#like there are people out there who genuinely have problems and i'm basically a fully functioning adult human | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

mrsnancywheeler · 11 months ago

Text

the lakes (8) // finnick odair x f. reader

summary: it's supposed to be over, you and Finnick are supposed to spend the rest of your lives helping each other heal. living as peacefully as possible, but the the third quarter quell throws a wrench in your domestic bliss.

previous part / next part

prequel

4.6k words

warnings: angst, fluff, hurt/comfort, manipulation of someone's feelings, drinking away problems, mental illness, mentions of suicidal ideations, savior complex Finnick and reader, codependent relationship, allusions to trafficking and forced sexualization of body, mentions of death/violence happening to children, unedited, no use of y/n, arguments, self-hate, self-doubt, a love triangle that really isn't a love triangle

𓈒⠀𓂃⠀⠀˖⠀𓇬⠀˖⠀⠀𓂃⠀𓈒

“Oh, you look so beautiful." Cambrie was crying, actually crying. Standing behind you in the mirror, staring the the gorgeous dress she'd designed. You wanted to cry too because even if she'd always treated you more like a doll than a living, breathing person it did hurt to know you'd never see her familiar presence again.

“You did an amazing job, Cambrie, it reminds me of home." Truthfully the dresses shimmery deep blue did make you think of the waters of home and the seaweed and pearl based jewelry was a nice touch. Of course it was a too low cut for your liking and regardless of the colors would be completely translucent if the light hit it right, it was stunning.

“You really think so?" Her eyes were full of tears and you nodded your head turning to hug her.

“Yes, thank you." It pained you too think about how even if she never treated you fully human she would still be deeply hurt by your death. Her favorite muse.

“I don't know who I'm going to model my designs off of anymore, unless you come back or course, but you make it so easy." Of course she had ulterior motives, but it was somewhat amusing to hear her problems when yours were so much more lethal. She pulled away from you, “I wanted to go more bridal, but President Snow wanted Katniss wearing her wedding dress, so we're going to go for the more subtle route.”

It wasn't subtle in the slightest, a similarly shimmering, translucent veil was in your hair although not covering your face and adorned with sea thrift. Your arms had bouquet-like bracelets of yarrow, lavender, and sea oats from your shoulders down to your wrists. Then there were the sandals covered in pearls and seashells, if it hadn't been purposefully forced to be more sensual you would have genuinely loved it. More of a “natural" makeup look had been preferred to create the essence of more of a sweet mermaid than a sultry, seductive siren.

Suddenly you could feel the tears threatening to pour over, “I wish you would have been able to just design my wedding dress with normal circumstances. Thank you for this.”

"Oh you're such a sweetheart, I can't fathom how they could do this again to such a sweet girl. Everyone loves you, there's so much outrage. You'll certainly have lots of sponsors.” She cupped your face, shaking her head sadly. "We'd best be on our way.” She sighed, leading you out of the room for the last time.

There all the tributes stood waiting in their line, Katniss was already waiting in her wedding gown. She caught you staring at the dress, "Snow made me wear it.”

"Make him pay for it.” Johanna remarked ok the side, in another one of the tree related get ups her designer has such an attachment too. She looked you up and down,"Even in death they just can't leave you alone?” It was true, you were basically naked if people were staring at the way the colors caught the light.

“Just making sure to squeeze out every last drop before I go." One last glance at the body they'd controlled before you took it back forever. Johanna scoffed.

“Make him pay for that too." You took your place in the line next to Finnick, whose shirt was heavily unbuttoned.

“Is this our own wedding get-up?" He asked, arm sliding around your waist. You hummed a yes as you pecked at his lips.

“Do you like it?" You asked, hand playing with his sleeve.

“You look stunning. Do you like it, would it be your top contender when I finally get you that real dress?" He asked, a loving grin adorning his face.

“Maybe, if it wasn't so see-through. Reminds me of home though.” Finnick nodded in agreement.

“Look like you came straight from the moonlit waters, angel." You rested into his warm arms which were a godsend when the fabric did even less to protect you from the chill in the air. Cashmere and Gloss both proclaimed how difficult it would be to let go of their friends from the Capitol. How they were all like brothers and sisters to them, trying to further manipulate the audience's feelings into somehow getting them to prevent the games. Snow would never let that happen, but taking a shot at it couldn't hurt. Enobaria and Brutus both acted like it was a normal game, with just as much intensity as they had the first round. Wiress was rambling on and on, sometimes coherently, but the audience simply laughed like it were some huge joke about how unstable she was. Beetee’s rationalization took hold, talking about all he had done, all he'd offered to the Capitol, and questioned how legal this type of Quarter Quell was, couldn't it just be unwritten since it would have such a negative effect? Finnick rubbed circles on your arm as you nervously tapped your foot. “You've got this, my love." He reassured you as you were lead to wait off stage.

“Our very own Capitol Princess!” Caesar Flickerman’s voice blared and you put on your most charming smile to enter as he said your name. Waving at the audience, blowing kisses. The cheering soon calmed down and he turned to look at you, “Now, I think we're all a little bit upset with you and your husband. Aren't we?" The audience gave out enthusiastics agreements.

“I'm sorry!" You giggled, breathily. “We didn't want to take away attention from the star-crossed lovers."

“Oh we have enough love for the both of you!" The audience cheered in agreement.

You looked out at the crowd, “And we love you! It breaks my heart to know we won't get to share our journey with you." The tears that wanted to spill about other things you willed to appear now.

“So a secret marriage? How did that come about?" Caesar asked after the ooh’s and aww’s had quieted.

“We just knew that if we were going to die in the arena, we needed to be one with each other, and the waters." The first tears began to roll, “Now that we know we can't ever again have those moments. Especially to share them all with you." You could vaguely see tears on obscured faces and you knew it was working. "We'd been quietly planning how we'd get engaged in front of all of you, but when the Quarter Quell announcement came it just couldn't wait. So now we can't do the dress, and the wedding, and the house decorating, and the kids with all of you.” Wiping away the tears falling down.

"We'll certainly mourn that just as much, won't we?” The crowd boomed with agreement and cries. "One more thing, last time you were here you were also going into the arena with a romance, now it's happening all over again, does that add to the emotions we’re feeling tonight? The idea that if you win you'll have lost another love?”

Your tears glistened under the lights as you nodded, "All I have to say about that Caesar is that I have no intentions of leaving that arena if I can't be with him. We are one and I couldn't bear to live my life without knowing I'd see him everyday. This hurts so bad because I know it'll be my last time seeing all of your kind faces.” By now the audience was sobbing and suddenly the tears began feeling real, creeping up on you.

Caesar nodded solemnly, “And we'll be sorry to see you go. Ever romantic, our Capitol Princess!" Tears were blinding you and it was difficult to find your way to the pedestals where the other tributes were standing. Suddenly your face was being held and honey tasting lips were on yours, Finnick. You could hear the audience cooing and crying, he wiped the tears once he pulled away and led you to where you needed to stand.

"Sorry, Ceaser I couldn't help myself." His warm voice filled the room, his gorgeous smile being zoomed in on by the cameras.

“Oh no worries! Making ever the entrance, Capitol darling Finnick Odair!" The audience let out a resounding cheer for him. “Finnick, can I be honest?"

“Of course, Caesar." That gorgeous, sunshine smile rested on his face and it was no wonder it left the Capitol citizens swooning for more.

“I don't know what we're going to do if you don't come back. Right?” The audience loudly agreed and Finnick chuckled. "I mean you've been such a favorite, both of you have, and the world will not be the same without it.” How ironic, if it would be so painful then they really should make more of an effort to put a stop to it, but they wouldn't.

"I'm very sorry about that Ceaser, but my hands are tied. If we could, we would spend every moment with all of you, we're so grateful for your love.” A bold-faced lie, every party to keep up appearances, each call from the Capitol was far more draining then just spending a peaceful day together which could be endless.

“We wish you could too. Being married in the arena, how's that going to work? I mean we've heard from her that there's no grand plan for her to come back, but I assume as the husband you might have something to say about that?" This elicited a laugh from the audience and Finnick nodded.

“Well certainly, Caesar, what kind of husband would I be if I let her have her way in that? I will say, my love, you have my heart for all eternity, and if I die in that arena, my last thought will be of your lips.” You were sick, honestly nauseated with grief. This was so unfair, you'd tried not to think about it, but in just over 12 hours you'd be forced back into the arena and risk losing each other.

"We wish you the best luck with that." People were weeping in the audience and Finnick's face had become so sober that it was jarring how naturally it fell back into an easy smile. “That's Finnick Odair, Capitol darling." Soon he was right beside you on the podium, kissing you again for the audience to be giddy with joy, but also hearts ruptured for the lovers torn apart for only the first time of the night. You could taste your salty tears mixing with the honeycomb of his lips before he pulled away, giving another grin to the audience.

His hand stayed intertwined with yours, but something wasn't quite right about his demeanor. Even if physically he kept up the same presence as always you could feel the shift in his aura, in his touch. He was upset, but not in the way you were. You couldn't stop yourself from continually glancing over at him, silently trying to get his attention so you could see what was wrong. Squeezing his hand with yours to try and get a response when he finally did meet your eyes it hit you that the look was disappointment, dread and when you shot a quizzical look back he looked like he was going to cry as he put his focus back on the stage.

You were stuck in your own head no, had it been something you said? Did? It was all for the performance which he had to know. Your foot was tapping and you were zoning out of the interviews until all the sudden the audience was shrieking. Katniss’ wedding dress disappeared in clouds of black smoke and when they disappeared the dress had transformed. Upon lifting her arms you could see what it was, a mockingjay. A public symbol of the rebellion, Caesar was trying to cover, but the cameras already would have caught it.

One more interview before the night would be over and you'd wait to be shipped back off to the arena where certain death awaited you. Charming Peeta insisted that he and Katniss too had a secret wedding to have the traditions of District 12. The audience ate each crumb he gave right out of his hands when suddenly he made the world stop, “If it weren't for the baby." Shock, outrage filled the room. All of these people who'd been fine watching children fight to the death and suffer after they won for personal entertainment couldn't stand the fact that Katniss could be pregnant. The irony of it all, how smart Peeta had been on his feet made it hard for you to suppress the smile. As Caesar desperately tried to do damage control once again you noticed how everyone of the tribute's hands began linking, placing your free hand in Beetee’s who bobbed his head before holding Wiress’. Hands joined, you lifted them above your head increasing the audience's screams and Caesar was yelling for lights to be turned off, all this did was illuminate your figures in the low lights.

Then you were being filed off of the pedestals and to the hallway. You instantly met eyes with Haymitch, holding some glass filled with some type of drink. You didn't say a word to him before taking it from his hand to take a drink.

“Dealing with pre-game jitters with alcohol really seems like a great idea." He said sardonically, scoffing. He didn't try and grab the drink back though even when you scowled at him. Right when you'd taken another drink of the bubbly liquid it was Finnick who took the drink from your hand, handing it back to Haymitch. "What? Trouble in paradise?” He took a drink too.

“Just need you to be rational instead of hungover in the morning.” Finnick muttered, he was angry at something, that much was obvious.

Haymitch took something off of his wrist and handed it to Finnick, “Show her this and she'll realize I gave it to you, since she won't ally with you of her own accord." It was a gold bangle and Finnick nodded as he slid it on his wrist. They were whispering something to each other and you pulled away to an Avox holding a tray of more bubbly drinks nearby. Grabbing one you nodded a thank you, swallowing it down as fast as you could before Finnick had grabbed it again, looking at you sternly.

“I'm not going to be hungover.” You rolled your eyes and he handed the second, nearly empty glass to Haymitch as well.

"Well you don't exactly make great decisions for yourself.” You rolled your eyes at him as he ran his fingers through his curls.

"What's your problem? I made them sympathetic, I did what I was supposed to!” You couldn't fathom why that would upset him, it was a performance and he did the same thing.

"You have a death wish, that's the problem, I'm not letting you die for me!” You stared into his gorgeous sea-green eyes and scoffed before turning around to walk straight back to your floor.

"Thank you, Haymitch.” You heard Finnick say before he was following you to the elevator.

"You're really gonna argue with me about what I said in the interview right before we head back into the arena?" You pressed the cold buttons before crossing your arms, refusing to look at him.

“When this started I begged you to talk to me, to stop punishing yourself for whatever you did six years ago to survive, but you still are. You didn't say anything until right before we headed back into the arena, informing the world all about how you plan to die in there.” The elevator opened and he stepped in as you followed.

“I don't plan too, I just expect it. I'm not going to keep going if you die."

“Yes, you are, Annie needs you, Mags needs you." He pointed to the bangle quickly to put off anyone who could be listening in, “Needs you. This insistence that you're going to die is ridiculous, angel, I'm not going to let you.”

𓈒⠀𓂃⠀⠀˖⠀𓇬⠀˖⠀⠀𓂃⠀𓈒

You stood backstage with Conway, having to consciously force your leg to stay still, to not keep tapping as you waited to do on stage. The air was chilly which wasn't helped by the thin material of your dress, it's low-cut, or the huge slit in it's side at least Conway got to be in a suit. Your eyes were glued to the screen where the male tribute from District 3 had just begun his interview.

“Now, how old are you?" Caesar asked, the boy was small, he couldn't be that old, it looked like the seat was going to swallow him whole.

“Thirteen." His voice was shaky and your ears started ringing. How were you supposed to do this, that was a child, a tiny kid whose family was sitting back home watching their baby boy be shipped off to certain death. You could feel the tears approaching and your breathing getting more shallow. Cold hands were suddenly on yours.

“Are you okay?" Conway asked, as you began to hyperventilate.

“I can't do this." You whispered out as the first tears began falling, “That's a little boy, I can't-"

“I get it." Conway reassured, his big, brown eyes trying to comfort you. “You've got this though, you can't do anything about him being here, but you can make a good impression with the audience. We have to focus on that no matter how screwed up you feel like it is. Go up there and do what you have to do.” What you have to do, charm them, be sweet, and pretty, but a little mysterious. Finnick had all types of angles for you. You gave a final look back at Conway who tried to give a reassuring smile, but you could tell he was bothered too. Caesar's booming voice called your name and you stepped out into the bright lights of the stage. Beaming for the audience, waving, giggling at their cheers.

“I have to say, everyone was blown away with how charming you seemed at the tribute parade, but then that training score came out. How did you do that?" Caesar asked as the two of you sat down, the audience murmuring in agreement.

“Well, Caesar, a lady has to have some secrets for herself." You made your laugh airy and winked at the laughing audience. “I have to save some things for the show, don't I?"

Caesar nodded, laughing along. "Of course! You know when I saw your face at the reaping I couldn't help but feel like I recognized you from somewhere, did anyone else feel that way?” The audience cheered out agreements and your stomach knotted. What was he talking about? You certainly didn't know how they knew you. "I mean this was literally keeping me up at night.”

You leaned forward, the dress putting a little too much on display, but you persisted. "Well do tell.”

"Months ago we were doing a catch up piece of Finnick Odair and you were in some of it, very briefly, but you were.” The audience was wild, they adored Finnick and loved any type of connection. Your stomach clenched, how were you supposed to seem in love with Conway when this was being chosen for you.

You blushed, “Oh yes, Caesar! I didn't imagine anyone would remember that!"

"Well we did and we love it!” He proclaimed and the audience agreed. "So tell me, just between us-” The audience laughed and you did too. "Are you and a certain victor pining for your return to tell us all some very exciting news?” You shook your head slowly, trying not to look as embarrassed as you felt. “No? I don't believe that, look at you, charming and obviously extremely talented. There was definitely something going on when that program came out, not anymore?" Time was running out and this was not going the way you planned.

So new plan, “No, Ceasar.” Your voice was light and sounded shaky on purpose. You shook your head.

"Oh, so this is a tale of heartbreak?” He asked and the audience cooed. "Well if you win, he'll have to take you back won't he? I'm sure we won't let up until he does!” He laughed and the crowd seemed to agree with him.

“I'm afraid it's much more complicated than that." You smoothed out your dress even if it needed no smoothing.

"Oh! Is there another man as well, we live for the drama!” You nodded slowly.

"Yes and I'm afraid winning won't help me in either case.” You were alluding and there was only a few seconds left. Caesar stood up.

"Well now you have to win this thing, so we can all know about this tale of romance. It's going to be keeping me on the edge of my seat!"

“And I'd love to share it with all of you." You let a few tears fall as you blew a kiss out to the audience who adored it. The two of you bowed as you walked off the stage. Heart pounding rapidly as you were escorted out to the hall where Finnick, Ondine, and your designer Cambrie stood.

“Oh you looked divine!" Cambrie announced, hands on your shoulders. “All of my friends are going to want to sponsor you, I'm certain you'll be the talk of Panem, leaving us on a cliffhanger like that!" She was basically shrieking in joy when she got distracted by some hors d'oeuvres an Avox was holding.

You buried your head in your hands as Finnick approached, “I didn't know they were going to side swipe you like that. It could be good for your image though." You were now hyper aware of the eyes on the both of you even if technically he was your mentor just giving you advice.

“Could be bad for that, unless he picked up what I was putting down." You pointed at the screen where Conway sat with Caesar.

“So Conway, I'm sure all of us were very impressed by your training score, a big, strong man like you, what's your strategy?" Caesar asked and the audience made comments under their breath, acting as if they were also part of the conversation.

“Let's just say I know what I'm up against and am confident in the people I've decided to trust." Looking at him made you see flashes of your childhood, of him crabbing with your family as kids, hair billowing in the wind as he made sure you didn't slip on the water covering the boat’s deck.

Caesar nodded, “Well alright, making us wait for tomorrow as well?"

Conway smiled that kind, loving smile he gave everyone, “I guess you could say that.”

"Now everyone is dying to know if you have a special girl back home, I mean you’re a good looking guy and even girls in the Capitol are swooning.”

"Well, it's a lot more complicated than that, Caesar.” Conway and his boyish charm was sure to bring in more sponsors as well. Caesar took a second, looking at Conway and the audience with as much drama as he could, like he was slowly connecting the dots.

“You're not saying what I think you're saying are you?" He asked and the crowd screamed in agreement, eating it up.

Conway adjusted his shirt collar, “Regretfully, I might be."

“Well isn't this straight out of a fairytale." A dark, corrupted one if that. “That sure complicates things doesn't it?"

Conway nodded, “Yes."

“You're certainly going to be keeping all of us on our toes, a love triangle. Well I certainly wish you the best of luck in your endeavors." Caesar laughed. What luck? Only one ‘choice’ would be alive if you won.

“Thank you, Caesar. All I can say is even if it's doomed, hopefully she doesn't pick the one who already broke her heart.” Even if it wasn't meant that way to you it felt threatening, hopefully you didn't or he'd be forced to kill you? You honestly had no idea what the best outcome was, maybe him asking you to take care of his family before sacrificing himself? But now you were overtly aware that you not only had him observing you, but all of Panem desperately wanting to know where you would land.

𓈒⠀𓂃⠀⠀˖⠀𓇬⠀˖⠀⠀𓂃⠀𓈒

You were laying on the bed, hands covering your face as Finnick went on and on about how self-destructive you were. Maybe he was right, but you didn't see why it mattered. It's not like you were going to do anything intentional, you'd just do what you could to get Katniss out of the arena alive and be with Finnick.

“How are we supposed to do this if you don't believe you can survive?” He was pacing the room,"The moment that gong rings you need to come find me, I need my eyes on you.”

"I will, Finnick! But you need to focus on other things too.” You defended, sighing.

"How am I supposed to do that when the person I love the most is a danger to herself?” He stopped moving for a moment to stare at you, even with your face hidden in your hands you could feel his eyes burning into you.

You finally moved your hands,"I'm not! I just want to go to sleep, Finnick, can't we just rest?"

“We can sleep when I can rest well knowing you're not going to make impulsive decisions or give up if I get hurt. Don't be dependent on my life, angel, you deserve to live." You stood up only to walk to the open bathroom door and begin removing your makeup.

“I don't know what you want me to say, Finnick." He followed you and stood behind you watching you in the mirror. You were passive to his pleas, you couldn't understand why it mattered so much to him. If he died it's not like he would know if you did too and if he lived there were plenty of other women who would be glad to comfort him, plus the revolution would keep him distracted.

There was a pause as you continued with your routine before he removed the bottle from your hands and turned you to face him, he'd always been much stronger than you and there was no use trying to release yourself.

“That your life matters to you just as much as it does to me and I want you to believe it when you say it."

You sighed, “Finnick I will do whatever you tell me to do, I'll stay right by your side if you want me too. All I want is to be with you, that's all that matters to me."

He closed his eyes, exhaling shakily, “I can't believe I let us get so codependent." You watched a tear make its way down his cheek and felt you swarmed with guilt. “I can't make this better overnight no matter how badly I want to, but I do want you by me every second in that arena. Don't you dare go sacrificing yourself for someone, anyone. Angel, I can't live without you either.” His warm arms brought you to him, caught in his embrace as the guilt overwhelmed the numbness. "We're both getting out of there alive, no matter what it takes.” He whispered and although your brain told you not to believe him, to accept your fate you would trust him to the grave so you nodded your head into his shoulder.

𓈒⠀𓂃⠀⠀˖⠀𓇬⠀˖⠀⠀𓂃⠀𓈒

thank you so much for reading and all the support I've been receiving, I love you all so much and am glad you're enjoying my little thoughts. next chapter we can finally get into the games of it all, not gonna like this chapter was a lot of fun to write but took forever because I was having too many thoughts. if you enjoyed it feedback, likes, reblogs, and comments are all super appreciated. my inbox is always open! I love you all, thank you again! 💋

taglist: @imaegonstargaryenswife0 @avoxrising @artsyaquarium @jennaaaaaaaaaaaa @secretsicanthideanymore @darlingsoulbeautfulthoughts @thatonegayloser616 @kybermp3 @meri-soni-meri-tamanna @ravensinthedaylight @innercreationflower @uhnanix @aesthetic0cherryblossom @yourdailymemedelivery @ang3lflor @maxinehufflepuffprincess @prettybiching @miserablebl00d

#finnick odair #finnick odair x reader #finnick odair x y/n #finnick odair angst #finnick odair fluff #finnick odair x reader angst #thg #finnick odair x reader fluff #finnick odair x you #finnick x reader #finnick imagine #finnick x you

350 notes · View notes

accirax · 2 months ago

Note

hey! i was wondering about eden’s emotional cg scenes with teruko at the end of ep14; if eden does happen to be the culprit, how would it affect her characterisation? personally, i can’t help but see it in a negative light, one which dampens her impact on arei, teruko and others with her ‘rational optimism’ and general kindness. if eden believed arei wanted to be friends with her, and was willing to reciprocate it, would eden really kill her in cold blood?? if her tears at the end of ep14 were genuine, would it go against her ultimately being the blackened?

tl:dr: how would you justify eden’s last moments at the end of ep14, if she were the culprit? it felt truly genuine to me, but i can’t help but notice her suspicious behaviour and inconsistencies in regards to the ch2 murder :(

(sorry, i’ve never done an ask before!! apologies if this is worded poorly.)

Can Eden Still Be the Culprit (Again)?

Haha, it figures that, even if I didn't choose to cover it in my Episode 14 Dissection, I'd still wind up analyzing what was going on in that scene anyways. Glad you're curious to hear my thoughts! (And don't worry, you phrased everything perfectly!)

The truth is, I didn't initially go over it because I wanted to post my thoughts on the day after the episode aired I, too, am somewhat confused as to how Eden could say all of that and still potentially be the blackened. However, as someone who still believes that Eden could be the blackened, it's probably a good idea if I figure out for myself what the hell this scene means in the context of DRDT at large if votes for Eden are close at hand. And potentially preempt some of the backlash that might arise if they are.

Just know that I, too, think that some of my points might be a bit of a stretch sometimes. We cool? Cool. Let's get analyzing.

SPOILERS for DRDT through Chapter 12 Episode 14, as well as Chapter 2 of THH and Chapter 1 of SDR2, and a WARNING that we will (obviously) be discussing Eden!culprit throughout this post.

For Eden's words and actions to make sense under the preconception that she is the killer, I think there are only three major roads you can take.

NUMBER ONE: EDEN IS A LYING, MANIPULATIVE, SCUMBAGGY PIECE OF SHIT

This option... is not great. Everybody agrees that it is not great. I hesitate to use the word "bad," because I think that people are way too hasty to call things "bad writing" (especially before they've even happened), but... I'm not gonna lie, it's pretty bad.

Basically, what it says on the tin. Just like David, Eden has actually been a liar and a manipulator the whole time. She doesn't actually believe anything she said about optimism or the power of friendship, and was 100% using that attitude the whole time to get everybody's guards down. A character like that would have no problem saying whatever the hell she needed to say in order to get others to pity and therefore not vote for her.

I don't like this one because it fully invalidates everything that we've seen from Eden so far. For someone like David-- or, say, Nagito-- even in the midst of their big heel turn, there are parts of their previous characterization that are still salvageable. Teruko caught David being a hater on literally Day 1, and it was easy to read into his outbursts of anger and insane nosiness to expect that his personality wasn't really as bright as his stars. Similarly, even if Hajime got along with Nagito, he was still sort of a creepy and off-putting guy, and everything about his love of hope stayed as strong as ever. For Eden to suddenly turn to the dark side would truly come out of nowhere. Other than... I don't know, liking to bake?, I don't think there are any aspects of Eden's former characterization that would remain. Not that her character would remain in the story for much longer, but, whatever.

I'm going to discount this option because I have faith in DRDTdev's writing, and I don't think he would suddenly want to abandon the Eden character he's been strongly developing over the past two chapters. Again, I refuse to call anything bad writing until the Chapter at least, if not the story as a whole, is wrapped up, but there's a reason why everyone's first instinct is to hate this idea.

NUMBER TWO: EDEN IS THE BLACKENED BUT DOESN'T KNOW IT

Basically, Eden is able to be so genuine because she either forgot or didn't know that she was the one to kill Arei, but we'll still be able to convict her in the end because all of the evidence points to her. How would this work? Well, sorastar6 came up with a theory that Eden might have killed Arei but blocked it out of her memory. It could also be something where, like, someone else put her up to it and she accidentally let go of the rope or whatever to kill Arei without realizing it. (That idea is loosely based off of a-student-out-of-time's theory of David manipulating Hu to kill J-dressed-as-Arei-- hopefully if they read this, they won't mind me using their theory as a logistical basis off of which to accuse Eden 😅)

However, I don't think either of these cases are particularly likely either. The murder method is so complicated and clearly premeditated that it would be really hard to trick someone into operating it without realizing it at all. And, if Eden killing Arei traumatized her so much that she lost multiple hours of memory then you'd think she'd just... not do it. I respect the hard work and creativity of both of these theorists, but I'll be passing on this option as well.

NUMBER THREE: EDEN FEELS REALLY, REALLY GUILTY ABOUT IT

Okay, so I maybe-sorta-lied: there are probably other ways that you could interpret Eden's emotional reactions to talking about Arei's death other than specifically her being guilty. However, given that guilt was already the justification I reached for the first Eden mini-breakdown in my Episode 13 Dissection, it may not come as a surprise that I'm staying on theme.

Before, I summarized that what Eden was saying to Levi was basically what she wanted to say or already said to herself. She knows that killing Arei was "wrong," so even though she thought it was the right thing to do, she wants to always remember Arei and acknowledge her faults as a form of penance. Also importantly, one facet of why Eden might be breaking down now is because (under the theory) she only learned that Arei truly wanted to change and be her friend in the Trial when David told her. It makes her feel extra guilty now knowing that she killed someone who wasn't just her bully, but someone who wanted to be better than that.

We're going to keep that rationale in mind as we now look through everything that Eden has to say at the end of Episode 14. The only thing of note that I will have to concede is that, even if Eden isn't a liar or a manipulator overall, any time she says anything along the lines of "I'm innocent!" or "I didn't kill Arei!", it has to be a boldface lie. Sorry, I don't like it either, but there's no way around it (outside of something like option 2). I otherwise want to claim that Eden is straight-up lying as little as possible, but this was kind of a gimme. But hey, that's why I have my doubts that any of this will turn out to be true as well.

Since this is its own post and not part of the Episode 14 Dissection, it means that I get 30 images to use on just this subject, hooray!

This is certainly a softball to start this defense off on. Eden can just be confused/upset that her efforts to evade being the blackened aren't working all of a sudden.

Similarly, this is just her rephrasing/challenging everyone's thoughts. Perhaps I should have cut out some of these beginning statements, but I'm always one for being thorough.

Don't worry, this is the last of these three. I will note, though, something that I actually only noticed on this watch-through. I was aware that Teruko and David both had shots that only showed their mouths and torsos with their eyes obscured in this episode, but apparently, Eden has one too. Of course, this could go either way: these shots could be reserved for the "major players" of this chapter-- the protagonist, killer, and someone who's clearly getting extra focus-- or, it could be more of a protag/antag/support thing. Or maybe DRDTdev just decided to start using this for highly emotional scenes.

Well, given that I'm trying to throw Eden under the bus in this post, it's clearly the first of the three. Don't listen to any clowns (<- me) who might tell you otherwise. (/j)

"Hold myself together" isn't as innocent-coded as it might seem on the surface. It seems pretty clear to me that Eden feels genuine sadness over Arei's passing no matter her role in Arei's death. However, being the blackened and having to keep a secret throughout the Trial might make coping with those emotions even more difficult. Fully breaking down in grief would be bad enough as an innocent, but as a blackened, it would basically be game over. Arei's death is the cause of her discomposure, which can still be equally true if she was the one to kill Arei.

This is quite possibly the line that I have the hardest time justifying in the context of Eden being guilty. I could obviously just say that she's lying here, but as I said at the start, I want to call what Eden says lies as minimally as possible. So, what are our other options?

Nico said earlier this episode that attempting to kill Ace was "the worst choice that [they'd] made in [their] life," so it could be fitting for both of our killers this chapter to feel the same way. After seeing what it was like to kill Arei and have everyone suspect you, Eden decides that whatever her motive for killing was wasn't worth it in the end. However, now that she's in this situation, she still has to stick with her initial plan (unless she wants to just die on the spot) because she can't go back, no matter how hard she tries--

For DRDT to enter its third chapter with the cast at their most hostile and downtrodden but also only having one killer who did so accidentally and two killers who deeply regretted it would be very interesting indeed.

Alternatively (or perhaps in combination), this could also be Eden being somewhat of a pessimist. If you're a blackened, you're generally hoping/expecting that everyone other than you will die. However, only one person's death is actually guaranteed-- your victim's. (Or two people's deaths if you kill two people, but that's not important to this case.) In theory, Eden choosing to kill Arei in particular doesn't really matter, because if she won the Class Trial, Arei would die anyways. However, now that Teruko has accused Eden, reality might be setting in for Eden as her dreams of being the one to escape flit away. In that case, she may be regretting her choice to victimize Arei-- if she's going to die for her attempt, she might at least wish that Arei got to live over some others.

I think the first option is probably the best from a thematic perspective, although both options certainly have their counterarguments.

Eden's (stellar) read on the "Why?" line definitely implies that she's frustrated, which could go either way. It's equally possible that she could be mad that people are suspecting her when she's innocent, or that she's upset that everyone is suddenly hounding her when she thought she was putting up a good front.

As for her leading question, if Eden is the killer, we've already seen her subtly mine for information at least once before. The conclusion of her last breakdown was her trying to ask David what really happened between him and Arei in the Relaxation Room. Now, asking this question might be intended to either shore up arguments she hopes to defend herself against, or force other people to "concede" that there are no reasons why Eden would have killed Arei. A bit of a dangerous gambit, but it's arguably more dangerous to have to come up with justifications about unknown arguments on the spot, especially when emotionally struggling.

Not gonna lie, though, the fact that she immediately followed up "why do you think I killed her" with "I cared about her!" also slants towards an innocent read. If you really were the culprit, I feel like you would start trying to argue against some of the solid evidence that people just presented (such as Levi bringing up the information required to write that note) with evidence of your own. Instead, Eden shoots straight for the emotional defense, even though no one was arguing that Eden never cared about Arei leading into this speech. (Arturo brings up her connection to Arei, but he never directly says it was because she didn't care.) It could speak to the fact that she was fully unprepared to be accused (because she didn't do it and had no idea about the tape).

However, Eden has always been a very emotional person, and it's possible that a big part of her intended defense was to say that she cared about Arei. Another interpretation is that Eden brought this up now because it's something she's insecure about. It sort of goes back to my idea that Eden is still desperately trying to cling to the idea that she's a "good person" despite her choice to kill. If that's true, the way that Eden is perceived as the killer might be very important to her. Like, obviously surviving the Trial itself is the most important thing, but Eden doesn't want anyone to misinterpret her as a monster on her path to the finish line.

I already explained why this line was sus as hell to me:

This distinction-- between "Arei was my friend" and "Arei could have been my friend"-- could be very telling down the line. Eden pauses mid-tear-filled rant to distinguish that Arei is not her friend, not because she's dead, but because they hadn't reached that point yet. Arei is not Eden's friend in death. What can that possibly mean other than that Eden killed Arei?

This is one of the lines that makes me most think that she is the blackened in this monologue. Because, seriously, why would she not have just said "Arei was my friend!" if there wasn't any doubt in her mind?

Alright, I think that about now is a good time for me to drop the thesis I've developed whilst reflecting on Eden's behavior and how to put all of the pieces together. Should I have said it earlier? Maybe, but where's the drama in that?

Basically, for starters, I don't think that Eden fully believed that Arei genuinely wanted to be her friend. As I've said before, Arei saving Eden from Arturo happened mere hours after Arei denounced her entire personality. It's super believable that Eden might think that Arei was just using her usual manipulative tricks to make Eden look like the fool again. However, despite all that, I don't think that Eden hated Arei, either. They were just in the exact same state that they were in before-- Arei as the bully and Eden as her target-- which Eden had never hated Arei for before. Eden wanted to help her and wanted to be friends with her, as she says in this screenshot, but that doesn't mean it could actually happen. Tragically, Eden determined that Arei wouldn't be able to change while being trapped in this killing game.

After that, Eden decides that she needs to kill to escape the school. The exact motives of which have puzzled Eden!culprit theorists for months, with current speculations still being that it may either have to do with her secret, the girl she kissed, or her family, who she told Levi she couldn't imagine living without. We've got time to cook on that in the post-Trial, if Eden is the killer. However, I also don't think that we should discount how scary the killing game has become.

Let's run through the events of Day 6 again, because it's a truly terrible day for Eden:

Eden wakes up in the morning and goes to rouse Teruko, who she has to blackmail in order to even get her to consider attending breakfast with the others. She tries to convince Teruko about the value of optimism, but Teruko only tells her that her worldview makes Teruko even less inclined to be her friend. Speaking of lack of friendship, Eden's chances at a peaceful breakfast-- which she had been hoping to use to bring everyone together-- are dashed when there are three separate shouting matches going on in the Dining Hall. Eden tries to assign her associates to break up the fights, but it goes terribly-- all she does is get Arturo and J mad at her, while Veronika only makes the situation between Ace and Nico worse.

After David's plan causes Charles (who has been making some of the most progress so far) to recall his traumatic past, Eden tries to invite Teruko and Arei to a fun event to brighten everyone's moods and right her wrongs of the past. Except that, when she does, Arei rejects her offer outright and brings up some of her biggest insecurities, causing Eden to run out of the room crying. Neither Teruko, who Eden has been trying super hard to befriend, nor David, who has (theoretically) been acting in the name of harmony and cooperation, run after her to offer her any comfort.

Despite David's lack of support, though, she still decides to support him by following his idea to let Arturo know about his secret. Trying to do so nearly costs her her life. She's just one unarmed 5'2" clockmaker against a clearly agitated 6'3" surgeon with a scalpel, and she's only saved by the bully who just said that Eden "utterly disgust[ed] her in every way." Arei now claims that she'd do anything for Eden, but is that just another setup through which Arei can make fun of her trusting nature in the future...? Eden wants to hope, but it's hard to do so when the person who just saved you was the one who told you you shouldn't.

Anyways, even despite a long afternoon of Nico being outed and a long night of being stalked by probably-Arturo, Eden is still trying to help Teruko pick up her clothes when she runs into Teruko in the Dress-Up Room. But since nothing can go right for Eden today, it's then when she and Teruko hear a loud noise, and they stumble upon Ace's body in the Gym-- the second murder attempt Eden has seen today. Nico is standing over Ace, really making it look like they killed him. Gosh, if only someone had been able to talk to the two of them this morning in a productive way, instead of making things worse. Thankfully, Ace is still alive, but less thankfully, he's now a convert to killing and wants to eliminate Nico. The day ends with Ace saying that this place is worse than death and Levi-- who Eden had just been praising for being kind and reliable-- giving up on his former friend.

Are you starting to see why Eden started planning murder and picked up the tape when she did?

Looking at it through that perspective, I don't even know if Eden needs a reason outside of the killing game to want to be the blackened and escape. If we can accept that Ace's motive would be to escape the situation in which he almost died, it feels like we should be able to acknowledge that Eden could be motivated by the exact same thing.

Obviously, it's harder to believe that Eden would kill than Ace, because Eden generally cares about everybody and Ace (other than Levi, once) didn't really like anyone. However, I, at least, don't think it would be totally narratively unsatisfying for Eden's reason for killing to be that her bandwidth for caring for others was overloaded, and with no one supporting her (and at least one party actively attacking her), her fears of the killing game got the better of her, if only just for a moment.

Getting back on track, Eden's terrible awful no good very bad day has inspired her to kill, but who does she take down as her victim? Well, as we've established before, if Eden wins, everyone will die anyways, so it's not like she's really "sparing anyone's life" by not killing them here. She's already made her peace with everyone as she knows them dying. And after that, despite the care she still has for Arei, she chooses Arei as her victim because of what Arei told her after Arturo attacked Eden. But, I'll reiterate, Eden doesn't hate Arei. Instead, Eden chooses Arei because she thinks Arei is the victim that will make her look the least suspicious.

Just because Eden doesn't believe that Arei really wanted to be her friend doesn't mean that other people won't. In fact, I think that Arturo would definitely believe that the two of them had turned over a new leaf. In this situation, Eden is aware that her best path to innocence is to play up her kindhearted personality in order to lead people to believe that she would never hurt a fly. Therefore, she decides to leave the note behind so that people will hear about the story of Arturo attacking her. In my Episode 14 dissection, I was spinning my wheels trying to figure out why Eden would possibly want anyone to find that note. However, this option would create a reason why Eden would want others to read the note. The mere fact that Arei decided to come to the Playground would serve as evidence that Arei really did care about Eden, and therefore make Eden seem more innocent. Maybe she overstepped a bit on revealing so much about Arturo's secret in the note, but given that everyone seems to believe that the killer overhearing the conversation was possible anyways, it's not a huge deal.

However, there is a contradiction here that you may have picked up on. Why would Eden count on using a note to draw Arei out to the Playground if she didn't believe that Arei would actually listen to her? I raise you a new idea: who says that note was actually real?

For those who believe that Eden isn't the killer, the thought that someone falsified writing that note isn't anything revolutionary. However, if other culprits could plant that note as a fake, who's to say that Eden didn't do the same?

I believe it was demodraws606 who recently raised the question of why Eden would even bother writing a note to Arei when she could have just gone up and knocked on her door. (Apologies, I tried to find the post in which they said that but I couldn't track it down 😔) That excellent question set off the domino chain that made me think... well, maybe she did.

Eden works through the night (14 hour shifts, baby) setting up the pieces of her murder contraption in the Playground and writing a fake note that she "sent" to Arei. However, instead of sending that note to Arei, she goes to Arei's room herself and knocks on her door at, like, 7 AM or something. Eden doesn't necessarily believe that Arei will answer, but, if she doesn't-- that's not the worst thing in the world, right? It's not like she's particularly pressed about the secrets deadline, and she left herself with enough time to put away her murder scheme if necessary. Unfortunate, but assuming that she lives another day, she can try again some other time. However, instead, Arei opens the door (because, unbeknownst to Arei, she really did want to be friends with Eden), sealing her fate.

This also opens the opportunity for the scene of knocking Arei out to be in the doorway of Arei's room, instead of in the Playground. I always wondered how the scuffs on the floor would be so contained to one area near the entrance to the Playground. Like, the whole rope setup must have been at least somewhat set up by the time Arei entered the Playground, right? If Arei saw that, why wouldn't she start running away? And, in the case of Eden as the culprit specifically, would she really be able to subdue Arei in such a small area? If Arei was knocked out in her room, we wouldn't be able to see any evidence of that happening, because no one searched her room. That also leaves open the opportunity for Eden to have tossed any items she used to knock out Arei into Arei's room, where no one would be able to find them. And, hell, let's rope the glove into this, too! If Arei was never even intending to get dressed up to the level of leaving her room, maybe she hadn't yet put on her glove when Eden taped her wrists! It's weak reasoning, but it's a reasoning, at least!

(Also, if you're wondering how the scuffs on the ground could have gotten there if Arei wasn't subdued in the Playground, sorastar6 also recently made a theory that the ground was actually scuffed up after the jugs broke and the turf became wet, and it was the killer walking through a puddle that messed up the ground.)

After that, yada yada, ropes and carousel, Arei dies, investigation, Class Trial.

Eden is trying her best to just lay low and survive the Class Trial, but a wrench is thrown her way when David reveals to her that, after she left the Playground, Arei confessed to David and Teruko that she actually wanted to change. This goes against everything that Eden thought. Part of her reason for murder was that no one was willing to work with her, and now she learns that she just killed the one person who actually was? That's terrible! It can't be! David, please tell me the rest of that story!!!

At this point, you might wonder why, if Eden feels horribly guilty about killing Arei and unsure of her former conviction that the best thing she could do would be to get out of here alive, she wouldn't just confess to the crime already. Beyond her desire to survive herself, I think it could be because she wants Arei's death to have meaning.

If Eden gives up, it means that she killed Arei for no reason. She made the huge, irreversible decision to kill Arei, and then decided to throw it away when things got tough. But she won't let herself brush away the deaths she caused just because it was inconvenient for her.

She won't let her emotions take precedence over the harm that she caused.

She has to acknowledge that Arei's death was her fault.

Which means that, just like Min did, she has to fight like a proper blackened would if she wants to prove that she cared about enough Arei to believe that her life had meaning.

And that's why Eden is so insistent that she didn't kill Arei because she hated her. She isn't someone who believed that Arei was fully incapable of change, and she still cared about Arei a lot. And so, she'll honor Arei's legacy by taking to heart what Arei said to her.

Those are my general thoughts on how to justify Eden's breakdown at the end of the episode-- although, obviously, we still have more to go. That awkward middle placement strikes again, huh? But, I do think it has its benefits, which is why I'm keeping it here. We get to balance some buildup before the point with the lens of seeing some of the dialogue after the point. Let's wrap up the rest of this a bit quicker, shall we?

Since we're a while from the start, let me just issue a refresher that this post is assuming that every time Eden says "I didn't kill Arei" she is just lying. Yes, it assumes that Eden is willing to lie in a Class Trial, but I think that any 18 year old would be capable of pulling that off if their life was at stake, no matter how sweet they may seem.

This could also be another instance of Eden assessing the situation via asking a question.

This line would be tying back to the assumption that Eden's main plan for getting away with the crime (other than possibly framing Nico with the murder method) was to pull the emotional defense that others wouldn't believe that she killed. The tears could still absolutely be borne of genuine fear, but the choice to reach for help from Teruko could be her planned fallback if things got dicey. If she is the killer, then the evidence should stack against her, meaning that "belief" is her best way out of receiving votes. This is her hail mary.

"This trial has been cruel to me" is 100% right if she is the blackened who got jumpscared by knowing that Arei cared. After she initially acted against her instincts to kill for the sake of her life, she then has to face consequences that she didn't even think were possible, all while keeping a straight face. For whoever the killer is, can you imagine how stressful it must have been to have David extend the Trial for so much longer with his nonsense? (Mondo with Byakuya vibes in Ch2, honestly. The THH parallels never rest.)

Again, we're saying "I didn't kill her" is a lie, while "I just wanted to help her" was the truth. Something more along the lines of "I just wanted to help Arei, but she seemingly rejected my every effort, so I killed her but without the knowledge that my help was actually getting through to her" is what we're aiming for here.

I decided to combine these two together because I didn't have much to say about the first one on its own. One interesting thing to note here is what thebadjoe pointed out: Eden says that friends are supposed to help each other out, yet in Chapter 2 Episode 3, she was the one telling Teruko that relationships aren't transactional. What changed between now and then?

Well, this is much more in keeping with Arei's "that's what friends do" philosophy, which could either be a further indication that she was taking Arei's words to heart (for better or for worse) or that she's just desperate enough that she needs to count on Teruko in this moment if she wants to survive (again, whether genuinely innocent or guilty). It could mean nothing, but it could also be an indication of Eden's more manipulative side, if she's making an emotional argument that goes against her own philosophy just because she knows it'll strike a chord with Teruko.

(Of course, you can basically counterbalance this "inconsistency" with the one that one post (yet ANOTHER post I cannot fucking re-find) pointed out with Ace saying "I would never commit a murder of my own" with him previously saying that he was "about to commit a murder of his own" on Nico. They can't both be the killer unless something really weird is going on, so at least one of these "inconsistencies" has to mean nothing.)

Also, while I wouldn't go so far as to say that Eden is faking her tears over Arei (because that's clearly not true) there's also room for Eden to be crying here because she feels bad about manipulating Teruko, but as established before, still feels like she has to go through with it. Her acting doesn't have to be impeccable if the crying is covering up the crying she would already be doing.

'Cause sometimes, the breaks you take in between sniffles can conceal the breaks you would be taking as you struggle to lie to Teruko's face! Hypothetically.

"Please trust me, Teruko. You're my only hope."

In this hypothetical, I think we have to assume that Eden is just genuinely surprised that the super-smart Teruko wasn't able to see through her act. It might come as a shock that the same Teruko who said that Eden's kindness made her want to stay farther away would now see Eden's pleading as a sign to protect her. (Another judgment of character that Eden made incorrectly.)

And now, for the other hardest part to justify...

With the combination of the soft music (the same music that plays during the "kindness isn't weakness" scene, mind you) and the bokeh lights and the line deliveries and everything, this does feel like pretty convincing evidence that Eden is not the killer. But, if we're talking about the world in which she is, I do think that she still feels genuinely relieved here. The hug isn't directly manipulative, it's just thanking Teruko for giving her another shot at life.

Furthermore, it's a confirmation that, in Teruko's eyes, Eden still isn't a "bad person"-- at least not yet. Eden needs to continue believing that she's a good person with good ideas if she wants to have any hopes of fighting back against the cold and cruel world she was telling Teruko about. If she's become just as cold and cruel as the rest of them, then there's no way for her to be optimistic or kind, and therefore, no way to escape the grief that's haunting her. Eden has yet to learn that a good person is not gold, so that's the only world that she sees.

And, that's Eden's last line of the episode! Before we wrap up, though, I do want to talk about how Eden being the culprit would affect the story as a whole, as you touched upon that in your ask. Mainly, I want to talk about the big problem that many people have with Eden being the killer: what would happen to Teruko if it's proven that one of her closest allies is the killer again? We don't want a repeat of Chapter 1, but how do you avoid that after that hug?

As is my M.O., I'm here to argue that there are two ways you can make the situation different: by making it better or making it worse. In terms of making it better, I think that thefandomenchantress argued for it well in this post. If Eden's gotten her most desperate moment out of the way now, she might have room to be a bit more accepting in her final moments, and be able to reassure Teruko that just because she killed doesn't mean nobody is worthy of trust. In fact, Eden is so sad now because she didn't have enough trust in Arei, and look where that landed her! We could end Eden off on at least being happy that she and Arei were both able to change in the ways that the other wanted for them (Arei becoming more helpful and Eden becoming more responsible) and her being happy that at least the other students get to live.

On the other hand, you could make it worse. Venus-is-thinking and I have discussed together before how different Min and Eden's situations are, because while Min only really tried getting close to Teruko after her crime was already committed, Eden has been trying to become Teruko's friend for ages, before the idea to murder even crossed her mind. This death would be even more personal, as it can more so be argued that Teruko's lack of trust is part of what drove Eden to kill, whereas with Min, it was just that Teruko initially trusting Min opened her more up to hurt. You might argue that this would just cause Teruko to pull away even more harshly (which is still bad), but that's not necessarily the case. Maybe her breakdown this time drives her to get in people's faces so that they'll die even faster and she can rip the bandage off. Along those lines, maybe she'd even try to get closer to those she least trusts right now (like David) because clearly, her curse will cause those who she spends the most time with to die. The circumstances around Teruko have changed, which means that we can't expect the same sort of pressure to necessarily yield the same result.

As for your concerns about Eden's impact on Arei and genuine-seeming emotions, hopefully my main dissertation answers how I'd explain that ^_^

If you're wondering how I feel... well, despite everything that I wrote, I'm honestly kinda thinking that it's Ace at this point. Don't get me wrong, I think that the Eden read is still out there, but given how seemingly little time we have until the culprit is revealed, there may not be enough time to unpack anything close to this before the gavel comes down. Everyone keeps posting their polls about who people think is the killer, and I keep flip-flopping on whether I choose Eden or Ace as my answer. I wouldn't be surprised if either of them did it, except that--

Well, let's be honest. At this point, I'm going to be flabbergasted by whoever the culprit is, just because it's them.

Thank you for the ask, and see you on Friday!

#danganronpa despair time #drdt #fanganronpa #drdt spoilers #drdt chapter 2 part 2 spoilers #eden tobisa #ace markey #arei nageishi #teruko tawaki #if you are the person who made any of those three posts or you know who did please send a link! i'll edit the post to include them #i s2g it used to be so easy to find old drdt theory posts but now that EVERYONE is posting ALL THE TIME things get BURIED!!!#(this is the opposite of a problem i love that everyone has so much to say about the new episodes)#anyways i have come down with a rough cold this week so apologies if i am 1) slower or 2) more incomprehensible than usual #hoping it clears up before friday but we'll see how it goes #my theories

66 notes · View notes

onyx-archer · 1 month ago

Text

So... Let's Talk About THAT

I want to start this by saying that I haven't purchased Double Exposure, and I have no plans on doing so because of what this post is about. I know very little about the game, but I do know about the Chloe stuff. That was the one thing I wanted to know about going into the game before I committed to a purchase. Not specifically because of a ship or whatever (though that's certainly a factor), but how they go about justifying Chloe not being in the Double Exposure.

I say that because I knew, based on the marketing for the game being as cagey as it is in regards to Chloe. I knew there'd be some kind of justification to not have her around, because how else are they going to make the game's story work with both endings being "respected." And that's the key word here: respect.

Normally, I'd at least abide by my spoiler policy, where I would mark spoilers for stuff that's super new for like, a month. However, because of what this entails, I really can't be nice enough to do that, as everything I've seen has genuinely made me go "how is this 'respecting' the player's choice from LiS1?!"

Under the cut, there will be spoilers for Life Is Strange as a series. As I write this sentence, I don't know how much I'll go into it, so be warned. I know Double Exposure isn't even fully out, but man, I have a lot to say about this ONE THING in it that has me annoyed to no end.

So... in Double Exposure, the one thing a lot of fans of the first game were wondering was "why is Chloe not in the game?" Some were hopeful that she would be, but realistically, there was no way that was possible without the game's budget being higher. At best, we'd get some new voice lines, but that's about it. Why? Because Deck Nine wanted to "respect" the ending of LiS1 for the players who chose the "Bay" ending. Chloe, in case y'all forgot, fucking DIES in that ending, so she'd, at best, get a cameo appearance in the game where Max returns unless it was decided that the game was set in a timeline where Chloe survived.

It is very clear to me from the jump that unless they made that choice, they'd not have Chloe be around. It was likely that they'd make it so the pair broke up in some capacity (be it as friends or lovers, it didn't really matter), and as much as I didn't want that aspect to be true, it ended up actually being the case. As a fan of Pricefield, this sucks, but as a person who understood from the start that the game would have to find a way to dodge the issue of Chloe in some capacity to tell the story Deck Nine wanted to tell, I could accept it. So long as the way they did so was respectful to the original vision of the characters in some capacity.

And because I'm writing this post at all, it's pretty obvious that isn't what happened.

I want to be perfectly clear when I say that the break up, conceptually, makes sense as a mechanism for a story about Max. In my mind, it would make sense that Max and Chloe's relationship would have some bumps caused by the sheer amount of trauma Max endured during the tail end of LiS1. Finding out that a person you looked up to (Jefferson) was a total psycho who was obsessed with you and likely would have tried something worse than just taking gross pictures of you would leave a person pretty fucking messed up for years. Add onto that the fact that she basically had to do the trolly problem in real life, with the choices being her hometown and it's entire population... or a person she loves so much she couldn't imagine living without them (be it as a friend, or as more than that)... and you'd probably have a therapy bill the size of the Olympus Mons before you started feeling "relatively normal" again.

In a world where the people who were writing the game were better at their jobs, at least in this capacity, they'd look at that, and see how it'd affect a relationship. Max being unable to properly move on, with the only person she can reliably talk to about it being someone she very much wouldn't want to trauma dump on (since you can't exactly tell a shrink that you had time travelled so much that you caused a titanic sized waterspout to level an entire costal town without getting institutionalized), given that said person is likely grappling with a lot of shit themselves (survivor's guilt, for one)... yeah a break up of some kind, even if only a temporary one, is kind of inevitable. Time apart might be something you both need to properly heal.

This would also allow the story to at least try to deal with Max's trauma in a way that is comparable in scope based on both decisions, and it would make sense. If Max were the one to break off the relationship, citing a need to have some time apart to get her head on straight (metaphorically speaking, we all know she ain't straight), it'd make sense that said choice could blow up in her face and leave her a bit emotionally frazzled. Chloe is a person who very obvious abandonment issues, so a decision like that from Max, even if it was only for a while, would likely lead to a much more stressful situation, regardless of how close they are.

This, in turn, would allow the "Bay" ending to be about Max not being able to get over her choice to functionally kill her own best friend, and all of the things she never got to say. The grief being something she struggles with for a decade (or however long it is between LiS1 and DE) would make sense. It'd be in character. Max is a character who is indecisive, and is prone to fussing over mistakes she feels she makes, especially with Chloe. She buries those kinds of feelings in a box until she's forced to confront them. Then she tries to over compensate for her shortcomings. We know she does this because she immediately jumps to help Chloe look for Rachel at the first real chance she gets as a way for her to at least sort of make up for the 5 years of basically no contact. Yeah, there are other reasons she does this, but it can be pretty easily inferred that Max, since Max's whole power allows her to go back in time, which is, in theory, the ultimate way to fix your past mistakes.

I'd be fine if the breakup was purely Max running from a problem she doesn't want to properly deal with. With her being reminded of her choice that killed hundreds of people for one person, even if that person means everything to her. Some people crumple under less, and Max is very much an insecure person, so she'd crumple like a wet napkin eventually.

They could have very easily made a core part of the game Max learning to let go of that part of her past, to finally make peace with her choice. You could even have it be a case where her powers leave her for good, with some kind of, I dunno, storm of butterflies (which I feel could very easily serve as a symbol of Max connection to Chloe, and not as just a symbol for Chloe exclusively). Regardless of the Bae or Bay choice, having her powers literally fly away would also be a way of saying that she's finally "grown up," and that her burdens have been eased, with them flying away with her powers. The guilt? Yeah, there'd always be a little, that shit never goes away, but she'd no longer wallow in it. The trauma? She'd be able to accept it as a thing that happened, and move on in a more healthy way.

If Chloe and her were a couple, maybe she'd end the game with a phone call, reaching out to Chloe in an effort to repair their relationship, to say that she's "done living in the past." She could literally say something like "I'm done rewinding, I'm just going to look to the future, and leave the past where it is." We'd probably all cheer at that kind of sappy bullshit. It'd be sapphic as hell, and it'd be awesome.

But no. That's too nice a thought. Deck Nine had other plans.

In the game, as it is now, there is a distinct problem with the breakup working, and that's the way it happens. In Double Exposure (at least up to Episode 2, as that's all that's currently available), the game is quick to brush aside the idea that Max and Chloe were ever really a thing, and wants the player to go right into being interested in having Max romance the New characters that Deck Nine made for the game! Why'd they break up? Because Chloe is afraid that Max is using her rewind powers (which she supposedly hasn't since Blackwell), and that, because of those powers, she's always going to be living in the past. That she, Chloe fucking Price, just wants to be a free spirit and live for the future, and that, "as much as it hurts," that might be a future without Max in it.

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME???

Chloe Price, the bony sack of trauma, cigarette smoke, and well documented abandonment issues, is the one breaking off a relationship? Are you serious? You gotta be fucking with me Deck Nine! You wrote a whole ass game about this character, and my opinion of that game aside (I think Before the Storm is dogshit btw), you still miss one of the core aspects of Chloe's whole character? How do you miss the point by this much?

And then... a self-proclaimed former staff member at Deck Nine spoke up on Reddit... said some stuff, and it all started to make sense.

See, Deck Nine has, at least somewhat recently, come under fire for their dogshit working conditions. There were several articles showcasing how toxic that place was to work for a number of reasons by several publications. The writing was on the wall, but a lot of people, myself included, tried to not see it, and just be hopeful for a new LiS game. While I really don't like BtS, I very much enjoyed True Colors, so I was at least a little optimistic.

However, if that supposed former employee is to be believed in any capacity (we can at least say they likely are a former employee, as another former employee basically called them out on Twitter for trying to start a hate brigade... even though they didn't), then Double Exposure was doomed from the start. The creative leads on the project, allegedly, HATE Chloe, and would shoot down ideas that would be more respectful of her in All Hands On Deck (Nine) meetings, even though they asked for ideas due to how they wrote themselves into a bloody corner whilst working on the game the way they did.

Then there's the fact that supposedly some people at the publisher dislike Chloe because they feel that Ashly Burch shit on Before the Storm post-launch (which she didn't, btw), despite her working on a game that replaced her voice with another actress due to a strike. They hired a "scab" to voice the characters, and that might have upset Ashly, a union member. Fair enough. But apparently some people didn't like Rhianna DeVries, which the publisher heard, and said "don't bring her back for any big appearances" or something? So they aren't going to recast again, they aren't going to bring back Ashly for petty reasons, and they aren't going to even bring Rhianna back again (she had a small voice role in True Color's Wavelengths DLC), even though most people are fine with her? Hell, I think she's a damn highlight in the cast for BtS, and I hate that game.

Then I got to thinking: is there evidence that Deck Nine hates Chloe, despite working on Before the Storm? Short answer: I think so, yeah. Long answer? Well...

One thing that is notable about Before the Storm, at least from my perspective, is that said game did a pretty middling job with characters that were introduced in the original game, despite being a prequel. Nathan is nothing like how he is in LiS1, nor is David. Rachel doesn't even remotely come off as the kind of character that people would talk about the way they do in LiS1 after she goes missing (what with her being a big Laura Palmer parallel and all). Fuck, they made Victoria willing to roofie someone to get ahead, which a lot of people called out as tone deaf as hell given what happens to her in LiS1.

But in that same breath, the game introduces a handful of new, Deck Nine original characters, and that's clearly where the effort was. Some were better than others, of course, Samantha was largely pointless and amounted to nothing, Rachel's Parents are just not well written, and Damon is such a bland attempt at a villain... Don't even get me started on the Elliot Rogers looking ass character that shares a first name with that whackjob.

But you wanna know who Deck Nine really likes? Steph Gingrich. And you know what, so do I. I like Steph a lot. She's like, the best thing to come out of that game. But when you pull back and analyze who Steph is, something notable stands out: she's basically Deck Nine's take on "what if Chloe wasn't a bitchy bitch?"

Think about it: Steph is a queer girl wearing a beanie (Chloe's basic aesthetic), enjoys nerdy stuff and Blade Runner (Chloe, even before joining their D&D sessions, was a closet weeb back before she lost her dad), is into punk rock (so much so that she forms a punk band, Drugstore Makeup, with a former girlfriend), likes to smoke weed (to be fair, a lot of characters in LiS do), and even gets a healthy dose of trauma from the storm killing her own mom, or losing two very close friends, one of which is the same person Chloe lost (this is more a Max parallel, but you get it). She even has a pretty distinct "voice" in how she talks that most people can pick out of a crowd pretty easily (which, to be fair, isn't hard, since True Colors has a very muted cast in this respect). Hell, she can even romantically end up with a bisexual with super powers! She's literally just "what if Chloe was more of a nerd and less of an asshole."

This isn't to shit on Steph at all, again, I love Steph, she's great. I'm not even mad about the obvious parallels between her and Chloe. They were friends, of course aspects of them are going to be similar. But when you take those things into consideration when reading that Deck Nine supposedly hates Chloe... and you see how hard the series has pushed Steph (Steph has her own DLC story, a full ass novel about stuff she did between her two appearances, and a comic where she and Alex act as the cool lesbian surrogate parents to a runaway girl with powers), you can sort of pick up on some subliminal parallels. It's hard not to when Deck Nine has a clear bias for a character they made, and how they dislike a character they didn't, despite the overlap.

I could just be reaching, but when I put the pieces in front of me in the context of "Deck Nine hates Chloe" it just adds up. It's kind of hard not to think Deck Nine does hate Chloe, given that before we even find out the specifics of the break up, they have Safi ask Max if she's interested in the new female love interest the devs cooked up immediately after Max tries to basically shut down the conversation about why she and Chloe broke up. Even in the context of Chloe dying, it's clear what they're doing here, and it's not even remotely subtle.

Even if a lot of this is just bullshit, it's clear that Deck Nine had no real intention of "respecting" anything. Why? Because Double Exposure very clearly wants to operate under the pretense that you chose to Sacrifice Chloe. It's the only way the game really works in anyway that's even remotely "respectful" to any fans. The fact that they rejected the premise of DE being set in a timeline where Chloe was definitively DEAD, even though members of the team suggested that should be how they approached this game's story, says that they had no real intention of respecting the integrity of the choice LiS1 players made. Regardless of the reasons why they did this, respect is NOT one of those reasons. They had a story they wanted to tell, but forced themselves to try and fit the square peg into the round hole.

This game already decided to not respect the original creators at Don't Nod by having it be about Max, when they said Max and Chloe's stories were "done." I get it, that's a decision they likely didn't make themselves... but they could have at least tried harder to respect the characters they were given to make a story about a little more.

For all I know, the remaining 3 Episodes of Double Exposure may allow the player to have Max and Chloe reconcile at the end if you don't romance any of the new characters. Maybe that's an ending, and I'm mad for basically just bad writing... but I nevertheless won't be supporting this game with my money as things currently stand.

#life is strange #Double Exposure #Life Is Strange Double Exposure #LiS #LiSDE #LiS DE #LiS DE Spoilers #Spoilers #Double Exposure Spoilers #Pricefield #Life is Strange Spoilers #We're talking about THAT #Deck Nine #Rant #Essay

45 notes · View notes

jq37 · 6 months ago

Text

FH Junior Year Post-Season Thoughts

With another season of Fantasy High in the books and my recaps all finished, I wanted to do an overview of my thoughts on the season as a whole. Even though I feel generally positive about my experience with the season, there are a few things I think maybe could have been done differently narratively or mechanically. This isn't to criticize the way the season went down or to backseat DM/Play. More my combined ten years of college for textual analysis and storytelling bleeding through, haha.

I first want to start with the things I thought worked really well.

Fantasy High has "High" right in its title but, in past seasons (and especially Sophomore Year), not as much time as you'd think was spent actually at school and even if it was spent at school, there wasn't much time spent in class or engaging with the realities of being a student. This season really dug into the academic consequences of skipping your classes all the time and the realities of needing to do a ton of extra stuff to try for a scholarship and I think that was a refreshing thing to highlight for a change. Being more scared at flunking out than the dragon that's trying to eat you feels very emotionally resonant. Real "High School Is Killing Me" vibes for anyone who's a fan of NPMD.

Even though Fantasy High is a show that has some deep emotional beats and strong character arcs, it's first and foremost a comedy show. From the jump, everyone was generating bit after bit that had me cracking up as usual. "Little girly dog collar" is one of the funniest combinations of words I can think of. I think it was Siobhan who said that this was the goofy season and, having seen it, I'd have to agree with her. It never failed to make me laugh and it was always a highlight of my week. The cast just has great table chemistry that I love to watch no matter what they're doing.

Watching some of these high level combat encounters is as close as I'll get to understanding people watching sports. Even though combat is generally my least fave part of D&D, I think the cast really killed it this season with how cleverly they played and Brennan came up with some really great combat encounters. Special shout outs to Baron's Game and The Last Stand for their unique mechanics.

This is going to be one that's on the other list as well because my feelings are mixed, but I genuinely do like the downtime mechanic and how it forces hard choices. I think it's an interesting way to connect a mechanic to the story and cultivate stressful atmosphere for the season.

I have problems with the execution but I love the Rat Grinders in concept. I think as early as season 1 I was hoping that we'd meet a party that was like the Bizarro Bad Kids and the idea of a party that's farming XP instead of going on crazy adventures is a strong concept. Likewise, I think a character that's jealous because of your "cool" (read: tragic) backstory is also a fun trait for an unhinged antagonist in this kind of setting.

This is me absolutely showing my bias but I adored the Abernant Sisters content this season. I dunno if Siobhan specifically asked Brennan to not put her on a bus with the other beloved NPCs or what but I'm so glad she stuck around and we got the development we did. It was almost entirely ancillary to the plot but there was this clear pattern of Aelwyn getting softer and sweeter towards Adaine over the course of the season, from the guarded, "Enjoy the nemesis ward," to, full I love you's and, "I'd take them to get you." It was way more focus than I expected considering that Aelwyn completed the bulk of her arc last season and a lot of the time, a redemption arc basically ends after the big gesture (in this case, Aelwyn taking a magic blast for Adaine in Sophomore Year). So the fact that we got to see all of these sweet moments of them reestablishing their relationship outside of do or die moments was such a pleasant surprise. Again, I fully admit I am extremely biased, but this was my top wishlist item and the season overdelivered so there's a baseline happy I'm always gonna be with Junior Year.

OK, so moving on to things I things I think could have been tweaked.

Even though I liked the downtime system and the pressures it created, it also squeezed out the chance for more casual PC to NPC interactions that would usually be more common because they were semi-locked behind the relationship track and there wasn't an obvious benefit to roll for Relationships (as opposed to something like Academics which was crucial for not flunking out). Making the mechanical benefit more clear would have helped that (even if it meant Brennan didn't get his reveal--which he ended up just telling them anyway so might as well do it early). The other thing is that the consequence of a rage token was so bad that of course they spent all season avoiding getting one. Things might have gone differently if the consequences had been a bit more obscured, like in Neverafter. And it could have been a nice parallel to the Rat Grinders to take this unknown resource that makes things easier for you but is also having this negative effect. Then it could be like dang we did the same thing they did unknowingly.

I mentioned this in my recap but I'll talk about it again. It is a little confusing to me that we did the Ankarna subplot right after we did the very similar Cassandra subplot. It took up so much time this season which I don't think is an issue in and of itself, it's just that we literally just went through some extremely similar beats last season. Why double up on this same storyline when there's so much new ground to cover? Or if we're going to raise a god, why not make it a different kind of god? One theory I had early on was that the Rat Grinders were trying to raise their own god to one-up the Bad Kids but instead of raising a chill, misunderstood Cass type, they accidentally raised a god who was erased for a good reason and got in over their heads.

It's fun for there to be connections between seasons but sometimes it's like, OK that's a *lot* of coincidences. Like the god who your rivals is trying to raise *happens* to be the wife of your cleric's god and also *happens* to be the god of the fiend trapped in your friend's mom's chest and that fiend *happens* to be the relative on your bard's dad's side which is *also* the reason she is randomly cursed? That's a LOT of red string connecting plot points. As unhinged as Kipperlilly is about coveting Riz's backstory if I saw that go down I'd be like you have *got* to be kidding me.

The mystery elements didn't feel like they clicked as well as they did in other seasons. I think that's partially because Porter's plan was so convoluted (seriously, I made another post about how haphazard his plan was) and had all these moving parts and we didn't get clear answers for a lot of mechanical things like how the rage crystals actually work and when they were implanted and stuff. You had stuff like Devil's Honey which I think is super cool as a thing that exists in the world but ended up being an element that just led the players down the wrong path and had a relatively small payoff (that Porter was using it to lie to Ankarna). I think it's plausible that a forgotten god would be willing to listen to anyone saying the right things without introducing this element. (As opposed to, for instance, Ambrosia which has a very clear connection to what's going on and is a solid clue that someone is flirting with aspirations of godhood.)

The Porter reveal came so late in the season that even though it was a fun/challenging fight, there wasn't a lot of emotional weight behind killing him. It was basically just dunking on a teacher Fig has always hated who was also mean to Gorgug so screw him. Which, valid of course. But the Bad Kids were never going to react as strongly to Porter as they were to the Rat Grinders so putting Porter in the prime villain spot isn't necessarily what I would have done if I wanted the fight to be more than just a brawl--especially since we've done "School admin with student minions" already in S1. I don't mind the full circle callback but it would have been nice to pick something else for the sake of variety. We haven't had a child mastermind yet and I think Kipperlilly could have been a great candidate for that. My friend suggested that it would have been fun if Kipperlilly was trying to become a god instead of just being Porter's underling and I agree. "I'm not anyone's chosen one so I'll choose myself," is still within her established jealousy and Type A tendencies. If we want to keep Porter involved since that was Brennan's gift to Emily, maybe have it be that instead of Kipperlilly working for him, he's working for her. Like Artemis Fowl vibes! And the Rat Grinders can be varying levels of on board--from true believe to redeemable. I don't think Brennan planned for the Bad Kids to ever redeem her so might as well go full megalomaniacal mastermind with her and make her The Villain if she's not gonna be nuanced anyway. If My Little Pony can do it and send a literal child to Tartarus for pony treason (or whatever Cozy Glow did), Fantasy High can too.

Continuing from the above, if we have the Porter fight in place of the Grix fight (a la Daybreak) and don't use Ankarna, that gives way more time for the Bad Kids to investigate the Rat Grinders throughout the season and it would mean that they would have their personalities developed a lot more. With the limited downtime, they Bad Kids didn't have a lot of time to spend on these kids who were just hating on them for no good reason (valid). But if you cleared their plate of the god hunt stuff, they'd have more time for this. And if they weren't all rage zombies to varying degrees, it would be easier to see them as characters. Besides Kipperlilly (and, funnily enough, Mary Ann) we don't really have a good read on what these kids are actually like. The little time we spent with them all season was kind of a wash if them breaking out of rage means their personalities got laundered too. Anyway, regardless of how their loyalties ended up shaking out, it would have been fun for them to be more than the minions that they were in canon. As funny as it is for them to just kinda be XP farming losers, they did have the potential to be more interesting in their own right if they weren't just Porter's minions. And again, we've done adults forcing or coercing children into being minions in Freshman and Sophomore Year already. Lemme see some self-created child maniacs! (Or, peer pressured child maniacs. That's cool too. The Lucy/Kipperlilly dynamic is way more interesting to me if it's like girl, I would take a bullet for you but I CANNOT walk this path with you any further in response to *I* will be a god and you can be *MY* champion.)

Anyway, those are my thoughts! Like I said, I have my points that I think could have been tightened, but overall an enjoyable season and I will be glued to my screen if they decide to close out with Senior Year!

#dimension 20 #d20 #fantasy high #spoilers #I had so much fun with this season but the overall plot makes my brain throw up question marks if I map it out or think about it too hard #but then I think about adaine and aelwyn at basrar's and it's like wow 10/10 flawless execution #I don't know if I've been clear enough about this over the season but I LIKE kipperlilly as a character #I think she sucks and that's great #I think she should be worse actually #like own it #don't be a pawn in some loser's plan be your own girlboss #grind those rats chug that ambrosia #be the teenage demi-god you think you deserve to be and drag your friends into your plan with the sheer force of your personality #make it 100% sure that there's a spot in hell waiting for you when you get sent there #imagine the level of vitriol they had towards kipperlilly as is and then imagine she has legendary actions #I think her going down to riz like a chump is such a huge W for riz and fitting for how the narrative played out #but to use wrestling terms for a second #it was a waste of a LOT of heat #Porter didn't have NEARLY as much heat as she did

72 notes · View notes

pseudophan · 2 months ago

Note

i am a phannie since 2014. and i had a strong "they used to date but now they don't" belief before they came out. around 2016.-2017. i fell into the trap of anti-s, basically dan and phil phans that were quite popular on tumblr, but still really critical of them, especially dan for "queerbaiting". i am also gay, so they actually made sense to me and made me dislike dan because i rlly thought he was doing it just because tumblr was really popular still and his fanbase was queer.. looking back at it.. real people just can't queerbait! it's a fiction term only! but that also comes down to ppl not really seeing youtubers/influencers as actual people lol. crazy times

it's really interesting to hear from all of you who got influenced by the really bitter bloggers from back in the day. i remember complaining about it and getting told off cause "people are allowed to have opinions and you can be critical of dnp" which is such a horseshit comeback bc this is exactly the problem!! people were upset by dnp "taking advantage of their audience and the shipping" and shit and my point was always ok if you think they're doing that then sure, you're allowed to think whatever, but it was based on nothing but vibes and to then base your entire social media presence on bitching about it is only going to convince others you've got a point, and that's a dangerous concept when again you are fully just making shit up! soooo many phannies got disillusioned with dnp around that time and a lot of it stemmed from wanting answers and refusing to accept there might be very legitimate reasons for us not receiving said answers. and sure i could understand being a bit annoyed at dan for various things he'd say and do but it was like.. if your annoyance with dan is enough for you to be that angry at them all the time then perhaps you should just step away rather than Make Shit Up to justify your anger, you know?

i'm sorry they got in your head, i genuinely feel so bad any of that shit happened because it was so so very unnecessary, but it's fascinating to hear about it now on the other side of it all and realising these really bitter phannies had the exact influence i feared they would. idk, i'm very much a proponent of it's your blog you can post what you want, but at a certain point people would benefit from thinking twice before pulling everyone else down into their misery

#answered

29 notes · View notes

mari-lair · 1 year ago

Note

Idk of u read the new chapter yet BUT these two panels look ODDLY similar...do u think teru and natsuhiko have similar powers or something?

I have a theory that is very out there, but since you asked my opinion...

Not only do I think there is similarity to their powers, I would go as far as to say Natsuhiko is part exorcist.

Exorcist blood has always been special. We see Teru open a gate between boundaries in chapter 70, and Yorimitsu used his blood to make a contract with No.6, so their blood has influence over the supernatural.

Natsuhiko is treated as a normal student, a living being: Everyone in Nene’s class can see him, he is part of class 2-D, and acts as if participating in the school festival is normal, unlike Sakura.

There is also this official art of him with a sword, which so far in the manga only exorcists have 'weapons'.

Natsuhiko does not exorcise supernaturals though, he lives with them, many of his quirks making him seem inhuman. And I personally don't think exorcists are fully human, they must have some supernatural blood in their lineage, some deep connection.

Minamotos are inclined to like supernaturals despite being tasked to eliminate them. Hanako is basically the personification of supernaturals to Kou but the young exorcist overall sees him as a friend, Tiara got attached to a Mokke, and even Yorimitsu, who had heavily implied there is something wrong with his emotional attachment, took a liking to No.6. He stayed with the demon on his death bed.

Humans also don’t have fangs, no matter how dramatic the manga paneling can get, only supernaturals and the Minamotos have fangs.

Exorcists can eat monster's body parts without needing to make a contract, so while they have spiritual energy that is destructive to supernaturals, and resistance to their power, their body doesn't reject supernaturals and their influence.

Exorcists are built to give a lot of damage to supernaturals and protect humans, it is heavily implied their spiritual energy can’t hurt humans, but who can they hurt? Half humans, and themselves.

And Natsuhiko’s blood hurt supernaturals, not humans. Possibly himself too, since it is the first time he actually commented on how it's 'painful' to do this despite being thrown in deadly and hurtful situations a lot. (tho it could just be pain from the cut, I still find it strange he comments it's painful.)

He is influenced by rumors which is a supernatural trait, not a human one, and Minamotos are not affected by rumors.

...Or are they?

Since i’m already going wild, i’ll throw another out of pocket theory here: Teru does gain powers by rumor, that’s where his astronomical popularity comes from.

The other character we are told to be ‘the peak of beauty’ in this manga is Aoi, who was unnaturally beautiful since young, and attracted attention even as a toddler. While Teru seems isolated, not just from an ‘I'm not normal’ perspective.

But he got a popularity jump so big at some point that both boys and girls are interested, able to loudly proclaim their love, his beauty is so amazing it overshadows Aoi's, to the point, someone suggested they made a Teru pavilion. A pavilion that has a BIG line.

His beauty is the first thing we learn about Teru: His introduction is as a ‘handsome and dreamy boy’, not as an exorcist or any of his main traits, because that’s what Nene, and most of the school, sees him as.

Such hypnotizing beauty mysteriously disappears outside school. He has no fans or stalkers on the streets, and absolutely no one that isn’t from school ever comments on his beauty. Which is not the case with Aoi.

I know people have always been more respectful to Teru than to Aoi (misogyny is a bitch) but this is not just a change of approach caused by respect, Teru has no admirers at all in the city. Aoi is beautiful outside school too, people can’t help but stare and want her, it is a genuine problem she always had, but Teru, who should make everyone swoon regardless of gender or how weird he acts, is not worth even passing comments, he is treated as a normal guy outside school. A pretty boy, sure, but nothing special.

#i am not even going to lie i just went insane #i hope you don't mind #tbhk #toilet bound hanako kun #tbhk 104 #jshk104 #tbhk spoilers #tbhk manga spoilers #minamoto teru #hyuuga natsuhiko #This is half actual analysis half conspiracy theory levels of 'but what if-'#tbhk theory #theory

149 notes · View notes

lemotmo · 4 months ago

Note

The other side of their fandom coin. Some of them clearly do understand what's going on. Multiple questions again

Q. I have never been a part of a fandom that was called out directly by the head of a show. I'm very embarrassed to have followed so many of those blogs. And I think you're correct. I think we sunk our own ship.

Q. I feel very stupid after watching Tim's interview. I got so caught up in everyone screaming at me that Tommy was temporary and if we didn't demand more from the show we weren't going to get more of him. I never participated in the Oliver and Ryan hate but I'm very embarrassed today.

Q. I am filled with genuine embarrassment after watching that interview today. That did not sound like a man with any interest at all in continuing with a ship that he seems to believe brought so much meanness into his show. Although I did not personally participate in any of the hate comments being sent I did follow blogs that were actively participating in it. I had no idea it got bad enough to draw Tim's attention. I'm mortified.

A. People being excited over a new ship was never the problem. We have been waiting a long time for canon queer Buck or Eddie. People were bound to go overboard. The problem was how quickly some of those people completely lost all concept of reality, and demanded complete and total legacance to their new found toy. It was bizarre. I have spent more time than I care to admit trying to figure out what the hell happened, and the thing that happened was they believed they were actually friends with Lou. I sound like a broken record when it comes to the cameo videos, but they're one hundred percent the reason we are where we are today. I will give him the benefit of the doubt that he started doing them with good intentions. Fine. He realized he had amassed a little online fandom and he wanted to indulge in that attention for a bit. The problem was it became pretty clear fairly quickly that these were not structured interactions in any way, and he was just saying whatever popped into his head at the time. He lacks the ability to self edit and it became a problem almost immediately.

In his first couple of videos he gave out episode spoilers. He also told his 1200 viewers (yes that tiny viewing number sprouted all of the ugliness we are now seeing) that Tommy ended up with Buck because Ryan wasn't comfortable. Something he knew was bullshit. Whether he knew the actual reason or not he knew it had nothing to do with Ryan. The storyline was conceptualized, story boarded, at least partially written by that point, and approved for Eddie, meaning Ryan was fully aware and clearly on board. Then as the production date drew closer the actress who played Natalia, Buck's girlfriend, suddenly became unavailable, she got a part in a play. While the actress who played Marisol was still available. Tim and the show needed the Tommy plot for the larger plot his character was to be involved in so instead of scraping the mini plot they swapped Eddie for Buck. That's it, and Tim, thanks to Lou's video, had to confirm this. Lou never needed to add his made up version of events and it was alarming that he so casually did. What that video also did though was basically confirm Buddie. Because if the Tommy character was just about confirming queer Eddie it wouldn't have mattered that the actress playing Buck's girlfriend was the one who became unavailable. It should have had nothing at all to do with Buck. He did all of that in the first couple of videos. Tim and ABC should have pulled the plug right then. But at the time they were probably still in the 'all press is good press ' bubble and they looked the other way.

Then he started getting actual ship theories and basically told the fans who paid to submit them whatever it was they wanted him to say. Things went downhill rapidly from that point. He could have stopped it at any time. He could have filmed a simple Instagram video, Cameo video (since he liked the money part) or tweet saying things were getting out of hand and he would appreciate it if people would calm down a bit. Instead he upped the cost of buying a video. That was his response when they turned on Oliver, to increase the cost of talking to him. It was never about his 'fans'. He didn't give a shit about anything other than the fact that they were paying him. But they saw it as a genuine connection to him and everyone else became the enemy. Even when he ended any and all forms of communication, once he was no longer allowed to profit off of them, his little army blamed everyone else for bullying him. Which was crazy to see given what they were putting the cast, crew, and many fans through on a daily basis. You don't have to be embarrassed because you liked the ship, such as it was, but the behavior of many in your fandom should be embarrassing to you, so it's good that it's bothering you. That means you recognize the reality and can change how you choose to participate in it 💗

All right, another interesting post made by our anonymous OP. It gives us a nice timeline of where things started going wrong.

I'm sure that many of the more casual BT fans were just happily shipping their ship and didn't really know what was going on behind the scenes of those big BT blogs that spread the hatred.

It's a certain subset of the BT fandom that did this (and is still doing this). A group of big BT blogs that went too far. They bullied and threatened cast and crew. They posted Tim's DM messages to bludgeon other fans, as Tim put it. It's crazy behaviour to do all this over a damn TV-show. It's fictional people in a fictional world. But as soon as you bring this mess to real people in the real world? Yeah, you cross a line. And once you cross that line, there is no way back. Because in the real world actions have consequences.

Anyway, onwards to better I suppose. *crosses fingers*

Heads up! For anyone who is giving me the shifty eyes for reposting these anon OP updates instead of reblogging. Don't get mad at me. There is a reason for it and it's all done with consent from the OP. You can find out more about that here.

Remember, no hate in comments or reblogs. Let's keep it civil and respectful. Thank you.

If you are interested in more of the anonymous OP’s posts, you can find all of their posts so far under the tag: anonymous blog I love.

#anonymous blog I love #insight into 911 fandom & season 7 and 8 #BT fandom #Tim Minear interview #nonnies galore

46 notes · View notes

jasmancer · 1 year ago

Note

I've never watched twin peaks but I'm really curious about your feminist reasons for not watching it if you'd care to share them.

Oh absolutely! it basically boils down to the whole Beautiful Dead White Girl trope being CENTRAL around the plot, and also the story having this weird loophole avoidance of the reality of a lot of cases like hers, which is that sexual violence is often perpetrated by friends and family. Of course, real cases also don't have wonky supernatural elements and purgatory and shit but I digress.

Laura Palmer has become a sort of patron saint of Beautiful Dead White Girls, especially when it comes to true crime (which is a whole different genre I have huge problems with but we can save that for another time.) Anyone who's familiar with Twin Peaks can tell you that Laura's absence is more of a character than Laura herself, and thats kind of the point. Audiences love women when they can't speak for themselves, when they're a dead and gone idea that can't object to voyeurism around the tragedy of their lives. They especially love white women with these circumstances because it plays into the hapless victim in need of protection trope which is like, instrumental in white supremacist narratives.

Like as a woman of color who lived in a majority black area, black and brown girls, and poor girls in general are far and away the most frequent victims of shit like this. Not to get too into it but there was a period during my high school career that there was genuinely a girl that got kidnapped walking home and no adults did shit. No warnings at the bell, no discussions with the girls at our school about safety, no acknowledgement that one of our classmates disappeared, nothing. I couldn't sleep for weeks. We had to like, stick together and look out for each other and it was awful and terrifying and it felt like nobody fucking cared.

But that's not the narrative people like. They ignore that shit when it happens to us, which is why it happens to us so much more. Nobody pays attention. We're not salacious and consumable like if it happened to a pretty rich white girl. And even then, why is the brutalization of those women so appealing that it's an entire genre?

It's so funny because I do also have a fascination with Laura Palmer as a cultural figure. She's such a poster girl of Haunting The Narrative that she's fully escaped the narrative and haunts reality. She's a frequent comparison in a lot of tragic real life cases, whether it's a shallow reference or an apt and thoughtful comment on how a victim's life is more complicated than people want to acknowledge.

I really don't want to engage in a narrative like that any further than I've been forced to by cultural osmosis. Even if it's a well crafted story, it's not one that I'm interested in because it has really strengthened a lot of tropes and cultural convictions that aren't only exhausting, but often directly harmful to real victims and their surviving families. Fuck Twin Peaks by Bikini Kill.mp3

Anyway, a lot of my thoughts about this are really well articulated in the book Dead Girls by Alice Bolin, which I HIGHLY recommend I'm obsessed with it. She has a really interesting dissection of how differently Americans approach mystery stories, fiction or nonfiction, and the sort of psychosexual aspects of how Dead Girl stories are told.

#thanks for the ask!#greggslife #ask #it speaks

61 notes · View notes

yurious-george · 6 months ago

Text

4'33'', by John Cage, is commonly remembered as 4 and a half minutes of silence. But contrary to popular belief, the song is not actually meant to be the sound of silence, but the sound of quiet. Ambient noises contribute to - and consist of - the performance. True silence does not exist. If one tilts their head right, the whole world sings. and, with that said, a playlist.

yeah, this one's a doozy. hi, cubewatermelon and co. miss me?

rhetorical question. don't answer that.

A few nitty-gritty things out of the way, first. this is specifically intended for the 2018 mod team for the sleepless domain fans discord server, primarily cubewatermelon/mary cagle. Folks who knew me are welcome to look on, but I'm not going to do much to catch people up to speed. hi, everyone! hope you're well!

I also might be a bit disjointed or biased in my recollection. For reasons that will be made clear extremely soon, I can't put my childhood on a linear timeline. I can only express myself, and hope I don't mess it up horribly this time.

Noooowww to the big stuff. re: stalking; i genuinely didn't mean to stalk anyone, and when they told me to back off, i backed off. I am not willing to discuss this further. not being able to conceptualize other people's emotions or the consequences of my actions has caused some problems for me

that's an autism thing btw. im autistic i dont think i told anyone that

And now, the special guest you've all been waiting for: a big round of applause for the elephant in the room! In accordance with the WMA Declaration of Tokyo, the deliberate overprescription of psychotropic medication is a form of pharmacological torture. Most victims of pharmacological torture and experimentation are children, because it is nigh-impossible to sue for brain damage when there is no fully-formed adult brain for comparison prior to the abuse.

Torture is a strong word, but I don't have another word to use. psychiatric abuse usually describes mistreatment in psychiatric wards; pharmacological abuse describes a patient who takes advantage of a prescription; medical abuse is when a doctor (usually physically) abuses their patient. Being able to understand what happened to you is a form of agency, and I don't even have the words. I identify as a torture victim; this may change.

This high dose was precedented and legal, but the vaginal stretching of intersex infants is also legal. much involuntary psychiatric & psychotropic treatment (such as restraints and solitary confinement) are legal, and child marriage is legal. abuse is not abnormal: it is profoundly normal. Because something is normal, legal, and precedented does not prevent it from being torture.

and when your mother hands you a poison apple and says "here, eat this; it will be good for you; i hope someday you'll forgive me" you have to eat it, because you are eight years old and you don't get to argue with your mother. despite all this, I don't blame my aunt for refilling the high dose. when I said the dose was hurting me, she listened. (thank you, auntie. i wouldn't have gotten out without you.)

And this brings us to you. oh, you four. (five? i forget myself!)

I'd like to establish some context. I was used to things getting taken from me. friend groups in particular: I didn't expect to keep any friends, because I constantly expected to have to pack up and move on. I moved a lot in my childhood, and in Africa, i was constantly told that at some undetermined point in the near future, i'd have to go back to the states. living with my aunt was a temporary thing, i was expected to eventually move back in with my parents at some undetermined point in the future. I relied heavily on online friends because they were people I could have anywhere, so online communities were my only lifeline - not to mention, i was basically in solitary confinement while in Kenya.

Most of all, I was terrified of my mental health/actions being exposed, examined, found lacking, and ultimately excluded. (this is why i was so afraid of psychiatric wards.) When you decided something had to be done about me - cutting me off from the server so i had to speak with you - It was either comply with your demands to communicate (which I could not, and did not understand why) or lose the community. I was so, so afraid of you i wanted to die when you all confronted me, and of course i couldn't say that, because only manipulative people would say "your attempt to solve this problem makes me want to seriously hurt myself."

But then I got called manipulative anyway <3 yay <3

Seriously: I wasn't trying to manipulate anyone, and i have no idea how you can manipulate someone without intention. (ah, that felt good to say!) Between medication spellbinding, alexithymia, and prior abuse, all my thoughts were so disordered i genuinely couldn't explain myself most of the time. Looking back, I have no childhood memory where I was fully lucid. I leaned into a manic persona because it was the only way I had any agency at all. I was something beyond both reason and self-recognition, and I willingly tried to brute-force my way through an extreme trauma response to please you. And you still hit me with my worst nightmare. that's why i was mad at you lol

I was so, so afraid, all the time, and I didn't even have the tools to understand I was afraid. How could someone as confident and impulsive as me be so fearful all the time? Was that manic persona freedom? Or was it a longer leash?

(Forgive my impulse toward rhetoric. I shouldn't ask questions you can't answer.)

I also couldn't say how badly i was hurting, because that would be venting, but you also accused me of venting when I was just talking about my day? or what was on my mind? I didn't understand that very well. autism moment, don't bother explaining it now. I also couldn't burden people with my actual mental health problems, because making strangers deal with that would be toxic! I resent you for setting up a system where it seemed safest not to speak and then punishing me for my inability to communicate. I resent every system that set me up for failure and punished me for failing, including yours.

And yet - I know that was not your intent! I can see in retrospect how hard you tried to be kind using the tools you had. The people with power over me, who genuinely did not want to do me harm and gave me multiple second chances, still upheld and facilitated the systems that tortured me; a miniature parody of the psychiatric system. (talk therapy and communication are useless if you struggle with self-awareness.) The same is true for the source: No person in my psychiatric treatment wanted me to suffer, and yet, here I am: a torture victim without a torturer. (except my parents, sort of.)

The logical conclusion, then: the system only intends to heal those who are already compliant, or prioritize compliance. The rest of us are treated to induce compliance, and if we still cannot, we are sequestered away. My medicine made me sick, and my prescribers made money off of keeping me sick - off of my torture. This is not a conspiracy: it is my lived experience.

However, even if i could communicate perfectly, we still would have had massive communication issues. Like - you know that one page where ben and steffi talk about dating, and ben says he thought steffi was gay? and steffi gets super defensive and it escalates into a screaming fight? I found that offensive, because a character getting that offput by the concept of not liking men (or a man) is kind of lesbophobic! But I understood that it would be a pain to redraw/write the page so they they fight about something else, don't fight, or some other solution, so i didn't need it to be fixed - just wanted to point out that was a reasonable interpretation, and one to be aware of in the future. but somehow my concerns got interpreted as a phrasing issue…? like, Ms. Cagle rewrote the page to say "weren't into guys" instead of "gay"..? You were very polite about it, Ms! But I found this interaction so baffling I didn't even try to correct it. that… wasn't what i said…

frankly we should bring back mildly homophobic steffi. twas narratively appropriate (<- different essay for a different time)

but yeah the whole communication operation was doomed from the start. rip!

The issue was always my inability to communicate, but my meds made it nigh-impossible to understand what I was feeling, and when I did, expressing myself could get me institutionalized. My suffering was inevitable but always, somehow, my fault. Awesome! *disintegrates into a pile of sand*

I cannot deny I was a girl like a box of matches waiting to be struck. You had no choice but to do as you did. But is it really what you ought to have done? (On this, I have no answer. I hope you have one that satisfies you.)

(that was genuine, by the by. i've spent a lot of time pondering this mess, and I still haven't found the "right" answer. I don't think there is one - though action or inaction, there is no version of this story where I don't suffer. I can only hope it was worth it. wait, hold on *adds the omelas child to my Kin List*)

Nor can I deny making my previous open letter in a small attempt to 'get back' at you - i'm not above that. lord knows i'm not innocent. but i really was trying to channel that rage into something productive. unfortunately i was doomed to fail because i didn't know what i meant. if you showed me that letter now, you'd hear a lot of "what? I don't know why I said that" "i have no idea why i would complain about something so minor" etc. You can disregard all that. This is what I was trying to say. the obsession, the trauma, the projection: all of it. So much of my obsession was talking around an issue i couldn't identify.

(meguka image) I know now

I knew I would be traumatized by this whole situation. I saw it coming and i could do nothing to stop it. But Gear was crucial to deciphering all this - in fact, suddenly thinking about her last year prompted me to really dissect my medical situation and realize i was tortured. I couldn't have done it without her. cassie & maggie, against the world.

Gear scans surprisingly well as a victim of long-term torture, actually. I don't think you meant to do that but good job!

speaking of her - i still don't think she's consistently suicidal. she's a real cockroach of a character, and I love her for it! But sometimes, i want to die and i want to live mean the same thing, because they both mean i need to get out of here. Imo, her thought processes and desires frequently contradict themselves, like mine did. and making your favs kill themselves in increasingly gruesome ways is really fun catharsis!

But please don't take this to mean I consider myself - or Gear - blameless. I love her because she's not blameless, because she's cruel for fun, because she'd rather be wicked than helpless. Like knows like. What I mean to say is, as of 2018, there is a black space between little Margret and Gear, and I saw all the signs of something very, very bad happening in that space. I know because I shared that space. what I mean to say is, teenage girls don't go out of their minds over nothing. Everything I made here is just an expression of what I heard in the narrative's silences.

and thus my biggest apprehension around revisiting the comic. knowing the author and I have such fundamentally different experiences with mental health - what if the signs of torture i picked up on weren't intended, or i completely made them up? what if, in the parts i haven't read yet, there's information that uproots my entire interpretation, or berates her for refusing mental health services that hurt me profoundly? how do you reconcile that a character so crucial to deciphering yourself may not be anything like you at all? I Don't Know. Shitpost, probably

You're welcome to share those shitposts and whatnot by the way. Creating this let me put down years of hurt, and i hope it relieves you, too. I don't need to go back on the server, or forgiveness, or anything besides understanding. consider this a peace offering. the terms are yours.

Despite writing nearly 10k words, I still probably missed something or was callous or whatever. Self-expression and self-understanding are… new to me. My apology may be understated, but please take it as I meant it, with utmost sincerity. My askbox is open, and I'm more than happy to discuss antipsych resources, KB, What The Hell Is Wrong With Gear, artistic choices made in this comic, etc. I'm even down to reconnect on discord! Maybe. Uh, I'm conflicted. I reserve my right to not want to talk, be slow in responding, and so on, as should you. we've no obligations and all the time in the world. Let neither of us hurt ourselves in meeting because it's the "right" thing to do. I'm not blaming anyone or trying to start drama. If it would give you the most peace of mind to completely ignore this, please do so.

or, translated: as of right now, I'm not ready for any information about KB after steffi reunites with her dad, or difficult emotional reunions. I would really like to hear from everyone, and I'd appreciate casual well-wishes. I don't want things to be the same, I want them to be peaceful. Baby steps, cassie, baby steps. (very large and fearful prey animal tries not to run into oncoming traffic)

mostly, making this was for me. Perhaps I've said too much, but after spending so long unable to express myself freely, my art was cathartic and necessary. I'm no one's martyr or innocent, I'm just a torture victim trying to make sense of it all. I want to articulate some thoughts I couldn't figure out how to say before and make some silly things that make people laugh. Most of all, I'm happy in ways I never thought I could be, and I would like to share that joy with old acquaintances and other fans of a story I adored.

What I mean to say is: The train's about to leave the station, and there's an empty seat beside me. The train will still leave whether or not you board; but I would be honored not to go it alone!

Thank you to everyone who stuck by me even after the drama. Ethel, Felipe, Chris - even though we've fallen out of contact, your kindness and patience meant more than i can say. special thank you to @stars-in-a-jam-jar, the first person i confessed everything to after the smoke cleared, and someone i consider myself close with no matter how long we fall out of contact. My close online friends, @shafpanda, @theoandmoon, @dvanaestmrva, my honorary cousin @my-name-is-jimmy, and everyone else I confided in about my torture. and, of course, my partners @transloo and @teenyjellyfishy, and my little sibling, @aroacenezhaanddainsleif, the three people I love most in the world. Thank you, all. it is an honor to love you, and be loved by you.

#kiwi blitz #there's a lot more we could discuss. this barely scratched the surface #i didn't even MENTION barry and he's so important!#for now I'll just say: pain obfuscates everything outside of yourself #i still can't really conceptualize how yall feel about my actions other than 'probably bad?'#so i decided it was in the best taste to simply speak for myself #rather than put words in your mouth #i hope that's the right choice #it's funny. i thought i'd be angrier.#now there's just hope where my rage should be. how'd that happen?#torture tw #child torture tw #gore tw #medical abuse tw #psychiatric abuse tw #suicide tw #death tw #blood tw #abuse tw #parental abuse tw #child abuse tw #suicidal ideation tw #uhhh there's more probably. quite the laundry list here #also! you would express romantic attraction really strangely too #(as a severely undersocialized & completely manic lesbian teenager)#if you knew what happened to david kato.#not saying i was right obv. just saying.#ok back to never speaking of that again #this is cassandra

21 notes · View notes

legalownerofufoemoji · 6 months ago

Text

Hi I'm unwell. Another long post probably, thank you @es46 for giving me an idea !! click readmore for accidental aroace rants plus some silly shenanigans (the aroace rants happened on accident my bad)

So I one million percent agree that Ingo and Emmet would probably clock Elesas crush right away, even if they are aroace themselves, they see Elesa as a sister basically and know how she is (useless lesbian (she is bisexual w/ a woman leaning preference)) I definitely think of them as a trio who grew up together so they probably watched her go through her awkward teen years getting crushes on every pretty woman who was nice to her, but Skyla is a different situation obviously so they mutually agree to come at it from a different angle this time, much to Elesas dismay

I think Emmet would be super direct about it but think he's being slick because he isn't SAYING what he really means, right? But saying "I am asking for no reason in particular if you are single and also into women :>" and then dropping a "thank you for answering my random question that has no ulterior motive!" and Skyla would be like . Uh huh. Okay . (I don't know her personality SUPER well but I know she and the twins have slight beef over the more superior form of transportation planes v trains)

Emmet would also definitely try to be a "just go for it why are you so scared??" kinda guy because his concept of romance is heavily based on how he's seen it in media, but he hates watching it so it's really only the stuff he can't avoid? So hes like "obviously most relationship drama comes from not confessing so just get that part over with before it causes an issue" and doesn't ENTIRELY understand the nuance of being scared of rejection even if the other person seems interested (as well as adding on the sapphic problem of "is she flirting or just Really Friendly?")

I think Ingo is a little (lot) more empathetic than Emmet, not on purpose I just think Emmet genuinely lacks empathy and forgets to make up for it with sympathy at times, Elesa doesn't take it personally, but Ingo is absolutely a little more in tune to a social situation being stressful

Ingo, though, is also painfully aroace and his concept of love and romance is less whst you see in (straight) media and moreso in how he's defined it personally as somebody whose never felt it . He imagines it feels different from how he cares about Elesa, but she has to explain it's not that easy to really differentiate, because to love somebody you also usually love them a lot platonically as well as romantically. And that would absolutely perplex him just a smidge, because he sees love as this unreachable thing for him that's so distinct from everything else when it's really not. People just hype it up so much because of how it feels in the moment, but in reality it's actually rather difficult to define and Ingo thrives off precise definition.

He would encourage her to go for it, maybe a bit too obviously at times (no Ingo, deciding to loudly exclaim that you and your brother have somewhere to be, conveniently leaving Elesa alone with Skyla is not slick as you think it is!)

Ingo and Emmet would also absolutely try to set aside whatever feelings they have on Skyla and fully support Elesa in her relationship until the 4 actually managed to start getting along naturally, which happens eventually, it just takes time because the twins are very stubborn

It would absolutely lead to scenarios though where the twins are just a bit too pushy out of love and Elesa would probably have to tell them to back off, because romance is finicky and you have to let it happen naturally or else things get janky. I don't think they would fully get it until put into a train metaphor though

"If you try and run a train before the tracks fully built, or the engine is installed properly, even if it goes somewhere for a little while it likely won't reach it's destination" and they both go ohhhh.

Honestly I think that metaphor Ingo would come up with on the spot in an attempt to relate or process what Elesa is trying to explain, and then once they hear it everything clicks much better and they back off from trying to "speed things up", though in true assholeish brother-y nature, they have to bully her juuuust a little bit (Emmet going "WOW ELESA your face sure is red, is it too hot in here? Maybe you and Skyla should step outside for some fresh air :>" and Elesa making a strangling motion with her hands while Ingo is fighting off a laugh.

I do think that it would earn some laughs once Skyla and Elesa are actually together, and Skyla would probably have to drop the fact that she was painfully aware of the brothers attempts to push them together, much to Elesas horror

#satt speaks #submas headcannons #yeah I'm definitely unwell about them aren't I?#damn ok .#long post #fucking poast . got damn #submas

19 notes · View notes

mbti-notes · 7 days ago

Text

Anon wrote: Hello I'm ENFP 29 yo. I have ISFJ old age mother, she suffered a longtime loop and gripping especially when I married and out from home. She even blamed everything and consider herself as rightful in family. My brothers and me also being her object to be blamed cause she lost her control to us especially me who escaped from her control.

My brothers and I tried to make her comfortable with her life but she is still focus on her past and when she regrets with her decision in the past then she throw to us. sometimes she even dig it up our mistakes, so she thinks she do it right and we are problem to her. She loves money or material than us her children. Today she told me to pick other guy than my husband cause she think it's better for me than my choice, and I really upset with her. I tried to make everything well but she destroy it with one second.

Neighbors also afraid with her and suggested me to take her to psychiatry but she will refuse. I confuse to handle her and our relationship is broken cause I can't handle her for a long time. Can you give me a suggestions for handle her loop and grip, thank you

--------------------

You say you have "escaped from her control" but that doesn't sound true at all. Physically leaving home allows you to avoid direct conflict but it doesn't mean you are free from control psychologically. Dealing with overbearing/controlling parents isn't easy because children aren't fully aware of the many ways they are being controlled, even when they become adults.

Many people struggle for years until they reach a boiling point. When you're at boiling point, it means your mind has been or is about to be overcome by destructive emotions such as anger, hate, or rage, and then you can no longer think straight. The strategies people choose at this point reflect their lack of rationality.

For example, some people throw up their hands and stop caring. They might even act out angrily with no remorse, believing that they are entitled to "be free" after so many years of being pushed down. But how does this turn out in the end? Everything is likely to crash and burn. While ending the relationship is a serious possibility to consider for the sake of your well-being, do you really want to do it by burning every bridge? Most importantly, do you want to become the kind of person you hate, violent and shameless? At that point, you are still under the control of the parent because they still hold the power to bring out your worst self.

Another strategy people might choose is to stand up to the aggressor and fight fire with fire, so every interaction becomes a fight to shut each other up. But how does this turn out in the end? By meeting people's control with an attempt to control them in return, you create a never-ending power struggle. The harder you oppress people, the greater the force with which they will retaliate at the first opportunity. A relationship that is characterized by constant oppression and battling for supremacy isn't healthy. What's worse, you are still under the control of the parent because they have basically turned you into them, compelling you to react to everything they do.

What many people don't understand is that words are just sounds, so they don't have power until you grant them power through the meanings you attach to them. For example, there are a lot of people out there who use vulgar or bigoted language not because they truly believe what they say but because antisocial behavior is the only way they can get the attention they crave. By giving them the reaction they seek to trigger, you actually fuel their antisocial behavior, because you're teaching them that they have the power to control your attention and emotions.

When other people have the power to control you with mere words, what it really means is that you haven't drawn proper boundaries between self and others. Genuine question: Do you believe that each person has a right to their own opinion? You don't like people telling you what to think and feel, do you? If you want to think, feel, and speak freely, then you must grant the freedom to others as well, otherwise, you become a hypocrite. Why should anyone take a hypocrite seriously?

Of course, uttering threats of physical violence are a different story, but it doesn't sound like your mother is threatening your life. She is simply expressing her opinions, though they are toxic ones. Why do you approach your mother with the attitude that she doesn't have a right to her opinion? At the end of the day, it is probably because you still have the mentality of a child. You treat "mother" as an object from which you can obtain approval. You think you're a "free" person but your bondage is immediately revealed as soon as your mother utters an unkind word. Her words upset you because you have granted her the power to appraise you.

I said last week that "the need for approval is the chain through which abusive parents keep their children shackled". If you really want to be a free person, then you must learn how to be an independent person, meaning: 1) you can stand on your own without having to depend on others for self-worth, and 2) you are secure enough in your own existence that you can accept other people being different from you.

This brings us to another aspect of the problem that requires special attention for ENFPs. NFs are idealists, so they often visualize how the world could be more ideal. On one hand, this grants them the power to push for improvement and progress. On the other hand, this can lead them into many rude awakenings when they are constantly faced with the reality that humans aren't perfect.

You will have a very difficult time accepting the truth about your mother as long as you keep harboring hope that she can one day magically become the mom of your dreams. Yes, we all hope for kind and loving parents, but the reality is that unkind people also procreate. If you are unlucky enough to be born to unkind parents, it is best to accept the reality of who they are, rather than keep expecting reality to be otherwise and setting yourself up for constant heartbreak.

It is much easier to accept reality when you finally grow up and understand that who your parents are doesn't have to bear any relation to who you are. You get to choose what kind of person to be, so are you going to exercise that choice? It is quite possible to be a good person and do your duty of care without getting emotionally enmeshed. Doctors and nurses do it every day.

Everyone has opinions. So what? Do those opinions have to influence you? No. Do you have to believe in them? No. Do you have to let them ruin your day? No. But they will continue to influence you, trigger you, and ruin your day as long as you haven't set healthy boundaries, as long as you walk around with the unrealistic expectation that everyone should be just like you, think/feel as you do, or agree with your every value.

Of course, depending on how severe the wounds of abuse are, some people simply don't have the strength or skill to draw healthy boundaries with abusive parents. If that's the case, there's no shame in keeping your distance or severing the relationship. Abusive parents have taken too much already, so you don't owe them anything. It's important to be honest and realistic about your own capabilities. Perhaps one day, if you work on yourself and work on building healthy boundaries, you will have the emotional fortitude to handle harsh criticism and verbal abuse without getting hurt. But until then, protecting yourself from harm should be the main priority.

#enfp #parent child relationship #abuse #criticism #boundaries #acceptance #conflict #ask

8 notes · View notes

paperlunamoth · 1 year ago

Text

I feel like the "no one owes anyone anything and no one is morally obligated to do anything for anyone or be considerate or help anyone and we're all just a bunch of animals who can't be expected to do anything other than ensure our own survival and people expecting anything from one another is childish and cringe" attitude is explicitly anti-human tbh.

Like this is full fledged misanthropy and apathy covered up with an edgy "fuck yeah, fuck everyone, I'm a strong independent lone wolf" attitude. The fact that it is presented as the "mature" alternative to "entitlement" (read: the view that people should look out for each other and that people deserve things) is especially wild. Like, no, thinking that if other people take issue with your behavior then that's a "them problem" is not mature or based. Neither is thinking food, shelter, or medical care are not human rights. Neither is deliberately upsetting people you don't like just to upset them. Neither is turning away people in need, who you are fully able to help at little cost to yourself, because you don't feel like it. Neither is trying to justify any form of morally dropping the ball with "I don't owe" when what you really mean is simply "I'd rather not."

You believe that people don't have any ethical obligations to one another beyond the most basic, "don't rape or murder" level tenets because you're a selfish and self-centered person who doesn't want to take responsibility for how their choices impact other people and doesn't want to live in a genuinely pro-social world, not because you're a strong willed stoic survivor who's earned the right to be a selfish ass because you've worked hard for it or something. Your ilk are the people who fuck in public restroom stalls, who blast music on the bus with no headphones, who ghost friends because they bore you, who leave garbage on the floor because "someone else will get it," who refuse to assist anyone whose needs are remotely inconvenient, who express profound glee in response to "offending" (read: bullying) others. You view any and all altruistic acts performed by yourself or others, no matter how small, insignificant, and/or effortless, as gracious charity, as going above and beyond, something exceptional that recipients should be infinitely grateful for, because, of course, said recipients are owed nothing, deserve nothing, and are not entitled to kindness from anyone. You do not see everyday altruism as the basic moral duty that it is, as the backbone of healthy human interaction, something to be expected, equally as unworthy of special praise or recognition as abstaining from rape or murder. Your world is aggressive, selfish, cold, petty, individualistic and small, and yet you claim there is nothing wrong with it, that it is a good world, that anyone who objects to it is simply inferior to you in some way, too weak, too infantile, too, without any recognition of the irony, selfish. And that makes sense, in a way. Why would you see such a world as bad when you share so much in common with it?

#rant #ramble #venting #misanthropy #altruism #humanism #morality #entitlement #conservativism #leftism #like normally I associate this kind of thinking with hardcore conservatives #but lately I've been seeing it getting more popular on the left #and it's genuinely frightening because this the kind of thinking is deeply damaging to society #luna's

96 notes · View notes

iicheeze · 2 years ago

Text

Notice Me, Senpai!

Chapter 1 : The Beginning of the End

Yandere Genshin Impact X Gender Neutral Reader YANDERE SIM AU

Notice Me, Senpai Series Masterlist

A Harsh Breeze (Mondstadt Ver. ) — Act 1

The Golden Twins were always an infamous name. They were infamous for being ‘ kind ’ and ‘ helpful ’. They have solved many problems like a breeze. And many people thanked them for that. Of course, at first, they felt good after hearing a simple thank you. After all, they're willing to help for a reason.

But as more and more ‘ helpful ’ they became, they can't help but loathe the word ‘ Thank you ’ now. Many people basically forced them to help them with their problems. Saying all kinds of stuff to make them help.

“ But you helped Amber! Do you have favoritism?! ” “ But it's an easy one for you! Do you seriously think you're that great to not help anyone anymore?! ” “ Please! I beg of you! If my problem ends up getting bigger, I'll put the blame on you!! ”

Now they just help people solely because they were forced to. The warm feeling they always get after helping them ends up cold and harsh. It's warm, bright aura they have now turned into a rejecting, insufferable one.

They can't help but feel hate. They despise people. All they do is exploit others for their own needs. Their big, accepting heart turned into a hard, small stone. They can't help but feel empty on the inside. No matter what they do. They just feel as if someone has taken what they used to feel.

That was until they met you.

They were just talking to each other, too caught up in their conversation. Until they turned to a corner and Lumine's head bumped into yours, falling back, causing Aether to fall back as well.

They both fell, their bottoms meeting the hard floor. They weren't expecting anything other than the stranger they bumped to to walk away or insult them.

Instead, two hands were offered. The two looked up and saw a bright, warm smile. It's as if looking at a sunflower, loving and beautiful. Turns out, you were caught up in your book as well, yet you put it aside to help both of them up.

“ Are you okay? I'm sorry for not paying attention! ”

Your words were simple, but kind. Your tone shows that you're worried about them and genuinely feels.. sorry.

All of the time, they'd get fake apologies. Knowing fully well that they're not gonna change their behavior when they said to do so.

Yet you didn't. You felt genuine. All of you felt genuine.

When the two took your hands, they felt so full. It's as if they had a beating heart once again. Is this what it feels like? To feel? They've forgotten how it felt as it has been so long. Too long.

They felt warm on the inside, it's as if they had just ate a home-cooked meal by a loving mother. They felt so full of life. It's as if they had an empty stomach for so long they didn't know what it feels like to have a full stomach once more.

The interaction with you had long ended, as you bowed with your book in your hands and left the two alone. Yet their attention was fixated on you, and you alone.

Is this what it feels like? To feel love? If it is, it felt so.. Innocent. So bright. So warm. It felt like they've been wrapped to a blanket filled with nothing but sweetness.

Yet their warm feelings left without saying goodbye. As they saw another woman talking to you.

“ Who is that.. Woman? ”

Lumine muttered, her tone filled with toxic venom.

Why are you talking to that woman? Why is she badmouthing you? Why are you just laughing? Why are you even with her? Is she your friend? What kind of a friend badmouths you? Why? Why? Why?

She doesn't deserve to be with you. Let alone being your friend. She doesn't deserve to stand beside you. She doesn't deserve to even think about you.

“ I'm sorry, Eula. I bumped into two people earlier! I really didn't mean to be late! ”

.. Eula?

Eula Lawrence?

“ Tch, whatever. Just don't be late next time! ”

“ Awh, alright, alright. Just don't yell at me that loud.. ”

Why is she conversing with you like that? Does she really think she has the audacity to order you around?

They can treat you way better. No, they will treat you better. Better than her.

Lumine and Aether knew themselves that taking someones life will burden you for the rest of their lives.

So why do they have the urge to get rid of that vile woman?

They've been kind and patient for so long, it's okay if they're being a little selfish.. Right, Senpai?

Bound Together (Liyue Ver. ) — Act 1

Zhongli had always been a dream man. He was kind, considering, yet also calm, and content. Many has tried to capture his heart, but they always end with the same answer.

“ I'm sorry, but.. I don't feel the same way. ”

It went to the point where he became an ‘Untouchable Dream Man’ , where his behavior is captivating, but his heart is as hard as a stone. An unbreakable, cold stone.

He was in love once. It was when he was in Junior High, he was in love with a woman named Guizhong. She was kind, sweet. But of course, a beautiful flower has to die in the end.

Guizhong had long met her end as a terminal sickness came over her. Leaving nothing but a dying memory. Zhongli himself, mourned for her. But of course, he had moved on. Accepting the fact that she was the only one who could break his stone heart. For she is no more, his heart will be locked for as long as it beats.

At this point.. Can he even call it a heart?

For long, he had moved on. But he can't shake off the feeling that he feels empty. Hollow. As if a part of himself had left without saying goodbye.

But even life finds a way, as a flower can be reborn when a seed from the very same flower had been planted.

He was just taking a stroll around his new high school, trying to find the library. Until an upperclassmen bumped his way into him without paying attention to their way. Spilling their canned soda on his uniform.

“ Oh- Oh my gosh. I'm so so sorry!! I wasn't paying attention. Here! I'll dry it up. Oh gosh, that'll stain, won't it? I'm so sorry.. ”

You kept chanting apologies as if your life depended on it. Seriously, it's just a stain. He can clean it. It's not that much of a problem, really. It's not like that's his only uniform.

Although, he can't help but feel something grow inside him. What is it? He can't tell. Delight? Relief? He doesn't know.

“ N- No, it's quite alright. I can clean it myself. It's not that big of a problem, anyways. ”

Did he just stutter? Was the impact you made that big on him?

“ Yes, but still. Here! Have my handkerchief. My class is going to start soon, and please dry yourself up! Again, I'm really sorry! See you! ”

Oh, so that's why you were in such a hurry. Your class was gonna start soon.

Yet, his heart kept beating so fast, he thought it might pop out of his chest! Did he just feel butterflies in his stomach? Was it something he ate earlier?

He never felt like this. Wait. No.

He has had these feelings before.

ls this what it feels like? To be in love?

It feels so.. nice. So heavenly. So delightful. He can't help but want to make the moment last forever. But he himself knew it's impossible.

It feels like it could last forever, until a... man. Came into the view.

A teal-haired.. boy? He was short. Yet he was so friendly with you. Well, he looked friendly with you.

He was basically screaming at you for being late for class. Surely, you can't be that late. It's not even class time yet for him.

“ Well.. Technically speaking, you're not even at the same year at me, Xiao. So you don't have the right to tell me that I'm late! ”

Xiao?

Isn't that one of his.. friends?

“ Well- still! You're still late!.. ” Hearing that made you chuckle a bit. Oh, how beautiful you sound.

Yet the conversation with you and him made him feel bitter. He can't help but tighten his grip around your handkerchief. As a vein appeared at the side of his forehead.

You can't leave. You can't leave him. Not like this. Not when he can finally feel love once more. Not with another person. You can't go.

He will have you. His stone heart has broken once more, so why are you leaving him? He will not have you leave him. Not again. Not now. Not ever. He doesn't care if he has blood on his hands. He will have you, one way or the other.

Unforgiving Beauty (Inazuma Ver. ) — Act 1

Everyone knows of the Kamisato Clan. As they have made incredible progress in the small town they're in. They were the top of the food chain. As no peers can ever look down on them.

Of course, being in such a clan could result in a harsh, cold outcome.

The youngest daughter of the Kamisato Clan, Kamisato Ayaka, was always kind, gentle, yet elegant and enchanting. Of course, they see her as nothing but that.

The Youngest Daughter of the Kamisato Clan.

The Gentle Sakura of the Kamisato Clan.

The Kind, Loving Kamisato Ayaka from the Kamisato Clan.

No one ever had the courage to actually befriend her other than seeing her as a business partner or just a simple acquaintance. Leaving her alone with her back being burdened with so many things.

All she ever wanted to do was help her older brother, Kamisato Ayato. Yet, she can't help but feel tired. Tired of her life. She has done nothing but work, work, work. Education was never any better. She had always been homeschooled.

That was until her older brother decided to build a High School from the ground up. All designed to please him and his little sister.

Yet even when he did such a thing for Ayaka, which she is very grateful for, she still felt empty. People will still see her in the same light, what's the point of going to a school? Nothing will change.

Until you appeared in her life.

You were so bright, so warm, so considering.

You were the bright, encouraging fire in her cold, snowy world.

She was simply just dancing at the empty rooftop, trying to kill time during break time in-between classes.

Yet, you were there.

And you were captivated by her beautiful, glamorous dance. You couldn't help but clap for her!

“ That was amazing! ”

You haven't had the slightest idea of who the girl might be. But you did nothing about it, as you don't have any care but to embrace the moment.

Whilst Ayaka was trying to process the moment, her face can't help but heat up. Who are you? Did you see her dance? Do you not know who she is?

For the first time in her life, someone doesn't know who she is. And she couldn't even be happier.

They didn't see her as something to use for their own benefits, they didn't see her as someone to respect, they didn't see her as someone you have to be polite around.

You just saw her as equal.

And that is what charmed her.

That interaction had ended. It was supposed to be a small one, anyways. As you left by the sudden bell, indicating that the next class had started. Leaving the girl alone at the rooftop.

But she couldn’t help but think about you. Her mind is basically infested with you. What could she do to impress you once again? What could she do to meet you again? What could she do to finally be of someone’s main attention?

She needs you. She has to have you. You were the only one who could understand her. Who could accompany her. Who could finally set your attention to her. Just her.

So just look at her again, won’t you? Just her. Don’t look at anyone else. You won’t need anyone else with her around.

Bittersweet Aftertaste (Sumeru Ver. ) — Act 1

Everyone knew of the renowned Al-Haitham. He was attractive, intelligent, yet closed off and forward.

He was always known to be the popular boy who has a quite annoying personality, as not a lot of people liked to interact with him, let alone deal with him.

Oh well, it's not like he cares.

He's always liked it alone. People only talk to him when they want something. And he knows of that.

He was just going to the library to borrow some more books, as usual. However, he heard that some new books have been shipped from another country to Teyvat High. Obviously, any normal person who has an interest in books would love to read that for the first time.

As the door slid open, revealing the very same small, yet comforting library. Perfect, just the way he likes it.

He was just about to reach the book, before another hand came into the view and reached for the same book, making both hands touch.

Surprised, he looked to where the hand is coming from. Revealing a person looking at him with the same confused expression.

“ Oh- Sorry! You can have that book. I can just wait for another time. It's not that important to me, anyways! ”

Your voice was angelic, ethereal, he might say. This interaction was so simple, yet cliche. He couldn't help but cringe a little.

Yet those feelings was eradicated with an overpowered feeling of... What is this called?

He felt so full. His hands were shivering quite a bit, he felt heat at his ears, yet he also feels so light, he swore could he fly!

He felt so alive.

But.. This is Illogical! A simple hand touch couldn't have caused all of this.

Maybe it's something he ate?

He watched you leave the library, your uniform swaying by the tiny wind. A smile plastered on your face.

Al-Haitham couldn't help but admire you. Your features. Your hairstyle, the way you style your uniform, how you walk, everything.

Yet those lovely feelings was soon to be gone as he saw another man approaching, stomping their way to you.

“ Where were you?! I was waiting at your classroom, looking like an idiot! ” The short male shouted, while you just sweat dropped.

Who is he?

Why is he so rude to you? Why is he so mean to you? Why is he so cruel to you? And why are you just laughing it off? Why are you smiling at him so lovingly? Why are you even hanging out with him? Why? Why? Why?!

He doesn’t understand. He hates feeling like this, but he can’t help but want more. He’s never felt anything like it. Why does he want you so bad? Why does he want to get rid of anyone that dares to stand next to you? He doesn’t understand.

Yet he knows one thing. He need to get rid of those who dare to stand next to you, let alone talk to you!? He has to. He has to. Only HE is allowed to stand next to you! Only HE is allowed to talk to you! Only HE is allowed to see that beautiful smile of yours. Only HE is allowed to hear your laughs. Him, him, him! Not anyone else! He won’t allow it.

He's always felt that something inside him is missing. Perhaps.. You are his only fulfillment. The only thing that makes him feel like this.

So please, look at him for some more, would you?

A/N: THIS TOOK SO LONG 😭 If there's some mistakes, please tell me!!

#genshin impact #genshin impact x reader #genshin impact x you #genshin impact x gender neutral reader #genshin impact x male reader #genshin impact x female reader #genshin x you #yandere genshin #genshin x male reader #genshin x reader #yandere genshin x female reader #genshin x female reader #yandere simulator #yandere genshin x gender neutral reader #genshin x gender neutral reader #yandere genshin x reader

275 notes · View notes