite as horrifically messy as my main fic universe. It is a different kind of catharsis to write, often fun and humorous and a flex in that direction, since I didn't know what i was capable of—I always write pining and heartbreak lol. This came about as part of a fic writer's duel with AU (judged by Poly) which was honestly one of the coolest fandom experiences I've ever been in. It has become its own thing now with multiple other stories and I've been in yet another fandom duel since then. So it's all cute fuzzy feelings and happy memories and I love it to bits.

and last but certainly not least:

5) The World on Our Shoulders

My longfic which throws characters into extremely tough situations, handles horribly difficult themes and topics, shows people being messy and still finds ways to show it all with grace. It's what got me out of my multi-year writing slump and truly, truly brought me back to myself. So yes maybe some of the characters have some of my irl nonsense. Some scenes are far too relatable and it's a little scary sometimes how horrible that is, but it's a different kind of Catharsis. I love also the support its gotten so far for its specific type of storytelling structure as well as all the weird details that sprawl into other stories (Like my honorable mention written for Para, Recurse) and sequels and spin offs. It's been a great joy to be writing this and it's continued to inspire me. From draft one, which I wrote in challenge mode, posting every day this last February to now, where I am mid-ground-up-edit, I love this project to bits and will do all I can to see it through to the end. I see how much I can accomplish in this project. I see what can be done with common tropes and themes and even Fic in general. It's unalienated labor that I do for the sheer hell of it because I can and it's mine and I don't have to follow The Rules. There's something beautiful about that. It's one reason I get up at the crack of dawn every day -- to write for the sake of writing. Out of spite sometimes for all the ways the world tries to crush this kind of self expression out of us. This is my gem of a project. And I am proud of it and how far I've come since I started it. (:

So now it's your turn, if you got this far. Why do you write? How have your favorite fics you've written changed your perspective on the craft so far?

[quohotos]

So I don't have any art prepared for 810nicle day, so instead let me regale you of a story of a time where I didn't make some bionicle art. It was a bit of a shitshow.

So it was around 2017 I think, I was in high school. Back then I was on facebook and in this Bionicle fan forum/shitpost group called "Bionicle Maskposting". Honestly it was a great community with so many injokes, having to leave it behind was one of the reasons I stayed on facebook for so long after it stopped being a good platform. Usually people would share memes, mocs, and lore thoughts, but on a rare occasion people would try to find folks to help them with new group projects.

One of these fateful cases was a person who was trying to put together a crew to make a bionicle fan comic. I'd been teaching myself vector, having been inspired by the Bionicle flash games, so I tentatively offered my service to the project. I was still learning and not super confident in my abilities. I told them I probably couldn't do it on my own, but maybe could do backgrounds and trace overs in a vector style.

I got added to their discord server, it was like the third server I ever joined on discord. The mastermind behind all of this was very excited to have someone on board, and was quick to catch me up on what he'd been working on. He showed me his block out of the comic so far, there was no actual art, just all black panels and the dialogue to go with them. And it was... oh god it was bad.

The premise of the comic: It's set in an alternate universe where Tahu is the soul survivor of the Toa Mata. The rest of the Toa are brutally killed by Makuta and now he's haunted by horrific visions, survivor's guilt, and PTSD. He also has a son. Love is cannon in this universe and he has to raise the child he sired with Gali before she was ripped to shreds by a crab.

It was uhhh... not exactly the kind of story I wanted to sign on to, not to mention it was just poorly written, probably a teenager like me at the time. Everyone writes stuff like that, nothing wrong about it in the long term... but then it got worse.

This new guy joined the server, one I didn't recognize. He had like a wolf avatar for his discord profile. He immediately takes one look at what's been planned so far and says, "I love it," but then he has to ask one crucial question before he can continue.

"Is there Jesus in it?"

No he didn't say it like that, I'm paraphrasing, but he asked if there were going to be any themes of Christianity or Tahu's faith in the story.

what the fuck?

Why?

Why would that be in the Bionicle story? What a socially unaware thing to ask? Is he trolling this guy?

Well the ringleader guy who started the project responds mere seconds later

"Yeah, totally, Tahu's faith in Jesus Christ and his struggle with doubt is going to be a big part of the story."

Again, paraphrasing, but it was an enthusiastic response from the guy. They then went on to very rapidly start exchanging ideas about how they can add more christian themes to this already very cursed Bionicle fanfiction. Around that time I politely announced that I didn't feel like I could contribute to the project and excused myself from the server. I'm glad I wasn't ruder, they were doing their own thing there was no reason to be mean about it even if it was buck fucking wild.

I'm assuming it never came out, and part of me regrets leaving so early because right now I'm morbidly curious about how it turned out even if it's probably the last thing I'd ever want to read or draw.

Anyways that's my story, and part of the reason why even though I was one of the biggest Bionicle nerds you can imagine while growing up I generally stay away from fan forum discussions of it as an adult.

Happy Bionicle day

[shenanigans-and-imagines]

Hello! Congratulations on 6k!!!

I hope it’s acceptable for me to ship you with Morpheus from Sandman. He’s pretty big, but! He is of the realm of dreams, a being beyond that is human, who can perceive you and who you are an a level different than any other. Introspection and writing, in my perspective, works very well with Morpheus. Plus, you’re always lost in your own head, so while day dreaming perhaps he could pop in for a visit, help with inspiration. I think he could enjoy observing you, watching you! And it might just be my experience, but I’m also asexual (technically aromantic aegosexual) which I think a being beyond human or god could really understand that.

Now, for me, I request the character to be from Baldur’s Gate (I’m not asking Sandman because if you didn’t tell me I’d be with Corinthian I would cry). Please feel free to assign anyone who’s in the game, be it party members, npcs, or villains.

So, sexuality wise, already said I’m aroace — and aegosexuality is “sex without the self”, aka the concept of sex is great but doing sec as me, in my body, sounds horrific. But! I am also exclusively attracted to men.

Now, personality; I am, first and foremost, autistic. I know this doesn’t define who I am, but I am actually quite proud of being autistic, it makes me happy, I brag about it. I am proud of thinking about things in a different way than others and I am proud of all the effort I’ve put into learning to empathize with others. I’m someone who is often disconnected from my own body, it rarely feels like it’s mine or fully representative of what I do or am. I often escape into fantasies within my head and can pace in circles for hours exploring those settings, not to mention all the fiction that I get too into and try to learn everything about. And through intense study and research, I’ve attempted to learn and understand how people communicate and work on a psychological level, fascinated by the inconsistencies and willing to be forgiving for many circumstances as long as I can understand it — however when I am unable to understand something I can grow increasingly distressed and frustrated. If someone refuses to explain something to me it can even lead to a full on breakdown. Another thing, I don’t like to be “in charge”. I enjoy assisting others, making others lives easier, and overall I also try to assume neutrality from others. It’s difficult to offend or insult me. Oh, also a quick thing — I am extremely morally strict with myself and the standards I hold (easy example; I won’t be friends with anyone who’s racist and will cut off family if I realize they are), if I make a promise I try to never break it and if someone promises me something I expect it to hold.

Final thing on romance : to me the most romantic thing that could happen (that is physically impossible) is mutual cannibalization. Or! Being able to curl up in someone’s chest cavity. Gore and gruesomeness has always intrigued me on a very deep level.

I ship you with Lae’zel

Lae’zel is a very straight forward person. She doesn’t feel the need to hide her opinions or her desires so communication would be a non-issue. She would admire your moral code and your dedication to it. It might, at times, conflict with her own, but that also provides an opportunity to change and grow. While she might not fully understand how deeply you get inside your own head an imagination, once she understands it importance to you, she’d be sure to give you space. She's also the one to pull you back to reality when the situation calls for it.

Overall you can trust to have a true and honest relationship where all your wants and desires will be heard and understood.

This would only end badly. But it would be beautiful.

(18/30)

6k Follower Celebration

[mickmundy]

hiii (again lol) just wanted to elaborate a little, but there is so much in the way you write particularly Sniper and his struggles with shame, loneliness, that hunger (in all its forms) and complex parental relationships that just resonates so deeply. Reading (and rereading) through the series and the evocative way you describe everything and break down/talk through it within and in bonus posts has really helped me put words to some of own feelings and motivated me to work towards improvement!

(i hope its okay that i combined both of your asks, i didn’t want to risk mixing up my thoughts or leaving anything about either one unanswered! ;-; <3) FIRST OF ALL…… i’m ltierally so speechless ;;; thank you SO much for sending me this, it really means the entire universe to me… like i genuinely adore that something that i wrote from such a personal part of me is emotionally impacting people who read it… like it fills me with so much love knowing that there are people out there who can relate to….. sniper’s…….. yes… of course…. sniper’s……… journey with falling in love, internalized homophobia, sexual repression, rental trauma etc… sometimes being a human feels So Much and i really don’t know how else to describe it LOL but it’s… A Lot. in good and bad ways. and sometimes i’m just overwhelmed with emotion and i don’t know how to feel or what to feel or what i’m even feeling, i just know i’m feeling a LOT! and i’ve always felt like a total freak for how i process emotions and how i see love and so it just brings me so much comfort and joy to know that not only do people understand and appreciate sniper’s journey, but they also relate to it too ;;; i am holding all of our delicate hearts so close to my chest!! ;u; <3333

and YESSS ;;;; i love both of these things too, they were Big Deals to me to write. i cried when i wrote the first two chapters of fever over a year ago and back then i didn’t have anywhere near the amount of engagement (on here, twt, ao3, anywhere really) and so i was so scared that when i Would post this fic, i’d get laughed at or misunderstood (couldn’t decide which was worse lol) and so it’s really… like.. idk how to describe it… but it feels like a heavy hand on my shoulder in a really good way.. like the reception it’s gotten, i’m genuinely blown away… ;___; and i really appreciate people being comfortable enough to be Vulnerable with me like i feel like i’m being Vulnerable with you by posting my fics.., ;; i’ve cried a lot of tears as i’ve been writing these fics and they really are a massive part of Me (and my gf + our relationship heh) and i’m just so happy that people enjoy them…

the tenderness hurting more than pain..,., like idk how else to describe it lsdkfjsdjf. being told your whole life that you can’t let your emotions dominate you, you can’t let your feelings get in the way of What Really Matters (which as it turns out.. is… nothing really at all lol. or nothing that can’t be Enhanced With Feelings…!) and realizing later in life like oh my god. i’ve wasted so much time being This Person and now it’s not working anymore… and you cling to That Person because they’re all you’ve known how to be… and the idea of putting yourself out there as Who You Are and not Who You Were Told To Be… god it’s horrific. and so scary. and it sucks. but for the sake of love… you want to try… but how do you even try… well… with a lot of attempts! and after a while it starts to get a little more natural.. and a little more natural…. <3 hehe.. and the feeling of rejection from your parents (who you are desperate to please) for things that you can’t help or don’t even understand yourself… it feels really bleak. and sniper’s only been taught to just “power through it” but it’s like… that can’t work forever.. sometimes you need to turn around and Face what you feel… and shoving through it only works for so long…!

i’m so happy to hear that you’ve been inspired to improve yourself too, i’m right there with you!! being in a place emotionally where you find the ability to like. Look Within Yourself and at least Try to improve,, it’s really hard!! and sniper and medic doing it in their own unique ways (and the slow crawl that they do it at!) and seeing them be… not so great at it but they’re getting better! i think that’s a really human trait… like it’s okay that things don’t magically fall into place all at once Conveniently, you know what i mean? and i think with tf2 characters especially it’s like… they’re all immature, they’re far from perfect, but they’re also so capable of love… in their own ways hehe!! but i think that’s fun. i like that we can all have a little emotional vulnerability… together! :’)

thank you SO much again for this wonderful message, i sincerely adore talking with you about my writing and i am always so glad to hear that you enjoy it!! ;_; <333 ILYYYYYY MY DEAR FRIEND ;_____; <3333333

[pancakes-talks]

I can't believe I'm still getting likes/reblogs on my old Nico posts. Like I'm shocked people are still finding them since it's been so long. I'm shocked that anyone saw them when I first posted them I thought the pjo fandom was dead. And like it makes me happy that other people like the same character I do and they like the stuff I made. But it also makes me sad. Cause I just haven't had the energy to be as crazy into the series as I used to be. I'm trying to rekindle that fire but it's hard sitting myself down to read and making stuff inspired by what I read. I want to enjoy things again. I want to be insane about something. So invested, so enthralled, I end up spending hours writing stupid stories and drawing goofy shit to make myself giggle.

I want to sit down and take in everything. Feeling completely engrossed in a story watching it unravel. How it's carefully sewn plots together. Just experiencing how more alive characters feel the further you get into the story. I want to furiously type out my developing theory's of where the story is going and tying those threads together as they're revealed. Just going completely feral when I'm proven right or wrong. Caring deeply for the characters ambitions and rooting for them.

Feeling your heart drop to your stomach as you see the ledge they're about to leap off of before they do. knowing there's nothing you can do to stop it from happening. Watching them fall. Watching them struggle to get back up on their feet and forging on anyway.

Cheering for them as they finally make their way back home safe. But having that bittersweet feeling wash over you as you realize there's no adventure left for you to follow.

Like, Goddamn! I don't want to watch a 20 minute YouTube video giving me a chopped up synopsis of a book for 1/4th of it and then give me a surface level analysis they pulled from Wikipedia nearly word for word for the last quarter. That's like licking the condensation off the outside of a soda bottle. I want the whole deal. I don't want to have to settle for less because I'm exhausted and in pain from work. It's kinda bullshit I can hardly enjoy my hobbies, which consist of mostly sitting down! That's crazy. Don't get me started on AI bullshit. Like no bud I don't want a computer to steal images and then muddle them together to make "art". The process of creating something is the whole point of CREATING SOMETHING. Typing words and instantly getting a garbled emotionless picture is not going to give me the same joy as drawing a horrific Freddy Fazbear as an old timey Chuck e cheese animatronic inspired by meat canon but in my own glossy style. Spending hours detailing his shiny rubbery skin and jagged tooth that's somehow rotting even though it should be plastic right??? Setting his eyes and eyelids further back into his gapping sockets to make them seem more uncanny. And having them look sideways at you even though he's placed forward on the stage. And then posting it in every discord I'm in. Forcing my friends to look at him as he gazes back at them. And then all reacting with "..oh my god? oh mY GOD! OH MY GOD" followed by "YOU MADE THAT? THATS FUCKING AWESOME" like no dude typing words on a keyboard will never make me feel as close to godhood as creating funny little cursed drawings does.

[typicalcommondandelion]

💛 please please tell me about any of your ocs - 🕷️ SPIDER, 🌌 MILKY WAY, ❇️ SPARKLE, 📎 PAPERCLIP ::]

🕷️ SPIDER - what is their biggest fear? do they have any irrational / mundane fears?

Let's start with... Petromy Phelmer!!! He's got 2. His no.1 fear is his irrational/mundane fear, which is that he's a germaphobe, essentially. He doesn't like what he can't kill with a bigger weapon or more wounds. It's doubly worse with parasites, viruses, fungi, and bacteria, because to him (a baby god who hasn't grown into his ephemeral and/or supersized form(s) yet), those tiny life-enders are competition to him, and he's got a lot to stand to lose.

Putting the rest under a read-more.

[Ask meme src]

His other no.1 fear is his mother ("Agnatha", "Agnes", "Agatha", or "Nathan" depending on who you're asking). Lol. Lmao. He's a momma's boy and her opinion means everything to him (especially since he wants the inheritance lol)

Aside from those, he's also horrifically body-shy and body-awkward, and will do everything in his power to both appear big and powerful, while also not show a single inch of skin or face (which mostly manifests and being in a diver's suit 99.8% of the time. Yes this also helps with the whole germaphobic thing).

🌌 MILKY WAY - what was the inspiration behind your oc? what was the first thing you decided about them?

OH MAN. OKAY. LIGHTNING ROUND? LIGHTNING ROUND.

Petromy Phelmer - He was my Sunless Seas captain OC/self insert. He has direct inspiration from Lamprey. First thing I decided about him was probably that he was an asshole who found abusing humans amusing.

Barbatos Osswenbower Langermann - Petromy's (stand-in) captain, because I needed someone to take over the role of captain since Petromy hides as an engineer. She was inspired by bearded vultures.

Rhodian - I just wanted to play a centaur in D&D lmao. The first thing I decided about him...? Was probably that he was a paladin.

Mackenzie - I drew a cat-helmet biker once (probably bc Celty Durarara was in my brain), drew her a couple more times, and now in my mind she's the wildcard "Rat Queen", "Cop Killer" of a stereotypical cheesy dystopian futuristic metropolis. First thing I decided about her was her helmet design.

Cornelius - I took a uquiz that told me I was a centuar rogue, so I picked up the challenge and made a centuar rogue. First thing I decided about her was that she was a performer.

Loveday - I needed to come up with an Eberron character. First thing I decided about her was probably that she has prosthetic legs.

..."lightning" round.

❇️ SPARKLE - what is their most prized possession? what do they value?

Petromy - His ship (the SS Calliope) is his darling!! Which is also his body/shell half the time. He values money, power, brute strength, and bigger weapon/army diplomacy.

Rhodian - His most prized possession is probably his cult's crest, since it marks him as a member, and it's also his spellcasting focus. He values fairness, his family, and also his bugbear bestfriend, Gibbs.

Loveday is an artificer and easily loves her alchemy pack more than she loves herself.

📎 PAPERCLIP - a random fact.

Rhodian's a seal brown draft horse standing at 7 feet tall, who trims his hoof hair. He also has a weak constitution to drugs, a mild-to-severe case of motion sickness, and he wont eat apples, oats, or sugarcubes in front of other people.

Petromy's name is Petromy, but he thinks it's too diminutive and will say his name is Petrom.

Mackenzie circles her lowercase "i" dots but also won't draw the line body, and abbreviates her name as "Mcknzie", so when she writes it, it ends up appearing as "Mcknz°e".

[robboybot]

Last night I finished watching bendy and the dark revival with friends and… in my honest blunt opinion? it sucked. It’s not a good game. It’s unpolished and 100% shows the fact it got interrupted and picked apart midway through it’s making by the company head.

It had so much potential and lots of interesting plot lines but ultimately the final result is so… EMBARRASSING? It’s an incredible insult to the fans and the entire team and it’s studio meatly and mood abused and took advantage of to squander out this disaster of a patchwork nightmare.

There’s a lot I can get into but I’ll tackle how the game suffers from a few major points:

-most all the major plot beats were stilted, interrupted by unfinished side bits, and felt shoehorned against one another. The plot was rushed, confusing, and had too much of an “Audrey somehow already knows how to do x” like PUNCHING A GOLD INK BOTTLE??? Not to mention that most of the “surprise twists” felt forced and far too easy of a cop out. Most of the side information and plots introduced went nowhere and could be easily left out entirely and change little to nothing (big Steve, a lot of the lost ones, literally everything to do with the seekers).

-the characters felt so confusingly rushed and also mislead for their importance and meaning!! 90% of the characters introduced had a minor role that gets confused and even forgotten by their own plot shortly after, making their presence feel confusing, trivial, and pointless. They’re used to unlock abilities that they somehow just know how to share (never explained) and then thrown away.

-Also the throwbacks to the original characters…. Spine shiveringly bad. Entirely mischaracterized their own characters somehow??? They got reduced from their entire roles of the first game to Star Wars studio level “look it’s this guy you know!” Roles. The fact you never directly interact with most of them makes the final sequence of the story even more forced and confusing.

-all of the fascinating ideas introduced got cut off or held back by a lack of proper utilization by either under explaining then and tossing them aside or by over explaining details that didn’t make sense and felt entirely out of place. Allison’s speech RIGHT at the start was 100% unnecessary and felt so out of place for her! The stuff with color never got explained and was literally shoved aside after the entire game building up this one character who you kill off so easily after. Why on earth are there lost ones making cults and mini societies you literally take over only to just. Forget them all? It’s messy!

And finally, perhaps the worst of all:

-the entire game felt like an incredibly shameless copy of bioshock but worse. Any potential for it being it’s own thing was choked out by trying so hard to plagiarize another game! There’s inspiration versus straight up copying and oh wow I kept grimacing saying “wow this sure is just like in bioshock” in a BAD way. Calling this “inspired by” bioshock is far too generous for what kind of people own the game (meatly and mood) who said their vision was better than the literal team they hired to write this game and creatively direct it.

The game had tons of potential ideas I liked and the mechanics are super unpolished but seemed decent and fascinating enough at first but. Oh god. There’s so much I can say lol. There’s just too much they could have done instead but they didn’t.

I’m sorry to the fans but this game is an exorbitant demonstration of the studio’s literal real world fall from grace and the horrific mismanagement, incompetence, and mistreatment by the owners to those who worked on it. Absolutely depressing.

Kindly beast and it’s sub studios has run its course I feel in a way that you cannot reverse from. They’re forever damned by their horrific mistreatment and mismanagement in a way that will always show through in their future games and endeavors. They’re a perfect example of how Indie studios can be just as damaging as triple A.

I’ll end this criticism by saying I genuinely smiled and laughed at a few parts because I tried so hard to give it an open minded expectation that had me liking it at first! But as soon as the city part was introduced it became too much. I genuinely wanted to be proven wrong and to be dazzled with a fascinating game that had fresh concepts on the original but was ultimately disappointed at best.

As a former fan… this hurts to see. I had hopes for something new and fascinating but was fed a nightmare of whispered gasps of what creative ideas the original team had being strangled by the encompassing desire it’s CEOs had to choke it into being what it wasn’t.

If I had to summarize it in one sentence:

Dark Revival is a cut up collage of “could have beens” pasted over a clone of bioshock with the writing and direction of a marvel film’s forcibly hammy one liners and over involved CEO decisions killing any real creativity it could have exhibited.

I actually think the first game was better in every way and will continue to love it personally but this studio and it’s series are dead to me.

[strangerthings4theories]

Billy Is Going To Find The Byers

IMPORTANT: If you haven’t read my post “The Demogorgon Is Billy’s Dark Reflection,” please check it out, as it goes hand in hand with this one. Thanks :D

A few months ago, we all got our first look at some of the new characters for S4. I checked them out with great interest. 

“Lt. Colonel Sullivan... military dude in Hawkins... cool, makes sense. Victor Creel... ooooooh, played by Robert Englund, betcha he’s gonna be one of El’s predecessors. Eddie Munson... damn, he’s super sus. Argyle... Jonathan’s new bff, who delivers pizza for--”

I stopped.

And freaked. OUT.

Argyle delivers pizza for Surfer Boy Pizza.

Surfer Boy Pizza.

SURFER BOY PIZZA.

A whole constellation of dots connected, and I knew IMMEDIATELY where this is heading. Let’s walk through it step by step... starting with the inception of Stranger Things itself.

The Duffers love the movie Jaws, to the point that they give it pride of place in their list of inspirations. Hell, Stranger Things probably wouldn’t have existed without it. Initially, as a homage to the movie, the show was set in a Long Island beach town called Montauk. The setting didn’t change until the Duffers began pre-production:

They began by scouting locations on the northern tip of Long Island, but the community - so integral to the script - didn’t look as they had imagined, and its distance from New York City made the idea of anchoring the production there unfeasible. A new approach was required. (Worlds Turned Upside Down, p 25)

After that, they rewrote the script to take place in Indiana, and “Hawkins was born.” 

Still, you can tell their love for Jaws lingered. Hopper’s truck looks like Martin Brody’s:

Meanwhile, the Demogorgon was inspired by the shark, and the show isn’t shy about that fact. In S1, when Nancy explains her theory for what the Demogorgon is, she likens its bloodlust to that of a shark:

In the final episode, when Nancy, Jonathan, and Steve are hiding from the Demogorgon in Will’s room, the Jaws poster hangs prominently in the left side of the frame:

Furthermore, the Demogorgon’s behavior emulates that of the shark. Like Nancy points out, it hunts alone, emerging from the Upside Down (*COUGHTHEOCEANCOUGH*) to pick people off one by one. And though we don’t see its full form until the end, its presence haunts us throughout, infusing the story with dread.

Okay! So the Duffers originally set Stranger Things in a beach town, and the Demogorgon was inspired by the Jaws shark. Cool. What does this mean for us?

Everything.

Think about it. The Byers have moved to a new town. We aren’t sure where they went, but in S2 Bob suggested Maine. Maine is on the East Coast, not far from Long Island.

And as you can see, it has hundreds of miles of beaches.

If the Duffers have any sense, they wouldn’t drop the Byers in another town like Hawkins. That would be redundant and hella boring. Instead, they would seize the opportunity to explore a new setting with a different feel. Not an inland town surrounded by woods and farmland, but... oh, idk... a beach town.

On top of that, the Byers’ move gives the Duffers the perfect opportunity to return to the show’s roots. Finally, they can bring Montauk to life.

If that’s what they’ve done, and the Byers have moved to a beach town, we’re headed for prime Billy territory.

Billy OWNS the beach. In the context of the show, we get our first glimpse of a beach in his mind, for God’s sake. And he’s deeply connected to water as an element. He’s a surfer, lifeguard, swim instructor... need I say more?

He’s also likened to the Demogorgon - the monster inspired by the shark in Jaws.

I’ve already discussed the similarities between Billy and the Demogorgon. Those were fresh on my mind when I read Runaway Max for the first time. So, when I read this paragraph where Max describes the Camaro, I freaked out (I do that a lot):

Once, for two weeks back in April, I thought that Camaro was the coolest thing I’d ever seen. It had a long, hungry body like a shark, all sleek painted panels and sharp angles. It was the kind of car you could rob a bank in. (pp 12-13)

It’s a motherf***ing equation, y’all. Billy (by way of his Camaro) = the Demogorgon = the shark in Jaws.

And the Byers have just moved to a town where the local pizza place is called Surfer Boy Pizza.

A name like that doesn’t make sense unless they really are in a beach town.

Hence why I completely lost my shit when I read about Argyle. When you take all the evidence together, it looks like the Duffers have set up a situation where, figuratively, our heroes will think they see a shark in the water (aka the Demogorgon). 

But they’ll find out it’s not a shark. It’s a surfer boy coming back to shore.

Hints and leaks have confirmed this idea so far. The Stranger Things social media accounts teased the following exchange last year:

“What if it’s the Demogorgon?” “It’s not the Demogorgon.”

Just a couple weeks ago, we got our first photo of the Surfer Boy Pizza delivery truck (credit: strangerinsidebr on IG). And the writing on the side is telling.

The writing in the center doesn’t say, “Surfer Boy Pizza delivered hot to your door.” It says, “Surfer Boy delivered hot to your door.” The ‘pizza’ is way off to the side.

They’re making a joke, guys. A fuckin joke.

“Surfer boy delivered HOT to your door ;)”

Jokes aside, the potential for Billy’s intro scene is so CLEAR and VIVID that I took a stab at sketching out how it could happen. Obviously I don’t think it has to happen this way; the writers have plenty of wiggle room. But it illustrates the kind of scene I have in mind:

Episode 3: “The Survivor”

All this time, hints have been building that Billy is still alive. Creepy things keep happening that remind us of Will trying to communicate from the Upside Down in S1 (flickering lights, people feeling "haunted" by his "ghost," etc). At the end of the episode, a thunderstorm rolls into the Byers' beach town. Will and El are together at home, probably alone. As it's raining and thundering, strange things begin to happen that frighten them. They get a creepy phone call; the power goes out, but only at their house; etc. Remembering that horrific night three years ago, Will races to the window to look out. El follows him. Through the rain, they see a form swaying toward the house. Terrified, Will wants to leave, but El stops him. "But El, what if it's the Demogorgon?" "It's not the Demogorgon." They back away from the door and wait. To their shock, the chain unlocks by itself. The door opens, and their visitor walks in, looking like a drowned cat with a nosebleed. Billy.

God, I’m freaking out again just writing all this out lololol. I need to go lie down. 

BILLY’S COMING BACK, BITCHES. 

Peace.  ✌️

»»————-　✼　————-««

The “Billy Is Alive” Meta Series (So Far)

Billy Is Not a ‘B’ Character In Stranger Things

The First Rule of Analyzing Stranger Things: The Upside Down Is Symbolized By Water

The Lifeguard And The Rip Current: Our First Big Hint That Billy Is Alive

Why Haven’t We Seen Dacre On Set?

The Demogorgon Is Billy’s Dark Reflection

Frequently Asked Questions

For updates, follow the hashtag #billy is alive meta

[not-enough-teeth-and-treasures]

An Autistic’s Perspective on Tears of Themis’ Representation (spoiler alert: it’s bad)

Before you read, I should warn you that there will be spoilers for Chapter Five! Read at your own risk. Also, trigger warning for discussions of ableism and harmful disablility stereotypes. I get pretty heated as well, so if you’re not a fan of swearing and stuff, then it might be best to skip this.

So, I was debating whether or not I wanted to talk about this, mostly because this game doesn’t do anything new in regards to the perception of autism in media. Unfortunately, it ends up leaning into a lot of not great tropes and goes into “what the fuck that’s incredibly offensive territory” waaay to quickly. So here I am.

The most prevelant character with autism (or who we start out thinking has autism. Don’t worry, I’ll get to that) is a small, supergenius child (a boy as well *sigh*) is so overdone at this point that there aren’t many new criticisms I can say. The stereotype of autism presented in media is overwhelmingly extremely intelligent (usually with sciency or math based interests) men with no ability to socialize or be kind to others. This not only paints autism as a disability that effects men primarily (which creates intense stigma around AFAB autistic people and makes it harder for us to get diagnosed or believed), but also creates this expectation of greatness. Autistic people are often held to superhuman standards, which further others and dehumanizes us in the eyes of allistic people. The vast majority of autistic people are not savants, and that it perfectly fine.

But all of this is pretty standard. The red flags started popping up when it was revealed that the autistic kid, Hugh, doesn’t actually have autism and is faking it in order to keep people from asking hard questions about him or trying to pry into his life (which is full of secrets). I’m definitely not a fan of perpetuating the idea that people fake diabilities in order to manipulate people, so this plot twist was not my favorite. However, it wasn’t really enough to inspire me to write a whole ass essay about the representation. And then I got to the fucking text conversation with Vyn.

Here is where I’m gonna put a trigger warning for talk about eugenics, curing autism, ableism, and basically just a fuck ton of awful shit. Fuck, this makes me so mad.

So, I went in and took screenshots of both options just to see, and all of them lead to terrible bullshit. Lets start out pretty light with the MC and Vyn discussing symptoms.

This is a pretty limited and honestly incomplete explanation of autistic behaviors. These can definitely be symptoms, but they’re heavily overcovered and really basic. A lot of autistic people don’t have these symptoms, and it would be really nice if more media branched out and covered more of the spectrum. However, considering they don’t do anything different in any other areas, I’m not surprised.

Also not a fan of Vyn’s use of “abnormal.” It has some very negative connotations and is a bit insulting, honestly. These behaviors are perfectly “normal;” they’re just not as accepted by neurotypical people. Plus, no behaviors can really be labeled as normal because humans are complex and different.

That was the easy shit. Let’s get into the truly awful garbage.

This is treading into ABA territory here. For those of you who are unaware, ABA is pushed as the best autistic therapy, but a large majority of autistic adults consider it to be abusive and unhelpful. This is mainly because it seeks to “correct” many behaviors that are helpful for autistic people. It seeks to surpress stims (which are behaviors that improve the mental health of autistic children), force us to talk (as opposed to letting us use sign language and technology), and more. This harms our mental health and makes us ashamed of who we are. These behaviors do not need to be “corrected.” We don’t need to act “normally.” All this therapy does is make us more palitable for neurotypical people, and it’s bullshit.

It also doesn’t help that ABA was pioneered by Ivar Lovaas, a man who did not believe autistic people were human. He developed ABA as a way to “build a person” using harsh punishments such as withholding affection and ELECTRIC SHOCKS. If you think this is a think of the past, you’d be wrong. Electric shocks are still being used to harm disabled people. Look up the hashtag #StopTheShock to learn more and help push for legislation that bans this practice.

Oh, and did I mention Ivar Lovaas also inspired gay conversion therapy? Because he did! So yeah, fuck ABA and fuck Vyn for performing it (god damn it, Vyn, I liked you a lot).

And now, onto the eugenics. Fuck my life.

FUCK! THIS! BULLSHIT!

I am so tired of autism being treated as this horrific disease that needs a cure. I had a perfectly fine childhood. Yes, it was hard at times, yes I got traumatized, but a large part of that was due to ableism and abuse from teachers and peers. A large reason why autistic people suffer is because the world is not built for us, and we are often denied accommodations that would make our lives better.

It is beyond offensive and disgusting to suggest that we would be better off not existing than “suffering so much” because of autism. Because that is what this game and everyone else who thinks there should be a cure is suggesting. There is no me without autism. it literally affects my brain structure. You are wishing for a completely different person when you tell me that autism should be cured.

Now, I’m not going to get into the horrible consent issues that arise from talks about a cure, including genetic editing, fear mongering to parents so they think abortion is the only option, and straight up Nazi style eugenics. I do not have the spoons to delve into that exhausting discussion. But if you want to know more, then there are so many incredible autistic people who have written blogs, Twitter threads, and more about why a cure is a terrible idea.

Oh, and if you’re going to come at me with the “severely autistic people should be cured” bullshit, don’t bother. There is no such thing as “severe” autism, first of all, and second, non verbal autistic people (which are who people think of when they talk about “severe” autism), largely don’t want a cure. There have been so many surveys of tens of thousands of autistic people, and the result is that the overwhelming majority do not want to be cured. We want support and proper accommodations. Listen to us.

So, in conclusion, fuck this text conversation and it’s ableist and offensive bullshit. I really wish ToT had stayed away from autism, or at the very least did not touch on therapy or a possible cure. For a game that is about genetic experimentation on children and how bad that is, it sure peddles a lot of eugenics.

Fuck, this text conversation actually made me ill and I hate that. I’m so done with constantly trying to prove to the world that I am a human being who deserves to exist. I’m gonna go cuddle my service dog now.