#like this was a person who was belittled most of his life with a crippling fear of failure

[ruby-red-inky-blue]

not tagging this because i'm not trying to be mean on main or anything but

i'm so glad The Bear wasn't one of those 'let me be obsessed with this for the next 1.5 months' type shows for me because GOD i've been to the tag once and these people are all insufferable

[nextlevelguydotcom]

Episode #157 Kenneth Play on how to leave your partner Beyond Satisified

Today's guest is Kenneth Play! 

Kenneth Play is an international sex expert and sex educator. Named the world’s greatest sex hacker by GQ, he has been featured by more than one hundred media outlets, including The New York Times, Men’s Health, Cosmopolitan, Huffington Post, and Nightline.

Kenneth has been a guest lecturer on female sexual pleasure at New York University and San Jose State University. His work has helped millions of men gain lasting confidence and competence. AskMen described Kenneth’s most recent course as having "at least one nugget of sexual learning you’ve almost certainly never encountered before, if not several."

Kenneth is an Asian immigrant with an average-sized penis who lived most of his early life with crippling sexual insecurity. Determined to overcome this anxiety, he dedicated his life to studying the complexities of academic sex research, exploring the mysteries of Tantra, immersing himself in the forbidden world of BDSM, and even joining the lustful chaos of underground sex parties.

His quest worked. Today, GQ calls Kenneth “the world’s greatest sex hacker,” Men’s Health calls him “the orgy king,” and he is now ready to tell you exactly what he has learned.

In Beyond Satisfied, Kenneth shares the sex hacking secrets he’s successfully taught millions of men. This book is a cross between Bruce Lee’s mixed martial arts approach and Tim Ferriss’ 80/20 rule—but for sex. Far from just another “find her clitoris” guide, Beyond Satisfied distills hard science and hands-on experience into techniques that any man can successfully put into practice.

In this book, you’ll learn scientific secrets that unlock her hidden orgasmic potential and gain a huge array of skills that will get you results—right now.

You will learn how to: ● Overcome performance anxiety like a world-class athlete ● Fulfill her naughtiest fantasies—by understanding her erotic mind ● Curate a ninety-minute orgasmic experience ● F**k like a beast with any size penis ● Help her experience squirting for the first time

With the system in this book, you can transform your sex life beyond what you thought was possible, beyond mind-blowing, beyond connected...beyond satisfied.

#KennethPlay #Sex #BeyondSatisfied #Jiggyjiggy #orgasm #orgasms #xxx #sexuallearning #levelup #author #newbook#sexualinsecurity #sexexpert #sexeducator #sexeducation

  Here are some key points that I would advise you to concentrate on

Sex is a skill that can be learnt, just like any other skillset. No one is born better, you just need to build on your skill level.

The best sex comes from a focus on what your partner is experiencing and enjoys.

Better sex can lead to a better connection with one another.

Kenneth felt his own internal shame when he started his own sexual journey, worried about his dyslexia, his penis size etc, and more. Stop belittling what you bring to the partnership, no matter the label you put on it, and give all of yourself to the other person or people and through true connection, the sex becomes so much better.

"Women aren't complaining about the size of men's dicks, they are complaining about how they use it!"

"Statistically most penis fit most vaginas."

We are not taught the techniques of sex or how to pleasure one another, sex ed only really focuses on the reproduction side of things. We need a cultural shift to teach people that pleasure is enjoyable and should be shared.

Sex is an emotional act, not just a physical act.

            View this post on Instagram

                        A post shared by Kenneth Play (@kenneth_play)

  "Watching porn to be a better lover is like watching the 'Fast and the Furious' to be a better driver". "There is a lot of difference between the meta verse and the real world."

"You are prioritizing her wellness" when you talk about consent and follow the rules.

"Most of the filthiest fantasies are written by women" ... their erotica really lets you see an insight into the type of sex and connection that women want in their life.

"Guys want to have a competitive advantage" so why not use such an amazing resource like Kenneth's book to learn the tactics to blow her mind during sex, and connect with her on a level that no one else ever has!

"Women respond to pressure better than friction, if you understand the fundamental principle of how orgasm works, and you edge her all the way there, you can learn how to unlock any lock (her orgasms) with your key (your penis!). "

You can see in how someone is breathing, in the changes in their micro-expressions to see how someone is enjoying something.

"You have to learn how to feel  and the feeling is not just feeling her but also your own body." You need to listen to her sounds, the subtle change in her face, her body, her muscles etc.

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                        A post shared by Kenneth Play (@kenneth_play)

  By showing her that you care and will pay attention, is mind-blowing to a partner, that you are not just out for your own needs, but want to share the pleasure and experience truly with each other.

"... the mutual pleasure is so mind-blowing  and guys under-estimate (so much) that it is like they are trying to steal a snack when they could have the restaurant".

Everyone doubts themselves, but top tier experts, feel the fear, and do it anyway. The fear will always be there, name it, tell it 'not today' and go for it.

After-care is one of the key things that you need to incorporate into your sex life, to connect and bond with one another.

"There is a beautiful balance between selfishness and selflessness in sex ... it is a dance between the two ... it is a flow of the energy between the two".

"It all comes down to more than what you say is how you behave like what you do".

Women are very good at being able to identify when you are not being truthful, so stop lying, be honest, and open and go for.

Create a play-lab, somewhere you can have sex, learn, grow, try new things and experiment and become a more skilled and connected lover.

Gauging arousal is like being a successful comedians, who tells a joke and feels the mood and emotion of the room, to see how things are working and not just tell a joke and not check if anyone laughed! So why would you do the same for the things you are doing in bed (etc) with a partner?!

Sex has a lot of levels that you can improve on: incl foreplay, oral, anal, fingering etc.

It is not a slap in the face of your masculinity to admit you can be better in bed. Why give up using an amazing resource like this and level up your sex life. Most women do not want to have to teach you how to be better in bed, so why not let an expert like Kenneth teach you how to level up quickly in all areas of sex!

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                        A post shared by Kenneth Play (@kenneth_play)

  Treat sex and her pleasure like taking her to a restaurant, you wouldn't expect her to be happy with going there and not getting her meal, so why would you expect her to be happy

Spend 15 minutes working on a technique each time, to keep leveling up your overall sex life, and aim to get better at least 1% in each area each time!

Check out this episode!

[thehomothings]

Analysis of Kite's conflicting moralities, relationship with death, and the toll reincarnation may take on one's psyche

So, today I decided to compile all the thoughts I have had about Kite's interesting worldview since the first time I saw him into one post, mostly for my own sake, really. If you're familiar with the few posts I've made, you know it's gonna be a mess, but hopefully a comprehensible mess.

A heads up, this is going to be spoiler-heavy, and very much deal with subjects of death and dying as a whole. Also, some of these conclusions are drawn from my own experiences and close brushes with death, I'm not going to go into much detail but it might get personal and definitely dark. I'm not even sure if I can call this a meta-analysis, and I'm obviously no expert, so mayhaps take all of this with a grain of salt.

Been getting into drawing lately, and during the more simple and mindless part of the painstaking process of dotting every single star in this, I let my thoughts wander through the latest part of the fic I'm writing, and I got a better grasp on what exactly made Kite such an elusive character to me.

I'm not quite sure why I got so attached to Kite. Perhaps it was the air of tragedy surrounding him, how despite his sordid past he remained still open and gentle even if outlined by a healthy dose of cynicism.

But sometimes, I think it's the fact that he is so paradoxical. He's brave, yet fears death to such a degree that creates a whole Nen ability around it, is a pacifist yet will not hesitate to spill blood for his own sake or someone else's. Despite the many ultimatums and warnings of 'I will not protect you', he gave his arm and then his life to save Gon and Killua. He approaches each hunt and battle with a clear plan of action in mind, but his Hatsu takes the form of a roulette that gives him random weapons which are never what he wants, but what he seems to need for that exact situation, which he cannot dispel without using. When he draws a weapon, the decision is locked in and his or his opponent's fate is sealed. That's why each time he dubbs his weapon a bad roll. Every time he has to gamble, he sees himself as having run out of luck. When it comes to having to choose between himself and somebody else...well, there had never been a choice. In fact his aversion to using it may feed into its sheer power that we, unfortunately, saw too little of.

Let's go over his very first appearance when he saves Gon from the mother Foxbear.

It's not hard to see the strain searching for Ging has put on him; he's rash, prone to anger and punching a child for daring to get into trouble. In his mind, he's failing at his most important task, has not yet earned the right to call himself a hunter despite being in possession of his very own hunter license.

After killing the mother Foxbear and raging about having done so, he says this interesting line:

So yes, he finds killing for any reason rather irksome as most would do, yet I think something deeper caused him to absolutely lose it in this scene:

He had not been aware of Gon's identity, and despite being an animal lover and a naturalist, he made a choice to save the human instead of allowing nature to run its course. In fact, he says: 'No beast that harms a human must be allowed to live.'

How does one weight one life against another? How is the worth of it determined? The value of life... an impossible choice he's faced with and a choice which he seems to regret to some degree.

The Foxbear cub.

Here, he's speaking from experience, a tangible loss he has felt himself, and a hard and bitter life he does not want to impose on the cub.

His backstory is exclusive to the 2011 anime adaptation but there are hints alluding to it in the manga, for example, the fact that he does not seem to know his birthplace, or:

The choice of words is chilling.

Reading between the lines, one could draw the conclusion that he is an orphan. Something supporting this hypothesis is how he visibly deflates after Gon tells him his parents have (presumably) died.

So we see he is willing to go against his own moral code of not killing as to not doom another living being to the life he led, a lonely, hopeless existence that could barely be called one. He saw it best to put down the cub rather than leave it to die a painful, slow death.

The reason Kite himself isn't as cynical and cold-hearted as one would be after witnessing cruelty in its rawest form is those small crumbs of human kindness which he may have found in Ging.

It was not only a chance at an honorable life being Ging's apprentice gave him, but it also 'saved' him from being broken and twisted into what he hated and worst of all, death.

If we take that one minute of backstory as canon to his character-which I find myself inclined to do- these quirks of his make much more sense. He lived on the run. He lived on the knife's edge between giving up or pushing forwards. He lived as so a wrong move could be the difference between survival and the end.

Between rock and a hard place creates a mentality of black and white, absolute good or extreme evil, this or that. Except in reality, it's much harder than that. Deciding who to save and who to strike down is a heavy burden to bear.

It's almost easy to see how struggling to keep surviving could lend itself to a crippling fear of death and subsequently developing a Nen ability which once more goes against his own moral code in order to give himself a second chance...yet something about it strikes me as unlikely when I look at it this way.

Living life knowing it could end at any moment has the opposite effect, at least for me it did. One comes to accept that it is fleeting and while not eager to let it go, when death eventually and inevitably does come, there is no fighting it.

Especially when there is no hope that tomorrow will be a better day than this one.

Frequent near-death experiences numb one's fear in a way, even if it drives them to take precautions that render it unlikely to happen again and results in c-PTSD, but still, it does. It sparks a certain nihilistic view of 'if it all can end so easily, then what's the point of it all?'

Unless there are things to live for, a sure promise of a better future, and Ging gave Kite that. When he faced the threat of losing his second chance at life:

Really, what else could lead someone to develop the ability of 'the hell I'm going to die like this'?

I think a separate event, an even more brutal near-death experience that almost cost him his life as the hunter he so strived to be set him off to develop the secret roll of Crazy Slots, what I call Roll No.0, Ars moriendi. Unlike other weapons, it cannot come up in random and is directly summoned by him, or better said, summon by his overwhelming will to keep going and hopelessness of fighting a losing battle. I don't believe roll No.3 was the weapon that allowed him to reincarnate. I've named that one Wand of Fortune, a sort of armor instead of an offensive weapon since I find it hard to believe Kite, a Conjurer, would not focus on defences as well, and I will go into both mechanisms of these weapons hopefully in his backstory.

Despite knowing this battle to be a pointless one and being acutely aware of his soon to be demise, he did not immediately draw Ars moriendi, no, he stayed back and fought for the sake of the boys, kept Neferpitou occupied until they could reach safety. We can see evidence of this in the aftermath of the battle that seemed to have gone on until dawn, a torn apart landscape only signaling a fraction of the devastation that was Kite's power unleashed. It still wasn't enough.

In the anime sub I watched, when Gon apologizes to Ging about Kite's death, Ging said a sentence that infuriated me, because it belittled the utter suffering of the NGL trio.

"He would not die in your place." (No screenshot, sorry)

And I remember practically shouting at the screen, screaming 'how could you possibly say that? Of course he did. He absolutely did die in their place. How could you not know your own apprentice? Why-'

It was only last night that it hit me why Ging would say that.

Once upon a time, maybe Kite would not have given his life for anybody under any circumstances, even if he had a way out of it all. He would still need to die to come back to life.

His Thanatophobia could be attributed to the (possibly untreated) PTSD of the near-death experience in his later life, being so certain of dying that finding himself alive afterwards drove him to never want to go through that again. He quieted his fear by creating a sort of a loophole, that even if he lost the battle he would remain. Ging remembered that, but as evidence shows, something changed. Maybe he healed a bit, perhaps growing up dulled his fear to a certain degree, but eventually when it came down to his life or another's, he didn't choose himself.

Now, I can hear you saying 'but he didn't die, so what are you going on about??' And so I reply: Yes, he is alive, but he did die. He experienced that painful, horrible moment of staring death in the eyes and thinking 'This is it, this is the end', went through the actual process of having his soul removed from his body. And that moment stretches into infinity, ten lifetimes condensed into the mere seconds before oblivion.

Dying isn't so hard if one stays dead.

It's not so easy to open one's eyes and find oneself alive again after that, no matter how much that is the heart's desire. It's difficult, nigh-impossible to reconcile with life and walk amongst the living when everything had been so final, when death had been accepted to its fullest.

So Kite awakens, the twin of Meruem and back from the dead, his mind and identity both intact and fractured. In that he is Kite is no mistaking, yet he is not the same gentle pacifist whose first reaction upon sensing a monster's aura was to shield two kids from it at the cost of his arm.

I don't think many of you are familiar with Zoroastrian ideology, but Togashi is known for loving his religious imagery, and it's not only Christianism he derives inspiration from (evidence of which can be seen all over Kite's character and resurrection).

In Zurvanism-a branch of Zoroastrianism- there is talk of the twin spirits: Ahura Mazda -epitome of all that is good- and Ahriman -epitome of all that is evil-, the parent god Zurvin decides that the firstborn may rule in order to bring "heaven, hell, and everything in between."

Upon becoming aware of this fact, Ahriman forcibly tears through the womb to emerge first. Sounding familiar yet?

Zurvan relents to this turn of events only on one condition: Ahriman is given kingship for 9000 years, and then Ahura Mazda may rule for eternity.

Meruem ruled for 40 days, his death leaving the throne vacant for ant Kite, wearing a dead girl's face and seeming to be brewing some nefarious plan. No more is there any sign of that unrelenting pacifism and the sanctity of life he held so high, losing his own may have only served to show him how meaningless the pain and suffering he went through had been, dying only to be reborn as a member of the species that killed him. It may be that he has no desire to rule over the remaining Chimera ants or create an army of his own-

Yet I dread to think what a broken mind possessing limitless power might do to the world.

And that's it. If you made it this far, thank you for reading! If you found it interesting, stay tuned, as I think a lot and I will make it your problem.

[silversodas]

Who is possessing Freddy/ What is Vanny/ major spoilers

I am trying to post theories separate, but these two bleed into each other, let’s start with Vanny, I think that the Vanny we encounter in the game is a manifestation or a flavor of poltergeist. We know that William Afton dominates Vanessa buy belittling her putting her in a state of obedience. Based on personal stories people have of being haunted by a poltergeist, the people most affected are the ones in the house with the weakest resolve. A person with inferiority issues from an abusive parent, or people who have been conditioned and expected to show to much obedience in their teen years, and hasn’t had a good effect on their adult life. It sometimes feeds into anger issues from inferiority (some of you may have herd of these stories)

Someone posted that when Roxy talks to herself and is crying in her room it’s almost like she is arguing with a voice in her head especially at the end when she hears Gregory

“Who’s there?” “Stop getting distracted and get back out there!”

That was a really weird and quick tone shift. Vanessa dosnt have any friends, or support system. In a recent post, I theorized that the animatronics, being characters personalities “brought to life” by the souls possessing them, and not remembering who they were. Being thought of as just a vary advanced A.I. , as a result, are being abused by being treated like things, and not seeing that they need validation and attention like a human does. This gives Afton room to feed into Roxy’s self doubt, and into Montys jealousy and violence tendencies (I have no idea about Chica, I might make a post about her another time) and sort of just trickle down whispers that make them lose their resolve allowing him control.

Sunny Drop&Moon Drop fit into this too. Poltergeist also thin resolve through fears and phobias, his “Sunny” disposition gives him a pretty good resolve, but his crippling fear of the dark gives him a pretty big chink in his armor. He only fears the dark because he loses himself and doesn’t come back too till the lights come back on. The intention of the day and night cycle is not really known, but it is intentional they decorate the place with stars and everything

The switch wouldn’t bother an A.I. But it would scare the shit out of someone with a human psyche. So is Moon a different person? I honestly don’t know, I wanna say he is still the same soul maybe just like how the moon represents the subconscious, of things that are hidden and feared, Moon Drop represents Sunnys subconscious. I feel like I am on the right track with that, but I don’t have a lot of details to back it

Vanny, is still part of Vanessa, but Afton uses his energy that he is leaching off of the pizzaplex, Vanessa and the animatronics to manifest Vanny as a poltergeist doing his bidding. Poltergeist, in some stories have the power to induce fear or rage. Vanny distorts reality around her the closer she gets to you, gives me the impression of influencing your perception of reality by making you afraid. And through out the game Freddy cannot see her, until he gets Roxy’s eyes, that is.

That’s Right! Roxy could see so well she could see Ghosts, apparently!

This brings us to who is possessing Freddy, Freddy has an incredible resolve seemingly not touchable by malice. I have herd the candidate’s being Michael or Even (crying child). Even does seem passive and kind, but Freddy just seems way to strong in spirit and he sounds like an older man with his inflections, like a father. A huge chunk of this theory technically belongs to DAGames YouTube channel and their song “Moving Up in The World Tonight” a fan song of Security breach give it a listen it fucking slaps!! In the video, they have lyrics in the assigned colors in the story. Purple lyrics to represent William and Gold lyrics to represent Golden Freddy but then their are lyrics in white text

Wait, white text? Why is the pure white room familiar? Wait! White Guy!

I have only herd of him so I looked him up, his name is Aisu Snow, he was the original creator of the first Freddy Fazbare family dinner. Guys this guy sounds so much like GlamRock Freddy. He wanted to build the restaurant because his daughter Crystal got bullied for her characters she makes up, so Aisu decided to make a restaurant with her characters being the animatronics, and seeing that time and money was put into the project, the kids wouldn’t think they were dumb. That just sounds so proactively sweet. Their is a long list of shit this guy goes through, what’s interesting is that he tried to comfort everyone he could up until his murder. He wanted peace, after his death he woke up in a room of pure white and a voice told him he had to keep the peace at the restaurant. And was described in personality as the nicest person you could ever meet after his death, before death he was weighed down, but even then he tried to help and comfort everyone when he was just as much a victim of Aftons shit

That’s exactly what GlamRock Freddy does, he isn’t against anyone except Afton. He acts as a peaceful ally always trying to keep the peace. If he is Aisu, it would explain this part of the unmasked ending

He looks at all of these toys with such heart braking reverence and then suddenly makes the most aggressive decision we have seen from him. HE BURNS DOWN THE PIZZAPLEX!! Confronts Vanny on the roof and attacks her, it’s worth pointing out that he still tackled her off the roof after she put her hands up and surrendered. It’s like he was planning on taking them both out. Destroying Vanny and freeing Vanessa. (I don’t think he knew about Vanessa and Vanny but it’s still a bonus) If Freddy is Aisu, this ending just got a lot sadder. It shows a heartbroken man seeing his daughters beloved creations that he helped bring to life being used as glorified Venus fly traps and hoping that destroying it all will be the end of it. BUT! That doesn’t explain the confusing lines in the true ending when you get to the Milton Freddy blob and that mirrored line “I am not Me”

I think this is another part of the theory from the song, after the verse with the white text and white room, the next verse is sung in a mock GlamRock Freddy Voice (showing it’s now his point of view) and in gold text

Yeah, despite his resolve Freddy does seem to be struggling with fighting Aftons influence. I think the song is trying to show that he either is Aisu, or he is protected by a blessing form Aisu. That’s probably why Safe mode saved Freddy and made him shut down. Aisu is the safe mode, but there is only so much he can do. So be careful of the wires and don’t ride in Freddy while his battery is low. I am still not sure who he could be, but I do get the feeling he is possessed by an adult

[namjoonchronicles]

healing | yg

↳ genre fluff, domestic, established relationship ↳ words 1.9k ↳ summary Yoongi maybe the worst in projecting his emotions, but his actions don’t lie ↳ warning suggestive content ↳ song james arthur ‘let me love the lonely’ ‘safe inside’ ‘can i be him’ ‘certain things’

“I would do anything to forget.” “And I would do anything to remember.”

The second male lead actor bore a wounded expression on his handsome face. The female lead actress was unapologetic and relentless to his heart. She swore that forgetting that she ever loved him is the only way to go on with her life. But the actor finally remembered all the love they had before he loses his memories as a result of an accident orchestrated by his step mother. He pretended to not remember just to know how she really felt about him. She said enough. Yoongi gawks at the screen. “Does that even make sense? How can he stay silent after that? How can he be okay with just that? What a load of bull--” His phone vibrates just as he is about to curse. With his wife’s picture flashing on the screen, he wipes his hand on his flannels and refastened the velcro straps of his arms to secure them back on. “Hello?”

“Hey sweetie, what are you doing?” “Watching that episode was a mistake, why would they ruin the story like that, everything was going just fine, I don’t understand…” You chuckled at your husband’s adorable whines, and “How far in were you?” “Joonsoo told Bora that he wanted to remember…Ah! I am so upset, I am not going to watch the rest of the episode… I don’t care…” “But you have to see what happens after that! A little spoiler for you…” you sang and he replied, “Ah! Ah, no. Don’t tell me what happens. No!” “She knew that Joonsoo’s memories came back, but she is doing that to follow Joonsoo’s mother's instructions…” you told him anyways. Yoongi leans back into his chair and it wobbles back and forth at his weight. He swiveled away from the screen, holding the phone close to his ear and he sighed out loud. “Why did you call me?” “I am just walking out a fried chicken hawker stall and was wondering if you’d like some but I remember your doctor saying you can’t have oily food… so that’s cancelled.” His wife is a tease. All she does is tease. Yoongi left his home studio and walked down the hallway to the living room. He then revealed to you that he found your gastric medication laying around the cabinet with several pills gone. Yoongi had always been so attentive towards things like these. Ever since he had to stay home longer than usual because of his shoulder surgery, he is policing you around with his keen eyes. He found out that you don’t really take care of yourself as well as you told him you were. There were antacids, antiemetics and all kinds of painkillers he found in the medicine cabinet that weren't his. This was alarming, at least to Yoongi. “You’re telling me that you crawled to work despite having gastric two days prior?” he scolded you with a low monotonous voice, pinky pushing the blisters away to see just how much you’ve been taking behind his back. “It’s nothing to worry about, it’ll go away soon… I learn endurance from the best,” you pushed your tongue to cheek, leisuring down the pedestrian walk area, pouting hard at your husband. “You’re talking back at me,” he scoffs, “I taught you that? I guess it's fair… Have you eaten?” You didn’t eat because you don’t have the appetite. After the gastric attack happened, you have been vomiting every time you ate, and your throat burns every time from the acid reflux. “Eating is terrifying…” you confessed. Yoongi poked his head into the refrigerator after the call ended. He took out leek, dried lavers, and whatever he could find in the fridge to start a small dinner. And he did them all with one hand. It wasn’t easy. The carrots were roughly chopped and the potatoes are barely peeled properly. It’s the best dish to take after gastric. He took a couple cups of rice and had them washed under running water. He measured the water and threw in a thumb-sized ginger so it got cooked together. He doesn’t say it out loud, but he really enjoys cooking. He was raised in a house that always belittled women's chores and because of the whole ‘boys shouldn’t cook’ agenda, he was more curious than ever in the kitchen. It comes naturally to him. He would secretly help his mom cook and prepare food to sell in school during the day. It remains one of the memories he is most fond of. He doesn’t really like telling people out loud how he feels. It was something  you both had in common. Coming together was difficult. It was like a race to the end, who will clamor up or who will fall apart faster, to you. Yoongi was determined to keep his emotions sealed in his dungeon called heart. Which was ridiculous, because everyone knows, the more you try to hide your feelings, the louder it is. He doesn’t say ‘I love you’ like normal people. His ‘I love you’s’ are scattered all around you. It was in the walls he painted and in the bookshelf he helped build. It’s in the picture of the milky way he took and in the pile of bandages he bought you when you sprained your ankle. They say, the eyes are windows to the soul. Yoongi had never looked you in the eye. It’s like he runs away from the things he wants the most. It almost made you give up. Seeing how the feelings aren’t verbally reciprocated almost made you leave. Winter, several years ago, “For Yoongi-hyung, you have to force it out of him…” Taehyung advised. “I don’t want to force him…” you sighed, “What if he does this to all his girl friends?” Taehyung stared at you dead in the eye with a cunning smile. “What does your heart tell you?” He asked. “My heart had been wrong before,” You shot back. Taehyung suddenly turned his attention to his phone, his face shone by the light from the screen and he smirked, “If he doesn’t, would he be running all the way up here at this time?” Just then, Yoongi bursted through the door. Chest heaving up and down, eyes blown wide, mouth gaping. His eyes darted to Taehyung and then to you. “You know he won’t leave his bed for anything…” Taehyung glances at you with a knowing smile, “What could this mean?” He feigned a surprised face at you and walked towards the door at Yoongi. And even then, he wouldn’t confess. “You love me, right?” you asked him. “It’s already so late…” “Please answer me…” He appeared conflicted. “Min Yoongi, you don’t love me?” “I… Let’s not do this…” “I think you do… Everyone knows you love me, everybody. Everyone, but you…” “Let’s talk in the morning…” At that time, Yoongi is afraid of commitment despite never really having problems actually committing. His past relationship didn’t go so well because he felt inadequate. And for that, he feared karma. He left the last one because he didn’t think he could be a good person for her. He was bound by depression, crippling sadness and fear so great, it left him in shambles. Being in a relationship back then made him feel like a boulder to a smooth sailing ship. He felt dragged along. He was responsible for two hearts and it felt a lot at the time. He knows just how much hurt he caused her and he knows that karma will come after him. That’s why when he fell for you, his first reaction was to be defensive. He doesn’t want the same hurt to happen to you. Because, what if he hurts you?

“And if I tell you I don’t care?”

The winter arrived on schedule this year. You shivered as you walked into your house. Yoongi is still in the kitchen, turning off the stove. “You didn’t rest like I told you to!” “How could I if you were not eating… I rested for a surgery and couldn’t cook ever since I returned, and you are already getting gastric from not eating…” You helped Yoongi carry the soup on the table. And you scooped him his rice. He was right. Your appetite went down ever since you had to cook on your own. His cooking has always been the thing you look forward to when you return home, but now, you don’t feel like eating because it’s always the same food over and over again. “Does it taste good?” He asked, lovingly. His eyes oozing fondness. “So-very good…” you said with a mouthful. “I have to shower after this… I am sweating so much,” he spoke to his bowl of rice. You unbuttoned his shirt and carefully slid the long sleeves down his arm. You keep glancing up his face to see if he is in any type of discomfort. His ears were the first to turn bright red and he had been biting his lower lip ever since you started undressing him. That wasn’t alarming. The strange thing about Yoongi is that he giggles or laughs when he is in pain. No giggles is fine. No smiles are good. By the time you took off his flannel buttoned up shirt, his face was bright red like he had been drinking whiskey. You couldn't help but smile when he gets sheepish like this. He looks like a sheep ready for the slaughter room. Next thing to come off is his trousers. The bath is ready and he climbs in. You went to the cabinet and showed him two bath bombs he could choose from. He wanted the lavender one. You always liked how it smells. Yoongi sat docile in the middle of the bath, while you swept his hair back and dabbed his face with a dampened towel. Then you move to his back and wipe along the spine, carefully avoiding harsh movements around the stitches on his shoulder. “The stitches are coming together nicely,” you spoke in whispers. Just the sound of the water dripping into the pool was heard. Yoongi let out an encouraging, “Is it…” “The skin around it is not swollen, and its closing up prettily,” you gushed, “At this rate you can start physical therapy around next month...?” “That’s nice to hear…” He hums happily, “I had been feeling rather helpless, and shackled, and unable to work at the speed I used to.” “Hence,” you started with a scolding tone, “Take care of yourself better from today onwards. Everyone frets around you, worried and bustling over you. Coddling you like a baby…when you get hurt like this, you worry everyone. Why did you keep quiet about this pain for so long…This type of perseverance is inhumanly. What are you… a saint?” He chuckles. You took off your own shirt and garments. Yoongi mashed his lips together, stealing glances on your body and when you climbed in the same tub and started washing yourself, he started to gather all the foams. “That’s why, stop hurting yourself…” you repeated your warning, unhooking your bra and throwing it on the marble floor next to your crumpled heap of blouses and trousers. Yoongi sighs. Loudly this time. “What is it now…” you blinked at him. “I want to get well faster… I missed unhooking your bras with my own hands…” 

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Copyright © January 6th, 2021 namjoonchronicles do not repost, and thank you for reading! Likes and reblogs are free!

[dreamwithoutreason]

Really need people to understand that there is a difference between your diagnosis being stigmatized (what usually happens with mental illness) and your diagnosis resulting in you being subjected to ableism (disability) because those two things are a bit different and the distinction is important.

I want to start by saying that I am in no way attempting to minimize the struggles that mentally ill people face. I am mentally ill and have depression, anxiety, and ADHD as well as a physical disability, Cerebral Palsy. The line between the struggles of people with mental illnesses and the struggles of disabled people is thin but there is still a line. I just want to highlight some of the ways that disabled people are especially discriminated against in a world built and run by abled people and how that can be different from how mental ill people experience alienation or stigmatization. These differences are also why I think that comparing a mental illness to a disability can be problematic. I am, however, also aware that there is overlap and that some diagnoses can be considered to have a foot in both arenas, this is in no way meant to be a hard and fast rule. I also don't claim to speak for the entire disabled community but a lot of the things under the ableism list are things that I've experienced myself which is the place that this post is coming from. I want people to realize that ableism is more than stigmatization and that it is engrained in the world that we live in.

Stigmatization comes from people misunderstanding your illness and how seriously it can impact you and your life. I would consider stigmatization to be things like:

People using your diagnosis as an insult or joke, further stigmatizing it. Ex: When ppl say things like "I'm so ocd" or "I'm so bipolar"

People ignoring your symptoms or attributing your symptoms to your character. For example, instead of recognizing the symptoms of your illness like executive dysfunction, someone might just call you lazy.

General lack of understanding or sympathy towards mentally ill people

Lack of accurate representations of mental illnesses in media. Most of the time the character with the mental illness is made to be the villain or antagonist. Once again, very stigmatizing and gross.

Also, for both mentally ill and disabled people it can sometimes be difficult or expensive to get the right medications you need.

Examples of everyday ableism and systematic ableism that's ingrained in our society which particularly affects disabled people include:

Someone using derogatory language to belittle and degrade your existence as a person. It positions you as less than. Can often be a targetted, direct attack at a disabled person. Ex: the r slur, words like "cripple", and using "deaf", "blind", or "disabled" as insults.

Mocking the way someone walks, moves, speaks, or exists as a disabled person.

No one taking you seriously because you are disabled/being subjected to infantilization. People assuming that you can't do anything for yourself.

Able-bodied people assuming the needs of a disabled person without asking them. Often this comes from a place of trying to be helpful but make sure you always ask what you can do to accommodate someone before assuming what they might need help with because it can be infantilizing

Example: I've had a lot of people assume that I need help putting on a jacket or getting my shoes on so they automatically start helping me with it and they basically end up treating me like a child because they assume that I can't do something.

People touching you or your equipment or mobility aids without your consent. Mobility aids can be like extensions of our body so do not touch them without our permission. This urge to violate a disabled person's space comes from the subconscious assumption that disabled people don't have their own autonomy.

Example: many times when I was a full-time wheelchair user people would come up behind me and just start pushing my wheelchair without asking or saying anything. Their intention was to help me get where I was going but it was very jarring to suddenly start being pushed without asking.

Being denied a job because you are disabled.

Job applications including physical ability requirements for non-physical or desk jobs to discourage disabled people from applying. Ex: "must be able to lift [x amount] of pounds"

Being denied the accommodations you need to be able to function in a school/work/home/other environment.

Lack of captions or audio descriptions

Being expected to work and move at the same pace as your peers all of the time.

Constantly feeling the need to "prove" yourself to the abled majority.

The idea that being abled is the ideal and that you need to do everything in your power to try to be as close to abled as possible. The idea that you shouldn't be comfortable with your disability. The notion that being disabled cannot be a whole or fulfilling identity.

A good example of this that people don't often think about are the viral videos that are like "Sally worked for months so that she could [struggle] to walk down the aisle at her wedding! Isn't that sweet?" Or the videos of kids feeling pressured to walk across the stage at graduation. These videos imply that struggling to perform ability is somehow better than being comfortably disabled.

The idea that disabled people can't be desirable, attractive, or sexy. The idea that they don't make good romantic partners.

Using disabled people as inspiration porn. This happens a lot with viral videos of disabled people where the comments amount to "if they can live with a disability, then you have no reason to complain about your life!" Disabled people do not exist to inspire you.

Also another personal example but one time in gym class I did more push ups than a girl who was able-bodied so she got all defensive and said "well if she can do that many then I'm gonna do more!" Like girl.... anyways...

Having to jump through a million hoops to get disability benefits. Or being denied disability benefits for arbitrary reasons.

Also once you get disability benefits it's barely anything. Also when you're on benefits you're not allowed to save up money and if you get married you lose benefits. I could make a whole other post about how disabled people are expected to live off of nothing but...

MOBILITY AIDS ARE SO EXPENSIVE HOLY SHIT

The world was built by and for able-bodied people. Architectural/environmental ableism occurs when there are no ramps, no accessible bathroom stalls, no elevators, no disability parking spaces, and/or no space for wheelchairs/mobility aids in public places.

This also happens a lot with public transportation. When I tried using the metro with my friends in DC, I had to have a security guard help me get down the escalator because there wasn't an elevator nearby. Right before I got on it, I saw a man force his wheelchair onto the escalator.

A smaller example but it can be as small as there not being a sidewalk ramp. One time I couldn't even cross the street because there was no sidewalk ramp and I was in a wheelchair. Once again, the world was built by able-bodied people.

Eco-ableism. It's when disabled people aren't considered when it comes to environmental activism. The best example of this is the straw debacle that happened last year. Every abled person and their mama wanted to complete ban plastic straws without acknowledging that a lot of disabled people need to use blendable, flexible plastic straws.

Another example that I've witnessed myself has been with automatic doors. I've had to tear down signs at my university that were put on automatic doors that said "save a polar bear, use the other door". Stop blaming disabled people's survival for environmental issues and blame big corporations.

Almost a complete lack of disability representation in media. Disabled kids don't have many people who they can look up to. I know I didn't have any.

The ableism that comes from abled parents of a disabled child.

For years I was told inaccurate information about my disability by able-bodied people, including my mother. It was only when I started researching my disability myself that I actually began to understand it.

Related to the previous point, lack of information or knowledge about certain disabilities

People assuming that just because someone is in a wheelchair that they can't move their legs or walk. This feeds into the idea that disabled people are "faking" their disability. The idea that someone is "faking" can lead people to be attacked or have people tell them that they don't "deserve" things like benefits or parking spaces.

People who straight up pretend they don't see us. I've had so many people try to cut me in line over the years just because they didn't think I would say anything or wanted to pretend they didn't see me.

I have friends who have delayed speech as part of their disability. If you know someone who has delayed speech or a stutter, don't fucking cut them off or try to finish their sentences for them. It's super rude and disrespectful.

DON'T FUCKING SAY THE R WORD. DON'T SAY IT! DON'T SAY IT EVEN IF YOU ARE DISABLED! THE R WORD IS SO ABLEIST AND STIGMATIZING STOP SAYING IT! DON'T PUT IT IN YOUR WRITING EITHER!

Lastly, about half of people killed by police have some sort of disability or mental illness. Disability is intersectional and it's important when talking about things like the BLM movement, women's rights, lgbtq+ rights, etc.

Hope this helped you learn something about ableism and how prevalent it is!

[reaperalexiel]

Post Blue Sky Wheatley Headcanons

(For future writings.... if i ever get around to it.)

Thought I'd post for those who are interested.

Because of lack of human contact, he always twitches or jerks whenever someone touches him. However, he loves physical assurance and contact and always recovers from it.

Loves to cuddle or hug Chell.

Always initiates the hug, unwanted by recipient or not.

Has discovered the sight of blood makes him squeamish, especially his own, but not as bad as heights.

Never goes outside on a rainy day if he can help it, too much water.

Cold water? Forget it.

Because he is skinny as a rail, is always freezing. Hugs Chell a lot because she is like a living furnace.

Wears sweaters even in summer due to always being bloody freezing.

Wears business casual as his everyday attire, lots of sweaters though. The only things that really fit him without being too short in the arms or too loose. Vests for more formal occasions.

Sweater vests. End of discussion.

Has to wear velcro tennis shoes for a while due to being VERY bad at tying knots due to lack of experience at hands. Slip ons work too. Maybe gets tied shoes a couple of years down the road.

Endlessly fascinated with food. Eats a lot of bread and anything Chell makes regardless of how good it is. (Which 99% of the time is magnificent.)

Constantly has a fear of fitting in among Eaden residents for quite a while, but if he made more friends that might pass...

Ends up on Doc Victoria's table more than he would like. He is a walking accident. Always covered in bandages. She honestly doesn't mind. He doesn't know it, but she's a loner, but considers him one of her only friends.

Doc Vic is very stoic, even more than Chell, but seems to get a bit more open when Wheatley is around.

Wheatley is the only person who can make Victoria laugh. Everyone who sees him do this act as if he just gave a blind man sight after having his eyes pecked out.

Once Wheatley learns her name, he stops calling her "Dr. Eyebrows". Unfortunately for Victoria, EVERYONE ELSE starts calling her that. Especially Garret.

Wheatley is the only person who has accidentally made Victoria self-concious.

Speaking of impromptu nicknames, any nickname Wheatley calls someone will eventually be adopted by everyone else. He usually does this impulsively and doesn't even remember giving them this name. He'll hear someone call Garret "Cleverclogs" and ask who thought of that and reacts with bewilderment when told it was him.

He has this weird delusion thst being smart means you are happy and successful, probably brought on by limited interaction with scientists (and his own crippling anxiety)

Has mild anxiety that can lead to full-on panic attacks if he gets too lost to his fear.

Being exiled in space has made him a bit more self-aware, but learning the truth about his function and how he was programmed (rerouter) and what he had done have caused Wheatley to become more reflective in serious moments.

Is prone to hiding any crippling self- doubt or loathing so as to save face, but crumples like dry leaves and spills everything if prodded enough (especially Chell).

.....if he had friends who respected him, I honestly believe he would become extremely loyal. He's desperate for recognition and validation by peers and any kind action by someone means the world to him after the treatment he recieved in Aperture.

He may not be fearless, or the smartest (lol), or the strongest, or the quickest, or the most collected mental-wise. But he probably has the most genuine heart. Certainly the bravest, given his fear. But he faced Her and won, id call that brave.

He always HAS to try. Even if he KNOWS he's going to fail. He HAS to try. And even with all his failures, even with all the times he's run away, he ALWAYS comes back and tries again. In some way, he's almost as determined as she is (almost, no one is as determined as Chell).

He genuinely loves to help people.

He can empathize with most people because he's had a VERY eventful life.

Anxiety, self-loathing, guilt, depression, loneliness, paranoia, betrayal, abuse, worthlessness, etc... and a lot more.

His friends tend to open up to Wheatley more than other people. He comes off as naturally trustworthy (which he's gotten better at, being trustworthy i mean) and empathetic (which he is).

Wheatley loves to learn. The only problem is he has trouble differentiating if the knowledge he learns is USEFUL.

He learns a random set of skills with varying degrees of success.

Ex) -baking from Chell- not without supervision

-gets Victoria to teach him how to dress minor wounds (gets a lot of practice lol), she takes it a step further and teaches him how to do CPR (not very good at first) and how to splint (takes a long time, but he gets it)

He can't be taught other than one-on-one because of his focus issues. Anyone who teaches him has to have both patience and sole attention on him.

He often sucks at most things at first, but give him enough time and he'll become decent at it.

Wheatley's best skill is talking. He's had a lot of practice talking to himself in the facility. Also has a natural knack for it. Makes him an awesome radio DJ, which makes him somewhat locally famous. Some people give him the moniker, the "Voice of Eaden". Most people don't even know where Eaden is.

Aaron is somewhat always watching out for Wheatley, the unofficial mark of Eaden residency.

Garret loves to see what faces Wheatley makes when he's flustered.

Wheatley has the most expressive face.

He's also a total drama king.

Wheatley will only actively try to scorn or be mean to you if he feels you've belittled or threatened him in some way, rational or otherwise.

Wishes he didn't have to keep his real nature and past secret, but knows the consequences of Aperture knowledge falling into bad hands (plus Chell had a really long talk with him about not it being safer for everyone as a whole). Also people would think he was loony cause he's human now.

If someone DID find out about him and kept it to themselves, it would be a huge relief because now he doesnt have to worry about blowing it in front of this person anymore.

He sucks at lying, so he doesn't do it often. But is surprisingly good at keeping secrets, usually too scatterbrained to think about them anyway.

He's a good singer, but he's really shy about it and only sings to himself when no one is around. The scientists would tell him to shut up when he was a core when doing this. :(

If Wheatley got professional voice training, his voice would sound like BUTTAH. Mostly sings jazz.

Wheatley's favorite genre of music is jazz.

[purpledinosaur1988]

Ever been in one of those situations where you put your trust in the wrong person. Yeah me to. I used to be "friends" with this female who turned out to be TOXIC! She caused so many problems in my life to a point where she would use me to lie for her, watch her brat of a child. When I met my husband back in 2014, the toxic female would try her best to break me and him up. It was early days in our relationship and she would always expect me to drop everything including date night plans to help her out of sticky situations. After seeing the effects of how miserable I was being made to feel, my husband eventually got me to walk away from the toxic female and finally be happy. I felt so much better without being associated with her. We never spoke again, would avoid each other in public etc. Fast for to a few months ago, I was waiting on a bus to work, she approached me trying to use my child as a pawn to win back "friendship" by telling me that my son's nan had passed away, saying I was to unblock her as she missed me. Obviously I didn't unblock her from my socials and the next time I saw my son I asked his uncle how his mum (my son's nan) was and that I hadn't seen her in awhile, he answered saying she is still struggling with the whole pandemic but is much better than before. That cleared that up. The toxic female told me a malicious lie. I mean has she no better things to be getting on with than trying to get me to fall for her BS 🐂💩 again.

My life has improved massively over the years I have been with my husband, we met in 2014, engaged in 2015 & married in 2016. I don't have a big circle of friends and I am okay with that as I would rather surround myself with those who are positive influences to me. Those friends hold a special place in my heart ♥️ I have my 2 best friends who I have been friends with since high school so they are more like Sisters to me.

If anyone feels there are red flags in your life with certain people. Please don't ignore them as you deserve to be happy.

Signs to look out for

1. You feel on-edge around this person, but you still want them to like you. You find yourself writing off most of their questionable behavior as accidental or insensitive, because you’re in constant competition with others for their attention and praise. They don’t seem to care when you leave their side—they can just as easily move on to the next source of energy.

2. They withhold attention and undermine your self-esteem. After first hooking you with praise and flattery, they suddenly become reclusive and uninterested. They make you feel desperate & needy, ensuring that you are always the one to initiate contact or physical intimacy.

3. Plasters your Facebook page with compliments, flattery, songs, and poems. They text you dozens, if not hundreds of times per day. You come to rely on this over-communication as a source of confidence.

4. Quickly declares you their soul mate. And for some reason, you don’t find it creepy. They tell you how much they have in common with you. On the first few dates, you do most of the talking and they just can’t believe how perfect you are for them.

5. Compares you to everyone else in their life. Ex-lovers, friends, family members, and your eventual replacement. When idealizing, they make you feel special by telling you how much better you are than these people. When devaluing, they use these comparisons to hurt you.

6. Lies and excuses. There is always an excuse for everything, even things that don’t require excusing. They make up lies faster than you can question them. They will always blame others—it is never their fault. They spend more time rationalizing their behavior than improving it.

7. No startle response. Total absence of anxiety, fear, and worry where there otherwise should be. They are also very easily bored by the familiar. You write this off as calm and cool, often feeling inferior and over-sensitive because you have normal human emotions.

8. Insults you with a condescending, joking sort of attitude. Smirks when you try to express yourself. Teasing becomes the primary mode of communication in your relationship. They subtly belittle your intelligence and achievements. If you point this out, they call you hypersensitive and crazy.

9. Uses social networking to provoke jealousy and rivalries while maintaining their cover of innocence. They once focused all of their attention on you, but now they post ambiguous videos and statuses to make you doubt your place in their heart. They bait previously denounced exes with old songs and inside jokes. They attend to new activity and ignores yours.

10. You find yourself playing detective. It is never happened in any other relationship, but suddenly you are scrolling back years on their Facebook page and albums. Same with their ex. You are seeking answers to a feeling you cannot quite explain.

11. Surrounds themselves with former lovers and potential mates. Brags that their exes still want to sleep with him/her, but assures you there is nothing to worry about. These people make you feel jealous and give off the perception that your partner is in high-demand.

12. Hyperbolizes emotions while displaying none of them. They make passionate statements like “I have never felt so happy in my life” in a completely robotic voice. It sounds like an alien trying to explain how they imagine human emotions might feel.

13. You are the only one who sees their true colors. Others will think they’re the nicest person in the world, even though they are used for money, resources, and attention. They will not care because he/she strategically distracts them with shallow praise (often done over social networking). Psychopaths are able to maintain superficial friendships far longer than their relationships.

14. Accuses you of emotions that they are intentionally provoking. They will call you jealous after blatantly flirting with their ex over social networking for the world to see. They will call you needy after intentionally ignoring you for three days straight.

15. Cannot put themselves in your shoes, or anyone else’s for that matter. You find yourself desperately trying to explain how they might feel if you were treating them this way, and they just stare at you blankly.

16. You are engaged in constant conversations about their ex. You know them by name, and you know everything about their relationship—at least, your partner’s version of events. The ex becomes one of the most frequent topics of discussion in your relationship.

17. You find yourself explaining the basic elements of human respect to a full-grown man/woman. Normal people understand the fundamental concepts of honesty and kindness. No adult should need to be told how they are making other people feel.

18. Focuses on your mistakes and ignores their own. If they’re two hours late, do not forget that you were once five minutes late to your first date. If you point out their mistakes, they will always be quick to turn the conversation back on you.

19. Suddenly and completely bored by you. Gives you the silent treatment and becomes very annoyed that you seem to be interested in continuing the passionate relationship that they created. You are now a chore to them.

20. The ultimate hypocrite. They have extremely high expectations for fidelity, respect, and adoration. After the idealization phase, they will give none of this back to you. They will cheat, lie, insult, and degrade. But you are expected to remain perfect.

21. Sometimes it seems as though they’ve forgotten who they’re supposed to be around you. They adopt different personas for different people—transforming their entire personality to match various audiences. It is always very eerie when they slip and accidentally use the wrong mask for you. You will start to feel that their personality just does not seem to add up.

22. An unusual amount of “crazy” people in their past. Any ex-partner or friend who did not come crawling back to them will likely be labeled jealous, bipolar, an alcoholic, or some other nasty smear. They will speak about you the same way to their next target.

23. Flatters your deepest insecurities. If you are self-conscious about your looks, they will call you the sexiest person in the world. If you have got a need to entertain, they will say you’re the funniest person they have ever known. They will also mirror your greatest fantasies, playing whatever role is necessary to win your heart.

24. Frequently comments about what you are wearing and how you look. They try to arrange you. You become obsessed with your appearance, noticing flaws that likely don’t even exist. During and after the relationship, you will spend significantly more time in front of the mirror.

25. You fear that any fight could be your last. Normal couples argue to resolve issues, but psychopaths make it clear that negative conversations will jeopardize the relationship, especially ones regarding their behavior. You apologize and forgive quickly, otherwise you know they’ll lose interest in you.

26. Obsessed with humiliating successful, kind, and cheerful people. Delighted by the idea of breaking up friendships and marriages. If you work hard to maintain interpersonal peace in your life, they will make it their mission to uproot all of it.

27. Gaslighting. Blatantly denies their own manipulative behavior and ignores evidence when confronted with it. They will become angry if you attempt to disprove their delusions with facts.

28. They expect you to read their mind. If they stop communicating with you for several days, it’s your fault for not knowing about the plans they never told you about. There will always be a self-victimizing excuse to go along with this.

29. Selfishness and a crippling thirst for attention. They drain the energy from you and consume your entire life. Their demand for adoration is insatiable. You thought you were the only one who could make them happy, but now you feel that anyone with a beating pulse could fit the role. However, the truth is: no one can fill the void of a psychopath’s soul.

30. Your feelings. After a run-in with a psychopath, you will feel insane, exhausted, drained, shocked, suicidal, and empty. You will tear apart your entire life—spending money, ending friendships, and searching for some sort of reason behind it all.

We can find that normal and loving people do not raise any of these flags. After a negative encounter, most survivors face the struggle of hypervigilance: who can really be trusted? Our gauge will swing back and forth for a while, like a volatile pendulum. We all wonder if we have gone absolutely mad for wanting to believe the best in an old friend or a new date, but also feeling sick to the stomach when actually spending time with them.

It is important to develop our intuition, but that is a personal process. The world is mostly full of good people, and we suffer a double punishment if we miss them due to the fear of being hurt again.

People need to set aside some time to get in touch with their feelings, and become comfortable with a balance of awareness and trust. The reflection offers understanding about our emotions. It helps provide understanding for which old relationships need to be refreshed, and which toxic patterns need to be abandoned and replaced by healthier ones.

Society conditions us to ask “does this person like me” instead of exercising critical thinking and asking “do I like this person?”

[infcstissumam]

Hello~! I was wondering if you can make a headcanon with era 4 ghouls + the ghoulettes on how they would treat a chubby female. Like if they would be protective with the reader. Thank you~! 🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

Hello, Nonny! How are ya? I definitely can do your request! 

I just wanted to start off your request by generally speaking for all ghouls:

There isn’t a single ghoul who’ll treat you any differently because of your size. People are uniquely shaped, and there’s nothing wrong with that, you are who you are and who you chose to be is far more critical than any clothing size. 

Furthermore, regarding ‘types,’ they don’t control a ghoul and their desire. It may make them go ‘daaaamn’ faster, but it’s never a deal closer. The way you treat them, carry yourself, etc. is. For instance, catch Mountain and Rain, making a B-line towards a person who carries themselves confidently but not confrontationally. Y’know?

Anyways, with that established, I’m going to extrapolate that you’re requesting them reacting to someone mistreating them because of their size. If I’m wrong, feel free to yell at me in the inbox! (also I’m guessing by era 4 ghouls, you mean the boysTM, so I’ve just done them + the gals )

Aether

Aether can’t exactly claim to know your exact pain. He’s never been in your shoes, and he understands that. Still, his experiences as a burly man, well, give him a bit more insight than some others. 

The snide comments and judgement from strangers, the looks when you try to go about your life, like some kind of spectacle. A fetish to some, a disgrace to others. The dehumanization of it all, it hurts, it wears away at your pride, and he knows. 

Still, he’s come to a point where he knows raising on his hackles does nothing but exacerbate the situation, the best response, yet the hardest still, is to just ignore it all. 

When the comments and glances come, he just pulls you closer to his side. You don’t see it, but he’s seething, he’ll lead you out of the situation with all the grace of a ballerina. 

If he notices the twinge of your lips pulling down, the way your eyebrows would slump in defeat and humiliation. He’s quick to reassure you you’re perfect as is. 

Dew

Oh good lord, Dew, to say he’s protective is an understatement, he’s reactionary. 

When the critics come to make their comments, he’s first to jump into the offence. 

It can be much, no, it is much when he’s stomping up to the jackasses to chew em out for their rudeness. The embarrassment flushes straight to your cheeks. 

In his eyes, the scene is worth it, he’s proving a point. His mate is gorgeous as is. They’re a dick, and everyone around them should know it, and they should nothing less than the crippling social shame and scuttle back to the shadows they came from. 

Still, you may have to urge him to back off, you know he cares and wants to defend you, but not like that. Maybe he can just stick to hissing under his breath as he moves in front of you, shielding those that don’t deserve to see you from sight. 

Rain

He’s so confused. New to human culture, he doesn’t understand why they did that. He’s smart enough to deduce it isn’t normal and realizes it’s hurtful but why?

He can’t wrap his mind around it, the cruelty is unnecessary, unwarranted. 

Even after the initial incident, it weighs heavily on his mind. He wasn’t the intended target, and it’s stirred such feelings in him. He’ll ask, long after you’ve left, how you feel about it all. 

When you remark that you’re used to it, you’ll notice how his eyes fall beneath the mask. 

If it hurts you, you shouldn’t have to be used to it. It’s not a problem you should have to face, their intolerance, their cruelty, you don’t deserve having it weigh on your shoulders. 

From there forward, you’ll notice how much more vocal he is with compliments and praise, you’re a bit taken aback, until you realize he’s doing it because he wants to equalize the negative with positive, so you know the little things that he sees that no stranger can discern at first glance. 

Cumulus

The most experienced in the subject, she can recall the way she’s been treated, reduced to her chubbiness as if that’s her only characteristic. She knows the comments thoroughly, long have they haunted her into the night. 

For a time, she even believed the problem lay in her, but, of course, this isn’t the case. 

It took years, but eventually, she found confidence in herself, in her body. The cruelty embedded in her from years of belittling for her appearance, lifted, even if only slightly from her shoulders and for once, she felt comfortable and satisfied. 

So, you can hardly fathom the pain she feels when you struggle with these same issues, this same cruelty. 

In you, she can see herself, your pain is hers and she’s irate.

She wants to walk up to that jackass and tear them a new one, but, unlike Dew, she’s conscious enough to understand that won’t help you, it’ll only make her happy. So, she bites back her anger and, like Aether, help you out of the situation. Whispering reassurances in your ear,

“ Don’t listen to these clowns, Pooh Bear, you look great,” 

Cirrus

Like Dew, protectiveness is her first instinct. 

It’s the baseline and a bit embarrassing for you, but she can’t help it when your face drops, dejected but not surprised.

The hot air of their words only fans her flames, she’ll pull them closer to her, her grip tightening around their hip as she retorts. 

Not with a flurry of impassioned words, but with equal comments, not towards their size, but their intelligence, fashion sense, etc. 

She’s cutting and clever, striking controlled blows against their ego. A fitting punishment for trying to degrade your self-esteem.

It’s impressive in all honestly, and even you can’t help but let your jaw drop with the sheer heat of her burns. 

[janiedean]

So Cercei assumes shes intelligent and everyone says she is but really is the dumb dumb of the lot (needs a dunce hat instead of that crown). Tyrion has been told he is smart, knows he is intelligent and it is known. Poor Jaime is told hes dumb and he think he is dumb but is really actually quite intelligent and wise. Its not that hard to work out guiz.

pretty much even if ngl... ah well fuck that, let’s just go off on this since I’ve had it nagging at me since a lot and I’m pissed off, so.

point the first: I really hate this general idea that you can decide if someone’s intelligent or not just based on the same three usual characteristics - like, there’s different types of intelligence (that’s pretty much the basic theory going around but there’s more or less if you go by different ones, but nvm that), someone can be emotionally intelligent and not being immediately good at math or have book smarts, or they can be a genius when it comes to book smarts and be a total no when it comes to emotional intelligence and whatnot, so like.... the argument in itself is already flawed imvho

point the second: the fact that *books* smarts are seeing as 90% of what intelligent means is imvho a thing that should have burned years ago because it gives way to the implications for which if you have issues reading or can’t do it at once or don’t immediately understand what you read and so on you’re stupid/dumb/whatnot which in this case was brought up tenfold with the fact that they made show!jaime dyslexic but that’s gonna be discussed in a moment

now, of course the *book* smarts are a type of intelligence like guys ffs you’re talking - full disclosure - to someone who could related out of those three to both jaime and tyrion even if I don’t have their specific issues. as in: I had/have issues that are more pertinent to other characters, but my basic coping was 50% telling myself ‘well at least you have a brain and you can use it’ and 50% making self-deprecating terrible taste humor jokes, and like... I’m a disaster on a lot of things but I tend to sense emotions pretty well and I can probably sell my typical book smarts so like, I’m not going to say it’s overrated or anything. it’s one type of it. but it existing doesn’t mean that people who don’t are stupid or that it’s the most valid or whatever

now, the problem with those three is that the situation has to include their father or we don’t get it, but:a) their father and pretty much only parental figure that matters to the three of them since joanna dies too early is cunning, has *typical* smarts the way we intend it, is extremely amoral and practical and also doesn’t gaf about anyone’s feelings but his own and doesn’t care for his kids as people, so *that* is what they grow up with when it comes to ‘person they would consider *intelligent* as a go-to’ and who pretty much fucked them all up differently but they don’t know;b) tyrion, as genna said in affc but is misinterpreted by 90% of people who read it in both senses, is tywin’s son because he also is cunning, has the book smarts, is good at politics, can see the consequences of his actions and/or at least tries, is fairly pragmatic and is the only one out of the three of them who’d have had the skills to bring on the family legacy if tywin actually gave him a shred of credit and hadn’t hated him for his looks/for joanna’s death, but at the same time tywin is an asshole and tyrion is not, tywin doesn’t gaf about anything else but the family/his legacy, tyrion actually cares about cripples bastards and broken things, tywin doesn’t gaf about anyone’s feelings, tyrion’s extremely empathetic towards people, and also as you pointed out he knows that his brain is what will sell his merchandise so to speak and that’s why he keeps it sharp as he said to jon way back in the day - he’s entirely aware that his intelligence is the one thing he can rely on, and he has to know that;c) cersei thinks she’s tywin but like the problem with cersei is that regardless of how smart she is or not, the problem is that she’s not tywin because tywin wasn’t caught up in his narcissism/his own need to see his personal needs met to not see the bigger picture. cersei is incompetent as hell because she can only see as far as what’s convenient to her and what would give her advantage and what would put her on the throne and give her power, which means that most decisions she takes are out of the world ridiculous/self-damaging because she can’t conceive that you’d need advice by other people or everything her father conceived to be in power, like... tywin never wanted the throne but was the more powerful for being a hand of the king and moving his strings on the side, and he didn’t need to flaunt it, which she can’t conceive it - like, she thinks she’s better than everyone because she got the thirst for power and the ruthlessness from him, but she doesn’t have his detachment, she doesn’t have his capacity to see the bigger picture and she can’t understand that the world doesn’t revolve around her, which means that regardless of how smart she is or not she does increasingly dumb things because she doesn’t act logically;d) jaime on the other side as that quote by genna has nothing of tywin in him, like zero - he doesn’t have the ruthlessness, he doesn’t gaf about the politics, he doesn’t want to be in power and he’s very emotionally attuned to people, and he definitely doesn’t have the *book* smarts tyrion has (either in the book because he doesn’t seem to be too interested in that or in the show where they did the dyslexic characterization on top of tywin forcing him to learn in his usual abusive-ass parent of the year way which... I mean I wouldn’t find reading such a great thing after that either), nor his sister’s taste for politics, so since it’s apparently assumed that in westeros if you’re a firstborn male heir you should be interested in at least the power side of the equation while he just wants to defend the innocents and love his family (nvm the jc part of it y’all get what I’m aiming at) that seems somehow not smart of him, when........ he’s actually not because he’s extremely good at reading situations and thinking around the corners, again he has great emotional intelligence and interpersonal, which... in the lannister household would not be seen as a winning quality, which is why cersei thinks he’s that much **stupider** than her, because he doesn’t want what she wants and he cares about people when she doesn’t, but count that tyrion himself ie the one out of the three who has both the typical book smarts and both inter-intrapersonal intelligence (jaime is working on the intrapersonal one I think lmao) never thinks ‘wow I love my brother but he’s the stupidest lannister’ and the only time he thinks of him in those terms is when he tells him that cersei was cheating on him. actually all the contrary, and I mean now that’d sound weird to me if he considered the stupidest in the family the one person he trusts and that he obviously knows better than either his father did (because his father only sees in jaime his potential heir, not his own person, and cersei sees herself in him, she doesn’t gaf about him as his own person either)

so like...... he thinks he’s not that much bright in comparison to the others because he doesn’t have the book smarts/the cunning/the drive for power and guess why the entire point is that he has to reconcile himself with the fact that what he wanted when he was young (being a knight/being a good person) isn’t something to be trashed and he still can be that, but like he’s legitimately the only one of them who’s not delusional and who can see that they didn’t win his war At Fucking All, also while tyrion never thinks that of him and never tells him anything of the kind until the tysha reveal when he’s understandably angry and he uses it as a wake-up call NOT TO HUMILIATE HIM, cersei tells him that all the goddamned time also to humiliate him and make the idea pass that she knows better than he does, and since he’s spent his entire life listening to her/thinking she’s right/thinking he’s her/whatever he most likely internalized that too....... except that it’s abuse and emotional manipulation, fuck’s sake.

like: the reasons he’d assume that and others would assume it are that he doesn’t want political power and would rather do his knight thing (which is inconceivable to both cersei and tywin) and that he internalized what cersei says about him (which is honestly gross as hell) and we can add that maybe he can’t see her for what she is until he gets the wake-up call.... but guess what, so people in abusive rship are stupid? because they can’t see that their partner is abusive? really? that’s what we’re implying? and the fact that in the show they made him dyslexic (which in itself isn’t even going anti book canon or couldn’t be a thing to add that didn’t make sense), they had tywin openly tell arya that he tried to *cure* him out of it, therefore confirming that tywin totally agrees to that stereotype for which people with learning disorders/who can’t READ at once/might need help with it are STUPID and he couldn’t afford to have his kid need help, ofc not...... and like, that was where you actually turn the storyline around and you show that it doesn’t mean shit and that regardless of that... jaime is a person who is very bright just more bent towards emotional/intrapersonal intelligence, he can do good things which he wants to, he can live up to his potential and he can find people who will value him for himself and who love him for who he is and who the fuck cares if he’s not cunning or politically-driven or thirsty for power or trying to overpower anyone or that he wasn’t ever going to become a grand maester. BUT NO, they had to go the other way and have cersei keeping on belittling him and his intelligence for seasons, and then when he goes back to her he gets told HE’S THE STUPIDEST LANNISTER ALL OVER AGAIN and/or even worse calls himself like that and they go and say in the commentaries he’s not bright enough for cersei or whatever the fucking fuck was that? like, sorry but it’s just gross and has horrible implications and I can’t with it. like, I can’t. one thing is fans going like ‘ah well he’s my trashcan fave and he does dumb things out of love but he’s my trashcan fave who does dumb things out of love’, one thing is the showrunners doing that and making it pass like his supposed lack of the aforementioned traits belonging to either his father, cersei or tyrion means that he’s the fucking stupidest lannister or whatever.

this when we’re talking about someone who’s love-driven and not ambition driven and whose issues were 90% tied to how he was emotionally manipulated/abused/traumatized for his entire life (christ he had ptsd at seventeen and he DISSOCIATES AT WILL SINCE BEFORE THEN THIS GUY HAS ISSUES), so we’re basically saying that someone who is emotionally open/wants desperately emotional ties with the people he loves and doesn’t care for power trips and spends half of his life with everyone but tyrion taking advantage of it and making his issues even worse and convincing him he doesn’t have self-worth besides his sword skills and being of use to other people is.... not bright? dumb? the stupidest? seriously?

sorry but I’m fucking done with this travesty. emotionally open people aren’t stupid, emotionally abused people aren’t stupid, traumatized people who don’t know they’re traumatized and who need help are not stupid, people with learning disorders are not stupid and I just want to dracarys this idea that jaime is not as bright as whoever the fuck else with all three goddamned lizards at once.

there, that was my ted talk.

[kinktae]

Dear 2018,

warning: up ahead is a long ass post with mentions of anxiety, depression, infidelity, death, very specific events that might seem silly to you but really fucked me up, optimism, and copious amounts of personification.

You were cruel.

My dad gave my dog away without telling me and while I took a nap of all things for reasons that made no sense at the moment but would soon reveal themselves as the year unfolded. My dog was my best friend and longtime confidant. I was the annoying dog owner who snapchatting their dog every day. He was my first hug when I had a bad day and my last goodnight every night as I headed off to bed. I don’t know where he is now because my father won’t tell me but 2018, you left me so incredibly hurt by my parents that I couldn’t bring myself to speak to them for two weeks.

But I learned to cope.

In the days that followed, I wrote a 20k long story. I was crying and sad and didn’t know what else to do. I spent three days writing that story, sleeping on the couch because I didn’t want to walk into my room only to see that my dog wasn’t waiting by my bed. A story I wrote could never replace seven years of companionship but it gave me something tangible to hold onto when I found myself unable to turn to my family. Camellia, the story, holds a special place in my heart because it isn’t often that from such sadness tumbles out a love story.

You were cruel.

2018 took the life of the boy I have admired and blushed over since I was eleven. He was the kind of kid who had every reason to be an asshole with how good looking and widely popular he was but... he wasn’t. He was polite and genuinely smart and loved basketball. I mean loved it. It was funny back then but in my senior year when we were asked to write poems, he chose to write it about his basketball and his team. We all cheered him on at the end of it as he slipped back into his seat in the back, a happy grin on his face. I remember how hot my face got when he let me interview him for a school project and how nice he was to me because he knew I was nervous. When I graduated, he was the one person that I was looking forward to seeing at our high school reunion. I wanted to know where he’d end up in life. I never thought that his life would come to an end.

So I took some time to reflect.

I left Tumblr for quite a bit. It’s a hard thing to understand when someone so young dies suddenly and needlessly. It was larger than just my feelings. It was as if my entire town fell silent. 2018, you left behind his family and an entire community in pain and mourning. He was not mine to mourn as a lover nor really as a friend but I mourned him as a long time classmate who put far greater good into the world than he ever did bad. I hurt for his family, his girlfriend, his friends— my friends —who knew him well and will never get closure or answers to his death because there are none. I hope heaven has a basketball court.

You were cruel.

One of your Saturday nights was when my mom walked by our guest bedroom and overheard her husband on the phone with his girlfriend of a year. It was the reason why my dad got rid of my dog and was trying so desperately to sell our house. He was trying to move us into an apartment just so that he could leave my mom and me in it. He stood in front of my mom silently as she broke down two days later and told him that she knew about his girlfriend. I knew his girlfriend, I had been to her house; she had 3 kids and a husband. My dad left my family for another family, for another country, and as much as that hurt, nothing hurt more than holding my crying mother in my arms every night because she came to the United States alone and I was all she had now. My father took everything in the house, leaving us with one bed and a couch. He said he would take care of us but the fact that he took two beds when he only needed one should’ve been a warning sign enough. He cut my mother’s salary and belittles her at work. He keeps coming over to our house and making my mother cry. He never gave her space to heal and still isn’t. I had to make nice though because he was always the provider and I relied on him financially. He cut my brother from his will and my mother feared he’d do the same to me.

But my family understood.

I thought with my father living elsewhere, I wouldn’t see my family anymore. He was the one who always drove me down to every family gathering, and now I could hardly look him in the eyes. To my surprise, even though he was very much the head of my family, they all reach out to me and my mother, offering their condolences. It was nice to know that I wasn’t a terrible daughter for not wanting to see my father, it was nice knowing his family understood. He was a great provider but cruel, emotionally detached parent and I struggled with the guilt of not mourning his absence in the house. My family helped me realize that my priority should be myself and my mother and I am so grateful for them.

You were cruel.

You were anxiety. Crippling, unimaginable anxiety. You were a panic attack one Monday morning alone in my house as I realized how empty but suffocating my home had become. 2018 was sitting down in class, only to rush out the moment I realized I had forgotten another assignment, crying in the school bathrooms because I knew I was falling behind. I pretended like everything was fine. I didn’t ask for help. I was ashamed to. My mother didn’t have friends because of the type of person my father was and she needed one. So I became her friend, despite the fact that I am just a daughter. I comforted and listened to her. I read her divorce papers for her because my English was better than hers and I knew my father was going to try and fuck her over. My mother was behind every happy memory I had so I owed her this much. Eventually, I just stopped going to school, too anxious to even leave my neighborhood. I would wave my mother goodbye and hop into my car like I was off to university but really I just park somewhere in my neighborhood and hated myself. God how I hated myself.

But my friends were kind.

Early on in the year, 2018 brought me, friends. Friends that would last throughout the year despite the fact that I pushed them away and isolated myself. People like @httpjeon, who would become my number one confidant and best fucking friend along with @introseesaw @junqkook, who never questioned why I had to leave the group chat and disappear for days. People like @timeline-comics, who is so patient and understanding and inspires me. People like @kittae @gukyi @jeongukk who probably didn’t know how much just talking to them made me feel sane and safe. As much as 2018 took away, it also gave me such wonderful people when I needed them the most and I am grateful beyond words. Even when my mother was in the midst of heartbreak, divorce and reliving childhood trauma, she still eventually found me, as most mothers do when they’re children become lost. She offered me love and support like she has done with every breath she has ever taken and told me it was okay to ask for help. I wasn’t invincible, no one was. It was only with others that we could grow stronger.

You were cruel.

I did poorly this semester. I knew I would. But it was severe enough that my university noticed and suspended me from the upcoming term. They told me to come back in the summer and offered me the number to their counseling services. My father didn’t understand how this could have happened, or maybe he didn’t want to understand, so he cut me off financially and called me names that I’m still trying to convince myself aren’t true.

But I had you all.

In the worst year of my life, 2018 brought me a community of people who love and support my work despite how flaky I am putting it out. It brought me a platform where I can express myself creatively and unapologetically. 2018 brought me you guys, my readers— my people. It brought me anons who made my entire day in 200 words or less. It brought me people who reblogged my posts with funny tags that, as corny as it sounds, made the world feel less heavy, even if it was just for a moment. I know that you guys are a blessing. This blog is one of the best things that’s happened to me. It’s my happy place and I am so beyond grateful for you all.

And finally. There is one thing left to say.

2018, I forgive you.

You were cruel, confusing and painful and as much as you set me back, I am going to use you to propel me forward in 2019. It was in your darkness that I realized just how wonderful every speck of light truly feels. Because of you, I am going to fight for happiness and work on loving myself again as BTS has been telling me to do all year because you have given me a reason to finally need to more than ever.

Dear 2019,

Treat me gently. Greet me with kindness. Because if you don’t, I will bend you to my will because, dammit, I deserve happiness. I deserve comfort. I deserve 2019. I will get a job and maintain myself. I will attend counseling and work on fixing myself. I will love myself loudly and write until my fucking fingers fall off. I will go back to school in summer and look forward to learning because it’s what I love; I know now more than ever that it’s a privilege to get to go to school. I will ask for help when I need it and offer it when it’s needed. And I will never stop supporting those who supported me in 2018.

To those who were also hurt by 2018, just know that you walk into the new year cautiously right alongside me and it’s okay to be scared. It’s okay to heal. It’s okay to prioritize yourself. It’s okay to ask for help. It’s okay to not be okay. Because even today is cruel, there is always a chance that tomorrow will be kind and that’s a chance worth fighting for.

Sincerely, Rose 🌹

[postmodernmulticoloredcloak]

pinestreetdean replied to your post “I’ve watched the finale of Game of Thrones and, all considering, I...”

Agreed, I thought despite the poor execution of everything the broad strokes are really satisfying. I thought I wanted Sansa to rule over everything in the end but her as Queen in the North makes much more sense, and Bran strangely makes sense to me as king? He's both weaker and stronger than any of the other options, which lets Tyrion really handle the day to day but also avoids the mistakes of the past. Breaking the wheel for real

yes, Sansa belongs in the North and has a tight connection to the lords and the people of the north, while Bran didn’t really feel a special connection to the community anymore, having seen to many things and experienced many lives... it makes sense for Bran to represent the “general” interests of different regions, he does not have conflicts of interests so to speak - by having the North independent, he is king of six kingdoms while not being from any of those six kingdoms, which makes him a figure that won’t “favor” one over the other and of course will not have conflict with the neighboring kingdom since the queen is his family. Now it makes sense for Bran to say that he doesn’t really feel like “Brandon Stark” - he is not really tied to a specific house and kingdom, he has a more “universalistic” scope. We thought it was about him feeling more like the Three-Eyed Raven than himself, instead it ended up being about being Bran the Broken...

At the end it really came to the special connection that tied “cripples bastards and broken things” - the most shunned and rejected people eventually were the ones to survive and make history and open a new season of peace. The most powerful people in Westeros are now women who have a history of being humiliated and belittled, a disabled young man, a dwarf, and also men from the lower class, plus Jon who lived his life as a bastard which is a marginalized group in their society. 

Bran as king, sure came out of nowhere (unless we count Tyrion’s connection to him), but is also... perfect? Like, how many times have we watched the news being like, oh shit this is history repeating itself? How many times we have wished people in positions of power or privilege knew history and didn’t repeat exactly the same actions and attitudes that led to disaster before? Now, Bran knows exactly all the mistakes made by past kings and lords. His power isn’t from military success or money. His power is truly from being someone who knows the past, and, like Tyrion says, can lead the country into the future.

A “broken” person on a wheelchair breaks the wheel of power... okay, maybe it didn’t really come that much out of nowhere but we simply didn’t see it coming :)

[chaossmagic]

ohmygod i LITERALLY had a full two hour long breakdown about robert's relationship with sarah and jack yesterday. and how he never got closure with his father and never got to properly talk about it and heal. and how sarah's death is literally like the key to all of his issues. and THEN emmerdale has the AUDACITY to release a preview where they acknowledge that yes robert has still not been able to address his issues hah hah die mad about it sara.... god i feel feral just thinking about it

LISTEN ROBERT JACOB SUGDEN DESERVES BETTER OKAY

and yes okay so jack is dead, so what? he’s supposed to just magically forget that all of the emotional and psychological abuse he got from him ever happened? that it’s okay that he basically treated him like dirt for YEARS because you’re not supposed to speak ill of the dead? that it doesn’t matter anymore???

EXCEPT IT DOES AND WE HAVE CANON PROOF. like those scenes where robert talks about how his dad didn’t let him live with sarah after they split even though she was, in all sense of the word, his mum, just because he was ‘only’ her step-son and not her ‘real’ son

or that time that everything to do with his fear and worry about the surrogacy and why he was so determined to go for a longer-term plan which would cost more but yet be more legally sound so he wouldn’t lose another child WAS ALSO RELATED TO HIS ISSUES WITH HIS PARENTS

like how he physically recoils any time someone makes reference to how proud jack would be of him…because he knows he wouldn’t be, personal experience made jack’s opinion of him very clear and he knows it’s a load of bull but he still can’t talk about it

because jack sugden is a saint to most people and not the kind of man who would beat his child for something they had no control over (and i believe there are other instances where he was physically violent towards robert on-screen, not just the incident we know about from ssw16)

he’s definitely not the kind of man who would degrade, openly resent, belittle, and actively go out of his way to treat one of his own children like they were lesser or not worth anything

except we know he actually did all of those things and that those things have left robert with some very deep and very painful scars that pretty much defined his entire life from his early teens to now

his crippling internalized homo/biphobia is because of his dad 

his feelings of worthlessness and not being worthy of love are because of his dad, and also because of the fact that the one person who did love him unconditionally was ripped from him and he wasn’t even allowed to grieve or properly mourn her, again because of his dad

in fact the only person who’s ever loved him completely and wholly unconditionally except sarah is aaron

imagine what that does to a person

imagine how that can fuck you up for life, knowing that everyone worships the ground your abuser walked on, and even in their death you can’t find any peace, so you’re forced to keep quiet for the rest of your life

(tl;dr: robert is a textbook case of chronic low-level high-functioning depression with infrequent episodes of mania and THAT IS THE TRUTH OF THE MATTER. SOMEONE GET HIM SOME HELP PLEASE.)

[maconnoheyjam]

So, I watched ‘Breaking the Waves’ (1996).

This was painful to watch in its entirety because every moment was so deeply embedded in this stilting silence juxtaposed w jerky bits of action. I think, and this is my pretentious high school media nerd coming out, the lack of non-diegetic audio really got to me. The camera was shaky throughout, which really inadvertently (or advertently?) added to the feeling of being a voyeur to the horrible stuff happening on screen. Kind of like, this feeling of invading a private scene, but then also feeling compelled to watch because someone has to witness what is going on, right, or what’s the point of having the story in the first place.

A thing that really struck out to me within the film was the way different chapters were introduced – that startling pop music combined with the burst of colour in the landscapes. It felt very very oxymoronic to the actual scenes but also kind of was a reminder that this wasn’t actually real? That this was a film? And you would sit during the 10-12 seconds while they transitioned between chapters thinking “my god this is fiction?” Especially that last GODDAMN SONG – my goodness, I was giggling hysterically at that bit; horrified & captivated & confused by the humourous and facile expression of what the story was.

I’m not sure what exactly Bess’s condition is – autism or – you know what, I’m not going to even attempt it because I don't want to misdiagnose, and I KNOW I’m going to be about as accurate as a kid putting on their parent’s makeup for the first time i.e. the end result is always a surprising simulacrum of The Joker. But the psychological aspect! The naivety and capacity for self-delusion, the intense combination of unconditional love and unconditional religious devotion (that ultimately ends up destroying her), the conviction in self and the continuous rejection & belittlement of that self from others; God, it’s heartbreaking. Bess is somehow simultaneously the most simple and complex character I have seen in a film. Reminds me weirdly enough of Lennie from Of Mice and Men. Characters so pure and simple that when faced with the realities of the world end up obliterated.

And Jan – my goodness, I was torn between hating and pitying him. On one hand, the sheer sadism of his actions and the callousness of the request he made of her, which was so cruelly foreshadowed with the repeated “she’d do anything for you if you asked” made me so. MAD. But on the other essentially ambidextrous hand, the loss he faced at a moment when his life should have been so bright! He’d lost his body – the basic foundation of his work and living – and the medication no doubt fogged his mind, so he’d become a shell of what he was…it was very hard to condemn him when he still had so much love for her. I mean, he tried to martyr himself for her. It was weird and touching and disturbing.

You know what I found really damn awesome about the acting? When Bess alternates between God and herself (i.e. the inner voice cultivated by having been rigorously taught by douchebag ‘religious’ men vs. her own desires) and the way Emily Watson portrayed the difference between the two. The eyes – my GOD, the way Bess looked so lost upwards, like a kid looking for answers. And then the harsh, dead gaze of ‘God’ – so reflective of the dead, judgmental stares of the men from the church and (at times) her mother. It was so well-crafted; those particular exchanges, and you could see a very clear procedure for how Bess’s inner conflict would play out. The meltdowns – oh wow. The literal explosion of her emotions against the world; pure, unfiltered injustice articulated perfectly. That one time she did it against the waves? Epic & gutting.

I can’t say I much liked the ending of the bells ringing; it felt a bit shallow in that there was a sense of things coming full circle, but also it came across as a vaguely relevant answer to the most pertinent question. Like, it made me feel like there was an answer of sorts there, but it was too poorly formed for me to really get it? Or maybe I’m just a ditherheaded idiot? Maybe both? Maybe neither? Maybe I should stop typing?

Okay BUT you know who I thought was the real tragedy of the film? DODO. That woman was the epitome of the impossible woman who somehow has to be the caretaker, sister, confidante, nurse, balancer-of-worlds, psychologist….it was just that in this version, she was taking care of a woman as opposed to the typical ‘husband/father’ trope in your usual literature. She spends the entire film trying to do what’s good for everyone and though she does miss the mark on a couple points, her intentions always come from a place of selflessness. In her speech during the wedding, she makes it clear that she has no one in her life except for Bess. Her husband’s dead (the history of which is never spoken about in the film because Dodo doesn’t get to have a narrative; she only exists to fill in the blanks) her mother-in-law is a figure present only in her emotional distance from anything outside religious matters, and her original home isn’t something she can return to. She has nothing but Bess, and her relationship with Bess is incredibly toxic. It isn’t a remark against Bess, but the relationship they have is one-sided at the least and emotionally draining & crippling (lol) at worst. Of course, Bess is the main character so it’s understandable that she be the center for most of the plot, but the continuous way in which we see Dodo picking up after Bess and handling her, and ensuring everything is fine is just exhausting. I mean, it’s exhausting to watch, imagine how exhausting it is to live like that day after day. And then in the end, when Bess dies, and Dodo breaks down – isn’t that the ultimate “I failed to do my duty” reaction? Dodo’s life isn’t built around devotion and imagination like Bess, or joie de vivre and love like Jan’s; it’s built entirely around duty and balance – and she’s failed. Completely and unequivocally, and the proof of that is in the funeral, when she breaks duty and custom to speak out, realising that in doing so she’s condemning herself but being unable to keep it in. It’s her equivalent of screaming at the waves. Also, you know how I spoke about feeling like a voyeur watching the film? About still having to act as witness? Dodo is that; the silent witness who does not get to act but is still left broken in the aftermath.  

I’m not sure if I can perfectly articulate what the film is about, or try and link it to a broader theme in literature, because in doing so, I feel like I’m erasing the personal and painful nature of Bess’s story. In the end, the audience is left trying to reconcile what they watched with the world they live in, and in doing so gaze directly into the worst horrors of life. I was left thinking a lot about the film Come and See (1985). Mostly because watching this film made me feel as if the director had been saying the same thing to us during all of Bess's private and public pain; come and see, come and see; both a warning and a dare. 

Obligatory TL;DR that my friends have instilled in me as a fixture as permanent as a closing salutation in an email because I’m always sending longass emails: the film was *mimes explosion within heart & brain & all 43 chakras* you should watch it if you like emily watson & enjoy pain.

[ivars-snowflake]

Wild - III

Plot: The story follows Morana, a meditarranean girl brought to Kattegat by Bjorn, right before the war. She’s not just any girl though, she’s a princess with a secret she’s desperate to keep unrevealed, and with a great need for a fresh start and a place to call home. She wants it to be Kattegat, but will it be?

Follow her, and those around her, into a series of heartbreaks.

Pairing: None really, but Ivar and Morana are getting closer

Word count: 1880

You can read Part I here, and Part II here.

She felt a pair of eyes boring into the back of her head, as she opened her eyes. Assuming it was the thrall, she didn't pay it any attention. The sun was high up, and she figured it was close to midday. 

“I hope you managed to get some rest, princess Morana, for there are things we should discuss.”

She felt a sudden rush of heat hit her face at the sound of his voice. No matter how annoying she found him to be, she was still impressed by the fact that he, being the youngest of four brothers, somehow managed to make himself a king. She needed to find her place in the world, and she wanted her place to be here. Going back home was not an option, and it was not something she would wish for anyway. She was not wanted back there. So, she needed him to like her. But still, he was not a very good company. Not for her. They were to similar, and that might cost her, if she doesn't learn to control herself.

She turned to face him, realizing how close he sat. He was on the floor, right next to her bed. It was just then that she noticed the crutches leaned on the wall next to him. Right, they always talked of him as the cripple. She once asked a slave what the word meant, but the answer confused her, for she never met a person with his condition. Now she realized what the thrall meant by his legs not working. Somehow, she managed to forget that piece of information earlier, not giving it much importance. She shook it off, and focused her eyes on him.

“About?”

His eyes were studying her gentle frame, finally finding their rest on her eyes. The night before, he was convinced her eyes were gray, the color of the clouds that come bearing storms. But now they were green, like the green waters of the lake, or the grass in early spring. Their glances were stuck at each other.

“I want to know where you're from. You're different somehow, and I intend to know how.”

A silent sigh escaped her, a relief. He was intrigued, not furious. Maybe she did play her cards just right, and maybe for once, her mouth and her attitude failed to cause her doom. He was unpredictable, and she wasn’t sure if that was a good thing in general, but it did show as a good thing at this moment.

“I told you, your brother Bjorn brought me here. I was given to him by my father.” She answered, anger evident in her tone.

“You have a lot to resent to your father, but he's still your father. And I do not want to talk about your family issues. So, you're from Mediterranean?”

She was slightly taken aback by his words, she didn't quite expect this from a man who was at war with his own brothers, but for once, she decided not to comment. And he was rude, but she still managed to control her tongue.

“Yes, I am.”

“And you are no Christian?”

He was evidently interested in gods and religious things, as was she.

“No, I am not. I think they are ridiculous, in fact. Virgins giving birth and all. I think that my gods and your gods are very alike, king Ivar.”

He stared at her, not sure whether this was a good thing or some sort of blasphemy. But he was eager to know more of her Gods, as this woman seemed to possess some kind of magic, for she had him tied to her words.

“Okay, tell me about your gods then, princess Morana.”

She smiled, pleased by his curiosity.

“Well, what do you want to know, my king?”

“I know nothing, so anything’s good.”

“Khm…” She paused, thinking where to start, and then continued. “Then I’ll start with a God that you remind me of, king Ivar. His name is Perun. Perun is the god of thunder and lightning, fire and drought… He rules over our world, the world of the living, from his fortress in the clouds, on top of the World Tree.”

”He seems like a good god, why would he remind you of me?” Ivar asked, leaning closer, a smirk on his face. “It seems you’re a little misled by who I’m supposed to be…”

Morana chuckled, her shoulders shaking slightly. She shook her head in disagreement, thinking back to all the things she heard about him, and then she continued. “I don’t think I am. You see, king Ivar, Perun is also the god of war and weaponry. He is the one that warriors call upon. The warrior god. Veles is his enemy - the god of livestock, shepherds and farmers. Just like your brother Ubbe is your enemy right now.” She paused, her eyes wandering at his, cautiously scrutinizing him and his reactions, looking for any sign of disapproval. She did not want to insult or anger him. He smiled weakly, nodding for her to continue. “The fight between Perun and Veles lasts since forever, they keep trying to outsmart each other, Perun usually wins, sending Veles back to the underground, but Veles always comes back, wanting to outdare Perun.” She paused and smiled, noticing how carefully he listened to her.

“Go on...” He encouraged her.

“Perun has a wife, his wife is Sunce, The Sun. The Sun has a mother and little sister, Zora (Dawn) and Danica (The North Star). Zora is The Sun’s mother, she visits our world in the early mornings, at dawn, and gives birth to her daughter, The Sun, blessing the world of the living with its light. Danica is The Sun’s younger sister, she is in fact the brightest star on the night’s sky. Those were the names of my sisters too…both very bubbly and happy…”

He listened cautiously, admiring the way she spoke of her gods. There was passion and commitment in her soft voice, making him think of Floki and his tales. She saw him smile at her.

“Are you named after a goddess too?”

Her eyes locked to the floor, avoiding his gaze. Her expression changed, and she nodded.

“Tell me…” He whispered, lifting her chin up with his hand. She loved and worshiped the goddess she was named after, but the people around her never did. They feared her.

“I was named after Morana, the Sun’s daughter. The goddess of winter and death,” She paused, taking a deep breath, “I came to life by causing death. My mother died giving birth to me, and I…my people fear Morana, so everyone feared me. My father sent me to live with an old lady Mara in the woods. She became my mother and my father. Taught me everything I know of the gods and the world. When she died, I was all alone. Until they came for me and gave me to your brother.”

He could see how hard she tried to keep her tears from falling, and he put his hand on the piece of her skin that shyly escaped the furs in an attempt to comfort her. He knew now what it was that kept drawing him to her - they were both the children that should have died. The rejected ones, the belittled ones, feared or mocked. Those who were supposed to die, but gods decided in their favor, they made them strong, and the same gods now brought them together. It had to mean something. She blinked the tears away, and fixed her eyes on him, smiling.

“Anything else you wanna know?”

“Well, yes. I want to know more about Morana, she does seem like an interesting goddess. But right now, you should get dressed and go eat something.”

He turned to the wall, reaching for his crutches, and holding onto her bed to get up.

“What's your story, king Ivar the Boneless? Why do you fight your brothers?”

 “I didn't fight my brothers. I fought the murderer of my mother. My brothers chose to fight by her side.”

 She grew silent, thinking back of her acquired knowledge of this entire situation. Lagertha was the mother of Bjorn, but Ivar, Hvitserk, and Ubbe – the brother that sided with Lagertha, they were the sons of Queen Aslaug, the second wife of Ragnar Lothbrok. The name Sigurd was also often mentioned, but she did not know who Sigurd was. It was perfectly understandable to her that Bjorn would hold the side of his mother in this war, but Ubbe was a mystery. Why would he choose the woman who killed his mother, rather than his own two brothers?

“I am sorry. For the death of your mother. I heard it was Lagertha who killed her.”

He nodded, his eyes instantly filling with rage. She saw a spark lightning up, as he spoke of her.

“She escaped. But I will catch her, I will. And I will kill her. Slowly and painfully. I will make it a show, for everyone to watch.”

Morana was studying his face as he spoke, it was dark and ominous, no wonder everyone feared him. And yet again, he reminded her of Perun, the fierce and fearless one, riding in his chariot, weaving his mighty axe.

 He was fascinating, probably the most fascinating man she ever met, of his brothers, most definitely the most interesting and intense one. Soon, she caught herself aiming high, falling for the very king of Kattegat.

  It soon became a little ritual of theirs, these early morning talks. She complained the first few days, a little uncomfortable with Ivar seeing her in her nightgown, hair disheveled and eyes still cloudy, but as soon she became comfortable enough around him, she just didn’t care.

And he thought she was beautiful. She was always beautiful, with her lips painted red, and her braided hair carefully curled up into a bun on top of her head, flowers in her hair, those eyes being the color of fresh green grass. But in the early morning light, when she would first blink, her eyes still adjusting to light, they were golden. Her wavy hair would fall down her back, shimmering in shades of chestnut and orange as the rays of light would fall on it. Her bones would crackle as she stretched, a smile on her face at the sight of him sitting next to her bed.  The golden glow of her eyes would fade then, when she would fix her gaze on him, smiling sleepily and wishing him a good morning in her native language.

 But the closer she got to him, the further he’d escape. And soon she felt the distance growing between them, his walls build up high, and though Morana tried to break through, her thin patience not exactly helping her intention of knowing and understanding his troubled personality, anger and intimacy issues evident every time she would try to get near in a moment he would find unfitting. But he would still come back, and she would still welcome him. What he didn’t count on was that she, though still trying to get through, would also search comfort and tenderness somewhere else. He didn’t count on a possibility of actually losing her, while he was pushing her away.

Taglist: @cris101071 @naaladareia

[holydragon2808]

Addam, Rex and the Aegis (An In-Depth Comparison/Contrast)

Yep….It’s that time again for me to rant about the things I love the most. I was on the Xenoblade reddit after completing Torna the Golden Country last week. I had been anticipating this expansion release for quite some time and for the most part it did NOT disappoint. There will be massive spoilers for both the main game and the expansion so read at your own risk.

There was yet another one of those Addam vs Rex topics in relation to the Aegis (Pyra/Mythra) that I responded to on the Xenoblade Reddit page. There seems to be this IMO, rather skewed perception of both Addam and Rex’s accomplishments throughout the whole story. Generally people either think that the former was a complete failure and the latter a total success (based on the sole reasoning and hyper focus of one succeeding with the Aegis and one failing) which, once the entire story is put together, becomes ridiculous to be candid….. 

I wrote this post (as well as my response on Reddit) because I wanted to remind people that there’s more to both of their characters and their accomplishments for the entire world at large than JUST how they handled the Aegis. I’ve personally always believed that both succeeded and failed when it came to the Aegis (and Pyra/Mythra’s experiences with both Addam and Rex eventually led to Pyra/Mythra finding the closure and happiness they deserved in the ending of the base game). 

Addam may not have been able to do for Mythra/Pyra what Rex ultimately could as a driver, and “Torna The Golden Country” might have fallen on his watch, but we still cannot gloss over the fact that Addam DID save the entire world at large from Malos’s rampage back in the day by essentially giving life to Mythra. Had he not resonated with her, Rex and co, or anyone else between that 500 year gap and beyond would not have had a chance to do anything because the whole world would have ended centuries ago. 

Seriously folks, there’s a very damn good reason why Addam is still regarded as a hero 500 years later despite the heavy devastation left behind by the Aegis War. He also played a pretty vital role in getting Mythra in touch with her “humanity” underneath her course attitude back then which ultimately made it easier for Rex to bond with her. Not to mention that he put A LOT of specific measures in place to ensure Mythra/Pyra would be taken care of in the future, and to be frank, Rex owes a lot of his successes with the Aegis to Addam and what he and his allies sacrificed centuries ago.

Rex might have been able to accept Mythra/Pyra in a way that Addam ultimately did not, but it still doesn’t change the fact that Rex made a lot of dumb and reckless mistakes throughout his story and that his inexperience as a driver caused a LOT of problems for himself, Mythra/Pyra, and the rest of the party on more than one occasion…..

Yes, Rex played a very key part in finishing what Addam and his friends started 500 years ago and righting many of the wrongs that came about from the past. However, it’s made very clear both in the base game and TTGC, that Addam and his friends were the ones that ultimately gave the future generation that the Aegis returned to a fighting chance with their many sacrifices and hardships that they endured and I wanted to do a comparison/contrast between Addam and Rex as thoroughly and objectively as I could.

I posted a response on the topic in question here, but I’ll copy and paste what I said here on tumblr. It will be a post of very considerable length so be mindful of that too lol. Needless to say, if you haven’t completed both Xenoblade Chronicles 2 and Torna the Golden Country then don’t read any further. Massive spoilers abound here. Final warning.

As much as I liked Addam (I thought he was a very human character, flaws, virtues and all), I often felt like the DLC Torna the Golden Country glossed over his flaws as the driver of the Aegis (and since almost everyone thought so highly of him he was hardly called out on anything) because the expansion was too busy constantly calling Mythra out on all her short comings (to the point where it often felt like Monolith were laying it on a bit thick) which was a little unfair IMO (further reason why I wish that this DLC had been told from Mythra and Addam’s perspective instead of Lora and Jin. Don’t get me wrong, Jin and Lora’s story is truly gut wrenching and I did find Lora to be a good lead character but overall the DLC really doesn’t tell us anything more than what we already knew about them from the main game outside some extra interactions with that Gort guy). 

With that said though, it was cool to witness and experience some of the finer details surrounding the Jin/Lora/Haze dynamic such as who Lora was as a character, how the bond/affinity between her, Jin and Haze was ironically (and tragically since we know what will happen to all of them) not so different from the one Mythra/Pyra will later forge with Rex five centuries down the line (which was the very root of why Jin went down that dark path after Lora was killed, which we knew from the main game, but to actually witness said bond makes it all the more tragic), and how she basically redefined what the bond between drivers and blades could be for everyone back then both on and off the battlefield and more or less single-handedly invented what would later become a common staple for Blade/Driver combat (passing the weapon).

It’s also worth noting that the bond Lora had with both Jin and Haze five centuries ago was considered extremely rare. By the time Rex and co come into the picture, it’s truly heartwarming to see that sort of bond between drivers and blades much more common place. On another note, the mask that Jin wears… Lora made it for him (which is tragic in itself) but just what the hell sort of materials did Lora use for the thing to hold up for five centuries?

Anyway, it’s true that Mythra was definitely often too eager to use her OHKO move (the Artifice Siren), was immature, brash, and inexperienced (and those faults played a part in Addam and Mythra’s resonance problems certainly. The DLC spent far too much time beating us over the head with that fact IMO so I’m going to focus more on Addam’s issues in this post just to be clear), but Addam’s fear was ALSO just as much a wrench in their bonding issues as it was justified (and just as bad a problem if not more so than Mythra’s recklessness and immaturity IMO) and I really wished Torna had expanded on that fact a lot more considering he was always holding Mythra back from using her power period out of fear rather than trying to compromise a bit and help her find more creative and less destructive ways to utilize it (you know, like a real driver is supposed to do….?). 

Seriously, there’s a fine line between wise caution and crippling fear. If a person lets fear hold them back from NEVER using the power they’ve been granted then no matter how well meaning their caution is they shouldn’t be surprised when they can’t control it when it matters…..It’s sadly no surprise that Addam couldn’t control Mythra in the finale of TTGC when everything went sideways because he never actually did anything to better himself as her driver.

He was too busy trying to be her “with great power becomes great responsibility” parent (though to be fair that role was quite necessary to an extent) which, while definitely playing a huge part in bringing out her dormant “humanity” underneath her attitude, somewhere along the way, he forgot, (or didn’t realize the importance of him conquering his fear until it was too late) that Mythra ultimately wasn’t his daughter but his blade and the Aegis at that. To put this in perspective, it’s worth noting that 500 years later, it wasn’t until Rex proved himself to Mythra (and Pyra) as their true driver that they finally stopped with their suicidal plans and revealed their true self and their power to him despite both of them having grown very fond of Rex beforehand. 

With that said, Mythra was fond of Addam as well. At the very least she respected him enough to stay loyal to him and put up with being belittled and insulted by everyone around her in direct contrast to Malos who took the first opportunity he had to rid himself of Amalthus despite both Aegises being tainted and/or corrupted by their drivers during this time period. Mythra was corrupted because of Addam’s fears and insecurities and Malos because of Amalthus’s despair and hatred. It’s unfortunate that Addam never could realize the full ramifications of his fears and how those fears tainted his resonance with Mythra from the outset until it was too late. The whole tragedy of Torna is just further proof of how crucial a strong resonance/bond of true acceptance really is to a blade. It’s ultimately the most important bond a driver can forge with his or her blade. That applies to the Aegis most of all.

In other words, Addam still needed to actually man up, move past his fear and become the true driver of the Aegis, and view Mythra as an equal and ultimately prioritize learning how to accept that side of her rather than either (subconsciously) viewing her as an in-born dangerous monster in the making just because she was an Aegis and/or merely treating her like a “kid” simply because that was easier for him to accept (and it was pretty clear she didn’t appreciate that anyway and thought it was somewhat patronizing despite Addam’s good intentions “What the hell is with that tone? Where do you get off acting all parental?”). Hey, all immaturity and recklessness aside, Mythra’s real father was the creator of the world, and yet she’s was stuck with a driver/human that kept inadvertently talking down to her like he knew everything and couldn’t/wouldn’t accept her true self, so in a way her frustration/annoyance was somewhat justified honestly IMO. 

In TTGC, shortly after Hugo leaves the party for a bit after arriving at the Aletta Garrison and right after the party cleared the bridge of those Gogol monsters, Addam told Mythra to her face (and in front of everyone) that he’s apprehensive about facing Malos because she needs more training and needs to be mindful of her power, which was admittedly fair to a certain degree. The problem was it was coming from a place where Addam didn’t think he himself had much to improve while believing that Mythra had everything to improve which wasn’t completely fair or true. Never once did he admit directly to her his own issues of fear or tried to work on conquering them too (and either didn’t seem to understand or didn’t want to admit that him “not being man enough” was a much bigger problem than he wanted to believe and that he wasn’t 100% prepared to fight Malos either. And given what he admitted outright to Lora a few scenes prior about his fears, I’m inclined to go with the latter interpretation). 

Honestly, I can’t be the only one who found it ironic (and sadly a bit hypocritical of him to be frank) that Addam was supposed to be the prince of a nation that prided itself on treating blades and titans as equal partners and friends and forging true bonds with them…..and yet he couldn’t extend that courtesy to his OWN blade and properly bond with her? As the driver of the Aegis that was even more damning. It didn’t help matters that the expansion all but confirmed that Addam kept Mythra apart from not just his militia, but from his own family out of fear of her potential wrath (Mythra had to directly ask what’s so special about Aletta once the party first arrived, indicating that Mythra had never even seen the place until that moment). 

Addam and Mythra had been together for a year prior to meeting Lora and Jin so there’s a few more unfortunate implications and further mention of the huge lack of trust between them as driver and blade…..It wasn’t completely fair of them (the party) back then to belittle Mythra for her initial “lack of compassion” towards humanity when Addam was the one who kept her apart from humans prior to meeting Lora/Jin/Haze. Even though Addam stated that she’s the one that “purposely kept herself apart,” it’s not like Addam helped matters with all of that either (again at least not until Lora/Jin/Haze came into the picture). So…what did they expect? It’s not like Mythra was even a blade from Alrest anyway but rather stolen directly from Elysium. HOW could she have known any better prior to having the opportunity to forge her OWN connections and bonds with others?

He and everyone else around him instead just kept constantly calling Mythra out on and putting her down about her problems and her power which would have been fine if it hadn’t happened to the point where it seemed like none of them had any real faith in her (from her point of view) and (unintentionally) making her feel like a dangerous outcast, regardless of what they might have meant or intended or how much of said treatment Mythra might have brought on herself. Never mind the fact that regardless of what Addam and Co might have believed back then, they were against a rogue Aegis at full power and in complete control over said power. 

The only thing that could/would possibly turn the tide completely in their favor against one rogue Aegis at full power and in complete control of said power was the other Aegis fighting on their side at full power and in complete control of said power. And when I say ”completely in their favor” I mean the party achieving victory against Malos without 1) the cost of Mythra losing herself in rage and her sinking the Tornan Titan to the cloud sea bed, 2) Team Hugo’s tragic sacrifice to save the rest of the party from the combination of Mythra’s attack the Tornan core’s explosion, and 3) Milton’s untimely murder at the hands of Malos. All of that isn’t even getting into what Amalthus ends up doing after the battle to Team Lora and the surviving Tornan refugees that evacuated to Spessia….

With that said, without Mythra (the other Aegis) and her full power (and complete control over it), they were all essentially screwed against Malos. Needless to say that the party members’ overall fearful and constant negative attitudes about her power and/or shooting her down whenever she tried to use her Aegis power or even mentioned using it throughout the campaign because they just assumed she’d destroy everything (and consequently both Addam and Mythra never had the opportunity to learn how to properly control her powers or for him to learn to accept that side of herself) and constantly (even if unintentionally) reinforcing the belief that she was just a reckless and dangerous “simpleton” super weapon came back to bite them all in the ass hard come the final battle against Malos and every other tragic event that took place afterwards (self-fulfilling prophecy if I ever saw one. More on this point later). 

However, as Rex and Mythra/Pyra will demonstrate five centuries later (once Rex gets a serious reality check and a clue or two about what he’s truly involved himself in with her that is), with a proper and strong driver/blade bond, with genuine trust between driver and blade unclouded by fears and doubts, an Aegis using their full power wouldn’t automatically equate to destroying everyone and everything (just like practically any other blade in this story), something that Addam might have been able to realize eventually for himself had he not tainted their resonance from the outset with his fears and negative preconceived notions about Aegises that he never bothered to try and reconcile or that no one thought important enough to call him out on (despite the implication that a few characters within the party picked up on some of his resonance issues or even outright knew about them in Lora’s case) because everyone (both in the party and out) treated him like a near flawless hero who could do no wrong. 

Seriously, the 100% adoration rating trope got deconstructed with a vengeance here in a way or at the very least explored in a harsher and more realistic way with Addam as a character along with the humble prince archetype. When people think that highly of a person in general, they are far less likely to see any real flaws in a person and thus far less likely to call a person out when it could benefit them. 

Unlike Rex with his issues of inexperience and naivety that he was constantly called on and eventually forced to confront and overcome, Addam’s (subconscious) views of Aegises and his fears of Mythra were never truly challenged in any significant way that would have forced him to change his perspective or his actions until during and after Torna’s destruction by Mythra’s hand (again, because everyone either thought too highly of him to note any real flaws or because they shared in his views about the power).

And simply being a “humble prince” who would prefer to (and often finds any excuse to) run away and live like a farmer rather than tend to his royal duties actually doesn’t automatically entitle a person to a peaceful farm life surrounded by his close friends and family, especially when he’s either given or forced into opportunities of heroism and greatness that would help him achieve his desired peaceful outcome (in the most ideal way of everyone close to him surviving and his nation not being doomed to destruction), and yet instead choose to not properly seize those opportunities simply because he won’t get over himself. 

Addam was (understandably) so hyper focused on achieving his dream of a peaceful farm life existence with his family that in the end all he thought about was himself and thus, despite treating Mythra with compassion in the face of his fear of her, he still wasn’t properly taking care of her and acknowledging her true nature as a blade/Aegis by truly connecting with her as a driver. That’s not even getting into how he outright shied away from politics and ruling his nation out of fear even before Mythra came into his life. 

It’s a very similar issue/pattern that Rex will find himself in and Jin will actually call him out on 500 years later at the end of chapter six in XBC2 (because Rex was (understandably) so hyper focused on doggedly pursuing his dream of reaching Elysium that he was naively ignoring everything else around him including properly understanding Pyra/Mythra): “Look at the state of you. You hadn’t even noticed. Your own blade has been wounded so deeply, and all you can think of is yourself. You awakened the Aegis, I thought that…you might have been different. But you’re just a fool. A pitiful, childish fool.”

Not to say that Addam should not have tried to pursue a life of peace with his family after defeating Malos in any capacity (I’d never declare that), but it was incredibly short-sighted and somewhat arrogant of him to assume that he’d be able to completely remove himself from the world’s troubles since he was the driver of the Aegis even if he had managed to elude the Tornan throne. Living the life of a hermit in the sticks completely removed from it all as he wanted likely wasn’t going to happen after the fight against Malos even if Torna’s tragic fate had been averted. 

In Torna, Addam was depicted as the popular and warm hearted prince of his nation with the majority of his people preferring him to be the next in line towards ascending the Tornan throne over his far less popular uncle (Prince Zetter). The ONLY reason Addam was not was because he’s fourth in line to the throne while Prince Zetter was first in line. 

However, Addam didn’t want to rule. He didn’t care about power and he was ultimately afraid of the man he might become should he ascend the throne. He didn’t want the pressure of ruling. He didn’t want power or to be in the spotlight in any way. All he wanted was the freedom to live his life in peace with his wife and soon to be born child away from politics, away from heroism and glory.

Definitely not bad or unreasonable desires in and of themselves for sure, and again, in ANY other story, he surely would have been the relatable, noble, humble, down-to-earth prince who just wanted to be free of it all and would have probably been “rewarded” with the chance to live in peace with his family after achieving victory against a great world threatening force (again, Addam did still save the whole world despite everything else).

Instead, that very attitude of doggedly pursuing his desire for farm life completely removed from it all at the expense of EVERYTHING else happening around him in his life (including his status as an Aegis driver, that in itself a life long commitment to “heroism” in his case whether he knew and/or wanted it or not), combined with his deep insecurities and fears, sadly only served as the root cause of all his issues both as a prince of his nation and the driver of the Aegis, as well as contributing to his ultimate failure at saving and helping either one. He (understandably) didn’t want the throne so he often discouraged people from talking about him ascending it mainly because he was afraid of what sort of person he could potentially become while ruling. 

Never mind the fact, that regardless of what he wanted, he might have been forced to accept the responsibility of the throne due to popular vote alone (as well as the King himself constantly saying and declaring that Addam was far more fit to rule despite it being Prince Zetter’s birthright). Also, by being the driver of the Aegis, he would have been forced in the spotlight no matter what. He could/would have been forced to play the role of hero for longer than just stopping Malos had things played out differently. 

I seriously doubt that even if Torna had been spared and everyone made it out alive that Amalthus (and others in Indol like him) was just going to stand idle. He was going to use those flawed blade eaters and those flesh eaters for something surely, and he probably still would have eventually murdered his way towards becoming Praetor….Given that Amalthus was already a scheming monster even back then, he definitely would have taken the opportunity to retrieve and/or kill Mythra even if everything had turned out fine for Torna and the party.

The bottom line was Addam was a prince of Torna, meaning he had responsibilities that he may not have been able to completely avoid regardless of how frightened he might have been about ruling his nation or how much he longed for a peaceful existence completely and utterly removed from politics and heroism after defeating Malos. 

Sadly though, he held himself back from fully embracing those responsibilities (largely out of fear) even before everything went to hell and even well before he brought Mythra into his life. And by the time he sealed Mythra/Pyra away, he had lost the majority of the people loyal to him (the Addamites as well as Team Lora) to Amalthus’s awful attack on Spessia where they had evacuated after Torna fell, and only the Counter-Addamites were left in power in Tantal. 

So, even if he had gone back to Tantal, I’m not sure if he would have been able to do much and his presence probably would have caused even more conflict and war, probably being the reason why he “chose not to return” to Tantal after everything had happened. Well, and it wouldn’t be too much of a stretch to assume he was ashamed that his weakness with Mythra doomed Torna to its tragic fate and couldn’t bare to face his people because of it. 

Addam’s weaknesses as Mythra’s driver, the subsequent tragedies, and her eventual sealing, combined with his inaction with politics regarding the Tornan throne throughout his campaign and his eventual disappearance from the world and history after the Aegis War, sadly only left a power vacuum. And Amalthus (along with Addam’s other opposition in Prince Zetter and the other Counter-Addamites) were all too ready to take FULL advantage of it. 

Though to be fair, despite the power vacuum left behind, Addam sealing Mythra/Pyra away did effectively keep her out of Amalthus’s clutches until a time came where someone truly worthy of her would awaken her again (considering Amalthus’s status as a master driver and what we saw in the base game, he would have been able to control her eventually too).

Even so, Addam still fell into a similar pattern with being Mythra’s driver. He saw what Malos could do prior to even resonating with Mythra and thus he was (understandably) afraid of the wrath that he could potentially bring down upon the world (see the unfortunate pattern?), and thus closed his heart and mind from learning about the true nature of her powers. 

Mythra’s true Aegis power (from what we eventually see in the base game with Rex and Pneuma), can only be described as “All Creation” or reality manipulation, i.e, “The power to manifest what you imagine”. Addam thought that Mythra’s powers could only cause destruction based solely on what he saw from Malos so he held himself (and by extension her) back from using those powers out of fear. If he only had a more open heart and mind towards her, he would have realized that her power could have been quite literally whatever he wanted it to be (something that’s implied he realized during Mythra’s rampage in their final battle against Malos, but again, it was too late at that point). 

He forgot that Mythra, even if she was another Aegis, was still her OWN person and being an Aegis didn’t automatically mean she was just going to run wild like Malos eventually did. Nor should Addam have constantly compared himself to Amalthus. He and Amalthus were two different people and drivers and just because Amalthus lost control of Malos didn’t automatically mean that Addam would lose control of Mythra.

As unintentional as it might have been on his end, Addam had no faith or confidence in himself as the driver of the Aegis and thus no faith or confidence in Mythra as his blade. Never once during his time as her active driver did he truly consider that his negative thoughts of him being too afraid to properly use Mythra’s power would taint her perspective on herself as well through his resonance with her. Never once thought that, rather than saving people from her potential wrath by opting to not use her true powers in any capacity that he was instead completely preventing himself from truly connecting with Mythra and learning about her. 

And once he finally did get a clue on all of that, it was far too late for him to fix his issues with her. And even though Addam saw Mythra more or less as a surrogate daughter or “kid” of sorts, that otherwise heartwarming bond was fundamentally undermined by his fear of her, and it kept him from truly accepting her as both an individual and the Aegis, as well as kept him from seeing and respecting Mythra as an equal partner, friend and comrade in the same vein he saw Minoth, Team Lora and Team Hugo. 

Addam’s desire for a peaceful life and being a father was perfectly fine. Subconsciously imposing the “daughter” identity onto Mythra through his resonance with her to the point of outright rejecting her true nature (Pneuma) as an all powerful blade/Aegis (as in the daughter of the Architect himself) out of fear? Yeah…not so much and he paid a HUGE price for that. 

The world didn’t need an all powerful blade with a “childish” mentality to save it even if Addam (understandably) longed for fatherhood himself over being a hero. The world needed the Aegis in her truest form (Pneuma). And the world needed a driver for her that was actually willing to accept and use that power to not just stop Malos, but to also guide humanity towards a brighter future (again, all things he realized far too late and outright mentions in the final message he entrusted to Pyra).

While the surrogate parenting or mentoring (or whatever) from Addam was necessary to a certain degree (since again his desire for fatherhood combined with his intense fears of Aegises is implied to have completely messed up his resonance with the green Aegis core from the very beginning), again, ultimately, Mythra didn’t need a “father” figure in him (nor did she really want that deep down as I pointed out earlier). 

She wanted and needed a driver. A TRUE driver. She was expected to be the light of hope for humanity in their darkest hour 500 years ago. However, as Rex will later eventually see and understand once he comes along 500 years later, Addam had failed to truly understand (again until it was far too late for Torna) that Mythra needed someone to be HER light of hope before she could bring hope to everyone else. Again there’s a reason why 500 years later that it wasn’t until Rex proved himself to her as her true driver (i.e., her true emotional anchor) that her true power and nature was ever revealed to him.

Addam was always either too afraid or too hesitant to step up when and where it mattered the most sadly despite his potential for greatness and heroism whether it be with possibly ruling his nation or being the driver of the Aegis. He spent far too much time in his own head stewing in negative hypotheticals (i.e. worrying about the potential consequences of his actions) and that hindered his ability to step up and act when necessary. 

And again, a lot of the fears he carried plus the lack of acceptance in all facets of his royal upbringing were his own personal problems and flaws that he never reconciled even before he became Mythra’s driver. Not helping matters is that Mythra represented literally everything in his life he wanted no part of (heroism, royal duties, notoriety, no peace and quiet, basically his life wouldn’t be his own in a way, etc).

Addam being hindered by the “potential” consequences of his actions was definitely one of the major differences between him and Rex despite a lot of other similarities. And in the end, all it amounted to was Addam fundamentally having the opportunities to do great things with both his country (and by extension the world) and his blade, but failing to truly capitalize on them.

By not (subconsciously) fully committing himself to the role as driver of the Aegis, and by not fully seizing the opportunity to guide his nation and the world towards salvation and prosperity when he had the chance (again being too (understandably) hyper focused on achieving his dream of a peaceful farm life with his family completely and utterly removed from everyone and everything), he instead, unwittingly played a part in causing irreparable damage to his nation (and the world for 500 years until Rex and co come along) in spite of achieving victory against Malos. That’s not even getting into the (near) irreparable emotional damage that Mythra (and Pyra) suffered and carried alone for 500 years as a result of his incompetence and fear as her driver. And well….because of all of that….the rest was tragic history….

Not helping matters is that Addam resonated with Mythra in a time period before the “core cleansing” (Amalthus hadn’t yet become Praetor and hadn’t yet started tampering/abusing his master driver powers and stealing data from core crystals) and the whole “passing the weapon” battle style, something that deepened the connection between driver and blade both on and off the battlefield was still a new concept for most other drivers and blades in this time period (including Addam himself) prior to meeting Lora/Jin/Haze. 

Despite how wrong Amalthus was for later doing so (because he was starving the world of Titans for people to live on and hurting other blades to suit his own twisted idea of salvation), the core cleansing DID increase the pool of potential drivers by a much larger margin by the time Rex and co are involved, meaning that there were far more drivers around that could offer tips and other useful information about drivers and blades and their connections with each other. 

However, in Torna’s time period, people everywhere had to rely on the natural pool of potential drivers (which was stated to be naturally very low and exactly why we only see a very small handful of drivers and blades around in Torna’s time period outside the main party). As a consequence, the synergy/affinity/bond/connection between drivers and blades at large wasn’t near as developed as it would become centuries later. As I mentioned before Lora’s type of bond she forged with both Jin and Haze was considered extremely rare back then. 

So, in other words, there were very few people back then outside the party who could have offered a second opinion or perspective. I have to wonder how different things might have been for Torna 500 years ago had there been a “Vandam” type character outside the party that could have helped both Addam and Mythra get over themselves with all of his “Power depends on the heart of it’s wielder” and “If we don’t use our power because we’re scared of it, we’re done for” flavor of wisdom…

It’s all even more tragic in a way considering that some time during the interim between TTGC and XBC2, during her long slumber Mythra must have thought of ways to become more creative, strategical, refined and precise in the use of her powers on her own considering her introduction to the base game party and how she guides Rex against Malos and Akhos. 

Not to mention Mythra/Pyra was often the one taking charge and leading the base game party out of trouble and/or coming up with the battle strategies and/or insights on where to go or what to do next. The second encounter against Brighid and Morag as well as the first boss fight against Mikhail and Patroka were a couple prime examples of many, showing that she indeed had the capacity to learn in that regard. It could have very well been possible in Addam’s time had he just not been so afraid of her power and encouraged her a bit more when it came to using it. 

Don’t get me wrong, Addam was completely justified in worrying about Mythra becoming the next Malos, and she flat out says that she has no interest in the fate of humans, the world or its future on more than one occasion to be fair. Those are words from her that Rex never hears keep in mind by the time he comes into her life, so Rex has even less cause to be wary of her.

And as I mentioned earlier, Addam seemed less interested in getting to understand Mythra’s powers, her feelings and bringing out her full potential and getting to understand what it truly meant to be the driver of the Aegis and shouldering that burden, or even trying to understand what an “Aegis” truly was because of that very fear and more interested in just stopping Malos so he can work the fields in peace (and given the fact that he’s married and expecting a child no one could truly blame him for that), which while good for him (and again perfectly understandable), that still would have left a divine and all powerful being like Mythra wholly unfulfilled which she alludes to in a rather chilling moment between them when she and Addam were in Indol together after she asks him what they were going to do after defeating Malos “Well that [going home and working the land was Addam’s response] might be good enough for you. But some others might….not be…too pleased with that….” 

While definitely unintentional on his end (Addam was a kind hearted man and I’m 100% positive he more than likely intended for her to be a part of his family along with Milton. Well, after defeating Malos anyway), the fact that he seemed overall more interested in merely using her to defeat Malos so he and his family could live in peace and ultimately less interested in becoming the driver that Mythra needed and deserved (at least until it was far too late for it to matter to him, to her or to the rest of the Tornans and their Titan/Nation), there was this sort of unintentional, but still rather unfortunate implication lingering between them that Mythra was only a means to an end for him. He was unintentionally relegating her existence to little more than a super weapon against Malos with nothing really concretely planned to do with her after that regardless of how much he genuinely wanted what was best for her like a father would have in a sense (again, totally 100% unintentional on his end but still somewhat there sadly).

That crippling fear again also definitely played a huge part in that rather disastrous resonance issue between them when Mythra totally snapped after Malos killed Milton. It’s pretty tragically ironic to note that the scenario that Addam feared the most and was trying desperately to prevent throughout the DLC (Mythra losing control of her power and basically becoming the next Malos in a sense) came about ultimately (on his part in their resonance issues anyway) not because Mythra was “inexperienced” or “careless” like he half expected because before Malos did the unthinkable and killed Milton, she was completely on board with the idea of taking down Malos together alongside her friends at that point and had come to value the ties of friendship she forged with all of them and had matured greatly as well as becoming far closer to the more tempered Mythra that we’d eventually see in the base game five centuries later. She had changed for the better, but Addam had not.

Sadly, the disastrous situation came about (again on his part in their resonance issues) because he himself never did anything to try to overcome his fear (despite acknowledging the fear to Lora in an early cutscene) and strengthening his resonance with Mythra.  

Even with all of that said, his fear of the Aegis wrath in general was justified sadly because Malos at full power was already on the rampage sowing death and destruction long before Addam resonated with Mythra so that understandably didn’t help with the fear at all (and sort of subconsciously colored his perception of Aegises in general in the negative from the very beginning unfortunately but understandably). 

However, Torna The Golden Country did also show that for all intent and purposes, Addam actually did possess the purity and strength of heart and character to potentially wield the true power of the Aegis (the “aptitude” to quote the base game) because face it, if he didn’t hold the potential in itself to do so he would not have been able to resonate with Pueuma’s core crystal period. 

Not to mention that he was far more experienced as a driver than Rex, but tragically, that crippling fear held him back from ever realizing his potential for both him and Mythra and things sadly got really FUBAR in the final hours of the expansion as a result. Though of course not all of it was his fault for sure. Circumstances just weren’t on Addam’s side. Mythra definitely was a loose cannon in this DLC for certain particularly in the beginning which didn’t do the best of jobs reassuring him, and Malos, the other Aegis was making a terrifyingly destructive ass of himself, in addition to giving Addam a clear, tangible reminder of who and what Mythra could become if he didn’t exercise the upmost caution. Let’s not forget that Addam was a prince of his nation and already had hundreds of people’s lives dependent on him and his actions with or without being the driver of the Aegis (but becoming so certainly amplified his already large list of responsibilities). 

Anybody would be hesitant in the above scenario, and it’s a scenario that Rex was never subjected to thanks in large part to Addam and the heroes of the past) but his fear does play a pretty huge part in why things go to hell for him and Mythra ultimately…Like he said…. sadly in the end, no matter how anyone looks at it, he just “wasn’t man enough” and unfortunately (but still understandably) he ultimately paid the tragic price (said price being losing everything important to him) of being only half committed to the role of “Driver of the Aegis”.

Even Jin, for all his respect for Addam back in the day could tell that he was ultimately not meant to be Mythra’s true driver and that Addam’s bond with her lacked…something. And no I don’t mean “romance” or anything like that. A driver and blade don’t always have to be romantically linked to have a strong bond and resonance. Romance certainly helps to be sure, but it’s not an outright requirement. Hugo’s bond with both Aegeaon and Brighid in the Torna expansion as well as Nia and Dromarch from the base game are two examples of many. Rather, Addam and Mythra lacked a genuine sense of trust, faith, understanding and affinity with each other as driver and blade even though they got along well enough otherwise. And this is before everything goes to hell. 

Lora and Jin (after the latter overhears the conversation Lora had with Addam earlier in the expansion about his fears and he gets to know Mythra better) see Addam’s issues with fear and that his resonance with Mythra was lacking because of it (and seeing that it wasn’t so simple a problem as Mythra merely being “careless” or hard to deal with as it appeared on the surface. Partially, but not completely). The problem was neither one seemed to think it important enough (or their place) to note to Addam directly prior to the final battle. 

Nor was Addam ever forced to confront the full ramifications of said fears and how they tainted his resonance with Mythra until it was far too late. Lora thinks Addam will figure it out with time (never mind the fact that time wasn’t exactly a luxury they had and it’s not like that wasn’t obvious) and Jin flat out went meta and said to Mythra that he honestly believed that the bond she had been searching for (”A driver and blade are one in body and soul”) ultimately wouldn’t be found in Addam but with another driver well into the future (which is probably why he didn’t bother to note anything to Addam himself). 

Though to be completely fair, just like Addam had ample reason to fear the true power of the Aegis, Rex had plenty of reasons and completely differing circumstances from Addam that worked in his favor that led him to ultimately being able to accept Mythra/Pyra. 

Despite that though, Rex does still start off with a true lack of understanding of Pyra and Mythra’s feelings and their true burden, as well as the knowledge of the ends and outs of being a driver period, (let alone the driver of the Aegis) before shit hit the fan for him too. Because let’s face it. He was more or less an immature, inexperienced, clueless and reckless idiot for roughly seven chapters before he finally got it together (something he himself notes at the end of said chapter). And just because Rex did ultimately help Pyra and Mythra by accepting them doesn’t mean he didn’t fail a lot before it happened (and even somewhat after the fact). 

Seriously, I get tired of these Rex vs Addam topics that frame Rex as a complete success in every way (as if the boy never failed in any capacity, or as if his successes took place solely in a vacuum of his own skills. Yeah hardly) and framing Addam as a total failure in every way just because the former succeeded with Mythra/Pyra. 

Again, that is a very distorted picture of both their accomplishments for the world as a whole to say the least…Never mind the fact that Addam’s actions five centuries ago kept the entire world from completely ending and gave the future generation a fighting chance, as well as his time with Mythra also had a humanizing factor on her which gave her the experience, clarity and perspective for a blade necessary to counterbalance Rex’s inexperience, naivety and recklessness as a driver.

I’m honestly not trying to take away from Rex’s long list of accomplishments or his eventual character growth (hence the coming of age story), but rather to remind people that the boy actually DID fail at times and that there’s more to his story than just his success with the Aegis. (Not trying to shit on Rex but the boy WAS dumb from time to time….just saying).

Anyway case in point for Rex’s failures, his character flaws, and him just ultimately being a child that’s “stumbling his way forward” (at least for a good stretch of the story): 

Chapter 1 (Encounters) 

He gets himself killed by Jin because of his childish naiveté. He didn’t take the time to investigate the job and his employers. All he heard when he accepted the job was “200,000 gold in total” and common sense just flew right out the window. If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is…and he would have remained dead had Pyra not brought him back out of the kindness of her heart…..

Well that and she was initially just using him to get to Elysium to die herself. Yeah, it’s complicated I guess and this encounter with her shows that Rex is far too naive and trusting for his own good (hell, being too trusting already got the boy killed). Seriously, Pyra and Mythra are subtle as sin when it comes to manipulation and lying by omission, particularly with Rex and this side of their characters will show up again in the final chapter…..

But to be fair, this particular encounter does also put Rex in a better position to bond much more deeply with Pyra (and later Mythra too) because it sets her up as his savior that he’s indebted to rather than a potentially scary world destroying Aegis as the latter was the case for Addam. 

However, let’s not forget the fact that had it not been for Azurda’s daring rescue (which almost cost him his life btw), Rex, Pyra, Nia and Dromarch would have been screwed. And to be frank, this sort of starts a trend for the first five or so chapters of Rex getting bailed out of dealing with his issues of driver inexperience and naivety by some sort of plot contrivance instead of his own skills…

Chapter 2 (Aptitude) 

He and Nia were outmatched by a solo Brighid, and when the enemy captured Nia in one of those ether suppressing nets Rex didn’t want to run and leave her behind. That’s kind on his end but at the same time it also shows a few of his character flaws (immaturity and not knowing when to withdraw from the battlefield and realizing that sometimes a person really can’t save someone) and childish nature working against him. 

Thanks to Rex’s inability to let go, he almost missed his chance to escape and would have been captured as well had (soon-to-be-new-party-member) Tora, (who was trying to snipe the soldiers because he thinks they’re bullies) not missed his target and hit the water pipe that Brighid was standing under, and the water (rather conveniently) weakened Brighid, giving Pyra and Rex a lucky opening to retreat.

And later he and the party were practically useless against Morag and Brighid together and Rex and co have to destroy a whole water tower JUST TO GET THE HELL AWAY FROM THEM. Though, to be completely fair, the way Rex and the team destroyed the water tower was an impressive display of teamwork and timing (and did a good job of showing that Rex did indeed have the capacity to think on his feet as well as his “good instincts” that Brighid notes). 

However, we find out a bit later that little stunt caused A LOT of problems for both him and the common folks. Bandits attacked and ransacked the village of Cordell, one of the only few places left in Gormott that had accessible water, which led Rhys to stealing Roc’s core crystal in an attempt to avenge his now lost home and family not to mention that a lot of the town folks’ livelihoods depended on that water tower and Rex screwed them over by toppling it (though Rex does help little Rhys and his friends find their start as salvagers, enabling them to earn their livings).

Chapter 3 (Our Own War) 

The idea to take an airship straight to the World Tree to get to Elysium….(sigh)…..come on Rex, if it was that easy then the World Tree would be far more accessible to practically anyone with a ship (and Elysium would have been discovered a long time ago). The fact that everyone went along with that idea was pretty egregious…I would have expected at least Nia to call him on that one…not to mention thanks to crashing the ship that Umon let him borrow, it really put Umon out on a limb when it came to his airship business for the majority of the game and made him a depressed suicidal wreck (though to be fair, Rex and Co can later do a series of quests and Merc missions to help Umon get back on track).

Let’s not forget his first encounter against Vandam showed his complete inexperience as a driver (not listening to Pyra telling him to wait because she can’t transfer power that fast) despite having the Aegis on his side and how his bullheadedness there would have gotten him killed had Vandam actually been serious and not the kind man he was. Not to mention that while he does learn and embrace some life long lessons that Vandam passes along to him, Rex still immaturely brushes off Vandam’s warnings about the true burden of being the driver of the Aegis. Vandam rightfully points out that “the whole world is gonna try and scalp you. You realize that?” and that Rex sharing a life force with Pyra is a bigger problem than Rex understands. 

All Rex can respond with are his typical empty platitudes about banding together and that he’ll protect Pyra no matter what and “That’s just how the chips fell. It is what it is” regarding the “sharing their life force” thing. Those are all kind and admirable things to declare for one so young definitely, and I applaud anyone able to smile in the face of adversity don’t get me wrong, but Rex is still so incredibly green at being a driver period and so hopelessly naive about the world and life in general at this point in the narrative that he doesn’t have the power, skill or mature perspective necessary to understand the burden of being the Aegis driver. 

Nor can Rex erase everyone’s (valid) increasing concerns and doubts about some random kid salvager with no obvious driver skill somehow being the Aegis’s driver. Rex is being pretty naive now and will grow somewhat arrogant and complacent once Mythra awakens due to her immense power, “feeling like he can do anything”, but he will pay a very hard price later for brushing off Vandam’s concerns (that hard price taking place towards the end of chapter six and the majority of chapter seven but we’ll get to all of that soon).

Anyway, that’s not to mention Rex’s sheer uselessness and incompetence against Akhos and Malos a bit later contributes to causing the death of his mentor and friend Vandam. And even when it’s clear that he’s outmatched, Rex still goes charging in like an idiot twice. And by the way the first time he doesn’t have the excuse of being in a grief stricken rage because Vandam is still alive the first time. 

Even so, thanks to Rex’s idiotic and reckless behavior, he ends up forcing Vandam to rush in to try and save his ass after he rushes ahead without thinking, charging at Akhos as he starts prattling on about using Obrona’s abilities to disrupt the ether flow in the area with Rex screaming “You’re bluffing!” at Akhos like a cocky and reckless dumbass (sorry I couldn’t resist lol I love Mythra so much. Hey at least she didn’t call Rex one even if admittedly it would have been somewhat justified lol), and the second time Rex rushes off without a plan when it’s clear he’s outmatched is after Malos killed Vandam (when he should have listened to Vandam mere moments prior and fled the battlefield). 

So, I’ll say it plain: it’s pretty clear that it was only thanks to Mythra’s awakening that Rex survived this battle at all considering all he did prior to this point (for pretty much the whole chapter with every fight he was in including this current one) was rush ahead recklessly with no plan of action combined with a rather wasteful use of blade artes. Yeah….if Mythra hadn’t stepped in soon, him charging in like an idiot would have gotten himself killed a second time. 

Despite him and the party not really knowing and understanding the full weight of Mythra’s anger at being brought back (and how her lashing out was less directed at him and more her just being utterly frightened at being back in the real world and just reacting very poorly) her harsh words to him about his incompetence and him not possessing the maturity to know when to hold back and withdraw and learning to accept his own limitations as just one person in the world (something that Addam will also later call him out on) and blindly rushing the enemy weren’t without merit which he even admits and notably, to give Rex some credit, from this point on he doesn’t just go charging his enemies blindly anymore. 

It doesn’t really help that Rex’s only defense to Mythra calling him on his immaturity and recklessness is “I couldn’t hand you over to them. I wanted to keep you safe”. Sure, that line from him sort of stopped Mythra’s rant, (and it’s clear she feels guilty about taking her frustrations out on Rex at the moment and wasn’t expecting the concern from him), but it still didn’t negate her main point at all. Now, his intentions may have been noble, but the bottom line was that sometimes if a person is outmatched in battle then they’re just outmatched. Period. And that sometimes fleeing the battlefield IS the proper way to ensure the safety of one’s friends/comrades in arms especially when given an opening to do so. 

And before anyone tries to say “well there’s no guarantee that Rex and Co. would have escaped anyway”, well maybe and maybe not but that’s not really the point here to be candid. The fact that Rex didn’t even attempt to do so when Vandam clearly gave him an opening only further highlighted both his immaturity and recklessness, as well as the fact that Rex wasn’t quite ready to do what it took to not only “fight his own war” but to also win it (i.e accept that sacrifices are sometimes inevitable during a war and learn to respect that choice when another person willingly decides to make that personal sacrifice for the greater good). 

And merely charging forward in a blind rage regardless only just further endangered the team and those around him and was just foolish and immature (and frankly, just spitting on Vandam’s sacrifice) and would have cost more lives in the long run (something Mythra is ALL TOO AWARE OF given what happened to her 500 years ago against Malos). So, as far as I was concerned, it was about time someone really called him out on his stupidity of charging into a battle blindly and/or losing his head and wasting blade artes when provoked (again, from this point onwards he stops all of that) so he could start developing beyond that crap…

However, to be fair, this whole first encounter with Mythra’s awakening sets her up as a savior and protector to Rex (and the rest of the party), and since she used her powers (that she apparently loathes for very valid reasons not immediately obvious to the party at the moment) to ultimately protect and save them all from certain death, they’re all more than willing to learn about her along with Pyra and they accept Mythra into the group wholeheartedly despite her abrasiveness and her “pretty crazy” powers, something she more than likely wasn’t expecting given all the insults and bullying she suffered in the past.

This becomes more obvious a bit later when the party is in Mor Ardain in the next chapter. Mythra does have a nice bonding moment with Nia and Poppi in the hot springs with Nia trusting her with a very important secret of hers no less, and Rex declares shortly after (once he teases her a bit about her “touchiness” lol) that he wants to get to know about her too just like he does Pyra. 

Though again, as Rex outright admits when Pyra tries to apologize for Mythra’s behavior, her harsh words towards him weren’t exactly without merit and he takes it as tough love and ultimately learns something from the whole experience (and is willing to accept his culpability in Vandam’s death). He outright THANKS Pyra/Mythra for “Protecting everyone” with her powers (a very significant gesture even if Rex isn’t fully aware of just how much so at this point) and declares that “Her powers are incredible. I could feel the truth behind the legends”, implying that he’s hoping that he has the opportunity see more of what Pyra and Mythra are capable of in the future. Also, he is actually encouraging them to use their power when it’s necessary and wholeheartedly believes that her power is the power “to keep others safe and smiling” (again very significant).

The only thing Rex admonished Pyra/Mythra for was their constant apologizing for using those powers at all. A stark, but very much needed and welcomed, (if unexpected from Pyra/Mythra’s perspective), contrast to everyone around her 500 years ago (especially her driver back then) constantly implying and declaring how dangerous her powers were and that she’d only cause “too many casualties and too much destruction” if she used them in any capacity whatsoever.

Chapter 4 (Aegis) 

He’s pretty helpless against Rosa story wise (Pyra’s not strong enough to make a dent in her and Mythra’s power doesn’t work that well in the tight indoor space they were in lest she bring the entire building down around them) and it’s only thanks to Poppi’s new mode that they won that battle. 

Not to mention that he has to be saved by Morag and Brighid when Mikhail and Patroka show up and even then, Mythra was the one who ultimately defeated them (by killing off their blades). Then he’s bailed out again (after Patroka snaps and is about to unleash hell) by Haze/Fan La Norne’s ability to restrict blades (which forces Mikhail and Patroka to retreat) and she does kind of show up out of nowhere from Rex’s point of view.

Chapter 5 (Masters and Slaves) 

He and the team fail to defeat Jin despite Haze’s ability to restrict his powers which resulted in Haze’s/Fan La Norne’s death. Not to mention that it takes Amalthus and Indol stepping in to prevent Mor Ardain and Uraya from going into all out war (Jin and the rest of Torna had set the two countries against each other). The whole reason Rex and co went to Temperantia was to try and stop the fighting between the two nations before it started. They took too long fighting off Jin and that titan weapon and again had Indol not stepped in there would have been a meaningless war between Uraya and Mor Ardain. 

It’s also worth noting that when Amalthus calls the meeting of the world leaders and the ceasefire between Mor Ardain and Uraya, that Rex, despite being Mythra’s driver, isn’t deemed important or experienced enough to stand beside her during the meeting to testify about Malos and Torna. It’s actually implied that had he attended the meeting, Mythra, Zeke, and Morag’s credibility would have been questioned if not outright compromised.

Chapter 6 (Wounds) 

Do I even need to go into how Jin utterly humiliated Rex and the party here and took Pyra/Mythra away? Not to mention that this chapter does a very good job of showing that even with the power of the Aegis on his side, and despite some improvements in his driver capabilities, Rex still really doesn’t know what he’s doing and up until this point he’s just been beam spamming Pyra and Mythra’s abilities (and that’s just been enough to keep him alive up until this point thanks in large part to Mythra and her power/experience) and not really understanding what it truly means to be driver and blade (as he said in chapter 5 he’s just “stumbling his way forward”). 

As Jin points out to him, despite the heavy wounds Pyra/Mythra had, Rex didn’t even notice and all he was thinking about in the moment was himself (and to be blunt, Jin had a valid point on Rex being a “pitiful, childish fool” at this point in the story). At the moment, he’s on a similar path as Addam was when it came to the Aegis in a way (on the path to failure with her because he can’t or won’t get over himself). 

In Addam’s case he was too focused on stopping Malos and not truly understanding and realizing that there was much more to being the driver of the Aegis than just merely stopping another Aegis’s destructive rampage and that he needed to work on conquering his fear so he could truly bond with Mythra (and get out of his own head about said fears and worrying about what MIGHT happen with Mythra instead of focusing on what WAS happening with her, i.e., she was remaining loyal to him, indicating that she had more faith in him than he ultimately did in her). Not to mention that regardless of his desire to take up farming and settle down with his family well removed from everything, his troubles in his kingdom as well as his status as the Aegis’s driver would have all but prevented that. And sadly he didn’t realize his short-sighted mistakes until everything had already gone to hell around him (right after Torna’s destruction). 

Rex, in comparison at this point, is too focused on trying to get to Elysium so he can “find the answers they’re all looking for” and merely trying to pay Pyra and Mythra back for their kindness of bringing him back from the dead by fulfilling their request to be escorted to Elysium. He’s naively believing that everything will just somehow work out for everyone once they arrive, (and not realizing that there’s much more to being an Aegis’s driver than just an escort mission) and just ultimately not understanding what it means to be driver and blade and what he’s truly involved himself in by being the driver of the Aegis. 

Similarly to how Addam didn’t understand how his fears messed everything up for him and Mythra from the beginning (and were steadily doing so throughout his campaign with her until it was too late), Rex is not realizing just how detrimental both his inexperience and his ignorance (of “Aegises”) really is to Pyra and Mythra and not truly understanding the immense guilt, loss, and sacrifice they’ve carried over the centuries, and not truly understanding what it means to carry those burdens with her. 

Seriously, being completely ignorant of everything (Rex) can be just as bad as being too fearful and unprepared to act when and where it matters most (Addam). And regardless of whichever the lack of understanding is stemming from (fear or inexperience from Addam and Rex respectively), at this point, it still amounts to the same thing for the Aegis: That Pyra and Mythra aren’t truly being understood and accepted for who and what they are. That they’re being held back and feeling alienated by their drivers (unintentional as it may have been in both cases) and feeling like they have no real place in the world. 

None of that is even getting into Rex’s lack of knowledge about being a driver period since this is the same chapter he even finds out how blade weapons work and we’re over halfway through the game at this point and his driver inexperience is still serving as a serious issue and hindrance. 

To be perfectly candid, prior to me as the player experiencing just how badly the party was going to lose here, I was wondering “Okay….so just what sort of plot contrivance is going to bail Rex out of dealing with his issues of inexperience, immaturity and naivety THIS time?”. I mean let’s recap, chapter 1) Pyra sacrificing half her life and Azurda’s rescue, chapter 2) Tora with his boom biter, chapter 3) Mythra’s awakening, chapter 4) Haze/Fan La Norne coming out of nowhere with her blade restricting powers, chapter 5) Indol and Amalthus stepping in to prevent war between Uraya and Mor Ardain……Yeah.

But to my surprise there was nothing bailing him out this time and of course, because Rex is so inexperienced with being a driver period (much less the driver of the Aegis) the expected thing happens: He’s finally forced to confront head on the full ramifications of essentially being a light hearted kid (and somewhat cocky kid as well because of Mythra’s power until it didn’t work here. As Rex said “No….Mythra’s attack didn’t…..”) playing at hero with an all powerful blade but with he himself possessing little to no driver skill and understanding. 

In other words, he straight up loses both the battle and Pyra/Mythra and he has nothing but his own shortcomings and inexperience to blame for it. He even says at the beginning of the next chapter that “When I became the driver of the Aegis. Her driver. I felt like I could do anything. But I was just kidding myself” indicating that his ego received a massive boost until reality hit him hard here (which would probably go a long way towards explaining a lot of Rex’s earlier recklessness in previous chapters prior to this moment). Yeah….having an all powerful weapon/blade at one’s disposal actually doesn’t make a person invincible, especially when said person is lacking in skill, experience and understanding. Who knew?

Well that and to be completely fair, given the title of the next chapter (”The Fear She Carries”), as well as what we saw her do to Malos back in TTGC in their final battle and the immense power she generated out of rage, it’s also heavily implied that Mythra was holding back A LOT of her power to avoid a repeat of Torna because there’s NO way Jin would have stood a chance against Mythra otherwise (let alone her true Pneuma form which is proven in the next chapter) even in his full flesh eater form.

Chapter 7 (The Fear She Carries) 

Now don’t get me wrong, Rex’s despair at losing so thoroughly to Jin (and losing Pyra/Mythra to the enemy as a result) was very justified. However, it still doesn’t change the fact that had it not been for the party talking him out of giving up he would have straight up left for Argentum like a little kid just because things were getting too tough for him. It’s just further reason why I personally believe that had Rex as he is in the base game had been in Addam’s place 500 years ago, his inexperience as a driver would have been far more damaging and would have doomed the world. (More on this point a bit later). 

That’s not getting into the fact that ultimately Rex was partially responsible for putting Pyra/Mythra in that position in the first place (by them giving him half her life force because he got himself killed back in chapter one), and his inexperience at being a driver cost him the battle with Jin, which forced Pyra/Mythra to surrender themselves to the enemy (as well as not yet understanding the full weight of being the Aegis’s driver due to said inexperience) and was more or less spitting on all the sacrifices they made for him by even entertaining the notion of leaving them behind without even trying to rescue them (basically taking Pyra/Mythra and the gift of life they gave him for granted) which both Nia and Brighid waste no time calling him out on given what the latter overheard between Pyra and Corinne back in Fonsett Village.

The full weight of the responsibility as the “driver of the Aegis” (along with all the hardships and fears that come along with that role) and what Vandam tried to warn Rex about back in chapter three is only just now beginning to truly sink in for him (that “Rex, you’re the driver of the Aegis. The whole world is gonna try and scalp you. You realize that? How are you gonna live when you’ve got everyone gunning for you? Be easier to run. All you’ve gotta do is ditch that girl.”). 

And now Rex has to confront (and ultimately conquer) a similar fear that Addam struggled with all throughout his campaign with the Aegis (and that Addam ultimately failed to conquer): the fear of ultimately not being up to the task and possibly, unwittingly, causing irreparable harm to the people he cares about and the world. Only now Rex has the additional weight of retrieving her from the enemy that completely handed him his ass a mere two days ago….

As I said before, Rex immaturely brushed off Vandam’s warnings back in chapter three with his typical optimistic nonchalance and empty naive platitudes of “I’ll protect her” and “We can make it together”, and now he’s paying the price for his complacency and arrogance born of naïveté. 

With Pyra/Mythra effectively stolen from him directly under his watch (despite declaring that he’d protect her), he’s now forced to see that blind optimism alone is not going to be enough for him to achieve success in his quest towards Elysium or being Pyra/Mythra’s true driver. Nor does merely having that power make him a completely invincible hero and he now has only two choices before him:

 1) He can either continue to internalize those self-doubts and negative feelings and shy away from the responsibility as Pyra/Mythra’s driver out of fear and distance himself from her like Addam did throughout his campaign (and after the Aegis War). Notably, this is actually exactly what Rex initially starts doing in the beginning of this chapter after waking up from his two day coma trying to head for Argentum after losing her. 

2) Or Rex can choose to face himself and those self-doubts and fears head-on, do what even Addam himself could not, and truly rise to the challenge of being the driver of the Aegis before it really is too late for her and the rest of the world. 

Thankfully, unlike Addam and Mythra’s old friends and allies from the past who shared in Addam’s fearful concerns about Mythra and her power (not without reason though admittedly) and unwittingly reinforced those fears and (unintentionally) pushed Addam toward the first option (with disastrous consequences), Rex and Pyra/Mythra’s friends in this time, (along with the King of Tantal outright revealing the third sword and it’s speculated location, renewing the party’s hope with the mention of Pyra/Mythra’s greater power existing in their obvious time of need), they all (not so gently) outright shove Rex toward the latter choice and help him realize that now is not the time to shy away from that duty or his dream of traveling to Elysium alongside the Aegis, and that it’s hardships and defeats like this one where a person can truly have the opportunity to see and reach their full capabilities and potential. 

However, the game still doesn’t shy away from calling Rex out on his inexperience, as several characters throughout the XBC2 story even prior to this moment (both in the party and out) have noted how “green” Rex is as a driver, and were understandably worried that his inexperience as a driver would cause the Aegis to either 1) lose control of her power just like she did in the past, and considering she brought the world’s most powerful titan down (Torna) in a matter of minutes if not in a few hours 500 years ago in a fit of pique with her full power that not even “the great hero Addam” could control….well yeah, or 2) the Aegis would fall into the wrong hands. Reality finally kicked in for the plot regarding Rex and his inexperience. The latter outcome happened and now it’s all come to a head.

King Eulogimenos of Tantal said it best: “Now Rex, you were defeated by Jin. Doubtless, that man is a powerful warrior. But even so, can this be right? Can the Aegis herself truly be outmatched by a single opposing blade? Would it not make more sense to presume…that you lost because you have yet to unlock the true power of the Aegis?

And later after trekking to the end of the Spirit Crucible Elpys, while admittedly a victory in itself (and his salvager training does indeed come in handy with helping him deal with the “hard to breathe” conditions of the place that hinder most of the rest of the party), he still would have gotten overwhelmed by Addam’s Phantasms (long before they acknowledged Rex as “the one”) had Nia not revealed her flesh eater status to the party and saved him. Though to be fair, the fact that Nia had finally grown comfortable enough to reveal her true nature to him and the party was due in large part to Rex himself. 

Not to mention that while Rex is the one that rouses them (and that is his victory of course. Not saying it isn’t), it still doesn’t change the fact that he and the party were just mere seconds shy of being completely doomed against Jin and Malos at the end of the chapter (whom which the latter had just regained ALL of his Aegis abilities and from what we saw in TTGC, that’s not a good thing….) had Pyra/Mythra not woken up when they did in their “true” form…Because as Mythra will say to Rex in chapter 8, she and Pyra made a choice as well to continue on and “not to live in fear”. 

Had Rex not finally gotten his shit together in time, they might have not chosen to accept him as their driver or chosen to live on period as I noted near the beginning of the post about just how crucial a strong driver/blade bond really is to a blade. Despite that though, it was ultimately still Addam who told Rex what to do in order to help Pyra/Mythra. We can’t just selectively ignore that fact either. 

It is also worth noting that the Aegis herself was almost disposed of permanently, and history was mere seconds shy of tragically repeating itself in an even worse way when it comes to Pyra/Mythra and them having issues with their drivers not getting it together and causing them and the world to suffer because of it thanks to Rex’s immaturity and him stumbling forward without a damn clue for well over half the game.

Despite all of what I said, I’m not blind to Rex’s successes here in this chapter (just not blind to his failures along with his successes). Of course, to give Rex his due, he does acknowledge most, if not all of what I just said on his own in this chapter, and rather maturely and calmly readies himself to face Malos and Jin despite what the former bastard just did to Pyra/Mythra rather than just blindly charging forward like a fool. A stark contrast to how he acted when Vandam was killed (even Malos respects this newfound maturity in Rex enough to note it) and as a result he holds his own pretty well against Jin with some pretty impressive swordsmanship as he’s trying to rouse Pyra/Mythra to come back. 

And in the moment when Rex reaches out to Pyra and Mythra and they’re willing to answer his call by baring their whole being to him mind, body, and soul, (showing that they now don’t just view Rex as a very loving and kind hearted but ultimately a naive and inexperienced boy that stumbled into both their power and their many, many issues (to put it mildly), but now a young man who could and would accept all of who and what they are without fail), it finally and truly feels like he’s legitimately EARNED the right to be the Aegis’s driver (fitting, as this is Pyra and Mythra’s “one true” sword form) instead of just stumbling into the power by complete chance and/or recklessness and stupidity (Dying his way to becoming Pyra’s driver in the beginning due to his childish naiveté/his sheer idiocy and immaturity in chapter three forcing Mythra to come back into play to save his ass). And in light of TTGC, a lot of specific quotes that Rex says to them in his speech stand out so much more now such as “We’ll find out together! We’ll find your place in this world!” and “I won’t let the world burn a second time”. 

This is also just as much a victory for Pyra/Mythra as it is for Rex. In the moment where they accept Rex as their true driver, it really feels like they’re both FINALLY able to start moving forward and look to the future thanks to having someone to truly live for, and gaining a new hope for a future they can safely be a part of to be sure. And it’s not just them feeling and receiving a sense of true attachment and acceptance towards/from Rex, but towards/from everyone else in the party as well. To be honest, these are bonds of true acceptance and love Pyra and Mythra have never truly felt for anyone or received in turn from anyone since being stolen away from their home (courtesy of Amalthus) all those centuries ago. 

Not to say that Mythra didn’t grow to eventually cherish her first group of friends by the end of their journey together. Notably, during her final battle against Malos 500 years ago, she sees visions of her current friends first before the future visions of Rex. So she certainly did. However, in this new generation, it truly feels more like Pyra/Mythra have a place and acceptance in the world with Rex and co in a way that honestly wasn’t really there for them with their first group of allies 500 years ago. 

I think Jin said it best 500 years ago “Your real affinity lies somewhere in the future, not in the time we’re in now”. Sure, he was talking about Mythra’s true driver affinity, but I think that sentiment could also extend to the newfound group of friends/family she’s a part of now. 

To me, Rex being chosen as the salvager to find Pyra/Mythra was a mere technicality in being the start to setting everything right after what happened in Torna’s time period. No. THIS moment here was truly the beginning of the end of the “500 year long curse” , the first real visible crack in the tragic cycle, as far as I was concerned.

And to give Addam some credit too, this is the chapter in which we find out that he was the one who founded Fonsett Village five centuries ago. What if Addam hadn’t done that? Rex’s biological mother and father would have had nowhere to find refuge for him (both of his parents were fatally wounded in some unknown tragedy and Rex was barely two years old at that point). Rex would have died long before the story began. So, Addam indirectly saved his life. Just something else to consider. 

Not to mention that Hero’s Rest/Fonsett Village itself was founded on the dream that Addam always held for himself but could never truly achieve: A carefree village well removed from the woes of society and politics where the people there all love and support each other. The game makes a point of saying that only someone from this sort of village in general could become the true driver of the Aegis. Growing up removed from the harsher realities of the world gave Rex (and others from the village) a very unique flavor of optimism and hope for the future not found in other settlements and titans (things that both Morag and Zeke note).  

And again, Addam was ultimately the one who guided Rex in helping the Aegis rediscover and reconnect with her “true” self. With his final words of wisdom to Rex in the Elpys (”When you take on the weight of all the fear she carries, then you will be her true driver”), and trusting that Rex will be able to achieve what he could not, Addam’s spirit is finally able to find peace and move on from the past after being bound to the world for 500 years, and I’d say that Addam and Mythra’s story has come full circle now with Mythra/Pyra finally finding what they were looking for and with Addam finally able to truly help and support her without fear (as he admits he should have done in the first place).

Chapter 8 (World Tree) 

Rex does get a break here at least and to be fair he’s matured quite a bit from the inexperienced and reckless kid he was from the start. And it’s nice to see him and Mythra bonding and him able to finally get her to open up to him considering the bulk of the “ship tease” has centered around the Pyra persona. If I recall correctly, this point (and beyond) is where the player may start receiving a post battle quote between Azurda and Mythra with her admitting that “her spirit is all the warmer thanks to him [Rex]” after he asks her if she thinks Rex is shaping up to be a good driver for her or not. Though despite all of that, some of the aforementioned inexperience driver problems still exist for him which leads me into….

Chapter 9 (Rain) 

Even if Rex has unlocked the master driver program….Amalthus’s level of experience and mastery with the same power puts Rex to shame to be honest even considering the Amp towers/half of Haze’s core crystal that Amalthus was using. Just a case of reality ensues. Rex might have unlocked Pneuma’s true powers, but there’s a huge difference in merely unlocking that power and truly mastering it. All Rex can really do with the master driver program is borrow blades from the other party members, and to be fair he’s still a decent fighter with or without that power so that helps a bit. 

Still nowhere near what Amalthus demonstrates overall (bonding, or I guess stealing in his case) with other blades in addition to: erasing blade memories, stealing data from their Core Crystals, creating Blade Eaters, as well as the “core cleansing” that Amalthus does earlier in chapter 5. Of course, Rex wouldn’t abuse the power like that even if he had full mastery, but it still doesn’t change the fact that ultimately Amalthus’s experience with the master driver program is more developed than his by far. 

Though to be completely fair, he, Mythra and Poppi do succeed in destroying the Amp towers Amalthus was using to control the other titans. However, even later when the party faces Amalthus in battle, even with Pyra/Mythra’s true power, Rex still gets overwhelmed (thanks again to the whole “sharing their life force” issue after Mythra takes an attack that was meant for Jin) and ultimately Jin is the one that saves the day there at the cost of his life (though he goes out with a smile at least and it is nice to see Jin and Mythra patch things up in a sense before his heroic sacrifice after all the pain and resentment between them especially in light of TTGC). 

Chapter 10 (An Thus, Boy Met Girl) 

Finally making it to Elysium to find it a barren wasteland devoid of life. Not to say that that in itself was Rex’s fault (hardly) but it did show that ultimately Rex was putting far too much of his faith in a childish pipe dream to save the world with no clear alternatives should said dream prove to be the total opposite of the reality. The dream world of Elysium was a good one, the reality as we all saw….not so much. And this was something Nia called him out on as early as chapter two but he never stopped to even consider the possibility. 

And furthermore, what if Elysium hadn’t been the barren wasteland we found but instead a bountiful land already inhabited by people living their own lives? I personally don’t think those people would have been happy with foreigners assuming they could just move in on their territory. Rex could have been responsible for starting a whole different war on that front so his initial plan to travel to Elysium to save the world was doomed to fall apart one way or another…..

That’s not even getting into how Klaus/The Architect basically ripped into Rex’s deepest insecurities about the harsh reality of Elysium and his own short comings and it takes Pyra literally just telling her father to stop torturing Rex and the party (they were all going through their own separate tests independent of the one we as the player experienced with Rex) before things really got out of hand. Nothing Rex himself did during those moments disproved or challenged those insecurities. 

Though of course to give Rex his due credit, the Architect himself does decide to no longer remain passive and unresponsive to the troubles of his created world (Alrest) thanks to Rex being who he is and seeing the bond Rex has forged with his daughter (Pyra/Mythra) and that definitely gives the party an edge against Malos in the final battle. And considering Malos has linked up with the ultimate Artifice Aion at this point….well….yeah. Not to mention that had he not met Rex and saw the bond he forged with Pyra/Mythra, the Architect would have just sat by while the entire world was destroyed (and would probably have not granted humanity the “last gift” of the current titans joining together to create enough land for humans to settle on. A new “Elysium” of sorts).

Despite all of that though, Rex still hasn’t quite learned that his constant whining about not wanting to leave people behind, while definitely kind on his end, is still ultimately a problem (and in some cases have left him and the party wide open to the enemy when in a battle or dire situation that forces them to retreat) with his rather long tirade with Mythra/Pyra getting ready to sacrifice themselves before Zeke literally says “How long do you plan on being a baby?”.

Not helping matters is the fact that Pyra/Mythra had to essentially manipulate the entire situation prior to this moment in such a way that would ultimately force Rex to let them go rather than him coming to the conclusion on his own that as much as he hated it, there was nothing he could do to help Pyra/Mythra at that point. Seriously, they can read the boy like a book and show that they’re willing to manipulate a situation to override Rex’s immature stubbornness if need be.

To Rex’s credit though, he eventually does man up here and move on but the cutscene to get to that point was a rather unnecessarily long one because this lesson should have stuck at least a bit better considering what happened with Vandam way back in chapter three….Now don’t mistake that. I’m not in any way saying that Rex didn’t have a right to be upset that the girl he loved was more or less preparing to sacrifice herself (hardly). I’m just merely pointing out that his inability to let go of people in itself (trying to save everyone is admirable but ultimately just not feasible at times) and learn to accept that life is sometimes about sacrifice (harsh but true) has been a recurring flaw in his character and has often caused him and the party a lot of issues that could have been avoided.

Hell, by the time the ending scenes came about with Rex, I was actually glad the game didn’t follow through completely with Pyra/Mythra’s sacrifice…..I was like “damn just throw this kid a bone already”…Hey, I’m just pointing out that Rex failed just as much as he succeeded really. Him accepting Pyra and Mythra doesn’t just all of a sudden negate all of his failures, his character flaws, and his often sheer stupidity and immaturity IMO for well over half the game. 

Nor does his success with Pyra and Mythra somehow negate how Rex’s childish and naive nature often proved to be, yes his greatest strength. That childish innocence being the very factor that helped him save Pyra/Mythra from themselves which in turn led to a lot of other positive changes for the world and ultimately the breaking of the “500 year long curse”). 

However, at times it also served as his greatest weakness (his complete inexperience as a driver and his inability to see his own limitations and accept that sometimes life is about sacrifice especially when he’s the driver of the Aegis often caused him and the party a lot of issues), even with us as the players knowing the full weight of how Addam’s fear held him back from doing what Rex did when it came to the Aegis. 

Also worth noting that I see a lot of is that it isn’t fair to constantly call out Addam on every failure that he made (even if admittedly said failures did lead to a lot of unfortunate events and devastation for both Mythra and the world) without acknowledging his accomplishments and truly appreciating the fact that he did prevent the entire world from burning 500 years ago and how he stepped up for the Aegis after the fact to at least ensure that Mythra and Pyra (and by extension the whole world) would eventually be saved (which again, gave the future generation a fighting chance thanks to Addam and his friends and their sacrifices). 

Sadly again though, Mythra losing her head in rage and blowing up Torna was his rather unfortunate reality check on how damaging his preconceived fears were for his resonance with her which obviously (and unfortunately) didn’t afford him time to make things right to prevent the devastation she caused….Even so, Addam surely devoted himself to Mythra after the fact despite sealing her away (for 500 years even after his death no less) to try and make up for not being the driver she needed him to be during his time with her.

By contrast, it isn’t fair to completely gloss over and/or ignore Rex’s often sheer stupidity and his failures even if he did manage to save Pyra and Mythra from themselves by accepting them and even if admittedly, that was a major first step in setting right everything that had gone wrong in the past. He even acknowledges himself how clueless, immature, inexperienced, happy-go-lucky and reckless he had been for over half the game at the end of chapter seven and just how damaging that really was for Pyra and Mythra because he wasn’t truly understanding their plight and their despair/fear (though to be completely fair, Pyra and Mythra went out of their way to explicitly hide it all from him until it came to a head but still…). 

Not to mention that his complete inexperience as a driver, nearly cost him and the world Pyra and Mythra (i.e. the Aegis on the side of humanity was almost killed off for real. The one person who could possibly match Malos was almost disposed of permanently. That would have spelled doom for the entire world with absolutely NO hope for any sort of comeback). And his inexperience was an issue that Rex really wasn’t forced to confront head on in any significant way until the XBC2 plot stopped bailing him out of trouble which I noted at the end of chapter six and gave him a serious reality check and he was just lucky enough to have been afforded the time to fix his problems after the fact.

Anyway, another point to consider with Rex and his acceptance of Pyra/Mythra is that when we make it to Leftheria in the main game for the first time (chapter five with Haze/Fan La Norne), it’s clear that Rex (and several other kids from Fonsett Village because the small settlement couldn’t afford it) didn’t have a formal education. 

Instead, he started salvaging (basically joining the workforce) when he was barely 10 years old to support Fonsett (he’s 15 in the main story so he’s been doing it already for 5 years). Also, Azurda, his father figure, clearly did not mention hardly anything about Addam or the “Aegis” to him. Which later we find out the reason for that being because Rex himself (or anyone else for that matter) would have to find out if they were truly worthy of that power on their own without Azurda’s input as a crutch. Azurda was also personally responsible for guarding both the village and the sword so of course he wouldn’t bring any of that up in casual dialogue, so Rex is even less aware of the “Aegis” and the destructive part she played in history than most. Rex’s first encounter against Morag back in chapter two made his lack of formal education clear as well.

Another very important detail to note is that Rex never bore witness to just how destructive and/or out of control both Mythra and Malos could be beforehand unlike Addam since both were underpowered for different reasons in his time. Not to mention that Malos doesn’t get his power back in full in the base game until, rather conveniently, Rex unlocks Pyra/Mythra’s true power by accepting her, so that too played a part in Rex not being afraid of her. Not to mention every time Pyra/Mythra got an upgrade to their powers throughout XBC2, it was ALWAYS framed in a positive light for Rex and his friends (and saved all their asses on more than one occasion).

But as I said in another reddit topic, credit where it’s due. Maybe Addam wasn’t meant to be Mythra’s true driver, even so, it still doesn’t change the fact that at least Addam was able to impart some much needed guidance, the value of teamwork, social skills, and a sense of restraint in Mythra. And let’s be honest, the man had the patience of a saint when it came to dealing with her especially in the beginning. The fact that they’d been together for one year before meeting Jin and Lora implies that she was probably even worse before then. He would have been a good father for his children for sure. And that’s coming from someone who was a fan of Mythra long before Torna the Golden Country came out lol. 

In all seriousness though, she’s far less abrasive and much easier to get along with in general by the time Rex comes along and far more mentally mature and aware of her destructive power and the harm she could bring to the world if left unchecked. Five hundred years later people would be rather hard pressed to call her an inexperienced and foolish “kid” or “simpleton” with too much power, arrogance and lack of control in the party. 

She’s now a shell shocked veteran, easily the most experienced in the base game party with the mentality of with great power comes great responsibility. Though to be fair, it takes her a bit to truly get to the point of “great power, great responsibility” because of her fear and guilt over the past, but she’s still definitely far more cautious in her use of her power which is what Addam was ultimately trying to achieve with Mythra during his time with her even if his fear caused him to go way overboard with that particular lesson.

It’s rather interesting to note the shift in the dynamics here. In Torna, Mythra was the inexperienced and reckless (but still all powerful) Aegis blade to Addam’s experienced driver (who harbored fears and self doubts and kept them from Mythra), while five centuries later, she (and Pyra) are now the experienced and all powerful Aegis blade to Rex’s completely inexperienced and reckless driver (with them now harboring all the fears, self doubts with added suicidal tendencies and keeping them from Rex). 

And to be candid, it’s a very good thing that Mythra isn’t as gung-ho, or immature, reckless and inexperienced as she was back in her Torna days given how ignorant of blades, inexperienced at being a driver, reckless, immature, and naive Rex is for a good chunk of his story. That could have and more than likely would have spelled a very bad combination given some of Rex’s dumber calls and decisions I noted earlier to say the least. She literally goes from preferring to constantly spam Siren’s Sacred Arrows on everything and being gratingly arrogant/prideful about her power to five centuries later berating Rex for waking her up because “I didn’t want to come back! I left EVERYTHING to her [Pyra] so I’d never have to use this power again!” 

Let’s not forget that she’s now constantly analyzing the structural integrity of buildings and whatnot to avoid needless collateral damage when using her power and is much more strategical, graceful, precise and refined in the use of her power than she was in her Torna days. She also has far more compassion for the world and life in general (though I’d say this part is a bit debatable. She was far more caring than she let on in her Torna days, but five centuries later she’s much better at expressing it externally). Then there’s the having three levels in girl talk instead of just one, (girl power woo! Lol) showing how much more sociable she’s become (interesting to note that the “Pyra” side doesn’t have girl talk despite being arguably more sociable). Not to mention cooking no longer being one of her field skills lol, showing that she did take some of her former allies/friends (admittedly fair to a point) assessments of her flaws to heart in a much healthier way independent of her Pyra persona even if it definitely hurt Mythra to hear them back then. (no offense to Pyra of course but given how and why she was “created….”). 

A lot of people love to bring up the fact that Rex ultimately could control Pyra/Mythra’s full power and Addam couldn’t (which admittedly is fair and true). But even so, it’s not like Mythra’s time with Addam and her old friends played absolutely NO part in the person Mythra becomes 500 years later (for better or for worse) making her much easier for Rex to bond with ultimately. Basically, her time with Addam and co. helped bring out the dormant “humanity” within her for lack of a better word.

And as I mentioned before, throughout XBC2, every time Pyra/Mythra got an upgrade to their power, it was viewed or framed in a very positive light (no pun intended lol) that saved the party on more than one occasion. So, while Rex and Co. certainly respected and acknowledged her power, they didn’t outright fear her like everyone around her did five hundred years ago since they’ve all come to know and generally love both sides on a personal level throughout the story, nor did they automatically begin warily assuming and expecting Pyra/Mythra to be just like Malos (or in danger of becoming like him) simply because they were/are both Aegises once the party was made aware of Malos being another Aegis. 

In other words, Pyra and Mythra have a much stronger and positive (if unexpected from their point of view) support network overall when it comes to their power and abilities than Mythra ever did five centuries prior, (something that was surely needed given all we witnessed in TTGC), but more importantly, they all respect and admire them as individuals too. 

Again, the ONLY positive side effect of Amalthus’s core cleansing is that it increased the pool of potential drivers by a MUCH larger margin compared to Torna’s time period. So, the extremely rare bond that Lora had with Jin and Haze is MUCH more common now, meaning that there are more humans out there that can see blades as their own individuals in a way that wasn’t completely there 500 years ago.

It certainly helps that Mythra is now more or less a living relic and legend with a lot of people around her in this generation being both intrigued and honored to have the chance to see what she’s truly capable of after hearing about all the “heroic tales” of Addam and his blade saving the world five centuries ago, something that Morag directly mentions to Pyra/Mythra in chapter five. Whether those “stories” are 100% historically accurate or not is another matter entirely though but still….

Not to mention, that there were several moments throughout the main plot and a few H2Hs that showed Rex himself desired strength and power to protect his rather long list of people in his life and often lamented his own weakness and was frustrated with himself for his inability to save and protect the people he cared about (particularly with the deaths of Vandam and Haze/Fan La Norne). 

These are Rex’s words in chapter five after Jin (mercy) killed Haze/Fan La Norne (poor girl….) “I don’t get it. I’m meant to be a driver now. I have a blade of my own. But I couldn’t do anything. Fan…. NOTHING’s changed. I’m just as weak as I’ve always been!” I mean really….is it any small wonder that he’d be all too eager to utilize immense power when the opportunity is presented to him? Like he said in chapter seven against Jin after having finally unlocked Pyra/Mythra’s true power: “I don’t get it. But I’m not complaining! THIS is what I’ve been searching for!”

Let’s not forget that Rex was more or less put in a position to devote himself to Pyra and Mythra more fully than Addam had ever been. Both sides of the green Aegis core crystal are introduced to Rex saving his life. That’s a very crucial difference between Rex and Addam’s circumstances with the Aegis. 

In Addam’s case, however, he was introduced to Malos’s rather sadistic glee with eradicating humanity from the face of the world, along with said Aegis Malos having all the power required to do so and then some, and then only resonated with Mythra, whom by all accounts had the same frightening world destroying powers, when Prince Zetter failed to do so, indicating that Addam never truly wanted the role to start with if he could have helped it or at the very least Addam would have been fine with someone else taking the role of “Driver of the Aegis”. 

Anyway, the fact that they saved his life was more than enough for Rex to devote himself more fully to the Aegis. Rex was indebted to Pyra and Mythra because they were his saviors. And even though I criticized his inexperience earlier, (and the fact remains that it caused a lot of problems for both himself and everyone around him for a good chunk of the story), the fact that he didn’t know anything about being a driver, much less the driver of the Aegis, (and was still more or less thrown into the fray regardless), and that they were all sharing a life force, that very inexperience put him in the position to both want and be required to learn about what it meant to be a driver and by extension learn more about Pyra and Mythra on a personal level just for the three of them to stay alive. 

Rex often declared that “He was going to be the driver that Pyra and Mythra deserve” and eventually that becomes his number one goal in life as he even declares to both of them in chapter seven that going to Elysium would mean absolutely nothing to him if Pyra and Mythra weren’t by his side (keep in mind that traveling to Elysium was Rex’s biggest dream even before Pyra and Mythra came into his life). Also, unlike Addam, as I said before Rex wasn’t born of royalty and didn’t have too many obligations to others. He was an orphaned child who chose to take up salvaging to support Fonsett Village true, but to also find some way to Elysium which, as I mentioned earlier, was in alignment with Pyra and Mythra even if they weren’t being entirely honest with him on why they wanted to go there themselves.

By stark contrast, Addam, who in the end, wasn’t really trying to be a hero (despite possessing the potential in itself for great heroism) and wanted nothing more than to live his days in peace as a hermit with his family, resonated with Mythra in her “original” and “destructive” form first after having already witnessed one rogue and all-powerful-and all-too-happy-to-kill-and-destroy-everyone-and-everything Aegis at full might (Malos) on the rampage even before resonating with her. 

And then Addam only resonated with her because again 1) it was the only way to stop Malos who had already sunk one Titan (Coeia) to the cloud sea bed and was hell bent on sinking the rest of the world and also because 2) Prince Zetter had failed to bond with her core crystal before Addam tried to himself). Let’s not forget that Mythra being a blank slate, misanthropic, arrogant and immature loose cannon (all the while possessing the same world destroying powers Malos had) at this point in the story didn’t exactly help either. Couple those facts with Addam being an adult and more aware of the world around him with age giving people in general more wariness, and that sadly but understandably left a fearful and alarming first impression of the Aegises in general on him which was all but impossible to reconcile. 

Not to mention the “Pyra” persona didn’t show up until literally the end of the expansion and he was only with this side of the Aegis for a short time but sadly only after everything had already gone to hell for him and Mythra at this point so it didn’t matter either way. And let’s not forget the fact that “Pyra” was only “constructed” from the very depths of Mythra’s immense guilt and despair, which Addam was partially (if unintentionally) responsible for because he couldn’t/wouldn’t accept her and didn’t step up to be the driver she needed probably didn’t help much if at all either. 

Then of course there was the fact that “Pyra” in and of herself sadly was “created” as an obvious counter to all the insults/bullying Mythra received about her abrasiveness, lack of compassion, arrogance, bad cooking, recklessness, etc., indicating that Mythra’s own self-esteem was damaged a long time ago deep down, and the final battle against Malos, plus all the trauma she endured during said battle and right after (Poor Team Hugo, Poor Tornan Titan and Poor, Poor, Milton….) just shattered it completely. 

Seriously, the “butt-monkey” and “friend that nobody likes” tropes got explored in a more realistic approach with Mythra as a character. No one in real life would be able to put up with that sort of treatment from the people around them without either separating themselves from the people constantly belittling them for the sake of their own self-esteem, or staying, putting up with it, and eventually suffering some lasting emotional scars…Yeah, just guess which one of the two happens to Mythra…..

Anyway, considering that one Aegis was already running amok it’s no real surprise that he (and the rest of her allies back then) often admonished Mythra for using that power period out of fear rather than trying to help her come up with more creative and less harmful ways to utilize it. Again, there’s a big difference between wise caution and crippling fear, and sadly but again understandably, Addam comes to later realize, admit, and ultimately regret that he was more the latter with her as a driver than the former despite his good intentions. 

And again, it’s also worth noting that in contrast to the base game, in TTGC every time Mythra tried to use her Aegis power or even mentioned using it, it was ALWAYS framed in a negative and/or reckless light. Examples being her not listening to Addam when he told her to stop when the party was in a ruined Torigoth and nearly killing Brighid upon their first encounter, and Addam (and the party) often discouraging her from using her power period because to him (and the others) there would be “too many casualties and/or too much destruction”. He even says to Lora at one point “When we first met we could have burnt you to pieces. But we avoided that thanks to Jin”. 

It takes Lora literally pointing out to him that all recklessness aside (because Mythra was admittedly out of line when she fired Siren on Brighid and didn’t stop when Addam ordered her to), Mythra was still in fact actually NOT going all out when she was using her power (if she was, I imagine she would have left Torigoth in the same state Malos left the city of Feltley in with that giant ass crater). 

And, Mythra desiring to utilize said power she has in SOME capacity in and of itself wasn’t exactly wrong or reckless nor does her using said power immediately have to equate to “I want to destroy everyone and everything”, (or rather in Addam’s mind): “I will destroy everyone and everything if I use her power in any capacity” simply because another Aegis chose to follow that path (something again Rex and Mythra will prove together 500 years later) and it wasn’t completely fair for Addam to keep subconsciously imposing that upon Mythra just because she was an Aegis. 

It was an early sign in the expansion that for all her immaturity and arrogance, Mythra was actually not quite as “careless” and “lacking in restraint” with her power at this point as he and everyone else kept claiming (if anything, some of it was in Addam’s own head) and that she cared far more than she let on about making sure she didn’t become like Malos. 

It’s too bad Addam didn’t take the moment to realize that his crippling fear and his (subconscious) lack of faith in her is what was ultimately holding him back from “not being completely in control of Mythra’s power”. Okay, to be fair, he did realize that he “just wasn’t man enough” at the time, but the problem was that he never was really thrown into a situation or crisis moment (or called out on hardly anything because as Aegaeon pointed out “He’s far too esteemed for his own good”) that would have forced him to realize just how crucial it was for him to man up and become both the driver that Mythra needed him to be and the driver that he possessed the potential to become (even the year he had with Mythra prior to meeting Jin and Lora was implied to have been rather uneventful on that front) until she, and the rest of Torna for that matter, blew up in his face during the final battle against Malos. And of course, as I mentioned before, by then it was far too late for him to rectify his resonance issues with her. 

But again, given the very specific and deliberate measures Addam took for Mythra/Pyra to ensure their eventual salvation (and the world’s salvation as well), he surely stepped up after the fact even if it was too late for him and Torna. With that said, I honestly have no doubt in my mind that if Addam could have gotten a far less harrowing reality check moment that would have forced his hand (similarly to how Rex got his reality check in losing so thoroughly to Jin in the base game, but he still had precious time to make things right because again, neither Aegis was at full power reaping havoc and destruction in the wake of his failures) Addam could have and would have lived up to the potential that the core crystal saw within him….

That’s not even getting into the fact that by the time we FINALLY make it to a point in TTGC where it would make sense for Mythra to go all out without being spoken down to about it (the final fight against Malos)….naturally she doesn’t because of a combination of both the implication that Addam’s fears tainted their resonance from the outset causing her to subconsciously hold herself back because she fears her own power, and the constant belittling she’s put up with about using her power at all (and also she’s become more mindful of her power at this point due to character development to be fair but still….) which causes Malos to goad her into going all out (simply because he wanted a good fight) by attacking the Tornan capital and killing Milton….then she DOES finally let loose and go all out…but…she’s totally out of control in rage and sinking the Tornan Titan to the cloud sea and inadvertently killing Hugo, Brighid and Aegaeon….and still couldn’t save poor Milton either way…..and Mikhail blamed her for not keeping her promise of protecting Milton after she convinced him to stay behind at the Tornan capital which only reinforced her perception of everything being her fault…I mean of course she’s not exactly completely blameless considering the fact that technically her power ultimately sank the Tornan Titan and killed Team Hugo but still…..Even so, honestly, the poor girl just could NOT catch a break in any way back then…

And again, as another stark contrast to Rex, Addam was a married man (whom which his wife was pregnant) and he had already had many adventures even before resonating with Mythra and was getting ready to settle down for the rest of his life with his wife and soon to be born child. Not to mention that Addam was born into royalty with a long, long, long list of duties and responsibilities that he only wished to be free of anyway so he could live with his family in peace. 

So, in his case, as bad and unfortunate as it might sound for Mythra, being the driver of the Aegis from his perspective was just yet another burden on his list that he didn’t really want to bare (subconsciously) but took up the mantle of hero anyway for the greater good of his people and the world in the hopes that he could settle down, be left alone and just be with his family afterwards. 

Again though, that’s not to say that Addam didn’t have the purity of heart and/or character to bring out Mythra’s full potential (as I said before, if he never possessed the potential in itself, I imagine his attempt to resonate with Mythra would have ended like it did with Prince Zetter when he tried) or that he wasn’t willing to lay down his life for his people. He surely possessed the potential and he outright stated (and proved by facing down Malos) that he would absolutely lay down his life for his country and its future if that’s what it took. 

However, when it came to truly accepting Mythra, the very thing required to both access and control her true power (which again he realized far too late), well….there were several factors working against him unfortunately when one compares his circumstances to Rex’s: 

  1) Being handicapped by his royal upbringing, and trying too hard to save everyone. He wanted to save his militia, his family, his people, and the whole world from the wrath (and fearing the wrath) that he could potentially bring down upon them by potentially losing control of Mythra that he lost sight of his own limitations as just one person in the world. And again as a result, he closed his heart and mind towards Mythra and her power out of fear, (both consciously and subconsciously), often hesitating to use that power in any capacity if he could help it. That is to say again, trying to save everyone is admirable but ultimately just not feasible no matter the circumstances. 

As a result, he further crippled his already dwindling ability to accept Mythra for what she was, subconsciously rejecting her from the beginning (which she in turn sadly rejected him when she started conjuring her true sword and abilities). And again, which is exactly why Addam tells Rex five centuries later after Rex goes on and on and on about the long list of people in his life he wants to protect that “It’s not necessary to protect everything. There IS a limit to what one man can do”. 

2) Dealing with Mythra’s rather poor and misanthropic attitude. That alone, coupled with his fear of the Aegis wrath in general spelled a pretty bad mixture for disaster and eventual tragedy too. But again, her attitude would not have been as bad as it was had Addam put more effort into treating her less like a dangerous weapon to be kept apart from everyone, and instead more like a true comrade and friend and gave her the opportunity to meet people and forge her OWN connections with them prior to meeting Lora, Jin, and Haze. As I mentioned earlier, the implications of Mythra having to ask about Aletta when the party first arrived there and what’s so special about the place, coupled with knowing that Addam and Mythra had been together for a year prior to meeting Lora, Jin and Haze are rather unfortunate (i.e. He kept her away from his wife and friends back home out of fear). 

3) His main desire for his life was NOT to constantly play in the role of “hero” as I pointed out earlier (and of course, being Mythra’s driver would have all but forced him to stay in that role). She literally represented everything in his life that he was ultimately trying to distance himself from so the lack of acceptance ran much deeper than just his fear (subconsciously). With all of that in mind, the bottom line is that again compared to Rex, Addam never truly had an honest/fair/clear opportunity to live up to his potential as the true driver of the Aegis. 

Addam’s failures, fears, (and lack of acceptance of both Mythra and in nearly every facet of his life as a member of royalty) instead ended up tragically becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy (because again, he brought his fears and doubts into their resonance, corrupting it from the very beginning) due to less him being unworthy or incapable of being the Aegis’s true driver in itself (again, as I’ve noted countless times already, he definitely possessed the aptitude) and more because of the unfortunate circumstances with which he resonated with her (and not really being driven or challenged to truly understand how damaging his fears were to their resonance nor to actually try to conquer said fears until it was too late). And again, given that he tells Rex five centuries later that he has to accept her heavily implies that Addam had become all too aware of where he went wrong with Mythra far too late….

Anyway, with all the above in mind, I’m honestly not sure if Rex could have handled blank slate and loose cannon Mythra to more compassionate and aware of herself Mythra the way Addam did with the tough love and sort of “experienced driver/warrior and adult” parenting here and there because 1) Rex is still a child himself still trying to find his own place in the world and wholly inexperienced in how blades work or being a driver period for a good chunk of his story. Not to mention that 2) Rex would more than likely not have had the experience and skill necessary to survive back then against a fully powered Aegis from the outset (as we see in chapter one where Rex was getting overwhelmed against Malos who wasn’t even fully powered and would have died again had Azurda not come out of nowhere to the rescue and that’s not even getting into chapter six where Jin utterly humiliated him). 

I guess, to be blunt, the world five hundred years ago just didn’t need an inexperienced salvager/driver child stumbling his way forward in a really long coming of age story (in comparison to TTGC I mean) to lead the charge against Malos, who again, back then was at full might and out there sinking Titans to the cloud sea bed. The bottom line is that the world back then just wasn’t going to wait around for Rex to gain the experience necessary to stand against such a foe like it did in XBC2 (admit it, things WERE pretty convenient for Rex in a way they never really were for Addam). The world five hundred years ago needed experienced warriors/drivers/blades who could get things done against such a threat in SOME capacity as quickly as possible (i.e. Addam and his allies) before the entire world was annihilated. I’m saying this because there was some speculation in another Reddit topic on whether or not Rex could have “humanized” Mythra faster than Addam and accepted her back then. 

My view on that personally is absolutely not, because again, Rex probably would not have survived long enough to have gotten the chance to do so. Had Rex gone against Malos (as Malos was in his Torna days at full power) at the start of the XBC2 story….Full powered Aegis vs Inexperienced green driver……yeah….let’s just say the base game would have been MUCH shorter so I’m personally really not seeing how his inexperience wouldn’t have been far more damaging for the sake of the world had he been in Addam’s place five centuries ago….

Then there’s Addam sealing the third sword in the Spirit Crucible Elpys as a test of worthiness (and a clear death trap for the greedy if I ever saw one) and that played a part in discovering who was meant to be Pyra/Mythra’s true driver, also founding Fonsett Village which would later become Rex’s home, (or Hero’s Rest at the time rather), getting Azurda to guard the village and the sword, and sealing Pyra/Mythra away so no one unworthy would ever abuse her power or hurt her again. 

Though again, he did plainly say in his last message he left with Pyra after he sealed her that the seal was not for eternity and that he hoped someone worthy would awaken her so humanity could live alongside the Aegis because “She is our hope”.

Considering the devastation she caused that he bore witness to during the war, not to mention the fact that she sank his entire home and kingdom and killed Emperor Hugo, his best friend (though of course that was all unintentional it still doesn’t change the fact that it happened by her hand), coming from him, that means something, and says quite a lot about his character honestly despite how he failed as a driver with Mythra and shows exactly why, in a similar vein to Rex, the green Aegis’s core crystal saw Addam as someone worthy to wield the true Aegis power even if he ultimately failed to live up to said potential. 

The moment right after Malos’s defeat 500 years ago where Addam left his best friend’s dead body lying on the ground and still embraced Mythra upon her exiting her siren was a truly powerful moment. It’s clear he understood exactly where he went wrong, the self-fulfilling prophecy aspect of it, what he lacked for her as a driver the entire time (acceptance), everything….but again, it was too late. But the moment does show that not only did Addam truly care about her despite his fears, but was also willing to own up to his part in the tragic turn of events that led to Torna’s downfall instead of solely blaming Mythra like a lot of others in his position might have opted to do (and frankly, what he and the party had been unintentionally guilty of doing with all their fears, insults, negative assumptions and bullying up until that point).

So in one sense, Addam really was every bit the pure hearted hero the legends claimed and it shows that he did see Mythra as a sort of surrogate daughter and cared for her as such despite everything that happened between them and it’s clear by his expression during the credits of TTGC, and in how he somberly and shamefully turns and walks off as the ship that Pyra/Mythra are now sleeping on sinks to the cloud sea bed, that he was overall not happy with sealing her away or with knowing that ultimately he proved himself unworthy of her as a driver and that all the deaths and devastation might have been prevented had HE not been so afraid to truly USE Mythra’s power while he was her active driver. 

Notably, he realized that just because he failed to step up and control her power and didn’t have the faith in her or himself that he should have had beforehand doesn’t mean that he believed that no one else could or would succeed someday or that her power couldn’t be utilized as a positive force for the world. 

It’s just a real shame that Addam never had the opportunity to find this faith/revelation/acceptance in Mythra and/or himself during the time when they were actually together…if he had I imagine they could have accomplished a lot of good things during his day and “Torna the Golden Country” might actually still exist in Rex’s time. The whole situation between Addam and Mythra was just tragic and it’s honestly not that hard for me personally to picture an alternate reality in which Addam could have conquered his fears and stepped up to the role as the true driver of the Aegis, or could have had a better chance  to eventually understand her had he bonded with her under different circumstances. 

Though as I said near the beginning of this post, credit where it’s due: It may not have happened in the most ideal JRPG happy ending way, but Addam DID save the world at large from Malos’s wrath back in his day. Had he not resonated with Mythra (essentially brought life to her) and fought the good fight back then (because as he said “The powers-that-be bicker among themselves, ignoring the larger danger”), and rallied good people and allies to aid him in his cause, the entire world would have ended long before Rex’s time for certain. 

Again, for all of Addam’s faults and how he screwed up with Mythra (as her driver anyway), we can’t just selectively ignore and/or gloss over that bold fact considering what the alternative could have been and it IS worth praising him for which the base game does even 500 years after the fact despite the devastation left behind by the battle. He might have failed Torna and Mythra in his time, but Addam certainly put forth several steps and made many sacrifices to ensure that both Mythra and the future would be saved even if he ultimately would not be around to witness it.

Personally, considering the poor man lived and died with the regret of knowing he failed Mythra and Torna (and still couldn’t pass on after death for 500 years in an attempt to atone by helping Mythra/Pyra find their true driver) I’d say that Addam more than made up for his mistakes and his failures when it came to being Mythra’s driver and the man was hardly a coward despite his fear of the Aegis’s power (hell, he still took on another Aegis at full might despite that. I’d say that a prince who’s willing to do that and more for his people is far from a coward but that’s just me).

So, I guess by seeing how both Addam and Rex succeeded and failed when it came to Mythra/Pyra, I’m able to better appreciate both their roles in helping her achieve her wish and purpose of being humanity’s hope and use her abilities and powers to their full potential (without her sinking a Titan to complete ruin the second time) as well as her eventually realizing that she’s not a horrible monster just for being born with immense power (Vandam said it best: “Power depends on the heart of its wielder”), Pyra/Mythra also gains a sense of peace, salvation and happiness in the end. And it would not have been possible without both Addam and Rex (for better or for worse) resonating with the Aegis in different moments in time and circumstance.