#but at the same time this was clearly symbolic of all my classmates and just the idea of having peers whod talk to me

[playingonedchess]

what the fuck why on earth did i come up with that

[mrs-apocalypse]

Vegas for the character ask thingy? Latest chapter of Trolley Problem absolutely shattered my heart 🥺🥺

Hi!!! First, I will not lie, my intention when writing this fic is always to cause pain to my readers. I enjoy making everyone feel the same gut-wrenching desire I do for these boys and a happy ending.

Onto the character ask, AHHHHHHHHHHHH! Okay, so:

How I Feel About this Character:

AHHHHHHHHHHHHH! So, while I look at Pete and see the perfect vessel for all the sour, rotten feelings that people experience about life (much of those feelings being strangely in tune with how I felt as an emo fifteen year old), Vegas is who I believe to be a perfect symbol for all the physically grotesque aspects of being human, something I personally feel really close to. At the risk of scaring everyone, I grew up being called a freak by all my classmates. I'm into bugs and monsters and horror (supernatural and real), I collect embalmed animals and bones that I find in the woods, and nothing sounds more romantic to me than being handed a piece of jewelry with a human tooth (I know, I know). The point is, I love him desperately because he symbolizes all the darker aspect of humanity that are villainized when there is so clearly romanticism hidden inside them. (Idk maybe I just have a very gothic view of love).

In addition, I love the unknown depths of his character. We know who he is, and we somewhat know why, but not really. We know his father hits him, but nothing more than a slap (Has he ever experienced anything worse?) He solves every problem with sex. (Why? Is there a reason? Was he raised to believe his body is the best way to seal a deal?) How did his mother's death affect him? There is so much we suspect, but don't know for sure. He is a well of questions and quirks that are off putting and captivating all in one! UGH, I love to pick his brain and figure out how each and every action of his can be traced back to a certain experience (He makes me feel like a forensic profiler lol).

All the People I ship romantically this character with:

Pete. No one else.

I know a lot of people can see Vegas with Porsche, but truthfully, I can't think of any world where Vegas would pick anyone over Pete. Even in the show, you can see just how forced his feelings are with everyone outside of Pete. Pete is the only one we know of who has seen the vulnerable, humiliating parts of Vegas; Vegas has been flayed open for him. Vegas doesn't need to explain himself because Pete has seen the reason for why he is what he is. And, most importantly, Vegas does not need to force his own. vulnerability (something humiliating for a Theerapanyakul to do) because Pete sees it without any help, meaning Vegas can seek him for comfort without having to explain why. Pete just knows. They understand each other on levels that I think no other person ever has, and that is why they only see each other. God, I love them.

My Non-Romantic OTP for this character:

This is going to sound very strange, but Nop. Maybe that's because I've invented my own version of Top for Game Theory, but I personally like to think that this guard who has seen him through Pete, and has stayed with him for so long, would know him in a way that after the walls have fallen in the end of season 1, would leave them open to a friendship. I could see him remaining his guard after Vegas' fall from grace, first to protect him, and then because Vegas has made extra for dinner and 'Just stay, Nop. It's not a big deal." leads to "Pete's gone out with his friends. Wanna have a drink with me?" to "Nop, we've got to get you a partner. You're spending way too much time in this house." (I have a bad habit of falling in love with my interpretations of small, nearly nonexistent characters.

I also see Vegas becoming good friends with Tay in a world where he eventually wises up and leaves Time. They have so much in common with their gossiping and cattiness. I think they'd enjoy each other's company a lot. Pete comes home from drinking with Porsche, Tankhun, Arm, and Pol to find Tay and Vegas drinking wine and whispering about what who their wealthy peers are fucking in private.

ANYWAYS, give Vegas some fucking friends, dammit!

My Unpopular Opinion about this Character:

I DON'T KNOW WHY MY UNPOPULAR OPINIONS ALWAYS INVOLVE PORSCHE I'M SORRY but I just don't think Vegas was ever interested in him. I think people give Porsche too much credit. I think people often believe that he eventually got to a point where he actually liked him, but no, I'm sorry. I've watched the entire series over 10 times and every time they talk, it feels so forced by Vegas. The motorcycle ride, the flowers in the hospital, the party and bathroom scene,,, nothing about that felt nearly as authentic as after Vegas fell in love with Pete and helped Porsche find his uncle. That was the only time I felt like these two's emotions were both honest. So yeah, I just don't think he likes him near as much as a lot of the fandom thinks.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character:

LET HIM HAVE THE FUCKING RING, DAMMIT. Listen, Porsche would be shit at running the family. I'm sorry, there is no real world where the man who struggled beating a man who fed secrets to a competitor would willingly run the enterprises of a family that deals in drugs and sex. I know we love Vegas, I know he's our poor little meowfioso, but he is cruel. His circle of caring is small, and it does not include the victims of the industries that family most probably deals in. If Korn's goal is to ruin his own family, then putting Porsche in charge was a great idea. If he wants actual profit, give it back to my baby!

Anyways, those are my opinions. Please remember they are OPINIONS and I totally do not expect everyone to agree with me. I just enjoy ranting :)

[theamityelf]

So I saw your danganronpa hunger games au and I’m thinking how would makoto and Mukuro alliance start as well as how makoto saves her also I personally would like makoto to have killed at least two people also maybe everyone reaction to makoto and mukuro and would they be advertised as lovers or would junko step in and steal makoto for herself for ruining her game

That's a great question. Thank you for asking.

(Here's the Masterlist to all my Danganronpa Crossover AU's.)

(There's no graceful place for me to mention this in the post itself, but just for continuity with my previous posts, Junko is still a Caesar Flickerman figure in this AU and still Mukuro's sister, which they're both aware of. This could make the interviews interesting, but this post isn't going to go into it; we're focusing on the Makoto-Mukuro plot.)

So, Mukuro and Makoto are victors in the same year.

She's from 2, he's from...I'm going to say 8. The textiles district. (Not one of the wealthier or favored ones.) Him being associated with sewing is cool, since it can be treated as a symbolic reflection of how he's uniting the Districts. (Also, District 8 is very industrial and doesn't have much nature, so he gets to be awestruck by nature when he does see it.)

They meet in the Training Center.

She isolates herself from the other Careers, because she's read the situation well enough to know that they will kill her first once it comes time for the alliance to break. She can protect herself, so she just decides to do that. She keeps to herself in the Training Center, but Makoto is kind to her in a way she isn't used to.

She trains in the survival tasks, like starting a fire and filtering water (since she doesn't need weapon training), and often he's the only one there when she does. He passes her the training materials like he doesn't know they're enemies.

"I'm not going to be your ally," she says preemptively. Even if she wanted allies, he is clearly the only one who would benefit in that arrangement. What can this shrimp protect her from? What sponsors will he attract? He's not even all that good at filtering water.

"Oh, that's fine," he replies. "I'd...honestly rather not think about that stuff right now anyway. We can just look at it like we're classmates, right? We're learning together. It's like school, for now. That's...how I'm trying to think about it, anyway. Maybe that's kind of..."

"Does pretending you're in a different situation help you sleep at night?"

"I don't think I'm pretending. I don't forget what's going to happen. I just...try to remember that everyone here would rather not be."

"That's naive. They'll cheer when they kill you."

"If they could decide between being here and being at home, I think this room would be empty."

"What difference does that make?"

"I don't know. For me, it just...does."

He's nice. He seems like a nice kid. Which is why he'll die. Too nice. Mukuro isn't nice. She's awful enough to survive. She tries to put him out of her mind, but his friendly smile keeps invading her thoughts. Even making her blush.

Her determination to win doesn't know what to do with this feeling. The best she can do is hope that he dies painlessly. A slit throat, a quick shot through the eye. Hopefully on the first day, so he won't have time to lose that sunny outlook.

It crosses her mind that it might be her responsibility to kill him. If she doesn't kill him at the Cornucopia, he could die in any number of horrible, painful ways. (Try to drink from an acid river and burn from the inside out. Infected wound. Hunger. Thirst.) It would be a waste of time, for her; killing him would leave her vulnerable to attack from one of the actual threats. But she feels like it might be worth it. Giving him a kind death might help her to live with herself, once everything is over. She can imagine they're still friends, that her mercy has repaid his smiles...

She would have gone through with it. In the arena, as soon as the Games start, she gets her hands on a set of throwing knives and a spear. She sees him at the other side of the clearing. He's gotten his hands on a water canteen. He looks like a frightened little rabbit.

Her throat feels tight all of a sudden.

But she throws her knife.

It would have killed him instantly, but suddenly someone grapples with him for his canteen, and the blade misses him. He's able to get away, and Mukuro has to focus on the real threats, now.

She feels a weird mix of shame and relief.

It's days later next time she sees him. (Each night, she's surprised not to see his face in the sky, announcing his death. He must have found a great hiding place.)

She's been keeping to herself, killing whoever crosses her path, staying alive. She plans to avoid the Careers until they've started turning on each other, unless she can find a way to catch them unawares.

(I just deleted a couple of paragraphs because I had introduced a plot element and then wasn't sure whether it made things Too Emotionally Complicated, so maybe it'll come back later, but for now I'm just going to keep going with the vague statement that other stuff happens between the previous paragraph and the next.)

Eventually, Mukuro does run afoul of the other Careers. She gets injured but escapes with her life. She seeks refuge in a cave, and by the time she notices that someone else's stuff is already there, she's sitting down and can't get back up without aggravating her injuries and possibly passing out.

Makoto returns to the cave (because it was his stuff left there, because it's been his spot for a while now). He has weapons, and Mukuro is almost unconscious at that point, but he doesn't kill her. He just sits on the opposite side of the cave. He's eating his food when Mukuro loses consciousness. When she wakes up, he's left some food near her and he's sleeping, himself.

She doesn't eat the food. Either it's poison or it's a debt she doesn't need. Instead, she rifles through his bag and finds bandages and medicine. Which means either that this guy actually has sponsors somehow, or he got the supplies off a corpse. Has he killed?

Mukuro tries to imagine it, while she bandages up her injuries. Strangely, the thought of him dirtying his hands doesn't taint her image of him. The tribute who smiled at her, who pretended they were classmates, who dared to sleep four feet away from her in the middle of the Games as if he had any reason to believe his mercy would be returned in kind...

She wants to know if he's killed. Who. How many. Under what circumstances. Did it upset him? Did he celebrate?

Curiosity is so, so much more dangerous than fondness. Fondness can be channeled into killing, if the right justification is found. Curiosity?

Makoto's eyes open, and he startles back, bumping his head against the wall of the cave, at the sight of Mukuro sitting right next to him, watching him sleep.

(This isn't one of my yandere posts, I promise.)

"Sorry," she says, blushing. "I...thought you might have stopped breathing." The lie sounds not the slightest bit convincing, but fortunately he seems to be distracted from the fact that she was watching him sleep...by the fact that she stole medicine and bandages from his bag.

He doesn't look angry about it. When his gaze lands on her treated injuries, he merely says, "You look a lot better than before."

"Thank you," she says, like he's actually complimenting her looks and not just politely observing that she stole his supplies.

"I'm glad you made it this long. I was...checking the sky for you."

She blushes bright red. "You were? I mean, I...I was surprised you hadn't been killed yet."

And she's back to thinking that maybe the kindest thing she can do for him is kill him quickly, but instead the conversation keeps going, and eventually she has him eat the food he left for her, meaning she discovers it wasn't poisoned.

And that's basically the start of the alliance.

Unlike in The Hunger Games, their mentors are not going to try to play the star-crossed lovers card at all; inter-District solidarity is way too taboo. The shipping happens despite the mentors trying to treat their connection as purely pragmatic.

And honestly, Junko might be a major force in pushing the romance, because like I said, she is so bored with the Hunger Games.

[puella-1n-somn10]

Sophocles; the Miracle Child of Melemele

Total word count: 2,096

This was supposed to be a brief analysis post regarding his parents alone, but, admittedly, I got carried away whilst writing all this down. Sincere apologies for those waiting on the Meguca!Penny megapost and analysis of the families present within the Sun and Moon anime; I will do my absolute best to bring both of them on the table as soon as I am able to. This has been, let's say, a fun little writing exercise that got way out of hand- but I am happy to confess that I did have my fun writing it all down, and do hope that you guys also enjoy what I have brought in- consider it a sort of a snack made to prepare you all for the next meal!

So, starting from the very top, I have noticed that a couple of the parents' designs within the SM season of PokeAni do correlate with some NPC models present in-game for quite some time now; specifically with Abe/Mallow's father and Sophocles' parents. In the former's case, he's clearly based on the chef class; just slightly tweaked and redesigned to make him resemble his two kids, which was surprisingly effective enough to give us a simple yet unique design that helps him stand out. Meanwhile, with the latter, they're based on the madame and gentleman classes respectively- down to the minute detail of both the father and said gentleman class possessing a grey watch on both of their left arms.

It really isn't a surprise seeing how these inspirations work in their favors not just design-wise, but also within the narrative; Abe is already present in the games donning the exact same NPC model, and it has been all but outright confirmed to us that Sophocles' family is of high societal status - with both Molayne operating Hokulani Observatory and the father being the VP of the tourism board -. These designs and their inspirations help them fit in to their roles seamlessly and perfectly; giving the impressions of who they are to the viewer and their respective without the need to state their purposes to us outright.

What caught my eye for quite some time, though, is that it does appear to us that Soffy's folks are quite, let's say, quite old when compared to the other parents present within the show; not just in appearance, but it's also clear to us through their mannerisms - with the both of them having this polite, old-timey, and jolly vibe they tend to carry wherever they went -. A rather innocuous detail to fuss over, but it is one that would throw a wrench at whatever timeline one might be working on once you take Sophocles himself into account; how he appears to be so young, especially with the rest of his classmates already being in their early teens and himself being at least 11 years of age in comparison.

While I could see that the writers didn't really think too hard on it, I personally believe that this little detail right here might provide more insight into Sophocles' upbringing and why his old folks are doing their damned best to provide for and help nurture him in the best way they could. As a matter of fact, I have half a mind to say that, alongside Kiawe's and Lana's families, Sophocles' might be one the healthiest family dynamics we have seen throughout the Sun and Moon seasons of the anime, and, by golly, I am really excited to explore their interactions and the core reason behind it all in as much detail as I could.

After pondering on the topic for a while, I've managed to muster up two little theories that might help bring everything together and provide more insight into Sophocles and his folks as their own characters. Bear in mind that, aside from the analysis of certain context queues and symbolic references, neither of the following proposals are anywhere near canon; they're merely nothing but my own 11 AM ramblings on a Sunday, but it is fun to speculate and place those three goobers under a microscope! These are simply my interpretations of the events that have lead up to the present day and the characters we are currently discussing, and if you guys have other proposals behind this you want to share, I highly encourage you to do so! We are here to inspect these characters through various lenses and perspectives, so the more interpretations, the better!

The first, and most possible, reason behind all this is that the two met during later stages of their lives; the both of them already having more than enough experience to not just create a healthy relationship between one another, but also grant their eventual future child a prosperous and loving home life where he could grow up into a promising young man- with his own skills and experiences evolving with him in-tow. This scenario would not only paint the both of them in a wiser light than what we've seen throughout their appearances within the episodes they're present in, but it also boosts speculation on who they are before they both met and eventually had their kid; what sort of achievements they have personally accomplished, what they've gone through to become the people they currently are, the circumstances of their own upbringings to begin with- all of these and more are essential building blocks to a person's overall character and how they view the world. After all, though they have their similarities, the differences between the two are almost night and day- and I hope I could bring said key differences to light soon! They, alongside the other parents of the main cast, deserve an analysis post of their own, and I hope I could share my speculations and findings with you all soon enough!

The second possibility, though, teeters more on the speculative and even symbolic angle, but still manages to fit like a well-placed jigsaw piece on a puzzle board. I should give you all the heads-up, though- it's best that you take a good look at the trigger warnings present within the tags before proceeding here; if what we're about to discuss is triggering to you in any way, shape, or form, click away now for the sake of your own health. I apologize for the inconvenience, but, once more, one must place the health of the reader in a higher regards over their creative projects. Please be safe, darlings.

What I am about to suggest next is that...in gentler terms, Sophocles was the child they have managed to conceive after such a stretch of time- after countless trials and tribulations. The toll of trying and failing to conceive throughout the years may have managed to take its toll on the both of them, but now look- the duo have finally managed to bring forth their little miracle into existence. They have given their all so that they could have their sweet little child in their arms, and now he's here; happy, healthy, and breathing.

This is a...rather grim scenario, but it's also one that makes a shocking amount of sense; after all, Sophocles is usually associated with either of the two symbols within the overarching story- lightning (which is to be expected, as he is an electric type specialist) and stars; the latter of which being a common symbol of wishes, especially when in the form of meteors. Heck, when you look at him back when he was a toddler as shown in the episode "Showering the World with Love", you can even tell that his hair at the time looked like a star!

Speaking of, within that same episode, we were also presented with the life cycle of the meteor pokemon, Minior; a species that is destined to one day make an impact on the earth's surface, live out the rest of their brief lives amongst its inhabitants, and float back to the skies as they dissipate into fine particles- marking the end and new beginning of their species' life cycle. It is in that episode where Sophocles had his first encounter with loss, and, according to some, might be where he tackles the root cause of his scotophobia; witnessing a friend he's managed to make at such a young age at the time fade in to the dark with no promise of return- dissipating into the vast nothingness of space peacefully and without a care in the world, for they have long come to terms with their destinies. There was nothing he could have done to change or prevent this, as this was one of the many set rules of nature, if not existence itself.

Once more, I have to repeat myself and state that the possibility of Sophocles being a couple's only success at making their own bundle of joy is shockingly dark- and I wouldn't even blame you for believing that this is way too much for Pokemon to ever portray. However, one most also remember that the topic of grief, as we've already discussed just now, is no stranger to the Pokemon anime, especially within the Sun and Moon seasons. As a matter of fact, one of the many overarching themes present with this set of seasons is, in fact, grief- it is this state of mind and deep sense of sorrow that drives a majority of our characters, whether that's been made obvious to us or not, and it is within these seasons that we learn of the many ways one might handle or even tackle the impact of sudden loss.

Besides, in complete contrast to our first proposal, it is also implied that both his mother and father have been a thing for quite the stretch of time now; from their choice of words and language in the EN dub, to them addressing one another via affectionate nicknames such as "love" and "dear". All that, and that's on top of the father being completely smitten with his wife; taking every opportunity to give her praises all while blushing like mad whenever she compliments him. To me, that's a couple that went through thick and thin via healthy communication, and are cooperating with one another to ensure that they manage to live their lives harmoniously.

"Hang on, didn't he also have an implied celebrity crush on Kahili?" Yeah, well Burnet also had one towards the Masked Royal before she knew he was Kukui- it's ok to find some people attractive or generally good-looking, just don't go out and form romantic relations without the awareness of your partner and cheat on them. :/

All in all- though these scenarios were born from mere speculation, they still stand as a testament to how well these three are written, and how the way they interact with one another grants leeway for fan interpretations and conjectures. While I am bummed by how we didn't get any more of their dynamic in the canon of the anime, I don't think it's time to close the book on them just yet; after all, if Kiawe's grandfather was canonized by the games - specifically in Pokemon Masters EX - years after he made his debut in the anime, then there might be hope for other anime-only characters later down the line.

Personally, I am hoping that they grant us more content in regards to Sophocles' old folks, and the reason behind this is mostly due to the similarities our child of the starts has with none other than Team Galactic's leader, Cyrus. They may share similar strengths, skills, and struggles- heck, it isn't hard to see that, once upon a time, Cyrus may have been in a similar spot as Sophocles back when he was a child, but, in the end, it is their respective upbringings that have molded them into who they currently are; a child who wishes to explore the stars with his partner pokemon, and a man who sought to destroy the entirety of existence by reweaving the fabrics of space-time so that he could rebuild it all in his own image.

To a select few, Sophocles was their little blessing; a bright and peculiar little child, indeed. To those few, he deserved to live his life in harmony and peace- with the opportunity to continue growing and honing his skills in a healthy environment. To those few...I can only hope that they are now glad with all their hearts; he has, indeed, become a talented young man with oh-so much just ahead of him.

Stand proud, Sophocles.

Stand proud...our dearest bundle of happiness, pride, and joy...

[kawaii-mxllow]

ᯤ     𓈒     vent pt. 1   🍬   ᰋ      ݁      ੭

(symbol not mine)

soo there’s this person whose very existence has been bothering me for a long while

doubt anyone would find this (which is a good thing) but anyway for privacy reasons we’ll call her kaida, no offense to those who have that name of course

my childhood memory

kaida has been my classmate since kindergarten. i was sensitive and shy, and cried a lot so i doubt i had many friends which wasn’t much of an issue since i preferred being alone anyway, i didn’t quite stand up for myself at that time lmao. but for a 3 yo kid, kaida was a fucking cunt and a bully to those around of her (fun fact: i asked a younger student and apparently she stole candy from him?!?!?)

from what i remember, i avoided kaida as much as i could, though we were on the same school bus and she kept talking to her friend (forgot her name)

i don’t remember much about her since we didn’t interact much, but one of the most vivid memories were her telling me to sit with her and she gave me a piece of candy, but then we barely talked (this memory was so unforgettable to the point i remember what we talked about)

talk about lunchbox friends. /ref

the other memory of her was her calling me an idiot, which is pretty vulgar in our language especially for 5 yos. i don’t remember how i reacted, but i’m pretty sure i looked away and probably was close to crying. i’m pretty sure i took whatever she said to heart

current

before substitute

this section is the present, or mainly things kaida did not too long ago

after years of not interacting, kaida got assigned to my class and boy was it a fucking disaster. the first week, i kept hoping ‘she probably changed!’ or ‘maybe she’s more mature now?’ turns out, that never happened. growth happened, but that didn’t make her nicer or more mature - it made her worse.

for the whole year, i’ve been struggling with mental health and kaida being in my class made it worse since we were stuck with basically the same people for the school year. (sucks to be in my country i guess LMAO)

the first semester kicked off pretty well, i socialized with people and met new friends. i was praying i could avoid kaida since she was already stirring up trouble occasionally for the first few months. a lot of us kinda agreed that no one liked kaida at all

it genuinely wasn’t so bad until i got assigned to her group for activity class, basically we get parted into groups of 4-5 people and went to different activity rooms and such. as i recalled, we had a debate class for our activity and she made me cry a lot

i know it sounds super lame, but i’m just really touchy and she made me feel so bad, like i was trying to ask the teacher to turn off the air con and she straight up made me feel like what i asked was unreasonable??

anyway, she kept doing all these yoga ass positions and it was pretty distracting and irritating tbh, i hated snitching but had to after a bit. kind of regretted sitting behind her and my group members and i had to find all these weird ways to avoid kaida in the next bunch of activity lessons.

substitute arrival

oh boy, here comes the substitute - where everything terrible happens. again for privacy reasons i’ll be calling her ms c and she was also a little asshole

kaida felt bitchy and kept dissing the teacher and told on us constantly, so each day ms c shouted at us during class, victimizing herself. genuinely none of us liked it, and kaida clearly hated her scolding sessions too. and yet she kept on telling and telling and doing the shittiest things too herself

it didn’t make much sense either but i’m just really sick of her, i’m so glad she’s not in my class anymore

[bigalockwood]

The way Simon closes his eyes in the first gif always gets to me. Everyone who says his love for Wille isn’t equally big should rewatch the scene. He’s so clearly trying to keep it together and not show how sad and desperate he feels. The way his arms come up to squeeze him tighter feels very “I don’t want to let you go but I know that if I don’t, I’ll be dismissing my own rights and boundaries and I can’t do that” to me. If he’d been any less strong Simon would’ve carved right then and there and said to Wille that he’d be willing to be in a secret relationship.

And then in the second scene their hug is so much more tender. The first one screams of desperation- Wille clinging on because he knows he’s losing Simon, Simon clinging o because he has to stay strong and say goodbye- but in the second one, although they have just agreed to a secret relationship, they seem like they don’t care much about the possibility of being seen. Which actually isn’t all that low! They are in a school corridor, literally right next to their classmates. If someone had shuffled a few feet closer to the door, they would’ve seen it all. But they aren’t clutching each other. They’ve accepted their current situation and are willing to move forward as a secret. And Wille opens his eyes, rather than closing them when going in for the hug. Maybe I’m going to far with my interpretation but Simon closes his eyes as their relationship is ending and Wille opens his when their relationship is starting. Seems very symbolic to me. It’s imo also another parallel that can be drawn between two scenes where the situation is somewhat similar but at the same time, everything has changed so it’s almost reversed.

(I’m also still not over Willes speech and their shared very not so secret smiles int the third gif but that’s a different topic).

(Also great addition by @emberc !!!)

Prince Wilhelm & Simon Eriksson Young Royals 1.06 | 2.06

[the-kindle-pile]

[Short Romance Story] The Moon

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction, real people are used as reference but not in anyway representative of anyone or my relations with them.

The song of romance has been well written across time and culture. Lyrical and enchanting, full of melody and melancholia. I've never been able to well experience it. One of the joys and sorrows I've been unceremoniously excluded from. But I will try to explain it from my meager experience. It wasn't much of anything but it wasn't nothing.

If you would know anything of romance, you would know it is not grounded in reality. It is a fleeting charm and beauty, that comes and go. She wasn't as beautiful as you thought she was. He wasn't as handsome and amazing as you thought he was. It is just an illusion but it is the illusion we cling onto. Well-maintained physique will help you keep the illusion, reminding you of the roaring years of your youth. Which is also why love grounded in the physical will erode away. Yet we cannot deny it is the physical that will trigger our neurons. We can call it spiritual, we can call it fate but we cannot deny ourselves that the partial core truth of love is physical.

Yet if love was only purely physical, it would not have permeated through all of media and persisted through time and culture, poems, lyrics and prose. It would not have meaning in art and roses, in gems and stones. It would not exist in other symbols if it was just carnal.

And so, I shall attempt to write it, a story. A story that is just a little bit off the tone of reason. A nostalagia for the disaster that is my unrequited love.

My experience with the opposite sex during my youthful days were limited. I came from a boy school and did not interact with girls until I was in my late teens in Polytechnic. When I first spoke to her it was for a project, yet I did not feel the nervousness that a young boy teen would when he speaks with an attractive counterpart. But rather, I was above all, confused.

You see, even at a young age, I was full of self-doubt and low self-esteem. A clearly attractive girl talking to me with respect and without disgust, surprised me. I didn't have my hair done, I did not dress well, my skin complexion was awful (and still is). To watch and sit right next to her partaking complete, deep conversations with her, felt so satisfying. She was a natural academic. We both studied sociology as our elective but she was in a different field, food science. I wonder how far she got with that.

We had many conversations but she was mainly the one doing the talking, which I loved. She can go on and on about sociology and random little things. About how cute the way hair buns sat upon our classmates heads, about how qauntities of our daily energy was burnt by our brains during studies. And I would just sit there and listen, throwing in a joke or two and she would laugh. Those were simpler days.

Unfortunately for me, she was already with someone else. She never talked about him but not for the lack of love. But simply because they had spent so much time together that they were comfortable with each other. She had something precious and it was something she cherished dearly.

I knew I couldn't give her a better life. I knew I couldn't promise to make her happier. I knew myself too well, to believe that I could treat her better. I knew it wasn't possible.

But I did love her.

I knew the words that would cheer her up when she was sad. I knew the gifts to buy when she was feeling down. I knew the songs she would love when we were just relaxing. Every gift I bought, I took considerations. I care to be thoughtful but not romantic. What she treasured most, I treasured too. I do not dare to say we shared something. But there was something that was drawing us together, our love of the same intangible little things and value of what we considered good in ourselves that were not superficial. She drew me in, like tides to the Moon.

There was a day we were out on an assignment that required us to be out in the field, filling surveys with the public. We were paired up as a team and had to go door to door to have our surveys filled. Me being an extreme introvert, hated the acitivity. I was extremely nervous because I had to interact with strangers and moreover, she was dressed in a basic formal work attire with make up on. And that somehow, was extremely attractive to me. By the end of the day I was wrecked, distracted, tired and barely got anything done.

By the last hour, I was ready to give up. And she said, why not do one last block? But this time as a game between us both. To see which one of us could finish knocking all the doors whether answered or not. And as if the universe was responding to the call, there was unexpectedly another pair of surveyors from another team in the same block. Knowing this, we both sprinted, to race each other and the other team to knock as many doors as we could. We could hear each other talking to the residents as we went down the blocks, gauging each other's progress. Her sweet chiming voice gave me more motivation to move along through doors faster. With a simple suggestion she changed my tone towards the assigment. We had more surveys filled in that apartment block, than any other blocks that day. At the end of the night, we were exhausted but we were happy. We had so much fun and I wonder if it could stay that way. But I knew it couldn't.

At the end, the course didn't worked out for me. She excelled in her's while I struggled in mine. The studies were about people and I do not work well with them. No matter how hard I worked, changed or adapted. I could not achieve what I needed to achieve to follow where she went. Besides, having your significant other work in the same field as you is a terrible idea ( at least that was what I told myself ).

She eventually caught on and had a inkling about my feelings for her. Things became awkward and I withdrew. But we did not drift apart in bad faith. And she did not cut me out of her circle. I could still see her holiday photos of her and her partner and their families on social media. Which is all fine with me, I feel no sorrow, I am happy that she is happy. I feel no regret because I had given what I could give.

She was like the Moon to me and I am the man in the valley. Gazing up at her in the field of many stars. She was the one I felt closest to, despite being so far. She was not my first love and probably not my last. But she might have been the one that is the most enchanting and more radiant than a star.

[sweetdevillydia]

September 3rd, 2023

Dear Diary

Everyone in my class should just die

On God, how the hell did they manage to create a class where everyone in it is a stupid ableist transphobe insufferable idiot? It's a choosen subject yeah, but why only annoying people like what I like? And no-one of them is like me, which is surprising

I'm sociable and nice and pretty and I get along with everyone, it's just with this class that everybody hates me, it's because of my autism of course (and probably cause I'm trans) they think I'm weird and other stuff that alistics think about autistics, they're all so stupide

This week one of the stupid groups (my group is also full of stupid people but whatever) gave a presentation about autism, and they were so wrong that in my last year of school, I had to tell the class that I'm autistic just to prove how stupid and wrong they were, I corrected their stupid presentation and suddenly the whole class was against me in a stupid "debate", they used the puzzle symbol and examples from ableist shows for God's sake, the whole thing was full of misinformation and stereotypes, buuuut I was the wrong one in my classmate's eyes, the teacher listed to me tho, so there's that, she's kiiiiinda supportive you know, she tries

I did that because my classmates were going to hate me more anyway, so it's better to be hated and right, I proved my point probably, they have such huge egos, and their heads are so far up their asses that they probably ignored me but whatever, I know I'm right

Of course, they hate me more now, talk more about me behind my back, and spread rumors about me, I kept my neurodivergence to myself during all of my school years and I know that will spread like wildfire, but there's only more like 4 months of school, so it can't be that bad, can it? I'm tired of trying to be nice and getting people to like me if they're gonna hate me anyway, they're going to pay for it, I hate them, I hate them so much, and I'm tired of pretending I don't, they deserve to feel so much pain, they deserve to pay for all the pain they've caused to me and others, they're so bad to the other autistic boy at my other class, I'm basically the only one that defends him :(

They're so evil, they should be expurged, all of them should be tortured to death, I hate them so much, i want their heads on a stick, they should all be guillotined, especially that stupid bee, I hate that bee so bad, she thinks so high of herself, when in actually she's just pure 4'1 of a pick me annoying basic bitch stupid arrogant and her friends are the same thing with even less personality, they should burn to death

All of the ampar group is annoying and stupid and they all think they're so smart and protagonists of everyone's lives, they're the worse, no personality cunts, they should all drown, and since that stupid bitch thinks is so bad her boobs are soooo uneven (its unnoticeable but she talks about that way too much) it should all be cut off her body no anesthesia >:)

The "girl group" is also so annoying, they're SUPER loud, they SCREAM SO MUCH ALL THE TIME, and for what? They're the worst, dumb and weird and judge too much and it seems the only thing they know how to do is talk shit about others, their personality is being loud, and that stupid traitor, you'd think she'd take my side, but even that stupid ana betrayed me, she was known by being kinda smart but clearly she's not, I hope she doesn't become a doctor like her parents cause she can't fucking listen, they all should be stabbed to death, eyes poked out and everything

Then there are the other people, they're kind of secondary but they're even louder than the girl group, they're dumber and louder, and they're the most transphobic and I hope they all drown and burn and get limbs amputated and get beaten and that it takes months for them to die

And "my" group is just as bad, I wouldn't call them my group cause they ignore me, and even got the new kid to ignore me (the new kid was the one being ignored, but when I tried talking to him suddenly he was soooo part of the group) I just sit with them cause every assignment in that class is a group assignment, 2ish of the 6 members at least pretend to like me, everything went downhill after B left and new people joined, can't blame B for leaving school and blocking everyone from that class, I'll do the same. But anyway, their humor consists of making fun of each other, making fun of Disabilities, and making fun of trans people, yeah they're absolutely disgusting and I hate them

I'm tired of pretending I don't hate them after I tried so badly to make them like, they don't even just not have an opinion of me, they hate me for no reason and so I've started to hate them too, but I won't be silent anymore, I'll tell the teachers, I'll tell everyone about how their beloved students are actually like, karma is gonna get them

And that's why I think all of them should die

(Btw me and S. started talking again but we already stopped cause they committed the same mistake)

[servin-up-surveys]

survey #090

(taken december 15th last year; uploading surveys taken while gone)

Do you like pickles? I do, but only dill. There's another kind that some people use for burgers that is way too sweet.

What does your favorite shirt say about you? Currently, people probably correctly assume that I'm very much an advocate for equality (the shirt says "equal in our bones"), like skulls (features one), and am a supporter of Mark and Sean (Cloak is Markiplier and jacksepticeye's business). I am quite quite sure though that I'm getting a Rammstein shirt for Christmas (my mom is full aware that I am obsessed and it was one of the highest items on my list), and it's probably gonna be my new favorite or tied with the Cloak one, depending on how it fits probably.

Have you ever thought you could do a better job at being president? Than Trump? Yep, and that says A LOT because I hate politics and want NO position in the limelight, but a fucking toddler coulda done better than him. Any other president, no, I don't think so, at least not off the top of my head.

Best field trip experience? 5th grade, to the Asheboro Zoo. At that time they had meerkats and I thought I was going to pass out seeing them for the first (and so far only, sobs) time lmao.

How do you feel when you meet someone with the same music taste as you? It's exciting and I wanna know their favorite bands and songs, lol.

Is there anyone in your life who consistently angers you? My sister's husbands and really her in-laws in general.

If you have a job, who is your least favorite coworker/manager? Unemployed.

Favorite episode of Spongebob? Maaaan that's hard, Spongebob slaps. Maybe the pizza delivery one.

Do you have any silly/odd emotional connections to anything/anyone? The pebble I got for my "graduation" from the partial hospitalization program that changed my life. Everyone who was finishing the program was able to pick one from a jar, and it was meant to symbolize how stones go through such immense stress and pressure to become something shiny and beautiful. My classmates all held it in their hands as they told me goodbye and wished me well. I would break the fuck down if I lost that pebble, I'm seriously starting to tear up just talking about it. It's literally on this desk for me to see.

What bug frightens you most? Murder hornets lmfao. Stag beetles also seriously creep me out, but they look cool.

Are your parents supportive of you? Yes.

When was the last time you cried and why? Earlier today, a little bit. Ma and I drove to Wal-Mart to pick up a grocery order, and we passed by this clearly homeless woman that stays in this shopping center with some stuff in a cart. Mom sees her every time she passes. It is absolutely frigid and really rainy out today, and Mom decided to go to the Chick-fil-a across the street to get her food and a coffee. (I want to take a moment to add my mother helps out homeless people a lot with food and I think once even a drive somewhere, she is just so fucking generous.) I've been with her before when she's done stuff like this, but idk, this time just really fucking moved me and I started smiling so big and crying a bit as I watched her go over to the woman. This poor woman was keeping warm with some little candles lit in her cart, leaning over it. It just broke my heart so, so deeply. I'm crying now writing about it, I just wish this world was nicer to people. This world's an unfair nightmare.

How’s your week been? It's... actually been decent? I went up on a med recently and I've been notably more motivated and just happier.

When did you last eat pizza? [TW: EATING DISORDER MENTION/BEHAVIOR-ISH] Mom put a small one in the oven the other day when Girt was here. He didn't eat any though, he's stubborn as a mule about eating these healthy dinners he routinely orders, and he almost always brings one here when he visits. I have absolutely nothing whatsoever against him wanting to be healthy, but I still worry because this man is in perfectly healthy shape and is still convinced he needs to lose weight so sticks to them. He's very into the idea of losing I think like ten pounds and me, his family, and my mom are all like... you'd be underweight. And he once got pretty defensive about it with his sister, like he clearly believes he's not where he should be when he is, and I really do worry he has a degree of self-image issues he's never admitted to. Wow, this was a question about pizza lmao.

Are you currently frustrated with someone? No, not that I can think of.

Has anyone recently told you something you didn’t want to hear? Yeah; my (sadly, now former) therapist had to give up on getting me into pretty much the best mental health service in this area; she and the psychiatrist that worked with her/me were only ever meant to be temporary, and my visits are up with them/insurance won't cover any more, and the desired place was simply much too far behind on referals to get me in in time. I was real bummed. I've instead been accepted somewhere else that Mom doesn't like, but Samantha (old therapist) reassured her their mental health care was well-received, so we're trying it anyway. I don't have much of a choice. I was supposed to be settled with an official psych care team in MARCH right when I got out of the hospital. The year is ending.

What was the last thing you heated up in your microwave? Pizza rolls.

Were you born somewhere other than a hospital? Nope. Just a pretty wild fun fact though, the same doctor who delivered my sisters and me also delivered Ashley's kids, haha. ... I think? Maybe just one or two? He retired at some point.

Are you currently listening to music or watching TV? I'm listening to "Lydia" by Highly Suspect.

What was the last thing you watched on TV? The first two (or three?) episodes of 1899 w/ Girt. I actually really wanna watch more of it this weekend since he's staying with me, I am SO curious about the story.

When you go out drinking, what do you prefer to drink? A margarita or sangria. Something sweet that doesn't have a strong alcohol taste.

Do you prefer regular or electric toothbrushes? Electric.

Have you received any compliments about your appearance today? No, only my mom's seen me and I've got nothing special going on.

What is your favourite type of cat? ORIENTAL SHORTHAIRS!!!!! lil Dumbo alien cats <333333

What religion were you raised in? Are you still that religion, if you had one? Roman Catholicism, and hell fucking no. Even as a child it didn't sit right with me, but I "believed" because I didn't want to go to Hell. Teaching your children that's their fate if they don't believe in a magical, manipulative, imaginary cast is abuse, btw.

What religion/spiritual path intrigues you the most, if any? Pagan stuff, like Wicca, or even atheistic modern Satanism (do your research before you get any ideas). I personally don't hold any of these belief systems because I think they make us humans seem more important than we really are (to me we are literally but little specks in an infinite space, in a tiny snapshot of time, that gives no shits about us), but the idea of finding holiness and divinity in oneself is absolutely alluring.

How many members are there in your favorite band and which is your favorite member? Gotta be honest, the only band member I know in Ozzy's solo career that is still a part of it is himself, haha. But man I would pick Ozzy REGARDLESS of the others, lol. For Rammstein, there's six guys, and I pray to Richard Kruspe at night while also utterly adoring Ollie because we're actually very similar, at least from the things that are public about him. I love all of them though, they are SUCH characters and absolute goofs together.

What heritage does your last name imply? Irish.

Name a stereotype from your country/culture. Do you agree with it? North America thinks it owns the whole fucking world, and in general, I do feel like most Americans think that, that we're like the main protagonists in life's story. Hell no we're not lmao.

Do women breastfeeding in public make you feel uncomfortable? Why or why not? No, because guess what the fuck tits are for, and a hungry child should be fed when it's fucking hungry. I get HEATED about this topic. I'm that person that would genuinely sit with the woman if she was nervous to be a very willing guard dog, my shyness would be GONE.

In the last week, what’s the kindest thing that someone has done for you? Girt showing up with that squishmallow *and* his entire work schedule printed for the whole next year really meant a lot. ;__; The plush came from nowhere and he wanted me to have his work schedule just so I know where he is, what days are candidates for hanging out, etc. I did emphasize to him though that even on days he's off, if he doesn't wanna hang out and I ask, he better be honest about it because that is entirely fine, he's allowed to have personal time whenever he wants, and I do think he understood and is willing to do that, he's always been very honest.

What was the last kind of crisps you ate? Uhhhh crunchy hot Cheetos awhile back.

Do you think it is bad to have sex at your age? I am almost 27 bro, absolutely not.

Will you be having sex in the near future? To be entirely transparent probably because my mom is about to be out of state for almost a week, Girt is planning on staying with me so I'm not alone, and the only reason we HAVEN'T gone that far yet is because we both live with our moms right now and the idea of going that far with a mom like in the next room or something is Very Uncomfy lmao especially when I'm a virgin so I have zero idea how I'd react.

What is your ring tone? Something that came with the phone. It's always on vibrate, so I really don't even know what it is.

Have you ever phoned a sex hot line? ON GOD when my little sister, neighbor, and I had our prank call phase as kids, we once accidentally found one 😭

When was the last time you made friends with old enemies? I mean I guess when Rachel (Jason's ex/first real gf) reached out to me on Facebook and we became friends. She hated my guts in high school because first Juan wanted me instead of her (I STILL don't know if they ever actually dated or what the hell they had going on), and then I dated Jason so apparently I "had a thing for her leftovers." She once even threatened to punch me and once aggressively snatched my arm during lunch to pull me in and tell me something that resulted in me leaving Juan (which ultimately was a blessing in disguise for sure). We're totally cool now though, she was a boy-crazy teenager with an attitude, but now we'll sometimes like comment on each others stuff, react, yada yada, we're cool. She grew up, and so did I. She actually recently got married to one of my former classmates, I even almost WENT to the wedding (via public invite to FB friends) but decided I didn't care THAT much, lol.

Is there something that someone has done to you that you cannot forgive? Invalidate my trauma.

Do you find body hair sexy? Depends, I guess. I THINK I'm more attracted to less but idk.

Who was the last person in your bed other then yourself? Besides my cat, Girt.

Has anyone ever drunk called/texted you? I don't think so?

What is your current MySpace song? Ancient survey, but I DO remember it was fucking "Pocketful of Sunshine" lmfao

Can you do a backwards london bridges? God no, even when I was fit I couldn't bend back and do it. I could lay DOWN on the ground and push myself up to do it, but that's it.

Are any of your pets “overweight”? No. A vet said Cookie could lose a little bit of weight and be perfect, but she's not considered overweight either.

Has anyone ever bought you a ring? My mom has, as well as Jason. I ended up losing the one mom got me down the sink (was not happy, it was really pretty), and the one Jason got, the gem actually came off really quickly and I kept it and the ring itself in a treasure box for a while, but not anymore.

Name three of your favorite colors: Light pink, coral, and hot/neon pink. Basically, PINKS lmao.

Have you ever been baptized? I was as a baby, yeah. Wish I'd made it boil. :^)

Have you been circumcised? I'm a cis female so have not been in this situation.

Would you circumcise your son? This is a decision that I would mostly leave to Girt. Being naturally a woman I simply can't properly relate to/fathom this topic. From the perspective I DO have from what I *can* understand, I'd absolutely want my son to have ease of staying clean, and I also would never want him bullied (not that I'd want or expect my kid to share this information with pretty much anyone), but at the same time, genital mutilation is not fucking cool. I have zero idea what anesthetics (if any) they use or ANYTHING, so I'd have to research this topic more and get input from the dad.

[TW: RAPE/MOLESTATION] Have you ever been raped or molested? Not to my memory, though so many docs by now have asked me, and it's been brought up before that I might have SOME sort of repressed memory because of so, so many signs. I genuinely don't think I have been, like I remember NOTHING, but who the hell knows. I had two boys in pre-k that absolutely harassed me (I've talked about this recently so not doing it again), but I wouldn't call it anything more than that, I think.

Have you ever been sick on your birthday? Hm not quite, at least I don't think so. I do remember I was RECOVERING from a stomach bug one year; I didn't feel wonderful, but we went to dinner at Olive Garden, and at this time Jason worked there and got them to do the whole "happy birthday" singing thing.

Have you ever tried to poison someone? Uh NO??????????

Have you ever saved anyone from a fire? I've never been in this situation, and hopefully I absolutely never will be.

Have you ever had a seizure? No, but I pretty much constantly felt on the verge of having one when I was on the med that made me manic, and at one point I came VERY near to going to the ER because my body was just violently, and I mean violently, seizing at very short, random intervals. I was entirely convinced I was about to have a seizure, but thankfully I fell asleep after being awake for three straight days. Stopped the med the next morning.

Have you ever had pneumonia? No.

Have you ever had a tooth knocked out? I had some molars broken when I fainted onto my chin on the bathroom floor.

Have you had a menstrual period? I'm a cis female so yes, I've had one since I was like, 13-ish. I actually asked Ma when I started today bc we were talking about how one of my nieces is nearly old enough to start and I wanted to pass away right then and there, on god. She is NOT allowed to hit puberty ok.

Have you ever had kidney stones? No.

Have you ever been bitten by a venomous animal? No.

Have you ever been pregnant? No, and I better never be.

Have you ever been sedated or put under anesthesia? Yeah, to get my cyst removed. Best sleep of my life lmfao

Have you ever used shrooms or any other hallucinogen? Nah.

[lilover131]

Chapter 64 Analysis

I’m sorry for being so late posting this!! I really did want to write this analysis sooner, however I got held up by an unexpected source. The English translated chapter was unavailable for download until today (it was never disclosed why this was so delayed), and I really did not want to write my thoughts using the red, blurry screenshots from the Youtube video on the official CLAMP channel. Now that I can have decent screenshots to outline things, I can finally write this properly!

This chapter was everything I had hoped for, and it leaves me so excited/scared for the future! Without further ado, let’s jump right in! -queue Chrissy listening to “Come into my Dream” by Foggy-

OMG, THIS COVER PAGE!! It’s so beautiful, and I absolutely love the way Syaoran is drawn in this color image. CLAMP wasted no time showing us the official colors of these outfits, which I’m sure will only serve to feed into the fanart (it certainly did for me!). I don’t have a lot more to say about it as there doesn’t appear to be any further symbolism to it that I can tell other than matching what is already going on. I love it nonetheless and have definitely turned it into a background for some of my devices. Haha!

 So I’ll start off by saying this….I was wrong. I feel like such an idiot for being so convinced that this black cat portrayal was not Syaoran and some magical entity, but it turns out I apparently know nothing about Syaoran and he is in fact an incredible actor. LOL. Honestly, I’m still so shook by it and how cool he’s acting! I’ll bet that Syaoran internally is embarrassed by this, but because this is clearly for Sakura and his classmates, he’s doing his absolute best and making it look easy!

 I’m proud of Syaoran for stepping up to do something he was clearly uncomfortable with, and his reasons for doing it really just continue to build on what a genuinely kind person he is. He realized that by doing only the voice, he was giving more work to others in animating the puppet, so he was in fact doing more harm than good. Syaoran really doesn’t like to give anyone a hard time, even for something as simple as animating a puppet, and it just melts my heart and how thoughtful he is! Of course the most important reason of all for him choosing to do this is to be closer to Sakura if something happens during the play. It seems that everyone senses something important is going to happen at this play, including Tomoyo, who explained that she had never put so much thought into costumes before, but that she did so because she felt that this play was special.

Watching from the trees, Kero and Suppi remark about how they feel the presence of magic, and Nakuru and Yukito exchange glances that express that they too, feel the same thing. Nothing has happened yet, but it seems everyone is on edge, and it’s easy to see why. I think we’re all honestly on edge waiting to see what happens. Haha! 

Syaoran jumps down from the pillar he was sitting on with expertise and impresses all his fellow classmates with his graceful athleticism, and I find Touya’s face to be absolutely hilarious when Syaoran gets so much applause. Touya certainly cares about him, but that doesn’t mean he likes him. Haha!

Syaoran and Sakura speak their lines, the black cat stating he was waiting for Alice, and that she had asked him to “guide her to the world she wanted to see”.  What Syaoran says next is awfully foreshadowing in nature, and he states that the destination is for Alice to decide. What she will or won’t do or where she will go is up to her, and what she decides will shape her world. This seems to come back to the ‘decision’ that CLAMP keeps teasing us with. It seems Sakura’s moment of choosing will come soon, and I’m so worried about this choice. Often, ‘choices’ in CLAMP works are very difficult ones with a lot of emotional pain, like Syaoran in Tsubasa World Chronicle having to choose between not killing the other Syaoran and saving the people of Nirai Kanai. I’m sure if it were an easy decision, then CLAMP wouldn’t put nearly this much attention on it. I have a sinking feeling that this choice Sakura has coming will be related to Akiho and Syaoran, and that whichever choice she makes will determine who ends up being the true cloaked figure.

 The song Yamazaki wrote starts to play, the lyrics describing how this is the story of Alice’s choice, and the cat will lead the way to her dreams. However, it is incredibly creepy how the lyrics are cut off in perfect time as it says “Carry on. But know….” And then is interrupted by the mysterious voice saying “You can never go back.” If you have read my post titled “Why I’m scared for Syaoran” (link here if you want to read), you’ll know how I feel about this particular disembodied voice, and I especially don’t like how it comes up right as Sakura is reaching for his hand (which she cannot physically touch right now due to the spell keeping them apart). This keeps giving me awful feelings that my prediction might be right, and I’m still clinging onto hope that I’m wrong.

Right after that moment, the scene shows Akiho standing at the top of the winding steps. She looks awfully mysterious under that veil, but I gotta say that the Red Queen outfit suits her incredibly well and is super beautiful. She insisted on having that role after all, so it seems she was really made for it. I really love the headpiece in particular with the massive flower, but the black spikes coming from it really do remind me of the dragon for some reason. Or maybe I’m thinking of the Association. The outfit in its entirety though really reminds me of the outfit Sakura wears in Recourt and Acid Tokyo in Tsubasa, and any Tsubasa readers will know how traumatic that arc was in particular. Hahaha!

For the second time now, when Akiho goes to say her line where she introduces who she is, she seems to hesitate, and this seems to be unscripted. There appears to be some sort of internal thought Akiho is battling with, and I’m curious to know what it is. Does it feel too real for her to say she is the Red Queen, or does she feel like she is telling a lie that is fighting and wants to correct? I’m sure we’ll get answers soon enough. But I imagine having a play that draws so much inspiration from the book she resonates with so much and only she can read must be somewhat surreal feeling.

 After their introductions are completed, Sakura and Akiho walk through a beautifully decorated archway, which seems to turn into an actual portal, and the two disappear within it. Touya signals to Yukito, who immediately goes into action. His new powers go into effect, his huge wings wrapping the entire school in a barrier. It is then that we get something completely shocking and not at all what I would have predicted. TOUYA CAN STOP TIME?!!!! We finally get to see this new power he has been teasing, and it turns out to be time magic of all things! Everyone is just as confused as we are naturally, but Yukito explains that this stopped time won’t last long and urges Syaoran to go after the girls while he can. He promises to bring Sakura back, which reminds me of another Tsubasa scene (STOP DOING THAT CLAMP), and once he passes through it, the gate closes behind him.

After Syaoran disappears, Touya explains himself to the guardians that he had a conversation with his mother’s spirit about Sakura’s growing lack of control over her powers and how he could help her. It turns out that Sakura has technically always had the power to see spirits, but she could not see them because she did not wish to see them out of fear. But now she can see spirits despite this, indicating that her choice has now been overruled by her own destabilization. Touya remarks on how he discovered a new power within himself, which was the ability to stop time, however he can only do so for about 2 seconds. He asks his mother if this ability could help her, and she tells him that in her time of need, it can, however he should not do it alone.

 It turns out that what she meant was to utilize Yukito to help increase the time he can use this magic, and that he can do so because the magic Yukito has was given to him by Touya, thus is his own magic. I really love how CLAMP incorporated that connection here, but it also really feeds into the Touyuki ship in ways that makes me want to squeal. Lmao. Touya explains that he and Yukito had been practicing quite a bit to get it right, and I love imagining how hard they were working quietly behind the scenes for this moment. Yukito’s eyes also look soooo pretty with Yue’s slits for pupils. I do feel kinda bad for Yue though, who is probably feeling a bit useless right now. However, before Yukito made his wish to the Tsukimine Shrine, he said he had written a letter to Yue to ask how he felt about this, and Yue responded “Do as you wish” (lol), so at least Yue’s feelings were considered here.

 Kero shouts from the trees that Touya and Yukito were cheating using time magic, but I don’t really know how that is considered cheating, or why the two of them were trying to hide at all from them. I guess Kero and Suppi didn’t quite feel comfortable talking directly to Touya yet, and I only really just now realized that this is the first time they’ve actually communicated to each other. But like…Touya is so far in the know about the magic world, that it makes literally no sense for them to hide anymore? Hahaha. Like, honestly they could’ve talked to him a long time ago, and it would’ve been fine. In fact, the whole freaking household should be totally okay with magic at this point, including Fujitaka. If they are not all talking to each other openly by the end of the series, I’mma riot. Lmao. 

 Anyways, Yukito states seriously that all they can do is help from that side of the door and that it’s “up to the cat now”, since they likely did nothing to stop Kaito. This seems to imply that not just Sakura’s return rests on Syaoran’s shoulders, but that he is also expected to be the one to deal with Kaito. None of these are going to be easy, so it appears Syaoran has a huuuuuge role in this climax, which was expected.

 I am BEYOND excited for the next chapter. I’m sure it’s going to be absolutely insane, and I’m also so so so so nervous for what is about to happen. I believe things are seriously going to amp up in the next chapter and that we are going to come face to face with Sakura’s decision. There might also be a round 2 for Syaoran and Kaito, so things are certainly about to get epic!!!

[m-y-fandoms]

COMMISSION: Joker/Akira/Ren x Reader Part 3

This fic assumes Mishima isn't a confidant, the reader is the Moon arcana instead, keep this in mind.

word count: 6.3k words, SFW

- Admin Myah

Over the next few weeks spent with Akira, or… Joker, as he seemed to be called when the situation demanded, you learned that the world was much more complicated than you ever could’ve dreamed. Sure, you praised yourself for being a little less of a sheep than the idle-brained teenagers of your everyday life who thought of nothing but gossip, status and appearances, but now you felt insignificant, like you’d been asleep all this time until Akira, Ryuji and Ann had placed six symbolic hands upon you, and shaken you to life. Layers upon layers, he explained the subconscious world that lay beneath, which ached to be revealed, only to those who’d open their eyes.

＊

It’d been a rush, your first time in the Metaverse. You’d insisted to Akira, though he protested, that you wanted to see what all of this near-unbelievable nonsense he was explaining was all about. He’d never taken non-Phantom-Thief confidants into the Metaverse, and he was hesitant, silent for a long while before deciding that your help was worth the risk. After all, he’d already told you everything, and they had no way to erase memories… yet.

You remember Akira taking your hand, the skin on skin contact. Up on the school’s rooftop with Ryuji and Ann flanking you, Akira had told you it was a precaution, to make absolutely sure that you transferred into the Metaverse with them and landed in the same place. You had to be touching one of them, for your safety, and he’d eagerly volunteered. With the cat in his bag seeming to smile at you over his shoulder (an occurrence which made you feel like you were going looney already) he tapped an app icon on his phone, some scary red little square, and with that, your body lifted, began to float, or so it seemed. Red completely consumed your vision, red and black ink like those blobs you’d seen the Phantom Thieves appear from when this all began. You gasped, stumbling back a step as if you could escape the all-encompassing wave, and Akira, sensing your trepidation, squeezed your hand slightly.

The rooftop faded, and you felt like a character from a videogame fast-traveling to their destination. Almost as fast as it appeared, the trippy red and black sludge subsided, and before you sat a dark, dreary scenery. A castle, one that obviously belonged to a malevolent ruler sat amongst a purple sky and the smell of despair.

“What the…” your mouth hung agape for a second, taking in your surroundings before letting your eyes trail down to where your hand met Akira’s. Assuming you no longer needed it, you shook him off gently, not even sparing a glance his way, and his eyebrows creased just the smallest amount, not that you noticed. You were too focused on the giant cat before you, knee-height, with a round, bulbous head. “Is… are you-?!”

“Much more handsome and dashing in this form, wouldn’t you say?” Morgana - now confirmed - gave you a sly look as you leaned down to his height to run your hand along the fur on his head.

“Wow… so cute!” You cooed.

“Hey! Stop it! Stop it! I am a warrior and to be taken seriously!” he whined, shooing away your hands, his fur on end.

“Ha!” a sharp laugh rang out behind you, and you turned to see that Morgana wasn’t the only one who’d made a drastic change. Ryuji was now clad in some kind of leather pirate’s uniform, his demeanor far more fearsome and a skull mask across his face. Ann donned a skin-tight body suit and cat mask, and Akira wore a lavish long coat, red gloves, and a masquerade mask. He looked like a magician from some fairytale, or perhaps the leader of some band of Robin-Hood-inspired band of vigilantes… although you supposed that was kind of what he was now… either way, he would make amazing source material for your main protagonist. Such swagger, a commanding presence… he didn’t seem to exactly be the same Akira you’d met earlier.

＊

The trip to the Metaverse was almost completely uneventful… almost. Just once, when you’d begged Akira to press forward and show you the inside of the castle, something called a “shadow” attacked, and you got to see the band of thieves in action. It was shocking, leaving chills running down your spine. Here were your classmates, people your age with ghost-like spirits materializing at their backs, flipping through the castle’s corridors, shooting guns and slingshots and magic at terrifying beasts. It was all so fast-paced, so stunning, that your body locked up witnessing the battle. A shadow spotted you in the background, defenseless and clearly not part of the Phantom Thief entourage, and taking the petty opportunity only a sore-loser on the ropes would take, struck out against you. You shrieked, your hands uselessly coming up to defend your face as if it would help. Akira’s eyes widened, his reflexes so much faster in this realm, and turned on his heel, diving in front of you to deflect the blast of frosty energy swirling toward you. It bounced off of the side of his large steel dagger and ricoheted back at the shadow. After assessing the situation and asking if you were okay, Akira decided it was time to return you back to the real world. It was too dangerous for someone without a persona to wander here. The thieves would return later, once you were safe at home.

＊

Anyway, now you believed him, you knew everything he was saying, about Kamoshida and his fucked up mind, about confidants, personas and metacognition was real and very much a serious matter. Now all that was left was to decide just how you could help them, what kind of deal you could strike with the clever leader of the Phantom Thieves. Of course, he didn’t expect you to get something and give nothing.

It was decided that you’d offer your knowledge as a writer to help with negotiation and charming shadows in the Metaverse. You’d turn those golden lines you wrote on the pages into real-life lessons, and Akira would learn to seduce shadows, to out-smart them, to persuade them to give up everything they had: their money, precious belongings, even their very selves. He would flirt, threaten, intimidate, any honeyed word or silver-tongued method he could use to make deals with shadows go along more smoothly. Perfect. It would help him out immensely. But, what did you want, he’d asked again.

It felt embarrassing, now that you were put on the spot, forced to disclose it, but although those “golden words” translated well into lessons for others, you found that you couldn’t as easily take your own advice. You struggled with human interaction in your real life, especially of the romantic kind. You could write a healthy relationship out on paper, create the ideal love interest from scratch for a story, but stumbled along words like some socially incompetent fool once it came time to apply that knowledge. As much as you hated to admit it, these days even getting true, realistic romantic moments down on paper was a struggle. The well was drying up, writer’s block, as you’d explained it to your online friends. It was near impossible to make something from nothing, and you had nothing. No real romantic experience. You couldn’t help but think this was the route of the problem. Your writing, your precious romance novel would flourish, if only it’s author wasn’t completely clueless.

“Date me…” You mumbled, surprised out how your long moment of pensive introspection had accumulated into this clunky statement.

“What?” Akira let out a breath he’d seemed to be holding the entire time, just watching you think on what method of reciprocity was worth your help. Losing your nerve at the incredulous tone of his voice and the raise of his brows, you shrunk back a bit, ready to defend your words.

“W-wait!” You held a hand out between you. “Not really. I mean…” how to word this…? “Like, fake!” He looked even more confused than before. You released a noise of frustration. “What I mean is, you take me on dates - fake ones - stupid little stuff couples do, for my writing, of course…” You looked toward the ground, suddenly extremely interested in your shoes.

“How does that benefit you in any way?” He smiled, a bit forced, a blush dusting his pale cheeks.

“Well I- I’ve been having writer's block lately. I mean sure, I can give you lines and lessons from my previous works, drabble and things I’ve learned, written down in the past, but I have no fresh material. Stagnation is every writer’s downfall, but I have no experience, I need more to go off of… and then maybe I can even transfer what I discern from our… interactions - er… dates I mean - to you. Does that make sense?” You looked up at him hopefully.

“Uh… no,” Yeah, you knew it didn’t, but that’s all you had for him. His hand shook, much less confident as Akira than Joker, and he shoved it in his pocket.

“It’s hard to explain, I just… that’s my deal. Will you take it?” You clutched your bag a little closer to your body. “We don’t even have to tell anybody. I just want to experience it… going out… with someone…” It sounded a little more pathetic now that you were actually hearing yourself. You both stood in silence, Akira contemplating your words. It wasn’t that he didn’t like you as a person… it was just… complicated…

“Give me a day to think about it,” he spoke quietly, giving you a polite send off before parting ways.

That night, anxiety set in as you rolled around in your bed restlessly.

Did you sound like a creep? Were you being unreasonable? Was this asking too much of him? Does he think you’re crazy? You’ll probably never hear from him again. He’d probably rather find a way in that crazy Metaverse to erase your memories so he can forget the awkward exchange ever happened. Maybe he’ll kick your shadow’s ass one day.

You debated going to school the next day.

＊

Akira’s night, though not as horrendous as yours, was not a peaceful one. Like so many nights, he found himself awoken to the clink of a ball and chain, dressed in striped rags as he stood and walked to the bars of his cell. The twins were waiting, as always, anger in their eyes.

“Look alive, prisoner!” Caroline spoke.

“Our master would have a word with you!” Justine chimed in. Akira looked up, meeting Igor’s large grin.

“You’ve forsaken a bond, Trickster. One must ask, why?” Igor’s hands splayed over a deck on cards on his desk.

“Huh…? What do you mean?” Sleep lingering in his mind, and confused as to why he was here this time, Akira replied.

“I’ve told you, the bonds you strengthen over time and the new bonds you form, they will be what wins this fight. You can only complete your mission, save all that is, through the support your confidants provide, so why have you abandoned this bond?” Igor’s fingers folded together, hands clasped, a show of disappointment. “Now is not the time to not try hard enough.” Was that a hint of frustration in his tone? If so, he didn’t show it.

“...I’m afraid I don’t understand.” Akira rubbed one eye lazily.

“You’re not trying to understand, worm! Wake up!” Caroline’s fist banged down across the bars, startling Akira slightly. He looked to Igor again, who held up a single card between two fingers. On its face sat two wolves, both howling up at a glittering moon.

“The Moon.” Igor stated plainly. “Illusion, fear, anxiety, intuition, uncertainty, complexity, secrets, the unconscious mind. A friend, a possible lover, someone unsure of themselves and others. Creativity, shadowed by doubt. Someone who supports others but not themselves.” As he spoke, images of your face flashed in Akira’s mind. Igor threw the card into the air, catching it upside-down, letting the wolves fall into the moon, swimming in its glow. “Reversed: release of fear, repressed emotion, clarity, misinterpretations overturned. Someone who can fix what was upright. But you’ve passed over the opportunity.” Igor swipes his free hand in front of the card, and it disappears.

Scenes play out in Akira’s head. Confrontation with shadows, confrontations with real people, but these aren’t real… or rather, haven’t happened yet.

He receives clarity.

The Moon has more to offer than lessons on charisma, seduction, trickery, persuasion. His intuition will grow, his ability to perceive things before they happen, the ability to read and understand people, and be understood in return. Other bonds will grow, empathy will grow. More friends, closer friends, a flash of blue hair, white uniform, red hair, headphones, then a tidy uniform, a Shujin uniform, gloves, a beige jacket, and finally bouncy curls and a soft, high pitched voice. With your help, the Phantom Thieves can grow. Bonds will strengthen. Complexity, Igor had said. More than meets the eye. Was there more to you? You weren’t too bad, obviously intelligent… a bit odd, but kind enough, and he did find you cute… but pretending, a fake relationship? How could a fake bond strengthen

The card reappears, as if out of thin air, and Igor points to one upside down wolf.

“Me.” Joker whispers, as if guided by an unseen force. Igor points to the other wolf.

You.

He awakens with a start, nearly knocking Morgana off the bed. He has an answer for you now.

＊

He finds you at school the next day, huddled in the library and not where you’d said you’d meet him. You’d been dreading this, waiting for the rejection, your hand trembling slightly on the book in your hands. He sits across from you, a look of determination on his face. Waiting for him to speak was torture.

“I’ll do it.” He holds out a hand, waiting for you to shake it, seal the deal. A contact has been signed.

＊

Your first date with Akira is clunky, unpracticed, unprecedented of course. He doesn’t know much about what to do, either, so he takes you to Le Blanc for dinner. Some coffee and curry, maybe a soda and some conversation on the side? It couldn’t be too bad, right? That’s what dudes do, he thought, bring their... pretend sweetheart somewhere for dinner, right? Sojiro is teasing, of course, wondering who this new person was, why Akira was holding their hand. He smirks like a dad proud of his boy, and Akira, too embarrassed under Sojiro’s scrutiny now to sit down and serve you curry, rushes you upstairs.

After being dragged by the hand up rickety old stairs, you end up in Akira’s room alone. You look around, taking in his sparse decorations, humble belongings. It then strikes you that you are, in fact, alone. Alone with a boy in his room, for the first time in your life. You didn’t know how you got here, and so fast. Maybe you were in over your head. Maybe you just needed to calm down. This was part of the process, right? Real couples did this, to get to know each other. He beckons you over, gestures for you to sit on his bed with him. You’re hesitant, but Akira isn’t making a big deal out of it, and you’re not really alone, with Morgana right there, so you sit, as far from him as you could be on the surprisingly soft bed. Struggling for words and new to dates himself, Akira decides to treat you first and foremost like his friend. That makes this all easier.

He spends the next hour or so describing Mementos, his mentor Igor, the twins. He wants you to know everything, and it surprises him. His other confidants, save for the actual Phantom Thieves, don’t know anything about the hidden world their bonds are healing. He describes the arcana to you, the tarot, the way his soul resonates with The Fool, Ryuji The Chariot, Ann The Lovers. His doctor friend is Death, Sojiro the Hierophant. Morgana here is the Magician, and proud of it. He explains how he feels a bond with them, as he now does with you. They make him feel like he can do anything. You’re included in that now. You feel warmth rise to your cheeks. How could he say that so casually? It wasn’t like it was a love confession or whatever, but you had trouble seriously telling your online friends you appreciated having them in your lives without adding a joke or meme in there somewhere. Why did he even need your help? He seemed well spoken. You said so, voicing these opinions aloud.

“Huh.. you know, I actually don’t usually talk this much,” he smiled. “Must just be you.” He was only half teasing. You looked away nervously, feeling the need to change the subject.

“S-so, what am I?” You began to stroke Morgana’s fur, and this time he didn’t seem to mind.

“You mean your soul?” He scooted a bit closer.

“Yeah.” It didn’t go unnoticed.

“The Moon.” He replied softly.

He spent the rest of the night explaining the levels of Mementos, and some of the wicked people whose hearts he’s had the displeasure of seeing inside, but the absolute pleasure of changing. You say you aren’t surprised so many people are walking around so hurt inside or eager to hurt others. When the “date” ends - neither of you having even gotten that promised coffee or curry downstairs - you’re touching, sitting shoulder to shoulder looking at the moon outside his window with Morgana on your lap. The room seems a little warmer, a little less humble. Akira mentions with a sheepish grin that it’s getting late, and offers to walk you home.

Rank Up!

＊

You sit in your bed that night, Akira now having returned to Le Blanc, and think about if this will make good writing material or not. You had to have learned something, right? There was something to be gained from every experience… but you can’t help feeling like you’ve warmed up to the thought of Akira a bit more… not too much, however. You smiled to yourself at the thought of The Fool, tricked into dating the Moon, for all it can offer him.

He’d been so awkward at your front door when he dropped you off. You could tell he had no clue what to do. He was frantically looking around. People in movies kissed their date at this point, cheek or lips, depending on how the date went, right? He confessed that he’s one of those people who truly don’t know anything about romance, like you’d mentioned earlier in one of your conversations. You tell him it’s fine, that you didn’t expect anything, that you just met the other day. He thought he was being clear, dropping hints that he might want to peck your cheek, just a quick gesture to kick off your fake relationship, but maybe he wasn’t as slick as he thought. The hints seemed to go over your head. Maybe he really did need help.

＊

Your second date comes in the form of you begging to go back into the Metaverse for some inspiration. He fights you, bringing up the last time a shadow attacked you, but you are persistent. He gives in, taking you to the highest rung of Mementos, where the shadows are weak and he can keep you safe adequately on his own. It is a date, after all, no Phantom Thieves tagging along. Mementos is a bit more frightening than Kamoshida’s Palace, you mention, and he eases your fear, promising to protect you here, always. You take in his Phantom Thief uniform in more detail as you walk the long corridors of the realm of the subconscious and decide he looks quite handsome in it.

You watch him battle a demon that is the personification of lust, a succubus-like creature dripping with temptation and love, or so it thinks. Joker uses all that you’ve taught him so far, which isn’t much, and cons the false idol of love out of their money. It was quite comical yet a bit sad to watch the shadows expression fall from a cocky to a defeated one, but preformative love you’ve decided, is doomed to lose. The irony flies over your head.

From this experience, watching Joker fight with speed and grace, you settle on a genre for your novel. It will be a high-fantasy romance. Joker will inspire your main character, of course, but the love interest… was still undecided. You started drafting her to look like Ann, act like Ann, give off the energy and power Ann does. Ryuji was an option at first as well to inspire the love interest’s personality, but he was a bit too brash. You wanted someone strong, but soft and elegant at the same time. These characters were loosely based on the Phantom Thieves, anyway, so it didn’t really matter.

＊

When you leave the Metaverse, though Akira is a bit exhausted, he takes you to a local casual restaurant to make up for the last time at Le Blanc. There, sitting across the counter from you two is an older gentleman. Yoshida, Akira whispers, is a friend of his, another confidant. The Sun. Yoshida makes small talk, asking politely if you’re with Akira, and you feel your stomach clench. You knew this was fake, the agreement was clear, but hearing it aloud, the awkward ‘we’re just friends’ that was coming made you sweat. It still felt like rejection anyway. When Akira confirms that yes, you are in fact dating, your eyes widen, the coil in your stomach releasing. He smiles, taking your hand. This has to be an act, a show to play up the relationship. He’s just performing his duty, his role, holding up his end of the deal in order to simulate a real relationship and give you worthwhile source material… right?

Either way, you appreciate not being publicly humiliated, and smile back. That night, you write down everything, and what it’s like to not be alone.

Rank Up!

＊

Days pass, Kamoshida coming and going, justice being served, and you spend more and more time with your fake boyfriend. Your parents let him come over, and in your room you let him read some of the old poetry you’ve written, some lame pining drabble from your younger years, and some more recent things you’re proud of. He scours your room, digging up old hobbies and photos. You tell him all about them. He tells you he enjoys learning these things about you. You simply smile. It doesn’t seem to be the reaction he was looking for. Not liking the small frown that adorns his features, you pick the conversation back up, asking if he thinks you’ll ever have a persona. He smiles, maybe someday.

Rank Up!

＊

The Phantom Thieves are gaining fame, only more fodder for your writing. The more you hang out with Akira and his friends, the more real it feels. Your online friends can feel it, too. They sense you changing, talking less of writing and more of Akira. They tease you, of course, but they don’t get it. He’s just a main character… just a muse.

This time, Akira walks home to Le Blanc alone, wondering if he should tell you how he feels. He doesn’t like it, holding up this pretense of a fake relationship, pretending the glances and touches don’t matter. He wants to tell you…

...that he’s slowly falling.

You receive a little gift in the mail the next day. It’s a deck of tarot cards. The return address is blank. You call him to tell him all about it, and end up discussing the pros and cons of each card all night. What a coincidence that you should receive your own deck all of a sudden.

Rank Up!

＊

There are moments where you’re afraid you may be falling, too. There was the time that a blue-haired young man stalked you and your friends through Shibuya, turning corners when you did, always on your trail. When Ryuji finally got fed up and confronted the weirdo, asking why the hell he was following you guys, he’d revealed that his name was Yusuke, a student of a painting master, and that he was simply following inspiration where it lead.

“Your friend there, I was drawn to them,” he points elegantly, like some manga bishounen, past Ryuji and toward you. “I beg of you, allow me to paint your form. Something about your normalcy stands out. What I mean is, there is beauty to be found in not standing out, a silent grace in being so plain.” You could tell Yusuke meant no harm, that he simply may be a bit socially inept with his words, as well, but the way he was talking about you set something in Akira on fire. He stood in front of you, shifting until his body blocked yours from Yusuke’s sight.

“They aren’t plain.” He spoke with a dangerous edge to his tone, and you felt your heartbeat speed up. The hint of jealousy in his voice at Yusuke’s request for you to model for him, and anger at him calling someone he found so fascinating plain was evident.

＊

Yusuke seemed to be in denial in the coming days. Though your little troupe seemed to constantly be bumping into him, offering him sound advice and trying to awaken him to the mire of corruption that was the truth behind his mentor, Ichiryusai Madarame, he refused to see reason. He dove further into his art, but you could tell he was hurting. You used your time with Akira these days to teach him how art, much like film and literature, can reflect false truths and influence people. The deception, corruption and shallowness of the media extended to the art world, as he learned after one or two gallery visits with you.

It was then, in a gallery displaying Yusuke’s work, as you sat in a secluded corner alone discussing ways to take down Madarame, that Akira started to flirt incessantly.

He takes your hand, bringing up romantic tropes in movies he’s seen that seem so forced, one-sided, cliche, uncomfortable. He mentions that he would’ve done better, explains how those scenes would’ve played out if he had any say.

“Is that so?” Your brow raises, amused by how animated this usually quiet boy could be when he was passionate about something.

“Yeah! Of course! What, you don’t see me doing that?” he laughed breathily, going on about how the male lead of some high-school romance film Sojiro rented for him was clumsy, forceful, and didn't give his lover time and space to think about their feelings. “I would’ve treated them much, much better… “ his words trail off, as if lost in thought.

“...Is that so?” You ask again, studying his face and asking yourself how you didn’t notice before how beautiful the hue of his eyes were. You sure as hell were noticing now… steely grey, sharp, deep, purposeful. You’d have to write that down… for research purposes of course. When you pull yourself back to reality, no longer lost in the swirl of his irises, you realize he’s staring at you, and has been for some time.

“Do… can I-” he speaks, throat dry, and scoots himself closer. “May I kiss you…?” His voice is soft, so soft, scared.

“...Yes.” You answer, naturally, impulsively, voice just as soft. When Akira leans forward, and softly presses his apprehensive lips to yours, you feel like you’ve been set on fire. Your mind begins to go crazy, while your body is frozen. It’s not that you didn’t like it, some part of you did. You wanted more, but it felt wrong. This wasn’t real. You didn’t truly like him… right? This kiss was fake, for research purposes… to cure writer’s block…

...right?

You were frozen more from guilt than nerves. Weren’t first kisses supposed to feel like little butterflies in your stomach? Did he think he owed you this? Were you taking advantage of him at this point? Did he feel forced to kiss you to keep up his end of the bargain?

Akira deepened the kiss, a hand on the back of your neck, guiding you, begging you to reciprocate. When you didn’t, lost in your own head, he pulls away, a small frown tugging at his lips.

“W-we… we should head home. I’ll walk you…” he sighs. You both stand, make your way back onto the main street from the museum, and are silent the entire walk home.

You think he’s silent because you’ve forced him to think he needs to kiss you, and now regrets his decision. He thinks you’re silent because he’s just forced a kiss upon you, just like some Chad from a movie who can’t understand boundaries. Neither of you know your silence is for the exact same reasons.

Akira drops you off at home with a quiet ‘goodnight,’ and walks home, clearing his head in the cool night air.

“Stupid… jeez… fuckin’ stupid,” he huffs, repirmanding himself. This wasn’t real. You’d stated that from the beginning. This relationship was to benefit your writing, to help him in the Metaverse, nothing else. Nothing else.

Nothing. Else.

It was his fault he let himself develop real feelings. He has no right to be sad, to blame you, to get upset. You’d stated the terms from the very start…

Maybe he really was The Fool.

Rank Up…?

＊

The next few weeks are awkward.

Both of you think it’s your fault.

You go on dates like usual, but they are strictly business. You get writing material, he gets advice, no touching, and certainly no kissing. Yusuke joins the group. Things are great… friendly… strained, tense. Akira wonders what the hell he’s doing, if this bond is even worth it. Weeks pass. He feels your bond with him growing, but not in the way he wishes. It felt like all of his other confidants: visit, gain, rank up, gain power, learn. He wonders if he can keep this up. His heart aches. He wants to touch you more, but can’t, wants to tell you more, but won’t let himself.

＊

One rainy night, he calls you, like he often does when you can’t meet up in person, and tells you he can’t do this anymore. You lie, and say you agree. The guilt won’t let you tell him the truth, that you want to end the farce, move onto something more real. You can sense your feelings for him growing stronger each day, and it’s not fair to him. Without fighting, without the big “it’s not you it’s me you” you’re used to reading about in books, you tell him you respect his decision, and it’s over. When Akira hangs up, he finds himself a bit angry inside. You didn’t even try to fight for the relationship. There was a tiny little part of him that hoped you felt anything for him, that maybe it meant something to you. He cries that night, for the first time in a long time. They are angry tears, frustrated ones.

＊

In your bed, you find yourself sitting upright, dead inside, unfeeling, empty. You feel like a part of you is gone, but can’t pinpoint why. You don’t even notice the tears sliding down your own cheeks as you sift through the pack of tarot cards that mysteriously came into your life. You find The Moon, and play with it, twisting it between your fingers before sending it flying across the room like a paper dart. Did this mean you couldn’t hang out with the Phantom Thieves anymore? Were you losing your only in-real-life friends and… boyfriend(?) all in the same day?

You sifted through the cards and gently set aside the Emperor, the Lovers, the Chariot. Then your hand drifted over the Fool. You held it out in front of your face. A dancing man looking up at the sky with a jesters cap perched upon his head smiled back at you.

The start of a great journey, freedom from constraints. Each day is an adventure. Courage, anything can happen. There is a need to experience new things, to let yourself experience the love you deserve. Be willing to take risks.

A sad, thoughtful smile crosses your lips. You turn the card upside down.

If you disregard the repercussions of your actions, you are the Fool. You cannot see the position you’ve put yourself in. Is everything what it seems to be?

A breath catches in your throat, a wave of nausea hitting you. You scramble for your phone, and dial a number.

Silence, ringing, silence.

“...Yeah…?” Akira sniffles. He’s been crying???

“I want… can we talk… can I come over?”

“It’s late.”

“It’s not, we came home way earlier than usual. You’re just using that as an excuse.” You were feeling a little braver than usual, the spirit of the Fool within you. You heard him thinking, a sigh that came through as static.

“Yeah… fine, I’ll be waiting.” Relief washed over you.

＊

When you knocked on the door after speed-walking to Le Blanc, Sojiro let you in with a warm smile. He obviously didn’t know about your falling out with Akria, yet.

“He’s upstairs,” he gestured, exhaustion evident in his voice. You rushed past, thanking him with a small bow of your head. Only now was the inevitable fear starting to sink in. Akira heard footsteps creaking on the stairs. Sojiro never came up unannounced, and with that realization, his back stiffened. Morgana picked up your scent, excusing himself, passing you on your way up the stairs. He could take a hint.

He stood immediately, stepping toward you, stopping halfway. You shrunk into yourself, unable to meet his eyes.

“Akira… I wanted to talk…” you muttered.

“You said that… about what?” He was more than a little pissed, but he was always one to hide his temper well.

“Can we sit…?” You gestured to his small sofa. It didn’t feel right to sit on the bed. He hesitated, before shuffling over and sitting next to you. “I wanted to apologize.”

“For what?” Oh, there were so many things, but he wanted to know what you thought was worth apologizing over. Maybe he wasn’t being fair, he dialed back his attitude a tad.

“For… making you enter into the agreement in the first place. Someone’s affections, their love, their touch and body… it’s not something that can be forced. It should never be pretend.” You felt like the biggest hypocrite ever right now. His head shook a bit in disbelief, blinking hard.

“I wasn’t pretending!” His hands flew to his hair, mussing it. “That was the problem.” He sighed heavily.

“What?” You couldn’t believe what you were hearing.

“I wasn’t being forced… are you… you must be the most oblivious person I’ve ever met.” He laughed cynically.

“But-”

“Wait, wait, why did you think I ended our” he put air quotes up, “ ‘fake’ relationship.” He needed this clarification, now. For closure, for redemption, to fix things, whatever may come next.

“Because… because I was forcing you to date me! You were uncomfortable?!” You could feel your voice begin to break, tears clawing to escape. You’d never felt so disgusted with yourself as you did right now.

“Are you serious?” He took both of your hands, looking you in the eyes. You nod. “Answer truthfully. Do you have feelings for me? Real ones?” You bit your lip, that feeling of selfish guilt creeping like bile up your throat. You nod again. “This whole time?” Another nod. He releases you, turning away. “Sheesh, maybe I’m the oblivious one here…” he spoke more to himself than to you. You both sat in tense silence, not sure what to do, what to say.

“Akira…”

“It was real to me,” he moved closer, trapping you against the end of the couch.

“Really?” Your heartbeat was going crazy, and he leaned ever so slightly closer, his hand on the back of the couch for support. “I broke up with you because it was hurting me to pretend I didn’t have real feelings for you, and to think you didn’t want me back, not for real. I thought… that you’d always think of me as just some character for your book.”

“No… Akira… had I known you felt this way…” He leaned in further, your noses bumping slightly, clumsily. This time, he felt no discomfort, no hesitation from your side. His heart fluttered in excitement. You could feel his breath on your warm cheeks.

“May I kiss you?” He asked again, a secondary, unspoken question sitting beneath his words.

“Yes.” Your voice was shaky, but you were sure, for once, of what you wanted. His hand went to your back, cradling you into his chest to lay down flat against the couch. With a passion he’d been holding back, he pressed his lips to yours without reservation. You sunk into the warm, plush feeling, tilting your head at a better angle. He kept the kiss soft, shallow, low pressure, looking for you to give him the signal to stop. When your arms reached upward, snaking around his neck and pulling him harder down into you, he groaned softly, barely audible, before passing his tongue over your lips a single time. You parted your lips, allowing him access, and his hand, pale and trembling, came up and found its way under the hem of your shirt, splayed nervously against the smooth skin there.

[aspoonofsugar]

Red and Gray in a Black and White World

Carmen Sandiego likes playing with colors.

In particular, VILE is black, while ACME is white.

This is why Carmen’s codename is Black Sheep, which later becomes ironic when she grows to be VILE’s literal “black sheep” and their thorn in the side. At the same time, Shadowsan too has a codename suggesting something dark in color. Of course, his name also foreshadows that he is the one protecting Carmen from the shadows.

Similarly, the ACME’s agent closest to Carmen is Julia Argent aka “silver”. She is not completely “white” and she is able to see the complexity of the world, differently from Devinaux and Zari.

As a matter of fact the whole point is that Carmen refuses a black and white vision of things. She doesn’t want to join VILE, but she doesn’t want to be a part of ACME either:

She wants to use her “wicked skills” for good.

This is a fitting theme for a show whose aim is to help kids learn about geography and how rich Earth is. It conveys the idea of complexity.

In other words, Carmen explores the world and its wonders at her own pace and with her own rules. This is expressed by her color being “red”. Everything about her is red. Her codename, her clothes and even her adoptive family:

Similarly, Gray is another character, who is neither black nor white, but (obviously) gray (duh).

This is made clear in Chief’s speech above and his moral complexity is also what makes his dynamic with Carmen so interesting.

“GRAY” AND “BLACK SHEEP”: NOT MY NAME ANYMORE

Carmen and Gray’s relationship is one of mutual attraction (platonic or romantic does not matter), but also of conflict.

They want the other by their side:

But they can’t agree on which side they should both be:

This is because they both refuse a part of the other. This refusal is well expressed through the name symbolism of both characters.

On one hand Gray keeps calling Carmen Black Sheep:

He refuses her new identity because he does not understand it:

On the other hand Carmen refuses Gray’s VILE persona, but also his civilian one.

This is interesting because her refusal of “Crackle” is something Carmen does willingly:

She does not genuinely understand it, just like Gray does not understand her being Carmen Sandiego.

At the same time, though, Carmen somehow also refuses Gray’s civilian identity and keeps calling him Gray instead of Graham:

Even if the brainwashing makes their friendship easier, Carmen still feels something is amiss. The person in front of her is not really “Gray”, but somehow a “white” version of him. It is not by chance that she is able to partially rebuild their past relationship by involving him in a dangerous mission:

And in this mission Carmen needs Gray’s “wicked skills” that are still a part of him. She becomes Gray’s link to his previous world:

Just like he is the one who symbolically introduces her to what truly means to be a criminal:

And to its harsher aspects:

At the same time, it is interesting that when brainwashed Carmen still refuses the codename Crackle:

And she only uses it when she thinks he has betrayed her:

In that moment it is as if Gray truly became “black” for her and changed from her partner in crime to an enemy.

In short, both characters can’t truly pintpoint who the other really is.

Who is Carmen really? And is Gray good or bad?

The answers to these questions are difficult because Carmen and Gray themselves are not sure until the end of the series.

THE MISSING MATRIOSKA AND BROKEN LIGHTS

Carmen does not know who she is, while Gray is caught up between his wish to be a criminal and his empathic side.

These internal conflicts are well conveyed through specific motifs linked to the two characters.

Firstly, Carmen’s journey of self-discovery is commented by the burnt matrioskas motif:

The matrioskas are what links Carmen to her biological family. They’re the only things she has had since she was born and it is later revealed they’re a toy her father used to calm her down.

At the same time, the matrioskas symbolize Carmen herself. Like her “oldest traveling companions”, she too is made of multiple identities who live inside her and change as she grows. She starts as Lambkins, grows into Carmen Sandiego and finally discovers her identity in  the finale:

Both in terms of her origins and who she wants to be:

The missing matrioska represents both. On one hand it is the link to Carmen’s past and it is symbolically the smallest one (like a baby). On the other hand seeing it makes Carmen remember who she wants to be.

In short, the matrioska is Carmen’s missing piece both when it comes to who she was and to who she will be.

As far as Gray is concerned, him being caught between “light” and “darkness” is conveyed by his electrician’s motif:

Gray’s criminal career started when a light bulb went off. This is an ironic inversion of a light bulb switching on when one has an idea. Still, it also symbolizes a fall to darkness. Gray’s job was supposed to switch lights on, but he chooses to turn them off, so that he can steal.

This motif comes back in season 2 ep 7 where Carmen’s mission is to stop Doctor Bellum from causing dangerous black-outs. This is tied once again to Gray’s character. As a matter of fact not only the objective is to avoid physical blackouts, but also to stop Graham turning back into Crackle once again. The blackout which must be avoided is the one of Gray’s personality.

At the same time, this motif is not as straightforward as it may seem:

As a matter of fact the whole reason Gray has turned into Graham is a metaphorical “black-out”. This is an interesting idea. Gray has left criminality and can have a new beginning and Carmen sees it as a positive thing. However, this whole new identity is a lie built through brainwashing:

Carmen has good intentions and is ultimately proven right about Gray’s good nature. However, she is still ready to accept a persona constructed through an unethical method.

She meets an idealized version of Gray, she realizes something is missing, but still accepts it. This is why she needs to see this illusion shatter and to confront the real Gray once more.

This happens when Gray gets his memories back:

The one on the Himalaya is the second real confrontation between Carmen and Gray after the one on the train.

At this point, we are shown how they have changed and how they have not.

On one hand Carmen is finally forced to accept that Graham was nothing, but an illusion:

However, she does not completely give up on Gray:

Even if confronted with the truth she still hopes Gray will change. It is just that this change to be true should happen because of her friend’s free will and not through a coercion.

On the other hand Gray has grown enough to accept Carmen:

And to realize she will never come back to VILE. However, he still begs her to stop fighting the organization. In short, he has grown a little, but is still asking Carmen to give up on her life mission, just like she wants him to give up on criminality.

The two characters have clearly grown closer, but they are still unable to see eye to eye and this is why they end the episode as enemies, despite this:

There is clearly affection between them, but this affection is not enough to let them overcome their rift. At least not in that moment.

THE FLYING DUTCH AND THE RED PHANTOM

In season 4 ep 4, while Gray is about to make his choice, we hear a song from The Flying Dutch in the background. This is not a surprise because Graham and Carmen’s relationship has also an Opera motif.

Graham works in a operahouse and famous operas pieces comment his relationship with Carmen while brainwashed. They meet at The Carmen, are reunited through The Swan Lake and finally Graham turns into Crackle again while The Flying Dutch is playing.

This last opera is important not only for Graham’s story, but also for Gray’s overall arc. As a matter of fact the story of this opera is one whose main theme is about how love leads to redemption.

This is precisely what happens to Gray in the end.

In particular, he finds himself in the position Carmen was just a while before: he meets an idealized version of Carmen.

Brainwashed Carmen is who Gray has wanted Carmen to be all along. She is loyal to VILE, close to him and in love with stealing.

However, despite Gray having all he ever wanted he quickly realizes he does not like it at all:

Black Sheep realizes she does not want anything to do with VILE after she sees how the organization has transformed Gray.

Similarly, Gray decides to betray VILE after he sees what they did to Carmen. This is interesting because, while Carmen refuses to work both for VILE and for ACME, Gray ends up working for both.

Anyway, in the end Gray leaves VILE out of love.

Not only that, but he shows to have been influenced by Carmen on a deeper level:

It is because of this that Gray survives his final confrontation with his old classmate.

All in all, Gray manages to save himself and he and Shadowsan are the two people that helped Carmen to save herself the most.

At the same time, Gray and Carmen’s story ends on a bittersweet note. They have both hurted each other, but still clearly love each other:

Despite this, they are avoiding each other. This is not something new, if anything Gray’s final choice:

Perfectly mirrors Carmen’s one in the first season:

Both times the two characters decide that the best thing for the other is for them to walk out from their lives. However, I think that both times this is wrong.

Carmen’s decision is later on proven wrong by how the story develops. Gray would have never truly changed if Carmen had not walked in his life again and he would have stayed prisoner of a lie forever.

Gray’s decision happens at the end of the story and seems to be built on this idea:

The idea is that Carmen deserves a normal life. She deserves to stop being a symbol aka Carmen Sandiego and to become a person. She can now live a normal life and meet her mother.

However, even if it seems Carmen will do just that and she even disbands her gang aka her adoptive family, in the end we are shown this:

Carmen has not given up on being Carmen Sandiego and on fighting criminality. Whatever happened after she met her mother, she goes back to her previous identity. This is because Carmen Sandiego is not just a mask she has worn all this time, but it is genuinelly a part of who she is. The difference between the beginning and the end is that Carmen previously was Carmen Sandiego because she did not know who she was, while now she is because she knows.

Carmen will always be both a good person and a thief. She is both and ironically she has told us (and Gray) this since the very beginning:

Because of this, Gray’s worrying he will make Carmen’s life complicated if he even just contacts her is probably false.

Anyway, in the end their relationship has an open ending, but both characters have both realized who they are and who they want to be and they have done so with the other’s help.

[nevermore-the-kitsune]

Pokemon Teams for Fictional Characters pt. 2

Damian Wayne

(Also, I'm not including move sets because in my headcannon Pokemon do remember all their old moves. But humans choose to only use four)

For this AU I'm having the Wayne's own the Gotham City Gym, which specializes in Dark types. Most of the cannon events still happened. Just with a few tweaks here and there. (Dick's 20, Jason's 16, Cass is 15 Tim's 15 but younger than Cass and Damian's 13 because I love AUs where there closer in age).

Anyway here we go!

First things first in the Pokemon Universe his alias wouldn't be Robin since they don't exist. Instead I think it would be Rookidee, since thats the closest Pokemon to a Robin.

His Partner Pokemon and ace would be a Gligar

Name: Goliath

Gender: Male

Why: Gligar screams Goliath (his Batdragon) plus the coloring of his evolutions matches with Dami's Robin and Batman outfits

Story: He found Goliath while climbing a mountain for his training. At the time he was four and Goliath was a hatching. Damian ended up giving him some food, seeing that the hatching was hungry.

Grateful, the Gligar followed him hoping to return the favor.

When Damian's hand got broken on that same trip, Goliath was the one to help him finish his mission and get home safely.

Talia was impressed that Damian could tame a wild Pokemon without catching it, so she allowed him to keep him as his first Pokemon.

-----

Next he would have a Meowth

Name: Alfred

Gender: Female

Why: This one has to do with its evolution. Persian are said to only be loyal to trainers it likes and that it takes a lot to get them to like you. Their also said to be prissy and uptight. This reminded me of Damian. How it took forever for him to trust his brothers and his own snobby attitude. Thus I think it fits.

Story: After coming to live with his father Damian didn't know how to act. He saw his "brothers" and father treating their Pokemon so different than how the League did. They all trained hard. But, there was something eles: warm praise for a job well done, asking for insight on a case (they had taught their bipedal pokemon sighn language) and comfort on a bad day. His father and brothers treated their Pokemon like... people

In the League Pokemon where the lowest soldier, lower than the slaves or concubines. They trained, ate then they had to and got in their ball.

He had been a little more lenient in his training with Goliath. When asked he said that he was still a baby and he had to take things slow in this stage or he might develop too much muscle mass and be unable to fly.

He had kept him out of his ball with the excuse of developing muscle mass at a proper pace.

He liked Goliath's company. The Gligar was a good companion. But on the same level as another person?

He had expressed these thoughts to Pennyworth, the only person in the house to give him a straight answer when he needed it.

Pennyworth had explained to him that some people love to hold power over others and that Pokemon where an easy target, since they couldn't communicate their emotions as clearly as people could.

"Think of Mistress Cain. She sometimes cannot communicate with words, but we know that she's intelligent. But some people see her as less than intelligent and treat her as such because of the power it gives them."

Two weeks later Damian would come across a group of teenagers attempting to shave a Meowth. The Pokemon was little more than skin and bone and crying out on pain. So, Damian broke their fingers and shaved part of their heads for good measure.

He kept the Meowth and named her after the man who taught him about the abuse of power.

---

Next, a Poochyena

Name: Titus

Gender: Male

Why: These Pokemon and their evolution are ruthless with their pray, and only obey trainers with external skill.

Story: Raven gave Damian Titus as a gift. She said that she rescued him from an underground fighting ring (where the battles are to the death). He was still to young to battle so he didn't need much rehabilitation. The other Pokemon there though...

---

Now we have a Type Null

Name: Heretic

Gender: ???

Why: This Pokemon was created in lab, and artificial designed for the purpose of fighting, just like Damian. True I could have given him Mewtwo, but that cat seems to fit Kon more.

Story: Damian's mother had spent years creating Type: Null with the purpose of being able to kill any target. As a last test she wanted to see which of her creations was suppirrior. So she sent the Type Null out to (try and) kill her son.

Damian, with the rest of his team, beat the Pokemon but couldn't kill it. He had long since vowed to wash the blood from his hands. Instead he offered his hand to it and asked it to join him.

---

Here we have the hardest to explain... Mimikyu

Name: Habibi (I hope I spelled that right)

Gender: Female

Why: Damian is complex, he wants to be accepted and loved just like Mimikyu but dosent know how. Both try to mimic others in order to get that love, Damian his father and Mimikyu Pikachu. So I see this as Damian's spirit Pokemon in a way.

Story: He didn't know why it was so hard to fit in. Gods know he tried. But... little things confused him. Like how eveyone could understand each other without words or singhing. He had no problems with that on a battlefield, but in day to day life; it felt like he was on a separate server.

Like how Todd knew at breakfast with just a look that Drake was in a bad mood and how to help. Or how Grayson could audomadicly tell what kind of day at school the rest of them had withen a few minutes. Hell even Drake could tell what grunts ment what from father! Which ment good job, Which ment I'm glade your okay, or frustration either at them or at a case (Cass didn't surprise him, she had to learn how to communicate without words and watch body language and micro expressions).

School was no better; sometimes it was to load or bright othertimes, when everyone was doing a test, it felt to quiet. But, to much or to little, Damian was always aware of every movement, every sound. It was like the very instincts that saved his life every night where turned against him.

He turned to his nearly forgotten childhood habits to distract himself from everything around him. That only led to more whisper shouting and what even he could tell where displeased glares with a grunt of "fucking tapping" or a snap of "stop!" He knew it was disrupting but it was all be could do to drown out the noise or silence.

On one particularly bad day at school; apparently during one of their tests one of his classmates had had enough of Damian's tapping and decided to make a scene.

There was some yelling from the kid. A few cries in agreement. Before the teacher had gotten hem to settle down. He had demanded that Damian look him in the eye and when he finally did told him to stop with the tapping or else he would be sent to the office, Gym Leaders son or not.

He was the last to finish that test where he normally finished first. The silence had been to load!!

After that clusterfuck Damian finally headed home. He had texted Grayson saying that he was meeting a friend somewhere to work on a project and to not pick him up. In truth he didn't want his brother reading what kind of day he had had. He needed some time to himself.

That was how he found himself in a nearby park. It was filled with plenty of sounds that didn't suffocate him and the fall leaves where soothing to his eyes. Damian had Titus out of his ball as company, knowing that the pup loved park walks.

They had been walking for an hour when they came across a box set off just on the edge of the trail. "Free to Good Homes" was written on the side in black sharpie.

No sound was coming from inside, so he assumed that the had all been taken. Until Titus went closer sniffing at the seemingly empty box.

"Pooch Pooch"

"Hmmm... what is is it boy?" He asked as he walked closer to his Pokemon and the Box. Damian hoped he was wrong. It was cruel to leave a baby Pokemon all alone, especially since the weather was getting colder by the day.

Inside the box was in fact a lone Pokemon. At first glance it looked like a Pikachu. But something was off. It looked more like a doll than a living creature. If it wasn't for the small chirps it let out and slight way that it was shivering from the cold Damian would have written it off as a toy. No wonder it got left behind...

Damian reached down and picked up the mystery Pokemon as gently as he could.

"Come on beloved, lets go home."

He tucked the Pokemon in his jacket to warm it up before reaching for his phone to call Grayson for a ride home.

That night Damian locked himself away, even skipped patrol, and spent a sleepless night learning everything he could about his newest Pokemon.

---

That was inspired by this comic

---

Finaly, for his last spot Eevee!!

Name: Omni

Gender: Female

Why: I'm going to have all the Batfam members have an Eeveelution. This branch and the Batfam are both growing consistently. We all have our favorites but we love them all the same. So I think it fits.

Story: Everyone in the family had an Eevee or one of its evolutions. Damian's Father said that Eevee was the Wayne family symbol, it was potential, the ability to become whatever you wanted.

Though it surprised Damian that the Wayne symbol wasn't a Noibat or Noivern (Batman's ace) at first he eventually understood the logic in choosing such a Pokemon to represent the family name. That only made things harder for him being the only one not having one. Did they not truly see him as family?

On the one year anniversary of Damian arriving at The Mannor, his family through a small party. Pennyworth made his favorite foods, The Mannor was decorated in tacky streamers (Graysons' idea) and they watched some of Damian's favorite fims, their Pokemon curled up with them. His father had offered to take the day off from the gym. Until Todd suggested that Damian take on the challengers.

The Gotham gym was part of his heritage. Damian had been training for the day that he could finally help weed out the weak challengers just like his siblings sometimes did (think the battles you do before challenging a gym leader in the games).

On that day, if the challengers agreed to it, their final battle wasn't with Bruce Wayne the Dark Knight but instead his son. Most accepted thinking that it would be an easy win, that they had lucked out in not having to battle one of the stongest Gym Leaders in the League and could still get the Shadow Badge.

Those poor fools.

Damian was only allowed to use Alfred, Titus and Habibi since he used Goliath and Heretic primarily as Rookidee.

Damian fought seven trainers that day in 3v3 fights. Only two of them got the badge.

With the day overwith and the night rising, so did Gothams' protecters.

The night ended with exhausted body's and adrenaline crashes. Damian was ready to slip into a mini coma from the day he had but before he could head upstairs to The Mannor...

"Not so fast baby bat." Graysons' voice called out to him. "We got one more surprise for you."

Damian raised his eyebrow at that. What else could they do? His father came back from the locker rooms where he had been desuiting, it always took him the longest because of his "old man bones" as Todd said.

"Son," his father said "its Wayne tradition to get your first Pokemon when you turn ten years old. I missed that with you." He paused, eyes briefly shifting to the floor before they snapped back on Damian's face. "Luckily there's one tradition we didn't miss. When you've lived at The Mannor for a year or the adoption papers get finalized, I give my children this..."

He pulled a Poke'ball out of his poket and handed to Damian. "Go on son, let them out."

He did

Staring at him was his own Eevee.

---

AN: All of Damian's Pokemon (sans maybe Omni, I'm thinking of leaving her as an Eevee) will eventually evolve. Eventually.

[htub]

I think what's really most painful to me about Lex's treatment is how much I see myself in him tbh. Putting this baby under a cut to be polite but the last post i reblogged illicited Thoughts and I'm being very autistic about this rn.

I don't wanna get too personal but I also don't actually care so just look. Look. He's just like me fr. This boy's been fucked over constantly from childhood but he's trying, he's trying so hard and so much. And yea, my mother died when I was a kid and left me to be raised by an abusive father, and I got bullied by my classmates, my teachers, even my goddamned therapists that were supposed to help me not make me worse. I swear I'm not trying to make this a sob story, I'm just saying my life was Not Fun, alright? I was just straight up not having a very good time. And one day years ago I just decided this sucks, people suck, and well I want it to be better and for that someone's gotta start. I don't ever want to make anybody feel the way I felt, the way people made me feel, so I'm choosing to do better because this cycle ends with me. So I'm actively trying to treat everyone how I want to be treated, even if they don't do the same, but a lot of times - most of the time - they really do not to the same so it's honestly pretty one-sided and not that peachy. Though thankfully I got no aliens gaslighting me yet, I think. Probably.

Still I'm nowhere near as good as Lex, and my god do I want to be like him, and obviously I also lack the money and influence he has, but I very much try. As much as I hate to admit it, I actually take after my dad a lot, and people even comment on how alike we are when they meet us together, but my dad's an asshole and doing better is a choice. A choice I actively make every day, because it's not how I was raised and not my instinctive behavior. I honestly was raised to be a piece of shit. And it's not always easy, and what I'm trying to say with this incoherent rambling is just, I get it. I get it way too much.

Normally this is why I'm drawn to Superman as a character, because he's got the same goodness I hope to have as well, the same kindness and forgiveness and just love. I'm getting the symbol tattooed on my arm for crying out loud. It's important to me.

But Smallville is really wanting to hurt me in different ways so they're instead giving me someone who's much more like me in backstory and personality and then they're making me watch him get broken into pieces, and there's no happy ending. Knowing there's no happy ending is the worst part. Normally fiction is an escape from reality, but this time it's too realistic, because yep, that's what the world does. It fucks us all over with no mercy, but that's not what I want to see! I want to see this boy be loved! And knowing I won't get that sucks.

And I'm still gonna be the best I can be even if I know the world's definitely headed downhill, because that's the kind of person I want to be, but the hopelessness and despair that comes with watching Lex's character arc is truly a new level of anguish I've received from a damn TV show. Congratulations on that, Smallville. I guess. At whoever was in charge of this, I hope you'll be pleased to know my therapist asks about this damn show every single week, unprompted. He's got it written down in his notes and everything. Probably not the most healthy reaction to a two decades old tv show? But like, I got all the DVDs. I cherish them. I love this show. Don't know if I'll ever actually watch it because it clearly is not good for my mental health but I love it. I hate it too. It just didn't have to go there, you know? That was just low.

[moostaronce]

Over the Heart

Request: omg that jinsoul one was so cute! can you do one for olivia hye with some angst? thank you!

A/N I’m glad you liked it! I hope this one is to your liking as well.

Pairing: Olivia Hye x Fem Reader

How did things get so screwed up? Just 24 hours ago Hyejoo thought she’d be in your arms right now, not watching you walk away from her in disappointment. In fact, she’s disappointed in herself too. It all started last night when Yeojin went to Sooyoung for advice. A classmate of hers that knew you mentioned that they had seen you on a date to Yeojin since they knew you were friends. Obviously, the maknae is aware that you’re in a relationship with Hyejoo, so she sought Sooyoung’s advice before going straight to Hyejoo. Sooyoung ended up telling her on Yeojin’s behalf.

At first, it didn’t bother her. She told them to mind their business if they didn’t see anything themselves. I mean, why would she listen to something Yeojin’s classmate thought they saw. So She brushed it off and never even brought it up to you. Then, one afternoon Sooyoung came to her again and said that this time she saw you herself and presented Hyejoo with a picture. It was you and a foreign-looking blonde girl laughing together at the cafe that you usually frequent with Hyejoo.

Obviously, now that there was clear evidence the raven-haired girl couldn't help the sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach. How could you do this and still come smile in her face like that? It didn't go as planned though. She wanted to confront you about your alleged affair but she didn't know how to. She thought about how she could approach you but she actually let it fester for almost a week before making any move.

Then came today, only minutes before this exact moment had she looked at you and put forth the accusations. Except now she was the one left crying as you revealed the truth.

"Hyejoo, she's a foreign exchange student at my school. We were language exchanging. She's been teaching me Russian every other day so I can learn it and teach you too and I've been helping her improve her English. I was trying to create another excuse for us to spend time together that BBC wouldn't mind. Is this how little you think of your own girlfriend?"

The hurt in your eyes only moments ago left her dumbfounded. She hated how you looked at her right now. Your beautiful eyes brimming with yet unshed tears and the way you clenched the promise ring that you had put on a necklace and you never took off. But she could actually hear her own heart start cracking in half when you reach up to take it off.

"Wait! J-Jagi you can't be serious. It was a misunderstanding, what are you doing right now?"

Hyejoo could feel sweat beginning to form on her brow and her distress levels were through the roof. You never took your ring off. Never.

"Clearly you can't trust me Hyejoo, maybe we need some time apart. Let's just take a break." You finally unclasp the necklace and place it in the palm of Hyejoo's reluctant hand.

There it was 'Let's take a break.' She had heard from her older members that always meant that it was over without saying it's over. The deflated look on her face must have triggered your affections for her because you gave her one more hug before you turned around.

"It's just a break Hyejoo, not a breakup."

With that, you turned around and began walking away. Hyejoo didn't call out for you she just let the tears fall silently. What could she say? You needed space and she wanted to give you that. She clenches your ring in her hand as hot tears spill from her eyes, effectively blinding her from the sight of your back. The physical symbol of your love, no longer hovering over your heart, where it belongs, but burning itself into the palm of her hand.

When you're gone she returns to the dorms where all of her members are sitting in the living room watching TV. Gowon looks over at the sound of the door but frowns when she sees her friend with tears streaming down her face.

"Hyejoo?" All the members turn to her with worried looks and then a collective gasp is heard when she holds up your necklace for them to see.

"She thinks it's best we take a break." Hyejoo's voice comes out the smallest they've ever heard it. But the two people she didn't even want to look at right now were the first to speak up.

"She wanted a break? After cheating on you with that random girl?" Yeojin practically screamed.

"I oughtta go over there and teach her a lesson myself," Sooyoung grumbled.

"Shut up." She said it so quiet that they almost missed it.

Tensions multiply in the room as the other members spectate what's about to go down. On one hand, Yeojin reads the room and gets quiet immediately. On the other, Sooyoung looks prepared to do battle with the younger girl.

"Excuse me?" Her tone is meant to be intimidating, meant to shut down any further disrespect or argument. It may have worked if she wasn't trying it on Hyejoo of all people.

"I said shut up! Because of you and Yeojin, I may have just lost my girlfriend forever! She wasn't cheating on me, that girl is a foreign exchange student that's living with her family. Now she wants a break but she gave the ring back. Why can't she keep it if she's planning on coming back to me?" With each sentence, her shouting turned into a whimper.

Hyejoo didn't have the strength to walk off and cry in private, so she broke down right there in front of her members. The girls watched in panic and shock as Hyejoo let out a sob that racked her whole body, only pain in her body and mind. Jiwoo was the first to move, she cautiously approached the younger girl and pulled her into a hug. Hyejoo didn't protest. Instead, she clung to her like a lifeline. Heejin approached next to rub her back.

"What exactly did Y/N say? Did she say it's over?" Gowon asked her softly.

"She said it's just a break, not a breakup. But if that's true why give the ring back? And why does it hurt so much?" Her crying has slightly subsided but she makes no moves to pull away from HeeChuu. In fact, having her two affectionate members' warmth around her was kind of soothing. Meanwhile, Sooyoung and Yeojin kept their distance out of fear they might trigger her even more.

"See? Y/N wouldn't have said that if she didn't mean it Hye. Maybe she felt like keeping it on would make her change her mind. I'm sure she just needs to clear her head."

Haseul pats her on the back a few times but the truth is they are all kind of worried. The two of you have never had so much as a mild argument let alone something like this. When she brought you home to meet them for the first time they started joking that Hyejoo would be the first to marry in the group and it would definitely be to you.

"Give her the rest of today and then give her a call in the morning." Jinsoul pet Hyejoo on the head, much to the younger girl's annoyance.

"But she said-" Jinsoul cuts her off.

"I know what she said Joojoo. But it sounds to me like she wants to know you trust her and it couldn't hurt to show her you'll be waiting for her. You are gonna wait right?" Jinsoul's eyebrow quirks up as she asks the question.

"As long as it takes."

"Then show her you don't want to just let her go."

"In fact, if I were you I'd just ask to meet up later this week to talk it over and hopefully cut this break as short as possible." Hyunjin suddenly speaks up.

"That's not a bad idea Hyunjin! Why don't you call her tomorrow afternoon Hye?" Heejin suggests.

"Fine, I'll try it."

That night Hyejoo could hardly sleep. You were supposed to stay over tonight. Be in her arms right this moment spreading your warmth around her and reminding her just how lucky she was to be the one you chose. Though you would definitely say it's the other way around.

By the time morning rolled around Hyejoo had maybe slept an hour. Oddly enough, at least to the others in the living room, she shuffled through the dorm with her pillow until she reached Jiwoo and Heejin's room. She knocks three times before she walks in after hearing Jiwoo's groggy voice. When she enters she sees exactly what she expected. Jiwoo and Heejin cuddled up in Jiwoo's bottom bunk. She could ask for Heejin's empty top bunk but that's not what she wanted right now. As the two girls look up at her in sleepy confusion, they don't make her say it. Heejin stands up while rubbing her eyes and gestures towards Jiwoo's open arms. With very little hesitation she situates her pillow on the bed and climbs into the older girl's embrace before Heejin follows right behind and wraps her arms around Hyejoo too.

There's no denying that this is unusual for all three of them but no one says anything because at least she's finding comfort in not one but two of her members. There was just something so comforting and warm about being in the arms of the two best friends. For one, she knows they care for her, they always look after her even when she isn't in the mood. Maybe it's the emotion from yesterday or maybe she just needs them to know but it's quiet when she mumbles it out and makes the two older girls' hearts melt.

"I love you unnies. Thank you."

They look at each other over Hyejoo's head and smile.

"We love you too Joojoo."

-------------------------------

That afternoon, they sat with Hyejoo while she called you on the phone. As usual, when you weren't busy, you picked up her call on the second ring. It's silence on both ends of the line until she croaks out a vulnerable 'Hey' that you returned with the same energy. She's slightly comforted by Heejin's squeeze on her hand.

"So I know you said you wanted a break but will you meet up with me?" She hears you sigh and say her name but she interrupts with an almost panicked pleading in her voice.

"Y/n, please. I need to see you. I can't accept this break without talking through the problem first. I love you, let me fix it."

You couldn't see her but you could hear the shakiness in her voice. Though you've been together a while now, you don't think you've ever heard her this distraught. But you didn't even really have to think about it because the truth is, you want to see her too.

"Okay." It's practically a whisper but it's all she needs to squeeze Heejin back and perk up a bit, much to the older girl's delight.

"Meet me at our spot?" Her voice holds so much hope that you can't help giggling a little.

"Okay, Hyejoo I'll meet you there tomorrow morning."

"Y/n before you hang up...Can you say it back?" She sounds shy and if you could see how beet red she was from the looks on her member's faces you'd tease the heck out of her.

"I love you too Hyejoo."

With that you end the call, both of you excited to see the other. Vivi comes and pats her on the head with a warm sisterly smile before they are all talking about what she should wear for her meeting with you.

The next morning, she's there about a half-hour early, not wanting to be late and make you feel unimportant. When you arrive you look as beautiful as ever. It starts off awkward with the two of you just looking at each other. Then, you speak up.

"I uh I've missed you. Ya know, even though it's been 2 days." You chuckle, trying to keep it light.

"2 days too long. I missed you too." She deadpans. You're only caught off guard a little but recover quickly.

"I just worry that you don't trust me. You should know by now that I'd never even think about someone else like that."

"I do! It's just that some of the members saw you out with her a few times and it made me nervous. I thought she might be better than me and she is really pretty."

"Jagi I'm sorry but Galina could never. You're the only one and you always will be." You reach across the table and kiss her hand.

"Does this mean break over?" Hyejoo sniffles a little as she holds back tears.

"I don't know yet Hye. I'm still a little disappointed that you think so little of me." Hyejoo hangs her head so you can't see the tears threatening to fall.

"Don't be Y/N unnie!" Suddenly Yeojin is standing over the booth right behind you and you both hear Sooyoung grunt in frustration.

"We came to apologize. Yeojin heard some things and I saw you out. I should've just asked you about it one on one instead of going to Hyejoo. We're sorry Y/N." Sooyoung places a gentle hand on your shoulder and Yeojin nods.

"It was a misunderstanding, I didn't mean to cause problems for you and Hyejoo unnie. Please don't break up with her."

You're still a little shocked by their sudden appearance but you get it together and place your hand on Yeojin's head and give Sooyoung a warm smile.

"Don't apologize. I'm glad you both were looking out for her. That makes me incredibly happy. And I'm not breaking up with anyone. Everything is going to be okay."

Hyejoo looks up at you through her lashes.

"Really?" You almost coo at how adorable your girlfriend looks right now.

"Really." Seeing your smile again gives Hyejoo the warm and fuzzies.

"Then hurry up and put this back on before I get mad."

Before you can really react Hyejoo is clasping your promise ring back around your neck and watching it rest where it always should be. Right over your heart.

[pradaksj]

ghostin || part one. (m.)

all rights reserved © pradaksj

↳do not repost, translate, or claim as your own.

❧ summary ⟶  ❝Though I wish he were here instead. Don't want that living in your head, he just comes to visit me when I'm dreaming every now and then. ❞

❧ pairing⟶ seokjin/reader

❧ genre⟶  angst, angst, and angst … did i say angst? + a bit of fluff? friends to lovers. 

❧ word count ⟶ 20,000+ 

❧ warnings ⟶ major character death! sad ending. descriptions of grieving process. 

❧ a/n ⟶ this is based on both ghostin by ariana grande and the one that got away by katy perry and pluto projector by rex orange county which has a godlike violin instrumental that is a perfect fit for this story. i def recommend listening to the slowed + reverb versions. + i tried to make transitions as clear as possible so please let me know how i did on those :(  and lastly ermmm dont stress too much on specific time stamps and ages bc ermmm I just did quick maths for a lot of it LMAO

❧ part of the  ⟶ thank u, next series

part 1 || part 2 (final) 

2050.

“Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday dear grandma, happy birthday to you!” the sound of multiple claps echo across the room, symbolizing the start of a new year for you. 

Today was your 75th birthday celebration and around you were your two grandkids along with your only daughter. It seemed as the years went by, the need for such grand celebrations weren’t as important as they used to be. A simple cutting of the cake surrounded by the people you love being enough to suffice.

“Grandma! You have to blow the candles out!” your youngest grandson eagerly reminds you, ready to blow them out himself if you didn’t take action soon, “and don’t forget to make a wish and don’t tell us or else it won’t come true!”

“Mm,” you smile warmly, gently closing your eyes and puffing a gentle huff of air, your mind blank of any wishes, for you had stopped believing in the magic of wishes a long long time ago.

“Alright, now to cut it … Jia go grab a cutting knife from the block set,” you hear your daughter command your oldest grandchild, who at this moment was clearly too consumed with whatever she had going on in her phone to even bother listening, “Jia!” she finally snaps her head up at the sound of her mother’s voice raising an octave, “How many times do I have to tell you to stop using that phone so much, not only is it rude but we’re celebrating your grandma’s birthday. The least you can do is have the courtesy to turn off your phone.”

She rolls her eyes in response, “Mom, I’m sure grandma doesn’t mind … right grandma?” she flashes you the toothy grin that you were used to seeing whenever she wanted something, knowing she’s always had a special place in your heart as the first grandchild.  

All you can do is chuckle softly, feeling too old to entertain and be dragged into the bickering arguments between your daughter and granddaughter. Carefully you get up yourself and grab a cutting knife despite your daughter’s pleas to sit.

“Look at what you’ve made your grandma do Ji—” but before your daughter could continue with her scolding, you raise a hand as a gesture of interrupting.

“I’m old, but I’m not that old Yeojin, getting up to grab a knife isn’t the end of the world for me,” you sigh, “Now let’s stop with all of the bickering and eat some cake.”

It was odd really, growing up you could never exactly picture yourself getting to this age (not that you weren’t ever hoping to), but like any other person you just always pictured yourself being young forever. 

It wasn’t until your first gray hair appeared several years ago that it suddenly struck you that you really were actually aging. From there the wrinkles upon your skin grew to be more prevalent and things you had no problem doing when you were in your teenage years began to consume much more energy from you. 

And now that you observed yourself in the mirror, here on your 75th birthday, did you realize that life had really gone by in the blink of an eye. 

Of course 75 wasn’t too old of an age, but now retired and living under the light supervision of your nearly 50 year old daughter, you had long ago realized that the days of wild adventures and endless partying were long over. In a way it was time to start asking yourself if you had lived a life you could be proud of and if you fulfilled the promise you made over 50 years ago. 

Honestly, you were unsure, but before you could dwell on your thoughts for any longer, the sound of an argument going on downstairs catches your attention.

“Hand me the phone Jia!” you hear your daughter’s voice yell across the room as you made your way into the living room.

“I said no! I’m not twelve anymore, you can’t just make me hand you my things whenever you want,” Jia scoffs in return, adamant on her rebellious stance.

“Considering that I’m the one whose paying that phone bill every month, I wouldn’t exactly call it yours little lady,” Yeojin sternly furrows her brows while her hand continued to remain held out, her patience running on a thin line, “Jia if you don’t give me that phone then—”

“What?” she interrupts, challenging whatever her mother was going to say. With your newly profound headache growing by the second, you grab the keys to your small old Toyota, deciding that you weren’t going to be helping handle this on your birthday. 

Their voices, which became nothing more than background noise while you grabbed your winter jacket, were brought back to your attention once you were making your way out the door.

“Mom where are you going?” Yeojin asks before you could run off, “It’s raining and you shouldn’t be driving at this hour of night.”

“And why is that?”

“Because Grandma you’re—” Jia suddenly chimes in, “well you’re um—” old, is what you know your granddaughter wants to say, but out of respect chooses not to.  

You sigh, “I’m just going to the diner to grab myself a late night snack while you two continue with your useless arguing. Hopefully when I come back, you two will have realized how pointless these arguments are.”

“Mom—” Yeojin begins, but almost as if a lightbulb went off in her head, she suddenly grabs Jia’s phone while she was distracted in watching you leave, “Go with your grandma,” she commands, and Jia’s eyes immediately go wide.

“Hey you can’t just—” Jia’s about to complain until she sees the firm look on her mother’s face, “But—” she glances in your direction, knowing that just like her mom, she wouldn’t feel too good having you out driving this late at night, especially on a rainy day.

“You cried about getting your permit for months, now is the time to put it to use,” Yeojin sends her knowing look, recalling the number of months that Jia would complain about all of her classmates getting either their permits or license’s while she was still stuck taking the bus. 

“Ugh,” she groans, “Fine, grandma wait for me in the car,” she ultimately says. After putting on her shoes, Jia begins to make her way out to the car, but not before her mother stops her midway to tell her to “Drive safe.”

“Mom, I know,” she scoffs, “but don’t expect me to spend hours there or something. We’re strictly going for whatever food she wants and back. No way in hell are we dining in.”  

To that, Yeojin laughs. There was no way her mother wouldn’t want to dine in, but deciding she’d let Jia figure that out on her own, instead she says, “Well as long as you listen to whatever your grandma has to say to you then I don’t mind what time you come back.”

“That’s if she doesn’t put me to sleep first,” Jia mumbles to herself, but still loud enough for her mother to hear. 

One could say, she wasn’t exactly looking forward to spending one on one time with her grandma, not without her phone at least. Of course that didn’t mean she didn’t love her grandma to death because truly she did, but often she found herself halfway asleep whenever she had long conversations with her. The same old endearing “you and your mother need to learn to communicate” or the “back in my day” conversations were quite repetitive.

“Mm, you need to start putting that attitude of yours under control little lady,” Yeojin shakes her head in disapproval, “I understand that your grandma can be a bit…”

“Boring,” Jia completes the sentence for her.

“Tedious,” Yeojin corrects, “at times, but occasionally she has an interesting story to tell here and there,” she chuckles, “so don’t count her out just yet. You may be surprised with whatever story she has prepared to tell.”

And with that all Jia could do was sigh, preparing for the long night ahead.

“Grandma, we’ve been here for like 2 hours now,” Jia complains, staring at you as you ate your BLT sandwich, the sound of both loud and pleased munches coming out of your mouth, “You’re really telling me you’re not full yet?”

With a mouthful of food in your mouth, you shake your head no. It isn’t until you gulp down your food that you’re able to verbally give a response, “You know I’m a slow eater, plus it’s my birthday. You don’t hear me complain on your birthday, do you?”

To that, Jia remained silent. She guessed you had a point, not like there was much left for an elderly lady like you to do. The least she could do was suck up her complaints, and deal with it. It just sucked that whenever she looked up at the wall clock it seemed like time was moving as slow as a snail. 

God, how she should’ve somehow managed to take back her phone. It also didn’t help that those “stories” her mom had mentioned weren’t planning on making an appearance tonight because all you did was silently eat your food and stare out the window. 

Honestly, Jia hadn’t expected much but it seemed as if today you were even quieter than usual, not even bothering to make the small conversation you usually did, like asking her how school was going or if she had a boyfriend yet (not that she ever responded truthfully). So in short, you were doing absolutely nothing to appease Jia’s boredom.

All Jia could do was tap her nails against the old diner’s table and observe the other late night foodies around you two. 

The first person she noticed was a middle aged man who was eating a burger along with a strawberry shake. Based on his tiresome appearance and the hat he wore, she could only assume that he was most likely a trucker who needed to make a pit stop.

The second person she noticed was not a single person, but a group of three. A father, a mother, and their little daughter. The sight of them tugging slightly at her heart strings, reminding her of a time in her childhood before her parents’ divorce. If only she had appreciated those moments a little more while they were happening.

Deciding that she wasn’t in the mood for nostalgic sulking, she instead focused her attention on the last set of people in the diner. A couple, who was only a couple of feet away from you two, seated in one of the booths rather than at a table like Jia and you. 

The young man, who Jia assumed was in his mid 20′s, was seated with a woman who was just as good looking as him. The two of them sat facing across from one another rather than besides each other, the serious look on their faces clearly signaling that whatever they were talking about was of importance.

It wasn’t until she took a clearer look at the woman that she realized she was crying, the sounds of her whimpers becoming clearer once she had taken note of the woman’s disheveled appearance. It looked like she had been crying for hours, her hand holding onto the man’s at the center of the table as if begging him to stay…

“Yejin we just can’t be together anymore,” Jia overhears the man say, and it’s only then that she realizes that the woman is begging him to stay.  

“Jimin, all I’m asking is why?” she hears the woman plead, her voice sounding weak and defeated, “I just— I just don’t understand—” she manages to stutter the sentence out, “Does it have to do with what you were telling me the other night? About feeling incompenent with your career?”

He vigorously shakes his head no, prepared to deny the accusation, “No—”

But she’s quick to cut him off, “Because if it is,” she squeezes his hand tighter, “I already told you I don’t care. I don’t care if you’re the poorest or richest man on the planet, okay? As long as I’m with you, I just don’t care,” she repeats, “You’re my person Jimin,” the woman, who Jia now identified as Yejin, with whatever energy she had left, forced a small smile to grace upon her lips. 

A small smile that spoke nothing but genuine love for the man across from her, but with eyes that were desperately hoping for a small sign that the man in front of her would break, “You’re all I have.”

The man, Jimin, instead of reciprocating the warm gesture, pulls his hands away, forcing himself to be the ultimate bad guy in this story. 

This was for the best he reasoned with himself, not for him, but for her. 

The woman in front of him who he loved so much that he couldn’t bear the thought of denying her a future where she’d have to worry everyday about what their future held, even if it meant not being with him, 

“It’s for that reason that we can’t….” he clears his throat, “After tonight we’ll be nothing more than strangers.” he says in a voice that hid any feeling of despair he felt, saving the emotion for later when he was by himself.

“Please,” her voice breaks, “Jimin please,” a single teardrop falls from her eye, “Our future, it'll be worth it, I promise. Every stupid stubborn inch of it because as long as I’m by your side we’ll get through anything. And when we’re old and gray we’ll laugh about this stupid conversation—”

“Yejin—”

“No,” Yejin shakes her head vigorously, desperately fighting tooth and nail for her boyfriend of 7 years and her childhood friend of even more, the person she thought she’d been through it all with, “I refuse to—”

“Yejin!” he firmly interrupts her before she could continue, unsure of just how much more he could hear, “Look at me.” Fuck Yejin. Don’t do this to me. Just accept it., was all he could think at the moment, “I’m—” for a second he struggles to say the words, struggles to officially shatter the heart that had trusted him enough to show itself completely bare, “I’m doing this for me. I’m choosing me. And I don’t know what else I can say or do for you to realize that,” how disgusting it felt to spew the lies out of his mouth.

And it was once he said those words, that Yejin no longer fought against what was happening. It was then that Jimin knew, she had finally accepted it. 

The two sat there in silence for what felt like an eternity, until Yejin grabbed her keys from the table, mustering the courage to be the first one to leave, but not before planting a soft kiss on top of Jimin’s head, a final gesture of good bye.

Jia, who’d witness the whole heartbreaking scene play out in front of her, struggled to tear her eyes away. But it was once she did, that she had noticed she wasn’t the only one who had paid attention to the break up.

Watching the couple, you looked as if you’d seen a ghost, truly at a loss for words. Never did you imagine you’d witness history repeat itself.

A voice breaks you away from your thoughts, “Grandma, are you okay?” Jia warily asks, concerned with why you looked so shocked.

“Oh,” you blink rapidly as if being brought back to reality, “Yeah, it’s just—” you glance at the booth once again, watching the man sulk in his seat. 

His head was leaned against the glass window, dazedly looking at the view outside. By now his eyes were puffy, the emotions he had kept bottled in, now manifesting itself in the salty tears that were now silently falling down his face. 

And before you could think twice, you grabbed the extra sandwich you had ordered and began to walk towards his booth, Jia following behind with a shocked expression.

“Grandma, what are you doing?!” she asks in a panicky tone, but before she could stop you from doing anything, you were already standing beside the booth the man was in. 

The dirty-blonde haired man turns his attention towards the two of you, a worn out expression on his face.

“You seem like you could use this,” you offer him the sandwich with a warm smile on your face, “a young man like you shouldn’t be in such distress, or else you’ll end up with wrinkles like mine,” you try to joke around, an attempt to brighten the mood. 

He lets out a forced chuckle, showing you that despite his down mood, he was still a very polite young man through and through.

“You don’t mind if we…” you stare at the seat across from him, signaling that you were hoping to sit. 

He looks as if he wants to say no, shyly avoiding eye contact for a moment, unsure of how to reject a kind old woman.

“Oh it’s just that um—” but before he could spew out an excuse, you were already making yourself comfortable in the booth, your granddaughter hesitantly sitting in the spot next to him, still giving you the “What are you doing” eyes. 

He feigns an awkward smile, scolding himself for being so timid. It wasn’t that he didn’t appreciate the kind gesture, for any other day he would’ve been more than happy to receive a free BLT sandwich and make conversation with an elder, but tonight … well tonight he just wanted to sulk in his own misery.

“So what is a young man like you doing out here so late at night?” you ask, the closed eye smile on your face causing your wrinkles to protrude. 

He remains silent, unsure of what to respond with, “Was that your girlfriend just now who left?” you boldly ask, the phrase “having a filter” clearly not in your dictionary.

“Grandma!” Jia frantically says, “Sir I’m sorry, we’ll leave now,” she forces an awkward laugh, now getting up from the booth, “she can be a bit pushy—”

“She’s my ex now,” he surprisingly answers, catching not only Jia but himself off guard. 

You on the other hand remain with a warm sympathetic smile on your face. 

Honestly, he wasn’t sure what came over him to be so straightforward. He’d been holding so much in for so long, he figured that maybe it wouldn’t hurt to talk to a random old lady and her granddaughter for a night. Not like he’d ever see them again, right?

Letting out a bitter scoff directed at himself, he continues, “I broke up with her just now Mrs—”

“Ms. y/l/n,” you correct him, “and this is my granddaughter Jia,” you signal to Jia to sit back down, and she watches the two of you with wary eyes, confused by the sudden conversational exchange between the two of you. 

Hmm, well she did want to know why he broke up with his girlfriend, so maybe it wouldn’t hurt to just sit and listen for a bit. Shaking his hand, she seats herself once more.

“You don’t seem too happy about your break up, for someone who did the breaking that is…” you lightheartedly comment, secretly analyzing his tense posture. Though relaxing just a bit, it was clear that he still didn’t feel completely comfortable sharing the details of his private life. It wasn’t surprising really, you were nothing more than a stranger. It wasn’t like you expected him to be so open, not right away at least, “you don’t mind me asking why?”

“Because—” he pauses for a moment, trying to find the right words, “we—” he sighs, holding back, “we just weren’t meant to be,” he ultimately says with a small sad smile on his face. 

You stare at him for what feels like an eternity, a frown now on your face.

“And what makes you say that?” you ask. 

He gulps, the intense stare from both you and Jia now making him nervous, “Because she’s destined for greatness,” he longingly states, “and I was nothing more than an obstacle along the way even if she didn’t realize it,” he looks down at the table, “Because all I want in this world is for her to live a long happy life, a life where she can do anything she pleases whenever she wants, without a worry in the world,” he concludes, now sporting a dull expression.

“You—” you clench your teeth, almost looking at him in disgust, “You stupid boy,” you harshly mumble, but still loud enough for both him and Jia to hear.

“Grandma!” Jia’s eyes widen, taken aback by your sudden rude remark, but all you can do is continue to stare at the man in front of you, a pained expression on your face. Almost as if you wanted to cry.

Jimin on the other hand didn’t know what to make of your words. Was he offended? No, not really. Surprised? Couldn’t say he was. Was it deserved? He’d like to think so. “Look—” he’s about to say something until you interrupt him.

“What about you?” you demand pointedly, “Don’t you care about what you want? What about your happiness?” you feel your upper lip tremble along with a rush of emotions that you were sure you hadn’t felt in years. 

Anger. Sadness. Fear. 

Everything you had kept bottled in for so long was beginning to make its appearance all because you witnessed this young man break up with his girlfriend.

“Grandma I think we should g—”

“No,” you firmly state, your voice slightly trembling, “I’m not going to let it happen again, I can’t,” a single tear falls from your face as you come into eye contact with the young man. God, he looked so much like him. 

Wiping the tear away, you quickly compose yourself, “I’m going to tell the two of you a story,” you point towards the boy, “and you better listen good and well,” you turn to your granddaughter, “you too little lady because it’s a lesson that can be learned by anyone.”

Her face twists to one of skepticism, but she silently nods her head, deciding she wasn’t going to push your buttons for she had never seen you act like this before. Jimin does the same as well, now fearing getting on your wrong side.

“Good,” you let out a deep breath of air, unsure of where to start. 

This was the first time in your life that you were telling someone absolutely everything, and never had you imagined it’d be in this exact diner with some random stranger (who you’d just happen to be a first hand witness of his breakup) and your granddaughter. 

But a part of you couldn’t help but think that maybe …just maybe it was meant to be this way. That coming to this diner and witnessing what you’d just seen was the universe’s way of telling you that just because your fate was already sealed, didn’t mean you couldn’t change someone else’s. And so you continue, “So I guess…” you pause, “I guess we should start at the beginning.”

“It was the year 1992, Nirvana had just released their all too famous album ‘Nevermind’ months prior to the new year, marking the first shift that we’d see in pop culture during the 90’s. People my age were beginning to slowly throw away their mousse bottles and bright colored outfits and opting in for a more toned down look of mom-jeans and oversized band shirts.

I had just turned 17 at the time and moved here to the city of Gwacheon because of my dad’s job. You wouldn’t believe me but back then this city we know now was a snooze fest. It was nothing but government official buildings and a vacant town center that played outdated music. 

I remember being so bitter about moving because like any other teen who moved from one city to another, I had just barely begun to make friends in the city before, only to find out I’d have to leave months later.

I remember having a childish frown on my face the whole ride to the new neighborhood, convinced that by having a fit I’d somehow have my way and go back to the city before, but all in all that’s where the story begins…”

“Mom it’s just not fair!” you complain, crossing your arms while leaning your head against the window, watching as the new town you’d have to learn to call home was nearing with every stop, “I was just beginning to get used to that school, I was even supposed to go on a date!”

Sighing, your mom turns from the passenger's seat to face you, a mix of sympathy and annoyance on her face. It’d been over 4 hours already of hearing you complain in the car, and though your dad had learned to mute you out from the driver’s seat, your mom had to endure each and every complaint. 

“Y/N you know your dad’s job requires him to move around from time to time, it’s something out of our control, unless you’re magically going to find him a job out there that pays him as much as his current one then be my guest,” she stares at you knowingly, while you stay silent. 

She furrows her brows once she notices something about your appearance, “And what did I tell you about lining your lips like that? And that thing around your neck you’re wearing, you’re lucky it hasn’t suffocat—”

“It’s called a choker and everyone my age wears them mom,” you roll your eyes, wanting this conversation to be over now, despite it being you who started it, “times are changing meaning fashion is too.”

“I thought you kids liked the whole poofy hair and leg warmers kind of stuff. And that one man who's always on MTV,” she twiddles her fingers, trying to remember his name, “you know the one who danced as a zombie in that one video, how does it go again—” she begins to snap her fingers, humming the tune, “cause this is Thriller,” she sings.

“Michael Jackson mom, Michael Jackson,” you answer in annoyance, how the hell did she not know his name?

“Ahh that’s his name,” she laughs, “I’m sorry I’m not so invested in that kind of stuff like you young people are.”

You roll your eyes at this, “Mom I’m sure even grandma knows who Michael Jackson is, you’re just—” but before you could go on any further, the car suddenly comes to a halt.

“And here we are,” your dad finally speaks, an exhausted sigh coming out of his mouth. 

The moving truck, which was following right behind you guys had made its stop as well and while your parents immediately stepped out the car to begin attending to the family things, you just looked at your new home in a mix of dismay and surprise. It was definitely a nice home, it’s resemblance to the houses around you being a bit uncanny.

Suddenly, interrupting your deep thinking, your car door opens. 

Your mom, who for some reason had a complete 180 turn in attitude, now had an impatient look on her face along with an eyebrow raised. “You’re either going to help your dad take out our things or you’re coming with me to introduce ourselves to the neighbors.”

You stare at her for a moment, thinking to yourself which one you wanted to do. Though still slightly pissed off at your dad for his sudden bomb drop of news that you were all moving, you weren’t exactly in the mood to be social right now, let alone with your new neighbors as it would just ultimately mean having to accept the reality of your situation. “I think I’ll just—”

“Come with me? Great,” your mom answers for you, and you only groan in irritation. You couldn’t say you were shocked as this was only expected from her.

Getting out of the car, you begin to follow her to the next door neighbor’s house on the left side of your new home, your mom having come to the conclusion that the neighbors on the right side must’ve not been home due to the lack of cars in the driveway, “And remember y/n, be nice,” she reminds you, noticing the family SUV parked outside the house, she adds, “and who knows maybe there’s someone your age you can make friends with here.”

You stay silent, not sure if whether finding someone your age living inside the house would be a good or bad thing. 

At your last house, there was a girl your exact same age who despite being a very kind person, was just a little too talkative. You’d often randomly find her in your room after learning that your mom let her in because she thought that “that’s what teen girls like to do right? Gossip and cut up some magazines in their room.” Not only would you find yourself getting migraines all the time but you were just too nice to kick her out.

Knock. Knock. Knock.

The muffled sound of what you could only assume were kids running around and things being thrown made you mumble “Oh great,” to yourself. If your mom got friendly with the neighbors like she somehow always did, you’d find yourself babysitting these kids sometime in the future for free. 

Minutes pass and nothing. 

Personally you took that as a sign of ‘do not disturb’ but your mom, being the relentless person she was, knocked one more time.

“Mom clearly they don’t want to—” and of course just as you were about to convince her to leave, the sound of the kids screaming and laughing comes to a sudden halt and the door swings wide open. 

There in front of you stood a middle-aged woman, probably near your mom’s age, who had her hair completely disheveled and one of her kids (a little girl) in her arms while the other (a little boy) gripping onto her right leg like a sloth holding onto a branch.

Despite her stressed appearance, there was still a sense of motherly tidiness to her. “Hello,” your mom greets with a grin on her face, “we just came to introduce ourselves as your new next door neighbors,” she sticks her hand out for the woman to shake, “I’m y/m/n.”

The woman, who looks a bit confused at first, suddenly snaps back to reality with a “Ohh” expression on her face remembering that the house aside from her having its “For Sale” sign removed not too long ago. 

She’s quick to shake your mom’s hand in return, “Kim Yerin,” she smiles, “and these are my twins, Minjun and Yeonha. Say hi you two,” she nudges the little girl in her arms who currently had her head rested on her mother’s shoulder while doing the same to the boy wrapped around her leg.

The two, clearly shy in front of strangers, only stare at the two of you with curious eyes, “And this must be your daughter I assume,” the woman faces her attention towards you, who had just been quietly watching the exchange, and waits for you to introduce yourself.

Your face slightly reddens when you feel your mother nudge you, “Y/N,” your introduction comes out as more of a whisper.

“And how old are you?” she curiously asks.

“Just turned seventeen,” you answer, an awkward smile forming on your face.

And as if a lightbulb suddenly went off on her head, a huge grin appears on her face, “You’re my older sons age,” she chuckles, “I don’t know if he’s come back home yet,” she mumbles looking behind her and your nerves begin to rise as you know what she’s about to do, “Seokjin!” she yells loud enough that her voice echoes across the walls of her home, “Give me a moment,” she flashes you two a smile before slightly closing the door, placing her foot in the ridge in order to create a crack so that it wouldn’t be completely closed. “Seokjin!” she calls for her son again, and soon you hear the sound of feet scuffling down the stairs.

“You and that camcorder, we have guests,” you hear her say.

“Say hiiii,” a voice behind the door says and you soon hear the kids giggle. 

Yerin opens the door all the way once again, and to your surprise you come to face a tall boy with a camcorder blocking most of his face. 

With the lens facing your direction, a whispered “Woah,” then comes out of his mouth. The sound of the lens zooming in causing your eyebrows to furrow in confusion.

“Seokjin,” his mother says more harshly, making him set the camera down and finally reveal his face. And once he did… wow were you surprised. 

Though he was sporting what you considered an outdated mullet, the boy was relatively handsome. Currently dressed in a simple black fitted long sleeve shirt and cuffed blue jeans, the young man stuck his hand out for you to shake, a small smile gracing his lips.

“Seokjin but you can call me Jin for short,” he politely introduces himself.

Awkwardly avoiding eye contact, you return the shake, “Y/N.”

“Seokjin, I was just telling y/n here that you two are the same age, maybe you could show her around school this Monday,” she suggests, and your mom is quick to chime in.

“Maybe he can show her around town right now, I’m sure she’d love that, wouldn’t you y/n? That’s if he can of course,” she adds and your eyes widen at the suggestion. Soon it becomes apparent that both you and Jin are feeling flustered at both your mothers’ intrusiveness.

“I d-d—” you stutter.

“Mom…” he begins, his ears reddening. Unbeknownst to you, you’d soon find out that it was something that only occurred whenever he was nervous.

“I’ll even lend you the car this one time,” his mother says, grabbing the keys from the key rack next to door and handing them to him.

A silence momentarily fills the air, awkwardness seeping deep until Mrs. Kim breaks it, “Well go you two! me and Mrs….”

“Y/L/N,” your mom completes for her.

“Will be here drinking tea inside and waiting for you to return,” she gently pushes Jin, who had just put on his Converse, out the door while your mom begins to make her way inside, “And remember to drive safe Seokjin,” she says for a final time before practically slamming the door shut.

The two of you stand there for what feels like forever, staring at anything but each other’s eyes. 

“Sorry about that, my mom can be a bit… pushy,” he says, and you want to tell him that it's fine, that your mom is exactly the same, but the words can’t seem to come out. “So…” he mumbles, barely audible to the ear, “Where should we go first?” he asks fiddling with keys in his hands, which only causes you to look at him in confusion. Did he forget you weren’t from here?

“Um…” you say, and slowly he fits the puzzle pieces and realizes what exactly he had asked.

“Oh right,” he awkwardly laughs, scratching the back of his neck as a nervous gesture. 

You notice that he’s still holding his camcorder with the other hand, its small red button still glowing, and so out of nowhere you voice the first question that came to your mind.

“Is that thing still recording?” you ask which averts his attention to the grey bulky object in his hand.

“Oh I must’ve forgot to turn it off,” he says, genuinely surprised at his lousy mistake, “My bad,” he adds and you shake your head in a way to say that it was fine. “So … are you hungry?” he kindly asks, and you think to yourself for a moment … the two of you had to go somewhere as it wasn’t like you could just walk right back in and lie.

Gently, you shrug your shoulders, “Yeah I can go for something to eat,” you say, which by now was the longest sentence he’d heard you speak since your introduction to him.

“Great,” he smiles, making his way towards the Hyundai SUV with you following close behind. To your surprise he walks over to your side and opens the door “like a gentleman” before entering the car himself. You mumble a quiet “thank you,” in return.

It’s once he turns on the ignition that you begin to dread the awkwardness inside the car. It wasn’t that you weren’t a social person because truly you were, or at least you always tried to be. You were just never good at initiating conversations first because honestly, who was? The image of your mom immediately came to your mind, but she was different. That lady could spark a conversation with a plant if she really wanted to.

“And here’s the number one song in the country for a third week straight, Emotions by Mariah Carey!” the radio host announces and soon the famous tune begins to play causing Jin to tap his finger against the driving wheel, clearly a fan of the song. 

You on the other hand kept your attention on the view outside, noting how boring this town was. From the dull buildings to the empty streets, everything was just so boring. But you couldn’t complain too much, for in a couple of months from now you’d be well off on your way to a college in the city of Seoul, which even though it wasn’t too far from here, it was still much more populated.

“So y/n,” Jin lowers the music down, “where did you move from?” he asks, an attempt at making conversation while driving.

“Buk district in Busan,” you answer in a short and precise manner.

“Oh…” he simply says, “Did you like it over there?”

The delivery of the question causes you to quietly chuckle to yourself, “Yeah I did,” you smile to yourself remembering the friends you had made over there, but almost immediately you remember that any chance of ever seeing them again was long gone, and a frown soon replaces the small smile.

Jin notices the change in facial expression from you, “Well I’m sure you’ll like it around here,” he attempts to comfort you, “I know things may look a little different, hell maybe even a little boring,” he laughs, “but trust me you’ll learn to love this place,” he flashes you a reassuring smile.

To that you could only feign a look of happiness. Not wanting to be a complete asshole, you try and think of something you could ask him, something to spark a conversation like he was trying to. 

“It’s Jin right… “ you ask, and to that he nods, “um…” you hum, “how old are your siblings?” you stifly ask, adding an extra comment at the end, “I heard them being pretty um … hyper…  before my mom knocked.”

Immediately a smile appears on his face, “Ahh Minjun and Yeonha,” he chuckles, “they’re four but turning five in a couple of months. They’re a handful,” he jokes around, “but we wouldn’t have it any other way,” he says, referring to him and the rest of his family.

“And they’re your only siblings?” 

He nods, shrugging while answering, “Yeah, but I always wanted siblings growing up and so to not only get one but two at the same time was pretty cool,” he glances at you, “what about you?”

You nod your head no, “My mom told me that once she had me and dealt with all the sleepless nights due to me crying all the time, that she knew one was enough,” you manage to joke around, the atmosphere in the car now becoming less tense.

“I think my parents thought the same way, but surprises happen,” he laughs, “I mean it’s probably a good thing that I was pretty old when they were born. It meant an extra set of hands to help around the house especially considering my dad’s always working.” 

And at the mention of his father you couldn’t help but grow a little curious. He was the only person you hadn’t been introduced to and despite Jin’s mother being an overall gorgeous woman, you assumed that Jin must’ve gotten his most prominent features from his dad as his mother didn’t really resemble him.

“What does he work in?” you continue the flow of the conversation.

“He’s a finance manager for one of the many corporation companies you’ll find around here,” and to that he frowns, “I’m assuming your dad must work in a similar field.”

You look at the window again, “Yeah,” you sigh, “so I guess a lot of people around here work in the business field.” 

“I think that’s what causes this place to be a little boring sometimes,” he comments, focusing on the road in front of him, “The lack of creativity,” and by looking at the buildings and overall aura of the town, you understand what he means, “People here already have expectations set on them, and with the pressure of being successful, no one ever really takes the risk of pursuing what they’re really passionate about.”

“Hm,” you hum, unsure of what to add to that, for Jin had hit the nail on its head.

“Butttttt,” he sings, “when you meet people like me you’ll realize not everyone around here is the same,” and with that he piques your curiosity, the car suddenly coming to a halt.

Looking out the window, you notice you’re in front of an old school diner, it’s neon lights currently turned off because of the daylight. Not that it really mattered, as the bright cherry red and blue color painted walls were definitely enough to grab anyone’s attention. 

Through the see through glass you notice a group of guys sitting at one of the booths, staring at the two of you as you both exited the car. A mixture of both excitement (which you assumed was directed at Jin) and confusion (which was probably directed on you) on their faces.

“Come on, follow me,” Jin says, leading you inside to the group of boys who looked around your age. 

They’re quick to greet Jin, practically shouting his name across the diner. It must’ve been a regular occurrence because none of the waiters even turned to focus their attention on them, “Somehow I knew you guys would be here,” Jin teases.

One of the boys rolls their eyes, “So are you going to introduce us to your new lady friend?” he smiles, and immediately the spotlight is set on you, both you and Jin standing in front of their booth.

“Y/N this is Yoongi,” Jin points at the boy who asked the daring question, “This is Taehyung,” he points at the boy next to him, “and finally this is Namjoon,” he points at the final boy across from them, “You guys this is y/n. She just moved here from Busan.”

“Ahh Busan!” the black haired boy, Taehyung, says excitedly, “I once had a pen pal from there,” he trivially says causing the other boys to laugh.

“Ahh Taehyung and his pen pals,” Yoongi shakes his head, tapping the boys shoulders, “And how did that one out of the many turn out?” he asks in a joking manner, only causing Taehyung to pout, knowing Yoongi was teasing him.

“Hmm,” he groaned, “It’s only been a couple of months without a reply, that doesn’t mean we’re not friends anymore!”

“Yeah Yeah Yeah,” Yoongi rolls his eyes again, scooting to the side to make space for you, “Well don’t just stand there, sit,” he lightly teases, and you glance at Jin as if to confirm if it was okay to do so. He smiles at your shyness, confident that you’d get along with his friends just fine, it’d just take some warming up on your part until then. 

Setting his camcorder down on the table, he takes a seat next to Namjoon while you take yours next to Yoongi and Taehyung.

“So y/n,” Namjoon speaks up, “how are you liking it here so far?” But before you can think of a response, Jin answers for you.

“She literally just moved here,” he glances at the clock on the wall, “like an hour ago,” he laughs, “I don’t even think she’s unpacked her stuff.”

“Well don’t expect too much,” Yoongi says, contradicting what Jin had told you earlier, “this place is a snooze fest!” he dramatically adds, only causing Jin to nudge him with his leg from under the table, “Hey it's true, if it weren’t for you guys I’d be dying of boredom all the time.”

“Which is exactly why we need to show y/n the best spots in town to visit and how to have some fun,” Jin declares and to that, the boys shrug, not minding the new addition to their group.

“Well wasn’t that easy,” you think to yourself, it seemed making friends wasn’t as hard as you thought it would be.

“As long as you’re not some kind of party pooper then—”

“Like there's parties in town to even poop at,” Taehyung interrupts causing Yoongi to look at him with a “Huh?” expression making everyone including yourself laugh out loud.

“You do realize it’s not literal—” but before he could continue, Yoongi raises his hand to cover his face, “You and that camera Jin,” and immediately you follow suit, having failed to notice that Jin had turned on his camcorder. Taehyung instead of covering his face, poses by flashing two peace signs, while Namjoon flashed his dimpled smile once the camera was pointed to him.

“Ahh why do you feel the need to record everything?” Yoongi asks, still covering his face.

“You’ll thank me later,” Jin says, “Come on y/n say hiiii,” he begins to near the camera to your face.

“Does he always do this?” you ask his friends around him, and to that they nod.

“He says it’s his practice for becoming a director in the future, but….” Namjoon playfully scoffs, “I don’t see the point in recording absolutely everything.”

“Because I want to make sure when I find the project I want to create, I’ll have all the film I need.” Slowly you take your hands off your face once you notice he wasn’t going to relent anytime soon, “Come on, you know you wanna smileeee,” he sings, and slowly but surely you smile indeed. An awkward one, but a smile nonetheless.

“Well cheers to a new friendship,” Taehyung flashes you his signature boxy smile, raising his milkshake drink in the air, Namjoon and Yoongi imitating the action. You and Seokjin on the other hand create an imaginary motion as if you had drink in your hands, grateful for the blossoming friendship in the making.

“After that first day in Gwacheon, Seokjin along with his friends showed me the best spots in town, whether it was somewhere to eat or somewhere to simply get a good view, they were showing me things that proved the boring town to be different than what it seemed. 

Seokjin would especially be eager to show me his favorite spots, always recording my reactions to first time meals or whenever he’d show me a new location. When I’d ask him why, he’d tell me it was because it was like watching a kid eat candy for the first time.

Soon I’d find myself hanging out with him the most, I’m not sure if it was because we were next door neighbors or maybe it was because he was my first friend here, but it wasn’t like I was complaining. It seemed as if with every time we hung out, I was learning something new about him, never a day too dull…”

“You’re not even blowing into it,” Jin complains, watching as you blew air into the Mario game cartridge, your face getting red at your serious effort, “Let me see,” he says, but to that you stubbornly refuse, continuing to blow heavy puffs of air into it.

For the past hour the two of you had been playing his new Mario game on the Nintendo SNES, but out of nowhere the game completely blacked out. 

Suspecting that there must have been built-up dust in the cartridge, you took it as your responsibility to blow air into it.

“Fine,” you hiss, passing him the game.

“Ah don’t be like that either,” he teases, squeezing your cheek with his hand.

“Hey!” you cry out and he raises his hands to his defense.

“Sorry I can’t help it,” he laughs, “they’re just so…” he pauses, “squeezable?”

You flip him off, only making him laugh even more, “Just fix the game already,” you mumble, not actually offended, but pretending to be which he of course was used to by now.

Knock. Knock.

“Seokjinnieeee!” the sound of his younger sister’s voice, Yeonha, fills the room. Immediately she goes to tackle him, and Jin (pretending that she was stronger than him) playfully throws himself on the floor only causing her to go into a fit of giggles. 

Then out of nowhere you feel tiny arms wrap themselves around your shoulders, “Y/Nieeee,” Minjun blitzes you from behind, a grin now appearing on your face. 

With his arms still wrapped around your shoulders, you get up from the floor and begin to run around the room, pretending to be an airplane soaring across the sky.

“Do that too! Do that too!” Yeonha commands Seokjin, forcibly wrapping her arms around his very broad shoulders. 

And soon the two of you find yourselves going at “war” with one other, purposely missing each other whenever it’d look like you two would crash as a scare effect for the kids.

By the time you two were all done, you were out of breath and completely exhausted. “Again, again, again!” you hear the two kids squeal, but you were just way too tired to go at it a second time.

Feigning a sad expression on your face, you say, “I’m sorry, I have to be back for dinner soon at my house, but next time I see you I promise you we’ll do that again for you guys.”

Both of the kids, with a saddened expression on their faces, simultaneously go “Aww.” but completely understand, knowing you were never one to falsify your promises.

“Wait you do?” Seokjin asks, completely believing your lie. Glaring at him, you wink at him in a knowing way, and though it takes him a while, he quietly says “Ohh.” once he understands. Scratching the back of his neck, he says, “How bout I walk you out haha,” he innocently smiles with his eyes closed.

“Byeeee Y/N,” the kids say, their attention already on something else.

Waving goodbye, you and Jin make your way downstairs, greeted by his mom, who had used to the time that you two spent playing with kids to make dinner, 

“Already leaving Y/N?” she asks when she spots your backpack in your hand, “I made japchae, I’m sure your mom wouldn’t mind you staying for dinner,” she kindly suggests, but you politely nod your head no.

“It’s fine Mrs. Kim,” you say, “I don’t want to lessen the servings any more than I should.”

“You sure I can always—” she’s about to say something until she meets Jin’s expression, which was one of panic. Subtly he was nodding his head in a way to say that she should drop it, not only his ears, but his face becoming red. Softly chuckling to herself, she drops the subject, “Ahh well have a good night y/n.”

“Goodnight Mrs. Kim,” you dismiss yourself, Jin following right behind you as you make your way out the door.

“Whew I sure am tired,” you say once you hear the door behind you close, now standing on his front porch, the sun beginning to set, “We didn’t even get to work on our calculus homework,” you mention, feigning a chuckle. 

Jin shrugs, “I doubt we were gonna work on it either way,” he laughs changing the topic, “So y/n um…” he pauses, feeling a lump in his throat form as he nervously rocked back and forth, “I’ve been wanting to ask you something I just don’t know how you’ll react…”

You look at him with a genuine clueless expression on your face. Moments of silence pass before you respond, “Well go on ahead,” you laugh, “you know you can tell me anything,” you smile at him.

And for a moment it feels as if the words can’t come out, the fear of being denied overwhelming the feeling of hope, “Um well…” he gulps, “you know it’s been a couple of months since you moved here and well…” he avoids eye contact with you, “I feel like I see you all the time…” he continues, and for a small second you become scared … Did you do something? Did he no longer ever wanna see you again? With that thought, you feel your stomach drop, “And well I wanted to tell you that I—”

“Oh y/n honey, you forgot your notebook!” Jin’s mom suddenly opens the door, interrupting the moment and catching the both of you by surprise. 

Jin immediately shoots his mom a “What are you doing?” look, but it seems like she didn’t catch onto it as she continued having a huge smile on her face. Oh what a kind … oblivious … woman she could be sometimes.

“O-oh,” you stutter, still in a state of surprise at her sudden intrusion, “Um thank you Mrs. Kim, um I should get going!” you awkwardly laugh, “Um I’ll see you at school tomorrow Jin!” you wave goodbye, practically running back to your house. The last thing you hear before closing your own door was the sound of Jin groaning, “Moooom!”

“Ah y/n you made it just in time for dinner,” your own mother greets you, “For a moment I thought you’d spend dinner with the Kims’ for another night,” she teases, causing a ferocious blush to appear on your cheeks.

“What makes you say that?” you mumble while avoiding eye contact, only causing her to send you a knowing look.

Deciding she’d play along with your oblivious act this once, she shrugs, “Hmm I don’t know, maybe because there’s a special someone you like in that house of theirs.” 

Your blush deepens.

“Not true,” is all you can muster, “We’re just close friends, that’s all,” you state, but deep down you knew you could only wish for more.

“Mmm well y/n, time is ticking,” she playfully sings, “if you don’t confess soon, who knows when you’ll get the chance once you’re off at college. Just ask your dad, he had to wait 4 years until I came back to our hometown to confess. Isn’t that right y/f/n?” she turns to your dad, who was currently watching Cheers on the television.

Getting up from the couch, he makes his way over to you two, “What’s this about a boy I’m hearing?” he turns on his “Protective Dad” persona.

To that, you roll your eyes, “Dad,” you laugh as he ruffles your hair, placing a kiss to your forehead, “I need to go do my homework,” you announce, needing an excuse to get to your room and out of this conversation.

Your mom narrows her eyes at you, knowing exactly what you were doing but choosing to act dumb about it, “Then what are you doing here young lady, go get to it!” she commands, watching you immediately turn and make your way up the stairs.

“Ah kids these days,” your mom says under her breath, shaking her head in amusement, silently rooting for the two of you.

“I wouldn’t find out that Jin was trying to confess to me that night until a couple of years later in some random conversation, and when I tell you there were several other attempts on both his part and mine to confess, I really mean it. But it was almost as if the universe was waiting for the right moment to let it happen. I just never would’ve thought that the moment would be one so …. unexpected ….”

“So how is he?” you ask Jin’s mother, placing the care basket you made for Jin on his dining table.

“Well you know it is,” she laughs, “no parent really wants to see their kid high off of anesthesia, especially because he’s just been talking complete nonsense for the past hour and refusing to take a nap. But I prefer this than having him walk around with his wisdom teeth aching him.”

You nod your head in understanding, “You don’t mind if I—” and she nods her head yes, understanding what you were insinuating.

“Go for it,” she smiles, “he’ll probably scold me tomorrow for allowing you to see him in that state, but I’m sure he’ll get over it,” she chuckles.

And without a moment of hesitation, you make your way up the stairs and into his room, the first thing you hear is your name being loudly shouted. 

“Y/N!” he slurs out your name, his high pitched laughter following right after. 

A grin immediately appears on your face as you watch the boy who even though was usually in a joking mood most of the time, now had that same mood heightened because of the anesthesia.

You take a seat on the corner of his bed, “How are you feeling Jin?” you ask, genuinely wanting an answer.

He shoots you a toothy grin and gives you not one, but two thumbs up, “I’m feeling amaaaazinnggg,” he sings, “especially now that you’re here,” he dramatically winks.

You feel your face redden, “This is the effects of the anesthesia,” you tell yourself, not allowing yourself to have false hope.

“Y/N Y/N Y/N,” he hums, “you’re so prettyyyyyy,” he stammers his words, his swollen cheeks making it hard to take him seriously.  

“Really? You think?” you go along with him, to which he nods.

“Veryyyyy,” he adds, “too bad I can’t completely see you!” he exclaims, only causing your brow to quirk in confusion.

“What do you mean?”

“I can’t see you!” he repeats in a sardonic tone, almost as if you were dumb for not understanding. It isn’t until you notice that the bangs of his mullet, which was usually parted, were now prickling at his eyes, probably causing his view of you to be blocked by certain strands of hair.

Laughing to yourself, you grab one of the hairpins you had on and scoot closer to him, carefully clipping his bangs to the side, “Ta da,” you giggle at Jin’s childlike expression, “Now you can see me,” you say.

“Now I can see you,” he repeats in awe, and maybe it was because of the effects of the anesthesia but for some reason you looked much more ethereal than usual. Suddenly, out of nowhere Jin grabs his camera from the bed stand, and you look at him in amazement.

You let out a breath of disbelief, “How is it that even when you’re high off of anesthesia, you still somehow manage to pull out that camera of yours?” you ask him.

“Because y/n, 50 years from now the world needs to know how pretty you areeeee,” he looks at you like a lovestruck fool, his eyes halfway closed as he points the lens in your direction.

“Who would’ve thought that Jin could be such a flirt?” you think to yourself.

“I’m not!” Jin pouts, and it’s only then that you realize you must’ve said the thought out loud, “I’m only flirty with you because I like youuuuu,” he gushes.

“Jin you don’t know what you’re saying,” you blink slowly, not sure whether to believe the words coming out of his mouth.

“Oh but I do!” he barks back like a toddler, “I’ve been trying to confess to you for sooooooo long but I get interrupted EACH. AND. EVERY. TIME,” he complains, and suddenly you feel your heart pound ten times faster, an idiotic smile now forming on your face, “like seriously, every time I get the courage to finally fess up, something just has to happen,” he rambles on, now turning off the camera, something you take note of.

Affectionately, you play with some of the strands of his hair from the back, watching him yawn in the process, “Come on silly boy, I think it’s time for you to sleep,” and surely he does in no time, his soft snores filling the room. 

It’s only then that you grab a post-it note from his desk, scribbling something you were sure he’d read the next day. Happily making your way downstairs, excited for what was to come.

That same night when Jin groggily woke up from his nap, he was confused as to why he had a glitter hair pin in his hair, and why his camera had a post-it note attached to it on his wooden desk. Grabbing the camera, he immediately recognized the handwriting.

‘check your footage from yesterday, you can thank me later xx. y/n.’

And it was once he did that he could’ve swore he felt his eyes go as wide as saucers, his mouth gaping completely open. “I-I confessed,” he says to himself, unsure of whether he really believed it or not, “I confessed!” he repeats to himself, this time much more confident and enthusiastic about it.

Deciding he had no time to waste, he quickly ran down his stairs, his mom confusingly staring at him as he began to grab his jacket and shoes, “And where do you think you’re going?” she asks. 

“Mom, I confessed!” he excitedly shouts before slamming the door behind him shut, ready to knock on your door.

Knock. Knock. Knock.

“Oh Jin!” your mother greets him, amused by his swollen right cheek, “What a surprise,” she chuckles.

“Hello Mrs. Y/L/N,” he respectfully greets, “any chance y/n’s here?” he politely asks, hoping you were home.

Based on the excited look on Jin’s face she could only imagine that he had only good news to share, and so she didn’t hesitate to call you down, “Y/N!” she shouts, and as if you were waiting for it, your bedroom door opens without a second even passing. 

Quickly you make your way down, your mom already having a sense as to what was going to happen by the excited expression on both of your faces. Closing the door once you made your way out, she immediately presses her ear against it.

“Y/N,” Jin breathes out, “I-I confe-OW,” he loudly groans, completely forgetting about his mouth still being sore from the procedure, only causing you to laugh. Even now the universe was finding ways to delay the inevitable.

“You confessed,” you instead say for him, and he nods excitedly, holding his mouth in pain. But it’s only then that he realizes … just because he confessed didn’t mean you automatically felt the same way.  

His face reddens. 

Ready to make a dash for it, you grab his hand before he could. A touching smile now on your face, “I like you too,” you say, squeezing his hand in reassurance. And immediately you see the relief wash over him, his tense shoulders relaxing.

“I’d kiss you, but I don’t think I can move my lips,” he manages to mumble out, the sudden jolt of pain minutes earlier now making it hard for him to talk.

You giggle at this, then tippy toeing and placing a peck to his lips, deciding that it’d be enough to satisfy the two of you. And without notice your mom opens the door, making the two of you jump in surprise.

“Awwwww, finally!” she pretends to weep, and you’re quick to furrow your brows.

“Mom!”

“And so that was the exact moment our friendship had officially blossomed into something more… I had officially fallen in love with the boy next door. And so we spent the rest of the school year doing whatever it is high school couples do. The occasional hand holding here and there, the timid kisses, but most importantly… despite there now being a shift in our relationship, we still spoke to one another like the best of friends we were before. Because at the end of the day he was still just the boy next door.

But of course soon we’d find ourselves having to confront the looming topic over our heads … college.”

Knock. Knock. Knock.

The door opens.

“It arrived,” you frantically say to the boy in front of you, an envelope in your hand. He motions for you to come in, his heart now beating as fast as yours.

Sitting down on the dining chair, you watch as he runs up the stairs to his room in order to grab the envelope that had arrived at his house a day prior to yours. 

The sealed envelopes, which read ‘Seoul National University” in a big blue font along with its famous logo stamped onto it were now being held by your guys’ jittery fingers. 

“When are they getting here?” you ask Jin, who had just seated himself.

Glancing at his watch, he answers, “Any second now,” his foot bounces up and down out of nervousness, “I told them to be here an hour earlier than planned because I knew they’d get here late,” he says, patting himself in the back for his trick.

“Well they need to get here faster,” you complain, tapping your nails against the table.

Knock. Knock. Knock.

“Finally,” you groan, watching the rest of your friends walk into Jin’s kitchen.

“Sorry we caught traffic,” Taehyung lies, munching on his last fry.

You roll your eyes at the poor attempt, ”You’re such a bad liar,” you say, deciding not to press him any further on the issue. “Let’s just get to opening these things.”

The boys nod, taking a final deep breath in, ready to rip open the envelopes. 

“Wait,” Jin suddenly demands, “Let me set the camera,” and immediately he’s met with dramatic eye rolls and groans, but you guys allow him to do so nonetheless. “Okay you guys, remember whatever the results are behind these, we all have to promise ourselves that it won’t change anything. It doesn’t make anyone better than the rest, and we’ll all certainly still be friends in college,” he says and you all nod in agreement, for a moment forgetting that whatever the results were inside your envelopes, you’d all still remain friends no matter what.

“Okay, 1..2...3,” you count down, and at the same time you all pull out your decision letters.

“I got in!” Namjoon yells excitedly.

“Me too!” Taehyung says after him, a grin on his face.

“Holy shit, me too,” Yoongi repeats after him.

“Me as well,” Seokjin says nonchalantly, not exactly caring for his acceptance but more about yours as he immediately turns his attention towards you. 

Having watched you stay up late studying for the entrance exams for the past couple of weeks, he knew just how nervous you were about these letters and as both your boyfriend and your friend, he couldn’t help but root for you much more than himself.

But it’s once he sees the saddened expression on your face that he knows …

“Y/N…” Taehyung whispers in sadness.

“I—” you slouch your shoulders, looking away from their gazes, “I didn’t get in,” you murmur, your voice signaling that you were on the verge of crying. 

Jin is quick to turn off the camera and goes to wrap his arms around you, placing a soft kiss on top of your head and softly rubbing your back in an effort to comfort you. He sends a look to the boys as if to say he thinks it’d be best for them to leave, for now at least.

They nod in understanding, beginning to make their way out until they hear you say “Wait!” and at an attempt to ease the tension, you try and hide the sadness in your voice, “Congratulations, truly,” you send them a weak smile before they leave, and they send you a small smile in return, sad that their friend didn’t get into the college of their dreams.

“Hey don’t cry,” Jin comforts you, giving you more pecks on top of your head, feeling his heart swell more and more by the second.

“I thought I worked so hard,” you sniffle, the tears slowly falling down your cheeks.

“Hey don’t say that! You did work hard princess,” he scolds you, pulling you into a tight hug and tipping your chin up so that he could look at you properly, a soft look on his face while he brushed your hair away from your face, “That stupid school doesn’t know what they’re missing out on, you hear me?” He squeezes your cheek when you don’t reply, “Heyyyyyyyy, don’t ignore meeee,” he teases, placing a soft kiss on your lips.

All you can do is roll your eyes once you feel your cheeks get hot, damn him and his everlasting effect on you. “My dad’s going to be so disappointed,” you mumble, already dreading the conversation. The sole reason you even wanted to get into that school was to impress him, to make him feel that he didn’t have to worry about your future.

“No he’s not,” Jin states in confidence, and you look at him in curiosity, “because your dad is nothing like mine,” he jokes, reassuring you, “Because I’m sure that for both your mom and dad, as long as you’re happy and pursuing whatever it is you want to, they’ll be more than happy to support you along the way.”

“You think so?” you ask him, a small pout on your lips.

“Ah I know so princess,” he gives you a small comforting smile, “Come on let’s watch a movie and eat some popcorn before you go home. I just bought Goodfellas on VHS the other day,” he says, leading you to the living room, the heavy feeling that had been weighing down your chest, not so heavy anymore.

“And so that night I told my parents the decision SNU had made, and just like Jin said they were completely supportive, not even the slightest disappointed. Luckily, the college that did accept me was not at all far away from Seoul National University meaning Jin and I did not have to worry about a ‘long distance relationship’ because trust me, a long distance relationship in the 90s was even ten times more harder to manage than how you kids have it today with your phones.

Honestly, our first year in college passed by in the blink of an eye. I’m not sure if it's because I was always with Jin and our group of friends running around in a big old city with so many more different things to explore, but by the time we reached our second year, we were beginning to ask ourselves where time was going by…. “

“Cheers to our first year!” you and the boys lift up your drinks of Soju, clinking the bottles as a way of commemorating your first successful year in college.

Laughter fills the air while you all talk about the good and the bad of college, from the nightmare drunk stories to typing last minute essays on a jammed computer inside the library. “To think we were all panicking about how we’d do,” Yoongi says, shaking his head.

“I know, but now we have to start declaring our majors soon,” Taehyung mentions, “I still don’t know whether I want to major in sociology or psychology…”

“Me neither, I’ve been leaning towards linguistics,” Namjoon adds, “What about you y/n?” he asks you.

You think about it for a moment before answering, “Engineering Physics.”

“Woah,” Namjoon looks at you in shock, “Good luck to you,” he jokingly scoffs.

You shrug, a certain glimmer appearing in your eyes as you make eye contact with him, “Don’t you find it interesting? The possibilities of there being more than one universe out there, different dimensions, hell maybe even a parallel universe!” you say in excitement, clearly passionate about the field, “Namjoon there’s probably hundreds of you who like to pick their nose just like you!” you throw in the playful jab, making him flip you off while the rest of the boys laugh their asses off.

“What about you Jin?” Yoongi asks his longtime friend, who for some reason tonight was quieter than usual, something clearly on his mind.

And as if brought back to reality he looks at all you with a surprised expression, “O-oh,” he stutters, “um Business Administration?” he says, unconvinced of his own answer.

Yoongi nods his head, “As expected, as expected. Business does run in the family,” and though you know Yoongi meant no harm in the comment, you couldn’t help but notice how tense Jin got after hearing it, as if it only further killed his mood.

“Hey,” you softly whisper into his ear, grabbing his attention while Yoongi begins to talk about something else, “everything good?” 

Immediately his expression softens, and he quietly nods yes, not wanting you to worry. But no matter how well Jin thought he was at hiding emotions like sadness or anger from you, any change in his behavior, albeit small or large, was always obvious to you.

Making a mental note to talk to him later, you subtly keep an eye on him for the rest of night, your mind wondering what it could be.

Jin plays with your loose strands of hair while he watches you soundly sleep, your skin warm and slick with the efforts of your earlier endeavors.

It hadn’t been long since he moved into this apartment with Namjoon, and though you weren’t exactly officially living with them, with the number of mornings he’d wake up to having you beside him, he and Namjoon might as well have considered you their third roommate. 

Not like Joon was complaining, the breakfasts he’d wake up to you making completely cancelling out the occasional use of his ear plugs for nights like these…..

Trailing his fingers across your shoulders, he traces the curves of your collarbones, savoring the moment. It wasn’t until he suddenly heard you speak that he realized you weren’t asleep at all, “Can’t sleep?” you ask, opening your eyes.

“Y/N, go to sleep, it’s late,” he mumbles in the darkness.

Ignoring him, you move to make yourself more comfortable, “Something’s bothering you,” you simply state, and that he can’t deny.

“Y/N... “ he’s about to begin, but you weren’t having any of it.

“Seokjin,” you say his full name, something you’d rarely done since you met him, “you know you can tell me,” you reassure, squeezing his hand, “it’s my job to listen,” you add for extra comfort.

And for a moment he looks as if he’s contemplating something, not really accustomed to being the one talking. 

Especially because if you were to ask anyone who’s ever known Jin, then they’d tell you they’d almost never seen the man in a bad nor sad mood. 

Because for the sake of others, Jin had always been the one to remain cheerful when things were bad, the one to crack jokes even whenever he felt down, the one who liked imitating Mariah Carey’s whistle notes in the car while driving, the person everyone could always rely on whether it be for laughs, advice, or just anything. 

It was just who Jin was as a person.

He sighs once he’s made his decision to tell you, “You know how we were talking about declaring majors and stuff tonight?” 

Silently, you nod your head, and he sighs again, “Well I was thinking about something the other day…” he pauses, shifting his body to the side, leaning his head against his hand and now completely facing you, “Remember that first conversation we had in my mom’s car the day you moved into town, when I was taking you to diner?” He asks the rhetorical question, continuing with his thoughts, “How I said that people usually have expectations already set on them and with the pressure of being successful, no one ever truly takes the risk of pursuing what they’re passionate about?”

You nod again, wondering where this was going.

“It wasn’t until earlier this month when I revisited that conversation in the midst of everyone talking about declaring majors and their future careers that I realized that really I was just talking about myself,” he sighs, and suddenly everything becomes clearer to you, and a look of understanding becomes apparent on your face.  

He gulps before continuing, “For so long I’ve been so scared to seriously pursue directing and the world of entertainment all because of my fear of disappointing my dad because Yoongi’s right … business does run in my family and I don’t know if it’s cause I’m the oldest but there’s always been an expectation set on me. An expectation to be the best. An expectation to be successful.”

Slowly, you begin to run your hands through his hair, allowing him to talk as much as he wanted because you knew this was one of the very rare moments that he was going voice everything he had been thinking for so long.

“And so when I hear people like you or Taehyung or even just classmates talk so passionately about what they wanna do in the future I can’t help but wish I had that same courage to to pursue what I want. I mean hell, look at Yoongi pursuing a career in music and producing. I like business, I do, but it’s just not for me, and now just like how you and the rest of the boys are pursuing your dreams, I wanna pursue mine, no matter what it takes. For the first time in my life I want to be 100% selfish, I want to choose me.”

He remains silent after finishing his little speech, a signal that he now wanted your input. He needed to hear something, anything, for he was tired of bearing the weight of his worries by himself.

Gathering your thoughts, you give him a kiss to the lips before continuing, your heart swelling for the man in front of you, “Jin if you want to pursue your dreams then do it,” you grab his hand and kiss his knuckle, “Because I’m just as sure you’ll be successful in the future, plus it’s better to live a life without regrets than with…” you pause, “But I also don’t think it’d be right if I wasn’t rational with you. You’re gonna have to tell your parents, and it’s also important to know that like any other career there is a risk of not making it because at the end of the day that’s how life works and sometimes things are just out of our control… but the real question is if you’re willing to accept it if it happens…”

Jin breaks away his eye contact with you, your words sadly ringing true, “Hey,” you turn his head with your hand in order to have him face you again, now resting your hand on his cheek, “Everything will be okay,” you reassure, “I’ll be with you every step of the way,” you kiss his other cheek. 

To that, he smiles.

“Tomorrow,” he randomly says, only causing you to be confused until he continues, “Tomorrow I’m going home and telling my parents what I wanna do. And you’re coming with me… for moral support that is,” he shoots you a grin, and for a moment your eyes are wide in surprise because well… you certainly weren’t expecting him to do it so soon, “Please?” he pouts, making you roll your eyes playfully.

“Like you have to ask,” you say, tightly wrapping your arms around his broad shoulders and burying your face in the crook of his neck, a good night’s sleep following soon after.

“If only we had known things weren’t going to go down as smoothly as we thought it was…”

“Dad you don’t get it…” Jin pushes his hair back with his hand, a sign that he was stressed.

His dad scoffs, “What’s there not to get? You’re choosing something that’s a complete risk over something that has a future, a guaranteed solid one at that. Let’s be feasible here Seokjin...”

Silently you watch the exchange between father and son. Yeah, the two of you knew that there’d be some backlash to Jin’s decision from his parents (if not only his father) but to be here for over 3 hours now, watching the two go back and forth wasn’t what anyone had expected. Neither side relenting on why the other was wrong. But time was ticking, and soon one would pop, you just hadn’t expected it to be Jin first.

“I just can’t dad!” he shouts, interrupting his dad, his voice echoing across the walls. Momentary silence followed, enough to hear a pin drop fall, “I-I just can’t,” Jin’s voice breaks, his eyes desperately pleading for his dad to just once in his life understand.

A scornful laugh comes out of his dad’s mouth before he exhales a big deep breath, “Okay,” he monotonously states, and for a moment a flicker of hope appears in both Jin’s and your eyes, but as fast as it came, it left even quicker, “You can pursue your little venture into the world or entertainment and directing, but just know I never agreed to paying for a degree in Film, I agreed to one in Business. And so if you really want it that bad, it’s coming out of your pocket,”he declares, shocking everyone in the room. 

“Sungjin,” Jin’s mother, who had only watched the exchange like you the whole time, finally speaks up, in just as much as shock as you and Jin. Paying for college out of his pocket? That was almost impossible.

Jin’s father raises his hand, as if to let him continue, “Be grateful I’m still agreeing to pay for that apartment of yours, I’m not cruel enough to let my own son jump from place to place.”

Jin shakes his head, “No,” he says, and you look at him confused, “I’ll pay for my own apartment as well as everything else you help pay for,” with a hardened scowl now on his face he continues, “and I’ll prove you wrong,” he declares. 

His father could only look at him with skepticism until his own expression followed his son’s. The two really were two sides of the same coin.

“Come on y/n let’s go,” he scoffs, getting up from his chair and going to kiss his mom on the cheek, you politely (but also awkwardly) dismiss yourself, following him outside and into his car.

“Why the hell did you do that?” you finally ask, one of the many questions you had running in your head, “and how the hell do you plan on paying for everything out of your own pocket?”

“Because y/n,” he runs his hand through his hair, turning on the car in order to let the ignition warm up, “I want to prove him wrong,” he repeats his reasoning from earlier, shrugging his shoulders in the process, “I’ll just pick up extra hours at work, holiday season is starting soon and my manager being the lazy man he is would rather overwork an employee aka me than hire someone new.”

You pout, “Does that mean no more movie nights?” you whine, making him laugh.

“We’ll still have them princess,” he gives you a peck on the cheek, “Just not as frequent that’s all,” he then follows the kiss with a squeeze on the cheek, “meaning we have to savor them more,” he concludes, the two of you well on your way home, a happy couple once in love.

“This …. This is where our story slowly begins to take a bit of shift. It’s where the bright flowers we once held onto so tightly begin to slowly wilt when faced with the real world, where destiny and fate cross roads, creating and molding choices both within and out of our control…”

“Place your tassels to the left...” the students in the arena follow the command. “and congratulations to the new class of 1996!” the chancellor of SNU announces, and soon the sight of graduation caps being thrown left and right follows. 

You feel your throat go sore from the amount of cheering you’re doing on the stands, watching as Jin and your group of friends hug in celebration, following with excited waves directed towards you and Jin’s mother along with his siblings.

Jin’s father, who claimed he was too busy with work, wasn’t able to make it, not that it was much of a surprise to anyone. Ever since Jin declared his financial independence from his dad, their relationship wasn’t exactly a favorable one, not that there was ever much to work with. 

But in the end Jin understood his father and he understood why he couldn’t be supportive because like any other parent all Jin’s father wanted was to ensure Jin lived a successful life where he wouldn’t have to worry about finances and whether there’d be food on the table albeit it be for only himself or his future family.

The class song, “Fantasy” by Mariah Carey begins to play, and you feel your stomach cramp at laughing so hard because of Jin’s sudden dancing, the boys soon following his movements. You really had to take him to a Mariah Carey concert soon.

“Let’s go meet them in the parking lot,” Jin’s mother shouts over the chaos of people leaving the bleacher stands.

You nod, following her lead, all while helping Minjun and Yeonha (who were now 10) not get lost in the crowd. Once you make it to the parking lot, you find Jin, who had made it there before you all, and immediately you run to hug him, his siblings following suit.

His mom who's holding his famous old camcorder, records the moment, but once Jin spots it, he’s quick to cover his face by nuzzling his head into the crook of your neck. “How is it that the person always recording things, hates being recorded?” you chuckle, trying to push him off so that he’d have no choice but to be recorded.

“Mm don’t forget being pictured,” he mumbles, maneuvering you in a way that he could reach the camera in his mom’s hands, tackle her into a big hug and successfully get her to turn off the camera.

“Congratulations my Seokjin,” his mom kisses his cheek, ruffling his hair like she did when he was a kid. 

Jin, who ditched the mullet about two years ago, now sported a more clean cut look, resembling a comma in the front while still a little lengthy from the sides. In a way it made him look a bit more youthful, not that he had to worry, for that man truly did not age. You were sure that even now at 21 years of age, Jin was going to look like this for the rest of his life because 4 years ago at age of 17 he looked exactly the same. You could only hope your own genes did the same.

“Thanks mom,” he smiled.

“Now for a picture,” she said while pulling out a Kodak disposable camera from her purse, but before she could even attempt at taking a picture, Jin was already getting into his car.

“Ahh later mom, let’s just go eat for now,” he announces, “The graduation boy is really hungry,” he gives her the puppy dog eyes before entering the car.

She rolls her eyes, “Fine. We’ll meet you two over there,” she says, “Come on you two,” she motions to the two twins to follow her back to her car.

“I still can’t believe you wanna drive all the way out to that old diner in Gwacheon as a way of celebrating your graduation,” you say as Jin reverses out of his parking spot, one hand on the steering wheel while the rest of his body was turned to make sure that no cars were passing.

Once he was safely out of the parking lot, he then replies, “Because y/n, there’s nothing better than a nice BLT sandwich on a Saturday night, don’t you think?”

“They’re not even all that—” you’re about to lecture him until he interrupts.

“Ah Ah ah, I’m the graduation boy,” he pouts while driving, “We went all the way to Itaewon to try that Italian food you wanted so bad when it was your graduation day, and you didn’t hear me complain.”

You narrow your eyes at him, damn him …

“Mm,” you mumble.

“Oh I love this song!” Jin, with his right hand, turns up the volume to the radio, “Californiaaaa loveeee,” he repeats after the robot, the music now blasting in the background as he gets on the highway, now on your way back home.

“Passing” you the imaginary mic in his hand, he expects you to sing with him and for a moment you stare at him with a deadpan look until of course you smile at his foolishness, “California knows how to party,” you sing, passing him the “mic”.

“In the cityyyyy of LA,” he continues along, and it goes like this the whole car ride. The two of you going back and forth singing songs from famous artists such as the Backstreet Boys, Boyz II Men, Radiohead, Nirvana, and of course Jin’s favorite, Miss Mariah Carey.

And just like that the day goes by in the blink of an eye, from eating at the diner with his mom and siblings, to visiting your parents until finally the two of you found yourselves sitting on your porch just like the good old days. 

Resting your head against his shoulder, both of you stare at the sky above in silence, the stars out and shining bright tonight.

“We really graduated,” you say in disbelief, breaking the silence. Jin turns his attention to you, a small smile on his face.

“Crazy huh?” he interlocks his hand with yours, kissing the knuckles of it, “Time went by in the blink of an eye, and now we’re officially in the real world. Nothing but a tiny speck in such a large universe, almost like the stars,” he chuckles looking back up to the sky, and you gaze at him with a soft look in your eyes. If only he knew how much brighter he shined compared to them. 

“Jin…” you randomly say, “I love you,” and though he’s heard it come out of your mouth many many times before tonight, each and every time he did hear it, his heart swelled the same as the first.

Unlocking his hand from yours, he instead wraps his arm across your shoulder, gently bringing you closer to him, enough that you could even hear the sound of his heart beating. Something that not even a video camera could capture. This was a memory you two would just have to remember on your own when you are both old and grey.

“I love you too princess,” he whispers, “I love you too,” he repeats to himself, “You know, I’ve been thinking these days about our future...” you look up at him from your position, childlike curiosity now shown across your face, “I feel like since we’ve always lived moment to moment since we’ve met, I’ve never really asked you…” he pauses debating whether to ask, “what kind of future do you want?”

Softly chucking, you shrug, “You really wanna hear it?” you ask, and he furrows his brows, almost offended you’d even ask, but rather than scold you he simply nods, “Hmm..” you think for a moment, “I picture us both having successful careers and living in the big city while we’re at our peak, getting married on a whim and occasionally traveling the world in search of an adventure,” you pause, “but when the time comes to finally relax, then I’d want to move back here, to where it’s calm and quiet, buy ourselves a house and maybe we’d even have a kid, just one though,” you emphasize.

He arches his brow, “Just one?” he asks.

You nod your head, “After babysitting your siblings, yes, just one,” you repeat with laughter and he himself can’t help but laugh, “I think a girl preferably, but I wouldn’t be mad at a boy, They would probably take after you in looks,” you add, nudging his shoulder. 

He blushes for a moment, before faking smugness and winking at you.  

You laugh at his confidence before continuing, “And we’d show them the different places this town has just like how you showed me, enough that they’d want to stay here when they’re older,” Jin notices how your eyes glisten as you talk of a time that felt so far away, “And we’d be a small little happy family, supporting whatever it is that their dream will be. And then we’d grow old and grey, maybe have a couple of grandkids running around, and we’d simply be proud of the life we’ve built together—”

And before you could continue on any further, the feeling of his soft lips placed against yours interrupts you, nothing but passion exchanged in the kiss. It isn’t until you’re both out of breath that you break away, Jin immediately framing his hands over your cheeks, “Promise me?” he asks, and you wrinkle in confusion, “Promise me you’ll live a life you’re proud of?”

“As long as you do the same,” you softly answer in return, and silently he nods, “then let’s do it.”

“If only I knew … If only he had been honest with me that night then maybe things could’ve been talked about right then and there before it got out of control…”

Jin crumples the rejection letter and throws it in the trash, frustrated by yet another rejection letter from a directing internship. Tonight he was visiting his parents for dinner while you were out of town on a trip to Busan with some college friends you’d met your freshman year. Taking the opportunity of being by himself in your guys’ apartment, he shredded the number of rejection letters he’d received from several programs in the past couple of months. Too ashamed to show you them.

Looking at himself in the mirror, he couldn’t but feel frustrated. It’d been a year since the two of you had graduated college, and while your career in engineering physics was going great, he couldn’t say the same about his career in directing. Of course when you’d ask how everything was going, he’d feign a smile and say he was still waiting to hear back, guilty that he was incapable of telling you the truth.  

Fixing the yellow unbuttoned dress shirt he was wearing over his plain white t-shirt and striped vest, he combs a hand through his hair one last time before leaving, feeling as if his head was about to explode.

“I made Naengmyun, your favorite,” Jin’s mother sets the bowl of noodles down along with several other sides, making sure her oldest son was eating good tonight. She was also trying to mitigate the awkwardness that was in the air tonight, this being one of the very rare occasions Jin and his father spent time together. Over the last year, things still were still stiff between the two, Jin’s father still clearly not accepting of his career choice.

Jin, who didn’t have much of an appetite, stirred with his noodles, hoping his mother wouldn’t notice.

“So Seokjin…” his mothers begins once she seats herself, “how’s everything been going so far?” she asks, genuinely wanting to know what her son has been up to these days.

Jin, trying not to look too uninterested, gives a simple response, “Um it’s been going good,” he casually says.

She nods, “What about y/n?” she asks, always interested in hearing about you.

At this question, Jin seems to perk up more, this change in behavior not going unnoticed by someone else at the table, “Great,” he says, “she’s currently working at a paid internship for some technical writing company that specializes in space and astronomy,” he continues on, “she really seems to love it.” 

A smile appears on his mother’s face, happy to know that you were doing great. 

“But what about you?” the voice across the table suddenly asks, and Jin is met with the glare of his father, “you seem to have so much to say about y/n, but so little about yourself,” his dad comments, and Jin could physically feel his stomach drop, his words reminding him of what he just shredded at home not too long ago.

“What do you want me to say?” Jin asks, hiding his nervousness through a monotone voice.

His dad scoffs, “That you’re doing something with your life,” he says a little too harshly, “that you’re not living in the shadow of your girlfriend.”

“Sungj—”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” Jin sneers in the same amount of attitude his dad had.

“Seokjin!” his mother shouts, “That’s your father you're speaking to,” she reminds him, believing that the practice of respect should still be something upheld no matter what, “Kids, go to your room,” she tells the twins, and without question they do.

Jin quickly calms himself down, just wanting to leave before this escalated any more, “It means that I told you that business was the way to go, but no you were so adamant on proving me wrong and pursuing your dreams that now you can’t even guarantee yourself an independent future!” his dad spat in return, his voice now raising with every sentence . The bottled feelings from years ago now spilling out... rapidly at that.

“Why is it that with you it’s always business, business, business?” Jin throws his hands in the air, “I mean really that’s all I’ve ever heard from you growing up! Jin you need to be like this, Jin you need to make sure you do this, Jin I need this from you,” he mocks his dad, “I mean really is that all you care about dad? Meeting your expectations? Following your footsteps?”

“I do it because you’re my son Seokjin! My son, who I thought I raised to think critically, to strive for success—”

“You think I’m not trying?” Seokjin shouts, his voice turning hoarse at the end, “You think I wanted to fail? To have to come to the realization that—” he stutters, “that shit’s not going how I planned it?” Jin’s mother feels her eyes brim with tears, “That while my long time girlfriend is on her way to becoming a star in her field that I’m stuck waiting tables with a useless degree in my pocket! Is that what you want me to say, dad? Is that it?”

He remains silent.

“You think I don’t know that I’ve made a mistake? That I don’t wake up with the dread of knowing that I’m not at all good for her? That while she could be with someone who makes just as much money as she does and actually provides for her, she decides to stick with me? The person who can hardly offer her anything?” rather than feeling a weight come off his shoulders, Jin feels an extra burden get added on, almost feeling suffocated.

“Well then I’m sorry dad! I’m sorry I couldn’t be the magnificent first born son you wanted!” by now tears are spilling out of Jin’s eyes in such a rapid pace that his vision blurs.

All his father can do is stare at him, unsure of what to say or do.

Growing up Jin’s father wasn’t much of an affectionate parent, that role being filled more by his mother than his dad. If anything his father usually kept more of a reserved and stoic personality, his love language shown by the long nights of work he puts in for his family at the office and the constant pushing for success. And so here in this moment, to have his oldest son who he’d push to his complete limit cry his heart out in front of him, probably in desperate need of a hug, Sungjin just couldn’t bring himself to comfort him.

And so instead he simply said, “Goodnight Seokjin,” in the softest voice possible, before making his way upstairs to his bedroom, leaving the words he so desperately wanted to say unsaid.

Jin feels the arms of his mother hug him, her eyes as teary stained as his, “Ah Seokjin,” her voice breaks as she attempts to comfort him.

“I—” Jin hesitates, “I need to go back home mom,” and gently he breaks away from the hug.

“Seokjin…” his mother worries, “Just stay here for the night, I’ll grab your old sheets from the closet and—”

“Mom,” he simply says, a way of finalizing his decision

Knowing she wasn’t going to be able to convince him, she squeezes his shoulder in an effort to comfort him, “Drive safe,” she says.

He nods, just wanting to go home and sleep the night away.

Unlocking the door to your guys’ apartment, Jin was surprised to see you in the kitchen making ramen, your packed bags laid across the couch. 

Having heard the door open, you turn to face him, “Hey—” and almost immediately your expression goes from one of happiness to one of concern. Quickly you rush towards him, his puffy eyes telling you that he’d been crying, “Hey, what’s wrong?” you raise your hand to cup his cheek.

Jin simply stares at you with a saddened look, unsure of what to say. “Hey, I’ve realized tonight after an argument with my father that I’m a complete utter failure, and you have no chance at a happy future by being with me.” Is that what he should say? It was the truth, wasn’t it?

“It’s—” he pauses, “It’s nothing,” he lowers your hand from his face, taking off his shoes and setting his keys down.

“Seokjin—”

“Y/N, it’s nothing,” he repeats, his way of telling you that he was serious, “I’m going to bed,” he exhales a deep sigh, making his way towards the bedroom, leaving you standing in the living room by yourself, wondering what in the hell just happened?

The next morning, as per usual Jin awoke to an empty bed, your Monday’s usually having you go in very early in the morning. 

Jin groaned as he got up, remembering that today was his day off. God, did he just wanna stay in bed all day, but remembering that the two of you were running low on groceries, he thought might as well make himself useful and do the buying for the week.

Looking at himself in the bathroom mirror, he noticed the strands of his hair he once kept short now getting longer, resembling the mullet he used to have when he was a teen. Not that he hated it or anything, but it was an odd sight to see, and so he grabbed his hair cutting scissors from the cabinet and began to unevenly chop the long strands of hair ultimately resulting in a chopped banged look. To make it look more natural, he ruffled his hair at the end, not bothering to style it.

After that he changed into casual clothing and made his way to the grocery store, relying on nothing but his pure memory for the things he needed to buy. 

Humming while pushing the cart full of groceries back to his car, he stops when something catches his eye. 

Across the street was the headquarters of one of the internships he had applied for. And maybe it was due to the argument he had with his dad the day before, or the fact that he’d been feeling like a complete utter failure recently, but getting into his car, Jin couldn’t bring himself to drive away and go back home. Instead he got out of the car and began to walk across the street, unsure of what it was he was planning to do.

Ding. Ding.

Jin rings the service bell, that impulsive courageous feeling he felt earlier suddenly abandoning him.

A man, who looked like he was near Jin’s age, walks out of the back office, a tag that read the name “Jungkook” pinned on the left side of his chest, “Hello, how can I help you?” he greets, a small smile on his face.

“Oh um—” Jin becomes flustered, but deciding that there was no backing down he continued on, “I sent in an application here a couple of months ago and I haven’t heard back from anyone, so I was just wondering—”

Jungkook’s face becomes one of nervousness, “Oh I’m sorry sir—” he tries to interrupt but Jin relents.

“If there’d been some kind of delay in the process, and well if there has been, if I could talk to someone because I really need—”

“Sir,” Jungkook repeats, this time halting Jin from continuing, “that position you’re talking about was filled months ago,” he practically whispers with a look of both awkwardness and pity on his face, “maybe your letter got lost in the mail, but there’s not really much you can do by coming in here.”

Jin, clearly in denial, nods his head no, “Please,” he pleads, “I just need to talk to someone for like ten minutes at most, I swear.”

“Sir—”

“Can’t you write down my number or something? Pass it on at least?!”

Jungkook can only stare at the frantic man, unsure of what to say or do, “I-” he stutters, “I can’t,” he ultimately says, not wanting to give this man false hope nor waste his time by writing his name and number down, “I’m gonna have to call security if you don’t leave,” he says, voice wobbling. 

It’s only then that Jin realizes how crazy he must’ve looked. Not only was he in casual clothing, but his hair was all messy and he was sure his eyes must’ve been dilated in cause of his desperation.

“I’m-I’m sorry,” he whispers under his breath, hastily making his way out. 

What was he thinking? Barging in and demanding things like that…. God he was losing it. Though he knew better than to let his dad’s words get to him, for some reason they were just eating at him.

“... it’s also important to know that like any other career there is a risk of not making it because at the end of the day that’s how life works and sometimes things are just out of our control… but the real question is if you’re willing to accept it if it happens…”

Your words from years ago ring in his head, and he shakes his head in denial. No he wasn’t … he wasn’t willing to accept it and he knew he’d only continue looking like a fool if he didn’t. But he just couldn’t. Because fully accepting it would mean he’d let you down. That the person you said you were sure was going to make it, was nothing but a failure.

And so he walks back to his car, dreadfully going back home, forgetting the words you spoke after. 

That everything would be okay, and that you’d be with him every step of the way.

“Since the day Jin and I had met, we had never seriously fought over anything, yeah, we’d occasionally get into a petty quarrel, but never enough to really get us truly mad. Things like which character in a movie was morally correct, or who ate the leftovers from the night before were as heated as our arguments ever got, and even then we’d always forgive each other after a couple of hours of cooling off, but this time… this time it was different. This time it was serious.”

Opening the door, Jin sighed as set down the bagged groceries on the floor, mentally and physically exhausted from everything, personally declaring to himself that this week was just a really bad week for him. 

Taking off his shoes, he began to make his way into the kitchen, deciding that maybe a cold cup of water would relax him. 

But when he was met with you, sitting on the kitchen isle’s chair with several shredded pieces of paper on the surface of the isle in front of you, along with an unshredded one in your hand, he was sure he wanted to curl up in a ball and disappear.

The look on your face said everything, it was a mixture of betrayal, anger, and sadness all in one. The two of you stared at each other for the longest, words not having to be exchanged in order to understand what was going on, until finally you break the silence and it’s what you ask that Jin swore he felt his soul go cold, “W-Why?” is all you say, your voice weak and fragile.

He gulps down the lump in his throat, the words barely managing to come out of his mouth, “Because y/n I just—” he pauses, unsure of what to say, “I just couldn’t tell you,” he ultimately says, pushing his hair back with his hand.

“But why?” you repeat the same question from before, your voice now growing louder as you get up from the seat, “I just don’t understand,” you add because no, you weren’t angry, you weren’t sad … you were hurt. You were concerned. You were worried. For you had just found out that the man you loved more than anything went to this extent to hide something from you. To hide something so … trivial.

Tears well up in your eyes when you notice the glossiness in his own eyes, “You—” his voice cracks, “You wouldn’t get it,” he states, and this causes you to get defensive.

“I’m sure I would, if you’d just talk to me,” you barked back, coming closer to him, “Whatever it was, it should’ve never resorted to this!” you flail the paper in your hands around. 

You don’t mean to yell, but you do. It was frustration that was coming out of your mouth, he had to understand that … right? 

Sighing you continue, “Today at work I just couldn’t focus, not when I knew there was something seriously bothering you,” you explain how you’d come to find the paper along with the rest of it’s shredded companions, “So I asked if I could leave early, thinking that since you had the day off I could maybe possibly get whatever it was out of you. Of course seeing that you weren’t here, I did some snooping of my own and well…” you shake your head.

“You’ve been lying to me for months Seokjin…. each time I’d ask you if you’d heard anything you’d say no, knowing you had … and for what? Because you didn’t wanna show me that you got rejected?” you sigh in dismay because despite him not answering you, you knew exactly why he didn’t tell you anything, “I would’ve helped you, you know? We could’ve worked on your resume or make a better project to show, I could’ve helped,” you grab his hand, a way of wanting to show that even now you were still beside him, “Say something Jin,” your voice breaks.  

“You don’t—” he looks down at you, “You don’t get it y/n,” he monotonously repeats, removing your hand from his and walking towards the bedroom, a tired expression on his face. 

He could feel it… he could feel himself cracking. With every minute that continued to pass in this wretched day, the selfless Jin everyone knew and loved was reaching his breaking point and the last person he wanted to take it out on was you. But you just kept pushing.

“Seokjin!” you force him to turn around by pulling at his hand, “Just talk to me!” you demand.

“And say what!” he finally screams, “What do you want me to say y/n?!” he cries out, tears spewing out of his eyes, “That I completely failed at my dream? That my dad was right, and that film was nothing but a mistake? That I could be working at some fancy company that pays a decent salary rather than relying on tips from a hard day’s work? That when I look at myself in the mirror, I see nothing but a failure!”

“Don’t say that about yourself,” you demand.

“It’s true isn’t it?” he questions, “Can’t you see that I’m not the person you think I am, that you’ve wasted your time being with some—”

“Just shut up already,” you grit your teeth, “... can’t you see I don’t care? I don’t care if you’re the richest or poorest man on Earth, I don’t care if your dad thinks that your career path is wrong, I don’t care if you or other people think you don’t deserve what you have, I just don’t care! What I do care about is your happiness and that shouldn’t rely on meeting other people’s expectations, including my own Seokjin. Because trust me, as long as I’m with you, I’m the happiest girl in the world. I promise you, if there’s one thing that’s true in this world, it’s that,” you lay your heart bare.

By now the both of you are crying, tears silently rolling down from the corners of each other's eyes. 

It hurt to see Jin think so lowly of himself, especially when you knew just how much of an amazing person he was.

“Y/N…” he whispers your name as softly as he can, “I’m just really tired, and I just really wanna go to sleep,” his voice breaks.

“Seokjin—”

“Please?” he frowns, his eyes yearning to be closed.

“I’ll—” you pause for a moment, “I’ll see you in bed then,” you ultimately say, sadness looming in the air for the words unsaid.

Silently nodding, Jin makes his way to the bedroom, gently shutting the door behind him and exhaling a deep breath of air, silent muffled sobs finally escaping. A decision already set in his mind.

“A part of me used to think that I should’ve immediately went to bed that night, that then I would’ve caught him crying and maybe we could’ve thoroughly talked everything out that night, but then I think about all of the events that later happened after that night, and that’s when I understand that maybe we were doomed from the beginning…”

It had been a couple of weeks since the argument with Jin and though your interactions were still a little stiff with one another, you were still hopeful that things would get better. They had to.

Sighing, you unlock the door to your apartment, ready to take a nap after a long day of work. Kicking off your shoes, you say something outloud, assuming that Jin was in the kitchen like he usually was whenever you’d come back from work, “Jin take out the kimchi from the fridge for me please,” your voice weirdly echoes across the room, changing your course of direction from the bathroom to the kitchen.

“Jin?” you ask to an empty kitchen, “Hm,” you hum to yourself, maybe he was in the bedroom …

Walking inside, you see that he isn’t there, but what you do notice is the sudden emptiness of the room. The clothes he’d have thrown around no longer scattered around the room, and his little Mario figurines were no longer on the wooden shelf you two had built from scratch …. What in the hell was going on?

“Seokjin?” you shout again, hoping this was some kind of stupid prank on his part. 

In a panicked manner, you look inside every possible room in the apartment, from the closets to the restroom, Jin being nowhere to be found. It isn’t until you do a second search of the kitchen that you notice that there was a note on the floor (most likely accidentally falling to the floor earlier).

Eyebrows furrowing when you read the note, you immediately grab your keys, shock and anger acting as your driving force.

“Right when I left, it began to rain heavy... It’s weird … I remember driving with such a rage that night I was sure I was driving recklessly… but for some reason, as ironic as it was, there was an artist playing on the radio that must’ve kept me at bay, Mariah Carey singing Without You …”

Knock. Knock. Knock.

The door opens.

“Ah Y/N,” Mrs. Kim greets you, her apron from either cooking or baking still on, “I feel like I haven’t seen you in such a long time,” she chuckles, hugging you in the process. Despite your current dilemma, you feign a smile, not wanting to be disrespectful even if you were in a horrible mood. “Is Seokjin with you?” she genuinely asks, and this causes your expression to be one of shock.

He wasn’t here? Then where the hell was he?

“O-oh no,” you stutter, partially due to the freezing weather, “I thought he was here...” you say, and his mother’s face immediately becomes one of concern.

“No...” she hesitantly says, clearly confused, “Not that I know of,” she furrows her brows, “Oh honey, you’re soaking, come in, come in,” she insists, “maybe we can try calling his job using the house phone,” she begins to ramble, but you stop yourself before completely entering, a sudden thought crossing your mind.

“A-a-actually it’s fine,” you say, “I think I know where he is.”  

She tilts her head in confusion, “Are you sure? The rain is only getting heavier, and I’m sure neither Seokjin or your parents would want you driving in these conditions,” she says, noting the dull look in your eyes. You appreciated her concern, for you knew she loved you in her own special way, always imagining that you’d one day be her future daughter in law.

It was only expected really, you’d been in Jin’s life for almost 7 years now, both she and your mom always glancing at your ring finger whenever you’d visit, itching to see it decorated by a piece of jewelry. 

If only Ms. Kim knew that that dream was slowly slipping away from your grasp at this current moment …

“Yes I’m sure Mrs. Kim,” you finally respond, “Don’t worry, I’ll drive safe,” you try to say as lightheartedly as possible.

Hesitantly, she nods, allowing you to leave.

“When Mrs. Kim had offered me to come inside, something had hit me out of nowhere and I remembered that it was raining. Pouring in fact. And my mind suddenly went back to the days when we were 17, remembering how he’d knock on my door with a bag of takeout after coming back from the one place you could always find him at on a rainy day… the diner. ”

Water is dripping from all over your body when you enter the diner, from your hair to your clothes, you were drenched in mother nature’s tears. The only thing that wasn’t completely soaking wet was the note in your hand, the one you slammed on the booth’s table he sat at once you spotted him.

He looks up at you with a pained expression on his face, “Everything I do is for you, and this is for the best. Don’t come looking for me, for I’ll be long gone by the next morning’s sunrise. I’m sorry. Yours forever, Jin,” you read the note out loud to him, a mixture of anger and hurt found in your voice.

He remains silent, watching as your fingers trembled in anger, “What?” you rhetorically ask, “Did you think I wasn’t going to come all the way down here to look for you, that I was just gonna accept this bullshit of a letter or whatever the fuck you wanna call it, and call it a day? Is that what you honestly thought?”

After several minutes of continuous silence, your voice rises in anger, “Don’t just look at me, say something!” you yell.

“Y/N,” he says, the volume in which you said it, catching the attention of the late night goers also at the diner, “you’re causing a scene.”

You take a seat across from him, planning on being as loud as you needed to be until you got some answers, “How could I not when my boyfriend of over 7 years decides to pack up his things and leave to God knows where while only leaving some sorry excuse of a note for me.” your voice shakes, “What the hell did you expect?”

“I’m sorry,” he whispers, genuinely meaning the two simple words, more than you could ever know. Did you think he wanted to leave you? That he wanted to toss away everything you two had built to the trash? That he wanted to hurt the person who meant the most to him in this world? Of course he didn’t. But he had to be the bad guy in this story. Not for him, but for you. Because he loved you so much, that’d he’d do anything to see you live the life you dreamt of.

“No,” you say, “I don’t believe this,” you fling the letter around in his face, “I need you to tell it to my face, then I’ll believe you,” tears begin to well up in your eyes. There was just no way. The Jin you knew would never do this to you, never in a million years.

“Y/N—” he sighs, but he knows you won’t relent until you hear it from him, “Y/N we can’t be together anymore,” he says, and the words echo in your mind as he continues, “After tonight we’ll be nothing more than strangers,” he says in such a monotone voice, if you didn’t know any better you’d think he was a heartless being.

What you didn’t know was that Jin wanted to cry. He wanted to scream. Every nerve in his body was begging him to break out in tears, but no matter how much he wanted to … he just couldn’t bring himself to break outwardly. Not right now at least. Because right now he needed to be unbreakable.

“You don’t know what you’re saying,” a single teardrop slowly rolls down your cheek, the agonizing ache you felt in your heart now growing because of his words, “Seokjin,” you whimper, “I-If this is because of what you were saying a couple of weeks ago,” forcibly you grab his hand from across the table, your lips quivering in fear of losing the person you loved the most, “then why can’t you see I don’t care? Because to me you’ll always be the tall, lanky, boy with an outdated mullet who first showed me around town 7 years ago with a camera pointed at my face. Because as long as we’re with each other, we’ll get through anything Seokjin …” you squeeze his hand tighter, “You’re my person Seokjin, mine, and mine only,” you try to smile, only causing more tears to spill out of your eyes as they crease. 

“Y/N…” just accept it, is what he wants to say because what he was about to say would change how you viewed him, it would make you question everything you ever knew about the person you loved, “I don’t know what else I can say or do for you to understand that I just don’t want to be with you anymore,” he feels the a knot forming in his throat, as if to tell him to stop immediately, that what he was saying would have irreversible consequences, “And I haven’t been for a while…” How disgusting he was.

“You’re—” your voice croaks, “You’re a liar—Seokjin please....” you cry.

He pulls his wallet out and sets the money for his meal down, getting up from his seat in the process, “I truly am sorry Y/N…” is all he can say, before giving you a final kiss on the forehead, his feet fighting against his will to turn around and apologize. To tell you that he was just being an idiot and beg for your forgiveness. But he couldn’t.

He wouldn’t.

And so pushing the door open, he took one final glance at you, knowing he’d left his heart with you.