#like we have media made for women- most commonly romantic media

[cursedvibes]

Besides jjk, what other media do you like?

Hm, if we're talking about completely different media (not manga, I mean), I'm a pretty big fan of the Warhammer novels, especially Warhammer 40k. I like the universe overall, but I haven't played the ttrpg yet, only watched a match when I was very young, and I still couldn't bring myself to spend loads of money on figures and painting kits....so novels it is. But there's great stuff there, so I'm not complaining in the slightest.

Warhammer has a pretty divisive reputation, in part deserved, but by having Adeptus Mechanicus (ultra-religious cyborgs) and Necrons (pseudo-ancient egyptian space robots) be my favourite sections and avoiding anything Space Marine and Horus Heresy (most popular novel series), I seemed to have dodged the most toxic parts. There are actually parts that I would say are really progressive. It's certainly the only time I've read a novel (Imperator: Wrath of the Omnissiah) with a genderless mc that uses neopronouns and where the story doesn't focus on ver gender/identity.

I just really like how versatile the universe is. Sci-fi with prominent horror elements and an abundance of species and societies, where you can tell basically every kind of story you could think of. The epic battles against Tyranids (space locusts) or Orcs are most commonly known, but you can also have stories about your average citizen in a hive city or some Mechanicus researcher on some far off planet. Stories about non-humans are thankfully also getting more numberous. Recently there was a great book series about Necrons that explored their origins and culture and likened their forceful transformation from humanoids to robots to dysphoria, which was really interesting (there are also actual trans people, a trans woman and a nonbinary person).

What I especially appreciate about Adeptus Mechanicus in particular is that I have an abundance of mad scientist stories, that not only feature the appropreate amount of horror, but also lack tedious romantic subplots (most Warhammer stories do) and also talk about neurodivergency, their negative perception and oppression by the Imperium ("regular humans") and a bunch of gender fuckery. You have vaguely humanoid shaped piles of walking metal with deep booming voices, who use she/her pronouns and everyone roles with it because who would dare to question her? Or there's one Mechanicus ambassador to the Imperium, who used technology to have the appearance of a young attractive man because that makes negotiations easier. We don't know what the ambassador used to look like and it's never considered important. Or a tech priest who gave himself the voice of his favourite opera singer. A tech priestess who made herself an armour with boobs and wide hips. While others might choose to become nothing more than a brain in a tank, she chooses to project femininity and we never find out what she looks like underneath because how she wants to be perceived is more important. I just really like that diversity.

But unfortunately, not everyone sees it that way and the most loud and notorious fans are the ones who live out their white supremacy wet dreams through the Imprium and particularly Space Marines, not realizing that worshipping and dying for a corpse is actually a bad thing. Having an inquisition, that functions as a xenophobic thought police isn't something you should strive towards. But power suits cool, so....

You actually see this big divide in the book reviews. For example, I have read pretty much all Titans (big robots you can pilot but that have their own feral consciousness, kinda like Eva) novels currently out and the majority of them have female leads, prominent female characters or just female pilots in general. It's not a big deal and I never see anyone comment on it in reviews. Then we got a Horus Heresy novel focused on Titans and the Warhammer bros went apeshit because the main characters are a squad of all-women pilots. Calling it man-hating and toxic feminism and all that. To be fair, single-gender pilot squats are pretty rare, I never encountered them before, but it's just one, kinda culty, group of a mother and her daughters (not all biological). And it's really just the pilots who are women. Those Titans, especially the bigger ones, have an entire crew inside for maintenance, assistance, mechanics etc. and those people have all kinds of genders. They also never say they hate men, it's just a tradition. One woman hates one particular man, but that's because he's her ex. Nothing dramatic. But of course those fans don't care. I'm just glad they apparently aren't reading the other novels.

So yeah, bit controversial, but I've read a lot of great Warhammer novels and trans people being Warhammer fans is by now a bit of a meme. I actually had a few dates that started out as "holy shit, another trans person that's into Warhammer!" Quite funny.

[taehyungfirst]

I fear Tae will never be free from the Taennie situation as long as shippers of the couple still exist and keep trying to link every situation Tae does to her like desperate people.

Most of them claiming FRI(END)S was for her because the cover was Pink (and GREY!) as if that’s not a commonly used color palette. Other groups have also used those colors recently. And the lyrics also have not match for them because as far as I’m concerned, they did not meet in 2009. And the message of the MV wasn’t romantic either. It was Tae saying that he has to live for himself, not in the expectation of something. So they needed to move on and made up some random thing to link them.

He couldn’t even change his icon without being accused of “giving hints about his “still existing relationship with Jenn!e” only for him to change it like 4 times more because that’s Tae and he is always on a pfp crisis when he is trying to figure out what picture looks best on his Instagram. And he changes his icon like 4 times a month.

Then recently, a lot of armyblinks/shippers were trying to claim Jenn!e/Jiso0 were at JK’s GOLDEN listening party based on a 144p video (that was taken from stalkers) and assumed two random women walking with black hair were them. And if you increase the quality of the video - it didn’t even look like them. Not only that, Tae wasn’t even in the video. The restaurant that hosted the party had to come out and say to stop spreading unfounded rumors.

Even after the break up articles - they are still desperate to link them together. It’s a nightmare that I fear won’t end until another relationship of hers gets confirmed. So Tae can finally be free from it once and for all.

Unfortunately, for the time being Taehyung will still get linked to her because 1. it’s the highest moment of her career, 2. blinks are obsessed with Tae, 3. cult shippers will do anything to keep it alive to push narratives.

But I think it will end soon, we just need time and a new shiny news that will shift the focus of media, she will get into another relationship and the majority will shut tf up (I say majority because there will be a minority of freaks forever bringing that up).

I still don’t understand how they keep existing with the way Taehyung behaves 😭 they got so much audacity aren’t they embarrassed 😭

[todayisafridaynight]

I think the reason women and LGBT+ flock to the series is because the men are attractive and complex beyond surface level machismo and all that. There's also the fact that they aren't threatening? Like sure they're definitely a threat, but like not to the viewer. And there's all the stuff with their feelings and the emotional moments. At least that's some of the reasons anyway.

no those are definitely the reasons that's so true.

i think when it comes to purposefully trying to craft something towards women, i think the execution makes it abundantly clear what their agenda is right. when it comes to things like RGG, that just happens Cause It Happens out of writing the story and characters

[ardentperfidy]

ok so I got this response to this post I made about a queer ship in the show arcane and I thought about replying snarkily and then I thought about ignoring it and then I actually couldn’t stop thinking about how commonly I hear variations on this in fandom spaces, across fandoms, and specifically the accusation that queer shipping undervalues friendship

and I think it is true that there are a lot of common queer ships, often mlm ships, that are based on coding that has an equally or more plausible intensely close platonic reading, but I want to defend the romance reading and I think it’s because of this weird confluence of tropes/social phenomena??

because the quintessential romance most of us grew up with is the Disney princess, love at first sight thing, but this doesn’t actually involve much romantic development. the romance is either an endgame prize or a side plot. and because it doesn’t really involve much development (and thus, in the absence of an external obstacle, is pretty boring), it’s the kind of romance plot seen in a lot of mainstream media where the focus of the show isn’t romance. the relationship shown on screen is often just a meet cute, or a moment where characters feel a “spark”, and then a few scenes where we establish that the characters have a common interest, admire some character trait of the other, or even just both felt the spark. and honestly, it comes up a lot in network TV because it makes it easy for producers to try out love interests, keep them on the backburner, and if people don't respond to them well, we get a briefly or not at all foreshadowed conflict that breaks them up, and if people respond well then usually we get a dramatic life or death bonding scene to show the depth of the characters' feelings for each other (of the kind we often see repeatedly between platonic leads - don't @ me, @ the number of episodes i've watched that are just 'girlfriend getting kidnapped'). then there’s the unrelated fact that most men, especially american men, don’t have close, emotionally deep friendships. it’s not good or healthy, but it’s a well-established phenomenon (thx toxic masculinity). and honestly, most people in general don’t have the intense closeness of relationships we see on tv because most people’s lives just aren’t that intense! which is all good and fine, outside of sitcoms most people don't want to watch the reality of like, weekly or monthly catch-ups on life between groups of people who are super busy with the monotony of daily life, but like, it is definitely beyond what most people experience in their everyday friendships.

so then when we get fictional depictions of very intense same-sex friendships, it just hits all of our trope buttons for one of the other big romance tropes, this time often in shows where the romance IS a big part of the story, of long time friends who realize it’s love. I mean, it’s Harry Met Sally, it’s Jim and Pam, Cory and Topanga, Luke and Lorelei. the story is they’re just friends until they’re not, and honestly often the only "set up" or other compatibility we get differentiating this from just a friendship is that the characters are het and hot (again, thx Harry and Sally, men and women can't be friends). so we've seen this trope over and over, we feel it in our bones, and then when you get a show where the canon love interests are shallow (often the female love interests of male leads, because misogyny and comphet), but the same-sex leads have this intense, platonic long-term bond, (like, lookin' at you supernatural, sherlock, 9-1-1, probably more that i just don't watch), and, even when there is no queer-coding, no romance-coding, just a platonic bond, it is totally understandable that this hits all of these trope buttons for people!

or there's also the fact that this is just all fictional, and people can enjoy their media consumption even if it's in ways you wouldn't enjoy your media consumption.

[alteredphoenix]

A Question (And More) on the Matter of Human-Elf Relationships

I’ve had this thought in my head for a while, and I’ve spoken of it somewhat in notes from a couple Windrunner-centric fanfics, but I wonder if the Sylvanas novel will touch on the subject of human-elf relationships. It’s a trope that is popularized from Tolkien’s Lord of the Rings trilogy with Aragorn and Arwen and dates farther back to Lord Dunsay’s The King of Elfland’s Daughter with Alveric and Lizrael, which is most commonly attributed to a male human/female elf pairing, and World of Warcraft is no exception with the likes of Alleria and Turalyon, Sylvanas and Nathanos (however this may be interpreted), and Vereesa and Rhonin.

However, it should not come as a surprise that whenever the Windrunners are brought up in regards to the tumultuous strain Sylvanas - and, by extension, Alleria - have put on the family, the men in their lives are often brought into the fold in snide, disparaging tones. More than once I’ve heard the cracks that “they [human men] are taking away our women!” from blood elf players, remarks that the Windrunners are only known for being arm candy despite having their own goals separate from the men, making assumptions that Arator would be into men the same way his mother and are despite having little development, and calling Giramar and Galadin (and just these two, since AFAIK no one ever brings Arator into this) “abominations” for simply being half-elves. This last part especially hurts me on a personal level since I, as well as my older brother, are of mixed heritage, our father Italian and our mother Mexican with Native American ancestry, and while I’m positive I haven’t heard anything of the like from either sides of the family when they were dating it’s no secret that neither grandparents - or at least my maternal grandparents - weren’t particularly keen on seeing my parents hook up after dating for three months. Or rather my mom’s siblings didn’t want to see her get with my dad; it’s a literal crack ship made real, my mom being someone who’d fit right in with a cheesy Hallmark movie that fits every trope Under the Sun and my dad being cut straight from the cloths of Italian-American gangster period pieces and stoner flicks (and much more that fit into this topic, but for the sake of this piece let’s preserve his youthful years in this particular image).

But I digress. You get the idea.

However, I do wonder how this would translate in-universe with the Windrunner family. We don’t know of Sylvanas and Vereesa’s reactions to Alleria developing romantic feelings for Turalyon in the Second War, but since we know that Vereesa and Rhonin raised Arator once Alleria and Turalyon departed for Draenor and went missing thereafter we can assume the reception was positive. Sylvanas being close to Nathanos, however, whether or not it’s romantically reciprocal on her end or merely of a deep, platonic, unspoken fondness, is met with scorn: Nathanos was always at odds with Lor’themar in life from the moment of his induction as a Ranger Lord (a position that Kael’thas, Renthar Hawkspear, and Halduron were against, if we are to take In the Shadow of the Sun as canon), was discriminated against by the people of Silvermoon in life even as rumors began to spread of the possible romantic developments he and Sylvanas may have had, and in death is callously if rightfully disregarded for his role in the Fourth War, again by Lor’themar. This is especially odd now, in a time where we have the inclusion of an interracial couple involving Lor’themar, a blood elf man, falling in love and committing himself into a relationship with Thalyssra, a woman who was once a night elf - two races that have locked horns and butt heads with each other as far back as ten thousand years ago and were just as recently fighting right outside Suramar’s gates. However, neither is human, but this does bring up the question as to why a blood elf/nightborne coupling is acceptable but a high elf/human is not, especially when you take into account that blood elves and pre-Void ritual void elves are at their most basic high elves in all but magical and political affiliation. Let’s also not forget we also have LGBTQIA+ inclusion with Matthias Shaw and Flynn Fairwind - but again, they are a human/human coupling, not a human/elf, so this throws this double standard into a more glaring light.

Obviously we can assume that the reason why human/elf relationships might be frowned upon in elven society is because of the discrepancies of their longevity. Elves in media are either long-living or immortal and humans maintain their mortal lifespan (unless you’re of the race of Men from LotR, then you’re going to last over two centuries). An answer to this question can be found in the Warcraft RPG, where the scorn and prejudice half-elf offspring face is boiled down to disapproval toward human-elf unions as well as profiling because of their ethnicity: humans are jealous of the half-elf’s extended lifespan, the high elves see the half-elf as proof of their bloodline being diluted, and the night elves are suspicious of the half-elf due to having high elf blood, as mentioned here in this section. Unfortunately the RPG and its supplemental guides are rendered non-canon; the night elf-high elf schism remains, but nothing is spoken of toward human-elf relations, save that the honorbound pact they had established in the Troll Wars waned and then deteriorated after the Second War (although some elves remained in Lordaeron and Dalaran among their allies, disagreeing with Anasterian’s edicts to return to Silvermoon).

This leads me to believe that part of the distaste is military ability, at least where Nathanos is concerned. He was, after all, the first and only human Ranger Lord in Quel’Thalas. But Nathanos is just one person that is seen in a negative light in-universe, whereas Rhonin and Turalyon are looked upon more favorably. If only briefly, I would like to read how Lireesa and the Windrunner patriarch responded to Alleria and Sylvanas getting close to Turalyon (and perhaps Nathanos; while we don’t know what happened to Papa Windrunner, the timeline is very inconsistent in that Lireesa has three separate instances of death that contradict each other at; if we look upon Tales of the Hunt from the Trueshot Lodge, then we can assume Lireesa died during the Second War, so she may or may not have known about Turalyon).

Perhaps through the upcoming novel, we may get a more in-depth look at human-elf relationships through the context of the Windrunner family and how this extends to the blood elf, night elf, and human perspectives. Through them we might have a better understanding how this will affect half-elves, few and rare as they are in Azeroth, emotionally and where they stand in the world in canon proper, and if the same racial prejudices that we encounter in real life are either matched or nonexistent.

[aion-rsa]

Bad Buddy and the Subversive Sentimentality of BL Storytelling

https://ift.tt/eA8V8J

This Bad Buddy article contains some spoilers, though not for the series finale.

Bad Buddy wrapped up its 12-episode tale today. The Thai rom-com about two boys who fall in love in spite of the rivalries between their parents and friend groups, became one of the sweetest stories of late 2021, a beacon of tenderness in a harsh world and a genre-defining example of the increasingly popular Boys’ Love (BL) format. With the dramedy airing its final episode via WeTV and Thai channel GMMTV’s official YouTube channel, let’s take a moment to reflect back on why this show is so damn good and why you might want to consider embracing the rich, transnational world of BL drama.

Bad Buddy begins as fun-loving Pat (Pawat “Ohm” Chittsawangdee) and perfectionist Pran (Korapat “Nanon” Kirdpan) enter their first year of university in Bangkok. Pat is an engineering major, while Pran studies architecture—two faculties traditionally at odds with one another. Unbeknownst to their feuding friend-groups, the animosity between Pran and Pat goes back much further than college and the engineering-architecture rivalry. The two grew up next to one another in an affluent Bangkok suburb, and their families are enemies. Because of this, the two have been pitted against one another since birth, made into competing symbols of their parents’ successes and failures. It’s a lot of pressure, only intensified by the fact that these two can’t keep their hands off one another. In general, the show is an utter delight, with a flexibility in tone that sees the the story expertly shifting from gloriously goofy to devastatingly romantic to just plain devastating in the blink of a frame. (And don’t even get me started on how this show manages to make flirting over product placements like Canon printers and peppermint-scented nasal inhalers so goddamn charming.)

Bad Buddy is situated within the context of Thai BL dramas (known as “Y” in Thailand). BL, short for “Boys’ Love,” is a term that originated in Japanese culture to describe stories (e.g. manga, web novels, TV shows) that feature homoerotic relationships between men. While BL dramas fall under the umbrella of queer media, they are a sub-genre traditionally created by and for (straight) women, though this has never been the whole truth and both the perception and reality of who consumes BL is continuing to evolve as the genre grows. Today, the term “BL” is used in many different cultural contexts, though is most commonly applied to narratives coming from East Asian and Southeast Asian countries, and it is becoming increasingly mainstream and popular. The Thai entertainment industry in particular has embraced the genre. (Even though same-sex marriage is still banned in Thailand.) As the genre becomes more popular in more financially lucrative mediums in which men disproportionately have more opportunities, it is common for men to serve as creators of BL on-screen stories. (Bad Buddy is directed by queer filmmaker Backaof “Aof” Noppharnach, one of the best storytellers working in the Thai BL industry right now.)

While BL fandom is diverse, it does historically skew female, presumably because women are looking for narratives that eliminate the explicit depictions of the power imbalances that come with a constructed gender binary and that we are awash in in our daily lives. Sometimes, this means looking to escape into a world in which women—though not femininity—are removed from the equation. In Boys Love Manga and Beyond: History, Culture, and Community in Japan, academic Rio Otomo writes: “To say the reader disappears in BL may sound negative. But forgetting one’s gendered body, or floating away from a fixed identity, is essentially a liberating concept and, for that reason, it is the core idea of queer theory.”

Why are so many women interested in stories that center men and their romantic relationships? In short, because it is exhausting being a woman in a world that devalues, objectifies, and polices women. When it comes to fantasy, it’s often more pleasurable for us to imagine a relationship in which women do not exist than it is to imagine a relationship that contains both men and women, given the ways that gender has been constructed in our cultures. (“Of course,” notes Otomo, “this reader may not necessarily be a woman but instead a man who has a desire to transform existing social relations, and, hence, is searching for a new utopian vision.”)

Tying this quote and the narratives of other Philippine fans of #ThaiBL to one of my favourite pieces of queer theory 😀 pic.twitter.com/F1t8MLUr1z

— Dr Thomas Baudinette (@tbaudinette) January 21, 2022

Even within the context of BL, Bad Buddy is special. Like any genre, BL has its fair of problematic tropes; Bad Buddy subverts so many of them, making for a stronger, more inclusive story. There is no homophobia in the world of Bad Buddy, with many supporting characters going out of their way to express encouragement of same-sex relationships—even before it becomes known that any of the characters are queer themselves. The challenges the central couple faces in being together never have anything to do with their queerness. In another example of Bad Buddy subverting toxic tropes, both Pran and Pat make it clear that they are not “only gay for each other,” a common trope that can read as bi-erasure or a broader dismissal of queerness. In Bad Buddy, it is made clear that the characters have distinct, queer identities outside of their attraction to and love for one another.

Bad Buddy actively challenges the casual misogyny that seeps into many mainstream stories. At one point in the series, Pran calls Pat out when he makes a gendered joke about their roles as “husband” and “wife.” “Does calling me a wife make you feel superior?” asks Pran, pushing back against Pat’s casual misogyny. “You don’t need to call us husband and wife.”

More broadly, Bad Buddy‘s female characters are depicted as full humans, with complex interior lives of their own. While the series features Ink (Pansa Vosbein), a girl from Pat and Pran’s past is presented as a potential threat to their coming together, in a subversion of the “crazy ex-girlfriend” trope, it’s eventually made clear that the true obstacle is actually the two boys’ unexpressed jealousy and unwillingness to communicate with one another. Ink is not only uninterested in either of them romantically, but is supportive of their relationship. Past that, she has identities and interests outside of her relationships to the male leads. The same can be said for Pran’s mother, Dissaya (Paradee Vongsawad). Though Pat and Pran’s parents are sometimes the antagonists of the story, they are never treated as villains. When the unexpectedly complex secret behind the parents’ long-running feud is revealed, and Pran confronts Dissaya about it, the narrative makes space for Dissaya’s pain and perspective, even while she stands in the way of the central couple. Another three-dimensional female character comes in the form of Pat’s younger sister, Pa (Pattranite Limpatiyakorn), who represents the other major relationship in Pat’s life. When one of Pran’s friends expresses a romantic interest in Pa, Pat doesn’t fall into the common misogynistic “don’t touch my sister” response, but rather says it is up to his sister, encouraging the boy to go for it. Generally, Pa and Pat’s sibling relationship is one of the healthiest in the show, and a constant source of support and solace for both characters. Without giving too much away, the show also features a “girls love” subplot, less common in BL dramas, that is treated with as much tenderness and romance as the central couple’s story.

If it wasn’t apparent from the examples above, Bad Buddy is artfully constructed. (One climactic scene is soundtracked completely by Thai xylophone.) There are the performances of series stars Nanon and Ohm, who not only have killer chemistry but demonstrate an impressive range in their respective portrayals of two men coming of age while trying to balance their hearts, ambitions, and family pressures. The performances suggest a complete commitment to the material on the parts of the young actors, but also speak to the talent of director Aof, and the rest of his team. Good performances tend to come from the creation of a safe space for actors to be vulnerable and explore, and P’Aof seems to have done that with Bad Buddy.

Bad Buddy scores on visual storytelling too. While the show doesn’t have the budget of the average American TV show, P’Aof makes exquisite use of what he does have—and, by that, I mean: when a scene is emotionally significant, he directs the shit out of it. When Pat and Pran share their first kiss, it is on a Bangkok rooftop. The scene is one of the series’ longer ones, running for six, emotionally heightened minutes as the two finally address the sexual and romantic tension that has been building for five episodes. P’Aof doesn’t rush it (Pat literally sighs 4.5 times before he even approaches the other boy), knowing how important the moment is. As Pat confesses his feelings to Pran, the camera gets tighter on the two performers, and the lights of the city blur into something abstract and distant. For a moment, Pran and Pat are the only two people in the world, leading to a desperate (on Pran’s part) and euphoric (on Pat’s part) kiss that has both characters in tears. It’s one of the most romantic and devastating scenes of TV I have seen in a long time, and it is only the midway point of this story. (Also, Pat is wearing a muscle tee that reads “Baseball Mom,” one of many choice T-shirts for the character throughout the series run, which is just icing on the cake.)

Thai BL, like any other genre, comes with its strengths and weaknesses. As with other genres, it’s not for everyone, nor does it have to be. But, in a global media landscape still ruled by the redundant machismo of Hollywood storytelling, it’s a breath of warm, fresh air—a wonderfully queer story that also happens to be one of the TV’s most romantic shows.

There’s nothing inherently lesser about sentimental storytelling; there’s as much potential for narrative complexity and power in the tears and laughter of melodrama as there is in the violent shadows of grimdark drama. If you’re open to that potential, Bad Buddy‘s tender, joyful, often hilarious tale of two boys coming-of-age in love could be for you.

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[hellomynameisbisexual]

Today we welcome to the blog my friend Eliel Cruz. Eliel is a bisexual Christian covering bisexuality for The Advocate and is co founder of The Intercollegiate Adventist GSA Coalition. Eliel frequently writes on the topics of sexuality, religion, and media at The Huffington Post, Believe Out Loud, and Mic. You can follow Eliel on Twitter or on Facebook.

***

“Are you full blown gay yet?”

My friend, who I hadn’t seen in years, asked me this question no less than five minutes into our lunch date. I was looking forward to catching up, but the question was like a punch in the gut. No longer was I excited to see her. During our transition from teen years to young adults, she apparently hadn’t changed her misconceptions on bisexuality. Like her misconceptions, my identity hadn’t changed either.

Bisexuality is misunderstood by both the gay and straight community—and is even less understood in the Christian community where sexuality is often limited to binary straight/gay and male/female.

When you’re bisexual, gender isn’t a deciding factor in romantic attraction. Bisexual activist Robyn Ochs has a commonly used definition saying, "I call myself bisexual because I acknowledge that I have in myself the potential to be attracted – romantically and/or sexually – to people of more than one sex and/or gender, not necessarily at the same time, not necessarily in the same way, and not necessarily to the same degree.”

I never identified as gay. I grew up thinking that you actually had to choose to be straight or gay, never realizing that sexuality and gender can be incredibly fluid. When I found the term bisexual, I’m pretty sure the heavens opened up and the angels sang. That word made sense to me. I was sexually and romantically attracted to both men and women. I came out to friends and family and began my life of being questioned for my sexuality.

We live in a world where it’s easier to deal with the black and white, one or the other, the binary. But the truth is, that’s not how God created us. We are more complex than that. God’s creation is nothing close to binary.

The Church rarely discusses bisexuality, (though we rarely touch asexuality or the transgender community either). The conversation has been centered on the gay community as a “Gay vs. Christian debate,” leaving a large portion of the LGBT community out of the conversation. That’s a huge disservice to the conversation and that disservice is perpetuated by gay and straight Christians alike. So here are 7 tips to be inclusive while discussing the LGBT community.

1. Don’t assume someone’s gay.

This has happened to me many times. I’ll be discussing someone of the same sex and assumed to be gay. Or when I write about an experience of religious homophobia, I’m labeled gay. I distinctly remember Huffington Post tweeting a piece I wrote for them and saying it was from a “gay Seventh-day Adventist.” Assuming someone who is attracted to the same sex is gay can erase someone’s identity.

2. “Gay” is not an inclusive term.

Language is important, especially for writers; it’s the foundation of our profession. “Gays” is not an inclusive term as it only refers only to people exclusively attracted to the same gender and leaves out those of us attracted to multiple genders. It also leaves out the transgender community. Gay has never been an inclusive term. Using “LGBT” or writing it out would be inclusive. If that’s too “long”, I would say our identities are worth the extra characters.

3. Stop calling it “gay marriage.”

This one is common and it leads to the erasure of bisexual identities. Bisexual people get married to people of the same sex, but they are not in a gay or straight marriage. When we use blanket terms like “gay marriage” we assume that both people in the relationship are Gay and many times that’s not the case. An alternative to “gay marriage” is “marriage equality” or “same-sex marriage.”

4. Just because someone is bisexual, doesn’t mean they can just 'choose' a gender.

Many Christians believe that bisexual people can just choose one gender over another. This is usually prescribed as the alternative to a “sinful life” of being romantically involved with someone of the same-sex. While some may think it would just be the preferable, and easier, road for bisexual people—it’s not that easy.

Like most people, I don’t merely fall in love with a gender, I fall in love with a person— a unique individual. For me, this has less to do with sex and more to do with finding a true partner in life. I may end up spending the rest of my life with a woman or a man, but either way, I am still bisexual. Because sexuality isn’t determined by the gender of your partner.

5. Bisexuals is not synonymous with polyamorous.

The usual scare I get from Christians when I say I’m bisexual is the flawed idea that I’m going to need both a male and female partner. No, bisexual people don’t necessarily need a man AND a woman to be fulfilled. There are some people, just like in the straight community, that feel the need to have more than one partner. But it is not an attribute specific to bisexuality any more than polygamy is to Mormonism.

6. If you say “LGBT,” mean it.

There are too many times the acronym LGBT is used, yet the specific needs and concerns for those of us that are “B” or “T”, or even “L”, are not as well represented. We are pushed aside, forgotten, or not even known. Our community is diverse. If you’re going to write, discuss, or interact with the LGBT community—actually include all of us.

If you’re an LGBT affirming church or organization, have specific programs for the bisexual community. If you write about LGBT people but only end up using gay and lesbians as examples, find bisexual and transgender examples.

7. Raise up bisexual Christian voices.

There are a lot of stories from gay Christians that have received significant attention in both mainstream and Christian media. But how many times have you seen stories from bisexual Christians? Or transgender Christians? While they’re definitely out there, they can be harder to find, since they’re not being published as frequently on large platforms.

Stories are agents for change. They help us humanize the topic we talk about in a theoretical fashion. They’re an important reminder that we’re talking about is people—and in this community, we’re talking about Christians. So when you look for stories for your events, platforms, or just your individual education; seek us out. We are Christians that also have stories which need to be heard.

We have to start approaching this discussion in its full diversity, and that means including the bisexual community. There’s a thriving bisexual community even within the religious community. It’s time the church began interacting with us.

Resources:

http://www.advocate.com/bisexuality/2014/06/24/op-ed-are-you-full-blown-gay-yet

http://www.advocate.com/commentary/2014/06/10/op-ed-why-bi-so-tough-say

http://www.advocate.com/bisexuality/2014/06/02/13-things-never-say-bisexual-people

Sexuality, Religion and the Sacred by Loraine Hutchins (Editor), H. Sharif Williams (Editor)

Blessed Bi Spirit: Bisexual People of Faith by Debra Kolodny (Editor)

Bisexuality: Making the Invisible Visible in Faith Communities by Marie Alford-Harkey and Rev. Debra W. Haffner

[writing-prompts-for-friends]

Notes from Robert McKee’s “Story” 09: Genre and Expectations

The majority of this section defines genres and sub-genres of story. I’ll provide a summary of them at the end of the post. I think that we all as writers know what genre our works tend to lean toward, so I instead want to focus on what McKee has to say about what is expected of writers as dictated by genre and by the audience. 

Mastery of Genre

As life-long consumers of media, we have ingrained expectations of a story once we hear the genre. A rom-com? Well then, we’re in for a light-hearted comedy with a happy ending for the love interests. High fantasy? There’s gonna be lore and magic and elves and dwarfs, and a massive conflict that will probably span multiple novels or films. 

“The genre sophistication of filmgoers presents the writer with this critical challenge: He must not only fulfill audience anticipations, or risk their confusion and disappointment, but he must lead their expectations to fresh, unexpected moments, or risk boring them. This two-handed trick is impossible without a knowledge of genre that surpasses the audience’s.”

As writers, it is our job to identify our genre and research it thoroughly. In the previous section about setting, McKee explains how the setting of the story gives the writer both limitations and inspiration. 

Genre is, in a certain way, the frame in which the setting and story sit. Depending on the genre, the frame can be pliable or it can be rather fixed. Here you need to study your own genre deeply to find out exactly how flexible it is. For example, the genre of “Comedy” is much more pliable than that of the “Crime” genre. There are sub-genres, of course. But under the vast umbrella of “Comedy” almost anything goes as long as we can get a laugh out of it. “Crime” on the other hand, generally involves a struggle between a criminal and a justice-seeker (with the justice-seeker most commonly being the protagonist) and culminates in one triumphing over the other. 

How to Master Your Genre

“Never assume that because you’ve seen films in your genre you know it. This is like assuming you could compose a symphony because you have heard all nine of Beethoven’s.”

McKee states that genre study is best done in the following way:

List all the works that feel similar to yours, both successes and failures. Studying works that are similar to yours but were failures can lead to great insights.

Study each of these works from page to page, breaking each one down into elements of setting, role, event, and value. 

Stack these analyses on top of each other and look down through them all and ask yourself, “What do the stories in my genre always do? What are its conventions of time, place, character, and action?

Until you find these answers, the audience will always be one step ahead of you. 

Personally, that sounds like a lot of work lol. But doing case studies like he describes would certainly help me to better understand my genre. Idk when I’ll have time for it, but...well. I’ll work on it. 

Creative Limitations

This section really echoes what McKee had to say about setting, in that both setting and genre create boundaries for you to work within, but having boundaries pushes you to be more creative. 

Until now, I’ve always started writing a story on a whim, based on a single scene in my head that grows into some 300 page monstrosity. I resisted plotting and just wrote what I wanted to write that day. I enjoyed the freedom that came with having no specific plans and not thinking much about my genre. 

However, McKee uses a brilliant example to illustrate the beneficial aspects of understanding and working within the bounds of your genre:

“Robert Frost said that writing free verse is like playing tennis with the net down, for it’s the self-imposed, indeed artificial demands of poetic conventions that stir the imagination. Let’s say a poet arbitrarily imposes this limit: He decides to write in six-line stanzas, rhyming every other line. After rhyming the fourth line with the second line he reaches the end of a stanza. Backed into this corner, his struggle to rhyme the sixth line with the fourth and second may inspire him to imagine a word that has no relationship to his poem whatsoever--it just happens to rhyme--but this random word then springs loose a phrase that in turn brings an imagine to mind, an image that in turn resonates back through the first five lines, triggering a whole new sense of feeling, twisting and driving the poem to a richer meaning and emotion.

Thanks to the poet’s Creative Limitation of this rhyme scheme, the poem achieves an intensity it would have lacked had the poet allowed himself the freedom to choose any word he wished.

The principle of Creative Limitation calls for freedom within a circle of obstacles. Talent is like a muscle: without something to push against, it atrophies.”

So one of our first steps as writers is to identify our genre or combination of genres, and then learn the genre conventions. 

Genre conventions are the expected aspects of a certain genre. In a “Boy Meets Girl” romance genre, an obvious convention is that a boy and a girl must meet. It isn’t a cliche--it’s a necessary part of the equation. These conventions force us to use our imagination to reinvent the paradigms our genres and audiences demand, and if we can do it right, we fulfill their expectations while giving them something they had never dreamed of before.

Mixing and Reinventing Genres

What better way to sum up this section than Run DMC’s “Walk This Way,” which was the first hip hop hybrid video every played in heavy rotation on MTV? 

Generally, a work tends to be a mix of two or more genres. For example, there is a Love Story subplot in just about EVERYTHING nowadays, for better or for worse. By mixing genres we as writers have a chance to give the world something that has never been seen before. 

Something that McKee stresses is that genres are not static. He says:

“Genres are simply windows on reality, various ways for the writer to look at life. When the reality outside the window undergoes change, the genres alter with it.”

Social attitudes change. This means that what may have been a compelling story 50 years ago may not be as compelling when looked at once again today. The example McKee uses is the 1950′s film FALLING IN LOVE, which was about a man and woman who fell in love with each other but were already married and in unhappy relationships. Nowadays, in mainstream America, divorce isn’t a big deal. If an audience in 2020 watched this film, they’d just say, “You’re married to people you hate--just get a divorce already!”

“The audience wants to know how it feels to be alive on the knife edge of the now. What does it mean to be a human being today?

Innovative writers are not only contemporary, they are visionary. They have their ear to the wall of history, and as things change, they can sense the way society is leaning toward the future. They then produce works that break convention and take the genres into the next generation.

The finest writers are not only visionary, they create classics.”

McKee’s List of Genres

McKee states that there are many different ways to break genres down, and his is neither the best nor the most complete. Also, keep in mind that this book is actually focused around storytelling through film, so the references he uses are not books, but films. 

LOVE STORY. It’s sub-genre, Buddy Salvation, substitutes friendship for romantic love. 

HORROR FILM. This genre devices into three sub-genres: the Uncanny, in which the source of horror is astounding but subject to “rational” explanation, such as beings from outer space, science-made monsters, or a maniac; the Supernatural, in which the source of horror is an “irrational” phenomenon from the spirit realm; and the Super-Uncanny, in which the audience is kept guessing between the other two possibilities. 

MODERN EPIC (the individual versus the state).

WESTERN. 

WAR GENRE. Although war is often the setting for another genre, such as the Love Story, the WAR GENRE is specifically about combat. Pro-war versus Antiwar are its primary sub-genres. 

MATURATION PLOT or the coming of age story

REDEMPTION PLOT. Here the film arcs on a moral change within the protagonist from bad to good. 

PUNITIVE PLOT. In these, the good guy turns bad and is punished. 

TESTING PLOT. Stories of willpower versus temptation to surrender.

EDUCATION PLOT. This genre arcs on a deep change within the protagonist’s view of life, people, or self from the negative (naive, distrustful, fatalistic, self-hating) to the positive (wise, trusting, optimistic, self-possessed)

DISILLUSIONMENT PLOT. A deep change of worldview from the positive to the negative.

COMEDY. Subgenres range from Parody to Satire to Sitcom to Romantic to Screwball to Farce to Black Comedy, all differing by the focus of comic attack (bureaucratic folly, upper-class manners, teenage courtship. etc.) and the degree of ridicule (casual, caustic, lethal).

CRIME. Subgenres vary chiefly by the answer to this question: From whose point of view do we regard the crime? Murder Mystery (master detective’s POV); Caper (master criminal’s POV), Detective (cop’s POV), Gangster (crook’s POV), Thriller or Revenge Tale (victim’s POV); Courtroom (lawyer’s POV); Newspaper (reporter’s POV); Espionage (spy’s POV), Prison Drama (inmate’s POV); Film Noir (POV of a protagnoist who may be part criminal, part detective, part victime of a femme fatale). 

SOCIAL DRAMA. This genre identifies problems in society--poverty, the education system, communicable diseases, the disadvantaged, antisocial rebellion, and the like--then constructs a story demonstrating a cure. It has a number of sharply focused sub-genres: Domestic Drama (problems within the family), the Women’s Film (dilemmas such as career versus family, lover versus children), Political Drama (corruption in politics), Eco-Drama (battles to save the environment), Medical Drama (struggles with physical illness), and Psycho-Drama (struggles with mental illness). 

ACTION/ADVENTURE. This often borrows aspects from other genres such as War or Political Drama to use as motivation for explosive action and derring-do. If ACTION/ADVENTURE incorporates ideas such as destiny, hubris, or the spirtual, it becomes the sub-genre High Adventure. If Mother Nature is the source of the antagonism, it’s a Disaster/Survival work.

HISTORICAL DRAMA. The treasure chest of history is sealed with this warning: What is past must be present. He must find an audience today. Therefore, the best use of history, and the only legitimate excuse to set a film in the past and thereby add untold millions to a budget, is anachronism--to use the past as a clear glass through which you show us the present. 

BIOGRAPHY. This cousin to Historical Drama focuses on a person rather than an era. BIOGRAPHY, however, must never become a simple chronicle. That someone lived, died, and did interesting things in between is of scholarly interest and no more. The biographer must interpret facts as if they were fiction, find the meaning of the subject’s life, and then cast him as the protagonist of his life’s genre. These caveats also apply to the sub-genre Autobiography.

DOCU-DRAMA. A second cousin to Historical Drama, DOCU-DRAMA centers on recent rather than past events. 

MOCKUMENTARY. This genre pretends to be rooted in actuality or memory, behaves like documentary or autobiography, but is utter fiction. It subverts fact-based filmmaking to satirize hypocritical institutions.

MUSICAL. I would love to see a musical novel lol.

SCIENCE FICTION. In hypothetical futures that are typically technological dystopias of tyranny and chaos, the SCIENCE FICTION writer often marries the man-against-state Modern Epic with Action/Adventure. But, like history, the future is a setting in which any genre may play. 

SPORTS GENRE. Sport is a crucible for character change. This genre is a natural home for the Maturation Plot, the Redemption Plot, the Education Plot, the Punitive Plot, the Testing Plot, the Disillusionment Plot, Buddy Salvation, and Social Drama.

FANTASY. Here the writer plays with time, space, and the physical, bending and mixing the laws of nature and the supernatural. The extra-realties of FANTASY attract the Action genres but also welcome others such as the Love Story, Political Drama/Allegory, Social Drama, and/or Maturation Plot.

ANIMATION. I guess you could equate this to graphic novels, comics, and manga. 

Source: McKee, Robert. Story: Substance, Structure, Style, and the Principles of Screenwriting. York: Methuen, 1998. Print

[little-wintry]

Another Tired Writer’s PSA(tm)

DONT! LET! OTHER! PEOPLE! TELL! YOU! WHAT! YOU! CAN! AND! CANNOT! WRITE!!!!!

i was asked for years if “everything needed to be lesbian”. i put lesbians everywhere in my writing, as main characters and side characters and a thousand places in between

why???

i was a new lesbian!!! i was so excited to finally figure out my sexuality and OH MY GOD I CAN PUT MY OWN DEMOGRAPHIC INTO WRITING HOLY SHIT THIS IS AMAZING

it’s the same for any group of people that’s not straight and male and white. “does everything need to be women?” “do they all have to be gay?” “put some white people in your stories, it’s more realistic.”

granted, those are all fairly extreme and sexist/homophobic/racist examples, but many people have heard them in some form or another. the thing you have to remember the most is write for you. not for anyone else. not for your family, your best friend, nobody but you.

i put lesbians into every media i can shove them in because it’s a bit of wish fulfillment, truth be told. i’ve never been in a relationship myself and as someone who was pretty damn touchstarved for 12 years of my life a girlfriend would be great. and more importantly, how many young people could benefit from seeing themselves represented commonly in media? i could have been saved a good year and a half of arguing in my head about who i liked.

i thought about this rereading my series because the two main characters are both women and in a romantic subplot throughout books 1 and 2, and there’s two sets of side character lesbians. back then i was thinging “wow six lesbians that’s a lot” but now im thinking “who cares??? it’s my story back off i get to write the lesbians”

my writing god made fun a lot, not on purpose, but by backhanded things. people would poke fun at elements they didn’t think a lot of, but meant the world for me. and the biggest one? lesbians. and furries but we don’t talk about that because people are dicks and thought i was furry back then

i made my two main characters lesbians because it was enjoyable for me. i got to write a healthy relationship i wanted and could see myself in, in a perfect world. and i wrote them thinking “wow if young teenagers like myself read this they might figure themselves out i could help people”

so don’t judge a person if they seem to have a lot of one group in their stories, especially if they belong to that group. they just want to see themselves in media :)

[rukangle]

Shipping Saturday: RWBY - Blake and Ruby

https://insufferablefirecrackersinsufferablesworld.wordpress.com/

FEATURED ~ INSUFFERABLE FIRECRACKER

Welcome to the first of my Shipping Saturday blogs. Here’s how these are going to work. First, I’ll talk about all the reasons why you should “ship” these characters for a romantic pairing. Then, I’ll talk about reasons why other pairings might fit better. If you have different options than mine, that’s okay. Everyone is allowed to like different character pairings.

When I talk about “cannon”, that means there is firm implication or proof in the series that something actually happens.

When I talk about “fannon”, I am speaking about things that the greater fan-base has concluded based on subtext, or clues in the series. Fannon is a very loose term, because it can almost mean anything depending on who you talk to.

Examples: Saying that Blake is a Faunus is cannon. Saying that Blake and Ruby curl up and read together is fannon.

That said, the Blake/Ruby pairing, also known by fans as “ladybug”, is not a cannon pairing in the series. It is strictly a “fannon” or commonly called “fan fiction fodder”. The pairing is made up by the fan-base. It has very little cannon ground to stand on. It will remain that way until the RWBY series proves otherwise.

Frankly, I doubt the animated series will go in that direction. It seems as though the creators of RWBY are headed towards the implied cannon pairing of Yang/Blake, also known as “bumblebee”.

I’ll cover “bumblebee” as a pairing at a later date.

I tend to sail many ships, and Blake/Ruby are one of them. I have written fan fiction regarding this pairing, and I will continue to do so. That said, let’s get into the reasons why you should ship them.

Reasons to “Ship” Blake and Ruby (Ladybug)

As huntresses-in-training Blake and Ruby are versatile and tactical fighters in the series. Neither of their partners share that trait. Weiss is more defensive in combat, often acting as a support fighter. Yang is more aggressive because her semblance requires her to be.

Secondly, they’re both outliers in their team. Ruby is the youngest and she is a prodigy. Blake is the only Faunus on the team. Arguably, she has the most life experience outside of the kingdom’s walls. Weiss can be narrow-minded and Yang seems to fit in with everyone.

Thirdly, they both know exactly what they want out of being a huntress. The only question in their minds is how to attain it. They both want to be huntresses for the greater good of society. Ruby wants to be a huntress to help people. Blake wants to be a huntress to aid in the Faunus plight. This directly juxtaposes their other teammates. Weiss wants to be a huntress to redeem her family’s name. Yang wants to be huntress for the adventure and excitement of it all.

Fourthly, they have weaponry that is complex and dangerous to use. Crescent Rose and Gambol Shroud both have the ability to transform into scythes. Blake’s weapon is classified as a “Variant Ballistic Chain Scythe”. It’s important to note that Ruby is a weapon fanatic with a love of scythes that as she says “is also a gun”.

Fifthly, they both stand up firmly for what they believe, sometimes to their own detriment. Both of them prove to be strong leaders in their own way. Ruby is the leader of her teammates. Blake showcases her skill in the Menagerie arc, learning to unite fellow Faunus together. Yang and Weiss just aren’t the same. Yang shows no interest in leadership at all. For Weiss the desire to lead a team is short-lived. She learns to be happy falling in line behind Ruby as the “best partner” that Ruby will ever have.

All-in-all as future huntresses, Blake and Ruby are very compatible. They have aligned skills and noble ambitions. They have a true desire to triumph over adversity. They would likely be happy traveling together helping others after graduation. This is the strongest argument to make in favor of the “ladybug” pairing. Being a huntress isn’t just a job, it’s a lifestyle. Blake and Ruby wish to live as huntresses in similar ways. This could pave the way for a long term relationship.

There is an argument to be made about Ruby and Blake sharing a few interests and traits. In my personal opinion there isn’t much in this category, but I’ll go over some of them anyway.

Both of them have a fondness for reading. Ruby has her love of fairy tales. Blake has an appreciation for trashy romance novels. In the series, Ruby attempts to befriend Blake when she sees the Faunus reading in the corner.

On top of that, they’re both introverts at the beginning of the series. Blake is reclusive by nature. Ruby tends to be awkward and slightly timid. Both of these characters share a deep empathy towards others, although Blake chooses not to make that obvious.

Lastly, Ruby comments about Blake’s “cute kitty” ears, showing at least a little interest in Blake.

As you can see, this is the weaker argument to make in favor of the pairing. Sadly, Ruby and Blake don’t get much screen time alone together. They don’t have time to bond. The few scenes they do share are mainly in the early volumes of the series.

Sadly, most of those scenes aren’t even positive dialogue exchanges. The subtext is that Blake and Ruby interact by default as team members. We don’t actually see a deep bond form between them. Fans have often criticized the show for a lack of content regarding Blake and Ruby as friends.

Reasons to Sail a Different Ship

In all honesty, I will sail the “ladybug” ship until it sinks. That said, it has a lot of downsides. Writing fan fiction for “ladybug” can be very difficult. It’s not that the pairing is impossible. Rather, it’s that you have to go looking for commonalities in somewhat strange places.

Blake is obviously more mature than Ruby when it comes to relationships. At the start of the series Blake is reading adult media. The implication is that she’s engaged in at least some of those acts before entering Beacon. This can be a major issue for fan fiction that takes place during the Beacon/Vale arc of the RWBY series. The two year age difference between these girls might as well be night and day.

On her team, Blake has more chemistry with Yang and Weiss. You could even make an argument that she has a stronger chemistry with Sun and Ilia than she could ever hope to have with Ruby.

To contrast that, Ruby has her own strong chemistry line-up. Weiss and Jaune stick out fairly well as strong contenders, but even Penny, Pyrrha, and Oscar make the fan fiction rounds a fair bit. If you want to get really weird and do the sibling romance thing, Yang’s a strong contender too.

Frankly, because there’s hardly any cannon material other pairings just make more sense. Blake gets more valuable screen time with Sun, Weiss, Ilia, and Yang than she does with Ruby. Those scenes are central plot elements for Blake and they can’t be easily ignored.

Now we come to the final nail in the “ladybug” coffin. For all of the arguments made above, most people can make a very valid counter rebuttal. I’m about to do that here.

Firstly, Blake is practically a ninja and she benefits more from fighting alongside Yang or Weiss. Both of them have semblances that compliment Blake’s fighting style in a way that Ruby’s just can’t. The same can be said for Ruby. Her semblance is speed, and she benefits more from fighting alongside supporting fighters like Weiss. As it is, both women are better off sticking with their cannon combat partners after graduation.

Secondly, Ruby is the youngest and that is a huge problem. She might be a prodigy, but she’s incredibly naive in all of the ways that Blake isn’t. Also, because Blake’s a Faunus she has the potential to have other interesting character pairings. Weiss can be narrow-minded because of her family and her upbringing. That’s a driving force in most Weiss/Blake fan shipping, also known as “monochrome”.

Thirdly, they both know exactly what they want out of being a huntress, and that’s a problem. Given Blake’s character and her motivations, it’s possible that one day she would cease to be a huntress. Chances are good that Blake will end up leading a re-established group like the White Fang. This would turn into a conflict of interest. All that Ruby ever wants to be is a huntress, that is her entire ambition. It’s arguable that both women would be better served by finding other relationships.

Fourthly, they have weaponry that is complex and dangerous to use. This is all the more reason not to be fighting side by side. Neither of their weapons are entirely predictable. Ruby’s odd fascination with weaponry doesn’t end with scythes, and wouldn’t end with Gambol Shroud anyway. She would be just as enamored with any weapon type that she hasn’t seen before.

Fifthly, Weiss has already made the promise to be the best partner that Ruby will ever have. She fully acknowledges and accepts Ruby as a leader. Weiss is a pragmatist at heart. She sees the value in following Ruby’s orders. Yang shows no interest in leadership at all, and she willingly follows Blake’s lead at the drop of a hat. Yang has always been as supportive of Blake as possible. To be honest, cannon just slaughters the argument in favor of the “ladybug” pairing when it comes to this point.

Looking at everything from this angle, we can come up with a few different conclusions.

While its true that Blake and Ruby are very compatible as huntresses, they require other teammates to be truly remarkable in combat. They have aligned skills and noble ambitions, but that will lead them in vastly different directions in life. Chances are good they’d be even happier with their other teammates after graduation. Being a huntress isn’t just a job, it’s a lifestyle. There’s a good chance that Blake will move on, and if Ruby wishes to live as a huntress she may end up alone.

As I said before, there is a very weak argument to be made about Ruby and Blake sharing a few interests and traits. This is a very pairing specific issue. The rebuttals I would make depend entirely on what “ship” I would be trying to sail instead. Listing everything would be impossible, I’ll just say that the rebuttals here are endless, because they are.

Final Thoughts

You’ve probably noticed by now, that all three of the images I chose here are from the same volume. That’s because Ruby and Blake don’t have the same sort of natural progression that other characters do. Most of their most important scenes together are in Volume 1.

The “ladybug” pairing is unique. Unlike the other shipping combinations of team RWBY, there isn’t a lot to work with. In fact, “ladybug” shippers probably have the hardest time making a relationship between Ruby and Blake seem believable. A good deal of Ruby’s friendship with Blake remains implied. It’s never shown in detail. They don’t have any interactions that turn into long-running core plot points. All of the other teammates do, but Ruby and Blake don’t.

Trying to romanticize what little we do see requires creativity. You can’t sail this ship well if you’re following strictly cannon principles. You need to step out of the box and be willing to suspend some of your disbelief to enjoy it.

That being said, “ladybug” is one of my top ten pairings in RWBY. No matter what your view is, I will avidly sail this ship until it sinks.

What are your thoughts on Blake/Ruby as a ship? Love it? Hate it? Tell me why down in the comments below.

Insufferably yours, The Insufferable Firecracker.

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[justfinishedreading]

Last month I watched the film A United Kingdom (2016) and realized how little I knew about the history of Botswana. In fact, I realized how little I knew about the history of almost all countries. We’re always so immersed in our own culture that we’re oblivious to the intricate and epic history of others. After the film I thought about a book from my adolescence, a bestseller at the time but one which I’d never got around to reading: The No.1 Ladies’ Detective Agency by Alexander McCall Smith. I ordered a copy that night.

Now Alexander McCall Smith is a white dude, so I’m already failing my newly created goal of trying to read more fiction by authors of colour, however on the plus he does have experience and knowledge of a part of Africa: he was born in Zimbabwe, raised there until the age of 17, and co-founded and taught at the University of Botswana. It is very clear when reading The No.1 Ladies’ Detective Agency that McCall Smith has a love for Botswana, for its people, their mindset and way of living.

The other reason why I wanted to read this book was because I’m a fan of the detective mystery genre, I will forever love Agatha Christie and I’ve recently discovered the solid brilliance of P.D. James, and the cool cleverness of Scandinavian writers. But Africa isn’t very commonly associated with detective fiction which made The No.1 Ladies’ Detective Agency all the more intriguing when it was first published. It isn’t an Agatha Christie novel; there isn’t a big mystery that is solved at the end of the book, instead it follows maybe a dozen small cases, each usually resolved within a few chapters. But like Miss Marple, Philip Marlowe, Inspector Adam Dalgliesh, there is a strong yet vulnerable detective: Mma Ramotswe.

Mma Ramotswe is a black Botswanan woman in her early 30s, she is intelligent and capable. When her father dies and leaves her an inheritance she decides to invest in setting up her own detective agency, with her as its only detective. She is physically described as a large woman; her weight is commented on occasionally throughout the book but always in a positive light. This comes partly from the fact that many African countries are more socially/culturally accepting of the larger female figure. Historically in our own western world there was a time when society viewed thinness in a negative light, that’s not to say they were pro-obesity but a skinny woman was viewed as someone who lived in poverty and starvation, a woman with a fuller figure was seen as someone of wealth and leisure. Certainly, that is not the case now, but it’s interesting to see how society’s concept of beauty changes with the passing of time, and we as individuals should try to reject the idea of one universal standard of beauty, be it thin, fat or the many, many forms inbetween.

Speaking as a larger woman myself, it is such a relief to read a book in which the protagonist is large, clever and proactive, her weight is not something to be used against her. In the western world obesity is the latest “bad habit” to crusade against, once we covered smoking, (and heaven-forbid we tackle alcoholism!) we moved onto obesity. Health problems related to obesity are a real issue and there should be support and ways of prevention set up for those who want it. However there is a culture of body shaming which is not helpful or effective in a positive way. Body shaming only does two things: it makes the shamed feel more unhappy and it’s likely to worsen the problem, and it allows the shamer to feel confident and smug.

There’s controversy over whether plus-size models should be featured in magazines and shown as role models. One side believes this is promoting obesity, it is sending out the message to children, teenagers and adults that it’s okay to be fat, specifically unhealthily fat. That is a dangerous message. I understand what these people are trying to say, but in response I’d say that people who are obese, and others who are fat, and others who are just a little overweight, EXIST in the world, and therefore have a right to be represented in culture and media. The same goes for people with disabilities, and shockingly we’re still not including enough people of colour as well.

Time has already shown that a culture that only represents one idea of the “perfect” body type does NOT help the mental or physical health of that society as a whole. For decades the images of beautiful white woman have bombarded our world and instead of obesity going down, it has gone up. Now there’s various reasons for the rise of obesity; lifestyle, change in leisure activities, work, transport, food etc so I’m not suggesting it’s all down to the “evil” media, but my point is that hiding overweight women from us hasn’t helped prevent obesity and therefore there is no reason to exclude those body types -or any body types- from public view.

Which leads me to my final point on the subject: one way of thinking is that if there’s something about yourself you hate, then you should change it. I think that loving yourself is much more important, and beneficial, in the long run, than focusing on hatred and change. That seems like a very general statement but what it comes down to is that we take care and look after that which we love. If society wants to promote health then we have to promote self-love first. Nobody has ever willingly invested time and effort in looking after something they hate.

But back to The No.1 Ladies’ Detective Agency. Regarding the mysteries Mma Ramotswe has to investigate they aren’t murder mysteries, they are the mysteries of everyday life, e.g. a woman thinks her husband is cheating on her, a father thinks his daughter is dating a boy without his consent, a head doctor at a hospital believes one of his doctors may be a drug addict, another woman thinks her husband has stolen a car. What struck me the most about The No.1 Ladies’ Detective Agency wasn’t the things that Mma Ramotswe had to investigate but the way she investigated them, she’s resourceful and bold, she takes matters into her own hands. It shocked me how little involvement the police had, in a few occasions I thought this would be the time to contact the police! And then I realized how we in the western world are so dependent on our police force for everything, while in some countries like Botswana people might be more inclined to take care of things themselves.

This independence is one of Mma Ramotswe’s most inspiring features, she’s in her 30s but has no intention of marrying (WARNING SPOILERS AHEAD), she married early on and that ended very badly. Part of me wishes she didn’t have to have such a sad backstory; we don’t need to give a character a tragic past in order to be emotionally invest in them. But now I realise that it’s important to show how people overcome past hardships and live past that. Similarly, I disliked how a new potential love-interest was introduced, why can’t Mma Ramotswe stay single? Why MUST she marry? Society is so obsessed with romantic relationships. But then it hit me; that instead of having a strong, clever, independent woman stay single – she is so head-strong of course she will remain unmarried! Thinks the public - it is much more important to see that it’s possible for a man to stand by her side and accept her strength, intelligence and independence, to see him not feel emasculated by it.

(Side note: Unfortunately Homosexuality is still illegal in Botswana so this novel focuses very much on heterosexual relationships). TEXT CORRECTION - I’m happy to amend this, on 11th June 2019 same-sex sexual acts were finally decriminalized in Botswana! 

Overall this novel is very good from a feminist point of view, my only criticism, and this may come as a surprise, is that it is very consistently hard on men. It felt like the number of dislikeable men greatly outnumbered those that were respectable. Feminism isn’t about man-hating, it’s about equality, so if I were to read more books from this series I’d like a touch less man-hating and a sprinkle more of women-causing-trouble.

Review by Book Hamster

[myfandomrambles]

Unhealthy Relationships and the Media:

Examples of unhealthy relationship dynamics in (still is or was) popular media. These fall into unhealthy but not inherently abusive actions, while some are always abusive. 

Common Unhealthy Behaviours:

Cheating: The act itself is always seen as wrong but it becomes a forgivable act if the offending party is sorry enough, and they are meant to be.

Controlling and Possessive behaviour: Guys, and sometimes girls are presented as wanting to be in every aspect of the other person's lives. This leaves no room for them to do their own things. They stand in the way of any relationships with possible sexual rivals even their partner in no way is cheating. 

Dangerous Relationships:

When one of the partners is physically dangerous to the other. In Fantasy/Scifi one may be a vampire, werewolf, mutant etc. where the relationship is dangerous because of the physicality of one of the characters, now, of course, you can make a non-human/human romance where it is safe because neither of them is inherently dangerous.

The other version is a human who is violent or involved in a dangerous organization like the mob. Again someone changing from this life to a healthy can work, but the person must not be violent towards their partner.

Emotional Manipulation:

Duty and Loyalty: The emotions are constantly triggered to force a person to do things against their moral code, or force them to stay when it's not good for them. this is extra effective if a wider family is involved or some great plan.

Non-Commitment: to the relationship is another one, they state they love the other person but won’t choose to stay usually because they either are damaged or have some greater job the must complete. This isn’t inherently unhealthy if they just tell someone no, it becomes a problem when you come in and out of the relationship and neither person really moves on.

Guilt: This is an easy one, we’ve all been guilt tripped.

Never accepting responsibility: If this is a one-sided problem it usually comes from a character who perpetrate many of the other actions and other terrible things and they won’t accept it. 

Aggression/violence: This is a part of dangerous but still worth pointing out. Romanticizing male violence is the most common version, a man's violent tendencies are treated as hot when this can become a red flag if they use the violence on the love interest or against innocent characters.

Over-reliance on the relationship: This is a trope where the character is defined by their relationship. Their life just isn’t worth living without the other person. Death of the loved one is different, grief acts in odd ways, it is a problem if it is after a breakup. Crying into ben and jerry's is normal. However Presenting healthy versions of moving on is better, people should be presented as more than their romantic partner.

Feeling Owed A Relationship: Often a combination of other tropes. This also often ties in with our social ideas of fate, soulmates, and true love. The person feeling owed believes that because their good people, they're like this person for so long, dudes have to have sex ect. the person they like must give into them and date/have sex with them.

Friend Zone: A commonly mocked term but still used tope. A male who has an unrequited love for a friend, we are supposed to feel bad for this character. Unrequited love can be tragic, but when painted as it being a fault with the person not being in love is not the same. It also framed by how the person who is in love acts. 

Gaslighting: An abuse technique where people are made to feel their perceptions and thoughts are false and hysterical.

Giant Age gaps: This isn’t by definition unhealthy as it has a lot to do with maturity gaps more. A man who is 50 is not in the same place as someone in their 20s calling this relationship into question. And an adult with a teen or child is always unhealthy and abusive. This is often personified in sci-fi and fantasy, An immortal or long living character falls in love with a mortal. This can get confusing if the immortal character acts as the age their actors are/the age he became immortal. However, it can cause power imbalances especially if the younger person is a teenager. An extremely creepy version of this is that is often excused when a character who knew another as a young child now sees them as romantically and sexually desirable.

Kidnapping for love: A kidnapping framed as romance or a kidnap victim falling in love with their captor.

Lack of Communication: A pretty basic kind of break down in relationships we all have experienced. 

Misogyny: Misogyny breaks down relationships and is used as a form of social control. And misogynistically written women makes it so the woman is a less developed character making bad behaviour towards them seen as less bad. 

Nice Guy: Characters are pointed out as good and nice therefore any creepy behaviours they have should be ignored. They are also usually opposed to another man in the situation with a girl. We have to dislike the other guy because our Nice Guy should be in front.

Stalking for Love: When a character follows their love interest and doesn’t take no for an answer.  “Pop Culture Detective” on YouTube has a great video on this.

Sexual Control / Sexual violence:

Sex can be used as control making partners stay. Boundaries are pushed and this is seen as good, instead of respecting them

Then there is typical sexual violence, assault, rape and abuse.

Social isolation/breaking bonds: Isolation allows more control over a person is done physically. Breaking bonds emotionally isolate making the partner the only support the other person has.

Unequal Power Dynamics: One Character has a position of power over the other. Examples are being the boss or leader of a situation. A position where it is hard for one character to say no for fear of retribution or the social, psychological condition warps the way the characters interact.

( Posts With Example Cases: 1, 2)

[holdenslym865-blog]

The cbd öl Awards: The Best, Worst, and Weirdest Things We've Seen

Why Marijuana Fans Should Not See Approval For Epilepsy Medication As A Win For Weed

Many people in the usa suffer from chronic pain. The Medication Enforcement Administration (DEA) classifies marijuana or cannabis as a Schedule 1 product - this means there is certainly "no presently accepted medical use and a high prospect of abuse." Appropriately, before Epidiolex is ready for use among patients, it needs to be appropriately reclassified - something GW Pharmaceuticals expects to see happen next three months. Cannabis is a flowering seed that contain three distinct variations, i.e.: Cannabis Ruderalis, Cannabis Indica, and Cannabis Savita. Rigorous rules around Cannabis cultivation can be found because of this of it having been used as a recreational drug for the high THC level using types. However, Cannabis can be employed for its durable fibrous consistency, its richness in nutrients and its own medical properties.

CBD is commonly used to address anxiety, and for patients who suffer through the misery of insomnia, studies suggest that CBD can help with both falling asleep and staying asleep. CBD may offer an option for treating different types of chronic pain. A report from the European Journal of Pain demonstrated, using an animal model, CBD applied on the skin could help lower pain and irritation credited to arthritis. Another study demonstrated the mechanism by which CBD inhibits inflammatory and neuropathic pain, two of the most difficult types of chronic pain to take care of. More research in humans is needed in this area to substantiate the statements of CBD proponents about pain control. As with other health and fitness products, there is no one-size-fits-all offering amount for CBD. The FDA hasn't established formal nutritional recommendations for CBD intake, so it is up to CBD consumers to decide on the optimal amounts. When consuming a CBD product, start by sticking to the recommended portion sizes found on lower-concentration products, then increase as needed.

The struggle in South Africa continues and this Hub will keep on addressing how to handle the resistance the low intensity warfare that is presently being waged against africans from all fronts, and try to offer some answers to tough issues that arise from being oppressed, poor, ignorant, and the complete bit. In battling this neo-post-Apartheid colossal by means of the ANC, people need to pay attention to the fact that there needs to be a great deal of preparation, self-discipline and effort among and with the struggling and ignored, debased and oppressed armies of the poor African masses. Research implies that animal protein is easily digestible than seed proteins. However, 91-98% of the hemp powder proteins are digestible. The easily digestible proteins in hemp are edestin and albumin. Heat digesting reduces the breakdown of proteins. Therefore, if you are interested in high-quality hemp powder; go for the main one made from cold prepared hemp seeds. Vegans can infuse the powder in their diet for important functions such as repair of body tissues after exercise.

A particular forces friend I'm helping, because I can't call them clients. Got him from stage 4 to free from cancer with an intica stress, on a vaporizer. It helped alot along with his extreme PSTD. Yet lost him in the long run, as he returned on alcoholic beverages, he was becoming a personal problems for me. Saved four other folks though. I believe chemotherapy leading to new cancers and their aspect effects is worse than the initial cancer. Proof is cancer has increased 4 to 5 times in the last 50 years. Conventional drugs can help alleviate tightness and pain, but many people see CBD as a more natural alternative. Many of the people consider marijuana as a herb which may be used for recreational purposes only. However, this can be a dark side of marijuana as this supplement is not less than a boon for mankind. Controversial yet beneficial, marijuana can't be overlooked no matter what as it can be used for medical purposes as well. If used properly, marijuana not only treats various types of illnesses and diseases, but offers a safer environment to the consumers.

Hemp Essential oil has many nutritional benefits for Vegetarians that typically do not consume food that contains Omega-3, and Omega-6 essential fatty acids. Fatty acids are crucial for a sound body. Since Hemp Essential oil is filled with them, it's the perfect health supplement for people that do not eat meat or fish. Once you have access to a marijuana distributor, you should have the option between a variety of options for using legal medical cannabis. Dried out marijuana flower is still the most popular form, but a growing number of states have banned smokable marijuana in their programs. Other choices include tincture sprays, pills, vapes, concentrated extracts, and edibles. For all those looking for exterior applications, balms, salves, and lotions can be rubbed straight into the muscles, joints, and epidermis for focused relief. There are even dermal patches that may be placed on the skin for postponed release through the cbdbro.ch day.

Moreover, various studies have been conducted which have established a romantic relationship between the CBD and treatment - ranging from malignancy treatment to arthritis rheumatoid , the CBD oil assists in treating vomiting and nausea from the chemotherapy. To be able to figure out how to start optimizing your healing program of cannabis has been the traveling factor that is behind one of the greatest experiments in the days of democracy. The consequence of this finding is called medical marijuana and it has been observed from one state to another and one country to some other in the very recent years. Given that you can easily find CBD Vape Oil on the market online, it is rather easy to use any typical e-cigarette, also known as a vaporizer or vape pen, to take your dependence on CBD. The rise used of CBD rich hemp essential oil can be partially related to its popularity among people who vape. It really is convenient, discreet and the majority of all, does not have you inhaling smoke that is which can have carcinogens that could harm the lungs.

In the UK, however, Sajid Javid won't reclassify cannabis before Advisory Council on the Misuse of Drugs provides recommendations about the general public health implications - that may are the abuse potential of cannabis-based CBD. Though it seems very likely that the home secretary will continue steadily to move towards a patient focused resolution. CBD oil has been making waves recently over the skincare industry due to its amazing anti-inflammatory, skin-smoothing, and skin-moisturizing properties. But regrettably, hardly any people are aware of this wonder ingredient's benefits for their epidermis and health. It may have side results such as low blood pressure, lightheadedness, fatigue, dried out mouth, and slowed engine functions. However, these side effects have been found to be gentle according to various studies. Use of CBD essential oil is recommended if you reside in a country or region where in fact the possession, use, and distribution of marijuana is legal.

The biggest difference is in convenience. Our CBD capsules are pre-measured at 25mg each, which means you know you're getting the very same amount, every single time. CBD oils aren't difficult to measure, but if you are seeking to calculate an exact mg serving size, you will have to watch in a reflection and count the number of drops you're using. In the event that you know the number of drops and exactly how much CBD is within a drop of the precise bottle you're using, you can calculate how many mg you're eating. If this appears like too much work for you, like we said tablets are simply easier and more convenient to deal with. Saturated fats are usually regarded as unhealthy. Their usage can increase your cholesterol levels and be bad for your cardiovascular health. Actually, according to the American Heart Association , products like coconut essential oil, which is made up of approximately 50 percent lauric acid , aren't even that healthy.

When CBD first appeared on my radar about 1 . 5 years ago, I was too cautious to check it out. I wasn't clear about its purported benefits and whether it was safe for me to consider. But desperate times demand desperate measures, so on this particular school holiday, I reached for the dropper of Reset CBD oil that had been sitting down on my kitchen counter for two weeks. CBD oil is derived from hemp plants and contains less than 0.3% THC - under the legal limit. It is a compound that activates the endocannabinoid (ECS) system in every mammals, including both canines and people. The ECS functions with the cardiovascular, digestive, and neurological body systems, as well as playing a part in the body's anti-inflammatory response. Since commercial hemp is naturally rich in Cannabidiol many people consider commercial hemp products as an alternative to medical marijuana, because contrary to medical marijuana, products created from commercial hemp is safe and legal. They are created relating to federal requirements and are stated in FDA-registered facilities within the US.

In South Africa, 1000 folks from cities were interviewed. Hemp oil contains a good amount of gamma-linolic acid, which is proved to assist in preserving hormonal balance. GLA is incredibly helpful for women and can assist in easing the signs or symptoms of premenstrual syndrome. Hemp oil was traditionally used for treating pain related to menstruation. For the ANC to remain relevant and sort of important to its polity, its leaders have gone into into a media blitz and are attempting to paint a positive picture of the ANC, from 2014 for an eternal imagined future. Maybe it is true, for I find that the folks of South Africa wasn't to keep carefully the ANC in place; but what I am learning from the people is they are racking your brains on ways to eliminate today's and corrupt cadre using their kingly perches, and replace them with people who will serve them, the army of the indegent masses. This idea has not yet caught up in a massive way amongst the struggling people, but the people are slowly coming to realize that as a chance.

One positive impact for individuals who used to buy container illegally is that they now know precisely what they are getting, including if pesticides were used, the THC & CBD content, where it was grown, the expected effects, etc. Presently we should discuss CBD essential oil. This is natural oil which is made by planning and extracting CBD from the cannabis herb. When this procedure is finished, at that time natural career oil is added in it to dilute it. Normally coconut or hemp seed oil is included for dilution. If you're searching for where you can buy CBD essential oil then you should look for CBD index There will be a complete set of all the locations near you to purchase the best CBD oil. Many people must have a lot of time on the hands to be deeply emotional concentrate on up or down part of Hell or Heaven. Alot of BS of Be All, in a la la Land of ignorance.

As well as the solvents in vape oils being potentially dangerous independently, the byproducts that can be created when the solvents are heated to high temperatures are also dangerous. For instance, heating system propylene glycol can create formaldehyde, a known carcinogen, and acetaldehyde, a possible carcinogen, both which are also within tobacco smoke, Benowitz says. The Kennel Club's key veterinary officer, Jerry Klein, said CBD is over-hyped" but appealing for treatments like treatment. He's hopeful that the growing market will result in more money being invested in research to verify uses. Fish oil has cardiovascular benefits, reducing inflammation and lowering cholesterol levels. But if you're trying to get pregnant, you may have more interest in fish oil's effects on something more imperative to reproductive function - sperm. While several pet and human studies have been conducted on the effects of fish essential oil on sperm, non-e have shown a rise in sperm fertility as an advantage.

Using some fantastic products like our CBD cream , CBD lotion , CBD oil , CBD capsules , takes longer, depending on how much you apply these. CBD hemp oil is the best essential oil to use for bare stomach, Fight with cancer, Fight Anxiety, Reduce Diabetes, Treat Sleep Problems with Cannabis. CBD is obtained from the cannabis vegetable. Commonly, cannabis flower is known as weed or hemp predicated on the degree of THC. It is important to remember that legal hemp vegetation mustn't contain more than 0.3% THC, relating to Farm Bill. CBD, which is also known as cannabidiol, is a substance that is extracted from hemp or cannabis herb. This substance is thought to convenience inflammation and stress and anxiety. It's important to know that CBD doesn't get you high in any way because it has no THC, which is the element accountable for getting people high. People round the world use essential oil with CBD to treat menstrual pains, persistent pains, stress, and insomnia. However, its use is still not legal worldwide and is yet to be approved by the FDA. Generally in most states, the utilization of CBD is completely legal, and people grow hemp plants openly.

Many people have lost their lives to smoking marijuana. One of the main side effects of it is that it cause a unexpected increase in heartrate if you are not careful which can result in a fatal coronary attack. If you reside in a state where marijuana is legal for both medicinal and recreational use, you should have access to CBD oil, too. No studies have yet founded omega-3 fatty acids as a factor or putative treatment for IBS. However, it is known that omega-3 deficiency can have significant results on the anxious and immune system systems thought to be involved in leading to IBS. A 2009 research by Clarke, et al., found an increase in pro-inflammatory products of polyunsaturated fatty acids in females with severe IBS, suggesting that omega-3 supplementation can help.

However, hemp farmers hardly ever modify the seed. CBD oil comes from these legal hemp plant life. Made from EU-certified hemp crops in Cooley Mountains of Ireland and produced without fungicides, pesticides or herbicides, Celtic Blowing wind is a worthwhile first-time choice if you are wanting to try a CBD essential oil. Our aim is to heal people the nature designed way, deliver only pure, organic products, and inspire people to remain healthy. For nutritional and beauty uses, always buy chilly pressed hemp essential oil. Unrefined hemp oil is nutty flavored and green in color. Did you know that cold-pressed hemp essential oil includes 25 times more Omega 3s than olive oil and fifty percent the saturated excess fat? It also experienced an increased content of Omega 3, 6 & 9 than every other culinary essential oil. Never cook with hemp essential oil. Since it has a minimal smoke point, any vitamins and minerals is quickly damaged. Instead, mix it cbd suisse up into a delicious salad dressing or blend with herbs to enjoy as a drop for crusty French bread.

Why Marijuana Supporters SHOULDN'T See Authorization For Epilepsy Medication As A Win For Weed

Many people in America suffer from chronic pain. The Drug Enforcement Administration (DEA) classifies marijuana or cannabis as a Plan 1 compound - this means there is certainly "no presently accepted medical use and a high prospect of abuse." Accordingly, before Epidiolex is ready for use among patients, it needs to be appropriately reclassified - something GW Pharmaceuticals expects to see happen within the next three months. Cannabis is a flowering flower that consist of three distinct variants, i.e.: Cannabis Ruderalis, Cannabis Indica, and Cannabis Savita. Stringent regulations around Cannabis cultivation exist because of this of it having been used as a recreational drug for the high THC level in certain types. However, Cannabis can be utilized for its durable fibrous consistency, its richness in nutrition and its own medical properties.

CBD is commonly used to handle anxiety, as well as for patients who endure the misery of insomnia, studies suggest that CBD can help with both falling asleep and staying asleep. CBD may offer an option for treating different kinds of chronic pain. A study from the Western european Journal of Pain demonstrated, using an pet model, CBD applied on the skin could help lower pain and inflammation credited to arthritis. Another research demonstrated the mechanism by which CBD inhibits inflammatory and neuropathic pain, two of the very most difficult types of chronic pain to take care of. More research in humans is necessary in this area to substantiate the promises of CBD proponents about pain control. As with other wellbeing products, there is no one-size-fits-all offering amount for CBD. The FDA has not established formal dietary recommendations for CBD consumption, so it is up to CBD consumers to decide on the optimal quantities. When eating a CBD product, begin by sticking with the recommended serving sizes entirely on lower-concentration products, then increase as needed.

The struggle in South Africa continues and this Hub will keep on addressing how to handle the resistance the low intensity warfare that is presently being waged against africans from all fronts, and try to offer some answers to tough issues that arise from being oppressed, poor, ignorant, and the whole bit. In fighting this neo-post-Apartheid colossal by means of the ANC, people need to focus on the fact that there needs to be a great deal of preparation, self-discipline and hard work among and with the suffering and ignored, debased and oppressed armies of the poor African public. Research shows that pet protein is easily digestible than place proteins. However, 91-98% of the hemp powder proteins are digestible. The easily digestible proteins in hemp are edestin and albumin. Heat processing reduces the break down of proteins. Therefore, if you are interested in high-quality hemp powder; go for the one made from chilly prepared hemp seeds. Vegans can infuse the powder in their diet for important functions such as repair of body cells after exercise.

A special forces friend I'm helping, because I can't call them clients. Got him from stage 4 to free of cancer with an intica stress, on a vaporizer. It helped alot along with his extreme PSTD. Yet lost him in the long run, as he went back on alcoholic beverages, he was learning to be a personal problems for me personally. Saved four other folks though. I think chemotherapy causing new malignancy and their part results is worse than the original cancer. Resistant is cancer has increased 4 to 5 times in the last 50 years. Standard drugs can help reduce tightness and pain, but many people see CBD as a far more natural alternative. Many of the people consider marijuana as a herb which may be used for recreational purposes only. However, this is actually the dark part of marijuana as this supplement is no less than a benefit for mankind. Controversial yet beneficial, marijuana can't be overlooked at any cost as it can be used for medical purposes as well. If used properly, marijuana not only treats various kinds of ailments and diseases, but also offers a safer environment to the consumers.

Hemp Essential oil has many nutritional benefits for Vegetarians that typically do not eat food which has Omega-3, and Omega-6 fatty acids. Fatty acids are crucial for a healthy body. Since Hemp Oil is packed with them, it is the perfect product for people that do not eat meat or fish. Once you've usage of a marijuana distributor, you should have the option between

[babyconnectingworld]

Postpartum sex: Why you don’t want it—and why that’s OK

Of all the alarming and deeply inexplicable aspects of becoming a new mother, the one I found most unnerving was the way strangers began suddenly asking about my sex life. For 35 blissful years, no one but me (and, to varying degrees, my partners) seemed remotely interested in the state of my libido. And then suddenly, only a few months after I’d gained a third of my body weight and experienced the joy of a small human driving a Mack truck through my pelvic floor, everyone was suddenly going on about it—doctors, midwives, friends, family members and the media (news outlets in general, but women’s magazines and mom bloggers in particular). Looking back, the questions started in late pregnancy: Did I want it more? Did I want it less? Was I dreaming about it? Was my vulva swollen like a grapefruit? Had I watched the YouTube video of that woman having an orgasm water birth? I assumed everyone would lose interest after the aforementioned incident with the Mack truck, but if anything, people brought it up more, not less. Almost four years after giving birth (for what I am delighted to say is most definitely the last time ever), I’m finally beginning to understand why people are so interested in whether or not new moms are getting laid. It’s because—hold the front page—having a baby often massively and irrevocably messes with a woman’s sex drive. Not just our sexual appetite, but also our bodies and every aspect of the way we think of sex. This should be obvious. Having a baby changes a woman’s relationship to almost everything. My own experience of matrescence (the identity shift into motherhood) was as powerfully disorienting as Kafka’s Metamorphosis. And yet, it’s often not spoken of as a transformation so much as a yoke to be cast off. Most of us still talk about “getting our bodies back” or “restoring” our sex lives, as though what’s required to have great sex post-kids is a time machine.

A whole new normal

“There is no going back—not after kids,” says Kelly Swartz, a Toronto-based erotic expert, sex coach and mother of three who offers counselling and workshops for women struggling with sexuality and libido loss in the wake of motherhood. The first thing she does with clients is explode the myth that they need to revert to an idealized, carefree, pre-kids sexual self. That’s impossible, because so much will have changed. “After having a baby, it’s just a different kind of sex and connection,” she says. Many clients come to her looking to re-establish their sex lives, but what they actually need is “a complete reacquaintance” with their body and themselves. It’s all intertwined. Swartz’s words rang true for me. After I had kids, every major relationship in my life (professional, social, romantic, familial) had to be renegotiated, boundaries redrawn. It was such a disorienting time that the question of sex began to seem almost beside the point. If I ever thought of it, which I did more and more rarely, it seemed a trivial pleasure from a previous life stage—something I might do if I had the time and strong inclination, like getting a massage. But it’s not irrelevant. Why? Because for women, the subjects of sex and sexual desire are often much more complicated and potentially transformative than we believe at first. Having a baby makes it possible to ignore this for a while until, quite suddenly, it isn’t. Before I continue, a disclaimer: It’s not entirely fair to generalize about any experience as wildly diverse as birth, sex and motherhood. Not all new parents are hetero-normative, cis-gendered couples in which the mother experiences a dulled libido after birth and the father is present, accounted for and generally well up for it. And yet for the purposes of this article, I’m going to generalize as if this were true, because the experts I spoke to say it’s a common situation. If you are, in fact, a new mom experiencing the thrill of polyamorous anal sex six times a day, I apologize. Enjoy! As for the rest of us, the sex thing after kids is complicated because, as Swartz explains, “for many women, sex drive doesn’t just magically re-establish itself after birth. It often requires care and attention.” This in itself is a key to understanding that something much deeper is going on than a temporary loss of mojo. But what exactly? In her critically acclaimed 2018 memoir And Now We Have Everything, author Meaghan O’Connell writes with bracing candour about the experience of accidentally becoming pregnant in her late 20s and, with the support of her long-term boyfriend, deciding to take the plunge. The chapter on sex blew me away. O’Connell writes movingly about how she lost all interest in it for the first year or so after she had her baby. “I not only didn’t want to have sex,” she writes, “I would have preferred it did not exist.” To me, this summed up the cruel irony of postpartum libido loss. At first you don’t notice it’s happening because your focus is so squarely on your baby. But before you know it, having not much sex has become the new normal. When my kids were small, I remember having lunch with a wise older woman who, when I made a wisecrack about my low post-baby libido, cautioned me to “be careful about that.” I struggled to contain my indignance. Was this woman actually suggesting I needed to “put out” whether I wanted to or not in order to keep my marriage intact? What a pathetic, retrograde assumption. I was livid. It was only much later I realized this woman may have been trying to convey something far more nuanced: Intimacy and sexual desire are necessarily altered by the experience of motherhood and, while that’s entirely expected, it’s also important not to wall off that part of yourself completely. The fact is, desire and intimacy, once lost, can be difficult to re-establish, says Arantxa De Dios, a UK-based counsellor and hypnotherapist who works with new moms. Being aware of negative thought patterns about sex, says De Dios, is key to changing them before they become habit.

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Wanting to want it

Is there anything more depressing to contemplate than wanting to want to have sex? And yet this is precisely how so many new mothers feel. It’s not so much that they miss sex but they miss missing it. And yet, in the fraught, exhausting “fourth trimester,” the idea of not needing something, anything, is somewhat of a relief. In the postpartum months, libido loss is a physiological reality. After birth, new mothers experience a sharp drop in estrogen, the hormone that makes us feel sexually inclined and helps to lube up our nether regions when we do. Women who breastfeed also experience a sharp rise in a hormone called prolactin, which stimulates milk production and further drives down estrogen. Add to this the fact that the brains of many new moms are flooded with oxytocin, the so-called “cuddle hormone,” which promotes infant bonding in a way that makes us more interested in snuggling our newborn than getting down and dirty with our partners. Basically, evolution doesn’t want us to have sex when we have a newborn to care for, so it created a hormonal antidote to horniness. The tricky part comes when those hormones subside and a mom still doesn’t want it, or at least wants to want it but doesn’t.

Beyond hormones

Your sex drive can stay depressed post-baby for all sorts of reasons, most of which are situational rather than hormonal. New moms report feeling “touched out” at the end of a day with their baby, not to mention feeling flat-out exhausted. Add to this the lingering effects of pregnancy and birth-related body changes, plus the attendant body-image issues experienced by many women, as well as stress and anxiety, and it’s no wonder sex becomes an afterthought. More rare, though not uncommon, are post-birth medical issues. I had surgery for prolapse of the bladder after the traumatic birth of my second son. At the time, my gynaecological surgeon told me that many moms are so ashamed they simply live with the condition for life. A girlfriend of mine experienced excruciating and persistent pain during sex after her first birth and eventually underwent a surgical repair of her original episiotomy to fix the problem. Issues like these don’t exactly make women feel sexy. The most commonly ignored factors of all when it comes to post-birth sex are the emotional and psychological factors. Not just postpartum depression—which has decent awareness these days, finally—but birth trauma and maternal anxiety, both of which clearly have a dampening effect on desire.

Moving forward

Therapy is often recommended for new moms wanting to want to have sex, because it can uncover issues that may have pre-dated your baby’s birth, as well as deal with new ones. De Dios, for one, recommends hypnotherapy since it works on the sub-conscious mind—ground zero for human desire. Hypnotherapy is controversial, but there is also evidence it works (if only in a suggestive way). In sessions with moms, De Dios works on shifting subtle patterns. For example, with a new mom dealing with poor body image, she might work on encouraging the mind to reframe self-perception. “Instead of always focusing on your postpartum belly, you learn to focus on something you like about yourself—your gorgeous boobs or your glowing skin,” she says. It sounds simplistic but De Dios swears it can work. When the underlying psychological issues are more benign, Swartz recommends that her clients start taking that much maligned term “self-care” seriously. After a baby, even the most basic pleasures can seem like a huge indulgence, so she instructs her clients to clear the time and make a fixed date with themselves. Go to a café, say, and read a book alone while savouring a hot drink. She asks women to explicitly ask their partners to assist in this project. Many women wisecrack about how “hot” they find it if their husband does the dishes or vacuums the stairs, but according to Swartz, it’s no joke. Resentment can build against a partner who isn’t shouldering their share of household responsibilities, and resentment doesn’t usually lead to sexy time. Many new moms put everyone else’s needs first. “They can no longer access their desire because they’ve gone so long not feeling entitled to it, they’ve almost forgotten how,” she says. A good portion of her clients even feel like it would be wrong to masturbate since they’re not having sex with their husbands.

Evolving identities

For many women, the whole notion of sexual desire changes after having a kid. So much of what turns us on as young women is crudely performative and socially conditioned. Even without being explicitly told, we learn that we are only entitled to feel hot if we’re hot in the eyes of men (or women who have been conditioned to view the world as the eyes of men). After babies, I felt free from this crap, and was able to see how undeveloped and backward my pre-birth sexual identity had been. I came of age in the 2000s—a time when vajazzling, Brazilian waxes and leaked celebrity sex tapes were seen as integral components of a kind of pop-feminism we’d convinced ourselves to embrace. What the hell was all that about? Like many women, after having kids, I discovered I was no longer interested in the performance of sex—the arousal that comes with being an object, rather than an agent, of desire. I was done pretending. No, not in the orgasm department (I’ve always been a bad liar). I mean, in every other aspect of physical intimacy. I was done with acquiescence, done with waxing and plucking and exercising myself into submission just so I could be allowed to “feel sexy.” I was done with the feeling that the only pleasure I truly deserved was the pleasure of pleasing a man and that anything else was shameful and dangerous. If I was going to enjoy sex again, I needed to figure out how to enjoy it selfishly, greedily, on my own terms. The irony of all female desire, of course, is that it often dovetails neatly with the neglected partner’s wants and needs. What husband doesn’t long for his wife to want sex as much as he does? It’s that basic. Instead of neutralizing my sexual self, motherhood eventually led me to access and understand my desire more deeply— but only after a period of reflection. As Swartz says, it’s important for women to see the post-baby period as a time of transition rather than rush to go back. “The true sexual journey,” she puts it, “is about a woman’s intimacy with herself.” ***   Read the full article

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Intentionally ‘Awkward’ Men and Sexual Harassment

I can’t tell if the intentionally awkward predator is a new phenomena or simply something I had no context for before I went to university. The cultural ideas of  ‘awkward nerds’, ‘accidentally creepy guys’, and ‘effeminate man who doesn’t know how to talk to women’ have been media mainstays for ages. These men are treated either as objects of mockery to masculine ideals, children, or as golden-hearted heroes who just can’t get anything right. 

We are taught not to take them seriously - they’re either jokes or considered somehow separate from other men. They are unilaterally presented as non-threatening. Unfortunately, this had made being “intentionally awkward” the most overlooked form of sexual harassment and social manipulation that I’ve ever seen. It usually follows the pattern of: 1) Obvious romantic interest in any girl who is friendly OR shares a common interest (commonly anime, gaming, or other aspects of ‘nerd culture’). Is interested immediately and becomes overly attached to that interest extremely quickly. 2) Displays of interest are childish and persistent (following the girl around without speaking to them, constant staring, inserting themselves into any conversation she is having, basically anything you would expect from a 14 year old with a crush). 3) Obvious disinterest in their advances or common interest does not deter their interest. At this point you/whoever they are pursuing has probably formed something of an acquaintanceship with them that they constantly treat like a relationship much closer than it is. At this point, everything can still be written off as an awkward guy trying his best to get some attention. However, it is an issue when it leads to: 4) Unsolicited sexual advances presented as jokes or delivered with immediate self-rejection (”Give me a blowjob, lol I know you wouldn’t do that!” or “You’re too classy to hook up with me”). Joking back will make things worse and you can’t actually reject them when they’ve already done it for you. 5) Responding to their target’s discomfort by deflecting or outright ignoring it. At this point the target’s discomfort is likely obvious to EVERYONE but the ‘awkward’ guy and the girl’s friends are beginning to step in to keep them separated. Someone who is genuinely awkward does not WANT you to feel uncomfortable and would probably back off out of embarrassment. And now we have the massive red flags and predatory behaviour that is played off as someone ‘misunderstanding social cues’ despite their being an obvious pattern of intentional ignorance. 6) Belligerent refusal to acknowledge efforts to draw them away, topic changes away from sexual commentary, or the target’s interest in other people. Beginning to interrupt conversations the target is having with any potential competitors or friends who are trying to force separation. Becoming angry or attempting to elicit pity in the face of more insistent attempts while still failing to acknowledge that they are not wanted. 7) Increased interest in the target consuming alcohol or drugs. Increased persistence when the target is compromised in any way - especially emotionally. Increased attempts to get the target alone even when they’ve been directly told ‘no’. 8) Stalking and an unhealthy interest in the target’s life if the target remains distant with the ‘awkward man’. Constant ‘dates’ masked as ‘hang-outs’ if things have progressed to friendship.  9) If the target directly addresses the situation and their discomfort with it, the ‘awkward man’ promises to stop and then continues to pursue the target at any sign of ‘weakness’ (being polite, kindness, any gesture of friendship). They are relentless.

During my time in university, I’ve seen 3 ongoing cases of relentless sexual harassment against myself and friends of mine being performed by “awkward” guys who simply “didn’t know any better”. People thought our severe discomfort was funny. One of these men was ultimately removed from his position as a teaching assistant due to this behaviour being exposed, while two of them still interact with mutual friends of mine despite MULTIPLE women coming forward and discussing how extreme things got with these guys (stalking is a big factor).  Stories under the cut.

The first ‘awkward man’ I ever met who became outright threatening was an upperclassman. As a friend to many popular people in my program, he was often at parties and social events frequented by freshmen. Furthermore, he became a Teaching Assistant within the program. Basically, he was in the perfect position to constantly associate with first year girls who didn’t know anything about him.  His particular blend of ‘awkward guy’ was ‘King Nerd’. The Alpha Gamer who talks big shit all the time about how amazing they are at whatever game and is excessively blunt. Basically the kind of guy who would be passed off as Alpha trash if it weren’t for him being gangly-limbed, skinny, non-confrontational, educated, and most importantly: ‘inexperienced with women’. He also wore sweater vests. This guy would CONSTANTLY pick up first years who were into gaming by fixating on that interest as an excuse to talk to them. He would then shower them with obvious ENDLESSLY PERSISTENT interest (even in situations when it was inappropriate...like while he was TAing) while his friends would comment on how he was such an awkward guy. Then he moved on to making just...the most blatant PUBLIC sexual advances. If anyone took offence, it was a joke. Or it was ‘just the way he is’ since he’s such a blunt desperate guy. He would make these advances constantly and they would often be genuinely offensive (he once spent a full thirty minutes of a party walking around behind me with a friend of his to, in his own words, see if I was wearing anything underneath my shorts. That house had a lot of stairs). He would also make much more physical and pointed advances in parties...after his target (who he had been FOLLOWING all night) was drunk. He would never be drunk.  Though he was ‘inexperienced’, he slept with multiple first years by either leveraging his position as an ‘older’ guy and their TA while trying to seem non-threatening through his ‘awkwardness’.  Eventually he started (secretly) dating one of his students...who he then cheated on. With another first year. After writing off all of his flirting with other girls as him being ‘socially awkward’ (”Oh I think she’s attractive, but I’m not trying to get with her, I promise! Oh this sucks, I didn’t think people would see it that way! D:”). When she tried to leave him he reverted to being desperate and needy - he told her that there was no way he could get together with anyone else because of how incapable he is and then threatened to kill himself if she left. Myself and several others took notice at this. We took notice of him showing up again and again and again in stories from drunk girls who had been crying or compromised when he had swept in, comforted them, and then bluntly advancing on them, joking about his advances being unsuccessful and awkward, and then advancing again until they gave in.  We tried to kick him out of any and all events in which we knew younger girls from the program would be attending. And guess what? All of his friends passed off his predatory creepy behaviour as him being desperate, horny, and fucking awkward. No one considered him a threat. No one considered that MULTIPLE people stopped coming around to these events BECAUSE of his presence and the fact that they felt threatened by his presence. Girls wouldn’t drink around him because they felt they couldn’t do so safely.  So we reported his suicide threat against a student and his (previously unreported) relationship with a student who he had been grading at the time. As well as his highly inappropriate sexual innuendo and harassment of other students. Once he was declined for the TA position in the next semester, suddenly his friends were willing to cut him out of their lives, but none of them ever took a firm stance against him.  Over 10 girls spoke out against him. 2 girls said he groped them. 3 said they had sex with him while drunk and felt unsafe drinking around him again. The rest all had multiple stories of him “””””flirting”””” (i.e. making inappropriate comments despite constant rejection) with them to the point that they had to leave rooms or would avoid entering any game or conversation he was involved in.

The second awkward guy I met in university will always be the object of absolute seething hatred for me. I hated the first guy with a passion (one time he tried to make me wrestle someone naked on a drunken bet, on another occasion he asked me to lick whipped cream off of his nipples, on another he asked me to make out with his sister...god I fucking hate that guy), but it was NOTHING compared to this guy. This guy stalked my friend for the better part of 2 years, dragged her name through the mud, and made multiple moves towards attempted rape.  His name was Justin. He was a friends with some people in our social circle because this is always how this seems to start. Somebody who comes as a package deal with alright people who is incredibly hard to get rid of (for anyone wondering why we didn’t just avoid him, there’s your answer: we couldn’t). Anyway, he was classic awkward dude: into anime and gaming, skinny, skittish around other men, the butt of every joke, and desperate as hell. Couldn’t flirt to save his life, fell head over heels for my friend the second she drunkenly flirted with him, and was absolutely incapable of taking no for an answer.  People thought it was funny when he followed her around at parties. Hell, I thought it was funny at first. He would always be hovering just behind her as if proximity would somehow get him an in. It was pathetic and overbearingly obvious to everyone in the room - just lame enough that nobody saw it as the warning sign that it was. It stopped being funny to me right around the point I noticed that he always started touching her after she was drunk. This ‘awkward guy’ would wait silently, hovering and generally making her uncomfortable as all Hell with his CONSTANT presence, until she was just tipsy enough to flirt with anyone and everyone. She flirted with other people in front of him, made obvious moves on other people, and clearly wasn’t interested in just him...but that didn’t matter to him. Nothing mattered as long as he could GET something from her. He’d push and push and push until she’d reject him and then he’d just wait for her to have another few drinks and he’d try again.  She eventually started asking me and a few other friends to keep him away from her. It worked for awhile, but soon we realized that if we got even slightly distracted, there he fucking was. He would literally ignore anyone trying to talk to him or engage him just for the chance to get all up in her space the second there was space for him to take up. It was unnerving, especially for her, but everyone else thought it was hilarious. His friends began to take bets on how quickly he’d be rejected. Everyone knew my friend wasn’t interested in him. There was no way HE didn’t know. So finally she rejected him stone-cold sober. Told him she was dating someone and that she wasn’t interested in him at all. That she didn’t want him to approach her anymore.  He agreed not to.  And then he just. did. not. stop.  I am cutting out SO SO SO many details because I don’t want to write a novel of all the red flags this guy raised, but eventually things came to a head when, at a party she was hosting, he tried to touch her and make advances on her all night and, without fail, she turned him down savagely. Better yet, she was surrounded by other guys who knew someone had been bothering her constantly. Justin lost it - he started talking to anyone who would listen about how she was a slut and was probably getting gangbanged by those guys etc etc etc. AND THEN WHEN SHE WAS DRUNK AND UPSET THAT PEOPLE LET THAT HAPPEN AT HER OWN PARTY, HE TRIED TO TAKE HER UPSTAIRS TO HER ROOM TO “TALK IT OUT PRIVATELY” WITH HIM. THIS WAS AFTER I HAD DIRECTLY TOLD HIM THAT SHE HAD ASKED ME TO KEEP HIM AWAY, THAT I HAD HEARD WHAT HE SAID ABOUT HER, AND THAT I THOUGHT HE WAS DISGUSTING. HE TRIED TO DO THIS /IN FRONT OF ME/ BECAUSE HE WAS SO USED TO PEOPLE IGNORING THE CRAZY SHIT HE WAS DOING. The sheer gall of it was astounding - the sheer THREAT of it was astounding. This wasn’t the first time his sober ass had tried to take her somewhere more private and he had flat out told his friends he intended to have sex with her - an unwilling drunk woman. This is rape. THIS IS RAPE. He was extremely aggressive when confronted about it BUT STILL WOULDN’T GIVE UP despite being publicly humiliated because people STILL DID NOT TAKE HIS BEHAVIOUR SERIOUSLY and continued inviting him to be places they knew she would be. People INVITED him to HER party after she’d asked them not to because he was “harmless and awkward” and just had a “hopeless crush” on her.  They thought she was leading him on. Can you fucking believe that? If you want an ‘awkward man’ to leave you alone, the onus is entirely on you to be a constant brick wall of hatred to his every move towards you. You can never let even a sliver of kindness get through or it’ll be your fault he stalks you. She cried MULTIPLE times about how this guy wouldn’t leave her alone and how she NEVER knew when he was going to show up. She stopped drinking at parties because she couldn’t be sure it was safe. A year after the incident with him slut-shaming her publicly and then trying to rape her - something her friends knew about - he was invited to be at YET ANOTHER party she was going to attend. And she wasn’t warned ahead of time.  I can’t believe that people will still hang out with ‘awkward guys’ even after they do something as blatantly threatening as this. They’re willing to write it off as aggression over constant rejection or their social inabilities taking the wheel.  Worst. This whole story is the absolute worst. I know I’m losing my formatting here a little bit and the emphasis on what makes these guys awkward, but trust that they stuck to that list of behaviours and please understand that these stories are personal and difficult to discuss without giving away crucial identifying details. 

The final (for now) ‘awkward guy’ I met in university was my own stalker. Dealing with him forced me to understand how things had gotten so far between my friend and hers. This guy was involved with mutual friends and, disturbingly, he was a friend of Justin’s. He seemed like an ok guy though, if the typical dorkass weeaboo who couldn’t get a girl to date him if he paid. He has a bodypillow waifu, ok?  Now, this dude owns his awkward. He makes jokes about it. He knows that he’s awkward - I’ve seen him retreat HARD from talking to other men who he has made feel uncomfortable. I KNEW that he could tell when he was freaking someone out - I KNEW that he was aware when he should stop.  I still fell for it though, completely due to peer pressure.  He started hanging around me ages ago. We had mutual friends so we’d run into each other at parties. He knew I watched some anime, played some games, etc. We didn’t like the same genres at all and our conversations were stilted, so it was obvious we weren’t ever going to be friends and that wasn’t his aim, but his crush didn’t seem like a big deal. He hung around, though he’d leave when someone else who clearly knew me better was in the way.  Until he got the chance to ///know/// something more personal about me. Here’s the thing about a lot of these guys: they mistake being present for a personal moment for the deepening of a relationship. They assume that because they know things about you, they have some kind of bond with you. They’re wrong.  He was there when I ripped his friend Justin a new one. He was also there when I expressed my disgust for everyone in the room, himself included, and when I got fed up enough to just leave. He then watched my relationship with a lot of the people in the Justin incident dissolve. He thought that this meant that he knew about my ugly sides and my isolation, and that this somehow gave his crush some kind of value - that he cared more about me than anyone else, knew more about me than anyone else, and was somehow more deserving of me than anyone else. As if nobody else was aware of the fact that I could be downright vicious while still managing to be relatively soft-hearted towards strangers and people who made attempts to redeem themselves (which he took advantage of).  He began to follow me around whenever he saw me - he’d always sit next to me (even if someone else was there first - he’d just claim he didn’t know they’d been sitting there and he’d flutter around awkwardly), he’d show up anytime I hung out with anyone he knew (even if he wasn’t invited), he would always be touching me because he was hovering so close at parties...it was annoying enough that I began to avoid him. He refused to take the hint though. He also refused to back off like he used to when other people tried to talk to me. He began to simply steamroll those people. God, he never stopped staring at me. People joked about his fixation CONSTANTLY. Then he suddenly joined the same fencing class as me. He tried to get into the same weapon as me, too. He joined the team despite not being invited. He started asking me specifically when I was coming to practice and got angry when I wasn’t there - he always messaged me before practice to see if I was coming and would act like I had tricked him somehow if I wasn’t there when he expected me to be. He would always run with me during warm-ups even when I ignored him or tried to speak to anyone else. He constantly tried to help me suit up even when the coaches would snap at him to stop hovering over me.  It got to be overwhelming. Fencing was an anti-anxiety thing for me and here this guy was, constantly hovering. He’d follow me onto the bus (he lived in the opposite direction). He offered to walk me home (I lived an hour away). He wouldn’t acknowledge me telling him directly that I didn’t consider us friends and that I didn’t want to talk to him - he acted like it was a joke. When someone else started driving me home, he just...walked with us and then got into that person’s car. He didn’t even ask for permission. He just waltzed on in and expected to be driven home.  Keep in mind that he’s shown previously that he KNOWS people don’t like this behaviour. He was making enemies out of the other fencers by being rude to them like this. But he kept getting passed on it because he was “just awkward”, though the team was MUCH less forgiving than people who had heard in advance about his awkwardness.  Finally, I kinda snapped. He had figured out where one of my classes was before fencing and he had begun hanging around outside of it. I couldn’t stand having my space so consistently invaded, so I spoke to the coaches and some of my friends. Those friends, of course, told him so that he’d have a chance to “apologize” for his “awkward behaviour”.  He used it as a chance to ask me out.  After hearing about how creepy I thought he was and how unnerved I had become by his constant presence.  I turned him down more harshly than I’d ever rejected anyone in my entire life. I told him we’d never be friends - he was friends with someone I considered no better than a rapist - and that of course I’d never date him. I tore apart his principles, refused to let him “awkward” his way out of the conversation, and then demanded that he left me alone. However, since he was still on the team with me, he still hung around on the fringes of the groups I spoke to.  He left me alone for a very brief period. Soon he started getting smashed as hell at parties so he’d be “unable to stop himself” from talking to me. Then he tried to edge his way back into talking to me online. He took every rude thing I had to say with grace, but I wasn’t having any of it.  Then I started dating someone else. And suddenly he “”drunkenly”” wound up finding out about my relationship at a fencing party because somehow he’d approached my SO (who he never spoke to otherwise) and had wound up “congratulating” them on being the one who “won” me. He told my SO that he was glad someone so nice was with me now and that he was over me.  Then he drunkenly messaged me about how he was attracted to my SO which is why he was torn up about my relationship. And he called me a bitch in an incredibly awkward and round about way. He asked me for details of my sex life. He asked my SO for details of our sex life. He did it “awkwardly”, so my SO took no offence and talked about how they pitied him but believed that he was over me.  I told my SO that he wasn’t. My SO laughed in my face and acted like I was thinking to highly of myself.  Of course, post breaking up with them months later, this guy is back ALL OVER ME constantly. Just trying to be “friendly” while awkwardly asking for personal information and commenting on my appearance and my sex life. Using his status as a “loser” who is into hentai as a way to constantly probe me about what I’m into and tell me what HE is into. He let himself be beneath me socially in every way that counted... And then I trusted him again, somewhat? I thought he couldn’t possibly be a risk. He was nothing to me - just someone who wouldn’t go away but I didn’t need to acknowledge. The discomfort of his stalking phase seemed so distant.  And then he waited for a party with mutual friends in which he gave me weed brownies without my knowledge. He got smashed as hell and started touching me, constantly talking to me, refusing to let anyone get near me (no one wanted to be near him), and just being gross. All his housemates started joking about it, even as I steadily grew more uncomfortable with the fact that I was clearly compromised and that I wanted to escape him while I could think clearly. As people played sexual never have I ever and started up strip games, he constantly harassed me to join in with “””jokes””” and then eventually told me it was “so hard to get over” me and that he “couldn’t move on”.  He then invited me up to his room.  When I said no, his response was “but I thought you were high”.  Fortunately, he had so much to drink and was so angry about rejection that he made himself incredibly sick and had to leave. But then he tried messaging me as if everything was a joke and then when that didn’t work he pretended he didn’t remember anything when he had already admitted he did.  I have him blocked on everything now, but he’s still not done with me and STILL tries to “awkwardly” make his way back into my life.  Don’t fuck with “awkward” predatory behaviour. If it seems predatory, it probably is. Don’t let yourself believe it’s not or it will become a joke amongst everyone’s friends and people will literally watch you get groped in front of them and they’ll think it’s funny. There is so much more to say about this story but man this is already too long.  Awkward nice dudes are often the worst creeps. Watch out for yourself and your friends.