#like thinking about it I think it's possible that I've literally been hugged less times in my life than years I've lived

[medicinemane]

I mean, lets say I manage to get the house cleaned up, what do I get?

I get a clean house

And like... obviously that's something, that's enough in and of itself, but man... sometimes I just... I want something, anything

All that work on cleaning out the trailer and all I got was to get rid of the trailer, which did a lot for me but at the same time... I'd really hoped maybe I'd be able to use some of the money from selling it to take a little trip (it was worthless, there was no money), or that I could some how leverage that in to a chance to have some company... no

It benefited me, there's no way I'd even want to pretend that my life isn't much better without that trailer (I'll still have nightmares where I've got to go clean and move a bunch of stuff out of it)

In many ways though, talking about feeling wise, what it felt like was that getting rid of the trailer earned me the right... to try and clean out the rooms I'd piled stuff from the trailer in

Doing that... got me a room that... like it's way nicer having it clean, but it's just an empty room

Getting all the non specialized rooms cleaned out... it's obviously good but like... what's it done for me other than made it so all I have left is to go through stuff which is so hard fro me

I don't want to sound ungrateful for having a cleaner house... in part if I'm blunt and honest, because I fear somehow being punished for it, but also because it is nicer to go through the rooms now they're cleaner

But like... lets say I succeed, which isn't something I do, but lets say I did. Lets say I get the house totally fixed up and a good income and I can work on my garden and teach a bit out of my basement... how will it really be any different from now, and how is now really that different from when I first got my house

I'm still utterly alone, except for being stuck taking care of my mom who... I really wanted to get away from her so bad, and totally failed. I don't know... fill in the blank for me, and not just with some magical "it'll be better"

What will have changed?

Not saying I won't continue to flail towards that incompetently like I have been at my pathetically slow rate, but I'm just saying... what shred of evidence is there that doing any of that will change anything?

Virtue is it's own reward, as in... it literally is a reward in and of itself. The house being clean is the reason to clean the house but... I no longer am able to believe that anything but isolation awaits me... what evidence is there to counter this view

[angelpassing-by]

THAT SHELL WE CALL A BODY

Characters: Kaeya, Neuvillette, Ayato [blu bois] x [fat!/size neutral!fem!reader] Cw: discussion of weight and body, self image issues, suggestive (?) [maybe if you squint your eyes in Kaeya's part], descriptions of food (i'm so sorry, i just love ice-cream and as a lactose intolerant i just spend all summer daydreaming about it, I literally can't shut up about ice-cream for three months straight), vage mention of dieting. I hinted at this like two months ago, but the Neuvi part just didn't come through as I wanted it, after redoing it several times [and experiencing that first hand] I think I'm now satisfied. So basically you are feeling bad about your body due to different things and the bois comfort you A/N: bad English be aware. 𝒴𝑜𝓊 𝒶𝓇𝑒 𝒶𝓁𝓁 𝓈𝑜𝑜𝑜 𝓈𝓊𝓅𝑒𝓇 𝓅𝓇𝑒𝓉𝓉𝓎 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝓈𝓅𝑒𝒸𝒾𝒶𝓁. 𝑜𝓊𝓇 𝒷𝑜𝒹𝒾𝑒𝓈 𝓌𝑒𝓇𝑒 𝓃𝑜𝓉 𝓂𝑒𝒶𝓃𝓉 𝓉𝑜 𝒷𝑒 𝒿𝓊𝒹𝑔𝑒𝒹 𝒷𝓊𝓉 𝑒𝓃𝒿𝑜𝓎𝑒𝒹. 𝒻𝒶𝓉𝓃𝑒𝓈𝓈 𝒾𝓈 𝓃𝑜𝓉 𝒶 𝓂𝑜𝓇𝒶𝓁 𝒹𝑒𝓈𝒸𝓇𝒾𝓅𝓉𝒾𝑜𝓃 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝒻𝓊𝒸𝓀 𝑒𝓋𝑒𝓇𝓎𝑜𝓃𝑒 𝓌𝒽𝑜 𝒹𝒶𝓇𝑒𝓈 𝓉𝑜 𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓃𝓀 𝓉𝒽𝑒𝓎 𝒽𝒶𝓋𝑒 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝓇𝒾𝑔𝒽𝓉 𝓉𝑜 𝓂𝒶𝓀𝑒 𝒶𝓈𝓈𝓊𝓂𝓅𝓉𝒾𝑜𝓃𝓈 𝒷𝒶𝓈𝑒��� 𝑜𝓃 𝒾𝓉.

𝓚𝓐𝓔Ⴘ𝓐

It had been years since you last enjoyed a bathing afternoon in Cider Lake followed by a relaxing nap in the Sun. That's how you would spend your childhood summers, splashing and running around in the rocky shore. That was until your teens where you started to become self-conscious about your looks, you didn't look like you "were supposed to", although you weren't too sure how you were even supposed to look.

When you managed to start dating Kaeya the self-loathing began to disappear because, if someone as him, the famous Calvary Captain no less, could love you so deeply, how could you be unlovable? Nevertheless, you tried to hide your body as much as possible and limit the intimacy with each other.

"Maybe if my thighs were smaller, and if I had a slim waist. If, if, if..." As every summer you stand in front of the bathroom mirror, inspecting your body from all angles, comparing with those pretty girls you saw in books and movies. Maybe there's something wrong with me, you had tried it all, exercise, diet, but nothing worked and just made your anxiety sky rocket which in turn made you gain the weight all back again.

"Hey, pretty" your boyfriend suddenly pops behind you snaking his arms around you and plants a kiss in your exposed shoulder.

"Don't say that" you grumble suddenly mortified by the image you two make, him, lean and tall, and you, a tiny and chubby.

"Why?" He kisses your other shoulder and stares into your reflection. "You are the prettiest girl I've ever seen."

"I can't believe you, I'm so fat and ugly and- " Kaeya cuts you off.

"You are adorable and you are so fucking soft" His eyes lock with yours through the mirror and he continues softening his serious tone. "You were literally made for me to hug, your thighs are the best pillow when I come home tired, not to mention how hot you look whenever you wear something short" He playfully pats your butt and you can't help but giggle.

"I do have a great ass" You say and he laughs kissing the side of your neck. "So you don't think I'm ugly, even though I don't look like those thin models and actresses?"

"Don't be silly you are much hotter with your soft curves and those legs, damn, I'd be the happiest man if I got to die of asphyxiation between them." He responds, dramatically placing a hand on his chest as if your words had mortally hurt him.

He hugs you again, tighter. "Now seriously, you are pretty, and hot and beautiful and I don't think any other woman in the world could compare to your beauty. And even if you don't believe me, let me tell you that there's no more perfect body for you than your own. And I love you, and I love every inch of you, it doesn't matter how it looks because it's you, and the people who really love you will see how gorgeous you are. And of course, what a great ass you have."

That is the little push you need, seeing the feral look in your boyfriend's eyes as he ogles you, the way his hands hold you with such care and his lips place ghost kisses along the curve of your neck.

"Do you fancy spending the evening in Cider Lake?" You ask softly.

𝓝𝓔𝓤𝓥𝓘ℒℒ𝓔𝑇𝑇𝓔

"Dearest, is something wrong?" Your boyfriend's voice wakes you up from your thoughts.

"Um, yeah, just thinking, that's all" You answer trying to act normally as if thousands of horrible insults to yourself weren't running through your mind in that same moment.

"So, do you want some ice-cream?"He inquires pointing towards the parlor’s poster displaying some of the most delicious sweets you've ever seen, ranging from mint and berries to an elaborate chocolate dessert with sugar sprinkles and cookies toppings.

Your right foot starts bouncing nervously as you shift your gaze around, avoiding Neuvillette's piercing gaze.

"No, I'll pass" You respond. That's probably one of the hardest things you've ever done. There's truly nothing like having a cold ice-cream under the scorching heat of Fontaine's summer strolling along the crowded streets of the capital. But you saw that woman's look, the woman next to the pharmacy, just in front of both of you, that look you knew all too well: "she shouldn't be out here eating more, that's the reason she looks like that". Sadly, one too many passing comments and dismissive looks from your family had made you recognize it from a young age.

Neuvillette gives you a quizzical look but doesn't push any further. He orders himself something you don't have the courage to look at and meanwhile you focus on his pretty hair, the way it reflects the sun in his high ponytail. Of course he had let you tie a ribbon for him before going out and you smile inwardly reliving the sweet moment.

Which is, of course, spoiled by that woman, staring intently from across the street. When you try to return her stare she just looks you up and down with a peculiar face, one you sadly also know. The look that says, "maybe if you were better, you would look better, like me."

The burning shame sets across your face, painting your features reddish. You feel so, so stupid, after all this time, you think, it shouldn't affect me like this.

"Neuvi, can we go home already? I think I'm getting a bit tired" You urge your boyfriend as soon as he gets his treat, starting to walk a few steps ahead him so he can't see your watery eyes.

"Of course, darling, do you want me to call a doctor? I happen to know..." His voice is usually reassuring and warm, but now the world is just too hot and your head spins with anger and sadness. You stop focusing on his words as you both walk home, him, still a step behind you and you, still containing your tears.

At home, your boyfriend grabs your hands before you get the chance to get away, leading you to the velvety blue couch in the living room.

"Hey, are you fine? You've been kind of distracted this afternoon." His tone is laced with concern.

"Yes Neuvi" But your answer does not convince him.

"Are you forgetting love that you talking to the Iudex of Fontaine? Not even the most expert criminals can lie to me, and you, love, aren't really good at lying."

"'M sorry Neuvi-"

"I don't want to press you to tell me something you don't want to tell me, but I just want to know if there is something I can do about it."

Those words just break the little self-control that maintains your tears at bay. They start rolling around your puffy cheeks as heavy droplets of rain. With a concerned look, Neuvi hugs you closer, reassuringly tracing circles in your back with his hand. I'm between sobs and hiccups you manage to explain the situation as best as you can.

"- it's just, I know it must sound stupid, but -"He shushes you cupping your face in his hands.

"Nothing my pretty lady sais is stupid, do you want me to get that rude woman in jail?"

"What? No!" You exclaim with a horrified look, "It's not that important."

"Well, it is, staring disrespectfully at others is an offense and you have feelings, feeling that have been hurt, feelings that very much matter to me. Nobody should look down others and that woman had no business judging whatever you were or weren't doing."

You huff "What are you going to do then, send everyone that looks at me like I'm thrash to jail?"

"Of course, nobody has the right to determine how you feel towards your body" He gets up more determined than before, "Now, does my pretty lady want an ice-cream" His look is so serious that you can't help but feel like you are in one of his trials, but nonetheless, you respond with an equally composed voice, albeit broken at the end by a little chuckle.

"I'd like that very much Sir Iudex of Fontaine."

𝓐Ⴘ𝓐𝑇𝓞

You can't do it, you can't, well, that annoying little voice in the back of your head keeps you saying that you can't, all because of that stupid summer gala your boyfriend Ayato had convinced you to attend.

It had all started last week, with a scented letter from one of the many upstanding noble women in Inazuma. Ayato had come into your shared bedroom at night, just as you were going to sleep, waving it around. He was so excited you just casually agreed to be his companion, after all, as he had said, you had been a couple for a long time now and you always had refused to attend to such events with him.

He got you a delicately embroidered kimono made with the finest of silks just to match his attire, an ornate fan imported from Liyue, even sparkling blue glass hair pins. All you could do was cry for days. And now, again, you walk around the empty tea room adjacent to your bedroom feeling like an stranger.

You look like an ugly thing pretending to be a pretty girl. That's what that little voice reminds you each time you catch a glimpse from your reflection on the vases.

You will ruin his reputation, what will people think when they see him with something like you?

"Is everything all right Lady?"Thoma's voice startles you and you stop your pacing to look at the man's concerned face.

You nod absentmindedly and offer a weak smile. Thoma seems skeptical, however, he bows and leaves you alone again with your thoughts until your inner monologue is disturbed again not too long after.

"Dear, may I come in?" Ayato's voice is heard following two soft knocks on the door.

"Yes, it was Thoma, wasn't it?" You ask a bit too dryly as the door peeks open.

"Yes, but-" Ayato stops dead in his tracks when his gaze falls upon you. "Oh Heavens, you look truly incredible. Why didn't you tell me you were trying your outfit on? I would've worn mine too. Though I'm afraid nobody will look at me with such beauty by my side."

"Don't laugh at me." You huff with a scornful look.

"I'm not." He looks positively puzzled at your words. "You are stunning."

You cross your arms and narrow your eyes at your boyfriend, "Well, I'm not sure I should go with you."

"Did I do something wrong? Is it the dress? I should have ordered something more luxurious, I don't know what I was thinking. Maybe if-"

"No, no" You cut your boyfriend's panicked diatribe. "It's me." To that he truly looks dumbfounded. "Can't you see it? I look... not like you."

"What?" He tilts his head like some sort of confused puppy waiting for further instructions.

"I don't look thin and tall and imposing like you, I don't want others to judge you because of me" That wasn't entirely the truth, even if some high society folk spoke poorly about you, no one would dare to disrespect the Yashiro Commissioner. No, you just didn't measure up.

"That's not going to happen. Besides, it shouldn't matter what anyone thinks of you. Not even me." he gestures to himself "Although if you don't mind me saying, your curves look positively breath taking in this thin silk."

"I don't know if I believe you"

"Don't believe me, you don't have to like your body, but rather, see the value in what it offers."

He spins you around, the blue kimono shifting with your motions, one, two, three times, until you take his hand and begin dancing around the tea table. Now, the reflection of the vases depicts a lovely woman with a regal attire. Yes, she's chubby and soft, but that only makes her look more ethereal. And you realize a split second after that you are that woman.

Maybe you are just as beautiful as you boyfriend thinks, but even if you aren't, you are grateful to have a body that allows you to dance clumsily and with no music whatsoever in a tea room just before sunset.

[slocumjoe]

danse's romance route has some potholes

so, this post woke me from my slumber, have a ramble

This has always been a weird point for me, but I never got around to really figuring out what it was exactly until just now. I think all of the romantic candidates have out-of-place flirting, at least here and there, but Danse consistently has dialogue options to flirt with him at exactly the wrong fuckin time. The odd thing about Danse is that, most of the time, the normal Good/Yes answer is more romantic or sincerely affectionate than the flirt.

So, the Flirts.

The only Flirt that works is when he talks about his fear of losing people, and Sole says, "I care too much about you to do that to you." It's the first Flirt, and he responds by saying you've given him "something to think about." I've gone on about how Danse has never truly felt cared for. Sole's voice acting also sells this Flirt by being somewhat timid, unsure of saying this, but wanting him to know.

Danse's talks go Kreig > Cutler > Haylen > Help Im A Robot. The first time you can flirt with him is in the Cutler chat, where the "I care about you" line comes up. It's not out of left field from the conversation. It's affectionate, it doesn't overstep, but it pushes the line and makes Danse consider "oh shit, there's a lil something something going on here."

The "Would you hold me?" line is much less subtle.

Danse talks about how he doubts himself after Cambridge and Sole's reference to him hugging Haylen makes it seem like they've just been waiting for him to shut up to use that line on him. It's out of place, it circles back to a topic we've moved on from, and it's so overt it sucker-punches everyone involved, including the player. It's blunt.

The other options of "I'm here whenever you need me" or "I'm glad you feel better" are less flirtatious, but they imply more direct concern and care for Danse. Both lines are about Danse, and Sole being there for him. The actual Flirt is what Danse can do for Sole. This is such a weird nitpick, I know, but it comes off not as romantic, but more like Sole is trying to hook up with him. That would work with someone like Hancock, or maybe Piper, but Danse's romance involves more subtlety and slow-burn elements. It's too forward.

So, in his final talk...

It's literally "Kitten I'll be honest, Daddy's about to kill himself" "haha no don't kill yourself you're soooo sexy"

It comes right after he's having a lot of emotions about his reason for living. This is not the time to put the responsibility of a relationship on someone. Again, this is a flaw of the 4 Affinity Talks system. If you're just going for a platonic relationship with Danse, his talks work great, but his character arc is unfinished anyway. They have to shoehorn romance in there, and it doesn't have the room to develop naturally. It's why Sole has to explicitly say "Would you hold me ;>".

The strangest part is that his neutral/Friendly dialogue options are more affectionate and relationship-building. Again, the other options in the Haylen talk comfort Danse and reassure him.

Honestly, I think the best option, for all romancable companions, is within arms reach. You know how, if you don't romance someone, they'll bring up their last talk again and give you a barn door of an opening to broach the subject of a relationship again? Just. Do that/ It's literally what I did when I romanced Danse; don't romance him as soon as possible. Let it marinate.

The second chance to romance him goes the exact same way, eyebrows to space and all. It just takes place after Danse confesses how close he feels to you and trusts you and not RIGHT AFTER BLIND BETRAYAL.

It's easy to fix the pacing just by not going for the smooch ASAP, but the flirting is awkward. It's worth noting that the line before the Haylen flirt "It's comforting to know that I can speak to you as more than just your commanding officer" has it's own Flirting tag on it. Danse flirts with Sole here, canonically.

A cheap and easy rewrite is Sole echoing the sentiment with something like, "It's comforting to know that you're more than my commanding officer." This leaves room for interpretation. What else is Danse? Sole has an idea, but leaves Danse to wonder about it. It also confirms to Danse "yes, we have a personal bond and this isn't just a work thing."

I think the core of Danse's romance is this dude realizing that he's loved and cared for, truly. Cait has a similar arc, but hers has different complications and contexts than Danse. Danse needs a slow-burn romance full of soft moments and instances of Sole reminding him of his own humanity, even long before the synth thing.

It's worth noting that the "i care too much about you" line is still kinda overshadowed by the "But I wanna be a mutant" joke. That joke makes him laugh, he jokes back without missing a beat, and it's a cute little bonding moment between him and Sole. Romance isn't just overt flirting, it's the little things that make you think the other person is special. How many people do you think can make Danse laugh? Especially about becoming a Super Mutant, right after being told about Cutler? Danse thinks Sole is funny. He thinks it's a cute little joke. He's charmed.

Then Sole sucker-punches him with an explicit ask of physical contact and emotional exploration and the moment is lost. For the Halyen talk, you could have an option where Sole asks, teasingly, if this is going on the report, and Danse laughs and contemplates what Maxson would think. Maybe he even comments about how rumors spread on the Prydwen, implying that he knows there is something between you two for people to gossip about. This would later tie in to The Reveal, where Maxson says the same thing.

[henrysglock]

Does Brenner really asks Henry "what changed your mind? Is there someone else"? Are you serious? Is that actual dialogue?? I'm just shocked, how is no one talking about how weird Brenner is with Henry? does it just flies over most peoples heads?? What the hell

That is straight out of the plays I saw. Both of them. Verbatim.

Henry decides to leave HNL because Patty asked him to come back to do the school play. He tells Brenner he wants to leave, and the scene more or less goes like this:

"I'm leaving." "I'm sorry to hear that. Can I ask why?" "I've decided I don't want to do this (read: make contact with the Shadow) anymore." "What changed your mind? Is there someone else?" "...No." "What, you think you can be normal? Go to prom with some stupid girl?" (Taking pages out of byler's playbook, I see)

And if I recall correctly, that's when Henry starts trying the theater doors to get out. Brenner goes on to tell Henry that he's all Henry will every have, etc. Brenner also, at one point, refers to Henry as "my boy", to which Henry whirls around and storms back towards the stage while growl-yelling "I'M NOT YOUR BOY". (And god it's so fucking good in person.)

Brenner very much treats Henry like a misbehaving/unfaithful wife. It had me gasping even the second time I saw the show and knew it was coming. I expected their dynamic to be clear, but I didn't expect it to be this blatant.

(Right down to love triangle blocking and shared color palettes! Slay. I hate it.)

More "fun" freak facts: Brenner kisses Henry on the head twice during his first stay in the lab:

When he's trying to trauma-bond Henry to himself by forcing him to lose control and kill a rat, only to present himself as a sole possible source of comfort for Henry. After Brenner cups Henry's face in his hands to take readings of his pupil sizes (1.9 and 5.9 respective to left and right eyes...1959...), Henry turns to sob into Brenner's shoulder about it, and Brenner hugs him/kisses his hair and tells him that what he did was "very good". (All of this while Henry's displaying, and I quote, "traumatic mydriasis", which is consistent with strokes and major head injuries. No medical treatment for Henry, just kisses and petting from Brenner.)

When Henry's having his grand mal seizure after displaying images of Dimension X. Brenner doesn't give him proper seizure care, he just cradles him, pets him, and kisses the top of his head. While Henry's half-aware post-seizure, Brenner asks him if he'd like to make contact with the Shadow. Henry agrees, but then as soon as he's slightly more aware he looks to a doctor behind him and literally asks for help. He looks back and says "Help..." Brenner also massages Henry's shoulders while he's ball-gagged in the '70s, and tells him he's been "such a good boy these past few years", which means he's fit to meet the children, which are referred to both as his and Brenner's children, but also as his siblings.

This means he kisses/caresses Henry more than Patty does. Period. Point blank.

Brenner also has some choice lines about Henry and killing. Henry's being forced into killing this whole time, but Brenner turns it around on him and says, verbatim, "You liked it more than you thought you would". It's 10000% giving "You actually wanted it/You were asking for it" irt being, uh, forced into doing something that you didn't want to do. (Especially irt the Shadow and all of its rape coding...Yikes!)

Brenner also massages Henry's shoulders while Henry's ball-gagged and belted to a chair in the '70s, all while telling Henry he's "been such a good boy these past years", which means Brenner has deemed him fit to meet the children...the children which are referred to both as Henry/Brenner's children, but also as Henry's siblings.

Yeah. They're considered Brenner and Henry's children ("You're as much a father to these children as I am"), but they're also Henry's "brothers and sisters". You do the math on that one.

Lots of freak vibes all around.

[emotionalabuseawareness]

Personal update

Hi, everyone.

I'm... here. I'm... fine. Pre-covid-era levels of fine, even if less stable - as in it takes really only a little to throw me off and have me spiraling down. At the same time I'm also kinda better at recovering afterwards. Yet I'm aware now more than ever that I need to do trauma therapy for things to properly improve and for me not constantly struggling with flashbacks and stuff. I've done therapy over the years but never trauma therapy, at first (for the longest time) because I didn't know that that was an option, that there are therapists specialised in that and then, because there was so much else going on and then I tried but oh man, the waiting lists are so long... I'm planning on starting it sometime this year.

I've been neglecting this blog so much and I literally haven't logged in in months out of guilt. At the same time I'm so busy with work and projects that I don't really have the time to post, for now. I'd really want to get back to it at some point (maybe the end of the year?) and I also still like to eventually publish the website I was planning to do, but I'm not sure anymore if I'll manage that. Definitely want to post here again, though. It's kind of hard to grasp that it's been 12 years since my first post. I wonder if I were to re-read all that I've written if there are things that I think totally different of by now or where I'd just give different or possibly expanded (due to more life experience) advice. Surely something I'll check when I start posting again.

12 years also means that I worry somehow about people getting discouraged by the fact that for me and for others, just leaving your abusive parents, hasn't lead to a stability in mental health, but that there still are struggles. That has also been a reason for not wanting to log in and post here. ...in the end it's just the reality, though. Experiencing years of abuse in childhood will for most people lead to CPTSD and have long-lasting effects. Still, things have gotten better and I do hope that things can improve even more. And I hope that things improve for you too.

Take care of yourself. Be kind to yourself. If you need a hug right now, let me give you at least a virtual one.

[ranaissingle]

Coffee or Tea pt.5

Masterlist Part 1 Part 4

Summary: Cuddles and then fluff and then smut. The true holy trinity if you ask me

Rating: M (I will mark where the smut starts for those who want to skip it)

Pairings: Austin x AFAB!Reader Word Count: 2.5k ( I think that's a record lol) Warnings: sex stuff, p in v sex, unprotected sex (pls use protection kids)

A/N: The long-awaited final chapter is here. It took me literally 5 days to write all of the smut bc, and I can't stress this enough, I have no idea what I am doing. Thank you all for following me on this journey. This was my first fanfiction, and the reception of my writing has been greater than everything I could have ever dreamed of. I love you all.

Also, please send me requests I have no inspiration

♡━━━━━━━♡━━━━━━ ♡━━━━━━ ♡

Following their less-than-innocent activities, Austin and Y/N had elected to retreat into her room to spend the rest of the night together.

Austin sat up from the couch with Y/N's body still securely wrapped around his and her legs hugging his waist.

"I'll take us to bed now m'kay?" Her soft reply of "mmhm" and nodding into his shoulder was all he needed to begin the short walk to her room.

He gently placed her on the bed with a tenderness that made tears well up in her eyes. His hands were soothing on her tense skin, and the gentle smile on his face made her heart skip a beat.

Austin looked up from his ministrations to catch her eyes.

"Darlin? Are you alright? Did I do something wrong?" The worry in Austin's voice was palpable. She dug her palms into her eye sockets to stem the flow of tears.

"N-no. You were perfect, it was nice. So nice that I don't know if this is real or a dream and I don't want it to end and I'm so scared that it will." The words tumbled out of her mouth before she had the chance to realize what it was she was actually saying. They were warbled from her tears and teetered on the edge of a confession she wasn't sure she wanted to make.

"It's all real Y/N, all of it and I don't want you to think that it is anything but real." Austin's voice cut through her anxiety like a knife through butter. Her shoulders sagged where he massaged her arm and he let her fall against his chest.

"Sorry, I've never felt or done any of this before so I guess you could say that I'm a little... shocked is all. I didn't think you would stick around afterward honestly."

Austin's laugh was crisp, "I’m sad you think so little of me, princess.'

"No! It's not like that. I know you wouldn't leave me like that because I know you are a good person. I guess I just have abandonment issues." She chuckled dryly.

"Listen darlin', I have meaning to tell you that I-. Well, I lov-"

She could swear she heard buzzing in her ear. He didn't say what she thought he said. Did he? No, he didn't, because that wouldn't make any sense.

Her nails dug into her palms.

That would mean that for the first time in her life, someone had loved her the way she did them. But that's not possible. Is it?

The thoughts spiraled in her mind and each one was darker than the last. He was lying to her. He was lying to get her to sleep with him. He was going to use her and then leave her alone like all the others.

Her hands felt clammy.

A large warm hand enveloped her own and the fog in her mind began to clear.

"Come back to me darlin'. Come back, please." The soft voice gently lulled her back into awareness. She felt like she was coming back up for air after being trapped underwater.

“Sorry. I- I didn't-" She could barely get a word out as she gulped down the fresh air.

Austin moved his hands to cup her face and repeated his earlier words.

"I love you. I love you so much it hurts. You are all I think about darlin' you are all I want."

"Austin." She gasped his name and pushed her lips against his soft ones.

She moved her mouth against his with a fervor she wasn't even sure she had. His tongue swiped the seam of her lips to ask for entrance and she happily gave it to him. He worked her in ways much different than before. He tilted her head every which way while he brought his hands down to palm her hips and bring her closer all at once.

Y/N was back in his lap with her legs stretched over his and Austin pulled away from her to speak.

"We don't have to go any further tonight if you don't want to. We don't even have to do it all if that's what you would wa-"

"I love you." Her voice was clear as a summer morning and almost like she had gathered more courage she spoke again.

"I love you Austin. More than I have ever loved anyone in my life."

Smut starts here (MDNI)

Austin groaned loud and fierce before he crashed his lips over hers again.

He was everywhere. His hands reached down to palm her clit once more through her clean panties.

"I know your body so well Y/N. I knew what to do before I even touched you for the first time." He punctuated his sentence with a quick flick of Y/N's clothed clit making her gasp and buck her hips into his. She felt his hard bulge straining against the seam of his pants.

She reached down to palm it softly. Austins' groan was so loud it practically shook the walls of her small apartment.

She retracted her palm before stuttering out, "S-Sorry! Did I hurt you?".

"No darlin' not at all. If anything, it feels too good. Something about your little hands just gets me goin'."

"Uh, do you... Do you want me to keep going?"

"Yeah baby, I want your hands on me for the rest of my life." His exasperated sigh and far-off stare told her all she needed to know.

Austin enveloped her hand with his and brought it back down to the source of his mental fog. He opened her palm and pressed it against himself.

"Ugggnh" He groaned and moaned while she unhurriedly palmed him through his pants.

"Just like that darlin' you're doin' so well, agh!" He moaned when she applied more pressure to a particular spot. He was putty in her hands writhing and twisting his hips at every touch while panting into her neck. Despite the consuming pleasure, he still found the strength to work her most sensitive bits. Austin's fingers slowly lifted the hem of her panties up and away from her nether region to glimpse the dripping oasis he knew was there. He slowly pushed his fingers in between her; much to her appreciation. Her hips bucked against his hand and her head fell into his neck.

"Austin!~" Y/N's voice was pained.

As if this was her first time with him all over again. Like Austin hadn't just brought her to climax less than a half hour before. She felt she had all the energy in the world. Perks of being a woman she supposed.

"You already want more don't ya darlin'? I just rang you dry earlier and you're already craving huh?" He circled his finger around the rim of her entrance and she tensed in his arms.

"You're such a greedy little thing arent ya." He pushed his finger in slowly while still rubbing his thumb against her clit. She tried to keep her hand's movements consistent where she rubbed it over his cock, but with all the ways he was touching her, it felt nearly impossible. She could barely breathe let alone execute accurate muscle movements.

"Austin uh- slow down, I can't- I can't touch you at the same time~" Y/N's panting gasps made it hard to let out a coherent sentence.

"Oh, but I know you can darlin' You're gonna have to if you want me to keep goin'." She could hear the smirk in his voice as he spoke. He knew exactly what he was doing and he was enjoying it. Almost too much. Her arms shook with the effort it took to keep her hands steady as she rubbed over the ridges of his cock as a white liquid dribbled slowly out of his tip.

"You're doin' so well darlin'. Your hands feel so good Y/N Jesus! I don't know how much longer I'm gonna last." His face had scrunched up at his confession but his hands were mercilessly pounding her. He had managed to put in another finger and found that spongy spot inside of her once again while she was focused on him.

"I'm gonna need ya to stop touchin' me darlin' I want to finish inside of you. Can I?"

Now, normally she would have turned this suggestion down immediately (assuming she had gone this far with anyone save for her vibrator) but it seems at that moment, Y/N suffered from a temporary moment of insanity.

Y/N gasped at his suggestion and whimpered as the visual of his cum leaking out of her crossed her mind.

"Austin please, please I want you inside me so bad." She leaned her head against his shoulder and whispered in his ear, " I want to feel you Austin, please. I want you so bad I can barely think."

"Darlin' you are making it so hard to be gentle with ya right now." His head lolled back against the headboard to compose his thoughts before he perked back up signaling he had come to a decision.

He gazed at her intently, causing Y/N to squirm in his lap. He had managed to get her writhing against him all over again with nothing but his gaze. A gaze that said he was going to devour her and leave nothing left.

"Come closer darlin', this is gonna be a bumpy ride." He drew one of his hands around her waist to tug Y/N closer to him. Austin's fingers traced the seam of her shirt and looked at her for permission. With a nod from her, he grasped the fabric and pulled it up over her head, tossing it aside in the room."

He didn't say a word as he ogled her chest like a starved man.

"Jesus darlin' every time I think you can't get any better you prove me wrong."

"Austiiin~" The need in her voice had Austin at her beck and call. He would have moved mountains for her at that moment. He moved the both of them to where she was laying on the bed and he hovered over her.

"I know baby, I'll help you feel good don't worry." Austin reached back in between her legs to gather some of her slick on his fingers and rubbed it over his swelled shaft.

"I'm gonna put it in now darlin' alright? It might hurt a little so just tell me and I'll stop, hm?" She nodded and he pushed her legs apart to align himself with her leaking hole. He groaned at the sight of her. He pushed himself slowly into her and she felt the air leave her lungs as he stretched more than she had ever thought possible. The ridges of him pushed and prodded against her in the most perfect way.

"A-AUSTIN!~" His name fell from her lips in a cascade accompanied by moans of pleasure and whimpers. Her nails dug into his shoulder blades to quell the growing burning sensation in her stomach. Austin had stopped his movements in order to give Y/N a moment to breathe and grow accustomed to him, but she wanted anything but the sort. She pulled his head closer to her lips and whispered so softly he barely heard her at all.

"Please Austin, I want to feel you moving inside of me." He didn't even give me the chance to finish before he was pounding his hips against hers. The fervor with which he pushed against her made her see galaxies in her vision almost immediately.

"Fuck darlin' I would spend the rest of my life inside of you." He brought his hand up to thumb her clit and her choked sobs spurred him on. His other hand reached up to cup her cheeks and bring her into a searing kiss. Y/N's heart fluttered against his chest and Austin's groans of pleasure only made her gush more.

"Come on darlin', you're doin' so well for me. Jesus." His speed continued to increase until he was spindling her so hard that the bed frame started to shake and rattle against the wall.

"You're so beautiful, my god. You look so good when you're hungry for me baby." His fingers played with her clit and prodded her already stuffed entrance.

Y/n felt something bubbling up inside of her. Something that threatened to spill over at any given moment, and Austin felt it. Y/N clenched herself against his cock which created the most delightful friction between the both of them. Austin's labored breaths and hands tightened around her body bringing her closer to the edge of the proverbial cliff.

"Darlin, are you close? I can feel ya clenching around me. Fuck, you re squeezing the shit out of me! I'm gonna wring you dry just you wait baby." Austin's moans and groans grew louder in tandem with hers until neither of them could hear the other anymore.

"Are you gonna come baby? Come on I want to see how you look when you finish darlin'. You'll let me see it won't you?" His voice sounded desperate and it hitched after each thrust. He would not allow himself to cum until he had seen you fall apart under him for the first time.

Y/N felt like she had transcended time when her orgasm came crashing down on her.

"AUSTIN!" The anguish in her voice shocked her as her thighs shook and her nails dug deeper into Austin's back making little crescent shapes moons as a mark of her pleasure.

"That's it baby! Fuck! Your cunt is so goddamn tight. Ungh! I'm gonna cum darlin'. Your insides are gonna be full of me."

He pounded into her impossibly harder before letting out a moan so loud it shook the walls while the emptied himself in her. She felt him sputter inside of her and the liquid painted her insides. Austin's heavy body collapsed next to her with his head and part of his shoulders resting over her.

Both of them let out heavy pants and had equally large smiles on their faces.

Austin was the first to move and pull the blanket from the sides of the bed over the two of them. resting his head on hers and embracing her in his chest. Gently, he brushed back her disheveled hair and caressed her cheek before kissing her temples and cheek.

He placed little kisses all over her face and neck until she eventually fell asleep in his arms more relaxed than she had ever been before.; and when he was sure she was asleep he whispered in her ear,

"I love you so much I would die for you Y/N." Austin had never felt for anyone so strongly. Austin had never felt such strong emotions for anyone, but for some inexplicable reason, you had captured his heart and held it in the palm of your hand. He was willing to follow you anywhere and everywhere, forever, with a smile on his face.

♡━━━━━━━♡━━━━━━ ♡━━━━━━ ♡

PLEASE READ ALL OF IT!!

You girlies will be pleased to know that I have improved how shy I get writing smut. I had the gall, the audacity, and the gumption, to write most of this while in a Starbucks when I should have been doing psych homework. But alas, I have no shame. I literally typed a vagina as a "dripping oasis" IN A PUBLIC PLACE. BRB gonna go kill myself. I am also planning an Austin Butler x OC series SO would the girlies prefer a reader insert or would an OC be good too? PLEASE let me know because I'm so stuck lol. I feel that it's hard to have an in-depth story with just an x-reader parameter. I would still use pronouns like you and your etc. but just the name would be decided already and I would be able to give more personality to the character BUT I would still keep it race and body neutral. idk tho. I hope you bitches enjoyed this poor excuse for smut lol I still have to get better at writing it.

[monty-glasses-roxy]

got another for the ask game, Cassie and Vanessa

Give me two (or more) characters and I'll tell you how they first met and how they feel about eachother now

Uhhh well that's. Not something I've put a lot of thought into gotta be honest. It's definitely gonna be. A situation.

This situation would probably be from Gregory, Vanessa and Freddy returning to the Plex for some reason so as the only two with no immediate history, they're sort of just not really interacting? Roxy is happy to know she's alive, but is fucking pissed off at Freddy, while Cassie is so tired okay? From her perspective, unless she has evidence to the contrary, Gregory tried to kill her, then there was the situation with the Mimic and just. Yeah she would like to not be here right now, and the tension between Roxy and Freddy is suffocating, she's honestly scared that if someone doesn't break it and start talknig soon, he's not getting out alive. Gregory is glad Cassie is alive and well, and is kinda pissed off that of all the animatronics, it was Roxy that lived. Like, really? The worst one of the whole group? Bullshit. Vanessa meanwhile, is just glad everyone is okay. She literally has no direct history with Cassie, and was friends with Roxy (despite her attempts not to be) before shit hit the fan so uhhh yeah it would depend on why they came back how this would go I think.

However, if it's just Vanessa that comes back for any reason, (such as not wanting to put a child in danger again) that would make them meeting a bit more straight forward. She could find Cassie hanging out in Plex lobby with Roxy and some Minis, and honestly be pretty surprised? Just climbs down from on top of the doors like "Roxy??? You're still here???" before getting herself hugged. I like to think the animatronics don't have any idea what happened to her, so the possibility of her being dead was very, very real to them. Thus, they're happy to see her! Or, hear her, in Roxy's case if she hasn't decided on new eyes or something yet.

But anyway, this would allow for Roxy to introduce them in a non-stressful way. If Vanessa and Gregory were trying to guide Cassie out of the underground pizza place, and if she knows what happened to the lift, well... she's pretty fucking relieved to see her alive and well! Healing, maybe missing a limb or something, (haven't decided how I'm handling this yet) but still okay! And as it turns out, her dad is maybe also here, or is now trusting enough to let Cassie be there on her own, so long as she goes no further than the lobby. Hearing that, Vanessa is internally so relieved that this isn't another homeless child situation. She would have taken her in without a second thought of course, but her already being safe, supported and cared for is such a huge relief to her. She is a bit confused on how she's best friends with Roxy, and she's asking a whole load of questions to try and wrap her head around everything that happened from an insider perspective, but honestly, I think both Roxy and Cassie would convince her to stay for a while afterwards. So they can catch up, ya know?

From Cassie's perspective, she was initially spooked by this random person jumping into the Plex. There's been a few instances of people coming in to graffiti, and they're either incredibly offputting, chased away by Roxy and the Minis, or just vanish into a corner to do their thing for a while before leaving peacefully. Sometimes the others are in the lobby with them too of course, but Roxy is there every time, so she's not too worried. Some of them do weird her out a bit though... so Vanessa showing up like that? She doesn't know what to make of her. She doesn't look like the normal people that come by here. Cassie stays by Roxy and the Minis until Vanessa speaks and suddenly there's a big reunion happening. Honestly? If Roxy trusts this lady, then Cassie does too... just slightly less. Stranger danger and what not.

The meeting goes generally pretty well. Cassie notices real fast that Vanessa is very jumpy and really doesn't seem to want to be here. She can understand the sentiment, given what's happened, and the more tidbits she hears about what happened to Vanessa... oh god what the heck okay? She would swear about it if she could literally what do you mean she was trapped in an arcade cabinet???? What??????? Cassie is Concerned, okay? She thought the Mimic was bad!! And then Vanessa is acting exact same way as she hears them both tell her the basic summary of what happened, and it's like they've discovered a very alarmed and confused kindred spirit.

Vanessa meanwhile... is wondering how Cassie can be so calm being back here again. It strikes her as so weird that anyone would want to come back after something like that, but Cassie is adamant that she couldn't ever leave her friends behind. That one sentence sticks in her brain. It wasn't intentional, she knows that, but it felt a little backhanded. Vanessa didn't think the others even still liked her after everything that happened! She didn't think they'd want her to come back! And yet, here Roxy is, holding her hand like it's both made of glass and like it's her lifeline. Cassie being there after everything and being so proud and happy to be friends to the animatronics still, opens up a lot of doors in her head with a lot of worries and a lot of questions that Vanessa had thought she'd already answered. It's a lot to say the say the least. When she leaves, she's invited back almost immediately by both of them, and maybe Eclipse came rushing over once he heard she was there and invited her back to visit again as well. This whole situation has put a lot of things into a new perspective for her, and she's not sure she knows what to do with this. Whether she ever comes back or not, is entirely on her, and they didn't once try to pressure her about it. She just... needs to think about all of this...

I don't think if Vanessa came back initially with Gregory and Freddy in tow, that it would have gone this smoothely. If anything, these two might get introduced in the thick of it all, but otherwise, would be an after thought to each other. Too much going on to really meet and make friends, ya know?

With that in mind, after this meeting, the two have the beginnings of a friendship after the scenario above. If Vanessa comes back, they would have more time to really get to know each other a bit better, but if she doesn't come back, then that's about as far as it goes.

In the case of her not coming back, Cassie would have her clocked as a pretty nice person overall, who can be kind of funny sometimes when she's not flinching at every sound and movement. She feels like she and Vanessa have both gone through the ringer here, and that she'd like to see her again. It would be nice to have another person around that can understand her a bit better than her dad, and Vanessa isn't bound to the Plex either, so that would make it easier too. Vanessa on the other hand, is hung up on the fact that Cassie didn't deserve any of that. She feels like maybe she could have done something, and maybe there's more she can still do, but figuring out what is a losing battle. Cassie is too nice, too kind and too full of life for the horrors of the Plex. Does she try and contact her dad to keep her away?? She couldn't do that... Especially not after discovering that the animatronics are still there and had missed her so much... And then the way Cassie treated them? The way Cassie talked about never leaving them? This is a whole can of worms oh god... and the fact she doesn't go back, just leaves her wondering about if Cassie is doing okay, and if she and her dad are taking care of the animatronics still. Even if she decides it's best not to go back, the thought will always be on her mind now that she's abandoned everyone... The whole situation is such a huge struggle for Vanessa like holy hell

And in the case of Vanessa choosing to go back again? On her own again? She's greeted with so much enthusiasm every time. It's a slow process. She mostly tries to be there when Cassie isn't at first, just to try and work things out with Roxy again, but once school is out for whatever reason, that becomes increasingly difficult. Cassie honestly brings a balance to everything here though. Her presence keeps Roxy from threatening untold violence on Freddy the next time she sees him (there's still threats, but she is very much biting her tongue), and Vanessa's nerves are a little eased by just how comfortable Cassie is being here. Where Cassie acts as a middle ground for Vanessa and the Plex, Vanessa acts as a middle ground for Cassie and Gregory. She's very careful to only tell them what she's been told she can tell them, and with confirmation that Gregory wasn't the one that dropped the lift... it's nice to have indirect contact with him until Cassie is ready to see him again.

The both of them build a kind of sisterly bond (not the super close and tight knit type, the chill and less close, 'would hide the body for you but I dont know your birthday', type) and look forward to their meet ups at the Plex after a while. It might take some time to settle, but Vanessa has taken to bringing her sweets and random things she finds when she's out and about and Cassie returns the favour with friendship bracelets and some cupcakes she made with her dad. Cassie learned to trust her pretty fast, despite Vanessa's self-trust issues trying to keep her at a good distance. Vanessa has described her as a gem before, while Cassie calls her cool aunt Ness as a joke that makes her smile more than she'll admit. Roxy tried that joke once and got whacked with her torch lmao

Long and short of it, it takes some time, and they have a few rough patches, but they're friends now. They appreciate each other, and I like to think they'd get along just fine.

Vanessa will burn that fucking VANNI mask though. Mark her words, that thing is getting incinerated whether Cassie likes it or not. As soon as Vanessa figures out how to convince her it makes the Mimic look like a fucking saint, that thing is gone.

[sleepyconfusedpotato]

Hi sleepy! Merry Christmas and a happy new year to you! Have a wonderful year ahead! While I have been a long time ghost fan, I have to admit that this is the first time I've seen your work and I think it's absolutely fantastic! I would like to ask you four questions. 1- Apart from the usual traits, what was it about the character that drew you to ghost? 2- What inspired you to decide to pair up ghost with jade and how did you come up with her character? 3- How long have you been an artist? 4- Have you considered the possibility of actually writing a proper story about ghost and jade like one with a lot of chapters? Cause I've read your short stories and I think they are marvelous. Keep rocking the artwork and leading an amazing life! I wish you the best!:)

Hello hello! (´ ∀ ` *) Thank you so much!

Apart from the usual traits, what was it about the character that drew you to Ghost?

Well, apart from me having a thing for dark, big grumpy man who covers his identity with a mask, I think he's a very interesting character and leaves much room for fans to explore, specifically in the current rebooted version. Like how his character grows from disliking Soap/just working with others in general because they might hold him back, to finally understanding that he needs his teammates and showing himself to the teammates as the highest form of trust. There's just so much to add there; moments where he slowly opens himself up, where he finally allows other people to come in and know him (because of course the campaign is too short JAKSLSDKFJL). So yeah, the complexity of his character, and the wide room for exploration for character development.

What inspired you to decide to pair up Ghost with Jade and how did you come up with her character?

As I have answered in a few asks before, I just wanna give this man a BIG tight hug and give him a happy ending, and Jade is my manifestation of that. For a man who's literally closed himself to the world other than the moniker "Ghost", who is deemed as a legend and a myth, a soldier who's highly task-oriented, he would keep everyone he knows at arm's length. So I think in order for him to open up, he would need someone special who primarily understands him. Someone who knows what it feels like to be a living weapon and how heavy of a burden it is. Someone who gets him enough to alleviate his burdens and, for once, give him peace of mind. Like who the fuck in the world even knows what that feels like? Who can he share his burdens with? You got it : Jade. I'd like the thought of Jade being a paradox to Ghost, as she's been through a lot of trauma and darkness much like him, but she somehow managed to keep her 'light' - seen on how she treats people (and him), and how she's still as capable and as skillful as him to finish her job, and that's precisely how I want to insert her into the story. Ghost and Jade share that same aspect of working alone and the need to learn that they're not alone - that this person actually understands what the other has been through.

How long have you been an artist?

Hmmm.... if it's in the context of professionally (as in started making money and treating drawing as a serious passion instead of just a hobby), it's since I was 17 years old, so about 3 years. But if the question is more to the 'since when did I start drawing', I've been drawing since I was like 4 years old. It's all I've ever known, it's all I've ever done. So a long time.

Have you considered the possibility of actually writing a proper story about Ghost and Jade like one with a lot of chapters?

Y E S. (★‿★) I am currently writing a 12 parter (probably less, probably more ASKJJDFJASDF) of MWII Ghost x Jade series called "Cold Heart". I have all the outlines deep in my Google Docs! It's basically the MWII campaign story, but add Jade into it, and how she changes things up (and how she and Ghost started to grow close). I just need to write it. Though unfortunately only the prologue is posted (you can find it on my masterlist) as I'm still on my finals exam. But! After my finals are over, I'll immediately jump on the series and write it!

Hope that answers the question, and thank you for asking! (❁´◡`❁)

[fyodcrs]

KATIE!!! I'm sorry I'm late ajdlslfkdkf but I had to drop in and ask, HOW ARE YOU DOING AFTER FYODOR'S EPIC REVEAL?? CAN YOU BELIEVE HE GOT A COMEBACK IN THE MOST GLORIOUS WAY POSSIBLE?? From theorizing it to finally having it in the actual manga, it's been a long time journey hasn't it?! :'D

I went back to read our old posts and you were really close in some of the parts like his ability being to "punish" someone "he" thought committed a "sin" (basically killing him lol). Please let me hear all your thoughts!! I'm also so happy for you!! I'm really glad they didn't finish off his character with the awful mersault death plot 😭😭

@kunikiiida-kuuun KRIS THIS WAS LITERALLY ME READING THE CHAPTER:

I MEAN WHAT A FUCKING ENTRANCE:

I've been thinking about all my old theories, and maaaan, I would have never imagined something quite like this. It's true that we were right about Fyodor's Ability "punishing" someone who has committed a "crime," though I wouldn't have thought that "crime" or "sin" was literally killing Fyodor himself, lol. And I WAS right that he is immortal (kind of?)!! Or at least that he's been around for hundreds of years!! I also seem to be right that he doesn't age, though I guess we'll have to wait and see if it's explained why his appearance hasn't changed in centuries.

It still hasn't been explained how he's able to kill with a touch, however. This hasn't been explained:

There are definitely more secrets to be uncovered when it comes to Fyodor, so it remains to be seen if there's more to his Ability or if this will end up being an inconsistency.

I think the true nature of Fyodor's Ability is really interesting in terms of Dostoevsky's novels, too. "Possession" (though not in the literal sense) is a motif that occurs in a couple of his novels, most notably Demons, but also, to an extent, The Brothers Karamazov and Crime and Punishment. In Demons the "possession" is specifically "demonic possession" in the biblical sense, though again, it isn't literally in the biblical sense, just the overarching symbolism. I actually started to write a meta about this several chapters back, so maybe I'll finish it, haha.

I definitely did not imagine that Fyodor would take over Bram. Poor Bram :( But damn does he look good in Bram's clothes and wielding the holy sword and Fukuchi's time bullshit sword 🥵

Also poor Genichirou :(

This doesn't really fix the issues with the Meursault arc, but if Fyodor really sent himself to prison in order to trick Dazai into sending himself to prison, too, that does actually explain the bizarre decision to get himself arrested in the first place, which was one of my biggest gripes. There are still plenty of other problems, but whatever, I guess sdfghjhfghjk.

I was becoming less invested in the series since the Infamous Helicopter Crash and the Dazai Friendship Speech of Doom, but I'm finally excited again!!! I'm really curious to see where this is gonna go. I know Fyodor is going to be defeated somehow, but I hope he causes all sorts of chaos first, he deserves to ଘ(੭ˊᵕˋ)੭* ੈ✩‧˚ ♡♡

Also Fyodor and Ranpo interaction maybe??? It better happen or I'm gonna be like (╮°-°)╮┳━━┳ ( ╯°□°)╯ ┻━━┻

asdfgdfgh Kris, I can't believe we've gotten this far, it's been years and we're finally getting answers. I'm so happy omggg. But I swear BSD just keeps getting wilder and wilder lmao

*hugs* 🤗🤗💖💖

[fatuismooches]

SMOOOCHES!!! Hiii darling! ૮꒰˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶ ꒱ა

This isn’t a story but really just me coming on here to talk so I hope you don’t mind! I’m sorry if it’s ever a bother or disturbs you! But I finally finished with all my exploration~! Well, I actually finished on the 10th of July (aka this month) BUT I felt a little shame to just come on here and say that I had finished I was too embarrassed;; but how has everything been? I hope you’re staying fresh in this blazing summer (it’s literally like 115° every single day here it’s unbearable for me and my dog) and also making the most out of it! I’m dreading going back to school in less than a month I’m not ready!!! (Leaks mentioned: ALSO HAVE YOU HEARD OF A SUPPOSED NEW DOTTORE SOUNDTRACK? It sounds so good AND IT MAY BE A CUTSCENE kinda like Kazuha’s friend or Makoto’s in the Archon Quests! I’m really hoping we get more lore on our boo boo Dottore he’s just so interesting!!) I also just recently read a VERY lengthy character analysis on him and oh mygskkd. It really helped me get to understand Dottore as a character and how it disapproves of many misconceptions of himself. (Like being a sadist for ex.) if you ever want the link I can send it since it was on tt. And the day I’m writing this it’s Childe’s birthday, which ironically enough my mom also shared a birthday with him LMAO. (She’s only aware of this bc of how much I dawn over the chars 😭) and to answer your question from one of the recent brainrots I had made “who are you saving up for” I’m actually saving up for Zhongli cons! He’s at C0 rn but in hoping to at least get C2 or C3, but I also won’t be spending my almost 400 wishes on him since I really want a lot of the Fontaine characters, and I’m still hoping for Dottore to become playable soon 😭 (this is me trying to cope) but I hope you have a wonderful day and week!! But before I end this off, can we agree the Dottore pictured in Nahida’s cute story with Wanderer IS ADORABLE?? Like i sometimes just wanna write about the little creature because it’s so cute. Is he ugly? A little but he’s ugly in the cute way!!! I swear I would just want to hug him to sleep. (Many ideas with fragile reader come to mind now LMAO) but anyways !!! I give you so many chu chus n cuddles n a lot of love!! Make sure you’re staying healthy and drinking water in this scorching heat. I give u so many kisses your heart explodes!!! ><

- from your boo boo bear 🎐 anon!! ૮ ྀི◞͈ ˔ ◟͈ ྀིა

🎐 ANON!!! I MISSED YOU AHHH!!!!

It's more than okay i love talking to you!!! And OMF I'M SO PROUD OF YOU!! I know it was such a grind and probably a bit exhausting at times but I'm so proud of you 😌💖 Giving you lots of kithes and hugs!! Mwahhhh!!

115 DEGREES??? HOLY- I thought it was hot where I live 😭 I'm barely surviving like every other summer but omg I'm so sorry 😭 And you have a dog?? How cute! What type of dog do you have, if i may ask?🥰 Though i have been unproductive all summer unfortunately, the heat makes me not want to do anything haha

AND YESSSS IVE SEEN THE LEAKED OST MY EYES POPPED OPEN AT THE POSSIBLE DOTTORE APPEARANCE 👁 IM SO EXCITED I WANT HIM IN FONTAINE BADLY!! Also i think I've read the same character analysis on tiktok like you, was it called "Sadist or Scientist" and had many many slides? With the character and design analysis? If yes i too read it and it was so good! I love seeing analysis on him especially since there are not much crumbs on him. Oh and happy belated birthday to your mom! I hope you had fun with her!💖

Omg almost 400 wishes??? I havent had that much since the time I've saved for Wanderer 👏 I really hope you get lots of cons for him! I also love Zhongli sm but that man has avoided me on all three banners. First banner i didn't have enough primos and missed him, second banner i lost to Qiqi, third banner i lost to Jean lol. I forgot he is coming so i will try to get him again for the fourth time 🤣 Manifesting hard for you 💖🙏 (Dw I'm also coping on playable Dot😭😭)

AND YESSS OMG I LOVE THE LIL STRANGE DOT CREATURE SO MUCH. I need someone to make a good quality plushie of that creature so i can cuddle it 🥺 HYV was probably intending to make the creature look unsettling, but nah, i wholly think it's adorable. I would hold its little hand. (Always ready to listen to your fragile reader ideas tho 😌🤞)

Hehe I'm giving you lots of more cuddles and kisses!! 🫂 I hope you're staying hydrated as well!! We shall get through this heat together 💪 Smooch smooch !! <33

[one-abuse-survivor]

Hi! Dissociation anon here, with a lil positive update after quite the few months:D How have you been? I hope you are doing well:>

So, I officially spend like 90% of my time 3,5 hours away from my abusers and their dysfunction while I get that education!! Med school is all nine circles of hell, btw, but in the times in which I am not sleep deprived beyond belief after having to prepare for three big tests and write five projects in three days, I am enjoying myself quite a bit! Also formaldehyde stinks like a bitch and cadavers look much grayer than you might think, but that's besides the point.

Honestly the first few months after leaving were HARD, but then again, I am the idiot who decided to unpack their own trauma without a professional therapist and with a tiny support system as soon as I could. Though to be honest, as grueling as the trauma work was, it definitely was worth it, as now, seven months in, I have much less prominent issues and am generally a thousand percent mentally healthier than I used to be. Still dissociate occasionally, though, because I guess some things never change lmao

But I've made quite a few new friends in med school and honestly that helps a lot to deal with any bad days that come with traumatic memories resurfacing, so that's neat!)

Bad thing is - the drama in the dysfunctional family system has gotten a lot worse since I left. Good thing - due to my physical absence I don't need to deal with it:D It's because of the economic crisis the country is in, you know, but I needn't worry!! There is never enough doctors, so even the newbies get snatched as early as possible (I kid you not, I literally had a "You wanna work for us when you finish med school?" Offer when I went to a clinic for a routine check up two weeks ago, and I have five more years of studying left) So, despite the general nation-wide spread of gloom, personally I'm feeling pretty good about the future, and that's definitely a first!

So like, let this be testament to anyone out there struggling to the fact that getting out of an abusive situation is completely possible, and life, in fact, can get better! So like, good luck to all of the other anons and good luck to you, as well!:D

Hi again!!!! It's so nice to hear from you, and I'm so so happy things are going well in med school! I have an irl friend who's also studying medicine in uni, so I have some idea of how nightmarish that can be 😅 I'm really glad you're enjoying yourself in between all of it despite the stress!

I can't even begin to imagine how awful it must be to unpack your trauma without professional support! The first months after I left my mother were also horrible even with help, but luckily everything started changing for the better soon afterwards. I'm so glad you're doing so much better now, and I hope things keep changing for the better for you! It's so so great to hear you've made friends and don't have to deal with your family drama anymore and the future is looking good 😊

I second this message: life can absolutely be better after abuse, even if you can't bring yourself to believe or envision that right now.

Also, thanks for asking! I'm doing well, just now recovering from Covid and trying to get back on my feet, but other than that things are looking better for me too ❤️ sending a big virtual hug!

[castle-dominion]

s7 3xk audio

michael mosley rob bowman andrew marlowe nathan fillion

He has done s3, 5, 6, & 7 episodes, in fact s7 had two.

Go as deep as possible as fast as possible without lingering anywhere.

How far will a person go for someone they love?

Mosler has done it before too! & he brings it up again lol. "Even your charming innocence is creepy"

It's great for caste to throw ppl around & get thrown around.

"unless it's michael molsley, we don't care about him"

Joques Goudreau lol

People come up to him on the street & say he's creepy XD "I've found something I'm good at"

Cars pulling up does not feel like a metaphor for me but ok.

It SHOULD feel like what castle is going through. Willingness to go to the other side this patience & impatience, the darkness, also frustration.

The two month thing

3xk made this VERY personal

How do you expose a character who is not present? 3xk's manipulation.

NF: always exciting to kill off a powerful, popular character.

"he really was mike boudreau" "when the zombie apocalypse comes Tyson will be the first to rise"

the cars have gotten better on set apparently

Do they not call it a toque anywhere else...?

RB: my credit right over castle's butt

RB: what was it like to handle this (fight) scene? MM: There's a bruise

Hm, this moment was not? scripted?

How much mike & how much 3xk?

It's all backwards

Gates & Castle <3 she is resetting him, use your head.

Tracking shot of fillion & everyone following along... wow this IS bowman magic...

Everyone: right HERE!

One shot there going in & finding his girls.

colour correction

They never solve the homicide of who THIS girl is

Getting caught watching

Ah the blood was digitally added in! It is not beckett but he killed someone else half to torture him (the other half just for fun)

The slow quiet is greattttt.

we cannot see anything except from her eyes

relatively irrelevant XD

Build it & recontextualize.

Yay welcome back gen kill reunion ig!

Writing this scene was fun but seeing it come together is better

rob duncan <3

I like how they can all laugh at this Ah less lighting bc we are not seeing as much of the castle we know anymore

Yay Roe & Daryn "we only did what you would have done" "if he's listening" "how likely is it that these guys watch the commentaries?"

Yeah they shoot all the stuff "here" first & "there" all at once, so it WOULD be hard, at least for me

RB: I used to speak three paragraphs to nathan & he'd sum it up with "so faster?"

topanga canyon

the anxiety is not just camera work but also the audio "the director was anxious so the camera was anxious"

the no-dialogue scenes, such a Thing you know?

Villainy really can be overplayed but you can avoid twirling the moustache & petting the cat.

it LOOKS like bubble wrap so I am not shocked

THIS IS ALL TAKE ONE? you did it all one take, two cameras?

This room is so weird tho bc how did they get that light through the bottom of the door?

Watching it a second time "she's not here" he said out loud

WAIT PAUL SCOTT LET HIMSELF GET SHOT WITH A TAZER?

Yeah of COURSE she is not going to literally remove her face lol

I love a good monologue. Honest for this non-sane character w/o cliche

He always thinks he is in control bad guy mea culpa lol reason & thinking

Yeah it was a little bit... too much. Tilting the scene to castle

This is the journey gates sent castle on

"I'm dead I might as well tell him what I think of him" or power to him lol

Ew ew ew all the way in I hate it

No no this draining life force thing was gooood except dang what if he DID manage to shoot castle? I think that it could have been something interesting for sure. like the fic I read with the burning building

Esposito & Ryan!

the music IS GOOD but I don't much like it you don't see who killed whom castle bought her the time to rescue herself, they needed each other

that is not a lot of time, like 6 months working full-time. that is a hell of a long time I take it back

Everyone is group hugging & it is intimate & touching but then apparently huertas kept ruining it.

"oh yeah I shot you then too"

Too bad we didn't have more moke mosley commentary.

Rly fun! "letting me play in your sandbox" oh it was his first audio commentary! Good for him!

[room303-cherrylane]

2023(33) WRAPPED! :]

hi, it's been a while. here's an attempt at writing my 2023 wrapped! it's been a crazy year. i've felt like burying myself six feet underground, as well as soaring like a fireball in the sky. here's what went down:

🍒 physical

weight training wasn't a focus this year. i lifted whenever i wanted to. wasn't super hard on myself on the weeks or even months i went without lifting a dumbbell. i understood that my depressive episodes even made it hard for me to simply wake up. on the days that felt really bad, i'd take myself out on afternoon walks around the village. i was really thankful i enrolled for expressive dance and walking for fitness this year though! :) when i had my f2f classes for expressive dance, i got to walk around upd and move under the late morning sun. when i moved into my dorm in september, i'd also walk a lot! actually i walk SO MUCH now! 2km is easy-peasy. i'd walk whenever i could. i didn't think i could walk 100m per minute, but i do now. i think my ass got bigger? LOL. still feel conscious abt my subtle weight gain and being less toned, but we love the tummy at the end of the day :3

🍒 mental and emotional

like a can of worms if you ask me. jesus christ. i went thru ALLAT this year. went back to therapy again because of the family problem. i'd see my therapist bi-weekly and we went from february to august. i took in my sessions waaay better than i did last year, though. every unearthing i had felt less world-shattering. i think it's because i got to ease myself into this process already, as compared to 2022 when the sessions went by more quickly and unpacking felt entirely new. keeping strong was definitely a challenge. i think i did go through some extremes, i wish i had dealt with those moments with more grace. i learned now. i'm more in tune with myself. dorming also helped me realize that. i remember my triggers and patterns, know what my behaviors and bodily reactions indicated whenever a particular one floats up the surface. i talk to myself more. whenever i also felt something in myself that i didn't like, i'd take the time to ask myself why i feel that way, why it upsets me. i left myself hanging a lot, in a good way. i stopped digging in too much to find answers. i wait for them to appear instead. for now, my best takeaway is: when i hate myself, i go to my friends. when i feel like the world hates me, i nap it off. when i hate everything, i go for a walk. ending the year with more grace. more grace. more warmth. more thought.

🍒 family

straight out of MMK. i kid you not. i dont know how all of THAT really happened. a literal rollercoaster. lots of unraveling, grieving what i thought always was but was actually not or was something different. so many tears. a lot of anger, anxiety, tension. at some point, i had been racking up my mind on how i would be able to move myself out the house as soon as possible. it felt unsalvageable. but 6 months after what went down, i do feel like i was also naive into thinking it could have been that simple. it was difficult. i'd also like to give myself a hug. i don't want to fault myself into making my family enemies. i don't want to forget the realizations i also had. but at present, i'm thankful we have made it through right now on a more pleasant note. a part of me is convinced that dorming, the distance, and the damned cat made some difference. i think i understand my mother and sister a little bit better also. i hope it gets better from here.

🍒 friends

always THE BEST. thank you guys for being here--is what i always think about. my anchor and my rock. my friends really modeled to me what healthy relationships should be. this year, i learned to be more nurturing and soft. all the hardness i had accumulated through my 22 years of living had thawed out. i found my way back to the warmth i innately had in my childhood with the help of my friends. there were also those i eventually distanced myself from because being with them just made it feel so muddy. it's okay, i learned how to check in with myself on that now too. what standards i had for those i want to keep close. i fear closeness less now. i've been less shy to say to my friends how they really mean to me. i made new precious buddies! i'm applying at a music org :] i found super cool people to be with. i love their presence. i always visit my friends at fa. i'd message and check-in with long-distance friends. so vibrant. i'm full with your love and care and thought. each year i'm excited to take all of you with me to the next!

🍒 romantic

still bleak haha. i went back to bumble at some point and thought i found the guy. i think i got ahead of ourselves. ah well, i tried. he was alright, that fellow. quite awkward, but it was a learning experience, to know when to tap out because i was pushing something that wasn't real. in other news, every person i found likeable would have a significant other already. gotdamn???? or just liked men. aha. well. i do think about my friends' approach to this: "so what?" and right... So What? if i adore you anyway, then i adore you. so i'm at that :) i adore someone. a friend right now. i've been shoving it under the rug since september because i thought it was just me hyperfixating and projecting onto a person again, but right now it's all swimmingly well? i like our growing friendship a lot and at the core, i just want to know him more. i think he is a thoughtful and cool person. i do have to stop projecting though really. i want to know the real him so, self, let's stop ourselves, okay? just don't think. and drop everything when he's around. take the real him in. not the specter. take the real him in. the thoughtful cool person who i assume has a soft spot for eating kimchi :)

🍒 passions

my best year in art so far. a lot of "i didn't know i had that in me" moments. i let myself be the most free, and i soared. did 9 art market events and met so many beautiful strangers. i loved meeting people so much. produced my artworks physically. it's still insane to have my works out in the world like that. i re-opened my shop on my birthday. i packed and shipped out so many orders. i printed on tote bags. silver stickers. temporary tattoos led me to my current illustration style. I DIDN'T THINK I'D ACTUALLY GET INTO ILLUSTRATING? THE FUCK? getting to produce my works into merch helped me understand the sustainability, the life of my works. i appreciate their existence more deeply now. whenever i put new stuff out, i want it to linger for as long as it can. it deserves this lifetime. the whole world has yet to know all of you exist. i don't always need to have anything new or even anything grand.

got back into music :(<3 the first love of my life. joining upmc really awoke a dormant passion in me. it's been asleep for a while. god. got to be a part of 2 bands, did band rehearsals each week, did vocal arrangements, rocked out on stage, i sweated under the vibrant stagelights they got into my eyes and i could only wink while still feeling electric. love my talented bandmates they're all so cool. love you natra and paramarami! currently writing an original song with a bandmate. my singing got 10x better idk it's like it just went full on steroids it's crazy, i never thought i'd sound this good in this lifetime. i love performing. no more stage fright. i was just aflame. more gigs next year! OK!

🍒 general

kickass year. 10/10 actually. i lived all the lives i've always wanted to. holy shit. thank you. thank you. thank you.

i'll update w any additional details in 2024 if something comes up :) haha. so clutch, i'm writing this on dec 31 at 4:12am. i really wanted to get this done. AAAA!

[raayllum]

I've seen this take a few times across multiple platforms and... while I do think there are differences, of course, between their S3 and S5 dynamics, I don't know if I entirely agree that these are the differences (or that S3 is less mature, at least per that comparison) because they do look out for each other in S3

and they defend one another!

Season three is cute and their speeches are swoon worthy, but with the exception of Because She's Rayla, none of the speeches are taking place during particularly happy moments. One is Rayla vouching for Callum's life in a literal trolley problem; the other is Callum walking Rayla out of a self-hate spiral after losing literally every other person she loves/cares about, including her home.

And they're no less cute and sappy in S5 - he recites love poetry to her, they both gush about the inn (and Callum's gentle teasing), she lovingly touches his face and hugs him, they're exchanging soft looks like every other episode.

In season three, it was about establishing why their friendship bond would make and continue on into a romantic bond, one layer stacked upon another. It was "even if we don't together" (which is what the 3x04-3x05 kiss mixup is for "you're still my best friend and I love you" but of course tinged with hopes it would work out, joy when it does, and an ultimately happy ending. Even the fallout of the secret of Harrow's death and their fight at the Pinnacle are things they're able to push forward through.

That's important to keep in mind, because Rayla leaving Callum to keep him safe and leaving him unable to protect her is something that he was angrier at her for (after knowing her for much longer than he did in S2) than keeping the secret of his father's literal death when he had known her for a week and a half. Because Rayla leaving, and her self sacrificial tendencies and how incongruent that is with a meaningful longterm relationship, is quite literally the worst possible thing either could've done to one another. If they were gonna have a point of no return, it was that - it was going to be precisely that, of Callum being heartbroken and fed up and Rayla being either too unrepentant or learning her lesson too late / not weathering his storm of emotions.

S5 is proving that they can come back from it, and that the lines of what they are have been blurred that they're not "friends and lovers" but "friends and lovers but also not lovers but always friends and family". It's proof that after a massive shift and time apart, they are still each other's Person, and they always will be - because the foundation they built in season three is strong enough it can withstand that kind of upheaval and loss, and only be strengthened accordingly.

I think what makes s5 rayllum so special is the fact that yes, they're in love, but we saw that much in s3-- the difference is, s3 was them saying "I think you're amazing, I love you" and being all cute and sappy while s5 is them saying "I trust you, I will always care about you, and I will protect you with my life." Having someone express that they love and appreciate you is great but having someone be willing to always look out for you and defend you at any cost is so much more impactful.

[abyssal-ali]

Poem 0.01

Tw: mentions of different types of abuse, depression. Generally depressing/sad.

Note: none of this is dissing physical abuse, just showing my perspective on emotional/mental abuse.

Bold print is what the person wants to say.

OG work, I'm still thinking about how to revise it so the rhythm flows better but it's okay for now.

Physical abuse is the most obvious to spot.

A flinch here, a shrinking form there.

But what about mental and emotional abuse?

It's internal, unseeable, hard to diagnose and harder to treat.

The victims are conditioned to make themselves smaller, not unlike victims of physical abuse.

However, unlike physical abuse, victims are less likely to noticeably shrink physically, instead shrinking their mental and emotional needs.

If they skip their meals, or are always up late and early, people will be likely to notice and ask if everything's okay.

People only notice their emotional needs when they're voiced.

"My grandpa died, can I have a hug?"

"Oh, I'm so sorry. Of course you can have a hug!"

Their way of speaking is by shouting silence at you, desperate for you to notice on your own, to prove you care about them by paying attention, noticing their absence.

"I'm feeling more depressed lately. I'm talking less or saying superficial stuff so you don't worry about me. I'll be fine by myself, don't worry."

If they actually said what they were thinking or feeling, whether they knew it or not, you would be willing to help and empathetic to their lonely feelings.

But they don't, not wanting to make you feel guilty for not noticing.

After all, you're busy with your life and your own problems, they'll be fine dealing with it on their own.

They've done it countless times before.

They appear as helpful, cheerful individuals, the "therapy friend", the one who checks in on others and takes care of their needs.

They're quick to say yes, comfort their acquaintances, and take the initiative to ask people how they're feeling and offer advice or hugs.

The person may not even know that they need to talk or hug until they're asked, and wonder how their friend picked up on it.

Maybe it's because the friend has years of experience in picking up on the slightest changes in their partners’ emotions and doing everything they can to alleviate their mood.

Maybe it's because it's all they've known so they don't know how to address their own emotions.

They're asked how they are.

"Oh, I'm good!"

But that sounds too cliche.

People like to be told the truth.

"I've been going through some stuff lately, but it's getting better! I've been seeing my friends recently."

"Oh, that's nice!"

And the conversation is over.

Physically abused people try not to take up literal space in your life, hiding and making the smallest footprint possible.

Emotionally abused people try not to take up emotional space in your life, enriching yours by helping you with your problems.

They're always present, the friend you call first because they always have great advice and a listening ear.

You love them and are so grateful for their wisdom and support.

They're always there for you.

But then you wonder, why do they never ask you for help in return?

Why do they never rant about their day to you?

Yes, maybe they're naturally a kind and forgiving person, but even those people have limits.

They told you about that horrible day they had last week.

What did they say?

"Oh, everything went wrong today. I was so annoyed.

Speaking of annoying, how's the situation with "x" going?

Did my advice help?

Oh, good, you deserve peace."

Do they always change the subject?

Do they always gloss over the bad things and focus on others?

It's not a bad thing to be helpful or considerate of other people's feelings–in fact, more people should do that.

But do these people ever get the chance to unload?

Do they have a willing emotional support friend who lets them rant on bad days and gives hugs ‘just because’?

You feel bad for people who publicly ask for help.

The ones who admit something is wrong, who cry in front of others and ask for hugs or kind words.

But they address the issue.

They actually say that something is wrong and they want something to be done about it.

They stand in front of everyone and scream.

"Something is wrong! I want to be supported! I want to be seen!"

People listen to them.

What about the ones who never scream, are always composed?

If you could hear their thoughts, all you would hear is desperate cries for help.

To be seen, really seen.

To be noticed.

After all, the ones who are the quietest are screaming the loudest.

It's a natural state of people to be exuberant, boisterous, open and unguarded with those they're close to.

"They're just naturally quiet. An introvert, you know? They always make us laugh, though."

Are they laughing?

Or is it a mask, distorting the screams and turning them into an acceptable outlet?

What about the ones who you admire for being so brave, even though they're going through a difficult situation?

The ones who always have a kind word, no matter what they're going through themselves?

They mention an incident from years ago and you're surprised.

How did you not know about it?

"I didn't want to worry you, you were going through that thing back then, too. I was fine."

They look at you, surprised, and your heart gives a little wrench.

How many times have they done this and you never knew, never noticed?

You ask them about it.

"I'm fine! It's in the past, and you were carrying enough around."

Their eyes are innocently wide, confused as to why you're asking this now.

You may decide not to press it, to leave them alone.

You may decide to dig to the bottom of this and see past the mask.

If you do, you reiterate your concern and speak gently, reassuring them that you want to be there for them in the same way they are present for you, and they burst into tears.

You're slightly shocked, having never seen them cry before, but you pat their back and let them cry until your shirt is soaked and their face is red.

They apologize for the mess and wipe their eyes, composing themself and erecting the mask, startling you with how even they appear.

You're too shocked at the 180° switch in moods to reassure them you don't mind.

If it weren't for the red eyes, you'd never know they'd broken down on your shoulder a minute ago.

You wonder how often they do this, breaking down and immediately putting the "fine" mask on, never taking the time to enjoy the post-cry relaxing and free, aired-out feelings.

They leave, embarrassed at dumping all that on you, and your heart breaks a little more as you begin to reinvestigate every encounter and conversation you've had.

[wonipeun]

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༉‧₊˚ cuddling with enhypen's hyung line !

pairing: bfl!enhypen x gn!reader | genre: fluff (as usual,,,) warnings: none i think !

a/n: i'm back once again with this short headcanon i've been thinking of writing these past days! i will soon upload the maknae line! as always, tysm for all the support, hope you like this one!! 🫂

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이희승 · lee heeseung ‧₊˚

very cozy! hee always hugs you around the waist while you lean on his chest, listening to his heartbeat (and smiling unconsciously when hearing how it accelerates when you call his name). his hand unconsciously strokes your hair as he responds with little "mhm"'s when you talk to him about how your day went. he's trying his best to pay attention, he really is, but your voice is so so soothing and he's so happy to have you cuddled up to him that he feels there's no better way to fall asleep than that! ૮꒰˵っ ̫- ˵꒱ა

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박종성 · park jongseong ೀ

jay, due to his busy schedule, takes very seriously the days he can spend time alone with you. although it is true that he usually prefers to prepare some cute dates, there are times when you two simply prefer to put on a movie and cuddle together, enjoying each other's company. his gaze is fixed on the screen but his hands unconsciously seeks yours, caressing it softly. he does his best to stay awake until the movie is over, but your boyfriend is sleepy and wants to fall asleep hugging you more than nothing else… please, when you see his eyes starting to close, tell him that you are tired and that you want to go to sleep! you will make him feel less guilty and see that beautiful smile he gets when he looks at you. ૮꒰ྀི >⸝⸝⸝< ꒱ྀིა

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심재윤 · sim jaeyun ˖ ࣪ ⭑

jake could literally spend all day cuddling with you if it was possible. it's rare times when you're together and he's not literally glued to you. i feel like jake would be the type of boyfriend who needs attention constantly, so you can expect to hear his "i want to cuddle" quite a few more times than you might imagine (although it's worth seeing his smile when you nod). as i said, he is very clingy, so he will look for the position to be as close as possible! usually his hand caresses your head, making you hide it in his neck (ofc, this has nothing to do with how much he likes you kissing his neck…. ahem). ଘ(੭˃ᴗ˂)੭

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박성훈 · park sunghoon ⊹ ࣪

would rather die than ask you for hugs directly, so he usually looks for ways that you have to be the one to cuddle him, such as laying on your side of the bed (knowing that you refuse to sleep anywhere else) because it's "too cold" on his side. is a bit shy when it comes to hugging you, but he usually gets over it when your arms are around him and he feels much more comfortable, reciprocating your embrace instantly. cuddling sessions with sunghoon are usually quiet, although there are a few times when he needs to urgently explain something that has happened to him that day and he can spend hours and hours talking without noticing. they are very few, but seeing him talk so happily makes your heart race each and every time! (˳ ｡>﹏<｡)

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taglist! (open): @love-4-keum @zeesondiary @tyunni @lovr4lix

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