#yes i get so anxious that my stomach turns to soup whenever i have to do anything even slightly out of the ordinary

[fingertipsmp3]

I love knowingly making bad decisions

[oddinary4bts]

The Forgotten Spaces | ch 4 (jjk)

☆summary: you've been dancing on the same dance crew since your teenage years, and you finally have an important role in it. It feels like life is taunting you when your rival comes back after disappearing for a year, ready to tease you every chance he gets. Will the teasing turn into more, or are you going to take him down with you?

☆pairing: photographer and dancer!Jungkook x dancer!female reader

☆rating: 18+ (minors DNI, there will be mature content in later chapters)

☆genre: slow (SLOW) burn enemies to lovers, college!au, slice of life!au, angst (oop), smut and fluff

☆warnings: nausea, hangover, the park jimin effect, drinking, cursing? a time skip of a month

☆word count: 9.6k

☆a/n: why is posting making me anxious? fun fact, I'm posting from New York City this week! Went to the two first Agust D concerts ayyy

☆a/n pt2: always and forever thankful for @moonleeai and her dedicated work as my beta reader <3

☆series masterpost here

☆Read What Was Hidden here, the fic that inspired this whole story, written by @daechwitatamic, one of my fav human beings on this app <3 It follows the story of Jo and Taehyung before The Forgotten Spaces

☆☆☆☆☆

For this meeting of our end of the world

It's with you that I want to sing

On the threshold of the memories the dead of today

Them that breathe for us

The forgotten spaces

Je t'écris - Gaston Miron (rough translation by me)

☆☆☆☆☆

Saturday, May 19th

                Jungkook feels sick. Sick of everything, but mostly sick because his hungover has kept him in bed all day. He doesn’t even know if he’ll be able to pull up for dance practice later. All he knows is that his room has been spinning whenever he wakes up from naps, and that he fucked up majestically last night.

He doesn’t quite remember everything he said. He just remembers you, in his room, and then you being gone, replaced by Jimin and Taehyung.

The only thing he knows is that you know. The text that’s been sitting on his phone all day is reminder enough.

[11:12 am] You: hey, i hope ur okay this morning.. if u ever wanna talk about last night, we can grab a coffee or smth😌

He doesn’t know what to say, so he hasn’t replied. Because he’s not okay at all, and he doesn’t want to talk about it. Especially not with you.

Especially not when he hasn’t been able to eat anything since the first time he woke up today. It’s nearing 4 pm now, and he technically needs to be at the studio in two hours. Hobi already said he’d pick him up, but he’s still far from being presentable right now.

Jungkook groans, hiding his face in his pillow. You come up in his mind, the look of horror on your face last night making everything spin around him twice as much as before. Whenever he closes his eyes, you’re there, and he almost hopes to go blind.

Though he’s pretty sure you’d find a way to haunt him even if he was blind.

Another groan escapes him, and he turns his head to the side as someone knocks on his door. “Uh?” he lets out, loud enough for whoever it is to hear.

He’s surprised to see it’s Yoongi as the man opens the door. “I made you soup,” Yoongi says, and sure enough he is carrying a tray with a steaming bowl of soup on top of it.

Jungkook expects the thought of eating to make him feel worse, but surprisingly enough, no nausea rises inside of him. Instead, he realizes his stomach feels dreadfully empty, so he forces himself to sit, wincing at the throbbing pain at his temples.

It’s almost enough to make him forget the pain in his leg.

“Did you take any painkillers?” Yoongi asks as he puts down the tray at the foot of the bed. “And have you drank any water?”

“Yes and yes,” Jungkook replies, voice raucous from disuse. “Pretty sure I could use some more painkillers though.”

Yoongi nods, watching his younger friend carefully. “Do you need me to go get you some?”

Jungkook slowly shakes his head no. “I need to get out of bed if I want to make it to dance practice.”

At that Yoongi laughs. “Good luck with that.”

Jungkook frowns, glaring at Yoongi. “I’m very capable, I’ll have you know.”

“Your room smells like someone died in here.”

Though he’s usually sensitive to smell, Jungkook’s hungover state keeps him from being able to tell if the room really does stink. “Tae and Jimin cleaned up.”

“Then you must be the dead body,” Yoongi says, in that deadpan kind of way of his. He shrugs his shoulders, before adding, “Anyway, just eat and then take a shower. I’m sure you’ll feel better.”

Jungkook nods and watches as Yoongi makes to move out of his room. Yoongi’s at the door when Jungkook says, “Hyung?” Yoongi turns around, a quizzical look on his features. “Thank you for the soup.”

A smile breaks out across Yoongi’s face. “Anytime.”

And then Yoongi leaves, shutting the door softly behind him, and Jungkook is left alone once again. He looks down at the soup, and he realizes he really is hungry. He pulls the tray closer to him, making sure the soup doesn’t spill over the rim of the bowl, before grabbing the spoon.

The first spoonful of soup has his eyes fluttering shut with delight. Yoongi’s always been an amazing cook, and he hasn’t disappointed today. It awakens Jungkook more than anything else could have, and he’s finished the bowl of soup so quickly he almost considers eating the tray.

He’s still famished, but at least he’s got something in his stomach now. It’s enough to get him to stand from his bed, and though everything wobbles for a few seconds, he’s able to start gathering what he’ll need for his trip to the shower.

The shower really helps make him feel human again, and he’s relieved. As he steps out and looks at himself in the mirror, eyes dipping to his scars, he feels ready to confront the whole world if need be. He won’t have to bail on dance practice after all.

He’s down in the kitchen, eating some reheated pizza from last night, when Hobi arrives. His older friend pats him on the back, before putting down a Gatorade in front of him.

“Thought you’d need this,” he says, before climbing on the stool next to Jungkook.

Jungkook chuckles, immediately uncapping the Gatorade to take a long swig. It’s the last thing he needed to feel as good as new, and he offers Hobi a wide grin as soon as he puts the bottle down.

“I sure did,” he says, and the two friends laugh.

One thing that doesn’t change though, is the heaviness in Jungkook’s heart. Because if you know, then it’s just a matter of time before the rest of the crew knows. He doesn’t think he’ll be able to deal with everyone pitying him at the same time.

Maybe then he’ll just have to dip again.

Jin comes into the kitchen, and he stops as he sees Jungkook and Hobi at the counter. Valeria trails behind him, and Jungkook is struck dumb once more.

He never thought Jin would be able to pull the girl. He’s still surprised that she does exist, and whenever he’s alone with Jin he makes it a priority to remind his older friend.

“Sup’ losers,” Jin says as he starts moving again, heading towards the fridge to store the bottle of rosé wine he’s holding. “Surprised you were able to get out of bed.”

He says that over his shoulder looking right at Jungkook, who rolls his eyes. “I’m not a senior citizen like you, I’ve still got youth on my side.”

“Listen you little shit,” Jin bursts out, and Valeria starts laughing. It has the effect of a calming shower on Jin, who only glares at Jungkook. “You’re lucky the lady is here. Otherwise you’d be dead.”

“If you’d be able to catch me, that is.”

Jin looks towards Hobi.

“Don’t ask me for help,” Hobi says, raising his hands in defense. “You’re all alone on this.”

Jin’s head turns towards his girlfriend next. She’s shy, and Jungkook has never really talked to her before. So when he and Hobi look at her too, she blushes, before shrugging.

Jin lets out a childish whine, before saying, “Alright then, I’m old.”

“We like you like that.” Valeria is the one that speaks, and Jungkook chokes on a laugh as he turns back towards Jin.

“You heard her.”

Jin is fake-glaring at his girlfriend, but then his features soften. “Yeah, but at least she’s pretty.” And just like that he moves out of the kitchen, pulling Valeria behind him.

“I’ve been told I’m pretty too,” Jungkook yells behind Jin, and Hobi laughs next to him. “He’s so whipped,” Jungkook says after a few seconds, just to make sure Jin is out of earshot. His comment makes him think about another couple that’s starting to form, and he turns to look at Hobi. “And you? What’s up with Jiho?”

Hobi chokes, flushing fully red, up to the top of his ears. “What do you mean?”

Jungkook raises his eyebrows as he tries to hold in the shit-eating smirk that wants to form on his lips. “What do I mean? Why did you invite her yesterday?”

“I –” Hobi says. “I just thought it’d be fun to hang with the crew…”

“The crew?” The smirk has won now, and it breaks across Jungkook’s lips.

“Well, you know, just like…” Hobi falls silent, before letting out a strangled laugh. “I honestly didn’t see it coming.”

It’s cute, and Jungkook’s smirk turns into a softer smile. “To be honest, me neither.”

“She’s got balls though,” Hobi says, laughing lightly this time. “She’s the one who suggested we should go on a date, after dance practice last week.”

All that Jungkook remembers of that night is that he walked with you after. The rest is a blur of anxiety and his leg hurting. But he’s not surprised that Jiho’s got balls: she has to be your closest friend for a reason.

“You said yes, I hope,” Jungkook says.

Hobi slowly nods. “Yeah. But I invited her yesterday because of that too. And we’re going to a restaurant she suggested tomorrow.”

Jungkook doesn’t have to fake the happiness that takes over him right now. He’s happy for his friend, he really is. For his friends, plural. Because Taehyung, Jin, Yoongi and now Hobi… They’re all happy. They all have met someone, someone to care for them where no one else can. Strangely, it’s something Jungkook doesn’t really want for himself right now, maybe because he’s too stuck in the past.

Too stuck trying to heal from the crash, knowing some parts won’t ever heal and refusing to give up the fight for now.

It brings him back to you. To last night, and to whatever he said. He wishes he could remember the words, just to know how bad he fucked up, but he doesn’t. He won’t remember, and he won’t ask you.

He won’t take you up on your offer for coffee. He knows pity when he sees it, and he abhors it. Especially when it comes from you.

Instead, he focuses on Hobi, on the smile that lights up his friend’s face as he tells him about Jiho, about how they’ve been texting almost constantly. It’s all Hobi talks about on the ride to the studio, as he mentions stuff Jiho told him.

Stuff she told him about her when she was younger, but also about you. About how you’ve been friends since the first day of kindergarten, when someone pulled her braids and laughed at her and you punched them in the face.

He’s not surprised child you would punch someone that deserved it in the face. He’s pretty sure adult you would do it too.

Hobi parks his car next to the studio, and they are getting out of the vehicle when Jungkook notices you walking, hands buried in yet another oversized sweater. You’re wearing yoga pants underneath, and your hair is pulled up in a high ponytail. You catch his gaze a few seconds after he notices you, and he’s about to smile at you when you just look away, walking in the building without once glancing back.

What the fuck?

Jungkook frowns, especially as Hobi says, “What happened with Y/n last night?”

For some reason, Jungkook immediately grows defensive. He shrugs, a little vehemently before starting to walk towards the door. “Nothing happened. Just let it slip that I got into a car crash.”

“So she knows?” Hobi asks.

Another shrug of Jungkook’s shoulders. He buries his hands in the pockets of his black sweatpants, just to hide the way he’s clenching his fists even though he’s trying to stay calm. “Yeah. So everyone will know.”

“I don’t think so,” Hobi says, and Jungkook glances at him, brows knit together. “I mean, she’s good at keeping secrets.”

“She’s probably already told Jiho,” Jungkook points out as they reach the door. He doesn’t see you on the other side, and that’s the only reason why he opens it.

“Well, Jiho didn’t say anything about you, if that can reassure you.”

Hobi has felt the switch in his mood, hasn’t he? Because his voice is careful, as if he’s afraid to spook him.

“I don’t care,” Jungkook lies. Because he really does care. He doesn’t want everyone to know. Because it makes it too real, and for now he still can pretend it hasn’t happened.

He wishes for it to stay that way.

Hobi doesn’t push him more, and a tense silence moves between them. Jungkook wishes he could go back to his previous good mood about his friends’ happiness, but he’s back where he was last night. Somewhere in the dark of his own mind.

Not a good place to hang, if he’s honest.

He already knows he’s going to see you when he reaches the studio. Somehow, it still makes his heart constrict in his chest, that same way it did last night. As if someone is clenching their fist around it, and it makes it harder to breathe. He shrugs it off, taking a deep breath to calm down, before looking around.

Everyone but Heather is already here. And no one is looking at him, no one seems surprised or seems to be pitying him. You don’t even act like you noticed him entering – you take off your sweater, dropping it in a corner of the room with your phone and your keys. He hates it, but his eyes follow the curves of your body, and he wants to curse you for only wearing a sports bra.

Your body is lean, the results of dancing for most of your life with a mother that used to be a ballerina. Jungkook is pretty sure she’s controlled everything you ate growing up, and drilled it so hard into your head that you can’t stand bad food now. He remembers, when you were younger and someone brought cake to practice to celebrate a birthday, you always barely took a bite before saying you were full. You claimed you didn’t like cake, but he always noticed the way you eyed it while everyone else ate.

He used to make fun of you for it, and today he knows he was an asshole. All he can hope is that your relationship with food is better now. And it looks like it is – you’re not as thin as you were before. You look healthy, and your skin and hair are glowing.

It takes him a few good seconds to realize he’s staring, as if something about you has changed. And he doesn’t know what changed, just knows that he feels struck.

You notice him staring, and you furrow your brows. “What are you looking at?”

It’s said aggressively. As if you’re angry. He only then realizes that you might be, and maybe that’s why you ignored him outside. He can’t for the life of himself figure out why you’d be angry – did he say something yesterday?

“Nothing,” he replies, and he looks away as his heart beats out of his chest.

You act like that for the whole of practice. For all the pity looks Heather throws his way, you send twice as many glares. It feels like last night never happened, and maybe it didn’t. Maybe it was just a nightmare, and he never told you everything.

He knows you know though, because whenever he puts too much weight on his leg as he demonstrates the movements he has in mind, you clench your jaw. A muscle feathers under your skin, and then you look away. Shame passes on your features, and then it’s gone to be replaced with a scowl.

He’s getting tired of it by the end of practice, so he pulls you aside to talk. Jiho stubbornly stays next to you, until Hobi walks up to her and asks if he can talk to her, probably sensing that Jungkook needs some time alone with you.

You both glare at each other while the others filter out, wishing you good night. Jungkook hears Scottie teasing Lance about meeting up with a girl, and the last thing he hears is Lance telling him to fuck off before everyone is finally out.

It takes almost twenty seconds before you blink and say, “What do you want?”

“What’s wrong with you?” he asks, folding his arms on his chest as he cocks an eyebrow.

You scoff. “With me? Nothing. What’s wrong with you?”

Do you know or do you not? He’s a little confused as you just look at him, clearly expecting an answer. He’s dumbfounded – the last thing he expected from telling you everything was you being furious at him.

“Did I do something wrong?” he asks.

It’s just a back and forth of questions at this point, with no visible answers in the distance. Indeed, you just say, “Do you think you did something wrong?”

It’s absurd, and it makes him laugh. Which, he reckons, might be taken as insulting. And of course you take it the bad way, because how else would you take it?

“You’re so fucking oblivious,” you grumble.

He’s still laughing. He wants to stop, but for some reason he cannot.

“What’s so funny?” you enquire, and your cheeks are turning red.

“Just,” he starts, “I don’t know. The last thing I expected from last night was you getting angry at me.”

You roll your eyes. “If you were looking for pity you won’t get any from me.”

That’s the thing. He doesn’t want any pity from you. And you saying so makes something warm blossom in his chest, and it sobers him up. His face falls serious, and he holds your gaze long enough that you raise your eyebrows in question.

“Thank you,” he says.

You scoff. “You’re fucking weird, Jeon.”

He shrugs. “That’s why you like me, uh?”

Your eyes widen, and you look so appalled he just starts laughing again. “Quite the opposite actually,” you say even though he’s laughing. “What’s wrong with you?”

“I don’t know,” he repeats. “I’m just relieved you haven’t changed.”

He really is. You have no idea how much.

“Okay?” you let out, and it sounds like a question. You scoff again, before adding, “Why didn’t you reply to my text?”

Oh, so this is what it’s about. You’re upset because he ignored your text. It feels absurd and stupid and inconsequential in the grand scheme of things, so Jungkook just smiles and shrugs. “I genuinely don’t really want to talk about last night. I’m all okay today.”

And he does think he is, now that he’s talking to you.

You remain silent for a while, pulling at some dry skin on your bottom lip. You then brush a strand of hair that’s fallen from your ponytail behind your ear, nodding your head. “Understood. Won’t be nice to you again.”

“Oh please,” Jungkook teases. “You can’t resist it.”

He’s happy. The more he talks to you, the happier he is. He feels like he’s floating, and he wishes you’d both stay right then and there, in the studio, until the end of time.

He hasn’t felt so light in forever.

“Oh, I can, Jeon.” You fold your arms on your chest, imitating his posture. “Watch me.”

But there’s a teasing glint in your eyes, probably awakened by his own teasing demeanour.

“I’m sorry I didn’t reply to your text,” he apologizes, because he feels like he needs to clear the air with you. He doesn’t want you to be upset with him anymore. “I genuinely didn’t know what to say, and I figured I was going to see you tonight anyway.”

You look away for the first time in the conversation. Your eyes move down, and he’s pretty sure you’re looking at the scar on his stomach. It makes it itch, and if he weren’t with you, he’d scratch it. But he resists, offering you a tight-lipped smile as you look up at his eyes again.

“Well, forget I suggested coffee then,” you say. You wink at him. “I’ll start being a bitch again now.”

“Please do.”

You look startled. “You want me to be a bitch?”

He laughs, scratching the nape of his neck. “No.” He scrunches up his nose, thinking really hard about what he wants to say. Only he doesn’t know what to say. He feels like he’s never talked to you before in his whole life. He can barely remember breaking down in front of you not even twenty-four hours ago. “Yes? Just be your same usual self.”

“Noted,” you say, nodding your head forcefully.

It’s cute, and it makes your ponytail swing behind you. He has half a thought to reach and pull on it, just to annoy you, but he resists.

Instead, he looks around, before resuming his attention on you. “Just, one thing.”

You hold his gaze, cocking an eyebrow in question as you purse your lips. “Mmh?”

“Please don’t tell the others,” he says. It’s a little more serious than he was just a second ago, but he feels like it’s needed to get the point across. “I’d prefer if they didn’t know.”

The corners of your lips stretch into a small, soft smile. “I didn’t plan on telling anyone. I figured you’re the one that should tell them if you want to.” You glance towards the door, and you’re not watching him when you add, “I think Bridget told Heather though. And I don’t know if Heather will remain silent”.

He doesn’t care if Heather tells the others. He just doesn’t want you to do it. It makes no sense, but at the same time it makes all the sense in the world to him.

“Yeah, I think she knows too.” He pulls at his piercing, letting out a small sigh. “I’ll talk to her.”

You nod, and the room falls silent. He wishes he had more to tell you, but it seems you’ve run out of conversation topics, because you eventually wet your lips and say, “Well, I guess I’ll be going home now”. And then you laugh, shaking your head. “I was supposed to leave with Jiho, but I’m pretty sure she’s gone with Hobi.”

“Hobi talked about her for like an hour before we got here,” Jungkook admits, relieved that you provided a topic. “They’re going on a date tomorrow.”

You smile, widely, and he reckons you’re like him. Your friends’ happiness makes you happy, and happiness truly looks good on you. It makes your eyes sparkle, and you look like a kid who’s just received the perfect gift on Christmas morning.

“I know!” you yelp, taking him by surprise when you even clap your hands. “They’re going to the restaurant I suggested.”

There’s something warm in Jungkook’s chest. It just becomes stronger and stronger the more he looks at you, and it makes him feel wary. Enough so that he looks away and tries to tame it down.

“I hope everything will work out for them,” he says, and he scrapes his throat because the warmth is choking him up now.

“I’m sure it will”, you reply, confidently. “Jiho has been into him for like three years now.”

Jungkook feels bad for her, because three years ago Hobi was still with his ex. But it seems patience makes miracles, because she’s getting a date with Hobi now, isn’t she?

It makes Jungkook realize that sometimes, the right person for someone might have been around all along. They’ve just been blind to it. Now, that’s a thought that makes him want to get out of this room. To flee this cloud before it breaks, and he meets your gaze.

You’re watching him already, with a wistful look on your features. “I’m glad you’re okay.”

He hates it. Hates everything that your little sentence makes him feel, so he just nods his head, before saying, “It’s getting late, I should hurry if I want to catch the bus”.           

Your eyes widen. “I’ll order you a Lyft, come on.”

“No!” he refuses. “It’s all good.”

“But it’s late,” you insist, and you bend down to grab your phone on your sweater.

It offers Jungkook a straight view to your cleavage, and he freezes, right as pink dusts his cheeks. “I swear,” he reassures you, adding your name before continuing, “I’d rather take the bus. But thank you for the offer.”

You fake-glare at him. “Right, I’m supposed to be a bitch anyway.” You fold your arms on your chest, cocking an eyebrow arrogantly, and you look just like you’ve always looked when you say, “What the fuck are you still doing here? You’re wasting my oxygen.”

It makes the both of you laugh, and Jungkook just shakes his head. “Please, I know you love looking at me.”

You look offended, somehow, and you scoff. “I’d rather gouge my eyeballs out of my head instead of having to look at you for a second longer.”

“Ouch, that was rough.”

“You deserved it.” You shrug your shoulders, before motioning at the door in a swooshing motion. “Now, go lick your wounds somewhere else.”

“Aren’t you leaving too?”

You glare at him now, and you’re so good at it he almost thinks you’re angry. “Why, do you want to walk me home?”

His mouth falls open. Would you let him walk you home? For some reason, he’s pretty sure you’ll punch him if he even suggests it. So instead, he chooses to say, “And suffer the whole way? Nah, I’m good.”

It’s a low-key mention of his injury. You immediately catch on to it, and Jungkook hates the look that takes over your features. He thought that you didn’t have pity for him in you, but it seems you do. You do and it feels like the fist around his heart is back, and the air burns a little.

You seem like you want to say something, but he’s quicker than you.

“Don’t look at me like that.”

“Jungkook.”

“No, I’m serious, don’t you fucking look at me like that.”

And just like that the light atmosphere shifted back into darkness.

You scoff, shaking your head. “And here I was starting to think that you’re a decent guy. Never mind, Jeon.” You scoff once more, and the corners of your mouth are pulled down in a look of pure disgust. “I’m going home.”

He lets you go. He doesn’t even look at you as you pick up your stuff and leave, not once glancing back.

No matter how enjoyable this interlude in your usual relationship was, Jungkook prefers the usual hate. It’s safer, more comfortable, and a habit that protects him from the vulnerability.

Why then is he staring at your text two hours later in his bed at home, unable to fall asleep, wishing he didn’t say what he did?

In all truth, he knows why, he just doesn’t want to formulate the thought. Doesn’t want to give it the power to exist in the confines of his brain. So he ignores it, shoves the warmth in his chest so far down in the hole occupied by his lost dream that he can’t really feel it anymore.

Only then does he feel safe again, but he still can’t fall asleep.

He hopes you’re not struggling with insomnia as much as he is.

Thursday, June 28th

                The auditions for nationals are in a week. Seven days, and you’re still not sure you’ve mastered the choreography well. You’re anxious – have been for weeks now – and all you want is to lie down on the floor until everything is over.

Which, coincidentally, is what Lance has been doing for the last fifteen minutes, claiming he needed a break from Jungkook. Because Jungkook is worse than Hobi, making you repeat the choreography for stupid unnecessary things like Jiho’s hair was in her face or Scottie’s shirt rode too high while he was doing a certain move.

In May, when you learned about what happened to Jungkook, you had a few days of feeling bad for him. Wishing you didn’t get in a fight with him during that dance practice, wishing your relationship with him wasn’t just hateful.

It feels like there’s been too much history between you for it to ever change. Because you saw a glimpse of something else, for a few minutes that night. Jungkook was more open, calmer, and his expressions were set in a softer look. It was easier to be around him, more enjoyable, and you wished for a fleeting moment that it could last.

Alas, it only lasted a few minutes before he moved back to the harsh look he reserved for you, only because he assumed you were pitying him. Which, maybe you were. You don’t know. It’s hard to tell when you haven’t been through what he has, and when you can tell he suffers.

But you’re not sure if it’s pity or concern. You don’t think he can tell the difference either.

“Lance,” you grumble as you finish the choreography, heart beating out of your chest. “Get the fuck up we need you.”

Lance mumbles something incoherent, before turning his head away from where you’re glaring at him. It makes you look up to catch Jungkook’s gaze, and he immediately looks away the moment your eyes meet. He’s been doing that a lot now too. Where he used to glare at you or smirk insufferably, Jungkook just ignores you.

You don’t think you like it. But you’ve gotten used to it over the course of the last few weeks, so you just roll along with it now.

You’ve kept his secret safe. You thought it would be hard, especially to hide it from Jiho, but after a few days it just became normal. Jiho has more to tell you about Hobi anyway.

Because they’ve found time to go on dates every week since then. Sweet dates, with him picking her up and bringing her flowers and doing things that he knows make her happy. Even at dance practice, everyone can see how they are sickly into each other. You’re happy for Jiho, you really are, but it’s starting to feel a little lonely.

At least you’ve got Jo and the other girls now too. You’ve met the mysterious Kiko now – a sweet girl with the voice of an angel – and your girl’s nights with Jiho have turned into Thirsty Thursdays. You haven’t understood the meaning of the Thirsty yet, considering all of them are dating now, but you just roll along with it.

It’s led to fun nights, and that really is the only thing that matters, right?

Tonight makes no exception. Jiho, Heather and you have dance practice until 10 pm, and then you’re supposed to meet with the girls at a bar on their side of town. Which means you’re already dressed up, though you put on a sports skirt to avoid showing off your ass to the rest of the boys. Not that it would matter – Scottie is not interested in women at all, Lance only has eyes for Chaeyeon now, Hobi is way too respectful for that and Jungkook doesn’t even look at you anymore.

You scoff, glancing away from Jungkook to settle your gaze back on Lance. “Get up,” you repeat, before walking over to him to kick him in the ribs. “Or I’ll tell Chaeyeon how much of a loser you are.”

He fakes offence. “Me, a loser? Nah, we’re going to win this shit.”

The sudden confidence is a boost to everyone’s mood, and soon enough you’re back to dancing, with a much-needed vigor. It’s enough that Jungkook lets you go after you’ve done the choreographies two times more, telling everyone they did a good job.

“Same time Saturday,” he says.

You think you notice him looking at you in the mirror, but as soon as you turn your head in that direction he’s already glanced away, focusing himself on typing something on his phone.

“We know,” Lance says jokingly, before punching Jungkook in the shoulder.

Jungkook snickers, and he deadpans, “You were two hours late last week because you were too busy with your girlfriend”.

“Can’t blame me,” Lance says, shrugging his shoulders. “Chae comes first, the rest of you can suck it up.” It’s cute and endearing, and your heart feels warm as Lance glances your way. You have no idea what brings him to think of that, but he scans the whole room before suggesting, “We should rent a cottage. After the auditions. We should all get shitfaced for three days straight.”

Hobi laughs from where he’s standing next to Jiho. “Scottie is too young for that.”

“Hey, I’m twenty-two!” Scottie exclaims. “I can get shitfaced.”

“You’re a baby,” Heather puts in. “Just accept it. I refuse to acknowledge the fact you are major now.”

Scottie rolls his eyes, placing a sassy fist on his hip. “Then sucks to be you because I am, and I’m going to get shitfaced with Lance. Right?”

Lance has a large grin on his lips. “Damn fucking right.”

“As long as we get a cottage with a hot tub I’m in,” Jiho says innocently. Hobi cocks an eyebrow as he looks at her, as if he didn’t just say Scottie can’t go. “What?” Jiho adds, shrugging her shoulders. “A cottage weekend does sound like fun.”

It does. It really does. You haven’t gone to the countryside in years now, and you can already picture a cute, picturesque cottage on the side of a lake, with a long quay you can lie on and stargaze. The cottage has a fireplace, a circle of rock in the middle of which flames burn at night until they turn to embers and you roast marshmallows on it. You can almost feel the warmth of the hot tub, and the laughter of friends seems to almost overtake your ears…

Yeah, you’re due for a trip out of the city.

“I want marshmallows,” you say, sighing dreamily. “I haven’t had marshmallows since like…”

“Since the camping trip when we were thirteen? When Jisung got shit on by that seagull?”

You burst out laughing at the same time as Jiho does, right as the memory comes back to you. It had been a fun camping trip, with Jiho’s parents renting a camper. They had invited you along on their trip, and you had gone to the beach with them.

Good memories indeed.

Your laughter recedes, and you notice everyone is looking at you. Even Jungkook. His eyes are a little widened, as if he’s surprised, and there’s a light flush on his cheeks when he looks away.

It’s the strangest sight to see, and you’re unable to shake the feeling away while you get ready with Jiho later to rush to the bar where Jo and the others are already waiting for you. Jiho notices your unease as she applies your eyeliner.

“What’s up with you?”

“Nothing,” you immediately say, way too fast for it to sound casual.

She just cocks an eyebrow and keeps applying the makeup. At least she has the decency to ignore the blush that creeps on your cheeks.

“It’s just…” you sigh, and turn your head when she starts to work on your second eye. “I don’t know.”

“Jungkook?”

You want to kill her for knowing you so well, so you remain silent, choosing peace over violence.

“I’m going to say something right now that might make you want to kill me,” Jiho says, lips pursed.

“I would advise not saying it,” you mumble and she playfully pats your cheek.

“Don’t move.” You pout, but obey nonetheless. She continues working in silence for a time, before saying, “I know about the accident”.

Your heart stops in your chest, and you’re pretty sure all colours have drained out of your features. You still try to play it cool, saying, “What accident?”

“February last year? Jungkook got injured, then ghosted us. Ring a bell?”

You can’t really pretend you don’t know what she’s talking about, can you? “How do you know?”

“Hobi told me,” she admits. “He made me promise to never talk about it, but he mentioned you knew already.”

“Oh.”

“I don’t blame you for not telling me,” she reassures you, having sensed your discomfort. “Actually, it tells a lot about your relationship with JK that you respected his decision.”

You scoff as she pulls the eyeliner away from your face, putting it down on her vanity to grab her La Neige lip tint. “My relationship with Jungkook? We’re not even friends.”

“Why though?”

It’s a good question that just pisses you off further. “Because he’s a dick. He told me about the accident and got angry at me for looking concerned and then he started ignoring me.” You chuckle bitterly. “It’s not like I’m going to try and make him talk to me. I don’t give a shit about him.”

Jiho is silent for a long time. Far too long for it to be normal. Like she doesn’t believe you at all and is waiting for you to realize. You’re just as stubborn, so you don’t say anything as she puts the lip tint on her pretty lips.

It makes for an awkward two minutes, but she’s the one that breaks first. “You don’t believe that.”

You furrow your brows. “Why the fuck would you say that?”

She laughs. Not in a mean way, probably just because your cheeks are burning and she believes she can read you like the back of her hand. “Because you don’t believe that.”

You fold your arms on your chest, sitting back in the chair she’s forced you to sit in while she did your eyeliner. You remain silent once again, clenching your jaw as you choose not to get upset. You’re not sure it works, and Jiho just playfully punches you on the shoulder.

“Calm down, babe,” she says. “He’s changed.”

“He’s still an ass with me,” you point out. “He’s changed with the rest of you guys, but he’s even worse with me. He’s been completely ignoring me for weeks.”

“Because he’s scared of what you think about him.”

“He doesn’t give a shit about what I think of him? He’s made that clear enough.” Jiho goes back to her infuriating silence. And you don’t want the conversation to keep going in that direction, so you ask, “How has it been going with Hobi anyway?”

She flushes red as she always does whenever Hobi is mentioned. “Do not think this conversation is over,” she says, threatening you with the lip tint bottle. “But it’s been…” She chuckles. “It’s been great. I think we’re pretty much official now.”

It’s disgustingly cute. It makes you think of Lance and Chaeyeon, of Heather and Bridget, Jo and Taehyung and Kiko and Yoongi…

It makes you feel lonely, like Lance did earlier. It’s a feeling you’ve grown accustomed to growing up, so it’s easy to let it slide over you instead of letting it fester inside.

“Look at you,” you say teasingly. “Who knew you’d pull your lifelong crush?”

“Lifelong?” she snickers. “I’ve had a crush on him for like two years.”

You throw a no-bullshit look her way.

“Okay maybe three…”

It makes you both laugh, and it diffuses the situation that was escalating just a moment ago. You’re relieved, because you’re pretty sure if she mentioned Jungkook just once more you would have blown up in her face.

You take shots downstairs with Jisung and Felix before going, and you giggle in the Lyft on the way to the bar the other girls chose. As per usual, you’re the two last to get there – fashionably late is the way to go, right?

It takes you way too long to realize girl’s night will in fact not be girl’s night. Yoongi is the first you notice, maybe because he’s looking at the exit when you walk in, as if he’s just waiting for the right time to bail. He nods as he sees you, and Kiko turns. She smiles her shy smile, the one that doesn’t show her teeth, and she nods as well, almost a copycat of her boyfriend.

Then it’s like a domino effect, and everyone turns to look at you. Nine pairs of eyes, all on you: Jin, Valeria, Taehyung, Jo, Bridget, Heather, Kiko, Yoongi and Jimin. The latter offers you a secretive smile.

You might have been texting him a little. Nothing serious, but he does appear in your dms once in a while, replying to a story you posted. You always decided to ignore him, only liking his replies, but tonight there’s something in the way Park Jimin is looking at you, sitting there, that makes something warm trickle down your spine.

Maybe because of your conversation with Jiho. It’s hard to tell, and your best friend pulls you towards the rest of the group before you can figure it out. The feeling only increases tenfold when you stop next to the table, and Jimin gets up to greet you, quickly followed by the others.

You hug everyone, and Jo holds you a second longer. “Sorry for inviting the rest, Tae begged and I figured…” You pull away from the hug, and she does have a sheepish look on her features. “Thirsty Thursday doesn’t mean no men?”

You laugh at that comment, shrugging your shoulders. “It’s fine, don’t worry.”

And really, you don’t mind. You like hanging out with them all. You’re relieved they didn’t think to invite Jungkook though, because one thing you’ve figured is that, where Jimin goes Jungkook usually follows.

The night starts off with talking and a few drinks with the group, until you find yourself intoxicated more than you have initially planned to. It doesn’t really matter – you have a day off tomorrow at the internship. Indeed, it only goes from Monday to Thursday, since the lawyer you follow takes the day off on Fridays for the whole of summer.

So you drink, and when they clear a spot for the dancefloor, you let Jiho pull you to it. Let her dance with you, like you usually do when you’re trying to get a guy’s attention. You reckon she’s drunker than you – she’s a giggly mess and she keeps stepping on your feet, which she never usually does. It’s fun, and you feel some anxiety peel away from your skin as if you’re an onion and someone’s about to cut you up to pieces.

You do feel like somebody is about to cut you up to pieces when Jimin moves closer to you, and the smirk on his lips sets something on fire inside of you. Or maybe it’s the alcohol. It doesn’t matter because you pull away from Jiho to move closer to him, almost instinctively.

It’s like he fits like a glove. You face him, throwing your arms around his neck to pull him into the dance as his hands find your waist. One of them slips to your back, and he presses you against him as you move to the music, the rhythm a sensual dance between the two of you.

“Hello, you,” he purrs, and you look up at him.

“Hello,” you reply in the same tone, and he makes you spin until your back is facing him. He’s impossibly close and as his hands guide your hips, your eyes trail up.

You entirely stop moving when your gaze meets Jungkook. He’s standing near the door, clad in different clothes than earlier today, but in that same black shade he seems to adore. He also has a chain, with large links that give a rougher vibe to him.

The look on his features is rough too, especially as Jimin leans to speak into your ear. “I thought you might want to piss him off.”

You chuckle, turning your head to gaze at the man behind you over your shoulder. It brings your face way too close to his, and you have to resist the lava in your blood that makes you want to close the gap.

It’s the self-destructive kind of magma, and you don’t feel like indulging in it. Instead, you purr, “Why do you think I’d want to piss him off?”

Jimin chuckles, and you turn your head away from him because damn him, his lips really are inviting. “He’s been a little shit at home. I assume he’s been that way with you too.”

You laugh, and it’s bitter, angry. It surprises even you. “He’s been ignoring me.” You turn in Jimin’s arms, until you’re facing him. You keep your head hung low, enough so that he can’t lean down and press his lips against yours. Jimin is a gentleman though, you know he’d never kiss you without asking for consent first.

“Explains why he’s been a little shit then,” he says matter-of-factly. He straightens a little, putting a comfortable distance between your faces.

“And you think this little show is going to piss him off?”

He smirks, tilting his head to the side. All the while he’s been making you move to the music, and you know to outside gazes you look like you’re flirting. Can planning to piss Jeon Jungkook off count as flirting?

“Oh, I know it will,” Jimin says, shrugging his shoulders. “Jungkook wears his emotions on his face.”

Maybe he does. Around you, his emotion is usually mostly contempt, so you don’t really know.

“What do you gain from pissing him off?” you ask, and you genuinely wonder. What is Jimin trying to do?

“Nothing,” he admits. He purses his lips, before offering you yet another dashing smile. “Mostly I just want to see what he’ll do.”

Jimin pulls you a little closer, and his forehead presses against yours.

“What are you doing?” you murmur, as your heart beats like a hammer against your ribcage. Hell, even if you’re not really into Jimin like that, he’s Park Jimin. You don’t think anyone in their right mind could stay indifferent to him.

“He’s looking right now,” he replies. He chuckles, before saying, “Now, let me tell you what you’re going to do”. His lips move so close to you it feels as if your brain is short-circuiting in your head. “You’re going to act as if I’ve just offended you, and you go to the bathroom.”

“Why?”

“He’ll follow, and maybe he’ll finally…”

Jimin never finishes his sentence. Someone bumps into you, and it breaks the contact between you and him. Instead of pulling you back in, Jimin motions towards the bathroom, offering you an encouraging smile. You’re stunned for a moment, and you hope it does the trick. You hope you really do look offended, because in truth, you were enjoying Jimin’s proximity.

You don’t like that you were. It feels like you shouldn’t be enjoying his proximity at all. He’s not even really your friend anyway.

You don’t have a choice but to follow his advice though, and you turn around, beelining straight to the bathroom. You make your way through the crowd, scrunching up your nose in disgust at the sweaty guy your hand accidentally touched, and a few seconds later you finally find the line to the bathroom.

It’s a unisex bathroom, with three stalls that are currently all occupied. There’s a guy in front of you, and you glare at him as he smiles at you. He frowns, but it works and he turns back around. A stall frees up a little under a minute later, and you’re mindlessly watching a girl washing her hands when a large hand finds the small of your back.

You startle, and you turn around fully ready to knock some sense into whoever it is, until you see it’s Jungkook.

You freeze for a few seconds, and then let out a laugh as you realize whatever Jimin was doing worked.

“You and Jimin, uh,” Jungkook says bitterly, and his hand clenches into a fist where it falls at his side.

You cock your head to the side. “So you’re talking to me now?”

He plays with his piercing in silence, before scoffing. “I was never not talking to you.” You widen your eyes and let out a disbelieved laugh as you fold your arms on your chest. “I’m serious,” he adds. “I just…”

“Don’t even try to explain, Jeon, save your oxygen.”

He’s frowning now, and you reckon he probably has the same expression on his features that you have on yours. “I thought you said you weren’t going to flirt with Jimin.”

“That was over a month ago,” you point out. “People change, unless you haven’t noticed.”

“Oh, I know,” he says, chuckling bitterly. “But Jimin? There are dozens of guys in this bar, can’t you just choose someone else to fuck?”

You’re starting to see red. You feel it in the tremble that starts deep down in your core, before taking over the whole of your body. “I’m not going to fuck Jimin. He’s just a friend.”

“You dance with all of your friends like that?”

You turn away from him, hoping one of the stalls will be free now, but you’re in no luck. He grabs your arm, forcing you to turn back around. Your eyes drop to his hand on your arm. His fingers are gentle, way gentler than his features. “Fucking let go of me,” you snap. “I don’t want to talk to you. I don’t know what part of getting into an accident made you want to act like you’re just a fucking victim of everything around you but my life has nothing to do with yours. Why do you fucking care?”

He looks stunned. “I… What?”

His confusion douses your fury, and you furrow your brows. “What do you mean, what?”

“I don’t care.”

You don’t know who he is trying to convince right now. And you don’t feel like getting to the bottom of it with him. In fact, you really don’t like the look on his face, and you just want to put distance between you and him. So you roll your eyes, before saying, “Alright then, leave me alone, Jeon. I won’t dance with Jimin again.”

He doesn’t even look happy or relieved that you’re saying that. Instead, his features fall a little, moving from a frown to a sad expression that makes something stir in your chest. “I… If you want to get with Jimin, you can.”

Now, you really are confused. “You come here to be a little bitch about this all and now you’re saying it’s fine?”

He pulls at his piercing, and his eyes flicker to the man that walks past you, indicating that a stall must be free now. “Yeah. If that’s what you want, who am I to tell you not to do it?”

You don’t know. You have no idea how the conversation managed to take this turn, so you wet your lips, cocking an eyebrow. “What’s wrong with you?”

“I…” he trails off, shrugging his shoulders. “I was being a dick. You’re right, I should stop acting like I’m a fucking victim.”

Now, your heart really does ache in your chest. Because what you said was inconsiderate, and you don’t even really mean it. Not the way that he interpreted it though, that’s for sure.

“Jungkook…”

“No, it’s really okay,” he says. He still looks sad, but he offers you a tight-lipped smile. “I’m sorry.”

Just like that he’s walking away, and why are you following him? You stop him by grabbing his arm, just like he did to you a moment ago. You hold on to him longer than he did to you, because his skin is warm under your fingers. His tattoos didn’t take away the softness of his skin, and you don’t really want to let him go. Not just yet.

“I didn’t mean it.” You look him in the eyes as he turns just enough so that his gaze can meet yours. “I got angry.”

“No but you’re right,” he insists. “I don’t know what I’m doing, I don’t know why I don’t like you talking to Jimin. You can do whatever you want.”

You let his arm go, albeit reluctantly. “If it can reassure you, I am not interested in Jimin like that. Like yes, he’s attractive, but I’m not really looking for a relationship right now.”

At that Jungkook laughs. It’s somehow melancholic, and you reckon you’ve brought his demons to the forefront of his mind tonight. “Jimin-hyung doesn’t do relationships, you’re in luck.”

“No,” you grumble, and you shut your eyes, as if you have to explain something to a thick-headed five years old. “I’m really not interested in Jimin. Like at all.” Your eyelids flutter open, and you catch the movement of Jungkook’s eyes as they snap away from you.

“Okay,” he lets out flatly. “I’m sorry I ruined it.”

He looks genuine. You’d be angry at him if he didn’t really look as genuine as he does right now.

“Nothing’s ruined, I promise,” you reassure him and you offer him a small smile. “I was tired of dancing anyway.”

The word ‘dancing’ has his gaze trail to the dancefloor, and he bites at his piercing before glancing back at you. “Oh.”

You realize this is awkward. Because what you said really seems to have upset Jungkook. And you can’t really blame him, it was low. The only thing is, you’re not close enough to him to make him understand. So all you can do when he says he’s going to head home is wish him goodnight.

You feel horrible as you watch him leave, and he’s only just crossed the doors leading to the world outside when you break into a small jog. You make it outside in a hurry, just to see he’s leaning against the wall next to the door.

He seems startled to see you, and you feel just as startled to see he hasn’t really left yet.

“I was wondering,” you let out, and you take a deep breath to steady yourself. “Are you going to come to the cottage? You didn’t say you would earlier.”

You have no idea why that’s come to your mind, but you’re just going to roll with it.

“Uh.” He glances down at his phone in his hand. “Am I even invited?”

You wet your lips, shrugging. “I mean, you’re part of the crew, of course you are.”

He holds your gaze for so long you think the Earth has time to revolve around the sun once before he speaks again. “Am I really part of the crew?”

You reckon he might need to hear it, so you don’t hesitate when you say, “Of course. We’d be nothing without you.”

At that the sad expression on his features melts away. It does so slowly, starting with his eyes. They crinkle at the corners, sparkling a little, and then it trickles down his face, until the corners of his lips tug upwards. It makes you smile too, and you just gaze at each other like that for a few heartbeats. It feels intimate, miles away from the usual bickering and hatred that you share.

It’s new, but it doesn’t feel scary. Jungkook doesn’t feel scary when he’s smiling softly.

“Yes, I’ll come,” he finally says.

It makes you blink, and it’s like the scene is coming back into focus. You realize there are a couple of people smoking a few meters away, and a soft breeze pushes the smoke towards you. You hate the smell, but somehow you can’t shake the smile from your lips.

“Good.” You nod once, and you glance towards the door. “I guess… I guess I’ll let you go home then.”

He nods too, and he tilts his head to the side. He’s surveying you with those big eyes of his. They shine with stars right now, as if his happiness brings the constellations to his gaze. Or maybe it’s just the reflection from the streetlights and car headlights, but it’s beautiful.

Jungkook has beautiful eyes.

“Just waiting for a Lyft,” he says, motioning up with his phone.

You worry at your lips, before flattening your skirt mindlessly. “Is it going to be here anytime soon?”

He looks at the rectangle of light, face falling serious. It takes him a few seconds, but then he nods. “Yep. Should pull up pretty much now.”

You glance at the two sides of the street, and sure enough a car slows down until it stops in front of you. “Alright then,” you say. “Good night, Jeon.”

You don’t usually say his last name like you said it just now. It feels different, in all the right ways that it can.

“Good night,” he echoes, tentatively adding your name at the end. “I’ll see you at practice Saturday?”

“Yes. See you then.”

You’re grinning like an idiot when you’re home later, thinking of the interaction. It felt refreshing to be with Jungkook like that. As if you can be friends.

You never imagined you would want to be friends with him, but somehow tonight you want it. It only doubles up when a series of texts appears on your screen, hiding the top part of the anime you’re watching in bed before going to sleep.

[3:02 am] unsaved number: lmaooi jmin saud i cockblocled him😂 [3:02 am] unsaved number: cockblocked* [3:02 am] unsaved number: sry im drunk

You laugh softly, turning on your back as you pause the anime. You go to the conversation, and you’re about to reply when he adds,

[3:03 am] unsaved number: plz ignorr this

You don’t hesitate when you save his number under his name.

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☆☆☆☆☆

What do we think of this chapter?? Enemies to lovers not too enemies anymore uh? Hope you liked it! Let me know what you thought!

All rights reserved to @/oddinary4bts 2023. Please do not copy, repost or translate.

Taglist: (strike-through means dumblr is not letting me tag you my bad)

@chimchimmarie | @pamzn | @sugaluvmyg | @tearyjjeon | @jkclouds | @libra04 | @parkinglot-nights | @ggukieasy | @omnomnomtron | @jichimx | @synnfulqt | @leedoesntknaur | @pornichett | @melodiesforari | @oopscoop | @nadzzzblog | @amylouisecullen

[agathasangel]

you just don’t know it yet but baby, i’ve already got your heart (diane sherman x fem!reader NSFW)

both an anon and @magnifique-monstre  requested yandere prompt 6 and 17 (i think?) so I’m gonna combine them because they would go together well

prompt 6: “Pretend you never saw that. I can’t stand it when you look so scared.”

prompt 17: “I’m the only thing keeping you safe from a filthy, disgusting world.”

warnings: everything, basically. it’s pretty fucked up actually. TW for drugging, stalking, dubcon, emetophobia warning (just one mention), kidnapping, etc. also teacher!diane

summary: Diane Sherman was your Professor, and then your girlfriend, and then your caretaker. As the days start to become hazy and mixed up with one another, you wonder if Diane is trustworthy. 

Every day was basically the same. Wake up, take your meds, have breakfast with Diane. Then you would either accompany Diane to school or she would take you to the doctor’s or sometimes, if you felt up to it, she would take you on some sort of outing. She never liked to leave you alone and protectively followed you nearly everywhere you went. She took you home, and you would rest by her as she worked on her grading. At night Diane would make dinner for the two of you, the two of you would relax together, she would make sure you took the medication you needed at night and then you fell asleep in her arms.

It was nice. But you noticed that you started to forget things. You sometimes forgot how you even knew Diane, you even forgot your whole life before you met her at times. You were supposed to be on medical leave for a semester, which turned into a whole year, and- how long has it been now? You had no idea. You thought it was still summer, but the days started to blur together. The next year may have started, you had no way of knowing. Diane taught year round, so you went to school with her either way.

You remembered how everything started, though. You were a freshman, and you had moved across the country for college. You felt alone, and scared. You took a Chemistry class because you had to take some sort of science course, and it was the only one available when you signed up. You dreaded going, until you saw Professor Sherman. You struggled a bit in the class, so you went to her office hours. It was also a good excuse to talk to her, you thought. 

She was a lot nicer than some of your other professors, and she helped you through the problems you struggled with.

“You know, students don’t usually like to come to my office hours, so feel free to show up whenever you need me. Alright, hon?”

“Of course. Thanks, Professor.”

How did it turn into this?

Oh, right. You and Diane started to get closer, and you started to come down with lots of rashes, general pains, and you started getting sick to your stomach more and more. 

One day, you emailed Diane to tell her you couldn’t make it to her lab because you had thrown up that morning, to which she responded by asking what dorm you were in and if you needed anything.

It might be nice if you could bring me some saltines or something to settle my stomach? I have nothing in my dorm and can’t really stand up yet. Don’t worry about it though. I don’t want to get you sick, and are you even allowed in the dorms?

- (y/n)

I’ll be fine, and it really isn’t a big deal. We’re both adults, and I just want to help you.

- thinking of you, Prof. Diane Sherman

Next thing you remember, Diane showed up to your dorm a few minutes after your lab would have ended and brought not just crackers, but ginger ale, soup, water, blankets, and several different medicines. You talked for a while too, but couldn’t for the life of you remember what about. But you did remember that she stayed with you as long as you needed her, and promised to come back if you needed it.

You didn’t get better. You managed to get through your finals and pass your first semester classes, but you ended up having to spend much of Winter break in the hospital. Your parents came to visit, as did Diane. Diane actually came back every day, making sure you were okay.

You remembered that because of the silver necklace Diane gave you that Christmas that you still wore every single day. You felt bad when you got it because you didn’t think to get her a gift, but she told you not to worry about that, this was just a little thing that made her think of you. Besides, you were in the hospital!

“You know (y/n), I don’t have anyone else to visit over the holidays. I’m glad I get to be with you. I just wish it were under better circumstances.”

You started feeling a bit better and were able to come back for your second semester classes. You didn’t have Diane as a professor anymore, but you started to become friends. You would get coffee, or dinner. One night she asked you to come home with her, and be her girlfriend, to which you immediately agreed.

You slowly spent fewer nights at your dorm and more nights with Diane, and then you got sick again.  After that, she convinced you to move in with her full-time, and you’ve been living in her house and sleeping in her bed ever since. 

Right now, you were sitting in Diane’s and your bed, as she made dinner. You struggled to remember what happened next. This was when everything started to blend together. Your illnesses worsened even more shortly after you moved in with Diane. You remember being confined to the very same bed as Diane helped you do your finals from home, as she explained the situation to your parents and easily charmed them, convincing them you were in great hands.

“(Y/n), time for dinner!”, Diane called. She then walked to the bedroom to check if you needed any help.

“I’m fine, actually. I’ve been feeling a little better.”

“Good. Such a brave, good girl. Now eat up, alright baby?” cooed the older woman as she led you to the table and sat you down.

“Well, physically I’ve been feeling better, but-”

“What? What’s wrong? Have I not been paying enough attention to you? Are you feeling sad? anxious? My poor baby-”

“No, none of that. I’ve just been- forgetting things. Like, big chunks. My memories are so foggy. It’s hard for me to think at all sometimes.”

“Oh, honey, that’s just a side effect of your medication. It’s okay, it won’t last forever. And I’ll help you fill in any gaps you need until then. But you don’t need to worry. Not when you’re with me. Okay angel?”

“Yes, Mommy.”

“Oh, we’re in that kind of mood, are we?”

“Is that okay?”

“Very, very, okay, little one.”

Mommy was what you called Diane most often during sex. It turned her on immensely, and it excited you as well. 

Diane grabbed you and brought you to the bed, tearing off your clothes.

“Are you still feeling good?”

“Yes Mommy.”

“Such a good girl for me. Such a good girl for Mommy.”

You spread your legs for her and she started touching you. But then-

“Mommy stop please. I can’t do this, Diane-”

“Alright. I’m sorry, I’ll go get your meds.

Diane went to the bathroom to get your meds and sleep aids.

“D-Diane?”

“Yes, sweetheart?”

“Why can’t I remember things? I can’t even remember some things about my family.”

“A side effect of some of your medication sweetie. I told you that.”

“You did?”

“Yes. I will tell you this, my love. People have hurt you, in your past. I remember when we met you were having such a difficult time. You wanted friends, you had so much trouble making friends. The other students were so mean to you. Your parents they- they acted like having to come see you when you were in the hospital was some kind of inconvenience. It was awful. You were so lonely.”

“I know I was lonely.”

“Yes, sweetheart. You needed someone. You needed me. I have to be the one to take care of you. I am the only person that can love the way you deserve to be loved. I’m the only thing keeping you safe from a filthy, disgusting world. And I need you too. I need to love and protect you.”

“Yes, Diane. I need to sleep now.”

“Alright. Come here, darling,” said Diane. She held you until you fell asleep.

Next thing you knew, you were tied to the pole in the basement with several ropes. Diane was tying more and more ropes around you, around different parts of your body. The world felt heavy, blurry, fluid. 

“Please stop, Diane. Why are you doing this?”

“It’s for your own good, darling. Trust me. You need this.”

The ropes began to cover your entire body. Your face, eyes, neck. Especially your neck. There was a sharp sting on your neck.

Your eyes flew open, and you awoke in a cold sweat, and screamed. 

It was just a dream, I’m safe, thank God. Diane would never-

But then you noticed Diane. She was holding a small syringe, that seemed empty. And your neck stung. She was startled by your scream, clearly not expecting you to have woken up.

“Pretend you never saw that. I can’t stand it when you look so scared.”

“What did you do to me? What was in there, Diane?”

“You need it, sweetheart. I know you don’t like needles.”

“No. Why didn’t you tell me? What’s going on?”

“You need this. You need me. Your-”

You searched for the syringe and found it. There was a thick, black residue on it, and you sniffed it. It gave you a head rush.

“You’ve been drugging me. This is why I’ve forgotten things, isn’t it?”

“Come on, angel. You know I wouldn’t”

“But-”

“Don’t worry, just go back to sleep.”

You did feel tired. So tired. And you couldn’t even remember what you and Diane were even fighting about. So you went to sleep in her arms.

The next morning, Diane made you breakfast. 

“How did you sleep, (y/n)?”

“I don’t know. I think I had a nightmare but I can’t remember-”

“Oh no! At least you can’t remember it, right?”

“I- I guess so.”

Diane felt relief that you didn’t remember what happened last night. Her plan was working. You would be hers, her precious girl, forever. All that work to find you, to make you trust her, making you sick, making you need her. She knew everything about you. You were her perfect girl, and she was yours. And you always would be.

[flameo-firelord-hotman]

Flames & Feelings — Zuko x GN!Reader

Genre: fluff

Warnings: none

Words: 1.6k

Summary: Zuko struggles to control his firebending whenever you’re around.

A/N: the idea for this came from the very first episode of ATLA, when Katara's frustration at Sokka caused the ice around her to crack. Emotions play a part in bending, but we really only saw anger in the show. What about love? Also, apologies in advance, I am so bad at figuring out how to end my fics 😅

Masterlist

Skich. Skich. Skich.

After finding those spark rocks in the market, Sokka insisted that he use them to start the campfire. Unfortunately, he was having no luck. He scraped and scratched them together, but the sparks they produced were pathetic.

Zuko sighed and dropped his head. Watching the non-bender try to do something that he could do instantly was aggravating. “Sokka, just let me—”

“No, no, I can do this!”

Everyone let out a groan.

“What’s all the fuss?” You asked, walking over to the group.

Skich. Fwoom!

“See, I told you guys I could do it! Now look who’s the firebender,” Sokka said proudly. Indeed, small flames had erupted from the wood pile.

“It’s about time! I can finally start cooking dinner,” Katara grumbled, not holding back her frustration. “Somebody hide those spark rocks from him, so he doesn’t do this again!”

“No! I bought them, they’re mine!” Sokka cried as he clutched the rocks to his chest. You giggled and shook your head at them, taking a seat next to Zuko.

As the water tribe siblings continued to bicker, Zuko tried to relax himself. That fire wasn’t started by Sokka; it was him. Whenever you were around, he seemed to lose control of his firebending.

He couldn’t help it; he really liked you. You were kind, funny, smart, strong, beautiful, and the list went on. Being with you made him excited. It also made him nervous.

What if [y/n] doesn’t like me back?

Zuko was all too familiar with rejection—his father banished him, his mother abandoned him, his sister hated him, and he was sure his uncle did too—but still, he was deeply afraid of it. At 16 years old, he finally started to make real friends. There was absolutely no way Zuko would risk ruining the friendship he so treasured with you.

And so, he kept his crush a secret...

...but his firebending did not.

Zuko didn’t know how long this problem had persisted for, but it had to have been a while. The first time he noticed it was when you stopped by to watch him practice firebending. Feeling pressured to impress you, he lost control of his flames and almost lit a nearby bush on fire.

Another time, Zuko was meditating in his tent. He always lit candles when doing so to help him focus. Hearing that sweet, bubbly laughter of yours outside made his heart skip a beat, causing the thin flames to rapidly grow taller. Fortunately, he caught them in time before his tent set on fire.

And now, just sitting next to you at the campfire made him anxious, which caused the flames to reach a little higher, making him more anxious, which made the issue worse. It was like he was trapped in a continuous cycle of anxiety. The only thing we could do was slow his breathing, steady his heart rate and calm his mind, while hoping no one would notice.

“Zuko?...Zuuuuko?”

“Huh?” Zuko snapped out of his thoughts.

You furrowed your eyebrows. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine.”

“Okay...well I was just asking you how your day was.”

“Oh. Uh, also fine.”

As much as he wanted to talk to you, Zuko knew he couldn’t. Talking would make his situation worse. So he gave you short responses and hoped you would get the hint. However, that only made you worried about him.

“Are you sure you’re okay? You seem, I don’t know, distant lately,” you said with concern.

“Yeah, just fine,” he gave you a smile. It was suspiciously fake.

You huffed. You knew something was up—it was so obvious—and it was frustrating that Zuko wouldn’t admit it. For now, you let it go. It was time to eat dinner anyway.

After a nice, hearty meal of soup, it was time to go to sleep. The sun had set long ago. Story telling, jokes and witty banter had been replaced by mather nature’s ambiance; crickets chirped and the campfire crackled. Everyone was tired.

Aang yawned, “I think it’s time to sleep.”

“Agreed. Last one to bed, don’t forget to put out the fire!” Sokka said as he got up to leave.

One by one, the Gaang members said their “good nights” and withdrew to their tents. Then, it was just you and Zuko.

“We should get to bed too. I’ll put out the fire.” He stood to leave, but you grabbed his sleeve.

“Wait. Can we talk for a second?”

Oh no. The fire grew a little. What does [y/n] want to talk about? Do they know I like them? Do they know I can’t control my firebending? Or is it something else? Are they mad at me?

Zuko hesitantly sat back down. “Uh, sure. What’s up?”

You turned to face him. “Can you please tell me what’s wrong?” You asked sincerely. Now that everyone else was gone, maybe Zuko would feel more open to talk about it.

Unfortunately for him, that wasn’t the case. Zuko couldn��t find the courage to tell you about his feelings. Instead, he racked his mind, trying to find a way out of this conversation without being too weird. Meanwhile, the flames of the campfire flicked and danced wildly.

“I-I don’t know,” he replied bashfully.

You furrowed your eyebrows. “What do you mean you don’t know?”

“I, uh, can’t tell you,” he stammered.

“What? Why?”

The campfire cracked and popped loudly. Not only was it becoming bigger, it was becoming hotter too. Zuko bit his lip trying to think of a good response. He had never been this nervous before.

“Because, umm,” he trailed off.

You leaned forward slightly, raising an eyebrow. “Because...?”

Now you noticed yourself feeling much warmer than before. Something big and bright caught the corner of your eye. When you turned to look at it, a gasp escaped your mouth.

“Zuko! The fire!” You cried as you backed away from it.

All the tension Zuko had built up inside turned the previously small campfire into one that was the size of a bonfire. Bigger, taller, hotter and brighter, it was out of control.

You grabbed a small bucket of water near you and splashed it on the fire. It wasn’t enough to put it out and barely did a thing.

“Zuko, do something! Put it out!” You hissed, trying not to wake up the rest of the team.

“I’m trying!” Zuko waved his arms trying to diminish the flames. He already had a hard time taming them when he was just sitting with you. Now that you were freaking out, he was really struggling. You ran to Katara’s tent to get help.

“Katara! Wake up!” You shook her body.

“Huh? What’s going on?” She said, wiping her eyes.

“Fire! Campfire! Out of control! Zuko can’t stop it!” You rambled while gesturing wildly with your hands.

Katara grabbed her waterskin and rushed out of her tent. With the wave of her arms, she guided her water to the fire and put it out within seconds. Smoke arose from the sizzling, burnt firewood.

“Phew, thanks, Katara,” you said with relief.

“Yeah, you’re welcome.” She turned to Zuko and pointed at finger to his chest. “Next time you want to impress someone, why don’t you just give them flowers instead of firebending and burning down the whole campsite?” She scolded.

Zuko’s eyes widened in shock. How does she know I like [y/n]?!

“What? No! That’s wasn’t what I was doing!” Zuko said, pleading innocence. Katara pursed her lips and shook her head as she returned to her tent.

“Good night, you two,” she said cheekily before slipping inside.

You turned to face Zuko, jaw slacked. You were shocked and confused by everything that just happened. He whipped the swear off his brow and took a deep breath.

“I think I’m ready to tell you what’s wrong now.”

You gave Zuko a puzzled look. Now you were even more confused. Nevertheless, you sat down next to him, because you were glad that he would finally open up to you about it.

“This is going to sound weird, but I can’t control my firebending when I’m around you,” Zuko confessed.

“What? Why? Did something happen?” He shook his head.

Zuko’s inability to bend properly reminded you of when he lost his firebending in the air temple. It was because he was previously taught to fuel it with anger. If firebending can be fueled with anger, you wondered if Zuko was unable to control it now because he was upset with you.

“Did I do something?” You asked worriedly.

“Mmm-mm,” he shook his head again. “No, actually, you’ve done nothing at all,” he chuckled a little.

“I don’t understand. You’re not mad at me, are you?”

“No, I’m not. It’s the opposite actually. I like being with you, but I get so nervous, because...well, I don’t think you like me.” Heat pooled in Zuko’s cheeks. He looked away so you wouldn’t see it.

“Why would you think that? Of course I like you, Zuko,” you assured, placing a hand on his shoulder.

He sighed. “I meant as more than a friend.”

“You do?” You asked in disbelief, blushing.

“Yeah,” Zuko mumbled quietly.

“I like you too,” Zuko turned to you with raised brows before you continued, “as more than a friend.”

“Really?” Now it was his turn to be surprised.

“Yes, really.”

You smiled, and Zuko smiled back. He brought a hand up to your face and gently cupped your cheek, rubbing his thumb back and forth. Your eyes locked with his, and, for a second, you saw him glance at your lips. You knew what he was thinking. Slowly, you leaned forward, and he did too, until the gap was closed. His lips were soft and warm. You melted right into him.

When the two of you separated, you nuzzled your head in the crook of his warm neck. His arms wrapped around you to bring you closer. Instead of heading off to bed like everyone else, you both silently agreed to stay up just a little bit longer. And just like that, all the butterflies in Zuko's stomach flew away. He would no longer have any trouble controlling his bending.

[grasslandgirl]

Um, yes PLEASE write the Beverlin!

aaaaahhhhh lizz i wrote this AGES ago like the whole thing in the span of 24 hrs and kept meaning to post it and then forgetting to and blah blah blah and then here we are. anyway. she's long and sappy sorry not sorry

read golden as I open my eyes here on ao3!!

It was the kind of perfect summer evening that Beverly thought only happened in movies. They got ice cream from the local shop down the street after hanging out at the park all day, and an evening summer storm caught them mere minutes after Erlin had finally finished his cone on the walk home. The rain was cool against the hot concrete, a refreshing baptism following the heat of the summer day. The kind of day where everything was warm and joyous, and even sudden rushing rain couldn’t wash it away. They ran back to Erlin’s house, laughing and shouting, kicking the puddles forming in the street at one another- they were soaked already, what was the harm of a little more?

Beverly felt effortlessly young and happy, like he and Erlin were seven again and the world was simple. The pressure from his dad and school and the creeping uncertainty that’d started to follow Bev everywhere he went were washed away; and it was just him and Erlin.

He loved Erlin, of course. Loved him, maybe, as long as he’d known him. They’d been best friends for as long as Bev could remember, almost all of his early childhood memories included Erlin attached at his hip. It was the easy kind of childhood friendship where loving each other was never in question- until Bev turned fifteen and realized that he didn’t love Derlin or Cran the way he loved Erlin. That he didn’t imagine a life with his other friends, stretching forever into the future, like he did with Erlin. That he felt an awkward, twisting sensation in his stomach when he remembered the times they pretended to get married as children- huddled under a tree in Beverly’s back yard, holding hands, Bev with his mother’s apron draped over his shoulders, Erlin with flowers from their garden in his hair, promising to be best friends forever.

The feeling hung over Bev’s shoulders, the twin terrors of spending the rest of his life with his heart in a wrench everytime Erlin smiled at him, or telling Erlin the truth, only to lose him entirely.

But in the warm summer air, with cool rain droplets falling on his face and shoulders, Bev let the worry and the fear slough off- if only for the night. Nothing bad could happen; not when Erlin was laughing at him like he was, not when Bev could reach out and wipe a stray raindrop off the tip of Erlin’s nose, not when Erlin blushed bright red and watched Bev with wide eyes. They were electric and indestructible.

They were both soaked to the bone when they scrambled up the stairs to Erlin’s house, bursting through the door still laughing. Egwene shot them a glare from her perch at the kitchen island, but even that couldn’t break Bev’s giddy joy, not when Erlin was still giggling into his shoulder- both of them laughing at nothing. Egwene rolled her eyes, scowling back down at her book, but Bev caught the edge of a smile as he glanced back over his shoulder at her, before Erlin dragged him out of the kitchen and into the back of the house.

Erlin shoved an old t-shirt and a pair of sweats into Bev’s arms and pushed him towards the bathroom- “Take a shower, dude,” he demanded, the edge of his voice undermined by the fact that he still couldn’t stop laughing, his smile gone soft and slant. “You’re not getting sick again on my watch.” They fell into another peal of laughter, silently remembering when Bev caught a miserable head cold sleeping over at Erlin’s a few years past. Waking up to Erlin hovering over him, soup and tea in hand, before promptly spilling the long-since-lukewarm liquids all over Beverly as he sat up.

Bev had spent more nights at the Kindleaf house than he could count, the smell of Erlin’s shampoo was as familiar and comforting as his own. There was always a certain secret thrill whenever he ended up having to shower at Erlin’s. The idea of spending the next few days smelling like Erlin, his spiced mint shampoo and conditioner, wondering if Erlin noticed it as much as Beverly did.

When he finished, Bev threw his soaking clothes into the dryer- Erlin’s were already in there- and started it. He shot his mom a quick text that he was sleeping over at Erlin’s- an occurrence so common it barely warranted a warning text anymore- and shuffled through the suddenly silent house towards Erlin’s room.

Erlin was perched on his bed, hair soft and damp from his own shower, face lit from below as he peered down at his phone. The t-shirt he was wearing was a couple sizes too big- maybe one of Egwene’s old high school sports shirts, if Bev had to guess- and it draped over his shoulder and bunched up at his hip where his leg was propped up, knee to his chest. He hadn’t noticed Bev silently hovering at the door yet, and Beverly had the heartwrenching opportunity to watch Erlin at rest, in a quiet moment of solitude, unaware he was being watched.

Bev wrapped the image up in his mind, tying it with a bow and placing it on a shelf for safe keeping. He’d imagined a life, a future like this with Erlin more times than he could count- living together, sharing a room like this, seeing Erlin before bed every night and first thing in the morning every day. He could imagine a thousand moments like this, spread out over a lifetime; snapshots of intimacy and privacy taken from the inside of his and Erlin’s life together.

Beverly broke the moment, pushing the door to Erlin’s room wider as he walked in so it would squeak. Erlin looked up with a tired smile, reaching over to the lamp on his bedside table and clicking it on. The lamp cast a small bubble of golden light, Erlin and Bev on opposite edges of it.

Erlin had a trundle bed, a smaller mattress underneath his bed frame that rolled out on wheels, that he’d already pulled out and thrown a pillow atop of for Beverly. He’d loved the trundle when they were little, had thought it was so cool that Erlin had a built in place for him to sleep when he spent the night.

But the quiet, greedy part of Bev- the one that saved memories of Erlin blushing when he touched his face, the one that daydreamed about an impossible life together- wished they’d gotten rid of the second bed years ago. Wished that maybe, if there wasn’t a second mattress, Bev could come up with a reason for them to sleep together in Erlin’s bed. Innocent, back to back, with space enough for Egwene between them. But still, close enough that Bev could maybe feel Erlin’s warmth through his t-shirt, that maybe they’d wake up curled into each other.

More impossible dreams.

The shared giddy laughter had finally faded away, leaving them quiet and warm in the afterglow. Bev sat and settled cross legged on the little trundle bed, the old metal frame creaking slightly under his weight.

“Pancakes tomorrow?” Erlin asked.

Bev couldn’t help his grin. “Yes, obviously. The superior breakfast food.”

“Don’t let your mom’s sticky buns hear you say that sacrilege, dude.”

“Sticky buns are an all day food, not an explicitly breakfast food, Erlin. Duh.”

Erlin snickered quietly into his hand, and Bev felt the warm glow in his chest he felt every time he made Erlin laugh like that. “Okay, okay, fair enough.” Erlin reached over and put his phone down on his bedside table. Beverly tried not to look at the sliver of pale stomach that peeked out from beneath his overlarge t shirt as he leaned over. “You all set for the night?” Erlin asked, glancing at the blanket folded carefully atop the pillow beside Bev on the trundle bed.

Bev nodded, swallowing the gut desire to say something about sleeping in Erlin’s bed instead. “All good, dude. See you in the morning.” Erlin smiled at him again, a tired, happy thing, and clicked the bedside lamp off again, plunging them into perfect darkness.

Bev shuffled as quietly as he could under the blanket, burying his face in his pillow. He could still hear the rain outside falling on the roof, how the trees groaned and whipped in the wind. He tried to focus on that, as opposed to Erlin’s slow, heavy breathing. He was only marginally successful.

Bev fell asleep quickly, Erlin’s snuffling breaths and the hard patter of rain turning into a lullabye, and his body was still heavy and tired from running home through the rain.

He woke up, hours later, to the thin trundle mattress shifting but a sudden new weight.

At first, Bev thought it was just Erlin trying to climb out of bed- probably to use the bathroom- and stepping onto Bev’s mattress as he did. But as the mattress continued to shift, Bev realized Erlin wasn’t using the mattress as a stepping stone to get to his bedroom floor. He was lying down beside Beverly.

Bev’s eyes snapped open as a line of anxious ice trailed down his spine, reaching out with all his senses to try and figure out what was going on. He couldn’t see much beyond vague shadowy shapes in the darkness of the bedroom- the line of streetlight peeking out from beneath the window’s blinds, the outline of Erlin’s desk against the pale wall behind it, the curl of Erlin’s hair as he buried his face in his pillow. Beverly blinked away sleep, straining to make out the line of Erlin’s body. The curve of his head into his neck and shoulders, disappearing below the blanket Bev was using, the line of his spine into his legs, his bare feet peeking out the edge of the blanket. His face was buried in his pillow, scrunched up between the pillow Beverly was using and the edge of Erlin’s bed frame, his whole body curled into the small space like a small animal looking for safety. Beverly couldn’t tell if he was awake, or whether Erlin had crawled into bed with Beverly in a fit of sleepwalking- sleepcrawling? Either way, that’s probably what had woken Beverly up, the abrupt weight of Erlin crawling into bed beside him, settling onto the thin mattress. Erlin’s shoulder was no more than an inch from the center of Beverly’s chest, where he had been asleep, curled onto his side. If either of them shifted even a little, they would be touching.

Then, a quiet snuffle. Erlin shook his head and buried his nose further into his pillow- Beverly didn’t know how he could breathe like that, but if he strained, he could still hear it. Erlin’s breathing sounded different than it had when they were first falling asleep; faster, almost wet sounding, like he was- was Erlin crying?

Bev’s breath caught in his chest, and slowly he lifted his hand and placed it gently on the back of Erlin’s shoulder. He heard the snuffling sound again, and then felt Erlin sigh beneath his hand. And then, as though Erlin had never woken up, Beverly heard his breathing slow and deepen, his spine going loose beneath Bev’s palm. He was asleep. In bed with Beverly. Part of him wanted to shake Erlin awake again, ask why he was crying and why he crawled in bed with him and what did this mean?

But Bev was still exhausted, and half asleep, and the initial adrenaline of waking up had faded, leaving him in a room silent save for Erlin’s breathing. It felt dreamlike, as though Bev would blink and wake up to the early-morning sunrise, Erlin asleep in his own bed again. Bev didn’t want to question it, didn’t crave answers enough to shatter the dream- real or otherwise- he’d found himself in. So he closed his eyes, let himself listen to Erlin’s even breathing, and fell back asleep.

When Beverly blinked awake again, it was morning, and the moment in the middle of the night felt like nothing more than a sugar-sweet dream. The sunlight tore through the crack at the bottom of Erlin’s blinds, washing his room in burning golden light. It took Bev’s eyes a moment to adjust, a yawn hiking up in his chest as he started to stretch out.

All at once, his arm bumped into something warm and firm and Bev’s eyes adjusted enough to catch a pair of pale feet peeking out from beneath the edge of the blanket.

Erlin.

Beverly’s eyes snapped towards Erlin’s bed and caught on his best friend, lying on his side facing Beverly, still tucked between Bev and his bed frame. Still lying next to Bev. The fuzzy memory from the middle of the night slotted back into place, and Bev was suddenly aware of his feet tucked against Erlin’s shins; that he’d shifted, searching for warmth in the middle of the night.

Erlin was awake, his eyes soft and open, watching Bev with the kind of tentative warmth that Beverly recognized from inside his own chest, everytime he looked at Erlin.

“Oh,” Bev breathed, his arm settling back against the mattress from where he’d frozen, mid-stretch.

“Good morning?”

“You’re… really here. I thought I dreamed you.” Beverly mumbled, his brain still foggy with sleep, struggling to put the pieces together.

Erlin flushed, and Bev let himself watch how it started at his ears and spread inwards, along the line of his cheeks and up to his nose until his whole face was red. “I woke you up?”

“Only a little,” Bev tried for a joke, and Erlin smiled slightly, acknowledging.

“I… um-”

“Nightmare?”

Erlin nodded. “My parents. And Egwene, this time, and Nana. And-” he hesitated, scanning Beverly’s face- “and you.” A confession that Bev could almost piece together.

“Oh,” Bev breathed, the word punched from his chest.

“I’m sorry, I should’ve asked, I just- I wanted to know I wasn’t alone, but it felt silly to wake you-”

“Erlin. It’s fine. I- I didn’t mind.” That wasn’t fully true. “I liked it. I like waking up to you.” A confession in response, and Bev watched with bated breath as realization broke out over Erlin’s face.

“Oh.”

“Is that okay? I don’t- you’re my best friend, Erlin, and that means everything to me, and I don’t want to lose that. You. But- I just. I think about it. Sleeping beside you, and holding your hand when we go to the movies, and buying your ice cream for you, and all the little-”

“Boyfriend things?” Erlin whispered, his voice full of barely-veiled hope.

“Yeah.”

“Oh.” Erlin shifted forward on the mattress, just a little. “Kissing?”

Bev could barely find the breath to answer, terrified that one wrong move, one wrong word, and everything would come crumbling down around his ears. “Yeah.” Again, louder, more certain, “Yeah.” And then the important part, “What about-”

But before Beverly could finish his question, Erlin’s palm was on his cheek and he was leaning forward and then his lips were on Bev’s. They were warm and slightly dry and Bev could smell Erlin’s deodorant and shampoo and Erlin was kissing him. Bev combed his hand into Erlin’s curls- something he’d thought about doing more times than he wanted to admit- and pulled him closer, until their chests were touching and Bev felt electricity arc down his spine. Erlin’s hand was a warm, grounding presence on his face, and Erlin kept it there even when he eventually pulled away. His pupils were blown wide, all traces of sleepiness wiped from his face, and his cheeks were burned fire engine red.

“Yeah,” Erlin echoed, breathless for a different reason now. “Me too.”

Bev pulled his hand out of Erlin’s hair and wrapped it around the hand Erlin was still holding against his face, twisting their fingers together. Erlin’s flicked between their hands and Bev’s eyes. “Let me take you to dinner,” Bev said, more a plea than a question.

“Like a-”

“A date. Erlin Kindleaf, I’ve been thinking about this for years, please let me take you on a date.”

“Yeah, dude, yeah, yes-” And then Erlin kissed him again.

It was even better the second time. Erlin tilted his head a little so their mouths slotted together and his hand was still cradling Bev’s cheek. Bev dragged his hand up Erlin’s chest, wrapping his fingers around the place where his shoulder turned into his spine turned into the nape of his neck. Bev had always wondered what the softly curling hairs there felt like. Now he got to find out, twisting his fingers gently through them and pulling Erlin ever closer. Their noses bumped as Erlin sat up, sitting on his knees and shuffling forward until they pressed into Bev’s side on the mattress. Erlin’s hand finally moved from his face to grab onto his shoulder, and gently ran his other hand along Bev’s side- hip to stomach to ribs. Bev broke away as Erlin dragged his fingers along a ticklish spot on his ribs, tucking his face into the soft space at the top of Erlin’s shoulder with a helpless giggle.

It felt like they were back in the pouring rain from the night before, when everything was washed in blue light and cool water, the hot asphalt steaming as the rain evaporated. Where everything was light and joyous and exhilarating. Bev could feel Erlin laughing breathlessly, the way his shoulders jumped under Bev’s forehead, how his head shook with tiny rolling laughs. His hair brushed against Bev’s face, soft and smelling like the same herbal shampoo he’d used the night before.

It was that, more than Erlin agreeing to go on a date or kissing him, that finally made Bev realize that this was real. That he could have the kind of life he’d always wanted with Erlin; hundreds of nights curled into each other as they slept, arguing over who could pay for who’s dinner, making out at the movies during the credits (because neither of them would want to miss the rest of the film).

The morning was golden as Bev sat up and started to pepper Erlin’s face with tiny kisses until they were both laughing too hard to breathe.

Hours or minutes later, Egwene knocked briefly before ducking her head through the door to Erlin’s room- giving them barely enough time to leap apart, sprawled on opposite sides of the tiny trundle bed, red-faced and still shaking with laughter. She raised a silent eyebrow, but didn’t comment.

“Nana’s making breakfast, fuckers.” Her eyes jumped between Beverly and her brother, her forced scowl failing to hide the smile in her eyes. “Quit giggling to each other, let’s go.” She ducked back out of Erlin’s room leaving the door cracked as she stomped down the hall. Bev turned and grinned at Erlin, knowing it was as good as a blessing they were ever going to get.

“Pancakes?”

“Yeah.” Erlin grabbed Bev’s hand, dragging them both finally to their feet. “But not too many, we have dinner plans tonight.”

Bev pressed another kiss, quick and full of promise, to Erlin’s mouth. “Okay.”

The morning was golden, Bev could already smell the pancakes cooking, and he finally saw the future he wanted spread out before him; hand in hand with Erlin.

[jackidy]

To Star Lake - Chapter 2

Rating: T Pairings: Todoroki Shouto/Sero Hanta Characters: Various Universe: Howls Moving Castle Au

Summary: A day of impossibilities starts with a mystery man, with mismatched eyes and cold hands, rescuing him in a dark alleyway as he attempted to go about his business and the pet name sweetheart being said a little too tenderly. It ends with another stranger cursing him in his own store after telling them to leave.

Things like this don’t happen to people like Sero Hanta.

AO3  Previous Chapter Next Chapter 

---

He’s all too aware of his body when he wakes up, the dull thrum of pain in his joints and back that was not too different from every time he’d fallen asleep at his desk whilst working. Only he’s not at his desk, he’s in his bed, staring at the off-white ceiling as Sero willed himself to get up, mind combing through the events of yesterday in a bid to find the source of why he ached so much.

Went to see Kaminari. Was literally swept off his feet by a wizard. Came home and met another one who –

The attempt to sit up quickly is beaten by the stiffness, Sero grumbling to himself as he stumbled over to the mirror and wash basin in his room, blinking at his appearance before sighing in resignation. “So, I didn’t dream that after all.” He mumbles, voice deeper and croakier than it had been before, eyeing his now older features warily. How was he going to explain this to Urakaka and the workers or to Mina when she turned up later?

Wait, Mina. Moving with speed that leaves him winded, Sero locks the door, knowing the other would barely hesitate before slamming the door open to announce her presence the moment she realised he wasn’t downstairs. But how could he go downstairs?! He’d aged fifty years over night due to some guy whose life mission last night seemed to solely be tormenting Sero.

Had he been the person following them through the alleyway? He wasn’t caught up enough on magic practises to know if blue fire was a common thing, he just now knew that curses burnt through you like fire. Presuming that his current state was reversible at all, gods he hoped it was.

“Pass that on to little Shouto, would you.”

Why did everything keep coming back to Shouto? He’d never met the man. Surely, he’d remember meeting a supposed heart stealing wizard, even if Sero was far from his usual target. He’d entertained the idea of his rescuer being him, of the renowned heart eater saving him, kissing the back of his hand before he was stating he was his Hanta. But things like that don’t happen to him, regardless of what yesterday have proved, it was simply a case of mistaken identity that had resulted in all this.

At least, that was the truth he believed until a better idea came up.

The jostling of the door handle startles him, an all too familiar annoyed noise before loud, impatient knocking sounded against the door. “Sero Hanta! Open this door so I can see your lovely face.” There she was, tehre was Mina, Sero tempted to open the door and greet her only to stop himself. How does he explain this? It had been a struggle in and of itself trying to play down the events of yesterday to keep Kaminari from stressing out and that was before the additional ones that left him twenty-three going on seventy.

“Maybe next time, I’m not feeling too great.” Not an entire lie, he didn’t feel great. He felt confused and anxious more than anything. Please buy it, he mentally pleads, hoping it would be good enough cover as to why he sounded so old now. “I must have caught something at the parade yesterday.” I caught a series of impossible events, he adds silently, waiting with bated breath to see if she buys it and leaves.

“Do you need me to get you anything? We can bring you some soup at lunch time?” We? Oh, Urakaka. No doubt as soon as Mina returned downstairs with news he was ill she’d be in the same concerned boat as Mina, the pair a force to be reckoned with when it came to any worker feeling a little off colour or, more often than not, whenever Sero over worked himself.

It happened more often than he cared to admit.

“Sure, you know my favourite.” What time was it now? How long until the lunch break and how long did he have to leave? It was ten, lunch began at one. 3 Hours was plenty of time to dress, pack some food and money and leave before they all came back. As much as he would love to stay, he doesn’t know how to explain any of this, the idea of disappearing for a while and coming back himself a more attractive idea.

Kaminari is probably going to laugh at the fact the thing that got him to stop following his self-imposed expectations of himself was being turned into an old man. This all after, of course, the blonde would shout about how he’d been right about Sero’s day only getting stranger.

His clothes still fit, though what they gained in length they lost in looseness, fitting now more snugly against him. Perhaps that’s a perk in and of itself, if this is what he was going to look like when he was older, at least his metabolism had slowed down enough to let him gain weight. “At least your clothes fit you better now.” Sero whispers to himself, shrugging on a jacket and jamming his signature hat on like always.

First stop is the kitchen, taking his bag and cautiously unlocking the door, heading downstairs, breathing a small sigh of relief to find the kitchen empty, grabbing bread, cheese and some cured meat before pausing at the sight of the tart on the table and the small note beside it of ‘Hanta’s, don’t touch!’. Oh, the temptation to take it, arguing with himself for a little too long before sighing and walking over, grabbing the nearest pen to scribble a quick ‘thank you! – Hanta’ on the note before taking it.

No use adding to the panic they were going to feel when they realised that he was gone, Sero hesitating, unsure of if he should go through with his plan before shaking his head, shoving the entire bite sized pastry in his mouth. He was leaving. He was going to the wastes to find someone, anyone, willing to tell him how to break this curse placed on him and, with any luck, hopefully break it.

Shoving the plundered food into his bag, he makes a quick escape as the dawning realisation of how much tea the shop went through during the day set in. Leaving through the gate in the courtyard behind the store, Sero slips into the alleyway, thankful as the stiffness of his joints seems to ease up but noting with some annoyance how it still remained, as if a lingering reminder of the mess he’d gotten himself in.

Maybe he should get himself a walking stick? If anything, it would add to the look, Sero politely turning down the off of help down some stairs before going back to his thoughts, did he have enough to buy a walking stick? Did he have enough money at all? He hadn’t really checked his wallet before leaving, he’d just assumed he’d have enough to get by on. Did recklessness come with being older or was this just another side of the curse that he was only just now becoming aware of because, sure, he wasn’t always the most careful of people but he’d always been careful when it came to his finances.

He’ll find a stick to use when he gets to the wastes, nothing was so sore he needed one right now anyway but it would be a safe bet he may need something to assist walking when he made it to the moorland wastes. But he was getting ahead of himself, it was all fair and well planning what he’d do once he reached the outskirts of civilisation but he first had to get there.

---

He should have bought a walking stick.

Sero makes it to the wastes, hitching a ride with a farmer whose farmland backed onto them, who felt the need to remind Sero he was crazy for going up into the wastes alone, how nobody who went there ever came back and that he hoped whoever Sero was looking for was worth it. He doesn’t have the heart to tell the man that he’s aware of the first two, just smiling a little sadly and informing him that, yes, the person he was looking for was important. Even if Sero didn’t know who that was just yet, silently hoping it was the man from the alleyway just so he could point out with annoyance at just what he’d inadvertently caused by not letting him be mugged.  

That’s what he tells himself anyway, knowing it in part to be a lie.

He still wants to know how the man knew his name, how he treated him like they not only knew each other but were close. Sero has met many people through his work but he knows full well that whilst he remembers people, they rarely remember him and yet, Mr Mystery was not only unknown to him but also knew enough about Sero to not only call him his given name but kiss his hand. How could he not be intrigued enough to seek him out and demand answers to every question the wizard had been the source of?

Sero shivers as another breeze goes through him, noting bitterly he should have picked up a thicker jacket than the one he wore as well as a stick, huddling down into a small outcropping of trees, pulling the flimsy jacket tighter around him before blowing into his hands. “Biggest I’ve ever been and I still can’t keep fucking warm.” He mutters to himself bitterly, digging into his bag for a bite to eat before setting himself to thinking of warm things.

The hearth in the work room that made the winters so much more bearable. The hot cocoa Koda made for everyone during his breaks at the bakery, including Sero if he happened to be visiting Kaminari. Urakaka and Mina’s attempts at making soups or stews and failing miserably, Sero always eating them despite the way his stomach protested each time, thinking fondly on how they’d improved over the years to the point what they made was now truly edible. How hot the alleyway had been even with the ice cold hand on his waist, how warm the wizards hand had been in comparison when it-

No.

He wasn’t supposed to be thinking about that right now, Sero’s stomach churning. It was his fault he was an old man, his fault he was currently sat in cold moorland and not in his workshop, his fault that everyone he was friends with were probably panicking over his sudden disappearance. No, that one wasn’t his fault, it was Sero’s decision to leave, no matter how much he wanted to blame someone else.

“I should have left a note for them.” He wonders idly, staring at the town in the distance, mouth pressed into a thin line as opposed to one of his usual smiles. They’ll be fine without him, he won’t be gone forever and then he’s return so they can all, rightfully, express their annoyance at him for just absconding into the wilderness without so much as a word never mind a goodbye.

The sound of something rustling makes him jump, Sero scrambling to his feet in a way that wouldn’t have affected his younger body but he’d definitely be feeling later on at this age, turning a little too sharply only to find not a beast but a stick, or should that be a branch, sticking out of the bushes. Had that been there when he’d stopped here earlier or was this just the world granting him a boon to make up for his own personal hell he was experiencing?

Putting his bag back on, Sero moves round to the other side of the outcrop, preferring the idea of not tumbling down the side of the hill should he fall, knowing full well there would be no way he’d manage to get back up the hill with any new pains he’d gain from it. The cold breeze is still present as he grabs the stick in both hands, muttering small curses as he pulled the stick, going as far as to put his foot against a tree for leverage.

“This branch better be damn worth it.” He hisses through clenched teeth, toppling backwards as the branch comes free, revealing not a walking stick like he had hoped but something entirely different. Sero isn’t too proud to admit he screams, a scarecrow that looks more akin to a crucified bird balancing perfectly at his feet, a tattered dark suit covering the frame embellished with red and black feathers that stretched from arms to a flour sack head in a way that made it look like a crown. It’s almost laughable how it looks like a mocking rendition of the missing Prince from the neighbouring kingdom.

Pushing himself to his feet, grunting in pain from his sore back and knees, Sero offers the scarecrow a withering glance before sighing. “Well, there goes my hopes for a walking stick. At least you’re not upside down now.” He grumbles, rolling his shoulders to ease the stiffness settling into them, sighing before setting off again, hands gripping the bag strap as a sense of unease filled him.

He needs to find a place to stay, eyeing the clouds above wearily as they rolled in slowly, thick and dark, the smell of lightning and rain in the air. Kaminari would be happy, he was practically lightning made flesh, but Sero was not his short friend, Sero was not too fond of being caught out in a storm, more so now he knew how cold the wastes were. If only he had actually found a stick in that bush, maybe then he’d move faster than a snail’s pace and have at least a diminishing hope of finding a place to stay tonight as opposed to the none existent one he held onto now.

Sero jumps as something is dropped in front of him, looking down at the offending object, a walking stick, before turning his attention upwards to the looming figure oh the bird turned scarecrow. If this had occurred any other week, Sero knows full well his response to a moving scarecrow would have been one of abject horror, more so down to the thing’s effigy like appearance. “Umm…thanks.”

His back cracks as he bends to pick up the cane, noting with mild amusement the bird head like handle, looking up at the scarecrow again and letting out a breathy laugh. “You must be so proud of yourself, huh?” His response comes in the form of a couple of bounces, Sero not entirely sure why he thought he’d get a verbal one beyond it feeling like a natural conclusion to come to after the day or so. “If you want to find a place for me to stay in tonight too, that would also be helpful.”

The scarecrow bounces away, a lot faster than Sero expected it to move, the cursed man silently wondering just how the scarecrow had come to be and just how it seemed to understand what he was saying to it. Was it also cursed like him or was it simply the product of unspent magic that found its home in an inanimate object? Though, what did he know, his only experiences with magic in life had resulted in the situation he was stuck in.

Hobbling forward, Sero heads in the direction the scarecrow had gone, his legs all too thankful when the ground evened out into something less steep, the lessening ache in his joints feeling heavenly even if he was still in some discomfort, preferring the mild discomfort over the sharper pains that had seemingly haunted his ankles knees and hips on inclines.

He’s not too sure how longer he’s walked for when he smells it, the all too familiar woodsmoke, Sero relaxing and moving forward with as much vigour only for the excitement to come to a crushing end when he hears it. Metal clanks and creaks against itself, the smell of smoke almost suffocating as the sight of both the scarecrow and the house it had found come into view.

Only it wasn’t a house.

That was Shouto’s castle.

“When I said find me a house, I didn’t mean that!” Sero yells, watching as the castle seems to slow its pace, passing the cursed man and scarecrow slowly but never stopping. This had to be a sick coincidence, right? Surely this bird headed scarecrow hadn’t intentionally led a magical walking castle to him, right? He might have come to the wastes looking for a witch or wizard willing to help him out but this was something else entirely, he was hoping for one that didn’t walk hand in hand with a reputation for heart eating.

Any further protests to using the castle are interrupted when the sky rumbles to life, a loud roar of thunder and the crack of lightning somewhere behind him but all too close for comfort. Breaking and entering into a castle owned by a wizard of known incredible power or staying out in a storm? It was an easy enough answer for him to find, stumbling after the castle as the sound of raindrops began to make the metal sing. Why does the castle seem to be speeding up again, had Sero missed his opportunity to enter? Rain biting into the back of his calves as he attempted to catch up, not sure if the sound in his ears was the rumbling thunder or his frantic heartbeat from the sheer effort of trying to at least keep up with the castle.

“Could you decide if you’re letting me in or not already?!” He wheezes out, the burn in his legs almost unbearable, each step feeling like he’s walking on glass as opposed to the rain-soaked grass. It’s unexpected, the way the castle seems to come to a near halt, swinging back on its legs to meet Sero’s next frantic step, the old man stumbling and falling against the stone stairs due to the momentum, hissing from the impact and the pain blooming in his shins and forearms.

He was going to be sore in the morning, shakily pulling himself up with help from both the ramshackle railing and his cane, eyeing the blue door before him before turning to regard the scarecrow, still bouncing after the castle, Sero wondering vaguely if it wanted more praise or if it was simply concerned for his wellbeing. “Thanks,” he says softly, half convinced the scarecrow hadn’t heard him only to witness the scarecrow perform the same bounce it had upon bringing him the stick.

The warmth that hits him upon opening the door is a welcome embrace, Sero walking in without a second glance to the scarecrow, closing the door softly as to avoid alerting anyone to his presence. He may be cursed, worn, far beyond the point of caring anymore but he by no means wished for more misfortunate upon himself, not today at least. Wooden stairs almost feel like a mountain as he climbs them, twelve steps feeling like twelve thousand, yet his lungs feel free, the squeeze of exhaustion having slowly eased out of them.

Sero spots the stool in the dim light of the fire, choosing to ignore the unkempt state of the room he’d entered for now, his sole focus being to sit down and just bask in the heat of the fire. His stick tapping against the floorboards and his grunts whenever he miss stepped where the only thing breaking the silence, Sero using what seemed to be the last of his energy to pull another couple of logs onto the fire before sinking onto the stool, full weight against the stick so he didn’t ultimately fall off.

“You’re not supposed to be in here.” The voice is as groggy as he feels, Sero staring at the slowly awakening fire, vaguely registering the grumpy face staring back at him from it. A fire with a face, off putting but not at all surprising, Sero too relaxed under the heat that seemed to melt his muscles and bones in peaceful welcome. It would take an act of god to move him at this point, that much he was sure of.

“I’m not supposed to be a lot of things.” He’s not supposed to be old. He’s not supposed to focus on work too much. He’s not supposed to attract the attention of witches and wizards. He’s not supposed to doubt his friend’s compliments. He’s not supposed to be sat in the castle of Ice Prince Shouto, having a conversation with the fire place about where or not he should have walked in from the wastes.

The fire regards him, a strange expression on its flames akin to impressed and humoured by Sero’s current state and, in all honesty, he isn’t sure which is worse. “Who the fuck did you piss off to have that happen?” The fire’s voice is gravely, like the crackle of burning wood, Sero finding himself slowly falling asleep only to jolt awake when there’s an annoyed shout of ‘wake up’ followed by an insult.

“I don’t know, didn’t think to ask for a name during the entire exchange.” He jokes, ignoring the unimpressed look on the fire’s flames, feeling the exhaustion begin to creep in once more. Would he still have been this fatigued if he were still his true age? He’s not sure, knowing he’s had stressful enough day to exhaust anyone. “If I can stay the night then I’ll be on my way before-”

“Do you want to break it?”

“Break what?”

“The curse.”  

The silence stretches on, the fire returning Sero’s dumbfounded look with one of mild annoyance. How does he answer that? Of course he wants to break the curse but what could a fire, sentient or not, do to help him? Sure, he had had his doubts about the scarecrow but this was different, the scarecrow could at least move but the fire was well and truly trapped in the hearth. “How do I know you actually want to help me and this isn’t another trick?”

It smirks at him, a little too on the feral side for Sero to feel fully comfortable with it, flames burning a little brighter with what he could only guess to be excitement. “Because you’re not the only one with a curse to break.” That made sense, he supposes, a fair trade of one broken curse for another, Sero wondering just how someone managed to curse a fire before it occurred to him that maybe, just maybe, the fire was in the same position as he was. “Do we have a deal?”

“Sero. My name is Sero.” He replies sleepily, all too ready to fall into the embrace of sleep as he yawned widely, slumping further onto his cane.

“Bakugou.”

“You’ve got a deal.” He mumbles more than says, finally giving himself over to the exhaustion.

[gashinabts]

Why we broke up (2) (m)

Words: 5k

Paring: Jungkook x Reader

Genre: Angst, Smut, Fluff

Summary: “ I know you’ll be a loving mother and a perfect wife, I can just see it in you,” you started sobbing loudly and he wrapped his arms around you for the very last time.

Warning: depression, mention of abortion, sex, slut calling in bed, and so much crying

a/n: Please read the warnings, it can be very triggering.  This is the final part!! I really enjoyed writing this fic, I hope you guys enjoyed reading it too. Please compliment me and tell me what you think, I’m low key a praise whore. :3

Part 1

Jungkook feels like an idiot when he is waiting outside your front lawn waiting for his Uber driver, he feels even more of an idiot when he tries to hide his hard on. He really didn’t expect this, hugging you, kissing you, and touching you. Nevertheless, he enjoyed it since it’s been such a long time he has felt loved, and most importantly it was by you. His Uber arrives and he turns one last time to look at your house, hoping this isn’t the last time he’ll see it.

You rush upstairs to your son's bedroom, while he’s laying in his bed with The Bunny on the Moon in his hands. “Why aren’t you sleeping Eunwoo it’s really late,” you sit beside him, touching his soft hair. “ Mommy, I did fall asleep but then I woke up as soon as I remembered that you forgot to read to me!” You laugh at his response and grab the book, “You want me to read this to you baby?,” he eagerly nods and you start reading. He falls asleep before the book ends and you kiss him softly goodnight on his chubby cheek.

God, tonight was eventful, you decide to take a shower to wash all the tear stains on your face. The hot water hits your body just right and now you can’t stop thinking of Jungkook. When was the last time you had been intimate with a man? Is that why you desperately wanted him to take you on the table. But with Jungkook it was always like that, always wanting him in every way. You start thinking about his hands touching you and his lips kissing you everywhere. Okay, that’s enough you aren’t going to touch yourself thinking about him. 

Now your laying in bed contemplating of texting him, your phone in your hand typing his number effortlessly but then you stop. He probably doesn’t have the same number, and what if he ignores your text like he did many years ago. You should just wait till he text you, you don’t want your feelings getting hurt again. That night you go to sleep with Jungkook on your mind.

Jungkook lays in bed thinking of you, should he text you tonight or tomorrow morning. He remembers when you would always fall asleep early when you guys were together. The next morning Jungkook wakes up extra early shooting you a text.

[Jungkook] Hope you had a good night's sleep! I was wondering if you wanted to hangout today or whenever.

[Jungkook] it’s jungkook by the way

You woke up to the sound of your phone pinging, who the hell wakes up this early. You look at your phone it’s 5:15 am, you look at the bright screen to see Jungkook has message you, now you’re wide awake.

[Y/N] I can't do today or Monday but I’m free Tuesday since I don’t have work

[Y/N] and jungkook don’t text me so early

[Jungkook] yeah that sounds good, I can’t wait to see you.

[Jungkook] sorryyy, I’ll let you get your sleep :p

It’s Tuesday morning and you feel anxious, so anxious you accidentally spill orange juice on Eunwoo’s pants. “Oh baby, I’m sorry, Mommy is all over the place,” you quickly grab a napkin cleaning his pants. You drop Eunwoo off at school, giving him multiple kisses goodbyes.

Jungkook sent you an address to where to meet at, you get out of your car and enter the restaurant looking around for him.

“Y/N over here! You look nice, where’s Eunwoo?,” he stands up from his seat and he goes for hug but stops himself.

“ Thank you, and he’s at school,” you grabbed him by the arm and hug him. His arms are stiffly by his sides but then he relaxes and puts his arms around your waist. You pull apart and sit right across from him. The waitress comes and you both order kimchi jjigae.

“ Y/N, so what have you been up to? Sorry for asking this question so late,” he tilts his head to the side.

“ It’s fine, but I have just been working for the SAC, as head architect, it’s a lot of hard work, but then again I only work three days a week,” you reply while twirling your straw in your drink.

“ Ohh wow... that’s amazing, you always wanted to work for that company. How long have you been working there?”

“ Mmm...let me think, Eunwoo is six...so for like seven years,” the waitress arrives with the food and places them right in front you. “ Be careful it's hot, make sure to blow on it,” you immediately warn as if he was Eunwoo. Jungkook thinks its cute that you said this to him, he likes it when you act on your mother instincts. He starts to think about Eunwoo and how it must've been hard to raise him by yourself, now that he thinks about it, he doesn’t know anything about Eunwoo’s father. He gets angry at the idea of someone abandoning you and Eunwoo.

“ Mmm, it taste so good. Is it too spicy for you Jungkook, you aren’t eating much. I can ask the waiter to give you a new one,” he looks pensive the whole time, your about to call the waiter but then he stops you.

“ Y/N, who is Eunwoo’s father?” The question takes you by surprise, you never liked talking about this to people because by the end of the conversation people start to sympathize with you. You place your spoon to the side, and look outside the window, it’s pretty outside the flowers are blooming and it’s sunny. You don’t want to look into Jungkook's eyes because you know for a fact you’ll start crying.

“ I always wanted a child, to feel a baby grow inside my stomach, to give birth, to breastfeed a baby until it’s content. I just always wanted to be a mother. I love Eunwoo with all my heart, when I carried him in my arms for the very first time, I felt this eternal love. I wanted to protect him from this unfair world, I wanted him to feel love, and I wanted him to always be happy. I felt like a mother–,” you turn your face away from the window and look at Jungkook, “ I adopted Eunwoo.” He looks lost for words, it looks like he wants to ask why. “ I could never have children, I’m infertile.” You look away from him and call the waitress for more rice. “ This is one of the best kimchi jjigae I ever had. How’d you find about this restaurant, Jungkook?” You try to switch the conversation praying that he doesn't ask anymore questions.

Jungkook feels horribly sick, he can taste the bile on his taste buds, his hands feel clammy too. He knows the answer of the question he is about to ask you but he wants to hear you say it.

“ Y/N, when did you find out you were infertile.”

You don’t want to answer that question, you avoid his eyes, and start putting rice in the kimchi jjigae and eating it.

“ Y/N,” he warns.

You stop eating and start staring at the soup, “ It doesn’t matter, it’s in the past.”

“ Just answer the question.”

It physically painful saying it out loud but you say it anyways quietly, “ The day we broke up.”

Ten years ago

You both are laying in bed, Jungkook playing on his phone and you just looking at the ceiling.

“ Baby, would you still be with me if stained all of your favorite white shirts?” You turn to your side face him, he puts his phone down and does the same.

“ Hmm... yes. I could always buy new white shirts but you’ll have to compensate me,” he jokes teasingly.

“ Would you still be with me if I killed someone?”

“ Yes, I’ll even help you hide the body. But you wouldn’t kill somebody, you wouldn’t even let me kill that spider in the kitchen,” he tucks some of the hair that has fallen behind your ear.

“ So you’ll be with me no matter what?” You smile brightly at him, bringing him closer to you.

“ Mmm, no matter what baby,” he says it onto your lips and goes on top of you.

“Fuck—ahh please don’t stop,” you mercilessly plead. He keeps fucking into you while you scratch his back He groans against your ear, his cock stretching you so well.

“ You like when you can feel me this deep? You want to feel this cock forever slut,” while he goes even harder. You can’t think of anything else, you want to answer a million times yes, but all you can do is moan.

He pulls out his cock and you cry, begging him to take you back inside. “ Shhh, you’ll get it. Turn around baby.” You whimper and turn around onto your stomach, face in the sheets, and he spreads your legs. He teasingly rubs his cock against your pussy, “ Mmm your such a slut begging to be fucked and filled. Do you want that?,” he asked you and you nod yes. “ No, I won’t give it to you until you answer me,” he slaps his cock against your pussy.

“ Please fuck me, I need you to feel me up!”

Then you feel him roughly shove his cock in and you feel so good, the pain and pleasure have you moaning uncontrollably.

Your hands grab the sheets tightly and your eyes are rolling back as he fucks you more deeply.

“ Jungkook, can I please come. I’ve been so good for you!” You need to feel your release, your pussy is throbbing, and you want to be overwhelmed with ecstasy.

“ You have been so good for me, you did let me fuck your throat like a dirty slut and it felt really good.” You nod as an agreement, your toes curling a little bit. “ Come for me baby.”

Then you feel yourself spasm with delight, moaning his name over and over again. Your panting loudly and Jungkook keeps thrusting,” I’m gonna fill you up with my come until you can never forget what it feels like,” he whispers in your ears.

You moan as he comes deep inside you, calling your name out like a prayer. You feel him everywhere and you smile at the feeling , you could bask in this feeling forever with him.

He tells you praises in your ear and lightly massages your hips. He pulls out and turns you around, placing one last soft kiss on your lips. He lays beside you, you can’t stop thinking of the answers he gave you before he fucked you. No matter what happens he’ll stay by your side, you smile to yourself.

“ Jungkook, I’m pregnant.” You finally say the thing that’s been on your mind all day. You finally turn to your side to look at him but he gets up quickly. The afterglow he had looked gone and he was blankly staring at you.

“Why are you pregnant?” He finally breaks the silence looking seriously at you.

“ Jungkook, we have unprotected sex sometimes. Things like this happen when you do that.”

“ Y/N, I can’t do this.” You were getting more nervous each time he replies.

“ What do you mean? What have a child with me? You’d say you’ll stay with me no matter what.” Your eyes were tearing up but you hold it in, maybe he’ll come to realization that he wants to have a baby with you.

“ Are you serious, those were hypothetical questions Y/N. I can’t do this, I can’t have a child right now, I’m an idol constantly traveling, I have a future.” Does he’s future not involve you? You try to think of something to make him stay and you know your going to hurt yourself on what your about to say next.

“ Jungkook, I’ll go to the clinic and get an abortion. And then we can pretend this never happened, okay? Then maybe in the future, when it’s just right, we can have a family. Just please stay with me,” your pleading to him, you’ll take the one thing away that you have always wanted to make him stay.

“ Y/N, the pregnancy test is not always 100% accurate, right? Maybe your not pregnant. Go to the hospital tomorrow morning and check. I can’t be here right now.” You watch him from the bed as he starts dressing, he looks at you one last time and leaves. That was the first time in forever he didn’t give you a goodbye kiss. You still feel his come dripping down and you start to sob.

You enter the doctors office, staring at the anatomical posters of pregnant women. You tell Dr. Soo that you took a pregnancy test yesterday and it came out positive and you missed your period. She does a couple test,

“ Y/N, you are not pregnant.” You are confused, you were late on your period. Dr. Soo places her hand against your arm gently. “ The results of the test come out as infertility. You have an irregular menstrual cycle, it’s part of the sign.” You feel hopeless everything around you feels dark, you can’t do the one thing that every woman can do. “  This isn’t uncommon, there are therapist sessions here at the hospital. I know this can be hard on a woman. Also, there alternatives having children, a mother isn’t someone who gives birth to her child, it’s someone who’ll raise their child with unconditional love.

You enter Jungkook’s apartment after visiting the hospital, he’s standing by the table while your sitting down on the chair,

“ So what happened?” You swallow to ease your dry throat and play with your fingers.

“ You were right it wasn’t 100% accurate, I’m not pregnant. I actually can’t–,” then your interrupted with Jungkook’s excited voice. “That’s amazing, one of the best news I ever receive! I wasn’t ready to end my future. Me with a child, ha no way,” he shakes his in disbelief and it hurts you the way he said ‘that’s amazing’.

“ Jungkook, does this mean we’re still together, that your staying with me?” You feel depressed but you give him a hopeful smile.

“ I actually wanted to talk about that with you, I think we both want very different things–no we do want very different things. I don’t see myself in the future married and having kids, not with you or anyone. And I know you always wanted that, you told me that the fourth year we were dating. I know you’ll be a loving mother and a perfect wife, I can just see it in you,” you started sobbing loudly and he wrapped his arms around you for the very last time.

Present

You bring your palm up and rest it under your chin, “ What are you thinking about Jungkook?” His eyes are red and watery, “ I’m thinking about you from ten years ago.” You hum and continue to eat, “ There’s nothing we can do about it now, it was ten years ago,” you finally say.

Jungkook wants to sell his soul off right now in return for making you feel no pain ever. He looks at you and wonders how are you still talking to him. How did you even let him touch you at Eunwoo’s party. “ I don’t care if it's in the past, I put you through so much pain. I was fucking ecstatic when you told me you weren’t pregnant. And then I broke up with you after you found out you were infertile, you went through this alone, I left you alone.” He looks at you and your just looking at him cry with sad eyes. “ I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry... you should’ve fucking kicked me out when I came to your house, spit at me, and curse at me,” he cries out.

“ You wanted me to do that at my son’s birthday party? That would’ve been a memorable birthday for him,” you joke trying to lighten the mood, but he doesn’t stop crying. You muttered a quick, ‘ I’ll be back,’ and pay for the bill at the counter.

“ Jungkook let’s get out of here, people are starting to wonder how I made a very pretty boy cry,” he hiccups a little laugh and you grab his hand taking him to the back seat of your car. He’s still crying and you know he’s trying to stop but it comes in little gasp, you’ve seen this with Eunwoo when he gets really hurt or when you scold him for doing something really bad. So you do the only thing that makes Eunwoo stop crying to Jungkook.

So you cradle his face in your hands, and wiping the tears streaming down with your thumbs. “Why is my baby crying, hmmm, who made my baby cry? You're too pretty to cry.” You kiss his forehead and bring one of your hands to caress his hair, “ Shhh, baby don’t cry, it makes me sad when I see you cry.” You kiss both of his cheeks this time, “Baby do you want me to be sad?,” and he shakes his head. “Then can you calm down for me baby, can you be good for me?,” he still crying a little so you lay him against your breast and he’s nuzzling into it, you can feel his wet face seep into your shirt. You wrap your arms around his back rocking him gently. He stops crying after ten minutes of coaxing but it is still in this position, you check the time on your phone.

“Hey Jungkook,” you whisper to him and he nuzzles more into your breast. “ I need to pick up Eunwoo,” he gets up from you and you take a good look of his puffy face, he looks like a small boy. You push some of the strands of his hair that were sticking up downwards, “Did you take your car here, Jungkook? If not I can take you home but it’s gonna be after we pick up Eunwoo.” He finally speaks but it comes out hoarse, “ Mmm please, I walked over here. I don’t want to be walking home looking like this.” You laugh a little and move to the front seats.

The radio is on but it’s low enough so you guys can talk. Jungkook keeps muttering how ugly he looks while staring at his phone camera. “ There’s wet wipes in my glove compartment, wipe your face. There’s stain tears on your face.” He follows your instructions, and is now looking at you drive.   “ Y/N, I want to say sorry.”

“ It’s fine, Eunwoo used to cry on me a lot so I’m used to having snot and tears on my shirt,” you smile thinking about how your baby boy was so needy.

“ No, that’s not what I mean, I’m sorry for what I did to you on the day we broke up,” he chews his lip while still looking at you.

You want to look at him but you are driving, “ I’ll admit it was painful that day, it hurts when the man you love doesn't want a future with you. Everything reminded me of you, and I didn't know if I loved it or hated it. I remember feeling so hopeless, everything around me felt so colorless, but it doesn’t feel like that anymore. Once, I heard you singing on the radio it made me move on, that you and I do want different things. Then I had Eunwoo, none of the past mattered to me, what mattered was the future with him,” you park your car right in front of Eunwoo’s school. You turn to look at Jungkook, who’s just staring at you, and you give him a kiss on the cheek, “ I’ll be back,” as you leave the car.

Jungkook watches you leave and enter the school building. He’s mind is filled with thoughts, he admires the way you effortlessly speak your mind and how they are filled with acceptance and comfort. But does he still want different things from you? When he first saw you that day at the park, he thought that fate gave him a second chance and when he saw Eunwoo smiling at the presents he gave him, Jungkook knew he wanted to see that smile everyday. He wants to be in yours and Eunwoo’s future, but he is not so sure if you’ll accept him, afterall he did say he didn’t want a future with you in the past. His thoughts are interrupted when he sees you carrying Eunwoo and peppering kisses all over his face as your walking towards the car. Eunwoo’s giggling uncontrollably, Jungkook feels happy looking at the scene, he laughs knowing that Eunwoo will be a Momma’s boy.

You open the car door for Eunwoo, he gets in and lets out a surprised gasp, “ Mr. Jungkook! What are you doing here, wheres Tree!” He looks around excitedly to see if the Shiba Inu will jump out and surprise him. You start the car and drive, “ I’m sorry its just me, Tree is at home. Your Mom and I went to eat lunch.” Jungkook gives Eunwoo a sheepish smile, “ Aww when can I see Tree again?,” as he starts pouting. “ Whenever you want, I know Tree misses you too.” You think its cute seeing them talk together,  “What did you and Mommy eat?”

“ Kimchi jjigae.”

“ No fair! That’s my favorite, why couldn’t you and Mommy wait for me?,” he’s whining and pouting. Jungkook laughs and promises he’ll take him next time, and that he’ll even bring Tree too.

You drop Jungkook at his apartment and tell him that you’ll see him soon. On the way back to your house Eunwoo won’t stop asking questions about Jungkook to you, like what’s his favorite color, or his favorite food. You know all the answers to his questions so you answer him honestly. You enter your house and tell Eunwoo to wash up as you make dinner.

Eunwoo is eating contently, humming while eating, and you clean around the kitchen.

“ Eunwoo, do you like Jungkook?,” you ask clearly.

Eunwoo happily nods, “ Yes Mommy he is very nice and he looks like a bunny.”

You laugh loudly, “ A bunny? What makes him look like a bunny?”.

“ It’s because he has long fluffy hair, and when he smiles he looks like one!”

You start seeing Jungkook more often, he takes you out for lunch on the days your off of work. It’s never awkward or silent when you guys hangout, your always making him laugh and vice versa. He asks if you and Eunwoo can have dinner with him, and he talks with Eunwoo the whole time while you fondly stare at him.

You don’t know what the label of the relationship is, sometimes he’ll hold your hands or rest his hand on your thigh, and sometimes you’ll kiss him on his cheeks or hug him from behind. Jungkook gets closer to your son too, on Saturday mornings he’ll take Tree and Eunwoo to the park, while you sleep in. It goes like this for eight months and you enjoy it.

One day you were cooking dinner for Eunwoo and Jungkook, Eunwoo was in the backyard playing with Tree, while Jungkook was helping you cook.

“ Y/N, I want a future with you, I want to be in Eunwoo’s future too,” he confesses to you. You stop cutting the vegetables and look at him, he’s giving you the most loving look, “ I want that too,” you confess before placing a kiss on his lips.

Jungkook spends the night in your house, just holding each other and placing soft kisses. The next morning you get out of Jungkook’s arms and make Eunwoo breakfast, and take him to school. You go to clean up the mess you made and wash the dishes. Then you feel him hug you from the back, burying his face in your neck. “ Why didn’t you wake me up to help you?” You shake your head no, “It’s okay, I’m finished,”  you turn of the faucet and leaned back against his chest. Time slows when your in his arms, you feel relaxed. You feel his hands go under your shirt, lightly touching your stomach, he starts kissing your neck, lightly sucking here and there. His hands go high up to your breast, touching lightly under the swell of it and then brings it back down to your stomach.

Your getting antsy, you want him to touch you more, so you grab both of his hands and place them on your breast. You hear him groan into your neck, he rubs your breast and then pinching your nipples. “ Jungkook—,” you moan while your hands go behind you and grab his nape. He gets the message and kisses you from the side messily, continues to touch your breast. “ Mmm, baby I’m so wet,” you breath the words into his mouth. “Fuck, your so beautiful,” he replies and turns you around to face him. “ Y/N can I take off your pants?,” fingers tapping the button of the jeans. “ Yes please.” He unbuttons it and pulls your jeans down. You step out of them and you take off your shirt, now your just only in your panties. Jungkook gets a good look at you and crashes his lips on you, the kiss is filthy but you love it. He lifts you up, still kissing you, and carries you to the bedroom.

He lays you gently on the bed, leaving open kisses on your breasts moving downwards to your stomach, he leaves one last kiss above your panties, and then pulls down you panties. “ You are so wet, and it’s all for me” he traces his finger against your pussy. “ Ahh—just fucking fuck me. I need you right now,” you sit up and pull his shirt off, and he takes off his sweatpants and boxers.

You lay back as he hovers you, you grab his hard cock pumping it up and down in your hands. He starts groaning in your ear, “ Jungkook, do you have a condom?” He springs up from your neck and looks surprised, “ No...I don’t have one on me but I’m clean I haven’t had sex with anyone since that day in the park.” You don’t want him to fuck you raw because that means he won’t pull out since he’ll get lost in the feeling. You shake your head, “ I don’t know…can you not come in me?” Jungkook smiles and nods eagerly, “ Trust me, I’ll pull out right before I come.” He puts his cock inside you, and moans your name loudly. You feel him stretching you and it feels painful, it's been many years since you had sex with a man. “ Tell me when to start moving baby,” he places soft kisses against your face to ease the pain. You tell him to start moving and it starts to feel more pleasurable for you. He’s hitting it just right, and your hands start holding tight around his arms, “ Fucking hell babe, your so tight. It feel so good.” He kisses you and you try your best to return the kiss but you can’t stop moaning with pleasure. “ Jungkook, I’ll always be tight for you, only for you,” and he fucking loses it when you say this to him, he starts thrusting faster and deeper.  One of his hands goes to your pussy rubbing your clit, and you can’t hold it any more. “ Come for me Y/N, be a good girl and come.” Everything goes white and you moan his name loudly, hands grabbing any part of him, pulling him closer to you. “God… your so fucking hot when you come. Did it feel good for you baby?” You feel delirious and nod your head, “ Baby, don’t forget to pull out.” He moans an okay, and keeps thrusting into you deeply, you can tell he is about to come, his abs are contracting and is pounding harder, you call his name multiple times, you try to warn him but it all sounds like moans to him. His eyes are closed and he looks lost at the feeling. “ Y/N, I love you. I love you so much,” he says as he comes right inside you.

He lays on top of your body breathing deeply into your neck, you can’t stop thinking of the come that’s inside you, your disgusted of the feeling of it. You don’t say anything, you push him off of you, you can feel the come drip out of you as you walk into the shower. You try to wash it out but you can still fill it, and then you start crying. You start to get that vivid memory, of Jungkook leaving you with come inside of you.

“ Fuck, I’m so stupid,” Jungkook shouldn’t have fucked you bare, he should’ve just ate you out when you were hesitant of having sex without a condom. He didn’t think you would push him off though, he remembered when you guys were younger, you would let him come inside you many times, saying how you love the feeling. He gets up from the bed and walks to the bathroom.

You hear Jungkook’s footsteps and you stop crying, hoping he didn’t hear you. He enters the bathroom standing behind the shower glass, he lightly taps it, “ Y/N, I’m sorry. I told you to trust me but I ended up doing the opposite. It hurts me to see you unhappy, and it hurts even more when I’m the cause of it,” You can’t see him clearly because of the steam and the water droplets from the shower, but you tap your finger lightly against the glass. “ Tap twice if you want me to stay here with you, Tap once if want me to leave you in peace,” you don’t want him to leave alone you need to hear his voice, so you tap twice. “ Can you tell me what’s going on in your pretty brain? You can yell at me, I deserve it,” he leans his forehead against the glass.

“ You left me forever the last time you came in me, I don't like- the semen, it makes me feel awful. My therapist told me the reason I breakdown and feel that way, is because of that traumatic experience. It’s not just with you, I hooked up with a guy a couple years ago and he came in me, I just started sobbing-,” you let out a small laugh, “...um and he freaked out and bought me so much ice cream to calm me down.” It’s quiet for a few seconds, except for the sound of the shower. “ Y/N can I come in the shower?” You slide open the shower glass for him, letting out a small yes. He enters the shower, “ Can I hold you?” You nod your head yes and he wraps his arms around you. It feels more intimate since you are both naked, “ Y/N, I’ll castrate myself for you, I don’t need to have sex, I can just hold you like this forever. Being with you is more than enough for me.” You laugh against him, “ Please don’t do that and I don’t want you to stop having sex with me.” He brushes your wet hair out of your face and stares into your eyes, “ Baby, I know how you like the phrase ‘the past is in the past’, but I want to know more about what you’ve been through while I was gone, I want to know how your feeling. I want to be better for us.”  You kiss him gently on the lips as a small okay, and he gets out of the shower, and wrapped a towel around you.

After watching a couple movies while cuddling, you guys had to pick up Eunwoo from school. You park your car, kiss Jungkook on the cheek and was about to leave but then he stops you. “ I’ll get Eunwoo,” he kisses your cheek and walks towards the school. This is the first time he’s ever done this, and it tugs your heart a little. You hear a bark from the backseat, “ Shhh, Tree your suppose to be quiet to surprise Eunwoo,” you pat his head a little. You look towards the front and see Jungkook carrying Eunwoo giving multiple kisses on his chubby cheeks. Your baby is happily giggling with each kiss and Jungkook is staring lovingly at him.

This is your future, Eunwoo and Jungkook. ( and Tree)

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Do not repost, translate, or alternate my work in any way, onto any platform. I do not take plagiarism lightly.

[stolethekey]

we could be a beautiful miracle, unbelievable

for @johnny-and-dora; sorry your assigned gifter couldn’t write you a fic! hopefully this is some consolation. i was dying at the idea of a soulmate au but the turnaround time was so short i couldn’t really gather inspiration for it, so here’s some peraltiago fluff + pre-relationship pining!! happy summer hope you enjoy

and shoutout to the crew at @b99fandomevents for putting so much work into this event!! thanks for giving me the opportunity to write an extra fic ;)

read on ao3

If Amy Santiago has a fatal flaw, it is not hubris.

It may seem like she is overly proud, at times—she can be prone to excessive humble-bragging, and Gina is the first to point out that she slips mentions of her achievements into daily, mundane conversations—but underneath the veneer of confidence lies a crippling self-doubt that refuses to let go of her thoughts. It’s the same anxiety that keeps her up at night, wondering whether she truly earned her promotion to detective and whether she should actually still be a beat cop. It’s the one that whispers remember when Jake beat you in arrests? at random times throughout the day, even though that bet ended almost an entire year ago and Jake’s fake date wasn’t nearly as terrible as she thought it was going to be.

Apparently, it’s called “imposter syndrome,” and she has it bad.

But Amy is nothing if not practical, and she’s mostly learned to manage it. She flaunts her achievements publicly so that the doubt stays buried in her mind, and her colleagues are none the wiser. In a way, she thinks, the uncertainty is helpful—it means she’s constantly pushing herself, constantly trying to be better, and that’s a good thing.

It’s a good thing, which is why she doesn’t question her decision to throw a New Year’s Eve party for the Nine-Nine.

Last year’s Thanksgiving fiasco is still fresh in her mind, and even though she knows that it is objectively questionable to be so hung up about a party that she tried to throw a full year ago, she can’t help feeling like she needs to make up for it, like she needs to prove she can organize a fun event for her co-workers that doesn’t end in eating takeout at the precinct.

Plus, everyone at the Nine-Nine is closer now, which is evidenced by the fact that Jake barely bats an eye when she asks him to dress up.

“Why, got a hot new boyfriend you need me to make jealous?”

She winces slightly, but the regret that appears immediately in his eyes is enough to make her force a smirk. “Yeah, it’s that flasher I arrested last week.”

“Ew—”

“What can I say? He really made an impression.”

Jake laughs, and she determinedly ignores the way her stomach jolts at the way the corners of his eyes crinkle.  

“So, six-thirty then? You can bring Sophia.”

His amusement fades into a soft smile that definitely does not make Amy feel warm and jittery inside. “I’ll be there. Sophia’s out of town, though—she’s spending the holidays with her parents.”

“Oh,” Amy says, trying not to sound too cheerful. “That’s too bad, seeing as I was planning on making my famous roast turkey to impress her.”

Jake snorts, but before he can say anything, Charles has somehow appeared at the edge of their desks, his face full of panic. “Amy, I love you, but please let me cook that turkey, please—”

“I was kidding,” she protests, trying to shove him away. “I’ve admitted defeat in the culinary world, okay? I’m gonna go get pasta beforehand.”

“Yeah, Charles, relax,” Jake says, grinning widely. “But you should still bring those octopus balls. Santiago loves those.”

Amy throws her stapler at him.

 ---

“Is this New Year’s-y enough?” Amy asks Kylie in the dressing room of the mall Express.

Kylie sighs. “Yes. It’s beautiful and you look beautiful wearing it, just as you have in the last ten dresses you’ve tried on. It’s just a house party for you and your coworkers, whom you see literally every day. There is no need to be this anxious.”

“I’m not anxious, I just want to make a good impression. If I’m asking everyone else to dress up, I have to look the part myself.”

“Mmmhmm,” Kylie hums, reaching over to unzip the back of Amy’s dress. “Well, whatever you’re not anxious about is going to lose his mind when he sees you in this. Seriously.”

“He has a girlfriend,” Amy snaps, shimmying out of the dress and snatching her leggings off the wall. “And this isn’t for him.”

It’s not, really, but as she walks out of the store with a shopping bag in hand, she wonders if it maybe is, just a little bit.

Her excitement is completely gone the morning of, as she wakes up with what feels like a throat full of sawdust and a sledgehammer pounding away at her head. She groans as she forces herself out of bed and into the shower, where she stays until the water runs cold and her shivering has gotten undeniably out of control.  

She steps out of the tub, wincing as the cold air hits her skin, and dries herself off as quickly as possible. The kitchen seems indomitably far away but she somehow manages to make it, pulling her sweatpants up as she walks down the hallway. It takes her what feels like an hour to make some tea and force some oatmeal down, and by the time she swallows her cold medicine her body feels like it has already run a marathon.

Ordinarily, her frustration at the situation would be more than overwhelming, but her head is throbbing, and as she types out a long, apologetic text message the only thing she can muster is a faint sense of defeat. Her eyes are already closing as she presses send, and she crawls back into bed with no more than a twinge of regret.

When she wakes up again, two things register in her mind: it’s dark outside, and her doorbell is ringing off the hook.

She gives a slight whimper of frustration as she slides out of bed, grabbing her sweatshirt and her phone on the way into the hallway.

“Unless I ordered some extra-strength Tylenol in my sleep,” she grumbles, yanking the door open, “I don’t want—oh.”

Jake’s eyes widen as they travel up and down her body, taking in her old T-shirt and disheveled hair.

“Sorry I’m late, I got stuck on the phone with my mom—um, did you prank me? Was this a pajama party?”

“No, I—I texted,” she manages to croak out, wincing at the sting in her throat. “Look—” She unlocks her phone and thrusts it halfheartedly at him.

“Oh,” Jake says, glancing at her open messages tab. “Um—you only sent it to Boyle.”

“What? Fuck—”

“It’s okay,” he says quickly, handing her phone back. “You’re sick, you were obviously just sleeping, I’m sorry—”

“No, it’s my fault,” Amy mutters. She wonders dimly how everyone but Jake somehow knew not to come, but the pounding in her head overpowers her brief curiosity. “Sorry, you could’ve made other plans—”

“Nah, I would’ve just been watching Die Hard.”

“Okay,” Amy says numbly. She tries to say something else, but neither her mouth nor her brain seems to be working properly. “I’m cold.”

Jake laughs softly, then steps inside, setting his eight-dollar bottle of wine on the floor. “Come on,” he says, turning her gently by her shoulders. “I’ll guide you back to bed.”

He watches her shuffle across her bedroom floor, drink a glass of water, and crawl back underneath the covers before backing out of the room. The gentle smile on his face as he closes the door is the last thing she sees before she drifts off again.

--

She wakes to the smell of chicken soup.

It’s wafting through her bedroom door, so she gets up and opens it, noting with some relief that the pain in her throat has lessened somewhat. Taylor Swift’s New Year’s Day plays softly as she walks down the hallway, and as she emerges into her kitchen, she sees Jake bent over the sink, his jacket lying on her couch.

“Hi,” she says softly, ignoring the way her heart skips at the sight of him washing dishes in her kitchen.

“Hi,” he smiles, pausing the music and turning to look at her. “How’re you feeling?”

“Better,” she says honestly, noting that a mini pharmacy now sits next to a glass of water on her kitchen counter. “You—um, you’re still here?”

“Oh—uh, yeah, I hope that’s okay—I was going to leave, but you seemed really sick, and I just—”

“No, I’m glad,” she mumbles, and he grins. Her stomach flips a little, and she clears her throat. “Is that soup I smell?”

“Oh, yeah.” He gestures at the pot on the stove. “It’s an old family recipe—my mom used to make it for me whenever I got sick, so I figured—”

Her eyes land on a bag on the counter and she freezes, her hand in the utensil drawer. “And those potato pancakes?”

“Um, I bought them,” he says, and he’s definitely blushing. “Just in case you didn’t like the soup.”

She can hear Kylie laughing at her as she makes her way over to the stove, trying to hide her smile. “I can like two things.”

He laughs, then grins at the noise she makes as the soup hits her taste buds. “Good?”

“This is incredible,” she says, pouring herself a hefty serving. “I can’t believe you can cook.”

“Well, I can’t, really. But I made my mom teach me that recipe after I moved out. Just feels like home, you know?”

She smiles as she brings the bowl to her lips. “Yeah.”

Jake puts the plate he was washing in her dish rack, and as he wipes his hands on her dish towel she feels a sudden surge of completely unwelcome affection. “So,” he says, wiggling his eyebrow at her, “feeling up to a game of Go Fish?”

She rolls her eyes as she brushes past him, grabbing the glass of water as she goes. “I’m sick, not an eight-year-old child.”

He snorts, but produces a deck of cards anyway, and as they settle onto Amy’s living room rug she tries her best not to get comfortable.

It doesn’t work, even as he has a girlfriend he has a girlfriend he has a girlfriend keeps parading through her thoughts, and she completely loses track of time as they laugh their way through every card game in the books and multiple rematches.

She has just triumphantly laid her final cards down in their game of Speed when something explodes outside, sending Jake shooting to his feet.

“Fireworks!”

She takes his offered hand and stands up. “It’s already midnight?”

“Guess so.” Jake pulls the curtains back as a shower of green bursts spectacularly through the sky. “Sorry you did all that work for a party that didn’t happen.”

“It’s not a big deal,” she says, and she finds that she means it. “There’ll always be more chances. There are plenty of holidays for me to torture people.”

He chuckles. “Still—it sucks that you got sick today, of all days. It’s kind of a shitty way to start the year.”

She gazes through her window, her eye catching his reflection in the glass. “Oh, I don’t know,” she says softly. “It’s not so bad.”

Amy can feel his eyes on her, and for some reason she turns to meet his gaze. She thinks there are flecks of gold in the brown of his eyes, and as the fireworks continue to explode the gold morphs into blues, then greens, then reds and yellows. She feels no desire to tear herself away from the kaleidoscope of color in front of her, and she swallows as a massive cheer arises from the ground beneath her window.

Jake clears his throat and looks away, his fingers playing at the hem of his shirt. She follows his lead, turning to watch the crowd beneath her building dance drunkenly down the street. A slight disappointment works its way into her gut, but there is a sliver of hope along with it—misplaced optimism, maybe, but a brief glimpse of something that could be.

And despite all the planning, all the agonizing and dress-buying for a party that imploded so suddenly, Amy feels mostly at peace. Her therapist would be proud, she thinks. She wonders how much of it is thanks to the presence of the man standing next to her, gazing at the explosions of color outside with an almost childlike wonder in his eyes.

There are times she thinks she missed her chance, but today is the first day of a new year. And what are new years for if they’re not for second chances, anyway?

Her voice is soft when she speaks. “Happy New Year, Jake.”

It takes only a moment before he answers, a slightly wistful smile on his face. “Happy New Year, Ames.”

[gayliensav]

Holding Hands While the Walls Come Tumbling Down (2/?)

Chapter One

The Dark Side realm is in trouble when the strongest of them resurfaces. Deceit and Remus are forced to run and hide out in the place they’d least be expected: the imagination.

Eventual Roman/Deceit, mostly focusing on the relationships between Roman & Remus (not romantic…obviously), Remus & Deceit, Deceit & Virgil, the Dark Sides (including Virgil), and some very vague Logan/Patton in the background, but barely noticeable.

Trigger warnings for this chapter: Vague mention of unwanted romantic advances, not between any canon characters.

Author’s Note: So I recently realized I should have offered to do a taglist for this fic, so shoot me a DM/ask or simply comment “taglist” in the replies to be added. Also thank you for all the likes and reblogs the first chapter got, it kept me inspired to write another chapter!

Roman sat at the dinner table, his mind somewhere else...on his room, to be precise, and the two sides hiding in there. It wasn’t a new thing for him to daydream during dinner...or any other time, actually. 

He glanced up and saw Patton and Logan talking to each other and Virgil sitting slumped in his seat, his arms wrapped around himself (also a normal thing) and a headphone in his right ear, listening to a podcast, probably.

It took a lot of energy, cloaking three full sides, especially trying to make it so the anxious side didn’t notice.

He just wanted to tell someone, maybe Virgil…

“What?” Virgil grumbled when he saw him staring.

“Your eyeshadow seems darker,” Roman said simply. It was true, he’d noticed the other opting for a darker version of his eyeshadow lately...even though it was a way to divert his attention.

“And?” Virgil raised an eyebrow.

“Doesn’t that mean you’re more anxious?” Roman asked.

“I’m always anxious,” Virgil snorted before putting his other earbud in and promptly ignoring him.

Virgil wasn’t allowed noise-cancelling headphones at the dinner table anymore, but he still used his earbuds.

“You were gone for a while, Roman,” Patton commented, “Another adventure?” he asked, when Logan finally finished telling him about something Thomas had been reading recently.

“Just upkeep, really,” Roman gave a one-armed shrug, “I’ve been trying to evict Remy, but he seems to be making himself at home.”

“He is your creation, after all. Popularity gives him life,” Logan explained, pointing with his spoon.

“Doesn’t make him any less annoying,” Virgil snorted, obviously still listening.

“We should start inviting him to dinner,” Patton smiled.

Roman stared at him for a moment before nodding, “Yes…” he trailed off awkwardly, “Uh...I’m actually going off on an adventure soon, mind packing me some leftovers?”

“Of course!” Patton smiled, “Don’t push yourself too hard though, kiddo.”

“I know,” Roman said, giving him a wink, “Thanks, dad,” he said sarcastically.

_________________________________________________________

Roman walked through the woods again that night, a bag slung over his shoulder along with a bag full of tupperware containers from Patton.

He didn’t need to know who the food was for.

Roman smiled when he saw Copper sitting on the porch and waved his hand, a bowl of food for him appearing.

“Good boy,” he said softly, patting his head before going inside.

And blanket was immediately thrown over him.

“I GOT HIM!” Remus yelled, hitting him with something, though it wasn’t very hard.

“You absolute idiot, it’s Roman!” Deceit snapped.

Roman sighed, tossing the sheet off of himself and glaring at his brother, “You’re lucky Patton’s tupperware is top-notch, or you wouldn’t have gotten any food,” he rolled his eyes, “And where’s your weapon? You hit me with a stick.”

“We left everything behind,” Remus said, snatching the containers quickly and running over to Deceit, kneeling down quickly.

Roman watched in fascination. His brother was so...different right now. 

He quickly shook it off and put the rest of the things on the dining room table; well…dining room area. The living room was on one side of the long room and the kitchen area was on the other, the dining table in it. It had been put together hastily, when Roman was creating this area of the imagination. He really just had the cabin for the outside look of it, the classic cabin in the snowy winter. He never intended to actually have to use it and now he felt quite embarrassed to be making Deceit stay here. It wasn’t his best work.

“I brought you a new shirt, whenever you feel up to changing,” Roman told him, “Along with a change of clothes for each of you, something warmer, but to go with each of your respective styles,” he explained, taking them from the bag, “It can get quite chilly around these parts of the imagination.”

Remus raised an eyebrow and grabbed the green sweater from the table, “You could have at least given me something a little more me,” the creative side said, taking the dark green sweater and making it a lot lighter and more neon before going in the other room, glancing at Deceit as he did.

That left the two of them.

“Here,” Roman said softly, going over and helping Deceit to sit up, “You’re going to choke if you try to eat like that.”

“Thank you,” Deceit said softly, wincing in obvious paint and hissing under his breath as he moved.

“It’s going to be a while before you’re fully healed,” Roman explained, “You both can stay here until then.”

“We don’t belong here, I practically feel the light burning my skin,” Deceit said, sarcasm dripping from the statement.

Roman stirred the soup in the container thoughtfully, “I never agreed to that, y’know...the whole...separating thing. It doesn’t make sense when we’re all a part of the same person. We all have our flaws.”

“That we do,” Deceit said, taking the container back, “I was stabbed in the stomach, not the mouth. I don’t need you feeding me.”

Roman sighed, “Deceit, is this...Rage someone we need to be worrying about?”

“There is no we,” Deceit snapped, “Unless you are referring to Remus and I. We will take care of the dark side issues as we always do. Do not tell the others about this.”

“But if it’s a danger to Thomas-” Roman started.

“WE WILL HANDLE IT!” Deceit snapped, his voice loud but not in his full “dark side” voice, “Go about your normal business as usual. There is nothing you can do and we will handle him.”

“You’re still a part of Thomas and I don’t want the two of you getting hurt!” Roman said, getting angry enough that he stood up and glared at Deceit, “We all have the same host, you trying to take on all the responsibility isn’t going to help.”

“But it’s how it is,” Deceit snapped, “This conversation is over.”

“You can’t just end the conversation-” Roman started.

Headphones, similar to Virgil’s noise-cancelling ones but yellow, appeared on Deceit’s head and he went back to eating.

“Try not to take offense to it,” Remus said, walking out from changing, now sporting a bright green sweater, “Dee has been in charge of us for so long he forgets to take care of himself. He’s used to being in charge, even when things get...out of hand.”

“Are things out of hand?” Roman asked, still looking over at Deceit.

“Yes,” Remus nodded, “They are.”

“Let’s talk elsewhere,” Roman said quietly, eyes still on Deceit, before he turned and walked outside, pulling his coat tighter around himself.

Remus grabbed his own green one that Roman had put on the table before heading out as well, nodding to Deceit as he did.

____________________________________________________________

“When we split up into light and dark, we got the worst of the worst. But at the time...it didn’t matter. We were all in our teens and Virgil and Dee were at their most powerful. They sealed away the sides that could actually hurt us with their combined forces. After Virgil left, Dee tried to keep things up, but it was only a matter of time…”

Roman sat on the porch under the stars and the light of the moon, looking over at his twin brother as he spoke. Remus wasn’t looking at him though, he was staring up at the moon. 

“Jealousy was first...he’s a total creep. A little jealousy is healthy, it’s human, but when there’s an actual embodiment of it…” Remus trailed off and cleared his throat, “He immediately tried to...come after me, when Virgil was gone. Dee always protected me, taking the brunt of everything from him,” he took a shaky breath and scrubbing his face with his hands, “Rage was always supposed to be our leader though, you know? Rage was Logan’s opposite...he makes you act illogically, irrationally,” he shrugged, “But...he was always too dangerous.

Without Virgil there to stop him, he broke out. And here we are,” Remus chuckled bitterly, “Once Rage and Jealousy hook up, we’re in trouble.”

“How do we stop them?” Roman asked.

“Honestly? Unless Virgil would be willing to help Dee to seal them away again, I don’t know,” Remus sighed, “We’re all...so different, but at the end of the day, we all protect the same host. I know we don’t always get along but if you’re asking me, we’re going to have to work together to stop this.”

“You actually think you could get them to work together?” Roman asked.

Remus laughed, a high pitched, dramatic laugh, “Oh, brother, they would never listen to me. I couldn’t even get Deceit to agree to tell the others.”

“Well he can’t exactly stop me,” Roman snorted.

“Have you forgotten his powers? Yes, he can,” Remus rolled his eyes, “And even if he didn’t stop you, there’s no way to get you light sides to work with us, not with Patton in charge.”

“He’d listen if it was for Thomas…” Roman trailed off.

Remus shook his head before standing up, “Thank you for the food and the place to hide,” he gave him a weak, half smile, “I must admit, it does feel a little good to be home.”

“The castle construction finished a few years ago, you could...come and see it sometime,” Roman said hesitantly, a half smile in return.

Remus just hummed to himself, turning around and going back inside.

Next Chapter: Go Fish

____________________________________________________________

TAGLIST

@princeyssash

[theydontknowaboutusimagines]

Meaning of Life - Harry Styles Series (Part 16)

Part 15

The first interview of your promotion tour in the UK was with BBC Radio 1 during The Breakfast Show with none other than Nick Grimshaw, so of course, Harry would be tagging along. You hated waking up early in the morning, which Harry knew, so that’s why you were greeted with your favorite coffee and muffin. 

“Why do they have to make radio shows so fucking early,” you mumbled. 

“So people have something to listen to on their way to work,” he said. 

“Yeah, well that’s why there are iPods and CDs,” you said taking a sip of the coffee, not really caring that it burnt your tongue. 

“You’re really adorable in the morning you know that,” he laughed. 

You glared at him before taking a huge bite of your muffin. 

He laughed, “I’m going to turn the shower on, let it get warm and then you can join me whenever you force yourself out of bed.” 

“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” you said. 

He got off the bed and went into the bathroom. He grabbed two large, fluffy towels, and placed them near the shower. He reached inside and turned the knob all the way to the left and started taking off his clothes. You walked in shortly after, doing the same and walking into the shower. 

After about ten minutes, you both got out and got dressed before getting in the car and heading to the studio. 

You sighed looking at your email from your manager who was meeting you at the studio. “So, apparently, not only do I have the Breakfast Show interview, they’re changing my live lounge recording from Thursday to today, now. And the afternoon interview I with Graham Norton is postponed until tomorrow.” 

“Wow,” he said. “ You’re basically going to be at the BBC Studios all day.” 

“Yay,” you groaned. 

“Well, at least you get these out of the way and maybe now you’ll have a free slot on Thursday,” he said. 

“Which would be a perfect day to go out with your sister,” you smirked. 

He groaned, “Not this again.” 

“Yes, this again,” you smirked. “Why does this bother you so much? I mean he could eventually be your brother in law one day.” 

Harry rolled his eyes. 

“You know.. if I had a better relationship with my brothers, I’d like to go out with them and their significant others,” you said. 

He sighed taking your hand into his, ”I’m sorry, I’ll call Gemma and see if they’re free,”  he said. 

“Thank you,” you smiled. 

“Speaking of your brothers, have either one of them reached out?” He asked. 

“Nope,” you said. “Which I’m shocked to be quite honest because I figured after our blow up with my parents, they would have called yelling at me for treating my parents that way.” 

“Maybe they don’t know what happened,” he said. 

“Oh, no, I’m sure they do,” you said. “My parents tell them everything, especially if it’s bad about me.” 

He sighed, “Well, either they didn’t tell them about it or your brother’s don’t care enough to throw a tantrum.” 

“Either way... I guess I lucked out on my end,” you said. 

Harry smiled kissing your hand. “Ready for this interview?” 

“Don’t exactly have a choice do I?” you joked. 

He laughed as you both got out of the car. You had gotten out first and as soon as you did, you were faced with an onset of screaming and crying. Harry got out after you, which made the screaming even louder. You both made your way through the crowd, saying hello to who you could and signed as much as you could before heading inside. 

**

You were now hooked up for the interview and ready to go. You were on in just a few minutes after the current song was finished playing. You felt your palms sweating and your heart race a bit as you waited. Waiting always made you nervous and anxious because you didn’t have anything to really distract you. 

Both Harry and your manager were behind the glass of the studio, chatting away, while Nick was looking over his notes. So you were sort of swiveling around in your chair a bit as you waited. 

“Goooood Morning, London!!! We’re back and you just heard No Tears Left to Cry by Miss Ariana Grande, now we’re on the air with Y/N! Who has just released her debut album that’s hit number one in multiple countries and continues to stay there. This is her first interview in the UK for this album and I’m so thankful you’ve chosen me to lose your UK virginity to,” he joked. 

You laughed shaking your head,” I’m glad you feel so honored.” 

“Well, it’s not every day that we have a record-breaking artist in the studio,” he said. 

“Hm, well it’s not every day that I’m in the same room with such a dashing Englishman like yourself,” you smirked. 

“HEY!” Harry snapped from the other side of the glass. 

Nick laughed,” We see who’s the favorite! In case you heard a random voice in the background that was Harry Styles, Y/N’s boyfriend and my dear friend, who’s a bit alright, I guess.” 

“Just a bit,” You smirked. 

“Anyway, speaking of Harry Styles, I know you’ve touched based on this in the past, but what do you have to say to everyone who claims you’ve only made it this far because of being linked to Harry?” Nick asked. 

“You just go right in, don’t you? No, like what’s your favorite color?” You laughed. 

“No, love, it’s like ripping off a band-aid,” he joked. 

“Well, I’ve said before that I was successful in the industry before I even met Harry. I had countless number ones on the radio, in both pop and country. I’ve won numerous Grammy’ s for my songwriting, etc... all before working with Harry. It’s just now, I’ve decided to come out from behind the songs and be the face of my own music. The fact that I’ve done so well on my own, should prove my own talent because I’m able to be successful as both a songwriter and an artist. I’m the female Ed Sheeran if you will,” you said. 

“Ooohh, well said,” Nick said. “And I completely agree. One hundred percent. I actually did some research for a change and at one point every single song on the top ten was written or was co-written by you. I mean that’s insane... the only other person to do that in this generation is, in fact, Ed Sheeran.” 

“I guess that’s why we’re best friends,” you joked. 

“Best Friends who rule the world,” Nick laughed. 

**

You were now back in Harry’s House, well over twelve hours since you left the house. Your throat was scratchy, your feet hurt, and your stomach was rumbling from lack of food. Harry had picked up some food on the way home and now you were eating it on the couch, while a movie played in the background. 

As soon as you walked in, you changed into some leggings and one of Harry’s hoodies from the tour and ate your soup. 

“Today went really well, what do you think?” Harry asked. 

“It did, but I’m wore the fuck out,” you sighed. “I hope tomorrow isn’t as bad since I don’t have to be up before the sunrises.” 

He laughed, “I was proud of you today.” 

“Thank you,” you smiled. “So, you think I handled my own?” 

“Better than I ever did when I first started out,” he said. 

“Well, to be fair I am a bit older starting out and I’ve been around the business for a few years,” you said. 

“True,” he said. 

You yawned as you finished the last few bites of your soup and put the bowl onto the coffee table in front of you. 

“You’re ready for bed aren’t you?” He asked. 

“Just a bit,” you laughed laying your head against the back of the couch. 

“Come here,” he smiled picking you up. 

“Aww,” you smiled holding onto him as he carried you to the bedroom. 

“Why don’t you get some sleep,” he said. “I’ll be in my writing room working on some things.” 

“Okay,” you nodded. 

He smiled leaning down to kiss you, “I love you.” 

“I love you too,” you whispered. “Thank you for being there for me today.” 

“You’re welcome, baby,” he said. “Now, get some rest. You’ve got a big day tomorrow.” 

You smiled cuddling up under the blankets and falling asleep as soon as your head hit the pillow. 

[ongsniel]

[request] what can i do? (i have already fallen for you)

AUTHOR: ongniels (ali) FANDOM: WANNA ONE/Produce 101 RATING: PG-13 PAIRING: Ong Seongwoo/Kang Daniel WORD COUNT: 4,1k WARNING: Panic attacks SUMMARY: “You are in love with Daniel, right?“

The question echoes in his head over and over again, he can’t get it out of his head, no matter how much he tries to. The whole day, it’s been the only thing he could think about because, fuck, it can’t be true.

He can’t be in fucking love with Kang Daniel. 

[AO3]

“You are in love with Daniel, right?“

The question echoes in his head over and over again, he can’t get it out of his head, no matter how much he tries to. The whole day, it’s been the only thing he could think about because, fuck, it can’t be true.

He can’t be in fucking love with Kang Daniel.  

All throughout their schedule, Seongwoo just numbly walks from place to place, shooting his photos without even noticing, he just does what he is asked to and then, when he is finally done, sits down on the nearest, most comfortable surface.

He is slumped on the couch of their current photo shoot locations, hands tiredly rubbing his face as he tries to grab onto the last remains of his sanity.

This is not right, he can’t be. No. It’s bullshit.

Seongwoo receives one of Jisung’s worried smiles for the tenth time today from across the room, he just plasters a fake toothy grin on his face.

He needs to find out the truth, he needs to know if he really… loves Daniel like that.

If he were in any other situation, he wouldn’t mind to actually like his group mate but they are celebrities now and there’s no way they could date, or even have any kind of future together, which sucks. Seongwoo is not really ready to live through a whole year and a half with an unrequited crush on anyone, even less if that someone is Daniel because the younger boy has the cutest of smiles and likes to cuddle with Seongwoo at night and Seongwoo isn’t entirely sure he can go so long without accidentally blurting out his feelings. If that ever happened, it would make things so unbelievably awkward for every single one of his members and well, most importantly, it would make things awkward between Daniel and him, he really doesn’t want that.

But he sighs in relief because well, he isn’t in love with Daniel anyway.

Right?

***

When Seongwoo arrives at the dorms, he quickly washes up and climbs onto his bunk bed, covering his whole body with a thick blanket, trying really hard to hide himself from anyone who would interrupt his thoughts.

“You treat him like he is the most precious thing in the world, I don’t think I have ever seen you babying the other members as much as you baby him.”

That’s not true though, he treats everyone equally.

If he opens Daniel’s water bottle for him, he also opens at least one of the younger member’s bottle. If he cooks for Daniel, he always makes sure to cook enough so there are leftovers for one of the other member’s midnight snacks. If he sneaks out to get Daniel some snacks, he also gets snacks for everybody else.

Good, one reason less for him to believe that he’s actually in love.

“It’s really cute when you get overprotective, like that time Daniel got his hand injury during the practice for ‘Knock’ and you even accompanied him to the emergency room.”

He thinks back to that moment.

He had found Daniel clutching his hand, silent, angry tears rolling down his face as everyone was making a circle around him. Back then he couldn’t think of anything else but how to get Daniel out of there safely.

Seongwoo had made his way past the crowd, instantly sinking down to his knees when he arrived next to Daniel. The younger boy had looked at him with the saddest eyes, mumbling something about “What if I can’t perform anymore, Seongwoo? Jesus…” and more things Seongwoo couldn’t catch. He hadn’t known how to answer so instead he just hugged him, drawing circles on his back as he let him sob in his arm.

Then he had told Seonho to call one of the staff members and had gone with Daniel into the ambulance, holding his uninjured hand tightly and whispering sweet nothings into his ears.

Seongwoo remembers how anxious he felt when he was waiting in the waiting room with Daniel’s company staff and the TV show writers, how scared he was of Daniel having to quit the show just because he overstepped his boundaries to make the show perfect.

And then, finally the relief had come when Daniel came out of the doctor’s room with a brand new cast and his trademark bunny smile, immediately running into Seongwoo’s arms.

But, Seongwoo thinks, that was a normal reaction for best friends right?

When Woojin had had shingles that same week, he also tagged along to the emergency room and cared for him throughout the week, even making soup for the younger one. Seongwoo also did the same when Jinyoung suddenly collapsed during one of their practice sessions.

It wasn’t strange for him to be caring. Well, there goes another reason.

“But the first reason I knew you liked him is because you look at him like he means the world to you, it’s seriously adorable.”

Seongwoo… isn’t really sure he can retaliate this particular reason though. He doesn’t know how he looks at Daniel or how he looks at anybody else in general.  It’s not like he records himself every second of his life to know that but –

Suddenly, someone is taking away his blankets, completely removing them from above his whole body, chilly air caressing his skin, making him look up to see who dared to interrupt his thoughts. Somehow, he ends up face to face with Daniel, who is smiling at him. He notices how their mouths are only a few centimeters apart. It makes his heart stutter in his chest.

“Good night, Seongwoo,” his eyes crinkle into crescent and somehow, Seongwoo feels his stomach tighten with a warm, fuzzy feeling. “For the tenth time.”

He laughs awkwardly, not knowing what to reply to that.

“You too, sleep well and all that shit,” Seongwoo blurts out as he slowly draws back, inching closer to the wall. “But if you don’t mind, can you give me back my blanket? I’m really, really cold.”

“The country is going through a heat wave and you are cold?” Daniel raises his eyebrows. “Really?”

“Yes, extremely cold actually, so, give it back, please,” Seongwoo demands, making grabby hands towards the item that is now lying on the floor after Daniel carelessly threw it away.

“You know, I think I have something better than a blanket to keep you warm,” Daniel smirks. “Me.”

Seongwoo sputters as he looks at the younger boy with wide eyes and an open mouth, any other day he would agree without even hesitating but after today’s events he is not quite sure he can bring himself to act how he normally would.

On the other hand, he thinks as he looks at Daniel’s small smile and hopeful eyes, he had ruled out two of three reasons why he was supposedly in love with Daniel, plus, he was a sucker for cuddles.

It turns out, though, that Seongwoo didn’t really have a choice anyway because when he is done with his inner debate, Daniel is already on the bed, wrapping his arms tightly around Seongwoo’s waist, tugging him closer to his body.

The older boy doesn’t protest, instead he snuggles closer, his nose tickling Daniel’s neck.

It doesn’t take Seongwoo a lot of time to fall asleep.

***

The next morning, Seongwoo wakes up in Daniel’s arms. He feels content as he suddenly hears Daniel laugh in his sleep, unconsciously squeezing Seongwoo softly.

When Jisung gets up almost twenty minutes later, he is still in bed with Daniel. It seems as though the other MMO trainee knows that he’s just pretending to sleep because soon enough, Jisung is climbing on top of the stairs of Seongwoo’s bunk bed, shaking his leg to get his attention.

“Wake him up, will you?” Jisung asks, a knowing smirk on his face when Seongwoo finally looks towards him. “I’m sure he’ll appreciate you doing it.”

He somehow feels weird after that.

The image of Jisung’s smirk seems to haunt him as he, today a bit more forceful than usually, wakes Daniel up and then immediately rushes into kitchen with the pretense of being hungry.

***

Seongwoo isn’t sure when or why he starts to avoid Daniel after that.

He no longer sits next to the younger boy in the van, now he sits with Jisung, Sungwoon and Minhyun in the back. When Daniel approaches him with a bunny smile to joke around, he plays along for a minute before disappearing to talk to any of the other members. Even when Daniel asks for cuddles during the night, he declines, mumbling that he’s too tired and wants to spread out in his bed.

At first he hadn’t really realized what he was doing but then Jihoon had cornered him and asked if everything was okay between him and Daniel. He had laughed him off, saying everything was absolutely fine.

After that he does it consciously, even if it sometimes hurts to see Daniel’s sad gaze and how he slumps more into himself than usual, his normally always there smile only coming out in a few special occasions. The bright spark in his eyes whenever he sees Seongwoo slowly disappears, now, when Seongwoo catches the other staring at him, he looks hurt instead.

It kind of breaks his heart.

***

He doesn’t even consider stopping ignoring Daniel – his tactic has always been “ignore the problem until it eventually goes away” which most of the time works well for him but apparently not when it comes to Daniel – until he sees Minhyun and Daniel together.

It’s nothing out of the ordinary really, he isn’t too sure why he suddenly feels something akin to jealousy making its way through his body, crawling inside of his brain as he sees Daniel slipping into Minhyun’s bed for the night. He knows it’s his own fault, he has been the one declining the cuddling offers and avoiding Daniel but it still feels wrong seeing him do it with anybody else, it makes his blood boil in a certain way he can’t explain.

His hands turn into fist as he walks inside of his own room, hiding himself underneath his blankets.

***

After that it seems to happen every night.

Daniel excuses himself, saying goodbye to Jisung and Seongwoo, to head over to Minhyun’s room and go to sleep with him.

Once, Seongwoo, after not being able to sleep more than one hour because he was fantasizing about all the things Daniel and Minhyun could be doing, had decided to check out what they did during the night, so he had made Jaehwan agree to let him sleep with him in his room.

As expected, Daniel had come in with his blanket in his hands and laid down. Minhyun had welcomed him with open arms and a warm smile, Seongwoo had felt his stomach tighten in an unpleasant way.

It had taken him longer than usual to fall asleep that night thanks to him observing the two boys as they quietly chatted with another and trying to keep a sleeping Jaehwan’s wandering hands away from him.

***

Seongwoo’s jealousy peaks when he sees Minhyun and Daniel snuggling on the couch. The younger boy is sprawled across Minhyun’s body while Minhyun mindlessly caresses his head, Daniel leaning into the touch with a happy smile.

It looks so intimate it makes Seongwoo want to puke.

“Daniel, can we talk?” he suddenly hears himself say, his voice husky as his eyes meet Daniel’s.

For a split moment, he notices that Daniel looks just as surprised as Seongwoo feels, but then the other seems to shut all of his emotions out of his face as he stares at Seongwoo intently, maybe trying to find out why he was suddenly speaking.

“I’m quite comfortable right now, so if you don’t mind can we have this… talk or whatever later?” Daniel answers, his attention back to Minhyun.

And no – they cannot “talk later” because Jesus fuck, why had Seongwoo not realized before?

Jisung was right.

He doesn’t really know why it finally clicks for him that he is head over heels for Daniel and he has been for a while now in that moment. It feels so random but also like… like it should have happened earlier, like he should have known the moment Jisung mentioned it.  

Seongwoo feels his heartbeat start to quicken at the realization. His mouth automatically opens in surprise and his eyes widen as he curses at himself. He could have spared himself some suffering and various random emotional outbursts if he had just known earlier. Seongwoo hates himself sometimes.  

“Hey, are you okay?” Minhyun asks, Seongwoo notices then that Daniel and him are separated now, Minhyun looking at him with a worried frown.

“Yes – No, jesus,” Seongwoo replies quickly without even trying to filter his word vomit. “You know what? Let’s talk later, you’re right! Later is good, later is perfect, sounds very promising, good talk, yes, yes, completely fine, wow, I’m such an idiot, later… Yes, later.”

He leaves Daniel and Minhyun behind in the living room as he heads to the entrance in a hurry. Seongwoo puts on his – well, technically Guanlin’s – shoes and leaves the house, forgetting that it’s 3 a.m. and they’re not really allowed to go out at this hour.

As soon as he steps out onto the streets, he feels the cold summer night air brush against his skin, making him shiver. He figures the best thing he can do now after embarrassing himself and realizing he has a fucking enormous crush on Daniel is get black out drunk.

***

Seongwoo comes home at 7 a.m., stumbling through the door after having put in the wrong code at least three times. He, as quietly as his drunk ass can be, takes off his shoes and goes into the kitchen to grab a glass of water.

He had gone to the nearest bar, an old establishment where he was the only costumer and had drunk his weight in beer and ten different kinds of wines as he told the barkeeper and all the waiter, who were interested enough,  the whole reason – with a lot of details and some crying – why he was there at such an unholy hour. After all the talking (and crying) he was extremely exhausted.

Seongwoo opens the door to his room, intending to just climb the ladder to his bed and face palm onto it, when his eyes wander through the room and discovers that both, Daniel and Jisung, hadn’t stayed there for the night. His eyes, without any obvious reason, linger on Daniel’s bed. The boy’s favourite hoodie is lying on it, completely lonely. He giggles quietly and walks to the bed, taking a hold of the sweater.

He lightly caresses the worn-out material, sighing contently at how soft it feels.

Without even thinking about it, he puts it on. It’s too big for him (but he already knew that) and feels nice and soft but most importantly, it smells like Daniel – like vanilla and his favourite aftershave. Seongwoo can’t help but bury his nose into the material, just to get another sniff of the scent.

Suddenly, he feels tears well up in his eyes.

He doesn’t even know why, they just start to roll down his cheeks as his curls in on himself, squatting down and holding his knees tightly against his chest as he rest his heads on them. Not long after, he starts to full on sob, his body trembling as he keeps on crying.

Seongwoo feels dizzy, his head is full of ten thousand different thoughts and it’s becoming increasingly difficult to breathe. Slowly Seongwoo loses the ability to control his ragged breathes and sobs, they come automatically every few seconds, even if he doesn’t want them to.

He feels like he is about to pass out from lack of oxygen and exhaustion when someone suddenly wraps their arms around him and pulls him into a tight hug. Seongwoo doesn’t even want to think about who it is, he just lets himself go lax in the person’s arm, eyes closed tightly as he tries to regain control over his own body.

“Seongwoo, it’s okay, everything will be okay,” he feels his whole body tense. “It’s okay, you’re okay.”

Of course it has to be Daniel.

His heartbeat quickens as he suddenly feels suffocated by the boy’s embrace. He desperately tries to break free but Daniel is having none of it, holding him tightly as Seongwoo trashes around, wanting to be anywhere but here.

“L-Let me go,” Seongwoo breathes out, eyes closed tightly. “Please.”

It seems to do the trick. Daniel frees him from his embrace without a protest. Seongwoo takes the opportunity to distance himself as much as possible from the younger boy. He slides all the way back to the wall, cherishing the way it feels cold and makes his body relax.

“Seongwoo, hey, let me help you,” Daniel whispers.

Seongwoo just shakes his head, hiding his face behind his crossed arms, trying to calm his fast beating heart and at the same time trying to breathe in steadily. But it isn’t working, if he’s honest, it’s exactly the opposite. His breathes are just getting shorter and more shallow while his heartbeat is doubling in speed.

For a second he thinks Daniel has actually listened to him, that he has stood up and left him all alone in the room, but it turns out that the other boy had just walked closer to him again. He feels Daniel’s large hands rest on his knees, as he once again begins to drawing circles on them. Seongwoo is turn between feeling more relaxed and feeling even more nervous.

“Hey, hey, listen to me,” Daniel says, voice softer than usual. “Whatever it is that you’re going through, it’s going to be alright.”

Even in this kind of situation, Seongwoo manages to snort at that.

“What? You don’t believe?” he knows, even without looking, that Daniel has his usual bunny smiles on his face, eyes crinkling as he looks at Seongwoo. Somehow that image makes his heart rate slow down the littlest bit. “Ey, you should trust me more than that, Ong Seongwoo.”

Daniel suddenly scoots even closer, one of his long legs on each side of Seongwoo’s own. The younger’s chest is pressing against his knees as Seongwoo feels Daniel’s hand moving up to his cheeks. He softly caresses Seongwoo’s cheeks, making the older slowly look up at him.

As expected, Daniel is smiling down at him with the softest of smiles. They stay like that for a while, Daniel’s touch easing Seongwoo’s anxiety little by little. In the position they are in, Seongwoo is able to feel Daniel’s stable breathing against his legs which makes it easy for him to match his own breathing to Daniel’s tempo.

It takes at least twenty five minutes before Seongwoo is back to almost thinking straight. He knows his heartbeat is still a bit faster than it should be and that it’s still a little bit hard to breathe but he feels nowhere near as suffocated or frustrated as before.

“Do you feel better?” Daniel asks, managing to focus all of Seongwoo’s attention towards him. “Has the thing… you wanted to talk about today got something to do with… this?”

Seongwoo doesn’t know how to respond to that. He considers lying for a minute but figures that it’s not really worth it – and he knows, that at this moment, he is like an open book, ready for everyone to read him.

“Yeah,” he manages to say.

“I’m sorry for not being there for you,” Daniel sighs, smiling sadly at him.

“You don’t – don’t have to,” Seongwoo replies, matching Daniel’s expression. “It was my fault… my fault for i-ignoring you these past w-weeks.”

“Ah? So you noticed too?” Daniel laughs but it doesn’t feel as natural as it normally does, it feels kind of wrong, insincere in a way that Daniel’s laugh has never been. “I thought it was just me imagining things… Was there a reason or?”

All of a sudden Seongwoo feels like he has a lump in his throat. He opens it to say something – anything really – but nothing comes out, he just gapes at Daniel, eyes downcast as he thinks about a response.

“I – I…” Seongwoo stutters, looking between the floor and Daniel’s encouraging smile. “I don’t think you want to know.”

Daniel looks confused when he hears that. Seongwoo can understand though, it’s not like Seongwoo’s behaviour is normal – actually, the way he has been acting the past three weeks hasn’t been “normal”. His emotions – and his actions – had never been as chaotic and impulsive as they had been in that short period of time. Seongwoo also hadn’t had a panic attack like this since nearly five years. It’s so weird, he feels so weird.

“Seongwoo, look, as long as you haven’t killed anyone – even then, if you had a good enough reason I would try to understand – and want to tell me about that, I don’t think there’s anything I don’t want to know when it comes to you,” Daniel reassures him, thumb gently stroking his cheeks.

He stares at Daniel, trying to look into the younger boy’s most inner thoughts, trying to check if it really is okay – if it’s okay for Seongwoo to profess his undying love for him. Well, it’s not like he has anymore to lose, right? He has already hit rock bottom anyway.

After another few seconds he manages to open his mouth but nothing comes out.

“Take your time, it’s fine –,“ Daniel starts but is interrupted by Seongwoo.

“I noticed I’m in love with you,” he blurts out, directly looking at Daniel, who doesn’t seem to be taken aback, more than that, he looks confused again.

“Wait, so you didn’t know?” Daniel asks with his eyebrows raised. “I figured that it was an unspoken thing that we both like… like each other. The cuddling and overzealous touching wasn’t a big enough hint? Not even my bad attempts at flirting?”

“I – I thought we were b-best friends,” Seongwoo replies, eyes wide as he watches Daniel’s every move, the other is just staring back at him with the most surprised look, like it was the most obvious thing known to humanity and Seongwoo was the only one unaware of it.

“Well, yeah, we are best friends but…” Daniel hesitates for a minute. “Anyway, did you ignore me because of that? Because you thought I would reject you?”

“Kind of?” he answers, back to looking down at his knees. “I just – just didn’t want to admit that I like you. It’s not like this…. relationship… would have a future... I didn’t want you to feel awkward with m-me.”

In the twinkling of an eye, Daniel begins to laugh. Seongwoo can’t believe the boy in front of him, he doesn’t know how he can laugh when Seongwoo feels like his heart is about to explode because well, apparently his feelings aren’t entirely unrequited and because he feels incredibly embarrassed by having voiced out what he has been going through in the last few days.

“Idiot,” Daniel says in between of his laughter, his eyes crinkling as his head comes even closer to Seongwoo’s. “You’re such an idiot.”

Seongwoo gapes at him, his eyebrows furrowing. He suddenly feels really, really offended.

“I can’t even be mad at you for avoiding me,” Daniel sighs, licking his lips afterwards.

He guides Seongwoo’s face so that the older is looking straight into his eyes again, then he laughs and pecks Seongwoo’s forehead, smiling as he does so. Seongwoo can already feel a blush spreading across his face.

“Just so you finally know,” Daniel pecks his cheek now, afterwards catching his gaze again. “I’m in love with you too. Our relationship has a future. We will spend every single minute of it happily.”

Seongwoo bursts into tears again but this time he laughs while he does so, letting Daniel shower his whole face with kisses. Daniel makes him spread his legs to place himself right in front of Seongwoo. He pulls him into a tight hug, the older boy embraces him back, his head resting on Daniel’s shoulder.

“Thank you,” Seongwoo mumbles against the younger’s skin. “Seriously.”

“Nothing to thank me for,” Daniel replies softly. “But next time please don’t ignore me, yeah?”

“Promise,” he sighs, pecking Daniel’s neck in apology.

They stay like that for a long time, just embracing each other and basking in the warm, giddy feeling they give each other. Seongwoo still feels guilty for avoiding Daniel, for being selfish, but he figures that has enough time to make up for it.

He closes his eyes, Daniel’s steady breath lulling him to sleep.

The last thing he thinks about is how happy he feels just for being in Daniel’s arms.  

[bogb0ng]

1 threw 85

Since a few have been answered already I’ll answer the rest 

1: Looks are not important to me so much i believe there should be some kind of physical attraction, but i’m more about personality! 

2: relationships are totally worth it to me! I’m not into hooking up all the time plus my SO usually becomes my bestfriend 

3: no Obviously not lol 

4: It’s very complicated…. I’m technically not in a relationship with the guy, but we’ve both said we want to be… 

5: I’m not really sure what it is, but i don’t think it’s love just yet 

6: technically I guess I am? 

7: absolutely I prefer to be committed to one person! Tbh they get all of my time an attention when i’m not around friends and family. 

8: he’s just a bit taller than me has this crazy sense of humor that I completely adore. He’s got this adorable smile, deep brown eyes and hair and is so god damn handsome whenever I get a picture I melt (I actually almost fell over yesterday because of this) 

9: a guy with a great sense of humor who adores me as much as i do him.

10: I’m not really sure. I prefer to know a person before I say I’m in love. 

11: surprisingly yes! 

12: depending on how bad it is I will if it’s something stupid like they broke their plans with me or gave away a minor secret behind my back no biggie i’ll probably forgive them, but if they cheated or something…. i’m gone believe me I don’t do well with that shit

13: kinda, kinda not? it’s hard because like i’m not mad at the people that i’m getting jealous over… i’m just insecure. oh well lol

14: yessssss ahah same guy but also a little crush on some one else i think, but they’ll never know 

17: Yes! if it’s a quick kiss i’m A ok with it, but i don’t make out in public 

apparently there’s no 18 or 19??? soo uhm yeah 

20: i try to shower every day sometimes I dont get the chance and I have to shower the next day, but I keep myself clean!

21: I don’t know… IF ANY OF YA THINK I’M A CUTIE AND HAVE FEELS SEND ME ANON HEARTS AND I’LL LOVE YOU FOREVER!!! 

22: I hope a certain some one is, but who knows for sure 

23: Yes are you kidding me!? People can’t do that?? like when i’m in a relationship holy shit i’m 110% into that person they become everything to me and also i’d never want to hurt some one in that way. 

24: I hope i’m at least engaged, but then again i could just be alone forever… so i guess if anyone wants to make a pact to get married by a certain age HMU Lmfao 

25: YESSSSS ugh i’m holding out on some one, but hey shit happens 

26: actually yes my Ex. and we’re still good friends. I also would not want to lose him. he’s an amazing person with a huge caring heart. 

27: I wouldn’t call it a poem, but it was a really long rant/letter to the man who loves me next. 

28: I’m not entirely sure, but my extremely mentally abusive ex probably did because a guilty conscience usually blames the other half. (he accused me of cheating and i would rather die than cheat on some one) 

29: No. never have. never will.

30: actually I have…. i’ve never felt good about my stomach and have always wanted to get it fixed some how, but i never will. 

31: yes I have. I’ve had my fair share of heartbreak 

32: I have many a time. you cant change some ones heart and thats fine! ]

33: obviously lol 

34: I mean I almost did once….

35: Of course I have haha

36: yes! in fact i almost dated him when we were in high school! 

37: yup…. and they told me, but i dated him anyways and what a fuck up that was….

38: yes!! omg i was in shock when it happened 

39: Yes, but they’d never know because I’m respectful 

40: all the time! i write to get my feelings out 

41: I have (and it was goooooooddd) 

43: my longest relationship was a year and a month or so. 

44: I’ve had a total of 5 boyfriend in my lifetime lol 

45: like 0 i was the human equivalent of birth control or some shit 

46: a lot with my SO at the time lol

47: 21! 

48: I’d probably tell them i’m really happy for them and wallow for a bit before moving on. 

49: I currently do not so i guess my favourite thing about the person I like is that goofy smile I get when i’m being cute lol 

50: I mean i don’t think i’ve met my true love so probably not?

51: there’s lots of people i would do anything for. i’m the type of person who drops anything for a friend in need.

52: Yes. a family member, my ex roommate. probably more, but you know what best of luck to them they’re gonna need it 

53. I’d hope not…. 

54: theres a lot of people i could never forget 

55: this one time a boyfriend of mine surprised me with a date where we drove all the way to one of his old home towns and he showed me around. he then took me to a dinosaur museum (which i love that shit so much) we walk through the entire thing and we got to the gift shop i went to the bathroom because it was like a 2-3 hour drive home and he bought me a stuffed T-rex and a cute keychain (i still have both)

56: 5 facts! I have a chubby tummy, long legs,a cute butt, thick thigs, pretty eyes, a cute smile and long/wild curly hair! and I’m very soft

57: I hope you realize that you turned out exactly like your father and you’re a pathological liar who deserves nothing more than whatever comes his way 

58: snacks! surprise adventures, cute snuggle days, HEAD RUBS!!! whispering cute things to me when I least expect it in public! 

59: Picture will be posted! 

60: If i remember correctly it was around 7 years 

61: their eyes and smile 

62: oh god honestly non sexual wise… run me a romantic bath. sexual wise…. we wont go there right now…

63: genitals touching other genitals? idk 

64: anything beyond joking flirtatiously tbh 

65: oh god whispering what they’re going to do to me. kissing down the neck and spine. those are just a few. 

66. Dominant and sub idk 

67: perfect date would probably be going out to a museum or aquarium and then going to a nice dinner 

68: straight 

69: I’m not really sure it varys 

70: Lots of things. whispering, slow kissing, touching 

71: ahaha this is akward my kinkiest wet dream was being tied up and dominated tbh 

73: just treat me like a princess for the day honestly 

74: some one who can lift me tbh 

75: sweetest thing was some one  brought me flowers to my work place and took me out for late night denny’s after a long anxious day. 

76: I guess making some one soup and cold remedies while they were sick 

77: as long as it’s legal and consensual then no biggie 

78: I almost was in a threesome once that was wild.

79: ah last time was some one got to hang out with a person i really wanted to hang out with but couldn’t because they’re too far away 

80: I tell my friends I love them at least once a day. so today technically. last time i said it and meant i was in love was at the beginning of the summer before my breakup 

81: Chris, dani, liam, hunter, and david  (only one of these ppl have a tumblr) 

82: my friend ash 

83: a guy named Jordan (he was my bestfriend in kindergarten)

84: distance was becoming too much for both of us

85: I mean technically I have (if you count online dating) but if not then yes probably 

thank you for asking!!!