#like pizza and macaroni

[oooohno]

I had a bomb burrito at 3am this morning and I’m convinced it only tasted good bc I was drunk but damn I wish I had leftovers

[eyeballdrawer]

Mmm the cheese boy.

[gemwolfz]

more rare digital frogs yippee :)

[amtrak12]

Apparently 90% of my pain and suffering the last few days hasn't been the giant incision across my neck but the drain tube I got sent home with??? But that fucker is gone now!! :D Hurt like HELL to get it removed, but immediately my range of motion improved and I could look left again?? Crazy. Fuck surgerical drains. Negative 12 out of 10. Actively loathe them.

[rainbow-arrow]

some news: i survived

some other news: people really don’t expect the salt to be with the other spices

[funky-dealer]

anyone else here have cicis as their favorite pizza place

[lokis-army-77]

A request for you: hugging best friend!Eddie and he pops a boner. Do what you will with this information. - @munson-blurbs 💚

Recipes for Romance

Bestfriend!Eddie Munson x fem reader

Word Count: 2.1k

When your best friend comes home while you're cooking dinner and something happens. . .

Warning: 18+. Oral (m receiving), gagging, choking, masturbation, cum swallowing

Thank you @munson-blurbs for sending this in.. I do believe this is the best BJ I've written 💗💗.

Masterlist

It's funny how love happens. One minute you're friends with someone and then the next, you realize something fundamental in your relationship has changed. No longer were you childhood best friends living together in a small, two-bedroom apartment trying to make a place for yourselves in this world. Now, you were childhood best friends who live together but one of you has an unrequited crush on the other. 

Simple chores around the house and just hanging out with one another have turned into something more domestic on your end. You could see yourself coming home to him so easily. 

Really, what would change if you were to tell him? Nothing, other than he would kiss you when you came home instead of only giving you a hug and asking what was on the menu for dinner that night. 

That's where you were tonight. In the kitchen, chopping up ingredients for dinner like usual, thanks to Eddie's lack of expertise in anything other than pizza rolls and microwavable macaroni cups. If it had been left up to him both of you probably would have starved by now. 

It was nearing eight when Eddie strolled through the apartment door, guitar slung on his back and an amp being hoisted up in his arms. Oh, those arms. He was wearing a black muscle shirt, perfect for the summer heat and showing off the delicious-looking veins that protrude from them. 

“Hey, Eds!” You call out to him. 

He grumbles out, “Hey,” in response, and fumbles with his things all the way down the hallway behind you, to your right, and into his room. 

It’s a few moments and chopped cilantro later that you hear his bare feet padding back to where you are. 

“How was your day?” The question comes out smoothly, without a thought, because you had been asking him this same thing forever. 

“Good," he answers. “I’m exhausted.” 

“Well, it’s a good thing dinner's almost ready, then you can go to bed.” You move about the small rectangular kitchen area with the grace that comes with knowing the area like the back of your hand. 

You’re stirring the warming spaghetti sauce so that it doesn’t burn to the bottom of the pan when you feel those same bare arms you had been lustfully gazing at only a short while before reaching around your hips. You stop, freezing your movements to focus on how not to let Eddie feel the racing of your heart. 

His chin rests on your shoulder and his hair tickles your neck. “Smells good,” he mumbles. 

You blush. You know he’s talking about the food but you wish he were talking about you. It was always nerve-wracking for you when he got clingy like this. Knowing you couldn’t just relax into him how you wanted. Having to hold yourself back from turning your head and giving him a peck on the lips. 

Eddie continued to watch you cook, nuzzling his nose deeper into the crook of your neck. You were hyper-aware of his lips on your bare skin and you were even more aware of growing hardness pressing against your ass. 

Your face heats up even more as you think to yourself, ‘Why god? Why do this to me?’ It’s a struggle to keep stirring the food when all your attention is focused on your best friend's dick. You shift your weight from one foot to the other, the movement has Eddie humming into your neck and making him harden even more. 

One of his hands unwraps from around you and grips your hip. You can feel his breathing becoming more labored as he struggles behind you. 

You reposition yourself once more, this time pushing back into him just a little. Eddie can’t catch the strangled moan that flies up from his throat. 

“Fuck.” His lips move across your skin like a hot branding iron, saying your name breathlessly. 

“Eddie?” You question innocently. 

“Hum?” He replies. 

You push the saucepan back onto a cool part of the stovetop and turn the once-in-use eye off. 

“Are you…” You can’t bring yourself to say it out loud, but he knows your silent query. 

It takes him a moment to say anything. He swallows hard and nods. “Yeah. Shit, I’m sorry.” He squeezes your hip with his large hand and begins to back away. 

“Wait!” Your voice is louder than you had anticipated it to be but the urgency in it stops Eddie before he is fully separated from you. “Eddie, wait,” you say much softer this time. 

He stops, the tips of his fingers barely touching you. You turn around in his light hold, eyes staring up into his. Your heart is beating a mile a minute as you say, “I can help with that y’know.” 

Eddie sputters, seemingly choking on air. “W-what?” His face blushed a deep red and it flushed all the way down his neck.

Taking a breath, you try and calm yourself down. Those six words can’t be taken back now, but why would you want to do that anyway? The thought of his hard cock filling your mouth was the only thing running through your mind and now that a chance had arisen, you were going to take it. 

“I said,” You trail your hand down down down until you are cupping him over his jeans. “I can help with that… Unless you don’t want me to.” 

Eddie’s eyes go wide and he opens and closes his mouth like he’s trying to find the words to say only to be left mute. Instead, he nods his head, letting his curls cover his face. 

You turn your bodies, pushing him up against the counter, and with less practiced grace than moving about the kitchen, you begin to undo his pants. His breath catches and he looks away from you for only a moment when your hand dips past the waistband of his pants. 

“Oh god-” He swallows. 

Ever so slowly you begin your descent to your knees, taking his pants and boxers down with you. The sight left before you makes your mouth water and your legs clench. He looks painfully hard, the tip flush and a bead of pre-cum pooling at the slit. You ached to run your tongue over the vein protruding down his shaft, you needed to have his balls in your mouth. 

So, that’s what you do. From base to tip you lick a fat, wet strip up him. His hips jerk forward, one hand caught in your hair, and the other holds on for dear life to the edge of the counter. You lick again and again, over and over. 

“Fuck-,” your name falls from Eddie's lips in a whimper. That sound had your stomach flipping and your pussy fluttering. You needed him to do that again.  

You start to pepper kisses along his shaft, ending at his head and giving it one big smooch before opening and taking him into your mouth. 

Eddie tugs on your hair at the first experimental suck that you give him. You can't help but moan at the slight pain. Taking him a bit more you suck again, gentle and with little force. 

"Ah-." There it was, that whiny sound. 

You bring your hand up to wrap around the length of him not nestled in the warmth of your mouth. Giving him a firm squeeze you begin to move. Up and down, up and down. You follow your hand with your mouth. 

The hot and tangy taste of him spreads across your tongue and pre-cum just dribbles out of him. Really, it makes you salivate, it makes you wet. And what really turns you on is knowing that this is your best friend. This is the guy you've known since forever. The guy you never thought you would ever be doing this with. 

It made you hungry for more, needy, and unsatisfied. You dip your head further down, lips meeting your fingers at his base.

"Oh God. Oh fuck." Another strangled whimper followed by the prettiest grunts and groans. Your other hand, resting on Eddie's thigh, could feel how his leg tensed with every suck, with every nudge of the back of your throat. Then he jerked forward again. His cock buries deep into your throat.

You choke and gag around him, spit dripping from the corners of your mouth and falling down your neck. Tears sting in your eyes but you let him thrust into you. 

Eddie says your name like a prayer. It flows from his lips in a melody only for you. He’s got your hair fisted in his hand, fingers digging into your skull. Your own fingers dig into his strong thighs. Then, he lets you go and you pull away fast for air. A string of drool connects your lips to his cock. 

“Eddie,” You say as you look up at him through thick lashes and heavy eyes. 

“Mmm.” He hums, head falling to the side. 

“You taste so good. Want you to cum down my throat.” 

He looks down at you in such a way that you think you can see something other than love for a friend. Something more potent, something like what you feel for him. It makes the breath catch in your lungs. 

Eddie releases his grasp on your hair and smooths his hand down and onto your cheek. His thumb rubs light circles into your skin. You lean in more, scooting closer to him on your knees, ignoring the numbness in them. 

The cheek he isn’t touching rests on his thigh and you continue to look up at him as you take his cock fully in your hand and start pumping. 

Eddie bites his lip but that doesn’t stop the moans. “God damnit, baby…” 

He’s never called you that before. Sure a pet name here and there, sweetheart or something of the sort, but never baby. The name had you aching with need and it only took a few more high-pitched whimpers from Eddie to have you shoving your other hand down your shorts. 

You were drenched, wetness pooled in your panties and around your fingers as you swiped them through your folds. You trail your lips down to his balls and kiss them before sucking one into your mouth. 

There is a moment when you think Eddie is going to fall on top of you. You feel his knees buckle and his feet shuffling to keep himself upright. 

You let go of him with a pop and then take the other into your mouth, warming him and running your tongue over the skin. 

“Fuck fuck fuck. Baby- mmm,” Eddie can’t keep quiet and you don’t want him to. The louder he is, the more it encourages you. 

After a few more pumps of your hand, you move your mouth back to the tip of his cock and take him deep. This time when he hits the back of your throat, you don’t gag as bad but tears still swell in your eyes. You let him buck his hips into you, following his rough pace with your hand as you rub your fingers into your clit. 

“Gonna cum baby, fuck gonna make me cum. Such a pretty mouth." Eddie blubbers. "Fuck I love you, baby. Gonna fill that mouth up. You gonna swallow all of it, baby?"

You hum around his cock at his words. Heart beating faster and safer as your own orgasm begins to come forward. 

With a hand buried in your hair again. Eddie pushes you down onto his cock, nose pressed against his abdomen and drool spilling down your chin. You feel him twitch and watch through tear-rimmed eyes as his head falls back and his mouth hangs open. Eddie lets out the most lewd-sounding moan as he releases his sticky, hot cum down your throat. 

You swallow and swallow, consuming all that he gives you. Your hand still works between your thighs and in a gush of pleasure, you can feel your release dripping over your fingers. 

Pulling away from Eddie, his cock now softening, you catch your breath. You move to sit more comfortably on the floor and lean your forehead on Eddie's left knee. 

"Wow…" Eddie heaves out. "That was- that was fucking amazing." His grip eases in your hair and then he's adjusting himself back into his pants before sitting on the floor with you. 

"Look at me?" He asks. You're avoiding eye contact with him, embarrassment of the actions and words just exchanged flooding through you. 

"Sweetheart, please look at me." He pleaded.

That name had you looking timidly through your hair. Those big, brown eyes caught yours and in that moment you knew that another fundamental piece of your relationship had changed. 

No longer was it two childhood best friends living together with one having a crush on the other. No. It was now two childhood best friends who loved each other in every way, who were once too scared to say anything lest they break up the friendship. 

[pk-dann]

The last thing you see before you die

[bogleech]

At least being an extremely picky eater as a child means my adult life became filled with brand new food experiences.

Among the things I never tasted until my 20s and up include pizza, waffles, pasta sauce, macaroni and cheese, fried eggs, meatballs, sausage of any kind, fish other than canned tuna, shrimp, crab, steak, ice cream other than plain chocolate, cooked vegetables in general, jam or jelly of any kind, gravy, stew, curry, vegetable stir fry, nuts, berries, and tomatoes.

Before roughly some point in my very late teens for some reason the thought of eating any of those and countless other things repulsed me. I liked only smooth bland textures with one simple flavor. My meal of choice was pasta with nothing on it but butter and a pinch of salt. Yes like just a bowl of pure starch. The only vegetable I liked was every form of potato, and lettuce. Like I just ate plain heads of lettuce.

Now I love every food so much I eagerly anticipate the next time I'll be hungry but then I'm paralyzed by choices. Even sandwiches I can make at home feel like an indulgence sometimes. I plain overlook some things for years, like I just realized today I don't know what a "banana split" is like but I had a banana and some ice cream. Now I do! I like ice cream a lot better with a banana I think! Im forty

[mcytblrconfessions]

The way the mcyt fandom treats cc’s ages has always been so strange to me.

Like under 18 is “small child little baby just a boy” as though they’re 10 (which is annoying), but the second a cc turns 18 all of a sudden that’s considered a full grown adult on an equal maturity level as their 30ish-year-old coworkers (which is weird). Nah babe that’s still a goofy teenager who doesn’t understand how taxes work and lives off of box macaroni, ramen, and pizza deliveries. I used to TA the first-year students at my university and my god 18-19 year olds are still mentally children in so many ways, and that’s okay. That’s how human development works; your brain is still cooking.

And then there’s the whole thing of acting like the 30+ year-olds are ancient and also everyone’s parent. Which is also strange. 30 is not that old. Most people at 30 are still figuring their lives out. I can only think of a single person I know in real life in their early thirties who is married, lives in a house (which they rent), and is just now having their first kid. That’s not your dad that’s just your favorite burnt-out millennial.

I’m guessing both of these things have to do with the average viewer age but that’s a much longer post.

[vasyandii]

Hello! I just wanted to say that I absolutely adore your IHNMAIMS oc. I'm a OC x canon enthusiast and seeing a character so well written and adapted to the story as Vernon is makes me so excited!! Plus your art is literally amazing. I've been curious since you mentioned how Vernon cuts potions of her meal to give them to AM and how the food improved since AM got his body, what food/meals do Vernon and AM like/dislike/have as favourite? -for AM, at least from what he has tasted- Whether if it's because of the taste, flavour, etc.

Howdy Anon! Thank you so much for the kind words, I've been giddy since I got it a few days ago! I'm glad my OC x Canon content gets your stamp of Approval >:D!! 💞💞

VernonAM 🏺🖥️ Food Preferences

I think Vernon is careful in choosing the food she shares with AM because he will eat literally ANYTHING. She would try to eat things to torture herself with, extremely spicy foods, live insects, raw organs, etc. but then remember that she has to "Feed AM". So she opts out for something normal so his taste buds don't get fucked.

Or as normal as it can get, the food kind of has the uncanny valley effect as well. It looks normal and tastes normal, but she feels there's something a bit off about it (kind of like airplane food). So she often leaves criticism to the Chef™ (AM) or asks to cook instead.

Vernon isn't particularly picky when it comes to food, she'll eat it and clean her plate. She likes her food balanced, vegetables/meat with sauce and all that. If it tastes good, she'll eat it, y'know?

AM is more... difficult. Sure, he'll eat anything, but if it tastes really bad, it'll traumatize him and he'll refuse to eat it for a while.

His food has to not be touching, if it's mixed in all together beforehand he'll eat it. If there's sauce it shouldn't be close enough to where it can contaminate the food AM's eating because he WILL taste it, no matter how small the amount is. His utensils need to be a specific size, and the food HAS to be hot/warm. He needs to be able to see or know every ingredient in it.

It's observed that AM likes fried foods/anything crunchy because of how consistent they are in taste, texture, and flavour. So what ends up happening is Vernon will just include those foods into her meal, just to not eat it and have it on a little plate for him.

Vernon asks him why he can't just make food for himself, his response is "I don't need to eat, I eat when when you eat."

But honestly it's a pretty dumb question now that she's looking back on it. AM has all the knowledge in the world about food, everything ever made, everything he's never tasted. So he's basically asking Her, indirectly, "I don't know where to start or what's good. But you do. I trust you. Feed me."

Now here's some of the meals They've had together (+ AM's comments):

Chicken soup ("Too wet", just ate the broth)

Caesar Salad ("Damp, Crunchy water")

Vanilla ice cream (experienced a brain freeze for the first time, thought his body was malfunctioning)

Spaghetti Bolognese ("No I will not be mixing it, you mix it for me")

Western beef stew (He picked out the potatoes and only ate those. Thought the meat was irritating to eat.)

Baby carrots. ("You know they bleach these, right?")

Asparagus (he likes them. Needs to be warm)

Broccoli (same thing)

Cheese Pizza (Ate it, ate too much. Tummy hurted.)

Tempura (Ate too much, tummy hurted)

Fish and chips (Ate too much, tummy hurted)

Coffee, black (spat it out)

Macaroni and cheese (Ate too much, tummy hurted)

Grilled chicken hearts skewers (He liked it, but kept poking the roof of his mouth with the skewer.)

Half a Hamburger (picked out the vegetables because he didn't like them, still tasted it and gave the rest to Vernon)

Half a cheeseburger (ate it with no fuss.)

Aaand that'll be all for now :) if you made it this far, thank you for reading! If you need any clarifications, feel free to tell me!

[genshingorlsrevengeance]

Furina, Ei and few more characters of your choice with a S/o who is comically bad at cooking. As in they make a bowl or cereal and it catches on fire

(Genshin Impact/H:SR) Furina, Ei, Clorinde, Arlecchino, Chiori, Firefly, Stelle, March 7th, Himeko, Seele, and Natasha's S/O being terrible at cooking

(Furina) "BLECH! This is repulsive, S/O! How on earth did you mess up a simple sandwich!?"

Furina thought it was fine to let S/O cook for the both of them, but clearly she was mistaken!

They couldn't even toast a grilled cheese without something going awry!

...Granted she didn't really know how to cook either, but that was beside the point!

(Furina) "Worry not, we have prepared for this contingency. Let us eat the macaroni we have in the fridge!"

In which she promptly burned them.

(Ei) "Hm...I see you too cannot cook."

This was a problem, for both her and S/O.

This meant that S/O was unable to cook sweets.

...Oh well, that's what the help is for.

(Ei) "I will simply ask the servants to bring us dinner, it is of no concern to us."

Ei will unsubtly hint that S/O should get better at cooking and train, solely for the purpose of her not having to buy her dango.

(Clorinde) "...I admit, this is my first time seeing a cereal bowl on fire."

Clorinde doesn't know, and quite frankly she doesn't want to know how this happened.

She knew S/O wasn't great at cooking, and just let them pour a bowl of milk.

Clearly, that was the heavens punishing her for such a thought.

(Clorinde) "I know some quiet restaurants we can have breakfast in, S/O."

(Arlecchino) "I am impressed, S/O. I did not know it was physically possible to mess up this badly on scrambled eggs."

She knew one thing, and one thing clear.

For the love of the Archons, do not let S/O near the stove during the barbecues.

Arlecchino knew this was beyond help or training at this point.

(Arlecchino) "Make sure to clean the pan well. And do throw away the bag once the eggs are disposed of."

(Chiori) "I think this steak is still mooing at me."

By the Shogun's left tit, the steak S/O """"cooked"""" was raw.

She knew she had to be blunt, lest someone get killed trying to be polite and eat S/O's impersonation of food.

(Chiori) sigh "Here, let me do it. If you need me to cook next time, just ask."

(Firefly) ACK! "A-Ahem, sorry...I can order us something if you'd like, S/O!"

Firefly has a sympathetic look that she gives S/O.

Cooking was hard, and she could tell S/O tried their best to make something for her, and the thought at least counts!

However, she's pretty sure her systems would register whatever S/O tried to whip up as a life-threatening object.

(Firefly) "Here, let me know what you want and I'll go grab it! My thrusters will make grabbing the pizza no problem!"

(Stelle) "...I think I'll pass on dinner."

It broke her heart to reject something S/O made with love.

But if she ate the fruits of S/O's love, she was pretty sure she'd jut die on the spot.

Yeah, no thanks, she prefers to LIVE.

(Stelle) ...At least it's not Himeko's coffee.

(March 7th) "PUWAH! EYUCK!...U-Uh, I mean...-"

March struggles to find a way to describe S/O's cooking without resorting to spitting on the ground.

She has had some bad food throughout her travels, but holy cow did S/O's food take the cake, then throw it into a garbage disposal.

(March 7th) "...How about we try some local cuisine outside the Astral Express! Yeah, let's do that!"

(Himeko) "Hm...I think you could have a bit more seasoning."

Honestly, it could have a lot more than that, but it wasn't the worst thing she's tasted.

With a little bit of help, Himeko would get S/O to cook like a pro in no time!

Besides, S/O enjoyed her coffee, so she should have the same courtesy, even if the rest of the Express crew wanted neither of their courtesy cooking.

(Himeko) "How about we do a few taste tests? I bet that can help!"

(Seele) hurk! "Holy hell, what did you put in this?!"

Seele isn't exactly picky about her food, but this wasn't food.

This was poison, one that she almost ingested.

(Seele) "We gotta do something about that cooking of yours, S/O. We could use it as a lethal weapon the way it is..."

(Natasha) "E-Er...I don't think this is my preferred palette, S/O. No offense, of course."

Natasha's usual food of choice was edible.

She had no idea where S/O learned to cook, but wherever it was, they clearly had never tasted anything remotely like actual food.

But, it also made sense, considering they were underground for a very long time.

(Natasha) "Would you like to join me the next time I cook something, S/O? It'd just be something more akin to my taste, is all." Like something a stomach can actually digest...

[gustavsbrainneuron]

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎An unexpected party.

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ 2008 Kaulitz twins × female reader.

Warnings: just fluff ig, rushed ass fic, reader making a surprise for the twins!!! :3

Author's note: HAPPY BDAY TO THE TWINS YAAAAAYYAYAYYYAYAYYAYAYAY <333 I LOVE THEM SM. English isn't my first language so i'm sorry if there are any mistakes. ALSO HONORABLW MENTION TO MY BADOOKIE COOKIE @himehanni CUZ SHE HELPED ME GET AN IDEA TO WRITE THIS FIC.

You started thinking about this two days ago, when you, the best childhood friend of the most famous twins at the moment, decided to prepare a surprise party for them. But how would you hide it from them? How were you going to prepare it without them noticing? Simple, you would leave Gustav and Georg to distract the twins while you went to prepare the party and rent a nightclub, after all, it's your best friends' birthday party, it needs to be big and extremely unforgettable.

First thing in the morning, you woke up very early to start the marathon to prepare the party. With a cup of coffee and a small notepad, you started writing down in a messy writing - what you thought you had to have at that party. "Tom loves really noisy, busy and crowded things.." you said quietly, just trying to think better about what to plan. "And Bill is almost a vampire in disguise who hates crowded things, ugh...how am I supposed to do that?" You questioned yourself, clicking your pen impatiently as you looked at your notepad. They were both twins but they had such different contrasts, how could they be so different?!

Thinking and thinking, you started to write down step by step about what you should do to make this surprise party something incredible. Firstly: you thought about the location of the nightclub, it was big place, with a bar, dance floor, a place for DJs to play music, neon lights everywhere, a second floor where you would place the food? Perhaps. Secondly: the decorations. You opted for something very simple, balloons in Tom and Bill's favorite colors. It wasn't like you had many ideas, you didn't want to do something fancy and boring, why not something silly? The nightclub itself was already decorated. Thirdly, food. Your intention was to try and bring some nostalgia to the twins since you grew up together and spent a lot of time together, so you knew what they liked and didn't like. You knew what would give them nostalgia and what wouldn't, but you also had to please the guests, of course, so you turned to simpler foods and drinks like; alcoholic or non-alcoholic drinks, pizzas, nachos, hamburgers, cupcakes, cheesecake, macaroni and cheese, jello, potato fries, shortbread cookies, etc.

Obviously, during the day, you sent messages to Bill and Tom whenever you could and they couldn't even imagine why you couldn't be with them because you said you had commitments with your relatives; who lived in another state, far away from them. Was lying bad? yes, but it was necessary. And It was for a good reason, at least.

With time running out, you felt the pressure mounting, but you were determined to make every detail perfect. You didn't even have breakfast and you already ran to the party venue, the decorations still had to be put up, so you spent the morning decorating that huge nightclub with colorful balloons, giving everything a more festive and beautiful atmosphere.

Then, it was time to do something much simpler: the playlist. You wanted to mix both of their musical tastes, maybe hip-hop, pop and rock together? Or would that be messy? In the end you chose pop, both twins liked it so it was fine.

During the night, you wanted to make more homemade dishes (even though you knew it wouldn't last a second in the crowded party), so you made some spicy tacos, used the shortbread cookies to decorate them, just like you used to do in childhood, usually together with the twins, but now alone, feeling only nostalgia taking over.

In the morning you woke up slightly tired, as you spent more time thinking about the party than dreaming. You told Georg and Gustav to find a way to take Tom and Bill to the nightclub at night, maybe telling them to celebrate their birthday in some random nightclub?? Anything to get them to the surprise party. Meanwhile, during the day you invited some of their relatives and friends too, wanting to make the party really full.

During the afternoon, with the help of some friends who were already arriving at the nightclub, you arranged the food on a large table on the second floor, the savory snacks would be on the left and the sweets on the right, to make it easier for anyone who wanted to eat something specific. And the birthday cake would be in the middle, it was a custom cake, so it was three tiers and had a big "Happy Birthday Bill and Tom!" On top. Everything was perfect for the party, but would they like it? Maybe, at least you hoped so. As more people arrived, the more nervous you became, as this indicated that night was approaching and they would soon be there.

Night arrived, the neon lights were turned on and the normal lights were turned off, people began to hide, after all, when the twins entered there, everyone would come out and scream "surprise", even me. Hiding, you remained silent, looking at your cell phone to see if any messages arrived but there was no news, neither from Gustav nor Georg, ugh. However, outside, you could hear some voices and as these voices got closer and closer to the door of the club, when the door opened and finally the twins entered before Georg and Gustav, everyone shouted "surprise!" That echoed throughout the nightclub, and Bill and Tom were really surprised, you could see it on their faces.

Soon everything was noisier, loud music playing, people talking and walking around, everything was a happy mess for the twins. You were with the band, sitting on a sofa while snacking on some savory snacks.

"So you planned everything?" Georg began, his gaze stopping on you, a smirk on his lips. "Mhm. Everything." You replied, a victorious smile forming on your lips. "So that 'family commitment' thing wasn't true?" Bill asked right after you answered Georg, looking at you curiously. "Yep." You responded simply, reaching for a snack, taking a bite and chewing it. "You lied to us?" Tom said, making a fake sad pout, making you giggle softly. "A little. Are you going to say it wasn't worth it?" I rebuked, speaking with your mouth full with the snack you were eating, pointing with your chin at the party. In response they just laughed, happy that they had been fooled by something good. :)

I HATW THIS BUT HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO THE TWINSNSSNSNSNSNS YAAAYAYAYAYAYAYYAYAYA

🎉🎂🎁🍰🎈🎉🎈🎁🎉🎁🎈🎂🎈🍰🎉🎁🎂🎁🎈🍰🎂🎂🍰🎉🎁🎉🎁🎈🍰🎉🍰🎈🍰🎂🎂🍰🎈🍰🎈🍰YAAAYAYAYAYAYAYYAYAYA BIRTHDWY BIRTHDAT

[daytaker]

Chat Log: A Human Child Arrives in the Devildom

Beelzebub: I don’t remember. Beelzebub: I don't remember that either. Mammon: Oi, Beel, what the hell are you saying? Satan: That isn’t Beel. It’s “the new human exchange student”. Mammon: Why are ya sayin’ that in quotes? Satan: You’ll see. Mammon: The hell does that mean?! Beelzebub: I fell. Beelzebub: I fell out a tree and then I was here. Lucifer: Satan, Asmo, Beel. I thought I said to look after the human child. Why is it sending nonsense in the chat? Asmo: It can’t talk, so we’re asking it questions out loud and having it answer like this! Lucifer: Why did you not create a new chat where you could interrogate it without annoying the rest of us? Satan: Convenience. This chat already existed. Mammon: Whoa whoa whoa, did you say human CHILD? Why the hell did you guys recruit a child? Lucifer: We didn’t. Something appears to have gone wrong in the summoning process. Barbatos is attempting to resolve the issue as we speak. Mammon: Is the kid still in the chat? Asmodeus: Yes, Beel loaned it his phone. Mammon: Hey kid, ya like ice cream? Beelzebub: Yes. Mammon: Well, I got a massive chocolate cone for any human kid who’s willing to come hang out around the central plaza for a few hours. Demons’ll pay good money to get a look at a genuine human child.  Mammon: Hey, Asmo, is it cute? Beelzebub: They want me to tell you I'm not going anywhere with you. Asmodeus: Yeah, leave the poor thing alone! It probably misses its parents! Asmodeus: And yes, it’s adorable! ♡ Mammon: Good, folks’ll pay more for that. Leviathan: Whaaaaaat? Sorry, just backread, but wow! You guys isekai’d a BABY to RAD? LOLOLOLOL Beelzebub: I’m not a baby. Lucifer: I apologize for the delay in sending this message. I was occupied with Diavolo and Barbatos. Lucifer: Mammon, if you take that child out in public and it gets eaten, I will flay you alive. Beelzebub: Do demons eat kids? Mammon: Yep. Mammon: They’re pretty freakin’ delicious too. Way better than old people. Mammon: ‘Cause they’re softer. Lucifer: Shut up and listen. Lucifer: Unfortunately, it doesn’t seem as if this issue is going to be resolved as quickly as I had hoped. Lucifer: Mammon, if I leave you in charge of the human until tomorrow, do you think you can keep it alive? Mammon: What? Why me? Ain’t Asmo and Satan there already? Lucifer: I hesitate to entrust a child to either Asmo or Satan for any extended period of time due to certain personality defects each of them possess. Asmodeus: Rude!!! Mammon: What about Beel? Lucifer: Beel would certainly eat it. Mammon: …Yeah, I guess that’s fair. Lucifer: Satan, Asmo, Beel. Please take the human to the school gates and wait for Mammon to retrieve it. In the meantime, Diavolo has graciously offered to lend it the D.D.D. he had prepared for the original transfer student, so stop by the dean’s office to pick it up. Asmodeus: Fine, we're going. Mammon: I really gotta do this, huh? Lucifer: Yes. Mammon: :( Leviathan: LOLOLOLOL!!! This is hilarious! Lucifer: Don't think I've forgotten about you, Levi. I'd like you to prepare a few dishes Barbatos says are in vogue with human children. Leviathan: Wait, are you making me its personal chef? Mammon: Ha! Serves ya right! Leviathan: Shut up, Mammon. Lucifer: Macaroni and cheese. Lucifer: Chicken tenders/nuggets (in the shape of dinosaurs, if possible) Leviathan: Dinosaurs? Lucifer: Apple juice. Lucifer: Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Lucifer: French fries. Lucifer: Cheese pizza. Leviathan: Do I have to make all of this right now? Lucifer: Chocolate chip cookies. Lucifer: Human-world grapes. Leviathan: Am I being trolled right now? Lucifer: Absolutely not. Prepare one dish immediately using whatever ingredients we already own. Lucifer: Human, if you are still here, I would like to extend my deepest apologies on behalf of the Royal Academy of Diavolo for this unfortunate mistake. Lucifer: I hope we are able to resolve this in a timely manner.

[mcflymemes]

PROMPTS FROM THE TRUMAN SHOW (1998) *  assorted dialogue, adjust as necessary.

it isn't always shakespeare, but it's genuine.

i'm not going to make it. you're going to have to go on without me.

you're crazy, you know that?

well, for me, there is no difference between a private life and a public life.

it's all true. it's all real. nothing here is fake.

i have love handles?

in case i don't see you! good afternoon, good evening, and goodnight!

what the hell is wrong with your job?

can't get any further away before you start coming back.

it's not that simple. it takes money. planning. can't just up and go.

i don't like the look of that weather. i think we should head back.

you're talking like a teenager.

we need adventure.

i thought we were going to try for a baby.

i might as well pick one of these up while i'm at it.

i almost hugged a perfect stranger in the salon last thursday.

you're just feeling bad because of what happened.

i've never blamed you. and i don't blame you now.

i made macaroni!

i've been such a klutz all day!

you're a better person than i am.

you know, [name], i'm not allowed to talk to you.

i can understand that. i'm a pretty dangerous character.

would you wanna, maybe, possibly... sometime go out for some pizza or something?

if we don't go now, it won't happen. do you understand?

we have so little time.

they don't want me talking to you.

i've never seen you before today.

if you don't tell me what's happening, i'll report you!

i think i'm mixed up in something.

you're going to get both of our asses fired, you know that?

just between you and me, i'm going away for a while.

i need to talk to you, but let's go outside.

can you pass along a message?

i'm sorry to keep you.

i guess i'm being spontaneous.

you're blaming me for the traffic?

i'm sorry. i don't know what got into me.

you want to destroy yourself? do it on your own.

why do you want to have a baby with me?

what the hell are you talking about?

you're having a nervous breakdown.

you're part of this, aren't you?

whatever the answer was, we were right together, and we were wrong together.

you're the closest thing i ever had to a brother.

i'd gladly walk in front of traffic for you.

the last thing i'd ever do is lie to you.

i never stopped believing.

let's get some champagne up here!

don't you ever feel guilty?

look at what you've done to him!

give me the phone.

was nothing real?

you never had a camera in my head.

i know you better than you know yourself.

[copperbadge]

[ID: Five pictures; top left is a bowl of macaroni and cheese, with crispy brown bits visible, while top right is a sheet pan covered in roasted cashews dotted with seasoning. The middle photos are before-and-after shots of a very dusty metal light fixture which in the second image has had all the dust removed; the hole where the lighting has been wired through the wall is also visible. Bottom, a motion-activated wireless lamp that looks a little like a baby lightsaber appears to be magnetically stuck to a bracket on the ceiling. It is notably not illuminated.]

Well, the day is hard, but I decided to do what I normally do when the day is hard, which is make sure I'm fed and the chores are done. To that end I got up and put on Well There's Your Problem (68, The Nedelin Catastrophe), took out the trash, and did some cooking.

I made experimental rice cooker mac and cheese for the first time; for my birthday I got a mini Dash rice cooker and the booklet had a recipe for mac in it, which I was skeptical about but actually went really well, although you have to babysit it a bit. I also did some more experimenting with my pickle-seasoned cashews, still on a mission to find the best way to keep the seasoning sticking to the nuts. Not pictured, I made mini-meatballs and packed them in the pizza sauce I made earlier, as well as a couple of hamburger patties.

Lastly, I did some more bathroom work -- the motion sensing lamp I bought hasn't been working so I tried the one I have in the bedroom, which works really well there but also does not work when stuck to the ceiling. IDK what the deal is. Anyway, time to invest in the slightly pricier remote-controlled light so I can just turn it on when I want. I'll install the other lamp somewhere else, maybe as an additional light over the desk where I do video calls.

And I realized I'd never dusted the bathroom lights in my entire time living here, so I got up on the stepladder and cleared probably 15 years of dust off the top. If you, like me, looked at the first photo and thought "Wow, what a fire hazard" you are correct. I might have to bump up the "Let's put some new safer lighting from this century here" to-do line item. Yikes.