#like what happened to them in their near future
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I always feel pretty dumpy after getting dumped. Tonight was no different. I decided to walk the grounds one last time, and the tranquil beauty of the gardens seemed extra mean somehow. Like I was walking through something beautiful that I never even got a chance to miss. No chance to enjoy. Just rejection. Again. And the same message, though at least this time they tried to be kind about it.
Please never practice magic like that again. Bards were mages until you were too good at singing. Then things got suspicious to the headmasters. Song could be such a powerful tool and manipulate people across the field the way that death could. Put death and song together and humans always got so uncomfortable. And when it came to humans, nothing was more unlucky than a sweet death. They say the way they want to die is old and in bed surrounded by their families but...it's never true. Every single one of them secretly yearns for some kind of glory in their hearts, and it just rots and rots and rots as they age. I'd know. I'm human too. But I'm also banshee and people can just feel it. Especially those who are academically inclined. In some cultures they saw us as prophets... until they learned that the angels sing in our ears and fall out of our throats. Also people only like the idea of prophets. Tell them enough future truth and they start looking for the matches and rope. Or a crucifix.
Bewitchment. Enchantment. Manipulation. No one wants to invite a banshee to the table where everyone is sweet and happy and alive with rosy cheeks and laughing eyes.
I'm an omen. It's kind of lonely. But I get it. I suppose if I were someone else I'd feel the same.
I found myself in a gazebo near the tallest of the little sculpted waterfalls in this garden. I liked the way the water sang and flowed as it poured itself over the rocks. It was summer, so there were fireflies, and I could get back to being lost in my thoughts a bit as I watched the way they all twinkled around each other. My son used to say they were all teleporting. I laughed at him, kissed the top of his head, and earmarked that for later because that might be something he ends up being keen at. My daughter used to say she had the power of the forest when she was very young, and gods if she couldn't tell you exactly what creatures were thinking when they wanted something. The more specific the better with my daughter.
I shifted, crossing my legs over each other and anchoring my elbows on the wooden railing and letting my chin fall heavily into my palms. I closed my eyes and breathed slowly, trying to catch and understand the direction and pattern to the way the wind blew tonight. The air smelled like roses and jasmine and I looked up to see the little white flowers hanging from their vines right above me. There were lanterns of golden light and everything felt smoky and indigo. A moonlit darkness that was so easy to see around but too misty to see through.
Was it the song, I wondered? I replayed the interview in my mind. I've been learning how to perform on a stage and have gotten to this point where I fall fully into the music. I don't let my mind control the song anymore, but trust my heart to attune and express it authentically. Sometimes my heart sounds drunk or bitter. Sometimes it sounds like delight and perfection. Today... I couldn't remember. I'd found that I could trick people into thinking maybe I was some sort of reformed cleric turned bard if I sang religious songs. Today I considered a shanty because those work too. But in the end I settled on a lullaby and at first everyone looked peaceful and happy but then that look came into their eyes when they realized where they were and what was going on.
Someone told me once that it was frightening to find yourself suddenly disarmed, especially if being vulnerable wasn't something you were used to being with people. I saw that happen in real time today, and suddenly understood what he meant.
Yay, more awareness.
That brought a bit of temper to my system so I stood up and walked over to the stream to sit down. The grass was wet but I didn't care. I took off my shoes and put them into the water that ran clear and cold over a stone bottom. It was deep enough to cover my ankles. I put my palms to the earth behind me, took a deep breath, and let my head fall back as I sighed it out.
I was so fucking disappointed.
But, I'd still done it. I took the chance. I learned something. All of it sucked. I'd maybe built a few sandcastles in my mind about how my life would fit into the routine that school would have brought me. I let myself sit and grieve what was never mine but still felt lost to me. I imagined the tide of this rejection crushing all the sandcastles in one giant wave. I felt my emotions rise out of my heart, making my throat sore, took another deep breath, and sighed as I let the tears release the sadness and flow down my cheeks like the current at my feet.
Fuck, I really really wanted something else to happen. I wanted the outcome I wanted. And I didn't want any other outcome. I didn't want to go to another school. I didn't want to look at other schools. I didn't want to be a bard if I couldn't go to this school. I didn't want anything.
My body shook with a little sob as my shoulders slumped back.
I didn't want anything ever again and-
Suddenly I was laughing, and I just collapsed. I laughed and cried at the same time and rolled around in the grass. If I was going to be a fucking child like this about this I was going to commit and be a child. My heart was broken a little bit and the grass was so wet and awful but it smelled so good. I closed my eyes and cursed as I realized my hair was going to be wet now that I did this and...
There was a cough and a "Ma'am?"
I froze like a rabbit. Then I closed my eyes tighter just in case this was a dream and I could escape the inevitable embarrassment of someone from the school that rejected me seeing me rolling around in the grass like an animal. The moments clicked by awkwardly and I didn't cut to the next scene, so I opened my eyes to face the music.
Security guard. Handsome. I always liked a man in uniform. Flirting was not going to help me escape embarrassment but it could make this story more interesting. As though he were reading my mind, his face darkened with an expression that read plainly don't even try it. Great, a challenge. The only thing I can't resist. His arms crossed as we both seemed to take in each other's character in this particular moment. He scowled deeper.
I sat up like a naughty child and patted at my hair, then shook it out like a dog would. He was watching closely. My head tilted to the side and I beamed angelically. "Sorry, you caught me making grass angels," I chirped merrily.
In order to be admitted to a magic school potential students only need to provide irrefutable proof that they are mages, yet, despite your very obvious abilities, you were rejected with a comment asking you to "please never practice magic again".
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my thoughts on the rudy/madison discourse and obx 4 generally (spoilers):
I watch obx 4 for the characters. I appreciate the actors, find their behind the scenes moments entertaining at times, and indulge in the occasional interview or Instagram post, but I do not 'follow' the actors. My fanfics are about JJ Maybank as a character, not Rudy Pankow. I appreciate Rudy Pankow's attraction, especially when playing JJ's character, but writing fanfic about Rudy himself (or any other actor) is, for me, uncomfortable. That isn't to shame anybody who does write or read such content, it just makes me personally feel uncomfortable.
All this to say: I don't care about the drama. I don't care about why Rudy left the show, whether this was his decision or the writer's. I think Rudy's girlfriend seems lovely, but I am highly aware neither myself nor anybody else knows her. Rudy is a grown man. He's in his twenties. He can decide who he does and does not want to date, and who he does and does not want to spend his time with, both on and off set. An Instagram post Rudy made on his story on Canadian Thanksgiving I think summed it up perfectly: he loves his girlfriend, and if people can't get behind that, then get out.
Furthermore, Madison and Rudy do not owe anybody anything. I don't find interest or want to engage in the toxic debate of the 'he said, she said'. They're all adults, they all have their own lives, this is all between them. The speculation and pressure from fans is cruel and uncalled for. They don't owe anybody insight into their private lives. Maybe they aren't friends anymore - that's okay! People drift apart, people fall out. Yes, it's sad to see the change from season 1 in terms of dynamics, but a lot can happen behind the scenes. That's life! Also, I don't like the comparison between Rudy and Madison, and Madison and Chase. People saying 'but the actual ex-couple can work together fine' are forgetting that every situation is different! I had an ex-boyfriend at an old job; I was pissed at him for a few months but civil at work, and then I got over it and he apologised and we became actual friends about a year after the break-up. However, I have other ex-friends and ex-lovers who I could not ever tolerate or be near, and I can't imagine what it would have been like having to work with them after a falling out. If this is the case for Rudy and Madison, that's a really tough thing to navigate! Give them grace - yes they're actors, but they're humans too! The bottom line is: it's their life, leave them alone.
Following on from that, stop placing blame! We don't know why Rudy left the show. There's all different opinions and sources about who said what, who did what, who is the 'bad guy'. Nobody knows the truth but the three involved and, as I said before, they owe this to nobody to disclose.
I think Rudy leaving the show, whilst sad, is a fair decision. OBX began filming in 2019. You do a lot of growing from there and, especially with changes in writing, you can want a change. I think actors can sometimes be too tethered to their characters and it limits their future work abilities, because nobody can picture them as anything other than that character. You can still have successful careers because of this (think Camila Mendes and Riverdale; Matt Le Blanc and Friends; Ellen Pompeo and Meredith Grey), but Rudy clearly wants to explore other areas and other characters, like theatre and Indie movies. Good for him! We should support him! I don't love this 'I'm sorry we couldn't save you from your actor, JJ' stuff, because Rudy gave his heart and soul to that character and that performance. He doesn't deserve to be punished because he craves a change. It's the same as any other job/career; we all want a change sometimes.
The writers and show creators have been getting a lot of backlash too. Here's my thoughts on season 4: was it their best season? No. Did it do some of the other seasons and previous plotlines/character development justice? No. Did JJ have to die? Not necessarily. However, it is easy to lose sight of the small picture when you have increased demand and increased budgets. Netflix like 'bigger and better'. When people are given more creative freedom, sometimes things can veer off course. We can forget the original character motivations, dreams and desires by getting caught up in the spectacle. The only show I've ever seen that really keeps the characters true and consistent, whilst developing, and never forgetting a plot point, is Bojack Horseman. To me, that is the only show. It's a shame, yes, that it veered so far from season 1's aesthetic, but that's how it is.
As a fellow creator, I feel it's cruel sending so much blatant hate to the writers and creators for making the show. If Rudy did want to leave, they had to find a way to make this work for JJ. Yes, I've seen some say 'he didn't have to die' but I sort of disagree. JJ is too loyal and attached to his friends to just 'go off' on his own to somewhere else. That would also be out of character. I think the way he died, and the build-up and plot points that didn't get resolved prior to his death, is a little annoying. I don't like how it wasn't in Kildare, in his home, and in a different country. But hey - that's just me.
I know, that if I took so much time and energy and money, working and building something that I am proud of just, just to receive so much black-and-white hate, I'd be crushed. Constructive criticisms and opinions are good - we can be upset about a character dying - but saying 'fuck you' and 'we hate you' is a bit mean, in my opinion. The time and energy and work gone into this season is astounding. The travelling and set design is incredible! I mean, the shop is the most awesome thing I've ever seen!
I also respect that they killed JJ. I'm not saying I wanted him to die. I'm saying, it pisses me off when shows give plot-armour to the main characters. It lowers the stakes. You know they're going to be fine because they're always fine (think the majority of Stranger Things - there's a really good video essay about that here btw that articulates this point a bit better). JJ's death was shocking and upsetting, that's how a death (in a show, at least) should be, but it means hey, there are real stakes here. It's not fair he died! He didn't deserve to die! But he did, oh my God. It takes guts to kill of a beloved, main character. I agree, JJ was my favourite part of the show, but I respect the choice, personally.
I liked season 4. It wasn't as good as season 1, I wish they stayed more grounded and didn't start so many plot points without resolving any/all of them, but I liked it. It was entertaining. The acting was pretty decent, though the chemistry and acting when Rudy and Madison had scenes together was a little disappointing (again, I don't want to point blame at a certain individual; it's hard to have good on-screen chemistry, especially when you don't feel like it matches your character's true motivations).
Was it unrealistic at times? Yes, but OBX usually is haha. It's a show about finding EL DORADO at this point, like I can accept that they let Sarah and JJ get swept into the sea during a storm and come out fine, without a single earring out of place. Sure, whatever, I'll take it (so unrealistic, 90% would drown and you'd at least shed your clothes to help you swim and stay afloat but WHATEVER. Also put your life jackets on guys wtf it's a STORM).
I wish there was more development on the plots, done by having less plots at once, and more conclusions for JJ before his death. I felt as though we were building up to a big blow-out/resolution with Pogues which never really came. Also, don't love how they handled JJ and his biological dad. I don't think he'd be that willing to trust a random man who abandoned him so easy. Yes, he's reluctant, but COME ON. JJ has the biggest trust issues. I just don't buy it. Also, explain, please, how Luke went from being so wonderful and gentle with JJ to full on abusive? Just a bit of explanation would be nice, please. Not a huge fan of the pregnancy plotline but hey, sure, whatever.
So, yes, that's my thoughts on everything: leave the actors alone; the writers have balls for killing JJ but that isn't necessarily a bad thing; give people grace; treat people with kindness; I'm going to keep writing for JJ; and season 4 altogether gets a 6/10 from me.
I'm open to different opinions, further thoughts, or just general musings/ideas. I hope this doesn't upset or offend anyone, I'm not trying to spark drama or shame a certain person or people: these are just my thoughts and views! So, I won't be participating in any 'who's the bad guy' discourse surrounding the actors. I'm just here for JJ and the Pogues. Take care of yourselves and spread positivity in this crazy, difficult time <3 and, of course, rest in peace, JJ Maybank <3
P.S. These are my season-by-season ratings: season 1 - 10/10; season 2 - 8/10; season 3 - 6/10; season 4 - 6/10.
#thoughts#opinion piece#opinions#jj x reader#jj maybank x reader#obx#outerbanks#outer banks#outerbanks 4#outer banks 4#obx 4#jj maybank#jj#pogues#the pogues#jiara#rudy pankow#madison bailey#jj x kiara#jj maybank x kiara#kiara#kiara carrera#john b#john b x sarah#john b routledge#sarah#sarah cameron#no hate!
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Hi!! This is for all my Russian/Slavic bitches ᕙ(͡°‿͡°)ᕗ
(English is not my first language! There may be grammatical or/and punctuation mistakes)
★ Logan finds some of your habits a little... strange.
★ Like the way you sometimes fake spit three times over your left shoulder and knock on something wood three times.
"... and like, if I ever get cancer... ugh." Rolling your eyes, you knock on the wooden table leg, spitting and saying "Не дай Бог". (God forbid)
"What was that for?"
You meet his gaze as he arches an eyebrow in bewilderment, waiting for your clarification.
"Oh, well, you know. It's to make sure nothing bad happens. It's an omen thing."
★ Omens. Yeah, you mention them a lot. Like the time Logan walked past you whistling, and you almost unconsciously barked at him something like, "Не свисти — денег не будет."¹ Or the time he ate a slice of apple off the tip of a knife.
"Не ешь с ножа — злым будешь."²
"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?"
"Don't mind it. Just a habit." you explained, leaving the poor bewildered Canadian in the kitchen.
★ The only thing worse is your "domovoy". If Logan loses anything, the first thing he'll hear from you is, "Домовой, домовой. Поиграй да отдай."³ And he chuckles, shaking his head. As if some domovoy is gonna help him find the keys he put somewhere... Oh, they there are.
★ If someone drops a spoon? "К гостям." (To guests)⁴ If by chance a dish is broken? "На удачу." (For good luck). If a nasty bird poops on his favorite jacket? Turns out it's a good thing too.⁵
"Are all Russians superstitious, or are you just the way I am?"
"I'm not superstitious."
He's lost for a moment.
"Then what's the point of all this your things?"
"It's always like that. The least superstitious people follow superstitions."
"Yeah, tell me you don't believe in God with all your 'God forbid' stuff."
"I'm an atheist, Logan."
★ You got him. Now he doesn't understand you at all, and you're smiling and giggling, almost like you're mocking him.
(Masterlist)
A little explanation from me!! Yes, more often the most unbelievers and the least superstitious follow superstitions. Why? Because of upbringing. People grow up surrounded by northern relatives, adopt their habits, and then, when they have already formed their worldview, can not get rid of northern habits (I'm like this) ヽ('ω')ノ
1) The phrase "Don't whistle - you won't have any money." was often said in Rus' to an idler. Because it was believed that a person busy with work would simply have no time for such silly activities. At some point, people who often whistled began to be called lazy.
2) "Don't eat with a knife, you'll be evil." Like, those who eat from a knife become sharp, jealous and aggressive. There is also a version that a knife "cuts the mind" — by eating with a knife, one can become stupid, lose knowledge.
3) Domovoy — in Slavic peoples home spirit, mythological master and patron of the house, ensuring the normal life of the family, fertility, health of people and animals. Sometimes, when a thing is lost somewhere in the house, they say, "Балуется домовой." (Domovoy is playing around.) And for him to return the thing, they say, "Domovoy, Domovoy. Play with it and give it back."
4) If you dropped a dessert spoon, expect to meet uninvited guests who will come to your house with a small child. And if you let a tablespoon out of your hands, acquaintances, friends or work colleagues will come to your house in the near future.
5) Bird feces on the shoulder is usually considered a symbol of protection from a guardian angel or spirit. It is seen as a sign that you are being watched over and protected from all evil.
#x men#logan howlett#logan howlett x reader#logan x reader#wolverine#wolverine x reader#hugh jackman#hugh jackman x reader#headcanon
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Checking in. I know you're planning on getting the fuck of out dodge, and I don't blame you. Unfortunately, I don't have that option. My mom keeps saying that we'll get through it. I don't quite believe it, but I get so mad at all the social media people shitting on Biden, Harris, Walz, and the Obamas for trying to reassure people that it'll be okay and not to give up. Like what do you want them to say, "You're all screwed, goodbye"? They're better people than that.
Thanks! I'm doing all right, or at least as well as can be considered under the circumstances, and hope you are as well.
I should clarify that this is not a snap decision; we have discussed the possibility of emigrating since at least 2020 and knew this election outcome would be our trigger moment. I'm well aware that I'm privileged for even being able to seriously consider this possibility, and there are a lot of people who have no option but to stay and fight it out here. And it's not that I think that fight is pointless or unwinnable--it's important, as is the hope necessary to motivate it. But for us, this begins and ends with one thing: our kids.
When my kids go to school, a voice in the back of my mind reminds me to hug them and tell them I love them, just in case someone takes a gun and opens fire on their class. My older son has already talked about studying abroad and finding a job in another country, because he doesn't want to be burdened with inescapable debt for wanting a higher education or treating an illness or accident he has no control over. My younger son would be angry if you told him that his Muslim best friend didn't have as much right to be in this country as he does. I want what every parent wants for their children--to have a good life, an even better life than mine if possible--and in the near future, that's not going to happen in the United States.
So I'm not giving up hope. I'm doing what every migrant and immigrant has done since human history began: I'm planting my hope in a new garden.
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Hi, I need to get something of my chest if I may. If not, feel free to ignore this message. ❤️ I've been so livid and angry about some peoples rasist, sexist and dare I say queerphobic behaviour all because of a fucking FICTIONAL character!! It's been going on for months but this is really the tip of the iceberg, like fuck those hypocritical asslickers and lfj for instigating it, for everything they said. Wanting for Ryan to get deported? Like where to? Texas?? All of a sudden he's not white enough lmao. And everything else they are saying about him and Oliver and Angela Bassett??? I'm not saying lfj didn't get hate but lmao he knew for like two months that he was leaving... Them claiming he's a victim and that he was bullied of the show when he was only a guest star and sorry to say not that great of an actor... I have no sympathy for him and based on all the problematic shit he said, I'm glad we are rid of him and his minions. Good riddance I say, no one is going to miss them! And with the shitstorm they are causing, why would the show want lfj back or any show for that matter??? I wasn't around prior to S7, but I understand what Tim meant about the fandom being worse than ever. I've been in some fandoms where things were tense but nothing like this. Sorry for the rant, it's just so infuriating to see how they behave toward real life people over a bland fictional character. They can like who they want for whatever reason, but imo there here are tons of better gay characters out there and claiming he was some revolutionary representation or whatever tells me all I need to know about them. Sorry again for the rant idk who to talk to about this. Hope you have a nice day! ❤️🙏
Oh Nonny, it's clear you needed to get this off your chest. It's okay. I get it.
You only came in during season 7? You missed such a great period before that. I'm not saying everything was alway perfect and there definitely was fandom discourse. That's unavoidable. But it was discourse on another level. Nowhere near the level we reached over the last couple of months.
But as soon as the Tommies appeared things changed considerably. We were all harassed, accused of terrible things and called 'delusional' for shipping Buddie, a ship that had been around since season 2.
We went from a relative peaceful fandom to a toxic fandom in one single episode. I got called homophobic for not really vibing with Tommy two days after the episode had aired. It was the beginning of a long and very exhausting journey for all of us.
Tommy/Lou and his unhinged fans are the worst thing that has ever happened to the 911 fandom.
But what is done is done. We can't go back. We can only move forward from here. And the future seems so much brighter. No more Tommy and after the way Lou egged his fans on to attack the show and Oliver? Well, we won't ever see him back at ABC. 😏
So let it all out Nonny and then move on. We're in the thick of things right now, but it will all soon pass. As soon as the fandom moves on to the new episode, the Tommies will scatter and probably follow Lou to SWAT. Some hardcore Tommies will stick around, but if we all collectively ignore them, they'll eventually go away as well.
I hope you have a lovely day Nonny!
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You know, besides thinking that Ghoul will become the next Scarecrow, I always wondered what the other members of the Jokerz gang would become later on.
#it's like it's stuck in my mind 24/7#like what happened to them in their near future#did they reform#did they continue their criminal lives but under different names#I need to KNOW#batman#batman beyond#batman beyond ghoul#stewart carter winthrop iii#the scarecrow#scarecrow#jokerz gang#dee dee twins#batman beyond chucko#chucko#batman beyond wolf#batman beyond bonk
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So, I'm not great at avoiding procrastination either, but some thoughts on it:
Schedule leisure time and honor it at least 80% of the time, even if some stuff doesn't get done. Also get enough sleep most of the time -- if you're up late on a big project now and then, OK, but don't routinely stay up doing schoolwork. This is important not just because leisure is a human right, but also because of course people sneak around and steal leisure time wherever they can when they can't get it by following their own rules. That includes study breaks. Your brain needs some times where it's not actively working to absorb new information.
Break it up: people tend to be better at not procrastinating when there's a near future, urgent deadline, so it's a good idea to break large projects into smaller parts with smaller deadlines at the beginning. Sometimes people have trouble responding to self-imposed deadlines; sometimes positive reinforcement (pretend you're 5 years old and give yourself stickers or something) helps a lot, sometimes getting an accountability partner (someone who will ask you if you've hit your smaller deadlines or not) helps a lot.
Just do it/first step: when you catch yourself procrastinating in the moment, you can try telling yourself you'll just take the next smallest conceivable step to doing the project. Like opening a document on your laptop. If you do the next smallest step and really can't bear to do more, oh well, but often once people get going they want to keep going.
Sometimes people can break out of a cycle of "I know I should do x" but not actually doing it in the moment by counting down from 5 to 1 and then doing something in the physical world, like standing up (or eg putting down the phone if it's an electronic distraction.) This gets easier to do if you've practiced it a few times.
Breaking up the shame spiral: I don't think people usually procrastinate because they're actively enjoying whatever they're doing instead, I think what happens is they're (or at least this is how it works for me) feeling bad and there's something other than Doing The Thing that is better distraction from feeling bad. So, doing something to change the feeling bad into feeling OK can break a procrastination cycle. What I do is write "I fucked up" in a notes app and write down what happened and how bad it is and how I can make it less bad, and that tends to make me feel way better (and once in a while even helps me figure out how to do less of the thing I feel guilty about); but any emotional management thing that actually works for you is fine. Take a walk around the block or do some jumping jacks, say some affirmations, do a breathing exercise, whatever. Anything reasonably short, that actually works.
Acceptance: behavioral change takes a while and tends to involve some relapses, that's how people are, people don't need to be perfect to get things done.
Finally, this isn't anti-procrastination advice, but: DON'T DO EVERYTHING. Prioritize. Part of what you're supposed to learn in uni is to learn what to do when you have more to do than what you can do -- learn which things are lower priority and can be put off or skipped entirely, and which things have to be done. In particular, you will get too much reading, so learn to skim. This is not cheating or slacking off. This is part of what you are supposed to be learning. See also: asking for extensions and stuff when you need them.
So I’m a first year uni student. How did you survive your bachelors? It feels like such a long slog, and as I write this I have five things I need to do.
In particular, how did you… not procrastinate
I’d really appreciate any advice you can give!
One day at a time mate. One day at a time.
I can't give you any advice on procrastination, I procrastinated every project I had throughout all of uni.
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Being self aware is literally hell I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy
#diary#god I could rant about about this forever#tw mentions of assault in the tags dont read if that makes u uncomfortable#im kinda getting tired of people asking why i dont date 🤩 it sends me into a mental spiral hahahaaaaa#i just tell people im not looking for anything serious rn but its a big fat fucking lie because i DO want to date#but i think my nervous system is so shot from living with my dad still and he can be so emotionally abusive it's insane#it makes me not trust my judgement because shitty behavior is so normalized and i KNOW whats Right and Wrong but im so used to keeping the–#–peace because its a survival tactic for me and always has been#like when people like me i think one of two things usually:#1) they're genuinely interested in me and i hate myself so much i cant understand why anyone would like me#or 2) theyre interested in me for my body which is both easier to understand and terrifying because people in the past have hurt me because–#–they wanted to be with me. read between the lines for that one#because of how i grew up and what I've experienced i genuinely do not trust people. i trust no one fully and it kills me#i feel so fucking guilty all the time bc most people arent out to get you but that wasn't the case for me#i feel like i cant grow as a person because im stuck in a survival mindset. i KNOW why I people please and i hate it#i genuinely do love people and i want the best for them but its also ingrained into my head that if something is wrong it's My Fault#and there will be Consequences#back to dating though#there are so many reasons I do and dont want to date#i call myself a Helpless Romantic because there's no way I'll be dating in the near future. i cant just go on dates I have to know you for–#–a while and build trust. but what if it ends badly and im the idiot who cant take a goddamn hint and realise love isnt meant for someone–#–like me?#i grew up knowing my parents hated each other and “stayed together for the kids” whatever thet means. like that fucks with your mind#seeing my mom being mistreated by my dad made me snap out of the disney movie princess x prince charming daze everyone else was in as a kid#i realised very early on that relationships won't save you and can actually be the worst thing to ever happen to someone#theres more to this but ive already said enough lol. anyway
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just thinking about kaveh (yes again) and how i think he'd love to study the chasm, to be able to fiddle and learn about the rocks and minerals there
it would be a perfect place to learn about steadier foundations, how to work with different types of rocks and how to best combine them, after all he needs such knowledge to continue to improve his architecture (not to mention more inspiration and a million other things he could learn). really what better way to learn about such things than the land of geo?
also thinking about how zhongli would still be the geo archon and is still working as a consultant and that is how he ends up being kaveh's guide through the chasm and the rest of liyue
they get along extremely well, which taking turns going on deep tangents about whatever subject comes about while the other listens and attentively (and in kaveh's case when the subject is very particular, taking frantic notes)
during this trip, kaveh was extremely worried about his expenses and made sure to budget everything as this was not a cheap journey but he figured that it would be worth it all in the end
and zhongli was extremely observant, he had noticed this and it he finally understands one night when after dinner (paid by zhongli) kaveh got drunk and spilled his heart out to the man it was so easy to talk to him for some reason
this made zhonglis heart stirr even more at this point, he'd already been captivated by the architects sunny personality and deep heart so this made him come to a decision: he'd look out for kaveh
and so during the rest of the trip, he made sure to pay for everything leaving the younger man quite flustered and whenever he noticed the architect looking at something with an interested look he didn't hesitate to get him whatever it was
#listen what im saying here is sugar daddy zhongli okay? okay! glad we got this down#i just want kaveh to be cared for and loved and spoiled#and since kaveh and zhongli live in my head rent free i had to smash them together for my own personal reasons#said personal reasons is that it makes me happy#my other draft was getting stupidly long and somehow turning into a fic so i need you all to understand that i need to scream about this#im going to turn this into a fic its gonna happen in the near future believe me#as much as i crave validation i just know this is gonna be stupidly specfic to get any but im happy with my choices#genshin impact#kaveh#zhongli#kavli#zhongveh#i have no idea what to call this but i like zhongveh#mine.
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yk it's f*cked when IKON and B.I end up back on the same stage for the first time in years in Thailand i'm watching the videos and everything on Hanbin's face as he watched them come in........ the way he was still watching them while they were speaking......... God. i didn't need that in my life
#ikon#b.i#kim hanbin#hanbin#b.i ikon#f*ck YG. f*ck them fr#i keep telling myself i refuse to talk about fandom f*ckery when it comes to Hanbin and his post-IKON era but you could tell#he didn't know what to do with his hands#even when he was answering questions he looked drained like i'm sure he knew it wasn't going to be easy but f*ck. f*ck i can't#do this anymore nope i'm sorry#begging at this point ik it's either OT7 or nothing but pls. we're not at the point i see a proper reunion happening any time in the#near future don't do this to me again
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The funniest part was the double down after deleting the reblog. The double down that was both preceded and followed by ‘i make rage bait content’. And I bet money they’re gonna be like ‘ooooh im so mysterious’ which they already kinda did in the tag and it’s like no u can’t choose if ur gonna say this with ur chest or not and u think acting sillay for saying women choose to be abused bc men can’t control themselves is feminist is gonna somehow make that less misogynistic
#this reminds me of like. Blair white mentality#except u wanna pretend this is too rad for ppl to understand#like no we get it that’s literally the shit we’ve been walking away from for decades#oh back to the og post I thought we all hated political lesbianism but whatever#also the whole mentality of telling women why their abuse is their fault comes from superiority and fear#like you think it’ll never happen to you and you can lord it over others that u made the right choice#ur nice tho right? so as long as they make the same choice they too will be safe#the fact that they’re NOT making the right choice is infuriating. you can’t control men or guide them they can’t grow#no You’re not scared you’re being realistic#men will never change so women have to and the women who don’t#the women who refuse to be celibate and get into abusive relationships. well they’re just sticking their hands in the shredder right#the machine created to do nothing but tear and maim#that’s what a man is and you’d never get near one of those so you’re safe and smart and you want other women to be safe and smart too#you care about them thats why you need to tell them how stupid they are for loving a machine#this is progressive and will lead to a better future and has 0 impact on how you view gnc ppl who don’t fit ur worldview at all#its sad like fr free u my heart
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ah shit I wanna go on the swings now
#v e s t i b u l a r s t i m u l a t i o n n e e d e d#tho probably a bad idea considering i have had to be horizontal or nearly horizontal all day#i gotta try and figure out how im gonna go get my meds refilled without falling over or panicking#after i get them i want to find swings#musts for my future house: swing set and a pool or near a public pool with private lane hrs#and at least 2 full bathrooms none of that there is technically a shower shit#i want at least 2 bathrooms with tubs and showers in it big enough to sit comfortably!#i dont need much space to sit comfortably in a shower or tub. and 2 are needed!!#rambling af#inknow thats what it is bc i have run out of my meds like 4 times in the last 4 months now#because stupid medical office administration bs#at least i KNOW whats happening this time so its manageable#but i hate how dizzy and spacey and weird it makes me feel
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no no i'm not thinking about varian again, not at all
#i miss my king#i have recently had thoughts on how he could come back without changing anything that's happened since legion#part of me wants to play with it#as much as i want to play with the idea that shey's probably near or is already immortal at this point because pelagos is her soulbind#who knows how that would affect her with him being the arbiter now. not me but i can play with some theories at least#on one hand that would mean she'd have to lose varian a second time if he came back#but not to mention what would i do with my original post legion ship with aethas tho they're just fwb atm#but i had wanted to develop them more and i still do#but you wouldn't even guess that i'm a terrible influence to myself and have been going 'haha but what if' with sabellian but not for atm#that's more a 'what if' for the far future like post wow ending far. like centuries far. they're just friends right now and for a while yet#hmmmm so many choices to make and i just want her to be happy#i say as i'm plotting things that could absolutely lead to so much heartache for her. sorry man#downside to being my main blorbo i suppose get a lot of development but also a lot of pain
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Ironside's companions all joined her for different reasons:
Subodai: Her first mate, and the first one to believe in her. I have no doubt he saw her ups and downs in that brig, and he knew there was something special about her. He won't leave her side. (Found family Mentor/Father acquired!)
Bonnie Anne/Sarah Steele: Both in the same boat. Avery sent Ironside to help them, so they tagged along. Then they found themselves actually enjoying their time w/ Ironside and decided to stick around.
Fan Flanders: Assumed that Ironside's ship would be small and discreet enough to hide from the law on. Then she got caught up in the hijinks, and she loves hijinks, so obviously she stays for the thrill!
Dead Mike: Obviously, he was one of her parents crewmembers. He's never gonna let her out of his sight again, or lose her like he did her parents. (Uncle acquired!)
Old Scratch/Ratbeard: Gods, they assumed she was going to be an easy fight. Sone frail little wannabe captain who's turn tail and run. She did nothing of the sort. She fought them into submission, and they had no choice but to surrender. The longer they're around, the more they realize just how hard it is for her to be a strong captain, so they stand behind her and bolster her where they can.
Felipe De Riveral: ??? Dunno really. Same vibes as the last two, but he misses how much she struggles sometimes. He'll sing her praises anyday though, and he loves being on her crew. She and Subodai are both pretty quiet, so I imagine he speaks up w/o hesitation when Ironside is trying to articulate something she cant.
#light's spot#p101#Silent Ryan Ironside#i'm gonna keep this as a log for her crew for future reference!#and I think like...#Subodai and Mike are the only 2 on the crew who know about what happened in the past#so Ironside is constantly worried about a mutiny with her new crew#she tries to be honest and loyal#but I think some days she'd lock her cabin tight and sleep with her blades in-hand at night#one off-scentence from Ratbeard or a weird look from Flanders wi#would have her nervous for a week or so#Subodai and Mike are the only ones who can ever really comfort her too (sometimes Steele can-) because they've proven their loyalty#Subodai with every day standing by her side#and Mike with his life trying to protect her parents#so every betrayal she's faced with like Lasko and the other's deaths via Ratbeard or the Monkeys sending her to her death#it wears at her bit by bit#and the Armada are their own can of worms.#she wants to dismantle every single one of them#but she's deathly afraid of them too and refuses to go near without her stealth abilities#just... so much lore for this pirate smh
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Only the veteran survivors of the Battle Beneath the Crescent are aware of how much Geshu Lin's death affected Jiyan. Even fewer actually the truest extent of this and why.
#hc; jiyan#//he himself is rather frustrated at his own lingering attachment to the man. Bc really; he SHOULDN'T be#//It wasn't as though he and the man ever really saw eye-to-eye in life; their core ideals the furthest thing from each other#//It wasn't as though the man's stubbornness & ruthless strategies didn't make his blood BOIL more often than not; as solider & medic#//It wasn't as though the man would have EVER looked at him the same way Jiyan did to him#//Be it due to the power imbalance b/w General & combat medic or the near decade & a half yrs between them; or the fact that GL's eyes were#only ever on the battlefield ahead; fighting for a future he & everyone else around him damn well knew he would never live to see#//Jiyan knew it was hopeless the moment he'd realized how he felt; the foolish little bloom of first love amid resentment & frustration#//& yet even three years later; Jiyan can't help but CLING to those phantoms of him; those of the Retroact Rain & within his own memories#//He yet clings to the way the man had always seemed to shine; like the full moon on a cloudy night. Of the first sight he ever had of him#when he'd been assigned to the man's service; the cold determination glinting in his eyes; sharp as a blade and just as merciless#//He clings to the Respect he had for him; for his quick choices in battle; seemingly unwavering resolve; the power he possessed to protect#& destroy with chilling ease–things Jiyan himself wished he could have. He desperately strove to be exactly like him; sans the way he would#endanger his own men for the sake o victory. That; Jiyan would never forgive & never let the man forget it. & was most definitely annoyed#to hell & back when he'd get brushed or even laughed off times he dared step out of line & call it out; to the horror of other soldiers#//It felt as if GL acknowledged & willingly accepted his vitriol with open arms. Was it a challenge or self-punishment? Jiyan never knew#//All he knew is it always made even more upset; and prompted more clashes between the two on their ideals. A selfish part of him liked to#believe these arguments helped distract GL from the horrors of war; a twisted solace amid it all. It did.does help ease the sting a bit#//At first; he confided in folks like Ningwei or trusted older soldiers about those sightings; how shaken they left him; how guilty he felt#in wanting to see MORE of them; so tempted to try and talk to them; rather than fight or ignore them like he'd supposed to#//But w their increasing concern & gentle attempts to get him to step back or even suggest stepping down as General; he's clammed up tight#//Now no one but him & the phantoms know how frequent & intense the sighting get; as far as anyone knows; he hasn't seen any of GL in 2yrs#//Meanwhile; Jiyan is fightin for his life & sanity; feeling his heart break over & over again each time he bears the brunt of harsh words#over his intentions & strategies; his soft heart unwilling to sacrifice his men for victory. Of just SEEING him & that steely gaze again#//At times; Jiyans wonders what would happen if he gave into selfishness & tried to act on his longing upon these phantoms#//Would they disappear? Reject him? Accept him? Would he stop being so haunted by him with the closure it could bring?#//But he's terrified of any and every possibility. And most of all; he's disgusted in himself for daring to sully the memory of his General#with such thoughts and desires. It's a disservice & insult to him; wanting to use what's left of his presence in this world like that#//& yet Jiyan can't bring himself to let go of it. If this is all he has of him now; how can he bear to let him go? To let him be FORGOTTEN#//He really can't. No matter how much it hurts him to do so; in every sense of the word
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Sometimes Barbies had complicated outfits. And sometimes it was easier to pop of Jessica's head when she wanted to wear Brittany's outfit. My mom had a talk with us when she found a box of Barbie bodies in the toy chest and the heads in their own box. LISTEN! After you've been body swapping for several months they don't stay on so well anymore! Also the only Ken I had was from a Mcdonalds' Happy meal, so in Toy Story world his life was basically that Amazon women episode from Futurama.
...why was it so hard to get a full size Ken? I'd ask for one and just get more Barbies. This only put more pressure on my knee-tall sized Ken already struggling to do his best to please 20 plus giant women.
the thing I love about the barbie movie hype is that it’s revealing how people played with barbies when they were a kid. I only had Barbies so typically I chose the lesbian affairs and murder plotting route, but if I was at a friend’s house and they had a Ken, I’d often go bisexual marital troubles. hey sound off how you played with your barbies I’m curious now
#barbie#ken#amazon women#unusual playdate#I guess#There were other talks with my parents where my treatment of Barbies made them concerned I was a future serial killer#Being an artist trying to learn to make toys by starting with doll mods since I had over 40 near identical dolls at that point#and wanted to make them more unique by painting new eyes#(WHY DID YOU USE NAIL POLISH REMOVER ON THEIR FACES! THAT'S TERRIFYING!)#or removing one's lower torso to replace it with a naga tail#(WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?! WHY ARE YOU DISMEMBERING THE DOLL LIKE A SERIAL KILLER?! THAT'S SICK! NO! DON'T TRY TO EXPLAIN!)#or shaving down several's arms to toothpicks to sculpt over making em look like magical girl animal themed gloves for characters I created#(STOP MUTILATING YOUR DOLLS! I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT! I DON'T CARE! THIS IS SICK! NOW THROW THEM AWAY AND DON'T EVER DO THIS AGAIN!)#Hiding them because I knew mid process they looked kind of scary didn't work they always got found#So I eventually gave up#until years later in a college class where an actual toy creator guided me on making my own models with articulating endoskeletons#They weren't too bad#Though seeing the amazing things other people do#Especially the toy mods people do on youtube/online it makes me sad how many times I was punished and stopped#prevented from learning and improving my skills#I kind of wonder if things had gone differently I might be a toy creator#As I still do make characters now#Though now I sculpt them in 3D#And animate them#The thought of modding dolls ever again even though I still think it'd be cool to transform them into my own characters#Makes me uncomfortable at best#And I'm busy with other projects#So that will probably never happen at this point#Love your kids Encourage your Kids and when they do things you don't understand even if it is scary or strange#LISTEN TO THEM
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