#like was full on autistic hyperfixated on these books and would read one book in 2 days

[violetwolfraven]

God I hate Pinterest and I really need to stop reading the comments on literally any post on there

I just saw someone straight up say they’re afraid that show fans who haven’t read the books are going to take over and dominate the fandom and they’re afraid that their memories of the books are going to get overridden by memories of the show because of new show fans, and that’s a good reason to gatekeep.

Like okay, just say you’re a party pooper and go home.

Yeah this is about Percy Jackson but I’m not gonna tag it as that cause I don’t wanna get hunted for sport

[drowning-poet]

Autistic Reggie is a very common hc, but dare i say adhd Regulus (innatentive type in specific!!)?

Regulus whose signs were not noticed because his brother's were louder.

Regulus who, since he was born, could not sleep, and when he'd ask professionals they'd brush him off.

Regulus who, in front of everyone is very put together and quiet, but when alone/when feeling safe won't shut up about his hyperfixation.

Regulus who, somehow, still manage to get high marks so no one bothered with the diagnosis.

Regulus who could not control his tone of voice, making him either speak in such a low tone no one would hear or too loud, or too slow, or too fast, or too cold, or too excited (he'd get in trouble with Walburga for it)

Regulus who had to write everything any teacher ever said so he wouldnt get distracted (he still got distracted, there were little notes with "check the book for this")

Trans Regulus whose symptoms were brushed off and hidden because he is afab.

Jegulus where James is autistic and loud in front of everyone and Regulus with ADHD is calm and collected, but they both switch when alone.

Regulus with emotional dysregulation (on top of trauma).

Regulus who keeps losing all his belonging and the only time anyone ever sees him crying is because he is frustrated and, yet again, lost a comfort item.

Regulus with poor spacial awareness.

Regulus who always felt misunderstood and would read just so he would feel accepted.

Regulus with time blindness (and executive dysfunction), making him mop in bed while reading a book for 3 hours, to gain energy to clean his room (which only took 15 minutes).

Regulus who only works if everything is tidy but who has the hardest of times to keep it like that.

Regulus who needs a routine but can never have one.

Regulus who only got diagnosed when he got out.

Regulus who stims by bitting his lips, so his lips are always full of wounds.

Regulus who heavily masks so no one would guess he has adhd.

[bootstrapparadoxed]

Writeblr Introduction

[image description: a somewhat foggy/blurry photo of a green valley with a thin strip of a village in the middle and a cloudy, lightly blue sky above]

Author name: Mattie Bukowski, he/him

Country of residence: Poland

Preferred genres: horror, sci-fi, fantasy (in that order) – all preferably mixed with literary, plus literary on its own

Preferred mediums: novel, short story, video essay

Occupation: PhD student (evolutionary biology)

Age: mid-twenties

Hi, my name is Mattie, I write unhinged fiction inspired by my various existential crises and make video essays about whatever I am hyperfixated on in that moment. I’m queer, autistic, and disabled. English is not my native language but at this point I use it more than my native. My debut novel will hopefully come out late this year from a small press.

I want this side-blog to be mostly about writeblr, so my updates on my stories (both WIP and published), interaction with other people, tag games, etc etc - but I will also talk occasionally about video essays (both mine and other people’s), books I’m reading (will mostly be reblogs from my personal blog or links to a website – coming soon) and other random things I think are important.

If you feel like I would be interested in your stories, please feel free to reply to this post or tag me!

Links:

Main WIP

My existing works

Hyper-specific genres and tropes I love

Personal blog

YouTube channel

Full WIP list under the cut:

FrankensteinWIP – novel, working title “Offspring of Unhappy Days”: a literary horror with dark academia vibes and a dark m/m romance; tag line: “When two scientists discover a horrifying truth about consciousness and death, their obsessive devotion to each other pushes them to do the unthinkable.” Comps: “Babel”, “Leech”, “These Violent Delights”, “Call Me By Your Name”

30% drafted, fully outlined, want to finish the full draft and edit this year

Disability and Horror – video essay; explores the relationship between disability portrayal in horror, the ableism of the horror genre, and the way horror media/fiction can reflect or portray experiences of disabled people, albeit accidentally

Fully drafted, partially edited script, planning to release it this year

Hitchhiker's Guide is an Existentialist Masterpiece – video essay; starts off talking about how the works of Douglas Adams can be deeply philosophical and existential and goes into a lot of things, including chance, luck, and free will.

Partially outlined, planning to have it released this year, hopefully around August/September.

Ideas for novels or novellas that are spinning around in my head 24/7:

“eulogy”, a literary dystopia about a woman trying to document the full scope of humanity before the last human dies of old age; started drafting ages ago and dropped

a space horror novella about a space colony living on a planet that wants them dead, and an outcast accidentally stuck on it, with inspiration from one of my most obscure fears – ball lightning

a “soft-boiled, sybir-punk” novel – set in a future dystopian Russia and follows a bizarre conspiracy; comps: “The Author of My Immortal Emailed Me…” video by Sarah Z and Dirk Gently novels

rewrite of my first novel, “before the stardust” – an anti-capitalist space opera about five young people trying to find their place in the universe; started re-drafting a year ago and dropped

[river-taxbird]

I am becoming dangerously obsessed with The Moomins.

In which I explore my deeply ingrained weakness for furry media, and why a weird kids series that comes from a queer, poly, anti fascist place speaks to me deeply.

The moomins were always something I was aware of. I saw a couple of episodes of the 90s show when I was a kid, and we had one of the books in the house when I was a kid, but I never read it. Not sure why, but discussing it with my mum she said she never liked the moomins much.

A while ago my roomate introduced me to Comet in Moominland, the 90s movie that is a prequel to the TV series, and based on the first full length moomin book. It was a beautiful and harrowing movie about the moomins dealing with the knowledge that a comet is going to hit the earth, and having to deal with an apocalypse of biblical proportions.

After that, my partner and I decided to watch the 90s anime that follows on from the movie. It's cute and charming, it's wholesome and positive. It is depicting the childhood you maybe wish you had, with good friends and positive role models. I also picked up some of the books, those are my own copies in the picture.

Now throughout my life, I have always been a sucker for furry media. Being a furry is essentially my favorite thing and defines a lot of my identity. Most of my favourite media is furry media, be it core fandom, or wider furry adjacent media. On the surface, Moomin is obviously furry media, it deals with creatures having adventures, but I believe the furry connection goes deeper.

I found this video from youtube channel Culturally F'd, that gives a queer, poly, anti fascist reading of the moomins.

The video basically alleges that the Moomin's creator, Tove Jasson, was queer and for much of her life was in what we would now call a poly relationship with a man and a woman at the same time. It also notes how the moomins first appeared in a left wing magazine, hence the anti fascist element. If you want an example of cottagecore media without a hint of fascism, the moomins is probably a good place to look. It's not apolitical of course. There is that one post that is doing the rounds like "I only want apolitical media, like studio ghibli and the moomins" which is very funny and has never left my head.

While the text may not be explicitly queer, you could call Moomintroll textually "In love" with Snufkin, as well as his girlfriend, it's not like they openly date, but I have verified the things that video says about the author with other sources and it seems to be true. It does seem like the moomins comes from a queer, poly worldview, and now I have realised that, I think that is when I crossed the line from interest to obsession. That is how my life works, I tend to become obsessed with a specific piece of furry media for a year or so, hyperfixate on it as much as I can, then I move on but can always engage with furry fan work for it.

I think a lot of the appeal of furry stuff is explored in this awesome video from Patricia Taxxon. It argues that a lot of the appeal of being a furry lies in "The symbolic, the sensory, and the autistic" and that a lot of furries also have other intersecting identities that may have made you feel simultaneously human and inhuman. I guess what I am trying to say here is that I feel the moomins are very deeply furry media in a way that a lot of mainstream "furry" media isn't. Don't get me wrong, I still love a lot of mainstream furry stuff, but I think the true appeal for me is using symbolism effectively. Using your funny little animal creatures to explore things about the world and your life.

The moomins come from a genuinely weird, non corporate place. I would maybe even say if the author were still around today, we would probably consider her a furry. It may be a pleasant, pastoral, almost childish setting, but it deals with all aspects of childhood, from scary or dangerous events you don't understand, to interpersonal conflict, to even stuff as simple as getting sick. It's speaking to me on a level that not many things have before, with its depiction of subtextual, yet healthy and real feeling poly relationships, and real classical feeling adventures and family dynamics. This isn't a word I use much but it's wholesome, yet deep. I know I am only scratching the surface of the moomins and I can't believe it has taken me this long to get into them. I know this is probably fairly incoherent and it is mainly just my initial thoughts on what I have been getting into for the past month or so. I will probably post about it more going forward but just wanted to say something.

[aidansloth]

Random Gareth Emerson Headcanons:

this is literally the 3rd part of these, and yes, the hyperfixation on this sweet boy is still here (tw, I also accidentally deleted the past version of this and the suicidal tendencies really kicked in yk)

he's a Gryffindor, maybe a bit Hufflepuff but mostly Gryffindor

for my Percy Jackson fans, he's either Ares' or Hermes' kid

he's the type to dye red streaks in his hair after a mental breakdown at 3am

his pajamas consist of red checkered pants and a band tee (I'm looking respectfully sir👀)

is a theatre kid

he puts on full shows in his bedroom when his sister walks in and he SHREEKS

can you IMAGINE him singing at the top of his lungs Say My Name or The Room Where It Happens

he's a History and Science nerd, but is somehow shit at Maths

I'm sorry but he looks like he's about to ask you if you have games on your phone

he has SO MANY HOODIES and you get to steal all of them

don't know if I already said this but he's usually short on money so he handcrafts most of the gifts he gives and also makes a lot of his own jewelry

because he hasn't got a lot of money he makes the best presents, they're all thoroughly thought-out and personal to the individual

he can sew, maybe just as necessity, he can fix a button or shorten stuff I'm sure

wears mismatched socks on purpose

he wants to get industrial and helix piercings, tattoos too but he doesn't know what to get yet

Modern!Gareth loves Pokémon, has all the games and knows all of their names (it's his hyperfixation yes) and he says his favourite Pokémon is Emboar but it's actually Sylveon (he just thinks it's really pretty)

he looks like an Arcanine

him and his family (mom and younger sisters) have Sunday nights where they watch movies and play boardgames together and have junk food

when he introduces you to the family his sisters instantly invite you to these nights. he tries so hard to hide his excitement but he can't help but smile and giggle at the thought of you getting along with his family so well

his mom is so happy to see her son like this (she also very much loves you)

okay I got off track there

loves sci-fi, especially those stories where humans realize they've been treating robots and cyborgs like shit

also loves books with rebellions (totally projecting)

his favourite Disney movie is Mulan and yes, he currently has a crush on Li Shang (rightly so). he was probably his gay awakening

he uses dried flowers as bookmarks

him and Eddie stim together (Autistic Eddie and Gareth with ADHD)

probably said this already but his most common stim is bouncing his leg and clapping

he hates gum

any sort of gum, doesn't like it at all

his bed is full of cushions

LOVES dragons

he thinks they're so cool, they have FIRE and WINGS and they've got SCALES and they're BIG

always keeps the thing-y from cans (my English just died imsorry) and makes them into jewelry

he has the whole set of tools to do that too

he's also the one that fixes everything in the house

I also think that the whole of Corroded Coffin is going to live together in an apartment

once Jeff woke him up at 4am because a lightbulb went out in his room and didn't know how to turn fix it

that apartment is going to be a mess

no offence to them obviously, but they are teenage boys, what do you expect (I mean this with love I swear)

(for anyone who has read The Raven Cycle, it's going to be like the guy's apartment, even with the toilet in the kitchen)

the times they've forgotten that one of them is taking a shower and walked right in on them are countless

they always try to have some time together, since they're all busy with either work or college (I'm probably going to make another set of headcanons for this, it really just got my brain going)

can't decide if he'd either kill bugs without hesitation or if he'd be the guy to run away screaming

cause I know Eddie frees them into the wild

and I need to know if they're gonna fight about the bug's fate for 3 hours like they're meant to

Gareth would kill for chicken nuggets

i didn't feel like checking spelling so I apologize for any mistakes

[brainrotallthewaydown1312]

so I'm reading the Lockwood and Co books because one season isn't enough and I need these funky lil dudes injected into my veins. and I've very quickly noticed some stuff about how it's written.

I'm about half through the first book, so i am fully aware i don't have the context for a full review, but here are the observations i have.

1) Lucy is an unreliable narrator and i can't tell how much of that is purposeful and how much is just shoddy writing. some is definitely meant to be there, but some feels totally accidental

2) George is a foil to Lockwood and the author does not like him. part of it is definitely that Lucy doesn't like George yet. part of me wonders if she even will in this version because the author takes so much joy in going on multi paragraph roasts of George at every opportunity and consistently distinguishes him with insults

3) similarly, the autistic reading of George is both stronger and weaker in the books. it is definitely not something the author was thinking about or aware of the way the shows writers seem to have been. he feels almost more autistic in the books, but he feels that way largely because his descriptions make me feel like I'm seeing an autistic person through the eyes of an abelist person who is annoyed by their autistic traits and not because of anything he is actually saying or doing. it's a very weird reading experience as an autistic person. the shallowness of it is a little frustrating

4) Lockwood is interesting. he feels more his age in the book and he has more to say while still being very reserved. there was clearly more thought put into him than into any other character, including Lucy, in this book. he feels the closest to his series version, probably because the show went into a depth with all of the characters that the book feels disinterested in. i know that I'm at the beginning, but everyone is very shallow and Lockwood seems to be the only exception. and he doesn't have the depth of his show version, but he is closer than the others. he does also have the added trait in the books of being more of a little weirdo and that is endearing

overall, if i wasn't already neck deep hyperfixated on these characters from watching the show, i would likely struggle to read these and stay engaged. and i would probably not like the characters as much. as is, i am largely enjoying them because as i read i am taking details from the adaptation and spoilers and my own head cannons and forming my own franken canon for the books in my head that is somewhere between the actual book canon and the show.

part of me is tempted to see if my hyperfixation lasts long enough for me to do a fix it fic alternate version of the books when I'm done because i like the version in my head so much better than the actual books. would anyone read that if i did? because these funky little ghostbusters are running laps around every single neuron in my brain

[annie-shirl]

Okay babies, first girl on here is the cutie in my pfp

Anne Cordelia Shirley Cuthbert (Awae) was an orphan girl mistakenly placed in the Cuthbert's siblings' house. They decided to keep her and raise her.

Anne of Green Gables (books and movies) and Anne with an E are different in forms but not in essence.

The canadian movies' adaptation are closer to the books' story : a slice of life about a girl finding a family and friends and making her way into the world. It is light-hearted (until book 4 I think ? And 3rd movie), cozy and reassuring (okay Matthew and Ruby die but I swear the story is still very wholesome). I stopped at book 3 tho bc book 4 is about Anne after college and I'm not done with my cursus studies yet and I need to parallel her story, it feels right to walk together on the path of life or whatever

What makes me say Anne stays Anne throughout adaptations is the fact I can identify to Anne with an E, Anne of Green Gables movie and Anne of Green Gables book

•Anne with an E was my very first adaptation of Anne I saw, (back in 2020 covid first quarantine in the country I live in) and I got OBSESSED. This Anne is passionate about books, stories, writing, nature, collecting things on the floor and magic in mondain. She has a sharp moral compass and is always ready to defend social causes she considers important. The only difference between us is that she is as extroverted as I am introverted. But I admired the way she would leave a mark on all the minds of people she met. Also I was a hot-headed teen once too and was pretty much subject to strong emotional releases. Turns out I was autistic all along and Anne is very autistic coded too so it made me happy to share another feature with her kcjdjdkd (also Amybeth McNulty did an amazing job as Anne🌸)

•I think book Anne was my second representation. A new edition was coming out and the covers were too gorgeous to not buy them. Also I wanted to read the books so much since I hyperfixated on the show for a long time. I read book 1 in one night, sobbing by the end at 3 in the morning bc Matthew died (it was awful I was shaking). I then read to the 3rd book, and seeing very emotional Anne becoming calmer, getting a scolarship, fighting for her education even when she was struggling with money, working with kids, making it to college, renting a house with her friends and working on the side made me feel SO SEEN. I officially started working at 15 and never stopped until I was 21. I worked in a fast food, then with kids. My family doesn't have a lot of money so I had to handle myself most of the time, with scolarships, my savings and random babysittings, especially when I started my art school journey. That's why I want to read the 4th book once I finish my cursus. Cause we're so similar I want to keep this feeling of walking side by side.

•Anne from the movies is a cutie. She's a bit sillier than Awae but the core remains. She's a hot-headed red head full of dreams and ambitions, who's following her heart whenever it is possible. Then comes the war but her determination remains. She is strong, she is goal oriented and she gets over the obstacles on her way, helped by her two arms and solid shoulders. I like to imagine that's how I've been until now, a fighter.

Of course, other characters are lovely but Anne will remain the little girl I was and hopefully, the determined woman I could become 🌸

My father watched Anne with an E, he cried all of season 3 and said Anne reminded him of my sister and I and that was probably the nicest thing he could have said about me ever

Anyways, I love Anne ♥️

[flaringfoxsoul03]

Hi! I hope you’re having a good day. Could I please get a TWST/ Obey Me matchup, either one. My name’s Hope and I’m bi with a preference for men. I’m pretty much an open book and I’m very affectionate. I always want to be there for my friends and to be the best person I can be. I also am a tad sarcastic and very much loyal to my friends and anything I get attached to. Though I’m pretty chatty and clingy. I have a habit of adopting introverts in that I’ll keep going up to them until I slowly introduce them to my friend group and they start hanging out with us. I love books and all kinds of stories and writing and reading are big hobbies of mine. Other than those, doing funky makeup and going to the cinema, my interests tend to vary based on my current hyperfixation (I’m autistic) so they’re pretty much all over the place. I do consistently love music though and I will go on a ten minute tangent if anyone disrespects the songwriting ability of Taylor Swift. The main thing that can annoy me about people is when they disrespect others. Like I can befriend pretty much anyone who treats people with respect and kindness. I also hate loud noises so I don’t like people who scream a lot or who would yell at me when they’re angry. Finally my ideal first date is either cinema and a walk/drink after (because I love the cinema and sharing that experience with someone) or going to a bookstore with someone. I go for the rule of pacifism till provoked but if someone does provoke me or disrespects my values I have the option of going absolutely nuclear. I’m an INFP but like I literally got 51% introverted and 49% extroverted so it’s a pretty close call. I like all kinds of stories especially in book or movie form (cinemas and libraries are elite). I also like cats, hamsters, various other small creatures (not insects though they freak me out). And I collect a bunch of different things, I’m kind of a hoarder with most things cause otherwise I get panicked that I’ll run out. So like I have food and stuff stashed in secret spots throughout my room. I hate anyone who doesn’t treat others with respect, loud noises and mornings. As for looks, I’ve got brown hair and hazel eyes. I’m fairly curvy, mainly with chest and thighs but I’m also built pretty stockily which I can be a bit insecure about. And also I have a pet cat who I would sacrifice many many people for. Thankfully she only wants dreamies and head scratches. Thank you so much!PS - I give you this photo of my cat as an offering.

YOU HAVE SUMMONED ME TO FULL CAPACITY WITH THIS OFFERING! I SHALL GRANT THEE WITH 2 FOR 1 DEAL AND GIVE YOU BOTH TWIST AND OBEY ME MATCHUPS! You have greatly pleased me.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I match you with… (Twist Edition)

Cater Diamond!

——————————-

I know you said you draw in introverts, but you’ve had to know that you had an extrovert coming in HARD for you when you are more of an outgoing ambivert (combo of extrovert and introvert, the in between of those two) but still leaning towards the quiet side that this crazy social man should try once in awhile. But get hyped, this is the man who gives you all that energy when you’re just too unsure of yourself. But that’s not to say he doesn’t know when to pull the two of you away from the party

When you first met, you’ve gotta admit; you thought Cater was kind of a jerk. Granted he was still trying to follow the ridiculous rules Riddle has insisted to keep in place. But he still took advantage of you and completely walked all over you and the boys (ADeuce and Grim)! How could you not be upset for him just using you? He has some work cut out for him. Luckily, he makes do when Riddle Overblots and he helps you come to and gets outed for not liking sweets at the replacement Merry Unbirthday Party when Riddle accidentally takes Trey’s “advice” too seriously with the oyster sauce and Cater ends up liking the tart so much that Trey outs him in front of the group. Now you have ammo, go and mess with him to your heart’s content! I promise you guys will fall for each other after this threshold has passed

100% enjoys your loyalty to him. Cater never had to worry about putting up a front with only you around, you tore down those walls a long time ago. With all the cuddles and chats you guys constantly have, he’s never bored and almost has so many ideas to show his Magicam followers. He also inadvertently becomes the person the introverts you adopt can get away with the things his partner said they couldn’t do with all the introverts. Not that he minds until he realizes you often have already been asked and said no, so he’s getting on your introverts or he’s coming up with a good explanation that won’t earn him your fury while he’s explaining why your introverts are in the mess they’re in before you

Really loves that you’re so into makeup! And coming up with those crazy designs just fascinates him and his followers! So much so, since you still don’t have Magicam (at this point in the story), Vil finally starts following him. He is in (happy) tears, please get him to stop or stop him from doing anything rash before Vil regrets his decisions (this is because Vil sucks at communicating how he feels so this is how he keeps up with your makeup and you, sorry Cater)

I’m sorry, but since you can go nuclear in seconds, Cater has mastered his signature spell to come out in a matter of seconds faster than he usually does to keep you back. Trust me, he does not want to explain or stop anything stupid things for or to Riddle about why his S/O is fighting with the Head Master again to the point that his Dorm Leader is literally plotting the fall of Crowley and trying to incorporate the others. Save your mans and stop falling for Leona’s taunts with Ruggie

Your hyper fixations are his inspiration for when he’s lost that spark. Just asking you anything related to your favorite expertise gets those creative flows going hard again! Doesn’t know a Taylor Swift, but do you know Vil’s personal long time rival, Neige LeBlanche, has made at least 3 albums? More than Vil has at the moment, though Cater is certain that will change if Vil even gets a whiff of that news. Not important, let’s listen to Neige’s tracks and see if it’s as similar to this Taylor Swift! You can obviously see that Vil is very much Cater’s hyper fixation when it comes to his favorite subjects, so you’re not the only one in the relationship! Though, do occasionally offer apologies to Vil when you see him, he may not act like he needs them, but they really do help his self esteem and inner child

Is in love with this first date idea of yours, though he heard it through the first years when they started talking about relationships and how would they plan out first dates. Definitely was not spying on you guys with a clone, not at all! The clone just happens to be running an errand and is passing by, that’s all! And it’s still lowkey and not too over the top like he heard an idiot share (No Ace, you cannot and should never try to do intense parkour for the first time with a partner! Especially unsupervised!). Expect a lot, and I mean, a lot of pics and photogenic photos afterwards, he just can’t this idea out of his head and has to save it somewhere and show the world how lucky he’s yours~

Gets that sometimes, it’s better to not go to the party at all and stay home to recuperate. It’s one of the many things Cater learns early on in his relationship with you. You don’t like to go out every weekend, much much less every night doing something. He begins to appreciate spending more time with you and now has dedicated at least 3 times a week he spends his nights with you. Not that he’d tell you outright of course, but he’s not necessarily stopping you from finding out. What’s the worse that can come from that? He doesn’t always have to go to Kalim’s numerous parties, Cater can just easily convince him to throw another one on a day he can convince to come with him then, more willing than other times. Please be available to stop Jamil not secretly plan the murder of your S/O though, Jamil can only take so much bullshit from other extroverts and once

Loves your body type. Literally doesn’t care if you don’t like it, he’s gonna help you love it! Since Cater had to be conditioned to love everything “cute” thanks to his two older sisters, he enjoys things that aren’t too cute by his sisters standards, despite the word cute being burned into his brain. You unfortunately would not be able to get along with his sisters by yourself at first (damn them and their societal norms), but he doesn’t let that last long. You’re both each other’s hype. You can be the push he needs to finally set stricter boundaries with his sisters instead of letting them walk all over his S/O. This can be a win-win, but do expect a lot of angst if you ever do end up meeting his family, his father will be completely out of the loop during this unless his sisters Overblot, so don’t fret about getting the adults involved. Just try to solve it, so use words before magical solutions are needed

Cater doesn’t really have a huge opinion on cats or pets in general, his family moved too often to keep a family pet. But that isn’t to say he wouldn’t take care of your sweet feline! He already helps out a lot in Firelit Sky to help you keep Grim in control, what’s another cat gonna do? Give him allergies? On second thought, he’s not gonna jinx it. But he will definitely love your cat and wish to stay with you during holiday breaks!

You make he feel heard and appreciated for him and himself alone. He doesn’t have to be something for someone else, not a duplicate or the comedic relief, him. Cater is always brought to tears when he thinks of you and all that you do for him. He strives to be your person too, every little thing that bugs you (and honestly should because we’re talking about pretty much all of the higher ups of the social latter of Night Raven College), to little feuds to finally breaking down from all the ridiculous stress placed on you. You’re more than guaranteed to have things done with chatty Cater

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I match you with… (Obey Me Edition)

Leviathan!

——————————-

This is the introvert you adopt and Cater has to share. Am I mixing fandoms? Yes. Should there be a AU where Twisted Wonderland and Obey Me exist in the same universe? Yes. Do I want it where the Night Raven students go to RAD and possibly vice versa? Also yes. Do I care about the mixing? Not in the slightest, but I’m giving this shy otaku lover to you! I also inadvertently have given you a very easily jealous lover, so Cater better watch out and not make the Admiral of Hell’s (or the Devildom, you guys pick mostly because I can’t remember which one is canon descriptions) Navy and Avatar of Envy upset! Though, I’m sure you can run damage control, right?

Meeting Levi was, well, either painful or downright confusing as hell. He’s basically turned you into a pawn for his own gain, all because Mammon basically screwed both you and him over. But sure enough, he shows enough of his real self to you that you’re hooked. And you’re determined to keep this introvert of an otaku in your life! He’s eventually hooked after the TSL tournament, and he’s certainly all curious about you now

You’ll have to reassure him a few times, especially when his sin is peaking aggressively, but he also really appreciates your loyalty to him. Did you pick him over his brothers Mammon and Asmodeus going out to the club to play video games with him? You may have accidentally sent him back to heaven! Did you ask him to help you with dinner instead of Lucifer and Satan who were arguing which one of them would be cooking tonight with you? Faints for a second before praising you with promises of hard work like he didn’t even lose consciousness in front of you within the last five seconds. Did you seriously pull on his hand to the arcade games while Beel and Belphie were debating which store in the mall would be best to start first? He’s letting you win that multiplayer game for a bit as he’s recovering, you do so much for him it makes his envy and love for you soar!

Loves the crazy makeup designs you come up with! You can already expect him begging you to do anime themed ones in your style to see how it compares to how he does it. He actually learns some techniques he’d never think of trying, let alone doing! Levi quickly praises you for the art of makeup and begs to become your pupil. You guys occasionally can drag Asmo and Mammon into the mix, Mammon being Asmo’s dummy (Mammon no matter what is always whipped for you my dear, platonic or romantic, he’s so whipped). It can either go one or two ways: you guys are actually trying out designs, styles, and techniques, or you guys are competing on who has the better whatever the issue of whatever argument they were making. It doesn’t matter, it’s always either chaotic as usually is or it’s a calm moment. No in between on this

Your nuclear phase can also go one or two ways with Levi: one, he’s holding you back and begging for mercy or apologizing hastily to avoid punishment from Lucifer, or two, he’s joining in. There is no in between, other than it really depends on how his sin, envy, decides to act in that moment you go blowing shit up

One of the many things you duo end up doing together; hyper fixations. You both get hooked on this anime or video game? The other brothers and rest of the world can say goodbye and can expect you two to not emerge from Levi’s bedroom for the next 1-2 business weeks. He doesn’t like Taylor Swift at first because he’s convinced it’s just a normie’s songwriter and singer, but after you get him listening to at least three songs, he’s now a Swifty. Congratulations my darling

Really loves your first ideal idea for a date. He’s a hardcore introvert suffering from lots of anxiety and low self esteem just to mama a couple, but you preferring to stay in over going out is his favorite. He would be most excited for this date if you managed to get it to be an anime movie release and a cafe premiere vips. Or maybe he would do this? I’m not sure, but he would be more reluctant to go to a “normie” movie. However, there’s a 50/50 chance he hyper fixates on it and it’s fandom with you if he somehow go hooked on it for a little while

Did I say prefers it if you stay in? I lied, he LOVES it when you guys don’t go out for a date. More or less hopes you’re an introvert than letting your extrovert out. That means he can keep you in his room doing anything from games or watching anime. Or whatever your hyper fixation is and if he can inadvertently prank the household without getting in trouble. I’m like behind this headcanon that Levi often pranks his brothers, but he does it so gracefully, he’s not at fault for any rule breaking because it dances so close yet never crossed the threshold of breaking or finding loopholes and it’s all because this poor sea demon just wants to connect with his brothers

I don’t think I can repeat this enough; if you don’t like your body, Levi, no matter what, is gonna compare you to anime characters that are similar to you. Even to the point where they’re uncannily resembling of you. He doesn’t and could never find you unattractive, which is why he’s more confused about you hating your body (minus the envy) to the point where he asks Asmo to help him figure out what was wrong (because fuck Solomon he’s too shady for this Avatar of Envy in the midst of having a breakdown on how to comfort his partner). Eventually he gets a process down where he feels just as confident as Ruri-Chan in her new adventure, with some help from Asmo and secretly Solomon because the man can not handle not helping you from the brothers

According to a Q&A WAY way WAY back when they were advertising Obey Me, there was a question asking who liked cats and dogs and Levi was on the dogs list. So safe to say your cat isn’t earning brownie points already. Fortunately, if your cat is just looking for a safe quiet place to nap, Levi sure doesn’t mind. It might grow a little on him, but it really depends on what your cat does while they’re with him

All in all, Levi is your safety in grounding in the chaotic world you live in. He can sure join in on the chaos, but more often than not he’s quietly on the sidelines watching the ridiculousness unfold while listening to a podcast about a game or an anime, take your pick. But for you? Levi in a heartbeat would be your grounding buddy when it’s all too much. Best part is he can enjoy the solitude with you and get better at being outside of his comfort zone little by little. You’re that quiet couple who just would rather quietly hang out than join parties, though the occasional laser tag games with the exchange group doesn’t hurt

——————————-

And the FOUR follow ups are:

Kalim Al-Asim,

Lilia Vanrouge,

Simeon,

And finally,

Barbatos

===================

THAT TOOK SO LONG!But I’m so happy I took that time to properly finish this! I hope this is worth the wait! Duel matchups are so hard!

That’s all folks!

~Fox

[hexonthepeach]

Hello! It's me again, the one from the last ask who ran out of positive adjectives to describe your masterpieces.

I have since then devoured and thoroughly enjoyed your notes on the ncta, and I'm so excited about all of that wonderful worldbuilding!

I also found your introduction, and I didn't know you're autistic! I am, too. I am also very shy, and in my case that has severely limited my life experience.

That made me kind of self-conscious about my writing — thoughts like "if I can't read people well, how can I write them?" or "would this thought process even make sense to anyone else?"

Would you say absorbing those things from movies and written work is enough? Additionally, how can I have my hyperfixations work for my writing not against it?

I'm so sorry for rambling, I hope you have a nice day! 🌷🤍

first and foremost thank you so much you really are such a good soul to come in with all of the adjectives i really feel like crying right now at how kind and real that is when I feel so undeserving of them.

thank you thank you thank you over and over again (and also sorry if i include both asks in one i want to make sure i answer you well and don't miss anything) but also apologies for not being able to make this brief

not to be narcissistic but i'm really grateful you read my lore and notes. it's one of the few things that i go back to ground myself knowing that i don't always have the energy to write but getting it out there has been meaningful. i wrote my fic over 8 months so i had a lot of time to think about things and edit and go back to ideas but the gist is i'm not a super good writer with a lot of references, i just let things carry me when i'm lucky enough to find them and pick and edit when i can.

not sure if you are familiar with the baader-meinhof phenomenon but there were a lot of weird moments writing out that first draft where i was wondering if the universe might be smiling on my absolutely weird delusional self-insert fantasy. knowing people have enjoyed reading it has been helpful, so again thank you so much

i'm going to answer your questions as honestly as i can as someone who realized they were autistic after i turned 30-something and am still struggling with my own internal questions about what that means, as well as how i approach the rest of my life. like i knew when i was a kid but they didn't really have the language for it then for afab persons, they just put you in special classes and testing and thought it was funny you could memorize full books you read. for a long time i desperately wanted to be "normal" and there might still be a space in my heart that does regardless of how angry it makes me to think it's necessary

so, that said, i was able to have a lot of life experiences. pretending to be normal, and sometimes not. but it felt like, and still feels like, they were at a great cost.

one of the pivotal experiences for me back in 201x when i reached my burnout mode as an afab adult was learning from other f-presenting asd persons about how socialization constructs our experiences. we learn how to wear masks and we learn how to read people and we learn how to say things separate from our own, personal sense of self. i really thought that was the way the world worked for a long time and was maybe lucky enough or maybe cursed enough to be called out on it multiple times as an adult. it made me more cognizant of the fact that when other people are present, my only desire is to disappear

this kind of mentality is also pretty common from people who have been through abuse and trauma (which unfortunately i have also been through) but when you're a self-actualized adult as a child/teen because your brain is working more than people expect it to, it's normal to feel lost. and it does get worse when you try to be "normal".

im luckily older so i don't feel compelled to fit in and have made friends with a lot of other neurodivergent individuals. but what ive also found though is what is "normal" doesn't really exist and questioning it is really more of a gift than anything. it's why a lot of autistic individuals don't feel bound by concretization of gender or sexuality or societal constructs in general, or feel bound to them from some ethical or moral framework that doesn't actually exist. so when i think about the correct way to apply what ive observed i dont always feel bound to it, i guess?

that's how i write, and how i will imagine people is sort of existing outside of those boxes

i think i may have already answered your question in terms of "how can my hyperfixations work for my writing not against it?" but just to belabor the point a little more

fiction exists as a liminal space where we can experience things without being personally affected by them. and if you have difficulty, like i do, reacting to anything as it happens when you do find the courage to participate, oftentimes you will find yourself in a place where a performance makes the most sense.

ive always really enjoyed theater and media for that reason as well as transformative writing because it does have a level of self-actualization. i honestly think imitation is the highest form of flattery as well so that’s why i pull a lot of other work in but on an introspective level i think it makes sense why i hyperfixated on kpop for the last few years because it's the unreality that makes it special. 

when you know what it takes to be something you are not, you understand that there is a person underneath--acting or writing or performing--that you cannot and do not need to involve, and you are free to take the skin off of it or a surface level reading and make it your own. but it’s also something to relate to and even if i don’t always have the words to describe how i feel i think those emotions are still there and can be invoked by studying the way others present them

and not to be too forward with my advice but the best i've received in the past for writing is to be authentic to yourself without fear of judgment. because even if you believe you don't have an audience, there are always people out there who will have a similar experience. don't be afraid to idealize situations you have not been in and walk yourself through with a hand held internally through it. no one is going to give you a quiz or a test at the end, they'll just be grateful you helped them through it, too if you share it with them

i legitimately am rambling now but it's so nice to meet you and i hope i gave you a little bit of courage to continue creating, as you do me

bless, and thank you

[smegdwarf]

The thing about Rimmer…

He really isn’t a bad person, sure he does act like a dickhead at times but to me it seems more like a coping mechanism than who he truly is. This is a man that’s been treated like garbage by anyone and everyone that’s crossed his path, including his own parents (Well his Mother and Stepfather …we don’t know if Dungo was even aware that Rimmer was his son) who brought him into existence.

It’s clear Rimmer never had support and help growing up and has always had to fend for himself which would result in high walls he’s built to protect himself and not let anyone in. He wants to let people in, he wants to be cared for and loved but he doesn’t know how to seen as everyone he has ever let in betrayed his trust in the end. It doesn’t help that a lot of his thought processes are twisted and messed up given that a lot of the things he follows come from his Stepfather, who only seemed interested in living out his own dreams through the boys. Rimmer never had anyone growing up to tell him that his view on women isn’t great or that being gay isn’t a crime. He never had anyone to call him out and put him in his place (until Lister and eventually Kryten came along).

The man has carried around years of burdens and blame that for the most part aren’t at his fault. Rimmer has always been the one that’s in the wrong, that’s been made to not feel good enough. He’s carried the blame and burden of the radiation leak for over 3 million years when he should have never been ordered to fix the drive plate in the first place. Hollister was quick to blame Rimmer when he shouldn’t have given the order in the first place knowing full well it was out of Rimmer’s area.

I’m very much in agreement that Rimmer could well be autistic, given that he shows a lot of the same aspects that I do. He often takes things literally like in Gunmen of the Apocalypse when Bear Strangler McGee says ‘That pays for the hat but what about in the insult?’ Rimmer takes it literally and starts insulting him until Lister steps in. I’ve always said the filter between his brain and his mouth is faulty. He doesn’t read social cues very well as seen in the beginning of Meltdown when he’s telling his risk story and is completely unaware of Lister and Cats disinterest …even after Lister telling him so. He has hyperfixations on war, telegraph poles and vintage wires, he struggles socially and with empathy. It was also mentioned in TPL when Rimmer is shifting through light modes and mentions organizing his books on OCD that he has the condition which often goes hand in hand with Autism.

Rimmer finds it easier to keep himself to himself, keep his walls high and push everyone away because it’s easier to deal with than the hurt and pain of used and betrayed. I think the reason I’m so attached to him is because I see so much of myself in him. I’ve been through similar to what Rimmer has and being constantly made to feel useless and being treated badly all the time will make you bitter and cynical and it will warp how you view everyone around you. Having OCD and autism myself I completely and totally understand Rimmer’s way of thinking and how he behaves.

Rimmer isn’t a bad person, he’s complicated and messed up but deep down there’s just a man that wants to love and be loved, he can do anything but he just needs a little extra help and support. I for one would happily listen to his risk stories, let him talk me through his telegraph pole photos or vintage wires, I’d support him in everything he does and I would always remind him that he is loved 😊

And you know what I love about Rimmer the most …despite everything he’s been through he has never once given up!

[kindness-ricochets]

I’ve been seeing a lot of thoughts and hc of autistic wylan lately and you seem to also be a fan of the concept. May I ask why? Exactly? I could definitely kinda see it but wanna hear you thoughts you’re always so eloquent

Hey there anon! Sorry for the delay—I’m guessing you already found an answer to this elsewhere while I was off Tumblr for a bit, but just in case, here are my thoughts. This will be heavily personal, but… well, you can’t very well ask an autistic person about autism and expect neutrality!

Autism is different for everyone and can be difficult to pin down, so while Wylan is arguably autistic, he misses several beats that for me would have made him definitively and undeniably autistic. For example, when the bells start to ring, triggering black protocol—I work in a place with a lot of bells and am frequently caught too close to one and normally press my hands over my ears until it’s over because that sound is like shrapnel raking across my insides. All of them. Not just the ear and brain parts. Wylan doesn’t have that sort of visceral reaction, but that may just mean he doesn’t have the same sensitivities that I do, or to the same level. He also never, that I recall, eats meat—as weird as that might sound, eating meat is incredibly complicated with heightened sensitivities to taste and texture. I’m not sure how old I was when I realized it was strange to get up from the table to spit out my food because it viscerally repulsed me. So it might be that Wylan is autistic and has different experiences than I do. Those are things I would include in a story as major indicators of a character being autistic. This might also mean that his father’s way of raising him taught him to hide unusual reactions and stimming behaviors. It’s not that much of a reach to assume a man who tried to abuse the dyslexia out of his son would take the same approach to autism. (More on autism and abuse later.)

So while I’m going to lay out why I read Wylan as autistic, that’s why I think it’s valid to read him as not being autistic as well. Both are valid.

A final caveat, I am well overdue for a reread of the books, so I likely left something out or could have found better examples. Take this as a few of my reasons for a personal headcanon. Anyone who feels differently, that's fine! We can each read things our own way :)

1 - Hyperfixation: The way Wylan loves music

Most of the Crows’ backgrounds color how they see the world: Kaz’s shrewdness, Matthias’s tactical thinking and superstition, Inej’s faith and Suli wisdom, etc. That’s a sign of good character writing. But very little of Wylan’s upbringing seems to have influenced how he sees the world. It comes closest when he thinks about how his father would scorn his new friends, but we never see that scorn from Wylan.

The way a hyperfixation feels, it’s like you’ve always lived in a close parallel world, never fully been a part of the other one where it seems like everyone else lives, but suddenly there’s this bright shining piece of your soul laced through the other world. It lets you connect, it lets you exist in their realm, and you can’t help but filter everything new through that lens because it’s the brightest, most wonderful thing. (I had been between hyperfixations for a while when I started a new job; six months into that work, I read Crooked Kingdom. One of my coworkers thought I had fallen in love, it was that marked a difference.)

So, combining these: Wylan never really acts like he was part of his father’s world, and indeed is in some ways separate from the other Crows, but he parses everything through music, his hyperfixation. He sets words to music to remember them, like he does with the contract. Even his own anxiety is made sense of through music, when in his first narrated chapter, he sets it to music: what am I doing here what am I doing here…. When he’s overwhelmed, his thoughts are “a jangle of misplayed chords”. The Crows have backgrounds that influence how they react to the world, but Wylan’s hyperfixation is his means of experiencing and understanding the world.

2 - Literal thinking: Wylan responds to exact words

In this post, I went into detail on the line where Wylan suggested waking up men to kill them. Wylan is generally unsupportive of killing people���Oomen, Smeet’s clerk, his father… he advocates not-murder in each of these situations. Accepting his aversion to murder, his suggestion to wake men up and kill them seems like a genuine reaction to Jesper saying he doesn’t want to kill unconscious men. Wylan takes things literally.

This happens the most with Jesper, probably because Jesper talks to Wylan the most. Nina and Matthias don’t really register him past how he might be useful, Inej is usually quite direct, and Kaz is very deliberate when he speaks with Wylan. This really interests me because Kaz tends to vary his speech more than the others do, he adapts more to being around other people. He jokes a little with Jesper, spars with Nina, speaks more openly and more sharply with Inej, and he’s precise with Wylan. Kaz may not know what autism is, but he recognizes what’s effective with Wylan.

Another example is when Wylan is sketching the Ice Court plans and Jesper says it looks like a cake. There are plenty of valid responses here: pointing out that concentric circles look like lots of things, that it’s just a sketch, telling Jesper to stop looking over his shoulder. Instead, Wylan says that the Ice Court is sort of like a cake. That… doesn’t sound like something Wylan would normally say. He’s not addressing the whole situation, he’s addressing the specific words Jesper said.

One of the most heartbreaking examples of this (to me, anyway) is with Marya. Wylan does the same thing with his mother, when she asks if he’s there for her money and says she hasn’t got any, and his response is, “I don’t either.” We understand as readers that what Marya is communicating here is that she is so accustomed to being utterly ignored unless she is being used, and if she told Wylan that no one visited but to take advantage and she assumed he was here for the same reason, he would say it wasn’t the case. But he just responds to the immediate statement.

There are a lot of examples of this.

3 — 0% perception, 100% creativity

Wylan can identify things that don’t make sense or that he doesn’t understand, but at the beginning of the series he can’t make leaps, only ask questions. On the Ferolind, he wonders about the source of water at the Ice Court; though Kaz doesn’t say as much, he was clearly wondering, too, because he eventually figured out the underground river. There’s an interesting parallel here where, in the beginning of Crooked Kingdom, Wylan asks a question about how they’ll break into Smeet’s and Kaz tells him to use his eyes instead of running his mouth—at which point Wylan is able to figure it out. I don’t think this is because he never tried before, though, but because no one ever bothered to teach him. Kaz can be harsh but he gives harsh corrections rather than harsh rejections and Wylan learns from him.

It’s hard to understand the world for people with autism. The world is designed and run by and for people whose minds are fundamentally different from ours, whose thoughts and experiences are unlike ours. Imagine trying to learn English or Spanish or Mandarin or any other spoken language if your first language was olfactory. That’s sort of what it’s like for someone with autism to just get dropped into the world and expected to figure this out.

This can be attributed to Wylan’s upbringing, but I disagree with that because none of the others were brought up in the Barrel, either, and Wylan doesn’t understand trade or politics with any special skill. Kaz wasn’t born in the Barrel, but he managed to go from “stealing is wrong” to “wrong isn’t my concern” real quick; Colm Fahey didn’t raise his son on gambling and firefights; the Ghafas never expected their daughter to be away from the family. Only Nina has relevant training—and even that’s precious little, she left school way too early. The others figured it out; Wylan needed a bit more help. He also seems surprised by the way his father conducts business. Wylan takes things on face value—like the time he’s surprised someone would do something, simply because it’s unlawful. This is something he expresses to a group of gangsters. He’s never been taught the way of any world and these things are not intuitive to him.

But Wylan isn’t stupid.

He doesn’t know how to understand the world, but he does understand how things go together. Given a pointy diamond, a handle, and a screw, he cut through Grisha glass. He carries flashbangs and magic napalm, he recreates military hardware—Wylan understands how to make things interact for a specific result. But to me the most telling thing isn’t just that he puts together chemical pieces, it’s that he figured out Jesper controlled bullets. He saw the pieces and put them together.

Wylan can understand when things don’t make sense, but he can’t make sense of them—yet when he understands things at their basic level, he understands them without preconception, for what they are. This is a very autistic way of thinking about things, it goes back to the literalism. He can’t make the leaps of logic other people can, but he also doesn’t make the assumptions they do—“I’ve never heard of a bullet Grisha, so that’s not a thing” vs “Well Jesper’s an almost impossibly good shot and he controls metal and bullets are metal, so why not?”

4 - Broken brain/body connection

Wylan’s great at chemistry and drawing and playing flute or piano—but he’s something of a disaster other times. This is in particular contrast to the other characters, all of whom are physically adept. Meanwhile it’s a challenge for Wylan to climb a rope ladder and he spends a full paragraph trying to figure out what to do with his hands. It’s easy to say, well, he’s used to a sedentary lifestyle, but at this point he’s not. He’s worked in the tannery for months. He’s just physically awkward.

I have less to say on this point only because it’s about something I don’t fully understand myself. I don’t really understand what it would be like to have a body that just… does things? Like normal stuff? Without tics and stims. No idea. Only that Wylan’s discomfort in and seeming lack of mastery of his own body feels very relatable to me.

5 - Abuse

One of the most familiar things about Wylan is how he has been so thoroughly abused and broken down that he’s afraid to do or say much of anything. Again, this is a place his background can be an obscuring factor. Of course Wylan didn’t think to blow up the walls when the first met the parem-juiced jurda and got trapped, he’s a spoiled rich kid! Except, he also startled when Jesper said his name later. Wylan didn’t hesitate because he was spoiled, he hesitated because he had no confidence.

He also thinks Kaz would laugh at him for playing music at his mother’s grave. Now, personally, I can’t see Kaz laughing at Wylan—being indifferent, thinking it’s pointless sentimentality, shaking his head, maybe commenting sharply that they need to go if they don’t have the time. But not laughing. Kaz is a snarky, sharp-edged jerk sometimes, but he doesn’t go out of his way to criticize, he just lets people know when they inconvenience him.

Wylan has been trained to identify attention as negative by an overbearing abusive father who literally saw him as less favorable than a demon. Now, that may have been hyperbole, but Jan criticized everything he could about Wylan—art, music, emotion—and made clear that he was worthless and competent to nothing. (Jan Van Eck can suck a rotten donkey dick but that’s neither here nor there.)

A lot of people with autism experience levels of bullying that have similar impacts. Or as the kids these days are calling it: we go to school. We go to school where we are weird. Where we look weird and move weird and talk about weird things and there’s a whole little bevy of asswipes to makes sure we know it. I got teased more for playing Pokemon and sitting alone reading than the kid who pissed himself onstage at assembly. (This was before Pokemon was cool. I’m old.) And that is not unusual for autistic kids. It’s also not unusual for this to be compounded by relatives or even parents who may be trying to help but don’t understand and can make things even harder.

So we can’t read social cues and we’re taught at a vicious age that everything that comes naturally to us is wrong. Imagine trying to interact in society with that background. There is no guide and most advice from neurotypical people isn’t actually what they mean. It breaks you down.

Wylan’s anxiety isn’t definitive of autism, but isn’t something that was incredibly familiar as someone whose neurodivergent experiences created a strong level of anxiety.

6 — High Compassion, Low Social Competence

Wylan isn’t very good at making friends. In fact, none of the Crows likes him much in the beginning, and only some of them soften toward him by the end. (Matthias and Nina come to respect his skills as a chemist but neither seems to particularly like him.) But you can see throughout the books that Wylan wants to connect with them and be one of them, he just… isn’t. He’s off-beat. He’s weird. He asks questions and mimics behaviors (trying to be cool and tough like Jesper, saying “mission” like Matthias does, imitating Kaz’s scheming face) but he doesn’t quite get how to adapt.

But he still cares about people. Not just them. Everyone. He cares about the people they leave in the ditch outside the prison wagon, he cares about Hanna Smeet, he cares about Alys. He cares about the people who’ll take a hit from Kaz’s sugar caper.

Wylan’s awkward social skills have undeniable big autism energy. I posit his compassion does as well. This is simply who Wylan is, and that means being someone who cares about everyone. I have nothing to back up that this is related to autism. I can say that it’s like me. (Not to brag.) I can’t turn off the part of my brain that says everyone matters. Individuals can opt out of that compassion, but they have it by default. There’s a certain agony in feeling a pull toward and love for just about everyone and yet an inability to develop meaningful connections with them, and that keen loneliness… it just burns.

Again, it’s not definitive of autism, but it’s very similar to an autistic experience.

I said in the beginning that I didn’t think Wylan certainly had autism and I stand by that, but he is a powerfully honest reflection of many people who do. So he can be understood to have autism, and that’s part of the reason some people have that headcanon.

[voiidsalts]

hee hoo big ol lineup of Zha'kaar's family :] (click for better view, it's just too wide for tumblr bgjkkd)

lots of rambling about them below the cut <3 (mostly about Zha'kaar because y'know he's the actual oc here. aaaand Ma'jirr because I love him a lot)

so as you can see, Zha'kaar was the youngest for a While. he was 12 when Mi'esi was born, so for 12 years he was the Baby. it's important to mention that, if it wasn't obvious, he's always been a piece of shit. that thing about no person is born evil? yeah, that doesn't apply to him. literally he was just born Like That. nothing in his life caused him to be evil, he just does it because it's fun hjnkfmld

all his family is at least mostly good. he's literally the only one that isn't. after he got himself exiled, he definitely caused a LOT of drama (and mourning, obviously) in his family. and while his parents are still together, there's still a lot of tension and they're working REALLY hard to keep the rest of their family together. which has only worked a bit because Ra'si has completely shut herself away from the family and won't speak to any of them

so in order we got:

Za'asa: tired hunter mom. I don't got a lot to say on her, but she used to be very friendly and welcoming to literally everyone. didn't matter your race or age or anything, she could and Would mom you. often invited her friends for dinner. after Zha'kaar fucked up his family, she's gotten more reserved and distrustful

Mi'khaar: tiny exhausted stay at home dad. Mi'khaar also used to be very friendly, less so than Za'asa, but still friendly. he was never as social as her, he mostly preferred to just stay at home with the kids, even though he could barely keep track of them all hjkfld. like Za'asa, he's become more reserved and stuff since Zha'kaar fucked everything up. it's also important to mention that it is indeed intentional for his and Zha'kaar's suffixes to be very similar! because Zha'kaar was the first and technically only (because Mi'esi only got one blue eye and didn't inherit the red shine) kid to get his eyes, so Zha'kaar was named after him! it's also a nod to the fact that Zha'kaar's name was originally spelled Zha'khaar!

Ra'si: stoic warrior who absolutely doesn't trust you and won't hesitate to beat your ass. unlike her parents she's just... kinda always been like this. it's definitely gotten worse due to Zha'kaar, but she's always been unfriendly (except probably as like a little kid lol). she doesn't act like it anymore, but she did care very much for her family and was fiercely protective over them. now that she's shut herself away from them, she isn't really any more, but inwardly she does hope they're okay and doing well. she just wasn't able to properly process what Zha'kaar did and so she just kinda ran off

Khiva: snooty alchemist who likes to pretend she's a lot more important than she actually is. she kinda never got past the pretending phase as a kid so she still pretends she's things that she's not. she started pretending to be a famous alchemist as a little kid and just never stopped jgkf she's kind of a bitch but she's still a lot more tolerable than Zha'kaar. and if you can manage to get to know her, she sometimes will drop the act and can be nice. she just acts stuck up

Ma'jirr (he's got full on paragraphs, oops): accident-prone, overly friendly book lover. smart in theory, himbo in actuality. he has many brain cells but he only uses one of them. and that brain cell is just filled with useless information he's learned from books. adhd/autistic icon, reading and learning things are his hyperfixations/special interests. you need to know something? go to him, he'll probably know. just a walking encyclopedia of knowledge. and yet he somehow manages to just have no thoughts head empty energy. as a kid he was VERY friendly, definitely too friendly. he'd just walk up to strangers and start rambling on something new he learned and the strangers would just be standing there like "who are you????".

he never really figured out what he wanted to be as a kid, he just wanted to read and shit. he's definitely still the same way, but probably either owns or wants to own his own library/book store. and he's dabbled in writing himself!

he was always extremely close with Zahrassa as a kid, and they're definitely still very close! they have matching necklaces that they always wear :]

as for him currently, he's become a little less friendly and a little more sad due to Zha'kaar, but he does his damned best to keep a happy face and see the good in life. he was really upset by the whole ordeal, and he still is, but he's trying his best to cope in a healthy manner (unlike Ra'si who just went "lol nah fuck this" and ghosted everyone). it was probably the hardest on him because he always wanted to be close to Zha'kaar. Zha'kaar is his only brother and he always wanted to be that cool older brother for him. he wanted to show him cool things and do fun stuff with him and just be that really awesome big brother, but he never could because Zha'kaar just never cared. and after the whole ordeal, any chance he had of having a good relationship with Zha'kaar just shattered and that upset him a lot.

last little bit I'll say about him because I've already gone on way too long on him jgnfkd like I said, he's extremely accident-prone. he doesn't actively do stupid things, the world is just determined to take this man out </3 he's got a constant case of being in the wrong place at the wrong time. he'll walk into a room and an entire bookshelf will just fall on top of him hbjnkmdl and because of this, he ended up losing half his tail, so now he gets in even more accidents because he's still learning how to balance himself with only half a tail

Zahrassa: confident mage with no sense of self-preservation. she was a really shy kid, what happened??? as a kid she was like terrified of everything and everyone. extreme anxiety. she really mostly just stayed with Ma'jirr and read books with him. she was even afraid of her other siblings hjbgnkfkd why? who knows. she was just a really anxious kid. but then she just found confidence and got too carried away with it and now she has literally no fears. if she saw Zha'kaar again, she'd probably just straight up punt him off a cliff bhjnfkkd she definitely went the more angry route with his shit. while she isn't normally a very angry person, she kinda just disregarded all the stages of grief except for anger. instead of being sad, she's just really bitter over what Zha'kaar did. oh, also she's accident-prone as well, but in her case it's because she does stupid things. accidents find Ma'jirr, but Zahrassa finds accidents.

bastard cat himself. don't need to blab about him obviously. all I'll say is god damnit he may have still been evil but damnit if he wasn't adorable as a kid. he ears too big for he got damn head....

Mi'esi: the Baby. not a lot to say on here bc she's dead lol. but she was relatively friendly but also EXTREMELY anxious because of being constantly terrorized by Zha'kaar. she literally just wanted to vibe and be a kid, but Zha'kaar was not having it because he was mad he wasn't getting all the attention and couldn't get away with things anymore bc he no longer could pull the cute card.

[sepublic]

Happy Birthday to The Owl House!

           Honestly, I’m… REALLY shocked to think back on how it’s been a year? It’s been a full, actual year, since that first episode?

           I remember when The Owl House was first announced around early 2018. Something about it, the premise, the characters from that one poster we got; It really drew me in, and I kept track of the show’s progress in eager anticipation. Whenever Dana released art of Luz, Eda, and King, I was ecstatic- And when the show was delayed to 2020, I was dismayed.

           Then we got our teaser trailer; The opening them, the end credits, even a little sneak peek! I remember speculating a lot about Luz and all of the other new characters we were introduced to, such as Willow, Amity, and Gus- And then we got more and more trailers in the days leading up to the show. I wondered about Luz’s home back on Earth and where her family was, I listened intently to the Hooty and the Parliament music video, finding an almost melancholic, weirdly nostalgic (despite having never watched the show yet) vibe to it- Whilst also avoiding looking at the screen and seeing all of the various clips it offered, because I wanted to be surprised! It was two years of anticipation, two years of wait for this show- I’d never looked forward to a series before like this, last I can recall… So having this content FINALLY come out, seeing these characters in animation, hearing their wonderful voices! My soul was vibing, it was time, it was coming after all this time…!

          Eventually I finished Infinity Train Book 2, the same day that The Owl House premiered… I was blindsided when I woke up to the first episode’s release online, in full- I was already planning to wait until later to watch it on television, so having it permanently accessible from the internet was such a pleasant surprise! And the show… The show, man- That premiere caught me off-guard with how much I enjoyed it! I knew I was looking forward to this show, but still…! It blew away my expectations, and even now, has continued to; It was like my personal investment and attention had paid off so patiently well! I even got a DisneyNOW subscription so I could watch each new episode ASAP, the day it premiered, hours before it aired on television!

           I remember scouring Tumblr before the show officially premiered, and there was understandably very little- A few pieces of fanart here or there. And when the show DID premiere, for a while there wasn’t really much of a fandom- There was barely anyone, in fact! But I can remember a few notable blogs who have been around since the beginning… Me, I got invested into this show. I found myself really enjoying Lumity as a ship, especially since I resonated with both characters in it; Luz was such a ball of sunshine that brightened my day, and Amity really spoke to me with her more introverted, top-scoring personality. When the show hit its mid-season hiatus, I remember not handling it too well, as I got impatient and frantic in my speculations- I wanted so badly to learn more about these characters, see what happened- Get a look at Emperor Belos (then known as Bellows by the fandom), etc.

          I wrote my Bile Coven piece in preparation for Halloween, even got to know a mutual or two over shared theorizing! I kept track of Dana’s updates, and even had people come to my blog, of all places, to send asks! It was and still has been such an engaging part of fandom for me… I recall impatiently waiting for the Owl Pellet shorts and freaking out over them- And when Adventures in the Elements leaked early? I LOST MY MIND, I remember postponing something I was supposed to go to, just so I could watch the episode- And it was so good! Then I started wondering and hoping the rest of Season 1 would come out, and well- It took a while…

          And when Season 1B’s trailer came out, I was all over it; Scouring every possible frame, freaking out over the Grom screenshot, and appreciating the influx of new fans! It was amazing to watch The Owl House go from a relatively minor and obscure fandom, to becoming so much more mainstream and populous! I got into Rebecca Rose’s channel, I began writing more meta and posts about the show, as well as little recaps for each new episode. I feel like my blog really took off from here, as I got to interact with more and more people who shared this mutual love of The Owl House, and I was so ecstatic to see more content and buzz about it!

           My mind was solely focused on The Owl House, it was one of my huge hyperfixations, even moreso than during Season 1A’s run- I remember being anxious about Enchanting Grom Fright, wondering if we’d get queerbaited… But NO, Amity was in love with Luz! She canonically had a crush on her, a girl in love with another girl- And I loved it because Lumity was a special comfort ship of mine! Then Amity was confirmed lesbian… It was amazing! And I found myself SO invested, so inspired by the show and its characters, and all of the little allusions to things, the foreshadowing, the moments here or there that made so much more sense after a new episode.

           This show inspired me creatively- It got me to write some of my personal favorite fanfics, and I was and still am so touched by whatever feedback I get from them! The Owl House really got me to write, to obsess over characters and analyze them, to look at motifs, to think about worldbuilding… It’s been such an artistically enriching experience, both the show and the fandom! I remember despairing so terribly when Agony of a Witch came out, the genuine betrayal I had when Lilith revealed the truth- Because I’d been legitimately endeared to her character beforehand, even formed a sort of ‘trust’ in a sense… And like many others, I agonizingly anticipated the season finale, the much-needed emotional reconciliation!

           I remember how the episode titles were revealed, bit by bit, and how I and others speculated on what they’d spell out! I remember when the fandom obsessed over the Witch’s Apprentice game and its relics, for clues and new lore after each episode, the little hints here or there! I was freaked out by characters like Belos, who lived up to my hopes and expectations- First being alluded to by name, then his amazing appearance… And then his voice and mannerisms and everything about him! And when the Season Finale came out…

           Well, there was relief. But there was a bittersweet emptiness- That it was over! The first season was over! There was a celebratory triumph, of course- We finally wrapped up the first, major arc of the show, the first batch of episodes that had been worked upon, the whole thing now unveiled and appreciated! But I was a little dismayed because a part of me KNEW a hiatus much longer than the previous one was ahead of me, and I did not handle the mid-season hiatus well. Of course, then Dana had her Reddit AMA, and the charity livestream; Both of which NOURISHED me creatively, and have helped to fill out the wait! To carry out my momentum, to not flounder about in hiatus; I invested myself into more meta, into various posts, etc. I read fanfiction that genuinely floored me, obsessed over fanart, etc.

           I supported the show’s release on Disney Plus, ecstatic to get this kind of ready access. I revisited past episodes and characters, looking at them in a new light, appreciating things; Like Luz’s relationship with fantasy… King’s surprising development, all of Eda’s little hints and clues. There’s been an emotional catharsis with these characters for me- And I genuinely feel like I’ve been a lot happier lately because of this show! I’ve met so many other blogs and gotten to know them, seen their ideas and displayed mine as we appreciated one another… I even remember doing another blog’s fanart prompt prior to the show’s release, in preparation!

           I feel like The Owl House has genuinely given me a new appreciation for meta, for fandom and analysis… For headcanons, for writing my own stories and contributing my own ideas and speculations, etc.! It’s contributed SO much joy to me as a hyperfixation, and rapidly risen through my blog as my most frequent tag! And even as I explore other fandoms and hyperfixations, both then and now, especially to pass on this crippling hiatus… This show holds a VERY special place in my heart for me. It’s really made me feel for these characters, the love and sadness, the excitement and sense of comfort… Its love and emotions, angst and found family, lore and speculation, it hits so hard to me in a way that other media hasn’t!

           It’s provided representation- Such as canonically queer characters, or protagonists who speak so well to the neurodivergent experience for many people! I’ve had delight in seeing people suggest Amity as autistic, when before Season 1B, I lowkey headcanoned and saw her as such- So seeing more evidence for this resonated deeply in my heart! I remember all of the discussion about King as a character, the confusion and talk about whether or not he WAS a King of Demons, when that first announcement in 2018 had made a similar claim… I looked forward to Eda and Lilith’s relationship, speculated on who cursed Eda, and remembered when I’d considered the Blights as a potential culprit! I remember thinking about Hooty, wondering what his deal is- And thinking then and now about that Owl Deity mural in the Owl House! Watching Luz’s development as a character and as a witch, seeing her become more proficient with magic until it finally pays off with her squaring up against Belos, and wounding him- I’d never felt so proud of a character and their progress before!

           There’s still so many more questions and mystery, lore… as well as just genuine character interactions, to look forward to! I think The Owl House is one of my favorite shows of all time… It’s deeply touched me as a person and creator, and I genuinely strive to create something even close to this one day. This show has inspired me, made me laugh and cry, compelled me to creatively make content; It’s introduced me to a wider fandom that I genuinely feel like a part of, had me meet other mutuals… It really is something special to me. And while I am eager for Season 2, I also want to appreciate what Dana Terrace and her crew have already established. I love this show’s art style and animation, the designs and overall weirdness of its characters- I love speculating and thinking about them, getting more and more details, and so forth.

           If it’s for a better product, I’m fine waiting for Season 2. And honestly, I love what we already have, and I’ve done a lot with so many people. I’ve even looked over supplementary materials and stuff posted by the crew or news articles, in my need for content… And I love every bit of update, art, and/or acknowledgement of the show’s hiatus, and Season 2’s development! There’s so much to look forward to… And there’s so much that I’ve enjoyed, after plenty of anticipation!

           Thank you @danaterrace, and everyone who worked on this- For everything. It really is crazy to reflect on this entire year, to realize it’s been a full year since that first episode, since that first premiere that lit up my world like Luz’s light spells; And it feels like such a milestone that we’ve reached! I look forward to what comes next, and I also intend to keep appreciating and cherishing what we’ve already gotten. Here’s to this show’s second year, people- It’s been such a journey to look back on and remember each step, each phase, each particular moment and stage… And I can only imagine what will come next! This show has SUCH a special place in my heart, and has made me feel in so many ways I haven’t before!

           Happy Birthday, The Owl House! You’ve earned it!

[maybedefinitely404]

Not Your Typical

Genre: college AU, hurt/comfort (kind of?)

Pairings: romantic Demus, Logicality, and Prinxiety

Content: some language, autistic character, sensory overload, mentions of losing friends in the past, anxiety, unintentional self harm, Roman is kind of a jerk but he regrets it, food mentions, unable to eat certain consistencies, beach/water/swimming, Janus being a disaster gay, ASL, selective mutism.

Word count: 6k

Comments: Like always, I don’t intend for these to be so long. Holy cow.

Janus is written based mostly on my experiences as someone with autism, and how it’s affected my childhood/relationships/daily life. No one’s experience is the same.

Janus was always alone. Alone, not lonely. 

Most of the time, that is. 

His whole childhood was an endless cycle of make a friend, weird them out, be alone. Find another friend, weird them out, be alone. And sometimes it hurt, yeah, but he got used to it. At home, he spent the entire day in his room, assembling structures out of legos before tearing them down and starting over. Sometimes he’d build something really cool, and that would stay up for a long time. He didn’t have any siblings, and his parents didn’t give a whoop as long as the floor was generally clear, so no one ever bothered the space ships or towers or just really long lines that stretched from one wall to the other. He liked those. 

Things changed when he got to middle school. Life started getting real, people became more than just recess friends, and that unsettled him. He made a couple close friends, friends that he really opened up to only for them to leave him when he became too much. He just couldn’t help it though; he couldn’t help the way he bounced when he got so excited he couldn’t breathe, or how he couldn’t use words when he got overwhelmed by the touch and the noise, or how he couldn’t stop talking about his favorite shows or books. He was labeled as childish. It was like a label had been stuck to his chest that read “avoid at all costs”, and people did. 

So he relearned how to be alone. He put a lava lamp next to his bed for when he needed something constant to look at, he got a collection of chewy necklaces and stim toys that never left his room. After a lot of research, he convinced his parents to buy him a weighted blanket for when every touch was too light, too agonizingly light, and he needed something firm to ground him. At school, or really around anyone, he learned to control his more obvious stimming and touch sensitivity by staying in oversized sweaters and jeans. He taught himself basic sign language for when he couldn’t talk, even though he knew his parents wouldn’t understand him. They took forever to learn basic signs, for ‘water’ or ‘quiet’ or ‘no’, and both eventually got frustrated and gave up. As if their frustration was anything compared to his. 

It was going great, not perfect but better than before, until he graduated high school. Suddenly he realized he was about to move halfway across the country, to a new environment with new triggers and new people who didn’t understand that he wasn’t frowning because he was pissed, but because smiling when you didn’t understand the reasoning was exhausting. Why do people smile and greet you when they enter the room? Why couldn’t that be more of an… understood thing? I’m here, you’re here now, we both know that, so why bring so much attention to it? For once his parents were kind enough to help him out, taking him to the campus during the summer to get acquainted with the surroundings and learn the map by heart. He talked to the admission’s counselor, explaining his disability and why that meant he couldn’t be on the side of campus near the highway, because the constant noise and common sirens would make him explode. They were eventually able to move him to one of the other buildings, one with apartments instead of dorms, even though that was generally only for third and fourth years. It took a load off his shoulders; less noise, less people. The one thing he couldn’t do was meet his roommates before the year started. 

The school got them into contact, and since he was the last to be assigned to the six person pod, they added him into their pre-established group chat. The other five already had nicknames, ranging from ‘Dad’ to ‘Rat Bastard’, and he immediately felt like an outsider. Not like that was new to him, though. Except, he didn’t stay like that. When one of the group, ‘Nerdy Mcnerd’ on the chat (he’d long forgotten their actual names), asked him what he liked and he immediately sent a list of special interests and hyperfixations, the top being snakes, it was like a door had been opened. Nerdy Mcnerd was a fan of space as well, and the two stayed up until all hours of night on their own chat discussing space and their place in the universe. Rat Bastard had an affinity for what people would categorize as “creepy animals”; octopi and squid, spiders, star-nosed moles, and most importantly, snakes. Their conversations mostly involved dopey pictures of snakes and unintelligible key smashes and emojis. Emo Disaster shared his love of darker themed TV shows, and they started a couple new ones at the same time, constantly updating each other with theories. When he mentioned his major was psychology, Dad was immediately overjoyed to be sharing the major with someone, and offered to help him study for the harder classes. He didn’t hit it off quite so well with Princey, who was put off by Janus’ so called “moodiness” and didn’t trust him. 

When they finally met, it was supposed to be great. Janus knew the environment, somewhat knew his roommates, and was surprisingly excited for the new year. His joy was suddenly vanquished, however, as meeting these people face to face took a turn for the worse. Dad, Patton, immediately tried to go for the hug when he walked into the apartment for the first time, and was slightly taken aback when Janus reared back so hard he hit his head on the wall. The glee disappeared and he apologized profusely, and that’s when Nerdy Mcnerd, Logan walked in, explaining that Patton was very physical. They were over it rather quickly, but Janus shuddered as soon as the other two turned to each other. They had already claimed one of the three rooms for themselves, so Janus chose the one furthest into the apartment. He dropped his suitcases next to one of the two beds with a deep sigh. The thought of a hug… no. It unsettled him greatly, made his skin crawl. Maybe one day, but not now. 

Emo Disaster and Princey, Virgil and Roman, arrived later in the day, hand in hand, bickering animatedly when they walked into the apartment. They were greeted with a huge hug from Patton and a side hug from Logan, and that’s when Janus recalled that they had all been roommates the year prior and again, felt a small tinge of pain. He was still the odd one out. Virgil gave a two finger salute to where Janus was sitting curled up on one of the bar stools, knees pulled to his chest and for the first time, Janus didn’t feel compelled to give a forced smile in greeting. It was a relief. The small nod was all that was needed. Roman however, was a different story. When they happened to make eye contact for the first time, the taller man still standing in the doorway, Janus flinched. Hard. The man’s eyes burned through him, as if scouring through his brain, eyes so full of passion that Janus had to look away. Eye contact was only an issue for him sometimes, but with Roman, it physically hurt. Which only made the theatre major more suspicious of him. As he passed him on the way to get a glass of water, the taller man blurted out, “You’re a first year, why are you in a third year building?”, earning him a gentle smack from Virgil. He answered with a lame shrug and rushed back to his room, conceding to just go to sleep, regretting leaving his drink on the counter. 

No one besides Janus was surprised when the door burst open at three am and a loud voice screamed, “I’M BACK, FUCKERS!” He was frozen in place, woken with such an adrenaline rush that he couldn’t move. Outside, the other four exited their rooms with varying levels of annoyance and delight, greeting the final member of the group. Remus, as Janus heard them proclaim, was his roommate, the only two dwellers not in a relationship. The gremlin burst into the room, a deranged smile on his face, and Janus wanted to cry. Why did he have to be stuck in a room with the loud one? But Remus saw the mismatched eyes poking out from under the blanket and with no hesitation, sunk to the floor next to the bed, still smiling but a million decimals softer. 

“Hey, Snakey. Sorry to scare ya. I’m Remus, but you can still call me Rat Bastard if you want. Call me whatever, I don’t really get offended. You go back to sleep, I’m gonna get settled in. We can talk in the morning.”

Janus wasn’t planning to fall asleep, not with this new person in his room, but Remus was shockingly silent as he unloaded his things (he packed a bunch of garbage bags, not even a suitcase or box), and he couldn’t help the way his eyes slipped shut. 

First semester came to a close, and he was equally delighted and horrified that everyone was staying on campus for break. It had become harder and harder for him to avoid movie nights, or family dinners (as Patton called them), or days they all went into town together. In the beginning, he put it off to being tired. Then, studying for exams. Now with school halted for nearly a month, he was out of excuses. It was getting to the point where he could feel the frustration from his roommates, and he wanted to admit how much he wanted to spend time with them, until his drawer full of secret stim toys and chewy necklaces called him back. At times, he let himself spend time with them. Baked something with Patton, talked about the stars with Logan, sat with Virgil as they studied, and it was good. He never was able to escape Roman’s cynical glares that made him absolutely shudder, but he got on much better with his twin. 

Remus never minded if Janus only greeted him with a raised eyebrow, and he was okay to have more one sided conversations while Janus drew, or after a few weeks, stared unapologetically. Because god, there was so much about Remus that Janus couldn’t help but watch, even if a normal person would get uncomfortable by his wide and unblinking eyes. Luckily, Remus was no ordinary person. But the younger still kept the drawer to himself, only allowing himself to nom on the plastic or squeeze the orbeez filled squishy snake with intense fascination when he was alone. So every time he was with the others and felt the need to stim or infodump or was about to have a stress induced meltdown, he would excuse himself and leave without so much of a goodbye. He couldn’t, not in front of them. Every time he left, he could hear Roman’s quiet remarks about him that stung more than he wanted to admit. 

He’d had so many people leave, people he allowed himself to get close to, only for them to see the side of himself he tried to hide. In his heart, he knew that part of him wasn’t bad. It was just him. Other people didn’t understand that, though. No matter how much he tried to convince himself that no one would judge him, or laugh at him because they weren’t like that, he was scared. The effort was wearing him thin, and it came to the point where he realized he had to tell them. He had to, or he would burst, and that would be way worse.

It was just three little words: I. Am. Autistic. And he’d explain everything, tell them about his stims and limits and how he needed space sometimes and hugs others, and spill everything about himself, and they’d accept him. They’d have to, right? Only, the night he was planning to blurt out the truth, something stopped him. 

They were eating dinner, one of the only ones he’d attended in a while. Patton kept glancing at him from across the table as he picked half heartedly at his lasagna, distracted from the lively conversation between the twins and Virgil. The whole thing was speckled with bite sized pieces of mushrooms and zucchini, two of the foods that he couldn’t eat to save his life. The texture made him want to recoil into himself and scream and yank at his hair, and he’d learned early in life that that wasn’t a normal response to food. He wanted to explain to Patton that it wasn’t the meal itself he was avoiding, that it wasn’t Patton’s cooking that he didn’t like, it was just the texture of those two things. 

Well, maybe that was a good gateway into his big announcement, if you could even call it that. It felt almost as scary as his coming out to his parents had been. If they didn’t take this well, he might be exiled from the group. If they tried to put up with them, they’d get irritated so quickly and slowly freeze him out. He really didn’t want that. It needed to happen though, he realized. How much worse would it be if one of them walked in on him having a meltdown, holding a pillow over his mouth to block his screams, biting almost animalistically on a necklace? How unsettled would they be if they saw him hitting his blanket pile out of repulsion of the feeling of his textbook pages? Better to warn them ahead of time. It was only luck that had gotten him this far.

Just as he opened his mouth to speak, Logan hit the table with the heel of his hand and let out an almost guttural scream before storming into his and Patton’s room, slamming the door behind him. Janus nearly fell backwards off his chair, matching Virgil’s surprised expression. Roman went silent, wincing slightly.

“What…” It was the first word he’d said the entire meal. Patton whipped his head towards him as if he’d forgotten he was there, a sudden sympathetic look on his face. He gave a weak smile.

“Sorry about that, kiddo. Logan has autism, sometimes he can’t handle the stimulus around him. Or maybe he just had a rougher day than I thought. I’ll check on him after dinner, give him some alone time.”

Logan has autism.

Logan has autism. 

Oh my god.

It was like everything clicked into place. His passionate talk about topics he was interested in that could rival Janus’ (if he would ever let himself infodump like he wanted). His mannerisms, his occasional emotional outbursts, his rigorous unbreakable schedule, it all made sense. For a brief second, Janus was elated. Someone like him, someone who understood! And if they accepted Logan, maybe they would be able to understand him, even if they presented different areas of the spectrum. 

But… how would that look? Janus had hidden away his neurodivergent traits for so long, repressed them until he felt like he would literally explode… what if they thought he was faking it? It’s not like they knew him well, not with the amount of time he avoided being around them. They might think he was lying to get attention, didn’t want to be left out. Wanted to be special.

Patton seemed to be waiting for a response, he noted. He gave a curt nod, hoping it displayed that he was unbothered by Logan’s disability, before giving a stupid excuse about some reading to finish over break and darting back to his room. Remus joined him later, saying nothing about the fact that Janus was huddled under his weighted blanket, no book in sight. He sat down in front of the bed, a common habit of his now, and began to quietly talk about some new dark fantasy story he was designing, his lilting voice soothing Janus to sleep.

Time passed, winter came and went, and the end of second semester was drawing near. Janus was still careful with the way he presented to the others. They had picked up that he didn’t like physical contact, and though they never said a word about it, Patton’s lasagna recipe shifted, kept changing, until it no longer included mushrooms and zucchini. Janus refused to believe it was for his sake, though. He tried to join them for a couple movie nights, but the constant fear of stimming made his anxiety spike, therefore finding the need to stim more compelling, until he had to leave. It was getting harder, however, now that it was that pleasant in-between time where he understood how his new profs worked but it wasn’t exam season yet. His excuses were dwindling. Like always, Roman made his stupid quips that hurt him more than was probably intended, and he’d finally had enough. 

Maybe that’s why he was staring out at the open lake in front of him, hands playing absentmindedly with the hem of his shirt as Patton and Remus squealed, sprinting into the water without a second thought. One of their shirts had landed on Janus’ sandaled foot, and he quickly kicked it off as the light touch began to irritate him. Logan stood to his side, watching his boyfriend with an almost imperceivable smile. 

“You guys could have helped carry stuff if you were just going to stand there!” Roman’s indignant voice carried over the lawn, muffled slightly by the pile of towels he was carrying. Virgil snorted, whether in agreement or at Princey’s expense, Janus didn’t know. Either way, he dumped his handful of lawn chairs unceremoniously onto the lawn at their feet. 

“You two set these up then. I’m hot, I’m going swimming.”

“Damn right, you are,” Roman grinned. Virgil raised an eyebrow.

“Damn right I’m hot, or I’m going swimming?”

“Yes.” He didn’t give any of them a second to retort, scooping up a shrieking Virgil before sprinting them both into the water. 

“They didn’t even take their shirts off,” Logan commented, picking up a chair from the pile and unfolding it. Janus quickly joined in, helping him set the four chairs into a line and placing the towels down in front of them. “Did you want to go swimming?”

Admittedly, Janus hadn’t actually gone swimming, much less to the beach, since he was a kid. He was lucky to have even found a swimsuit amongst his other barely worn clothing; how it had snuck into his suitcase, he didn’t know. The water looked inviting and it was hot, but right now he was exhausted from the long ride over in Remus’ truck, having to refrain from plugging his ear when it got too loud or maintain his breathing carefully when a leg touched his.

“Maybe in a bit. I’m kind of tired.”

Logan turned to look at him, dare he say scrutinizingly? He washed the expression away quickly, asking, “Would you like me to stay with you?”

“No, it’s okay,” Janus mumbled, “You go have fun. I’ll be fine, I like the quiet.” As if to punctuate his point, a child screamed from the playground, making them both flinch.

“Are you positive?”

“Yes. Go enjoy yourself, Logan.”

He nodded curtly, pulling his shirt over his head in one fluent motion and walking towards the waves professionally, as if he were walking towards a lecture. Patton cheered from the water.

Janus didn’t concern himself with the time as it passed, instead letting his mind wander while he focused on a line of ants that were crawling up a tree next to him. It wasn’t until a fast approaching form caught his attention did he tear his eyes away, hearing him give a shout of “Be right back!”.

Remus plopped himself onto the towel next to him, still panting from the run, but grinning from ear to ear. As he ripped open a water bottle and drank greedily, Janus couldn’t help but stare. Water glistened on his skin like jewels in the afternoon sun, plastering his hair down over his jaw and eyes. His eyelashes were barely fluttering against his cheekbones as he guzzled nearly half of the bottle, his adam’s apple bobbing with each swallow. The jut of his shoulder, almost touching his throat, taking his weight as he leaned back on his arm… the whole thing was fascinating. People interested Janus as a whole; the way they functioned, how they seamlessly picked up on little cues from others that Janus was still in the process of figuring out, even down to intricate biology of cells was incredibly captivating. But Remus was so much more than that. His voice when he spoke him to sleep, never mentioning it the next day, the way his dark eyes glimmered with hope when Janus agreed to eat with them, the twitch of his moustache as he covered a laugh at Patton’s corny jokes. 

He was art, plain and simple. 

Janus didn’t know if what he felt was romantic attraction. It sure felt like it, except it had never felt quite like this before. It wasn’t that he was asexual or anything, he was actually decently far from it. It was just how uncomfortable most physical contact made him that gave him the idea he might never have a partner in the way that he wanted. He wanted to hold hands, to cuddle, to kiss… but at the same time, he didn’t. That is, he didn’t know how he’d handle it. Sure, he’d had crushes in the past, cute boys from his classes or celebrities in the shows he hyperfixated on, and still the feeling of uncertainty had stayed. With Remus, something was different though. Never before had a crush ever felt so breath stealing, chest clenching, awe inspiring-

“Like what you see?” 

Janus flinched, realizing Remus had finished drinking and was beaming at him with that stupid gorgeous gleam in his eyes. He looked at his lap immediately, feeling his face heat up. 

“Sorry.” 

“Not a problem,” Remus smirked, having the audacity to wink at him before standing up. “I’m going back in. Coming?” He reached out his hand, hopeful. Janus took a breath, acknowledging that this was his first time initiating contact since he’d arrived, and grabbed Remus’ hand. The surprise on the other’s face was almost enough to make him laugh. He pulled the younger to his feet, keeping a firm hold in Janus’ hand. And… that was okay. 

Until it wasn’t. 

The second his feet touched the sand, it was like alarm bells exploded behind his eyes. He couldn’t describe it, but it felt wrong. It gave in too much, light sprinkles of sand covered the top of his feet and instantly every nerve was on high alert. He ripped his hand from Remus’, stumbling backwards onto the grass again. The elder spun to him with concern.

“Snakey? What happened?”

“I- hmm, no. I can’t. Nope. No no no. Wrong. It… hmmmm. Can’t.” The last word dragged out as his brain seemed to disconnect from his mouth. His mind didn’t work, so focused on how every blade of grass was swiping along his soles too softly, too gentle, too much. His hands had curled into fists and he was fighting against everything inside him to scream bloody murder, because oh god the wind was brushing the hair onto the back of his neck and it tickled and make it stop make it stop!

Janus could vaguely hear someone shout, and the loudness floored him. Get away, get away, it’s too much it’s too much. The feeling of the grass was gone, and he was sitting on his beach towel, but the wind was still brushing his hair too much, so he grabbed at it uselessly, begging it to stop, stop, stop. 

“What’s happening?” Roman.

“Is he okay?” Patton.

“Does he look okay?” Virgil.

“Janus, breathe. You’re safe.” Logan.

 Yeah, he knew that. He knew, objectively, that the wind isn’t out to get him and grass doesn’t hurt and sand isn’t supposed to fry your nerves. That didn’t change the fact that it did for him. Somewhere in the back of his mind, it connected that they were seeing him have a meltdown, finally. But he couldn’t focus on that, not when someone was touching his arm why are they touching my arm LET GO! 

He screamed now, he couldn’t hold it back anymore. His breaths were ragged and gaspy, hands ripping at his hair to try and stop the fluttering strands. Then there was a new sound, an engine, a boat, and with it came the deep bass of some terrible music and there were people shouting and his head was hurting, why was it hurting so bad?! New hands grabbed his wrists and he writhed, pulling back from the grip that was pulling his fists away from where they’d been hitting his skull, over and over, trying to just get his stupid brain to work. Come back to the present, ground yourself, do SOMETHING!

And then something was in his hands. 

His eyes peeled open (when had he shut them?) and he saw the dark blue stress ball, almost crushed between his fingers. The hands were gone from his wrist, and he took a deep breath, relaxing his hand and watching the slime filled toy slowly return to its natural shape. It was just like one from his drawer, the first stim toy he’d ever gotten. Familiarity. He kneaded it under his fingers, enjoying the comforting texture, the color soothing to his sensitive eyes. Bit by bit he felt himself relax, still holding the toy inches from his face between stiff hands, letting his legs unfurl. Without thinking, he raised a shaking hand to his chin and did the sign for ‘water’, and immediately regretted it. It was just such a habit around his parents, the only other people who had seen him break down to this extent, how could he be so-

He flinched as a water bottle was pressed into his raised hand, the lid already taken off. The water was so good, settling his senses and grounding him, like he’d been in hyperfocus before and it was dulled now. He gave the stress ball another squeeze, captivated by the way the slime moved, not even flinching as someone snapped in front of him.

Looking up for the first time, his first instinct was to crawl into a hole and die. Logan was sitting in front of him, slowly putting the cap back on his water bottle before handing it back to Patton, who was standing just behind him. Roman and Virgil had begun packing the chairs and bags agonizingly slowly and quietly. Impressive; they were almost done and he hadn’t noticed until now. He turned to his left and his heart completely shattered. Remus was sitting statue still, a few feet away, with a look of pure fear in his eyes. He sat on the edge of his knees, like he wanted to pounce forward and hug him but was holding himself back. He appreciated that. 

Logan snapped again and Janus turned back.

‘Better?’ He signed slowly. 

‘You know sign?’ Janus responded weakly, confused. 

‘Patton too. I go nonverbal as well. Are you okay?’

The younger nodded, returning his hands to the stim toy on his lap. ‘Yours?’

‘Yes.’

“Is he okay?” Remus whispered suddenly, drawing their attention. He looked so scared, like anything could break Janus and he was scared he would cause it. Oh. Did he think he caused this?

‘Not his fault.’

Logan looked between the two, a look of confusion settling in his face. “What?”

‘Not. His. Fault.’ He signed sharply, a frustrated hum emitting from the back of his throat. ‘Not his fault!’

“Remus, he’s saying it’s not your fault. What does that mean?”

“I- I took his hand, and then this happened…” Remus started, leaning back onto his feet ashamedly, “If that wasn’t the cause, what was?” 

‘Sand.’

Logan’s eyes filled with understanding, and he responded, ‘Sand?’ as if to double check that he got the right sign. Janus nodded again, slightly thankful for the mute state he was in. He wouldn’t be able to explain this as well as Logan would. 

“If I’m understanding right, then my first assumptions were correct. Janus, did you just experience a sensory overload?”

Janus could only nod, meeting his eyes shakily. This is the moment. Now is his segway. If Logan wasn’t already suspicious, he surely was now. And he’d rather not have to explain, or come up with some half assed excuse if he was confronted later on why sinking his foot into sand had made him break. 

 ‘I’m autistic.’ He fingerspelled it, not knowing what the sign was, or if there even was one. There was a beat of silence, the twins and Virgil exchanging puzzled looks, and Janus couldn’t even bear to look at the two people who would have understood. All his fears came rushing back. Would they think he was lying, or seeking attention, or or or-

“Oh, sweetie,” Patton crooned, sitting cross legged beside Logan, “We thought maybe… well, the possibility came up in conversation before. Lo was the one who brought it up.”

“Yes. Though our experiences differ, you seemed to exhibit symptoms that are common to the ASD spectrum. I thought it feasible, but did not wish to offend or frighten you by mentioning it.”

“We thought that if you were autistic, it would be yours to tell us,” Patton smiled softly. 

“Wait,” Remus interrupted, “Janus, you have autism?”

Janus’ nervous glance up must have been enough to clue the rest of the group in, because Roman sighed and ducked his head into Virgil’s shoulder while Logan messily signed something which roughly translated to ‘how dense can someone be’. Jan couldn’t tell if it was a joke or not, but he cracked a smile anyways.

“Shit. Dude, I’m so sorry,” Roman murmured into Virgil’s shirt, “All the times I made fun of you for not joining us or anything, that was way out of line. I truly apologize.”

The youngest gave him the worldwide gesture for ‘it’s okay’; not exactly ASL, but it got his point across. Everything was packed up now, and Janus realized the implications.

‘Home?’ He asked Logan, eyebrows scrunched together.

‘Yes. You need to rest.’ He was right, he was exhausted. Getting to his feet along with Patton and Logan, he reached down to grab his towel, only for it to be promptly swooped up by Roman.

“I… I got it. Don’t worry about it. Okay?”

As soon as Roman turned his back, Janus couldn’t help his heavy sigh. This was another reason he had refrained from telling anyone. He didn’t want to be seen as a burden, or worse, a child. He didn’t need help with menial tasks like grabbing a towel. Virgil and him lifted all the belongings again, with less complaining this time, and began the short trek to the truck.

‘He’s not babying you,’ Logan signed, as if reading his mind, ‘He’s just guilty. If you want my advice, get as much out of it as you can.’

“Logan!” Patton chastised, failing miserably at hiding a smirk.                            

“Guys?” Remus’ uncharacteristically timid voice prompted them to turn back, “Could I talk to Janus for a sec?”

“You understand he is unable to speak at the moment, correct?” Logan raised an eyebrow, probably coming off more harsh than he meant to. 

“I know. Just… please?”

The other two shared a knowing look that Janus didn’t understand, before Logan turned to Janus. “Is that okay?”

The youngest nodded, watching over his shoulder as the lovebirds joined hands, leaving him and Remus alone. When he met his eyes again, he was standing much closer, eyes searching nervously.

“Maybe this will actually be easier since you can’t talk,” he laughed, before his face fell dramatically, “Fuck, that’s not what I meant. I’m such an idiot, I didn’t mean-”

Janus held up a hand quickly, as if to say ‘it’s fine, settle down’, holding back a snicker. He’d understand if someone was upset by the comment, but he’d learn to take Remus’ jokes lightly. He never meant to actually offend, sometimes he just… blurted without intending to. He rolled his finger in a ‘keep going’ motion.

“Shit. Okay,” He’d never seen Remus blush, or stumble over his words before. Not like this, at least, “Now, don’t feel obligated to say you feel the same or anything, okay? This is just, my feelings, and mine alone,” A deep breath, “I like you, Snakey. I like you a lot. More than… more than a friend.”

Oh.

Oh.

Janus was ninety percent sure he died right then and there. But Remus kept going, tripping over his words in a way that was so unlike him, and yet so perfect.

“I have for a while. I never said anything because I thought, maybe you disliked me? After today though, I think… well, maybe I was misinterpreting those signals. Like I misinterpreted today. That you didn’t want to be around me, no matter how hard I tried.”

Okay, Janus took it back. He wanted to be able to talk now, but his voice came out as another low hum, and he slapped his hand over his mouth, embarrassed. Remus pressed on, unfazed. 

“Snakey, I swear to you, that you having autism doesn’t change those feelings at all. It’s not a bad thing, or a flaw, it’s just you. And everything about you is amazing, and perfect, and this is just another thing I get to learn about you. Any fears you had around telling us, telling me, you don’t need to have them.”

He’d never felt this kind of feeling before. In that second, he knew for a fact that this wasn’t a crush that he had on Remus. That wasn’t possible, because a crush had never made him want to break his social barriers like this. A crush had never made him want to make an exception, to stand on his tip toes and kiss him, even if the thought of a new touch usually caused goosebumps to rise on his arms. Because he felt so safe, so blissfully numb, so comfortable with Remus, that he’d be willing to give it a try.

This wasn’t a crush. This was-

“I love you,” Remus whispered, his statement accompanied by a large shaky breath.

He couldn’t say it back, not right now. Later, he would. For sure. Maybe a hundred times. So he did what he’d never thought possible and took that step forward, breaking his bubble that he’d always thought to be unbreakable. 

It’s okay. You’re okay. This is okay. 

For once, he actually believed it.

Janus reached a hand up, slowly, and rested it on Remus’ face. It wasn’t light, he couldn’t do half touches. It was solid, warm, real. Not a tickling touch that made him twitch, or a brush by that stole the very breath from his lungs. The positive response affirmed his will power, and he leaned up onto his tip toes. Remus looked absolutely stunned, but he didn’t pull away, he couldn’t if he tried. His breath caught in his throat as the elder glanced down, an unmistakable look to his lips.

Had Remus always had those green flecks in his eyes?

And he kissed him. Janus surged forward, pressing their lips together harsher than he’s intended, pulling a small gasp out of Remus. There was a whoop from the vague direction of where they’d parked, followed by a loud smack, and Janus couldn’t help the smile that tugged at his lips.

Remus’ hands were clasped at his chest, unmoving, probably afraid that if he touched Janus wrong, this would all be over. He’d have to explain half touches later. For now, he took one of his hands in his free one and guided it around, pushing it into the small of his back until Remus got the message to keep that pressure. He let out a small sigh through his nose, an action that sent a new round of butterflies exploding in the younger’s stomach.

This is okay. 

This is all going to be okay.

[shrikeofficial]

📌✨🏳️‍🌈🎥💎

📌 how did you find your hyperfixation?

TUC: I actually found out about tuc after finishing the hunger games trilogy when I was about 10 or 11. I loved that trilogy so I was just HUNGRY for more good books and I really hoped the author had written other series that could hook me. Of course I saw tuc was ~for kids~ and had giant talking animals so I almost didn’t give it a chance but um. IM SO FUCKING GLAD I DID. Bc this series is damn BRILLIANT. Wouldn’t unread it for anything!!! I love it so so much.

Hanako: just found it recently actually!!! Right after episode 1 aired. I saw the anime’s art style and was immediately enraptured. Decided I would watch it even if the story ended up sucking bc the art was so gorgeous (and hanako’s seiyuu is megumi ogata). TURNS OUT I love aidairo’s art style even more than the anime’s (but they’re both amazing don’t get me wrong) also the story is SSOOO GREAT AND THE CHARACTERS ARE AWESOME SO I WAS IN FOR SUCH A TREAT. I’m so lucky....

✨ what draws you towards your hyperfixation? what is interesting about it?

TUC: there are honestly so many things I love about TUC. The characters are so lovable and dynamic. The plot is engaging and paced well. The story integrates lots of dark, important and deep themes while also being innocent enough to be marketed as a children’s book. You WILL be shocked at how dark it gets, I will just let u know. It’s so memorable and really leaves a unique feeling in your mind. The ending is one that I can never quite forget. But I think it really ended perfectly for the point it was trying to get across. (As painful as it is.) I could go on and on. I love the blurred line between “good” and “evil” and the very ambiguous characters on each side. Who is the REAL villain of TUc? Well I have my own theories, but you’ll just have to read it and find out for yourself. (Also, I love the progression of Gregor and Luxa’s relationship. It is so sweet and soft and pure and very comforting for me, and has been since I read the books when I was 10. ;W; ❤️)

Hanako: (I was first drawn to this series by the art, so I gotta just say that I am OBSESSED with aidairo’s art style.)

But I stayed for characters I absolutely adore, (all of the main four are my kids and I would do anything for them), and a really fun plot full of wacky hijinks, some time travel, fun comedy. And of course, (my favorite), an overlying plot of darkness, murder, and tragedy. I love the mystery of hanako and his past. The way they tease u with little hints and set up foreshadowing of future chapters and revelations is just //chef’s kiss// I love the way comedy is integrated through the story, so while it gets progressively darker, you can still have brief moments of reprieve and humor. Overall I find myself tearing up in one way or another almost every chapter. It really hits hard, honestly.

🎥 do you have any favorite scenes from your hyperfixation?

God I’ve got so many favorites I don’t even know how to choose. Also a lot of them are spoilers. So I’ll just try to pick moments from early on (like book 1 of tuc) to minimize that

TUC: Luxa’s entrance scene. Including getting out-smarted by a 2 year old.

When Luxa drinks the root beer “weapon”

Every instance of Gregor taunting Henry and Luxa. (I love him so much? He’s so realistic. I love that he has such a gentle heart but he WILL NOT let u mess with his friends and family. He can and will snark at u with deadly precision)

Honestly like every scene with Luxa in it. Luxa and Gregor slowly learning more about each other and coming to an understanding of each other’s differences? I.... love them so much ;;;

Speaking of, the scene where Luxa opens up about her trauma and Gregor thinks “he forgave her for everything in that moment. He even forgot why he needed to forgive her.” Why is he such a good boy? Anyway I’d do anything for them,

Hanako: hhdndndndmndhd like every moment? Uhhhh I love all of the moments when Hanako opens up about himself/his feelings. We need more of them.

Can’t say that one bc spoilers.... OR THAT ONE.... OKAY I GIVE UP JUST READ THE MANGA PLEASE

Also I love... hananene so like all their interactions make me tear up.

🏳‍🌈 do you have any headcanons (lgbt, race, neuro, etc) that are important to you?

TUC: I have SO MANY headcanons. But I’ll stick to a few. I love African American Gregor. I’ve also seen mixed race hcs for Gregor which are great too. Also Luxa has ADHD. I’m certain of this but I forgot what made me so certain. Just trust me on this tho

Hanako: My autistic Hanako hc is so important to me omg.... like I would go down with this hc

I have LOTS of headcanons ttho. About random things like Gregor’s amateur family band, Luxa’s hatred of airplanes, all Gregor’s overland friends infuriating Luxa with Rick rolls, and more

💎 are there any fun facts or trivia that you would like to share?

A lot of the ones I can think of have spoilers so I might skip out DJDNDNNDNCJC BUT

TUC: Luxa’s name comes from the word “lux” meaning “light” which is so coincidental bc she’s the light of my life. (Yeah I’ve made this joke like 20 times but it still hits for real)

Bats run into each other a lot, also, so u can just imagine Gregor and friends constantly crashing into other bats.

I lowkey wanted to call Chillie (stray cat I’m feeding) “ripred” but Chillie doesn’t have a very ripred-like personality tbh. I one day wanna have cats named Ripred and Twitchtip

Hanako: I can’t really think of any off the top of my head that aren’t spoilers IM SORRY. But my friend and I did come up with a whole warrior cats AU for hanako-kun so there’s a fun fact for u. Yeah we’re the most valid tbh

[punk-aziraphale]

Here's a good distraction. Tell me what you love about The Witcher. I've been planning on watching the show and want to hear your thoughts on it.

💗💗okay full disclosure I haven’t seen the last two episodes because I am TERRIBLE at finishing series because I don’t like things ending. So this is all minus the last two episodes. (i’ve been spoiled for most things tho because that’s how I prefer things lol whoops)

I started watching because I saw gifs of Geralt and I was like “oh. oh no. he’s....so hot.” and then saw that he and Jaskier are easy to ship and was like “alright, thirst watching it is!” But it was actually so good!

But past literally everyone being hot and it being a bisexual smorgasbord (and I’m not even really bi but lbr Yennefer can get it) I really liked the story as well.

It’s a really great example of how a story can be set in a sexist world but not be sexist, itself. None of the women are one dimensional, even the more minor female characters have nuances about them which is really nice to see in today’s fantasy genre thats been WAY too influenced by Game of Thrones. (that said there are way more boobs than there needs to be and not nearly enough (or any) of Geralt’s “lovely bottom” and I’m hoping that season two will get the hint that if we’re gonna get THAT much nudity that we want equal opportunity).

Next, Geralt himself. He’s a big dumb man whose feelings are stunted and yet I still ADORE HIM. he’s really bad at expressing feelings (which is just a witcher problem I guess *cough*he’s autistic*cough*) but he still clearly HAS them. He loves his horse, he’d prefer not to kill things if he can avoid it, he immediately gets attached to Yennefer, and even though he insults Jaskier he clearly loves him too (platonically or romantically it doesn’t really matter, he still loves him). It helps that he’s GORGEOUS and looks amazing in his big sexy armor and that his very rare smile is like the sun peeking out from behind rain clouds. (Excuse me while I channel Jaskier for a minute and wax poetic about Geralt) I love him a lot. I hope he gets to work through some of his emotional shit in season 2.

And now we come to Jaskier. He’s everything I ever wanted in a bard character to project on. He’s sassy, he’s cute, his clothes are BOMB and he’s an amazing singer (Joey Batey is singing voice goals tbh). He’s wildly bisexual and flirts with pretty much everyone. It isn’t stated in canon but Joey Batey said that Jaskier falls in love with everyone he meets so we can infer that he’s at least playing Jaskier as a hopeless romantic bisexual whose got a crush on everyone, which would, of course, include Geralt. I haven’t read the books (yet) so this is only from excerpts I’ve seen on here but their relationship isn’t the same as in the books (which is even easier to ship them with) and their show relationship is a little strained because Show!Geralt is emotionally constipated but they clearly care very very deeply for each other and Jaskier isn’t afraid to show it which is exceedingly endearing (and also heartbreaking a little. No spoilers but u might be really sad and pissed at Geralt after episode 6). He’s an overdramatic theatre kid with a lute and notebook to write poetry in and he’s perfect and I’ll fight anyone who says anything mean about him.

I would very much suggest watching it, just go in knowing that it’s not like the books or game if you’ve read or played them and that there’s a lot of tits and monster guts gore. But everyone’s pretty and it makes some great points about the shitty parts of society and all the main characters are lovable in their own ways. Oh it also time jumps a lot but no one really ages lmao so it’s kinda confusing at first, but you get used to it.

Also Roach is the best horse and I would die for her.

(Thank you so much this really helped me a lot to think about The Witcher instead of my anxiety and while I wrote this I got two polite responses from teachers so it gave me a great way to spend some of the time waiting to hear back thinking about my current hyperfixation instead of potential disasters 💗💗💗)