#like this has never happened before
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#i got into a really minor car accident today but like#even though mostly everything was fine the like#shame and humiliation (because it was my fault) feels#insurmountable#like this has never happened before#and it had to happen while i was living in a foreign country#i just feel so deeply awful#i can’t even eat dinner#i barely made it home because i couldn’t control my crying#i had to pull into a parking lot until i calmed down#i just feel so stupid and idiotic#i don’t know how i’m going to get over this shame
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Batfamily/Superfamily angst fic where one of the Supes (Jon? Kon?) takes off too quickly/recklessly next to one of the Batkids and accidentally ruptures their eardrum and Bruce goes on the warpath for Clark about it.
#obvs they settle it fine but#I want Bruce to yell at Clark#that they have to be CAREFUL#around humans#and Clark is like what this has never happened with me before#and Bruce is like do you want me to tell you the truth about that or not#bruce wayne#batman#dc#Fic ideas#batfamily#clark kent#Bruce ruins his friend but then picks him back up
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its sonics turn! 👅
#sonadow#shadow takes his job very seriously#do not test a guy who has a 20 step skincare routine#sonic is definitely a scruffy little thing who damn near never brushes himself#shadow will make sure!!! that he is left shiny and smelling like freshly ironed laundry instead of dirt#idk there is something so....cute about this that i have never thought about before and i think shadow despite being a hybrid is#much better at doing things like this and less bashful compared to sonic who is just a stinky guy by default#he would be grumpy but very nurturing. i think it would give him a sense of calm to bond like this#sonics of course a little taken aback at his enthusiasm but its a pleasantly welcome surprise from someone like shadow esp#idk what level the relation between them would have to have progressed to for sth like this to even happen but yknow#simply. when he licc. it makes my heart melt#i almost cried drawing this.....i love shadow....#almost forgot to tag#sonic the hedgehog#shadow the hedgehog#my art
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Someone's antlers fell off for winter
#geminitay#shiny duo#why is she so distraught as if this has never happened before? Idk I'd like to think she is just this distraught each time#just in time for christmas antler headbands though <3#tubby art#she probably gets like mild seasonal depression but only because of the antlers
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Burning Rotten Bridges
[First] Prev <–-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#mianmian#nie mingjue#jin guangyao#JGY is nothing but outwardly calm and carrying on his duties as the chair for the meeting#but in that small pause after Nie Mingjue commemorates Mianmian for leaving...you can feel the tension.#Because Nie Mingjue comes from a place of privilege. He's always been in a position where his legitimacy and political standing-#-were never challenged. He didn't have to fight for respect. He was born into this world respected.#For people like Mianmian and JGY who clawed their way up from the bottom...this is a huge deal.#Truth be told I have a lot of things to say about what it means and feels to be in a position where leaving is messy.#There are times where the situation is bad but to leave means that those years of your life will have been for nothing.#That all the other suffering incurred will be fruitless. So you just *keep going*. Because it *has* to be worth it.#Because going back to what you were before is even more terrifying than the hell you are boiling in.#My concrete example for this is post-grad academia.#Because that cohort will have spent over a decade pursuing a goal and leaving means...well...it means throwing away those years.#It means losing (likely nearly all) your connections. It means going into debt you'll never pay off.#It means putting up with some pretty heinous abuse from your supervisor because what are you suppose to do? Leave?#Leaving is for those with the privilege to have options.#And even if you do have options...#Ultimately we would rather love the pain we know than risk the unknown. Hoping it's worth it one day.#With that mindset established; never say JGY should have just left like Mianmian. He couldn't. This was what he dedicated his life to.#He never had the option. Even if it seemed like he did - no he did not. He never conceived this ending ever happening for himself.
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A Fair Warning
It was only a matter of time, and a long awaited and well deserved comeuppance, when Joker tried to hurt the wrong person or people.
Not everyone was going to play his games like 'Batsy' does. Not everyone will hesitate or let him live should he put his hands on someone to hurt them. Not everyone will believe Arkham could 'fix' him, he just needed more time and help.
No.
This time Joker bit off more than he could chew when he kidnapped the newly hired Arkham psychiatrist Jasmine Fenton (and he had plans, so many plans, for her. With her mixture of Harley's mind and her looks matching Gordon's daughter would sure to cause some chaos and pain in memories) and the girl's visiting sister Danielle 'Ellie' (and did he laugh when he noticed the 'Wayne' adoptive looks the girl had, on the fun he'll have, maybe he'll beat her the way he beat the second Robin just for funzie's, it'll no doubt upset Batman) from Jasmine's apartment.
He had plans to keep the Bats guessing where he was and by the time they reach him it'll be far to late for them to save either of the two girls, he had just sent the little video he taped to the Bats and the police to get the ball rolling...
So...
So why did a shiver run down his spine for the first time in years when they both looked unafraid (it was their eyes that made him shiver, a look of already dead yet somehow alive, something he never seen before. He's seen the light fade from people's eyes before yes, he's even laughed as he watch people desperately cling onto life only for it to fade into nothing as they took a final breath but never have he seen someone, something alive yet dead at the same time before. It, their eyes, held a natural yet unnatural sense as they stared at him, stared at everything that made him Joker and it unnerved him), honestly they looked very bored, and one of them (the youngest of the two, and the one with more of the look of death than life in their eyes) said with a chill tune in their tone.
"Last chance to back out of this Freakshows Reject. You wont like what'll be waiting for you."
The tone alone was enough to send another bone deep chill down Joker's spine.
But instead of listening to his natural instincts, the deep inkling of run blaring at him, Joker merely placed a grin on his face, ignoring the strain he felt from doing so, and said as nastily as he could in order to scare the two girls (BOTH OF THEM STILL LOOKED BORED WITH HIM?!?! Not even a twitch of fear!)
"OH? And pray tell what is awaiting little ol' me hum?"
His mocking question got a wide feral grin from the smaller girl, a grin with sharp teeth and iris eyes beginning to bleed slowly from sky blue to neon green with each second he stared at her and he barely stopped himself from jumping in his spot when Jasmine answered his question.
"Your end."
-x-x-
By the time the Bats get to the warehouse Joker had taken Dr. Jasmine 'Jazz' Fenton and Danielle 'Ellie' Fenton they were prepared for anything and everything to go wrong. As much as they held the tiniest bit of hope that the two young women were still okay they knew better than to really do, this was the Joker that had them after all.
They had manged to narrow down his location much quicker than normal when they gotten Joker's first video and his little 'game' he was setting the Bats on, most locations he gave them were going to be red herrings or traps to keep them busy and it would had worked. Batman and the others would had been searching for hours for even a hint of the clue of where the Joker and his hostages were actually being kept.
It was nearly, not really, a shame all of Joker's plans went to waste when Red Hood had stumbled onto something when scooping out Jasmine's apartment with Red Robin.
You see, not only were they looking for clues at first but something about the apartment Jasmine rented seemed off, Red Robin noticed it first and called in back up encase there was more to oldest Fenton than what they could dig up (oldest daughter of Dr's. Jackson and Madeline Fenton, grew up in a small Illinois town, straight A student and a goal to become a psychologist, has two younger siblings, etc etc) and their suspension raised up more when the moment Red Hood entered the apartment and seemed to freeze for a moment.
Red Hood couldn't really explain it but he said it felt like something was... strange. Not evil bad danger strange but it felt familiar? Like he was a kid again on the streets and had walked into someone else's territory but knew the person wouldn't be too much of a hardass about it as long as he didn't stur up trouble or disrespect. A kind of... as long as you don't fuck around you won't find out feeling.
It was because of this feeling that Jason had manged to stumble across something in the room, his instincts telling him there was more to it, and they had discovered a clunky old custom PDA hidden away in a false floorboard in the office room. Thankfully Red Robin, was there in person because the old thing apparently had a rather ingenious firewall to keep others (aka Hackers) OUT but it did nothing against someone who held the main thing.
But still it took Red Robin almost frying the damn thing to get to open up, turns out the ghost and star stickers on the PDA was a rather large hint of the pass code. Once Red Robin was in the PDA he noticed some rather interesting files, one of them labeled "Gremlin Tracking" with a tiny green blob with red eyes and a green outlined star as the icons.
Curiosity taking a hold on the most curious of the Bats he opened it up, hoping it would need another password, and watched as the screen split into two maps, one was... strange, there was no land marks or anything but the star icon seemed to be right in the middle of wherever it was and the only hint of anything was the name "baby brother" and the map labeled as IR.
The other one showed an above map of Gotham, before zooming into the city, heading towards some abandoned warehouses Red Robin knew of and stopped right at one. This was the green blob icon, the short abbreviation for Gotham in the corner of the map, and the name for the icon was 'baby sister'
Red Robin immediately got onto coms to tell the others of what apparently was a tracker for Jasmine's younger siblings. Some questioned why the young woman had trackers on her siblings, though some of the others snarked back that "oh didn't know keeping trackers on each other wasn't normal. Mind if I loose the one you got on me than?"
After a quick sweep into the warehouses camera feeds, the very few up that could be accessed, done by Oracle they quickly discovered that yes the tracking on the younger girl of the two, Danielle Fenton, was correct and that was where they and Joker were at.
Despite this, Batman decided that in order to make sure Joker didn't have suspicion that they already know his actual location he made sure to send a few of the others to the fake locations.
So here they were now, staking out the warehouse where they could see a few of the Jokers goons walking around and looking for a way into the building without alerting any of them. As they talked low into coms, Robin mentioning a possible way in for Red Robin by how small it was, Red Robin hissing back a "just because you got a growth spurt doesn't mean you can poke fun at my height you little-"
"Wait!" Red Hood suddenly hissed shouted, his tone startling the rest of them and they all turned their heads to him. Batman made a quick and harsh grunt as a way to say "report."
Under his helmet Jason's eyes were wide and wild. He could feel something, something huge was on the rise, like something was out of sight but the energy of it was felt.
And if Jason could feel it from his spot, the Jokers goons all felt the same thing from the way they all dropped their weapons, turned toward the warehouse and looked ready to bolt like scared animals.
Jason opened his mouth to explain but fell silent when the feeling suddenly popped. Whatever was causing the feeling was here and like the calm before the storm he could only watch as the first drop of rain fall.
The next thing they know, was the noise and the screaming.
It was inhuman, a mixture of noise and sounds to hard to explain. The closest they could explain was a thousand voices coming in all at once mixing with radio static that kept changing volume so only few words could be even hinted at, and the angry cawing of crows along with the flapping of their wings as they took flight. The noise was so bad that many who heard it nearly ripped their coms out, or covered their ears. Thankfully it only lasted a few seconds.
Then, the air itself shifted. It felt like the coldest of winter nights and bone chilling shivers ran down their bodies for a moment. The air was suddenly that sharp cold that hurt to breathe sometimes.
The goons surrounding the warehouse fled in fear. Many scrambling to get far, far away from whatever was happening. If they felt even a fraction of what Jason could feel, he could understand. He honestly felt like a small animal cornered by a predator and there was no escape.
Then just as suddenly as it happened, everything shifted again. The noise of Gotham returned to normal, cars honking, a stray cat hissing or a dog barking, police sirens in the distance, hissing steam from a nearby factory. The air went from winter cold to a chill mid winter harbor feel now.
Once everyone registered what had just happened and not wanting to waste anymore time they bolted towards the warehouse, cautious and alert in case they needed to fight. Batman went in first, quickly making his way to the area he knew Joker would be with the Fenton sisters and wondered just what the fuck was that? Did Joker do something? Was he messing with things outside of his usual MO?!
He walked into the room and stopped.
There was nothing.
The room was in fact the room Joker had used to record his first message to them, the layout was correct and the evidence of two people who had been tied up were still there as well, ropes that weren't cut sitting on them, a lone lamp light above shining down from above no doubt to emphasize the two girls were meant to be the 'stars' of Jokers latest show. Thing was, the two weren't there despite the fact Oracle swore she could see them a few mins ago from a camera set up in the room, she would later explain that she heard the noise as well and that all her tech had glitched hard.
The only other thing in the room was, sitting innocently on one of the chairs was a green sticky note and on a tiny pillow was a tiny sickly green orb with hints of purple, white, and red swirling in it.
A note they would later read the following message written on it after carefully examining it over.
'Joker learned not to touch what is mine to protect. Sorry not sorry, but hey one less killer clown and he was warned not my fault he didn't take it seriously... The massive amount of souls wanting to rip apart the Joker's soul into nothing was quite a sight to be honest.
They were so ruthless. Best not mess with the vengeful dead am I right?
PS. I left a tiny gift for Jason Todd aka Robin Two. It's the tiniest piece of Joker's soul left over after everyone else got done. He can finish it off since he's a reverent and all, and well they need their revenge filled in order to peacefully move on later or else they'll be stuck forever in a loop of madness and revenge. So yeah. Hope he likes the gift.'
D.P.'
It took Jason less than a second after those words were spoken out to reach for the orb, ignoring the cautious and alarmed cries of the others, and could feel deep, deep, deep in his own soul the absolute pure weeping joy as he threw the orb onto the floor, the bottom shattering thus it didn't roll away and stomped hard with his reinforced boots. Crushing the broken orb into more pieces and if one listened closely they could hear the pure screaming terror that came from it.
And Jason for the first time in years felt his rage finally leave him.
#danny phantom dc#danny phantom#danny fenton#dp x dc#crossover#blue rambles#writing ideas#random idea#dpxdc#Danny is like a cryptid in this one#is he the Ghost King? Or just a very very powerful ghost that can help stabilize other ghosts into a corporal form? idk you pick#The Bats return to base only to find all data on Jazz gone#even the report on her and Danielle being kidnapped are gone#even the Joker's recording is gone#like it never happened#if they try confronting her she only smiles and says she warned him or says 'Joker who?'#The only thing they have left that's proof is the sticky note and the PDA Tim still has#when he later looks at the history and data he noticed it move#for a few mins the tracker for 'baby brother' had moved from IR to Gotham right next to 'baby sister' before returning to IR with the other#this happened right on the dot of Jason warning them to wait#I love writing the 'Joker fucked around and found out' stories tbh#any mistakes I will fix later#I still need new glasses can barely see rn
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#mrs flood who are you: time lord edition
#dwedit#doctor who#mrs flood#fifteenth doctor#the master#jacobi!master#tenth doctor#jack harkness#martha jones#twelfth doctor#ninth doctor#*#okay here is my argument: mrs flood IS a time lord but her presence here has nothing to do with the doctor#instead she's here because of ruby. she's seemingly part of/related to the pantheon of discord & we know that ruby is connected to them too#so i think that she was deliberately placed as ruby's neighbor by the pantheon/oldest one/ruby's mom/? in order to watch over her#it also explains why she was there to check on ruby in 1.04. once she realizes she's on the phone w carla she says 'nothing to do with me'#and she leaves. which implies that it COULD have had something to do with her. if it had been something else going on#ANYWAY. to get to the time lordness of it all. rn i personally believe that she's a time lord that's been hiding on earth for 50+ years#bc i don't think she recognized the police box as a tardis initially. that first quote should be taken at face value.#instead picture this: she's watching over ruby as per usual. a police box is there - weird but nbd. then it dematerializes in front of her.#she drops her groceries. she's shocked. she kinda looks scared. if she already knew it was a tardis why would she react like that?#so imo she knows OF tardises. she DIDN'T know the police box was one. and she's worried the time lords have found her hence the fear.#but when nothing happens and nobody comes at her she realizes she's still safe#later when she sees the doctor she realizes the tardis is his/he must be a time lord. he doesn't identify her but that's happened before#so then when she asks him who he is i think what she's actually asking for is his title. WHICH time lord are you.#bc lbr if she knows abt tardises then she knows about time lords and if she knows abt time lords she knows what it means for ruby#to be joining him - and that's why she wishes ruby good luck. meanwhile this is clearly the outcome she WANTS (them to be together)#bc she gets visibly upset when the doctor seems to decide to leave without ruby.#and for once i'm not master clowning bc the list of names the doctor gives out is VERY interesting. some of them we've never heard before:#the bishop; the conquistador; later he adds the pedant and sagi-shi and reiterates the bishop AGAIN. so i wonder if she's the bishop.....
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Finally gaining approval and popularity in a world you always craved being a part of vs. watching the other person enjoying the very thing you're trying to escape
One difference:
#i honestly think stede stays quietly behind because he thinks he doesn't deserve better than to be ridiculed and ignored#while ed leaves before things go to shit because he's 1) panicking and 2) can't allow himself to be loved for real yet#meaning he can't step in like stede did when things start going wrong (but i wonder if the fight with zheng would've happened if he stayed)#this has been bouncing around in my head since thursday but i've never struggled more with a gifset lmao#these were hell to color and i gave up making this coherent bye#ofmd s2 spoilers#our flag means death#ofmd#ofmdedit#ofmdsource#ofmd gifs#ida.stuff#ofmd 2x7#ofmd s2#edward teach#stede bonnet
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Thinking about Eddie Munson who was complaining to the rest of the band about his shoulders and neck hurting post show. One of them convinces him to go for a massage.
Eddie shows up day of and is told to strip to level of comfort and get under the sheets laying on his back, his masseuse will knock before coming in. Eddie has not an ounce of care or shame, strips completely naked. Scars and tattoos on full display. He climbs between the sheets and waits. After knocking and hearing a "come in", his masseuse enters and-
The most handsome man he's ever seen walks in. A bit of stubble on his defined jaw, soft pale lips Eddie wants to kiss, big brown eyes Eddie wants to get lost in, slutty little waist and an ass Eddie could-
He introduces himself as Steve. Verifies where Eddie had said his tension was on the form he hastily filled out. Then it starts.
And maybe, maybe, Eddie is a bit touch starved. He could have anyone he wants, but they don't want him just his fame. Pushes them all away. Only gets close to his band, but they all are busy and have their own people outside of work.
And Steve is just touching him. Rubbing smooth circles into his temple, down his cheekbones towards his jaw. Pressing on parts of Eddie's face he didn't even realize were tense. It's relaxing.
And Eddie regrets not leaving at least his boxers on to help hide that he's becoming hard. Kind of embarrassing, which makes his dick harder- which, that's a lot to unpack right now-
"Hey, relax man," Steve says, laying a gentle hand on his shoulder. Eddie can see Steve's eyes dart towards the obvious situation," It's natural. Happens to the best of us." "Does it happen to you?" Eddie blurts out. Eddie wants to shove his face in one of these soft plush pillows and scream, but Steve just snorts a laugh and shakes his head at him. Doesn't even respond as he continues the massage.
Eddie tries to hold back his groans as Steve turns his head to the side and rubs his neck into his shoulders. He can feel the tension leave his body slowly. Feel the knots in his muscles release.
Eddie can't, however, hold back the noise he makes when Steve grabs a hold of his hair and tugs it. Eddie's eyes pop open and he stares into Steve's face, who has started blushing. Steve just clears his throat and let's Eddie's hair go before continuing the massage.
#Steve was just moving his hair and the intrusive thought won over and yanked Eddie's hair towards him#Eddie is waxing poetic in his head has already written a minimum of 3 songs about Steve and is now going to have Steve star in every fantas#Lol yall aren't gonna believe this i paused when typing 'Eddie is' and the suggested was to put 'Eddie is a gay disaster' asdhfdlsl#Anyways this was totally NOT inspired by me getting a massage (I've had many in the past) and this random masseuse grabbed all of my hair i#Their hand and then tugged it towards themselves which...has never happened before and I almost moaned so uh found something out about me#I was just like “OH???oh!” And then proceeded to melt into the table#That wasn't even the wildest massage experience I had...I've had a few which is why I know I should only stick with one person#Because I trust that masseuse but instead I was like “well let me try the stones they don't offer here” and went elsewhere#ANYWAYS I could see this happening to Eddie and went oh yeah...didn't mean to ramble but here ya go#Steve Harrington x Eddie Munson#Eddie Munson x Steve Harrington#Steddie#Steddie drabble#Jade is Talking
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i don't think we'll ever be the same as we once were
#william wants to relive the glory days despite everything that had happened#and henry hates that sometimes a part of him wants to feel how that friendship was like before.#henry has to constantly remind himself that their friendship will never be the same anymore. not anymore.#hidden hands au#fnaf au#henry emily#william afton#fnaf henry emily#fnaf william afton#fnaf#fnaf fanart#five nights at freddys#five nights at freddys fanart#my art
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Sometimes I think about Aventurine in the moment he first discovered his Pathstrider abilities. The moment he first realized he could shield not only himself but also others. The very first moment he realized he could be a source of safety, rather than a burden--than a curse.
Sometimes I think about the hatred he must have felt for himself in that instant.
Where was this power when their camps were burned to the ground with every last one of their meager possessions? Where was this power when his mother died begging as he cowered, playing dead in a bath of the blood of everyone he knew?
Where was this power when his sister stood tall, a silhouette against the lightning, and used her body as the shield? Where was this power in the maze, when it could have spared the screaming child who was the first to die?
You could have saved them. You could have saved them. You could have saved them.
#honkai star rail#aventurine#it's Aventurine angst hour!!!#come get your pain!#sometimes my thoughts on Aventurine are just#“Try not to cry.” “Cry a lot.”#but in particular I think about Aventurine unlocking Preservation powers a lot#canon doesn't tell us whether it happened before or after becoming a Stoneheart#and either way I think could be great#like if it happened right when he first got free#how useless and late it must have felt#if it happened after he became a Stoneheart#how much would he question it#is he a true Pathstrider or just piggy-backing on Diamond's gift#will he lose that protection if he leaves the Stonehearts?#then he can never leave because that's the best tool he has for saving people he loves#don't mind me#sometimes I too want to torment the best boy
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*stares at disciple SQQ falling into the abyss au*
oh you are so "SY-is-SJ" coded. You are so "fell into the abyss and suddenly remembered that oh i've been Shen Jiu this whole time, not just Shen Yuan. we are one and the same". you are so 'crumbling under the weight of the system and being in the abyss and the despair of never really being free and having suffered in both lives' built. you are so 'scrambling to come to terms with your existence and battling with which life is really yours, only to realize that they both are'. You are primed for going off the rails.
I'm so normal about this guys. i promise.
#svsss#mxtx svsss#svsss au#shen yuan#shen qingqiu#scum villian self saving system#scum villian#svsss role reversal au#IF I MAKE IT SY-IS-SJ THERE'S NO STOPPING ME FROM MAKING THIS AU QIJIU. LIKE IT MUST BE QIJIU IF I GO THAT ROUTE.#grinding my teeth. grips you by the shoulders tightly#the angst of YQY finding out SQQ fell into the endless abyss and falling into a despair that he couldnt save him AGAIN. him trying to go#through hell and high water trying to get him back. him and LBH are losing their shit. also the idea that YQY existed in SY's world too#not as an older brother but as a close childhood friend who was there for him for years up until their HS years where something happened#that caused a falling out. but YQY keeps trying to rekindle that friendship and never can in that world bc SY dies before they can reconnec#SQQ realizing that he misses YQY like a limb and thinking that if he sees him again he'll demand answers for his supposed abandonment but#also he just wants to hug him. just once. and then maybe punch him. not in that order. its the doomed soulmates guys. its the reconnection#obsessed obsessed obsessed. like HMMMM. SQQ knows YQY's fate from the book and the idea makes him so nauseous he has to sit down#bingqiu is fantastic but ALSO. QIJIU. 'SY-is-SJ' is decidedly perhaps my favorite trope for the time being if only for the pure and utter#self-hatred SY and SJ are going to inflict on each other. its about the mental breakdown guys. especially with chronically ill SY.#SJ hating SY for being sick. for being a shut in. they are a reflection of each other they ARE each other and they hate themselves#holding back from going off the rails about 'SY-is-SJ' au combined with him falling into the abyss#'no light no light' by florence and the machines is this au guys. ive decided it now
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DAY 96: trapped in a timeloop all by yourself, handsome?
#codacheetah#isat#loop isat#siffrin isat#isat spoilers#i'm not even tagging this as sifloop this just happens in the game#if loop hangout has a million fans im one of them#if loop hangout has 5 fans im one of them#if loop hangout has 1 fan that one is me#if loop hangout has no fans im no longer alive#loop hangout is sooooo. there's so many awesome little moments tucked in there and like. it's similar to twohats in a way#where the big spectacle of it leaves the Major impression. you remember loop hangout for the big ol eyes family dying sif screaming#but it's so!!!! it's so!!!!!!!!!!#aughhhh loop and sif being actually kind of genuine together and enjoying each other's company#and loop begins to let their walls down. talking abt how they understand how it feels to be trapped#before they catch themself and deflect. and blow sif a little kissy abt it lol#it's so great. i'd get all huffy abt ppl never remembering this part but i also did not remember a lot of the details of loop hangout until#i had to transcribe it. very underrated scene IMO
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sorry but do you ever think about the fact that the bernard we have today is a direct amalgamation of everything that happened in his past and i know that sound like such an obvious statement to say but it actually kills me to know that you can draw a direct line from who he is today all the way back to that sixteen year old boy who watched his best friend bleed out. like it is the defining moment in his life. it fundamentally shaped who he is and the person he's become. he is the bernard we know and love not despite the grieves shooting but because of it. because the gangs all got together and shot up his school. because tim walked out of that room with nothing but a baseball bat. because his darla got shot. because he watched her gasp and cry as she died. because he watched the blood coagulate around the wound. because he sat there and held her hand as her life drained out of her. because he walked into school that day with a joke he knew would make her laugh and her nose would scrunch up and she'd snort a little and tim would roll his eyes at him and call him ridiculous and instead he walked out with a bloody white shirt, blood under his fingernails, and two friends less. because, even now, almost half a decade out from the shooting, he thinks that if he closes his eyes, he will always be that stupid, scared little sixteen year old, holding the cooling body of dead best friend.
#there is a direct throughline from the boy we meet in robin 121 all the way to man tim reconnects with in urban legends 4#like maybe you guys have other interpretations of it but to me this is *the* defining moment in his life#and that's not to say that he perpetually bound to this traumatic event but it impacted him sooo much that his life is now divided#before shooting and after shooting#like you cannot tell me him falling into the cult was just something that happened to him#it happened bc he was in such a bad place from watching his friend die and then on top of that he loses contact with tim!!!!#this is his canon event!!!!#if you took it away from him if you made it so that he never had to go through it#the bernard we would get would not be the same bernard we got in urb leg4 and tdr#does it not make you want to chew on drywall that to get to the bear we love he has watch his darla die first????#head in hands head in hands#and it wasnt like batman came immediately after darls died!!! iirc they had to wait a little before he came#which means!!!!! alll those kids but bear esp had to sit in that room with darls' dead body until batman came!!!!!#do you think he cried and held her hand until batman came??? do you think he begged her not to go??? or do you think he told her#stories and made promises of all the things they were gonna do after they got out??? do you think he put pressure on the wound and#watched as the blood soaked through the jacket they were using as a towel??? and when she finally passed do you think he bit his lip#clean through to stop himself from wailing? bc if he's too loud the gunmen will hear them and he cannot be the reason jay from#history dies#auuuugh i cant fucking do this anymore#bernard dowd#timbern#darla aquista#louis grieve trio
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reposting some old doodles i still enjoy a bit
#a doodley#guys im having realizations i dont really know what to do with#ive said this tons before but my main issue with art rn is like#i Know anatomy. and what it's Meant to look like. my issue is straying away from Correct and going with Good like how some of my stuff was#before i really started learning. loose and not restricted#but my obstacle is that nobody draws the way i want to draw. and im bad at coming up with my own stuff...i need to copy and osmose off#someone else. well. it turns out there is someone who draws the way i draw. and its cheye of the past.#dont get me wrong if i look thru the rest of the art in the (year) folder these came from; 80% of it sucks#i wish i cld have what past cheye had but with current cheye tweaks and refinement#but idk how to do that. something weird has happened to my mind i really cant envision and make art the same way anymore#idk how he did it back then....i wish i Knew bc current me cant make anything out of sketching or thumbnails or just going at it#arghhh#i try and force myself to draw stuff like this now (interactions) and it looks. so stiff. and bad proportion wise but idk how to fix it#which isnt to say the proportions (for example) in THESE drawings are perfect but they dont scream Wrong or Bad or Incorrect to me ykwim...#idk! idk what to do with this. ive never known how to go back and study my own stuff
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ideal radiostatic relationship progression for me personally is friends to enemies to codependency
#like maybe they had a normal healthy friendship at one point before Something happened and now they can never be normal about each other#ever again#whatever softer thing they had before has been warped and corroded into something unrecognizable but they can't bear to be apart anymore#it's intimate. it's obsessive. it's hateful and tender and violent and playful#and above all. neither of them would let the other leave even if they wanted to#this is also the hannigram relationship progression and YES I SEE IT. I KNOW. i know what i like.#vox#alastor#radiostatic#hazbin hotel#voxal
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