#like the lyrics specifically where it goes
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manifestation tips.
focusing on desired outcome. 。���°‧
── .✦ the most important thing that needs to be understood. as long as i know something to be true, then everything else is irrelevant. all of these “tips” (i guess you can call these tips ?) will revolve around that concept.
avoiding mirrors. 。𖦹°‧
── .✦ this one is specific to manifesting appearance changes. I don’t like to talk about my personal life a lot on here so to preface, i have an eating disorder & have experienced hair loss from malnutrition so ive been losing some hair volume. this has lead me to manifesting healthier, thicker hair.
doing things to keep my hair out of my sight like keeping my hair back or avoiding mirrors & looking at myself in photographs helps “keep me on track” when manifesting so im not pulled back into the 3d.
limit phone usage / television. 。𖦹°‧
── .✦ you know that audio that goes “remember this isn’t a story, this is our future” & then shows something dystopian ? yeah, that manifesting. granted, it’s fear based but it’s putting that idea in your head.
there are so many things being fed to you through television, social media & marketing that are designed to keep us distracted & insecure.
making my own subliminals. 。𖦹°‧
── .✦ making my own subliminals has helped me so so much. that way, i have control of what im consuming — like i mentioned above briefly. while affirmations like “i have no ___” & “i don’t ___” can work for some, focusing on the desired outcome helps me the most.
for example: “i have no acne” vs “i have clear skin”. one is focusing on living in your desired outcome, which is where you want to be.
people don’t love it when i say this, but most subliminal on youtube aren’t actual true subliminals. subliminals are audio converted to frequency. most of them are sped up affirmations — which is fine if that’s what works for you. im not denying that they don’t work & you can’t get results from them, but subliminals help me more rather then supraliminals since they aren’t as distracting for me.
monitoring what music i listen to. 。𖦹°‧
── .✦ this is kinda like the limiting social media usage but lyrics can sometimes clash with what you’re trying to achieve & can influence a poor mindset. music has the ability to effect mood & im not saying you can’t manifest if you’re depressed or u happy but thinking positively is definitely has an influence on you & how your perceive circumstances.
expect the outcome. 。𖦹°‧
── .✦ i remember seeing a video someone working on a skateboarding trick. to prepare for the outcome of that person successfully preforming their trick, a bottle of champagne was bought ahead of time.
make sure you are able to picture yourself receiving your manifestation. it’s the “pregnancy analogy”. when you’re pregnant, you have to prepare for a baby by purchasing clothes & supplies & thinking up names. be ready to experience it, prepare for it & expect it to happen.
#desired reality#reality shifting#shiftblr#shifting#shiftok#shifting motivation#shifting realities#shifter#reality shifter
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i said i might do more in depth thoughts of stephanie and so i did.
the first post was a bit rushed but many of the points very much still stand, this post i guess is just trying to make the same points a bit better and deeper. so idk how much of a musical analysis this is, and how much i'm just trying to put vibes and feelings into words, but here goes.
i said in the first post how i like that the structure isn't the usual verse chorus verse chorus - well, actually it kind of is that, but the chorus doesn't feel like an obvious chorus, because they only play it twice and it's not the same those times. there is almost a pre-chorus like feeling to it, and then the song ends in what could have been a bridge, if the song was longer. this song to me feels like a part of something bigger, and that's why i'm super excited to hear in the context of the full album. with that being said, i still think it works super well on its own as well, i really love the vibes.
the early 2000's brit rock and indie rock influence, such as arctic monkeys or black kids, is still quite obvious to me, but so is the 80's influence as well, like orchestral manoeuvers in the dark was the first one that came to my mind. then again, the 80's influence on early 2000's brit rock and indie rock in general is also pretty obvious, so i think influences in music in general should always be seen as a spectrum, rather than fixed, separate points. everything is always influenced by things that came before it, and what we can name as an influence on something will always depend on where we've heard a specific style or flavour or spice in music first.
it's a different sound than what we've heard from them before. i don't know if this makes any sense to anyone other than myself, but to me, the sound on this song is the sound of a collective more than the sound of the band. what i mean by that is that there are so many elements in the song that are not straight forward band instruments, or instruments that are in their usual line up. this sound is produced by five professinal musicians working as a collective, rather than five band members playing their respective instruments simultaniously. does that make any sense? i don't know, but it's how i feel - like there could be more people on this song than there are. but i think the best songs always do sound like all of the people who made it, not just one or two.
like i said in my first post, the drums are super interesting in this one. the drum machineness of it all, the super 80's style drum fills, the percussive details of little pings and pangs that decorate the track, that's all something that hasn't been super typical in pop or rock music recently, and harkens back to the 70's, 80's and also the early 2000's indie scene. it's super interesting to listen to, and i can genuenly recommend taking the time to listen to the track a couple of times focusing on just the drums and percussion.
in fact, i'd recommend listening to the track (this track and honestly just songs in general) several times, always choosing a different instrument or element to focus on, because there is a lot of cool stuff going on in this song! vocals and lyrics often take the main focus, but i always find it worth it to carefully listen beyond the lyrics.
the drum parts are also just genuenly fun. the drums and the bass make it a very dancable song, which again, it's both very 80's and very early 2000's to make super bop-y, dancable songs with sad or dark lyrics. the contrast is quite yummy to me. it also brings a vibe to the song i really really love. it reminds me of a quote about movies, about how drama movies should always have a little bit of comedy in them, because that's how real life is. there is always always both light and dark, sadness and happiness present in everything. crying and laughing all at once. that's the vibe of the song to me, and it's brilliant.
the song has so many layers to it, it's honestly brilliantly mixed: there's something happening in almost every direction, every distance, so to speak. and so many different synth sounds! sharp strikes here, notes held there, runs here, backround walls there. take a moment to find them all, it's super rewarding and again, genuenly fun!
the vocal delivery is also a cool contrast with the musical aspects. the voice doesn't convey a lot of emotion, on purpose i think. he sounds a bit numb and detached, and the music being so whimsical with all of its details and decorations, it's just a really cool juxtaposition.
and at the end, repeating the lines about love and happiness not being built for people like me, with the guitar playing the same melody, when the vocal line and the guitar line go out of sync and he starts repeating the lines to a different rythm, i think it highlights the juxtaposition even more, it's like.. it's like he's not even listening to the whimsy of the music anymore, but getting carried away in his own head by the lines. and repeating them in an almost monotoe way.. i just think it's a brilliant way to deliver the emotion behind the lyric.
but the song ends in the major key whimsical runs on the keyboard with a very fun percussion rythm, and so i think ultimately the mood left behind by the song is quite positive. it's melancholic sure, a bit angsty yes, but at the same time it's not a depressing feeling.
like i don't know how else to put it, but the whole song is like. everything is going to shit in your life, but you're on a walk and the leaves are super pretty colours and the weather is just perfect, and you breathe in fresh air and it's like. yeah everything is kinda fucked but right in this moment, right at this minute, it's all kind of.. okay. and for a split second you can imagine a future where things are less shit. where maybe happiness and love are built for people like you.
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hear me out...
ace markey as just a man from epic the musical??? 👀
#yes i'm obsessed with epic the musical#like the lyrics specifically where it goes#'i'm just a man who's fighting for his life#deep down i would trade the world to see my son and wife'#i feel like that would resonate so well with ace tbh#ace markey#danganronpa despair time#drdt#ab's random comments#drdt spoilers#(i guess?)
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Blood and Vengeance Saga Spoilers
ignore all the bad things and it looks kinda decent
#Anyone else just playing this part on repeat??#Not the whole song but just this specific part where Odysseus goes fuckn feral on Poseidon#I feel weird and bad just listening to an angry wet cat literally breaking and stabbing this old piece of sushi over and over again#But like-#Iss so goooood#I just KNOW Jorge had so much fun with this one#Rightfully so#These lyrics are turning over in my mind#Just- cooking...#Maybe burning...#But cooking nonetheless and absolutely frying my brain#epic the musical#odysseus epic#epic the vengeance saga#vengeance saga#the vengeance saga#epic poseidon#six hundred strike#lyrics#epic musical#epic odysseus#epic the musical fanart#art#artwork#my art#digital art
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whenever i read fics i always end up thinkin of a song for the fic or like, th chapter and then i canr stop associating the fic w/ those songs
#i listen to sm fckn music tht all the songs end up bein wildly diff too#ong i cld make playlists for multi ch fics#*stares at electric rebels*#actually u know what#i will#here r some songs:#our song by matchbox twenty is (early ch) electric rebels treemina coded#butterfly by bts (song is abt the fear of losing a person and in electric rebels this is very much true#everyone has the fear of not only losing their lives but losing their family(+found) as well#time is very much sacred n stuff like that)#humming by turnover (thr lyrics “with you ill make it out alive” sold me on this one)#viva la vida by coldplay specifically for the capital students because of how disillusioned theyve become due to the games#and forming relationships w/ their tribute#really good examples are vipsania and hilarius#rhythm of love by plain white t's makes me think of all the good moments treech n lamina have had despite their circumstances#(its also just a them song in general)#young volcanoes by fall out boy for the tributes!!! it seems light a more lighthearted victory song almost?#a “we will persevere” thing but more full of complete happiness#think abt the scene of teslee mizzen n treech running down the hill in jubilation (obvs before shit went down)#would that i by hozier just makes me think of when treech first met lamina up in the tree#which witch by florence + the machine is definitely for vipsania just before & after the bombing (aspen too but to a lesser degree almost)#“whos a heretic now” “im miles away hes on my mind” yeahhhh#love grows (where my rosemary goes) by edison lighthouse is jst a rlly good treemina song#rousseau by nerina pallot is a good fpr one of the main questions in the fic “are we really born free?”#(no. theyre not they have to work for that freedom. rousseaus main theory specifically the idea of it works really well for this fic#and the hunger games in general)#the promise by when in rome seems to work especially for treech and how he interacts with the others#he always seems to make promises - that theyll live - that he wont leave - that hell take care of the living for the deceased#this ended up sm longer than intended i reached the TAG LIMIT#basil.txt
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man hot mulligan makes some absolute bangers for ppl with mental issues and shitty parents
#it's me im calling myself out here lol#like. they sound amazing even without rlly listening to the lyrics (which is kinda hard bc my auditory processing issues and the screaming)#but then I'll pull up the lyrics and be like oh. oh fuck. oh they made this song specifically to target me huh#like. kinda similar to spanish love songs where the music itself sounds great until you hear the lyrics and now it's emotionally devastating#i know the pit is gonna go hard bc how could it not but also i really hope it goes hard bc im gonna be having the time of my life in there#hot mulligan#mine
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Today's Daily BakuDeku Song Is: Follow You - Imagine Dragons
Call you up, you've been cryin', cryin' all night You're only disappointed in yourself, alright Taking those, taking those losses if it treats you right I wanna take you into the sunlight If the world would only know what you've been holding back Heart attacks every night Oh, you know it's not right
#bakudeku#bkdk#dkbkdk#dekubaku#dkbk#THIS ONE WAS SO HARD TO PICK WHICH LYRICS TO USE FOR THE POST!!! ARGH!!#This entire song is just PERFECT FOR THEM!!!#it's about their DEDICATION TO EACH OTHER!!#It's about KATSUKI'S DEDICATION TO IZUKU SPECIFICALLY in this case. in my eyes. at least.#BUT i think this could also be izuku's dedication to katsuki. if that's how you want to look at it.#PERSONALLY i like this song being from katsuki's perspective the most but it could really be both of them.#this is a really good first song for this blog. it was torn between this one and tomorrow's song to be the first one.#but i think this one is good for the first one because it's got layers to it it's about the dedication.#it's about the i just keep chasing after you#it's about the i thought we'd be competing for the rest of our lives#it's about the always being there for each other#it's about it's about it's about IT'S ABOUT THEMMMM#if i'm remembering right. i added this song to my bkdk playlist during izuku's vigilante arc but BEFORE his friends went to fetch him#and there were a lot of aus where katsuki goes after him and just. stays with him to make sure he's not doing this alone.#so it was originally put in there for those aus#BUT there's so much more canon content that fits it more now#like??? i want to put you into the spotlight??? katsuki dedicating 8 years to make sure izuku still gets to be a hero???#PERFECT BKDK SONG!! IN MY EYES!!#btw does anyone know why tumblr removes formatting on the last word i'm going insane.
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you know something is good when you start imagining animatics to it
#im thinking like. a puppetmaster (rejuvenation) animatic to unravel from tokyo ghoul (specifically the AmaLee cover)#''unravel this world around me just before it pulls me under / but now at this rate i fear its too late''#''this loneliness is infinite / its laughing at the innocent / i cant tune out the memory / i'm screaming out for mercy''#tell me those lyrics dont describe rune perfectly#also when huey realizes who she is thats when the song goes ''but if you must see look through your memory because thats where i'll live on#bc thats the most charged part of the song to me and augh#echoed voice#idk. chapter 15 gives me brainrot specifically
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Also I don't know why but a song I associate with Joshua as the Malpais Legate is "Leviathan" by Dirt Poor Robins. Something about how Malpais means badlands, him having an unhinged moment as seeing himself as a biblical disaster and unholy destroyer.
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Well this is certainly White Legs Conflict Coded: Joshua is always remarking on them and their “Great Salt Lake,” and Ulysses characterizes them in similar terms himself, “blood covered ghosts” and such. The other lyrics bring to mind that “vengeful spirit” archetype Siri introduces him as to the player: and you could take the repeated mention of lurking and concealment to allude to Edward’s disallowing of the mere mention of Joshua. Broke bitter bitch.
#music#asks#joshua graham#majortomiscominghome#I should probably expand on this in it’s own post but w/e:#I think the narrative of Honest Hearts suffers from the broader series’ refusal to confront their constant allusions to Native genocide#because it mandates that Joshua’s descent back into the level of cruelty he practiced as Legate#be presented as a wholly personal/moral failing rather than a specific & insidious ideology#which is both racialized and prevalent in the Mormon faith since it’s founding#(I mention this now because the lyric ‘for a thousand years I’ve been asleep’ brings to mind one of Daniel’s lines about Joshua)#(where he goes ‘secretly that violence never left him’)#but I can never comment on it with a straight face because like.#Joshua is not indulging in some meaningless individualized ‘violence’#the kinds of people that he targets for dehumanization matters. the kinds of people that he subjugates matters.
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Lmao I found this old video I made to try and explain what my mind sounds like most of the time and its. Pretty accurate
(warning for just way too many sounds playing at once. Seriously it isn't a fun time lmao)
#its usually like#two or three random parts of a song just looping in my head#(if i focus and kinda mentally say the lyrics i can listen to the full thing? but theres like me 'talking' in my head and the song playing#in my head as two seperate things sk sometimes the song skips ahead/jumps randomly/loops random parts#and if i dont focus my mental singing does that too)#uh if im reading or writing something thats usually being read out in there#i have kinda an internal voice? so like i talk in my head and thats usually one of the loudest things in there#and the only thing i have full control over#i went through a weird years long phase where i was constantly narrating myself in second or third person which was. interesting#sometimes random phrases (either written or spoken) get stuck in there#and other random trains of thought start and stop that i dont think i have control over?#but they all kinda comment on each other sometimes#like 'hey i should do this it would be funny' and then the main/spoken train of thought goes 'no i shouldn't im just doing that for#attention' 'actually no im just thinking this for attention' 'everything i do is to fit a specific mental image i want to project'#'what the fuck are you on about i dont want to do this again im at work'#after a certain point its just my main train of thought arguing with itself lmao#and most of the time even when i switch the main train of thought to focus on something (writing#playing a song in my head etc) theres still smaller branches of it that are commenting on what im doing? they're louder than the usual#random trains of thought but not as loud as the main one (also not in my control? no fucking clue lmao)#idk it's a lot#kinda frustrating i spend so long in there and yet i have no clue how to visualise/explain it but w/ever#i dont even know if i can see images in there lmaoo#me.txt
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Round 7 Final thoughts/Analysis
First of all, Blink Gone is a banger but we knew that already.
Second,
Till is and also is not dead. Till was used as a pawn for the segyein for entertainment. Keep in mind this is Season 50. 50 seasons of Alien Stage, and you think they wouldn't go off without a hitch? Till was used to lure Hyuna and Mizi back. Hyuna is worth a lot and Mizi escaped live on stage. Think of the Quarter Quells in The Hunger Games. Do you really think... they wouldn't make Season 50 special? Especially since Luka won S49. It was always rigged in Luka's favor. Or is it? (hey, vsauce here-)
Now. Till was EXTREMELY drugged up. He may have had his fighting spirit back, but he was definitely 'roided up by the aliens for the plan. The Finals were rigged in Luka's favor, it was all rigged in Luka's favor. Those drugs in Tills system, for all we know, can be keeping him alive. There is a good chance they don't want Till dead and that they're only faking his death for the sake of the... "special guests."
It might have been rigged in Luka's favor, but there's a good chance he might not be getting out of this safe, sane, or even alive. He may have captured the hearts of the segyein in Season 49, but he is still a human pet. He is still expendable for the sake of entertainment. None of us character stans, Luka stans, are off the hook. ALNST is not over.
EDIT: I would also like to point out that Luka was probably also on drugs. He was in hysterics pretty much the whole time. Luka is trapped in this cycle and is a pet, just like Till.
As for those "special guests," Mizi and Hyuna: there can be multiple ways this plays out, either Mizi goes against Hyuna, or Hyuna goes against Luka. We already had Mizi v Luka, so they wouldn't do that again.
As for the song itself, I picked up a few lyrics:
Luka: "Before this piercing, radiant moment fades away"
"Piercing, radiant moment" referring to Till and/or Hyuna being injured.
Luka: "Neither today nor tomorrow, exist for me"
"Exist for me" is a reference to Ivan's thought process in why he chose to die in round 6
Till (i think): "Blink and gone, relish the present"
"Relish the present" as in Till needs to live in the moment to survive, rather than to win. He is on adrenaline, drugs, and survival instinct.
Till: "Clear your mind, leave the burdens behind"
A reference to himself that he... basically needs to lock in.
Luka: "The dark crimson air embraces us, lifting our spirits"
Ivan reference, specifically Luka imitating Ivan
Till: "And the fiery thrill blazes out to the sky"
Ivantill meteor shower reference
Now as for the meaning of the song itself, that could be multiple things:
Till realizing too late about Ivan's feelings and that he was wrong about his image of Ivan, "And in a blink, gone."
Till's life, "And in a blink, gone." (which is why i say he's dead and also not dead. He very well could be dead and just be brought back to life like the Sualive and Alivan theories)
Luka's ability to mimic others
Hyunamizi also realizing too late that they might have been set up
I think the flashbacks to round 6 are pretty obvious in what they mean and what was intended for it to mean/symbolize, so I'll spare it.
OH YEAH and speaking of the alivan and sualive theories, those are a LOT MORE LIKELY after this. Because what was the point of Till's death... after round 6? Would they (Vivinos, not the aliens) kill Till off after what happened in round 6? Death is too easy. Death is mercy. Yes I wish mercy upon Till, but there are better ways to show him mercy with what we have without him dying. That being said, if he is actually dead. Like dead, dead, (i will kms) then at least he died where Mizi was the last thing he saw.
Mizi was the last thing he saw.
We might have been wrong about Till only loving the "image" of Mizi, but then again, maybe not. Again, Till immediately lit up at the sight of Mizi, recognizing her instantly. It gave him the motivation to continue, he didn't notice of care how different, traumatized, and worn down she looked. He only saw her. Maybe it wasn't her image he was fond of. Maybe he really did love her. But maybe he was also grasping at straws to survive and continue on. Maybe he thought he had a chance. Cause Mizi was also grasping at straws. As we saw in the flashback with Mizitill, they were definitely friends. Mizi might only see Till as a friend, but now both would only have each other left, plus Hyuna and the resistance. Mizi might not give Till a romantic chance, but they can be there for each other because they both understand what the other went through.
Also Issac and Dewey better pull through I swear to fucking god. WHY WERE THEY NOT THERE. If you saw my bingo card, I marked off Dewssac appearance, I thought I saw them, but I was seeing shit so ignore that.
Personal note: I was really. REALLY overwhelmed leading up to this. I lost a lot of sleep over the past 48 hours due to anxiety over this and I'm glad that it finally happened. I'm a lot better now that my anxiety and nausea is gone and even if I'm extremely... scared... for Till... I'm still hopeful that he's alive, and that sualive and alivan are real. Maybe I am delusional, but I mean, I enjoy the Actor AU a bit too much... so...
That's all, I think. I might have more later after I stew on this a bit more.
@pwippy @starry-skiez @bluemoonscape @ivanttakethis @tsukacchako @shakingparadigm @rosedeleca @crustyfloor @k9punkout @junebluues god i cant think straight im sorry if youre not tagged and wanted to be im like gen tweaking tbh
#alien stage#alnst#luka alnst#luka alien stage#till alnst#till alien stage#alien stage round 7#alnst round 7#round 7 alnst#round 7 alien stage#ivan alien stage#ivan alnst#mizi alien stage#mizi alnst#ivantill#mizitill#hyunamizi#hyuna alnst#hyuna alien stage#dewssac#dewey alnst#issac alnst#alnst analysis#zen's alnst analysis#blink gone
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Hello hello! I dunno if you’re taking request but I was thinking if you can write smth silly about reader pulling the “Fellas grab your ladies if your lady fine” trend on Ford :3
You didn’t know how you had gotten put in this predicament where you were standing behind Ford, all the while Mabel was hiding behind the doorway -phone in hand- as she gestured for you to grab Ford by his waist and pull him in close.
Oh wait you did know exactly how you had gotten in this because Mabel came up to you that very same morning, phone in her hand as though it was super glued there, as she shown you this trend couples were doing for public validation and praise; and or to rub their relationship in the publics face.
‘What am I-‘
‘Just watch.’ Mabel exclaimed as she pointed to her phone that she had shoved under your face just as the man grabbed his girlfriend by the waist and pull her in close in tandem with the lyrics; ‘fellas grab your ladies if your ladies fine.’ Just as the video ends and goes back to the beginning.
‘And what was I meant to take away from that exactly?’ You questioned, not understanding the point of anything that was presented to you, especially so early in the morning where all you wanted to do was enjoy your morning drink without having to think so hard. However there’s never been a quiet morning in the Pines household in the history of forever, and each time a member of the Pines Family was usually the source of the unrest.
Ford trying to catch his anomalies that somehow snuck into your room
Stan loudly complaining about his aging body while burning the pancakes because he wasn’t paying attention to it.
Wendy’s loud ass snores. She’s always hanging out at the shack so often you might as well consider her apart of the family as well alongside Soos, Candy and Grenda.
Dipper being Dipper
And now Mabel with this supposedly popular couples trend. You couldn’t catch a break but you loved this family and Ford too much to care about how early it was for their shenanigans.
‘You and Ford should totally do the trend!’ Mable said as she beams at you. ‘The people would love a cute nerdy couple like you two!’
You chuckled as you ruffled the energetic girls’ hair affectingly. ‘I highly doubt your Grunkle Ford would want any part in it, he’s been in the lab all week on a recent discovery. What it is he wouldn’t tell me. He only ran into our room one day to scream THEY’RE PROCREATING and left for the lab.’
‘Please! Please! Please!’ Mabel cried as she clasped her hands together and gave you the cutest pair of puppy eyes ever as you felt your resolve crumble the longer you stared into your niece.
‘Fine.’ You playfully groaned as you allowed the young girl to drag you by your arm and lead you down into the lab where Ford was, only to shove you awkwardly close to Ford while she hide near the doorway, phone in hand.
‘Hello darling.’ Ford greeted without looking up from his work, he claims he could tell apart your footsteps from the rest of his family, but you just assumed that Stan or Dipper or Mabel kept coming down and Ford took the opportunity to learn how each of his family sounded when coming down the stairs through specific things they did.
‘Hello sweetheart.’ You greeted back as you could see Mabel practically on the brink of bursting into confetti with how hard she tried to contain her excitement.
‘Grab him by the waist.’ Mabel mouthed, her eyes becoming comedically large glittery stars. ‘Grab him by the waist!’
You looked back at Ford who was leaned over his desk, looking over his work throughly with his brows furrowed and his glasses slightly drooping off his nose. He looked handsome when he was concentrating but in your eyes Ford was always handsome even when he was explaining to you dungeons, dungeons and even more dungeons.
You looked back at Mabel who had her phone In front of her -most likely recording you- before you took a deep breath and brought your hand to Ford’s waist, quickly pulled him close to you so that his back rested against your chest. Poor Ford was a flustered mess, his cheeks were aflame, his eyes were wide and you could feel how stiff his body was against yours, you couldn’t help but smile at how cute he looked in the moment.
‘What’s the meaning behind this y/n.’ Ford asked as he tried to calm his excepted heart rate and regain composure.
You kissed his cheek before nuzzling it slightly. ‘Did you catch all that Mabel?’ You asked, much to Ford’s confusion. ‘Mabel?’
‘Yes! I caught all of that!’ She cried as she popped out from her hiding spot, ‘this is going on the family group chat!’ She adds as she bolts up the stairs giggling and squealing to herself at how cute you and her grunkle Ford were, leaving you and Ford alone.
‘Sorry sweetheart, her puppy eyes are my weakness.’ You confessed as you rested your head against his shoulder, still holding onto his waist and breathing in his scent that never failed to relive you and any and all stress. Ford chuckled as he moved his head to kiss the top of yours, smiling fondly at your weak spot for his grandniece and nephew. ‘It’s alright darling, just let me know next time before you do something so bold, my old heart can only take so many surprises.’ He joked as he rested his hand atop of your own, rubbing the back of it soothingly.
‘I promise.’ You mumbled softly against his shoulder. ‘But you did look cute all flustered, do you like being grabbed by the waist?’ You then asked, only to receive silence on Ford’s and, which made you life your head from his shoulder to see that he was cover the lower half of his face with his hand.
‘Cute.’ You thought yourself, you might do this more often if this is the response you get, it was a power trip you didn’t know you needed over your cute but extremely smart fordsy.
#gravity falls x reader#gravity falls imagine#gravity falls imagines#gravity falls#ford pines x you#ford pines imagines#ford pines imagine#ford pines x reader#stanford pines x you#stanford pines imagines#stanford pines imagine#stanford pines x reader
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Happiness is a butterfly
Fernando Alonso x Reader
Summary: He wants you but he can't have you. But when a fatal crash happens, he realizes maybe he should just take the jump, before it's too late.
Word count: 6.4k
Tags: Female reader, teammate reader, smut, oral, angst, crash, very remorseful nano, cursing, mostly fernando pov, fernando is in denial, age gap (not defined), hurt/comfort, brief mention of Jules Bianchi, happy ending, not beta read
Relationships: Fernando Alonso x Reader
Notes: LISTEN I wish I could control my creative brain but I can’t. *taps mic* Ok, so, who's ready for our little monthly crying session? This actually came to me in a dream after I listened to Happiness is a butterfly, and I ended up incorporating some of the lyrics in the story. I was only contemplating writing this when Anon sent this request asking for angst after a big fight, and I thought it goes perfectly with what I had in mind.
Hope it's to your liking, Anon!
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“Fernando,” You whispered like it wasn’t wrong, like his name was a prayer.
Fernando knew it was wrong, not only because you were a driver and his teammate, but also because you were way too young for him. But whenever you two were like that, you in his arms, it felt so right, so perfect.
Sometimes he wondered to himself if he took advantage of you. Because ever since you first met, you looked at him with big shiny eyes, like you were facing a hero. He knew you were a fan of his, but then again, most of the younger drivers were. But when you two became teammates and got closer, he’d notice how your eyes would find his first thing after entering any room. Whenever you two had chats alone, you’d smile at him in a specific way you didn’t smile at anyone else, blush creeping up your face.
It was so easy to be enchanted by you, by your kindness and willingness. Fernando was drawn to you like a moth to flame, only you didn’t burn him. You were kind to everyone and very talkative, and for a while, Fernando wondered how you managed to get into Formula 1 and keep your spirit intact. Everyone called you a social butterfly. Then he started calling you Mariposa, as a sweet nickname, and he explained to you it meant “Butterfly”.
You two were always together, being teammates, so it didn’t take long for the dynamic shift. Soon, there were longing looks and lingering touches. The way Fernando would always touch the small of your back for a little too long when talking to you, or the way you lean too close whenever talking to him, or the way his eyes stare at your lips every opportunity. Or when you finished a good race and the first thing you’d do was jump on his arms. How you’d always knock three times on his helmet right before going off to the race, he started reciprocating the gesture, since he knew it was probably your thing for good luck or something.
Things went like that for too long, and neither of you were brave enough to take the jump, as you called it.
That until fate put you face to face during summer break. You were in Mallorca with a bunch of your friends for a girls trip in a resort by the sea. You were having brunch when you spotted Fernando at the same time he spotted you, his eyebrows raising in surprise, he muttered something to the people with him that looked like his family members, before coming to you.
“Mariposa!” He hugged you softly.
“Hi! Good to see you!” You chirped, nervously.
Fernando blatantly checked you out. You were wearing simple bikinis and a light beach robe. You were tanned, hair wild and cheeks red like you had come straight out of one of his wet dreams.
“Enjoying summer break?” He asked.
“Yeah, with my friends,” You pointed to where they waited for you at the table, “will you be here for long?”
“No, my family is going back today and I’m leaving tomorrow. We’ve been here for a few days already.”
You waved him goodbye after a quick chat. That night, the weather, the breeze and the empty villa tempted him into calling you. He didn’t want to be that guy so he resisted the urge, instead going for a walk by the beach, alone. As fate would have it, he found you at a small beach party with your friends, dancing and drinking.
Like a magnet, your eyes found his, and you said something to your friends before walking up to him.
“You came to the party?” You asked.
“No, I was just taking a walk and passed by,” He shrugged, and started walking away “I’ll let you go back to your friends.”
“No! No- I mean- Can I walk with you?” You asked and he just nodded.
You two walked away by the shore, the small waves crashing over your feet, and you two chatting about the island and all the adventures you got to go.
“So you went diving, surfing? Everything?”
“I have always been kind of a scaredy-cat, especially as a kid. My dad used to tell me ‘you just have to breathe ten seconds of courage and take the jump’. Funnily, racing was the only thing I wasn’t afraid of. I’m in control, me and the car are one.”
He listened to you for a long while, his eyes focused on the way the wind picked up your hair, your dress flowy in the wind and your bikini top peeking from under the neckline. You were looking delicious, he had to admit. You always were, but now, after spending the whole day under the sun, your skin was golden and glowy, and he imagined himself biting into your shoulder and kissing up your neck.
When you two finally stopped by the villa, Fernando looked at you attentively.
“Won’t your boyfriend be worried about you?”
“I don’t have a boyfriend,” you shook your head knowing that he was just trying to find out if you had someone.
“You don’t? Well you’re pretty and nice, I thought you’d have one by now.”
“You think I’m pretty?” You asked, blushing which made him chuckle.
“You know you are stunning.”
“Well, I know I’m pretty, I just didn’t know if I am pretty enough for you.”
“Mariposa,” his voice had a tone of reprimand, but his eyes falling down your cleavage and body, betrayed him.
“Just one kiss?” You asked, pouting, “and we don’t even have to talk about it after.”
“I can’t.”
“But you want to?” You asked, full of hope.
“We should not,” he whispered as you closed the distance to his face, your face barely centimeters from his, lips dangerously close.
“We could just,” you tried to come up with an argument, but your lips brushed his beard and you lost all train of thought.
“If we start, I will not be able to stop,” he mumbled, trying so hard to refrain himself.
“Then don’t.”
That’s all it took for him to press his fingers to your nape, pulling you in and smashing his lips to yours. And it felt divine, like nothing he had ever done before, you were sweet and the harder he kissed you, the more pliant you got in his arms, sighing and moaning softly as his hand found home over your ass, pressing firmly until your whole body was flush to his.
“Fernando,” you whispered, his lips going down your neck, his beard making goosebumps raise on your skin.
Then you walked inside without really breaking apart. Fernando pulled your dress from your body, staring at you in your bikini.
“This is tiny,” he said, hooking a finger by the string on the sides of the bottom.
You smiled some way you hoped was seductive, taking a step back so he could see you fully as you pulled the strings, letting your bikini top fall to the floor, followed by the bottom soon after.
Soon he had you bent over the back of the sofa, holding onto the seat for dear life as he knelt behind you and ate you out, fingering you ass all the way to a mind blowing orgasm. Then he fucked you senseless, whispering dirty nothings into your ear, switching English and Spanish back and forth. He slapped your ass until it was stinging, whispering about your “tempting tiny bikini”. He had you groaning, drooling against the sofa until your toes curled and you came around his cock.
“Nano… Fuck-” you moaned feeling him cumming too.
He cuddled you, both of you falling on the sofa, spent.
“Why were we holding back? We should’ve done this a long time ago.” You said, lips brushing his beard.
He didn’t answer because he knew why he had been holding back. You were young, sometimes naive, and his teammate. It was double the trouble. But he didn’t allow himself to wallow in those feelings, rather focusing on the feel of you naked in his arms.
“You know what we should do? Stay here a bit longer,” you rose from his chest, eyes glinting mischievously, “we should extend our stay here.”
“Just you and me?”
“Just us,” you whispered, planting a kiss on his chest.
And so you stayed with him. You sent your friends to Ibiza as a gift and Fernando extended his rent on the villa. You’d spend the day lazing around, cooking together and going to the beach or the pool. You played tennis and trained together in the small gym. You made love on every possible surface of that whole villa, which left you spent and satisfied every single day.
And you talked. Fernando considered you to be one of the closests people to him on the grid, but still, he learned so much more about you, about your mental strength to rise and thrive in motorsport. And you were clever and witty, joking around him, talking about life and all your dreams. And he could hear you for hours on end, never getting tired of you.
Unfortunately, your little time of uninterrupted happiness had to end. With a heavy heart, you kissed him goodbye, both of you aware that things would never go back to the way they were before summer break. But you two were also too scared to name anything, or to ruin whatever this dynamic was.
But you left Mallorca admitting to yourself that you had fallen in love even deeper.
You tried to keep texting and calling him, but you usually were in very different time zones so the texts were few and far between. Fernando even sent you a sweet text on your birthday a few of days later.
There was a gala by the end of summer break almost three weeks later, hosted by the FIA, it was mostly for mingling, and most drivers usually went, especially those trying to keep an image to the big shots.
Fernando went there because he rarely missed it. And maybe because he knew you would be there too, and maybe he could leave with you.
You arrived a little late, stunning in a green gown, with a tight corset and a big slit showing your leg. Fernando watched as you made rounds, greeting people and old men, other drivers that were your friends and their wives or girlfriends. You eventually made your way to Fernando, and he proudly waited for you when you walked up to him, the most beautiful smile adorning your lips and eyes shining just as much as the diamonds on your earrings.
“You’re beautiful, mariposa.” Fernando whispered.
“Thank you, you look handsome too. Love me a man in a tuxedo.” You whispered back conspiratorially, winking at him.
You two chatted for a little, watching the people around. You told him everything you did during summer break after you two parted ways in Mallorca. When the slow music started, you watched the couples getting to the dancefloor.
“Nano, can we dance?” You asked. He just stiffened, face unsure.
“Hm, I’m not sure.”
“Nobody will mind, we’re teammates,” you shrugged.
“I don’t think it's a good idea,” He looked at your face, still staring longingly at the couples slow dancing on the dancefloor. Yearning for something he couldn’t give you.
“Mhm…” You hummed, disappointed. You stood there silent for a couple more minutes, watching the dancefloor. Fernando imagined dancing with you, having you in his arms, listening to your voice, your hand on his shoulder. You cleared your throat for a second, “I’m gonna get a drink.”
You didn’t wait for his response, leaving with long strides to the bar, the opposite side. Fernando’s eyes never left you, he watched as you got a drink and sipped a little, sitting on a bar stool. Some people stopped to greet you quickly. At some point, Charles Leclerc stopped you, whispering something that made you giggle a little, then he offered you a hand, probably inviting you to dance, but you refused politely. You grabbed a second drink and turned on the stool, nursing your drink and still watching the party go on.
You wanted to dance with him, not anyone else.
Eventually, the party died down, and Fernando got close to you again, whispering in your ear to meet him in the most discreet parking lot and then he left. You watched his back as he made his way out. Downing whatever was left of your drink, you stood up, making a quick route to say goodbye to everyone.
Finally, you met Fernando in the car. He had driven himself in his expensive car.
As he drove away in the middle of the night, he put his hand on your thigh under the slit of the dress. You honestly wanted to jump him, to make him stop the car anywhere and just get into it.
Quietly making into his hotel room, you kicked your high heels off and kissed him, not giving him any second before deepening the kiss, pressing your body to his.
“Wait,” he managed to croak out. You took a step back. He went into his luggage and picked a small box, handing it to you, “I know your birthday was two weeks ago, but since I didn’t see you- well, happy birthday.”
“You didn’t have to…” you whispered, opening the box to a beautiful and delicate necklace with a gold butterfly pendant with small diamonds all around the wings, “it’s so beautiful, Fernando.”
“Not as much as you, Mariposa.” He whispered back, taking the necklace, placing you in front of the full body mirror and standing behind you and locking the necklace around your neck.
“Thank you”
He kissed your neck, running a hand down your arm, then kissing your shoulders while pulling the hair pins out of your hair, letting your hair free. He kept leaving hot wet kisses on your skin, calling you “hermosa” and “my mariposa” all while unzipping your dress slowly. You let him do whatever, his hands pushing the corset out until the fabric pooled around your ankles kicking it away too, and you stood in nothing but panties and the necklace.
You gasped, staring at your reflection on the mirror and him behind you, his rough fingertips running over your side, getting to your front and cupping your boobs. You felt soft as his fingers pinched your nipples, making you moan softly.
“You ready to take me?” He asked against your ears.
“Please, Nano,” you moaned his name the way you only said it when you were alone and getting intimate.
“Foot there,” he pointed to a chair. You did as he said, one leg up so he could have better access to your panties.
He pressed his chest to your back, fingers sliding inside your panties to feel your obscene wetness dampening the fabric. His fingers slid right over your clit, spreading your juices all around, before diving into your cunt. You moaned, head lolling back against his shoulder, as he pleasured you nonstop. You had been turned on even since the gala, and the ride to the hotel had been pure torture not being touched. So it didn’t take much for him to build you up, his thumb brushing your clit. Your moaning got louder and with the way he could feel your cunt clenching around his fingers, he knew you were close.
And so he stopped, making you whine. He just chuckled.
“Nano! I was so close!” You pouted.
“Needy girl, get on the bed,” he pointed again, like an order, “you’re cumming around my cock first.”
You sat on the bed slowly, still reeling from almost orgasming. You watched as Fernando started undressing in front of you, so you just ran both hands from his chest down to his thighs, fingers barely touching the straining erection in his pants.
“Don’t get greedy now. Wait.”
With his words, you stopped touching him, leaning back so you could watch him undress. When he finally got rid of all clothing, he leaned, kissing your stomach and up your boobs, mouthing your nipples as his hands pulled your panties, letting you lay down on the edge of the bed. You held his head against your nipples, his eyes finding yours through his eyelashes.
When you were both fully naked, he just held your legs open and sank into your cunt, making you moan loud as you back rose up from the bed.
“Nano- oh, fuck!” You moaned, and pulled by his neck to kiss you.
He kissed you back slowly, patiently contrasting your desperate hands on his shoulder, crawling up his neck, fingertips sinking into his soft hair, as he fucked you slowly, pressing you deliciously into the bed, one hand firmly on the bedrest and the other holding your neck, pressing until you were cumming, his lips sucking hickeys into your skin.
You two were cuddling quietly when you decided to say what you’ve been thinking about ever since Mallorca.
“We should go on a date, Fernando. Take the next step, I really like what we have.”
You could feel him stiffening against you, and you closed your eyes, afraid of what his response would be.
“We can’t, mariposa. You are way younger than me,” He said somberly, “and we’re teammates. This would be too messy for the both of us, but especially for you, who is just starting your career.”
“I don’t mind if that’s the price I need to pay to have you.”
“We can’t take this kind of risk for something we don’t even know it’s real.”
That squeezed your heart and made you angry with his denial.
“Fernando, this is real- You know that!”
“Calling a cab to take you to your hotel,” he said standing up and picking his phone. His tone was cold, detached from you, like you were just some toy for him to have fun with, and now you served your purpose.
“Don’t be like that, Fernando. This is more than just sex,” you got up, covering yourself with the bedsheet because it felt too vulnerable having this conversation naked.
“We can’t be anymore than that. You’re too young to understand.” He said not looking at you.
There was a lump on your throat rapidly forming. He knew you hated when people treated you like you were dumb because you were young.
“Please let us just talk about it-”
“There’s nothing to talk about. This means nothing! Nada!” He exclaimed.
“You don’t mean that. Don’t be a jerk.” Your voice was already wavering.
You stared at his back as he turned around, going to the opposite side of the room, your tears started falling down.
“I don’t want to hurt you.” He finally said but still didn’t look at you.
“I’m already hurt,” you said, picking up your panties from the floor hastily putting them on, realizing how Fernando had helped you with your dress, so you just picked up one of his sweaters and dressed, “do you want me or do you not?”
“I don’t want you.”
“You’re missing good things in life because of fear. Just take the fucking jump, Fernando.”
The next thing he heard was the slamming door behind you.
When he walked back, he noticed you had left the butterfly necklace on the table. Holding the necklace against the palm of his hand, he wondered if he did the right thing or just lost the best thing in his life.
You didn’t text or called him. And he didn’t either. Eventually he texted you, to tell you had “forgot” the necklace, to test the waters.
“You’re the only one who calls me mariposa. This necklace has no meaning to me if you’re not in my life.”
His mind would often wander back to Mallorca, to those few days you and him lived in paradise. Sleeping late, waking up even later, then making love lazily under the sun, sunbathing naked by the pool, and cooking together, training together. There was never silence with you, since you were always talking or singing or playing loud music.
And he missed it. As the weeks progressed and the more race weeks came, you didn’t try to talk to him about the two of you. You were still polite and talkative, usually filling his silence with stories, talks about the track and strategies. You still knocked on his helmet three times before every race, probably a pre race ritual by now.
He missed you. He missed not only the feel of your cunt around his cock, but he missed your loudness, and your laugh. He missed the light in your eyes that was slowly darkening each passing day. Like you were losing hope he would come around and change his mind.
The last race of the season, he was a little late from a meeting, so you were already getting in the car when he came out. Your visor was up, so you just looked at him, and knocked your own helmet three times as a sign to him, who did the same gesture back to you.
By around ⅔ of the race, there was an accident and the red flag was called.
It took maybe two or three minutes until all cars stopped on the pitlane, lined up under the red flag. As Fernando climbed out of the car, he turned around, looking for you, removing his helmet, guard and balaclava, he went inside the garage.
“Where’s Mariposa?” He asked, to one in particular. But then his eyes landed in Martha, your PT, and her eyes were watery as she pointed to the screen.
A sinking feeling expanded in his stomach as he saw your car, that now looked like an unrecognizable wreckage. He dropped his helmet, covering his mouth with a hand. The marshals were all around your burning car, various people with fire extinguishers, trying to lower the fire enough to pull you out.
“Has she responded yet? Did she say anything?” Fernando asked without removing his eyes from the screen.
“No,” Somebody said, somberly.
“She’ll be fine,” Fernando assured, probably trying to convince himself, and his rapid heartbeat. He had seen and had been in many ugly crashes, and in the end, the driver had come out unscathed. He was sure you could manage, you were very strong and stubborn.
When the fire died down enough, a couple of marshals pulled you out, and Fernando’s heart felt like it was stopping as they pulled you out unconscious. The marshals made a small shield around you and carried you to the ambulance.
Looking around, Fernando finally noticed how everyone was horrified by the crash, and all the drivers around seemed pale and worried. It took a couple of minutes for the FIA to decide to keep the race going, setting it to restart 15 minutes later.
“Fernando,” someone called, and he turned to be faced with George and Alex, who were your closest friends on the grid, “any news on her?”
“Not yet,” he paused, trying really hard to not freak out, “Mike went to the hospital with her.”
“That was ugly,” Alex muttered gloomily.
The tree of them stayed silent, eyes on the screen where a replay of your crash. It was probably a mechanical issue, since you were in high speed when the tyres locked, and you visibly couldn’t brake, going straight into the barriers, full force.
“Will-” George started but his voice failed a little and he cleared his throat, “will she be ok?”
“Yes. She’ll be ok.” Fernando said, not only to calm down the two young drivers, but also to convince himself, since no other option was acceptable in his mind.
You had to be fine.
“Fuck it,” Fernando went inside his room, changing quickly into more casual clothes, as he came out, the team was confused, “I’m sorry, but I have to check on her. Martha, come with me.”
He left knowing he would face terrible consequences with the FIA, not only for not going back to the race, but also because he avoided the press to go to the hospital you were taken to.
On the car, on the way to the hospital they had taken you to, his phone rang, and it was Mike, who had been the first one to go with you to the hospital. Fernando supposed Mike would want to tear him a new one for abandoning the race.
But no. Mike wanted to update him, telling you had a concussion that had knocked you out on the spot, inside the car. They were going to check if you had any more injuries with scans and tests.
By the time he got to the hospital, he met with Mike, and with Vince, your friend and manager, they said you were still unconscious and going through all the examinations necessary. The doctors wanted to see if you didn’t have any internal bleeding or fractures. They kept you unconscious during urgent care, hoping you would wake up after the tests and after the meds wear off.
Fernando sat in the waiting room unmoved, his fear eating him inside every minute you had not woken up yet. Martha was tearful the whole time, while Vince was making calls right and left, he got in touch with your family and closest friends. Alberto showed up around an hour after to pick Fernando up to go back to the hotel.
“I am not leaving,” Fernando said.
“Fernando, there’s nothing you can do. Vince said she will probably wake up late morning tomorrow, we can just-”
“I will not leave.”
Fernando’s words left no space for debate. He didn’t have any commitments for the next week. So he stayed after everyone left, waiting for news on his mariposa. He could barely drink the coffee because his stomach was churning with the lack of news. In the middle of the night, finally they finished the tests and they put you in a room.
After bribing his way inside, Fernando was able to get into your room and see you. You were sleeping, looking peaceful in that hospital bed, using an oxygen inhaler.
“Why does she need oxygen?” He asked the nurse checking on you.
“Here it says she inhaled some smoke before the fire was put off,” the woman explained, reading your chart.
“She will be alright, isn’t she?” He asked, his tone audibly worried. The nurse sighed, as if she didn’t want to say her next words.
“We can’t tell just yet. For now the scans and tests show she is fine, but we can only tell for sure after she wakes up.”
She left Fernando behind with dread consuming his every thought.
As he stared at your unconscious body on the bed, he couldn’t help but remember when you slept with him in Mallorca. Your naked body tangled with the blankets, hair splayed on the pillows and tanned limbs looking for him even in sleep, hugging him and keeping him in bed with you longer than he usually did. He sat by the bed, hand holding yours, running his thumb over your cold knuckles.
The remorse was eating him alive. You had to be alright. You had to wake up soon and laugh at his worried face, joking that you’re tougher than you look. Giving him those eyes. He couldn’t bear not looking at your eyes again, that would break him apart one last time.
Because you could have been his the whole time. He could have slept with you in his arms more often than not. He could have been stealing your kisses in dark corners and going out for dinner after late team meetings. He could’ve received random cute selfies from you throughout his day. He could’ve whispered “I love you” into your skin every night. Only he didn’t.
His last words to you were “I don’t want you” and he couldn’t take it if those were his last words for you ever. He never let himself admit to you that he had fallen. That he was absolutely crazy for you, that he loved you even before you ever kissed him.
He was about to spiral in guilt when your sister arrived in the early morning. She visibly didn’t expect Fernando there, holding her sister’s hand.
“I just talked to the doctor,” Mila, your sister, muttered.
“He said the meds will wear off later today,” Fernando said.
“You can go rest now, come back later.” Mila offered. Didn’t sound like she wanted him specifically out, but more out of worry.
“No, I- I want to stay until she’s awake.”
“Fernando, she wouldn’t want you to wear yourself thin because of her,” The way Mila said the words, it left a little unsaid.
“You know?” Was all he asked. Do you know about us? What do you think? What did she say about me? But Mila just nodded, she didn’t look judgemental.
“I know.”
He was about to leave to at least shower and eat something before coming back. As Mila got closer to your sleeping form, Fernando stood back and your sister touched your hand. Then she knocked three times on the bedside table. Fernando frowned.
“Why did you do that?” He asked Mila.
“When we were kids in karting, Dad used to do that to our helmets before races, each knock means a word. ‘I love you’, and with time it just became a silly habit of hers,” Mila explained.
Fernando’s heart twisted inside, eyes watering.
Knock. I. Knock. Love. Knock. You.
You had been doing the knocks to him for months, even before the summer break.
He left the room without a word, breathing in and out to stop the tears that threatened to spill from his eyes. He wasn’t an emotional man by any means, but the knowledge that you have been loving him for so long, broke his heart.
After going back to the hotel to shower and eat, he went knocking in Alberto’s room when he noticed he didn’t have his phone anywhere in sight ever since before the race had started. Like predicted, Alberto had his phone.
In his suite, Fernando unlocked his phone to hundreds of notifications, a lot from other drivers, asking for news about you, since not the Formula 1 or the FIA had released any notes about your condition. After shooting a few answers to the other drivers, he finally saw one notification, saying you had left him a voicemail the day before. From the time stamp, it was a bit before the race.
Wide eyed, he pressed play on the voicemail.
“Hey, I’m about to go out in the car, but I guess I just breathed 10 seconds of courage, well not enough to wait to say it to you face to face,” you giggled nervously, “but what I mean to say is, I love you. Probably not what you wanted to hear, but I do love you. And I know you don’t feel the same, but maybe you could… I don’t know, maybe you could take a chance on me. I know your reservations about the world, but… We should take the jump. I can make you really happy if you let me. And maybe one day you will grow to love me- god, that last part was pathetic- Shit- How do I delete this?” There was noise as if you were struggling with the phone and then someone called your name far away, “one second!” you told the person, “shit, I gotta go. Just please, can we talk over the winter break? I guess what I mean is that-” Then the beep ended the message, cutting your voicemail off.
He pressed play a couple more times, until he could breathe again, your voice offering some sense of peace to his mind. You were willing to have him, even after he kicked you out of his hotel room, even after he pretty much ignored your history all these past few months.
It would be alright. You would wake up, he would tell you he loved you and he was so sorry that he had wasted so much time being afraid of what people may think or how the world might treat you.
Only you didn’t.
You didn’t wake up after the meds wore off. And Fernando, your sister, Vince and Martha were all shocked when the doctor said it was possible you were in a coma.
“Everything seems ok, but she’s not waking up. Sometimes the body takes a little more time to recover from traumas like this.”
“When-” Mila’s voice failed, tears streaming down her face, “when do you believe she could wake up?”
“We can’t pinpoint that with precision,” the doctor answered.
“Get all the tests redone,” Fernando said suddenly, “maybe you missed something.”
“But-”
“I’ll pay for it.”
That’s all he said before leaving and entering a toilet by the waiting room. His chest heaving, he watered his shaky hands to try and calm down. You didn’t wake up. They weren’t sure when or if you would wake up. And, fuck, Fernando had seen that before with Jules, who was comatose for months before passing away.
He remembered the blinding pain of losing a friend and he couldn’t bear losing the love of his life too. Fernando stayed in the stall for a while, trying to calm down his terrified thoughts.
When he went back, your sister was still crying, being comforted by Vince.
“Fernando, can you stay here while we call my family?” Mila asked, and Fernando nodded.
As they left, Fernando sat by your side, holding your hand. With his thumb running over the back of your hand, he looked at your face.
“I don’t want you to go,” he whispered, “I need you here. There’s still so much for you here. Please, I just need you to fight a little more, yes? You have always been stubborn.”
He waited for some kind of miracle, for you to wake up, for your eyes to find him like they always did even in a crowded room.
“When you recover, we will go out, on a proper date, and we’ll dance, like you wanted to. We’ll hold hands and I’ll take you to meet my family.” He kissed the back of your hand softly, “Wake up, Mariposa.”
He stayed there the whole day, letting your sister go find a hotel to stay and get some sleep. Then at night, she came back, assuring Fernando that he should go to sleep too, she knew he was more than a day and a half awake. Back at the hotel, he showered the smell of hospital off and made some calls to take care of his businesses. He texted George and Alex to update them. He also talked to his family, giving updates on his teammate, but not prolonging the chat as to not risk breaking down because of the state his mariposa was in the hospital. Then he went to sleep after a quick dinner, exhausted enough to sleep fairly quickly.
He managed to sleep the whole night, going in and off dreams of you, his brain probably too worried to really forget, even unconscious. He woke up at dawn, going back to the hospital so your sister could leave to rest.
Fernando checked on you first thing, and you were still unconscious, but your sister was on the phone talking to your parents, so he just left to give her a little privacy. He went into the cafeteria and drank a small cup of coffee.
As he went back, he noticed how agitated Vince looked on the phone right outside your room.
“Vince, what happened?” He asked, dreading that the worse had happened in the few minutes he was away.
“She woke up!”
Fernando’s eyes welled up with tears as he opened the door.
“-No, no, don’t talk just yet. Let’s wait for the doctor,” you sister said to you, then both of them looked at Fernando, who looked rooted to the spot, “Fernando! She woke up!” Your sister said through happy tears.
Your sister hugged again, kissing your head, whispering how she loved you all while Fernando stood there, trying to will his limbs to move. Then the doctor and a nurse came, asking you all to leave so he could examine you.
He waited outside as your sister went on the phone with the good news to your family again. Then the doctor came out, announcing you were looking good, and apparently no sequelae but they would still keep you for a few more days for close examination and to make sure everything was alright.
Barely registering anything, Fernando just entered your room, and you smiled at him. You smiled. Your eyes shining bright like you had just woken up from a simple nap.
And then he cried. Fully cried for the first time since the accident, like the relief of seeing you alive and well broke the dam of the tears he had been trying to hold back. And he could breathe again. Covering his face with both hands, he tried to get himself in control but he only stopped when he heard you.
“Na-” your voice was hoarse, “-no.”
“No, don’t talk yet. The nurse said your throat might feel a little dry.” He managed to subside his tears enough to talk.
When he sat down on the chair, you lifted your hand to hold his face. You were still a bit weak, but you wiped his face of the tears. He held your hand with both of his, kissing your palm.
“You gave us quite the scare,” Fernando said with a small smile. You smiled back, looking sleepy, “I thought I was going to lose you.”
You shook your head minimally but your eyes had that mischievous glint, like you were thinking of a silly joke about how tough you actually are.
“I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry for making you think I don’t love you, when I really do. I have for the longest time. We’ll make it work, however you want,” he just dumped the words, not wanting to lose another precious second not being yours, “soy tuyo, Mariposa. Te amo, mi amor.”
You just held his hand, squeezing it slowly three times. I. Love. You.
#f1 fanfic#f1 x reader#f1 imagine#f1 fic#f1#formula 1#fernando alonso x reader#fernando alonso x you#fernando alonso#formula one#Spotify
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Everyone knows that Light and L matched each other's freak but I think their dynamic in the musical (the Japanese ver specifically) is underrated. Like it's not super different from canon but they just had this extra edge of Violence that we never quite saw from the more methodical and careful mindgames in canon death note and I think it's great. Like, yes, they did declare in canon that they will bring each other to justice, yes L says he wants to send Kira to his execution, but in the lyrics of the musical they both outright say multiple times that they just want to straight up Kill each other. It's direct the whole way through. There's more mutual contempt. This game is about nothing more than simply being the first one to Kill the Other (they actually use the word "殺し合い" (koroshiau) or "to kill each other" to describe their game (translated as "murderous ... game")).
(Sidenote but all those references about wanting to send each other to Hell?? Beautiful)
Yeah this is a battle of justice and ideals, yes that clash is a key part of their final confrontation at the end of the musical, but throughout their duets (or even songs like The Game Begins where they're singing by themselves) there's this near singleminded desire to just fucking End each other. It's fucking Raw and it's great.
Also THIS FUCKING SCENE?? THIS SCENE FROM SECRETS AND LIES. Iconic. Actually Insane. My jaw dropped. Light looks like a crazy bitch it's beautiful.
Um. Also. Obligatory Playing His Game (yknow the gay sex song) lines dump. It basically says everything I just said above in like 9 lines. You see what I mean right.
In canon they're playing a game of mental chess, trying to use everyone around them to finally catch the other as their end goal, but in the musical you really do feel like all they see is each other. They would probably beat each other to death with their fists if it came down to that. Idk they're just so excited and fired up about their little game in the musical and it's so unhinged and fun and special and I love it. It's like the writers for the musical decided to kick their murderous intent up a couple notches and the result is absolutely Beautiful.
I also think that the intensity of their rivalry in the beginning just makes the wind-down of The Way It Ends soo much better. It's such a good contrast to their previous duets where they try to sing over each other (Secrets and Lies & Stalemate) or with each other but basically at the top of their lungs (Playing His Game). It feels like there's both a quiet mutual understanding but also an underlying disappointment that the game is finally over. In canon, L's death Is instead the peak of their game, the moment he gets confirmation that Light is Kira is the exact same moment that he dies. In the jdrama it's almost sudden, how L dies, after the quiet moment has already passed. But in the musical L's death, ironically, Is the one quieter moment in their game. Their peak was the game itself. It was Secrets and Lies and Playing His Game. But the end of the game in the musical is not a victory, it's just (as L says) the end of everything they'd been wanting up until this point.
Uh. Fuck it. Clip from the Kenji Urai version because I just love his delivery here. His tone just goes so well with the silence and the sound of the clock ticking. You see what I mean right.
Their rivalry in the musical may have been more shortlived but like Damn they were really enjoying every second of it. They were truly insane about each other until the very end. (Like despite everything I just said about the ending it was still unhinged as fuck. Light Making L Shoot Him and then Making L Shoot Himself with L's Own Hand?? Holy shit man. What the fuck /pos)
Musical Light and L your game might've been shorter but you'll always be famous <33 Please never inflict what you had on anyone else ever please stay in hell forever thank you
#death note#lawlight#dn#light yagami#l lawliet#death note musical#sorry this just ended up being a musical screenshot dump and also this is Extremely all over the place i'm just in love okay#btw this was all pointed out by my irl either after secrets and lies or playing his game when we watched the musical together a while ago#and i was like “OHHHHH YOURE A GENIUS ”#got reminded of this on a random whim and like. man i Love that for them actually. two freaks </3#usually i'm thinking more about the hidden sincere and tragic sides of their relationship in the other medias#but man their musical dynamic was also something special#coda analyzes stuff
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Child popstar Steve Harrington finally finishes out his label contract and spends five years off the grid. Most ppl just assume the label didn't know what to do with him and that he didn't have enough auto tune to keep himself relevant.
Meanwhile Steve's been off writing the most devastating folk album to be released since Stick Season. It's a departure, to say the least, but his fans have aged with him so all that poppy angst from their tweens finds a new home with his smooth, crooning voice and his clever lyrics and the subtle use of wind instruments that shouldn't work but somehow DO and But Tammy's A Girl goes TikTok viral overnight.
Eddie Munson, looking to assuage his PR teams worries about his ever escalating internet feud with Ronnie Radke, starts reviewing music in non-metal genres as kind of a cute little schtick, except he's really insightful and KNOWS HIS SHIT where music is concerned so the videos he puts out get more and more popular, to the point that a lot of ppl unwilling to bounce genres eventually find themselves streaming Eddie's albums to get a sense of his own musicality.
When Steve releases Be Kind Rewind, Eddie adds it to his list and doesn't think about it for a few weeks, anticipating based on the longevity of BTaG that it'll still be relevant by then.
When he actually gets to it he goes about it how he always does -- pulls up his research right there on the Live and reads out anything of significance. He'll edit it down later.
Only this time he sits and stares for a good minute because "Sorry guys, I had this guy's poster hanging over my bed when I was like twelve - when the hell did he step away from label approved pop?"
He loves the album. Everyone loves the album but Eddie specifically waxes lyrical about the poetry of the lyrics and the way they work with the melody and the quiet sense of LOSS it evokes even as it forges a new path and the narrator finds a new muse. The final edit of the reaction video is three times longer than the album.
Eddie gets a call from his publicist three days later. "I have a Robin Buckley on the line?"
"Who - "
"Trust me I'm just gonna patch her through."
The Munson Harrington Collab breaks the internet for a week.
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tagged by @fullfledgedegg ohmygod my url repeats so many letters let's see New Men With Old Man Names - Schmekel
Ocean Breathes Salty - Modest Mouse
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Te Hubieras Ido Antes - Julión Álvares y su Norteño Banda
Every Hundred Years - David Buckley (The Sandman S1 OST)
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La Rosa De Los Vientos - Mägo de Oz
Orbit_ - ONEWE
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Violet Hill - Coldplay
Ostara - Moonloom
You In Me - KARD
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Anpanman - BTS
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Days gone by - DAY6
APOCALYPSIS NOCTIS - Yoko Shimomura (FFXV OST)
Rock Me Amadeus - Falco okay done! took me like 40 minutes to put this together bc i ended up listening to the whole songs again and others i didn't add lol - the links weren't necessary but i wanted to. i love music. also, not a requirement but also no repeated artists. so. that's 13 letters. 13 people (u all are not obligated to do something) @4humankind @raelwrites @fangirling-phoenix @novasonthenormandy @rasninja @alexxuun @catmanbowser @maraschinomerry @beardedtreedestiny @tsikuri @alenseress @rainy-days-and-nights @rururinchan
Tag game: URL song
“Spell your url with song titles and then tag as many people as there are letters.”
Prev thread got too long so I'm starting a new one. Thanks for the tag @frogayyyy !
Mountains O' Things (Tracy Chapman)
Angeles (Elliott Smith)
Regulars (Allie X)
Last Night I Had The Strangest Dream (Ed McCurdy)
Independence Day (Elliott Smith)
Neon Sisters (Thomas Dolby)
Sea, Swallow Me (Cocteau Twins)
Pissing In A River (Patti Smith)
Insomniatic (Aly and Aj)
Rosie (Joan Armtrading)
Killer Queen (Queen)
Happy (Mitski)
Anyone But Me (Joy Crookes)
Leave A Tender Moment Alone (Billy Joel)
Lyin' Eyes (Eagles)
No pressure tags: @blue-jello-queen @herenya-writes @convenient-plot-device @jimkirkachu @hurt-spock @renthebarbarian @ellisper @systemadministratorclu @redshiftsinger @joybates @beauty-grace-outer-space @detectivehole @gayspock @ifdragonscouldtalk @transxfiles @soft-and-certain and also, open tag to anyone who wants to do it!
#im proud of this one#the first song is quite trans#the second one is a recent one i found and liked#the third one is hilarious lol is regional mexican music and one ppl don't usually associate with me bc im picky with their lyrics#fourth one is because that song and episode make me insane. changed my brain chemistry fr fr and i met finn thanks to it#not the song. the show. but i haven't taken the 'Dream' out of his contact name#5th one is one of my fav ones from that band and im 'the annoying one' who puts their songs after certain hour at parties lol#and a neighbor had the song playing loudly at 11am on a sunday so yeah it's fresh on my memory lol#6th one starts playing. me *proceeds to lay down and cry*#okay but rael introduced me to that specific song and it's also a special one for me#7th because of course i could not NOT add a coldplay song. do you know who am i without them??#and violet hill is just one of those that are SO good i need that on my veins and experience it live#the 8th one is one alen shared on a witcher playlist and the music is EXACTLY what i love of a specific genre and its just y e s#9th goes so fucking hard and the video is insane i love kard so much im still sad i haven't seen them live#even when the've come SO MUCH to my country lmao but oh well. their music is just so - lemme dance#10th is just bc i really like bts and they helped me bond with so many ppl and THAT song is SO fun. i almost learned the whole choreo#LISTEN DAY6 WAS AHEAD OF EVERYONE WITH 11TH - they got this 80's/90's song back mid 2019 before the 'retro wave' in kpop#or the one that we got kind of recently. day6 was OUT THERE with that banger. ah. it always lifts my mood :')#12th is just because it's a MASTERPIECE of a song. im obsessed with it. it's my most played song on the last ff rythm game#the fucking winds. the oboe. the chorus. complete musical ascension experience#and i already forgot the lyrics to 13th lmao but it reminds me of late middleschool and early highschool parties where FOR SOME REASON#we were listening to it and just repeating the name and dancing to it lmao no idea what happened there but yeah. nostalgia#take this as both an unsolicited lore dump AND me wanting to see what u all listen to or pick#gaal talks#tag game#i had a tag for these things but it's been so long i forgot it ngl#me#personal#??? kind of#in the tags
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